#experiences you can't unlive

[singingcicadas]

Your boss can be friends with you, but you can't be friends with your boss.

Perfect example of different expectations of different societal roles. Considering everyone a friend is the quality of a good leader, it demonstrates affinity and empathy to the people of which he leads, but at that level no one can ever consider him a friend back, at least not on an equal degree. There's no closeness, no real camaraderie. The position of Prime always takes precedence over any personal relationships. He is a Prime before he is his own person.

This is also the reason why I think Optimus can never go back to being Orion. Why an ending for Optimus as the retired common citizen is never an option. He's been exalted as a political/spiritual symbol for four million years, used to a position of power, it's not something he can simply renounce one day and expect people's perceptions to change. It's not even possible to change his own perceptions of himself, however much he might like to. You just can't erase four million years of ingrained mindset. He will be viewed as a threat to those in power and undermine their presence just by existing. People will flock to him regardless whether he wants it or not. On a personal level, he's never been the kind of peaceful obedient citizen who takes comfort in trying to live a normal life. Giving up being Prime means giving up control: he will never be content to pasture himself out and wait for other people to make decisions for him when the next crisis arises. He will never be content to have his words hold no weight when he speaks out against the next injustice.

Being Prime is not just a job, it's an identity. One that's defined by four million years of experience in a niche societal role with very specific expectations, of which he'd molded himself to fit. It's a lonely, crushing burden, associated with war and the old order and the question of whether one person should even have that kind of power - but for good or bad it's also a part of him. Taking that away would be truncation, not freedom.

[haloslips]

people are always surprised when i say i don't mind the rainy season in seattle for like some quite valid reasons but i cannot overstate how much the ecological experience of the pnw is sooooo good for my mental health. it doesn't get very cold, there's always a green plant around, and most of the time i can see the mountains and when i can't i have the water!! do you know how easy it is to feel better in the face of natural beauty?

[revehae]

sexcapade

pairing ↠ co-worker!johnny x (f) reader

genre .. warnings ↠ smut, professor!johnny x professor!reader, infidelity, unprotected sex, sensory deprivation, overstimulation, almost getting caught

summary ↠ with things in the bedroom getting boring with your husband, you start searching for excitement and your co-worker, johnny, is more than willing to provide it for you. on campus, you barely acknowledge each other, but in the sheets, you can't stop calling out his name.

wc ↠ 2.2k

a/n ↠ part 1/5 of the college-capades series! connected to do you like it, dr. lee?

don't like it, don't read.

it started in the spring. like there was pollen in the air, too there was lust, gentle breezes seemingly sweeping you flush against johnny’s chest where you could never not inhale the manly scent of him; never not leave with it clinging to you.

you were very aware that it was wrong. matter of fact, every time you laid eyes on your husband’s face and looked into his, saw how they twinkled at the sight of you and how they were bewitched by the charm of your soul, guilt ruptured your heart with an angry, unmistakable pang of ire.

so you did not think with the throbbing inside your chest, but the throbbing between your thighs.

a woman needed excitement in her life, a specimen that johnny was more than glad to offer. sex quickly got boring in the bedroom after so many years of unlively routines and you taught molecular biology to a class of undergraduates that couldn’t wait to get the fuck on with their lives. to say nothing of the long nights spent sifting through overdue assignments. you were allowed to have fun sometimes. after all, you were only in your early thirties. you still considered yourself young.

like many other women, specifically younger ones that found him attractive for an older man, you noticed that johnny did not wear a ring on his finger. upon further discussion, you learned that though he was no longer married, he had a twenty-something-year-old son who took your class. apparently, his son spoke delightfully of you, which was flattering, but you’d always been more interested in what johnny thought.

and you quickly found out.

“had enough?” johnny asked, poking his head through the doorway. 

not that you could see. there was a blindfold taut around your face, hindering your vision for the past forty-five minutes. to you, it felt like an eternity. the toy between your trembling thighs buzzed, inducing orgasm after orgasm, a number so great that it had tears slipping down your cheeks past the fabric of the blindfold.

speaking of orgasms, you couldn’t stop the cry that parted your lips as heat unfurled throughout your body for the umpteenth time, spreading from between your thighs to your head where there was nothing but empty thought and faintness.

“that was beautiful,” johnny remarked, only watching.

“please,” you croaked.

johnny played dumb with you. he had a penchant for it, drawing out your agony by pretending as if he were oblivious to your needs, when in reality he was the most attuned to them. “you want more?”

“no!” you exclaimed, desperate. you couldn’t even feel your legs if you tried, that was how long he had left you here with yourself - and this fucking toy. “please, no more. it’s too much, johnny.”

“but baby,” johnny started, donning his sweetest tone. “you wanted this. remember?”

that was true. you knew when this affair first started that johnny was available to open you up to new, exciting things, because your bedroom experiences with your husband could all be described the same way. though with johnny, there was room for variety.

it was just overwhelming sometimes. johnny could be so harsh under the guise of merely giving you what you wanted. you knew that it was what he wanted if anything, that you were just his lab rant to experiment on, but you never admit that you liked it that way. nor would you admit that you would’ve also liked to be a little more. 

but johnny knew that. he never mentioned a word of it, because it didn’t need to be said. it went without saying that you were his to do whatever he pleased with.

“johnny…,” you trailed, your voice shaky.

johnny, ignoring you, asked, “how many times did you cum?”

you gulped. racking your brain for an answer, you ultimately came up empty. by the third one, time lost all meaning and so did thought. “i… i lost count.”

“then, you know what that means, right?”

you gasped when the toy was moved. not at the action itself, but because you didn’t realize he’d gotten so close. his footsteps were so quiet.

“but…,” you started. 

“but nothing,” johnny said, snatching the blindfold off of your face. you blinked a couple of times, adjusting to the brightness. the cuffs around your wrists were next. “you know the rules, don’t you?”

you whispered, “yes, johnny.”

“hands and knees.”

you didn’t hesitate to crawl into the said position, regardless of the exhaustion weighing down your body, because you knew what to expect if you didn’t comply with whatever he wanted. there were times were johnny was generous enough to let you cum, times where you didn’t deserve it, much like now. you wanted to get around punishment, but it would never happen if you didn’t satiate him.

the bed creaked when he raised himself atop of it from behind you, the sound of him fumbling with his belt making you wetter. once upon a time, you didn’t even think that that was possible, but you never stopped dripping when with johnny. somehow, he made even simple things like the anticipation arousing.

johnny dropped his shirt, followed by a toss of his pants. he had no need for them anymore. for the forty-five minutes that you’d been ruining his sheets, weakened by the overstimulation, johnny had been in his study trying to shake the thoughts of you while he attempted to grade papers. he was already hard from his imagination and the memories of stuffing you full of his cum, but seeing you in front of him, waiting for him, your pussy soaked for him, it did unfathomable things to his cock.

you released a shaky breath when you felt him lubricating himself with your arousal, slipping between your glistening folds, and writhed from the sensitivity. “johnny, it’s too much,” you whimpered. 

johnny chuckled. “baby, i’m not even inside you yet.”

your face burned. you could feel yourself dripping and it was humiliating, because you only got like this for him and him only.

“so fucking wet,” johnny cursed, having fun teasing your folds. “just for me.”

you cried out when he suddenly slapped your cunt, mouth parted as you gasped out, “john.”

“fuck, you always get so wet for me. isn’t that right, baby?” johnny asked, enamored with you. it was magical how he could pretend as if you meant nothing to him at work and become so addicted to you when nobody was watching.

you bobbed your head. “yes, johnny. just for you.”

that must’ve did it for him, because the very next second, you felt johnny finally start to roll inside of your cunt, mumbling curses under his breath. you almost collapsed then, almost slumped and gave out just from the tip of his cock, but you resisted because you had something that you needed to prove.

johnny was slow, but his cock slipped right inside you with ease, it was almost pathetic. not to mention that he was bigger than anything you could’ve imagined taking, so much that you always found yourself gasping when you realized that he wasn’t completely buried inside of you yet. you couldn’t believe that he had so much to give.

“oh my god,” you moaned, eyes rolling back from how full you were. no man had ever satisfied you like this, and johnny was just getting started.

not only were you filled to the hilt with his hard cock, but also the ache for him to fuck you until your entire body went numb like he’d already done countless times. johnny gripped your hips, using them as an anchor. when you felt so good as you did, as tight as you were, it would be dangerous not to ground himself.

johnny grabbed a fistful of your hair, pulling just tight enough to let you know the trip was there. you were basking in his warmth and being crushed underneath his weight while he balanced your hips in one hand and the grip on your hair in the other. he smacked your ass and hissed, “so fucking pretty.”

sometimes you wished that he was yours. you could imagine coming home with him day after day, singing to music in the car together while his company made minutes feel like hours. you didn’t mind that he had a son, either. you always wanted a child, though not one that would be the product of shitty sex and a broken marriage.

the liking you’d taken to johnny went beyond sex, though the endless orgasms and fulfillment he never neglected you of definitely encouraged those feelings. moments like now, when he was balls deep inside you, you were more than willing to risk it all for him. you would get a divorce. you would move in. anything he wanted, just as quick as he said the word.

i am out of my mind, came your thoughts, though your grip on them slackened the more johnny fucked you into oblivion. 

“it’s so… deep,” you gasped, marveling. 

johnny chuckled. though you had never said it outright, your constant fascination with how big his cock was or how deep he could fit inside you, stretching out your velvety tight walls, was more than enough of an indication that your husband was not exactly packing like he was. you made it a point to mention that johnny was huge.

“yeah?” johnny asked huskily, wanting to suck a bruise onto the side of your throat, but he willed himself not to.

“mm-hm,” you mumbled. “can feel you in… in my stomach.”

“where?” johnny kept one hand at your hip but dropped the one at your head, wrapping it around you, and reaching for your stomach. “here?”

you bobbed your head. he could feel it too, and it elicited a deep growl out of him, one that had you clamping involuntarily around his size.

johnny could fuck you for hours if you let him. the same way that he was the best you’d ever had, he simply couldn’t get enough of you. there were times throughout the day where his mind would only flicker with debilitating thoughts of you, memories of your face and how you tasted. at times, you made it difficult to move on.

“dad,” came a voice from down the hall, one both of you were very acquainted with. 

“shit,” johnny hissed, irritated, and clamped his hand around your mouth. your cries and whimpers were muffled into his hard palm and your breath was cut off, because it was so difficult to breathe solely through your nose. “be a good girl and keep quiet.”

“dad,” sounded his son’s voice again, just outside the door. 

your heart was racing. your eyes were wide, the fear and excitement of getting caught fighting for totality in your icy veins. his son was one of your students and students talked. if it got out that you were having an affair with johnny, this could destroy you, but there was something so arousing about the thrill.

“i’m in here. don’t open that door,” johnny said, breathless voice betraying what was happening behind that door. 

his son was far from stupid, that you knew all too well, and retorted, “dad, are you getting laid? is it the hot nurse you were flirting with at the hospital? tell her i said ‘hi.’”

you frowned.

before johnny could even get a word out, his son added, “i’m leaving. you two have the house to yourselves again.”

“bye,” johnny huffed, dropping his palm from your face. 

you inhaled sharply. you could finally breathe again.

johnny kissed the back of your neck, nibbling at your ear. “you did so good,” he whispered, voice gentle and sweet as ever. “if you beg good enough, i’ll change my mind and let you cum.”

you hopped at the opportunity like a ravenous pack of wolves starved through the winter, begging with the utmost desperation, “johnny, please. please let me cum. i’ll do anything, oh my fucking god, i need it. i need you.”

“you need me?”

so fucking bad. more than anything. “i need you,” you repeated, whinier. needier.

“cum around my dick,” johnny commanded, voice deep and throaty and just the way you liked it. you would steal a soul for him if that was what he wanted.

it wasn’t very long before one final cry of his name escaped you, pouring out of your lips like honey as you stuttered around his cock, heat spasming between your legs. tears trickled from your eyes, the stimulation from all of the orgasms you’d had in one night alone, and you couldn’t stop yourself from convulsing. your muscles slackened and your limbs went limp to your sides.

johnny was directly behind you, spurred on by the sight and feeling of you coming undone around him, and you knew when his hold on your hips tightened and that lethal growl parted his mouth that he had met his climax, the feeling of his hot cum seeping into your cunt being the unnecessary confirmation.

“good fucking girl,” johnny praised, still sweetly in your ear.

you sighed contentedly when he flipped you onto your back, sweeping you into his arms and kissing your lips as a treat. he wiped the tears out of your eyes, watching you still shudder.

“stay the night,” johnny said, looking into your hazy eyes. 

you blinked, breathing heavily to catch your breath. “johnny, you know i can’t do that. my husband will...”

“i wasn’t asking.”

“well,” you replied, quietening. “i guess i can come up with something.”

johnny smiled triumphantly, smashing his lips against yours again. you sighed again, still content, though there was a thought lurking on your mind. i don’t know what i’m going to do.

[yuri-is-online]

Fyuuture Kid AU is actually my favorite au of yours; I just think it's cute! How's floyd Yutu? I feel like there would be a thin line between "You're cool ig" and "You and shrimp are a little... close. Stop it." But once he knows that's his kid? Yeah all bets are of. Sorry Azul; he actually CANT go to work today he's too busy being a FATHER and a HUSBAND (these single fucks can cry about it)

No because this is exactly what I see happening and just the image of Floyd being like "nah I can't hang out spouse needs my help with the kid. Oh you wouldn't get it because YOU GOT NO BITCHES" he's just so silly I love him so much (つ╥﹏╥)つ

notes: they/them used for Yuu, this is part of the fyuuture kid au, Floyd's part can be found here, and the explanation for the au can be found here. You can find even more stuff for it on my masterlist under the series section.

Yutu wasn't really prepared for the first people he saw to be his parents. He knew he was going to have to see them eventually, and he did a lot of preparing mentally for seeing Yuu again but his dad? His father who he has heard so many stories about, the person he admires second only to you?

"And who's this little guppy?" The whites of Floyd's eyes widen as he zeros in on him, Yutu's senses force him to drop into a defensive stance and get in between the danger and Yuu. He's being circled by a larger, more dangerous predator. Every nerve ending in his body is screaming he is in danger, that Yuu's in danger, but he feels happy. He knows what his father's voice sounds like now.

"I ain't a guppy." The points of his teeth flash, but Floyd isn't amused by Yutu's claim.

"You are what I say you are, small fry."

Floyd! Yutu is very extroverted. He enjoys talking to people and had a lot of friends before and after being isekaid. If Yuu or one of his friends was more introverted he took a great deal of pride in doing most of the talking for them. He likes being helpful, or at least he says he does. If you've seen those videos of morays who act like puppies around divers they've known for years, that's sort of how Yutu acts. He's a big puppy who pretends not to know his own strength. Unless your his parent, he fears no man, but Yuu's wrath? That scares him.

He's similar to Floyd in school performance, he doesn't like to pay attention so he doesn't always do well. He didn't have a choice about paying attention to magic classes though, among all the different versions of Yutu, Floyd! Yutu might be one of the most cracked when it comes to combat magic. If you were to ask him about it, he'd say he sees his skill as another way of being helpful, but that prey drive is no joke he does like a good fight. Just not when that fight is against his dad...

He has always loved the water, whether he was swimming or out playing in the rain he always felt most at home in the water. In your world he was on his school's swim team, and while Yutu gets why he isn't allowed to be on NRC's he is still a bit salty about it. On the one hand he gets to actually live in the water now. On the other he sort of needs to find a hobby.

Maybe he could focus more on cooking? Or fishing? Or would that just be hunting under the sea...

The oceans of Twisted Wonderland were never safe, but in the time that Yutu arrived in they had become borderline unlivable due to blot pollution. Yutu really loved being in Octavinelle for allowing him to experience a little slice of what the Coral Sea was supposed to have been like. The version of the dorm he was placed in didn't have the lounge anymore, so he is very curious about Azul's business.

Papa (Floyd) Leech isn't very impressed. On the one hand he thinks it is kind of funny watching the shrimplet run around campus following Yuu like he's convinced they're going to disappear. Floyd feels like that sometimes too, it makes him want to drown you in his embrace and keep you here forever but he tries to ignore those feelings most of the time.

On the other hand knowing he can't just drop by Ramshackle and have you all to himself anymore makes it really hard to ignore them. Shrimplet doesn't even have the sense to be afraid of him, Floyd swears he gets excited when he threatens to give him a squeeze. And what's worse is you are really protective of him! Sure you're protective of Baby Seal too, but he's got enough sense to piss off when Floyd glares at him. He does leave when Floyd threatens to fight him, but not because he's scared. He looked sad actually, which Floyd clocks and brings back to Jade and Azul.

You asked another question about what happened to the boys in the bad future, and I want to save most of my thoughts related to what happened to Floyd for that answer, but Jade was still alive when Yutu got isekaid and he was able to meet him. They had a really good relationship, so when Jade comes sniffing around for information, Yutu is able to dodge his questions pretty easily. Future! Jade actually used his signature spell on him before he traveled back in time just to fuck with his past self. He did make his nephew promise to tell him if the one use rule applied to this case. Partially for science, partially because he knew that it would give his younger self the chance to keep the information to himself.

And keep it to himself he does- sort of. He makes sure Yutu knows he knows, but he never explicitly says anything to him. No what he wants to do is distract Yutu so Floyd can be a sulky coward in peace. That he does make clear to Yutu, he would like his brother to have more than one kid for him to be a bad influence on and he needs him to actually make a move on Yuu for that to happen.

I am not 100% on how the reveal on how Floyd learns about what's happening and who Yutu is, but once he does he is very serious about it. He wants to know what Yutu thought about him, why he knows more about Jade then his dear old dad, and what happened to Yuu to make him so protective. Wasn't he there at all? He'd never abandon his mate or his son... little shrimplet knows that, right?

Well he's just going to have to make sure he does know that. And everyone else too, "these single fucks can cry about it" indeed. Yutu is getting dragged to the Atlantica Memorial Museum so they can swim and talk about Azul's overblot, and how cute his parent was for standing up to him. He still wants to spend time alone with Yuu sometimes, but he gets why Yutu is afraid of letting them out of his sight now. He would feel the same way. If Floyd can manage it he wants to take him back home too (not to introduce him to the grandparents since that would just raise questions), since Yutu never got to go there.

Floyd would be such a good dad. An embarrassing one too, you know he teases Yutu, roughhouses with him, and openly flirts with Yuu in front of him. He's really looking forward to getting to be embarrassingly in love with Yuu in the future, and no silly "end of the world" thing is going to stop him.

[nintendont2502]

can't stop thinking about an alternate, narnia-style ending to homestuck where they can stay on earth c for as long as they want, but they always have the option to go home

sure, living on a planet you made and ruling as immortal gods forever sounds cool at first, but eventually it's going to get... stagnant, yk? what is there for you to do now? you won. your character arc is over. this is your happily ever after, in a world that reveres you as gods even though you're nothing more than a bunch of traumatised teenagers.

what if you could go back? go back to the day you were meant to play, go back to being 13 and powerless and a kid again, but with all the knowledge that you gained over the years - eventually, it'll fade, but you'll always have that experience. you'll always feel like somehow, somewhere, you were a hero once. John learning to appreciate his dad and his friends and his 'boring' life, and having a chance to reflect on himself. Rose realising that her Mom *does* care about her, just as much as Roxy does - just as much as Rose cares about both of them, enough to try and bridge that gap. Dave knowing that his Bro *isn't* some untouchable, flawless hero, knowing that Dave can stand on his own two feet and take care of himself and his friends even if he doesn't do it how his Bro would. Jade reunited with her best friend, armed with the knowledge that she *will* get out of here, that she *will* see the world and see her friends and loved ones and *live*. Everywhere they look, they see faint memories of people they think they once knew and loved and forgot - in the faces of family, old photos and preserved corpses, terrible movies and buckets and playing cards and the stars in the sky.

maybe they don't go at first. maybe eternity seems easy to them, an entire life left unlived laying in front of them, but once they've done all they can, lived as much as eternity will allow and more, once the only thing left to do is go back - I think they all would. maybe not all at the same time, but I think eventually, all four of them would choose to go home

because they're. yk. they're h. the. they're h. ho. they're homes-

[who-is-page]

SUPPORT A SYSTEM, BUY SOME COMICS!

We're LB. We make mental health comics, draw pretty pictures, and write about reality melting. This is where we put our ebooks; all come with text-only description versions as well. (LB Lee's Itch.io)

LB Lee is a multiple system who's made some absolutely brilliant work about their multiplicity and life experiences. They've recently hit a rough patch where, due to a horrible roommate situation, they're couch-surfing and will soon be juggling paying two rents as they navigate moving away from their previous, unlivable household.

If you want to support this fantastic system of folks in this rocky time, please consider purchasing some eBooks from their itch.io! Physical orders aren't preferred at this time, since they're in-between homes, so please keep your purchases digital as much as you can.

If you've already purchased and love LB Lee's work but still want to support them, join their Patreon! They've got support options for as low as $1 a month or as much as $20 a month, with the $1 tier alone coming with exclusive fiction and nonfiction essays published each month for your enjoyment, and the higher tiers including project sneak-peaks, sketches, and early access to zines and comics. You can donate more than the $20 a month tier too, if you'd like!

I'll also throw my own hat in the ring, to rally support of such a wonderful group of people; if you purchase one of LB Lee's eBooks or comics, send me a picture of your receipt and I'll give you a free copy of my alterhuman TTRPG, A Wolf in Man's Clothing. Normally priced at $8, it's a solo journaling RPG built on the Wretched & Alone gaming system.

Please support our friends during this difficult time. I really cannot express how amazing these guys are, and how much they deserve your support while going through this. Even if you see this and can't offer any financial assistance, reblogs and signal boosts of this post are massively appreciated. I can't thank you all enough for anything you can do to help.

[whoiwanttoday]

Hey guys, it is @wildflagsure birthday today and last night she demanded I make a "really good" post for her for her birthday. She can't help it, she's from Greece but lives in the UK and what I have heard is immigrants there are always coming in and demanding things, it's why as a country they decided to set their economy on fire, because if you make your little island completely unlivable then no one will want to move there. Not that tactic I would have taken but then I try not be a hateful bigot, so who am I to talk? Anyway, besides blaming @wildflagsure for all of England's problems (and like… where was she when they lost the Empire? She can't account for her whereabouts) I do want to celebrate her birthday. By talking about myself. I mean, it is my blog, I tagged her twice, I am not sure how much more giving a person can be. I'll drive literally tens of people to her dead blog. Anyway, my favorite thought about Andi, which I will call her from here out because first I am tired of tagging and second I think it looks cooler with the E not on it but also it's short for Antigone and I can change a T to a D for a friend but I'll be dead and buried before I leave off the apostrophe if you insist on shortening Antigone to Anti'e. Anyway, my favorite thought is when she was doing a small radio show live (and doing it wrong, rather than use the service that paid for the songs rights they just played shit off of spotify because literally no one cared) I used to listen every week cause it was fun to support her but also she likes good music. There was a listener request form and I used to submit requests. I did this for a few reasons. One, I learned on tumblr every single person in the world wants more asks. It is exciting and makes them feel special. Also, by sending multiple requests or messages a show it meant they would seem very popular to other listeners and you know, fake it till you make it, that way everyone else would go, "Wow, these guys must be more famous than I realized. I should tell my friends to listen and also send in requests". And then, obviously, I like to control women and tell them what to do, so it was a real rush to send in a song title and then make her do it. Anyway, there was a time when the person she did it with referred to me as, "Our fan". And that got a snap back of, "Actually, is MY friend". It was very defensive and I appreciated that in part it came from the fact that her cohost was trying to diminish me in a way that person liked to do and Andi was willing to stand up and protect me even though honestly, I didn't care. She did, that mattered. I mean, there was a lot going on there because her cohost was one of those lowkey monsters you meet in your late teens and early 20's who you find compelling because you are too young to know better but also because you are insecure and the fact that they have absolutely no moral center is appealing because it sure must be nice to not be insecure and upset and worried about things all the time. Andi eventually moved on, don't worry. Actually, it's really cool to see that she has matured into just a totally cool as fuck lesbian bad ass. I mean, she was always those things but now she has the confidence and a really cool life that she always was going to have but I bet she was unaware of. Like, she has her own place, she has a hot girlfriend, she eats cool meals, and she can get you any drugs you want. It's pretty cool.

Anyway, today I am posting Georgia Ellenwood because in my experience Andi loves Olympic Athletes. She always goes on that she's glad someone is honoring Zeus properly. Now, sadly, Georgia Ellenwood is not going to the Olympics this year because she is still recovering from an injury. That kind of thing is always sad, athletes only have so many chances but I think she has a good future ahead of her even outside of sports because she is charming and friendly and well… looks like she does. It's not hard to imagine her being successful doing other things. And even if she felt like a good pick today because even if she isn't going to the Olympics I am willing to bet @wildflagsure would be willing to burn down a second island nation to sleep with her. Today I want to fuck Georgia Ellenwood.

[copperbadge]

Radio Free Monday

Good morning everyone, and welcome to Radio Free Monday!

A note before we begin: I understand that sometimes people look askance at some of the fundraisers. I do attempt to vet people, but I also attempt to practice a radical level of acceptance and compassion for people who are in need, who may not always be people everyone likes. It is up to my readers to determine where and if they want to give; I have only ever declined to publicize fundraisers twice, both by people with extensive and visible histories of scamming fandom. If you know of someone who has a history of scamming, it is helpful for me to be made aware, but unless there are receipts to go with it, I'm afraid I can't take that into account. Simply telling me "so-and-so is a bad person" does not help. (Lest I start more drama, this is not isolated to this week's post, it's just a particularly unhelpful comment this week which spurred me to write this.)

And now on to more helpful things!

Ways to Give:

maryellencarter linked to a fundraiser for johnhawkens, who is about to lose his temporary housing and needs assistance with food and transportation. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here.

just_juniper_joy is raising $350 to get through a lapse in emergency assistance; they are currently waiting for disability paperwork to go through and in the process of renewing the emergency aid in the meantime, but their county office is moving slowly, and they need to pay for medication, phone, and internet, as well as rent. You can read more and support the fundraiser here.

aurorlaura linked to a fundraiser for Alchemia and Bugland, who have urgent financial needs after the loss of their home, and are also looking for advocacy and legal support in Illinois, particularly support for people with disabilities, autism, blindness, and/or who are LGBTQ+. You can read more and support the fundraiser here.

nightwhite13 is raising funds to help seal a hole in their home through which a rat is entering; you can read more, reblog, and find giving information here.

Beck is raising funds for top surgery; you can read more and support the fundraiser here.

just-a-zesty-lil-rat is raising funds to cover a medical deductible so they can get top surgery; you can read more and support the fundraiser here.

catlineyemaker linked to a fundraiser for gallusrostromegalus, who recently rented a home to a friend who ended up doing serious damage to the home and required legal action to evict; they can't sell the house as-is and can't afford the repairs needed to make the house salable. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here.

Buy Stuff, Help Out:

have-a-hygge is an artist selling her work to raise funds to open her own gallery, a task complicated by being a fulltime caregiver to a parent with dementia. You can read more and find purchase and giving information here.

Help For Free:

Maggie is a graduate student at American University, doing research on fanfic and the way people learn about sex and sexuality as teenagers. They have a survey available about experiences reading or writing fanfic and how it impacted their sexuality and understanding of sex, which may lead to interviews if the person is agreeable; all interviews are anonymized. You can learn more and take the survey here.

Recurring Needs:

rusty-chevy's workplace is in a slow period, and management has been cutting hours; she is raising funds to cover at least part of the shortfall from reduced paychecks, and was just denied rent assistance. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here.

alirhi linked to a fundraiser to get herself, her mother, and her sister stable housing; they are currently staying in their cars in a a dangerous parking lot. They have a friend who will let them park a camper in her yard, but the camper there currently is unlivable. With two of the family on disability it is difficult for them to keep up with bills and also save for housing. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here including a few new ways to give.

gwydion linked to a fundraiser for a friend, whose dog Rosie needs medical care, dental work, and special food; you can read more and give here at gofundme.

rilee16 is raising funds after having to use rent money to pay their electric bill; their roommate, with whom they have had a number of issues, has been an ongoing issue and is also costing them money, and they are now facing a late fee for October rent after the check didn't clear. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here.

And this has been Radio Free Monday! Thank you for your time. You can post items for my attention at the Radio Free Monday submissions form. If you're new to fundraising, you may want to check out my guide to fundraising here.

[scribeforchrist-blog]

Don’t Mock The Holy Spirit

MEMORY VERSE OF THE WEEK

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+ Isaiah 1:19 If you are willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land.

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VERSE OF THE DAY

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+ Acts 1:8 But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.”

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** SAY THIS BEFORE YOU READ; HERE’S SOME CHRISTIAN TRUTHS **

I AM FILLED WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT

I AM STRONG

I AM MIGHTY

I AM HOLY

********************************

THOUGHTS:

=======================

  People make fun of people with the gift of tongues, and they make comedy scripts of it, but we must be careful of what we entertain and what we think is funny. Many people say God has a personality, and he does, but to play and mock the things of the Holy Spirit is something we don’t want to do. We want to avoid doing this because God should not be mocked.

   To mock the manifestation of the Holy Spirit shouldn’t be something none of us find funny, and a lot of people do; the Holy Spirit in the book of Acts unlive two people for lying, and a lot of people have lost their fear of the lord and say the lord now isn’t the lord from then. He is the same lord; he has more mercy and grace because when Jesus died, he gave us grace and mercy to help us have eternal life.

Acts 5:3-4 Then Peter said, “Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land? 4 Didn’t it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn’t the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied just to human beings but to God.”

    See, they didn’t lie to Peter. They lied to the Holy Spirit, and when someone mock God, say things they shouldn’t say, and doing anything and everything in the pulpit. I remember when the pulpit was holy and not meant to be played in. When I was younger,and when I went to church, my mom told me not to play in the pulpit. I wouldn’t ,why because I knew it was something holy, and people come into the church and defile it because they don’t take the hand of God seriously nor the presence of God, but once you ever experience the presence of God, you won't forget it.

 The presence of God is something we all must take seriously when we are praying, and even in general, as Christians ,we must find time to stay in his presence. This will help us grow in patience and help us grow more in him because we aren’t saying anything. We are waiting in his presence; many don’t want to do that. The Holy Spirit is very special, and when we want to become friends with the Holy Spirit or know him, dwelling in his presence is a MUST.

•Acts 4:5 Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them: “Rulers and elders of the people!

•Acts 13:9 But Saul, also called Paul, filled with the Holy Spirit, looked intently at him.

•Acts 9:17 So Ananias departed and entered the house. And laying his hands on him, he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus who appeared to you on the road by which you came has sent me so that you may regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.”

  When we dwell in the Holy Spirit, we will be filled with it so we can do incredible things for the lord. We can speak the way he wants and be used for his glory. The presence of God is so important to us as believers because without it, we can't conquer fear, we can't conquer anything because we are not filled with him, and anyone can have what Paul and Peter have. All we must do is dwell in his presence and be willing to submit. Another thing to pray about is submitting and being willing to do what he wants of us!

  Speaking in tongues takes our relationship with God to another level; when we pray long hours in tongues, we go higher in the spirit; a lot of people don’t realize how important speaking in tongues is, but Jesus did this many times in the Bible

•John 11:38 Jesus, therefore again groaning in himself, cometh to the grave. It was a cave, and a stone lay upon it.

•Luke 22:44 And being in agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.

  See, the Holy Spirit will come in when we pray; the Holy Spirit loves to comfort us when we are unsure, but the Holy Spirit won’t make us commune with him. He will wait patiently with us, and he will show us if we are willing to dwell; that’s why we must dwell, praise, and worship to bring the Holy Spirit into the atmosphere, and always govern the Holy Spirit permission as we are praying in tongues.

  Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

  The Holy Spirit will always intercede for us; that’s why when some of us speak in tongues, we groan, or we utter words that no one knows unless the Holy Spirit tells someone for interpretation, but these unctions of speech and groaning shouldn’t be mocked we all should learn to respect and love the Holy Spirit and ask consistently for the gift of tongues.

   Acts 1:8 But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.”

  ****Today we learned that we will receive power from the Holy Spirit to walk in our calling, heal the sick, and raise the dead. Many people think this is for a particular group of people, but it isn’t it’s for anyone willing to dwell and soak in the presence of the Holy Spirit, those willing to carry the anointing of God.

  It is a price to carry the anointing, and a lot of people don’t want to carry it; a lot of people don’t want to deny self to be close to the Holy Spirit ; they don’t want to deny their wants and desires but to walk in holiness to walk in righteousness we must be willing to let go of the flesh so that we can grow in God. ©Seer~ Prophetess Lee

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PRAYER

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Heavenly Father, we thank you for today; we ask that you give us strength and cover us in your blood. Lord, help us be more like you. Lord, forgive us for the sins we have done knowing unknowingly. Lord, please help us to commune with the Holy Spirit; we don’t know what to do in our lives. Lord, please give us the gift of tongues and fill us with your power so we can do what we need to do. In Jesus' Name Amen

========================

REFERENCES

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+ Isaiah 11:2 And the Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon him, the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord.

 

+ Luke 11:13 If you, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

 

+ 2 Corinthians 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

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FURTHER READINGS

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Proverbs 18

Nehemiah 3

Genesis 24

Ezekiel 8

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[ceasarslegion]

the frustrating thing about communism is that it doesn't scale. you need to have a central government because if you don't, everyone around you who does have that coordination will either absorb you peacefully or violently. infrastructure requires maintenance, and that maintenance cannot be managed, trained or supplied for without an organizing body. a parliament or congress is the proper form for that body, imo, but you can't not have it.

To be fair, there are many types of communism that cover similar ideas of government. Within every major political ideology, there will be sects like agree on general ideas but differ when it comes to the details of how to make that happen or how to govern such a structure. But i do see where youre coming from, I've also noticed that the nitty gritty boring things that are nonetheless critical for the functioning of a major society are often left at the wayside in (online) communist circles in favour of the revolution pipe dream.

In my opinion, any ideology that hinges on the idea that we can achieve a perfect society at all is already doomed to fail, and often to fall into actual fascism for a number of reasons. Firstly, humans are inherently flawed. Flawed beings can not achieve perfection, period. Secondly, what "perfect" means is very subjective based on experience, ideology, and personal preference, meaning that my idea of perfect would be unlivable for many of the people living in my apartment building, much less within an entire society. And if i were to be put in such a position, it would be dictatorial of me to enforce my idea of perfection upon those people. Thirdly, you will never, ever, EVER have a legitimate society where nobody disagrees with the government. It just doesn't happen without mass enforcement. There will ALWAYS be someone who disagrees with how the show is run, there will ALWAYS be someone who is hurt by ANY system, and there will ALWAYS be someone willing to officially dissent against the government. You could have a society based on the idea that everyone gets free food and shelter and water and energy and free education and puppies and rainbows and unicorns, and you will end up hurting the farmers who have to work disproportionately to others to produce the resources to allow this to happen, and then how are you going to organically convince them that this is for the greater good without some kind of enforcement?

If you can not answer the questions of "how will you deal with dissent in your perfect society," or your answer is "there will not be dissent" then im sorry but theres more than a few red flags in there for me.

Like look, i dont mean to sound like im bragging but i think pointing this out is warranted. All my education is in politics. I have a 4.0 ivy league degree, i come from a family made up entirely of history teachers and local politicians, i have spent years on the frontlines of legitimate activist movements and i volunteer as many extra hours as i can with the NDP, at this point im on a first name basis with multiple local MPs and MPPs within the party. I have read whatever political theory youre about to demand i read to "change my mind." Ive probably read it multiple times in order to write a paper on it. And i still dont have an answer for the question of "so what system wouldnt cause all this hurt?" because all that experience and education has mostly taught me how incredibly ignorant i really am and how i would be a dictator if given absolute power, because everybody would be. Yes, you. You would be too. Sometimes the best answer you have is "i dont know, so right now lets do the best we can with what we have."

[artbyblastweave]

What superhero setting do you see Taylor being happiest in?

Marvel

Dc

Or my hero academia?

In one of my earliest coherent posts on this site, I clocked Worm as the result of a Marvel or DC style setting being allowed to run twice as long as either of those settings have ever allowed their canon to advance; the in-universe timeline of the modern cape era is 15 years at Marvel and an ill-defined 10-20 at DC. Worm is at the Kingdom Come bad-future stage; it's the gritty elseworld of a more conventional superhero setting that rotted on the vine. Crucially, it's very, very hard to justify why the wild-west walking-atom-bomb settings of Marvel and DC wouldn't devolve into something like Worm, if allowed to press forward. In both of those settings there have been scads of storylines predicated on the idea that the settings are inherently unstable powder kegs, but they're almost never allowed to reach that true inflection point. (I would consider Secret Wars a credible exception to this; taken together, the Bendis/Hickman metaplots read like the Last Great Reckoning of the unaccountable cowboy capes, with their fuckups and overreach ultimately leading to the literal destruction of the universe. But it did go right back to normal, so.)

This is a long-winded way of saying that I think Taylor would hate or at least be uncomfortable in both settings; assuming this is a Taylor with any kind of experience, she'd read the writing on the wall, and she'd realize that this is basically the larval stage of the dysfunction that ate Earth Bet. And she'd be in a much worse position to do anything about it, because the looming dysfunction is so decentralized; no final boss, just a succession of increasingly powerful cosmic fuckheads who try to paint themselves as ultimate threat material, each stepping over the cooling bodies of the ones that tried this last month.

(Actually, I'm now envisioning a Marvel or DC crossover where the twist is that Taylor being dumped into the setting imported the narrative rules under which the Wormverse runs, and this presents an apocalyptic threat to either setting. One week of cold-open tier adventures leaves New York an unlivable ruin. A hero actually fails to stop a stolen nuke from going off and it leads to noticeable atmospheric changes. Capes abruptly start to weigh each other's shady behavior and interpersonal betrayal with a weight appropriate for, say, secretly running a villain brainwashing scheme for several years and wiping the mind of any hero who learns about it, and no team is capable of functioning. Capes start staying mostly dead. Capes start aging. There's a period of everyone's lives in which they've started operating under the laws of causality, and a ten-year dream-time blur in their memories where an impossible volume of events happened. Etc. Etc. Etc.)

MHA.... I don't actually know an incredible amount about the setting, beyond the fact that powers are ubiquitous, have been for a while, and the settings cape scene is unbelievably rigorously regulated and yoked compared to that of the Wormverse. Because of the circles I run in on here, It mostly comes up in the context of how it's perceived to have failed to thoughtfully grappled with its worldbuilding implications and character arcs, but I can't really comment meaningfully on it. My tentative assessment is that Taylor wouldn't get on with a cape scene that's that aggressively regimented without the justification of the Endbringers; I can't really get a good read on how she'd react to the suppression of quirk use (is this a thing?) outside of approved hero contexts, although I doubt that it would be a good reaction. One real difficulty when trying to extrapolate Taylor's politics (as opposed to her ethics) is that we only see her as a traumatized teen in a war zone, followed by a hyperfocused optimizer, so it's hard for me to project how she'd bounce off the political mundanities of a cape scene that's dysfunctional but not untenably so. Honestly it might depend on who antagonized her first.

Ultimately, though, a version of Taylor who's seen enough for this question to have any crunch is a version of Taylor who's gonna have a very difficult time being happy anywhere. Even the ending isn't "Thank God I can move on with my life" Taylor. It's resigned Taylor. There is no place for her in a world that doesn't need her. And a world where she can thrive is sort of its own condemnation.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 7/11/23, timezone change edition

the last time i wrote one of these things, i was not quite fully packed up in ma. now, i am technically temporarily homeless in houston, bc the apartment i originally signed on was completely unlivable. crashing in an acquaintance's guest room for a bit while i have a very bad time with apartment hunting round 2

i have lived in south florida, staten island, and various shithole student housing. i understand seasonal bugs in hot places and things such as different kinds of roaches and palmetto bugs. when i say that apartment had the worst roach infestation i've ever seen i fucking mean it. in theory i will get my full deposits back, but they're taking their sweet fucking time about it.

but having that full yes-i-know-about-seasonal-roaches conversation with new acquaintances and leasing agents takes too long so i've resorted to saying it had a horrific bedbug problem, which everyone seems to go Oh Okay Yeah Reasonable For You To Leave much more quickly.

listening

a lot of early aughts dance pop standards, to chase away the agonies as i drive to and from apartments only to get ghosted, find they were rented a week ago, or find that they look absolutely nothing like the pictures. i was really torn on which britney song to pick for this week until my sister sent me Twin Flame by Maude Latour, which i can only describe as "douchebag get the girl back song but for lesbians". spotify

also how do we like the "featured link from bandcamp or soundcloud with additional spotify link" format? in an ideal world i would buy all my music directly from the artists but realistically i use spotify 90% of the time. i don't know what your life is like, tell me if this is helpful or not.

-

reading

my best friend made sad faces at me until i read The Flatshare by Beth O'Leary, and it was a little nice to see someone else's dire housing situation get resolved neatly and with thematic consistence in several hundred pages. it was also nice to text her snippets with "WHAT?????" every so often. this is a reading experience i don't have very often bc our current reading tastes don't overlap even a little bit.

i don't have much to say about it bc i didn't have particularly strong feelings and don't really read mainstream straight romance, so i can't point out what this did differently or well compared to its peers. if nothing else, it was a fluffy bit of distraction, and i think that's kind of the point?

(image from Tor) also read Saad Z. Hossein's Kundo Wakes Up novella in a waffle house while eating some of the best scrambled eggs i've ever had in my life.

this novella was the closest thing i've ever read to "aging English professor has an affair" without actually containing any of those elements. generally i enjoy his work, but this was sort of a way to check up and tie off many characters from previous works with a sort of light frosting of "my wife left me and i don't know why [ rot13:v pna znxr fbzr thrffrf ohg gurer vf ab zbzrag bs frys-ernyvmngvba, bapr ur svaqf uvf jvsr ur whfg perrcf ba ure sebz nsne naq nsgre qrgrezvavat fur'f abg jvgu nalbar arj znxrf gur gerzraqbhf fnpevsvpvny qrpvfvba gb yrnir ure nybar op fur'f zhpu unccvre jvgubhg uvz. gurer vf ab zbzrag bs frys-ernyvmngvba nobhg jul fur zvtug unir yrsg uvz. xhaqb arire trgf bhg bs uvf bja shpxvat urnq bapr.]"

while The Gurkha and the Lord of Thursday novella (TREMENDOUS) and Cyber Mage book (fun but with some dire pacing issues) are fairly standalone, i cannot imagine you'd get much out of Kundo Wakes Up if you haven't read the other two. for some reason none of the libraries i have access to have his other book Djinn City, so we'll have to procure that elsewhere.

-

watching

the dnd movie, the day after i broke my lease on the roach apartment. i don't remember a ton about this movie. do generally like a heist. michelle rodriguez was hot

-

playing

genshin. listen. it is a free and familiar way to turn my brain off by doing open world exploration and puzzles but CRUCIALLY! most of it is completely new to me. i have not played this game in a year and a half. i have not played this game since right before enkanomiya. there was no chasm. there was no Sumeru. i have absolutely no idea what’s happening lore-wise.

i pulled for the fancy ice claymore lady and got a catboy archer (at least i think it is a catboy? the ears do give a pharaoh hound vibe... he is distinct from the extant dogboy archer). not terrible but not my vibe.

i have been enjoying the shit out of the temporary summer event carnival space. they really did pull out several stops by introducing a ton of genuinely interesting and innovating little new mechanics and mini games. delightful!

-

making

altering the worst shorts ive ever seeeeeeeeen with a demure little two-inch side slit on both legs bc my thighs simply will not quit. mens shorts are so much better than womens shorts in nearly every way except for the catastrophic physical fit issues.

when i got ghosted by two different apartments on saturday i bought myself a spoon ring so chunky it makes my other chunky rings look positively delicate by comparison. not very comfy to drive in but fine to wear while tippy tappying on the spreadsheets

a girl i saw for one singular awful date in 2016 called my hands "coarse but honest" and i think about that every time my hands are in a photo. what did that even fucking MEAN, [REDACTED]?

[blackjackkent]

A few other interesting conversations for Rakha in camp.

Halsin tells Rakha a bit more about the shadow curse and the land it has corrupted. "This land is more than just soil and rock, root and leaf," he explains. "It is a living being, in the form of a young fey boy with the forest itself in his eyes. His name is Thaniel; I've met him in my meditations. But since the curse was unleashed, I have not felt his presence. He is its prisoner, I fear. And as long as he remains so, his domain will lie in darkness. But if we can find him, we can break the curse. If you learn anything of the Shadowfell, or of a boy with the forest in his eyes, find me at once."

This is a little beyond Rakha's experience - a bit more metaphysical than her practical, direct mind is used to dealing with. But she gets the gist - there is some boy tied to the magic of this place, and his capture is the reason that it is corrupted and wrong. Find him, and they can heal the corruption, make it so the very air of this place stops stinging and burning on her skin. "What should I look for, exactly?"

"I can't be exact, unfortunately," says Halsin. "Time and the shadow curse won't have been kind to any traces that would have been left behind. A living witness is unlikely, I'll admit. But perhaps there'll be an unliving witness, or some lingering echo of what we seek. Don't worry - if you find something, you will know it."

Frankly, Rakha finds this reassurance extremely unhelpful.

-----

Astarion, meanwhile, has a New Plan.

"This dark land must be filled with the broken, the beaten, the desperate," he says thoughtfully. "The perfect preying ground for a devil who offers a way out for those who sign on the dotted line. I hope we end up seeing our friend Raphael down here somewhere."

Rakha blinks. She has not thought much about Raphael since their encounter with the devil all the way back at the Grove - and the memory does not come with any fondness. He offered to remove the worms for them, but she didn't believe him then and doesn't now - and more to the point, he is a devil like Mizora, and that means she wants nothing to do with him.

But Astarion does. "Why do you want to see him?" she demands sharply.

"Help me find him," Astarion says smoothly, "and you'll find out. When I was taken to his House, i was caught off-guard. But now... Now I know what to ask for."

Perhaps if the memory of Mizora's mocking taunts were not fresh in her ears, Rakha might be more willing to listen to this request. As it is, she scowls and shakes her head tightly. "Not unless you tell me what you're planning."

Astarion's eyes narrow. "All in due time," he says evasively. "But not now. I'm sure he'll turn up at one point or another."

[docholligay]

LOVED Mercymorn. To the point that I know I will think of her long after every other bit of this book has passed from my mind. I don't know if you saw my post, that I made while I was reading the book, about that monologue, but I understood her so keenly in that moment, i have had this EXACT experience standing in front of the city council or whatever. I will be sitting in my Purim committee next week, and I know the phrase 'I have learned not to do any of these things, because I hated the acid you put on me' the whole thing makes me laugh, 'I often think about this' echoes through my head in such a specific way that I cannot describe to another person.

But when she DESTROYS for me is at the end, when she kills God, and you see all grief that has been converted into anger, and resentment, and it's this clear, beautiful, rage that burns so hot it's not even ANGER anymore, it's been clarified into a simple, clam, need to destroy, paired with this knowledge that is not now nor will ever be the best loved of anyone. I love her SO much.

I definitely do not like Gideon at all, and it made the first one basically unliveable for me. I would consider reading on if I knew for sure that she was the real kind of dead and I would never have to hear her stupid memeing bullshit anymore ('I often think about this') This one, I don't like Harrow, but I don't hate her anymore. I don't have deep emotional feelings about her. I like reading about her! But I don't...cherish her or anything, but I actually don't feel like I had to, in order to get something out of the book. So in that way, it was a really different experience from the first one.

I haven't read the whole series, obviously, so i can only speak for these two books, but: Not liking Gideon and not being the slightest bit inclined to feel bad for Harrow hurt my experience of the first book. I mean, it made it not work for me. Not liking Gideon annoyed me minorly in this book, and the narrative seemed fine with me not being inclined to feel bad for Harrow...which ironically made it easier for me to feel something for her. So, I can't speak to the whole series, but for me it's a little bit of a coin flip, whether you need to feel for them or not.

I am interested in, and do like, the idea that this is a story about devotion and what that can look like, and what it drives us to do. I would have to reread these with more intention, now that I have the storyline itself, but I don't dislike as an idea, and i don't see any reason off the top of my head that doesn't work (excepting my lack of knowledge about the third book, obviously). As always, I am more interested in the side characters than the main ones here, but there's a lot of good possibilities.

Also, I think it is a kind of violence you do that we will never see that.

[faezrblazr]

Is this why I feel a sense of sanctuary at AA Meetings like no other place? Haven't encountered homophobia yet, but as I've learned from others, "if nobody gets on your nerves at a meeting, you just haven't been going to enough meetings." All are welcome, and where the hell else can you speak your mind and people at least are quiet enough to listen?

It's also very draining. I'm in extreme mental pain right now, and I seemto absorb and feel way too much, so sometimes I feel it's NOT good for me to go so much. My life is hanging by a thread, and I have nowhere else to go, and people have been kind to me there. I can't help it.

And a weird thing too. It's taking me a little to break through my isolation and low self esteem, so it hasn't been easy going to my AA group, but in ways I feel more at home there than at NA. In one way it's because of my queerness. At my AA group it feels like that doesn't have to matter and I can leave everything else at the door while I come in and focus on my self and experience. The NA group does have many more queer people, I think like 40% of the group I went to was such and while the rules are the same, I feel more almost pressured to make that part of my recovery. I do have some resentments regarding the gay community and how I've been incapable of forming relationships that aren't anything other than chaotic and painful.

Is this internalized homophobia? Have I been fucked up for so long, and not knowing who I am for so long, and having used "coming out" alcoholically, I still really don't? Have I snapped my own mind? Am I an empty, hungry ghost, unliving and hating it, with no energy to pick up tools for my liberation from this life, from this cruel, ravenous world?

IDK

WTF

[sherimj]

Looking for rundown, broken, torn, etc CC for a Sims 4 storyline

Although I don't have much experience in #The Sims 4 yet, I do have a storyline in mind (which accidentally might also help me write a book :D ) and for this I need CC and/or mods for (preferably #Sulani) housing that shows a house is basically unliveable. Things like broken furniture, torn wallpaper, cracked walls, torn rugs, broken planks and tiles, broken wood paneling (and like the reed paneling), etc. But also things like cobwebs (for the life of me, I can't seem to be able to find those despite seeing them in screenshots!), maybe some broken kitchenware, broken dishes, dead plants (including dead palm trees and other plants your might find outside, and also the living version if it's a CC plant) etc. Anything that shows a house (and its garden) is truly broken down and needs a LOT of love to be rebuild. The premise is that the sim inherits this house in Sulani (Chieftain's villa) after she has broken off with her family. She needs to build her up her life again from (almost) scratch.

If it helps in anyway, I currently own the following packs (and that won't change anytime soon, because I'm currently on a VERY TIGHT budget because I have just lost my job due to having contracted COVID/Post-COVID two years ago and still suffering from it and not being able to work anymore): * Basegame (obviously) * Get to work * Island Living * Eco Lifestyle * Seasons * Home Chef Hustle * Holiday Celebration * Cool Kitchen * Crystal Creations I already have the following CC, but more is very much welcome since I love to try out things and play around a bit :) : * Several things from Forgotten Cherry Hollows/Kirsicca (Toilet, Wallpaper 1, Paint Splashes, Wallpaper 2) * Ravasheen's Filthy Fabulous Part 1 and Part 2 * @mossylane's Your place or mine * Around The Sims Recups Living * @pictureamoebae's Walk the Plank Walls * SimMattically's Home Renovation Set All of the above I found with a lot of help from the amazing simmers on Ravasheen's Discord. A big shout out to all of them as well!

I know there's a mod for cracks and such that you need to repair, but that mod requires the vampires or werewolves pack (I don't remember which one) and unfortunately I have neither.

I also have (I think it's) TwistedMexi's tools that gives the BREAK object, but that only works on things like appliances, showers, toilets, etc. Of course starting fires is also in the planning, but I found the NPC's are very quick in extinguishing the fires (I evicted the original inhabitants of the lot :D ) If you happen to know anymore CC that might fit with the island living pack and especially with the Chieftain's villa, that would be awesome! Thanks everyone for your help!