#except it's not actually funny it's just kind of hollow and makes you feel tired and even more detatched

[here-there-were-dragons]

i’ve spawned an angry vaguepost rant in the fr tag in response to my unformed random thoughts, i feel like this is some kind of fr rite of passage

[shiroi---kumo]

the internal debate on whether or not to put my perception of your OCs into one ask or multiple ended in me getting distracted and checking my emails.

eventually (30 seconds ago) i decided that they would be a little of both (broken into categories) so buckle up friendo.

also buckle up for the fact i will be holding no punches in my very totally professional analysis

because somehow this ended in me checking my emails (which is productive), i will start with aamun's associated group (the soul binds, who i propose should henceforth be known as ✨ the sparkle squad ✨)

valo:

oh man oh boy i perceive him alright. he's keeping so much to himself for the betterment of others. he's always "i'm just tired today" but it's more than just tired. beyond that, he's such a kind person. he's a warm person. he seeks to understand but not really to be understood - i have to wonder what made him think in the patterns he does. i have to wonder what or who made him think he can't open up. he has such good control on himself and it's him that i'd be afraid to truly fuck with for that same reason.

palo:

it is impossible not to perceive her. she is loud, boisterous, funny - but what else is there? she became a doctor, an inventor, she wants to help others and save lives, she's sworn a life oath... all these things are serious, but often she's not taken too seriously. i think she should be. i think she'd be someone's worst nightmare if anyone laid a single finger on her liege or any of the others. she's a force to be reckoned with. scary.

sydän:

she's vibing. but she's also stuck in the same loop as her brother and there's no avoiding it - they are constantly compared or treated as one entity in some regard or another. in a way, it makes her a perfect teacher for someone like pilvi, whose expectations aren't something he can separate from himself. and in the same way, it also makes her a great advocate for usva. she's someone who understands a bit where people are coming from without much effort and she's someone who can and will argue effectively against all the bullshit. i feel that she's calculated because, in a sense, she has to be able to tear others' faulty logic apart in order to be anything at all outside of hollow labels and others' assumptions.

aamun:

lonely by twelve, barely held together by people kind enough to take him in. the world is harsh for many military kids, and aamunkoitto is absolutely no exception. there was likely no room and no time for him to be soft in the sense some others are, but he's so loving in his own ways. there is absolutely nothing he wouldn't do for those he cares about, and if anyone is able to see what somebody needs, it's definitely him. there's a lot more there than he would ever let on, and i feel like he shoulders much more blame than he's actually owed. people tend to see a tall, grumpy man who's very no-nonsense, but those same people would run to him in a heartbeat for comfort and safety. like the dawn he's named after, he is reliable and subtly comforting.

revon:

if anyone flipped to the word 'effort' in the dictionary, there would probably be a picture of revon. he is the definition of "just doing his best", and yet he feels somehow it just isn't good enough. he pushes himself to the sideline, watches over these people who love him so much, and never realizes just how fiercely he is loved in return. he would do anything to protect them and measures his self-worth in this sole trait, though the people he's so focused on worrying about think of him as so much more than that. this man deserves the world and he thinks, truly, his whole world are the handful of people he keeps close. how beautiful and tragic a character he is.

How do you perceive my OC || Accepting

AKA Theo attacked me with positivity again

✨ The Sparkle Squad ✨ you kill me. Theo you slay me and just this overwhelming love for them pouring out from you just makes me so much more excited about them and to write them. It makes me excited to write in general. I love you so much. You see them. You see them so clearly and who they are and just Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh Theo you're wonderful, thank you for loving my babies. Thank you for believing in me and my creations.

Thank you.

You see them. You see them all so clearly and I'm so glad they're coming off the way I intended. Ahhhhh yes good.

[oh-mother-of-darkness]

“Are you here all night?” Jason asked, “or are you planning to, you know, be a human? I think those go home sometimes.”

High above Jason’s head, a swarm of bats entered the cave, winding among the stalactites and screeching a kind of garbled response.

Dick, however, said nothing. He remained bent over one of the long tables on the cavern floor, examining a map Jason could barely see from his own seat a short distance behind, ignoring Jason and his sarcasm both. 

Jason didn’t enjoy being ignored. 

Fine. 

“I have some tasks you could take over,” he suggested, in his least helpful voice, “if you’re in the market for an excuse to keep working. I know you make those sometimes.”

Nothing.

“I have some weapons to clean, if you want to do that. You could type out all my old cases, if that works, because I only have the originals and those are hard to work with.”

Still nothing.

“Take out the trash?” Jason tried. “Wash the dishes? I put a load of laundry in a couple of hours ago, but there’s a wool jacket in the mix, so be careful what you put in the dryer.”

Dick didn’t move. Jason was enjoying himself now.

“Write a sonnet? Map the White House?” Jason held up a finger Dick couldn’t see, like he had just remembered something interesting. “I think there’s a library on 8th that exploded a few days back, so if you could just grab the rubble from the street and rebuild it by hand, that would be great.”

No reaction. 

“Whatever,” said Jason, “I’m out of here. Get some sleep maybe? I know the whole work-to-outrun-despair routine is your ‘thing,’ or whatever, but it never looks good on you. Have you considered—”

Jason cut himself off as Dick finally turned away from the table. Looking him in the eye, Jason felt suddenly and inexplicably afraid. 

“Go on,” said Dick, quietly.

“I’m just… saying that it might make things worse, to shut off and—” Jason pointed at the mound of paper on the table, “obsess over this stuff instead.”

“You think?” Dick asked. “No shit.”

Jason blinked. “Wait, are you—”

“Did you think it never occurred to me,” said Dick, “that I might be spinning out?”

“I didn’t say you were spinning out.”

“Were you thinking that maybe,” Dick leaned back against the table edge and crossed his arms, carefully casual in a way Jason didn’t like, “hey maybe I, Dick Grayson, haven’t noticed how it feels to be forty-nine hours into a case and puking in the bathroom sink?”

“I didn’t—”

“Maybe I just haven’t realized why my vision blurs out and I can’t think straight, and it’s weird how this happens—” Dick held up a hand, and Jason could see his fingers shaking, “—if I keep going for too long.”

“I didn’t mean to—”

“Wow, yeah, now that you mention it, this might be,” Dick said, flatly, “bad.” 

Jason glanced down at his boots to break the eye contact. “I’ll back off,” he said. “I’ll go.”

“It might be bad that I can’t sleep until I’m falling-over exhausted. Maybe I shouldn’t be taking all these cases—”

“I said I’ll back off.”

“Or writing all these notes or spending weeks on research, more than that on training—”

“Listen—”

“I probably shouldn’t be leading all these teams, huh?” Dick smiled in a way that reminded Jason of what he should have remembered before he opened his own mouth: that Dick could be very, very dangerous. “Can I get your opinion on that?”

“I’ll—”

“I KNOW!”

Jason stumbled back a step in shock. 

“I KNOW that I’m working too hard!” Dick yelled, “And I KNOW why I do it!”

“Okay!” Jason backed away again. “Okay, I get it!”

“I work so I don’t have to think! I’d rather drop dead doing this shit than stop for the millisecond it would take to feel again! Are you happy now?”

“Calm down, okay? I didn’t—”

“I don’t want to feel,” said Dick, gesturing around him, “so I’m going to stand right here over and over again.”

“Fine!”

“And I’m going to keep shutting down because it goddamn WORKS!”

Dick turned away again, bending over the table like he hadn’t said anything at all. Jason stood frozen for a moment, staring. 

“Does it?” he asked into the silence.

“No.”

“I didn’t think so.”

“Do you have something better?”

Jason looked down at his own hands and saw that they were shaking too.

“No,” he said.

“Then fuck off.”

Jason turned to leave, but Dick, it appeared, wasn’t ready to let it go. 

“I’m alive,” he said. “I’m standing and walking and doing all the things that matter.”

“Yeah.” 

“I’ve had enough of— enough of asking for help and getting—” Dick jerked an arm above his head, still turned away. “I don’t want to hear that the way I live is self-destructive. I already know. That’s why I’m here, that’s what I’m saying, that’s why I’m trying.” 

“Yeah.”

“Just… show me something better, or let me self-destruct.”

Jason fumbled awkwardly for something to say. “I’m sure— I don’t know who you’ve been talking to, but whoever that is— I’m sure they’re… trying to help.”

“You weren’t,” said Dick.

“No, I wasn’t.”

“You were trying to land a cheap shot,” said Dick, “and feel like you’re better than me.”

Yes, that was true. Jason wasn’t sorry, exactly, but he regretted it, and those were different things.  

“I guess that makes me an asshole.”

“And a hypocrite.” Dick turned around again and leaned back in the same way, quiet, in control. “You never stop either… not since the pit anyway.”

“Don’t.”

“I mean it’s different, obviously, because I don’t think you’re trying to hide it. Me, I don’t want cracks to show. I don’t want all this grief and anger and— you said despair, right?”

“Stop.”

“I don’t want the despair to show because I want to look whole, but you—”

“You’ve made your point.”

“You want to look like a week-old corpse rotting on the concrete, and may I say?” Dick smiled. “Excellent performance. You look exactly like that.”

Jason didn’t say anything.

“It’s a world of difference,” Dick continued, “because I— I’m pushing through pain… and you’re pushing to feel it.”

For a moment, they stared at each other, and Jason found that it was difficult to breathe. 

“I could yell back for that,” he said. It came out softly, more soft than he meant, as Jason shoved away something very close to shame.

“Do it.”

“No. I think it’s funny when people call me the angry one.” Jason looked down at his shaking hands again. 

“I am angry,” he conceded, “but you’re just as bad as I am.”

“Thematic,” Dick snapped. “Get out.” 

“No. You opened this book, so we’re going to read it. You’re right.”

“Leave.”

“You’re right, I do exactly what you just said I do. Sometimes I don’t sleep for days, and it’s not because I can’t.”

Well, that might not be fully true, so Jason stopped to backtrack.

“I mean,” he corrected, “I don’t know if I could sleep, if I really tried, but that’s the point I’m making. I don’t try. I don’t want to sleep.”

“I said leave.”

“It’ll be four in the morning and I’m slumped sideways on my couch watching surveillance footage I don’t need to watch, because I know when I finally drag myself to the bathroom mirror, I’ll look like hell—”

“Get out!”

“—and I want to! I feel like hell, I feel like goddamn Brutus in the Devil’s jaws, and I want to look like it. If I look like death, that means my pain is real.”

“Get out or regret it.”

“Oh, I know it’s self-destructive,” said Jason, smiling his best unnerving smile. “How could I miss it when I’m blacking out in stairwells and picking fights on purpose, just to get kicked around?”

That particular sentence, it appeared, caught Dick’s attention, because he stayed quiet this time, glaring from across the room.

Well then, Jason decided, it was time to push further. 

“Let’s get personal, shall we? Why do I live in this fucking city to see you or him or whoever else is living in the capes this week? I’m not shooting for reconciliation!”

“Well?”

“I’m going to stay here and cause problems until every single one of you hates me enough to shove me away. How’s my performance, by the way? Is it working? I’d love to get your opinion.”

Dick made a face that Jason couldn’t interpret, so Jason chose to press on. 

“It’ll hurt when I pull that off because I do actually care about you, but you know what? I’ll like that. Maybe someday all of this will kill me, and I’ll kind of like that too.” 

Jason paused a beat to let Dick interject, but Dick didn’t. 

“Your turn,” said Jason pleasantly. “Thoughts?”

Nothing.

“I like the aesthetic of self-destruction,” said Jason. “I’m going to look in the mirror tomorrow and see dark circles and scars, and it’s going to feel like being myself in a way that nothing else does.”

In that moment, watching Dick glare, Jason felt very tired— not in a way that sleep could solve, and not in a way that anyone could fix. No matter what Jason did, no matter what he tried, he could always feel himself sinking. He was empty and heavy at the same time, somehow trapped in place, unable to do anything except lie in his own blood.

A rotting corpse indeed.

“I’m not judging you,” said Jason. “I don’t have the space for that. I won’t tell you to just… change. I’m sick of hearing that too, hearing that I don’t have to do this to myself, that I am doing this to myself.”

Dick nodded. Jason wasn’t sure at what, but it felt like permission to keep going, so he did.

“I know I’m holding on to something I shouldn’t,” Jason admitted, even though it hurt to say out loud. “I know, but I can’t let go when there’s nothing else to take. I don’t have anything profound to say. I don’t… know what else there is.”

That was it. That was all Jason had, so he shrugged and stared down at the floor, waiting.

“I think if I stop working I’ll fall apart,” said Dick, finally, “and this time I won’t be able to scrape myself together.”

“Yeah.”

“I think fine, so I don’t have to keep going. I don’t have to shove away the dark and force myself through, but what would happen if I didn’t?”

“I don’t know.”

“I would be a shivering, hollow shape on my floor, maybe forever. I don’t know what I want to be, but I can’t be… I can’t be only that.” 

Jason understood.

“It’s hard,” said Dick. “I always hear— and say, I say this to other people— that things can be okay. I guess it’s true, but does it matter?” 

“What do you mean?”

“Unless I leave the cave right now and never come back, this is my life. I have an apartment and a fucked-up family—”

“Thanks.”

“—and I spend every night jumping through smog and the ghosts of everything I’ve ever done.”

“Saving people,” Jason noted.

“Win some,” said Dick, “lose some. How many times have you watched a person die?”

“A few.”

“A few.” Dick shook his head. “I know too much, but I have too much to leave behind.”

“I have a guy who makes passports on demand, if you change your mind,” said Jason. “He’s amazing.”

“Thanks.”

“Prints while you wait.”

Dick shot Jason a flat kind of look.

“What?” Jason asked. “It would simplify my plans.”

Dick half-smiled at that, and Jason got the sense that they were done yelling, maybe, for awhile.

“I feel trapped, and I don’t know how to fix myself,” said Dick, “while I’m still… here.” 

“Yeah.”

“I’m just trying to stay alive.”

“I know. Me too.”

“It isn’t getting any easier.” 

Jason thought about that for awhile. It would be nice to have an answer— something simple to say, some match to light in their common ground— but Jason couldn’t find one, so he shrugged again and hoped that understanding would be enough. 

It had to be something, didn’t it?

It was the best he could do. There were times, Jason figured, to talk about breathing exercises and the mess of self-help books piled on his dresser, but he knew this wasn’t one of them. They could call it catharsis, he decided, and leave it at that. 

“We could say it’s Bruce’s fault?” Jason suggested, since he was out of other ideas. “I like blaming Bruce for the shit I do.”

“You do?”

“Fuck off.”

Dick smiled fully at that one. “I’m not above it either.”

“Great,” said Jason. “Can I leave a note saying we blame him? No context at all, maybe on a single post-it? I think it would be really funny.”

“Sure.”

“I’ll bounce after that, for real this time.” Jason spun a finger in a circle a few times, pointing around the cave. “I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“Yeah.” Dick tapped a finger against the table a few times, like he was thinking. After a moment, he pulled a bag from the edge and started packing up his things. 

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, me too.”

Fin.

---

art by @doc-squash​

[slytherinnbitch]

Proposal Part 2

Part 1

Harry walks into the cemetery in happy spirits. He can't wait to tell his parents about his decision to marry Draco.

When he stops infront of his parents grave, he finds fresh flowers there already. That's weird...

He frowns as he vanishes them and conjures up his own flowers in their place.

"Hey Mum, hey Dad," he says as a way of greeting as he sits down beside them.

"So I'm proposing to Draco tomorrow, I think it's about time, you know? It's just...I- I miss you. Like I have everything but one. Draco's parents, they aren't bad. I think I like them somewhat. Yeah I know how that sounds, Padfoot is probably horrified right now. The Malfoys, pup? How could you!" Harry makes a poor impression of Sirius and smiles as he thinks the scene which is hopefully happening in some other world.

"Tell him I know what I'm doing. Well somewhat. Do you think he will say yes? What if...what if he doesn't want to marry me? What will I do then, Mum? Honestly, I have no idea but I hope I don't have to think about that. I shall get going now, it's late and Draco is waiting." He caresses the grave once fondly, says his goodbye and apparates away.

...

"Hey Mione, I can hear Pans in the background as well." Draco says when he answers the phone call. It had taken him some time but now he could easily use most muggle appliances.

"Dracoooo," Hermione slurs and that astonishes Draco because Hermione never drinks a lot. Just a glass of wine or maybe two mugs of lager but not so much to get drunk. Just 'happy tipsy' she had called it when he had asked years ago.

"We have a secreeeeeet," Pansy sing-songs in the background.

"What secre-" Draco starts but suddenly it's Ron on the line, "Hey mate. Don't pay them mind, I have never seen these two more drunk. Hermione wanted to call to tell you that everything is in proper order and they have told Harry that tomorrow you have a picnic under the stars, as a gift from them. We'll meet you after, yes?"

"Yes, if everything goes well. Otherwise I would be vanishing from the face of the Earth for the next decade or four." Draco jokes, not really. Ron chuckles and they hang up.

Just then, Harry comes home and they order takeout, both of them too tired to cook dinner.

Just before midnight, Draco traps Harry between his body and their bedroom wall, "Hello, love."

A shiver runs down Harry's spine and Draco grins slyly, even after a decade Harry has the same reaction. Honestly, it's good for his ego.

"Hi..." Harry breathes, as he arches his neck in a silent request. Draco places sweet kisses all over his jaw and neck, sucking new marks and biting the tender skin now and then.

Harry is panting by the time he finds his lips. His wand vibrates in his pocket at the slight reminder that it's their anniversary.

"Happy Anniversary, Scarhead." Draco says against his lips and Harry smiles.

"Happy Anniversary, Ferret."

It's tradition to call each other names when wishing the other on a special day and at this point, it's quite adorable. You didn't hear that from him.

...

"We should really thank Hermione and Pansy for this, don't you think?" Harry asks as they finally sit down on the picnic blanket. The sky is bare of any clouds and they can easily see all the stars.

"Indeed, we should. What about an exclusive vacation to some exotic place? You think they would like that?" Draco suggests. It's the least he could do after such an wonderful arrangement.

"I think so, point me your star again?"

He takes Harry's hand and points towards the sky, slowly making an imaginary line with their hands.

There's a pleasant breeze blowing and the place is absolutely perfect, it's now or never.

"Harry, love. I have something to say," Draco says tentatively. Ugh, nerves!

"Oh? I have something to ask as well. You can go first though," Harry offers and smiles charmingly at him. Salazar and Godric, hope he says yes. Because Draco doesn't know how to live with a no, not after everything.

Here goes...

"Could you please stand up, please." Draco asks, "There's something I like to show you."

Harry frowns at him for a moment but stands up and faces Draco. He really hopes Hermione and Pansy can see them and start-

The sky is filled with different fireworks and Harry looks at them in awe. Harry had always been fascinated with fireworks and nothing brings Draco more joy than making Harry smile.

The words Will You Marry Me? shines through everything at last, crystal clear- thanks to Fred and George's handiwork. He gets down on one knee and takes out the ring box and holds it open.

Harry frowns at the words in the sky for a moment, then opens his mouth to say something to Draco and freezes when he sees him on knee.

"Draco..." Harry gasps, and his eyes widen. Maybe this was a bad idea, well it's too late now anyways.

"Harry, love. Today marks our ten years and in the past decade, I have learned so many things, I learned kindness and how love feels like and how- what I'm trying to say that in the last decade you have made me a better person each day and made me fall more in love with you. I want to do that for the rest of our lives and even if I don't really deserve it, I want to make you mine forever. So tell me, Harry James Potter, will you do the honour of marrying me?" Draco finishes with a smile and a single tear rolls down Harry's cheek.

"As inspiring as that was. This just isn't fair!" Harry whines and for a moment Draco thinks Harry is going to stomp his foot.

Draco hasn't been more confused in his entire life. He gives Harry a questioning look. Is he even going to get an answer or what?

Harry takes a calming breath and goes down on his knees. "This is what I'm talking about," he says and fiddles with his jacket and produces a black box, a ring box and was he ......

He opens the box and Draco looks up at him, "Yes, you idiot. I was planning on asking you tonight but no you always have to compete me." Harry huffs and then Draco starts laughing.

He can't help it, it's funny. They are both idiots, utter idiots. Harry looks very much like he wants to join Draco in his amusement but he holds off for ami minute, looking slightly put out. Then he joins in as well.

"So that's a yes then?" Draco asks, it doesn't hurt to be sure. Harry looks at him with are-you-actually-this-daft expression, usually Harry is on the receiving end of that expression.

"I can't even look at you right now." Harry says and drags him in for a rough kiss.

"Idiotic prat." Harry says as they break apart. "No Draco, I won't marry you. I just wanted to see how it might feel to propose to you on our anniversary just for laugh, yeah?"

Draco gives him a sheepish smile and Harry shakes his head.

"Give me your hand," Draco demands and Harry smiles fondly at his tone and gives his left hand. Draco takes out ring and places it on his ring finger where it will rest forever.

"My turn," Harry says and takes his hand in his and delicately places the ring there.

They look at each other tenderly with all their love on display, then slowly come closer. As if it's their first kiss and it feels like such as well, almost shyly they kiss each other, tender with love and rough with passion.

...

As they pull apart, someone behind them mutters, "Fucking finally!" And then all their friends are there, yelling out congratulations in various degrees as they come out from wherever they were hiding.

Pansy is the first one to reach them and she engulfs Draco in a hug and murmurs something in his ear which makes Draco swat her arm. She is onto Harry when Hermione arrives, closely followed by Ron, Blaise, Luna and Ginny.

They all congratulate them as hugs and kisses are exchanged. Harry is grinning throughout the night, even as they make their way back home.

He had been surprised when he noticed that they both had chosen almost identical rings for each other, except for the size of the diamonds. He had kissed Draco very inappropriately when he had noticed, much to Ron's horror. Seriously, the dramatics never stopped when it came to Ron and Draco.

"Draco...did you...visit my parents yesterday?" Harry asks as they keep their coats.

"...yes, I did, you know to ask for their permission. How did you-" Draco doesn't get time to finish because Harry is onto him.

He can't express the amount of love that passes through him at that single sentence. Draco went to Godric's hollow to ask his parents. The gesture is so sweet that he can actually feel his heart ache. They lose themselves in one another after that, no longer waiting for words to express their feelings, but rather showing it with their actions as they make sweet tender love.

Unbeknownst to both of them, craved inside their rings, is their story.

Masters of Their Own

Tagging @cissa-bee @sorry-i-ship-drarry @cupofsquirrelfan @textrovert-01 @a-disasterperson @thebusyfangirl @moramystery because you all requested this!

Part 3

[safetyrat]

Hiiii maybe LL!Ren for the character headcannon thing?

hey!! yes!! im really glad i get to talk abt ren bc he lives in my head rent free At All Times :) ty very much for requesting him

Realistic: While Ren did want to win, i mean thats kind of the whole point of the game, he never was truly passionate about it? Like, he saw how it was a hollow victory last season and being a natural two lifer, he didn't see his chances as too great. The driving force for making alliances and gearing up was mostly survival instinct. He would try, of course, but he woudn't go as far as betraying allies or doing anything else crazy like that, this game wasn't worth it.

Well, he used to think so. But BigB saying that if they win, a part of his queen wins with them? That stuck with him, for some reason. He is willing to go far futher, now. A far lot futher.

He needs to win, after all.

Funny: He still is very much a werewolf, but he does not transform on full moons (bc server power supression, regulation to make the game more fair etc. etc. whatever, he just naturally is a bit dogboy anyways). Instead, he just kinda,, goes crazy goes stupid? think this post without the transforming basically.

It is especially incredibly inconvinient as this is Very Likely To Happen during the mysterious and very important meetings with Martyn/the Shadows. Sometimes this just makes him get into their weeb roleplay even more, more likely than not it ends up with furniture being nibbled on and everybody else incredibly tired with how much affection he demands. Usually Martyn has to console him bc he is very embarrassed afterwards. This is a routine they have developed in Dogwards. They Are Used To This.

(And yes, this is the reason he set himself on fire and we didnt see it in his episode. Fuck You if that wasnt even a full moon. It's also why Martyn insists on teaming with him afterwards, he clearly needs somebody)

Sad: He made a grave for his queen. Well, not a grave grave, her body is with the Joel and the other reds, and Ren doesn't think he even has half the claim to it as they do, but as close to closure as he could get. He gathered every trinked and item he could find that felt connected to her (I headcanon time to be much slower for them, so the recordings take a few days and there are days of down time between the recordings. You would be suprised how much Stuff piles up when you live with somebody for a few weeks) and burried it in the ashes of the fairy fort. Despite everything that happens late game, he always makes sure to go there and take care of it a bit, restore parts of the fairy fort maybe. He feels a bit silly, doing so in a death game, but he feels like its part of his duty to her. Like he owes it for not being able to protect her.

Canon who: OK SO this isnt entirely original, but!!!! do u know the post thats like "3rd life happend in a millisecond on the hermitcraft server, and when everybody returned they werent even sure it actually happend? and ren didnt even know if martyn actually exists?"

PLEASE if somebody knows where to find that post send it to me, its a banger and i wanna credit it properly

So take this and extend it to Last Life. Imagine Ren waking up after being killed, having watched first Lizzie, then BigB, then Martyn die, die, die. Imagine him opening his eyes in a panic, ready to scream for help from his allies, only to see... Doc? Looking concerned at him? Asking "Are you alright, man? You blanked out for a second there."

He is in a meeting. Doc looks expectantly at him to explain the new developments of the octagon. His whole life has just changed.

But it has been just a second. And every other second that passes, his memory gets more blurry. Did he really imagine that? Was he going crazy? Did he make them up? Make up three whole new people important to him? After all, most of the other players in that game had been hermits, except the ones closest to him, for some reason.

But no matter how much time passed, he could clearly remember their faces, and you know how they say that you can't make a new face up in a dream? He hung onto that.

Weeks later, and he doesn't remember why, but he metioned it to Pearl. And she told him about a little server she was on once called Evo, and that she had known Martyn and BigB there. She admits not knowing where they are now, but it is enough to make Ren determined to find them.

She also mentions another server, one she still frequents today, and while it doesn't usually have visitors, she promises to arrange something.

Time passes again, then Ren finds both Gem and Pearl at his front door and they take him on a journey to a world of empires.

It's where he gets to see his queen again, and this time, she is more royal then she has ever been before.

[myhockeyworld87]

Ruined - Jamie Benn - Part 8

Word Count: 4,412

POV: Jamie

Warnings: Language, Angst

Recap: Things were going well for our high school sweethearts, that was until a backyard BBQ party. Our reader heard Caitlyn and Sara talking about her relationship with Jamie, and what she heard didn’t sit well. Let’s see if everything will be ruined or not?

Notes: So here we are the final chapter (though there will be an epilogue). Thank you guys so much for being patient with me on this one. I fully expet that this will not get any notes or reblogs but I seriously don’t care. I know that some of you really wanted to see how this story ended and I wanted to give you that. I loved this story from the start and I wasn’t just not going to end it. For those of you that are upset that I wrote this, please refrain from coming in my inbox at me, I’ve worked over 30 hours in 2 days and don’t need your hate this week. (Also if there are typos that’s why, my proofing suffered) At any rate, I hope those of you that do read it enjoy watching the pieces all fall together. As always Happy Reading!!! 

MASTERLIST

Sidenote: Also (Y/NN) = Your Nickname (Y/LN) = Your Last Name

"Hey Segs, have you seen (Y/N)?"

 Tyler cocked his head back before answering you. "Really? You're not attached to her side?" You didn't feel the need to respond and instead just gave him a death glare. Tyler just clasped your shoulder and drew you close to him. "Come on Chubbs, I'm just teasing, but you haven't let her out of your sight all night. It's kind of cute." You wanted to argue, but you might have kept her in your line of vision since the moment she got here, except when she was off with Jessi. Which is who you should be looking for since that's who (Y/N) had last been talking to.

 You tried to move out of Tyler's grasp to do just that, but the man continued on. "I mean it, man. I haven't seen you like this before. I'm really happy for you."

 "Thanks, Seggy." Most of your teammates felt the same way. They liked (Y/N), but then what was not to like. She was smart, funny, outgoing, and beautiful, and on top of that, she was a brilliant and talented doctor. Damn, you were lucky that she had given you another chance. There was no way you were going to screw this one up.

 "There she is," Tyler pointed out, bringing you out of your musings. "And there she goes." He added as (Y/N) literally headed out the front door. You were striding towards the door before you even had time to think about it. You tried to calm your racing heart, telling yourself that maybe she'd spilled something on her clothes and that she was going home to change, or that she'd suddenly remembered she'd left the curling iron on. The feeling in the pit of your stomach was saying something different though. Something felt off. It was the way she ran to the front door not making eye contact with a single person and how she shut the door, not a full-out slam, but definitely done with more force than necessary.

 "Hey Jamie, how about we…" you didn't even spare Caitlyn a second glance. You all but shoved her out of the way when she tried to step in front of the door. This time you were the one slamming it shut, letting her know that she was not welcome to follow you.

 "(Y/N)!" you screamed, as she was halfway in the neighbor's yard, yet she didn't turn around. "(Y/N)!" You were in an all-out run now, panic kicking in as she wasn't answering you back. By the time you reached her she was at her door ready to punch in the key code. "(Y/N) didn't you hear me?" You grabbed her upper arm, as you caught your breath.

 "Leave me alone, Jamie."

 It was at that moment that you were able to turn her to face you. Tears were rolling down her face. "Jesus, what's wrong?" You tried to hold her close to your chest, comfort her, but she wasn't having any of it, as she pulled free of your hold on her.

 "What's wrong?" She shouted indignantly. "What's wrong, is that I never want to see you again."

 Her words felt like a slap to your face, and you flinched back as if she had actually struck you. "I…I…," now was not the time to become tongue-tied. "What did I do? Tell me and I'll make it right. I swear it." You went to touch her, but she jumped back out of your reach, shrugging you off. You couldn't breathe. This couldn't be happening again. You wouldn't let it happen. "Talk to me (Y/N)."

 Arms crossed she stood there defiantly, her whole demeanor changing. Gone was the weeping woman from moments ago, as she seemed to turn her whole wrath on you. "I'm sick and tired of it, Jamie. Am I just some sort of game to you? Is that all I am? All I ever was?"

 "What are you talking about? Of course, you're not some game." Surely, she had to see how much she meant to you and how much none of this made sense at the moment. "If you'll just tell me what happened…"

 "Like you don't know. Your little playing dumb game isn't going to work this time." She shoved your chest hard, causing you to stumble back. "Now get off my property." (Y/N) took advantage of the moment, opening the door and whisking away inside. She was just about to slam it shut, and lock you out more than likely, when you pushed the heel of your hand hard against the door, stopping her. "I said leave me alone."

 You ignored her protests, shoving your way inside. "It's not going to work this time. I'm not leaving. I don't care if it takes days or weeks but I'm not giving up on us this time."

 A bitter scoff left her lips as she crossed the entryway and headed deeper into her home. You stalked her every move, following her to the kitchen. "You can drop the act you know. Now that I know everything there's no need to pretend."

 "I'm not pretending. I don't even know what the fuck we're talking about so how could I be." You could see the anger bubbling up inside her. What or who had made her question your feelings for her was beyond you, but one way or another you were going to get to the bottom of this. "Just tell me what happened?" You pleaded yet again. "Or I'll go back over to that house and question every damn person until I find out the truth."

 "The truth?" she laughingly mocked. "That's rich considering you've been lying to me."

 "What the hell have I lied about?" Your brain was working overtime going through every word that you'd said to her since bumping into her on the road that day. Sure, you'd maneuvered your way into being her guide around the arena but could you really consider that a lie? Then there was Jordie and Jessi's party, you'd used it to your advantage to see her again; it was a slight deception but harmless. You didn't think either of those things would cause her to be this angry with you. "Ok, so I begged Jordie to invite you to his house because I had to see you again (Y/N). I just wanted a chance to be with you again. I didn't think you'd be this upset about it."

 "You what?" You could see her processing your words, and it registered then that that wasn't the lie she spoke of. What else could it be? "So, Jordie and Jessi are in on it too? I thought she was my friend."

 You knew she spoke of her developing friendship with Jess and you didn't want her questioning that. "They only did it because they know how much I cared about you. How much I still do. How much I love you." You'd held back the words the past two days, knowing that she wasn't ready to hear them just yet. Now there was no reason. She needed to know how you felt. That your feelings for her had never gone away, not even one day in fourteen years.

 "Those words fall so easily off your lips. Do you even know what love is?" She spat the allegation at you and it stung like a thousand bees all descending on you at once.

 "How can you say that?" You walked closer to her, and she turned away. "I loved you all those years ago, just as I do now. I never stopped. Maybe back then I was stupid to realize how much our love meant to me, but I'm not young and naïve anymore. I know you're the only one for me and if you would just look at me right now, you would see that I'm telling you the truth." Gently, you touched her shoulder urging her to turn. She did. Her eyes raising to meet yours, both shining with tears and you prayed to God she would see the love you had for her there. "I love you, (Y/N). I always have and I always will."

 She sucked in a breath at your admission and you knew that somehow, someway deep down she saw the love you had for her. "I…I…" She pivoted then on her heel, walking away, catching herself on the kitchen island as she took deep gulps of air.

 Carefully, as if you were approaching a timid animal, for in essence (Y/N) was just as fragile, you made your way to her. You placed your hands on her shoulders, not asking her to turn to you, but needing to touch her and comfort her in any way you could. "It's ok if you don't love me. I can wait. I'll wait as long as you need. I'm not going anywhere."

 She bowed her head and you could hear her sniffle. It took everything in you to not gather her up in your arms, but you knew she'd only reject that right now. "I don't understand how you can say those things," she finally whispered. "I know you don't want me here."

 "Don't want you here? Who told you that?" She shrugged and this time you twirled her to face you. "Whoever told you that, lied. I would die without you here." The laugh she gave was hollow and you knew she didn't believe you. "I'm serious (Y/N). You live two houses from me and it's too far. I want to be with you every minute of every hour of the day."

 "But they said you were trying to get me fired."

 Your eyes grew round like saucers and now you were the one that had anger coursing through your veins. Who would say such a thing? Who would want to destroy your happiness like this? Though none of it mattered at the moment. The only thing that did was the woman in front of you. "(Y/N), I don't want you fired. That's the last thing I want. If I could I'd have you at every practice and every game; home and away." With a tilt of her chin, you raised her head up to look you in the eye once more. "You are a brilliant doctor and the Stars are lucky to have you. I'm lucky to have you." It was the first time since this all started that her lips turned up in a slight smile, before quickly going to a look of confusion.

 "But they said you went and talked to the owner about getting rid of me."

 You laughed. Probably not the best thing to do at the moment considering the scowl that crossed (Y/N)'s face. "The truth is, I did go talk to Tom, but not about getting you fired. I went to see if it was possible for you to come on the road with us as well." She shook her head in disbelief. "I told you (Y/N), I don't want to be without you. I'll call him right now and he can tell you that himself." You reached into your pocket to grab your phone to do just that, though she clasped your wrist to stop you.

 "No, it's ok Jame. I believe you." Silently you thanked God for this small favor. Maybe if she believed you about this, she would know you were telling the truth about everything else. (Y/N) started to pace around the kitchen, her mind working overtime again. "I know it was fourteen years ago, Jame, but it feels like it's happening all over again."

 It did feel that way. "So, let's not let history repeat itself. Let's work this out (Y/N)." She stopped in tracks, then gave a small nod.

 "Ok."

 "Maybe we should start at the beginning." She gave her agreement, but you clarified. "I think we need to go back fourteen years."

 "You think that will change anything?"

 You shrugged, not knowing if it would or not, but you thought it best that the two of you get everything out in the open. "Yes, no…I don't know. It's worth a try." It would hurt opening up old wounds but maybe talking about them would finally give her a chance to heal and in turn, give you both a chance at happiness.

 You blew out a frustrated breath before starting. "I know it was wrong to talk about what happened between us with Jordie. I should've just kept it between us."

 (Y/N) closed her eyes and you could see the pain of what had happened written all over her face. "What did you say to him?"

 "Nothing like what was going around the school; I swear it." You could see she didn't believe you. Given what was said, you could see why. "Look all I told Jamie was that it was the most amazing night of my life and…" you started to blush at reveling this next part. "And I thanked him for the couple of tips he gave me." There was a smirk on her face at your admission and you could see that she wanted to ask what they were but she also knew now was not the time to get into it. "I didn't realize that Connor was in the locker room and overheard everything."

 "Conner Barnhart? You mean Alyssa's brother?"

 "Yeah," It was still hard to believe that (Y/N)'s brother, Justin, had married Alyssa for you remembered how much of a menace she'd been to not only (Y/N) but yourself. Alyssa had tried, on more than one occasion, after you and (Y/N) broke up, to go out with you, though you'd refused her at every turn.

 "So, let me get this straight. You told Connor that you only dated me because I was easy? Did you think that would keep him quiet or something?"

 "I never said that, to him or anyone."

 "But then…who did?" You'd like to know the answer to that as well.

 "I'm not sure. I threw Connor up against the lockers and threatened to beat the shit out of him if he told anyone. Which is how I ended up suspended for the next three days." You can still remember how pissed your parents had been when they found out.

 "I thought you were sick?"

 You ran your hands through your hair as you remembered the look of disappointment on your parent's faces when they were called to the principal's office. "That's what we told everyone. The principal agreed not to have it on my formal record so that it didn't hurt my chances to get into college. At the time I thought I'd be playing hockey at some university and having a black mark on my transcript might hurt those chances. So, they agreed to keep me out of school for three days. Hence, my mom not letting me talk to you when you called." It had been the longest three days of your life back then. If you only knew back then that those three days would lead to fourteen years without (Y/N), you would've done things differently. "I wrote it all in that letter to you."

 "But I ripped it up and threw it away." You nodded. It had been that moment that you knew you had no hope of getting back together with her and had given up. "So, let me get this straight. The only thing Connor ever knew was that we had sex."

 "And that it was amazing." It probably didn't need to be said, but you were trying to get on her good side after rehashing all these old memories.

 "It was," she admitted and you wanted to add that it still was, but again the timing seemed off. "He had to have made up the rest, but why would he do that?"

 "I'm wondering that myself. He didn't have anything to gain that's for sure. Though I couldn't follow through with my threat after being suspended." Though you wanted to, more than anything. If the little shithead had played hockey, instead of soccer you would've checked him so hard into the boards, that he wouldn't be playing for a least a week. It would've been worth the five-minute penalty.

 "Someone obviously wanted to break us up, just the same as tonight."

 "(Y/N), Who said I wanted you fired and all the rest of that shit?"

 It was her turn to blush this time, though, for the life of you, you couldn't figure out why. "I overheard someone say it."

 You could care less about her eavesdropping, that didn't matter. "Who said it?"

 "Caitlyn and Sara." Red hot anger coursed through you, at the thought of these two girls making up lies to tear you and (Y/N) apart. The scary thing was it had almost worked. You wanted to march back over there only to throw them out of your house, but you could deal with them later. Right now, the only woman that mattered was the one in front of you, who looked as though she was ashamed to have believed them in the first place. "I'm sorry Jamie. I should've never believed a word they said. I was just too blind to see that they were lying."

 This time when you took her in your arms she came easily. It felt so good to just hold her again. "It's ok," you told her in a soft soothing voice while you dropped a kiss on her head. "Given our past, I can see why you were skeptical. I just hope that you can trust me going forward."

 She looked up into your eyes. "I do Jamie. I trust you. I should've trusted you fourteen years ago. I was stupid to think that you would say all those things after what we had shared that night. It's my fault we weren't together all this time."

 "You weren't stupid. I should've been more aware of where I was and waited to talk to Jordie at home in private. I'm just as much to blame for what happened. I just don't understand why people want to break us apart when we're meant to be together." You leaned down and dropped a kiss to her lips. It was soft and tender, reminiscent of all those years ago when you'd first kissed her. You wanted to kiss her like this every day from now until the end of time but she pulled back from it, too quick for your liking.

 "I think I know who started those rumors back in high school."

 "Who?"

 "I need to make a call to see if I'm right." She searched her pockets then the house, looking you assumed for her cell phone. "Shit, I left it in your bedroom."

 You took her hand and started for the door. "Let's go."

 "No, wait. Everyone is still there and I probably look a mess, just give me five minutes to freshen up." She headed for the stairs and you followed.

 "I'm not letting you out of my sight." She laughed, the sound one of the best things you'd ever heard.

 It took a little longer than the five minutes she'd anticipated as you showered her with kisses every so often, but soon you were headed across the lawn and back to your house. When you saw both Sara and Caitlyn as you walked through the front door, you stopped. It took every ounce of willpower in your body to not say anything to them. Instead, you clasped (Y/N)'s hand and spun her body into yours, before stealing her breath away in a searing kiss. You heard a few cheers from your teammates as you kissed her passionately, and you were pretty sure you heard Caitlyn stomp her feet before slamming your front door shut. Good riddance.

 Once you were tucked away in your bedroom, the party still going on downstairs, (Y/N) grabbed her phone to make the call she spoke about. "Hey Justin," she said to her brother. "Is Alyssa there?" He must have replied yes then went off to find her. It was then that (Y/N) put the call on speaker.

 "Hey (Y/N), what's up?"

 "This might sound stupid, Alyssa, but I have to ask you something. Please be honest with me."

 "Ok."

 "Back in high school did you start that rumor about Jamie only sleeping with me because I was easy?" You started to put the pieces together as you waited for Alyssa to answer.

 There was a long pause on the other end before she said anything. "I'm so sorry (Y/N). I was young and stupid…and…god can you ever forgive me?"

 You looked at (Y/N), who looked back at you. It would be her call to forgive her sister-in-law, not yours. "What's done is done," (Y/N) finally told her. "We can't change it, but why did you do it?"

 "I…I wanted Jamie." You had already figured that part out and you were pretty sure (Y/N) had as well. "So, when Connor told me what he overheard in the locker room, I started the rumor. I thought if I could break you two up, that he'd want to date me. Obviously, that backfired. I'm just so sorry I hurt you both in the process."

 "We all make dumb mistakes Alyssa. I just wish you would've told me sooner."

 "I know. I should've said something back then or at least when I got together with Justin, but I didn't want you to hate me. Say you don't hate me, please." You could tell Alyssa was crying in the background. She was going to have a lot of explaining to do to Justin as well.

 "I don't hate you." (Y/N) told her. Part of you wanted to hate Alyssa for destroying what you had with (Y/N), but then it was so long ago and what you had now with her was so much better. "But I can't forgive you right now either. It's going to take time."

 "I understand," Alyssa sobbed into the phone. "For what it's worth I am truly sorry."

 "I know, and thank you for telling me the truth now. We'll talk soon." With that (Y/N) hung up the phone.

 "I'm sorry, (Y/N)," you offered by way of apology for everything that she'd gone through tonight.

 "Oh Jame," she said, grabbing your hands in hers in the process. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I should be apologizing to you. I should've known that you wouldn't have said those things about me then or even now. Instead, I doubted us." She took both your hands in hers, then looked you straight in the eye. "Can you ever forgive me?"

 "There's nothing to forgive. I told you before, I'm as much to blame. It's in the past and I'd rather concentrate on our future." Taking your joined hands, you brought hers to your lips and tenderly kissed them, hoping and praying that she wanted a future with you as well.

 "I'd like that too, Jame." Cupping her face, you brought her lips to yours. Downstairs, the party continued on as you could hear music and people chattering in the background, yet ensconced here in your bedroom, it felt as though you were the only two that existed in this world. You weren't sure how long the two of you stayed like that, mouths just fused together, loving one another.

 "We should probably go back down," you suggested even though you wanted nothing more than to simply lay (Y/N) on your bed and make love to her until neither of you could see straight. She nodded and you both got up off the bed from where you had been sitting, though you couldn't resist kissing her one more time.

 “We should probably go back down,” you suggested even though you wanted nothing more than to simply lay (Y/N) on your bed and make love to her until neither of you could see straight. She nodded and you both got up off the bed from where you had been sitting. Taking her hand, you entwined your fingers with her then headed to the door. (Y/N) stopped though and tugged you back towards her.

 “Before we go down there, there’s just one more thing I have to say.” You took a deep breath, still half afraid that she was going to run and never come back this time. “You said something earlier, that I can’t get out of my head.” You tried to replay the events of the last hour over in your head but so many things were said you couldn’t be sure what she was referring to, and so you furrowed your brow in question. “You said you never stopped loving me.” It was true. If someone would’ve said that to you years ago, you would’ve laughed at them and shrugged off their comments, but the moment (Y/N) walked back into your life, you knew that she was your first and only love. You went to tell her that but she continued. “I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I never stopped loving you either.” A grin that would stretch across the Grand Canyon took over your face and your arms wrapped around her waist to pull her close. “I pushed so many others out of my life and I’m only realizing now, that it’s because they weren’t you. I tried to close off my heart to you when I ran into that first day in Dallas, but you managed to burst through and not give up on us, and I’m so thankful you didn’t. I know I said before that I wanted to try to give us a shot, but there’s no one else in this world for me. I love you with my whole heart and soul, Jamie Benn.”

 Your heart was pounding so hard, you thought it would beat right out of its chest, but then that would be fine because you knew that (Y/N) would be right there to catch it. “I love you too (Y/N), with all that I am and so much more.” Your mouth came down on hers and though you’d kissed a thousand times before, this was one special. It spoke not only of love but of pain, of sorrow but joy, of all things that had been and all that would come tomorrow, for your future was here with her and there was no place else that you’d rather be.  

[recurring-polynya]

Your thoughts and headcannons on Nemuri Hachigou because I don't think she gets talked about enough, when in reality she's pretty interesting, she's essentially, a blank slate, Mayuri's second chance that I don't think he feels like he deserves. She's Nemu but she isn't and I think people(especially Mayuri) forget that a lot, that's a fascinating position to be in.

Puttin’ this under a cut because I’m gonna say some unkind things about Mayuri and I do not want to cause any distress to the many lovely people on this website who delight in his horrible antics.

This is not so much a headcanon so much as a thing I came up with for fanfiction purposes, but it’s all I got.

Right. So, like I said, I despise Mayuri. I just hate him. I understand that he appeals to some people, but I strongly dislike the dude and go to exorbitant lengths to avoid him ever appearing in my fanfic.

Additionally, I do not vibe with Nemu 7. She registers as not-a-person for me, she’s basically an extension of Mayuri himself. Don’t get me wrong, I find Mayuri’s treatment of her to be vile and I wish someone would take her away from him, but she comes off as very robotic to me. She is conscious, but she is not an independent being, if that makes sense. She is not a real girl. It’s funny that Mayuri keeps talking about how advanced she is, because clearly he means only her cognitive and fighting abilities. In terms of recreating a person, she’s incredibly primitive compared to the other mod souls we see. Take Kon, for example, who has a fairly limited powerset, but is never presented as less of a soul than any of the other characters. An even more interesting example is Ururu and Jinta. Ururu is described as being older than Jinta, and she is clearly “less human” than him-- she has less affect, she shifts into a distinct “attack” mode, etc, which implies that Jinta represents advances in mod soul technology. It’s notable that Urahara and Tessai and even Renji, in the canon scene where he protects the Shouten kids, never treats them as anything less than people. The contrast with the way Mayuri treats Nemu is stark. He likes that her feelings and personality are limited, he sees this as a feature.

I was completely unmoved by the entire chapter where Nemu died. Her sacrifice did not come across to me as anything indicating growth or humanity-- in every battle she's ever been in, she nearly dies because Kurotsuchi tells her to. She simply prioritizes Mayuri over herself. She always has. It’s simply the logical extension of her programming. A lot of people say they would have preferred Nemu to live and Mayuri to die and for sure I would have *preferred* that, but I have never seen Nemu as enough of a character to be worth rooting for. Like, at least Uryuu would have gotten some satisfaction form killing his clown ass, and that might have convinced me for at least half a second that he actually was on the side of the Quincy.

Caveat: if some talented fanficcer wants to write a short novel on Nemu discovering her humanity etc etc, I’m all for it, I’m just saying that canon hasn’t given us anything to suggest she would do more than just shut down without Mayuri to tell her what to do.

Onto Nemuri 8. I can’t believe they let Mayuri have another one. It makes my blood boil. The dude is an on-screen abuser and Kubo had the gall to try to make me feel sorry feel him (I did not) and then gave him another one.

So, I took her away from him.

I mentioned earlier that I go to great lengths to keep Mayuri the hell out of my fanfic, and usually the way I do that is to have my characters go through Akon whenever they have to deal with Squad 12. I think I started doing this because Akon is sort of weirdly familiar with Renji and Rukia in the TYBW, but I have projected all over him and he’s mine now. The way I assume Squad 12 functions, based on my career in scientific programming, is that Mayuri is like a primary investigator-- he's the Big Ideas guy and he spends a lot of time doing wholly self-directed research. He’s the face of Squad 12, so he has to go talk to the Captain-Commander and beg for money and defend blowing things up, but when it comes to science stuff, he does what he wants. Nemu is the lieutenant, and I think she handles most of the usual lieutenanting-- paperwork, meetings, etc., but I think Mayuri takes up a lot of her time by using her as a personal lab assistant on his wacky projects. There's nothing wrong with this, but I think in a lot of squads, the lieutenant is responsible for the day-to-day running of the squad and spends a lot of time dealing with their subordinates and other lieutenants. Nemu, instead, focuses on her captain. Now, the rest of the Gotei counts on Squad 12 for a lot actually-- gigai, Hollow tracking, Dangai monitoring, etc. etc. From the point of view of most science people, this stuff is mundane-- it’s all application, not development, and all the difficulty is in the twitchy little details. It’s frustrating and it’s unrewarding and you never get credit for it, and it is vitally important. There is a certain kind of science professional that makes a career out of this. They usually have master's degrees instead of PhDs, and they are usually tragically underpaid and underappreciated for what they do. In the real world, without these people, you wouldn’t have mass vaccination sites or weather data on your phone or cute li’l robots landing on other planets. In Bleach, these are the people keeping soul reapers alive in the field. And in my mind, this is Akon’s department.

So here’s the headcanon:

After Nemu’s death, Mayuri has so much sad clown pain about it that he wants another robot child poste-haste, but can’t bring himself to do the actual work, so he shoves it off onto Akon, with a list of the design specs he wants. The last one was pretty good, Akon can handle a few minor upgrades, it doesn’t need his personal hand in it. Thinking about going through all that work again just pisses him off, honestly. What a waste!

And Akon's like, yeah, cool, fine. It was heavily implied that he did a lot of the work on Nemu 7, it's just a matter of digging out his old notes and cleaning out some vats.

Except that, right around the same time, Rukia and Renji decide to have a baby.

Babies are super rare in the Gotei, and it’s not like those stuffy nobles are gonna let Akon look at their precious offspring. But Rukia is a rank weirdo, and Akon is their pal, so she’s always like “I hear they have these things in the Living World where you can pee on a stick and tell if you’re pregnant, can you make me one?” and Akon’s brain goes, “Wow, what even is the first detectable sign of a newly formed soul, this is very interesting.” So, at the same time he’s trying to grow a new and improved Nemu, he’s got access to the developing fetus of two captain-class shinigami. So when he has to pick between eight good candidate embryos to move to the next vat, he picks… not the one with the strongest reiatsu signature, like they did last time, but the one whose reiatsu looks the most like a real baby.

Akon reminds me of a lot of programmers I know, so I always sort of headcanon him as particularly interested in whatever passes for programming in Squad 12, and I think he takes special interest in revamping Nemu’s artificial intelligence system, which is primarily based on taking in information about the world and building up a realistic personality based on people she observes. In particular, it gives extra weight to “people who resemble her”. Nemu 7 was raised by Squad 12, so she came up very Squad 12, just like Mayuri wanted. Unfortunately, toddler Hachigou Nemuri’s algorithm unexpectedly decides that she has much more in common with toddler Abarai Ichika than any of the adult soul reapers around her.

Nemuri 8 is a very successful sample in terms of power and intelligence but she’s also very boisterous, and the rest of Squad 12 is like “Akon do something” so Akon takes drastic measures: he asks Renji for parenting advice. Distressingly, Renji is full of useful ideas like “tire her out” and “only fight the important battles” and “we’re signed up for baby yoga, you wanna start comin’ to baby yoga? Your back is gonna thank you.”

Akon didn't mean to let them hang out so much, but Ichika is a very useful data point and also if he takes Nemuri over to the Abarai house, the girls will entertain themselves (i.e. chew on each other) long enough for him to have a beer with Renji and Rukia and honestly my man really needs that beer.

I don’t think Akon thinks of himself as Nemu’s dad past the first time when she calls him ‘Daddy’ and he corrects her (she only did it because that’s what Ichika calls Renji, very predictable quirk of her programming). She’s just a work project. She’s not even his project, she’s Mayuri’s project, he’s just handling the little details. Fathering just happens to be an adjacent field of study that he’s found to contain a number of very useful best practices.

I would prefer not to get into the detail of the physical abuse that Mayuri uses against Nemu 7, but I would like to think that Akon finds ways to protect Nemuri 8 from the same, or barring that, maybe this is what finally drives Akon to murder Kurotsuchi and become Squad 12 captain himself.

Other Nemuri Headcanons:

Her favorite book is Rejection of the Twin Fishes!, Captain Ukitake’s posthumously published children’s book.

She prefers to be called “Nemuri” over “Nemu.”

Nemuri’s second favorite person in Squad 12 after Akon is Rin, because he always has candy. Rin actually likes having someone to share his hobby with and helps her make a World of the Living Snack Bucket List. When other shinigami come in for gigai, Nemuri constantly tries to con them into bringing something back for her.

Rukia teaches her to cuss, but tells her never to do it around Akon. Nemuri never actually cusses around anyone, but really enjoys having Forbidden Knowledge.

Speaking of Forbidden, she is mildly obsessed with Urahara, even though she’s never met him. She’s constantly on the lookout for thumbprints of his work in modern Squad 12 technology.

The one thing she does have in common with Mayuri is an absolutely batshit personal aesthetic. She starts painting her face as a tween and is somewhat inconveniently both into piercings and inflatable outfits.

The true proof that she has surpassed her predecessor, at least in terms of humanity, is that she is able to learn the name of her zanpakutou.

Oh, if you want to read any of my fanfics with Nemuri, here's one where she and Ichika play football and here's one where she tries to con Byakuya into buying her shaved ice. I really like writing Nemuri hanging out with Byakuya because I think an adult man who navigates social settings via rigid system of etiquette and class hierarchy and a small child with a pile of Markov chains for a brain would be natural friends.

[aueua]

🖊+any of ur Among Us OCs

alright so

I have sixteen (16) where twelve of them are the main cast of colors and are quite tight-knit, but then I wound up making two more as sole-impostors and another two more as a result of scribbl.io-esque shenanigans (and even two more after that based off of pets which’d make that eighteen because I was a teensy bit off the rails)

content warnings: blood, illness, (???) it’s among us so I’ll just say take caution when going through *** For the doodles at the very bottom of this post: Body Horror.

the one that the randomizer chose was one of the said impostor ones [TB] and I’ll just. share some documents I made (that were primarily for roleplay, therefore their very... uh... hm... bland nature). where if you feel like reading those for whatever reason, here’s the only few good ones: Purple (Eys), and #FFFFFF (TB).

-

(Crossposting directly off of a discarded ask blog I once attempted to run.)

Foremost. With my verse, the crewmates are all simulated codes of data (with… feelings). They are not in a “real” scenario of having all individual, proper backstories where an impostor comes aboard their crew one way or another. They are all well aware of the fact they are not real as they happen to be “player avatars” at times.

They do not know how many games they have been through, but treat them as having gone through more than enough situations that they no longer care for any actual murder and are in a happy intermission after things are said and done. (Such situations can include custom rulings  and whatnot. Think of “hide and seek” and “one word per meeting” type of things.)

This being mostly to... well... allow me to develop the muses in various ways because I enjoy all sorts of interpretations and whatnots (and MAYBE just MAYBE I’m incomparably lazy when having to think up legitimate Real Life Coherent backstories for characters). Also I am a clown and like to dance with the very many cool possibilities for alien shenanigans.

-

That said! All of the main expeditors I hold thus have had the opportunity to get into the groove of the simulations (aka “when you first play” versus “how you are now after 200+ hours”). By all means, none of them were required to stay with any of those they’ve met, and they’ve all had met different crews beforehand (where some were in more drastic/toxic environments than others but what’s new to that huh).

I won’t get into all of them and will be focusing more on the dynamic of my Hol (Black, Medic) and their mentor TB (the Impostor Doc in question) ���cause I think that one’s fun.

Compensation TB and “in-training” Hol doodles as reference in case you didn’t want to look at the document (which honestly, same).

・ While Hol now is more reserved and less socially inept (mostly just Dog-Tired), at first they were simply... awkward. Very awkward. Starting off, all they were aware of was they needed to assist and step in when any mishaps occur, but not to any extreme extent just yet since they needed a bit more experience with interacting and harmonizing among crews.

・TB happened to be on the crew that Hol met first, and while its interest was a “Ah, a fellow professional.” at best, it had shifted accordingly when Hol managed to get over their nerves enough to at least say hello. Converse with them. (Which it found odd-funny, since normally it’s the one that initiates interactions even for those in the same field as it.)

・ It was kind of nice, you know. Getting to indulge those questions that they don’t normally get to answer to a length where someone would understand. And a part of it was at least aware that the other needed more hands-on experience because. TB may have taken possession of the body they have now, but they kept a lot of the sentiments (and memories, unfortunately) of the former host that was also... incredibly socially inept, but endearing in any sincere attempt to talk to others.

・ I won’t get entirely into it but it’s essentially a mentor/friend relationship. That’s it. That’s the whole thing. Except it’s like a slowburn fic where I’ve omitted more than half of the information.

・ But TB also has watched over this younger impostor that came aboard some time ago (horrifically named DH for... yes... Demon Horns... and together... TBDH is To Be Darn Honest...) that has one of the most annoying and frustrating personalities to work with where it has to insist in brief and intimidating ways not to get in the way of its own goals (which is learning more about humans, whether that mean alive or dead but mostly alive because that’s when they’re most interesting).

・ Short story: DH kinda disregarded that and kinda put Hol in harms way and kinda then resulted in an impromptu “Let’s learn more about the anatomy of at least one Impostor, shall we?”

・ Other tidbits: TB has 100% outed itself as an impostor/alien to Hol at some point in the long verse of intermission, but then proceeded to go, “Ask any questions! It’ll be fun!” (And it’s also taken care of Hol in the instances where they had taken on impostor attributes as well...)

・ TB’s essentially the whole reason Hol’s more nonchalant about impostors and in the way they’d compromise the safety of the crew at times in their interest of learning more about them.

・ tl;dr doctor meet medic and they platonically hold hands and learn things together and about each other! zomg!

now for a bonus short thing I wrote mid-December:

“Tea? Hnm… it isn’t for everyone…” Their eyes had drifted for a moment as they considered something, looked up. It didn’t need to see under that mask and visor to know that there was a faint smile in the way they had asked,  “Did you want to give it a try?”

And it wasn’t always fond of tea, no. The thought of consuming anything for luxury other than the deceased was wholly appealing. What could smell nicer than a properly inspected cadaver? But, it could not turn down their little offer. It couldn’t deny it if it wanted to fit the disguise as crew. As far as its recollection goes however, it had always been bland—more boring than water—and was ultimately overly-glorified regardless of how impeccably-proclaimed it was brewed. But again. Would it ever deny spending more time with their beloved medic? No. So be it; they’d use tea as an excuse, every different little thing tied with a memory.

The one that was weirdly spicy-cold to its many tongues had reminded it of the earnest-warm concern, the way they had looked up at it with fretting hands and murmured apologies accompanied by questions it couldn’t help but humor.

The minty zest of something auburn that reminded it of the unchanging season where they bantered—a ringing airy sound—a light taste of what it would consider mirthful in how their shoulders shook. (Not in fear, not in anger; that, it had duly noted.)

The bitter boiling nothing remembered where they had soon fallen silent, asleep, but for longer than usual even with it watching over them in their little spot like they always had. Tasteless, without the fond familiar company it always looked forward to.

The water, it made, when they were no longer among its crew in the instances. When it could no longer remember the process of how to make Hol’s favorite tea, or so it lied and led itself to believe, the strange aftertaste of a hollow spacious quiet remained.

It never liked those memories.

and now here’s your compensation doodles for going through all of that nonsense! like. a handful of the ones I never posted.

(that’s not DH that’s Blue a different impostor entirely)

(that’s DH.)

CONTENT WARNING:

Blood Body Horror.

(no, really)

(I’m adding more bullet points in case it makes it any easier to look away)

(that’s DH. get  clowned on, DH.)

(I like gore and horror even if I’m not the greatest at it so Y’know...)

[jrueships]

No plot necessary 😳 would you care 😳 to share your redacted thoughts 😳

😳😳😳 anon u heard my post and u understood the assignment.. and 4 that I owe u the ball of lint in my shorts pocket

OKAY.. SO.. THEM...

I feel like their competitiveness just kinda carries everywhere with like. EVERYTHING. Even groceries. You know those types of people who HATE making two trips with carrying groceries into the house so they just stack like. 500 groceries onto each arm and drag em in from there? Luka and dennis are BOTH like that. And they COMPETE with each other with it. Like dennis will see luka carrying in 6 million groceries and still say "wowww, weaksauce." And luka will just remark about how dennis is mainly carrying the light stuff so his amount doesn't matter over how much luka is carrying or whatever.

So overall.. They're a very. Passionate and fierce couple. BUT!! They're also joking and soft!!! It's not like some fake hardcore p*rn where everything is always sexy and perfect. Sometimes they have to stop because dennis can't stop laughing at how awful Luka's 'sex face' looks or luka has to stop and ask dennis if he's okay even though they have a designated safe word HE STILL NEEDS TO MAKE SURE!!

But anyways YEAH They're very competitive in bed. A lot of 'is that it?'s can be heard no matter how long they've been going at it. A lot of 'c'mon's, just a bunch of strained taunts traded between them because neither knows how to shut up. Dennis would give Luka head in a public bathroom and he'd tease the fuck out of him. Draw it out and everything because dennis is an asshole who wants to be the one who makes Luka lose it. He wants Luka struggling to remain his 'polite and mature' self that the public loves him for because he can't stop thinking about Dennis ******* him weak. He wants Luka to Want him.

And Luka is like 'I can't let him just control me like this, the little shit. I have an interview to go to soon and he just wants me to stumble into it with my zipper still down.' So naturally he face****s Dennis until the gagging gets too loud and he has to slow down. Then he'd pull Dennis off him for some time to breathe and he'd be like 'are you okay? Was I too rough for you?' In a kinda taunting way, a little smug, but then his eyes will soften and he'll Actually ask if he was too rough. But to Luka's fire in his stomach, Dennis just grins and smoothly asks as if his throat wasn't being used for the last thirty seconds, "with that shrimp dick of yours? Never." And so the competition goes on.

While I think there's never really a true dominate figure in their relationship because both just constantly switch being the smug one.. Dennis is definitely the bossier one. He decides what position to be in and he decides what to do. He likes control and he'll take it whenever he can, and if luka wants it so bad then luka will have to fight him for it. In general, Dennis is just an absolute Asshole in bed. He'll scratch up Luka's back and try leaving red marks just Slightly above the jersey so others can still Kinda see it but not know what it is. But Dennis knows. After all his scratching and biting, he always makes sure to poke where he left a mark after sex. Mainly out in public because he likes making Luka jerk around and smirk at him. But yeah. Dennis likes feeling powerful in bed. He likes pushing Luka's head down and 'making' him kiss him when in reality Luka just leans himself down so their lips can touch. He likes grabbing and pulling and Luka Sometimes let's him, but sometimes he makes him work for it just to see Dennis glare up at him like he's not being dicked down under him.

Their aftercare is cute but only after dennis is too tired to protest getting cuddled. Usually he likes to try and be the big spoon though, with his arms and legs wrapped around Luka's side like a koala to a tree LMAO

I think Dennis's fav positions are the ones where he feels superior/ has the most control. Like he Loves to ride Luka because it gives him some sorta semblance of being taller? Of being the one who gets to control the speeds and such. And Luka let's him. Dennis tells him not to touch him and Luka doesn't. He simply waits until Dennis tires himself out on his **** and Then Luka grabs his hips and takes over for him. And Dennis is tough enough to take it and just ride it out with him.

I also think Luka LOVES cheesy nicknames during sex. I don't know if he's a BABE guy but he's definitely a 'sweetheart', 'honey', and his favorite nickname 'kitten' kind of guy. Dennis on the other hand is just a straight up Babe. (At most) guy, so he always rolls his eyes and complains about how cheesy Luka is whenever he tries slipping in a nickname. He especially detests the 'kitten' nickname mainly because of its origins .. (the hello kitty backpack). I have a wip fic in mind that like... explains more about it later and involves the hello kitty backpack but it's too long of an explanation and I'm stupid 😭 but basically rookie luka ends up calling Dennis 'kitty' in the story, much to Dennis's cringe. It plays on how much Dennis wants to retain the feeling of power since he's still the franchise guy, and Luka letting him (by letting Dennis ride him) And then Dennis gets traded and Luka ends up the sophomore star stud of his team so he visits Dennis by greeting him at his hotel door with a cheeky 'hello, kitty' and gives him back his hello kitty backpack as a funny 'haha I'm not your rookie anymore' moment, but when Dennis retorts it's hollow and bare.. Luka tries to figure out what's wrong but they have a 'don't touch me.' Moment except Dennis isn't riding him, he's trying to drive him away. There's a whole explanation about Why but like... thats not horny so 😭

YEAH. SO.. THEM.

[krreader]

on the same page.

pairing: min yoongi x kim taehyung x reader fandom: bts warnings: sex ; threesome ; oral sex ; dirty talk ; spanking ; dom!tae&yoongi x sub!reader ; language genre: smut word count: 1.8k+

summary: sometimes a look is all it takes for things to be set in motion.

a/n: haven’t posted a threesome fic in a while so why not today, please enjoy this piece of pure smut! 

The topic had come up again and again, only that at first it had been something you had said as a joke. Like haha, imagine how funny it would be if I slept with one of your band members, only for Yoongi to say that he wouldn't watch, but join in.

And it continued on from there.

Jokes, hints and teasing, until the topic actually became a serious one.

“I'd like to try.. just once,” you had said one night, Yoongi's arm around you as his fingers brushed over your waist.

“If only so I can prove to you that I'm the best in this group when it comes to sex,” Yoongi had joked.

And that's how it all started.

You had began to evaluate who would be the best candidate for this thing.

Jin was the one where Yoongi didn't even dare to ask, maybe because he was older than him and was afraid that this topic would be 'disrespectful' to him, but Jin didn't really strike you as the kind of guy that wanted to have a threesome with you anyways.

Then there was Hoseok, one that you both would have asked in a heartbeat, if it weren't for him having started dating only a month ago. Same reason as to why you didn't ask Jeongguk, he also recently got a girlfriend.

Then there were only three, Jimin, Namjoon and Taehyung.

But before you two could even decide on who to ask, it seemed as if it developed naturally.

You and Yoongi had decided to go out to eat tonight, you not having many chances to doll up these days, since you and him mostly had dinner at either his or your place, had decided to put in maximum effort to look absolutely flawless.

And when you walked into the living room, still putting on your jewelry, Yoongi saw the way Taehyung looked you up and down. He saw the way he licked his lips and let his eyes linger on certain body parts of yours. He saw how he started shifting in his seat, only to instantly stop doing that when he realized Yoongi was watching him.

But instead of a warning look, like he expected he'd get from him, Yoongi actually smirked at him.

The younger member thought this might be a trick at first, that Yoongi was trying to get him to be comfortable and do something that he'd regret later, but when he ended up mouthing: “She looks so good,” hoping that it comes across as an innocent compliment, Yoongi started chuckling.

Very, very darkly and very very intimidatingly.

“Did we miss something or why are they looking at each other like that?” Namjoon asked, walking out of the kitchen with his coffee.

“We should leave them to it,” Jimin said as he got up from the floor, “I'm headed out for dance practice.”

“Yeah, I’m going to the studio too. Taehyung,” Namjoon said, waiting for Tae to look at him, “When Yoongi hyung leaves you're the only one at the apartment, so don't forget to look the door.”

“Yes mom,” Taehyung grinned widely.

And it was only when both of them were out of the apartment, that you let out a sigh and dropped your bag, “You made your choice, didn't you? There won't be dinner tonight.”

“There will be.. just not the kind you had in mind,” Yoongi first looked at you, then at Taehyung, “The other members won't find out about this.. agreed?”

“I really didn’t expect my night to go like this, but I can’t say I’m complaining,” Taehyung was already undressing you with his eyes, probably already imagining what you looked like naked and beneath him.

Quite honestly, out of the three, you had wanted Taehyung the most, so you couldn't exactly say you were mad that it ended up being him who pushed you onto Yoongi's bed while your boyfriend watched with crossed arms and him licking his lips. You couldn't say that you hated it when Taehyung’s lips left a wet trail of kisses along your neck and his fingers managed to unzip and then pull down your dress and simultaneously, your panties. And you definitely couldn't say that you despised it when he started eating you out, while Yoongi unzipped his pants and took a step closer to the bed for you to wrap your hand around his hard dick and smile to yourself at how good you felt in that moment.

“Do you know how long I wanted to do this,” Taehyung chuckled against your thigh, then sucked on your clit which made you arch your back and tighten your hand around your boyfriend's dick, Yoongi sucking in a breath, “How often I heard Yoongi hyung fuck you and how often I wanted to be the one to please you.”

Yoongi chuckled, but quickly let out a moan when you got up on your elbows and took his dick in your mouth, his eyes closing and his head falling back, “Just how many times did you get off on that thought, Taehyungie?”

“I won't tell,” he chuckled, getting up but just for a moment so he could get himself a condom, undressing himself in the process. Only when he wrapped his dick with the condom did he say: “But after tonight, I'll always think about your warm and sweet pussy,” and with that he entered you and you couldn't help but let out a scream.

Because fuck.. his dick was so not what you were used to.

Yoongi was thick, to the point that he always stretched you out so much that you needed a moment to adjust to the size, whereas Taehyung was slim and long and instantly hit a point within you that made you see stars.

“Ah, I forgot to tell you, baby girl,” Yoongi joined you both the bed as well after he took off his pants, sitting behind your head so that you could easily slip his dick back into your mouth, “Taehyung is going to make you come real fast.”

Yoongi prided himself with pleasing you well, he could make you orgasm in less than five minutes too if he wanted to, despite his dick not having the same length as that of other members, specifically Taehyung. But he wasn't stupid, he knew that Taehyung had qualities that made you orgasm soon and hard.. and maybe that's even why he ended up choosing him. Because he didn't just want this to be any experiment, he wanted it to be one that you'd truly enjoy.

You had a hard and stressful week, you deserved to be treated like this.

And so you moaned, then whined with your lips still wrapped around Yoongi's hard dick as Taehyung spread your legs further apart and fucked you without mercy.

No, he didn't need to drag this out and no, he couldn't drag it out even if he wanted to, because you felt so good wrapped around him like this and you were taking him so well, that he had no other choice but to chase his height.

On top of that, the way your breasts bounced and the way his hyung's dick disappeared so deeply in your mouth and the way that his hyung moaned because of that made him want to go even faster, he wanted all parties to enjoy this.

With you deep throating Yoongi at this point, he knew that he wouldn't last long either, your tongue and mouth feeling so good that he couldn't wait to cum, the image alone of you swallowing all of it making him moan out loud.

And he wouldn't even have asked to switch positions in any way or form because of how well you were pleasuring him, but Taehyung had a pretty clear idea of what he wanted and so he pulled out and slapped two of his fingers onto your clit, making you scream out loud once again, “Turn around for me, princess.”

Yoongi just chuckled when you looked at him with big eyes, “You heard him, baby girl, better do what he says.”

And see, being dominated by one person was good and all, but being dominated by two was just a feeling that you couldn't even describe.

The way Taehyung grabbed your hips and pulled them towards him once you had turned around and the way he slapped your ass cheek before burying himself inside of you again. The way that Yoongi grabbed a fistful of your hair and made you look up at him, kiss you deeply, before he gave himself a few pumps and then pretty much fucked your face, that was an experience you would never ever forget and one that you would get you wet whenever you’d think about it.

With this new angle, it took only a few more minutes before you could feel your walls beginning to clench and your clit beginning to throb.

Taehyung's thrusts were getting faster, but not any less sloppy, he still managed to hit places within you that made you wish this feeling would last forever.

And Yoongi was simply enjoying not having to do anything today except for pull on your hair every once in a while when he wanted you to take him deeper.

That was the kind of sex he really loved.

And when Taehyung's moans began to become louder and he pushed so hard inside of you that your eyes widened, your moans nearly turned into screams if it wasn't for Yoongi's dick inside your mouth and tears began to pool in your eyes, you knew that your body would give up at any second.

Thankfully with you hollowing your cheeks like that, Yoongi came nearly at the same time as Taehyung did, slowly and in the most relaxing manner ever did he push inside your mouth a few more times before he pulled out and grabbed your chin to make you look at him, wiping at the corners of your mouth with his thumb and smiling when you gulped it all down, “Are you okay?” he asked softly, his entire demeanor changing from dominating daddy to sweet and caring angel.

But what surprised you was that it wasn't just him who changed.

“Don't move, I'll be right back!” Taehyung pulled out as quickly as he entered and returned only a few moments later with a wet, lukewarm towel that he used to gently clean you with, before Yoongi helped you sit up.

“Go to the bathroom, I'll prepare the bed for you.”

You were so tired that you didn't even fully realize just how caring they both were all of a sudden, if you had, you would have appreciated the moment a lot more then and there. 

But you would do tomorrow for sure, when your mind was clearer and you were able to think straight.

And while you went to the toilet and quickly showered, Taehyung and Yoongi prepared the bed for you, both men incredibly well-spent and happy.

“Thanks for letting me be a part of this hyung..”

“Thank you for taking such good care of my girl. I knew I could count on you,” he grinned, his hand on Taehyung's shoulder, “Who knows.. maybe this can be a thing every now and then.”

“You know I wouldn't complain,” Taehyung sighed dreamily, “Her pussy tastes so good, hyung. I’m so jealous you get to taste her whenever you want to.”

“What can I say,” Yoongi pulled the blanket back with a proud smile, “I hit the jackpot with her.”

[mst3kproject]

Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow

This movie has no dogs, which is a shame because the title definitely sounds like a lost episode of Scooby-Doo.  What it does have is Elaine Dupont from I Was a Teenage Werewolf (and the Beach Girls and the Monster) and Russ Bender from It Conquered the World (he also wrote Voodoo Woman, which makes him indirectly responsible for Curse of the Swamp Creature), in a genre crossover that reminds one of Catalina Caper and is even less successful. It’s also even less funny.

Our heroes are a bunch of super-cool hot-rodding thirty-year-old fifties teens who speak in painfully embarrassing slang. They’ve been evicted from their headquarters and need some new digs, but all their efforts to find a place have come to naught… until an elderly lady offers them her house at Dragstrip Hollow. It sounds like it’ll have everything they need, as long as they don’t mind that it’s haunted.  The gang is a little unnerved by strange events their first evening at the house, but ultimately decide that if nothing else, it’s the perfect place for a Hallowe’en party.  What they haven’t realized is that with everybody in costumes, the monster in the basement will be able to walk among them un-noticed!

This is yet another movie that sounds like a good time but is actually almost unwatchably boring.  A party in a haunted house with a monster who just wants to have a good time?  I’m up for that!  But Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow is only an hour long, and spends most of that time dithering around doing absolutely nothing.

There are two potential main characters.  One is Lois, a young woman who’s far more interested in cars and racing than in boys and makeup, much to her parents’ chagrin. Her mother believes this is a phase she’ll grow out of, but her father keeps trying to encourage her to be more feminine and never gets very far.  This sublot drops out of the movie halfway through, without ever coming to any kind of conclusion.  Lois is also at odds with Nita, a member of a rival racing gang.  Lois spends most of the movie refusing to be goaded into a racing rematch with Nita, but eventually gives in, and their climactic race takes place off-screen while we watch the band at the Hallowe’en party try to play their instruments while dressed as bedsheet ghosts!  Nothing comes of it.

The only thing Nita’s gang does through the whole movie is show up at parties they haven’t been invited to, exchange insults with Lois’ friends, and then leave.

The other potential hero is the reporter who’s doing a series of articles on rebellious teenagers.  He quickly makes friends with the kids, becoming an honourary member of their club, and apparently helps them search for a new headquarters. In spite of this, he doesn’t actually have an arc.  He sympathizes with these young people from the beginning, and based on the questions he asks it’s pretty clear he wants to show that their cars and racing are a harmless hobby rather than a gateway drug to crime.  This opinion doesn’t change over the course of the movie.  Neither does his insistence that the house is not actually haunted, even as unseen hands light his cigarette for him and untie his bow tie.

Most of the movie is totally useless – like the slumber party at Lois’ house, which serves no purpose except to make a joke about women taking too long in the bathroom.  I’m sure that was already tired and unfunny in the 50’s. Or the old lady’s opinionated pet parrot, who provides annoying commentary that makes already not-funny scenes even less funny.  I was sure the parrot was going to be a plot point, because one of his demonstrated talents is imitating a police siren and the hot rodders are worried about getting in trouble with the cops.  Surely during a climactic race the parrot will trick Nita into pulling over, allowing Lois to take the lead!  But no, that can’t happen because that would be useful.  Nothing in this fucking movie is allowed to be useful.

All of this bullshit, with the slumber party and the stupid parrot and the old lady being bad at playing the flute… and the rival gang showing up and then leaving… and the musical numbers, one of which has no lyrics except a guy saying Geronimo! and then firing blanks at the ceiling, and this is played twice… and Lois’ parents and the reporter hanging around and the short guy with the tall girlfriend… all of this drags on and on and on and takes up three quarters of the movie and has literally nothing to do with the plot!  The fact that the club needs a new place to hang out is introduced pretty early but then gets shoved aside until almost the end.  You’d think we ought to see them trying to find a place until eventually being forced to settle for the creepy old house in the middle of nowhere, but no, we sit through forty minutes of nonsense and then suddenly arrive at characters talking about it.

The haunted house must be the actual plot because it’s the title, but it isn’t worth waiting for.  When the club arrives to take a look around, there is indeed a monster creeping around causing mischief.  And it’s definitely a monster, not a ghost – although there is also a ghost. In fact, when we get a good look at the beast shortly thereafter… it’s the fucking She-Creature.

I’m not even kidding.  It is literally the She-Creature without the dumbass blonde wig and with the chitinous tits toned down into chitinous pecs.  This thing creeps around and growls at people, then turns up at the party to dance with a couple of girls before getting its mask ripped off (I told you this was an episode of Scooby-Doo!) to reveal, and I promise you I did not make this up, I could not make this up, a bitter stuntman with a high squeaky voice. He looks a little like Lois’ father and I thought for a moment we were doing a Beach Girls and the Monster thing here… but no, he’s a totally different character.  Why is he dressed up as a monster haunting this old house with a collection of special effects equipment he keeps behind the fireplace?  Because nobody appreciated his performance as the She-Creature.

He actually says that.  Fuck this movie!  The monster suit isn’t even bad enough to be funny.  In fact, it looks better here than it did in The She-Creature or Voodoo Woman, possibly because the lighting allows us to actually see it!

Oh, and as I mentioned, there’s also a ghost, but he left because he didn’t like the rock and roll music.

In order to find the creature’s secret lair, they ask ‘Amelia’, the nerdy guy’s superintelligent, talking, self-driving hot rod.  This machine speaks in a deep, somewhat ghostly voice, and isn’t mentioned or even hinted at until the movie’s almost over.  People accidentally blundering into secret rooms behind the fireplace is a time-honoured tradition in movies, but apparently that wasn’t good enough for Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow.  No, they had to have a deus-ex-machina supercomputer fire-breathing car figure it out without even saying what the clues were.  Fuck!

I’ve watched several films for this blog that left me with the impression that the people making them knew what parts go into a movie but not how to put them together.  I don’t think the makers of Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow even knew what movies are made of – or if they did, they were actively contemptuous of that ingredients list.  Their film seems to have been cobbled together from bits of several stories, without including enough of any single one to really get a plot.  Remember Face of the Screaming Werewolf, which really was made of random bits of two other movies?  Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow is about as coherent as that.  It feels like there’s at least another hour of material missing somewhere, which would deal with things like Lois’ relationship with her parents or the rivalry between the two racing clubs.  It feels like anything that would help unify this story, or bring proper closure to any of the plotlines, was deliberately left on the cutting room floor, just to piss me off!

I only laughed once in the entire movie, at a bit where the parrot complains about his mistress’ bad driving (he wails and me so young!).  The rest of the time I couldn’t even find it ironically funny.  When I wasn’t rolling my eyes at the attempted jokes I was staring at the screen in bafflement because I couldn’t figure out what the movie was trying to do. What ought to be plot points are quickly forgotten, or else resolved with nonsensical trifles and then thrown away. The result is confusing and ultimately deeply frustrating.  I mentioned Scooby-Doo, but that’s not even a fair comparison, because the unmasking of the villain in Scooby-Doo always includes the reveal of a master plan.  The monster in Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow is just fucking around.

I hate this movie.  It’s not even a movie.  It’s just a bunch of unrelated things that happen to the same set of characters, without even any laughs to make it worth watching.  They could have filmed an hour of their asses pressed up against a windowpane, and it would have annoyed me less.

[denotday]

Maybel Rhodes: Protectress

Itchy arms. My armbumps bumps take over life and chew my head off like a black mother. Even the sleeves of this sweater craddle these potholes as an english muffin craddles butter. But I'm more than my bumps and I'd make a quip on Fergie, but I'm no Joan Rivers. I'm small, meager. At eighteen, trying to find myself, live my own life. Typical teen drama, boring narrative, sob story. bored already. But know what isn't boring? I like strawberry shortcake and cheeseless pizzas. I have hopes of becoming a journalist and actually leading a career as moreof a Clark Kent than a Mary Jane or whatever the fuck that bitch's name is. Mary Anne? That used to be the name of one of my teachers. Going off; just thinking these thoughts while skateboarding to highschool.

Stay on the sides, away from cars, on the sidewalk, not too close to the white kids. White kids mean white mess, white messes mean cops who sweep the streets and take all the black kids with them in the process. I'm not a racist, just a black kid trying to stay alive in white america. Thank god I'm a weak bitch, one who cries for black men, one who doesn't face real issues like projected aggression. I'm a butterfly, something that men swat away and don't care about until MeToo movements. Gotta be careful but not too careful, kind but not too kind, firm but not a bitch, bitch but not a faggot. faggots suck.

No one thinks to ask these questions, here this thoughts. They see a black woman, better yet, a black female child. Worse thing to live in a ghetto. Sike; I say that I'm black and in a ghetto and get sob points. Fucking racist. I'm skating to one of those Fresh Prince schools. Didn't move on up, I'm simply moving; parents are mid class well grounded and guess what? My parents are still together. Probably breaking up soon but still breaking barriors of broke baby daddies and black slutty whore mothers who don't believe in abortion.

That's humor in of itself. A black kid skates into a white neighborhood with white sidewalks and doesn't have a nigger daddy and nigger mommy. What can be said by those PTA suburban soccer moms who want to demonise me and my own? Or am I palatable and a token black?

Making good grades, going to class on time. Only thing is, I don't have any friends to call. Even if I had one of those top quality iPhone 411s, I still wouldn't want to burden myself with filling up those high-techy contact lists. It's all bullshit after all, just capitalistic bilge. Something to fill the void without actually trying to let the public know that the void they're filling chalks up to capitalism. But again, those little tangents? "What does this have to do with having friends?" Everything. I don't give a shit, I accept shit. I tell things like it is, speak with lisps or change it up by sounding like an oxford professor.Not going to just abandon stream of consciousness 'cause class just started. This aint sims 4 and life ain't something that can be controlled; sped up or slowed down for the sake of an other's pleasure. I'm learning about shit that I'll never use like economics. That's shit that the government gives the state to teach, a little but not enough for highschoolers to overwhelm the system and decide "fuck student loans".

Not too bad here, though. Not all just "fuck hyschool" and teenaged angst. I go to the library, read books, go on my computer, listening to some Biggie and MFDoom and Tribe. Guess I am a nigger. Nigger-me and my nigger music. Even tththough it's they inspiration for they cracker music. Hate on us enough to keep us down but keep us up enough to steal from us. Today I'm reading some teen dystopian fantasy novel that I don't feel inclined to share with you guys. And no, it's not Hunger Games. It's Gunger Hames, the cousin of the franchise. Whoops just gave ya'll the name sorry. Either way I'm into that. Idea of a not-so-distant-future; humans making mistakes that fuck up the planet---disregarding that fact long enough so that the white main character can get it on with someone from the other side. Modern day Romeo and Juliett.

End of lunch, going back to class. It's back to back all day; boring teen shit that nobody cares about. Raising hands, answering questions, not understanding anything by the end of the day. Getting by is my motto. Long enough to get an A in the class and be on those ivy league watchlists. Even if I have to bust my ass to pay for student loans. Leaving highschool after all that non-work---no friends to lie to, no one to walk with, just me and my skateboard. These white paths not dirtied by brown except for my dirt body moving at the speed that a skateboard will go. Shift right here and there. Move away from rocks so that I don't fall headfirst. It's good shit. Here and there there are stone pebbles, blunts from---ironically enough--- the white kids and sharp object that I can't identify. FUCK. I don't have time to move around it and I can't just run offf. My leg'll get cut by it. Gotta just build up enough speed to roll over. Rolling...rolling...here it comes. Crouch down, focus, focus, pump speed anddddd....it stops my speed and loosens one of my bearings. Now I gotta walk the rest of the way back to my white little house with a white picket fence. Man screw--haha pun---this object. I have to use my 20/20 vision to find some small silver bolt that'll practically blend in with this bright ass sidewalk. Fuck white America.

In a little patch of weeds growing like black fists raising in the air I see the bolt and the responsible party for tossing me off the board. I raise my foot to crush this sonnofabiscuit like a bug so that some white kid's bike tire doesn't get licked---mind you this should be considered community service---and I figure that I won't ruin my rubber soles on the glass, so I'll just pick it up and toss it into the sewer. I put the bolt in my sweatpants pocket to keep it safe. I bend over again to peer at the crack in the sidewalk that I'll punt to the other side of the street where the other half of the street lives. It has tribal markings on it and must be, gasp, an ancient arcane ruin that'll give me superpowers. Kidding, you dumb bitch. "Why am I talking to myself this way? Jeez, some self-improvement classes would be nice". It's a bracelet made of some sort of beads. Kindof pretty but caked up with dirt and sand like no-one's business. I'm no Rocket Racoon so I just leave it. Even if I felt that it was interesting enough, I'd have to clean it off and disinfect it. It would just ruin the material underneath. Hm. Hm. Hm. Hm. Hm. Hm. Lemme stop; for real, in this white bread neighborhood, I might be able to get it appraised and pawn it off for some money or at the very least, see if it's worth keeping. I know; "this is the start of every horror movie", every tv show. I get it, but I'll cleanse the jewelry before wearing it. It's fine. It's fine. Hope it's fine. Jeez.

I put the bracelet in my other pocket away from the bolt and walk back home. The soles of my feet hit the white pavement and my feet move in the fashion of jubillee ferris wheels. Slowly rise in a circle, fall in perfect arch. Walking is divine poetry in of itself. Not too long now. A little further. Feels like the day is stretching. Still light outside and the summer-brink of fall--air is warming my rectum. "Oh god, what's with gays and their rectums". You know your g-spot is in your ass, men. It feels good for us too you know. Nice coolness for the butthole----rectum is for men, butthole is for women. I think. See? Not a Cliff Huxtable type; don't know everything. Not an Urkle. Conversations with myself like this are truly golden (ponyboy).

Fondle the silver piece, twist it in lock, get somewhere new. Novel design, simple concept. My rubber soles give me cat-walking abilities and I edge up the stairs. Hear shuffling downstairs in the kitchen. But the smell of musky forest wood with a hint of olive tells me that it's just my father. I'd announce my presence but this isn't a sitcom and I have a phone that I can use to text. Who talks nowadays?

On the table near the keyrack, I scoop into my pockets in search of the goods. The warm cotton touches the cool silver bolt. Set it aside to attach it to the skateboard later. "Why not now?" That'll be a problem for me to solve tomorrow. "Procrastination isn't good" Yeah I know. I've read the same 1990's health pamphlet that the health teachers give out. I hug my side to reach around for the other pocket. Same warmth, same feeling of comfort except...it's a new sensation. Hollow and porous. It's either bone carved into beads or plastic. Hope to...Well, not God, maybe I hope to goodness? Goodness? What am I? A preacher? Maybe that's why I like 16 year old boys. Anyway. It's too white over here for it to be bone. Unless it's some cracker who brought over some hoodoo shit and dropped it somewere. Great. Gonna burn some incense to cleanse it. Then gonna toss it somewhere so that it can't hurt anyone. Wait. It doesn't FEEL menacing. No darkness, no coldness, there's a comfort to be had. I don't see any visible engravings, no bite marks no arcane symbols. It may be safe. Just to be sure, I'm keeping it downstairs for it to curse someone else in the house. I rise up the stairs into the wide landing. Step, rise, step, rise, step, rise. Before I get to the top, I feel funny. Not sick funny or CURSED funny, but someone-is-in-my-presence funny. Strech my neck to look over my shoulder. Not too far to show interest but far enough to see what's going on---it's my dad handling the bracelet.

I whip my body around and I suppose this gives him a start.

"Hey, just got back from school. I'm pretty tired which is why I didn't want to talk. Found that bracelet in the sidewalk cracks before my skateboard broke. I wouldn't touch it if I were you. Don't know if it's cursed or not."

"Cursed? Bee, this is a genuine Sudanese artifact."

"Huh? When'd you turn into a archeologist? Or are you just nerding out about a 'special interest'"

"Har har. Nothing like that. This area used to be an auction town for slaves shipped from Sudan. Martinsville, Pennsylvania wasn't necessarily known for it's 'clean hands' you know. Gentrification made the area look nicer but its history is still pretty shit-covered."

"Ah, I remember now. I heard about this in history class" No I haven't. I don't even have history. Just want to stop talking to him about some dumb bracelet. "Can it sell for big bucks at a pawnshop?"

"I mean, sure if you'd like to get rid of it. Better to give it to the local museum though! It looks to me like it's made out of elephant tusks. Pretty well preserved too! The wearer must've been some warrior. They only wear these types of jewelry if they're the village's protectors. That's what I've read online anyway. You know how the interweb is though. Could be false."

"Oh wow. Ivory? That's a pretty dirty trade. Don't want to give something like that up to white people who continue to promote the trade. This'll just make the ivory market worse. I may keep it; I just wonder if it's cursed or something. I'll ask a local witchcraft practitioner to check it out tomorrow. Can I have thirty bucks for an appraisal along with an after-school snack?"

"Thirty? What're you going to buy? A salmon dinner with asparagus and steak? I'm not giving you Carabbas money. I can do 18. Enough for some street food."

"Not enough for the appraisal!"

"I'm sure the person will be able to work something out for you. You look twelve. You can play the 'Uwu I'm a baby who has no money, please help me out adult!' card. Or, how about this: pretend to be doing a research project for school on Sudanese slaves in the area. Just act like the school lent you the bracelet for the project"

"So lie?"

"I call it embellishment."

"I see"

I reached into his calloused palm and stole its contents, As a thief, I ran upstairs away from the site of the crime, away from the demons that lurked beneath the stairs. That's customary practice when going up stairs, right? To haul ass like there's no tomorrow like we're that black chick from Scary Movie? Sounds about right. I heaved and ho'd swinging my body back and forth up the stairs. Snaking my way into my room where I burrow for my after-school nap. That's what I tell my parents anyway. What I really do is blaze up in my room and turn on the fan. Gotta keep the smoke minimal. "Such a typical teen". Yeah, whatever. Like your generation wasn't popping ass and drinking bathtub wine when ya'll were young, Get outta here.

It's a good high. Kind where you'd listen to lofi and eat peanuts just for the fun of it. Another bong hit. Satisfying. I'm just leaning back on my sofa; it's firm and uncomfy but when I'm blazed, don't none of it matter. I could lose all of my words...give up....let....go.....

"...."

"What is this energy I'm feeling? So warm and electric. Is this love? Am I so sexually frustrated that I'm in love with a bong? Shit, I fuck with that. That's pretty words. 'I'm in love with my bong'. Such nice love. haha."

I'm hungry and it's four am. The weed has worn off. So tired man. Gotta go downstairs for some chips or something. Hungry to the max. Munchies munchies munchies for the weed monster. What a drug.

I creep down the stairs and up once more. My bare footpads cling to the hardwood and leave sweat prints in the shape of my stompers. During my ascent I leave crumbs. Have the house feeling like a Brother's Grimm story. I satisfy my snack desires as I prepare for school in the next hour.

Running water on my arms. Three passes of lotion on arms and legs. Can't be the ashy black kid that look like they an African living in a dirt house. Ain't able to help the rough patches that coat my body but I can help keep my skin moisturized.

A'ight. Got my fit got my board. Just have to screw the bolt back on and find the bracelet. Shit. Left it upstairs. I'm already late as hell. Rushing up the stairs. Search for the bracelet, find it, get out house. Objectives objectives. I spot it from afar and gravitating toward it, put it gingerly in my pocket. Kindof like someone would with a used tissue. Aren't humans gross? I mean, snot? Bacteria-filled snot? Nasty. Thoughts gone, make brain go from thinking to doing. descending now. Board in arm, door opens with the flick of the wrist and just like that, I'm outty. Deck on ground I put my best foot forward and ram it onto the hard cement to push myself forward. Sorry foot, betrayals sure do suck.

School begins, in class siting in a chair. All day, several hours. Ah, the beloved system at work. Great to know that there are adults who "work" all day by keeping kids seated in a chair. Very progressive, America. Library break? I think so. On my laptop, I pull out webpages on the pocketed---the word reminds me of 'closeted---bracelet. NOW I'm imagining a gay bracelet. hilarious. Great. Typing 'Gay Bracelet' into the search bar and am getting rainbow plastic bands. Ya know, the ones that they sell at Hot Topic during pride month.

"Damn, I'm getting sidetracked" She mutters to herself. Imagine if life were a story being told by some omnipotent force? omnipresent? Think that's the word.

With a bit of typing and a bit of focus. Swift movement of hunched fingers. All is complete, then some. Ogdle: "common of the Azande warriors were pieces to signify their status such as septum tusks, mouth disks, necklaces and other adornments. Bones and tusks were common materials of such articles."

Crazy how this history is hidden. Power was taken from us and buried so deep. We're the originals but every piece of history buried underground. Hidden, secretive Big Bad America. Tale fit for young people all over. Democracy, boo yah.

Train whistle blowing through the air. No train nearby, just the sound of a change in the block. I put it all away, sweep it into my bag. Everything is so messy, so fast. On schooldays like this, it feels hard to even take time to breathe. But I get by since the system wants me to. Think I'm going to skip. Not that the next two classes even matter in the long run. "Such a poor black baby, representing her race so poorly". Yeah yeah. Not the black chick that highschools would put on a recruiting card.

Just another push....door after door falling at my fingertips. The same once that touch the coarse sandpaper of my board. Foot on, foot off. kick once, twice, thrice, now we surf the cement. Now it's time to visit good the kind old black woman who practices witchcraft on dolls. That's what you'd think right? No, they're native and keep old customs within the community. Everyone calls them---agender--- Sage. Nonbinary native americans are actually more common than people think.

Before selling the bracelet to some old rich white drudge of society, I wanna be sure that the bracelet can be cleansed first. I mean. To give away black history to the white man? Hellll no with multiple "l's". It is a pretty long ride there, even on a board. Rumbly road. Pebbles everywhere. Thousands of little rocks acting as smaller wheels vying to fling me off. It's too much.

Mumbling of my own. "Where's gentrification when you need it?" Alright, yes I get it. It's a bad joke. Of course gentrification is bad. Blah blah. Time to pick up my skateboard I guess. Walking on this ground feels just as bad as suicide. Feaful of getting my ass flung into the afterlife. Few yards left....or at least fifty feet. Forty eight, forty five, forty-however-long.

Ended up reaching it after twenty minutes. This trip better be worth it.

"Hi there, Miss Sage. Mind checking out this bracelet for me? I need to check it for a curse or evil energy. My cheap father didn't give me enough for a full appraisal but what can you do with nine dollars?"

"For nine? Not much, doll? What was your name again? You look young, do you have an adult's approval for this?"

"Oh, right. You've got me. It's for a school project. School each student a historical object to research. I figured you'd be able to help me get an 'A' on the project, you know?"

"Your manners are lacking but you seem young, so I'll let you pass. Allow me to take a look at it, if you please?"

God. Full-fledged adults really are something else. I'm only eighteen, not eight. Guess I look younger than I am----

Sage starts burning this wood that's tied with string. Incense maybe?

"That incense?"

"It's a closed practice really, so I don't want to expose anything. But it is a form of incense that I prefer to use to cleanse the spirit of objects and areas."

"Ah, didn't mean to intrude. I'm glad that there are still practices that you keep to yourself. Nothing like the White Man stripping us of our culture."

I got a soft chuckle out of them. Glad that they're able to lighten up a bit.

"..."

"OK, so here's what I've found. There's immense energy here; the power coming off of this thing is tremendous. There's nothing negative about this piece. How'd you ever come across it, again? School, you said? Shame that you'll have to give it back. Something like this would provide a large power surge to spirituals. I'd pay a pretty penny for this."

"Mhm"

"Wonder how the school even came across this. I tell you what. Ask your school where I can find something like this and perhaps I'll give you a little something for your intel, huh?"

"Oh. Sure. I'll just--uh---"

"Right, right, right. The bracelet, I'm sorry. Really, it's more an anklet truly, but--ya know what? I'm sorry. Here ya go"

"...take it from ya. Thanks."

"No problem. Come back with more info on the anklet. That'll be your payment for my time"

Got 'caught in a lie it seems. Don't know how I'll snake my way out of this one.

"Brrrrrzzzzz"

Shit, it's five. My dad's probably looking for me.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter two:

" You skipped class? Bee, I know that you're better than this."

God moms bitch too much. Must be the nursing job coupled with her daily acting gigs that make her so aggro.

"I hear ya, mom. I just had some research to conduct after school..."

"Research? Which kind---?"

"The school kind. I don't know what else you want me to say. I'm sorry for skipping lasses. I got too overzealous and went in over my head. It won't happen again."

"Tskk. Better not. I know that I'm gone almost every hour of the day, but please give me a break, baby. Please just listen to your father and follow the rules. All I ask."

"Mhm, even though he-----you know what, nevermind. Am I dismissed? I have to write up today's school report to type"

Phew. Gonna hit the bong now to calm down from this encounter.

Fuck homework. .... ..... Mhm.

Five minutes passs. Fifteen, twenty. Maybe not minutes. hours? seconds? Time is too funny. With LEDs on, the vibe is fatallll. Still have to open a window to let out the smoke but gosh is this magical.

Mhm magic. Does it even exist? Doubt it. It's all science, right? ....

.....

Right. Like, this anklet. Not real power. Not real magic. Just something people believe in. Like God. It's all faith.

"So, theoretically, I could even put it on my person and nothing would even happen"

"And, so it begins"

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT VOICE" and why am I screaming?

Get off, get off, get off! Something's dripping on me.

"Tears, they're tears"

Oh god, I fucked up. I knew that I shouldn't have smoked that much. Knew it'd bite me in the ass one day. Now I'm fear-crying. I NEVER FEAR CRY.

It's all a dream maybe. Go to sleep, Bee. Just take a weed nap.

"Ba ba bang"

A booming voice raspy from coffee withdrawal.

"Everything OK in there Bee? You're about to be late for school."

Shit!

No time for conversation. Move it move it move it.

"'Cmon Bee. I'll drop you off at school on my way to the college".

Bookbag? Check. Board? Check.

I feel the rush of air against my cheeks as I fly out the door and jump into the getaway car. Fast, but atleast I'm not Furious. Dad and I chat it up all the way until the tires cross the smooth pavement of school grounds. Departing words are exchanged along with "I love you's" and "knock 'em deads".

That familiar sound. Principal as the school conductor. "Chooo". Just as it drones, my body moves to the steps of teens dragging their feet toward their dreaded first classes of the day. The light of morning cradles the marble arches of the school entrance until the sun starts to suck in the morning cold to blow out midday warmth.

"So, who are you, voice? What's your angle? Typing ensues. The screen watches my fleeting pupils; left, right, side, side. Wouldn't be surprised if the computer got whiplash from me. One scroll, two, three. Read a page. Nothing. Another website. Up and down; my fingers are cramped now. Nada. New Oogdle search: "Can I hear voices with weed smoking." Now I have a hit; "yes weed can have you seeing voices. Many aren't even your own. Maybe lay off the TV for a while."

"Thanks 'BouncyNina29'. Quora is one hell of a place." Guess it must've just been the drugs then. Hilarious, me hearing some voice. "Gotta lay off the bong smoking".

"Shhh!!" Some nerd in a striped beanie raised a finger to pursed lips.

Sorry, sorry....Jeez. "My bad" You know what? Maybe I can visit----

the train whistle interrupts my 11pm "ball" with myself. "Dammit". OK. Maybe I can bribe one of the delinquents behind the school to take my place in English. Teacher's not there anyway; the sub won't know the difference. Time to go pay someone off.

"..."

"Here ya go, five dollars."

"A'ight and you said what room that English class in?"

"301 B man. It's at the end of the third floor, right wing. Hard to miss and---remember---my name is Maybel Rhodes. Just fake like you're doing some work and no one will even notice that you're not me. I'm a loner, so, that'll work."

"Mhm hmm. I hear ya Maple"

"MayBEL"

"Yeah, that's what I said"

Scoff. In a smooth curvular motion, I plant my feet on the board and race to Sage's before their store closes.

As I approach, they're putting a silver key in a lock. Gah! The store closed.

"Miss Sage---"

"Gah! Don't do that!! Scaring me and sh--I mean, 'crap'. Scaring me and crap. Look kid, I'm closed right now but we open tomorrow. By then, I'll have the energy to discuss your school's anklet with you. Actually, about that. Do you have intel on where the-----"

"Yes, yes. About that, see...I lied. I didn't really get it from the school. I found it on the ground somewhere."

"'Found it on the ground somewhere' is code for 'I don't have money to pay nor do I have anything else to provide'? Am I getting warmer?"

"Look Miss Sage, I'm really sorry. Hey---look at it this way. I'm in debt to you. If you'll just help me with one teensy little thing, I'll ask my dad for some food money and will give you every cent he gives, alright?"

"Kid, that's not how an adult runs a business. Call what I gave you yesterday a 'freebie'. You're banned from the store. Good night."

Wait. "Wait" Their stride is aimed toward their silver camry. Yeah, I know a camry. Did you expect them to be riding a horse? Racist. Sage acts as though they don't hear and gets into their seat, key in ignition. One twist away before exiting the rocky parking area.

"IT SPOKE TO ME" Yup. That is how I yelled it. All caps, woke some birds up even. Just like in those Loony Toon cartoons. Is that why they're called "Loony Toons" 'cause they're loony cart----

Now they exit their car, slamming the heavy metal door. "What did you say? It...SPOKE...to you? What do you mean 'it'?"

Mhm Mhm. Just prepping my throat. "I wore it on my ankle and I heard a voice that has never existed before in the chasms----"

"Stop the theatrics"

"....Chasms of my mind. It was a male. Around your age in old-timey-ness."

"Har har."

"But it's the truth!" Why won't they believe a magical voice but insist that sage, a random plant, purifies the air?

Their chest contracts and expands in a sigh. Sage closes their eyes for a second. I could practically smell the gears turning. Need some WD-40, really. "Fine. Come by the store Saturday. That way, no one will be in to eavesdrop."

"Deal!"

"And bring actual MULA this time or else we won't have our little discussion". Crud.

"...."

"What are you thinking Sage?" No response. I paid one hundred fifty dollars for this after BEGGING both my folks (who think I'm using it to enroll in some after school sport) to slide me some cash so that I can 'better myself as an individual and actually do something with my time as well'. Lies are no good.

"Shh! Let me think, please!" Sage subverts their attention from me back onto the tarot cards laid in front of them----exactly where the bone anklet (bonklet) lay in silence

Ten minutes pass before Sage gives me the break down. "So, as I've said before. The anklet carries some heavy energy, something similar to passion and justice. Very potent stuff. That's what the spirit realm is saying, anyway. When you were---ahem--- HIGH----"

At this point I look away

"...You honed into that energy and that's why you heard the voice"

"Hm. So, how do I hone in on that energy now? Is it something I can control conscious?"

"Look, I dunno kid. Just, be safe. Meditate beforehand so that you are actually able to chime into the anklet's power source. Don't want to darken the talisman's power or anything."

"Sure, sure" I am literally out the door before Sage utters the second part of their sentence. I buzz with excitement at the opportunity and the best part is? I'm basically a super! Hoo ho. This is awesome.

There's an empty industrial facility near by Hawesome Li Cosmetics. It went bankrupt several decads ago. I'm pretty much the only one who knows about the place. Excellent ground to skate on---smooth as butter. Either way, it's empty and no harm will come to anything or anyone nearby. Any damage that I do will be to the building nearby, which no one cares about anyway. "So, it's just me and you buddy." Blunt in hand, I blaze it up. "Time for the magic to happen."

It's a slow high. The high takes as long as a flame reaching the wooden stick of an incense rod for the high to hit. Upwards of thirty minutes. So I wait. It feels like time warps. So I meditate. So I clear my thinking and reach out to the anklet.

"Mhm, Anklet, tell me who you are?"

"What?? You can hear me?"

"Yeah man. Who are you, why you speaking to me?"

"Why would I tell you? I don't even know yer name"

Tiring. It's like talking to a wall.

"Hey, I heard that!"

"Maybel. My name's Maybel. What's yours? Let's start there."

"Nat."

"Like Nat Turner? The rebel slave?"

"Don't know who that is, this 'Nat Turner'. Just knew my master gave me the name." How progressive. "So...I suspect that I'm dead."

It's not easy news. I get it. But hey, the north won. That's something, right?

"Well, I guess it is....you know, I had a name before all of this...."

"......"

"......??"

"......."

So, are you going to tell me?

"You may call me 'Asim'."

"I'll call you Ase."

Don't call me 'Ase'. Too late, Ase. Hey, how old are you anyway? 12? 11? My name is ASIM, nothing else. Fine, grumpy. ASIM. I'll call you Asim, Asim. Where'd that name come from anyway? What does it mean?

"Let's find out, shall we?"

"...It feels electric! (Boogy woogy woogy). Such power, this wade in...glory."

Are you a God?

"Blasphemy!" Then what are you? How are you able to lay such energy unto me?

Look, I don't know either, alright? But what I do know is...we're both negr---

Black. We don't say that word anymore.

"Black, then... Perhaps I'm connected with you due to our shared skin?" We stopped being related millenia ago. Millenia? Not familar with that word.

"Long, long ago. We don't share any common ancestors. It was all a lie." A lie? You don't believe in a God? I'm moreso spiritual; creation is a possibility not something I'm invested in. I believe in forces of the universe. "But not a God? So, this can't be some spiritual connection. We're too different." So perhaps a soul connection? A link between our spirits.... What else do we have in common? A slave and a black kid?

"Hatred of the white man? Wanting justice against them?"

"War. Destruction"

"Yes."

"No, I don't want that. I'd prefer peace." There may be no PEACE without WAR.

"A lie. Violence is not the answer. Kindness is."

"'Kindness' doesn't resolve problems. 'Kindness' doesn't end racism. 'KINDNESS' was the one that slept at my feet while I was lashed! "

"..."

Asim?

"..."

Andddd you're gone. Great. Well, I'm going to head back home, then. We can hang out again tomorrow. "Head back" means leave. All right, see you.

[kinetic-elaboration]

July 17: 2x26 Assignment: Earth

Finally finished up S2 of TOS yesterday. That was... a rough episode tbh. I’m just gonna say it: back door pilots are bad! They’re bad. If I wanted to watch that other show, I’d watch it.

Wow, they’re just really jumping right in, huh? “Here we are, on a routine mission into the past, using a time travel method that we invented nbd.”

Investigating desperate problems in the year 2020...2016.... no wait 1968.

Ooh, Spock in the transport room today. Does he have a whole extra random station there? That’s so weird; I’ve never seen that before. It’s like hidden in the corner.

Cat!! Cat!!

What a good actor. I’m still bitter that wikipedia has a whole section about the casting for “Isis the cat” that talks entirely about the human who played Isis for 2 minutes and nothing about the talented feline actor. Where did they find her? How did they teach her to act?

She has a lot of thoughts about Kirk.

I wrote down “Scully, you’ve got to see this” in my notes and I’ve already forgotten what it refers to lol. Some moment that I thought would fit well with my favorite x-files meme.

Change history, you say? Spock is intrigued. ...Admittedly, Spock is often intrigued.

“What if it turns out you’re an invading alien from the future?” Honestly...let him invade. You’re not supposed to be here anyway.

I’m pretty insulted by this. The aliens went through all this trouble to help in 1968...where are our alien helpers NOW?

The cat straight up attacked his face.

Kirk is so fond of Spock being fond of the cat.

“It’s a lovely animal. I feel myself strangely drawn to it.”

Kirk is way too confused by Seven--an allegedly human person with super-human abilities that he says come from aliens--and yet, he’s met Charlie X so??? Is this not the same?

Kirk’s got the whole crew checking in on zoom.

(I actually do like this sequence of him getting video calls from different parts of the ship.)

“Weren’t orbiting H-bombs a huge problem in 1968?” Looks at the camera like he’s on The Office. Not the subtlest bit of writing in the “social commentary” genre. I do say this with love, though. I always enjoy when they comment on contemporary problems.

“He has a totally perfect body.” Lol don’t distract these two bisexuals.

[soft meowing]

“The prisoner has escaped.” The way this is shot, it looks like he’s talking about the cat.

Hmm, I do love the decor. Very 60s. This honestly immediately feels like a different show, and a much more dated show; even when the Enterprise time travels, it tends not to time travel to... office space.

Love the little sounds the computer makes.

So is Isis supposed to be one of the fancy aliens? It’s never explained but one must assume she is.

Aw, he’s petting her paw.

So I assumed the cats sounds are real, but just dubbed. They’re not lol. Which I guess isn’t surprising: this cat makes a lot of noises! They were provided by a human voice actress.

Damn.... I want a secret bookshelf that turns around to reveal a super computer with a big screen. “Computer... play Netflix.”

That’s what Seven does in his spare time.

The computer is an AI. “Beta 5 snobbery” lol.

Where are OUR alien overlords to stop US from destroying ourselves before WE can mature into a peaceful society?

This is really masterful exposition lol. Not forced or awkward at all.

ST sure does love the snooty female computer trope.

“Get us the proper costumes.” Yes, get Spock his Requisite Hat.

Omicron IV....that’s one of the names they use in Futurama lol. Such nerds.

Another excellent Spock Hat.

I love Seven’s various IDs. Great style. I wish my driver’s license looked like those.

“Who do you think you are?” He hasn’t decided yet. That’s why he was shifting through his IDs.

Seven is not smart lol. Like, he should have figured out way faster that this lady isn’t one of the Alien Overlords. He asks her the code question, she doesn’t understand it, and he... assumes she’s just really in character? Dude, that’s what the code questions are for!!! To help you identify people! Otherwise you could just straight up ask: are you an alien?

Instead he’s like “oh, you silly alien, you’re playing with me,” and then is forced to trap her, reveal his whole mission, and ultimately ensnare her in his plan.

I want that typewriter. Voice recognition typewriter.

"My incompetence has made you aware of very secret devices." Well at least he knows.

Trained cat!

The alien overlords were killed in a random car accident. That’s ironic.

Oh look, a real rocket!

Brown pants + short sleeved shirt + tie is such a Classic 60s look.

This security guard doesn’t think it’s weird that this random dude has a cat with him? Is this part of Isis’s alien power?

Except for the part where it’s a weapon, it’s pretty cool to see all this build up to, like... launching stuff into space. Exciting.

Isis likes to be on shoulders. Just like Little Guy.

New hat for Spock. His outer wear hat, and now his fancy hat. There is something to be said for this ep, and that is Kirk and Spock in suits.

Amazing how they literally launched rockets with computers that old. Like seeing the big bank of primitive computers is totally wild. We put people on the moon that way! Amazing.

“Meow.” Lol, Isis is stressed so she’s speaking like a cat. That’s a pretty funny joke actually.

Seven is so incompetent. If he’d just let the Enterprise help, Scotty could have fixed that rocket issue in like 3 seconds.

Lol everyone’s just pulling Gary through space. Now on the Enterprise. Now in the office.

Why does this computer have a hug black screen if it only displays images on the small white circle?

"Spock and  I in custody. Main characters, doing nothing, knowing nothing, totally useless and irrelevant. I have never felt more helpless." Literally what is even the point of them today? Does Spock even have lines outside of “I like the cat”?

Isis is jealous of Roberta. Is she.. in a relationship with Seven lol?

Uhura is listening to everyone in the world. She probably has a universal translator on, but I do feel like this scene implies she just...understands all the languages.

So now the warhead is armed and heading to somewhere vague... in other words, everyone has collectively made the situation worse.

....Or this was Seven’s plan all along? To scare people into ceasing to be so careful with nuclear weaponry? As someone who knows humans better than this guy, I think this is a dumbass plan.

“That’s why so many people in my generation are kind of crazy and rebels.” Same, sweetheart.

Really this is just a story about bad communication. If Seven had told Kirk his plan upfront, Kirk would have helped him. And if Kirk weren’t so insistent on involving himself in something just because he happens to be somewhere he probably shouldn’t be, we wouldn’t have this issue either. The hubris of everyone.

Overall, just a really forced narrative imo.

Or that’s how it was supposed to be lol. The Irony of time travel. By it’s nature, everything has already worked out.

Kirk and Spock are like “You’re welcome. Peace out.”

Honestly... Isis was the only good part. Such a talented cat actor!! Or trio of cat actors, I guess. Had to do all those stunts and stuff.. .amazing. I also liked the concept of Isis. How she turned into a human later just to troll Roberta. How she’s never really explained--one must assume, an alien? Plus I pretty much never get tired of human + animal teams where the animal makes animal noises and the human just understands and answers in English.

As a stand alone sci fi concept...it was okay. Kinda dated by now. The alien tech was nifty and Roberta could have grown on me. Maybe even Seven, though he left a lot to be desire. That said, the narrative relied a lot on people getting in each other’s way for no reason, which I find very frustrating.

But as a Star Trek episode....no. The main characters were just nuisances on the side lines!! I’m not even sure what Kirk’s mission here was--to try to figure out what Seven was doing? And stop him if necessary? But he never really decided if it was or not, until the point where not trusting him would basically cause a nuclear war? I don’t know, I found it all very frustrating. The melding of the original show and the spinoff was not smooth.

If I were watching this in 1968, I’d feel very cheated. THIS was the season finale? That’s it? I don’t even get a real Star Trek episode and now I have to wait months for anything new?

And what I get after all that waiting is Spock’s Brain?? I’d be tempted to quit. If I had a tumblr in 1969 I’d be writing multi-paragraph rants about how the best show on television has completely nose-dived lol.

But then there’s The Enterprise Incident, which is one of the best episodes... I don’t know, man. It’s a conundrum. I’ve only seen maybe half of season 3 but from what I remember it’s very uneven: some of the best eps (The Enterprise Incident, For the World Is Hollow, Day of the Dove) mixed in with some of the worst (Spock’s Brain, The Paradise Syndrome), plus some that are good concepts but shoddily executed (The Way to Eden). So we’ll see what I think about it when I see it all in one piece, in air date order.

[ve1vetyoongi]

lay down your weakness | jhs

pairing: hoseok x reader

genre: smut, angst, fluff here and there

au: bestfriend!hobi, friends to lovers (kind of)

word count: 6.5k

summary: Hoseok had imagined this moment more than enough times. Except in his head it took place somewhere more romantic than the back seat of his car and you always loved him back.

warnings: dom/sub themes, dom!hobi, sub!reader, hoseok is a sweetheart tho, dry humping, fingering, multiple orgasms, size kink, unprotected penetrative sex, semi public sex, possessiveness, but also kinda tender fucking, some dirty talk, creampie, pining and a whole lotta angst (i warned you.)

a/n: this fic is based on the song “howling” by RY X. i hope you enjoy! <3

playlist: visit my playlist page and select “lay down your weakness”. (links to be added later)

When Hoseok's phone vibrated on his night stand at an ungodly hour of the morning, his heavy eyes had widened at the sight of your name lighting up the screen.

He wasn't expecting you to call tonight. You'd texted him nearly eight hours ago -- not that he was counting or anything -- to tell him you were leaving for your date with some guy from one of your classes, even sending him a mirror picture to prove it that made his breath hitch when his eyes glossed over the black dress which hugged your figure just right.

You were always asking if you looked okay. He told you that you looked lovely. Even sent one of the silly little thumbs up emojis, as if to say go get your man like a supportive friend should.

But what he really wanted to say was that you looked perfect in that dress and that you would have no trouble catching Jungkook's eye looking like that. After all you managed to catch Hoseok's eyes in your sweats and one of his over sized jumpers playing games at midnight on his couch.

Except that is the exact opposite of what you're supposed to say to your best friend, so he swallowed the words like he always did.

Anyway, he'd turned in for an early night after that, hoping to get the image of Jungkook's hands stripping you out of that sinful dress out of his mind before it led to even more scandalous images of you without the dress, sat in Jungkook's lap and wishing it were him underneath you. His mind liked to taunt him, saying that it really could have been him if he hadn't left it too long to make a move, falling so deep into the friend zone that he knew there was no way back out.

So receiving a call from you this late at night surprised him to say the least.

Sleepy fingers fumbled to hit the green answer button before you rang off on the other end of the line, the selfie you had forced him to take way back when your hair was long and his hair was blonde that he had set as your contact picture disappearing, quickly replaced by the sounds of your sniffles crackling down the line and suddenly he was upright in bed.

"Can you come pick me up?"

"What happened?"

"Don't wanna talk about it." Another sniffle, Hoseok already throwing a hoodie over his pajamas.

"I'm on my way. Hang tight."

A pang of worry throbbed in his chest as he envisioned you stood shivering somewhere on the side of the road while he hastily shoved his feet into the first pair of shoes he found. Or at least that's what he told himself it was as he started his car, bumping up the heat for when you would slide into the seat next to him.

Because somewhere deep down, he knew the reason he was speeding down city roads at 01:37 as the dashboard clock liked to remind him, was simply because he wanted to be the one to tell you everything was going to be okay. A part of him was even a little glad that things hadn't worked out with Jungkook. And he hated himself for it.

It was like his eyes were alert to you, spotting your hunched figure leaning against a scuffed wall outside some scummy bar before he was even close enough to see the tears streaking your cheeks. You didn't give a little wave like you usually did when he pulled up, no coy smile making his heart do little flips, just that same pang of miserable sympathy in equal measure to his niggling guilt. Instantly he knew that this one was bad.

Still, he leaned across the center console and pushed the door open in a welcoming gesture for you to hop on in like he always did because you said it was gentlemanly and he was a sucker for praise when it came from you.

"Y/N?" He asked simply, expecting a hello or a reassuring smile at the least.

But when you slumped into the passenger seat, bare arms hugging your torso, he was met with nothing but a glum vacant stare.

While you usually seemed to fill the room with your presence, the way your eyes crinkled when you laughed or the way you hummed along to the radio under your breath enough to brighten his mood instantly like a perfect spell. Now you seemed small as you pressed your forehead to the window and watched the blurry orange glow of streetlights pass by with watery eyes.

The funny ache in his chest was back but this time it was an overwhelming longing to reach out and hold you, wipe away the tracks that stained your cheeks. But he feared that if he did you would shatter into a million pieces right in front of him so he tightened his grip on the steering wheel until the veins in his hands strained in the dark and focused his eyes on the road.

Unspoken words were thick in the air. Silence didn't usually bother him, not with you. You spent copious amounts of time in each others quiet company all the time. It was comforting.

Not this, though. Even the hum of the car engine and the click of the indicators seemed deafening. But he knew you well enough to know that pushing you to talk wouldn't make a difference and you'd let him in when you were ready. His job was just to be there when the time came, like a best friend should be.

Hoseok wasn't sure if he was supposed to be dropping you off at your place — honestly the thought of leaving you alone when you were still shaking with muffled sobs made him sick to his stomach — but it didn't feel right to take you back to his apartment either.

So he let the wheels of the car drive a journey every inch of which he had burned to memory, until he was pulling into the far most parking space in a darkened lot, otherwise vacant due to the hour, that overlooked the sea and the little slip of beach beside it.

All concerns were out of the window now. Hoseok didn't care if it was late and he should have been sleeping or that he was going to be tired at work tomorrow. This place was only called upon for special occasions. Or emergencies.

It was your place. Where the two of you came when you received good news or bad news; wanted to laugh or wanted to cry; when it was sunny or when it was raining; when you got your college acceptance letter or the day Hoseok's dog died to name a few.

Hoseok cut the engine, plunging you into complete silence, apart from the tranquil crash of waves which seemed to comfort you somewhat.

If he strained to look over he dashboard he could see the overgrown steps which led down onto the pebbled sand, water beyond it black with the reflection of the cloudy night sky, apart from a slither of moonlight which glistened across its surface.

Hoseok always thought it felt different here at night. Melancholy. You said you liked it better without the bustle of people — it was a popular spot for couples which always made Hoseok burn from the inside out with a yearning to hold your hand like they did — more so now it was just you and him and the rolling waves.

After a few long minutes of watching the tide, you finally permeated the hush with a shaky sigh.

Hoseok wanted to wrap you in his arms there and then like he usually would without hesitation. But something felt different so he refrained. Spoke tentatively instead. "Are you okay?"

You scoffed and he worried he'd said the wrong thing but then again it was the most he'd gotten out of you since you'd left the bar. "I'm pretty shit, actually."

Moonlight highlighted the way you threw your head back against the headrest in self reproach, pressing your knuckles to your eyes but failing to stop the fat tears that slipped out anyway.

Hoseok bit his lip. "Want to talk about it?"

"Turns out the date was just a stupid bet with one of his friends." Your laugh was hollow, shake of your head sorrowful. "We didn't even make it to movies before he was running off with some other girl he met at the bar"

Hoseok's heart shattered. He knew first hand how excited you had been for this stupid date; you'd been blabbing on about it all week. About how much you liked Jungkook. About how much he liked you.

"Fucking bastard." Hoseok gritted, fists clenching as he envisioned all the ways he could fuck up Jungkook's pretty face for making you hurt. "You're better than him, Y/N."

"But I'm not!" A hand slammed on the dashboard, making Hoseok jolt when your voice raised incredulously. "Jungkook was supposed to be the best thing that ever happened to me but he doesn't want me, Hobi. No one ever does."

I want you. The words died on his tongue before they could be spoken, Hoseok sucking in a breath as he mulled over something more appropriate instead.

"Don't be ridiculous," the anger lacing Hoseok's tone made you finally loll your head in his direction, taking in the way he tensed beneath your gaze. "Everybody wants you around here."

It was true, at least in Hoseok's eyes; he had to deal with sleazy men looking you up and down when you danced with him in a strictly PG  fashion on nights out or the campus guys who always interrupted your conversations while you ate lunch together. Even he caught himself staring at you from time to time. Or all the time, actually.

"Then explain why I'm some fraternity joke, Hobi?" Tears were salty on your tongue, voice unnaturally croaky. "Twenty bucks was all I was worth."

Hoseok's hand flew out to squeeze your hand comfortingly before he could think better of it. When you didn't pull away he had to fight to string a sentence together, too caught up in the way your hand felt soft beneath his larger calloused one.

"You're worth so much more than that." His words were laced with a sincerity that made the hurt ache a little less. "Everything. To me."

You sniffed, lacing his fingers with yours and letting the drag of his thumb across your knuckles soothe the ache in your temples from the cheap alcohol at the bar and the tear in your heart.

"Sometimes I think that nobody will ever love me."

The confession lay heavy in the air, nearly making Hoseok choke, or perhaps that was the I LOVE YOU's which were fluttering against his ribs like a bird in a cage.

"You know that's not true." The words were hoarse, Hoseok barely able to think through the blood pounding in his ears when you rested your head on his shoulder. From this angle he could see the rise and fall of your chest, slightly calmer now. The lashes pressed to your cheeks which glistened with a dampness in the dim lighting. And the perfect curve of your lips which he could easily capture between his own if he just cupped your cheek and leaned down a little -- no, definitely not thoughts that you should be having about your best friend, especially not like this. Selfishness won out though as he still could not bare to push you away, pushing his face into your hair instead and chastising himself for savoring the moment.

"I love you." It was barely a whisper against your temple and it should have dissipated on his tongue like the sea foam below but the way you hugged your knees to your chest filled him with an unstoppable desperation to make your hurt go away, even if it would twist the ache in his own heart like the point of a knife.

Your sigh was soft. "Yeah, but not like that."

If only you knew...

A hard swallow, another twist of the knife. "How is it any different?"

You averted your gaze and every second that ticked by in silence made his pulse race. Until you were pulling his face into your hands carefully, eyes zoning in on his parted mouth determinedly and before he could question your intentions his lips were pressed against yours in a hard kiss that made his head spin with a lethal mixture of relief and infatuation.

The plushness of your lips was softer than anything he had ever imagined late at night while you slept in his bed and he slept on the couch. It was barely a delicate brush at first, warm breath mingling with his before your lips were molding to his like you knew them well.

The sour taste of vodka lingered on your tongue as it swiped languidly over his bottom lip and he was silently glad he brushed his teeth before picking you up, never expecting to have his mouth on yours ever let alone tonight of all nights.

You broke away with a gentle pressure on his chest, teeth sinking into his lower lip before letting it go with a barely audible pop. When your eyes fluttered open, Hoseok was stiff, lips slightly more swollen than before and you had to admit he looked good with his hair still tousled from sleep and his chest rising with labored breaths.

"That." You murmured, releasing his hand from yours to swing your leg over his lap, mounting yourself on his thighs and ignoring the way the steering wheel pressed into your back. Hoseok's legs parted instinctively. "You don't love me like that."

Hoseok couldn't help the way his breath hitched when your groin landed in his lap, a red flush creeping up his neck when he felt his own crotch begin to stir at the visual image -- his dreams literally coming true -- squeezing his eyes shut and focusing on his ragged breathing to stop himself filling out his pants and making things awkward between you.

"What are you doing?" It was all but a rasp, tongue snaking out to dampen his lips, head pounding with alarm bells which couldn't quite drown out the desire warming in his chest.

"You said that you love me..." His nod was violent, never an action more truthful. You noticed the way he trembled beneath you when your fingers trailed down the front of his hoodie, testing the waters. "Can I trust you to help me forget?"

He very nearly groaned when he felt your breath ghost hotly across his neck to whisper the insinuation into his ear with what you hoped sounded like confidence, seductiveness but what Hoseok recognised as torment and recklessness.

"You can always trust me." You knew he meant it, though you didn't know it stretched as far as this. Neither did he, usually confident in his own self control but not now, as you leaned down to capture his mouth for the second time and maybe the last for all he knew so why not at least try to enjoy it?

Except before your lips could touch and he knew he wouldn't be able to stop himself, Hoseok hesitated.

Deep down he knew that you didn't love him back, that this was the sadness or the alcohol or both talking and that he should tell you to think about if this is what you really wanted and drop you  home instead. But the way you looked at him with a dark intensity, almost pleading, shattered and fragile, made him want to do whatever he could to put you back together. He knew that he could make you feel good, even if it would be a temporary reprieve and it would hurt him more in the long run.

But mostly, Hoseok was a selfish person. It was too tempting to let himself believe you wanted him truly in this moment. He was weak and he couldn't resist.

He leaned in a little closer, your foreheads touching. Dear god, he couldn't fight his thoughts, too enamored with the fact that you were really sat in his lap right now, the smell of the perfume he knew all too well overwhelming his senses.

"Okay." Was what his shaky voice managed to stutter. "If you're sure?"

"I'm sure." It was spoken against the corner of his mouth, your fists tangling in his hoodie and pulling him up to meet your mouth in a kiss more intense than the last that made you fizz with an excitement that dulled the hollowness because he was so so warm, pulling you from the cold water in which you drowned and keeping you afloat in his comforting embrace instead.

You kissed him like you always wanted to be kissed, with an urgency that told him how much you wanted -- needed -- to feel him everywhere, a burning in your lower belly that had you tangling your fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck, arching into his chest and seeking a further closeness.

It was hot and breathy and the most sensual sensation Hoseok had ever experienced when your tongue pressed against his with an electric curiosity, steeping him in a passion that set him alight, the flesh of his cheeks burning where your lips caressed them and where your exhales tickled his nose.

His hands hovered nervously over your body, not quite sure where they were supposed to go, and when you smirked into the kiss and pressed his hands firmly to your inner thighs, he quickly got to work rubbing circles into the bare skin which peeked out from beneath your dress. Even when a blush crept onto his cheeks as his fingers brushed the edge of your lace panties, making him forget how to move his lips for a second and clashing your teeth together awkwardly.

Hoseok still couldn't quite believe this was really happening and he mentally chastised himself for messing up. This had to be perfect. Something told him there wouldn't be an opportunity for a do over.

You didn't seem to care though, soft laughter tinkling into his mouth as you wrapped your arms around his neck and found his lips again in the darkness like a perfect puzzle piece. The sound was simultaneously the prettiest and the hottest thing he'd ever heard when it faded into a shallow whine when your clothed heat bumped against his hardness lightly.

"Shit, y/n." Even Hoseok couldn't curb the growl that left his throat when you started to grind in circles against his crotch, the agonizingly slow pace not helping the half hard situation he had going on.

By this point your panties were starting to stick to your folds, a lewd wet spot appearing on Hoseok's grey sweats where you tried to gain some friction on your swollen clit which throbbed for attention every time you felt his cock twitch through the fabric.

"You're so hot." He couldn't help it. The real thing was better than any of the ways he imagined you getting off above him when he was alone with his own hand wrapped around his cock.

The husk in his voice went straight to your heat. If the tent in his pants was anything to go by, his own hips stuttering up to meet the pace of your thrusts, Hoseok wanted you and the knowledge was enough to have you clutching at his hoodie strings, hole clenching for him to fill you up  and make you feel whole again. Feel wanted.

Hot palms were kneading the flesh of your ass now, sliding beneath your dress until the fabric was bunched up around your waist. The way Hoseok's eyes widened at your black underwear was cute, distracting you from the reminder that you'd worn them especially for Jungkook. His mouth fell agape when you guided his hand underneath the waistband. "Like them?"

"Love them." He'd seen your underwear a few times before by accident, when you changed at his place and chucked one of his huge hoodies over top of your otherwise bare body, the image burned into his memory enough to get him hot and bothered, mouth dry as he remembered that this time it was a purposeful display, all for him.

The smirk on your lips was wiped away when the feeling of his hand cupping your mound made you whimper, skin on skin much better than the rough friction from his sweats.

Hoseok let out a gasp of his own when the pads of his fingers circled your hole teasingly, surprised to find your arousal already drenching his fingers and making his cock throb painfully against his pants but he wanted this to be about you so he kept his thighs firmly planted to the seat. The idea that it was him who got you so wet was enough to satisfy him anyway. He never thought he, your best friend, could have this sort of effect on you.

"P-please." Impatience was clouding your vision, falling forward to grip the car seat when Hoseok's knuckle dragged your arousal up your slit, brushing briefly across your swollen clit and making you jolt at the electric touch. "Need you so bad, Hobi."

The way you slurred over your words, eyes squeezed shut and chasing the feeling of fullness between your legs made him groan. Even more so the broken way his name escaped your lips, practically begging him to touch you. As much as he would have liked to tease, make you writhe and plead for his fingers, he was too curious to see how fast he could make you fall apart.

The pads of his fingers made quick work of your clit, rubbing fast circles into the bud which made you buck off his lap, head thrown back and exposing the expanse of your neck which Hoseok longed to mark up all nice and pretty and claim as his own but he knew you weren't his so he refrained.

The strangled noise which left you when he slipped his middle finger inside you, promptly followed by a second, nearly tipped him over the edge, clasping the base of his cock through his sweats before he blew his load right then and there at the sheer visual of you using his hand to fuck yourself nice and slow by bracing yourself on the seat behind him.

Not that he could really see much in the dark what with with your panties obscuring your core from view but the lewd squelch as he curled his fingers inside you and the shaky breaths next to his ear punctuated by a string of blissful moans was enough to have him palming himself a little too excitedly, momentarily losing sight of his guilt and succumbing to the moment.

"Mmf, Hoseok gonna cum." The warning only encouraged him more, his wrist snapping at a sinful pace while his thumb toyed with your clit, alternating applying a firm pressure and rubbing it back and forth when he felt it throb deliciously against the pad of his finger.

"Let me see you, baby." There was something about the way he coaxed you through your high, almost commanding as he challenged you to fall over the edge that made the coil in your stomach tighten and suddenly your vision was fading to black and you could barely hear his encouraging but authoritative rasps as your head lolled against the window. "Cum for me, that's it."

He watched with an apt fascination as you came around his fingers, like he'd never seen anything like it before; and it was true, Hoseok was sure you had never looked so pretty and he had never felt so alive as in this moment with you clenching around his fingers, the pretty sighs fogging up the glass all his doing.

The emptiness inside you was back when he slipped out his fingers and wiped them on his hoodie, careful not to stain you with any of your arousal when he wrapped you in his arms, hearts beating in time now.

You stayed like that for a few moments. Him rubbing soothing circles into your back and trying to comprehend what just happened, nerves kicking in at your silence. You breathing in the scent of his woody cologne as your breathing softened.

"Are you okay?" He finally whispered, unable to stop his thumb from tracing your bottom lip when you sat back to look at him, wide eyed and still shaking from the come down of your orgasm.

"Mhm." Your nod was tentative, a funny warmth spreading across your chest at the way his eyes lit up, giving away the grin he was biting his cheek to suppress. "Remind me again why we haven't done this before?"

He stiffened. Because this means more to me than you will ever know...

The tension creeping into the cracks between your bodies made you shift, surprised when you brushed over something which made Hoseok groan.

Adrenaline made you flush as you reached between your legs to grip him through his pants curiously.

"You're still hard." You bit your lip. It drove him crazy.

"Don't worry about me." His laugh was breathy but it faltered when you squeezed his length over the fabric. "I-I'm fine like this."

His cock felt huge in your grip and another bout of lust pooled in your stomach when you realised that you could just slide your panties to the side, loosen the strings of his sweats and easily ride him right there, sure that his girth would stretch you out just how you liked it. And maybe, just maybe, fill the emptiness for good.

"Wanna feel you, though. All of you." Hoseok felt himself melt at the pout on your lips, putty in your hands. Whatever you wanted he'd let you do it. Even if you still weren't his, he knew in that moment that he was irrevocably yours. "Please?"

Your hands found his waistband and he gripped your wrists firmly. You silently wondered what it would be like if he pinned them above your head and had his way with you. But then you caught his concerned expression.

"Are you sure about this? Once we do this we can't go back."

Hoseok still didn't let go after you gave an affirming nod, wanting verbal consent. "I want you, Hoseok."

You could tell that broke him by the fucked out look on his face.

Weak. He was weak when it came to you. And, as he was learning, weak for the way you shimmied his sweats around his thighs and whimpered when his girthy length slapped against the expanse of toned stomach which peeked from below his hoodie. You'd always expected him to be big, the one time you caught him sneaking out of bed after one of your movie nights with a loud and proud boner confirmation enough. But the real thing made you burn with a hunger to sink onto his already leaking cock.

Your small palm was cold when it finally wrapped around his throbbing cock, the sensation a euphoric relief from both the neglect and the years of lusting after this moment. He threw his arm over his eyes, losing himself to the sensation and letting his hips buck into your touch.

Now he was actually here he couldn't think of anything other than the slow slide of your palm down his length, how he wanted to husk that his cock was made for your hand but he knew it wasn't true so he pressed his lips together and listened to the sharp huffs of air which pushed through his nose with every twist of your palm around his engorged head.

"Wait!" Hoseok lurched forward suddenly, fingers digging into your shoulder, face buried and panting in your chest. "Gonna blow my load if you keep that up."

"You don't want to?"

Strands of his hair stuck to his damp forehead and he shook them out of his eyes. His sudden grip on your hips was bruising as he pulled you down into his lap, breath hot against your neck. "Wanna see you fall apart on my cock first."

Hoseok had no idea were the sudden surge of confidence came from. The hormones perhaps or maybe he was just like any other guy, losing himself once he got a hand around his cock. It definitely shouldn't have been the fact that he had his best friend, the girl of his dreams, in his lap and his head was swimming with thoughts of how right this felt even though it was supposed to be so wrong.

"Oh. O-okay." Your core was pulsing again, the authority in Hoseok's voice different from how you were used to. You were quickly realizing you liked the way he smirked when you writhed at his words and braced yourself on his shoulders to pull your panties to the side, ready to just sink down onto his cock then and there.

"Don't." It was firm, commanding. Made you shiver. "Back seat. Now."

You obeyed, practically throwing yourself through the gap in the seats with anticipation, missing Hoseok's warmth during your brief separation until he was hovering over you with a hunger in his eyes that took your breath away. Like he wanted to devour you completely. If he'd asked, you would have let him.

"T-take this off." You mumbled, tugging at the bottom of his hoodie which he pulled over his head with his t-shirt in tow. Hands instantly trailed up his chest, taking in the slight firmness of his shoulders in the dark, not quite remembering when your best friend gotten this broad. There was a pang in your chest. It felt safe here with him, like nothing was wrong with his strong form hovering over you.

By the time he was throwing the pile of fabric in the front seat you were working on your panties, Hoseok's eyes darkening with lust as he watched you kick them off and slide the thin straps of your dress down your arms.

The night air was cool against your nipples, making you gasp. It was a small bliss but you were thankful you didn't wear a bra when Hoseok's bare chest pressed against you skin on skin, instantly warming you.

The drum in Hoseok's chest intensified when he took in your bareness for the first time. His imagination had done no justice. He wanted to commit every inch of you to memory; the perfect swell of your breasts, each soft rise and fall of your chest, soft thighs squeezing around his waist as he gripped the flesh of your ass with a roughness he could no longer curb. Skin warm and flushed and shivering lightly with every delicate touch of his fingers, hair fanned out on the seat like a halo.

Hoseok wanted to say that you were perfect, that he felt like the luckiest man on the planet right now with you laughing at him breathily from where you hid self consciously behind your fingers, a shyness he didn't understand when you looked like this.

He wanted to say that he loved you. To open the car window and scream it into the salty air so that every crashing wave and every grain of sand and every droplet of rain which had started to best down on the car knew it.

But the words wouldn't come so he simply placed a careful kiss to your cheek, roaming downwards and mumbling against your jaw. "Don't hide from me."

The dip of your collar bones proved too enticing to resist, his lips attacking the slightly damp skin and sucking harshly until you were left with a plethora of purple bruises across your neck, the way his teeth grazed your flesh and his tongue laved the burn making your core ache. It was passionate and hungry but somehow tender, as if he wanted to worship every inch of you.

"Hoseok!" You gasped when he found the sweet spot behind your ear as easily as if he had done it a million times before. Like he knew it was there. "What are you doing?"

"Mine." The single word was growled against your jaw line as Hoseok pressed a series of kisses up to your chin, skipping your lips when they parted in waiting in favor of leaving another pretty bruise on the opposite side of your neck. "You hear me? All mine."

Maybe you were lost to the moment or maybe Hoseok's possessive side was the reason your heart started to race, moaning unabashedly now. "Y-yours! I'm yours."

Hoseok couldn't tell if the words went straight to his heart or to his rock hard cock.

Something inside him snapped and he just couldn't hold back any longer, hands running up and down your sides as he kissed down to your breasts, taking a nipple into the heat of his mouth and smirking when you arched into the touch. "Look at you, getting all worked up from just my mouth."

Hands spread your legs roughly and you were at his mercy, enjoying the way he hummed in admiration at your glistening folds.

"All for you." You breathed, believing your words wholeheartedly.

Hoseok's fingers found your sticky clit, stroking with his fingertips lightly. "All for me." He flushed with pride.

"Please fuck me now."

The words he'd always imagined spilling from your lips, breathier in real life he noted. It made him wonder how the other three more sentimental words he wanted to hear would sound.

"Since you asked so nicely." Nerves wracked Hoseok's frame when he realised that this was actually happening, hands shaking as he gripped the base of his cock to line it up with your clenching entrance.

When he finally pushed inside, your warmth swallowing his cock until his hips were flush to yours, it felt like you were finally whole.

The stretch burned, but it soon faded to something close to bliss as you felt every inch of his cock drag against your velvety walls, the head hitting so deep inside you that each thrust took your breath away. It grazed your sweet spot just right, like your bodies were made for one another.

Hoseok didn't give you much time to adjust, wanting to see the way your face twisted with every thrust. Wanting to see how quickly his cock could reduce you to a fucked out mess. "Bet he couldn't fuck you like this."

"W-What?"

"Jungkook." Hoseok licked his lips, trying not to cum when his words made you clench around his sensitive cock. "You were made to take my cock."

"Fuck, Hoseok."

You followed his gaze to where his length slipped out of you, glistening with your arousal, Hoseok running the head through your slit to nudge your clit before it was disappearing into your entrance again. "Look at you, taking my cock so well, hm?"

"Yours." Tears sprung at the corners of your eyes, overwhelmed by the fullness and his sinful mouth. "Only yours."

"Bet he feels so fucking stupid for missing his chance to feel this pretty pussy."

Arms wrapped around his neck, fingers cupping his face and slotting your lips together. Your eyes were shut and it was almost instinctive — did he lean in or did you? — expressing how much you wanted him and how good he was making you feel with a long press to his puckered mouth that felt like rain on a hot summer evening, water breaking a dam. Relief. Like falling into one another's skin.

And every time your hips met skin on skin and you sighed into his mouth, Hoseok felt his heart swell. Even with the expletives slipping past his lips every now and again, he fucked you with a fondness that consumed every inch of his being, one which he felt when he saw you from across the room or when you turned up at his door unexpectedly in the middle of the night.

Love. He hoped you could feel it with every roll of his hips because he couldn't make the words come out.

Then you were reaching a second high, eyes rolling back and soft mewls of overstimulation caressing his ears as you clenched impossibly tight around him and he fell over the edge alongside you, face falling into the crook of your neck as he coated your walls.

In the few moments after, with you pulling him close and his chest pressed to yours, he could feel your erratic heart beat against his skin; and Hoseok swore the final pieces of his own heart fluttered straight out of his chest and into your palms.

Just you, him, and the rolling waves that swelled and crashed achingly in time with every pump of his heart.

But all good things have to end eventually. It was late. You were tired. He had work in the morning. You weren't in love.

There were tissues in the glove box and he helped you clean up, pulling his hoodie over your head when you started to shiver. If you closed your eyes and breathed in his scent it was like his arms were still around you. Hoseok never complained when his own arms prickled with a chill at the loss of your warm body pressed to his.

Then your head was on his shoulder again, both arms wrapped around his waist as you gazed off across the ocean, breathing soft with a hazy smile resting on your lips. The you he was used to back somewhat, if he ignored how much better he knew you now than ever before.

"I love you, you know." Hoseok sounded choked. He didn't mean to.

"I know." A few beats of silence. "Thank you. For making me feel better."

His inhale was shaky as he brushed a few strands of hair from your face, unable to stop the corners of his lips turning up when you glanced up at him through your lashes even despite the hollowness in his chest. "How about I take you to see that movie instead, huh?"

"I'd like that."

And for a blissful moment Hoseok thought that things might be different now.

He clung to that maybe for the short drive home and while he carried your sleeping form into your apartment, letting himself in with the spare key he kept on his keychain and when he tucked you into bed with your shoes placed neatly beside the door.

He believed it even harder when you gave him a sleepy kiss goodbye.

And even when you sent him a mirror picture nearly a week later and he said you looked lovely like he always did while he hoped and he hoped that your date with Park Jimin would be as disastrous as the last, he maintained a slither of hope.

Because one thing would never be different: Hoseok was weak when it came to you.

[ootori-sibs]

Kyoya's second shot

Chapter seven: Big brother to the rescue!

It's unlikely that two days are just perfect as each other, you cannot simply have the best day of your life, then have the same day tomorrow. And unfortunately common occurrence is for one day to be wonderful, simply the best, then the next day to be empty and hollow- even if nothing bad happens; the lack of the joy makes a normal day seem even worse. That was how Sunday went for Kyoya; he couldn't even talk to Tamaki over text, as he was spending the day with Haruhi.

He had woken up in Tamaki's bed, alone. Tamaki had already left to go and spend time with Haruhi, having left a note and some of Kyoya's favourite foods for breakfast. Kyoya had barely picked at it, not feeling all too hungry, but he didn't want to upset Tamaki, so he finished the food before leaving. The ride home was silent, Kyoya simply read through Arai's report of the day spent with Haruhi. Apparently they'd spent the day reading and sitting in the local park, nothing really romantic in the slightest- Kyoya had to wonder if Arai had even tried.

The moment he'd gotten home, he stumbled upstairs, completely ignoring his brother who was visiting for the day, he made a b-line for his bedroom, crawling under the covers and just hiding. He had lain like this for the entire summer holiday, so what was one day more? He wasn't being selfish, he was just tired, a whole day outside had taken a lot out of him. He barely glanced up to read the shadow council group chat, oh… they were calling him slurs again. Maybe he should just sleep.

But Eclair reminded him that he'd scheduled a meeting with the council today, so he took about an hour to compose himself enough to at least sit up, the many blankets still wrapped around his head and body- if they wanted to judge him he couldn't care less, he felt as if he could cry without the soft pressure from his blankets. His maids had brought him lunch, along with a note from his brother, asking if he wanted to talk or hang out… Kyoya sighed at that, Yuuichi was always trying to bond with him, it was strange; why would he want to spend time with Kyoya when he could spend that time working? If Kyoya had a job he'd do absolutely nothing else, how dare his brother spend so much time doing nothing at all yet still be the favourite.

Kyoya had turned his laptop on, setting up the meeting before inviting all his council, they did have work to do after all. "Good afternoon everyone."

Eclair was simply sat on a chaise lounge, drinking wine and smoking, clearly just showing off that she could do that kind of thing. Nekozawa was sat in a dark room, lit only by candles, he was missing both his wig and cloak, and sat there with his regal features- if he wasn't such a creepy guy, maybe Kyoya would be attracted to him. Akira was hunched over his desk, looking incredibly stressed to be in this call, good. Seika was laying on her bed, legs in the air like she was in an American movie about teens, it was uncanny. Chika was sitting in a quiet corner of a garden, there were a couple of baby ducks in the background, just chirping about. Arai, ever the lovely commoner, was simply in his kitchen, making his lunch as they spoke.

Kyoya sighed, adjusting his glasses, "first thing I have to address; Arai, how did yesterday go?"

The commoner boy barely glanced at him, busy making food, "well it was alright I suppose, I sent a message about it didn't I?"

"You did, but I'd like you to make a formal report for the rest of the council."

"Alright then," Arai nods, chopping some tomatoes, "we went to the park and read books together, I bought her a milkshake with ice-cream. She complained about school, I let her-" he clearly pause, putting the knife down for a moment, "she complained about you at one point actually."

Kyoya froze, Haruhi was complaining about him? What did he do? Did she know? If she was complaining to Arai, imagine what she could be saying to Tamaki at that very moment… Kyoya's hands were already shaking as he wrapped his blankets around himself even more, "what did she say?"

"Oh she just said some stuff about how you've been really pushy and snappy lately, also like- totally going through someone but kind of being a dick about it." Like all commoners, Arai spoke bluntly, but there was something in his tone, in the way he paused when he saw Kyoya's expression, his gaze softening… "hey, those aren't her exact words, just a bit of paraphrasing. Don't worry about it, she doesn't suspect a thing, also I mean; she's not wrong, you're clearly going through someone, and you're clearly lashing out- forgive me for getting too personal." He had smiled, before turning to continue making his lunch.

Kyoya didn't know how to respond to that, how dare that commoner see straight through him- but he wasn't cruel about it… like anyone else in existence would be, Kyoya felt himself bristle nonetheless, his pride forbidding him from accepting any care. "Oh look, the basket case is about to start crying and we've barely started the meeting." Ayanokoji had made a cruel comment, one that people laughed at, Arai was ignoring the meeting now, clearly he was only going to speak when asked to. Kyoya's fists clenched, he felt like he was about to put a hole through his laptop… he'd done that before, he remembered his father's reaction, he'd been grounded for two weeks after that. He hated to imagine what would happen the second time. So he took a deep breath, glaring down the camera.

"I'm sorry, Ayanokoji, why don't you tell us any new ideas you've had?" His tone was clear; she'd already been reprimanded for the graffiti, so any inappropriate idea would be criticised heavily- especially by a shadow king in a foul mood. Her eyes had gone wide, and she lay flat, glancing about a little nervously.

"Oh, well…" it was clear she hadn't thought of a single thing, "well I was thinking… oh! Maybe I could drug her coffee? Or ruin her work for classes? Or spread a nasty rumour..?" Kyoya thought about these options, letting the other council members speak first however, as he already knew his opinion.

Chika was the first to speak, "you're gonna poison the crossdresser??" His words got the attention of the other people in the call who weren't paying attention, such as Arai and Eclair; one of whom seemed a lot less onboard than the other.

Kyoya shook his head, "we will not be drugging her, as easy as it would be for me to get my hands on a harmless dose of something, we are better than that- we are smarter than that. Your other two ideas however, are fine. However; only ruin her schoolwork once, as we don't want to get her expelled."

"I thought we were trying to ruin her life?" Akira spoke up, why was he even still allowed to speak? Kyoya respected the commoner more than he could ever respect this newsboy.

So he rolls his eyes, adjusting how he's sat, "don't be foolish, we're just trying to drive her away from Tamaki, I harbour no real ill will towards the commoner- she is simply in the way. Now," he looks down at where Akira was on the screen, before his eyes filter back up to the webcam, staring straight into the lense, "I suggest you bite your tongue, Komatsuzawa, you're on thin ice here as it is." It seemed to work, the boy glanced away from the screen, biting his thumb and going silent.

Seika laughed, "god, what a baby. Sucking his thumb cause he got told off, how absolutely pathetic." Her words clearly annoyed Akira, but he was notably silent and the call was quiet for a second until Tonnerre spoke up.

"Ootori isn't much better," she addressed Seika, ignoring the other folks in the call as she lifted a glass of red to her lips, "he's all bundled in blankets like a baby, you can see his lunch behind him; there's even milk." She doesn't laugh, she doesn't even smile, but there's an airy huff that tells Kyoya she finds herself quite amusing, Seika's chuckling doesn't make it feel any better.

But she's not the only one laughing, Chika, the little brat, seems to find this oh so funny. "He's more of a baby then some of the people in my class! No wonder my brother hangs out with him!" Such childish laughter, and yet Kyoya feels more obliged to defend Honey with that insult then to defend himself… though he knew how it felt to be a younger brother, he found himself unable to sympathise with Chika at all in this regard.

He just stayed silent, not wanting to speak and incriminate himself for anything, he knew he could move his blankets but he felt if he did so he might just cry. So he stayed completely still, staring at the screen. Luckily the sound of cruel laughter was silenced by Nekozawa speaking up, "Ootori-san may have some clear issues, but it's not as if he embarrassed himself to the degree you did Ayanokoji-chan," he was smiling at her, expression and words completely harmless, though of course dear Seika took great offence, gasping at the very idea of her being worse than Kyoya.

The meeting delved into insults and jokes, slurs being thrown around as if it were middleschool again… Kyoya just sat there, hands shaking, as he watched Arai's screen. Arai wasn't partaking in the jokes of the rest of the council, he had finished making his lunch and had just sat down to eat it, watching the show with concern. Kyoya watched him take out his phone, typing something slowly, then… oh, Kyoya's own phone had pinged. He picked it up from his bedside table, reading the text.

Peasant: hey, are you doing ok?

you can talk to me if you want

I'm always willing to listen if you need it

even if we aren't friends

Kyoya had saved them all on his phone with the same nicknames they had in the group chat, with Nekozawa as an exception obviously. So he instantly realised that the text he'd just saw Arai type was this one he was reading now… or four texts he supposed, one after the other. He was caught off guard by them, the idea of someone he's barely spoken to, caring about him, seeking him out to make sure he's alright, offering to be a willing ear, using a gentle tone with him… it was all entirely new to Kyoya- and he didn't trust it one bit.

Kyoya Ootori: Don't take me for a fool, there is no viable reason for me to trust you.

He watched Arai receive the text, and noticed how he sighed lightly- Kyoya was right! Arai had been planning to dig into Kyoya's secrets! And pry at his weaknesses! Kyoya had won, he had been so smart to not open up to the common boy! He had to congratulate himself on that at least, he had one talent, if nothing else. He sighed slightly at that, realising his conclusion meant that no one on the council was even genuinely nice. So he sat there, eyes just focusing on whoever was speaking at the time, whoever was calling him a slur at any given moment… oh, his door had opened.

He glanced over to the entrance to his room, noticing Yuuichi standing there, looking entirely concerned. His brother glanced at his laptop, his frown deepening, "who just called you that?" Uh oh.

Everyone in the meeting had heard it, and most knew Yuuichi by his voice, and knew to be afraid- even the few that didn't, had enough sense to stay silent. Yuuichi walked over, taking the laptop from Kyoya's bed, looking at the screen. Kyoya silently watched in horror as his brother slowly looked at the members of his council, recognising them one by one- he looked extremely surprised to see… Eclair, Kyoya had to assume. Then Yuuichi's eyes landed on Arai, and he spoke his first words since entering the room, "what the… is that a commoner?" Kyoya nodded when Yuuichi glanced at him, staying completely silent as he processed this fact.

"What kind of strange gathering is happening here?" Yuuichi didn't seem to understand what was going on in the slightest, Kyoya was glad of that. But as Yuuichi sat down on the bed next to Kyoya, the laptop on his lap, the council began to speak.

Eclair spoke first, with a polite but clearly forced chuckle, "bonjour monsieur Ootori, I don't believe we've spoken properly yet?"

"Please," Yuuichi's smile was also faked, "call me Yuuichi."

She nodded, "Yuuichi, I don't believe you need to worry about this little meeting, your baby brother is awfully good at arranging things isn't he?" God, she was hiding her insults in complements now, as if Kyoya couldn't hate this woman anymore then she already did.

Yuuichi's face lit up at that, pulling Kyoya close to him, "oh you're right! He is so good at planning and organising, you should've seen the rigorous routines he used to map out when he was younger, he had a schedule for playtime!" He laughed, not realising how humiliating this would be for Kyoya, "he'll always be my sweet little baby brother, even if he's grown up a lot since then."

Chika let out a snort at that, causing Yuuichi to frown again, "why is there a toddler in this call?" It was incredibly rewarding to watch Chika splutter and explain that he's a middle schooler, as if Yuuichi wasn't fully aware exactly who he was. But the boy's laughter had reminded Yuuichi of what he'd heard, "so, which one of you did I hear call my brother a slur?" There was complete silence on the other end of the line.

Kyoya looked up at Yuuichi, frowning, he gently pinched his brother's arm, not wanting to draw attention to himself but also really wanting Yuuichi to stop it. Yuuichi glanced at him the moment he felt the pinch, smiling softly, he let Kyoya take the laptop from him, though frowned at that. "Alright everyone," Kyoya made sure to keep his voice level, smiling politely to the council, "I apologize for the interruption and I'm afraid we'll have to cut our meeting a little short, please ruminate on what we've discussed today and I hope to speak with you again soon, that will be all," and without letting anyone else get a word in edgeways, he ended the call, slamming his laptop shut and headbutting his brother in the chest fairly hard, just resting their for a moment.

"Kyoya…" Yuuichi had uttered softly, placing a gentle hand on Kyoya's head, playing with his hair, "why did you do that? You know I'd have stood up for you."

"Humiliate me is what you did." Kyoya's words were spat out, quite aggressively, but Kyoya only got so aggressive when he was close to tears, and Yuuichi knew this, and Kyoya knew that he knew, "you always fucking show me up, I don't need you to come to my rescue…"

These words must hurt his brother deeply, Kyoya knew that, but frankly, he didn't care, not right now at least. He had his own feelings, ones that were hurt a hell of a lot more than his silly little words could ever harm his brother, tears filled his eyes, already dangerously close to spilling over. Yuuichi didn't respond, at least not verbally- he gently picked Kyoya up, still swaddled in all those blankets, and he cradled him on his knee, just like he did when Kyoya was a baby…

Kyoya hated to admit it, but this did genuinely make him feel better- he felt so, so stupid for it, but being held by his older brother like that was actually so comforting, and Kyoya wasn't exactly sure why. Yuuichi gently shushed him, even though Kyoya hadn't made any noise, and just began to rock him gently. It wasn't as effective as when Kyoya was tiny, but it was still oddly comforting… like laying on a pool floaty and taking a nap.

After a while, Yuuichi gently put Kyoya down, frowning slightly, "can you tell me why you were talking with those people? I know you've been more social in highschool, but you actively hate some of those people."

Kyoya had sighed, really not wanting to have to admit to anything, so he attempted to lie his way through it. "Well I… it's a mutually beneficial alliance, personal opinions aren't a part of the equation. You of all people should know not to involve emotions in business."

"Kyoya, you're seventeen, you don't have any business to attend to," Yuuichi sighed, before reaching out and ruffling Kyoya's hair, "you should be paying attention to your feelings, you're at the age where you need to be fighting for your happiness." He smiled a little, that friendly, overly soft smile, that Kyoya knew meant he was about to get nosey, "I heard you had a day out yesterday, did you have fun?"

Now, Kyoya usually hated it when his siblings tried to pry into his private life, but Yuuichi was giving him a chance to talk about the wonderful day he'd had yesterday, and Kyoya couldn't help but to smile. "Well myself and Tamaki went to a little commoner-ran store to order custom food platter, because Tamaki wanted to do a theme based on commoner foods, and then-"

"Do you enjoy regular food then?"

"Huh?" Kyoya paused, looking up at Yuuichi in confusion, "what do you mean? We aren't talking about regular food, we're talking about commoner food?"

His brother had laughed at him, and Kyoya didn't quite understand why, "come on Kyoya, you're smarter than that- think about it for like, two seconds." But Kyoya still didn't understand, why would regular food be- oh.

"Oh. Oh dear, it seems I spend too much time around the others." He glances down in shame, having just embarrassed himself in front of his brother like that, he was just glad it was Yuuichi and not Akito- Akito would have just laughed.

Yuuichi, however, only chuckled a little, pulling Kyoya in and ruffling his hair even further, "Nothing wrong with having friends, even if you do pick up strange habits from them. Either way, do you like regular food then?"

Kyoya just hesitantly nodded, remembering yesterday's lunch, and that one time Haruhi bought him a burger. He wasn't sure why Yuuichi had asked him that, what use could that information be to him? His brother had smiled at him, clearly liking that reacting, then he glanced down at the untouched tray of food.

"How about we go grab some fast food for dinner? You don't seem too keen on lunch so we'll go early, how about five?" Kyoya was caught off guard by this- Yuuichi actively wanted to spend time with him? He hadn't just written the note to be nice? He was silent, just staring up at Yuuichi in silence. "What'd you say, Kyo? Wanna hang out with your big bro?"

Kyoya just quietly nodded, not smiling or even speaking, he was just- he didn't even know why Yuuichi wanted to hang out with him, didn't his brother have more important things to do? It seemed that Yuuichi had noticed his confusion, putting a gentle hand on Kyoya's shoulder.

"Kyoya, you're my baby brother and you're clearly going through something right now… Fiyumi told me there are fresh scars, please understand that I care about you, people care about you."

Oh. He'd been told about the scars, of course he had, why else would he be here? Kyoya had genuinely felt hope, that- for just a second, he thought his big brother actually wanted to hang out with him… he felt even worse then he had before. He hated being pitied, more than anything. But he couldn't tell Yuuichi how he felt, he knew his brother would never admit the pity. So he just smiled, nodding, making sure to appear to be the innocent child he knew his brother saw him as. Yuuichi seemed satisfied by this, smiling back and ruffling Kyoya's hair one last time before leaving the room, leaving Kyoya in an uncomfortable silence.

His phone was buzzing, he didn't need to check it to know it was the council, likely mocking him further. He just grabbed his blankets, wrapping them around himself again and flopping down on the bed, face in his pillow for a moment before he sighed and rested the side of his head on the pillow, looking over across the room and out the window. Kyoya hated the silence, he used silence to study, he used silence to cry, he only sat in silence when he was in pain- so he hated it. So he reached over to his phone, planning to just put some quiet music on- but he saw the notification sitting on his lockscreen, and he froze.

Woman: Yes of course, and he needs to hide behind his family all the time, he's barely a person without his name.

They were still talking about him, it hurt more that they were right; he did hide behind his surname too much, but it was all he had. He thought about how Fiyumi had helped him yesterday, how, even today, Yuuichi had come to his defence even without being asked, and had proceeded to promise to spend time with him… even Akito had been calling and texting him lately. It all felt so wrong, it was like he was a toddler again, he felt so babies, so protected. Eclair was right, he didn't exist without them right behind him- he certainly wouldn't be alive… if Fiyumi hadn't helped him with all those scars, even finding him after the first time it happened… he assumed he'd have gotten much worse, much sooner.

When he spent time with his siblings, it often made the bad thought disappear- so was that all he was without them? Was that who Kyoya was? Just an unstable bundle of bad thoughts? His fingers found his scars again, and he slowly traced over them, not daring to look… he was going to spend time with Yuuichi soon, he couldn't do that… but he wanted to, oh he was so tempted. He opened up the group chat, he could hurt himself in easier, less evident ways.

Child: He's a fucking wierdo, all those idiots my brother hangs out with are.

Woman#2: It's like, the only reason anyone even listens to, or pretends to care about him is because of who his father is.

Woman: Oh you don't know the half of it, he literally shows off his father's police force at any chance he gets.

He thinks being powerful is a personality trait.

Woman#2: I don't even know why they let him stay in the club, he doesn't even do any actual hosting.

Sorcerer: It's because Souh-san can't do maths.

Child: Lmao the guy he loves is using him, fucking ironic

Peasant: i think its sad…

Woman: Sad? It's fucking pathetic is what it is.

Kyoya promptly closed the group chat, feeling tears biting his eyes. He really, truly, desperately wanted to text Tamaki- to just ask if that was true. He knew it wasn't, he knew it, made no sense for it to be true… but that didn't stop it from hurting. His phone buzzed again, and Kyoya reacted with rage, tossing the thing across his bedroom, and curling up into a ball. Sure, he hated himself, and reason didn't really come into the equation at this point- but logic was Kyoya's best… and only quality, so he had to reason that bothering Tamaki, or anyone for that matter, would only serve to make himself look stupid, or crazy, or something to that degree.

He was still sitting in silence, and he didn't really want to get up in order to grab his phone. He wished he had one of those smart home things like the twins had, but his father considered them spyware- even if the house was already covered in cameras and microphones. Kyoya just lay there, maybe it wouldn't be silent if he was crying, but he couldn't cry… at least not like normal people. He was always silent in his sadness, tears running down his cheeks, he hated crying… it just reminded him how he wasn't normal, how he was broken- unemotional. He used to be proud of his silence when he was younger, he wasn't loud nor a bother like other children, he didn't scream or throw tantrums, he just sat quietly, getting on with his studies.

He had trained himself to be silent, thinking he'd be loved more, if he was quieter, more productive. Now that was all he was worth, it seemed he'd dug his own grave… he wasn't sure if he wanted to lay in it- death sounded wonderful, but he was terrified of leaving the people he cares about. He just lay there, he lay there… he stayed there for hours, just quietly crying- but then he got too tired to cry, and he felt quite thirsty, but he didn't want to move, so he lay there uncomfortably, staring into the middle distance.

[misc-headcanons]

Yaay! The ask box is open!! Can I request some SFW/NSFW requests for Ichiji, Niji and Yonji Vinsmoke? Thanks and lots of love

(I tried to keep these in-character, and as a result these are...not the fluffiest headcanons you’ll see. I can’t find a way to romanticize them too much; I mean, the Vinsmoke brothers are canonically just terrible people with no sense of empathy or sympathy so...yeah)

Potential TW: mildly unhealthy relationships, possessiveness

Ichiji

Okay, so these three are...difficult...to have a relationship with, to say the least. They’ve been genetically/neurologically modified to not feel emotions, so you’d think it’s impossible for them to feel anything like love or romantic attraction. Still, I like to think that there’s something they can feel, but it’s incredibly muted and almost doesn’t really register to them. But it’s still there.

Ichiji is possessive, but not as much as Niji. He’ll constantly have an arm around your waist or over your shoulder, just to display who you belong to. He’s a bit like Doflamingo, where he views his s/o as more of an object/shiny toy than an actual person with like...thoughts, and emotions, and all that shit. He practically buries you in outfits to parade you around in, and he likes it the most when you wear red so you two match.

If you were to somehow get him to experience a semblance of love outside of physical attraction (which the brothers clearly can feel, given that first scene with Nami), he’d be weirded out to say the least. He doesn’t understand why he feels so strange whenever you’re kind to him, and at first he assumes you’re manipulating him somehow. He’ll confront you about it and tell you to stop doing...whatever it is you’re doing to make him feel so strange. When you reply that you have no idea what the hell he’s talking about, he tries to explain the “symptoms” you’re giving him and gets annoyed that you’re lying about doing this to him. You’d have to explain very slowly that he might be feeling something akin to love, and he’d just be like “...Oh. Gross.”

Despite his distaste for feeling something like “love”, he can’t deny that he almost likes the weird way you make him feel. Maybe he can channel this whole “love” feeling into something productive and make him more powerful; plus, he’s also smug about being able to do something his other brothers can’t do, even if they view love as a sign of weakness. He’ll prove that even if he can feel something like this, he’s still the most powerful member of Germa 66 (as if being the eldest brother wasn’t enough of an ego boost)

Niji

Niji is definitely the most possessive of the three Vinsmoke brothers. Everywhere you go, he’s there next to you. Like Ichiji, he views you as more of an object or toy that an actual person; it doesn’t matter that you only met him a few days ago, you’re still his and he gets to do/say whatever he wants when it comes to you.

Like Ichiji, he gets you clothing that’s blue. Unlike Ichiji, that’s the only color you’re wearing. He wants people to see you two together and instantly know that you’re off-limits; the wardrobe just helps get that across. What can I say, this family has a thing for color-coding. 

He would be the hardest of the three to get him to develop any emotions, much less something like love. The closest he might get is briefly considering your perspective when he does something awful and then ignoring it because your opinion doesn’t matter, especially not more than his. Though over time, he’d start considering how you feel more and more, and may try to apologize by giving you gifts whenever he sees you’re upset by something he did. But material goods aren’t a replacement for a genuine apology in a healthy relationship. Honestly, I really doubt he can develop love; the closest you’d get is him misinterpreting other feelings and actions as a sign of love. And that is not the same, regardless of what he feels. 

He’d be the first of the three to actually say “I love you” and genuinely mean it, but that’s because he’s misinterpreting his possessiveness as love. When he’s possessive and refuses to leave you alone, it’s because he “loves” you and wants to protect you, etc. The “love” he feels is a hollow facsimile, closer to the way a child has a favorite toy than anything close to the real thing. 

Yonji

Yonji is a bit of an anomaly, compared to his two brothers. He’s a lot louder, more boisterous, and he’s not as possessive as Ichiji or Yonji. Unlike them, he doesn’t really care much for making you wear outfits, except for maybe wearing his scarf or his jacket sometimes; as long as it’s sexy or revealing, he’s cool with it. 

Very grabby and handsy with his s/o, and is definitely the brother that’s the most comfortable with PDA. He’ll make out with you at the dinner table and give zero fucks to the way Judge glowers at him for acting so “unseemly”. 

He likes it if his s/o is a little feisty, and he thinks it’s fun to push their buttons to get them annoyed. He’s kind of like that kid in school who would poke your back and then pretend like he didn’t do anything when you turn to glare at him. But instead of it just being an immature asshole classmate, it’s your immature asshole boyfriend.

He’s an ass, but he’s the most likely of the three to actually listen to you (in his own way). If you’re upset, he’d ask why you’re pouting and whining so much, even if you’re talking normally. If you vented about what was wrong, Yonji would just offer to beat the shit out of whoever was giving you trouble regardless of the situation. 

If you asked if he loved you, he’d immediately say yes and look at you like you’re an idiot.

“Um, obviously I love you, dummy. I’d kill anyone who made you upset and I make out with you all the time; can’t get any more loving than that!”

As you can see, his concept of love is very...different from actual love. If you tried to explain what love actually is and how to express it, he’d just cock his head and say that his way of expressing love is better. Still, he’d try every so often to do it “your way” and treat you with a modicum of warmth and respect. It’s weird to him, but eventually he starts to like it because of how cute you look when your face lights up after he says something genuinely kind. Plus, whenever he shows his love in a way that’s healthy, you’re a lot more receptive to having your ass grabbed and having his tongue in your mouth afterwards; he starts to associate “love” and expressing love healthily with the reward of extreme physical affection. It’s not the healthiest thing to do (you should love someone without the extrinsic reward of getting to make out with them or grab dat ass without them complaining so much about it), but it’s the closest thing to a good relationship that you’d ever get with a Vinsmoke brother.

Ichiji (NSFW)

Dominant, and prefers to be on top most of the time. If he’s feeling lazy, he’ll have you ride him though.

Right after the whole “I might be able to experience love” realization, he only wants to have sex with his sunglasses on. There’s something about having his eyes covered that gives him a sense of security from whatever weird thing you’re doing to make him feel so strange, and he feels like if you’re looking into his eyes without something to shield him, he’s too vulnerable. And Vinsmokes do not like feeling vulnerable. 

He likes it when you’re rough during sex (scratching, biting, etc.), even if the marks don’t show for long due to his armored skin. It doesn’t even really hurt him, it tickles more than anything; still, he likes seeing this feisty side of you in bed.

Niji (NSFW)

In addition to buying you plenty of expensive blue clothes, he buys a bunch of different sets of blue lingerie. He doesn’t mind if he accidentally tears or rips whatever you’re wearing during sex; he’ll just get you another one. He has a special thing for stockings and pantyhose, and he also likes it when you wear jewelry he’s gotten for you during sex.

Despite his nature, there are times where he’s surprisingly gentle with you in bed. It’s a part of that misinterpretation of love; he thinks that if he’s affectionate and soft with you in bed, it’s a sign of love and makes up for every other horrible thing he’d done to you that day. He likes to hold you afterwards and play with your hair, and fall asleep with you in his arms.

Tends to switch between being on bottom or top, but he’s always the one in control. If you’re riding him, he likes to have a leash on you so he can pull you close against his chest. 

Yonji (NSFW)

He’s got the highest sex drive of the three, and he’s got no problem with initiating something with you in public. If you wanted to go somewhere private, he’d pout (he likes it whenever everyone can see you getting fucked by him, it’s a great confidence-booster!) but he’d drag you to closest empty room and fuck you against the nearest surface.

Despite how selfish he can be, he always wants to make sure you cum. He likes hearing you moan and cry out his name as you writhe in pleasure from how well he’s using his mouth on you. He’s constantly bragging to his brothers about how well he knows your body and how good he is at sex (as if it’s a competition to him. Though as a Vinsmoke, everything is a competition, so he isn’t that far off)

Unlike the other three, he doesn’t mind you taking the reins sometimes. Since he likes it when his partners are feisty, he likes seeing you try to take control; it’s just so cute that you really think you can dominate him. If you ever wanted to try something like tying him up, he’d think it was hilarious and agree to it (even if he could easily break through some flimsy ropes, it’s funny to pretend you’ve really got him in a bind)

He’s usually wired after sex instead of tired. He’s also usually hungry afterwards, so he’ll have a servant bring a bunch of food for him (and you, since he’s trying to learn how to be considerate). Has no problem hopping out of bed when they knock at the door, and grabbing the tray out of their hands while buck-ass naked. He also eats in bed with you afterwards, with one arm slung around your waist while he eats with the other.