#except for the gay ones obvs

[one-winged-dreams]

Last minute beach trip whoooo

[ichthyorelationships]

an idea i invite anyone else to write about / run with lol....

the premise that The Change gets all messed up for alberto, say it's something that can happen from stress, &/or happens rarely and you just have to wait for it to resolve itself....used as some parallel to struggling through some emotional turbulence / upheaval / questioning / Realizing Things, etc etc

[p2iimon]

drawing more furry fnaf art. yknow just to keep you posted. i love posting in the tags sorry these ones got away from me

[cantofworms]

.

[plounce]

emet-selch is so fucking funny he has meticulously recreated an entire city and populated it with artificially intelligent shades and all that these shades do is discuss bureaucracy and go through bureaucracy. dare i say.. yet another moment of camp from him

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Ok since you said it, what about Gai and Yamato as a ship?

Meh. I’ll write it, i try to give them the love they deserve because they’re both amazing characters, but without Kakashi to make it that OT3 it just…

Falls flat for me.

It feels like there’s something missing (Kakashi) and it’s hard for me to really enjoy the pairing to the fullest extent they should be enjoyed.

Like, i know they’re cute. I know they’d make a fun couple, but Kakashi legit is the glue for them in my mind. Without him they’d never have met and bonded, so to not have him there feels weird

There’s also the fact that I think Kakashi is a great balance for them because Gai and Yamato are on two very opposite sides of the personality spectrum. Yamato is very seriouse with a slight goofy side that inly comes out really when he needs others to be serious (scaring Naruto when he won’t listen) and Gai is very goofy and carefree with a touch of seriousness.

Kakashi balances well between these two personalities and pulls them together. Without him it feels a bit too much like a clash.

[toilonto649lore]

i'm just going fucking crazy over here with my transfem kelso headcanon. can no one else see how much sense it'd make for kelso to be either a trans woman or at least nonbinary / gender nonconforming!? letting jackie put makeup and a dress on them and dance around her room? being ashamed when hyde asks her if she shaves her legs and then later admitting she does it bc she likes the way it feels? responding "yes i do" when jackie asks her if she knows what it's like being the prettiest girl at the party and referring to herself as "pretty like a girl" throughout the series? other examples i can't think of rn?? THE EVIDENCE IS RIGHT THERE PEOPLE

[elainemorisi]

old news I know, but Trek writers' ineptitude with romance is just so predictable and yet so extraordinarily varied!

[tirfpikachu]

are we just crazy or are lgbt spaces getting legit deranged?????

every unusual experience of sexuality/gender is a valid part of the bootiful qweer biodiversity of the world by default, but you can't be gay/bi/trans and not want to be called the q slur or see cishets say the q slur. and you can't say that you're afab4afab or amab4amab, that's just a creepy bigoted fetish you freak. unless you're transmasc4transmasc or transfem4transfem ofc, you get a free pass. but also kinkshaming is evil and deeply harms the most marginalized. but also make sure you don't have a fetish about genitalia... if you do, it's a "preference" not an inborn trait and you really can therapize yourself into liking it, just try hard enough. if you fail to you're a bigot, so just keep trying!! make sure to feel guilty abt it at least, you dirty homo. but getting beat up can be a cool sexual thing and bestiality or noncon is fine. but actual genitalia "preferences" are bigoted. if you don't call the genderqueer person pansexual instead of bi they'll chew their own arm off and hit you with it and call the cops but don't say you're a female trans man or that you're a trans guy lesbian or link it to being a female homosexual in any way ever okay?! you can't be at peace with acknowledging your sex/agab as a trans person!!!! or feel a connection to lesbian spaces as a trans man or gay male spaces as a trans woman!!! that's BIGOTRY and that's just feeding terf cunts you dumb theyfab. you can't link your cis womanhood to being afab AT ALL either bc that's transmisogynistic and dangerous rhetoric but every other group of gender marginalized folks can define their own identities and have a billion microlabels. you can't say you're not into girldick because not all trans women have dicks dumbass, surgical vaginas are defo the exact same as bio vaginas anyway so if you only like afab pussy & afab bodies you're a gross pervert mocking bottom surgery. and someone's upbringing as a male/amab or female/afab person definitely isn't a huge part of why homosexual ppl are into the same-sex/agab so you shouldn't give a single shit if a transbian flirting with you hasn't grown up facing misogyny or going thru afab/female body struggles or any of that, that has NOTHING to do with lesbianism between female ppl and has no bearing whatsoever on attraction you absolute psychopath. sexes/agabs is just a mix of detached body parts and you can play mr potatohead with it all and if you glued it good enough homosexuals wouldn't be able to tell at all that he used to be a mrs potatohead!! so they'd still hit that, right? homosexuals will go for anything anyway right?? homosexual love obvs can't be any deeper than genitals and fetishes. amab4afab ppl can be homosexual too anyway if they pass as gay irl too so homosexual isn't even a real tangible thing anyways it doesn't involve sex/agab at all and those ppl don't get to be their own specific oppressed class and do their own activism and have agency over their own identity bc they're super privileged worldwide and the enby living as a gender conforming woman in society dating a neckbeard looking for a third is more oppressed than a visibly gnc crossdressing bio guy holding hands with his normie bf. they might be gay but they're not qweer... except to the rightwing ofc!! oh and if you're trans and recently started passing as straight you're more privileged than an afab4amab couple who has lived as hetero til they transitioned! so shut the fuck up and listen to the New Gays. don't call yourself homosexual anymore or you're a cis bootlicker and if you're transmasc you're oppressing every transfem, including ones who have never faced misogyny irl a day in their fucking life!!! just be valid the RIGHT WAY!!!!!! be more queer you dirty normie homo!!!!!!

HAHAH i love it here

[capitalisticveins]

Wedding Summary (for those who won’t be listening) (obv Wedding Spoilers)

Starting it off, there’s no big twist in it, it goes as average as you’d expect a wedding to go. No guest vas, no plot twist, its normal, 43 minutes long

- The audio starts off with both David and Angel sleeping in bed, and David wakes up before the alarm, he says its so he could spend more time with Angel before the entire day happens, its cute

- Same with Asher, except Baabe woke up abt an hour before the alarm and got dressed before Asher woke up, they’re cute 🤭

- Asher’s excited about being a husband after today, and wants to show off how he’s married to Baabe and no one else is

- Scene skips to Asher, David, Sam, and Milo driving to the hotel in one car, and it’s revealed Darlin’ had the genius idea to have the soon-to-be married couple in separate cars and not see each other until theyre at the ceremony, Milo says Sweetheart practically ran to the car with Darlin’ already inside.

- So basically it was the characters in Car A, and the listeners in Car B

- Erik pulled another “listeners talking so it’s quiet” moment for a solid 2 minutes it was hilarious

- At the hotel Sam says Darlin’ is gonna be guarding the rooms of Angel and Baabe so David and Asher don’t see them, Asher’s hair is a fucking mess its cute

- Milo’s feeling nervous abt his speech because he usually talks out his ass with everyone else and not with a lot of feeling in such a big crowd, Sam tells him to talk out of his ass then, just with less cursing💀

- A big portion of the audio is David and Asher having a convo, I zoned out during this part but basically Asher still feels insecure about being Beta and wonders truly, why did David pick him to be Beta? David said he always had faith in Asher, and knew he’s be the best for the role, even if others don’t. They have another heart-to-heart about each other through the years, and hug it out like the gays they are

- Milo barges in and demands to be a part of the hug its cute

- Milo mentions his outfit being snazzy and him possibly stealing the show from Asher and David, Asher wonders if people will be able to see him without the pedestal, Milo threatens his life and bloodline

- We get to the venue, they’re already at Milo’s speech, and I think it’s adorable how hes obviously nervous even tho hes trying not to be

- Asher’s vows are so vague and mind opening its barely abt the wedding and more about how he felt being with Baabe all these years

- David’s vows are more down-to-earth and how Angel kept him together like glue and steered his life in the right direction, one he wouldn’t change for the world, god they’re adorable

- Milo does the “with the power invested in me I know pronounce you both Husband and Spouse” but fucks up and says “You ALL Husband and Spouse” and tries to backtrack and say he meant the couples not literally everyone in the room it was cute

- yeah thats pretty much it

- Wish we saw the rest of pack or Vincent idk

[stealingpotatoes]

askposting except its just one ask that was 924 words long

which i think is internet-jesus getting me back for the obscenely long ao3 comments i leave LOL

(also for the sake of my own screenshots im not. putting the whole paragraphs of text in but i did read them!!!)

@thedynamicworm thank u!!! ur idea of them meeting on coruscant is fun but leia doesn't sneak away on any missions!! she may have her father's inability to follow orders, but she knows where to draw the line and draws it pretty solidly at "things that will get me killed and/or grounded for a year". she sticks to tatooine and rebellion bases and the few planets her family takes her to for jedi training or little trips!

the closest she gets to meeting luke before age 15 is thru force dreams and the like

gaslight girlboss gatekeeping! Padme is VERY quiet about Luke's birth for the first few months (is just on Naboo w her family) and 1. pretends Luke was the result of a secret Naboo husband and 2. manages to hide when his birthday is so it looks a Bit Less Suspect. the handmaidens create this insane papertrail so convincing that Palps, had he not known otherwise, probs would've fallen for loll.

so deep down he does sorta know that Luke's Anakin's son, however comma he can't prove it for shit and Padmé never lets him get close enough to try prove it loll. + he can't rlly openly act against such a popular senator so theyre essentially fighting a shadow cold war

Luke meets Rex (eventually)!!! the closest there ever would be to codywan would be Obi-wan wistfully staring at his commander like he's in a period drama remembering before remembering he's not a hussy and thats forbidden lol. cody's just up to his canon shit unfortunately ):

same as canon, being a spiteful bastard, yelling kenOOOBIIII, and blinding dilfs <3

again same as canon (or potes-brand-canon) lolll she's out there vibing w quinlan!!!

they meet after the reunion when Padmé and Luke are staying on a rebel base w the Skywalkers and the Ghost fam visits! Ezra obvs goes to see his bestie Leia and she's like EZRA I HAVE A BROTHER NOW MEET MY BROTHER HIS NAME IS LUKE ISN'T IT COOL I HAVE A BROTHER and with a very fifteen-year-old twinge of worry that he's going to be replaced, Ezra goes to meet Luke. and the twinge of worry is replaced with a twinge of "oh no i'm gay" bc wow ok. he's cute. are people allowed to be this cute??

Luke's first opinion is "wow this guy's cool! and he has um... very uh... mm facial structure" the former of which is definitely ruined when Ezra does some stupid shit like 3/4 of a backflip and eats shit on the hangar floor

[ringdabel]

My thoughts on OP ships except im being 100% honest (P.1)

*LuNami - Cute but im not a big fan of it - Autisum and girlboss frfr - idm if its canon! I mean i like their moments of hugging and all, they're all so silly and i absolutely adore them! ^^ *LuHan - Nah... HARD pass... - I do not ship them at all and refuses to - their age gap is 12 and i think personally Boa is just having some kind of highschool crush -if this ship becomes canon...... bro im gonna stare in the distance and cry - If you ship these two...... NO OFFENSE! But What is wrong with you :[ *LuZo/ZoLu - MY EMOTINAL SUPPORT SHIP YIPPIEEEEE - They are so SO CANON u cannot convince me otherwise!!! - Dumb and Dumber. - I love and ADORE their dynamic! their interactions, first meetings, etc... EVERYTHING THEYRE SOOO CUTE AGHHCBSDBIL <3333 - The crew KNOWS they love eachother. They know what they are. - shamelessly kisses eachother goodnight - Zoro will die for Luffy, and Luffy will stop him. *LuSan/Sanlu - ONE OF MY FAV SHIPS EVER!!! Their interactions!! >>>>>> - WE KNOW SANJI LOVES HIM AND ADORES HIM. WE KNOW THAT ALREADY YOU FRENCH FRY - He wants to be Luffy's special boy in the OPLA, c'mon, its so obv - Sanji gets jealous when Luffy compliments other cooks other than him, its canon guys, trust me. MOVIE 6, THAT PHYSILOGICAL HORROR MOVIE OF OP. *ZoSanLu/ZoLuSan -POWER POLY LOVERS ON TOP! -i love them. *cries* -I have 400 pages of fanart featuring these stupid boneheads. - they sleep together and Luffy steals all the blankets - Zoro will def giving them his earings. aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *LuKob/Koblu -Comfort ship of mine!!! THEYRE SO CUTE ITS ILLEGAL!!!! - I want them to reunite again, then hold hands and kiss eachother on the lips then go on cute little dates :[ - LUFFY IS KOBY'S GAY AWAKENING CHANGE MY MIND (i feel like hes more like bi or pan BUT) - Koby owns 6000 wanted posters of Luffy and its canon that he wants more of them. hes such a fanboy omg.... - If they ever date... they will have a matching handmade bracelet... Luffy's red and Koby's pink.... each has letters of eachother... - (ALSO THERES THIS FAV FIC OF THEM FROM AO3, THE AUTHOR IS okiedokeTM (madelinescribbles) AND THE FIC IS CALLED "Koby's Awful No-Good Very Confusing Day" CHECK IT OUT IF YOU CAN!!!!) - im very normal abt them (lie) *LuUso/UsoLu - Very cute ship!!1 - i personally see them as best friends more but its still verey cute! - They bond, they hug, they hit and they danced. yeah i get how ppl ship them!!!!!!!!! *LuLaw/Lawlu -Tbh.... its very cute! - i used to be obsessed with this ship bcs their dyanmic is so interesting, like Black cat and golden retriver! - i still kinda do ndcnas - Luffy reminds Law of Corazon bcs of his goofiness ughh CRIES - I hc Law that he has a soft spot for silly, goofy ppl, his sister, his crew, Corazon, LUFFY????????? He loves them but will never admit smh smh - When he ruins all of your well-planned plans that took you a whole week to make <3333333 *CobyLuLaw/KobyLawLu -AYEEEEEEEEEEE MY NEW FAV SHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!! - F**K BEING UNDERRATED, I WANT THIS TO BE KNOWN ACROSS THE WHOLE F**KING WORLD!!!!!! - PLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS ITS SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! U HAVE TO WRITE FICS ABT IT I NEED MORE OF IT!!!1 - I want to thank @orange-artist for drawing and having KobyLawLu on my breakfast table!!!!!!!!!! - AND FOR YOU THE PPL WHO WRITE THE FICS ILY - me omw to make brainrots of these three stupid peas in a pod, fishes in a bowl, pens in a pencilcase :]]]

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

The cure t state of this fandom (*cough cough, post atyd) makes me sad and this fandom mainly doesnt vring me joy anymore (except for ur blog) now the only thing that makes me stay or interact is regulus being a loser truthers, Sirius black in general (canon nor fanon) and my newest obsession: Fem! Marauders (like whole genderbend of everyone!!!) Do u have any hcs?? My personal faves are short haired Sirius, crazy long hair remus, fem jock James (like playing sports in mini skirts and stuff), peter in cute floral cardigans that she crocheted, transfem regulus (who's sirius's loser little sister) maxi skirt goth sev and sm more!!!! Uf love to hear your ideas ♡

HELP yes yes yes anon ily these are ? so cute ? i love this sm !!! dream ask. um the before is all very very true too like FUCK FANON & loser regulus is the only regulus

fem sirius my bbygirl i LOVE HER !!!! yes yes yes but (much like male sirius) i hc her to have super long hair (hip length) till like she runs away and is at james' place where she gets a buzzcut (mommy issues) and like yes. she keeps it super cropped and CLOTHES !!! she has all clothes . she will show up to get coffee with you in a floor length gown. "i had it lying around :/". babe how do simply you have that lying around. but like grr i do love her in formal wear, not a lot of revealing clothing but like very hot yk. im thinking lots of purples. dark dark purples that almost look like black. also im getting a strong vivienne westwood vibe. oh and jewellery !!! silver girly (obv). statement rings !!!!! she's also very pierced like full ears lip eyebrow nose or septum idk naval maybe nipples when shes older . as for make up its like. dark lipstick w nothing else or dark eye make up w nothing else. i cant decide. 2492 tattoos.

REMUS !!! LUPIN !!! IS !!! WHIMSIGOTH !!! but not purples and blacks. greens and browns. brown leather shoes . long long skirts. she has a skirt collection. its insane. it would be a rare sight to see her in a pants. lots of layering, too !!! she runs cold and will wear 3 shirts and 3 skirts . they all look ugly but once she puts them on its gorgeous. ALSO JEWELLERY !!!!!!!!!!!! she has so much jewelry. accessories in general. she is knee deep in poverty and it because she has 4927 belts and bags and necklaces and rings and bracelets and earrings and body jewelry. not any piercings except her basic ear piercing, though. (shes scared of needles). ALSO HER W CRAZY LONG HAIR ?? yum. delicious. she has like curly hair (2b/2c) and its frizzy because she never takes care of it and its REALLY long like goes to her waist and to her knees when straightened and its like freaky. she doesnt like straightening her hair because she likes the crazy witch look. i love this. also she has moles. idk if male remus does but female remus lupin does and i know this because i kiss them every night before i go to bed.

fem jock james fem jock james fem jock james. shed bedazzle her quidditch jerseys (her mom would) (she can't sow) and wear tiny shorts for reasons that are Definitely Not Slutty. also !! she wears sarees . all the time. and you can see her abs and her BICEPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and she has like short curly hair and wears big winged eyeliner and LOVES highlighter like she is SHINING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! nude lipsticks w brown lipliner and KOHL !!! and male james has this too but important to mention dimples!! oh and piercings. a few on her ears (her first non-lobe one was in solidarity with sirius since sirius was doing it at james' place and was scared, but after they fucked around a little james really wanted a few more !!!) and a nose piercing . maybe a naval piercing once she's out of hogwarts. and ACNE SCARS AHHHH JAMES POTTERS ACNE SCARS IM GAY . also she also dresses like a homeless man. as in shell come in one day with a cute pink saree and her make up done and the next day in clothes that look like they belong to hagrid (size wise) or a raccoon (aesthetic wise). and um she may have a lot of clothes but what youll find her in most often is sweatpants and a SLUTTY tank top. (and spiderman sandals)

peter is fluctuates between romantic goth and cottage core. what unites her? corsets. she wears corsets. she will wear them 24/7 if she could (remus reminds her to not wear them too long!). she loves dramatic sleeves and hair accessories. im thinking mid-backish but she she curls them often so they sit a bit below her shoulders. hair accessories shes a sucker for flowers, dried or fresh depending on the aesthetic. also !! flared jeans. made for her. flared jeans with embroidery and she has all her friends' initials or like a moon and antlers and a paw print yk for her girlss !! ALSO very good at make up. eye make up in particular. she taught sirius how to do her make up and before peter got into goth culture herself shed dress sirius up ("i am not your dress up doll!" "but youre pretty like one" "STOP TRYING TO WOO ME!!!!"). fake freckles because hers fade in the winter. bangs era never faded.

LOSER REGULUS YUMMY. copied every single outfit sirius wore for like YEARS till sirius screamed and cried and hit her. parents thought her want to wear feminine clothing was because she wanted to be like her sister. shes also very formal but, like, less slutty form fitting clothes + no piercings. make up is always immaculate. still steals sirius' clothes but is more subtle about it. screams when there is one (1) possibility that she may get a stain on her. hair is almost always up in a lose bun w some face framing. mascara blindness lowkey.

you raise me goth severus i raise you specifically 1920s inspired goth severus. pin straight hair that falls over her shoulders (does not grow further no matter what she does) (though honestly she hasnt done much). wears only black (shes dedicated). flapper dresses but to her ankles. flats or t-shaped heels. is naturally pale and makes herself lighter with make up so her black black lipstick stands out. she has naturally thin lips so she tries overlining for a while (epic fail!!). her eye make up is never as intricate as she hopes but then she finds out the beauty of VIELS and wears one always. lace headpieces she spends hours on, learning from her mother or lily, and shes so fucking proud of them yk. very intricate beading on her dresses!!! she does half them herself, she guys her dresses matt and makes cool designs on them (or at least she plans to, most of them ending up resembling lilies). long gloves !!! her hands are fucked from her potion work and writing and she adores long gloves.

i love these sm please 29484 more fun asks

[aurorawest]

Summer Reading Update (part 1)

Teach the Torches to Burn by Caleb Roehrig - 4.75/5 stars

This was a really well done retelling of Romeo and Juliet. I read another book from the Remixed Classics series, Dear Henry, and while that one was also good, it felt like it adhered too slavishly to The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, so sometimes things seemed to be happening only because they happened in the original. And I haven't actually read the original book, it was just...easy to tell. Teach the Torches to Burn never felt like that, and I loved how it fleshed out so many of the characters from the play.

You Should Be So Lucky by Cat Sebastian - 5/5 stars

I feel like tumblr sings this one's praises enough that I don't really have to, but—everyone should read this. Everyone should read all of Cat Sebastian's books. I think I liked this one better than We Could Be So Good, but that could just be because I've found myself becoming more and more of a sucker for sports romances.

Unhallowed by Jordan L Hawk - 4.75/5 stars

Sad to say goodbye to the Whyborne and Griffin series, but I already love this spinoff!

Soul of Ash by HL Moore - 3.75/5 stars

Crow's Fate by Kim Fielding - 3.75/5 stars

The Sleeping Soldier by Aster Glenn Gray - 5/5 stars

I sound like a broken record re: Aster Glenn Gray, but please read her books. If you like Cat Sebastian's mid-century romances (like You Should Be So Lucky!) you like Aster Glenn Gray. This one is ostensibly a Sleeping Beauty retelling, but one where the sleeper actually sleeps for 100 years. In this case, it's a Union soldier who is put in an enchanted sleep in 1865 and wakes up in 1965 and oh my god, it's so good. It examines racism, it examines toxic masculinity, it examines homophobia, and how same-sex platonic affection became taboo. I'm pretty sure this woman has never written a bad book, but this may be her best.

Alec by Kaje Harper - 3.75/5 stars

Artemis by Andy Weir - 3.75/5 stars

Oak King Holly King by Sebastian Nothwell - 4.75/5 stars

I loved this one! There are so many books about Faerie and they can be pretty hit or miss for me, but this one struck just the right balance of otherworldly, inhuman creatures and characters I could root for. Shrike and Wren were lovely.

Imperfect Illusions by Vanora Lawless - DNF at pg 56

Orchestrated Love by AJ Buchanan - DNF at pg 1

Razorblade Tears by SA Cosby - 4.25/5 stars

The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern - 5/5 stars (reread)

The Only Light Left Burning by Erik J Brown - 5/5 stars

Excellent sequel about what happens after you make it to the last bastion of civilization after the apocalypse.

Unwieldy Creatures by Addie Tsai - DNF at pg 12

A Nobleman's Guide to Seducing a Scoundrel by KJ Charles - 5/5 stars

Oh man. This may have displaced the Will Darling Adventures as my favorite KJ Charles book. Wonderful MCs, A+ side character arcs, and villains you really loved to hate. I rambled on a lot about this book to my wife after I finished it.

Stars in Your Eyes by Kacen Callender - DNF at pg 156

His Lordship's Secret by Samantha SoRelle - 3.75/5 stars

Us, Et Cetera by Kit Vincent - 5/5 stars

Cinderella retelling with androids but Christ on a bike was this a painful read. Really, really well done. Highly recommended.

Charming Young Man by Eliot Schrefer - 5/5 stars

My 5 star rating diverges pretty sharply from the average Storygraph rating for this book, and I'm not sure why, other than maybe people thinks it's PrObLeMaTic. It was definitely not a super happy book, though it ends on a good note (that's a pun btw!). I thought it was a great book about a period that isn't often written about (1890s Paris) with a fascinating protagonist (who was a real person).

Dark Heir by CS Pacat - 5/5 stars

It's a CS Pacat book; it's the sequel to Dark Rise; obvs I loved it. I don't understand why this series is shelved under YA except that Pacat's publisher thinks more people will buy them. This series is the gay Lord of the Rings you always wanted and somehow is an even slower burn than Captive Prince.

Of Knights and Books and Falling in Love by Rita A Rubin - DNF at pg 50

Cover Story by Valerie Gomez - DNF at pg 176

Letters to Half Moon Street by Sarah Wallace - 4/5 stars

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2023: #02 & #01 (Finale)

02. CZECHIA Vesna - "My sister's crown" 10th place

Decade ranking: 5/116 [Above Daði Freyr, below Käärijä]

Finland over Czechia seems like a no-brainer. Some midcarding bitches vs ~K*Ä*Ä*R*I*J*Ä~ come on, how hard can it be? Who is Czechia even for?!

ME, motherfucker. This entry is for ME, and FOR ME ALONE!!! and since this is MY ranking, that made the decision very difficult. It took me MONTHS to settle who to put at the top.

Vesna are often cited as one of the more overrated acts in the year. Overrated by whom? Who overrates Vesna? Isn't 10th a correct placement? i've met NO ONE who would even consider putting them as high as second? - and I obv don't count since it took me AN ETERITY to out myself as a Vesna stan!!

I'd counter that Czechia are THE MOST UNDERRATED by the fandom (not by placement - that is Slovenia, as always) and absolutely deserved all the good things that happened to them ^_^

So obviously, there are multiple factors at work here. The song is a fantastic earworm. Like, defo one of the best in the year? In terms of sheer replayability, "My Sister's Crown" is on the same level as "Edgar" (studio only :-/) and "Carpe Diem", and you know how much I value those. The song has four languages (including Bulgarian) and none of them clash. The lyrics are quotable and fun. This is a track with ATTITUDE and ZEST, that managed to criticize the war in Ukraine without beating us over the head with it via a poorly hidden, clumsily written political message. The song is SMART, and respects its listeners.

LOVE'S NOT A MONEY BAG BLOOD'S ON YOUR GOD'S HANDS YOU CANNOT STEAL OUR SOULS

However, going into the year, there were issues - Vesna were messy and dissonant, and the six girls often gave the impression of competing against each other for attention. They were not a UNIT. Although "My Sister's Crown" was always one of the best songs, many (including myself!) were sceptical it could come together.

And it did, spectacularly.

See, one of the things about this year is that the good performances and good songs were often mismatched. Albania, Estonia and Poland had great on-stage glam-ups, but they were severely hampered by the songs being what they were. Other countries such as France and Austria had good songs, but required really good acts to tie them together, and failed or, in case of say UK, has good acts that were performed badly.

If you made a Venn Diagram between the best songs and the biggest growers, there wouldn't be much overlap. Except for Czechia.

To quote Matteo Lane's pearl of wisdom; if there's only ONE GAY, everything gets done! Ahmad Malloun was the One Gay and channeled his bossbottom energy to fuss Vesna into shape. Suddenly, the girls were harmonious and disciplined and that made all the difference. Suddenly, Czechia had an act with a clear vision - Six women united visually through their outfits. Vesna had become a UNIT, united through sisterhood.

SESTRO KRASIVA OI TI SILYNA HOROBRA JEDINA KORONA TVOJA

It really doesn't get mentioned nearly often enough how amazing the Czech staging was. Sure, Loreen and Käärijä, both top notch. But this is my personal favourite of the bunch. It's a visually stunning, avant garde act that fits the music, that fits the thematics, that pulls you in and tells a story without overtly complicating matters. They start as a group of angry hexaplets and then burst into joyful sororian rapture at the end. The staging is both aesthetically pleasing and intuitive. They hit the gold standard for acts that everyone should try to strive for!!

There are times where I wonder whether I really should rank Vesna above Käärijä. My Sister's Crown fully morphed into a me-coded entry. And perhaps, if and when I watch 2023 again, I may do exactly that. For now though, I've decided against it. The argument for Finland is less complicated, so I went with that. And now for the winner of this ranking I am sure NOBODY saw coming ever:

-------------------------------------------------------------

01. FINLAND Käärijä - "Cha Cha Cha" 2nd place

Decade ranking: 4/116 [Above Vesna, below Chanel]

It's Käärijä, bitch.

I rest my case for ranking Finland first. I don't think anyone argues this as invalid? Good, let's pick it all apart because if there's anything Käärijä deserves, it is being talked about. 😉

So um, where to start? Maybe it's best to start with the song - "Cha Cha Cha" was that rare 1-in-500 entry. I always say that novelty always tends to become stale over time - once in a blue moon however, it endures. "Cha Cha Cha" is a novelty song that is also an excellent song in its own right, and it stil holds up very well. It's a fun song to listen to, even without all the circus and theatrics.

The circus and theatrics though, omg <3 Talk about a DELECTABLE act, once again. This is yet again an example of how staging compliments the song and makes it digestible. Cha Cha Cha is entirely in Finnish with only a few loan words tossed in - difficult to get into on paper. The staging however, brings the plot points home.

The song's about wanting to overcome anxieties to dance? So break from the crates

Confront the inner Dance Demons that harass your psyche

make your way to the dancefloor while dodging decapitation via errant wires.

and then, when you overcome all fears transition to that godly, campy key chance, ride your them, having overcome your inhibitions.

AND I GALLAVANT ON THE FLOOR LIKE A CHA CHA CHA AND MY ANXIETIES HAVE NO GRIP ON ME NO MORE

The act is BRILLIANT. The ballroom dancers with their creepy pearly-whites, the dorkopotamus choreography, the styling, the overwhelming sense of triumph once the key change hits... It's the same deal as Vesna and Loreen, just a handful of visual cues that visualize the song's themes (anxiety, rather than sisterhood or desolation) are easy to understand and don't further complicate matters. THIS is how it's done. This is how you Eurovision.

The magical ingredient that tied it all together was the man, the dad bod, the bolero himself - Käärijä. Talk about a personality so massive everything gravitated towards him. It's hard to put the extent of his likeability into words - he's just so disarmingly himself. The key here is that Käärijä doesn't see himself as anything special. To him, he's just "boy from Vantaa who likes queen Loreen". He's just self-aware enough to realize the effect he has on others, but not self-aware enough to understand what exactly endears him to so many people. So when Käärijä plays up for funsies, he magnifies all aspects of his personality which makes him... even more endearing. 😍

(it's the same magic dust that has people flock to Baby Lasagna this year, really.)

It's rare to have a contestant who managed to completely warp the meta around him to this extent. It's even more rare that the contestant in this position then loses the competition. I remember telling my friend André, who was behind on NF news, that Käärijä had won UMK, and he replied with an innocuous "great, I haven't been this excited for a contestant since Verka!". I think I realize in that moment, that was to be Käärijä's destiny. Verka was the Hot Favourite in their year, the breakout star of 2007 - and Verka placed second to a more competent entry (Molitva <3). It was in that moment that I knew that Käärijä's inevitable fate was to come second to Loreen.

And I feel like, we all knew deep down that was where we were headed. We all wanted Käärijä to win as much as we did, because we knew that he would not. He was blissfully cruising towards a loss, and that was too much of an injustice to accept it and not manifest a reality where he beats Sweden.

It even got to a point where some people are now retroactively trying push the notion Tattoo is better than Euphoria (that statement is more offensive than anything I've ever commited to print or speech, including the one time I called Lesley Roy frumpy on cam <3) and the best entry ever (excuse you?) largely because it beat Cha Cha Cha.

So if Käärijä is this great, then why the doubt? Why only fourth for the decade (for the moment)?

Well, it's same deal as Cornelia for me. The best live of Cha Cha Cha that we received was the first one, at UMK, and every other performance we've had since then was not as good. The one in Eurovision had terrible vocals and slightly less impressive staging compared to UMK. I know right? The ESC staging did MORE and yet accomplished LESS. They got rid of all the wrestling references? Where's the close-up at the end? The arena? THE LIFT?

Sure, these inaccuracies didn't detract from my personal enjoyment of Cha Cha Cha. They however did allow for Käärijä to fall behind far enough behind Loreen in the jury vote so that he could no longer catch up with her in the televote, like a death by a thousand paper cuts.

It was a great live, but it wasn't great enough to win. Eurovision Käärijä was not Käärijä at his best, while Vesna without question gave their best performance in the Grand Final. Hence my doubts.

However, I ultimately went with Käärijä anyway because he did something Vesna could not - he gave a concert in my city, and I attended. HE MADE ME LEAVE THE HOUSE AFTER DARK. And god, if you've not been to a Käârijä gig before, absolutely fucking go if you're able to - IT'S CRAZY IT'S PARTY is the perfect catchphrase for this hyperactive, sexually amorphous, adorkable gremlin.

He was his unadulterated self, slapping his belly only vaguely aware of his sex appeal, swooning over a group of Slovene attendees because they reminded him of The Love Of His Life Bojan Cveticanin, ripping one of his merch t-shirts in half and then wearing it as a jacket, airdiving a wayward balloon that floated its way on the stage. The music was also excellent. Exposed to to the FULL scope of Käärijäness, made all the good memories of the 2023 preshow flow back, how could I not rank him anywhere other than first? Maybe I will change my mind and rank Vesna first in a few years from now, but for now, let's savour him while he's still fresh in our minds.

REMINDER THAT THE 2024 ROSTER IS GREAT LARGELY THANKS TO KÄÄRIJÄ.

REMINDER THAT HE WOULD SO WIN ANY FUTURE EUROVISION IF HE WANTED TO:

(May I just name this as my fave song from the 2024 nf season MAY I????*)

He WAS 2023. He WAS Eurovision.

He may have lost the contest, but he has won life. (and paid his taxes.)

ALL RISE FOR THE BEST ACT OF 2023!

The RANKING (completed)

"Novo, Bolje" was my fave 2024 NF also-ran. Obv.

ADDENDUM: ABOUT ESC2024

Yeah, obviously i'm not going to do a pre-show ranking. With all the poison and controversy going on, it's just not the right time. I delayed this ranking specificially so that I wouldn't be temped to do the 2024 one later. (Unlike a certain broadcasting institution, I possess a modest amount of insight, foresight and self-awareness. 🙂 )

Hopefully, ESC 2024 goes down without too many incidents, and I'll able to start my post-show ranking the week after the Grand Final.

See you there, hopefully, if Eurovision isn't dead and buried by then! 💚

[tsunami-kelsey]

EDDSWORLD HEADCANNONS 💪

SHIPS:

TomTordEdd

MattJon

Markuardo

Patpaul

EDD:

– 5'11" (says hes 6')

– Pansexual 

– AuDHD

– Meladaptive Daydreamer

– Chubby <33333

– Brown curly hair

– Hairy limbs and torso because yes 🧡🧡

– Used to have deep brown eyes but they became bright green because of power edd

– Still has his powers, except he cant control them as well

– Draws as a job (is actually a very popular artist)

– Also works part-time at the Diner!

– Loves bugies

– Is actually very good with plants

– terrible cook, amazing baker

– Unironicly acts like a cat

– ls the only one with a healthy, living, loving family group

MATT:

– Gender-fluid! (mainly masc)

– Gay!!

– 6'7"

– ADHD

– Only drinks animal blood

– Hangs out in the bathroom while hes at the house the most (he has to look good😔)

– Can only turn into a bat on the 31st of every month (the date number he was turned :3)

– Likes to color!

– Being a Model is his job (he isn't popular but bro get BANK!!!!!)

– used to go to the neighbors house everyday to hang out with Jon </3

– May or may not have turned Jon into a vampire on accident... (dont ask)

– Used to be pale, and is now even MORE pale because of vampire

– ginger. he is very sensitive to sunlight and always has been, so he beings sunscreen and a sun umbrella with him everywhere

– has the best clothes ever, likes to hold fashion shows for the gang

– Color Blind! Cant see blue 😔

TOM:

– 5'5"

– Trans Masc <3

– Bisexual obv

– Has a band (Lead singer and guitarist)

– Makes Kandi with Edd

– AuDHD

– Has yellow teeth because ALCOHOL!!!

– HATES the noises of crinkling plastic

– freely shifts around the others because he knows even when he isn't mentally/physically there he wont hurt them.

– SHARP TEETH SHARP TEETH SHARP TEETH

– Wears blue earplugs because sensitive monster ears

– Has so many percings in insane

– Punk fashion!!

– Lacks empathy but ISNT A HEARTLESS BEING.

– Forgets to eat, shower, and just take care of himself becaus of his ADHD (he doesnt mean to)

– Very entergetic with people he loves

– Has a secret intrest in dragons and other things

– Has gone to concerts (MCR, Mother Mother, Rob Zombie, etc etc) with Jon :3

– Is actualy Jon's older brother!!

TORD:

– 5'9"

– Pansexual

– Surpisingly amazing cook

– Has tried human flesh before and liked it

– The real Tord died in 2008, the Red Army creating a clone of him and the clone growing fond of the other three.

– BEFORE DEATH: Dark brown haie, hazel/blue eyes, chose to not accociate himself with his parents (his father was a terrible person, like father like son am i right?) Mostly wore black and some Red, thin norwrigen accent

– AFTER DEATH / CLONE: light chestnut hair with deep brown roots, grey eyes, constantly talks about his army (where the clone was created, he doesnt have many memories of the tord before him), Wears more red and some black, THICK norwrigian accent

– Has more than 90GB at this point (ifykyk)

– Rebuilt their house with the help of the army's fonds, replicating everything as best as he could.

– Stayed with them for another 5 years in the house than went to command the RED ARMY

– Cold to people he doesnt know, entergetic and flurty to those he does

JON ( DECEASED . ):

– loved cereal, any kind

– never left Tom's side when they where little

– Had sevear anxiety

– 5'3"

– Pansexual

– Had like 3 tattoons, but he always hid them because he was scared of what the others would say

– Loved rock music, used to vibe to metal too

– Died when tord blew up the houses.

– He was in the hospital for maybe a week before he let himself give up.

– Had asthma and dyslexia!

– Loved to knit :3

– Had gotten turned into a little vampire by matt, but was never immortal (like matt)

– Hangs out with Mark in his little ghost form. He likes to mess with edwardo when he notices that Ed is feeling down

MARK:

– 6'5"

– Bisexual <3

– Make Up artist for movies and things!

– Married to Edwardo 

– Can see and feel ghosts. (this is important)

– Has prescriptions but he never takes them because they make him feel worse

– took Jon's death the hardest.

– A very picky eater

– Terrible cook (he tries guys)

– every letter from Todd is addressed to him for some reason

– HATES bugs. If he sees one he will shreak even if its a butterfly or something

– Actually gets along with Matt a lot

– Does Matt's make up when Matt has a show

– Amazing fashion but never uses it to its true potential 😔

– Works out a lot with Ed :3

EDWARDO:

– Has a pug named Dogwardo.

– Gay.

– 5'10" (says hes 6ft but than edd interjects)

– has so much beef with Edd that its concerning

– Dated Laurel and then went "oh wait im gay, mb bro" (she didnt care lolz)

– Knows how to control his powers very well, used them to complete dayly tasks

– Actualy incredibly clingy to Mark

– THE BEST FUCKING COOK YOU WILL EVER MEET, THIS MAN MAKES THE BEST FOOD EVER.

– Works full-time at the diner and works in the kitchen :D

– Best friends with Laurel and Honey :3

– hairy man /POS /POS

– Forced Todd to move in when Jon died (he needed the comfort but wont admit it)

TODD:

– Photographer! (get it? because he shoots photos? and tord- yeah you get it)

– Is Tord's clone from the labs

– much more tame hair, he loves styling hair

– adores birds, he has a pet paret named Lavender (or Lavie)

– The only straight one. EDIT: I LIED HES ASEXUAL 💪

– 6'8"

– Moved into the house after the explosions and stuff, took Jons old room but technically lives on the couch because he spends all his time there

– Loves to travel :D

– Tries to be best buds with his clone but fails everytime

– His outfits are much more well kept than tords :3

– Hates anything political

– Very fond of Laurel, thinks shes PRETTYYY :0000 (they never get together, hes to much of a wimp to even say hi to her)