#except for one of my doctors. she sucks ass

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

@dalucaprio would u believe me if i told u that tyler is one of my best guys 😭 yes hes a month late fixing my braces BUT he's the one who got me in to get custom-fitted braces, something TWO seperate orthopedists deemed unneccesary?

did i mention i literally cant take my braces off? like. ever? just to shower and thats IT. if i try and do anything braceless, it hurts, and that INCLUDES Just Sitting Down. i live in these fucking things so theyd BETTER be custom

(the braces im getting fixed arent the custom ones theyre a regular kind)

idk if disability services are just as shitty in japan as they are in the states but imagine izaya having to deal w that shit. did you know wheelchairs have to be custom made otherwise they can hurt? imagine izaya having to deal w that system. imagine him having to wait god knows how long for his shit to be made and then given to him. imagine him dealing w doctors not believing he needs the things he needs because he's "too young to be disabled," and how harsh of a blow that'd be for him at ALL. imagine him having to deal w bullshit for any other mobility aids or medicines he might need. imagine how out of control hed feel over his own health and his basic movement. imagine.

[lila-went-missing]

I saw you wanted req's for Clarisse !! and I had a cute (well I thought it was cute) Hear me out !! You're Percy's older sister but you've been at camp for a few years so you and Clarisse have had more time to talk and get closer, sooo coincidentally once Percy came and after he and Clarisse had their fall out she finalized the relationship (not to be petty but just to get under his skin a little bit.. but also she didn't wanna do something to Percy and have you upset with her and ruin the progress y'all made.) But !! Percy only found out when you guys were eating at your table and Clarisse came by and didn't say anything to him, she kissed you but as she was walking away she muttered a half-assed apology to Percy. Bro's dumbfounded but you break the news to him, and as the loving brother he is and the fact you and Clarisse have known each other it's only fair he happy for you !! (You keep him safe from her.) SORRYYY this is so long but Clarisse makes me giggle, I hope you're having an amazing day !

I've been so excited to write this but I'm also such a procrastinator so sorry if this took a long time to come out. You're literally so sweet I hope you have an amazing day.

Warnings: Mentions of blood and wounds, it gets slightly suggestive once but nothing happens, cursing i think, I'm not going to lie to you this sucks especially the ending.

This took forever because I'm the medically expensive one in the family and I've been in and out of doctors offices for over a month now. This isn't proofread, I trust grammarly and move on. I love you all so much, enjoy my lovelies.

When the Waves Come In

Being a forbidden kid was anything but easy. Monsters could smell you more than others. The gods hated you. Trouble and tragedy seemed to track you down wherever you went, and there was nothing you could do to stop it. The only perks? Having a cabin to yourself and being slightly more powerful than other demigods. If you were being honest, that wasn't really a fair trade.

Not to mention, the other demigods at Camp Half-Blood either hated or praised you. There was no in between. You were claimed only seven months after arriving at camp, this made a lot of unclaimed kids unhappy with you. Like it was your fault that Poseidon was kind of proud of you once? It's not like he's bothered to reach out since then.

Over the last three years of living at camp, you've made some decent friends. You got along pretty well with most of the Hephaestus kids, Beckendorf immediately taking a liking to you for your stubbornness. The Apollo kids liked you, they even let you help lead archery classes. But there was one person that you were closer with than anyone else. Clarisse. Your Clarisse.

You weren't friends. You were so much more than that. But at the same time, you weren't quite together either. It was very complicated. However, there was one thing you were both certain of, you like being near each other, and hated being separated. Oftentimes, she would sit at your table during meals, Chiron choosing to turn a blind eye. You would sneak her dessert every time she lost her privileges. You were her girl, that much, everyone knew.

When a new kid by the name Percy Jackson showed up at camp, you didn't think much of it. New kids arrived all the time, 90% of them never being claimed and getting left to rot by their godly parents in the Hermes cabin. It was sad, but it was the truth. You learned to live with it.

You assumed the same would happen to him, until you saw it. The horn that once belonged to the Minotaur. Grover claimed he had killed it with its own horn. Everyone believed it except Clarisse. You wanted to not believe it, but how else would he have the horn?

Of course, Clarisse being Clarisse, she had to prove that he was a fraud. The first time she did this, she was blasted by water into a wall, effectively shattering a mirror with the impact. She came to you, of course, a bruise forming over her stomach and chest. You were honestly surprised that she didn’t some internal bleeding deal going on.

“I just want him to own up to being a liar!” She ranted. “Is that too much to ask? I mean, he’s 12, he’s like 4’11, he has no muscle what so ever! How am I expected to believe that he, of all people, killed the Minotaur?” She paced back and forth over the floor of your cabin for what felt like an eternity.

“I mean, this kid shows up out of literally no where, and is getting all the glory in the world. Is everyone here really that blind? There’s no way he managed to actually kill it, yet he’s getting all the praise? How does that add up?”

You stood from your place on your bed, walking towards her and placing your hands on her shoulders. Your hands squeeze gently, trying to ground her.

“Breathe,” you whisper, “I know it sounds highly unlikely. I know you’re pissed, you have every right to be.” Honestly, if the only way you could ever get your father’s attention was through glory and winning fights, even then, seldom getting any acknowledgement whatsoever. You have to admit, you’d be pretty pissed in this situation too. I mean the only thing you could do to get anything, even an admittance that you exist, is immediately taken over by this random kid no one’s heard of? Yeah, she’s rightfully pissed.

“But I need you to breathe before you have a nervous breakdown, honey.” Your hands rub up and down her arms, feeling her muscles slowly relax.

“I wouldn’t have had a nervous breakdown.” She mutters.

“I know, but I might’ve.” Knowing her, the way she is behind closed doors, she most definitely would have. But you let her believe that she would be okay.

“It’s just not fair you know? He hasn’t done anything. Even if he did kill the Minotaur, there’s no way he wasn’t running purely on adrenaline and rage. He wouldn’t be able to do that again if he tried. He’s getting all of this praise, and for what? Existing? Being, not even a man, a boy?” Her voice is much much quieter this time, barely making it to a whisper. If it wasn’t for your proximity you probably wouldn’t have heard it.

“I know, I know, love.” You can’t stop yourself from wrapping your arms around her. “Just think, in a week or two, people will probably forget all about it. He’ll go back to being a regular 12 year old, nothing special.” Realistically, you know that sounds kind of bad, but what else are you supposed to say to her.

There was a part of you, no matter how small that part may be, that knew that wasn’t going to happen. Most demigods aren’t able to do something like that and live through it. But you knew he wasn’t like most demigods.

You knew he would get claimed, soon, most likely. From the moment you laid eyes on him it’s like you could feel it. What happened in the bathrooms only confirmed your suspicions. While you didn’t say anything to the girl in front of you, you knew who he was.

He was another forbidden kid. Not just a forbidden kid though, your brother. A son of Poseidon.

***

Capture the flag was the next day. From the moment you woke up you could feel the energy surging through the air. This was one of the most anticipated events of the summer. The only thing you really won was a party and bragging rights. I guess to camp full of the competitive people you’d ever meet, that was all you needed.

It was definitely all Clarisse needed. She loved to win and hated to lose, a trait she inherited from her father. And she’d be dammed if she was going lose another game of Capture the Flag.

That’s why you’re so confused when she tells you that she’s changing the plan. She never changes the plan, finding solace in a good strategy.

You understood more when she explained what she was doing. Revenge on the new kid for blasting her with toilet water. When you put it like that, it sounds logical. But knowing Clarisse, and knowing what you know, you can’t just go along with it.

“Clar, I really don’t think this is a good idea.” You both paced around each other in your cabin, similar to last night.

“Are you seriously telling me that what he did was okay?” Her voice raises with every word.

“No! I just- I have a bad feeling! I don’t want you to get hurt!”

“I won’t! I can handle myself, you know this!”

“I know! But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to worry about you!” Your heart beats out of your chest with every step you take towards each other.

“I can’t believe this! You really don’t think I can do this!” Before you can even formulate a response, she’s grabbing her stuff and walking out the door.

You follow her of course, yelling her name, but it’s no use. She doesn’t turn around. She doesn’t even pause in her steps. You watch her disappear behind the door of cabin five.

The door to cabin three shuts as you slide down it. Your head hits the wood as you lean back, sure to give you a headache later. You can’t find it in yourself to care though. A tear slips down your cheek. Then another. Then another.

You know it’s a bad idea. She will go after revenge. And she will get hurt. But you also know that there’s literally nothing you can say to her. You want to, but it’ll only make things worse. That's the thing about Clarisse, when she gets her mind set on something, there's no changing her mind. All you can do is patch her up afterwards.

The red team has kept the flag near the water ever since you were claimed. They made sure that you were never far from it, blasting anyone in the face if they got too close for comfort. You weren't going to lie, it was potentially one of your favorite things to do.

So, as per usual, you were patrolling the edge of the water. No one had really gotten close enough, which was very disappointing. Until the new kid ran out of the woods and immediately tripped and fell on his face. Your whole body straightens immediately, muscles tensing. You pull out your sword and move towards him. He probably doesn't want a fight but it's better safe than sorry.

He had a few cuts littering his arms and cheeks. His clothes were dirty and he was now covered in wet pebbles. You could tell that he was disoriented and panicked. You were about to approach him when one of your sort of girlfriend's brothers ran out of the woods after him. Miles. One of her sisters followed suit, Trinity, you think her name was. Dear Hades they're actually going through with it.

Clarisse comes barreling out of the woods after them. Before you can even think about jumping in the sound of metal on metal fills your ears. Swords and shields clash. A spear jabbed at his chest. Her spear. You wanted to get between them, help him, protect him. Even if he didn't know it yet, he was.

But you couldn't. Everything moved so fast you didn't have time to react before they were all rolling over the ground. The water fed off of your emotions, grabbing her siblings and ripping them away from the fight. But it was too late. You saw the spark come from in between them. You heard the wood snap. Half of the spear was in her hands, the other half in his as his body rolled with the momentum.

It felt like time froze for those few seconds. The water was still. The wind stopped blowing, birds stopped chirping. The air around you seemed to disappear. You couldn't breathe. All noises cut out as her guttural scream ripped through the air, lasting for what felt like an eternity.

She ran forward, grabbing the front of his armor and jerking him forward. The conch blew, the blue team ran across the river carrying the flag. She ran off into the woods, it didn't take long for you to follow behind her, grabbing the pieces of the spear as you went.

Before you fully made it away, you saw the trident above his head. That's the moment you realized that you should've placed bets. You would've made bank, but that's not really your concern right now.

You find her in her cabin, facing away from the door, sitting on the edge of her bed. If you look close enough you can see the way her shoulders shake. You place the pieces of her spear on a table near her bed before kneeling behind her. Your arms wrap around her front, pulling her in.

Her back rests against your front, her head tucking back into your neck. You feel the way her shoulders tremble and shake in your gentle hold. For a long time, she doesn't say anything. A few tears slip down your cheeks that you don't mention. You don't push her. It's very rare she lets anything like this happen. She feels like showing these kinds of emotions would make her weak. It didn't matter how many times you assured her otherwise. Sometimes you can't change a person's thoughts when they're the only thing that person has ever known.

After what feels like forever, she speaks. Her voice comes out shaky. It's the kind of soft you only hear late in the night after sneaking into her cabin.

"That spear- it was the only-." A sob escapes her throat and you can feel the way it moves through her whole body, consuming her completely.

"I know honey.." You whisper in her ear. Your arms subconsciously tighten around her muscular frame.

"It was the only proof that he could ever love me." You swear you can feel your heart shatter. You've never liked her dad, but even so, you knew how much that spear meant to her. Her fathers traits were very prominent in her from the moment she was born. Her anger issues kept her in trouble, never getting help. Never being accepted. Her father was the only hope she would ever have until she met you. But even then she was so terrified of losing you...

"It'll be okay.. I promise." Your words a hidden promise of protection.

You're not sure what happens that night but you know something changes. Her arms wrapped around you a little tighter. Her breaths came a little deeper, more relaxed. Your finger over more of her scars, tracing them with the delicacy that was only ever seen in the hands of the greatest artists. When you thought about it though, she was the only work of her art that would ever be worthy of such care.

When you wake the light hits the two of you in a new way. As if Apollo made Helios shine it on the two of you alone so he could write the greatest love hymns that would ever be seen by mankind.

Her siblings don't question your presence. They never do. Why would they when it's so rare the children of Ares are able to find such peace. So rare they can find such a level of acceptance within another person.

For a while you sit there and watch the golden light dance across her bronze skin. The way it shines around her face, the face you've kissed so many times. The face you long to kiss right now. You don't sneak out this morning, instead staying curled into her side. The beating of her heart threatening to lull you back into a peaceful slumber.

Then the conch blows for breakfast, causing her to stir. Her eyes flutter open, turning into pools of golden honey as the light swims in the sweet waters. A small smile creeps onto her lips as her eyes meet yours.

"Hi." You whisper. Your hand strokes over her cheek.

"Hi, baby." Her voice is as soft as the way she looks at you. Before you know it she's leaning forward and placing her lips on yours. It's the first time but it doesn't feel like that. It just feels... right. Something about it is so perfect. The way your lips fit together like long lost pieces of a puzzle.

"What was that for?" Your lips remain parted when you pull away. "I just, wanted to kiss you." She mutters in reply. A blush covers the expanse of her cheeks. You never thought you'd see her so flustered. "Can you do it again? Kiss me again?" She smiles and nods at your words before leaning in and pressing her lips back against yours.

They're soft and warm as they slide against yours. It feels like coming home after a long day of training. Your favorite person right in front of you with open arms.

When she pulls away, she's smiling wider than you've ever seen her. "I really should have done that a lot sooner." You can't help but laugh at her words. "I've only been waiting for four years!"

"Why don't we make up for that?" She leans forward, resting her hand on her waist and pulling your body against hers. A chuckle leaves your throat.

"Maybe later, right now, I really want breakfast." You peck her lips once more before rolling out of bed. "Come on!"

It's not long before you're both dressed and making your way to the dining pavilion. As much as you would like to sit with her, she's already on thin ice with Chiron. You take your time getting your food and burning it, not wanting to be separated until absolutely necessary. Eventually though, you have to part ways and join your newly-claimed brother at the Poseidon table.

"I'm surprised you're not more banged up if I'm being honest." You say as you take your seat. There's not a single scratch on him.

"Annabeth kind of shoved me into the water, next thing I know everything is healed." He answers, you can tell he's nervous knowing your connection with Clarisse.

"Perks of being Poseidon's kid, that and our cabin is a lot less crowded." He laughs lightly at your words.

"You're telling me! It's nice not sleeping on the floor." The both of you go quiet for a while, eating in comfortable silence. The breeze is cool against your skin, a nice reminder of the weather barrier. When you look up, Percy is looking behind you with pure fear in his eyes. You expect to be greeted by a monster when you turn, instead you're greeted by your girlfriend.

You can't help but chuckle at the look on Percy's face. You really can't help but laugh at his face when she leans down and presses a kiss against your cheek. "I'll see in training later, right babe?"

"Wouldn't miss it." You kiss her jaw before she turns and jogs off towards the arena.

"She- you-" He looks utterly dumbfounded as what he just witnessed. "What just happened?"

"She's my girlfriend, Percy."

His mouth drops open with the most surprised look you've ever seen. "Oh."

"Is that an issue?" You don't really care if it is, but you ask anyway. "No, no I just, didn't take her as the type to really date anyone." He answers.

"Most people don't, I'll do my best to keep her from pulverizing you." A laugh escapes you before you take your leave.

Life didn't seem too bad.You had a new brother, you were dating the girl you'd been in love with for years. You might even be able to convince her to leave him alone. You'll get her spear fixed as a surprise birthday gift.

You can feel everyone's surprised eyes on you as you walk out. There's no doubt the entire camp knows by now, and there's no doubt that a billion rumors will be floating around by dinner time. But there's a part of that just, can't find it in you to care. How can you when you have everything you've wanted right there in front of you.

[thewriterwithnoplan]

Ferrari's Fairytale (1/3)

Summary: World Championships are the most important part of any Formula One team's history. Except perhaps, Ferrari's. Known for their rabid fans, filthy-rich investors, and pretty boy drivers it shouldn't be a surprise that the team has brought together Soulmates from across the globe. And fate, it seems, is working awfully hard to put all the pieces into place for Ferrari's perfect fairytale - one that's been in the works for decades now.

[Part 1 of Pretty Girls and Ferrari Boys]

Soulmate AU: Soulmates share injuries and pain.

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Reader (Eventual)

Word Count: 1650

Warnings: Swearing, no Charles in this first part sorry it's his epic love story and those take time ;)

Masterlist

There was something wrong with your soulmate.

Really there had been something wrong with them since you were eight years old. But right now, there was something particularly wrong with them.

“Just some bruising over the ribcage, but no actual damage internally.” The medic presses a latex covered hand gently against your ribs.

“They feel broken.” You suck in a pained breath and glare over her shoulder, at the little framed picture of her cat, Terror, on her desk. “You’re sure I’m not about to sneeze and puncture a lung?”

“Funny.” Though the look she gives you as she pulls off her gloves is less than amused. “Which one of us went to medical school again?”

“My best friend. You might know her. She’s stunning, generous, gives me free check-ups, did I say stunning? Goes by Sunny.”

“It’s Doctor Sunny to you.” She slingshots one of the gloves at you. “But it’s good to know you only keep me around for the free check-ups.”

“My soulmate would bankrupt me without you.”

Sunny taps at her computer, “The fee isn’t that high.”

“Sure,” You shrug. “If you aren’t in here every other week.”

“Have we ruled out hitman as their profession?”

“Since we were eight?”

“I don’t know much about hitmen, maybe they start them young.”

You lower yourself carefully from the observation table and move stiffly toward her desk. “Give it to me straight Doc. How much longer have I got?”

“I’m afraid you’ll live, ma’am.” Sunny doesn’t even look up. “A tragedy for all, I know. I can give you a moment if you need time to process– Ow! Bitch.”

She rubs at her shoulder and huffs.

“I’m going to have to log that in the database, you know.” She says.

“Good, maybe we can both find our soulmates and be done with it all.”

“Real romantic, dude.”

“Your soulmate hasn’t been terrorising you since you were a kid.”

“I had my fair share of scraped knees,” Sunny wrinkles her nose when you stick your tongue out. “You do know it won’t stop after the two of you meet, right? That’s a schoolyard myth.”

“After the talking to I’m going to give him, you bet your perky ass it’s going to stop.”

“That’s the second instance of workplace harassment I’ve coped from you in the last minute.”

“Fine. Your ass is not perky.”

“Mature.” She hums, “What time did you say the pain started?”

“Ten-thirty-ish?”

“All good then.” Sunny makes a few more clicks before powering down her computer. “Your chest and my arm, all nice and logged.”

“You know, sometimes I think you became a Match Medic specifically so you could put every little thing into the database to make it easier to find your soulmate.”

“Perks of the job.” She scoops up her handbag. “Come on, let’s bounce before the front desk starts scheduling over my lunch break.”

“You remember how I said you were stunning and generous and stunning?”

“I’m not buying you lunch.”

“Could this week get any worse?” You throw your head back dramatically.

Sunny cracks a smile at your antics, “Only a few more hours and we’re free for the weekend.”

“Are we still on for pamper-night tonight?”

“Always. Mine or yours?”

You end up spending the night in Sunny’s apartment, covered in different rejuvenating oils and masks until you look like low-budget horror movie villains. In your fluffy robes with The Princess Bride on in the background Sunny tries to teach you how to make Hainanese Chicken the way her mother did. Terror cries at your feet when you tell him he can’t have raw chicken. Sunny pops a bottle of cheap champagne that makes you both grimace and promise one another that you would find an excuse to get a nicer bottle soon. You take turns washing the excess from the face, foot, and hair masks off. Then curl up together on the couch, sipping broth, digging into rice and slathering chicken in Sunny’s family’s super-secret chilli sauce. You both fall asleep at a very respectable eleven o’clock.

So, it’s fucking strange when you wake up feeling like you had spent the night inside a paint mixer.

“Are you okay?” Sunny frowns as she stands over a pan of eggs. “You look ill.”

You squint over your coffee cup, “Soulmate is playing up.”

She plates the eggs next to a small stack of bacon before turning to put a hand to your forehead. “They shouldn’t be making you feel sick, illness doesn’t transfer like that. Are you sure it’s coming from them? Could you just be hung over?”

“It’s definitely him, third weekend in a row, like clockwork.” You take your plate gratefully, “It’s like I always tell you. It’s not nausea. It’s more like…”

“Impossible to explain for you and every medical practitioner you’ve ever seen?”

You groan, “It’s like my brain spent the night trying to escape my skull and the muscles in my neck were in on it.”

“It’s not unheard of for soulmates to feel the repercussions of an intense work out. There was this study from four years ago on high performance athletes and their partners that–”

You groan again, “Oh god and now there’s a nerd in my ear!”  

She tosses a gelatinous bit of egg onto your plate. It lands with a splat that makes you fake gag. “Oh, grow up.”

“You should be nice to me,” You lament, “I’m wounded!”

“Your soulmate is wounded.”

“And I’m sure their best friend is taking very good care of them!”

She pulls a face at you but still takes your plate to the dishwasher for you. As she’s rinsing them, she asks, “What’s on for the rest of your weekend?”

“I got a call from my parents on Thursday and guess what?” You sipped at the cold dregs of your coffee, “The dentist finally figured out which one of them the toothache is coming from!”

“That’s great,” Sunny’s smile was genuine. “They’re going in to get it fixed?”

“Tomorrow morning, both going under local anaesthesia.”

You hip checked her lightly out of the way to rinse both your cups. “You want another coffee?”

Sunny propped herself up on the counter, “My caffeine addiction is rubbing off on you I fear.”

“Listen, we have to get through the day somehow.” You coaxed the machine back to life before leaning against the counter to look at Sunny. “Anyway, my parents were supposed to go to this race tomorrow. Dad is particularly devastated and has practically ordered me to represent the family ‘at our home race.’ It’s been tradition for him and mum since they got married. It’s kind of a big deal for him. The man is obsessive.”

“My parents had something similar to say about our family legacy and studying medicine.”

“Speaking of… You remember all the times I sat up with you studying, or brought you food when you forgot to eat, or ran errands for you, or made sure you took breaks, or–”

“Fine, I get it, I’ll go to the stupid race.”

“Oh, how kind of you to offer.” You passed her one of the cups. “It won’t be that bad. Motorsports are supposed to be fun live, right?”

Sunny snorted, “Thank God. Motorsports? I thought you meant like a horse race or a marathon. I was getting war-flashbacks to track-and-field.”

You put a hand to your heart, “You were willing to relive cross country for me?”

“I was willing to ogle fit, sweaty men for you, definitely.”

“Alright, first of all – fuck you. But also same,” You clinked mugs and nodded solemnly at one another, “Maybe we can find some fit, sweaty drivers to ogle instead.”

Sunny hummed, “What do I wear? Is it like sprint cars or more like V8s – ooh is it an illegal drag race?”

“Girl, no.” You swatted at her thigh, “It’s Formula 1, which is perfectly legal and safe and much faster than any of those options.”

“Alright, Miss Daddy’s-Girl, go off.”

“Shut up, I’ve had to hear him go on and on about it my whole life.” You pulled a face at your coffee. “The man has had a hard-on for Ferrari since before he met my mother, and then he met her in the Ferrari hospitality at an F1 race, and he’s fucking worshipped them ever since.”

“Oh my god, why am I only just hearing about this?” She grabbed your face, squishing your cheeks and cooing. “You’re a little Ferrari baby.”

You blew a rather unladylike raspberry at her and knocked her hand away, “Because it’s embarrassing! Dad was only there because he and his friend won tickets. So, when Ferrari marketing caught wind that soulmates had met in their pavilion, they practically fell over themselves.”

“Holy shit!” Sunny practically howled in delight, “Is that where all those baby pictures of you in little Ferrari onesies came from?”

“Ferrari’s own little fairytale, Mr-won-his-way-in and Miss-heir-to-a-real-estate-monopoly. It's like Romeo and Juliet; if Romeo and Juliet survived, had a kid and decided to make it the poster child of their love story.”

“Don’t sound so disgusted, that’s cute as fuck.” Sunny snatches up your empty cup and stacks it next to hers in the dishwasher.

You frown, “Not everything has to be a love story.”

“I don’t know, girl, I’m pretty sure you just asked me to play out your parents first meeting with you tomorrow.” She winks at you over her shoulder as she heads toward her room.

“Oh, fuck off, Sunny.”

“I think this calls for new outfits!” She emerges from her room, towel over one shoulder. “What was your Mum wearing when she met your dad?”

“We are not reenacting my parents meet-cute.”

“Who knows, maybe you’ll have your own meet-cute with a certain pain-prone soulmate, hm?” In the moment it takes you to reorientate yourself after her comment, she’s breezing past you with a bright, “I’m having first shower!”

You squark in indignation. Like hell, you’ll let either of those things happen to you this weekend.

(Part 2 : Ferrari's Prince - 03.05.24)

[iheartcake123]

yeong-hu x f! reader

warnings: contains some spoilers from S2 Sweet Home

a/n: this fic will contain certain parts which happened in S2 but won’t be 100% accurate!! also i had to write a fic about this man, he IS husband material + if any of you have read my other fics you know how much i suck at endings so im sorry about this ending🤣 i hope you enjoy it either way though!!

Masterlist

everyday was the same thing, wake up, stand in line for roll call and do your part to help with the survival of the group. the crow platoons ensured safety but supplies were running low.

before everything happened, you were a doctor and had served some time in the military as a doctor too. you kept that second part a secret though. you refused to get involved with the crow platoon in that aspect. they were usually looking to get more people with military experience to join them.

you were quite happy just being like everyone else and doing doctor duties when people really needed it. supplies were always low for what you did and you found yourself just making do with anything.

the morning started like all others. people doing little things they were assigned to do. then the announcement for roll call was made and you lined up with everyone. the crow platoon were going on an expedition for more supplies.

everyone stood in line as members of the crow platoon did their checks. they needed to make sure everyone was accounted for before they left.

you were stood with yeong-su and jin-ok. yeong-su had a baseball in his hand and was throwing it up and down.

“you should stop before they see” you told yeong-su to which he rolled his eyes and continued throwing his ball, that was until he dropped it.

the sound of the ball rolling seemed to be the only sound until it came to a stop. it had hit the shoes of one of the crow platoon soldiers. the soldier u-seok picked the ball up and yeong-su started to get upset.

“give it back to me! give it back!” yeong-su complained trying to reach up and grab the ball but the soldier held it higher.

suddenly, then the soldier grabbed a hold of yeong-su’ arm and held it in place.

“when did he get this scar?” u-seok questioned.

“it’s from last night” jin-ok chimed in and began to hold onto yeong-su.

“it looks fresher than that” u-seok tightened his grip on the young boy.

“sir, it doesn’t seem serious” the other soldier chan-young said looking between the two.

“what would you know about it? we have to be sure” u-seok then took out his knife and tried to cut yeong-su.

“just. just let him go. he’s just a child..ok?” jin-ok held yeong-su protectively.

“kids can be monsters too. there’s no exceptions”

“then let jin-ok do it herself” you stepped forward and jin-ok nodded profusely.

“yes, i’ll do it myself” jin-ok addded.

“you should’ve done it last night” the soldier then tried to cut yeong-su.

before he could make contact with the young boys skin, you stopped him. you stood forward and held onto the knife. your hand wrapped around the sharp blade and you did a manoeuvre to get the knife from the guard.

you held the knife up to his throat, your hand was covered in blood but you didn’t care. u-seok was acting like an ass and needed to be taught a lesson.

“maybe you should start doing your job properly and focus on more important things like getting more medical supplies rather than picking on a little kid” you said through grit teeth putting the knife down.

“you think you’re so tough huh?” u-seok snatched the knife from you and then latched his hand onto your top.

“sir, we have other important matters” chan-young tried to step in.

“you finish up here, im taking this one to sarge. then we’ll see if she has anything more to say”

you then found yourself being dragged with full force through the various halls. u-seok kept his grip on you and even though you tried to push him away from you, it was no use.

eventually, you reached the area where the crow platoon gather together and get set up for their expeditions. the room was full of some of the other soldiers

“let go of me asshole!” you cursed at him and he then threw you to the floor.

you landed on the cold floor and winced slightly as you tried to get up. you hand was still bloody and sore from earlier.

“what’s this?” sergeant kim (yeong-hu) walked in, his eyes focused to you.

“sarge, this one here managed to get a hold of my knife and held it to my throat. she’s definitely hiding something!” u-seok said loudly.

“this isn’t how we treat people u-seok. doesn’t matter what they’ve done” yeong-hu walked up to you and held his hand out.

you glared at him before getting up yourself. you didn’t need his hand.

“i haven’t done anything wrong. your poor excuse of a soldier u-seok picked on a little kid today. so all i did was tell him to focus on more important things like getting more supplies. especially medical supplies” you defended yourself and decided to speak your mind. “we have sick people and they need treatment. honestly i haven’t seen anything this bad ever since i served-“

you soon stopped yourself after realising you had just exposed yourself. god, you only hoped he wasn’t listening to that last part.

“served? are you telling me that you used to be in the military?” yeong-hu folded his arms and you meekly nodded.

there was no use lying now.

“go get ready” yeong-hu told you firmly and you raised an eyebrow.

“for what?” you questioned. why did you have to get ready.

“just get ready and then we’ll talk…?” he looked at you and you said your name.

“y/n…” he then said before brushing you aside and turning to his men “everyone we leave in five minutes. be ready.”

you now found yourself sat in the backseat of a military truck with yeong-hu and one of his other men named seok-chan in the front. your hand was now wrapped too and you had your bag with you. your own personal knife hiding in the front pocket just in case.

“where are you going to take me?” you questioned.

“you suggested that we need more medical supplies, you must know where we can find some” yeong-hubanswered while looking at a map in his hands. he didn’t bother looking at you.

you were being weary. what if he was lying? but also why would they bring you? you could’ve just marked a map up for them.

you remained silent as you waited for some of the other soldiers of crow platoon to get into the other vehicles.

“are you dating anyone sarge?” seok-chan smirked “a lot of our boys are seeing someone on the down low, you know?”

“are you?” yeong-hu responded.

“i cant. unless you start dating, i can’t wreck the chain of command”

“i feel no need for it”

“is it because you couldn’t find the right person?..it’s just, well i’ve been thinking and i mean you’re good looking and a survivor, you’re good at killing monsters and as a leader. you’re a prize catch in today’s standards. so, why can’t you get a girl? don’t you think y/n?”

you scoffed “as if anyone would want someone as cold and confusing as your sergeant”

yeong-hu turned his head and shot you a stern look at seok-chan awkwardly laughed.

“she’s probably just joking sarge” he cleared his throat as yeong-hu glared at him “let’s just focus on the mission”

“good idea” you added.

-time skip (im sorry im feeling lazy💀)-

you hated to admit it but going on the expedition with the crow platoon guys was actually pretty interesting and fun. it was the first time in god knows how long that you actually went outside and got hands on.

it was currently raining and you were taking in every second of it as you packed the final bits of medical supplies you had found.

“thank you” you said loudly to yeong-hu and he turned to look at you “really thank you”

yeong-hu was just about to respond but suddenly a loud explosion was heard. everyone’s heads turned to where the sound had come from.

“that came from camp, right?” seok-chan said.

“we need to prepare to head back!” yeong-hu called out loud to everyone and everyone began to get into the trucks.

it was decided to draw the monsters away from the stadium. the crow platoon had a plan, the only problem was that they didn’t get you involved.

“give me a gun. i can help” you demanded.

“forget it. i let you come to help look for supplies, that’s all. leave the rest to us” yeong-hu then opened the truck door for you to get inside.

with a loud huff you gave in and sat in the truck at the platoon men did their thing. once it was over, you found yourself back at the stadium.

you followed yeong-hu and the rest of the platoon members back into camp. you held your bag full of medical supplies on your shoulders, already thinking of places to store your new items.

as you continued on, seargent tak appeared.

“ten hut!” he called out and everyone around you turned to focus on him.

“sir, what was that explosion i heard?” yeong-hu asked stepping forward.

“a women tried to run and triggered a mine earlier. it exploded before we could properly defuse it” sergeant tak explained.

“which platoon member was overseeing them?”

from behind seargent tak, chan-young had approached them.

“I was in charge sir” chan-young stood straight “im private park”

you liked chan-young. he was by far the nicest platoon member out of them all. you didn’t know him well but from what you had seen before, he didn’t have a bad bone in his body.

“it’s behind us now. we moved on” sergeant tak told yeong-hu.

“and the runner? removed. i assume,huh? park chan-young!” yeong-hu was clearly pissed.

“she was showing monster symptoms so we isolated her” chan-young said.

“isolated?” yeong-hu raised an eyebrow.

“i insisted we keep her here.”’

once chan-young said those words, yeong-hu lost it and punched him. he fell into some old metal barrels but stood straight after a second so, yeong-hu punched him again- even harder. chan-young finally fell to the floor and he received a foot to the stomach.

“are you crazy? stop!” you yelled pushing yeong-hu so that he wouldn’t hurt chan-young any further.

“you stay out of this” yeong-hu grit his teeth, his stare like daggers.

if looks could kill, you would’ve been dead.

he then stormed off and you shook your head disappointedly as you helped chan-young get up.

———————————————————————————————

over the next few days, you noticed yeong-hu around. whenever he locked eyes with you, you’d pretend to not notice and whenever it was roll call you’d hope that it wouldn’t be him doing the checks. luckily for you it wasn’t him.

you couldn’t get him out of your head. he’d made an impression on you. good or bad? you didn’t know which one yet. but it was definitely a strong impression. you knew that.

“come with me” one of the platoon members had come to grab you.

“what for?” you were curious. after all, it had come out of no where.

“just come” the member said and began to walk away.

with a sigh you decided to follow.

“through there” the member then gestured for you to go in.

with a gulp, you pushed the door open and stepped inside. and there was yeong-hu. he had his hands on his hips while staring at a map up on a board, his head flicked in your direction and he then turned his full attention to you.

“where have your friends eun-yu and chan-young gone? they’re missing from roll call” yeong-hu asked while looking you up and down.

“how would i know where they are? i don’t keep tabs on them” you shrugged and paused “but…even if i did know, what makes you think i’d tell you. huh?”

“y/n i don’t have time for your childish games. you need to tell me straight if you know where they went”

“i just told you. i don’t know. i didn’t even know they were missing…now, can i go?”

yeong-hu nodded his head and you kissed your teeth as you turned to walk out the room. you were then stopped as you felt a hand on you. the force of the hand made you spin around to face yeong-hu. he was closer than before and you gulped as he scanned your face.

“if you see your friends, you need to tell me immediately” he told you and you nodded lightly.

your heart was beating fast because of how close he was and his hand was oddly warm and soft.

when you finally left the room, you couldn’t help but feel hot. your heart was still beating extremely fast and you hadn’t realised before but yeong-hu was actually really attractive.

stop! you told yourself.

you can’t like him.

you don’t like him.

the rest of the day passed by extremely slowly and you tried to distract yourself by doing different chores. none of it seemed to work as your mind constantly wandered back to one specific person.

that same person also couldn’t get you out of his head. he was trying to focus on his duties but you were constantly lingering in his mind. there was something about you. he couldn’t put his finger on it but he knew he had strong feelings for you. he just didn’t know if they were good or bad.

you tried sleeping. but you couldn’t. instead you were stuck tossing and turning trying to force yourself. it wasn’t working.

after sitting up, you slipped your shoes on and made your way to the crow platoon area. there was only one way to get your mind off that one person. you needed to face your feelings.

you wondered back to the room from earlier. your palms became sweaty once you were stood directly outside the door and your heart began to race. with whatever courage in you, you knocked lightly on the door and when you heard yeong-hu’ voice. you entered.

“y/n, it’s you” yeong-hu was slightly taken aback “have you found out where your friends went?”

you shook your head “sorry, no. i just couldn’t sleep. im guessing it’s the same for you too?”

“oh uh yeah, there’s a lot on my mind”

a silence then filled the room. you suddenly didn’t know what to say. for a while you both then didn’t say a word to one another.

“i should go. you must have a lot of things to do” you awkwardly tried to make an excuse to leave and began to head to the door.

“stay” yeong-hu’ voice was firm and you paused in your tracks.

“what?” you questioned not daring to turn around.

“stay y/n” he repeated.

“i should get going.” you reached forward to grab the door handle.

without warning, yeong-hu stood in front of you and was now blocking the door.

“y/n, there’s something about you. i don’t quite understand it. even when you’re not there, you linger in my mind. i think about you and i shouldn’t.” yeong-hu’ confession caught you off guard.

“what are you saying?” you breathed out, unable to say anything else.

“i like you”

as soon as he said those words you felt a weight being lifted off your shoulders.

he had made it easy for you and your feelings towards him were now clear too.

“i like you too” you couldn’t help the smile that appeared on your face.

yeong-hu brought his hand up to your cheek and gently cupped up. he looked between your eyes and your lips for permission and when you nodded lightly, he leaned forward and pressed your lips together.

and for once everything just felt right.

[blouisparadise]

Today we have a rec list of bottom Louis fics where Louis and/or Harry have popular jobs such as firefighter, flight attendance, florist, and mechanic. Since we get requests for rec lists with these particular jobs often, we decided to compile them into one list. We're marked each fic according to which job it features. If you enjoy our rec lists, please be sure to like and reblog the post to help spread the word. Happy reading!

1) December | Not Rated | 1,924 words | 💐

Magic happens here, in December.

2) Pilot | Teen & Up | 5,279 words | ✈️

“We have fifteen minutes.” Harry glanced down at the watch on his wrist. “How fast do you think my tongue can make you come?” Still against the wall, Louis felt a shiver run from the back of his neck down his spine. In three years walking on moving planes, he’d never had such zero control over his legs. At least not until now.

3) Your Apathy’s Like A Wound In Salt | Explicit | 5,312 words | 🛠️

“What a fucking ass!” Louis shifts his body so he’s completely facing away from the scene. “I asked him last night to fix my car and he said he would accept a payment in the form of me sucking his dick. I guess he’s really desperate, I can’t believe him.” Louis rolls his eyes, finishing off his drink in one go. Niall shakes his head and shrugs, “I told you to ask any other mechanic in town but you didn’t listen to me.” “Well, I didn’t think he would fucking say that now did I, Niall?” “Louis,” Paige rests a manicured hand on his shoulder, “So, you’re saying you still wouldn’t hit it?” “My ex?” She nods. “Yeah, I’d still hit that. Except this time it would be with a car or a baseball bat.” Suddenly, Niall spits out his beer all over the table as Paige bursts out laughing. “Fucking ruthless, you are.” Niall runs a hand through his styled hair.

4) Oil and Lube | Explicit | 5,552 words | 🛠️

The one where Harry's a car mechanic and Louis' engine can't seem to stop revving around him.

5) A Place To Call Home | Mature | 8,113 words | 💐

The thing is, he’s pretty sure he’s found home in a person in his life, someone who’s been essential in everything he’s done since he was seven years old. Through every broken bone, through every breakup, through every failure; through every triumph, personal and professional, and every goal he has scored in his time in Man U, there’s been someone there for it all.  That’s his best mate. Harry. A twenty-two year old with the kindest heart known to man, a slow drawl that is entirely too endearing, with the dreams to open up his own flower shop. A quiet and earnest boy with those he doesn’t know, and open and honest and absolutely lovely with those he loves.  It all hits him, really, the night of their final game of the Premier League. Again, timing is not his forté. They’re gearing up, ready to hit the field for the second half against Liverpool that determines their ranking in the League, when his brain decides to come online (after seventeen years, apparently), and conveniently supply him with the revelation that oh yeah, you’re kind of in love with your best friend.

6) If This Room Was Burning | Explicit | 8,629 words | 🔥

Where Louis’ cat gets stuck on the roof and Harry is the firefighter who ends up saving her.

7) Decorated Emergency | Not Rated | 10,359 words | 🔥

So what if they kissed once. It was the end of a shift that had seemed to drag on for twelve days instead of twelve hours. Their doctor was slow and felt the need to transfer every single patient, putting more work on every member of staff. Harry was stressed. Louis was the one who crowded him up against the door in the break room. It was Louis' fault, he was always pulling shit.

8) Taking The Long Way Home | Mature | 12,499 words | 🛠️

Coming home from the beach, Louis' car breaks down and he has to call mechanic Harry.

9) Bloom | Explicit | 24,887 words | 💐

Note: This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

Harry tucks the flower into the top pocket of Louis’ jacket, patting over his heart just once. “What is it?” Louis asks, eyeing the sunny little yellow flower, a bit like a buttercup, “It’s lovely.” Harry pushes a piece of hair behind his ear and smiles, “It’s a primrose. I got them in this morning, reminded me of you.”

10) A Trail Of Honey Through It All | Explicit | 27,083 words | 🛠️

The boy in front of him, well really, the man in front of him, was like something out of a confusing wet dream. Built, tall, tan and muscular, his skin glistened with sweat after a long day of working outdoors with his hands. He was wearing a cut up old American football shirt, the bottom hem was torn and the sleeves were cut off to the point where the t-shirt was really just a loose tank top. The shorts he had on had clearly been full length jeans at one point, and were now just crudely cut off above the knee. His white socks were pulled up too high on his calves, and the brown work boots he had on were old as fuck, the leather peeling along the edges of the soles. Curly brown hair stuck out from the edges of his backwards snapback, and there was a smudge of grease wiped along his brow bone. The smattering of hair along his jaw proved that he hadn’t shaved in a week or two, the hair growing in thicker across his upper lip and around his chin. His sinfully bowed mouth was pink and plump, and Louis was suddenly hyper-focused on the way that he chewed at the toothpick stuck between his lips. He looked like he needed a shower. Louis wanted to lick him.

11) A Hungry Heart | Explicit | 27,601 words | 💐

Harry Styles, florist and Great British Bake Off contestant, loves many things. He loves his flower shop, he loves baking, and there’s also that little crush he has on pop star Louis Tomlinson. But when Louis arrives on set as the surprise guest judge, Harry’s worlds collide. Throw in a cup of cuteness, a teaspoon of teasing, and a pinch of pining, and there’s all the ingredients for an epic love story, or absolute chaos.

12) Tangled Up And Blue | Explicit | 30,159 words | 🛠️

Kai just shakes his head, making his way down the small batch of stairs with a hop in his step. “Have fun on your weird adult date.” Harry sighs. “It’s not a date.” “Dad, you already have him in your bed most nights,” Kai sings, walking backwards towards Louis’ car with an insufferable smirk on his face. “It’s not looking too good for you,” he shrugs, hands curled around the straps of his backpack.

13) You Wish I Was Yours And I Hope That You’re Mine | Not Rated | 31,259 words | 💐

“What did you wish for?” Harry blushes, “If I tell you it won’t come true…” Louis sits straight again, a cute little determined look forming on his face, “I wished that a certain curly ‘aired boy would take me on more dates because I ‘ad such a good time on this one. And that’s going to come true, isn’t it?” “Of course,” Harry nearly splutters. “Yeah, yeah definitely.” “See?” Louis grins smugly. “Now I told you mine and it’s still going to come true, so will you tell me yours?” Their wishes were different though, because whereas Louis’ wish was cute and endearing, Harry found his own wish rather embarrassing. But he can’t lie to Louis, nor can he say no to Louis, so he sucks in a shaky breath of air before he speaks softly, “I wished that I was brave enough to kiss you…”

14) Stay Until Tomorrow | Explicit | 36,766 words | 🛠️

There’s a dull ache seeping through Louis’ body as he wakes up; a mild headache from last night’s alcohol intake, a cramp in his right arm from sleeping on it weird and a familiar soreness between his arse cheeks that Louis fully blames on his lousy one night stand.

15) One Heart Broke, Four Hands Bloody | Explicit | 47,429 words | 💐

Louis’ life is really fucking dull until one day he happens upon the scene of a crime, as said crime is happening. A murderer with big hands and a charming smile somehow manages to change his life for the better.

16) Once Burnt, Twice Shy | Explicit | 52,644 words | 🔥

Louis and Harry are polar opposites in every way. Where Louis is a bestselling author from the city, Harry is a small-town firefighter who’s never left his home. Where Louis is spontaneous and spirited, Harry is introverted and calm, never straying from routine. When an ill-fated accident and an exceptionally intelligent tabby bring them together, they are forced to confront their pasts and forge a better beginning for themselves. Will sparks fly, or will it all go up in flames?

17) No Going Back | Explicit | 56,102 words | 🛠️

Sales reps Harry and Louis are bored with their jobs and their lives. After meeting at a conference in Cardiff they hook up, have a few too many drinks, and jokingly apply to become remote lighthouse keepers. Six months, just the two of them, looking after the southernmost lighthouse off the bottom of Australia. It’s not like their applications will be accepted. Right? This is the story of how one choice - a left instead of a right, a go instead of a stop, a yes instead of a no - can change the future forever and that sometimes, taking that leap of faith, is worth the risk.

18) Between The Sand and Stars | Explicit | 63,128 words | ✈️

When an earthquake strands flight attendant Louis Tomlinson on a tropical island, he’s got paradise at his fingertips - miles of sunny beaches, immersion in vibrant culture, and a beautiful seaside mansion to enjoy. Unfortunately, it belongs to the egotistical musician Harry Styles, whose incorrigible management can do little to hinder his playboy complex. Despite Louis and Harry’s abhorrent first impression, contrasting backgrounds, and tendency to bicker every time they speak, who says opposites can’t attract? Them, of course, because they hate each other … right?

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

[tang3r1n]

here’s my list of anime dudes and chicks who’d fuck with eating ass and why;

(tw, i allude to dark subjects at some points, please be cautious and keep yourself and your mind safe <3)

animes; one piece, jjk, mha, aot

sanji— he’d be weird abt it, too loud, too wet, too gross abt it, idk man he’d be NEEEAAASSSTY.

zoro— not weird but he’d be like…so in love with your ass. like you gotta beg him to touch your clit cause he’s so focused on ur booty

law— hrrngh. hnnngfh- mmmmph.. love him. anyways, another one obsessed with ass but he’d be that sleaze who licks from your clit to asshole. like he edges you by just licking long stripes from one hole to the other reeeaalll slow. fingerbangs you like a MOTHER FUCKER while eating ur ass tho, like the kinda fast that looks like it hurts but feels fucking fantastic

luffy— obviously. no duh. no shit. he’s feral with it, but like law he switches between pussy and ass.. okay wait nvm he leans towards ur ass more imo, more stuff to actually ingest ig

doffy— he doesn’t wanna admit that he’s so fucking into ass, like the sight of a lil booty hole and he’s rock fucking hard, so he makes it a humiliation thing. like he’s making you feel pathetic and horrible for cumming from your ass like his dick isn’t sore as fuck and he’s cumming dry.

i really wanna say shanks. i really wanna fucking say shanks…. i’m saying shanks. he’d be lazy abt it tho, mainly eats you out to get your ready for his dick ngl, more of an ass fucker than an ass eater.

KIDD. KIDD. ON GOD. he’d be like doffy except he’s open abt LOVING ass AND humiliating you. he’s so fucking mean and on his knees slurping and sucking and fucking. deco loves biting your ass so hard you bleed. he’d fuck dry. yes he would.

hrrngk- nami<3– yall i have a PHAT crush on nami.. obsessed with her being obsessed over her bestie. anyways. FUCK. GOD. she’ll never fucking tell you abt it, never ever, but you can always feel her thumbs twitching near your lil pucker when she goes down on you, BIIIGGG into spanking tho. bitch leaves marks through jeans.

gojo— it’s gojo satoru, of course he’s into ass. he is THE man. THE MAN. he’s gonna eat ass, he’s gonna eat pussy, he’s gonna cum in ur mouth and make out, he’s gonna cum in your holes and eat it out. nasty mf with nasty desires.

g-..hm..yeah geto— he’d also be a humiliator. he doesn’t REALLY like ass all that much, doesn’t mind it, BUT.. it upsets you, makes you all teary and squirmy and he DOES like that. spanks so hard you welt <3

sukuna— fuck off you know why. i-i don’t have to say anything, ITS SUKUNA

mommy— I MEAN SHOKO— big bad mommy dom who makes you eat her ass then shoved all kinds of shit in your holes <3 loves doctor play and ‘taking your temp’ the old fashioned way <3 (god spit on me…)

aizawa— UUUUGGGHHHH :( i feel like he’s one of those men who loves fucking ass more than pussy, yknow? he’ll shove a vibe up there, turn it on full blast, and make you sit on his face while he eats you out and fingers ur pussy <3 a true gentleman who cums hands free when you squirt on his face and squeal then draws you a bath <33

fat gum— too easy. too fucking easy, gang he’s another everything man, loves it all.

ende-hm. en. hm. lemme sit on it for a second.

HOLY SHIT DABI— oh such an ass fucker, such an ass eater. he likes it for the taboo, naughty, gross aspect of it. the more you hate it the more he adores it. OH LORD he’d burn lil hearts on your ass so you couldn’t sit, make you lay face down and naked so he can eat your ass out while you’re ‘healing’ (he’s gonna do it again when they’ve scarred over.)

MIDNIGHT.— shes an either-or. she’ll let you choose which she eats out but both holes WILL be stuffed.

miruko— ofc dude. like. ofc. she’s got this carrot dildo you see, BABE JUST HEAR HER OUT PLEASE JUST LISTE—

eren mf yeager, BOTH yeager brothers— zeke is just an ass man, nothing really weird, just loves bootyhole. EREN NOW. eren’s like sanji. like literally so fucking loud and so fucking annoying and so fucking GROSS. there spit and lube everywhere, he’s drenched, whined and cries when you don’t let him fuck ur ass

jean(?)— also cried when you don’t let him go through the backdoor:( he’s such a crybaby, fucking your pussy so hard you can’t breathe while his thumbs are both hooked in your ass, i bet that’d feel weird as fuck cause he uses them to pull you back in.

hange— another obvious gross one. they’d be..so hot with it. god. i love team ‘girlcock hange’ btdubs. they’re the kind to finger you while DEMOLISHING your ass, spitting on ur pussy and rubbing your clit to tight and fast you’re dizzy all while they try and dig their dick deep enough to punch your gut.

GOD I WANNA SAY FUCKING REINER BUT I DONT THINK HES REALLY INTO IT :(

yknow who is??

endeavor, i decided he’d be an ass fucker. ooohh yeeeaaahhh… he’s not weird abt it, but the SSSSECOND you say you wanna get your ass ate he’s tossing you on the bed and ripping off your pants. a snogger, shoves his face ALL up in there <3 another one who SPANKS AND SLAPS AND SPITS AND BITES. he’d be like hange, fucking the shit out of your ass with his.. yknow those like, big logs of ground beef you can buy at stores? enji, anyways, and he’s finger blasting ur cunt with two fingers cause they’re big enough that if he fisted you he’d prolly fucking kill you.

k done. can you tell i’ve discovered a new kink guys?????

I HIT THE TAG LIMIT LMFAO

[topguncortez]

What To Expect | Ch 8| A Jake Seresin Fic

Previous Part | Masterlist | Next Part word count: 3.3k synopsis: "Exes can have a baby, right?", a story in which Jake finds himself having a baby with the one person who can't even stand the sight of him. Slow burn, exes to lovers. warnings: pregnancy, cursing, mentions of infidelity, details of a mission gone wrong, death, PTSD, mentions of the Uranium Mission, tears, unrequited love, Braxton hicks, fear, Jake finally grows a pair, Bradley tho. . .

Jake didn’t expect to answer the door and see his ex-girlfriend in tears. But you stood on his doorstep, cheeks with pink tear streaks on them. You didn’t even say anything but Jake felt his heart break in his chest. 

“You lied?” You gulped and Jake hung his head in shame, “Why?” The second question was barely above a whisper. 

“I wish I could tell you,” Jake answered honestly. 

“Did you not want to be with me? D-did you fall out of-” 

“No, baby,” Jake stepped out of his house and grabbed your hands. He sighed and gently led you to the porch swing. He remembered all those nights where you’d lay in the backyard at your tiny base house in Lemoore, and tell him about the big country house that you wanted to have with Jake. You had fallen in love with Ally’s house in the ‘Notebook’ and wanted one just like it. So when Jake found his house here in San Diego, he made sure it had at least a porch swing. 

You still held his hand as you sat down next to him. You sniffled and placed your free hand on your belly, feeling your baby girl bouncing around. Doctor Miller said sometimes babies can feel your emotions, and you were starting to think she could feel that you were upset. 

Jake sucked in a breath and looked at you, “I didn’t tell you everything that happened on the Uranium Mission.” 

“I don’t want to-” 

“No, you need to know,” Jake said. You nodded and let him talk, “Rooster and Maverick got shot down while trying to escape coffin corner.” 

You knew bits and pieces of the mission from your father, Maverick, Rooster and Jake. Of course they couldn’t tell you everything because it was classified. But you had learned over the years where your dad kept his classified paperwork. And then Ice got smart and started making two copies, and blacking out any really important information. Jake had explained that “Coffin Corner” was where the true test of the mission would be. Bradley had explained the cuts and bruises on his body and told you that he had to eject and that he was happy to have made it home alive. 

“Somehow, when we sent off the tomahawks, they missed one of the enemy's jets. Maverick spotted it and he and Bradley stole it to fly home. Except, there were bandits circling the area the whole time, fifth gens. It was going to be a battle in an f-18. .  . it wasn’t even going to be a fair fight in an f-14. They somehow got in contact with the boat. I heard-” Jake shook his head, trying to gather himself. He sniffled and cleared his throat. You grabbed and squeezed his hand, “They were in trouble. They needed back-up. And I was just sitting there, waiting, and listening. I wasn’t about to listen to my team get shot down again. . . I couldn’t go through that again.” 

Jake wasn’t always the cold-blooded pilot that they knew him to be. The story of the air-to-air kill wasn’t as heroic as everyone thought it was. It was tragic and horrible and sad. Jake had witnessed his wingman, Rider, being shot out of the air, and heard every single moment of it. The screams for help as he was burning in, Jake trying to shake off his own enemy fighter, the prayer for God to come save him, and the goodbye to his wife and child. Jake had hardly ever talked about Rider, it was just too sad. But it was something that played in the back of his head, and was always there to remind him. 

“I went against the direct order to standby. I took off, no back up, no idea what I was about to get myself into, nothing, but your dad screaming in my ear to get my ass back to the damn carrier,” Jake chuckled sadly and you smiled a bit, “I got there just in time. They were out of flares, out of bullets. The fifth gen had missile lock on them. Maverick was telling Rooster to eject but he couldn’t. So, he pulled up as quick as he could to hopefully send them into G-Loc, so when they got-” 

A sob left your mouth as Jake recounted the events of the mission. 

“But I got there,” Jake breathed out, “I got there in time, and I shot the gen down. But that whole time, the only two things I could think about were Rider’s little girl, and you,” Jake looked at you, his green eyes had tears in them, “Miranda sends me pictures of her and god, she looks just like him. And I kept thinking about how she’s growing up without a dad. And how Rooster grew up without a dad. And that I wasn’t, I-I couldn’t be the reason that yet another child would be without a father.” 

“I wasn’t even pregnant then,” You said. 

“No, but it was going to be in the future. Not as soon as we thought, but that's how it goes. Dating, engagement, marriage. . . kids,” Jake swallowed, “I couldn’t sleep that night cause the only thing replaying in my mind was watching some little one, the perfect mix of you and I, receiving my dog tags and a flag with some letter from the Commander of the Pacific fleet. And I couldn’t bring myself to want that for you. But I also couldn’t break up with you either. So I lied.” 

You shook your head and stood up from the porch swing. Jake watched as the gears turned in your head about what to say. You were a lot like your father in the way that you went quiet when you were made, thinking of the perfectly calculated thing to say. Jake had only been on the receiving end of your anger a couple times, and it was terrifying. He would rather take you yelling and screaming at him, then nothing. 

Your hands went to your belly as you felt the tightening of your stomach. You closed your eyes and ran your hands over your bump, “Settle down, little bug, settle it down,” You let out a breath through pursed lips and looked at Jake. 

“Are you okay?” Jake asked, wanting to reach out and pull you into his arms to feel his baby moving around. 

“Braxton Hicks,” You shook your head, “I am too worked up over the fact that you chose to be a fucking coward!” Jake closed his eyes as you yelled at him, “You don’t get to choose what is best for me, Jacob. It’s my choice! MINE! You’re scared of never coming home? Well I am scared too! I am scared every single time you deploy that it’ll be the last time I ever see you. That my dad is going to have to come to my front door and tell me that you’re dead.” 

You could feel your stomach tightening even more, and your chest starting to heart as you paced. Jake stood up from his spot as he watched you. 

“I love you, Jake. I love you so much that it makes me fucking sick. Every rational thought in my head is telling me that I shouldn’t. That I should just leave you be and go with the safer option. To go for the person who wouldn’t let their fears get in the way of loving someone.” 

He knew you were talking about Bradley, and it felt like a knife in his chest. 

“But you don’t love him like that?” Jake didn’t mean for it to come out like a question, but it did. 

“No, I don’t,” You answered and Jake could tell you were telling the truth, “Because I am so stupidly in love with you.” 

Jake crossed over to your side, and grabbed your face, placing a kiss on your lips. You fisted his shirt in your hands, holding onto him tightly as if he were to disappear. The kiss was as if you were oxygen and Jake was running out of air. He kissed you passionately and held onto you tightly, feeling the baby within you kick around. 

You pulled away from him, and rested your forehead against his. You braced your hands on his chest, as his hands went to cradle your bump. You had begun to feel huge seeing your bump nearly double in size every week, but seeing it now in his hands, it looked so small. 

“I love you,” Jake stated, “I always have and always will. Hurting you was the worst thing I had ever done in my life.” 

“I love you too, Jake,” You said back, “But I can’t forgive you, right now.” You gently pushed his hands off of you and took a step back. The tears that were in Jake’s eyes started to spill down his cheeks, “I have to focus on me, and the baby. I can’t have you coming back in my life trying to fix things.” 

“I understand, but please. . . please don’t take her away from me,” His voice broke and it came out barely above a whisper. 

It was as if his worst fear was coming to life. There was nothing in Jake’s life that he wanted more than to raise his daughter. He would do whatever you wanted, but he wasn’t going to let you walk away with her forever. 

“I’m not going to,” You said, “I wouldn’t do that to you. But I can’t live here in this house with you. My dad has a coworker who has a rental house in the same neighborhood as them. He’s agreed to let me rent it out. It’s got an extra room for you to stay in when the baby comes if that’s what you want to do.” 

“I do,” Jake nodded, “I’ll stay with you. And I’ll help you move and set things up.” 

You smiled at him, “Thank you, Jake.” 

“No problem,” Jake said, “I’m sorry for hurting you.” 

You bit your lip, “I’m sorry too.” 

Jake stood on the porch and watched as you walked back to your car, and drove away from him. Once you were out of sight, Jake sat back down on the porch swing. He clenched his jaw and sniffled looking around, trying to stop the sob from leaving his lips, but it was useless. He held his head in his hands and cried. 

— — — 

Spring was probably your favorite time in California. The weather was getting warmer, the sun staying up longer, and the end of the school year approaching soon. It was currently spring break, and you had just crossed over the 24th week mark in your pregnancy. It felt like it was going to be forever until July came, but the end was going to be approaching soon. 

A week ago Jake had come clean about lying to you about the affair and Bradley had admitted to loving you. It had been awkward trying to navigate through all the new information. You weren’t exactly sure what to do or where to go from there. You didn’t want to lose either one, but you knew that you weren’t in love with both of them.  

“Where do you want these?” Bob asked, carrying in a box from the back of the moving truck. 

“Plates?” You asked and he nodded, “Set them in here please.” The WSO nodded and set the box down next to you in the kitchen. You began unboxing them to put away. 

You had finally made the steps into moving into the rental house in your parents neighborhood. The house was a cute little bungalow with a back yard and was close to a park. It had two spare bedrooms for you to turn into a guest room and a nursery. Jake had told you to not worry about setting up the guest room, that he could buy the furniture for it, but you assured him that it was okay. Besides, you had seen his subpar decorating skills. 

“I think this is all- whoa, hey,” Jake said walking into the kitchen, “Off the step stool.” 

You rolled your eyes and stepped off the small ladder that you had put in the kitchen. You put the plate down and then turned to face him, crossing your arms over your chest. Things with Jake had been somewhat easier in the past week than you expected. He respected your boundary of just wanting to be friends. He was just happy that you were okay with him being in your and his daughter’s lives. Although there was still a lingering feeling in the air of something unresolved, that neither one of you was ready to dive in and unpack yet. 

“I can’t put a plate away?” You questioned. 

“Not when it involves using a step stool,” Jake walked over to you and grabbed the plate from the counter and put it away. 

“Well someone is so rudely in the way,” You pointed to your bump and Jake smiled. 

“Don’t blame her,” He put his hand on your bump. 

“No, I blame you for putting her in here,” You groaned, “Is the air on?” 

“Has been all day,” Jake walked over to the fridge and grabbed out a water bottle. It was a pretty warm day for it being mid-March, and you were already starting to feel uncomfortable by the temperature. It also didn’t help that the house was full of aviators helping you move. 

“Ugh, it’s fucking hot,” You complained, “Can you do me a favor?” 

“Hm?” Jake asked. 

“Rub my lower back please.” 

Jake nodded and walked over to you. You bent slightly at the waist, bracing your hands on the counter as Jake’s hands touched your back. You groaned as his fingers started digging into the flesh, feeling the knots that were in your muscles. The back pain was the worst that you had ever felt, and Doctor Miller said it was because you were carrying low. When you were teaching throughout the day you wore a brace to try and relieve some of the pain, and sat down as much as possible. But sitting for too long gives you leg cramps. 

“Fuck, right there,” You breathed out as Jake touched a tender spot, “Ah, yes, fuck.” 

“Careful, someone might think we’re filming a porno in here,” Jake joked and you shot him a glare over your shoulder, “Sorry.” 

“Your kid is already being a pain and she’s not even here yet.” 

“Well she is-” 

“Do these go to your- oh, sorry,” Bradley said walking into the room. You quickly stepped away from Jake, and looked at the box in his hands, “It’s not labeled but it’s pictures and stuff.” 

“Uh, library room,” You said and he nodded. You sighed and looked down at the floor. 

Things with Bradley hadn’t been as smooth as you wanted them to be. The two of you had hardly talked and it surprised you when he showed up to help you move. It was like walking around pins and needles. And apparently the tension didn't just end with you. Phoenix had told you that Bradley had been more jumpy and irritable at work. He even lashed out at Mav the other day for losing a dog fight. 

“He hates me,” Your voice cracked as you spoke. 

“He doesn’t hate you,” Jake said from behind you, “He’s just upset.” 

“Yeah, cause he hates me,” You turned around and faced him, “He told me he loved me and I just ran. I didn’t even say anything or call him or check in on him. I’m a horrible human being.” 

“Hey,” Jake said, and rubbed his hands down your arms, “You aren’t a horrible human being. You are going through a lot right now, and he shouldn’t have thrown it all at you like that. It wasn’t fair. And he doesn’t hate you. I don’t think he ever could.” 

“Why are you being nice about Bradley?” You asked. 

“Because he means a lot to you. He always has, and always will,” Jake said and you raised an eyebrow at him in confusion, “And your dad said if we can’t get along we have to scrub jets with our toothbrushes for the next two weeks.” 

You nodded and tapped your hand on Jake’s chest, before turning and waddling down to your bedroom. 

That night, you had ordered pizza and drinks to thank the aviators for helping you move. Everyone sat around the living room, telling stories and laughing. It made you smile, like old times again. You couldn’t remember the last time you had spent with the entirety of the dagger squad, and were so carefree. Jake kept his arm around the back of the couch, and every so often would gently brush his hand over your bump. You had noticed in the past week, he had become somewhat obsessed with it. He had a hard time keeping his hands to himself. 

“So, have you thought of names?” Fanboy asked, “Cause personally, I think Michelle is a perfect name.” 

“Yeah, right,” Payback rolled his eyes at his WSO. 

“It’s better than Ruebenia,” Fanboy shot back. 

“Actually we have,” Jake said and you looked at him confused, “It was a while ago though, before this one actually became a reality,” He rubbed his hand over your bump, “I like the name Ruth Marie and Y/N likes the name Caroline Grace.” You were surprised that Jake had even said the name out loud. Your eyes cut over to Bradley who stared up at you, his eyes unreadable. You had always loved the name for a little girl for as long as you can remember. 

“Ruth, huh,” Ice asked, “Ruth Marie Seresin?” 

“Kazansky,” Jake said, and squeezed your thigh, “It’ll be Kazansky.” Another thing you were surprised about and blinked at the floor. 

“Are you joking?” Bradley’s voice cut through the air, “What fucking changed, Seresin? Just a few weeks ago you were yelling and threatening to drag her to court over her wanting to have Kazansky as the last name.” You sucked in a breath and shifted in your seat. Ice’s eyes went from Bradley to Jake. 

“Things have changed,” Jake said, “We’ve come to terms that we are going to be co parenting and I want to-” 

“Oh cut the fucking shit,” Bradley stood up from his spot on the ground, “Your trying to kiss ass because you know she’d leave your ass in a fucking second and take her daughter with you.” 

Jake stood up from the couch, standing toe to toe with Bradley, “And you’re trying to act like this baby is yours when it’s not. Trying to play happy family with my girl and my baby.” 

“She’s always been my family, Bagman. You’re the one who’s the fucking intruder,” Bradley shoved Jake’s chest. 

“Enough!” You yelled standing up from the couch, and pushing your way inbetween the two of them, “You two are fucking ridiculous! Fighting over me like I’m the last damn video game on the shelf. Newsflash! I’m not!” 

“I’m trying to help you see that Jake is not a good-” 

“I don’t care if he’s not a good person,” You sighed, “I have no choice but to work with him. I’m not going to take a father away from his child. You, of all people, should know what that’s like.” 

You closed your eyes in regret as soon as the words left your mouth. Bradley looked at you with hurt in his eyes. You clenched your jaw and looked over at Jake. 

“I’m sorry,” You said and Bradley nodded, “I just can’t do the fighting anymore. It’s not good for me, or the baby, and it’s not good for you two or the rest of the team.” 

You didn’t wait to hear if Bradley or anyone would say anything. You turned on your heel and walked down to your new bedroom and shut the door. Jake’s eyes looked down the hall where you went and then looked back at Bradley. 

“I’m willing to be civil towards you, if you can do the same to me,” Jake said and Bradley shook his head. 

“I can’t,” Bradley said, “I can’t do this.” 

And with that, Bradley left the house.

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[darlingsnow0]

hehe Katniss avox one shot that sucks ass

Katniss felt her body jolt back as sparks from the arena flew. Was peeta ok? Was he thrown back by the wave that had just went over the arena? Peeta, the name repeated in her name while she slowly faded into sleep, or unconscious? Could she say death? As her head and eyes got foggy so did the name but it stayed with her, stayed with her till she couldn’t remember.

As Katniss woke up the first thing she noticed was the faint smell of roses and blood and the doctors surrounding her. Was she excepting Haymitch? Or maybe peeta? Was her mother here or prim? They were both doctors, they should be here. No, a voice in her head says, no they shouldn’t be in the capitol. Was she in the capitol? She had to be, the smell of roses and blood, president snow, wouldn’t be in district twelve and neither would the capitol doctors crowding around her be either.

The dull pain in her mouth..what is it? Has she bitten her tongue? Why can she not feel her tongue? Was she put on so much morphling that she cannot feel it anymore? Or is it even still there..is it there? Filled with a new found, but dull panic she reached for her mouth only to be blocked by bandages and a doctors hand, slowly guiding her own back to her lap. She tried to talk, even if it would be muffled by the bandages but she couldn’t only weird guttural sounds and sharp pains. Was she an avox? Had they taken her tongue? Why did she feel so calm? Her tongue had been taken, she should be panicked!

The doctor which had grabbed her hand before slowly grabbed her hand like she was some skittish stray animal. He slowly pressed the needle into her skin and Katniss let him, if she fought would she loose something else? What happened to prim? Where was prim? Or Peeta? Were they dead? Were they dead because of her?

When she wakes up again she is still in the same room and the smell of blood and roses had grown. “Ah, My dear Miss Everdeen” a voice from besides her said, she moved her head slowly and she felt herself start to shake. Next to her was President snow, clean shaven and in a velvet red suit with a prim white rose in his lapel. And she had been promoted to dear Miss Everdeen now? Wow she was really in trouble huh.

He brushed a piece of hair away from her face faster then she could flinch away. She tried to ask what happened, where peeta was or finnick or even Johanna and beetee, or if prim was still alive but all that came out was guttural sounds and slurred parts of words. Snow looked at her delighted, like this was absolutely hilarious how she couldn’t speak. “You must be wondering why you can’t speak, am I right Miss Everdeen?”

She nodded, of course she wanted to know. “Well Miss Everdeen” he started, a smile still on his face, did he get another surgery? His lips look bigger then before “you do know what an avox is, am I right?” He asked and she nodded, who didn’t know what an avox was? “then I assume you can piece together what happened to you” he said. So she had become an avox, was it because she blew out the arena? He did say some districts rebelled because of her, was that another reason? Why was she questioning that, of course it was the reason!

“Not many are supposed to know this but, you set off a full on rebellion after blowing out the arena, revealed lots of undercover rebels as well Miss Everdeen” he said, his voice calm but Katniss knew he had to be seething. She just nodded, what else could she do? He smiled at her “You’ll have to learn to adjust to your lack of tongue now Miss Everdeen” He said before standing up and tucking a white rose behind her hair, where had it come from? But his thumb was near her mouth, she could bite him, should she bite him? She didn’t answer her own question before biting down on snows hand and he pulled away his thumb quickly looking at her with a slightly surprised face, she’d never seen that before. 

“That’s quite rude Miss Everdeen, I’d expect that from a young child, someone way below your age” he said before walking out the room. She felt bad, like a child scolded by their father but snow wasn’t her father and she’s surprised she felt like this, whatever drug they gave her must be messing with her head. Once he left and the clicks of his shoes disappeared she was alone, how does she live like this now? With out a tongue? Would doctors help her? Where would she work? For some wealthy capitol family, if the hunger games continued would she work at the tribute center? Helping others she might’ve known from district twelve, she would’ve done that anyways as a mentor but maybe seeing Haymitch or Effie or peeta worst of all.

Something moved, a sound by the door and tray of food was there. She slowly climbed off bed and walked over to the tray, a bowl of liquid was there. She slowly kneeled down and scooped some up with the plastic spoon on the tray, putting the spoon to her mouth and holding it there too scared to try it. She slowly put her mouth around the spoon, the feeling of no tongue, or the lack of tongue she had gave her a weird feeling and swallowing it seem harder then normal. She didn’t know how useful a tongue could be till now. No more singing for her, a voiceless mockingjay was no good.

[aleksa-sims]

RL Story

CW: Pregnancy, addiction

N. & I were in that drug clinic at the hospital, where I’m going to deliver. I had my usual prenatal check-up. I also asked the doctor for our babies sex. And yea, I was right! It's a BOY!!! 🩵Yeyy, I was so happy! I couldn’t wait for our baby to be born. And Nico was happy too. He was so excited. This time we could see our Baby really well on the screen. I saw his tiny hands, feet, his head and he also showed us his backside. He just turned around during the exam. Nico said our son looks like an Alien, because he had such a big head, but that’s normal, the doctor explained. And everything else was fine too. I was so relieved. I was always so worried about our baby's development. Those damn pills, yk? That’s exactly why I had an appointment at the drug clinic that day too, that was in the same building as the hospital. (A huge hospital.)

On my first visit at this hospital, 5 months ago, they told us what my treatment here will look like. As you already know, I didn’t like it! But I had no choice. I did this for my baby. Because IF my baby is affected by that Neonatal abstinence syndrome (NAS), he is in the best hands here. Her are the pros, so.... I just had to deliver at this hospital. (I’ve explained it all before and I don’t want to do it again.)

However, a doctor called me into his office/examination room, after I took a drug test....

Doc: Well! So far everything is fine. And after delivery, you have to come here once a week to get your pills.

Me: Yes, I’m aware of that. But how long do I have to do this treatment? Actually, I already have a doctor. Also I wanna quit those pills.

Doc: Before we talk about quitting, there are a few other things to deal with. Believe me, you don’t want to go through rehab after delivery. You will need good nerves! Heroin addicts never really quit anyway. And as for the duration of the treatment, we usually plan to accompany you and your baby here for a year. If everything goes well, you can switch back to your GP earlier.

Me: I have nothing against being treated here, I just don’t understand why a social worker has to accompany me? I mean those home visits. It's a invasion of my privacy. 😒

Doc: I’m not a social worker, I’m just taking care of your substitution treatment. And frankly, I don’t have time to argue with someone like you. My job is your addiction!

Nico: Your job doc, is to help and answer questions all day long.

Me: N.!! 🤦‍♀️...😬

Nico: What?🤷‍♂️😠 .. We're off the beaten path here. It’s unreasonable to come here with a little baby once a week just to get your pills. Besides, parking in this damn area is almost impossible or costs over 30 euros. I have to drive all the way across town to get to that hospital. How are you going to do this on your own? With a baby? I won’t always be there. One of us has to work. Abroad! But heey... maybe that social worker can help you and even pay all the tickets you need just to get here. At this... wonderful place.

Doc: Well-

Me: Thanks! Until next time, doc! 😬

We got up, heading for the door....

Nico: Now you're mad at me.

Me: No! Really not! You're right!. This place sucks! I’m sorry you have to come here because of me. But.... that’s the way it is N.🤷‍♀️.. You can’t talk to these doctors like this. Maybe our baby will need their help? That's why we're here.

Nico: This fucking doc can't help our baby. This guy can’t do anything! Except warm up the office chair with his lazy ass for the real boss of this.... damn institution. This wasn't even his office.

Me: Yeah, I think he just represented the doctor the other day. Anyway, once this is over, you can be.... mean to them! 😉I wouldn't mind.

This hospital is gonna drive me to hell!! 😒 Anyway! We went to my parents after that. I wanted to talk to my mom. I told her I was moving in with Nico.

My mom already knew. Nico’s mom called her and she also invited us all, my parents & me, to..... talk. 🤨 And Ana also talked to Nico & me. It was about Philip. Yep! Ana has seen Philip a couple of times during the summer. However, Ana has agreed to help Philip in court to get custody of Annabelle back. And she also needed Nico's and my help for this. So we’ll talk to Philip and help him of course. But what really was going on between Ana & Philip??? I didn't understand yet. 🧐

Also, I met Daniel. I was on my way home after work. This meeting was purely coincidental! It was not agreed between us.

The more shocked I was when I saw Daniel with another girl. I was..........just crying. 🤦‍♀️💔💔💔And since I’m such a jinx, he saw me too. 😖But the worst thing was........... I’m gonna do something unforgivable. 😢

Previous/Next

[tiramisuucakeee]

5. TOP STUDENT

twitter + written

!

"this is why you should have taken history" niki spoke to y/n, as they made their way to art class. niki chose his classes based on the common conception on 'which class is easy' and he was doing great. but y/n chose - most of them - based on what she wanted to study, and chemistry was very important to be a doctor in absolutely everyone's opinion.

"at least i have this class to balance my grades" she sighed, and then groaned "who am i kidding, i suck at art" she dragged herself inside classroom 06, where some students were already in. break had just started but no one wanted to be late.

"good morning mr. park" they both greeted the teacher, who was sitting on his desk at the front of the classroom, organizing some papers. he didn't look up, but only greeted them back.

niki sat on his desk - which had the other half occupied by his seat mate - it was the row diagonally behind y/n, both choosing the hallway seats.

y/n's seat mate was iroha, she was previously friends with her and that's how she met wonhee. but their friendship broke off years ago for some reason, though the three were still on good terms.

"okay class, let's start" mr. park said, as soon as the bell rang. he stood up and went to close the door, as some quick students made it in before he left them outside.

he then walked over to the front again. "i want you all to start sketching something until i tell you to stop, anything you want, the first thing your small mind can think of" he said, being met with students sitting still. "do i need to send you guys an invitation to take out your sketchbooks or?" he trailed off.

y/n instantly took out her materials, as did the rest. she flipped to the second page of the sketchbook, and got her pencil ready, starting a weird shape on the paper.

she was aiming to draw a cute gold fish, but it wasn't looking so cute, nor gold fish-y. it looked more like a bicycle seat.

"stop, everyone, hands off the table" mr. park interrupted, as the sound of pencils drawing stopped.

he walked to some tables, observing the sketches. "nice, i can tell some of you are really talented.. and some of you took this class because you thought it would balance your grades right?" he shook his head, and sneaking a look at y/n.

"now, switch books with your seat mate, and try to complete their drawing the best you can" he instructed.

for the next fifteen minutes, y/n tried as hard as she could to not ruin hers or iroha's drawing, but it seemed to not be working since niki was laughing at her every time she went to switch the notebooks.

"that looks like shit" niki threw an eraser at y/n, making her turn back to him with a scowl. "i'm gonna shove your eraser so far up your ass you will feel it in your brain" she turned back around to her work, ruining it more.

niki's desk mate wanted to laugh at the comment. hanni had never spoken with the girl, but she had seen her around a lot. she was one of the girls in school that she would 100% date if they asked her out, but the possibility of that happening was 0%.

hanni recalled the tiny crush she'd had years ago, back when they were still in the same classes. it all started in gym class, in the chaos of the locker room, when she realized she had no idea how to tie her shoelaces. her mom had always bought her those velcro shoes. y/n had noticed her struggling and came over without a second thought. she knelt down and took over, patiently explaining the bunny method.

but hanni couldn't focus on the instructions, her gaze was locked onto y/n's face, mesmerized by the way her eyes sparkled with kindness. all the words melted away, replaced by a rush of warmth that made hanni forget everything except the girl in front of her.

though that small 8th grade crush was long forgotten, hanni had learned how to have female friends without getting tangled up in feelings. if anything, y/n could be a solid friend or at least an acquaintance, if they ever actually talked.

y/n was the definition of social butterfly, effortlessly connecting with everyone around her. she wouldn't need to reach out to hanni for anything. if she wanted to chat with a female friend, she had wonhee, and for the guy side, there was niki. y/n had contacts everywhere, and people seemed to line up for a chance to help her out. she was just too much of a "friend crush" for everyone, and hanni couldn't help but feel a little overshadowed by that. she had always wondered how it would feel to be someone like that.

but for now, hanni was totally fine with just watching from afar people like that, smirking a bit as she saw y/n trying to draw a kangaroo. it was a total mess, and y/n's dramatic complaints when mr. park told them to switch books were hilarious. "i'm not done! five more minutes mr. park please! it's missing his whole face!" she exclaimed, and hanni couldn't help but chuckle, almost wanting to jump out of her seat and teach her how to properly draw.

"no, switch the books now" mr. park sternly told her, who stared at the deformed kangaroo with a sad smile, before trading works with her seat mate, who somehow managed to save the previous drawing.

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[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

A Strange Sort of Family

hi, resident evil fandom, i'd like to throw my hat in the ring

look, i don't even really go here, the fandom mold just got into my brain and would not fucking leave. this is my first time writing any of these characters so if they feel a bit rocky, please forgive me. my media analysis brain has been spinning nonstop since we started the resident evil brain rot and ho boy would I love to sink my teeth into a proper horror fic but! i don't know if i'm there yet so i figured i'd start a bit easier for me :)

also--we all know there's no way ethan's just gone from the franchise now, right? like, sure, he's dead, but he died like 30 minutes into re7 and that didn't fucking stop him

ALSO also big shoutout to @dragonsareaqueerthing and @greenninjagal-blog for the encouragement to actaully make the words go :) hopefully i'll be spending more time in this fandom now that I've got that ball rolling

Read on Ao3

Warnings: talk about events of shadows of rose dlc, nothing explicit, bullying

Pairings: implied ethan/mia/chris, but Ethan & Rose is the focus

Word Count: 10,919

You'd think after about 16 years of being treated like a child and the most powerful bioweapon the world has ever seen, you might get used to it.

Nope!

Not even slightly.

Sometimes a family is a molded bioweapon, a traumatized agent, a former bioterrorist, and a series of golden, sparkly words. Sometimes family is decorating your room with your mother, sometimes family is hugging a pillow because your dad isn't here anymore. Sometimes family is training too hard and going out for ice cream, sometimes family is a dinner where your parents won't stop teasing you.

Or, five times Ethan Winters was there for his daughter, and one time Rosemary Winters was there for her father.

1.

You'd think after about 16 years of being treated like a child and the most powerful bioweapon the world has ever seen, you might get used to it.

Nope!

Not even slightly.

Okay, well, maybe slightly, but only in the way she's able to shake off some of the lesser things that would've made her really upset before. She's no longer threatening the lives of the agents that call her Eveline, to her face or behind her back when they think she can't hear them. Even when she really, really wants to. Small victories.

But despite her best efforts, she still returns to the cell block of a room—Chris had been so insistent that it wasn't a cell, but it was all concrete walls and a tiny window and a camera that she knows is in the corner—and curls up on her bed, jamming her headphones in and refusing to engage with the outside world until she could summon up the resolve to impersonate a normal person again.

Today had been no exception.

Rose throws her backpack onto her desk chair and slings her hat over the hook, kicking her shoes off and collapsing face-first onto the bed with a groan. More tests today, always more fucking tests. Didn't they have every inch of her shitty, moldy body cataloged by now? She has half a mind to start making shit up when they ask her the same stupid questions. 'How are you feeling today, Rose?' Oh, you know, just getting stuck with more needles than a fucking porcupine, how do you fucking think I'm feeling? Yeah, no, no homicidal instincts yet, just had one murderous thought the other day when I was imagining mold eating the bitch who called me a charity case. Although I did go to the park after I snuck away from that asshole you have tailing me on Tuesdays to see if I could amass a mushroom army, how was your day?

A small laugh leaves her throat at the thought of the doctor's face if she actually did say that, but then she'd probably have two assholes tailing her until they deemed her 'no longer a risk.' God, they were supposed to be these super highly trained agents, then why the fuck do they suck ass at being subtle?

Turns out, even having mold superpowers means she still has to breathe like a normal person, so she drags her face up from the bed and doesn't even bother to fully get up to inchworm up to the pillows. She mashes her face against the slightly cold surface—honestly, the best part about this prison-cell-ass room was that the air conditioning was always on Arctic, so her pillows were always cold—and grabs her phone, squinting at the notifications.

One from school saying her group project deadline was coming up…something from some shopping website she'd logged onto out of pure boredom three weeks ago…and a text from Chris.

Rose sits up a little more and opens the text. "Overseas this week…sorry I'll miss the—you fucking dick!"

Of course Chris is working this weekend, of course he's not gonna be fucking here to take her to the cemetery—great, that means another two hours of bus rides until she can actually go see her dad. She swears he does this on purpose sometimes, how often does he actually need to go overseas for 'work?' And it's not like anyone else here would be able to take her, she's learned her fucking lesson about asking them for anything more than more fucking food. Not bothering to stifle her groan, she flops back onto the bed, only for her phone to clatter out of her hand and onto the floor.

Great. Now she has to move again to pick it up.

She decides that moving is actually not what she's going to do right now, letting one arm hang over the edge of the bed, her cheek scrunched awkwardly against the lip of the mattress. She tucks her face against the collar of her jacket and rubs her thumb against the ring on her finger.

"Sorry it's gonna take me longer," she mumbles, "I really wanted to spend longer with you this time."

Her eyes widen when gold sparkling words appear on the floor next to her phone.

it's okay

"What the—" she whips around to look at the door, closed tightly, and jerks back— "how—"

The words are still there. The words are still etched into the floor, right next to her phone. She should check if they're on the camera—no, they can fucking hack into her phone whenever they want, and she doesn't—she can't—if this really is—

Rose swallows the lump in her throat as the words shift and change.

you ok?

"I—what—how are—" she swallows again, camera in the corner of the room, "uh, M-Michael?"

A pause as the words reform: sure

"I mean, I—I know," she says quickly, "I know what—I know what this is, I…I remember, it's just…"

camera, I know

"How is this possible?" she whispers, not daring to move from her haphazard scramble up the bed, "I thought you were—I mean, at the end, when we, uh, did the thing, it seemed like you were…that you were going again."

The words sparkle again as she grips the sleeve of her jacket—his jacket.

apparently i'm bad at it

"Bad at what?"

staying dead

Another laugh chokes its way out of her throat and she reaches out without thinking about it, just to touch the words. They glow a little bit brighter as she touches them and the tips of her fingers glow. Almost as an afterthought, she grabs her phone and shoves it behind her, hopefully muffling the microphone and at the very least, getting its cameras away from her dad.

Her dad. Those are her dad's words, that's her dad, he's here, he's here.

"Are you—is this…are you really here?"

sort of, as the golden words swirl around, part of you

"What do you mean, 'part of me?'"

not a scientist

"You're the only other m—person like me I know, I'm sure it'll be fine." She can almost hear the little huff of laughter as the golden sparkles swirl again. It seems like it's the same as it was when she was in there, with her dad only able to say a few words at a time.

i'm part of the mold, just like you, we're sharing a part right now

"Are you always sharing a part with me?"

i wish i could, and she feels her chest hurt a little bit, takes energy

"I guess that makes sense." Her arm begins to ache from being so stretched out. "I really miss you."

i miss you too sweetie

Fuck, she's 16, she should not be getting this choked up over her dad calling her 'sweetie,' but fuck it, she's a mold person and her dad's dead, she's allowed to sniffle a little when those words glow warmly under her fingers. Some hysterical part of her wonders if he'd be able to give her a tissue or a hanky the way he gave her guns and chem fluid in there, but she scrubs at her nose with her sleeve and decides that it's enough right now that he's here, in her room, still calling her sweetie.

***

2.

She almost recognizes it the second time, a tug in her gut. Given that she's got her hands over her face and is currently doing a fabulous impression of an angry seal, it'd be harder for her to see it. Still, she can't help the dumb smile on her face when she rolls over.

bad day?

"Oh, you know," she mumbles, "just your average day of being a human guinea pig."

ew

She snorts, clapping a hand over her mouth to muffle it. "You know I get a look at their notes sometimes? That's what they call you, just your initials."

surprised they're still talking about me

"What do you mean? Of course they're still talking about you, you're the—" she cuts herself off. The golden sparkles swirl.

i'm the what?

"Never mind."

The floorboards wait expectantly, but she twists the ring around her finger, chewing on her lip. After another moment, new words appear.

can i help?

"With what? With the tests?"

with you

Another tug in her gut, this time at the fact that she can't actually remember the last time someone asked after her, not their biggest liability or their most dangerous weapon. She props herself up on the cold pillows—thank you, government AC—and sighs. "I'm just really tired."

i bet

"Like—are they bored? What do they get out of sticking me with the same needle fifty different times? And it's not like they talk to me about anything, they just look at each other and then fake-smile at me and they tell me 'you're doing great,' like I'm supposed to know what that means. And the other people aren't any better! They keep trying to train me how to do a thing but they're not—it's not like they tell me why we're doing something or what I'm supposed to be doing instead, they just tell me I'm wrong and that's it."

that sucks

She huffs. "You have no idea."

After a moment, though, she realizes that might not actually be true. From what little she's actually managed to get Chris to tell her, and what she can learn from Mom, they were both held in BSAA's quarantine for ages before they moved over to Romania. And if Mom knew about Dad's…not-aliveness way before he did, then they must've done some sort of tests on him too.

"Can I ask you something?"

anything

"Did they, um, did they test you too?"

The floorboards stay empty for a minute, but it feels more like he's thinking than it does him avoiding the question. Sure enough, after another moment, words start appearing again.

they did, they didn't tell me anything either, just that i was lucky

"Lucky how?"

to have made it, even when i didn't

"You did, though," she mumbles, fiddling with the ring again, "you—this part of you made it. Chris told me, Mom told me. You…even after you were…gone the first time, you…you came back. The important parts of you, they came back."

and i'm grateful for it, for you

"You're gonna make me cry," she mutters, scrunching up a little tighter.

i love you Rosie

"Shut up." It's empty and they both know it. A few extra sparkles swirl around and she could swear he's laughing. "I love you too."

Sunlight streams in through her tiny window and she finds herself looking at the way the leaves on the tree dapple the shadow across the floor. Part of her dad's words are still glowing. She looks at the nightstand, bare except for her charger and alarm clock, then over at the desk where her school stuff is, then at the dresser. She reaches out and touches the metal bedframe. It's cold underneath her fingers.

what's wrong?

"Nothing." The words remain and she sighs. "I'm just being mopey."

you're allowed to mope

"Someone at school said something today," she says before she can think better of it, and she winces at how young she sounds.

bullies?

"Not really, it wasn't even really about me, I just—it's stupid."

if you're upset it's not stupid

"They were just talking about this thing they got for their room, okay?" Embarrassment makes her curl her fingers into the loose fabric of her jacket. "It's this mirror thing that hooks up to your phone and lets you play music and stuff from there. They were just talking about it and I thought—see, I told you it was stupid."

There's another pause. The breeze rustles the leaves outside. The shadows dance over the walls.

do you want it?

"Not really…I don't like mirrors that much anyway. And it's not like they'd let me just have another thing that connects to the Internet in here." She glances at the alarm clock. "I barely got them to let me get a laptop for school stuff. I don't think they've got a 'Mold Bioweapon Allowance' in their budget."

The silence grows thoughtful. She turns her head to look at the floorboards again, watching the few sparkles there swirl around.

it's your room, they say finally, it should feel like it

Rose scoffs. "What am I supposed to do, walk up and ask them to sponsor a shopping trip?"

why not?

"They're not gonna do that. They're just gonna brush me off again or tell me they're busy."

you've tried?

"I told you, I barely managed to get a laptop, which is something I need to be able to do schoolwork or anything, even have a taste of what being normal is like. And even then I had to argue for like, ages, and I had to get one of my teachers to write an email saying that it's necessary." She swats the white pillowcase, bitterness seeping into her words. "Everything else isn't necessary. They're all about practicality, like I'm just some other expense they have to deal with."

what about Chris? or Mom?

"Chris isn't here. He's always off somewhere doing something or he's here glaring at me like I'm some stupid new recruit that he doesn't want to have to train. And Mom's…I don't want to bother her, you know? She's got her own life now."

she's your mom, come the words almost before she's done speaking, she'd want to know

Rose sighs, sitting up to lean against the headboard. She twists the ring around and around her finger, chewing on her lip. "I don't know. Sometimes it feels like she's…like she doesn't want to know."

Another pause. What her dad had said before, about them sharing a part of the mold—she can feel something in her chest. An emotion that isn't quite hers, something like a deep and exasperated sadness. It's faint, not quite enough to put words there, but she can tell when she needs to look back down at the floor.

she does love you, let her

"Okay. I'll try."

thank you

"Would you come shopping with me?" she asks, even when she knows the answer. "If you could?"

The room gets a little happier as the sparkles swirl around.

i'd spend all day with you

"What did you want to have in your room? When you were my age?"

telescope

"A telescope?" She laughs. "Did you want to be an astronaut?"

astronaut ew

She laughs again and the sunlight seems a little brighter.

***

3.

She meets Mom at a coffee shop near the big bookstore downtown. She's not wearing Dad's jacket—it still feels weird to do, even after Mom's said it's fine—but she has his ring on a necklace under her shirt. Mom waves her over to a table in the corner, nodding to the smoothie already waiting.

"Pineapple mango," she says as Rose sits down, "your favorite."

"Thanks, Mom." She takes a big drink, savoring the weird feeling the pineapple leaves on her tongue. "How're you?"

"I'm okay. Work's been getting busy again recently with the month's end rush." Mom swirls her straw around her coffee. "Did I tell you about this new thing our boss is trying to make us do?"

"No, what?"

"Apparently some young CEO in the area made it big on corporate social media about 'team building exercises,'" and Rose is already groaning in sympathy, "so he sent out this survey this past week about what activity we'd rather do."

"What were the options?"

"This group painting class thing, where we all paint the same picture—"

"Like in kindergarten?"

"Like in kindergarten," Mom agrees, "there's a bar-arcade place that's just opened up on the West Side that does private events, and then there's a good old-fashioned work dinner."

Rose makes a face. "That's it? No, like, crazy obstacle courses, or escape rooms, or anything?"

"We barely had the budget for the normal year-end stuff."

"So what did you vote for?"

"I ended up voting for the painting, actually—"

"What? Mom, that's so lame."

"Hey!" She jokingly flicks a napkin at Rose. "Lamer than the most awkward dinner you can imagine or sitting and drinking for a whole evening?"

"Isn't that what adults do? You sit and drink and talk?"

Mom sighs, shaking her head as they both laugh. "Yeah, well, I figured it might be better if we tried to do something that wasn't just sitting and drinking."

"I guess."

"Besides, I'm still missing something for the bathroom upstairs. Maybe I'll hang up whatever I manage to make there," she adds, winking at Rose.

It's supposed to be a joke at how bad at art she is—really, even Chris looked at her stick figures and struggled to find something nice to say, and Mom just laughed it off—but Rose's smile fades and she shuffles a little in the chair. She drinks more of her smoothie. Dad's words turn over and over in her head.

"Hey, Mom?"

"Mm?"

"Would you…" She fights the urge to reach for the ring. "Would you help me decorate my room?"

Mom's brow furrows. "At my house?"

"N-no, my…my room at the compound. It's stupid, never mind."

"It's not stupid, Rose," Mom says, picking up her coffee, "I'm just—I guess I'm just surprised. Most teens don't really want their parents anywhere near their rooms."

"Yeah, well, forget it."

A car drives by. Despite herself, she reaches for the ring anyway. Something warm pulses in her chest.

"It's just," she manages, "I don't really have anything in there. It's just the military stuff."

Mom's coffee cup hits the table with a thud. "What do you mean you don't have anything in there?"

"I mean, there's just a dresser, a desk, and a bed. And my little side table thing. They didn't really give me any—"

"How much time do you have?"

Rose blinks. "Huh?"

"How much time before you have to get back?" Mom's already getting up and putting the lid back on her coffee. "We're not that far from the big stores and I have my car."

"I, uh, I think I have a few hours, so—" she scrambles up too, reaching to grab Mom's arm— "wait, you're really okay with doing this?"

Mom pauses for a moment, then reaches out and covers Rose's hand with hers. "You're my daughter, Rosie, I'd love to help you decorate your room."

A lump appears in her throat and she swallows it down. "Thank you."

"Come on," Mom grins, "what are you thinking you want?"

"Uh, I was thinking maybe like a whiteboard? That way I could write down stuff that I might forget? Or like—a magnetic one so I could stick stuff to it?" She gets into Mom's car and they start driving. "Or a corkboard—I've seen a lot of people pin like, pictures and stuff to a corkboard on their walls."

"What if you get both? A corkboard to put pictures and cute stuff and then a whiteboard to write on?"

"I also want a lamp. The normal lights just make my head hurt. And they buzz, you know?"

"Oh, I know exactly what you're talking about. It's like the world's most annoying crickets, isn't it?"

"And there's no, like, in between! It's either no light at all or—"

"Or my eyes are being scorched out, that's right."

They pull into the parking lot of the store and get out, still bouncing ideas back and forth. Mom grabs a cart and they head straight for the stationary section and they spend about five minutes talking about the different corkboards and whiteboards. Then Rose decides she wants magnets so she can stick stuff to the whiteboard, then Mom spots a cute set of push pins, and then another mom and daughter walk by with one of those fancy photo printers that print out pictures from your phone like Polaroids, and they just have to get Rose one of those.

As they pick out lamps and wall decor and sheets that actually have some color, she's struck by how normal this is. She's with her mom. They're shopping for stuff for her room. They're freaking out over the pillows that have little penguins on them. She's actually smiling and laughing and she's excited. She can't wait to get back and put all this stuff in her room.

She just…wishes Dad could be here too.

"I think I'd prefer the yellow lampshade, but it's up to you." Mom looks up from the shelf to notice she's gone quiet. "Hey, what's going on?"

"Nothing, nothing," she says quickly, wiping surreptitiously at her face, "…just…I kinda wish Dad was here too."

Mom's fingers stutter on the box and for a moment, she thinks she's going to see those walls go up again, the ones that always go up when she tries to talk about Dad, but then Mom puts the box down and rubs at her wedding ring. She still wears it sometimes. Rose reaches for Dad's, under her shirt.

"I wish he was here too, Rosie," Mom says quietly, "he'd be so proud of you."

Rose swallows, and her eyes catch on a tiny monkey LED lamp further down the shelf. She picks it up. "I think he'd vote for this one, don't you?"

A hint of fond exasperation comes to Mom's face. "God, did I ever tell you what happened when he found out that you loved that little monkey you got when you were still a baby? He tried to buy everything monkey-themed he could find because he thought you might like it."

"Wait, really?"

"I had to get Chris to help me talk him out of buying an entire monkey crib for you."

Rose puts the monkey lamp in the cart. Mom smiles and they keep walking. They end up spending way more than she thought they'd be and sheepishly tries to put some stuff back, but Mom won't hear a word of it and bags everything up.

"Chris can help cover the cost if he's so worried about it," she declares as they pull back up to the meeting spot where the car is supposed to take Rose back to the compound, "anyway, all of this should have been done years ago."

"Thanks, Mom," Rose says, "I had fun."

"We should definitely do it again. I'll help you decorate your college dorm too."

Rose smiles and gets out of the car. It fades a bit when she sees Paul again, leaning against the side of the van with his arms crossed. She turns her back deliberately on him and goes to help Mom get all the bags out of the trunk.

"You're late," Paul says, like he has any right to sound like a smug, condescending asshole.

"By like five minutes. Open the trunk."

"What's all that?"

"Stuff. For my room."

"Well, I—hey!" Paul finally moves when Mom just opens the trunk and starts putting the bags inside.

"You must be the agent Rose told me about," Mom says, her voice saccharine as she dusts off her hands, "is that right, honey?"

"Yeah," she mumbles, "that's him."

"Paul," he says, "Ms. Winters."

"Mia." Mom holds out her hand and he takes it, Rose peering at them from under the brim of her hat. Her eyes widen when Mom yanks Paul closer to her, her smile fading as she hisses in his ear. "Call my daughter Eveline again and I'll break your nose, are we clear?"

Paul jerks in surprise, before turning his head slightly. "Stand down, it's fine, I can handle it."

"You can't afford to make a scene in such a public place," Mom says, her voice still perfectly even, "and Chris won't risk harming me or Rose. So you can start treating my daughter like a person or I can break your nose right now and Chris can clean up your mess."

Rose can't stop her snort as Paul sheepishly walks back to the front of the car and gets in. Mom watches him go before she turns around and says, loud enough for him to hear, "Make sure you send me pictures when you get it the way you want it, okay?"

"I will."

"And if you decide you want anything else, we'll get it next time."

"Thanks, Mom. I love you."

"I love you too, Rosie." She glares once more in Paul's direction before she walks back to her car.

Rose doesn't stop smirking as Paul drives them back to the compound. He slinks off with his tail between his legs after helping her get all her stuff into her room. She can't cover up the camera—and let them know she knows about it—but she can play her music out loud as she decorates, hanging up the little plants they found and pinning a few photos to her new corkboard. It still strikes her how normal all of this is, dancing to her music and putting up all of her new things, finally collapsing onto her now-colorful blankets with a laugh.

She texts a few photos to Mom, who responds with gushing reviews and excited emojis, before she rolls onto her side to look at the floor.

"What do you think?"

The words only take a second to appear.

it's beautiful, sweetie

"You were right," she murmurs, "it was really nice to let Mom take care of me a bit."

i'm glad

"Oh! I forgot to show you the best part!" Rose jumps off the bed and goes over to the far wall, switching on the fairy lights she hung from the ceiling amidst a bunch of fake vines. "Now the camera will just think the glowing is from the lights!"

Golden sparkles swirl beneath the soft glow.

you're so smart

"I mean," she blusters, trying not to show how pleased she is, "I was just tired of lying down to talk to you all the time."

i see, still clever

"Thanks." After a moment, she reaches over and picks up the little monkey lamp and her stuffed monkey, safely hidden beneath her pillows. "Mom told me you wanted to buy a monkey crib for me."

it would go with the onesie

"You got me a monkey onesie?"

mom has pictures

"I'll have to ask her next time." She chews on her lip, running her fingers over the seams of the monkey's ear. "I wish you could've been there."

me too

"Mom threatened to break Paul's nose if he was rude to me again." The light swirls as Dad laughs and she laughs too. "I'd kick him in the nuts too."

that's my girl

***

4.

"Stupid fucking dickhead," she spits as she slams the door, throwing her backpack onto the chair so hard it scrapes across the floor. "Fucking asshole! I'll fucking rip his head off, the fucking bastard!"

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees a tiny sparkle from the floorboards, and she stomps over to the lights, turning them on. Almost immediately, golden words swirl up.

what happened?

"Your buddy Chris fucking happened!" Rose throws herself onto the bed and punches the pillow. "He keeps treating me like I'm some—some fucking gun that only he knows how to fire and I'm fucking sick of it!"

It had been especially bad today, too. Chris apparently woke up and decided yeah, today's the day I'm gonna be a total fucking asshole for no goddamn reason. He started them out sparring, which he never does, he always has them warm up first because it's important not to strain yourself, except apparently not today when she was thrown against the fucking ground three times before she could even open her mouth long enough to say hi.

Or maybe ask what the hell crawled up his ass that morning.

And then he kept fucking looking at her like he was disappointed! Like it was her fault she wasn't expecting to be slammed up against the wall or pinned to the ground by a man fucking three times her size and then grunted at when she winced in pain because that fucking hurt, you asshole! And he kept on saying these stupid little comments that just made her angrier and angrier and then he had the gall to be like hey, you need to get a handle on your emotions like he wasn't pushing every single fucking button he knew she had!

You need to be sharper, he'd said like he had any right to try and be reasonable as he almost dislocated her fucking shoulder, emotions make you sloppy.

Yeah, well, he could try being sharper when he was being bullied for no fucking reason.

And when she'd finally screamed at him that she was done, that she didn't want to fucking do this anymore, he had the fucking audacity, the nerve to scoff and cross his arms and tell her that no, she wasn't done, she was only done when he said she was done. And yeah, she hadn't really made the decision to rush at him after that, her body did that on its own, but he literally just tossed her aside like a fucking doll and then said she wasn't leaving until she could do the fucking stupid thing he wanted her to.

She tried. She really fucking did.

But she couldn't do it.

And Chris kept refusing to help, saying he'd been training her for so long already, that he'd wash her out if she were any other recruit—to which she'd screamed that she wasn't, so why the fuck was he being like this? And he didn't fucking answer! He just told her to try it again and he kept making her angrier and angrier and she could tell Chris was getting angry too which just made hers worse because what fucking right did he have to be mad at her? What the fuck did she do to him?

It ended really badly. She'd gotten so mad she'd thrown herself at him again, not caring about proper technique or what was smart or anything, she just went for him. He grappled her, obviously, and that was supposed to be their tap-out, fight's-over thing, but she hadn't stopped. She'd scratched him and punched him and kicked him even when he growled at her to yield, and when that didn't work, she'd bit him.

Chris fucking wrenched her off of him and threw her across the room and she heard three guns click.

They'd glared at each other, Chris holding his arm like it was a fucking biohazard, and then he'd stalked off without a word while agents forcibly shoved her back to her room.

She's panting by the time she finishes, glaring a hole in the wall right below where the words normally appear. Her hands still tingle from where she'd hit the walls and the pillows. She looks up when she sees the familiar swirl.

you shouldn't have bitten him

The anger surges up her arms and she clenches her fists. "That's all you have to say? No 'I'm sorry he was such a dick, Rose?' 'You didn't deserve that?' You're fucking defending him?"

i didn't say that

"I just told you that your friend, the person you told to watch over me and keep me safe was fucking bullying me for no goddamn reason and the only thing you can say is that I shouldn't have defended myself?" Betrayal steeps vehemence into her words. Her nails bite into her palms. "I'm fucking glad I bit him!"

he's trying to help

"How in the fuck is he trying to help," she cries, "by being as bad as the bullies in school? By treating me like a freak that needs to be kept muzzled and on a leash?"

you did bite him

She picks up one of the pillows and hurls it at the wall. It hits with a pathetic thwap and falls limply to the floor. It only makes her angrier when she sees the words calm down when the lights stop shaking.

"Don't fucking tell me to calm down! You're supposed to be on my side!"

i am

She barks out a humorless laugh and picks up the pillow, throwing it back on the bed. "You're not on my side, you're on his. I don't need you lecturing me too. Just leave me alone."

More golden words swirl as she turns away, throwing herself onto the bed and curling up tightly around her stuffed monkey. She chokes around the lump in her throat and wills herself not to cry. She'd almost cried in front of Chris today already, she won't give either of them the satisfaction of seeing her cry now. She won't, she won't, she won't! It's not fucking fair that Chris did that. It's not fucking fair that he gets to act however the fuck he wants and then she's the only one punished for it. He gets to go all over the fucking world and only see her when it's convenient to him and he gets to be an asshole about it.

Dad's not even alive.

A sob chokes out before she can stop it, and then it's too late. She's blubbering like she's a stupid fucking baby again and she can hear the echoes of their voices in her ears. All alone, poor freak Rose, crying like a baby who doesn't get her way. She's so weird, she's so stupid, she can't do it. She's useless, she's not strong enough. Just go away. No one wants you here. No one wants you. No matter how hard she presses her hands to her ears, they won't fucking shut up!

Maybe she should've fucking kept the purifying crystal. Maybe she should've left with no powers and had a normal fucking life. Maybe she should've just left her dad to—

As soon as the thought threatens to cross her mind, she recoils from it. Guilt and anger war in her gut as she nearly grows sick. How could she fucking think that? After all he'd done to save her, protect her, how could she think about something like that, even if it was in a fit of rage?

A strangled noise escapes her throat and the bruises and injuries from her humiliating 'sparring session' abruptly make themselves known. Her body screams in pain; her shoulders ache, the bruise on her ribs throbs, and her jaw feels like it's about to explode. She has the hysterical impulse to bite herself and she wonders if it would hurt more than everything else. Out of the corner of her eye, she glimpses a glow coming from the floorboards now and she curls up tighter, burying her face in the monkey's tummy. Fuck it, she's been called overly emotional and childish enough times already, she may as well throw her tantrum properly.

It's like falling into the Megamycete again; she has no idea how long she lies there, wallowing in her own emotional turmoil. Flashes of the bullies, of Chris's stupid fucking face, of watching herself get tossed around and left behind…even stranger things like massive castles filled with screams and horror, creepy old houses that just feel like tombs, deep water and clanking metal, all filled with whispers of freak, dangerous, stupid child, not good enough. Everything is too loud and too quiet and she just wants it to be over.

When she finally manages to rouse herself from whatever malaise she'd fallen into, the sun has long set. Her clock shows that it's close to 10—that would explain why her stomach is trying to dig a hole in her intestines. The anger fled unknown hours ago, leaving her weary and wrung out. In its absence, she no longer feels like the bioweapon that she's supposed to be, only the scared and lonely child. It's cold. She's hungry.

There's still a soft golden glow coming from over the side of the bed.

Her lip wobbles. She doesn't want to face the consequences of yelling at her dad and throwing a pillow at him, but she can't stop the blooming warmth that he didn't leave. She crawls to the edge of the bed and peeks over.

i'm sorry Rose

She sniffles and rubs her cheek on the sheets. "'M sorry too."

you were right, i should've been on your side

"You're always on my side," she mumbles, "I know you are."

still

She sniffles again and tucks the monkey under her chin. "Why was Chris so mean today? Did I do something wrong?"

i don't think so, sometimes he's just like that

"Why?" She's ignoring how much she sounds like a baby, thank you. "It's not fair."

no it's not sweetie

Rose closes her eyes, basking in the soft glow of her dad's comfort. "Was he ever mean to you when you were training?"

yeah

"What did you do?"

broke his nose once

It startles a laugh out of her. "You what? Wait, what happened?"

he was being an asshole, so i punched him

She giggles again, both at the image of Chris's surprised face with a broken nose and at the fact that her dad got so angry with Chris that he punched him hard enough. A few more golden sparkles surround the words before they change again.

you shouldn't try it though

"Aw," she complains, mostly for show, "but you did it."

do as i say not as i do

She's quiet. After a moment, she lets her arm hang down to touch the words again. They glow gently. "I don't like fighting with you."

me neither

"I'm sorry. I was being a brat."

The words swirl up quicker than she's ever seen.

you were upset at something unfair, not a being a brat

She sniffles again, reaching over to grab a hanky and blow her nose with a sharp honk. She throws it over to the laundry basket and lies back down. The words have changed.

if you need to hear it, i forgive you

"I forgive you too."

rest

She nestles up against the pillows. "Will you stay until I go to sleep?"

of course sweetie, i love you

***

5.

Mostly Rose doesn't dream. She'll close her eyes and open them again and it will be hours later and it's time to get up. Most of the time when she does dream, it's weird half-memories that aren't hers mixed with something she does actually remember. She has dreams of a house with a red chimney being taken apart by little robotic goats, or of a crocodile swimming through a swamp filled with dead crows, or of bugs crawling over test tubes and dirty flasks. Some of them make sense when she digs into the files she's not really supposed to have access to, some of them don't.

On rare, awful occasions, she has nightmares.

She's been curled up and unmoving for who knows how long, desperately trying to feign sleep. The mold in her keeps prickling like there's something else in the room, watching her, just waiting for a sign that she's awake to pounce. Her white-knuckled grip hasn't wavered either. She dares hardly breathe; even though her rational brain knows there's nothing there, there can't be anything there, her entire body is screaming. She can feel the milky sweat beginning to ooze from her palms.

Something creaks.

She goes stiff as a board.

A creak, a groan, a rumble as the air conditioning turns on and she forces herself to relax, cracking open one eye to see that yes, this is just her room, there's nothing to be afraid of here, she's fine.

Her eyes land on the switch to the fairy lights.

The small and whimpering part of her lunges for them, for the warm glow of the light, her dad's words, in lieu of running to her parents' bed to be comforted. The other part hisses that the second she moves, whatever's lurking in the dark will strike. The monkey wheezes as she tightens her grip, staring at the innocuous plastic box hanging against the wall.

With a sudden burst, she launches herself from the bed, slapping the button, and curling back up beneath the safety of the blankets.

Immediately, the soft warm light chases away the worst of the shadows and she can peek over her shoulder to assure herself that yes, nothing is there, she's safe in her room, everything's okay. Golden sparkles are already swirling, a quiet inquisitiveness filling that one empty part in her chest as she lies back down. He's rotated his words so she can read them easily.

what's the matter, sweetie?

"Nightmare," she whispers, more into her pillow than anything else.

i'm sorry

She curls up tighter, trying to pull the blankets up almost over her head. The sweat's almost ruined her monkey—she's going to have to wash it again—and she wipes her hands on the sheet. The absence of it hits the cold air and she shivers, hunching tighter in the covers and sniffling. A sudden and sharp ache sears through her chest and she shudders, harder this time, only the top of her nose peeking out over the comforter. She's so cold. Not in the way where she can pile more blankets on and it'll go away—she could put the whole world on top of her and she would still be cold. This horrible, achy, exhausting cold that seeps into her bones and makes her want to cry.

what can i do?

"You said in your—in your letter," she hiccups, "that you'd hold me when I had nightmares, and—and sing to me until I went back to sleep."

But the words on her wall are just words and words can't hold anybody.

She wants a fucking hug, goddamnit. No one touches her anymore, not unless they're running some stupid test, or sparring, or escorting her roughly down the hallway like some—some prisoner. The last time someone touched her and it wasn't that it was Mom, telling her she'd help decorate her room and that was so long ago, everyone else just—just—

"I want to go home," she sobs and it lands like a dead weight in the still room.

what do you mean?

"I want to go home, I want to go back to that house you showed—showed me when I was in there, where you—where your memories are and I can actually h-hear you and it's warm an'—an' safe, and you love me," she cries, not caring that it's the middle of the night and she's talking to a wall, "no one here loves me. No one loves me, the doctors think I'm some—some experiment that's run too—too long and the agents all think I'm a l-liability and Mom's not here because she gave me up and Chris h-hates me."

he doesn't hate you sweetie

"He does! He does, he does, I can feel it." She hugs her monkey tightly to her chest. "He h-hates me for being the reason you're not—you're not here anymore and he hates me for reminding him that you're dead and he hates me for—for being like this and—and—and—!"

shh…shh…shh…

But he's not here and she can't hear him shushing her and she's all alone in her cold, dark room and she wants to go home.

don't cry, Rosie, it's gonna be okay sweetie

"It's not. 'S not okay."

The wall doesn't move for a moment, then it swirls again.

scoot back, i'm going to try something

Frowning, she does, shuffling awkwardly back until she's on the far side of the bed. The golden light swirls around for another second, before it writes itself on one of the pillows.

hug me

"D—Michael?"

i'm right here sweetie, i love you so much

With trembling fingers, she reaches for the pillow, touching the words with a soft gasp as they glow warmly against her still-slick palms. A sob of disbelief leaves her throat and she bundles it to her chest, burying her face in it. A soft scratching and buzzing fills her ears as more words write themselves across the pillow, but she doesn't pull her face away to read them. Not when this is the closest thing to hugging her dad she's been since she was in the deepest stratum of the Megamycete, crying over his dying body. Not when she's still so cold and the words are so, so warm. She tucks her face into the crook of the pillow's embrace and she cries.

The words don't stop writing themselves over and over and if she focuses hard enough, it almost sounds like her dad is humming.

She falls into a light sleep, not willing to miss a moment of actually being so close to her dad, soothed by his presence. Soon, light has begun to break through the window, the auto timer on the lights long since activated to switch them off. The pillow is all gross from a mixture of drool, snot, and tears, and she sheepishly tries to wipe it away when a small glow comes from underneath.

it's okay

"It's kinda gross."

my privilege, i'm your dad

"Still."

ew, remember?

A watery smile. "Thanks."

i love you so much, i'm so proud of you

"I love you too," she mumbles back, curling her arms around the pillow. Another set of words writes itself and she leans back.

do you really think Chris hates you?

"I don't know. He…he looks at me like he can't sometimes. Or like he's waiting for me to…I don't know, turn crazy or bad or like he's waiting for me to turn into you, almost." She rubs her fingers over the pillowcase. "He used to be nicer."

have you spoken since?

She doesn't need to ask what he's talking about. "No. He's been out of town again. He's supposed to be back, um…"

She leans over to check her phone, eyes widening when she sees the date.

"Uh, today. Shit, I actually think we're supposed to have a training thing today."

Before more words can write themselves, there's a knock on her door. She freezes, phone still in her hand, pillow clutched close.

"Rose?" Fuck. "It's Chris. Can I come in?"

be brave, says the last flutter of words before her dad vanishes, i love you

"…yeah."

Chris opens the door. Rose tugs on her dad's jacket over her pajamas and clutches the pillow in her lap. She doesn't look at him. He moves around a little in the doorway before he shuts it with a click. After a moment, the bed dips and groans under his weight and she sneaks a glance at his arm. Her bite mark is still there.

"Surprised they let you walk around before that healed."

"You didn't even break the skin."

It's probably meant to come off in a way that means she doesn't have to worry about it, but it stings anyway. She turns away again.

A car drives by outside.

"I owe you an apology," Chris says finally, his voice low and gruff, "I shouldn't have been so harsh. I'm sorry."

She doesn't reply, but she shifts to face the window instead of the wall.

"There's been talk of getting you moved to another squad," he continues, and her stomach drops—is Chris leaving too?— "and I thought…if I could prove that you were good with us, that we had it all under control, then they'd drop it. Leave you alone."

At the rustle as he shifts, she glances over at him. His jaw works and his hand twitches on his knee.

"I thought…" He trails off, then scoffs at himself, shaking his head. "I don't know what I thought."

He turns to meet her gaze and her gut clenches at the obvious guilt and remorse she can see there. She swallows.

"You were mean." Her voice comes out a lot smaller than she'd hoped. She swallows and tries again. "I thought you hated me."

"I don't hate you, Rose," he says in a rush, turning to face her, "please don't think that."

"So you're not trying to get rid of me?"

"Shit, Rose, no, I'm not trying to get rid of you. You're—I think Mia'd kill me if I tried, no, I'm just—" he takes a breath— "I'm just trying to keep you safe, okay?"

"Then you should've said something! I would've trained harder if I knew—we could've—I would've done something else, did I do something wrong?"

"No," he insists, shaking his head, "no, you didn't do anything wrong."

Relief begins to pool warily in her chest. Her grip on the pillow loosens and she scoots a little closer. "I'm sorry I bit you."

He shakes his head again. "It's fine. You, uh, you have good bite strength."

"Good bite strength?"

"Yeah. Your contact's really good." He gestures to the bite mark on his arm. "Got all of them in there too."

"Thanks," she says, laughing a little. Chris smiles and it's a bit easier to breathe. She gives herself a shake. "So, what's today? Weapons, sparring, how to punch boulders?"

"Actually, I, uh, thought we'd go get ice cream."

Rose pauses, looking up at him, blinking as if she'd heard wrong. "Ice cream?"

"Weather's gonna get cold soon, the good place around the corner's gonna close." He shrugs. "Been craving it."

"Yeah…yeah, ice cream sounds good."

"Great."

And before she can think too much of it, she throws herself at him and hugs him for all she's worth. She feels him stutter, not quite sure what to do, and then his arms slowly wrap around her, holding her just as tightly. And oh, she's on fire, Chris is big and warm and solid and he's holding her like she's something special and she's gonna fucking cry her eyes out if she stays here a moment longer and she's gonna die if she lets go. Chris lets out a noise of dismay when she sniffles and scoops her up, like she's a little kid again, holding her in his lap and now she's making a mess of his shoulder too.

She could swear she feels Dad smile.

***

+1.

"I'm telling you," Rose says as she lounges on her bed, "you're wrong about the cover. It's actually pretty good."

i like the classics

"Yeah, well, you're old and boring, so that makes sense."

:(

The sight of the old-fashioned emoticon frowny face makes her burst out laughing. "Oh my god, that's so lame. I don't think I've seen someone use that in years."

it's a classic!

"You gotta get with the times!"

totes dope fam

Rose winces at the immense amount of psychic damage those three words dealt, her neck protesting as she almost cringes it out of alignment. "No, D—Michael, just no."

lol

She tosses the pillow playfully at the wall again, laughing when another frowny face appears on both it and the wall. "Aww, okay, I'm sorry, here."

She picks it up and cuddles it and the frowny face turns to a smiley face. Lying back down, grin still on her face, she toys with his ring. It's gotten shinier from all the rubbing, except where she ties the cord around it so she can wear it as a necklace. She turns it this way and that, watching the sunlight glint off of it. As she does, she catches sight of the engraving on the inside.

Always and forever.

"Do you want me to tell Mom and Chris about you?"

The words swirl for a moment.

up to you

She pushes herself to sit up, propped on one elbow. The ring glistens as she slides it back onto her finger, turning it to and fro. "I don't know. It feels bad keeping something like this from them, but I want to be selfish about it too, you know? I kind of like having you all to myself."

it's not selfish

"And what if Chris thinks it's bad?" She twists the ring harder. "What if he tries to take you away from me?"

i won't let that happen

Her shoulders drop a little and she picks up the pillow again, cuddling into it. A few words write themselves across it just so she can feel their warmth and she rubs her cheek against it. "Don't you miss them?"

all the time

A melancholy that isn't hers hangs in her chest and she squeezes the pillow again. "Then should I? They miss you too, you know. I think they'd be happy to, you know, hear from you again."

The words fade and the wall glows again as he thinks. She lets him have his time, rubbing the ring back and forth, listening to the slight rattle it makes as it spins around her too-small finger. When she hears the familiar soft scratch again, she looks up.

they're happy now, i don't want to ruin that

"They're not happy," she can't help but say, "they still miss you."

content, then

"You wouldn't be ruining anything," she argues, "I thought—I thought I'd never get to see you again after I got out of there. The day I heard you again? That was the happiest moment of my life."

mine too sweetie, or my un-life i guess

The words glow brighter as her fingertips glow too. She gets up and lays her hand against the wall, smiling as their powers dance together. "I really think they'd be happy."

A pulse of warmth runs up her arm to her chest as the words shift once more.

when you think the time is right

"I'll tell you, I promise."

i'm so proud of you, Rose, i love you so much

"I love you too."

That time doesn't come on their terms, though, because that would be easy. No, instead it's when she and Chris are over at Mom's house for dinner and Chris asks a question out of nowhere that almost makes her spit all over the table.

"What?" Mom asks as Rose glares a hole in Chris's stupid forehead.

"I said," Chris says like an unrepentant asshole, "who's Michael?"

"Michael?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Rose mutters, staring down at her lap.

"I was coming to get you for training last week and you were talking to someone called Michael." Chris takes a bite of steak and talks with his mouth full, like an asshole. "So who is he?"

Mom elbows her, winking. "Someone you like?"

"What? Ew, gross, no!"

Chris and Mom just laugh and Mom elbows her again. "Don't worry, I was your age once too. That's how I reacted when my mom asked me about my crush."

"Michael isn't my crush!"

"Boyfriend, then?"

"No, he's not my—" she covers her face and sighs. "He's not my boyfriend, he's not my crush, he's not someone from school, happy?"

"So who is he?"

Well, fuck it, no time like the present. She pushes back from the table, muttering about using the bathroom. They wait until she's halfway up the stairs to start talking again, their voices low in that way where she knows they're still talking about her, but she pays them no mind as she goes into the bathroom and shuts the door. She braces her hands on either side of the sink and takes a deep breath.

"I'm guessing you heard all that."

The words swirl up right below the mirror.

yeah

"I mean, it's not like we'll get a better opportunity."

probably not

"Are you ready?"

are you?

She rubs at the chip in the linoleum and turns on the cold water, just to make sure there's no milky sweat on her hands. "I'm nervous."

me too

"No matter what happens," she says firmly, "no matter what they do or say, I'm here for you, okay? I've got your back. I love you."

i'm so proud of you, sweetie, i love you too

The words glow cheerfully against the weird tile pattern and she reaches out to touch them. They share a moment before the words fade and she takes a deep breath, squaring her shoulders in the mirror and nodding to herself. "Right. Let's do this."

She marches back downstairs and Mom and Chris do a horrible job of pretending not to be nosy and expectant. She sits back down and folds her hands in her lap.

"I'll tell you who Michael is," she begins, "but you have to promise not to tell anyone else."

"I promise, honey," Mom says, miming zipping her lips shut.

"Chris, you promise too."

Chris looks at her for a moment like he's going to disagree, then he winces as Mom kicks him under the table. "I promise too."

"Good." She takes another breath and reaches for the ring around her neck. The second she brings it out from under her shirt, Chris's silverware clatters against the plate and Mom inhales sharply.

"Rose," she says shakily, "where did you get that?"

"Before I said yes to joining you," Rose says, "I met K outside the lab. He told me there might be a way to get rid of my powers for good."

Chris frowns. "K never said anything like that to me, what do you—"

"I'm getting there. He took me to the lab where there was a piece of the Megamycete, and said that—"

"He what?"

"Will you both just listen to me?" The two of them quiet down. "Thank you. So, like I was saying, he took me to see the piece of it and said that there was a purifying crystal that Miranda discovered that could take the mold out of someone. All I had to do was look through the Megamycete's index of consciousness to see if I could find it."

"That's incredibly dangerous, Rose," Mom says quietly, and Chris looks like he's trying to strangle his fork. "Please tell me you didn't—"

"I wanted them gone," she interrupts, looking at her Mom, "they were—I was just a freak with no friends. Someone offered me the chance to be normal, are you telling me you wouldn't have done the same thing if you were a teenager?"

Mom looks at her for a long moment, but she doesn't disagree. Rose squeezes the ring and keeps going.

"It wasn't that easy, obviously. It was…really hard. And really scary. I had to fight my way through these, like, twisted versions of the places in Miranda's village, like that big castle and the creepy doll house, and there were all these versions of me that kept getting killed and tortured, I fought a version of Eveline too—"

"Rose," Chris tries to say but she doesn't let him.

"—but I had help," she continues. "There was something helping me. It helped me figure out where to go, what to do, gave me a gun and taught me how to use it. There were these glowing words that would appear when I needed them most and it…it was like having a guardian angel."

"Michael," Chris says, and she nods.

"Yeah, I called him Michael. He—he kept trying to get me to leave, said that it wasn't safe, but I wanted to find the crystal and so he helped me. And then we found out K wasn't actually K and it was all a trap set by Miranda—"

"It was what?"

Chris is already getting up. "Is she still in there? Do we need to—"

"Sit down, Chris, it's fine, we beat her. She's dead now, like, really, actually dead. She crystalized and turned to dust, I saw it."

His face still looks like he ate a lemon, but Chris sits slowly back down. He exchanges a worried look with Mom and she puts her hand on Rose's shoulder. "You said 'we?'"

"Me and Michael." She looks down at the ring and turns it over in her hand. "Until I found out who he really was."

Mom gasps, a small and shuddery thing. She holds her hand over her mouth and stares at Rose. "Ethan."

Chris makes a noise too as Rose nods. "Yeah. It was him the whole time. He…he protected me. From Miranda, from Eveline, from everything."

"He loved you so much, honey," Mom whispers, her eyes growing wet, "he never stopped loving you."

"He showed me our house in Romania," and to her horror, she can feel her voice growing thick too, "with all his memories. I heard his voice, Mom, he—he wrote me a letter, did you know?"

"Yes," Mom says, trying not to sob, clutching her shoulder, "yeah, honey, I know. He cried so much while he was writing it, he wanted you to get old enough to read it with him, oh, Rose…"

She swipes a hand under her nose and turns to Chris, who's doing that big, tough, I'm-too-manly-for-my-emotions-right-now thing and reaches for him too. After a moment, his hand turns and covers hers. He's trembling. "He taught me how to fight, Chris. We—we fought together. He shot the monsters in the face with a shotgun and gave me his power so I could kill Miranda, once and for all."

Chris swallows heavily. "Your dad was…he was one of the best men I've ever known, Rosie. He would be so proud of you." He sniffs. "You said he shot them in the face with a shotgun?"

"Mhm."

"Yeah, that sounds like Ethan, alright." Mom laughs and it sort of sounds like a sob but she and Chris are smiling now, so it's okay. Chris looks back at her and nods a few times. "So you were talking to him, then?"

"Yeah. When you walked by on Tuesday, I think it was…yeah, we were arguing about whether the original Blade Runner was better than 2049." She wrinkles her nose. "He said the original was better but I like the remake."

Chris frowns. "What do you mean, he said—"

The words scrawl over Mom's dining table, illuminating their faces.

i like the classics, that's all

Rose would laugh at the way Chris almost falls out of his chair if his hand and Mom's weren't trembling. She looks at Mom, who stares at the glowing words, and at Chris, who looks like he's about to be sick.

Mom breaks the silence first. "…Ethan?"

The words move, now right next to her forgotten plate.

hi honey

"You're—you're—"

bad at staying dead?

Mom's breath leaves her like she's been punched in the gut. "Oh, Ethan, I—I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry—"

breathe, it's okay

She squeezes Mom's hand as she takes a few shaky breaths. "What—how is this possible?"

rose

"We're both part of the mold," Rose says when Mom looks to her, "he's…he's using my part right now, we're sort of sharing it."

told her i'm not a scientist, figured you'd get it :)

"No one uses those anymore," Mom mumbles and Rose whispers a quiet told you so! as the smiley turns to a frowny for a moment, before the words change again.

i know it's been hard, i'll always love you

"Oh, Ethan," Mom whispers, reaching out to touch the words. She gasps as a flicker of warmth pulses through them and Rose squeezes her hand again. "I miss you."

i miss you too

Another glow flickers up next to Chris, who startles and stares down at the words in shock.

you too

"E-Ethan, I—" he cuts himself off as the words swirl again.

thank you for taking care of my daughter

Chris swallows heavily. "She's incredible, Ethan. You should be proud of her."

always am

"I'm sorry," Chris whispers, and something in Rose's gut clenches at how close to tears he looks too, "if I'd been faster, we could've gotten you out of there, we could've…"

it's okay, Chris, we're all okay

"You're dead."

i died in 2017, doing pretty well considering

"He is really bad at staying dead," Rose adds, "Miranda said so too. You should've seen her, she was so mad at us."

Chris looks like he's having a hard time deciding whether he wants to laugh or cry. The sparkles swirl again.

she's a fighter, she gets that from you too

His free hand jerks and Rose squeezes the one in hers. "You can touch, Chris, he won't bite. That's my thing."

it won't hurt, promise

Chris takes a deep breath and slowly touches the words. His breath leaves him in a rush as they glow warmly under his fingers. Rose smiles as she feels the mold connect all of them there, in that moment, through her and Ethan. Some part of her clicks into place. As if he can feel it too, which he probably can, another set of words appears in front of her.

we're so proud of you, Rosie

"Yeah, yeah," she mumbles as she feels heat rush to her cheeks, "shut up."

no :)

Mom laughs. "We finally have all three of us together again and you want us to not tell you how proud we are of you?"

"They've got a point, Rosie."

"I'll break your nose!"

"No, no," Mom says as Chris squawks, even though she's still smiling, "no breaking Chris's nose."

even if he deserves it

"Hey!"

As they all laugh together, Ethan's words still glowing in the warm, quiet house, Rose sits back in her chair and twists her dad's ring around her finger. Sure, being a mold bioweapon teenager was weird, but if this is the family she gets to have because of it, it can't be all bad.

[uwuowotf2waslife]

What if Medic taught the team sex ed because he found out that someone has an STI and the mercs later either follow his advice or completely ignore it + Medic educating reader on safe sex on practice

The reason I came up with this is that I'm really stupid so I got thrush. I'm so fucking embarrassed, I'm a grown ass woman but I somehow did my hygiene incorrectly and I'm itchy down there and it burns to pee. I'm making an appointment with a gynecologist as I write this so I should be fine

Love your writing, acceptance of horny and your chill. Best wishes to you and sorry for shitty English

Dw frend your english is ✨✨✨✨

Also get well soon <3 it happens to the best of us

Tw: Sex mention/STD mention

In this case: Spy (fuckboy) got trush and Medic had a mild stroke when finding out only 3/9 Mercs understand the concept of STDs

Medic: lecturer in the conference room used in ED. Has a small presentation of whats STIs are and how to avoid them.

“Zo az you zhee, thiz are the common STDs you may encounter during ehm…”

“During third base!” Pips Scout.

Visible confusion by all non english speaking members except Spy

“The boy means sex… speak like an adult sout.” Half muffled by a ciggarete.

“Doubt you can get a hard on, frenchman, just 10 secs ago sawbone said you loose your errectIon once you hit 60” scout goes for a low blow

“Your mother never complains, does she.” Spy snakes back for a lower blow.

“SAY IT AGAIN FUCKFACE AND YOULL HAVE A MUFFCABBAGE FOR A HEAD” scout tries to grab his pistol, forgets that he had to surrender it at the lockers for safety.

“SHUT UP BABYMEN! DOCTOR SAYS ITS IMPORTANT “ a russian roar cuts them both raw and leaves them hanging.

A shill sound cuts them all, now Medic using Archimedes claws to get them all to pay attention

“Danke mein Freund “. “Now I know thiz will be embarrassing but you are all very welcome to use the jar in the medbay, well you wish to… touczh third base” A true genious never lets new opportunities for a learning moment to fall.

“So the condom jar?” “Didnt yall ever used that till Spy got Thursh??!” Scout looks dumbfounded

“You dont really use protection when ya are a gentleman, mongrel!” Sniper visibly annoyed and flustered because in his non medical experience a quickie in a van isnt really prime time for proper sex ed usage.

“Snipes Sheep dont count!” Scout goes for the low hanging fruit.

Sniper roses up and looks anywhere for a weapon but decides his chair is prime

Untill he is stopped by heavy and is basically hogtied by a even taller and burlier man

“Next will be in Locker” simple threat but working.

“Dankeshone Fruende… but yes I expect you all to use them. We cant have a czeafire because you all have different sztrains of StDS reaking havoc.”…

“ Never seen you using one tho Sawbones” Again scout being a dumbass.

Soldier now fed up , stands up and salutes

“MEDIC AS AN AMERICAN I HAVE BEEN TAUGHT IN MY AMERICAN EDUCATION WHAT SEXUALY TRANSIMETED DISEASES ARE, BUT THIS HERE BASTARDS HAVE MADE THIS LESSON UNACCEPTABLE. PERMISSION TO STRANGLE SCOUT?”

“NO TALK BABYMAN!”

“What if ye just want yer dick sucked by a bird? Do ye also need a condom?” Demo awoken has to ask the most revelant question in the last hour and a half.

“YOU DO VAT TO BIRDS?” Medic officially snapped.

“Ya know, chicks” scout yells amidst being stangled

“Vat?”

“HE MEANS WOMEN YOU IDIOT” hogtied sniper yells

“JA YOU DUMBKOFF!”

Earie silence from Medic finnaly snapping.

“Do we also have to use it with dudes? Like is it any different?”scout is about to pass out.

Medic defeated

Spy horrified his son is bi ( boomer fainting)

“I mean same same but different so prolly yeah” answers him an amused Engie.

“Mhmmm mmh” Pyro says and leaves the building.

True mercenary chaos ensues with Spy accusing Scout from hiding shit from him while all the others have fights about who did what and why they didnt use a wrapper.

Case in point

They are all idiots.

[strawberrykidneystone]

chapter 1: once more from the top

summary: after choosing to destroy the reapers, cassandra shepard’s body is once again recovered and reconstructed, without cerberus' help this time. she woke up on a cold table with no memories except a sense of deja vu that she’s been here before.

a/n: AHHHH IM SO EXCITED FOR THIS SERIES!!! also happy N7 day!!! it’s my first one since getting into mass effect this summer, this game has literally changed my life i really do hope i do it justice in my writing <3 also i am not a doctor i am pulling this out of my ass

tags: amnesia troupe, angst, hospital, mention of me2 shepard death, destroy ending, earthborn/sole survivor! shepard

ao3 version

cold.

cassandra gasped awake on the cold steel table, immediately doubling over into a coughing fit. she was gasping for air while being blinded by the bright lights bouncing off of the completely white room, causing her to squint in pain. her lungs burned as she gasped for air, the coldness of the room felt like she was rapidly being stabbed with icicles at her every movement.

where the hell was she?

the last thing she remembered was…

what was the last thing she remembered?

she remembered being called onto the citadel by admiral anderson and… that’s about it.

what did he want to talk about?

why was she in a hospital?

where was anderson?

god she was light headed.

shepard quickly looked around to gather her surroundings, as any good soldier would in an unfamiliar situation. it was obvious that she was in some sort of hospital, but it was strange that she was on a metal slab instead of a bed. and why did she have a strong sense of deja vu lying here? she was hooked up to an iv in her left arm with a heart rate monitor on her finger alerting whoever that her bpm was too fast. as she looked around for something, anything familiar, her eye caught some get well soon cards, dead flowers in faded painted dust-covered vases, and- was that a happy 33rd birthday card? last time she checked, she was barely 29.

was she in a coma? how did this happen?

suddenly her eyes fell to the table next to her- was that a severed arm???? it clearly had biotics attached to it, yet it looked eerily familiar…

her breathing was still unstable, the beeping of the monitor falling on deaf ears as her chest heaved and she felt like she wasn’t getting enough air into her lungs. eyes rapidly glancing around the room, she couldn’t focus on anything.

oh god her vision was going blurry.

someone in a hazmat suit on came into the room and said something garbled that she couldn’t understand, all she could hear was her own rapid breathing. the stranger grabbed an oxygen mask and put it around her head. they grabbed a big needle off of the nearby tray table and injected something into her iv. she suddenly felt her eyes drooping, regretting not ripping out the iv when she was conscious. who knows what she just got put into her system? the last thing she saw was the bright light of the room glaring down at her.

if this was heaven, this sucks.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

when she came to once again, much calmer this time, she could hear several voices talking in hushed tones all around her. she wasn’t on the cold table anymore, but a soft bed that had her sitting up in an almost completely upright position. there were about a million pillows supporting her head and back. despite the newly comfortable accommodations, she could feel her entire body aching like never before. she groaned and turned her head to the side, slowly opening her eyes as if for the first time once again, adjusting to the harsh lights a lot quicker this time. the voices suddenly stopped speaking as they noticed her waking up and she heard a female voice gasp.

“she’s awake!”

“oh thank the goddess.”

“can it be?”

“shepard!”

“cass, honey are you okay?” she felt two hands cup her right hand, only they weren’t human hands. there were only 3 fingers, was it a turian? or maybe a quarian? why were they holding her hand? they had a rough texture, so they had to be turian hands. yet the usually sharp talons were filed down. that was odd, sharp talons were usually a point of pride for turians.

she didn’t know any turians that closely, who the hell was this?

as she blinked away the bleariness from her eyes, her vision cleared up and showed the guests at her bedside. there was an asari, a few humans, a quarian- was that a krogan???

and of course as she looked to her right, she saw the turian cupping her hands. god he was beautiful, with the most brilliant shade of blue in his eyes she had ever seen. she could feel the anxious energy vibrating off of him, his hands tensely holding hers as if she would slip away at any moment. there was something so comforting about his hold, her chest felt significantly lighter with his hands around hers, even though she swore that she had never seen him before.

wait, did he call her cass? only her close friends called her that. and why was he looking at her like that?

she looked around the room with a bewildered look on her face. the asari was weeping and smiling so brightly at her. shepard felt her chest ache for some reason, she felt the urge to comfort her even though she had no idea who she was. a few of the humans had misty eyes as well, even the krogan looked a little choked up. that is, if krogan could even get choked up.

one of the humans noticed the look on her face and his brows knit together. she mused over his face and finally recognized him: kaidan alenko. anderson had introduced them once while the normandy was docked at the citadel. shepard awkwardly pulled her hand away from the unfamiliar turian's grasp, an uncomfortable smile gracing her face, “lieutenant, mind filling me in on what happened?”

kaidan’s confusion turned into shock as she addressed him, eyes darting over to the turian who was obviously very hurt by shepard pulling her hand away, his jaw hanging open in surprise. his hands were still seemingly stuck in the cupping position, maybe he was frozen.

kaidan cleared his throat and smiled as confidently as he could, the corner of his mouth betraying his false poise with an uncertain twitch, “it’s ah, it’s major now commander- never mind that’s not important. are you… feeling okay commander?”

shepard scoffed and laughed, shaking her head in disbelief, “commander? i think you’re mixing me up with anderson, major.”

suddenly, the room fell dead silent.

kaidan glanced around the room, unsure of what to say. had she lost her memory? why did she think that anderson was still alive?

“sorry uh- shepard, what’s the last thing you remember?”

sheperd rubbed the side of her head and her brows furrowed together in confusion as she tried to process everything that was happening. commander? was she promoted in her sleep? no that would be ridiculous, right?

“um, i remember anderson wanting to talk to me about an assignment but that’s about it… why? did something happen? and why did you call me commander?”

shepard’s questions hung in the air unanswered by the strangers that surrounded her, frustrating her even further. she didn’t know them, but something about them felt so familiar, she just couldn't put her finger on it. the turian next to her rushed out of the room, with the asari reaching out to him with a swift ‘garrus wait’ before following him out of the room. the rest of the followed group suit, albeit very confused, and quietly left the room.

kaidan was the only one staying behind. he tentatively walked to the side of the bed and slowly took a seat with only one thigh actually resting on the gurney.

“major, what’s going on?”

a dry smile tugged its way onto his lips and he lightly placed his hand over hers, “don’t worry about it for now shepard, just focus on getting some rest for now.” he didn't want to overwhelm her or go against any medical procedures for situations like this, so he opted to let her just recover for now.

she nodded slowly as her eyebrows pinched together, still confused but surprisingly put a lot of trust in his judgment, even though they had only just met in an informal setting. he patted her hand before swiftly leaving the room, closing the door behind him with a cringe as he heard the loud woosh of the decontamination air kicking in. he sighed and looked up, seeing his equally distressed peers gathered outside of the hospital room.

garrus was hastily pressing the alert button to the room, a million different things running through his mind, but he needed answers and needed them now. liara took the button out of his hand as they saw a doctor coming over and resisted scolding him for his immature antics. she couldn't tell what was going through his head, but she knew that wouldn't help right now. tali, had her arms crossed and was staring at the floor, unsure of how to feel about the situation. miranda had her eyebrow furrowed and was chewing at her bottom lip, fearing the worst that bringing shepard back once again had lost a huge chunk of her memory forever. she couldn't help but wonder if she should contact her former cerberus peers to see if anything could help with this side effect, but she knew shepard would be pissed if she did, and she didn't want to put herself or her sister at risk of being involved with that wretched company ever again. grunt was obviously irritated and liara quickly sent him outside before he could start to rack up shepard's medical bill even more.

thankfully a familiar face, doctor chakwas, rushed over at the constant notifications and before she could even open her mouth, garrus bombarded her with questions, "is she going to get her memory back? is this permanent? is she-"

"garrus let the woman talk," kaidan urged and placed a hand on his shoulder. garrus took a deep breath and sighed, looking at the doctor desperately for any kind of reassurance.

chakwas folded her hands together and looked around at the nervous former crew members, "the brain is... tricky. sometimes memories come back, sometimes they doesn't. and with this basically being her second resurrection from the dead, it's not particularly surprising. we will continue to monitor her in the following days, but i can't make any promises. i would recommend trying to bring items in that have a particular emotional memory tied to them that can help jog her memory. i would also advise against group visiting as to not overwhelm her, but as I've learned from being on the Normandy, you all will do whatever you want regardless of what i say."

there was a few soft laughs at the doctor’s small quip at the end, but the group fell into silence once again. chakwas patted garrus' shoulder and he nodded at her small attempt at comfort, grateful for the support.

"we uh... we should let her rest for today, we can start trying to jog her memory tomorrow once she's rested," garrus said somewhat shakily, his shoulder tense as he glanced into the hospital room at his peers- no, his friends. seeing her passed out with so many machines attached to her made him sick to his stomach, but he knew that there was nothing he could do at that moment that would be even remotely helpful, cursing his past self for not going into the medical field. spirits it killed him to leave her alone, but he was trying to think like her, she would want him to rest if the situation was reversed, so that's exactly what he's doing.

the others nodded in agreement and liara sprinted ahead of the group to go tell grunt the news, hoping in vain that the krogan hasn't destroyed anything major yet.

garrus hesitated and stayed back from the group, peering into her room as if she would disappear if he looked away. she had never looked so... small. the great commander shepard in a hospital gown who stood so tall looked so vulnerable and frail. he knew that she wasn't, but he couldn't help but feed into the voice in the back of his mind yelling at him that he had lost her forever. no, he wouldn't believe that, he couldn't believe it.

she was still in there somewhere, she had to be. there was no shepard without vakarian, and he was determined to make this right.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a/n: sorry about the dead silent joke, too soon?

chapter 2

[whywhatswrongwithblue]

DW REWATCH

S01E03 THE UNQUIET DEAD

The Doctor has great expectations for his latest adventure when he and Rose join forces with Charles Dickens to investigate a mysterious plague of zombies.

Mr. Sneed sucks.

The Doctor's already beginning to enlist Rose's help in flying the TARDIS--mind you, this is only their SECOND adventure ever. She hasn't even moved in yet!

Rose has a great little line in here, "But, it's like, think about it, though. Christmas. 1860. Happens once, just once and it's gone, it's finished, it'll never happen again. Except for you. You can go back and see days that are dead and gone a hundred thousand sunsets ago. No wonder you never stay still." and it's wonderful how she just GETS him immediately. She understands, immediately, what keeps him going. It's also something she desires in her own life. RTD summed it up perfectly, she humanises him while he time-lords her.

Charles Dickens!!! I do love the historical episodes of DW.

YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL. HE'S SO IN LOVEEEEEEEE. "considering" you're not being slick Doc!!

That little touch of Rose rushing to the door first; it portrays perfectly how she's fit for a life like this, travelling with the Doctor. She's adapted so quickly! Keep in mind here, the previous two adventures haven't exactly gone "well" and yet she's so eager to see what awaits them.

She looped her arm into his....my heart

What phantasmagoria is this? me @ every episode of the 60th

Rose is so incredibly empathetic. This old woman just flipped and burped out, like, a whole ass entity, and she hurries over to check on her.

The Doctor's fangirl moment is so charming! How exactly are you a fan? In what way do you resemble a means of keeping oneself cool? :D

What the Shakespeare is going on?

Rose asking the CORPSE CLIMBING OUT OF ITS FUCKING COFFIN if it's alright. Babe i love you and your bleeding heart but GET OUT OF THERE

Rose laying it down for Sneed! Go! Girl!

It's interesting that Charles is so hesitant to admit that there might be things in the world beyond his understanding, and it's especially interesting that the Doctor's the one reprimanding him when he's like that too. [The Impossible Planet]. Well, at least he's self aware?

Rose immediately going to help with the washing up. Girl how many times are you going to win my heart. "How much do you get paid" ROSE. BABE.

Super appreciate the nuance of her being (very) condescending towards Gwen. It's such a fine line to tread---Rose clearly sees herself as a voice for the "disenfranchised" but she regularly gets ahead of herself and disregards the opinions and wants of the actual person. This topic is also (horribly) touched upon with Hermione and S.P.E.W in the HP books, and it's something I find very interesting o.o

Bad wolf mention! Also 'the darkness'...was Rose always meant to dimension hop? I always thought Billie chose to leave at the end of s2 and that's why she was written out (and back in eventually)

Good smile. Nice bum. It's literally canon that Nine was outside eavesdropping on this; Ten was sculpted very, very purposefully, ladies and gentlemen.

Gwen points out Rose has been thinking of her father now, more than ever. She has just travelled backwards and forwards in time, her mind is obviously wandering to the man who left such a large gap in her life!

Gotta mention the concerned glance Rose shoots the Doctor during the seance. She's so in tune with his feelings and his emotional state. (AKA SHE KNOWS VERY WELL THAT TEN WOULDVE NEVER MADE A MOVE)

I think it's interesting to point out that when confronted with the Gelth's plan, only Rose stands up against the Doctor. Gwen, Sneed and even Charles fucking Dickens automatically accept the Doctor as some sort of greater authority---but wonderful, brilliant Rose is so strong in her moral convictions. She thinks of herself as his equal.

The exposition is done so neatly in this--the Doctor's explaining to Rose, and to us, how time is in flux and how history can be rewritten in the blink of an eye. (mavity, anyone?) It truly is a reboot of the show, explaining so elegantly to new viewers how the science of time-travel is going to be handled in here. Going on a tangent from that, nothing the Doctor does or says indicates that he's ever travelled with a human companion before. A general rule of thumb in media is the characters are unaware of their genre so it is inherently unfair to blame Rose for reacting the way she does in School Reunion. Remember folks, Rose antis are the weakest link.

At the tender age of 19, when confronted with her death...Rose chooses to assure this broken man she barely knows that her death isn't his fault. And this won't be the only time she does it this season. My. Heart.

IM SO GLAD I MET YOU HELL YEAH TURN UP THIS SONG ALL MY HOMIES LOVE NINEROSE

Alright I've raved enough about how Rose is endlessly empathetic and refuses to leave Gwen but let's talk about how the Doctor refuses to leave as well! They really are perfect for each other.

Special mention to the actor playing Dickens, he's so good!

But in your time, he was already dead. We've brought him back to life, and he's more alive now than he's ever been, old Charlie boy. A beautiful line, and it also got my cogs turning with how it relates to the Tenth Doctor. It's funny; when you consider time travel, everyone's dead already and everyone hasn't been born yet and everyone's existing, all at the same time. As long as they're not part of your personal timeline, someone can be immortal---you choose a moment in their life and you visit that. And for Ten...Rose is fundamentally immortal. With sending her back to the other universe, he ensures that she'll live forever, in a way. He'll never see her age, never see her die. She'll live on only as he remembers her. Idk if that makes sense but god. He gets her forever. And Tentoo gets her everyday. What a ship, right?

Everyone go read Laddie, Lie Near Me.

Anyway. Decent episode! 7/10 for me. I'm not a huge fan of the Gelth.

[momo-de-avis]

I'm usually very lenient with doctors cause I have a lot of respect for them but I am also very suspicious bc growing up the person that practically raised me was a doctor and after he died i did not trust any doctor whatsoever until adolescence, but like. I'm back to being suspicious of these people cause I went to the doctor about my allergies. Got tested. Not allergic to anything. A lifetime being told I have Rhinitis or whatever it's called and apparently nope. Okay. It's my stomach, it turns out. And we only find this out because the doctor says "well, this is strange because you dont have reflux" to which I responded "I actually do have reflux occasionally" to which she replied "oh then that must be it!" To which my only reaction was "but you never asked anything about reflux I never mentioned it cause I didn't think it was relevant" and like she was a very nice lady but I studied art history, I can analyse a painting and identify the time period of a church, I'm not qualified to figure out that my stomach issues have any relation with my NOSE when I didn't even understand I had stomach issues to begin with so just ask all the questions you should ask, don't expect me to guess. I will answer them. I'm actually too honest when it comes to doctors. I am incredibly open with them about the fact that I smoke and except an anesthesiologist once, literally everyone answered "but that's not relevant" which okay. I thought it was. It's now three months later, I've been following the directions of the medication admittedly except one which is not a medication is a sinus cleaning that gives me a headache and I find it impossible to do it at 7.30 am when I wake up so I do it once a day instead of twice but that shouldn't be a huge issue. Nothing has changed and now I have yet again all the symptoms of rhinitis again. And the antihistamines she prescribed when she thought it was allergies still work when i take them in sos situations. So now I'm suspicious. I'm getting fed up with this. Been going to the doctor in the private sector and paying for this shit bc I have insurance, which apparently sucks ass cause they still want to charge me 10 THOUSAND euros to remove a cyst and treat my endometriosis which lol (whole other can of worms I'm dealing with tomorrow) but really we're all better off in the goddamn public healthcare system. I'm finally feeling like I'm a client and not a patient. Anyway I can't sleep and I have to wake up at 6.30 tomorrow.

Edit: it was TEN THOUSAND euros, not ten. If it was 10 I'd have my insides all rearranged for what I care

[quietwingsinthesky]

Question: cringe culture is 100% dead, but I'm curious what you'd pick as your most embarrassing fandom, past or present? I know some people consider supernatural to be a guilty pleasure but honestly there's some other fandoms that I'm way more embarrassed to still like

Generally, I’m not really embarrassed about any of the stuff I’ve been into. If I liked it, clearly it brought me joy at the time and that’s what matters. You know, how would I be the person I am today if I didn’t play Undertale or even if I didn’t read every creepypasta I could get my hands on as a kid? That plus my memory problems means no cringe for me lol. But I guess I could talk about a few.

MLP was back when the show was still airing — I want to say 3rd or 4th season? — and I just dove into the fandom because ‘woah guys did you know that people write stories about the ponies? That there are infinite amount of stories to read?’ Which, you know, ups and downs, you got your Keepers of Discord but you’ve also got your Cupcakes. (Though, to be honest, the fact that I had a reading of Cupcakes bookmarked on my computer to listen to to help me fall asleep? probably explains uhm. Some Stuff About Me.) Honestly, wouldn’t trade my time with MLP for anything, and I still love the show and a lot of fanworks dearly. I rewatch Lullaby for a Princess every few weeks, I reread Something Sweet To Bite every Halloween, and when I can’t sleep, I still find myself going to ObabScribbler or TheLostNarrator’s YouTube channels to find fic readings to calm my brain down.

Dream SMP is… more complicated. Obviously, if you know anything about it, you know all the shit that came out. I won’t get into that here because that’s not really a part of my experience? Just sort of a gross thing that overshadows it all, even though I was out of the fandom before any of that stuff was known. I actually got into it to bond with my little sister, she loved that stuff, and damn it all, but I got unironically sucked in by just the fantastic work that came out of a fandom surrounding a minecraft roleplay server lol. They aren’t wrong about the art that got made for those YouTubers, it’s all stunningly good. And it’s how I found Sad-ist’s animations on YouTube. Still subscribed to them, their work is always beautiful to watch, the old Dream SMP stuff and the new stuff. And I liked bonding with my sister over the bonkers minecraft lore. The end of that hyperfixation was when Technoblade died. Got too real, all of a sudden, too close to home, and I peaced out hard. It was good, though, while I was there. I liked having something to talk to my sister about.

Uhhhh okay out of that downer ending let’s talk about Sherlock. Yes hi hello original superwholock-er here, despite only seeing the first two seasons of doctor who but IT COUNTS. I can’t even be mad at past me for liking Sherlock because I probably wouldn’t be as close to my friends as I am if we hadn’t all been watching s3-4 live. And dunking hard on s4. I was never a johnlock conspiracy person, so that helps. There was the time my friend read us outloud some Johnlock mpreg ass birth fanfic in math class. That was… an experience. I give this a “I can’t plug my phone in without being haunted by his voice”/10

And finally, back to serious town, Harry Potter. I don’t even have anything good to say here, really. The whole “mourning something important to my childhood” phase is long over, the damage continues to be done, and. And nothing. I just don’t want to see it anymore. It’s not shame or cringe, I guess, it’s more like… disappointment. Not at myself, because fuck it, dude, I was a kid, I knew everything there was to know about the books, I waited for the mail when I turned eleven, I wrote “Hogwarts is my Home” on the inside of my closet like a ward to keep me safe. The first thing I ever read about being trans was a damn Harry Potter fic, one of the first podfics I ever made, too, though I was too chicken to post it. So what’s left except disappointment, even the anger long gone because it just keeps happening. I just don’t want to see it anymore.

Anyway, uhhhhm. Hope that suffices as an answer lol, I rambled on way too long.