#except for my group of best friends who as we're older now since we went to high school the late 00s did not find out we were queer until

[banannabethchase]

I'm listening to the audiobook of "I Kissed Shara Wheeler", and oh boy the line where Georgia says they need Chloe because, as the bisexual, she's the only one in their gay friend group who can do math resonates way harder than it needed to.

[killersfool]

You Might Get What You Want | ROBERT KEATING

PAIRING: robert keating x original f!character

GENRE: childhood frenemies to lovers

SUMMARY: lucia (luz), nieve ella’s keyboardist, has an estranged history with inhaler—especially with the band’s bassist, bobby. their fiery hatred for eachother rapidly blossoms into something sweet, especially when she learns that he wrote a song about her.

WORDS: 5.8k

WARNINGS: kissing, swearing, alcohol use, mild sexual content

Being Nieve Ella's keyboardist has completely altered the course of my life. Only eight months ago, I was doing my second year of uni, trying to get through a Music course and completely regretting all of my life choices. My favourite part of the day would be getting home and sitting at my piano, writing songs and posting them on Tiktok. Views racked up, followers kept coming in and I think I realised how well everything was going when Laufey commented on my cover of 'Like The Movies'. Then about two weeks later, an email shot through my phone—literally like a bullet to skin. I dropped the rectangular device to the ground mid-lecture, hand on my mouth, teeth in my lip. 

Nieve Ella had asked me to join her on tour. With Inhaler.

At first I was laughing, then I was bawling with endless tears of happiness and now I'm on my final show still feeling woozy and adrenaline is banging through my brain. The whole band have become my best friends. And, quite shockingly, me and Inhaler have a weird shared history. I've known them since I was really young. I used to watch their first gigs at tiny venues where they'd run around in the crowd and hardly anyone knew the lyrics. I went to the same school as Bobby, Eli and Ryan who were a bunch of madmen. They'd let me hang out with them backstage or at practice and jam before they finally found a 'proper' keyboardist (Louis). To be honest, I'd always been slightly salty that I never got into the band. But I guess we were never close enough and I could be quite horrible to Bobby — but honestly, he deserved it. He was a whiny, teenage nightmare. Still is. Except he's not a teenager anymore.

Thankfully, Nieve Ella and the band take a train separate to Inhaler. I don't have to hear Bobby's jests 24/7.  Today we're heading to Dublin. The final stop of the Cuts and Bruises tour. It's been a long ride but it's all been worth it. I've had the best time ever. I'm listening to the Strokes, a song Bobby recommended to me a few weeks ago. It's been on my mind ever since and I can't stop hearing the same chords and riffs over and over. Even when my headphones leave my ears. The song is 12:51 and funnily enough Bobby has a tattoo right on his bicep with those exact numbers. The lads gave us a rather enjoyable tattoo tour with reasons for each of their inked designs. 

I lay back my head against the cushioned seat.  I like this, I prefer it to what I was doing before. The constant stress, the exams,  the structure. I like the freedom of doing shows and seeing new people and travelling to new places. Never sure what you're in for. Crowd after crowd with all different energies and enthusiasm. The adrenaline rush is the best part of the day but when you wake up the following morning, it's like the life has been sucked out of you. You feel like nothing. Human. A person with legs and arms. Flailing around with no thoughts in your head. A billion times worse than a hangover. Post concert depression.  The lull after such a powerful high. It's nice to go through that hell with a group of friends who all feel the same way. Becomes a strange group therapy.

For the past hour, I've been begging Josh to tell me what is on the set list. I'm praying they'll add some different songs. Older ones. Seeing as it's the last show of the tour. Something to surprise the fans. Maybe 'Falling In' or 'There's No Other Place' or even my favourite 'You Might Get What You Want'. That was one that was written when Rob was the lead singer of the band. When I'd bang the keys in that garage. When we'd sing the lyrics together and sound like an awful church choir. I never got the chance to listen to it live, performed properly by the band. I'm still heartbroken they didn't leave it on the track list for the album. I have to resort to listening to illegal Spotify versions. 

I feel like crying everytime I remember this is the last show I might ever do with Inhaler. The last time I might see the lot of them. They'll surely disappear off into the shadows once tour is over, making their next album, cutting off all contact to focus solely on their music. After spending so much time with a group of people, then completely losing them from your life, you just feel so very empty. Like a swimming pool with no water. Or a mug of tea left hollow after spilling it all by accident. Last night — I would never dare to admit this to anyone — I cried for two hours straight into the pillow of my hotel room. Tour is a glorious thing. Fun, exciting, terrifying all at the same time. But the thought of finality is what split me into pieces, broke me up and squeezed tear after tear from my eyes.

Fran keeps looking at me with raised eyebrows like she's about to ask a question. She's scribbling on her set list, making sure she knows exactly what's happening and when. Her earrings twinkle as she tilts her head, her eyeliner sharp and perfect. Her mouth parts the slightest bit to reveal white teeth, a small smile. "You alright there, Luz?"

God, anytime someone asks me that, it makes me want to cry ten times more. I look down the train compartment, stare at the bathroom and decide whether to make my move. Do I run and hide in there for the duration of the trip, two hours of crying into mouldy train toilet paper? Or do I try to brave it and tell her how I feel? Or just lie through gritted teeth? She's good at reading me. She'll know that I'm not telling the truth.

"Don't tell Nieve this but I feel like absolute shite." There it is. I said it. Fire sinks into my skin, blood rushes up to my head. I squeeze my cheek to make sure I am actually sitting here and that I'm not hallucinating. Lack of sleep had made me seem some weird shit. I need caffeine. Quick.

"We all do." Fran puts her hand on top of mine. "Look, one more show, then we can sleep for as long as we want."

"That's the thing. I don't want this to end."

Fran gets up from her seat and swivels around the table. She sits down beside me, arms opening up and embraces me until I think I see stars. No one has ever hugged me so tightly. My bones seem to audibly shift. 

"Nieve's doing a few shows in February, remember? And I'm sure next time Inhaler tours, they'll be on their hands and knees begging for us to come back." She strokes my hair. "Although, Bobby might be telling us to bugger off instead. You two need to sort out this drama. It's driving us all mad."

"He started it." I sound like a three-year-old irritated at my brother. 

Fran laughs to herself. "Fucking hell. I bet he did." 

—

Arguing. It's happened again. Our last day together has gone to a great start.

First stop of the day—a random restaurant that Ryan dragged us to. Hugs were shared, kind words uttered, teeth glowing under dim lights. I sit down on a wooden chair, peel my jacket from my body and place it on the back. The cool wind is slamming against the windows. I'd forgotten how cold Dublin was. Especially in November. Some Christmas lights adorn the streets and pubs are lively with masses of people. We were stopped a only once on the way there by a group of fans—even our attempt at scuttling through empty alleyways didn't work when five friends with Inhaler-themed cowboy-hats impeded our trail. They were lovely. Photos taken and compliments exchanged. Sadly, Bobby was in a bad mood. When I say a bad mood, I mean a 'I want to kill everyone on this planet and throw myself on a train track' kind of bad mood. He hid away from the fans, behind me and Nieve. His height wasn't particularly helpful in that instant. The blonde, 'Amelie', had said in her thick French accent, "Is that Bobby? I was wondering where he was."

Caught. Found. He thought staying there for a while longer would make them think he wasn't there at all. Amelie was persistent, however, and said softly, "Please could I take a picture with you?" 

Her friends all started whispering. Eli was tapping his friend on the shoulder to get him to move. He was frozen. Eli frowned and shook his head. 

"Sorry but Rob's being a bit weird today," Josh explained. "I don't think he wants any photos."

Amelie nodded, but the sadness in her eyes was apparent. "That's okay."

I felt bad for the girl. I turned around, looked at Bobby. He was on his phone. Scrolling through Tiktok still crouched down. A quick look at his phone screen showed me that he was watching edits — edits of himself. I had to take a double take to actually believe what I'd just seen. He was staring at clips of himself, smiling, and wouldn't even stand for five seconds next to a girl who'd paid to see his band. He continued to swipe his thumb against the screen, blue eyes lit up by his bright phone.

Then his eyes caught mine and he closed the Tiktok tab. "You didn't see that, did you?" He worriedly spoke so unbelievably quickly, I had to scramble my brain to decipher the words. His smile flipped upside down. Shock written all over him. Blush rising right up to the tips of his ears. 

"The hell is wrong with you?" I muttered. Nieve heard. She stepped away. She did not want to be involved in whatever the two of us were plotting. 

"What's wrong with me?" He breathed. It's like he was asking himself the question but there was an unyielding harshness to his voice, raspy and agitated. I was sure that this argument was going to be just as bad as the Sid Vicious incident, or worse. Halloween Bobby was on a different wavelength — bordering on depravity.

"You're watching fucking Tiktok edits of yourself. Didn't think you could be that self-centered—"

"Can we not do this now? Please?" Bobby tried to get me to calm down. Amelie and her friends were still only metres away, asking Josh about the tour, about the next album. Fran was listening in. She was smiling to herself. Part of her definitely enjoyed the beef between us. 

"Show me your Tiktok."

"No."

"Now."

He sighed. I grabbed his phone, opened Tiktok straight away. His whole 'For You' page was edits of himself. The account he was on was a fake user account. I couldn't believe my eyes.

"What the hell..." Was all I could manage to say.

"I can explain."

"Can you? Go on then."

He didn't say anything. Took his phone back and kicked the brick wall beside him. He shook his phone around like he was going to throw it as well. That wouldn't change anything. I'd seen the worst of it — at least I hoped I'd seen the worst of it.

"Take that photo with those girls and I'll shut up about this." I gave him an option. A way to let him get out of the hole he'd dug for himself. 

He was so tall. Sometimes I forgot that. But there, back straight, no longer slouched and his neck craned to meet my eyes. I couldn't hold eye contact. His clenched jaw was making me nervous. 

"Fine." He finally concluded the argument with a single word. His index finger then pointed towards me, just beneath my neck. "But you don't tell anyone about this."

I grinned. "I promise." 

Stepping over towards Amelie, he smiled widely, put an arm over her shoulder and allowed Fran to take the picture of the group. Moments later he was complaining about his shoes. How they were too small. If Robert Keating had a chance to complain about anything, he'd take it and wouldn't shut up about it. I just knew at that point that we'd be hearing about his shoes for the rest of the day.  

Tension is thick in the restaurant. I can almost taste it in my mouth. Rob sits beside me. I don't want to look at him, don't want to hear him talk, don't want to have anything to do with him. He's only the only person I won't miss once this tour is over.

Before anyone can get a word out, Eli taps his fork against his glass. All eyes fall to him. Grace is next to him, she's appeared out of nowhere. 

"I just want to say thank you to Nieve, Fran, Lucia, Finn and Matt for being such great openers on our tour. We're so grateful for all of you. This wouldn't have been the same without you."

"Aw, Eli, I might cry a bit, please stop." Nieve shakes her head, holding her napkin to her eyes. "This has been such a dream. We should be thanking you for giving us this opportunity."

"We need to do this again sometime." Ryan pitches in. "Next time we tour, you're coming with us."

"Yeah. That would be grand," Josh exclaims, pulling up his pint of Guinness and crashing it against everyone else's.

Bobby, after all his hours of complaining, has gone back to silent, angry mode. Playing around with his fork, he stares blankly at the menu, fingers tracing the lettering. I watch him as the others melt into conversation. I just want to know what is going through his head. Why is he acting like this? Last week, he was fun to be around and we had a good time. Especially when he's drunk, he loosens up a bit and stops with the facade. He even kissed me once. As a joke. I think.

It was a mess of alcohol. A 'midnight tour bus party'. We were in London and instead of going to the hotel, we ended up spending the night in the lovely green tour bus. We all got so drunk we could hardly speak. I can't remember all that we got up to but when we were sobering up, Bobby dragged me outside of the bus. He gave me his jacket, placed it over my shoulders. We sat down on a random doorstep, hugging each other to keep warm. Two penguins. Two people who usually hated eachothers guts, finding comfort in the warmth that emanated from our bodies. I'd never thought his hair was nice until that moment. How it grazed over my neck. How the curls twisted perfectly and his overgrown mullet framed his face. Or how pretty his eyes were as they shone under streetlights. Dreamy, long eyelashes, sea-like waves. He'd kissed me. His long fingers over my cheeks. His pink lips slotting between mine. I pulled away, shocked. Electricity had sparked between us, my heart was pounding, my body was a torch. Then I ran away from him. I couldn't understand what If just felt. I had never seen him in that way. We never mentioned it again.

Maybe that's what has made him colder. I still haven't acknowledged what happened that night. I keep thinking that he was too drunk to even remember it, but maybe he does. I'm not going to bring it up. Especially now. Especially in this restaurant with everyone sat with us.

"I'm sorry, Lucia."

My heart drops. Bobby is looking at me. Downcast. Entire state is disjointed. His mouth just said that, his brain just formulated those words. 

"What?" I must've heard him wrong. Imagining it. This time I must be hallucinating.

"I'm sorry about that night."

Mindreader. He knew what I was thinking about. What my mind has been lingering on. The weather reminds me, his scent reminds me, his hands remind me, his jacket reminds me. That night. London. The night after Troxy. The wind — cut-throat, sharp, steely — the rain, and my tear-stained bedsheets. The taste of his mouth and the dejction locked into his eyes as I left him. Like I'd made a terrible mistake. Like running into my hotel room, alone, was the worst possible option I could've chosen. 

I'm wearing the same earrings as I did that night — these ribbon ones that a fan made for me. Bobby had pointed them out — which he shifted between his fingertips and said they suited me. He's eyeing them now, hands curving, resisting any urge to touch them again, to drag us back to that moment. 

The waiter takes my order. Bobby's words properly forage the depths of my mind, the veins and the arteries circling around my body, the aching crevices of my heart. I ask for the first thing I see on the menu and a Fanta. I want to stay sober. I want to savour all that will happen beyond this second. Bobby also doesn't get alcohol. Shockingly. The Bobby I know would never turn down a pint of Guinness. But he gets a 7up instead and takes a long, hard gulp of it when the waiter comes back. I'm counting the cracks on the table, how squeaky the chair is, the coffee stain on the ceiling — trying to guess how they managed to get up there. Musicians like to occupy their brains. They don't like to think too much - just do. 

"I'm sorry..." I whisper. Finally giving him a reponse after a long pause for thought. 

He had been waiting for an answer. He catches it. Twists uneasily in his seat. Wood creaks. Rain patters.

"...It was wrong of me to leave you." The image of his despair still rings through my bones. I swear when my cells divide they keep trying to recreate that look on his face.

"I shouldn't have..." his voice lowers, heat pf his mouth glides by my ear "...kissed you."

I'm trying to drink my Fanta with no reaction. Sugary greatness. Cold, slightly wet fingers. Orangey flavouring. But his voice is so low, trickling, burning, goosebump-inducing. I can't look at him. He's too close to me. It's too hot in the restaurant. Soundcheck is in 20 minutes. I want to run away again. I always want to run away. 

Down my Fanta, smooth my skirt, breathe in deeply. 

"I liked it." I similarly glide my lips over his ear when he's least expecting it, returning the favour.

He coughs. Chokes a bit on his drink. Then he eats his Pesto pasta with the pinkest neck I've ever seen on a person. Jacket off to reveal long, tattoo-covered arms, and the muscles that have progressively been getting bigger over the months. I join Ryan and Matt's drummer conversation to stop staring. It's weird. Being attracted to him feels wrong. Teenage Lucia would be ashamed. She’d slap some sense into me.

Dinner ends quickly. We're thrusted back into Dublin air before we can even adjust to the complete switch in environment. Running to the venue, through alleyways, shooting splashes of water all over the place, we realise how late we are. I feel better than I did in the morning. That dreaded train ride. Bobbys giving me the silent treatment again. I hate it. I hate it more than when he's being downright horrible to me. 

-

Our set was unbelievable. The best show I've ever done. The crowd was unreal, the size of the place was absurd. We had never sounded so great. Everything went according to plan. We're crying now that we're offstage. We need something to uplift us. Nieve's idea is to party in the back. Which is one of the best parts of the night.

We find a spot just before Inhaler goes on. Screams bleed through the room, adoration written in teenage faces, phones held up to capture the moment. The five lads on stage. One final time. I scream like I'm sixteen all over again, dancing as the first song 'These Are The Days' begins to play. Shouting along, throwing my hands in the air. I don't think I've ever been so happy and fulfilled before.

The setlist is the usual. I didn't expect them to change it. Eli gives a little 'thank you' speech, mentioning us at the end. Then suddenly encore starts and I'm met by a mildly unfamiliar song. The crowd seems just as confused as I am. Bobby is wearing that stupid black vest and I swear his bass has been lowered all the more. The next time they perform, it'll surely be grazing the floor. 

Bobby doesn't normally speak to the crowd at shows. It's always Eli. But as they play the intro, he begins to speak, "Hi everyone. Hope you're all having a good time." Commotion, screams, chanting 'Bobby' as if it's a cult gathering, not a concert. His eyes are searching through the crowd. The party in the back turned into moshpits and luckily I got pushed near to the front. His eyes land on mine. I can tell he's looking at when he plays with his earring — like it's a code between us. He keeps playing the same few notes on the bass lazily as he grabs the mic stand. Everyone is silent and listening as he says, "This is 'You Might Get What You Want'.

I recognise it now. I'm sent back to high school. 6 years ago. Practice room at school. Instrument cases strewn all over tha place, broken drumsticks leant against the wall. I'm sat at the piano as Bobby announces, "This is a new song I wrote." He passes me the chords starts singing. My thoughts are quiet. The external world is too loud for me to think. I'm lost in the music. The song is beautiful — lyrics, chords, arrangement, Bobby's voice. That was the day when I wanted to ask to join the band. Then Bobby was horrible to me so I changed my mind. I even asked him what the song was about. He looked at the Jim Morrison poster on the door, hand against his buzzed head as he thought up a response. "A girl," was his final conclusion. I thanked him for his specificity. He told me, quite frustratedly, it was 'none of my business'. Then he was riled up and told me to leave because I was 'playing it all wrong'. One of the last times I ever played with the band. So when I hear the song again — I'm back, sitting at the piano with my school uniform, waiting for cues to play the next chord.

The crowd goes wild at the fact that Bobby is singing alone. This is unusual. The majority of the crowd don't know the song. Reminds me of their first gigs in tiny venues. I sing along, staring at Bobby as he stares back. I wonder which girl the song was actually about. At seventeen, he hung out with every girl in sight - parties, random town meetups, gigs. The way he is looking at me is shattering me down to my core — eyes painted with affection and how he keeps moving his earring. For some reason, I wish the song is about me. Then he sings, 'You Might Get What You Want' whilst pointing right at me. Has anyone else noticed his staring? Nieve and Fran seem clueless. It could all be in my head. His face appears on the screen. I stare. Not ashamed. Appreciating his beauty for as long as we have left. Only tonight. Then nothing. Only the possibility of seeing eachother once again. It won't be set in stone.

I'm a sweaty mess by the end of the show. Last goodbyes, last waves, last shocked stares at the extent of the crowd. I always forget how boiling it gets in the standing area. I'm almost at the point of suffocating. We leave with the crowd, taking a few selfies with fans along the way. I stand in the merch queue. I need something to remember this. Something I can keep and wear and just be brought back to this venue, to this atmosphere. I buy a black tour shirt with the bubbly lettering, slipping it over my tank top. I just know the change in temperature will murder me. The more layers I have on, the better.

We slip through the crowd. Thankfully, it's quieter after my long time in the merch queue. I'd never seen such a long amalgamation of people. 

Back at the hotel, I crash straight down onto my bed. Don't even turn on the lights or take off my clothes. I just close my eyes and stretch out my body like a cat. It all happened too quickly. I left the band early to head back, although I heard the rest of them were going to the tour bus to get drunk. I've already had so much fun. I just need to relax. Alone time. Silence. Comfort.

A knock on the door.

I jump up. Still in my Inhaler shirt and lacy white skirt, I feel like taking a shower. But whoever just knocked has impeded any plans. I could just pretend I didn't hear them. I could fall asleep and they'll just walk away. 

Another knock. I jolt up this time. It's louder.

This time I reach the door. Sliding the keyhole open, I see him. Of course it's him. Of course. Of all the people that could be here right now. His hair is wet, mussed up. He's holding his jacket under his arm as it's completely drenched. Looking from side to side, he seems to contemplate giving up and leaving me solitary.

I open the door. Let my guard down. I want to talk. Rant. Let out all the garble mixing up and stuffing my skull. He'd listen to me. 

"What are you doing here?" I ask. I don't say it rudely. Make sure to keep my tone quiet and curious. The rise of his head to meet my eyes is almost film-like, tracing along my skin, photographic.

"I need to talk to you."

"Come in then." 

Close the door behind him. He drops his jacket onto the floor. Slides off those shoes with a groan. They really are too small on him. He can hardly untie the laces without sucking in a quick breath. He looks at himself in the dodgy mirror, trying to fix any flying pieces of hair. His beard is growing a little — little moustache fading in above his mouth.

He sits down on a chair by the table.  His lengthy legs reach up to the end of the bed where I'm sat. He picks up a tea bag, sniffs it then puts it back. I'm worried about what he's about to say. He looks like he's gone through hell and back to get here. I've never seen him so dishevelled. 

"You were amazing today." I hate the silence. I fill it up. "You all get better every time."

He's been so serious since he came in but the ghost of a smile haunts his lips. They twitch then fall. "So do you."

“Is this about your weird For You page because I’m pretty fucking worried.” I’m trying to forget I saw any of those edits. 

“It’s not that.” He shakes his head. He's hugging his chest, arms shivering. My eyes narrow. Each hair on his arm is stood to attention.

"Do you want a blanket?" I'm about to look for something to warm him up when his hand clasps around my wrist. He's stood up. I'm sat down, looking up at him. His thumb traces the inside of my wrist, over a bracelet I have. One that he gave me when I was sixteen. A friendship bracelet he'd brought to one of the rehearsal sessions. I wore it just to get a reaction out of him. This is the first time he’s noticed it. 

I want to ask him what he's doing. But then he's sat next to me with his arms around my body and I forget what I was going to say. 

"Robert..." I don't normally say his full name. It's the only word that's coming to mind. His wet hair is dripping all over my skirt, his head is against my chest, he won't look up at me.

When I pick up his face, stretch my hands over his cheeks, I find his crystal eyes glossed over. Tears. He's crying. I don't know how to react. He buries his head back into the crook of my neck like he's embarrassed. Then he's breathing heavily. Heaving. Sniffling.

"What is it?" I whisper. I stroke every inch of his hair, the nape of his neck, the thin material of his vest. I trace the tattoos on his arm. Finally landing on the music notation inked into his wrist.

"I don't want you to leave." He holds onto my waist, under my shirt, cold skin. "Stay here. With me. Please."

I wipe the tears from his face. I must look like a beetroot. I'm boiling. 

"Really?" I think I'm crying as well. I can't help it. This is the first time I’ve ever seen him so unguarded, so helpless.

"I only sang that song so you'd hear it." He looks up at the ceiling, cogs turning in his brain. "It's not just about a girl. It's about you."

"You're kidding." I have to laugh. 

"I'm not. I wrote it during the summer holidays before high school. I had some weird thought that you were going to call me and ask me out. I was always a prick to you so I don't know where that idea was coming from exactly. It's just when you want something so badly—I guess your brain manifests it into reality. Like every time I turned around a corner, I thought you'd magically appear. I thought you'd say that you liked me. But then you went off to Uni, the band got big. And now this. You're in fucking Nieve Ella's band. I thought I was going to throw up when I saw you get out of the train. Everything just came back. I didn't put the song on the album because every time I hear it, I just remember what an idiot I am for not treating you well and for not telling you how I feel. Singing it brought me back to the practice room, to that shitty piano with pedals falling off the hinges. How you made such a disgusting piano sound divine. I don't want to make the same mistake. If I let you go now, I'll be regretting it for the rest of my life."

"So you were looking at me? When you were singing?" I tilt my head, thumb below his eye. 

"I might have been." He's not crying anymore. His voice is less rough. He sounds like normal Bobby again.

"I'll stay with you. As long as you want."

"Forever?"

"Bit too long. I can only deal with you for about three hours at a time."

"Then we should make good use of the—" He looks down at his watch. "—Two hours and 43 minutes we have left."

"What do you have planned?" I'm getting closer to him. His nose bumps against mine.

"What do you want to do, Luz?" He's challenging me. Thumb swirling over my lips. 

"This." I kiss him. Lips to lips. Two notes in perfect harmony. Everything we've been through culminating into one simple kiss. It's a peck. A tease. I pull away as I feel him yank me closer. 

His hands find my ears and it's like that night again. His mouth tastes the same. Sweet. Lukewarm. He still grazes my bottom lip with his teeth when he feels me shift back. 

"You're an angel," he says.

At that, I'm kissing him again. This time with more passion. Exploding fireworks. Jumping into the ocean, water floating around you. The ringing in your eyes after an explosion. An earthquake. A tidal wave. So many feelings at once. He's trying to take my shirt off. I let him. Pulled it over my head so quickly I thought he might get my neck off as well. He throws it onto the nearby chair, looking at me, with those glimmering eyes and perfect eyebrows. Beauty spots and smooth skin. I attempt to take off his shirt too, although it's pretty much stuck to his chest. He helps me out, laughing at my stress. 

"It's not that hard." He smirks, tugging at the top as I manage to unstick the bottom. 

"Fuck off." I roll my eyes. 

He pushes me down onto the bedsheets, helping me up until my head is on the pillow. I look over his frame. Long torso, large biceps, chain around his neck. It's too much to deal with. Hooded eyes, smirk on his lips, happy trail leading down to his belt. He knows how he's making me dizzy. He leans down, curling over me, scent hanging, cool skin against mine. I throw my head back. I've never been touched like this. So precise. So gentle. Like I'm his favourite bass guitar. I'd never noticed how long his fingers were until they were splayed over my bra, until the other hand was sliding up my thigh.

He kisses my neck, my shoulders, my collarbones, the valley between my breasts, tongue flat, teeth sharp. I hold onto his hair, then onto his toned shoulders. This morning, I would never have expected that this would happen. That the boy I loathed was admiring me and tasting me with unrelenting adoration. Now, the thought of leaving him makes me sick to my stomach. I pull him a little closer, kiss him a little harder and remember just how red teenage Bobby's face was after he'd sang that song to me. How defensive he was when I asked him about it. Now it all makes sense.

I won't ever leave him again.

[notesfromthepalace]

Convos

Something that seems to find its way back in to my conversation with my friends, sister and boyfriend is that I have had a very interesting life that most women who look like me may have never experienced or may not ever experience. And these conversations usually follows the listed topics:

Dating

Education

Standards

Self-esteem

Recently, my sister came to visit me. I am really thankful for the relationship we have; We're more than sisters, we're soul mates. I am also thankful for the fact that my sister and boyfriend really have that bro/sis bond which really warms my heart.

Yes, so when we were driving my sister to the airport to catch her flight, we began having a conversation about our upbringings. For instance, my boyfriend went to boarding school from his early years until completion of high school, my sister and I (although we went to public school), lived in a very diverse community that had options for us both to play soccer, lacrosse, and cheerleading, along with play the violin. This seemed pretty normal to me, but they both made it clear that I was living in "Lala land".

I have an idea of what the poverty rates are for Black America, and I also know that even though we do not all embody the stereotypes that society likes to impose on all Black people, could it be possible that a vast majority of us exemplify those stereotypes daily? That was the basis of our disagreement for two hours.

For me, when I look at my friendship circle and break it all down: we all grew up in two parent/married households, we all played sports and instruments, we all had cars by 16, and we all went and graduated from college. So yes, it does amaze me that being in my close girlfriend circle, and also making new friends with other Black women where that is there background as well, I was thinking we made up at least 45% of the Black population in America.

Wrong.

And to my dismay by the way.

But after wrestling with the fact for weeks, I can understand now why people believe that I am an exception or an anomaly. And this is not me saying that Black people are a monolith either. I am just a part of a small group that I didn't believe to be this small.

Let's start with dating.

We all know I love my African King.

But even before we started dating, I always had an affinity for foreign men and older men 30+. And since the age of 21, if a man showed interest in me, there was no "Netflix and chill" or come over. If you're interested, show me, prove it to me. Now, did I ever say that, girl no! But how I carried myself as a young women spoke enough for me.

For example, when I was 21, I lived in the Poconos of Pennsylvania while I was interning at a pharmaceutical company. There were two men who were very interested in me that I met at the gym. One was a Columbian who was 31 years old and the other was an Ecuadorian man who was 28 years old. The 31 year old Columbian was a marine, and our first date was an all expense paid trip to a spa with full body massages, facials and champagne. Never did I kiss this man, sleep with this man, nothing. We simply would go out to dinner and meet up in the gym to workout. The 28 year old was a restaurant owner and our first date was him closing down his restaurant with a beautiful Ecuadorian feast prepared by himself, and the next date was a shopping spree. Again, both of these dating experiences were strictly platonic. And If I am completely honest, I have always been like this. With my current boyfriend, we didn't even kiss until he officially asked me to be his girlfriend friend, and that was a month after we had started going on dates. When I have had conversations with some new girlfriends, they were astonished. The older ones are even more surprised, that was how I was moving even as a 21 years old.

And let me tell you, that summer was also the year I turned 21 and the best summer of my life. Summer 2019 was a movie.

Education.

Now, I consider myself a lover of academia: I love school, I love learning, I love research. I understand that to be considered an "academic", you need to have a PhD, but for me, I believe I am a Black Academic; I am a black woman who has educated herself on black studies while in college and during my personal time, I also have a degree in chemistry, I have two IT Certifications, and I am currently embarking on my nursing journey. So for me, as a woman who has a degree, certifications, obtaining another degree, traveled and well read, I am my own version of a Black Academic.

36.1% of Black women have degrees. But that 36.1%, are they the ones pushed to the front when the world speaks about Black women?

No.

Standards.

I am so grateful for the father that I had. I have high standards because of him. My father came to America from Haiti, worked day in and day out, to support his family and give us everything we wanted and needed. He also worked while attending school obtaining a dual degree in engineering and business management. That being said, if that was the father I had, what would ever make someone believe that I would accept any form of treatment subpar to that. I believe in a man being the head of the home, which comes with specific responsibilities. And when I felt like someone didn't meet that metric, I kindly declined their advances.

Now, not only are my standards high when it comes to finding a husband, but my standards are high with every aspect of my life. Due to my parents providing me with a great childhood, I could only go higher/further. I have been able to provide myself with the same, if not better, of a life.

I have made my home my sanctuary. All that comes in and out are prayers and good vibes. So there is a certain level of rift raft that I do not allow access to not only my life, my home, my energy, etc. There are plenty people I do not talk to anymore, there are places I don't go - I know my worth and value and best believe, I have added tax.

High Self-Esteem.

I also believe there are certain things I refuse to subject myself too because my self-esteem is through the roof. I left my old profession because I think too highly of myself, and was no longer willing to be in a space that had me acting out of character.

Essentially, the previous organization I am referring to, and have referred to in other blog posts, is the army. And this will not be a "army-bashing" post. The army isn't bad, its most of the individuals who are running it. Essentially, most of the personnel I had run ins with lacked a personality outside of their rank or title and were bothered that I was "Sarah Chanel", not "army person Sarah". So, once my time was up, I eloquently removed myself, it no longer served me to be there, and its okay. But when I would talk to people who I thought were mentors to me within the army, women of color specifically, they tried to encourage me to stay in. Not knowing I had observed how their professional and personal lives were, and with all do respect, no thank you. Again, I think too highly of myself to force myself to stay somewhere simply for recognition or the "want to belong". I am a child of the Most High and very, very, very, highly favored, that longing does not exist for me.

I feel like this was a lot, but that is honestly what most of my conversations have consisted of over the last year - and politics - but I will not get into that here.

Again Sissy Poohs, I will be better. I promise!

With Love,

Sarah Chanel

[engbergsinfinland]

When we kept past travel blogs, I typically posted everyday, which was a great way for me to stay on top of what we'd done and remember the names of places we went and all our details! Now that I'm only posting to this one twice a week, I feel like I'm forgetting and leaving out so much! I'll do my best to capture a little bit of what we've done since last Friday.

Over the weekend the weather wasn't very cold. But, there were periods of nice sunshine; however, rain storms kept popping up. Once on Saturday, while I was on an outing with Alex, we got caught in a big rainstorm and had to take shelter in the central market square under a cafe umbrella. It was just pouring. But they had a large screen TV that was showing the Olympics, so at least we were entertained.

I'm not sure if I mentioned that we live right across the street from the main train station in a old building, on a street called Ratautienkatu (which means like "train station street"), on the top floor, in a very nice three-bedroom apartment, which Tampere University is providing for us. There are buses and trams readily available both on our street and right around the corner, on the main drag (Hämeenkatu). All the shopping anyone could ever want is available just out our doorstep. There are also many nice restaurants all around and some really happenin' bars on the ground floor of our building; beer-drinking seems to be going on at one of the bars from the earliest hours we've been out, like 9 a.m. (no we haven't gone out very early yet; that's about to change!). We discovered that those can be quite noisy over the weekend. But with the double windows all Finnish buildings have, most of the noise is kept out, except for the booming bass, which seemed to go until after 5:00 a.m. on Saturday morning. We all had a bit of a rocky go of it with sleeping over the weekend. I did the best of all of us. It was more a jet-lag thing than it was a nightclub-interference thing.

Basically, over the weekend, we had lots of running around to do. While our apartment has all of the basics we might need, there were lots of things we knew we would need to get when we got here. The kids were desperate, for example, to get rollerblades and we needed to get them some back-to-school supplies. My childhood friend Ryley, who lives in Norway, tipped me off to the fact that her kids just go to school with a backpack and their pencil box. I knew our kids would not need to take much, but I wasn't hip to this pencil-box concept. I looked up a woman on WhatsApp who I had communicated with through the "English-speaking Mums in Tampere" Facebook group, whose kids will go to my kids' school, and I contacted her. She told me that back to school information was sent last week through the school's app (Wilma), but we were not yet associated with the app, so I was totally in the dark! She explained to me what was needed and then the kids and I went to this adorable bookstore/stationery store (Suomalainen Kirjakauppa, which means "Finnish Bookshop"), in one of the malls nearby and asked the employee there to help us determine what they would need for a pencil box. Cece brought a snap box from home and she filled it with all of her school supplies that she had, and Rowan got a new black zipper pouch. I think we're all set in the pencil box department now! 🙃

Other weekend highlights were me going to a used sewing machine store where the older woman that ran it only spoke Finnish. That was a real adventure. The least expensive used machine she had was a 1970 Husqvarna Viking (similar to this one, but all tan, not brown) with interchangeable cams. It was so amazing. But it weighed like 100 lb, so it wasn't practical. But it was really neat to think about it and to watch some YouTube videos about that amazing machine. We also went to a really cool flea market and didn't buy anything, but they had some neat pitchers with pour spouts (like this, but purple) designed by Kaj Franck, who I actually mention in a book chapter of the project I'm working on right now. And finally we went to an all-you-can-eat sushi buffet, and it was incredible. Perhaps I'm just paranoid but at places that are all-you-can-eat buffets, I always worry that I'm going to get food poisoning, but we all cleared that hurdle with no issues. We also did several long walks and checked out where the kids school is. So relieved to know where that is!

Finally, on Monday, we went first-thing to a skate shop that happens to be in the lower level of a woman's house and we got the kids' ice skates for the season (the first brand-new skates they've ever had!). They started with their ice skating club yesterday (Varala-Tiimi) and had a great first session. It was really exciting for them to get going and to meet some other kids. Cece already made a friend who speaks some English and Rowan showed everyone how much zip he has, in the off-ice training ❤️

As for Eric, he's already worked out, gone swimming in a lake twice, gone swimming in the lovely public pool, and gone running. I have corresponded with my colleagues and will meet with one this week! Today is Tuesday and since it is the last summer-break day before school starts, we started it off at the pool and now we're heading to skating training.

A few quick observations: 1) we still can't register for anything (like a cell phone plan or a bank account) without our Finnish ID number and that'll be 4-6 weeks; 2) the weather has been incredible today, sunny and in the 70s; just delightful, 3) as we knew but are now experiencing everyday, the public transportation is incredible.

More in a few days! Take care, everyone 💝

[nothing-but-dreamy]

BLACK TIE

A/N: Thanks again for this idea @mindlessstories

I hope you have fun with it

Pairing: LEON KENNEDY x READER

Words: 1.736

Warnings: fluff, cursing, Leon in a suit

Synopsis: Yn and Leon are on a mission with fancy clothes. But somehow the mission is not the most interesting thing...

"W-What the bloody... What are you wearing?", Yn asked as she checked the appearance of the man in front of her. The guy was neatly dressed in a white suit shirt, black suit pants and a black jacket. Even a black tie was bound around the man’s neck. Quickly, Yn checked the number of the hotel room once again in fear she had mistaken it and might stand in front of some stranger. No, it was the right room and actually, it was also the right guy. It was just … even if it was part of the mission, Leon S. Kennedy had swapped his typical, casual leather jacket with a tuxedo. It was a sight for sore eyes. Unusually and at the same time, perfectly fitting as if Leon would be some kind of secret undercover supermodel instead of an agent.

Leon, amused about Yn’s big eyes and astonished expression, chuckled and stepped aside, letting his partner in who was still watching him as if he would be an alien. A handsome one but still. Leon closed the door, "It's a tuxedo. That's what you wear on a bow and tie event.", he explained and watched how Yn rolled with her eyes.

“I know what it is but to see you in it… and by the way! Black Tie, Kennedy! It’s called Black Tie! And not ‘bow and tie’.”, Yn explained for maybe the hundredth time since they both got assigned to this secret mission. In fact, the job was easy. A rich weapons dealer had started to ‘extend’ his sortiment with some BOWs. His business was flourishing. But instead of just catching him, Yn and Leon had decided it would be better to bug the dealer to get information about his clients as well. Therefore, they were able to dig out the whole nest.

“I don’t care what these events are called. They’re all the same. It’s just to show off how rich and important everyone is.”, Leon said and leant with crossed arms against the doorframe.

“I know how much you hate these things.”, Yn said, grabbed her bag and aimed for the bathroom to change her outfit as well, “But I have to admit, you look good in this tuxedo. It suits you.”, she said through the half closed door.

Leon smirked, “Oh, really? You know, maybe you could show me how much you like my outfit?”, he asked flirtatiously.

Yn opened the door again and stepped out, “Focus on the mission, Kennedy.”

Leon was hearing her words but his mind went kinda blank as he saw her robed in a floor-length, backless, black dress. The silky-soft fabric hugged all her curves perfectly and gave much input for many, many x-rated fantasies. Slowly, Leon’s eyes wandered upwards until he met her challenging glance. Slowly, he stepped forward with a smirk, “I might hate these events but I could get used to seeing you working in such a stunning outfit.”, Leon said low.

Yn saw dirty thoughts glittering behind his steel-blue eyes and smirked, “Take a picture, it might last longer. Come, we have to go.”, she said, passed Leon and knew that he was staring at her back all the way.

**

Thirty minutes later, Yn and Leon were entering a huge, pompous decorated ballroom. Chandeliers bathed the room in dim, atmospheric light. Soft jazz music played in the background. And obviously a whole diamond mine had exploded because it was sparkling and twinkling in each corner. The room was filled with high-society and in the middle of it two special agents who tried to fit into this kind of world.

“Shall we split up?”, Leon asked low.

Still with a wealthy smile on her lips, Yn shook her head, “Let us take a round together and then, if necessary, we split up.”, she said and linked her arm with Leon’s.

The idea had been good but quickly, they had to admit that the room was too stuffed with people. And because they searched for a guy, and everyone looked kinda the same in their black suits, they had difficulties finding their subject.

Evading into a quiet corner, Yn looked up at Leon, “That’s not working. There are too many people here. Alright, we split up. I walk around a bit. You could monitor the guys who are without women like the group over there at the bar.”, she said and nodded unobtrusively into the said direction while putting a small intercom into her ear to activate it and gave Leon the other earpiece who mirrored her move. With a serious expression, her eyes met Leon’s, “If one of us finds him, the other one comes to the position.”, she said and was about to leave.

Leon held her back, “Be careful, okay?”, he said and looked her caringly but serious in the eyes.

She smirked, “Of course. I’m not the one with the reckless moves like fighting against infected dogs on a motorbike.”, and with that, she stepped back to vanish in the crowd.

Leon chuckled about her boldness and shook his head before he followed her idea to aim for the bar. He ordered a drink and while waiting for it, Leon looked left and right to check out the people around him if their target would be with them. Leon was just about to check an older man with salt-and-pepper hair as fragments of a conversation waved over to him, catching his attention.

“These women are all the same. Rich, wealthy and absolutely boring.”, one tall man said before taking a sip of his Whiskey.

“Yeah, or ugly. I mean, how many surgeries are really necessary? I get the impression that all these women here are just made out of plastic and silicone.”, another man said. He was a bit smaller than the first one.

Leon was just about to leave as the third guy said something that caught his attention to the point that he fully turned over to them, “You might be right except with this pretty thing over there. What? None of you haven’t seen her yet? Okay, then, she’s mine.”, the guy said and let it sound as if the woman was just a piece of meat and he was the lion to hunt it down.

Leon knew he had to focus on the mission and he really was about to leave the group of idiots behind but then, he noticed the way how the guy looked at the unaware victim. It was a lust filled glance that even Leon felt disgusted by the sight. The guy was pretty sure about himself that he would be successful to win the woman over this evening. The guy, tall, dark haired and looking like a lot of money, licked over his lips while his eyes showed that he looked at a point that was lower than the woman’s waist. Now more interested in who the innocent lamb might be, Leon followed the guy’s glance and felt how his blood ran hot and cold at the same time.

Yn stood there, talking with an older lady and facing the group of guys with her back. The dress gave a beautiful sight of her flawless skin. While she talked, her body moved beautifully and she even swayed a bit to the soft tune of the music so that her hair fell over her bare back, dancing a little through the air.

“You can’t have her! I saw her first. I just couldn’t say anything because I became speechless by her eyes.”, the first, tall guy said.

“By her eyes? Forget them! Look at her god damn ass. So round and juicy.”, the guy said and his eyes became filled with raw, sexual hunger.

That was enough for Leon to forget the mission for a moment as he walked over to the group, “I couldn’t miss hearing how you were talking about this young lady.” Leon said low, getting the attention of all three men at the same time, “Stay away from her. All of you. Or otherwise, things will turn ugly.”, he said with a kind of threat lingering in his voice.

One of the men stepped closer to Leon, slightly towering over the agent and looking down, “Who do you think you are, huh? Nothing we do is your concern.”

Not impressed at all, Leon stepped forward, holding the man’s glance, “She’s mine, get it? Therefore, yes, it concerns me how you are talking about her. So, do yourself a favor and stay away from her or I will become your worst nightmare. And trust me, I know what I’m talking about.”, Leon said threateningly, leaving no room for any further arguments.

The guy stared at Leon for several more moments and considered his best next step but in the end, the guy saw something in Leon’s eyes that told him to better back off. And after another few seconds, the guy stepped back, nodded to his friends and disappeared somewhere else.

Leon went back to his drink and emptied it in one big sip. As he placed the glass back on the counter, Yn stood already next to him, leaning against the bar with a smirk on her lips, "So, I'm yours, huh?", she asked low.

With a shock filled glance, he stared at her and swallowed thickly, "Oh, uhm... Well... I- I didn't like the way he looked at you.", he stammered with an apologetic glance.

Yn nodded, "Yes, I heard that.”, she said, tapping at her ear with her index finger to remind him of the intercom. As Yn saw his awkward smile, she stepped forward, “You know, to see you jealous and protective was kinda cute. But it was unnecessary, don't you think? I'm not your girlfriend."

Leon also stepped forward, a smirk was playing on his lips while he snaked his arm around her waist to bring her even closer, "Actually, we're just one date away that I can call you mine."

"Oh, really? Then, I would say we count this evening as a date, what do you think?", Yn suggested whispering against his lips which were just inches away.

"Deal.", Leon breathed before he kissed her. It was a deep kiss. Filled with hunger to show off to whom Yn belonged to. Yn tugged on his suit jacket to bring him even closer, knowing exactly where these clothes would land later this evening…

[andmyvape]

"Please tell me you're not wearing that."

Elayn looked down, then back up with a wide grin. She tugged at her bright rainbow suspenders with her thumbs. "What, not tacky enough?"

Serana gave the ensemble another slow scan. "No, it's… definitely tacky. The combat boots with the khaki shorts is a nice touch."

The grin got wider as she stuffed her hands into her pockets. "They're going to be throwing candy, and I wasn't anywhere near prepared enough last time."

Serana rolled her eyes, but softened it with a smile. "You're ridiculous."

"Isn't that why we're dating?" her girlfriend asked as they headed out the door.

She took a moment to lock up while Serana laughed. "'Careless Whisper' on a boom box outside my window. I can't believe my dad didn't kill you. I know you stole that, by the way. We both went to see that movie when it came out."

"They marketed it as a romcom!" Elayn protested.

They were in the car now. It would be a trick to find parking, but they were running early thanks to Serana's habit of scheduling everything. Elayn was more the type to go with the flow, but living together had her adapted enough that the flow she went with was largely dictated by Serana's schedule. As a research chemist, she worked interesting hours at times, but Elayn was a good roommate, she cooked and cleaned, mostly because she had the time. Lacrosse wasn't a well paying sport compared to something like soccer, but the off seasons gave her plenty of time to maintain their loft. 

"Five dollars an hour?" Elayn griped as the machine printed out their ticket. 

"Homophobia strikes again," Serana said with mock solemnity. 

She snorted and wrapped an arm around her girlfriend's waste. "Which park did you say this thing started in again?" 

It was a little place surrounded by tall buildings, but it was a green patch in a city largely made out of grey. It being Pride Month, the grey was broken up by rainbows. The two wandered around as they waited for the parade to start. 

Well, at least, they started to wander when Elayn caught sight of a dog and all but dragged her girlfriend over to say hi. 

"What's his name?" she asked, so full of enthusiasm she practically floated. "Can I pet him?" 

The dog's owner, someone with a short haircut in a crop top that was orange, yellow, and white striped, nodded. "If he lets you. Sometimes he's not so-- oh gosh," they said, eyes wide as they watched Elayn kneel down and offer a hand to sniff that was immediately accepted. "You must have good vibes." 

"She's a dog person," Serana said with a laugh as the dog put its front paws on Elayn's shoulders so he could lick her face. 

"What's his name?" she asked through slobbery kisses. 

The butch grinned. "That's Duke, I'm Cas. It's nice to meet you!" 

The two introduced themselves just in time for a volunteer to come up with bottles of water. "Our city got voted best water in the state," she said cheerfully. "Take a few, it's gonna be a hot one." 

Before the march, there were speeches. The first was an introduction to the city's first pride parade since the 80s. The second was from a drag queen inviting everyone to the show later that night. Finally, the speeches were closed by an Episcopalian pastor trying to make up for the rest of Christianity's sins. 

"It's starting!" Elayn said excitedly when the crowd started to funnel out of the park. 

The march went down the sidewalk for a few blocks. Traffic was halted and the waiting cars honked while passengers waved. Elayn waved a lesbian flag, Serana had a bi flag, and the two of them dragged a rainbow striped cooler. 

"Mom! Mom!" Elayn heard behind her. "Look, it's two cicadas going at it!" 

She glanced behind her. There was a set of twins, about twelve years old, one of them draped in a trans flag and holding the cicadas that were indeed trying to reproduce. Elayn snorted and hit herself in the face trying to keep a laugh contained. "You like bugs, huh?" 

The girl in the trans flag beamed. "They're my favorite! Well, except for tarantulas, but Mom won't let me have one." 

"The rabbit gets out of its cage enough." The way the girl's mom said it, this was an age old argument. "I don't want to squash it when it ends up in my shoe."

"I had a snake when I was growing up," Serana chimed in. "A corn snake that never got out." 

The twins turned out to be part of a family unit. One twin was trans, and their older brother was too, and as Elayn found soon, was very excited to start HRT. "Get a Gc2b binder," she said. "When I'm feeling like a flat day, it works really well." 

The boy, a younger fourteen, practically floated with excitement. "I will!" 

Serana chatted with the parents while Elayn occupied the kids. "Have you folks been to Pride before?" 

Their mom, a woman named Chelsea, shook her head. "Nope, both kids came out last September and they've been talking about the festival ever since." 

"You seem like really supportive parents," Serana said. It carried the weight of one speaking who has not had contact with their parents since high school. 

Chelsea could tell, and she opened her arms for a hug that Serana was more than happy to accept. 

The march was only about a mile long, and it ended in another park. Elayn craned her neck and said, "I think I see the beer line, wait here?" 

"We will!" said the girl, who was very proud to be named Luna now. 

Serana and Chelsea shared a grin. "I guess we'll wait here," the mom said. 

It was a bit of a line, which was probably not a good thing, but apparently people were restricted on how many drinks they could buy, so at least there was that. While Elayn waited, she was joined by two people wearing pronoun pins that said "she/her". 

Elayn's jaw dropped at the sight of one of the girls' dress, which was a flowing, fae like ensemble. "Holy shit!" she said. "You look amazing!" 

She blushed and ducked her head as she smiled. "Thank you, I got it from Amazon." 

"It's her first Pride," her friend added.

That just amazed Elayn more. "With the sparkles and the green eyeshadow, I wouldn't have guessed. Everything you've got going on is just amazing."

"Thank you!" she squeaked. 

Elayn wasn't alone in thinking the dress was gorgeous. Another person came up to compliment it, and they had such dope tattoos that Elayn could not help but comment. 

"The guy that did them is great," they gushed. "He does blacklight work too!" 

So she got a website saved on her phone for the next time she really wanted to get a tattoo on top of the three she already had; scrollwork on her bicep, a wolf on her shoulder blade, and a small date on her wrist that was the day she met Serana. 

When she got back to her girlfriend and the others, an IPA in hand that was frankly piss, she told them about the girl in the fae dress. 

"I saw her!" Serana exclaimed. 

"Amazon." 

"No way." 

Next was food, especially if she was going to drink a beer. Assuming she actually drank it. "There's some food trucks," she pointed out. "I could go for a corndog." 

"I'm going to get some mac and cheese," Serana said. 

"Mom! Mom!" Luna's twin brother, Ian, tugged at his mom's sleeve. "Can we get pretzels?" 

Chelsea sighed good-naturedly. "I suppose. Do you two want to meet up after?" 

"Over by the stage?" Elayn suggested. 

The group separated. She found the line for corndogs and funnel cake. While she was waiting, the woman ahead of her glanced her way, so Elayn said, "Howdy!" 

"Hey there, hun!" She clapped her on the shoulder. "Having a good time?" 

"I am," she said with a grin. "Everyone here is so nice. There were some moms back there handing out hugs!" 

"Well, I'm a mom, would you like a hug?" 

"I would love that." 

It was a lovely hug, the woman was warm and smelled floral. When they separated, she said, "I'm Elayn! It's good to meet you. Can I get you a corndog?" 

As she pulled out her wallet, the woman waved her money away. "It's Nessa, and actually, I'd like to buy you a corndog." 

"You don't have to--" 

Nessa laughed. "I miss my daughters, you'd be doing me a favor." 

They chatted while the line went down, about lacrosse and about university. It turned out Nessa's two daughters went off to college in other cities, so it had been a while since she saw either. "I had a son," she said. "But now I have a very happy daughter, and I'm so proud of her." 

"I wish I had a mom like you," Elayn said, thinking about growing up foster care. 

Nessa grabbed her in another hug. "Now you do!" 

When she got back to Serana and the others, they were listening to the music booming from the speakers. She had to yell to tell the group about her new mom. 

Chelsea looked a little sad, because she could connect the dots, but Luna and Ian were too busy freaking out over the cotton candy Nessa had bought her too. 

Not long after, the stage was occupied. Elayn was chatting with Luna with her back turned, so she missed it until Serana tapped her shoulder and turned her around. 

"Holy shit!" She hollered and clapped at the sight of a gorgeous, sequin clad drag queen in four inch heels doing a backflip off the stage and onto grass. "Holy shit!" 

As it turned out, the drag queens took tips, and it was at that point that Elayn knew she was about to spend a lot of money. Each queen that performed, and there were many, got a five in exchange for the sheer joy Elayn got when the queen before her touched her hand. 

When there was a break in the performances, she went back to Serana, who had a smirk on her face. "Should I be jealous?" 

Elayn cupped her face, and in a fit of sheer enthusiasm, kissed her girlfriend soundly, to the delight of the twins who hooted. "Don't worry, babe," she teased. "You're the only queen for me." 

"Flatterer." Serana swatted at her chest, but the smile on her face was pleased regardless. 

It was all a blur from there. Fair food, loud music-- and Elayn found beer that wasn't piss! She taught the twins a new vocabulary of cuss words the moment she found out their mom was fine with foul language. They parted around five in the afternoon, when a voice through a megaphone warned attendants that the festival was about to start catering to adults. There was a concert with more drag queens, this time in much more risqué outfits that Elayn would have given a kidney to see on Serana. 

When she said something, her girlfriend got a light in her eye. "Really now?" she purred. "Maybe for your birthday." 

By 11pm, Elayn was high on the party atmosphere and a few beers. The festival was over, and the walk back to their car would be a trick. "Did you have fun?" she asked Serana as they walked hand in hand. 

She got a kiss on the cheek. "I'm so glad I have you. When are we getting married?"

"When I figure out how to surprise you with a ring." 

[sokkadora]

tattooed heart; an ellie williams x fem!reader

chapter 3: a cold morning

masterlist here.

part summary: a tad bit of backstory on how joel, ellie, amelia and you met, seth being annoying, y/n and dina escapades, ellie apologizing for the kiss.

trigger warning: none .... i think

a/n: enjoy! and please check out my book safety net on wattpad! my account is @/CATRAMITYS <3333

- ☽ iii ༓ iii ☾ -

                life in jackson could be described as fairly easy - slow and consistent. the people who were living there never actually left and there weren't many people that would move into the city. most people you've known since they were the ones living inside the walls ever since you had come there.

some of the children were born there, yet most of the people came to the settlement as the time passed, seeking protection from the fireflies, infected or bandits. and so far, so good. the settlement was started by maria, tommy's wife, and her father a long time ago. when tommy left the fireflies in search of a normal, peaceful life, he ran into wyoming, finding this place. before their hard work, it was quite hard to manage - they needed to protect the settlement, build walls around it and make sure the people in there were safe, yet the young married couple was way more ambitious.

they wanted to make the old hydroelectric power station work again and that was one of the settlement's biggest projects to date. and to the wonder of everyone, they made it work again, so jackson had a stable supply of electricity almost every day. except for huge storms, which you all were waiting for to end sitting in the dinner, telling each other stories in the light of candles and so. these occasions were fun.

the city was independent - you had your cattle, horses, hens, and pigs, you had women who could sew clothes and make fabrics, you had a few men who were capable of making a gun. also, your mechanics were capable of making a few old cars work if the things would get really bad. in spring and summer, you always made sure to harvest vegetables and fruits, hunting throughout the winter mostly. you had a school and a kind-of-a-cinema when you were bored. for existing in a post-apocalyptic world, jackson was fairly normal.

and though you never got to know your parents, you had amelia. this lady was pretty old in the time she found you — she wasn't that kind of a brutal survivor who would bash someone's skull, twist her knife inside someone's body, or shoot them dead. she was the quiet traveler who was purposely avoiding big cities, who was traveling through woods and walked among rivers to see where her road will lead her. from the moment you bumped into each other, you became friends. family even. but once you got bit, she almost shot you. until she found out you were immune.

you and amelia didn't know what to do, but once amelia caught word of an old man and a 14-year-old immune girl traveling to the fireflies in salt lake city, you two went to find them. it took a few months to find them, the two of you almost giving up after taking shelter in what you thought was an abandoned apartment in pittsburgh.

SUMMER OF 2033:

"y/n, in here." amelia called for you quietly, gesturing to the apartment inside. you nodded, glancing behind you before quickly moving inside and locking the door.

you let out a sigh of relief, readjusting your ponytail and checking out the apartment. amelia jumped in front of you, pulling out her handgun, "get behind me, sugar." she whispered, softly moving towards the bedroom where she heard noises.

once she opened the door, the two of you aimed your guns at the people inside, two dark skinned boys, one around your age at the time and an older man with a red haired girl also around your age.

"amelia, they're not bad." you say, lowering your gun slowly to look at them better. the older woman glances at you before putting her gun down too.

the young man steps forward with his hand outstretched towards you, "i'm henry, who are you?" he asks nervously, glancing

you look up at him, then glance at amelia. she nods, signaling that it's okay, "i'm y/n." you respond with a small smile.

henry grins a bit, gesturing to the others, "we all just met but, this is joel," he starts, gesturing to the older man in the flannel, "this is ellie, and this is my little brother sam." henry finishes, gesturing to the girl and the boy.

"amelia and y/n." amelia introduces, gesturing to her then you. "sorry for the, uh, abrupt entrance. we thought this apartment was empty." she laughs nervously, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.

"no worries. we were about to head out anyway." henry starts, beginning to walk out. "wait, would you two like to come with us?" we're planning on getting out of this city tonight."

you and amelia look at each other before she turns her head towards the henry again, "i don't thi—"

"amelia, c'mon! safety in numbers, remember." you remind her, crossing your arms over your chest and looking at her knowingly.

the woman scoffs and shakes her head, looking at her lap for a moment, "fine, okay, we'll join you guys."

upon leaving the apartment, you, sam, and ellie began to talk to each other. once you found out she was 14, like the immune girl, you went up to amelia while you were waiting in henry's "office".

"amelia, can i talk to you for a second?" you whisper to her, gesturing to a quieter spot. amelia's eyebrows furrow in confusion as she looks away from the outside to you, nodding.

once in a quieter spot, you tell amelia your hypothesis about ellie and joel, them being the two you’ve been searching the country for, "no, no way. they're probably just father and daughter."

"don't daughters usually call their fathers dad instead of their actual names?" you ask her, irritated while your arms fold over your chest. amelia stares at you blankly, hands resting on her knees. "this is the man and the immune girl we're searching for, amelia. we have to tell—"

"guys?" a voice calls into the room, making yours and amelia's head shoot towards the sound. it's sam. "henry says it's time to go." sam tells you two awkwardly.

amelia sighs heavily, rising from her place on the desk and looking at you, "you and i will finish this conversation later."

that conversation never went as well as you hoped, you and ellie finding out that you both are immune in the radio station during a slow game of truth or dare. neither of you knew what it was, but henry gave you the basic gist of it.

ellie was thrilled to know she wasn't the only immune person, and she wasn't alone in that area. after losing henry and sam the morning after, you four headed off to find joel's brother, tommy in wyoming after finding a car.

after finding tommy and heading to the university of eastern colorado, things only got more rough from there. joel and amelia both got impaled, barely making it out of the science building alive before getting on their horses and passing out. resulting in you and ellie panicking before getting yourselves together and finding a nearby town to stay at for the winter.

during that winter, you encountered david, and his friend carl. you and ellie almost lost your lives after getting captured by them, then joel and amelia swooped in saving you and ellie from becoming the monsters you both fear.

the rest of the journey carried into the spring, you, joel, ellie, and amelia becoming much closer during the time from winter to spring. once you all got to the firefly hospital and joel and amelia found out what the cost for the vaccine was, they saved you and ellie.

you both had become to loved and valuable to them, neither wanting to bear the loss of another child. and they lied to you both to keep you safe. so after they took out most of the fireflies in the hospital, including their leader, marlene, you all headed back to tommy's, to jackson.

you and ellie both stopped the elders before entering jackson, "hey, wait." ellie called, looking to you for a bit of comfort.

amelia and joel turned around, looking at the two of you. you bit your lip as ellie started talking, "back in boston — back when i was bitten... i wasn't alone." she reveals, glancing between joel and amelia.

"my best friend, riley, was there and she got bit too." ellie tells everyone.

"and i was with my best friend, carly." you tell the group, fidgeting with your fingers. "we didn't know what to do. so, she says 'let's just wait it out. y'know we can be all poetic and lose our minds together. we're still waiting for our turn."

"then it was tess." ellie states, fidgeting with her fingers anxiously.

"then henry and sam—" you continue the statement for her.

"none of that is on you." amelia states, stepping a bit closer to you and ellie.

"no, you don't understand." ellie says sadly, rubbing her face.

joel suddenly steps forward, "i struggled for a long time with survivin', and you-" he briefly clutches his watch. "no matter what, you keep finding something to fight for. now, i know that's not what you want to hear right now but it's—"

you shake your head, looking away before turning back at joel, "swear to us." you interrupt, looking between the two adults seriously. "swear to us that everything that you said about the fireflies is true."

joel and amelia look between you and ellie with a hesitant look, "we swear." she says to you two, placing a hand on joel's shoulder.

you and ellie take a pause, processing everything before looking back at amelia and joel, nodding, "okay." you say together.

MARCH 2ND, 2038:

that was how you got into jackson. the first months there were pretty weird to you - the city had rules, schedule and they gave you food every morning, midday and evening, calling it breakfast, lunch, and dinner. the first week, you spent with vomiting since your food wasn't used to eat regularly. it was also pretty hard trying to trust strangers before you realized they don't mean you any harm. amelia was immediately capable of working at their farm with their animals, while you were getting the jobs like cleaning up mess or help in the kitchen - which meant that you didn't see each other that much.

- ☽ ♡ ༓ ♡ ☾ -

but after last night you and ellie went your ways after the talk with joel and amelia. there were many exchanged glances as she walked you home although you insisted you were fine. when you stood in the doorway of your house, ellie kissed your cheek before waving goodbye shyly.

a knock wakes you out of your sleep, groaning as you sit up and walk to the door, "just a minute! geez." you call out, walking to the door while scratching the back of your neck tiredly.

once you open it, you see dina. your other best friend, "hey dina." you yawn, squeezing the door handle as you look at your friend who's already dressed. "oh shit-"

"yep. hurry up and get ready, stupid." dina grins, stepping inside and sitting on your couch as you head into the bathroom with a new set of clothes. "maria also wants to talk to you."

stepping out of the bathroom, you reload your pistol and grab your switchblade that joel made you, "alright, dina, let's go."

she nods, opening the door as both of you step out into the cold air, "are joel and amelia up yet? or ellie?" you ask curiously.

"tommy and amelia went out early for patrol. something about a herd or infected up north, i don't know where joel is, and ellie, is still asleep. like ellie." dina tells you as you nod in understanding, chuckling at the last part of her sentence. "are you four... good?"

you glance up at her, sighing, "yeah, i guess so." you shrug, looking away and itching your nose.

once you and dina get downtown, she leads you into a restaurant, "this way." she says, motioning towards the nearly empty restaurant.

once you two enter, dina walks away to socialize with the others. you glance at her anxiously as she just smirks, shooing you in maria's direction.

"hey, y/n! over here!" maria calls from across the bar, making you groan and walk over unenthusiastically.

you walk to maria, "yes?" you ask, rubbing your face with your gloved hands.

"seth has something he wants to say to you." maria tells you, glancing towards the kitchen.

you glare at maria, irritated, "i don't wanna hear what that bigot has to say."

maria looks at you with an unreadable expression, "do it for me, please?" she asks gently.

you scan her face over, and sigh, resting your foot on a small crate, "fine."

"seth! seth, come here." maria calls towards the kitchen.

"fuck me." you mutter under your breath, as you look up.

seth walks out of the kitchen sheepishly, with something in his hands, "hey. look last night, i was drinking too much." seth starts, making you scoff quietly.

"sure." you say in disbelief, crossing your arms as you rest your right leg on the stool next to you.

"i'm trying to say i'm sorry!" seth exclaims, getting more irritated with you. "maria tells me that you and dina are heading out." he tells you, making you glance back at dina. "i made you two some sandwiches." he reveals.

seth places the sandwiches on the bar counter, giving them a pat before scooching them towards you.

"okay." you mumble, staring at him awkwardly.

"they're steak." seth informs you, gesturing towards the sandwiches you haven't taken yet.

maria gets tired of the awkward silence as she takes the sandwiches as she shoves them into your chest, "thank you, seth." she says assertively, scaring seth back into the kitchen.

turning around with the sandwiches, you bump into dina, "what've you got there?" she asks curiously as you shove the sandwiches into her hands.

"some... surprisingly decent looking bigot sandwiches." you scoff, dusting off your pants while looking around the outside room.

dina lifts them to her nose, taking a whiff, "they smell absolutely scrumptious." she says in a fake posh accent, making you laugh as she secretly throws them away.

"come on you two, time to go." maria calls from the doorway of the restaurant, gesturing to the outside. "y/n, i need to talk to you for a minute before i head back inside."

you stop next to maria, gesturing for dina to go ahead without you as she closes the door, "are you amelia and joel good?" maria asks quietly, making you roll your eyes. "they seemed to be in a better mood this morn—"

"we're fine maria." you interrupt her, your eyes closing in annoyance as you're getting tired of this question.

the blonde woman puts her hands up, "just wanted to make sure. i worry y'know." she chuckles, bringing you into a short embrace. you nods, pulling away, "go find dina." she tells you heading into the restaurant as you head on your way.

you find dina and overhear how she's about to start a snowball fight with a bunch of the kids. you sneak up behind the kids, snowball in hand. dina glances up and spots you, making you put a finger over your mouth to shush her. she looks back at the kids, egging them on as you come up and headshot a girl named, isabella.

this made the kids go feral, sending them to one side of the playground as you and dina hid on the other side, laughing your asses off.

you and dina played with the kids for around fifteen minutes before you heard ellie's voice. you turned around and saw jesse, waving politely at him before returning to the game.

"dina! come on! you and i are paired for patrol today." jesse calls out to his ex, making her roll her eyes before heading out of the playground, following jesse.

"hey, y/n! can i talk to you?" a familiar voice called, you turn your head to see ellie. you smile and wave at her before putting the snowball fight on a pause so you could talk to her.

"hey." you say breathlessly, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

"hey." ellie responds awkwardly, tapping on the wooden fence.

"i just wanna say sorry for ditching you after the... thing last night." ellie apologizes, making you tilt your head in confusion.

"oh, no, it's okay. i totally get it. i- i just- i felt bad." you tell her, looking at her apologetically while fidgeting with your fingers.

ellie shakes her head lightly, "why?"

"because, i started the whole thing and i... i just shouldn't have kissed you in front all those people and—"

"no! it's okay, you were drunk." ellie says, laughing off the light embarrassment.

"well, still i don't want you to think—" you start before ellie interrupts your once more, making you chuckle lightly.

"no, i'm not reading into it or anything." ellie tells you, making you shake your head.

you look up at ellie, smiling softly, "you know what i love about you?" you start, making ellie blush a little. "how you let me finish my sentences."

ellie chuckles, shaking her head, "alright. well, we should probably get going." you nod, before a snowball nails ellie right in the shoulder. "ow!"

you turn around angrily, glaring at the kids, "what the fuck?!" you exclaims at them, making them giggle.

"i'm not even playing!" ellie yells at them.

"cause you're a chicken?" one of the kids yells out, making the rest taunt ellie playfully.

"i hate those kids so much." ellie mutters to you irritated, making you look at her mischievously.

"you wanna fuck 'em up?" you ask evilly, giving ellie a side glance.

ellie looks to see if anyone's coming before nodding, "yeah, i do." ellie leaps over the fence as you both start playfully shouting at them.

"you asked for it!" you yell at them.

"you better run you little shits!" ellie exclaims, you and her taking cover behind a structure.

the game was the first to ten hits wins, it took you and ellie a minute, but you beat to little shits 10/3.

"no fair!" isabella whines, wiping the snow off her coat.

you spread your arms out victoriously, "eat it shrimps! how's it feel?" you brag to them, making them all run up and tackle you. "you'll never get away with this!" you yell happily as they dog pile on you before ellie comes and rips one off.

"get off of her you little monsters!" the red haired girl exclaims, making them scurry away before helping you up.

"i guess i asked for that huh?" you ask your friend, heading towards the gate.

"yep." she deadpans at you, making you smile. you both exit the playground, heading to the stables. "so, jesse wants us to do the creek trails. he's gonna relieve amelia and tommy."

"oh, okay. that's nice he assigned us together." you tell ellie, greeting the lady at the front of the stables. "you're gonna like this one."

someone yells to you and ellie they'll take your horses in so you can grab them. yelling out a quick thanks, you head over to grab your horse, moon. walking to the east gate, you pet his neck, greeting him.

"look who decided to join us." jesse tease you and ellie, making you roll your eyes.

"ha ha, you're so funny." you tease back, elbowing him gently in the side and taking your rifle from him.

"open it up!" he yells up at the gate keepers. "settle down. alright. you all know the drill." he assumes, looking to all the patrol groups. "run your routes, mark your logbooks, clear any infected you see. you run into anything you can't handle, you come back." jesse tells everyone. "be smart about it. alright, get going."

you and ellie glance at each other with a small nod, getting on your horses and riding off towards the creek trails.

[btsrmono]

Trial & Error | chapter 1.

A/N: hey guys ik this is really random for my page but i got bored lol pls enjoy?? 

Main Pairing: (jimin): student/idol x (main): foreign student

Side Pairs: main x taehyung,, main x (nct) jaehyun 

CHAPTER 1

"I still can't believe you're moving."

 You sighed, leaning your head on your boyfriend's shoulder. "Don't remind me."

 It had been a month since your parents had told you about the big move and school would be starting the next week, which is when you'd be moving.

  Ryan lied his hand on your thigh as he squeezed it a bit. "I was thinking, you know," he started, "since you're moving and all... y/n, don't you think it'd be better if we--"

  You already knew where this was going. "Break up?" you finished for him. He didn't say anything, causing you to chuckle a bit. "It's alright," you told him. "I've been thinking the same thing."

 "You have?"

  You took your head off of his shoulder, looking him in the eyes. "Yeah. I mean, it only makes sense, right? What would be the purpose of staying together?" You gave him a small smile of which he returned. You and Ryan had only been together for 5 months, not really making it a big deal.

"You know I care about you, right?"

"Yes," you confirmed. "Same goes here. Just because we're 'ending this', doesn't mean we're ending us. I'll still keep in contact with you and check up here and there."

 Smiling at you, he stuck his pinky finger out. "Promise?"

 You quickly interlocked your pinky with his. "Promise."

                                                              ~~

  Turns out, saying your goodbyes to your friends wasn't the hard part. You already knew this was going to be a problem but you had been in Korea for over two hours and still had yet to find someone that spoke English. You guys began to settle in your apartment with the help of moving guys, and you had decided that you wanted to take a look around, maybe buy a snack.

  Little to no avail, you couldn't find many American snacks like you were expecting to, and when you did, they surely didn't taste the same. Anyway, you was trying to make your way back to your new home when you realized you didn't know where you were going. Google Maps was acting up, and you were too afraid to attempt the Korean you actually did know with local natives. Therefore, you tried to ask, using as much broken English as you could to make it simple on them. However, they weren't very helpful but at least they all seemed nice. You thought maybe if you made one more attempt, you could have hit the jackpot. "Uh, excuse me sir."

The older man stopped in his tracks and stared at you. "Uh... Yes?" He asked, sounding quite nervous.

Right then and there, just from his tone, you knew he wasn't going to be much useful. You politely smiled. "Never mind." You bowed and he went on with his day. Ugh, why were you so scared to speak Korean. You were actually pretty good at it at some point due to your childhood best friend, Shi Ah. Practically her sister, you two were around each other all the time and you easily picked up the language. It was fun because you guys would always say things about people with them right there without them knowing what you two were speaking about.

 But, unfortunately, Shi Ah had to move to China Freshman year due to a job opportunity for her journalist parents. The goodbye was extremely hard but you both eventually moved on, you becoming best friends with Mariana and Riley, her doing God knows what. You even fell out of touch so you had no idea what she’d been up to the past few years. It was sad but it quickly became your new normal.

 Anyway, you knew, eventually you were going to have to get over your fear of speaking Korean but until then, you sighed and took in the scenery surrounding you to see if anything looked familiar, but nope. You stood there, deciding that maybe it was time to call a parent. As you went to dial your moms number, you suddenly become very distracted.

"Lost?" you heard a voice say.

You looked up from your phone to the girl that now stood in front of you. "You speak English?" you stupidly asked. The girl laughed. "I'm sorry," you apologized, realizing how rude you probably sounded.

"Don't be, it's understandable. What can I help you with though?" The girl was really pretty. She had perfect skin with long blonde hair and bangs that made her wide eyes stand out.

You let out a breath, looking down at your phone. "I need help getting back home."

She giggled. "Already? Come on." She then proceed to walk ahead of you as you, confusingly, followed.

"But wait, you haven't even asked where I live."

"Its alright, we're in the same neighborhood. I saw you earlier," she explained. It then made sense. However, you had not seen her. The girl was gorgeous, you must admit, so you would have remembered seeing her.

"So we're neighbors," you stated.

"Yup."

"What's your name?"

Still walking, she looked back at you and smiled. "Jinsoul. But my English speaking friends call me Zoè. Say which ever you'd like."

You nodded, repeating her name in your head a few times. A habit you picked up in order to remember people’s names. 

"And you?" she asked.

"Y/n."

"That’s pretty," she complemented you. “It’ll be hard to forget.”

Only a short block later, you guys were back into the neighborhood. "Thank you so much," you said as you began to reach your doorstep. "I owe you." 

 After exchanging numbers, she informed you that she only lived a corner away from you and that if you ever needed anything, you could just ask.

______

 The next day, you were starting school. You walked around the corner and saw your mom in the kitchen cooking breakfast. You knew that your Dad didn't leave the house until 9 am. "Morning, Mom," you greeted her.

She turned away from the pancakes she was in the middle of making and smiled at you. "Y/n! Morning baby, are you excited for school?"

 You shrugged your shoulders while smirking as you placed your back pack on the kitchen island table. "I guess. I don't really know what to expect though."

"Well if there's any advice I can give you, it's : Don't stress. Seriously, it'll make everything go wrong."

Instead of a reply, you sighed, still feeling sleepy. "Why are you up so early?" you asked her.

She then proceeded back to making the pancakes. "For you."

"Oh no, you didn't need to do that, Mom. I'm about to leave out."

She looked at you with a confused expression on her face. "Well then what are you going to eat?"

"There's a store around the block, I was just gonna grab a quick snack and head to the school early."

"Early?" she wondered.

You shook your head. "Yup. Want to get my schedule 100 percent accurate and get a mini tour of the building before it gets too crowded." Your mom kind of smirked, looking at you from the side of her eyes. You giggled. "What?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Nothing, it's just nice seeing you be responsible and positive on the first day. I know you didn't exactly picture your senior year to go this way but I just want you to make the best of it and I think you're off to a good start so far, sweetie."

You smiled. She was right, you guess. You did feel very out of place but not in a bad way exactly. You'd rather be home but you weren’t. You were in Seoul, South Korea and what would you be able to do about it? Nothing. So why not do what you can and make it a good experience rather than a negative?

She then turned the stove off and fully looked at you. "Get going. Have a nice day of school!"

As soon as you left the apartment building, you saw the girl from the day before walking in your direction. She beamed widely at your appearance. "Y/n!" she yelled.

You gave her a gentle smile, waiting for her to catch up with you. Once she did, you both continued walking together. "You look nice for your first day."

"Thanks, you look nice too!"

You started to think that she was also going to the store. So you both walked in silence for a little bit until you arrived there. The bell dinged on the door as she opened it. The older cashier man looked at you strangely. She noticed this. "Don't mind him," she said. "He does this to everyone."

You shook your head understandingly. "Okay."

She went over to the fridge section and grabbed banana milk, as did you, then a pack of peanuts and you went up to pay for your stuff while she was still looking. Once she was done, you two stepped back out into the hot heat. Only a few moments later, a group of three good looking guys showed up, talking amongst themselves as they headed to school as well in their uniforms. This made you believe you were getting closer to the bus stop.

On the side of you, you heard Jinsoul let out a slight laugh, making you turn to her. She was looking at the boys. Next thing you knew, they were looking back at her and walking over towards you guys. "A-are they coming over here?" you stuttered.

"Looks like it," she replied cooley, a small smirk glued to her face.

You quickly gave your hair a little fix as you both suddenly stopped walking, waiting for the boys to join.

"Yah, Jinsoul!", one of them said. He continued to speak in Korean as you zoned out, worried about if they would try to speak to you too. Sooner or later, you heard your name being said by Jinsoul and the boys all kind of glanced your way, throwing you off track. 

They eventually turned their attention back to Jinsoul, continuing their conversation. All except the one boy, whom was the most adorable of them all. He blankly stared at you, his eyes even squinting a bit.

You shifted one foot to the other as you looked down at the pavement, slightly uncomfortable with this. You then heard him laugh and when you looked back up, he was smiling at you. You nervously smiled back before he finally went back to paying attention to Jinsoul. They spoke in some more Korean.

After a good minute or two passed, you heard them saying goodbye, the cutest one being the only one to wave at you. Once they were out of ear shot, you turned to Jinsoul. "Uh, Jinsoul?"

"Hm?" she wondered, nonchalantly.

"Who were they?"

She laughed loudly before covering her mouth quickly. "Really?" she asked. "You really don't know who they are?"

Of course you didn't know who they were, why was she expecting you to? You tilted your head slightly. "I mean, I'm not from here," you explained.

"True." She began to walk again, you following. "They're all idols."

"Idols?" you wondered. "As in?"

"As in 'famous', y/n."

 You slightly hesitated, letting this new profound information soak into your brain. "Famous as in?"

"They sing. Dance. Rap. They're idols. K-pop idols."

You knew of K-pop, you looked it up upon arriving to Seoul but were no expert at it and of course the only people you ever even slightly heard of were Psy, Exo and Got7. Other than that, you were completely ignorant to the Korean pop industry. "Are they all in the same group?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Two of them are. The other one, aka, my friend, is still a trainee, which means he hasn't debuted yet but he's training to."

"Interesting." You walked a few more seconds in silence until you absolutely had to ask their names. Specifically for the one guy.

She deviously smiled, already knowing what was up your sleeve. "I see what you're doing," she stated. "But if you insist. My friend's name is Bae Joon Young. We call him Jacob. The other one is Kim Taehyung and the one that you seem interested in is Park Jimin."

"Jimin," you repeated. "But wait. If they're all famous, why were they in uniform to go to school?"

"Because they have to," she told you. "They all made an agreement that if they ever dropped out of school, they are eligible to be dropped from their company. Plus Taehyung and Jimin just debuted so they have to listen to their company right now. It's a pretty logical idea if I do say so myself."

You guys finally arrived at the bus stop and she explained to you what you would do after being released at the first stop. You both went to different schools. While you went to a Foreign school, she attended a performing arts school with a ton of other inspiring and/or famous people.

Of course you saw the boys again at the bus stop but they did not bother you guys this time, instead, they met up with their other friends that were also at the bus stop. The bus eventually pulled up around 7:30am and everyone got on board. Since both schools were basically right across from each other, all students got off at the same spot too. The only difference is that you and about two other students had to walk an extra block before actually getting to the International school. Once you finally arrived there, you took a deep breath and headed inside.

A/N: Bruh, I’m sorry this chapter was so BORING but it was the 1st. It should get a lil more interesting moving forward since we got most introductions out of the way. More Jimin to come next chapter! 

ALSO: I’ll be putting a gif of a main character each chapter at the end! For this chapter, we have Jinsoul, the friendly neighbor and school bus buddy! 

STAY TUNED

PART 2

[moonhatake]

THE PROMISED NEVERLAND FUCKING THEORY (SPOILERS FOR THOSE NOT PAST 118 AND PAST 80 ish)

This theory is about what might happen soon and possibly the end of the story

**inhales**

THIS IS MY CONTRIBUTION AND I'M PUTTING MY HAND DOWN AND SPOUTIN OUT SOME THEORIES OKAY LET'S START.

**claps hands** THEORY RevIEw

First off ever since they found Norman things have felt a little icky to me and as we all know, a story like this doesn't give you happiness and let's it stay happy. People have said that Norman came back too early but I think that's intentional. The gangs all back together now, but there's gotta be a catch.

Let me also add how Norman looks much older than them. Idk if this is just the way the author drew him, but I think it could show how Norman isn't on Emmas and Rays level anymore since Norman hasn't spent all that time boogieing with them. (Inspired by a best buds theory) So him looking older could be a symbolism thing

OR

He was experimented on at the place he was held captive at and now is older, which could be plausible once we gather more information.

Okay Back to the Trio

Okay everyone's back yes it's all great, but in chapter 120 Norman talks about his plan to eradicate all the monsters. Basically an all out war and everyone is on board, all except Emma. I mean look at this face.

Is this the face of someone who agrees with whatf Norman is saying? Okay we have that established and it is confirmed that Emma doesn't really want to kill the monsters in chapter 122 and is conflicted with that. Emma wants to find a peace for both worlds and that's a really interesting take since the monsters have been basically eating them, but Emma makes a good point in chapter 122.

Now I'm pausing here and going to

RAY TIME

Ray has gone through hell and back for Emma since Grace field to the forest to goldy pond and till now. He follows Emma and believes in her plan to create a peace, since time and time again, she has shown him there is another way. When Ray wanted to leave everyone back at Grace Field, Emma (With ghost Normans help I guess) showed Ray they could do it and save everyone. When Ray and them were in the forest it was Emma who was the light in darkness and believed that everyone can push on. And then at Goldy Pond. HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. THAT. GODDAMN. ARC. THE AUTHOR AND THE ILLUSTRATOR ARE FUCKING MADLADS. Emma's goddamn plan on how to beat the monsters was so fucking cool, but in the end Emma gets hurt and they're all in the cave like "ooohh shit we gonna dieee too many peeps hurt" but then like Oliver is like, "leave us, we dead anyways" and everyone is like "Noooooo", but after all this Ray says

Nobody is being left behind. Emma's words are now his and since he's seen that Emma can do it, then maybe even he can do it.

Now back to chapters 119 and so on. Ray has been seen to be on edge and it looks like he doesn't even trust the place nor Norman

I mean he has the look of concern on his face and I think the authors are hinting something at us because they wouldn't add this in just because. In chapter 121 where everyone was having fun and stuff, we see everyone smiling and it's all nice but yet there are subtle images of Ray being left out.

I think now that Norman and Emma are fine and they're all fine, he feels like he's not needed anymore. His soul reason to keep on living and pushing was to protect his friends. They're in a way, his Ray of Light aahahhahaha **cries in a ball**

I think now, Ray feels left out and like I said not needed, but he's still willing to protect them because he loves them. Although there are some things Ray sees in Norman that is suspicious. Ray isn't stupid and sees more of a bigger picture. Obviously he knows that something is up with Norman, but is just playing along right now because Emma is happy. Basically I would like to say is chapter 121 is the

Calm Before The Storm

So I'm pretty sure we're going to get a spitfire of pain after these chapters.

Now to the Main Point

I think what's going to happen is that Emma's gonna go to Norman and tell him that war is not the answer and that they should go to the "Seven Walls" thing and Dragon eye, (idk it was kinda weird but...)

...because back around chapters 102 and 103 where they went to that creepy temple thing with all the ancient artifacts, Emma and them ALREADY found a way to get in using

But then they were attacked just then. :^( so sad we all know who yeets to heaven.

But when Emma tells Norman this it's one of two things, either Norman refuses to go and pushes his plan for war or Norman agrees to check it out JUST FOR EMMA and pretends to find nothing so he can push for his war. Because I'm sure Norman doesn't want to be goodie goodie with the monsters.

So here it is...

Emma might break from Normas party and might take a small group of people including Ray and find their own solution back at the temples. There might be some people opposed to trying to find a peaceful solution and that's when Emma's original party breaks up. Idk for sure who might stay with Norman (Gilda and that other dude? Probs? Cause with Norman it's safe?). As Emmas party breaks up and leaves, Norman plots for his war and the story soon becomes like a race to see whos solution will prevail

OR

Because we have seen Ray feel iffy about Norman, Ray might make his own group and leave FIRST. Why? Maybe because he feels like he isn't needed anymore OR the fact that Emma wants to stick with Norman a little too much and isn't listening to him. Ray might take an even smaller group and leave to go find info about the monsters or go back to the Feilds to save Phil for Emma, because he feels like he can do it without her. Idk if he would tell her that he is going. I feel like he would but that would mean Emma wants to come. For most of the story it's always been Emma and Ray and now it's his chance to actually be an individual. And it might be a prove to himself thing. In the meantime Emma argues with Norman and that's when she splits from Norman. In the meantime, Ray and Emma try to keep touch as they both do different things, because they can't all go to save Phil and then run back to the temples. That's a lot of time and also Norman is planning his war. So Emmas going to temples, Rays freeing Phil and Normans plotting a war

OR

Norman and their crew go to where Phil is and save him, but some arguments happens (maybe they were going to kill the mama of that house but Emma says like, "no don't kill her.") and BAM! As the house burns up with FLAMES, Emma decides to go to temples and takes some peeps with Ray, while Norman takes the rest of the kids and goes back to plot his war. Then it's a race.

**side note** if this does happen and Ray does want to leave in all of this and be his own third party and disappear to do his own thing, during the showdown in the end of the series, Ray will probs pop out and help Emma

OR?**kinda weird theory

Norman is trying to find the super human kids and make an army outta them and trying to experiment on kids to enhance them for an army. Ray finds out, almost killed. Tells Emma and Emma doesn't believe. Confronts Norman. Norman a hoe and lies to her. Ray makes his third party and leaves. Norman then comes clean like a little bitch. Emma leaves to temples (maybe after Ray leaves her a note on what he's doing)

Conclusion

Basically what I'm trying to say is I think the Trio is going to split and it's going to be where the kids have to choose sides and it's a race to find the right solution.

Just my opinion though, I could be missing a bunch of things but this is what I see. Oh and going back to way Norman is shown earlier than people think, this is why. To start the second phase of the plot. Let me know what y'all think, I'd really love to hear from ya. Thanks for reading till the end. I know it's long as hell.