#exactly how much pain are we in for?
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So Beau DeMayo dismissed the possibility of Gambit returning via time travel, but he's being very coy about the Deathbit theory. And they've definitely been teasing Deathbit a lot since ep4, so that seems like the direction we're going in.
I'll take it if that's how we get Gambit back, but it's pretty depressing. I really wanted the story wrapped up this season. And I suppose there's a chance that could still happen if they have Prime Sentinel Gambit stand in for Deathbit, but I'm less convinced of that theory every day.
And I REALLY don't want to have to wait a fucking year for new episodes only to then have to endure a whole season of Gambit as a villain. And don't even get me started if they go the AoA alternate timeline route. Just don't. That gets a hard pass from me, thanks.
But Gambit fans are no strangers to angst and having to wait ages for something good to happen. I just want him back and if this is the way it happens, then so be it.
Just please don't make us wait until season 2 to see him alive again. I don't want to be sick over this for the next year, not knowing if I'm ever going to feel better about it or not. Give us a mysteriously empty grave, give us Deathbit in the final moments of ep10 as a cliffhanger. Just give us SOMETHING to put our minds at ease because just leaving us hanging with nothing to go on when season 1 ends would just be fucking cruel.
#x men 97#gambit#remy lebeau#i'm not asking for a lot#just throw us a bone here#i just want my boy back#exactly how much pain are we in for?#the payoff to this better be worth it i s2g
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Assisting Acquaintance Acquired.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen ning#wei wuxian#Ignore how Wen Ning's hair looks here because I messed it up. Let's pretend he just sported a different hair style for a brief moment.#I am not exactly great at consistency but I am trying very hard to work on that (immediately messes up again).#Absolutely *love* how Wen Ning clearly remembers and admires WWX...who does *not* recognize him.#This is the best day for Wen Ning and it means *nothing* to WWX. A painful one-sided crush made worse.#It is bittersweet to realize that we care about someone more than they care about us. Sometime we pour love into a relationship-#-with someone who just can't reciprocate. It isn't always a conscious things either. Some people just aren't aware we care.#And painfully - so painfully - You can't make them aware. No act of kindness or gift or self sacrifice will make someone care about you.#You can martyr yourself for someone and they will continue on unchanged.#I think a lot about the parallels between WN and LWJ. Not foils - just reflections. A theme repeated.#People who give so much of themselves to someone who doesn't have the capacity to give any part of themself away.#I will die on the hill of 'Wen Ning would be the love triangle romance if that trope wasn't being avoided'.#And to be honest - thank the stars above that is the case. I do not know any good love triangles in media.#We are skipping some of the sad Jiang Cheng content because I really want to finish season 2 before May.#Sorry JC emo moment lovers...I'll deliver another time.
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ngl ALL of across the spiderverse was fantastic but that short scene where we got to see a disabled spider-person using a wheelchair and crutches while STILL kicking ass AND making jokes and puns about said mobility aids while doing so singlehandedly cured my depression and added 500 years to my lifespan <3
#spiderman is something that can be so personal actually#I have been thinking about why spiderman is so popular#and I really think it's bcs spiderman is a hero we can all see ourselves in#I don't think suffering is integral to spiderman's story exactly like I like that Miles is saying 'no we can end this cycle'#but I do think spiderman embodies how flawed we as humans are#and our drive to do good and live and get back up no matter how much pain we go through#spiderman really is so personal#and atsv proved that#atsv#atsv spoilers#across the spiderverse spoilers#across the spiderverse
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[ cw: death mention / family death mention / ]
Mhmm I sure love thinking of the reality where we did get more time to really know Karai and her dynamics with the bros. Losing her hit hard in the finale, but it would’ve hit much, much harder had we known Karai longer and really saw her relationships develop with everyone.
I especially would have been interested in her dynamic with Leo, as past iterations often have the two of them clash in ideals and the like while still sharing many characteristics. Two sides of the same coin, and all that. Her specifically being the bros’ Gram-Gram also adds a whole new dynamic as well.
Imagine how interesting it would be, to have Karai start off on Leo’s side for once, showing wholly just how alike the two are at their cores and bonding as family without the worry of betrayal or animosity that other iterations suffer through, only to have Karai die anyway. Their parting hug and the desperate look of horror Leo wears later on would have hit that much harder, I feel.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the tmnt#rise karai#rise leo#rottmnt karai#rottmnt leo#I think a lot about these two in particular#and how that dynamic could have flourished#the way it was depicted in the finale is so purposefully unique and painful like#that hug man#can you imagine how much more heartbreaking that would have been if we knew her longer#not that it wasn’t already sad but we just simply didn’t know her long enough to be completely attached#also imo having more episodes with her and in general would have presented something I’ve been thinking about since the finale#so like - I like to think each bro kinda immediately leans more toward certain family members#Mikey has Draxum#Donnie has April#Raph has Splinter because this is another one that would be SO GOOD and make the finale moment where Raph sees his memories hit harder#if they had an ep or two more of Splinter and Raph together bc I really do feel like Raph respects Splinter most of the four#and finally- Leo has Karai#and then he loses her#imo? this would align with the movie even more#because it was the act of heroism that kinda killed her in a way - makes sense that Leo would initially be leaning away from that#and yet he ends up exactly like her anyway#haha sorry for rambling I just really love the interesting dynamic these two tend to have#and it’s a shame we didn’t get to see it really explored in rise#but yeah make no mistake while I’m focusing on Leo here I wanted more for all the boys and karai#Mikey’s little moments with her were so sweet and we already know how much he yearns for more family#Karai being from an age long gone would mean she’d be super impressed by literally any invention Donnie has (adult validation!!)#and could you imagine her training with Raph - with this training being referenced in the finale?
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His eyes in this :((( I really hope he's alright
#i cant speak spanish so im not sure exactly what he said#but ik he said something about how nothing he went through compares to what the people in Valencia are going though rn :(#hes being very selfless this week considering all hes been through#i really hope he can recover soon#the radio message and the clip after the race were really heartbreaking#it hurts because not only was he actually ill in its own right he was also being put in pain by the car!#it puts all the wistful clips of him into more context like was he this much in pain the whole wknd????#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#we do a little bit of f1#2024 brazilian gp#2024 brazil gp#2024 brazilian grand prix
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so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-
but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again
(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)
i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)
weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward
but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.
right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#sorta#suicide attempt mention in the IRL stuff im talking about in the following tags btw#theres some construction stuff on our house going on#and my father is extremely stressed about it#he used to be very explosive- being silent and then exploding out of nowhere .. probably left me with lasting damage yippie-#but now he much more lets it eat at himself bc hes old and feels bad for the past stuff so now it makes him irritated and depressed#my older brother is the most normal cis straight guy you can imagine and incredibly impatient and bossy (you CANNOT talk with him)#(brother doesnt live in our house)#and while hes helping out hes doing it exactly how my father doesnt like and since you cant talk to the guy (explosive +200) it stresses hi#to the point of my father yesterday saying that “it would have been better if i had just died back in the day”#likely referring to the time when he was drafted for the military against his will and tried to kill himself#which i learned only like .. a year ago- theres so little my parents tell me ....#its like my mother telling me- while my father was in hospital for heart surgery- that she not only almost died back when i was a young tee#and only survived bc of some incredibly unebelievable lucky coincidences (medics on a travel being there that knew what she had-#-while our local doctors said welp- nothing we can do lady AND them beign there with a helicopter and emergency transferring her#to antoher bigger hospital while giving her immediate treatment our local one didnt do- AND at the big one just so happened to have-#-an expert on that illness in the facility when she arrived who was able to narrrowly save her life#BUT ALSO while she was recovering and weak and frail as a dust bunny witnessing someone stealing hospital surplies-#not noticing she was in the room at first (which .. the nurses left her in the nurse room while going on break ... which uhm .. yeah cool)#and if my mother hadnt acted in time like she was fully asleep and the lady stealing stuff beign in hurry- she might have killed her#without my mother being able to fight back bc she could barely even talk (the nurses didnt want to believe her when they got back either)#ANYWAY that comment from my father brough me to tears#and my mom is trying out more ... other medication shes not prescribed in hopes of it helping agaisnt her many pains#but i worry it will interact with the other stuff shes on ...#and i worry so much about both of their mental and physical well being#always trying to be the one to calm them down or help with communication bc that is a big problem in this houesehold#but i myself am also a very much not normal and not medicated shut in who has trouble dealing even with my own feelings
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I’m too lazy to analyze it someone do it for me but that part in the convo q!Bad had with q!Baghera where she says something like “The workers could have a family, they could be someone else’s egg” and q!Bad responds with “yeah I thought about it, that’s when I stopped uh…”
because that seems very important to me. it seems like a confirmation of the fact that q!Bad saw these workers as mindless drones and Walter Bob as an outlier, an mistake on the federation’s part. And then when Ron essentially confirmed that it wasn’t, that they all have feelings, he stopped.
Stopped what? Stopped seeing workers as nothing but extensions of the federation? Stopped psychologically torturing Ron? Stopped keeping him in a damp cage? Stopped resisting the urge to care?
Stopped what? No matter which option you pick, you learn that q!Bad thought about the workers in a certain light, learned information that potentially severely contradicted his belief, and then reflected and adjusted his own behavior accordingly. If the “that’s when I stopped…” was about to end in “torturing him” that feels like a huge… something… about q!Bad and his supposedly “unhinged” nature.
There are a couple natural conclusions to that sentence, almost all of them make q!Bad seem a lot more… something… than I’d originally given him credit for.
#i think. that it’s positive. i think this is one of those rare times where I’m going ‘wait a minute’#idk that line is just throwing me for some reason#it’s a one off and he doesn’t really touch on it any more but it’s important to understanding him I think#it’s also worth mentioning that as far as we know he only physically tortured ron ONCE#with one soul vulture#because prior to that both ron and bad confirm the torture was purely psychological#which isn’t necessarily better per say but it’s important to keep in mind for Bad’s character#because after that. after that one soul vulture we never really see bad return to. that.#and it’s also worth noting that bad tortured HIMSELF with the vultures so he knows exactly how much pain he’s causing#he put himself through it#qsmp#qsmp liveblog#qsmp badboyhalo#q!badboyhalo#qsmp analysis#q!bbh character analysis
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#oh lads. lads. lads. lads. im being sucked back into the world of academia#i dont even kno what happened. a week ago i was crying bc i was like: this is impossible. i simply cannot do this.#and then i went into the lab sunday and miraculously i was able to easily read some papers. like i dont kno how to discribe how baffling it#was. like reading papers is like pulling teeth and this was somehow easy. i think maybe it was bc i let myself get distracted and wander#thru it. and then after that i got so much done this week and i was tired but having fun. and like the thing is: i fucking love evolution#it's like puzzling out the code for life in both a metaphical and literal sense. its fucking incredible. and my project is also very#interesting. if a bit intimidating in its scope. ya kno. just in the way photosynthesis is generally intimidating#but i think i have a strain thats lost chlf which is really interesting and my advisor said we might have the money to try some crispr for#my cyano children. hypothetically. maybe. and i get to do some poking around in genomes. theres so so much to love there#how could i possibly want to do anything else? and yet. and yet. here at the end of the week im so wrung out and i kno i just have to start#again on sunday and i kno im gonna have to step it up in terms of reading if i want to make it through a committee meeting and proposal#defense. not to even mention a comprehensive exam. and what do i get at the end of all this? a lifetime of academia draining my life away.#bc what i do is so academic. so whats the point? its just so frustrating.#and on top of that ive got all this data from my old lab that i kno i have to work on. and i will. i will. but with what time?#anyway the point is. i can see a path forward now where i stay here and decide the pain will be worth it despite not knowing where im going#after that. im just so tried#but right now it feels like im gonna stay until someone kicks me out#but that doesnt exactly make me feel happy. ugh. but if i stay i want to get my old pi to come here and give a seminar. ill warn her how#intimidating the department is tho. we've had 2 talks in the last 2 weeks that were... not good. particularly the one this week#like she couldnt answer a single question they thru at her and didnt seem to kno her data sets. it was hard to watch. anyway. i just want#to see my academic mother again. send me back to the desert! let me rot in a field full of sage#but send me back to the hills of an older mountain range. where i can climb sandstone cliffs and lay in carpets of moss. except i wouldnt do#that bc of all the ticks and threat of lyme disease...#anyway. im still tired. still sad. and there doesnt seem to b a way out#unrelated
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@pyrotechnicarus was right, that tv can fucking glow.
#i saw the tv glow#isttvg#the set design dude#the world is just decaying around Owen as they’re dying from the inside out#everything starts losing color and we stop seeing Owen out in the bright sunlight#the only shot that’s there that’s nice and bright and wonderful is the one of maddys burial spot#the split second pause after the drive thru worker calls Owen sir#like it was just physically painful to hear and they needed a second#the fact they just start apologizing for having a breakdown but there’s still time and they shouldn’t be doing that#they phrase it as needing to become a man but really all they’re doing is killing themself slowly over time#i 100% read Maddy and Owen/Isabel and Tara as t4t love where one of them was ready to come out and move on with their life while the other#is too scared to ever change and is stuck in an endless loop of being something they’re not#Owen has the personality of wet grass but that’s the entire point#being too scared to ever be anything more than what is expected and just rotting over years and year and just hating yourself all the while#I love the part where Owen can’t verbalize why exactly their romantic attraction feels wrong#it’s wrong because they’re trans and can’t incision a life as Owen but can’t say out loud that it’s being perceived as a male in#a relationship that is the problem#the jab the dad makes about pink opaque being a girl’s show and how the dad is the one to drag Owen away from freedom in the tv#he’s holding Owen back but they’re so fucking scared to live as Isabel and are just stuck in a cycle of self loathing#but there’s still time#the reason Maddy/Tara doesn’t come back is because there is still time#but Owen has to be the one to commit to being Isabel and no one else is going to drag them into the dirt#it’s their choice alone and their inaction is a choice all on its own#no matter how much time passes as long as Owen is alive then there is still time to change but their inaction is slowly killing them#the fact they find the truth in their own chest dude that’s such a trans thing#where the fuck is my insurance card I’m calling my doctor to start t when the offices open#THERES STILL TIME MAN#THERES STILL TIME
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Just got here. Tf is happening?
#strawbebies??#halo my love are you okay??#everyone clap i spent the last 4 hours totally offline 👍 <- was playing sims#(game is going well in case you're wondering)#(yes i am still building jorgen and mona's house. it took me a while to get everything exactly right)#(we are decorating now FINALLY)#it's been 4 days yes i know. listen. i take this seriously#no they are not my active family. they are simply my Sims's besties#yes im aware i will spend very little time inside their house. so what. i want my friends to have pretty and luxurious homes#the helvigs are living GOOD. got them a little inside pool and all#because why not#it pains me to make it all celebrity white minimalism but i gotta stay true to them.#the Scandinavian architecture does make it a lot better. nice warm wood accents and floors to make it less sterile#still. i gave them the most obnoxious wood centre table for the main living room and put exactly one (1) single flower there#i don't mind minimalism but this is too much uhg. i hate how vogue catalog this is turning out#ngl i am very seriously considering getting a minor only degree in interior design. like. I'm halfway there already#ANYWAYS. how is everyone? all we are alive still? facing the horrors? being brave?
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It occurs to me that what we saw in ep7 may have been Rogue going through the 5 stages of grief. She started with Denial (can't accept that Remy's dead) and Anger (killing Trask).
Cable showing up with the possibility of saving Remy via time travel could mean we'll see Bargaining in ep8, then Depression if that somehow doesn't work.
If this is what's happening, then my guess is Remy won't return until after Rogue reaches the Acceptance stage. In storytelling terms, that's just how this stuff tends to work. I kind of hope I'm wrong though; I really don't feel like waiting that long to get him back, but I could see it playing out like this...
In the closing scene of ep10, Rogue finally, sadly accepts that Remy is gone, she visits his grave to say goodbye... only to find the grave empty.
BOOM. Enter Death!Gambit or Prime Sentinel!Gambit... in season 2.
#x men 97#rogue#anna marie lebeau#gambit#remy lebeau#romy#i'll take anything#i just want my boy back#exactly how much pain are we in for?#the payoff to this better be worth it i s2g#cable get your ass back here and fix this shit#rogue x gambit
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i am genuinely so crazyyyy about lbruuuuu.... like Genuinely Genuinely. its pretty bad guise
#like. im crazy about the.m#unfortunately ive been touched by autism and therefore the pattern seeking. they are so dirkjake#and also so me nand my husband <3#its kind of freaky actually#my husband and kabru both have ptsd overthinking masking disease. he said he didnt like kabru (anime only) and i told him about those trait#and he was like is he me. is that why i dont like him. and i was like LOL#he was ilke i dont like that he says what he needs to get what he wants... and i was like sir we literally just talked about how bad your#Fake Conflict Avoidant has gotten bro dont even play#im laios ofc.... ofc... not only is our autism like. similar in presentation. but also the whole never fitting in#and getting told off by a friend granted i wasnt told she always hated me but i was told about how annoying i am and on another occasion#how unreliable i am so LOLLLL that entireeeee scene seriously wrenched my soul#anyway im gonna commit egregious acts against myself to atone for this#alsoooooohis relationship with falin... is really relatable..#now this may sound harsh against laios but im his number one fan i will defend him to death but...#he left his struggling sister to avoid his own pain and didnt reconnect with her for years#like. Yeah. wow. i will say i was much more cruel to my sibling than laios ever was to falin lol he was just kind of a normal brotherly ass#and ofc he was a kid when he ran from home! and i was a kid when i had severe unmanaged adhd (with tism) and had 0 hold on my emotions#and then i withdrew from my sibling once i got on antidepressants lol#it was really difficult to deal with the guilt of having mistreated them to the extent i did while also acknowledging i was failed by our#adults its hard figuring out what exactly youre sorry for#anyways#i love oversharing here. do you guys like it. does anyone ever read these rants#DM
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i'd be chilling and then suddenly remember how juan's character has revolved around his desire to be loved by his family, seeking genuine affection, and trying to prove himself as a true borgia. yet, he was killed while being told he was never a true borgia and was made fully aware that his entire family despised him, (even though he believed he was acting for the right reasons and has never comprehended why nobody understood that all his actions and motivations were for the betterment of his family but alas) basically everything that he feared the most was true and he was probably still alive when he hit the water after cesare and micheletto threw him off the bridge—a tragic testament that his worst nightmares had indeed become his inescapable truth.
#will he ever leave my mind? stay tuned#being emo for juan hours#the writers have abandoned juan's characters exactly like how his family did...no one cheered!!#him getting killed while being sickly and weak was wild and painful ngl#not my fault that david brought so much life to the character he made him remarkable and unforgettable#he was opening up to cesare like we were getting somewhere and...sigh#this is not even a shade @ cesare's character because murdering juan was just the beginning of his atrocious dark prince era#aka started to get more interesting#that being said#we've been robbed of juan flashbacks but then again they would've done them if juan wasn't completely discarded by everyone but his father#juan borgia#david oakes#the borgias#text post
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Well, It’s official🫣
#I feel so evillll#but i genuinely love andy so much it’s a little concerning#next playthrough jamal i promise😭#this is actually exactly how s3 went for me - i was with aj and then yasmin happened🥺#painful but needed#we look cute together though mwah😚😚😚#ugh just don’t change my little kitten🥺#litg#love island the game#litg s6#litg double trouble#litg andy#litg mc#litg jamal
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#unfortunately i dont have anything to show you foday#or anything particular to tell you either#so how about you look at this flower i bought at the local store and i think about what to say along the way#actually the employee at the store gave me a discount#every time i buy flowers im forced to participate in human interactions with strangers and remember that we live in a society#i think now that summer is over and the grass is no longer that green and touchable we should buy flowers from time to time to remain sane#i had to take a break from meds for a few days last week and it went rather ok. except i was bawling my eyes out at every given opportunity#you know. there is actually a game that keeps making me cry even when i cant really physically do it#its not really that sad. i would say that the main genre of this game is actually comedy. but the topics raised in dialogues wreck my brain#i dont really feel anything at all while reading the text or anything like that. i dont ecen think about it that much#but every now and then i feel the wetness on my hands and realize i've been crying for a while because of what read there#thats how i cry 99% of the time since the day i was born and i didnt really think anything about it untill now#my psychiatrist told me i have severe problems with dissociation and recognising my own emotions#but a few days ago i was watching some silly local soap opera in the background (im binging this stuff its iconic) & it broke my brain#the raised topics in the series triggered me this much i felt The Pain™. idk how to describe it rather then The Pain™ lol#now im back on meds and i dont feel anything at all again. this or my ability to recognise my own emotions just went down to 5% again#sometime i dream of someone who would posses my brain for a few minutes so that they would help me understand what i really feel#or if my reactions to life events are correct. sometimes when i think that i know exactly what i feel i stop myself and recognise#that i dont know nor understand shit#the more i think about it the more materialistic i become#you can always measure something physical. you can touch it or even search every inch of it with a magnifying glass all you want#but you cant measure the feeling#you know its really bizzare that i feel so much attraction towards poetry while having so much trouble with the concept of emotions itself#you can call me pragmatic but im too lenient for that. you can call me lenient but im too pragmatic for that. idk man. im gonna sleep now
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#so. the choir is over#the choir i was the member of since 2016#the conductor wrote us a letter about the reasons why. and i have many complex feelings about it#most if not all of them are negative#rly the only positive thing is that if i get accepted into the uni choir (audition on the 3rd of october) i wont have to balance rehearshals#everything else is just. sadness. anger. betrayal#it really started hitting today that damn its all real like im grieving for it#a song from our repertoire got stuck in my head but i didn't remember how it went exactly so i got my folder filled with sheets out#and it just. hurt. it hurt to be turning the pages of my concert folder#it all hurts so much.#our would-be last concerts were all cancelled and we did not even know they would be the last one#i wish i could sing with them one last time#we probably will organize a meeting or smth. but right now its still very sudden and fresh and painful#sigh. if you somehow read this all: thank you#for sitting with me for a while.#txt#tbd
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