#everytime i take a break from thinking about kms

[s--strawberry]

i really appreciate the way jean's brain works. he be having very heavy suicidal thoughts or remembering traumatic shit and then he suddenly goes. hold on. big thighs ? sexy women in bikinis ?? a water drop going down a naked back ? pretty boy is now blond ??? why is everyone so short ? pretty boy GAY ????

its so relatable. i feel so seen,

[viharbinger]

Hear me out. . . Jin Sakai + childhood friends to lovers 🩷

Childhood Friends to Lovers

pairings: Jin Sakai x gn! reader

a/n: hi I have school on July 1st imma kms tbh 🥹

warnings: nothing, mentions of marriage?

masterlist

The young lord Sakai was a timid boy growing up. He grew more brave over the years, of course, but you were the highlight of it— by chasing him with bugs and scaring him with stories you heard from adults like a bear roaming around the village.

You first met near a river by the village when you saw him climbing up a tree. Being a chilvarous child, you followed him up, scaring him down the process. Let's say a few broken bones appeared when you both accidentally fell down.

As innocent as you look, his parents and Yuriko could not even begin to resent you for breaking his bones on accident because of how well you were bringing him out of his shell. They love that their only son was finally out there making friends.

However, you don't know his family that well since they seem to always be somewhere else whenever you're around. But whenever you do get to visit, Yuriko will always be there handing out snacks and taking care of you like you're also part of clan Sakai.

She'd comb your hair so it was neat and tidy when she's finished with Jin's, clean your clothes when it's muddy after playing with Jin— you're practically family!

Over the years as you grew up, there was definitely some romantic tension around, almost kisses here and there, and definitely a lot of hand holding. Jin does sees this, but he doesn't do anything yet as he's simply too busy to advance further in your relationship. But of course, you're not going to let that slide.

Finally when the time was right, Jin was back at home in Omi village and had spare time. Let's say that you gave him a kiss or two and it all worked out. He was also uncharacteristically smiling the whole day after that, you'd think he was a different man.

The first kiss was honestly a test on the waters, you did it first to see if he was fine with it. He was surprised at first, speechless, in fact. It almost made you chicken out and started apologising for trying to make an advance on Lord Sakai. "I'm sorry. Keep going." He says, blinking out of the trance you put him in, cheeks flush. And you kissed him a second time. And another. And another one longer than that one. It's like you're teenagers learning to kiss for the first time. Which probably was true on his part.

Everytime you meet now, he's greeting you by kissing your hands, and caressing them softly. It's like your playful and messy friendship changed completely to a beautifully romantic one. Sometimes, you even get the surprise of Jin bringing you back a gift from his travels. Maybe a poem? Flowers? Or something you like?

The next thing he's thinking about is marrying you, honestly. You seem to be the only person to be able to capture his heart and keep it full, he's not gonna let you get away!

And when the samurais on Komoda beach fell and Jin barely came out alive, he went to you as soon as he could. He needed to know if you were okay. If his best friend and partner was okay. "Jin.. You're alive." You hugged him tightly, dropping the bags of goods on the floor.

"Of course." He whispers, hugging you right back, pressing a firm kiss to your temple. "But how? I heard every samurai died. I was about to prepare your funeral." You laugh cry, wiping the sharp painful tears away.

"I'm here now, just like always." He tucks a stray hair away from your face, watching as your expression changes from upset to happy. He's right, he has always been with you. Since you were just a little child, he's always been.

[angellurgy2]

i thinkci just ruin everything in my life. i walk around trying my fucking hardest to be the best girl i can be, to communicate my issues, to tell when I feel bad abt them, to try n figure out how to move past them. i try to engage w people on things they like i try to pretend i like things i try to pretend im a person who is able to interact w 'interests' i try to pretend i can take all the fucking abuse and exclusion and forgetfulness on a daily basis but no matter what i do i just ruin everything somehow. ive stopped speaking out loud to anyone at all irl bc i know everythinf that co w out of my mouth will be hated on or taken with the worst assumption possible instead of assuming the best in me which no one has ever done. even my irl gfs never think of me. never even consider what id like. i get to just rot while they run away without ever msging me to go fuck a girl who hate s me. i want a fucjing break from the pain which is why i tried to kms but its not always gonna fuckinf work so im just stuck here n i cant reaaally come online for refuge anymore bc all im reminded of is how much people have fucjing abandoned me and how u all reblog all of their shit so theyre plastered on my dash and i just wanna fucking escape this endless pain that I can never avoid feeling. i want real fucking friends but im just not allowed to have them i guess. at times ive thought 'im glad i didnt die b4 so i could meet my first irl gfs at least' but now i dont. now i just wish that the pain would(ve) stop at all. and sure some of the problem is just that ppl r fucking assholes who refuse to acrually care about their sisters and are lying to everyones faces abt their morality but clearly im a walking fckn problem too. no matter what everytime im around smth gets ruined. what am i even supposed to fucking do when theres no point in trying anything anymore

[blueskiesfillmymind]

what’s your opinion on each Blue version ? 👁️👁️

I was waiting for another ask!! Oh my god you're gonna be here for a while!! Cuz I'm gonna gush so much!!

Btw im gonna use acronyms for most of the titles of the animations and such so incase u need context.

KM - Kiss Me

LDT - Look Dont Touch

LF - Love Fool

SUASWM - Shut Up And Sleep With Me

BBYHL - Baby Hotline

WIW - wutiwant [one and two]

OTF - On The Floor

KMY - Kuruoze Miy

BMTHD - Bring Me The Horizon / Drown

LTH - Let It Happen

OL - Ordinary Life

So with that out of the way, Here. We. Go!

Kid blue [PRE-TRAUMA]

Blue's baby photos are just adorable!! Makes me wanna give his cheeks a small squishy squish,, I also wanna just- take him to an arcade,, he feels like such an arcade lover,, I wish to pamper him and treat him so much better, I remember when we were kids, we made mud pies and played in the rain together, and honestly those childhood memories makes me all the more happy that we've come so far,, I dont have much else to say other than he's a cutie patootie :3

Adult Blue [PRE-TRAUMA | KM - LDT -SUASWM]

My oh my,, he's such a flirt! His warm soft smug smile, his smaller more awkward moments when i flirt back with him are pure bliss,, the way he peppers me with kisses and always leans on me whenever he needs breaks from his work,, he's my handsy handsome boy!! And he loves me sosomuch,,, The way he'd give me sly glances whenever possible,, and his lovely tooth gap- Have I ever said how much I love his tooth gap? God he's seriously so lovely,, hearing him whistle simple tunes while we walk side by side,, hhrrgsggs

Mild Blue [SLBB - WIW1]

He has such a wounded heart,, it makes me wanna bitch slap pink even more whenever I think of this version of blue, even without his mouth he's quite kissable, he's more quiet than most of the other versions, yet all I can do is softly caress his cheeks, and passionately kiss him, mouth or not,, the way we'd lay together in comfortable silence as he boops his no-mouth against my own mouth, he actually loves doing that with me, kissing my cheeks even though he has no mouth, aside for his devilish smile ofc,, it's like he kisses me through a face mask,,

Heart Blue [BBYHL]

Sly,, Playboy,,, Bnuy,, BLU- no joke he's such a slut for pampering me,, and I mean that in the most loving way ever. I mean cmon, he wears a light pink sweater layered over a button up shirt, his sleazy black pants and lastly his lovely fluffy hair,, his heart glasses adorning his framed face as he looks at me with his tinted glasses,, gosh I'd be here for Years just to gush about his eyes,, The way he sometimes slips his hand near my waist to pull me closer sometimes,, gives me butterflies everytime!!

Hypersexual Blue [KMY]

The fact that when I've fallen for blue,, he was my first taste of- HOLY FUCK HIS TONGUE- May I say that his tongue knows how to knot cherry stems,, his tongue dancing along mine whenever we make out is pure bliss,, sure his mouth tastes like alcohol and booze,, but my god it makes me want to get drunk by his sensual touches,, and whenever we have that special moment,, its all like a wet dream,, his tongue is not only talented but he's surprisingly flexible, in a way he is a little stiff in some places, but he's still flexy,,

Cyan Blue [BMTHD]

Fire, Pain, just his pure denial ignites his rage, the way he sees himself is such a sad feeling, aswell as the way he's stuck in this episode of denying his entire abuse just pains me so so so badly,, During it all, he was so afraid of touching me.. almost isolating himself from me and other awful things, we ended up taking a small healthy break from one another.. but then after he healed,, he apologized for his manic behavior,, and I accepted him in a heartbeat,, having to finally feel his face again was such a blessing,, and I could tell he missed my touch aswell,,

White blue [WIW2]

All I'm going to say,, is I'm proud of him atleast,, finding his scars all over his body made me feel so sorry for him,, and when I watched the video, I felt so hurt.. the way he was silenced for being a man? I'd say that's rlly sexist. but that's not what I'm gonna touch on. I've had to comfort blue, we ended up cuddling when he got back,, I sang the two of us to sleep, and when he woke up, he kissed my cheek softly and mumbled a soft "Thank you",, aaughhh,,,

[Side note 4 paranoid: Whenever blue had those paranoid episodes, I've found another way of comforting them with my voice,, and now whenever he goes through those episodes, he'll either stand there frozen or just get to me for my comfort]

Grey Blue [LTH]

He was in such a spiral,, I felt super super awful for how the aftermath definitely made a number on him, every night he'd cling on me, to which I'd always nuzzle him to remind him how much he means to me,, every night he tears up and cried, whenever I'd see his dried tears, I'd clean them up for him,, aswell as brushing his hair that he was growing out, ngl I missed his mullet,, but hey, I'll love him no matter what <3

End Blue [OL]

... i felt so awful, and absolutely depressed when he began thinking of the things he's always been comparing himself to,, "My existence makes everyone uncomfortable, I'm a peice of shit!" Yet here I am. Thinkin the polar opposite, we both have had therapy times and during the end of it, I'd always ask for a hug, if he accepts, I'd rock him back and forth and hum a soft comforting tune,, if he dosnt want a hug, I'd ask for an alternative, and usually most time we'd always end up cuddling afterwards, I'm apart of his healing, I never want him to go through that ever again,

I'm not gonna talk about the abuser version of blue, he's nothing but a figure of his imagination, he isnt real. Not to me, and never will be real to blue,,

Anyways!!! Yeah,,, as you can tell i love blue :3

[royalmokwamonster]

April 6, 2025 @2:25am

everyday im reminded how much i fucked myself up

dude when was the last time i was this mean to myslef? and what am i doing? not helping myslef. clearly. even my immune system is showing me how prone i've become to viruses.

i feel bad complaining about my program to my friends. i mean shit. this shit revolves around me for the next few years.

im already not graduating with my friends... well i mean friend. because of me. damn.

i feel bad maybe i dont deserve to be here. im not built to balance hard courses. and what's retarded is that we're not allowed to pick and choose what courses to take. it very high school built.

i hate this. i hate me. i hated high school. and i chose to do a very high school (shaped) program. people have clicks. all i do is homework (home + school + repeat). the days like today, yesterday, the day before - because i've been sick i dont want to do homewokr bc the brain logged out. and i feel so guilty not doing work. becasue everytime i try going back to the grind ... im reminded how much im a failure:)

why does kuya never reach out? idc about the new girl youre talking to... why dont u ever call? like thanks for the money... i bought a cake when i realized i wont be passing a class. i started my year w a breakup where were you to coddle me?? im not trying to root for your failure in your next talking stage w that gluten-free gal- i just want you to willingly call too.

ive been feeling so lonely. so misunderstood. and i feel reminded how much i failed lots of people. my fault.

i had my first nap today. that felt good, needed actually. im constipated asf hahahaha. i still feel like shit tho. my throat hurts.

i think i was relasping from my pills since Wednesday.

i got sick Wednesday night/Thurdasy

i got a abd virus

i cant eat much food ;//// you'll catch me puking at 5am :P

i need to do my presentation PPT w my group in 24h from now and i dont know if my group is ready lmao

i feel bad talkning about my struggles to otehrs bc everyone else is locked in. i gave up on myslef long ago (week 9 to be exact) when it was talking about the dropping out dates. in 24h from now it will be week 13.

i want out of here. im tired to waking up being reminded how much im failing. i give up on myself. i done gave up on myself. no one can save me. and that's why i feel so lonely. and complaining about my failure to others ... they dont deserve it. they're thriving and who am i to drag the mood? no one cares. honeslty. it'll only make them feel better about themselves (like oh- i guess my life isnt that bad afterall). like... you feel shitty? try failing two classes. bet you cant top that huh? yea. so carry on with ur day Ch*ntl:) guess you were right... if IS IN FACT THE SEMESTER PPL DO GET FILTERED! fuck off.

like why would you say that? like no that's what i mean... eveyrwhere you go you this program i get reminded off ughhhhhh who gives a fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

what else is interesting beyond nursing. like give me a damn break. yea lets talk for 3 secs bc the moment my ass hits the chair again i'll be doing 4h of nurisng homeowrk again. so PLEASE. let's talk about what's going on in the world, what you heard, what you've been doing lately.

i've been sick.

i've gone thru a breakup.

i've been listening to reddit podcasts.

i've been listening to Jelena and Jailey drama.

im going home this weekend

i bought a hoodie.

im thinking of dying my hair.

SOMETHING.

do i hate people? or do i hate me for not having patience for others?

im want to kms but i wont<3 xox