#everytime i take a break from thinking about kms

[gay-strawberry]

i really appreciate the way jean's brain works. he be having very heavy suicidal thoughts or remembering traumatic shit and then he suddenly goes. hold on. big thighs ? sexy women in bikinis ?? a water drop going down a naked back ? pretty boy is now blond ??? why is everyone so short ? pretty boy GAY ????

its so relatable. i feel so seen,

[viharbinger]

Hear me out. . . Jin Sakai + childhood friends to lovers 🩷

Childhood Friends to Lovers

pairings: Jin Sakai x gn! reader

a/n: hi I have school on July 1st imma kms tbh 🥹

warnings: nothing, mentions of marriage?

masterlist

The young lord Sakai was a timid boy growing up. He grew more brave over the years, of course, but you were the highlight of it— by chasing him with bugs and scaring him with stories you heard from adults like a bear roaming around the village.

You first met near a river by the village when you saw him climbing up a tree. Being a chilvarous child, you followed him up, scaring him down the process. Let's say a few broken bones appeared when you both accidentally fell down.

As innocent as you look, his parents and Yuriko could not even begin to resent you for breaking his bones on accident because of how well you were bringing him out of his shell. They love that their only son was finally out there making friends.

However, you don't know his family that well since they seem to always be somewhere else whenever you're around. But whenever you do get to visit, Yuriko will always be there handing out snacks and taking care of you like you're also part of clan Sakai.

She'd comb your hair so it was neat and tidy when she's finished with Jin's, clean your clothes when it's muddy after playing with Jin— you're practically family!

Over the years as you grew up, there was definitely some romantic tension around, almost kisses here and there, and definitely a lot of hand holding. Jin does sees this, but he doesn't do anything yet as he's simply too busy to advance further in your relationship. But of course, you're not going to let that slide.

Finally when the time was right, Jin was back at home in Omi village and had spare time. Let's say that you gave him a kiss or two and it all worked out. He was also uncharacteristically smiling the whole day after that, you'd think he was a different man.

The first kiss was honestly a test on the waters, you did it first to see if he was fine with it. He was surprised at first, speechless, in fact. It almost made you chicken out and started apologising for trying to make an advance on Lord Sakai. "I'm sorry. Keep going." He says, blinking out of the trance you put him in, cheeks flush. And you kissed him a second time. And another. And another one longer than that one. It's like you're teenagers learning to kiss for the first time. Which probably was true on his part.

Everytime you meet now, he's greeting you by kissing your hands, and caressing them softly. It's like your playful and messy friendship changed completely to a beautifully romantic one. Sometimes, you even get the surprise of Jin bringing you back a gift from his travels. Maybe a poem? Flowers? Or something you like?

The next thing he's thinking about is marrying you, honestly. You seem to be the only person to be able to capture his heart and keep it full, he's not gonna let you get away!

And when the samurais on Komoda beach fell and Jin barely came out alive, he went to you as soon as he could. He needed to know if you were okay. If his best friend and partner was okay. "Jin.. You're alive." You hugged him tightly, dropping the bags of goods on the floor.

"Of course." He whispers, hugging you right back, pressing a firm kiss to your temple. "But how? I heard every samurai died. I was about to prepare your funeral." You laugh cry, wiping the sharp painful tears away.

"I'm here now, just like always." He tucks a stray hair away from your face, watching as your expression changes from upset to happy. He's right, he has always been with you. Since you were just a little child, he's always been.

[angellurgy2]

i thinkci just ruin everything in my life. i walk around trying my fucking hardest to be the best girl i can be, to communicate my issues, to tell when I feel bad abt them, to try n figure out how to move past them. i try to engage w people on things they like i try to pretend i like things i try to pretend im a person who is able to interact w 'interests' i try to pretend i can take all the fucking abuse and exclusion and forgetfulness on a daily basis but no matter what i do i just ruin everything somehow. ive stopped speaking out loud to anyone at all irl bc i know everythinf that co w out of my mouth will be hated on or taken with the worst assumption possible instead of assuming the best in me which no one has ever done. even my irl gfs never think of me. never even consider what id like. i get to just rot while they run away without ever msging me to go fuck a girl who hate s me. i want a fucjing break from the pain which is why i tried to kms but its not always gonna fuckinf work so im just stuck here n i cant reaaally come online for refuge anymore bc all im reminded of is how much people have fucjing abandoned me and how u all reblog all of their shit so theyre plastered on my dash and i just wanna fucking escape this endless pain that I can never avoid feeling. i want real fucking friends but im just not allowed to have them i guess. at times ive thought 'im glad i didnt die b4 so i could meet my first irl gfs at least' but now i dont. now i just wish that the pain would(ve) stop at all. and sure some of the problem is just that ppl r fucking assholes who refuse to acrually care about their sisters and are lying to everyones faces abt their morality but clearly im a walking fckn problem too. no matter what everytime im around smth gets ruined. what am i even supposed to fucking do when theres no point in trying anything anymore

[blueskiesfillmymind]

what’s your opinion on each Blue version ? 👁️👁️

I was waiting for another ask!! Oh my god you're gonna be here for a while!! Cuz I'm gonna gush so much!!

Btw im gonna use acronyms for most of the titles of the animations and such so incase u need context.

KM - Kiss Me

LDT - Look Dont Touch

LF - Love Fool

SUASWM - Shut Up And Sleep With Me

BBYHL - Baby Hotline

WIW - wutiwant [one and two]

OTF - On The Floor

KMY - Kuruoze Miy

BMTHD - Bring Me The Horizon / Drown

LTH - Let It Happen

OL - Ordinary Life

So with that out of the way, Here. We. Go!

Kid blue [PRE-TRAUMA]

Blue's baby photos are just adorable!! Makes me wanna give his cheeks a small squishy squish,, I also wanna just- take him to an arcade,, he feels like such an arcade lover,, I wish to pamper him and treat him so much better, I remember when we were kids, we made mud pies and played in the rain together, and honestly those childhood memories makes me all the more happy that we've come so far,, I dont have much else to say other than he's a cutie patootie :3

Adult Blue [PRE-TRAUMA | KM - LDT -SUASWM]

My oh my,, he's such a flirt! His warm soft smug smile, his smaller more awkward moments when i flirt back with him are pure bliss,, the way he peppers me with kisses and always leans on me whenever he needs breaks from his work,, he's my handsy handsome boy!! And he loves me sosomuch,,, The way he'd give me sly glances whenever possible,, and his lovely tooth gap- Have I ever said how much I love his tooth gap? God he's seriously so lovely,, hearing him whistle simple tunes while we walk side by side,, hhrrgsggs

Mild Blue [SLBB - WIW1]

He has such a wounded heart,, it makes me wanna bitch slap pink even more whenever I think of this version of blue, even without his mouth he's quite kissable, he's more quiet than most of the other versions, yet all I can do is softly caress his cheeks, and passionately kiss him, mouth or not,, the way we'd lay together in comfortable silence as he boops his no-mouth against my own mouth, he actually loves doing that with me, kissing my cheeks even though he has no mouth, aside for his devilish smile ofc,, it's like he kisses me through a face mask,,

Heart Blue [BBYHL]

Sly,, Playboy,,, Bnuy,, BLU- no joke he's such a slut for pampering me,, and I mean that in the most loving way ever. I mean cmon, he wears a light pink sweater layered over a button up shirt, his sleazy black pants and lastly his lovely fluffy hair,, his heart glasses adorning his framed face as he looks at me with his tinted glasses,, gosh I'd be here for Years just to gush about his eyes,, The way he sometimes slips his hand near my waist to pull me closer sometimes,, gives me butterflies everytime!!

Hypersexual Blue [KMY]

The fact that when I've fallen for blue,, he was my first taste of- HOLY FUCK HIS TONGUE- May I say that his tongue knows how to knot cherry stems,, his tongue dancing along mine whenever we make out is pure bliss,, sure his mouth tastes like alcohol and booze,, but my god it makes me want to get drunk by his sensual touches,, and whenever we have that special moment,, its all like a wet dream,, his tongue is not only talented but he's surprisingly flexible, in a way he is a little stiff in some places, but he's still flexy,,

Cyan Blue [BMTHD]

Fire, Pain, just his pure denial ignites his rage, the way he sees himself is such a sad feeling, aswell as the way he's stuck in this episode of denying his entire abuse just pains me so so so badly,, During it all, he was so afraid of touching me.. almost isolating himself from me and other awful things, we ended up taking a small healthy break from one another.. but then after he healed,, he apologized for his manic behavior,, and I accepted him in a heartbeat,, having to finally feel his face again was such a blessing,, and I could tell he missed my touch aswell,,

White blue [WIW2]

All I'm going to say,, is I'm proud of him atleast,, finding his scars all over his body made me feel so sorry for him,, and when I watched the video, I felt so hurt.. the way he was silenced for being a man? I'd say that's rlly sexist. but that's not what I'm gonna touch on. I've had to comfort blue, we ended up cuddling when he got back,, I sang the two of us to sleep, and when he woke up, he kissed my cheek softly and mumbled a soft "Thank you",, aaughhh,,,

[Side note 4 paranoid: Whenever blue had those paranoid episodes, I've found another way of comforting them with my voice,, and now whenever he goes through those episodes, he'll either stand there frozen or just get to me for my comfort]

Grey Blue [LTH]

He was in such a spiral,, I felt super super awful for how the aftermath definitely made a number on him, every night he'd cling on me, to which I'd always nuzzle him to remind him how much he means to me,, every night he tears up and cried, whenever I'd see his dried tears, I'd clean them up for him,, aswell as brushing his hair that he was growing out, ngl I missed his mullet,, but hey, I'll love him no matter what <3

End Blue [OL]

... i felt so awful, and absolutely depressed when he began thinking of the things he's always been comparing himself to,, "My existence makes everyone uncomfortable, I'm a peice of shit!" Yet here I am. Thinkin the polar opposite, we both have had therapy times and during the end of it, I'd always ask for a hug, if he accepts, I'd rock him back and forth and hum a soft comforting tune,, if he dosnt want a hug, I'd ask for an alternative, and usually most time we'd always end up cuddling afterwards, I'm apart of his healing, I never want him to go through that ever again,

I'm not gonna talk about the abuser version of blue, he's nothing but a figure of his imagination, he isnt real. Not to me, and never will be real to blue,,

Anyways!!! Yeah,,, as you can tell i love blue :3

[vacancy90]

The pleasure! The joy!

I made it to the summit of Mont Ventoux today! ⛰🎉💪 2nd attempt yay!

Keep reading for the full report and more pics 😊

What a day! Everything went according to plan and sooo well. I'm still stunned.

So I rented this super cool e-race bike. Unfortunately I chose the frame a little too small but anyway, it worked OK. I set out from Malaucène at 13:30 and reached the summit after 1.35 hours. Which is pretty insane speed for the 22 km climb. I felt almost bad everytime I passed someone going up "the honest way". I was flying up the road at about 12/14 km/h on average. The fastest speed being 28.5 km/h. And now let me tell you - this was still sport and an effort! It's by no means riding like on a motorbike. It was still a matter of pedalling and pedalling and pedalling and the sun burning down on me. Also, always skipping between the 3 levels of support. I couldn't go full support all the way, the battery wouldn't have lasted that long. So, yeah, I am super proud and happy and it was so cool to eventually take that famous pic in front of the summit sign. I have such a massive respect for everyone who mad it up there by pure muscle power. And many were even riding much further than only the 22 km climb. They've come from other towns and had quite a journey behind them as I learned from some. There was a couple, I think on their honeymoon because the woman was wearing a veil under her helmet, and they reached the top together by muscle power. They were so cute.

Before I continue, take a guess what hurt the most after over 40 km on that bike?

a) the legs

b) the bottom/lady parts

c) fingers

Ok, so, I'm up there, happy, proud, enjoying the stunning views and a caffeine bar but didn't have too much time as I had to return the rented bike soon. 🥲 NOW - the descent! Oh. My. Lord! As much as it was fun, it was scary! Thanks to the little bike computer I could see my speed. The average was about 40 km/h with a peak at almost 60 km/h which was freaking scary! I was literally flying. On slippery flat pedals, on a too small bike. Lol. I tried to imagine what it would be like going down over 70 km/h, let alone 100 km/h. Everyone who does that must be freaking nuts! I mean, the road here was shared with cars, motorbikes, camper vans, walkers even (oh and one guy on roller skis) so no way to go faster than that and not without the right shoes and pedals. That's for another day 🤫

So, what hurt the most? The fingers! Jfc, braking for 22 km is hard! I had to take 3 breaks on the way down to shake my numb fingers back to life. Also they became sweaty and I was scared what'd happened if I slipped? So yeah, 2nd most: lady parts, because of the too small bike and the saddle was a bit too low 🙈 (but shoutout to the super bib shorts I bought here, great padding)

I arrived back in Malaucène much earlier than my "service car" ;) and had some time to chat some more with the very friendly rental dude. Told him I only started cycling a few weeks ago. His response was "Oh, congratulations!" (How sweet) and he had a cute doggo there minding the shop ☺

I could keep talking about today forever but I'll stop now. Here are some pics and one of a souvenir from the summit 👜😄

[fuckedamygdala]

// tw if anyone sees this : sh , suicide , depression in bpd //

when i say kim kibum saved my life i truly mean it, i know sad kpop fans throw that term “saved my life” out a lot i know some fans mean it literally like me . as some people know , key made a message on instagram reaching out to a fan suffering with self harm and he talked about his own past and encouraged them to stop self harming and checking on how they are . when i saw this i immediately just got so upset bc i suffered extremely bad self harm tendancies .

i’ve been clean for 4 months , it would’ve been near to a year if it weren’t for a particularly bad split where i found something sharp that wasn’t a blade (i actually have no clue what it was which is bad but i was desperate) . my self harming issues were so bad if i was depressed in class when i was in high school i remember discretely ctting myself under the desk a few times under my skirt when no one was looking if the teacher didn’t let me out but if they did i would do it in an empty room and break down in there until one of my mental health/behavioural mentors found me .

so when i saw it i got upset because i thought of myself . i have that screenshot saved so many separate times in my camera roll so i can quickly save it . i favourited it too for quick access . in early stages of the thoughts when if i am still somewhat in control it would help me bc key has been my ult bias for a while now , i’m not saying it stopped me everytime but i’m sensitive when it comes to people i really care about so it helped a lot . my self harm got so bad the only way i stopped was by having all of my sharp objects taken off me , even then i would break the metal off my pens and use that . but the message really helped and i might’ve died due to the severity of it . on top of that i tried to kms so many times that way and other ways too but obviously i’m still here .

even without the message key has still helped me so much , to cheer up and be happy , he gave and still gives me things to look forward to and live for . i am so happy now , ofc im still not fully healed , i have a disorder it’s not as easy as that . but it definitely is so much less severe . i’m a lot happier now and my emotions are a lot better and i have much healthier relationships.

also a funny thing , one time i was ab to kms by stabbing bc i kept surviving attempts and i thoguht it would be the only way to die and i was ab to get the knife out the kitchen and ring ding dong started playing in mg headphones (i was listening to my sad playlist and i forgot i added ring ding dong incase j got too sad and tried to kms and it worked) idk if it’s my bpd making me switch up in a second but i couldn’t take myself seriously so i think that song saved me from an attempt that would have definitely killed me

[pratyayasingh]

Chronic pain and family

Talking about our problems is at greatest addiction. Break the habit. Talk about your joys…. famous quote by Rita schiano

I, personally agreed to this to some extent, but in case of chronic illness ( I read this in context to chronic pain patients articles ) I can’t agree to it. I, myself, a chronic pain patient and honestly  I simply just cant buy this idea.

Chronic illness,if explained in layman language, any kind of disease which lasts more than 3 months come under chronic illness. And,  I’m dealing with different health issues both at physical level and mental level since last 9-10 years,so according to definition i can say I’m an ancient chronic pain patient😬😀😀

Anyways, on serious note, neither definition nor any quotes can help to deal with chronic medical conditions, and its worst if one have medical conditions which are not curable,  only manageable and nail in the coffin is ,conditions in which patient “don’t look sick”….

There are various issues one has to deal with his/ her chronic condition. Obviously, we need a team of medical practitioners who are understanding, good listeners, show faith in you, motivaters and work as a team with you to manage things.

Another important part is of family members, without their support, empathy its quite difficult to cope up with chronic pains/ illness. But, except few really lucky ones, most of us struggle with extra burden of non- understanding/supporting family or in some cases family is supporting and try to help but as time passes, it’s become difficult for them to deal with it.

And this is the most difficult part for chronic pain patients, as, after some time/ years, people associated with them start getting irritated or frustrated because of this prolonged illness….. its very natural, I’ve no doubts about it, but in addition to it may be they start doubting patient’s conditions, may be its difficult for them to understand that one can be sick for so long, it’s actually difficult to understand why no therapy, medication,strategy  working on patient. So as time passes, they start getting impatient and their this behaviour intentionally or unintentionally makes the patient’s situation more tough.

Now next issue which I think all of us face at one point or another is the advice what to do, what not to, given by our near and dear one. Its  get more difficult/tricky  if he / she is your partner… obviously they won’t want any bad for you afterall they love you, they’re the ones who will be most affected by your condition so its very obvious for them that patient should do what they suggest them and things get bitter when you are blamed if you dont get relief from their advice,which obviously ,they think will definitely work because they think that way but they forget that most of the things they suggest  are the things they heard from horses mouth .According to them, you’re not listening to them or the famous line: ” ITS ALL IN YOUR HEAD”…..but like really….🤔🤔🤨🤨😏huh….

Now the question is what can be done to improve this situation?? because just keep cripping about this won’t serve any purpose.

I genuinely believe in the fact that it’s not fair to expect understanding everytime from the people around us, afterall they’re human beings too, with their own share of problems, challenges of life.

I feel few things can be done in this case: first is regular counselling of the carers/ immediate family members so they can get rid of the pressure, negativity, exhaustion of living with chronic pain patient.

Another important point is to make them understand that as a patient we need their love, care, acts of showing concern and EMPATHY and not SYMPATHY… personally its very important for me I don’t want sympathy ,like I don’t want that all the time everybody should only revolve around me but yes, I expect most of the times,  not always as its bit difficult, my family show that we know you’re struggling and you’re trying to come out of it, keep trying we’re with you….In one line, little appreciation for my efforts

Another thing ,actually the most important is to educate carer / family member about the illness like what it is, what are the symptoms, how it can affect patient not only at physical level but also at mental level , its very important to understand physchological side of chronic disease/ illness… … take an example,most  of the times just taking a shower needs energy approx. equal to energy a healthy person needs to say run 3 to 4 kms… it’s sad😔😔but its true for most of Chronic pain patients …..

People can avoid using terms in front of chronic pain patients like you’re being lazy or you have become comfortable in your present health condition, Stop talking all the time about your illness… I agree that it’s important to distract your mind, think positive, re-train your mind and so on but at the same time I understand by just distracting your mind or not talking about illness will not cure you.

So , after struggling with various chronic diseases since last 9-10 years, I come to point that with understanding of your disease, by properly educating family members and with the help of family support and under an environment of loving, caring, understanding and empathetic attitudes of carers, a chronic pain patient if not cured but atleast will be able to manage his medical conditions. Enough for now…..pratyaya

#chronic #pain #help #awareness #family #support #love #empathy

[curiositykilledthegurl]

MERBABeaUty (Azeeeekkk)

Maksudnya di sini adalah salah satu gunung tercantik di Javaaaa: Merbabu chuy. Lewat Jalur Selok, sepanjang perjalanan kanan kir atas (ga pake bawah, pdhal sepanjang jalan liat bawah terus krn ngos2an n bawana pingin pingsan) dipenuhi pemandangan yg omaigat cantik beut. Lebih cantik drpd Mariana Renata (lop u, kakak *peace*).

So how did I get here? Well, It all started when I just cama back from Kerinci (will post on that later this week). Dari postingan Instagram saya (@theresia09), ternyata ada teman yang bertanya apakah saya hobi hiking. Sebenernya ga sih. Baru kali itu mencoba.... lalu diajaklah oleh dia, sebut saja "Coco". I was actually super tired and wanted to take a break, even though it was already a month after I went down from Kerinci. But then I thought, kapan lagi diajak naik gunung lagi ni? Secara, teman saya ga banyak yg suka naik gunung (nantinya baru akan sadar ternyata banyak teman2 yg hobi, tapi mereka tidak pernah bercerita. Mungkin karena mereka pikir saya bukan type yg suka naik gunung).

So the plan was to go to Poncol, Semarang on Thursday Night, and arrive on Friday morning. We took the train (Economy) and I sat with 4 other friends. Before that, I forgot to mention, that we were actually going with a whole community of hikers called "The Expendables Indonesia" (Yeah, ... pretty cool name).

Awalnya minder banget karena mereka komunitas dan mereka memang ""Hobi" naik gunung. Dan saya ya begini.... ga fit, ndut2, lari aja ga bisa, tapi yaudalah ga usah disebut2 ke mereka. Udah keliatan gini dari fisik saya hehehehe.... *demm, ... malu*.

It was still comfortable nonetheless. Meski ACnya agak labil, kadang dingin, kadang gerah (susah tidur)

Pastinya susah banget untuk tidur karena baru pada ngumpul, and everyone was so excited. Did I mention, there was a total of 34 hikers joining The Expendables Indonesia! Now that's a f*kin lot! 

Katanya bakal banyak banget orang yg datang, dalam rangka 17 Agustus. Wow ... now that's something I didn't know about. Turns out it's been a thing for these nature lover and mountain community to go hiking on Indonesia's Independence Day. *Salute!*

We arrived approximately 6.30 AM at Poncol, and we drove about 3 hours to the homestay. (We managed to get better sleep on the car. though I didn't get much to be honest)

Ok, so let's go skip ahead to when we rode a pickup Truck to the Basecamp of Merbabu. 

Yeap.... took 2 pickup trucks to get us all up... And the second truck ... well let's just say was a bot Overcrowded since we had our carriers on aswell. I don't have any pictures,  but I driving up to the basecamp, kita bisa lihat besar2 Gunung MERAPI! Yes! I have a Love-Hate relationship with Merapi, which I will tell a bit about in later paragraphs.

Ada beberapa hal yang harus saya Share (ya elah, kayak ada yg bakal baca postingan gw ... *eyeroll*. Lagi sok Blogger, pdhal ini hanya Monologue). Camp Rangernya menjelaskan kepada kita akan beberapa peraturan yg mesti ditaati. SOme Do's and Don'ts.

"Ga boleh bawa tisu basah" (Tapi klo disimpen dan dibawa turun gunung, saya rasa ga masalah ya... yakan pak?)

Headlamp! Hmmm... ternyata sangat disarankan untuk membawa Headlamp. "Jangan pake senter HP", kata bapake... 

"Ada yg punya penyakit Asma? Jantung? Alergi?" Meaning: hati2 lho... jaga kesehatan. Ini pendakian yg menguras tenaga. 

"Kalian datang ber-30, saya minta ada sweeper 5 orang". Yes, ini berhubung kami banyak orang sih ... Tapi intinya mesti ada yg jaga, ada yg ahli. Jangan sampai ada yg tertinggal, tersesat dsb ... 

"Saya minta setiap orang bawa 3 liter air!" Duh, perhatian sekali ... Dan ya, pada kenyataanya 3 liter itu kurang, sodara2. Apalagi untuk saya yg bisa ngabisin satu galon air dlm bbrp hari.

Sama bapake, diminta perwakilan "ketua kelompok" yg akan bertanggung jawab itu keselamatan dan paperworks (termasuk KTP dll)

sisanya lupa pokoknya ya itu aja yg perlu diperhatikan. Sisanya ya nanti saya bercerita saja pengalaman2 saya...  

So ... Off we go!

Pake ada sesi foto2 segala yg makan waktu stengah jm sendiri (ya maklum lah, anak kota).

Perjalanan awalnya seru... Jalananya luas dan jalurnya sudah ada, dan ramai sekali! (Super Fun). Dan nampaknya memang sudah menjadi sebuah kebiasaan. Semua orang saling menyapa: "Semangat kakak!", "Permisi", "Duluan ya kak". Sudah ga kehitung deh sepanjang perjalanan saya diberi semangat oleh banyak banget orang hahaha...

Saya sepanjang jalan dicekokin Choki Choki n berbagai macam coklat lainnya. Karena kita butuh Gula! supaya kuat dlm perjalanan. Yes! Chocolate is GOOD for you to stay Alive!

Here's a bit of info on the Shelters you can rest at. Tapi mohon maaf, saya agak lupa persisnya. Karena ga terlalu merhatiin ada berapa POS 

Basecamp - Pos 1 : 1,7 km ; kira2 makan waktu 1.5jam

Pos 1 - Pos 2; 1km ; kira2 makan waktu 1 jam

Pos 2 - Pos 3 ; kira2 2 jam

Pos 3 - Sabana 1

Sabana 1 - Sabana 2 ;

Udah deh, lupa ga ngitung juga (Tapi ntr ada plangnya kok di tiap Pos jarak dan perkiraan waktu tempuh. hehehe ... 

Eniwei ... Di Pos3 lah tempat kita membangun tenda. The initial plan was to Camp at Sabana 1, but a number of us were pretty tired and wanted to build Camp, so yeah .... Kesehatan nomor 1. Jangan memaksakan untuk lanjut jita butuh instirahat.

Sunrise

Well, who could resist a view like this? *love*. Saat malam haripun, kita bisa melihat bulan yg begitu bulaaaat dan Oraaaange! Sayang tidak bisa difoto, karena hasilnya ga sebanding dengan pengelihatan dgn mata sendiri.

Kami yg berencana summit attack subuh jm4am, akhirnya siang juga karena ada beberapa dari kami yg tidak enak badan. It's ok! 

Perjalanan yg melelahkan tapi masih bisa dijalankan lah... Bahkan oleh saya, orang yg tidak rajin olah raga. Yg penting adalah niat! Siapkan Mental! Untuk menuntaskan perjalanan Menuju Puncak! ( gemilang caaa haa yaaa...)

Akhirnya bisa melepas Carrier!! Omaigat, meski carrier saya hanya 5-6 kg, karena tidak terbiasa, serasa berat banget... Sampai2 pada saat istirahat di tengah jalan malas melepas carrier, karena capek bgt mesti ngangkat n pakai lagi (lazy as mofo...)

So... Onto Sabana 1... it's where most of the campers are. The view is Amazing!

Kurang cantik apa, coba *love*. Naik Merbabu, Bonus pemandangan Gn. Merapi... :)

Kalau sudah melihat pemandangan seperti ini, rasanya malas naik, malas turun... ya ga :).

I swear, I think I took a 30minute break just watching the view. Got up for another couple of meters... and everytime I got higher, the view just got prettier and prettier! And as I mentioned earlier... I have a Love-Hate Relationship. Saya asli Muntilan-Magelang (meski lahir dan dibesarkan di Jakarta). Merapi sudah lama menjadi sebuah "gebanggaan". Kayaknya Kereeen bgt. SO Majestic, so Mystical... Tapi pada tahun 2010, Merapi meletus, dan berdampak sangat buruk bagi Muntilan dan sekitarnya. Rumah Almarhum Mbah saya kena dan semua saudara2 saya dievakuasi... 

Yang tadinya merupakan Gunung Kebanggaan... ternyata ya begitu deh .... Toh ga bisa nyalahin Alam :) Still, mengagumkan, Merapi itu.

Menuju Sabana 2, disitulah tempat para Hikers sedang Upacara Bendera. Lapanganya sangat luas, dan sesampainya kami disana sudah bubar hehe...  Dan masih... sepanjang perjalanan kami disuguhi pemandangan bukit2 yg begitu indah *crying...*

Saya lagi bengong, sekalian minta difoto dr belakang

BTW, puncaknya bukan itu ya. Puncaknya 2 butik setelah ini. hehehe.... *hadeuh.....*

Mengagumkan, yes? *love*

Berbeda dengan Kerinci, perjalanan menuju Puncak ini SANGAAAAAT BERDEBU!!! Mau pake Buff, ga bisa nafas.... Ga pake Buff, sama aja susah nafas. Karena Debunya luar biasa deh! Ampuuuun!! 

Hati2, kalau mnuju puncak, muka bakal ITEM! Mulai dari Keringet, Ingus, Pori2, Bibir, EEEEWWWWWWW..... (T_T")

Hati2 dengan kacamata hitam, ntr pasti ninggalin Burn Mark (Daerah mata bakal putih sndiri (true story). Disarankan pakai topi gunung/ topi pancing aja. pokoknya seluruh muka ketutup. Atau pinter2 cari tempat berteduh... Karena wilayah ini kebanyakan padang rumput. Ga banyak pohon.

Sepanjang perjalanan ke Puncak bakal penuh batu dah Debu. Seriously!! Dibilang cape, ga cape tapi yg bikin susah tu memang debunya. sesak nafas, apalagi nanti turunya. (CHUUUUUUYYYYY.....!!!)

Well, here I am!!! At the Top of Merbabu! (Dirgahayu, Mofos!)

Terdapat 3 puncak. Namun hanya 2 yg boleh dinaiki. (Satu lagi ga jauh dr puncak dimana saya berada, tapi yaudahlah ya satu puncak aja cukup, hehehe).

So, apa saja yg saya pelajari dari perjalanan ke puncak Merbabu ini?

Siapin Fisik! Jangan remehkan fisik! Dalam hal ini ga cuma stamina dan kekuatan untuk nanjak... Tapi kesehatan badan. Minumlah. Makanlah yg cukup. Jangan dipaksa kalau kecapean, istirahatlah.

Siapin Mental! Ya, percuma kamu body builder, tapi kalau udah cape bawaan jadi malas. Dan kalian firstimer yg mungkin merasa takut, merasa minder krn fisiknya (semisal ndut2 seperti saya), jangan takut ya. Just put your mind into it. Yg penting kita pantang menyerah (Tapi jangan juga dipaksakan, kalau bener2 ga sanggup).

If you want to get to the top, You Can and You Will! 

Jangan remehkan H2O! Memang berat ya bawa2 3 liter minum ke atas. Bahakan itu saja tidak cukup. Air akan dipakai untuk: Minum dan Masak (kopi, indomie dll). Bring enough water when your going for the Summit Attack. Trust me, you will need it!

Suhu di Merbabu itu Dingin!! Belajar dari pengalaman Kerinci, saya pakai baju lengan panjang 2, ditambah jaket pada saat tidur. Dan kaos kaki extra buat tidur (yg tebal, atau double-in klo perlu). Pada saat nanjak awal2 (Basecamp - Pos2), kita akan banyak berkeringat. Namun Pos 2 - summit kalian bakal kedinginan *Brrrrr....* Apalagi menjelang sore. Saat mulai summit Attack saya masih double2 pakainya... Sampai Sabana 1, mulai buka deh tuh jaket. Terik Chuy!!!!

Bawa Topi!

Sarung Tangan!! Jalanan bakal berdebu bgt dan nanti pas turun bakal agak repot turunya. bakal banyak Slip & Slide. At leaset put on some gloves.

Headlamp is a must! Bener ternyata kata Bapake di basecamp. Pas turun atau naik pada saat masih gelap, jalanan bener2 gelap! Supaya kalian bisa lihat jalurnya kalian ga bakal bisa gerak deh klo ga punya Headlamp.

OK, saatnya turun dari puncak... Dan disinilah!!!!! Di siniiiii laaaaahhhh... Ketahanan Betis dan Lutut kita diuji! Ya ampuuun.... ampun dah ... *tobat*

Gara2 Debu dan pasirnya ya, jadi perjalanan tuh sesak nafas dan muka udah berubah wujud kayak tukang bekel kesemprot abu knalpot. Dan licin bgt! Yes, debu n pasir itu licin bgt lho. Saya Sliding sepanjang puncak menuju Camp (Pos2).

Pulangnya pada saat gelap, sayapun berpegangan dengan orang depan karena headlamp saya kurang terang. (demm... ) dan mereka turun cepat banget! 

Dasar emang dah pada jago2, komunitas kali ya ... Saya tengsin juga klo dikit2 minta berhenti istirahat... Pingin cepat2 sampai BaseCamp juga.

Setelah Ber-monolog ("Are we there yet" 20x) ... akhirnya sampai Basecamp... Langsung hajar Teh Tawar anget n Bakso...

*Nikmat bgt rasanya*

Well, that sums up my trip, I guess. Im gonna leave out the part where we got back to our homestay and took the train back to Jakarta (Senen). It's been a hell of a hike and I loved every minute of it :) I can't wait for what other mountain I will hike after this. Maybe the beginning of next year. I'm aiming for Semeru. And I can't wait! :D

[hyunjizns]

dating jungwoo

⤷ idk why but jungwoo always gives me the softest, innocent vibe and that’s why he’ll forever be my bb

how you started dating

so i wasn’t sure if to make this an idol au or not but i finally settled for idol because i’m going for that “realistic” feel, lol

how you two met? well it was actually predebut when jungwoo used to work at a café 

you know, to get that extra cash because being a trainee isn’t the eaiest thing

and you frequented that café since it was pretty near to where you lived

you often saw jungwoo because you’d come during his shift and he’d always give you a warm smile 

you couldn’t explain but he was just so welcoming and warm-hearted unlike the other other employees so that was definitely fresh

before you learnt his name you had deemed him “the cute worker with the pretty smile”

seriously, every time he handed you your drink, his cute little smile would appear and your heart basically melted everytime

but tbh, anyone would melt at his smile, it’s precious, okay?

and after handing you your drink, he’d never fail to wish you a good day and ahh !!!

anyway, this continued on for a while until you didn’t even have to tell him your order anymore and he’d just have your drink and name there whoosh

he just knew that well

so you were kinda getting tired of this back and forth and wanted to get to know him better

you did the obvious bc you’re a smart person and slipped him your number when you were giving him a tip and walked away smugly

the look on his face was priceless

yes, we’d have a sh00k jungwoo because, wow, you gave him your number ??

now, now jungwoo is a bit shy so it’d take him a bit to actually text you but when he does you’re basically a candy who just got candy

but look, this boy contemplated what he was gonna say for way too long and spent majority of the time fiddling with his phone

you would never have seen someone type and erase as much as he would’ve then

“y/n, right? wanna meet up soon? this is jungwoo btw”

“sure,, any specific time? i’m free this week”

sure you may have sounded cool in your reply but your were actually just dead inside bc jungwoo !! texted !! you !!

when he sees your reply though, he would be relieved and text you the details

the two of you would kinda just drift into texting cute, soft emojis for the rest of the day

jungwoo is a bit.. clueless.. so it probably wouldn’t seem like a big deal to him unlike you who was practically combusting

p.s: it seems you’ve developed a crush on him,, but to be fair who wouldn’t?

anyway, we can fast forward to when you two actually do meet up, it’s a small bistro and everything is pretty casual 

jungwoo is a bit nervous but so are you so that leads to nervous giggles every second but you two manage through

it was a pretty, nice and calming “date” tbh and you guys started to do it more often

um yeah, that basically meant that your crush on jungwoo was getting bigger

i mean, the boy told you so much about himself already and same for you, you learnt he was a trainee, etc, etc and it just felt you got really close to him

but you weren’t sure if he liked you too since he was a bit odd with his actions

tbh i don’t think he was even planning to tell you because he was sure that it was you who didn’t like him

let’s all give a huge round of applause to his boss lol get it boss? no? okay bye sorry who told you that he knew jungwoo definitely liked you too

sorry, but basically everyone in the cafe knew about you two

and with a little courage from your friends, you found it in yourself to confess

better take no for an answer than never know, right?

so one day you called jungwoo outside and told him that you needed to talk to him and yes that kid was nervous

“I.. I kind of really like you.”

He’d be so shocked that he wouldn’t reply which would make you s c a r e d but then he gets all excited and relieved

“I kind of really like you too!” he was a bit too enthusiastic

and the rest is history 

i made this too long, oops

jungwoo as a boyfriend

we all know that jungwoo is some kind of precious human being that needs to be protected at all costs

yes

well, you’re that human being to him now

idk but we all know how he’s always smiling, well people would be starting to wonder how his cheeks aren’t hurting at how much he smiles when he’s around you

he always looks at you with so much affection in his eyes, it’s unreal

it’s that “ get you a man who looks at you the way *insert* looks at *insert*” meme

so your relationship is basically two angels protecting each other

talking about soft, idk man but this would be one of the purest, softest things for anyone to watch, your interactions would be down right precious

oh gosh, i’m already squealing, jungwoo, i see him legit defining boyfriend goals

like he would spoil the shit out of you and give you whatever you wanted, even if you didn’t ask for it

you’d be telling him it wasn’t necessary but he wouldn’t listen to you

i feel like he’d use that as a way to express himself since physical expression wouldn’t be something that he’s best at

oh yes and taking it slow and making sure you’re comfortable is one of his biggest concerns too

he absolutely doesn’t wanna rush you to do anything that you don’t wanna

as for pda, i don’t think jungwoo would go too far

he seems like the kind of person, no matter how long you’ve been together, to just enjoy soft hand-holding

yeah, your fingers are always intertwined, it’s basically the signature thing in your relationship now

even when you two are alone,he still isn’t the b i g g e s t displayer of affection

you can expect a shit ton of hugs from this one too, and no, i don’t mean those short, seemingly meaningless ones

i’m talking jungwoo style kms with full on embracing, neck snuggling and even some butterfly neck/face kisses on the occasion

his arms would be so tight yet gentle around you

i’m telling you !! this boy treats you as if you were made of legitimate porcelain

as for kisses, i feel like he’s too shy to out right kiss you, especially at the beginning of the relationship so your gonna have to ask or initiate

after he’s more comfortable though, kisses may still be shy but he isn’t afraid to do it himself

his displays of affection are actually the sweetest, like he has the gentlest hands, and does the cutest things, you’d swear he just stepped out of a romance novel

he has actually made a scrap book with all of your couple pics for you

i’m wrecking my bias list help

he’s a cuddler 100% so you can expect a lot of that from him

especially due to the fact that he’d prefer simple dates or those ones where you can just stay at home

you can seriously expect to lie in bed and just be happy with the other’s presence.

but it’s not like that everyday kind of cuddling, he’d prefer that once in a while, significant cuddle session

plus i can see him being really talkative, i don’t think he’d wanna cuddle in silence and most conversation topics would be pretty deep

maybe about your guys’ future since he doesn’t plan to break up soon or ever at that

his favourite position is you beside him with his arm around you so that he could look at your face and every little detail on it

don’t be surprised if you suddenly feel his hand under your shirt !! he just does that innocently 

he’s the boy that’d space out while looking at you because he actually can’t get over your beauty

“ how did i get so lucky ? “

he’d think that all the time

sometimes his hand is already going to brush a strand of your hair from your face before he even notices what he’s doing

yeah, it’s something that he does pretty often too

jungwoo also really cares about the little things, just enjoying small talk

like everyday you can expect him to ask how your day was and if you were okay

on that occasion that you were pissed, he’d freak because he wouldn’t be sure what to do but jungwoo being the good listener that he is, i feel like he’d just let you vent

he’d let you vent all you want while rubbing your back, not saying anything

after, he’d probably offer to make your favourite food/drink or suggest you two do something that he knew you’d enjoy

or maybe sing you one of your favourite songs since he knows that you love his voice ahh

also

okay so y’all remember that iconic vlive when doyoung was asking jungwoo what he wanted for his birthday and yea h sbksks

jungwoo would be cheeky like that pretty often when he wants something

he’s like a puppy that really just needs your love sometimes so 

this boy isn’t showing the signs correctly and you’re like “what do you want babe?”

“i um..” cue stuttering and cute giggles !!

rip you bc you just look at him like ???

“i want your love” he’d smile and tap his cheek

and you’re just like ofc you do and kiss his cheek and that’d make him 12x more giddy oho

jungwoo adores you i swear. every wallpaper on his phone is a photo of both of you

omg my heart is bursting with love for this boy

and like there was that one day when nosy yukhei took up jungwoo’s phone and was sh00k at the number of couple photos, oh dear

that would be teasing material for the other boys to use against him but y’know, jungwoo doesn’t really mind

he wouldn’t be fazed, he’just give them one of those smiles because he’s actually hella proud of those pics

but don’t ask him how things are going because he can’t really reply, he’ll kinda just scratch the back of his neck and again, s m i l e

because he wouldn’t be sure how to explain one of the best things in his life

he isn’t a master of words, y’know!

that’s why short and sweet gestures + compliments are his thing

this was also lowkey a secret relationship and you would always remember the look in his eyes after his first debut stage

you honestly felt so happy for him because you knew he deserved it 

he cried that night and it was just one of the softest things you had ever experienced, like you could tell he didn’t wanna cry but the tears still came

you patted his head as he cried into your shoulder tears of complete happiness

and when you whispered how proud you were of him, that set off more waterworks 

that just proved to you that he isn’t afraid to show his emotion when he’s around you

BuT when it came to super important things like the first “i love you” he was a nervous wreck because he wasn’t sure how you’d respond

but then he’d realise you love him just as much as he loved you so he had nothing to worry about

all in all, you guys would live that innocent relationship and every moment you spent with jungwoo would be deeply cherished

[lejendarydreams]

The Muse - Episode Five - Under the Night Sky

Two decades ago, Rahyndra and Rakan were found running away from the people... who were going to burn them upon cursing the land with the dark plague. Rahyndra was pregnant then, of Rakan's child.

The people finally reached them. Rakan decided to do what he can to stop them while Rahyndra ran, struggling with the child that was about to come out. Rakan summoned gluttons to attack the people, but soon enough he was caught by unknown people.

Rahydra was aching in pain. She lied on a treebranch and took out her child. Then she cut the umbillical cord, then she cut its wings. A bard chased by gluttons passed by and saw them. He asked for help. Rahydra then gave the child to the bard and the gluttons stopped going after him. After that, Rahyndra flew and left.

The bard took care of the child and raised it on the streets. After many years, this child became whom we have known as the Muse.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

On Riantheliss' first night of staying at UG's, she had a disturbing dream. The moments when she sang about the prophecy at the sanctuary flashed before her eyes. She saw the faceless theurgists. She slit her wrist and bled. But the blood never ran out. It flooded the sanctuary and everybody drowned.

She woke up from the dream. She washed her face and looked at her reflection on the mirror. She went down on the underground. She saw the news on the hologram. The news said, the theurgists were mourning upon the disappearance of the muse. Fans all over Saikan expressed sadness on media. They all assumed she was dead because her SRAM is inactive. The only time SRAM becomes inactive is if it doesn't detect the pulse. Meanwhile, her servants in the Royal Cruise were being punished to executiin as conspiracies spread that she was kidnapped and killed.

Riantheliss felt the urge to make known that she is alive and that she escaped intentionally to save those wrongly accused. She went to the biolab to find tools for SRAM. She found a surgery knife. She slit the newly stitched wrist again and put the Muse's SRAM back. But once her SRAM goes active again, the theurgists will detect her location right away and raid the undergrounders. So she tried to go outside. Meanwhile, Clio was awake and working at the computer laboratory. He was alerted through the camera footage that Riantheliss sneaked in to the biolab and was bleeding. He hurriedly went to see the situation. Then he saw the bleeding muse.

"I need help." Said Riantheliss.

"What are you doing?" Clio asked.

"I put the SRAM back." She said.

"No! Your wrists just got stitched! You're losing blood!" Clio panicked as well.

Clio's SRAM rang. It flashed a holo of Ehren.

"Clio, what's the situation? The Muse's SRAM went active. The theurgists will come in just a matter of hours." Ehren asked.

"I'm at the biolab with her. What should I do? We can't just remove it again." Clio answered.

"We need to create diversion ASAP. She needs to keep her SRAM and make an official statement." Ehren said.

"But -- it's a bad risk. She's losing blood!" Clio said. He could not keep calm while seeing a lot of blood from Riantheliss.

"She'll be fine. Ready your equipment and go to KM#05. There's an open field there that will take a longer time for them to reach. You have atleast four hours to fix this." Ehren commanded. The hologram flashed off.

"Darn it! How should I stitch that again and remove it again later and stitch it again?" Clio complained.

"I'm sorry for the inconvenience. But I'll be fine. Just bandage it." Riantheliss said. They bandaged it and went at the top of the building where the airux was waiting. Airux is an air vehicle driven automatically by itself. They rode it and went to KM#05. An hour has passed and they arrived at the town.

KM#05 is the town of farmers and marketplace trade. It has the least population among the cities of Saikan. Clio and Riantheliss went down at the marketplace. It was dark and only them were on the street. They walked from there to an openfield near the shore.

They settled under the starry black sky, on a grassy open field of KM#05. They setup for the live broadcast of The Muse.

"I have a favor." The muse said.

"I want to have one last performance for the public. Release it for everyone to see." She begged.

"I got you, Ri." Clio confidently answered.

So she prepared her ERHI and wore the Muse's holo-suit for the performance. It was as if she never disguised herself. She's back to the beautiful glorious avant-garde singer.

"To my people,

Know that I am here and breathing

Know that where I am is the path that I have chosen

I beg forgiveness to those who were put in danger because of my sudden disappearance.

Forgive me.

Right now, I am here.

And will no longer be visible always.

There is a purpose that I have yet to discover.

Pray that I be guided in uncertainties.

And I'll pray that you seek your way to your light."

The performance began. It was the first performance of the Muse happening right infront of Clio's eyes. He was amused to the bone. It was being streamed all over Saikan. She sang:

"Under the black starry sky,

We lie thinking about the future

We never knew, we never knew

The past was only but a suffering

And world was never fair

We are spinning cycles and cycles

Of breaking and healing

Hold on, though we

don't know the way

Hold on, it will be okay

I will save you

Atleast let me try

I will save you

Until then, don't cry"

The stream ended. Clio's emotions were at height. He applauded. Riantheliss was teary.

"How was it?" She asked.

"Glorious." He said, starstruck.

"This moment marked history... the final farewell to my old life, and the grand welcoming of something new... right here, I leave my destiny under the sky." She turned her holo-suit off and returned to the new her, Riantheliss, the real and the brave her. She removed the bandage and the SRAM as well. Clio assisted on putting the new SRAM and stitched it with an advanced laser equipment.

"Thank you, Clio." Riantheliss said as she smiled. Clio felt awkward and laughed.

"You owe me, then." Clio said goofly.

"We still have time. Let's visit the shore!" She invited.

And they went to the shore. The waves were raging. They heard a strange sound. Clio looked around and saw a sea creature, huge and mystical.

"It's the seven headed serpent! I've never seen one before, too. I didn't know it was real. However, it may not appear before us again." Riantheliss said.

"I wonder why it's here... maybe because you sang a great song." Clio said.

"Perhaps." She also wondered.

"Perhaps I'm going to find my purpose. Like how the moon was placed in the night to bring light upon the dark world." She added.

"Your voice resonates like thunder. When you sing, the world would stop to listen. I did. I swear I did everytime. Perhaps your purpose, you're already at it, and you just don't notice it because you were looking at something more grand." Clio said. Riantheliss was a little offended.

She walked away. Clio followed.

"Hey, I didn't mean anything bad. I'm sorry!"

Clio's SRAM alerted. Theurgists were detected and were coming their way. They have to escape.

"We have to go. They're here... run!" Clio alerted.

And they ran until they reach the streets. A theurgist in full armor spotted them. They were chased. They ran and ran until they ran out of breath. Clio has weak lungs so he was terribly palpitating and losing breath. They stopped and hid at an inn. They walked inside and asked the landlady to become their ally. The landlady agreed at a price. It was a fast transaction.

Clio and Ri went in their room and were finally able to breathe a little more freely. As Clio struggles to catch his breath, Ri was on lookout. Some theurgists just entered the inn. It seems they were raiding each room. Riantheliss pulled Clio inside the cabinet and covered his mouth.

"Be quiet, just bare it a little more." She whispered.

Clio was terribly palpitating. He was sweating cold. Riantheliss could feel his tension as they were millimeters close to each other. The door of the room opened. Clio closed his eyes and tried not to breathe. Riantheliss held him so he would calm down.

They waited until the theurgists were fully gone from the inn.

Finally, they went out of the closet.

"Wooh! That was... that was the most thrilling moment of my life! Ughh my head is aching I need some break!" Clio jokingly uttered. Riantheliss hurriedly went to get some water. She gave it to Clio.

"Here. Are you okay? I didn't know someone could be that nervous". Ri said. Clio drank the water.

"Yeah. Weren't you nervous? That was insane... all the running and hiding was... intense! Okay, I'll calm down now. Thanks by the way." Clio pretentiously tries to calm down.

"No, thank you. I owe you big. For everything you did. Thank you, Clio." She said. Clio smiled big time.

"... Well, if you're thankful then... how about sing a song for me?" Clio joked.

"Pleasure!" She said. They lie on the bed. Clio listened. He fell asleep.

The next day, Ri woke up in the UG headquarters. Britta was in her sight.

"Welcome back." Britta smiled.

"How did I get here?" Ri was amused.

"While you were sleeping, we transfered you back here, sa carefully that you didn't notice. Joke. We injected something." Britta laughed.

"Clio... where is he?" Ri asked.

"He's fine. But he shouldn't be bothered. Let's go!" Britta invites her out.

"Where to?" Ri asked.

"Off to the grand welcoming." Britta said.

They went out to the lobby. All the recruits are there to celebrate. They met Trajua and the rest of recruits from Xi Tribe, mostly those who helped her up the hole.

"Trajua!" Ri was delighted to see them.

"UG uniform looks good on you." Trajua said.

"I thought they were eliminated." She told Britta.

"No. There was no elimination. It was just a scare off for the recruits... So we could bring out the beast in people." Britta answered.

"It was a good game, Lady Riantheliss." Trajua claimed. Ri smiled.

"Tomorrow, after this party, we will be going back to protect our tribe. And we're bringing some armed dudes along." Trajua told Riantheliss.

"That's great!" Ri exclaimed.

"As I was told, during the game, we have won the commander's favor because of what we did. He said we have won, too. Thank you, Riantheliss." Trajua continued.

"We're in this together. I promise you that I will come to help you when you need me." Ri promised.

"Help the people of Saikan. That's enough." Trajua said. Then they continued chatting with the others.

At the center, the youthful commander, Ehren, made his welcoming speech.

"Gluttons. When we hear about them we start to feel hate, we start to feel pity. For a long time, we have forgotten that they were once like us, and we could be like them. The truth is, you don't need the dark plague to be a glutton.

In my entire life working and building UG, as I encounter more of the plague, I realized, that the illness was more of the state of the heart and mind. And there's this one particle of a substance that swimmed through the bloody veins and triggered a human's inner darkness. Could it be just a glutton for food and flesh? Or could it be glutton for riches, for achievements, for praises? Glutton about chances we do not like to share with others? What do we devour instead? Are we, humans, worse than those who were infected by the dark plague? My people, we live in the underground, hidden from everyone's sight while the rich and powerful roam around freely as if they were the ones protecting us. On the contrary, hundreds of lower ranks were sent to the dam to work on the infected waters. They are our people, sacrificing their lives for the favored and blessed. The poor, the weak, our beloved people, are deprived of future! There are worse gluttons than the actual gluttons devouring flesh. MARU was infected of a much worse plague that happened to humanity. And we will stop them! We are not gluttons, we are not sacrificial lambs, we are not hopeless, we deserve a better future! We, the UGs, will stop them! That is your one true job as the member of UG, now, get ready to work!" Ehren have spoken. The people shouted and applauded.

After the speech, Ehren came down from the stage and congratulated the new recruits. He approached Riantheliss.

"What a trouble." Ehren said in sarcasm, yet kindly smiling.

"I apologize. The people I know were in danger. I couldn't think straight." She explained.

"Think for a moment, before any doing. That's your lesson to learn. Be careful." Ehren advised.

"I will. I really apologize. The people back in the Royal Cruise, they were the consequences of my irresponsibility. I should have known better." She sadly told him.

"But you addressed it bravely. I must congratulate you from the first trial." Ehren said.

"Trial? It coordinated it?" She freaked out.

"Quite like it. Except the news part, it was real. It doesn't matter. The result was good." Ehren said and left.

She realized that the incident was organized and the Theurgists did not really chase them. Those theurgists were actually members of UG in disguise, she realized. Despite that, what remained true was she cleared misunderstandings and speculations on her disappearance, and saved the people in danger through her broadcast. After thinking for a moment, she started to look for Clio to confront him. But she did not see him at the party.

NEXT EPISODE SOON! KEEP UPDATED!

[momo-de-avis]

From a very early age, I was interested in languages and books. I sort of had a natural inclination to it. My mom fed it, of course. At the age of six, I had this book I loved that was one of those kiddy books that taught you german. I always had it with me, and by that age I knew how to say all the colours, how to count to twenty-nine (cause I kept forgetting how to say thirty) and a lot of the animals. I wasn't super smart, I was just interested enough that I allowed myself to learn as much as I could while my mom fed it.

So of course, by the time I was 5 I knew how to read. Not just put the letters together to create a word, but what the words meant (kiddy books, naturally). No one really taught me, except those times when someone sat with me teaching me how to write my name. I was just super hungry for understanding things around me. Back in the 90s, the Cartoon Network we got in Portugal was american (and briefly english, and then american again) with no dubbings or subtitles. I learned eanglish super early by binge watching powerpuff girls, Dexter's laboratory, Edd, Ed & Eddy, cow and chicken and overall hanna barbera. I wasn't smarter than everyone else. I just wanted to learn. I was always an average student, still am. I just exceeded in this stuff I loved doing because I really loved learning about it.

My boyfriend has a niece and a nephew, and they're some of the smartest, most well educated kids I've had the chance of meeting. Their mother has taught tem to explore their identity, to nurture their creativity and to reward and experience kindness. She lets them explore all their interests and says it's important that they experiment while they can, which is one of the most validating things you can say to a child. On the other hand, my nephew is spoiled with little regard for others. He gets a shit ton of gifts every year, expensive gifts that he doesn't cherish. If he loses or breaks something, his parents merely scold him for five minutes and then a few weeks later buy him a new thing. He's five and has already had three tablets (his own, not like mom's or dad's that he can use) and four watches. Those four watches, one he lost, the other was a gift from someone outside of the nuclear family, the other was a smart watch for kids (that records and takes pictures) and the latest, gifted this Christmas, was Ferrari watch he was allowed to play with freely (going as far as sticking it in his food and all his parents did was yell at him to not do that).

But you see, my brother is an overachiever. He is a business student, so take that as you will. When the kid was four, he got him into kart racing. According to him (and from what I see) the kid loves it, but at five he already wants the kid to be a pro racer and get into competitions. He proudly announced he is already racing 7 year old karts despite being five (karts that go over 70 km/h). He fed the kid a million shit toys about maths and numbers. Ever since he was born, he has given him little toy cars, yes, even collectible items that those old men keep on a glass stand and polish every month.

And yesterday, he announced: he can read and write.

I told him: no, he can't.

Partly, I meant that he can't because he's five, and he's not supposed to even care about it. Of course, there are words here and there he gets, and he copies his own name and other people's name, but not much different from what I did at his age. But I also meant he doesn't know how to read and write, because I know my nephew and he doesn't. He has incredible photographic short term memory. He can memorize anything by just glancing at it once, which in itself is an incredible talent alone, but one his parents don't care about. I realized that was how he 'learned' how to read and write, because if I mix one letter of his name, he won't notice, and if I mix them all he can't say what's the word supposed to be. If you ask him to write each letter of the alphabet, without visual reference, he can't do it either. But if you show him rhe letters and ask which letters are those, he will say it.

Then again: he's fucking five. It doesn't matter, he should be learning that fully at school. It doesn't mean he shouldn't attempt to learn on his own, if he wants to - which is exactly what my mom did with me. She never taught me how to read, but let me teach myself how to understand. Sometimes, she would sit with me and tell me that those letters put together meant 'apple' and that sort of shit. Even that, if you ask me, is too much,but innocent enough if you deal with it accordingly. But the thing is this is not what my brother and my sister-in-law are doing. (Of course, there are kids who can develop that at an early age, but trust me, no one in my family was that type of kid.)

There's a story on why I insist on this, one I never really gave much relevance to. It was just something that happened to me that I could see as a red flag for this sort of shit, although until today I never really understood the implications of it.

You see, I didn't feel smart, like at all. I just really loved colours and letters, which was what I saw in these books. But when I was five and in kindergarten, my mom told my teacher I knew how to read. Mind you, this was kindergarden. All we did was draw shit, play princes and dragons and sit around while our teacher read us stories. We weren't even allowed to use forks and knives, we were all forced to eat with a spoon, even the kids who knew how to use a fork and a knife (because we were all five year olds eager to destroy shit around us and with a very blurred definition of danger). But after my mom said that to my teacher (who, by all accounts, was a nice lady) she did something I resented my whole life and I never really understood why.

She picked me up in front of every single kid in my class, sat me on her lap, opened a book and said "Ana knows how to read, so today she is going to be the one who reads for us"

And guess what, I didn't say a word.

The moment I told my therapist this, she frowned and said "that's horrible!" I agreed, but still didn't know why. She asked me what did I do, and I said I stood there quiet, refusing to read. I remember vividly the book, it was a book about Snow White. I remember so well not wanting to read that I just know what I did was out of spite. And I said I didn't really know why this was horrible for me, but it was. So my therapist put me through those mind-travelling moments that begin with "let's go back to that day" and made me realize what it was. For a five year old who didn't even feel like she was learning, just having fun, I felt exposed. And by being exposed as "the best at reading among a class of kids who can't even conceive why a person isn't green", I felt terrified of making mistakes.

My then teacher brushed it off as "she's shy", and for the next 10 years, everytime I froze in a situation like this, I was "just being shy". Being shy was the excuse for everything in the 90s, apparently (spoiler alert, I wasn't shy so much as I was I severely anxious and terrified of failure thanks to a domino-effect of stuff like this).

I told my therapist I insisted, as I actually had done on other occasions before, that my nephew didn't know how to read because this is what pretending your child is a genius leads to: a terrible pressure on being the best.

To make matters worst, I went to the same private school my brother did, and he was one of the best students of his year. Me, I was average. My brother excelled at math and sucked at literature, was average at languages. Me, I sucked at math, excelled at literature and languages - but that difference right there labelled me my whole life as "below her brother". My brother was exceptionally good, but me, I was unfortunately less. They tried coming up with lame excused, always disguised as "she needs to try harder": she doesn't pay attention in class, she doesn't try hard enough, she has potential but is lazy. Fast forward twenty years and it turns out it was not only a case of dyscaculia but a shit ton of psychological problems that at least once put me on the brink of anorexia, but I guess until you fucking die, it's just being lazy.

Now here's the kicker: my nephew will be attending the same private school my brother and I attended next year. You think they have forgotten us? They haven't (well, not my brother, anyway). My teachers and my brother's teachers are still teaching at that school.

So this kid is gonna grow up in a closed environment of rich people as the son of one of the greatest students of his class. And trust me, it isn't an isolated incident. I remember one of my friends being one of the best students of her year, and her sisters had a shit ton of pressure on them. The middle one in particular was even the troublemaker, simply because she wasn't as good. That's what happens when you grow up in a closed environment of a private school that functions like a private housing area of rich kids where several generations attend it, and I saw it happen more than once (if I am not living proof of it).

Anyone who meets my nephew immediately perceives he has problems. Several people have made that clear to me (without me even saying a word about it). Part of that is due to the fact that he is ridiculously spoiled (in a way neither me nor my brother were) and doesn't have a clear concept of basic stuff like personal limit (if he sees a cellphone, he will grab it and try to unlock it, despite not being his, and despite being told it's not his so he shouldn't do it), respect (he insults his mother, like calling her a liar) or the importance (or lack of) material things (he got a fucking Ferrari watch and was allowed to play with it like it was a toy, for Christ's sake). He constantly touches and uses things that aren't his and if you try to tell him he shouldn't without permission from the owner, he either throws a tantrum or try to steal it from you. If he does something he shouldn't, even if it's dangerous, like attempting to push the television off its stand (it's happened) or turn on the stove, no matter how severely you act, he will laugh and act as if it's nothing more than a challenge, and sometimes he will even look you in the eye and laugh as he does it again (the only thing that stops him is my brother spanking him, which goes without saying is terrible). He often grabs my sister-in-law's cellphone, or my mother's, and goes on youtube or online, or even text and send messages (more than once he has sent me pictures of himself through my mom's phone without her knowing) and neither of them will stop him, merely scold him briefly (they won't even take it away from him, they will just turn the app off and tell him he shouldn't use it and you can see the kid doesn't understand why, so he does it again). He keeps losing stuff but doesn't even feel remorse because they just buy him another one.

Now top it all with daddy and mommy always saying "he's really smart for his age, he is above average" when literally every single person that has met him says he has a learning delay caused by his parents (he's five and he still speaks like a two year old. Actually, I spoke fully perfect portuguese at two, and so did my mother).

So when my brother looks me in the eye and says, fully certain of himself, that he can read and write, when I say "no, he doesn't" I am trying to avoid the trauma of being put on a pedestal because you're expected to be that which your parents want you to be. I am trying to avoid the kid going through a bunch of situations like that day when I was five and I froze because the teacher put a fucking five year old on the spot without so much as asking me. Because this kid is growing up to be a rich, spoiled little monster with no empathy and no regard for nothing except himself, and the least I can try to do, since all else failed, is to try to warn my brother about the horrible consequences of doing to him what he did to me.

But of course, he doesn't give a shit. After all, his son is a genius.

Sorry for the long post, I'm on mobile and can't put a read more thing.

[episodes-of-obsession]

Hey guys!!! I'm just here to vent my frusTRATION about something that's happened in my country. Again.

So, apparently on the death of a 75 year old patient who presented to the Emergency at midnight but the treatment administered was not successful and the patient passed away in the morning. Now, first of all I'm not sure what actually was the condition of the patient and what his diagnosis was or what treatment was given. I can't know any if that without the case records which I admit is a bit difficult to get my hands on 'cause this happened like 2000 kms away from me. But, whatever it was, it does not in anyway justify what happened later.

Which is this. Enraged by the death of the patient the patient's relatives gathered a fricking army of people (reportedly around 150-200 people) and attacked the doctors in the hospital. Can you fucking imagine what was going on in their god damn brains??? This incident has resulted in injuries to several doctors and one of them has landed up in the ICU with Head Injury (reported to be Intracranial Hemorrhage with a skull fracture). And still is in a critical condition. Let me add here that all this happened in the presence of the police officers who apparently just looked on while the doctors were being thrashed. (Again I don't know what actually happened a 100% and I really really hope that this wasn't the case. But knowing what I know, it's probably not far off)

Now, as a doctor myself, what I want to do is send every single one of those psychopaths to jail for some quality time. Can you guys imagine how fucking terrifying this situation is????

And you know a sadder thing??? After the incident, the fellow doctors have gathered together in a protest. And in all the new reports that I've read regarding the incident, it's been stated that the government officials are trying to get the doctors back to their duties because it's inconveniencing the other patients. Without a single statement on solving the situation for the doctors. For giving them a better security.

What about the doctor that's fighting for his life even as I'm typing this???? What about the rest of us who feel fucking terrified every time they have to deliver a bad news to the attenders of the patients we treat??? We are humans too!!!! And we did not get through med schools by taking classes in self defence. We got through it by losing our sleep studying, by sacrificing the time we could've spent with our families, by going through some serious highs and lows during those 5 years. We are the nerds and geeks of our groups (mostly). Not all of us have the confidence of facing a group of people knowing they can defend themselves. And how fucked up is it that we even have to think like that?????? That everytime I go out to break some bad news to the attenders the thoughts that fill my head are 'I'll be able to come back from this without getting hurt,right? RIGHT?'

[elevenhoursinfront-blog]

12th June 2017

By 0600, I got up. I couldn't lay in that bed any longer. I got dressed and went outside. Steve was awake too but he stayed in bed. It was freezing outside but I wanted Julie-Ann to see we was awake so I could have a cup of tea. I walked along the balcony/decking area and looked over the lake. A noise made me jump and I turned around. Turns out, I scared the kangaroos and they scared me! Three of them were within 2 metres of me and just stared. I walked towards them and said hi. They just sat there. I quickly and quietly walked back to the room and told Steve to wake up. I grabbed my GoPro and we went over to them. Only one wasn't too scared to stay near us. The jumped off and we went for a walk around the house. There were Kangaroos everywhere. It was amazing.

There were cockatoos in the trees making the funniest of noises, making me laugh everytime they chirped. The kangroos were hopping round us. It was like a dream. I can imagine in the summer it would look beautiful with all the flowers and trees booming. The house is called Banksia B&B because of the banksia's surrounding. Julie-Ann said she provides flowers for the local florists because she gets so many.

By 0800, Steve was frozen. We jumped back into bed to try and warm up. I heard Bouncer barking away so I thought Julie-Ann was awake. Bouncer sleeps outside and he often barks at the kangaroos. Steve and I were still the only ones awake. We went back outside at 0830 where Julie-Ann finally was up and ready, she invited us in for tea and coffee.

We had two slices of toast and I had tea, Steve had coffee. She had cereal in the tiny boxes you used to have as a child, too. We felt too rude to ask for more. We sat in the front room watching Australia's version of This Morning. I miss Holly and Phil though, they are brilliant. Steve was talking to Oscar the cockatoo for a while as he was lonely. The second Steve would walk away, he would start screaming. He was so loud! He said morning to us and 'would you like a coffee?'. Steve would love a parrot if he could have one.

Eventually, the other 4 woke up. It was about 0930. Steve and I went to shower as they were eating. Steve got in first and washed and I got in second. As I was shampooing, the water went freezing. I've never felt cold water like it. Steve reckons Julie-Ann put the dishwasher on. I had to wash the shampoo out in what felt like ice on my head. It was awful. The worst part was, my towel was still soaking from the jacuzzi the night before. The house was too cold to dry it off. I almost cried (again, obviously) it was that cold. I got dressed and ready as quickly as possible.

Steve was outside speaking with Julie-Ann for ages. I went outside and she was feeding the birds. The birds were bright red, almost tropical. She said they get so many different wildlife animals here. Julie-Ann takes photos and puts it into an album when she sees something different. She gets different plantation, flowers and toadstools too. She let us flick through the album which was great. The red deer look amazing. I wasn't all that fussed abut the Emu's though because they scare me. The Kangaroos came over and scared the birds off. They then started to have a fit over the bird seeds. It was comical to watch. Bouncer used to chase the Emu’s but one time, they turned around and chased him. They rolled him over, so now he’s scared of them. Lesson learnt! 

She said she would take us for a walk around the forest if we wanted, which we said yes too. We were all waiting for Dan to get ready, as we do every time we go anywhere with him. He was laying on the bed for ages before getting showered. He wasn't ready until 1130 which was slightly annoying but never mind. He got a really hot shower too. Boo.

We all left and walked around with Julie-Ann and Bouncer. He was 12 years old but I can see how he got his name - he jumps and runs everywhere. He's so full of energy. Julie-Ann said that fires happen so often here, which we all knew about Australia anyway. Three years ago, a massive bush fire spread and she almost lost the house. Gum trees were falling (they're absolutely MASSIVE trees). The firemen took all the local residents into a hall and one by one they went out in the trucks to see whether they had a house or not. Julie-Ann and Rob lost their shed but not their house thankfully.

We came across loads of kangaroos, emus and toadstools. The toadstools were absolutely massive, bigger than 5 human heads! It started to rain but we carried on walking. We went to one of the fallen Gum trees. I couldn't believe how big it actually was. We stood inside of one that got half burnt but didn't fall. You cant touch the tree even when your arms are out wide.

She took us back and our feet were soaking wet. I changed my socks and put on my slides (slipper sandles) and put my trainers into the front of the car to dry. We all packed our stuff, said our goodbyes and left around 1230.

We went to Mackenzie Falls as we decided not to do it yesterday. Unfortunately, the weather was rubbish today but we still wanted to see it. We got to the carpark after a 30 minute drive as we were following Jack and he took a wrong turn. The falls were down the bottom of a steep hill/stairs. Going down was easy but coming back up was going to be hard, again. My poor legs!

We couldn't see much outwards due to the fog but we were up high. Hopefully, it was going to be better the lower we went. We climbed to the bottom and the waterfall was beautiful. It was cold, cloudy and rainy so it wasn't appreciated as much as it probably could've been. We all took our photos and decided to leave. My legs were in pieces going back up. After all the strenuous climbing yesterday, with no sleep and no food, I wanted the world to swallow me up.

With Steve's help pushing and pulling me, we got to the top. I managed to stay in the lead for the majority of it too which was good. Megan and Dan struggled and they were last up. We were all very tired and sweaty.

That was the last climb, hopefully ever. We went on to drive down towards Halls Gap where the shops were. Everyone wanted to go to the Chip shop but I said nothing would be open being as it's Bank Holiday Monday... Steve said they would be because they'd make loads of money.

Steve started to drive and took a detour to the 'Borocay' lookout which is something we all wanted to see. As we were passing, he took the opportunity. Unfortunately, it was too foggy to see anything at all. He also took us down a dirt track into the middle of nowhere. We decided to turn around after 15 minutes of driving. There was a sign saying that we would hear gunshots due to pest control. We didn't want to get hit so we left. We were worried about turning round incase the car got stuck in the mud/sand but both cars managed it. We were in Toyota Stylers, so we named our car Susie Styler. She did us good. Ours was white and Mel's was red. The carhire called them Stylers but I actually think they're Corolla Ascent's but never mind.

When we eventually got to the bottom, the chip shop was shut. JUST LIKE I SAID! But, I'm not one to boast... We went into the little newsagents and ordered food. The newsagents is ran by fairly old people which is nice because they're probably very bored otherwise. The service was really slow though. It was one man and one woman, but we never see the woman do anything. The man would take one persons order and make the coffee, then the toastie and onto the next person. You would wait a good 15 minutes for your drink and a further 15 for a toastie. We weren't in a rush which was okay. We wanted to order foods like jacket potatoes but everything had sold out apart from toasties. Megan and Mel are vegetarians so the man had to make new sandwiches from scratch as he only had ham and cheese left. We were there for quite some time.

We left after having a toastie and went to see if we could do Mount William before leaving for home. It was about 1500. Apparently, we could drive to the top of the moutain for the lookout point rather than climb. It was right at the bottom of the Grampians park so about a half an hour drive away in the opposite direction from Halls Gap. Steve was driving and I was reading the map...

We got there eventually and the car was climbing uphill for ages. It was so circular too. The visability and rain was getting worse so we decided to abort this mission (when we could). There wasn't anywhere to stop for at least 15 minutes. We pulled over, told Mel it was pointless and headed back down the mountain. Time to go home.

I was driving us home so Steve and I swapped over and on the road we went. Home would take us just over 3 hours which didn't seem all that bad until midway through. The motorway got dark so quickly, and again, there weren't any lights. They work in KM instead of MPH here too. Psychologically, when you're going 100kmph, it feels like you're going stupidly fast when in reality, its about 60mph.

We got about half way through when a lorry decided to be an idiot and get the hump with me for no reason. I was continuously in the slow lane following Jack. I was going 100 and the speed limit was 110. He got within 1 metre of our car 3 times before holding his horn down at me. I'm not sure what he expected me to do - I was going as fast as I could, I wasn't going to break the speed limit, I was in the slow lane... He tried to overtake me about 3 times but couldn't get in front of another car that was doing the speed limit too. He was being a right arse! (sorry Dad). He made me so nervous. He eventually overtook us by going stupidly faster than the limit and overtook Jack, too. We ended up overtaking him a while down as we were going through a town. The speed limit dropped to 60kmph and he got stuck at the traffic lights. I was so happy because a lorry of that size should not be within 1 metre of my back window on a motorway at 100kmph. Idiot!

We carried on the motorway when the lorry ended up behind my window again after about half an hour. He must've been going so fast to catch us up... He did the same again and overtook us. I was getting so stressed mainly because there were 3 other people in the car in my care... It was pitch black and when he got close, his headlights were in my rear window. I wish I could report him!

Eventually, I pulled over in the 'services’. We tried to find a proper one for miles but nothing was there. SES (state emergency services) had a tent in a lay-by with free tea, coffee and biscuits for motorists which was great. We went for a wee in a brick 'house' that was FULL of spiders. I didn't tell Meg otherwise she wouldn't have gone. The SES do it every time there is a long weekend because motorists travel so often. It's a great idea. They had stickers, leaflets, activity books and all sorts. Free coffee and biscuit was the best. My stomach felt empty. I only had 2 toast and 1 sandwich today.

I was too scared to drive but I knew we had lost the nutcase lorry driver. Steve took over and we led the way. We had about 1.5 hours to go still which went quite fast luckily. The worst thing was, we had to go into the city. Steve doesn't do well when he's under pressure. We had to fill the petrol tank up before we gave it back too which gave him more stress. We followed the satnav which was difficult as Steve couldn't see it, he could only go by what we were saying from our phones. The lanes changed and trams were everywhere. The traffic lights are different here because you can turn on red too. Steve got really stressed and I'm almost sure he went grey. We took loads of wrong turns but luckily we ended up on the right road with a petrol station. We filled up and managed to turn in Jucy and leave the car with us all, including Susie, in one piece. Successful trip in my eyes! Steve calmed down after and apologised to us - we told him that we couldn't have drove in the city so well done to him. Especially as he's still a 'new' driver.

Mel and Jack weren't in the car park. We sorted our stuff out, made sure it was tidy inside and I rang Mel. She was having a mental breakdown, lost in the city somewhere. She was being honked at and all sorts. They eventually pulled up and she was shouting in the car 'I HATE DRIVING IN THE CITY!!'. I don't blame her. We dropped the keys in the 'letterbox' and left for the tram.

The tram took about 15 minutes, we jumped on and it took us right to Flinders station. Jack stays in a different hostel so he stayed on. His hostel is called Space Hotel (its really expensive, I wish we could stay there). We got back to the hostel around 2130. Everyone got McDonalds but I didn't want fastfood. I went without. We sat down in the kitchen, sorted out who owed who what money and everyone went to bed.

I sat in the kitchen on my own for a bit, having a breather. We just had the weekend of a lifetime and now we're back to reality. Dead excited for a good nights sleep, though. I was the only one who didn't have work in the morning.

I got into bed and died within a few seconds!

[loveclareeety]

Hey, Surprised? Hehe Don't worry, this is just one letter. Well, Hello, Good Morning to you! Kumusta ka na? Me, I'm fine well, trying to be. You're probably wondering why I wrote you another one of these hateable letters ever since I wrote you 17 "feeler" ones. No quirky letterings, no colorful illustrations and no deadline on when to open one. This letter is just me saying sorry, again. Months after I knew the reason why you weren't talking to me the whole time of the past year left me thinking and hating myself up until now of the STUPIDEST thing I've ever done to one of the most special persons in my life. I'm sorry, because I actually knew the tweet you were talking about, Gelo looked it up real quick the moment I told him you got [mad] at me because of a tweet and voila, he found it. "I deserve someone better. I deserve someone taller. Cc: the witnesses, Giana, Jem and Steffie." I actually have the screenshot of the said tweet, and everytime I see it I feel bad and I can't help but to be angry at myself. You said you already forgave me, and it is probably true because of all these time I knew you, JM, you are the most kind, loving and forgiving person I ever knew. And I broke your trust and probably our friendship, after all the good things you've done for me. :( Every single day I tell myself how did I break the heart of someone I once loved, someone who never did me wrong, someone who helped me finish every mind-boggling problems back in college, someone who I can rant anything to in anytime of the day, someone I know will not hurt me like how I hurt him. Even right now that we are casually talking, sometimes I feel like why do you still talk to me, I hurt you, your feelings, your ego, and yet here you are, being nice to me again when I, on the other hand, nonetheless broke your heart. I know it's not nice to judge someone, most importantly, on their physical aspects. Hindi rin naman ako perfect, and I have no reason at all nor any explanation of why I said that, probably the alcohol talking or the anger inside me that time bursting. You will probably think that these are petty reasons slash me trying to escape my mistake. But, I am no God who can just make someone not angry at me ever again just because I explained myself. Kung bibigyan lang siguro ako ni Lord ng chance baguhin yun siguro sasabihin ko "I don't need someone better, because I already have the best. " but then again, here comes hopeful Clar saying you are not even mine to begin with. I know I know, I know where I should stand. Marami pa ako kasalanan sayo like noong tinulugan ko yung bay section mo :( I'm soooorrry. Hindi parin ako nakakabawi sayo. Hindi ko rin alam paano kasi mas matalino ka naman talaga compared sa akin. :(((( Ang tali-talino mo kaya kaya marami talaga nagkakagusto sa'yo eh. Basta, if there's a window when/where I can bawi to you I'll actively take the opportunity. Another kasalanan ko sayo is everytime siguro kakanchawan tayo ng friends ko, alam ko naman ayaw mo ng mga ganoon na stuff (lalo na nung interbatch inuman, oh my god) buti nga maaga ka umalis noon and syempre bwcause of me kasi sobrang kahihiyan ako noon :( I am sorry. Freak out lang ako huhu sabi ko nga sayo, nakita mo na ako with alak, malala noh? Again, again, I'm sorry. I hope we'd still be like before everything in this letter happened. Sana sana kahit impossible. Sorry, JM ha. I really am. I wrote you this letter because I don't think saying sorry in social media is enough. Alam mo akala ko dati sobra lang kita gusto or pwede ring love, pero hindi ko akalain na kaya rin pala kita saktan without me knowing. :( I'm sorry ha. Gaaah, alam mo yun, may latak na yung friendship natin. Huhu. JM, you've been so nice to me, helping me in every way you know/can. Siguro kung inallow lang ni Lord ang clar-JM love team, ako yung may hindi deserve sa'yo eh. You deserve someone who won't break your heart, intoxicated man or hindi. You deserve someone who will love you for whatever you are and whoever you wanna be. You deserve someone who will stand guard of your dreams and all of your whatnots. You deserve someone who will climb mountains and swim the deep seas with you. You deserve someone who won't hurt you. You deserve someone who loves you perfectly just what you are. I sincerely hope that I could still find another you. You deserve all the wonderful things in life, my Bey/beke cheeks/Jan Marlo/JM. I'll always be here, 68.1 km away from you. I will always love you even if you don't love me too. I'm always one text/call away. God bless you always. God bless on your thesis as well, I'm rooting and I'll be praying for you ❤️ Enjoy Japan, keep safe ha. Love, your one and only butete, Clar P.S. Did you ever feel the same? Philippians 4:6-7 Samuel 22:33

[scienceoftheidiot]

Tag game

Rules: Complete the questions & say who tagged you in the beginning. When you’re finished, tag people to do this survey. Have fun and enjoy!

Tagged by my dear @lasimo74allmyworld ! thank you <3 ! You will see some of my answers are not far from yours... We seem to hate our glasses the same way haha. 

1. Are you named after someone? Not that I know of. Though reverse thinking, all of us have names that are linked from near or far to the story of Robin Hood... only lacks Robin. 

2. When was the last time you cried? Monday. Stress and fatigue as always. 

3. Do you like your handwriting? Depends on which. Not the one I use everyday. 

4. What is your favorite lunch meat? it changes everyday. I LOVE ALL FOOD I LIVE FOR FOOD 

5. Do you have kids? No.

6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you? I have no idea... I know many of my friends used to say or still say that I’m weird. I like weird people. So I guess. Even if I must be very tiring with all this lack of selfconfidence and stress....  

7. Do you use sarcasm? Ooooh yes. Sarcasm, irony and cynism are my stuff. 

8. Do you still have your tonsils? Uh, yeah. It’s a nightmare to have them removed these days so... (just ask my boyfriend who’s sick 24/7 beause of them) 

9. Would you bungee jump? OMG WHY DO THIS 

10. What is your favorite kind of cereal? I don’t eat much cereals anymore. But I guess Chocapic :B 

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? I wear Doc Martens, just think about not untiying them. 

12. Do you think you’re a strong person? I can be strong when others are my responsibility. For me or when I just have to stand strong... no. I break down way too fast. 

13. What is your favorite ice cream? Nocciola ;) 

14. What is the first thing you notice about people? I don’t know. Porbably if I will like them or not. 

15. What is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself? Nowadays I’m pretty happy with my body, but I still would like to lose some of my big thighs. Also I hate my glasses. I’ve only been wearing them for 6 years, I’m not used to them at all, and I really would like to get rid of them one day, but I’m not sure I will. 

16. What color pants and shoes are you wearing now? Jeans and black Doc Martens with yellow laces, because I am too lazy to untie them, so they stay on. 

17. What are you listening to right now? Wessex Boy - Frank Turner (SOON)

18. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Bottle green. Though I hate crayons eeeewwwww give me coloured pencils please

19. Favorite smell? the smell of violets

20. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? my dad

21. Favorite sport to watch? Ice hokey (live), rugby (live and tv, if you get me a beer) 

22. Hair color? Natural sometimes reddish brown

23. Eye color? Black (very very dark brown)

24. Do you wear contacts? I can’t. So It’s glasses. Fuck’em. 

25. Favorite food to eat? Pasta

26. Scary movies or comedy? Depends on the mood. I really like GOOD comedies but there’s aren’t many. Stupid comedies make me angry to no end, so chose wisely. 

27. Last movie you watched? I think it’s The Untouchables, since I haven’t watched anything else since x)

28. What color of shirt are you wearing? dark red hoodie/ grey shirt 

29. Summer or winter? all seasons have their good and bad stuff. The interesting part is how they follow each other. 

30. Hugs or kisses? Both. 

31. What book are you currently reading? Le Cas Malaussène, Tome 1 “Ils m’ont menti” by Daniel Pennac. It was my birthday present from mom. 

32. Who do you miss right now? ........ WELL IT’S NOT LIKE IM SAYING THIS EVERYTIME  My partner, Benj. 

33. What is on your mouse pad? I don’t even have a mouse. 

34. What is the last TV program you watched? The Last Leg (on youtube)

35. What is the best sound? rain after a very hot day 

36. Rolling stones or The Beatles? DEFINITELY The Beatles 

37. What is the furthest you have ever travelled? I just asked Google maps. I was furthest from my hometown when I was in Levi, Finland, exactly 3 511 km away ^^ 

38. Do you have a special talent? Drawing is definitely a talent, my dear @lasimo74allmyworld, and yours is wonderful. We just need to work to nurture it. I think I got it too, in a lowest measure.  Also the fact that I tend to be able to adapt to many different kind of people and situations. Even if many people don’t like it, I think it’s a very useful social skill. 

39. Where were you born? Montélimar, France (non le nougat c’est dégueu chut)

I tag @rancid-butter, @soot-and-snide, @savageinkspillage, @adel-iie, and @heymoon9, but only if you feel oky to do it, of course. 

Also any other of my mutuals I’d be happy to hear about you too !!  I’m sorry not to mention everyone :/ 

[dadsontour]

Dads on tour: Things operate a little differently in Argentina

My dad loves to write a holiday letter. And they’re usually too funny not to share. Names have been changed to protect fellow passengers (you’ll understand why)…

This letter is the latest update on the current jaunt around South America.

“It was interesting that the passports were processed overnight on the boat by the Argentineans, content to put a stamp inside, and then assume everyone found their way off the boat and onshore at Ushuaia.  Then,  on passing through security to board for El Calafate, no need to take out the computer, “just go through!”

El Calafate is quite a few degrees north of Ushuaia and finds itself at the southern end of the northern Patagonia if you get what I mean.  

Clearly not enough pre travel research done here as it came as a surprise to be out on the Argentinean steppe, with snow covered mountains in the distance.  Not too much grows here, even the sheep are sparsely spread.  

The calafate berry however is fairly common across all environments in this part of the world – a fruit very similar to a blueberry but growing on an incredibly threatening bush best described as a cross between a box thorn and a blackberry, but more thorns! Needless to say it is possible to load up on its jam, wine, soaps and anything else that can be flavoured.  

Argentina seems to be grappling with tourism as a means of boosting the floundering economy in these parts. Prices are all over the place.  Yes staple items seem cheap  (the humble empanada, Sth America’s answer to the meat pie,  is everywhere) but then anything with a scent of tourism about it, starts at $150 (that would be 150 Argentinean Pesos - roughly $10USD).  

With a change to a conservative government just over 12 months ago there is an attempt to cool down inflation but the figures were released yesterday showing that the inflation rate for the year just gone was 36%  with 25% expected in 2017.

That is a country in turmoil, which under the previous government just printed more money and claimed inflation was not a problem.  The Big Mac index was manipulated by doing a deal with McDonalds that the Big Mac had to be the cheapest in the world here if they wanted to trade in Argentina.  

To fill in an afternoon waiting for the bus to head further north, what better than a long walk to and around a wetland, supposedly displaying local birdlife – yes 150 Pesos later and having seen a few gulls and 3 stray dogs a contribution to the economy had been made!  A few days later I subsequently found the birdlife in abundance further around the bay – they too seemingly didn’t want to pay admission.

“The buses are an experience in themselves. Both the buses and the drivers are oversized.”

From here a short bus ride of 210 kms finds the far north outpost of Patagonia at El Chaten.   The buses are an experience in themselves.  Oversized (both the buses and the drivers), the buses come with an air horn that seems to be the driver’s main weapon as he blasts it incessantly to terrorise smaller vehicles as well as greet all his friends along the way. 

It was not difficult to translate the airhorn messages.  The road (Ruta 40) has its own “legendary” history, snaking north to south through Argentina as far as politics and waterways will permit. It is well made but comes with painted sidelines only, lending itself to some degree of negotiation (for want of a better word) about where the centre of the road is.  

The buses work on Sth American time of course (as one Argentinean said to me, there is no word in Spanish that literally means NOW, rather than say sometime in the next 15 minutes).

“The lottery of preallocated bus seating”

Having paid the 20 pesos tax to “use” the bus terminal, the lottery of preallocated bus seating had me seated beside an Italian traveller who was couch surfing through South America whilst doing his PhD in Taiwan, before returning to his Italian roots mid year (only child and his parents wanted him back!) to set up a permaculture business.

Of course his supervisor was not aware he was out of Taiwan and Piedro was still contemplating how he would explain unavailability for a meeting in Taiwan next Friday, let alone that he wouldn’t be back until March!  Adding new meaning to “working from home”, his thesis on the impact of radiation on permacultures near power stations hit hurdles getting any radiation data from the Government, but of course the PhD was going on.

El Chalten is a small village of 600 people in winter, exploding to backpacker central in summer.  If you are not compressed between an oversized backpack and a day pack on the chest, then there is an uncomfortable feeling of being out of place.  

Of course this is way beyond the travel plans of the American traveller – not too many backpacks there!  Apart from Argentineans in large numbers, French, German and Australian accents abound.  With a degree of embarrassment I extracted my suitcase with wheels from the luggage pit of the bus and headed off directly over the road to a hostelia as the burdened down back packers headed off into the distance to find their hostels much further along the one main (paved) road that joined the 15 blocks of El Chalten.  

So what is the difference between a hostelia and a hostel?  I suspect it starts with being opposite the bus terminal and having an ensuite, but let’s not get too carried away, having the proportions of a typical Japanese hotel room, where the walls can almost be touched from the centre of the room and in this case where the walls and ceilings are so thin that the snoring above and beside booms in!

A hostelia, as with a hostel no doubt, has a friendly feeling.  People talk!  On the first morning I met some Brits sharing a transfer out to a strategic starting point on the walk to Mt Fitzroy.  The conversation was interrupted mid sentence by “Is that a British accent I hear?” directed at the people behind.  Oh the excitement -  they had not met a single Brit in the last two weeks.  

“Brits can’t afford to travel now you know”

I was dropped like a hot spud as they shared their stories of what they managed to book pre Brexit and how they are now suffering.  “Brits can’t afford to travel now you know”  My immediate thoughts were of a penniless Barmy Army unable to make the journey to Australia next summer.  

The fellow Brit behind was contemplating how she could face up to ever working full time again – she liked her travel. “We thought we met some Brits the other day but they turned out to be Australians” said in disgust!  Needless to say I met them many times over, he craving for a “good feed of hake” and she for wi-fi.  Alas they would be back in Bath by mid week.

Armed with a “hostelia lunchbox”  (150 pesos of course!) the walk to Mt Fitzroy o Chalten provided another set of stunning landscapes with the physical challenge of a rise of 400 metres in the last 1 km to the glacial lake at the base of the peak.  

They were deciding to take a naked plunge into the glacial waters to test the impact of glaciation on the human appendage “

With many many people doing this walk at this time of year the stage was set for an extrovert or two, so there they were deciding to take a naked plunge into the glacial waters to test the impact of glaciation on the human appendage – they soon found out!  I guess by now the whole performance is across Facebook many times over.

The second most popular walk is of similar distance, but supposedly up a much more gentle slope to Lago Torres, another glacial lake, containing lots of icebergs.  

A gentle walk in a glacial valley – there is an oxymoron with boulders to be dodged and climbed over.  Nevertheless, another meeting with Piedro along the track indicated that the PhD wasn’t progressing too far.  Once at the lake with some great views, which could have been even greater had the cloud blown away (but not to be), the option existed for a short climb further up the moraine to look down on the glacier as it breaks off into the lake.  

Welcome Demitrios, who has travelled to these parts from Greece, joining a camping trip in a yellow truck which started back in Quito in November and will finish at Rio for the Carnivale.  Now Demitrios asked if he could follow me up this track as he was scared of heights.  

“I must be in the centre of the photo, everytime!”

I soon found out why he wanted to follow.  “Could you take  a photo of me here please?”  ... and here...and here!  “I must be in the centre of the photo, everytime!”  OK he has a photo of himself hiding the glacier, etc, etc.  I left Demitrios at the top contemplating if he would break away from his camping trip as he didn’t really like camping anyway.  “You know I am a winter swimmer”  No, before you think it there were icebergs in this lake!

An early morning departure from El Chalten back to El Calafate with a bus driver obsessed with his air horn ensured that those bedraggled backpackers some of whom looked like they had slept on the hard earth with their thin sleeping mats (I do remember!) one night too many could not get any rest onboard.  

I travelled beside an Argentinean student who had studied law and decided he could not change the world by that means so had turned to studying his passion (music) and doing the things he really wanted to do.  Interesting conversation as he spoke of life in B.A. post the election a year ago where as he put it a bad government took over from a poorly performing one.  

He was genuinely concerned for his future as a young person in Argentina.  All of that said he reminded me of how safe a place Argentina is for travel (“but be very careful in B.A.”)

So, back to El Calafate for one last dose of Patagonia to visit the amazing Perito Moreno Glacier, the glacier of all glaciers in the park.  A quick check in to the hotel which seemed to waver between being upmarket and mutton dressed up as lamb.  It is located on the Avenue of the Liberator –South American cities seem to make big statements in their street names.  

With a small degree of pain and suffering in the calves from the previous few days of walking, taking the elevator up the one floor seemed a good alternative.  Good, until it refused to open at piso 2.  

“The lift is stuck, get me out of here!”

Now here’s a challenge,  Spanish classes didn’t extend to “The lift is stuck, get me out of here!”  No phone available so what does a person do?  Ringing the alarm bell and thumping on the door didn’t produce the desired result.  In time the sound of a vacuum cleaner was in earshot and with increased intensity of bashing on the door, eventually a room service man came to the rescue forcing the door open.  Needless to say the lift has been out of service since.

Perito Moreno Glacier lived up to expectations, even if it came after grappling with a bus load of “locals” who had to be first off the bus, first on the boat,  in the best positions for selfies on the boat for the first 5 minutes before going back inside and then first off the boat.  

What an amazing sight to see pieces of ice calving off the front of the glacier  and crashing to the water with a noise equivalent to a clap of thunder.  At 70 metres in height at the front, it is a lot of ice coming into the water.  

Wow!  Patagonia has been absolutely amazing and has certainly lived up to all the expectations I had prior to the trip.

Dad