#everything red is homura despair

[luneariann]

Teehee

[pinkberrypocky]

pmmm rewatch live notes: ep 10

ep 10 wough all the homura content and seeing the flashbacks is so great but also so heart wrenching what if i exploded. the scene where madoka asks homura to kill her before she becomes a witch ugh head in hands homura's scream as she kills her echoes around in my skull

Homura has bows in her hair in flashback! Just like madoka 

Madoka leads homura to the nurse’s office on her first day so it makes sense that she knows how to get there in our timeline

Madoka tells homura to call her by her given name on the way there just like homura tells madoka to do in the first ep

Madoka tells homura about how her name is so cool that it would be a waste not to become cool to match it

Foreshadowing lol

Just like how homura became the cool/cold person she is now because she followed madoka’s request to go back in time and save her before kyubey could trick her

Red sky in the background of the labyrinth that homura gets trapped in before she is a magical girl

They talk about being magical girls over tea and cake like its no big deal and complement each other and laugh like wtf that does not match the weight of the topic

Madoka’s duty to protect other makes her try to kill walpurgisnacht on her own in the original timeline even though she knows she will die

It's like the places are swapped where homura cries and tells her to just leave it all and run away and be safe together like madoka is trying in the main timeline

Homura is sooooo survivors guilt and inferiority complex and lack of self worth

“What is the wish that will make your soul gem shine?” raw ass line considering that the soul gem is THEM so he’s really saying what is the wish that will make YOU shine

Red background when homura tries to tell all of them about kyubey in the third timeline and sayaka shuts her down

In the old timelines the magical girls work in teams like madoka has been saying they should in the main timeline

Blue lighting when mami tries to kill the others before they can become witches

In the scene where both homura and madoka are about to become witches it starts with a super up close image of them bc nothing else matters it's just them

Homura wants to despair and give up on everything else whereas madoka uses her last actions to save others bc she is the embodiment of hope

Water around them is purple when madoka asks homura to mercy kill her

Even when she is despairing enough to become a witch madoka wants to protect the world 

Yellow and blue lighting on black silhouettes as homura kills madoka

Mostly grayscale and purple once homura decides she has to do everything on her own

Screen is dark and black as kyubey tries to convince madoka to make a contract to help homura defeat walpurgisnacht (the scene that was her dream in the first ep)

The way madoka becomes the most powerful witch when she makes a contract to destroy the most powerful witch is so heartbreaking

Like the epitome of the witch/magical girl cycle

Homura steels herself to put on an act before going forward to face madoka after madoka finds kyubey running away from homura

This ep ending with the opening is so representative of the cycle of the repeating the timeline and also the cycle of witches and magical girls

[dreamerwitches]

I love Iceberg memes so I decided to do my own for Madoka Magica~

Some of the rankings may be a little off cause I struggled with the order, and some may be biased towards my own knowledge

If you have anything good to add, please say! ^^

Right-o, we’re gonna do explanations under the cut so here we go!

Sky:

God and the Devil: This applies to Ultimate Madoka and Devil Homura and how they take on roles similar to God and The Devil/Lucifer from Christianity. Madoka’s all knowing, loving and seeing power as a concept mirrors the belief of God and Homura’s rebellion against Madoka and becoming a power of her own shares similarities to the Devil.

Magi become Witches: Shown officially in Episode 9. Magical girls become witches when they fall into despair. Every witch the magical girls fight once was a girl just like them.

Homura’s nicknames: Homura has many funny fan names based on her name such as HomuHomu, Homerun-chan and just Homu. The Homu nickname also appears in her Witch form, Homulilly (from Homu and red spider lily)

Episode 3: The episode where everything turns and its no longer a cutesy magical girl anime. Mami is brutally killed by a witch showing the other girls the reality of becoming a magical girl.

Sayaka has to die: Slightly explained by Madoka in episode 12. If Sayaka hadn’t wished to heal Kyosuke’s hand then he would never be able to play again. It was truly Sayaka’s one want so she always contracts in every timeline to have this wish granted. However, since Kyosuke is a dumb airhead (a-ah i mean... a bit clueless), Sayaka never gets the appreciation (or boyfriend) that she wants, meaning she always turns into a witch and dies. This is why Sayaka is not reborn in episode 12 like Homura, Mami and Kyoko.

Familiars grow into witches: Explained by Kyoko in the series and confirmed outside the series as well. Familiars can split off from their witch and grow into their respective witch, thus, you can let one eat humans and grow into a witch, giving yourself a grief seed. The Dengeki Playstation magazine suggests that Albertine from the Madoka Magica Portable PSP game came from the Anja from Episode 4.

Episode 12 magi: This refers to the magical girls Madoka is seen saving in episode 12. There are famous women as magical girls as well as unique girls. Some of these include Queen Himiko, Cleopatra, a viking girl and Joan of Arc. Aside from some Magia Record cameos and Joan of Arc’s own spin off, Tart Magica, these girls have not appeared since.

Mami and Bebe: In Rebellion, Mami lives with Charlotte (a disguised Nagisa Momoe, Charlotte’s magical girl). Charlotte is renamed Bebe since none of the magical girls actually know her name. Their names together may be a play on words of ‘Mommy and Baby’ (Mami and Bebe)

Homura steals from mafia: In episode 10, it is revealed that Homura steals her guns and various firearms that she uses throughout the series from mafia bases and government facilities.

Kyubey is evil: An interesting topic. The simple answer is yes because they simply desire to use humans to create energy to prolong the life of the universe. Becoming a magical girl and becoming a witch create great amounts of energy for Kyubey’s race. Since they lack emotions to feel sadness for the ‘small amount’ of deaths they cause, they think what they are doing is good since their efforts will keep the universe living longer. However, to humans, they are evil as their wish is to kill girls for their own gain.

Prior lives of witches: A link to ‘magi become witches’. There is much speculation about who the witches magical girls where. Charlotte’s magical girl was revealed to be Nagisa Momoe - a Rebellion movie inclusion - and Uhrmann’s magical girl has simply been named in Magia Record as Inui Itsumi. Only the witches appearances, labyrinths and descriptions can really hint at who they once were.

Tip:

Amy: Amy is a cat that cameos many times in the Madoka series. She first appears in the anime opening where Madoka holds her. She is perhaps a red herring as to make the viewer think lightly of the series before watching. In some timelines, Madoka’s wish was to save Amy after she was hit by a car. She is also named after Madoka’s voice actor’s own cat.

Mirror Witch name: A recent discovery. The Mirror Witch from Magia Record was an elusive witch until her name was given not long ago as Sarah Mirabilis W. There are many ideas of where her name came from such as ‘Spira mirabilis’, a logarithmic spiral, ‘Mirabilis’ a latin name for different organisms, or ‘Sarah L Winchester’ a woman who made a confusing and maze-like house, similar to the witch.

Almost 100 loops: When asked about how many time loops Homura has gone through, the answer from a Q&A panel was ‘approaching 100′ meaning Homura has lived the same month almost 100 times to save Madoka.

Witch of Despair and Salvation: Also known as Kriemhild Gretchen, Madoka’s witch. The Witch of Salvation appears in episode 10 whereas the Witch of Despair appears in episode 12. Episode 12 Kriemhild is born from Madoka’s final wish as Ultimate Madoka. Despite both being Madoka’s witch, it has never been confirmed that they are the same witch or have the same name.

Drug Dog Reinforcement: The game Kyoko plays in the series, rebellion and in her Magia Record transformation. It stars the Inu Daruma brothers, more creatures designed by Gekidan Inu Curry. Their ‘witch card’ can be seen as a cameo on the witch cards section of the official website however they are not witches.

Concept Movie: A movie that isn’t really a movie. Only a trailer has ever been released and not even properly publicly. It seemed to be a sequel to rebellion that featured Mami as a main character. New magical girls could be seen in the trailer. The trailer was released at the Madogatari event in 2015 and it is unknown whether the project was scrapped or if it really is the new movie coming soon.

Movie & Blue-ray changes: The Blu-ray and Movie releases of the series and movies bear differences from original TV and cinema broadcasts. Some changes are Charlotte’s appearance (from pink cheeks and black eyes to yellow cheeks and blue eyes), the ‘girls cant love girls’ line and basic edits such as quality and incorrect lines.

Guitarist Kyosuke: In the timeline known as timeline 3 from episode 10, a different Oktavia appears. She has a different colour scheme as well as a more rock theme instead of the other Oktavia’s more classical theme. Notes from the Production Note say that this Oktavia is from when Kyosuke was a guitarist instead of a violinist.

Portable Witches: The game, Madoka Magica Portable for the PSP introduced a lot of witches absent from the anime. These include witches for Mami, Kyoko and Homura as well as new or mentioned but unseen witches. Albertine, Itzli, Quitterie, Motorbike Gisela, Candeloro and Ophelia (Mami and Kyoko’s witches) are new witches that can be fought.

Portable Homulilly: Linking to the Portable Witches point. Homura’s witch, Homulilly can first be seen in Portable. She can only be seen if Homura loses against Walpurgisnacht where the end screen will be different. Homura will give up hope and the game over will have the image of her witch, Homulilly. This Homulilly is different to the Homulilly that appears in the Rebellion Story. This is probably because the circumstances of the movie caused her to change appearance.

Pseudo Witches: Special witches from the manga spin off, Kazumi Magica. They are witches born from normal women using an ‘evil nut’. The nut is embedded into the head and the person becomes a witch. Unlike regular witches, these woman can be saved as they detach from the witch once defeated.

Shallows:

Questionable Rabi: A character from the Magia Record phone game, Rabi Himuro has a magical girl outfit that vaguely resembles traditional Native American clothing. However, her nationality is never stated so it may be culturally insensitive for her to wear such a thing.

Mobage: An old phone game called Madoka Magica Mobage, released in 2011. It featured unique stories including one for Homura and Sayaka individually, though it had a very simple style and seems primitive now. It also featured unique witches and magical girls that have not appeared in media since.

Charlotte pronunciation: Charlotte’s name is described as being pronounced the German way as ‘shar-lot-ah’. She is the only witch whose name’s pronunciation has been described.

Homura’s age: A link to the ‘over 100 loops’ point. If Homura has relived the same month almost 100 times, then that means she has still aged over that time. The calculations reveal she would have ages by 12 years, making her 26. Despite this, there are points to say that she hasn’t aged at all and she simply ages with memories and experiences.

Episode 3 Suleika: In episode 3 of the anime, Mami fights Suleika’s familiar, Ulla. Initially, she was meant to fight the witch Suleika however the fight was cut down for time convenience for the episode as a whole.

Small Candeloro: Mami’s witch, Candeloro appears as very small during her fight in Portable. Her doppel is also one of the smallest in Magia Record. Her bio from the Madogatari event actually reveals that she’s so small that she fits in a teacup.

Witch of Cheesecake: A very early version of Charlotte. Their wish is the same as Nagisa’s however. The early witch’s space was inspiration for Charlotte’s labyrinth as well as Anja’s. The early familiars resemble mice more-so than the final Pyotr who are a lot more cartoony.

Du Polignac Colours: Early screenshots of Candeloro’s familiars, Du Polignac, from gaming magazines show them with colours more like the magical girls they are based on. The Madoka familiar would wear all pink with yellow ribbons and the Kyoko familiar would wear all red with yellow-orange ribbons. The final designs have a dark blue dress and red ribbons for Madoka and a dark teal dress and light orange ribbons for Kyoko.

Manga differences: The manga versions of the original anime series and rebellion feature many differences. These include different story aspects or additions, witch designs and overall pacing (since the medium of anime and manga are very different). The reason this is is actually because the manga were written alongside the anime and movie. They both used the same production notes, but would stray away from them in their own ways.

Human-witch Isabeau: Isabeau is the main villain of the manga spin-off Tart Magica. She was once a magical girl but now, despite taking on the appearance of a human, is a witch. Once she turned into a witch from a regular magical girl, her adopted daughter, Lapin, wished for her to return to how she was. She lost her witch form and became human. However her witch desired to destroy all of France and she kept this desire because the witch process can’t be truly reversed in this story.

Charlotte is the doll: Its a common theory that Charlotte’s true form was the doll that sat opposite to her in her labyrinth. This is because her second form finally is defeated after Homura lands on the doll, squishing it. Despite this, it has been proven as false in an official magazine interview.

Madoka in Oriko death: In the spin-off manga Oriko Magica, the main character, Oriko Mikuni, is capable of seeing into the future. With this ability, she realises Madoka will become Kriemhild Gretchen and destroy the world so she must stop that. In the end, after realising Homura’s intent to protect Madoka. Oriko decides to kill Madoka. In a shocking twist, Oriko is able to kill Madoka as she dies herself, fulfilling her desires but also making Homura simply reset the timeline.

Inu Curry Doppels: In early screenshots and art of the phone game Magia Record, the doppels of Iroha, Yachiyo, Madoka and Mami are shown to be drawn fully in an Inu Curry style instead of using their usual game sprites. In the end, only the witch part of the doppel use this style. The use of the magical girls’ usual sprites instead is most likely for speed and ease.

Kenji Miyazawa: A japanese novelist and poet. Many aspects of Magia Record are inspired by his work such as doppels and story aspects. More about it here

Deep waters:

HIV Alina: Alina’s doppel, Old Dorothy, used to show the image of the HIV virus’ anatomy on it. Her doppel currently uses a non specific design instead. The reason for the change of this is unknown.

Love has yet to arrive: In Rebellion, Homulilly has a set of 15 familiars called the Clara Dolls. All but one appear in the movie. The last Clara doll is called Ai, Love, and it is stated that Ai is nowhere to be seen. It is hinted at throughout the film that Homura is actually Ai and they even share the same black dress. The runes on Ai’s doll packaging say ‘being alone suits her well’

Madogatari Event: An event from 2015 where the concept movie was shown as well as an exhibition showing off Studio SHAFT anime concept art, production drawings and more. Quite a few pieces of concept art of witches were shown that had never been seen before leading to some new discoveries.

Unused Du Polignac: Linked to the last point, Madogatari Event, in that event, all of Candeloro’s familiars were shown. Candeloro’s minions, Du Polignac, are based of Mami’s (the witch’s magical girl) friends. Only Kyoko and Madoka versions were shown in the game Candeloro debuted in, Portable, but designs for both Homuras, Sayaka and Hitomi were shown at this event - albeit in a low quality.

Train passengers are dead: In Episode 8 of the anime, Sayaka overhears two men on a train bad mouthing their girlfriends. At this time, Sayaka is in a terrible emotional state as she’s about to fall into despair and become a witch. She interrupts the men and transforms in front of them. The fate of the men is never shown however, the manga adaptation strongly hints that Sayaka murdered them as blood can be seen dripping from her sword afterwards. It was confirmed by the manga author that they were killed however an animator, Akiyuki Shinbo has stated than in the anime, they are still alive.

Rumor Tsuruno ep 20: A recent point. In Episode 20 of the Magia Record anime, Yachiyo attempts to save a Rumour controlled Tsuruno by using the skill Connect with her. This will save her from the Rumour as long as Yachiyo really understands Tsuruno. Yachiyo fails however and this causes dire consequences for Tsuruno. Every bone in her body breaks yet since a magical girl lives by their Soul and not their body, she can still move. With blood everywhere and Tsuruno twisting her skin in unnatural directions, she screams that she’s the strongest.

Niko’s Past: In the spin-off manga, Kazumi Magica, there is a character called Niko Kanna. It is revealed in the story that her wish was to create a clone with a happy life and no memory of her past. This is because when she was younger she accidentally killed two of her friends while playing with her father’s gun. Her witch Weiße Königin links to this theme as she is a shooting target.

Sudachi’s Wish: Sudachi is a character from the Magia Record phone game. At her school, a former student came in with a knife and gun, threatening the class. Before they left, they forced the class to choose a hostage to take with him. Because Sudachi was a loner with no friends, the whole class chose her to go. Sudachi makes her wish now, fuelled by anger, she wishes ‘help only me’. This causes the attacker to feel apathetic towards Sudachi and spares her, yet kills everyone else in the room.

Miscarriage Livia: Livia is a character from the Magia Record phone game, and one of the few adults. There are links and themes in her Doppel and Memoria that she may have suffered a miscarriage. Her doppel resembles a uterus and its name refers to a fetus. Her personal memoria speaks of a marriage that was ruined by a certain event.

Nagisa’s meaning of her wish: Nagisa’s event story in the game Magia Record tells of the time before she became a magical girl. The story shows how Nagisa leads a sad life with an absent father and an abusive mother. Her mother is in the hospital because of an illness and Kyubey is bugging her to make a contract. In the hospital, Nagisa’s mother says to Nagisa that the reason she is ill is because Nagisa was born. Nagisa then wishes for a cheesecake for her mother. Instead of wishing to heal her mother, she chooses something else just to spite her for treating her so poorly.

Different Story Mami death: The spin-off manga The Different Story, tells of a story revolving around Mami and Kyoko. Throughout the story, it is revealed how scared and alone Mami is. Near the end, Mami breaks down in front of Madoka, saying how she regrets her wish not to save her parents and wishes she wasn’t a magical girl. Madoka comforts Mami, saying she will become a magical girl and defeat Walpurgisnacht. During the fight scene, a brief image is shown of Mami in her apartment, laying on the ground and smiling. The ribbon of a previously deceased Kyoko is in her hand and her Soul Gem shattered as she chose to take her own life.

Lisa: In the Rebellion Story movie, giant blimps are shown around the city. Although never stated in most official media, these creatures are actually Homulilly’s familiars, Lisa. They are not included in the book Witches Artwork that shows all witches and familiars from the movie and are only named and mentioned as familiars in the Rebellion Production Note.

Shin’s lost baby: Shin is a witch from Magia Record. Her bio describes that she has lost a baby and treats humans as her lost baby, holding them tight to never lose them again. The thought of the witch’s magical girl being someone who perhaps wished something about a baby is a dark thought. Perhaps the girl lost or killed a baby in her previous life, or even wished for one to die and be lost forever.

Depths:

Concept Movie Sayaka’s bones: From the small art we saw from the Concept Movie, one piece is of Sayaka in a golden mask, seemingly sealed away. At first glance, her arms seem to be outstretched and her cloak covering it. However, there are adornments hanging from the cloak. These are bones, her own bones, detached so there was no way she could fight back.

Kyosuke suicide: In Sayaka’s route of Portable, Sayaka visits Kyosuke one day but finds he isn’t there. Kyubey has been bugging her to make a contract and suggests that Kyosuke might choose to die because many talented artists have killed themselves when they can’t improve their work or carry on. Sayaka denies that Kyosuke but finds him on the hospital roof, preparing to jump off. Sayaka stops him and wishes to heal his arm, becoming a magical girl.

Itzli’s clovers: In SLOT Puella Magi Madoka Magica 2, Kyubey explains Itzli to Homura. They mention how strange the witch is and one point they say is that Itzli can watch anything through any clover in the world. She is able to watch Homura over every timeline and perhaps learn from her. Clovers appear in her witch kiss and on her design.

Sayaka rotting: Another point from Sayaka’s route in Portable. Because she finds herself weak, Sayaka throws away her Soul Gem, deciding not to continue to be a magical girl. At this point she was unaware that doing so causes her to fall unconscious. Madoka and Homura search for her Soul Gem and if they can’t find it in time, Kyoko does but falls unconscious because she uses up too much energy finding it. Sayaka awakes as the Soul Gem is close enough to her and goes to see Kyosuke. At this point, Kyoko had run out of energy to keep Sayaka’s body fresh and it had begun to decay. Sayaka sees Kyosuke and is unaware of the state of her body. Kyosuke calls Sayaka a monster and she turns into a witch.

Oshiti and Suzugamori meanings: A recent witch from Magia Record is Oshiti. Her and her familiar share quite darkly themed names. Her witch type, Gokumon is the name of an execution method from Japan where the victim is beheaded and the head is gibbeted. The familiars, Suzugamori, are the name of an execution grounds where burning, crucifixions and Gokumon were carried out. Oshiti is speculated to be based off Yaoya Oshichi, a young girl who was executed quite wrongfully.

Michaela are made from humans: Izabel’s familiars, Michaela are walking pieces of art made by the witch. Their bio states that they are made of body parts. Their light beige and red colouring hint at this as well as their rigid and frantic animations that look like someone flailing in agony.

[pechikka]

ok i have to dump my guardians of the video game pmmm AU somewhere. and im not making a sideblog for gotvg. anyways madoka magica spoilers implied below

continue is madoka.

i dont have everything figured out but continue was madoka in the sense that she used her wish to completely rewrite the laws of the universe and being deleted from the world in the process, and aaa was her homura in the sense that she's the only one who remembers the old world. in this one, the story of the past really WAS forgotten by everyone else. the universe itself has been made again into a more fair one

continue and aaa were friends for years, continue as a civilian who kyubey never persuaded into magical girlhood through his slimy pushiness because she was just interested in watching and studying aaa do her thing until she uncovers the true origin of witches and probably in part because of that aaa transforms and because she was already the single most absurdly powerful magical girl, as a witch she is a being of destruction on a massive scale. and so continue finally makes her wish

i havent nailed down the specifics of how it differs from madoka's wish, though it has more or less the same result of changing the system so magical girls fight against "wraiths" instead of turning into witches and fighting those. however as a result of her wish in specific aaa was never a magical girl in the new reality despite having all her memories intact.

continue leaves behind a daughter who, like madoka's little brother in canon, inexplicably remembers her. aaa takes her in the same as in the comic

like in pmmm canon per the movie, the incubators WOULD prefer the witch method if they found out it was a possibility since its more efficient for energy collection than having the girls fight wraiths. cheat somehow begins to uncover these principles with the tacit support of the incubators in her weird experiments. because continue unlike madoka is probably not actually personally purifying every single girl, it IS actually possible for cheat to manage to push other magical girls into despair hard enough to make them turn witch, possibly with some manner of interference thanks to the incubators. and she does this for funsies because shes Like That

patch has been her longest standing chew toy. she never gives in no matter how cheat tries to drive her to the depths of misery and this makes cheat obsessed with seeing what kind of witch will bloom from that perfect and determined magical girl who has never given in to despair

patch used to be a fragile, sickly girl from a remote town whose wish was to become strong enough to change things for the better, but in typical pmmm fashion it went horribly wrong. like kyoko's backstory levels of wrong, her hometown is most likely gone and even if not she was definitely run out of town. shes been hopping from town to town hunting wraiths and leading slapdash teams of magical girls into battle (she met cheat in one of these occassions unluckily for her)

publi is a girl who loved magical girls and dreamed of becoming a hero of justice, who one day gets trapped in a witch's labyrint (from a grief seed planted by cheat) and is rescued by a girl with bright red hair. she INMEDIATELY wants to become a magical girl too!! patch begrudgingly runs her through the basics and takes her along on a few small wraith hunts to show her the ropes but publi hasnt yet made a contract because she hasnt decided on what to wish for.

[goji-pilled]

Well here goes episode 9 👍

-The fact that this episode opens by showing the end of the trainstation scene again already makes me want to break down

-Oktavia!!!!!!! Fishy!!!!

-One of the things I love about the sheer horror of Oktavia is the fact that she screams, and it's still in Sayaka's voice and you can hear that horrible mix of despair and all kinds of emotion.... god.

-Kyoko's refusal of abandoning the body. Man.

-Connect still slaps by the way

-That pure... detachment in Homura's voice is so fucking sad man. Because like she cares, she does care so very much, and Rebellion proves that but she lost all of them so much and oughhhghg *head in hands* Homura....

-Stan Kyoko 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

-Kyubey. (derogatory)

-I need him dead so badly, I need his entire species to pop at once like a bunch of balloons

-*points* the chairs!!!

-Kyubey calls girls "females" and that alone is the only red flag you need to know he's bad news

-God the fucking nerve of him to say "If you feel like dying for the universe call me :3" like how about you choke on a dick you piece of garbage

-Kyoko making sure the body's in prime condition,,,, so much for using her power only for herself,,,, FUCK.

-Wait are those the horse and mermaid windchimes they've mentioned on the wiki once- Okay. OKAY.

-Sayaka is the one who reminded her of why she became a magical girl,,,her hope,,,her reason to fight,,,, don't look at me I'm soft

-I'm in fucking tears and this was just Madoka and Kyoko talking ffffffffuck

-"Aren't you friends?"

"Not really"

*head in hands*

-The little kissy face by the entrance is genuinely so cute though fkdkfjsl

-Damn Kyoko what happened to only caring about yourself? First Sayaka and now Madoka?

-Anyways god. The hallway with the posters and the "Look at me"... that and the entrance really add emphasis on Sayaka's yearning for someone to love her and pay attention to her, even if it's a curse now...

-SYMPOSIUM MAGARUM MY BELOVED HEHEHE

-It's hard to see anything in that memory-hallway but one of those seems to be Madoka, Hitomi and Sayaka on their way to school while other is Kyoko with the bag of apples... facsinating

-Wait I never noticed how the memories stop being shown when Oktavia realizes they're there. Kinda feels like a strange kind of closing off one's heart... which would fit considering the pain of past rejection and memories make sure she can never move on and get what she longs for the most... or maybe that's me

-I LOVE THIS FUCKING THING. THE TAVI.

-I'm still in love with the fact that Symposium Magarum doesn't just perfectly capture Oktavia's despair and suffering, but also Madoka and Kyoko's desperation to try and get Sayaka back.

-It's how Kyoko says, payback. Someone who's hurt and now lashes out everyone and everything, hellbent to spread her curse.... man. MANNNNNN.

-That fucking sihoulette moment that turns into a heart is fucking evil

-There it is... Kyosuke who lost his hand, Sayaka who wondered why it wasn't hers, and now Oktavia who's lost hers.. goddamnit.

-On a different note: Remember how the Anthonies referred to Gertrud as the queen of the labyrinth? The fact that Oktavia bleeds blue blood kinda fits in with "Witches are seen as queens of their little kindoms" thing lol

-The happy dream thing is just, god, so much. Because like she calls being by Sayaka's side and fighting with her a dream in Rebellion and that shit fucking broke me the first time (still does)

-Fucking Violin boy.

-There's something so... so ough idk what to call it but the "You gotta focus on the one thing that means the most to you and protect it to the end" line is just. A lot. And it also makes me so horribly emotional about Ophelia again because in that outcome Kyoko failed to do that again and breaks under that, abandoned by everyone and everything she loves and I'm normal I swear I am-

-That promise to never abandon Sayaka... even as a witch, even when she's a monster so angry and hurt Kyoko chooses to stay with her because she believes Sayaka still is worthy of love, attention, care and kindness and it's all Sayaka wanted from all this and if that isn't love then I don't know what is.

-Die Kyubey.

-And they're home... their party for broken hearts....

[magicaed]

OKAY so im gonna be talkinng about the scene in the alley with homura + sayaka (mainly sayaka in iy) so first of all that's one of my favorite scenes in the movie i think i have it saved somewhere but okay so. i love that scene so so much ik i already said it but yeah i just. okay so . in the main series the Sayaka and homura rivalry was very just like. little kid-ish if you get what i mean like, i mean yeah it was there but there wasn't any motivation behind it other than ew she looked at madoka weird + she's cold hearted + tried to kill the little animal grr i hate homura but here. i feel like her rivalry with homura has depth. like. Sayaka KNOWS what's going on in mitakihara and is there almost instigating homura in a way and just having so much fun and it's just. aghhh and yhen when it finally gets to the part when Sayaka and homura fight im. the way she comes to terms with herself enough to actually USE Octavia to get homura to realize hey you're a witch without actually sayign it and then it leads up to all of it just. and then when she hold on i have to rewatch it really quick.

 OKAY OKAY SO THE LINE "lemme guess you thought that because she (bebe) used to be a witch she's still that way, jump to conclusions much?" THIS BC . SHE REMEMBERS EVERYTHING FROM THE MAIN TIMELINE . not only does she remember mami dying, homuras initial appearance etc etc but she remembers her spiral into despair and herself becoming a witch. she KNEW she was a witch like. AGH . then that line is soooooo important bc not only does it disprove homuras theory that bebe is a witch and the cause of the strangeness in mitakihara but its also a commentary on herself like. SHE KNOWS SHES A WITCH and like. SHE CHANGED. HER DEMEANOR CHANGED SHES NOT THE SAME SAYAKA SHE WAS IN THE MAIN TIMELINE!!!!!  THEN when she's explaining to homura the reasoning about why bebe isnt the witch who made the labyrinth they're currently stuck in + homura tries to pause time bc she knows what sayakas starting to say she's realizing whats happening . Sayaka had no reason to reset any timeline, it was all homura that was literally her motivation for the wish and homura KNOWS THSIM . it's like i said earlier she's simply nudging homura on to realizingbthat she in fact is the witch who created this whole mess. okay then anw she stops homura from pausing time so she can escape and Sayaka IMMEDIATELY stops it she knows homura soo well at this point it's. im. then the red herring of Mami . HOLY SHIT THIS OST TRACK IS GOOD HOLD ON. OKAY OKAY OKAY GO LISTEN TO PULLING MY OWN WEIGHT PMMM REBELLION OST . anyway back to our regularly scheduled programming :) so the red herring of Mami possibly being the witch agh, Sayaka knows what she's doing smirks. THEN THENTVHENE T when Sayakas like yeah no this world isn't too bad isn't that right and homuras like. are . you siding with a witch it's . agh like. the development Sayaka has in this scene is so crazy like. main series Sayaka could never she she had so much development and change through out this part and it's just so crazy to me . thennnn it gets to the point where homura realizes Sayaka shouldn't know about the witches based off her conversations around her and she's like hmmm wait there aren't witches …… then . the shared memory of madoka the big moments it's like, something, everything is wrong but part 2 slowly everything is coming together then the "I'm the same old Sayaka I've always been, transfer student *shaft head tilt*" THEN THE PAUSE TO REVEAL OCTAVIA AFTER SAYAKAS ALL DRAMATIC AND STUFF AGH. like. she knows what she did she knows what she just told homura, bebes not the witch, im not the witch, who else would benefit from a world like this . a world in which Madoka is alive .then at the end when she says "do you really want to destroy this version of mitakihara city? think hard about this decision, just so you don't regret it later." this is like. not even related to Sayaka in this scene but just the foreshadowing here in this scene is soooo crazy like. homura literally destroys that version of mitakihara and then she regrets it . she regrets her creation of it in the first place and like . AGH 

[dandivinity]

Madokannon: Religious Symbolism in Madoka Magica

If there’s one word I’d use to describe the show, Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica, it would be deceptive. If you’re wondering how a cute Sailor Moon rip-off with even brighter colors and a moe art-style is deceptive, congrats, you fell for the deception. As the series continues, it becomes clear that the show is not a cut-and-dry monster of the week where good always triumphs. Rather it is a pastel-colored Faustian bargain where even the best intentions can lead to dire consequences. In the end it is only through the titular characters unshakeable hope and faith and no small amount of divine intervention that the series reaches it’s bitter sweet conclusion. This is obvious upon a first viewing. What is less obvious is the nature that this divine intervention takes. While the show occasionally makes direct connections to Christianity, It seems to me that the theology implemented is Buddhist through and through complete with Four noble truths, samsara, vile rebirth, and an allegory of the bodhisattva Kannon. 

Let’s start with the basis of the show, the wishes. This is one of Madoka’s most prominent aspects and the largest concern from the beginning of the series before the villain’s true underpinnings are revealed. For those of you not familiar, 1). Why are you reading this? And 2). The set-up of the Madoka,  like most magical girl anime, involves a cute animal mascot offering the girls magical powers in order to fight monsters. What makes this set up unique however is that the oh so cute cat-bunny-thing known as Kyubey also offers the girls one wish as an incentive so that they would accept it’s “contract”. Now the use of the word “contract” is an obvious red flag meant to alert us to the Faustian nature of the deal. And yes, the agreement comes with several hidden clauses that Kyubey conveniently leaves out such as the fact that becoming a magical girl involves having your soul removed from your body and placed into a gem because it’s “easier to protect”. But Kyubey’s not exactly stealing it like a Christian devil would. More importantly than the hidden clauses though, is the wishes themselves.

Now stories of the devil tempting people with promises of wealth or power are quite common in Western literature, as are tales of djinn or monkey paws providing wishes that always go wrong in Near Eastern lit. But what’s extraordinary about Madoka is that for the most part the wishes the girls grant are simple in nature and rather generous. Our main focus point, and the only wish we see pursued from beginning to end in chronological order is that of Sayaka Miki. Sayaka is established to be crushing on a boy who was a former violin prodigy before a car accident left him paralyzed with no hope of playing ever again. Sayaka wishes for him to be healed, and just like that, it’s done. 

The boy does not relapse, nor does he lead into another accident. He simply starts a miraculous yet slow path to recovery, until the series finale where he is shown without crutches and playing beautifully for a wide audience. The problem? Well as pointed out before Sayaka even makes the wish, she’s wasn’t actually doing it for him: she was on an unconscious level hoping that he’d be forever grateful to her. Does she hold this over him? No. Does he reject her? No. She simply doesn’t ask. Sayaka is too busy with her new responsibilities and ashamed of what she has become to ask. 

And frankly the importance of Kyosuke in Sayaka’s fall is largely overstated by the fanbase. Yes, he’s a large factor but even more so than wanting to heal him or his gratitude, Sayaka wants to be a hero. This is heightened when their magical mentor dies within the first three episodes. Sayaka now feels like it’s her responsibility to protect her city as no one else will. Unfortunately, she’s simply not as strong as her former mentor or the new morally unsound magical girls that seeks to dispose of her (both Kyoko and Homura). This is really what leads to Sayaka’s downward spiral as she comments, “The world doesn’t need a magical girl who can’t even kill a witch”. Sayaka wants to be a hero, and she wants to get the guy and she gets neither. Her desires, both fulfilled and unfulfilled, all lead to her suffering. This is the First Noble Truth of Buddhism. 

I realize this isn’t the most convincing argument on its own but let’s zoom out a bit here. What is desire if not earthly attachments? Attachment and inability to let go of attachment is a concept found in nearly all the wishes in the show. It doesn’t matter if it’s Sayaka’s wishing for her friend’s health, Mami literally trying to cling to life, or Kyoko (in the most directly religious moment in the show) wishing that people would come to her father’s sermons so that her family could have enough to eat. All of these desires are moral in some way and yet they are still desires. More importantly, they all involve a longing for what once was, and are attempts to return things to how they were rather than moving on. This inability to let go is characterized not just in the wishes but in the reason they’re implemented in the first place. 

When Kyubey finally explains why they knowingly cause suffering to countless adolescent girls throughout time, they explain it’s to harvest enough renewable energy from the emotions of magical girls to stave off the entropy of the universe. The whole process is rather convoluted and -let’s face it- an excuse to deconstruct magical girl tropes, but that doesn’t change the fact that preventing the heat death of the universe is still Kyubey’s number one goal. That combined with their inability to truly understand the suffering they’re causing has caused some of the community to question their villain status or at least say they’re a villain with a just cause. And while postponing the heat death of the universe may be noble in the long run, it is a literal fight against the impermanence of the universe. A fight that we know from Buddhism is doomed to only lead to personal trauma in the face of inevitability of a changing world. But it is this fight against impermanence that kyubey embodies so well, and one that is baked into the wish-based magical girl system they run. 

Ok, enough beating around the bush. It’s time to talk about Homura. After spending most of the show as a mysterious red-herring villain that knows far too much, Homura finally gets an episode dedicated to her near the end of the show where it’s revealed she’s a time traveller who restarted the timeline over and over again in order to make her wish come true; to be able to save Madoka. Specifically  Homura has to replay the same month over and over again until she can succeed in saving Madoka’s life and cannot escape until this goal is reached.  This obsession leads to a very literal samsara, by repeating the timeline again and again Homura is actively choosing to trap herself in endless cycles of suffering, death, and rebirth all because of her attachment to the mortal world. Through this process we can see Homura fall apart becoming more and more monstrous in her single-minded focus to save Madoka at the expense of everything else. By the time she arrives at our main timeline that the rest of the show takes place in, Homura is comparable to a hungry ghost. She’s directly accused of walking through the world as if dead, unable to feel anything except for the desire that damned her in the first place, her obsession with Madoka. When even this too seems lost, she nearly becomes a witch. 

In Mahayana Buddhism, rebirth on earth is not the worst thing that can happen after one’s death. If one leads a sufficiently desperate life they can be reborn as an animal, hungry ghost, or in hell. This is where Madoka’s witches come from. Perhaps the most tragic twist in Madoka Magica is that if a magical girl falls into despair (usually due to her wish’s inability to make her happy), her soul gem will transform into a grief seed which then becomes one of the monsters they fight. These nightmare collage monsters have new names separate from their old identities and live in pocket dimensions where they lure people in. These pocket dimensions often in someway manifests the desires of their old lives being filled with sweets, TVs, or (in Sayaka’s case) violinists. Interestingly, when Sayaka first dies and is reborn as the witch Octavia in a train station, her labyrinth is also full of railroad tracks. She relocates to a concert hall and the labyrinth follows suit, but train wheels remain despite having no apparent bearing on her previous life. This could be a reference to Buddhist beliefs about your final thoughts and which direction you look when you die having bearing on which realm you’ll be reborn into. 

Homura’s obsession in contrasted by Madoka’s ability to let go. Madoka’s final wish and subsequent ascension has often been compared to Jesus’s sacrifice on the cross, and rightfully so. Madoka’s wish to become a cosmic force that can take on all the despair of magical girls before they become witches at the cost of her own mortal life has many strong parallels to Jesus suffering on the cross to redeem humanity. However that idea only works if Jesus is suffering. Madoka is stated to be taking the grief of every magical girl who ever became a witch onto herself and we even see a far future version of her becoming a witch large enough to destroy the world. But before it does it is shot down by another version of a truly ascended Madoka in a white dress. This version states paradoxically that since her wish applies to all magical girls that would become witches, that includes herself. The fluidity of time and direct denial of the necessity of suffering or sacrifice are at odds with Orthodox Chriastianity, or at least its perception of Jesus. Rather I argue that the way Madoka saves all the magical girls, her subsequent erasure from existence, and even such mundane symbols such as the white dress all link her closer to the Bodhisattva, Kannon. 

Let’s take a closer look at the scene where we see Madoka actually ascends and manifests to relieve the potential witches of their grief. We see Madoka split herself into thousands shafts of light, all of which appear above different suffering magical girls in different places and time periods. And above all of them Madoka appears, she touches their corrupted soul gems which are then purified before shattering, allowing the magical girls to die in peace. A rather sad ending, but one that’s better than rebirth as a witch, which we already identified as equivalent to the hell realm. So while it is unclear where the magical girls are going to go after they die (or even if they go anywhere at all as we just saw the gems holding their souls shatter, possibly destroying them), we can know that Madoka is saving them from a worse rebirth. This directly parallels miracle tales that surround the Bodhisattva Kannon, especially in her Chinese incarnation as the white-robed Guanyin. 

Kannon is the primary example of Bodhisattva or one who has put off Budhahood to aid those still on earth. Kannon in particular swears to never ascend until all living things have been freed of samsara. She’s often depicted as having 11 heads and a thousand arms to better reach all those suffering in the world at once, like how Madoka splits herself into a myriad of forms. Many of these tales have devotees of Guanyin spared from tragic fates such as beheadings or shipwrecks. However a few, adapt these stories to instead refer to a more metaphorical salvation, especially in the pure land tradition popular in Japan which then says that anyone who calls out to Kannon on the verge of their death will be still die and be reborn to the pure land rather than wherever else they were supposed to reincarnate. Madoka’s god form even highly resembles the Chinese incarnation, Guanyin. Wikipedia states, “Guanyin is generally portrayed as a young woman wearing a flowing white robe, and usually also necklaces symbolic of Indian or Chinese royalty. In her left hand is a jar containing pure water, and the right holds a willow branch.” While we never see Madoka with any water; the flowing white dress, red gems along her collar bone, and branch-like bow (though on that seems to be more of a sakura branch) all bring to mind Guanyin.

Finally Madoka’s ascension ends with her body dissolving into glimmers of light as she explains how no one will remember her, but she’ll still be there. This dissolution of the her spiritual body is a visual symbol of ego-death. Madoka recreates a word where she does not exist, and had never existed, yet still manifests as a concept and virtuous force that leads others to salvation rather than as a sentient entity. This is the Nirvana. Madoka hadn’t just ascended to godhood, she had surpassed it and achieved nothingness, as her buddha nature radiates throughout the world, ultimately changing it into something better. This is the paradox of Buddhism and the goal of any buddhist practitioner, to achieve an inner peace so strong you become a part of the universe like madoka had. And the new world she created was better for it. 

That is at least until the show decided to  make a movie sequel and trick madoka into descending. At that point she stops acting as a Buddha and instead as Pistis Sophia in line with the obscure belief system of 2nd century Gnostics. But that will be a conversation for another time. 

[officialmadokism]

Monthly Reading - August

August - Red/Pink 1st - Purple/Orange 31st - Red/Red 1st Moon -  Waxing Gibbous (94%) 31st Moon -  Waxing Gibbous (97%) (Note: two readings have been made for this month. If you want one a little more relevant to current events, scroll down!) August carries an unusually strong energy this year, with the last day being fully red and both of our endcap moons being nearly full. Sacrifice and Hope are already the energies that flow through the entirety of these 31 days, but to see them given such an excessive boost is almost frightening! Almost being the key word here. The first of the month is marked in Love and Joy, ensuring a strongly positive energy for the time ahead of us. All combined together, this has some very interesting implications. The first thing to examine is the dynamic between Kyoko and Madoka, as well as their aspect’s relation to eachother. Indeed, it’s an interesting one either way; Kyoko was undeniably an important piece of the puzzle in what ultimately lead to Madoka’s final wish. From the moment they met, their two personalities were shown in full color; Kyoko showed herself as ruthless and uncaring to the ones she had to sacrifice to gain what she wanted, and Madoka showed herself as endlessly kind, so certain that there had to be a way that all magical girls could work together, even with someone like Kyoko. Seemingly completely on the other end from eachother, Kyoko was just as much an opposite to Madoka as she was to Sayaka. With their next notable meeting, already we saw a new aspect to them both. Without Kyoko taking on Sayaka’s challenge, Madoka would never have thrown a soul gem away, and the truth of a Magical Girl’s existance would not have been revealed. What’s to be noted here is that Madoka didn’t just stand back and watch like expected, and Kyoko also pushed back expectation, too upset by the revelation to continue the fight.  These changes continue into their next meeting; one might notice that Madoka has been there for most of Kyoko and Sayaka’s meetings as magical girls. Kyoko certainly did; with Sayaka turned to a witch, she knew that she could never get through to her, but surely Madoka could? They shared the hope to see Sayaka alive again, and so agreed to work together. Madoka’s inaction was finally changing to action; even though she couldn’t fight, she could call out and put everything she could into calling Sayaka back to them. More notably, Kyoko was no longer devaluing human life, instructing Homura to get Madoka out of the labyrinth before she committed her final sacrifice; herself. The two had an enormous effect on eachother, even if Sayaka had been the center of it all. and without any blue here to draw attention to her, we can focus on the two. This effect couldn’t be any more emphasized than the simple fact that of the two people Madoka spoke to before finally becoming hope, Kyoko was the second, affirming her decision and showing full support. With Kyoko’s blessing, Madoka was able to make the very same sacrifice; Herself. So character-wise, we can already see the energy coming to us this month; Unlikely connections having a direct impact on eachother and causing massive change. and really, this is very fitting; Sacrifice is inescapably tied to hope. our sacrifices are born out of our hopes; we give up one thing to achieve another. even the ones that create despair are born of hope, if you think about it; the man who sacrifices 1000 lives for the advantage in a war is hoping this will bring him closer to winning. and often times, our hopes will require sacrifice in order to be achieved. our time, our energy, our relationships.. you can lose quite a bit in your path towards the future you want.  Change often requires Loss. neither of these things are necessarily bad, but they do carry with them bad connotations; we often think about the changes we didn’t like, and the losses we long to regain. this is why the combination of red and pink can be such a forboding thing.... and yet, perhaps we should have more hope than that. Love and Joy are starting our month out, and that promises good things; a reason for our sacrifices, a fuel for our hopes. the love we feel for our fellow people, for our planet, for our homes? that’s such a powerful feeling; it drives us forward and ignites the other aspects with a flair that cannot be denied. and the Joy is brings us is what we’re really hoping for in the first place, isn’t it? is there not a spark of happiness in our determination? a smile waiting for us in that bright future we seek? Face this month with two certainties; that much will be lost, and that we are going to make it worth it. even if it’s in the long run, we will not let our hopes be extinguished.

[ikhnyshy]

Drabble Request: Shicca; Rebecca running on a treadmill while connected to a heart monitor as part of a stress test, the stress proving too much for Rebecca's heart, resulting in a massive heart attack/cardiac arrest and Shiki must revive her. Feel free to tweak this to your liking.

Sorry for taking so long to publish this. I hope you like the story :)

Request #2Fandom: Edens Zero | Pairing: SHICCA| One-shot |

Heart Attack 

“Is it serious?” Rebecca asked worriedly after watching Sister’s serious countenance for long minutes.

“I don’t understand,” the android replied, shaking her head sideways “It seems like you have a lot of stress,” she continued, and then looked at her with a mocking smile “What could make someone like you worry so much”?“

Rebecca looked away and scratched her cheek as she thought about everything she had lived in those months as a crew member of the Edens Zero. It’s a curious thing that Sister asked that question, she knew very well the number of situations they went through since the ship started working again.

“You have to take more care of yourself. We don’t want you to have a heart attack here on the ship.” She warned her, closing the screens where the different results of her studies were displayed.

"A heart attack?” Exclaimed alarmed the B-Cuber “That sounds serious”

“Don’t get upset or you’ll have one right now.” Ivry laughed amusedly and from one of her drawers she pulled out a small rectangular device that she handed to the blonde.

“Put this on as if it is a watch. Go to the gym and get on one of the treadmills.” Rebecca took the object and placed it as she was indicated, the device turned on and its screen showed her the image of a heart beating “I will see you in half an hour ”

“Gym?” The girl asked puzzled “Do we have that?”

“Well of course,” Said the android smiling ” There are more rooms besides the dining room and the bathrooms, you know? ”

"I admit it, I didn’t explore the entire ship”

“I know where that is, Miss Rebecca” offered Pino, who had witnessed Rebecca’s entire study routine “I can guide you,” 

“Thank you, Pino”

“By the way,” Sister intervened before the other two left. “Try not to talk or stress yourself while doing the exercise or the results ​​will be altered.”

“Okay. Thanks, Sister ”

…

"It’s amazing,” Rebecca exclaimed when they entered the gym. Like everything in the Edens Zero, the training room was very well equipped with advanced and modern technology. Rebecca wondered if Weisz and Hermit were also investigating in that room.

“Rebecca!” She heard her name being called and was surprised to see Shiki on one of the stationary bikes. “Are you gonna do some exercise too?”

“I didn’t expect to find anyone here,” she said absently and smiled at her partner. “Sister sent me to do a study.”

The boy stopped pedaling and followed her around the room with a curious attitude. Rebecca approached the row of treadmills in front of the huge window that opened to a splendid view of the space. The girl admired the starry landscape, thinking it would be very relaxing to walk on those devices enjoying the extension of stars…

“What is that?” She diverted her attention from space and noticed that Shiki was too close, pointing at the gear tied to her wrist. For some reason, the boy’s sudden closeness made her heart jump and the object gave a short squeak.

“Sister gave it to me,” she replied, surprised by the sudden noise. “It’s to do some studies”

“Studies?” He asked, inclining his head. “What’s that?”

“Haven’t you had your routine examination?” She asked worriedly.

“Not that I remember” Shiki shrugged dismissing the issue “What do you have to do?”

Rebecca climbed on the treadmill and started to walk. The action was as relaxing as she had expected. On her wrist, the device began to collect the data by changing the heart diagram to one of an irregular wave that followed the rhythm of her heartbeats …

“I just have to walk” She answered the previous question and watched through the huge window, admiring the progression of the ship through space. If she ignored the gym environment, walking while watching the stars felt as if she were floating in the space surrounded by the huge Sakura cosmos.

“Do you know what would be fantastic?” Shiki’s voice distracted her again, Rebecca turned her gaze to her partner who was smiling immensely. Again the device emitted a high pitched sound, a little longer than the previous one.

“Master Shiki” Pino intervened shyly “Miss Rebecca can’t speak while doing the exercise”

“Uh?” Shiki watched the little android “Why not?”

“The results could be altered if she is stressed”

But Rebecca already felt somewhat stressed, or at least her heart seemed anxious. Pino explained to the Demon King the conditions Sister had given for the study, while she tried to control her suddenly rapid heartbeat.

“If she gets too stressed, she could have a heart attack,” Pino finished raising one of her little fingers to emphasize her last sentence. Shiki’s expression darkened and he turned his head to look at his friend. Rivers of tears began to leave his eyes and a shriek of anguish escaped his lips …

“Noooo! Don’t stress, Rebecca! “He whined outrageously. "I don’t want to lose my friend! ”

Rebecca smiled kindly, moved by her partner’s reaction. Seeing him so distraught by a possibility as remote as a heart attack seemed kind of tender.

She felt a pleasant warmth that spread across her chest, but before she could say anything to calm Shiki, that same warm feeling seemed to squeeze her heart.

A stabbing pain attacked her from the chest, a violent and unexpected oppression that caused her to lose control of her actions. She stopped walking, paralyzed by the affliction in her chest, the movement of the treadmill made her lose her balance and the last thing she knew was the sensation of falling through a deep dark hole…

…

Instinct kicked immediately and Shiki managed to catch her before Rebecca fell to the ground and hurt herself.

But his intuition did not help him at that moment, despair began to invade him, unsure of what to do to help his friend. Pino must have noticed his nervous breakdown because the little android acted quickly and the Demon King could not be more grateful for her presence at that moment…

“Master, I downloaded information about heart attacks,” the little robot said, sounding confident, but there was still some concern on her face. “You must lay Rebecca on the floor and we must apply CPR immediately.”

“CPR? What is that? ”He was still scared, his hands shaking and tears threatening to sprout, but Shiki knew it wasn’t time for that, he had to do CRP, CPR or whatever its name was.

“It’s a procedure,” the android replied simply and unbuttoned Rebecca’s shirt with a quick movement. “I am too little to do it, master. You must do it ”

“Just tell me what to do”

Pino explained patiently that he had to put his hands together on the girl’s chest and press quickly and hard repeatedly.

Shiki obeyed the instructions. He watched his friend’s face, hoping to see signs of conscience, but she remained unchanged since falling from the treadmill. He repeated the procedure, his despair increasing with each pressure that didn’t wake her up.

“You’re doing well,” the droid said, noticing the anguish that invaded him, but Shiki couldn’t calm down despite her words. Repeated pressures were depleting him and the lack of results made him desperate. Time seemed to pass slowly and quickly at unbearable vertigo.

“Help!” He finally shouted as he continued with the repetitions on Rebecca’s chest. “Pino, call the others, please,” he begged, his voice dyed in despair. “I need help”

Shiki needed the rest of his friends, he needed to have them there, helping Rebecca. He didn’t understand what was happening or what he was doing. The only thing Shiki knew at the moment was that he had his friend in trouble and he couldn’t help her.

Despair brought impotence and the Demon King was about to lose the battle against an invisible enemy he could not face with his Ether Gear. He stopped doing compressions and lowered his head to cradle it between her friend’s breasts.

“Shiki?” Rebecca’s weak voice made him raise his head in a swift movement. “What happened?”

“Rebecca!” He exclaimed joyfully and threw himself on her to hug her, bursting with happiness at seeing her awake.

“Master, you have to be more careful” He heard Pino say, but Shiki couldn’t help it. He had been so worried that his friend… Rebecca wouldn’t wake up.

“Hey! Don’t do that!” The girl complained when the Demon King sank his face between her breasts again, “Shiki! ” She started pushing him away from her, embarrassed by a position so intimate that didn’t seem to bother the boy at all.

"I was so worried,” he said, tears falling on his partner’s blue bra. “I didn’t know what to do.” Rebecca stopped pushing him. She remained still and tense for a few moments and then relaxed, embracing her partner, returning the affectionate gesture he gave her.

“I’m fine, Shiki,” she said kindly and he clung even more to her waist.

“When I said you shouldn’t stress…” Sister’s voice flooded the silent atmosphere of the gym. Shiki raised his head to see the android entering the room followed by Weisz and Homura  “… I didn’t expect you would look for this kind of relaxation" Shiki noticed that Rebecca’s cheeks turned exaggeratedly red, the boy inclined his head uncertain of why she reacted like this “We must admit that it is a very effective method to combat stress”

Rebecca covered her chest by closing her shirt quickly. Weisz already had a perverted smile on his face and his eyes kept looking at the blonde girl’s shirt.

“I can also help you relax, Rebecca” He volunteered, but only received an elbow in the stomach, courtesy of Sister.

“It seems an interesting method,” Homura commented quietly, but everyone heard her perfectly.

“Miss Rebecca had a heart attack.” Pino informed Sister “Master Shiki helped her by applying CPR”

“Very good, Demon King” Congratulated the android nurse of the ship “I see you have proceeded efficiently” Sister brought her hands to her hips and smiled mockingly “You can be our honorary nurse”

“I want to be an honorary nurse too!” Weisz offered only to receive another nudge.

Rebecca removed the watch-shaped device from her wrist and handed it to Sister. The android looked at the object seriously and nodded.

“I will examine the study’s data,” she said and then looked discreetly at Shiki. “Meanwhile, you can continue with your own methods … I think they will be more effective.”

“Can you stop that? It is not what you believe! Nothing happened!”

While Sister and Weisz continued to tease Rebecca with their comments, Shiki watched his partner seriously. The fright he suffered didn’t let him relax with his companions, worry still tormented him. Staring at Rebecca, with his characteristic determination, the Demon King promised himself that he would protect his friend from all the threats that might affect her, both the enemies he has to face with his fists and any other condition that might exist.

He would be with her regardless of anything and be her unconditional protector.

Thanks for reading!

Special thanks to @alelysmar83 who beta read this story both in English and Spanish. Thank you!!!!

[wheremytwinwatches]

[Where My Twin Watches]: PMMM Rebellion - Part 8

Last time on Rebellion: YES

The truth came to light, each of the Magical Girls got their moments to shine, Madoka once again found the Third Way (Let Homura kill herself to set them free/Kill Homura to free the others/Screw that, shoot out the ceiling and hug it out with the bae), and the Incubators got fucked up. Hot damn but that was satisfying.

We pick up after Madoka’s Arrow Rain, the surrounding area utterly devastated with not a single Bunny-Cat to be seen. Homura’s still out cold, lying on some sort of slab while holding her bow (I think? I know her post-Madokami weapon is a bow, but might be a staff of some sort). A Soul Gem enters? Mami places it on Homura’s sleeping form, it looks rather beat up from the Incubator’s experiment. Also, blue? I thought Homura’s color was purple.

Flutes pick up as more Redeemed Familiars gently set down the Muggles who were trapped in the Labyrinth (hey, I recognize these ones, they were in the Suicide Cult Labyrinth and appeared to tear apart Madoka. Brrr.). Some students, the Teacher, and Madoka’s family! Hey guys!

Meanwhile, Kyoko’s Batgirling on some rubble, looking out over the desert. Yeah, she did just get to hold hands with Sayaka (*squeeee!*), but now the Paladin’s job is over, isn’t it? Back to Magical Girl heaven. Same with Bebe/Nagisa/whatever her name is.

[Mami]: “No. They’re finally taking her away with them.”

What. What. Is you serious? Yes yes yes yes YES!

Loophole abuse! -Madokami leaves Magical Girls on Earth to fight Wraiths, takes away those who are about to become Witches -Homura Witchified inside her Soul Gem, remained an almost-Witch in the real world -Requirement for Magical Girl Heaven met!

[Madokami]: “Now I remember. I came here for Homura.”

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS! We’ve got some Last Battle of Narnia feels going on here! Further up and further in…

Nagisa and Sayaka are here too, driving one of Walpurgisnacht’s carts. Nothing but the finest chauffeur services for Homura.

Homura wakes up to see the Welcome Wagon, her friends standing by, and then Madokami in all her glory.

[Madokami]: “I’m sorry for making you wait so long. You’ve worked so hard all this time.”

[Homura]: “Madoka…”

Finally. Finally. The feels, you guys. The feels!

[Madokami]: “Now, let’s go. We’ll always be together from now on.”

Wait. What’s with the head turn. Why shadows

[Homura]: “Yes. We will.”

Homura what

[Homura]: “I’ve waited so long for this moment.”

Whats with the closeups why the deep tone and shadows why smirk what

HOMURA WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT WHY ARE YOU GRABBING MADOKAMI’S WRISTS

[Madokami]: “H-Homura.”

RED ALERT RED ALERT MADOKAMI IS SHOCKED MADOKAMI IS ALARMED

[Homura]: “I’ve finally…”

Homura’s Soul Gem just turned pitch black what no why despair now what

[Homura]: “caught you.”

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!

Yeah, I’m with you girls, what’s going on? Technicolor lights are spilling from the Soul Gem, music is picking up. Crap crap crap.

Her Soul Gem has changed color? “Worse than a curse?” So this technicolor stuff is worse than Black Despair? What is it then? Desire? Obsession?

Oh hell.

[Homura]: “It’s only natural that you don’t understand. Yes… no one in the world could possibly understand. This emotion is mine alone.”

Oh my Madokami, would you stop being emo for five seconds.

[Homura]: “It is for Madoka alone.”

Um, Homura’s Soul Gem is beginning to crack. And so is the surrounding area?

Hell, are they still in the Labyrinth?

Madokami is pleading with Homura (freaking pleading, what is this), saying that she’ll be ripped apart-

Ripped apart. Oh no. I see it now.

Ranubis said:[Madoka]: “You know how wimpy I am. And because I could never bear to do something that would make someone as strong as you cry like this.” Homura is saying that she understands, that she made a stupid mistake? [Homura]: “I shouldn’t have allowed that to happen. That no matter what I would’ve had to do, I should have stopped you back then.”

This was planned. This is Homura’s savior complex. She devoted herself to saving Madoka. In the end, Madoka saved her. But she intends to “save” Madoka. From herself.

Madokami DAMN it Homura!

The cracks have now struck Madokami, splitting into images of her human and Ascended forms.

[Homura]: “I told you, Madoka. I’ll never let you go again.”

Homura clutches Madoka as her Soul Gem shatters, this weird blotchy technicolor spreading out to cover all the Magical Girls. Then the Cracks and Colors continue to spread, covering the desert. Then the planet. Then onwards and outwards through space, covering the galaxy (that’s not the Milky Way? Or just a bad angle?). Finishing as a circle, a sigil of some sort.

A spool of pink thread falls.

Homura stands against a red-and-yellow background, Mysterious Transfer Student-ing it up. Then she… spits out her Soul Gem? I thought it nope guess it breaks here as she bites down on it. The pink thread reforms as some mix of a black chess piece and a purple crystal ball. Homura grabs it-

Ah. Incubator. Kinda telling that things have gotten so fucked up that that’s all the reaction I can muster for Bunny-Cat.

[Incubator]: “The world is being rewritten. Does this mean a new principle has been born into this universe?”

Now Homura’s got the “Voice from Everywhere” thing going on. She’s telling the Incubator(s) floating around that this is the second time she’s been here.

[Incubator]: “I don’t believe this. Your curse-blackened Soul Gem should have vanished along with your soul. So why…?” [Homura]: “Because I finally remembered. All the times I repeated history, got hurt and suffered over and over, all of that was proof of my feelings for Madoka. So now, even pain is dear to me. It’s no longer curses that soil my Soul Gem.” [Incubator]: “Then what does?” [Homura]: “Something that you have no chance of understanding, Incubator. It is the pinnacle of all human emotion. More passionate than hope, far deeper than despair.”

Homura what are you doing with the Chess-Orb? Eating it. Apparently.

Ah. It seems that Homura has pulled a Madoka, found a Third Way. -Hope, for Magical Girls. -Despair, for Witches. -”Love”, for whatever she is now.

Now Homura’s dressing up oh ok wow that is a thing.

[Demon!Homura]: “Indeed… As I am now, I’m not even a witch anymore. She was as sacred as a god, and I pulled her from heaven and undermined her. A being that could perform such feats could only be called a demon, I suppose?"

Seeing how Homura’s acting, the Incubator swears off human emotion. Bit late for that, dude. Demon!Homura grabs it, tells it that they’re sticking around to handle all the curses of the world now.

We get flashes of galaxies as I struggle to comprehend everything that’s happened. Then, back to earth.

Homura (in a much more sensible outfit) is sitting at a table. Ignored by the passing students? Mami’s walking by, there’s a brief shot of a Familiar moving behind a falling rose petal. Mami raises a hand, then Homura knocks a cup to the ground. Mami turns at the sound, but there’s no-one there. She looks into her hand, and sees a black feather. Does she remember- GAH GOTH KIDS JUST CROSSED SCREEN

Now some of Homura’s bird Familiars, they’re eating at an apple held by- wait, Kyoko? Food girl is willingly feeding wild animals. What is wrong with this topsy-turvy world Homura’s made?! Then she apparently sees more of the Goth Kids, throws an apple but Homura shakes her head and it falls into the stream instead. Kyoko looks startled by this.

Now it’s Sayaka’s turn. But she sees Homura?

[Sayaka]: “Do you realize what you’ve done?” [Homura]: *Turns, earring glints* “I see. Looks like you understand what’s happened, Sayaka Miki.” [Sayaka]: “You’ve broken off a part of the Law of the Cycle! The power of salvation that was the hope of all the magical girls!” [Homura]: “All I took was a tiny piece of it. Just the records of the person that Madoka was before she ceased to exist. Somehow, all of you wound up being pulled in as well, and it seems you can’t return to wherever you were before.”

Uh, yeah? Because I’m pretty sure you overwrote the last galaxy.

Sayaka’s pissed, asking what right Homura had to do all this. Homura… straight up says her alignment is now Evil, that’s she’s the Antagonist of the world.

Uh, scene of a bunch of Goth kids surrounded by shoes, jumping off… yeah, I know enough about Japanese culture to know what that is.

Homura’s all “only natural I upset the laws set down by a god.” Madoka- or now Devilura damn it, this really was Homura rebelling against Madoka, wasn’t it.

Sayaka asks if Homura intends to destroy the universe, not even moving as she summons Octavia behind her. Alright, still got your powers I see. Not sure how effective they’ll be against this new Homura, but…

Homura does a hair-flip, says that maybe she will once all the Wraiths have been destroyed. Uh, what?

[Homura]: “When that time comes, I suppose I can be your enemy. But do you think you’ll be able to stand against me, Sayaka Miki?”

All these shots of Homura have been of half-closed eyes, and looking at her now I can only describe her as tired. Still, far from weak. She claps her hands, and Octavia instantly disappears as Sayaka slumps.

[Homura]: “Even now, your memories are gradually changing, are they not?”

Shot of Nagisa running through falling black feathers, laughing. Sayaka grits her teeth, says that she “thinks” she was part of a larger being before.

[Homura]: “Why don’t you simply enjoy the happiness from getting another chance to live a human life?”

So wait, in your new world they aren’t Magical Girls then? What, you’re just setting the Incubators on the Wraiths?

Even as Homura calmly tells her that all this will seem natural someday, Sayaka insists that she will always remember that Homura is a demon. Homura just smiles, and says that they should pretend to be friends in daily life. After all, don’t want to upset Madoka, do they?

Goth Kids are running around, throwing tomatoes at Homura. Yes good there’s a part of you that knows this is wrong, listen to it!

And with that we’re back to Sayaka in the “real world”, watching students and Nagisa go by. A “good morning” from Hitomi and Kyosuke. And she cries? But not from sadness, but from happiness that she can see them again.

Wait, flash of her Magical Girl ring? So she still has her powers?

In class, Teacher is ranting about boyfriends fussing over breakfast as Homura looks out the window. But Teach says there’s a new Transfer Student? But Homura’s already here-

[Teacher]: “Come on in, Miss Kaname!”

Ah. That got Homura’s attention. Madoka enters, says that Mother got assigned overseas so the family’s been living in America for three years.

Later, the girls in class are asking Madoka about her American life. Madoka’s a bit sheepish but not as shy as I expecte-

[Homura]: “Everyone, you’ll tire Miss Kaname out, bombarding her with questions like that.”

The girls scatter, and Homura “introduces” herself to Madoka. And “offers” to show her around the school. Ah, reversal of the Hallway Scene then. Obviously Madoka’s a little confused at why this strange girl is pushing for first names already and leading her around.

[Madoka]: “No, it actually seems like absolutely nothing has changed. In fact, if I had to pick the one thing that had changed, I’d say it was me.”

Homura comes to a stop in the Hallway. And seems very upset at Madoka’s comment.

Madoka goes on, saying she should have a different form, a different role. Sudden swirls of light around Madoka, is she fighting it off?! Come on, you can do it!

But no. Homura grabs her.

[Homura]: “It’s all right. You are exactly what you truly are.”

We’re back in the Hallway.

[Homura]: “Madoka Kaname. Do you treasure this world? Do you consider stability and order more important than desire?” [Madoka]: “Well, I…Um...I-I do treasure it. I guess I do think it’s kind of bad to break rules because you feel like it.” [Homura]: “I see. Then I suppose someday, you will become my enemy as well.”

Homura removes her ribbon- ah. That’s the ribbon that Madoka gave her before. Now she’s giving it back.

[Homura]: “But I don’t care. Because even then, I will continue to wish for a world in which you will be happy.”

Yeah, absent of context I’m sure that Madoka is utterly confused and kinda concerned right now.

The sun sets of Mitakihara City. Sayaka steals pocky from Kyoko in the courtyard. Mami races forward to save Nagisa from falling boxes of cheese. In House Kaname, Madoka moves boxes with her family. And in the sky overhead, a stone turns.

Credits.

Post-credits. Night, the hill where I originally thought Homura was being brainwashed by Madoka (HAH). Homura sits on a chair, on half of a hill. Same with the moon, perfect semi-circle. Grass rustles, Homura turns to see the silhouette of the Incubator. Homura summons her Chess-Orb, and then dances to the music past WHAT that’s the beat-up form of the Incubator. Then she falls off the hill. Closeup of the Incubator, with matted fur andshaking eyes.

“The End.” … … … FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

[ridiasfangirlings]

K canon ended in one big tragedy and because of emotional instability Slate kinda “granted wish” so every time Fushimi fails everything rewinds back to starting point, even tho powers and knowledge don’t disappear. Endless trials and errors, and Fushimi actually becomes depressed fatalist who can’t fix anything and it’s all returning to same ending. He didn’t notice how with every loop his powers grow and to prevent repeating he dies himself while fixing everything with his god like power.

Fushimi Saruhiko as Akemi Homura, more or less XD Poor Fushimi, imagine him just repeating the world's shittiest day over and over again. Actually what if by 'starting point' the Slate actually sent him back to the day Totsuka died and he has to start from there. The first time it isn't so bad and Fushimi even has some determination to fix things – like imagine in the initial timeline everything ended in tragedy, Shiro failed at destroying the Slate and Munakata's Sword falls, killing everyone in the vicinity. However just before the Sword hits the ground Fushimi looks up and thinks that this is such a pain and how it's too late to go back and fix things. Even as he thinks that though his heart is responding strongly, like for a moment he thought things were getting better and he and Yata would be friends again and they would all survive and now that it's ending despite himself he wishes he could change things. The Slate responds to this wish, suddenly lighting up in all colors – oh maybe Hisui still dies somehow and Fushimi has the capacity for becoming both Green and Blue King, his wish combined with these two powers causes the Slate to grant him his wish and Fushimi wakes up in his dorm back at Scepter 4, on the night of Totsuka's murder.

At first Fushimi thinks maybe he just had the weirdest dream but then hours later he's woken up and told that Totsuka's been killed. As things progress Fushimi realizes that maybe his 'dream' wasn't actually a dream after all, something that's confirmed when he tries to summon the Green power and realizes that it's still there inside him, he still has it from when Hisui gave it to him during the installation even though that shouldn't have happened yet. Fushimi's irritated that here he has to do things over again but he figures he might as well try to stop everything from going to shit. This time around he does manage to save Mikoto's life but then that leads to other troubles because Munakata kills Colorless and Mikoto's Sword is still unstable and maybe in this go around at the end when they're fighting Hisui both Munakata's and Mikoto's Swords fall at the same time. Fushimi looks up at the impending doom with a bitter smile, thinking that he really screwed this one up huh, what a failure.

And he wakes up again, back in his bed, on the night of Totsuka's death. Fushimi swears and jumps out of bed, ordering a helicopter to take him to the Hirasaka building where he saves Totsuka's life and thinks maybe this time he's fixed everything. It still doesn't work though, like just imagine Fushimi saves Totsuka and then is woken up the next evening by Akiyama telling him a Homra member has been killed. Fushimi clicks his tongue like that idiot why did I even save him and then Akiyama reports that Yata Misaki has been killed by someone calling themselves the Colorless King. Fushimi's fingers dig into his palms and he storms out of the dorm, swearing. Maybe in this timeline Fushimi just decides fuck it and doesn't do anything to stop all the tragedy coming, he just lets everything go to shit because either the world repeats again and he can save Misaki this time or the world ends and it may as well, if Misaki isn't there Fushimi doesn't care what happens to the world.

So everything continues repeating and repeating and obviously it wears away at Fushimi because he's not just repeating a day or a week he's repeating a year and seeing the same mistakes made over and over. What he doesn’t notice is that he keeps getting stronger each loop, like the Slate is feeding him more and more power and maybe the last boss (so to speak) turns out to be Fushimi himself, standing over everyone when his own Sword of Damocles appears in the air, larger than anyone else's and twisted in colors of blue and red and green and black, crumbling to pieces and ringed with barbed wire, just a mess that gets worse and worse each time Fushimi fails to save everyone. Even as his powers get stronger he starts to fall more and more into despair and the timeline that will stick now isn't the one where Fushimi saves everyone else, it's the one where everyone else saves Fushimi.

[raincoastgamer]

Anime Ramble: Puella Magi Madoka Magica

Magical Girl anime have this tendency to provoke a binary reaction. Either you see Magical Girls on the promo material and want to watch the show, or else you don’t. So, I’d like to preface this bout of gushing-about-a-show-that-I-watched by saying that your initial reaction to seeing the below poster should be discarded and you should just watch this show.

No, really, I think it’s safe to say that if you have an initial gut reaction of “I’m not interested” then you are probably going to appreciate this show quite a bit, while those who are avid fans of the Magical Girl genre might actually end up being put off by their expectations. Not because of what this show is, but rather by what this show isn’t.

In the same way that everyone knows that Darth Vader is Luke’s father or that a certain noble from the North loses their head, there are some story twists which percolate into the general cultural consciousness due to sheer popularity and end up becoming common knowledge. Puella Magi Madoka Magica is a series which blew up to such popularity in 2011 that you’ve probably seen the characters somewhere before even if you don’t watch a lot of anime. You’ve probably also seen this little guy

around, often in the context of memes in which either 1) he tries to get people to make a contract or 2) people inflict violence on him and his smug little face never changes.

So while I want to say that Madoka Magica will surprise you when it pulls a left turn into darkness and despair, not only have I just ruined that specific surprise for you but the internet at large more than likely already did that job for me. Not only was this show popular, which translates into a more widespread awareness of its overall tone and some of its twists, other more recent shows have pulled a similar deception. Only last year did we have Made in Abyss, which I haven’t seen yet but which I understand exists for the sole purpose of having cute kids set off on an exciting adventure only to be eaten alive by Uncle Lovecraft’s Happy Fun Time Cave. If you’ve been around the anime niches of the internet or, like me, have a former otaku for a sister then you know from the onset that this show is far more than meets the eye based on reputation alone.

To start with, take a good look at the promotional material for this show, such as the trailer. The production team did their damndest to ensure that from the outside the show would look like the most derivative Magical Girl show ever made, up to and including keeping Gen Urobuchi’s involvement in the production a secret. Gen Urobuchi (aka ButchGen aka The Urobutcher) is a writer who is known for being a bit of a downer, having been involved in projects such as Fate/Zero and Psycho-Pass. He’s very outspoken when it comes to his distaste for heroic archetypes played straight and his tendency to drag his characters through the mud, so his presence as the show’s writer was what you might call a dead giveaway.

So what happens when a writer like this tackles a genre known for being all about hope, courage, and the power of friendship and love? There are many people who argue that Madoka Magica deconstructs the Magical Girl anime (Magical Girl Warrior subgenre) as codified by Sailor Moon or Cardcaptor Sakura. Some even say it’s the Neon Genesis Evangelion of the Magical Girl genre. As NGE showed us just how psychologically messed up a Giant Robot show would be if populated by actual human beings, Madoka Magica is about how having child combatants fight monsters in an urban environment with no support network does not make a well-adjusted childhood.

The effects of this kind of pressure and isolation on a bunch of adolescents is one of the elements of Madoka Magica, but fighting monsters with magic isn’t the only thing that makes a Magical Girl story. They’re traditionally as much coming-of-age stories as they are stories about definitions of femininity and self-determination. Madoka Magica has the trappings of a MG show: an all-loving protagonist, a dark and aloof rival, a tomboy friend, a non-magical friend, transformation sequences, fighting against the manifestations of dark emotions, and a cute(?) mascot. It’s talking the talk, but at its heart this is not a story about Magical Girl stories in the same way NGE was about Giant Robot anime (that’s what Revolutionary Girl Utena is for). It certainly plays with many common elements of the Magical Girl anime, but at its heart Madoka Magica is about hope, despair, idealism and selfishness. It’s a psychological drama and grand tragedy. It just happens to be wearing a Magical Girl outfit.

Which is not to say that one is superior to the other, of course. Just set your expectations accordingly if you’re already a Magical Girl fan. If you’re not, well, you might be in luck...

Twelve episodes isn’t a whole lot of time and Madoka Magica does a lot in those twelve episodes, so while I’m willing to spoil the tone of the story discussing the plot itself is a bit trickier. Kaname Madoka is our pink-haired milquetoast protagonist who doesn’t think she’s anything special, and just wants to make friends with everyone. We’re introduced to her via dream sequence, where she witnesses a dark-haired girl fighting against an enemy ravaging the city. A strange white bunny-cat creature asks Madoka to make a contract and become a magical girl, and then she wakes up. It turns out that when not dreaming of plot foreshadowing, Madoka has a pretty good life; a cool mom, a loving dad and good friends. But today it turns out the new transfer student at school - Akemi Homura - is the same girl from her dream. Homura warns Madoka to never change, to stay exactly as she is if she doesn’t want to lose her friends, family, everything she has ever loved. We wouldn’t have much of a story if Madoka never changed, though, so it isn’t long before the bunny-cat creature from the dream crashes into the narrative as well and introduces himself as Kyubey.

Kyubey offers Madoka and her best friend Sayaka an opportunity: make a contract with him and he will grant a single wish, any wish. In return the wisher receives magic powers and must now fight Witches. Not the pointed-hat, broomstick-riding variety, but rather strange, eldritch beings which bring about despair, death and suicide among ordinary humans. It sounds like a good deal: get magic powers and a superhero job on top of a wish? Who wouldn’t want that? But the catch is that this job is for life. If you’re spending all your free time saving the world, you’re not spending time with friends, getting a boyfriend, even just having fun. Is your wish worth dedicating your life to?

This story has a lot to say about good intentions. Our characters are living pretty good lives, so is there really anything worth giving that up for? Perhaps the wish is better spent on someone who needs it. But, remember, make a wish and you’re essentially fighting on behalf of that wish for the rest of your life. Is what you wish for really what you want, or do you really want some other outcome? Say you wish for a dying friend to heal; do you actually want them healed, or do you really want their eternal gratitude? All the characters in this story have the best intentions, but there’s a gap between intention and execution. If you don’t know what you really want, all the idealism in the world isn’t going to save you from your own regrets.

The phrase “I just wanted what was best” is a damning one. It's key to remember that the characters are adolescent girls, with all the contradictory vulnerability and immovable self-righteousness which comes at that age. It's the age at which ideas of how the world should be collide rudely with how the world actually is, and a person can either deal with it by changing themselves and developing coping mechanisms - healthy or unhealthy - or else break themselves on the impossibility of making their ideals fit with the system. Then again, it might be possible to change the system itself... but that’s a long shot.

At one point Madoka’s mother gives her a piece of advice: if you see your friend hurting themselves while trying to to the right thing, maybe the best thing to do is to do the wrong thing for them to break them out of their self-destructive cycle. After all, they’re all still young, they’re at an age where recovering from mistakes is supposed to be easier than when you’re an adult. But this advice happens to come at the wrong time, because these kids are stuck in a situation where a mistake can cost one’s life.

As it happens the relationship between Madoka and her mother is one of the highlights in the series. Mom is a career-chasing businesswoman who still takes the time to talk to her daughter, and though she may not be working her dream job she’s living life on her own terms and is obviously an inspiration for Madoka. Her relationship with Madoka plays a surprisingly important role in the story, which is a refreshing change since parents are usually a non-factor or killed off for backstory purposes. The rest of the characters fit much more neatly into standard archetypes. Madoka herself has a big heart and wants everyone to get along, while her much more outgoing friend Sayaka is the go-getter who will take on problems head-first. We’re introduced early on to a much more experienced magical girl named Tomoe Mami, and she ends up taking a sort of big sister mentor role. All three of these girls believe in helping and protecting others, though each has their own take on the best way of doing so. Homura on the other hand is the dark and mysterious loner who for some reason is fixated on Madoka. We feel like she’s an antagonist, but another character who enters the story later turns out to be even more hostile. The red to Sayaka’s idealistic blue, this new magical girl feels like the antithesis to the magical girl ideals we’re used to: selfish, violent and hedonistic.

As elemental as each of these characters is, by the end of the story each one ends up in a very different place than where they started - or else had their starting position shifted altogether. Not everyone is what they seem. Homura’s backstory in particular hits like a truck when it finally arrives and ends up being key to the resolution of the plot. That said, Madoka Magica is not a story that goes in for particularly complex characterization. Its twelve-episode runtime forces a fast buildup and resolution. Friendships and other relationships don’t really have the time to mature on screen, and a lot has to be left to subtext or inference. Each character’s arc takes them where they need to go for the story to progress, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Some of these character arcs are desperately tragic tales of misunderstandings and misplaced idealism, but in the end these are still archetypal characters, though perhaps not the archetype you expected. Ultimately, they serve more as conflicting views on the show’s central themes than as the driving force of the story itself. The short length of the show is a weakness, keeping the story from being able to develop the cast as much as would have been ideal.

On the other hand, the show’s compact twelve episode structure is also its strength, and the ‘realism’ of the characters is much less important than what each one represents in the story as a whole. It’s hard to say whether or not Puella Magi Madoka Magica would’ve been able to hit as hard as it does if was any longer. This is a story very much focused on building its plot and keeping a steady pace, layering the tone and atmosphere and absolutely killing it in the aesthetics department. It is a straightforward story when all’s said and done, but it is densely constructed and cohesive. Every element of the show works as part of a whole and builds on the others, the visuals, the cinematography, the music, and even in the way the plot is structured. It’s got no time for cheap fanservice, it makes full use of every moment, and it only gets better on repeat viewings. This isn’t a show that supports casual viewing, and it expects you to be paying as much attention to the way a character is being framed in a shot as to what’s being said (or not said) in the dialogue. This is ultimately a simple story, yes, but it’s dense and constantly being told on multiple layers.

Puella Magi Madoka Magica’s ace in the hole is its mixed-media action scenes. Whenever our characters are fighting a Witch the show pulls a Terry Gilliam and starts doing very strange things with the animation. The medium of the art itself changes, with our cel-animated characters fighting against and among stop-motion objects. Paper cutouts and cotton balls. Lace and embroidery. The effect is unnerving and psychedelic and sometimes overwhelming. It can be difficult to follow the action whenever this happens, but then again these are supposed to be things that aren’t quite in sync with reality, beings which practically run on magic. The fact that these unreal things and spaces are being represented with real-world objects intruding into the animation is a clever touch. It’s an effect that I’ve rarely seen used in anime, and never in an action-heavy context.

(Author’s addendum: I’m aware that director Akiyuki Shinbo’s thing is this mix of visual styles. I do think its usage in Madoka Magica is still notable, if only because it works really well here.)

Even when it’s being more conventional Madoka Magica is visually accomplished. Even though the wide-faced character designs threw me for a loop at first (so wide!) they did eventually grow on me. There’s something about how the eyes look almost penciled-in which keeps them from straying into overly-cutesy territory. The cinematography is likewise superb. Strong, stylized color work drives home tone and emotion. The setting often dwarfs people within vast, empty cityscapes, the background itself being a reflection of the characters’ emotions and the series’ tone. In dialogue-heavy scenes we get momentary flashes of expression and action illustrating what’s happening inside a character’s head, and the framing of characters in a scene tells you everything you need to know about their relationships without saying a word. Whatever else you might think about Madoka Magica, it looks beautiful and tells much of its story visually through color, framing, light and shadow.

Going further than that, the structure of the plot is beautifully constructed as well. You could divide the story into four arcs of three episodes, each following the development of a different character, or else three arcs of four episodes, each one ending with a new point of no return. The third and tenth episodes mirror each other as well, each one shifting the stakes and giving us new context for everything which came before. The reason why this show shines so much brighter on a rewatch is because things that seemed like inconsequential melodrama or lazy writing the first time around take on a whole new meaning once backstory and motivation are revealed. It’s for this reason that I’m not terribly concerned about revealing Puella Magi Madoka Magica’s swerve into darkness; high stakes and dark subject matter are not the only secrets that this series has got up its sleeve. By the end of the story we’re not only dissecting the intentions and desires of our characters, we’re asking hard questions about why this story had to happen the way it did at all, questions which lead to what might be one of the most satisfying conclusions to an anime I’ve ever seen.

That is perhaps what makes Madoka Magica the show that it is. Though the ultimate shape of the story is straightforward, we journey there through layers of twisting color and twisting plot. Though we have our perspective on the events of the story constantly re-contextualized about once an episode, it’s always building to a conclusion that both feels inevitable and yet less likely the closer we get. And when the end does arrive, it takes everything that has happened so far, every mistake, every hope, every good intention gone wrong and it makes them matter. Though the ending is theoretically open ended, it’s entirely self-contained. It has introduced us to a new world, revealed the lies underlying this world, and has shown us what these characters do about it. It raises questions, and in the end tells us what it’s been saying all along. Few shows, anime or otherwise, use such a cohesive combination of visuals, narrative, and music to deliver a message. Beautiful to look at, beautiful to listen to, and beautiful in how it unfolds.

As it turned out, a sequel movie was made anyways. I refuse to provide any comprehensive thoughts on Puella Magi Madoka Magica: Rebellion for now, because doing so runs the risk of being flayed alive by the fandom no matter your take. Suffice it to say that it’s incredibly self-indulgent, visually stunning, and it will make you regret wishing that the ending of the original series could have been happier.

Puella Magi Madoka Magica is beautiful, and you really should watch it.

- Taihus, the wish-granting @raincoastgamer​

(And I somehow manage to write all of this without actually discussing the soundtrack. The thing is, I don’t really know how to critique a soundtrack. It’s good, its use of leitmotifs is masterful and actually brought me to tears in episode 8, Magia represents the show’s true face behind the pleasant pink facade, and I’ve still got Sis Puella Magica stuck in my head.)

[pinkberrypocky]

pmmm rewatch live notes: ep 9

wough. ep 9. wough. the design of sayaka's labyrinth. the way kyoko chooses to die with sayaka. screaming crying throwing up.

THE WAY SAYAKA’S LABYRINTH IS MUSICAL

Earlier when she was in despair but not a witch she was floating in symbolic waves of sadness that looked kinda like music waves

In sayaka’s labyrinth the sword as the conductor wand is SO CRAZY

Bc the conductor is the one who decides how everything goes and what the rules are and sayaka was determining the rules for the world as a warrior of justice but she was wrong

The bugs around the lamps when madoka is on the way to find sayaka !!!

madoka is walking on a railroad track when she comes across homura and kyoko carrying sayaka

There is a railroad motif in her labyrinth

The silence of the train and then the sudden sound of the train as madoka comes to the realization of what happened to sayaka

“From now on for every person she has saved she will curse another” really ties back into the idea that hope and despair cancel out to zero

Homura isn’t able to comfort madoka bc she has been through what madoka is going though countless times and knows crying is pointless

Homura saying that she doesn’t consider herself human and kyoko shouldn't either is so AAAA

Madoka small on her bed with her knees to her chest and kyubey’s giant shadow on the curtain as he looms over her

Why are there so many empty chairs in madoka’s room?

For the past versions of her?

For everyone she will save?

Madoka asks kyubey if the magical girls are just disposable energy sources

Which is exactly what it is

They are a natural resource for the incubators to manipulate, reshape, and commodify with no regard for their humanity

Kyubey moves to sit on a chair… What does this/the chairs represent?

I don’t think madoka truly saw kyubey as an enemy until this episode when he says he doesn’t understand why they are upset about a few people dying

Before that she tried so hard to understand him bc she wants to see the best in everyone and find a path forward together but this is a fundamental difference they can’t meet on

Kyoko is seen eating a shit ton of food right after the whole sayaka thing

Reminding herself that she’s not back in the situation she was with her dad

She’s not poor she is safe and can eat when she is hungry

False sense of security in food

The reason she is always snacking is bc it brings her comfort

Kyoko tells madoka that until they knows for sure that sayaka can’t be saved she wants to try

She isn’t trying to put up the facade that she doesn’t care about others anymore

She is doing something selfless blatantly and doesn’t seem upset about it either

Kyoko says that it was sayaka who reminded her why she became a magical girl in the first place (to save others)

So its so narratively tasty that she dies to “save” sayaka in the only remaining way she can

Kyoko tried to teach sayaka the truth about the horrors life but in turn she was reminded of the good parts by sayaka

In the building kyoko and madoka break into to get to sayaka’s labyrinth is lit in yellow

So interesting how mami dies first but her color shows up the most in setting/objects

Her influence living on and continuing to have an impact on the actions of all of them

Kyoko does what mami tried to do in terms of educating about the magical girl reality 

She tells madoka to wait to make a wish until she has no choice

She is always talking about how tough it is and doesn’t sugar coat anything 

She is seen as an opposite to mami but in reality they are so similar

They are also the only two who have experienced economic hardship

Sayaka’s witch form wears a suit of armor like a knight (like she wished to be)

All the people playing the violin in time perfectly no matter what is happening around them bc sayaka’s whole thing is making sure things play on (and literally that kyosuke can play violin)

The red and blue sayaka and kyoko in kyoko’s internal monologue of talking to/with sayaka is SO AAAAAAA

The only time in this fight that kyoko gets mad is when sayaka attacks madoka 

Bc that shows that sayaka is truly gone bc protecting (esp her loved ones) is everything to her

Kyoko tells homura to focus on the one thing that matters to her most to the end

Homura looks at her with madoka in her arms

Kyoko takes down her hair and kisses her soul gem before breaking it to die w sayaka

In context w the quote from above she is apologizing to herself, what mattered most to her, bc she has found something else that she isn’t willing to give up on, even if it means giving up on herself 

The first time we see homura’s nameplate for her house when she talks w kyoko its red bc they aren’t a team yet then the next time it's lit in yellow bc they are a team now but then when kyoko dies it is just gray

[dreamstormdragon]

Top 10 Female Characters!

Tagged by the awesome @nightwonder7 to do this. So let’s get started! 10 cool gals from 10 fandoms!

1. Red Blood Cell  AE-3803

The newest cause I just started watching Hataraku Saibou/Cells at Work but so far quickly becoming a favorite. She’s a bit ditzy but she’s a brand new blood cell learning about the body she lives in and figuring out where she’s supposed to go. She’s really funny.

2. Princess Serenity / Sailor Moon 

Nostalgia’s coming into play here (and with more on the list to come I assure ya) I loved Sailor Moon when I was a kid, I really looked up to Serena and her friends as characters and their stories stuck with me for years. The transformations, the way they always stuck together. Serena was always my favorite scout though. Moon Prism Power!!!!

3. Honey Lemon!

This gal! Honey Lemon is such a sweet girl, she’s a bit naive about the rougher parts of town but she’s always got her heart in the right place. She has her down moments but she’s always up for a pep talk or worrying about her friends. (Especially Hiro.) She’s just a big sweetie and I love her. 

4. Misty Waterflower!

I grew up with Pokemon. It’s still one of my main fandoms as an adult still, I even play the game competitively. It’s something that’s always been there and I’ve always loved it. Misty was the first Pokegirl I got to know and one of my favorites. (Not my favorite, favorite (sorry Mist you’ll always be the nostalgic one though) She was always dedicated to her water Pokemon and her bond with Gyarados is amazing. Even if she was a brat she out grew it.

5. Kari Kamiya/ Hikari Yagami

Honestly I loved all the gals from Digimon from Sora all the way to Yoshino in Savers/Data Squad. There’s not a Digimon Girl I don’t like to some extent but I’ll give it to Kari. Her arc in season one is my FAVORITE of that season. Especially her bond with Gatomon and how committed her brother is to her. I love this gal and she gets some good growth in season 2. Also Angewomon is awesome. 

Feels like there’s a lot of anime here... I watched a lot of anime as a kid okay?

6. Kim Possible! 

I watched a lot of anime growing up. But I also had gals like Kim to watch too. She was one of those characters you just couldn’t dislike. She had her moments where she was in the wrong and owned up to it. She was always helpful sometimes to her detriment... And the popular girls only had one who disliked her cause of jealousy. KP’s biggest issues was defeating her villain gallery before school or before lunch was up. Overall just a cool character, Kim was great. (and the Kim Possible soundtrack is waaaay too catchy for it’s own good.)

7. Nova (Super Robot Monkey Team Hyper Force Go)

Jinmay should probably be here instead of Nova, but Jinny only had about three episodes of real character development. Nova... Ho boy Nova. This show was cheesy as heck but Nova was so much fun. Antauri was my favorite but Nova was second. She had a lot of things going for her, from actually having legit fears (being seen as weak, she actually had anxiety in the cold due to abuse her former leader dealt out (basically locked her in a cold room until she was about to freeze to death and then she got royally pissed off) she’s got some fire power to her too and she is definitely the team mom. Seriously, you touched a hair on Chiro’s head and you were dead. Her weapon? GIANT FISTS. Yeah I’m still salty about the way the show went in the final season but in those first few seasons? Pretty fun stuff. And I’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for this one.

8. Carmen Cortez

I swear I probably drove my mom crazy trying to find a shirt just like that one in the kids section when I was little. Carmen is unapologetically kick butt. Even though she was a brat sometimes with how she and Juni fought... She was a kid. She also wasn’t phased at the obstacle course she and Juni had to do every morning before school, even expertly jumping a THOUSAND FEET and not being phased. She was the big sis and she did her job well at keeping Juni safe and also fighting with him. They were equals. Spy Kids overall was just a great movie series for me as a kid and I still like it as an adult (Except Spy Kids 3. We don’t talk about it) 

Plus I still use that phrase up there every now and then. It’s funny.

9. Madoka Kaname and Homura Akemi

I’m cheating, I know. But these two are so intertwined you can’t separate them. Best friends to the very end, Homura did everything in her power to protect Madoka and Madoka realized in the end Homura WAS her best friend. Still watched out for her and refused to let her become corrupted in despair. I can’t talk more about these two amazing girls without spoiling the entirety of Puella Magi Madoka Magica (if you haven’t watched it, do it. Even if “Mahou Shoujo” anime isn’t normally your thing. You will not regret it) sooo yeah.

10. Naomi Kimishima

NAOMI!!!!! I am a huge Trauma Center fan so it wouldn’t be right to end this list without one of my favorite ladies from this medical series. (Honorable mention to second favorite TC gal Tomoe) It’s been awhile since I played the games but Naomi was always a favorite of mine. She reminded me of Temperance Brennan from Bones, a show I was really obsessed with at the time too. But she was also her own character. Her interactions with Gabe, her relationship with Little Guy/Agent Navel (I STILL SHIP IT DARN IT) and especially how things effected her. One of the most heart wrenching scenes for me was (And major spoiler seriously) was when she was saying it was her fault that Alyssa got hurt and Little Guy was holding her back from the blast zone. And then in the end... She chose to raise Alyssa as her own. That child became her little girl and she clearly loves her dearly. Even if Chloe that darn cat keeps getting her into trouble. (And Naomi was one of the first characters I ever created a next gen for, my character Lucas was created after I played the game for the first time back in 2010) 

Soooo yeah.  10 11 gals. All cool characters.XD Thanks for tagging me, was fun. 

I will not tag anyone this time. Do it if ya wanna.

[ash-etherwood]

Also how about Madoka Magica for a change of pace? ^^

♡

Oh boy it’s been a hot minute since I thought about the good old megucas,, also disclaimer, I haven’t seen/read/consumed any of the spin-offs (except for the movies). (Even tho I kind of wanted to watch the new show but lost interest already even before the first ep came out … nothing captures the spirit of the original anime for me sorry it all just feels like weird borderline fetishy basic moe fanservice now. </3)

But let’s think about some girlies. :-D

blorbo (favourite character, character I think about the most)

It’s gotta be Kyouko. She is red and snarky and kind of murdery and has a catholic guilt theme, what more do you want? ♡ I also just love her outfit the most. Also the Octavia-fight and her self sacrifice just always make me cry because it changes everything and yet nothing at all. (-:

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)

Uhhh I would say Charlotte? I mean she sure is Shaped! And mousy. I like things that are mouse. ^w^ I would buy a plushie of her first form. Maybe. (Nagisa is also cute I guess but I care more about her as a witch tbh,,)

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)

Also Kyouko …? Look I just feel like she’s not most people’s favourite ahha,, but I have literally no idea what the fandom is like nowadays so maybe I’m completely wrong here, who knows.

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week)

Can I count Kriemhild Gretchen because she was only shown for like a few seconds in the original anime? Idk the pure distilled despair and destruction that forms out of the most selfless being in the universe kinda feels like a terrifying and neat concept to me??

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

I don think she’s unpopular in the slightest but I guess Homura? Yes, even evil Rebellion-Satan-Homura. I like selfish, evil, world devouring love. (Reminds me of Rhy/Phillip. </3) I have my issues with her, MANY issues, but I like the concept of becoming corrupted in that way.

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

Kyuubey obviously. Yeah yeah yeah I know he’s a being from another planet with a different moral system than ours that just wants to save his own kind and stabilize the universe as a whole but that doesn’t stop him from being a little shit I would like to pull apart with my teeth.

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)

Sayaka probably. She already did that to herself in a way … I also like her theme of selfishness paired with blind, uneducated idealism and naivety. Her whole arc was being broken apart to make everyone else see the horrifying truth about magical girls and I feel pretty bad for her for that. Also she had the queerbait relationship so that’s on brand. 8DD (Or is it canon? I don’t feel like it is but I also have no idea lol.)

[clarafell]

(ᴛʜᴇ ʟɪᴇ ᴍᴇᴍᴇ) "ᴍᴀᴅᴏᴋᴀ /NEVER/ ᴛʀᴜʟʏ ᴄᴀʀᴇᴅ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ, ᴜɴʟɪᴋᴇ ᴍᴇ."

Give me all those lies  :    Accepting!

↳  @delightful-envy     (Listen to this song to set the mood!)

                      “What do you mean—”

                                                   MADOKA—

                                                        NEVER

                                                              TRULY

                                                                CARED?

No, no, no! There must be a big mistake! Already, Homura struggles to breathe and her heart threatens to stop— What did Homura do to possibly be hated by Madoka? Or did Madoka not even hate her - what if she had literally no feelings towards her at all ? Did Madoka see her as just an annoying parasite that clings to her more and more, leeching off of her constantly. Was Homura really like a parasite when it came to Madoka? Was that why she never could make any friends or anything like that? What about her protest that she made with Madoka on that fateful disaster of a time? Ah, but Envy had added a little part at the end. As if to reassure her instead of letting her sink so quickly into heartache and pain. But even if Madoka never cared about her, Homura had wished to her to at least be allowed to live her life. Whether she was with Madoka or not, she would be happy as long as Madoka was allowed to live a life happily without any tragedy on he shoulders. Even if she believed that, did that mean Homura would be able to cope with being alone? Madoka had both of her parents, her real best friend, her little brother, more friends, and certainly a bright glimmering potential—

It wasn’t surprising to hear that Madoka never cared.

But it was shocking to hear it come from someone else.

Someone who wasn’t Homura herself.

Oh, how her voice shimmers in raw pain as her eyes darken in fear, unable to believe what she heard. She had hoped that he had said something else instead. “She…she…” Homura struggles to form her thoughts as she begins to hold onto her head, hands clasping at her ears as if to tune out the words. She was afraid to hear them as if he had the power to make such a remark into reality. But it made her stumble and fall back to the nearest wall for support. Her hands lower as she stares at her hands, trying to force back tears. The mere thought of Madoka never caring about her made her feel so sick that she almost felt bile in her mouth. But she also felt a pang of something else as if this had happened before. Even if Envy didn’t say it, Homura begins to recall how she had doubted about Madoka. She had so many doubts when she woke up in the hospital each and every time. The thought that Madoka never cared and that she was really just a stranger, sick and tired of Homura barging into her life. Ruining her life. Showing her that the world of puella magi were not what it was all cracked up to be. It was a cruel and hard and unforgiving life. Then Madoka would make wishes for something that would later backfire on her. Then she would fight with her (their) friends and Homura’s pleas would be left in the background, trying to warn them over and over— The day that Homura had come back to introduce herself into class was the same day that she saw Madoka’s face twisted into uneasiness and embarrassment. The cruel day that she found out that her time travel resulted in everyone forgetting about her including Madoka. Including the other puella magis too! Even Kyubey couldn’t remember her— But Homura remembers the excited hug of Madoka and how her arms wrapped around her lithe body. She remembers the bright smile and the happiness that shone in her bejeweled eyes. All of it made her feel warm and happy too and maybe even proud in herself that they (she) had won the fight. If Madoka never cared about her, what was all of that? What did Homura witness? Homura had never, ever thought of the idea that Madoka would lie to her. Homura thought Madoka was unable to lie really. Unable to do anything bad… But what if he was right about Madoka? She can feel another part of herself scream and claw at the insides of her cold body, telling herself to shut up. Belittling herself for actually considering that Madoka would be so cruel. Why was she so torn up on this? She knew she had insecure thoughts about this exact scenario and it was what also made her lock away herself in the bathroom. It was what made her stare at herself in the mirror before breaking the mirror and staring at her cracked reflection. Those confusing thoughts of what is real and what is not real made her heart get weaker. It was what made her distracted in battle and slower and more reckless. Homura was staring at the ground now, too afraid to speak. Too afraid and too confused.

“…Kaname-san d-does care… She has to care… What would I be doing h-here, Envy? I w-wouldn’t be standing here with you…” She pukes out a weak and pathetic remark as she begins to sniffle, almost on the verge of tears. If Madoka never cared, she would have never saved her. Madoka would have never, ever used that grief seed on her soul gem if she didn’t care. Madoka would have used it on her own tainted soul gem and let Homura die, right? Homura would have been long gone by now. But if she did not care for Homura, her wish would be pointless. Her magic would be pointless. Her whole existence would be pointless. Her first real friendship would be fake and pointless and just like the others. All those memories and all her efforts and all those timelines would be pointless. She wanted to turn away from Envy and bury herself into her blankets, turn off the alarm clock and forget about classes. No one would notice that she would be gone, anyway. The classmates would be quick to jump to conclusions that she left in order to go back into the hospital. She wouldn’t even get visitors. No one ever visited her in there. Homura had inhaled shakily in order to compose herself and her emotions, unable to think or concentrate properly. She felt anxious and rubbed her eyes until they were a puffy red that contrast her cold, pale skin. “Even if she didn’t care about me… You’ll s-still care, r-right? Oh, Envy, p-please don’t…please don’t g-go…” She asked quietly, desperate to hear him say yes. Wanting and desiring to hear him say confirm her sorrowful pleas. She was scared that if her relationship with Madoka was fake, it also meant that Envy’s bond was fake. If everything that she knew about Madoka was fake, Homura couldn’t tell what was truly real. Were those dress-up dolls from her childhood truly her friends too? She can practically hear their whispers and giggles and hear them mock her for not being good at anything. If she reset the timeline and decided to perish in the hospital where she rightfully belonged, no one would miss her then. The dolls would whisper in a joyful manner, pleased that she would perish and they can finally set the stage for the witch. Why, witches didn’t have to deal with all these complex relationships and none of this torment. They have their own torment, she assumes. All she would believe is that every bond formed she forms with another was fake because she screwed up. She was unlovable and she agreed with it. She wasn’t worth any love or anything. She should had died in that barrier. Or maybe she should have just taken off her shoes and leap from this cruel life if Madoka’s friendship was all staged. If the innocent Madoka truly didn’t care for her, then who was to say that Envy was also like that? Or anyone else was like that too? Homura thought she had a basic grasp on life and relationships. Better than before. When she had asked Madoka if she will cares and will stay, she got different answers on each timeline depending on how close she got to the pinkette. Slowly, ever so slowly, she inches closer to the ground and sits there. She brings her knees to her chest and hugs them as if she herself was the only person she could hug now. She felt drained and confused and already torn up again. Even if Envy never said it, she had already thought about it countless times. He only seemed to open up a wound whether by accident or not: Considering he actually believes that Madoka doesn’t care. If Madoka truly cared, why wasn’t she here with Homura when she needed her most? It made sense if he thought that way in that form of thinking— But Madoka in this particliar timeline had no idea about Homura’s turmoil and suffering. If Madoka never cared to begin with and Envy was right, Homura’s mind automatically assumed that Envy didn’t care either. After all, what if he didn’t care like Madoka too? Just how exactly can she be so sure that he cared for her this whole time? (If Envy can prove that he cared too, then can Madoka do the same down the line somehow too?) No one shouldn’t care about her anyway, though. (How can she be blind into thinking she deserved the rights of care, support, and love?) She didn’t deserve any of their care and love and support. She would be left alone in the long run, she knew it deep down. She was always left alone for one thing or another. Messy long hair hides away her face as she buries her face into covered knees, trying to muffle her gross crying. The wind on this stormy afternoon is strong, whipping around her messy hair. She was injured from the last witch hunt this morning that made her skip school. Her soul gem had already become cloudy with despair long before Envy spoke up. Fighting alone was becoming a struggle against this specific witch. Oh, how that witch was so aggressive! Her body felt sore, her heart felt heavy, and her soul in that ring on her finger felt in that murky and… She just wanted to disappear…

                                                                   Why bother?

                                                  Wait a minute—

                     Did she even collect the grief seed this morning?

                                                 Not even Envy can answer that question.

Only Homura can answer that question herself.

                                  But she wasn’t in the emotional state to really care right now.

Maybe she just didn’t even notice the early signs of a tainted soul gem yet?

                                                                  It wasn’t a huge big deal yet honestly…

But Homura was normally quite adjusted to storing her grief seeds. Unlike other magical girls, she was good at cleansing her soul gem and making sure that the despair didn’t consume her bright soul gem. Nonetheless, she was too worn out to notice or care. The confused female hides herself away from Envy and hugs herself more, trying to avoid everything. To avoid everyone. To avoid all her thoughts and her feelings and every single thing right now. She felt sick and dizzy and those disgusting tears will not stop. Oh, make it stop please! The dolls (that have not been created into living existence yet until the soul gem is completely tainted) whisper in secrecy and giggle at one another, waiting and counting down until the soul gem was tainted with so much breathtaking despair. Would it happen today or tomorrow or far in the future? All Homura wanted was this pain and this cycle to stop. She wanted to believe that Madoka cared. That Envy cared too. That things can truly get better and actually stay better. But how can she believe them if she cannot believe in herself?