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#everything keeps making me feel really bad. and its clouding my judgement and my Wants and Needs
skunkes · 4 months
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thjey should invent somebody i can share all my thoughts to. also pills that will make u stop bursting into tears at any second
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zoropookie · 4 months
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WHAT YOU WON'T DO FOR LOVE (WYWDFL) — TWO
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YOU couldn't be having a worse halloween night. choose your fate with your fellow readers and see if it gets better!
chapter one — chapter three
soulmate!wanderer x gn!reader
Yeah, let’s do it. At least the debt collectors won’t call anymore. That's only if you do actually die, though.
"I love you, mom," You muttered to yourself begrudgingly, the oppressive tons of the night and your earlier agitation whisked away in the wind by a sudden anxiety. You found yourself moving to the alleyway.
It was a narrow area, littered with debris from front to back. There were discarded newspaper, broken bottles, the occasional piece of unidentifiable trash and...syringes you were too apprehensive to even walk near. You walked through the cracked and uneven pavement to follow the sound of two people speaking from a distance.
You carefully made your way, and as you did, the voice you were hearing became clearer. It wasn’t a dying dog, or a man who was suffering the severe after effects of meth and paying for it. No…it sounded like just a regular guy who was panicking (which admittedly, pissed you off. this was clearly a waste of time). The muffled voices of the conversation were partnered by the irrefutable rustling of movement.
The alley’s walls loomed high above you, making long and distorted outlines in the shadows. They were mingling with the dim light. The steps you took were tentative, each one seeming louder with how quiet the night was.
There was a bend in the alley— the voices becoming clearer. You strained to hear them still, catching snippets of what they were saying that made your heart race even stronger
"You said…this would be easy," a voice hissed with a thicker sound to it, sharp and tense. It was a man's voice. “You said I’d gain a lot doing this.”
"Yeaaah," another voice replied, smoother and more evasive. “That was until I heard you were thinking of ratting me to the cops. Now I have no choice. Makes me look bad.” This voice carried an air of authority, as if its owner was accustomed to being in charge.
“Huh?” You sounded in brief confusion, pressing yourself against the gritty brick texture, trying to steady your breaths. The low glow of a flickering streetlight barely illuminated them as they spoke in the crevice carved out. You peeked expectantly.
“I would never! I swear, I swear.” The man spluttered out, groveling on the floor pathetically. The panic he felt was clearly highlighted by the street lights, his throat sounded completely dry. He wasn’t able to salivate from how high the stress he felt. “Finding out that guy was my soulmate…it clouded my judgement. I’m sorry!”
The silence that followed was long and arduous. The tension thick enough that it lingered around them until the other lips curled a little bit. “I’m kidding.” His smooth voice admitted.
“Wh…what?”
“Yeah. Just wanted to josh you. Happy Pride.” He snickered, shaking his own head in a personal amusement. His lips curved in a leer before he began to laugh softly, some huffs, some chuckles.
“Uh…yeah, thanks.” The other man tensed, looking uneasy as he forced himself to laugh along for the time that he was. You found this encounter really odd, amongst everything, but you couldn’t help but sit there and watch.
“Oh, but seriously,” The chuckles died down in an instant, as he straightened out. The atmosphere plummeted so hard that even you could feel how ominous it was. “You really only have one use to me as of now, and well… you don’t need to be alive for that.”
Without warning, he grabbed the hilt before it fell and plunged his knife deep into his chest. He reeled his arm back at such a high speed that the other couldn’t whine, cry out for help, or protest in time. The blade, a steely glint still remained despite it bloodied.
Your stomach dropped immediately, mouth opened wide. You’re listening to a man gargle blood, struggling to even keep himself alive right now. With each stab he did pierce into the man, you flinched harder every time as the sound reverberated. You were watching someone die, and couldn’t feel your legs.
It was like you couldn’t do anything to keep yourself from watching, either. If that guy was capable of killing a man, then he was capable of killing you too once he figured out that you were watching him like you were watching the fucking Garfield movie.
His eyes were still shielded by the cap he wore, but you knew that his hair was dark from the unruly way it stuck out in the back. He cocked his head to the side, a simple and effortless jolt of his arm twisted the blade in his hand. A last high pitched wheeze escaped his lips before he truly fell limp.
You finally realized the severity of the situation. This wasn’t no Garfield shit, and with that, you slapped a hand to your mouth once the fight or flight kicked in. Oh my god.
You cringed at the slight thump that came afterward, the sight of the man lying on the floor, the other man retching at the sight of the blood after a few seconds. He looked like he had done it multiple times, but even so, the gagging came around like whiplash.
It echoed through the empty streets, an ugly recoil as his gloved hands covered his mouth. He gingerly tried to pull the knife out of the man, simultaneously keeping his food content in his stomach.
Your heart was beating like drums in your ears; you knew you had to do something before he decided to put you on his hit-list next. Taking in deep, juttered breaths you glanced around the small alcove you were in.
Maybe if you hide here, he wouldn’t really notice anything—?
“Enjoy the show?” A piercing, stiff and chilling voice called out. “I know you’re there. Protip; if you don’t want to be heard, maybe don’t gasp on command when you see a little blood.”
You wanted to point him out on his hypocrisy, considering he was the one who almost blew out chunks over it, but you were too scared to even say anything back. Nor did you want to. Your best bet was making it seem like you left, but the longer time you waited, the nearer his footsteps got.
“Come out.”
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dipplinduo · 6 months
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1. What's your favorite Legendary Pokemon and why? 2. If you could Kieran any legendary (other than the Gen 9 legends), which would you give and why?
Omg a random ask for my personal opinions?? I'm touched B)
1. What's your favorite Legendary Pokemon and why?
(I'm using these specific classifications as I answer your question)
So hot take but I don't really feel too strongly about most of the legendaries 💀 I seem to be more of a sub-legendary and mythical pokemon fan by happenstance, so I'm just gonna expand my response with them since I'm more interested in them.
Strictly Legendary:
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I like Lugia and Mewtwo because of their respective movies, but I honestly think I'm most attached to Cosmog by a long shot. I don't have too much of an articulate answer behind as to why other than Gen 7 really nailed the landing with creating an attachment to the curious lil' thing and I love it so much :') I just love its personality, and would 100% love to keep it as a little pet and yell at it to get in the bag. xD
Sub-Legendary:
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THIS THING. THIS THING GAVE ME HELL CATCHING IT IN MY FIRST D/P PLAYTHROUGH AND IT MADE ME WANT IT SOOOOOO BAD LOOOL
I really, really, really loved the concepts behind the lake trio and what they represented, and was particularly drawn to Mespirit at the time (although Uxie lowkey has the best cry). Nowadays the trio is almost neck-and-neck even, tbh.
I also have thoroughly enjoyed Ogerpon - she's the only legendary I've actually opted to use in my main team throughout all the gens because I got attached and didn't like the other grass pokemon options.
Blacephalon is also a weird take I can't explain. I love the chaos and variety of colors in its design. It just seems very chaotic and strange as is. OH, AND THE DOG TRIO FROM JOHTO. AND LATIOS AND LATIAS. GOD I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM IN EVERY MEDIA.
Mythical:
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OOOOH this one is VERY close because I love, love, love the mythicals apparently. Celebi's connection to time, the movie, THE GAMES, and the overall atmosphere behind it is just 110% my kind of personal aesthetic lmao. Like I'd love to have this little fairy are you kidding me???
Shaymin is a very very close second. I love how it has two forms and love its connection to nature. My connection to this pokemon in particular also grew because I associate it with the late memory of someone close to me who passed away. I think of them with this pokemon, so it holds an extra sentiment.
Otherwise I really really really also love Mew (fight me) and Jirachi is awesome because WISHES??? Bangers.
2. If you could Kieran any legendary (other than the Gen 9 legends), which would you give and why?
Lol you're so based for excluding the gen 9 mons, lets go.
Strictly Legendary:
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Helloooo Gen 5 fans LMAO. I really feel like there's a lot of unspoken poetry between Kieran & the player with Reshiram/Zekrom parallels. I could honestly see Kieran holding either legendary relatively well from a symbolic standpoint, but Zekrom seems to fit him a bit more imo. He's quite motivated through his ideals to find a truth he wants to see - whether it be "the Ogre being misunderstood" before it was verified, his concepts for what makes a capable trainer and respectable or valued person, and his desires to prove himself. He gets a little too lost in his visions to the point where they cloud his perception and his judgement is ultimately soured; he's desperate to compete and externals it on the player, but in reality he's competing with the standard of an ideal he thinks he himself should be.
Sub Legendary:
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I don't mean to pull too much from the lake trio with this post, but honestly, I feel like a lot of Kieran's journey and character arc can be summed up with his enduring willpower. Whether he's motivated through passion, spite and envy, or through his desire to correct his wrongdoings, Kieran really grows into his own because of how much he prioritizes his fire and determination.
Mythical:
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Bit of an indescribable take for me but I'm oddly drawn to Marshadow for the mythicals - especially for Teal Mask Kieran. I think it just really symbolizes more of his timid dispositions and more gentle personality underneath everything his edgieness LOL, I guess? And there's something that speaks to me in terms of having him honor that side of him and learn to embrace it - especially alongside the other picks I listed.
This was fun!! I hope these answers were entertaining. :)
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sub-danny · 3 years
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We met with Laszlo so I needed to ask something about it.
Laszlo forcing himself to keep together as you are in the same room and he wants to make you proud and earn is rightful prize
I added some other things into this drabble such as overstimulation and of course because you sent me the original Laszlo mummy kink request I had to include it in here as well!
Word count: 2k
Warnings: f!reader, sub!Laszlo, handjobs, overstimulation, mummy kink
When Laszlo was arguing for his court cases he was in his prime. He had gained the reputation for being one of the most likely Alienists to get people out of the death sentence or being locked up, if he chooses to take on your case. When criminals were faced with the book they would try everything to get him to take their case on. But Laszlo only chooses the cases of those he deemed needed his help, who shouldn’t be judged for their crime because they didn’t mean for it to happen or that they were in the right for committing it. Or if he found he wanted to study them and deemed them as mentally insane.
There was however another reason as to why Laszlo was always so keen in court, how he would do everything he could to help his defendant and that might be down to how his lovely wife would usually sit in on the court and watch how the trial would go down.
Throughout this trial, Laszlo’s eyes couldn’t help but continuously flicker over to where you sat, but they darted away the moment he feared you might spot him glancing over to you. You always kept your face so passive Laszlo had a hard time trying to analyze and figure out what you were thinking, and what was supposed to be one of his best skills! When he stood up and talked, arguing against what most of the prosecutors claimed about his client, he could feel all the eyes in the room look at him, he could feel their judgemental stares, he knew what they thought of him but he only cared about one opinion in that room.
He had to be a good boy for you. If he won the case today then he was a good boy. If he lost it then he would be a bad boy and you had to punish him accordingly. He needed to be a good boy for you today and he had to make you proud in order for you to reward him. But the more he thought about his potential reward tonight for winning the case, the more aroused he became. As he sat down to briefly take a break as the prosecutor pulled out some more evidence, horror dawned on him as he felt the way his slacks tightened around him, and as he looked down dread filled him as he saw the slight tent within his trousers.
Just the mere presence and thought of you was apparently all Laszlo needed to feel arousal surge within him. With his hand, he tried to push it back down but the feeling of the material being pushed against his aching cock only stimulated the pleasure for him and he had to swallow down a moan that was threatening to prise its way out of his throat.
When it was Laszlo’s turn to stand up again he hovered his weak arm over his crotch in a casual way, hoping no one would take notice of the creases now within it yet his voice sounded like it was straining and wobbling, and panic flicked through him that as you watched him, you might have caught on to what he was struggling with. He didn’t dare imagine what you might do to him if you figured out how hard he got during a court case with lots of other people surrounding the two of you.
He was fearful now with his distraction he would lose this court case, that he wouldn’t be able to pull through and yet remarkably, the defendant was excused of his crime as long as Laszlo took him into his employment. Hearing the verdict made Laszlo extremely happy knowing he wouldn’t be punished today, instead rewarded but still he needed to get home with you without you realising how turned on he was yet. This proved hard as you two rode in the calash opposite each other. He placed his hands in front of his crotch pretending to just rest them there but it wasn’t very convincing of him.
Finally, you two got home and were left within each other’s companies, anticipating what was to come next. He dared not say a word, instead his eyes lingering all over your body as you slowly stepped towards him, placing your hand upon his chest to feel the way it rose with every deep breath in. The touch was intimate and sparked warmth within Laszlo, especially when you trailed your fingers up to his beard, stroking his neck upwards and then finally placing your finger under his chin.
“You were a good boy today Laszlo weren’t you?”
He didn’t dare speak, only nod.
“You made me very proud today.”
The corners of his lips twitched up into a smile as his heart fluttered from his words. Knowing you were proud of him was one of the best feelings he could experience.
“And yet…” you trail off, letting your eyes which were staring into Laszlo’s now drop to his lips. “I couldn’t help but notice you became quite excited near the end.”
Without a moment’s hesitation, your other hand reached forward and cupped Laszlo’s slacks, palming his cock through the thin material. The sensation instantly made his hips twitch, his cock thinking before his mind could. He knew that down there he had started to leak pre-cum which was dripping onto his thighs making him grimace slightly.
“I-I’m sorry mummy,” he chocked out, though it felt like his throat was constricting from the sobs that threatened to fall from his lips, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay darling,” you tell him, giving his crotch a tighter squeeze making him hiss, “It makes me happy to know how much you enjoy my company. You won the case, you’ve earned your reward, but I’m afraid I can’t let you get away without a punishment fully.”
Finally, you pulled your hand away from him again and this time a sob truly did leave his lips as he screwed his eyes shut, upset from the sudden lack of friction and embarrassed at how submissive he had become.
Your hands moved to his shoulder and slowly you pushed him back, guiding him until his legs hit the sofa within the living room to which you forced him to collapse back onto it. The breath was knocked out of him for a moment as his back laid down upon the sofa, and while he was briefly stunned you grasped his ankle, lifting it up and putting it behind the back of the sofa while his other leg dangled off the side, ensuring that he was nicely spread open for you. Because of his age, there was a strain on his thigh muscles to keep his legs so wide open and he knew he would be sore after but he could deal with that in order to please you.
Your fingers fumbled with the buttons on his slacks until you finally pried them open. Tugging them down slightly you watched how his cock was finally freed from its confinments. It bobbed up, slapping his chest with excitement which also caused a few beads of pre-cum to spill from the tip.
“So needy for me,” you mutter, really to yourself but Laszlo heard you and quickly moaned, “Yes” desperately trying to suppress the urge to buck his hips up into the air. Now out of its confinements he ached for friction, something to relieve him of the increasing pressure building up inside of his cock as it hardens and luckily for him you granted him relief.
Your hand wrapped around the warm skin of his cock, and slowly started to pump it, reaching all the way down to his ball sack before pulling your hand up to his tip, to brush your thumb along the tip and side more pre-cum down him to make your movements easier. You could feel the way he started to pulse in your hand, the veins which trailed down his cock pushing against the thin skin.
More moans found their way out of Laszlo’s throat as his face scrunched up from pleasure. His jaw became slack as his mind was flooded in a lustful cloud, all other thoughts and worries leaving his mind. Soon his hips started to move on their own, thrusting his cock into your hand as you pumped him, desperate for more speed. Though his leg was being held behind the sofa it began to shake as he felt his pleasure mounting within him, making him sweat. A few curses in German left his throat as he groaned and let his head fall back on the sofa. His back arched as his balls finally constricted and with one loud groan he finally came all over your hands, rods of cum squirting out of him and landing upon his new, expensive suit. He doesn’t seem to mind at the moment though as all he could do was lie back and let his hips twitch in your hand as the last few squirts of cum stream down his tip and onto your hand.
To his horror, however, you don’t stop moving your hand.
When the last of his pleasure haze left him, the sudden pain of overstimulation strikes him, causing his whole body to suddenly tense up. His head shot up to stare at you wide-eyed, mouth slack in surprise as you pumped his now soft cock. A whimper tears from his throat as his eyes swarm with tears at the stinging pain as you continued to move your hand quickly up and down his shaft, faster now than before.
“Y/n, please, it hurts” he finally is able to cry out, his chest heaving from the deep breaths he is having to take to dull the pain in his cock. His thighs twitched again as more pleas leave his lips, desperately looking at you, but you just shook your head, delivering a devilish smirk to him.
“You were the one who became so excited at just the meet thought of your reward, I am simply giving you the pleasure you craved.”
He opened his mouth again to argue against you but you cut him off, “There’s no use speaking Laszlo, for I won’t let you go until I have milked you dry, until you are too fucked out to even think anymore, only thrust your hips like a good little boy.”
Laszlo cried out at your words realising just how far you were going to push him. It was too much for a man of his age, he wasn’t young he couldn’t keep cumming. And yet though he shook his head and continue you plead with you, you both could feel how his cock started to become hard in your hand again.
He bit his lip harshly and threw his head back as the pain of the overstimulation lead to pleasure for him again. His throat wanted to cry out from the pleasure but his embarrassment from how good he was feeling tried to prevent it. However, all it took was for you to brush your thumb over his sensitive tip, and press down on it and his whole body was thrashing as he cried out. Almost as quickly as last time, he was brought to the edge of his climax. You take his cock a slight tug and that was all it took for him to lose it again, his cock twitching within his palm as his hips violently twitched forward. Though it was less than last time his cock still pumped out more streams of cum all over you and him but his mind was so swarmed in an even intenser pleasure than from his last orgasm he didn’t even notice.
His whole body was shaking for at least three minutes as finally tears started to flow from his eyes from the intensity of the climax. He wasn’t even aware now of the pitiful gasps and moans that left his lips. All he was aware of was how your hand was still moving on his cock and how much it hurt and pleasured him.
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roger-that-cap · 3 years
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meet me in the gardens
knight!natasha romanoff x noble!fem!reader
summary: being the widow of a decently wealthy lord and sitting on a large plot of land automatically meant that you were a candidate for the program that you couldn’t say not to; the hosting. you had to sponsor a knight and keep them in your home for an entire year, which was troublesome enough on its own. but you never expected your knight to be a woman, and you certainly didn’t expect to have a full on illegal love affair with her, either. 
warnings: ppl are upset, shit gets ruined, swearing? the “l” word
word count: 3.5k
what is this, like the sixth part? this was definitely supposed to be a miniseries lmao- all the other parts are on my pinned post!
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The nights passed the same, but the days were entirely different. Days kept flying by, and with every single cycle of the sun, you were forced more and more by tradition to prepare your home for your future husband. It had been days since you and Natasha confessed your feelings for each other and kissed under the starlight, and still, the feeling of her arms around you and her face in your hands still ran around in your mind, pushing thoughts of your duties out of your mind without any effort. And it was for that reason, against your judgement, that you still met with Natasha Romanoff every night. 
  It felt like ever since the honesty started flowing, you began to feel lighter. With every glance at Natasha that became less and less stolen, your soul felt like it could deviate more and more by the second. Your mind knew what was going on, the high before the impending fall, and you knew for a fact that when you hit the ground, you were going to shatter. But you couldn't find your mind wanting to acknowledge how fragile you were becoming for love. And how could you? How could you mind the chilling fall and the results of it when Natasha cradled you so gently, just like stained glass?
 Wanda was the sane one. She was the one who kept trying to bring you back down from the tops of your clouds, attempting to be the gentle reminder before reality itself slammed right into you and took your breath away in the worst of ways. She was the gentle hand of a mother that tried to shake her child out of  a nightmare disguised as a dream, and you were the insolent child who ignored her. 
 Pietro, on the other hand, encouraged it. He was all for splurging, and that went for everything. He was a borderline glutton and when he had money, it was gone within weeks, and he was an advocate for the way that you were divulging in your own little heaven. He would smile when he saw you off in your own head, reminiscing on a memory so sweet you could have sworn it was some sort of dream. He would tell Wanda in hushed whispers to leave you alone, and that you deserved to be happy, even if it was only for a little bit. 
  “But she doesn’t deserve to have it ripped away from her,” Wanda said to him on a day where the sun managed to pierce through the coverage of the clouds, and he just shook  his head at her, looking at her with slight pity. “It’s my duty as her friend to remind her.”
“She’s a smart girl, don’t you think she knows?” Pietro retorted, eyeing you as you picked a magnolia from your garden, standing  by yourself but still smiling. “Besides, do you really think that her lady love is going to let anything happen to her?” 
 Wanda gasped and looked around them, on alert for anyone who could have possibly heard what her brother had said. Her eyes were wild as she watched for anyone who may have heard the scandalous words, and when she saw that everyone was minding their business, she swirled her head back to glare at Pietro.  “What?”
Pietro grinned, and then his grin turned into a sneaky smirk. “What, you didn't know?” When Wanda hesitated to answer, he chuckled. ‘There’s no way you didn’t know.” 
“Pietro, you can’t just say things like that,” she scolded, heart still racing at the thought of someone knowing. 
“You and I are the only ones who know her well enough to know that she’s in love, and there’s no way that you haven’t seen the way that the knight is around her.” 
  Wanda had. She had a great read on people, always seeming to know everyone’s thoughts before they even knew it themselves. She knew the second that Natasha Romanoff started to change, and she would never forget the time where she realized that it was because of her very own dear friend.
 It happened on a particularly cool day, and Wanda had dressed you in a short and flowy dress before realizing that there was a breeze outside. You had walked down to the training areas, even though you said that you were just aimlessly walking, and you kept glancing over your shoulder to watch the red head spar with a man twice her size and hold more than her own. You had looked away the second that Wanda looked at you for a moment too long, with her eyes that were always seeking answers. The first pang of realization hit Wanda that day when she saw you stand up straight and tall when Natasha started to saunter towards the both of you. The second time that she saw it was when Natasha got an eyeful of you, too, and then her flawless steps faltered for the quickest of moments. Natasha never faltered. 
  “It doesn’t matter what we know,” Wanda muttered lowly, putting a strand of her hair behind her ear in an attempt to look like they were having a normal conversation. “We can’t just go around saying that our lady-”
“Likes women?” He asked, and Wanda immediately started throwing curses his way. “No one ever sees past their own problems here. I can assure you, no one cares if Lady Mirellis likes lying with women.” 
“No, but Brock Rumlow will care,” Wanda pointed out. “And he has the ability to make her life miserable. So please, watch your mouth. Or at least care for how loud you run it.”
 “They were meant to meet,” Pietro said, his words nearly running into Wanda’s. “They were meant to meet, that much is obvious. I knew it from the second that I saw them look at each other when the redhead stepped out of the carriage.” Wanda looked at him with shock in her eyes as she watched his face flood with smugness, the sort of effortless smile that made people smile back. “What, you didn’t see that coming?” He shook his head and ruffled his sister’s hair, ignoring the angered sounds she made. 
“And you say that you’re the observant twin?” 
§§
The stream became your hiding place. It was the place that you and Natasha went when it all became too much for you or when she wanted to celebrate getting another step closer to finding herself. You went on good days and bad ones, but at the end of it, you felt at peace. You both ended up forgetting why you went in the first place. 
Your toes were in the water, brushing up against a rock every few seconds as the red head practiced wielding her sword absentmindedly behind you, still looking graceful and as smooth as water while she did it. “What’s going to happen when you finish?” 
  “When I finish what?” 
“When you finish your knightly duties, you know, the reason why you came in the first place?” You asked, turning your head to look at her. She had her arm straight out, sword elongating it and was mid-lunge, but her eyes were on you and her forehead had gathered wrinkles. “What’s going to happen?” 
She dropped her arm abruptly and frowned. You heard her inhale over the sound of rushing water. “Well, I suppose I have to ride back to the capital.”  You knew that. “I’ll be officially knighted there.” 
  “Are you excited?” 
“It’s still a few months away,” Natasha said, and you knew that the statement was more for you than it was for her. “But when the time comes, I’ll be excited.” 
You knew she would be. She rose up from nothing to possibly being a woman knighted by the king, something that had never happened before. She was proud of herself, and you were proud of her. She was the perfect knight, honorable and strong, and everything that a person with that title should be. You sat there with your lips shut, hand in hers like it was meant to be that way, and your mind moving at a speed legs couldn’t even hope for. 
“Whatever you’re worrying about, darling,” Natasha said, the hand that wasn’t intertwined with you reaching up and brushing against your jaw, fingers caressing your face as she turned your head gently to face her. “Don’t.” 
  “If only it were that easy.” 
“It could be,” she retorted, and her pointer finger brushed over your top lip. “Just stop thinking about it.” 
You pursed your lips at her, shaking your head. “You truly do have a man’s brain.” 
“Are you going to be able to do it?” She asked out of nowhere, and you stopped tracing her eyebrows with your finger to give her a confused look. “I guess the real question is- are you really going to do it?”
You sighed, your heart already slowly breaking. “Yes.” You said, lacking hesitancy that you felt deeply in your heart. “It won’t matter that I’ll be married to him. I swear it.” 
“I believe you.” 
“Nothing has to change. We’ll sneak around like we always do, we’ll be fine.” 
“Hey,” Natasha said, grabbing your hands as they started to shake. Your eyes were gathering tears with every word that passed through your lips, and she made you focus on her. “I believe you.” 
The rest of the night was spent as all the other nights were spent. Silence other than the sounds of nature and each other’s soft breathing. The customary breeze that came and went brushing against your bare legs and Natasha’s clothed ones. Soft touches that ranged from hands to foreheads to each other’s backs. It was so intimate, and you were so alone with her that it truly felt like you two were the only people on the planet. You never felt safer. Seeing Natasha wield a sword or wear her armor had nothing on the security that you felt when she just had you close, where there was nothing but a sliver of air between your two bodies. It was in moments like those, when she held you in her arms and kissed your temple, where you truly felt invincible. 
§§
With every passing day, you fell more and more in love with Natasha Romanoff. That much was a given, and you knew that the first night at the stream was going to change your life for forever, but you never expected it to be that hard. And by it, you meant, getting married to someone you would hate just so that you could keep the woman that you loved safe. 
And it felt so good to finally use that word, even if it was only in the comforts of your own mind. You loved her. You loved her like you had never loved anyone else, and you had to tell her one day. Your heart sunk to your toes when you realized that the confession would have to be in an empty forest or in your gardens or somewhere else just a s secretive, and that no one would ever find out truly how devoted you were to her. You were never going to be able to tell the world that you loved her, and that was for more reasons than one. 
  You were going to marry Brock Rumlow the day after he arrived. And that day was hardly even approaching anymore, it was on your doorstep. It was so close, in fact, that you were standing in your wedding gown and crying as you tried it on one last time before the fateful day. 
One second, Wanda was doing your corset and fixing the collar on the traditional wedding dress and the next- she was watching you lose your mind. “I really- I can’t do it.” You had a hand over your mouth as you looked up towards the ceiling. You collapsed to the floor despite your chest struggling to expand and catch a breath while the corset constricted. Your hands covered your face as you allowed yourself to have a good cry for the first time in what felt like years. 
“Oh, sweetheart.” Wanda breathed out, and you could feel the heartbreak in her just like it was in you. “I know. I know, just cry it all out.” 
Your head was spinning. You had no idea what terrible choices you had made for life to bring you to the spot that you were soon to arrive at and be stuck in forever. You had no idea what you had done to the world to make the universe want to make your life miserable. “I can’t do it.” 
“If you’re afraid that he’ll hurt you…”  Wanda started off, a slight tremble in her voice as she tried to gather her own bearings and be strong for you, “Pietro and I won’t let it happen. Pietro is strong, and I’m fierce when it comes to the two of you, you know that. Nothing will ever happen to you while we’re here.”
  “I can’t marry him,” you sobbed, and it felt like you were being crushed into a hug by the corset. “I can’t.” 
  “I will be with you every step of the way, just like I was before, darling.” 
“No!” You wailed, and you felt Wanda startle a bit. You were going in circles in your own mind, s fast that you couldn’t even stop your lips from moving if you had tried. “I can’t- I cannot marry him because my heart is fully in the possession of another.” You admitted lowly, so quietly that Wanda hardly even heard it. “I can’t.” 
Wanda waited a few moments before speaking again. “It’s Natasha isn’t it?” 
You stiffened up immediately, almost forgetting that quickly that you had shared the only secret that you ever kept from Wanda. Natasha. “What?” 
  “Pietro and I have known you for what feels like centuries,” Wanda said rubbing a smooth hand up and down your back. “Did you really think that we hadn’t caught on?” 
  You looked up at her, panic manifesting in your eyes. “Who else knows?” If you were in a rational state of mind, you would have known that Wanda and Pietro would never run their mouths, especially not about something that meant life or death. And you being with someone- a woman at that- before your betrothed came? That meant certain death for the both of you. ‘W-Wanda-”
“No one knows,” she said soothingly, a promise deep rooted in her tone. “Just the two of us. You hid it surprisingly well, but you can’t hide from your family.”
And they were family. The only ones you considered to be family, actually. “So now you know why.” Wanda nodded, and then the two of you sat on your wooden floor in silence, but it felt awfully loud with the thoughts running through you.
It felt like ages had passed by the time Wanda’s voice flooded your senses again, the despair in it hardly hidden. “What are you going to do?” 
“Try to keep us both alive.” 
§§
Your eyes were shut as you laid on your back and tried to will the tears away. Natasha was next to you, and you were supposed to be stargazing during your last night of freedom. You had been keeping it together, but the second Natasha heard a sniffle, she shook her head and leaned up on her arm.
 “You are not going to mope on our last- you know what? You’re just not going to mope tonight. Stand up.” Before you could even tell her that you didn’t want to she was yanking you up with one hand. You stumbled forward and into her arms, unable to stop yourself from giggling a bit before she steadied you. 
The moonlight was your friend as it lit her face, and like you always did, you momentarily lost your breath while the two of you locked eyes, yours clashing with her blue ones and creating a tension that you were so familiar with, the kind that everyone craved. “If there was no rush, nothing threatening to tear us apart, would you agree to marry me right now?” 
 You blinked. “What?” 
“In another life,” Natasha said, and you nodded with hesitant encouragement. “If this was another life and I was someone in a position to get down on one knee and marry you, would you tell me yes?” You stood there tongue tied, holding both of her hands as she stared at you head on. “If I were a man, a wealthy man who loved you for you, just like I do now, would you tell me yes? Would you agree to marry me if there were no obstacles?”
 Once you understood the depth of her question, the answer that had been stirring within finally came to light, and then it was leaving your lips in a surprised exhalation. “Yes.”
“Good,” Natasha said, the apprehension melting off of her face. She took a step back, but still held your hands tightly. “I’ll make it a point to find you in the next life, then.” 
 The next life. An unknown. Something that had so many variables, so many different meanings and outcomes. She was so optimistic, for someone who had seen so much hurt and suffering. But you were a realist, you had to be after everything that happened to you. And you knew deep down, no matter how much you willed for there to be one, that there was no second chance at a next life for you. And there wasn’t one for her, either. You didn’t have the next life. You didn’t even have the one you lived in. But you had a single night. 
“I would marry you tonight,” you said softly, and when you heard her breathing hitch, you turned your head to look at her, watching the slightest of flushes appear on her cheeks, like she was surprised that you would have even said the words that you did. “Even with everything going on right now, I would marry you. I would marry you with or without the people who hate us for loving who we do, and with or without Brock Rumlow coming in the morning. If I could, I would marry you. If you’d have me, of course.” 
“Of course I would,” she said, relief lacing in her voice as she touched your face, and one of your tears hit her pointer finger. “And it’s too late now, I’m afraid, but, I love you,” she said, and just like that, all of your worry and frustration and fear had melted away, like you were in some stupid fairy tale that queens tell their daughters at night. “Is that enough?” 
 No. It wasn’t. Not when it came to her. You wanted to give your all to her and you wanted it back from her. But as quick as you realized that you wanted it all, you realized that you would never get it. So, the little confessions and hugs and caresses in the dark were going to have to be enough. You would make them enough. “It’s enough,” you said, because wanting was enough. Being with her in the night and desiring for her during the day was enough. “It’s enough.” 
§§
You expected a more calm entrance from Lord Rumlow, but then again, you didn’t know him. But the second all of his horses and men came barreling down the road, you felt like you knew him quite enough. 
You knew all men like him at first glance. 
Wanda was on your left, and Pietro on your right as you stood in a pretty, floral dress that Wanda picked out for you. It was silent when she dressed you, but all the words were there. She did your hair the way that you usually did it, said you looked beautiful, and then the next thing you knew, you were standing and watching carriages arrive. 
 Natasha wasn’t there.  
You honestly didn’t know if it was worse or better for you. 
When the fanfare was finally over and the door to the grandest chariot of them all opened, you held your breath. And then, before you could even stop yourself, you thought, I’m about to see what a true monster looks like. 
He was a big man. Muscular, sturdy looking, and intimidating. You immediately understood why he came off as so hostile in the letters, and it was because he was so scary looking that he could get away with nearly anything. You tilted your head upwards in defiance, meeting his eyes even though he cocked a brow at you, easily recognizing you as his betrothed, and as a woman who was directly challenging him. 
He took a few steps closer, but like he knew of your extreme aversion to him and the way that you had two people beside you that would defend you fiercely, he stopped at a far enough distance. His expensive shoes dug up your grass, and you would have flinched if it weren’t for his steely, self assured voice coming your way.  “You must be my wife.” 
You couldn’t even scoff. “Not yet.” 
“But tomorrow is coming,” he said, looking around the estate, clearly pleased with the way it looked. He nodded his head once, twice, and then three times, before his gaze settled on you again, and he looked you up and down. “Couldn’t ask for anything more.
***
it literally astonishes me that this was supposed to be four chapters long, at most. but then again, it was supposed to be a fucking one shot just like all the flowers will bloom- so why am i surprised? i can’t write none shots for shit guys... 
please like and reblog if you liked this lil installment! i hope you guys have a great rest of your day/night :)))) 
taglist!
@teenwonder  @msmarvelsmain @saamwilscn​ @procrastinatingsapphictrash @fayhar @8plasma @slut-for-nat @dontmindmejustreading @swords-are-cool @200605chaeng @thescottishavenger @antidaytime @jenny-song @madamevirgo @natasha-danvers @blackxwidowsxwife @shycucumbersandwich @dailyavengering 
@xxxtwilightaxelxxx @ima-gi--na-tion @chickenhavewisdom
i’m pretty sure i didn’t forget anyone, and if i did, i’m sorry!
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yuyupowers · 3 years
Text
aristocrat!seonghwa
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aristocrat!seonghwa x fem!reader
genre: fluff
trigger warning(s): patriarchal society mostly. let me know if there’s anything else!
author’s note: none of the pictures are mine!!
for reference, i’m using british peerage (hierarchy). there are five ranks: baron, viscount, earl (count), marquess, and duke - the highest being duke, and the lowest, baron.
second son of a duke
i imagine seonghwa to be someone who values tradition
unlike hongjoong who finds who finds the numerous aristocratic mannerisms pointless, hwa believes upholding these (rather stringent) rules is a sign of respect
perfect gentleman pt.1
excellent in swordsmanship, horse-back riding, and hunting
well versed in poetry, literature, art, and finance
(can maintain a conversation about politics but honestly it kinda goes over his head)
a bit on the shyer side, but a decent conversationalist
good at keeping the flow and mediating in case anyone becomes a little too heated about their opinions
definitely cares about his and his family’s image
naturally caring and tends to dote on those close to him
(translates into excellent manners)
holds the door open, offers his hand when stepping out of carriages, makes sure to walk on the side closest to traffic, diverts conversation when things are too “distressing,” wouldn’t be caught dead alone with a woman that wasn’t related to him or his fiancée/wife
and surprise, surprise !!
this is where you come in
you’re the second oldest daughter, fourth child out of six; born to an earl
hwa’s family had the highest title bestowed upon aristocracy
whereas your family accumulated more wealth and land than the park family
and since both you and hwa were prime marrying age™, your parents decided upon a mutually beneficial marriage
the first time you met seonghwa was under the watchful eye of both your parents, when the park’s invited your family for dinner
tbh, you were pretty relieved when you met him
“prime marrying age” was different for men, so you were just glad he wasn’t some old geezer
and he seemed like a decent person !!
a well put together gentleman, and his image was only consolidated throughout dinner
all in all, you didn’t have much to complain about from the initial impression
though it was kinda annoying when your little sister would not shut up about how he was the handsome man she’s ever met
even if you agreed
and didn’t she say that when she met woo?
anyways
after the first meeting with the park’s, both your parents set up multiple occasions for you two to meet
whether that be evening walks, picnics in the park, etc,,,
you learned a great deal about seonghwa 
how his favourite is black, how he loved the stars and that his favourite planet was mars
how he loved kids and doted on your youngest siblings (much to your sister’s glee)
how he enjoyed spending a quiet afternoon with you reading dickens, discussing afterwards the contrast between carton and darnay
how he was always considerate of your feelings and opinions
you liked to think you were a decent judge of character and thought overall that seonghwa was a kind and caring person
but you also noticed a few characteristics that-
you wouldn’t say it was off-putting or anything but,,,
it might bother you in the future
see, you were pretty good friends with hongjoong
and while you weren’t as extreme,
(you didn’t sneak out weekly to hang out with a bar maiden that you definitely did not have a crush on)
you certainly agreed with him on certain points
like hwa, you thought that abiding by certain mannerisms = display of respect
but unlike him, you didn’t care all that much about your image
okay, that was a lie.
you couldn’t say you didn’t care about your image
(social ostracization isn’t exactly fun ya feel)
but you thought it was,,,exhausting
it’s one thing to be respectful, but it’s another thing to say things you don’t mean
to fake humility
to undermine people that are supposed to be your “friends” or “one of you”
to be perfect, when “perfect” was such a subjective term anyways
it just felt so fake and that left a bitter taste in your mouth
even now, you could see all the efforts seonghwa made to constantly keep his image of a “perfect gentleman”
with perfect mannerisms and perfect answers and perfect-
yeah, it kinda frustrated you
not to mention how obedient he was?
of course you didn’t fault him for being a dutiful and filial son, but his loyalty blinded him
and it wasn’t like his parents were bad people !!
no, you’d say they were much kinder than the average noble family
especially considering their status
but when they made important decisions for their son without consulting him,
(because they were more experienced, because they knew better, etc,,,)
and he accepted whatever decision they handed to him?
well,,,
nevertheless, despite being his fiancée, you, by this point, had realistically had known seonghwa for a couple months
and you didn’t feel like it was your place 
(at least not yet)
to point this out
so the two of you continued your cordial but emotionally distant meetings
that is until “the incident” (as hwa fondly likes to call it)
okay, so-
one day you paid hwa a visit and the two of you decided to take a walk in his family’s garden
chattering about this and that
a lovely time !!
it was a bit overcast, but it didn’t look too threatening
so the two of you ignored the clouds looming in the horizon and wandered deep into the garden
big mistake
the weather took a turn for the worst, and soon it was pouring
by this point seonghwa was a little panicked
he knew that for women, getting ready could be excessively long and tenuous task
(courtesy of his little sister’s complaints)
and now !! you were getting rained on !! because he didn’t bring an umbrella !! just in case !!
!!!!
he turns to you, ready to shield you with his jacket and lead you back to the manor
but he’s at a loss by what he sees
he had expected you to be upset, to huddle closer to him, to,,,idk, maybe reprimand him for this thoughtlessness??
but instead, he finds you staring up at the dark sky, eyes shimmering with barely contained glee with the biggest smile he’s ever seen from you adorning your lips
he likes your smile
and if he was already confused (he was), he was about to become even more so
because the next thing he knows, you’re hiking your dress in one hand and grabbing his in the other, running through puddles of water and mud and everything in between, laughter falling from you like the rain
up until this point, you had been acting like the perfect (you hate that word) lady
polite, demure, charming-
in public settings, you only spoke when spoken to, with a voice that was purposely soft and soothing
you chatted with his mother and sisters about traditionally feminine things over tea with impeccable manners
whenever you two met, you were always prim and proper; never a strand of hair out of place
but here you were, getting not only yours but his clothes soggy and muddy, laughing without a care about how pleasant it sounded or how loud it was
seonghwa liked to think he wasn’t a judgemental person-
he wasn’t repulsed or anything by your sudden change in demeanor
just.
really confused
and when you looked back, you could tell,if his expression was anything to go by
but your grin only grew wider, because you could work with this
he wasn’t enjoying himself per say; a bit too confused and bit too stiff to do so
but he wasn’t horrified or disgusted
okay maybe he was a little grossed out; he liked to be clean thank you very much
you could work with this.
and so over the next few months, you showed him things he never dreamed of doing
some of which he liked, some of which he didn’t
some he was willing to try, some, less
like sneaking into the restricted section of the library (he’s never been so scandalized in his life)
or visiting the kitchen in the middle of the night so you could teach him how to make some basic recipes (which he surprisingly enjoyed)
or meeting hongjoong
(“of COURSE it matters if they got the colour wrong?! lord help me you’re the most insufferable person i’ve ever met-”)
and the more the two of you explored, the more he,,,real he became.
and vice versa.
gradually, the mask of perfection he worked so on hard to maintain was slipping before you
don’t get me wrong, he’s still kind and caring and a gentleman
but sometimes he would whine and complain when you encouraged him to do something he was less than enthusiastic about (usually something that involved getting him messy)
or he made The Face™ (the disgusted one) to you and when he didn’t like something or someone
or he would be stupidly stubborn about some random fact that you KNEW was wrong but he just WOULDN’T admit if even when you showed him proof
(“seonghwa for the last time toads don’t give you war-” “LALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU” “eye-”)
once, he even playfully stole the strawberry from your cake
(big mistake. he’s never doing that again. he never knew a woman could move so fast or be so scary.)
it made you so, so happy because the two of you were finally getting to know each other
actually know each other
then one day, while the two of you were reading underneath a tree at the park
“,,,hey love?” (hwa)
“yes?”
“why are we doing this?” 
“what do you mean, dear?”
“i mean,,,i’m not complaining, but i guess,,,why did you decide to show me this part of you? the part that runs around in the rain?” hwa
you don’t reply right away
instead, you shut your book and idly stared at the willow swaying over the pond, wind running its fingers through its drooping leaves
after a few moments of silence
“,,,i wanted to know you and what you believed in. actually believed in.”
seonghwa tilts his head slightly to the side
“love, i hardly think my convictions have changed”
“but do you know what your convictions are?”
and you know when you hear something that resonates with you?
something that strikes deep in your core and makes you rethink everything you’ve know?
yeah,,,this is one of those moments
now it was seonghwa’s turn to set his book aside, falling deep in thought
after an unnaturally long stretch of silence, you began to panic a little
because ?? maybe you misread the situation and got a little too comfortable-
cause i mean you were questioning his core values, which is something he takes very seriously
o god you messed up didn’t you o crap you need to apolog-
“will you help me figure it out?”
“,,,huh??”
“will you help me figure out my convictions?” he asked
and you swear, you’ve never seen such a smile from seonghwa
one that conveyed a plethora of emotions, ranging from honesty and vulnerability, to confusion and loss, to lightness and warmth
it filled you with an unnameable feeling
like something sliding into place, fitting perfectly; like it was always meant to be there, filling you with comfort
shyly intertwining your hands for the first time, you looked up to meet his gaze with a pattering heart and a smile matching his own
“,,,of course.”
129 notes · View notes
stxleslyds · 3 years
Note
Hi I love reading your answers!
I’m trying to read as much comics as I can and I kind of have mixed opinions on Jason’s run after he resurrected, I feel like there were some writers that took advantage of his “supernatural psychosis” and made him look too crazy. There are a few writers I definitely don’t like like Lobdell (and a few others I forgot at the moment) but when he was written during that era it kind of feels like they forgot that he has his own moral code despite the Lazarus Pit effecting him? Would the Lazarus Pit effect him THAT much that it would cloud his judgement and make him act against what he believes in? I’m not really sure if I will still feel this way later but I’m just curious what your thoughts are? Jason is still one of my fav DC characters tho lol
Hey Anon, I am glad you enjoy my answers!
I have some sort of complicated news, the Lazarus Pit and what it is able to actually do has been modified plenty, by both DC and fanon. For example, the pit cannot bring people back from the dead (there is an exception but that pit can only bring one person back to life, but that one has nothing to do with Jason), what the pit does is regenerate and heal all wounds, physical and mental. The Lazarus Pit doesn’t make anyone immortal just because they took a dip in them, Ra’s kind of immortal because he bathes in Lazarus Pit water frequently and that keeps him “young”.
Now another side effect that has been heavily distorted by fandom is the “Lazarus Pit Madness” which I believe is what you are referring to when you said “supernatural psychosis”. The real name of the side effect is called “Lazarus Pit Rage” and its temporary and is suffered immediately after getting out of the Pit, it doesn’t last long, it is like hyper reaction to a stamina shot and is often depicted in comics by having however comes out of the pit screaming and making angry faces.
There are two versions of how Jason came out of the Lazarus Pit after being pushed. In Batman Annual #25 (1940), Jason was depicted as screaming as he took his first breath and in Red Hood: The Lost Days #1, he was depicted as emerging from the pit like a sort of angel, there was no screaming.
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If he were to have felt the side effects of the Lazarus Pit rage, he would have felt them right there, whether he experienced that or not isn’t clear, in both issues that I mentioned above, as fast as Jason comes out of the pit, Talia takes him away and makes him run away because Ra’s wanted to kill Jason.
What we see though, in both issues, is Jason starting to remember his past life after he has contact with information about Batman, Robin or Joker. Jason had no memories or very few because he suffered brain damage when he died and when he came back, he was in a coma and then in a semi-vegetative state. His memories come back only if something triggers a memory.
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Batman Annual #25
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Red Hood: The Lost Days #1
When the memory of his death, the Joker and Batman was triggered he became enraged because Joker was still alive and Batman had another Robin. Whether this is due to the pit rage or just Jason having very strong feelings is debatable. I believe Jason’s memories triggering after being dormant for so long and them being so violent and hurtful is more than enough for Jason to react in a violent and sporadic way. So, if you ask me, there is no pit rage involved at that time, but maybe others think differently.
Writers like Tony Daniel (Battle for the Cowl) and Grant Morrison (Batman and Robin) wrote Jason like a crazy, bloodthirsty villain. If they wanted to blame Jason’s actions on the pit rage, they never made that clear (maybe I don’t remember correctly), the way I see it none of those writers really know what or who Jason and Red Hood were supposed to be so they wrote the most OOC characterizations of Jason to this date.
Lobdell is a weir case because he never took the time to explain anything, we just know that he changed everything including how the Lazarus Pit actually works. Lobdell wrote his story by making Talia taking Jason’s dead body and putting him in a pit in order to bring him back to life (once again that’s not how those work) and after Jason came out of the pit, Talia immediately took Jason to the All-Castle so he could be trained by Ducra.
So having said all that I will actually answer your questions now (sorry for always rambling way too much).
“…but when he was written during that era it kind of feels like they forgot that he has his own moral code despite the Lazarus Pit affecting him?”
No, they didn’t forget, it was just bad writing, at that point in time the Lazarus Pit would have had no effect on Jason. The pit rage happens immediately after you get out of the pit and during the events of Battle for the Cowl and Batman and Robin (volume 1), Jason had been back in the land of the living for more than two years.
In Lobdell’s case, he has written Jason as being angry after he trained with Ducra but Lobdell himself credited that to Jason being “and angry little pup”, “reckless”, and “not being able to see his full potential”.
Jason’s moral code disappeared after UtRH, and was brought back again when Winick wrote Lost Days in 2010. We sort of saw a glimpse of that moral code in Urban Legends: Cheer #6 by Chip Zdarsky but it was surrounded by very weird writing, maybe if we are lucky Rosenberg will pick up on that moral code when he writes Jason next.
“Would the Lazarus Pit affect him THAT much that it would cloud his judgement and make him act against what he believes in?”
Absolutely not. Because the pit rage is temporary and because Jason was feeling anger from his very own feelings and even while feeling that way Jason still fought for what he believed in when he killed one of his teachers that was running a child trafficking operation in Red Hood: The Lost Days #3.
He felt angry and all that but he was functioning properly anyways, he trained and he had his own thoughts, he was in complete control of himself.
-
Those are all my thoughts I hope they came out a little bit comprehensible, its really hard for me to answer questions in a short and simple way, I have to fix that…
What comics have you read? I recommend Arkham Knight: Genesis by Peter Tomasi if you ever want to read an alternate universe version of Jason (it has nothing to do with comics, it is based on the lore of the Arkham games).
And hell yes! Jason is amazing even if he has a complicated history with bad writers. Jason Nation! whoop whoop!
I hope this answer was enjoyable, and that you have a wonderful week!
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sugurus-slxt · 4 years
Text
are you tired of this? - Iwaizumi
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Type: angst (happy ending)
Warnings: cursing, mentions of mental illness
Note: Y’all are married in this story and um I’m not so if I mess up well I sincerely apologize
Hope you guys enjoy the story
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Thursday [11:15 p.m.]
“I just came home a little late what’s the fucking problem?” He shouted at you for the second time tonight. “I didn’t say there was a problem Haji. I just wanted to know what came up,” you spoke softly trying to keep a calm composure. The truth was your insides were shaking, every possible bad thought that you could think of hurtled at you over and over. You were just worried something had happened to him, your anxiety had calmed since he came home but it seems you had made one wrong move and here you were. “And I already told you the boss needed me to do some extra paperwork to take in some new trainees,” he spoke harshly but a bit calmer than before. He pinched his nose bridge between his fingers. “I’m not having an argument with you right now, forget it. I’m going to shower,” he turned to walk away from you but you grabbed his hand.
He turned to face you, “What!” He exclaimed loudly making you nearly jump out of your skin. “The dinner i-its getting cold… umm do you want me to heat it up?” You asked hoping he’d calm down, but it seems tonight was different he just got even angrier. He grabbed your wrist tightly, “What the fuck do you think? Dammit all you do is worry and cry! Now you don’t even have common sense. Sometimes I wonder why …” he stopped, words dying in his throat. Tear welled in your eyes; it didn’t take a genius to figure out what he was going to say. Forgetting the pain of him squeezing your wrist, you shouted at him for the first time tonight, “Say it! Say it Hajime!” He stood mouth hanging open, not one word. You couldn’t hold back the tears that streamed down your face. There wasn’t one emotion but instead too many, everything you’ve bottled tonight had busted like a dam.
You tore away from his grip, every inch of anxiety, depression, panic, all the emotions were pouring out of you in tears, sobs and every word you cried out next. “What! You don’t know why you married me? Huh? Is that it Iwaizumi? Well I’m so sorry I worry about my husband ok? I’m sorry that I can’t control when I get depressed. I’m sorry that every day I pray for you to return home safe. Tell what else you wonder about me! Tell me!” You pushed him as hard as you could. “Do you really wanna know what I think because I don’t think you can handle it,” he asked in a scarily calm tone. You knew you weren’t prepared for what came next but your emotions clouded your judgement. Neither of you meant anything you said, you knew that. Well you hoped because you know you hadn’t meant any of it. Every fiber in your body loved this man but tonight you weren’t backing down even if it meant you’d get hurt. “Go ahead!” You shouted pushing him again.
“Dammit stop pushing me! I’ll tell you but don’t blame me because you asked for it,” he never backed down. He knew that would be best right now but he didn’t care today was hard and he was just mad that you couldn’t get that. “You cry too much. You worry much. You get things wrong all the damn time. Something as simple as cleaning the house can end up in a disaster. I am always fixing you fucking messes. Not to mention you are so childish. For fucks sake grow up. Sometimes I wonder why I married you yeah ok because I’m so sick of this,” he stopped, he wasn’t shouting but his tone was angry as he belted out everything he though was wrong. “Haji- I,” you didn’t know what to say. Everything had gone numb. You thought that he didn’t mean it, but he seems so serious so calm. It was scary, it was as if he knew he wanted to say this for a while. May he was tired of you, tired of this, was he going to leave you. He continued but his voice softened, “Sometimes I just want to scream. I get off all of my steam hitting that punching bag till it breaks but nothing helps like letting it out but I’m not mad. I really am not. I'm frustrated and I’m tired. So tired angel. So fucking tired” He hung is head looking at the ground and you looked at him but you just couldn’t see him clearly, the tears blurring your vision as you asked the scariest question of them all, “Are you tired of this? Tired of us?”
He just gave out a sad chuckle and you caught it somehow, in the moment you caught it, the tear that fell on the ground. You’ve never seen him cry. This was different for Iwa and you just looked at him as he sat leaned against the wall. You tried drying your tears and went and sat cross-legged next to him on the floor, looking at the ground as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. The silence was deafening but it didn’t stay like that for long.  “Tired of this? Yes Tired of us? Never,” he said softly. Your head shot up, “So you’re not leaving?” He turned and wiped the remaining tears from your cheek and smiled with his tear stained face,” I could never leave you” He smiled it was warm and genuine.  
“I wouldn’t rather do any of this with anyone else. Even if we are fighting. It's ok to make mistakes. It's ok to cry. It's ok to be sad, to be worried or to feel to not do anything. I know this isn’t easy for you. In fact I wasn’t even mad at you tonight, I was never mad at you to begin with. It’s just… ” He says cupping your check and stroking it with his thumb. Your wide eyes held anticipation, “T-thank y-you for saying that. And thank you for b-being honest with me. Even if you said it didn’t make you mad, I- I still want to try for you but Haji I know there’s more so p-please tell me,” you pleaded stuttering in between.
He moved his hand from your cheek and rested them on his knees as he turned to look straight ahead. “I was mad at myself because I always seem to mess up. I –I promised to make you happy, keep you safe and healthy but it seems like I always cause your despair or make your bad days worse. I make you cry, I don’t spend enough time with you. Babe you’re a trophy wife but I don’t think I’m you’re trophy husband. Hah maybe I should have let shittykawa have you all those years ago. I’m sure he’d always make you smile. Gosh… that beautiful smile. B-baby I-I’m so… so …sorry,” he broke down sobbing into his hands. You couldn’t believe it, all this time you thought that you were hurting him and always messing up but he was thinking the same. You huddled closer to him placing the words together on you head.
“Now you listen to me and let me finish o-ok H-haji,” he raised his head to look at you, tears still spilling out of his eyes, you bent forward and kissed them away and he smiled just a bit. “I love you. Only you are ok. Sure I cry, sure I worry and yes it’s about you but it’s because I love you. I’m going to do that no matter how the day turns out. God dammit you could be with me and I still worry because I never want to lose you. My depression and anxiety are always going to affect me but I always rest happily at night because you wrap me in your strong arms and tell me just what I need to hear. You make me feel like the most special girl in the world. Not a day goes by that there isn’t at least one happy moment for me and that is because of you Haji. And never give me to Oikawa. I will kill you myself if you do,” both of you giggle a bit, “You are the only one for me. The only one can make me happy. You are perfect for me in every way possible. I love you so much,” your cheeks are flushed and eyes puffy but you smile not because he needs it but because even now you’re happy with him. He bends over pulling you into a tight hug, “Thank you. Thank you. Gosh I love you so much. I’m supposed to be making you feel better but still thank you,” he buries his face in your nape. You whisper, “You already did.”
You both sat there for a bit just enjoying each other’s warm embrace. He finally rises up and lifts you along with him. “Let’s go take a warm shower together. We can eat dinner and maybe watch a movie. Maybe cuddle too. No definitely cuddle I think we need that. Ok with you baby?” He looks down at you for a response, “Of course I’d never say no to cuddles but don’t you have work tomorrow?” You ask heart-warmed by his gestures. “Nope. Not anymore. I’m taking a day off. I’m spending it with you. I’m gonna make you smile all day and we can talk about everything but tonight just enjoy each other,” he said kissing your forehead. “If you’re sure. I’m so lucky to have you. I love you so so much,” you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. His lips molded against yours perfectly, moving in sync. You break the kiss, hiding your red cheeks in his chest. “Hmmm. Six years and years with me and you still get flustered. How cute?” he chuckles to himself. “Hey it’s not my fault my husband is practically a Greek god.” He sets you down and pulls you into a hug, “And yes I’m sure. I’m just as lucky to have you, I love you my goddess.” You both spend the night just bathing in each other’s company and love.  
You guys can leave me suggestions or request. I hope you enjoyed it. :)
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twstoric · 4 years
Text
primal instincts
𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒚𝒎𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒂𝒔𝒌𝒆𝒅: Can I request headcannons for the Savanaclaw boys being in heat while dating m!reader? Preferably with breeding kink and primal play please, though no actual preg. Thank you in advance!!!!
𝕡𝕒𝕚𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘: leona kingscholar x m!reader, ruggie bucchi x m!reader, jack howl x m!reader
𝕤𝕦𝕞𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕪: an instinct running deeper than simple desires, you’re the drug to satiate these carnal cravings 
𝕨𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘(𝕤): heat cycles, breeding kink, face fucking, minor cock warming, minor overstimulation 
𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕕 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥: [Headcanon]
𝕟𝕠𝕥𝕖: i’ve never written primal play so that was interesting! though i hope i was able to capture it correctly ( ╥﹏╥)ノ nontheless! i hope you enjoy!
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Leona Kingscholar
You’ve discovered many things about Leona since dating him. He likes to sleep a lot (as everyone else knows) but what you’ve discovered is that he likes to use you as a personal pillow. His head nudges your palm when you caress his head and his ears twitch against your fingers; even in a state of sleep, he seeks your touch (though he denies it when you bring it up…)
So when he avoids you like the plague one day—you’re more than sceptical. You haven’t… done anything to upset him? You even bought him lunch the other day! Though his avoidance isn’t because he’s upset with you like you originally thought. Now you just get excited whenever he holes himself up in his room
Leona is such a prideful person—sometimes bordering in A-hole levels—but during this period of time, when he’s in heat, he’s so docile. Complying with every one of your wishes and allowing you to indulge him for once! 
His mind is clouded over in a lustful haze, body telling him to breed but he’s truthfully never experienced heat with a proper partner before so his mind isn’t sure how to function properly but that’s fine... you’re there to take care of him after all
Once your fingers brush his hand just the slightest bit, something snaps in Leona’s mind and he’s pouncing on you. He’ll pin you down, hands hooked under your legs, and pushes your knees to your chest. You’re bent in half like this, face flushing as Leona’s cock, hard and heavy pushes into you so easily, his mind is screaming at him how you’re so perfect, made perfectly for him—the perfect mate
He fucks like a crazed man. His desires are so strong that he knows nothing else except to push in deeper, thrust in harder, breed you until you’re full. A shudder runs down his spine when he realises this position is optimal for breeding; he’s got you in a mating press
Leona growls, voice rough in his throat and every moan that spills from your mouth just drives him deeper to fuck you stupid. His skin burns, sweat dripping down your bodies as he drives into you harder. Leona will lean in closer, testing the limits of your flexibility, and he’ll whisper to you with a handsome smirk: “You’ll take all my cum, right, herbivore?”
He’s always honest during his heats. Face losing its composure when reaches his peak, coming deep into you with a final thrust; his cum painting your walls in heavy spurts. After that, Leona’s touch is gentle. His fingers will skim over every little bruise and he’ll lick your neck; cleaning you and marking you with his scent. His cock will stay plugged in your hole and his hands will gently curl around your cock if you haven’t cumed yet; bringing you to completion. Even as your body is spent, bordering on overstimulation, you can feel Leona’s cock twitch in you. That was just the first wave after all~ 
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Ruggie Bucchi
Ruggie is a bright and confident person. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him without that easy-going persona but when his heat kicks in, it’s a different story. The stark difference is baffling the first time you’ve witnessed it but you’re always more than willing to help out
His face is painted with a permanent blush, ears flinching here and there; restless as he clutches at his clothes. He’s told you before that staying clothed when he's in heat makes him uncomfortable—the material of his shirt always clinging to his burning skin like a layer of dead skin. So you always take it upon yourself to undress him slowly, small whines leaving his lips at how sensitive his skin gets
Ruggie complains a lot when he’s in heat—something he rarely does on a normal occasion but his complaints are always about how his heats are the worst and he’s not acting like himself and how he wants to touch you so bad. Of course you always try to keep his mind off the negatives—you’re here now; he’s allowed to indulge in you all he wants
You try to keep him relaxed by offering to blow him; Ruggie’s ears pressing against his head in embarrassment but he mumbles a fine and you’re in position. You fist yourself when you take him in your mouth, Ruggie’s cock already leaking precum heavily into your throat and Ruggie grabs the back of your head, slamming himself deeper into your inviting mouth
He fucks your throat in wild abandon, as if he’ll die if he doesn’t and you take him the best you could but before Ruggie cums, he pulls your head away roughly, mumbling a small s’ory, and pushes you down. His breathing is ragged as he potions his cock to your hole and he’s frantically mumbling about how he has to fuck you, fill you up with his cum, make you full
His hips are so flexible; fucking you hard and fast. His fingers curl against your cock and your mind blanks, unable to do anything but take what he’s giving you. The sound of skin slapping against skin fills the air; moans spill without shame and Ruggie slams with all his strength, cumming with a heavy shudder. He falls on top of you like he’s lost all his strength, instantly pressing kisses on every inch of your face he can reach
His tail swishes happily after he’s done. His mind no longer as clouded during the first wave, Ruggie finally realises that he’s still inside you. He’ll flush brightly (somehow deepening the red colour already on his face) and he splutters out a few words before a thought strikes him that… he came inside you. His cum is still inside you and like a perfect mate, you’ve taken everything from him so well that..
Ruggie gets up and you think he’ll pull out but instead he starts to grind his cock into your ass. Of course he can’t really impregnate you but the thought is..  A lopsided smile settles on his face and he presses a kiss to your lips, hips bucking into you.  “Let’s go again, yeah? Juuust to make sure~”
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Jack Howl
When you started dating, Jack had pulled you to the side one day; ears twitching and turning from side to side to make sure no one is around before he tells you with an embarrassed voice: he’ll want to spend his heats with you. You may or may not have popped a nosebleed in that instance but you also remember feeling so touched that he would trust you in his moment of weakness. Now you’re determined to always make everything perfect when his schedule rolls by
Jack doesn’t always let the hazy feeling of lust cloud his judgement—he’s had perfect control over his composure; of course that’s before you enter the room, the air filling with your scent, Jack’s perfect composure crumbles. He touches in with his inner animal and ravage you until you can’t walk let alone stand properly
His tail sways in uncontained excitement, held high in the air as his arms snake around your stomach and he positions you on your knees. When he’s in heat, Jack doesn’t waste any time. His pace is brutal; mind only telling him to take, take take. Anything and everything you can give him. His hands will press against your stomach, teeth scraping against your ear and his voice is rough when he grunts: “You’re so full of me…”
And you are—filled to the brim and stretched to your limit by his cock always hitting your prostate. Your cock uselessly bounce against your stomach with every thrust, pushing you harder against the bed until your elbows give in and Jack still fucks you with vigour; holding your ass up as your cum spurts weakly over your stomach
When Jack finally cums, grinding down against your ass, it’s in heavy globs, making you feel absolutely full. He’ll slowly pull out of you and without his hands supporting him, your body collapses to the bed like a puppet losing its strings. But it’s not over yet
Jack will gently roll you on your back, his face flushing and you can see the desire in his eyes when he looks at you. Just when his cum would trickle down your thigh, Jack’s fingers would circle against your hole and he’ll plunge two fingers in; stuffing his cum back in your asshole
He’ll fuck his fingers into you—with the intentions of making sure his cum stays deep inside and you’re so sensitive you cum quickly just after a few seconds of him plugging your hole. Jack has this small smile on his lips as he watches you take his cum so well and you momentarily forget about the overstimulation
When his first wave of heat subsides, Jack will nuzzle his cheek against yours, nose burying in your neck to take in your scent. He becomes so domestic like this; arms secured over your waist and marking your neck with gentle bites. It doesn’t go past you the way his hand is always placed atop your stomach; rubbing the skin there with gentle caresses
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sparklingchan · 4 years
Text
The Prince and I || Jeong Yunho(Ateez)
Pairing : Reader (fem.) x Yunho.
Word count : 9.2k+
Warnings : Cuss words, minor injuries, Yunho BEING A FLUFFBALL!!
Genre : Fluff, angst, Arranged marriage au, Royal au.
Description : Your marriage to Prince Yunho feels like nothing less than a fairytale - but a fairytale is incomplete without a villain, right?
A/N:  This fic took longer than I thought it would lol  
This is a part of the holiday treats event conducted by kafenetwork.          This fic is for the lovely Anna! I hope you like it and I hope it didn’t disappoint. I’m sorry I cannot tag you here because this site always decides to eat up my posts with tags in it :((
Enjoy!
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"This wedding dress is a little expensive, granny."
The silky cloth slips away from in between your fingers, as quick as sand. You hadn't ever touched a piece of cloth as beautiful and smooth as this one, really. In fact, you'd never ever seen anything like the dress presented before you at the moment. And well, as much as you want to buy it, you knew you couldn't. Not unless you use up all your life's savings.
"I'm sure Ms. Claire here could find us something less...royal." you mutter again when your Grandmother doesn't respond.
Ms. Claire, the owner of the elegant boutique you find yourself standing in this morning, smiles at you sheepishly. "Oh, what nonsense! You will be married into a royal family, y/n. I cannot have you wear a normal wedding dress."
You sigh, turning away from the mannequin that donnes your dream wedding dress and crouching down to speak to your granny, "Granny, we won't have any money left if we buy this."
Your grandmother has been in the wheel chair for as long as you could remember. But she has more energy and life in her than most young people out there, including you. She's like this ball of sunshine who adores you to death. And now that the most important event of your life is slowly coming close with every passing day, you find her enthusiasm increasing likewise. She would wake up every morning and coax you to work out and do your skin care routine every night before bed. Today too, she forced you to allow her to tag along on your last shopping trip before your big day. Though you never say it out loud, your grandmother is nothing short of an angle. And you'd do anything to make her happy.
"I have saved up enough money to buy three such dresses, y/n." Your grandmother says as you lean down , "Miss Claire, pack this one up please."
Miss Claire nods and smiles at your granny, "Surely, madam."
Her assistant takes away the mannequin to get it packed up and billed.
You sit on the small couch present in the room as your eyes roam around the room full of pretty dresses and veils and shoes. It feels surreal all of a sudden, as if you were in a day dream you'd often think about as a teenager.
"What? Do you want anything else? I have enough money for that too." Your grandmother chimes in, rolling the wheelchair a little towards you, "Should we buy one for your mom too?"
Your mom, though equally excited for your wedding as your grandmother, was more on the realistic side. She'd give you a reality check ever so often - about husbands and in-laws and everything surrounding it. You're also not very sure your mom would appreciate spending so much money on dresses in a single day, especially when your wedding stands only four days away.
"No, granny, mom has enough dresses." You run a soothing hand through her grey and thin hair, "Aren't you tired? We've been out for a long time now."
"Do I look tired to you? " she raises an eyebrow, her eyes wrinkling up as she smiles at you sweetly. She's such an adorable little woman that it makes your heart melt everytime she looks at you.
"No," you roll your eyes, "Guess we can go and pick up Maya's dress while we're at it."
"Maya as in your best friend? The annoyingly loud girl from your college?" You snort at your granny's choice of words to describe your best friend.
You hear Miss Claire call you towards the payment counter and before you could move a finger, your granny races you to it.
"Come on, girl, what are you- eighty?" She teases you with a loud chuckle.
And still, you may not say it out loud , but your granny is your whole world. And when you are married off into the royal family of your father's old hometown, the only person you'll miss badly is probably your sweet old grandmother.
Later that evening, after dropping your grandma back home, you decide to walk to your best friend's apartment which is located just a few blocks away from yours. You carry her dress with you but deep down, you know that's not the only reason as to why you wanted to visit her this late at night.
"I need advice. "
"About what?"
"Marriage and life. "
Your best friend's eyes widen at your words. Her lips part as if she wanted to comment something but then stopped herself. "Maya, dude please. I'm terribly scared and I can't talk to anyone else at home." You admit, playing with the hem of your dress. A sudden sense of embarrassment and shyness washes over you but you push all that away before they get the best of you.
Maya puts down her dress on the bed.
"Y/n, I could give you all the advice in the world but believe me, you won't be able to apply it practically. I married a normal man from a normal family. We live in a cozy apartment in a city. But for you, it's different. You'll not marry a common person- you're marrying a prince for God's sake. A Crown Prince on top of that. You'll be living in a castle far away in the mountains. I don't know how my advice would be of any help here, y/n." Maya says, her hand gently patting yours.
You shift in your place, the bed creaking softly beneath you.
Maya is unarguably right - her advice won't be useful in your case. In fact, no one's advice would be useful to you unless they've had a first hand experience with an arranged marriage and a royal life. Yet these facts do little to comfort your growing fear and anxiousness.
"I haven't even met him in person yet. I only saw him over a few stupid video calls and in his pictures. I don't know what to expect." You say.
His Highness Crown Prince Yunho is a pretty busy man it turns out. So busy that he hasn't even been able to take some time out of his duties and come visit his fiancé for a few hours. He's a beautiful man, you have to say. Elegant and stylish and well mannered and everything about him screams Royal. He often texts you in his free time and calls you once in a blue moon. He seems like a nice man indeed, the kind you'd love to marry even without his royal heritage. But being his wife and a Crown Princess is a challenge you'd have to face completely on your own.
"Your granny thinks he's a good man, y/n. Maybe you should trust her judgement. Old people have that in themselves, you know." Maya says with a small smile, "Plus he's a Prince. You'll live a luxurious life, y/n. Don't be so pessimistic! I'm sure things will turn out great."
You give your best friend a tight hug for trying to cheer you up and helping you forget your fears even if it's just for a few hours . That night, as you toss and turn in your bed, trying to keep your mind free from thoughts about your life after marriage, you realise how big of a change this one thing will make.
And you're not very sure if you're ready for that change yet.
♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡
The weather is quite pleasant today, the sun shining softly through the thin curtain of clouds and the humidity deciding to be a little forgiving today but too bad you're stuck inside your room, folding clothes and making sure all your necessities are packed in the luggage.
"Well, this is not how I expected my last day at home to turn out, " you complain to your mother who sits across from you on the bed, helping you pack your things, "But it is what it is, I guess."
Your mom chuckles, placing your folded clothes into huge black suitcase spread open on the floor. "This isn't bad. You're alone with your family and friend, what more do you need?"
A fancy Bachelorette party with your friends and a few male strippers didn't sound like a very appropriate response so you decide to just shake your head.
"Aren't you angry though? Even just a little bit?" She asks. You scowl at the unexpected, out of context question. You are scared and anxious and nervous but angry? Not at all.
"What do you mean? Why would I be angry?" You reply, crossing your arms in front of your chest, "I'm fine."
She sighs, momentarily pausing her actions to face you. Her eyes are a little moist, you notice, and her lips pressed into a sad line. "Your grandmother betrothed you to Prince Yunho when you guys were just nineteen. It is an arranged marriage, to a person you don't know and a family which holds so much power. She didn't give you freedom to choose your own partner. Aren't you angry about that?" She elaborates.
You feel a soft tug in your heart at her words. You've been so preoccupied with worrying about how you'd handle yourself after marriage that you never really thought about this. Even so, when you really think about it, you can't find it in yourself to be angry at your grandmother.
"Granny and Prince Yunho's grandmother were best friends, mom. They made a promise and I respect that. Plus granny never forced me to say yes. I did that on my own account. " you explain yourself, your hand slowly reaching over to squeeze your mom's shoulder, "Don't worry about me. I'll manage. I always do."
Its rather funny how you were the one needing assurance from Maya a few nights ago and here you are, repeating the same words of encouragement to your mother. A part of you is obviously still terrified of the future, but that's not your mom's problem to deal with. It's entirely yours.
Your mom sniffs, but a tear manages to roll down her cheek, "I'll miss having you around. Why couldn't she have arranged your marriage to a normal person who lived in the same city?"
And then it finally dawns on you. It really is your last day at home. Your last day in the city you so dearly loved, your last day in the house which has seen you grow from a little baby to a beautiful, young woman. It's your last day as y/n y/l/n, your parents' only child and your grandmother's favorite grandchild. Tomorrow, you would be a Princess, a wife, a person of political importance. And your heart breaks a little at the thought of never getting this life back again.
"Mom.." you mutter, your eyes tearing up as well. Words fall short when it comes to describing how much you'll miss everyone and everything here. Starting from your friends to your family to the smallest of decorative items in your room that you've managed to collect over the years. It's like a piece of you would just cease to exist. As the night grows darker and the day crosses over to the next one, you hold your mother close as the both of you let out the quietest of sobs and realise that this might be the last time she'd have you all to herself.
♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡   
The journey from your parents' old house to Prince Yunho's ancestral palace is short - not with respect to time but with respect to the fact that amidst tearful eyes and memory flashbacks, the car ride gives you little to no time to settle your hurricane of thoughts.
As your dad's car slowly pulls over in front of a huge black metal gate, you are welcomed with a view that seems right out of a fairytale. The Royal palace is located in the most beautiful locations you've ever been to, a place you never thought could exist in real life. It almost feels like you are in a dream. With the beautiful backdrop of lush green mountains in the back, the Palace stands tall on the foothills of the mountains. The pastel pink walls and the carefully carved window panes look ethereal with contrast to the tall black gates that securely surround the palace. A group of servants are rowed in front of the man main entrance, with warm smiles and trays full of welcome drinks.
But you're far too mesmerized by the place to bother consuming anything at the moment.
This place - this breathtakingly gorgeous palace with the biggest gardens and tallest fountains- would be your home. For a long time, home meant your crammed little apartment which always smelt like cinnamon and bread. It had no big gardens, no servants, no fountains but it was your home. Your safe place. You wonder if this place could ever feel like home.
"Geez, y/n, I'm so jealous." Maya whisper-squeals in your ear as the servants lead you inside, "Do you want to exchange husbands?"
You nudge her gently with your elbow, "Shut up. Or I'll have you thrown out."
You are made to walk through a quiet hallway that has a huge wooden door at the end. On both sides of the hallway, pictures and paintings and vintage weapons are displayed like in museums and the marble floor beneath you shines like water under the sun. Every nook and corner of this place is a treasure waiting to be discovered, you realise.
The servants open the wooden door and lead you inside into what appears to look like a Throne Room. Now, you'd never really been to one before but movies and books have taught you that this is what a Throne room probably looks like - with a Grand Throne placed at the very center and numerous chairs placed on either side of it. The walls in this room are graced with more pictures and paintings of kings and queens and common people and soldiers. You wonder if your picture would ever be up there somewhere in the future.
"Oh, hello lovely people!" A manly voice booms through the hall, "I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long."
A few quick taps of feet on the floor and there stands in front of you a very familiar face - as if you'd almost seen him in a dream.
Black tuxedo, perfectly styled hair, a walkie-talkie in his hand, the man before you looks right out of a James Bond movie. "I'm Choi San, Prince Yunho's personal secretary and the royal family's representative for the day."
He claps his hands together, "Her Highness the Queen Regent, Her Highness the Queen Mother and His Highness Crown Prince Yunho sadly couldn't be here since they have some important charity event to attend. I deeply apologize for that. In their place, allow me to welcome you to the Jeong family's Grand palace!"
"You'll all be taken to your rooms now because you must be tired from the journey. If you need anything, just tell one of these servants."
The servants nod at San and signal you and your family to follow them.
"Uh, lady Y/n. Mind if I have a word with you?" San interrupts.
Although surprised, you nod as you let your family walk off to their rooms.
"Yes?" You ask San.
San's eyes are focused on your frame - every movement, every expression, every word - he's observing you as if to make sure you're the right person for Prince Yunho. You feel self conscious all of a sudden.
"Yunho did say you're a charming person. I just didn't think I'd agree with him before, but now..I definitely do." San giggles, offering you his hand, "I'm Choi San at your service, madam. Your wish is my command."
You bow gently at him, "I'm y/n y/l/n. It's nice to meet you too, sir."
San chuckles, "Please don't call me that, your Highness. I'm your employee. Besides I have something important to talk to you about. "
The last few words form a tight knot in your stomach, fear finding it's way through your veins.
"Y-yeah?"
"You have a coronation ceremony tonight. I hope you know that. We've already hired a stylist who will take care of all you from now on. She'll meet you immediately after lunch." San explains, "And here's my business card. Contact me if anything comes up, okay?"
You gulp as you accept the shining business card from him, "Thanks. I'll do that."
San smiles sympathetically, as if he understood the fears swimming inside you. He offers you a gentle, encouraging pat on the shoulder.
"I know how you feel. A palace is a scary place, I won't deny. But if I can survive here, so can you. Plus you have Yunho. He's the nicest man a person could ever ask for, I'm sure." San says.
Your whole body relaxes a little as a soft breeze of comfort washes over you with the words leaving San's mouth. This is what you'd been wanting to hear for a long time - a reassurance that you'll be safe and okay as a member of the Royal family and that Prince Yunho might be a person you could love. But for now, you focus on keeping your self calm.
"Now, do you mind walking me to my room? I find myself a bit lost." You giggle.
San finds himself chuckling in response, "Of course, your majesty."
♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡
When San had told you that you'd have your own personal stylist, you did not expect this . Even in your wildest dreams, this is not something you'd catch yourself wanting.
The beautiful blue gown clutches to your upper body at just the right places and then flows down your waist like a beautiful waterfall under the sunlight. A diamond necklace graces your otherwise empty neck complimented with matching earrings. The stylist - Alisa - puts your hair up in a pretty bun and then places a beautiful diamond tiara on your head. And when your eyes finally land on your reflection in the mirror, your mouth hangs open with no words but just air slipping out of it as response.
"Do you like it, your Highness?" Alisa asks with hopeful eyes. Her shy smile giving away the fact that she wants you to like what she's done, her efforts and ideas.
You have to blink hard for a few more seconds before coming to terms with the fact that you look so beautiful right now. A part you is in denial while a part of you is jumping around, doing a victory dance in happiness. You weren't used to seeing yourself look this good. Your heart leaps at the thought of Prince Yunho seeing you like this - almost like a princess who's lived in castles all her life. And then you realize that you would be one ; in only a few minutes.
"I love it, Alisa. You're brilliant!" You exclaim, wrapping your arms tightly around the stylist in happiness. By Lisa's stiff response, you are sure you'd taken her by surprise. Royals do not go around hugging normal stylists yet this hug was a symbol of your thankfulness towards her for putting so much effort into you, to make you feel special. Alisa's proud smile reaches to her eyes as she quickly works on placing the brooch pin in the right place on your dress.
A knock on your room's door attracts your attention and you are quick to fix yourself in case it was someone from the Royal family.
"I'll get that." Alisa jogs quickly towards the door.
When the door creaks opens, you see a familiar face standing there - familiar enough to know it was your fiancé, the most handsome man you'd ever laid eyes on, with the kindest smile and brightest eyes. Your heart stops beating for a dangerous second.
"Oh, hello your Highness. " Alisa greets him, bowing slightly, "Miss y/n is ready to go."
And when Yunho looks at you, your soul as if escapes your body. "H-hi, Prince Yunho."
He walks towards you with warm, red cheeks and perfect black hair and a stylish black tuxedo and offers you his hand, "It's nice to finally meet you, my lady."
How does one ever respond to that? How does one ever behave in front of an actual, real life prince, who also happens to be your fiancé? He presses his lips to your fingers ever so gently.
The butterflies in your stomach go wild.
"Shall we go now? Everyone's waiting for you, my lady." He asks.
You nod, wrapping an arm around his, "Yes."
The short walk towards the throne room is mostly filled with a comfortable sense of silence, except for the times when Prince Yunho points at some random picture on the wall and talks about it. Your eyes seem to be following every movement of his, and everytime your eyes meet, you find yourself melting under his gaze. You are smitten by him and there's no denying in that.
On entering the throne room, all heads turn towards you - ministers, relatives, your family, Yunho's friends, San and all servants present there observe you as Yunho walks you down the flowery aisle leading to the Throne. You could feel everyone's eyes on you, scary yet exciting, they follow your every movement and every word and every expression.
And when they bow down slightly as you stand on the right side on the Throne, you realise these people weren't just bowing at Yunho, there were also bowing down at you. Because you'll be his wife tomorrow, a princess, a figure that should be loved by the people. The only thing keeping you grounded is Yunho's gentle hand softly clutching yours. It's as if he could sense your inner turmoil before even you do it yourself. "Are you nervous?" He whispers in your ear.
"Yes, a little. "
"Don't be. I'm here with you."
The main door to the hall opens and two women walk inside, at least ten soldiers walking in front and behind them, guns at ready and eyes critically scanning all the faces.
The older woman, who you assume to be the Queen Mother and Yunho's grandmother, wears a sweet smile and walks as gracefully as ever even in this senile age. She waves gleefully at the crowd bowing down to her. On her left stands a slightly younger woman, Yunho's aunt and the Queen Regent who has been the ruler of this kingdom after Yunho's parents passed away in a tragic accident ten years ago. Rumor has it that the Queen Regent is a strict, emotionless ruler who has no mercy for criminals and is harsh with all the employees of the palace. You notice her serious gaze fixed in your direction and shudder in fear even though you've barely ever talked to her before.
"May the Queen Mother live long! May the Queen Regent live long!" Someone chants and the others follow suit in the blink of an eye.
You suddenly feel as if you are in some period drama.
The Queen Regent takes her place on the throne while the Queen Mother takes a seat on the left side of the Throne. A single wave of the Queen Regent's hand and the crowd goes completely silent.
"Hello to everyone gathered here today. I am very, very glad to welcome a new member of the family - lady y/n y/l/n. She is to be the wife of my beloved nephew Yunho and the future Queen of this kingdom. Please give her a warm welcome!"
The hall erupts into claps and cheers and your name being repeated as if in a chant. Your grip on Yunho's arm tightens.
"I'm there, my lady." He says again, "Don't be afraid."
San brings out a huge sword and places it in the Queen Regent's hands. This sword is what you assume to be the Jeong family's old, sacred sword used by generations and generations of brave kings and queens to protect themselves as well as the citizens of their beloved country. This sword is a symbol of pride and victories. And a lost history.
"As per ancient traditions, I will now be crowning miss y/n as a princess before her wedding with the prince tomorrow. From now on she will be called her Highness Crown princess Y/n. She is an important member of our family from this day forth."
"Y/n, go on and kneel in front of my aunt." Yunho whispers, nodding at you with a proud smile, "You're doing so great already."
You comply by his words and kneel in front of the throne, your head hanging low and eyes squeezed shut with anxiousness of what is to come.
"Welcome to the family, y/n." You hear the Queen Regent's voice before she gently taps your right shoulder with the tip of the sword and then the left one. You feel a few droplets of water being sprinkled on your face.
"Rise, Crown Princess. Face your people and let them welcome you with open arms."
It is done. You are a princess now. This can never be undone, this name, this title will stick with you till the end of time. You're no longer a normal girl with small dreams and basic requirements, you're a future Queen now.
Rise, Crown Princess.
And you do.
♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡
Every person has dreamt about their own wedding at least once in their life - whether it is in the peak of their teenage or in the innocent wonders of their childhood or the wildest dreams of their adult years, this thought found itself in everyone's mind.
You had one such dream too.
But your dream had always been very simple. A nice man, your closest friends and family, a cheap and beautiful wedding dress, a small party with limited people - that is all you've ever wanted. You didn't want a gathering of four hundred people who you barely knew, the new reporters shoving their cameras into your face, heavy make up or expensive jewelry, or a husband who you barely knew. But guess that is what the Gods had written in your fate. And you have no option now than to accept things the way they are.
You don't remember much from the wedding ceremony or the huge party that follows, really ; you only remember Yunho's lips pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead when the priest asks the groom to kiss the bride(probably the best part of the day), your grandmother's tears of happiness and Alisa and San winking at the two of you after the ceremony was over. Everything else felt like a blur, as if your head had been underwater all this while.
An hour or so into the party, Prince Yunho asks you to walk with him. Alone. Though reluctant, how could you ever say no to those innocent eyes? The discomfort from being surrounded by hundreds of unknown people slowly disappears as the two of you walk around the garden, your eyes never meeting but a sense of familiarity settling between the two of you.
"I'm not used to this, you know." He says with a shy smile.
The sky is beautiful, decorated with stars and a full moon but nothing compares the glow on Yunho's face when he turns to glance at you.
"Used to what?" You enquire, "Having so many people here?"
He shakes his head, "No. I'm used to having a lot of people here. That's all I've ever seen. What I'm not used to is this. Having a partner or someone else live in my room with me."
"So...?"
"I'm happy about it. I really am. But I know you're new to this royal lifestyle and we barely even know each other that well but I hope you don't regret this marriage. Because I'm sure that I won't. " Yunho sighs, "And if you ever feel like it's not worth your time anymore, you are more than free to leave. Forget about everyone else, do what your heart says. "
The last phrase catches you off guard. It is very, very rare to find people who give you this sort of freedom in any arrangement. The fact that he opens up his thoughts to you makes your heart leap with happiness. And a little sadness too that he'd think you'd leave him so easily.
"Hey," you pat his arm, "I'm not leaving anytime soon. I promise. We made a vow, didn't we?"
Yunho blushes at your words, but under the bright moonlight it goes unnoticed by you.
"Do you mind if I hold your hand?" He suggests after a few seconds of silence.
The butterflies in your stomach are seemingly having the time of their life these past few days.
"I don't." You slide your hand into his and your fingers intertwine almost instantly. His warm palm presses against your cold one, bring a sense of comfort you never thought you'd ever experience. In the midst of a chaotic royal gathering and the paparazzi trying to sneak in through the gates, you and Yunho find a small world for yourselves that no one else can ever have access to.
And for the first time in months, you realise that this marriage might be worth more than what you thought it would be.
♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡
You've always wondered what the people in royal palaces do. Do they spend all their time greeting the citizens and walking in the gardens? Do they keep dancing in the ballroom all the time? Or do they busy themselves with war conspiracies?
Sadly you realise that royal life sounds very exciting and extravagant only when you're not the one actually living a life like that. And this conclusion dawns on you only after ten days of the wedding.
The first week is packed with activities, alright. Visiting the common people and distant relatives and going to various public events. Your curiosity was at its peak till a few days ago, but now here you are, sitting on the edge of your soft bed, phone in lap and eyes drooping with sleepiness, wondering how to keep yourself occupied.
"Y/n?" The door creaks open as Yunho peeks inside shyly, "Can I come in?"
You nod, "It's your room, Yunho. You don't need my permission to enter."
"Oh, I was just making sure you weren't doing anything you didn't want me to see."
Oh. Your cheeks turn into crimson fruits as his words finally hit you.
"Anyway, I actually came to get my file. But I saw you sitting here. Are you bored?"
Are you? Heck, yes!
"Yes." You reply almost guiltily.
Chuckling, he leans down to press a loving kiss on top of your head, "Come on. I'll show you something."
You took pride in the fact that after only a week of staying here, you knew the palace fairly well. The corridors and paintings and artifacts and the workers weren't as foreign to you anymore. Yet the path Yunho takes you to seems weirdly unfamiliar.
Guess new surprises await everyday.
Soon enough, your steps halt in front of a huge wooden door labeled as ' library '.
Rows and rows of books welcome you the moment you step inside, Yunho leading the way into the most beautiful library you'd ever seen in your life. As always, paintings grace the wooden walls and a huge crystal chandelier hangs from the middle most point of the ceiling.
"Yunho...is this..what heaven looks like?"
The smell of old and new books hit your nostrils as you run a gentle hand over the book kept in the shelves, feeling the various materials of book covers brush past your fingertips.
"Maybe." Yunho responds with a grin.
Yunho's heart feels full with adoration and content at the sight of you dancing around the books shelves, gleefully taking notes of the books you plan to read on the days to come. Your eyes curl up into crescent moons as your toothy smile seems to have taken Yunho's breath away. Beautiful is what you look. Simple and elegant and so innocent.
All his life he's spent among royal people, people with political intentions and lots of money. But you make him feel differently. Being with you feels like a breath of fresh air for Yunho. And who wouldn't like that?
"Earth to Yunho." You click your fingers in front of his face after you catch him staring at you. Not that you didn't like it, but you had to do something before you turn into a mush before his eyes, "What are you thinking?"
"Oh, um..nothing." you. He was thinking about you, "How about I ask the workers to bring my office stuff over here? I can work here while you read. I don't want you to be alone."
A shameless grin plasters over your lips.
"I'd like that, Yunho. I'd like that very much. "
♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡
"How's the married life treating you?" Your granny asks you this question every damn time she decides to call you. 
And surprisingly somehow, you always answer positively to her query.
"Well, good. I think so at least. " you smile to yourself, remembering the soft kiss Yunho had placed on your head as he left for an official trip this morning. Even in your half asleep state, your cheeks had turned bright red, "Prince Yunho is a nice man. "
"Oh, of course he is! I wouldn't have asked you to marry him otherwise, you idiot." She yells at you although you know she's smiling through the phone, "Anyway, I can't talk for long today. I have a doctor's appointment so I'll need to dress up for that."
That comes as a surprise, "What? Are you sick ?"
"God, no. I'm not a weakling, okay? It's the regular check up. Don't worry." She says, "Bye now. "
The line goes silent.
Sighing, you put your phone down on the night stand. On times like this, when the room is too quiet and you are too lazy to walk out and talk to other people, you start missing home. A lot more than usual. Your house, though only consisting of four people was way too noisy from sunset till sundown and somehow, you'd gotten used to it. The quietness has yet to grow on you.
A slight knock on the door attracts your attention and you immediately allow whoever it is to come inside.
"Oh, Alisa. It's you!" You exclaim as relief washes over you on seeing a familiar face.
"Yes, your Highness. How have you been?" She bows down to you, "Are you able to adjust to this new life?"
"I've been okay, you could say. Still a little overwhelmed whenever I have to face people but I think I'm getting there." You laugh a little.
Alisa gives you an understanding nod, "I totally understand. But I'm glad you're feeling more comfortable. By the way, I came here to ask you if you wanted to visit my boutique in the town nearby. It's a new one and I wanted you to come see it before the inauguration. "
Your heart jumps at the offer. You remember back in your college days, you would often go shopping with Maya, especially on weekends. The two of you would wait for months for a sale or special offers because online shopping sometimes just doesn't do it for you. You smile, nostalgic, "I'd love to go."
"And then maybe we could go and eat in the pizzeria nearby. It serves the best pizza in the world, I swear."
This is just beyond tempting at this point, a literal trap to have you step out of the role of a royal Princess and embracing the careless city girl inside of you and who are you to keep her hidden for too long?
"What are we waiting for then?"
♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡
Yunho surprises you every now and then.
On the outside, he is a strict man with the sharpest of brains and the most observant eyes. The title of being a crown prince sits heavy on his shoulders and with every passing day, the weight just get heavier.
On the contrary, the Yunho you get to see everyday is very different. Soft and cheerful and smiley, he's the literal embodiment of the sunshine and your heart doesn't seem to rest everytime you see him.
It must have been roughly a month since the wedding when he makes an impromptu plan of visiting your city and your parents' house since it had been a long time you last saw them.
"Heard you were going to your parents house?" You had gotten ready to go before Yunho did, so instead of sitting in your bedroom, you decided take a short walk outside in the gardens. And as you strolled around aimlessly among the flowers and bushes, deep in thoughts, you had come across the Queen Mother sitting by the water fountain.
"Yes, your majesty." You reply, rather intimated by her aura.
It's hard to accept sometimes that this person is best friends with your grandmother, when the both of them are as different from each other as the two poles! Your grandmother is the ever so sweet, smiling, supportive person. You would never see her angry or upset. But on the other hand, the Queen Mother is uptight, very quiet and rarely ever smiles. Just like her daughter, the Queen Regent. Maybe it's a royal thing but you're glad you don't have to see this serious side of Yunho on a daily basis.
"Good. The farther from here, the better." She mumbles.
You are alarmed at her words, "I'm sorry?"
She sighs, her walking sticking tapping the marble wall of the fountain, "Y/n, I adore you. I might not show it but I'm glad my grandson has someone like you to make his life less lonely. But you have to be careful. Not everyone is appreciative of a person of common birth being crowned as a Crown Princess. "
Fear slowly clutches you in its palms. You had gotten very occupied with Yunho and being a crown princess and making new friends, you admit. So occupied that you let your guard down. And the Queen Mother's words sound more like an advice than a threat.
"Should I be worried?" You ask, your skin going cold at the thought of someone actually wanting to hurt you.
"Not yet, no. But be very, very careful. You cannot trust anyone here. Not even me. The only person you can lean on is Yunho. Why? Because he might be as much in danger as you."
Have you ever seen how people start panicking when any sort of alarm goes off? Yeah, thats exactly how you feel at that moment.
"Y/n, let's go!" You hear Yunho call you from the front gate, already taking his seat inside his car.
You bow at the Queen Mother before jogging towards Yunho, your heart no longer into the trip as it were a few minutes ago.
Yet seeing your parents and granny after so long did comfort you.
They had prepared this small barbeque party in your backyard, your dad playing guitar and purposely singing badly to embarrass you while your mother shows Yunho your childhood pictures. And the food, oh, the food! The five star chefs from Yunho's palace could never replace this comfort food you had at your parents house. It might not be well decorated with garnishes or spices or fancy plates but it made you feel like everything will eventually be okay - which is exactly what you needed at the moment.
The entire evening you try hard to talk to Yunho but when your house is full of three excited adults, it is hard to do that. Around one am in the morning, you finally find yourself in your old bedroom, Yunho's fascinated eyes roaming around the room that feels like it were straight out of some teenage romance movie. Where in reality you'd honestly been too lazy to change the room's layout once you outgrew your teenage obsessions and interests.
"You seem to be liking my room a little too much. " you chuckle, scrolling aimlessly through your phone, your face partly squished into your favorite pillow.
The boyband posters, old polaroids from your school functions, romance novels stacked up neatly by the nightstand - all of this is as foreign to him as his palace is to you.
Yunho lies down beside you, still in awe of the room, "Yeah, it literally mirrors your personality. "
"How?"
"I can't explain it, you know," he clicks his tongue, "But everything in this room screams y/n. Like everything here is made only for you."
You raise your eyebrow at his words. He's very observant, that you've noticed, but the fact that he knows you this well in barely a month warms your heart.
"What about our bedroom in the palace? Is it not made for me?"
"Oh, it is. Of course it is. But you're staying there because you have to, right? Because we're married and all that." He replies.
"No, I'm not. I told you Yunho - I'm staying there because I want to." You say, now no longer in a mood to joke around.
Suddenly, the words from The Queen Mother swim back into your mind, as you start seeing her words in a completely different light.
Yunho has somehow always expressed how he is unable to believe your presence around him and how he acts like you're doing a favor by doing that. And you find yourself wondering if Yunho knows what she'd said to you. The danger that looms above both of your heads must not be as much of a secret to him than you thought it would be. So instead of confronting him, you decide to comfort him.
"We'll be fine, Yunho. " you drag your hand towards his, your body relaxing the moment he squeezes it back, "Both of us."
Yunho looks at you with love and desire clear in his eyes, his free hand slowly dragging towards your face. You could see it now- the loneliness from the loss of his parents and the negligence from his aunt and grandmother throughout his childhood still very much exists behind the mask of a happy prince. You do not know the language of royal people or politics but you do know the language of love and more than a stupid gold crown, he needs someone to love him. And thats exactly what you intend to do.
Was it too soon? You didn't care anymore. And you know for a fact that he didn't either.
You lean in close and press your forehead to his, "You're not alone anymore. Okay?"
You see him smile from your hooded gaze, your breath mixing with his in an intoxicating mixture. "Thank you, y/n. You have no idea how much I appreciate it."
And that in itself are a combination of words much more heavier than a simple 'I like you.'
♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡
"The Queen Regent wishes to see you."
San runs up to you the first thing the next morning, right after breakfast.
"Why?" You ask, your eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
You had a plan to accompany your granny and the Queen Mother to their small tea party in a nearby Farmhouse but you couldn't obviously say no to meeting the Queen Regent. Because well, she's the Queen.
"I don't know, your Highness. I try to stay away from her as much as possible but whenever our paths do cross, she always assigns some work to me." He whines, "Go on, I'll tell the Queen Mother that you're occupied. I will be heading out with Yunho right now anyway."
Shaking your head in annoyance, you make your way to the Queen Regent's office.
Her office smells like expensive cigars the moment you step inside, and the full ashtray on her table only feeds into your conclusions.
"You asked for me, your majesty?" You ask in a low voice.
When she looks up from writing in her journal, your heart skips a few beats in fear. Her eyes hold no resemblance to Yunho's angelic ones or even The Queen Mother's serious ones. They look like two deep, bottomless black holes that swallow everything and anything in its vicinity. Her long hair is tied in a braid and her lips quiver passively upon seeing you.
"Ah, yes." She replies, "Please have a seat."
You take the chair in front of her desk, uncomfortable at the close proximity between you and the one person who everyone tries to avoid.
"How are you?" She begins, closing her journal and keeping her pen inside the drawer, "How are things going with Yunho?"
"I'm good, thank you for asking. And yes, things are going well with Yunho."
Her question seems odd, but you let it pass.
"Okay. That's really great to hear. Anyway, I met your husband a little while ago. And he asked me to tell you that he intends to see you on the rooftop alone later tonight." She raises an eyebrow, a gentle smile playing on her lips, "Looks like he has a date planned."
Her words seem too far fetched to be true. Too unrealistic. Not the date part though, but the part where he specifically ask her to pass on the message to you. He could have easily asked San or Lisa or even told you in first person, so why would he choose the Queen Regent out of so many people when he you've barely seen him talk to her?
But you're a Crown Princess, and she's the Queen and you cannot question her. "Okay, I'll be there." You get up from your seat and bowing gently, "Thank you for letting me know, your majesty. By the way, did he mention what time I am to go ?"
"Oh um...Around seven in the evening?" She's fumbling on her words, and you're sure she's lying about something.
Still you suppress your doubts and walk back to your room, hoping to find the truth behind her words this evening at seven.
The entire day goes by in the blink of an eye, but to you it feels like an eternity. The curiosity has you sitting at the edge of your bed, ready to make a run for it if any danger ever comes your way.
Yunho, who was out with San for some official work has surprisingly not texted you today at all. And it only adds to your doubts of the Queen Regent being a liar.
And when night finally falls, you find yourself tense up more than you'd done the entire day.
The night is quiet, calm but beautiful and as you step into the terrace and the soft wind kisses your face, you almost believe the Queen Regent's words. Maybe Yunho did really plan a surprise date for you. Because this is everything that Yunho likes. A beautiful night and a company he loves.
The terrace stands high giving you a beautiful view of the entire palace complex, the gardens and everything beyond. And for a moment, your worries diminish as you step near the railing, inhaling the fresh air and you feel safe.
But, you see, that's where you are wrong. This imaginary cloud of safety that you'd thought was around you was never there in the first place. Since the first time you stepped into the palace, all eyes have been on you - on every action, every activity, every word. You'd always been swimming in a dangerous sea. One wrong move, and you realise the shark is right behind you. And just how the Queen Mother had told you, you were only ever safe with Yunho by your side. But he isn't here anymore.
So it doesn't come as a when a pair of rough hands give you a single, harsh push, sending you falling right down five floors.
"You will never be our queen." Is what you hear before your vision dissolves into a black hole.
♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡
When you were six years old, you fell down your bike once while trying to copy some stupid stunt you'd seen people on television shows do. The excruciating pain that followed the fall was something which you thought you'd never have to experience again. That was the kind of pain which hurts you down to your very bones, sending waves of shock through your body with a single movement of your hands.
And that is exactly how you expect to feel the moment you open your eyes and come face to face with a familiar ceiling. But all you feel is sore, like how you feel the morning after exercising after a long while.
The bandages on your arms and abdomen indicate that your fall wasn't as bad as you thought it'd be but it was, nevertheless, a fall which was very much done on purpose.
"Y/n, honey, are you awake?" You hear Yunho's groggy voice coming from somewhere near the foot of the bed you lie on.
"Y-yeah. What happened?" You manage to sit up even though your body feels heavy with fatigue, "How did I fall?"
Yunho appears by your bed side in the blink of an eye and your heart clenches with relief when he bends down to kiss your head.
It feels like you hadn't seen him in days, years, where as it had only been around two days since you passed out. Yunho had rushed back home the moment he found out about it, leaving all his stupid official work for some other day. Hell, he would happily give up all his responsibilities if it means he could see you and keep you safe. He'd cried for nights and days, never leaving your side even when the nurses would change your clothes or bandage dressing. The mere thought of you never waking up again was too dark for him, especially when he'd found such a happy place in you. You are the owner of his heart and everything else that he could give you. You are, literally, his only family member. His whole world. And if he loses you, he would lose himself with you.
"A-are you okay?" He sits down on the bed, holding your hand so tight as if he was afraid you'd disappear if he let's go, "does it hurt anywhere?"
"Just a little bit, but I'm okay. I feel fine." You say, smiling through your busted lips.
Your smile as if breaks a wall he'd been holding onto for days, and his eyes immediately tear up.
"I'm so so sorry, y/n. I should have been there. I should have been protecting you. I keep forgetting I'm not a stupid guy with a normal life and that people I associate with might get into trouble anytime. I'm so sorry, I should have protected you from my Aunt and Alisa. I'm so fucking sorry."
Aunt? And Alisa? What is he taking about?
"Yunho, what are you -"
"They planned it. The entire thing. They purposely sent me and grandma away so no one would doubt them. Aunt had supposedly promised my hand in marriage to Alisa a long time ago but Grandma got us married instead. They were angry. So angry that they went ahead and tried to k-kill you. " he sobs into his hands, the tip of his nose turning bright red, "Alisa was the one who pushed you. They forgot to remove the CCTV footage."
You freeze for a second, Alisa's betrayal hurting you worse than The Queen Regent's. You almost thought you could find a friend in her, just like Maya. You trusted her. You felt safe around her when in reality, she'd only been a time bomb - waiting to blow up.
"Alisa did?" You mutter, your lips drying with fear, "I-I don't know what to say. Yunho, I- I can't believe Alisa would do this."
"I didn't either. But both of them have admitted to it. The police took them. I'm so sorry, y/n. " Yunho rubs his tears away, "I talked to your granny and parents. They said you could move back in with them. The divorce will take about a year or so to get finalized but you don't have to stay here till then. You can go back home whenever you want."
Your heart crushes in your chest. The fear of abandonment Yunho carries within himself yet he has the guts to let you go is something you would forever admire and hate in him. How could he think this way, especially after you've reassured him countless number of times that you're here to stay.
"I didn't agree to a divorce. What the fuck are you even cooking up in that mind of yours?" You say, stern and angry.
He looks up at you, his guilty eyes making the pain in your chest more painful.
"Y/n, please, you cannot stay with -"
"Shut up. Just shut up. I don't care. I don't care what you think. I am an adult and the crown princess of this kingdom and I will do as I please. " you almost yell, "I am staying here, with you, for better or worse. I told you I wouldn't leave. "
Yunho bursts into tears, wrapping his arms gently around you, hiding his face in the crook of your neck as you gently pat his back, reassuring him that you'd always stay. No matter what.
"Y-you might get hurt again, y/n. I don't want you to stay and get hurt again." But his tight hold on your body tells you otherwise.
"We're both in danger for the rest of our lives. Does that mean we stop living?" You whisper, pulling away from the embrace only to grab his chin, "Does that mean we stop loving?"
He shakes his head as his lips curve down and a shaky sob escapes his mouth, "Nothing will ever happen to you again, I swear. I will keep you safe. You will not have a reason to complain again."
You nod, dabbing his tears away with your thumb, "I know. I believe you. "
You stare into his eyes - his beautiful eyes made of the finest stardust that make your brain go hazy every morning that you wake up and find them right beside you. And that's exactly how you choose to wake up every morning till the end of your days.
"Is this the part where we kiss or what, because I've waited a long time -" he cuts your blabbering off by finally placing his plump, peachy lips on yours ever so tenderly.
He steals all the air from lungs, driving you breathless and crazy with every movement of his lips on yours and the gentle touch of his fingers on your face only adds to the unbounded euphoria you feel at the moment. He's beautiful. Even with your eyes closed, you know that he is beautiful. And not just with his face, he is a beautiful man inside out. He is yours and nothing in this world can ever change that. So when he pulls away, panting and out of breath, and gently kisses your forehead, you say, "I love you, my prince."
These words. These damn words that he'd waited for months to hear, nights he spent dreaming about hearing them. And he has to mentally slap himself to make himself believe this all to be true.
Stealing a quick kiss from your lips again, he whispers, "I love you, too, my princess. "
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whumperooni · 4 years
Text
for shame
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Pairing(s): Natsuo Todoroki x Sister!Reader, Enji Todoroki x Daughter!Reader
Tags/Warnings: incest, feelings of shame and humiliation, unprotected sex, exhibitionism, voyeurism, breeding/pregnancy talk
Word count: 2k
A/N: This was brought on by a big brained nonny. I had a lot of fun daydreaming this/writing this ♡
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It’s been a long day for Natsuo- a hard test, coffee spilled on his favorite jeans, his phone charger stolen, his essay given a poor grade; all of that added up to a long day for him.
A shit day if he’s being honest- one that he thinks can’t get much worse.
He’s proven wrong, of course, whenever he gets home and opens the front door only to be met by loud moans. His mind first jumps to “fucking Touya brought home another girl and is banging her on the couch again” and his nose wrinkles along with the thought, an aggravated huff leaves him.
It’s only when he hears the squeal of “Daddy! Daddy!” that he realizes that those loud cries sound very familiar.
Natsuo gulps, frozen in the middle of toeing off his shoes, and stares down the hallway with wide eyes.
There’s...there’s no way. You aren’t- he’s not- no. No. If you were going to fall into something so horrible and ruining it wouldn’t be with him, it would be with-
Natsuo slams the breaks on that thought before it can finish and shakes his head, desperately tells himself that he’s mistaken.
It’s not happening. It can’t be happening.
Another loud whine and Natsuo gulps, finds his feet taking him to the living room despite his mind screaming at him to just turn around and leave the house for another good three or four hours.
There’s a gasp and a whimper that sounds right before Natsuo peeks inside the living room and it’s something that Natsuo thinks is horrible simply because it sounds so hot.
Please don’t let this be what I think it is, Natsuo pleads to whatever gods may be listening to him. Please don’t let it really be happening. Please don’t let it be with him.
The gods don’t listen- that or they’re just being cruel, spiteful.
Natsuo peeks into the living room to find his sweet, beloved sister in their father’s lap- your hips arched into big hands, your small ones gripping onto broad shoulders as Enji Todoroki thrusts his cock into his daughter’s soaked little cunny.
All at once, Natsuo’s heart breaks, his temper boils, his fists clench, his face flushes with rage and horror and shame.
Rage because how could his father do this to his daughter, to Natsuo’s most treasured and adored sister. Rage because how could his sweet little sister let their father do this- how could you let him fuck your wet, wet pussy? How could you let yourself moan and mewl like a perfect little whore while Enji spears your cunt with a cock that should be much too big for anyone to take?
How could you do this with “daddy! daddy! daddy!” instead of your beloved Natsuo-nii?
Horror and shame rushes in after his rage and a sick, hot pulse of mortification has Natsuo slapping a hand to his mouth, has his guts twisting with the sudden impulse to throw up.
How could he think that?
...probably for the same reasons you could be in Enji's lap.
Natsuo swallows down his sickness and he curls in on himself as self-disgust hits him harder than one of his father’s punches. He’s horribly aware that he’s half-hard and he hates himself for that- hates how hot he finds it whenever you throw your head back with a loud whine whenever Enji brings you down and makes you take him fully, whenever Enji moves your hips in a stir and lets out a growl of, “So needy, little one. You take my cock so well.”
Blood rushes to Natsuo’s head- to both heads, actually. He goes from half-hard to achingly, fully hard as you whimper and try to move to ride Enji, as you whine out a soft little “daddy, please, more” whenever you’re forced to stay seated on his cock instead.
A choked noise claws its way up and out of Natsuo’s throat- he can’t believe you’re so needy; he can’t believe you can take such a big dick; he can’t believe that he’s so into the way his little sister begs so prettily to be fucked.
God, how many time have you done this? How many times have you fucked your father?
Natsuo’s heart pounds hard, but it pounds harder still whenever turquoise eyes flick up and meet his own.
He recoils in an instant- fear and shame and embarrassment racing through him- but he doesn’t run away even with his instincts screaming at him to bolt and hide and not come home for a long, long time. He’s frozen in place, unable to tear his eyes away from the way Enji grips your hips tighter and makes you shudder and arch your back.
He should run. He needs to run- who knows what Enji will do now that he’s been found out?
Natsuo’s fingers twitch along with his cock and he swallows hard, stares down his scowling father.
Rage is sneaking its way back into him- rage over being embarrassed and ashamed and fearful when it’s his father that’s gotten caught fucking his daughter, fucking Natsuo’s baby sister. Why should Natsuo run and cower when it’s Enji doing something so obscene?
Natsuo holds his ground despite his wide eyes and the jackhammer thumping of his heart.
Enji narrows his eyes and then he lifts his head- haughty with a look of authority, challenge as his eyes move from Natsuo and back to your pretty face.
“So impatient, little one,” Enji rumbles out. “You need to be fucked that badly?”
A whine from you and a nod. Natsuo can’t see your face, but he’s sure you have a trembling little pout, flushed cheeks and hazy eyes. You probably look so fucking good. God, he- he wants to see you all needy and pouting to be fucked. He shouldn’t want to see that. He absolutely should not want to see that. You’re his little sister- he can’t want this. He can’t.
Natsuo’s cock throbs in his sweatpants and he almost draws blood from digging his nails into his palms to keep from touching himself.
“Daddy, please! I wanna- I wanna be-”
You cut yourself off with another whine- hips trying to arch up and move along your daddy’s cock. There’s a low chuckle from Enji and Natsuo hates the smirk playing on his father’s face, the smug way he slowly slides you up his dick and forces you to take his slow, slow pace.
Enji stops when you’re half-way up his cock and Natsuo has to slap a hand over his mouth whenever Enji makes you lean forward, arch your hips. Natsuo can see how his father’s dick is parting your swollen, dripping lips with the new position- can see it even better when big hands grip your soft cheeks and spread you open even more.
It’s the hottest thing Natsuo has ever seen- lewd and disgusting and so filthy that he almost whimpers in need.
You probably feel so good inside.
He’s such a horrible older brother to want to know how slick and warm and honeyed your little cunny is.
Bile rises in his throat in contrast to how pre-cum spills in his boxers and Natsuo grips the door frame tight with his free hand whenever you let out a needy, sweet sob.
“D-Daddy, please! Please! I want- wanna be fucked! Daddy fill me! I need it!”
The smirk grows on Enji’s face and Natsuo’s fury roars among the dizzying swirl of emotions clouding his senses and judgement.
Why the hell are you begging Enji for that? He doesn’t deserve it- he doesn’t. If you’re going to do this with anyone in the family it should be the one who takes care of you the most, the one who has always been there for you.
Natsuo deserves to have you begging for his dick.
(God, he wants you begging for his dick- he wants to hear you cry out “nii-chan! please! please!” so fucking bad.)
“Shh, little one,” Enji says- voice almost soothing but not quite making it with a growl reverberating in the words. He kisses your cheek and he cants his hips up slowly to sheath himself in you once again- locking his eyes again with Natsuo as you whimper and mewl.
“Daddy is going to fuck you, little one,” Enji rumbles out- loud and so fucking pleased with himself. “I’m going to fuck you. Fill you. Give you what you need.”
You sob, the sound pitching close to a wail as you’re stretched open again. Natsuo’s vision is almost going spotted from everything now- he’s so overwhelmed and everything is so much and he is so fucking hard and all he can think now is fill you fill you fill you- i want to fill you as he watches Enji thrust languidly up into your needy pussy.
Enji kisses your cheek again and his eyes go half-shut as you tremble, as he watches his son struggle with his desires in the doorway.
“Daddy is going to fill you,” Enji continues- not looking away from Natsuo for one second. “Daddy is going to make you a momma, sweetheart. I’m going to give you a little one.”
You cry out a “please!” and Natsuo breaks.
He bolts from the doorway before he can process the action- runs to his bedroom and closes the door behind him, sinks to the floor and sticks a hand down his pants. A moan leaves him- loud and shameful, perverted as he frantically jerks off to the image of his little sister getting fucked by their father and the desire to know how you would feel on his cock, how horrible and wonderful it would be to cream your sweet little cunny and stuff you full with him instead of Enji.
Natsuo grates out a rough breath and he jerks as he starts to come- hips battering against his fist and the world rushing and roaring around him as he cries out your name.
He comes harder than he has all year and he falls to the floor after- panting and curling up into a little ball as shame tries to devour pleasure and greed, hunger, and want boil through his blood.
He wants you. He needs you. He’s so fucking awful but he needs you- needs your soft hands on him and your lips pressed to his, his cock filling your pussy and his seed spilling inside you, out and down your soft thighs.
Natsuo hears you cry out in the distance and he squeezes his eyes shut, hates himself as his dick throbs and envy washes over the mortification that should be taking over him.
He feels disgusting. Horrible. Hungry.
He wants to be the one fucking you and he hates that, but it’s not enough to stop him from reaching a hand down to jerk off to the thought. It’s not enough for him to replay the image of Enji spreading you apart over and over again in his mind. It’s not enough to keep him from moaning and rutting into his fist like some needy pervert. It’s not enough to keep him from coming to the thought of you begging for his cock.
It’s not enough to keep him from laying on the floor- a flushed cheek pressed to cool wood and his mind racing with a million schemes to get you into his bed.
...if you’re going to do it with Enji, then why not with Natsuo? Why not with your big brother?
If the number one hero can fuck his little girl, then why can’t Natsuo fuck his baby sister?
(It’s so wrong and he knows it. Is disgusted by it. By himself.
But, god, he wants it and after seeing you with Enji- with his father, your father- he knows that you probably want it just the same. He knows that you’d be happy to crawl into your nii-san’s lap like a good little girl and ride his dick like you ride daddy’s.
...if you’re okay with it, is it really that bad?)
Natsuo swallows hard and he squeezes his eyes shut, curls up tighter on the floor.
He’s a horrible big brother.
In the distance, you moan and mewl as your father fills you with his seed. Natsuo quietly, regretfully wishes that was him filling you instead and he sinks into a murky pit of pleasure and hopelessness, frustration and desire.
Natsuo had been wrong- his day actually managed to get a lot worse.
(Or maybe this is better?)
Natsuo grimaces and he forces himself to stand, wipes his dirtied hand on his sweatpants and heads to the bathroom so he can try to wash away his sins.
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speechlessxx · 4 years
Text
In The Rain. (Chris Evans x Reader)
Summary: Can a classic case of miscommunication be solved before the rain puts out the flickering light of love? 
Warnings: trash. lmao. this is better than my radio silence, so... lol... fluffy, angsty (you know the drill)
Word Count: ~2k
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The lights flickered for only a second when the bright streaks that painted the sky were followed by deafening claps of thunder that shook your house. The rain was heavy as it pounded against the windows and the harsh winds were no kinder, but they were nothing compared to storm brewing within you.
A deep sigh escaped you as the blanket around your shoulders slipped off and pooled around your waist. You had a warm coffee in one hand and a book in the other while you sat at your reading nook watching the dark sky. It was a collection of poetry with several multicolored Post-It flags sticking out from its pages. Each color represented a feeling a poem elicited, and you found yourself flipping to those with a dark blue flag – the color of sorrow, heartbreak, sadness. In all honesty, it was self-pity.
You weren’t sure why you lingered for so long. Nothing but history and memories were keeping you in his life. The amicable breakup left you detached yet still attached to him. And what made everything worse was that you were still in love with Chris.
The breakup shocked those closest to you. You and Chris were – well … – the most unsuspecting perfect match. You were two completely different souls that balanced one another out. You complemented one another – hell, you completed each other. You were two independent entities that pushed the other to become a better version of themselves. The energy shared between you was radiant and the love was consuming. It was pure and unfiltered. Passionate. You weren’t one to believe in true love – in soulmates, or even twin flames – but then you met Chris and everything changed.
But like all matches – like all flames – they burn out.
You blamed it on anxiety – on expectations. You never had a long-lasting relationship. Chris was the first man you ever felt a true connection to – and that scared you more than you let on.
He was nearing 40 – the ripe age to settle down, to have a family. Although you were certain you wanted that with Chris, you weren’t sure if you wanted that now. Your reluctance had you absentmindedly push him away. You began to untether yourself to him. Untangling the beautiful, strong bond you once had until it was nothing but a single thread.
Although it was you that started to pull away, it was Chris who vocalized his unhappiness. It was Chris who instigated. The night you broke up, he refused to listen to your worries and your reasons for your sudden aloofness. “Do you even love me?” He asked you, but he didn’t wait for a response. You already blamed yourself – and it hurt twice as much when he blamed you, too.
It shocked you when you found out he told friends and family the breakup was mutual… because it was Chris who severed it … The supposedly mutual breakup kept an open door of communication for your families. While your family never bothered Chris or his kin, Scott constantly reached out to you, as well as his mother. They’d often invite you to house parties, dinners, karaoke nights… When you’d decline – finding it was a bit of a territory breach – they’d always claim Chris wouldn’t make an appearance but he always did.
Although you were broken up, you were forced to remain friends. You were forced to look at him across a dining table as if you didn’t know his deepest secrets. You spoke casually as if you never spent late nights unburdening your souls to one another. You acted as if you were friends that were never completely in love with each other.
You remembered the phone call from Scott this morning. He relayed a message from their mom, asking you to come to dinner. When you declined, Scott demanded for a reasonable answer. He often found, “I’m your brother’s ex-girlfriend” a useless excuse.
“I still love him, and it hurts because we’re pretending like we were never together.” Your voice broke. “I’m trying to pull away – trying to move on – but I don’t know if it’s me holding onto hope, or if it’s just....” You couldn’t finish your words – you weren’t sure how to. You felt guilty for confessing this to Chris’s brother of all people. You knew it wouldn’t confidential – that he’d tell Chris – but you just had to say it out loud once.
You heard Scott sigh over the phone. Taking pity on you, he decided it was probably best that you kept your distance from Chris – which was the opposite of the goal of him constantly inviting you out. “A storm’s coming tonight,” he mentioned. “And I know how rain helps calm you.”
But it did anything but that.
-=+=-
Chris had some idea of where it went wrong. The night it all ended, he blamed you. He knew he was in the wrong for that.
The night of his outburst haunted his memories, keeping him up all hours of the night. The image of your tearstained cheeks, reddened eyes, and pure heartbroken expression was burned into his mind. He saw it every time he closed his eyes. He remembered how you barely got a word in because every time you opened your mouth to speak, to reason, to argue, he spoke over you with such a heated, rage-filled tone that he didn’t even recognize.
He was afraid to lose you and because of his own arrogance and stubbornness, that’s exactly what happened.
You were unraveling your bond slowly, tactfully while he tore it to shreds.
And he regretted it every single day.
“Is (Y/N) coming?” He asked as subtly as he could while he and Scott set the table. Scott simply shook his head. Chris placed a plate onto the placemat as thunder shook the house, the glasses rattling slightly. “Do you know what she’s doing tonight?” He asked, trying to stay casual though everyone saw right through it. Scott’s brows were furrowed as if contemplating and his mouth was pressed into a firm line. Knowing him for all his life, Chris knew when his brother was hiding something. “Scott.”
“I can’t tell you!” Scott finally answered. That answer pulled at Chris’s heart – were you with someone? Is that why you weren’t here? “She’s just… she just needs a night.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Chris frowned. An upside to this “amicable” breakup was having his family constantly pull you back into their atmosphere. He wasn’t sure if they did it for him (they did), but he was thankful for all the nights you walked into their family home, gracing him with your presence even if you barely spoke. His brother remained silent and Chris called his name again.
“She’s just upset, okay?” Scott revealed. Chris’s frown deepened as he cocked his head to the side in confusion. “She just needs some time to think and heal.”
“What does that mean?”
Scott sighed. “I can’t tell you. She told me not to – Chris… do you plan on getting back together with (Y/N)?”
“Of course.” Chris answered with no hesitation. “I love her.”
“Then, why’d you break up with her?” Scott asked.
The question caught him off guard. Of course, he planned his apology. He planned his dramatic way to woo you back into his arms – to make you fall in love with him again. He didn’t quite know how to execute it – should he have been a cliché with a boombox, calling your name outside your window?
“I… I guess I felt like she was pulling away… and so, I felt like I had to beat her to the punch,” Chris cringed. It was a childish sentiment… But perhaps it was because his ego couldn’t take being broken up with? Or perhaps the thought of losing you clouded his judgement so much and consequently, his fears came true.
Scott scoffed at his brother, rolling his eyes for effect. “You’re an asshole.”
“Yeah and I feel bad about it, but every time I try to talk to her, she closes up.”
“I wonder why.” Chris groaned annoyedly at his younger brother, slapping the palm of his hand to his forehead. “She told me before that she felt as if she didn’t belong with you because you’re ready to start a family and she wasn’t.”
“When she say that?”
“A while ago…” Scott scratched his chin.
“But I don’t… I don’t need a family right this second. I just need her.”
“Does she know that?” Scott asked him. “Because all she knows is that you had enough of her.”
“I didn’t really give her a chance to talk…” Chris confessed. “I just… I kinda just ranted at her.”
Scott sighed disappointedly. “In all honestly, brother, I think you need to have an actual conversation with her… Not just a I’m-gonna-yell-at-you …”
Lightning flashed through the windows as the rain steadily poured. It didn’t look as if it were going to let up any time soon. Chris glanced at the clock. It was early into the evening – if it hadn’t been storming, then the sun would be painting the sky a beautiful orange sunset. Instead it was dark, gloomy – uncertain like your future.
Without much contemplation, Chris rushed out of the dining room, cutting through the kitchen. His mother gasped when he barged through the doors and walked to towards the front. “What are you doing?” She called after him. “Dinner’s almost ready!”
“I’m getting my girlfriend back,” Chris told her. His mother’s worried expression melted into one of pride as she cupped her chest with her hand and gave him an encouraging smile.
“Go get ‘er.”
“Love you, ma,” Chris called before walking out the door and braving through the storm.
-=+=-
The doorbell startled you from your nap. You hadn’t even realized you began to drift to sleep. With little regard about your appearance, you drudged towards the front door, wondering who could be at your house at this hour – especially with a storm like this.
“Chris?” You gasped, eyes widening as your ex-boyfriend was shivering from the rain. He was drenched, standing at your front porch. “Why are you here in the rain?”
“We need to talk.” You felt the blood leave your face. The last time he said those words to you, he left you crying and heartbroken. Thunder rumbled as you stared at him. “Scott told me.”
“Of course he did,” you rolled your eyes with frustration. “Chris, I don’t want to talk –“ You tried to close the door, but he easily overpowered you, keeping it open.
“No, we need to talk about this,” Chris snapped before sighing. “(Y/N),” you always loved the way he said your name. “I don’t want a family right now… I just want you… I just need you.”
You stared at him. Chris was never one to lie. He was terrible at it. His eyes always gave him away. Much like they did tonight when they revealed he was being truthful.
“I’m sorry,” he told you. “I’m sorry I’m an asshole that night. I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to you – that I didn’t even try to listen.” He paused, waiting for you to butt in, but you never did. You just stared at him in silence as you processed. “You’re the only one I want to be with… and I understand if that’s not what you want… You can close the door and we’ll pretend this never happened. We can go back to whatever we were… But I’m not going to ignore this.” When you remained silent, he said, “please, please say something.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t truthful,” you finally said. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about me doubting myself – that I started to push you away because I was afraid of what a serious relationship with you meant…”
He took a step towards you, hands reaching for you. One hand found its home at your waist, the other cupping your cheek. “It’s not your fault…” He said. “I love you and I always will. Please, take me back.”
“I love you, Chris,” you muttered before your hands wrapped around his neck to pull him towards your lips.
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redloftwingfeathers · 3 years
Text
I feel like talking about the shit Zelda not only had to put up with but also what she subconsciously summoned herself and you're going to sit and listen and maybe cry with me okay? Okay.
While I don't think that was very cash-money of 'Hylia' to make Zelda wait until she's reached true, unrelenting despair to finally find her light, it made me wonder how everything came into play that made her journey so painstakingly hard, and not just Hylia pulling fast ones from the clouds. (Trust me I wanted to blame the goddess so bad after that moving performance at the spring of power but wait!! there's more!)
Things I'm looking at are specifically Zelda's anxieties of wanting to be a scholar but having to throw herself to the dogs of religion to keep Rhoam happy, the HEAVY depression she carries with not just from the loss of her mother but also just constantly being berated by her father and feeling like she's not good enough for Hylia, the jealousy and anger she harbors towards Link in their beginnings and how it effects her growth.
All of these are things (coming from someone who is very mentally ill) are ingredients that distract Zelda from her goals, intentional or not.
Zelda has a classic case of "I wanna do This Thing (studying, traveling) but I have to do That Thing (religion, strict orders) instead and now the fun is sucked out of it and my mind is buzzing and now I don't know what to do girl (hylia) HELP"
What's even worse is despite her hand-picked maturity, she KNOWS what is right and what she needs to do (her level of self awareness is impeccable sometimes) but she is still just a child in the end, wanting to live her life without dictation, which causes frustration and anger and can lead to self-doubts.
Starting with the loss of her mother, Rhoam claims that Zelda did not cry at all during the ceremony, and that it proved to him he could still be a strong king with how unwavering his daughter was. And although that's shown as an "awe inspiring" moment, it shows Rhoam does not understand how the processing of grief registers differently amongst people, especially children. She may have not showed it when she was, what, 6? (Not every normal 6 year old understands the fragility of mortality) but you can definitely see it affects her later on as Zelda grows older. It may not be entirely visible at first, but the way they portray it in HWAoC (I know its not entirely canon but bare with me on this) she longs for her mother's advice and comfort when her pleas and ideas fall deaf on the king's ears. Her mother seemed to be a very wise and compassionate queen, where Rhoam is a wise and a very bite-the-bullet king.
When stakes are high he trusts what he thinks needs to be done, and he enforces Zelda to finish her training Because she is part of his plan to push back the calamity. He knows protocol, and there's no room for creative thinking when the land of Hyrule is in danger. (Disclaimer: I hate Rhoam but I can also try to see what Nintendo was doing. He's not intentionally mean, he's an assertive dad that wants to see his daughter succeed (and also hella depressed) but he's really fucking bad at it and comes off as a dickhead. He is the embodiment of a boomer that does things the old fashioned way to get things done).
But all of this pressure he is putting on her, taking away things that make her happy so they don't distract her from her duty, shooting down her ideas because he wouldn't know how to even approach it from his standpoint, it really does a number on Zelda and really births her insecurities.
No matter how hard she prays and dedicates herself to Hylia, it doesn't work. Her mind is distracted, filled with fear and very little hope that the magic isn't Working. What even kicks me in the jaw more is that she's putting all of her effort into these prayers, and it's not even her wish she's making. It's Rhoam's wish. Her Ancestral Family's wish. That's why it hasn't sparked. She's praying on the behalf of her father and ancestors and not herself because she firmly believes there's other ways to settle the score. Zelda knows the importance of her role but its just not clicking when someone else is forcing you to do it. It just doesn't work like that.
Moving onto her liaison with Link, she is, well, in the beginning very irritated with him. Even a little bit after being chosen by Fi. But I don't think she MEANS to be angry at Link, he didn't do anything wrong in all honesty. She shouldn't take out her anger on him, but she's jealous, and he exists...so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
When Link is suddenly chosen by the sword at a drop of a hat?? Yeah she's relieved, but there's also undertones of resentment. All of her Champions are here at the ready and she's still trying to figure out what shoe goes on first. She is the goddamn Princess of Hyrule, one who carries the blood of Hylia in her veins, and this random tiny knight who, mind you, fought tooth and nail to be her escort ends up finding his role before her? She is riding the struggle mule up Mount Lanayru (and I don't really blame her). And when she's exploring the shrines?? She makes it very clear to him she can work independently and does not need an escort, which although understood (freedom is a peace everyone strives for) she is careless regardless of her careful planning and efforts. She's a Princess, wandering Hyrule unarmed (and without her powers) with a horse as her only mode of transportation. You won't see yourself as a target even if they're pinned on your back, and with her determination to utilize these mysterious shrines as more Sheikah tech is being discovered is making her blind in remembering where she's placed in social status. It's dangerous, and I'm glad Link is there to see what she fails to see.
That's another thing too. As they progress and strengthen their friendship, Zelda sees Link as a mirror to question what her role really means. She uses him as guidance to help understand her situation, asking him "If you were told your whole life This is what you're meant to do, to take up your family's legacy...but one day realize this isn't what you want, would you still take the path you've been told to take?" In this case I think it's safe to say this is what Link knew he wanted. He loves being an aid to those in need, and becoming a knight despite following his father's path, this felt like his true calling. The spirit of the hero is VERY strong in his soul, and when he sees someone in need of help [Zelda] he's going to aid them whether they want it or not.
But Zelda still feels so lost, she feels so disconnected from her ancestors, as the previous daughters in the royal families were Given their powers at birth and meant to be awakened when the time has come. They were all given the gift of premonition, to be a medium for Hylia and a messenger of the gods, and overall able to keep Ganon away from the world no matter how many times he crawls back from the depths of hell. Being told your whole life you're meant to be like your ancestors, but not being able to fulfill any of those roles? It makes the past seem like one giant fairy tale when in you're in BotW Zelda's shoes.
No voices, no premonitions, no secret awakenings...Nothing.
At this moment, I finally understood why Urbosa said to Revali about Link. She said he is a constant reminder of Zelda's own failures. Link found his calling by following his instinct. Zelda has yet to figure out what she really wants, and is clouded by judgements not only from her father and people, but from herself too. With every passing day she is undergoing a meltdown, questioning if she is even meant to be apart of this whole plan anymore, probably something among the lines of "Was it meant to be someone else? I'm the only daughter, and yet I can't even do my one job." She lost everyone and everything, she's frightened, it feels like she's lost her faith in the gods, or even dare say, the gods lost faith in her.
But through absolute despair when Link just about gives his life for her protection, that's when it all clicked. She found her power and strength through Link, who was the one that, all this time, taught her about what she needed to do to awaken her powers without even directly telling her. Every conversation she had with him, she saw herself in Link. She saw all the effort he gave into becoming a royal knight, the unwavering determination in his eyes with every Lynel he slew, a never ending supply of optimism and hope no matter how high the stakes were. And yet he was also Free. He followed his path blindly, not even knowing where he'd end up, as long as he knew he was
able to protect those in need. And she wanted that.
He was her mirror, and Zelda managed to awaken herself when that mirror cracked.
Living the burden of being part of a prophecy and saying you're ready for anything, is very reckless. Understanding the heaviness that comes with sacrifice is not truly understood until it starts happening to you.
Zelda found her wish, her independence through Link. Her mind is finally clear and she understands what her role means in all of this.
She is meant to protect, to save, to understand more than just personal loss.
Zelda couldn't stand by idly anymore after everyone told her to do something else and let others handle the job. That was the last straw when Link stood in front of her, shield weak but at the ready when that guardian approached. She saw the desperation and said NO, which finally broke her seal. She chose to sacrifice herself, igniting her powers just as Hylia did for her people. She chose to save her last, literally dying hope, because Ganon cannot be fought alone.
He was the connection, the literal link, she needed to awaken her powers. And I just find that so fucking great.
Anyways thanks for coming to my TED talk I've been typing this for like 4 hours now
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alice-in-wonderart · 4 years
Note
Can I request a pregnancy hcs for Lan Wangji, Lan Xichen, Wei WuXian, Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen? Thank you!!!
Hello, hello, dear. These turned out a tad shorter, since it's 5 characters, (and pregnancy is Xtreme to write) but regardless - I hope you enjoy ❤️ One fluffy request coming right up~
Lan Wangji
"I'm pregnant" "Mn"
It's not like he isn't happy, he just needs some time to realise what you've just told him. And boy oh boy, does he realise it.
*cue smol content smile*
Lan Wangji has already taken care of a child, he raised Lan Yuan. But a baby? That would be a novelty to him for sure. But a novelty he's more than ready for. Even if he doesn't think so.
Despite that, he'd take great measures to make sure he'll be the best father possible.
His excitement would be hidden, but fully noticeable to you. His eyes would sparkle more, he'd generally appear more relaxed, he'd spend more time with you. (as much as possible, that is) The only other person who'd see the excitement in his icy stare would be Lan Xichen, who'd be the second to learn of the pregnancy, right after LWJ.
Now, he isn't the #DreamHusband™️ without a reason. He'd be fully prepared with anything you might need during those 9 months. He'd talk to his brother, albeit reluctantly, for any advice on how to deal with any side effects of the pregnancy, so he could make sure you are heathy and happy.
He'd silently watch over you, always making sure you are not in harm's way. His cold glares would double towards anybody who'd dare approach you about anything, outside of Lan Xichen, Wei Wuxian and Lan Sizhui.
He wouldn't necessarily stop you from going anywhere, although he'd want to but rather - he'd just tag along. You want to go down town? He'd escort you. Want to cook something? He'll help. Oh look, a puppy! Protective husband mode - on.
Sometimes, before the two of you go to sleep, he'd lay a strong hand over your stomach, gently rubbing your skin, basking in the joy, that you are carrying his child - the product of your love. And should the baby kick? A surprised, almost mute yelp would escape his thin lips, before he'd move to leave a gentle kiss on your stomach.
He never thought, never even imagined, that one day he'd have a family of his own, with a wonderful wife right next to him, and a child to call him papa. He didn't even so much as thought he could have one of those "happy endings". It seemed such distant a future, almost as if it was make-belief. Yet during those rare moments in the dead of night, he'd think, that perhaps a happy ending is possible. Perhaps he'd get to experience that normal, domestic lifestyle loving families have. And then sleep would come a little easier, knowing you'll stay by his side until the very end.
Lan Xichen
"Oh?"
What wonderful news! He'd be the most calm and collected out of everybody. He'd hug you, pouring all of his love into the hug, promising to be by your side until the very end, that he'll try his best to be a good father, to take care of you and your child and to love you unconditionally. (which he already does)
The two of you decided not to tell everybody just yet. It would be while before it became noticeable, so you decided to keep it to yourself to avoid unnecessary attention and possible bad omens or whatever. The only person who'd know would be Lan Wangji.
At first glance, nothing much would change. He'd still have responsibilities to get to, he'd still be your loving, kind, compassionate husband.
But every time he is left alone, his mind would immediately travel to you. In fact, such occurrences would begin happening while he's presumably busy too. Zoning out and day dreaming while working were pretty uncommon for Lan Xichen, yet the constant thought of you and your well-being would cloud his vision.
That, in turn, would be a dead giveaway that something was happening in his more personal life. The first to address this would be none other than Wei Wuxian, who'd turn to LWJ. Slowly but surely, more people would begin noticing the slight, yet unusual changes in Lan Xichen. He'd leave a little earlier, reply a little later and he could be spotted with you every second away from work.
When you decided to finally announce the pregnancy, a collective "I knew it" would be all but the response you'd expect.
Behind closed doors, he'd be so sweet and affectionate with you. And don't get me started on how much he'd play music to the baby you. He'd want your child to grow up with music, which included singing and playing different instruments around you before it was even born. And you wouldn't really mind - after all, Lan Xichen's music rivalled the gods' voices, or so it was said.
In fact, with time you'd realise, that your child would indeed react to his music. If the baby was exceptionally wild, kicking and moving around, Lan Xichen's calm melodies would put it at rest. (had this happen to a friend, it was crazy) Even his voice would act as a natural lullaby to the baby.
And you already knew, that the child would grow up to fall in love with music, just like his father.
Wei Wuxian
"Wait what? Really???"
*Happy pterodactyl noises*
The happiness. The joy. The love. The pride. Wei Wuxian would be beyond ecstatic! He'd be on cloud nine the moment your announcement hit his ears. He'd have the most OVER-THE-TOP MELODRAMATIC reaction to your pregnancy imaginable.
Imagine a tsunami. Now replace the water with joy. This is how EXTREME his happiNESS IS.
But then, he'd sit down and talk to you about it properly, about how this baby would change your life together, what you'd need to do, how you'd do it. Together you'd figure out your future, as much as possible that is.
He'd make sure both you and the baby would be well taken care of, well-fed, living a nice, domestic life. He knew poverty, famine and sickness. They were his old friends. He knew what is was like growing up without much on your plate. He knew of every struggle imaginable, which came with being less fortunate, so he'd be ready to do absolutely everything to provide for you.
Once he settled down, believing he's planned ahead well, the realization would finally kick in - Wei Ying, The Yiling Patriarch, Founder of Demonic Cultivation and the pinnacle of darkness and despair, was about to be a father. And with that came in the insecurities. He'd constantly worry whether he'd be a good father, whether he'd set a good example, whether his reputation would ruin his child's life. He knew how judgemental society is, how quick it is to draw conclusions and ostracise those, who stood out. In those moments you'd have to remind him of how far he's come and how much farther you'll go together - as a family.
And a family he's wanted all of his life.
He's had some practice when it comes to kids. After all, for a brief moment he'd taken care of little A-Yuan. But then again, he was already old enough to speak, talk and think completely on his own. Wei Wuxian had never had the chance to actually take care of a baby, a newborn. That thought both terrified and thrilled him.
He'd be quick to announce of the pregnancy to all of his closest friends, but try to avoid spreading the news. Even though he was no longer considered the villain™️, you can never know who's scheming from within the shadows. With that in mind, the Twin Jades, Jiang Cheng, Nie Huaisang, Wen Ning and the Juniors would be the ones he'd excitedly inform. Soon he was going to have his own progeny! Would it be a strong, fearless handsome boy like its father, or an intelligent, masterfully cunning and dangerously beautiful girl like its mother? Stay tuned to find out!
And boy, would he celebrate the pregnancy! You'd almost make him quit drinking just to sympathise with you. Almost.
Xiao Xingchen
"We're going to have a family? Together?"
Words wouldn't be enough to describe what he'd feel. Fleeting worry in between bouts of utter elation and delight, mixed with a hint of surprise and a whole lot of internally sappy thoughts occupied his better judgement. He'd pull you in for a gentle hug, before moving to rest a hand on your head, stroking your hair, whispering lovingly how delightful a family with you would be and how he couldn't wait to meet his child.
He'd want to teach his child everything he knows, everything he was taught and everything he believes in. You'd have to remind him, that there's still much time to go before he'd have a chance to do that. A toddler can only do so much, you see.
Of course, the question about his endless travels would come up eventually. Truthfully, Xiao Xingchen would be more than willing to set his travelling aside for the time being, at least until your child is old enough to travel with you. In fact, a domestic family lifestyle suddenly wouldn't seem so out-of-reach for him and that would bring him utter delight.
The thought of a having his own loving family with a wonderful wife and adorable children had rarely crossed his mind, seeming as nothing more than a distant thought. But as you stood beside him, with a small baby bump and a child on the way, he'd realise that indeed the gods had smiled his way in the best possible way.
He'd often rest his hands on your stomach, wanting to feel the baby kick. Of course, he'd also use that excuse to be ever-closer to you. Physical affection would double, as Xiao Xingxhen found himself attached to you whenever any of you had time.
You two would often joke around about the baby too, since laughter was something sacred to both of you. And Xiao Xingchen would absolutely never fail to make you laugh, whenever worry would overcome you.
" Maybe our child will be as tall as a giraffe" "A-Chen, my love, it's 3 in the morning. Go to SLEEP."
He'd never taken care of a child before, hell you were his first love, but you'd seen him around kids when passing through different villages. His caring nature and innocent heart made him a wonderful father.
He'd never expected to one day have a family, but the very thought that you were there and you were carrying his child, would make his heart swell with pride and love. After all, he wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
Song Lan
"..."
Tall, dark and handsome over here would be utterly starstuck. He never thought he'd get to a point in his life, where he'd actually become a father. He never thought he'd have children, who would become his legacy. And as all that raced through his head, worry swept over him. Did YOU want that?
"Are you happy...we're having a baby?" The first words he'd utter.
"Of course! Are you not?"
The moment he sees your worried expression, his eyes would soften and he'd pull you in, leaving a kiss on the top of your head. "I am surprised, worried, yet thoroughly overjoyed." he'd mumble into your hair and the world around you would melt away.
Song Lan is a man of a few words, but many actions. He'd become twice as protective, keeping a steady hand on your shoulder as you walked thorough town, going out of his way to make sure you're comfortable and content, safe and sound, and of course happy.
He'd try his best to spoil you, getting you absolutely everything you might want or need. He'd even cook for you! He'd put you as his number one priority. After all, you were all he had left.
Would he silently panic whenever your stomach hurt, or you were feeling sick, or just in general felt any discomfort? Yes. Has he read a ton about pregnancy to make sure he was prepared for anything? Yes. Did he imagine every worst-case scenario in existence? Yes. Did any of that happen whatsoever? No. But Song Lan - big scary, dark and broody Song Lan, would absolutely cower at the thought that something so much as MIGHT go wrong. Of course, he wouldn't show it.
Well into the later stages of the pregnancy, he'd try to spend as much time with you as possible, to make sure he was there when the baby was going to be born. You'd already have a few names planned out, no matter the gender. The two of you would be READY. Hands down the most prepared.
He'd often lie with you, imagining what it would be like, being a father. He'd wonder whether you'd have a girl or a boy, whether it would resemble you or him more, whether it would be quiet and stone-faced, or kind-hearted and cheerful. And your answer to all of his what ifs would remain the same. "We're about to find out."
And those exact words would make his heart swell, both with love and anticipation. Of course, he wouldn't show it. But you knew better.
Thank you for reading~
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kopikokun · 4 years
Text
Fabric Softener༄ mark l.
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↳ Having a boyfriend who happens to be an idol isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, in fact, sometimes, it’s quite the opposite.
pairing: idol!mark x reader
genre: fluff, angst
wordcount: 1942 words
Request 30: Mark + “I wish I’d never met you.” (27) + “You’re an asshole.” (137) (A2F)
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— 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝.
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Of course you knew what you were getting yourself into when you and Mark started dating a few months ago. There’s no denying that Mark is an incredibly busy man. Any time you try to contact him, there always seems to be something preventing him from coming to see you. With shoots, rehearsals or just the arduous hassle of going anywhere with a swarm of fans constantly on his tail, Mark barely has any time left to spare for himself, constantly caught in the dizzying world of being an idol.
And of course you understand that. You understand that so well. But it’s so… frustrating. It’s so frustrating only being able to look at your boyfriend’s face from the screen of your dimly lit phone, it’s frustrating to consistently read the phrase, ‘I’ll talk to you later’ and never get a text back, it’s frustrating how Mark seems almost disinterested in you nowadays.
You know it’s incredibly selfish of you to have these thoughts, but no matter how hard you try to smother them, they always find a way to resurface, picking and tearing at you slowly—torturously—from the inside out.
What if he’s just intentionally blowing you off? What if he doesn’t want to see you anymore? What if, what if, what if: those spiteful words keep taunting you.
The last time you saw Mark was what? A month and a half ago? You see your damn cousins more often than you see your own boyfriend at this point.
You sort of wish you had someone to relate to, but who can you possibly divulge this information with? Tattling to someone that you’re dating Mark Lee will only burden him, and again, while you understand, the thought pains you. Burden.
Are you only making Mark’s life harder?
And even when the front door shuts and Mark’s arms snake their way around your waist, that all too familiar yet all too agonising smell of fabric softener and faint sweat floods your senses, you can’t find it in you to be happy.
Mark leans into you from behind, his shoulders loose as he inhales deeply, his nose buried in your hair. “Hey, it’s been a while.”
“Yeah, no kidding.” You shrug Mark off, straightening your loose shirt. You don’t mean to sound bitter, but your tone isn’t exactly the kindest.
Mark’s soft footsteps seem deafening as he stands before you, firmly rooted in his spot and a prominent crease in his thin brows. “What does that mean?”
You hold his willful gaze for a moment before you look away, clenching and unclenching your fists at your sides. You walk past him towards your bedroom, slightly bumping his shoulder. “Nothing, Mark. It means nothing.”
You can audibly hear Mark following after you, his steps morphing from light ones to more forced and heavy ones. “Aren’t you happy to see me?”
“Yeah, of course I am,” you say, “but I shouldn’t get my hopes up because you’ll be leaving in like an hour anyway.”
Mark laughs incredulously. “Excuse me?”
You swivel on your heel, facing Mark once again yet not daring to fully stare him in the eyes. “Yeah, and you’ll ghost me for two months again.”
“Ghost you?” Mark raises his eyebrows. “I was busy. You know that. We just had a comeback recently.”
You frown. “Well, you could at least have called me.”
Mark sighs in exasperation. “I was—”
“Busy. Yeah, trust me. I know,” you deadpan.”
“Well, what do you suggest I do?” Mark challenges. “Since you’re being so demanding.”
“Demanding?” you hiss. “Calling me back and texting is doing the bare minimum, Mark. I can hardly call you my boyfriend.”
“So, what? You want me to spend all my time on you? Slack off on my job, disappoint thousands and drop my source of livelihood? Is that what you want from me?”
You’re fuming now. A raging fire has ignited, lapping at your insides, wreaking havoc and burning down anything in its path. It fills your lungs, the smoke ashy and dense, suffocating you and cutting off your airways. It clouds your senses, hindering your sense of judgement and all those emotions that you’ve kept in check for this past month finally break free, spilling from your lips with no remorse.
“That’s not what I meant! God, Mark, you’re infuriating.” Angry tears blur your vision and you have to physically restrain yourself from swiping at them with the back of your hands. “You’re - You’re being unfair.”
“Me? Unfair? You’re one to talk,” scoffs Mark. “It’s not like I haven’t been trying to clear up my schedule to see you! You’re making me sound like the villain here! If anything, you’re in the wrong. God, I can’t believe how self-centered you’re being! I wish I’d never met you.”
You’re stripped of the air in your lungs. “What the hell did you just say?”
“Wait,” Mark’s outraged expression crumbles, “no, I didn’t mean that.”
“Yes, you did.” Your stomach plummets and the room around you spins. “You’re an asshole.”
Your feet move on their own volition. Your shoulders are heavy, weighing you down, yet your feet find no trouble in dragging you across the floor, bringing you to your room. Your mind is fogged, your shoulders are slumped and the pit of your stomach churns. Something has gotten hold of you and its grip is relentless, grabbing and twisting with everything it has, refusing to even allow you air to breathe.
Mark’s cold fingers wrap around your wrist, coaxing you back to him, desperately attempting to reverse the damage he’s done. “Please, hear me out. I was just frustrated, I didn’t—”
You shake your head. “Just leave me alone, Mark.”
Mark tries one last desperate attempt at making you stay, his eyes pleading, his gaze sincere and vulnerable. You turn away.
His grip on your wrist loosens. “Okay.”
“Okay,” you whisper, more to yourself than Mark.
Suddenly, even your own room feels asphyxiating. You fall into your mattress. It smells like fabric softener.
You can’t help but cry.
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There’s a soft, rapid knock on your door. Oddly, even the knock sounds unsure.
You ignore it, hugging the covers closer to yourself and keeping your eyes glued on your phone. Though your gaze is set on the show playing, your mind wanders, preoccupied with other thoughts which you have tried to dissipate, to no avail.
There’s a short pause, before there are more knocks this time—louder ones. You scowl, tossing the crumpled and used tissues in your palm into the bin, one missing the mark completely. It lands dejectedly beside it.
“What is it?” you spit, menacingly.
“Can I come in?” Mark’s timid voice is muffled through the door.
“No.”
“Please?”
You bring your knees up to your chest, arms tightly wrapped around them. After what had happened, a bit of time had made you feel a little bad for what you had said. Well, perhaps more than a little. But that doesn’t mean Mark hasn’t done anything wrong either. You think you were being reasonable, expecting at least a call once in a while is far from being greedy, and you know you’re not wrong on that one.
Your door creaks open and you hear the shuffling of Mark’s feet as he inches closer and closer to you, waiting for you to do something. Does he think you’re going to bite him? What the hell’s taking him so long?
“What are you doing?”
“Oh, uh, can I sit next to you?”
You grunt lowly in response and Mark audibly heaves a trembling sigh of relief. He takes a seat, crossed-legged beside you with enough distance to let you know that he’s still a little hesitant.
The consistent hum of the show’s soundtrack playing from your phone is the only thing that pierces the strangling silence between you two. You stare at the moving blurs, unable to focus on what’s happening. You pull on the material of your pants awkwardly.
“Uh,” begins Mark, eyes darting to the stray, crumpled tissue near your bin, “were you, uh, crying?”
You glower at him. “No shit, Sherlock.”
Mark swallows dryly and you roll your eyes. The screen of your phone goes black as you switch it off with a click. You lay back onto your pillows, your hair messily crowning your face. You screw your eyes shut, crossing your arms over your chest. A dull ache persists there and you gulp. Your eyes are still swollen.
The mattress dips beside you beneath Mark’s weight. You turn your body away from him.
“Babe…” he sighs. “I’m really sorry for what I said.”
You don’t offer him the pleasure of a response. Instead, your body goes rigid.
“It was awful for me to say it and I regret it so much.” He continues despite you being adamant on paying no heed to his words. “I’m an asshole and you were right. The very least I could do is call you back, and you deserve so much more than the very least. It’s selfish of me to expect that you’ll be satisfied with having a boyfriend who’s barely your boyfriend, because nobody would. I shouldn’t have gotten so unreasonably angry at you, and I should have listened to what you had to say before lashing out on you like that. I’m sorry I treated you like shit and I’m sorry that you have an asshole for a boyfriend.”
Mark wipes his sweaty palms on his pants, tugging his bottom lip between his teeth. The air is dense with repentance and apprehension.
“Can we talk?” asks Mark quietly.
You flip onto your other side, facing Mark and staring up at him, your puffy eyes glassy with fresh tears which threaten to spill. Mark’s expression shatters at yours. You allow him to snake his arms around you and pull you into him.
“Baby...” he coos, smoothing down your hair as you tremble and wail into his chest. You fist the tear-soaked material of his hoodie with all your strength, your knuckles becoming a ghostly white. Yet again, all you can think about is that tender smell of fabric softener. “I’m so sorry. I’m a dick.”
“Yeah, you are a fucking dick,” you sniffle, “I hate you. Dick.” You peer up at him, your burning cheeks wet with tears. You chew on the flesh of your inner cheek. “I’m sorry too. For being inconsiderate.”
Mark shakes his head, a few strands of his silky hair falling into his eyes. “No, it’s okay. But thank you for being understanding.” He gently swipes your tears away with his thumb. “I love you.”
You nuzzle your face into his hoodie once more . “I love you too.”
The two of you sit in silence for a few moments, basking in each other’s presence and warm embrace. Mark takes the opportunity to scatter fleeting kisses all over your head.
“Do you wanna get something to eat?” asks Mark.
“I don’t have any leftovers to heat up.”
“I can cook something.”
You snort. “You can cook? Really?”
“Okay, we’ll just order takeout then.”
The end of Mark’s sentence fades into a yawn, and you can’t help but yawn alongside him.
“Can we just take a nap?”
Mark hums. “Yeah, that sounds nice.”
“Goodnight, Mark.”
“Goodnight, baby.”
And just like that, the embers of your argument sizzle into nothing. They become the remnants of a once wrathful fire. The room is warm. The glow of the early morning sun pours through the cracks in the blinds. Mark holds you closer to him, his soft snores and your even breathing being the only sounds in the room.
It smells like fabric softener.
328 notes · View notes
tintentrinkerin · 4 years
Text
adelphopoiesis
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Author: tintentrinkerin
Title: adelphopoiesis
Requested by: @schaefchenherde
Header by: @wincestismyheart​
Divider by: @firefly-graphics​
Rating: Explicit
Pairing: Demon!Dean x Sam
Warnings: Blood and Gore, Sam Drinks Dean’s Demon Blood, Anal Sex, Not Canon Compliant
Content: Chasing your baby brother around the bunker with a hammer is fun, right? But what if you tickle his thing for blood?
Read here or on AO3
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Dean’s most effective weapon is not the hammer he destroyed the door with. The hammer that’s stuck in the wall now beside Sam’s head. It’s not his physical strength, radiating like utter heat from his body, showing in the tension of his neck, the firm grimace of his mouth, his pretty mouth. It’s not the First Blade. A blade powerful enough to kill anything and anyone, but Dean himself. 
Sam’s only weapon is a lousy knife. A demon knife, that will barely leave a scratch on a Knight of Hell. 
“It’s all you”, Dean says, leaning in the knife, leaning into Sam’s half hearted attack. 
The way Dean looks at his brother, it’s tearing Sam apart in so many ways. Ways he thought he’d buried under guilt and hunts and lore and his shame. Sam gives in and takes the knife away, he will regret it so bitterly, he knows. Of course he knows. He can’t even lay a single finger on Dean. The demon in front of him wears the face of his brother but there is nothing left of his soft side for Sam. His voice, how he calls Sam, how he says Sammy, the hair, the determined look, the tongue against his teeth. Like he’s a predator and Sam’s the prey. 
Dean’s eyes turn black.
It’s a whooshing sound and it darts Sam’s ears the moment he thought he’d surrender and then, the First Blade, fast as an arrow lands in Dean’s hand. There is not a blink for Sam to react before Dean looks at him with a triumphant smirk. The knife glides through Dean’s smooth skin of his throat like it’s warm butter. Blood spills. 
Blood
Spills
Blood is Dean's most effective weapon.
Its smell is so familiar, so luring. So intimate and so…powerful. Sam turns and runs. He needs to go. He needs to get away. 
“Oh Sammy, baby brother, don’t run away!”, Dean mocks. 
Shit, he’s right behind Sam and Sam’s judgement clouds already. He isn’t even fast. It feels like running through molasses. The air feels thick and strong, pressing Sam down, and the smell of iron and lust and Dean, oh my God, it’s Dean’s blood! - He needs to get away! Sam manages to worm through the destroyed door to the electrical room, but he catches several splinters. Some even bite his face and he gets stuck with the cast of his elbow. Spraining the right elbow, why, Sam, why did that happen? Everything’s against him. 
Memories of Ruby appear in his head. Of the smell, the taste, her body, the sex. The grunting and the mind blowing orgasm, the banging against walls everywhere they went. The power, the trip. His increasing power, a stimulant better than any human known drug. It resonates all within him with the odor of Dean’s musk and his blood. He can smell its potential, its strong taste. Sam even imagines how it would make him feel. Running away never felt so hard like right now. He remembers the withdrawal and the pain behind his eyes blinds him as he trips in the hallway and tumbles against a wall. Stinging pain in his arm, in his head and his legs feel heavy. It’s like he has Dean’s breath in his neck all this time. Even though he can’t hear him come close at all. It sounds like Dean is far away, in another world. 
“Come on, Sammy, I know you want a sip of it. Makes you all giddy, doesn't it? I can smell you. All of you.”
Sam yells something, but he can’t even make out what he says. 
“Keep runnin’ if you must, but you know I gotta find you sooner or later. It’s my home, too!”
The alarm is blaring again and Sam has no idea how far he can run. There won’t be any walls that might hold Dean back. He’s regaining strength, the human blood wears off. Even that Sam can smell. How much stronger Dean gets with every minute. 
“I taste delicious, Sammy. Just fuckin’ delicious.”
Oh, yes, Sam bets he does, that’s exactly why he needs to keep running. The smell gets even more intense now and Sam wonders how much Dean can cut himself up with the First Blade. He should’ve given the damn thing to Crowley when he had the chance to do so. 
“Stay away”, he croaks. 
There’s another hallway, one leading deep into the intestines of the Forbidden Bunker, how Dean and him called it jokingly, when they discovered it. An area full of locked doors made of the weirdest materials. Only one chance is left for Sam, when he finds that one door he unlocked in these months without Dean. He had learned a lot about witchcraft since Dean left this note on his bed, when he left Sam for Crowley and a life as a demon. When the only way to save himself from Dean was to hide himself in a panic room again, hallucinate again, he would have to do it. He rather sees Lucifer again, Mary, Bobby, all the victims they couldn’t save than to fall for Dean’s lure. Drink his own brother’s blood. This was perverted, disgusting, twisted. Even for them. The monster hunters, the monster fuckers, the monsters themselves. 
“The longer you run, the harder I bleed, brother!”
Sam tries every door on the way, but none opens. Sam’s eyes sting from the smell. What the hell is Dean doing? Covering the walls in blood? That would be insane. Even Dean would faint at one point. It must be impossible to drain a body so much before it dies. Dean isn’t possessing a body, he still has his own, whatever that means for him and his physis then. Sam trips again, he falls, on his right arm of course. He tears up from the pain that fills his chest, his arm, his shoulder. He can’t survive that long if doesn’t find a hide-out. 
It seems to be near, because Sam still can read the signs on the doors and when he finds room 616, he pushes the door open with a long and agonizing cry and slams it shut. It’s the door he unlocked already, a room, bleak as an empty tomb. Cold and pitchblack, there’s no electrical light, just candles, but Sam won’t be able to find them. He can just hide in here, pressed against a wall, praying to Castiel, to Hannah. He even cries for Crowley inside, someone needs to help him. 
Footsteps.
The smell of blood. The First Blade scraping on the tiles, Sam knows it’s that. 
“Gotcha! I really thought you’d be a bit cleverer than that. Where’s the fun when you cage yourself like a mouse?”
The door bursts open, way too easily. None of the sigils and runes seem to be an obstacle for Dean. And when light shines in the room and Sam can see not only Dean’s silhouette but also his face, he knows. Dean is covered in his own blood. His face, his slit throat, still pumping blood in long and rhythmic spurts from the wound. His arms are drenched in blood and now, with a biting smile, Dean looks at Sam and the Blade carves an S in Dean’s arm. 
“Come here, Sammy. Come to your big bro and lemme get you something real good
The stench is so intense now that Sam first vomits in violent jerks and then faints. The last thing he sees before the world turns completely black is Dean’s triumphant, sweet smile and his eyes. His normal green eyes. 
When Sam awakes again, he is tied up. Bound to a chair. They’re in the dungeon again, how did Sam come here? His head aches like it’s been run over by a stampede of bulls and his mouth tastes like vomit and blood. He tenses immediately as he’s present enough to realize his situation. Dean has tied him up here, and now he’s sitting on the desk in one corner, right beside the blood donor box that Sam got from the hospital. His legs swing and he hums a strange melody. 
“Oh, look who’s up.”
Dean jumps on his feet. Sam can see the First Blade, the damn Blade, resting on the table. Then Dean takes the syringes of human blood and starts spilling them. 
“You won’t need them anymore, Sammy. I think I won our little chase.”
“Dean, don’t do that… please. I can still…”
Dean hisses. His eyes turn black.
“You can still what, brother dearest? I already told you. I am what I am now, I am free. I’m finally free. Of humanity. I’m strong now. Efficient. Deadly.”
Sam winces when he moves in the ties. The ropes cut in his flesh and Dean removed the sling on his arm. His elbow hurts so much, it’s taking his words away. 
“You were deadly before already. The Mark made you powerful.” 
“But guess what, I’m even better now. Dean Winchester 2.0 - I’m all in for my upgrade. You see it as a bad thing, but what I see is … potential. Chances. Oh Sammy, I can conquer the world. Hell. Heaven. You really want the boring Dean back, huh?”
Sam shakes his head but that makes him feel dizzy, he stops.
“I want my brother back. The brother I loved.”
Dean’s black eyes target Sam like he’s prey again and he hates being looked at like this. It makes him feel less human, less Dean’s brother.
“I am your brother. Nothing ever changed that. But I told you to stay away from me, I told you not to look for me. But you did. You plotted against me, with Crowley, with Cas. You tied me up in this chair, you tortured me with human blood. Against my will. For someone who’s all over the place with autonomy and respecting boundaries you violated mine just perfectly.”
Sam squirms. The problem is that Dean is right. But Sam did it for the greater cause, didn’t he? Dean becoming human again was the best for everyone!
“You make me sound like the bad guy here, that’s not fair”, Sam mutters.
Dean laughs and it’s a deep, rough laugh that makes Sam’s skin crawl. This is so much Dean, even darker than usual. And it shakes Sam to the core. 
“Good, bad… Who cares. Human categories, bullshit. Nothing’s fair, Sam.”
“I need something to drink”, Sam says faintly now. 
He won’t make Dean untie him, that’s for sure, but maybe Cas will come to the rescue soon, he can maybe delay things. Also he needs to get rid of the taste of old blood in his mouth. Dean doesn’t reek of his blood that bad anymore, Sam is very much aware of the pink line across Dean’s throat. A scar. The blade will cause scars. Or at least the weapon delays even Dean’s healing. 
Dean smiles. 
“Sure. But why waste water on you when I kill you anyway?”
Sam’s heart sinks.
“Will you?”
Dean shrugs as if he doesn’t give a shit at all.
“Thinking about it. But you’re my brother, as you keep on reminding me. Maybe I should give you a chance to redeem yourself in my eyes and let you live?”
“And how would you do that?”, Sam asks, winding in his ties. 
Dean goes away. Doesn’t say another word. Sam is stunned and damn, holy shit, he’s afraid. Dean will kill him. But what is it with the possibility of letting him live?
The smell of iron. Like a perfume, soft and silky. No. No no no.
“Dean? Dean!”, Sam cries and fights the restraints harder.
He did it again. He slit his fucking throat, Sam knows it. And this time, he won’t be able to run, he won’t be able to fight back. He’s tied up, he’s in pain, he’s weak. It’s not like with the other hunters who wanted to force him to drink demon blood. He could fight them off, but now?
Emaciated. Sick. Depressed. A broken arm. Hungry. Tied up. The addiction is pulsating through his veins, giving him the chills. It’s hot and cold at the same time. Like crackling in the air, the heavy scent of blood and Dean, he can only say no.
Dean won’t take a no, why should he? He’s a Knight of Hell. Sam is human. His brother is back, his throat cut deep enough to see the structures of muscles, veins, nerves, his trachea, the pulsing blood. Sam vomits all over his shirt, but there’s not much left except bitter, yellow gall. 
“You’re sick, huh?”, Dean coos in a voice like he did when Sam was younger. It’s meant for comfort but now it just feels like mockery and Sam wonders how he deserves to see his brother slit his throat, twice, just to seduce Sam to drink it. It's so fucked up. It’s low, even for lean, mean Dean. Human Dean would’ve never provoked Sam’s demon blood addiction. 
Sam nuzzles against the hand that’s stroking his face, his eyes squeezed shut. His lips tremble. 
“Let me make you feel better, don’t pull away, Sammy…”
Sam cries out and some ugly big tears fall down his face. Is it so easy to break? He’s gone through so much pain already, through torture, rape, withdrawal. He was betrayed by everyone he loved, especially Dean. Dean’s hand is warm, but his skin feels like marble when Sam leans in, rubs his face in the palm of Dean’s hand. Is this still his brother? Is there any humanity left? 
But what would that change? They’re here now. In a bunker soaked with demon blood, Sam is tied up, Dean reigns. 
“Hush, hush”, Dean purrs, both of his hands holding Sam’s bobbing head. “It’s gonna be alright… Sammy, just give in. There will be no more pain, just us. You and me, against the world. Like it used to be.”
Sam opens his eyes but all he sees is blurry and red, it stinks of iron and vomit and Dean’s black eyes…
“I wanna see your normal eyes”, is all Sam can say right now.
A smirk.
“Anything for you, Sammy.”
And Dean’s eyes flash back to green and Sam can have the illusion of his brother just for a moment longer. Thick dark blood is pulsing out of Dean’s cut on his throat. 
“It looks disgusting, Dee.”
Dean only laughs.
“It’s not supposed to be beautiful.”
Dean cups his hand before the dripping wound, collects a tiny lake of blood in his hand and then, gently presses his blood covered hand against Sam’s lips. 
The world turns upside down. Sam feels the spinning, the spinning, the spinning!
The taste makes him want to barf, violently, but the old creature, the blood sucking monster was waiting patiently beneath the surface. Patient but greedy. Now it’s unleashed it bursts out and the first drops, he swallows. His lips limp and curled in utter disgust, but now, oh now, there’s a jolt running through his body, he sits straight up, first ties grinding, the ropes won’t last. The shackles won’t last. 
“Come on, sweet baby boy, you want more…” Dean sings, eyes black as the night. 
And slowly, very slowly and enjoying, Sam’s lips brush Dean’s hand, collect the blood, a tongue, pink, hot sneaks out, licks the offered hand. 
The ropes break. The pain in Sam’s arm fades. It’s a movement even Dean didn’t see coming when Sam bursts out of all restraints he put on him and grips Dean’s hand tight, as tight as possible and sucks three of Dean’s fingers dry. 
The Knight of Hell rejoices, pulls Sam close, closer than they’ve been for a very long time.
“That’s it, Sammy, yes, that’s it, let me take care of you… such a greedy boy…” 
Dean’s voice is distant to Sam, distorted and hollow, he remembers their youth, the motel rooms, the flickering lights, the old tv, how Dean smelled of whiskey and beer. John’s passed out in an armchair, stained in blood, piss and vomit. 
He remembers Dean’s care. The kisses at night, the stealthy handjobs in the shower, how Dean ‘taught’ him how people do it. 
Make love. 
Sam was twelve. Dean was sixteen. And he was a grower. 
A slut. 
All of this drenched in velvety red tint.
The ritual.
“Let me take care of you, Sammy…”
“I love you, Dee.”
“Never tell anyone.”
And Sam never had told anyone (but Lucifer knew - he knew everything) and deep down, buried in his mind, these feelings were in peaceful slumber, violently dragged across the floor now, kicking and crying, 
A W A K E
Sam is awake. 
He remembers the awkward, painful, dry fuck in the back of the Impala after they killed the Wendigo, so long ago, and how they never ever said a word. 
Spit is shitty lube.
So is blood.
It roars. The monster roars in Sam’s chest. It’s in agony, it’s in joy, it’s free! 
And Sam is just a puppet, always been nothing more than a puppet. He watches himself suck Dean’s fingers, then sticking his own fingers in the wound, stir it, stir Dean’s insides. The gurgling, the retching. Dean’s satisfied moans, his hands all over Sam’s now healed body. 
“Yes, Sammy, let it all out, come on… Let it all out.”
Sam only hisses. This blood, Dean’s blood, the blood of a demon, of a Knight. It’s so much more potent than Ruby’s or any other demon’s he’s ever drank and tasted. Dean is delicious. Demon tend to taste like rotting meat, titan arum aroma.
But Dean tastes of all the good things. Dahlia, petrichor, amber. His musk makes Sam’s blood boil and his pants bulge. 
“Sammy.”
“Dean”, is the first thing New Sam says. 
What Monster Sam says. His voice sounds low, rough, barely in control. His body is shaking, too much force is withhold now. 
“Brother.”
The wound on Dean’s throat is closing up again already, the healing ability is really incredible. Sam will bite it open very, very soon, but first… 
Dean doesn’t protest, he doesn’t fight back at all when Sam slams him down to the ground like he weighs nothing. There’s the crunchy sound of maybe, bones breaking, or just getting sprained, but even that, Dean will heal in no time. Dean lies on his stomach, attempts to get up. 
“Sammy-”
“Sammy is not here right now.”
There’s no surprise, no scare in Dean’s voice. Sam stomps his bare foot in Dean’s back and Dean stays, doesn’t even breathe. The adrenaline rush in Sam’s ears makes him deaf for most other things and seeing demon Dean down on his stomach, defeated so easily, it’s almost an insult. Sam crouches down, one foot still on Dean’s back, pressing him down. 
“You surrender?”, Sam asks, eyebrows raise.
“I didn’t mean to fight you at all.”
Dean chuckles, his voice raspy
Sam drags Dean on all fours, rips apart his shirt (the pretty red shirt, ruined with blood anyway) and Jeans and when he holds Dean’s hips, bends over and bites Dean’s neck, Dean hisses “Come on, Sammy, that’s it.”
That’s it.
Sam tears apart skin, Dean’s blood gushes in Sam’s mouth, warm and silky, smooth and delicious. 
“Is that what you wanted?”, Sam says in a breathless moment, before he starts sucking the wound dry, the bleeding will stop soon, way too soon for Sam to be satisfied. 
Dean growls deeply, pushes against Sam. Pleading. Sam pushes two fingers inside Dean, but feels very quickly, Dean doesn’t need it. He doesn’t want it. He needs Sam. He rips off his jeans, down to his knees and when that’s not giving him enough space, he just tears it to shreds completely. Dean’s ass is perfect. Round, juicy, firm. When he gives it a slap - a hard one - he enjoys the noise Dean makes. And then he thrusts completely inside, without hesitation. No foreplay. No gentle feeling ahead and preparing Dean’s wonderfully tight and delicious ass. He feels amazing, hot, tight, smooth. Dean hands grip Sam’s wrists tight while he fucks into him, raw, without anything to soothe the pain, make it easier, make Dean nice, slick and wet. But he doesn’t complain at all. 
“That’s it”, Dean chants, in his low, low “Let’s finish this game” voice. That’s it, over and over. 
This is no sex Sam would ever have if he was in his right mind. Covered in his own vomit, Dean’s blood, on the cold floor. Not that he has fucked any guy after he fled off to Stanford anyway. Dean is all he knows. He only knows what Dean taught him about fucking ass. 
Dean starts getting slippery with his own blood, Sam’s blood infused spit and finally, cum. Sam loses the feeling of time and space, all he can do is fuck Dean until one of them passes out, and if Dean passed out, Sam would continue anyway. 
The adrenaline rush plummets too early for Sam’s taste, the haze clears up and he’s getting aware of his ripped off clothes, the shreds of Dean’s. The fluids, the smell, the feeling. Crust everywhere. Dean is still on his knees, head sunken on the floor, his arms stretched out, breathing heavily. There’s no sign that he’s in pain. But Dean’s a demon, right? He will be fine. 
Sam drags him up, and the cocky smile, the perfect hair, it’s all gone. Dean looks like he’s had the same otherworldly experience. It’s a sight that makes Sam chuckle. 
“What are you laughing at?”, Dean asks, coming on his feet, gently swaying, but finally his wounds are closing up. 
“You threatened to rip my throat out. With your teeth.”
“Not there yet, Sammy. Not yet.”
The situation is unreal, Sam feels unreal. He knows he will never be the same. Something’s broken inside him, crumbled - yet ready to expand again, into unknown territory. 
He doesn’t remember the coercion, Dean’s betrayal - or was it Dean’s way of deliberating Sam?
Sam, leaning on the table, watches Dean come close and he leans in, a hand in Sam’s hair, gently pulling. Their kiss isn’t gentle, nothing will be gentle for a while. Teeth clash, the table scrapes along the floor and the throbbing of Dean’s pulse makes Sam rise up again. Dean bites Sam’s neck, sharp pain - and Dean drinks. The feeling is satisfying and roughening Sam up at the same time. He pulls his Knight close, closer, grabs him and bends him over the table, both still bleeding, Dean high from Sam’s blood. 
“For a Knight of Hell, you’re very pliant”, Sam growls in Dean’s ear.
Dean chuckles.
“I just bend the knee to my King.”
Sam frowns. 
“What do you mean?”
Dean hikes up and drags Sam to the mirror in the Dungeon.
“Take a look”, Dean hums, rich and satisfied in tone, “acknowledge who you are.”
Breathe in. Breathe out. First, Sam’s mossy eyes just look glassy, clear, beaming with desire for Dean. 
Then he draws in his breath with a sharp hiss. 
“You got your daddy’s eyes, Sammy.”
Sam’s eyes turned yellow.
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