#everything is my bs atp

[arillusionist]

ok the cruel prince actually kinda has me hooked now

[luvleyaru]

Lets be real

I'm not even gonna lie bro, since the day I found out about void and researched about it, I got insanely lazy and started Procrastinating even more (even tho I am a lazy person but the boundaries have been crossed atp) I realised I've been completely depending on the void state, like, completely, from Little things to big things all I think about is oh well I'll fix it from void state, and tbh negl this is a very bad way of thinking, like I don't even wanna do a simple task anymore, before I would actually plan, write my goals down, and Try my best to keep up/stay consistent, but now it's just... Absolutely nothing. Like I don't even want to START. This much I've put this state on pedestal. I actually think that maybe if I had not found out about it, would it be any better? Tbh I don't think so. I would still be in the same spot BUT ATLEAST I WOULD BE TRYING. like actually TRYING to change and get better, and now I've genuinely lost all the productivity, passion, everything. I don't even focus on my life much anymore. The days just keep on going by me saying "oh well I'll start tomorrow" but do I start? No I don't. It was a miracle when I entered void and got out of it in a second (please don't come at me for calling it a miracle lmao) but I again put it on pedestal.

I literally don't even care about anything at this point, like my career, hobbies, ANYTHING. and it's concerning. It's like I've put my whole life on pause or that I'm stuck in a loop. All I want to do is enter void.

Everytime I go around and look at all these success stories and be like "whens my turn" knowing damn well maybe even if I just started focusing on my life and put the void off the pedestal I could do it or at the very least stayed consistent and persisted. Ofcourse I know I can. But the only thing that is stopping me is Procrastination. And the fear of failure. Oh maybe the reason I don't even start is because im afraid I will fail?

But yeah I've had enough of this. I need to start focusing on my life again. I have to stop with this bs and fcking lock in and get my life back on track. Ofcourse one of my goal will be to have lucid dreams/enter void state (or induce), but this will just be a GOAL Not anything more than that. I will stop completely depending on this bro. Imma stop fucking around fr and be serious once again and I feel like many people MIGHT relate with me?

So this is it. I AM DONE LIKE FR.

Have a good day!! Love y'all <333

[mrspark7777777]

Atp I'm genuinely wondering whether I should just drop BTS and Jikook and just focus on JM, the only one who gives his everything for his work, not even an ounce jealous of anyone and is ready to give his own spotlight to his loved ones. While The negativity I feel from certain members towards him is so high. With JK too, he wasn't able to stay a bit more or visit Jimin during FACE era but got time to travel half world to see Tae. Ik jikookers like JK thus not calling out his bs and only dragging Tae for his double face. Jimin might love both of them so much so he might not be expressing this distaste but Jimin doesn't deserve this bro. When he'll find someone who'll genuinely be there for him whenever he needs him ? Atp the only one who has genuinely supported his all ventures is Jhope. They are the real soulmates of the group not the one assigned by Fandom.

I am so confused by your ask, anon. Is there a different JK other than the one I know? Which BTS do you mean? Because the one I know has member JK who has always put Jimin first. Always protected and defended him even when he didn't need it. Always been there for him.

Did you just miss this part?

Music is almost everything to Jimin the perfectionist and JK has always been there to help him. Be it a listening ear, or vocal lessons. Its literally INSANE to me when people like u come to me to denounce JK for something V did. JK who btw, has always corrected any misinformation thats been laid down by V. JK who purposely doesn't feed the vermin if he can help it.

So anon, what are you on about? Seriously. Here is a post I made ages ago about how well JK shows up.

And God knows i didn't even scratch the surface.

JK wasn't able to stay a bit more or visit Jimin during FACE

Bro, the editing on that Bangtan Bomb is so shady we don't know how long JK stayed. As for not visiting Jimin's promotions a) they were short as hell. we even saw how shocked JK was to find that out during that Jimin live where he asked to come visit and Jimin informed him he was done. So you've conveniently forgotten that JK was asking to go see Jimin. b) Jimin went to live with Pdogg during the production of FACE. We have talked about this alot already but he did so to avoid distractions and I bet you his boyfriend would have been the biggest distraction of them all. So don't be blaming JK for a decision Jimin made. c) last but not least please stop conveniently forgetting just how much JK promoted and supported FACE. Something he never did for any other member.

U wanna stop supporting BTS and JK, you do you. But don't sit there and say JK doesn't care about Jimin or has never supported him because you would be lying.

[thatdeadaquarius]

With your language AU, I remember watching a video about a guy speaking angrily nonesense in an Indian accent and people thinking he was very angry. Imagine this as the Creator speaks angry gibberish to people and they just assume that the Creator is cursing them or something. (Or like when they speak gibberish to babies and everyone's like, "Aw the Creator is teaching that baby their divine language")

*AUDIENCE DRAMATICALLY GASPS.

✨️I look pretty good for a dead bitch✨️

She's alivveee!!!

Whats up i almost passed away from sheer academic workload, but im not in the ground yet 🥰 And with drafts outta my ass! :D

Hope yall ready for ur regularly scheduled Bullshit Genshin Sagau <3

SANDBEES THATS SUCH A GOOD USERNAME & ALSO SORRY I ANSWERED THIS SO FUCKING LATE JESUSSSSS 💀💀💀

SORRY ABT THE POLL I CANT BELIEVE I COULDNT FIGURE OUT HOW TO DELETE IT IM FUCKING CRYING I WOULD DO THIS-

Well at least i can do polls thru this in the future?? Idk tumblr is ass so we'll see how this accidental test works out...

☆

So these were the first thngs i thought of and its not super long bc ASKERS R GENIUSES OKAY

SOMTIMES I JUST WANNA PROFUSELY THANK U GUYS AS A REPLY FOR SHARING WITH THE CLASS THRU MY BLOG 💖💘💫

Saw the gif and couldnt help but think this is how ppl like Alhaitham or Diluc would react to u "speaking ur langauge"

"Our langauage" aka being a SIM 💀

◇

Stop Albedo would ask you to teach him ur lang/grammar rules 😭

What u gonna do when Zhongli asks you to teach him some words-

OH NO

NO DONT PASS ON YOUR BULLSHIT LMAO

U GIVING ZHONGLI SOME STUPID SIM WORD LIKE

Your ass: "GIGGLABAH means beautiful :) "✨️

Zhongli: "Oh thank you, how different from our own version, so excited sounding..."

You walk by him strolling the harbor and he just smiles at you and says

"You look gigglabah today my liege."

HIS REGAL FACE AND FANCY WALK WITH HIS HAND BEHIND HIS BACK AND EVERYTHING

(honestly ppl paint him as oblivious but he kinda seemed like the type of bastard who seems like he's not aware but sometimes he secretly knows the truth, he's just getting too much amusement out of it to stop doing it, LOL he does shit like the above to see YOUR reaction- LMAO)

◇

You're a maniac pls tell me u dont pass on simlish to all the serious characters-

XIAO WOULD SECRETLY THINK IT SOUNDS GOOFY BUT WANT TO BE INVOLVED BC ITS YOU ANYWAY LMAO

SO HE'S JUST SLIGHTLY SQUIRMING AND GETTIN PINK EVERYTIME HE SAYS A STUPID SIM WORD BC HE FEELS LIKE A GOOF HAHA

(& he's not the only one, others too like Kaveh, YELAN, Ningguang, Nahida, DILUC, AYAKA LMAO-)

◇

Some ppl i could see taking ur gibberish bullshittery and whether they believe its real or not is irrelevant bc theyre using it anyway-

And i dont mean in a good way 😭

LIKE IM THINKING OF VENTI.

CRAZY BARD INCLUDING SIMLISH ASS GIBBERISH WORDS IN HIS SONGS BC OF YOU

"Be cheerful like the hugkukie,

and may your cup never leaky!"

And Diluc loves you.

Really he does, deeper than he thinks-

But his eye is twitching LMAOO

◇

(Ok but if you did like multiple of these language shenanigans thruout the asks ive gotten, Kaeya would literally grow so fond of you and associate you with goofy funny shit that makes him laugh so hard that everytime he sees you he automatically is beaming with a smile, or trying to supress a warm grin- this got away from me but its 1:44am for me rn so i would love a smiley Kaeya rn -)

♡

Speaking language bs I have my 2nd oral exam for spanish tomorrow, pls send whatever good vibes u got and i am also really open to prayers from any religion as well. sobs

Hope anyone got any enjoyment out of my response bc tbh the ask is what rlly matters to me atp lmao

Until the next shenanigan-

Safe travels,

💀♒️

♡the beloveds mwah ♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

[antiendovents]

hey! so tumblr eated the last one so i hope this one works (hopefully i got everything, memory is hard) also for some context: the only people fronting at this time was a persecutor (me) and a social protector, both of us don't have empathy and don't stand for the system being pushed around

anyways i posted about how weird it is whenever endos say traumatized people hold privilege over them and an endo came into my replies saying that i'm the reason their friend tried to kill themselves and people like ME is the reason people have issues.

mind you i am nothing but respectful in online discussions (and keep interacting with endos to a fucking MINIMUM!!) unless someone shows me disrespect first, then i am done with them (but never am toxic yk?) so i haven't done jack shit to make their friend wanna kts

but they came into my reply section all talking about how people who are anti endo are so evil and toxic and cause people to end themselves (mind you i mentioned how endos send me gore rape threats and etc and they did not reply to that)

then when i didn't bite and kept pointing out how A. no one was talking about that B. They are trauma dumping and C. they can't guilt trip me they started calling me a kid and an edgelord and calling me names and implying i was just to stupid to see that "[im] the problem". and that they weren't trauma dumping they were explaining nuance (which they lacked so badly. doubt they know the definition of the word.)

they then compared me to ben shapiro and told us they weren't there to have a normal conversation and atp i was done with them.

went to their page to block them and they had posts about hating how people block tags/other people cuz it makes 'people not receptive to other viewpoints' and shit and then they vague posted us. like its not lacking nuance or not liking other viewpoints, its the fact that you're a dick. you don't understand how to properly have a conversation with other people, respect THEIR viewpoints or understand nuance that doesn't fit your beliefs and think everyone should just bend to your will. not wanting people to block people isn't being smart its being chronically online and assuming superiority over everyone who disagrees with you. i have never seen someone so dense ironically talking about other people who disagree being dense. like maybe people just don't fucking agree with you and don't wanna hear your bs.

sorry if none of this made sense!

oh, jeez that's.. I hate how endos try guilt trip us, like no I'm not going to be pro endos just because your friend was bullied or harassed ((obviously I don't think they deserved that, but I'm not going to give up my beliefs and start feeding into misinformation just because that happened)). It's good that you blocked them, because they sound like a fucking dickhead tbh. You are not the problem, they are, and it's so frustrating that they can't see that. Like fuck off with your BS, no one cares about you or your endos shit (not directed at you anon)

Also don't worry, this makes sense ^^

[ausssbutlershortstories]

Am I the only one getting tired of this shitshow? Every year the same bs but somehow worse. Clear staged pap pics on his bday, crickets on hers. At least last year he celebrated with her on his bday all day, this year he went clubbing without her. And these pics of her with her balloons just seem so sad. I know he has work to do, but he always ditches her when he has something better to do. If I were her, I would have left him a long time ago. Their relationship just seems so loveless and transactional. And what makes it even worse, some people on the internet worship this relationship like there's no other celeb couples looking a lot more in love and in harmony with each other. I could understand the shipping if there was something to ship, but this is just ridiculous atp. Thinking back at the fandom in 2022 was so much healthier and it wasn't just K talk 24/7.

Ahhh I feel this message on a spiritual level. I think the weirdness of this relationship and the relentless way the shippers go about harassing everyone and making everything about her made it this way. People wanted to focus on his work but the more they made everything about her the more frustrated people got. It lead people to feel like they needed to vent about how aggravating this stale ass relationship is.

The relationship very much seems loveless and transactional. You can sometimes see how insecure Kaia is about it. Like the video of them in NYC and seeing his fans , the way she clung onto him and got insecure when he didn’t keep walking with her.

There is a small part of me that feels somewhat bad for Kaia because I wouldn’t want to be dismissed like that by my man but then again I feel this is the karma you reap for dating someone just to level up. She ditched jacob elordi for him too seems like as well. A guy who seemed genuinely into her for a man who will always put his career first & puts in the bare minimum with the relationship seems like anyways.Makes me think of the picture where Jacob was holding her tits , wasn’t that for her bday…? lol If so then LOL

[loving-family-poll]

i fear we are departing from incest but i love to hear myself talk so i shall tell you about my sister's complex about me. first we have to establish some things: my sister is older than me (the oldest of us all, i'm second oldest, just mentioning it bc me not being the youngest feels important here), my sister has an inferiority complex that stems from me being the successful one (probably will come up later but i was a very smart kid and ended up skipping so many grades that i started college at 15), and that my sister has always had bad anxiety and is very very sensitive to rejection

so. let's start from the beginning. our father left us young, didn't pay child support, was generally an asshole, but most importantly he would visit for one reason: me. i was the favorite because, as i mentioned, i was a smart kid and he is very success-oriented so naturally he took to me (and off-topic but this happens so often. like very very success driven people have been weirdly into me since i was a little kid. weird shit but i've used it to my advantage cough cough getting a kid flunked and almost expelled) so anyway our father visits us just for me, even tells me about all the women he was cheating on my mom with before they got divorced. and my sister? my sister has bad anxiety, she's sensitive to being left out. and more than that she has very very strong rejection sensitivity. so how do you think it'd feel to be the oldest child and yet be ignored by our father (this did not affect my other siblings they were too young). so this puts me above her in her mind

she fails a lot in school and this wrecks her confidence, especially since i've always been greatly successful in school. she's pushed aside by her father for me, she's pushed away by her teachers for me (to the point that i would have a teacher for a short time before i'd test out and they'd still call her my name no matter how long she had them). she also has very poor social skills so she was never liked by her peers while i was funny and i was smart and i was such a goody-two-shoes brat but teachers adored me to the point that i could get away with anything i wanted (yes i was pulling shit i think i had a habit of attacking one of my teachers and everyone was cool with it) and she'd be scolded for any little issues because she wasn't as liked + she was more frustrating (she had untreated adhd for a hot minute). keep in mind that most of this was happening while we were both under 10/11

so. you'd think that she would have some deep-seated resentment against me. and you would be correct! now idk what you know about psychology and chances are it's bs anyway (<-psych major that does not trust the field in the slightest) but there's this nifty little concept called reaction formation. it's freudian so. take that as you will. but basically it's just when a strong emotion switches from one to another. for example: hate to love, love to hate… resentment to adoration?

so that's my theory for the basis of this. she has an inferiority complex and a sensitivity to rejection and i was everything she wasn't and for whatever reason her kid brain said hey, why not love my sister instead. and honestly this wasn't that like. prevalent until we teenagers, because i became very neurotic and anxious and developed some disorders you know how it is. and now we see something new in my sister: she likes to take care of people. if i couldn't do something she would do it for me, if someone was pushing my boundaries she would enforce them. i basically spent all of middleschool hiding away in our home (i was homeschooled atp) with only her for company since i'd hide in our room. so she;s taken on the role of being my protector. probably because if she would never be better than me, at least she could be the one protecting me. it made her important. it made her necessary. it made her feel needed. and that is when i catch on. i encouraged her a bit, started praising her, thanking her for any little thing she did, calling for her anytime i needed help because she just loves to feel needed so badly. and yeah maybe that was manipulative and maybe it was wrong but i was also like. 14 or 15 when i started doing this

anyway so she has this whole complex about needing to protect me so that she can feel needed and it's all fueled by her inferiority complex that honestly drives so much of what she does. i find it highly amusing.

so yeah. she's basically a dog to me. tell her she's good and give her a treat and she'll do what you want. and if she does something that makes me upset she folds so fucking quickly it's wild. it's that fear of rejection. she could never stand for me of all people to drop her

and to the person who wanted us in the tournament together sorry but we are just weird about each other in a not-so-incesty way but the vibes are kinda there

The way I was glued to this ask reading SO intently. What you two have going on is so much weirder than if you'd just fucked (complimentary)

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey Cas! A while WHILE back i had sent an ask about having trouble while working at my mom's workplace (dw u don't need to remember lol) and update! I got better! Unfortunately, I am now working every weekend on top of school 😭

And it's becoming very tiring, I'm behind on classes (I now have 3 Cs from my usual As and Bs and it's taking a very harsh blow to my ego) because I spend the majority of my weekend working and going back to school tired and my mom doesn't understand the fact that I'm tired/exhausted. I'm like gen believing that she thinks I have unlimited energy and it's horrible 😭 Even my older sister is being overworked and none of our parents get that fact

It's so annoying because my parents expects us to have good careers and do good in school but make no effort actually help us in that regard. I handle all my school stuff and they have no part in it unless their signature is needed. They don't even try and my youngest sister's school info is sent to our eldest who also handles doctors' appointments and atp just overall caring for us. My parents keep saying that they don't understand which is fine but they don't try to understand.

I'm tired and exhausted and basically no social life outside of Tumblr because I can never go out with friends since I'm working and my grades are ruining me and my parents just don't care at all because they assume I can just work and work and somehow do good in school without being tired and exhausted.

I'm sorry I just really needed to get this out there, I hope your having a good day :)

Lots of love <333

Hi!

I remember you! I forget your anon name but I remember your story.

I'm so sorry, this is so much for you to take on and way too much to expect of you. I'm glad that you at least realize that it's too much. Please at least be gentle with yourself and know that you're doing your best, don't beat yourself up if you're not getting A's all the time, that's too much to expect. I'm proud of you for doing everything you're doing <3

[snowy-wife]

Omfg that's so dumb 💀 I'm all for diversity but holy shit dude her name is snow WHITE, hell don't they even say that her skin is as white as SNOW???? It's in her fucking name!! they couldn't have gotten a person who looked like her?? No, they had to go for the fucking side the sloth bitch I shouldn't even call her that because atp I'm insulting sid by comparing him to that ugly ass bitch. also omg they use AI in the movie poster?? We're supposed to hate AI, ya know the whole "AI art isn't real art" and "AI artists don't deserve recognition"???? why are we suddenly switching up???

Same and omfg LITERALLY. There's a reason for the "Skin white as SNOW, Lips red as BLOOD, Hair black as EBONY" FOR A DAMN REASON OMFG. LIKE HOW DO THEY NOT KNOW THAT!? WHY CHANGE!?!?!? ESPECIALLY WHY TAKE AWAY EVERYTHING ABOUT THE FUCKING CHARACTER, TAKE AWAY HER CULTURE, HER EXISTENCE, HER EVERYTHING. LET ALONE WHY CHANGE A STORY THAT HAS NEVER BEEN CHANGED FOR OVER 200 FUCKING YEARS!? WHAT'S THE POINT. LIKE COME ON. Like there are so many BETTER canadites for her, (me mainly), idek wtf they were thinking, she doesnt even look young at all. LMFAO 😭 NO DON'T DO SID LIKE THAT HE AIN'T DESERVE THAT AHAHAHA.

Literally !!!!! I cannot stand a single fucking thing about it, AND THE DWARFS LOOK LIKE THEY GONNA MOLEST POOR SNOW. LIKE THE FUCK IS THAT!? LIKE THEY'RE GONNA KILL AND EAT HER. I CAN'T MAN. THE CGI IS SO SHIT AND THE AI BS JUST MAKES MY BONES BURN.

DAILY WIRE STARTED MAKING FUN OF DISNEY AND RELEASED A TRAILER CALLED "Snow White and the Evil Queen" AND THE PERSON THEY CASTED FOR SNOW WHITE IS WHO THEY SHOULD FUCKING HAVE BC SHE LOOKS LIKE SNOW AND IS SUCH A GREAT FIT.

LIKE LOOK AT THIS HORRENDOUS SHIT.

WALT DISNEY IS ROLLING OVER IN HIS FUCKING GRAVE OVER THIS. HIS FIRST FULL LENGTH IN COLOR CARTOON MOVIE THAT MADE HIM SUCCEED HEAVILY WITH MILLIONS OF DOLLARS WITH THE MOST LOVED MOVIE CLASSIC EVER IS RUINED. BULLSHIT !!!!!

[trickortpwk]

Centrists are Zionists be fr. If you’re not for Palestine, you’re aiding zionisism and genocide. I love your blog but sometimes I wonder how you can even like Harry given that he represents pretty much everything you rightfully don’t like.

see, i think u gotta be more careful with not making distinctions bc that's similar to the rhetoric ppl use to equal anti-israel = antisemitic and other bs. i think centrism in this case is cowardly and a cop-out without doubt, as well as willfully closing ur eyes to the very clear situation at hand - but some ppl also are more centrist with their positioning bc they have a job to lose for example. in terms of celebs i think 98% of statements and engagements were centrist tbh, as i said it's mostly about PR for these ppl, but then hozier got jumped for being centrist which i didn't get at all. i thought his statement was very pro-palestine, he shared resources, and it's not even the first time he's stood up for palestine either so idk what some ppl are expecting tbh, this is the best u'll get apart from kehlani. florence, who this message was originally about, did share a "violence from both sides is wrong" typa thing at first too but then she signed the artists for ceasefire letter and shared more pro-palestine stuff.

i don't think harry represents everything i don't like but i'm def a more critical fan of him than others bc of my own moral code etc. i know as a woc my views won't always line up with a rich white man - at the same time i also don't look up to celebrities as moral pillars or political figures tho. obvs i wouldn't support someone who's some far-right idiot or whatever but i also don't expect harry to have the exact same values as me and i'm also not like "oh harry posted about supporting koala babies, i'll do that now", like it's insane to me how there was a statistic that [insert percentage here] of young ppl registered to vote bc tswift posted about it, like i don't need a celeb to tell me that, u know what i mean? i think the stan war that some ppl made out of the israel/palestine situation the past few weeks has actually been very crude. for me personally it's more about how these celebs are using their platform rather than my fave singer posting 3 sentences about how killing children isn't right and that's enough activism for the year lol i don't need the validation that i'm "stanning the right person" but it is good for the movement when someone who has millions and millions of ppl following them, some who do look up to them and value their opinion (see: swifties who signed up for voting), bring awareness to the humanitarian emergency and repost important info/voices. especially in this case hollywood voices matter bc it does bother israel a lot, part of their pr has always been to include celebs to spread their propaganda (see: hailee steinfeld taking pictures with the idf). anyway atp i don't expect harry to say anything, at best it would be a very centrist take as well which it pretty much always is when harry dares to say smth (vote with kindness) and it is disappointing bc he has such a die hard fanbase, but i was more worried that he'd say smth very dumb tbh bc so many ppl around him are so openly pro-israel. his activism has always been lackluster at best and again, i'm personally not expecting him to be the spokesperson for every issue in the world or try look for that from him, but idt anyone can be apolitical in this climate and especially not when u built ur whole brand on kindness.

[blvckentropy]

*WARNING* SLIGHT JJK SPOILER *WARNING*

Slight rant on this guy Gege Akutami. Don't know him, don't even read the manga but I see the spoilers. And I don't like the route JJK going or might be going... Allegedly it looks like most the cast bout to be killed off or MIA. Story wise, that's the worse outcome because it does nothing for improvement. I get if it is his vision, and he can do whatever he wants. But if Yuji loses every fight and side characters gain the "spotlight" just to get cut off, then what's the point?

Yes, I love Gogo with my whole life, (tho it hurts) I've accepted the outcome for what it is. But I don't understand the slander he's gotten because Gege also don't like him (allegedly). If you never liked him is one thing but to say you don't like him cause he's too powerful & a fan favorite is bs. I'm sorry are creators excused from making likable characters now? If anything that's a compliment. Granted I'm sure 90% of fans (girls) like him for his looks💁🏾‍♀️ His whole premise is being good at everything and "undefeatable". Plus he's the comedic relief with all suffering that's going on. If Gege didn't like that then why write em like that. Don't put him on the front lines if he supposed to be in the back with the rest of them you know?

If this anime changes to some huge depress fest with characters dying with no character development, no change in plot, literally building up characters and tear them down for no reason. Then you can count me out as well cause allegedly he likes no one atp🥱

[ad15124]

what am I even doing atp

rant

throwing all my other subjects down the drain and giving up just cuz I fucked up one (1) test is stupid. fine, everyone else did well, grade boundaries will be high, it'll drop my overall grade, I'm generally pretty good at the subject and I was predicted a 7/7 but still. I can't go and flunk my remaining 3 subjects now but noooo I'm so fucking moody that I sleep four hours instead of studying for math and can't even get myself to do a practice test and I feel like a melodramatic teenager but honestly everything does suck and I just. fuck this man.

and I have itchy hair that hasn't been washed for over a week and I haven't taken a shower in 2 days and im so so done but there's 2 more weeks of this bs.

i wish i could comfort myself better because then maybe I could stop moping and feel better n genuinely get to work. idk but I was giving this test in a dream state and even while writing it I was ready to cry. and I had actually studied.

i just need this to end

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

Well uh I have an unexpected update

I told them bout damn near everything. I tried to kms a few different times but the very last try I thought would be guaranteed to work. Soo when I woke up barely feeling any different I was BITTERRR

Shoot abd yeah I won't lie, I took it out on them partially. But. I admitted to everything

And they didn't yell at me for it. Uh. Well I wss doing most of the yelling honestly.. I was terrified. I was being so defensive just waiting on them to trash on me. Tho uh I guess me yelling was a little much. I don't ever yell so it rattled my stepmom a bit annd I think that ended up being the straw that broke the camels back. She randomly cries all the time now

Not to say I'm proud of that but I am glad that it went that far. They're really taking fixing everything seriously. Me, my sisters, and my stepmom and dad all talked together last night. We all tried to just brush past it but she started boohooing and pushed us to talk about the more serious issues

That shit was scary as hell. I hate it. But from now on we're all supposed to work on talking and working through certain issues so that we're all not avoiding each other all day everyday

I think I'm truly done with dph tho. I hate swallowing pills atp. Just picturing that feeling of them sliding down my throat.. the way my stomach burns. Ugh. I can't atm. And now that they know, I don't think I'd be allowed to keep any pills on deck tbh 😭

Part of me regrets it all. Part of me still hates everything and would rather die than figure our everything that's wrong with me. But meh. It is what it is

Me and R are back to normal too tbh. I love her still but atp she feels like family to me. I don't think I'd want a relationship with her anymore. Well kinda but it's just not the same. I'm glad I can push past that shit for now

Annd uh. Ig that's it. I'll leave everything up just incase there's someone out there struggling. Ik I did a lotta whining but I hope some of the bs I spew'll be useful

Hmu if you want anything. I'll still check in on this acc from time to time. But for now... this is it

[femme-enby]

Personal ramblings-

So something is up w my car, as per usual atp.

I was checking in w my dad about where to bring it (bc it’s teeeechnically his car?) and he goes “Firestone”

“Firestone??” Bc when tf does he ever say that? He usually says some random name and then I gotta ask who tf that is and where that is, and he talks to me like I’m stupid for not remembering, blah blah blah.

He goes “yeah, where else would you take it?” …aiight.

Anyway, I just had him talk to them bc I was like “the man is saying things to me, it’s a bigger number than you thought, so you wanna chat?” He goes “sure”

Everything adds up, after the convo he’s like “if you don’t trust them, why did you bring it there?”

“Because when I asked where to take it you told me to take it there???” Confused af.

“No I did not, I said Chris”

NO TF YOU DIDNT AND ALSO WHO TF IS CHRIS???

Bro got that lead paint in his system and probably knocked his head around too damn much bein a hick ass teen. Oh, and let’s not forget the underaged drinking his mama let him do to the point of “puke and rally” type bs.

I need the housing market to crash so fuckin bad, bc otherwise my partner and I wouldn’t be able to afford a roach infested box as the market is rn.

Preferably somewhere up north. I wanna get away from this weather too, as well as these backwoods mentalities.

Sure some ain’t bad ofc, I ain’t at least, and I’ve met plenty who arent… but they’re also all workin on gettin tf out of here. Or at least to move out to where they can have their own place and shut out pretty much everyone in the state.

[letmeoutofthebasementt]

“I decided from that point on to be a doormat. I have yet to become a doormat” so real for this

I honestly struggle with that so much. When I was a kid I was quick to anger, cause kids are evil haha but I also needed a sense of control I didn’t have at home. Now I’m super sweet and I’m emotionally intelligent enough to know people got their own issues and that their attitude isn’t just towards me. But to what point am I supposed to let people walk all over me. To what point do I silence my thoughts and tolerate bullshit. There is also remembering that everything you say can be used against you. Like can’t I express myself like some people seem so comfortable to do loll

-❤️

I relate to you on a spiritual level

It doesn’t help that my parents don’t take shit either. Like I’m talking my mom is notorious for cussing people out and my dad is definitely more chill but ive never seen someone give him BS he has to tolerate except the hobo who tried to throw a high heel at me when I was smaller and his reaction to THAT was warranted

So like…It’s a hereditary thing atp to not take any shit my parents were born by people like that and I was too

Out here fighting for my life though

The only issue is I’m a doormat with people I’m like highly close to to the point where it’s concerning 😭

[pinkadork]

Its so weird wanting to be the chill calm person ive sought out to be for the past year give or take a few months, while also being extremely heated st shit still

Like its handled better sure, but i still feel it yknow

Like im livid about certain shit and I truly never think i’ll not be mad about it but its like

Fuck

I cant explain shit for shit

I wanted to die months ago and not much has shifted.

I miss waking up and having hope of things changing and getting better just because you were w me. It was all perspective really, i never thought or imagined i’d be in a relationship of sny meaning. A few long distance and high school romances ig but i never thought id like, be someones person. A lot of relationships sound me didnt work and the ones that did, didn’t really, so when we worked out or i guess while we worked out, I started viewing things differently, i got defensive, felt insulted because i knew how much smarter you were and always felt i was trying to prove i even had a brain.

I dont keep it secret ive been on off homeless, this that, whatever, point being i got used to being in shitty conditions to where certain things that should definitely bother me didn’t. Living in the nightmare version of my childhood home, with the loml wasnt ideal nor what i wanted, even less with my boneheaded friends from hs. There was a time i convinced myself shit made sense but its been so much inbetween i cant even see what i saw then or what we were going for because nigga

I thought after we got out of there we like solid atp

Several deaths, a pandemic, my nigga fell in the floor, we fought rats, had infighting with each other, roommates, episodes all that bs that nigga we tight now, like fuck can really break us?

Me.

Its always been me

People wonder why im not over it or why i dont hate my ex or whatever but its like, that was the first real relationship (including family and friends because even my vets were in there shakiest eras) and I cared so much but like in a negative way, I thought we had to spend time together all the time, I love being by their side, yet I also ruined everything because I was so bothered by how every out of context thing would look that I ended up paintint the shitty picture everyone wanted out us anyway

I don't want to forget anymore, I don't wanna rush past it or act like it didn't happen or that I'm incapable of being the scum of the earth and that " everyone's wrong but me" I just want you

I need you

No creepy ish I hope but nigga

fuck