#everything else about this is extremely distressing but not having to deal with this one trigger would help immensely

[thethingything]

I'm really torn over how to feel about a bunch of stuff. on the one hand the oral surgeon was really friendly and is the only medical professional who's ever said "so what type of EDS do you have?" because he wanted to check how it'd impact some stuff, meanwhile we usually have to explain what EDS even is. he seemed pretty familiar with it and also checked what meds we're okay with and said the reaction we had to clarithromycin recently is why it's not typically prescribed for adults anymore. all that stuff made me feel pretty confident about things going alright.

and then sedation and general anaesthetic got brought up, and medical bills got brought up, and we had a panic attack and took multiple attempts to try and ask one question because we couldn't phrase it in a way that made sense, and then we asked some other stuff and ended up panicking even more and just sitting there crying and he made a comment that I think was meant to be reassuring but mostly just made it seem like he really doesn't get what we're so freaked out about, and now our brain has gone from "I'm mostly just deeply uncomfortable with the concept of sedation" to "I absolutely do not want to be uncoscious around medical professionals at all" and I do not fucking know what to do about this.

I keep trying to distract myself. our brain keeps bringing this shit up again regardless and then I have a panic attack on the spot. I've lost track of both how many panic attacks I've had today, and how many times I've almost thrown up, but both thing happened several times in the car and then happened again while we were getting showered.

I already wasn't sure how the fuck we're going to handle this, but now I feel significantly worse about it because I've mostly just gotten confirmation that the stuff I find most distressing about the situation is not only unavoidable, but also definitely going to be worse than I'd registered until now

[ghostlythunderbird]

The Pack ~ Boiling Point

Pairings: Alpha!König, Alpha!Simon ��Ghost” Riley, Alpha!Keegan P. Russ X Omega!Fem!Reader

Warnings: 18+ Minors/Ageless Blogs DNI, Omegaverse, Ghost and Keegan being really mean, Mentions of domestic abuse and Omega Rehab camps, Angst, König being a sweet cinnamon roll at the end

Words: 3,225

Author’s Notes: Please do not repost, edit, or translate my work. This blog and all content will be marked 18+ even if there is no NSFW content, if you are underage or have no age I don't want to deal with you. So sorry for the long time to update, life has been a little busy and rough to say the least. I do hope you guys enjoy!

Summary: A Month has passed since you first moved in. But it seems like Ghost and Keegan still want nothing to do with you. It eventually creates tension between everyone, and one small argument caused the eruption of the tension that has built up for so long.

It had been almost a month since your introduction to this odd pack of alphas, and why did it seem that the other two alphas in the house still seem to avoid you at all costs completely? It was beginning to make your skin crawl, especially when there were times that they would purposely get on your nerves so much that you wanted to just go off on them for being such idiots. Simon, well he hadn't spoken to you since the suppressants argument. It only seemed to create this invisible divide between you and the two phantom-like alphas; the only person who seemed to try and make you feel somewhat welcomed was König, and the poor apex seemed to be at his wit's end with the unnecessary tension between everyone. And to think all this started over a small argument about Suppressants.

Everything had been fine for the first two weeks between your new pack, although Keegan and Simon never seeked you out as often as König did. The apex was a massive sweetheart for someone his size, but he seemed to have been trying his best not to upset any of you, especially when the arguments began to ensue between everyone else. Of course, the man didn't really have a choice when he was working so hard to help in the overall adjustment to everyone's lives. You had tried to appeal to the alphas, providing food and comfort when distressed, but they hardly even gave you any appreciation for your efforts. You started to understand that these alphas were rough around the edges, but even this was a bit extreme. Your inner omega cried at the thought that these alphas assigned to care for and protect her only seemed to shun her.

König tried to comfort you during those times, never getting too close to the nest you've built but staying near enough to whisper sweet nothings to calm your omega. Once he was sure you had drifted off to a peaceful slumber, His inner apex had him searching for the others in the house to give them a stern talking to. He had barely crossed the bedroom threshold before catching the two alphas getting ready for bed; something in him snapped at that moment, watching them getting ready for bed as if they didn't have to soothe their crying omega by themselves. He towered in the doorframe, staring at them with an authoritative glare. "Why do you continue to treat our omega like that?" he spoke as he moved to shut the door to the bedroom behind him. Enclosing all the alphas in with each other.

Keegan paused before looking towards the apex, who was now looking at the ground and his fists drawn up tight against his sides. While Keegan wasn't blind to how aggressive Konig could be on the battlefield, this was a rare time Konig's anger showed at home. But while Keegan had paused to listen to the apex, Simon continued while tugging his shirt over his head. Never once stopping to look towards the apex, who looked like he was preparing for a war in this small room. "What are you on about, König?" he questioned as he threw the shirt onto the bed, sitting down on the edge. "I'm not treating her like anything, I just keep to myself."

"Keep to yourself?!?!" König bellowed at the top of his lungs as he stepped toward the blonde alpha.

"How is keeping to yourself helping in this situation right now? It isn't helping with our Omega crying her heart out two doors away from you because half of her supposed "pack" doesn't even stay in the same room as her!" The words flew from the apex's mouth before he could stop himself. There was silence between the three alphas as they stared at each other; Simon even took a step back into the corner of the bedroom, his breathing starting to pick up slightly. Keegan stood up straight as he spoke next. "I don't want her to feel any more alienated than she already is. Just at least show her you aren't a cruel-hearted bastard."

Nothing was said between the alphas as they knew saying anything wrong would surely set off the apex's ever-growing anger. With a final glance towards Keegan, König opened the bedroom door to leave for his own room to turn in for the night. The apex couldn't help but feel drained after the overall confrontation. He knew Ghost and Keegan were wary of having an omega around in their den. But was it wishful thinking that König wanted them to accept the sweet little omega who was graced to them, to cherish her and be doting alphas like they were expected to be?

With a fleeting glance towards your door, König released a breath of air, silently hoping you didn't hear his outburst only moments ago. He didn't want you to be upset again; your tears felt like swords in his heart. No omega should cry because their alphas have no idea what they're doing. The apex retreated towards his room to gather his thoughts and hopefully get some semblance of sleep.

As he lay down on his massive bed, he stared up towards the ceiling giving a silent plea before closing his eyes for the dreamless slumber to take over his mind.

'Please let this all work out soon,' He prayed.

~~~~~~~~

Those words only seemed to mock König now as he was caught in between a heated argument, All centering around you.

The very thing that started the entire argument? A single bottle of Omega heat suppressants that Ghost had found when he was bringing in some washed blankets to give to your nest.

The air was tense as Ghost stood before you, almost standing right over you as he held up the bottle. "What in the fuck is this supposed to be!?" Ghost yelled as he pointed the bottle in your direction, anger radiating through his body like a bright sun. As much as he hated having to ask the question, it needed to be asked. You flinched slightly under his angry stare, unable to meet his gaze as he stared down at you. "Well, Omega? Are you even going to try and explain yourself?" Ghost inquired harshly as he still held the bottle of heat suppressants.

"Um..." you stammered out, unsure what to say to calm him down. "It's um..." You took a few steps back towards the wall, but Ghost only followed you; almost backing you completely into the corner. He remained so close to you that if you moved one inch closer, you would've been pressed up against him. You had no idea why he was so hostile towards you, but you could tell he was extremely annoyed. Why is he trying to get you to explain yourself after he never spoke more than a single sentence to you the entire time you've been here? If anything, he avoided you the entire time you were there, unless he was forced to speak to you. And for someone who avoided conversation with others, he sure wasn't avoiding this one.

He pushed you harder into the wall as he brought the bottle to your face. "I thought that these fucking things weren't supposed to be taken anymore when we were assigned. Are you that fucking dumb just to throw out what we all agreed on?!?" His harsh voice trailed off after that last word as he removed the bottle from your face; glancing at the label before tossing it into the trash can near the doorway. Watching as the last thing you had control over being tossed aside by this alpha, Your Omega reared her head. You couldn't stop yourself as you turned back to the alpha and let out a deep growl; the embarrassment was washed away in mere seconds to an unbridled anger. "What WE agreed on?!? Since when did I get a say in this fucked up ordeal?!" You pressed as you slid away from Ghost and towards the center of the living room where Keegan and König hadn't strayed from the couch. Taking a deep breath, you felt your fists balling at your sides as you tried to contain your rage.

Before either of the other two could reply, You had turned back to Ghost. The fire in your eyes had never glowed that color before but better now than never. "I never agreed to anything, for your information, so I apologize if I wasn't informed that I was to stop taking something I've been given since I presented." The air around you was dangerous, daring the alphas in the room to say one more thing to set you off worse than before. But now it only invited Keegan to interject himself between you and Ghost. “We all agreed not to use any sort of medications that could alter our regular cycles; how did you skip over that part?” He spoke. The apex beside him looked towards him; giving him a small glare that gave the silent words ‘Behave’

"Uh, once again, I never fucking agreed to shit. I didn't realize using suppressants was such a horrible fucking thing now that Im packed." Keegan continued, “You must have forgotten that you came here to adapt to us and not the other way around, right?” The alpha moved to stand finally. Konig doing the same in case he had to intervene. "Look, getting upset isn't going to solve anything. Let's just take a breath first," The Apex pleaded. However, Ghost had other ideas "No, I'm not done; you need to quit protecting her, Konig. She needs to answer why she is still taking fucking suppressants!" Ghost exclaimed.

This was the straw that broke the camel's back, you looking towards the blonde alpha. "Just because you are my assigned alphas doesn't mean you can throw out how I feel or decide what I can or can't do!" The room was silent after you spoke; none of the alphas moved or even attempted to speak for a short time.

"God, if I knew how much of a handful you were, I never would have fucking agreed to this." The hurtful words spewed out of Keegan's mouth before Ghost or König could stop him. Those words made you bristle, your teeth clenching before slowly turning to face the dark-haired alpha feet from where you stood. "Oh, you think you're angry because you agreed to mate with someone you don't know? How do you think I feel, being forced into a contract with not just one but THREE alphas I've never met!" Tears began to collect in your eyes as you tried to keep your gaze on Keegan.

 "At least you had a choice! Do you wanna know how it went for me? I was forced out of the only home I ever knew, only to be paired with three alphas, who, mind you appear to have NO experience being around an Omega whatsoever! Only to be locked in their knots and treated like a goddamn broodmare for the rest of my life." 

Tears began to run down your cheeks as your throat tightened, beginning to choke your words. "I wanted to live a normal life just like everyone else on this godforsaken planet, but no, I was told to sit down, shut up and be a 'Good lil' Omega'. Just because of what I presented as!" Those words made your skin crawl, and your alphas seemed to share the same sentiment. König's gaze dropped to the floor before shifting his body away from you, his scent becoming sour. The tension in the room continued to increase as your rant began its downhill slide.

"The only person here that's made me somewhat comfortable in this fucking house is Konig; you and Ghost have given me NOTHING. You've done nothing but criticize everything I've done since I got here, and you dare to say that YOU'RE upset over this arrangement?" A growl brewed in your throat. If your dam heard you right now, she'd die on the spot, saying it was Un-Omegalike. None of the alphas could meet your tearful stare; not even the battle-hardened Ghost could look at you. It only solidified that these alphas, ones you were supposed to bond with, didn't fully understand how you felt during this rough change. It had to take you completely going off on them for them to even get a glimpse of what you've had to deal with since day one after presenting as an omega.

You couldn't stand to be around them anymore; the need to return to your room, to your nest, was steadily becoming overwhelming. Swiftly turning on your heel, you began to leave the living room. The alpha's head snapped back to your frame as you walked away. The skull-faced alpha took a step past Keegan. "Love wai-." As you spun around to face him, your speed was near enough to snap anyone's neck. "Don't. You. Dare. Say that. After everything, you don't get to call me that; I can't fucking be in here with any of you right now. Just leave me the hell alone" The snarl left your lips was deadly.

The air was stagnant once you turned around and left.

However, it was swarmed with an enraged apex scent; the smell was sour yet made it feel like you were choking on a Carolina reaper once your form had disappeared up the stairs. Ghost and Keegan ducked their heads as they looked toward König; the apex was livid. Chest heaving in anger, fists drawn up tight, soon turning white from the pressure. In mere seconds his head snapped towards the two alphas, closing in on them; he soon laid his hands on the scruff of their necks and pushed them to sit on the couch before him.

There was a strong growl coming from his throat. "Tell me what in the fuck you think you're doing? After everything that has happened, do you really think it was alright to do that?" An enraged roar erupted from him. If the talk a few nights ago was him angry, now he was more than livid. "After everything, you decide to go through her things instead of us talking about this as a pack. Your best plan of action was to fucking corner her about it?!? Do you even realize that this could make her not ever trust us?" The apex was near breathless as he emptied his lungs, screaming at the two alphas who ducked their heads submissively. "Do you understand what that would cause? She would be taken away from us forever to be either put in a fucking omega camp or reassigned to someone much worse! Not only that, we would never be allowed to have an omega ever again, Im not about to lose my only chance of having a happy omega and pups just because you two are absolute shit at showing your emotions." König snarled as he ran a hand through his hair. His apex wanted to stay and set the two alphas in front of him straight, but he knew his omega needed his comfort even if she didn't want it right now. "You two need to figure yourselves out before something even worse happens." He sighed as he withdrew before leaving the stunned alphas, soon treading softly to follow the path you had taken only minutes prior.

~~~~~~~

Your sour scent was just beginning to leak past your door; it made his apex whine, 'How had it gotten this far so quick'. Bringing up a fist, the apex knocked softly on your door, soon listening for your voice to either allow him in or to tell him to fuck off. For a few moments, nothing was said; no movement was made by either side. Finally, your voice cracked through the silence, quiet tears leaking from your eyes. You weakly replied, "Come in...please?" He obliged, soon pushing the door open and entering your room. The sight he was greeted with was absolutely heartbreaking. In the midst of blankets and pillows, you lay in your rather massive nest, your back to the door as he caught sight of you holding a pillow close to you. One that he had realized was Keegan's; it was drowned in his scent when he had first given it to you. But now it was overwhelmed by your own scent.

König approached the nest cautiously, not wanting to startle you in such a vulnerable state. "(Y/N)?" The apex cooed quietly. You finally turned to acknowledge him; you couldn't hide the tears or the roughness in your throat. "Alpha......why do they hate me so much." You sniffled. Konig moved to sit near the edge of the nest at your words, "Oh (Y/N), my sweet omega; they don't hate you. They just.....have a hard time showing their emotions, Mein schönes Mädchen." His voice rumbled. It was soothing. The way he spoke to you always made you feel special. Wanted even. "I know you didn't want us to find out you were still taking suppressants, but why did you have to hide it from us? From me?" The apex questioned. To be completely fair, you didn't have a full answer, but he deserved an answer, at least.

After a long pause, you decided to continue, although your voice remained soft. "I-I had thought about letting you guys know. I figured since the pills helped me calm down and made my life easier, it wasn't hurting anything to keep taking them. I just didn't know how." Your voice trembled softly as tears began to well up again. It pained König to know you didn't feel safe enough to tell them about this; he couldn't help but feel like he had failed you somehow. The apex didn't see you move until you had reached for his hand; looking at it, he instantly intertwined his fingers with yours. The contact seemed to soothe you slightly, but you wanted more; scooting further into the nest, you pulled on König's hand. gently guiding him into your nest.

Sitting next to you, König stroked your forehead with his thumb. Even though he had only been in the nest for less than five minutes, he could already tell you were feeling much better. He leaned in, pressing his nose against your shoulder as he pulled up into his embrace. His inner apex was howling in joy; to be the first one into his omegas nest and to even be allowed into a nest, in general, made him dizzy. "Don't worry, my sweet omega; they will come around. Just be patient with them; we have never been able to have any of this for most of our lives. But I know they will figure it out." König spoke softly as he started to run a hand through your hair to soothe you.

The only reaction he received from you was a small purr of contentment as you relaxed in his hold; sensing you were finally worn out, König moved to lay down with you tangled in his embrace. Surprisingly sleep found him sooner than it ever had before.

Tag List: @silentmel, @thisperspective, @thebestgirlever2, @ghostalina, @pascallllllll1, @jujitsuito2069, @hypernovaxx, @frazie99, @v1naco, @littlezarp, @thatoneautor0123, @credince--writes, @4ndjelij4, @alonelyteenagebroncinbuck, @alonelyteenagebroncinbuck, @random0lover, @wintersnnowie, @operatorinvestigatesco, @marytvirgin, @nightriver99, @l-lend, @kelpiesummer, @quietlyignoringyou, @teehee-47, @warrior-of-justice, @missbunnybunny, @maechanexe, @numberonemetalheadexpert, @littlemiss-nightshade,

[agrymonia]

aw good luck with your blog!! happy to see a new face ^__^ can i request cozmez anne and hajun finding our their s/o has been hiding the fact they have a phantometal/trap reactions? thank you lovie!

notes:

- kanata, nayuta, hajun, anne

- warnings: kanata's part turned out a bit angsty (sorry)

- hope u like it<3 and thank u for the message 🥺

Hiding your phantometal/trap reactions

Kanata

• Your phantometal was a bracelet that you used to take off every time you got home

• But after one busy day, you forgot to take it off, and by the time you remembered, it was already too late

• Due to the nature of his old job Kanata has seen plenty of phantometals in all shapes and forms, it didn't take him more than one quick glance to recognize the object wrapped around your wrist

• "What's that?" You expected anger, but by the tone of his voice you could sense that some part of him was actually hurting

• Even though Kanata really struggles with trusting others, and small inconveniences can waver the trust he has to offer, he wasn't upset at the fact that you possessed a phantometal. Instead, he was worried that you hid it from him. What if he failed to protect you too? He has seen the consequences of phantometals with his own two eyes, he has already lost everything that was dear to him once thanks to them, he can't afford to lose you too. He's upset because he can't even have the chance to protect you if you don't tell him anything about it in the first place.

• Seeing his reaction was enough to make you make up your mind. You don't want to make him worry so you decided to not hide these kind of things from him again

Nayuta

• He found your phantometal by accident while doing housework

• It was a long silver necklace, too cold to the touch

• Just like his brother, Nayuta had the opportunity to be in contact with lots of phantometals before. He could tell what was in his hand even with his eyes closed

• He didn't know why you haven't told him anything about it yet, but he had been in the same exact situation before and understood that you might have your own reasons to keep it hidden

• Still, as your partner, he wants to be able to communicate properly with you. He knows better than anyone else how messy things can get when important things stay hidden

• He wasn't mad but after thinking for a while he decided to confront you about it next time he sees you. He would appreciate if you talked to him about it, if there's a complicated reson behind the fact that you decided to keep it a secret he will encourage you to work it out together

Hajun

• You were good at hiding your trap reactions but you weren't as careful with the remnants of it

• Sometimes you would come back home with an evident lingering uneasiness

• And details like that couldn't escape Hajun's sharp eyes

• Having suffered himself some of the worst consequences of the phantometal, he could tell apart the symptoms of a trap reaction from an usual panic attack

• Once he started to suspect you might be dealing with trap reactions he pulled some strings from behind to confirm that you were participating in small-scale battles with your metal

• He decided to keep that information to himself and bring it up only if it's necessary He would rather wait to see if he can hear it coming from yourself even if he already knows the truth

Anne

• Anne found about your phantometal due to bad timing. Your trap reaction started way earlier than usual and it didn't give you enough time to go back home, unfortunately you were still hanging out with your partner when it abruptly started

• Anne got extremely worried at your sudden distress but when they tried to hold your hands to comfort you, they noticed a small silver ring with an intricate pattern that you've never worn in front of them before

• In that instant, Anne managed to put the pieces together

• First it was surprise and then a bit of sadness mixed with it. They never thought you were dealing with trap reactions. Anne understood it probably was a hard topic for you to talk about and they didn't want to be too intrusive

• But they still decided to have that conversation later when your head feels clearer, for you to know you could rely on them and for them to know how to comfort you

• Right now, they kept their thoughts about the topic to themselves and held your hands gently, waiting for the trap reaction to wear off so they could take you home and take care of you while you recover

[oceanlipgloss]

HEARTBREAKER

XAVIER.

+ warnings: light angst, slight hint on anecdote.

+ annotation: momental mention of MC's default hair colour.

Heartbreaker, cruel and blue. There was so much pain in that little body. Always sad, always longing to make peoples’ hearts ache too.

No one liked the tiny thing. It liked no one. Crying, chanting, crying even more, breaking hearts while it was at it. It was a mean little thing, but it secretly wished to be loved. Maybe it, too, was lonely. Maybe, as many others did, it too needed a hug of sorts—a hug like  a mug of hot chocolate, marshmallows floating on its surface: warm, all sugar. Maybe.

Heartbreaker, spiteful and blue. There was so much chagrin in that little body. Wrapped in an indigo scarf, yet always cold at heart. It was shivering on the inside. A cat tucked into a quilt of snow.

No one could get their hands on the teary thing.

Ever.

Until one day, a moonlit lady and her starlit prince snatched it.

Heartbreaker, anxious and blue. There was so much distress in that little body. It was squeezed in harsh hands as though it were an odd cake or cookie better off crumbling, else it goes down a stranger’s stomach and makes their heart—not any other organ besides their heart—sick.

The kidnappers hated it. It hated them even more. Heartbreaker knew it wasn’t loved. It felt angry and alone.

Cry, cry, cry.

Heartbreaker was a terrible crybaby. All it did was cry.

There was a pink romance shimmering before its big eyes, coating the white apartment with stardust and rosy glitter. So, blue Heartbreaker cried even harder.

Every night, the man gazed at the faraway stars. Every night, the woman pointed at the distant moon.

Their conversations were soft and silly in the late spring breeze. They talked about nothing at all, yet about everything all at once. Sweet, saccharine nothings.

Their stark locks interlocked in the night, thin braids of chocolate-brown and honeyed silver. Ringed Saturn.

They loved each other.

Love. A lie—is love anything but? Lies are usually short-lived; they had such pathetic lifepans. The one and only destiny of any love is for its tale to disappear like a dead star, like it never happened!

The young man was so cool, but still so impatient. Heartbreaker’s tears dropped onto the galactic light within him and made it blaze to burn. Excess oil in a lantern. He sometimes glared when sniffles disrupted their quiet words. The looks he gave were scarier than daggers or swords.

Space itself seemed to reside in the vast blue of his unlikely eyes. Stars could have spun their sharp extremities towards his enemies. Galaxies might have swallowed any creature he despised. He could have made the universe kneel for him and do it all.

Until one day, that knight’s sweetheart took Heartbreaker’s small hand and introduced it to the constellations. Like salt on popcorn, they studded the sky.

For a minute, for a very short minute, Heartbreaker somehow forgot how to cry. The planets shimmered in its admiring eyes. The world was an ugly, miserable place, but it still yearned to stargaze every night.

However, there was a deal to make: the better it behaved, the less it cried, only when it becomes kind, will it be rewarded by the stars—a ticket to watch them sparkle in a dizzyingly pretty show. And there was an oath to witness the man take: the slightest attempt to hurt his love would send it as far as could be from the stars—let it be lost within a vortex, cold and celestial. A black hole.

Heartbreak always latches onto the kind. It feels sweet for them, has a taste for their suicidal sweetness. So it was no wonder why Heartbreaker always clung to the girl, for her lover—calm and gentle as he was when with her—made its skin crawl.

There was a swirl of jealousy in his chest,  perhaps somewhat irrational, just not he was so irrationally in love; he wanted to be the one closest to her, or the only one whose clothes can brush against hers. Yet, Heartbreaker glued itself to her like a molten gummy bear.

Until one day, Heartbreaker had its first sip of marshmallow-sprinkled hot chocolate. It got its first hug. The princess was warm and sweet.

Heartbreaker was finally free.

But was it really?

Some things never change, like love and fate, despair and Heartbreaker.

Heartbreaker, envious and blue. There was so much envy in that little body. It was mean, but so were the dreamy lovers. A starry-eyed hunter and her blue-eyed monster.

‘Some soulmates aren’t meant to stay together,’ decided heartbroken Heartbreaker.

+notes: hello children, it is time to baby Heartbreaker. Once again I am projecting, because it is ME who wants to hug it. I love it sm. It's so mean and cute and sad and small. It is but a baby-blue lemon-like creature with a hate for love and passion for destructive desires same I kind of tried to make the fic resemble a children's story in some parts because Heartbreaker is baby material chaos included lol and idk why 2 of my 3 LNDS fics have been this unusual, but it will happen again, I promise. Also, XAVIER...I am very normal about the guy is all I'm saying. And yes, of course I had to snatch this chance to glaze this piece with a thin coating of heartbreak merriness from his anecdote.

+ MASTERLIST

+ AO3 POST

©𝙤𝙘𝙚𝙖𝙣𝙡𝙞𝙥𝙜𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙨

[infwctednyacifier]

Tips on helping alters disconnect from toxic relationships

As a system, you've most likely experienced some very toxic relationships, whether it be platonic, romantic, whatever. Cutting people off can be easy, but it's extremely hard when someone in your system is still attached to that person and is struggling to stop thinking of them. Below the cut are some tips to help with this situation.

1. Plan ‧₊˚⊹‧₊˚⊹

So, before anything, plan. This can be an extremely upsetting topic so you need to make sure you have everything you need down. It's best to write or type this down and simply read it off to the person who needs this. It's better to have another headmate or two with you in case you get too upset to continue so they can take over and talk for you to stop yourself from becoming further upset or distressed.

2. Questions ‧₊˚⊹‧₊˚⊹

Every good discussion, especially one as sensitive as this, should have times where questions can be asked. Not every headmate will be able to easily understand that this relationship is toxic and that they should stop associating with this person. Let them know that they can ask questions and that you'll do your best to answer because you only want what's best for them.

3. Support ‧₊˚⊹‧₊˚⊹

Again, this can be sensitive, upsetting, and distressing. Let them know that if this is causing them to become upset, they can come to you or another headmate for a shoulder to lean on. They should know that it's not their fault that they became so connected to this person, not their fault that they're struggling to let go, and not their fault for being upset about something like this. You should never deny their feelings as you are not them and they have the right to have and express their own emotions.

4. Role ‧₊˚⊹‧₊˚⊹

The role of the headmate may not seem important but it is. A relationship can be hard to abandon if a headmate was in a hard time, deals with hard times, or is a little or middle; a headmate having a hard time will struggle because they depended so much on that person, a headmate who deals with hard times will struggle because the person helped relieve the system, and littles and middles are young and naive and could become extremely dependant and attached to the person. These are some headmates that will struggle even more when it comes to getting rid of a toxic relationship compared to the rest of the system.

5. Distance ‧₊˚⊹‧₊˚⊹

Make sure anything that reminds you or your system of that person is gone. Whether that be a fandom or an object, it could set off a headmate and make them struggle even more when it comes to getting rid of the relationship. They should know to ignore anything that reminds them of that person and if something does remind them of that person, quickly override that thought with something else. Think; "Is (object) here?", "Is there anything here that's (color)?", "What are we eating for (breakfast/lunch/dinner)?", "I wonder how (person/headmate) is doing?", etc, etc. They could also have something that they can default to when they think of that person, whether it be a character, song, or something else.

Hope this helps!!! If you have any specific questions about this, my messages are always open and I'm always open to helping people as your self appointed big brother(s/siblings)!

[sleepingcup]

"I care for you!"

Game: Reverse 1999 x Reader

Characters: Horropedia x Reader

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Fluff, Crushing on you, signs of Depression

Disclaimer: This is purely made for fun, be well aware of ooc and mistypings.

Summary: You just woke up from a harsh nightmare that you can't recover. Finding yourself to his arms for comfort.

The world is cruel in so many ways.

And so is dreams and nightmares.

Both are brutally cruel and it can be hard to breathe, you wonder why how does people deal with this bullshit everyday. It is like a cycle of repeat that has been replayed over and over again.

"..."

Finding yourself wandering in the halls, you check the place one by one not caring about what happens next you went to do your usual job in your own office adjusting paperwork and reports so it can put the others at ease.

Getting yourself a cup of hot water/coffee/tea you need to refresh yourself from the pain it can't fully help you thanks to the brain re-remembering the nightmare. Everything hurts but you think you got used to it.

While you are doing your early morning tasks you soon got a visitor that appear to your office quietly. Facing to the person it was your best friend, Joshua who just got himself some freshly cooked hashbrowns.

"Hey (y/n)! Surprised to see you here! Can't sleep is what you are going to reply?"

"...????"

You were a bit confused as to why he was here all of a sudden, seeing as he closed the door right behind him before going straight to you. He still kept that goofy smile that you so admired.

"Want a hashbrown?"

"... Sure, thanks..."

Horropedia gave you a share of the hashbrown before sitting across from you and watching you take a bite. You stare at him wondering what he was about to say, and yet you paused yourself before you open your mouth.

Soon it was his cue to share his ramblings to you about the horror movies he watched as you listened to him, you do secretly admit that Horropedia is pretty much the best person to talk about anything else to distract your mind. Before you are a bit annoyed at him, but he does grow on you one by one.

How...?

Simple.

Compared to him and his joyful personality, the rest of the people in the ST. Pavlov Foundation are extremely strict.

If you are in two sides of the story, Horropedia and a few others secretly disobey the foundation in a different scenario, the foundation on the other hand had to be strict and check things one at a time. 'Treat them right' is what they provide, and yet you envy the people who secretly disobey the foundation sometimes.

But that is not about the foundation itself no, the situation is right in front of you.

Your own best friend or crush so to say loves to bother you.

You are in a massive distress.

Two choices in mind and yet you knew the answer.

It did not affect the strictness of the foundation, after all. Love, Familiarity, Affection, and Health care are important. Being left alone to deal with the heaviest thoughts could lead to serious incidents.

"Hey, hello~? Earth to (y/n)?"

"!!!"

You snap out of your thoughts to see Horropedia right in front of you, but you noticed that his happy-go-lucky smiling face was turned to real worry.

"...I can tell.... You got a nightmare again aren't you?"

"!!"

You were to stunned to speak, as he sighs gently pinching the bridge of his nose.

"(y/n)... We have been best friends ever since we are both from the orphanage, I am no stranger to know that you had nightmare quite often, and THIS is the face you are showing?"

The tone he say was very serious, you were about to say something more but you felt his warm embrace, "I am worried about you (y/n)! Please remember that! I had to check up on you no matter if they take me away from you, sure it does sound very cheesy but I am making it as simple as possible..."

Your eyes met his before he made a gentle smile, "I care for you, (y/n)! Even if I don't see or show like it but I am telling the truth I just need to let you know that I need you here with me!"

It took moments and yet, your vision gets blurred.

Knowing what it was, you gently wipe your face, tears are falling from your eyes. Soon you found yourself near Joshua, your lips gently touching his chest as you feel his arms hugging you closer to him. Shaking in his arms you found yourself weak as he gently squeeze you tighter.

You can't help but to tell him what nightmare you encounter as he just listens to you not even bothered to interrupt you.

"You know, you getting those nightmares are purely concerning... Oh! I know! Lets go to my room and I will help you go to sleep by watching horror movies with me!"

"... But...won't tha-"

"Relax I can just let them know that you need a rest, its only fair considering you often overwork yourself to the bone!"

Hating to admit that he is right, you had no choice but to lean to his chest with a nuzzle, he soon gets your intention and gently takes care of you and your office before carrying you to his room. He soon puts you to your room to change and grab a blanket and you did what you were told, as a result you two were now in his room. Horropedia wraps you like a burrito and snuggles you the second he opens another horror movies. You watched with him cozied up with him, and yet you found yourself leaning on him more often till you closed your eyes.

All Horropedia can do was keep an eye on you, but he isn't planning on letting you go.

He does admit to himself that he had a crush on you ever since you saved him from being caught by the foundation and plus spending time with him.

Without you knowing he feels happy knowing that he gave you a kiss on the head hoping that your nightmares are gone.

[kyouka-supremacy]

The very opening in BEAST and the implications of The Heartless Cur about Akutagawa constantly stuck in a dissociated state as a child in the slums does incomprehensible levels of damage to my brain. Living in a state where you're always starving, always fighting for scraps, being beaten by adults, waking up next to dead friends, having to maim or potentially kill at such an early age, escaping from traffickers so often, etc. are all so horrific that it's no wonder why he was called a child without emotions. Having to experience the grief, pain, and terror as it comes and goes in his situation would be a kind of hell that would be impossible to survive. Part of his brain probably shut itself off to avoid any more pain and distress. I have so many thoughts about it. There is something extremely heartbreaking about how despite living completely dissociated from his emotions, and possibly pain --to the point that he stared off into empty space while being beaten, or couldn't even express enjoyment at warm meals-- his priority had always been taking care of and protecting Gin and his friends. The one panels where he (gently, i have to mention) holds his friend that had frozen to death in their sleep, and him cutting a man's arm off for harming his friends imply that he either had the responsibility or took it upon himself to deal with the difficult and dangerous stuff. I am in the trenches losing the idgaf war

Akutagawa, upon feeling rage and hatred for the first time, thinks, "I've gained the ability to feel. Therefore, I'm no longer a heartless cur." Implies that he probably didn't see himself as anymore human than anybody other adult, which, considering that is all he had been called, he probably internalized. His friends were capable of smiling and experiencing joy with each other and also capable of experiencing sadness too. Did he ever look at his friends having fun and think something was wrong with him to be unable to feel anything or express it if he did? How did he feel looking at his sister--his other half, the most important person - while trying his best to take care of her and be the best for her while not being all there? How does it affect him now? So many questions and I'm going insane about it. Sorry for dumping this onto you but I needed a victim

Anon, have mercy on me

I think that Gin is such an important part of Ryuunosuke's character exactly for that. It is impossible to transcend from it– if you forget about her, you're just failing to comprehend Ryuunosuke. Gin is literally the only factor that keeps Ryuunosuke human. We see him lash out and we see him howl and we see him being beaten up and we see him act with not an ounce of reason; for most of the story, we see nothing of Ryuunosuke but a rabid animal. But I think the moment he shows to truly care about Gin, that's the moment the reader starts perceiving him as human, as well as the moment we start feeling sympathy for him. Unexpectedly and unpredictably, he shows a side of him that isn't violent and bestial, a side of him that is caring, that is loving towards a family member, something that is easy to relate to; then, even him can be human. Even in the slums, even when everything else of him seems numb and detached and heartless, he still cared for his family first. He still made flowers with his ability and retaliated against anyone who mistreated his siblings. When one of his friends got hurt, he carried them on his back. When a dog killed his friend, he mercilessly slaughtered all the dogs in the vicinity. What's that, if not the only way someone who never knew anything but violence and pain has left to express love?

Of course Ryuunosuke had internalized his being not human, of course he believes that. Of course he's the first who considers himself a dog. But that's what makes Ryuunosuke's character development so meaningful, isn't it? Isn't that true that it wouldn't result as impactful if such a strong ability to hate and such a strong ability to love didn't come from a place of true incapacity to feel? It is, alright, a simplistic perspective, but Ryuunosuke's story really is the succession of quests that have him gain emotions, and with every new one he becomes a little more human, till he's reached the fulfillment of his being. Maybe love really is the ultimate thing that makes us human.

[wren-of-the-woods]

On Doomsdays and Devotion

After the Enterprise’s most recent brush with death, Jim notices that Spock is sticking closer to him than usual. The conversation that ensues is unexpectedly impactful. This is 2.5k of pre-Spirk feels, rated G. On AO3 here!

Jim was fairly certain that Spock had been following him. 

It did not happen all the time. It did not disrupt either of their duties. In fact, it had taken him a few days to convince himself that he was not imagining it, especially since he was still distracted by dealing with the fallout of their most recent incident with a planet-killing weapon. Still, once he started paying attention, the fact remained: when Spock would normally have been off on his own doing science experiments or reports or whatever else Spock did when he was away from Jim, he was, instead, quietly by Jim’s side. 

Spock sat next to Jim at meals. He accompanied him in the gym. He sat in the same room as Jim when they were doing reports. Even when they were not together, Spock often found reasons to pass Jim in the corridor, speak to him briefly, or grab something from whatever room Jim was in on his way from task to task.

Jim did not mind this. In fact, he probably should have been slightly worried about just how little Spock’s frequent presence bothered him, but he could not quite bring himself to analyze that part of his feelings too deeply. Suffice to say that he was not irritated by the shift in his first officer’s behavior. He was, however, slightly concerned. 

At one point, he attempted to bring it up with the Vulcan in question. 

“Mister Spock,” he said, smiling, “Is there something you would like to discuss with me?”

Spock blinked at him. If it were anyone else, Jim would almost have said he looks sheepish.

“No, captain.”

Jim bit back a sigh. He did not expect Spock to simply tell him whatever was going on, not after so many days of silence, but it still would have been nice.

“Very well,” said Jim, and the conversation was forgotten. Jim almost began to ignore the unusual occurrence entirely.

Then, one night, well over a standard week after the incident with their most recent planet-killer, Jim suddenly found that he could no longer hold himself together. 

He was off duty, which was fortunate, but that was just about the only thing that felt fortunate about the situation. The events of their most recent adventure — the death of his friend, the possibility and reality of such destruction, how close he had come to his own death — had finally caught up to him, and all he could do was hightail it to his quarters and hope he made it before his crew has to witness their captain having a minor meltdown. He ended up hiding in his room for a good portion of the evening, a few hours which he would rather not talk about, before eventually deciding he had pulled himself together enough to justify going out in search of some food. 

After everything, it really should not have been a surprise that Spock was there when he emerged. 

His first officer was attempting to look nonchalant, but given that there was very little reason for his presence in this corridor at this time and it was highly unlikely that he simply happened to be here at the moment Jim left his room, Jim thought he was doing a rather poor job of it. He looked distinctly unsurprised by Jim’s presence. 

“Mister Spock,” he said, trying to act casual and not as though he had spent the last few hours working through a series of extremely strong emotions. “Is something wrong?”

Spock looked at Jim consideringly for a moment. Jim resisted the urge to fidget under his gaze. 

“The ship is in standard working order, captain,” Spock said. 

“That isn’t a no.”

“Correct. You are experiencing emotional distress.”

Jim winced a little. “That obvious, huh?”

“To an average member of the crew, likely not. I, however, can make out eleven separate physiological and psychological signs that—”

Jim raised a hand to cut him off. “Very well, Mister Spock, I understand. You’re right.” He quirked a small smile. “Even the great Captain Kirk can’t see his friend die without experiencing any unpleasantness, I’m afraid.”

“You also came close to death, captain.”

Jim blinked. “Yes, that too, I suppose.”

Spock’s lips thinned almost imperceptibly, but he said nothing. For a moment, they stood there in rather awkward silence. 

“Well,” said Jim eventually, “I was going to get some food. Would you like to accompany me?”

“I would find that acceptable, captain.”

Spock fell easily into step beside him as they made their way towards the mess hall. They were silent as Jim got some food and sat down with his plate. Spock sat across from him, though he had not taken any food from the replicators. The room was empty due to the late hour and the lights were dimmed. In the silence, Spock’s presence seemed to have more significance than really made sense. 

Jim ate in silence for several long moments. Spock considered him from across the table. Eventually, to Jim’s surprise, it was Spock who broke the silence. 

“Would you like to speak about the subject of your distress?” asked Spock. 

Jim paused. His instinct was to refuse, to focus on the mission instead of his distraction and only talk about it later, perhaps in his logs or on shore leave with Bones and copious amounts of alcohol. He usually did his best to keep Spock from having to deal with any more of his human emotions than is necessary. But Spock was asking, now, and though the Vulcan would deny it if he ever dared to make the claim, Jim could tell that he was worried. He could not bring himself to refuse his friend’s offer.

“It… troubles me, when I can’t save someone.”

Spock’s brows furrowed. “You were not on the ship at the time of Decker’s departure. It was not your responsibility to save him, nor was it possible for you to do so.”

Jim managed a small, sad smile. “I know. That doesn’t mean it’s easy to remember.”

Spock inclined his head in acknowledgement, and they returned to the silence in which the meal had begun. Jim finished his food, pushed his plate aside, and looked at Spock consideringly. Spock returned his gaze, even and unflinching.

“There’s something on your mind, Mr Spock. Care to share?” 

Spock considered him for a moment. When he spoke, it was with deliberation.

“It concerns me, captain, that you give such little importance to your own near demise.”

Jim blinked. 

“I had no desire to die,” he said.

“And yet you came perilously close to doing so.”

“It was the best way to save the ship.”

“Perhaps, sir, but you must take into account the way your death would have affected the ship and its crew. Productivity would have decreased at a significant rate and the emotional fallout would have affected many of the crew for at least several years.”

Jim frowned. “A grieving crew is better than a dead crew. I wouldn’t be much of a captain if I couldn’t value my ship above myself.”

“You may be correct, captain. However, I would still strongly advise you to utilize more caution in the future.”

Jim’s brows furrowed. “Where is this coming from, Spock? This isn’t the first time I’ve almost died.”

Spock hesitated. Jim noticed, for the first time, a shadow of vulnerability hidden bleeding through the edges of Spock’s mask of Vulcan control. He felt his expression soften.

“Spock,” he said gently, “Why have you been following me?”

Spock looked down at his hands where they were calmly clasped together, resting on the table. “It is illogical, captain.”

“You? Illogical? Somehow I doubt that.”

“Even the best of us have our flaws.”

Despite the strange tension in the air between them, Jim could not help but chuckle at that. 

“Very true.” Then, when a moment of silence went by without Spock responding, he prompted, “Well?”

Still looking at his hands, Spock paused for a moment before speaking. “I admit that I would have found it most disagreeable if you had lost your life in that mission.”

“I wouldn’t have exactly been pleased with it either.”

Spock continued as though Jim had not spoken. “Were you to perish, the ship would feel your absence most keenly.”

Jim considered him for a long moment before, throwing caution to the winds, he spoke. “And you? Would you feel it?”

For the first time in several moments, Spock finally looked up and met Jim’s eyes. “I admit that I would, captain.”

Jim swallowed. If Spock were human, Jim would have reached across the table to take his hand, but as it was, he contented himself with holding his earnest gaze. 

“I’m sorry I concerned you.”

“Thank you,” said Spock. “Though I admit that I appreciate it more if you refrained from doing so again in the future.”

“You know I can’t promise that, Spock.”

Spock’s brow furrowed slightly. “I am aware, captain. However, that does not mean I am pleased by this fact.”

Jim smiled a little, gentle and a bit sad. “I thought Vulcans were not capable of displeasure.”

Spock looked Jim in the eye, tilting his head slightly. “When it comes to you, I find a great many capable of a great many things.”

Jim opened his mouth. He closed it again. 

“I see,” he said, rather lamely. 

Spock frowned. “Captain, I do not think you realize the importance of this matter.”

“It’s my life. I’d say I have a pretty good sense of how important it is.”

“And yet you are acting as though you do not realize how significant it is to those around you.”

“A captain’s life is lived in service of his ship and his crew”

“The importance of your existence is not found solely in your captaincy, Jim.”

Jim gave Spock a long, considering look. “Are you trying to tell me something, Spock?”

“It is also found, among other things, in your status as a friend.”

Jim was silent, digesting this. Spock looked at him for a long moment, then, unprompted but with uncharacteristically visible hesitance, spoke again. 

“I have been maintaining a proximity to you that is closer than average for the last eight point three days because, unreasonable and improper as it may be, I have found your presence an illogically reassuring reminder that you did not, in fact, perish during our last mission.”

“Oh,” said Jim softly.

This time, he was unable to keep himself from reaching out to place a hand on Spock’s sleeve, just above the wrist. Spock looked down at the place where their skin didn’t quite touch, seeming to consider it, but did not protest the contact. Jim took this as permission to leave his hand where it is. 

“I’m sorry to have caused you pain,” he said. It was a testament to the weight of the conversation that Spock only frowned slightly at this, not bothering to protest the implications of emotion in Jim’s statement. “I’m safe now. I promise I had no intention of letting the universe get rid of me this easily.”

Jim paused for a moment, thinking, then forged ahead with all the boldness of the man who had recently faced death without flinching.

“You know I had to do it, though,” he said.

Spock’s frown deepened slightly. “The machine’s destruction was logically necessary for the sake of the galaxy. However, the specific method chosen was perhaps not—”

Jim held up a hand to stop him. “I’m aware of your thoughts on my methods. I’m talking about my motivation.”

Spock’s frown grew less displeased and more considering. “In that case, please elaborate.”

Jim couldn’t help a small, fond smile at Spock’s words. “I knew it had to be destroyed for the sake of the galaxy, but that wasn’t really what I was thinking about when I did it.” His smile faded into seriousness as he spoke. He maintained eye contact with Spock. “I was thinking about my crew. About how my friends— my family would be destroyed if I did not act.”  He gently squeezed Spock’s forearm where his hand still rested on his sleeve. “I was thinking about you.”

Spock was silent. Jim studied his face, trying to parse the emotions he could almost feel hiding behind Spock’s Vulcan control. There was surprise, he thought, and perhaps confusion, but also something deeper, perhaps more vulnerable or more tender. He could not make it out. 

Jim found that he could not let this conversation stagnate in silence, not without knowing for certain that Spock understood him. 

“So,” he said, “I hope you realize that this feeling goes both ways.”

Spock’s brows furrowed just slightly. “Clarify.”

“I… value your presence. Very highly. I, um,” Jim paused, took a deep breath, then forged on quickly. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.” He swallowed. “Please don’t make me find out.”

Spock paused. He considered Jim for a long moment. For some reason, Jim grew increasingly nervous under his scrutiny. 

“I am gratified to know that you understand the sentiment,” Spock said eventually. “I will endeavor to act in the interest of self-preservation.”

Jim relaxed a little, letting a smile slip onto his face. “That’s all I can ask for. Thank you.”

“And you will endeavor to do the same?”

Jim lifted his hand from Spock’s arm and held it out to shake. “It’s a deal.”

Too late, he remembered the vast differences between the cultural norms of humans and Vulcans when it came to touch and fingers in particular. He made to withdraw his hand, slightly sheepish.

Before he could move and without breaking eye contact,  Spock reached forward and took his hand. 

Jim felt a spark of warmth, almost a tingling sensation, travel up his arm and down his spine at the touch. Spock’s hand was dry and very warm. His gaze was serious, earnest in a way Jim rarely saw from him. Jim found that he could not look away. 

“A deal,” Spock repeated, his voice soft and low. Jim found himself fighting back a shiver. 

Before Jim could pull himself together and return to his senses long enough to speak, Spock released his hand and stood. Jim looked up at him, blinking dumbly, as Spock nodded at him.

“This conversation has been most profitable, captain. Thank you for your time.”

“It— uh, it was my pleasure.” Jim winced internally, abruptly glad the room was empty but for the two of them. He doubted his suave reputation would survive intact otherwise.

Jim could have sworn he saw Spock smirk at him as he turned to go. He found himself smiling softly in return as he watched Spock leave.

When Jim returned to his quarters, he found that he felt much better than he had when he left them last. The emotional toll of the mission was not completely lifted, of course, but the reminder that he had his first officer at his side made it feel easier to bear. The thought of Spock’s concern for his well-being made him made him feel oddly warm. 

And, if it was the memory of Spock’s hand on his — of the warmth of his touch, the thinly veiled feeling in his eyes, the emotions that sparked in Jim’s own chest at the contact, and the promise of, maybe, someday, something more — that eventually lulled him to sleep with a smile on his face, that was no one’s business but his own.

[angelique-of-the-volturi-guard]

Angel Dust Agere Headcanons Part 2!

Since my last list of Angel Dust headcanons was well received, I’m making more! Enjoy all!

Angel Dust’s biggest struggle with Age Regression is with diapers- but not using them. Because of his work with Val he’s done plenty of things other people would find gross or nasty, so that part doesn’t really bother him. It’s being able to trust somebody enough to let them change him that’s the struggle. After a long period of doing it for himself, Alastor finally got him to let down his guard and let him change him. For a long time Alastor was the only one allowed to change him. Since then, Charlie and Husk have been added to the list.

Angel prefers to crawl in his headspace at any age because when he stands up and is taller than everyone else it doesn’t make him feel as little as he wants to feel.

When Angel is very little (5 months and below) and Alastor has to go to the radio station, he has a setup for Angel in the studio. This includes a cradle that uses magic to rock him to sleep, and a playpen that changes what is inside of it to fit Angel’s current needs. Both are soundproofed so that the broadcast isn’t interrupted, but the magic in both objects tells Alastor what his current needs are making it effortless for Alastor to put on some music and attend to him swiftly.

Since Angel can’t die of many of the same consequences human children face, Alastor has adapted a natural consequences philosophy when it comes to dealing with Angel giving trouble at any age in his headspace, and finds it works extremely well for him.

Angel Dust is the most bratty around Husk and Vaggie if he’s having a hard day, because they’ll usually shrug it off and bitch about things with him.

Alastor asks Rosie for a recommendation for a seamstress around the time of Angel’s birthday. She gives it to him, and he pays a pretty penny to give Angel a very special birthday present- a bunch of clothes that match or go with his outfits made for Fat Nuggets. Angel is delighted to dress up Fat Nuggets (who is not as enthused), but Fat Nuggets is delighted when Angel carries him everywhere declaring them twins.

When Angel’s separation anxiety from Alastor is extreme and he’s acutely distressed, Husk will sit beside him and purr, letting Angel pet him to help him calm down.

Angel has regressed on the job exactly one time, and no one talks about it. After filming a scene that triggered him to the point of tears due to it resembling a real experience he’d had in his life of assault, he locked himself in his dressing room with Val pounding on the door barking at him to get back on the set. Angel hurriedly gets his phone and calls Alastor, before hiding in his closet and shutting the door to feel some semblance of safety. Within the next twenty minutes everything goes quiet, and when the closet door is opened, it’s by Alastor, who made sure every single camera in the place was distorted so his breakdown couldn’t be publicized. Alastor walks him out of the studio, before he carries him back to the hotel when he can’t walk anymore. No one who was there on the set ever discusses it, and Alastor made sure of it.

Angel likes to dress in pink footed pajamas, pinafore dresses with a shirt underneath, and anything in soft pastel colors.

Because of Alastor’s abilities and a lot of the hotel residents not liking to say no to him, Angel is extremely spoiled materially. Anything he wants is his within reason.

Angel likes to fall asleep cuddling things- whether those things are blankets, stuffed animals, or fat nuggets. But he will not sleep without something either warm or soft to cuddle.

Angel frequently has nightmares while little as a result of his trauma, and often goes to Alastor in the middle of the night for comfort. But since Alastor values his sleep and definitely can’t handle being cuddled all night, he put a system in place for those nights. There’s a cradle right next to his bed. Alastor sleeps with one arm hanging just over the inside of the cradle. When Angel comes in, he climbs into the cradle and will hold onto Alastor’s hand until he falls asleep.

Everybody at the hotel was pretty suspicious about whether or not Alastor was sincerely attached to Angel or if it was just a manipulation tactic- especially Vaggie and Husk. However, when Val comes to the hotel one day looking for Angel they see his protectiveness first hand. When Angel refuses to go with him, Val gets angry and raises a hand to him (Angel flinches and yes this one made me sad for that visual alone), but Alastor shields him and comes up beside him telling him that as the hotel manager, he’s asking him to leave. When Val asks what will happen if he doesn’t, Alastor doesn’t hesitate to put the fear of God (lol) in him, before swiftly turning around and making sure Angel is okay. Nobody questions it after this.

Angel calls Alastor Papa but doesn’t call anyone Mama or Mom. However, he does call Rosie “Zia”, meaning Aunt.

Angel has a particular fondness for being doted on or fussed over at any age, and often bonds with Alastor that way since they both struggle with touch.

Bonus Material: Angel’s favorite things (by category and starting with infancy and aging up!)

Foods: Milk, banana purée, rice cereal, mashed peas, pain au chocolat, croissants, biscotti, zucchini, spaghetti carbonara, lasagna, pizza, ice cream, cookies.

Toys: Teether, Rattle, toy keys, stacking rings, toy car, toys that light up, toys that sing, stuffed animals, dolls, tea set, dress up clothing.

People: Alastor, Cherri Bomb, Husk, Charlie, Niffty, Vaggie, Sir Pentious, The Egg Boiz

Feelings: Being rocked and held before falling asleep, being read to, nursing his pacifier, being sung to, cuddling Fat Nuggets, playing with his favorite toys, dressing up, making a new friend, being accepted as he is.

Small things that make him happy: Alastor turning off the radio effect of his voice to talk to him, Charlie fussing over him with a smile, Vaggie sneaking him a piece of candy, Sir Pentious and the egg boiz letting him nap in their nest, Niffty playing with him, Husk being softer and gentler with him, whenever Cherri Bomb calls him Darl (short for Darling).

[h-didanart]

The time none of you were waiting for has come… it is time for me to dump lore on you all. ‘Who is it today?’ I hear no one ask, why our vengeful pal Agony Ghost Bloodmoon of course!

Agony Ghost is a variation of the Quiet Throes au, in which Bloodmoon ends up dying after The Bastard’s murder attempt. They are extremely fucking pissed and will basically do everything in their power to make Ruin’s life as miserable as it can be. Though I haven’t shared more lore than that, and what I just said wasn’t exactly stated out loud mostly just assumed, and I do have some more lore about how the events at the end of October would play out. So without further ado, here is the lore dump:

As always purple = always has been, blue = recently came up with, green = I just made it up

Trigger warnings- referenced and implied torture and sa

They woke up and immediately were in pain. Every single joint in their body ached, moving hurt, they were given no time to even process where they were.

After a few minutes of them getting used to the ache they looked around and were confused by their sudden change in location, they had been in the Daycare hadn’t they? Why were they at this dusty old lab— Solar’s dusty old lab?

They got up, wincing at their unsteady legs and just now realizing their clothes felt different, just as much as their body. They had been freaking out before and they were freaking out now, they had no idea what happened. They tried to make sense of it all, tried to remember anything that could help them.

And then they did remember. The bad day they had, them blowing up at Ruin, Ruin immobilizing them… all the pain

Their reaction was about the same as chapter five’s, ie. they had a really bad panic attack. Only this time no one came to help them.

It then hit them what could possibly be their situation: they were dead, and Ruin had killed them.

They wanted to believe they weren’t and this was all a weird out of body experience or whatever, Harvest did at least, but when Solar walked into the room he didn’t even spare a glance at them, more focused on a table in the back. They followed him in confusion and on the table saw… themselves.

And that is how they knew.

They were dead.

And Ruin had killed them.

They kinda just stayed in that room for the most part. They watched Solar come by and do stuff in the computers, they watched as their unmoving body remained lifeless, they tried to bring one another comfort but for once it didn’t work.

No matter how hard they tried they couldn’t stop the overwhelming distress and sorrow, it was almost like that’s all they could feel. And anger, in small bursts, towards themselves for letting it get to this point.

It would also be good to add at this point, between having the memories from the start and being able to see the damages their body sustained, the twins are able to figure out what exactly Ruin put in them and what he did with it.

Disgust and horror wouldn’t even begin to describe what they felt.

They laid on the ground for hours on end, not having anything else to do, hopelessness eating away at what remained of themselves. After a while Solar walked by, mumbling something about tools or whatever, quieting down as he spotted the twin’s corpse on the table.

They thought he’d finally put it in the trash, or take what was salvageable to use as spare parts.

They did not expect for him to approach slowly, placing a hand on the table, taking a deep sigh and barely whispering, “I���m sorry I couldn’t save you”

This was their enemy, someone they’d only made a deal with to deal with an issue for them both.

They killed his family, they tried to kill him, and when they are the ones to die he apologizes?

They think for a bit, remembering Solar’s daily check ups since their deal, how they hadn’t seen him that damned day. They remember their senses slipping away slowly as the oil dripped from them, pain dulling and darkness turning to static. They remember a faint shake, something wrapped around their waist, and a feeling of weightlessness before everything truly went away.

He tried to save them.

He did save them.

He just couldn’t save their lives. He… cared enough to try.

He cared.

There was someone who cared.

They had someone who cared.

They follow him around since then, watching him work, curling up beside him, just being around. He makes their anguish lessen.

Through the confrontation they stick by his side. And after the fact as well.

They eye the “cured” Ruin warily, glad that their Solar wasn’t fool enough to fall for the charade. Who would after knowing the shit he did to them? They glare at the broken bastard, for once their anger not directed towards themselves.

It’s a while later when Solar has some free time, he goes back to the lab for their body.

They follow him to a place they faintly recognize, some sort of place to look at the stars, and watch as he buries it under a leafless tree. They both stand there, staring at what would be their resting place.

It feels bad but is also kinda nice.

He had covered them before they died, he had gotten them a pretty grave.

They sometimes wonder what could’ve been if they had lived, if in death he showed this care.

They keep following Solar for a long while, discovering their ability to float, and how they can move things if they really focus. This second one was tested on Ruin, they pushed him off the balcony. It was very funny.

The twins got ideas from this, and having nothing better to do, decided to act on them. Moving things around, a shove here and there, messing with the environment, they started stalking Ruin and making his life difficult.

It was relatively light punishment for what the bastard did, but it brought them glee nevertheless. And then one day, as they were in the Fazcade, they watched the Bastard sneak around, Solar coming by a few moments later, only for Ruin to knock him out. Bloodmoon stared, and a moment later were by their Solar’s side.

It was the first time they showed themselves to someone, and the real start of the haunting.

They’ve been tormenting The Bastard ever since.

Only he can see them, they only speak to him. His patience has deteriorated, it is harder for him to act. They enjoy watching him struggle to keep the facade, watching as he frustratedly cries over whatever plans he had being delayed.

They’ve inadvertently delayed both the creation of Eclipse III and the multiversal collapse. They didn’t even know Ruin was still scheming, though they did figure out he had a clear mind all through October, his reaction to seeing them was all they needed to know. They felt oddly vindicated by that, that it was actually him and not some easily cured virus.

Their feelings of dread and sorrow have mostly shifted to rage and hate, something they’re more familiar and far more comfortable with.

They’ll keep him alive and suffering for as long as they can.

They’ll make him pay for what he did, it’s really only fair.

AND that’s their lore story wise! I’m cheering them on quite frankly, they deserve to go feral on Ruin, make his life hell. Anyways, I’m gonna go on a ramble about their design now because there are a bunch of little details that are there and I want to point out—

First off, the clothes. They are wearing what they had on when they died, so the hoodie, gloves, scarf(?), and the cape Solar tied around their waist, granted I did make that longer both because of the more ghostly look and because I don’t want to draw their legs. Speaking of, their legs are just as messed up as what’s described, basically mutilated, they will fall over if they fully materialize. Their right wrist is broken, hand always in some uncomfortable looking angle, it’s hard to control but they still can move it. Their left eye’s light fully went out, so it’s just a black socket with the occasional white pupil when they’re extra mad or trying to be scary, y’know, FNaF style. The tear tracks in their face are both because of the FNaF ghost style and because they did have those as they died. And not in their physical design but their voice box is broken, static comes out alongside their voice, and they also cannot speak very loud.

More doodles of them :3

Yes that Moon plushy is meant to be an indirect way of representing how messed up their legs are.

:3

[feroluce]

Extremely in love with the idea of a time loop scenario for submas, because PLA made it just so PERFECT for them. ♡♡♡

I love thinking of it from Ingo's POV because that would be so confusing. Like he goes to bed with Emmet totally normal and fine one night, and the next morning, the change is just so. STARK.

Emmet looks exhausted, in a way that Ingo has no idea how to deal with, because it doesn't look as simple as Emmet not having slept well. He's tired in a way that sleep won't fix, he's listless, he's quiet, all of his energy and chipper attitude that Emmet usually displays even in the early hours of the morning has been completely sucked away and left him looking hollow and empty.

Emmet seems resigned to something, and Ingo has no idea what it is or what to do about it.

Ingo himself has had a strange anxiety lately, something he's left unspoken so as not to worry his darling brother, an odd ominous sensation that haunts him constantly, but all of it goes on the back burner immediately. It's probably nothing. It's certainly not his main concern anymore.

His day only gets weirder as it goes. Not only does Emmet evade Ingo's questions trying to figure out what's wrong with him, he also refuses to explain odd things that he shouldn't have or know. Ingo finds a pokeball that doesn't match any of their team, it's one he's never seen or even heard of before, gold on one side and silver on the other-

Emmet lays his hand over Ingo's, carefully takes the pokeball from him, quietly tells him not to worry about it. Everything will be ok. Emmet will explain everything, he promises. But later...ok?

Ingo doesn't push. Emmet goes back to cooking breakfast. He somehow manages to make exactly what Ingo's craving.

÷÷÷

When they get to Gear Station, Emmet asks to do the multi train instead of running their own separate lines, and Ingo is so distressed about Emmet's behavior so far that he doesn't have it in him to refuse. Ingo would do just about anything right then to see Emmet actually smile, not the crestfallen, stitched-on expression that's been fooling everyone else all day.

Emmet goes on to correctly predict every single pair of trainers they face that day, to the point that it becomes uncanny. He's always been an extremely able battler, Emmet has excellent intuition and he can quickly adapt to almost anything thrown his way. Ingo has always admired and been so, so proud of him.

But that's a little different from Emmet adjusting to a trainer's attack pattern before they even toss out their pokeball.

Over their lunchbreak, Emmet doesn't leave Ingo's side for even a moment, much as he's done for the entire day. They normally stick pretty close together, they prefer to function as a pair after all, but there's a strange desperation to it today. Emmet pulls out the lunches he'd made that morning; it's all of their favorites.

Ingo watches Emmet savor it like a last meal.

And then, that night, at the end of their shift, well after dark when the hour is closing in on midnight. Ingo gets a message that a bright light was seen down in one of the abandoned subway tunnels. Must be a flashlight; a trespasser, probably. Ingo turns to tell Emmet to go home without him; Ingo is the night owl between them and Emmet has had an off day. He deserves to go home and rest, Ingo will be home as soon as he's done with some more work.

Ingo has no more opened his mouth when he realizes Emmet already has all his things gathered and is taking his hand. "I'm going down with you."

Ingo hadn't told him about the message yet. He shouldn't have known.

÷÷÷

The whole way down the tunnels, Emmet has a vice grip on Ingo's hand, fingers laced tight together. He barely even seems to investigate, he just kind of walks with Ingo, pace slower than usual, always watching their steps.

Ingo sticks his head around a corner to check for intruders, and hears a quiet intake of breath behind him before the hand in his suddenly redoubles its grip.

Ingo turns around. Emmet is looking down. Ingo follows his gaze.

There is light. Bright, searing, white light, that is not Emmet's flashlight, not Ingo's flashlight, but is wrapped around Ingo himself, coming up from the bottoms of his shoes.

Ingo tries to jump back but finds that he can't move, he's rooted to the spot, there is light pouring out of him and flooding the ground, spreading outwards, lapping at Emmet's ankles who is suddenly right up against Ingo and holding onto him like he might disappear.

"I am sorry. Ingo, I am so, so sorry." Ingo pushes at Emmet's arms, but he won't budge, he won't get out of the way- "I tried. I really did!" the light wants Ingo, just him, he can feel it, Emmet needs to get away from him- "Many, maaaaany times!" he has no idea what he's talking about but he can't let Emmet be collateral, he can't, he can't, Ingo shoves at him again, harder, Emmet stubbornly clings on, Ingo's panic is rising like the tide, like bile in his throat, only growing more desperate in the face of Emmet's disarming calm, the light is obscuring everything, warping it, twisting it- "But I could not keep you here with me."

Everything, all of it, his entire world turns violently on its head, and when the light finally lets him go, Ingo sees bright blue sky all around him. Emmet looks up at him, the force of the shift having put them at arm's length, but unable to break their grip on each other. He can see the entire expanse of the landscape sprawled behind his brother, far far below. Pinpricks of tears bubble up from Emmet's eyes and spatter against Ingo's cheeks as they hurtle like a comet towards the ground.

"So let's Fall together."

[renegade-diamonds]

I'm so nervous about sending asks aaaa but I wanted to tell you I LOVED your take on alpha Nancy and Omega Robin, and the idea that they presented when they met is just chef kiss. I wonder if Nancy, being an alpha, has some sort of special protective instinct when it comes to omegas, especially Robin, who has now captured her attention in such a peculiar way. She hates smelling her stress, and there's a point in which she smells it every time she's near her (Robin freaking out around her and being so nervous because she knows Nancy is an alpha and must be able to tell when she's distressed, or aroused, or anything really, and for someone as closed off as Robin that must be extremely upseting and frustrating).

So now Nancy just feels an irresistible urge to protect Robin and keep her always within her sight. It's something she can only explain as weird alpha instincts making her act like that - though being protective is in her nature, and she's always protected those she loves. I wonder if there are any other omegas in Nancy's circle for her to compare the feeling to - maybe Will, or her own mother? Not great comparison points. It just makes her more confused. She's confused as to why she feels so protective of Robin and why it makes her so upset to sense her distress. Omega fear is just something else.

HIIIIII! I've seen your ronance content, and I am a BIG fan!

All alphas have a strong protective instinct for their friends and families, but Nancy's got dialed to a 10 after everything with the Upside Down started. She's honestly worse than Steve at times, but she's way more controlled and nonchalant about it (even though Nancy's always standing on business when it comes to dealing with threats).

She checks on the kids twice a day, and spends every other night in the hospital with Max so that Lucas and the others can get rest at home.

But her emotions are completely fucked when it comes to Robin. Once they start really getting closer, Nancy has to make sure Robin's safe. They talk on the phone every night before bed, and Nancy makes sure Robin has a walkie-talkie on her at all times.

When they start organizing patrols to deal with the open gates in Hawkins, Nancy always makes sure Robin's scheduled either with her or Steve.

One night, Mike gets scheduled with Robin and Nancy for a patrol and realizes his sister is in love again after she absolutely pulverizes a demodog with her shotgun. It knocked Robin to the ground and nearly bit her arm, which sent Nancy straight into a rage. To this day, he still swears he heard Nancy growl at it- something he had never heard her do before.

[cleavetheclover]

Any Nighttime in Las Vegas spoilers/hints/tidbits to keep us fed? 👀

Nighttime in Las Vegas - author notes on future updates!!

Okay first of all, thank you for the ask!! I am extremely honored by your investment in the fic 🥰

Note: I am not sure how heavy you wanted the spoilers to be when you submitted the ask, so I kept it on the more vague side. I hope this satisfies what you were looking for!

This work is my most ambitious to date and has been an inspiring and invigorating challenge. The effort I have put into this work has been enourmous, and I am incredibly grateful for all the attention the work has gotten. Thank you!! 🎉💕

More info below cut! Non-spoiler (chapter 5) updates first, then Major Spoilers (chapters 6, 7, and 8) next.

Chapter 5 (most recently uploaded chapter):

- Chapter 5 (specifically scenes 11/Medbay and 12/Brimstone’s Office) currently being re-written. I thought that scene 11 was pretty sloppily written and there was a lot of key info that didn’t get properly communicated, and the changes are intended to communicate the plot line with better storytelling/use of characters and dialogue. The major changes in scene 11 are complete and I am doing minor fixes to scene 12 to keep the story consistent.

- To elaborate on the above, scenes 11 and 12 establish that: 1) Omen was rescued per his Distress Call, and Cypher was not. 2) Omen needed to be revived, and is still injured. 3) Fade has been sent on a Search and Rescue mission for Cypher. 4) in discussion with Sage and Brimstone, it is discovered that the mission Cypher and Omen were on was not approved, and that the documents Omen has access to are not in the database and likely forged. 5) Killjoy performs an assessment showing that there have been no external threats / sources of tampering that could be responsible for this incident. 6) Sage and Brimstone bring up Cypher’s history of secret missions, defying orders, and otherwise sketchy business. 7) Omen insists that he was not aware of this history, and asks to compare his own mission history to that of the database to see what else he has been unknowingly doing. He finds three other missions of suspicious origin.

Chapter 6 (in the works):

- Chapter 6 will begin with Cypher’s return. Brimstone interrogates him about his actions and motivations and Cypher attempts to gaslight gatekeep girlboss his way out of guilt, but it backfires and only makes him look worse.

- He does not tell the entire truth about himself, but he specifies that Omen is innocent. Omen is thus cleared of all charges of treason.

- Omen, having discovered that Cypher has lied to him about their joint missions, is furious. He has conflicting loyalties— one to the Protocol, his home, his entire livelihood; and to Cypher, his mission partner, his protector and protected, and his good friend. To have one betray the other is world-shattering.

- Cypher is placed under arrest at HQ. His duties are distributed among the other Agents including Sova, Fade, and Killjoy.

- Omen overhears a conversation where Cypher is begging Fade to let him go with her to Las Vegas, stating that she knows what happens to him there and he can’t let the same happen to her. Fade brushes him off and says her Radiant abilities will ensure her safety.

- Omen visits Cypher in jail to confront him. An argument ensues.

- At the end of the argument, Cypher tells Omen to bring the Box to Viper. He thinks she can help.

Chapter 7 (not drafted):

- chapter 7 deals with the fallout between Cypher and Omen.

- Cypher is in jail, but as you might imagine, he tries to break out. He manages to escape Headquarters without setting off any alarms, because well, he built them himself and can take them apart just as easily.

- By happenstance, Omen sees him escape through the portal at headquarters but is unable to stop him. He follows Cypher through the portal.

- Cypher reveals some information about his past, i.e. everything he didn’t say during his interrogation.

- When Omen realized that he can’t convince Cypher to come back to the Protocol on his own, he shoots him neatly in the head and princess-carries his body back to the Medbay.

Chapter 8

- cypher realizes he is stuck in HQ jail again. Screaming crying throwing up (RIP babygirl but he did it to himself)

- Omen takes the box to viper. He tells her outright not to lie, he’s already had enough of Cypher’s bullshit.

- Sabine tells him what she knows.

More notes:

I am doing my best to publish chapters that are well-planned and well-refined. Unfortunately, having ADHD + fretting over details 24/7 means I am not a very speedy writer, and I apologize for the long waits between chapters.

The document I have in my computer is much more extensive and includes dialogue and additional scenes, but I’d classify those as major spoilers and didn’t include them here. I also have plot points planned out for the rest of the fic, but those are major spoilers in addition to being undecided/malleable so I didn’t want to set them in stone here.

[uselessnbee]

everyone understands that Will had a hard time helping El and standing up for her because he himself has trauma from being bullied his whole life and doesn't know how to fight them back, his reaction to bullying is to freeze. but suddenly no one understands it when it comes to Mike and he's just called an asshole for not being able to stand up and fight El's bullies

i'm not saying he is innocent and did nothing wrong. he could have done more and just handle the situation better but he was just too focused on Will and was in his head and being the otherthinking oblivious dumbass that he is

but just imagine your girlfriend tells you she is having a good time and has friends, she does not mention anything bad and then suddenly she's getting bullied in front of you. when you've been bullied your whole life your first reaction is to freeze, to panic and just wait and hope it passes quickly and they'll leave you alone. Mike did not have any knowledge about her bullying or having any kind of problems, as long as he was aware those people were her friends. he himself has trauma from being bullied (he literally mentions it later on why yall keep forgetting??) and being suddenly thrown into a situation involving bullying can be really distressing.

when you have experience with being bullied even just seeing someone else getting bullied can make you freeze up and panic. and we know that Mike does not stand up for himself when he's the victim. even when you're not on the receiving end of the bullying but you just see it happening and suddenly you're a scared little kid again holding back tears desperately hoping for them to leave you alone.

and i know everyone wants to yell at me "you forgot about Mike standing up to Troy when they were saying shit about Will! so he can obviously stand up for his friends so why can't he for El??" and no i did not forget and yes you may be right but the situations are different. Mike was very well aware of Troy's bullying. he was involved in it. he was the victim there. he's had to deal with his bullying for years it was not a shocking revelation. however he did not know about El's situation at all and your reaction can be very different when you know about something and when you have no knowledge and it suddenly happens

again i'm not saying that he did nothing wrong. i'm just saying that we need to consider his trauma and his point of view and it could make him think less rationally and therefore not being able to help properly. maybe if he knew beforehand that something could go wrong he could be prepared and he would handle the situation better (even if it would be just them seeing Angela and her friends come and they would turn to Mike and say quickly that those people are mean to El he would still have at least some time and could prepare himself). but he did not know that and he was not prepared for this situation to suddenly escalate like this. he was unprepared and probably panicking and didn't know what to do so no he wasn't much of a help.

and maybe we should stop acting like this traumatised 14 years old kid needs to solve every problem and act rationally in every situation and not to make any mistakes (especially when he has no knowledge to prepare him for something distressing) and overall just putting everything on his shoulders and then insult and hate him when it does not end up perfectly well

and maybe i'm just being my overprotective extremely defensive self who's looking too much into this who knows

and i can't even properly put into words what i'm trying to say but if it makes sense to someone then great!

[luck-and-larceny]

Off the Hook

7 years ago…

"You can't be serious. I'm not going to do that."

The twenty year old Miqo'te hiding in the cramped closet of her mark's bedroom put her fingers to her linkpearl and gave the voice on the other end an incredulous frown they could not see.

"The deal was I steal for you, not that I maim anyone. First of all, that's fucked up. Second of all, not my skillset. Send someone else, Red Moon."

Meanwhile, her as of yet untortured mark continued playing the violin. That was, of course, what she was known for. Malika's understanding had been that she'd steal the priceless, one of a kind instrument as a form of professional sabotage for Red Moon's shitty client. At no point had there been discussion about breaking her fingers.

"The client has updated their expectations," the deep, no nonsense voice of Malika's crime lord boss stated. "As well as the pay."

"I don't care about the pay–" Malika began to protest.

"I do." There was a warning in his voice that the young Keeper knew not to challenge. She was silent for a moment and for that moment the only thing that could be heard was the beautiful, haunting sound of the violin. 

Malika knew not to challenge the man. She'd suffered the consequences for that in the past and was not keen to be on the receiving end of his anger ever again. A wise person might have kept quiet and let it go.

Wisdom was not her strong suit.

"I don't do this kind of work," she whispered, her distress evident in the way she clearly and urgently enunciated each word. "I will be caught. You're wasting a perfectly good thief!"

"My perfectly good thief," he answered quietly and with a gentleness she knew to be artificial, "the waste will be if you continue to defy me. Do as you're told."

She bristled.

4 years prior she'd run away from The Nameless Caravan and swore she'd never be beholden to anyone ever again.

Now, here she was trapped in service to a greedy, violent, dangerous crime lord who got off on telling her to do what she was told. It was as though she'd never even left the Caravan in the first place– apart from the fact that Red Moon was generous enough to pay her for the abuse.

This is temporary, she told herself as she took a deep breath in preparation. The plan is already in place. You're getting out of this. You're going to be fine. And you'll never ever ever do a job you don't want to do ever again. Just… just do this thing…

Red Moon would stay on the line. He'd want to hear it happen rather than wait for her to call back. That was just the sort of sick fuck he was. So there'd be no chance to talk to this woman. No explaining anything. Just sudden violence and the cracking of bones.

Not my thing. Malika could feel the panic attack starting to form in her chest as she grappled with the weight of going against her 16 year old self's promise not to do anything she didn't want to ever again. There was no time for that.

"Fine," she said on the line.

Nymeia, I'm sorry. If you have one more miracle left for me, I could really use it…

Three…

Malika pressed her shoulder against the closet door.

Two…

She turned the handle and readied herself to slam the door open and rush her victim.

O–

The music stopped. Malika stopped, too.

"What's happening?" Red Moon demanded.

Malika didn't answer. She didn't know. And with the music stopped it was too risky to speak.

"Sera, I can't do this. I don't want to do this. Something feels off. Something feels wrong. No. No, not with the piece. With this– this whole thing. Everything. Give the solo to Tali. It'd mean the world to her. And I just don't want to do this anymore. I'm quitting. I'm done."

"What the–?" It was extremely unusual for Red Moon to express surprise. "Lia, did you do this? Explain yourself."

"I didn't do shit," she hissed back.

The linkpearl conversation became too faint to hear. She'd moved to another room. Malika cracked open the closet door to see the violin resting on the bed. Seconds later the front door opened and closed. A quick glance out the window showed the owner of the violin leaving the house.

"Shit. She just left, boss. Without her violin."

Silence. The kind of silence that indicated that Red Moon was not pleased, but that he couldn't think of a reason to take it out on her.

"Grab it," he finally said with a sigh. "Bring me the violin. You're off the hook for the rest."

He could probably feel the radiance of Malika's relieved grin from over the linkpearl.

"This time," he warned. "Don't expect to be so lucky in the future."

Unfortunately for him, she did expect to be that lucky in the future. If there had been any doubt that the goddess of luck was on her side prior to this moment, there wasn't any longer. 

Three weeks later a series of extremely fortunate events would free her from her contract with Red Moon without repercussion. Moving forward, she'd keep her promise to herself and never again work for anyone she didn't choose to work for and she'd never take jobs she didn't choose to take.

[infinitethree]

When the next lesson with Daz and Lee comes, Lucid pretty quickly clocks a weird vibe in the air.

But, well, it’s Daz and Lee. What could they possibly get up to that could be considered malicious?

Eventually, Lee turns to Daz and tells him, like a warning, “You’re stalling. Get it over with, Daz.”

And Daz…

Changes.

There’s no other way to describe it. Like a lightswitch, he flips from the guy that Lucid has known for years– whose soul he repaired from the bastardized loyalty enchantment shoved into it, who has become a pillar of the server, who has been so painfully kind and generous and good to–

To someone else.

“I knew I was an admin all along. I don’t trust you, because you remind me of Dream. The man who I considered a brother, my mentor, who ruined me. The loyalty enchantment you fixed…? I wrote most of it.”

None of that even begins to start to register before San’s extreme confusion bowls him over.

That makes two of them! Daz shouldn’t be able to lie to San, that’s not–

A chill goes down his spine as Daz gives him a humorless smile. It looks wrong on his face.

“Lying and acting are easy. It’s not hard to just–”

Oh, fuck, it is so disturbing to watch Daz’s expression and body language flip to something entirely different. It’s like he’s putting on a pair of clothes.

…Like he’s switching masks.

It’s exactly how Lucid saw him when he first arrived. Timid, head bowed, shoulders hunched, expression anxious and fearful. “I– it’s, uhm–! Being able to, to just– it’s not…it’s not impressive. I don’t– I’m not bragging. It’s not th– that big of, uhm, of a deal. I, I just…I’m sure anyone else could do it. If they wanted to.”

The mask gets swapped to the one Lucid knows better. Bright, bubbly, cheerful, expression warm and voice perky. “So, sure, I can like– lie good enough that the perpetual surveillance system never caught on but like…it’s not hard? You just gotta stare at yourself in the mirror for like, ever, and have a perfect mastery of your face and voice and body! Totally not that impressive.”

As if to drive the point home, the absolute worst is the way Daz erases everything.

No emotion to his voice, his face, his body language. He looks like a mannequin and it’s disturbing enough that Lucid will definitely have nightmares about that.

“I still do not trust you will not snap one day. Your existence as an admin Dream grates against me like blackstone does to your soul. The same eyes; the same voice; the same face; the same stupid fixation on fairness at the cost of all else. I resent your existence.”

Lee, wings poofed out in distress, snaps at him, “What the fuck?! Why did you have to break it like that?!”

Daz blinks, and emotions return. He tells Lee, a literal child, “I’m being blackmailed into revealing anything. Be grateful I didn’t make it worse.”

Granted, it’s kind of hard to focus on anything around San’s freakout, but Lucid croaks, “Who–?”

“DayDream,” Daz seethes, and, oh, okay!

This is a person who can effortlessly lie and is very much not an outlier vis-a-vis the Tommy capacity for spite.

Cool. Awesome. Lucid is going to have words with Day about how little he wants to bear the brunt of Daz’s resentment about being forced to out himself.

He swallows. “I…am going to guess you, uh– are so good with code because you already know all of this.”

“I can out-code you in a lot of ways,” Daz scoffs.

When Lucid squints at him, Lee shrugs helplessly. “He’s been teaching me for a few weeks in secret. He explains it better.”

Daz’s hands move, and suddenly Lucid’s console is forcibly redirected to a page of code.

…Oh, he does not like what he’s seeing.

Teeth bared in a mockery of a smile, Daz tells him, “That’s what I used to make sure the idiots of my original server were ignorant that I killed Dream. He made dinner in a pathetic, worthless attempt at an olive branch. I ate it, composed that code, and jammed the knife in his throat. Then I mocked him while I watched him bleed out on our blackstone tile floor.”

That sure does explain how Daz realized the effects of long-term blackstone and obsidian exposure to a fully ascended admin.

Staring him down as if daring him to say something, Daz continues, “As he respawned, I threw both halves of our claims in the fire. Our server was silent, so he could just…go back and watch.”

It should horrify him, but all Lucid can say and think is, “Good. Regardless of what he was like before he hit that point…? That code was– there was no way he wasn’t aware it was killing you.”

A bitter scoff escapes Daz. “Not like I could stop from screaming with every order. But I was counting on it killing me. The T3 gave me a better option for revenge, though– because walking away would mean he stayed there, waiting, for the rest of his life.”

Lucid shudders. He does not want to piss this guy off now or ever.

If he hadn’t seen the enchantment, he’d feel some pity for Dream.

Instead, he’s just glad Daz was able to exercise some sort of power in that situation.

Lee suddenly pipes up. “He’s the one who told me about Piglins. And, uh, is teaching me about Endfolk.”

He squints. “Endfolk? So they’re smart, too?” “Sapient is the word you’re looking for,” Daz sniffs. Lucid can hear the unspoken idiot, and it’s surreal as fuck to hear from Daz.

“Sapient, then. So, uh– are we…going to introduce them to the server, too, or–”

“Absolutely the fuck not,” Daz snaps. “Endfolk customs and culture revolve around using words to fuck over other hauntings. You play by their rules or they attack you. On a server like this, that’ll lead to full-blown wars. Wars that will leave hundreds of living, sentient beings very much dead forever.”

Ah.

Daz rants, “You’d be lucky to be allowed to shadow a meeting with them– Lee isn’t allowed to do it until he can pass a test to my satisfaction. He’s too easy to traumatize with that shit.”

…Lucid gets the impression that Daz wouldn’t mind him getting traumatized, though.

“I– will trust your judgment on that, I guess?” “You guess,” Daz sneers.

He makes a face and says, “So sue me for not keeping up with– with all of this! It’s kind of a lot to drop on me all at once, you know!”

Daz gives him a withering look. “Blame DayDream, then.” “Oh, I very much do.”

Lee points out, “But Dad was right, you know. Lucid– it’s not fair to keep you in the dark. Not when you’ll both be working together…”

Another scoff comes from Daz. “I only agreed to do any of this because I wasn’t going to let you be trained alone.”

The implications of what he was afraid of speak volumes about how deeply traumatic his past actually was. Not the parts he’s lied about– the actual past.

It makes him wonder…”You haven’t been doing therapy right, have you?”

There’s a roll of his eyes. “I’m being forcibly switched to Iatros, so stay out of it. I don’t need you on my case about that, too.”

…Wonderful, they’re going to share a therapist. That’s…at least ‘Tros is familiar with admin shit?

…Probably why he’s being switched, actually.

After taking a long, deep breath, and with a moment to gather his thoughts, he finally asks the big question;

“So, what now?”

Daz narrows his eyes like he doesn’t understand. Lucid clarifies, “If you don’t like or trust me, it’s not fair to make you study under me–” “I’m not leaving you alone with Lee.”

Hmm, okay then.

He tries another angle, “Alright. Then…maybe you can teach me?”

When Daz doesn’t immediately tell him to fuck off, he continues, “If you’re so much better than me, I could probably learn a lot from you. And if we’re not talking through you trying to pretend to be someone you’re not–”

“An act that fooled you, I’ll point out.” “Yeah, obviously. But it also meant that you had to channel things you clearly knew already through Lee or, uh, acting like you’re just now figuring them out. Now, you can just– I dunno, use this to rub in how superior you actually are? I don’t really, uh, know what the real you is like.”

Daz drums his fingers on his arm. The silence stretches until he sighs and mutters, “...I guess I can show you a few things.”

And…so sue him, Lucid is actually kind of excited to learn what Daz’s actual skills are in regards to this.

He must have been holding back, but was already very impressive.

As weird as this whole situation is, as disturbing as it is to know that Daz was actually far more competent than he ever let on…

Well. He can’t really say there’s no upsides to him showing his hand. Willingly or not, Daz opening up means that they can actually help him…and that Daz can help them, too.