#everyone thats important will get something
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dude, i know this is crazy, but i promise i only found you here by accident. this is funny. anyways, half of what you said i didnt say or you misunderstood, but you blocked me before i could clarify. tt format is very unhelpful when you need to flush things out, so i probably didnt properly articulate my point over there. i told you i wanted to help you understand (or for you to help me understand your point), but you were having none of it. when we were talking, i kept citing my sources for my beliefs through quotes but you refused to cite yours and just retorted that i was wrong. i cant exactly look back at my comments, but if i started out rude or judgmental, i apologize. that was immature of me. ive seen a lot of misinterpretation of obito, so i tend to assume the worst.
i didnt say that obito didnt love rin (and if i did, it means i phrased myself very poorly, but i remember clarifying this in a later comment), i said that the romantic aspect of their relationship was completely unrelated to the conflict obito faced with kakashi (post-accident) and the world because your video and caption phrased it in a way that made it seem like you thought the conflict was breeded from it. obito and rin being besties is the important part that a lot of people ignore in favor of painting obito as a simp and diminishing the depth of their bond. the crush and any contempt derived from it towards kakashi was only relevant pre-accident, which i said because you stated in your caption something about obito needing to accept rin chose kakashi when referring to her death.
i am willing to hear you out on obito blaming kakashi *if you cite your sources!!* please give me a quote or something because thats what i use to form my opinions. the reason i dont think obito blames kakashi is because right after rins death, he says he didnt kill kakashi because he didnt care about what happens to him since heāll see the real him in the IT. he didnt know rin killed herself, but he also didnt seem to have a particularly strong (or existing) hatred towards kakashi. if you give me a quote that shows he did hate him, i wont be stubborn.
i also dont know where you got me saying kakashi and obito werent friends? i said they werent best friends; rin and obito were. they had a rivalry and cared about each other, but their relationship was a little rocky, and obito states that they were just starting to get along right before his consciousness faded after getting crushed by the rock.
obito trying to kill kakashi doesnt mean he hates him (sounds crazy, i know, but its not impossible). obito dissociates and sees this kakashi as a āfakeā. he tries to kill and mocks kakashi because of practicality. killing is what you do to those who oppose you (when youre a villain lol) since theyāre problematic. mocking him throws him off his game, which makes it easier to kill him. the real kakashi is gonna be in the IT, and heāll see him there. this kakashi is also a connection to his past self, which may contribute to his desire to eliminate him.
its the same reason he kills so many people despite wanting everyone to live in a world free of pain and suffering. to him, these people are imposters, and the real them (and him) will exist within the infinite tsukuyomi. this kakashi is scum, he himself is scum, everyone who isnt scum will become scum. he didnt experience a change of philosophy when he offered kakashi peace in the IT because he didnt call kakashi scum out of hatred. he knows that the world forced kakashi to become scum, so he doesnt blame him for rins death, and thats why he feels this world is a hell. it forces everyone to either become scum or dead.
as you can see, a whole essay was needed for me to explain my thoughts, which might explain any poor delivery on the app that heavily limits the amount of characters you can use in a comment. i still think its hilarious that this came up on my home page. its possible youll block me here too, but at least my thoughts have been released in full.
sooo chat apparently obito never loved rin, obito & rin weāre only best friends, apparently obito never blamed kakashi at first (before he got over it and told him he STOPPED blaming him), apparently obito & kakashi never were friends at one point or got along until the tree incident. š¤·š½āāļø
as if obito didnāt hate and blame kakashi for the entire incident at first and tried to kill bro buuuut okay! :))))) those are the kind of comments Iāve been getting on TikTok for talking about the kakashi obito rin situation xDD but no none of that stuff happened (being sarcastic).
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controversial or whatever but people get so annoying when they decide to share their whiny opinions about wheelers taking focus in s5
#i dont say anything bc theyre opinions#but like#we DONT EVEN KNOW tHE PLOT THOUGH ??? šš#'but why does x matter?!?!' well... thats why we watch it to find out ā¤ļø#we're making assumptions based off literal photos and titles we aren't 100% are real#but its safe to assume that#the wheelers are part of a big twist when it comes to the supernatural part obviously#holly being the wheeler that sees things when her parents dont catch it#also that vision nancy had??#ever thought there was a reason for that?#its not out of nowhere lmao#and i get why people complain#they want an exact copy of s1 dynamics/groups#but the fact is they cant#its impossible with the amount of characters they have now#just let the story unravel itself#its gonna have like an 11-13 hour runtime#stop making assumptions bc most pictures tell us so little#you wont die just because wheelers are finally getting focus#everyone thats important will get something#might delete but
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i LOVE how you draw twink krakoa charles he's so...... twink...... your art is amazing
thank you so much !!!! i have a simple vision in mind whenever i draw krakoa charles next to erik, really:
it's significant he looks like a push pin next to erik it's infinitely better this way..
#xmen#xmen comics#krakoa#cherik#professor x#magneto#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#erik magnus lehnsherr#max eisenhardt#snap sketches#and by 'better' i mean funnier. if i cant look at charles and look at erik and go 'good christ thats a lad' i drew something wrong#the size difference is def a part of why drawing krakoa's fun i refuse to lie#like i do like drawing charles a bit. 'stockier' when it comes to tas- NOT A LOT just a lil- and other comic eras but this is Also good#its the drastic difference in shapes and silhouette ig#anyway ! tomorrows halloween thats diabolical because im gonna be busy all day but itll be fun :) <- ignore the back-to-back exams#PLUS I GET TO PLAY SHADOW GEN THAT NIGHT. i like shadow hi thats a very important fact about me#i ordered the special preorder box and it only got to my place tuesday and i only got time to go over there on weekends#gonna be the best hallloween ever ..... also i guess im getting sushi with my brother or whatever but anyways#later everyone ! please enjoy throwable charles while im gone
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clarazz are so strong if i was (vaguely in love with and) slightly possessive of my best friend and the whole world was obsessed with him (like i was) id crash out š
#m!ik#ameri chima vine shiida mephisto? whos next henri?#not to mention eiko purson and lied š (who really i mention specifically bc they apparently kin him which is soo funny. also they make up#boku trio together! though if we were making a list list im not sure id add em a tier above any other misfitā¦)#not all romantic obsession to be perfectly clear^^ but they all wanna stand by irumas side the same š³#ameri and chima who want to stand by iruma romantically and academically/socially/powerwiseā¦#vine and eiko too but theyre like. gag characters ik weāre a comedy series but everything surronding these two is a bit so im#putting them in the same adjecent group of side characters who are crushing#shiida who wants to be his family#mephisto who wants to be his righthand man/royal advisor/wants to make him king#(again misfits in general but lied and purson i single out bc. boku trio / young king duo / music duo u get it#id group bachiko opera balam and maybe even kalego with these other guys butā¦ mmm#mmm bachiko certainly loves her student and opera/balam/kalego are all protective over iruma in their own ways id argue that when u compare#operas his family. bachiko is his master#kalego and balam are his teachers and his familiar/the first person he told his secret to#theyre all (seemingly) satisfied with their closeness with iruma/comfortable with their relationship as it is. theyre secure#the list above are all sorta Longing for something more#they want to be important to iruma#theyre not satisfied! they want more! and the story specifically centers around this idea for an arc or two or many#which btw i love i think iruma deserves having so many people who want to be close to him and who admire him#omg i forgot kirio HELLOā¦. hesā¦a little differently obsessed.#lets group him by himself but near the ameri/chima and eiko/vine section if u know what i mean#(note: its been a while since ive read chapters with shiida in em but from memory i do think she sees iruma as a little brother-#which is such a specific bond to long for; i think she wants to be someone he trusts first#followed by someone who can protect him followed by someone who he can learn from)#demons are selfish; i think its really sweet that theyre all pretty respectful of how iruma chooses to spend his time esp for being demons#cuz guess what! irumas selfish too. a true demon. he wants more and more and thats kinda what its all about#tldr everyone wants to stand next to iruma; clarazz (who stand next to him as his soulmates) have feelings about it lol#mairimashita! iruma kun#welcome to demon school iruma kun
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something that is like the baseline of amys entire character to me is that shes lonely. shes clingy and physically affectionate in a way none of her friends really are, shes always getting pushed aside and left behind. yeah, she helps out people she doesnt know because shes a nice person, but also, she sees part of herself in them. she wont leave someone else behind because she knows the feeling āand more importantly, hates the feeling. if she doesnt have somebody to stand by her and be there for her, then shes going to be that person for everybody else. something something her obsession with sonic is really just like a manifestation of that desire for closeness with someone, and she thinks that romance is the only way to get that. idk... this hedgehog can have so many abandonment issues.
#me posts#amy rose#sth#sonic the hedgehog#and this is not to say at all that romance is the only way to have 'real' love or anything#just that yknow part of her breaking free of that would also be realizing that she just wants closeness with someone and it doesnt-#-have to be romantic#aroace amy could fit this i suppose and she just doesnt know it yknow. thats not my hc but i support their beliefs if that makes sense#she wants to be loved and she wants to love and she doesnt really get a big outlet for that so she shares it with everyone she sees#also i didnt wanna jam up the post but GAMMA!! this is partially abt gamma she helps him find out how to love and how to find joy in it-#-bc its what she wants for herself. she sees him and sees how completely alone he is and she wants to help him. idk idk something something#-when she was locked in the cell she saw part of herself staring back at her#gamma parallels to amy is SLEPT ON i stg i could make a whole other post about it#idk.. whenever im writing amy or just thinking abt how shed interact with others its always from the lens that she craves closeness with-#-others. she wants people to just stay for once.#does this make any sense. idk man im rambling here#my worst nightmare is characterizing her wrong its such a fine line and sometimes the words do not come out of my brain right#btw this is NOT me dissing amy i love amy. she is like top three favorite character.#important context: im typing this with amy firefox theme rn ok. ok im an amy fan.#she points at the minimize button like shes telling me to log off#jesus christ i just scrolled back up i love to put a whole other post in the notes dont i
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i have no stake in this whatsoever since iāve never even watched good omens and absolutely 100% unequivocally think itās a good thing that an abuser is seeing the consequences of his actions but i donāt really see the point in shortening the 3rd season? rewriting it so he doesnāt get money from it? yes absolutely, but if thatās the reason, why not delay the season and do a full six episode rewrite? or just cancel it altogether instead of an inevitable disappointing finale. heāll still be receiving royalties from the first two seasons and whatever ideas they use for the episode plus whatever heās already contracted to receive so making a short season feels like itāll impact the cast and crew more than him; they wonāt be paid for a full season of work that they were expecting to have in an increasingly unstable industry
#i dont know how streaming royalties work for all i know hes contracted to get money per episode or something#when compared to a full seasons worth of story an hour and a half isnt enough time to satisfyingly wrap it up#so saying its for the fans is a bit of an eh thing#especially when they will probably either go off the book or his notes so he will still be paid for his ideas#i dunno#obviously a tv show is the very last priority when it comes to something like this#and i havent heard anything about how netflix is handling it considering sandman (thats him right? i think it is)#but people are entitled to be upset about this dont be mean#people have invested their emotions into these characters and this world theyre allowed to be upset#just acknowledge its not the most important thing and move on#but yeah out of everyone it feels like this decision impacts him the least#unless im completely missing something#but i dont think i am#it feels like this is more amazon covering their ass then a genuine desire to not give money to an abuser#which considering amazon is a multi billion dollar company is exactly what theyre doing#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#good omens#neil gaiman#aziraphale#crowley#ineffable husbands#good omens s3#good omens season 3
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Hey Baba, it seems like you've been seeing a lot of yucky stuff online right now. A lot of people who aren't remembering their manners and are forgetting that there's people behind a screen. I know you like your screen time but please remember that the world isn't all like that okay? Some people are different online and forget their values and let's remember that these days, algorithms perpously show you things that'll make you upset. Yes, yes it's not very fair, is it sweetheart. Please remember to take some breaks and that the world isn't really like that. It's so important to protect yourself. Yes, silly even if you think you don't deserve it; because you do.
#todd talks#š«#agere#agere text#age regression#caregiver blog#caregiver text#agere reminders#inspired by my instagram filling up with really scary & unhelpful advice and people who are just coming out to bully people#please remember everyone that the hot market these days isnt real estate or stocks it is peoples attention spans and companies want to show#you the cherry-picked very best and the tailor made worst just for you#for years i only had tumblr reddit and youtube because i dont want a big digital footprint and i dont think much good comes from it#but i got instagram a few months ago so i can stay in touch with people and oh my gosh its vile#even when youre so particular about what you like/watch#but!!#as long as youre being aware you are already doing great. if you catch your self going hang on. this is a rubbish post. thats you recognisi#whats going on. which makes it a lot harder for it to get to you#sorry if this is a bit much but its something thats really important to me.. i just think social media is so evil these days.#be your online body guard!!! protect your feed!! keep your head up!!!#and if you feel you cant??? i can take care of it for you raaaa!
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Beast Wars Rampage
#poll#maccadam#transformers#smash or pass#request#beast wars#rampage#hannibal lector crab#i wish bw s3 wasnt so rushed so he couldve been a more compelling character#honestly i feel like they tried to make cannibalism his whole schtick besides having his spark in megatron's possession#and that couldve been really cool but the trouble is these are the predacons amd everyone's already doing cannibalism for funsies#like. tarantulas tries to do vore three episodes in. dinobot ears his own clone. hell even rhinox threatens to deep fry terrorsaur.#the hell makes rampage so special? oooo show me your fear#babygirl cmon get a hobby or something#at least he had depth charge but still#they were so rushed and its genuinely pretty sad because i think if depth charge knew about the transmutate incident#it might break his perception of rampage and lean into him questioning whether or not hes truly a mindless killing machine#it would also help if transmutate was important for more than one episode and also maybe had a degree if agency#but thats a different rant
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It's been stormy all day and we lost power and I have no energy take OCs I've been thinking about recently after ignoring them for a long time.
Tremaine (left) and his wonderful and amazing and superb big brother Germaine (right) while Tremaine talks about his brother's best friend because best friends like each other which is a good topic to talk about with the person you admire most! (Germaine then goes to find Motka and accuse him of trying to win over his sweet little brother's heart and how that's really mean to do how dare you betray him like this. Motka just sighs bc it's only the millionth time it's happened)
They're just part of a group based on the layers of hell and hoo boy they are just ... the most codependent siblings to ever sibling probably. It's pretty bad.
#my characters#would you believe me if i told you the entire cast had first and last names cause they do#this is germaine and tremaine wellington and then the bestie is motka vortenska#and germaine suffers the infliction of Cannot Lie Disease ..... so he just. if he says something#everyone knows he genuinely thinks it to be true#so motka getting accused a million times of trying to win tremaine over is like yup i get it you have issues#but then motka is like please know that while i do adore your brother AND yourself im not trying to win anyone over#and and germaine just mentally classifies both tremaine and motka as his so that means he puts them above himself#in terms of importance and unfortunately tremaine is the number one most important thing therefore even motka is a threat#motka is just kinda used to the accusations#tremaine only wants to be a good younger brother and will sacrifice so much pride to cater to his brother#while germaine only wants to be the most important person to tremaine because thats his younger brother and hes entitled#its not really super important to the plot but germaine is the wealthiest of the group and funds most of their efforts on survival#and no one knows how except for tremaine and its just germaine gambled twice and got a small fortune#considering they live in a post apocalyptic type world where gotta fight for resources and survival and he got his funds before meeting#the rest of the group#even motka is unsure how he got the money and he knew germaine before the wealth#germaine just figures no need to brag about gambling and never brings it up and motka never presses it
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how do i turn qantoineās spontaneous marriage proposal to qetoiles into evidence of his early-days fear of qfrench drifing away and keeping secrets from one another
#the conversation takes place in antoineās vod: LāANNIVERSAIRE DE TALLULAH at 41 mins ish#like . okay . its such a fucking crazy moment to me that still lives in my head bc itās a a joke . but itās also not#he asks etoiles directly after spiderbit wedding . ādonāt you want to get married?ā#after it gets mentioned*#etoiles turns him down bc he ādoesnāt have time to fuck [he] needs to kill everyoneā#and antoine says āwell butā just a marriageā like itās the act itself that is the most important to him not anything that could come with it#the confirmation of partnership . of having someone to rely on . something that feels to him maybe more certain and solid than the#friendships antoine had at that point . like if he felt things were slipping and he was being left behind he wanted the certainty of#something like a marriage that is traditionally considered More important and certain .#and i think the end of their conversation is notable in how antoine brings up the notion of betrayal ā he getting betrayed by others and how#heās fed up with it . after etoiles says no to the marriage (though specifying that heās gonna think about it) antoine brings the whole#betrayal thing up after a pause . he doesnāt necessarily consider etoiles as having betrayed him but itās that lack of certainty#certainty that etoiles has refused to give him that makes him start to open up about how heās tired of people promising him things (or#seeming to promise him things) only to leave him out and in the dark . and thereās an insecurity there that really shines if you take this#moment into consideration with the Larger Shifting his character is going through .#like tldr ; qantoine has begun to realise that his friends are starting to form deeper bonds with other people and thus keep secrets with#them which to him means leaving him behind . taking notice of this he brings this up to his friends in . not exactly direct ways . he#talks about how he doesnāt like secret keeping but doesnāt seem to push much further and he also tries to remedy the issue#of feeling left behind by doing shit as discussed above ^ however on account of the InHuman iām not sure he understands what heās doing very#well . and as we know antoine doesnāt make much progress and ends up retreating into himself and beginning to keep his own secrets . to do#his own shady shit . to work in the shadows and not be honest with any of his friends either . to hold them at armās length despite how much#he still cares . the only person he puts his full trust into anymore is pomme . not ayp who he deems too underhanded . not bagz who he sees#as having started the whole āsecret keepingā stuff in the first place . and not etoiles whoās actively going down a path with the codes and#resistance that he cannot follow#that was NOT a short tldr . why the fuck am i writing dissertation length tags about MINECRAFT BLOCKS#god whatever who cares i get joy out of this thats what matters#anw if you read this far holy shit ur insane . thank you#i am going to bed now godbless !#jay rambles#qfrench.posting
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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Sualne: ofc they know each other, otherwise it'd be too sad
Also Sualne: Makes Ace suffer alone
Btwww it's not a hate comment or anything I just found it very funny, the duality of Sualne āØļøāØļøāØļø
ace IS a very sad character! :'D he says something in his light novel (that i havent read but really need to (law's too)) about how he probably would've killed himself if it hadn't been for sabo and luffy, im forcing him to survive till he can meet luffy in the au, but i have to keep that passive suicidality of his in there! ace even in canon was not doing fine at all!!
the duality of sualne, lol, i havent even started the angst yet.
here a lil ace ive drawn for concepts art and planning reasons:
#crocau ask#suicide mention#my art#described in alt text#if i think about him for too long i go 'aughhauuuagh' yknow#since this au exist because i was rereading his death i need him in there. to be important and all.#this au is kind of a 'everyone was harmed in the process of making this' but for the characters in it.#ive actually started sketching out some of the more angstier/violent part of the story and im thinking. i hope nobody feels tricked#by the cute stuff and gets mad. also wondering about what kind of warning i'll need to use#angst/tragedy is better enjoyed if there's something to love. to lose before it all go south. if its misery then more misery and no breaks#thats just too sad!!! unrelated but ive been thinking its funny ace looks more like croc than luffy does.
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How you go from harry styles to hockey I will never understand.
I was going to make a little joke, as I do, (would have been v hilarious, best joke ever pls know this) and leave it at that. But like, it's been raining for over 24 hours, it's 2am and it might be good for me to reflect a little.. So sorry anon I am going emote all over your ask (which (the ask) sounds a bit judgey tbh but the written word is NOT a great conveyor of tone so that might be on me.)
On one hand it's just fandom. And, I think it's been pretty clear that as much as I love Henry Stars, I'm not like, a 'Harry is the be all and end all of all music creation and creativity and actions.' I like him for the good and the bad, and I don't leave critical thinking at the door. (Not saying I'm the only person to do this, just that it's hard sometimes in fan spaces and Stans definitely do..)
Which, can make it hard to participate in fandom as a lot of people are not great at irony, or accepting that someone else can say, god damn that is a terrible song - and that it's okay for that to happen. It doesn't mean that the person who expressed the neg opinion is not still a fan of the artist they were speaking about. Same with if the artist you are a fan of does something that gives you the ick.
I def learnt this when Harry went to Google Camp the first time. Like obviously I've been around 1d fandom in some way since 2012 ish I think it was - and it was my own reaction to Harry going to Camp Douchebags the first time that made me go, oh jeez Silv, you are a bit too involved in the parasocial relationship here. Like I was genuinely upset that he'd done something I thought was so dumb and wanky.
Anyway, clearly I still loved - love - him and I celebrated him and spent a fuckload of money on him and engaged in fandom and etc etc. But I just did at that point I think turn a little from heading in a very blinkers on version of fandom to one that's def more me - where you just get to have fun, make fun be creative, make friends! and have a bit of a perv depending on the silk cream vanilla ice cream outfit Harry might be wearing in Nashville.
I like RPF. I mean I like all transformative works and fandom extending and enhancing source material via creation, but I don't have an issue with RPF. I believe in 4th wall. And I clearly have written 1d fic. A lot of my good fandom mates, and real life best friend(s) are people I have met through sharing a love of writing in fandom spaces. Obviously all the best writers in 1d went to Hockey. And I stayed here. And I tried. I wanted to be where my friends where. I had fomo and I was lonely! My fandom had changed in a few ways all around the same time.
But Hockey is very confusing, (for starters as I often say to Angela or Joanna, snow is fake) and nothing clicked for me - it seemed large and I had no idea where to even start and I didn't really try.
But I think the change in some fandom fellow participants, and also anons being mean when they would get even a glimpse in their peripheral that I might have vaguely indicated that Henry did something that I thought was dumb or embarrassing, or just not that good, (it's no fun sharing a thought and feeling chatty about it, and wanting to engage with other people's thoughts if some random is going to anonymously tell you that you are a dumb c*nt and should delete etc etc so I stopped sharing any thoughts at all.) Of course Nick leaving breakfast and then R1 altogether - as well as obviously my whole life narrowing to a point that was just tend Mama- work - tend mama - work - tend mama - sleep - grow a tumour - tend mama left me not so much time for proper joyful engagement.
And then, in Jan/Feb this year, I think as I'd been looking at book reviews and as soon as you search for a book on tik tok they push book tok romance reviews into your feed and I think then that pushed an actual hockey clip (which is a really shite 4th wall issue as is the whole Kraken thing etc) and I can't even remember what it was but I know I then swiped through and watched other videos on the account and like 1d being adorable shites repeating stock answers and sitting on top of each other I was intrigued by what seemed to be very dumb and very entertaining.
But Silv, you cry, what about the emotions! You need emotions! Ah, yes, see, because I am nothing but devoted I had followed Angela and La's hockey blogs, and something La posted grabbed my attention and I followed a link and read an article and I was like. Oh, I want to read more about these kids. So I did. And after a little while I reached out to La and was like, um, I think I get it. And I posted something about the Fantilli Bros and then Max reached out and tbh I don't think anything says it better than my wide eyed enthusiasm reply. (You are probably by now thinking, Silv why is your answer to Max so short, why didn't I just get a paragraph? This is an endless essay with no conclusion or indeed a thesis statement, (that is if you have even made it down to here) & anon I can only apologise.)
I am really enjoying learning so many new things, being welcomed into a new space of connection and joy and silliness and emotional breakdowns. It's been so lovely to meet new people who are so excited to share their niche interest with you and no one minds how many questions I have and everyone searches out Primera and Important Past Instagram Posts from the archives - and of course reconnecting with people who I have always been friends with, fandom changes didn't change that, but it's delightful chatting much more often. The other day Angela and I watched an Avs game together via Tumblr chats, which was delightful, to learn about the team and to talk about random other things, and I've spent my last month of Saturdays watching umich with lovely people who La introduced me to, and having MANY EMOTIONS. (It's like hanging out all posting about a show's fits and one liners and if he's going to sing medicine but it's many pantomime gooseberrys. The performative homoeroticisim, wild hair, jokes, punching (only now during not pre show work outs ) and very goddamn impressive skill and physicality is actually pretty similar). Meghan and I have been able to chat through our very similar horrible experiences with cancer and mums with cancer and it's been so lovely and strengthening to be able to share that experience with a person who beyond gets it, and then also I've been able to announce to her that I want to write a fic about 5 ways Nolan saw god with the UMich Bible Study Group but didn't find faith. which is obviously a completely ridiculous concept but equally worthy of discussion. It's this that I love so much about fandom friendship - you share SO much because you are sharing something that gives you intimate joy, so the relationship always starts from a place of an automatic mutual understanding and empathy - and from there we make it our own.
But also, I really like the game. Like I love watching them play, all of them! It's fast (obviously - and oblig have to say - ice is slippery) and it's hard - and they make it look easy. When one of the special players (they are all special, but one of the ones who play almost with innate ability) makes a pass or a turn sometimes it's almost almost magic, like how the fuck did they see that gap between four players, and did you see how they kept the puck a moment longer so they could release it perfectly into the lane !! Hot.
The game can be all encompassing and it's SO SO SO silly. Like it's the dumbest sport. It's The Show. I'll put on ESPN and stream a match while I'm working during the day (the time difference is perfect for once) and I'm spending time cos I want to, learning the rules and the logistics and business side of it all. And of course, the differences between college hockey and the show. Idk. It just clicked on so many levels for me.
And so, I have no idea why it took me so long to transition from Henry to Hockey, but I am not surprised I did now that I have - it def wasn't something that I was bloody expecting. And Anon I will say this, the last few years of my life have been sad, hard, and tbh shitty. Now, I know what it's like to have fucked years, so I am not saying this to try to be and show off but 2024 feels a bit better. I feel clearer, I have started to lose some weight (15ish kg so far depending on the time of the month) and now I have a meeting w a PT on Tuesday as I actually don't care what I weigh but I want to get stronger and reduce my visceral fat as it will be better for hormones which is better for lessening my cancer reoccurrence %.
God knows it's (2024) not all roses, I literally had surgery again a fortnight ago and the cost of living in Sydney is giving me so much anxiety. I am still a terribly disorganised mess, my work is undergoing a complete restructure (thanks NSW gmnt) and my clean washing is NEVER folded and put away, it's always in the basket - but I feel so happy and entertained and creative - I am writing again! like it's joy. It's ye olde you are who you are at this moment but you are also the 4 year old you and the 15, 27, 34 year old you - girlhood (non gendered concept of not literal interpretation) and I love it. šš©µš±
#sorry anon this is very much non con silv thinks about fandom and emotions and processes on main#there's a boy who has harry energy although more spoiled and sarcastic and this is delightful as i do actually think#which also i got a rude anon about once#that harry is not as nice as eveyone thinks#i think hes professional as fuck definitely#but i think hes a sarky little perfectionist and this delights me#but chemistry with everyone - thats the harry curse and blessing and the **** ****** one#sorry anon i know this was annoying#but i genuinely just really needed to get this out of me and acknowledge it all#fandom and fandom participation is something that is so important to us all#otherwise why would we have a little blog#let alone create posts of fic or gifs or edits#and god last year i said multiple times to shifty that i wished i had a fandom that i could wallow in as a happy place distraction#its very nice to feel engaged and delighted by something#i hope we can still be mates#i am a popstars and radio dj lover for life#i didn't even touch on teams i like and players and such cos not the point#tw: cancer#tw: death#tw: weight loss#sorry! i should have added those tw before!
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How do you get characterization so PERFECT?!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!? HOW PLEASE ITS SO BEAURIFUL MY EYES TURNED TO TEARS PLEASE
i'm not sure if i'd say Perfect but thank you! accurate characterization is very important to me, and one of my favorite things to do is analyze the shit out of characters until i feel like i Know Them
#this is actually why yall havent gotten an actual welcome home fic outta me yet#i feel like i have a better grasp on everyone but mmmmm im missing important pieces to fully Understand yk#ive been fascinated with picking apart characters for years and years#i remember being a freshman in highschool deconstructing bakugo until i was like 'oh ok im the only bitch who gets him. ok'#and i have only ever been proven right and vindicated Since!#but i try i try#if im making something thats actively memey i let myself be a little lax on characterization#but the rest of the time im like This Needs To Be As On Point As I Can Manage#for myself! for others! for the Source!#rambles from the bog#something that helps me stay focused and determined#is asking myself 'how would it feel to have people mischaracterize MY brain guys'#and then my soul shrivels up and i start studying whoever im writing lmao#im always scared that im falling short... i hate writing things that are ooc...
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ngl babes idk how much longer i can do this š
#personal#i know not everything is for me and thats fine#but idk im getting such fatigue with this band without it being the whole actual band#i know intimate gigs are important and special but like just continually doing these tiny runs#building up the hype and demand and the prices#knowing people keep getting their hopes up and get more desperate each time#and like saying everything is super limited and then adding more things#but never enough so that everyone gets a chance to experience something or is fully satisfied#it just feels super fucked like their management is just doing everything they can to squeeze every last penny out of people#without committing to a full tour#sorry im a bit drunk so im being quite hyperbolic but idk man im so over this whole project lol#i miss kyle and woody and will :(#like truly i look back at the old tour photos and im like those were the days š#this is now a full hate blog NOT just a joke hate blog#its not that deep lmao just im probably gonna not be so active with the blog until proper bas5 cause ampersand is pissing me off rn icl#girl imagine hating blue sky sm you start boycotting the entire album run š
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imagine if instead of having vic mignogna keldeo, we got an iris movie about her relationship with kyurem
#yknow the sinnoh movies also sorta have this issue but i think ik why the unova and kalos movies feel so weird#theyre not character movies#they dont focus on the relationships between the characters or their goals. and if they sorta do its all ash focused but loosely#volcanion did sorta come close through making ash at risk for most of the movie#but even then. idk theres not a lot there for ash as a character if that makes sense#like remember max got a movie with jirachi and may kinda got one with manaphy and lucario was focused#on ash and pikachuās relationship#heroes was also focused on ashās strengths as a character and his relationship with the latis was really important#and not all the og movies were like that#like the original wasnt really a character movie for the os trio. but we still frequently got them#and then after sinnoh. its just āālet the mythical wiggle at the screen for a bit to promote the gamesāā#and ik everyone has complained abt this but its so blatant in the keldeo movie especially bc that movie completely breaks the lore to make i#it work#for the sake of just. getting the movie done i guess idk#and its so distracting for kyurem bc the whole point of the alternate forms is that theyre fusions and kyurems trying to make itself whole#nah nope kyurem is just a scary ice monster who does that normally amd theyre just normal changes and not fusions bc thats too complicated#what do you mean we couldve done something legitimately really interesting here with one of the main characters. who cares we gotta get this#out on time#actually i do think some of it probably boils down to deadlines and the movies being an obligation really#tbf the beginning stuff with keldeo was cool. i thought so anyways#but then ash and co get there and its just forgettable#echoed voice
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