#everyone tell my cat how lovely she is
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The Jones Boys reached a new psylink level and unlocked the 'morbid' meditation type. Now they chill out in the cemetery together, which is clearly not helping them concentrate.
I always get distracted chatting about dumb shit to my brothers if we're sitting still for too long, as well, so I can't really judge them.
We are not adopting any more babies!! Ivy is the only exception because of highly unusual circumstances.
We also got a second twisted obelisk right next to the walls of our base, so we deactivated the old one which was on the opposite side of the map and we'll stick with just studying this bad boy.
Ivy is a toddler!!! Happy birthday!! Despite what the boys say, they do really like having you around. We can't wait to watch you grow ❤️
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This isn't related to RimWorld, but look at my cat! She's cute and I thought you should know ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#rimworld#gracie plays#A Mechanitor's Message#art#my art#traditional art#rimworld art#unpolished art#slightly more polished art than usual#poll#shut up mechi you're supposed to be meditating#Thank you for the healer mech serum Arno#we'll try not to need it anytime soon#we don't need more babies#even though Ivy is very cute#Happy birthday Ivy!!#You're going to be such a delight to have around#and I am excited to draw someone that's not the Jones twins with a little more frequency#don't get me wrong I love drawing Mechi and Kwahu#but I don't want to get stuck in same-face syndrome lmao#everyone tell my cat how lovely she is#have a fabulous day!!! xoxo
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Leo and Jason had been friends for ages. They had been childhood friends and grew up together.
Due to their closeness, Leo thought it was only natural that his thoughts around him strayed. He was so comfortable in his sexuality that he entertained funny thoughts about what it would be like to date his best friend. He specifically wondered what it would feel like to kiss him.
However, it wasn’t weird. They had such a close, unbreakable bond that he felt comfortable with the idea. They were both straight, so they’d never come to fruition, but they were amusing to think about. It was natural. Anyone would think about it if their best friend was as attractive and sweet as Jason.
Everyone thought that way. Right?
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or, the five times Leo thinks it's normal to want to kiss his best friend, the one time he realizes it isn't, and the one time he gets kissed.
#pjo#leo valdez#jason grace#valgrace#yippee finished a fic!#idk how it got longer than i expected#love 5+1 fics sm they’re so good#this whole fic is like that ‘everyone feels that way’ tiktok sound lol#baby cat is the mvp in this whole fic#shes living her best life with her gay dads#good for her#also yes on my cat dad leo agenda again#he would love how much pesonality and sass cats can have#leo: dude everyone wants to kiss and date their best friend!#nico: i’m going to hold your hand when i tell you this…
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so no one was going to tell me if i got literally one episode further tenax drops that he’s the one who saved scorpus from his mom’s pimp AND that he’s intimately familiar with scorpus’ dick when he was younger. guys. guys.
#thinking about an INSANE divorce fic. as a follow-up to the 30k canon-compliant backstory i have not written#(really it could be an au of that because like. am i sentimental and would i want them to get emotionally divorced NO but i will get into#the variants of this later i have to tell you about them ACTUALLY divorced first before i get into the hot divorcee energy of it all)#where they fucked around when they were younger and then broke up because. yeah tenax can dream but scorpus needs certainty he is what he#is he wants attention and dignity and when blue offers for him he goes and we don’t need to know what the massive fight was but we DO need#to know that they stopped fucking and maybe they stopped talking too but now they’re Colleagues. putting the ‘because i can’ moment#into a WHOLE different light bc it’s very much a ‘you no longer have a say in who I get to fuck because it’s not YOU. because we’re not’#and thus we get an exes-to-lovers arc I still know you the best and yes I SEE the scorpus xenon andria potential & once again I am saying:#put that in a box we can’t talk about that right now I see it but that’s not what we’re here for. anyway I was TRYING to say the ‘I know u#best of anyone’ of it all and if you think I have stopped thinking about tenax goading scorpus & talking about his dick for a single second#I have not. I REALLY have not because that is top tier blatant manipulation to be like ohhhh poor baby you’re so old and rotting I can just#get a new chariot driver I don’t even really want you anyway 😇 and scorpus KNOWS It’s bait however. he’s gotta get his attention back.#anyway they are ugly divorced and it’s very slow burn but I know exactly how you taste & what buttons to press & how to grip your shoulders#in an argument until they fuck nasty on all of their riches or however this thing ends. not well for anyone but I WILL be getting them back#together. the other fun little big divorced energy thoughts i had were very much ‘divorced and arguing but it’s foreplay to threaten to#leave each other’ so they can have hot aggressive mean sex because they get off on arguing with each other. everybody in the stables starts#to see them arguing about chariot design & the brothers are scared they’re gonna kill each other & then suddenly scorpus is tongue-fucking#Tenax’s throat with a fist still in his hair and tenax has a hand pinning him back against the post by the throat and that’s all they see#before everybody clears the FUCK out. this is a regular occurrence at all times in all arguments it’s so fun I love the dynamic#OHHHH AND IT’S AN OUTSIDER POV FIC i said the brothers really i meant elia but also now that i say that. could be a fun five + 1 of#everyone watching them threaten to kill each other and then y’know. la petit mort. ALSO i know i see the calla/tenax too we can’t talk abt#that put it in the box with the chariot drivers we can have one (1) thing at a time. the calla note is because i want a calla pov of them#where she’s just like ‘freaks. right in front of my salad?’ and does not give a fuck at all. top tier. anyway. andria/elia/calla/domitian#(Domitian seeing them petition him would be so fun because he wants to puppet master everything he’d want to know SO BAD.) the 5th one idk#because I don’t have any idea about the third brother yet but maybe Tenax catching scorpus in a brothel again? and the +1 is their POV ofc.#(anyway for myself: the vibes i want here are geno/anna cat and mouse follow/unfollow divorce and win her back rumors)#scorpus/tenax#those about to die#scorpus#tenax
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examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk
#BEGONE!!! *wizard beam blast leaving a black smoking crater in the middle of the tumblr dashboard*#I think another downside to everyone doing everything on phone apps on shitty tiny screens nowadays is the inability to really see details#of an image and thus its easier to share BLATANTLY fake things like.. even 'good' ai art has pretty obvious tells at this point#but especially MOST of it is not even 'good' and will have details that are clearly off or lines that dont make sense/uneven (like the imag#of a house interior and in the corner there's a cabinet and it has handles as if it has doors that open but there#are no actual doors visible. or both handles are slightly different shapes. So much stuff that looks 'normal' at first glance#but then you can clearly tell it's just added details with no intention or thought behind it. a pattern that starts and then just abruptly#doesn't go anywhere. etc. etc. )#the same thing with how YEARS ago when I followed more fashion type blogs on tumblr and 'colored hair' was a cool ''''New Thing''' instead#of being the norm now basically. and people would share photos of like ombre hair designs and stuff that were CLEARLY photoshop like#you could LITERally see the coloring outside of the lines. blurs of color that extend past the hair line to the rest of the image#or etc. But people would just share them regardless and comment like 'omg i wish I could do this to my hair!' or 'hair goallzzzz!! i#wonder what salon they went to !!' which would make me want to scream and correct them everytime ( i did not lol)#hhhhhhggh... literally view the image on anything close to a full sized screen and You Will SEe#I don't know why it's such a pet peeve of mine. I think just as always I'm obsessed with the reality and truth of things. most of the thing#that annoy me most about people are situations in which people are misinterpreting/misunderstanding how something works or having a misconc#eption about somehting thats easily provable as false or etc. etc. Even if it's harmless for some random woman on facebook to believe that#this AI generated image of a cat shaped coffee machine is actually a real product she could buy somewhere ... I still urgently#wish I could be like 'IT IS ALL AN ILLUSION. YOU SEE???? ITS NOT REALL!!!!! AAAAA' hjhjnj#Like those AI shoes that went around for a while with 1000000s of comments like 'omg LOVE these where can i get them!?' and it's like YOU#CANT!!! YOU CANT GET THEM!!! THEY DONT EXIST!!! THE EYELETS DONT EVEN LINE UP THE SHOES DONT EVEN#MATCH THE PATTERNS ARE GIBBERISH!! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THEY ARE NOT REAL!??!!' *sobbing in the rain like in some drama movie*#Sorry I'm a pedantic hater who loves truth and accuracy of interpretation and collecting information lol#I think moreso the lacking of context? Like for example I find the enneagram interesting but I nearly ALWAYS preface any talking about it#with ''and I know this is not scientifically accurate it's just an interesting system humans invented to classify ourselve and our traits#and I find it sociologically fascinating the same way I find religion fascinating'. If someone presented personality typing information wit#out that sort of context or was purporting that enneagram types are like 100% solid scientific truth and people should be classified by the#unquestionaingly in daily life or something then.. yeah fuck that. If these images had like disclaimers BIG in the image description somewh#re like 'this is not a real thing it's just an AI generated image I made up' then fine. I still largely disagree with the ethics behind AI#art but at least it's informed. It's the fact that people just post images w/o context or beleive a falsehood about it.. then its aAAAAAA
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#my friendship anxiety is pretty bad and for the most part I'm almost sure that I bore everyone with my taking and I should stop etc#anyway today I was typing to my friend some silly thing about my cat and she unpromptedly answered something like 'thank you so much for#telling me all this I love this stories so much' and I mean I tell something like this every day and I couldn't find any explanation for he#saying this (like me showing more anxiety than usual etc) aside from. her just. meaning it.#and it almost made me cry + made me double anxious because I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PROCESS IT
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So. Those Dead Boy Detectives, huh?
#gay love confession as part of an ~escape from (super)hell?#who knew it was possible!#(also listen i went into the show 100% thinking the boys were brothers#i cannot even tell you the ~delight at Edwin's romantic feelings not only being genuine#but the development of them being a core part of the plot#i mean damn)#epic found family stuff was on point as well#and ~all the relationships being explored not just romance#the utter lack of a love triangle despite several options for one#with it always being crushed by the relevant parties genuinely caring about the love interest enough to wish them the best even with another#and Edwin just caring about Crystal himself anyway#Monty ultimately caring for Edwin more than having his feelings requited#and all the antagonists who ended up being all complex and shit and not just villains actually#(except David fuck that guy :p and Ester as well really though she did ofc have a notable backstory)#Cat King a fascinating example since his behaviour is so predatory/controlling/toxic at times#~and yet - he obviously does care for Edwin and helps out#so much about everyone dealing with their own trauma/issues#how that can make you yourself toxic/unkind/etc#and yet how everyone is capable of change - of regretting their past and working to be better#as seen in Crystal#but also minor characters like Edwin's bully Simon#aaah so much to love#my heart is aching over this#season 2 when#??#(and i haven't even started on Ruthie!!)
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everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn
#self#for instance.....my mom wants me to cut off everyone who is still tied to the school#and im so mad at myself for feeling a certain type of way when the campus manager called me not too long ago basically to tell me she doesnt#trust the girl who did this shit and she wasnt mad at me but was also mad at me for bringing her to her dads house#for reference we were trying to get a cat from the campus managers dads house LMFAO#and i honestly cannot wait to speak to her again and be like 😔 god dammit you were right like you were every single time#i just dont understand the wiring in her head to think the shit she says and does to people is normal and okay and how she doesnt realize it#is literally a mental health break. when i finally told my mom the first thing she said was shes probably off her medication#which.....probably isnt wrong sadly coming from someone who has borderline and very easily can lose it#but the difference is i dont give in to the urges to try to hurt everyone around me in every way i can#and me and her have said before that we thought she might also have borderline because we were very similar#but god damn does she love proving that if she has it its extremely severe or its something else entirely#on an honest note. shes incredibly narcissistic and i know her mom is part of the reason shes that way bc she was given princess treatment#her entire fucking life and then doesnt understand when other people dont treat her the same way#i hate rambling about this and i hate it that it is bothering me so fucking bad but like ???#if youre going to decide that you can put our past aside period and move on then fucking do that and stop bringing the past up as a way to#hurt me and the people around you???? she acts like shes not done horrible fucking things to people. so sorry i wrote a letter that was very#honest at the time. so sorry that when you found out i apologized for it and said i regret it because 2 weeks after my apology i no longer#regret writing it. if its making school a living hell for you....theres probably a reason for that girlfriend#i am not the person who put that shit in your folder#though i seriously fucking doubt its actually in her folder shes probably assuming it is#and youre the one who made a complete ass of yourself to every educator that ever stepped foot in that building#that has nothing to do with me that you are a literal warning given to every new educator!!!! i havent even been in school there in months#yet IM the problem??? how am i the problem when i graduated in fucking january???? everything since then falls on you#AND YET AGAIN! MIGHT I MENTION! IT IS NOT JUST MY LETTER!!! THERES AT LEAST 2 OTHER ONES!!!!!#BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON SHE DOES THIS SHIT TO!!!!#god sometimes i sit back and realize that theres a reason she regresses as a person and i do not#im not going to sit still anymore and let someone walk all over me and she can thank herself for that#shes who taught me that blocking and running as fast as i can doesnt fix anything#so here we are bitch. youre not blocked and im sure youre sitting at home thinking about how youre right about everything
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in the middle of reading the new wind excerpt and god. oh my god. someone sedate me
#AGHHHHHH frostpaw. my baby :(#she spent a wholeeee book building up her courage to approach and accept what actually happened to her and her mother and her clan#she spent a whole book recovering and coming to terms with and understanding what she had to do#she spent a whole book preparing herself to save her clan and prove herself and it just Blows Up In Her Face within one gathering. crying#and the way splashtail just undermines her right in front of her clan?? telling them she must be psychotic or having a breakdown of somesor#that she must be confused and lost and hurt over her mother’s death and how they can’t trust what she says because of that#babying her in front of everyone right to her face. fucked up man#i mean she is Baby but i believe she is actually full grown by this point and is at the age where she would usually be made full medicineca#it’s just. god. everyone not trusting her. everyone throwing accusations at her. everyone not even giving her the time of day#so messed up!!! i’m going to go cry about it now bye#YES i’m getting emotional over a series meant for 6th graders leave me alone!! /hj#delete later#but like man. everyone in her clan rejected her. even her own family?? her siblings???? MOTHWING????#i know they can’t really do anything and riverclan wants stability but. man she’s just a baby. she’s still an apprentice cut her some slack#at least frostpaw will be with shadowsight#they can bond over their shared trauma of being led on by someone and getting almost killed by said someone#….weird how that happened twice within two arcs#inherently doomed medicine cats my beloveds. you are everything to me and you deserve so much better god damnit#listen i loved what the erins did with bristlefrost last arc but they cannot do that to me again#good on them for being brave and killing off a protag but no!!! not with these ones this time!!!!!#anyway
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cat obsession rotting my brain
#my cat my kitty kitty cat#im obsessed with her i love her so much already i think its fair#but i love how my sister and friends also love her so much??#i cant shut up about sara im like sara sara sara cant wait for sara thinking im annoying#and everyones just like hell yeah cant wait yo meet her#she spent a year on the streets and another year in the foster home and nobody wanted to adopt her#and now shes surrounded with love all over town#dhe doesnt even know!!!!!#my bff said tell me as soon as you get her i need to come over#my babyyyyy my sweet little babyyy#she has triangle cat eaaaars#(not really bc one has the tip missing but anyway)#a cute little kitty black nose#paw beans!!#so many cool things abt a cat! shell say meow and ill say meow meow and well be best friends forever & i feel like im 5 when i talk lke this#we'll hang out on the balcony and judge everyone and she'll have a sweet cat bed chilling spot on the window sill#theres always a cat in the next window over but he doesnt go out on the balcony i think#i can't wait its honestly frying my brain
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i love sending my brother screenshots of lil manga Akechis where he looks all sweet n innocent to make it seem funny how badly hes treated in our au with him. and pretending the canon horrors he doesnt know abt dont exist
#remember the omori crossover au where we plopped Yusuke in faraway and ran with it. yea well thats Akechi centric now somehow#i cant remember if i said that already. either way its funny to me#bc i feel like my Akechi brainrot rubbed off on him but his brainrot is also being sent back to me. its a cycle of Akechi..#theres also 2 variants but the new 'main' one is one of my favorite aus for anything rn#basically detective boy over here tried to investigate Maris death but he ends up possessed by her. very silly and fun#n Mari refuses to tell him how she died#so he sticks his nose into business he has no right getting into by himself <3 it sucks for everyone involved. n their dynamic is fun#Yusuke is still there. so is Akira n Futaba n Sojiro. not the rest tho#o and Morgana but hes just a cat#theres a fun irony in this where Akechi was distant from the friend group n is initially the least affected by Maris death#and didnt rly know her#but uh ! well. that obviously changes#also if anyone remembers when i mentioned my brother writing shuake fic in discord this is what its from. btw#he also wrote a different bit really early on that like. nailed Akechi surprisingly well for how little he knew abt him at the time#did Not mean to ramble abt this i just love this thing. and Mari 👍
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Everything is so fucking difficult all of the time
#trying to find a tattoo apprenticship is an act of violence#bitches love giving contradictory advice#and getting mad that you followed the Wrong Advice#the other hot tip is to already know someone#which is bad advice because like...... i cannot go into the past. i can only network now.#but everyone keeps saying you gotta already know them or else they wont give you the time of day#or just hang around the shop until you have a repore#which is also garbage because no one can tell me how to start hanging around a shop without being a nuiscance#I'm not about to sit in someones lobby like ''I'm just here to watch''#and i dont have the money to get tattooed on the reg#and i dont have time to hang out because i have a job#and how am i supposed to both ''cast a wide net'' and ''knock on doors'' at the same time as hanging around one particular shop#i hate it i hate it i hate it#every single interview has told me i have an impressive portfolio#and every single one is not looking#meanwhile other bitches keep being like ''just started my apprenticeship!''#and I'm happy for them but also I'm fucking exhausted#you really just have to already know people but all i can do is try to meet them#i hate it#and on the drive home my neighbor called to say she found my lost cat#and i rushed over and it wasnt my cat#i have no money#and am very tired all of the time#how do people afford to just hang out at shops#i have genuinely no clue how to even start that#tattoo apprentice#autobiography
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>“What are your favourite animals” >*Lists off almost exclusively creatures that most people are afraid of or think are gross [or both], for the given “I am offended on their behalf, they are simply vibing” reason* “...And also dogs!”
One Of Those Things Is Not Like The Others, except it actually is because I was raised by my mother and my mother fucking hates [read: is afraid of] dogs, especially the big ones. When I was a kid I asked for a pet dog once and she got me two cats instead.
#.It speaks#About me#I am about to bitch in the tags#Animal abuse //#Child abuse //#She HATES hates dogs. I have to listen to her seethe about how much she hates dogs every time the subject of ''dogs'' gets brought up.#She says they're 1. dangerous and 2. ''too clingy and emotionally needy''#She doesn't like affectionate animals [or people] because they're ''manipulative'' [her words] and thus revolting#She likes cats because ''It's so cute. They think they're so independent and don't need me but they would DIE without me.''#Her smug words once again. She does NOT believe me when I try to tell her cats are social animals too.#They literally are affectionate they just don't show it the same way dogs do. Different body language.#Essentially she likes cats because they make her feel Superior™. Bit fucked up!#Psychology fun fact btw. People who like things other people find repulsive [ahem] aren't necessarily just being contrarians.#Sometimes it's a sympathy/relatability thing because the person themself has been made to feel repulsive/hated#Guess what happens when a small child's primary caregiver -- the only person who is raising them -- thinks love and crying are manipulative#I have DID :)#Another reason my mother hates dogs is because they can maul her much worse than a cat can if she kicks them#I think one bit her once. We USED to have two dogs when I was very small.#She was always really mad at them for ''Taking up all of everyone's attention'' and liked to drag them around by their collars#And she wondered why Lorraina had anxiety issues and chewed the furniture.#Lorraina and Frosty were both just kind of uh. Gone one day.#Mom also declaws her cats. I don't understand why vets are even still willing to do that. It's extremely inhumane.
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Not to date myself but sometimes in the middle of a crisis u get to hear Pursuit of Happiness (Nightmare) by Kid Cudi featuring MGMT and Ratatat, Steve Aoki Remix and feel joy for the first time in a week and a half
#my stuff#its the little things ig#idc if the lyrics are depressing it makes me wild out and i love it#my ex robbed me and i kicked him back to his apt 1.5 weeks ago#and apparently he didnt know we broke up (i didnt block him i had his cat and still have his stuff)#so i think im giving him a lot of fucking grace for stealing a paycheck 2 weeks worth of work for his drug habits when im going hungry rn#i sent him this long heartfelt text using my therapy communication skills to clearly outline that we are not dating anymore#and he just doesnt accept??? he keeps saying we have to work thru this and the drugs did it not him blah blah blah#like dude ive seen my own mother suck dick on the living room couch so she could buy another 8 ball and not give me lunch 😑#tf makes u think im gonna put up with that shit now????? dumbass#i keep waking up sad and weepy still but i just tell everyone i know abt what he did and they tell me im better than that and i feel better#i told 1 patient at work shes my fave. little old korean lady. she brings us a bag of fruits every week and is so fun to talk to#when she ices afterwards she asks for extra time and we chat a lot about our lives. she was so sad for me and kept telling me#that im so pretty and so nice and men will take advantage babygirl im so sorry that happened to you!!! 😭 i told her im fine now#and told her how im seeing my family more again and doing whatever i feel like whenever i want and looking towards my future and she relaxed#but that ones going to stick in my head the most. if i took him back id be letting her down. i almost cracked today like a spineless coward#but hearing her seem so hurt for me and say that i didnt deserve it felt so genuine. ill miss her#i took my last dab today guys no more until i ged paid 2 more times but as you can see by the tags getting away from me#it was a good fucking dab lol
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ranting for like an hour with my roommate about rascal's owner bc i do not understand her behavior (<- furious).
#like ur fine with letting us (basically strangers) take him for weeks at a time with little communication but you still call him your son??#you leave him alone with your physically abusive roommate (knowing what she does to him) all day and still he's your son?#you tell everyone you and roommate are the dysfunctional/deadbeat/abusive parents and we're the loving foster parents and you feel no shame#you dont try to change this? you don't take him to a shelter or clean up your act or change roommates at all???#and yet you still act like he means something to you when the only time he is cared for is when he's in our home#he is a sweet little boy who you took in on purpose and chose to keep and choose to keep every day#and you're fine with dumping him on us for weeks only seeing him for minutes at a time and now youre gonna take him home over break to get#him used to your pets?? like you want to keep him???#i feel like ive been played for a sucker. like yes i inserted myself in this mess and i feel idk like. arrogant? for judging her#but at the same time i can't look at her roommate locking him in a dark closet full of his own shit or waving a taser at him or throwing hi#across the room ('look' metaphorically; i was told afterwards and they acted like it was funny) and go#yeah well. maybe we're all bad parents. YOU LEAVE HIM WITH HER? ON PURPOSE. EVERY DAY FOR MANY HOURS#like im glad to take care of him i will and am doing it for free i love him dearly. but watching her come back for him like it doesn't#matter that shes been gone this whole time and like it doesn't matter who he's with or how they treat him after we mop his shit up for week#like goddamn. ive been doing you a favor haven't i.#ive been a free cat nanny and at the end of the day he'll go right back into that shitcloset. and you won't bat an eye.#it's worth it to get him out of there even if im being taken advantage of but i fucking still don't like it#but im worried that if i confront her she'll take him back for good. aughh Hes Literally Not My Cat I Don't Have Any Right To Take Him#But He Needs Somebody Who Can Take Care Of Him. and im not even sure that person's me but fucking. at least i try#at least i give a shit about how he is and spend time with him and be patient with him and. god. i need to pack im stopping here#it makes me mad okay. he deserves so so much and they give him nothing. like i can't understand getting a kid/pet on purpose and not even#trying to understand or care for them or even Resenting them. theyre innocent and they need you. they're yours. be theirs. but seeing it in#person and having this stupid fucking mental custody battle is just. really frustrating and disheartening.#im going to go kiss babycat on the forehead now. fucks sake#edit day after but i went off about this to my mom and she pointed out that his owner kinda put her roommate in that situation too#like her behavior toward rascal is unacceptable but shit she Didnt Want A Kitten In Her Room#and shes probably the one who has to take care of him. at least we opted into this#like if my roommate got a high maintenance pet who fucking bites me all the time that i didnt like without asking and then made me take care#of it alone all the damn time In My Room bc it's a dorm so you can't escape like shit id be pissed too#and the owner just foisting him off on whoever not giving a shit about whose care he's in or how good it is like.
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tuned into Plestia's live with Rahma Zein's second account (she got shadowbanned). key moments:
plestia talked about her adjustment to living in australia. "it's 1:30am now and it's normal for me and many palestinians who live abroad to be awake hours into the morning. i am scared of sleeping. because of the time difference, i'm scared if i sleep i will wake up to bad news. in gaza i was scared of the sound of the bombs, here i am scared of the quiet."
contacting family and friends in gaza is near impossible. "sometimes i feel like a crazy person, calling 20 times in a row hoping that on the 21st time the call might go through."
on the destruction of entire communities and neighbourhoods: "i'm scared when i go back to gaza i won't recognise it anymore. someone sent me a picture of my neighbourhood, and i couldn't tell it was mine at first. all my favourite places, cafes where the aunties used to give me extra food and ask about my day, have been destroyed. i dread looking at my gallery or seeing snapchat memories because most of these people in the pictures are no longer alive."
rahma asked plestia to talk about one story that stuck with her. plestia said "i remember walking one time on the 'safe corridor', that's what they called it anyway, and i saw an older woman clutching onto a donkey cart where her son's body was, refusing to let go of it. i asked my colleague what the smell was, he said it's dead bodies under the rubble. it was the first time i familiarised myself with the smell. the son's body was decaying and the woman told me about cats and animals eating away at it. i've had children talk to me about birds eating away at their parents' decomposing bodies and not being able to chase them away."
"it seems so silly to go to hospitals for minor sicknesses now. i can't even think about how many palestinian children are going to be terrified of hospitals now. there was a girl who was taken to the hospital to get treatment for injuries by one of the bombs, and while she was in the bathroom another bomb landed nearby. the impact from that sent the ceiling crashing down on her.. she got another injury while getting treated for her first one."
"i hate how people talk about our resilience - as if it's okay that this is happening to us. we are only surviving because we have to, because we have no other choice."
rahma brought up the way family homes are set up in palestine and asked plestia to elaborate. "basically, there are floors. someone will live on the ground floor, and then their married son lives with his children on the floor above them, and then their successors above them and so on. so when family homes are targeted, they wipe out entire families. many families officially no longer exist."
"i used to wear my journalist helmet and vest all the time, felt naked without it, even slept with the vest on sometimes until i realised it only made me more of a target. they didn't give me any protection, only headaches and back pain."
"i am an optimistic person, i loved covering sweet sentimental things, like at my graduation asking parents of top graduates how they feel about their children graduating. that's what i love reporting on. i wanted to cover things like that when i came back to gaza, show the beautiful side of gaza that the media didn't really show, but i didn't have the chance." "do you think they'll give you right of return?" "i can only hope."
plestia mentioned how hard it was being a journalist with limited access to the internet, charging facilities, no mics, lack of equipment and how difficult it was uploading things. rahma asked her what's one story that wasn't really recorded or posted due to these constraints; plestia said "the evacuations. sometimes they informed us about them, sometimes they didn't. you have no idea how hard it was, everyone looking for their family members, making sure every one was there, taking to the streets in 5 minutes and not knowing which way to go. i remember i went to my friend's house for shelter for 30 minutes before the first evacuation was announced and we ran to another family's house, stayed there for 2 days before another evacuation was announced. me, my friend, and that family all evacuated together to another family's house. there were already so many people there seeking shelter, it wasn't just one family staying there. none of us knew how long we had in any place."
before october 7th, palestinians were used to limitations on electricity. plestia used to plan her day's tasks around when the electricity was working. "for example when the electricity was on from 12 to 4, i would say i will do my laundry and charge the phones during this time. life wasn't exactly 'normal', but all of us pray to have those days back in comparison to what we are experiencing now." plestia also said that cars are running on cooking oil now because there is no fuel.
on hygiene: "many pregnant women have to give birth without any pain medication or medical attention. once we ran out of medicine, that was it. women who had to get C-sections couldn't stay to recover or get followup treatments because someone else needed the bed. we have no water, no tissues, no pads, barely any bathrooms. in the shelter schools you have to wait an hour before even getting to use the bathroom because of how many people are there."
"something you don't hear about is how many people die because of sadness. there's so many ways to die in gaza, because of the bombardment, because of starvation, the lack of resources, but i also know many elderly people who died because their hearts couldn't take it anymore. i have been in gaza before and lived through 4 aggressions, but nothing compared to this one."
a recurring sentiment that was echoed in the video: "sometimes i thought to myself: who am i recording this for? because we've already shown everything, we've already talked about everything. everything has already been said, the proof is everywhere, nothing i talked about today is new." rahma said the first video posted about what's happening in palestine should've been enough.
she is 22 today. plestia's closing words: don't stop talking about us, don't stop boycotting, don't stop protesting, please don't get bored of fighting for palestine.
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no, actually, where is the whimsy?
my ex had a best friend named larry who asked me once: what do you think comes after irony?
we were at the bar where larry worked. it was a quiet night, and he'd hopped over to sit with us on the patron side. i swirled the lemon around my limoncello martini.
earnest positivity, i said, while my ex said, art self-destructs.
i stared at my ex. he stared at me.
his argument was the cinemasins argument: look how bad media is becoming! look at the loopholes and the dumb shit!
it was roughly 2011. galaxy print was still in. at the time, i had a favorite shirt that was a wolf howling at the moon. it got ripped in half in the wash and i honestly still mourn it. i dressed like effie stonem, because everyone did. and irony was the name of the thing. men liked MLP "ironically." the internet liked the kind of crass, "anti-mainstream" vibes of things like fuck romance, touch my butt and buy me pizza. we put cats in sunglasses everywhere, which was because we only liked things in irony.
and media had the same vibe in it: anti-hero white men would be "hard to love" and then storm off the scene. nobody was just earnestly trying to save the world: they were jaded, angry, unoriginal. mad you even asked them to try to help.
my ex ends up not being wrong. cinemasins becomes super popular. a lot of people start viewing media with this lens that is the cruelest, most jaded depiction. it's wrong for your character to have unexplained powers, even if the entire movie is about how strange it is she has unexplained powers - that is still considered a "loophole." characters make thoughtless, panicked choices? loophole. characters are actually kind people, despite hardship? loophole. features a woman doing literally anything without assistance? loophole. movies become hyper-aware of scrutiny, and now irony rules the media.
which means you go to a movie, and the character has to turn to the screen and say "beats me!!" or one of the side characters has to have some kind of quip like "are you seriously telling me that you think this is normal?" because nothing can happen in earnest. like a sitcom laugh track, we now anticipate the fourth-wall break: the moment that the media acknowledges it is telling a story. the media has to apologize for itself, or else someone like my ex rolls their eyes.
but here's the thing: i wasn't wrong either.
the difference might be that i am (and always have been) so soft-hearted that any crack in the light of this world will spear me into the ground. and i was the poet in the relationship. (he thought that was the same thing as being naïve and stupid). i was making things daily. i knew how all of us artists are driven by some strange desire to evolve. he notably liked to critique art, not to create it.
so yes, i've made things that are bitter and angry and even ironic. i've made long, sharp poems with all capital letters, and i've made poems about how the silence stretches out like a song. someone wrote once that we will spend our whole lives just circling the place we grew up. i think it's more that we spend our whole lives trying to remake a home. i think it's that as we age, it becomes less exciting to build the castle on the beach - we become aware of erosion, of windforce. we realize what we really want is to come home to our dog, castle or not.
and while art in the foreground is mired in white male violence and irony, and aggression, and not taking anything seriously - i don't think that's true of all art. i think more and more artists are leaning in to the things we love. the world has changed so much. they have taken so many things from us. the only thing we have left is love. at the bottom of the moving box - all we get is the faint sense that we have to appreciate what little we've got. i can't enjoy this stuff ironically anymore: what room do i have for irony? if it makes me happy, that is an amazing thing. there are so few happy places left for me. i want to be happy because of how leaves shiver beside each other like nestling birds. i want to be happy because of the color pink, and how magenta doesn't exist. i have spent so much of this life suffering, i have earned my right to a gentle ending. if nothing matters, i get to assign meaning to the nothing. i get to create meaning. i am an artist first and foremost, which means creation is my thing.
where is the whimsy? wherever i fucking put it. because if this is my last fucking chance to do any good in this world - i want to do it earnestly. i want to write things that make you happy. that make people feel heard and seen. what comes after irony has to be positivity.
it was close to my 21st birthday. in 7 years, i would end up writing a book about this relationship, which is hopefully coming out somewhere around May 2024. i come back to this bar scene in my memories a lot. i keep thinking of how pale my ex was. the look that crossed his face. how i looked back at him. how for a moment, both of us couldn't recognize the other person. like the gulf between us was a suddenly wide and cavernous thing. like we were alien to each other. he never took my opinion seriously, and he always seemed surprised whenever his manic-pixie-dream-girl ever broke free of the plot. like in the whole time we were together, i wasn't human enough.
this knowledge: where he said nothing comes after, my only instinct was what comes after is love.
#spilled ink#writeblr#this is a real story lol#looking back i liked larry as a person SO much more than my ex hollyyyyy shitttt#compulsory heterosexuality will do you DIRTY#edit to correct effies name my apologies to effie and effies family
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