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wen-kexing-apologist · 1 year

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Bengiyo's Queer Cinema Syllabus

For those who are not aware, I have decided to run the gauntlet of @bengiyo’s Queer Cinema Syllabus and have officially started Unit 2: Race, Disability, and Class. The films in Unit 2 are: The Way He Looks (2014), Being 17 (2016), Naz and Maalik (2015), The Obituary of Tunde Johnson (2019), Margarita With a Straw (2014), My Beautiful Laundrette (1985), Brother to Brother (2004), and Beautiful Thing (1996)

Today I will be writing about

Margarita With a Straw (2014) dir. Shonali Bose

[Available on Amazon, Run Time- 1:40, Language: Hindi and English]

Summary: A rebellious young woman with cerebral palsy leaves her home in India to study in New York, unexpectedly falls in love, and embarks on an exhilarating journey of self-discovery.

Cast: Kalki Koechlin as Laila Kapoor Revathi as Shubhangini Kapoor Sayani Gupta as Khanum

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I would like everyone to know that at the time of writing this, I was still crying about this movie. It is perfection. I literally…I have so much, too much, and yet nothing to say about this film. If you had asked me before tonight if there would ever be a reality where I was nearly in tears over watching a character on screen masturbate, I would not have really believed it, yet here we are. THIS FILM IS PERFECT BECAUSE THEY MADE THEIR DISABLED CHARACTERS ACTUAL FUCKING PEOPLE WHO ARE HORNY, INDEPENDENT (within the scope of their own physical abilities), AND FLAWED HUMAN BEINGS. Like???????? That in my lifetime of watching films the existence of characters with disabilities is rare enough already, and if you get in to the more stigmatized/infantilized disabilities, say for example, having a main character and romantic interest with cerebral palsy, the acknowledgement that they are people with sexual attraction and desire is almost non-existent.

Like, how many power wheelchair users have I seen being a subject of romantic interest? This film does not shy away from any aspect of being disabled, while simultaneously eliminating any and all possible feelings of the film itself being some type of inspiration porn for The Struggles Of Existing As A Disabled Person. This is not a “aww look the able bodied girl falls in love with the quadraplegic man isn’t that lovely?” types of stories. This is a film where disability really just happens to be included and life and the conflicts in the film have absolutely nothing to do with their actual disability or overcoming some aspect of their disability.

The closest we get to Laila and Kahnum’s disabilities even mattering to the central conflicts in the story in my mind, is the implication of the way society has viewed them that has fed in to their own insecurities. A huge part of Laila’s journey is self-love and self-acceptance. Laila is obviously feeling dejected after a round or two of rejections from boys she has been interested in. And then she meets a girl, Kanhum who is blind, and hot, and wonderful, and they start a relationship. At some point, Laila cheats on Kanhum, having sex with a boy from her college, Jared, who she has been crushing on since her first day of classes.

One of the heaviest moments in the film for me was when Laila finally admits to cheating on Kanhum by having sex with Jared one time while Laila and Kanhum were dating. For an explanation as to part of what caused Laila to have sex with Jared, Laila says, to her blind girlfriend “Jared could see me, that’s why” and Kanhum walks away. But here is the thing, this movie trusts its audience, this movie lets the full weight of that admission hang in the air, but doesn’t beat you over the head with what that line is actually saying.

gif by @celluloidrainbow

To me it is clear as day that Laila wanted to have sex with someone that could see her so she could feel desirable in the body that she is in. Kanhum has her own way of seeing, in a beautiful hands hands hands moment Kanhum sees Laila by feeling her body, her face, her lips, and she tells Laila “you’re so beautiful” and she is fucking right. But I can see how Laila, after multiple rejections, may have a hard time believing that someone that does not have the ability to physically see her body [In a similar way to Frankenstein’s creature finally finding kindness and acceptance from a blind man, and being chased away from that warmth by his children when they physically saw what Adam looked like].

And for Kanhum, it is clear how much that line devastates her, because she can see, she can see in the way she has learned how to see, and she sees well enough by feel to know that Laila is beautiful. You can tell how much she is hurt by the implication that Laila needs to have her beauty validated by a “normal” (as the movie names them) in order to believe she is desirable, even after Laila has been in a months long relationship with Kanhum, and they’ve caressed each other, and made out, and fucked. Kanhum’s reaction makes me believe that Kanhum is worried Lalia doesn’t trust her opinions on beauty because she can’t see the way everyone else can. But neither of these insecurities are voiced aloud, they just hang in the air between them instead.

I love how much this movie demonstrates the balance in a family’s relationship to disability. That the film understands that Laila cannot bathe herself, or go to the bathroom unassisted, but on the flip side, Laila is able to help her mother bathe, or warm her mother’s feet. Kanhum needs to have her swim suit handed to her, but she can also help Laila change in to her own swim suit. Laila’s mother cooks for her, because she’s her mother and that’s what she would do anyway, but once her mom flies back to India, Laila is shown cooking meals for herself. And they take the time in an hour and forty minute film to show Laila’s multiple attempts at frying an egg, and all the ways she ends up adapting and improvising in order to make it work. I love that they show the wasteland of broken eggs, that Laila shoves in to a trashcan with a spatula because she doesn’t have the grip strength or range of motion to just sweep those off the counter and in to the trash with her hand.

I love the way that sexuality and disability intersect in this film. When Laila comes out to her mother as bisexual, her mom is pissed and does not speak to her for a day or two, and Laila calls her own mother a hypocrite: “Abnormal. That’s what the world said about [my disability] too. What’s your problem now?” And it’s such a great point, because we are at a time in this story where every aspect of these characters lives are part of their normal, or added accessibility tools are just swiftly adopted in to their lives. Laila is never infantilized, she is trusted to be independent, to live abroad without her parents there, and her mother is about as anxious as any parent seeing their kid spread their wings for the first time would be. Laila has a caretaker in New York that we literally never see, because it isn’t relevant, and every time we see someone taking care of Laila or on the flip, Laila taking care of someone else, there is a level of intimacy to it. Familial, platonic, sexual, romantic, you name it.

gif by @celluloidrainbow

I love the complexity this film is able to build between its characters, especially in the way that Kanhum was deeply wounded and betrayed by Laila, but Laila is still the one that comforts her when she is crying about the information late at night. And Kanhum is the one to hold Laila and comfort her while she cries over the death of her mother.

My only criticism is that they did not hire an actor with cerebral palsy or an actor who was blind for the roles, though Shonali Bose did initially set out to hire an actor with cerebral palsy. But according to the Wiki on this, there were no actresses with cerebral palsy in India, and the woman Bose wanted to play Kanhum initially, is blind, but was uncomfortable with the sexual elements of the film and opted to act as an advisor to the actress who ended up playing Kanhum. Kalki, who plays Laila, spent a lot of time working with Bose’s cousin to learn the physicality and speech patterns of people with CP.

By/For/About

I would say for me with this one, it is not For the queers, but it is CERTAINLY FOR DISABLED PEOPLE. Like you can tell the writer has some very personal experience with disability from the depiction of disability itself in the film. But, Shonali Bose wrote and directed this film as a result of a conversation with her cousin, who is disabled, where she talked about her desire to have a normal sex life.

Favorite Moment

gif by @celluloidrainbow

Literally every single one, every time Laila had sex, every time she flirted with a hot boy, every time she made music, every time she smiled, every moment of sexual tension between Laila and Khanum.

Up until the very last scene I would have said that my favorite moment was when Laila is dancing with her family the night she leaves for NYU. It’s just so full of warmth, and love, and joy it made me so happy. But then.

BUT THEN I GOT TO THE LAST SCENE, WHERE LAILA TAKES HERSELF OUT ON A DATE AND I BURST IN TO TEARS!

Hands down that is my favorite moment. Laila looks absolutely stunning with a new hairdo, and a fancy dress, and she’s sitting in front of a mirror, cheersing her reflection with her margarita with a straw. It made me so happy, this understanding that Laila loves herself, and is committing to loving herself. GOD IT’S SO GOOD AND KALKI WHO PLAYS LAILA HAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SMILE AND HER EYE SHINE IS OFF THE CHARTS AMD GAH IT’S UTTER PERFECTION.

Favorite Quote

Again, I have a couple. Laila, upon having her professor say he found someone to type for her: “Actually, I can ty-” *sees the hot boy that would be typing for her* “That would be wonderful”. Yeah girl, get it.

Laila, trying to come out to her mother: “Mom, I’m bi,” // Her mother: “Am I any less of a bai (maid)?” Ah good old multilingual problems used for comedic effect.

But, ultimately, I had to settle on:

“This is scary for me. It’s wonderful, but so scary,”

Because, I love me a good, candid conversation around how it feels to be queer, to embrace that queerness, and to know that eventually you will have to share that queerness with others (aka potentially come out to your parents). I also love it because I didn’t really see a struggle for self-acceptance around Laila’s sexuality. She is having a good time, being cute with her girlfriend all the while she is trying to figure out what her sexuality is. I just love when I don’t have to see a character struggle with realizing they are queer, and being scared feels like a natural part of being queer, and having to acknowledge that queerness to others, especially if you don’t know how they are going to react is, can confirm, terrifying.

Score

10/10

this is my favorite film in the syllabus thus far.

#queer cinema syllabus #margarita with a straw #everyone should watch this movie

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