#everyday I get the shakes
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everyday I am reminded that OH MY FUCK OH MY GOD OH MY FUCKING GOD PLEASE NO NO NO NO NO NO!
PLEASE GOD NO, I CAN'T SURIVE THAT PLEASE GOD NO NO NO NO!
#-pop#I am ACAB bc I know I will be thrown in prison no mercy for literally nothing#yes this is some piracy vague posting#thank fuck this isn't 2008#everyday I get the shakes#and the paranoia's bc those fuckers are insane. anti-FBI over here purely on the grounds they are hypocrites and also suck ass#fix the copyright laws motherfuckers please#if they wanna sue me for all I got? I got fuckin' 200 dollars and zero income#I have never had a income.#yay
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real talk, yassen is insane for only sleeping 4 hours every 24 hours. baby that is not enough sleep. i know you're like peak health or whatever but that's only enough sleep to live, not thrive. how are you awake and alert everyday. whats wrong with you.
#i want to put him in a jar and shake him#i want to study him under a microscope#but for real adult humans need like a minimum of 7-9 hours of sleep to function properly#im not saying its not possible to live on 4 hours of sleep a day#but i am saying that i dont think the benefits outweigh the cons#maybe im just very defensive about getting a good amount of sleep everyday bc if i only slept 4 hours a day i would start biting people#and ripping doors off their hinges and punching holes into walls#i wanted to scream every time yassen mentioned he only sleeps 4 hours every night#russian roulette#yassen gregorovich#alex rider
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I think for most people it went:
Percy Jackson -> Greek Mythology -> Epic: The Musical
But somehow for me it was:
Epic: The Musical -> Percy Jackson -> Greek Mythology
#I've read the first book years ago but didn't have the motivation to continue#and now I have a new hyperfixation#and I mean a HYPERFIXATION#I can't stop thinking about pjo it's a problem#do you ever want to do something but you're too excited to do the said thing that by the time you actually get to do it#it is physically painful and you can't stop stimming and your heart beat goes crazy and you SHAKE WITH EXCITEMENT#that's me with reading pjo#I also recently listened ONLY epic the musical for 8 hours straight everyday for four days straight so#do you guys know that one 3.5 hour video about the whole greek mythology on youtube#that has been really useful#anyway real tags now#epic the troy saga#epic the cyclops saga#epic the ocean saga#epic the musical#epic the circe saga#percy jackson#percy jackson and the olympians#peter johnson#rick riordan#pjo
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First kiss <3
#qeyond sucks#birthdaymassacre#beyond birthday#naomi misora#misora massacre#puts them in my mouth and shakes my head like a dog#GOD I LOVE THEM#played with a line filter and OH MY GOD? love it? hope yall like it too >:3c#okay okay okay but the color gradients!!! i see naomi as a purple and B is red of course#and i really wanted them to both be their own colors and have B's red bleeeeeed into naomi and like slowly take over her purple#UGH god#now why does B even have his eyes open in the last you ask? is it cuz hes just a lil weird guy? well kinda#more so its disbelief that a) someone he admires so much is actually giving him real human affection#and b) well i mean hes reminded every single second of everyday that everyone around him is gonna die so hes making sure shes real and#also not going to fucking die by kissing him or something because for real this guy believes hes just cursed and not human#he gets close to ppl and they die horribly ... cough A cough...#anyway enjoy these as you want either way <3#death note#art#q art
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birthdays are so great i feel so loved they almost make me forget that I want to kill myself next year
#omg kiera no one cares#NOT TO BE DEPRESSING I'M NOT I'M REALLY HAPPY TODAY#but it's like oh no the horrors of aging and being an adult and jobs and life and i hate it vs#YIPPEE DAY ALL ABOUT ME EVERYONE LOVES ME YIPPEE YAHOO I'M THE MOST SPECIAL KID IN THE WORLD!!!#like i keep giggling and jumping and shaking my hands cause I'm so happy and excited i wish birthdays were like everyday#or at least 2 a year so we don't get sick of them immediately
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I feel so completely new and yet here I am back posting to tumblr. Why does this feel like it will never end?
#I mean some life updates are I moved to Australia and got a gf#I’m over a year clean of self harm yet I still can’t shake the ed thoughts#even the urge to cut is coming back with the stress of the end of the year#the fact the cheese puff will be back in the American office is horrifying too#I’m not even American I’m from Canada but that’s far too close for comfort#I feel like moving to Europe or back to nz/Australia is seeming sweeter everyday#my partner is Aussie so it could be a way to claim asylum if shit gets too bad#I hate that I even have to think of this
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on what account do your base your idea of yourself on? do you base it on your past actions, thoughts, ideas? how far back? do you account for how you have changed? do you base it on what you are doing in your day to day? I force myself to be brave. does that mean I am brave? am I simply feigning the personality of bravery? or is that what a brave person is to begin with? what is a brave person? say your current actions conflict past actions, but you feel your current actions (positive, negative, or neutral) don’t reflect you. what is “you” ? how are you defining you? for how long can you continue with your current actions before your past actions become irrelevant?
#example: you have to get up early everyday for your job/school/etc but you like to sleep in. you consider yourself a nocturnal person#but it’s hard for your body to keep up with staying up late so you begin waking up early consistently - even on the weekends. you naturally#do it and never sleep in anymore#would you still consider yourself a night owl#even though you mentally know that in the past you liked to sleep in - there is no new evidence to back up that you are in fact a night owl#your current actions say you like to wake up early#i feel like it always boils down to the question of: are you your actions or your thoughts#am i brave because I carry out brave actions? I am a cowardice at heart.. but none of my actions say that. but do they have to?#am I a brave cowardice then? shaking as I reach every goal#is it possibly to exist as both? should it be possible to only exist as one?#drives me nuts to think about this kinda stuff. it’s why I hate filling out that mbti test#am I answering these questions based off of past actions that I may or may not identify with anymore if I don’t have a recent example?#if I don’t go out how can I answer social questions? if I do go out because I didn’t leave my house for 2 years and am catching up on all#the social time I missed BUT it still feels out of character for me - how do I answer??#they ask for my actions I can give them my actions but the lack of asking my feelings and vice versa is what gets to me#I have to end this cause I can seriously go on forever
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..
#what does it mean if you keep waking up with your heart racing painfully and you're shaking and panicked like every morning? :'(#even when you don't remember having a nightmare or a big upset right before falling asleep#and not even like something big and scary happening today :( i'm visiting friends i miss and im on speaking terms with all my loved ones :(#also feeling very fatigued and tired :( have i been having nightmares even on the nights i don't remember them?#i've been getting adequate lengths of sleep... is my body still thinking it's in crisis mode when i wake up? :(#i know probably nobody can help or knows the answer but i'll give it a shot anyway#also every single morning it takes an hour or two or three for specifically frankie to calm down and not be um :'(#like very angry and defensive and hurt and paranoid and stuff and it seems he always needs time and caffeine to help him calm down#and tobacco now too but i'm starting to get really worried about our health in general about all of this :'(#we've always had a really hard time eating any food before four hours after waking up is it something to do with that?#thank you for reading and listening to anyone who made it this far i don't want my headmate and i to experience morning scaries everyday :')#my post
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THE MORE YOU WORK OUT THE FASTER YOU'LL FEEL THE EUPHORIA FROM ST4RVING!!!
#meanspø#I'VE BEEN WORKING OUT 1-2 HOURS EVERYDAY FOR 3 MONTHS AND EVERY NIGHT BEFORE BED I GET THAT EUPHORIC FEELING#The shaking and stomach growling >>>>#best feeling EVER#me talk#@tw edd#stuff for me
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the realest statement about fandoms nowadays is: you guys would never survive a day during 1D’s peak
#I was a directioner and I was on the trenches on a daily basis are you kidding#justin stans too nowadays I see some of them and they are more chill but I remember the cold war they had with directioners#everything from the media behavior towards artists to albums leaking everything#harry stans nowadays treat him like a fucking baby you would be shaking and crying back in 2019#and the ones who live through his gfs and get so offended if someone say they don’t care about them the reaction to the winter girlfriend#would get you all to have mental breakdowns and writing rants everyday#and don’t even get me started on being a Lana and Taylor stan back then#that’s why I think most people who were there during those times nowadays simply don’t care we already got it all out of our system#now is just vibes#b talks
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i see we are going to the haircare school of swamp
new york rangers @ florida panthers game 3 | 5.26.24
#ryan lomberg#florida panthers#2324#playoffs 24#hes just has such gorgeous hair#not to baseball on the hockey sideblog but like you know how everyone was wondering about marshys (phillies) haircare routine#and then cut to a video of him just pouring bottles of water on his hair and shaking like a dog in the dugout as he makes demonic noises#and its him doing this... during a rain delay...#and then it gets worse because we found out he doesnt like brushing his hair#and this is all to say the most gorgeous men have the wackiest hair routines and i fear to know lombos#swamp hair? mans said let me dip into the everglades real quick#everyday i think about how fucking close sunrise is to the everglades like what the fuck
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he goes on to say “If we do not oppose [eroticism] we must no longer consider it objectively as something outside ourselves”.
my twin’s thesis
“hot girl relishes in gore and grotesque visions b/c they know that to be alive is to be disgusting and to be disgusting is to, be close to god, thank you”. Yah Yah Scholfield, [posted on their tumblr “fluoresensitive”]
“Filth is God. God is Filth”. “through disease, through rot we reach God”. CUPIDCORE, unreleased [both]
“The sanitization of simply being is criminal and routinely results in dangerous consequences— I am human; with a body capable of repulsive things— still taboo to speak about even though we all experience ~bodily functions. Gross is godly for grime is real, true, raw” o.o mim, copied from an ask pending to be sent. yes, i even have draft text messages <3
“God rapidly and almost entirely loses his terrifying features, his appearance as a decomposing cadaver, in order to become, at the final stage of degradation, the simple (paternal) sign of universal homogeneity”. Georges Bataille, “The Use Value of D. A. F. de Sade (An Open Letter to My Current Comrades)” in Visions of Excess (Translation by Allan Stoekl)
“And what could be more terrifying and beautiful, to souls like the Greeks or our own, than to lose control completely? To throw off the chains of being for an instant, to shatter the accident of our mortal selves? Euripides speaks of the Maenads: head thrown I back, throat to the stars, ‘more like deer than human being’. To be absolutely free! One is quite capable, of course, of working out these destructive passions in more vulgar and less efficient ways. But how glorious to release them in a single burst! To sing, to scream, to dance barefoot in the woods in the dead of night, with no more awareness of mortality than an animal! These are powerful mysteries. The bellowing of bulls. Springs of honey bubbling from the ground. If we are strong enough in our souls we can rip away the veil and look that naked, terrible beauty right in the face; let God consume us, devour us, unstring our bones. Then spit us out reborn”. Donna Tartt, “The Secret History”
“we are flesh, it is unjust to pretend flesh does not rot”. O.O Mim, “A letter to my Anhedönia”
“The first thing God made is love then comes blood and the thirst for blood”. George Seferis, translated by Edmund Keeley, from Collected Poems; “Stratis Thalassinos Among the Agapanthi”
then he hits us with this
like… let me kiss you with tongue but you can’t go around saying that bae, or liberals on twitter will cancel us 💔
#evidence of life#alexandria froze over#i didn’t get to rid much this morning because i had an appointment 9:00 am and i still have a lot to do if i am to be ready for tomorrow#read*#I’m shaking more the usual everyday shakes like I’ve press the wrong these many times already today *waluigi voice* wahhh#wrong BUTTONS* so you’re seeing this in real time#please credit the quotes if using#<- I don’t wanna say that every book club post but I am paranoid <3
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well. now that cricket has better litter box there’s less litter in the bathroom .
#I got her a stainless steel one with higher walls for like $20 and it’s working good I think#but it’s only been a week so we will see#she doesn’t track aLOT of litter but she is a hairy kitty so sometimes it gets stuck on her and she shakes it off outside of the box#and then I have to vacuum the bathroom like everyday#gwon
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Hearing Hbomberguy was working on rwby 2 electric boogaloo got a fire under my ass and I am cranking on this essay. Gotta say, I'm funny as fuck
#rwde#genuinely cannot wait to edit this to video. its my favorite part of the whole shebang#glad he's delaying his essay to gather the whole story on rt. super excited to see how everything shakes out#really hoping rt crumbles under the weight of its sins#and im kinda hoping that he'll see my video and reconsider his stance on adam#if he hasnt already. it has been 3 years and he probs got a lot of feedback already on some of the mistakes and misconceptions#either way that bits going in the conclusion bc its part of the reason i started this essay and that video got me into rwby in the 1st place#if any of yall would be open to going over the script and making sure im not putting my foot in my mouth id appreciate the help#hopefully im getting close to having it done. might take longer if work continues to fuel my brain fog machine#*lmao voice* everyday im suffering *beat drop*
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So I jsut watched a summary video of a quiet place parts I and II and now I really wanna make a quiet place au for one of my fandoms but I’d have to do a LOT of research first that… plus I already have a zombie au (I’m way too obsessed with post apocalyptic worlds)
#a quiet place#why is it so cool tho#I really wanna watch the movies now#but I’m too pussy to not get scared#plus I don’t have anyone to watch it with#I watched the opening scene for part II#and it freaked me out with how loud they were being#but they weren’t being loud that was just the normal everyday volume#slamming the car door#shaking a plastic bag#whistling to a dog#it’s honestly terrifying how loud people are at a normal volume#humanity would fucked if a quiet placed actually happened
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I want to let the social anxiety win and disappear sometimes. Some more than others
#buzgie ❁#personal post#i dont think people get what its like to have pathological social anxiety#everything in life revolves talking to random people and i just cant do it#do you know what its like to get so socially anxious it's delusional or psychotic?#do you know what it's like to think every laugh in the building is making fun of you? hallucinating your name in strangers conversations?#tryimg to see a doctor and thinking that theyre leaving the room just to make fun of you with the entire staff team?#randomly remembering an awkward interaction with someone and hyperventilating and shaking without even realizing?#needing to stop and catch your breath because you remembered leaving a reddit comment earlier and youre terrified people will dogpile you#over something benign?#earlier i went to move my grocery cart twice and accidentally blocked someones way and just thinking about it to type it up makes me start#shaking and hyperventilating and tensing up and shit#do you know what its like for every awkward interaction to affect you like that? every day of your life?#it's an everyday thing#i dont get a break from this except for when i dont have social interactions
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