#everybody still says craic

[reincarnated70sbaby]

maritime madness

led zeppelin x reader

warnings: swearing, drug use

an: so I was sailing yesterday and I was thinking about this the entire time I might have nearly capsized the boat

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“I can’t believe we’re actually doing this” I spoke, staring out at the large blue yacht that rested on the waters of Normandy. It all started the day before, when we were all throwing around tripped out ideas in our hotel room.

“What are we gonna do tomorrow?” Jimmy asked. I sat by his side, my head resting on his bony shoulder. My dose of LSD had just kicked it, and as it was my first time it probably hit me quicker than the others. I tried to speak, but it felt like every time I moved my mouth, it felt like I would stretch my mouth out of shape, like putty.

“Let’s go explore that cathedral, the big massive one, y’know? The one with the hunchback. Maybe we could bump into him or something”

As soon as the words left Robert’s lips, our entire entourage burst out in giggles. I myself, was having hard time controlling my breathing. I had to rest my head in Jimmy’s lap, Jimmy being doubled down over me clutching his stomach.

“Percy, you dumb fucker, y-you know that’s not a real story” Jonesy informed, all his words all broken up by loud chuckles.

Roberts jaw immediately dropped open in shock, along with his eyes widening and brown trashing in confusion.

“Nah, yeah it was, the uh, the hunchman did the um, bells. Yeah, the bells”

“No he didn’t, because he never existed you nonce. It’s a fairytale from the 19th century” Jimmy piped in, adding his extensive knowledge of mythology and folklore into the conversation.

“But me ma said he existed, you’re gonna say my mum lied to me all those years?”

“Well obviously Perce, it’s just a bedtime story” Jonesy added, still chuckling to himself at Robert’s gullible nature.

“Fine then, someone else give an idea since all of mine always get ridiculed” Robert stated, crossing his arms and craning his head back against the footboard of the bed and staring at the ceiling in a huff.

“How about Père Lachaise?”

“What the actual fuck is pear la chair Pagey?” Bonzo asked, pronouncing the words all wrong in his thick Englishman accent.

“It’s Père Lachaise” Jimmy corrected in a perfect French accent, “and it’s a graveyard in Paris, loads of famous people are buried there - Oscar Wilde, Frederic Chopin, Jim Morrison, Edith Piaf”

“Jimmy you must be as mad as Morrison to think we would waste our day off in a fucking dead person museum. Jesus Christ how did we pick you up” Bonzo sighed, rolling his eyes.

“Okay, what about Mont Saint-Michel? It’s this cool island off of the coast. There’s a bridge but once the tide comes in you can’t get in or out. Wouldn’t that be good craic eh?” Jonesy suggested

“No” Bonzo, Jimmy and Robert all said at the same time.

“Ah! You’ve been outnumbered Mr Jones haha. Maybe you and I could go out another time Jonny boy, we could go exploring and see the spirits trapped on the island” I said with a chuckle, the psychedelic in my system making this whole situation very funny.

“Jesus Christ what the fuck did she even say. That her first time on acid?” Robert asked to Jimmy.

“Must’ve been, it hit her pretty quickly” Jimmy replied, staring into my largely dilated pupils. He swore he could’ve seen something dancing in my pupils, but maybe that was just the drug in him.

We all sat in silence for a couple minutes, all of us enjoying our high.

“Innnnnnnnnnnnnnn fourteen hundred ninety two, Columbus sailed the ocean blueeee” I sang, the lyrics being the only words of a song I could think of to fill the silence. A beat of silence passed and I wondered if everybody suddenly passed out, either into sleep or another dimension.

As I started the next line, everyone else joined in with me. We eventually finished the entire song, even an encore requested by the boys. I sung the encore in a horrendous, deep operatic voice while prancing round the hotel room. A round of applause sounded, and I took my theatrical bows in front of my supportive crowd.

“That’s It! I know what we can do tomorrow. God that is a good idea!” Bonzo declared, jumping up to his feet, not before nearly tumbling backwards.

“Go on then Bonz, don’t leave us guessing mate” Jonesy suggested, breaking the dramatic silence that had ensued.

“Rent a yacht! We can go out early in the morning and stay overnight since our flight back home is in the evening anyway! All we need to do is hire a skipper or something”

We all were stoked at idea of having a private boat to ourselves. Sure, none of the boys were experienced sailors, but that’s what a professional skipper was for, driving rich people around in yachts right?

“Do we really have to do this” I said, making our way through the marina to our yacht.

“The skipper will probably dive off the boat when we get started tonight” Jonesy commented, sharing my lack of enthusiasm for the maritime adventure. “We should have ditched them and gone to Mont Saint-Michel”. I only hummed in response, dragging my overnight suitcase over the gaps in the planks of wood on the dock.

“Um yeah, about that skipper. We couldn’t exactly book one on such short notice” Cole confessed.

“What the actual fuck Cole? Are we just supposed to sail ourselves and drown? I can’t tie a knot to save my bloody life” Robert shrieked. We all stopped in our tracks and turned to the tour manager, glaring at him through our sunglasses.

“Of course not Percy, why would we do that to our cash cows hm? And this is a motorboat, no ropes involved. It’s basically like driving a car. In water. In fact, all you need to drive it is a drivers license, which I’m positive you all have judging by your expansive car choices. Forgot to mention that myself and Peter have opted out” With that note, Cole dropped the yacht keys into Bonzo’s hand and scuttled away.

We all stood there, bags in hand, confusion over our faces as we watched Cole’s figure disappear behind the hundred of other boats.

“Well shit” Jonesy said, the sourness in his voice barely hidden.

“Let’s just go check it out, we don’t even have to leave the marina if we can drive it, we’ll just park out all night” Bonzo affirmed, being unusually optimistic.

We all found the boat and as the boys started embarking aboard, I thought out loud.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this”

“Cmon darling, let’s just see what it’s like. If you hate it we’ll do something else” Jimmy compromised, outstretching his hand to me.

The boat bobbed a bit on the water as I stepped on.

“It’s not hating it I’m worried about, I was practically raised on a boat Jim, I’m just not sure 4 rockstars and a boat is a great combination”

“It’s okay we won’t go too hard, at least one of us won’t, I guess. Anyway, you were raised on a boat? Like a houseboat or something?”

“No, my dad was a skipper. Whenever he was home from trips, he would teach my and my siblings to sail. Y’know the whole nine yards, all the different knots, pulling in the ropes, steering, navigating charts. It’s just been a while since I’ve been on one and I hope I can remember everything”

“Gosh you are fabulous, my dear, I learn something new about you everyday” Jimmy said, pulling me in for a kiss. There was a loud bang of the engine, which we both jumped apart at.

“What the fuck are they at now, Christ” Jimmy sighed.

“Here, go set down our stuff in the biggest room, I’ll go see what they’re messing with”

We both parted, Jimmy heading downstairs, myself climbing onto the helm.

“Oi, Bonz, Percy, step away from the wheel until I get us out of this parking lot” I commanded. Both Robert and Bonzo looked at me funny, before slowly raising their arms and stepping away.

“And you know better?” Bonzo asked, still not sure where my bossiness came from.

“I think I do, unless you have your skipper license on hand?”

“Wait, you have a sailing license?” Robert interjected.

“I actually don’t, but I know everything you need to not drown. My father was a sailor and he taught me how to run a boat. Thank god we have a motorboat, as we might’ve been a little trouble if we have a proper sailing yacht. If we were, it wouldn’t have been as relaxing as simply steering a wheel” I answered, switching the engine on.

We warmed up the engine for a couple minutes, then casted off and finally escaped the madness of the marina. Soon were out on the French coastline. We continued sailing perpendicular to the coast, not wanting to stray too far. All the boys took turns steering, with Jonesy being the best skipper in-training out of all of them. Only once had we had anchored the boat again was the real party going to start.

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if only sailing was this easy in reality 😒

anyway I’m gonna do a spicier part 2 riiight now😎

leave any comments/ideas down below!!!!

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tag list : @rebel-without-a-zeppelin @princesspagey @dreamersdrowse

[thomcantsleep]

My Relationship with Twitter

C/W: R/W Conspiracy Theories

I recently left Twitter for what is probably the tenth time I would’ve said. I also would’ve said that my reasons for leaving each time were the near enough the same.

Simply being on it, through one way or another, drives me up the wall.

This time though, I feel like I’ve properly re-evaluated my relationship with Twitter and come to real conclusions about the reality of the kind of place that it is.

It’s been fairly recent that Twitter has properly blown up into the monster that it is and it coincides with Facebook becoming uncool which I would’ve said to be around 2015 or 2016 at a guesstimate. i’ve been in an on-again/off-again relationship with the blue bird since 2012 when I was thirteen which is not a great age to be on it now. It wasn’t really a problem back then though because no-one used it. If you look at tweets from 2012 from major brands, you’d struggle to find a post that reached 300 likes. Celebrities might not get to 300 retweets whereas now, the likes of BTS easily clock 100k RTs and gobble half a million likes for breakfast.

I’m not one for crowded places for a start. I’m susceptible to a sudden wave of extreme and overwhelming self-consciousness which is otherwise known as a panic attack and only a couple of things activate it. Heterosexual nightclubs or vulnerability in an online space although I’ve been far better in recent years. Essentially, I get too emotionally invested in something publically and I walk in on myself and see all these eyes staring at me so I clam up. That’s one thing about Twitter that frightens me.

Something that I used to thrive on but have since rejected was pointing at conspiracy subscribers and laughing but, living in this current world, it isn’t really something that you can laugh about anymore. It’s just a downer never mind it being a broken record. There’s only so much material you can wring out of them before you find yourself alone in your house being angry at an invisible person with a bunch of numbers in their handle and an egg for a face. Whilst scrolling through Twitter, anything could be delivered to you and often, you don’t have any control over it.

Sometimes, you do have complete control. I have no idea why I have an impulse to open a reply section when I know exactly what will be inside it and that’ll definitely set me off for the rest of the day. If you don’t use Twitter or that you don’t use it that often, you might say “Well, it’s easy to just block or mute words or phrases”

Here’s the funny thing.

Twitter will do it’s best to make sure you see it anyway. It not being the specific post or person but the same sort of thing whether you like it or not because Twitter is supposed to be for everybody. You can not escape.

For context, I muted over 200 words or phrases and blocked over 600 accounts. Twitter encourages you to have arguments with people or come out with controversial hot takes so you can rack up the twat points and that can’t be healthy can it?

I don’t like having arguments and I never have. They almost never go anywhere or lead to any conclusion and just leave me feeling cold. Whenever I get into any slight disagreement on Twitter, I just feel frustrated because it’s no place to be having a nuanced discussion about anything. You start treating debate like firing missiles in a battlefield because you have to pick what bases you want to cover, how you want to make sense of it all and how it is explained clearly for the recipient so you can achieve a victory. The moment you click send, you have to start preparing your rebuttal because the other person is already preparing their counter-strike.

Why? Who gives a fuck? Who are these people? Why do we insist on combative conversation?

It’s the same reason why I don’t bother responding to people on this website messaging me calling me a cunt because I didn’t like Life Is Strange. What’s the best that they are hoping for? It’s the same on Twitter, same anywhere.

The reason why I like Instagram and that I’ve never fallen out with it is that it doesn’t really suggest conversation of any kind. It’s not the primary focus of the app (outside of the gathering of data), the primary focus is for looking at whatever images you like. It definitely does have it’s harmful side if you follow a great gambit of influencers but, unlike Twitter, if you don’t follow them, you won’t know they exist. I just follow my friends to see the serene scenes of their jogs up to Loch Lomond or walking their dogs in the Argyll country. Folk are generally happier on Instagram and they aren’t likely to post paragraphs of their thoughts and opinions on the new Zack Snyder movie. It’s comforting to be on it.

Because Twitter can make you laugh now and again, you want to stick around for the craic so you forget about all the times you’ve seen the same joke repeated. This does have a bit to do with how I’ve became sick of Twitter as well. I find that good jokes on Twitter get ruined immediately with either folk stealing it, rehashing it or repackaging it because, as per discussed, everyone is looking for the high score that’ll get them a pocket pussy sponsorship or whatever. So no meme is safe from being butchered and bastardized by someone who has “Turn Notifications On” in their bio. Not to sound like your grandad but it does feel like you’re living in an echo chamber - an echo chamber of crap patter.

The best part is that you can’t “mute” an image so you can’t see that fucking annoying lord of the rings meme template often enough.

Long story short; that’s why I’ve stopped using Twitter.

I still have a Twitter account though that has been privated for the moment but it’s just so I can post the new Tumblr posts to let folk know what I’m up to. If I have any updates about the books that I’ve got in the cannon then I’ll tweet a wee thing saying what I’m doing. But then I get the fuck out of there because scrolling down is practically an addiction and I need to get to sleep at night.

[morwensteelsheen]

Can't recall if you've answered this but any headcanons on Faramir's relationship with Imrahil and the other Dol Amroth family members? And just what would they make of him having a fear of the ocean as you've mentioned before?

Oh yeah so I did a bit of that here under the guise of Éowyn, so if it sounds like I’m sort of repeating things that’s why. Here’s Faramir’s side —

Lothíriel

 I’m going to start with her because I think she’s my most controversial take. I don’t really see her as this firebrand as I think the general fanon interpretation is. Instead, I sort of envision her as similar to Finduilas in that she’s a bit more Content with the state of the world and her relationship to it than e.g., either Éowyn or Faramir. Because of this I think Faramir always sees her very much as The Younger Cousin in a way that isn’t necessarily true for any of the Dol Amroth youths. I think he’s maybe a bit conflicted about her marrying Éomer, though largely because I see that as a political marriage whereas he and Éowyn just aren’t. And I think because obviously Éomer and Aragorn are so close, he sees Éomer in the same age bracket (if that’s even possible with these Númenórean weirdos) and not so much with Lothíriel. I don’t think they have a hugely close relationship, but I think the common fanon interpretation that they’re both really into music is delightful and something I sign up to very happily. I think largely they’re maybe not as close as some portrayals (including some of my own) show them. That said, I think they do have a lot of similarities, and I think the people that come to their family dynamic late (Éowyn, Éomer, Aragorn) see it more clearly than they do. I think Lothíriel is more given to that sort of old-world longing that Faramir is, though maybe not in as overtly an intellectual way, and I think she certainly figured herself as a guardian of certain moral and political norms, which Faramir definitely does. Still, Faramir’s like a year away from entering the army (in my HC) by the time she’s born, and that plus the inevitable gendered divisions means they’re maybe not super close. Éowyn’s latter day relationship with Lothíriel certainly changes that though, and this is not to say that they’re exactly distant. They’re just not besties.

Amrothos

I didn’t actually realise this was a controversial take until quite recently? But Amrothos is a HUGE nerd to me. He’s basically Faramir if Faramir got to play al his personality faults to the end instead of being forced to engage with reality/politics as they really are. And not that Faramir exactly does that a huge amount pre-death of everybody he loves, but Amrothos really doesn’t have to do it. Actually in a lot of ways Amrothos is my shameless self insert whenever I write in that he’s a huge dweeb who isn’t super interested or capable of interacting with other people and mostly self isolates. I like Altariel’s interpretation (on AO3) that he’s there for the Osgiliath bridge but in my HC he’s way, way more sheltered than that. It’s no knock on him, I think in a lot of ways he ends up acting as a brilliant bridge between the Third and Fourth Ages aa someone who remembers the war but isn’t necessarily scarred or made cynical by it, but definitely believes more in the prosperity of peace etc. He and Faramir get on like a fucking house on fire; at first, when he’s younger, Amrothos trails Faramir like a puppy, but later once F’s been to the war, he sees Amrothos more like a touchstone and definitely does whatever he can to spend time with him.

Erchirion

lmao I love the idea of Erchirion as a huge himbo???? I’m so sorry, he’s just my Lancelot and there’s really no avoiding it. Erchirion is the embodiment of what Faramir sees Boromir as: brazen, arrogant, a bit hedonistic. To clarify, I don’t think Boromir is these things, but I absolutely think Faramir casts Boromir in those terms when he’s at his crankiest. Erchirion, however, absolutely is those things and is supa, supa proud of it. He’s definitely got the most contentious relationship with Imrahil, but I think Faramir sort of treasures his relationship with Erchirion because it gives him the chance to gently tease/chide someone who, to him, embodies Gondor’r worst excesses. Though he and Erchirion of course are similar in that they are (for their pre-war lives) both the second son and therefore largely absolved of any real responsibility, I still think there’s a bit of a gulf there in that Faramir feels like this military shit is forced onto him by circumstance whereas Erchirion kind of picks it. Still, I think it’s sort of cathartic for F to rib Erchirion and Erchirion absolutely does not give a fuck because he’s rich, good looking, and connected to hella power.

Elphir 

I think they’ve actually got the closest relationship of all of Imrahil’s kids, largely because I think Elphir’s of a similar sort of attitude to Faramir. I think Elphir’s very much been moulded in Imrahil’s likeness, and I think he’s got that sort of flamboyant charisma I imagine Imrahil to have, but it’s been way, way toned down in light of his ongoing service in the war effort (whatever that looks like). Also, he and F are quite close in age so they’ve just had more time to mellow out their relationship and sort of play the Woe Is Me, War Is Shit stuff, which really brings them together. Elphir is married and a father well in advance of Faramir, and so I think Faramir occasionally looks at Elphir and sees something of what his life might have been like. Not in a bitter or jealous way, just in a very detached, academic sense of wonder.

Imrahil

I am getting hella deja vu here because I feel like I’ve said this before but I think Imrahil’s relationship to Faramir pre, say, TA3001, is basically exclusively familial with no political edge to it. Once Faramir comes Of Age relatively speaking, I think Imrahil realises Faramir’s far more amenable to taking divergent positions from his father’s line and tries to use that to his advantage. Not in a cruel way, just in a way that’s realistic about how politics works. Sometimes F agrees, sometimes he doesn’t. Either way, that long term negotiation with his uncle re: politics means that when they get to the point of F being steward, they’ve got a really good sense of how the other works and an inarguably honest relationship. Probably bluntly so. I’ve always imagined that Imrahil is the one to break the news about Denethor’s death to Faramir and that’s as much about defending his sister’s last living son as it is about protecting the fraught political situation.

Ivriniel 

I think Faramir constantly has a similar relationship to her that a rowdy teen might have to a strict mother. I don’t think that ever changes, even when he’s literally the Steward of Gondor and, in fact, I think that brings a tremendous and invaluable sense of normalcy to both of their lives. I think F doesn’t have any strong opinions on her and Éowyn sniping at one another except that it’s good craic.

The Faramir being scared of water HC is wholesale plagiarised from @khokali but I think Imrahil, Elphir, Erchirion, as sailors of some sort or another, are all fuckin merciless about taking the piss out of Faramir for it. Amrothos is sort of ambivalent except that he thinks it’s weird that Faramir doesn’t take even a distant scholarly interest in the sea, and Lothíriel is very, very empathetic but doesn’t really outwardly argue for that. Ivriniel absolutely does not give a fuck, she has more important things to think about than children being scared of water.

Edit: I should say— after a certain age I think Faramir is (correctly) taught that his emotions are very political, and so learns to be careful about who he reveals them to and when. Unfortunately, he cops to the ocean-fear stuff when he’s a kid so that shit sticks with him for life. It’s really not until Éowyn comes along that he learns how to process emotions as not inherently a political statement and as something that can be felt and understood independently of pragmatic considerations. So the Dol Amroth mafia know about the sea-fear, but nobody else does, and for a very, very long time it’s his only ‘visible’ weakness.

[cottonpadenthusiast]

Is tú mo ghrá

Warning: Mentions of homophobia and internal homophobia

AO3

Seamus Finnigan was no stranger, no acquaintance to pain. It was not new to him, the various types of it. He had experienced them all; the sharp edging type that stabbed at your heart, the slow dull type that remained for much longer than you wished, the burning ripping one that crawled up your throat and burned in your chest.

It was the latter that Seamus felt as he stared at Dean from across The Three Broomsticks. Dean was sat with Ginny, arm slung around her should and face pressed into her hair. He whispered something into her ear. She giggled and blushed. Dean smirked.

Seamus glared into the forgotten Butterbeer in his hand and felt the fire burn in his chest. 

It seemed pain was his only friend now.

“Alright, Seamus?”

Neville’s voice shook Seamus from his thoughts as the blond boy sat opposite him at the small wooden table. The other boy’s smile was wide. Too wide.

“Aye, I’m grand,” Seamus replied, bringing his drink to his lips to drown the burning of his throat. “What’s the craic with you?”

Neville shrugged. “Nothing much. You just looked like you needed some company.”

“I’ve got a bottle of Firewhiskey in my bag, mate. What more company could I want?”

Seamus watched as Neville laughed, his shoulders rising up and down, up and down, his laughter quiet and small. It was nothing like Dean’s laugh. Dean’s laugh was loud, deep and he always clapped his hands together at least once. And no matter how much he laughed, his eyes never left yours and you could see the glee, the warmth, the happiness within them. His eyes were so full of joy you could drown in it.

Seamus had drowned a long time ago and never resurfaced.

“As much as drink is great company, I think actual human interaction is slightly more beneficial, Seamus.”

“I beg to differ.”

Neville rolled his eyes. “I came over to ask you about that Potions essay that was due. I was thinking of doing it on the preparation of Polyjuice potion compared to Amortentia but I’m not sure if that’s what Snape...”

Seamus’ focus turned from Neville, who continued to babble on about the comparisons in equipment used in brewing, to Dean.

Seamus didn’t know how long he had felt like this. Even as a child, he had paid no heed to the girl’s who played in the park near his home. He pretended he did, of course, the way he had all his life. He smiled shyly whenever his da would tease about girls in his school, he winked at his female classmates as they walked by, even kissed a few just to be safe. Just to be safe that no one that something was very wrong with him.

It was Dean that made Seamus realise that no amount of pretending could fix him. Dean with his brown curls and soft smile and little dimples. Dean who had made Seamus’ heart ache with want the moment he sat opposite him on the Hogwarts Express. Dean who was the boy that Seamus loved.

Boy. Seamus was in love with a boy.

Seamus had prayed of course. Years of Sunday Mass and lectures from his da had told him that if he prayed hard enough, God would answer him. Either he hadn’t prayed hard enough or they were all lying, because he was still broken. He still loved Dean. And no boy should ever love a boy in that way. It was unnatural. His da had told him as much.

Seamus didn’t go to Mass anymore. Nothing could save him now.

There was the pain again, blooming in Seamus’ chest. Although, this time it was the slow, deep type. The self-hatred type. The type that Seamus knew he deserved.

“You know, just because he’s with Ginny doesn’t mean he’s gonna leave you, right?”

Seamus whipped his head around to stare at Neville, who evidently had stopped talking a long time ago. The blond boy had a knowing look in his eyes that sent a bolt of fear through Seamus’ heart.

“Dean’s a good lad. He doesn’t mean any harm. He’s just a little Ginny obsessed at the moment. It will pass. But if it doesn’t, maybe have a word with him. He won’t get upset if you tell him how you’re feeling.”

Seamus glanced to Dean. His hands were cupping Ginny’s cheeks and his lips were pressing kisses to her own, tiny gentle kisses that Seamus had once dreamed of receiving. Dean was so utterly straight. And Seamus was so utterly not.

Dean wouldn’t be upset if Seamus told me his feelings.

He would be disgusted.

Seamus turned back to Neville. “Aye, I know, Nev. But there’s no point saying anything. He’s happy with her. I won’t ruin that.”

“But are you happy?” Neville’s eyes were trained on Seamus’ face, searching, looking for something Seamus would never reveal.

Seamus looked to his best friend. Somehow, his heart swelled and broke at the same time looking at that boy. He was devastatingly beautiful in a way Seamus had only ever heard of in the old Irish tales his ma told him as a child. 

Dean was a hymn that Seamus could only dream of singing.

Pain. That was something Seamus Finnigan was familiar with.

Happiness. Seamus couldn’t even call them acquaintances.

Seamus smiled ruefully. 

“Of course I’m happy, Longbottom. When am I not?”

Seamus stared blankly at the cushion in front of him. It was pink and lined with purple stitching at the side, a green clover placed in the centre, it’s four leaves moving as if swaying in the wind.

It was a bloody ugly cushion if he was honest.

“Are you going to change that into a hat or are you going to stare at it all day?”

“Oh. Yeah. Sorry,” Seamus mumbled, shaking out of his daydream and purposefully ignoring the concerned glance of the boy beside him.

Dean placed his hand gently on Seamus’ arm. “Seamus, are you alright?”

“M’fine.” Seamus shrugged Dean’s hand off, his arm on fire from where Dean’s hot touch had burned through his clothes, past his skin and seared directly onto his heart.

“It’s just... you haven’t been yourself lately.”

Seamus looked to the spell that was chalked onto the board. “How not?”

“Well, we haven’t had a proper conversation in weeks.”

“I wanted to give you space after the whole Ginny breakup thing.” Seamus lifted his wand and began practising his movements in the air.

“Space is the last thing I need right now, Seamus.” Dean’s voice was low and quiet.

Seamus gripped his wand tighter. “Well, maybe space is what I need right now.”

“What? Why would you need space?”

“Because...because-”

Dean grabbed Seamus’ shoulder and pushed so that they were facing each other. “What the hell is wrong with you, Seamus? Just tell me what’s going on. You’ve been ignoring me. You’ve been ignoring everybody. You’ve got bags under your eyes because you never sleep anymore and I can’t remember the last time you even laughed. Please. You’re my best mate. Talk to me.”

“Jesus fecking Christ, Dean. Give me a break!” Seamus shoved Dean away and lifted his wand. “Let me just do this bloody stupid spell and stop slagging me off.”

Seamus quickly spun out the wand movements and felt his magic surge through his body. All of his magic travelled to his hand and he already knew what was going to happen even before he uttered a single word of the spell.

Smoke. It was everywhere. He could feel it clogging his throat and burn his nostrils, his eyes watering from the ash filling the classroom. His ears rang slightly, dulling the shouts and laughs from the classroom to nothing until all that was left was Seamus, the smoke and the ringing in his ears.

He looked to Dean, whose hands were covering his mouth to stop him breathing in the smoke. It reminded Seamus of the incense they burned at Mass. He could almost smell it now, the warm, thick scent of it, filling the church as he received the holy communion from the hands of Father Fergus. He had kneeled down after in his stall and prayed that his sins would be forgiven. 

But no bread of life could salvage him. No prayers nor confessions could make up for his sins. He was damned for he worshipped a different god.

He worshipped Dean.

“MR FINNIGAN!” McGonagall’s voice dragged Seamus back into focus. It came from behind the cloud of smoke, which suddenly disappeared to reveal a classroom of giggling teenagers and her glare directed right at Seamus.

God, he hated himself.

“Please, for the love of Merlin, think about a spell before you cast it, Mr Finnigan.”

“Yes, Professor.” Seamus was only thankful that the ash on his face covered his burning cheeks.

“Mr Thomas, go help Seamus clean himself up. I’ll get rid of the mess you made.”

“Yes, Professor,” Dean mumbled as Seamus shoved past him. Seamus was out into the corridor and running to the common room even before Dean had picked up his bags.

It was there again. The pain. The stabbing type that caused broken sobs to rip from Seamus’ throat. His vision was blurry with the tears that seared down his face as he ran and ran and ran, ignoring Dean’s shouts from far behind.

The wrongness of his existence was like a knife to his heart and all he could do was bleed.

He reached the dorm and fell to his knees by the window. The rain thudded against the glass in heavy droplets as he clenched his shaking hands together and closed his eyes. The taste of salt from his tears filled his mouth.

Seamus prayed.

He begged and implored with rushed whispered pleads that he wouldn’t be like this anymore, that he wouldn’t be wrong and shameful and in love with a boy. He prayed that his da would never find out and that his ma would never have to hide her son, her gay son.

He begged that, through his choked sobs, God would answer his prayers.

“Seamus...” 

Dean’s voice cut through Seamus’ whispers like a blade and he whipped around, stumbling as he rose and pressed his back against the wall. 

“Dean. Go.” Seamus’ heavy pants echoed around the room, his cheeks soaked with his own tears.

Their eyes met. Seamus’ own heavenly hell was within those brown eyes.

“No.”

Seamus swallowed. “Please.”

“No.” Dean stepped closer.

“Please, Dean. Please go.” Seamus' voice cracked and he collapsed onto the floor. His body shook with empty sobs.

Pain coursed through him, swallowing him whole. This pain could not be categorised, not defined. It was all and everything. It was him.

“Seamus. Fuck.” Dean swiftly knelt down beside Seamus and wrapped his arms around him, holding him against his chest.

The comfort Seamus felt in those arms was pain in itself.

“Seamus...please. Tell me what’s going on.”

Seamus closed his eyes tight shut, allowing himself, this once, to feel. To feel the soft thud of Dean’s heart against his chest and to know it like his own. To feel Dean’s arms around him and imagine that he woke up in those arms every day. To feel Dean’s love and pretend it was just for him.

Just Seamus and Dean. Nothing more.

“I’m in love with you,” Seamus whispered, voicing the words he had mouthed to Dean’s head in class, the words he had mumbled in Irish to Dean’s sleeping form, the words that had haunted him for three years.

Pain gripped his soul.

Dean’s breath stopped. He stood up, away from Seamus. “What?”

“I’m in love with you.” Seamus croaked, staring at the ground. “I love you like a guy loves a girl. But I’m a guy...and you’re a guy. And I still love you.”

Dean’s silence was suffocating.

“I don’t want this. I’ve done everything, Dean. Everything. I tried so many spells and potions and nothing worked. Nothing worked. And I still feel this way. I’m wrong. I’m disgusting and I need to find something, anything to stop this. I’m so sorry.”

The only sound was the pattering of the rain and the hard thudding of Seamus’ heart.

“You love me like a man loves a man.”

Seamus’ head shot up. “What?”

“Not like a man loves a woman. You love me like a man loves a man. And I love you like a man loves a man.”

Seamus’ heart stopped.

Dean bent down and wiped a tear from Seamus’ face. “You’ve still got ash all over your face,” he whispered, smiling as a single tear rolled down his own cheek.

“You... you love me?” The pain in Seamus’ chest was gone, replaced by a loud, shaky hope that bloomed like the tulips that his mam always planted in spring.

“Of course I do. And there is nothing wrong or disgusting or evil about that, Seamus. A man loving a man is as right and beautiful as a man loving a woman. And no matter what your dad or your religion says, nothing will change how much I am in love with you and how right that is.”

Seamus didn’t know what came over him in that moment, but suddenly he was pressing his lips against Dean’s and kissing him in the way he thought he never would, in a way so full of love and joy and relief that both of their cheeks were stained with tears as they pulled away.

“Yer a dipshit, you know that?” Seamus laughed, as Dean pressed kisses up and down his neck and held him so close that Seamus could barely breathe.

Seamus did not know that kissing could feel like this, like the world no longer existed and all that was left was him and Dean and this heaven.

Dean smiled against his neck. Seamus already adored that feeling. “Why?”

“Because you waited six years to snog me and then did it when I look like I’ve just walked through a volcanic explosion.”

“You’ve never looked better.”

“Bastard.”

Dean snorted and Seamus lifted his head to see the glow in the brown eyes that always came when he laughed. He had missed looking at that. He had missed Dean more than he could ever admit.

Dean brushed a stray lock of hair from Seamus’ eyes. “Please talk to me if you ever feel like that again. You don’t deserve to hurt alone.”

“I will. It’s just been a rough few months.”

“I’m so sorry, Seamus. How did I not see? I was such an idiot and you were hurting and I did nothing.”

Seamus cupped Dean’s cheek. “Hey, that’s not your fault. My shitty feelings are my problem, not yours. I should have spoken to you earlier but I was scared. I still am. The thought of telling my da...”

“We don’t have to tell him until you’re ready. And if you do, I’ll be right by your side. As for everyone else, we can wait until we’re ready but I know they will all be supportive of us. But you’ll always have me. Always.”

Seamus sighed, leaning his head against Dean’s chest. “Is tú mo ghrá.”

“What?”

Seamus closed his eyes and smiled, allowing the soft drum of Dean’s heart to fill his head and soul.

“I love you,” he whispered and fell asleep feeling, for the first time, free.

~~~~~~

I just wanted to say that this fic really means a lot to me and writing it was an amazing experience. As an Irish person myself, I am very familiar with a lot of the topics explored in this and I really loved being able to use my own slang in this lol. I really hoped you enjoyed this and let me know if you want me to do more deamus fics xx

[writingguardian]

Writing a story based in Ireland

Writers often turn to where the base their story to try and give it more vibrancy, and with a rich culture, Ireland is often the choice. This post will tell you everything you need to know about basing your story in IRELAND.

I’m Irish and living in Ireland. If anybody wants to do one of these for their country, please do! And tag me, @writingguardian

Geography - 

Ireland is an Island in the Atlantic Ocean, between the Americas and Great Britain. It is divided between the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland (more about this under history.)

There are 4 provinces - Leinster, Munster, Ulster, and Connacht, and 32 counties.

The capital city is Dublin. Also note - Cork and Galway City, as well as Belfast. You can get to any location in the country within 6 hours, max. It’s great.

Over West the land is of lower quality, think boggy and rocky. East and South famous for farming,

Climate 

Ireland has a temperate oceanic climate, and VERY changeable weather. We seem to get a lot of rain. It rains more in the West than in the the East.

Native Species - There are a good few, but think Irish Hare, Irish Setter, and the infamous Connemara pony.

History

The history is very rich and very long. Our Neolithic monument, Newgrange, is even older than Stonehenge.Evidence of ancient monastic settlements can still be seen today.The Irish famine saw an incredible and tragic decline in our population - 1 million died, and 1 million emigrated, which is why Irish folk are all over the world. NI is separate from the ROI after a long fight with the British. It’s complex, and I’m not going into it her. But -  

Here is a thorough history of Ireland

Religion

For a long time, Ireland has been a very Catholic country. However, that culture is dying out at an alarming rate, and most young people have no time for the church. Grandparents are normally religious. Most people go to mass on Christmas Eve/Day. In 2nd class (see school system below) students make their first holy communion, and in 6th class they make their Confirmation. Here is more.

Language

English is predominately spoken in Ireland, due to the aforementioned English rule. Irish is NOT a dead language. The ‘Gaeltacht’ is an Irish speaking area. The Irish language is beautiful and complex. It’s mandatory learning in schools, so most have some level.

Accents - People often say that they love the Irish accent, whereas there are so many different types. Find them here

The people

Irish people are known for being friendly. There is a strong sense of community, especially in the more rural areas. Everybody knows everybody, and homes are always open.

Names

School System

Around age 3/4, you do a year in ‘playschool.’(Preschool/Kingergarten.) 

Then, you begin primary school. 8 years. Junior Infants, Senior Infants, and then 1st to 6th class. 

Next, secondary school. 1st to 6th year. However, 4th year is optional. Its called ‘Transition Year,’ and is focused less on academics and more on life skills, work experience, and, well, fun. You sit two state exams - The Junior Cert and the end of 3rd year, and the Leaving Cert at the end of 6th year. The LC determines which college/uni you attend.

Irish, English and Maths are compulsory subjects. A third language is needed to get into university.

Youth Culture/Slang

Irish youth culture is different from American teens. God this will be cringey

Teens are quite close, and its not as ‘cliquey’ as American schools are portrayed. A party is alcohol is called a session sesh

A ‘french kiss’ type thing is called a ‘meet.’ Somebody who had never met anybody is called a frigid.

Whats the craic = whats up         

Feck off = no way

You’re having me on = You’re kidding

Talking shit = Bitching

Gas = Funny

Slagging =Teasing

Banjaxed = Broken

Fag = Cigarette

Culchie = Person from the country

Spuds = Potatoes

Tayto = Popular brand of crisps (chips, to y’all americans.)

Chips = Chunky fries

Insults - I’d probably call you a dickhead, a bitch, a tramp, asshole, eejit, thick.

Sports

A lot of people play GAA - eithe hurling or gaelic football,  Irish sports. It’s considered a great honour when a teenager ‘plays county.’ (is on the county team.) It’s absolutely brilliant. Here are the rules.

Irish myths and legends

There are so many brilliant ones, that could definitely slot into your story.

Irish folklore

Irish mythical creatures

Writing a story based in Ireland

Don’t stick to the stereotypes, please. I don’t eat eight spuds for breakfast, I hate potatoes. And don’t try and mimic the accent if you’re going to butcher it.

Want a deeper insight into Irish life?

The movie and TV show ‘The Young Offenders,’ is both genuinely hilarious and will show you a slightly exaggerated side of Irish culture. 

Some brilliant Irish YA books are The Skulduggery Pleaseant series, and Eoin Colfer’s work.

Want to visit Ireland? It’s the holiday of a lifetime.

The Wild Atlantic Way

Need More help, or have a more specific question?

Message me, Aoife @writingguardian

I’m more than happy to help!

[pinky-dan]

To All the Boys(and Girls) I’ve Loved Before Part 2

Title: To All the Boys(and Girls) I’ve Loved Before

Prompt (from phanfic): a dnp adaptation of tatbilb

Notes: Part 2 is finally here!! 

Genre: fluff, a bit of angst

Words: 1.4k

Series Masterlist

(ao3 link)

A week later, Kitty and I were starting school again. I was dressed in black skinny jeans, a red flannel, and a pair of black combat boots.

“Dan. It's only gonna take a second. Just smile,” Dad was taking his annual picture of us holding chalkboards with the grade we were going into.

“Cheese!” Kitty still hadn’t realized how cheesy our dad actually was.

“Sixth grade and junior year, can hardly believe it.” I sighed at Dad's remark

“Okay, you ready to go?” I turned to Kitty, handing our signs to Dad. Because Margot was gone, I was responsible for driving us to school.

“One sec,” she ran back into the house, leaving her backpack on the curb.

“Okay, just drive safe. I gotta go,” Dad gave me a hug. “You look great.”

“All set,” Kitty came back outside with a helmet on.

“That's very funny,” I said, not amused.

“Very necessary.” We got in the car and headed off to the combined middle and high school.

I walked in the halls looking for my new locker, different from last year. I was officially an upperclassman, and I actually wanted to put effort into school, not just get B’s and be fine with it.

“Ow!” I accidentally walked into someone. Looking up from my feet, I locked eyes with a girl, about an inch shorter than me. “Excuse you!”

“Oh my god, Gen,” I apologized profusely. “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Oh,” the brunette haired girl looked me up and down, her face turning to a scowl. “It’s you.”

Gen, Genevieve. We used to be best friends, but post-middle school, for reasons having to do with her popularity and my lack thereof, we are now decidedly not. I have a slight feeling she's also homophobic, but I can't pin anything on her.

“Cute boots,” Gen mockingly saluted. “Thank you so much for your service.”

“They’re vintage,” I responded. “But I got them on Etsy.”

“And they’re amazing!” I turned around to see my best friend(my only friend), Gen’s cousin, Christine. “Not everybody can pull them off. Lara Jean can rock 'em!

“But for you, cuz, well, let's just say it's probably a good thing you're playing it safe with those,” she looked down at Gen’s feet, noticing her “white girl” foot wear. “Uggs.”

“You know what, Chrissie?” Gen started to get angry. “Screw you, you know my feet are always cold.”

“Hey, babe,” A taller, black haired, boy came up behind Gen and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, leaning down to place a kiss on her cheek.

“Oh, hi!” Gen kept glaring at me as she started talking to him. “How you doing?”

“I’m good, how are you?"

“Good,” Gen smirked at me, and I couldn’t help but think of our history.

Remember Phil, the second non-recipient of one of my love letters? That's this Phil. Gen's Phil. Seventh grade, my first real boy/girl party. Everyone knew that Phil and Gen, who at the time was still my BFF, only wanted to kiss each other.

The bottle spun, landing on Phil.

“I can spin it again,” I said, not sure if he would want to kiss a boy.

“You can’t cheat the bottle,” he said leaning across the circle to kiss me. Our lips met awkwardly for a split second before we pulled away. I looked over at Gen, and she was glaring at me. That was the official end of our friendship.

“So I was just complimenting Dan on his government-issued boots,” I scoffed and turned my head to look at Christine. “Come on, I see someone we need to say hi to. Bye!” Gen walked off, leaving a confused Phil standing across from us.

“She just stopped drinking caffeine for some diet,” Phil said in his smooth voice. “I think she's in withdrawal.”

“Are you sure she just doesn't have a chemical imbalance?” I retorted.

“Right,” he awkwardly thumbed in the direction Gen walked off to and left to catch up with us. I turned to Christine still staring at Phil's back.

“Really think my boots are amazing?” I asked Chris.

“If you ask, it ruins the whole vibe,” Gen teasingly shouldered me. “Be cool. Anyway, you think I'm gonna let my cousin talk trash about you?” The bell rang, and the two of us walked towards our first class together.

I walked into the lunchroom, looking for a seat. I really was lost without Margot here to guide me. Walking out of the lunchroom, I walked outside to the bleachers. Realistically, there wouldn’t be anyone out here, but of course, Josh sat with his earbuds in, eating a sandwich.

“Um, is this seat taken?” I asked him. He looked up, surprised, but moved his paper bag over to the side, making room for me to sit.

“I gotta ask,” Josh began. “Did she tell you she was gonna do it? I just figure you guys talk about everything, right?”

“She didn’t tell me about this.”

“We're still cool, right?” he asked. “We can still talk and you know, kick it?” I laughed.

“Ugh... Don't say ‘kick it.’” I joked. “Yes, we are cool.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

“Do you want a carrot?”

“Give me a carrot.”

Josh and I really were cool. However I felt about Josh, I could never do that to Margot.

“The middle school cafeteria is so ginormous. Alison wanted to sit at lunch, but so did Brianna and Katy. I ended up rotating so everyone had time next to me, you know?” Kitty and I were in the parking lot after school, and she was telling me about her day.

“Yeah, I can totally relate,” I said, my voice shaking a bit. I was happy for her, really, but even my little sister had a better social life than me. I started backing out of the parking spot.

“Woah, woah, woah,” a masculine voice said from behind the car. I slammed my foot on the brakes, not even bothering to turn around to see who I almost hit. I recognized that voice.

“Good thing I’m wearing my helmet!” Kitty joked. A knock sounded on the window next to me. I slowly rolled down the window in shame.

“Hi,” Phil said.

“Hi,” I said, refusing to look at him.

“How you doing?”

“Good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“You know people usually check behind them before they reverse to avoid killing others,” he said sarcastically. I turned to look at him. “It's a thing we do.”

“Yeah, I'm just not completely comfortable with using my mirrors yet.”

“Yeah, clearly,” Phil scoffed. “Think you're gonna be able to make it out of the parking lot?”

“Yeah, we’re fine,” I said, hoping he got the message that he can stop leaning into the car’s window. “Really, seriously. Um, so you should just, uh, go, seriously.”

“Whatever you say, Howell,” he pushed himself off the car and pointed to my sister in the passenger seat. “You’re in charge.” Kitty smiled as he walked away.

“Who was that?” she asked.

“That was Phil Lester.” Kitty turned forward in her seat.

“What are we waiting for?”

“The rest of the cars to leave.”

“Oh my gosh.”

“What do you think Margot’s doing tonight?” Kitty and I were on the couch, watching Golden Girls.

“Crack,” she responded. I sat up, shocked.

“Kitty, why would you say that?”

“It’s how Scottish people say fun,” she explained. “Like, ‘you’re good craic,’ I looked it up.” I settled back on the couch, shoveling popcorn into my mouth.

“It’s weird not having her here, huh,” I said with my mouth full.

“It's weird not having Josh here, too. I miss his Blanche impression,” I sighed, almost missing Josh too. “You know, Dan, if you had a girlfriend, or boyfriend, maybe you wouldn't have to drive at all 'cause he would take us places.”

“If that's what it takes, I think you're stuck with me.”

“I dunno. What about the guy you almost killed the other day?” Phil.

“He's dating Gen.”

“So?” Kitty got up from her spot on the couch to sit facing me. “It's just that, don't you find it kinda depressing that it's Saturday night, and you're having a Golden Girls marathon with your little sister?”

“No. I love the Golden Girls, and I love hanging out with you.”

“Okay, I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad,” she started. I could tell this was going to make me feel bad. “But, Dan, I'm 11 and I canceled plans to be here tonight, and well, you're 16, and I don't think you had anything else going on, am I right?”

“That is way harsh, Kitty.”

“The truth hurts, Dan.”

What I didn’t know, was after I fell asleep, Kitty snuck up into my room, found the letters, and put them in the mailbox to be sent the next morning.

[creativemorningsdublin-blog]

Meet our Musician: ROE

Meet our Musician: ROE

Our musician for the month of April is ROE. Devastatingly sincere and relatable, ROE is a songwriter that pours her heart into every word that she writes. Her work spills truths from her own life, and from speculations on the planet on which we exist. Hailing from Derry, NI, ROE left college before finishing to travel the world playing festivals and to focus on writing songs that felt real. Her 2020 EP ‘Things We Don’t Talk About’ saw ROE cross 1 million streams on Spotify and is the culmination of 4 years of relentless writing, releasing and touring as a completely independent artist.

We sat down with ROE to talk about all things creative.

What does our monthly theme of procrastination mean to you? Procrastination is, for me, taking time away from something that you love just to make it better. I'm one for procrastinating all the time and then whenever I finally sit down to do something it works out really well because I've taken that time away. People perceive it as a negative thing, but I think that having that time is important.

What do you find most challenging about the creative process?

Probably the hardest thing for me is actually taking the time to sit down and write and keep going with this thing that I love. This is my career but also, it's therapy for me; sitting down and writing and knowing that it's good for my head. So whenever I procrastinate I know that I'm procrastinating because I can feel it in my brain.

You've quite a close-knit team, I love that you guys are all friends and that's such a big part of who you are as an artist. So is the solo time where it's just you in your room, writing, is that where you find committing to doing that most difficult?

Yeah because there's nobody there to push you on to do it, you’re literally relying on yourself to do this thing and you know that it's going to take maybe an hour or whatever. And I’ve started this technique where you put a timer on your phone for 15 minutes to do something and that's been very helpful. I know that it's only a tiny section of time that I have to do the task for and then you end up doing it for far longer because you're really into it.

But whenever I have the team around me, I feel the buzz. Whenever they’re around you and everybody is kind of gearing towards the same goal really. It brings you out of your shell as well, because when you're having the craic with people and you're all thinking about the same thing and they’re all like-minded and just want to get the best out of everything that you do. Especially whenever it’s my own stuff, because everything I write is written by me and it's kind of my baby, so it's nice having people around that make you kind of think that OK, I'm an actual professional musician. And they're just there to support you the whole way and I love that.

Is there any experience in particular that you've been reminiscing about? You know those moments that you live in?

Yeah, we were on tour just before lockdown happened up here. Literally just got back home in time and we had the show down in Dublin in Whelan’s Main Room and before that, we'd sold out upstairs and that night was just insane, and it was crazy because we were literally on stage and then we had to go back home up to Derry.

It was just a complete rush the whole night and it was just the best craic and I miss the connection with people. I miss the whole buzz after the show and just talking to people after the show and just chatting to people about their own experiences.

This whole point in life just feels so surreal because everybody’s taken a pause in everything that they do, especially in the creative sector and it's one of those professions that are really tied into your personal life as well. We were chatting about how like most of my friends, if not all of my friends, are involved in the music scene or the creative scene in some way. And I miss that being at a show with them so much and I miss just the thrill of being on stage and being able to perform my songs with people.

Do you think that mental health is the main message in your songs that will keep cropping up and is what’s really important to you or are there other themes that you’ve started to bring into your writing over the past year?

For me, writing is really personal. It's kind of like a diary, a scary diary, but I use writing as a form of therapy, so everything that I write is very much linked to my mental health and the things that I go through, and people really close to me go through. And it’s a way of getting these thoughts out of my head without having to talk about it because I am the worst person, as much as I sing about it, I'm really bad at talking about my mental health and actually opening up to people.

So I think if I can do that in a way that helps other people as well as it helps me. That's the aim for me. You know it's just to connect with people and have a little bit of hope because all of these songs that I write, they might have really sad topics behind them or themes behind them, but I get to do what I love because of them. I get to connect with people, I get to talk to people and get to make friendships and it came from all of these mental health songs that I've written about. It makes me realise how important it is to talk about these things, especially if you have the strength to.

I still get terrified before I go on stage because I know that I'm pouring my heart out on stage in front of all these people and I have no idea how it's going to go each night, but it's really important to me to keep spreading that message of: It's OK to have mental health issues. Everybody has some form of mental health issues. Nobody is perfect and it feels like a very human thing to communicate. I don't understand why there's such a stigma around it.

How do you feel about the narrative that if you write music, you don’t need therapy, that the music is therapy and is cathartic?

I think if you need help, get help. Your music isn't going to suffer because your mental health is getting better, and I think that's really important for people to understand.

There's this narrative of a tortured artist and you have to be suffering to make good art, and there's no logic in that. There's no reason why you can't better your mental health and feel happier and still write really good songs.

If you need help, get help. Your music isn't more important than your own mental state.

This year loads of people have been learning new coping mechanisms… are there any rituals that you do before stage or daily?

It's something that I'm working on. I've been reading into it a lot more. There's this book called Sound Advice that I've absolutely been loving and it's about creating rituals, especially with your bandmates, because you need a connection before you go on stage, that's why people play ball games or silly word games before they go on stage, to get that connection and bring the best onto the stage.

But before all this, I definitely took maybe 5 minutes before I went on stage and just didn't talk to anybody. I'd kind of take the time for myself because of the nature of the songs. I had to be in the right mindset to go sing them before, without breaking down onstage.

It's talked about all the time, how exercise helps your brain, and so I've started running and doing yoga a lot more and not for any physical benefits. But just because I know that it's going to help me in the long term and my brain.

What habits do you think you've had to unlearn over the last few years?

Finding my voice was difficult. We're in the middle of recording my album and this time I've taken the reins a little bit and realise that I like having a hand in everything in every aspect of my music. So, I'm definitely a lot more assertive than what I was, maybe three or four years ago whenever I was just starting out. And it is something that you learn – that you have a voice. And you're allowed to use it, even if you're young.

Some of the youngest people in this industry are the ones with the most inspirational ideas.

Always remember that you have a voice and you're allowed to have that creative expression and guide your own music like it's your music, so don't let anybody else take charge of it.

You put up a post recently saying that you were really excited about your new tunes and how they were really different... in what way are you excited about them being different?

They’re very true to what the songs are about. It’s shown in my writing how I’ve evolved as an artist. Practice makes everything better, so I'm really proud of these songs and I'm really excited about them. The whole mental health thing has carried over a whole lot and I'm glad that it has and I don't think I'll ever step away from talking about things like that.

There's been so much talk about how the music industry needs to step up, and I think it's really important to talk about these things ... what do you wish people knew about being a musician that isn't always visible or obvious?

All of the hours that go into and everything that goes into behind the music. Whenever people hear your music, it's a finished product. It's all shiny and bright and they don't realise how much has gone into the thought, the artwork or the production or the videos and all that aspect of it as well.

I think it's really hard to see music as a nine to five because you always end up coming up with ideas and the best ideas that I have always come at like two in the morning whenever I'm going to sleep, and I have to roll over and write them in my notes app or else I won't remember them in the morning.

Is there anything else you would say about your new tunes?

I’m being very mysterious at the minute! We’re working away trying to get everything done for my debut album and it’s the first time that I've had so much space to sit with every aspect of a project without shows in between. I want it to be something special to me and I think putting in the time into it is making that real.

What do you hope for the music industry going forward, what changes would you want to see?

That it’s more of a gender-neutral environment, especially when it comes to radio because I think everybody has seen the disparity when it comes to Irish radio at the minute. I want to see more opportunities for women in the music industry that aren't token, that you're not the only woman on the line-up.

Also more transparency. There’s a lack of transparency when it comes to a lot of the industry stuff and I know my manager, Liam, he's been great at the minute because he's started this Instagram page all about the industry and everything you need to know about labels, publishers. Everybody seems to keep to themselves and I wish that there was less of this competitive nature. There's room for everybody to get the opportunities that they deserve and there shouldn't be this need to be better than somebody, because we're all in this.

I want it to feel like more of a community than competition. I feel like if there was a worldwide community of musicians and everybody in the music industry was helping each other, that would be the day.

I think if it was more accessible and more open to young artists, people wouldn't be as scared or feel as if they need somebody else to know all this stuff. They wouldn't be taken advantage of. There needs to be more education when it comes to that, especially when it comes to the younger artists.

---

You can check out ROE's music here.

[panda-noosh]

So I notice that you do headcannons. What about the paladins who have a significant other who is 75% of the time at odds with Allura and her treatment of the paladins? Like there is a very rare 5% where they actually get along is something very rare, scary, and dangerous but most of the time they barely say two words to each other.

Enjoy!

  Shiro:

 - itwould confuse him at first.

 - the two of you are such hard-working people. the two of you aregoing through he same shit as one another. the two of you shareinterests. what is there to fight about?

 - he literally just spends hours inspecting how you two act aroundeach other. the way you completely swerve her whenever she needs toget past you, the way you two never look each other in the eye, theway Allura will literally go out of her way to ask somebody aquestion if it means she doesn't have to ask you the question.

 - and he's just like whatwhy???

 - heknows you don't like talking about it though, so he very rarely asksyou about your relationship with her.

 - when you two are actually forced to talk, you're a power pair. mygod, you'rea power pair. yelling orders at one another in those gruff,leader-fuelled voices that literally gets everybody listening inseconds.

 - when he sees things like that, it just makes him even more confused.you two are a perfect pair whenever it comes to battle, so why can'tyou just get along?

   Keith:

  -likeShiro, he would be immensely confused.

  -unlike Shiro, he would actually ask you wtf is going on.

  -he first noticed you two not getting along whenever you had rolledyour eyes at an order Allura had given. it was subtle, and Alluracertainly hadn't seen it, but he had. from then on, he noticeseverything.

  -he notices the way Allura rolls her eyes at you whenever you speak,or the way you two just don'tcommunicate at all.

  -Keithwill ask Coran what's going on, ask Shiro, ask everybody else –nobody has answers because nobody cares enough.

 - but Keith does, because he was already in Allura's bad-books for alittle while because of the whole Galra thing – he doesn't want tobe in them because of you.

 - so he would ask you what the craic is, get a very disgruntled answerabout how “What? We love each other! What are you talking about?” -  he would probably take matters into his own hands to find outwhat was going on after that. it's clear you don't wanna talk aboutit, and Allura looked like she was about to slap him whenever heasked her.

   Lance:

  -hewould find it mildly amusing at first.

  -whenever he first started to notice it, he found it so stupid that itwas funny to him. the way you two never spoke, the way you two onlygot along whenever your lives were literally in danger. he saw noreason behind the fighting, so it was all just a big joke to him.

 - but then things started to get a little bit tiring for him.

 - months had passed and you two still hadn't started to get along.jealousy was beginning to be mixed into everything, with you hatingit whenever Lance went to Allura for things instead of you. itstarted to strain him as well as you and Allura.

  -so he would try to put a stop to it.

 - of course, it doesn't turn out well. he traps you and Allura in thesame room, locking the door and forcing you two to talk.

-  but he ends up having to drag you off of her because you've somehowended up on the floor, tugging on each others hair and screamingcurse words.

 - Lance would figure it out pretty quickly that he shouldn't interfere– you two were better off not talking.

   Hunk:

 - awit would make him so sad.

  -two of his favourite people – fighting? how was he meant to dealwith that?

 - he doesn't know, but he does know that it makes him upset to see thetwo of you at odds so often.

 - like everybody else, he doesn't understand why you two are fightinganyway. you're two strong, smart and independent people. if you justsat down and talked it out, it would be fine.

  -I can imagine Hunk being the one to change the subject whenever thefighting is brought into the conversation. like, Shiro will askAllura why she didn't cook you dinner or something and Hunk will divein and be like, “It's fine, she can share mine!” just so hedoesn't have to hear the beginnings of the argument.

 - he wouldn't talk to you about it until it gets a little far. hedoesn't want to hear about it – he prefers ignoring it, pretendingeverything is fine in the world.

 - but then you two start to argue a little bit and Hunk gets upset,and you notice. he then has to tell you about how the arguing makeshim feel helpless, and you're heart breaks.

 - you then at least make an effort to get along with Allura, just soHunk isn't upset.

   Pidge:

 - shefinds it stupid, and she will tell you straight up just how stupidshe thinks it is.

 - the first time she noticed you two fighting, she genuinely sat backand grinned.

 -sheexpected it to happen – you two were too alike. you were bound toget competitive at some point.

 - but either way, she still finds it absolutely ridiculous.

 - she probably teases you about it all the time. like, anything goeswrong and she turns to you and is just like, “I bet it's Allura'sfault, isn't it?”

  -and she does the same with Allura, because she's just so amused.

  -but then one day it gets a little too much, and the tension shatters,revealing the screams of anger that have been hidden underneath it.

 - and suddenly you and Allura are yelling at each other, and peopleare pulling Allura back and Pidge is tugging you back but she'slaughing while she does it.

 -whenever she finally drags you out of the room, she sits you down,shakes her head and says, “I thought you were meant to be smart.” -  and you look up like ????

 - “for crying out loud, Y/N. you look like 12 year olds fightingover a chocolate bar. it's stupid. there's literally no reason foryou two to be fighting. you're just looking for somebody to be angrywith.”

 - she basically puts you in your place.

[torentialtribute]

Mark Wilson is England’s new sensation who is on course for a Six Nations record

Mark Wilson has duties the Guinness Six Nations by storm in England's back- to-back victories.

The 29-year-old is on course to shatter the championship tackling record. Sportsmail hears from the star and those who know him on his rise to the top …

                   England flanker Mark Wilson (center right) is set to shatter the Six Nations tackling record

Mark Wilson (on the start of his club career)

I remember when I first rocked up at Newcastle. My PE teacher brought me over and there's a one-way system when you get to the club. Jonny Wilkinson was driving out in his Golf and somehow we ended up blocking him in. I thought, 'Oh no! Great start.

Rob Andrew was in charge of the first team. My mom came from one of the sessions in the summer when he had his little shorts on and had a bit of a moment when he walked in!

The club sent me to play for Blaydon during my second year at uni . Amy (now his wife) was working in the bar. We met at the Christmas party. I was living in a flat with a couple of doormen and it was a rank student flat!

Amy's mum is a proper motherly figure so, instead of going back to the flat for Super Noodles on a Tuesday night, I 'd go back to Amy's moms. She'd have dinner on the table, a bath run, do your washing – happy days! Chicken dinners at Amy's moms. I used to have a special plate that was like a serving dish. Proper Geordie family who do anything for you. It was nice.

     He's a long way from the schoolboy that first rocked up at Newcastle with his PE teacher

Jim Huxley – Blaydon secretary

He came over as a teenager for two or three years. We just started in the national leagues. Everytime he played, everybody talked about Mark Wilson. Someone would always buy him a pint after the match! He was never someone to shirk and still talk about him that way today. He really bought into the club – just married our stewardesses' daughter, Amy.

He did the right things. He was not one who you heard tales about. His parents are awfully nice people as well. They came to watch his games at Blaydon. Our average gate is probably 200 or 300. If it's Tynedale in the derby then maybe it's 1,500.

We had a reputation for being a 'fendy' club, we would always look after ourselves. It's a Geordie saying. Mark is a fendy bloke. He was always there early, helping out with the coaches, cleaning the changing rooms. You'd never hear anyone say, 'Mark's a lazy bugger'.

                   Wilson has been described as a 'fendy bloke' by Blaydon secretary Jim Huxley

Tom Rock – former Blaydon coach

Mark was not long out of school. There was no doubt about his talent but what stood out was his work ethic. He was a hard-working, humble, good bloke. That's how he is on the pitch.

A lot of the northern clubs had funding disparities, so we needed to be a tight-knit group. Mark really added to that. He had one of the Blaydon youth players running out with him as a mascot the other day and that was Mark through and through.

He was 19-years old but he was very realistic in terms of where he was at . The lads would earn enough for a good night out on the Saturday. Probably £ 50 a match. He would probably have played for nothing, to be fair to the lad. We were a proper rugby club. We had some long journeys to matches down south.

Blaydon Races was the club song but we were never sober enough by the end of the bus trip to sing it coherently!

     The forward's work-ethic, a trait he still possesses, made him stand out at 19 at Blaydon

Micky Ward – Newcastle forwards coach

The big thing with Mark is, he's a driven bloke and he's got high standards. Now he's been on tours and he's in camps with England, they've seen what he's like on a daily basis – how driven he is, how diligent he is and how hard he's worked.

He sets standards If they are not pulling their weight or doing what they are supposed to do, Mark will kick their backside and say, 'That's not acceptable'. He makes sure people are not messing about. If he sees anyone drifting, he's straight on it, saying: 'Sort it out. Get it done '.

He's always been like that. He's never the biggest guy in the world and he's never the fittest, but he had a goal, he knew what he wanted and he worked his backside off to get there.

He's a genuinely good bloke. That's why everyone is so pleased for him. He always got time for the lads. He'll sit around and have the craic. He's not shy but he's not the loud one in the group, or the joker. He's just him. "

     The 29-year-old has been described as 'driven' by Newcastle forwards coach Micky Ward

                   Will Welch – Newcastle captain and back-row team-mate

Wils is modest, down-to-earth and works his socks off. All the lads at the club have known how good he is. We all thought that once he got that opportunity, he'd probably stay in there, because of how hard he works and how good a player he is. It was just a matter of time until the opportunity came along and he took it.

He's a clean grave. He's good about the ball, that's one of his big strengths. He'll make 15 or 20 tackles every game and try as much as possible. He runs some nice lines when he gets the opportunity.

You know if you're alongside him, he'll empty the tank. Whoever you're up against, he'll go full bore and he's a tough bloke as well. He'll put his head where some people will not and he'll tackle anything that comes at him.

There's not really a secret recipe to him. He does not do X-factor stuff, he's just a clean, hard-working lad who gets stuck in.

He's not loud and brash – he's quite quiet. But he's got a good sense of humor and he does not take himself too seriously. When it comes to the business side of things, he'll get his head on and be serious, but in between he'll have a laugh.

     Wilson is averaging 25 tackles a game so far through England's two Six Nations matches

Neal Hatley – England coach

Ever since we took on Wils to Argentina (in 1945) 2017), he's unbelievably passionate and proud to play for England. He's become a lot more vocal in training and he's going to be a leader in the back row.

When we took him on that tour, Amy was expecting the birth of their first child, and it was almost a toss-up about which was more important to him. He is just proud to play for him every week, because he's that proud and passionate about it.

The guys were talking about the Ireland game and, after about 25 minutes, they came in together in a group and he wandered in and just said, 'How good is this?' He's that sort or bloke.

You want to work with him and the players because he has every single day.

He works his backside off in training and you see that in Test matches as well.

He has played across the back, at six, seven and eight, and he has done well in all three positions.

I think he's become a more genuine threat as a ball carrier. You saw him playing off the base at No 8 in the autumn and against Australia, he has been carried as well as anyone in our forward pack.

Defensively, he's always very good and he has his head over the ball. He's a poach threat.

     The Cambrian will hope to continue his form at the Principality Stadium on Saturday

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[hemcountry]

BACK ON YOUR MIND WITH 'BACK ON MY MIND'....AND A CUP OF TEA!

Hi Everybody,

Welcome to another installment of my country music diary! I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted an update, so let me apologise for that first of all. It’s been a hectic few months for me, to say the least. All in very good ways, though, I’m happy to say. But listen, before we even go any further here, can somebody please just answer me this: Where is the year going?!

I was walking through a well known department store the other week, an innocent with nothing only milk and biscuits on my mind so I could get home and have a cuppa, when I turned the corner and found myself face-to-face with a screeching skeleton! And I don’t mean a cranky customer! Or even an over-tired, over-worked, under-paid staff member, either! I mean an actual, full-size, screeching skeleton!! Not only does this summer seem like it’s slipped by in a flash, but Halloween has totally crept up on me, too! My heart! And if that wasn’t confusing enough for me, I turned the next corner and was met by a wall of selection boxes! Halloween and Christmas, almost side-by-side….in September?! Let me tell you, I really needed that cup of tea by the time I got home!

The good news, though, is I usually settle down once I have a cup of tea in my hand, and there’s one within easy reach right now as I write this, so let’s get on with our catching up : )

Click here to download my new single, ‘BACK ON MY MIND’, is out NOW.

The first big piece of news I have to share with you is that my brand NEW single, ‘BACK ON MY MIND’, is finally out NOW on all digital platforms for all of you to go and download if you like it (see link below). It’s another old country favourite, one made famous by Ronnie Milsap, and I love singing it. It’s been on my list to record for a long time and I’m so delighted that I’ve finally had the chance to take this great track into the studio. Hopefully you guys will think I’ve done it justice when you hear it. In fact, hopefully you’ll have heard it already because it’s been with radio for the past few weeks. And I have to give a huge shout-out to all the presenters who have been spinning it so far, and who have given me such wonderful support throughout my career and with every release, including ‘BACK ON MY MIND.’ The extent of my gratitude to everyone who plays it on their shows – and of course to everyone who requests it to be played – knows no bounds. I’d tip my hat to you all, but I’m a girlie girl when it comes to my hair, so…no hat! But I definitely send you all big hugs! THANK YOU SO MUCH. Like my last single, ‘Don’t Think Twice’, ‘BACK ON MY MIND’ is also going to feature on my brand new album. It feels a bit like forever since my first album, ‘Another Heartache’, because so much has happened since then. So I’m seriously excited about everyone getting to hear my new collection. Not to tease you guys or anything, but you’ll have to wait just another little while! But it’s getting closer all the time : )

There are two huge agricultural events which take place in Ireland every year. Well, I guess it’s more true to say that there are many big agricultural events which take place around the country each year. But there are two huge ones which are world-famous; the Tullamore Show, and the National Ploughing Championships. And like most events in Ireland, there’s music involved, more often than not a combination of country and Irish traditional. The Tullamore Show is a one-day event held in Tullamore every year, but people come from all over the country, and indeed the world, to attend. The National Ploughing Championships tends to rotate, moving to a different location every few years and staying there for a few years as well before moving on. This was the second year the National Ploughing Championships were held in Tullamore, and it was a record-breaking year in terms of attendance, with close on 300,000 people visiting the site over the course of the three-day event. I had the pleasure of performing at last year’s event and I was delighted to be invited back to the main stage once again this year. The site, if you’ve never seen it, is literally built from the ground up and is pretty much a mini city in a field! The amount of work that goes into it is unbelievable. And the amount of fun to be had is equally impressive. I also sang with a gentleman who’s been very good to me in my career, and is always mighty craic to be around, Seamus Moore, in Hugh Lynch’s tent. Even when the middle day of the championship was nearly washed away with torrential rain, spirits in Hugh Lynch’s with Seamus and the awesome Slim Attraction band never even showed the slightest signs of dampening. The show must go on, as they say, and it surely did!

Olivia at this year’s Tullamore Show.

This was also my second year in a row to be asked to perform at the Tullamore Show, an honour I was delighted to accept. There was a fantastic line-up of music on the day, with the legendary Declan Nerney headlining things and taking to the stage late in the afternoon. Before that, though, my good friends Stephen Rosney – with his band, The Back Axles -, Colin Kenny, and Simon Casey (who also has a gorgeous new single out, called ‘The Third Dance From The End’, check it out, folks) entertained a packed music tent.

Olivia with TG4’s Feilte show presenter Caitlin

Well, since I was talking to you all last, I’ve managed to end up on television a couple of times, too. And that’s always an experience! One of the national TV stations in Ireland is called TG4, and it’s an Irish language channel. But thankfully if you’re singing you can get away with doing it in English! I have a few words of Irish still, and would probably know enough to get myself out of trouble. But the other side of that, is I probably know just enough to get myself into trouble, too! One of the shows on TG4 is called Feilte, it’s been on for a few years now, and its concept is beautiful in its simplicity and in its execution. They show producers (Hi Stephen and gang!) and the lovely Aoife (the presenter) visit some of the most scenic and stunning locations around Ireland and this footage is interspersed with Aoife telling us a little bit about what we’re seeing, the location’s history and such, and some ‘live’ music. This year I was one of the performers who was presented with the privilege of performing ‘live’ on the show. Hopefully I’ll get to work with Stephen, Aoife, and the rest of the gang again somewhere down the line.

Me on stage during the Irish Post Country Music Awards performance (pic. Sam Cairns)

My other television appearance was on the Irish Post Country Music Awards, where I was also lucky enough to be asked to perform. I was nominated in the Best Newcomer category, which came as a surprise. Maybe I just feel old these days!! But like I’ve always said about awards, they’re bonuses as far as I’m concerned, but they’re not the prime reason why I sing or play.That being said, of course, they’re always lovely to win, and I was very happy to accept a couple of big awards earlier this year, at the Sunday World Music and Entertainment Awards, and then at the Hot Country TV Awards Concert. As it turned out, I didn’t win this time but I was absolutely delighted for Lauren McCrory who did. Lauren is still at the beginning of her own career, and I’m sure picking up an award like this so soon after winning Glor Tire earlier this year will do her the power of good. Not only is Lauren an incredibly talented singer, but she’s a genuinely lovely person through and through as well. I know what a nice feeling it was for me when I picked up my first award, so I’m more than happy knowing that’s a feeling Lauren has been able to share, too.

Myself with Cliona Hagan and Lauren McCrory.

Speaking of amazing female singers, it’s time for me to sing the praises of Cliona Hagan’s fantastic band now! The lads and I had one heck of a night at The Well in Moate recently. I usually perform solo, except at shows where I’m doing a guest spot when there tends to be a band that backs every act. But generally speaking, I’m out there on my own. Except for my dad, of course, my regular one-man roadie and crew! One day, hopefully not too far away, taking my own band out on the road is definitely something that’s high-up on my to-do list. But until then, getting the opportunity to perform a whole show backed by talents like Aidan Quinn and his boys is something I’ll jump at every time the chance comes along. One reason why is that it’s just so much fun! Another is that it means all I have to worry about is singing!

David captured me in full flow on stage.

Somebody else I want to give a special mention to is David McCool. Many of you, especially if you come along to a lot of country events in Ireland, will probably be well aware of the sight of David and his trusty camera. I’ve said it before, and it bears repeating, there’s a lovely sense of community in the country music scene sometimes. And David is a perfect example of this. He’ll come along to whatever shows are on, take pictures the whole night long, and a few days later share them all with everyone on his Facebook page. And unlike me, David doesn’t just point, click, and hope for the best! Although I’m better than that when it comes to taking selfies at least! David is actually a very talented photographer, and I, like so many more artists on the country scene, owe him our thanks for what he contributes to what we all love to do. The memories that David’s work captures are wonderful to have. And on the subject of photos, another hugely gifted ‘lensman’ (not sure if that’s a term, but sounds like it should be!) I’ve had the pleasure of working with before, and you’ll see his work again in the photo from this year’s Ploughing Championship, is Farrell Quaid of Quaid Photography. Between David, Farrell,another real gentleman from Ballinasloe by the name of John Finnerty, and of course Dave Cooley, too, there’s so much talent out there. For anyone on the country scene, there’s no excuse for not having class shots, ‘live’ or in the studio. I also love it, and appreciate it, when fans at shows take photos and then tag me in them when they post them. I love it that people will actually take the time to go to all that trouble. It’s another lovely way for me to enjoy and remember shows even after they’re over. So thank you very much everybody, keep tagging and posting away! : )

Myself on stage at this year’s record breaking National Ploughing Championship (Quaid Photography)

And speaking of studios (I’m getting good at this links thing…kinda! Haha), there’s two great new albums I want to tell you about. One is out and doing the rounds now, and the second will be released later this month. So add them to your list for Santa or better still, get your hands on them even sooner. The first is from Andy Feery, and it’s called ‘Back Home To You’, and I was delighted to be one of Andy’s special guests on his launch night. And later this month I have the pleasure of joining Stuart Moyles for his album launch, too, in the McWilliam Park Hotel on October 16th. Robert Mizzell, Gerry Guthrie, are just some of the other guest artists who’ll be there on the night to wish Stuart well. And while I’m name-dropping, I don’t know how many times I’ve run into the brilliant Sabrina Fallon recently, but I love it when I do because she always makes me laugh. She’s such a brilliant singer, and such a natural on stage. Sabrina is definitely one of those people who was born to perform. It does your heart good to hear her sing, and to just be around her, too. Another singer whose voice I adore, and could listen to forever if I had to, is Patrick Feeney. Patrick, as you’ll probably know is one of The Three Amigos, and like Sabrina, a breath of fresh air to be around. I got to open for Patrick a couple of weeks back and it was a night I thoroughly enjoyed from start to finish.

Me and my Hot Country Award in RSVP magazine in Ireland.

Well folks, I think that’s our ‘little’ catch-up nearly caught-up at this stage! I’ve probably forgotten a couple of things, but I swear, I haven’t been the same at all since I ran into that skeleton! : ) Oh, I nearly forgot, I also had the very unreal experience of seeing myself in the pages of RSVP magazine (something like HELLO, for those who may never have seen a copy) in a feature on the Hot Country TV Awards Concert from earlier in the year. Thanks again to Kara and her crew at KODE, Tullamore for my lovely dress that night.

Now, my tea is gone cold from talking so much. Wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened, as some who know me might say! Time to put the kettle on, I think….

Take care everybody, until next time!

Love, Olivia XOXO

BACK ON YOUR MIND WITH ‘BACK ON MY MIND’….AND A CUP OF TEA! was originally published on HEM COUNTRY

[lidghad-blog]

This day two weeks ago

This day two weeks ago. I’m 21. Just bought a new car, I have a job with great money, friends all well and a boyfriend I’d walk on glass for. This day two weeks ago I was feeling unstoppable. This day two weeks ago, I was happy. I shop for anniversary gifts, I’m eating like I’ve never seen food before, I’m studying about dogs (amazing, I know). I’m planning my next date to the cinema. I’ve bought popcorn and jerky for himself for our movie night. This day two weeks ago, life was perfect. This day a week ago. An old friend passed away. Im in my bed, not wanting to move. My head is filled with sorrow thoughts, distant primary memories. My phone in my hand, yet no messages. I’m alone. I text the one person I trust for help. I’m let down. The usual with this person. I shouldve known. ‘I love you and I miss you’ I receive yet no desire to help take my mind of what I’m feeling or rather what I’m not feeling. I’m numb. This day a week ago, I was depressed. This day a week ago, I decide what black clothing to wear to a 22 year olds funeral. This day a week ago, I needed you. Someone. Anyone. And this day a week ago, I was let down. I would go on another three days, feeling alone. In my car, driving roads I’ve been on before, but not by myself. After nearly landing my car on its roof, I decide to pull in to a beach, roll down my window and listen to the waves. I’m alone. I count each wave and act as if it’s therapy, just for me. That no one else can hear them. Then I break down. Why am I alone in my car crying. This day two weeks ago, I was happy, I had love, I had it all. Why is this happening. I start my car, tears still in my eyes and a fuzzy head from the bawling. I don’t remember that drive home. I don’t remember the day. I’m a wreck but play it down to the person I trust. ‘If I told it all, I’d scare them away’ I say to myself. I did that anyway. I’m dumped, after two years of my life was given to them, I was dumped through a text. A text is what I longed for of them. A text asking if I’m okay. Not this kind of text. I’ve never considered myself very smart anyway, but in this moment, I’ve never felt like such an embarrassed stupid fool. Last week, I was told I’m loved and missed and this week it’s I don’t want you anymore. This is definitely what it’s like to be depressed. And after two years of messaging, silence. I lay in bed, not hearing a thing. Not feeling a thing. Numb. A month and a half ago, I lay with you by a pool, this week I lay alone. I awake to do my 10 hour shift. I walk through the doors, smelling the food and coffee I’m familiar with. A coworker, a dear friend, offering me a hug, knowing by my voice I was not good. A hug I clenched on to. A hug I wanted the past two weeks. He says ‘I’m here’. Something I wanted for two weeks. Naturally I bawl and naturally all I get is concern for the rest of the day. Is this what love actually feels like? I start my shift. My mind that was filled with questionable thoughts, now filled with customers orders who knew nothing about my past week. Although work, it’s a way to forget. To be someone else for the day. The next day I open shop. Normally two people open but it was just me this morning. Me alone. I carry out the chairs and tables in the rain. Something I hated about opening in Autumn. The rain. But this morning, I found comfort in it. I spot a snail and stare like a 4 year old child in disbelief that something this small and slow exists. Is it sad if I say, with a snail, I didn’t feel alone? That’s to the point where I’ve gotten? Jaysus.... A day ago. I go out with a best friend. I walk into her room and no ‘hi’ or ‘hello’ first. It’s ‘how are you’, shocked, I sit down and say ‘fine’. A week of hell, and I’m finally asked them 3 words I wanted. I needed. ‘How are you’. The evening goes on as I fill my glass with vodka, starting to feel the stress falling off my shoulders. In the taxi, I’m singing songs and dancing with a friend. I’m feeling...happy. We get to the bar and it’s buzzing with people and music. We walk in, to be met by the rest of the group. 10 or 15 people. I don’t feel alone. Everybody dancing, I’m pulled in, I’m spun around and danced with. I’m the centre of attention to someone for the first time in the past while. In the middle of everyone, laughing, being spun and dipped. Before this night, I go out, feeling a bit gross and self conscious. I walk into this cocktail bar. I’m told ‘you’re special, I can tell’ , I’m approached ‘you’re easily the most stunning and fun looking girl in this place’. Yet these are strangers that don’t know me. I’m feeling...to be honest, I’m feeling mixed emotions. I’ve never had such attention like this in the past two years. I felt guilt. I felt shocked that someone saw me as special. I felt...numb?. I awake. With a headache. But something strange to me. I awake to three messages ‘Are you safe?’ ‘Did you get home okay?’ ‘You okay?’ Another from an American reading ‘it was amazing to meet someone as bright and funny yet beautiful as you, keep in touch’. Another reading ‘it was lovely to meet you Lydia, seem like a bit of craic!’ And another reading ‘We never spoke but from afar I was admiring your spirit and beauty’. I felt honestly yeah I’m gonna say it again, but I felt numb. I don’t get compliments. I don’t get these kind of comments. But after all this. They aren’t from the person I want them to be from. I then went back into a hole of darkness and lay In bed all day. My third day not eating. My third day not drinking water. My friends when asked described me as ‘Bubbely, beautiful and kind’. Myself? I’d describe me as depressed. But I’ve learnt, that’s okay. With mental health awareness week, I’m not the only one. I’m not okay. And I won’t be for a long time. But that’s okay. This day a week ago, my life changed. This day a week ago, I became depressed. Today I learn, that’s okay.

[morwensteelsheen]

Helloooo anonymous here once again. Care to say more about Faramir and Imrahil and the relationship they had while F was growing up, through the ring war, and beyond?

Oh hellllll yes. Thank you for enabling me so much hahahaha

One of the really important things about all of Faramir’s pre-stewardship relationships (familial, friendship, otherwise) is that they’re going to be significantly less political in nature than the relationships between those same people and, say, Boromir or Denethor. So immediately there’s going to be an element of freedom in those relationships that sort of sets him apart. It’s definitely something he’d be keenly aware of, especially after Denethor’s death.

I think because he’s the spare, not the heir, so to speak, his relationships with other people are going to be a lot more comfortable. It’s not to say that there’s never going to be any political pressure/strain on them, but there’s going to be so much less than with his brother and father, and he’s going to understand that.

Imrahil’s going to be an especially complex one because, once you strip back the political subtext, you’ve still got a profoundly fraught relationship between Finduilas’ family and her husband. We don’t know what Imrahil thought of their marriage. I’m going to go out on a potentially deeply cynical limb here and say that he probably approved of it because it meant 1) unbeatable security 2) political prestige. I am perfectly content, however, saying that he probably thought Denethor was a bit of a dick. The question, then, is whether the intense similarities between Faramir and Denethor had any impact on Faramir and Imrahil’s relationship. I think not a huge amount, but certainly enough that, when possible, Imrahil would probably feel some level of obligation to try and de-Denethor Faramir, lol. As callous as that sounds, I think that’s just what the craic was. I sort of have it in my head that Imrahil spent a lot of time trying to make young Faramir a little less… intense.

The big role Imrahil probably plays in Faramir’s childhood is just being a… break from everything, really. Dol Amroth has the distance (geographical and culture) from Minas Tirith that I think it’d be a place of solace, of sorts, for Faramir. I don’t buy into the The Dol Amroth Squad Are Rescuing Faramir From The Horrific Abuse At The Hands Of Denethor, but I think faramir definitely gets a bit of a vacation mentality around them, if that makes sense?

Once Faramir gets out into the real world (which to my mind would be around age 16-18), their relationship would probably start to be politicised a bit more. Not because Faramir had any power, per se, but because he was in a good position to ask for certain things or push certain ideas. Whether or not he always went with it… I’m not sure tbh. I can see him and Imrahil being aligned on certain political issues, but Dol Amroth is different enough that they’re not gonna see eye to eye on everything, especially not when Faramir’s not landed and doesn’t need to think about those more practical political concerns.

As for during the Ring War… I basically see Faramir as being entirely cut off from the world, ie. everybody not in his immediate family. If there are social events that necessitate contact, they’re going to be on good terms of course, but I don’t necessarily see that they’re going out of their way to see one another from 3018-3019. I also think a lot of how their relationship is structured during the war is going to be heavily dependent on what the relationship is of the Rangers to the wider army of Gondor (such as it is), and how the army of Gondor relates to the armies/troops of each of the fiefdoms. I don’t actually know what I think about that yet, but it would impact how much they’re chatting to one another.

(One thing I would be DESPERATE to know more about is what sort of conversations they had surrounding Aragorn’s claim. They must’ve been speaking between the host arriving at Cormallen and the coronation, so what were they saying? How honest were they able to be with one another?)

After the war, I think they become pretty close. They’re the only two princes of the realm, they’ve got between them an enormous amount of political power and heft, and their families are intimately connected, not least because of the Éomer/Lothíriel marriage. Whatever their relationship was before (and I think it can go a variety of ways), their relationship is probably going to be one of the most important ones in either of their lives. Plus it’ll be made more complex by the need to integrate both Elphir and, latterly, Elboron into it, as a means of carrying on the legacy of whatever work they do together.

But overall I imagine they got on very well, and I think Imrahil probably very credibly took up the role of being Faramir’s family™ after the war.

[kekoaskorner]

Mainland Music brought the 4 lovely lads from the Coronas back to Zurich! It’s been years since I got to know them as the support of the Script. I immediately fell in love with their music and been a fan of theirs ever since. The thing is they are not just brilliant musicians but also very nice down-to-earth people.

Polar Circles

This time Polar Circles a Swiss band from Lausanne got to be their opening act on the whole European tour. I really enjoyed one of their last songs a lot and they seemed like really nice people. I especially loved the red guitar ❤

Just a little after 9 The Coronas took the stage at Papiersaal with their new single “Real Feel” off their latest album “Trust The Wire”. “Get Loose” and “Addicted to Progress” were the next two songs they chose to play. The lads went on with a mix of new and old songs. Their songs just get you immediately and within minutes everyone was rocking out. From time to time I was looking at people and they were smiling back! I absolutely loved the atmosphere. Everybody had a good time or how the Irish would say good craic.

  For “A Bit Withdrawn” Danny made us close our eyes to fully enjoy the song and it was well worth it. What a beautiful song – especially when you listen to it closely! “Who We Are” woke us back up and was full of energy! In “Dreaming Again” you can hear the Irish influence. It makes you sway from side to side and you can almost feel that you are in a proper Irish pub. From the new album this song “We Couldn’t Fake It” is one of the best in my opinion. “Gut Feeling” was next and it’s time to praise Danny incredibly special voice. The Irish accent and the voice itself is a mix that you just have to love.

dav

cof

My personal highlight of the show was when Danny stepped off stage and into the crowd to sing “Heroes or Ghosts” with us as back ground vocals. 🙂 This song is very old but still one of my favourites. Before the show I was able to meet him for an interview which you can read on my blog too. I took the chance to ask him if he could sing this song in Gaelic. So the 2nd verse of “Heroes or Ghosts” he sang in Gaelic. It was amazing!

Before the title track of their last album “Closer To You” they played “Someone Elses’s Hands” a beautiful rock ballade. In “What A Love” we could prove our singing abilities again before Danny toned it down again for “Give Me A Minute”. Sitting at his keys we enjoyed this wonderful slow song. The last song before the encore was “Mark My Words” which Danny announced like this:

So we tell you that this is the last song before we go off stage and then you hopefully clap as loud as you can and then we come back to play more songs. I’m actually not suppose to tell you this! This is not how it works.

This gave everyone a good laugh and it just shows how incredibly funny and normal they are. As announced the left the stage and we started to shout “One more song, one more song”. They came back on and he said well actually we’ll play four more songs! 🙂 “Look at all the lovers” was the first encore song before they covered “Learning To Fly” to honour the late great Tom Petty. Another of my favourites called “San Diego Song” was next. This song is brilliant but just too short! One last song “Just Like That” and this 90 minutes set was over.

The four Irish lads Danny, Dave, Conor and Graham who are always supported by a 5th unofficial member Jonathan are brilliant musicians and their live shows are top notch. So please visit their homepage for tour dates and check out their new album “Trust the Wire“.

Have you been to one of their shows and enjoyed it too? Let me know in the comments below.

The Coronas are always good craic Mainland Music brought the 4 lovely lads from the Coronas back to Zurich! It's been years since I got to know them as the support of the Script.