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deyadee · 10 months ago

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It Doesn’t Sink In Until You Actually Look in the Mirror

I feel like recently once been doing better compared to past years. I’d say I only have a complete breakdown like once a week to a month depending on how things are going. Though there’s still always a feeling at the back of my mind no matter what I’m doing air where I am that’s always scratching and clawing away at me. I have nothing to look forward to. I distract myself day to day with whatever mini arch’s going to get some comedy for the people who are still watching this late into the series, after the quality’s severely gone down and the plots are just getting reused from previous seasons. I don’t really know what kind of job I would want to do because I get bored of things so quickly, and any job I find that I do like I usually leave because I think I can do better money-wise. Though I never save up to move out. What’s the point? To speedrun my fucking depression? Because I know the second I’m completely out on my own for like a week I’ll blow my brains out. I try to pretend like I don’t need people, and I’m pretty introverted so it’s not like I always feel like I need to be around people- but that tends to make me spend what feels like weeks holed up in my room and slowly dying since there’s so little time to spend with the few people around me anymore. Parents are always working. Sisters have their own million things to do. The one friend I have I don’t have any money so I don’t want to bother if I can’t pay for anything that I would wanna do. So I wait for a time when something can happen, and I’m disappointed because everyone’s too tired and busy. I don’t blame them. For my last job I couldn’t do a lot because I was working a lot of the time. So now I dig my face in my phone and try to get through the day. I clean toys, fix my collection. I got a TikTok account and started making videos but now I’m just addicted to watching the numbers slightly go up. I knew I shouldn’t have gotten it but I fucking did with the excuse that there’s more MH videos on there or whatever. Still a fucking hypocrite as always.

But anyways- I know that once I leave my parent’s house there’s nothing for me out there. I feel bad for leeching off of them this long but I don’t have the money and I know on the little times I’ve been truly alone I’ve come seconds away from being another body bag. What is there out there? Exploration that I don’t want to do? Finding a job that ranges from hating it but gets enough money to get by or a job I like where I get paid like I work at McDonald’s? Wasting my time searching for some magical fucking unicorn of a girl to not think I’m repugnant and take me as her like fiftieth option only for us to end in loveless marriage where she’s fucking my friend because I have nothing to offer, if I CAN EVEN FIND A WOMAN? Maybe ending up in a loveless hetero marriage where I’m used as a fucking toy to some manchild before I gut myself? Having kids that I’ll want to strangle after having that little fucker destroy my body even further than I already have before they grow up to be a crack dealer before killing me and taking my last sixteen bucks? Building a collection that just gets me a small hit of dopamine for spending like $50 a day, only for some scum of the fucking earth to break in and steal it all? Care about politics for every single fucking brain-rotted 900-year-old to stroll up and pick the dumbest fucking decisions possible and send everybody back to the fucking Stone Age? Eat myself to death to get that last shred of dopamine? Care about my appearance for it to just continually get worse until I fit perfectly into everyone’s favorite little trailer trash trope? WHAT IS THERE TO FUCKING LIVE FOR?! If this is supposed to be the goddamn peak of my life both physically and emotionally and I’m sitting here staring at a screen and praying that I get 100 fucking people to sit and watch me play with dolls?

A random thought, but I rewatched Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron recently. It’s been one of my favorite movies since I was a kid but I don’t watch it often so I don’t get burnt out on it, so when I rewatched it the other day it felt like I was watching it for the first time. I was legitimately crying at the end because I love that movie so much. I pretty much never feel anything after watching a movie besides “Oh that was pretty good” or “That was bad.” This feeling I got in that moment was pure fucking bliss. I for once felt like life was worth living, like the world could be beautiful and people could make art so powerful that it actually changes you. I know, I know, it’s stupid. But my heart was soaring and I felt like humans weren’t actual hell for once. Life is precious and worth it and you can find the most brilliant amazing beautiful things in places where most people might not. I loved a lot of movies before, and I’ve always loved this movie but this time it felt like it hit me just perfectly. I’ve seen movies that made me feel a certain way, but I was full-on bawling afterwards out of joy for once. I couldn’t stop crying and smiling.

I still don’t know why I felt so happy after it.

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notafraidofredyellowandblue · 3 years ago

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Richard Kruspe - Rockantenne interview 2021 (German)

2021-11-11, on the release of the new Emigrate album

Couple of intersting bits (apart from what we read in other interviews)

Richard actually likes mondays, because sundays are often a bit quiet and you're on your own, and mondays get everything moving again and you're distracted by lots of things to do.

The 2019 tour was a real dopamine-boost, big stadiums, everybody telling them how great they played, and then when it was it over, the low was lower than he ever experienced before, like a junkie missing his shot, and he had lost himself afterwards (maybe some would call it midlife crisis).

Emigrate is an outlet for Richard because he also wanted to create new songs, he never had a need to play more live, his live-playing-needs are completely filled with Rammstein, he never had the feeling that he misses something there. He mentions that in that aspect he is very different to Till, because Till really loves playing live. It's not that he doesn't like playing live, just that he has everything he needs with Rammstein.

At the question if these are all the Emigrate-songs there are, or if there are even more, Richard mentions that there are more ideas, for years and years he wrote songs everyday, but the songs on the album are the ones that most spoke to him with regards to 'memory' and helping him find his way back to enjoy music. He also mentions he doesn't spend as much time in the studio anymore as in the past, not at nights or in weekends. He likes to spend time now too with his kids, or his girlfriend, or trying to find a hobby and has a bit better balance between music and other things in life than before.

The TPoM album was actually almost ready in october 2020 already, but he has a main-band and as Rammstein decided to get together and play again in september 2020, he had to divide his time, and it maybe didn't pull as hard on the Emigrate project, also hasn't got a budget like Rammstein so he often has to wait until people are available, and that's why it lasted until now before the album was published.

He sees TPoM as a kind of wrapper around all the Emigrate stuff from the beginning until now, as in a way an end, but not necessarily the end of Emigrate, just that he doesn't know yet what way he wants to go with Emigrate in the future. He mentioned a while ago maybe electronic, but that's just an idea, nothing is fixed yet, whole playing field is still open.

Richard always likes to let the listener develop their own story to his music and his videos, he doesn't feel the need to tell people what to imagine to it. He just did a podcast with fans where he wanted to hear exactly these own interpretations or stories that fans had, as it turns out there were a lot of sad stories, that Emigrate songs reach a lot of people going through difficult times; it made Richard consider if maybe he should do a happy song for a change.

#richard interview #richard kruspe #emigrate #rammstein

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luque-moreau · 4 years ago

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y'know i think its about time ive refurbished my psychonauts headcanons/theories

what??? me??? rewriting my psychonauts headcanons in a more comprehensible and informed way???

alright, i think everyone knows what im talking about, by headcanons i mean headcanon as in singular, and as singular, i mean my "raz is somewhere on the spectrum of adhd".

so lets just get into it:

what is adhd actually?

adhd by definition stands for attention deficit hyperactive/hyperfocus disorder (yes, let me get into the details in just a sec). it is a nerodevelopmental disorder that is almost completely reliant on genetic factors, however conditions during pregnancy can sometimes contribute to certain aspects of how adhd manifests itself.

long story short, people with adhd have a smaller frontal lobe, and therefore less dopamine in general (even though yes, it is more complicated than that).

theres also a little bit of "chicken or the egg first" goin on here, certain behaviors or personality tendencies can also affect how adhd is presented in one individual to the next, however its still not clear if that is because it is an accommodating for a certain thought process or if someones experiences and personality shape their symptoms of adhd entirely. its a very blurry line, and the answer is different for everybody.

hyperactive type

hyperactive type is probably the closest to most stereotypical depictions of adhd, think the 5 year old whos parents brush off their child’s hyperactivity as something that will “go with age”. however, this isn’t only present in children, adults with adhd have to deal with a constant need for stimuli to make up for the lack of dopamine their current activity is providing them. this results in someone fidgeting frequently in repetitive or predictable motions, unable to hold attention to a specific task for long periods of time, or many other of the symptoms associated with adhd.(i sadly cannot provide more information in this area, i am not knowledgeable enough to...)

hyperfocus type

hyperfocus type is a tricky one, it can look like the complete opposite of adhd in theory. hyperfocus can look similar to special interests or hyperfixation, a great deal of time and knowledge dedicated to a very particular thing (although it is important to note that even though hyperfixations and special interests are incredibly similar, special interests is a term more typically used within autistic-circles, and isnt really the best word to use if you happen to be neurotypical). Think of maybe that kid who knows all the cool animal facts and won’t shut up about them. Its because certain trains of thought or activities might release more dopamine then others, so to get more of that dopamine, someone of hyperfocus type will be mentally unable to stop thinking or doing a very specific task or topic. this results in someone seemingly always spacing out, unable to change subjects or changing subjects too fast or with little to no correlation, or being completely unable to have enough motivation to do simple things.

personally i tend to fall under the category of hyperfocus myself rather than hyperactive, however the two are not mutually exclusive, its more common to find people with both types rather than just one. even myself, i might exhibit more tendencies to place me under the label of hyperfocus, but that doesn’t mean i don’t have any symptoms of the hyperactive type. its my personality that affects my mannerisms, which then makes certain aspects of my symptoms more or less apparent. Thats because im an INTP-T, i just tend to be more to myself and constantly in a state of thinking abstractly. I have trouble communicating and even sometimes recognizing my needs, and get to a point where im unable to do the simplest of things without feeling emotionally drained. Thats just my experience though, everybodys different.

so what the fuck does this have to do with raz then?

well lets think about it, rather than have it just be me projecting myself onto a comfort character:

raz finds issue with connecting to kids his age

lets be honest. none of the campers really like raz that much. or at least some do the bare minimum to be try and be polite. it doesn’t seem like any of the other campers besides dogen, whos also socially outcasted, are really fond of raz. lili might like him, but that can definitely be interpreted as curiosity in someone new and different from the norm. It might not be that the kids despise him, but nobodys opinionated enough to care whether he is around or not.

social isolation is one of the most damning things i had to experience from an early age and still feel even today. there is a sense of feeling that you are different among your peers, whether that is a good thing or bad thing. it feels difficult to interact with other people you are not familiar with, and can really stunt you emotionally and socially. from a really early age, theres somethin in you that knows something is very different between the experiences of your peers compared to your own, and it can feel incredibly isolating.

raz and his borderline stupidity

time to get real again. raz is a fucking idiot. at least in the sense that sometimes his decisions seem incredibly spontaneous and not really thought through. he runs from home to attend a summer camp, not really thinking about the logistics of how he will get there, how the staff will react, how long its gonna take for his parent to find him, and so on. it doesn’t seem like he over or underestimates his abilities, he just goes for it without considering. that doesnt seem like the smartest thing to do, even though we know hes incredibly intelligent when it comes to larger, abstract situations. its the little details that he misses, small minuet things that seem unimportant that he overlooks, which can sometimes make things harder for him in the end.

i think its obvious that impulsivity is one symptom of adhd. however i cannot stress how difficult it is to think at supersonic speed and still feel incredibly stupid. i mean, thinking faster doesn’t inherently mean you will have better ideas, you can always be stupider faster, but being able to realize stupid mistakes or inconsistencies in your own thought process is annoying as hell. it feels like every time you try to recognize the issue, fix it, and move forward, you only end up not paying attention to another issue that gets bigger and more annoying than the first. Its always two steps forward, one step back, constantly making the same mistakes even though you try everything in your power to avoid them or grow as a person. The simplest of facts, ideas, or just things to remember end up being forgotten, and once youre reminded of them you remember them and feel like an idiot. however, arbitrary things and complex issues are much easier to digest and remember for me, things like history and the whole blame game charade of it all, biology and how every minuet thing has a greater impact on others and intertwines with every single factor of its environment, philosophy and theorizing why we think the way we do and what can be changed. but oh shit, im a dumbass i forgot to do my laundry. shit. god fuckin dammit.

empathy over sympathy

one of the basic themes of psychonauts is empathy. simple as that. raz goes around into other peoples brains, and tries to help them as much as he can, even if his efforts are not always successful in the way he intended. he never demonizes anyone to the point of unredeemability, and can empathize and understand other peoples perspectives. hes open to new ideas and

although some studies out there theorize that empathy is impaired due to adhd, from my perspective i feel like that is simply not true. if anything, i would say the sensitivity that comes with adhd (hypersensitivity) only enhances that empathy. i could definitely see social disconnection being one of the reasons it might appear that someone with adhd is less empathetic, however i would doubt that adhd would impair a persons empathy. adhd tends to also entail heightened emotions, this doesn’t necessarily mean a more outwardly emotional person, however it definitely shifts a persons perspective of their own emotions as well as others. the concept of hypersensitivity also completely contradicts the idea of people with adhd be less empathetic.

miscommunication and disconnect

sigh, the dad thing. yup. raz has that very iffy relationship with his dad at the beginning of the game which is eventually resolved. very abruptly, might i add. but thats not what this is about, thats a topic for another day. miscommunication seemed to be the root of the issue, however we only get razs side of the story. not to mention the severity of his claims and willingness to seemingly drop everything afterwards. kinda sus, ngl.

alright this ones a doosey. this, i feel, cements my theory pretty well. like i mentioned before, social disconnect and hypersensitivity are side effects of the symptoms of adhd. this means people with adhd are highly more likely to either misinterpret someones words or actions if those in question are not completely transparent, its because they tend to overthink and interpenetrate responses with too much thinkin n such. the social disconnect makes a whole lot of it worse, it can just pile on top of already established feelings of inadequacy and isolation. and oversharing as a poor coping mechanism isnt an exclusively adhd related thing, it tends to be shared within similar neruodevelopmental disorders such as autism or even ptsd. i find it incredibly easy to disconnect myself from my own emotions at times and think critically at what i feel and how it affects me. which is a bad thing. if i dont acknowledge my emotions like they are my own for too long, everything falls apart. its not fun. but, that disconnect can make talking about certain more traumatic experiences or instances that had deep personal effects on my life and development as a person much easier to just share. and not always in an appropriate manner, comedic opportunity can be v e r y enticing. this also explains why raz might have been able to drop everything about his dad after he apologized. he didn’t really, he probably still suffers just as much afterwards as he did before. but he probably wont realize that for awhile, since logically, the issue has been resolved. long story short, he has not had the time to cope, and to put that off he detaches himself from those feelings. w a c k

of course i have other reasons why i feel like raz could potentially have adhd, or at least be accurately represented in headcanon with adhd, some minor mentions being:

he uses his camp map as a journal to track his in-game progress, list of goals, and notes/snip-its of information. writing down information on some form of notepad or book is a common tool used by kids and even adults with adhd to help them keep track of minuet, individual tasks. its just using a planner, but with a bit more information.

just from my personal perspective, the lengths raz goes to pursue his dream of being a psychonaut feel more like a special interest/hyper fixation sort of thing. he can jump between having genuine conversations with his fellow campers and just exploring the campground, to investing himself entirely in obtaining his goal, even when it seems almost impossible. thats some serious dedication to one very specific thing, y’know?

this one isnt as solid as the other but: m̶̖̰̯̫̍͝o̵̦͖̟͈̹̤̥̝͐̿̄̀̀̎̓ņ̶̛̭̠̐̊̆̍͝ķ̸̝͈̺̙̰̊e̶͉͚̼̅̔͗̂͐̍̕͝͝y̶̦̖̼͖̪͎̝̖̠̐̑͋̾̔̑́͐͘ ̵̢̲̘͎͉̔̀͒̄͌͊̀͌̀m̴̲̫̮̪̖̍̐͆̕͜͝ͅả̶͙͚͗n̶̗̳̩̙̘̼̦̦͇͝ ̷̡̨̡͔̗͕̘͍̥̑͒̎̐̃g̴͔̔̈̅̐̏́̌̔̈́́o̶̥̱̽̆̂͌̀͗ ̶͛́��̩͙͕s̴̛͓̥̲̜͓͚̣̠̆̓̌͌p̶̜̹̯̦̫̯̣̎͐̽̉̾ḙ̴͇̬͑̈́̐̈́͘͠ͅȅ̶̡̗̞̩͔̫̪͈͑̓͗d̵̠͇͎̜͔͇͒̈́́̀̅̈́̒͘y̸̡̦̠̻̖̥̿ͅ. yeah, its the most generalizing reason but look, hes moving nonstop the entire game, climbing and running around the entire goddamn place wrecking havoc. a bit of imp can be found in most people with adhd if you look hard enough.

so thanks for reading this far i guess? im oversharing even right now with this, like an i d i o t but yknow what i dont want to read the great gatsby rn, so ive got nothin better to do. who knows, maybe the second game will give us more info to either support/discredit this theory? gotta wait for pn2 i guess

:^)

#psychonauts #psychonauts 2 #theory #headcanon #razputin aquato #this is real biased #isnt it

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todorokiaimee · 4 years ago

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Dopamine Chapter 5

Previous Chapter

“Hey, Sero! Thanks for hosting tonight,” Kirishima said as he pulled an ice-cold beer out of the fridge. “It’s been a long time since we had a guys night.”

Sero nodded as he looked over the Uno cards in his hand. “No problem dude. I’m always happy to pull you away from your old ball and chain.”

“Well, Marina and I are still a while off from the wedding.” Kirishima chuckled as he rejoined the game, the guys all gathered around Sero’s kitchen table.

“Fuck, don’t get him talking about Fish Sticks,” Bakugou grumbled. “He’ll never shut up.” Kirishima’s fiancé Marina had always rubbed Bakugou the wrong way but even he couldn’t deny the fact that they were made for each other. That fact aside, he still refused to call her by name.

“Speaking of little ladies…” The redhead smirked, before playing his card down on the pile. “Bakugou! Would you be so kind as to give us an update on your mystery woman?”

It had been a few days since Bakugou and Jada’s date. The blonde couldn’t deny the chemistry between them, but he was resigned to keep things casual for now. Love and hero work just didn’t mix. It’s only a distraction and gives your enemies something to use against you. Even so, he couldn’t get the dark-skinned beauty out of his mind ever since he first laid his eyes on her.

“Mystery woman?” Kaminari questioned as he played a draw 2 card. “The one he ditched us for on Mina’s birthday?”

“The one and the same,” Kirishima smirked, turning toward his friend. “Spill dude.”

Bakugou scoffed, playing his turn. “I don’t kiss and tell boys.”

“Boo you whore!” Kaminari laughed.

“We need to know more about the chick that effectively pulled you out of the booty call business.” Sero pushed as he took a drink of his beer.

I’m pretty sure I’m her booty call. But not for long. “I don’t owe you guys shit.”

“Can we get a name a least?”

“It’s Jada!” Kirishima confessed with a toothy grin.

“Jada!” Kaminari cooed. “First name basis already?! Things are getting serious!”

Bakugou only shrugged, drinking his beer. “She’s American so... not really.”

“Oh American!” Sero quirked a brow, laying down his card. “Taking a page out of Todoroki’s book, huh?” He smirked, sure he’d get a rise out his friend.

“I’m nothing like fucking Half n Half!” The ash-blonde barked.

“You don’t know what you’re missing with these American girls, Sero.” Kirishima smiled, laying down a wild card. “They’re so bold. Jada certainly isn’t letting Bakugou off easy. Oh, and I pick Blue.”

“Ooof I love it when they play hard to get,” The electric hero groaned, biting his lip. “Only makes me want them more.”

“We know.” The rest of the gang deadpanned.

Sero shook his head as Kaminari played a reverse card. “You went after Jiro for a solid 3 years before you got wise.”

“Oh, Jiro…,” Denki sighed lovingly. “The one that got away. I really thought we had an unspoken thing.”

Bakugou rolled his eyes with a grunt. “She was fucking gay you twat!”

“Well, I know that now! Also, can we talk about how hot she and YaoMomo are together? I mean damn.”

“I thought we were grilling Bakugou?” Kirishima interjected, playing a draw 4 card.

“Yeah,” Sero agreed, picking up his cards before playing his turn. “You’re not off the hook yet. Tell us!”

“Fuckin weirdos.” Bakugou hummed, leaning back in his chair. He never liked to talk about his exploits but he took pity on the guys. He was the only one of them actually dating besides Kirishima and his almost married stories were just a mushy love fest. “You know I only like the best so…” He smirked, looking around the room as his friends waited in anticipation. “She has this crazy body… like stacked. Legs for days. Piercings. Green eyes and smooth dark skin…”

“American and Black?” Kaminiari interrupted. “I sense a pattern here.” Sero shushed him, urging Bakugou to continue.

“She’s smart too. She fixed my gauntlet with just tools in her purse,” He chuckled, remembering her tinkering on his gauntlet with ease. “She’s unpredictable. Whenever I think she’s gonna go right, she goes left. It drives me fucking crazy but there’s something about her.” He paused, stroking the stubble of his beard as he mumbled. “She’s just different.”

The room fell silent as they looked at their explosive friend in awe until Kirishima finally said what they all were thinking. “Dude. You’re gushing. Like actually gushing about a girl.” He paused as a huge grin pulled at his lips. “You’re catching feelings!”

“The fuck I am!”

“Yes, you are! Ask me how I know.”

“I swear to God if you bring up Marina again I will--”

“You just called her Marina!” Kirishima laughed as his friend let loose a small explosion in his hardened face.

“Don’t be shy, dude,” Sero teased. “It’s about time actually. We were getting worried about you.”

“Shut up!” Bakugou grumbled. “Let’s get back to the game.”

“Okay, let’s hurry this up because I’m ready to move onto phase two of the night,” Kaminari said as he played another reverse card.

“What’s phase two?” The redhead asked as he played a reverse card back to Kaminari.

“It’s a surprise!”

“I’m probably gonna hate it but fine.” Bakugou huffed.

“Uno!” The electric hero cheered as he played yet another reverse card.

“Fuck!” Bakugou yelled as he looked over to his guilty-looking redheaded friend. “Shitty hair if you play another reverse I’m going to reverse your existence.”

“I’m sorry! That’s all I can play!” He grimaced as he laid down the card.

“And a wild card for the win!” Kaminari boasted, laying down his last card. “Fork it over bitches!”

The men all groaned as they took out their wallets, each tossing 10k yen onto the table. “Why were we playing and betting on fucking Uno anyway?” Bakugou mumbled.

“Because Denki doesn’t know how to play poker.” Sero huffed.

Kirishima chuckled. “Well, it worked out fine for him I guess…”

“Okay, it’s time for phase two!” Kaminari said as he pocketed the money. “We’re going to the strip club! I’m gonna take your money and make it rain!“

__________________________________________________________________________

Filing out of the uberX, the boys made their way to a seemingly everyday luxury building, Denki talking over his shoulder, “Guys you are going to love this place. It’s called The Secret Garden. Super classy and discrete.”

Sero laughed as he pulled out his ID, walking up to the bouncer at the door. “Dude all I need to know is are the girls hot?”

“Well duh.” The electric hero chuckled. “My girl Tiffany can throw it back.”

“I should probably call Marina and tell her the change of plans,” Kirishima mumbled apologetically as he took out his cell phone.

“Heh. Pussy.” Bakugou jeered as his friend stepped away to call his fiancé.

It was then that Kaminari looked amongst his friends as they all took turns showing their IDs. “Everybody’s got cash money, right? The ladies do not take cards. I found that out the hard way.” With an affirmation from the rest of the crew, Kirishima returned to the group, pocketing his cell phone.

“What did Fish Sticks say?” Bakugou asked the redhead with a smug smirk. “Do you have to go crawling back home with your dick between your legs?”

“She’s cool,” he shrugged. “She said I could browse the menu as long as I don’t order anything.”

“No lap dances for you then.” Sero laughed.

“That’s cool,” Denki said with a bright smile, leading everyone inside. “The main stage is where the best girls dance anyway.”

As the men made their way up to the mainstage of the club, Bakugou took a moment to gauge his surroundings. There was mellow house music pumping through the speakers has men and even a few women sat around in comfy chairs as gorgeous scantily clad women danced sensually on top of them or just talked with them seemingly enjoying their company. Strip clubs always made Bakugou vaguely uncomfortable but he couldn’t put his finger on just why. Maybe it was just the very public nature of traditionally intimate activities. It didn’t matter anyway, there was no way he was going to be seen as the prude of the group.

The group of friends all sat down around the edge of the main stage, each pulling out a healthy wad of cash to prepare for their first dance. Denki however, took it a step further as per usual. The hero pulled out a money gun, eagerly loading it up with his Uno winnings from earlier that night. As the others rolled their eyes at their eccentric friend, a petite pink-haired woman dressed in a frilly lace baby doll set walked up to the man with a sweet smile. “Mr. Kaminari welcome back! It’s been so long since you last came to play with us.” Sakura cooed as she batted her lashes.

“Princess! Good to see you! I’m sorry it’s been a while. Duty calls.” Denki smirked as he flexed his biceps, not so subtly. “Tiffany should be performing on the main stage tonight, right?”

“Umm, how many times have you been here?” Kirishima whispered to his electric friend.

“Sorry hun,” Sakura apologized. “She called in sick tonight. But my girl Nubia is about to go on. She always puts on an amazing show.”

“Nubia, huh?” Denki hummed as he scratched his chin. “I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure of watching her dance. This should be fun!”

Bakugou sighed as he stood up from his seat. “I’m gonna go get a beer.” The man made his way back to the bar, the bartender taking his order as the lights on the mainstage went out, a woman crossing the floor. He hummed as he paid for his drink taking a sip as the MC’s voice rang through the speakers.

“Welcome back to the main stage our exotic beauty and tonight your faithful assistant, Nubia!”

As the lights lifted, Bakugou watched from the bar as the dancer stood on stage, her back to the audience. Dressed in tight office attire, she tossed random papers into the air as James Brown’s “It’s a Man’s World” played throughout the club. (https://youtu.be/ilMV5tu9bcQ)

And then she turned around.

No. Fucking. Way. The explosive hero nearly choked on his beer as he stared. He knew those dark locs and green eyes anywhere. The woman on stage was in fact, Jada Jackson.

He continued to watch from afar as she twirled around the pole to the music, slowly peeling off articles of clothing until she was left in a silver bra and thong set. He clenched his fists as he seethed watching her long legs wave in the air, her curves on full display. This can’t be happening. Bakugou willed himself to stay calm as his friends cheered her on, cursing under his breath as she finally rid herself of her metallic bra, leaving her chest bare to the world. It was then that Jada crawled across the stage floor, right up to his friends staring in awe.

Jada smirked as she went up to the blonde who had been very enthusiastic, shooting yen bills onto the stage with his money gun. Kaminari practically drooled as his eyes flicked from her full breasts to her green eyes and back again, “Good God, where have you been all my life?”

“Waiting for you, sweetheart,” Jada breathed as she moved her body seductively, her eyes flicking to the large wad of cash in his hand. “Is that for me?”

“Uh-huh!”

“Then slide it in, baby.” She smirked as she stretched out the band of her thong. Denki eagerly slipped the stack of bills into the band as she let out a lewd moan followed by a delighted giggle. “I love a nice thick one.”

Denki gulped, exploring all the possibilities in his mind. “Let me take you away from all this…”

Next, Jada turned her gaze to Sero, a nervous smile plastered across his face. “Look at that smile. Aren’t you a cutie.”

“T-thank you, ma’am.” He stuttered as he put his cash tip into her thong band as well.

“So polite. Thank you, sir.” Jada gave him a wink before crawling over to her next target, Kirishima. She giggled to herself as she knelt on her knees before him, his eyes refusing to look anywhere below her neck. “Someone looks a little shy.”

“Heh yeah… maybe a bit.” He chuckled as he rubbed the back of his neck timidly.

“Relax, honey. I don’t bite.” She purred as Kirishima laughed, showing off his pointy pearly whites. “Oh. But maybe you do.” Jada breathed as she came up with an idea. “I think I’d like these chompers right… here.” Just then, the ravenette grabbed his head, pulling his face into her large breasts, giving them a shimmy for added effect.

THE FUCK?! Bakugou couldn’t believe his eyes. He silently seethed as he chugged his beer. Here was his girl, the woman he had invested so much time and energy on, and his friends are ogling her freely. His palms popped and sparked as he crushed his beer can in his fist as Jada finished her dance, collecting her clothes and tips before disappearing into the back. The hero stomped back up to the stage with his eyes filled with rage, Denki taking notice of his friend.

“Dude! You missed the whole dance! I think I just met my future wife.”

“Shut the fuck up Kaminari.” Bakugou practically spat, as he walked up to another dancer. “Oi! The girl that was just on stage. When is she coming back out?”

The woman looked him up and down before giving the hero a playful smirk. “You want a dance, baby? I’d be happy to help you out.”

“Don’t flatter yourself.” He said dismissively. “When is Ja- Nubia coming back out?”

“I’ll go get her.”

The dancer turned on her heel with a sigh before walking backstage and into the dressing room. “Hey, Jada?” She looked around the small crowded area quickly finding the dark-skinned beauty amongst her fairer colleagues.

“Yeah?” She asked as she fixed her makeup.

“You got a request for a dance.”

“Really?” Jada mumbled, a smile pulling at her plump lips. “Must be my lucky night. I got some great tippers stageside tonight. Was it the skinny blonde one with the black streak in his hair?”

“No it was a blonde but he had a spikey undercut… super buff too.” The dancer hummed as she played with her hair. “Nasty attitude though so I would be careful. Should I tell Tanaka to keep an eye on him?”

“NO!” Jada yelled before quickly recovering, “Um I mean, I got it. I’ll be right out, just let me change into a new set.”

After quickly changing into a new navy bra and pantie set, Jada nervously made her way back onto the club floor, praying to whoever would listen. Please don’t be him. Please don’t be him. Please don’t be him. She held her breath as she looked around the room, a pair of ruby red eyes locking with hers instantly. Fuck it is him. Her heart dropped into her stomach as the ash-blonde walked up to her, practically steaming. “Hi handsome, you want a dance?”

“You’re just gonna act like everything’s fine? Really?” Bakugou fumed. “Were you ever gonna tell me?!”

“Okay! Sounds like you want a private dance! Follow me to the champagne room, sir.”

With a flip of her long dark locs, Jada led Bakugou out across the floor, his friends quickly taking notice. He ignored their cheers for what they thought would be a seductive dance at his request. Instead, their hoots and hollers only fueled his rage even more. Once inside the ultra-private champagne room, Jada was the first one to speak. “I can explain.”

“This should be rich, Dimples.”

“This is only temporary.”

“Temporary?” He scoffed as he crossed his muscular arms.

“Yes!” Even she knew she didn’t sound very convincing.

Bakugou laughed, rolling his eyes. “I swear to God if you tell me you’re only doing this to pay for law school or some bullshit like that--”

“I’m doing this to pay for a number of things that I’m not at liberty to discuss with you. And frankly, I don’t owe you shit!”

“Well, you’re so full of shit that you must have plenty to go around!”

Jada bit her lip as she let out a deep sigh. She really didn’t think she was going to have this conversation with him this soon if ever. “Look, I have to make a living, same as everybody else. When YOU go to the strip club someone has to dance for you. So obviously you were okay with that arrangement as long as your girl wasn’t on stage.”

“I didn’t want to fucking come! The point is you fucking lied to me!”

“I never lied to you.”

“You didn’t tell me the whole truth!”

“You didn’t ask the right questions.”

Bakugou groaned as he raked his hand through his hair, exasperated. “Fuck! I can’t believe you actually had me bragging to my boys about you. Me! Bakugou fucking Katsuki gushing over a woman.” The hero was so furious he was shaking. In fact, he was more than furious, he was embarrassed. “I sang your praises to my friends only for you to turn around and take your clothes off for them!” He laughed as he shook his head in disgust. “Oh, and you let my best friend motorboat you too. Can’t forget that.”

The ravenette paused, taking a step back, turning her eyes away from his burning gaze. “I’m not going to apologize for doing my job. You and friends came here to be entertained and I delivered.”

“I’m a Pro Hero for fucks sake!” Bakugou yelled, throwing his hands into the air. “I can’t date a stripper. Not knowing any extra off the street with a yen can see your goods.”

Jada paused, unsure of what to say. She wasn’t surprised by his reaction, but she didn’t expect the bite of his words to cut her so deep. I knew this was a bad idea. I knew you were a bad idea. “Well, let me rid you of that problem. You won’t be seeing me anymore.” She said coldly before holding her hand out to him. “That’s 55,000 yen for the dance.”

“What?!” He barked in confusion.

“The champagne room is super private and luxurious. No cameras so as to not hurt your precious image.” She hissed as her nose began to tingle. “It costs more and my boss is expecting a cut.” Don’t you fucking do it, Jada. You will not cry in front of him. “I know you’re good for it so let’s not drag this out.”

The blonde scoffed, digging into this pants pocket to pull out his wallet. “I can’t believe I have to pay for a fucking fight,” he mumbled, taking out a wad of cash. “You didn’t even dance…”

“Yeah but like you said…” Jada said as she snatched the money from his hand. “Your boys enjoyed the show, didn’t they?”

To stop himself from completely losing his cool, Bakugou pushed past the woman and stomped back out onto the club floor. He sulked up to his group of friends, now watching a new dancer on stage. Kirishima was the first one to spot him, immediately noticing his abnormally hostile energy and his overly red face.

“Whoa! Where’s the fire, bro?”

“We’re leaving!” Bakugou bellowed, walking over to the door.

“Dude, what happened?” Sero asked as they all got up from their seats before following Bakugou out of the building. “Did you not like your dance? She was hot.”

“Did you like it a little too much?” Denki chuckled as he gave the ash-blonde a slap on the back. “Cuz I mean I wouldn’t blame ya. That’s a meal I’d eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”

“SHUT UP!” Bakugou yelled, punching his well-meaning friend in the face, his frustrations finally getting the better of him. Stumbling backward, Kaminari held his nose in his hands as he groaned in pain.

“Katsuki! What the fuck dude?!” Kirishima shouted as he steadied the electric hero. “What’s the matter with you?”

“That was her!” Bakugou boomed as he paced the sidewalk.

“Who?”

“Jada!”

The men all stared at Bakugou blankly, not understand who he meant.

“The stripper…” he explained through gritted teeth. “Nubia. It’s fucking Jada!”

The group of friends all looked at each other in confusion until the reality of the situation finally clicked into place, all of them shouting at once, “FUCK!”

Meanwhile, inside the club, Jada left the champagne room with her head hung low as she silently counted the wad of cash from her almost beau. Eizan was right… I was stupid for even trying. With a sigh, she sauntered backstage to the dressing room, plopping down in her makeup chair. She was so lost in her own thoughts that she didn’t even notice her best friend pull up a seat next to her.

“Wow, girl look at that fat wad! What did you have to do to get that?” Sakura asked cheerfully.

“Nothing…” Jada breathed, putting the cash away for safekeeping.

“Sweetheart, why do you look so upset? What happened? Did that guy do something to you?” The pink-haired woman quickly looked her friend over for any marks or bruises, her concern growing.

“No, I'm fine.” Jada insisted as she touched up her makeup, taking special care that her eyeliner and mascara were still intact. “I just got a reality check is all.”

Chapter 6 | Masterlist

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lulu2992 · 5 years ago

Text

What I learned listening to Far Cry 5′s audio files

The game’s lore, as told by its characters.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

Zip Kupka

Biography

Zip believes in a lot of conspiracy theories but prefers to call them “conspiracy facts”. He says that:

The government brainwashes people through food, movies, TV, and video games. They’re all the same and everything is a sequel because it’s all propaganda. Companies are all sent the same templates. Among the “goblins”, there are seven “ultraliberals” who write everything

The government feeds people their agenda through TV. They market sugar cereals and cartoon to kids because they cause a dopamine spike and their mind control then becomes “hard-wired as a pleasurable experience”

Kids’ cartoon is full of submissive, cowardly characters with a police-state type of mentality being the norm

Thanks to the current technology, “the elite” can size up any person and customize their brainwashing. This is made easier by the fact everybody connected to a mobile device has an electronic profile somewhere

There are no children in Hope County but there are baby farms in Silicon Valley. Elon Musk even has one. They harvest them for body parts and the unhealthy one end up in pit fights. He knows because he discovered the box scores coded in Oprah’s book club

The Apocalypse is just a distraction and the world is not coming to an end. It’s a demonically driven government ploy, a scare tactic to pull our attention away from what the government is really plotting: the EEM (Eradication of Electronic Money)

Tower 7 (World Trade Center) was destroyed by thermite charges

There are black helicopters that only come out at night so we can’t see them. We can hear them if we listen carefully, though

Global warming is a ruse created by China to torpedo US manufacturing

“Government fuckery” also includes chemtrails, weather manipulation, pesticides, and genetic modifications.

As for the current situation in Hope County, Zip believes that:

Eden’s Gate is “a clandestine plot of the globalist cabal of demonic interdimensional goblin vampires to erode the belief in Christianity and God to usher in the Apocalypse”

There are no baby animals anymore because the Bliss has turned all animals homosexual. Frogs are now having massive orgies

Joseph is charismatic because he’s been speech trained. “The pitch, the tempo, the way the words roll off his gentle lips, his mannerisms” are proof he was sent by the government

It’s because the people of Hope County have always been a thorn in the government’s side that they sent Eden’s Gate

John’s “atheist masters” use his bunker for sexual rituals

Eden’s Gate got bombs full of nanites that make humans sterile from the US Army.

Zip claims that he predicted the roadblocks and everything that’s happening in the county. He believes we need to put a stop to the Satanists before they steal people’s life force. Even though he’s worried about all animals turning homosexual, he insists he has nothing against homosexuality and says his brother, who’s gay, is “a great man with a wonderful family”. Zip has been to paradise in the late nineties… or so he says.

Comments about other characters

He would normally say “fuck the police” but the Deputy is alright. He’s happy that Boomer is a “real dog”, one a cowboy could have, and not like those that live in purses. According to him, dogs are smarter and more loyal than people. Cheeseburger is communist because all bears are, even Yogi. Bears also are “the Soviets’ choice”. As for Peaches, she’s “gay from drinking tap water” and now susceptible to mind control because she ate cultists. Cats are the pets of the Illuminati but they can also naturally sense interdimensional globalists.

He says people are lucky Larry is here to keep an eye on outer space.

He thinks Jacob is “bitter”, “mean”, and that the only people following him are the submissive types.

Other characters’ point of view

Adelaide had sex with him once and it was terrible. “Worst lay of my life”, she says, “like a dead fish”.

Grace says he can fix everything but tends to upsell.

Hurk Jr. says Zip loves Clutch Nixon and that he told Hurk Sr. about global warming being a ruse created by China.

Mary May hates him and his theories.

He told Nick that the CDC or the CIA invented a pill to ensure his baby comes out a boy and Nick wants one.

Zip once told Sharky that a race of evil machines coming from spider eggs lives on Mars and that they want to eradicate humanity. Sharky just asked him what the name of his drug dealer was. He also told him 9/11 was perpetrated by interdimensional vampires.

Surprisingly, Willis says he’s right about a lot of things. He explains the government has “a tracking software” that identifies conspiracy theorists and rates them. Zip is a “4.3”. Willis confirms he’s right about the situation on Mars, about the government trying to brainwash people, and about the end of the world usually being a distraction. Eden’s Gate apparently wasn’t sent by the government, though.

Several NPCs add he’s been trying to build a Clutch Nixon museum for years because he’s a fan. A woman remembers she used to see him hiding in the bushes just staring at the livestock. Zip tried to convince everyone that death wasn’t real and that, when you die, everything goes black for a few seconds but then you just pop back into the world as if nothing happened. Having him as a neighbor is terrible because he always burns or blows up things.

#far cry 5 #zip kupka #far cry 5 spoilers

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beerecordings · 5 years ago

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Bee, do you have bastard cats au fluff? Please? Do the kitties know that chase loves them very much? You don’t have to answer but I’d appreciate it

yes of course my friend!! ninja if you want something in specific i will even write u a lil fic or something you just let me know!! also i am always up for talking about my kitty boys but i never do without prompting haha. okay let’s see what we got

Chase used to think cats were a little like girly - like he didn’t look down on women with cats or anything like that but he just always thought his friends would kind of make fun of him if he was like a cat guy so he was always like “uhh yeah i like dogs” even though really he likes soft squishy warm cats

but then he meets Jack and Anti and OHHH MY GOSH HE LOVES CATS SO MUCH??? he ends up staying with the two of them for a while after the divorce and he’s all sad and crying a lot and he won’t always let Jack comfort him so Jack like scoops up Anti and he’s like “buddy I got a special mission for you” and slips Anti into Chase’s room and like… Anti is not a comforting cat lmao but just having him there running around is stimulating for Chase… and then sometimes Anti gives up the ghost and comes and sits purring on Chase’s chest while he cries and Chase rubs his warm soft ears and loves him so much and Anti’s like “okay this guy’s okay, whatever” and lets him

after that Chase NEEDS his kitty fix so he starts volunteering at an animal shelter and just PETTING CATS FOR HOURS YEHHHHH but then holy cow. holy cow. holy cow Jackie

he is the most perfect beautiful cat Chase has ever seen and yes Jackie has some neurological problems and tends to run into walls and get over-excited and stuff and nobody really wants him but Chase - oh, Chase sees him all sad and lonely in his cage and as soon as he opens it up Jackie is the friendliest cat ever to live, charging at Chase and shoving himself into his chest, begging to be petted, cause no matter how many times humans screw him over, Jackie doesn’t care, he’s such a loving cat and Chase doesn’t know why he’s crying but he loves Jackie, he loves him, he can’t leave him here, this is HIS cat and he scoops him up and kisses him and brings him home

Jackie is SOOO HAPPY YESSSS HUMAN ADOPTED HIMMMMMM THIS IS THE DREAMMM

He wakes Chase up with kisses every morning and Chase gives him a big hug and Jackie purrs and purrs. He grows out of awkward little teen cat into BIG BIG BIG RED BOY WITH FUR EVERYWHEREEE just unbelievable fuzz

and yes, yes, yes, he knows Chase loves him, never doubts it for a second, cause Jackie is the warmest cat in the world and Chase is the one who refills his bowl and lets him have bits of his dinner and holds him in his lap and pets him and loves him all the time and Jackie knows, Jackie knows. so he is always trying to love on Chase right back, kissing and arching his spine up beneath his hands and sitting with him when he’s sick or sad, putting his lil paw on Chase’s face and looking him dead in the eye, like sometimes he’s just trying to say it out loud, “I love you dude!!!!!” and Chase just squishes him to his belly and tells him he loves him too against his fur

Jackie is BIG PROTECTIVE of Chase and he WILL fight dogs to keep him safe (but Chase never gives him the chance lol)

Marvin is a surprise kitty cause one of Chase’s aunts leaves him to Chase in her will and Chase is like “you can LEAVE cats to people?” and the answer is yes if that cat is a snow-white show cat worth like three thousand dollars

Chase can’t sell him though because Marvin is the proudest, sassiest, most lovely little cat and Chase adores him from the second he gets his hands on him. Marvin loves walking all over Chase’s chest and pretending he’s not looking at him and ignoring Jackie’s antics because he is too dignified for that - okay maybe he will chase the laser pointer for just one second -

when Marvin gives Chase affection, it’s like being blessed by a picky god, and Chase just closes his eyes and lies back while Marvin steps over all prissy and perfect and bestows gentle headbumps and kneads his claws into his chest

Chase: THE PAIN IS WORTH ITTTTT ily Marvvvv

and Marvin is stepping around all proud like “duh of course you do I’m perfect” (but really he is very nice kitty and very polite and folds his paws and does not beg and always brings Chase dead leaves as presents because he is such a gentleman and so clever, as Chase tells him endlessly

Jackie and Marv always sleep halfway on top of each other and fully on top of Chase. Jackie snores. Chase is so exasperated and he whispers “dumb-ass” and strokes his head and when he wakes up every morning he gets either paws in his face or two happy kitties mirroring each other on his chest, purring with their eyes closed, and he is Happy

Chase, hugging his kitties: thank you for the dopamine tiny babies

After Chase adopts Henrik he does in fact start to get teased a little by his friends but then he’s like wait a second…. i don’t need less cats… i need BETTER FRIENDS SCREW U ZACH DR. HENRIK VON SCHNEEPLESTEIN HAS DONE MORE FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH THAN YOU EVER HAVE AND YES THAT IS HIS LEGAL NAME HE HAS THREE PHDS

Schneep is. VERY MEAN at first actually. When he came into the shelter all torn up (they think a dog got him) he was so gross and sick and flea-covered that no one else really gave him much attention, and he would just lie at the back of his cage wheezing and trying to growl. Chase would pet him, though, and Henrik would just melt and slump down in his arms, too tired to purr, just staring up at Chase like he was begging for help. Everybody told Chase Henrik would die, but he didn’t. Chase had to bring him home

Henrik was very untrusting and angry and hurting and getting in fights with Jackie and Marvin for a few weeks, but Chase just tried to give him space and love and reward him for even the smallest attempts at being sociable, and finally there was this day where Henrik just… broke for Chase. came to him crying and trying to purr and begging for attention and Chase just started crying too and picked him up and loved on him for hours.

now Henrik is a HEALTHY HAPPY SNARKY KITTY always going >:3 and Chase is just his favorite person ever and he hates just about everybody but Chase. he is Chase’s loyal little boy and whenever Chase is feeling bad Henrik seems to be able to tell, cause he’ll follow Chase around like meowing at him, and Chase like gives him a voice and pretends his little doctor is reminding him to take his medicine and everything

also no offense to Jackie and Marv but. Henrik is like. way smarter than them adkfnkdgd he won’t do tricks but he has learned things like he’s not allowed to sit in Chase’s lap when the red light is on the camera, but he can when it isn’t, which Chase just thinks is?? ridiculously smart for a cat?? he’s not sure though

when Jack goes into his coma, it’s one of the hardest times in Chase’s life, and he’s such a mess and can’t focus on anything. but Anti needs him, and so do the other cats. even on his worst days, he finds himself dragging himself out of bed to refill everybody’s food and scoop Anti up before he can start yowling for Jack and crying again. sometimes he can even get up the strength to play with him for a little while, trying to take his mind off his missing owner.

he probably wouldn’t have survived it without his cats, in retrospect. Jackie keeps batting things in front of his face and going :DDD trying to cheer him up, and Marvin’s flaunting his big bushy tail all around the house, brushing on Chase’s legs and face and meowing politely, thanking Chase every time he feeds him. Henrik keeps leading Chase into the kitchen and Chase is too tired to argue with him so he’s like “you want a snack, sweetie? You can have anything you want” and gets the fridge open, but Henrik is just staring pointedly at the leftovers on the top shelf and Chase is like… “i think this cat wants me to eat” so for Henrik’s sake he tries

Anti misses Jack…. but Chase is the one who looks after him now. so he’s gone from his owner, and he’ll always miss him, but… he’s okay, you know? he’s not hurt or hungry or lonely. he’s okay, just like Jack would want him to be. he knows Chase loves him because even when he is a huge troublemaker and throwing a tantrum and trying to be a bastard just because he’s sad and angry, Chase is still gentle with him, Chase forgives him and lets him pretend to hate him only to slink onto the end of his bed late at night….. yeah, Chase loves Anti and Anti knows it. Anti loves him too, though that’s hard to see for just about anybody but Chase himself

and things are okay, they’re holding on, they’re surviving. Chase is trying to keep his head up, but there’s a long time where it feels like Jack and the cats are all he can think about, and even they kind of make him sad, because they remind him of Jack and make him think he’s been a horrible owner, never able to spend enough time on them when he’s on his down days. he needs something to pour his energy and love into, something to distract him from everything, something new

and there he is - the perfect baby boy

Jamie is a tiny, tiny, tiny kitty who’s been living on the streets for all of his short life and Chase falls in love with him. he finds him in the gutter a couple blocks down the street - no one else has noticed because Jamie can barely meow, this tiny little whisper-cry - but Chase sees him. he spends three hours trying to get Jamie out of there. afterwards he has this filthy, mostly-blind, malnourished, stinking baby cat who needs him desperately, and there’s no going back after that. there’s no giving Jamie away.

and Jamie love him very much. he seems to know that Chase saved him. he is very tired and weak his first few months and he never gets to be very big - in fact, he will always be a tiny little cat - but Chase thinks he’s the most perfect, beautiful little thing he’s ever seen, and he spends hours nursing him and flattering him and telling him he loves him. Jamie gives him his tiny half-mew and chews on his fingers. he can’t much purr, but Chase recognizes the little coughs and chest-sighs he gives off as his best attempts at it

the other cats are like “BABY????”

Jackie tries to teach him cat kung-fu, jumping around the walls at three am in the morning. Marvin tries to teach him MANNERS in the midst of all these hooligans (Jamie is very polite too in the end but also just as chaotic as his biggest brother). Henrik is!!! very!! hecking!!! concerned for this sick little infant!!! he is licking Jamie all matter-of-factly and rumbling at him like he’s telling him to get better (once Chase catches Henrik carrying Jameson by his baby scruff to sit on HIS bed instead of the couch, but that is a secret because HENRIK VON SCHNEEPLESTEIN DOES NOT SHOW ZE OTHER KITTIES AFFECTION)

Jameson imprints on Chase and follows him around the house like a duckling on tiny kitten paws. it is hard for him because he can’t see well, so Chase starts singing around the house a lot. eventually the cats all learn that this means he is probably not busy and might give them some pets or snacks if they come, so he starts humming and cats converge on him like he’s catnip, with tiny Jamie tottering along behind them or hanging out of Jackie’s mouth like he’s bringing Chase a present

Chase narrates Henrik as German, Jamie as British, Marvin and Jackie as Irish twins, and Anti as SCREECH

he just. he just loves them so much. he knows it’s maybe a little silly to have five cats but he just… loves them. they’re so important. they’re so real to him. they’re not just pets, these are his little buds. he takes care of them and they take care of him.

he comforts them at the vet. they steal his whiskey when he’s not looking. he puts a little bow around Marvin’s neck. Marvin spends two hours purring on his chest when he’s crying the next day. he plays games with them. they hide his socks and make him look for them. and damn, he’s got so many good memories with these little dorks…. Jackie getting stuck in the kitchen drawer, Marvin getting scared by the thunderstorm and needing a hug, splashing Henrik in the face when he got all curious about the kitchen sink, the first time Anti snuggled up with him, Jamie licking gently at his hands while he sat up all night with him just to keep him alive….

They’re his buddies. He loves them. They know. They knew all along. Cats are clever. They know. They won’t forget. They love him too

#soft!anti #long post #bastard cats au

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hockeybeast33-blog · 4 years ago

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Parkinson Disease Concept Chart

Understand relating to the sooner indications and progression of Parkinson's disease. If you've obtained a proper diagnosis of Parkinson's disease, you might need to present outcomes tightly with the health care professional to locate a treatment method make which presents the best relief from signs making use of the fewest side effects. Parkinson's disease is extremely common between individuals aged 50 together with up. Eldepryl capsules are employed combined with levodopa also as carbidopa to cope with symptoms of Parkinson's disease. Men and women who definitely have Parkinson's disease could possibly recognize alterations in their healthy posture on bank account of other signs or symptoms of the disease, as one example muscle mass firmness.

Levodopa is often extremely effective for controlling tremors and yet another engine signs earlier in the disease. Individuals with Parkinson's disease have decrease head dopamine levels. These are among the hard questions men and women with Parkinson's disease are confronted by. Suitable now, the institution is increasing the volume of evaluating it is actually performing, moving from a group of 38 men and women to 70. Determined by the Guardian , the very best aim is often to execute a longitudinal study with "many" of people because of their forties before them acquiring at risk of the disease and moreover prior to they start showing physical symptoms. Every time, our business offers the assistance, education, and moreover research which may assist everybody influenced by Parkinson's disease are living lifestyle regarding the fullest extent. 1 among definitely probably the most tough decisions a person with Parkinson's disease (PD) will face is choosing specifically what medications to utilize to handle the option may be a function of a number of elements like the specific signs or symptoms obtaining treatment solution, the medication's effectiveness, together with price. Standard firmness that can't be related to physical exercise aches at the same time as aches and isn't gonna ease up when shifting all-around comes about as being an earlier warning signal of Parkinson's disease. You will find absolutely several prescription drugs available to take care of the Parkinson's signs and symptoms, although not any but that fix the final results in the disease. The primary signs and symptoms of Parkinson's disease are attached to voluntary and involuntary motor unit operate and generally start off on one specific part from the total appearance. Our targets when prescribing drugs for Parkinson's disease are twofold: to extra enhance each day functioning and top quality of daily life and to maintain folks operating supplied that attainable. Read The Parkinson's Disease Protocol Review The Parkinson's Disease Protocol Book: An Overview

#parkinson #disease #parkinson disease #disease problem #disease problems #disease solution #disease patient #parkinson issues #parkinson problems #health #health tips #healthy life #health problems #disease cure

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iloveyouthreethousand-o6 · 6 years ago

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I Promise (Part 1)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 1697 words

Warnings: mentions of depression, panic attack, self hate/body hate

Note: This is my first attempt at writing. Feedback is appreciated! Also, thank you to @afictionaladventure16!!

Your plain brown eyes stared back at you as you slowly traced the angry, red lines circling your upper arms. Marked into your flesh by the denim shirt that you had long outgrown. You were waiting on a replacement for the uniform. Waiting for a far larger size. You stared at your pitiful form in the mirror, uneven, tan skin punctuated by your navy-blue underwear and your flesh colored bra. You felt yourself slip a little deeper under the veil of depression that was slowly beginning to make its appearance again.

You had gone three days this time. Three days of normal. Three days of happy. With a new workout video on YouTube combined with the release of a new upbeat pop song, you were in a state of joy, fueled on by the rush of dopamine. You felt beautiful. For those three days, you admired every curve of your body and felt truly comfortable in your skin. Then, you started spiraling.

You slipped into your regular clothes and got out of the restaurant that had hired you after you were fired from your previous job as a research scientist at Stark Industries. You had taken one too many days off when your depression prevented you from even getting out of bed in the morning, and received a letter informing you that you were no longer welcome. You didn’t even know if Tony knew that you were fired since you were very far apart in the chain of command.

You felt a heaviness weighing your chest down as you dragged your feet along the side walk and walked home. Your mind wandered back to the happy times you had with Bucky at Stark Tower. He used to eat lunch with you, walk you out at the end of the day, and always make you feel loved. Steve always reminded you that you were the only one who he opened up to. The one that got him out of his shell. James would come to your house with a huge tub of ice cream when you didn’t feel like facing the day, and watch Disney movies with you till you felt better about your life.

But, after you were fired, James and you lost touch. Your mind convinced you that you were just the ‘convenient’ friend for him and so you stopped responding to him. Then, he stopped trying. Your rational side told you that he was the Winter Soldier. He had a job to do. But your heart told you that he was sick of you and was glad to have finally gotten rid of you. You picked up the pace as you realized that the street around you was dark and deserted, anxiety gripping your heart. You heard footsteps behind you and as you turned your head to the side to catch a glimpse of the person behind you, you tripped on a small brick that had been dislodged from the sidewalk. As you fell, a scream escaped your mouth.

You heard quick footsteps approaching you and feared the worst. Thoughts of how you could escape this raced through your mind as the stranger came into view. Except, it wasn’t a stranger. It was none other than Captain America. A sigh of relief left you as you pushed down on the bricks in an attempt to get up. However, a sharp pain shot through your left arm and you let out a hiss as you fell back down.

A very concerned Steve helped you to get up. And you said, “Sorry”. You apologized for being so heavy. You apologized for falling over. You apologized for being you. But of course, he didn’t know the magnitude of that seemingly simple word. You were snapped back into reality when the intensity of the pain in your arm went up a notch. Steve noticed, but didn’t say a word and walked beside you as you started walking home. Then, he began to lead you down a familiar path. A path that lead to the Tower. You didn’t have the energy to argue with him and let your thoughts consume you as you silently followed a few steps behind him. You both stopped outside the large, glass doors and you took a deep breath before following him in.

You looked around at the place that was once like your second home as you walked towards the First Aid room. You didn’t even notice when Steve had notified Tony, but there he was. Arranging some things in preparation for your arrival, apparently. When you walked in, he looked up and his expression changed. It was a mixture of joy and anger. You guessed the anger was for you not staying in touch with the man who was like a father to you, but you didn’t understand the joy. Why would he be happy to see me? All I ever did was cry and take up space.

You kept staring at him with confusion clouding your eyes and he must have noticed, because he walked over to you and wrapped his arms around you. Your whole body tensed up at first since you hadn’t felt someone else’s touch in so long, but you slowly relaxed into the hug. You didn’t realize that you had been crying until Tony pulled back, cupped your face and used his thumb to wipe away the warm water that had travelled down your cheek, kissing your forehead softly.

When he was done fixing up your arm and giving you painkillers, Steve took you to the same guest room in which you used to spend most of your nights, spending time with your best friends. He had just been silently observing you until you reached the closed door. Standing outside the room, you caught a flash of sadness and regret in Steve’s eyes before he enveloped you in a hug, you face pressed against his chest. His body shook slightly as he cried into your hair and you gently rubbed his back with your uninjured hand.

Now, the painkillers were starting to take effect and you started swaying slightly. Steve released you and you hugged him one last time, whispered, “Good night Stevie” and went into the room. When your head hit the pillow, you almost immediately fell asleep. But not before hearing him say, “I missed you, (Y/N/N). Sweet dreams.”

The next morning, you opened your eyes to rays of sunlight filtering in through the red curtains. You walked into the adjacent bathroom and were surprised to see a towel, some clothes, painkillers and a toothbrush on the counter with a pink post-it saying “Come downstairs for breakfast, Sweets! Love, Schmaptain Shmerica :)”. You laughed at how he signed off and began getting ready for the day. As you brushed your teeth, you noticed your eyes. They seemed to be glowing and your lips involuntarily curved up into a smile. You were finally back home.

After your shower, you stood in front of the mirror, trying to prepare yourself to see everybody after 3 long months. Especially James. You slipped into the black yoga pants, (which you assumed were Natasha’s) and the dark blue t-shirt, which looked a lot like it belonged to Steve. You were about to leave the room when you heard Steve and Tony chatting in the hallway outside. You couldn’t hear them very well but you heard “Bucky” and that was all it took for you to descend into a panic attack.

So many thoughts rushed into your mind.

Would he remember me? What will his reaction be? Would he be happy to see me? And worst of all, I shouldn’t be here.

You started breathing heavily and curled up into a ball on the floor next to the dresser. A few things fell off, hitting the carpeted floor with a dull thud. You wrapped your hands around yourself and rocked back and forth. Suddenly, the door opened and Steve and Tony rushed in. You looked up at them with your wide eyes beginning to water, your panic on full display, leaving you vulnerable. Tony quickly sat down next to you and took you into his arms, rubbing your back and trying to get you to calm down. He was always there for you when you had an attack.

Eventually, you calmed down. The tears now dry on your face, you squeezed Tony back and slowly got up. Steve looked at you with empathy in his eyes and put his hand on your lower back, guiding you out of the room.

“There’s something you need to see.”

You walked along the cold, carpet covered hallway and reached a room with a wooden door painted black.

“Bucky”, you breathed out, the pain evident on your face. You had taken the painkillers earlier so you knew that your arm was not the cause of this pain, and clearly, Steve knew it too.

He sighed, “You have to face him eventually. He’s been like this since you left.”

And before you could ask what he meant by that, he opened the door and you understood.

The room in front of you was a mess. Plates of untouched food lay around on the floor, used tissues were strewn about and a there was a large mass on the bed. It grunted when light entered the dimly lit room and said “Steve I don’t want to eat, please leave me alone.”

The sight was heartbreaking. You asked Steve, “Why?”

“Because you left. You left him. You left us.”

Guilt began to gnaw at your mind. You leaned into Steve and apologized.

“I- I didn’t think you would care.”

By now, Bucky had gotten up and was staring at you with disbelief in his eyes. You took him in. He had long, messy hair, looked like he hadn’t shaved for months and even under his beard, you could see his sunken cheeks and pale skin.

“(Y/N)?”, he asked, his voice cracking as he began to cry.

“I’m here Bucky.”

And with that, you walked to his bed and had a tear-filled reunion with your best friend. You began laughing through the tears and said,

“Wow J, you really stink.”

Part 2

#bucky x reader #depression #james buchanan barnes x reader #steve rogers #winter soldier #tony stark #iron man #captain america #fanfic #i promise

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imperiusv · 5 years ago

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I - Oh, I just died in your arms tonight

I think it was during that damned pub crawl , that i first thought of you in that way, we were kinda organizing it, if i remember correctly, i was with all my gang and Dilara too and at the time i was into her, we were flirting back and forth , but i didn’t want to make a move on her, because i was insecure , that she won’t like the real me, being so fragile at the moment, I thought to myself i wouldn’t want anything like that to fuck me up even more, I needed more time to heal and develop, so yeah for the first time in my life, I ignored and rejected someone who had more sexual market value than me, it was really fun, as she wanted , but yeah that’s whole different story, so back to the pub crawl, I was with Dilara the whole evening, we even got tied up in that game, but the conversation was kinda boring and stale , so I quickly proceeded to get wasted, to make her more interesting, all my squad was there too, except for the germans and i think Key didn’t come,as they had gone to the one before. It was a really good night, before i got drunk as fuck, but that evening i noticed you and was the first time me thinking that you are actually kinda cool and cute. Funny enough you introduced me to Baptiste that evening,strangely for a person that remembers everything, this is something i can not recall even to this day. Halloween was quite a special day for me on that day I finally came to accepted that i had a crush on you . That’s why my ringtone for you was that ariana grande song you hated, focus, because I finally focused on you, that you are something special, a fucked up girl I thought I could fix and in fixing her, perhaps mend my own wounds and fix myself, never have I been so wrong. I did save you from the Pit, pulled you out at the cost or my very soul, you of course repaid me in kind , I traded my freedom and who I was for you. A mistake I will never forget or forgive myself for. It was a really posh evening , you making my make up and stuff, me making dumb jokes, cuz i didn’t know how to act around you, it was all really cute, i didn’t even realize it at the time,when we went to Indie, we all had a good time, that turkish/french girl wanted to fuck both me and Timur, but he pussied out in the last second and we didn’t have a threesome that time , which sucked, cuz she was really hot that evening and probably things between us would have been different, imagine how something so small can change a lot of stuff down the line, everything has consequences that ripple in time and change your world. We went to shots after the party, I didn’t want to spend money in the centre, as i was already spending most of my cash on booze and other dumb shit, that winter semester i spend more than five thousand bucks on booze,parties and having fun, all the hard earned cash i got in Germany, also i prefer your company rather than being with the others, which worked out great , as we clicked and had always a good time when it was just us. We tried that stupid weird game as i wanted to challenge you to do something with me, but we were too wasted and the music was too loud to hear one another, funny thing that the entire evening the slovaks were stalking us and later she was complaining. The next big episode was the famous couples party that we hosted together for sure, we arrived for our own party fucking wasted, as you even recorded in your diary, by that time i was already really hooked into you, after the traffic lights and Halloween party, I remember at that bloody party , that i was looking so desperately for your match , the whole kissing thing - to find your famous partner ( Shrek and Fiona,Cleopatra and Mark Anthony) i invented for you, but unlike the next such party, i didn’t have full access nor control over the drawing of the numbers, the next one was rigged af, never told you that , but i hooked up more people than Cupidonis himself. Imagine my surprise when you kissed some stranger, it was disgusting, but my fault entirely. After that i saw you kissing Alfredo in the bathroom,my heart sunk and i went outside to drown my sorrows in the vodka bottle we had hidden in the bushes, thank God for Timur. The next couple of parties you didn’t come of course - the mustache and nerds/hipsters bullshit, there was this thing with Antonio and you blowing me off , cuz i was a dick, but who cares, btw i really wrote him last year out of desperation to reach out to you in some manner to see if you still care,the fact that he didn’t even bother to reply, proves what kinda of scumbag shitty slug he is - a disgusting spineless person and a liar, he never fucking came close to kissing Justyna , let alone banging her,what a sad joke that fat wanker was and still is! So yeah through malus I managed to get you to come to the preparty at Etienne’s place for the i think it was a bad taste party or some other shit. It was such a great evening, that you ruined or I ruined , idk who is to blame, me having feelings for you or you being a slut. The whole squad was present, even fucking Pierre came , it was glorious , a night full of booze, laughs and good times, until you decided to make out with Alfredo again in front of everybody and more especially me , even after i tried to stop it from happening, I remember you said that he kissed you and you didn’t want to. but i was too wasted to remember, so yeah i was rage incarnate, damn I had so much fucking anger in my during those months and the ones after, it was like I can’t even comprehend now how can someone be some enraged all the time,i was never calm , just a whirlwind of emotions , a tornado and a volcano in one, losing complete control over the slightest of mishaps happening , i really had no control over myself back then, but yeah , praise the Emperor, that Timur saw what I was about to do and stopped me on time, or i was gonna make an even bigger fool out of my self , punching that smug Italian faggot in the face for something that was not his fault. I ended up with Dilara in Blackroom ,but she didn’t want to play second guitar and i wasn’t in the mood to even talk to her, so she went home with some guy and as I was drinking outside, minding my own business, trying to make sense of it all, guess who came crying. You were really upset and embraced me and cried,never felt so low as you told me why you were crying, i couldn’t hold it any on and added gasoline to the fire, by confessing my feelings for you, such a beta move that was, what was I thinking or drinking. Couple of days of drama and then came my birthday, to which you actually came and brought me a cake, it was one of the sweetest things someone has ever done for me,at that time we were already good friend and texting back and forth all the time , even before we were together we had around 500 000 messages between us, which i do not know how it’s even possible. But yeah the first birthday party, it was all good, until you pulled out a Victoria and vanished on me, again i was left with a thumb in my mouth, looking like a fool. The second Birthday party was actually Timur, Ouriel and mine’s , we did it cuz we wanted to get wasted and i didn’t want to celebrate together with them, as my redneck friends didn’t like Erasmus people and Timur needed a reason to get wasted then and on the first of December which is his actually birthday, so technically only Pussiel’s , but yeah whatever. It was in Yavuz’s place you didn’t want to come , but we managed to get you there , you and your green umbrella - weeks of flirtations and tension building up to the event, finally shit was going down. The party was wild, around 40 people in a top floor flat , we had hit up a casino with Timur on the days prior and had won some good money , we bought so much booze and even a disco ball , also got some amateur DJ to play EDM. I was trying to avoid you, but then you came to me and we started talking. Soon i went from golden to drunk, and being wasted, i let go of all the dumb things that held me back , like what would people say and how will everyone react i was finally brave enough . As i looked deep into your eyes , i remember how you bit your lips and said this will ruin everything. And it did. I took your face into my hands and Ausculor we made out probably for a good two- three minutes. But at the same time it felt like eternity and few seconds, i couldn’t really tell, my dopamine and Oxytocin receptors were exploding Inside my brain, i felt like i was high, better than cocaine, booze or whatever, we connected, body mind and soul. Release. My knees were soft , i was euphoric , literally felt like the best thing ever. You just had kissed me. As i want to end up every story with something positive i will end it here. The next one will continue right off the bat from this one and will cover up the next couple of months as they were crucial for the whole story. It must’ve been something you said I just died in your arms tonight It must’ve been some kind of kiss I should’ve walked away, I should’ve walked away

#short story

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