#everybody else thats too many names

[moeblob]

Someone sent me a message on Discord like "why is everyone obsessed with the Random Guy" in regards to the tags on my previous post. SO. I definitely rambled there but also I love this plot a whole lot and it's very dear to me so:

Tolliver is the "Just a Guy" who Kronos wants dead for stealing all of the Devil's focus. The thing is, Tolliver doesn't WANT the focus but not much he can do! He was born and his parents opted to sell /his/ soul to the succubi in exchange for wealth and fame. So while they retained souls (and then promptly died after ticking off the wrong people with their money and habits, coincidental deaths of course) he doesn't have that leniency. He can do whatever he wants and he'll still be dragged to Hell when he dies even if he's a saint. His soul is already waiting for him down there.

So the Devil is like "well, time to send low ranking demons after my living toy but I distinctly do not wish him dead yet" and that's not really a thing Tolliver knows. So he thinks if he doesn't really fight back he's just gonna die early and while he doesn't think it's nice on earth, he'd rather not start his eternal burning quite yet. So he uses a magic marker (literally) to ward off and banish the demons. That's why the Devil is invested in him - it's entertainment on earth with his future property!

Kronos going up to kill him and then failing and then becoming his roommate is actually the reason why other demons kinda track Tolliver. They're tracking Kronos. They need Kronos back in Hell come on stop loitering on earth buddy. (he continues to loiter on earth)

The siren is purely coincidental in that Tolliver sees her when it's cold and gives her his jacket completely unaware she isn't even human. Then we have one of the bad guys, The Boogeyman. He feeds off of nightmares and that means Tolliver is a delight since all he HAS is nightmares. Man's never had a good dream in his life. So it's a nice little "promised" meal but he ropes the Sandman into luring others to sleep for him to feed off of. Eventually Lady Luck gets involved with Boogie and she's a bit arrogant and childish (there's lore there) and then she sees Tolliver. Fighting against Boogie's grasp despite having nothing to fight for. And she decides he deserves one win in his life since it's clear that the hand he's been dealt sucks. And stops helping Boogie which ends up being his demise.

All the demons that directly interact with Tolliver aren't there for the random guy, honestly. They're there for Kronos. Who unfortunately is obsessed with Tolliver (and he's got such a weird gay crush on the guy and gets so emotionally distraught when Tolliver doesn't feel the same cause he doesn't feel anything for anyone because he doesn't have a soul and feels zero attachment.)

[sunbedo]

Hey guys. gay rights

[asahicore]

bad news first - sjy (m)

this work contains smut - minors please do not interact pairing. jake x fem!reader synopsis. From the moment you'd met at eight to the day he moved to South Korea at fourteen, you and Jake were inseparable. But after years of being apart, you've come to terms with the fact that at twenty, you and Jake just aren't what you used to be. That is until you get a text from him, and all of a sudden, he's back by your side, doing his year abroad at the university you study at, and all your feelings for him float back up to the surface. genre. college au, childhood friends to ???? to lovers, painful mutual pining, one bed trope..... a sprinkle of angst (my hand slipped) but mostly fluff i promise and smut (mdni!!!), also i made sunghoon really weird in this and idkw, this is set in scotland.. edinburgh uni rep!! word count. 23k author's note. everybody say happy belated birthday to @zreamy.. happy belated birthday zo!!! being 22 years and 6 days old is cooler than just 22 years old anyway.. hope you like it bestie... if you dont... well theres a building on campus thats 17 stories high sooo.. enjoy! i hope everyone else enjoys too, since this is a bday fic for zo she couldnt beta read so i had to raw dog this so if its terrible.. not my fault! lmk what u think!! i also made a playlist for this, do listen along!!

“Alright kids, good news or bad news first?”

You looked at your teacher, then at the boy next to you, then back at your teacher. “Bad news first,” you said in unison.

You were only eight, but you were both wise enough to know that hearing good news second would assuage the blow of whatever these bad news were. Miss Dawson sighed as she crouched in front of you. “The bad news is your bus driver is on strike and won’t be coming. The good news is that your parents have been informed and are coming to pick you up soon.”

Following her instructions, you headed to the gymnasium and sat there silently among the other kids. Not many kids in your class rode the bus home, and the ones who did seemed to have drivers not on strike, so it was just the two of you. You were used to that, though - over January and February, you had made a sort of silent pact to stand and wait for the bus together. You sometimes shared snacks, but you never spoke. For some reason, you felt at ease with this boy, even though you didn’t know much about him. You had heard he had moved to Brisbane just at the start of this year, all the way from South Korea. You were pretty sure his name was Jake.

You handed him one of your Twix bars. Then he spoke. “I thought a strike was when you did really well in bowling.”

“Same,” you replied, mouth full of chocolate and caramel. “I’m not sure why that would keep the bus driver from picking us up.”

Jake looked at you with wide eyes, distress clear in them. “Do you think he went bowling instead of picking us up?”

This made you frown. “That’d be really rude.”

“It would. I always make sure to go bowling on the weekends, ‘cause if I missed school that’d be rude to Miss Dawson.”

You nodded your head in fervent agreement. “For sure.”

That weekend, his mum called your mum to ask if you wanted to go to the bowling alley with them. From then on, for the next six years, you were stuck together by glue. 

--

Twelve years later, Jake’s name appearing on your phone screen has become such a rare sight, you don’t believe it right away. It takes you a few seconds of intense squinting at the letters to actually realise your eyes aren’t deceiving you.

jake.sim15 hey y/n!! you go to edinburgh uni right?

You type and delete three different responses before settling for a simple yeah, I am! what’s up?, hoping you sounded nonchalant even though you very much felt chalant. You thought that whatever you sent wouldn’t be as weird as taking forever to answer such a straightforward question. 

As you wait for Jake’s reply, you scroll through your previous shared messages, noting with sadness that for three years in a row, the only instances you’d texted were to wish each other a happy birthday or when he reacted with a fire emoji to Stories of your dog, Milo. Before that, your last conversation was to congratulate each other about getting into your top choice universities and to discuss plans for your respective futures.

Futures that used to include each other, you think. His reply appears at the bottom of your screen before melancholy can fill your heart.

jake.sim15 i applied to go there for my year abroad next year annnnd i got in !! heh

You shoot up straight from your seat on the lounge chaise you’d been sunbathing on, a loud “Oh my God!” involuntarily escaping your mouth. 

“What? What happened? Is everything okay?” Chaewon asks frantically, rushing over to your side. “Oh,” she says when she sees your phone. “It’s a text… from a boy?” 

This makes Yunjin, previously unbothered by your panic, rise from her seat and take off her sunglasses. “A boy? Show me,” she demands, snatching your phone from your hands before you can protest. Upon seeing the texts on your screen, she lets out a loud gasp. “It’s not just any boy! It’s the one and only Jake Sim himself.”

“Give that back!” you plead, hand reaching for your phone, but Yunjin is already walking away.

“And he’s coming to Edi this September, apparently. He says he’s sorry for not saying anything earlier, but he was waiting for an answer up until now.” She scoffs. “Leave it to our uni to tell someone they’re in less than two months before term starts. Oh, you’re the first person he’s told, Y/N! After his parents. How cute,” she coos, protesting when you snatch your phone back from her. “Hey! I was reading that.”

“Those are my texts, Yunjin. I’m the one who’s meant to read them.”

She shrugs. “You would’ve told us anyway.”

“What are you going to reply?” Chaewon asks. With the both of them hovering over your shoulders and watching as you type a response, a sort of stage fright comes over you, making you send what might be the most unoriginal reply known to man.

“Awesome? Seriously, Y/N?” Yunjin reads, disproportionately disgusted with you.

“That’s a lot of exclamation marks. It almost makes it look like you don’t mean it,” Chaewon says.

“I do mean it!”

“Well, he seems to like it. A smiling-with-teeth emoji is a good sign, right?” she asks in an attempt to make you feel better.

“He has automatic caps off. That man is run-through,” Yunjin says, shaking her head as she walks back to her sunbed.

“You were excited about him texting me just a second ago,” you reproach.

“Yeah, before I found out he was a whore.”

“Yunjin, you know we don't slut-shame here!” Chaewon exclaims. Before Yunjin can say anything even worse in response, your phone starts ringing, and Jake’s name appears on your screen. “He’s calling you?” Chaewon gasps, making Yunjin sit up with a start for the second time in less than five minutes.

“This man is insane,” she remarks with all the seriousness in the world.

You run away from your friends, finding refuge in the outside kitchen area out of earshot. They don’t need to hear your conversation with Jake. You love them, but they can be weirdly unsupportive in moments like these.

“Hey, Jake,” you greet, hoping he doesn’t notice the breathlessness in your voice. It was because you had just ran, of course - you didn’t want him to think you were so nervous about talking to him after such a long time, you could barely breathe. Because you weren’t. At all.

“Hey, Y/N!” he replies, and the excitement in his voice makes your heart melt. “I hope it’s not weird that I called, I just thought it’d be nicer than texting, is that okay?”

“Yeah, it’s fine, it’s nice to hear your voice,” you say before you can really think about it, and cringe at your own words. Years without talking and the world’s worst line is the first thing you say to Jake. Thankfully, before you start excruciating yourself, a chuckle pours out of Jake’s throat and blesses your ears.

“It’s nice to hear your voice, too. What are you up to?” 

“Oh, I’m on vacation with my friends. One of them has a rich aunt who owns a villa in southern Italy, so we’re just chilling by the pool right now.” 

“You always wanted to go to Italy! That sounds so nice,” he says. Your breath catches gently in your throat - he remembers, you note.

“Yeah, it really is. What about you, how are you spending the summer?”

Jake tells you about the local bookstore owned by a grandpa that’s always had a soft spot for him and that gave him a part-time job for the summer. “I’m trying to save up as much money as I can before I leave. If I treat you to a meal, will you show me around the city?” he asks, and you can hear the grin in his voice. It makes you realise how much you’ve actually missed him.

“You don’t need to treat me to a meal, I’ll show you around anyway.” 

Still, he insists, and you find yourself giving in quickly - because it’s Jake or because free food is on the table, you’re not sure. Probably both. 

You and Jake get to talking, but fitting years and years of catching up into one conversation is an impossible task, and before you know it, when you check your phone, you’ve been talking for over an hour. Yunjin is angrily waving at you, pointing at her stomach to indicate hunger like a caveman who’s just learned how to communicate. You apologise to Jake, telling him you have to go, and plan to meet during fresher’s week before you hang up.

A few hours later, you get a text from him saying it was nice talking to you and jokingly asking whether Yunjin was satisfied with lunch. It’s innocuous, but it opens a gate for more texting, which leads to long, rambling voice messages, which leads to late-night phone calls that remind you of when you were fifteen and still kept in touch. When August fades into September, you feel like you’ve got your best friend back. 

You remember why you were so in love with him at fourteen.

--

You see Jake before he sees you.  

Among the throngs of people, you manage to spot the dark, messy flop of hair on his head weighed down by a nice pair of wireless headphones. After a thirteen-hour flight from Seoul, a four-hour layover in Frankfurt and a final, two-hour flight to Edinburgh, he looks rightfully exhausted, using what looks like the last of his energy to spot the exit and the airport bus stop. Even wearing a simple denim jacket, white tee and grey sweatpants, he’s so gorgeous you forget what you came here for, until he almost walks right past you without seeing you. You put yourself in his path and hold your hand-written banner up, making yourself as obvious as you can as you call out his name. 

When he sees you, he stops dead in his tracks for a second, someone almost running into him before he remembers the crowd behind him. His tired features break out into a bright smile that has your heartbeat speeding up so much, you think it might run out of your chest. 

He had told you not to come, that it would be late for you and he didn’t want to bother you, but you had managed to get the information of his arrival before he forbade you from picking him up so you did it anyway, wanting to surprise him. After years of being apart, rather than waiting another day, you wanted to see him as soon as possible.

Jake briskly makes his way to you, dropping his bags next to him on the floor as he engulfs you in a hug, warm and tight as if he’s trying to make up for all those years. You hug him back as if someone would appear out of thin air and take him away from you again.

“This was the longest day of my life, I’m so happy to see you,” he says when he pulls away, and you’re so happy you can’t even say anything back, resorting to giggling and lightly swatting non-existent dust off of his shoulders. 

As you wait for the bus, he tells you about every trivial thing that happened to him on his trip, from how expensive a sandwich is at the airport to the German kid sitting in front of him that kept turning around to stare at him on his second flight.

“How did you know he was German?” you ask, amused.

Jake pauses. “Just vibes.”

Conversation on the bus is slightly disjointed as you jump from topic to topic with random pauses here and there before one of you finds something to talk about - but it’s okay, you hadn’t expected for the two of you to be as easy as before. It’s more awe at seeing each other after such a long time than awkwardness. Even though you’d caught up over summer, there was a world of difference between speaking on the phone and actually sitting next to him. You notice things like the shine of his hair, the creases that form on the sides of his lips when he smiles, or, unfortunately for you, the veins that run along his forearms and hands - things you hadn’t noticed previously thanks to the sometimes questionable quality of the front camera of his phone. Once in a while, your thigh brushes against his, and it reminds you that he’s really here. Even that he’s real, at all. 

In a tragic turn of events, Jake lives in the student accommodation you used to live in in first year, and coming back to it two years later is slightly traumatising. His three-person flat is in a different building as your old one, and you marvel at how it somehow still smells the same - like dusty, decade-old carpeting and the permanent stench of students’ dubitable cooking. He’s the first one to move in, which makes the place slightly eerie, but it means that you’re not bothering anyone by unpacking Jake’s stuff and cooking Shin Ramyun the previous tenants had left behind at 11pm. 

Your late dinner was meant for you to take a small break, watch a couple episodes of Friends which Jake had been shocked to learn you’d never watched, and you had been shocked to learn he was a die-hard fan of (since one year ago), then get back to unpacking. But the ramen sends an already exhausted Jake into a food coma so intense, he falls asleep on your shoulder five minutes into the second episode. 

You let him sleep as long as he needs, turning the volume down on his laptop and stifling your chuckles as much as you can. You feel like a cat has fallen asleep in your lap - you are now obliged by law to stay still until Jake wakes up. It’s not until an hour later that Jake’s uncomfortable sleeping position forces him awake, lifting his head off of your shoulder with a grunt. He looks around himself, at his room that’s not quite familiar to him yet, then at you, eyes still scrunched with sleepiness as a grin blooms onto his lips.

“Sorry,” clearing his throat of its grogginess. “What time is it?”

“It’s almost one a.m,” you reply, and his eyes go wide.

“You should’ve woken me up! Does your shoulder hurt?” he asks, much more alarmed than he should be, and it makes you laugh.

“It’s all good. But now that you’re awake, I should probably head home.” 

“I’ll get you an Uber,” he says, already pulling out his phone. 

“It’s fine, Jake, my place is a ten-minute walk from here. I live just up the road.”

Jake’s fingers on his phone pause as he looks up at you. “Then I’ll walk you home.” He lifts a finger in warning when he sees you start to protest. “And don’t fight me on this. You did so much today, it’s the least I can do.”

As much as you love the idea of spending more time with Jake, even if it’s just ten minutes, you still don’t want to bother him when you know how tired he is. “It’s really safe around here. I can just text you when I’m home, if you’re worried about me getting kidnapped or something,” you say, taking his jacket from his hands and placing it back on his desk chair.

He grabs it back, putting it on before you can take it from him again, and rummages through one of his suitcases for a black, woolly scarf. Neither of you speaks as he wraps it tight around your neck, even though the early September weather isn’t cold enough to warrant it. His hands stop briefly on the scarf and a small smile spreads on his lips. You hope he doesn’t hear your sharp intake of breath when your eyes meet. “It’s not about that,” he says simply, voice low and unlike you’ve ever heard it before. You don’t think his voice had quite finished cracking when he’d moved away back then. 

Suddenly, he steps away, grabs his keys, and heads for the door. “Let’s go!” he says, voice back to its usual cheery tone. You don’t find it in you to question him, so you just follow him out, welcoming the night breeze that cools down your burning cheeks with open arms. 

The walk to your place is mostly done in comfortable silence, but it still goes by too quickly for your liking. You keep your hands in your pockets to prevent yourself from doing something stupid, like reaching out for Jake’s hand that swishes back-and-forth as he walks. Instead, you bury your nose in his scarf and relish in the unfamiliar but comforting smell that his cologne has left behind on the fabric. You hug goodbye when you reach your flat, and you have to remind yourself to let go. He insists on you keeping the scarf. “My mum packed me, like, three, so you can have that one.” 

“Your mum still pack your things for you, does she?” you ask, tone playful.

“No-” he says, voice slightly whiny, before he realises you’re just teasing him. “Whatever,” he chuckles, ruffling your hair. You hope the streetlights aren’t bright enough for him to notice the flustered look on your face. The both of you stand there awkwardly for a second, before he lets out another chuckle. “Right. See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” you beam.

“Okay,” he says, but still doesn’t make a move to leave. “Okay. Yeah. I’ll be off then.” He gives you one last smile then turns around, burying his hands in his pockets, and you watch as he walks away.

“Get home safe,” you call out after a few seconds. 

He pivots on his heels, and, with a wave of his hand, says, “I will! Go inside.”

“Good night!”

“Night, Y/N!”

When you walk into your living room, Yunjin is sitting on the couch, arms crossed over her chest, gaze trained on the wall opposite her, one lamp lighting the otherwise completely dark room. She looks like a detective in one of those bad cop shows.

“Gosh, what’s all this for?”

“You’re back awfully late,” she says, neither looking at you nor answering your question.

“Yeah, I was with Jake,” you shrug, heading into the kitchen for a glass of water. She abruptly gets up from her seat, following you into the other room and staying close behind you.

“And?” she demands, mouth way too close to your ear and making you start.

“And what?” you ask. 

“What do you mean and what?!” she says, clearly agitated. “I want to know everything!”

“There’s nothing to say, really. He seemed happy I picked him up from the airport, then I helped him unpack. He lives in Riego, by the way.”

“Ew.”

“I know, it was awful going back there.”

The two of you stare at each other as you drink your water. “Well?” she asks.

“What?”

“Is that it?”

You fill your glass again to take it into your bedroom. “I don’t know, we just ate and watched Friends.”

“You hate shows with laughing tracks,” she states like it’s an accusation.

“It wasn’t actually that bad,” you reply, shrugging.

She tuts. “Love will do ugly, ugly things to a person.”

“You’ve been in a loving relationship for the past two years.”

“This isn’t about me. Can we talk about how you’re still in love with the same loser from when you were ten?”

“I was fourteen, and don’t call Jake a loser when you haven’t even met him.” You ignore the roll of her eyes. “And I’m not. Not anymore. I’m just happy to have my friend back.” Yunjin gives you a look. “Okay, maybe I’m still a little bit in love with him. But it’s so little, it’s barely there.” Her expression is unchangingly unimpressed and you can’t help but throw in the towel. “Alright, fine. I still love him, what about it?”

“You’re pathetic.”

“I know that, no need to remind me.”

“Are you gonna do something about it?”

“My patheticness? I’ve tried, didn’t really work.”

“No, idiot, about Jake. You should go and get him! It’d be so sexy if you got together as 20-somethings after knowing each other since you were babies.”

“We were eight when we met. And I don’t know if sexy is the word I’d use here.”

“Anything is sexy if you try hard enough,” she says, and you have to laugh. “Anyways, you should confess your undying love and tell him you’ve felt that way since you met.”

“I wasn’t-”

“Guys might not show it, but they probably get all hot for stuff like that. Boosts their ego and shit.”

“Yunjin, I just got my friend back, I’m not gonna risk it. Plus, who knows, I might not actually be in love with him. It might just be my emotions acting up, like, seeing someone I used to like after a while. We’ve both changed so much, once I get to know him more now, I might not even feel the way I used to.”

“Notice how you’ve used the word might twice in ten seconds? You’re just trying to find excuses.”

You groan. “This is why I hate English Lit people.”

“You do English Lit.”

“I know, and I’m the only nice person that does it.” In your head, you add and Jake, but saying it out loud would only make this conversation worse for you.

“What’s that scarf, by the way? Did he give you that?”

You look down at the scarf like it’s a piece of incriminating evidence. “Can you stop grilling me, please? It’s late.”

“You’re not answering my question.”

You sighed deeply. “Fine. Yes, he gave me-”

“It’s not even that cold outside!” she exclaimed in an outrage. “Don’t tell me he also walked you home?”

You pause. “He did.”

She gasped. “He walked you home because he’s in love with you.”

“He walked me home because he’s a good friend that looks after me.”

“He walked you home because he realised how hot you’ve gotten and he wants some of that.”

All you can do is sigh. “Whatever. I’m going to bed.”

“If you weren’t such a coward, you wouldn’t be going to bed alone.”

“Whatever!” you say, shutting the door behind you, shaking that preposterous conversation out of your head. When you get into bed, it takes you at least half-an-hour before you can settle down, but you know your constant tossing and turning isn’t due to your inability to find a comfortable enough position to sleep in. Between your evening with Jake and Yunjin’s pestering, thoughts run wild and incoherent through your head. 

You want to tell her every little thing that happened with Jake tonight, but you’re afraid it might do you more harm than good. She is most definitely the type of friend who will take the smallest action a guy did for you or the most meaningless thing he might have said and turn it into a sign that he has the hots for you, which usually does wonders for your confidence, but right now, you don’t need that kind of delusion. Did seeing your childhood best friend you used to secretly harbour feelings for make you feel some type of way? Of course, but that doesn’t mean you still love him after all this time, after six years of being apart, the majority of those years spent with no contact. It wasn’t like you parted ways with resentment, or anything of that sort, far from it; rather, you drifted apart naturally, as two teenagers with over 7000 kilometres between them would. At first, you’d call frequently and even write each other letters - but as you became more preoccupied with school, friends, and extracurriculars, your phones gradually rang less and your mailboxes became gradually emptier. You don’t even remember who sent the last, unanswered letter. 

Tonight isn’t the first time you replay the moment Jake announced that he would go away, but it’s the first time it’s a bittersweet memory. It used to only be bitter - but now that you’ve reconnected, you can look back at it with fondness, wishing you could tell fourteen-year-old you the hurt would only last so long. 

It hadn’t started unusually.

“So, bad news first, right?”

In your six years of friendship with Jake, this had been the first time you’d really been wary of what he would say next. The look on his face told you that this bad news wouldn’t be as easy to shake off as usual. Your definition of bad news was things like I got grounded so I can’t hang out, I forgot we had a test tomorrow so I can’t hang out, my allergies are acting up again so I can’t hang out.

“I’m moving to Korea next month.”

I’m on another continent, so I can’t hang out.

You remember the words not quite making sense at the time. “Oh? How long are you staying there?” you said, taking a bite of your strawberry ice cream which Jake had insisted on paying for, even though you knew he didn’t get much allowance.

“Forever.”

You stopped chewing, and the ice cream melted uncomfortably in your mouth. You don’t know how long you stayed there, frozen as you stared at your best friend in disbelief. It wasn’t until he lightly shoved your shoulder, only meeting your eyes for a split second, that you remembered to swallow and to say something.

“Forever as in… You won’t live here anymore? At all?”

Jake shook his head. He kept his eyes trained on the vanilla-chocolate ice cream sandwich he’d left in its wrapper. In the blazing hot Brisbane summer, it had probably fully melted two minutes ago. “At all.”

“Oh,” was all you found yourself able to say. For some reason, you hoped that continuing to eat your ice cream would stop you from crying, but to no avail. Hot, salty tears quickly started raining down your cheeks, mixing with the sweetness of your ice cream when they reached your lips. 

“It’s my dad’s work. Same reason why I moved here when we were kids in the first place. They wanted him here then, they want him back there now. We just have to follow,” Jake explained, sounding just as upset as you felt.

“Right.”

“Are you mad at me?” Jake asked, worry clear in his voice, and finally turned to face you. At the sight of you crying, he let out a small oh, tears of his own pooling in his eyes.

You frowned. “Of course not. I’m never mad at you, you know that. I just… You’re my best friend, Jakey. It’s gonna be so lame around here without you.”

“It’ll be lame there without you, too.”

You attempted a smile. “Well, of course. But at least you’ll get to make new friends, see new places. You’ll be in a whole other country, I’m sure you’ll have fun there. I’m gonna be stuck in boring old Brisbane for the foreseeable future.”

“Do you know how offended our friends would be if they heard you speaking right now?” he asked, nudging your shoulder with his.

You sniffled and let out a chuckle. “They’re all great, but… I don’t like them nearly as much as I like you,” you said, staring down at your hands, hoping he wouldn’t realise exactly what you meant by that statement.

A weight was lifted off of your shoulders when Jake answered. “I like you the most too, Y/N.” You tried not to think too much about whether he’d meant it platonically or romantically - none of that mattered anymore. All that mattered was the feeling of his arms around you, his warmth enveloping your whole body, his familiar scent that you already missed. 

You felt him take a deep breath against you before he pulled away. He sniffled and did his best to put on a smile. “Right, enough of that. I’m not leaving until next month, so don’t think you’re rid of me just yet,” he joked, and it helped alleviate the weight on your heart, even if just a little. “You said you had something to tell me? Good news after bad news, and all that.”

“Oh. Right. I forgot about that.”

You thought for a second. Today was the day you had planned to confess your feelings to Jake - you’d only told him you had good news to share. But what was the point now that he was leaving? If he felt the same way, it would only make his departure that much harder, and if he didn’t, it would ruin your last moments together. It just wasn’t worth it.

Jake tilted his head, waiting for you to speak. In a split second, you made yourself forget your disappointment over having built the courage to tell him how you felt only for it all to fall through, and resolved to make the most of Jake’s last month here. You wiped your tears and mirrored his small smile as best you could. “Um, it wasn’t anything much. My mum made those cowboy cookies you like.”

Jake’s head fell back as he groaned in anticipation. “If she wasn’t happily married with three kids, I’d marry your mum. Let’s go right now.”

You laughed. “There’d be a bit of an age gap there.”

“We’d make it work,” Jake joked, throwing his arm around your shoulders as you walked towards your house. He beamed down at you, his bright, boyish smile that you loved to bits, and you beamed up at him as you grabbed the hand that hung off your shoulder in your own.

You walked as happily as you could. “Do you even speak Korean?” you suddenly asked.

Jake halted abruptly in his steps, a gravely offended look on his face. When you looked back at him in confusion, he rolled his eyes and started walking again, pulling you with him. “It’s literally my mother tongue, Y/N. I speak it every day at home.”

“Oh, right.”

At the time, you thought nothing could come between you and Jake. Not anyone, not anything, neither distance nor time. But they did. A week after he’d left, a boy from your class you’d talked to maybe once or twice asked you out on a date. You weren’t sure why, but you said yes. Then you said yes to being his girlfriend, even though you didn’t like him all that much, and you even said yes to reducing your texting with Jake because it made him jealous. When you’d broken up with him and wanted to catch up with Jake and apologise for your absence, you’d found that his new school in Seoul was a lot more demanding than yours in Brisbane, and he had to spend most of his evenings in academies if he wanted to get into a nice university. It’s when you learned that he’d be staying in South Korea for college that you decided to leave Australia too. Brisbane was a lot less fun without him there - why bother staying? You couldn’t go to him because of the language barrier and the cost of university there. If you were to essentially uproot your life, might as well go somewhere you could get a scholarship and understand the people around you. 

It seemed insane that someone you had thought would be by your side for the rest of your life, someone that was part of your most cherished memories, had been reduced to someone you casually texted once in a while. It seems even more insane that now that you’re finally done essentially grieving your friendship with Jake, he stands in front of you again, six inches taller but still donning those puppy-like eyes and smile of his.

For your sake, you just hoped you wouldn’t be as in love with him at twenty as you were at fourteen.

--

The next day, you show Jake around campus, which wouldn’t normally take more than ten minutes, but takes double that time because of the sheer amount of people there. Between the Societies Fair taking up most of the square, the tour guides leading freshers, walking slowly and taking in their new campus, and the pizza and drinks stands, freshers’ week always turns campus into what feels like the busiest place on Earth. You try not to let it hit a nerve for Jake’s sake, who’s clearly ecstatic at all the activity, but you like this place a lot more when it’s quieter. You walk through the Fair, laughing as Jake marvels at all the different clubs and societies at the Uni. 

“Gardening Society? Dungeons & Dragons Society? Wine society?” he exclaims, astonishment growing with every passing stand.

“And this is only the first day. They also have a Taylor Swift Society.” He grabs a flyer from about every society, even though you know he’ll join between two to zero of them. 

When you walk out, there’s a girl handing out samples of shampoo and conditioner, and you let her give you one, more out of politeness than anything. 

“These are so useless,” you start, and Jake chuckles, unaware of the incoming rant. “I had that job of distributing them last year, and we would get a tip if we gave them all out. So naturally I put a bunch in my bag, but then I had to use them for like two weeks.” You sigh. “First of all, my hair did not like it. And second, the ratio is so off. There’s way more conditioner than shampoo when it should be the other way around, so you have to condition your hair even though it’s not properly clean. So stupid.”

“Sounds terrible,” Jake says, laughing. “Is that why you’re not doing it this year?”

“Oh… Not really. I dated the guy that takes care of this promo stuff, so it would’ve been kinda awkward…” you trail, immediately wishing you could backtrack on conversation. Talking about your ex with Jake wasn’t on your to-do list for today. Or ever.

“You dated your boss?”

“The manager, yeah, I guess. He was only 24, though, don’t worry.”

“I’m more worried about the power imbalance than the age gap there.”

You shrug, looking down at your shoes. “It’s not like he was that high up.”

“So, what happened? Why did you break up?”

“Well, he acted like our four-year age difference meant he could treat me like a little kid. It was nice being taken care of at first but then I realised how condescending he was and dumped him.”

“How long were you together?”

You pause. “Two weeks,” you admit abashedly, making Jake chuckle. “At least he didn’t waste my time and showed his red flags early on.”

“Any boyfriends since?” he asks, and you wonder whether you’re making up the unsure tone of his voice. As if he’s curious, but doesn’t want to show it too much. You hope you’re not making it up.

“A few, but they never last very long with me,” you say, a meek smile on your lips. “Furthest I got was three months.”

“And why didn’t it work out with three-months-guy?”

“He started comparing me to his mum a bit too often.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah, I ran out of there without looking back.”

“Well, it’s nice to see you’ve got high standards. I would hate to see you date just any loser.”

You want to say, High standards or issues?, but you don’t want to make it weird, so you play it cool instead. “I would never. I have a mental checklist with everything a guy needs to have for me to date him.”

“A checklist? I have to hear about this.”

You sigh, debating whether you should tell him about it. Would he notice it’s based on him? Would he notice the only person that could tick practically every box was none other than him? Jake gently elbows your side, goading you on. When you look at him, he’s got a shit-eating grin playing on his lips, and you give in. You look off into the distance as you start listing your requirements. “Well, there’s all your basics like funny, taller than me but not too much, ‘cause I don’t want neck cramps, smart, takes uni seriously, has plans for his future, easy to talk to, not emotionally stunted and can actually have a vulnerable conversation. It’s also a bonus if he has a nice face.”

“How much of a bonus?”

You think for a second. “It’s more a dealbreaker than a bonus, actually. Nice smile is a must, definitely.”

“Okay. Got any more specifics?”

“I do have some particular ones. It’s nice if he’s a reader, but it’s terrible if it makes him think he’s better than everyone or if he tries to sound smarter than me. I like it if he has experience, I don’t want to have to teach him everything. But obviously I don’t want him to still be in love with his ex. Guys and their first loves, I swear… I also don’t really like picky eaters.” You look over at Jake and take a double-take. He’s typing away on his phone, but because of his privacy screen protector, you can’t see anything. You huff. “I also don’t like it if he has those protective screens on his phone. What’s on there that’s so important that I can’t take a peek? What are you even doing?”

The sweet sound of Jake’s giggles erases any trace of annoyance that you felt seconds ago. He turns his screen towards you, showing the list of mostly ticked boxes that he’s written up. “See? I check most of these,” he says with a proud smile. “Guess your standards aren’t that high.” You don’t tell him that your standards are high, he’s just that amazing. 

You do your best to look only amused at this even though inside, you’re all but freaking out. “Which are you missing?”

“Well, I clearly own a privacy screen. And I don’t have much experience. Not nearly as much as you, by the sounds of it,” he admits, somewhat sheepish. “But other than that, I’m practically the perfect man for you.” He looks down at you with a smile so bright, it makes you wish you had brought sunglasses. It takes everything in you not to scream right then and there. Yes, Jake, you are the perfect man for me, but I wish you wouldn’t say it like it was a joke.

You let out a stiff chuckle, and, rather than saying something stupid and possibly damaging, shift the conversation to him. “What do you mean by not much experience? Have you not dated anyone?”

Jake sighs. “Nope, not anyone. I went on a few dates, you know, went through a few talking stages and all that, but it never went much further. There was always something…” He glances at you then. “Missing.”

“I know that feeling,” you say with a chuckle, and he laughs too, a breathy sound.

“I don’t have a checklist to pinpoint what it is, though.”

You smile. “You should try, it might help.”

“I just… I guess I’m like you in that I also have high standards. But it made me not even want to give anyone a chance, especially since I knew it wouldn’t end up anywhere.”

“Don’t tell me no one has ever managed to reach the great Jake Sim’s standards?” you ask, trying to keep your tone light.

Jake smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Of course someone has. She’s the whole reason I have standards in the first place. It’s not my standards I compare people to, it’s her.”

Jealousy has never made you feel as sad as it is right now. “And… it didn’t work out between you?”

Jake looks at you, eyes searching for something in yours but seemingly not finding it, and so he turns his gaze away. You don’t know why you feel so disappointed. “Nope,” he says, popping the ‘p’. “She didn’t feel the same way.”

Whoever this girl is, you can’t believe how stupid she is for passing up the opportunity to have Jake Sim. “That’s… It sucks, I’m sorry,” you say. You don’t think spitting on this girl would make him feel any better, so you keep those thoughts to yourself.

“It’s okay,” he says with a small smile. “It was a while ago already.”

“Doesn’t sound like you’re quite over it, though,” you say, and you’re surprised but glad to see his smile widen.

“That’s true.” His eyes meet yours again. “I don’t think I’ll be over her anytime soon, either.” You have to look away to shield the pain that flashes through your eyes from him.

Pretending you don’t have feelings for your best friend and that you’re okay with him being in love with someone else is like riding a bike: even after years of not doing it, it only takes a few minutes for you to be able to do it perfectly again. Muscle memory, if you will. So you sigh dramatically and throw your arm around Jake’s shoulder, slightly pulling him down to your level. “Don’t worry. We’re going to have so much fun this year, you’ll completely forget about her. Promise. She doesn’t know what she’s missing. Yeah?” 

He smiles down at you. You want nothing more but that glint of melancholy in his eyes to be gone. “Yeah.”

--

Jake is only half-glad to see you haven’t changed much from your childhood and early teenage years. You’re still just as pretty, just as warm; it’s still as comfortable to be around you. You’re also still as dense.

Then and now, he did everything he could to make his feelings for you very, very obvious. Either you’re completely oblivious, or the idea of dating him is so horrifying to you, you understand but pretend you don’t. He really hopes it’s the former. 

He arrived in Edinburgh just a bit over a week ago, and you’ve seen each other almost every day. Out of those times, there isn’t a single one where he hasn’t tried to send something your way - something that says, hey, what if we stopped being friends and dated instead? Wouldn’t that be cool? Can’t you see how desperately I love you?, but you never latch on. The ball’s in your court, and he wants you to throw it back, but it’s been feeling more like a boomerang that always hits him right in the face when it circles back than a game of catch.

But he’s reminding himself not to be too greedy. Even if it’s just as friends, at least he has you back, so he’s satisfied with that. For now.

His first class of the year is on the following Tuesday morning, a ninety-minute seminar specifically made for exchange students called Discover Scotland. (He has Mondays free, resulting in a three-day weekend, which you and your 9am Monday tutorial are very envious of.) As interesting as the English Lit courses he’s taking seem, it’s this one he’s most looking forward to - except for the one class he shares with you, of course. Not even because of the seminars themselves, which will be about all sorts of topics on Scottish culture and history, but because of the coursework, as crazy as that sounds. It consists of a singular project, not due until the very last day of the semester, in which he has to travel to at least three different places in the country, research its background and provide a detailed account of his experience there. It can take any form: a written report, an in-class presentation, a podcast, anything. He could even film a TikTok if he wanted. Jake knew that being part of the Arts & Crafts club for two years in a row back in Seoul wasn’t for nothing - his scrapbooking skills would finally have their time to shine. 

That afternoon, he practically snatches you as you come out of your lecture, giving you little time to say bye to your friends, and makes you take him to the biggest stationary store you know in the city. If he wants to ace this project, he will need supplies. Many, many supplies. And it’s more fun shopping if you’re with him. You seem happy following him around the store, and when he asks you if you want to come on his trips with him, he can pretend it’s because you seem so excited about his project and not because he had thought of you accompanying him as soon as he heard about it.

As you stand in line at the till, you tell him that if he wants to start his project now, you could go to the beach together. You raise your eyebrows at him when he snaps your head towards you. “There’s a beach here?!”

“Did you not look at a map before coming here?” you ask, amused.

“I guess I didn’t…” he says, distraught at the new information. It only lasts a second, though. “Okay, let’s go now.”

“Now?” you echo, and he nods. “But-” you start, but are interrupted by your thoughts. “I guess there’s no reason not to. The weather’s nice and it’s not like I have any uni work yet. Let’s go,” you agree, looking up at him with a smile. You’re so pretty he almost forgets to look away, until the employee calls Next in a bored drawl. 

An hour later, you’re at the beach, barefoot on the sand and ice cream in hand. Strawberry for you and vanilla for him, he notes with a smile. Really not much has changed, he thinks. From the sand, to the water, to the promenade along the beach, Portobello is worlds away from the beaches back home in Australia, or those of Jeju Island. But it’s still nice, and because you’re with him, it’s even better. You’ve been walking around for an hour, splashing each other with water and mercilessly ruining sandcastles left behind before he realises you technically came here for his project. He writes down things he doesn’t want to forget on his phone and snaps a few pictures, sneaking a few of you when you’re not looking. He wants to tell you how beautiful you are with your hair blowing in the wind and the way the chill bites at your cheeks, but he keeps it a secret between him and his Notes app. 

Even though he lives two stops further down, he gets off from the bus with you, containing his excitement as best he can when you invite him up for a cup of tea. “Depends. What tea do you have?” he asks, trying and failing to play it cool. He’s just grateful he doesn’t have to come up with an excuse to spend more time with you.

You roll your eyes playfully as you unlock the front door to your building. “I can make you hot chocolate, Mister Tea-Is-For-Old-People.”

He chuckles. “Actually, I’ll have you know I started drinking tea at uni.” When you turn around to look at him, a surprised look on your face, he nods proudly. “Mh-hm. I got addicted to caffeine very quickly into first year so I started drinking black tea for the sake of my heart,” he explains.

“God,” you say breathily, sounding mildly horrified. “A caffeine addiction sounds intense.”

“It was, yeah,” he says, laughing as he follows you into your flat. 

Yunjin and Chaewon are sitting at the living room table, watching an episode of what he thinks is Gossip Girl, and they greet him as normally as these two can, but he wonders what the knowing look they exchange is all about. He’d met them the previous weekend when you had all gone for drinks together, along with Jay, Yunjin’s boyfriend, and they had all but grilled him on his relationship with you. He hadn’t thought much of it, chalking it up to your friends feeling protective of you, and truthfully, he was just happy to get to talk about you. But now, he was wondering if you had told them anything about him that made them so curious about him. If you did, he hoped it was something positive.

He stands awkwardly in the kitchen, chatting with you as you boil the water and get cups out, but he can feel their gazes burning the back of his head. Clearly, whatever conversation he’s having with you, he’s also having it with them. “How do you take your tea?” you ask.

“Um, three sugars and lots of milk, please,” he says, smiling innocently when you slowly turn to look at him, a mix of disapproval, disgust, and offence on your face. 

You sigh deeply. “I mean, I’ll do it, but I’m not sure that’s even tea anymore.”

“You’re one to talk, Miss Caramel Frappuccino,” he says, recycling your bad joke from earlier.

“At least I don’t claim to be drinking coffee when I order a frap,” you argue. “And this is how you battled your coffee addiction? You’ll be getting another kind of heart problem, Jakey.” He doesn’t know if you even notice your use of his old nickname - the first time you’ve used it since he’s been here - but you don’t make a big deal of it, so he doesn’t either. Not outwardly, at least. Mentally, he’s running laps around your small kitchen.

Jake laughs it off. “I thought I came here for tea, not a health check-up,” he says, smile growing wider at the sight of yours. 

“Right, sorry,” you say, giggling. “I’ll make your tea just how you like it,” you add in a sweet voice. Jake knows you’re just doing it as a joke, but it still manages to make butterflies erupt in his stomach. 

His tea tastes even sweeter that day.

--

A few days after your impromptu trip to the beach, you’re waiting for Jake outside of his class. He heard of this donut shop he “absolutely needs to visit” and is dragging you along with him - well, “dragging” is a big word considering you’d follow him anywhere. You got here a few minutes early, not needing much of a reason to leave the library, so you scroll through your feed until Jake calls out your name. You’re only mildly surprised to see Jay leaving the classroom behind him.

“Y/N! Can you believe that Jay and I are in the same class?” he says excitedly as the two boys walk toward you. You feel like a dog owner being greeted by their over-enthusiastic dog after a long day (about three hours) of being apart.

“I can believe it, actually. You two do the same degree.”

You exchange quick greetings with Jay before the three of you start heading out. As you walk, Jake throws his arm around your shoulders so casually, it almost throws you off balance. Physical contact always came easy to him, but there’s something about him doing it next to someone else that catches you off guard. It reminds you of walking somewhere with Jay and Yunjin as they discretely held hands. It makes you feel like it’s not the three of you, but Jay with the two of you. Like you and Jake come as a pair rather than as two individuals. 

All of that from a simple arm around your shoulders.

Jake asking you in a very unsubtle whisper whether Jay can come with brings you out of your head and back into the conversation. “Yeah, of course,” you say, smiling. It’s not a bad idea to have Jay along: hanging out with someone else might snap you out of your delusion.

Most of the walk to the shop is done in laughter as Jake and Jay realise how much random stuff they have in common, from their peanut allergies to the embarrassing Harry Potter phase they had as fifteen-year-olds. Grassmarket is really busy on Friday afternoons, and there’s a bit of a queue of other donut-enjoyers in front of the boutique, but you don’t mind. The sun is shining down gently on the square and it gives you time to choose your donut out of the ten or so flavours available. In the end, you go for white chocolate and raspberry, while Jake chooses Biscoff and Jay, tiramisu. 

“My friend Sunghoon would love this,” he says after taking a hearty bite. “He goes crazy over tiramisu. Like a cat with catnip.”

Jake chuckles, mouth full of Biscoff. “That’s funny, I also have a friend named Sunghoon who loves tiramisu back in Seoul.”

Jay punches Jake’s shoulder, eyes wide in amusement and shock. “Bro, that’s crazy. You have to be lying at this point,” he says, but Jake shakes his head fervently. 

“I promise I’m not. I’ve even saved his number with the tiramisu emoji.”

“There’s a tiramisu emoji?” Jay asks, already over questioning the existence of Jake’s Sunghoon.

The conversation circles back to the courses you’re all taking this semester, and Jake tells Jay about Discover Scotland and the trips he’s planned so far. “Well, if you really want to discover Scotland as a student, you need to go on a night out in Glasgow,” Jay says. Going by the look on Jake’s face, Jay’s idea seems to have struck a chord in him.

“Y/N?”

You nod, finishing your mouthful of donut before speaking. “Yeah, Glasgow’s really fun. We should go,” you say, laughing when the two boys high-five in victory. Between the train, the drinks and the club entry, going out isn’t a cheap ordeal, and getting to and fro also takes a while - even so, the smile on Jake’s face makes it worth it. 

He wipes some raspberry jam from the corner of your mouth, shooting you a wink, and you want to disintegrate right then and there, become one with the bench you’re sitting on and never have to face him again. The conversation resumes as Jay tells Jake about all the best places to go out in Glasgow, but you don’t hear a word - the feeling of Jake’s thumb so close to your lips takes away your ability for coherent thought.

“It’s decided, then. We’re going out tomorrow night,” Jay loudly announces. “Let me gather the troops.”

That’s how you find yourself in line for the club the next day, already tipsy from pre-drinking on the train and at the pub. It’s still warm enough for you and the girls to wear as little clothing as you want, but Jake insisted on giving you his flannel jacket anyway. If not for the warmth it brings, you’re glad to have his scent enveloping you.

The five of you work exceptionally well together. You, Chaewon and Yunjin have been a given since you met in first year, and Jay and Yunjin went so well together that he was but a natural addition to your little group. Jake’s only been here for over a week, but it’s like he’s always been around, and you couldn’t be happier about it. Him and Jay hit it off immediately, and although the girls needed some time to warm up to him (it’s not everyday that you meet your friend’s ex-best-friend she’s practically always been in love with; you understand why they might’ve been wary at first), they now tease him just as relentlessly as they do Jay. He takes it like a champ.

For a little while, you watch your friends speaking over each other, bickering over nothing, a smile on your face. Two pints of cider and some of Jay’s fancy vodka have made you more grateful than ever for them - if you drink too much in the club, you’ll be hugging them and crying about how much you love them. You’re not sure what that might look like around Jake, so you decide to keep yourself in check for the night. 

It takes about thirty minutes before you manage to get into the club. It’s not coat check season yet, so you head straight to the bar. “Sunghoon said he’d meet us here,” Jay says, lifting his head to spot his friend in the sea of drunk students. “Oh yeah, there he is! Hoon, hey!” 

You hear a loud “Jongseong!” being shouted from somewhere in the crowd, but you’re not sure who Jay is waving at until a boy whose face is mostly eyebrows is standing - well, standing as best as he can, with the copious amount of alcohol he’s obviously already consumed - in front of you. He gives Jay a hug and the three of you a nod of his head, a lopsided smile on his face. When he turns to Jake, his eyebrows lift first, then his face breaks into a wide grin.

“Jake, my man!” he shouts, taking a stunned Jake’s hand and bringing him into a hug. 

“Sunghoon? What the hell are you doing here?” he asks, chuckling and frowning in confusion. 

“I’m just partying, man! Same as you!”

“No, I mean here in Scotland, you dumbass!”

“You two know each other?” Jay asks, looking back and forth between his two friends.

“Jake’s my man!” Sunghoon exclaims, unhelpful and stumbling as he throws an arm around his man’s shoulders. Jake shoots you a distressed look but you just laugh at him.

“This is Tiramisu Sunghoon I told you about,” Jake says, helping Sunghoon stand up straight.

“God, what I would do for a tiramisu right now,” Sunghoon says, looking at Yunjin like she might relate. She chuckles awkwardly.

“I have no idea what he’s doing in Scotland, though. Hoon, I thought you were going to NYU for your exchange?”

Sunghoon pauses to think for a second, looking like he’s never heard of NYU in his life. “Oh, that! Yeah, I did an online orientation thing and… it did not go well. Let’s just say there’s someone in New York City who wants me dead,” he says conspiratorially. You all stare at him but he gives no further explanation. On your right, you hear Yunjin whisper what the fuck under her breath. “So I transferred here instead!”

“I didn’t know you were an exchange student,” Jay says, still looking just as confused.

“Yeah, man! But anyways, let’s not talk about uni right now. I’m on a bender, day three, baby! Do not talk to me tomorrow,” he says, chuckling until the smile suddenly drops from his face. “I mean that.” You look around yourself, glad to find everyone is just as baffled as you. “Let’s party!” Sunghoon cheers, intoxicated grin back on his lips. Jake and Jay follow, but you and the girls stay back for a second, taking in everything that has just happened.

“That. Is the most beautiful man I have ever seen,” Chaewon blurts, staring blankly at the spot Sunghoon stood in a second ago.

“Yeah, he also seems to be a raging alcoholic. And he’s what, twenty-one?” Yunjin says, a scowl on her face. 

“I could fix him.”

“Okay, let’s go,” you say, grabbing your friends by their wrists before either of them can say something worse.

Feeling generous, Sunghoon buys shots for all six of you, and you quickly down them before heading to the dancefloor. On your way there, a group of sober-looking girls hand Chaewon a giant, still almost full jug of red liquid, something that costs at least twelve pounds here. They say they’re leaving and don’t need it anymore, smiling as you profusely and astonishedly thank them. You look at your friends, mentally weighing the risk and drugging possibility this might present, but shrug and pass the jug around after taking hearty sips anyway. It tastes so much like fizzy cherries that you wonder if it even contains any alcohol, but sure enough, twenty minutes later, the three of you are spinning around on the dancefloor, screaming the lyrics to your favourite pop songs at the top of your lungs. Jake at a club is a completely foreign sight to you, and you can’t stop laughing at all the silly moves he pulls. 

You’re shaking your whole body to a Nicki song from the early 2010s when you suddenly feel a hand on your hip. Before you can turn around and slap whoever this random man is that thinks he can touch you, a familiar voice whispers it’s just me in your ear, and you simultaneously relax and tense up knowing that Jake is standing right behind you. “There’s a creep staring at you,” he explains, lips and breath gently tickling your ear as he speaks. You look around the room and quickly notice a man standing in a corner, drink in one hand and the other in his pocket, unmoving as he eyes you with a smirk so slimy it makes your stomach turn. To avoid his gaze, you turn around, but you’re not sure the sight you’re met with is much better for you.

Jake peers down at you, eyes slightly glossed over and cheeks flushed from the alcohol, jaw locked in annoyance. He glances at the guy in the corner, who you assume is still staring when you feel Jake’s hands brush along your sides until they reach your waist. His gaze returns to your face as he brings you a step closer to him. Reflexively, you wrap your arms around his neck. 

“Is this okay?” he mouths. All you can do is meekly nod. You watch as his eyes deliberately scan your face, going down and down. Time stills when they reach your lips and stay there. It’s like someone has put the booming music of the club on mute, and the only thing you can hear is your heart loudly beating in your ears. You suddenly feel very sober.

You swear Jake’s face is slowly inching its way towards yours when you’re abruptly taken away. Yunjin has grabbed you by the forearm, leading you and Chaewon to the bathroom as she chants “Bathroom break! Bathroom break!”, clearly unaware of the moment she’s just interrupted.

Because of the queue for the girls’ bathroom and Chaewon’s decision to console this random girl who was in the middle of a breakdown, it’s not until half-an-hour later that you emerge back into the crowd. You spot the boys at a table, two empty shots each in front of them and all three with a beer in hand. They will not be happy checking their bank accounts tomorrow morning. 

“Y/N! You’re back!” Jake calls out happily when he spots you, and you can tell right away that he’s much drunker than when you left him. His whole face is flush, his eyes don’t open quite all the way, and a lopsided smile won’t leave his lips - even like this, he’s so pretty that you want to grab his hand and take him somewhere it’s just the two of you. 

Chaewon gets drinks for the three of you and then you’re dancing again. It’s already one am at this point, and the remaining two hours until the club closes, fueled with alcohol and good music, go by in a flash. Before you know it, the DJ is playing All of Me by John Legend and the lights have been turned on, clear signs that you’re overstaying your welcome. The few people that have made it to closing time stumble out of the club and into the street, heading for either the nearest subway stop or the next party of the night. Since there are no trains at this time, your group walks to the close-by bus station, listening to Jake and Sunghoon grumble about how the clubs in Seoul don’t close until at least five or six and how trains run all night there. 

The bus is already at the station when you get there, and the driver doesn’t seem too pleased about having six mildly drunk kids get on his bus, but he’s probably used to questionable people taking public transport at this time of the day anyway. Physically, Sunghoon is sitting across from you, but mentally, he’s off somewhere far, far from this bus. With his head against the window and mouth wide open, saliva pooling at the corner of his lips, he looks like he’s any second away from obnoxiously snoring. Jay and Yunjin are sitting somewhere you can’t see them, probably eating each other’s faces; she once told you they had their “most mind-blowing sex” when both a little drunk, and much to your dismay, you haven’t been able to get that piece of information out of your head since. Chaewon is on the phone to her long-distance bestie Sakura, for whom it’s a nice eleven in the morning right now. 

This means that you and Jake are left alone, both of you still tipsy and not tired enough to fall asleep. You drop your head on Jake’s shoulder, and not only does he let you, he also takes your hand in his, interlacing your fingers and placing them atop his thigh. Clumsily, because he now has to use his left hand, Jake slips his phone out of his back pocket and shows you the photos he took all evening. As the night progresses, they get blurrier and blurrier, so much so that towards the end, you can’t tell what he was even trying to capture, and you laugh at how inappropriate some of these would be to submit in a university project. 

When he softly says your name, you don’t raise your head, simply humming to let him know you’re listening. You close your eyes, cherishing the way your name sounds on his lips. It’s his tone, tentative and vulnerable as he tells you there’s something he’s been wanting to ask you, that makes you look up at him. He, however, won’t meet your eyes, and settles his gaze on the window, even though it’s so dark outside you can’t make out a thing.

“How come you never replied to my letter? I know it’s been ages, but… I still find myself wondering about it.” The question is softly asked and you know he by no means wants to hurt you, but it still feels like a punch to the throat. You hadn’t remembered who it was that had sent the last letter, while he’d been wondering all these years why his words had been left unanswered. 

He seems set on not looking at you, so you rest your head back on his shoulder. Your hand is still in his. “I’m not sure, Jakey. I’m sorry,” you say, aware it’s not a satisfying answer. You’ve thought about why you and Jake had stopped talking for hours on end; you’ve discussed it with your friends and your mum, looked at it from all sorts of angles, tried to come up with real reasons other than time pulling you apart. But now that Jake himself is asking you about it, the words don’t come easy. You’ve theorised that you were afraid putting effort into sustaining your friendship would only hurt you in the end, because it was just that - a friendship. You could fool yourself into thinking you were okay only being friends with him when he was with you, that putting your feelings aside was worth it since you could at least spend time with him. But now that he was away, you didn’t have that anymore - it just hurt. So what was the point? And how could you phrase all this without betraying your feelings for him?

“Our letters were so sparse anyway back then, even our texts and calls were getting less and less frequent… And whenever I had a new boyfriend, I’d get into the same argument about being too close to you over and over again, even though you were literally on another continent.” 

“You know, I always felt sorry about that.”

“About what?”

“Those boyfriends of yours. I felt like you waited for me to leave before you started dating-”

“It wasn’t like that!” you exclaim, lifting your head again. Finally, he meets your eyes, gaze softening upon seeing your affronted expression. “It wasn’t like that,” you repeat, relaxing your tone. “If anything, they were the ones that waited for you to be gone. I'm sorry I let their jealousy get to me.”

Jake smiles, the tenderness in his gaze making your whole body turn to jelly. He squeezes your hands. “It’s okay. I just… I felt like I was always in the way of your relationships, even after I left.”

“You don’t have to feel sorry about that. They should’ve had more trust in me.”

He pauses, gaze dropping down to your intertwined hands. “I would’ve been jealous.” When his eyes find yours again, there’s something in them that you quite can’t place. It creates a ball of nerves that pull at your stomach. “If I were dating you, and you had a guy friend you were as close with as we were back then, I’d be jealous. You know, I’d assume he had feelings for you. And that you might have feelings for him, too.”

Because I did, you think. I did, and I still do. You try to communicate that thought to Jake, but telepathy works especially bad when one has as much alcohol coursing through their veins as you do right now. So instead, you say the opposite of what you’re thinking, turning away from Jake to avoid his gaze. You watch the dribble of saliva trickle from Sunghoon’s lips. “That’s not a great view of male-female friendship.” 

Jake’s retort comes immediately. “But we were different, right?”

His words echo through your head until they make even less sense than they did initially. Different from what? From who? You’re not sure - but you like the idea of you and Jake being different, special. You especially like the idea of Jake thinking so. So you look at him and smile. “Right.” 

Slowly, his grin fades and turns into a worried expression. “Y/N?”

“Mm?”

“We’re still different now, aren’t we?”

You want to wrap him in your arms so tightly neither of you can breathe. You settle for running a hand through his hair and pinching his cheek. “Course we are.” Your whole being relaxes when his face breaks into a smile again. 

--

The next morning, you wake up to Yunjin plopping down on your bed unceremoniously, shaking you awake, and asking you if you want anything from Snax Café. On one hand, you’re grateful that she thought of you and that in thirty minutes’ time, you’ll have the greasiest sausage wrap and hash browns known to man in your hand; on the other, you’d like to think that she knows you well enough to know to order your regular from there without asking. But that’s probably the hangover talking.

You stumble out of bed, thanking last night’s you for having remembered to take headache medicine before crashing. Even if your stomach is very upset with the copious amount of alcohol it needs to rid your body of, and your throat is begging for water, at least your head doesn’t feel like it’s been split into two. As Yunjin barges into Chaewon’s room just as she had done yours, you head for the kitchen to get yourself a tall glass of revitalising tap water. You’re only mildly surprised to find Sunghoon passed out on your living room couch - it takes you a few seconds to remember that the three of you took pity on him when you learned he lived over an hour’s walk from the station, so you let him spend the night on your uncomfortable, cold leather sofa. While you down your glass in three gulps, you hear Yunjin shaking Sunghoon awake and asking him loudly if he wanted something from Snax.

“Fuck, I’d kill for a Snax right now,” he groggily says before he’s even opened his eyes. When he does, they dart around the room until they land on Yunjin, who's crouching in front of him. He looks like he thought her question was asked in a dream and not in real life. He also looks like he's not quite sure where he is, or who Yunjin is. It isn’t until Jay comes wobbling out of Yunjin’s bed to the couch opposite Sunghoon that the memories seem to piece back together in his head. The three of you watch him like he’s an unstable mental patient and you’re his doctors. 

“No need for that, I’m ordering it on Deliveroo.” He nods his head and goes back to sleep for the time being. 

Just as you’re about to text Jake, your phone rings with a call from him. His raspy morning voice as he asks you whether you slept well makes you want to put your head in an oven heated at 200 degrees Celsius. However, you resist the urge, and answer him with a smile, then ask him the same question.

“I slept pretty well too. I’d have slept in longer but one of my flatmates decided to have a Sunday fucking brunch and his friends are so loud. Can I come over?”

You’re very aware of the other people in the room, especially of Chaewon who has just walked in and is eyeing you suspiciously as if to say, Why are you smiling so hard at ten in the morning? You know the girls would jump at any opportunity to tease you about Jake, and with the added presence of Sunghoon in the room, you can’t have that. So you stifle the giggles bubbling in your throat and answer as nonchalantly as you can. It also gives you the chance to reflect on why Jake Sim asking you whether he can come over makes you want to giggle like a giddy schoolgirl so much.

(Maybe it’s because when it comes to him, you’re still the giddy schoolgirl you used to be.)

“Yeah, of course. I was going to ask you if you wanted anything from Snax, actually.”

“Snax? What’s that?”

“Oh my God, Jake, am I about to introduce you to Snax right now?”

Twenty minutes later, the six of you are sitting around your small living room table, all varying amounts of tired, dehydrated and famished as you dig into your breakfast. Given your current levels of energy, it’s fairly quiet; plus, the food hits such a spot that it’s hard to talk and eat at the same time. Jake eats like he’s never had a breakfast wrap and hash brown in his life. It’s an endearing sight if you’ve ever seen one. 

You spend the afternoon together, watching movies curled up in your bed, and you try desperately not to think about the implications of that - except that’s hard to do when Jake is right next to you, legs and arms ever-so-slightly brushing against yours, his warmth so close yet so out of reach. You purposefully let him pick movies you’ve already seen so that you don’t have to focus on anything but your own thoughts and the faint but dizzying scent of his body wash. The both of you had an innumerable amount of sleepovers as kids, so this shouldn’t feel weird, but it decidedly does, probably because you’re much more aware of him now in a way you weren’t before.  

As hard as you try to figure out what exactly he meant by “different,” you draw a blank. The only way you’ll understand is if you ask him, and you’re far too scared to do that. You don’t want to seem so hung upon a singular word he used when he was tipsy. It might be slightly dramatic, but you felt like some sort of balance had been restored since Jake was back in your life - the problem was it made you scared to do anything that might threaten this newfound equilibrium. It at least seems like different means a good thing to him, and that’s enough for you. 

You look over to him when the second movie comes to an end. He’s sleeping peacefully, lashes caressing the skin under his eyes and cheeks looking rounder than usual. It’d be so easy to reach a finger out and trace the line descending from the top of his forehead to his chin, gliding along the bump of his nose and feeling the plumpness of his rosy lips, but you settle for drawing that line with your eyes instead.  

You don’t think you’ll be able to fall asleep with him next to you and your heart beating so loudly in your ears, but you find yourself waking up a few hours later, the sun already starting to set. Jake is already awake, scrolling on his phone, one arm casually behind his head as if being in your bed is as comfortable to him as being in his own. When he sees you’ve woken up, his honey-coated smile washes warmly over you, and he makes a joke about how he keeps on falling asleep when he’s with you. “I feel that at ease, I guess,” he says, and you hope you’re not making up the small blush that spreads over his cheeks. 

--

Semesters are always a short and intense affair, but this one passes by even quicker with Jake by your side. Before you know it, it’s midterms already, and you and Jake have travelled enough for him to complete his project and make another one just for the hell of it. He had scoured the internet for the cheapest train tickets and most noteworthy sites, planning trips that lasted anywhere between three hours and a day for the two of you. All you needed to do was follow and trust him, which was the easiest thing anyone could’ve asked of you. 

You’ve gone back to Glasgow, during the day, this time, as well as St. Andrews and Aberdeen. You’ve practically visited every loch and castle in a one-hour train ride radius of Edinburgh, and Jake has more lined up for the second part of the semester. He’s even said that your trips should continue being a thing next term, and you couldn’t have agreed faster. With every new destination, every train ride spent looking out a window or laughing about everything and anything, any odd Scottish food you try for the first time, you somehow fall for him a bit deeper. You didn’t know your love for him could bloom any more than it already had - but Jake is the gift that keeps on giving, and, unwillingly or not, he always finds new ways to make your heart speed that much faster.

Attentionate, affectionate, sweet Jake who always makes sure you’re comfortable wherever you go, always gives you his jacket or tucks your hair behind your ear to prevent it from falling in your face. Who, as time passed, grew more touchy, would hold your hand, ruffle your hair, pinch your cheek, which was simultaneously devastating and elating. Who, you could tell, started to linger more, both in his touch and in his gaze. Questions of does he love me back or am I seeing what I want to see? nearly drove you mad. 

--

“I feel like at this point the only way she’ll understand that I like her is if I kill myself and write in my suicide note that it’s her fault for not loving me back.”

Jake has been pacing back and forth in Jay’s living room for approximately twenty minutes, with no end in sight. At least he’ll have gotten most of his ten thousand steps of the day in.

Jay sighs heavily. “Okay, I really don’t think you need to go that far.”

“Sounds romantic to me,” Sunghoon says, mouth full of salted caramel popcorn.

“I hope you never get a girlfriend,” Jay retorts, looking at his deranged friend with a scowl. He turns back to his (slightly more) normal friend and gives him a sympathetic smile. 

“I mean, I told her we were different. Different. That we weren’t like regular friends. I tell her she’s pretty every chance I get. I give her my jacket all the time, even though this country is fucking cold. I’ve even given her a t-shirt of mine, sprayed with my perfume and everything. And don’t get me wrong, I do it ‘cause I love doing that for her-”

“Simp,” Sunghoon snickers.

“But what the hell else can I do? Like, she has to be ignoring it on purpose at this point.” 

“You could always, you know… tell her?”

Jake scoffs, fixing his friend with a derisive look. “Wow. What a great idea, Jay, I never thought of that one before!”

A popcorn lands right on Jay’s cheek. “You’re so clueless, man,” Sunghoon says, a shit-eating smirk on his lips. As if he knows any better.

Jay looks back-and-forth between his friends, an expression on his face like he’s been disparaged. “Sorry, I didn’t know being straightforward and honest was such a bad thing. It would just make things a lot clearer for the both of you.”

“But… I’m scared,” Jake says. 

“Man up!” Sunghoon suddenly yells, punching the sofa next to him, making his friends jump. “How can she ever figure it out if you don’t tell her?”

“You were on my side just a second ago, man, what are you doing?” Jake asks, confusion written all over his face. Sunghoon’s eyes dart back and forth between the two boys, retreating into silence as he stuffs his mouth with another handful of popcorn.

“Just ignore him,” Jay says. “But for once, he did say something that makes a modicum of sense. You think you’re being really obvious, but you might not actually be. Which could be a good sign, you know. I heard girls were super aware of a guy liking them if they weren’t into him, but being totally oblivious if they did like him.”

“Where did you hear that?” Jake asks, an eyebrow raised in suspicion.

“...Instagram Reels,” Jay reluctantly admits, frowning at Sunghoon who bursts into laughter. 

Jake holds the bridge of his nose between two fingers like his head aches. “You’re both so useless, I’m never coming to you with my problems ever again.”

“I’ll pretend I’m not offended by that.”

“I’d rather you didn’t, anyway,” Sunghoon says. He’s smiling but Jake genuinely can’t tell if he’s joking or not.

“But seriously, if you think you’ve done everything, then just do one last thing that’s so obvious she can’t misinterpret it,” Jay says.

“Like what?”

“Like kissing her, or some-”

“Kissing her?!” Jake echoes.

“That’s wild, man,” Sunghoon uselessly butts in.

“It’s just an example, calm yourselves,” Jay says. “Or, again, just straight up tell her how you feel. It’s what I did with Yunjin, and it worked.”

“You and Yunjin are dating?” Sunghoon asks, bewildered.

Jay shakes his head at him. “Where the hell have you been, bro? We were literally cuddling on the couch the other day.”

“I just thought you were really good friends, or something.”

Jake groans, holding his head in his hands. Sunghoon was of no help whatsoever, and Jay was so on point that it annoyed him. Confessing was the only solution - but Jake was so afraid of being rejected and losing your friendship that he had barely entertained the thought. But he had found the courage to do it once, and even though his planned confession had fallen through back then, he could get himself together and do it again. 

It was the day he had told you he was moving to Korea, which he himself had learned that morning. Originally, he’d texted you because he had news to share - good news. Or at least, he hoped they were good. He hoped the soft, lingering looks you gave him weren’t a figment of his imagination but rather the confirmation he needed that you liked him back. He hoped that like him, you cared too much about your friendship to make the first move into something else; that by confessing first, you’d be relieved of that responsibility; that his wish to hold your hand and kiss your forehead wasn’t one-sided. 

He decided not to prepare anything - just a couple sentences that he’d rehearsed over and over in his head. Declarations of love, bouquets of flowers, chocolate and couple keychains, all that could wait until after you’d said yes to being his girlfriend. He didn’t want to win you over just once, he wanted to show you every day how much he loved you. Fourteen-year-old Jake was absolutely head over heels for you; so imagine his disappointment when, as he was getting ready to meet with you, his parents called him downstairs, a tone to their voice Jake wasn’t familiar with, but that couldn’t mean anything good. 

“Your dad’s job is sending us back to Seoul next month,” his mom announced, not beating around the bush. He felt everything quite literally crumbling down around him. His friends in Brisbane, his school, his hobbies, but above all, you. He’d lose it all. And what was the point now in telling you how he felt? If you felt the same way, it would only make his departure that much harder, and if you didn’t, it would ruin your last moments together. It just wasn’t worth it.

What he had planned to be good news turned into the most awful ones. The thought of it happening all over again makes twenty-year-old Jake shudder. But he wouldn’t let himself be trapped by time again - sure, in seven months, the academic year would be over, and he would go back to Korea. But that didn’t mean that those seven months should be spent in agony, or the following ones either, for that matter. You would make it work. What was long-distance to someone who loved someone else as much as Jake loved you?

But he doesn’t want to get ahead of himself. He has to start by really resolving to do this, and in the off-chance that it actually goes in his favour, he’d start worrying about long distance then.

First, he has a trip to plan.

--

You should’ve known that a trip to the Scottish Highlands in the middle of November was a risky choice in terms of weather. The day started off nicely enough - no sign of rain when you woke up or as you watched the sunrise through the train window. Clouds turned the sky a bright white at first, then increasingly greyer and greyer. You feel the first drops of rain after lunch as you walk around a small village. By four pm, it’s pitch black and storming like you’ve rarely seen before. You head into a pub to grab a drink as you wait for the rain to subside, but subside it does not. You end up ordering fish and chips, one each, although one serving is enough to feed three. Even after taking your time eating, the bad weather does not let up. The last train, which is meant to be at eight pm, has been cancelled. Luckily, there’s an inn right across the road from the pub; you have no choice but to spend the night. 

The inn receptionist is sitting so low on her chair, you can barely see her over the desk until you’re standing right over it. Her face is hidden by a book and it’s only when you say hiya that she seems to realise you’re there. You had never heard of the book or of its author, but you recognized the cover design as that of those romance novels with repetitive plots and weirdly misogynistic love interests your mum and every other middle-aged woman was obsessed with.

Her smile widens as she looks between you and Jake. “Hi there. One room for the lovely couple?”

“Oh, we’re not-”

“Yes, please,” Jake interrupts, smiling down at her, then at you. “It’ll be cheaper if we share a room.”

“Our only room with two single beds is already taken, I’m afraid. One double bed okay for you two?”

You feel like you’re about to faint, so you’re glad Jake is there to answer. “Yeah, of course.” How the idea of sharing one bed with you is so okay to him, you’re not sure - granted, you’ve done it before, but this feels different. For all intents and purposes, this is a hotel room you’re staying in. And you’re staying in it with Jake. 

You try to calm your breathing as the receptionist guides you to your room, chatting casually with Jake on the way there. As she unlocks the door for you, she informs you that check-out must be done before eleven in the morning tomorrow, then bids you good night and leaves you to it, still wearing that smile you swear has mischievousness to it. The door clicks shut behind you, and it’s just Jake and you again, together in this small room until tomorrow morning. Your chances of survival are very, very low. 

Your room is a humble one, consisting of a desk, a cupboard, two armchairs, a small, separate bathroom and the infamous bed. Every surface seems to be covered with wood, from the ceiling, to the walls, to the old-fashioned furniture. Only the floor is a soft, beige carpet. Especially with the darkness outside, it makes for a gloomy room until you turn on the lamp by the entrance; it casts a warm, golden light in the room, one that would make you feel at ease if it wasn’t for Jake’s presence next to you. The implications of being essentially trapped in a barely-lit room with him are heavy on your mind, especially when he looks this gorgeous with his hair still damp from the rain and the soft lights playing on his face. 

His voice brings you out of your thoughts. “Right. Do you, um, do you wanna shower first?” he asks, setting his bag on one of the armchairs.

“Oh. Yeah, sure.” There has never been such an awkward tension between the two of you, but you know you’re not doing anything to ease it. You hope a shower will help you get out of your head and make you relax.

You feel the tension leave your muscles under the hot water, but your stomach is still in knots. You’ve never been this nervous around Jake before; back when you were fourteen and again in these past few months, you’d gotten so used to dealing with your unspoken feelings for him that you could almost forget about them when you were with him. They’d come back to you when you were alone and dwelling on the moments you’d spent together, on his words and actions you desperately tried not to read too much into but always ended up doing anyway. But right now, they’ve floated to the surface, becoming as obvious to you as a stain on your skin you can’t rub away. You’re scared Jake will notice it, and, in the worst case scenario you often thought about, would run away and never speak to you again. 

At least the raging storm outside would make that a bit harder.

When you step out of the shower, you curse yourself for not having worn more comfortable clothes on this trip. You definitely can’t wear these jeans and button-up sweater to lounge around. Thankfully, the inn provides two long bathrobes that you could wear over underwear and your tank top, but you wonder where on the scale of inappropriate this would be to wear with Jake in the room. He’s seen you in short pyjama shorts before, but this, like everything else that would usually be normal between the two of you, feels weird today. 

You wrap the bathrobe around yourself, tying it in place around your waist, and decide that it’d only be weird if you made it weird. And if Jake found the sight of your bare legs weird, then he was the weird one.

The scene you’re met with as you walk into the room makes you want to retreat into the bathroom immediately. Jake is lying on the bed with his upper half against the headboard, one leg extended and the other one bent, resting his head against one palm, using his free hand to scroll through his phone. His t-shirt has ridden up slightly, putting the waistband of his Calvin Kleins into view. Worst of all, when he sees you, his face breaks into a grin. 

Your stomach twists when he gives you a once-over, letting his gaze linger on your legs. “Did you bring a bathrobe with you or was it included?” he asks with an annoyingly handsome smirk.

You roll your eyes. “Yes, I bring a bathrobe with me wherever I go,” you say sarcastically. “Now shut up and go shower, you stink.” Reverting to insults is always the solution when you’re internally freaking out.

“Yes, ma’am.” 

He takes so long in the shower that by the time he comes out, you’ve dozed off in bed. As if you were a child, he wakes you up with a boop to the nose, crouching next to the bed and smiling at you. His wet hair falls on his head like that of a movie star in a shower scene, which you find extremely unfair, and his cheeks are red from the warmth of the water. 

“It’s still early. Do you wanna go grab another drink?”

“In our bathrobes?” you say, laughing. “Nah, I don’t really feel like drinking anyway.” Read: I’m not sure what I’ll do with alcohol in me.

“Okay, no worries. Um, I think I saw they had board games in the lobby?”

Your ears perk up at this. “Ooh, what kind of board games?”

Putting jeans on underneath his bathrobe, Jake slips away for a minute and comes back with Monopoly, Uno, and a deck of cards. “They didn’t have much for two players,” he says, dumping everything on the bed. 

You already knew that anything would become fun if you did it with Jake, but you definitely didn’t expect to spend almost five hours just playing Monopoly and card games with him. Neither of you stays put for very long, always switching from sitting criss-cross to laying on your stomach, making fun of the other’s bathrobe even though you’re wearing the exact same thing. You make each other laugh as you make up your own nonsense rules and disregard the laws of your games, attacking the other ruthlessly for a couple extra points or coins. Jake even makes you go get snacks from a corner store that’s miraculously still open because you lose the first round of Uno. 

After some time, Jake lets out a loud yawn, which in turn makes you yawn too. He checks his phone to find that it’s close to midnight already. “Time for bed?” he asks, and your nervousness that had finally dissipated as you played came rushing back. 

You nod. “Yeah, sounds good.”

The two of you clean up before brushing your teeth. Even that, with Jake by your side, becomes a silly affair as he pulls faces in the mirror and nudges your hip with his. You stay behind to use the toilet, and when you come back out, Jake’s already in bed, bathrobe tossed on one of the armchairs. This means that Jake is just casually in a t-shirt and boxers, waiting for you to join him in bed. Luckily, his back is turned to you, so you quickly take off your own bathrobe and slide under the sheets, careful to keep your distance from him. The sheets are cold underneath you, and you know it’ll take a while before your body heat warms them up - although you feel very hot and bothered because of the man lying next to you. 

“Gosh, I’m really sleepy all of a sudden,” he says, words distorted by a yawn. You only hum in response, and he reaches for the lamp to turn it off. Just like that, you’re in complete darkness, and Jake’s body is mere inches from your own. 

It’s eerily quiet for a while, and when you’ve managed to slow your heartbeat and regularise your breathing, you start trying to fall asleep. You toss and turn, unable to find a comfortable position until Jake’s low, sleepy voice breaks the silence. “Can’t sleep?” he asks, and you freeze.

You sigh. “No. I’m sorry for keeping you up,” you say guiltily.

“It’s okay. I can’t really sleep either. It’s a bit cold in here.”

You pause. “Right. Yeah, it is,” you say, even though you feel like you’re sweating buckets. 

The room plunges into silence again, long enough for you to think Jake has fallen asleep. You feel something cold against your foot, only realising as it slides up your calf that it’s his foot. “Jake!” you whisper-yell, withdrawing your leg as he bursts into giggles that warm your heart. “Your feet are so cold,” you say in-between chuckles.

“I’m cold all over,” he whines. “Have they not turned the heating on yet? It’s already mid-November.”

“People are used to the cold here.”

“Well I’m not. Can we cuddle?” he suddenly asks, and he must somehow feel the way you freeze in place because he stammers out a justification straight away. “For, I mean, just for warmth, you know. I don’t think I’ll sleep otherwise.”

His foot finds yours again and you can’t help but laugh. “Sure, fine,” you say with a sigh as if you were doing only half-heartedly for his sake. As if this was some big sacrifice you were making, and not something you’d daydreamed about one too many times before. 

Your heart is beating a thousand miles a second when you scooch closer to Jake, his hands finding your waist as easily as if they’d been there a hundred times before. He pulls you in much closer than you had expected, holding you tightly against his chest, one arm for you to use as a pillow and one hand resting on your lower back. You try to calm your respiration so that he can’t hear how short of breath you are, but based on his own breathing, he seems to be out in five minutes. It takes you longer to fall asleep, every shift of his body sending shivers down your spine, but you manage to relax after some time, letting his warmth envelop you as you drift off to sleep.

--

The feeling of waking up with you in his arms is so unreal, Jake thinks he might still be dreaming.

He looks down at your peaceful sleeping face and can’t stop the smile that spreads on his lips. Jake always thinks you’re pretty, but this is a sight he particularly wants to commit to memory. He watches fondly as the bright sun rays of the early morning hit your face, making you scrunch your eyebrows and bury your face deeper against him. You grunt softly, and when he feels you shifting and stretching your legs, he pretends to fall asleep so you don’t catch him staring. It seems like you’ve raised your head, chin tilted towards him - if he’s lucky, you’re watching him “sleep” just like he did seconds ago.

He contains a smile at the joke that forms itself in his brain before shooting his eyes open, catching you off guard during what you thought was a private, secret moment. 

“Shit!” you yelp, practically jumping off of him and rolling onto the other side of the bed. He bursts into laughter, proud that his little prank was effective. Before you can scold him, he makes his way to you, wrapping an arm around your waist and bringing your back against his chest. He thinks he feels your body tense; but then you bring your hand over his, swiping your thumb back and forth against his skin, and you relax in his hold. “You’re so annoying,” you complain, but your voice is tender, almost weak.

He buries his face in your hair, trying not to be too loud when he inhales there. “Sorry,” he says, the smile evident in his voice. “The opportunity was right there. Caught you staring, huh?”

“You’re such an idiot.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.” It’s quiet for a few minutes, and Jake is more than happy to enjoy this moment in silence, but there’s something burning the tip of his tongue. It’s been there for a while now, but he thinks he’s finally found the right moment. “Y/N?”

“Mm?”

“There’s something I couldn’t tell you last night, but I feel oddly okay saying it right now. Are you listening?” 

“I am, yeah,” you say gently, voice so soft it caresses his skin and draws goosebumps from it.

His chest expands and falls with a deep, shaky breath. With your back right against it, he’s scared you’ll hear that his heart is beating faster than it should. “Bad news first?” he says with a nervous chuckle.

“Uh-oh.”

“There’s no roundabout way to say this, so here goes, I guess.” He takes another breath. “I’m in love with you, Y/N.” You tense in his embrace, and he waits for you to say something, anything before he continues.

“Oh,” is all you say. He hopes it’s a good oh - even if it isn’t, he doesn’t let it deter him.

“Yeah. I really debated telling you this… I know you might not feel the same way. But I also know that if I don’t say anything and make the same mistake twice, I’ll beat myself up over it for the rest of my life.”

“The same mistake?” you ask, looking at him over your shoulder.

He gazes down at you tenderly, pushing hair away from your face with a gentle hand. “I already felt that way back when we lived in Australia. I was about to tell you but when I learned that I was moving, I didn’t wanna risk ruining the little time we had left together.”

The look on your face both breaks his heart and patches it up again. “Jakey…” you say, voice just a whisper. You turn around to face him and bury your face in the crook of his neck. The fact that you’re not saying much is making his stomach twist in agonising stress, but he takes it as a good sign that you’re still holding him tight and not running away.

“I think I’d be the luckiest guy on Earth if you felt the same way,” he says, hopefulness clear in his voice. 

And then he finally hears the words he’s been dying to hear all these years. “Of course, I feel the same way, Jake,” you say, eyes meeting his. “This isn’t bad news at all, it’s like, the best possible news ever.”

It takes him a few seconds, but when your words sink in, a bright smile graces his features. He feels tears coming up - tears of relief that you feel the same way, of sadness that it took the both of you so long to get here, of happiness that something new might start - he’s not sure. Perhaps everything at once.

“Of course?” he echoes, smiling wildly. “It wasn’t obvious to me.”

“Oh, gosh,” you murmur, burying yourself into him once more. “I can’t believe this is actually happening.”

He tightened his hold around you, bringing you to him as close as physically possible. “Me neither.”

The feeling of you tangling your bare legs with his and bunching up the fabric of his t-shirt in your fist awakens something in him - he had been in his head, thanking the heavens that you loved him back, reeling from his belated confession, but he was now very aware of his body. And of yours. He was reminded of Jay telling him to kiss you - although he hadn’t needed to go there to reveal his feelings to you, it was still a possibility. It was even more so now that he knew you felt the same way. 

He tries to be subtle as he brushes a hand up your back to the nape of your neck, gently grazing his fingernails against the skin there. He has to suppress a self-satisfied smirk when he feels you squirm under his touch, lifting your head to fix him with a scolding look. Your stern expression fades as soon as his eyes fall on your lips, however, and you quickly mirror his gaze. His lips part, and he feels his whole body shake as he takes a deep breath in. Who knew that you’d share your first kiss on a random Sunday morning in the fuckass middle of nowhere in Scotland?

Maybe you take pity on him, or you recognise the effort put into being the one to make the first move, or, as he’d like to think, you just really want to kiss him - either way, you’re the one who closes the gap and presses your lips to his.

Your lips. So soft, so delicate against his, absolutely perfect. It’s a simple, tentative touch, but he’s craved it for so long that it makes his head spin. He frowns, despite himself instantly needing more than this feather-like feeling of your lips brushing against each other. His mind tells him to calm down and take it slow, but his body takes over, urging him to grab the nape of your neck a little harder, to hold you a little closer to him, to kiss you a little stronger. Thankfully, you let him do all of this and more, hands finding purchase in his hair and returning his intensity tenfold. 

He doesn’t know what’s better - the fact that you’re kissing him or the kiss itself. The way your lips move against his is intoxicating; it wraps itself around its mind and leaves no room for thoughts that aren’t of you. You seem to want him as desperately as he wants you, to have waited for him as long as he did for you, and this is what drives him crazy. You press your body against his and he sees stars; you let out a moan against his lips and he kisses you deeper, ready to do anything to hear that melody again. 

Unfortunately, the only melody he gets to hear is that of his phone alarm, informing you that it’s quarter to eleven and that you have fifteen minutes to leave. Check-out at eleven am had sounded nice yesterday; now, he would stay in this dingy inn his whole life if it meant he got to keep kissing you. 

The both of you reluctantly break apart, bursting into giddy laughter when your eyes meet. As said before, Jake always thinks you’re pretty, but with your pupils blown and your lips plump from kissing, this might just be the prettiest he’s ever seen you. 

“You know, I like you a lot, but I’d like you even more if you could stop time,” you say.

He looks down at you with a smile, pushing away the strands of hair that had fallen on your face. “Sure, I’ll learn how to control time for you.”

“Thanks, Jakey.” You peck his lips, lingering, and he closes his eyes to savour your sweetness. 

“Anything for you, baby.” His eyes widen at the nickname slip, but you erupt into giggles.

“Baby?”

“Would you look at the time, we really got to go,” he says, detangling his limbs from yours. He pauses for a second. “Baby,” he repeats, pressing a quick kiss to your forehead before bouncing from the bed.

You get ready together, and the mundane tasks of stripping sheets from a bed and packing bags become the funnest things he’s ever done. You’re all over each other, attacking the other with kisses and hugs; Jake doesn’t think he’s ever felt quite this happy. 

And this is only the beginning.

--

There’s a glint in the receptionist’s eyes when you check out of your room, as if she knew something you and Jake had been oblivious to all along. It’s the only one in town, so you go back to the little pub for a full breakfast with eggs, hash browns, haggis, and sausages. You get coffee so strong you think you might not sleep for the next four days, while Jake drinks tea that is equal parts sugar, milk, and actual tea.

From the moment you leave the pub to the moment you arrive at your doorstep, Jake’s hands barely leave yours. When they have to, like when you’re searching for the perfect seat on the train or when the controller checks your tickets, they’re back together within a minute, like two magnets that can’t stay apart for too long. The rain has long subsided, leaving place to a bright blue sky and wet blades of grass that shine in the sun. 

Now that your mutual feelings don’t need to be kept secret, you tell each other about everything you had to go through, like you pretending your good news was your mum having baked the cookies Jake liked and him seeing your new boyfriends every two months on your close friends story. He tells you about all the hints he’s dropped, causing you to facepalm over and over again. It feels like two friends catching each other to speed on all the latest gossip, except the topic of that gossip is you.

The juxtaposition of your familiarity with Jake with the novelty of behaving like a couple, of not having to hold back with your touches or gazes or words, is nothing if not jarring. But you have a feeling you’ll get used to it in no time. 

As you unlock the front door to your building, you don’t ask him if he’s coming up - to you, it’s a given that you’ll be spending the rest of today and every day after that together. So when he doesn’t follow you, staying still on the threshold, you turn around with a questioning look on your face. 

“There’s something I need to do this afternoon,” he says, taking both of your hands in his.

“Can’t I come with?” you say. Jake wavers for a second, but sadly, he stays firm in his decision.

“Sorry, baby, it’s a surprise. I’ll be back at seven with takeout?”

You can’t possibly be mad at him when he calls you baby and offers food in the same breath. “Only if you bring takeout.”

“You only love me because I feed you, don’t you?” he asks, a smile on his face.

“Yup,” you reply. You’re standing on a step, so you bend down to kiss him - you intend for it to be a peck, but when your lips touch, you’re unable to pull away. You let yourself get lost in the feeling of his lips on yours, in the warmth that takes over your body and makes your brain all fuzzy. 

A loud, affronted gasp from behind you makes you jump from Jake, and when you turn around, Chaewon and Yunjin are standing in the stairwell, staring at you with wide eyes and gaping mouths. 

“So this was a sexcapade?” is, much to your horror, the first thing Yunjin says.

Thanks to Chaewon, neither you nor Jake have the time to dwell on this sentence as she comes running down the stairs and pounces on you. You don’t know how a woman so small can have such force, but her hug is so tight you can barely breathe, let alone hug her back properly. “I knew you could do it!” she exclaims. When she pulls away, she seems so moved, it looks like she’s about to cry. “You finally popped your Jake cherry,” she whispers, but it’s loud enough for Jake to hear. A bark of laughter escapes his throat.

“Okay, thanks, guys,” you say, escaping this awkward situation and going up the stairs. “I’ll see you later, Jake!” you yell over your shoulder. The girls seem to be on their way out, and you’re more than happy leaving him to deal with them on his own. God knows you’ll get the worst of it when they come back. 

As soon as you get to your flat, you make a beeline for your bedroom, plopping on the bed. You’re the same person, and this is the same room. But something within you feels entirely different, like a scar that you had been carrying around had, without you even noticing, healed so well you could barely see it anymore. You lifted your hands in the air, looked at the back of them, then at your palms. They were the same old hands that had been with you your whole life, and you were almost shocked that there wasn’t something utterly different about them after having held Jake’s hand for so long. Just to be sure, you sniffed your right hand, but it didn’t smell any different, either. But you still felt Jake’s hand on yours, like headphones you’d been wearing for hours and still felt on your ears after taking them off.

Yunjin and Chaewon are back from their shopping half-an-hour later; they got you a chocolate fudge cake from Tesco to congratulate you. “You guys are acting like this is my birthday…” you say, eyeing the cake greedily as Chaewon cuts it into three equal parts (even though it says serves eight on the packaging). 

“This is more important than your birthday, Y/N,” Yunjin states as she pours oat milk into three cups of Earl Grey tea. “This is, like, the moment of a lifetime.”

“Are you saying a girl’s importance depends on her having a boyfriend?”

“Yes, Y/N, that’s exactly what I’m saying. Especially when said boyfriend is the guy she’s been pining after for all of her teenage and adult life.”

You sigh. “Well, he hasn’t exactly popped the boyfriend and girlfriend question yet.” They both turn to look at you, an annoyed look on their faces. You stand up straight, uncomfortable under their gazes. “What?”

“Usually, I’m all for clarity on this issue,” Chaewon starts. “But isn’t it pretty obvious here?”

“You’re still gonna have to tell us everything in minute detail, but Jake’s already told us what happened. He had no qualms referring to you as his girlfriend, so I really don’t think this is something you need to worry about. What you should worry about is when and where you’re going to hop on that dick.”

Chaewon bursts into laughter, and you can’t help but follow suit. “Gosh, Yunjin, you really do have a way with words.”

“I know. This is what having a Jane Austen hyperfixation at fifteen will do to you.”

Following Yunjin’s orders, you tell them about the events of the previous day and this morning over tea and cake. They ooh and ah and gasp in all the right places, ask you very specific questions and even make you draw a picture of the room you stayed in. You’ve talked to them about Jake so many times that there’s only so much to say now - but still, you talk for hours on end, deviating off-topic so often you end up talking about something else entirely. 

You’re in bed reading for your Middle English Literature class when the doorbell rings. It’s seven on the dot, so it can be no one else other than Jake. It’s been mere hours, but you’ve missed him enough to last you for weeks. 

He brought takeaway from the Indian place you’d raved about a hundred times but hadn’t brought him to yet. Somehow, your heart grows even fonder as you watch his reaction to the food, the raise of his eyebrows, the widening of his eyes, the excited shimmy of his shoulders. When you ask him about his afternoon, a wide smile breaks out onto his face, like a lightbulb illuminating a room. Without a word, he scurries to your room, bringing back some sort of book with him. He hands it to you  with a shy smile and curious eyes, eagerly anticipating your reaction. The cover reads Y/N and Jake in his clumsy but endearing handwriting, with the date of his arrival in Edinburgh and an em-dash scribbled underneath. “I haven’t booked my flight home yet, so I’ll add the second date later,” he explains. 

When you flick through it, you’re met with photographs of you and Jake on all of the trips you’ve done so far, as well as the various adventures you got up to in the city. There’s even one of you sleeping in the library at two am during midterms when you had forgotten about one of your essays, due at midday. Jake had come with coffee and words of encouragement, and now he could brag that the high mark you got was thanks to him. It’s not only photos - it’s also ticket stubs, receipts, stickers, and even a dried flower you had found pretty on your trip to St. Andrews. He’s also written quite a lot, from diary-like entries about what you got up to that day or songs that reminded him of you. 

“You misspelt right here,” you say, pointing to a sentence that reads This is the café write next to the hotel where the last Harry Potter book is said to have been written!!! under a photo of you drinking a massive cup of hot chocolate. The more you look at the typo, the more it makes you laugh, until you have tears brimming in your eyes.

Thanks to Yunjin’s messiness, pens and pencils are strewn over your coffee table. Jake, flushed red in embarrassment at the small mistake, snatches a pencil and aggressively erases write, spelling it correctly the second time around. “This is the level of today’s English Lit undergrads,” he murmurs under his breath. His frown disappears when he looks at you and he laughs along.

You continue looking through the album until you land on a page titled Why I love Y/N. From top to bottom, left to right, it’s filled with Jake’s tiny handwriting. You can tell he put effort into making it neat. There’s a singular photograph of you, one that dates from the first days after Jake’s arrival when you were walking around in the Meadows, the park right next to campus. The sun shone down on you and you smiled brightly at Jake behind the camera.  

You’re not a quarter through reading when tears swell in your eyes, rendering your vision blurry. You wipe them away before they can fall and stain the page. Jake has detailed every last thing he loves about you. It can hardly get cornier than this, but the fact that he wrote this about you makes your heart so full, you’re afraid it might explode in your chest. It ranges from basic things like the way she makes me laugh or her pretty face when she falls asleep in the train (or anywhere, for that matter) to more you-specific things like the strict pastel colour-coding she uses for her notes and her perseverance when eating spicy food even though she can’t take it. He mentions things about you that you didn’t even know, and that feeling of being known in-and-out, of being really seen by someone else only brings more tears to your eyes. Your favourite line comes at the end - the way she makes any place feel like home. A proper sob pushes past your lips at this, and Jake, who had been watching you with an anxious smile, rests a palm on your knee and inches closer to you.

“Why are you crying, is- Did I write something bad?”

You shake your head fervently. “No, no, Jakey, this is… It’s perfect. I’m just…” you trail, letting out a half-sob, half-chuckle. You look at him with a smile before pulling him into a tight hug. “I love it so much. I love you so much.”

You can feel Jake relax against you. “I love you too, baby. I’m glad you like it.”

You pull away after a small while, and turn the next page over. It’s a picture of you over breakfast this morning, with words WE’RE DATING!!!! written underneath it, and those simple words make you so happy, your cheeks ache from smiling. But every page after that is empty. Jake scratches the back of his neck. “I, um, I thought we could fill the rest out together. I debated just doing it myself and giving it to you at the end of the year, but I thought it’d be more fun doing it together.”

“It would. This is such an amazing idea,” you say, flicking back through the pages.

“I thought of it because of that project I had. When I started working on it, all the photos I wanted to include were of you, but I wasn’t sure how much my professor would appreciate that… So I decided to make one more personal. One for us,” he says shyly, shrugging like it’s no big deal.

“Thank you so much, Jakey.”

He smiles. “It’s no worries.”

“Did you do it all this afternoon?”

“I had started it before, but I added it most of today, yeah. Which, by the way, awful timing. I wanted nothing more than to spend today with you.”

Your heart leaps. You’re not sure you’ll ever get used to hearing such words from Jake’s mouth.

Sometime later, you’re laying in bed with Jake between your legs, watching the most recent animated Spiderman movie. With the tips of your fingers, you draw random patterns on his forearm, and if it wasn’t for his occasional chuckles, you’d think he had fallen asleep. You chat for a bit after the movie, but you find that after such an emotionally-packed day, you’re ready to call it a night fairly early. But when the lights are off and it’s just you lying against Jake’s chest, his fingernails grazing your scalp and his familiar, comforting scent clouding your judgement, all thoughts of an early night are thrown out of the window.

You shouldn’t feel so nervous - you had fallen asleep in his arms last night, and it had gone well. Really well. 

“This is different from yesterday, isn’t it?” Jake suddenly says, breaking the heavy silence with a low voice. It’s like he read your mind.

“Yeah,” you whisper against his skin.

No other words are needed. You brush the tip of your nose along his neck until you reach his jawline, pressing soft kisses there and delighting in the increasing shakiness of his breath. The feeling of your lips meeting is so intense, so all-encompassing, that you don’t know if you’ll be able to handle anything more.

This is still new territory, but you’re both so eager to discover it that it makes for a messy kiss, lips moving against each other ravenously, tongues beckoning moans from the other. It’s a kiss that somehow leaves you breathless and breathes oxygen back into your lungs at once. 

In a matter of seconds, Jake has flipped you on your back and is hovering over you, one hand holding him up and one hand free to roam your body. He slips it underneath your t-shirt, brushes it along the side of your waist, his touch leaving behind a trail of fire blazing on your skin. It’s so distracting, you can’t even kiss him back properly anymore. Jake doesn’t seem to mind. At first, when he starts pressing hot kisses to your jawline and your neck, you think he’s giving you a respite - but when he gently sinks his teeth into the skin there, leaving marks that will later remind you tonight wasn’t a dream, chuckling as you squirm and whine under him, you understand that this is anything but a respite. 

You curse your earlier decision of not wearing a bra, because it gives you no preparation whatsoever to the sensation of Jake brushing his thumb against one of your nipples. With a loud gasp, your back arches off of the bed, which only aids Jake in raising your t-shirt up over your breasts. 

He takes a minute to admire the sight of you panting and half-naked underneath him. It makes you feel shy, and you want to do something so that he stops looking and starts doing, but his gaze holds you in place. His pupils are blown with lust, eyes raking over your body and taking everything in. You have a hard time wrapping your head around the fact that it’s you he’s looking at with those eyes. 

His soft lips attach themselves to your nipple while his fingers continue their work on the other one. You’ve never felt this sensitive, never felt this on edge, like you might fall apart at any second even with so little simulation. Your core throbs, impatiently waiting to be tended to, but you’re already trembling so hard from Jake’s attention to your breasts that you don’t know what will happen to you once he actually touches you down there.

“You doing okay, baby?” he asks, the rasp in his voice making you want him impossibly more. You grip his hair and he looks up at you, a tender smile on his lips. You nod your head yes and he laughs. “Yeah? You want more?” You pause at his question. You do want more, but is it worth your sanity?

It takes you a second to decide that it’s worth that and more. You nod again. 

Jake seems to have sensed your hesitation. He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I am. It’s just a lot.”

His expression of worry softens into a smile. “I’ll take it slow for you, love. It’s a lot for me, too.” He leans in to press soft kisses to your cheek, and some of the tension in your body diffuses. Whatever happens, Jake will be there to take care of you. “But it feels good, right?” he asks, lips moving against your ear, sending shivers down your spine.

“So good, Jakey,” you reply shakily.

“Good.”

You can tell that Jake really does want to take it slow - his movements are more deliberate, gentler. But eagerness, both yours and his, soon takes over, and a minute later, he’s trailing kisses down your body until he reaches your lower stomach. Your breath quickens as he hooks fingers underneath your leggings and underwear, sliding both garments down your legs and leaving you bare to him. You think the feeling of his lips on the fleshy parts of your inner thighs is what might actually do you in, make you lose your sense of reality forever - but then his tongue darts out against your clit, a barely-there touch, and your whole body flatlines. 

Your reaction eggs Jake on, who, more confident now, takes the sensitive bud in his lips and alternates between sucking and licking motions. A knot ties itself embarrassingly quickly in your stomach, a knot that tightens and tightens as Jake flattens his tongue against you, licking up your juices from your entrance to your clit; a knot that threatens to come loose when he slides a long finger inside of you. You can’t take more than thirty seconds of this.

“Jakey,” you say, voice practically a moan. Your brain is fuzzy and it takes a distressing amount of time to form a simple sentence. “Can you come here?”

“Is something wrong, baby?” he asks breathily, sliding his finger out of you and coming back up so that his face is right above yours. 

“No, just… I want you.”

Any trace of worry on Jake’s features dissipates as he cocks an eyebrow, one corner of his lips tugging up into a smirk. “Is that so?”

This kind of boldness would usually have you rolling your eyes, but here, it only makes your core throb more violently. It’s almost humiliating how much you want this man. It’s definitely humiliating, how easy it is to swallow your pride and play into his game. “Yes, please,” you say, eyes pleading with him.

He smiles almost giddily before burying his face against the side of yours. “My baby’s so polite,” he says, pressing a kiss to your cheek. “I’ll give you whatever you want.”

“Take this off, then,” you say, grabbing the bottom hem of his t-shirt. 

“So she says please and gives orders,” he jokes, quickly obliging anyway. 

Not once in your time apart had Jake posted any sort of beach trip or pool photos, so this was the first time you saw his bare chest. God, was it one for the history books. You trace the defined lines of his muscles with a finger and wonder how he had managed to get even more perfect. He lets you marvel at him for it, clearly proud that you’re gawking so shamelessly, but your mind drifts back to more urgent matters when he presses himself into you, his clothed cock, hard and hot, brushing against your folds. “Fuck,” you sigh, bucking your hips into his to feel him over and over again.

It’s so much, but it’s not enough; Jake instantly gets your message when you hook your fingers under the waistband of his boxers, pulling him to you and kissing him feverishly. Your lips don’t part as he slides his boxers off, and you drink up the nectar that are his moans as you take him in your hand, pumping him a few times.

“Condom?” he asks, but you shake your head.

“I’m on the pill. And even so… I usually always use a condom, but I don’t want to now. Not with you.”

Jake closes his eyes as he takes a deep, stabilising breath. “I feel totally normal about that. Not crazy at all.”

You giggle, and he opens his eyes, a wide smile gracing his lips before he bends down to kiss you. “You ready for the night of your life?” he asks against your lips. “It’s gonna last five minutes, tops,” he says, making you laugh again. “I’m sorry, baby, I can’t do anything about it. I think I could’ve cum just from eating you out.”

“That would’ve been hot.”

“Really? We’ll make it a challenge for next time, then.”

When Jake plunges into you, it’s unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. He fills you up, slow inch by slow inch, until he’s buried to the hilt inside you. You both need some time getting used to the feeling - Jake drops his head in the crook of your neck and lets out a sound between a grunt and a moan, something you’ve never heard from him before. You grab onto his shoulders, fingernails digging into his skin as you try to tether yourself to him. You hold him so tight that he has no choice but to let his body rest on top of yours, his arms coming to circle your waist and bring you even closer. 

His movements start out halting, the pleasure so overwhelming that it makes it hard for him to move steadily. In time, he falls into a torturously slow rhythm, but it’s the perfect kind of torture, the kind that has tears brimming in your eyes. It’s so hard to take, and yet you want more. You’re brought closer to the edge with every thrust of his dick into you, especially as he picks up the pace and lifts your hips to meet his. The new angle has his tip brushing against that spot deep inside you that makes it hard to breathe. 

You can tell he’s just as close as you when he loses that steady rhythm he had found, his motions growing more desperate, harsher, quicker. Conscious of your roommates, you slap a hand over your mouth to muffle your moans as your orgasm washes over you, your whole body on fire, so sensitive that the few more seconds Jake needs to come undone himself drive both your body and your mind into overstimulation. Even the feeling of him pulling out, drops of hot liquid dripping out of your entrance, is too much and makes you let out a small, tired whine. 

Jake peppers your face with kisses as he holds your waist tightly, brushing his thumb back-and-forth on your warm skin, sticky with sweat. “You did so well, baby. So good for me.” You think you might be ready for a second round if he keeps talking to you like that. “I love you so much.”

You sigh deeply, as if you were just told disconcerting news. “Okay.”

“Okay?!” he echoes, looking up at you with an outraged expression on his face.

“I’m sorry, I love you too, I just- I’m not used to this yet! You can’t just tell me you love and expect me to be normal. You have to warn me first.”

“Can I just warn you now that I’m going to tell you I love you every time I get the chance?”

You sigh. “I guess.” 

“Can I tell you now?” he asks, and you hum. “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

Jake tuts. “I highly doubt it, but whatever makes you happy.”

You hold Jake close to you, one arm around his shoulders and the other hand playing with his hair as you come down from your high. You think he might’ve fallen asleep, and you’re close to drifting off yourself when he speaks. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this. Not just the sex, although that has been on my mind for a while now,” he says, making you laugh, “but all of this. Being together, getting to be in your arms like this, kissing you whenever I want. Calling you my girlfriend.”

“Me too, Jakey. I waited so long I didn’t think it would ever happen.”

Jake chuckles. “How stupid were we not to have noticed we felt the same way?”

“Very stupid. I think we felt so sorry for ourselves that we were stuck in one-sided love, that we didn’t even realise the other was going through the exact same thing. But at least we’re now.”

“At least we’re here now.” You and Jake yawn at the exact same time, making you burst into giggles, giddy with sleep and love.

“Let’s sleep, baby,” you say.

Jake hums, burying himself deeper against your body. “Sleep well, my love. I’ll be here.”

--

After years of pining after each other, you and Jake find it a bit hard to keep your relationship to yourselves, or your hands off of each other.

At the beginning, all of your friends had been happy for you, but that quickly went away when your and Jake’s honeymoon phase never died down and the PDA just kept on going. If the glue you were stuck with previously was metaphorical, this one was pretty close to being real. Superglue kept you together, your moments together rarely spent without some sort of physical touch. Yunjin fake-gagged so often, you were afraid she might actually vomit one of these days. It took Sunghoon two weeks longer than everyone else to clock you and Jake had started dating.

This meant that in private, there was truly no holding back. Jake back-hugged you any chance he got, to the point you started to think he was more koala than human - although that’d imply he saw you as a tree. Make-out sessions were a particular favourite of yours - how could they not be when your boyfriend’s lips seemed to have been carved by God himself, soft and plump to the heavens, like they were made to be kissed. Really, you were just honouring God’s will when you kissed Jake.  

The goodbye that comes at the end of the year is not an easy one, and the month spent at home before you fly to Korea seems to never end. But you get there eventually, and as nice as it is to catch up with Jake’s parents after so long, you feign sleepiness after lunch as an excuse to get some time alone with your boyfriend. Ironically, this “time alone” is spent so intensely that you do end up falling asleep afterwards. 

You have to admit, you really did a number on your boyfriend this time - what can a girl do when she missed her boyfriend this much? Jake is still passed out when you wake up from your nap, so you slip out as discreetly as you can from his embrace and get out of bed. You head for the closet first and swipe the comfiest looking sweater of his that you find there so you can stay warm as you look around his room. A pang of melancholia hits your chest - most of the pictures and objects on his walls and shelves are parts of his life you weren’t around to witness. Friends you don’t recognize, places you’ve never heard of, phases you’d never known he’d gone through. But then you see the frame on his desk, a faded photo of the two of you at ten years of age, eating ice cream on the bench outside of your house. Milo is sitting at your feet. Jake’s family hadn’t adopted Layla yet. You realise that even if there’s whole parts of your life you didn’t get to share with each other, nothing could touch your memories, or your future.

You want to go back in time and tell fourteen-year-old you that no matter how painful it might seem at the moment, it will all be worth it for the sight of Jake Sim slowly drifting into wakefulness, patting the bed next to him, and noticing you’re missing with furrowed eyebrows. When he opens his eyes and they settle on you, a sleepy smile will grace his dazzling features, and he’ll say, “Come back to bed.”

You’ll be even more in love at twenty than at fourteen.

permanent taglist: @zreamy @sunghoonmybeloved @lalalalawon @sd211 @w3bqrl @raikea10 @wntrnghts @moonlighthoon @4imhry @rikisly @loves0ft @iamliacamila @theboingsuckerasseater9000 @chaechae-23 @baekhyuns-lipchain @hyuckslvr @vernonburger @amorbonbon @fluerz (ask to be removed/added!)

© asahicore on Tumblr, 2023. please do not repost, translate, or plagiarize my works. support your creators by reblogging and leaving feedback!

[cawcawbeech]

SIX OF CROWS AND KISSING !!

(Welcome to this silly but intricate guide nobody asked for)

Just so everybody knows and is fully aware, I literally never kissed anybody in my whole damn life. I dont much care to try (for now) unless your name is Amita fucking Suman (jkjk, or not), but that doesnt mean I didnt do some very extensive research on the topic just so I can write what are hopefully non-generic scenes where all of my favorite characters make out till the following sunrise without a single other thought plaguing their empty little minds (exception being if the said thought is used to deepen 'the plot').

Before I say much else, I would like to note that THIS is just a very detailed bullet point list on kissing for all of my boys and girls separate of their partners assigned to them in canon or by the fandom. We will get to how it would actually go in different scenarios with different ships a bit later on if I decide it wont be a waste of my time. PS: No, not every kiss / kisser has to be extraordinary or unique or have whatever traits I ended up slapping on these characters here, Im just extra like that. And its not like anybody can stop me. Deal with it and simply enjoy (whatever this may be)!

→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→

JESPER LLEWELLYN FAHEY

Jesper has had his fair share of practice in this particular field, we all know it. That is no reason to say that he is a perfect kisser, there are many who have done way more, constantly brag about it, and yet still leave you disappointed. But, this is Jesper we are talking about. Kuwei has said that he is a great kisser too, I choose to trust him on that. That joke he made to cheer up Wylan at Olendaal, the one about kissing Nina / Matthias 'with tongue', it doesnt have to mean anything, but I like to think he is a tongue kind of guy. I also like to think that he is adaptable to any type of person though, he aims to please through-and-through. It saddens me to look deeper, to think about how that may be a result of his low self-esteem, but in moments like these, it makes him happy most of the time, and it is all I could hope for when it comes to my boy.

The first relationship he had been a witness to, the one his mother and father shared before her death, had been a very healthy one. I wouldnt call Colm the perfect father, certainly not after his wife was gone, albeit he is significantly better compared to the hands the rest of our favourite characters have been dealth with, but he was good to Aditi. Most kids, including myself, were the type to be grossed out by PDA, especially when its between their parents, and while thats not in any way a bad thing, we can clearly see that Jesper was not of that type.

Despite his many faults, he was raised fairly well. He knows how to make a comfortable environment, to recognize a clear invitation, what to ask and what not to ask, what is acceptable and what he shouldnt do without a more in-depth discussion. He knows how to create and opportunity where one could deny him if they so wished. I wouldnt say its some overly high bar to jump over, if anything it is the most basic standard any and all should hold themselves to, but I call Jesper 'the consent king' for a reason.

Its said in the book that his mind empties when he kisses the right person, that thinking of methaphors clearly means something is wrong, but hes still pretty descriptive in his POVs if you ask me. Its also very clear that he likes to kiss deep, slow, and involve other sensations throughout which is the part where Id like to include some of my very own hcs (slight temperature / texture play where he drags his rings over skin, hair pulling is a given but I can see him also liking to touch peoples ears a lot, talking in between and whispering during the few subtly initiated pauses, etc). Jespers favourite type of kiss would probably be those he iniciates as soon as he wakes up in the morning. It rains often in Ketterdam, its normal, so he would also probably be one of the rare creatures among the regular Kerch citizens who finds kissing in the rain romantic.

KAZ BREKKER (RIETVELD)

Kaz will have to go through some major healing first, no doubts about that, but Id say he would probably be one of the elite members of the 'Im keeping my eyes open for this' club (until he isnt). I doubt he does much analyzing during, mentally he is on another planet thats probably many lightyears away as he tends to do with a lot of other even remotely intimate things, but theres lots of squinting, eyelid fluttering... Kaz is basically a personafication of that cliche 'when did I close them' quote. In my own experience, I can barely hold eye contact when talking, but I dont really see this as a bad trait. I also dont see it as a trauma response either like some would assume it would be for Kaz, I think its just a him thing. If this man didnt want to kiss somebody, you would not be kissing him, end of.

He likes to focus on teeth, whether by unconsciously (or consciously) biting his partner, having your teeth bump into each other, or licking his own after youre done. Theres lots of shuddering, youll feel him there more than youll hear him, but he is not completely silent either. I dont think he would like beeing cornered, picked up or lifted in any way except on very rare occasions. Just like the pulse thing where he feels for it on the wrist (or neck once he is more comfortable), feeling his weight including the pain of his leg serves to ground him. Perhaps he might also like feeling of you breathing through your nose on his face for the same reasons? He doesnt like leaving things unfinished, even if its just a peck, he will make sure it feels 'complete', I dont know how else to put it. If anybody could overuse the words "Again?", it would be Kaz motherfucking Brekker.

Im in no way saying he will be good, in fact, theres lots of traits here that many wouldnt like, but he tries when he wants to (and again, you would not be kissing this man if he didnt want it), he will learn and he will remember the smallest of details (so that he can ponder over them later). The only thing we hear about Kazs appearance related to his mouth is that there is a scar running through his upper lip. I never got it when people talked about kisses having a taste, but Kaz seems to often call people light-weight, so clearly, he handles his alcohol well, perhaps having developed such a habit to settle down his own supposedly non-existent nerves. It might not be the main reason, we heard about him being on the receiving end of many fights that in certain circumstances and with the ways they are handled lead to similar results, but liquor does leave one dehydrated and with chapped lips.

WYLAN VAN ECK (HENDRIKS)

Unless he is particulary fired up, Wylan likes to start slow and chaste no matter if you are the first, the thousanth person he has kissed or just a person he has kissed a thousand times. Unlike Kaz, he has some experience, sheltered kids know how to have fun in secret (and Im the last person who would ignore that 'lie' about him being kicked out for bedding the tutor, theres some truth to everything), but he is also nowhere near the level of Jesper or Nina or Matthias. We know he likes when his partner feels calm and like they are actually in their body before he goes in for the kill, we saw it with Jesper, but we also see that he isnt the type who needs to ask every time and will just do it when 'the time feels right'. Look out, he just might squeeze into your shirt while youre wearing it and do a makeshift 'surprise attack' from there if he is determined enough for it.

From that, we could say he might have some other habits, including but not limited to the familiar one of guiding his partner through breathing patterns. Maybe sometimes he likes to hold onto your forearms more tightly than necessary (not forcefully though), have your knees touch and bump into one another, straighten his own / your items of clothing, compare hand sizes while making weirdly-intense eye contact, use his thumb to subtly rub at a random tensed muscle, touch foreheads if he is tall enough or rub his face along the side of your neck, anything that would focus your attention to him and the moment... Ironically, as a follow up to the last point and as the kiss drags on, he forgets that he is an actual person who has a weight to them and has to lean back against something with the help of his partner before he falls down and cracks his goddamn skull open.

He likes to leave an effect on whoever he is kissing, but he also likes to 'clean up after himself' as much as possible after its done, which once again serves to bring both of you back down. So yeah, he would probably do something like twirling a stay peace of hair around his finger before neatly tucking it back in place, running that same finger across a brow, down the nose or along the jawline, nudging you playfully with his shoulder, hips or elbows, swaying a bit to slowly return the atmosphere back to relaxed as he secretely links your pinky fingers together. Lips would be his main focus, and he especially likes the soothing effect it has when he is sleepy, but he could also grow to like eyelid, nose, tummy or thigh kisses when it comes to placement.

INEJ GHAFA

Inej has had many men kiss her throughout her life, and unfortunately, theres no need to debate whether she truly enjoyed any of them. Oh how I would love to say that every shitty person is also shit at every other skill they try to master, however, that doesnt have to be the case. The fact that she was a brothel girl doesnt have to mean all of her kisses were bad (to specify, that refers to the technique). That being said, I think she would appreciate the message more than the way its done. It also might result in her not exactly caring about the placement of a kiss, palm, knuckles, hair, cheek, neck, lips, any of them would be equally as intimate to her, platonic or otherwise. Its somewhat similar to what Wylan also likes, but very different too once you look further.

As is with Kaz, you would not be kissing the Inej we know now unless she didnt want you to. I probably should have said this earlier, no, I dont mean that any of the other Crows would enjoy a kiss that was not what they wanted, they wouldnt ignore the signs and will fight the person off if needed, but I hope you understand why Im emphasizing it for these two in particular. I think her kisses would be short, but sweet, a petite little package that can deliver a punch under a right set of conditions, just like she can, the same going for her ship. Physically, we know her lips have an upturn to their shape. As is true with alcohol, salt water has the same drying effect that is only made worse by licking.

One other feature that might make Inejs kisses unique is a possibility of her aquiring more jewellery during her travels. I always imagined that the Suli find piercings to be very meaningful. Perhaps she had some since a very young age, perhaps they were taken from her too during her time at the Menagerie, maybe the holes closed naturally over the long months, maybe she got more whilst working for Kaz, and although it was not put there for such a reason, a lip ring (just as an example) has quite a pleasing effect for either side.

She holds a special appreciation for people who remember their first kiss, or at least remember their first kiss with her, a courtesy she will offer in return as well. It takes special kind of brave to get close (she knows better than most) and never lets the feat of overcoming fear go unappreciated. For some reason, I can see her counting the seconds, not for any reason at all. I wouldnt say its something particulary good nor bad, but Inej doesnt give me the 'let me kiss your words away' signals no matter the situation. The phrases that would fit more would be "We will get through this", "Stay strong, for you", "Lets face it together" or "We shall see each other once more". She seems like the type to keep her affairs secret, but at the end of the day, I also dont think she would mind PDA all that much.

KUWEI YUL-BO

I know the fandom likes to joke that Kuwei is the bad kisser between the two, seeing as to how Jesper was left 'disappointed' even before knowing the truth behind who he was actually kissing... But I dont think that had to do much with the kiss itself. We were told that Jesper liked Kuweis body plenty enough, but even if it were really Wylan (both in shape and spirit), Jesper wasnt in the right space, and Kuweis silence and mannerisms didnt do much to help.

Now, this is a personal headcanon, but one of the habits I think he might pick up in the Little Palace would be scratching his nose or covering his mouth before he goes in for a kiss. Or well, I like to imagine that being his tell among all the snarky comebacks, vicious flirting and sly glances. And seeing as to how playful he is with his powers and how much he grows to use them for mischief and otherwise in KOS, I like to think that his face is always warm to the touch as Kuwei himself is constantly touching it. Random instert, this man unironically likes lemons and you will without a doubt taste quite an assortment of teas while with him.

Some people care about the emotional setting, some like keeping it casual, and some like having that perfect mix of both. Kuwei might acknowledge that in different ways and act accordingly, but I also think he might care more about the physical setting and connect good actions with places rather than specific people or mutual feelings. This man is a certified tease, unless you pull him towards you which is exactly what he wants, he is 100%, absolutely ready to keep a partner on the edge of their seat, kiss the corner of their mouth, or maybe with the lips barely touching. Instead of licking his own lips out of habit or to seduce, he would lick yours. Kuwei being a tease might also be a way for him to set up walls? In a sense that hes reminding both himself and the person hes kissing that this is just a kiss and it doesnt mean anything. And when hes kissed by someone he loves and trusts, hes downright pathetic, super soft and annoyingly sweet about it.

I dont know where else to put it so it will have to be here, but I like to think he chewed on his lips a lot as a child and whilst in captivity, leaving him with barely visible indents once he reached adulthood. When it comes to the type, Id say he could end up enjoying goodnight kisses next to the fireplace or lit by the flame in his own hand more than he would like doing anything in the early morning. Kuwei tends to get frustrated and bored easily so that might lead to certain effects as well, more specifically the speed, angle and desperation. He has hid for long enough and doesnt much care about who sees what, only whether they got a nice view from wherever they were standing at the time.

NINA ZENIK

Nina has practiced CPR from a very young age (I wouldnt call any of those a true kiss by any means, but it will make slightly more sense in just a moment), we see her perform one on Kaz in the books without hesitation, so I doubt her first 'kiss' was particularly enjoyable or wholly consentual or that she even remembers it. Perhaps from that, her kisses would grow to be particulary breathy in the future, although that doesnt mean its some kind of rule or that its not just a result of her personality being put into how she goes about it. We already know temple kisses are her thing among some other stuff, but she also doesnt seem to have a similar kind of bond with any other type that is not at neck level or above. Shes fine with them, but always seems to go to certain spots herself when she has a choice, singing and laughing through all of it. As Matthias tends to say a lot, the chase is a game to her, whether on top or beneath, she still wins.

Her skin is said to be soft, and supposedly so are her lips, plus the girl is a Heartrender and that surely results in many privileges. Surprisingly enough, I wouldnt say she is particularly experienced in the world of romance, even if her talent at sweet-talking might suggest otherwise. Perhaps shes had flings, one or two, maybe even a relationship at some point, but I dont see much more in my visions of her backstory. "Dont you want to play with me?" and "Cant you handle it?" are some of the repeating phrases in her vocabulary, but oh, it only gets worse once she feels well and truly romanced, swept off her feet as one might say, and that takes lots of effort. Its a good thing we know Nina has some high expectations, that way all of us can be her personal wingmen.

If anybody could obtain the famous movie achievement of leaving a string of saliva to connect her lips with her partners for just a few more moments, it would be Nina. Speaking of such things, she may also be the only one for who the 'let me kiss you against this wall so that they dont spot us' scenario might actually work (in theory), or at least give her enough time to incapacitate them during their confusion since she tends to be quite loud appearance wise. Likes being attended to and coddled, and no kiss has a chance without a firm grab or two. Will die if you do a tango dip with her in your arms. She is one of the biggest fans of mistletoes and finds it extremely romantic. Sometimes, when she is invited to watch a play or show, she will turn around and kiss her partner whenever the actors do. "Consider me madly in love. With the kisses, not you. ... But maybe also you if you did it again."

MATTHIAS BENEDIK HELVAR

And finally, we have our romantic-at-heart of the group, Matthias. Now, his and Ninas romance is the most obvious and out-in-the-open throughout the whole duology, and frankly he is the one I had the most trouble with writing, but the difference between seeing their first kiss from Ninas perspective and the one of Matthias is that theirs was his first kiss ever. All of his actions leading up to it, as well as those after, are a promise in some way or another, and Im not only talking about his vow to her. Nothing could have prepared me for when he lifted Nina straight off her feet and held her there as he kissed her, yet it was also the most in-character thing he ever could have done.

Matthias will absolutely, every time, start an hour long conversation on what led him to this moment, if it is the right time, the right place, the right everything... He will continue up until he himself is basically internally shouting at his own mouth to shut itself (he has very low patience despite everything mentioned above) or his partner takes the initiative themselves. The second option is prefered by both parties and a 5-star whine is the expected plus-one to excellent service. He is the type to gulp when you get too close. Will go mad if you can tell when he is holding on by a thread despite his lack of many facial expressions, especially if told something along the lines of "Just lose control, love".

He is particularly sensitive for textures. All humans are to some extent, the lips have more nerve endings in them than fingertips, but Matthias is the one who is fullfilled by it the most and frequently says stuff related to it like "Are you wearing chapstick?" or "I can feel the dip of your scar". Often acknowledges indirect kisses. Matthias has once said that kissing isnt about romance, that it should be proper and only done as a follow up to a conventional Fjerdan courtship, and while lots about him has changed during his canonical relationship with Nina, I think he might still enjoy going through at least some of these with somebody who might appreciate his efforts. Matthias is still highly religious even if he is now seeing the world from another perspective and there are some cultural things that for him go deeper than just tradition. In a very specific headcanon of mine, he has grown up fantasizing about having to lift up your chin to do it, and so now he does so even with taller partners who can reach his mouth just fine.

He would 100% take the 'Will you love me if I was a worm' jokes way too seriously. "How am I supposed to handle a worm? I could hold a butterfly, maybe kiss you if you were a wolf (but thats after a very extensive inspection of your molars)". Kisses the back of your neck after putting on a necklace. Pretends that lipstick stains dont turn him on to the highest setting.

→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→→

[natade-art]

Hey do you have any tips when it comes to amv's? I'm a big fan of your stuff so i'd love to hear any suggestions you might have! also if you have any tips on software as well

hmm well i guess first of all re: software i don't have any particular suggestions because ill be honest i use a cracked version of some like $300 program and tbh its not worth it i just don't want to change my ways LOL it freezes and crashes a looot and the autosave is only sort of helpful. i used imovie on my phone before that and i figure thats probably totally acceptable. i don't do any really fancy transitions or anything else, so.

Otherwise ummmm well this is advice i myself am bad at consistently following but its nice to follow the beat of the song in a clear pattern, like following the pattern and tempo of the music itself. sometimes the instrumentals overpower the lyrics in controlling the flow of the song, sometimes its the other way around, so i usually like to go with whichever element seems most dominant. like my jjba name of love amv i followed the example of the amv with the same song which inspired me and went almost completely off the sounds in the music because it has some pretty prominent ones which guide the pace a lot more than the vocals do. but in my kh against me amv i MOSTLY followed the vocals. if that makes sense. and i think it depends on how u think about the song. like i dont remember an inch of my elementary school music class and cant really focus on instrumentals AND vocals at once so i struggle with that part.

most of all im just fucking around and doing what feels right per song and source material lol. id be cautious with transitions esp like the zoom type because they make ME motion sick. but thats just me. umm personally i try to be conservative with using sounds from the show/game/whatever in the amv like i like this jjba amv but this person looooves using sound effects and dialogue from the show and this ones pushing the line for me. i developed a lot of strong opinions in what i like or dislike in an amv from spending too long watching too many one piece amvs so i go a lot off personal taste. i prefer revolutionary girl utena bet on it and mortal kombat theme amvs to like 100 one piece everybody wants to rule the world or imagine dragons trying to be really cool and dramatic and actiony amvs myself even though i am not immune to well done actiony amvs either. most of all i think u just need a vision and to go for it! hope this helps :]

[akemiai]

drdt hidden quotes explained

all of the following quotes can be found by going to the individual character pages, doing inspect element, and scrolling through the elements.

ace markey: i don’t know what to do with myself anymore. arei nageishi: because thats what friends do. arturo giles: you hated them, but even that doesn’t justify what you did.

charles cuevas: if you forgot it, then it probably wasn’t important to begin with. none of those memories should ever be kept anyway.

david chiem: i hate you, i hate you, i hate you. i wish you would just die.

eden tobisa: you can’t go back, no matter how hard you try.

hu jing: i want to pay for what i’ve done, but even then, i still want to live. levi fontana: i always believed that a person is defined by their actions alone. but maybe that’s just a poor excuse for my heartlessness.

min jeung: i wanted to save you. monotv: her name is mai akasaki.

nico hakobyan: why should i own up for the mistakes someone else made?

rose lacroix: in the end, the only thing i can do is watch my wretched life go on.

teruko tawaki: it is an equal failing to trust everybody, and to trust no one at all.

veronika grebenshchikova: once something has been broken, it can never be pieced together in quite the same way again. the same goes for people.

whit young: we tend to idolize the dead.

xander matthews:  survivor guilt(n): feelings of guilt for having survived a catastrophe in which others died

typing in https://danganronpadespairtime.tumblr.com/maiakasaki into your search bar leads to the following page: “All you have to do is ask for my hand, and I’ll give it to you.

Ask for my life, and I’ll give it to you as well.

Don’t apologize for asking. I’ll give you my forgiveness too.”

further inspection of the elements shows the following message.

“Are you still searching for a secret? For some explanation that will satisfy you? There’s no answer I can give you that will make you happy. Maybe I should have lied instead. I’m sorry.”

typing in https://danganronpadespairtime.tumblr.com/AOAVIEPKRO into a search bar leads you to mai akasakis official character page. everytime you refresh the page you get a new quote. but each quote is attached to a name in the code. the quotes are as follows.

teruko tawaki: some years ago, she was searching for someone named ‘teruko tawaki.’

charles cuevas: a girl who loves her family.

rose lacroix: she remembers everything that is important to others.

arturo giles: a girl who sees the beauty in everyone.

levi fontana: a girl with a floral tattoo on her arm.

whit young: a girl with many friends.

eden tobisa: who kept calling the number, even though no one picked it up.

j(ulia) moreno: she kept it a secret, and told no one.

hu jing: a girl who wanted to keep everyone safe.

nico hakobyan: everyone confided in her.

ace markey: a girl who had a bright future.

arei nageishi: she doesn’t like it when her friends fight.

min jeung: an average girl with nothing special at all about her.

xander matthews: she couldn’t stand to do nothing.

veronika grebenshchikova : a girl who didn’t foresee the consequences.

david chiem: she forgives everyone.

monotv: it’s all your fault.

[raveneira]

HII!! Thanks for answering and trying to bring the fandom back! Can't wait to see what everyone will write (or draw) for KawaSara week, i'm sure it'll be great content^^. I can see why would they lose faith but that could never be me, conflict doesn't scare me lol!! Omg that "healthy" vs "toxic" thing is so annoying like idc lmfao, the worst part is i ship SasuSaku and KawaSara and both get hate for that and mind you most of the time it's people that ships toxic stuff too but draws the line at other ships🤦🏻‍♀️. The "healthy" ships fan are ironically the most toxic people i saw. I literally saw them on twitter harassing that KawaSara week page and one of them even posted the pic of OP blocking them & laughed with their friend, the obsession BS fans have with KS fans is astonishing. All of this over a mid ship that isn't even canon. That "you don't care about her feelings" coming from them is ironic, they literally ignore her saying that she does NOT like Boruto lmfao. They literally discredit and undermine SasuSakus moments, a CANON couple, of course they wouldn't lose the chance to do that with a fanon ship (for now), SS&KS have one thing in common and it's the haters, they are literally the same people. Not only they're insecure with KS but BoruSumi too, that's exactly why they ship Kaw*Sum* to get them BOTH out of the way. (I'll be a good person so no shade towards SH/SNS fans XD). Idk but their hate is so weird, also the way they treat Boruto & Sarada is so weird, it's all about that Uzu*aki x Uchiha stuff and that's sooo creepy. Exactly they don't care about them (or just Sarada), it's either for "op babies" or because they previous ships flopped (Nar*Sak* or Nar*Sas*). Them saying to KawaSara fans they don't want a SS 2.0 (they don't even have a lot of things in common, just a few) but than comparing BS not only to SS (free ss😭) but every other ship in Naruto is beyond hypocritical. They get away with everything and it's SO annoying. Literally just saw them calling other haters/jealous lmfao, they're so easy to predict. Also you forgot to add how much they love to call everyone else delusional as if their ship is canon, like girlie none of them is canon, so for now everybody is delusional lol. WHEN YOU POINT THIS OUT THEY DENY IT LIKE??? She literally revolves around him and ignores her own parents (that she separated) like hellooo?? Her idol, ChoCho her best friend?? Like come on guys. It's all about him, nothing about her and that's another thing that i dislike about them. I'm praying that Kawakis development will be good and that we'll see more deep/interesting conversations between him and Sarada. They should block, silence and report them and enjoy KawaSara week in peace, i hope that they won't let BS fans stop them from enjoying it!! Sorry i wrote a lot too lmfaoo.

I literally saw them on twitter harassing that KawaSara week page and one of them even posted the pic of OP blocking them & laughed with their friend,

Really? Im not surprised lol these ppl are very devoted stalkers, no matter how many of them I block, theres always someone who slips through the cracks and watches from the shadows until they finally reveal themselves, and also go reporting to their leader what I be sayin or doin for them to send their minions after me or play victim lol I literally put it to the test because I was suspicious that that was the case, so I showed several screenshots of something they said I was lying about proving it wasn't a lie, but I purposefully didnt censor the names to see if they would go running to snitch to them and thats exactly what they did, not even a few minutes passed between them responding to me and the person in the screenshot talking about me.

The kicker? I have that acc BLOCKED and have had it blocked for years, so for them to of seen it, somebody HAD to report to her what I said, so my suspicion was proven true, there ARE minions stalking me from the shadows and reporting to whatever leader with a big following they follow lol not only that, but they TOLD her that I be stalking HER and even make posts about her ON MY TUMBLR so Im not only stalked on twitter, but on tumblr as well, which btw is a flat out lie because I dont care enough about anybody THAT MUCH to stalk them

I have mutuals who will show me some of the dumb takes she makes occassionally, but they do that with any acc that makes dumb takes, all gcs do, I dont go looking for it because I dont care enough to, but I guess because I occasionally made comment about the dumb shit she says, one of her minions went and made me out to be a stalker over it, despite them literally stalking me to even find that out lol Its sad honestly, bein that obsessed with a ship and its fandom to that extent.

Not to make myself seem important [their the ones who do that with their actions] but I think these ppl hate me so much because they cant rattle me lol they cant stand that they cant get to me, that they cant scare me off, that they cant intimidate me with their 'lol ksa is dead, bsa is canon, accept it, she blushed, they hugged, they clearly love eachother, I know your mad, I know it bothers you, you should just give up, you've lost, just accept bsa is canon and give up on ksa, it'll never happen' ramblings but everytime they throw one of those at me Im never bothered, I always come back at them unbothered and just stating the facts lol its not canon, its not even semi canon, theres still zero confirmation of romantic feelings on either side, any implication you claim there is is just your personal interpretations of what they mean, not what they are canonically confirmed to be, Sarada has denied having romantic feelings clearly and firmly multiple times and has remained consistent on that so Im not giving up or accepting anything that isnt confirmed yet just because of how YOU interpret their relationship and interactions thus far, talk to me when you have confirmation like BoruSumi has, till then your in line waiting with the rest of us lol they never bounce back from that

I know it kills them inside that no matter how much their fed they still dont have confirmation from either side yet while BoruSumi does, it eats them alive that Sarada, the main female, the one they claim is closest to him and so obviously loves him so much, has yet to be confirmed to be inlove with him and everytime shes asked she denies it and is uncomfortable, they were overjoyed when Mitsuki asked her and she avoided his question so they could be like 'See? Mitsuki knows she likes him, he said she doesnt know how she truly feels yet, its confirmed' yet that didnt go how they wanted because unlike they hoped, ppl actually paid attention to what was said and it wasnt anything like they tried to make it out to be.

Mitsuki was talking about himself and being unsure of HIS true feelings, his question to Sarada was him trying to figure his own feelings out through Sarada, but when she avoided the question, Mitsuki backed off seeing she was uncomfortable and said that it didnt matter, they tried to deny this for the longest and insisted it was about Sarada until chapter 7 of TBV released and proved our statement EXACTLY right, that it WAS Mitsuki being confused about his feelings for Boruto and trying to make sense of them so their one little sliver of confirmation they thought they had went out the window and now their back in limbo with the rest of us waiting for confirmation.

So no matter how confident they try to act, their scared to death that their still not confirmed without a doubt to be semi canon yet, because even tho it doesnt automatically mean their endgame, it DOES give them a higher possibility to be if they are, which is why they fear Sumire being so involved because you could ignore Hinata majority of the time because she wasnt around Naruto or involved with his plot that much, but you cant ignore Sumire because she IS, and THATS what scares them.

Even so they seem to still harbor a greater hatred for KawaSara than they do BoruSumi despite them not even being semi canon, which is crazy to me because I dont even think they realize how insecure they look for doing so lol if your more threatened by a not even semi canon ship, maybe your ship aint doin as well as you act like it is cuz trust and believe if your ship had nothin to worry about then you wouldnt be bothered, so if your bothered that means you see something to be threatened by.

That "you don't care about her feelings" coming from them is ironic, they literally ignore her saying that she does NOT like Boruto lmfao.

That one really is rich coming from them, they care about her feelings but their the ones who insist she doesnt know or understand her own feelings even when shes outright saying what she feels

"Does it bother you that other girls might like Boruto?" "Huh? seriously? of course not"

^^^^ This statement is totally ignored, instead they focus on her being shocked at Sumire confessing she likes him as implying shes jealous, even when her character profile also said Sarada was shocked at Sumire's bold statement, they still said it was jealousy, not caring about what she SAID is her feelings, they decided she doesnt know how she feels but they do.

"So you do like Boruto?" "What!? where the heck did that come from!?" "So you dont?" "Im saying whether I do or dont has nothing to do with this!"

^^^^ Another statement they ignore that debunks one of their main arguements that her wanting to help, support, protect etc Boruto is because she loves him romantically, this statement debunks that entirely because she says those exact feelings have NOTHING to do with whether or not she likes him, those are just her genuine feelings for her friend and teammate thats struggling and shes feeling frustrated being unable to help him like she wishes she could.

Its honestly ironic the lack of self awareness ppl have, to accuse others of lacking reading comprehension, while also blatantly lacking it themselves that they cant even comprehend something as simple as this.

But again, they ignore how SHE says she feels and instead THEY decide how shes feeling, because to THEM yea she says that but she doesnt mean it, she actually does love him but she just hasnt realized she does yet cuz shes tsundere [even tho she isnt] because to them THEY know her better than herself, THEY decide how she really feels not Sarada herself, because anything she says that doesnt fit their narrative oh well shes just confused but WE [they] know what she really means so just take their words for it because unlike us who cant 'read between the lines' they actually understand her character and respect how she feels.

Yeah, because nothing says respecting someones feelings like ignoring everything they say they feel and trying to make them feel how you want them to feel.

The only time its ok to insist someone doesnt know how they feel, is when their actually shown not knowing how they feel, not them saying outright what they feel firmly without hesitation.

So the fact that they try to dictate and determine what Sarada feels over what Sarada herself says she feels is nothing short of them not caring about her feelings, because they dont care that she doesnt like Boruto, they are going to MAKE her like him whether thats how she really feels or not. So anytime somebody hits you with that 'if your a real Sarada fan you would accept her feelings even if you dont like them' know their full of shit because when they dont like it they dont accept it either, they just want YOU to respect what THEY say her feelings are, nothing else.

Not only they're insecure with KS but BoruSumi too, that's exactly why they ship KawSum to get them BOTH out of the way.

Its funny because they used the same talking points too that they used for SK lol 'she understands him, they have a similar past, he has a soft spot for her' same bs different ship, but they say KawaSara is SH/SK lol better look again.

Idk but their hate is so weird, also the way they treat Boruto & Sarada is so weird, it's all about that Uzu*aki x Uchiha stuff and that's sooo creepy.

The sad part is this isnt even a theory or antis makin stuff up on them, heres a compilation, straight from the horses mouth, that THIS is their main objective and appeal of the ship.

It is genuinely weird as hell how obsessed these ppl are with these kids genes, but it makes sense when you consider how they treat Sarada, their just a little TOO protective of her ya know? like she just HAS to be with Boruto no matter what, she CANT be with anyone else but him or it'll just be terrible for her and the story etc.

Exactly how would it be terrible for her tho? whats wrong with Mitsuki? lack of development? so what? Chokarui exists.

Whats wrong with Kawaki? cuz he tried to kill her? cuz hes mean? cuz he hurt the MC? SasuSaku says hi so whats the problem? oh well KawaSara isnt like SS because Sakura actually liked Sasuke since the beginning and they had development, well so did KawaSara, even if Sarada doesnt like Kawaki like Sakura did from the beginning, so what? she doesnt have to for them to still be similar to them, and the irony is she doesnt like Boruto either, so shouldnt the same logic apply to them? its all bs.

Their main goal and objective is seeing what an Uchiha/Uzumaki/Hyuuga baby would be like because their convinced their children will be gods, even if they try to pretend they ship them cuz of love, development, mutual respect [there isnt] and the energy they put into eachother [its one sided, Sarada gives way more than she receives] its really all about their genes, the same reason they desperately wanted Sasuke with Karin, but with BoruSara even more now because thats THREE op clan genes their children will have, Uchiha, Uzumaki, AND Hyuuga.

They dont give af about their bond, their feelings, or their characters, they care about how powerful their child is gonna be, and that is truly disgusting.

The fact that they have the nerve to talk about other ships being disgusting, when their ships main objective is what kinda OP baby Sarada pops out for Boruto, is nothing short of hypocritical. Eugenics should never be the main basis for a ship, period, its just weird, and the fact that it has been a topic of discussion SINCE THEIR INTRODUCTION and they were both around 6-7 is downright weird and sickening.

If Boruto did not have Uzumaki and Hyuuga dna, BoruSara would not be half as popular as it is now, the appeal of how strong their kid would be is the main reason this ship has as many supporters as it has, NOT how great the actual ship as a whole is.

Think about it, what other ship do you see have THAT MANY comments about wanting them together to see how powerful their child is? you cant name one, because unlike them, OTHER SHIP FANDOMS ACTUALLY LIKE THEIR SHIPS FOR THEIR DYNAMIC/RELATIONSHIP/BOND not how powerful their kid is gonna be, their kids are an after thought, not they primary one and main reason they want it endgame.

Obviously shippers imagine their ships endgame and family life, but there's a big difference between just coming up with fanon kids/enjoying family content, and straight up eugenics where the only appeal is how OP their children are gonna be and what crazy new jutsus etc their gonna have

So when these hypocrites try and act superior like their the healthy ones and everyone else is toxic I have to laugh because their fandom is the only one this obsessed with eugenics, every other fandom just likes the ships dynamic and relationship and bond, their kids are a fun afterthought not a primary focus, for BoruSara fans its a main focus. That alone tells you where their priorities are, not love, just babies.

Sarada's only value to them is that she's Uchiha, if Sarada was lets say a Haruno/Lee instead not even half of these ppl would ship her as strongly with Boruto as they do now.

It explains why they care so little about Sarada's character and ignore all justified complaints about how poorly shes written, why is that? because why would they be? they dont need Sarada to be a good written character to get what they want, they LIKE her being written as a Boruto centric damsel in distress whos whole world revolves around him, thats good for them, because they need her for those babies, so the more obsessed she is with him the better, they dont care how bad it looks for her character, as long as its bringin them closer to those OP kids they dont care if Ikemoto had her kissing the ground Boruto walked on, or hell, even using her as a stepping stone over a puddle, they'd justify all of that and say shes a good well written character if it means their gettin those OP babies.

Sakura hasnt done half the pathetic things Sarada has and she gets dragged as the worst female character in shounen history, why do you think that is? because shes just a normal girl with non special genes to be passed down and create something powerful, but Sarada? the only other living member of the famous Uchiha clan, the strongest clan in Konoha next to the Senju, her genes passed down with someone from the Hyuuga/Uzumaki, two other very powerful clans, would create something truly out of this world.

And there you have it, thats all you need to know, just ask yourself whats different about how Sakura is written and Sarada and you'll notice the main deciding factor on why Sarada is better than Sakura is because of her genes. Thats all Sarada is to them, her genes, and they've made that more than clear to everyone whether they try to pretend that isnt the case or not, we all see the truth.

Them saying to KawaSara fans they don't want a SS 2.0 (they don't even have a lot of things in common, just a few)

Ironic considering this is them

Its all bs, they realized how stupid it was denying similarities to a canon ship because that actually increases the likelihood of it being canon [NH being similar to MinaKushi and SS being similar to FugaMiko, ShikTema being similar to his parents etc] so then they started claiming SS for themselves to claim they'll be canon, even tho prior to that they were saying they didnt want SS 2.0 because it was toxic and abusive and ruin Sarada's character like her mother and that Kishimoto learned from his mistakes, even though he never once expressed regrets about his endgame ships lol they think somehow BoruSara is supposed to be his 'atonement', yet now suddenly SS 2.0 is fine now that they apply it to BoruSara, suddenly its not toxic or ruins Sarada's character.

The way you know their not even sincere about it and just saying it to prove how their endgame, is because these ppl dont even understand SS themselves and only look at the superficial things on the surface, not their core characters and relationship and everything that went into it from the beginning to now.

This is why BoruSara is an insult to SS because its such a shallow representation of what SS was

For example Sarada's speech to Shikamaru about her defending a traitor like her dad used to be, and comparing her defending Boruto to how Naruto [and Sakura] defended Sasuke. Of course those buffoons ran with it like yea she's defending Boruto like Sakura did Sasuke when he was a traitor its totally endgame.

This is just surface level SS tho, Sakura wasnt just defending an innocent man wrongly accused, Sakura was defending an ACTUAL traitor, Sasuke made the conscious decision to abandon Konoha and betray everyone and willingly attempt to kill his comrade, all in his pursuit of power to avenge his family that was wrongfully murdered by his brother, he chose revenge >> his friends and Konoha, Sakura and Naruto stood by him despite that because they knew the real him and wanted to save him from that dark lonely path he was walking because they genuinely wanted him to be happy and knew he wouldnt be if he walked this path.

Compare that to BoruSara, why is Boruto a traitor? he isnt, everyone just thinks he is because of mass brainwashing, its Kawaki who is actually the traitor that everyone hates, but due to omnipotence thats all directed at Boruto now, why did Boruto leave? because if he didnt he would've been killed by everyone who thinks hes a traitor now, what is Borutos end goal? to undo omnipotence and knock some sense into Kawaki [and save the world obviously] and what is Sarada defending Boruto from? absolutely nothing, because hes innocent, so all her mouthing off has zero weight because shes defending an innocent person, so of COURSE she'd stand by him.

With Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura were defending a traitor, and then an international terrorist, they were INSANE to defend him but they did anyway because they loved him, they understood there had to be a reason, it was hard, and there was doubt, but overall they loved Sasuke and refused to give up on him and kept hope that one day they could all laugh together again as team 7.

Sarada is going through zero conflict over this, zero struggle, everyone is just brainwashed so none of the push back she receives has any weight because she knows its because of omnipotence that their acting that way, so the most she does is get frustrated that she cant break through omnipotences hold over them, but with Naruto and Sakura you had friends, comrades, even family telling them that they need to give up and let Sasuke die, that there was no saving him, that as Hokage your gonna have to make the hard decisions even if you dont want to etc and these werent ppl brainwashed, these were their sincere thoughts and feelings about the situation that brought both Naruto and Sakura to having breakdowns because of the inner tormoil it caused.

Show me where Sarada is going through that type of hell for Boruto, that kind of struggle, literally going her against the world [not ppl brainwashed by omnipotence] where is Sarada facing REAL hardship and pain trying to fight for Boruto? this is what I mean by ppl only making surface level comparisons for SS, because defending Sasuke wasnt just about defending a traitor, it was much deeper than that, and to treat it as if Sarada's situation is even remotely similar to that is a huge disrespect to SS.

The only way this would really parallel SS is if it was Kawaki she did this for, not because of my ship preference, but because its literally thematically similar. If you remove omnipotence, leave everybody in their right minds where they all believe Kawaki is a irredeemable traitor they want dead, THEN it would be similar to SS because Sarada would ACTUALLY be defending a traitor against non brainwashed ppl and trying to prove to them that despite his terrible actions there must be a good reason behind it and that hes still a good person etc, THEN it'd be similar.

But having Sarada just be defending an innocent man like shes really some ride or die when she doesnt have to ride or die for anything since he really isnt a traitor or bad guy to begin with is nothing short of goofy, even more so comparing it to SS when Sarada currently cant even handle a brainwashed Shikamaru not believing her like she already knew he didnt, Sakura and Naruto were willing to fight cloud nin, Naruto got on his knees to beg the Raikage for mercy on Sasuke, they were willing to go confront Danzo and possibly fight him, Naruto pushed Gaara's hand away when he tried to tell him to give up on Sasuke, Sakura punched Sai in the face for disrespecting Sasuke, Sakura fought tooth and nail against Sasori to get more info on Orochimaru, Naruto let Kurama take over to get back at Orochimaru for manipulating Sasuke

What has Sarada done to really 'ride or die' for Boruto? buy a similar jacket to his? yell at ppl you know cant help but not believe you because their literally under the influence of a massive shinjutsu? what a joke.

'Sarada wore a Boruto style jacket as a fk you to omnipotence' and nobody moved lol like seriously nobody moved so who was the middle finger to? who cared? nobody, omnipotence is still in full effect, nobody believes her or cares about her ramblings, Ada doesn't care, and Kawaki is so unfazed he doesn't even bother trying to stop her from running her mouth because she is THAT irrelevant, so who exactly is the fk you for? herself? shes the only one who gives a danm so like...ppl treatin that like its some huge badass character moment for her are laughable because unlike Naruto and Sakura who did have an impact, Sarada has had absolutely zero.

And its equally disrespectful to all the other ships they compare them too as well for equally shallow reasons, just because they might have similar moments on the surface doesnt mean anything if the core meaning and sentiments behind said moments arent the same.

For example MinaKushi, exactly what do they have similar to BoruSara? what is Sarada's biggest insecurity she hated that Boruto complimented and made her love? what enemy ninja has kidnapped Sarada that Boruto was the only one who noticed and followed her and saved her from? since when was Sarada bullied for her appearance where Boruto was the only one who didnt and supported her dream?

THE IRONY is that while Minato actually supported Kushina's dream from the start while everyone else made fun of it, Boruto was the ONLY ONE who made fun of Sarada's dream and berated her for it, but their similar to MinaKushi lol

'But Kushina looked down on Minato too'

Kushina looked down on him because she thought he looked unreliable, Boruto looked down on Sarada because of his personal issues with his father being Hokage and he took it out on her who didn't deserve it and he never apologized for it either, they are not the same.

Like I said they only focus on surface level similarities, but not the actual core elements of the relationship and characters, they have NOTHING in common with MinaKushi on a deep meaningful level, even down to the spiral symbolism they claim is somehow a parallel for BoruSara is literally about Kushina and Mito about being jinchuriki and getting through it thanks to the love of their husbands, like…they really think Kishimoto had BoruSara in mind when he made that one shot, instead of ya know, just focusing on MinaKushi who the one shot was actually about.

Same way they try to claim NaruHina similarities for again, surface level reasons instead of the actual deeper meaning of their relationship.

Tell me where Sarada grew up in an abusive household where her father practically disowned her because she was weak? where was Sarada inspired by Boruto being a 'proud failure' and wanting to be like him? where was Boruto Sarada's inspiration for her nindo? where was Sarada breaking Boruto out of his insecurity for a big upcoming fight he thought he couldnt win which gave him the courage and motivation to give it his all? when has Boruto ever literally fought to avenge Sarada because he was so angry at how she was treated? when has Sarada fought a far stronger enemy despite his protest? [a single fireball distraction and just standing there after the fact is not fighting]

They have none of that stuff that actually mattered and added substance to their relationship, you know what they did have? Sarada just watching Boruto from afar as if that is an actual deep meaningful part of their relationship…the funny thing is even that isnt similar, the contexts are literally complete opposites

Hinata watched Naruto out of admiration and infatuation, Sarada watched Boruto out of jealousy, and then later she was just watching him train with her dad hoping that he'd take Boruto on as his student since she knew it'd make him happy

Ironic right? the same guy who insulted her dream and berated her for it, Sarada was busy supporting him and wanting her dad to accept him as his student

You can tell these ppl dont understand or care about these ships their comparing them to fr fr, because if they did, they wouldnt be using only surface level similarities and not the actual deep core elements of the relationships.

you know where you CAN find ACTUAL similarities to other ships that DOES match the deep core elements of them? NaruSaku and SasuNaru.

Sarada was originally annoyed with Boruto at first [Just like Sakura and Sasuke] but after becoming teammates became alot closer like family, Sarada would watch Boruto pull pranks for his fathers attention in envy but despite being annoyed she also sympathized with him because she too had an absent father she craved attention from, Sasuke used to watch Naruto go around pulling pranks for attention too and despite thinking he was a moron he sympathized with him as well because they were both orphans and he understood his loneliness, Boruto and Sarada pretty much bicker with eachother the exact same way OG team 7 did, the only difference being the lack of drama now because theres no conflict with one of the teammates goin rogue and betraying them [Kawaki fills that role] but overall the sentiments is the same when it comes to those ships.

Sakura despite being annoyed with Naruto often she still worried for him alot and wanted to help him anyway she could and was frustrated with herself when she couldnt help him more, same way Sarada is frustrated with herself for not being able to help Boruto more, Sasuke resented Naruto for thinking he understood him when he had nothing from the start and has no idea what its like to have a family and then lose it, same way Sarada resented Boruto for his ignorance of being so blessed always complaining about his dad overworking when Sarada would kill to have what he did [Boruto had the perfect family then lost it when Naruto became Hokage and neglected them but still tried to be there for them, Sarada always had a dysfunctional family and absent dad that she only just got to finally know at 11, he did not understand her at all]

Regardless, they still sympathized because even though the situations were very different, they both understood the pain of missing their fathers, which is why she was still able to empathize with him despite being far worse off.

Hell the only OG ship with a heavy emphasis on a promise like BoruSara is NaruSaku, same for it being the only OG ship with an emotional surprise hug after an invasion where the FMC hugs the MC relieved to see he was ok while the other one sided love interest watches [whether ones smiling and the other not is irrelevant, its the overall context and execution of the scene that matters]

I made mini compilation here

Theres alot more but you get the picture, THESE are actual similarities that actually fits in depth with their relationships and not just surface level similarities, but actual CORE relationship elements.

This is why they hate being compared to NS and SNS because they know themselves that those are the ships they have actual similarities with, but neither of them are canon so obviously they dont wanna be associated with non canon ships cuz then that means they wont be canon either right? That's why it HAS to be SS, HAS to be NH, HAS to be MinaKushi, all canon ships that totally proves BoruSara will be endgame just like em.

They get away with everything and it's SO annoying.

Agreed, but as the biggest fanbase unfortunately they can get away with just about anything since they have way bigger numbers so the amount of ppl calling em out gets easily drowned out and made the one in the wrong instead.

Literally just saw them calling other haters/jealous lmfao, they're so easy to predict. Also you forgot to add how much they love to call everyone else delusional as if their ship is canon, like girlie none of them is canon, so for now everybody is delusional lol.

Ironic because nobody comes off more jealous than them, and they don't even have anything to be jealous about yet lol they literally have more than any other ship so why they sweatin? because they know it don't mean shit, it could easily be a red herring leading em on just for disappointment in the future, they act like they don't fear that possibility and that there's no way it'll happen again but deep down their scared to death because they know it is possible, they prove that by being so bothered and obsessed with much smaller ships ain't no way they should be concerned about UNLESS they felt there was genuine good reason for doing so, aka being threatened by said ships lol

The delusional thing is always funny to me because they'll go and make up a whole fanfic headcanon scenario for why their right, and then when you slap them with reality and canon facts that easily contradict their twisted fantasy version of events, they get mad and say your delusional or in denial and just jealous when...your literally just pointing out the canon facts that are in literal black and white for all to see, but to them the truth is delusion, and the lies they tell themselves are reality.

She literally revolves around him and ignores her own parents (that she separated) like hellooo?? Her idol, ChoCho her best friend?? Like come on guys. It's all about him, nothing about her and that's another thing that i dislike about them. I'm praying that Kawakis development will be good and that we'll see more deep/interesting conversations between him and Sarada.

Same, there is so much untapped potential between her and Kawaki its not even funny, they had some of the biggest wasted opportunities ever

Like Boruto's death was handled WAY too quickly, Sarada wasnt even given a chance to process it, she was told right in the heat of the moment of them fighting, then everything happened back to back afterwards so she didn't even get a chance to process THAT before she had to process 50 other things that happened all at one, that was such a missed opportunity for some real conflict that they only gave to Sumire who didn't even do anything with it and just looked scared of him every interaction afterwards, thats info that would've been far better utilized on Sarada

Just imagine after checking on Boruto, Sarada went to Kawaki's room and overheard them talking about what happened, she's shocked, she's confused, shes wondering why Boruto lied to her about what happened, why Naruto is ok with this, a lot of conflicting emotions running through her mind that she needs to process so she goes meet Mitsuki at the balcony where they are watching Boruto and her dad, Sarada considers telling Mitsuki what she heard but when Mitsuki tells her how he doesn't know what he might do to the person that tried to kill Boruto, Sarada withholds what she heard cuz she doesn't want to go after him, so Sarada internalizes and has to deal with these feelings on her own, on one hand she understands that this was what Boruto wanted to protect everyone, but on the other she cant bring herself to just be ok with Kawaki trying to kill him, however this situation brings up a new internal conflict she hadn't thought about before and thats what SHE would do if she were faced with a possessed Boruto in that kind of situation? would she be able to kill him if needed? does she have the resolve to do what needs to be done even if she doesn't want to? could she make that difficult decision like Kawaki did? even if thats what Boruto wanted? if he had asked her to, would she be able to honor his wishes? or would she be unable to and let Momo rampage

I could go on but I dont want this to be too long but you get the point, imagine we got THAT instead of all that rushed bs, imagine we got some actual reflection, some inner conflict, some internal struggles trying to figure out her resolve and if she'll be able to do what needs to be done as Hokage.

Imagine her and Kawaki had that talk when they were alone and she confronted him about it, Kawaki affirming his resolve to her that he will do anything to protect Naruto, even killing his own brother, and then the question is passed on to Sarada for what her resolve is, but she has no answer at the moment, all she knows is that she too wants to protect Naruto but she wants to protect Boruto too and doesn't want him to die, but Kawaki tells her there may be a time when she has no choice in the matter and will have to make up her mind soon, then in 78 shes forced to make that decision on just how far shes willing to go for her beliefs, can she kill Boruto if he's a threat? can she kill Kawaki if he's threatening Boruto? she gets there and its time to make a decision, Kawaki once again affirms his resolve by even being willing to kill her if she got in his way of doing what he genuinely believed is right, but Sarada is still unsure of herself, unable to let Boruto die even if he's a threat to everyone, but unwilling to kill Kawaki either even when he's threatening her life, because, despite his rude attitude a lot of the time, she still came to view Kawaki as a friend and teammate and THATS why she hesitates.

Now imagine, shocker, that she actually feels REMORSE for costing Boruto his eye, I know crazy right? you would think that'd have happened IN CANON but oddly it did not, she hasn't been shown feeling even the slightest bit of guilt for costing him his eye that day which is crazy to me, but unsurprising because she didn't even feel the slightest big of remorse for her dad being treefied because SHE sent him off to protect Boruto.

RIP the empathetic caring Sarada who actually gave a danm in 28, 36, and 39 you will be missed.

Having Sarada go there acting all sure of herself but not backing it up did such irreparable damage to her character, whereas in the scenario I just laid out or anything similar to that actually adds depth and valid reasoning for why she'd freeze up there, vs talking a big game like she was about that life only to freeze as soon as shit got real, it was such a stupid writing decision to do that, yes even worse than both of Sakura's failed kill attempts on Sasuke because at least we actually saw the internal conflict she was going through that made her hesitate, we got none of that for Sarada, she just said she couldn't stand by and do nothing....only to stand by and do nothing.

Pure goofiness.

So I really am hoping, by some miracle, the upcoming Kawaki development will lead to some for Sarada as well, but considering Boruto is being brought to the village now I doubt we'll be seeing that anytime soon and she'll continue hyperfixating on HIM and how HES treated until he somehow gets free.

And even then once he's free and out of the village, I hope her 'development' wont be just more bitching at everybody and calling Kawaki Otsutsuki too some more cuz my god, can the girl have any other personality traits besides 'bitter at everyone whos mean/doesnt like Boruto' ? I don't think thats too much to ask. Can she also actually act like she has other friends besides Sumire? can we really not let her be SO BORUTO CENTRIC that she avoids all her other friends/family, even her long time bestie Chocho, over a fkin boy? is this not THE SAME SHIT ppl got on Sakura for doing to Ino? choosing a boy over their friendship? wheres that energy now huh? just again goes to show where the priorities REALLY were all along.

This is a main reason I dont like the ship, because no other Sarada ship is she written THIS poorly for, when its her and Mitsuki their equals and Mitsuki gives just as much to her as she does for him, when its her and Kawaki they are also equals, Kawaki never looks down at her as defenseless or weak, he knows she's strong and capable of fending for herself and allows her to do so, its only BORUTO that intervenes and acts like she's helpless, HES the one who doesn't view her as an equal, but a helpless damsel that needs him to fight all her battles for her, even one about her own fkin father HE takes on the role of freeing him, best believe Sarada will have nothing to do with it, its gonna be all Boruto for her to have the big 'thank you' later and relieve Borutos guilt by returning her father to her, it sounds sweet in concept, but the execution is terrible and makes Sarada useless in her own plot, just like shes already useless in the plot in general besides being unaffected she has done literally nothing of substance with that immunity.

When shes with Boruto he will always take center stage, it'll never be an equal partnership with equal treatment, Sarada has given her ALL to Boruto yet Boruto hasn't even given half of that, the only time Sarada is a thought for him is as an extension of Sasuke, him thanking her before he left? because she sent Sasuke, his promise? because his dream is to be the supporting shadow like Sasuke who supports the Hokage and thus Sarada since she plans to be Hokage [put anyone else in that role and he'd do the exact same thing] , his new promise? to save Sasuke, him coming back to Konoha? to tell her what happened to Sasuke, him coming back again? because his sister was being targeted and then Sarada was being targeted by the Sasuke clone and he took the opportunity to kill him to get the thorn soul bulb that'll help free Sasuke

But when he was about to be killed by Kawaki? he only thought of his mom and sister, when Mitsuki guilt tripped him about breaking his promise, it was only the mention of his mother and sister that got him to change his mind, the only one Boruto has told Naruto is alive to was Mitsuki, not Sarada despite knowing thats her idol, he never made any attempts to contact Sarada in the entire 3 yrs despite clearly having the village bugged with frogs he can teleport to easily , hell he could even just leave letters with the frogs to deliver them to her, ya know, the sorta thing ppl got on Sasuke's case for not doing and now here Boruto is doing the same thing but nobody says anything about it.

Again I dont want this to get too long so Ima cut it here but I think I made my points clear enough at least to get why this ship is so ass and its shippers are so fake as hell shipping it. They can delude themselves that their the 'healthy' and 'not deluded' ones but they are, always have been, their just even worse now because they've lied to themselves for so long they actually believe it, and that is truly sad.

They should block, silence and report them and enjoy KawaSara week in peace, i hope that they won't let BS fans stop them from enjoying it!! Sorry i wrote a lot too lmfaoo.

No no its fine, I wrote alot too lol I'll be surprised if you or anyone else reads all of it 😭 but if you do thank you.

And I hope so too, their not worth letting them ruin their week, and the best get back is to just go on enjoying our week unbothered and ignore them cuz they want attention to distract from us actually focusing on celebrating KawaSara to fight with them, DONT DO IT, don't fall into the trap, just focus on KawaSara and ONLY them, antis will get bored eventually when they seen nobody is feeding into them.

[noclassnowitnosoul]

thinking about the life is pain speech in 8.21. How its finally explicitly naming a theme thats been so prevalent under the surface. house is always escaping pain in any way he can but he never explicitly tries to end his life(arguably the overdose in 3.10 could be seen as an attempt but its not rlly recognised as such). when he snaps and asks how many times taub thinks he thought about giving up and ending it, it also signifies that all those times he chose not to do it despite the amounts of pain he is in, even though it drove him to do so many other risky things. Everyone is sort of aware of this as well, that house with his self destructive tendencies might take a step too far one day, but it is brought up so rarely that its easy to forget. And this conversation takes place after the only person who's been with him through all of it does want to give up. And this is all being said to taub, someone who has attemted himself(I know he said that wasnt about him but something something everybody lies it was heavily implied that he did actually talk about himself).

AND THEN NEXT EPISODE KUTNER SHOWS UP

And then house does consider giving up but he doesnt. He wants to, he is tired. But he has wanted to many times and he's been tired many times and he never did it. Instead he fakes his own death to spend wilsons last months together. he kills himself to live

this whole series is drenched with euthanasia and suicide. It must be watched with the understanding that house has considered it so many times and always chose not to do it. every time he forces treatment onto someone it is not just because he wants to solve his puzzles its because if he has to live with the pain every day then so does everyone else

[love-hol1c]

Hi hi! Could i request a yandere mokou? If youre comfortable with it of course have a great day! :)

OF COURSE! ask and you shall recieve pooks! i'll try to keep the whole yandere thing not too extreme, if ur fine with it, since u didn't specify the type of yandere concept you needed (BUT THATS FINE!!!) (also im super sorry for replying like idk how many days later, probably two months)

[yandere mokou x gn!reader] (since gender wasn't specified) Normally, Mokou would just be alone, walking the seemingly endless bamboo forest, looking for anyone that had gotten lost. And she wasn't one to get close to people either, but something about you.. it drew her in. She wanted to just have you with her, never leaving her, to be lost in the bamboo forest, forever in her embrace, but she knew that she probably shouldn't be thinking like that. It was.. wicked. But lucky for her, and unlucky for you probably, you were lost in said forest, and she had found you just in time. Immediately, she asked if you were okay, if you had any injuries, and reluctantly helped you out the bamboo forest, waving at you as you left. As much as she wanted you all to herself, she needed you to trust her first. A plan was already forming in her mind anyways, a plan to have you all to herself, and it just needed a little more time and effort for her plan to play out. Eventually, as time passed, you both got closer due to her helping you in and out the bamboo forest, conversing with you as she led you out in different routes of the bamboo forest that you had to go to. And by the time you trusted her, she immediately turned on you, trapping you in the bamboo forest, with nobody else knowing where you are but her. "Oh, [NAME].. You don't get it, I'm only doing this to protect you. Do you know how many humans and youkai there are out there that might hurt you? I can't afford seeing you hurt." Mokou said, walking closer to you, caressing your cheek in a loving manner. "I promise, I won't hurt you, but just trust me. I won't let anyone lay a finger on you, or even look at you." She muttered, staring at you with a sweet but manic expression. "Don't you know I'm only doing this for you because I love you? I love you, [NAME]. So don't think of trying to leave me." Said Mokou, who had started embracing you, not caring if you were afraid or crying, or angry, even. As long as you, her beloved, were with her, away from everybody else who might be an obstacle to your 'relationship', then that's all that matters now, nothing more and nothing else.

[show-us-kaidenshenandoah]

i think im gonna start a series called "Kaiden-Shenandoah's random life tips" bc there's just some odd things i do that make my life easier/more enjoyable. that. like. i dont think make me special?? but most of my loved ones i babble to, when i mention them, will look surprised and be all "damn, that's clever. that's an issue i never thought about, but yeah, i can see how thatd help others/myself. ill have to remember that"

so. this post is all JUST IN CASE it helps someone, even just one person, then the effort will have been entirely worth it. bc sometimes living life is hard and sometimes you just need to hear someone say "oh, what about this possible solution?" to help you out by applying such to your routines or use that suggestion as foundational inspiration for something more customized to your own life or whatever else— just to make living life that little bit easier. and if me sepcifically needing a lot of "oddball" solutions and pre-cautions helps others??? that makes me feel awesome (and less alone), so hell yeah, ill do my best to remember as many tips as i have and be consistent about posting them within this thread. just in case and all that jazz ✌️

(and, even tho this likely DOES NOT need to be said out loud, ill say it anyway as my own proverbial "Bill of Rights" style just-have-it-written-down-in-case-the-worst-happens-in-the-future (but hope for the best) PSA: if these dont apply to you?? or if you think "wtf, people need help with this?? our generation/the next generation is doomed"??? maYHAPS THIS POST ISN'T FOR YOU. this is applicable only to people with lifestyles and/or brains that are similar to me and my loved ones. if you arent of that lifestyle or brain-typage, then thats that lol of course you cant relate. it's an "apples and oranges" thing, y'know. not better/worse or special/normal; just different. it's not something you need, and that's super okay. just don't be rude about the difference. if youd like to be kind and reblog anyway in case any followers or loved ones of yours could be helped by any of this?? that's so fantastic. some of this stuff has some really bad internalized shame about it, or else people have been conditioned to just "keep that to themself; don't talk about it", and either way some of these topics (not all, but still) have people who are hiding their struggle from others as best they can. you don't know what you don't know; and you don't know what people don't tell you. so it's very generous of you, as someone who cant relate to some/all of this stuff, to reblog just in case one of those silent strugglers follow you and/or are a part of your inner-circle. thank you so much for sympathizing with struggles you know your life as is doesn't share and thank you for being kind ♡)

i dont expect this to be helpful to EVERYBODY, and def feel free to just screenshot what is valuable to you and abandon this actual post (just pls dont crop my name out, esp if you end up re-posting your copy to your own blog or on different social-media elsewhere. bc credit is nice lol) bc i assume this will become a long/repetitive post as i update on/off. and most people dont like long posts lmao rip so you dont gotta reblog it if you hate long/repetitive posts or are worried about your followers disliking any long/repetitive post (besides: ill sometimes make one-offs not attached to this post, probably. esp since im forgetful and tumblr is broken/i lose things easily. but ill try to reblog this one for most of them, since thats easier organization for my brain 🫶 lmao)

(but yeah i only have three ideas i wanna do today, but ill come back to this whenever i remember another one ive done thats been helpful to me and/or that i created alongside a loved one that helped them lol)

also pls note that i am dyslexic and do not plan on editing any of this too seriously. so forgive me for mispellings, for forgetting an entire word, and so on. this is me being very casual, so ill inevitably miss some mistakes i make and whatnot

hugs and kisses xoxo best wishes see you later babe

[winterrhayle]

girl, you a swiftie too!! 🥺 🤩👌

ok, what is ur ride-or-die, hands-down perfect taylor song for Jacinter?? (cuz they're my fave couple 😝😝)

omg i have so many is that okay😭? i cant pick

mary's song (oh my my my) - this is THEEEEE childhood best friends to lovers trope and EVEN THE AGE GAP IN THE SONG FITS!!!! that lyric thats like 'and I'll be eighty-seven / you'll be eighty-nine / I'll still look at you like the stars that shine' is SO jacinter coded bc they're also 2 years apart!!!!! 17 and 19!!!!!!!!

i'm only me when i'm with you - bc they can only be themselves when its just them, usually winter has to be in the role of a reserved and compliant princess and jacin has to be the heartless obedient palace guard, but when they're together they can be somewhat normal

come in with the rain - this song reminds me of when winter is in her bedroom hoping that jacin will leave his post outside her door and go to her. and the lyric 'i've watched you so long / screamed your name / i don't know what else I can say' is winter constantly trying to get jacin to admit how he really feels, but obviously because of their situation he couldn't say😔

gold rush - honestly this song works for any winter couple paring because she is THE gold rush,, its about the idea of somebody (jacin) being enamoured by somebody that everybody wants, because they're so beautiful. and heres one of the parts of the book winter that reminds me of this:

its so perfect for them

peace - winter thinking about how she could never give jacin peace if they were together because she'll always have her lunar sickness tormenting her (i think of this to be before she gets the bioelectricity security lock)

you are in love - ohhh i love this song for them,, its all about falling in love and theres some specific lyrics that are so perfect like 'he says, "look up" / and your shoulders brush / no proof, one touch, but you felt enough' isn't this lyric soo reminiscent of that scene where winter is sitting next to jacin while he's on guard duty, and she really wants him to acknowledge her (but he's not allowed as he's on duty) so he briefly brushes his fingertips on her hair so show her that he feels the same way and wishes they could communicate too😭 AAAND THAT LYRIC 'Pauses, then says "You're my best friend" / And you knew what it was, he is in love' which is another bffs to lovers lyric ahhh, and theres all those lyrics in the song about how you can see they're in love in the silence, and its just an unspoken thing that they're both aware of, SO JACINTER

[roxyzwritez]

REWATCHING SU:F

this will be a chain of self reblogs as i go through each episode of the.. unfortunate part of steven universe.

------EP 1------

the way peridot goes

steven universe futureee~

gives me serotonin.

2. the connie lofigirl reference made me go OH MY GOD ITS YHE REFRENCE and im here for it

3.s l u u u u u u h r p "i think YOU, should stop trying to fix everybody." hits hard

4. "AND IF I DIDN'T CARE, YOU'D STILL BE A MONSTER TOO." goes SO hard like you fucking GO king

5.okay every line from frustrated steven in that scene gives me adrenaline rushes like now i wanna beat someone up and just gurugjfigig YEAH

6."you are NOT my diamond" funny you say that, jasper. funny you say that, jasper. fragments you say that, jasper. funny you

7.the fight scene fucks so hard

-----EP 2-----

8. steven stop narrating or else fhfgbfbbt this isnt a documentary you god damn goofball i cant be that mad (not yet you gotta talk trash about rose for me to throw hands)

9. tv froze when biggs jasper flung the ferris wheel and that's the highlight of my day

10."comfortable can be good, too." based amy for the win

11. the start of stevens downward spiral: hey lets push everyone out of their comfort zone OH JEEPERS WHY IS EVERYTHING FALLING APART

11.5: DELIVERY. DELIVERY. D E L I V E R Y.

12.you should be sorry steven beach city is now on fire like california.

13. smoky quartz representation 💗💗💗

14. pink smoky quartz could beat every single villain and hero instantly. thanos? avengers? god himself? addicted

15. choose their own future, yk? choose their own future, yk? CHOOSE THEIR OWN FUTURE, YK? CH-

------EP 3------

16. oh god rose buds. ep hasnt even started and the trauma is flooding back AWAAAAYGH my poor boy steven-

17. "after everything that's happened..." I WILL FIGHT YOU AND WIN YOU WILL RESPECT YOUR GOD DAMN MOTHER YOU MOTHERFUC- *ahem* sorry. idc if future was rushed due to unfortunate uncontrollable circumstances but this still makes me furious how fucking dare y

18. greg why couldn't you just stand up for yourself. bruh got his lack of spine from smashing the diamond im sorry that's the only criticism of pink/rose i can make and not uncontrollably punch myself

19. i wanna hang out with the famethysts. forever. i wanna laze like delinquents!! holly blue get ur ass LAZING. get with the times.

20. "i cannot wait to see the look upon your face when you see their faces" the amount of trolling is a lot more than a little

21. "yes, this is the look i wished to see!" im sorry but you will die for the mistreatment of steven cutiepie forgot the rest of your long name universe he did not deserve this

22. quiet rose gave me false hope and i died. still die when i see that one

23. WHY DON'T YOU COME TO DINNER AND FIND OUT :)))))

24. "yo steve- (bass boosted vine boom)"

25. "i haven't had that many exes show up since- (bass boosted vine boom)"

26. pearl somehow having her composure is a mystery to me. i need lessons on how to not explode in that kind of situation

27. "...but thank yOU, RO- (crowdstrike update)"

28. pearl freaking out about this is making me freak out about this and i don't know what that says about me.

29. mmmMmmmMmMMMN SLUMBER PARTTy:)))))

30. "i am dead rose quartz!" thats a crit right there right to my feels

31. the squal of terror when they turn on the tape is so hilarious but also makes me scream in terror

32. yeah bro lion would get maaad.

33. motherfucking bitch ass fuck hiding the painting in the pink realm i hope you turn into a lizard and feel bad about it OH WAIT YOU DO. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR DISRESPECTING THE LORD AND SAVIOR, ROSE QUARTZ UNIVERSE. sorry just another RRRRRAAAUGH THIS IS WHY IM MAKING THE AU I HATE STEVEN UNIVERSE FUTURE FUCKING GDOD DAMN CORPORATES RUSHING WRITERS LEADING TO BAD CONTENT AAAAA

34. funny number not putting anything here

35. oh that's why ppl ship volleypearl. i forgot the SORRY TO INTERRUPT BUT "looks like someone has still got it bad..." I DONT WANNA HEAR IT FROM YOU YOU STILL GRIEVE JUST LIKE THE REST OF anyway i forgot that blushy she had at pink pearl. i understand now

36. "im older than you:3" *restrained death stare*

37. welcome pink dia- (sudden explosion)

38. pearl stop talking down to volleyball why are you so mean GGRGRR RAAAAAAAAAA its so grating. be nice to eachother. outburst imminent

39. what.did.you.say.?

40. the pink outburst. the rage. the release. its so SATISFYING. until the pearls almost get rejuvenated of course. also megapearl is 🥰🥰🥰😳😳😳😳💗💗💗💗😚😚😚😚🥰🥰

41. megapearl in that pose just. im going to turn into rose quartz. right now. iaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAQQ?&;&5525640$@)@)"78;73(2$;);96&$0)&(72)5@3495$?,'gj

42. oksy. fine. maybe volleypwarl is a valid ship (sniffles)

ok im not making this post any longr ill continue later

[effervescentdragon]

hello everybody its tag game tiiiime thank you katie @singsweetmelodies and luna @remapped-soul youre the best, i just posted my citizenship application and am lying on the floor trying to cool down here okay lets go

name: akira

sign: libra babeeeey

time: noon-ish

fave band/artist: led zeppelin is my go to answer because i adore them but like idek, i love so many bands and artists? depending on the mood, atm im in lana del ray mood

last movie: uhhh i think maze runner? i forgot how much it sucks. last one i loved was venom: let there be carnage tho 😻 all my feminism gors to hell when tom hardy is involved

last show: im on s6 of x files and im in love 🥹

when i created this blog: i think sometime first lockdown in 2020? no idea exactly

other blogs: i have some for saving shit but my fave one i have saved is @niamhisadick 😊

do i get asks: BOY DO I

followers: i saw it last night i had 1234 thats so cooooool that it caught my eye idk if the situation changed overnight and i dont care

average hours of sleep: ahahahahaha

instruments: im the best at playing on ppls nerves

what am i wearing: white panties. its too hot and my floor is cold and im overheated and the girls are free

dream job: to quote that reel - "daaaa-hling, i do NOT dream of labour"

dream trip: patagonia

favourite song atm: locksmith - sadie jean, i heard it last night and sent it to EVERYBODY. otherwise barbie soundtrack im obsessed

tagging: @saecookie @ruiniel @sebsrainbowbicycle @ayceeofspades @milflewis @lewishamil10n @vro0m @mssr-monagato @c2-eh @sedicii @livetogether--diealone @antimonyandthyme and honestly anyone else who wants to do it pls count it as if i tagged you mwah

[eusuntgratie]

8, 12, 16, 23 👀👀💚

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

i have some...complicated feelings about buck and chris's relationship and how that's portrayed/talked about especially in how it reflects on eddie. i say shit like THATS HIS DAD and THEYVE BEEN COPARENTING FOR YEARS because they HAVE and i think in a lot of ways buck loves chris like he's his and chris CLEARLY sees buck as a parental figure and eddie REPEATEDLY and PURPOSEFULLY puts buck in that role and is comfortable with him in that role.

where i get the ick is when that's pushed into this idea that chris needs buck, that eddie needs buck, in order for their family to be complete. and i don't know that i can articulate this well bc eddie does need buck, and chris needs buck too. but i also think it is so so important to recognize that eddie is a great father (despite a rough start) and that they were (and would continue to be) just fine without him.

i've even struggled with how i've written this relationship in fic, because it can be a tough line to toe.

i suspect that fandom subconciously leans in to this idea that buck can swoop in and save eddie and chris in large part because buck is white and eddie isn't. and i know that i'm icked by it more because of that.

and this is probably related, but i don't think chris would ever start calling buck anything but buck. the idea that a kid needs to call someone dad/mom/whatever for them to be "important" is bullshit. my best friend and i's kids call us by our first names but they also refer to us as their 'other mom'. i've always called my stepdad by the nickname everyone else calls him. buck has been in chris's life a long time; i don't think he's gonna start calling him something different if they finally get together and/or get married.

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

taylor and shannon and lucy on 911. fandom loves to hate any woman that's even vaguely connected to one of the boys. i like taylor because she's interesting, and i appreciate seeing a woman who puts herself and her career first. we see men do that all the time. i don't hate taylor for being selfish. i don't want her with buck, but i think their relationship was SO interesting and was important for buck figuring out what he wants.

i LOVE shannon and i have loved shannon from the beginning. people love to hate her and say she's a terrible mother for abandoning her child. but she was a young woman in an impossible position who had NO help from her partner for YEARS. she tried to do what she thought was best for her son, her mother, and herself. eddie wouldn't GIVE her that space so she TOOK it. and good for her, honestly. did it hurt chris that she left? absolutely. would people judge a father as harshly for doing EXACTLY the same thing? absolutely not. shannon loved her kid, she tried to do her best, but she was pushed well past her breaking point (which eddie is largely to blame for - yes i can love my blorbos and admit they have flaws GASP) and everyone had to deal with the fallout.

lucy is hot and badass and interesting and if you watch her kiss with buck and think anything other than 'fuck, that's hot' then we will simply never agree and i'm not going to argue with you. get off her ass, she's incredible and i want her back.

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

miscommunication based pining. i can do it for a little bit, but my nightmare is a 100k+ fic rated t tagged slow burn and mutual pining. JUST OPEN YOUR DAMN MOUTH! AAAAAAHHHHHH!! i can do SOME pining bc yearning can be really delicious but when the whole reason 2 people are pining for seven billion words is because nobody will just TALK it makes me insane.

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

oooh this is tricky bc i am a multishipper to my CORE i want everybody fuckin everybody and falling in love all over the place give it to meeeeee. i feel like the only ship i've ever really been AGAINST is thorki, and that's largely bc of people arguing that it doesn't "count" as incest bc loki was adopted, which pisses me the fuck off. the actual ship i don't really have beef with and i'm sure i would read a fic if someone sent it to me and it was good. idk. it takes a lot for me to be like, ew, absolutely not.

(obligatory disclaimer that you're allowed to like shit i don't like. i'm not telling you your opinion sucks, i'm telling you what i think <3)

fandom violence asks <3

[thegongoozlerreacts]

Hazbin Hotel Episode 1: Overture

hello i am back with a New Update on things to react to, and i thought Hazbin Hotel would be the perfect place to start since all episodes were fully released a few days ago! and also EVERYBODY i know has been bugging me about watching this show and now i FINALLY have the time to!!

spoilers under the cut

wow barely a few seconds in and i can already tell that the music is gonna be So Banger

wow okay so the opening exposition is Super Interesting

just wanna say the animation is also Fantastic in this section but ooh the lore drops

i really love the way the angels are stylized here, and how its all in black and white with accents of gold (except Lucifer who has a very light red gradient in his wings)

and also its the way that More color is brought on screen by Lucifer only oooh

oohh and the way that red gradient turns gray when the angels are like, disapproving of his ideas

its So Funny how Adam fumbled his first wife So Hard that she ran away and fell in love with someone else then his second wife got convinced by the First Wife and Her New Love LMFAOO

MAN this makes me feel SO Bad for Lucifer and i feel Conflicted as someone raised christian but like. i feel bad for him they do say that the road to hell was paved with good intentions

also Lilith thriving on the evil stuff like you Go Girlboss

these are So Pretty to look at

aww Charlie and Vaggie are So Cute

SEVEN YEARS? ouch seven years without hearing anything from her mom

omg they are So Cute

OMG THIS IS SO CUTE

damn the ominous Ringing of the Bell in the only angelic-like structure of hell

BYE ALASTOR'S AD.....

"Founded five days ago by Lucifer's ~delusional~ daughter!"

"As she tries to work through her daddy issues by fixing you!" STOPPPP NAHHH THATS FOULL

the shaky camera i cant

"HAHA I NAMED IT" LMFAOOOO yeah you sure did buddy

incredible, they dont have A Working Phone

their faces LMFAOO

love that Alastor is bad at TV commercials because he's like... a radio host. the radio demon. he is Decidedly Not a TV Guy

also can i just say that the animation is So Smooth and So Fluid like wow i could rewatch the way each character moves 100 times and that is NOT exaggeration

help he is So Mad that they arent doing a radio show

ok actually Angel Dust's voice is really good like?? idk something about it is just Fun to listen to

Charlie trying to be So Nice is extremely entertaining

OMG HUSK !! HIS VOICE HELP !! it fits So Well

also shoutout to the background music

omg Angel Dust has got a little heart spot on the back of his head thats really really cute

aww Charlie is so cute

OOH A SONG ALREADY

LMFAOO "That bitch is halfway down the street!" i love Angel's goofy little smile as he says it also Amazing how the fuck did she get over there so quickly????

i love Charlie's and Vaggie's voice

"They're bloodthirsty and deranged!" <- really funny that this is being said about angels

he is a Hologram hey this guy's An Asshole what the fuck did Charlie ever do to you

new reaction image she looks so done with his bullshit im cackling

i can already tell that the new commercial is Not gonna go well

HEKSDJKSDN ANGEL DUST "I need a big strong daddy to put me in my place... on the path to redemption!" THE CHANGE IN TONE I CANNOT

oh ok so this Asshole Angel Guy is adam

"I'm the original dick!" BRO???? HELP?? IM ?? this does not sound like Angelic Behavior anyways what The Fuck is he even on about

the fact that he specifically calls out Climate Change as Earth's Problem, but not HERPES?? implies that angels get herpes i guess????

HELFHLDKJ I CANT Hazbin Hotel is KILLING it with the facial expressions

there is not One Thought behind that eye new reaction image

its okay Nifty you're trying your best

there are just Too Many good reaction images and memes spawned from just this One episode

Alastor is So Mad and Bitter about TV

BRUH the way he couldve done all that The Whole Time but he didnt because he Hates tv 😭😭

also wtf Nifty's giant now

well... at least Vaggie and the Hotel Gang are having a better time than Charlie with this Asshole Angel Guy

"I've never made a mistake in my fucking life" says the guy who fucked up so bad that he had to get a second wife

fuck this song is banger BUT i hate adam

DAMN "And for those of us with divine ordainment/Extermination is entertainment!" fuck when he sings it it goes So Hard but like aw :(( what The Fuck Heaven

WTF THEY MOVED IT EARLIER ????? WHY ??

help Alastor just glitching on screen

oh what The Fuck theyre moving it earlier cuz somehow a demon killed an angel? and theyre gonna kill ALL OF THE DEMONS????? WHAT

and thats the end of the episode im.

wow well. honestly it was REALLY good and i am so excited to watch the rest of the series

unfortunately i have to go now, bye i will be back with my reactions to the second episode! tomorrow (hopefully)

farewell, folks!

[writingunderclouds]

WrightWorth Angst

------------------

After a long and hard trial everybody gathered at a sushi restaurant. Maya of course ordered a big bowl for herself. Everyone else got normal size. Larry was conversing with Phoenix meanwhile Edgeworth was in a deep conversation with Gumshoe. The defense lawyer kept darting glances at his friend.

"Dude, when will you just tell him?" Larry questioned.

"Huh? Larry don't be a kidder, Miles is just my friend," Phoenix answered.

"Jeez, you're both blind!"

"Larry! Keep your voice down."

Miles took a glance in the two's direction, a frown forming on his face. The detective took notice and tried to reassure the prosecutor. However the gray-haired individual didn't budge.

"E-excuse me," Edgeworth said to the table, then getting up going to the restroom.

Maya was confused and looked at her mentor. Phoenix shrugged his shoulders at her, jumping back into the conversation with Larry. Gumshoe rose to his feet, heading towards the bathroom. Inside he noticed Miles was the only one in there. To the well-built man it was a shock to see his boss in tears.

"Prosecutor Edgeworth, are you okay?" Gumshoe asked softly.

The one with a cravat spun around, tears brimming his eyes. Gumshoe didn't know what to do, except wait for a response.

"N-no, I'm not okay Gumshoe," Miles muttered out.

"Want to talk about it?" The detective queried.

"Just a friend- just a friend! Thats all I ever am to Phoenix!"

"You love him, don't you boss?"

"More than just friends? Of course I do."

Miles slumped himself over a sink and continued to let himself cry. It technically was a good thing since he hardly expresses emotions. Dick couldn't stand seeing his boss cry, making him walk over and hug the other. Edgeworth was taken aback by this, but didn't mind. The prosecutor lifted the detectives hands up, turning to face him and placing his hands back.

"I don't deserve you Gumshoe," Miles whispered, hugging him back.

"Call me Rich," Gumshoe replied back softly.

"Rich?"

"My full name is Richard. We're you not there when Mr. Von Karma referred to me as such?"

"I don't think I was- Rich."

"People just call me Dick as a joke or reference to my job."

"If that's the case, I'll raise your salary."

"Really? Thanks a lot Miles! Oh- I mean Edge-"

"No no, it's alright you can call me Miles."

Richard gave a smile and nodded. This hug felt comforting to the prosecutor. The last time he got a hug was from his father so many years ago. He felt that his father and Rich were so similar. Both behaved like kids and adults at the same time. Gumshoe freed himself from the hug and went towards the door.

"Uh- Rich?" Miles asked.

"Yes Miles?" Gumshoe asked back.

"How much do you want on your salary?"

"Whatever you feel is best boss."

"How about- 25 an hour?"

"T-thats way to generous Miles!"

"Take it as a token of my gratitude."

"Alright alright, I won't push you any further."

Richard was about to exit when Miles perked up. "One more thing," the one in a maroon suit added.

"What's up?" The one with a coat asked.

"You remind me a lot of my father and-"

"You're asking me out aren't you?"

"How did you-"

"I mean after all this I figured you wanted some sort of revenge against Phoenix."

"I understand that you probably don't want to-"

"Miles relax, I'll help. I- genuinely like you too."

A sparkle appeared in the prosecutors eyes for a split second. Edgeworth gave a smile and looked away from Richard's gaze. The detective let out a soft laugh going back over to his boss, kissing him softly. Afterwards Miles is a blushing mess while Gumshoe smiled at his expression.

"I hope you don't regret this Miles," the taller one said and exited the room.

The gray-haired man cleaned himself up with the sink water. He went back to the table where Phoenix was finally eating his sushi. Larry's bowl was empty, he probably ate it all. Miles took a small bite of his and pushed it away. Wright saw this and made eye contact with his friend.

"My sushi is cold. Richard, is yours still warm?" Edgeworth said.

"Mine is yes, want a little bit?" Gumshoe questioned.

"Yes please."

Both shared his sushi while Maya was snapping photos. She has a new ship now, hopefully Pearl will be off her back. Phoenix didn't like how they were acting so close. Was he jealous? No way! He couldn't be. The other one with black hair noticed Wright's gaze, then locking his lips with Edgeworth.

After dinner they all exited the restaurant. Most of them were calling for rides. Phoenix turned around to gaze at his friend.

"Miles can we talk?" He asked.

"I don't know Wright. You tell me," Edgeworth replied.

Gumshoe and the prosecutor got into a cab, driving off. Maya got a ride back to her mountain from someone else. Larry and Phoenix were the last one's.

"I have one thing to tell you Nick," Larry started.

"Huh?" Wright replied.

"You messed up."

With that Larry walked away, leaving the spiky haired individual alone. Phoenix stood there clueless of what to do.

"Did I mess up?" He asked himself.

---------------------------------