#every time i’ve done something to keep myself on this earth i have been told i’m being so selfish

[angelstrawbabie420]

felt

[theatreslave]

An Idea

A small love letter to @snamioneprompts i have no idea which of your prompts set me off but here is a little drabble.

“Minerva!” Severus yelled as he burst through the Headmistress's office door.

“Severus, what the hell are you screaming about?” Minerva folded her hands on her desk, looking expectantly at her Potions Professor.

“Obliviate me this instant!”

“What on earth are you saying boy?!”

“I must be insane!”

“Well yes, I can agree if you’re going to keep running around without an explanation” She sighed and continued writing her missive.

“I have done something terrible.” The dark man slouched into the armchair across from her desk.

“What have you done that is so terrible?” She sighed, resigned to listen to the dramatic antics of the ex-spy.

“I have found myself attracted to her!” He covered his face with his hands.

“Attracted to who?” Minerva asked although she already knew.

“PROFESSOR GRANGER! OBLIVIATE ME NOW MINERVA!” Severus stood up looking crazed.

Minerva chuckled and went back to her writing, “I will do no such thing. Severus, what is so wrong about Hermione?”

He looked at her offended, “Professor Granger was my student, is my colleague, and she’s an insufferable little swot and bane of my existence!”

“Hermione is a full-grown woman, has been your colleague for nearly as long as you were her professor, and you are also a swot and the bane of my existence!” She shot back.

“You cannot approve of this?!”

“Yes I do!”

“What on earth for???”

“Because Hermione will be thrilled when she finds out the man she has been pining after for 5 years actually sees her as a woman instead of the annoying insect she thinks she is to you.”

Severus was speechless, before stuttering out, “....I don’t think she’s an insect.”

“Well obviously, I’ve seen you stare at her arse whenever she wears muggle jeans and the way you wax poetic about her hair when you’ve had too much of my scotch.” Minerve looked at him with mirth in her eyes.

“I have done no such thing!”

“Severus there is nothing wrong with being attracted to a beautiful, smart, and brave young woman. Especially when she has felt the same for you for a very long time.”

"That is absurd," He replied automatically, but she could see the gears in his mind working as he met her eye again,“She has?”

“Did you forget how she tormented Ms. Genevieve Hartman?”

His brows furrowed as he recalled, “Last year’s astronomy professor?”

“Yes, the one who kept throwing herself at you.” Minerva rolled her eyes,

“Hardly”

“Don’t be daft Severus. You enjoyed the attention even if you didn’t return her sentiments. But did you forget how much Hermione disliked her? Hermione has the utmost respect for professors of any subject, you and I well know. But she wanted to hex the daylights out of the woman any time she came near you. Who do you think enchanted the mistletoe to pair her with filch 7 times?”

“I-I…”

Minerva laid her quill down and gestured for him to sit, “Well it’s as good a time as any to tell you this. Hermione has given me notice that the end of this school year is the end of her career here at Hogwarts. She has received a position at Beauxbatons and told me that she cannot keep pining after someone who will never want her.”

“What!”

“I truly don’t understand why you have rejected her so many times.”

“REJECTED HER? WHEN DID I REJECT HER?”

“Everytime she asks you to walk rounds with her, or chaperone hogsmeade, or go to dinner at the Three Broomsticks, or when she wants to sit with you at quidditch matches, or how she always tries to get you to dance with her at the balls. Hell she even enchanted one of the mistletoe to follow her around at the last yule ball so that she might catch you under it and you blasted it every single time.”

His mouth dropped open and closed and open like fish gone dumb. He muttered, “You can’t be serious.”

“You’re lucky I haven’t hexed you to hell and back for putting my cub through this.” She looked at him sternly.

“I never knew.” His voice was sincere and full of surprise.

“Well you should go tell her." She smirked to herself as she recalled her meeting before Severus had barged in, "Angelo was looking for her earlier with a bouquet of flowers he picked for her.”

“Whilmire? The DADA professor?”

“Yes, he’s been quite taken with her but noticed her infatuation with you. But since you haven’t shown any reaction to her advances he wanted to show Hermione his own attraction to her.”

“Where are they?”

“I believe Hermione was walking around the Black Lake. He should be reaching her right about now.”

“I have to go.” With that he rushed out of the Headmistress's office.

With a great sigh and a soft smile she muttered. “Stupid man.”

[spankingwishes2]

Covering for Sophie

After my first year of junior college, I’m checking out universities I might attend at the end of this year - and Sophie is travelling with me.  Some town I’m likely never to return to is the perfect place for fun!  At the same time, Sophie has been telling me that getting a good spanking ‘would be good for my soul’ (our mom spanks her, it seems like all the time!) and when we stay with someone who might be ‘suitable’ (I’ve ruled out Mom and Grandma), I consider getting one.

Mrs. B is, of course, a friend of Mom’s from way back - not someone I know personally, I’d say.  So when we stayed with her I thought she might be a good choice.

“We’ll do what we want, and I’ll get caught, and we’ll both say you had nothing to do with it,” I suggested.  “God knows you’ve been spanked plenty of times when I should have been right there with you.”

“I can do that,” Sophie agreed.  “Plus, it’ll be for something minor, right?”  I have a lot of major misbehaviors that I am hesitant to just toss out there and get punished for.

“Flashing?” I suggested.  Sophie can never resist flashing.  “You can get spanked later, after we’ve done some more.”  We had lots of places we planned to visit before I made a choice - and after a certain amount of ‘misbehavior’, Sophie always wants to be brought back down to earth.

“Okay - what, with pictures?”

“You can keep mine on your phone and then show Mrs. B some of the campus… and ‘accidentally’ scroll too far.  I’ll put yours on the cloud.”

Sophie giggled.  This was a go.

***

“What in the world were you thinking, Lauren?” Mrs. B thundered at me.

“I don’t know… just… fun…” I said, trying to sound contrite, my heart beating a mile a minute.

“Mom would take a hairbrush to her,” Sophie volunteered for me!

“Please don’t tell her…” I whined.

“And why did you take the picture, Sophie?”

“I asked her to,” I claimed - which I suppose was true.  “You know, part of the… fun.”

“Your mom is right - you need a dose of the hairbrush!”

“Please don’t tell her!  I don’t deserve two!” I said bravely, basically asking her to do it.  It was exciting - but scary!

“I guess…” Mrs. B said dubiously.  “Get in here - both of you!” she told us, pointing to the bedroom.  “Sophie, just in case you were thinking this was a good idea… well, just watch.

“And Lauren, get out of that dress!”

A second later her mouth dropped as I threw the dress over my head - I had nothing underneath. 

Whatever hesitation or sympathy she had for me vaporized and I couldn’t believe how fast she moved!  In seconds she had a big heavy hairbrush in hand, chair set, dragging me in and leg-locked over one knee!

“You - young lady - are going to find out - that just because you’re away from home - you cannot do - whatever you please!” she lectured as she walloped my bottom!  She had nothing in mind apart from hard fast swats to the lower part of my bottom, start, to (apparently) finish!

“You will - still - act like - the proper - young lady - your mother raised!”  God, that hairbrush hurt!  And if I didn’t keep my arms straight, she spanked even lower - which was worse!

I think poor Sophie was in tears almost before I was!

“I - won’t tell - your mother - but - I will - see that - you get - every spank you - have coming to you!”

I could tell she was breathing hard but she wasn’t letting up.  She just stopped scolding to focus on spanking - and ‘focus’ she did!

***

That very night Sophie asked if I thought the spanking had done me good.

“Ask me in a week,” I said.  But even at bedtime, lying on my stomach (and my hand (blush)) I thought about the whole idea of being spanked like that by some omniscient ‘watched’ who knew when I’d done wrong!  (No, not Santa Claus… or, not necessarily Santa Claus.)  Do wrong - spanking.  Do wrong when I know it’s wrong - double spanking!  Yikes!

I didn’t have the privacy that night to enjoy myself properly, but I knew that once I was home I’d look back on this with intense excitement - and time, so far, has proven me right!

Sophie and I have dozens of campuses to visit - she may be thinking about grad school - and while I don’t know how often we’ll have someone to stay with - or how often it could go as seamlessly as this time - it could just happen again!  And next time I’ll see that Sophie gets spanked as well!

[heartofwritiing]

English is not my first language so sorry

YOU'RE WRITING FOR JACK RUSSELL😭😭. Can i ask for something where the full moon is coming and Jack is afraid to scare the reader?, please😭

Full Moon

parning: Jack Russell (werewolf by night) x fem!reader

a/n: YES I CAN SWEET ANON, this sounds like such a cute idea I hope you like what i’ve done! this doesn’t take place during the special!!

Warnings: I mean if you haven’t watched werewolf by night don’t read this go watch it!! fluff, unedited!

Jack paced around his bedroom biting at his thumb in thought. You had noticed for the past two days Jack had been acting strange around you. You had only known him for a few months prior to getting together after he timidly asked you on a date, but this was the first time you had been staying over at his place.

Jack hadn’t told you, how could he, he wasn’t sure how’d you react to what he was and he didn’t want to scare you away. He had never gotten this far into a relationship with someone, and he knew you were special and he couldn’t risk losing you.

After you went to bed early Jack left before you realized and were sound asleep. The following day you woke in his empty bed, you noticed his side wasn't even messy so you got up and searched the house. You looked in every possible place but he was nowhere to be found. It wasn't until you heard the door open and saw him walk through that relief washed over you.

It concerned you that he just disappeared without saying anything, but he apologized profusely to you. You forgave him of course, knowing he likely had a good excuse for it.

You sat with your legs crossed on the bed watching Jack's movements, he had told you there was something important he wanted to tell you. You knew it was something serious by the way he looked at you earlier with his eyes showing some underlying emotion, you knew now it was vulnerability. So you sat down and were waiting for him to open up to you.

He knew he could tell you anything, he trusted you completely now but he was just too nervous about this.

"Jack," you started. "Whatever it is, you don't have to tell me anything, it can wait until you're ready."

Jack finally meets your eyes and stops his pacing. He smiles warmly at you and walks over to you, taking your hands in his he kneels down in front of you.

"I know mi corazon, I know," he brings your knuckles up to his lips and places a kiss there.

"This is important, you have to know these things about me," he says solely. "I just don't want to scare you mi amour."

You take your right hand out of his grasp and bring it up to his cheek to trace his jawline, you can feel his slight stubble scratching your thumb.

"It's okay," you coo.

He lays his head on your lap sighing in almost defeat. The look you just gave him, ugh, full of so much endearment he swore he could die happy staring into your eyes. He groans and buries his head in your lap.

"You don't make this anymore easy amour," his voice muffled.

You giggle as you pet his hair. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." he sits up again. "I'm just gonna tell you."

He takes a deep breath.

"Every month, once a month I change." he inhales again. "And on that night I become something I am not which you see before you, I become a beast. I'm not myself anymore when this happens I become an animal, a hunter."

The whole time he speaks you keep your face neutral so he can't really tell how you're taking this news.

"I turn into.... a werewolf."

You blink back at him a little stunned at all this but it doesn't shock you too much. in a world in which superheroes run around defending the earth from aliens, you wouldn't be surprised if every mith was real.

Jack tries to search your face for your reaction but your eyes scan elsewhere, He tilts his head at you.

"Mi amour?" he asks.

You look back at him and squeeze his hands. "Sorry,"

"I know it's a lot to process, and I've tried so many times to tell you I've just never found the right moment or words," he admits.

"Is this why you left yesterday? because of the full moon?"

he nods. You still couldn't believe your boyfriend was a werewolf, But it didn't freak you out at all was the strangest thing. A comfortable silence fills the air as you gather your remaining thoughts.

"Why didn't you just tell me Jack?" you asked.

"I was scared to tell you, I didn't want to freak you out or anything," he admits.

Your heart aches thinking that he couldn't trust you enough with his secret, but you understood his fear behind the uncertainty of how you would react to this news. You were trying to be as calm as possible for his benefit, you never wanted to make him feel unsafe.

"Next time please come to me about these things," you say sincerely. "you can trust me."

You bring your arms around his back into a tight embrace, and he holds you like he's never going to let you go. He knew now more than ever before that he could trust you.

tags: @redheadspark @a-lumos-in-the-nox @skywalkersapologist @wacky-nerdchick @countlessimagines @nicolewithanee @starfirette @pandalandalopalis @michel-9 @creedtheconquer @user-jongdae @steve-harringtons-slut @charlie-heatons-whxre @emiemiemiii tagged some of you all who liked my other Jack fic and gave me suggestions for things! If you don’t want to be tagged in any future stuff please let me know!

[thecooler]

Magnetar

You are a mature student at the University of Ooo. You tell people that you resent the term mature student, because, in your own words, it makes you sound like an “old fart.” People respond by telling you that your whole everything makes you sound like an old fart.

Fandom: Adventure Time

Pairing: Simon/Betty

Additional Tags: POV First Person, POV Second Person, Grief/Mourning, Alternate Universes

Word Count: 3,368

AO3 Mirror

Simon Petrikov

You are a mature student at the University of Ooo. You tell people that you resent the term mature student, because, in your own words, it makes you sound like an “old fart.” People respond by telling you that your whole everything makes you sound like an old fart. Regardless of your linguistic preferences, though, you, Simon Petrikov, are living in a college dorm about thirty years and change after you last expected to be.

It’s just you in the room. Last time you were in dorms, you had this wad of a roommate named David, who left his laundry on your side of the room and ate your ramen packets without asking. You’d often told your fiancée, Betty, about David. She always giggled at the disdainful lilt your voice would take when you said his name— David, like you might say the name of your least favorite grade school teacher, or your weirdest ex. David wasn’t your weirdest ex, though, that was a different guy, though his name was also David, which Betty always had a good laugh over the first time you told her.

Betty is coming over later tonight, after you’re done with classes. You love her very much. You’ve been seeing each other for what feels like forever.

You pull a pair of matched socks out of your drawers and slide them on, then adjust your bow tie. You look in the mirror, and for a moment, you see a flash of blue. You blink, and find it’s just yourself staring back. Your hair’s started to grey. Betty thinks it looks good on you.

Betty Grof

The school library has always been something of a safe haven for me. In elementary school, being weird meant that I didn’t keep friends for long, and the librarians were always terribly fond of me. They’d give me little tasks to do, like wiping down tables with a cloth or putting a book or two back if I was good. I relished in these small favors. I’ve always yearned to be useful.

In high school, I managed to make friends, because high school is when people who are ahead of the game realize that being weird and being cool are basically synonyms. And some people still give you grief, but when you have friends, it’s a hell of a lot easier to ignore those people. I didn’t need to spend time in the library, then, to avoid my own loneliness. But I returned anyway, because I found the scent of books and the old, dusty carpet in my hometown’s old library to be a comfort. When I turned sixteen, the director of the library took pity on me and gave me a job. By the time I made my way to University, I was already well on my way to building myself a decent resume.

I don’t remember how I got this particular gig, and it doesn’t really matter.

All that matters is that in this life, this is the library where I met Simon Petrikov.

He’s inevitable, a cosmic force that I feel myself drawn to in every universe. He was a bit older, when I met him here, in his first semester. He was looking for an old volume from Kant. He’s always stubborn— he paced around for a good hour before he asked me for help. When he did, I looked at him and smiled and said, “Are you saying you kant find it?” and he’d laughed way more than the joke called for. He always laughs like that at my jokes, like he thinks I’m the most brilliant person to ever walk the earth. Like he’s never once looked in a mirror.

Simon Petrikov

Your first class is at eight am and all the way across campus. You often joke about how it’s fine, because you could use the cardio and the regular sleep schedule. But you always end up leaving ten minutes late if no one’s pushing you out the door, and you don’t think you’ve ever once jogged willingly in your life. You walk at a regular pace across campus, and you’ll get there when you get there. You don’t usually miss much in the first five minutes anyway, though you don’t love the glare your professor shoots you when you creak open the old, heavy wood door.

You sit in your usual spot and listen to the lecture, but it all sort of starts to blend together. You’re suddenly quite tired, and you can feel your eyelids drooping when shuffling starts around you. With a start, you realize it’s time to head to your next class. You blink and stand up suddenly, stumbling when vertigo gets the better of you. A young man you don’t recognize rests a steadying hand on your shoulder and says, “Come on, Simon, I’ve got you,” and his blue eyes look rather sad.

He’s young, you think, too young to be here, until he’s not. You blink, and he has a beard and a chest tattoo peeking out from under the collar of his tank top. You swear that wasn’t there before. “Simon?” he says again, his brow furrowing. You don’t remember telling him your name.

You look at this young man, and you find yourself at a loss for words. You recognize in his gaze a familiar sense of prolonged grief. You’ve never met him, but somehow you think you’ve known him your whole life, or at least his.

“Are you okay, man?”

You nod, slowly, and it doesn’t seem to convince him. “Betty’s coming over tonight,” you say, “I must have  gotten distracted thinking about it.”

Betty Grof

Once, when we were a lot younger, and before the crown changed everything, Simon and I went hiking together. Usually, when we went on excursions, they were meticulously planned. He had every step of our journey plotted out on a spreadsheet or a numbered list, the creation of which was usually his favorite part of the whole thing. Which wasn’t to say he disliked the excursion— more so that he really liked making lists and spreadsheets.

But we’d gone without this time. I worried it was because I teased him about it, even though he knew it was good-natured, or at least I’m pretty sure he knew. I didn’t think he was actually upset, because Simon always wore his feelings on his sleeve, and when he was worried, he got this crease between his eyebrows. On such occasions, I’d kiss his cheeks until he relented and forgave me, for which I was declared a menace to society. So I don’t know exactly why he decided to forgo the spreadsheet this time, but he refused to make one, even when I tried to nudge him to in the hours before we left.

So we went off into the bush on the outskirts of Seattle, near a farm that some friend of Simon’s owned. We had two backpacks full of trail mix and a sleeping bag, but no tent, because Simon said that he’d been orienteering since he was old enough to walk, and he’d get us out of the bush before we needed to sleep.

Naturally, then, we did not make it out of the forest in time. Instead, we found a nice, open clearing, and we lay down on the grass together and looked at the stars. Simon was fidgeting with his shirt sleeves.

I said, “It’s really okay, Simon. You know I don’t mind a little roughin’ it,” and I waggled my eyebrows. It wasn’t really an innuendo, but I’d never been one to miss an opportunity for a double-entente, no matter how half-baked. I meant it, too. Laying under the stars next to the Simon Petrikov was basically a dream, even after five years of dating. I think it’d been five years. Time is different here, it’s hard to tell. Hard to remember how time moves for mortals.

He turned on his side and he looked at me. Back then, before Evergreen’s crown took root in his mind, his eyes were a deep, thoughtful brown. He said, “You would really tell me when I’ve got a bad idea?”

I turned over and smiled, “Would it stop you if I did?”

And he’d closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose, and breathed, “No.”

Above, the cosmos shone down, ambivalent to us. It would be hundreds of years yet until we tried to make it ours, and in doing so, fell apart.

Simon Petrikov

You walk to your next class with the unfamiliar old friend. He says he shares the class with you, though you don’t think he seems like the Anthropology type. He pats you on the shoulder and laughs at pretty much everything you say, even when you aren’t making a joke. This feels to you like condescension, but you can’t detect anything other than earnestness in the boy’s face. He looks to be in his early-to-mid twenties, but his eyes are much older.

Your daughter, Marceline, joins you. She has a guitar strapped to her back and you know from experience she isn’t above busting it out in class if she thinks it’ll make the situation funny. Her girlfriend, Bonnie, walks beside her. These are two more people you’ve known for impossibly long, and yet you struggle to pin down any specific memories associated with them. It’s as though your mind is a blank slate, with information slowly being accumulated atop it. Marceline doesn’t look like you, and you don’t think she looks like any of your exes, either. You wonder how the two of you met, then, but you know this is not something you can ask.

She looks back across the hall at you, and you abruptly realize that you’ve stopped walking. You’re staring at her, with her hand in Bonnie’s back pocket, and you feel light— happy. But you don’t have the context for these emotions. Your mind feels like an unorganized mess, as though a cosmic being has reached in and shuffled things around, removed some with the intent to put it back, only she forgot. And now nothing makes sense to you, even things that should be second nature.

Marceline’s brow furrows and her lips tug down into a frown. She presses her palm against the small of Bonnie’s back and whispers something to her, before walking back towards Simon while the other girl makes her way towards class. Somewhere along the way, the boy vanished, like as soon as he was out of your line of sight, he ceased to exist. You tense with the realization that the world around you feels more empty than it ought to be.

Marceline places a hand on your shoulder and meets your eyes. In the reflection of her deep brown irises, you see yourself with ragged white hair, and then one of you blinks, and it’s you again. “Simon,” she says carefully, biting her bottom lip and tapping a finger against your shoulder. She takes what feels like several minutes to decide what she’s going to say, though it can’t be more than thirty seconds.

“Is this about–?”

Betty Grof

There’s a reality where we got the crown (we get it in most of them, one way or another), but it wasn’t you who put it on. Simon took it out and came up behind me and popped it on my head. I remember hearing him say boop and start to laugh, and then the universe exploded around me. This, in my current state, says very little. It’s difficult for me to conceptualize what it would have felt like for my mortal brain, but I think that it was agony. It was, to my best approximation, something like having your skull split open, and then unceremoniously pouring the steaming hot knowledge of the cosmos inside.

Which is to say it was probably about as overwhelming for Simon as it was for me.

But when Simon put on the crown, in that first reality we endured together (for him. There is no first for me, nor a last, they are all as one, but it was the first reality my mortal flesh experiences, and so it is easier to describe it as the first) he only lost me. He thought, at the time, that the madness drove me away, and it took him a thousand years to learn the reality of the situation.

Perhaps it is a mercy, then, that in the reality where I don the crown first, I know immediately what happened to my Simon. The crown slips off my head, and I find him, body entombed in ice, save his head, which lolls lifeless and heavy to one side.

There’s more that happens after that, but I don’t stay long.

Simon Petrikov

Eventually, you’re able to convince Marceline that you’re quite alright, but maybe you could stand to eat soon. The two of you cut class, which makes you momentarily feel like a bit of a wild child. The University has a hall of student-run food outlets, and they vary from quite bad to decent. You are partial to the Greek-themed shop, because the chicken isn’t dry and you’ve always been a fan of tzatziki. You often keep a big tub of it in your fridge, when you aren’t living on campus.

You eat with Marceline, and she tells you that she and Bonnie are doing well, that she thinks Bonnie will graduate at the end of next semester but she’s probably going to take another year. She doesn’t mention what either of them are studying. You think that you should remember that. Why don’t you remember that? 

She asks you if you have any plans for tonight, and you tell her you have a date. Something tells you that you shouldn’t mention who it’s with, and she doesn’t pry, but she does give you a look that feels very sad, and you don’t like how it makes you feel.

Betty Grof

Simon always planned what we were going to do. While he did that, I managed time. Those sorts of things tended to get away from him. He’d get all wrapped up in research, in exploring every last inch of our ventures, and suddenly, he’d look up and it’d be night already. I always knew exactly what time it was. I learned to read the stars and the trajectory of the sun when I was young, and I’d always found comfort in the notion that no matter where I was in the world, I’d know when I was.

Now, time bends strangely around me, and there is equally no future to plan nor past to recall. Everything is happening, has happened, and will never happen. It is not something that my mortal mind was born to conceive of, though I suppose I’m well past that now.

I know all our realities, Simon. I know each of our beginnings and our ends. There are worlds where we die with our hands clasped together in the face of nuclear destruction. There are worlds where you go on without me, and others where I go on without you. There are realities where we linger together for decades, until the inevitability of death pulls us slowly and together into her arms. I spend more time than I should ruminating on these realities.

Simon Petrikov

Sometime after lunch, you end up back in your dorm room. You think you like it here, more so than you’ve liked a lot of your apartments. For one thing, you have easy access to a good library, though the University’s fiction section, as is often the case, leaves something to be desired. You have room for an armchair and a nice standing lamp. You often fall asleep in that chair, and your back does not thank you for it.

There will be none of that tonight, though, because again, you have a date.

You already look good— you always look good— but you like to dress up. Betty usually dresses comfortably, though she’ll put on her best if the situation calls for it, but a regular Friday evening date does not. She’ll be here in a sweater and slacks, and you’ll think she’s the most beautiful thing in the universe. You know, at this point, very little about the universe. You think you know quite a bit, but you’re mistaken. It’s better that way. Our mortal brains aren’t designed to comprehend such concepts. I would know.

Regardless of how good you currently look (very), you strip out of your blazer and button-down. Your tie is a clip-on, which you wouldn’t be caught dead with on a date. Betty doesn’t understand why it matters if they basically look the same, and doesn’t seem to get it no matter how many times you emphasize that it’s the principle of the matter. But that’s fine; you’re dressing up for you, and a little bit for Betty, but mostly for you.

In the end, you aren’t ready until two minutes before your date’s supposed to start. You’ve put on another nearly identical button-down which you insist is your nice one, as well as some nice black slacks and a matching suit jacket. Your tie is properly tied and not clipped on, like some sort of amateur. You fiddle with it in the mirror until you hear a knock on the door, right on time.

You glance away, and out of the corner of your eye, you once again see a flash of blue, but it’s gone when you whip your head back around. You inhale deeply, and exhale slowly through your nose.

I knock again.

You answer.

???

We’re in your dorm room. You’re looking at me, in that lovelorn way you always wore on date nights. It’s like warmth found a home in your eyes, like I can see the burning of your heart through them. You invite me inside and tell me you’ve put the kettle on for tea. You got the English breakfast tea I like.

We’re holding hands under the stars. The dewy grass seeps through clothing that’s too thin for the midnight chill as we sleep under the cold and unforgiving night sky. We’ll survive, but our aging bodies won’t thank us, and when we develop colds a week from now, we know who to blame.

We’re old together. Wrinkles tug at your face in a way I think is terribly handsome, but which you often fuss over. Day by day, simple things grow harder, and when your eyesight starts to go, you cup my face in your hands and whisper, “I don’t know what I’ll do if I can’t see your beautiful face.” I reassure you that you have lived without the sight before and will again, but this doesn’t soothe you. I wish it would.

We’re a thousand years beyond a time we should have ever been allowed to live, and I’m sacrificing my mind to restore yours. I never have a single doubt that you would do the same.

I know now that this is true, I’ve seen it come to fruition, in another life.

The bomb goes off while we lay, hand in hand.

You die cradled in my arms.

We’re in the dorm again, and you’re looking at me with an expression I cannot comprehend. I’ve known you for countless lifetimes, and yet there are still times where you perplex me.

“I don’t know where you end,” I say, and without missing a beat, you return, “I don’t know where I begin.”

Our realities, everything we are, is a web of entanglement from which neither of us can escape, no matter how powerful we become. My end is your beginning, my beginning your end, and everything in between those times, folding in upon each other in an incomprehensible cacophony of misery. I know all, and yet, at times even I struggle to understand it.

You are there, and then you are not.

I can always reach you, in a way, if I so choose. But we will never be as we once were. I know too much now.

Were I capable, I would weep for the loss.

[stumblingoverchaos]

Being some recs for fics set after Good Omens S2

Tether Ginger_Cat, Words: 44,562 Aziraphale, Supreme Archangel of the Heavenly Host, is just minding his own business. Really. It's not like he's trying to get summoned to Earth during highly important archangelic duties. And Crowley's not trying to summon him, he swears, but somehow it still keeps happening... Now, if they could only figure out why?

We Can't Keep Meeting Like This Ginger_Cat, Words: 65,450 Once a year, Aziraphale and Crowley meet on Earth to discuss the development of the reincarnated Christ child. The problem is, they can't stop having sex instead.

What You Leave Behind (or, A.J. Crowley, Bookseller Extrodinaire) chubbytransboi, Words: 50,733 “Are you a bookseller too?” “Not even at gunpoint.” After The Promotion, Crowley finds himself as the proprietor of A.Z. Fell and Co. (Emphasis on the ‘Co.’) Or: new jobs, new friends, and new ways of healing. And a LOT of sticky notes.

of truth, of light, of good sideraclara, Words: 75,179 Crowley will save Earth alone if he has to.

Factory Settings Anonymous, Words: 106,998 Crowley gets reinstated as an angel.

and though i burn, how could i fall? (when i am lifted by every word you say to me) shadoweddepths, Words: 24,699 Five times Aziraphale and Crowley argue, and the one time they don't.

But You, My Dear, Are An Ocean megzseattle, Words: 76,895 After Aziraphale's defection, Crowley tries to figure out how to live life for himself.

don't let this darkness fool you mygalfriday (BrinneyFriday), Words: 23,887 Lurching to his feet, Crowley stumbles through his flat in the dark – tripping over empty whiskey bottles and clothes he’d stripped out of and never bothered to pick up again. Heart pounding, he throws open the door. And the bottom drops abruptly out from beneath him. It feels like falling all over again – except from so much higher up than he’d ever been the first time. This is worse. This is so much worse because it isn’t him. It’s Aziraphale.

Endless, Numbered contritecactite, Words: 48,244 Crowley knows where he's not wanted—or, rather, where he was wanted but didn't want to go and is now no longer wanted—so he takes off until he finds a place that doesn't matter. Yet. It starts to matter quite a bit just around the time that Muriel reaches out to him about a book in Aziraphale's old shop that doesn't seem to be acting quite right. A medium-burn sort-of fix-it told partially through Aziraphale's recent diary entries in which nothing terribly dramatic happens because they've had enough of that.

freshly disowned in some frozen devotion (no more alone or myself could i be) shadoweddepths, Words: 22,379 Aziraphale rejects the Metatron's offer and chooses Crowley instead. Crowley helps him through the aftermath.

mourning doves`` sleepyimpulse, Words: 22,686 “I’m sorry,” he registered himself saying between heaving sobs. “I’m so sorry, Crowley, I’m so sorry. Forgive me, please, please forgive me.” He hadn’t meant to say it like that, he knew the words were all wrong (he would never find the right ones). But the pain was coming at him in every direction and something, something had to give, and so he clung to Crowley like a life preserver. Crowley bent his body over Aziraphale’s and slowly, surely, pressed a kiss to his bloodied forehead. “I can’t,” he whispered, and Aziraphale went unconscious.

pieces of you blackeyedblonde, Words: 18,348 “Crowley,” Aziraphale whispers, hand mindlessly grappling for the golden clasp secured at his throat. “What have you done?” “What I’ve always wanted,” Crowley says flatly, clutching the baby close against his bare chest. “You made your choice, angel. And I made a few of my own.” “Whose,” Aziraphale starts to say, and then can’t speak for a moment while something visceral moves through him. “Whose child are they? Other than yours, I mean.” “Look at her for yourself,” Crowley says, drawing his dark wing up just enough that Aziraphale can gaze at the newborn without feathers blocking the lamplight glowing behind them. “You haven’t even been gone for a year—don’t tell me you suddenly can’t recognize one of your own.”

Touch my Tears with Your Lips IneffableDoll, Words: 27,217 The emptiness of Heaven is punishment itself, a torture for a very Earthly angel. He has no power. The Metatron lied to him. Crowley is somewhere else. Aziraphale is alone. When he eventually escapes back to Earth – where he belongs – Aziraphale and Crowley have a lot to work through, even after averting the Second Coming, a renewed attempt at taking away all they hold dear. They need to be gentle with each other’s fragile, fractured hearts and together, figure out how to love one another the way they’ve long wished to. A story of trauma, healing, and love. So, so much love.

Light the Corners of my Mind cyankelpie, Words: 25,897 Aziraphale, thirty-eighth order scrivener—at least, that's who they told him he was—wakes up from some perfectly normal memory loss to find a cryptic note written on his hand. The further he goes in his search for answers, the more questions he has. Will he ever learn why he was demoted to a desk job? Or how he'd managed to collect enough books to open a bookshop? Or why that familiar red-haired demon on Earth seems to be avoiding him?

Devotion, grace and other small miracles Chrissy22, Words: 4,343 Seven months after the events of Season 2, Crowley gets a phone call from a panicking Muriel.

journeys end in lovers' meeting terpsichorean, Words: 48,137 With the Second Coming averted and Aziraphale back on Earth, all Crowley wanted was a return to the way things used to be, before he confessed his feelings and kissed his best friend in what may be the most unsuccessful love confession of all time. In an effort to cheer an equally miserable Aziraphale, the two of them leave London to attend a murder mystery party in an old country estate. But things quickly go wrong and someone ends up dead. It's up to Aziraphale and Crowley to save the other guests from whatever dangers lurk within the manor. And maybe, Crowley will gather the courage to ask the one question he’s not sure he wants answered: why did Aziraphale come back?

nebula 231080 starklystar, Words: 33,710 Philosophers liked to pose the question, observation against perception: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Aziraphale would argue that sound was something witnessed, and Crowley would argue that if sound had to be witnessed, then why was virtue unwitnessed a nobler thing? But first, Crowley would point out that he himself had fallen, alone and without witness, and it had bloody fucking hurt.

I'm the treasure baby, I'm the prize stereobone, Words: 9,405 "Are you working for Mrs. Sandwich?" Nina asks. "No," Crowley says. "Well, yes. Well, define 'working'."

[lexusiswriting]

A love you deserve (Ricky Olson) - Part 18 of ?

Hi guys! <3

Long time, no see. Sorry for keeping you waiting for so long. I had a rough time when things did not go how I wanted it and I couldn't bring myself to write anything. Now I'm better and I hope you'll like this part :)

Warnings: language.

Tags:@multifandomcrackhead, @nicelittlenightmares, @roll-tide-babe89, @skulliecadaver-blog, @21-century-tae, @melissa-anderson, @abiomens, @w743, @insanitywulf, @awkwardalex, @philomenie, @kaite1996, @coc41nn, @xxsparklezzzxx, @shilohrosechicken, @k-pop-luv04, @mariemarquess1989, @imralxmerve, @zombiedixon89, @vinyardmauro, @imralmervex, @xslavicprincess, @black-damask1999

Requests: OPEN.

_______________________________________________

While still being sleepy, I was moving my hand to find Blair. A wave of panic ran through me when I realized she wasn’t there. For a second I even forgot I was in a hotel and not in my house. At that moment I was fully awake, going into every room to find my baby. The image I saw when I opened the kitchen door made my heart melt completely. Blair was sitting at the table with her favourite toy in her arms, while Ricky was feeding her pancakes.

“It’s not cool eating without me.”

They both had their eyes on me, and I couldn’t tell who had the biggest smile.

“Good morning, my love. You needed to rest more than ever. How do you feel?”

“I’m good, I think. I panicked a little when I couldn’t find Blair next to me.”

“Sorry about that, but the little princess was hungry.”

After eating, she went straight to the other room to play with the rest of her toys. I wanted to have her around me as much as possible, but right now I wanted to find out more about Ricky’s plan, and it wasn’t good for her to hear something.

“I feel like I’ve been waiting forever for you to give me more details. Can you tell me now, please?”

“Not yet, love. But very soon. How about you get ready, I’ll get myself and Blair ready, and then we’ll go to a really nice place?”

“Ugh, fine. But this is not helping me at all.”

He took my face in his hands, looked me in the eyes, and kissed me for reassurance. Something to make me feel better and not forget that I don’t have to fight alone anymore.

_________________________________________

After a drive of about 30 minutes, in which Ricky said nothing about this “really nice place”, we arrived in a heaven like place. We were surrounded by big trees that had little white flowers in them and we could see a lake in the distance that had the clearest water I had ever seen. It was so peaceful and quiet that I felt how every fear I had was vanishing in the air.

“I discovered this place yesterday and I knew I had to take you both to see it.”

While I had Blair in my arms, taking the beautiful view in, Ricky got a picnic basket out from the car. He really had everything planned apparently. After he put everything in place, we sat down, watching Blair running around, discovering every possible piece of this place.

“Yesterday while I sat here, I was thinking about everything that happened between us. We’ve been through some things, not really nice ones, but I’m so happy we are here now, together.”

“How so? I thought we left those things behind us.”

“Of course we did, it was not in a bad way, believe me. But after you told me what Corey intends to do, it made me realize some things.”

“And what did you realize exactly?”

“That even though I was really dumb in the past, now I consider myself the luckiest man on earth. I had moments when I thought, “what if we stayed together and Corey was never in the picture”? But I still won’t have it any other way, knowing that Blair wouldn’t have been here with us today. I don’t care she is not biologically mine, I still consider her my daughter.”

My eyes were full of tears while he had his little speech. By the time it was done, they were running down my cheeks. I never told him how many moments I had thought that maybe one day he would be gone, thinking that he didn’t fit in this picture. He never did anything to lead me in this direction, but my fear was present nevertheless.

“Ricky, you have no idea how happy you make me and Blair too. It was always you, and I was sure of that from the beginning. We both are lucky to have you in our lives.”

He took me in his arms, kissing my forehead. His hand was running down my back, trying to stop my tears from falling.

“Now it’s the time to tell you about my plan. And you’ll understand why I had to wait.”

“Alright, what is it?”

“So Corey said his reason for taking Blair is that I live with you both, right?”

“Yes. He made it seem like you are a stranger, not my boyfriend.”

“Well, if that it’s his problem, we will have to change some things to show the court it’s not what he thinks.”

To say I was confused was a misunderstanding. A little wave of panic ran through me as I thought he wanted to move out of the house. I was so used already having him around that I couldn’t take this idea even as an option.

“You are staying with us. Moving is not a solution to this problem.”

“Moving? I was not talking about that.”

“Then what? I don’t understand.”

“I have just one more thing to add. If you don’t agree with this plan, I will completely understand.”

“Just tell me, please. I’m so confused, I don’t have any idea what you are trying to do.”

“I’m trying to show you how much I love you, Lexus. That you and Blair are my world, and I’ll do anything to keep you both safe.”

He moved a little, so now he was standing right in front of me. His hand reached his pocket and got a little box out of it. When he opened it, I saw the most perfect and beautiful ring.

“Lexus, my love. Will you marry me?”

[purity-the-one]

The Joining of Another

OOC: This is Part Two of "The Fall of Purity and Pyxis", so please go read that first before coming here if you'd like context. Otherwise, feel free to continue!

TW: Angst, Religious Themes, mentions of death

Purity gulped and nodded, calming down their nerves. Their voice mostly returned to its mono-tone state, but there was still an edge of nervousness and concern as they spoke. “Alanixians weren’t always so… uniform as I made them. We used to be a species of hunters and predators. In our planetary system, we were essentially top of the food chain. We didn’t think any better of it, just running off of animalistic urges. Some of us weren’t as blood-thirsty, it was quenchable with enough hunting or affection surprisingly enough. What is it that you call them… canines… dogs yes. We could be trained like dogs. But there were still a handful of those that called themselves the “higher Alanixians”. Both Thirteenth and I are a part of the true Higher Alanixians. And we are the only two. The others who brandished themselves as “higher Alanixians” were simply ones who wanted to keep the bloodshed, the violence. In the three thousand and eight hundred years that I ruled, there had only been twelve to stray from my teachings of purity, unity, and grace. However, Unity and Grace changed their titles to Serenity and Equality. Out of fear of us returning to our old ways, I had the twelve executed publicly, and Thirteenth was the last one we attempted to execute. I spread the word that the highest unity one could achieve as a pack of hunters, was to remain exactly the same. To brandish ourselves as a singularity. Only two didn’t fall for this, I brandished them as Gods despite being normal themselves. But the twelve who began to show emotion were not given chances. They were executed, as I am sure Pyxis told you.” Purity explained calmly, clearly not having any regret for their actions, they would still stand by what they’d done. “But if Pyxis is exhibiting these behaviors, it means that they will likely have these behaviors for the rest of time and space.”

“Okay, so obviously you don’t believe people can change. Isn’t that fucking great. You know, you’re going to blend in just great with a specific group of people here on Earth, and that isn’t a compliment.” Scraps huffed, still holding Pyxis in his lap as he returned the pendant back around their neck, running his hands through their matted and knotted hair. “News flash, Purity. It isn’t all black and white. Which is exactly why the Ruby Suns were created. We’ve been having Alanixians flooding here either to get revenge on Pyxis, or to join the Ruby Suns. We are two-hundred strong now. And you called me high priest earlier. Unfortunately you’re correct.” He continued, shifting as he kept holding Pyxis in his arms, staring at the muzzle. “This isn’t a good look. Why are you here, Purity?” Scraps growled slightly, not exactly pleased with this whole situation. “Ruby Suns… I suppose that name will do. Let us say I’ve had a… change of heart. I no longer wish to make myself an enemy. I’d been hoping that the Thirteenth would be willing to accept my own change, but they attacked before I could speak. How is it that you’re controlling them like that, High Priest?” Purity still kept their distance, but seemed interested. “I’m not controlling jack shit. Maybe if you weren’t a fucking ass-wipe, Pyxis wouldn’t jump you every time you took a breath. They’re actually quite affectionate with others. This is… the first time I’ve seen them this bad. And I’ve seen a lot. Not that you need to know that though.” Scraps gruffed, his eyebrows furrowed. “And use my name. Names are celebrated on Earth. It’s Scraps.”

“High Priest is a title and a name, however if you so desire that I call you something, I suppose bug will do. Now then, bug, take me to your followers. These Ruby Suns.” Purity stood up, dusting off their clothes. “Fuck you and fuck no. I do what Pyxis says, not you. You want to be a part of them? You start as a member. Not as a God. You learn human nature, you learn to control your emotions, and you learn to be not a piece of shit. Then we can talk.” Scraps stood up, carrying Pyxis in his arms still. “Take it or leave it, Purity.” Purity blankly stared at Scraps, clearly not expecting the sass or any of what he’d said. But they didn’t argue as they stood back up. “If that is what it takes, very well then. I will be a part of the commons, bug. But the moment I can become a God again, you will be my High Priest as well.” “In your fucking dreams, Purity. Get out of those clothes.” He opened up his pouch and threw a set of clothes at Purity, a white and red plaid flannel, jeans, and a plain white undershirt. “How do you get the muzzle off?” Purity barely caught the clothes and stared at them before snapping their fingers and instantly changing into the clothes. “The muzzle? Oh, yes that will come off automatically once they’re no-longer blood-thirsty. It runs on their emotions. Once they’ve calmed down, it will disappear.” “Wow, you are a bitch. You better pray it does, otherwise Pyxis is going to cut off your head and play soccer with it. Now get the fuck out of my sight. I’ll find you in a few days. Go figure your shit out the hard way.” Scraps waved his hand and dismissed the other God, standing in the center of the gold stained ground. Purity silently blinked and turned on their heel, walking off in the opposite direction towards the road they’d come from, disappearing for the time being.

[anonymousinvisibility]

On Blocking in the RPC

My stance on this has varied a bit over the years.  When I first started this blog I was staunchly against blocking of any kind.  Gradually, as I opened myself up to others’ experiences I began to recognize that sometimes blocking is the best option, and sometimes it also makes more sense to do it without talking to the other person first.

For example, there’s absolutely no reason to message a stranger who’s blog/post/comment/etc. you didn’t like and tell them you disagree, so you’re blocking them.  In fact, regardless of the reason for blocking, if the person is someone you’ve never talked with or interacted with on any kind of personal level, then why on earth would you contact them before blocking?  Not only is it more trouble than it’s worth, it could potentially cause the other person undue stress, too.

Another situation where blocking without communication might happen is with someone you’ve been trying to interact with.  Maybe you’ve only talked once or twice, and you feel like they’re stonewalling you.  Maybe you’ve waited the last 6 months for a reply to a message while watching them RP with other people every day.  They’re not really a friend; there was never time for that connection to develop.  I could see blocking someone like that without talking to them first.  After all, you’ve tried talking to them and it hasn’t been working.  Even if the threat of you walking away made them suddenly more chatty, it probably wouldn’t last, and then you’d be right back where you started.

I can also fully understand blocking people who refuse to take ‘no’ for an answer.  Something has happened - you’ve had a falling out, or you’ve told them you want to drop their RPs - whatever it is, they won’t stop messaging you, or liking your posts, or doing whatever they can to keep their presence front and center on your blog.  Talking to a person like that isn’t going to do anything.  Again - you’ve tried talking before and it didn’t work.  There’s no reason to assume it will now.  So, you block without another word.

Finally, I can even understand blocking a partner without talking to them if you 100% KNOW they’re going to take it badly and get SUPER angry about it (based on previous first person accounts) and you don’t want to deal with the fallout.  Basically - you already know with certainty that talking will do more harm than good, so blocking and walking away is the only viable option.

What I can’t - and will NEVER understand - is the notion that it’s ‘okay’ to block someone who thought they were your friend without offering them a single word of explanation first.  The most common excuse I see for this behavior is usually something along the lines of, ‘Oh, well, I’m super anxious about things and blocking without telling them was just the easiest thing because of my anxiety.’  Do people not realize how shallow and selfish that sounds?  What you’re saying is ‘My emotions are more important than this other person’s, so I’m going to make them suffer so that I don’t have to.’

Doing that to someone you called a ‘friend’ tells them loud and clear, ‘I don’t care about you, and I’ve never cared about you; my comfort will always be more important than yours.”  You don’t do that to friends - to people you care about.  Not if you REALLY care about them.  From where I sit, it takes a very cold and callous person to call someone a friend, and then turn around and ghost them like that - acting like it’s ‘normal’ and you haven’t done anything wrong.  And if the person you hurt has the ‘gall’ to try and say something?  Suddenly, you act all affronted and ‘victimized.’  

When I talk about how it’s not okay to block people, these are the people I’m talking to.  These ‘OMG!  I’m the victim here!  How dare you tell people how much I hurt you!  My anxiety is WAY more important than your feelings!’ people - they’re the ones I try to keep as far away from me and my blogs as possible.  People who are willing to consistently cause emotional harm to others (and then bray about how they haven’t really hurt anyone and people just need to ‘get over it’) aren’t people I ever want in my life.  

[trikruismybitch]

Angst Prompts

* “Imagine the worst things you think about yourself. Now how would you feel when the one person you trusted most in the world, not only thinks them too, but actually used them as reasons not to be with you.”

* “I know I’ve hurt you, but I still love you” “Well, excuse me if I don’t fall for that or you ever again.”

* "well at least she treats me like im somebody!" "Yeah will she love you if you were nobody!?" "Nobody loved me when i was nobody!" "i did"

* “Does she make you laugh?” “She doesn’t make me cry”

* “I feel like I’m in the wrong world. ‘Cause I don’t belong in a world where we don’t end up together. I don’t..there are parallel universes out there where this didn’t happen. Where I was with you, and you were with me. And whatever universe that is, that’s the one my heart lives in.”

* “You took a piece of me, and I let you. And that will never happen again.”

* “The worst thing I ever did. The darkest thought I ever had. You said you would stand by me through anything. This Y/n is anything” “I never thought that the worst thing you’d ever do, would be to me.”

* “You and I loved each other. And then you broke me heart.”

* “I can’t keep being your second choice. Not when your my first.”

* “Oh this is nothing” “You’ve had worse” “Have you ever loved someone that didn’t love you back?”

* “All I’ve ever wanted to be is loved.”

* “My mother thought I was a monster, she was right, of course, but it still hurt.”

* “I love you” “then prove it”

* “She’s not worth it” “yeah she is”

* “I wish I had done everything on earth with you.”

* “I wish I knew how to quit you.”

* “But the hearts not like a box that gets filled up, it expands the more you love.”

* “I would rather die tomorrow, then live a hundred years without you.”

* “Your so stupid (name)! Why did you do that! Why?” “You jump I jump right?”

* “Can’t you see? Every step I have taken, since I was that child on a bridge, has been to bring myself a step closer to you.”

* “I’m also just a girl standing in-front of (gender), asking (gender) to love her.”

* “You were my new dream” “And you were mine”

* “This, this part of you, don’t destroy it.”

* “I don’t want to be worshipped I want to be loved.”

* “And the last thing you will ever see will be me because I love you.”

* “You stole what was left of my heart and now I have lost you forever. I swear, no harm will come to you as long as I live. And not a day shall past, that I don’t miss your smile.”

* “Because I want you! All of you. forever.”

* “You can rest now.”

* “You have your mothers eyes.”

* “I waited for you for seven years, and now it’s too late.”

* “All of you, liars. You’re only happy when you can see something die.”

* “But I am, so lonely.”

* “(Name)? (Name) come on, you got to get up.”

* “I will never let go, I promise.”

* “Take her to the moon for me.”

* “Don’t put me in the dark. I’m afraid of the dark.”

* “Stop crying.”

* “Loneliness has followed me my whole life, everywhere.”

* “You still go to bed every night, going over every detail, and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood.”

* “Well I am fine, I will be fine, really.”

* “You are the saddest girl I’ve ever met” “your the first person who has ever said that. I am usually told how happy I am.”

* “I want to be great or nothing.”

* “And all the while, I feel I am, standing in a crowded room screaming at the top of my lungs and no one even looks up.”

* “I don’t know that I find myself anywhere.”

* “Trust is for fool. Fear is the only reliable way.”

* “Most of the time, most days I feel nothing. I don’t feel anything. It is so boring, I wake up and I think, again? Really? I have to do this again?”

* “If your going to let one stupid prick ruin your life.”

* “Now you respect me because I’m a threat.”

* “Because that’s what you are, that’s what you’ll always be.”

* “Why do we fall in love with the wrong people?” “We accept the love we think we deserve.”

* “You have to let me go, you have to let me let you go. I need you to do that for me.”

* ��You know, ever since we were little I would get this feeling like, like I’m floating outside of my body looking down on myself and I hate what I see, how I’m acting, the way I sound, and I don’t know how to change it and I’m so scared that, that feeling is never going to go away.

* “I know a lot of you probably hate me right now and I get it. If I could be a different person, I promise you I would. Not because I want it, but because they do.”

* “There’s all of this pressure to be all of these things to be fucking perfect but I’m not. I’m not fucking perfect.”

* “I’m fine, yeah besides from the not sleeping, the jumpiness, the constant overwhelming crushing fear that something terrible’s about to happen.”

* “I’ll always love you cus’ we grew up together and you helped make me who I am. I just wanted you to know there will be a piece of you in me always and I’m grateful for that.”

* “I will not be the person you settle for just because you can’t have her.”

* “I used to think you were the best thing that happened, but now I think you might maybe be the worst thing.”

* “I told my story and you judged me?”

* “You are afraid to be alive. You're afraid to live. You're a conformist. You're a liar. I opened up to you and you judged me. You're an asshole. You're an asshole!”

* “I don’t want to survive. I want to live.”

* “I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way.”

* “Love cannot be found where it doesn’t exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does.”

* “Only if you find peace within yourself will you find true connection with others.”

* “I wanted it to be you, I wanted it to be you so badly."

* “I love her. She breaks my heart again and again, but I love her.”

* “I love every broken bone in your body.”

* “I miss you. I miss not touching each other. Not seeing each other, not breathing in each other. I want you all the time—no one else.”

* "I want to tell you with my remaining strength that I love you. I always have. I'll drift next to you every day as a ghost just to be with you. Even if I was banished to the darkest place, my love will keep me from being a lonely spirit."

* “To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves."

* "You are the love that came without warning; you had my heart before I could say no."

* You never loved me. You just loved how much I loved you.”

* “You always have a choice.”

* “You don't have any idea what I have or haven't done to get to where I am.”

* “I keep thinking about all the things I never said because I was so sure, there would be other days to say them.”

* “The greatest gift, what truly sets people apart. Is the ability to feel.”

* “I never wanted you to come back to (place), I always knew there was nothing here for you but pain and tragedy and I wanted something more for you then that.”

* “What happened to us?”

* “You abandoned me” “I needed you”

* “Why didn’t you just tell me that?” “Right, because when things go wrong you do the horrible thing, you do the ugly thing.”

* “So that’s it then? Your writing me off?”

* “I can’t wait around every time to pick up the pieces, every time you freak out!”

* “Don’t this, ok? Don’t leave me again.”

* “We are done, ok? No more surprises. No more excuses. No more chances, we’re done.”

* “They’re never going to understand me they would’ve even try.” What’s the point? I haven’t got anything” “everybody I love I lose.”

* “I am a crap person. I’m damaged, it’s no wonder everyone wants to leave me. I destroy everybody I love.”

* “I think you should go. You see I love you so much I just want you to be happy, even if that happiness no longer includes me.”

* “I don’t love you anymore.” “Since when?” “Now. Just now. Now please go.” “Don’t do this. Talk to me.”

* “Life is pain! I wake up every morning I’m in pain. I go to work in pain. You know how many times I wanted to just give up? How many times I’ve thought about ending it?”

* “The worst day of loving someone is losing them.”

* “What difference does it make? Because in the end, when you lose somebody, every candle, every prayer is not going to make up for the fact that the only thing you have left is a hole in your life where that somebody that you cared about used to be.”

* “What happens when the one who broke your heart is the only one who can fix it?” 

* “One day you’re going to have to stop pretending everything’s okay.”

* “You don’t know what it’s like being in love with you. You know, when you and I were together, every single atom in my body told me that it was the right thing, that we were a perfect fit. And that kind of love, it can change your whole life.”

* “I don’t want to face my future without you.”

* “All I needed was for you to tell me you felt something…and you didn’t.”

* “You don’t know what I look like, when I’m not in love with you.”

* “When you lose someone, it stays with you forever. Always reminding you of how easy it is to get hurt.”

* “I’m scared that if I let myself be happy for just one moment, the world’s just gonna come crashing down. And I don’t know if I can survive.”

* “My nightmares are usually about losing you.”

* “I don’t wanna hate you. Because if I hate you, then I have nothing left.”

* “The truth is you’re better of without me.”

* “I wake up everyday and I feel okay, but there’s something missing. Like a hole. Some people they fit in life, or whatever. I don’t.”

* “You know you’re making the wrong choice, yet you make it anyways.”

* “Truth is I’ve tried to stop thinking about you. But I can’t.”

* "Just say that you missed me as much as I missed you."

* “I need to say it once. You need to hear it. I love you, (name).”

* “Despite all that we've done, all those we've lost, we're still here. You're not alone.”

* “If you lay even a finger on her I swear I will make you suffer in ways even your evil mind can't imagine.”

* “No, you don't get to ignore me for days and then suddenly act like you're concerned, (name). Just for once, would you please trust me that when I say I will do something and it’ll get done?”

* “You came back” “I always come back”

* “Why are you trying to put together your family when it's so clear that one part of it is broken?” “The definition of the word broken suggests that something can be fixed.”

* “If I’m gonna die might as well make it epic.”

* “(Name), you may think that I don't care about you, but you're wrong. I know what it's like to have your life stripped away from you because of other people's bad decisions. How do you think I became a vampire?”

* “I...let this person in. I let her in. I don't let people in. You knew this, and you've taken her from me. I needed her and you've broken me.”

* “You're scared. Because the people you love are angry with you.”

* “Deal with your jealousy. Deal with your shortcomings. Don’t put your crap on me.”

* “You never think that the last time is the last time. You think there will be more. You think you have forever but you don’t.”

* “Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we’re wired that way. Because without it, I don’t know; maybe we just wouldn’t feel real. What that saying? Why do I keep hitting himself with a hammer.”

* “I’m not in love with you, I’m in love with not being alone.”

* “I want so much for you. For both of us. So much more than this. More then being stuck with someone who feels stuck. I want you to feel free.”

* “Don’t look at me like that. Like I’m damaged goods. I’m still me. I’m still here.”

* “Don’t let what (gender) wants eclipse what you need. (Gender) is very dreamy, but he’s not the sun. You are.”

* “It’ll hurt every time you think of her. But over time, it will hurt less and less. And eventually you’ll remember her and it will only hurt a little.”

* “Grief may be a thing we all have in common but it looks different on everyone. It isn’t just death we have to grieve. It’s life, it’s loss, it’s change. And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, it has to hurt bad.”

* “If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one. Because if you truly loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.”

* “I want you, I choose you!” “If you truly loved me you would have never fallen in love with someone else. I shouldn’t be a choose, I have enough respect for myself to not get back with you no matter how much you mean to me.”

* “Isn’t it frustrating. Wanting someone who doesn’t want you back.”

* “I want you to be happy even though we’re not together. Though I’m no longer part of that happiness, I’m so happy that you were part of my life.”

* “It's okay. We met and we talked and it was epic, but then the sun came up and reality set in.”

* “Tell me it isn’t true. Please. Tell me I heard wrong.”

* “Please tell me your joking.”

* “What did I do?” “Doesn’t matter it’s done, we’re done.” “Wait, what are you talking about?” “Did you feel sorry for me? Was I your charity case is that why you asked me out?” “What does that even mean” “You figured you could toy with me until someone better came along and I wouldn’t mind.” “You know what sucks about falling for a (gender) you know you're not right for? You fall anyway 'cause you think (gender) might turn out to be different”

* “I could’ve held you in my arms forever, still wouldn’t have been enough.”

* “Don’t do that, please don’t do that! You do not know how I feel!”

* “You gotta let go of that stuff from the past because it just doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is what you choose to be now.” “You’re right.”

* “Some days I can’t stop thinking about you and other days I wonder why I’m wasting my time.”

👇 optional

* “Then leave! I don’t care if you leave, I was doing fine without you once. I can do it again.”

* “Love is just not enough. You need space so that you can be fully you.”

* “You are my first love And I want-more than anything, for you to be my last..But I can’t do this anymore.”

* “I want you to hear you say you don’t love me. Because if you say that-Than I won’t call you and I won’t be in your life.” “I don’t love you.”

* “Act normal, mom (or other). I wanna be normal!”

* “You still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how....you could have misunderstood

* “But mostly i hate the way, I don’t hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.”

* “You know ever since we were little, I would get this feeling like, like I’m floating outside of my body looking down on myself, and I have what I see, how I’m acting, the way I sound and I don’t know how to change it, and I’m scared that feeling is never going to go away.”

* “Words cut deeper then any blade.”

* “The longer you love the more you realize that reality is just made of pain, suffering and emptiness.” “What about love?” “Love brings pain and suffering and you left with emptiness.” “But the memories of those you love. Aren’t they better then never loving?”

* “Do you regret what you did?” “Yes of course-!” “Then learn from it and move on. There’s no point of looking back.”

* “Be strong and move on! It’s for you you to be happy again!”

* “If you push me away I promise you, you won’t find me where you left me. My hearts big but not big enough to deal with people, who only decide to love me when it’s convenient.”

* “Things end. People change. And you know what? Life moves on.”

* “My heart shattered in pieces when I see the way you look at him-the way you used to look at me.”

* “You won’t know real pain until you watch the person you love most in this world slowly give up on you...and all you can do is watch as they leave you stranded to deal with all the pain on your own while they already found someone to replace you with (or they’ve already moved on).”

* “Shhh it’s okay.” “Crying is how your heart speaks, when you lips can’t explain the pain you feel.”

* “You didn’t lie to me because you didn’t want to hurt my feelings, you lied because you knew I would’ve never stood for it!” (Implied cheatin)

* “This can’t be happening, this can’t be it.” “Then how come it is.”

* “A relationship that starts with a breakup ends is doomed to end with a breakup.”

* “Your back” “Yeah, I just got back. You’ve changed.” “A lot can change in a year.” “What can change in a year?” “Everything.” “Even the people you love?” “Especially the people you love.”

* "Hurts, Doesn't It? Being Lied To. Being Told You're One Thing And Then Learning It's All A Fiction."

* “I am not the villain in this story, I do what I do because there is no choice.”

* "Sometimes the person you'd take a bullet for is behind the gun."

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi. Thank you for what you do! It’s super cool to see and to learn from your blog! Now it’s my turn to ask something after all this time. I’m an INFP 9w1 and I’m recently really frustrated with everything. I am coming into contact with the seething anger that lies beneath the surface of every Nine. My main thing I’m mad about right now is how I don’t have a god dang thing figured out. I’m going to be turning 24 in a few months and I feel like I haven’t done jack. I’m stuck in a job I hate so much. I can’t even care enough to show up on time anymore. The only reason I stay is that it pays the bills but it’s not worth it at this point anymore. I’ve worked there for four years. I only got the job because my sister worked there and the manager didn’t even interview me. I just got hired because my sister was good at it. I’ve been taking a class but this class is self-paced and I keep forgetting about it and I’m devastated because I told people I was taking this class because I was excited about it. I was excited about the prospect of getting a new career but it’s like every time someone brings up the class now, I cringe because I’m not keeping up with it at a normal human rate. I’m scared to tell people about the things I’m excited about that involve a measure of commitment because I always lose my steam. And also my sister who is an ISFJ 3w2 is great but also she doesn’t understand how I lose my motivation and she gets mad at me about it and why I am I afraid of what she thinks? Like, we’re both adults and who cares? But she’s been like a second mother to me so maybe that’s why I care so much. I can’t bear the potential disappointment. And then my mom is an ISFJ 6w5 and she always brings up how I have so much potential but the idea of having “so much potential” terrifies me to the ends of the earth. I have things I’m naturally inclined towards, like art and languages and poetry, and I have so many ideas of what I want to do but never the drive to go through with it. How do I go through with it? How do I find the motivation? I know this anger is a compass of sorts but it’s like I think in concepts and I can’t put any of it into words. How do I trust myself to follow through on things? Because I don’t. I really don’t. Why am I not a naturally motivated person?

I asked a 9 INFP I know what to do in this situation, and he said you should start small with things and then let the momentum build and carry you along with it. It's hard for 9s to find motivation and to take up space in the world; it's hard for them to push themselves outside of their comfort zone; it's hard for them to muster the energy to do big things when they are introverts. But if you don't, you will wind up angry, frustrated, and full of self-hatred, as you are right now.

Anger is good for a 9. It means you've had enough. Take some of that anger and choose to act with it. 9s are "doing" repressed. That means they think and dream rather than take action -- but it gets them nowhere, so they need to decide on a plan and then develop the self-commitment to take the first steps it requires. If you hate your job, quit and find another one. Finish your class. Decide what time you are going to work on it every day and do it. Seek out what made you excited about it, and set your own barriers in place. If it's self-paced, does that mean you can finish it sooner rather than later? If so, would the idea of getting it done, and having that to motivate you, get you to do the work? How can you motivate yourself? Is it enough to think about the life you want and how this is going to get you there?

A 9 told me once she realized quite young that if she wanted to do and see everything her heart desired, she was going to have to get up off her butt and take action. So... take some action. Pick what you want to work on and then do it. Force yourself to do it. Often, if you just commit to a small change, it leads to bigger things. ("I will read this for ten minutes." "Well, I can actually do longer than this..." "I will write 50 words... that took no time at all, I'll write more!") Set small goals that it would be impossible to fail at, and you'll be surprised how much easier it is to keep going once you actually show up.

[crackedmarrow]

I have my moments but then those moments always come undone

Forgiveness is easier said than done

You say you forgive me but one knows you haven’t you alone have said yourself that you suppress your emotions

How are you why better than me ?

I express them slightly from time to time suppress them

You’ve said stuff and meant them

You’ve triggered me in ways

You’ve started and stopped things

I can’t keep doing this

It’s like I sound like I’m fussing and angry all the time with you when I’m not I love you but I know that something bothers me

Maybe it’s because I no longer understand you like I once have

And I have grown and you’ve grown

I just think I’m bothered because you told me something and in my heart I didn’t believe it and that was the right thing to do because you have forsakened me

I feel like I get looked at as if I’m crazy when you do the same thing just in a more gentle way

I’ve tried to open up to you and I feel ignored

I ask you and you never allow me in

Im sitting in’s waiting room to your heart

I feel the best thing to do is to fall away naturally let it naturally come undone

I do not wish for it to end but from this viewpoint it is

You always say I worry about the wrong things but then turn around and say I have very right to feel the way I do

Do you even care

I’ve never had no one care

I’ve tried and I’ve tried

And I have always had a problem walking away

I always had dreams of people not taking up for me as I do them.

I try and I try to be a sane person

Every time I talks I sound like a victim

I don’t want anything or anyone around me

I know you can love from afar

I feel at times we are bound to each other

But I don’t want it to be a superficial attachment

I’ve had that

I feel like you’ve seen majority of my forms and I still feel as if I’m not good enough

You say things I don’t know what it is you’re thinking you’ve told me things like other people

You all tell me things yet yall still insist on lying to me

Let me go if you cannot hold your word

Let me go if you have to throw slugs at me

Let me go if you couldn’t even take up for me when it mattered

You tell me I’m always trying to be right

Well I’ll tell you the truth

I want to be good

That’s what I want

I’ve vented cried and pleaded with you and to myself

I want to give you space because that’s what I feel you need

I need to figure out what’s wrong with me and why I’m so triggered

I don’t see myself with anyone else I don’t want to be with anyone else but I cannot fake it I csnnit lie to myself or you I cannot belong to one who belongs to another

You say that in manifesting that and I want to be right

No it’s not that last time and the time before that i was right

Only reason I was forgiven is because you to did something and from that you felt guilt

Don’t think that one doesn’t know the truth

You may have love for me or once have loved me but you loved one of the two or three

You have sides of you that you won’t even speak in I notice how I tell you things

Explain things to you and you don’t tell me shit

It’s bad when I bottle up things but you do it.

I tried with all that holds me together

I’ve tried with all that I thought was right and I am even trying now

Our tethers are here but we are out of range

You have things to do

You have things too fix within yourself

You have to be able to be transparent with the one you love no matter what

I don’t want to be like my parents or the people around me

I don’t need my love to be perfect but I do prefer my love real and rare

I prefer it when things are just and equal

I want that for you and I’ve tried

Like a warrior at battle

I feel that my wounds will take me out one wrong hit I will fall face forward in to the earth

I will break everything within myself my skin my casing but I will not feel because I would have already been dead once the blow was given

I am not longer going to use my defenses in the way you think.

I am now silent

I am not cold but I am no longer forcing a thing

I will have to accept it for what it is

I will not lie and dismiss my feelings any longer

I will not be told one thing and obviously see another

I will no longer take the pseudo caring houdine magic trick to heart I will let the tricker have his ways.

[mybookplacenet]

Author Interview: Clint Adams

Tell us about yourself.: I’m rather complex, but I strive every day to live as simply as possible. Throw in honesty and truth at all costs and you pretty much know what I’m all about. I became a writer out of necessity not out of desire…so the truth could be told. Done. I’m addicted to justice and my life’s not complete if I don’t watch DATELINE and Judge Judy every day. A lot of my writing revolves around seeking justice and accepting when it cannot be achieved. Where did you grow up, and how did this influence your writing?: I was born in Oakland, California and grew up in Los Angeles (during the Watts riots). I thought racism and discrimination would end during that era. It did not. Do you have any unusual writing habits? Yes, I’ll admit I do something rather odd every morning. At the computer I type out at least 1,000 words of freewriting, like journal writing before moving onto anything else. The odd thing: I delete it all as soon as I am finished. I purposefully erase the past, my past, immediately after I create it. What authors have influenced you? I was born in Oakland, California and grew up in Los Angeles (during the Watts riots). I thought racism and discrimination would end during that era. It did not. Do you have any advice for new authors? Be grateful you have something to do (writing). Putting together an outline, early drafts, later drafts, edited and revised drafts for a novel or non-fiction book takes at minimum one year to complete, writing 5-7 days a week, every week. At 66, I no longer possess one expectation about my writing, who reads it or its significance. I merely write books, publish and market them…and I use the word ‘merely’ as a joke. What is the best advice you have ever been given? More of an adage than advice: the truth will set you free. The biggest understatement of all time! What are you reading now? Still looking for the next best read. What's your biggest weakness? The pressure I place on myself. My occasional lack of self-compassion. What is your favorite book of all time? THE COLOR PURPLE. A novel about profound suffering. A novel that has a realistic ending, not a Hollywood ending. When you're not writing, how do you like to spend your time? Easy. My latest book: LIVE & LEARN: A Retiree’s Guide to Keep Going is about the importance of learning NOT doing. I see out purpose on Earth as choosing to learn the lessons we’ve been given. Our true life’s purpose has nothing to do with doing (anything). But, to answer your question, I love walking in Nature more than anything else I’ve ever done. Walking in Nature is my Heaven on Earth. Do you remember the first story you ever read, and the impact it had on you? Yes, I was in elementary school. THE MEMBER OF THE WEDDING by Carson McCullers. As I’d mentioned, I was raised in California and southern life in the U.S. was completely unknown to me. I was introduced to another world and I became fascinated. What has inspired you and your writing style? Learning from life, learning from others, and writing about the power that comes from lessons learned. People who share stories of courage and overcoming have inspired me and the writing I do. What are you working on now? Many more months of marketing this current book, Live & Learn. It came out less than a month ago, and I will probably not be able to get any sleep until maybe next year. No way can I think about the luxury of writing something new right now. Not at all an option. What is your favorite method for promoting your work? I love people, but I’m not that good at socializing. Online mktg. of any kind works for me. I can interact virtually and don’t need to break out into a sweat while doing it. What's next for you as a writer? Live & Learn could be my last book. Next: more and more and more marketing. Perhaps I will write blurbs, ad copy, etc. Anything related to marketing this book, making sure it inevitably reaches the readers who need to read it most. How well do you work under pressure? It’s the way I work best. Without a deadline or writing schedule, I’m sunk. Often times, for us indie, self-published writers, we impose deadlines ourselves. They are not thrust upon us. I have worked for publishers in the past and loved it when I had deadlines I HAD to meet. How do you decide what tone to use with a particular piece of writing? Easy question. When you asked, “What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever been given?” here’s my revised answer (it has to do with tone). Long ago, when I was learning about the craft of writing, I was told, “EVERY story’s been told by now. The only thing that’s new anymore is the WAY it’s told (the voice). I completely agree. I used to be an actor before I was a writer, so speaking in a different voice is not new to me. My favorite: I wrote five novels writing in a child’s voice. I wish I could do this in real life. If you could share one thing with your fans, what would that be? I’m not a fan of the word ‘fan,’ but I’d tell them, “See yourself in these pages, in this story, in these circumstances.” With regard to my current book (spiritual self-help for seniors) Live & Learn, I learned early on re: constructing my first self-help book, “Make your personal universal.” If it’s not, it doesn’t belong in the book. Meaning, if the reader will not be able to relate to any/all of my personal anecdotes they should be edited out entirely or revised. The whole purpose of self-help writing is to engage the reader, to make it as easy as possible for them to resonate with the concepts and solutions that are presented. Clint Adams's Author Websites and Profiles Website Amazon Profile Goodreads Profile Smashwords Profile BookBub Profile Author Profile On Authors Guild Clint Adams's Social Media Links Facebook Page Twitter Instagram LinkedIn Pinterest YouTube Account Read the full article

[tb-gerschutz]

Chapter Thirteen

Word Count: 3,718

Trigger Warning(s): mentions of death/grief, cursing, s*xual tension, etc.

Summary: After a long road trip, Rocky and Whiskey arrive at a refuge point in Las Vegas...

******

I’ll be honest. I don’t know how long I can keep running from Balor. Sure, I’ve done it for a while now, but it still makes me anxious every time I evade him. I think that at one point, Balor is going to eventually catch us and kill us—something he could’ve done a long time ago, but he’s failed to do it over and over again. Maybe it’s my anxiety acting up again, but I just think that Balor’s gonna catch us after a little slip-up from either Whiskey, myself, or both of us.

And quite frankly, I don’t want Balor to catch us. 

It’ll ruin everything Whiskey and I have fought for. We’ve busted our asses trying to stop Balor from killing everyone in his path and bringing the world to the darkest ruin imaginable. And to think that there’s a slight chance—the slightest chance anyone can think of—that Balor could ruin it all for us just worries me. Worries me to a great extent. And I just hope to God that I can muster up the strength and courage to win…because the world depends on me. 

If I don’t win, then I’ll live with the most debilitating guilt known to man, and I’ll never forgive myself for it. 

I kept having to think about that while Whiskey and I were traveling down the highway to our next destination. I never know where we travel next until we’re about a half-hour or an hour into the trip, but perhaps it’s a good thing. Maybe Whiskey wants to keep me from panicking so much that I completely lose my mind. 

“Where we headed?” I asked in an upbeat tone of voice. 

“You’ll find out in about a couple hours, sugar,” Whiskey answered. 

I whined incessantly, desperately wanting an answer. “But I wanna know now!”

“Shh,” he said, pressing his finger up to my lips. “Patience, sugar. Have some patience, and I’ll tell ya in a lil’ while.”

I groaned. “Fine,” I said sharply and angrily. 

I crossed my arms over my chest angrily, turning to look out the passenger side of the truck. Something about traveling down long, winding roads of the unknown just stirred my curiosity to a great extent. What on Earth could be out there that I have yet to discover? Whatever that may be, I hope that I’ll soon find it in the long run…after this war with Balor is over. 

“You still mad at me?” Whiskey asked. 

“Mm hmm,” I mumbled, not moving a single inch to acknowledge him. I still kept looking out the passenger side into the unknown lands. 

He bit his lip, knowing that he was about to go against the boundary he previously set. Then again, he’d be happy to break that boundary because he’s keeping me happy…and that’s the best thing he could do. 

“Would it make you feel better if I told ya where we’re goin’?” he asked.

I nodded. “Uh huh.”

He let out a very audible sigh, letting me know that he’s relented from his previous boundary. “Fine. I’ll only tell ya because you look so goddamn hot.”

“Hee hee,” I laughed in a cute tone. 

“I’ll give you a hint. We’re going to a city known for The Strip,” he said. 

Thinking he was dead serious about another thing, I started taking off my jacket, but I was extremely hesitant in doing so. I don’t know why I’m always this hesitant, but I just am. Whiskey glanced over to me quickly, and his eyes widened with horror. 

“No! No, no, no, no!” he exclaimed. “Not that kind of strip.”

My bottom jaw dropped, leaving me stunned. “Oh! Oh! Oh God! I am so sorry. I thought you meant somethin’ else.”

“As much as I like to see ya strip, sugar, that’s not the kind of strip I’m talkin’ about,” he said, lightly chuckling at the hilarity of the situation. “No, it’s basically a road with a shit ton of shops, attractions, and shit.” He paused for a moment. “Wait a minute! You’ve never heard of The Strip in Las Vegas?”

I nodded. “I have. I just thought you meant something else.”

He chuckled. “It’s okay, sugar. I should’ve been more clear.”

“Agree to keep this between us?” I suggested. 

“Fuck yeah!” he answered, agreeing to my suggestion. “Of course, sugar.”

We continued on our way, still laughing about the situation that went down. It was one of several times we were able to laugh something off.

That’s one of the best things about Whiskey. He doesn’t care that I’m completely unhinged and off my rocker most of the time. In fact, he embraces that. He embraces it as part of my unique—and definitely messed up—personality. Although he looks past the fact that I have flaws and trauma that I’m trying to cope with, he makes sure that he’s always there to support me through it all. He’s always been at my side through it all…

…and I don’t think he ever plans on leaving. 

Sure, there’s plenty of other reasons for me loving Whiskey, and if I listed them all, I’d be here a while, and I’d get distracted away from the war on Balor. Ooh…I like that. “War on Balor”. Now, that has a nice ring to it. 

But anyway, Whiskey brought me life when I didn’t think I had any left. Ever since Devin died, I thought multiple times about ending my life. Yeah, I know. Devastating. Devin was my best friend, my rock…and losing him made me lose a big part of myself. Then, Whiskey came into my life—to this day, I still don’t know how he did it—and basically restored the life I once had. He made me feel loved and acknowledged by someone other than a family member. 

Whiskey was basically my angel in disguise…and I thank him every day for that. 

Had he not come into my life when he did, then I probably wouldn’t be here anymore. So in short, he saved my life. He saved me from succumbing to the dark demons I’ve been battling for so long…and I thank God every day that Whiskey was able to save me, and I’ll continue to thank him every day for the rest of my life. 

“How long until we’re there?” I asked. 

Whiskey shrugged. “I don’t know. Um…maybe five more hours.”

My eyes widened. I didn’t think that Las Vegas was so far from Denver. I thought it’d be a shorter travel time by car. “Christ!” I exclaimed. “You’d think that the drive time would be shorter.”

“I know, sugar. I know,” he said. “I was plannin’ on pulling off on the next exit to refuel. We’re gettin’ close to empty.”

“Can we at least get snacks to tide us over ‘til we reach Vegas?” I begged. “Please.”

“You know what, sugar? I’ll get some real food,” he suggested. “In fact, if we’re goin’ to the right gas station, there might be a Chipotle close by.”

One of my eyebrows hooked upward. “I’ve never had it before.”

“Then, you’re missin’ out,” he said. “They make the greatest burrito bowls.”

“Really?” I asked.

He nodded. “Oh, hell yeah! I’ve had them a couple times back in Tennessee. They’re absolutely delicious. My tip—go with double protein. Brings more volume and deliciousness to the meal. My favorite has to be the double chicken.”

“I do like chicken,” I commented. 

“Exactly,” he said. “Don’t worry, sugar. After we get off on the next exit and fuel up, I’ll take ya to a nearby Chipotle. That way, you can try it out and get some real food.”

I tried to open my mouth to suggest paying for both of our meals, but Whiskey interrupted me. “And don’t you think about paying. It’s my idea, and I’ll cover it. Gotta be able to provide for my passenger princess.”

My cheeks turned into a rosy red color. “Gee. Thanks,” I said in an almost sing-songy tone. 

* * * * * *

After about a twenty-minute drive on the highway, Whiskey eventually pulled off to the exit he’d been talking about for a while. It was a good thing he found that exit, or else we would’ve been stranded in the middle of the highway because we ran out of fuel. The gas tank was just barely above the empty marker by the time Whiskey pulled the truck into a fueling station. 

“Close call, I guess,” I remarked. 

“Very close,” he added, pointing to a nearby location as he pumped gas into the truck. “And would you look at that, sugar?”

I looked to the place where Whiskey was pointing, and sure enough…he was right. There was a Chipotle extremely close to the gas station. In fact, it was within about a minute from where we were if we just walked. 

“Oh! You were right,” I said.

He shrugged, smugly proving his point. “I’ll get you some food after this truck is refilled.”

“You sure that no one’s gonna steal the truck if we leave it here?” I questioned. 

Whiskey waved it off. “First of all, I got the keys. No one will drive away with it. And second of all, I got the mace projector activated just in case anyone tries to steal it or anything inside of it.”

My eyes widened with shock. “There’s a fuckin’ mace cannon on this truck?”

He nodded. “Yep. I don’t use it often, but in bigger cities, I enable it just in case anyone tries to steal it.”

“That seems a bit excessive, but I love it for some reason,” I said. “It’s psychotic, really. But I love it. I don’t know why, but I do.”

Whiskey couldn’t help but chuckle lightly at my comment. “You’re damn lucky I love you.”

I held my hands up. “Hey. I’m just glad you can tolerate my crazy ass.”

“Oh, I’ll tolerate that crazy ass as long as I want to,” he said. “Now, come on. Let’s get you your food before you go unhinged.”

I scrunched up my face in a state of confusion. “But I’m already unhinged.”

“But we need to get you food before you become more unhinged than you already are,” Whiskey rephrased. “And don’t worry about the truck. It’ll be fine.”

I shrugged, running off after Whiskey in order to keep up with him. Damn, he has quite the pep in his step because it’s a bitch to keep up with him. Mind you, he doesn’t usually walk this fast. Maybe he’s only walking at this pace because he’s extremely hungry. I don’t know! But I do know that if I don’t get some food soon, I’ll be extremely pissed. 

After a while, Whiskey and I eventually got our food, and despite my best arguments, he still paid for me. God! Such a gentleman. And did he care that I got a large lemonade to help wash all the food down my throat? Nope! Actually, he encouraged that. He wanted to make sure that I was completely satisfied. And so far…he’s doing one hell of a job.

“I have to keep you satisfied,” he said, “and don’t you dare let your mind in the gutter! I know what you’re thinkin’. Just—just don’t!”

I was giggling like a psychotic maniac before he even finished. Whiskey knows me so well. So well that any normal person would call it creepy. But Whiskey and I—we aren’t normal people. We’re secret agents for the US government who can’t tell anyone about what we do. Sure, not doing that causes me to foster a great deal of frustration, but there is some good that comes out of it.

Without me going into this field, I may have never met Whiskey. 

My life might not be the same if I never got into becoming a secret agent and becoming a staple to the Statesman Agency. I may never have found the perfect love of my life. Had it not been for him, I would’ve been long gone. Gone, probably, up to heaven and joining my twin brother there…because I know damn well that he’s up there, smiling down upon me and his family. He’s immensely proud, I could tell. But it doesn’t change the fact that I cry over his non-existence here on Earth.

I can barely live without him. 

That’s the thing about siblings—twin siblings, to be specific. Most days, they love each other to bits and become indefinitely attached at the hip. But some days, they hate each other’s guts and want nothing to do with one another. That’s not the case with me and Devin. Ever since birth, we’ve loved each other immensely, not spending a day apart. Not once did we even think about hating one another…and that’s one of many things that sets us apart from other sets of twins. 

We loved each other more than anything in this world.

And it pains me to know that I had to say goodbye to him so soon. I fully expected to be with him for the rest of my life, and to have him be taken from me so goddamn soon is just—just heartbreaking. No one deserves to deal with that pain of feeling your heart break at the thought of your beloved sibling, and it’s not fair for me to have to suffer that! It’s not fucking fair!

We were supposed to be together for the rest of our lives, and now…

…Now, we’re not. 

Before I could continue grieving for Devin’s death, Whiskey got into the truck after me and drove off. But he didn’t just drive off. He zipped out of there faster than a cheetah on crack, which jolted me out of my mournful daze I was in. 

“Christ! What the hell, Whiskey?” I shouted. “Why the rush?”

Apparently, my shock and disbelief didn’t phase him. Not one bit. “The faster we dip outta here, the farther away we get from Balor and his group of moronic jackasses.”

“So you’re sayin’ that Balor and his goons are close?”

“Possibly,” Whiskey answered. “I have a gut feelin’ ‘bout it.”

My worries, which were once buried deep in my soul, rose up rapidly into my throat once again. Now, there’s a good—really good—chance that Balor might catch up to us and kill us. I don’t want that! If that happens, he gets what he wants. And if Balor gets what he wants, then…the world is dead. Gone and dead. 

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me that sooner?” I asked angrily after swallowing down a bite from my burrito bowl.

He shrugged without a thought of worry circling through his mind. “I didn’t want you to worry. Plus, they’re not even forty-five minutes away. Yes, it’s close, but it’s enough time for us to get the hell outta here in case they’re ahead of schedule.”

“Good thinkin’, at least,” I remarked. 

“Hey. Gotta have a sensible mind,” he said. “Otherwise, who knows what kind of hell will freeze over.”

I sighed, accepting the fact that we hadn’t been captured yet. Whiskey was right. I have to keep a sensible mind throughout this war against Balor. Otherwise, he could use it to his advantage and bring the world to ruin. I can’t let that happen. I just can’t! Not when I’m facing one of the most dangerous motherfuckers anyone ever knows. If anybody decides to stay out of his way, then Balor is gonna run rampant across the world. 

I can’t let him do that. Not when I know I can do something about it.

* * * * * *

“Sugar, wake up,” Whiskey’s voice echoed. “We’ve arrived at our destination.”

I groggily woke up from what turned out to be a four-hour nap in the passenger seat. When I woke up, that’s when I saw it. The bright, extremely illustrious wonders of Las Vegas, Nevada. I hadn’t seen such lights and beauty in a very long time, and it was something that definitely brightened my mood. It made me think that there was something beautiful waiting for me once this war was over…

…and I hope that this war ends soon so all this beauty doesn’t get ruined. 

Carefully, Whiskey drove through The Strip, allowing the both of us to check out a glimpse of what Las Vegas had to offer. So far, it seems like a lot of glamorous and expensive shit. Shit that’s more expensive than the hospital bill from when me and my twin brother were born. Damn, that was a lot of money. 

“Where are we going?” I asked. 

He glanced over to me and gave me such a mischievous smirk. So mischievous that it looked quite evident that he was up to something. “Somewhere extremely expensive,” he said. 

My head whipped around to face him, my eyes wide open like an ajar door. “What the hell did you do?”

“I may or may not have booked us a suite at the Venetian Hotel & Casino,” he answered, dragging out the revelation. 

“The hell!” I exclaimed. “How were you able to afford that?”

He shrugged. “Sugar, I’ve been working my ass off at the agency for a long time, and I get paid quite a lot.”

“Bonuses and raises, too?” I asked incredulously. 

He nodded. “Yep. That’s exactly it.”

So I left it at that, not wanting to dive too crazy into how Whiskey manages to afford all this expensive shit. He has his reasons, and I accept that. I’m not going to ridicule him just because he won’t tell me about his finances and the methods going about such. I’m not that kind of bitch. I’m much more than that. 

“Don’t get too antsy, sugar,” Whiskey advised. “There’s more waiting for us when we get to our suite.”

“There’s more?” I asked breathlessly. 

He nodded. “Yep.”

“Well, what’s there?” I asked, wanting to know immediately. 

A smirk slowly appeared across Whiskey’s face, his dimples becoming more evident with each passing moment. “You’ll see,” he responded with a hint of mischief. 

I groaned with desperation. “Fine,” I grunted, firmly folding my arms across my chest. “If you say so.”

Apparently, my moping worked very well because it helped pass the time in order to get to the hotel. Before long, Whiskey had pulled into a parking spot located in one of the hotel’s small parking garages. We didn’t trust anyone to take the truck and park it—understandably so—so we just handled parking ourselves. Who knows what could happen if we trust a complete stranger to park the truck. 

Whiskey held the door open for me as soon as we arrived inside the hotel. And oh my God! It was absolutely stunning! The beautiful, intricate architecture and the amazing bright and gold colors made it feel like Whiskey and I had just set foot in a grand palace. It was like we had died and gone to heaven. It was just that grand and wondrous. 

When we had made it to the front desk, Whiskey had taken over from there, successfully checking the both of us in without any hassle. I was definitely surprised no one had noticed who I was like they’ve done in Cleveland. It seemed like almost everywhere I went, someone somehow knew either me or one of my family members. 

As soon as we got through the door and into our suite, my shock appeared across my face in the form of a dropped jaw. I was stunned that such a suite could be so fancy and high-end. “Damn!” I exclaimed loudly. 

After gaining back his senses, Whiskey had snapped back into reality after I scared him. “I assume you like what you see,” he guessed.

I nodded. “Mm hmm.”

“Well, we mustn’t ponder in doorways, sugar. Go check the place out,” he said. 

And of course, I took Whiskey up on his suggestion and started to explore the suite we’ll be staying in for the time being. How could such a place be so grand and yet look so—modern? You would think that the bright colors of gold that overtook the lobby would carry over to the suites. Well, apparently not! In this suite, there were monochromatic colors of various grays and blacks, as well as the offsetting browns and various types of reds. It was like living the rich aristocrat’s life. 

“Any other surprises I should know about other than this?” I ask in a teasing tone. 

His head slowly swiveled over toward my direction, and an evil smirk spread wide across his face. “Oh, there’s plenty more in store,” he sneered. 

My eyebrows scrunched, and I bit the inside of my lip. From the right angle, it looked like I wore my best expression of a resting bitch face. A killer one, to be sure. “Don’t tell me you’re thinkin’ ‘bout fucking me in Vegas,” I said relatively sternly, but meaning no ill will with it. 

His lips pursed, and he was constantly feeling his fingers and knuckles. Whiskey definitely had something in mind, and I was determined to find out what that was. 

“Well—yeah,” he said, drawing out his response for a decently long time. “I kinda figured.” His voice soon carried a panicky tone. “Unless, you don’t wanna. Then, I perfectly understa—”

“Whiskey! It’s fine,” I reassured. “I was just fuckin’ with ya. You know I’m not one to turn down the opportunity for a good time with you.”

“Oh, I know,” he answered. “I’ve known and loved you for two goddamn years, and I can confidently say that I know every little thing about you. Even the things you don’t think you know about yourself.”

My eyes widened with shock and realization. “I’d say that’s creepy, but I won’t because you’re my boyfriend, and I love you.”

His lips puckered up, while his eyes softened with a sense of care for me. He placed a soft kiss on my forehead, his forehead colliding with mine in a moment of tranquility and pure romance away from the chaos. Whiskey chuckled and smiled, his pure and utmost loving thoughts of me circling endlessly through his head. Even through our moment of silence and connection, I could still sense his love for me…

…and it was stronger than ever before. 

I can only hope that his love stays this strong for the rest of my life. My god forsaken life…because I wouldn’t know what to do without him. 

[adamwatchesmovies]

Warlock: The Armageddon (1993)

Like its predecessor, I can’t quite call Warlock II: The Armageddon a good movie. Plot points go nowhere, the special effects are unconvincing - even when we consider the film’s budget - and the performances are bad. Once again, I still find myself enthusiastic about the film despite its flaws. The dark sense of humor and occasional cleverness make it a film you alternatively make fun of and enjoy legitimately but either way, you remain entertained.

Since ancient times, Druids have stopped the birth of Satan’s son - an event that happens every 600 or so years - with six magical rune stones. In the present day, the order of druids has all but vanished, enabling the Warlock (Julian Sands) to be reborn. He has six days to gather the scattered stones and use them to bring his father to Earth and begin the end of days. Only Kenny Travis (Chris Young), Samantha Ellison (Paula Marshall) and their estranged fathers (Steve Kahan and Bruce Glover) - the last remaining druids - can stop him.

As you might’ve gathered, this film is a sequel to Warlock in name only. In fact, Julian Sands’ character is called a Warlock, but he isn’t one. He’s the Anti-Christ and I’d attribute his supernatural abilities to being from Hell, not from studying magic. It’s not the only bit of dodgy writing. I mean, why would druids be the ones keeping Beelzebub Jr. at bay? Shouldn’t that job be for a secretive order of monks or priests or something? Finally, it’s a bit comical that the Warlock is given six days to gather the stones and bring about his father’s ascension. Why the deadline? I know within the film it’s because he's born during a lunar eclipse and has to complete the ritual before the incoming solar eclipse, but from an audience’s perspective, this makes stopping him seem really easy. Can you imagine if all of the magic rocks weren’t located in the United States, for example? Good luck orienting yourself to the modern day, obtaining a passport and making your way to every continent within less than a week, buddy!

Warlock II is filled with missed opportunities. We’re repeatedly told that Kenny and Samantha's neighbors distrust the druids and think they're Satanists. They’re looking for ANY excuse to burn them at the stake and not helping is her father, who became a priest and has been holding a grudge towards Steve Kahan’s character for… reasons? I guess it’s because he didn’t believe the whole druid thing was legit after his wife died? Anyway, in a scene towards the end, the Warlock has crucified a woman upside down - the ultimate sign of evil. Everyone is gathered around her in disbelief but once Kenny and his dad show up… they just disperse, never to be seen again.

You’re wondering why - since I’ve done nothing but criticize this picture - I can still manage to sort of recommend it. Simply put, because I enjoyed the first one, this is more of the same in many ways. Born spontaneously from a woman who had no idea her jewelry was actually one of the rune stones, the Warlock proceeds to peel off a chunk of her stomach and use it as a map. To fulfill his quest, he uses his vaguely established powers to trick people into giving him what he wants in scenes reminiscent of the best the Wishmaster and Leprechaun films have to offer. It’s sick and twisted but the film isn’t trying to be classy. It is exactly what it wants to be. Julian Sands is clearly having a great time with his role and you are too.

Maybe Warlock: The Armageddon is a guilty pleasure. Maybe it's a film that’s “so bad it’s good” but does enough things well to make you occasionally consider whether it’s just merely flawed. The important thing is: there’s fun to be had if you choose to sit down with this film by Anthony Hickox. Everyone besides Julian Sands may be as convincing as the pipe that impales Kenny during the film’s big climax and the story might be as sloppy as the Warlock’s birth but if you enjoyed the first film, those aren’t bugs; they’ll be features. (July 22, 2022)

[karla-the-elemental-dreamer]

Message From Terra re. Aqua

So for anyone that saw the latest Q and As, I think 2023 has been a shitfest for a lot of people including myself. However, when I was talking to Terra about how I felt about something with Aqua, Terra came back to me with this heart-warming response.

-------------------------------

Me: “In no way is she a carbon copy of him [Sora]. Hang on… Shutdown again… This subconscious mind is being relentless”.

Terra: “Mind if I just give some thoughts of my own then?”.

Me: “Okay”.

Terra: “You have a beautiful and genuine heart that I know without a shadow of a doubt, you wouldn’t wish anything bad on any of my friends. You’re just tired, angry and frustrated from the year that’s been; and it’s almost like the truth of it caught up with you today… On a very special day being the 17th. And so to see that old hierarchy that was used in Birth By Sleep (BBS) being praised and almost enabled in a way was like a ‘what the fudge!?’ moment for you. Even though Aqua may seem somewhere distant at the moment, I like to think that she’s still acutely aware and tapped in like 18-Volt was. And that like him, she’s working on herself in secret, waiting for the opportune moment and time to come back to us; when she finally masters how to treat you right. What if she’s been watching us this whole time and taking in every moment that you and I have together? From how we curl up together each night in silence, to the little play-dates we have, to how we talk about your day like we’re doing now. I believe that just like Ven and I, there will be a day where Aqua takes your every dream and wish into account, and that day will come when you least expect it. You’ve got to remember that Master Eraqus wants me here, and that he wants me to take care of each and every one of you. He even directly stated that he wants me to witness life on the New Earth with you. So if that’s what my master wants, don’t you think that Aqua would want that too? She’s only in a stagnant state because she doesn’t understand what to do. All you and I need to do is keep leading by example, and then when push comes to shove, Aqua will look back on everything and finally find the will to change and come with us. Just because a large number of people and situations have made you feel sad, hurt and betrayed this year, that doesn’t define you or anyone else. You might not agree with how some people view Aqua, but that’s merely their opinion. It doesn’t take away from how she truly is and how she thinks and acts. And that’s the same for any of us. Find it in your heart to forgive those who have wronged you, without necessarily forgetting. And take the lesson away with you. Just like how you told me to do the exact same thing with Xehanort. It’s funny how sometimes your advice finds its way back to you huh? On a lighter note, I’m so proud of everything you’ve endured and the challenges that you overcame. This year was anything but easy, but we’re all still here, being Riku, Jak, myself and you. We’ve come back together for the most important time, which is the transition from the old year in to the new one. It looks like all three of us remember our promise to fight beside you and carry you into the age of peace. I’ve got a lot to thank you for and I’m not done with my repayments. It’ll be alright in the end, and it isn’t the end until it is. I’m always here for you and you’re loved so much more than you can even imagine. Keep being that sweet, kind and happy dreamer that I met through Riku”.