Tumgik
About
Privacy Policy
Removal Request
Visit Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Fun Fact
Average visit duration of Tumblr.com is 10 mins and 25 secs.
#i can never behave like my true genuine self bc im terrified someone will find out and ridicule me for it
angelstrawbabie420
·
2 months
Text
felt
#anyway im gonna vent real quick
#it’s absolutely crazy to me how much my relapse into self harming/cutting has made my anxiety worse
#bc until i was 18 whenever my mom’d find out i’d cut i’d just be punished emotionally and physically to the point i am now looking over my
#shoulder constantly paranoid that i’ll be hurt somehow bc i’ve relapsed
#despite now being an adult and my parents being dead
#it’s crazy how i constantly feel like i’m being watched 24/7 even when i
#im entirely home alone bc my privacy was invaded so severely and my every move picked apart constantly my whole childhood
#i can never behave like my true genuine self bc im terrified someone will find out and ridicule me for it
#it got so bad i started to have panic attacks & literal hallucinations over it when i was younger
#and it’s so sad to me bc i was struggling SO horrifically w trauma and abuse as a child and i felt like self harm was the only way to cope
#and yet i was never met with any understanding or help i was just told i was attention seeking/hurting everyone around me/making ppl’s lives
#hell and though there’s no way anyone would find out unless i told them now and there’s no one to control me over it
#i still feel like the biggest burden on earth for coping any way i can to keep myself alive
#every time i’ve done something to keep myself on this earth i have been told i’m being so selfish
#yet if i chose the alternative and actually killed myself it would be all ‘oh gone too soon we loved them blah blah blah’
#you treated me like i was dirt that i was was desperately clawing along in an attempt to survive
#it’s as if these people would rather me have died
#i do not know how to heal the decades of damage this has led to. i don’t know how to move forward
#all i’ve ever been good at is being a nuisance to others that they’d rather drop like hot garbage
#anyway. i cut so bad last night my entire fucking upper arm burns
#i haven’t done it that bad in years. i can usually stop myself after just a couple but not this time
#i just feel so guilty and heavy and gross and disappointing. even tho the only ppl who know are those who i confide in
#whatever
#sh tw
#dlt ltr
4 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
alpineductcleaningsj-blog
Alpine Duct Cleaning San Jose
alpineductcleaningsj-blog
Alpine Duct Cleaning San Jose
danganronpa-shadowsofelegance
Danganronpa: Shadows of Elegance
danganronpa-shadowsofelegance
Danganronpa: Shadows of Elegance
danganronpa-shadowsofelegance
Danganronpa: Shadows of Elegance