#every day i look at myself in the mirror and go 'hey. say normal things' and then i describe catholic politics like this

[sforzesco]

"when you marry off a son to the church, they're married to god's vicar on earth" lives rent free in my mind now, thank you very much! also, can't stop thinking of rodrigo borgia and giuliano della rovere as a bickering divorced couple, and it's too kinda your fault -_-

absolutely CACKLING at the idea of rodrigo and giuliano as a divorced couple because I've always envisioned them as two different types of monsters that despised each other and were intent on eating the other along with anyone else that got in their way, with giuliano coming out of that war winning. and it wasn't enough to get the throne (the papacy), he also kicked cesare to the curb after luring him back in. we love to see it! you can't buy that kind of hate off the shelves, you have to curate it and let it fester like an open wound! an absolute masterclass in driving in one final nail into the coffin of a family you despise. (there's a kind of dynastic rivalry subtext in regards to inheritance etc, between these two that makes them incompatible with the divorced framework to me. it's more of a eat or be eaten, destroy the pretender to the throne, etc etc in my mind)

ascanio sforza and giuliano della rovere on the other hand. they have an adjacent kind of divorced energy, to me. those two were rivals for so long (ascanio kneecapping della rovere by backing rodrigo in the papal elections, and it escalating from there), and only came together in the end (della rovere visiting ascanio every day on summer for conversation, hello??), and even then: that came with a hefty side of deeply unbalanced power dynamics of the julius caesar-clemency variety (fun fact! when giuliano della rovere became pope, he took on the name julius II in reference to julius caesar!)

wait--- you want to know who's literally divorced, though? ascanio and rodrigo. ascanio was one of the major players in setting up the lucrezia borgia-giovanni sforza marriage, and that annulment had implications, especially with how rodrigo kept trying to shut ascanio out of vatican politics. that didn't stop them from sharing the pastime of gambling together, though.

[esoteric-crow]

hey actually isn’t there something kind of really sad about the fact that the hardest difficulty (that isn’t just like. hell or hell. which is just ‘haha hehe Blow up.’) is called Dante Must Die. i think about it a lot. i can’t quite put my finger on why it makes me miserable but maybe someone else can.

but you know what i CAN talk about and i DO have actual fully formed thoughts about?

regenerating like crazy is great. but isn’t there something kind of inherently fucked up about the fact that, because of the regeneration dante and vergil have, neither of them will ever have tangible evidence to themselves or others of their suffering? asking themselves, was it really that bad? did it even happen at all? no matter how much you put vergil through hell and how afraid he is inside, there will never be a mark on his skin that says “i have suffered”. the world leaves no proof, nothing to take home from this experience aside from a more broken mind. vergil doesn’t say his feelings, or even allow them to surface properly, because that’s a kind of vulnerability he cannot handle. the only way he could perhaps earn someone’s sympathetic care is by expressing what he has suffered through, but he cannot verbalize that. and he looks perfect. unmarked by time or trauma. there isn’t a single part of his body that could scream out for him that something horrible has happened that he cannot figure out how to deal with alone.

and dante is just as poor off. and he’s very difficult to figure out emotionally to a passerby. dante purposefully puts on a happy face every day, and to the majority of the world, it’s convincing. there’s certainly no evidence to themselves contrary. not a scratch on him. but he is like kind of constantly getting the ever loving fuck beat out of him. stabbed and jabbed. when you look at him, you see happy, sweet, goofy dante. for all the years of pain he’s gone through, there isn’t a single marred inch of his skin that could tell you even a day of the agony unless he told you. and why would dante do that when he can pretend it simply isn’t happening until he’s alone and can sit with the terror that’s constantly in him and the loss he’s been living with, over and over losing people and being surrounded by the ghosts of their presence. whether the ghost is a wayward descendent, a gun, or just a lingering smell of ash in his childhood home. but that will only be private. he can be the walking dead, he can treat himself like shit, but his body refuses to show anything for it. and he’s certainly not going to die.

obviously, the same thing can be said for the opposite side of the spectrum: scars can be a constant reminder in the mirror of what happened that you cannot erase, always to some degree a part of you. among other stuff. so both sides of the coin are full of The Pains and The Anguishes.

on a side note, i really like when people give them like, one scar. i don’t really have a favorite one that people give vergil but i really like dante with just the one bigass gnarly one in the middle of his abdomen from the rebellion gettin jammed in there. his One scar. a treate. like it defies his regeneration somehow.

i love making a scarred up guy. i have plenty of scars n marks myself, and i feel like they should definitely be more normalized, so like, no this post isn’t anti scars or something. they’re normal and not ugly or whatever the hell people try to say. this side note is probably entirely unnecessary, but i’m tired and i’m worried about someone misunderstanding me i think. anyway i’m trying to say ooh scar angst yeah but sometimes No scars is also fucked up too. that’s the point here.

to sum up: i believe there can be something Fucked Up and angsty to be said about the fact that the sparda boys heal perfectly fine, but only externally. it is 3am. this is not articulated as well as it could be i don’t think. aaaand post.

[scriblubed-bonnibel]

Super Blind

Close friends to lovers | Jordan Li x (gn)reader

Reader will use they/them pronouns as well (lets go nonbinaries woooh <3) Just some oneshot I’ve been brain rotting about while scrolling through tumblr.

Summary: Jordan and y/n have been flirting every now and then but can’t seem to confess. One day they just… do.

Context: reader has powers that affect their emotions. Be it taking them from others, making them feel emotions, just reading their emotions, and sometimes they can even exude their emotions; having others feel it when closer to the reader.

Warnings: bad language, cute moments, kissing

If you aren’t ok with the whole “switching between masc and fem” thing then feel free to click off (tho i doubt it cause ure reading a Jordan Li fic so yeah)

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“Emma I don’t know anymore! Jordan’s probably high fucking some- fucking dude! And I’m here lonely-“ “hey!” Emma looks at me offended, “and ranting to my best friend about my crush for like what- years now!” Emma stands up and puts her hands on my shoulders, “hey, if it’s worth anything. JORDAN TOTALLY FUCKING LIKES YOU YOU IDIOT.” She shakes me back and forth.

“You’re just saying that” I brush her off and flop on my bed. “Are you fucking kidding me?” She looks at me dumbfounded and as if I said the stupidest thing ever. “They literally gaze at you. And did you not notice the fact that uhhh you have flowers on your desk from them!” She gestures to the small flower arrangement on my desk.

“Big whoop. They got those flowers for me after I recovered from that stupid slip.” I rolled my eyes at her. “This-“ Emma trails off in frustration and face palms. “Listen, I’m just saying, Jordan, one of the top students, most probably maybe possibly has a crush on you maybe wants to even fuck you!” I laugh at her and just pull the covers over myself. “I doubt it! Now leave cause I’m pretty sure you’re late for one of your classes.”

“OH SHI-“ she’s cut off by the sound of a door slamming shut. “Loser” I laugh and close my eyes under the blanket, trying to just forget about Jordan… Jordan… Jordan… and.. y/n. Y/n and Jordan. A dreamy sigh escapes my lips as I swoon once more. Without even realizing, sleep takes over me.

Gentle knocks from my door wakes me up. “Emma for the last time my door is always open!!” I yell. “You lock your door once when she wants to visit and she just forgets it’s always open..” I grumble. The door opens slowly. “Y/n..?” Jordan’s voice calls out.

wait

Jordan’s. Voice? Their. Voice? Panic shoots through me as I sit up in distress. “Jordan-“ i cough quickly to try to sound less panicked, “uh- ahem Jordan! Hey, hi! DONT COME IN- I’m- my room is a mess-“ I look around and see the door still cracked a little bit. “Not- not looking! Just wanted you to know it’s me!” They say, laughing softly… I sigh again… their laugh- FIX YOUR ROOM AND YOURSELF GET IT TOGETHER.

I run to the full body mirror and fix myself up. Taming my bedhead, adjusting my sleeping shirt and shorts, making sure I look normal but also… maybe a tiny little bit cute. I fix up the random clutter on the floor and spray a little bit of cologne everywhere.

I get to the door and put my hand on my heart to sorta calm down. Okay… one.. two.. three and-

There is no denying how stupidly in love I looked the moment I opened the door to see them in their feminine. Eyes softened, lips in a content smile, and sighing dreamily. “Hi~” I breathed out, still swooning. They dont help my case at all when they smirk and look at me in a similar manner. “Hi…” they trail off, blinking a few times before getting both of us out of our trance.

“Sorry for uhh the whole emotion wafting off of me. Still learning how to control it.” I laugh awkwardly. They wave their hand in a ‘nah dont worry’ motion, “Y/n you know I dont mind that at all. We’re all learning.” We both smile briefly, “so, whatcha doing here?” I open the door wider and sit on my bed. They enter, closing the door behind them, and sit next to me. “I uhh honestly…” I wasn’t looking at them, too busy fiddling with my hands, but I heard them change into their masculine form. “I was just around.. and wanted to hang with you…” ‘hang out.. with me?’ I thought before I looked at them.

They were.. already looking at me. A blush slowly crept up on my face as I internally panicked, replying to cover up my distress. “Uhh yeah sure, we could invite Cate for a girls time, or maybe have Emma ditch for I dont know-” I get cut off “why not just us?” They ask, shrugging nonchalantly. “Just us?” I repeat. “Y’know… just Y/n and Jordan. Just us.” Their gaze is turned away for some reason.. “I MEAN- if you don’t want to then yeah of course Kate could come arou-” they began to ramble but I touch their hand gently, focusing on calming their emotions down.

“I would like that” I smile. “Yeah..? Like a date right that’s what I’m trying to invite you to” they clarify, their emotions wafting to me… infatuation, swooning, happiness… ‘they’re happy…’. I smile and nod happily.

They stand up and offer their hand, then an uncertainty surfaces on their face. “Uhm… do you want feminine or masculine..?” They ask still in their masculine form. “Are you shitting me? How many times do I have to say this. Anything is fine as long as it’s what you want and what you feel like.” I smile up at them and stand from the bed to give them a quick hug. I hear them changing into their feminine form/nothing change as they decide to remain in their masculine form and push them to face away from me. I smile, feeling more comfortable with them again, dropping the whole “in love with you” deal and being my authentic self.

“Now don’t fucking peak, lemme just change clothes.” I said as I looked at my closet. “Where’re we going again?”

Jordan’s POV

‘I cannot fucking believe they said yes- I mean I know Kate said they liked me but I was still unsure-‘ “Jordan!!! Helloooo?” I’m snapped out of my thoughts when Y/n shakes me from behind. “Earth to Jordannn, where are you taking meeeeee.” I chuckle at their antics, “just dress casual, we aren’t going to the fucking gala or something.” I laugh and I hear shuffling behind me. Tempted… I turn slowly- “not a fucking peep Jordan Li.” They say sternly. I laugh and put my hands up in defense “alright alright.”

Moments pass and I feel two taps on my shoulder. I turn and smile at them. Wearing such comfy yet cute clothes to our first date. Our first date. Damn.

Reader’s POV

Walking around with Jordan Li was normal. We would do this from time to time whenever stress got to us. But this was different. This was a fucking date. Like, hand brushing against each other, got coffee or tea kinda fucking date.

We decided to walk around campus, much to the distaste of Jordan. “You are sooo fucking lucky I put up with your goody-two-shoes behavior” they tell me, squinting playfully at me. “I am very lucky thank you.” I respond to spite them. They smile and shake their head.

We walk in comforting silence. It’s so strange how the context of a walk can change the whole way it feels. Normally we would just walk casually and we would talk about anything and everything. Shoving each other, being just friends. But now… it feels so… pure? I guess… like puppy love. Jordan taking glances at me and I would do the same. Whenever we meet eyes they’d chuckle as I look away shyly. They’re just… too sweet.

“Are you enjoying?”

I look up in surprise, not realizing we had stopped walking. “Yeah of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked, worried I had done something wrong. “Just making sure, that’s all. Cause I wouldn’t want to be the only one enjoying our date” they smile at me sweetly. A worry forms in my stomach when my brain starts to go on hyperdrive. They aren’t… joking about this right…? My walls start building as I worry that Jordan was just put up to this for a stupid fucking prank.

Jordan takes my hand in worry, shifting to their masculine form. A tendency they did when they were worried about me. “Hey, what’s wrong? Did I say something?” I pull my hand back slowly. “You aren’t.. doing this for a dare right.. cause- cause I know I’m not that good at hiding my crushes but if this was a fucking joke I swear-” I’m suddenly silenced as they pull me in close for a hug. “I know Y/n. If it’s a joke, you swear you’ll make me miserable for the rest of my life.” Their chest rumbles as they chuckle. “It’s not a joke… the only thing I had help with was ask Cate to make me go to your dorm and ask you out blatantly.”

I step back a little, “you what?” I laugh incredulously. “Listen! I keep hearing rumors that you like me but I never saw it! Cate always told me that I was Super-”

“Blind?” I finish their sentence. “Yeah, Emma told me the same thing” I shake my head and laugh in disbelief. “So… you do like me?” They ask, as they lift my chin to look into their eyes. My breath hitches and I nod quietly. “Good.. cause.. I like you too… maybe.. even more than like.” They smile and shift back to their feminine form, something they did.. when they felt comfortable with me.

Their hand on my chin slowly travelled to my cheek and soothingly rubbed it with their thumb. The blush from earlier creeps up again and I silently plead that Jordan can’t feel my face slowly heat up. They chuckle, “I never realized how cute you looked whenever you blush…” the warmth blooms past my cheeks and into my chest as the butterflies flutter more intensely. “Y/n..?” Jordan asks softly, their eyes not even trying to hide the fact that they’re looking at my lips. “Yes..?” I reply just as softly.

“Can I.. kiss you?” I stop functioning the moment they stop talking. Unable to speak I do one slow and obvious nod to say yes. “Thank you” they smile and lean in lips barely touching, as if telling me that if I wanted to back out now, now is the time. But fuck that I’m getting that kiss.

I smile and kiss them deeply, tiptoeing a little bit to wrap my arms around their neck. The smile on our lips palpable and our emotions mixing with one another as pure happiness exudes from the both of us.

We part after a moment, smiling widely. They chuckle softly. “What’s so funny? Was my breath bad- did I hit your teeth? What is it what?!” I panicked.

“Nothing nothing!” They laugh, “Just… you’re so cute… I couldn’t stop feeling your butterflies wafting off of you ever since we started the date. And well.. every time you see me.”

“And you didn’t tell me?!” I gasped and hit them playfully, they shift to their masculine form and held my hands together in front of me. “I didn’t tell you because…how could I tell the cutest person in the world,” they lean in and kiss me gently once more and whisper, “that even their emotions are cute?”

This person will be the end of me… and I love it.

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EEEE I’m so glad I got to finish this cksndjsz my brain cannot for the love of me stop thinking about Jordan. THEY’RE JUST SO CISJDJSZJ C U T E.

Anyways, feel free to give comments on how I can improve ! And ofc I hope you enjoyed ♡

Edit: holy f u c k- Im v surprised this is getting 300 notes 😭 im very glad people are enjoying !! College is just biting my ass but I’m writing other fics from other fandoms!

Take care always!

[eskymoos]

Levi Ackerman- The Richest Man in the World

You wanted to make a normal date with Levi more fun and unconventional, but you forgot that he can read you like an open book. Word count- 1409 Female reader x Levi Ackerman SFW

Dating Levi Ackerman can be very exciting. From under the sheets to simple, humble dinner dates. He always has a way of making it memorable for both of you. There is one occasion in particular, however, that will never slip your mind.

It was a hot summer day in Trost when the two of you headed for the heart of the city. There was no end goal other than to put your responsibilities aside and save up some time for each other. You were having an amazing time when a great idea came to your mind. 

There was a tall building on your left– a multifloored store for dresses of all sorts. Green, red, blue. Short, long, exotic. All of it in one place. You weren't surprised considering that many wealthy people lived here and most of them could easily afford to fill their wardrobes with clothes. Your eyes turned to stars and your jaw dropped.

''Hey, why don't we go inside?''

You suggested that and Levi, who was holding your arm to his chest like a gentleman, glanced over at the entrance. ''Hmmm? You like something?''

''Not yet. Come on.'' You urged and he didn't set you back. The Captain followed right after you, curious as to what you had in mind.

The place really was huge and the store owners gladly welcomed you inside, inviting Levi to sit over at a sofa and observe for now. You began looking at every dress, mesmerized at how amazing all of their designs were. 

But there is another thing that you couldn't ignore. You wondered if the reason you never wore dresses is because your body type just didn't allow it or because your budget was too small. Nonetheless it all made you hesitate a bit. You went quiet for a moment.

''Are you okay?'' Levi inquired, already sipping on a cup of tea he was brought while you were zoned out. 

''Yeah.'' You clicked your tongue and resumed the search.

It was best you kept your worries to yourself. You knew Levi was always one to watch over you and be sensible. You didn't want to feel like you've wasted his time so you chose to pretend that none of the dresses were up your alley.

The first one you tried on was truthfully ugly. You didn't have to fake the reaction. The color made your nose scrunch in disgust.

''I feel like a disco ball. There are too many beads,'' you murmured and your gaze ran to your quiet boyfriend. Levi was silent but his eyes were burning right through you. He took another long sip and said nothing. No sign of any emotion. 

Then you tried another one on. It was very beautiful but too long and tripped you over a couple of times. 

''It's my style but too long. I would need them to shorten it.'' You looked down and realized that not even your legs were visible through the material.

Levi was still watching and still saying nothing. You're beginning to wonder if this is boring for him.

Then your interest was piqued by three others. Unlike the first ones, you actually had luck this time. The dresses were the perfect size, shape and color. In fact, they resembled the ones you used to read about in your books. It was a fantasy brought to your reality. 

But you couldn't have Levi know that or else you'd have to tell him how this entire time you didn't have the money for any of this. You know he wouldn't mock you but the guilt would eat at your heart.

''It's…something. These are getting progressively worse, don't you think?'' You asked for his input, finding his sitting reflection in the mirror. Once more his mouth didn't open to speak but his focus went up and down on you. Was he eye fucking you or judging your horrible taste? 

After a few minutes of doubtful thoughts and inner regret, you shrugged your shoulders.

''Well it's fine. I'm glad that we came here at least. Maybe next time I will buy myself something.'' You explained, sighing deeply. What nobody knew was that if you could, you'd collect every single piece of clothing in this building. That dream owned your soul. 

You put on your casual clothes and walked out the fitting room to Levi who stepped closer to you and brushed the hair out of your face. For a moment you got the idea that he was telling you something telepathically but you didn't know what.

''You are beautiful.'' He leaned in to tell you, his voice raspy yet smooth. 

The two of you left, saying goodbye to the workers inside. Your gut shrunk a bit. You didn't know what to feel about what just happened.

And so, the arrows of the clock kept looping and two days passed by. You heard a knock on your door.

You opened it to see Petra and Oluo– two very loyal members of Levi's squad. He had told you many times about them but you rarely saw them.

''Is everything okay?'' You rush to ask, already overthinking what could be happening.

''Oh yeah.'' Petra grinned warmly and lifted a strange, enormous bag in her hands. ''The Captain told us to bring this to you. Enjoy.''

The two nodded respectfully, deserting you there with your own thoughts and a lot of confusion. Why exactly would Levi send you something? The two of you lived together so wouldn't it make sense that he directly handed it to you?

You brushed off all questions and checked the contents of the delivery. Your eyes turned big and round when you saw the three exact dresses you fell in love with the other day. But how? You gave it your best to hide what you felt and even acted repulsed but somehow Levi saw through your disguise. Now it makes sense why he was looking so attentively at you. He was studying your face bit by bit as if it were some kind of science. He knew just what you had on your mind.

All of them were crazy expensive which made you freak out a bit. The Captain went out of his way to purchase them without even looking at the price tag? The idea that he went back for that made your heart melt. It also angered you a bit that this entire time he kept quiet and acted natural while you put up an act.

What a foxy man.

A small note fell off the bag onto the ground and you picked it up to see what was written on it.

Come to my office when you can. Bring the dresses.

Levi

Excited to hear from him, you did just that. You flew out of the house wildly and mounted your horse, heading for the location.

When you arrived, you opened the door to find Hange and Erwin inside, having a conversation with Levi.

Levi looked at you instantly and a spark began dancing in the coldness of his blue eyes. 

''Hange, Erwin, see yourself out,'' he commanded in a reserved tone. Erwin gave him a nod and greeted you idly before exiting. Hange did too, but not before leaning in to whisper in your ear.

''Don't know what you've done to him but he's not himself today.''

You gave them a baffled look. 

''Is that good?''

Hange just grinned, not elaborating any further. They stepped out and shut the door which left just you and Levi in the room. The air turned thick and hard to breathe for a moment.

''Levi, you spent all these money on–''

''Try them on.'' He cut you off, standing up from his seat and approaching you. ''Put them on again. This time be genuine with what you think.''

You sucked in your lower lip and try to formulate a sentence. ''It's too much. It's just too much. I can't possibly pay you back.''

He reached out and pulled you in his arms, his intonation full of sheer affection and pure devotion. ''That's not for you to worry. I want you to try them on and tell me if they need any adjustments.''

You put both hands on his shoulders, ''Are you sure?''

His face moved closer, his mouth caressing your ear. ''Why would I say it if I don't mean it?'' He chuckled. And before you could do what he requested you to, he took your hand and stole your attention momentarily to speak what was on his mind this entire time: ''You make me the richest man in the world, you know that?''

🌹

[thousandsun]

ASL brothers reacting to your insecurities

Warnings: eating disorders,mention of food,breakdown

Sabo

You are looking in the mirror at your body realizing you've put on some weight. You've been sitting there,like this for a few good minutes. Sabo passes by your room noticing you. He feels like something is wrong. The blonde comes up to you wrapping his hands around your waist. He places a little kiss on your cheek."What happened,my love?" He asks resting his head on your shoulder.

"I've got so ugly. I got a double chin now" You reply. Sabo could feel the disappointment in yourself.

"Ugly?" He looks at you through the mirror. "I don't see anything ugly about you." His voice is calming and comforting. "All I see is my girl, being as beautiful as always"

"Sabo, don't lie to me..." You feel your confidence going down even more. You think he is just trying to make you feel better even though you're ugly. He is so precious that he would do anything for you.

"But I am not lying. Your face,your body,they are all so perfect" You feel a soft kiss on your neck. "Can't believe I got myself such a gorgeous woman"

You giggle hearing his words. He sure knows how to make you feel better. "Thank you" You whisper softly

Ace

He is the type of guy who observes your every move. He wants to know you're always fine. You deserve the best life and he wants to dedicate all his time to give you that.

When he saw you not eating properly,he had some questions and worries. Yet he decided to shut up and give you some space. That until he noticed you were barely eating at every meal of the day.

"What happened to you lately? Why aren't you eating anymore?" He suddenly snaps. He is sitting in front of you,at the table. You avoid his eye contact trying to seem like you didn't hear anything. Your body betrayed you and you flinched.

Ace's eyes softened realizing he was a bit too straight forward. "Hey. I am not mad. Just concerned"

The room falls in complete silence. You finally look at him, indicating you want to say something. You find yourself struggling to speak. Ace grabs your hand slowly caressing it with his fingertips. You feel the trust he gives in you,you feel it giving you power. "I don't feel good in my body lately."

Ace's eyes widen. He can't understand. He can't understand how you don't love your body the way he does. He knows your body is incredible,yet you can't seem to see it. He isn't the type of guy to comfort you with words so he pulls you into a warm hug. You hide your face into his chest crying.

He plays with a strand of your hair, admiring you. "Let it all out. I am here."

Luffy

Tonight,he couldn't sleep, feeling very hungry. So he sneaks into the kitchen. As he enters the kitchen carefully,like Usopp taught him,he sees a small light. Confused he comes closer and notices you, eating with the fridge door open.

You hear steps coming closer to you. You turn with fear seeing Luffy. Tears start falling from your eyes. "Luffy... I can't stop. I can't stop falling in this cycle again and again.Please forgive me..."

Luffy looks at you even more confused. He doesn't seem to understand much. One thing he does understand is that he wants to protect you. "I don't mind sharing food! You don't have to get sad"

You realize he's Luffy. He doesn't know what an eating disorder is. "Luffy,I am full,yet I can't stop eating. I don't want this... I don't want to eat."

His gaze changes. He realized that you have a problem. That your brain doesn't seem to listen to you. He closes the fridge door. He lifts you up, carrying you to the kitchen table. "I know I can't help you. But I can encourage you to talk to someone like Nami or Robin." He says sitting on your lap cuddling you.

You shake your head in fear. "No. I can't talk to anyone... I am too embarrassed."

"No,no,no!" He pouts giving you a judgy look.He begins shaking you. "Youuu! Neeeed! Heeeelp"

You stop him amused by his reaction. "I can understand if you talk to me normally. I am not a baby"

Luffy pouts even more. You sigh kissing his forehead. "Fine,fine. I'll talk to them. Just give me a few days"

His face gets brighter. "That's my girl!" He grabs your face not leaving a spot unkissed.

[otherone12]

Hi! Can you write a Gerard x Chubby!Reader smut?

Maybe readers feeling a little self conscious so Gerard shows them how much he loves her?

Afab!Reader preferably

Thank you! -Anon

You Are Perfect

Gerard Way x Chubby!Reader

-> Masterlist

A/N: Hey!! Sorry for took that long! I wasn't sure if i shoul post this yet, cause im not the best smut writer, but here it is! Well, hope u like it! <3 (If it turned out too different from what you imagined, let me know and I'll try to fix it :) ) (i'm also working on a christmas fic!!)

Summary: You felt insecure about your body, but Gerard did his best to make you feel loved, pretty and enough. (this is basicly a fluf smut... there was no much backstory)

- Word Count: 1.820

- Warnings: AFBA SMUT

- Ps: I'm kinda awful writing smut...

- Ps2: I'll not use y/n…

- Ps3: I'm brazilian, so english is not my first language... sorry if i wrote something wrong.

___________________________________________

1st Person POV (reader)

It was the third dress I put on and nothing seems to fit. Looking in the mirror I only see my imperfections, my arms are not as thin as I wanted, my stomach feels even bigger than the last time I checked. 

I didn't want to go out, I didn't want to have to see my boyfriend, the only thing I wanted was to be alone and hide. 

I dont always feel like that, I mean, I normally don't feel like this. I'm comfortable the way I am, but those last few days I just hated the way I look, and worse, I started to doubt Gerard's feelings for me.

Why is he still with me? He is so gorgeous, so kind, so smart, talented… he is all perfect… and I cant even be pretty enough to deserve him. 

And there I was… sitting on our bed, with my hands on my face, trying not to convey my feelings, I took a deep breath and adjusted my posture. Just in time, because as soon as I did, Gerard walked in. 

- Hey, babe… - he looked at me and I saw his smile fading when he noticed something wasn't right. - What's wrong? Are you okay? 

- Yeah, I'm fine, Gee… - It was a lie, and he knew it. I can't hide anything from him.

- C'mon, sugar, you don't need to hide anything from me… - he sat by my side, placing his hand on my shoulder. 

- It's not important, Gee… seriously - Damn my fake smile is awful - I'm fine…

I turned my face to avoid his look, but he held my chin gently, forcing me to look at him. 

- Hey… If you’re like this, it is important - The concern on his eyes made tears form in my eyes - Tell me… we can solve this and-

- There's no way to solve this, Gerard. - I spat it out all at once, maybe I raised my voice a little, but then I felt a knot on my throat, and now my voice started to break  - I'm… like this… and I can't change it… 

I pointed to my body, and that tear ran down my cheek.

- I tried, I swear I tried… - My voice trembling while I still tried to pull myself together -   but nothing worked…

- Wait… is this about your body? - he furrowed his eyebrows, turning really serious, his hand reaching for mine - Because if it is…

- of course it is! - my breaking voice just turned into a barely whisper when I pronounced the next sentence - I can't understand why you are still with me… 

His eyes widened, and he got up from the bed, standing in front of me and gently holding my hands. 

- Don't you dare talk like this! - He didn't raise his voice, but the confidence in his speech silenced him. -  You are the prettiest girl I've ever seen! not just this, you are funny, smart, kind and, in my eyes, perfect. I love you… more than I ever loved anyone.

His words were sincere, so sincere that I almost believed them, but I couldn't shake the feeling of not being enough...  

- Gee, I love you too… - i sighed, looking deep in his eyes -  but you don't need to say this things to make me feel better- 

- I mean it. Every single word. - He cut me off, seriously again, with a look of defiance, as if I was doubting him and he needed to prove to me that he was right - But if you can't believe me, I will have to show you. 

 Before I could do anything, he leaned into a kiss, a kiss that I didn't refuse. His soft lips pressed against mine, while his hand was still holding my chin, while the other made its way to my waist. I gasped when I felt it, parting the kiss. 

- Gee… - our foreheads touched, and I felt his breath on my face. Looking at his hazel eyes i whispering with uncertainty - You really don't need to-

- I want it. - His voice was firm, but kind at the same time, a soft smile appeared in his lips- Let me do this, babe… 

His lips found mine again, deeper this time, his hand sliding up to the back of my neck. I melted into him, my hands clutching at his shirt as his kiss grew more urgent. His tongue brushed against mine, sending a shiver down my spine, and I let myself get lost in him.

He trailed kisses along my jaw, his breath warm against my skin as his hands slipped beneath my shirt. His thumbs brushed over my sides, his touch reverent and unhurried 

- you're so pretty… - he murmured against my skin, making me shiver. 

His touch was tender when his hand slipped under my shirt, pressing his thumbs on my skin. His kisses went down my neck, and my fingers tangled up his hair.

It felt good, even though I still couldn't shake the feeling of not being enough. The warmth of his lips sucking softly on my neck, and he ran his hands on my back. 

- So beautiful… - my skin trembling with his voice. 

I gasped as he lifted my shirt over my head, leaving me espoused before him. My instinct was to cover myself, but Gerard caught my hands, his eyes locking onto mine

- Cmon, babe… - he was really close to me, and I couldn't avoid his gaze. His tone was calm and sweet. - Don't hide yourself… if you want me to stop, just tell me. 

- I… I don't want you to stop. - my voice was uncertain again. I knew I needed this, but I didn't wanted to admit it.

- Good, cause you deserve it… 

His smile was soft and reassuring as he leaned in to kiss me again, his hands brushing along my sides, sending shivers through me. He unclasped my bra with practiced ease, his lips trailing down my collarbone as the fabric fell away.

- You’re incredible, - He murmured.

His hands cupped my breasts as his lips kissed the sensitive skin just above them.

My breath hitched, a soft moan escaping as his kisses grew deeper, more insistent, and going down to my stomach. 

In normal circumstances I would probably blush, or push him away, but all the tenderness on his moves made me want more and more. 

My heart raced when his hand affectionately sllipt to the waistband of my jeans, tracing a line to the buttons. He took his time unbuttoning it, then his gaze met mine, Gerard gas a sweet grin on his face while he put it down, making sure to run his hands all over my thighs.

Once my pants were on the floor, he sighed.

- I wish you could see yourself the way I see you… - there was a slight disappointment in his voice, but at the same time I could feel the affection in the way he said it. 

Soon, I felt the warmth of his lips on my thighs, pressing soft kisses and savoring every inch of my skin. Gerard's hands gently pulled my legs apart, and I shivered with anticipation.  

When his lips reached the inner part of my thigh, a soft moan escaped my lips, the sensation of his mouth sending ripples of heat through me. His kisses moved higher, making me crave him closer. My fingers tangled again in his hair, pulling him toward me, needing him more than ever.

Soon, he took off the rest of my underwear, and looked up at me, i cupped his face, his eyes with an genuine desire that i refused to believe for a while, but without esitation, he said: 

- You are so, so gorgeous… 

And I believed. But I couldn't say anything, my words were replaced by a gasp when I felt his tongue on me, my hands went back to his hair, and his grip on my hips were really tight.

He knew exactly how to move it to make me feel good. My breath hitched, and I felt that sensation on my lower stomach, he reached my clit and I whimpered loudly, pulling him even closer, and then my orgasm washed me over. 

Gerard pulled back off between my thighs, and leaned up over me, kissing me deeply. I could taste myself on his lips while his tongue danced with mine. 

- Sugar, you're so perfect. - he murmured on my lips - I love you, more than you can imagine. 

- I love you too, Gee - I replied, still out of breath. 

His hands up on my waist, pulling me closer. My sweat body pressed against his clothes. your thumbs making circles on my skin.

- Good, cause I'm not done yet. - a mischievous smile appeared on his lips, which soon reached my neck - You are too pretty to stop now. 

Gerard started to undress himself, and when his pants were off, it was obvious how much he wanted that by the evident bulge on his boxers, which soon reached the floor. 

His lips met mine one last time, before I felt him thrusted carefully inside of me.

- Damn, you’re so perfect. - He groaned - And you feel so good.

- Gee… - was the only thing I managed to say between some gasps. - Yeah… 

It wasn't too long till I needed to cum again. The feeling of him inside of me was nothing but perfect. All those insecurities I've had in the last few days, just disappeared. His sweet words filled the room while his touch showed how much he cared. 

We both came together and I couldn't feel more loved. He has this way to make me feel better, even when everything seems wrong. 

We laid back on the bed, my head in his bare pale chest, my arms around his waist. He pressed a kiss on my forehead, his fingertips tracing my skin. I looked up at him.

- Thank you, Gee…- a sheepish smile appeared on my face - you didn't need to do this… 

- Of course i needed, - he let out a small chuckle - You’re perfect. And you need to know that. You need to believe it.

As we lay there, tangled in the softness of the blankets, I couldn’t help but smile. The weight of my insecurities felt lighter, almost like they were being lifted by every tender word, every loving touch that Gerard had given me. My heart still raced from the intensity of everything, but now, it was a sweet, content kind of racing.

His fingers traced idle patterns on my back, soothing me in a way that made everything feel... right. His breath was steady, calm, and I could feel the steady rhythm of his heart beneath me, reminding me that I was not alone. The space between us was warm, and it felt like it was filled with more than just physical closeness, it was filled with a quiet understanding, a love that made me feel seen, truly seen, in ways I hadn’t thought were possible.

___________________________________________

~ So.. thats it! Lemme know if u liked <3

(U guys think i should do a tag list?)

[mr2swap]

"hocus pocus"

-Old man!! I've been looking everywhere for you! What the fuck did you do to my phone or why can't you answer one of my fucking calls? Fuck! and you even blocked me from Instagram!-

I was finally going to get rid of this from my grandfather Jackson's body, it was the longest week of my life! Two weeks ago I was cursed by that fucking witch who fucked me when I was drunk at a college party, I'll never have more than one girlfriend in my entire life! I'll be a single guy for a while!

For a couple of years, I'm living with my grandfather, when I started university I had to move in with him my parents couldn't afford an apartment for me so my grandfather offered to stay in my dad's old room, that would be great I didn't I would have to pay nothing and I could dedicate myself to going to the gym full time! I won a football scholarship! And the semester hadn't started in a long time, for me every day was amazing, well I was doing bad in most of my classes but besides that everything was great in my life before I got cursed by that bitch!

She met my grandfather once I brought her home to fuck her in my room, in fact, he was there too when he threw his "hocus pocus" on me and my grandfather, finally, I will stop being a bag of farts! after begging him every day to return to my body he finally agreed to change us back!

Hey Josh! You came at the right time! I was about to get out of the water- my grandfather slowly got out of the pool and stretched out his long legs to remove the rest of the chlorine from the collection as he modeled some pretty flashy blue shorts that I would swear are brand new I would never wear something that small!

-Get changed quickly in the car, we're going to go to Jessica's house so she can reverse this and finally get everything back to normal.- Before drying off with the small towel I had on the edge of the pool I grab what used to be my phone, text for 2 minutes, and completely ignore myself.

-sorry for screwing you at first! This is the best thing that could have happened in my life

My grandfather pulled those tiny shorts down to his knees and with the same towel began to dry between my balls and on my butt. After he threw that same towel my face slowly dressed in my black pants AND that new jacket he wears everywhere.

-I'm not going to waste any more time with this lie, I'm not going back to that garbage bag I used to call a body, don't worry about college I'm out of that shit anyway with your GPA you were probably going to fail the whole year! -

-Whatever! We can talk about it in the car but I really need you to get in right now!-He finished getting dressed and looked up and down in the mirror on my cell phone to fix his hair and I suspect take some pictures.

-I know you'll do well! you know my credit card number and the government sends me my pension every day, forgive me for the last charge of the motorcycle, I will send you money as soon as I settle in another city.-

I had almost forgotten what it was like to be young and not overweight and over 70 years old, now I saw the slim and muscular body and a lot of lustful thoughts invaded my mind.

I should be angry but the curse fucks my mind more every day. I couldn't take my eyes off his chest and abs sticking out of his jacket as he got on the parked motorcycle.

-I know that now I'm not very smart but one of my new admirers says that I could earn a lot of money on the internet and that I could even leave all this shit behind, don't worry I'll be the one to contact you.-

-I know that in all aspects my body is shit! But I hope you enjoy your little dick as much as you can, I know it can be very sensitive if you touch it in the right place, believe me, you'll like it- I couldn't answer him because after saying that he started the motorcycle.

What am I supposed to do now? Well… Probably the first thing I should do is take this towel to a more private place, I'm sure it still has a bit of the smell on it!

Hey! You can support me to continue creating stories, see similar stories on my patreon, you can also join my discord if you are interested in role-playing about bodyswap, possession and transformation, m2m!

[ourloveisforthelovely]

The Words "Best Friends" Become Redefined. Part 2

Regulus Black AU

Summary: You had been Regulus’ friend since childhood and now his mistress. The war had changed many things, Regulus among them. Now its time to decide if you should put your self-worth over missing someone who was gone.  

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader

Rating: M- smut

Song in Chapter: King of Wishful Thinking by Go West 

Link to Part 1 

______

I'll get over you, I know I will. I'll pretend my ship's not sinking and I'll tell myself I'm over you. 'Cause I'm the king of wishful thinking.

Your eyes snapped open as the song on the radio began to register in your sleep-deprived mind. Groaning, you sat up and threw a shoe at the radio knocking it off of your chest of drawers. Anything about being “the queen of wishful thinking” made you want to barf.

It had been several weeks since the night at the pub and you were no closer to getting over Regulus than you were on day one. Every day seemed to be the same, emotionally. You would wake up, cry a little, get mad at yourself for being sad (because you were right and he was wrong), then get up and force yourself to put on a happy face.

Regulus wasn’t helping any matters by sending you letters every single day. He had sent you the emerald bracelet that you returned several times before you finally gave up and just kept it. When it came to the letters, you just gave them to Sirius to do whatever he wanted with them.

Sirius

You were more thankful than ever for your friendship with the elder Black brother. He was always a willing ear when you needed to rant. Sirius also took extra care to not tell Remus anything about the true nature of your relationship with Regulus. For all that Remus knew, in your mind, was your friendship with Regulus had ended and you were being a royal grouch about it.

Sighing, your mind went to the previous night when you were once again raging about Regulus to Sirius.

“I’m a real idiot, Sirius. I go around throwing away perfectly good boyfriends. Well, I don’t know if he considered himself my boyfriend but god damn it…Regulus is such a freaking jerk!”

Sirius sat on the couch watching.

“You’re still wearing his ring.”

You looked down at your hand. The ring that Regulus had given you years ago was still sitting proudly on your finger.

“I know that I am! I am a mess, Sirius. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. All I want to do is cry. You know me, I’m not a crier! I can handle a crisis!”

Sirius smirked.

“A trait that you share with your brother so well…look, love, just because you love him doesn’t mean he’s good for you…hey look at me being the responsible one. Normally that’s your brother's job”

You groaned dramatically before sitting down.

“I know you are right but I don’t want to accept it. I am having a shit time at just throwing away a ten-year friendship and slight love affair. Why wasn’t I good enough for Regulus to fight for? Why couldn’t he say no to your family’s psycho ways and fight for me? Am I not…”

Sirius held a hand up.

“I’m just going to stop you right there, Y/n. You are more than good enough! You have always been good enough! Personally, I think that you are too good for the bum. Now come with me, we are going to do something. I want no complaining.”

You reluctantly followed Sirius into your bedroom. He led you to your full-sized mirror and put you in front of it.

“Now I want you to stand here, look at yourself, and tell me some of your best qualities.”

You gave your friend a frown only to earn a slap to the behind.

“I’m your best friend. I can do that…now get going, sugar bean.”

You sighed and looked at your reflection for a moment before meeting Sirius’ waiting eyes.

“I’m smart. I’m a good friend. I’ll fight for those I care about no matter the cost. I have a giving heart…I may be a sass queen…”

Sirius snorted.

“May be?”

You chuckled before turning around and hugging Sirius.

‘“Thank you, Sirius.”

Getting out of bed, you felt somewhat better. While Sirius could drive you crazy, he also knew how to make you feel a lot better.

He really does remind me of Regulus.

A truer thought couldn’t have been said about that one. Whether they argued and swore that they were totally different. Regulus and Sirius’ friendship styles were extremely similar. Standing in you in front of the mirror and making you list off good qualities about yourself was definitely something that Regulus would have done.

Stepping into the shower, you sighed in relief as the hot water washed over your aching muscles. In addition to your poor state of mental health, you had been pulling extra duties for The Order. This meant nightly patrols, tons of research, and spying on unsuspecting death eaters with Sirius and Remus.

“Hi sugar, I know that you miss me.”

You froze. This had been the first time that you had heard Regulus’ voice in your mind. Legilimency. Of course, Regulus could do this. You internally smacked yourself in the head as you “chose” to ignore him.

“Oh, you’re still not talking to me, huh? That’s too bad. I miss you, princess. Do you really expect me to go from spending every day with you for ten years to nothing so easily? I miss everything about you.”

You closed your eyes. Even though you were quite good at Occlumency, you made no move to push Regulus from your mind. Maybe you were asking for what you were getting. Maybe you were being weak…but damn it was wonderful to hear Regulus’ voice in your mind.

“Still nothing? Y/n, you really are being so stubborn. Maybe you should know what I miss. I miss seeing your beautiful face underneath me. How beautiful you look after I kiss your lips until they’re swollen and your cheeks are flushed bright pink. I miss how desperate you get when I suck on those dusty nipples. I miss how you move under me. You can’t tell me, love, that you don’t miss how your pussy trembles when I’m pushing in. Don’t forget, sweetheart, that it was I that showed you how to please a man. Now, that I know you are wet, how about a word? Anything…tell me where you are and I’ll come to you. We can fix all of these nasty little issues that we are having and get back to us…the real us.”

You bit your lip at “the real us.” Regulus didn’t remember what the real “Regulus and Y/n” was. He forgot what your friendship meant. He forgot what actual love was…

Forcing Regulus’ voice from your mind, you quickly turned off the shower.

“I have got to keep him out of my mind.”

You spent the majority of the day trying your best to avoid having your mind fall back to Regulus. Thankfully, there was enough crazy going on at the ministry to keep you busy for hours. The less that Regulus graced your mind the better. You weren’t able to sit around and think about his cocky voice in your head that morning…and how deliciously deep his voice sounded.

Merlin, I am really fucked.

You thought before putting your head down on your desk. Maybe you were more screwed than your realized?

Later that day you were more than happy to meet Remus and Sirius for dinner at a bar. Seeing your friends was just what you needed to “get out of your head.” The moment that you walked into the bar, Sirius motioned you over to the table.

Taking off your jacket, you nearly collapsed at the table. Normally, you would have kissed Remus and Sirius both on the top of their heads. Today, that wasn’t happening. Both men looked slightly offended as you held your hand up.

“Rain check. What a day! I am beat!”

You commented as Remus slid you a glass of fire whiskey. He gave you a small smile. Remus wasn’t a fool. He knew that there was more to your friendship with Regulus ending than what he was being told. Remus wanted nothing more than to question you and then go kill Regulus…but that would get him nowhere. You were depressed enough as it was. If he “offed” Regulus, you would be inconsolable. If Remus was to do anything, it would be to let you tell him in your own time.

What is it with Lupins finding the Blacks so damn interesting?

Remus looked across the table at Sirius who gave him a small smile.

Oh, that…that right there.

Remus added to his thoughts before turning to you.

“Long day?

You nodded.

“We don’t have many short ones any longer. I swear, this war needs to hurry the hell up. I don’t think that I was meant for this being careful thing. I ran into Augustus Rockwood today and had to stop myself from saying you’re next mother fucker.”

Sirius giggled.

“I’m surprised that you didn’t. Y/n, I have to say that Remus and yourself are the sassiest people that I know.”

“Does that assessment include yourself?”

Remus asked, cheekily. Sirius rolled his eyes.

“See what I mean? Sass!”

You leaned back in your chair and took a sip of your whiskey as the lights in the bar went out. Immediately, you reached for your wand as some death eaters walked into the bar.

“Boy, they sure like to make a big entrance.”

You murmured as Remus, Sirius, and yourself dropped to the floor. Remus’ eyes were wide as he turned to you.

“Get out. There is an exit in the back. Sirius and I will take the exit over there. If we all go together it will draw too much attention. If you want to go with Sirius, I’ll go the back way.”

You shook your head. The last thing that you were about to do was let them be separated. Besides, you could handle getting out on your own.

“No, just go. I’ll meet you lot back home.”

You whispered before crawling off toward the back of the pub as people in the bar started screaming. As much as you wanted to go back and fight, you knew it would be stupid. The three of you were outnumbered.

Once in the other room, you moved to stand up but someone grabbed you from behind. You quickly threw your elbow back hitting whoever it was in the ribs. When they made a painful moan, you pulled away enough to get a good look at who it was.

“Going somewhere, sugar?

You froze as Regulus took off his mask. As much as you wanted to stand and stare at him, you couldn’t. Taking out your wand you launched hex after hex at Regulus only for him to repel them away. You wanted him to hurt as much as you were hurting!

“Come on sugar is that the best you’ve got?”

Regulus said, sounding bored. You stopped and glared at him. You wanted Regulus to feel your misery. If there was anything of the man that you cared about in there…you wanted him to see your side.

“I don’t kill things. Unlike you, I don’t hurt people that I care about.”

Regulus chuckled.

“Oh, sugar. You really are mad.”

You picked up an empty bottle and threw it at Regulus. He sighed as it only hit him in the chest.

“Go away, Regulus. If you’re going to kill me then just be a man and do it.”

You snapped. Regulus was about to reply but stopped the moment that he heard Lucius Malfoy’s voice. He stood motionless for a moment before rushing forward and wrapping his arms around you.

“Don’t scream. Be silent.”

He hissed before standing his body upright. The last thing that Regulus wanted was for Malfoy to have any idea that he had “company.”

“Black, we need to go. Nothing that we came for is here. It was another piece of bloody useless information.”

You stood wrapped in Regulus’ arms clutching tightly to his death-eater robes as he gently rubbed soothing circles on your back.

Soothing…what is happening here?

You thought before taking a moment and breathing him in. Never in a million years did you think that you would ever be in Regulus’ arms like this again…yet here you were. There you were and he was holding you just as he did before turning away from you.

“I knew it was a waste of time. Go ahead, I’ll be along shortly. There is something else that I need to take care of.”

Regulus replied. He waited until he was positive that Malfoy was gone before letting go of you. When you looked back at your love’s face, he looked ready to panic. His cool calm composure was gone.

“Take the second door and get out of here. Turn into your animagus form the instant you are outside and don’t turn back into a human until you are home. Run and don’t look back…just run.”

“Reg..I…”

He shook his head before pulling you into a kiss. Neither of you moved away from the other for a moment. It was savoring the moment… enjoying the closeness that both of you missed. You sighed as Regulus’ tongue caressed yours. This was the kiss that you missed…the kiss that you longed for in your dreams…

Regulus was the first to pull away.

“Go! Stop wasting time…just please…go.”

You gave him one final look before morphing into your cat animagus form and rushing out the door into the dark silence of the ally way…

______ @amelie-black @jessyballet @knreidy1 @georgeweasleydumbhoe @justfinishthis @acciosiriusblack @siriuslyceleste @mimisparkle12 @teletubiswszpilkach @ell0ra-br3kk3r @darkenwolfie @livshifts @stelleduarte @starsval @millies0bsimp @coffeeaddictednymph @readtomeregulus @daddyslittlevillain @rogue-nyx88 @panpride @saramaple @missgorldafirst @s-we-e-t-t-ea @taylor-will-be-the-death-of-me @f4iryluvy @buttercup-beeee @i-love-scott-mccall @gugggu6gvai @jag9000 @quinis @yousmellllikecaca @mentally-unstable-hoe @haroldpotterson @padf00ts-l0ver @goldensunshineshit @aurorasnape12 @ad-astra-again @rubyroscoe1 @dumybitch @spideyxalmighty @lucasfilms77 @lostarc24 @marichromatic @play-morezeppelin @ravenhood2792 @un-lovesherself @melaninnbarbie @criminalyetminimal @brokencasbutt67-writer @authoressskr @moldy-old-boot @hankypranky @summer-novak @emiwrites3reads @shaylybaby2032 @knight-of-gleefulness @deanwherescas @sprnaturallover @wontlookaway @shitfaceddaniel-blog @untoldshortsofthefandoms @li0nh34rt @tas898 @mycuddlycorner

[usertiff]

sentence starters: across the universe

a part i gift to @tragedynoir for the 2024 gift exchange <3

i chose this movie for sentence starters, because i liked the vibes of it based off of your sun anke character, as well as her friend played by ashley moore! i obviously don't know the muses well, and the description was somewhat vague, buuuut... between her struggling with her sense of self, her dog-eat-dog mentality, her being an artist, seeking validation/etc, and the best friend being a bubbly actress, there's just a lot of themes there that reminded me of the movie. i suppose the movie has also been on my mind lately with some themes being on-point for irl issues as well. i hope you enjoy!

I can't have no one screwing up my beauty sleep before 2:00 PM.

What you do defines who you are.

Music's the only thing that makes sense anymore. Play it loud enough, it keeps the demons at bay.

I understand you need to get away.

I can't pretend like it didn't happen.

This was just a crappy wall, and now it's a work of art.

Time is not on our hands. Time is slipping through them.

If nobody's everybody, then someone can be anybody, right?

(about a sketch) Hey, you didn't get my left nipple right.

Well, I was drawing from a distance. I couldn't see it properly.

We're in the middle of a revolution!

What are you doing — doodles, and cartoons?!

You don't think it's worth trying?!

We all wanna change the world.

Don't you know it's gonna be all right?

I've never seen [her/him/them] like that…

Why did you stop writing?

It all seems a bit unreal.

They should be radical. You should be radical. We should all be radical.

Everything's really okay, I promise...

Well... everything below my neck works fine, anyway.

All you need is love.

the rest are under the cut!

I told myself, "When I'm 64, I'll be long gone from this place." But I'm still here.

You're gonna miss this place.

I sometimes feel you're not telling me everything.

I'll be back before you know it.

You need a break from me? Is that what this is?

While I'm away, I'll write home every day and send all my loving to you.

No such professor here. Listen, I've pissed off every professor in Princeton, and they're not one of them.

I believe I'm your [son/daughter/child].

Did [she/he/they] find someone else?

There were a few hopefuls over the years. I think I scared them off.

Look, I didn't come here to derail your life.

Fifteen bucks says you miss this shot. Fifty says your [sibling] still marries me.

You're wanted by the cops, eh? FBI?

You know, it looks to me as though you're the one on the run.

What would they have done if they caught you?

I'm never having children. Think about it, it's pure narcissism. I mean, people putting out little carbon copies of themselves, going: "Oh, doesn't he have his father's eyes? Doesn't he have his mother's lips?" It's… It's disgusting.

Is that fashionable? Your haircut? Or... lack of one.

Goddamn it! Be serious, for once!

What do you actually intend to do with your life? Why is it always about, "What will you do? What will you do? What will he do? Oh, my God, what will he do?" Why isn't the issue here who I am?

What you do defines who you are.

Sorry you had to sit through that.

My education is rarely a topic of conversation.

Turns out [he/she/they're] just a working stiff like myself.

I've spent half my life trying to hate [her/him/them].

I never realized I had it so easy. I mean... we're so... normal.

Goddamn it! It's like this every time I come home!

What the hell do they talk about when I'm not here?

He's a sailor on leave. He needs a bar, a brawl, and a brothel.

If I don't go back to college I'll do what any irresponsible, unmotivated dropout would do: go to New York. Like, tonight.

I can't have no one screwing up my beauty sleep before 2:00 PM.

You have a good memory for faces? There's no mirror in your bathroom.

What the hell are you doing, man?

I write my own songs. I got 20 in a notebook... another 10 in my head.

Music's the only thing that makes sense anymore. Play it loud enough, it keeps the demons at bay.

I understand you need to get away.

You don't have to talk about this.

I can't pretend like it didn't happen.

They were the first person I knew to die. I'd never even been to a funeral before.

This was just a crappy wall, and now it's a work of art.

I saw you at the peace march. I was moved by your speech.

You're up before 2 and looking wicked cool. Who's it for?

Time is not on our hands. Time is slipping through them.

No point butting your heads bucking the system.

Never knock the way another cat swings.

"I am me as you are he as you are me and we are all together."

If nobody's everybody, then someone can be anybody, right

(about a sketch) Hey, you didn't get my left nipple right.

Well, I was drawing from a distance. I couldn't see it properly.

Why were you so rude before? It wouldn't kill you to talk to [her/him/them].

We're in the middle of a revolution!

What are you doing — doodles, and cartoons?!

I would lie down in front of a tank if it would stop this war and bring [name] home!

You don't think it's worth trying?!

Maybe when bombs start going off here, people will listen.

We all wanna change the world.

I can't do this right now.

Don't you know it's gonna be all right?

I've never seen [her/him/them] like that...

Get this clown out of here! Now!

What is the matter with you? Why would you do that?

I'm sick and tired of violence.

Why did you stop writing?

It all seems a bit unreal.

Is this real enough for you?

They should be radical. You should be radical. We should all be radical.

This war just keeps going on and on and nobody's listening!

Everything's really okay, I promise...

Well… everything below my neck works fine, anyway.

I don't understand what the problem is.

Get your hands off me!

There's nothing you can do that can't be done.

There's no one to save who can't be saved.

All you need is love.

[fujiuro]

*Introduction*

Before all this Mario and Peach and kidnapping stuff, Bowser at the age of 15 had a normal student life studying at one of the best schools, Light Blues High School. Let's also say he wasn't one of the best students, having failed the 5th year of elementary school and been expelled from 2 schools for "accidentally" assaulting a teacher and abusing a principal.

*Bowser's point of view*

"Another shitty day at this school" I get up from my large bed to the sounds of Kamek calling me from downstairs.

Kamek: Hey Bowser, get up, or you'll be late Bowser: I know, damn it! Leave me alone, you annoying old man Kamek: Don't use those words on me, boy!

Bowser: Oh Kamek, go fuck yourself-

Kamek: BOWSER IS ENOUGH!I

stop right away to compose myself, then I go to the bathroom and take a shower and then I change into my school uniform “look how cool this all black uniform the tailor gave me, what a shame I had to beat him up to make this uniform” I say looking at myself in the mirror, I go downstairs and find Kamek making pancakes in the pan

Bowser: g...good morning  

Mr.Kamek~Kamek: good morning Bowser, you don't have to call me sir, sit down to eat

I pull up a chair and sit down and start eating the pancake and look at Kamek

Bowser's thought: to this day I don't understand him, even though I say those things and also have this rude or hammer behavior, he still smiles at me and makes my food, but I wish I were different more polite, kinder, less rude, more romantic~

I stop eating and look at Kamek sadly and ask

Bowser: Kamek why do you always smile at me and do you make my food?, since I was little I always treated you kind of badly and also cursed you

Kamek: you know bowser one of the things that makes me smile is seeing you every day..

Bowser: w..what??

Kamek: seeing how you are yourself and also how you don't care about what others say about you makes me happy,

Bowser: but what about my school and my future?

Kamek: the future....hhnmm...That's up to you, choices are like cards, each one chooses what they want to be, just try hard and go after it, a dream can be difficult but never impossible, and your school...... You know I don't like it when you mistreat someone or attack someone, try to be kind and understanding like a saying I heard a long time ago, do good to reap good, Bowser no matter what you say, I will always support you no matter what, and I worry a lot when you leave home and I'm afraid you'll never come back, but also if you see something that you think is fair do it, and if it's not fair do it too, do what your heart tells you hehehe isn't that right Bowser?..bowser....bowser...you are....

I wipe my tears crying even moreBowser:what's wrong old  diot..I...I'm not....I'm crying....I....I...More tears fall from my eyes

Bowser: I'M NOT CRYING YOU OLD IDIOT...I grab my backpack and keys and run out, slamming the door hard

Bowser: Bye Kamek, I promise I'll be back!I say, going to school, crying

[jihopesjoint]

hi

i need to overshare a bit which is undeserved given how much i don't contribute online but hey. i'm just trying to get outta my own head for a second

i came to tumblr at the end of 2022 with no intention of interacting or having a presence; i just wanted to be a silent reader. i lost that intention pretty much immediately because there are so many fucking delightful people in this community and i latched on pretty quickly because i've been somewhat isolated in my offline life. it's been a little over a year now, and i let this place become what most things become to me: a source of shame. i'm not reading enough, i'm not reviewing enough, i'm ignoring messages, i'm a bad friend, a flake, etc. i was so excited to be here, and then 2023 turned out to be one of the most exhausting years of my life

this isn't just about tumblr though. i ignore messages from my offline friends every day too. i don't have any social media on my phone. i was unemployed when i came back to tumblr and i'm recently unemployed again. i'm moving crosscountry in a fucking week and am about to live with my parents... again. i've moved out and back in with them 5 times now. i haven't packed a single thing. and for some stupid ass reason, i've decided it's time to go to grad school.

i'm so fucking tired. i'm. SO. fucking. tired. i want to go to sleep for like a decade, yes, but mostly i'm so tired of simultaneously not being enough and being too much emotionally. as in: i have too much anxiety and insecurity and i can't show up enough for myself or anyone else. i am tired of self-sabotaging and being paralyzed by overwhelm. i'm tired of seeing piles of my hair on the floor and i'm tired of looking in the mirror and seeing just how much hair i pulled out the day before, knowing that i'm just going to do it again. i'm tired of having to work so fucking hard to just *hope* that one day i'll have something to show for... whatever the fuck i've been doing for the entirety of my adult life. i'm tired of happiness in small bursts that dissipate quickly and leave me with... *gestures*. i'm tired of feeling like one singular message is too much to respond to. tired of self-isolating. tired of not even beginning to know what could help me, so even though i want to ask for support, i don't.

i have been in therapy and on meds for 10 YEARS!!!!!!!! many would argue that there's plenty to show for it, and i'm sure they're right. but for me (and maybe this is part of the problem) it's not enough. i'm disappointed in myself a lot.

wrapping it up. normally, i might compulsively say things that indicate that i know that i will be better eventually because otherwise folks are uncomfortable or worried. but i think that for once, for like two seconds, i need to let myself be fucking hopeless. i think that would do more for me than trying to talk myself out of negative feelings.

[tracesofdevotion]

i think that if i don't do something significant in my life, there was no point in me being born. i should have stayed a concept in god's cosmic notebook. i am scared that the most i will ever do in my life is work a minimum wage job. that i'll marry the first person who shows interest in me, have a two or three children, and go out quietly. i want to do something with my life. i do not want to be mediocre.

i am already mediocre. i have poor social connections. i have trouble meeting people's eyes. i am not interesting. i do not do anything that has any impact. i am lazy and cowardly. sometimes i dream about being famous, about people wanting to hear what i have to say. but that will never be a reality.

i hate my teeth. i hate my hair. i hate how i look in the mirror. i do not like how i dress and i do not like the words that flow out of my mouth. nothing that i do i regard with any fondness.

it's easy to say that if i don't like it, i should just change it. but i can't. i have no way of fixing any of it. i have no energy to fix anything. it's easier to wallow. it's easier to lay in my bed and look at my phone for hours than to confront my reflection.

sometimes i think, hey, maybe this is what being "real" is like. maybe this is the natural way of things. no one is ever happy with themselves, everyone has some aspect of themselves that they struggle with.

my only issue with that is that no, i am certain that this is a me problem. that yes, it is normal to dislike some aspect of yourself, but it isn't normal to be so repulsed by your own existence.

i envy artists, in a strange way. they have the ability to draw their pain, to spit it on the page and transform it into something beautiful. i wish that i had that talent. i wish that my pain could be turned into something valuable and worthwhile.

i have no passion or drive. i have nothing that makes me feel like my heart is bursting with pride and contentment. my only escape is reading or writing or sleeping. i could not even tell you what my top 5 hobbies are. my only goal right now is to graduate and get a job. i do not have career goals. i do not have life goals. i have only a vague idea of what i think "a good life" would be.

i hope that i don't sound like a typical whiny teenager. i know that my issues are not unusual nor are they particularly distressing. there are people who suffer far worse things. this is a self-inflicted depression, caused by myself. it is not a chemical imbalance, it is my own failure to be interesting.

i know that i am young, and i know that i am not doomed to be the person i am forever. i know that i have my whole life ahead of me. i know that my current situation is only temporary. but the knowledge of that doesn't stop the anxiety, nor does the belief that this will be a phase do anything to help the situation in this very moment, while i'm stuck in high-school and i'm trying to figure out what to do with myself.

i am stuck doing pointless work, in pointless classes, with people whom i do not get along with (and some who dislike me immensely). every day is spent worrying about the assignments i don't understand or cannot finish, stressing myself out over college applications i'm not prepared for, and the ever-looming reality of my uncertain future.

in my heart of hearts, i know that i am being somewhat dramatic. that i should be patient, that i will make it through this. i know all of this, and still it hurts.

[andypantsx3]

Hi Andie, I've been reading your fics since your first one savvy 3 years ago. Your fics have been a great source of comfort for me and I'd like to thank you for that. I'm writing to you anonymously so I know you can't answer me privately, you don't need to answer or publish this ask at all as I don't wish to stir discourse on your blog or put you in an uncomfortable situation. I've really been debating on sending this to you because I don't want you to feel like I'm guilt tripping you or expecting something from you, because I'm really not.

A lot of people at this time are posting about the situation right now in Israel with Gaza. They are doing it out of empathy and I'm sure you are too. I live in Israel and in the past 2 weeks I've been in and out of our bomb shelter with rockets falling in our area every day. 4 people I know have been murdered by Hamas, I went to their funerals. 2 of them were my classmates - one was at the music festival, she was hiding in a bomb shelter that the murderers threw a grenade into. She was supposed to get married this week. One was guarding one of the towns that were infiltrated. One was my schoolmate's father who was biking in the area. And one was my neighbor's 19 year old cousin. I just want you to know that we've been hurt too. 1300 people have died and 200 are still kidnapped within Gaza. Women were raped and children were killed. This is not propaganda, I know those people. It IS a war, and I really wish it was over. I wish none of it ever happened. I've been reading your fics and following your blog in this nightmare situation, just trying to distract myself. Israeli people are not cartoon villains, not even the ones who are 'zionists'. We're all just afraid of being hurt. I'm just a normal woman, around your age... I guess it just made my heart sink to think that if you knew I was reading your fics you would think of me, my friends and my family as murderers or something. Everyone I know is scared out of their minds. Almost all reservists were conscripted and nobody wants them to go because we know some of them won't come back. Everyone just wants their loved ones to be safe and healthy. I just wish people saw us too. I've been on the left leaning side of the political map my whole life and I still am, the entire country is so livid with our government because we know this is their fault. But I just feel so torn between what I see online and my lived experience in this moment. I don't want anymore people to be hurt anymore anywhere.

I will continue to silently follow your wonderful writing and blog, and I wish you well.

Hey! I appreciate you looking out for me and saying I don't need to publish this but after reading, I wanted to make sure there was space for your voice on my blog too.

I think at least I personally am appalled at the generational, systematic genocide of the Palestinian people and I become more livid the more I learn about it. But at the same time, I have a fair few Israeli friends and know that the hard right Israeli government does not represent all, or even most, of Israeli citizens, and that you guys are hurting too, beyond imagination.

I am sorry if any of my posting has given that impression; I would absolutely never think that of Israelis on an individual level.

One thing I have not at all liked about the discourse I have seen in leftist spaces is the flattening of this war. You can hold two ideas in your head at the same time, the idea that Israel has oppressed Palestine for generations (with the full unwavering support and military funding of my American government, might I add) and the idea that the people who were hurt in the Hamas terrorist attacks, many of them children, deserved absolutely none of what happened to them. You are right to be shaken and hurt and terrified. I am so so sorry for your losses too.

I have been posting what I have because I am particularly terrified for Palestinian citizens, as I see how neatly Israel's response mirrors the US's outsized response after the 9/11 attacks. We were responsible for the deaths of millions of innocent people who had nothing to do with the 9/11 attacks, just as Israel has been killing Palestinians who had nothing to do with Hamas. So as an American, this aspect has been particularly haunting for me.

But my thoughts are with you and your family and your friends too, and if you ever want to talk about anything with me you are absolutely welcome to do so. I want you and your loved ones safe and healthy as much as I want that for the people of Palestine. Please, please, please stay safe.

[astrronomemes]

PINK: MISUNDERSTOOD STARTERS (PART I)

a collection of lyrics from Pink's Misunderstood album. change & alter as needed.

"I might be the way everybody likes to say."

"I know what you're thinking about me."

"Everything I want, I always do."

"Well, I'm happy, and I'm sad, but everything's good."

"It's not that complicated."

"I'm just misunderstood."

"I just might say goodbye."

"I'm really proud of all the things I used to do."

"I was taken for granted, but it's all good."

"I never win first place."

"My parents hated me."

"I can't do nothing right."

"Every day, I fight a war against the mirror. I can't take the person staring back at me."

"I'm a hazard to myself."

"I'm my own worst enemy."

"It's bad when you annoy yourself."

"I want to be somebody else."

"All you have to change is everything you are."

"She's so pretty. That just ain't me."

"Won't you please prescribe me something?"

"I think I took too much."

"What have you done?"

"I thought it would be fun."

"I think I'll get out of here."

"You're just like a pill. Instead of making me better, you keep making me ill."

"I haven't moved from the spot where you left me."

"This must be a bad trip."

"Maybe I should get some help."

"Everybody is waiting for me to arrive."

"I can go for miles, if you know what I mean."

"I'll be burning rubber. You'll be kissing my ass."

"Everybody's dancing, and they're dancing for me."

"I get really sick and tired of boys up in my face."

"Pick-up lines like what's your sign? won't get you anyplace."

"So, Mr. Big Stuff, who do you think you are?"

"Nothing good comes for free."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall... damn, I sure look fine."

"I can't blame those horny boys. I would make me mine."

"Back up, boy, I ain't your toy, or your piece of ass."

"Give it up. He won't call you."

"Respect is just the minimum. Go on, girl, and get you some."

"You can't keep me down."

"Hey, hey, man, what's your problem?"

"You don't know what you're up against."

"Maybe you should reconsider, come up with another plan."

"You know I'm not that kind of girl."

"You can push me out the window. I'll just get back up."

"Are you ready for today?"

"You are beautiful, even though you're not for sure."

"You're gonna get your feelings hurt."

"I am only this way because of what you have made me."

"I'm not gonna break."

"[Name], please, stop crying. I can't stand the sound."

"Your pain is painful, and it's tearing me down."

"I told [name] you didn't mean those nasty things you said."

"I don't want love to destroy me like it has done my family."

"Can't we work it out?"

"Can't we be a family?"

"I promise I'll be better."

"[Name], please, stop yelling. I can't stand the sound."

"I don't want to have to split the holidays, I don't want two addresses, I don't want a stepbrother anyways, and I don't want my mom to have to change her last name."

"In our family portrait, we look pretty happy. We look pretty normal. Let's go back to that."

"[Name], don't leave! Turn around, please!"

"The night you left, you took my shining star."

"Don't leave us here alone."

"I'll be so much better! I'll do everything right!"

[mental-health-advice]

Hi, I just wanted to vent and ask for advice. I'm a 14F, and I've been struggling with anxiety. I haven't been diagnosed, or even tested because I can't tell anyone anything that I've been struggling with. I've never cried, it started when I cried after I got hurt at a sports game and my dad told me to stop crying. I can't remember if he said this, but I remember the words "you're embarrassing yourself" that could be the start of my deprecating thoughts. I struggle with self love sometimes. I just look in the mirror and I think to myself that I look ugly. I even look back at old photos and videos I thought I looked good in and just see some ugly girl. I'm not exactly the most social person, but I don't have trouble talking to most people. I tend to be loud and boisterous(?) during class with my friends and with boys I like. I'm not here to talk about boys though. I just feel all this pressure on me which I put on myself. I have to be the smartest, the nicest, not a mean person although I have mean humor sometimes. I have to not say anything because my brother is having anxiety etc. issues and my parents think I'm the "normal" one. I have to be cool, and I've started to crack. I cry every second day. I used to not cry for a year, have one bad day, and cry for 5 minutes. I was 10-13. Am I in the wrong? Is something messed me up? My parents aren't abusive, they tell me and my brother they love me all the time. But one time I didn't get any information about an award at my school and my mum questioned it. She didn't think I wasn't going to get an award because I get them all the time. Because of my intelligence which I put pressure on myself for. I can't talk to anyone and it makes my parents upset and I have no solutions. Even now I'm trying to cry but I'm thinking that I'm being dramatic, and I'm not worth being able to cry and I'm thinking that I have no problems worth crying. This isn't helping the weight on my chest and in my throat go away even though it usually works. I just feel so worthless sometimes and I wonder if Im a poorer version of myself that I used to be. Am I really the best me? Because I can't help but feel that past mes would hate seeing me as I am now.

The thing I'm asking you guys is what to do? Im not able to try counseling because I can't talk to anyone. Please help if you can, but if you can't don't worry about it. Please respond though so I know you have no solutions.

Thanks,

M

Hey there,

Firstly, there is always a solution/s to any problems that a person may have, sometimes you just need to think outside of the box to find them!

It is quite normal to cry, even on a regular basis and so I find it unusual to hear of a person who may not cry for a whole year only to then have a bad day or two, cry for a short period of time and then not cry for another year or so. I am not saying that this doesn’t happen, but crying is a healthy way of getting through life and especially if we are having (like you mentioned) a really bad day or if you are struggling with something or feel as though everything is just way too much and you just need an outlet of some kind to release what may be building up or erupting from inside of you.

It must have been so difficult for you when your Dad mentioned to you that when you cried after being injured at a sports game, that he told you to stop because you were embarrassing yourself. Sometimes, crying can just be automatic. So for example something happens or we get hurt either physically or emotionally and so our immediate reaction is to cry. This is OK. This is normal. And so maybe it was more to do with your Dad feeling uncomfortable with the fact that you were crying, even though in life, there is nothing wrong at all with crying and it is something that we all do and at times cannot control.

I am so sorry that you feel as though you cannot speak up to your parents in regards to your own struggles due to your brother having his own anxieties and other things going on for him. It’s important to know though that you are important too though and your parents won’t love you any less for allowing yourself to tell them that you struggle with anxiety yourself but often feel like you have to be completely OK and/ or the normal one. Often when we have siblings who struggle and it is known by our parents, we can often feel overlooked or not get as much attention as compared to our other sibling/s due to our parents feeling as though we do not need as much because we are OK and normal. This is why it’s important to try to be as honest as you can with your parents because as you already said the cracks are starting to show, and so wouldn’t it be easier to let them know now before you begin to feel worse or things start getting worse for you? It’s never too late to put your hand up to your parents or anyone really and just say ‘help’ or ‘I’m not OK either’, so I would gently recommend you talking to your parents if you feel able and comfortable in doing so – even if it’s through a letter if this is easier for you to do.

In regards to struggling with self-love, it sounds as though you may have low self-esteem and so you look down upon yourself and everything that you do and see about and within yourself. So it may be beneficial to work on building up your self-esteem slowly – I say slowly because if we do anything too fast then we can easily become overwhelmed which will only worsen the situation.

So, how can a person build up their self-esteem?

You could try to do things like each week or day thinking of one thing about yourself that you actually like. It could be in regards to your personality or something about your looks. So for me, one thing I really do like about myself is my hair – I don’t know why but I just do and feel as though I’d be lost without it!

Another idea may be to write out a list of positive things about yourself. So, what are you good at? What qualities do you have about yourself? Are you a caring and kind person. Are you better at one thing over another. What do you enjoy doing. What are your favourite hobbies or interests. Writing out positive things about yourself (and they could include anything) can be really helpful and especially re-reading through them when we are really struggling, it can also help us to think about other things we like and can re-enforce to us that we are actually an OK person and there is nothing wrong with us at all!

Also trying to be kind to yourself and allowing yourself to feel whatever emotion that comes up. So whether this is anger, sadness, happiness or joy. Allow these emotions to come and go and remind yourself that any emotion you are feeling is OK and is completely valid. Meaning that it’s also OK to cry, about anything, big or small. We all find ourselves crying at different things depending on the person we are inside, so never doubt or feel like you shouldn’t be crying yourself – it’s OK and is a valid thing to do whenever you need to!

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren

[the-whumpening]

I Still Burn, Part 1 [Son of Bat]

Masterpost | Next

James is out of the hospital and recovering at home, but getting back to normal is much harder than he expected.

———————————————————————

“Even when they think I'm at my end, I get up again”

CW: suicidal ideation, non-sexual nudity, depression

———————————————————————

Over the next several days, James slowly regained more and more of his mobility. It was amazing how just two weeks—a measly fourteen days!—could undo years of training and hard work. Now, his fragile legs wobbled, his overworked shoulders shaking as he clung to a walker. More often than not, he had to be pushed in a wheelchair or heavily supported. He hated every second of it; it was like some sick cosmic joke, the body-builder having to rebuild himself from scratch.

Anger was the defining presence as he recovered in the hospital. Although his mood easily swung in every direction, the default seemed to always land back there. James’ temper had never been well-controlled, but he struggled even more now to keep from lashing out. He certainly wasn’t angry at his friends—how could he be? They’d stayed by his side the entire time, comforted him when he was confused and hurt, taken care of him while he was unconscious; they did everything they could to be there for him, and he appreciated it more than he could ever express. So why, then . . . why did he find himself snapping at them—“I can do this myself! Leave me alone!”—over the smallest things? He’d been told the head injury could make things worse: make him irritable, confused, forgetful, sensitive . . . He didn’t realize he could feel all of those at once.

He was grateful when he was finally discharged and able to go back home, though everyone else seemed unsure if he was ready. He didn’t care; he missed his bed, his neat and tidy room, his instruments, his familiar four walls. He missed having things to do, besides physical therapy and appointments with doctors. If he could just get home, he could put this behind him and get back to work. But first, he had to fix the ragged, damaged mess of hair he had left.

James sat in a chair in the kitchen—exactly how Debby used to cut his hair back in high school—with Molly sitting in front of him. She held his hand while Debby cut, snipping tiny pieces at a time. They offered him a mirror, but he didn’t want to see what she was doing; the thought of it alone made his hands shake and his jaw clench. It was slow-going, every few snips intercut with Molly’s soothing words as panic welled up in him.

“They should’ve just let me die,” he mumbled through hissing breath. Molly smacked his shoulder—just enough to rattle him and get his attention. She had never been one to let him get away with self-pity; out of all his friends, she was the one who was never shy to call him out.

“I think you look nice, still,” Debby chimed in, circling around to lift up his chin and look at his face. “Yep. Still handsome.” She pinched his cheek and returned to her work. “I know you miss it. And I know how much it meant to you. But if I had to choose, I’d rather have you.” Debby, too, had a talent for knowing just what to say.

When they finished, James reluctantly agreed to see the aftermath. It was certainly him in the handheld mirror—the same deep-set eyes, the same crooked nose, the same square jaw—but it didn’t feel like him. Healing bruises and scars dotted the landscape of his sharp features. His piercings had been removed during his long hospital stay, and a few had begun to close up. (The impulse to fix it itched in his brain, but he tried to ignore it and push it down for now.) And his hair . . . Debby did her best, but the sight still ignited that old flickering anger and fear.

He rested his head against the mirror, fighting to hold back the shaking, screaming sobs building in his throat. Single, silent tears dripped down his nose and onto his thighs.

“Hey,” Molly gently pressed, “why don’t we get you in the shower and rinse that out so you’re not all itchy?”

A shower . . . He’d almost forgotten that luxury after this whole ordeal. A long, hot shower had always been a sacred, almost ritualistic part of his meticulous routine; growing up, it was often the only semi-guaranteed privacy he was afforded.

He allowed Molly to help him up and escort him to the bathroom. Unfortunately, his hopes for his sacred, private ritual were dashed—he needed help with everything. Undressing, covering his casts, even washing his own hair; never mind the fact that he couldn’t stand for more than a few minutes. He resigned to Molly’s assistance, sitting on the too-small plastic stool they luckily had kept for Cass’ occasional overnight stays.

“Mol?” he grumbled over the roar of the shower.

“Yeah?”

“Did they take out my Prince Albert in the hospital?” Looking down at his lap, he inspected himself for the piercing hole, finding only a scar in its place.

“Yeah . . . Sorry. They had to take it out to do the catheter. I tried to keep as many of your piercings open as I could, but with all the x-rays and stuff, it was impossible to keep up with them all. Like, as soon as I got them all back in, they’d need them out for another scan.”

He nodded solemnly. He knew that if Molly wasn’t able to do it, nobody would have. Still, he was disappointed. “Oh . . . I really liked that piercing.”

She turned the water off and wrapped a towel around his shoulders. “I know. I know, J.” It was all she had to say.; truthfully, sometimes it seemed like they shared the same mind. So, of course she knew . . .

So much of his pride had been taken from him in the past weeks: his strength, his independence, his beloved hair, and now even the secret he and Molly shared. The private knowledge he’d allowed her—and her alone—to access. What was even left? What part of himself remained untouched, unviolated, hidden away?

Molly helped him dry off and redress in clean clothes, though in the moment he’d have rather spent the rest of his life shriveled on the bathroom floor. He glanced in the half-fogged mirror one last time before leaving; some part of him hoped this was just a nightmare he’d wake up from eventually, but his smeared reflection confirmed his fears. It was all real.