#event spoofing

[kaiowut99]

ZeXal Meets Adult Swim: The Episode

[oswaldddavis]

(They think the other is a idiot)

[smile-files]

goodness gravy why did i stay up past midnight drawing wally darling with his guts spilled everywhere. what the bug

[anarcho-mom-unist]

If I go too long without brushing my hair, it just turns me into a slapstick joke-machine. A tangle near the ends of my hair literally got caught on one of the little structurally supportive knobs on the toilet seat.

What kind of Three Stooges ass nonsense is this, honestly!?

[rosietherivendell]

So you live in the iwtv universe and world renowned, award winning journalist, Daniel Molloy seemingly cannot stop creating category 5 blogging events because he's gone off the rails, wrote a book where he supposedly interviews a vampire, and is either unwaveringly commiting to the bit or genuinely believes that vampires are real. At some point your friend gets tickets to a concert for some guy whose whole shtick is vampirism and you think what the hell could be fun so you go and in the VIP section is none other than Daniel Molloy and then it hits you the artist is a character in Molloy's book. You log on to tumblr and make a post about "Interview with the Vampire" being rpf (you spoof the "sold to One Direction" fic except the main character is Molloy and you get a stupid amount of notes). Couple months go by and now Molloy is doing this big broadcast interview with the artist and all the pieces start coming together. Fucking world renowned award winning journalist Daniel Molloy wrote a whole book and nuked his reputation not because he's crazy or on drugs but because he's a shill for the music industry and the whole thing has to be a marketing campaign for this new up and coming artist Lestat de Lioncourt. Tumblr has a field day.

[infamousbondagemurder]

DUCK! THE CARBINE HIGH MASSACRE - EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW!

Hello!!!! i’m very autistic and I wanted to put my effort into something I could share with you all, so without any more unnecessary ranting here’s all you need to know about duck! the carbine high massacre. please comment anything I should add or any mistakes I may make, beware this is my first post like this so im a newby go easy on a gal!

Full film:

https://youtu.be/UScvX4bjExg?si=Cohq29YGoYCsOtBY

Trailer:

https://youtu.be/zNtUviDpyQg?si=23nQgFQo75OQ-RC_

Film soundtrack:

https://youtu.be/2ky9FrEj8Fk?si=DqRVcTdFQEtJ6owC

Website archived:

https://web.archive.org/web/20040815013848/http://www.duck2k.com/docs/carbine_comm.html

Other interviews unrelated to specifically this film:

https://youtu.be/gEbZVXdsX-U?si=cG5bTGb41ee-1fFh

https://youtu.be/WUjqIoDidr4?si=sDMMUzzKhIWImuL5

https://youtu.be/W04lj1BdK0o?si=DHRIixDEpn39KBne

Filming:

Duck! the Carbine High Massacre was a spoof about Columbine that was made soon after the massacre, infact only 6 months after. It was created by Joey Smack (Joseph Miller) and William Hellfire (William Apriceno) two (at the time) collage aged film makers. A lot of viewers received it as this as distasteful and terrible, but others find this to be one of the greatest movies of all time. Smack and Hellfire mainly made a living on creating fetish content for their small but loyal cult following, but unlike most of Smack and Hellfires other films this one was based on true events and NOT made for fetish content. (it only had a few titties here and there ;-D) A lot of people who had starred the movie had received a lot of back lash including piles of death threats.

Duck, along with most other Factory 2000 films was edited in Adobe premier and shot on VHS cameras including a broadcast Super VHS camcorder, a handheld RCA, and another unidentified camcorder.

The films first dvd release was in 2004, along with minor color corrections.

The whole budget was about 3,000$ along with inexperienced actors, most of them being Hellfire and Smacks friends taking some time off work.

On Columbines anniversary they had a showing of the film at CBGB’s where an interview with Court Tv was held and they had stated some of the reasons behind making the movie, what they would say to the parents at Columbine, and the reasoning behind making the movie.

It was here where they explained they were *not* making fun of the victims but instead the media in America’s portrayal of all the victims and the shooters on the news.

Interview:

https://youtu.be/QjPlPsGUuKI?si=gel6kBCbpzmUmiDE

The producers had gotten arrested for creating this film, not because of the crude nature but because they had brought fire arms onto school property .

Court Tv producers getting arrested:

https://youtu.be/i7LiNTkksJs?si=C8IbynDgwj9oP9YE

The film racked up $6,034 in the box office and the film was said to have helped pay Hellfires legal fees.

Experiences on set:

William hellfire stated that he did remember filming and creating most of duck because he was so drugged up on pain killers he was using to treat his cancer pains. He had no remorse or regret for making the film

Chris Perez hopped on reddit to describe his experience “Fun and loose. Everyone was really laid back and chill and we had a good time with the filming. There was a script, but we also improved a lot of stuff. Sometimes, Bill, Joe, and Todd would just give us a general idea of what they wanted us to do and say and we'd work off that.” He along with many others would receive blowback from the incident.

Misty Mundae said that the film was a "crappy little movie" which "has permanently staked its place in underground cult cinema"

Cast:

Derick- Joey Smack (Joseph Miller)

Derwin- William Hellfire (William Apriceno)

Retard- Henry Krinkle

Bible Girl- Misty Mundae (Erin Brown)

Play Girl- Lilly Tiger

Car Kid- Chris Perez

Spam Jock- Michael Ovum

Benchpress- Ryan Trimmer

Afro-American- Kendall "Shorty" Ward

Song Girl- Mazur

Goth Boy- Mike Roser

Goth Girl- Liz Bathory

No Info Boy- Michael Lema

The Principal- Larry Wellman

The Janitor- Rodney Sleurtols

Policeman- Karl Pitt

Plot:

With a running of 101 minutes Duck! the Carbine High Masscre was about spoof about the events that took place at Columbine on April 20th, 1999. The movie took place at Carbine high school where two bullied, neo-nazi, trenchcoat wearing high-school students, Derick and Derwin fail at a double suicide attempt. While walking home Derwin gets attacked by jocks and misses school the next day. After school it is then the two high schoolers plan a massacre against their school. The pair then bought several guns from a black market dealer. The next day the two boys bid farewell to their parents for the last time and head to school with the guns in arm. Once they get to school they head to the cafeteria trying to get the student’s attention, when yelling failed Derwin got onto a chair and yelled “What’s for lunch?” before the two began shooting. The two kill several people in gruesome manners before heading down to the basement and sharing a last cigarette before shooting each other.

Other films:

William Hellfire and Joey Smack typically made fetish films and soft-core porno flicks, some notable ones include (but are not limited tooooo!) Erotic Survivor, Silk Stocking Strangler, Vampire Strangler, TITanic 2000, and so many other underground gems. I, infamousbondagemurder sincerely urge you to watch these movies, buy the dvds, and support the living William Hellfire.

Here’s a link to watch more movies by William (unfortunately not ALL his movies are on this keep in mind. i also did not create this link so credits to the creator, which i’m not sure who the creator is)

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-2iH0WjcolYtbat61F2zLs8SSw5dbMy15mnCnuq4suE/edit

What most people don’t know is Joey Smack starred in the semi-popular film Where the Dead go to Die, where he voice acted as the characters Ralph Stanley, Tommy’s father, and The legless war veteran. He dropped iconic lines in this movie such as: “You fuckin’ dog! What the fuck are you some sort of faggot cannibal! Aggghhh! Your eatin’ my dick!”

Dvd:

Hello! so I am basing this off of the DVD that I personally own, these details may differ from DVD to DVD so if you own a different sort of DVD, please comment anything extra that you have on yours.

Dvd includes:

* Deleted scenes

* Behind COURT TV- cbgb’s screening

* PRODUCER/DIRECTOR interviews

* TODAY is the DAY LIVE in Hoboken NJ

* KING GHIDORAH! LIVE in Hoboken NJ

* Original trailers

* Shooting gallery

* Film soundtrack

* And of course, this wonderful shitty movie :-)

Rest in peace Joey Smack:

On Saturday June 29th, 2019 Joseph Robert Miller, better known by many fans as ‘Joey Smack’ passed away. The circumstances are unknown and a mystery to all fans. There are rumors of suicide but there are no confirmations. I advice you to read his obituary and donate to catholic charities, diocese of paterson, the charity which paid his brother joshua's medical bills after his passing in 1998.

Joseph was loved by many and passed at the age of 41. Fans, family and friends all mourn him to this day. He was described by friends as a kind hearted true and utter weirdo, who had lived in his own world. he didn’t talk to many people but if you had been let into his select group, he would go out of his way to make friends laugh and smile with his warped sense of humor.

His memorial services were held Tuesday, July 2nd, 2019 from 5:00 to 8:00 p.m. at Browning-Forshay funeral home on Lafayette Ave in Hawthorne.

Rest in peace Joey Smack, a truely great man who loved what he did and put so much love into all of his creations. Well wishes to his surviving family and friends:

Joey Smacks obituary:

https://emeto.neocities.org/joeysmack

CREDS:

Mainly wiki like a chud

Actors themselfs

The dvd

I’m dumb

[glitchgh0sty]

Decepticon!Prowl: Cycle 97. Light

*Laughs only a little bit evilly*

Jazz: Don’t worry friend, the light isn’t anything to fear,, <3

Prowl: .. Affirmative

And that was the serious take, alternatively,, have some spoof, 🫶😂

When I think about Prowl in the Decepticon context, I feel as though he might have learned to interpret several aspects of living independently to be below his line of code. [The line of code he doesn’t actually have, but doesn’t want to admit to not having]

And it’s not that he doesn’t WANT to enjoy these activities, but by “indulging” himself to these activities [taking a break, eating fun food, watching entertainment, playing games, GOING. OUTSIDE] he is admitting that he is “human” [in this context] and not functioning as operably as he could be in comparison to his peers Soundwave and Shockwave,, [who are kinda just built different anyways, TuŤ]

And when I say “peers”, I mean the closest thing Prowl’s got to consistent company,, like if you’ve got an extremely motivated friend. But all of their friends are also extremely motivated. And also extreme motivation is what’s expected of your dystopian society 💀

Spoof thought: Soundwave, Shockwave, and Prowl do get together occasionally as like a weekly “social” event for them [mandatory rank bonding] and they all sit on the floor to see who can file the most paperwork before they pass out,,

Visual aid:

For some reason,, Soundwave keeps winning ,:|

Context ✨ Beautiful Writing

[robo-milky]

Oh Miss Yuuen, you should’ve left that “helpless” girl to burn…

TWST chapter cover spoof featuring Yuuen! It’s such a shame the official translations got rid of the commentary…

[Ramble]

• THEY’RE JUST ROOMMATES (in canon) !! Well, it is an ongoing gag for Yuuen to practice flirty musical lines on Cloche (or more fem presenting characters), and it’ll never go anywhere. (If anyone’s curious of Yuuen’s orientation, she’s still figuring that out too)

• In the event that Yuuen and Cloche are transported together… Unfortunately Yuuen accidentally objectifies Cloche at times- Before they get to know each other, Yuuen has the false idea that Cloche is this damsel-in-distress who needs saving, and can do no wrong. Since Yuuen is so much more giving than Cloche, Yuuen subconsciously feels entitled to call the shots and speak on Cloche’ behalf. (Cloche is kinda terrible to Yuuen as well- as Cloche turns a blind eye to Yuuen overworking herself and shrugging it all off as “Yuuen’s choices have consequences, this has nothing to do with me”. Over time they do get closer, and have a little bit of each other’s selfishness/selflessness rub off on each other. Additionally, with Yuuen sharing the burden, Cloche wouldn’t have been infatuated with Rook as a coping mechanism.)

• I think Yuuen and Neige would be really cute! Platonic? As a ship? Either way, I just like Yuuen playing more of a princely role.

• Although Yuuen aims to be a Top Star, she ends up having a bit more traditional values/ideas. (Foils Cloche in this aspect, where Cloche thinks way less of gender roles and rolls with anything without judgement) It’s interesting that although Takarazuka deconstructs gender roles for women, it also reinforces them- so I wanted to reference a bit of that in Yuuen.

• Would be sorted into Heartslabyul if assigned a dorm

[anomalyaly]

The Nut Cracked

Summary: Sebastian Sallow doesn't understand muggle holiday traditions. But this one, he could get on top of.

OR, a spoof of 'The Nutcracker', but make it feral.

NSFW. ALL CHARACTERS ARE 18+. MINORS DNI.

[AO3/Wattpad]

3k words. Written for a NSFW discord server event: The Naughty List.

This is NOT canon to the 'Secrets' universe hahaha or is it

Tags: Explicit sexual content, objectophilia if you squint, seventh year, orgasm denial, Sebastian has blue balls and doesn't know how to handle it

Sebastian didn't understand muggle holiday traditions.

The brightly decorated Ravenclaw girl presented him with a small parcel that he had initially been excited to unwrap. But, as much as he loved seeing the look on Elsie's face as she handed it to him, he couldn't understand why, out of all the gifts she could have chosen, she had picked out an odd-looking wooden doll.

"It's a nutcracker!" She beamed. "My parents can never be bothered to figure out what to get me or my siblings, so they usually send us a whole slew of stuff."

"And...you saw an old man doll and it reminded you of me?" Sebastian turned it around in his hands questioningly. He tried his hardest to seem grateful, but truthfully, he was utterly confused.

She scoffed. "It's not an old man doll. It's a traditional gift that originated in Germany to ward off evil spirits and –"

"Evil spirits?" He laughed. "The only evil spirit we have to worry about during this time of year is Peeves."

"Well, if you don't want it –"

He abruptly yanked his arm away from her and held the wooden figure closer to himself. "I never said I didn't want it. I just think it could be more...appealing."

She tilted her head, her brows furrowed in confusion. "How so?"

Sebastian grinned slyly and picked up his wand, waving it in front of the nutcracker and transfiguring it to look like a girl with wavy, dark hair and freckles dusted along her nose and cheeks. He held it up proudly. "There. Much prettier to look at."

He was met with an eye roll as she stood from the couch and stretched. "If you say so."

Sebastian hadn't been particularly secretive about his feelings for Elsie in recent months. In fact, he thought he was being blatantly obvious, doing everything short of outright telling her due to her relationship status being a bit complicated. Even so, he did his best to hide his irritation every time she brushed off another one of his comments as a sarcastic quip.

It certainly hadn't helped that the other day, she had trudged back from another one of her adventures in the Highlands sopping wet from the snow, the already thin material of her blouse nearly transparent as it clung tightly to her form, her nipples peaked from the cold. He had spent half of the night restless, the other half with his hand wrapped around his cock every time the tantalizing image replayed itself in his mind.

The castle was nearly empty as the two of them spent Christmas at Hogwarts together, and all he could focus on was how frustrated he had felt.

"I should turn in for the night," Elsie sighed, glancing at the time. "I promised Lydia that we would still leave milk and cookies out for Father Christmas. She's very adamant about keeping to tradition."

Sebastian bit the inside of his cheek as he forced himself not to beg her to stay with him for the night. It wasn't like the prefects or professors cared to parade the halls during the holiday with so many students gone. But she likely didn't see him that way. His streak of terrible luck would have him falling for someone he couldn't have.

"Alright," he murmured, hiding the disappointment in his tone. He held up the wooden doll. "Thanks for the, uh...gift?"

She grinned. "Have no fear. We'll exchange our actual gifts tomorrow. But," she tapped the nutcracker's brunette head, "I suppose now, you'll have the nutcracker version of me to help keep you safe."

Sebastian's eyes followed the sway of her hips as she headed toward the gate of the Undercroft. He quickly averted them when she turned back to look at him. "Happy Christmas, Sebastian. See you tomorrow?"

He nodded. "Yeah, see you. Happy Christmas."

She gave him one last soft smile, and the gate clanged shut behind her. Sebastian sighed. Guess I ought to head back to my common room for the evening. He grabbed the tiny doll and sauntered back to his dorm, feeling even more tense than he had been hours before.

It was going to be a long two weeks.

~

Sebastian awoke the next morning, exhaustion creeping in. He needed to get control of his thoughts before he –

"Good morning!"

A light, feminine voice chirped at him from his bedside. The rest of the dorm room was noticeably empty — Sebastian assumed Ominis had left for breakfast early, not wanting to wait while he slept in.

It still didn't explain why Elsie was standing by his bed on Christmas morning. She would never sneak into the Slytherin common room without good reason, let alone his bedroom, even with how often he had teased and prodded her to spend time with him there.

He rubbed his face, his eyes still bleary. "Elsie? What are you –"

The words died in his throat once he finally took a proper look at her. She was smiling coyly at him, her raven hair free and cascading down her back. But what surprised him the most wasn't the expression on her face or the loose, dark strands that curled along her freckled, pink cheeks. It was what she was wearing.

Instead of a Christmas jumper, like she had promised she would have on, Elsie donned the bright red uniform reminiscent of the nutcracker she had gifted him the night prior. It was loose on her small form, barely hanging on to her shoulders, and short enough that it hardly covered the creamy skin of her thighs. He knew he should look away, or at least tell her that she was far too exposed for her liking.

"You're uh..." He cleared his throat. "What...what are you wearing?"

"Oh, this?" She playfully slid the top further down her shoulders. His hungry gaze followed the line down her collarbone and towards the curve of her breasts.

This wasn't like Elsie at all. The girl he knew wouldn't have been dressed like this in his presence, especially because they hadn't so much as kissed yet. She would be flustered, finding anything she could to cover herself up, and likely avoiding him afterward for days out of sheer humiliation.

"Why so shy?" She asked. It was definitely her voice but with a sultry tone. "This is what you wanted, isn't it?"

Sebastian swallowed. How could she have known that? "W-what do you mean?"

Elsie shrugged. "You made me. I heard your wish, and I'm here to grant it."

He blinked. Made?! "If this is some sort of muggle holiday prank, Elsie, it's really not funny."

She chuckled and sat next to him on the bed, draping an arm over his bare chest, and leaned forward to whisper in his ear. "It's not. I'm your nutcracker, silly."

Oh. Oh.

The nutcracker he had mindlessly transfigured last night to look like Elsie had somehow become sentient. And now, Elsie, or at least a perfect copy of her, was practically on top of him, half-naked and promiscuously alluring. It was something he had only dreamed about in the darkest hours of the night, alone in his bed with a silencing charm cast over him.

His thoughts were racing wildly as he drank in the sight of her. She was close enough now and leaning in at just the right angle that he could see entirely down her top, and his breath caught in his throat as he realized that, underneath, she was completely bare. He shifted on the bed as he felt his erection press tightly against his pajama bottoms, quickly losing any scrap of restraint he had left, which hadn't been much to begin with. This was wrong, wasn't it? He couldn't deny how badly he had wanted this – wanted it for months now.

Moments later, her lips and tongue were tracing a hot trail of kisses along his neck, and as she lightly grazed his pulse point with her teeth, the last thread of his control snapped.

In one swift move, he took her face in his hands and fiercely captured her lips with his own, the sensation nearly enough to send him over the edge. Months of pining - of gentle, innocent touches and cuddles that the real Elsie had naively passed off as what two good friends would share - had made him ache with need.

For an imitation, the nutcracker-Elsie felt wonderfully authentic.

His fingers snaked in her hair and tugged lightly, eliciting a soft moan from her that had him shivering. Realistically, had it been their true first experience together, he would have wanted to savor every moment, taking his time as he mapped out every sensitive plane and curve of her body that would make her writhe with pleasure underneath his touch.

But, since this was his Christmas wish, he was going to be self-indulgent and take exactly what he wanted, just as he had imagined doing for so long.

A soft brush of her hand against his very hard and throbbing erection nearly sent him into a frenzy, and he let out a mewl so pathetic he would have been embarrassed had he not felt so ridiculously desperate. His hands scrambled to tear the baggy nutcracker uniform off of her, and as he ran his hand along her inner thigh and traced his fingers along her core, he realized without a doubt that she was soaking. For him.

Happy fucking Christmas to me.

Sebastian groaned as he practically dragged her into his bed and flipped her onto her back. His body vibrated with anticipation when her fingers tugged at his pajama bottoms and yanked them down abruptly. His cock sprang free, already aching with desire, and he melted into a moaning mess when she wrapped her silken hand around him and stroked.

"F-fuck...so good, Elsie —" The way she held him, so expertly gentle and firm at the same time, was better than even his wildest imaginations could conjure. His hips bucked into her touch while he stared down at her through hooded lids, understanding that he needed to take every second to memorize her body in case he never had an opportunity like this again.

Her face was flushed, the smattering of freckles along her nose and cheeks standing out, just the way he liked to see them — one of the reasons he would purposely try to make her blush. His hands followed his gaze as it traveled further down, past her parted pink lips and onto her voluptuous breasts, and he couldn't help but lean forward and take one of her pert nipples into his mouth.

Elsie's sighs and moans as he swirled his tongue around it were music to his ears. He reached out with one hand to cup her other breast while his other slid between her legs once more and lightly circled her clit with his thumb while he pumped two fingers inside of her. The sounds she emitted were delightfully sinful, and he decided that he didn't want to wait any longer. He had waited long enough, trying his damndest to be a gentleman all this time and letting the real Elsie take whatever their relationship was at her own pace.

He had earned this. It was bloody Christmas, and she was his present, and he fucking deserved it.

Sebastian slotted himself between her thighs and pulled back to look at her again. The unbridled need on her face mirrored his own, and he momentarily wondered if he should have spent more time making sure she was ready for him before taking her. After all, if it were the real Elsie, he would have made sure she felt good and reached her release many, many times before he had even attempted to fuck her.

All reason and logic flew out of his brain as he fitted the sensitive head of his cock at her entrance, her slick coating him completely. The needy cry that she let out at the feel of him was all the encouragement he needed to know that she was as desperate for him as he was for her.

"S-Sebastian," she moaned, the sound so erotic he hadn't thought it possible for it to have come from her. "Please — please fuck me. I — need...inside me — please."

Elsie begging. As if he couldn't come undone anymore.

"Anything for you, Princess."

With one abrupt motion, he pushed his hips flush against hers, sliding inside her easily and simultaneously letting out a disgustingly pitiful whimper. He was internally grateful that Ominis had decided to go to breakfast early — he would never have let him live down the sheer humiliation of the chorus of wanting coming from his lips.

Though the doll had been made of wood only moments before, the tight heat of her cunt felt very, very real. It was her body, her silken skin under his fingers, her normally elegant hair mussed and tangled against his bedsheets, and, best of all, her voice crying out his name as he fucked her relentlessly.

"S-Sebastian! Don't — don't stop!"

The high-pitched squeals she refused to hold back egged him on further as he roughly snapped his hips against hers, releasing a low growl as her legs wrapped tightly around him and pulled him deeper into her. The heady scent of her filled his nostrils — the distinct smell of vanilla and jasmine that had so often intoxicated him now enveloped him, and he tucked his head into the crook of her neck to allow himself to be consumed by it.

"Fuck, Elsie. I'm so fucking close."

It was happening too quickly, his release approaching dangerously faster than he would have preferred had this been the real Elsie. He teetered on the precipice of wanting to slow down and make it last longer, to enjoy every sound and feel of her as much as possible, or rewarding himself with what he had been dying to have for so long.

Fuck it — it was Christmas.

She dug her fingernails into his back and muttered a terrifyingly incoherent string of expletives in his ear, but somewhere within them, she was encouraging him to let go.

He was right there, so bloody close now — only a few more thrusts as he selfishly chased down the reality that she was finally, finally his.

"Sebastian!" Yes. Say my name again.

"Sebastian, please!" Just like that, almost there —

"Sebastian, wake up!"

Sebastian's eyes flew open as he sat up abruptly, blinking furiously in an attempt to gather where exactly he was.

Elsie, fully clothed in a Christmas jumper and trousers, her hair in its normal, elegant plait, stared at him from the side of the Undercroft couch, her brows furrowed in concern.

"Are you alright?" She asked worriedly, and her hand softly stroking his arm was almost enough to drag another pathetic groan from his throat. "You were making all these noises in your sleep. It sounded like you were having a nightmare."

Sebastian rubbed his face as reality came crashing down on him like a bucket of ice water. He had been too tired to head back to his common room last night and had fallen asleep in the Undercroft after Elsie had left.

As if to confirm his misfortune, the nutcracker she had gifted him was gingerly tucked under the crook of his arm, still transfigured to look like the girl who currently stood in front of him eyeing him curiously.

He would have laughed at the idea that she referred to his wet dream as a goddamn nightmare had he not still been so fucking hard, left to wrestle with the infuriating ache of incompletion.

Sebastian cleared his throat and muttered a thank Merlin to his last night's self that he had thought to cover himself with a blanket, lest she be subjected to his current state when she had only been trying to check on him and make sure he was okay.

"Uh, yeah. A nightmare," he grumbled, lowering his gaze to hide the heat that was beginning to creep up his neck and along his cheeks. "That's all. M'fine now."

She raised an eyebrow skeptically, and he knew she had good reasons to wonder if he was telling the truth — especially considering he could barely look at her. Not without imagining all of the unholy acts that his dream self had been moments away from —

"I guess the nutcracker didn't help ward off the evil spirits after all," she teased.

The nutcracker. His face reddened further at the memory of Elsie's desperate cries that would forever be branded into his memory.

"Are you sure you're okay?" She reached out to brush her hand along his forehead. "You're looking a bit flushed –"

He smacked her hand away, one touch further from losing himself right in front of her. "I-I'm fine! Just...got a bit warm down here, is all."

It was a blatantly obvious lie, considering he had slept in the Undercroft, which was always perpetually cold. Thankfully, she didn't question him further.

"Well, if you're alright, then get up soon," Elsie said, interrupting his immensely impure thoughts as she turned on her heel to leave. "Ominis is meeting with us outside the Great Hall to exchange gifts." She wagged a finger at him in mock warning, the sly smile on her face reminding him all too much of his dream, and he suppressed another shudder. "And don't be late. A bad back from sleeping on the couch is not a good enough excuse to miss Christmas."

He only offered a curt nod in response.

When the sounds of her footsteps receded, Sebastian flopped back on the couch, once again left alone with his miserable frustrations. The 'Elsie' nutcracker still lay on the couch next to him as if to taunt him, reminding him of what he had been so close to enjoying and what he could never have. He angrily batted it to the floor before grabbing one of the cushions, bringing it to his face, and smothering a mortified, unending scream.

Happy fucking Christmas to me.

[the-admin-behind-the-slaughter]

i thought it was fair game that i draw other tnmn men in dresses since i draw afton in dresses a lot. no coherent time period for these outfits, its all vibes based. based on what i think they'd wear. i'm unfortunatley too lazy to color this in >:P

artist notes under the cut (because its VERY LONG AND WORDY):

Izaack Gauss' getup is a reference to the dress Marilyn Monroe wore at the event with JFK. The one where she sings "Happy Birthday Mr. President". Yes that one. I imagine Gauss would be the type to like extravagant dresses, ones that literal old hollywood actresses would wear.

Steven Rudboys' dress is sort of 80s inspired with some punk elements. I thought of like, Cyndi Lauper when designing the outfit. heavily accessorized, a skirt layered in so many fabrics, i imagine the dress would be very colorful if I colored it in.

Angus Ciprianni is wearing a look that is more 60s inspired. I imagine that he'd like the fun colorful prints (which is not present here ehem ehem) and the quirky accessories and the groovy vibe the 60s had. I originally wanted to put him in the drag look that Freddy Mercury wore in the "I Want To Break Free" music video because the mustache reminded me of him but decided to go the another direction instead just because.

Francis Mosses is wearing a cheerleader outfit. I'm not going to lie I was tempted to just put him in a tiktok catboy maid outfit or something fanservice-y but that wouldn't have been original so I gave him this instead. Enough to be fanservice-y but not too much to be uncomfortable and I think he wouldn't mind playing cheerleader for funsies.

(though i think in character he'd probably prefer to wear a hoodie and sweatpants, something comfortable)

The dress is actually a spoof of Gerard Way's cheerleader outfit just modified to have the logo changed.

[petermorwood]

Dog policing, says @dduane​, and she doesn’t mean the K-9 division.

This reads like a spoof.

It may, however, be based on an anthropological study by Professor Doktor Hans-Otto Nixglaube, «Eigentümliche Ausländische Gewohnheiten Nr. 7: Die Sitten und Gebräuche der Wiener-Würstchen Handfressen im Nordamerikanische Art» (Salzkorn Verlag, Nürnberg, 1876)

Or maybe not...

*****

There was a memorable occasion many, many years ago when we both had more than our fill of hot dogs.

Our scene is set in Philadelphia, and the time is December 1986.

I had just flown in from Ireland after Christmas with my family, and DD was in the process of closing down her apartment before moving to Los Angeles and a story-editing gig on "DinoSaucers", so we decided to throw a party.

She invited all her friends from PSFS (Philadelphia Science Fiction Society), and then we went out to buy party foods. These foods included hot dogs.

There were A Lot Of Hot Dogs, indeed more of them than anything else, and I'm willing to accept blame here, having never before seen so many variations on one theme and being more than a bit inclined to sample the lot.

(Hormel, Oscar Meyer and sundry other companies must have rubbed their corporate hands.)

Then it began to snow, and the "sorry, can't make it" calls started coming in. In the end, a party meant for 30+ was a party of about 10, which resulted in - you're there already - A Lot Of Hot Dogs left uneaten.

The folks who made it to the party helped out by taking some of the food away, but that still left A Lot Of Hot Dogs still with us. And the apartment was being closed for up to 6 months (in the final event, permanently) with stuff in storage, power off, all the rest.

We couldn't just leave the doggies there, and I have an inbuilt aversion to throwing out food, so we ate them. At least it meant that for about five days we had no need to buy any other meat, and we had plenty of coleslaw and potato salad for necessary roughage.

However it was several years (until we got to Continental Europe with the Wurst effects long past) before any thought of hot dogs provoked more than a wince and a desire to eat something - anything - else...

:-P

[beadmotion]

After finding out that Mitu is a Tumi knife, I drew her with extra details based on real knives.

Also, there's a secret cutscene that spoofs the rain kiss from Spider-Man 2002! Just take the purge event route and type the code 6uLL18Le when you enter the party.

[wordworldsaway]

Journalism in Worldbuilding

I'm currently reading Iron Flame by Rebecca Yarros and it has really got me thinking about journalism and information, especially as it relates to worldbuilding. I'm working on my own space opera fantasy where there's a corrupt government structure, so information and knowledge are important considerations. But they seem to tie into so many different areas that I haven't really separated them out and thought about them separately yet.

Yarros' book inspired me to do so and I came up with this long list of questions that I hope someone else can find helpful as well. Journalism and information are integral parts of our culture and history and, in addition to weaving closely with lots of elements of worldbuilding, they can also help you think about your plot and your characters.

Here's my list (in very messy order):

What comprises the "official" media (newspapers, official notices, reports, briefs)? How many people are in control of it/have the ability to tamper with it every day? How often is it circulated? How does it pass from person to person?

How do people on the far edges of your world get their news? How do people living in cities get their news? Rural areas? What about people in the slums and pits of the cities? What about middle class people? Elite/rich people? To what degree are each of these groups able to receive information? Is it first-hand? Second-hand? Third-hand? Spoofing on this: how does rank affect what information is known or unknown (this can also relate to cultural or historical knowledge, not just current events)? Do lower members of society know more or less than the higher members of society?

Which overarching body controls the news (e.g. government, syndicate, company, conglomerate, non-profit, etc.)? Is it a combination of different bodies? If so, how do they interact with each other? Is there a ringleader? Internal corruption? Is everything done by machine or by hand?

How does language impact what gets printed and what doesn't? Are there dead languages? Is there a common language? Are there multiple common languages? Can something happen without anyone being able to understand exactly what happened? How does that impact public perception of different places/peoples?

Is the news truthful? Is it only partially truthful? Is it a total lie? Are some things omitted and, if so, what parts?

What other sources are available for giving and receiving news? Does social media exist? Do people send letters? Are letters tightly controlled? Is there any privacy to these things? Are there trading posts where information is shared or traded?

Is information generally compartmentalized or generally open? Is there a difference in the perception versus the reality? (This can be part of your world's culture or history, too.)

Are there societies in your world that have knowledge keepers? How do those knowlege keepers learn and share information with the rest of the society? How do societies with these structures interact with each other and with societies with different structures?

Is knowledge prized or considered insignificant? Do different levels of society think differently on this point? Do different societies within your world think differently on this point?

Can knowledge be weaponized? Can it be used against others, for good or for bad? How? (Think about this by thinking about the channels through which information currently flows and how those channels can be affected/changed.)

[jeannereames]

Could the quarrel between Cleitus and Alexander have ended differently—without Cleitus’s death—given that both were intoxicated and the argument took place during a symposium? At that stage of the Asian campaign, and under those specific circumstances, why did Alexander feel entitled to punish Cleitus with death? This incident appears all the more striking considering that Alexander had always sought to project an image of self-control and magnanimity—refusing, for instance, to harm Darius’s family and often conducting himself with measured restraint in politically delicate situations. One might ask: was the killing truly necessary, or was it a tragic failure of temper? Above all, we know that the sources have exaggerated the conflict between Philip and Alexander—so it’s difficult to fully understand Alexander’s reaction.

Could it have ended differently? Almost certainly. That’s the tragedy of the whole thing. I will say, I don’t think he “punished” Kleitos with death intentionally. His immediate reaction to the murder tells us it wasn’t anything so calculated as a deliberate execution. Like much in ATG’s career, we may know what happened, more or less, but not WHY it happened. That’s where the interpretation of our later authors (or the missing contemporary authors) gets in the way.

Some modern historians have even called into question whether it happened at a symposion, seeing the event as part of a later Roman trope of Drunk Alexander. Lord knows, Seneca and others use it as an example of an inability to control one’s passions. Nonetheless, Macedonian drinking parties—albeit exaggerated beginning with the writings of Theopompos on—were a feature of Macedonian royal life. I could see one that ended in such a terrible tragedy.

So, Alexander killed Kleitos, but the circumstances are confused.

The reported argument between Alexander and Kleitos contained in any of our extant sources must, I think, be regarded has highly suspect. Even our so-called “best” historical source, Arrian, places the event out of order in his history to create a narrative about Alexander’s increasing descent into Asian “tyrannical” rule, a part of which includes the proskynesis event which my colleague Hugh Bowden has taken the air out of quite effectively. I no longer believe proskynesis happened.

So, if we reject the Roman-influenced narrative of good ol’ boy Macedonian upset at Alexander’s New Persian Airs, WHAT THE F. HAPPENED??! Why did Alexander and Kleitos fight?

I’m not sure there’s a certain answer. But I do recall that (I think?) Waldemar Heckel pointed out the Kleitos event occurred in the wake of the Marakanda massacre, and the symposion at which ATG speared Kleitos also featured an informal “play” wherein the commanders of the lost troops were spoofed as at fault for their own deaths. It was the worst loss the Macedonians had experienced in Asia. Alexander wasn’t there, and so the loss didn’t technically fall on his tally sheet.

Except it did, because he failed to clarify the chain of command. This apparently resulted in contravening orders from the commanders, and that ended in catastrophic loss. At the symposion, Alexander did not call down as inappropriate those presenting the play.

That infuriated Kleitos, who challenged Alexander, and Alexander replied in a rage.

To me, that actually makes some real sense. The whole Baktria-Sogdiana campaign wasn’t going well and the Marakanda massacre became a very bloody cherry on top. Kleitos dared to call out Alexander for it. Things got really ugly…and just as bloody.

If there was any silver lining, it’s that Alexander had some sense knocked into him. He looked more closely at the conflict. After this event, when he captured the Sogdian Rock and (maybe?) Roxana, he married his way out of the war in Baktria-Sogdiana. I say maybe captured Roxana as it’s unclear if he acquired her there or earlier. Either way, he married her now and was able to leave the region (in peace) about three months later. The Marakanda massacre and murder of Kleitos appear to have been turning points in how ATG assessed his regional strategy.

I am not so cynical about Alexander that I doubt his sincere upset over what he did. That’s part of why I think he (and Kleitos) may really have been drunk. But he appears to have learned something from it.

[t00thpasteface]

UPDATE 6/16/2024: TABLET IS FUNDED!! Digital commissions will reopen as normal. This page is to remain up as an archive and for possible future reuse.

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