#even younger i dont remember
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one thing that always made me doubt my autism self diagnosis is special interests. my life has always been dictated by my very strong hyperfixations (since i was a baby!), but those are different from SI and i felt like nothing that i had matched the description of special interests. but i just fucking realized. that my special interest is English
#im still a bit confused on what a special interest is exactly#but from my understanding its ''kind of like a hyperfixation but way more long term and not as obsessive''#like hyperfixations are something that youre extremely obsessed and focused on for a period of time (from my experience ranging from a few#weeks to a couple of years) and during that period your entire life revolves around the thing youre hyperfixated on#its all you can think about all you can talk about all you can do it literally like possesses you and takes you over. you forget to eat and#drink and sleep and go to the bathroom because You Cant Stop Doing The Thing#eventually tho they fizzle out and tou move on#special interests however Dont fizzle out. theyre forever or at least for a really really long time. and theyre something you love and enjoy#learning all about but its not an overwhelming obsession like a hyperfixation is#my longest ever hyperfixations lasted from a year to almost two years#ive been consistently interested/in love/extremely excited about learning and speaking english since i was at least Six. couldve been#even younger i dont remember#ive Always enjoyed and seeked out learning english and ive always been advanced compared to other ppl my age because of how much#i like it#its shaped my whole life i mean i just wrote this whole ass thing in english#i love speaking in english and reading in english etc etc. always have. this is so eye opening for me#cool!!!!!
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I read Howl’s Moving Castle and it is officially a comfort book now so here is Sophie :D
#Howls moving castle#howl’s moving castle#diana wynne jones#I read this and realized I had unlocked a new favorite book#And then I reread it and loved it even more#It is absolutely glorious#Sophie hatter#hmc#my art#character design#dont ask me abt the fashion I just drew it off the top of my head so it’s a mess albeit very fun to come up with#I wanna draw howl next but he’s really hard for some reason?? I can’t decide how he should look#Most of the young Sophie outfits are post book btw#I wanted to draw what I felt she’d wear after all that character development XD#Also#she’s holding her accidentally magic stick in the last one even tho she’s younger#And I can’t remember if it burned to pieces in the book or not but if so I’m just gonna pretend it didn’t lol
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Izzy's never had any social media- why the fuck would he?- but there is a facebook account out there with his name, made for him by Ed back in the days when it was the hot new thing, and everyone had to have a facebook account. Theres a sum total of three posts on there;
The first two, made when Ed opened the account, marking that he changed his profile picture (Ed's favourite of them, armoured in leather but grinning at each other, full of love, like theres nothing else that matters in the world), and that Ed changed his relationship status now Izzy has an account- "Edward Teach is married to Izzy Hands"
The only other post, made more than a decade later, is Ed changing his relationship status to single.
#this is technically lore for an edizzy getting back together thing that you might ACTUALLY see bc i have it all fleshed out#just not in Good Words.#but i think it stands alone as fun little modern edizzy angst#wouldnt be textually relevant to the au anyway. just background ouch#nyxtalks#ofmd#izzy hands#israel hands#blackbeard#edward teach#our flag means death#edizzy#blackhands#fang took the photo of them back in the 90s#they were even younger than they were when they set up the profile. barely more than kids#and they were so so in love#how things change#(i dont actually remember how fbs relationship status works anymore. suspend ur disbelief if im wrong)#they arent married; not really#but its a matter of paperwork to them (at the time)#theyre the local lovebirds. the old married couple. everyone in their scene knows them and know they come as a pair
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people will think im ordinary until they say one (1) thing about tmnt and all of a sudden im explaining the entire lore starting from the 1990’s movie & why donatello is the best turtle i fear… T^T
tag limit fights me… i must yap… please listen… SOB </3
#tmnt yap in the taggies !!#would you believe me if i said my cat is named after donnie… teehee !! ^_^#i have been a tmnt lover since i was the ripe age of 6 years old SOBSOB#i used to write bf headcanons on wattpad way long ago… thats where my love for writing started i fear…#i probably have more tmnt merch than i do anime merch which is soso crazy to think about PHEW !!!#notebooks cups plushies legos shirts pajamas stickers tins action figs keychains name something and i have it… is that weird… SOB#im not joking when i say i know the entire lore and could explain everything from start to finish… FOR EACH AND EVERY REBOOT EVER…. wowza…#other than rottmnt because i’ve never been a fan of that reboot sigh…#the only reason donatello hamato isnt on my blorbie list is because i do not want to seem out of touch… he used to be there though !! :3#also i love raph too sigh#i fear donnie was my start to my love for nerdy men… raph was for the mean ones… cough cough akaashi and bakugo#tall lanky men… yeah hes a turtle… i know… let me speak… pls… i beg… T^T#tmnt 2012 will always be my star my light my beloved#i can recite every single episode </3 ALSO THE 2014 & 2017 MOVIES DONT GET ME STARTED i have them on dvd :3#i also have the 1990’s movies on dvd teehee theyre sososososoo good T^T my comfort franchise forever and always#i may always speak of anime but just know tmnt will always be the start of it all and my most beloved <3 its everything to me#also i was and still am an avid tmnt 2012 april oneil hater someone get her out of there i loathe her >:/#was never a supa big fan of leo im very sorry… idk who im sorry to… where are my tmnt fans… am i alone in this world… hello… tmnt fans…#omigosh im back after looking at my old wattpad story IM GIGGLING why was the writing kinda good… it was first person though sigh… goodness#i should create my own tmnt yap tag i fear… i will never shut up about it EVER SOBSOBSOB !! i even had a tmnt party when i was younger </3#donnie ( & mikey ) are so misunderstood UGH i could yap about the lore all day. donnie deserved more recognition he was always doing so muc#FOR ALL of his brothers and they never appreciated it… ill cry right now. donnie you will always be famous to me. april doesnt deserve you.#raph and his temper are so misunderstood too like please. always making him the bad guy HE JUST WANTS TO BE A GOOD BROTHER HES JUST AWKWARD#remembering when i had a crush on a guy names joseph in first grade and he liked tmnt too… joseph just know we were soulmates… i promise </#i used to go up to the tv and kiss the screen when donnie showed up. i was like 6 years old tho its okay… still sleep with my stuffie tho.#thank you to my yaya for buying me that when i had the flu hes still in perfect condition SOB donatello i love you so much UGH im crying#‘thats a mutant turtle ew !!’ HE IS VERY BEAUTIFUL AND LOVEABLE TO ME. YOU WOULDNT UNDERSTAND EVERYPONY </3 nia reference woah hi nia :3#whos in favor of tmnt. raise your hands up high so i can see them. im giggling. tmnt lovers rise we sha’ll prosper… WE RIDE AT DAWN 🦅🦅🦅#is this like totally crazy of me… has anyone read this far… if you have jusy know i love you. i cherish you. you are my everything <3#₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎ — lene’s latest gossip .ᐟ
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@nyaskitten tumblr ate your fucking ask uhh ignore how this is months later BUT i finally watched dr s2 AND
I GET IT NOW. I UNDERSTAND.
#i was asking for art recs and you said cinder back in like. december. if you dont remember#v messy please give me a clear ref without the fur thing and with the shoulder pads please please#google refs are 5 by 5 pixels and either youtube thumbnails or minifigs#what’s going on with his design by the way. why does he have blades strapped to him#pretend his hair is smokey okay idk how to draw smoke#when i saw his design before s2 came out i clocked him as a cold tundra ish terrain design cause of the fur and the wolves#so i gave him like winter gloves even tho that’s unpractical for him but whatever#something about his hair being smokey the way your breath fogs in the cold you understand#the crosses and lines on his armor idk i searched up samurai armor cause i have no idea what they’re supposed to be#he’s a middle aged man to me so it’s kinda funny he’s beefing with a teenager (jordana)#i wanted to see a grudging solidarity under the cat guys rule sort of relationship but no the girls are fighting i guess#what happened with the old guy by the way how does that timeline work#cinder would have to be born after s4 and there’s NO CHANCE this guy is younger than kai#did the pacing of this season feel weird to anyone else or have i just not watched ninjago for too long#anyways#ninjago#lego ninjago#dragons rising#ninjago dr s2#ninjago cinder#cinder ninjago#i hope thats his name i dont rember#ninjago dr spoilers#sort of#jellos scribbles
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i miss horses
#horseback riding is insanely expensive in big cities though#idk if ive talked about it here but i did do horseback riding for i think six? or seven years? something like that#i was super lucky i got to do that bc i was able to get my equipment 2nd hand and#and my mom had 2 jobs and she thinks every kid should have at least one sports hobby and#she knew how much being able to do riding would mean to me so she made it happen and#it did so good for me so i'm very thankful#*did so much good#man i was in such a good shape when i still did riding. by good shape i mean great ass.#anyways i was even pretty good at it. the coach always wabted me to compete but i was like#''hmm no ♡'' bc i didnt want to have to learn and remember what to do at which point#i do sometimes think about what if i started competing#probably not much bc idk if it works with someone elses horse but hey i could have gotten ribbons#anyways i miss it#i dont think i could even get on a horse anymore. i need to start stretching regularly#also im probably too heavy to ride a lot of horses#but i want to brush a horse so bad rn#pretty recently after i stopped riding someone asked me if i did ride bc they could see it on the way i carry myself#which was interesting but i get what they meant#sigh my posture was so much better too#also im kinda scare i wouldnt bounce back from falling like i did when i was younger#it's a miracle i never broke anything or worse#leevi talks
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my memory has been so bad lately n i know my sparse sleeping isnt helping (which isnt even a choice i just. dont sleep as long as i usually do for some reason i usually regular 9-16 hours but now im waking up naturally on less n staying up longer) but man i. cannot remember yesterday at all i know we went to the parade but it feels like a dream i cant remember it
#even reading back the texts i sent my bf about it none of it feels properly familiar#i remember telling them but not the actual moment of being there#winter really to b always beating my ass#i used to have my dizziness at an all time high around the holidays when i was younger#i thought i was free but apparently not o(-<#ive been getting hit w the dizziness n migraines just like i was 13 again#im honestly scared of it getting worse#there were points i literally could not leave the house because i couldnt walk#id just feel the ground falling out from under me and lose my depth perception and everything would go foggy#i really hope im not regressing back into that#i was doing so well i was ok#i could go to the mall again which was a main trigger for it#so is my mom's voice#specifically her angry tone#the sounds of cutlery#general smell of holiday dinner#i still havent been able to go to the grocery store since i was a ki. bc the more it gets set off the more it happens n the more triggers#are made. and im terrified !!!!!#i genuinely couldnt live i just slept all day everyday when i was 15 in a mound of garbage#i would say i need to go back to my therapist/psychiatrist but even they dont know what it is#they just go oh huh :) weird. anyways
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i know i talk big talk about the queerphobia in this fandom but at some point someone remind me to make an in depth analysis post about the ageism in this fandom. I’m not like mad or anything- I like to try to be chill about things, but I swear EVERY time people find out I’m not in my 30s or up I’m looked at completely differently. It’s incredibly fascinating and frustrating because even some of my closest friends in this fandom do it time to time. (No hate ofc usually when I point it out it gets corrected) but it’s absolutely fascinating to me. Is it that RARE for someone to be younger then 30 in this fandom? And if so, WHY does it matter so much when fandom itself is curated by the user? Like. I’m not 8 years old stop treating me like I am. Just because I don’t like reading about dick doesn’t mean I can’t talk about it.
I’m 20. By the way. In America. I’m not even old enough to drink legally in my state.
Again, not a hate post. More of a “oof this is tiring bro” post. I’m REALLY tired of it but like. What can I do? You don’t like that I’m not in my thirties? Block me I guess. I’m still here man
Also, genuinely curious of someone has an answer: is it actually that shocking for someone to be a young adult in this fandom, or even a teenager or hell, a child? I’m very curious WHY there’s always a double take when I bring up my age, and WHY people generally treat me a little- shall I say- “dumber”- like I have less understanding of the world.
it both frustrates me and fascinates me to no end, really.
#No shade or nothing its just a problem I never get seen brought up#And its a genuine issue at least for me#Im FINE with “being the child of the group” jokes#I have a few moots ill leave anon who do that#But like. Beyond that. It gets. Weird. Like. Ageism but reverse? Where because I’m a decade younger then the “expected age range”#Im treated less intellectually sound? For some reason? Its very tiring#Meh ill leave it at that#Wont even tag HL. dont want to#This is more for me to see in the morning and remember to do an in depth analysis on it#since i have a few first hand accounts#That or to bunch it in with my queerphobia hl awareness#Whichever I decide is more fitting when i wake up lol
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me when i realize who i am and then everyone starts screaming and panicking and crying and trying to wrench me out of the front and the brain wont let me budge and theyre literally begging me to leave like brother i would if i could im sorryyyy
just found out im a factive of someone who hurt the system really badly feelin good /s
#i feel terrible like i remember viewing korey like a younger sibling and now theyre terrified of me im so sorry#i dont even rememebr what my source did let alone the reasoning
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NEVER make a fic where you need a 10 year timeline bc you are going to fuck up the math 100000000 times and realize after already posting 30k of it
#text post#mine#guess who fcuked up washed up’s math AGAIN#<- this has happened multiple times just not this bad#tbf it’s only by a year. i just made wilbur and tommy a year younger than i meant to#i dont even remember WHY
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do you think cameron monaghan is going to age into looking like ginger david hasslehoff circa 2010s?
#asks🌱#Anonymous#where in the world did this come from lmao#im sorry i dont even remember how david hasselhoff was looking in the 2010s#and everyone ages differently#also especially with actors it makes a huge difference based off of how much work they get done to keep their faces looking younger#maybe he'll age like paul rudd#who knows anon!!#certainly not me!!!!!#thanks for thinking of me though i guess#feel free to ask me whatever weird shit pops into your head but also if you're gonna be weird in my inbox i WILL lovingly roast you for it
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every day i kick a rock and bash my head into the wall because i'll never get to go on a big space adventure and become tightly close-knit with my new found family up there <//3
#re lrb..........#i mean realistically if i was in the voltron/quintenary stars universe chances are i would probably NOT be one of the people#going on the space adventure.#i'd be roped into the plot when the aliens invade and earth almost gets destroyed. spoilers for arc 2 btw sorry#but man. child soldierism aside i wish that were me so so so bad#sadly kicks a rock when will EYE have a deep and mystical connection with a giant ancient cat :(#its not even that i want to interact with the main cast bc i dont really i just. wanna be in their position man#i think one of the reasons why voltron grabbed me so hard (among MANY) is how badly i wanted to do what the main characters did#i remember when i was first watching it while it was coming out i would CONSISTENTLY daydream about being launched into space#with a handful of other people and having to fight a war and grow up far away from home and all the suffocating stuff that came with it#and then coming back years later already solidly knowing who i am and being confident in that#so i'd actually be brave enough to be unapologetic about it. and i'd be found family with the people i went to space with also#that parts important#idk man just. i dont like saying i was abused when i was younger because i really dont think it was like that and it isnt even close to#what how people who have really been abused have had to go through#but sometimes i really do wonder. like now that im (mostly) out and able to review everything with an outside perspective#not even getting into the cult survivorism stuff this is JUST family dynamics im talking about here#bc that shit is a whole other can of worms#i think my parents were genuinely doing the best they could with the cards they were dealt but. jesus christ.#i would have given ANYTHING to be able to run away from all that. and throw magic cats into the equation? brother im GONE#anyway this tags ramble has derailed in a MAJOR way. tldr i wanted to be a paladin sooooo fuckign bad bro#like it actually makes me SICK how much i want a lion. red you are my forever girl even if only in my heart <///3#i still do want to do all that out of principle but its not as desperate now i just really love space and really want a big kitty friend#winter speaks
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Last chapter was SIGNIFICANTLY sweeter than the first one but that doesn't mean that I didn't suffer at all.
Anyways, time for chapter 3!!
Showing you a picture i took of a light up sunflower that I saw last week
#predictions: i actually dont know. im not sure what to expect yet#maybe this is the chapter they go back to Claw's headquarters#maybe they visit the 7th division#i doubt the 7th division thing but you never know#sakurai 😻#oh but he'd be significantly younger here#hm#i dont remember how old he is in canon#i hope that we get to see Shou and Teru training soon#i wonder how teru will handle that#will he even be abke to handle that?#i dont know#ill have to see
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anybody else have a food they're allergic to but still eat anyway
#not DEATH deathly but like. allergic#im allergic to shrimp and guac but i still eat it ..#my throat will get itchy and swell and breathing feels more closed#wherever the food touches also swells in bumps but usually only wherever the food makes contact#but yall. it's so good#the food not the swelling lol i have to sip on water while i eat to help gauge the significance of the throat swelling#i can usually eat up to 2 or 3 big shrimps until i hit my ok.. one more and this will hurt me lots#ill probably still be able to breathe but like it'll be an even bigger struggle than it is now#i think im also allergic to this common italian herb thingy anise? but thats fine bcs i dont like it anyways#but grilled SEASONED shrimp is my weakness. i LOVE SHRIMP!!! add some buffalo sauce and my my my..#idk tho my friends hate when i eat shrimp and will moderate my moderation#'ted ure a medical man. u should be against this' i hungry#idk maybe i dhould cold cut endulging in my allergies now b4 it becomes a lifestyle#i remember when i was younger my boss order me chinese food for doing a Lot of open2closes#and i ordered shrimp and lo mein(iLOVEEEE LO MEINN!!! when i was lil i would get PLATEFULS of JUST lo mein)#(id remove the veggies bcs they got in the way of my noodles)#(but now im older and the texture is too much sameness so i get even amount of lo mein and some sorta meat for Balance)#and i ate like a bit then put the rest in the cooler and he was like 'ure not hungry?' and i told him im allergic#and his eyes got real big and he was shouted my full name like a worried parent#i mean i explained my eat 2 then wait for the swelling to die down and eat 2 more till the inability to breathe gets annoying#but he was still anxious and watching me like a hawk#so#maybe.. i shouldnt do this anymore#does anyone else do this if they have the ability to?#perhaps i am dancing with the devil here#the devil wears privilege
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this is so funny to me actually bcuz this is 100% how i talk abt my characters ages. i know what YEAR they were born and i know what rheir ages are supposed to be at the start of the story but i dont actually know when it takes place?? im really bad at math. There was a moment where rainbow was supposed to be 23 and i somehow accidentally made her 17 lmfao
#theoretically it would take place in 2021 bcuz thats when i created my object ocs but the more time passes#the weirder it feels to have it take place years in the past#i considered moving up their birthdays by a few years but like. idk i like their birthdays theyre cute :3#bubblegum is SUPPOSED TO BE 15 and she was born july 2007#watermelon is supposed to be 7 and he was born june 2014#etc etc#starr is 27 and she was born september uhhh 1995 or 1997 i actually dont remember. whichever one makes sense#also that would mean building block was born in 2020 and since she's always gonna be a baby the furhter away we get#it means that she wouldnt have even been born when the story is actually supposed to take place. Like#i know their birthdays and their ages and what year they were born everybody else has to do the math#to figure out wtf is going on because I DONT KNOW#also that means that building block would be a pandemic baby lmao 😭#what was rhe vibe in nigeria in august 2020 during the pandemic. well i say that like it even happened in their universe#which there really isnt any reason for that to be true#it isnt historically important to mention like..... world war two or slavery or whatever. fucking obviously. in the context of objects#it gets messy so its better to just Not#also the months the characters were born really fuck me up bcuz jayden was born in late december#so for most of the first year that they met he would be.... younger than he actually is being born in 2003#but since building's block birthday and exact age is the most important timeline-wise#and she was born august 14th 2020 and she's seven months old when they first meet#then it canonically would take place in march 2021 which was my original intention#bcuz that is the actual date that i first created my object ocs#ANYWAY. boring character age ramblings#but its hard to keep track of so i dont even blame the author!!!! birthdays are weird and hard to keep up w/#when you dont know exactly when your story is supposed to take place#assuming its in a normal-ish world im sure fantasy ocs dont have this problem#txt#object ocs
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I wish the way Tommy became a bad person didn't make me hate his character so much, because as much as there are some annoying things about C!Tommy, he was still an interesting character
#discourse#tommyinnit#I cant even really enjoy fanart of him anymore#i keep remembering that his creator is a dick and I feel all the enjoyment leave me#wait i feel like this needs a#vent#this kinda sucks because I always kept the idea that hating your younger self for loving something is stupid#but then I look at the sweater I have and just feel bad#I guess he has time to change but idk#i dont think I'll ever be able to enjoy his content again
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