#even when you secretly hate them
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Which miraculous ladybug character would work a minimum wage daycare job with screaming toddlers (asking for a friend)
#miraculous ladybug#marinette dupain cheng#adrien agreste#alya cesaire#nino lahiffe#felix fathom#kagami tsurugi#rose lavillant#juleka couffaine#luka couffaine#nathalie sancoeur#I think the people who are really good at it are those you least expect#I actually think Kagami could be good at it#quote: they are far less complicated than adults#they cry when theyāre mad you donāt need to worry that they secretly hate you because they WILL say it to your face#Iām autistic and thatās why I like it#they donāt lie and they donāt have social ques#Nino and Alya are prolly peak#I think Felix would be really good at making them laugh#dancing singing etc#they love watching me make a fool of myself in high definition 4k#Felix would be afraid to raise his voiceā¦ even if you kinda have to when the kids are doing smth dangerous. esp if thereās like ten of them#heās terrified of becoming like his dad even though itās not REMOTELY similar#I think Adrien would be INCREDIBLY patient#Adrien would be a pushover I fear#I put Rose because I think objectively sheās the correct answer#I think Juleka would hate kids tho#Luka would play his guitar and the kids would love him#Luka would prolly not work there but hed come in once a week for a jam session#Marinette is either really good or really bad
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adhd comix
#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired#like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability#and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors#i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working#isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol#if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you#need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid#im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher#to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll#go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms#AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis#theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were#comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run#and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make#a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!!#im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need#to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh#yapping#vent
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i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point
#and then you just have to get up and keep living anyway because what else is there to do?#but man my heart keeps feeling heavier with every blow#2024 has literally been the worst year ever god personally too#like everytime i think it can't possibly get worse than this it does#i remember literally 9th jan i had such a horrible breakdown in an auto because the first friend i ever made#after school was leaving my work and therefore my life#9 days into the year. seriously. and i was so happy on 8th because it was my birthday#i don't know im trying hard to think okay this doesn't even affect me it's fine im privileged enough that even my own countrys politics#barely affects me#but just. india is already so behind in everything. if developed nations are doing shit like this then well#it will never get better right like who do we even strive to be#i want to get more into indian politics but my god. it's so horrifying and depressing all the time#like i remember resolving to follow politics closely few years ago and the first news#i read was about some minister talking about how girls skirts lengths IN SCHOOL is the reason boys do sa and boys will be boys etc etc#i know i could just follow business news stuff like that god knows it'll help in my field but it just. doesn't resonate with me doesn't#make me feel anything at all. like i so desperately want to care about ooh stock markets and how to grow your money etc etc#but when i think about being rich enough to invest idle money all i can think is sitting in my own home peacefully#drinking a glass of cold coffee and just being able to breathe freely because me and my sister used to joke in childhood#when dad went thru a coffee v bad for health phase and he wouldn't let us drink it so we would drink it very sneakily#at night when he was asleep or went out for an hour and make absolutely no noise while mixing the sugar. we said that we know#we'll* know we have achieved true freedom and happiness in life when we can peacefully drink cold coffee in the hall and not secretly#in the dead of night in our room#i don't even know what im talking about and my period is late again and nothing is working and my lazer focus#that i had built in the past few weeks is gone because suddenly im like what is the point????#i just don't understand how the fuck humans can fight over stupid fucking things like who is kissing who and who is doing what with their#body instead of focusing on collective issues like our planet is dying so fucking fast and every summer is getting impossibler to survive#i hate that the united states control the UN fuck this world fr man i hate being born in such horrible helpless times#like call me a kid or dumb or whatever but i cannot understand how MILLIONS of people do not#have sympathy for ppl around them and who don't care about the planet at all like how????? how did you grow up????#not trying to boast but this is so natural to me!!! didn't you make save water save earth posters in school!!! didn't anyone
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ppl on tiktok need to stop assuming every dude with long hair is secretly an egg i thought we all agreed by now long hair on men shouldn't matter but here we are
#I think it's weird to speculate anyone of being secretly trans anyways because it's always rooted in something stupid#even if you end up being right leave them alone lmao i hate it personally#anyways this is inspired by a man with long hair clarifying that he is in fact a man and a bunch of comments kept saying like#'are you sure??' or other variants of doubt like oh my god can you respect when someone is stating how they identify
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okay lol mini rant in the tags sorry i just HAD to get this off my chest š sorry if this is very incoherent and poorly worded or structured or whatever i'm just. pretty out of it and i cannot really think to write this properly. well, that or i am probably just illiterate actually. Yeah that's it lol
#why are friendships so complicated#in my last year of senior high school at an all girls school#i transferred last year#and it's just cliques left and right#they all hate each other#i'm the type of person who can vibe with all of them even if their personalities are very very different#i am kind of friends with everyone in the sense that i can find common ground and have interact comfortably and enjoyably#my friend group from grade 11 (theyve been friends w each other for so long and i was the newcomer) dissolved this year bc things went down#i dont know the full extent of what happened#but those five friends split and three have merged with another group#the group that isolate my other two friends and seem to not like them#at least the āleaderā of the group anyway. Not so sure about the rest#and now i am stuck in the middle lol. I have other friends from other groups but they have their own groups#the three girls already have each other and the new group (it's kind of a mix of me excluding myself on purpose and them not including me#in things presumably bc i am still ācloseā with my other two friends they don't like#it is a weird dynamic because me and the other group the three other girls merged with can vibe with each other#we can laugh with each other and enjoy each others company when theyre not talking shit (they rarely do it in front of ppl so i havent rlly#seen the full extent of it)#and also my two other friends are obviously closer to each other than with me since theyve been friends for way longer#i remember i had a conversation with one of my friends from the three girls that split away#it was something like i have to tell the class this and that etc since im the president#and i am not a very assertive person i am also very scared of being disliked. I told her i didn't want the class to hate me and she said#āeverybody likes you you are friends with everyoneā#it really doesn't feel that way. why do i feel like secretly they are talking shit#again i dont even know why we split up#but now i am just. Stuck in the middle#the thing is ive never even heard my other three friends talk shit and do nasty stuff with the new group/the main clique of the class#i havent seen the bad side to anything that i hear whispers about because ive never seen it#i havent been subjected to it either#i feel like i am wrong about a lot of things but i am just. blind or too deep into my people pleasing tendencies to not realize shit
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i think one thing you need to remember when you think everyone hates you is that most people are honestly not thinking about you they are almost always thinking about themselves. you know, like you are
#dana rants#like this worldview where all ur friends are secretly hating on u#like no they're probably just thinking about what they're gonna make for dinner lol#i can say this while being on the other side of it#bc it's also really frustrating not to be taken at ur word when u tell someone u like them and they're ur friend#and show it w/ ur actions. and they still think u hate them and don't gaf#like what are u assuming about ur friend if u think they're so callous and two-sided to treat u that way!#i think it's important to understand that empathy is needed in that situation#even if it's born out of insecurity instead of malice#it's kind of hurtful to always assume that people who show you they care about you don't actually and think you suck#people are not thinking about u nearly as much as u think about urself#and that includes for bad things as well as good
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find a blorbo (nhl tag game)
RULES: Go through the roster of each NHL team and find at least one player that you can root for.
tagged by @bondedpairs!! when i say too many teams to count and here for the narrative um. i may not have lied. this is not an extensive list of my blorbos but in order to make it not ten thousand years long i made up the rule that i had to do it straight from memory :)
anaheim ducks: as evidenced by recent events i DO like mason mctavish and trevor zegras but i have to honor laura and mention troy terry and beloved goalie gibbie*
boston bruins: oh for sure brad marchandā¦ can i say patrice? one of the charlies got traded but i think mcavoy is still there because gryz is gone, brandon carlo is there still i think
buffalo sabres: cozens & thompson, owen power, rasmus dahlin, ukko pekka luukkonen
calgary flames: is chris tanev still here? is markstrom still here?? noah hanifin?? as a last resort iāll say blasty
carolina hurricanes: aho & jarvy & teuvo teravainen & brent burns is still playing maybe? i know sepe got traded
chicago hockey: the bedsy narrative is compelling but ANDREAS ATHANASIOU MY BELOVED reunited with tyler bertuzziā¦ thatās the real story. also i like foligno
colorado avalanche: gabe landeskog, whatever ross colton & miles wood have going on, natemac + jo, mikko
columbus blue jackets: have long been on the merzlikins train, have been swayed to the darkside of umich boys (brindley, kent johnson, fantilli, blankenburg who is now on nsh)
dallas stars: seggy! mush! roope + miro and otter and robo and wyjo (rip ty dellandrea) and harls! etc.
detroit red wings: MOST players. dilly larks, moritz seider, jv, raymond, rasmussen, kitty, lyon, etc except for k*ne
edmonton oilers: mcdrai, ofc. nugent-hopkins, nursey, rip vinny & skinny
florida panthers: tkachuk, reinhardt, sasha barkov, verhaeghe (is there still?)
los angeles kings: adrian kempeā¦ kevin fialaā¦ danaultā¦ quinton byfield & alex turcotte
minnesota wild: kirill, marat, fleury, brodes, fabes, boldy, moose, middsy, spurgeā¦ godās perfect idiots
montreal canadiens: going out on a limb here to say martin st. louis but also xhekaj (both), slafkovskĆ½, suzuki, my austrian reinbacher, yes fine cole caufield
nashville predators: MOST BEAUTIFUL D PAIR IN THE WORLD GRADY SKJEI AND ROMAN JOSI!! juuse, evangelista, isnāt stamkos there and also someone else who absolutely should not be
new jersey devils: nicoā¦ tuna (tatar), dawson mercer, siegenthaler, dougie hamilton, yes the hugheses whatever
new york islanders: barzy, zeeker & marty, anders lee, noah dobson lol
new york rangers: mika & chris, lafreniĆØre & kāandre, shesterkin
philadelphia flyers: frosty & beezer and tk and sanny and the new baby michkov and coots and scooty loots and foerster etc etc. you know the Guys
pittsburgh penguins: the two headed monster but also compelled by rutger mcgroarty, and kevin hayes was there!!!
ottawa senators: timmy stĆ¼ & brady! josh norris! the evolution of shane pinto! ullmark now and brƤnnstrƶm and claude giroux and chabot
san jose sharks: ekky, thrun, mario, borde, logan couture, shakir, that other vaguely blond rookie
seattle kraken: brandon tanev, andre burakovsky! grubauer & dāaccord also
st. louis blues: jordan kyrou, nathan walker (is still there?), rob thomas? is parayako still there?
tampa bay lightning: hedman, point, they dumped so many guys after the cup runā¦ is kucherov still there or is he in nashville?? anthony cirelli (notable for being made out with by pat maroon)
toronto maple leafs: mitch, jt, willy, alex nylander, kniesy, dewar, et
utah hockey: crouse, keller, tuba
vancouver canucks: quinn, brock, petey, jt, garly, hƶggy, i want to say dakota johnson, elias lindholm?
vegas golden knights: brandon montour is here nowā¦ alex pietrangelo, so sorry to one i canāt remember who loves the lions it will come back to me
washington capitals: full of love and stupidity. oshie, nicke/ovi, pierre-luc dubois, dowd, vrƔna, milano
winnipeg jets: adam lowry!! josh morissey and kc and morgan barron, also vladdy my beloved
tagging @stillfertile + @colap1nto + @songsandswords + @moregraceful if they havenāt done it yet, i know they follow at least a couple teams. if anybody else wants to play i love adopting blorbos!!
#it is literally my DREAM to get challenged by someone about how many hockey guys i can name because i am a freak like that#and i make up arguments in my head for fun. please Try Meeeee#me when i wear all of my different crewnecks out & make up an imaginary argument where i have to list five guys from every teamā¦ ok why not#in doing this i hope i expose so many of you to narratives and also donāt show my ass because weāre at the point in the season where i go#āhe got traded WHERE???ā & i forget where everyone got moved around š«” everyone who watches a game has to deal with me regularly going WAIT#tag games#liv in the replies#this is secretly just a love letter to everyone i follow who got me invested in these narratives. i WILL adopt ur interests &speech pattern#and like. it very much does NOT even come close to reflecting the narratives i have and will be invested in#hated my own rule as soon as i made it but it prevented me from creating an even MORE elaborate set of rules which was like. would you#actually root for this guy playing hockey vs are these all narrative characters so you need to them be able to back it up with a fic#which. given that itās BLORBO i was like none of them are about to named on the basis of their hockey and also i am a giant hater#if youāre playing the red wings i want you to lose if the red wings are out i cannot guarantee who i will root for. it is up to The Spirit#this took me too longā¦ worth it#like I donāt know as if iāll ever make a proper pinned post but this is high in contention simply for the fact that i just Talk about Guys#you guys missed the part where i tried to do it in alphabetical order but completely forgot all teams that started with a p and colorado#among other teams and then i had to google ā32 nhl teamsā because i could not for the life of me figure out who i was missing. rip ottawa#which is so funny because i love so many guys on their team. like. this list is such evidence of my BLANKING on the spot under pressure.#*everyone who saw this say stolarz no you didnāt. listen i knew ONE of them had gotten traded š and literally during the pre-season det/tor#game today i heard āstolarzā and went OH FUCK NO OH NO and wheezed my way here to fix it.
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The fame monster 2 CD deluxe edition (2009) best album in history actually
#asdgfgjggkj#when i was 8 years old in 2009 it was cool to hate lady gaga...... so publically i did but i secretly bopped to her songs and played all of#them at my 9th birthday party š#i'm sorry i denied you mother...... forgive me#JALFĆDĆFPEORPE#music#i keep trying to listen to new pop girlies and while some are really fun i think the general sound is too fresh-faced and indie#i like heavily produced electropop#ramble#afhiohjƶ idk who even cares... i do though <3
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just got a blazed sonadow post on my dash that was actually such a jumpscare
#briefly scanned through some of the persons blog out of curiosity. wont namedrop them because i dont want any hate going to them#some of their posts were fine they were correcting like actual misinformation that gets spread around which is fair#but they also had a bunch of long ass essays about how so/nadow is actually canon/will be canon#or how certain sega employees are corrupt and pushing an anti so/nadow agenda even though theyre supposed to be in love ????#(also their evidence for the so called corruption was just random joke posts that had nothing to do with so/nadow..?)#man this stuff is crazyyy. i have nothing against the ship itself. i dont think its baseless and i do like it when its portrayed correctly#but if you actually think like that i think you are too obsessed with the ship and letting it warp your perceptions of things#some people (especially a lot of so/nadow fans for some reason)#desperately need a reminder that just because they like a ship doesnt mean its gonna become canon#or that just because they choose to view an interaction romantically#doesnt mean that the writers are purposefully giving secret hints that those characters are actually in love#also Idk why anybody would even feel the need to blaze this stuff#its most likely gonna get shown to people who dont care. its just a lucky coincidence that im a sonic fan who got shown it#whatever happened to just shipping stuff for fun without the expectation that its gonna be canon#or feeling the need to fight for your life that its secretly canon#what are we doing here#honestly if you like any sonic ship in an '' i want it to be canon''/''think that it is canon'' sort of way youre doing it wrong LMAO
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had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what
#lolaa.txt#what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!'#'i wouldnt lie to you!'#okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time.#its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa#also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!'#yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up.#i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men#and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man#so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up.#and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face#that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense.#shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin#you dont have to worry about anyone else.#im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to#never really have#im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are#if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box#then when would you have any space for self discovery#youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats#and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that.#and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names#and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy#and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares.#and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look?#then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness.#SORRY RANT OVER.#im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric.#tw homophobia#tw transphobes
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something i don't see people talking about is the way hyperfixations come in like stages and cycles like it's not just "i'm obsessed with this thing" it's like. euphoria from finding something new and it brings you so much joy and then as that initial dopamine rush wears off you start to get more and more down and feel isolated as you start to realise that no one else cares about it as much as you do and you feel silly for being so into it and the thoughts become repetitive and boring so you get more and more depressed and lonely and then you inevitably lose the hyperfix which leaves you drifting feeling miserable and hopeless until you start the cycle again. idk if i explained this well or if other people will understand but it brings genuine phases of euphoria and straight up depression and this is why i get annoyed when neurotypicals use words like hyperfixation to describe like, an interest. bc it's not. just an interest it becomes who you are and when you lose it it's like losing yourself and you spend so much energy thinking about it that it interrupts your daily life and it's so fucking draining š
#like if i see one more nt being like hyperfixation this hyperfixation that SHUT UP!! YOU HAVE AN INTEREST#talk to me when you stay up until 6am every night bc you can't fucking sleep bc ur thinking about it.#talk to me when you can't process emotions in a normal healthy way because you can only relate it back to your hyperfix#paired w madd especially it's IMPOSSIBLE to be normal about shit i swear 2 god because the second i'm upset or lonely it's straight back to#immersing myself in another world and being someone else and not facing my emotions instead letting 'someone else' deal with them#not just negative emotions yk it's anything it's fully immersive to the point i end up not knowing exactly who i am myself bc i'm rarely#myself in my head yk#and it's so isolating#and this is why i get mad when people use these terms lightly bc they don't fucking get it#oh you're hyperfixated? oh you're delusional? you're delulu? watch this#< guy who has delusions that all of his friends secretly hate him bc he's too insane abt xyz media and who feels alone bc no one else is as#into it even though it wouldn't be reasonable to expect them to be#like i'm constantly questioning whether all my friends are secretly against me & finding me annoying anytime i talk about it but it's fine#it's so fucking isolating#i'm not losing my hyperfix yet thank god but i am in the stage of like realisation where the initial euphoria has worn off and i'm like#fuck no one else gets it. no one else is thinking about it like i am. and it's so lonely#< like not to sound like 'i'm 14 and no one gets me' or i'm not like other girls or whatever š#it's not me being dramatic i genuinely. know that no one else is spending every waking moment thinking about the things i am the way i do#and it's so incredibly depressing i can't even explain it in a way that will make sense#because i want to talk about it so fucking bad and i can't. even to my friends and gf who always listen i end up feeling annoying#and then i get genuinely delusional not like tiktok girl voice delulu like i genuinely start questioning my entire reality#just if i talk about something a little too much#bc i'm convinced i'm fucking annoying and no one gets it and they're thinking bad things about me#but i know they wouldn't. but it feels like they are#idk#anyways !
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being aware of other people's social connections is nauseating
#how the fuck does everyone know all the people i know and none of them know me#sure i put some degree of effort into not being known too much but so do half the people that occupy space in my brain#it doesn't seem to stop all of them from knowing each other. and do any of them think about me? do any of them even know that they could?#like can you understand how i end up feeling that everyone secretly hates me when i'm not even in my own social circles?#(remembers all the times i've destroyed social connections for unclear reasons) yes but who made me do that?
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now that i've completed all the character episodes and fought with or against all characters i can finally make a tier list with my opinion on everyone ā
#m#tekken#i like alisa more than leo asuka and xiaoyu but i think all four + lili have a great relationship dynamic#like they could all be a group of besties who do sleepovers and kick ass togetherand get into adventures!! but alas bandai namco hates fun#katarina is SO hot but i need her personality to be shown a little bit more for her to become a fav of mine#i like miguel and bob mostly bcs of the online tekken comic but once again im asking for more content of them#also i think their opposite personalities match very well and they could be good frienemies#imagine that miguel wants to beat people up for no reason but bob keeps stopping him and he's just extra angry all the time#also. miguel showing bob spanish food. eating paella together........ bandai namco PLEASE put them together more often#i dont even need to defend that heihachi and lee are the funniest characters in the franchise you know im right#i hated lucky chloe bcs she looked like weeb bait but then i saw her episode...... genuinely super funny that she's secretly an asshole#AND extra funny that Eddy has to deal with her in t7. honestly i'd love to see eddy work for her and try he kawaii lifestyle#all the while lucky chloe is mega rude and bad mouthed in the behind the scenes#also they could have older bro and younger sis energy... or the reverse bcs we dont know how old is she. actually she should be older#wouldnt it be hilarious if she was like 35 or something#i like the characters in the orange tier mostly because of their designs#julia and lidia are both very cute! and master raven very hot#claudio kazumi leroy and hwoarang have cool designs and marshal law and the kings have funny backstories#i like kazuya when there are family shenanigans otherwise i dont care much about him#the williams' designs are very boring but i like how much they despise each other#the bears are funny too#everyone else.......... i legit dont care
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you ever just see a post and just
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#Worst emoji combo ever but itās gon be such big depression hours down here so scroll if you want im on the brink of throwing up#donāt you just bloody love it how over the past 3 years youāve only seen people the large total ofā¦. 4 times!!! An average of seeing someon#outside of school 1.3 times per year!! What a bloody fantastic way to spend your teenage years!#Donāt you also just love it when people talk right to you about how they all went out together over the weekend and like did some stupid#shit like your average high schooler would do and youāre just like āoh. I went to my 1 and a half hour long dance class and got ignored the#entire time and when you did try to talk they just spoke over youā oh my fucking god I hate that place so much even the teacher fucking#ignores me once we were going in a circle and she was asking everyone what they got for Christmas and I was in the middle of the circle so#thought hey maybe someone will actually acknowledge my existence but she fucking ignored me and went to next person like why the fuck#And now Iām debating staying in that shithole bc I was invited to a gc for that class and I stupidly thought that someone might want me#There. I wasnāt even invited I secretly scanned the qr code to join over someone elseās shoulder#everyone else there is the best of bloody friends and Iām just there talking to one friend who I donāt even think is my friend#āHey man Iām really fucking sad rn can I talk to youā āwomp womp have you heard stupid fact no.3848594 about my ocs while I ignore you when#you talk about anything else about meā oh my god shut up literally no one else sane would see someone like that their closest friend rn#At least someone wants to talk to me#Like what is it that makes people not want to see my please just tell me Iāll change Iām amazing at changing my personality to fit others#promise me on that Iāve done it my entire life#Even just messaging me more than once every year and Iād consider you my best friend this is how bad Iām getting#What is so bloody bad about me that no one else likes I donāt care how badly you fucking word it just something#It shouldnāt be normal to wish death on people you call your mates bc you heard about them all going out together without you#Oh dear did the gcās without me in it thereās one for every friend group Iāve ever been in why isnāt there one for the main group Iām in rn#Idfc anymore just tell me what Iām doing wrong I keep asking people if they want to go out or how far away they live from some place#And itās always met with ignoring me talking over me or immediately changing the subject#Please if youāre someone I know irl what the fuck am I doing fucking wrong I canāt fucking do this anymore be as mean as you like#Why the fuck does no one ever want to be around me why do I hear so much about stuff others are doing together but never me#It shouldnāt be normal to prefer being in a toxic relationship than what Iām in rn#I fucking hate everything
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i dont even mean this in a catchy, buzzword way but i really do think autistics trigger the fuck out of people with NPD. it keeps being a pattern in a VERY specific type of person in my work life. a lot of ppl w NPD have a very paranoiac sense of "everyone is trying to get me and tear me down" thing that comes w the grandiosity. not just 'wow i am great' but 'i will achieve greatness and i HAVE to and it won't be okay if i don't' and the fundamental belief that people 'lower' on the social hierarchy are secretly envious and making up ways to fuck you over and take what you have (yknow, bc Everything Is About You). being allistic on top of that - assuming your experience is default and everyone knows these minor social tics & anyone who doesn't respond in kind is being minorly petty at the very least - and you have someone for whom every little autistic social mishap is triggering the "secretly hates me is out to get me is trying to signal to me that i am cringe" alarms. i will play my tiny violin here and say if they see you as hot or conventionally attractive, they WILL NOT assume you are weird or neurodivergent, not in a billion years, they ONE BILLION PERCENT WILL ASSUME it's obvious that you are trying to signal you think you're better than them. it's really sad and it's a really stressful way to live but it helped me to understand WHY this dynamic was happening
#narcissists have rly screwed me over professionally and personally but i really do not like people dehumanizing them#even though i do get it and i do get angry#it's a really horrifying way to live internally and really scary to truly believe everyone is actually out to get you#i think there is a subclinical normal human spectrum of traits this kind of thing exists on#but this is the extreme end where everyone is thinking about you and secretly criticizing you and little social mistakes are Intentional#Slights meant to telegraph how much Everyone Hates You#i saw a psych once argue that NPD is a mask placed over BPD and i would agree there are similarities#borderline type shit is this very deep and fundamental Badness and sense of loss the way narcissism is#but i think something like NPD happens when your brain says fuck it and assumes it is no longer possible to expect people to be reliable#a lot of autistic people also have NPD because autism means more unmet needs#so it isn't an either or#one of the worst things about it is the persecuting nature of this kind of behavior creates more people who think and act this way
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hoo boy the number of baaaad takes on twitter since that con o'neill interview came out lmao
#because as we all definitely know con was lying in that interview and was just being professional#and clearly actually hates david jenkins's guts yes yes#the delusion's gotten to the point where they won't even listen to what con's literally saying#bending things any way possible to maintain their own beliefs#please oh please won't someone protect the delicate feelings of this 50-something yr old actor#why trust con's own words when you can instead pretend to know him better#begging yall just go outside and realize you know nothing about other people's lives and theres no reason to get involved in them#yes of course con is professional but that doesn't mean he secretly is repressing his devastation about izzy jfc#i'm not even gonna waste time on this i just wish twitter would stop putting these people on my timeline lmao#con o'neill is a voice of sanity and wisdom and if his stans won't even listen to what he's asking them to do then idek
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