#even when it comes to progressive stuff
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
i am sadly one of those people who are super insicure of themselves after any social interaction, I go over and over again in my head and feel irrationally bad bc my brain tells me I was awkward, and probably came off as weird and so on. But you know what brain? I had the social interaction. I did it. I spoke out loud to people and had a conversation instead of freezing and feeling unable to talk. So fuck it if I came off as weird and awkward, I am weird and awkward and it's okay, because I did something that just a few years ago would have been even more of a struggle, and even earlier than that it would have been close to impossible.
#i have to keep reminding myself this thing over and over#brain we are not focusing on the way people percieve us we are focusing on the progress we have made through the years#today my brain is bullying me quite a bit over this thing bc i am stressed and i was at work all morning so i had to deal with people#but you know what? i did it and i did my job and i was much more comfortable doing things a few years ago scared me like#casually talking to people and dealing with money#and you know what? when i didn't know what to do or i wasn't sure i asked for help and it was all okay#and people coming into the shop are never rude if they see i have to ask for support to my mom or my brother bc i very casually work there#so i know basic stuff but not everything and that is fine#and if sometimes i need to use a calculator to sum up the prices of things it's okay#and if sometimes a regular knows the prices of what they have to pay already and i have to check it once or even twice it's okay#wow this turned out to be a longer rand than expected but i might need to reread this in the future#note to self#cris speaks
98 notes
·
View notes
Text
wip posting just to get something out there, and it's def a mixed bag!! the only thing more inconsistent than my posting schedule is my art style RIP
#wip#yapping below#1. sinnohtrio group pic where nothing bad has happened yet... dedicated sinnoh post coming soon#2. personalizing dawn and lyra's togekisses with different coloring and markings based on region. there's lyra's omelette :]#3. timeskip red and leaf except it's just pikachu#4. top left is all the assets i made for my cs final project! a little cherrim themed browser game#then there's sprites for my champion dawn; cool concept methinks but it's definitely a work in progress. peep the giratina hairclips#some vaugely lugia/ho-oh inspired protag ideas for a hgss sequel#anddd a bunch of background doodles. goldenrod flower shop and a very saturated mt. silver#in timeskip there shall be a proper town at mt. silver's base to officially bridge kanto and johto (and make lyra's work commute easier)#5-7 is me spitballing ideas abt pokemon biology#dratini & dragonair are forever sea snakes to me!!! though i do enjoy the amphibian interpretations#also i didn't know dragonite island was already a thing from pokeani... rip wyverse dragon master lore#i think crobat looks goofy no matter how you stylize it. silver and his big bumbling bat that insists on grooming its trainer. so unserious#there's a togekiss page too but then i remembered egg groups are a thing so i'm revising parts of it#i spent so long trying to come up with a reasonable wing-to-body ratio for togekiss and crobat. literally useless when dragonite can#apparently fly around the globe in 16 hours. are you Kidding me. dragons weren't even merging with jet planes until gen 3.#OK that is all. sorry for the lack of uploads wah#i'm like a ferret hoarding all my doodles until the quantity > quality lever switches in my brain to give the 👍 to post#i did made a spam blog but who knows if i'll actually post on there lol! probably for non-pkmn related stuff
113 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think that if we dig all the way down to the roots of tøp's musical theme, it all comes down to that constant internal conflict between desperately wanting to be seen and desperately wanting to stay hidden. we can see how they've been making gradual progress in "managing the tension" but it's still there on Clancy. dare i say it's the central theme of the lore as well.. the reason the character & the era Clancy feels so rebellious is because he's actively fighting to Be Seen. the oscillation continues, but a subversive variable has emerged.
#also i dont wanna make assumptions or be an intrusive creep but#i think its safe to assume that#tyler has been fighting this battle since he was a kid and he still is#based on the stuff he's said so far and the lyrics of course#and that fucking aches my heart because i get it im going thru it as well#i dont mean to say i get him 100% because that impossible but#i resonate with the lyrics he wrote sooo much it sometimes scare me even#like snap back......... it i s so s ad#and i know what that oddly specific melancholic euphoria they were tryna go for is#when i fully absorb that song#but at the same time the progress he and josh have made is so conspicuous too#it makes me cry from joy and relief#because while the steps may have seemed too small to make a difference#theyve come a long way to achieve this betterment#and it gives me/us/them hope that things will get even better in the future#why am i ranting and venting?? idk#i got sentimental while thinking too hard about their lyrics lol#anyways. thanks for coming if you read the tags this far#tøp#twenty one pilots#clancy#tyler joseph#josh dun#sorry for the typos i dodnt proofread
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
Why are so many people on Tumblr/Twitter claiming Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss are bad shows??? "They're not mid shows guys they're just bad" can y'all give me one concrete reason they're bad besides debunked "controversies" or things that other people told you were bad about em?
Like I'm halfway convinced all of these people claiming these are such bad shows and are annoyed about em haven't actually watched them - "I don't need to watch a show to know it's bad" pretty sure you do if you want to have an informed opinion, that goes for everything actually.
If you're annoyed by the hype and the fan culture?? That's fine we all got our things but that doesn't make the shows themselves bad I think y'all just like having someone to poke fun of without feeling like a bully and honestly?? That seems like a miserable way to live.
#This is specifically about that mid shows post going around#What other people like and consider good/bad/mid is none of your business and not a reason to make fun of them#Y'all think you're being SO progressive and kind when you're still being cruel to people online for the smallest shit#You don't like it?? Don't interact with it just block and move on#You curate your own internet experience it's not that hard#I don't like rwby or one piece and those come up on my dash all the time it's so easy to ignore and move on#I don't call those shows bad because surprise! I've never seen them so I don't know!#hazbin hotel#helluva boss#Y'all claim cringe culture is dead but still mock people who like “cringy” stuff like any of this is gonna matter in five years#And mark my words I'm gonna get called cringe or some shit for this post#When y'all should be thinking about why you take joy from calling people shit on the internet like it's gonna make you happy#Years long mutuals of mine are even jumping on the mockery bandwagon!! I've followed y'all for almost a decade what is going on
35 notes
·
View notes
Text
Since the dental Tribble has been on a strict no kibble, no crunchy, no chewing diet. (In a week or so she'll be allowed to use her teeth again a bit more, but no one wants to see a dog get dry socket.) Spouse feels that canned dog food (perpetually on hand to make into pupsickles) is not experienced as filling enough, and we do know that Tribble has done better on grain inclusive foods for the past decade, so... the rice cooker has been simmering with chicken stock rice too bulk out the canned food all week, and Matilda and Benton have both gotten a fair bit of overflow rice as a treat.
Unconnectedly, tonight happens to be my first night alone as the sole human all evening in quite a few months. Matilda has been doing her job of enforcing bed, of course, but I can also rely on other humans to help make routine happen if she's too tired to be on it.
If I was worried that Tilly hadn't worked out her evening routine enforcement functions before now, I shouldn't have been. I don't think I've ever seen a dog so excited to move the evening along towards the part where dinner and the good cookies are.
#Matilda#australian cattle dog#1 year#the things I'm trying to achieve feel so embarrassing sometimes#like the complex and flexible but not too flexible pressure to do things that are good for me at intervals in the evenings#and yes yes yes it's just that old insecurity again#I grew up literally being told that the audhd was just my special burden to overcome in secrecy: the internalized stuff is not surprising#but it also means I'm watching her cues fairly carefully#and she's now completely reliable to alarmed tasks and mostly reliable to totally uncued pesterbot reminders#it's probably time to work on other grounding behaviors and really practice DPT more but I'm just really admiring my dog's progress so far#she had her first dog reactivity 2: building basic social skills class Tuesday and barely reacted to the five other dogs in class at all#by which I mean that she stared and leaned once#answered her leave it#and relaxed enough into counterconditioning to be rolling all over the floor and grinning delighted at me by the end of class#I'm beginning to see the shape of her grown self coming out#and I think I see why people are willing to go back and keep raising puppies from this breed of incredibly awful adolescences#it's a good shape. strong. very prone to getting distorted over a few generations if a breeder isn't keeping an eye on it#I can see what she's going to be like when she's put on some more emotional development#and I'm really beginning to look forward to it
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
some bobbles (+ two unfinished things)
#bonk.png#undescribed#exocolonist#i was a teenage exocolonist#iwatec#iwatex#anyway first thing bc its the shortest i dont think sol would actually id as anything n prefer to be unlabeled#bc of like. the timeloop stuff n every life kind of blending together BUT i think it'd be funny as hell if they were aro#n just never became aware of this bc their self reflection skills in regards to shit unrelated to the loop are That Bad#also im aro n like when characters are aro + love it when characters are kind of deranged about their friends#speaking of which madoka au! forever ago i drew the 🤝 meme with sol n homura n now im coming back to that#its not a 1 to 1 au straight up the commonalities begin n end at ''tammy & sol are kind of like madoka/homura''#stuff i got down for it in a sleep deprived haze were that sol nemmie n tangent were the only magical girls#n tammy hasnt been offered to become one nemmie n tangent arent aware that sol is a magical girl for a while#friendgroup at school is nemmie cal tammy n sol (tangent goes to a different school n is separate until she teams up with nemmie)#nemmie n tang team up bc somehow witch attacks keep being diverted from certain locations n grief seeds are disappearing#which is actually sol's doing theyre moving witches away from areas tammy will be n the grief seeds are to 1. discourage nem n tang from#fighting witches n 2. so sol can stockpile them basically bc they use timetravel a lot n need to keep their gem clean#the timeloop has progress (to an extent) its not a singular month looping its kind of like. video game save mechanics#like reloading the save u have before a bossfight n then if ur not adequately prepared reloading a save u have farther back#n then continuing on until u get stuck on a specific fight again yknow#theres more but moving on to the two unfinished things those are meant to be like a utdr au (specifically dr)#in a similar manner to the previous au of same premise n setting but different story bc theyre different characters#there's a lot less set for this au its entirely just playing in the sand n has nothing beyond vague role assignments#the first one that's like lineart in different colors is entirely scrapped bc i didnt like how it was turning out (meant to be darkworld fit#second one i struggled BADLY with marz oh my god this au is literally primarily for having fun with character designs but oh my god.#as it says there shes meant to be a modern art styled metal monster (got the metal idea from her dads' names n the modern art bc shesrefined#n sleek) but i had no actual idea how to convey that n i was trying to tackle it from a pixel art angle this time n i could notfigure it out#n then nomi nomi was super easy literally didnt even sketch them theyre a tiny pixie im sorry marz T-T#probably not gonna touch on this stuff again cause i was fixing on exo to avoid thinking about my bday but its happened so im fine now 👍
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Anyone out there got a solution for when you're feeling really stuck with your art and everyone and their mother tells you the solution is to do studies and figure drawings and other such things but even just thinking about doing those things makes you Spiral and want to Kill Yourself?
#monster noises#it's 1am no one will see this it's fine#it's a genuine problem though i Wish i could be aotherfucker who found it engaging and satisfying to do figure drawing#but i both A) had some bad experiences with this type of learning in highschool that i guess kinda make them triggering for me i guess?#and B) my brain doesn't seem to be able to like.. Learn Things.... That Way.... or at least not Obviously#i mean obviously i've improved as an artist over time in general#and i won't lie and say i've Never done figure drawing or studies or anything#but i never leave those situations feeling like i've Learned anything#mostly i've just sat for several hours growing increasinglyore frustrated#at my limitations and inability to achieve what i feel should come to me intuatively#and even if i Did feel like i've learned something i can seemingly never turn around and then apply it to something else#my brain does not make those lateral connections#it's why i can't do word problems in math.#and plus i also find stuff like figure drawing especially Rarely helps me make progress on the parts of my work i Actually want to improve#fluidity/mobility/stylization and surrealism#and only reinforces practices i want to pull away from#realism/'correctness'#all this combined leaves me just kinda stuck because i really can't power through my fear of these practicing methods#because i also don't find them useful#but i have no alternatives because it's like.. the only thing anyone suggests because theoretically is Does Work#but just not when you're Specifically Busted like I'm Busted#and so I just continue to stagnate until idk.. i find something else that can abruptly and suddenly launch me forward again?.#augh.. being an artist is The Most Enjoyable (_=<=)_
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
selene what's got you smiling so sweetly? (is it the hunter, covered in blood?) ๏˽๏
#ouroboros-if#interactive fiction#sene/selene#posting on tumblr nowadays like im golfing off a highrise roof#punting a post into the fray hand on my eyebrows to shield from the sun watching if it lands well#obligatory napoleon dynamite style fistpump if it does#anyway hi 🫣 im still scuttling around like crecher but im making so much progress on ouro stuff#been really enjoying S' character portraits and incorporating more hints of Oakwerths architecture into their design#thinking of adding some porcelain caps to their horns#happy to share some sneak peeks if you forgive me for not being very social :]#i have 722 asks right now! seven hundred and twenty two. that is a dizzying nr and i honestly don't even know where to start#hopefully it gets neater once the ouro blog is up. pffft a girl can hope#i cannot thank you enough for your kind words and evocative q's#(everytime something new comes in it feels like seeing the first spring flowers) it really fuels me#i am working on the not so secret secret project for a while longer#who would've thunk i'd be more productive when not spending so much time on social media. honestly its a mystery#i hope you are doing well ✨#*skedaddles back offline*
106 notes
·
View notes
Text
i know hoyo is setting up rhine to have good intent and whatever in her trying to 'save' khaneri'ah or whatever; but i REALLY hope they stay with the cruel persona thats been built up for her. because it would be so wonderful to see a character who had good intent in the beginning just get absolutely corrupted; with the inability to ever go back to that prior state purely because of what had happened. also because there is NO way in her turning back after all that shit
#sorry. i dont think theres any good and plausible explanation for rhine to still be a kind or gentle person in general#she can (and SHOULD) have her moments. but it'd make so much more sense (and be much more impactful) for her to be inherently cruel#because look at all the stuff thats happened#i love the indomitable human spirit trope. dont get me wrong.#but rhine has that in the way she WONT stop her research till shes either dead or murdered. she is not gonna be gentle kind and optimistic#she watched all her kids (that she was SHOWN to care for) get very brutally murdered.#had to then go and kill her next creations that she didn't consider perfect (which most certainly fucks a women up. no matter what you say)#made the 'perfect creation' and the way she treated him was obviously a HUGE contrast to how she was before (being gentle and nuturing)#and left him (albeit with what we can guess was good intent) with NO goodbye just#a recommendation letter. a text. and his final mission#she could have good intent#and still care for others#dont get me wrong!!!!!!!#but shes. human???#humans can be (as much as i hate to say it) a tad selfish when it comes to survival#and being antagonized demonized AND shunned by teyvat and even her own people. having to survive multiple gods wrath#isn't. gonna be good for the human psych#and it isn't gonna be something fixable#look at how furina progressively faltered over a hundered years WHILE being adored#she already started waning in her ethics and morals (as someone immortalized as a human WOULD)#with exposing lyney and all of that when it was VERY clearly the morally wrong thing to do (which her as a human would know)#and being relatively pessimistic and clearly spiralling#(no hate. i love furina with all my heart.)#if thats how FURINA started going#imagine rhine who has nobody (save maybe alice. but i doubt she'd be constant given her spontaneous nature and refusal to sit still)#shit man. even I'D go crazy and be horrible.#its okay and natural to be bitter#and its not as if anybody was there to help#hexenzirkel has a ton of women who survived their own nations falling yes#but not ONE of them (from what we know) has had circumstances any where near rhine's
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
One of These days I will claw my way out of my depression hole, but let me rest on the way up please.
#ryders rambles#idk sometimes it feels like if im not constantly making efforts to get better or whatever im failing or even my progress is coming undone#it’s exhausting.#and honestly when it feels like that it feels eaiser to just stay in the hole cuz I’ve been here so long#sorry for venting on main#I’m aware that’s a flawed mindset but getting out of those is hard as well#but feel free to reblog#idk thought you guys might relate#so I put it here#vent post#mental health#depression#personal#unrelated to anything#just tend to think about my mental state and stuff while on my nightly tumblr rounds and idk I felt like I needed to say this
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
I am. So so scared about that they're doing with Tory this season lol.
#⚡ ooc. ── ❝ 𝘖𝘩 𝘯𝘰 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘪. ❞#the thing is I do like a good corruption arc but she has already made so much progress and EARNED her face turn yknow?#it took her three whole seasons of changing and wanting to be a better person to get there. *that* didn't come out of nowhere.#and it wasn't just an act of necessity to get rid of silver and kim that is tory being who she is instead of this front of forced toughness#my mixed feelings mostly come from how absolutely convoluted some things are around her return to kreese#like for one I will say they did pick the only circumstance in which I could see breaking her enough to go back (her mom d*ing)#that is literally the ONLY thing that could have worked and been believable for me to put her in that headspace#where she's so desperate just to make sense of the world again that she's susceptible to kreese's influence again#I don't have a problem with THAT aspect. I like how that was done in the vacuum of things and that part is what works for me.#what I don't like is everything happening *around* that situation and there being some glaring things that have to be overlooked#to make it happen exactly as it did#for starters it makes no fucking sense to me at all that no one went to physically check on Tory when she ghosted everyone#and then NOBODY checked on her after that fight when something was clearly wrong with her???? absolutely not.#the only explanation that would make sense for me is that she ran away and went where no one could find her#but the show didn't give us anything like that. they just skipped time so they could have her turn be more shocking.#and I hated that so so so much#also the other major plothole for me is tory willingly working with kim again#kim is to her what silver is to daniel so I don't think even under this extreme mental duress that she would go back#bc kim literally traumatized her#she would go back to kreese yeah. I could believe that. but there is no way she wants to be around kim *at all*#that would be like having daniel forgive silver and go back to him just because he teaches good karate#I have feelings and obvs I'm gonna wait and see how this plays out but I'm genuinely worried#especially after seeing some stuff in the trailers / released screencaps that have me concerned about where they're taking it#which I won't talk about in this post bc potential spoilers but uh. I definitely have strong feelings about a couple of things.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
when the kind-of-therapist says you're making progress.........
#maybe i will be okay#also i do see the progress. except when i'm deep into my anxiety then i feel like everything is awful and i'll never heal#but hey. that isn't all the time#also i came out to him as nonbinary :) i planned to but almost didn't but then before leaving i was like uh can i tell you something#and i felt nervous but did it! i knew he'd be chill with it it's just always nerve-wracking to come out#but like i'm pretty sure he's trans so no one else irl feels safer to tell something like that to#and it's nice when i don't have to pretend i'm a man? bc ppl are comfortable with that? i mean i don't even pretend ppl just assume#i almost never bother tho cause like i don't have it in me to explain. it's so tiring explaining my gender to cis people#so assume what you want i'm not happy with that but it is what it is#it's definitely been nice to have one of the mental health professionals who works with me be trans like. makes the difference#i've been so tired of cis people and i never thought i'd get to talk in that context to someone who's not. being able to talk about trans#things freely (or at all) and knowing i'm being if not understood bc experiences differ at least listened to with empathy and a level of#i guess understanding of the whole picture. like all my love to my therapist-therapist but#i think he's cis (i'm sure tbh) and when i mention trans things sometimes i have to explain stuff that's not what i wanted to talk about#but that's needed knowledge to understand and he doesn't have it. a trans person does#and it's honestly a bit frustrating when i have to do that#nico rambles
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sometimes progress is calling in sick in time, because I realise that I got some flu and no it won't be better in the few hours I would need to head out for my shift. Unlike previous times when I convinced myself I'm not even that sick and worked through the pain and all...
It might have something to do with the fact that the only position where my back doesn't feel like it's splitting in half is kneeling on all fours, but whatever, insignificant detail, I'm proud of my progress
#i again almost convinced myself im not even sick#but then i realised i can barely walk#which would be a requirement you know to get like to the OR and stuff#i always tell everyone not to go to work when aick because they deserve the rest#and then i always forget about it when it comes to me#so yeah i am proud of myself because even small progress is progress
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
the yearning to be part of something big and celebrated for your ideas but also. you dont have any ideas and youve never been part of something very big.
#yearning above one’s means#id love to make something beautiful and admirable. but see the thing is i dont know if ill ever be the person who can#make something as lovely as i’d like#i’d like to make a game or experience or writing or art that when someone sees it brings joy into their life#but then i dont know hardly any of the steps to getting there#so am i just prideful over nothing then? to want this and not have progress for it? am i just chai hifirush cant play guitar rockstar?#i just see like. zines popping up in fandoms im in every so often and then theyre already wrapped up and done when i can even consider-#-applying to join and its. how do i get an in? what am i missing? who is starting this that i just dont know? do i have to make it myself?#but when i start stuff myself i dont reach anyone anyways. because so few people see what i make and fewer follow and fewer come back#and on toyhouse i post bulletins ill draw free stuff and i dont think anyone who subscribes to me wants bulletins from me bc theyre 0 comme#-ts so. so what do i. i dont know the people and nobody knows me where do i go#personal vent#long tags#if i just suck and dont make anything worthwhile id rather hear that and know thats why#than keep thinking the stuff i do make is cool and making it and wondering why nobody else thinks its cool. cause hardly anyone sees it
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Tomorrow I embark on a most boring journey that will culminate in the first in-person holiday with family since pre-plague times.
I’ll likely step on eggshells for a good portion of my visit, but I’m medicated this time around, so I hope that will make a difference for me.
*deep breath* Fingers crossed.
#text post#april rambles#mental health#family stuff#I think I've come a long way since then#for instance realizing I'm NOT the problem there#even though I've got the scapegoat role more or less nailed down#J is my emotional support every year and for some reason I never really believed him when he told me that it WASN'T me#still wish I had closer ties with my siblings but that's tricky when none of you are social and you're the one who lives out of state#everyone in the fam likely needs therapy but they would never#every year I'm worried I will turn into my father#at least at the end of the day I'm taking steps to manage my anger and can admit my hypocracies#if nothing else that's some sort of progress#ANXIETY#I think I'm doing this to prove I can shoulder this garden variety bullshit#at least I get to see how my wee nephews are doing
85 notes
·
View notes
Text
I might come back here. I sorta lied about why I left I guess. Well it’s true I wasn’t in any arguments with anyone I had issues with another member of the official vocaloid community. (There’s a lot of swearing and unmedicated rage under the cut)
In my mind this person bullied a lot of other blogs over misunderstandings or minor disagreements. At the time I felt like this person was very defensive and I felt like this was their way of protecting themself. But as some who was bullied quite frequently I always felt a little anxious around them.
In hindsight that was stupid as hell. I’m in university now and I now bullies are fucking babies who attack other people because they want to feel superior or take out their emotions in an unhealthy way.
It’s come to my attention however that this person may not have just been a bully. It’s possible this person was doing some pretty bad shit to people. And honestly it makes me really fucking mad that this person went around playing moral guardian nitpicking things 14 year olds were saying. All the while this person was allegedly doing some god awful things. It makes me mad that this person got a following with this type of blog. These blogs are supposed to make people smile or want to join in the fun. Not make people scared or harm anyone.
Honestly it just makes me mad that I bent to that person. I wish I stood up for myself on my petty grievances and I admire the bravery the two people I know of for stand up after some genuinely god awful shit.
I just want to say this now. No matter if I do come back or not if anyone in the officialoid community makes you feel uncomfortable tell Aunt Haku and I’ll listen. I’ll do my best to help and I’ll let that person know they aren’t welcome around you.
We’re silly rp blogs for god’s sake it’s time we start acting like it
#I’m not saying who it is. their name isn’t worth typing#it’s 12:30am rn and I progressively got more pissed as I wrote this#idk who’s even left at this point out of everyone when I left#I’m tired#it’s bed time#istg if I come back after my 12 hours of slumber and stuff is falling apart I’ll be livid
6 notes
·
View notes