#even though we’re adults
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Even Though We’re Adults
Otona ni Natte mo
Takako Shimura
8 volumes (ongoing)
drama, romance, slice of life
“Ayano, an elementary school teacher in her thirties, stops by a bar one day and meets another woman named Akari. Sparks fly as the two chat, and before the night is over, Ayano even goes in for a kiss. Akari is intrigued but confused…especially when she discovers that Ayano has a husband! Both Ayano and Akari are about to find out that love doesn’t get any easier, even as you grow older.”
(resume from Seven Seas Entertainment)
Story: 7/10
A simple yet complex slice of life story. I was a little scared because it seems that many topics were covered in this manga, like queer relationships and depression for example, but it all seemed really natural in some way. The entire story is very realistic and I could totally see it happen to someone in real life… One thing I could criticize is the infidelity in the manga. It just feels very wrong and it made me uncomfortable on a few occasions. I hate stories that attempt to justify adultery by "real love/fate" or whatever.
Cast: 9/10
The cast is very humanlike. All of them have their faults and their qualities. I’m thinking about the husband (I forgot his name ngl). I find his behavior somewhat irritating but at the same time I totally understand how he feels about all of this and why he's acting that way. You don’t really get to like or dislike a character because they all have their reasons to be as they are so you can't actually blame them. And I love that, it makes the story even more real.
Art: 6/10
Not my favorite kind of art, but I still love it a lot. It’s easy to understand. The volume cover are beautiful, I like the watercolour ambiance and the color scheme used is also very nice.
Enjoyment: 6/10
I really liked this story. I've only been through the first three volumes. I'm going to wait for the rest to be released in my country so I can buy the manga. Even if, once again, the whole infidelity thing made me uncomfortable.
Overall: 7/10
#Even Though We’re Adults#Otona ni Natte mo#おとなになっても#manga recommendation#book recommendations#manga review#bloup review#manga#romance#girls love#slice of life#drama#josei
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Wow, a yuri with adult characters! And they’re both 35!
Years ago, when I spent a lot more of my free time reading manga, I would often come across a scanlator group called the Sexy Akiba Detectives. Their name came to stick in my mind because of how often I saw it in their custom credits, accompanied by whatever comments they had about the chapter. I learned from reading those notes that they were a yuri focused group that occasionally did other genres as commissions. Years later, tonight actually, their name popped up in my mind and I went and looked through the list of manga they’ve scanlated, looking for something to read. This manga stood out to me, so I gave it a shot.
I read the available chapters Mangadex has, then I went looking for the rest; the next site I found only had up to chapter 30, so I’ll have to find another. All in all, I’m really enjoying it. I don’t agree with the last line of the description calling the characters “some awful human beings” however, as I feel like it just glazes over why the characters act the way they do and how the people around them influence it to instead just boil it down to them being “terrible people.” I haven’t finished the manga yet though so maybe the two main characters become serial killers or something.
The big plot twist is revealed chapter one and acts as the catalyst for everything else, so I don’t feel a particular need to add a spoiler, but some people do care so as always; thar be spoilers below.
I haven’t quite had time to sort my feelings about this manga into more coherent thoughts, so a lot of this will be just me rambling. A lot of this manga is more feelings for me anyway, so it isn’t that off anyway.
The way homophobia is presented in this feels very refreshing, though it feels odd to put it that way. Relatable may be a less… inciting word. It isn’t loud and violent, it isn’t in hushed whispers, it’s subtle; it’s baked into the words and actions of the characters in a way that feels natural. It’s a hidden poison.
Fairly early in the manga, Ayano comes out to her husband, and later his family, that she had an affair with another woman. These are the panels that stuck out to me specifically.
I cropped out parts that weren’t relevant to my point. I do wonder if I’m looking too far into it, and the mother is just reacting that way not because she kissed a woman, but because kissing was as far as it went.
This is the kind I’m use to seeing and experiencing, the kind that even well-meaning or seemingly decent people display. They don’t even notice it. Violence is in your face, you have to at least pretend to disavow it. But this is so baked into people’s beliefs that questioning it would have everyone in the room look at you like you’re crazy. If you put homosexual and heterosexual relationships on a scale, the former would have no chance of touching the ground.
This kind of language exists when you see lesbianism as a transitional period or a phase in a woman’s life. You can play around while you’re in school, but once you graduate then marrying a man and having his children is where you will always end up.
Ayano as a character is also really interesting to me. She is a great example of a passive character; she constantly moves forward in life without any real will or want, at least until she meets Akari. She married her husband because she thought he’d be an okay person to marry, she agreed to wanting children but left it to something that will come when it’s time; more and more, it becomes apparent that she doesn’t want these things because now that shes taken something for herself, she can’t stop. She admits almost immediately to her husband that she had an affair, shes completely open about it to his family, like she wants them to push her away, to initiate everything, because she can’t do it herself. She makes no attempt to hide her feelings and openly admits to him that shes texting the woman she had an affair with. She wants to want, to take, to not be passive, but she doesn’t know how and still needs someone else to give her the push.
It feels a little unfair to write so little about this manga in comparison to Tomorrow, I Will Be Somebody’s Girlfriend when I have comparable feelings to both, but the latter is so much easier to write about because there’s so much going on, so many characters (and it’s longer!) while the former is more of a nebulous feeling in my chest that brings hazy memories of my own to mind.
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even though we’re adults - takako shimura
i read this one a while ago so i don’t remember everything :’)
a schoolteacher in a comphet marriage meets a free-spirited woman in a bar one night and realize they have a mutual attraction, sparking a lot of lies, a messy divorce, and a completely new relationship
the couple: they’re sweet but they make me tear my hair out in a bad way. why can’t you just be happy whyyyy. but i knew what i was getting myself into with this one
story and setting: extremely dysfunctional families, everybody is scheming against everybody else, and everybody loves doing SO much adultery. but underneath all that there are some really touching relationships and character growth moments.
obligated to mention that bisexual women keep catching random strays re “you were able to stop dating women and marry a man and live a normal life but I’m Different” like omg grow up literally leave us alone
the art: honestly the biggest reason i kept reading, it’s very up my alley! i like the faces and the big expressive eyes
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The whole discourse about the privacy/secrecy/support thing has been sitting with me for a few days (I mean other than it always does to a certain degree) thanks to all the excellent discussion happening and I know I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said a million times before, but I think what we're seeing and what we're going to learn (e.g. from TTPD) is that it wasn't just the support issue, but how it was shown/handled.
We've all gone out of our way to show that introversion =/= lack of support. Someone can be shy, reserved, etc. and still show up for their partner, whether in public or at home. To chalk any of the differences up to the clash between introversion and extroversion is unfair to folks who count themselves among either tbh.
@thisisctrying said something the other day that hit the nail on the head about how if that support had been offered in private, there very well may not have been a Joever to begin with, or at least not at this point in time. (Sorry for loosely paraphrasing, and for namedropping you! Long time listener, first time poster.)
If this were a case where the "shy" partner said, "I am really uncomfortable with the spotlight personally and do not want to court it, but I will support you in your ambitions and offer you whatever you need to make them happen and make the glare bearable," I suspect that would have gone a long way to making Taylor feel seen and comfortable in pursuing her goals in the way that she now has. Again, that might have been more akin to the balance that seemed to have been struck around 2019 from what we can see, but even speaking in a general sense, there are lots of couples out there, celebrity or not, that have similar approaches where there are highly driven people and busy careers involved.
(A famous example being Dolly Parton's marriage. Tbh I know next to nothing about her and Carl, but she's always heralded as an example in this regard, because her husband is famously uncomfortable with the spotlight and hasn't accompanied her to public events in decades, but she's said that she never minded that because that was always work to her, and what was important was that he supported her in pursuing all her career goals and basically ensured she had a place to call home to return to at the end of the day.)
We're kind of in a brave new world with her current relationship because it felt like, at least at the start, we were maybe watching her figure out her boundaries in real time as to what she was comfortable with or not and adjust accordingly. Like so many have said, I fully believe the extreme privacy thing was initially driven by herself and her experiences in 2016, and she needed that quiet time to recover from all of the things and figure out how to exist in the world again.
Stating the obvious, it seemed like eventually privacy was equated with secrecy, turning the relationship and the celebrity into the elephant in the room and something to never be spoken of to the outside world. People are free to choose whatever works best for themselves and their relationships, and for some the separate public lives might work, but the “kept me like a secret but I kept you like an oath” theme is all over her work and it’s clear that it’s a sore spot for her, because she’s been made to feel shame just for the life she leads so many times in the past.
What I’m trying to say is that it’s pretty obvious something Not Great was happening behind the scenes, which didn’t just amount to “she wanted to be a public celebrity and he wanted to be a private hermit.” (Also, in case anyone forgot, this is a person who also chose a public-facing career who also has to engage in press for it, but I digress.) As her career reached new heights post-folklore, if she had the support at home to do all the things without judgment and with encouragement, and in turn offer the same support to her partner, she may have very well lived just fine with that, not unlike Dolly Parton’s case.
By reading between the lines in all the press since, as well as comments on tour and general ~vibes~ with TTPD teasers, it seems like one of the issues was that that was likely not the case. There was all the stuff that we saw — the reticence to acknowledge each other in the media (particularly on one side), the lack of public support even at events at which they were both in attendance for their respective jobs, the great lengths they went to not to be photographed together at events they attended yet no problem taking pictures with other friends and coworkers, the jobs that separated them, the withdrawing from the public even for work accomplishments, etc. Which could all be manageable if a couple chooses to do so together and are not inherently a sign of trouble in themselves.
But what we’re seeing now I think is a reflection of the things we weren’t seeing then, and it seems to indicate some very deep hurt. (I know, call me Captain Obvious.) And like so many have been saying, it feels likely that that part of that hurt is rooted in that very lack of private support where a person would expect it from their partner. Obviously as a Taylor fan blog I’m going to be more inclined to understand her side of a story, but tbh, it’s also because… this is sooooooo common, and something I’ve experienced in my friend group. (@taylortruther is right when she says most breakups are the same one way or another lol.)
One partner is resentful of the other’s success, or resentful that the other’s priorities begin to evolve as new experiences unlock new goals, or feels the other’s ambitions are not worthy of pursuit, and coupled with perhaps their own struggles in the same domain, it’s easy to see where that can chip away at the other partner’s morale and faith in the relationship. I know I’m just speculating here, but I also don’t think it’s totally unfounded. (Again, because a) I’m picking up what she’s putting down and b) it happens to sooooooo many women even among us dull normals.)
With all the pointed mentions about how much Taylor feels supported in her current relationship and how she in turn loves to offer the same show of support to not only her partner but other loved ones, how she’s stepped out more in the last year to a whole host of events, how she’s mentioned feeling like she locked herself away for years and she’s just proud of her partner and happy she can show up for him even if the chaos around it is unsettling, it paints a picture of what perhaps was happening before last year.
To feel like you’re all alone in carrying the weight of the relationship (or burden of it), of twisting yourself into knots to accommodate the other person’s boundaries (or insecurities) but not feeling reciprocity for your own has to be so painful. (The idea that it may have been even darker and to have a partner not only be unreceptive to your own needs but even perhaps resentful/dismissive/belittling of them is even more painful to think of. I guess we’ll find out when TTPD comes out if that was the case, too.)
At a certain point, that lack of acknowledgement will force your hand to be able to reclaim yourself. And it feels like the further removed Taylor in particular is from it, the more she moves from being sad about the life she felt she gave up by leaving, to angry at the life she felt she was giving up by staying. Especially being in a relationship now where it seems like everything comes much easier, where she can be open about the person she’s with and show up for them, all the stuff that seemed as challenging as climbing Mount Everest in her past is nothing more than a molehill at best in her current life.
TL;DR: I don’t think it’s privacy that inherently spells doom for a celebrity relationship like this; it’s the mutual support and respect that does. If Taylor had felt that in the later years of her previous relationship, I think we could be seeing a different, though not necessarily unfulfilled, person right now in 2024, who’d be happy on tour but whose personal life would look a little different. But it seems like by losing that support she lost parts of herself, and we’ve seen her reclaim that in spades in the last year, and perhaps to degrees she didn’t even realize she could from before all the Bad Stuff started happening in her young adulthood.
I know this was extremely long-winded and unnecessary, especially about total strangers we only know through scraps fed through the media, but I just always bristle at this idea that issues like these boil down to “personality differences,” as though one person wants to live in a city and the other on a remote island, or some shit like that. The whole support (and gender tbh) issue is one that’s just very close to my heart because again, I have seen it play out with so many of my friends in long term relationships and marriages and I just think people in relationships (and women in particular in some circles) deserve better than to feel like they’re being, well, tolerated.
#thisisctrying and taylortruther sorry for tagging you two!#can remove if needed!#but you guys made me think a lot#this was inspired by a conversation i had with a friend the other day#where she relayed an argument she had with her partner#who basically felt slighted that he wasn’t getting acknowledgement for all the housework he does — which is. just. the dishes#and she was like ‘wow congrats you’ve done the dishes — i do every other fucking thing to keep this household afloat in ways you see#and don’t see and i never ask for praise because it’s just stuff that needs to get done because that’s how you support your family’#and it just reminded me that some partners (and a certain kind of man in particular) just… think their struggles take precedence#when their partners drown in them everyday but keep things afloat out of necessity and are never recognized or supported for it#(my friends have shitty husbands/boyfriends can you tell lol)#long post#again the way i just feel like i know the vibes of ttpd in my bones are 😵💫#i feel like i have a lot more thoughts but I’m trying to be more gracious and less parasocial so#also just want to again defend the introverts of the world by reiterating that being introverted does not mean unsupportive#being a shitty partner does though!#writing letters addressed to the fire#it’s also just like… i feel like if Taylor had had even a modicum of the support in private and even public she needed#she’d probably still be with you know who and wouldn’t have considered leaving let alone doing it#because it would have felt like enough and like it was what was needed for both of them#whereas we’re seeing a completely new side of her open up now because this is the first time she’s ever had that support from a partner#in her adult life at least#and it’s like it’s opening up things she didn’t know she needed or wanted
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“Well yeah, of course it’s not going to be as good as the original show!”
Then why?
Why does this thing exist?
Why does it need to exist in the first place?
This “defense” is not the flex you think it is
If you can’t remake it better
Why remake it at all?
#natla#atla live action#avatar the last airbender#i mean i know why it exists#it exists the same reason all live action remakes exist#because the showrunners hate animation#it’s ‘kids stuff’#clearly WE can do better because this is the ADULT version#it’s live action and we start off with a full blown genocide#OOOOO look at us#we’re the dark and gritty ATLA#even though everyone looks like they’re cosplaying from the cartoon and it’s really fucking jarring#also literally no one was asking for a 1:1 remake#that’s what the idiots who were pissed off about the percy jackson series wanted
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the fact that doctors can just Recommend Weight Loss with no instructions beyond ‘eat healthier/less’ is actually insane to me, i lost weight on purpose ONCE and it took me like 6 years to recover a semi-normal relationship with food and hunger
#uhh#disordered eating cw#just in case#mumbling#like jfc i know i’m not the first to say it and my experience is relatively SO tame#but it STILL fucked with my head for YEARS#and most people don’t go nearly that long between weight loss attempts at all for basically their whole lives!!!!!#and we’re so blasé about it like yeah just eat less to lose weight#and so few people talk about the really weird shit that phase of my life taught me even though they seem like pretty universal things#like when you lose weight deliberately by denying yourself food you get COLD#you get cold and you get in your head and you get sad it’s like being less alive#the times i’ve lost weight/recomped on accident (by doing smth that makes me move more‚ getting better sleep etc)#it’s been WARM#burn hotter move freer feel happier#and also the way hunger feels when you’ve been denying yourself food for an extended time is NOT the same as baseline hunger#it’s actually kind of wild that we use the same word to describe both feelings like that shit is NOT the same#that shit is not ‘being really hungry’ it’s a fuckin. blood curse or some shit you feel straight up unhinged#and i should disclaim here i am not talking large amounts of weight#i’ve fluctuated over i think a 20lb range max since reaching close to my adult height and that’s a guesstimate#but even in my relatively unremarkable little experiences here the way deliberate weight loss fucked with my brain is absurd to me#i’m fine now have been for years but seriously thinking back on it the fact that this is routine medical advice. unreal
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Nitpicky pet peeve for published books, I find it extremely grating when a character isn’t doing something they otherwise would and it’s obvious the only reason is the author has decided “X can’t happen yet for the plot”. Because it’s totally fine and reasonable if X can’t happen yet for the plot, but then…come up with a legitimate reason for the character not doing X? Don’t be lazy about it!
(This complaint brought to you by the fact that the protagonist of the book I was listening to was confronted by what he thought was the dead body of the love of his life and went into a blind rage and tried to murder the antagonist who was responsible for her death and he…stopped himself for Reasons that seem to boil down to “she wouldn’t want me to kill someone” except that a) he regularly kills people who have done far less than the antagonist, b) she knows this and is fine with it, c) she would definitely support him avenging her with murder (to be clear she is not actually dead but neither he nor the antagonist know that), and d) this motherfucker (the antagonist) definitely deserves to get murdered. Like…it would have been extremely easy to write it as “he was stopped by the guards in the room” or “the antagonist managed to escape” so the fact that the reason the antagonist is still alive is because the protagonist had a bizarre crisis of conscience resulting in a complete and total personality change is just???????? Please be so fucking serious rn)
#chapel for ts#these guys have beef going back years the protagonist wanted him dead way before this make it make sense#I may still continue when/if I get over my annoyance but I was already on the fence over the reviews#which confirmed that there is still hardly any real development of the romance in this book despite the fact that by the end we’re almost#900 pages into the series (trilogy?)#although I do think part of the issue there is genre confusion#because this feels like it can’t decide if it’s fantasy or romance or adult or ya so it seems to be reluctant to develop the actual romance#even though the relationship between the protagonists is fundamental to the plot#Smdh
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sometimes I think about writing and singing music not because I’m an incredible singer but because no one has my fucking voice, especially in popular music, and its disheartening to be born a girl, told you’ll only get girl roles or try to voice match other girls, or ‘sing with the girls’ and then only be able to match male voices because you’re a fuckin tenor and not anything higher. I can’t think of any girl Broadway roles I can hit all the notes on. Most songs I love I have to pitch down for myself or use falsetto for singing along to. It bothers me a lot less now because I’m an adult who’s more secure in myself but as a teen in kids musical theatre it FUCKED with me, BAD style. And I know for a fact that even now when I hear people with a voice like mine singing I get excited and immediately invested in their work because they’re like ME, finally, for once. A brother in this world of being afab and having the voice of a recently pubescent boy forever. Maybe I should be that brother too.
#Using randomly gendered words because that’s me now but hey#Regardless of if you were born afab and are a girl 100% or if you were born afab and are someone else#It STILL sucks to always be grouped along with ‘girls’ just because of your voice and realize#You CANT hit that. You can’t hit the mark for ‘girl’. You’ll never achieve that without like. Hrt#Just say THE VOCAL CLASS. Like. Sopranos sing with this. Tenors with this. Bass with this. Etc#Then it doesn’t hurt! But nooo instead they’re looking or ‘sing with the other girls’ and you fucking can’t#And it gives you a crisis at age 14#Anyway all I know is when other people who were assigned female at birth and aren’t on something they changes ones voice#and just happen to have born with the same deep ass voice as me. It makes me proud to hear them use it#Because not enough people do. It’s like we’re all collectively embarrassed or something#I see so many sad posts from teenagers posting their dream roles and the reason they won’t get it is ‘girl’#and it’s like. I remember being that kid. Never able to get a female lead because of my voice. Never able to get a male lead because of gir#Even though my voice and appearance could easily swing male. Nope! You’re GIRL. So you’re doomed to background forever :)#I got 1 lead role and it was when I was at my most feminine and was also for a villain that was a fat hag#I LOOOOVED playing her im aunt sponge forever. BUT. Never getting one again after that… showed me. Something#More gender blind casting and more songs just written for tenors please#doing just ONE of those things would probably solve the issue#But both please because I’m greedy and I want what I couldn’t have for every kid today#(And also me in the future in adult community theatre. Haven’t had time/too intimidated so far but I WILL go back)#And before anyone questions the language on this post. I STRUGGLED with how to word it#TERFs begone. I love trans people. I am nonbinary and some form of intersex (pcos).#I just word it this way because of like. Where we all start#Whether we stay GIRL girls or realize we’re somewhere in between. It crushes us either way to have the ‘wrong’ voice to do anything#Because it did me at first. And I’m otherwise GLAD to be confusing#I’ve come to love my deep voice it baffles others and they never know what to call me it really helps the whole ‘what am I’ presentation#But. In terms of certain things. Like being in theatre in the deep south#It certainly does not help and can be disheartening#Especially back when I was younger and more self conscious#lion’s lair
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Claire Randall: I’ve never owned a vase 🤝 me: why don’t I own a cheese knife
#ofc I’ve been struck with the thought ‘why don’t I own a decanter I can’t properly serve wine’#but that was when I was in university apartment housing so I feel like that doesn’t count#I should at this point own a cheese knife even though I’m not entertaining anyone#feels like one of those arbitrary adult milestones I need to achieve#and with how prissy I actually am I SHOULD own a cheese knife#personal#we’re outlanding
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#love that even though I got up early on a Saturday to go do a 5 mile hike#now that I’m home my brain is still insisting that we’re not doing enough#that I need to be doing more and more and more and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#I just want to lie down for a bit but my brain is screaming that this isn’t productive and it doesn’t care that rest IS productive#its the Wrong kind of productive and AAAAAAAAAAA#anyways let your kids and teens take naps otherwise they become neurotic adults who can’t nap ever#UUUGGHHHHHHH
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What a shame… you always had such beautiful hair
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#seeds of the red lotus#original character#sotrl haya#found this about 90% finished in one of my Procreate folders and decided to finish it off#apparently we’re on a RL siblings roll lately#oh Haya. Haya Haya Haya…#what can I even say about her?#she’s very high on the list of the worst OCs we have ever created. she’s truly a vile human being with 0 redeeming qualities#and yet.. here she’s just fourteen. lost and confused and grieving#a little brother on her hands and no one to turn to. to lean on. no one to take care of her#she’s a child. she isn’t supposed to have to be the adult because there’s no one else to take up the mantle#she’s a victim of awful circumstances who nevertheless had the CHOICE not to perpetuate them. but she did#and that’s why what she did is unforgivable#but that’s a talk for future Haya. how about we focus on this Haya for now?#I imagine this takes place at some point not long after her parents die#she looks more like Siamak than Afarin but she did inherit Afarin’s hair. it reminds her of her every time she looks in the mirror#and after a while she can’t take it any longer#so she stumbles into the kitchen late at night. pulls scissors out of the drawer and goes wild#but it doesn’t bring any relief. she looks at her curls scattered all over the floor and she just feels worse#the scissors fall out of her hand and it takes everything in her not to cry because Ghazan might wake up and hear her#so she just stands there in the dark kitchen. feeling utterly alone in the world#and she truly. truly is. isn’t she? she’s alone. an orphaned girl no one will ever care about again. how awfully sad is that?#anyway. moving in before I start crying. you know what I just noticed?#the way I drew this implies the scissors fell out of her left hand. meaning likely she was using her left hand. meaning she’s left handed#just like Suiren is. does that mean Suiren inherited that FROM Haya? that it’s yet another similarity they share? well it wasn’t intentional#but now that I’ve though of it… yes. yes that is exactly the case. and I’m close to biting into a wall because of it#did I ever mention that Suiren is left handed before? I can’t remember. but I decided she was +- five years ago. so it’s always been canon
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Is there an age gap between Cora and Illuso?
Given that Illuso doesn’t have a canon age, this honestly depends on how old you HC him to be. I personally see him as being around 26 or younger, so in that case there wouldn’t be much of an age gap since Cora is 24. But I do have a bit of an inside joke about Illuso secretly being like 30, though it’s definitely not something I take seriously. 😭 So unless I’m joking about his old man behavior or something, there’s only like 2 years between them.
#illuso#coratella#illucora#la squadra di esecuzione#jojo’s bizarre adventure#vento aureo#golden wind#jjba#va#gw#oc#original character#they’re definitely both adults ether way though#so we’re good regardless of what you hc his age to be#I’m actually even considering changing cora’s age to 25#but I’m not 100% sure on that since I haven’t fully worked out the la squadra timeline in my head yet#but we’re getting there—
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i wish i’d kept pushing the point (<- vagueposting). im so tired i’m hitting a wall. but why is the answer to feeling bottomlessly lonely just to love myself and be loved by myself? isn’t that only more loneliness?
#purrs#i know being by myself is not aloneness. but like seriously are you actually serious that there is no one coming to save me? that I have to#walk around with this giant gaping wound forever and no one will be able yo close it? i need total nurturance and comfort badly and to have#any less than total is.. well i don’t want to say it’s as bad as having none at all because obviously it’s not true. but it’s still bad. it#makes it harder to ask for more when you already have some and have reached the limit of what you can ask for. i just feel bottomlessly#lonely. i know things will get better. but what i really need is a long hug and a good cry in someone’s arms. not isolating myself in a#cabin for a week (though i know i desperately need that too). like we’re human beings and we can do that for each other so why don’t we? why#can’t we fix each other? why can’t we be nurturing like that and fill the voids for people who have them. and i know it’s rich coming from m#me bc iam skittish like a horse around emotions and also that it’s pitifully expected from me bc i am reading too much into normal experien#nces most people have. but how am i supposed to just accept that i didn’t get the love i needed (even if im romanticizing m*therlove lmao) a#and then move on as if that’s fine? how can i just snap my fingers and be an autonomous adult when ive spent years accruing psychological#damage with the most limited kind of cushioning? when every second brings with it a potential jab to my River of Pain nerve? idk.#i was deeply violently depressed abt this stuff earlier this week but tonight im just quietly sad. i want the stability and certainty of#(unconditional) love. i want my whole future safe and warm and now or at least the ability to trust it will exist which is also called hope.#i don’t want to be alone and wretched anymore.
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literally why did I never watch a single episode of one piece when I was a kid it’s one of the funniest fucking things I’ve seen in my life
#it never caught my attention for some reasons even though I’m pretty sure adult swim aired it at one point#I was never interested in pirates ig#Nami: ‘as long as we don’t accidentally say we’re pirates-‘#luffy: ‘we’re pirates’#shsbsjdkfjdns#kitchie beszél#one piece
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Went to an art show today! I told my folks I’d be back around 7:15 but I lingered until nearly eight.
She’s amazing.
I’m glad to be reminded that there’s a future.
#incoherent screeching into the abyss#casually having an adult 18+ years older than me use proper pronouns for someone she doesn’t even know#knowing that she’s queer. that she’s like me. that I’m like her.#there aren’t very many people I can talk to about this#even though I know that some of my sibling’s friends feel similar things about me#we’re here.#we will always be here.
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should I start scheduling the recs for midnight? well no I like the satisfaction of hitting post and also I’m always awake anyway. everybody, read women
#my ramblings#by the end of the month I want to have a curated list where it’s like#if you don’t like and/or aren’t interested in ANYTHING on the list that’s a you problem#like if you’ve already read it that’s one thing congrats and stuff#but I have VNS I have WEBCOMICS I have GRAPHIC NOVELS I have MULTI-VOLUME SERIES I have ONESHOTS I have HIGH SCHOOLERS I have OFFICE WORKERS#I have SLICE OF LIFE I have FANTASY/SCI-FI I have ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP I have TRAGEDY#well I only have one tragedy I think#I don’t actually like tragedies#BUT I HAVE ONE!!!!#I’ve been debating on whether to do run away with me girl or even though we’re adults#they’re not tragedy but more conventional drama isn’t really my genre#I don’t really like affairs :/#ok. if you look at the list and don’t like anything but are interested in drama/divorce/affairs then fine you probably won’t find anything#I mean lady of the shard kind of has that fraught sorta stuff tho#I take it back my list thus far is perfect. you are the problem
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