#even though it feels like I've been trying SO fucking hard

[procyonloser]

"You fucking kidding me right now?!" Adam yelled, dropping his bags, though his guitar case stayed firmly in hand.

Across the front of his van, someone had painted the word, CHEATER, and that was just the first offense he'd noticed. They'd keyed up the paint job, which was a super fucking awesome duochrome that shifted from gold to orange to purple - fucking ruined now. On the side were a litany of worse insults, saying he had a small dick, that he was a man whore, that he was a shitty musician.

He knew who'd done it, and he wasn't even fucking dating the bitch. She was just a groupie he'd fucked a few times on the road; yeah, he'd fucked a few other girls, so what?

"I'm so going to take you to court, you stupid cunt." Adam hissed to himself, getting in the driver's side. But, the van wouldn't start at all. It wouldn't even try to turn over. It just did nothing. She must have fucked with the engine too.

Which left Adam standing on the sidewalk, fuming, as he waited for an Uber to show up. He didn't even fucking live here! He was just on tour! People all over wanted to hear him play, or they would after they heard him at least!

An unremarkable car pulled up along side him, and the passenger window rolled down, and a blond man in the driver's seat leaned over to smile up at him. "Need some h-"

"Fucking finally!" Adam complained, getting a startled look in return. "I've been waiting for you for like twenty goddamn minutes." Adam waved his Uber app at the man, and told him the code.

"Please, get in. I'm Lucky, by the way." The man said with a wide smile. "I have water in the back, if you'd like."

Adam was still fuming, but he tossed his stuff in the back seat, grabbing out a water bottle and jumping into the passenger seat. Yeah, he knew ubers didn't like that, but he didn't do back seats. He was always in front.

He chugged the water, and crushed the bottle, before tossing it out the window.

"Charming," Lucky said, in not so subtle distaste.

"Fuck you, you don't know the night I've had. Some cunt ruined my van, my gig went shitty, cus the bar was like, no you're supposed to pay me. Like shit I'm doing that. Fucking pussies. Chick run, obviously. Can't do anything right." Adam huffed, reaching down to adjust the seat, pushing himself back and getting a bit more leg room. "So suck a dick and just take me to my hotel, shorty."

"Sure," Lucky said, barely even blinking at the insults.

Adam closed his eyes, and began to feel increasingly drowsy. Well, he'd had a long night. "Wake me up when we get there," he mumbled, before sleep took him.

Adam woke up to a not so gentle slap across the face. He startled upwards, eyes wide, finding himself unable to move. He was restrained, cuffs around his hands and legs, and he was entirely nude.

"W...what the fuck? Where am I?" Adam whispered, horror setting in. He'd woken up with some hard 4s before, after getting drunk, but nothing like this.

"Morning," a voice called, and Adam looked up to find the cabby sitting beside him, smiling brightly.

"...Lucky?" Adam asked in confusion.

"Oh, my name is actually Sam, but the news calls me Lucifer." He reached down, caressing Adam's cheek with heavy lidded eyes, not caring that Adam tried to jerk back and away from him.

"I'm a serial killer, sweetheart. And from what I can see, no one particularly likes you, your girlfriend dumped you, your car was ruined, your band is a joke... It would make sense that you'd just...go missing? Wouldn't it?"

Adam's blood went cold, horror began to set in, even though he wanted to scream and shout and curse the man. He tried pulling on his cuffs, but nothing budged. His attention was drawn back to Lucifer as he pulled out a very sharp looking ritualistic knife.

"W- wait, wait! I can...I can help you!" Adam got out, and Lucifer raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, I can help you! I don't like people either! So, I'm not going to say anything about this, you know, I could even tell you about...I don't know, people alone in bars and shit!" Adam tried to persuade him, but he knew it sounded more like begging. "I can...I can be useful, I promise."

Lucifer hummed to himself, appraising him. "You'll be a good boy for me?"

Adam swallowed hard, nodding his head. For some stupid fucking reason, he started to get slightly hard from that.

"Maybe I'll think about it," Lucifer said, but Adam's relief didn't last. "But I can't have you getting away in the meantime. I need to clip your wings."

[canisonicscrewyou]

It is genuinely so hard for me to socialize and keep up with people nowadays. I remind myself that people do in fact actually want me in their lives but then I have to hype myself up for ages to insert myself into my friends' spaces and minds. Things I used to enjoy and do daily that take forever to even start because of anxiety. The amount of people I used to talk to daily that I haven't even spoken to in months. I tell myself that I know I have a place in my loved ones' lives, I just can't bring myself to fill it. Out of fear that I'll be rejected or fear that I'll be a nuisance, I don't know. I need to stop being scared all the time. I want to stop the constant self-doubt and anxiety because even I'm sick of it, and I know it'll take baby steps to get comfortable again. I just. Idk. I just wish there was some kind of hard reset button on my brain.

I want a place in my own life again. I want a place in my own life again!!!

[corset]

Our mental health has been in such an interestingly terrible place for the last month or so. Genuinely kind of fascinating to watch from different internal angles....like watching the ocean ebb and flow and change temperament at random sometimes based on weather or the moon or something. Like this shit is just terrible

[jupiter--dream]

(cw vent, sorry it's just been A Couple Of Days)

Not really having many irl friends comes at the price of feeling so terribly lonely, I feel like I have no one to talk to because I'm not close to enough people, or maybe I am and I just haven't talked to them in a while and I don't want this to be our first conversation qwq

I'm honestly just. Tired, tbh qwq

[la0hu]

masha broke a bowl by accident in the kitchen and when i brought her the broom and dustpan and asked her if she was okay, she looked at me, straight-faced, and said, "no, i'm not okay." and then i realized she meant that she still feels emotionally abused by the house somehow, and i felt a flash of anger because i am so sick of her shit, and i rephrased, "are you physically injured?" and she gave me another look and said "i'm physically okay." and then when connie asked from her room "what's going on?" masha replied "nothing new." like fuck off ohhhhhhhh my god

[theultracharmingladynoire]

I am just so tired of everything but I can't do anything about it

[moving-to-dreamwinged]

my dad came in and saw me on the couch (for the first time all day and i had literally just sat down for less than a minute when he came in) w heating pad and immediately goes "you have two options" (different chores to do) (as if i was like 10 years old and getting punished for something that i didnt even know i did wrong). what about secret third option where you treat me like an adult or i don't come home for winter next year. Lol

[sapphire-weapon]

thinking i might turn anon back on soon because if i don't start shitposting about RE again i'm gonna start screaming about politics and no one wants that

[torchickentacos]

anyways. having fun with the album project thing I mentioned. Using the flat small brush from here for krita. One brush only, no undo button, all done on 1/54th of a 1.5k x 1k canvas. it's actually pretty therapeutic, I listen to the album I'm drawing while I draw it. This does mean that for AM I got to like. track 2 though and most of that was bc of formatting issues lol.

[running-in-the-dark]

okay so

I want to get better. I feel so bad most of the time. most of all I'm just so, so tired. always. I don't remember the last time I felt well rested* and it's so hard to do anything like this

but I really have no idea what to do about it anymore? my GP doesn't care. I've tried to talk to her about this so many times and she keeps dismissing me (I'm 'young and healthy' according to her 🙃). I've been trying to find a new GP for years but no one is accepting new patients (I'm only calling specific ones that have been recommended to me, because there really would be no point switching if the new one is just as useless - I could probably find someone if I didn't care what they're like).

there's probably things you're supposed to do in a situation like this but I really don't know, and I'm so overwhelmed and to be honest I'm also afraid there really is nothing wrong and I'm just a lazy idiot who needs to get their shit together and just fucking do things. like just don't sleep all day, just don't fall asleep all the time, just. I don't know, make my brain be able to think again 😭 maybe if I tried harder and wanted it more I'd be able to do it 😭

*actually it was a few days ago after I took Lorazepam for an MRI, and then slept like 8 hours. it was amazing. but about an hour or two later I was already tired again so it doesn't really count imo

[mintaka-iii]

My mental health can't possibly good if an essay on the found family trope gives me such an indescribable feeling of hollowness and yearning

[snixx]

how much would you fight for the person you love before giving up on them?

[fridayyy-13th]

i had so many things to do today, but i only wound up doing two. the two simplest things on the list, in fact. putting tabs on my sheet music and writing dates in my planner. no actual homework. (or more accurately, late work.) now a week of three classes' worth of work all has to be done tomorrow, and i already made plans with my friend for that afternoon. it's 1:32 in the morning. what am i doing anymore.

[hipipi]

.

[thegoogoomuckkk]

NOW PLAYING

THE NEWLYWEDS

Starring: Choso Kamo, Kento Nanami, Satoru Gojo, Suguru Geto, Sukuna Ryomen, Toji Fushiguro

You thought maybe your husband's insatiable appetite would cool down after the first few days of being married, but if anything, it’s getting worse. 

Warnings! Overstim, exhibitionism, breeding kink, raw sex, dumbification, oral (f receiving), etc.

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Choso Kamo: There’s a first for everything <3

He’s gone this long without having sex, be prepared to make up for lost time. He isn’t super familiar with human procedures & traditions, so it wasn’t necessarily his intent to wait until marriage. He didn’t even really know what sex was until he started dating you, & you didn’t want to push him into something he wasn’t comfortable with. Regardless, your first time is on your wedding night. . .& your second time, & third time, & fourth. . .& so on. 

You remember faintly the first time you kissed Choso, him saying that he would be happily content to kiss you & kiss you for the rest of his life. & he would’ve been, but he was too far gone know, eyes rolling back, body unable to process the immense pleasure of your cunt wrapped around him. 

His hands gripped your hips with a desperate intensity as he moved within you, each thrust sending waves of ecstasy through your joined bodies. Choso's normally composed demeanor had completely unraveled, replaced by raw need & desire.

You ran your fingers through his long dark hair, marveling at how undone he had become. His lips found yours in a searing kiss, muffling the moans that escaped unbidden from both of your throats.

"Never," he gasped against your mouth, his voice husky with passion. "Never knew. . .never knew it could be like this. Didn’t know it was this good."

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Kento Nanami: Office Sex <3

Nanami was not typically a risk taker in any form, especially when it came to his wife, but he couldn’t bear to be away from you that long. His work had not allowed him to take off as much time as he would’ve liked. His first few days back were pure torture. He focused on nothing else but the mental image of your tits bouncing as you rode him, or the way your cunt sucked in his fingers each night before he stuffed you full of his cock, or the sound of your melodious voice begging him, telling how good it was. 

So here he was, bending you over his mahogany desk (the blinds shut of course, he wasn’t that risky) wondering how he ever lived without you, without fucking you. Sex had been on his mind so infrequently before you. He stroked himself off maybe once a month, or sometimes when he was drunk. But now, he had a hard time going any significant period of time without being balls deep in your sweet cunt. Seeing that wedding ring on your finger, gripping onto the wood of his desk, does not help matters in the slightest. 

Nanami's fingers dug into your hips as he thrust into you from behind, each movement sending shockwaves of pleasure through your bodies. The office was filled with the sounds of skin slapping against skin & your muffled moans. You bit your lip, trying to stay quiet, though it was a struggle with the way he was pounding into you.

"God, I've missed this," Nanami groaned, his voice husky with desire. "Missed my wife. Your tight little cunt feels so good."

You whimpered in response, pushing back against him, desperate for more. His hand snaked around to rub your clit in tight circles, making your legs tremble.

"That's it, baby," he murmured. "Come for me. Let me feel you squeeze my cock."

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Satoru Gojo: No lube, no protection <3

You’re entirely unsurprised by his behavior. You actually don’t think there will come a time when Satoru is not desperate for you at all hours of the day. He could be mid-mission, literally killing a curse, & he’ll send some corny text asking for nudes. 

"Pls :( Need nudes, will die without." You suppress the biggest eye roll.

Your eyes are surely rolling, though, when he gets home & shows you what he’s been thinking about all day, what had him so worked up. . .thoughts about his pretty wife & her pretty pussy.

You can't help but smirk as Satoru presses you against the wall, his lips hungry on your neck. His hands roam your body with urgent need, like he hasn't touched you in weeks rather than hours; it was only that morning that he’d stuffed his tongue in your cunt before dashing off to a meeting. "Missed you," he murmurs between kisses. "Couldn't focus all day."

"I couldn’t tell," you tease, recalling his stream of increasingly needy texts. "Begging me for nudes didn’t tip me off at all."

He chuckles against your skin, the vibration sending shivers down your spine. "Can you blame me? Look at you."

His hands slide down to grip your hips, pulling you flush against him. You can feel how hard he is already, his desire evident through his pants. "Someone's excited," you whisper, nipping at his earlobe.

Satoru groans, grinding against you. "You have no idea. Been thinking about this all day. About you."

He groans, pressing his hips against yours. "Those pictures kept me going. But the real thing is so much fucking better."

His fingers find the hem of your shirt, sliding underneath to caress bare skin. You gasp as he cups your breast, thumb brushing over the sensitive peak.

"Satoru," you breathe, melting into his touch despite your earlier exasperation. He’s gotta make it up to his poor wife for leaving her home all day long. 

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Suguru Geto: Honeymoon <3

A week-long getaway to a penthouse with your new husband had sounded like a dream, & of course it was, but you feared you weren’t making it out of this vacation without a positive pregnancy test. 

His hands gripped your hips with an intensity that would surely leave bruises, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. Every thrust sent waves of ecstasy coursing through your body, leaving you gasping and clinging to him desperately. His usual composure was completely shattered, replaced by raw need and desire.

our nails digging into his back as he drove into you relentlessly. His dark eyes were wild with lust, fixed on your flushed face.

"That's it, love," he growled, his voice husky & strained. "Take all of me. Let me fill you up."

Your body trembled, teetering on the edge of bliss. You could feel the heat of his skin, smell his intoxicating scent, hear the low groans rumbling in his chest. It was overwhelming, consuming you entirely. The intensity of his words sent a shiver down your spine. Part of you wanted to resist, to remind him of your carefully laid plans—but your body betrayed you, arching into his touch & silently begging for more. His hand slid down to caress your lower abdomen, his touch gentle despite the ferocity of his thrusts. "You'll look so beautiful," he murmured. "Glowing, swollen with our baby."

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Sukuna Ryomen: If it ain’t broke, break it <3

You were pretty sure you’d never experienced exhaustion like this before, & yet you wouldn’t have it any other way. Sukuna was practically tethered to you, night & day; you knew he exceeded the stamina of typical men, but this was setting the bar a little too high. He was breaking your poor cunt. 

"‘Kuna, I c-can’t, can’t take anymore, s’too much," you’d babble each morning & each night, tears staining your pillow along with your drool, nails tearing into the sheets. You were pretty sure some of the remnants of your mascara from your wedding day still remained somewhere on your eyes, you hadn’t the time for skincare. 

"Of course you can, wife. You always take me so well, like you were made for me," he purrs, chest falling over your back, pressing you into the sheets, biting the lobe of your ear, ruining you. & he was such an asshole, calling you wife, as if he cared at all for your silly little human rituals, it was just another way for him to tease you. 

"Please," you gasped, not even sure what you were asking for anymore. Your mind was foggy, overwhelmed by sensation.

Sukuna chuckled darkly, the sound reverberating through your body. "Such sweet sounds you make for me, wife. I'll never tire of them." His hand snaked around to grip your throat, applying just enough pressure to make your head swim. You felt him swell inside you, somehow growing even larger. "One more," he growled. "Give me one more, & I'll let you rest."

His chuckle rumbled through you, low & dark, watching your hips draw back & forth to meet his. "See? Your body knows what it needs," Sukuna murmured, his breath hot against your neck.

His hips snapped forward relentlessly, each thrust sending jolts of pleasure-pain coursing through you. You lost track of time, lost in the sensations, in the feeling of being utterly consumed by him. When you came again, it was with a broken sob, your body trembling uncontrollably beneath him. Sukuna growled in satisfaction, his own release following moments later as he buried himself deep inside you.

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Toji Fushiguro: Every inch <3

Toji is determined to christen every goddamn inch of your apartment. It’s practically a game to him. 

"No, Toji, not on the table, we eat here," you whine, but your attempts at swatting him away as he pushes you over the counter so delicately, humping your ass, groaning into his fist. He hoped there came a point when his wife’s ass didn’t make him whiney & sex-brained like a teenager, but he doubted it. 

"Please, baby," he groans, mouthing at your clothed pussy. "Let me taste you. I need it."

You can't help but melt at his desperation, your resolve crumbling. With shaky hands, you push your panties to the side. Toji lets out a guttural moan at the sight of your glistening folds, diving in eagerly.

His tongue laps at you hungrily, like a man starved. You cry out, gripping the edge of the table for support as your knees threaten to give way. Toji's large hands grip your thighs, holding you steady as he devours you.

"Fuck, you taste so good," he mumbles against your sensitive flesh. "Never get enough of you."

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married men, weak at the knees for their wife :)

LOOKING FOR SOME MORE? MASTERLIST <3

LOOKING FOR SOMETHING SPECIFIC? ASK <3

[insomnya777]

elaborating because i can and a couple people asked me to and we all know that all i need is a little encouragement to get me going

under the cut because i'm a grade-a yapper and this is going to be LONG. like super long. i've pulled up lyrics and songs and everything. <- your final warning

1. joel as sabrina

so no one really disagreed with me on this one and i don't think anyone will just because of the fact that he references her in his videos but like. i'm still going to talk about it because i want to and this is my blog and You Can't Stop Me!!!!!

if you don't know sabrina carpenter, basically just know that she's charismatic & confident & hilarious & gorgeous. plus like all of her songs are sooo him! they're fun and light and always a hit!!! but also can be scathing if they need to be!!!! her humour especially reminds me of him (as a character) because it's like ironic and self-aware but also flirty and silly but also a little twisted and a little mean. in particular i think that the cocky (not the word that describes it best but it's the only one i can think of) side of herself that she shows during her concerts reminds me a lot of joel with his whole "oh i'm so tall and handsome" bit he's got going on

literally like i don't know what more i can say to this. my dude has multiple of her songs in his playlist, he used espresso in his video, and also one of his tools on hermitcraft is named after a lyric. it's canon guys 🙏

songs that i think are the most him + specific lyrics:

espresso — i can't relate to desperation, my give-a-fucks are on vacation

read your mind — oh, i'll be laughing when you say that you really have changed, finally found your way, 'cuz i'm close to your face

tornado warnings — i deserve an hour in a week to focus on my thoughts, not so obsessed with yours i can't hear myself speak

lonesome — if i fall in love with all my problems, will they leave me too?

things i wish you said — nobody gets my jokes, everyone here thinks i'm fucking rude

bed chem — who's the cute boy with the white jacket and the thick accent?!

don't smile — don't smile 'cuz it happened, baby, cry because it's over

good graces — baby, you say you really like it, being mine, so let me give you some advice!

2. grian as taylor

okay this one is VERY personal to me. i am so unhealthily attached to him as taylor. you're probably thinking: but, nya, he literally canonically has an alter ego named after ariana grande! and i raise you this point: i simply do not care

all jokes obviously. i can see why people see him as ariana! especially in her new album, i've listened to it a lot, and i definitely can see some songs that remind me of his character - cough, cough, we can't be friends (wait for your love) - but i've got to say that ariana to me has always been scar (or maybe even a bit of jimmy? undecided) but that's a post for another time

now why i see grian as taylor! i have three main reasons for this actually. as an og swiftie and an og grian fan i may be a little bit biased but just. ignore that. thanks

first of all, i think that they're both kind of starting points, if you get what i mean. most hermitcraft/life series fans start with grian, and then eventually branch out to other creators. similarly, a lot of people listen to taylor swift/know her songs the best out of the genre she specializes in/within the audience her content is aimed towards

secondly, they're also both the most popular within their own branch, and i think they're both the type of artists/channels that you can enjoy without really being a Fan of. almost mainstream (? don't know if that's the term that would work for grian but you get my point). like you don't have to be a diehard grian fan to enjoy his videos, you can just decide one day to pick up one of them, watch it, then never think of it again. does that make sense?

third, i think they both have a lot of variety within their content. taylor's music ranges between emotions and styles, just like the videos that grian makes fluctuates in theme. he's on servers like hermitcraft, where we see him interact with other people and show off his building skills and just be silly. then he's in the life series, which is the total opposite, and then he was also in evo, which is also very different, and so on. his characterization also is very different from author to author, which is, of course, to be expected, but i haven't really seen other people in this particular fandom get characterized so differently to this degree. (it's not a bad thing!!!! i love it i think it's actually sooo fun & interesting that we can take this character and morph it into what we want. like most people don't even realize they're doing it you can only really pick up on it if you're looking for it)

songs that i think are the most him + specific lyrics:

castles crumbling — and you don't want to know me, i will just let you down

begin again — thinking all love ever does is break, and burn, and end

22 — happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time

call it what you want — and i know i make the same mistakes every time, bridges burn, i never learn, at least i did one thing right

the archer — 'cuz all of my enemies started out friends, help me hold on to you

don't blame me — for you, i would cross the line, i would waste my time, i would lose my mind

hoax — stood on the cliffside, screaming "give me a reason"

this is me trying — and my words shoot to kill when i'm mad, i have a lot of regrets about that

my tears ricochet — you know i didn't want to have to haunt you, but what a ghostly scene

mad woman — what did you think i'd say to that? does a scorpion sting when fighting back? they strike to kill, and you know i will

the prophecy — please, i've been on my knees, change the prophecy. don't want money, just someone who wants my company

3. jimmy as olivia

i'll be real with you, i have considerably less reasons for why i've chosen this. it relates a lot around his interactions with other characters instead of just him as a character + i've taken a few creative liberties here so. cut me someeee slack!

my main reason for this is that jimmy is just the epitome of teenage girl to me (just like olivia). that's probably a little bit of projection on my side because i, myself, am a teenage girl (which i don't know if many of you know? but yes i am a teenager) and jimmy's probably my favourite which leads to me kind of distorting his character a little. but. i don't know. something about the not being taken seriously, the refusal to give up, the insistence that this time will be different just hits me so hard/is relatable. not to get all serious on you

i will say this, though - while sabrina as joel was about both sabrina carpenter the person (or the person that the world knows) and also her music, i think for olivia as jimmy, it's mainly about the music. but you can also relate her relationships with other people (what we know of them, at least) to jimmy's with scott tango grian whatever. i think they do parallel each other pretty well, but, again, that's another post

i also think that jimmy's a lot more sour, not so much guts. olivia's first album revolves around that idea of heartbreak, jealousy, angst. i think his character usually revolves around themes like that. guts, olivia's second album, to me, is a little different. she's grown as a person, reflecting, and she's a lot more confident, too. it shows in her music. i think that jimmy (especially in the life series) is overall very, very sour coded, but then again, there are many songs on guts that definitely can be related to him too.

songs that i think are the most him + specific lyrics:

love is embarrassing — jesus, what was i even doing? 'cuz now it don't mean a thing, god, love's fucking embarrassing

ballad of a homeschooled girl — each time i step outside, it's social suicide

the grudge — i'm so tough when i'm alone, and i'll make you feel so guilty, and i fantasize about a time you're a little fucking sorry

teenage dream — when are all my excuses of "learning my lesson" gonna start to feel sad?

brutal — all i did was try my best, this the kind of thanks i get?

jealousy, jealousy — their win is not my loss, i know it's true but i can't help getting caught up in it all. comparison is killing me slowly

favourite crime — one heart broke, four hands bloody

1 step forward, 3 steps back — i hate that i give you power over that kind of stuff

THE END!!!!! i hope you enjoyed reading this as much as i enjoyed writing this and let me know your thoughts 🫶 always up for some debate!!!

if joel is sabrina carpenter coded (& he is trust) then grian is taylor and jimmy is olivia rodrigo. no i will not be taking criticism but i am fully willing to elaborate