#Generally I know things are bad when some media is unbearable to consume

[mintaka-iii]

My mental health can't possibly good if an essay on the found family trope gives me such an indescribable feeling of hollowness and yearning

[iceiclehorned]

Comfort food(s): So… admittedly, I have quite the sweet tooth. I’m quite guilty of enjoying a range of snacks, including oreos, buenos, ice cream… you name it. I mean, I work it off easily in the gym, so it isn’t too bad. It’s finding the will to not indulge in something delightful — which, at this point in time, will never ever happen.

Comfort drink(s): I enjoy drinking mochas occasionally, as well as a cup of tea (British things, innit?) and hot chocolate. Hot chocolate has always been my favourite since I was young, and then I started to explore different coffees, found that mocha was perfect. Oh, and when I say I like tea, I mean sweet tea with a minimum of two sugars. It’s satisfying to have on days where I just don’t have the energy to do much, in honesty.

Comfort movie(s): I already have a post that is due to be deleted about it, but Pride and Prejudice. No matter how many times I watch it, it still gives me this giddy, excitable feeling that can only be expressed through that goddamn romance. I don’t normally find my interest piqued by romance generally speaking, but the way feelings are there, protected by the ego and pride of both parties involved, unwilling to admit wholeheartedly that they are in love, using the excuse of their differing circumstance to keep them apart — until the ache of what the heart wants becomes far too unbearable, forcing one another into each other’s arms. Such splendour should be appreciated and adored! It fills my heart with a joy that is rarely communicated with through media such as a a movie or show. There is also Howl’s Moving Castle. The art, the story, the sheer romance (the scope of the story does go beyond that of a simple love story, but i am trying to avoid rambling on too much) of it all is so freaking enthralling! but I don’t want to claw into that just yet. Okay, so, maybe there is a theme here that will never be discussed beyond this post! I forgot to throw in Coraline.

Comfort show(s): Naruto/Naruto Shippuden is one of them! It honestly stuck in my brain for quite some time to the point where I was constantly watching it. I don’t have it in me to revisit it, but Itachi’s character was one that I fell in love with, given the choices he made & the overarching plot twist behind his actions. I feel like the story for it is one of the best-written forms of media I have ever consumed so disgustingly, and I can’t wait to do it again!

Comfort clothing: I enjoy wearing sweatpants the most, baggy t-shirts & hoodies are my main go-to clothing pieces.

Comfort song(s): My taste in music is vast. I’m happy to try out absolutely anything that is suggested to me by a friend, even if it turns into a whole playlist. Naturally, I have songs that I listen to that count as my base, such as Something About You by Eyedress, Dent May. I also just listen to a lot of The Weeknd’s music.

Comfort book(s): I don’t really have a set of comfort books to share right now. I might update this in the future with some, but the only memorable story is “You”. I prefer it over the show for sure. The exploration of a man so psychologically twisted that when he finally “settled” and had a kid, he would abandon a son, purely out of disgust, knowing that he would turn out just like him. Also, Guinevere Beck is my favourite. I just perceive her as a human character, somebody with flaws that are outlined clearly, and it was an aspect I really enjoyed. I might even reread the first book, just for her. Side note: the cage is such a cool concept, and I will be taking notes. kidding. not really.

Comfort game(s): If I’m honest, I’m not sure if I have any specific comfort games? I really enjoyed games like The Crooked Man, Ao Oni, Paranoiac, etc., RPG horror games have always been my beat, but it’s funny because I can’t cope with horror movies, even if it is a thrasher. Thrillers aren’t so bad, but I’m a wuss puss T_T I’m not too ashamed to admit it.

tagged by: @wifeysaremylifey - thanks for tagging me, you beauty! (Since I started writing this, @mysticallities also tagged me — thank you!!)

tagging: @boomania @ancicntforged @wildnin @capravulpes @captivemuses @eternalbxtterfly @eternity-hero @hxroic-wxlls-rxborn + anybody else that would like to take part!

[paradisetemporarilymisplaced]

So I was being a basic bitch the other day and listening to my true crime podcasts when it occurred to me just how suspicious Nile’s “death” would look to everyone not in the Guard, leading me to a train of thought that, 2200 words later, absolutely got away from me but I can’t let go so I’m inflicting it on all of you!

To set the stage, we know the movie takes place over approximately a week. Here’s what happens to Nile from the military’s point of view:

She dies is very seriously injured

She heals without a scratch

Just before she’s supposed to be shipped out to Germany, she vanishes, leaving two men concussed (and presumably reporting being knocked out by a woman with short hair wearing civilian clothes)

She goes AWOL for several days

They get word from the CIA that she is to be reported killed in action (details unclear)

So, at the beginning of this very weird week, the USMC has to tell Nile’s family of her death critical injury. What her family was told depends on how long she was dead – a Google search tells me that family will be notified in person within 8 hours of a soldier’s death, but we don’t know how long her first death lasted. For an injury, however, they’d get a phone call to notify them and the unit would arrange for them to visit as soon as the soldier is transferred out of a combat zone. Like I remember when I was in high school, a guy from my church who was a Marine was really seriously injured in a helicopter crash in Iraq and from what I could tell, his parents were told immediately and were flown out to Germany to see him, so it stands to reason that Nile’s family would have been informed relatively quickly after her throat was slashed, one way or another.

And then, she goes AWOL. Her family would be notified while the USMC tried to figure out where she went, not least because the military would want to know if she’s contacted them. (And it’s possible that her family may have been on the way to Germany to see her since we know that’s where she was supposed to go!) So for several days:

Nile’s mom and brother have no idea where she is

They know she was seriously injured and most certainly should not have been moving around on her own

They can’t get a hold of her

The military can’t tell them anything

And the next thing they know for sure is that she was “killed in action.” After being injured and vanishing into thin air. And they presumably cannot produce her body or any concrete evidence of her death. In any case, something sketchy is going on, so they’re like. SMELLS LIKE A MILITARY COVERUP.

In a surprise to probably no one, there is a well-documented legacy of mysterious US military deaths, particularly of women of color (TW for sexual assault in these links). The cases of LaVena Johnson and Vanessa Guillenin particular have made national news because of their families’ persistence in seeking justice. Likewise, Nile is a Black woman, and her mom and brother are most certainly hypercognizant of (a) state violence against Black people and (b) these high-profile cases of suspicious military deaths. So her family are seriously side-eyeing the situation, knowing that (a) the military has a serious incentive (and a documented history) of covering up things that make them look bad and (b) nothing about Nile’s disappearance and supposed death are adding up.

And Andy’s right. Nile does come from warriors. And you know who else does? Her brother.

Don’t get me wrong. Nile’s mom would absolutely not back down. She’d know something was up and want to get to the bottom of it. But based on what I know about Gen X parents (mine), they’re not the most technologically savvy. Like they can use the internet, but they didn’t grow up with it the way we young millennials and Gen Z did. So Nile’s brother takes the lead. And what do zillennials do best?

Social media.

Nile’s brother starts going hard on any site he can, trying to get the word out to see if anyone knows what happened to his sister. He starts a Reddit thread. He starts a Facebook group. He reaches out to the media and true crime bloggers and podcasters à la Sarah Turney, getting loud and being a general nuisance in hopes of getting some answers. He gets his friends and Nile’s friends involved. Maybe eventually Dizzy, Jay, and others from Nile’s unit hear about it and reach out, telling him what they saw and how weird it all was. He’s drumming up interest, and soon “Nile Freeman” becomes a household name (at least among the true crime fans).

Copley is, of course, trying his best, but at this point there is just so much that it’s impossible for him to scrub everything. Sure, he can erase new footage of Nile and the Guard, but what can he do about Reddit threads and podcast episodes that are speculating something weird has happened? Maybe he could hack the sites and shut those things down, but honestly, that’s the last thing he’d want to do, because that only adds weight to the theory that Nile’s disappearance is a military coverup. So eventually he has to tell Andy what’s going on.

Andy, obviously, does not take the news well. However, she is also completely computer illiterate, because that’s Booker’s job and he’s the only one who ever bothered to learn what the internet is in any meaningful way. (She probably calls Booker for advice, and for the record, I think Booker would have no qualms about shutting down conspiracy threads, tinhats be damned, but Copley is too concerned about the consequences. He’s ex-CIA for crying out loud, he knows how it’ll look if they scrub every mention of Nile’s name from the internet.) Maybe she confers with Joe and Nicky but, let’s be honest, they’d be equally unhelpful. So at this point, she knows they have to bring in Nile.

But the thing about Nile is that she, too, knows how to use the internet (duh). Aside from her being a young millennial/digital native, we know from the cave scene where she’s giving Booker suggestions on how to track Copley that she clearly is even more computer savvy than the average person. And for that reason she almost definitely took over the day-to-day tech stuff after Booker’s exile. So I think it would be foolish to expect her to be unaware of what’s happening. She’s not contacting her family or posting on the message boards or anything, but she knows what’s up. So Copley and the team probably sit her down to “break the news,” but we know the girl does not have a poker face (see: literally shooting herself in the foot and not being able to play it cool whatsoever) and cracks immediately, telling them she’s seen everything about her case – she’s not interacting with any of it, she certainly didn’t instigate anything, but she knows. (And she is so goddamn proud of her brother.)

At this point, I’d like to pause and consider Nile’s role in the overall narrative of this movie. She’s set up as a foil to Andy, obviously, but she’s also a foil to Booker. Booker, who, like Andy, is a serious pessimist, but who, unlike Andy, still has very fresh memories and trauma associated with being the new kid, which have destroyed him. In his mind (and Andy’s), if Nile communicates with her family, she’ll become just like him in a century or two – bitter, alone, and stuck with her grief and memories of watching her family die and knowing they died resenting her. It’s a small sample size, but this is the only experience they have to go off of.

But it doesn’t have to be like that.

There’s been a lot of discussion of TOG being a fundamentally queer movie – a group of people brought together because of something inherent about themselves that is different, that must be hidden, that causes others to hate, fear, and reject them. Booker’s backstory is the archetypal traumatic “coming out” story – his family learns who he is, hate him for it, and attempt to cast him out of their lives. He’s stuck with his trauma, his pain, his loss, and it consumes him.

But what if Nile’s family would be the opposite? What if her “coming out” to them as immortal is met with acceptance, love, celebration? What if her family is just overjoyed to have her back, and they don’t care what the circumstances are? I'm reminded of this incredible post from @shitty-old-guard-deaths a while back, where Nile’s mother hits Booker with a frying pan because “my baby let me believe she was dead for FIVE YEARS based on your bad advice???” (which may or may not have inspired this whole tangent). Nile takes the advice of someone who did the same thing she wants to do because she doesn’t want to risk her family’s rejection. She wants the good memories with her family and is afraid that showing them her true self will bring her unbearable pain, forever replacing those memories. But, with high risk comes high reward.

Anyway. Nile and the team are trying to come up with a plan for how to handle this whole thing, but she’s not really participating because she’s too afraid to hope. Until finally, quickly, so she doesn’t lose her nerve, she suggests she reach out to them, knowing that, realistically, that’s the only solution before things snowball even further out of control. The team is shocked, but realize that she has a point. They decide that Copley should actually be the first point of contact, posing as a US government official to talk with them and test the waters.

So Copley goes to Nile’s family’s house to talk with her mom and brother. They’re probably distrustful and apprehensive, but nonetheless secretly ecstatic that their work has paid off. They talk and review all of the information that they’ve collected, including testimonials from the people on Nile’s base and recent sightings (along with photos) of Nile (with the same three people) over the last few years that people have sent them but they haven’t posted publicly. At this point, Copley’s like, yeah this is about to blow up, we gotta put our cards on the table. He convinces them to come with him to some safe house/black site/whatever he can get that is technologically impenetrable (I’m picturing them in like, an interrogation room at a police station kind of deal), takes their phones, locks the doors, and brings in Nile.

What follows is the most delightful reunion scene of all time, bringing Joe, Nicky, and even Andy to tears as they watch and listen from outside the room. With Copley’s help, Nile tells her mom and brother about her immortality and what’s been going on since she died (within reason, of course), and they are thrilled. They don’t understand why (because no one does) but they don’t question it and they see it as a gift from God – she’s been resurrected, she will live, and she has a purpose. Her mother and brother are so happy to see her again and are willing to agree with pretty much anything to stay in her life as long as they can.

So. They set up some complicated agreement (they bring in the other three for support/intimidation as needed) setting the terms of their relationship. They swear Nile’s family to secrecy, maybe bringing up the lab to show how high the stakes are, and they readily agree. They come up with some cover story for Nile’s brother to share on the message boards (maybe that the government has opened an investigation but because it’s an open case he has to shut it all down? Tells people to direct their tips somewhere else? Something to that effect). There’s still speculation, of course, but without Nile’s brother at the helm providing the energy, the hype dies down as news stories are wont to do without any movement. And Nile’s family goes to work for the team. The experience has taught them that Copley can’t possibly do everything himself, especially when it comes to social media, so Nile’s brother takes the lead on the day-to-day tracking/social media while Copley and her mom focus on finding jobs and scrubbing their traces afterward.

So there you have it: Nile gets to integrate her biological family into her found family and spend the rest of their lives with them as it should be, Copley gets some badly needed help managing the reality of social media, the team finally has a positive narrative surrounding outsiders Knowing About Them AND about interacting with people from their previous life, and the audience gets the happy ending to this very lovely and very queer story to counteract the pain associated with Booker’s family.

Plus, you know, I’m a sucker for both a good government conspiracy theory and for Nile getting every good thing she deserves.

[mahou-furbies]

It is time for

Last year the Dazzling Pink Precure were supposed to host the event but were unavailable due to being redesigned, but this time they are ready for the job!

Here is the magical girl (and related) media consumed on this blog this year:

(you can read my closing thoughts on them here)

Anime: Kaitou Tenshi Twin Angel & the 2 OVAs, Twin Angel Break, Pretear, Happy Seven, Ojamajo Doremi (started), Healin’ Good Precure (most of it that’s out now), Magia Record (also following the game news though I don’t play), Myriad Colors Phantom World, Re:Creators, Concrete Revolutio)

Movies: Fresh, DokiDoki, Happiness Charge, Go! Princess, KiraKira & Star Twinkle Precure season movies, Spring Carnival & Miracle Universe crossover movies, Magical Sisters Yoyo and Nene)

Manga: Magical Girl Site (finished), Zodiac P.I. (reread), Sugar Sugar Rune (reread), Nogi Wakaba is a Hero, Puella Magi Suzune Magica (reread), Puella Magi Tart Magica (reread), Can You Become A Magical Girl, Colourful Macchiato)

(revisits to old familiar stuff don’t qualify for an award unless I had forgotten everything about it, Doremi is ineligible since I've only seen 1/5th so far)

Unexpectedly I managed to finish quite a lot of stuff on my last year's "plans for 2020 list".

As for blog stuff, this year the Precure Chibi Project was concluded for the designs that exists so far, but obviously it will continue when more are released and I'd also like to draw some more of the civilian clothes too. But this year over 400 chibis were drawn...

Then we of course had the Precure Dress Tournament, with Cure Magical emerging as the winner. Hosting it was a lot of fun since I like graphs and numbers, as the fact that I keep a google sheet that documents the dates when I draw the chibis (it also calculates useful data such as how many percent I've finished).

(Also Megumi's heart dress should totally have won the tournament)

The Precure positivity posts were also a thing this year. Usually the franchise is bitched at here at Mahou-Furbies so I tried to say something nice about each Cure that I had seen. Which was a major struggle in some cases but hopefully they don't come across as too much damning with faint praise. I plan on writing similar posts for the Cures from the other seasons too as I watch them, but also because I managed to write an entire post about Mana without complaining I take that as justification that I get to write a huge bitchy "the flaws of the Precure franchise" post later.

And then now at the end of the year the Dazzling Pink Precure finally managed to emerge again with their new designs. I hope I'll be able to post more about them in 2021!

And now, the Mahou-Furbies 2020 magical girl awards!

Let's start with Best Henshin Design: Megumi Moka from Magia Record! I always love a good sweets theme and I can't get over how cute she is.

(Kikko from Concrete Revolutio was also a strong contender)

Best Team Design goes to Nogi Wakaba Is a Hero, I've always loved the YuYuYu henshin outfit design.

The Best Powerup Look award goes to Lala's Cancer form in the Star Twinkle Precure movie! I just really like the fresh colour palette...

Runner-up is Nagisa's MagiReco Valentine's outfit which I like for being sweets themed but I guess it's more like an alternate form than a powerup?

There weren’t that many contenders for Best Civilian Design but let’s say that since I like the casual outfits in KiraKira Precure in general, The Movie was also good at this. So let’s reward Ciel’s look, it’s nice to see a more muted colour palette in Precure every now and then!

Oh, right! Also everyone from the Star Twinkle Precure movie! Love all their outfits. 

Best School Uniform is the one from Sukoyaka Middle School, from Healin' Good Precure! I like the colour palette, and the cut of the dress.

The uniforms from the Twin Angel franchise are also fun with their cherry ribbon.

Best Hair award goes to Kikko, from Concrete Revolutio! The "rectangular" cut ends are fun.

Best Magical Item is Mamika's wand from Re:Creators! There's really nothing special about it, I just think it looked nice enough with the candy cane and the heart crystal (and also not so merchandise driven since this isn't a kid show).

The Best Henshin Scene award goes to Sudachi from MagiReco! I don’t like how detailed all the body curves are drawn in the few seconds before her outfit appears, but otherwise there’s great backgrounds in this, starting from the space theme, twinkling stars, beautiful blue sky and then ending with cute hearts.

Best Fan Creation award goes to Marighoul’s comic “First Hunt”! (read it here) It was a fun little story and the colours were amazing!

Best Relationship is Hikaru and Lala with the alien in the Star Twinkle movie! I would never have guessed that I’d enjoy Precures raising a ��baby” mascot this much, but it is true! I love how much role their bond had in the story, and the conclusion was more epic than anything Precure has managed to offer elsewhere. 

The Best Mascot of 2020 is... the aforementioned alien UMA! Unusual design for a girl show, doesn’t have an annoying voice or speech pattern (or in fact doesn’t talk at all), and has an interesting role in the story.

Second place is Nyatoran from Healin' Good Precure, he pairs well with Hinata and I love the scene where she records cat videos of him with her phone.

As for Best Supporting Character, this is a joke character, but I have to say Mayune from Pretear. I'm sorry I just like this kind of dumb diva characters (with the o-ho-ho laugh!) and always had a good time when she was on screen.

Discount Tuxedo Mask from the Twin Angel franchise was also fun, he had nice chaotic energy to him.

Best Visual goes to Kikko's magical effects from Concrete Revolutio! We always get the standard sparkles so I was so happy to see something different for once.

Best Audio award goes to Pretear OP! The song feels a bit dated but in a good way, this is just the kind of music I like.

The Best Scene award goes to Healin' Good Precure attack!

Usually in Precure I really don't care for the stock attack animation and instead just focus on the henshins, but in this one I really like the bit where the giant hands rip the element spirit out of the enemy. The music is so good in that part, and the huge hands compared to the tiny spirit feel majestic.

I also liked Re:Creators scene where the (in-story) writers create a powerup for their character by getting their audience excited about it by tweeting. It was dumb how a tweet from some ranobe author goes viral in a matter of seconds, but I still thought the scene was fun and worked well.

The Innovation Award for doing something magical girl related I haven't seen dozens of times already goes to Happy Seven! I thought it was fun how the main character wasn't on the magical girl team at all and instead was practically the Muggle friend for most of the story!

Re:creators is the runner up here with its "fictive characters show up in our world" story, but I think it could have done more with the idea, and I think Happy Seven is commendable for doing something that feels refreshing without having to be all smart and self-aware about it.

Then the Golden Mana Award for one thing that I really didn't like this year. 

The questionable honour goes to Meguru's unbearable behaviour at the start of Twin Angel Break, when she keeps pushing her friendship on the blue girl who has made it very clear that she'd rather be left alone. And of course the blue girl is secretly lonely and ultimately caves in so Meguru faces no consequences for being selfish and entitled and having zero respect for other people's boundaries. Stuff like this fuels my rage at the Friendly-And-Energetic-Stock-Magical-Girl-Heroines.

For Best Character I want to pick Lala from the Star Twinkle movie but she won Best Character last year so let’s pick someone else. To be fair nobody (else) this year made me super excited, but leaving such a broad category as this completely empty would be really stupid, so the winner is Himeno, from Pretear!

She had a lot more multifaceted personality than I initially predicted, had interesting and different relationships with many different characters, and of course had many unique henshin!

And finally, Best Work of the year... I know I picked Star Twinkle as the best series last year (award has been renamed now) so this feels somehow redundant, but I still can't get over how enjoyable their film was and as you may have noticed it has been mentioned in plenty of other awards already so it deserves the spot. On principle I liked that it wasn't centered around the pink Cure for once, and additionally it was about Lala who is my favourite Cure, and also since there wasn't really a villain the plot was more interesting than the same old "bad guy wants to take over the world". Also great visuals.

And that’s it for 2020! It has been a weird year, but that didn’t really show on this blog.

Plans for 2021:

Also once I finish drawing the chibis for the Madoka girls, expect a Madoka themed character tournament in 2021!

[flying-elliska]

Hi Ellie!! I hope u dont mind this ask ❤Do u have any advice on how to do stuff on your checklist and not get overwhelmed? I can hardly do one thing out of my to do list and then i get severely depressed for not being able to do anything. i dont think i can function like a human being sometimes. anyway youre so cool ellie!!! i admire you loads!!! - help asked from one adhd struggling teen

HI anon ! I’m sorry for not answering sooner i had a beautiful answer ready and then Tumblr just ate it T_T anyway i don’t mind at all i think it’s awesome that you’re asking me ! this is honestly still something I’ve struggled a lot with. here are a few things that helped me (keep in mind i’m not a professional and this is only my personal, limited point of view) :

- ofc the first thing is to get as much help as you can, there are lots of people out there who can help. Generally talk to people around you about your problems ; often they want to help and just don’t know how : i know the tendency to feel ashamed and keep it in but that’s not good. Some people might be a bit ignorant so maybe keep a few ressources on hand you can send to people to educate them if that’s an issue ; and educate yourself so you feel more secure and legitimate in your opinions. 

- one thing that’s helped me lots is to go on #ADHDtwitter and #Neurodiversesquad because a lot of people on there are actual adults who are sharing both their struggles but also tips on how to actually manage the symptoms and have full and happy, if messy, lives. It’s very inspiring. It helped me a lot to feel understood, less alone and gave me a ton of ideas. Some accounts to start with : @ danidonovan - @ blkgrllostkeys @ ADHD_Alien (her comics are so cute) @ dustyexner plus lots of others

- regarding having trouble doing things, this is definitely a Big Damn Problem for adhd folks. the concept of the emotional Wall of Awful really helped me with this, you can find more about it in this Youtube video by the awesome How To ADHD channel (all her videos are so helpful !! have a look!) basically the idea is that we accumulate emotions linked to certain tasks based on unhappy past emotions that make it a lot harder for us to do things and that building it down takes a lot of time and effort but there are ways to work with/around that. learning to process, connect to and be more mindful of our emotions is a huge task, but it’s often a central one. 

- don’t try too hard to be neurotypical aka ‘normal’. find the solutions that work for YOU. If they’re a bit weird ? Whatever. The point is that it works. You will probably end up having weird routines that make no sense to others but it doesn’t matter as long as it helps you. Be creative and don’t be afraid to think outside the box. I’ll give you an example :  one of the reasons i hate going to bed early is because late at night is when i feel the most free of outside obligations and therefore i don’t want to give that up. So instead what i’ve been trying to do from time to time is a ‘clown hour’ where i basically give myself permission to do whatever the fuck i want (within reason lmao) but in an active way ; basically indulge my rebellious inner 8 yr old. Last time I ended up watching martial arts videos on youtube and practicing kickboxing kicks on the Mulan soundtrack and then put on funeral music and improvised my own eulogy by thinking about what i would like people to say about me after my death. Lmao that sounds completely wack when explained to other people but the point is - stuff like that really helped me reconnect to the idea that my time is mine to do with as i please, not just late at night. Anyway my point is : make it fun, make it a game, try things, experiment. Our brains crave novelty and if they don’t have it and feel burdened by shame, pressure and expectations of course they get depressed and stuck. Give your brain the fuel it needs to work. 

- just accept that sometimes you’re going to be a mess. it’s okay. you can be a bit of a mess and also live a fully, happy, joyous life. our society puts so much pressure on us to have this Perfect Instagram Life where everything is polished to unrealistic standards and gives us the idea that your morals are linked to productivity and if you are not constantly striving to be a Model Consumer Pretty Picture you are a Bad Person and a slob/lazy/unworthy/etc and all of that is...toxic garbage of the highest order that everyone should unlearn but especially us. related to that i would be careful with use of social media, tailor it to only give you content that makes you feel good/intellectually engaged/creative because it’s so easy for us to go into bad comparative spirals.

- tied to that be careful of your own perfectionist drives. it’s veeeeery common for adhd people to want to overcompensate their perceived shortcomings by wanting to be perfect. aka you haven’t done anything in weeks and all of a sudden you have this insane to do list where you expect yourself to turn your entire life around in a week. well, not going to happen. i’ve found it so important to limit myself. for instance what i do now is i forbid myself to put more than 5 items on any todo list. once i’ve cleared items i can add more, but not before. it’s a lot less scary that way. also prioritizing is very important so you don’t get bogged down in details.

- try to be mindful of your own energy. a big tendency of adhd people is to overpromise and underdeliver because we are enthusiastic and we want to please people but we are bad at estimating time/energy it will need. learn more about your own boundaries, what things are hard for you to do (for me, it’s socializing in groups) and what gives you energy (for me it’s writing, reading and walking in the woods) and try to balance that. learn to say no, it’s tough but necessary. So that you have enough left for the tasks you need to do. 

- create an environment that is benevolent and helpful for you in which to work/do things and that generates positive emotions. Get yourself a cute notebook. Put on happy music. Don’t forget to feed yourself. Don’t give into the urge of punishing yourself. You deserve happy good things - not overindulgence as escape - but our brains thrive on short term rewards. Bundle the unpleasant tasks with more stimulating stuff (for instance i always listen to podcasts while cleaning/grocery shopping etc). Create pleasant little routines for yourself (for instance one of the first things i try to do in the morning is do a little drawing of my emotions, it makes me happy, then i have tea and i plan my day.). Put on alarms constantly so you don’t lose track of time, but with a cool song. Find yourself cheerleaders who can encourage you in a positive way. Stuff like the pomodoro technique, timing yourself while doing a task, etc, can really help. Or telling yourself you will do a thing for ten minutes and stop when it’s unbearable, etc. Prioritize joy, pride, affection, desire to help, altruism, love, curiosity, interest and passion as motivators, instead of anxiety, guilt and shame. 

- find ways to build self esteem and confidence in your own skills. it’s often a lack of that that can block you from doing what you need to because you might be afraid of screwing it up. what I did for a while, for instance, is to keep a record of the stuff i did everyday and then extrapolated the skills i displayed from that. another thing you can do is make a list of simple skills you want to learn and find ways to do that, like youtube tutorials, etc. especially when it’s practical stuff and quick to learn, it can really feel so good, and make you more familiar with a sensation of success (and if you fail it can be a fun experiment gone wrong, and self discovery, you don’t have to be good at everything.)

- find ways to challenge yourself. depression happens for adhd people when we let ourself stagnate, isolate ourselves because of shame, and get into this idea that we are subhuman and we don’t deserve good things. that is false. you deserve a happy life. and our brains crave novelty. find your passion and indulge in it, find the things that make your brain come alive (as long as they’re healthy ofc). if you’re not sure what that is, just keep trying. you will find it. but resist the temptation to make your life smaller and smaller. you might mess up but that’s okay. it’s human and it will make for interesting stories later. instead of trying too hard to ‘fix’ yourself, focus on developping your positive sides. it will give you energy, self-respect and draw you forwards like a rocketship. we thrive on passion, not reprimand. 

- anyways : i know how tough it can be. depression is really something i struggle with, too. and doing things remains Hard. but my point is, you are not alone, and you are not broken. chances are you too, like most adhd people i know, are a fun, creative, compassionate person with a heart of gold and so much to give. our main enemy is most often the shame that comes with living in a world that is not adapted to us. but the truth is we are just playing the game of life on a much harder setting than a lot of people, and we don’t even have the manual. of course it’s going to create struggle ! so i think the best thing to do for yourself is cultivate a sense of compassion towards yourself, self acceptance, and humor. 

- as a teen you probably have a limited margin of autonomy to make your lifestyle fit your needs but - there is so much potential for it to get better ! as you grow in self knowledge and ability to make your own choices, you will find the right solutions and your life will get so much better. i have heard so many stories like this. since i got diagnosed, too, my life got a lot better. i won’t lie, it’s a lifelong process. but there is so much possible. give yourself time. you are so young, and you are definitely a human being. being human is struggling with being flawed and vulnerable and imperfect. i know the world can be shit sometimes, you probably got some negative messages - especially from your own brain bc depression definitely lies to you ! but don’t let yourself be guided by ignorance and fear. you deserve better. i bet you’re also super cool. the happier you are, the better off the world will be. so invest in yourself. educate yourself, develop your self knowledge, be kind to yourself, and keep making little steps. you’ll get there. <3

[unproduciblesmackdown]

merkleymrack replied to your post “kinda a funny shtick of mine that i’m aro and have such strong takes...”

(1)i agree with u 100%, i think love is hyped up so much, partially because people looove the narrative that love can save you in some way. whether that's saving you from evil, from your shitty environment, from mental illness, from sadness, or from yourself. and that is basically bullshit. "love" as a mystical force and chemical attraction between 2 people doesn't and can't do any of that. real relationships forged over time, based on trust and compromise and a fundamen-

2) tally optimistic outlook on life can help you deal with life, but that's not as snappy. and i think this ties in nicely with what you pointed out about love being perceived as isolating (in a positive way almost) by lots of people: it is because they are co-dependent and attracted to this toxic relationship because it feeds the narrative that "love" is all they need to be happy or to be saved. thats my hot take of the day

talk series criticizing Romahnce, every thursday at 6

for real though let me accuse capitalism some more for Not Great Ideas About Romantic Love b/c like!! that’s basically all you’re allowed to look for in terms of reliable companionship and Any kind of close relationship from your peers. b/c the Nuclear Family is the imposed social unit of choice b/c extended families don’t allow for enough isolation / cut-off support networks......you Outgrow the nuclear family you were born into, and then you’d better find your romantic partner asap to start the next generation nuclear family, because you’re not gonna get other support / community anywhere else, better enjoy having friends before everyone righteously pairs off and sees each other way less, because it’s Totally Fine to have all of your time -> energy -> identity -> existence consumed by just your roles as Parent and Spouse

not to mention like, whenever people of any relationship status are super overworked and like, especially with having unreliable / inconsistent schedules that don’t line up and needing to work a thousand hours a week to scrape by, people have less time to spend with each other and to foster those connections when they’re like always At Work or exhausted and recovering from work or, when they Do have some free time, it doesn’t like up with the free time of their friends’..........like hmm too bad there’s not One Person who is super devoted to Just You and can always make time and prioritize You, Alone.......

Life Under Capitalism is dehumanizing and alienates everyone from each other and doesn’t value life and commodifies anything that people might find adds Value To Their Life and like, our grievances and suffering is just Personal Problems that need to be fixed through our Personal Choices, b/c community is strangled off, isolation is pushed, and you need to Have Money or Die, and there’s the idea that the Way Things Are is flawed but ultimately okay and works out for good people............and it all brings it around to like, the idea that actually Finding Romance is *all* that life is about and is the one route to happiness. like, this concept is just casually trotted out in whatever media as blatantly as that, that “what’s even the point of being alive if you don’t find that Special Someone” and everyone just kinda goes “huh, yeah, that’s true...” like, it’s just Fine to accept that life is a hellscape and you’d want to die if it wasn’t for this one nice magical thing (your true love(tm))......like, maybe there’s a problem with that? we shouldn’t all just accept that life is unbearable but romance is the sole cure? and it’s not even really Anti-Capitalist when a holiday movie / any romcom is all like “this career person thinks that Love is for suckers and only making money is good, but then eventually their romantic interest shows them otherwise and they realize that said romance / a dash of Family is actually what Really matters” b/c it’s just like.......hey don’t be upset that you can’t actually Get Ahead under capitalism!! the people who are making more money than you are unhappy, i promise! it’s fine that you aren’t really succeeding Financially, b/c you have Love, so be happy with that and don’t think that there’s any systemic issue here.

anyways and like yeah of course it does probably seem to people like Romance is the only thing that can improve [insert any bad situation about their lives] because what even else is offered to people, seemingly, right......it’s like, first of all i hope you have a good relationship with your Nuclear Family, b/c they’re the only ones who will be Unconditionally There For You......but even if you do, it’s not like those people can be Everything in your life........and re: friends it’s like, well, i hope you’ve made super lasting friendships in high school and/or college, cuz after you enter The Working World good luck making new friendships!!! even if you do you’ll drift apart b/c nobody has time to nurture the relationship!!!! meanwhile of course everyone should be looking for romance, and hey, that will transform your life and enable you to endure all the other miserable everyday shit you go through, b/c the one person who matters cares about you. and they’d better b/c that’s the only really strong mutually supportive “unconditional” relationship you’re guaranteed! clearly!!!

like of course positive relationships of any kind tend to Improve Someone’s Life......of course isolation makes everything worse for anyone......it’s not like a good romantic relationship SHOULDN’T improve stuff for people, but like, no way should it be the case that romance is the ONE THING available and it better fix fuckin Everything or else you’re on your own when it comes to dealing with those problems that Aren’t improved and if you can’t deal with it on your own you’re fucked, cuz it’s romance or nothing!!!! it would be totally convenient to like, be deeply in love asap and have that make everything amazing and hopefully it’s ur life partner so that you don’t have to worry about Struggling On Your Own like..........a romantic relationship is really all that looks to be on the table according to the Life Narrative that’s pushed really hard. and defining that romance as “this person will always be there for you for Anything and you’ll always be there for them and you’ll always be happy as long as you’re With Each Other” is really Something when life under capitalism guarantees no happiness nor for anyone to be there for you or care about you or help you otherwise

like yeah Friends are nice but they’re kind of sold as the nice optional bonus, or like, they’re there for you but you don’t have to be there for them, low maintenance ideally, and if they drift away when you don’t spend time on them or support them then that’s fine as long as you’ve got that romantic partner b/c that’s how romance is so often defined, as being More than any other relationship, like, hey i don’t Need anything else, i don’t Need anyone else, it’s fine if i only have you, for some reason we gotta view relationships as Tiered and know which one’s you’d consider disposable if you put them all through a winner-take-all tournament bracket.......brilliant approach which is totally fine if the agenda is “give people One Good Relationship with One person which must fulfill their existence and fix everything lacking” like ok

i mean there it alll comes back around to going “augh jesus christ” at Isolation packaged as romance where it’s like “[as long as Romance] it’s fine if i die, it’s fine if i don’t have anyone or anything else, it’s fine if we never engage with the world or talk to anyone else again”.......like fuck!!!! this is horrible!!!!!! god!!!!!! Isolation is Bad gang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and abuse overlaps sooooo hard with isolation, and you’ve got that deliberately isolating tactic that abusive partners pull that like, you can’t spend time with family and friends, it’s me vs. them, and you should always be prioritizing More Time With Me and be perfectly happy with *Only* our relationship or you don’t *really* love me..........but then this same sort of Concept will be just be touted as Ideal Romance as long as both people are cool with it lol!!! like, i don’t even Want to be around or think about anyone else, this one person is my whole Life And World, other loved ones who????? it’s Just Us now and hopefully forever, #sweet

like it’s pretty Effed Up that people have to feel like there’s only one way to expect someone to ever be at all devoted to them or really care about / understand / support them and that’s through having a Current Great Romantic Relationship, which must and should be *everything*..........like, everything i think abt “this idea about romance seems awful” is about like........romance shouldn’t be this way for even people who currently have that kind of relationship, and it should Always Be Fine to be single, even if you want / hope for a romantic relationship.........i’m keenly aware that snagging a Romantic Relationship seems like the only way to have someone committed to being On Your Side and paying attention to your existence every day. but really of course that shouldn’t be the case......and when a romance IS had, why is it worse to have a grounded view of it like, when people compare it moreso to friendships rather than to being some kind of magical bond which effortlessly yields Everything You Need In Life, so now you don’t have to care about anything or anybody else

sounds mean or Cold or whatever to be like well the way i see it is that “romance is unnecessary” but i mean, first off it is, you don’t Need it and some people don’t want it. but imo it’s not Bad to see it as just like, a sick bonus, a really awesome thing if you want it and it happens, but like, of course life isn’t Worthless or Ruined if someone who Wants a partner is single / becomes single. like, ideally Being Single regardless of whether you want that to be permanent or not should actually be enough on its own for anyone to be happy!! nobody should Need to have a partner to be happy / feel like their life is okay the way it is. like, is it not actually more ~romantic~ or whatever to feel like okay, i would be fine and happy with being single, but i would rather be with this other person because i Want to be, but i don’t Need this relationship to be okay. vs. the whole like i *need* this relationship type “that’s the puppetmaster who cursed my dick” approach where it’s like, god believe me this isn’t my idea but i MUST be with you, i’m miserable without you so i basically have no choice, this is like, the universe holding me at gunpoint. why not have choosing to be with someone just like “yeah i prefer this to Not being with you and i think it improves my life overall” without anyone having to feel like it’s their only option for happiness

anyways i really can’t imagine the concept of like, a Romance just absolutely cutting down all these other aspects of your life b/c you don’t care about / Need that shit anymore being an at-all pleasant or appealing concept versus like, it just being its own positive relationship that enhances everything and Doesn’t become your sole source for so much shit like validation and commitment and intimacy and support / help and companionship and etc etc etc etc etc etc

i’m sure this isn’t the only tangent i forgot to throw in somewhere else but everyone knows my “'teen angst’ is largely comprised of anticapitalist sentiment in the face of the hellscape and cognitive dissonance of adult life under capitalism and YA media deals with this and the struggle to find genuine connection and value in everyday existence" takes, well, it’s kinda wild how it’s basically a requirement for any YA work to have a thread of Romance running central to the whole thing. not like that doesn’t happen in other Genres, and not like some works don’t lean into that way harder than others, and not like every main char Ends Up with the/a love interest at the end, but it’s like, jeez. imo supports my idea that romance is Supposed to be *the* panacea for the ailments of capitalism

[tigerlover16-uk]

Goodbye, GT

This is a very personal post written mostly for the sake of posterity and closure. You're free to read it if you really want, but I'd rather nobody comment or make a big deal out of anything I say here, I just needed to get my thoughts written out for the sake of moving on. So I'd rather people just scroll past.

Well, I finally finished watching Dragon Ball GT subbed. Thank goodness.

I have a lot of complex thoughts on GT, many of them very negative. I've made it no secret that I hate this series, and I have a lot of reasons why I hate it. The complete refusal to do anything meaningful with the vast majority of the supporting cast (With the things they actually do end up being very minor stuff, or downright insulting), especially the complete mishandling of Pan and Uub's characters. The boring stories, the bad designs and the general aesthetic of the show. The unengaging fights, and that utterly STUPID ending!

There were a few things I liked here and there, but in general I have a lot to complain about. And maybe if people ask me I will talk more about the show, but since this will likely be the last time I ever watch it, I felt now was a good time to really wax poetic about why I really feel so negatively about it.

Because after really thinking everything over and my experiences with GT and the franchise in general, I think I've found a more deep-seated reason besides it's own admittedly poor quality as a show. And I just wanted to get it all out for posterity's sake and so I can really move on.

I watched GT as it was airing on Welsh television as a kid, the Blue Water Dub specifically. It aired right after Dragon Ball Z finished, and the original Dragon Ball started airing after GT wrapped up. Like with DBZ, I watched every episode as it aired, and in general my childhood self enjoyed it. I was too young and stupid to really think critically about most of the media I consumed, so I never tended to notice any flaws in the shows I watched.

And Dragon Ball Z was my favourite growing up, alongside Spider-man The Animated series, so naturally I was inclined to think of everything GT did as being amazing and cool. And to be fair, yeah there is some cool stuff here, I can see why I enjoyed it. Even though now that I look back, a lot of it didn't stick with me the same way the stories, action and characters of DBZ and later Dragon Ball did.

I was confused and uncertain about the ending, but given that the original Dragon Ball started airing soon after I was never much concerned with it. Dragon Ball couldn't really be over, here was more of it showing me all that backstory and stuff that was always hinted at or flashbacked to in Z but I never saw for some reason. I quickly fell in love with OG Dragon Ball the same way i did with it's sequel series.

It was soon after that series finished airing, however, and I came to accept that Dragon Ball was over... that a powerful, uneasy feeling started to set in. While I know I hadn't actually been watching it for ALL of my life, it really did feel like Dragon Ball had always been there. A constant, welcoming, wonderful presence in my life that made everything feel so much cooler and life in general so much more fulfilling. Something to always look forward to...

I didn't dwell on it too hard at the time, but as time passed, and life generally got harder and more miserable as time went on (I'm pretty sure I was in secondary school when Dragon Ball finished, and that was one of the worst parts of my life, let me tell you!), I started to feel very alone and wistful.

To give an idea of what I was going through without giving too much away, I was losing friends, with my longest friendship ending in a great personal betrayal, my home life was an utter mess right up to and through my parents divorcing.

And between school work, undiagnosed aspergers that my teachers refused to acknowledge might be a possibility, and just realising how harsh, cruel and kind of miserable the world really was... let's just say that I became a pretty closed off, miserable person for a while.

I got better when I started going to college and life in general became more stable, but through all of that, and for the next several years after it even... the thing that made it especially unbearable, was that through it all, I felt like something was missing.

Something important, something grounding. Something that had helped carry me through life prior to all that, and give me something to always look forward to and find comfort in whenever things seemed rough.

It felt like a part of my soul had been missing for a long time, and I never understood why.

I think it was during my later years in secondary school that my family got a computer for the first time. I can clearly remember spending so many hours of my life browsing through wiki's of all sorts of shows, games and movies I liked.

One day, I inevitably started looking up Dragon Ball stuff.

I went all in trying to find as much information as possible about this series. I read all up about the behind the scenes information and Akira Toriyama's writing process. I read up on all the characters, the manga prototypes of Dragon Ball, and the reasons for why Toriyama wrote a lot of things the way he did.

I learned about all of the dub changes, and the various dubs that were out there for that matter. I used to have a laugh about some of them. Learned about a lot of the movies, games, Specials and other stuff I hadn't been aware of because I'd never seen them before.

While I didn't have any DVD's for the series available for a while and felt uncomfortable pirating the show (Didn't stop me from looking at some other things on YouTube, I notice though... I'm a weirdo :p), but I did frequently refamiliarize myself with stuff that had happened.

And when Dragon Ball Z Kai became a thing, I watched that, and I kept up with animated specials like the Yo! Son Goku and his friends return! special or Episode of Bardock (Which I actually watched before I even watched Bardock: Father of Goku, despite knowing about that special and everything that happened in it for a while, for some reason...).

I remember hearing about Dragon Ball Online and all the stuff about it's lore, and being utterly fascinated by the prospect, since I had never imagined another take on the series post-EoZ other than GT actually being presented, even though I REALLY did wish we had more.

Over time as I was doing this, the feeling of wonder and fun that I had always felt watching Dragon Ball as a kid started to come back, and I remembered why I loved this series so much. How much it meant to me... and how sad it made me that it seemed the series would never come back.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I appreciated that we had stuff like the video games, or the occasional specials, and even the SD manga when that became a thing was something I frequently read synopsis for since I didn't know where to actually read the manga for a while. I was glad there was content being made... but it was never nearly the same thing as having a proper continuation, you know.

And a lot of the stuff we got, like the YO! special, was pretty mediocre fluff in the long run. It was fun, but it didn't fill the void. And I thought nothing ever would.

I had begun to realize what that missing part of my soul had been.

I was excited when I heard about Battle of Gods being released, but I also assumed it would just be a one-off thing, something that would be great to pass the time and give me another chance to see all those characters I loved again, but it wouldn't lead to anything bigger. And despite stuff like the hints of there being multiple different universes, I was still certain by the time Resurrection F was announced that an occasional mostly self-contained movie would be the best we could ask for in terms of new Dragon Ball content.

I can't even begin to tell you how shocked... and how darn HAPPY I was when Super was announced. I never expected it to happen... I couldn't believe it was. For the first time in years... a new Dragon Ball series. One that ignored GT's continuity, and thus it's definitive ending, and opened up the possibility of more new Dragon Ball stories for many years to come.

I wanted to cry.

I didn't start watching the show until it was part-way through the Champa saga... mostly because there weren't legal ways to view it until part-way through the Future Trunks saga, and I thought I'd wait for the dub at first. but keeping up with news and spoilers about what was happening, and browsing the tv tropes pages for Super every day and watching clips on YouTube, I just couldn't control myself and started looking up episodes of the Champa saga myself.

And oh God... I felt at home. I mean, it wasn't a perfect story, really, but... it was good. And it was new Dragon Ball. Watching things unfold was such a magical experience, and when it got to the Hit fight... HOLY COW, was my mind blown. THAT... that was Dragon Ball, through and through! And then we got the Baby Pan episode, and dear God that was adorably perfect and I love it to bits. And then we found out that Future Trunks was coming back for a saga, and the new villain for it and, OH GOD THE EXCITEMENT!

Having Dragon Ball back in my life again was just... it felt just so... right. The missing part of my soul was restored. I had my childhood... I had my best friend back.

I suppose by now you're wondering about how all of this relates to GT. You're probably thinking "Oh well then, you only hate it because you blame it for ending Dragon Ball for so long!" and... well, okay, that's kind of on point. But I didn't hate it for that until after I actually re-watched the series not too long ago.

Truth is, I've always defended GT. I mean, I knew it had problems just listening to people talk about it, and remembering it for myself. I definitely agreed the ending was wrong. But... I remembered liking it as a kid. Even loving it.

I remembered there were ideas and a few characters I really liked. People complain about a lot of things in DBZ as well, yet whenever I re-watch that and the original Dragon Ball, they both hold up exceptionally well despite some issues. Better than so many things from my childhood.

So, why shouldn't GT hold up the same? I always told people that GT was okay, that a lot of people overreacted and that it wasn't anything offensive. People were just overreacting.

I strongly believed that for years. I was glad it was non-canon, because that meant there was another chance for another, better post-EoZ series that utilized the next gen characters (And the long standing supporting cast, for that matter) better, and I didn't want Dragon Ball to have a definitive ending. But I stubbornly refused to have negative feelings about GT.

I started re-watching GT when Super was about half-way through, out of curiosity and because I wanted to have an actually up to date, informed opinion on it. Especially where comparisons to Super came up.

I didn't go into the series intending to be negative, I went in with the intention of DEFENDING IT. I knew there would be stuff that would annoy me or that would be frustrating, but I wanted to enjoy it like I had as a child. I wanted to be able to say with confidence that despite it's faults, GT was a worthwhile addition to the Dragon Ball franchise and that I liked it.

And for the first two to five episodes, I did kind of enjoy it, despite some things I took issue with...

But the more I watched and was bored of the first saga, and the more I started looking ahead and really dwelling on what went on in the show. How it used the characters, how the stories were written and how it ended... after a while, I started to doubt it. I started to dislike it more and more.

While I had made up my mind about GT not being a good continuation of Dragon Ball Z by the time I finished the Baby saga, I still mostly enjoyed that saga at least, despite some glaring issues that bothered me. I was willing to say that was mostly fine. I hated the Super 17 saga a lot, but even going into the Shadow Dragons saga, I expected to like that. I tried very hard to be positive going into it... and then it kept spitting in my face.

And by the time I got to the penultimate episode, I was sick of the show and glad to stop watching it. I did something I never expected myself to do, and declared it horrible, a blight on the franchise! And I meant it, because after experiencing such a disappointing let down, and especially after that insulting final episode when I did watch it... I felt betrayed.

THIS was the show I had been defending all these years?! It was trash! People were right, GT WAS an insult to the franchise... it was an insult to me as a fan, as someone who loves this series.

And I feel this way because it feels like the series is specifically designed to annoy me. The first saga is a boring slog where it feels like nothing of actual value happens after our heroes leave earth, all for a stupid contrived premise. The only really notable episode is episode 15, and for ALL the wrong reasons! Goku is turned into a kid for no reason, which just feels wrong at this point in the series, Pan is derailed into an annoying brat for no good reason, and the only other character that comes along for the journey is Trunks. Who is one of the few characters I don't really care that much about, and he's blander here than he was in DBZ.

We get one half-decent story after that, one horrible trainwreck of an arc that did NOTHING right apart from a funny gag with Chichi and Videl, and a saga that sounds on paper like it should be the greatest thing in the world... but everything apart from Nuova and Eis Shenron's episodes was handled in the WORST WAY POSSIBLE.

The fights range from passable, occasionally good, to just BORING. While there were good jokes sometimes, the humour was usually dull. The many characters I loved either barely showed up and then only to get fodderised, have a lot of their personality drained away so they're just kind of dull, or in the cases of Piccolo and Majin Buu, get POINTLESSLY KILLED OFF! And in Piccolo's case he got shoved into freaking Hell for his troubles and never got out! What were you thinking, writers! That is NOT how you treat one of the greatest anime characters ever created!

Everything I felt could have potential to be interesting felt like it was deliberately sabotaged. Uub was shoved aside in the first episode and didn't show up until it was half over, and then despite getting a transformation all he does is have a fight with Baby that's way too short and anti-climactic and then stall the villain later on in the saga, otherwise he's so insignificant to the show he might as well never show up.

I always thought his character was very interesting and I wanted to see him be at least the co-protagonist and actually do stuff... and GT just bent over backwards to make him irrelevent, give him almost no personality or real purpose, and just generally undermine the entire point of the ending of Z...

Pan got off almost worse. She was never allowed to go super saiyan, only useful a few times throughout the show and didn't defeat anyone that mattered on her own. She got no real character development, and was mostly just a damsel in distress... because the writers LITERALLY ADMITTED that they only kept her around so she could get beat up by the villains so Goku could look better by comparison. But oh I've already made some long posts on how badly Pan was used, so I won't go on now.

Bulla and Marron barely existed as far as the show was concerned. Krillin was basically a prop that was there to be a butt monkey who disappoints his family in the Baby saga, and his only notable contribution to the story was to DIE to move the plot along.

Android 17... oh God, the poor guy. He barely had any personality left when he showed up inexplicably under Dr Gero and Myuu's mind control, that whole Super 17 fusion was stupid as all heck, and then they senselessly killed his character off for real without ever doing ANYTHING of interest with him in a really insulting manner.

Despite the brilliant premise of having all the past villains invade from hell, the show did NOTHING with ANY of them, apart from turning Frieza, my favourite villain of all time, and Cell, into a couple of jokes who are defeated in an embarrassing way.

As cool as the Shadow Dragons are in concept, not only does their explanation and build up make no sense, but only Nuova and Eis are worthwhile characters. Haze and Rage Shenron were absolutely pathetic, Oceanus Shenron felt like a monster of the week from an earlier point in the series and not suitable endgame villain material, Naturon Shenron was annoying and lost because he was the BIGGEST IDIOT in the entire franchise, and Omega Shenron was the most disappointing final boss possible with no personality beyond "Evil bad guy" and a dull final fight that just poorly rips off stuff that happened in the Buu Saga, as well as that one episode that was just pointless padding that existed to tease people who liked Nuova Shenron by bringing him back only to have his contribution mean nothing (Kind of like how Vegeta going super saiyan 4 meant nothing thanks to Gogeta being a time wasting idiot and Vegeta not even putting up a half-decent fight against Omega).

And besides that, there were only two new characters in the show besides Nuova (Who was killed off way too soon, IMO) and Eis (The only character used as well as he could have been, probably) that were any good, them being Baby and General Rilldo. And Baby devolves into discount Frieza with none of the charm halfway through his saga, and Rilldo only gets a mediocre at best fight and then gets a bridge unceremoniously dropped on him.

And apart from them? Giru/Gill was an occasional nuisance and as interesting as drying paint. Valese was awkward and pointless, Dolltaki was the WORST character in the franchise, Dr Myuu/Mu was a boring dollar store Dr Gero with a stupider moustache and nothing interesting to him at all, and none of the other few characters were anything worthwhile.

And it's not like the show did a lot of interesting stuff with the characters it already had, half the characters are barely around, with several being only silent cameos, and they don't get any development from when we last saw them. Even 18's highly touted contribution in the Super 17 saga just involved her conveniently showing up to shoot energy blasts at Super 17, allowing Goku to then do all the hard work necessary to defeat him. It was kinda cool, but it was barely anything and it still comes at the expense of wasting 17 completely.

And then that ending... that above all insulted me, because after the show went out of it's way to wreck up so many of the characters, and treat us to mediocre to horrible stories, destroy any of the potential that Dragon Ball Z left open for future stories... after all that, it had the GALL to offer up what it intended to be the definitive, no going back ending for the ENTIRE series... an ending that was out of nowhere, depressing, and overall just kind of pointless... I was so angry.

THIS SHOW... this show is the reason we went so long without another Dragon Ball series for almost two decades, outside of Kai being just a re-cut of Z. And it went out of it's way to be the worst possible send off for the franchise imaginable, and try to cut off all avenues for future series.

I was so angry over this! All those years wistfully longing to have Dragon Ball come back... all those years that I felt incomplete, like I'd lost my anchor to make life feel more bearable when things got bad... like I didn't have a lot to look forward to... all of that was GT's fault, and it was TERRIBLE to boot!

And I DEFENDED this show all that time, because I was just so clueless... I felt sick.

And yes, I know I can't blame GT for how bad life got for me, that's childish... but I really do feel like having a little hope that Dragon Ball would continue with more series would have helped through it.

Dragon Ball is not just a show or manga to me. It is my favourite media franchise of all time. The series, it's characters and it's world resonate with me like nothing else. Nothing makes me happier than watching Dragon Ball, nothing else gets me more excited. The magic I felt watching the show as a kid is something I have yet to experience from any other work of fiction, despite trying my hardest to find it elsewhere in the time since. Maybe Pokemon comes close, but it's not quite there.

Dragon Ball is an integral part of my life. And GT tried to rip it away from me. To torch the franchise and run, as tv tropes would put it.

That is why I was so happy to have Super come into my life.

Dragon Ball Super is not a perfect series, as I have stated many times before. It has plot holes, inconsistent animation quality, especially earlier on. It occasionally screws up writing certain characters like Vegeta or Goku (Even though I don't think the latter's portrayal overall is anywhere near as bad as people blow it out of proportion to be), and there are plenty of missed opportunities. The Future Trunks Saga's ending was a complete mess, some of the things it introduced didn't really pay off. It has problems...

But at the same time, it's given me more joy than any other series of the past decade. Because when Super is good... oh my God, is it good.

The best fights from Super are honestly some of my favourites in the entire franchise. Goku vs Hit, the big fight with Goku Black and Future Zamasu in episode 57, Gohan vs Lavender, Gokus first fight with Jiren, Android 18 beating Ribrianne... there are SO many good ones, and the best are so much better than any of GT's action scenes. Heck, just watching the clip of the last bout of the fight between Goku, Frieza and Android 17 against Jiren did more for me than the entire final battle against Omega Shenron did.

There are so many good jokes and funny episodes, I think I've laughed more watching Super than any other Dragon Ball series. The slice of life episodes and moments scattered throughout are wonderful, and give me such an unbelievably pleasant feeling. We see so much more of the supporting cast too, and while the show struggles with a lot of characters especially early on, they all ended up getting so much good character moments over the course of the show and especially in the final arc. It was so wonderful just to spend more time with everyone.

There were so many cool new concepts thrown in. The 12 universes, the integration of the Galactic Patrol from the Jaco manga, the super dragon balls.

And there were so many new characters that I'm actually interested in.

Obviously we have Beerus, Whis and Jaco carrying on from the recent movies, and I love them so much. But in Super we got to meet Hit, Champa, Vados, Cabba, Frost, Magetta, Goku Black, Caulifla, Toppo, Ribrianne, and so many awesome and intersting new characters, many of whom I desperately want to see fleshed out and get to do more in future series. I didn't care about anyone from GT NEARLY as much as I care about half of these new characters, except maybe Nuova.

There's just so many amazing things that have happened that I never dreamed I would experience.

I never thought Android 17 would not only come back and be developed more, but that he'd go on to be one of the best characters in the show and one of my new favourites. I never thought Frieza would make a big comeback either, but oh God was he so perfect in the Universe Survival Saga and I think I love him even more now than I already did! I never thought I'd see Master Roshi getting to be cool again and have what felt like an even better send off to his time as a martial artist than the original Dragon ball gave him, but oh lord was episode 105 so good and got me emotional.

I never even knew I wanted Pan the adorable super baby to be a thing, but oh God is she wonderful and perfect in every way and I just love her so much! Ahhh!

Already I have so many fond memories of watching Super. Sure, it's done things to upset me from time to time, but when it's good, and it is most of the time, it does more for me than most other shows I watch. When Super is at it's best, I feel the same magic that Dragon Ball Z made me feel as a child.

A feeling I never once got from watching GT.

And as much as I panicked when I heard the show was ending, we got confirmation soon after that Super would continue through the upcoming movie, and all signs pointed to a new Dragon Ball series being produced in the near future. When the final episode aired, I felt a great sense of satisfaction in how it concluded... and also excitement and hope for the future, because that last episode made it so clear that there was much more to come.

Dragon Ball GT's ending threw me out of the house, slammed the door in my face and flushed the keys down the toilet. But Super left the door open.

It wasn't a goodbye this time. It was a "See you later"

A promise from my oldest, most dear friend that we would meet again.

It was such a beautiful feeling. And I cannot wait to see what the future holds for Dragon Ball. I'm sure there'll be bad stories now and again, every franchise has those from time to time, but Toei seem to be making all the right moves to get things stable to better produce future dragon ball works. The movie seems like it's having a ton of effort put into it, at least. So I have faith. Now my dream where Dragon Ball can go on forever might finally be coming true, and I couldn't be happier.

And after all is said and done, looking back on GT... I can't help but resent it for trying to deny me that.

I can't help but hold GT responsible for all of the years where there were no new Dragon Ball series. All the years it felt like Dragon Ball would never come back for real. And for all the loneliness that caused me deep in my heart.

It had some good points. Bad as it truly was, I can't say it was the worst sequel or show ever produced, there are many works of fiction that are objectively far worse than GT, and stuff that has caused actual harm to the world.

It'll never be One More Day or Holy Terror levels of bad... but on a strictly personal level, GT causes me more anger than any other fictional work I have encountered.

Why did I bother watching it again? That was a question I found myself asking as I was binging the subbed version. Obviously the reason I started doing that was because I have a personal goal of watching each Dragon Ball series both dubbed and subbed, and I thought I might as well get GT out of the way since I'd watched it all dubbed not too long ago... but why did I keep going as quickly as I did, when watching it just caused me so much frustration to the point of feeling actually painful?

I don't fully know, but maybe deep down I just really wanted to convince myself that I was being too harsh. That it wasn't all that bad, that I could go back to liking it somewhat. Because I really didn't want to resent it so much.

Guess that didn't work out, since honestly I think the only thing it accomplished is making me all the more aware of why I dislike it.

But you know what... whatever. I could keep being angry about GT until I'm blue in the face, but it's really not worth it. Because it's not relevant anymore. As much as it still bothers me we don't have another series set post-EoZ yet, GT has officially been replaced regardless by Super. It's clear that the franchise is back, and here to stay. Hopefully for good, this time. So really, what do I have left to be worried about?

I've got what I wanted all this time. GT's attempt to end Dragon Ball failed, the story goes on. And now that I've watched it both ways, I have no reason to ever come back to GT, or worry about it ever again. I have closure.

The show is still there for people who do enjoy it, for whatever reasons I'll never be able to relate to again. But I'm free from having to worry about it getting in the way of more Dragon Ball stories.

Now I have hope again, hope that a new Dragon ball series where Uub and Pan are treated with respect will happen down the line. Hope that I'll get to see more good character development and cool moments from all the characters I love. Hope that Launch might come back, or that underdeveloped characters might get to come back and be made a thousand times better like Android 17 was.

Here's to a bright future for Dragon Ball, the story that never ends.

And so, with all that out of the way... I guess it's time to say goodbye.

GT, you were a frustrating experience. I will admit, a part of me will always cherish those good childhood memories you gave me, even if they've been somewhat tainted. I will always love Super saiyan 4, and Nuova Shenron, and there's probably some good moments I might watch again through clips if I'm bored. I'll certainly listen to that english opening song again.

As bad as I make you out to be, in the end you weren't a complete disaster, since Dragon Ball ended up coming back anyway. And while I can never say I enjoyed watching you, part of me is glad there are others who feel differently, because people do deserve to be happy, even if I can't share the experience.

Because I'm not coming back. Because unless some exceptional circumstances happen, like I somehow become a big-name internet critic and I decide to review you for views, I highly doubt our paths will ever cross again. And I think that's for the best. I am sorry we grew apart so much, but I'm much happier where things are now.

Goodbye, GT. May your memory fade with time.

[deborahcastellano]

Ancestor Work and Our Current Political Climate

Huddle up, Charmers.  As many of you know who have followed me for years, I don’t explicitly talk about politics very much.  Usually it’s like putting lipstick on a pig and everyone just gets annoyed.  If you’ve been following me that long, you know whereabouts I stand on many issues and know that I do my best to be respectful of dissenting opinions.

This last week since my book came out, I’ve been deep into AncestorLand.  Now if you’ve been following me for years, you know that I have an uneasy and unsteady relationship with most of my ancestors due to sad feels, tiny family which I’ve watched much of die and all consuming grief. That’s enough for me to deal with, so I don’t go farther back than our more recent ancestors that my family still tells stories about, so I personally go about three generations back.  I’ve been thinking a lot about my uncle since book launch, especially since the publication of my current book is the fulfillment of my deathbed promise to him.  So, obviously book launch day was spent feeling shitty and grieving for him.  It got better for me but then it got worse.  More specifically, worse in Charlottesville.

So let’s talk about my mother and uncle’s father.  My grandfather came to this country through Ellis Island with very little.  He fought in World War II and it was recently his birthday.  He’d be 109.  In the war, he was required to fight against allies of his home country for a new country that sort of/kind of accepted him if you squinted really hard.  But he believed in doing what was right (fighting people who were mass slaughtering people and pro-fascist), so he fought.  He wrote poems about his time in the war, he wrote letters to the editors of newspapers when conditions were unbearable, he was missing in action for a time and then he came home and did social work for poor communities.  My grandmother had an eighth grade education and worked in the Ideal toy factory.  They made sure my uncle learned a trade (aviation) and my mother got her master’s degree.  Education is everything in my family.  Everything.  It’s what they worked so hard for.  It’s what they gave up their dreams for.  For us to be able to have the means to accomplish whatever we put our will to.

I cannot hold my head up as my grandfather’s granddaughter if I am required to condone current Nazis for milquetoast reasons.  I can’t.  Not after he fought so hard to stop genocide because it was the right thing to do, even if it meant turning against his country of origin.  And if I’m being really real here, I can’t believe I’ve had to had this conversation all morning.  You think my grandfather was all old-timey, “Hate the game, not the playa?”  (Hate the ideology, not the person) when he was in the trenches?  I highly doubt it.  Firstly, Italians and Italian-Americans are known for our love of the vendetta both grand and petty.  Secondly, holy cats if there was ever a Captain America enemy for the time, Nazis were it.  Nazis and Nazi like enemies are still often the go-to bad guys in media.

Charmers, many of us reading this are witches.  Guess who’s getting cleansed if all wring our hands and say nothing because someone on Facebook may be offended?  That’s right!  Don’t worry, non-witch readers, there’s room for you too!  Were you born Jewish?  Are you only kindof white or not white at all?  Are you not a binary gender?  Are you childless?  Are you a woman who works?  Have you ever been a ho?  Are you disabled in any way?  Are you a sexual minority?  Step right up!

Like . . .what the hell did I wake up to this morning where I had to justify not having any effs to give about the delicate sensibilities of Nazis, one of which just killed a chick?  Oh hey!  You know who else is a useless childless slut?  Me and many of you!  But I’m supposed to be like, oh no I don’t hate Nazis, I hate what they believe in which is the total destruction of 85% of the people I associate with.  Dude.  I hate Nazis.  I’m not going to run my car into a bunch of them unlike some people but I’m not required to be nice about Nazis.  That’s the point of being a Witch.  You don’t have to follow an ideology that is meant to keep you in line and then killed if a bunch of genocidal maniacs come into power.  You don’t!  You get to work Witchcraft against them, you get to doxxx them, you get to create art as resistance, you get to sign petitions, you get to go to vigils, you get to yell at the internet because that is your right as an America citizen.

So I suggest, you start making some noise.  You think Grammy and Pop-Pop want you to sit quietly and say oh well, freedom of speech, so if a girl gets killed for being a protestor at a goddamn Nazi rally, we should all just accept that during a time where our President took three days to grudgingly say it’s not okay to be a Nazi piece of shit?  They do not.  They didn’t.  You shouldn’t either.  That’s real ancestor Work.  Get to it.

Illegitimi non carborundum.

[withlovefromarose]

today was also good, except im tired af and my mom is stressed about money :/ warning, this is super long

i ran errands all day today. literally. i called the gastro doctor and left a message about picking up some samples, i explained everything that was going on. then i had to drop my mom off at work which is like a 25 minute drive from our house, then i went to see rachel because she lives near my mom’s work and i love seeing her pets, i drove home and sat down for literally 5 minutes before the gastro doctor called me back and said they had some samples for me. so i ate breakfast and then i decided since i had the day of having my car since i dropped my mom off at work, i would call about this wax center that gives you 50% off of your first wax, so i called and scheduled it for this afternoon, a full bikini wax. i wanted to wax it because i hate shaving it bc it’s all prickly and super itchy when it grows back, and also i don’t want to accidentally cut myself. i wanted it clear because after the surgery, i’ll have some post op bleeding for a little bit, and its so much easier to keep it clean when there isn’t a ton of hair. i cannot tell you how irritating and time consuming it is to wipe when you have a ton of blood and it’s all in your hair. i usually shaved it when i had my period because it was so annoying. anyway, so i left home and picked up my medication samples which by the way, they gave me a whole month’s worth and i cannot tell you how much that relieved my anxiety. also, i called the division of family resources about my medicaid, and they said it’s still active, i just don’t have prescription coverage with medicaid anymore because i have a drug plan with medicare. that doesn’t go into effect until next month, but it was still a relief because it means it won’t mess with my surgery approval at all because my coverage is still active. i got the samples to last me until next month, i have enough of my other med to last because it was a 3 month prescription, and i can get my other two meds on the generic $4 list at walmart without insurance. the only thing i’m kind of nervous about it the post op pain pills. i won’t be covered yet so i’ll either have to ask if they have a generic, but i can only take tylenol3 since it’s not an anti-inflammatory which i can’t take because of my stomach. or i’ll have to ask them to keep me in the hospital on iv pain meds for an extra day or two. but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. i don’t want to push the surgery, so i’ll do whatever we have to.

anyway, i had a cvs gift card so i took back the shampoo i bought at walmart and used that money to pay for the wax, then i went to this rent to own place that was having a sale for the 4th, where you only pay $4 for the first month of your agreement, so i got a chair for my mom to sit in while i’m recovering from surgery in my room for a couple weeks. it’s super cheap even after this month though, only $24 a month, so i think i’ll keep it because i really love it and it’s like a pastel soft yellow, and i love that color and i think it’ll brighten up my room a little. they’re delivering it on friday. then i went to get the wax. it was honestly not anywhere near as bad as i thought it was going to be. it hurt for like literally 4 seconds right when she would pull a strip off, but then it was totally fine. and each time, it wasn’t like. unbearable. i didn’t cry or sweat or jerk in pain. i was a little tense, but that’s to be expected for my first wax. i was worried i’d be self conscious or embarrassed undressing in front of a complete stranger, but honestly she made me feel so comfortable and was so nice and we chit chatted through the whole thing. she was wearing scrubs so she reminded me of a nurse, and i could tell she was in her 30′s at least, so it wasnt as weird as if like a 20 year old was waxing me because i think i would have been self conscious. i’m still a little sore, and it’s a weird place to be sore, but it kinda reminds me of the soreness of after my other endo surgery, because they went up vaginally. not the same, but it’s similar in the way that the area is tender. but i was expecting to be so super sore later, and the soreness didn’t get worse at all. you know when you get a cut and it hurts worse later? it didn’t. it was very consistent and bearable and i would do it again like every few months if i had the money. i could only do it this time because it was 50% off :/ i got a taste of what it’s like to be rich lol. anyway, after that, i went and got the shampoo i needed using the gift card, and while i was there, my photos were ready to be picked up so i picked them up and went home and lookd at them, it was so cool to see what the mystery film roll was from, it was from when i was like 7 or so. a ton of them are super close ups of the cats we had at the time lolol but i love them. i can’t wait to get the other rolls developed. i think i have 4 more mystery rolls. then i had to leave to go pick my mom up from work, and we had to go to the store, and then we finally got home around 7:30pm. we had left the house this morning at 8:30. when we got home, i checked social media and then passed tf out on the couch and didn’t wake up until 4am. i ate some dinner and took my meds, and now i’m about to eat some dairy free ice cream and pass out again lol. that was my day.

[weasley-detectives]

Brave and Merida in a Trumped up world

It's a little surprising to me that the Disney fandom went absolutely apeshit over the "Disneyfication" of Merida in their merchandise - something Brenda Chapman even spoke out against, calling it a cheap ploy to sell merchandise - yet there hasn't been any commentary on other Brave spin-offs.

Merida's a Disney/Pixar heroine who, in Chapman’s own words, was created to be a different kind of Princess. Now, I don’t think it makes me a good feminist to sit here and pit Disney Princess against Disney Princess; I think popular perception of the “Disney Princess” is a different beast altogether when compared with the actual source material, which has both positive and negative aspects. But when it comes to Merida the writers intentionally set out from the start to try something new. She has a fuller, rounded figure, a nuanced relationship with her mother, and romance plays no part in her story. You could argue there’s evidence of a romantic interest, but that’s not the same thing as a romantic subplot, and it’s not overt enough that you can say with any certainty. The writers admit the original idea was to have Merida walk off into the sunset with Young MacGuffin, the suitor who briefly catches her attention early in the film, but that epilogue thankfully only exists in the artbook and deleted scenes.

And let me be clear, there's nothing wrong with Merida having a romantic interest. In fact, I came to love that Merida is subtly shown to be a little interested in Young MacGuffin. 

I was watching Mulan the other night with a @pale-silver-comb​ (who is 100% responsible for my newfound love of Disney- well, that and the fact I need bright happy escapist animation as the rest of my time is spent neck deep in miserable politics). We were cackling over the scene where Mulan ogles a shirtless Shang and later wound up ranting over how rare it is to see women checking out guys in films. When women do make their attraction known, they tend to run the risk of being framed or labelled as shameless, or worse, sluts. On the flipside, how often do we see guys ogling girls in media? Yeah, exactly. It's a shitty myth that women don't own their sexuality in the same ways men do. That's one of the things I love about Mulan and Merida as heroines - they're not "strong female characters" (god I hate that term, can we please kill it?) just because they kick large hairy man arse. They're great characters because they are so relatable. They're funny, they're giant dorks, they stuff their gobs, they check guys out, they can be crass, proud, and make mistakes. These are all things women do, but aren't shown to do nearly as often as men are in mainstream media.

I’m glad the Brave epilogue with Merida and Young MacGuffin didn't make the final cut, because the story wasn't about Merida finding romance - it was about Merida's relationship with her mother, and the two of them confronting their pride, opening their minds to new ways of thinking, and admitting their mistakes. The epilogue had no place in Brave’s narrative. To have included it would have harmed the message of the story by adding romance for the sake of romance, rather than for any narrative purpose. But at the same time I don't want to downplay Merida showing even a subtle interest because yay women owning their own sexuality. One of the things that has driven me crazy since I was a kid myself is the patronising infantilization of girls. A crush is normal, you can pretty much get them at any age, it does not mean you’re not enjoying your childhood to the fullest. Fuck that noise. I had massive crushes from the age of 4 and still managed to climb trees, get into fights and battle Captain Hook and Shredder on my T-Rex with imaginary best friend Gollum at my side (what? fuck you we had a bond). That Merida might have had a bit of a crush on Young MacGuffin reinforces for me the fact she’s a character who doesn't want to get married because she doesn’t bloody want to, not because the suitors are conveniently horrible people she vehemently dislikes. I actually find that even more inspiring. So yes, Brave is a great film with a pretty amazing heroine.

Which is why it pisses me off when spin-off writers take something so progressive and shaft it.

This isn't a ship shaming post at all - fandom is a ship & let ship space, ship Merida with her bow for all I care, it's all good. This critique is aimed at crappy spin-offs and I’m taking Once Upon a Time as an example. Now, OUAT isn’t all bad. Sometimes it takes Disney canon and transforms it into something really interesting, progressive and original. Or, well, it used to. Recent seasons not so much. The actress who plays Merida is the only good thing about OUAT's Brave arc. The rest is unbearably lazy (HA! pun.) writing. The gravest injustice has to be King Fergus, who looks like he's wearing a wig knitted from a highland cow's pubes.

Don't get me started on his accent. I’m scottish. No Scotsman sounds like that. Not unless they’re squeedging out an enormous post-curry-hangover shit. I love Fergus, but honestly I was relieved OUAT!Fergus was bumped off before my ears could go on strike.

The suitors are also sexist pigs. Dingwall and MacGuffin don't even say anything, they just play the lazy mindless followers/minions to MacIntosh who’s probably the most unlikeable aspect of the arc. Really says something about OUAT when the original animation, aimed at a younger audience, portrays its characters as more nuanced. In Brave, Young MacIntosh is all bluff- he’s a show off, a sore loser and generally a bit of a prick, but there are also glimpses of genuine empathy. He's also the suitor Merida is openly put off by in the film. So yeah, in Brave, Young MacIntosh is a bit of a lanky fucktrumpet, but he's not anywhere close to being the scabby sexist cockwomble he is in OUAT. This would be fine if it had some sort of clever narrative purpose, but who am I kidding, it’s OUAT. OUAT!MacIntosh is a proper dickhead and there’s no reason for Merida to like any of the suitors, because unlike in Brave, they’re all fucking assholes. And yet the OUAT arc still ends with Merida giving him the smitten googley eyes. Because romance or something. cool.

Another Brave novelisation published by Disney Random House ends with Merida confirming to the reader that yes, she did eventually marry. Well thank fuck for that! My frail girlish heart couldn't possibly entertain the idea of Merida never marrying. Thank you book, you've reassured conservative parents everywhere.

In addition to that bollocks is.. probably one of the worst offenders. I recently picked up a couple of the Merida chapter books by Sudipta Bardham-Quallen, again published by Disney Random House. They're for wee kids, but I wanted to see more of @gurihiru​​ 's lovely art which I’m fully smitten with. The writing isn’t great, but the stories involve challenging enough themes for very young readers. To the author's credit there's a bit of an effort made to retain a Scottish feel to them and there’s a nice focus on female friendships as Merida encounters new characters. It’s a bit cutesy-poo BFFs!!, the kind of thing I hated as a kid, but hey, we need more female friendship stories. The new characters are even quite likeable, so thumbs up there.

Then I picked up the second book, The Fire Falls (also written by Sudipta Bardham-Quallen), and cringed. Basically bad Merida and Young MacIntosh fanfic involving some classic tropes like: 'I'm not jealous, I’m just better than all those shameless slags flirting with him' and 'arg he's such an asshole but i'm inexplicably attracted to him though there's nothing to show in the story why I should be!' and my favourite - ‘He’s a bad guy but I can change him!’

Here's my main issue: why is it when a female character shows or says she’s not interested in a guy's advances this all too often becomes a springboard for their romance? Why do these stories have such an obsession with positioning the sexist hyper-masculine asshole as the romantic lead? (I'm sure that couldn’t have any dire implications for the worl-oh fuck). And in Brave's case, when the source material and original epilogue show Merida taking an interest in the big fat guy, why don’t any of the spin-offs build on that? Young MacGuffin also happens to be the only one in the entire film to vocally stand up for Merida’s rights. That’s pretty cool! So why don’t spin-offs celebrate that? The cynic in me says we all know the answer - much like Merida had to be “sexed up” to sell Disney merchandise, the fat suitor had to be swapped out for the skinny. 

Really, in a film that revolves around Merida's frustration that people aren't listening to her, it sort of amazes me that these spin-offs don't realise they AREN'T LISTENING TO HER.

And yeah, obviously I know it seems really silly picking on kids books and OUAT, neither of which are ever going to win awards for great progressive writing, but considering America just elected a vile celebrity as President and populism is on the rise, maybe it’s time we all said screw that academic snobbery and paid more attention to popular media. This stuff is common, these tropes are common, and it’s consumed mostly by young kids who internalise these crappy messages.

I make a big deal of it because these coded messages have a profound effect on us as we grow. These messages tell us to ignore a girl's decision and choice: that when she says 'I'm not interested' what we hear is 'I am'; that the most "attractive" and most "masculine" guy will always be the “natural” choice; that being fat or shy or awkward are inherently negative qualities and will always be overlooked by the loud wanker distracting everyone by waving his tiny hands around.

I'm now a published historian and I plan on publishing children's books in the near future; I work part-time in a bookshop, so I talk to kids about the stories they read, the stories they want to read, and their frustrations with the stories they HAVE read, all the time; I studied child psychology as part of my degree in Social Anthropology: this is why it matters to me and why I know all too well how much these coded messages affect us. I know it from my own experiences as a half-Moroccan kid with a dead father, growing up in a classroom of white kids who all came from middle-class households with two parents. This was all brought back to me when I rediscovered some of my old journals and stories I had written for class where I portrayed myself as being blonde/white and talked as if my dad was still alive, because I desperately wanted to be *normal*. I never got to encounter a character like Merida growing up, and I wish to god I had.

Children's authors and publishing houses have an enormous responsibility to make their readers feel included and heard. They also have a responsibility to challenge toxic ideas - not reinforce them. We have to keep pushing boundaries, not limit them.

[socialattractionuk]

Why do people cheat?

Why do people cheat? (Picture: Getty/Metro.co.uk)

Cheating is always a topic of conversation, because while it happens all the time, it still manages to feel like a shocking heartbreak.

Either it’s happened to you, or you’ve cheated on someone, or your friend’s wanker ex cheated on them, or your entire office is chatting about the Seann Walsh and Katya Jones kiss (have you seen Rebecca Humphries’ response, though?).

Every time it happens, there’s usually one big question: Why?

Why do people cheat? Why don’t they just end their relationship if they’re miserable? Why do they stay with people they can’t stop cheating on? Why? Why? Why?

Sheela Mackintosh-Stewart is a matrimonial consultant and a divorce lawyer, so she’s heard more than her fair share of cheating stories.

She’s noticed that there are certain triggers that can lead to infidelity. It’s not that there’s something wrong with a person’s partner so they look elsewhere, but that they don’t know how to deal with an unmet emotional need.

‘Modern relationships undergo constant pressures, whether that’s handling the demands of everyday life, having to constantly juggle a hefty work-life balance or dealing with pressures on social media,’ Sheela tells Metro.co.uk. ‘It is these stresses that can sometimes accumulate and lead to a relationship breakdown, and in some cases, infidelity.

‘For Strictly Come Dancing’s Shann and Katya – who are both in serious long-term relationships – their kiss has been a result of intense stress, increased proximity and of course going by the telling of events, alcohol.

‘In general, though, cheating encompasses a wide range of relationship-straying, from emotional cheating (surreptitious texting of an intimate nature) to sexual cheating (casual one night stands to prolonged sexual affairs).

(Picture: Ella Byworth)

‘Common triggers I have seen include boredom, loneliness, depression, marital unhappiness, the need to spice it up’and escape from the ordered predictability and humdrum of daily life, and domestic routine with the intoxicating edge of danger and thrill.’

Sheela notes that many cheaters are looking for validation, often out of a place of insecurity and anger. Often infidelity will occur when a person is feeling particularly vulnerable and doesn’t feel their additional emotional needs are being met – such as when a parent dies, when work becomes stressful, or a midlife crisis.

‘Cheating is often just a symptom of a much greater underlying rot that has set into relationships which haven’t been properly communicated or dealt with by the couple, including feeling neglected, trapped, unsupported or having needs unmet,’ she tells us.

Makes sense.

But while an outside expert can look at cheating and say ‘yep, that’s all down to insecurity’, it’s tricky to keep that distanced, rational view when it comes to encountering cheating firsthand.

You might not get a neatly packaged explanation tied up with a bow. You might cheat and not really understand why.

Amy*, who’s cheated on her current partner multiple times, recognises that her behaviour isn’t healthy, and is working to understand why she cheats.

‘Largely it’s meeting up for a drink and then going to their place/a hotel. It fizzles out a few months later but the odd text, then one night it will start back up again,’ Amy tells us.

‘I knew it was awful of me and that I was risking everything, but I was bored and sad and wanted attention. I think at the time I thought “well if my boyfriend’s not interested maybe somebody else will be”.

‘It’s definitely because I’m depressed and I do it for a distraction. When someone new and exciting (and usually European so with a sexy accent) is interested in me then it’s lighting up a different part of my brain and distracting me from how shit I feel otherwise.

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

‘The shame and guilt the next day is the worst comedown, but I still go back for more. It’s like MDMA or something.

‘Also I think because my mental health is bad and I’m feeling worthless, I don’t care if they treat me horribly because it’s what I deserve.’

Amy has spoken with her therapist to look into why she keeps cheating. She feels intense guilt, but that hasn’t taken her out of the cheating and self-hating cycle.

‘My therapist says it’s because I don’t feel like I’m good enough for my boyfriend, so am trying to sabotage the relationship so that it can come down to a “well you cheated” and not “you’re not good enough”,’ she says.

‘But I don’t want him to find out, so who knows what’s going on really.

‘I feel guilt all the time, and it’s definitely even more damaging to my self esteem. I probably let my boyfriend get away with stuff (nothing bad, just like, watching eleven hours of football) that I wouldn’t if I was faithful, but because I cheated I end up thinking “oh it’s fine, let him have that, you cheated on him you heinous woman”.’

Like many people who have cheated, Amy is beginning to wonder whether a monogamous relationship is right for her.

‘I don’t think monogamy is realistic in a very long term relationship,’ she says. ‘If he cheated and it was just sex, I wouldn’t mind. If it was an affair with emotional connection then I’d be devastated.’

For Adam*, who’s cheated on past partners and his current significant other, repeated infidelity has brought him to the realisation that he doesn’t want to be in a monogamous relationship. He’s now working towards polyamory with his partner.

‘I deeply love my current partner, yet I also feel romantic and sexual attraction to other people,’ he tells Metro.co.uk. ‘I’m currently on a journey to make an open relationship work for us.’

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

But that discovery took a lot of time, communication, and pain.

‘I didn’t come clean with the past relationships, and I was not found out,’ Adam explains. ‘With my current relationship she found out before I could come clean about it.

‘At a personal level it affected deeply my relationship, and we even considered breaking up after 7 years. I felt bad for the pain that cheating gave to my partner.

‘I found that we’re now both more engaged than ever, and I am hopeful that this will work. I find that many times we put unrealistic expectations on our partners, and even though monogamy works for many, we should be more open to a wider variety of relationship configurations.’

Of course, not everyone who cheats will cheat again. Contrary to the ‘once a cheat, always a cheat’ belief, there are people who make a one time mistake, feel awful about what they’ve done, and vow to never do it again.

Take Sarah*. She cheated, and then her boyfriend cheated on her right back. It was brutal, but it’s made their relationship stronger.

‘I was on an intense course with a handful of other people – we all became best friends, siblings almost, so we spent a lot of time together,’ Emily explains. ‘And where there’s hard work, there’s partying.

‘I was doing this while my boyfriend of about 18 months was living in London, we’d been long-distance right from the start and saw each other every six weeks.

‘One night I was partying with them, and I was so drunk, horny, and missed my boyfriend so much I kissed some random guy. I don’t even remember what he looked like.

‘I immediately felt so, so guilty. I’d been really badly cheated on before and remember the heartbreak I felt from it, and couldn’t bear the thought of hurting the person I loved.

(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

‘I came clean the next day and we cried, a lot. He ignored me for a few days, then we soon saw each other and worked it out.

‘I don’t think I can justify the cheating really. It was a stupid moment in which I was blackout drunk and really missed that feeling of being loved and wanted. My friends were getting it all around me, and my boyfriend was hundreds of miles away. It was easy.

‘Being cheated on affected me to the point where I still suffer with anxiety, depression. My boyfriend cheated on me a few months later, probably because the cheating really affected him on an emotional level, not because he wanted to get back at me. I was lucky the guilt consumed him and he told me the same night, he was so, so upset – he even threw all his clothes away that he was wearing on the night.

‘Cheating has made me realise that you need to work for your relationships, and sometimes people f*** up but that’s okay.

‘I’m getting married to him now, and I really believe those drunken kisses have been the making of us. We’re brutally honest with each other, which he made me trust and love him even more.’

People cheat for all kinds of reasons. They’re upset with their partner, they’re trying to find a way to cope with stress, they want to end a relationship but don’t know how to do it, they’re unbearably horny, or they’re working out their own boundaries when it comes to monogamy. Just as each relationship is a unique set of people’s emotional baggage, timing, and circumstance, every cheating incident is different, too.

The key is talking through it, regardless of the outcome.

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Why do people cheat?

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If you’ve been cheated on and need to know why, the best way to get answers is to ask the person who did it – just be prepared that they may not have the answers, or their answers might not make sense to you.

When you’ve been faithful it can be hard to get your head around using infidelity as a reaction to a stressful time or a different emotional trigger, which is why drawn out conversations about cheating can end up going round in circles.

The key thing to know is that people don’t get cheated on because there’s something objectively awful about them, or because they’re not good enough. There’s nearly always something deeper going on.

A person who cheats isn’t thinking rationally and without emotion. They’re dealing with conflicting, complicated emotions that they don’t know how to handle.

It’s up to you to decide if cheating in reaction to those emotions is acceptable, if it’s a one-time thing, and if it’s something you can move on from. But for both parties, honest, open communication and a proper think about why cheating has happened is essential.

*Names have been changed.

MORE: People having affairs tend to keep having sex with the partner they’re cheating on

MORE: These are the signs that your partner is cheating on you

MORE: ‘I dreaded his return home from work trips’: 5 men and women tell us why they cheated

[lmfitnessuk]

There is something that you probably do not know about me…. Something which happened in June 2017 and answered a lot of questions relating to the way I had been feeling for quite some time.

My story actually begins back in February 2016, when I fell really ill with what I thought was a bad case of flu, but what the lovely doctor at the Emergency Out of Hours Clinic thought was Appendicitis! Quite a big difference between the two I think you’ll agree!

He referred me straight to the A&E department, where I was later admitted to a ward and kept in for three days. On the Second Day I was taken to theatre to have my appendix removed, which was when the games began.

The following morning, I was visited by the consultant, who informed me that my appendix was still very much in my body and healthy. So he just labelled my illness as P.I.D. This later turned out to actually be a bad infection within my Fallopian tube.

No more questions were asked at the time, and I was sent home with lots of antibiotics and was told to rest & recover. Which I did!

The antibiotics were awful, and made me feel just as bad as I had prior to surgery. In fact, I’d liken it to that stage of drunk when you know you are so far drunk that double vision & dizziness kicks in…. just without the fun!

After Recovery!

Once I had recovered and was back to full health, which was a good three months or so after the surgery, I started asking lots of questions, why, what, what if and so on… But there was a lot going on in my life at that moment in time, A house move, a cancer scare (which is another story) and a well deserved holiday. It was shortly after my holiday, that I found out that there was a Gynaecologist at my local GP surgery, so I made an appointment and went to see her for a chat. This was probably about November 2016.

She agreed that P.I.D. was a rather vague diagnosis, and probably meant “we’re not sure”. It could potentially cover many different problems! So she referred me to a specialist gynaecologist for a second opinion.

This took quite some time to come through, but I eventually went to see him in February 2017, nearly a year to the day after the initial surgery had happened.

We talked it through and he asked me to come back a few weeks later for ultrasound tests. Back to waiting again!

Then eventually in March 2017, I went to see him and following the ultrasound, he informed me that one of my Fallopian tubes looked as though it may be blocked. So he wanted to go for an exploratory laparoscopy. Oh joy… more surgery. At least this time I wasn’t feeling ill as well.

Again, this took time to come through, as most things do with the NHS, and to accommodate his busy schedule and my travel arrangements, we opted for July 2017 for the surgery. A year & a half after the initial surgery.

I was really lucky, the gynaecologist who I was being treated by is one of the best in the area, and he wanted to see me at the local private hospital rather than the general.

The Diagnosis

I went into hospital, thirsty, hot & hungry. it was a hot summers day, the sun was shining bright & I wasn’t allowed to eat or drink anything. The nurses were lovely, the private room wasn’t too shabby and I was being offered options for my post surgery meal? I wasn’t use to this, normally it is tea & plain toast!

I put in my food order, did my wee sample (which was a challenge after not drinking all day), and waited my turn.

After the surgery, I was allowed to recover in my own private room, which was nice, as my partner was sat there waiting for me. Shortly after I returned to my room, the consultant came around and told us what he had found… Obviously I was a little out of it still, but I got the gist.

Fallopian tube blocked & damaged

Some kind of scarring damage to the outside of my Liver (still don’t know what this is from)

Endometriosis

Incredibly unlikely that I will ever have children without IVF, which even still will be challenging.

I went home shortly after this, and finished recovery in the comfort of my own home. 

The Follow Up

Six weeks later, I went back to see the gynaecologist, who explained everything in more detail to me. He even showed me photographs of my innards (which was REALLY strange) and talked about what next.

He explained what Endometriosis is, and how it is an incurable condition. In fact, doctors do not even really know what causes it, or why it happens.

I left the hospital that day reassured, and armed with the answers that I had been seeking since my original surgery. The diagnosis had actually answered a lot of questions that I had about how I had been feeling, the stomach pains and period cramps, aches, discomfort, the Fatigue and the general lack of Oomph.

I finally knew that it wasn’t in my head, and these symptoms were actually something. And, now I could work to relieve them and get back to normal…. well, almost normal.

The only problem I have with doctors, is when you ask them “what next” or “how long” or “when should I”…. they always respond as though you are an everyday 9-5 kind of person, sitting behind a desk, answering phones and using a computer. So their answers rarely apply to me as a fitness professional.

How Did It Affect Me?

At first, things didn’t really affect me too much. I still had the fatigue, the cramps and the general discomfort. The gynaecologist had warned me that symptoms may worsen over time, so I was waiting and expecting things to get worse before they got better again. But I hadn’t anticipated quite what.

I have always been blessed with really regular cycles, and they have NEVER stopped or prevented me from doing anything. So when the cramps started to worsen, I know I was in for a bit of a bumpy ride. One particular month, I think September 2017, the pain was so unbearable, that I had to call off a few engagements, and skip the gym. I could barely stand up straight, let alone train.

Then, the flow started to increase, it was getting so bad, that I was constantly in fear of accidents (and ladies, you know what I mean). Again, the one thing that suffered was my training! I started missing workouts, and darn those chocolate cravings. I had to control my urges to binge on chocolate cake so much! And I felt like such a hypocrite as a nutrition coach & trainer. This was getting me down.

I was suffering severe bloating, headaches, crippling cramps, heavy flows & although these were quite bad, the worst symptom of all was not the periods. It was the fatigue. I constantly felt exhausted, I had zero energy and all I wanted to do was sleep. This was NOT me! I am usually the one with all the energy!

I even had to change my more physical fitness classes so that I didn’t have to participate, just in case I was having a “Low Ebb” day.

Eventually in January 2018, I decided I had to take control of things. It all had to change!

So, I started investigating and researching things on the web. I know that not all information on the web is correct, but I did come across a book written by a doctor, a gynaecologist who specialises in Endometriosis.

It wasn’t a cheap book, nor a small “read in a few hours” type of book, but I ordered it from Amazon and as soon as it arrived I delved in.

The information was incredibly in-depth, and helpful. Firstly, exercise is useful for endometriosis, it can help to improve your energy, so I started making efforts to increase the intensity of my exercise back up.

I changed my classes back, so I could participate if I felt up to it, but also just shout instructions if I didn’t. I started lifting weights again!

I upped the amount of water I was drinking and started to reduce the amount of alcohol I consumed. I cleaned up my diet, and even though it was not bad, I removed a few naughties.

Then, I started to remove milk from my diet and that was when the real changes started, You can read more about this in my blog How cutting out Milk changed everything!

Since then, I have felt better than I have done in years, and my last cycle was, well it was better than usual. So I truly hope that this improvement continues.

I started to log my nutrition, my activity & how I was feeling in the Success Diary, Which allowed me to pick up on any patterns, certain times of the month and/or certain feelings/pains, emotions, highs &/or lows. It has massively helped me to set out goals, plans & improve my own health & state of mind. 

I started to utilise all of the tools that I had created for my PT clients, in my own journey. The only difference being that I was not trying to lose weight, I was trying to manage this condition.

Now, it’s been a little over a month since I started to cut out alcohol and milk. I have also reduced the amount of red meat I eat.

And the changes in my energy, digestion, bloating and so much more are huge.

I genuinely haven’t felt this good for ages!

As a fitness professional dealing with Endometriosis, it has been a hard slog. But I embrace the challenge and am confident that nutrition and fitness will enable me to manage the symptoms. But I have decided to keep a little part of my blog to one side, reserved for this journey specifically, to hopefully offer some help to all of the women suffering, whether they are fitness professionals or not.

We all deserve to be happy & comfortable in our bodies!!!

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Find your Happy Place! Follow me on Social Media for all your Fitness, Nutrition & Mindset information:

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If you want to know more about my Successful Mindset Online Programme, then you can enrol on Udemy today and get to work on achieving exactly what you want in life – whether it is fitness, weight loss or a huge surge in your self esteem and confidence. The course, WILL serve you what you need.

But, if you are more of a physical kind of person, and enjoy a good book in your hands, then you can pick up The Success Diary on Amazon Here.

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If you would like more help with transforming your body, then please visit either http://www.lmfitness.info and claim your free Breakthrough Call, so we can start to work through what may be holding you back, what your personal goals are and what actions you may need to take in order to start seeing the results that you desire.

Dealing with Endometriosis as a Fitpro There is something that you probably do not know about me.... Something which happened in June 2017 and answered a lot of questions relating to the way I had been feeling for quite some time.

[homme-in-um]

Deposition of The Stag

Irish cinema is a unique and invaluable cultural export. Like many aspects of our culture, it’s hard to define exactly what brings a sense of ‘’Irishness’’ to a piece of art . Irishness in cinema utilizes the tools of absurdity, cynicism, dark-humor, sincerity and a gloomy, fable-esque tone. We are great storytellers, as twee as that sounds; look to Calvary, Young Offenders, Intermission, Give up Yer Oul Sins, The Guard. Don’t look to 2013’s The Stag. The marketing this thing got you’d think it was the first Irish comedy ever made.The horrifying thing is, I’m sure many believed that. Designed , as the many comparisons before and after its release would suggest, as an Irish The Hangover, The Stag seemingly recognizes the many elements that often come together to make a distinctly Irish movie so great, but dilutes and cobbles them together in such a frankenstein-ed manner to leave me sure the driving creative force behind this movie was the suitiest hollywoodian producer who ever produced , or an overeager southside film graduate. It is a vapid , humorless attempt to cash in on the success of its national peers .I do not like this movie, that’s hopefully clear unless I’m generally more curmudgeon than I thought I was. What really infuriates me is how inoffensive this movie seems to have been to everyone else. When I went to find solace in common opinion , I was even more horrified to find that reviews are overwhelmingly positive for The Stag. Mark Kermode of the Observer wrote ‘’A stag weekend gone wrong is the basis for a surprising amount of comic depth, minus the excesses of the Hangover franchise’’. ‘’Perfectly executed, and deeper than you may think’’ writes stuart-comerford of the first imdb review that appears. This thing got 81 percent on rotten tomatoes. The overwhelming response of the public is a ‘’fair play’’ smile and pat on the head , with an over-use of the term ‘’warm’’. Movies that I don’t like are ok, subjective medium and all that. Movies can be objectively bad and still be great- I’m looking at you The Scorpion King- but a movie that fails due to slovenliness and the underestimation of the movie going public's standards deserves bile, failure and angry blog posts.

This is a movie that falls sub-par from even professional quality on almost every count. Even those who sing it’s praises seem to recognize that lambasting these complaints as snobbish and high brow to the point that I got suspicious this was bought advertisement- a claim which I’m still pretty sure of in spite of being too lazy and bereft of evidence to back up. When I first saw The Stag in the cinema, within the first half an hour my defences were already way up. The movie, rightfully, supplements its run-time with establishing shots aplenty. No complaints on that score. The more time spent looking at Irish countryside or rainy Dublin streets the better, especially if it’s less time spent cringing through Andrew Scott careening between phoning in his performance and chewing the scenery in an attempt to make up for lost acting ability. The tricky thing about the admittedly beautiful use of Ireland as backdrop is that it jars with almost every interior scene, the lighting options of which seem to fall somewhere from 80’s soft-core porn to (poorly produced) internet sketch comedy videos in quality. This might seem pretty snobbish, but I guarantee you’ll notice it if you ever watch the film. Lighting is one of many fundamentals that this movie seriously drops the ball on, and as with any fundamentals, if it was done right, you’d never notice it.

No one goes into a movie to hate it. I consume media, cinema in particular like digestive biscuits. Most of us, whether we know it or not will give the benefit of the doubt for quality, story, performances and humor because we want to hear the story out. There’s no ‘’in’’ here, not a single likeable character to follow through the story although they all jostle desperately for position.

Finnán, Protagonist; spineless, unlikable, irrelevant lampooning of a ‘’metrosexual’’(we’re onto hipsters now surely, and even by 2013 that was getting old).

Davin , Protagonist?Antagonist?; Basically a rehashing of Finnán. Gets most of the jokes that would I suppose help the audience connect but for the smugness of it all.

The Machine, Antagonist?Probably?; Over the top , on the nose caricature of a grown up D4 head. Maybe I have a soft spot for the character but Peter McDonald, co-writer of The Stag, does an alright job. The faux-wisdom pumped out of The Machine is a pain, but there are real moments of emotion and comedy of which he is the linchpin. Does require an awful lot of shite-talk to get to ,which would be pretty unbearable but then a lot of D4 heads are that ridiculous, so fair dues.

The Rest?, ? ; I dunno, you watch it and tell me anything about any of the characters.

The script is chocked full of jokes so weak the cast trying to laugh together at them provide some of the best performances. It’s a masterclass in exposition. These two factors combined give the impression this movie went through several iterations of everything from actual comedy to drama to indie- any of the above. Then there’s the finale. Tacked on about three scene’s late after an over emotional punch the finale features Peter McDonald-the co-writer and comedic locus of this piece, giving a monologue about OIRland, how we’ve lost our way ( ‘’The Money, The Church’’- spare me) and, to finish this faux-Irish resolution, sings U2 to a delighted wedding party. Now, I understand that our constant U2 abuse as a contemporary nation is a trope the film attempts to lampoon in one of it’s unconfident , unfunny running gags, but even that is only tangentially relevant to Irish culture. Part of the viewer , if they’re anything as jaded as I am, has to find this ending oddly satisfying; a truly woeful cherry on this rum raisin ice-cream*.

*Insert your least favorite ice-cream here, I don’t want to pigeonhole all of us.

It frankly shocks me every time I sit through The Stag how no one person working on this mess of a project stopped what was happening. The actors are all Irish actors- one of their fathers is one of our most well respected. The crew , it being an Irish feature, are part of the amazing culture of cinema made here. How this turkey got signed off by any of them is beyond me. It did though, it did it’s stint in cinema( where yours truly paid actual money to see it)and now sits inoffensively online for consumption. And consume it I do. I’ve seen this movie probably about 4 times now. It makes me physically angry each time but I persevere to better understand exactly how to make and spot a hot turd of a film. It is of course, easier to critique than to do , but even the critics have failed us as an audience on this score. My crusade is to correct this. I will not let go of how terrible this movie is, and I will study it and rage against it to anyone who will listen to set the record straight. I’m watching it so you don’t have to. Or at least, don’t pay for it.