#even though he sucks at fashion LMAO

[jeoseungsaja]

And, despite the pain you went through, you still have mellow eyes; you still have helping hands; you still irradiate warmth; you still have a a gentle heart. And, despite it all, you still have the courage to be kind.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PATRICK MYUNGDAE GRACE ❤️📖🧩!!! (@clemencetaught)

[tinystarbites]

accidents pt. II | Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Summary: during a long case away, Spencer accidentally sees Reader's nudes on her phone and can't cope because he is a MESS for reader whoops pt.II The Reckoning /j, this is basically just 10k words of porn with feelings yikes

Warnings: SMUT MDNI, 18+ only, fem!reader, fluff, some angst (still Spencer feeling he isn't good enough 😔), EMOTIONSSS, Spencer STILL loves you so much, he gets a hug, and so much more!, talk about sex, detailed asking for CONSENT (be safe people), sex (piv), some frottage, uhhh what else, dirty talk, some dom/sub understones (sub!Spencer ofc), little bit allusion to subspace, Spencer discovers so many kinks in this awww we're so proud of you bby (mentioned kinks: praise kink, squint of liking being embarrassed, tiiny bit of a voyeristic thing), also I made him a virgin whoops so virgin!Spencer, proofread but prolly not perfect lol. Tell me if I'm missing any tags I am so tired

(also, Spencer will be bisexual in all of my Spencer fics because I am not a coward like the writers were and I will honour Spencer the way he was intended to)

HERE you can read pt. I, I do recommend it to have context and all but do whatever you want lmao I'm not your mother anyway have fun being completely wrecked like I was while writing this!! also thanks so so MUCH for 400 followers and almost 2k likes on the first part, you guys are the best and I hope you enjoy this fic as a thanks!!<333

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Spencer’s never sprung from his bed faster in his life before.

His heart is a jackhammer in his chest, chipping away at his ribs one bone splitter at a time because-

It’s you. In front of his door. And Spencer is so hard it hurts but- he can’t just-

“Spencer?”

He sucks in a haggard breath, hands reaching up and messing up his hair even more. His thoughts are everywhere and nowhere at once and he just needs to- needs just a moment to-

“Uh, yeah, just a second!”, he calls back, voice scratchy and used from the- the moaning Jesus Christ because he was about to come with your mental image and he somehow, magically, managed to apparently conjure you up in front of his door with his pathetic pining and oh god-

He has to- ugh- has to wash his hands and make it go away and –

“Okay, I’ll just…chill with that weird plant here.”

An overwhelmed whimper slips past his lips and he just, stands there for at least another five seconds before something in his mind snaps back into place and he rushes to the small, adjacent bathroom of his room.

After he thoroughly washed his hands, his erection has flagged off enough so that it’s not the first thing greeting you when he opens the door and thank god for that.

And oh- seeing you after doing that actually knocks the wind out of his lungs because you are just so goddamn lovely it makes Spencer want to do stupid, stupid things like cry or kiss you or spontaneously combust into a million pieces.

For once, he does something okay-ishly sensible though.

“Hi.”

You look at him, one eyebrow raised in amusement or scepticism, he doesn’t know for sure. Your eyes hold mirthful sparkles in them when he finally manages to meet your gaze, so he settles for the former of the two options.

You’re not wearing your work clothes anymore. Rather, you went for a cozy looking, oversized sweater and funkily patterned leggings. Your fashion sense outside of work always reminded Spencer of Penelope’s.

“Hi to yourself”, you chuckle, “Can I come in or are you too busy reading ten books at once?”

Spencer feels himself flush under your gentle teasing.

“Only seven books. But, yes, of course you can come in.”

He turns out of the way, creating room for you to pass him into his room. As soon as you are inside, you don’t hesitate to jump onto his bed and flop on your back with your arms spread wide.

Spencer’s breath hitches and he has to do some very extensive mental gymnastics to supress all the inappropriate thoughts from escaping the box he banished them into. Controlling his body’s response to seeing you in the same bed he was just jacking off in is… a different story. He pulls down the hem of his shirt as discreetly as possible, as he takes a seat next to you. Making sure that there is not too much distance between you two as to raise any suspicion and make it obvious he’s trying to get some distance between you, but also enough space so that he isn’t enticed to do anything unwise. Like, reach out and feel your warmth underneath his fingers. Or the softness of your skin. Or anything else really.

The more seconds tick by in which neither of you say anything, the more nervous Spencer becomes. He starts fiddling around with his fingers, aborting more than one move to steal a glance at your face to see what you’re thinking.

“Spencer”, you then finally say, voice kind of pout-y and if that didn’t make Spencer whip his head around to face you, the next thing you say for sure does. “Do you hate me?”

“Wha-“, he sputters your name, “No- no! Of course, I don’t- whe- why would you think that?”

You let out an exasperated groan, moving around until you are lying on your side, head propped up on your arm and frowning up at him. “Because you’ve been acting hella weird these last few days and you won’t tell me whyyyy”, you drag out the last syllable, pout on your lips and Spencer has to look up at the ceiling or else he’s just going to confess everything without second thought and that will definitely not happen.

“I haven’t been acting weird, really, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

You remain silent again and Spencer feels the judging glare you send his way without having to look at you. Yes, he has been acting weird, he knows that, but you can never ever know the reason why tha-

“Is it because you saw my nudes?”

Spencer almost breaks his neck with how fast he whips his head down to look at you again. A strangled noise escapes him without permission and what. What.

“Because, that would actually explain so much, especially the way you’ve been acting and really, that’s probably on me because I’ve always been telling myself to put them behind a password block but I somehow always manage to forget that because apparently I have only one braincell left that’s stuck spinning on the deep-fried version of Funky Town and well, I guess I’m glad it was you that found them and not someone else and-“

“What? No, no, I didn’t- What- that’s not- what-“, Spencer cuts off your rambling with a horrified, screeched version of a protest because how- how could you have guessed what’s going on with just one try? Is Spencer so- so absolutely besotted with you that he’s so obvious? Spencer is so very confused and overwhelmed with whatever the hell is going on, he kind of misses the slight twitching of your mouth.

“Come on, Spencer. I said it’s fine and basically my own fault. Uh- well, actually… sorry. Because, well, that’s probably not very work-appropriate… I will pay for your therapy session, just send me the bill.”

Spencer thought he’d reached the limits of confusion seconds ago but apparently, he hadn’t. What. What are you even saying?

“Therapy sessions?”

You just- ignore him.

“Oh, also, please don’t tell Hotch? He’ll be pissed, despite me literally just doing hot-girl shit, y’know-“

Oh, Spencer cannot take it anymore.

He says your name and, “Stop, please, please, just-“

You snap your mouth shut, pulling your lips between your teeth and Spencer definitely doesn’t miss the way you have to force your mouth to stay still this time.

“Are you- is this a joke?”, Spencer asks, frazzled and desperate and so confused he just wants to bury his head under the duvet and never come out again. Because if you don’t actually know but- are just joking around, oh Spencer is overwhelmed, alright.

Your expression changes into something panicked then. “No, no, Spencer, sorry. I’m- sorry. Of course I’m not joking, I’m so sorry. It’s just a little bit too easy to tease you. Sorry.” You actually look apologetic now, lips downturned and frowning slightly.

“Not joking- so… so, you know?”, there’s something big and anxious pressing inside of Spencer’s chest. The urge to hide away and never face daylight again intensifies tenfold. He’s flushing before he realizes, hands trembling and breathing a bit too fast to be considered normal. Oh god, you know, you actually know, you’re going to- you’re never going to speak with him again you are probably here to tell him how weird and- and-

You must’ve noticed the frenzy he is thinking himself into, because you reach out with one hand and gently nudge his thigh with one knuckle. “Spencer”, you say, voice serious and steady and not the slightest bit disgusted or harsh and it snaps him out of his anxiety spiral.

“I knew the second I walked back into that room after you basically fled the precinct. I am, really, genuinely, sorry for making you uncomfortable. Like, it wasn’t actually my intention for you to see them. And then, after I realized what… I just wanted to wait and see what you’d do, if you came to talk to me or, well…”

You sigh, the hand that nudged him ruffling through your hair.

“I didn’t handle this situation very well. I’m really sorry. So… “, you trail off, scrunching your nose in that adorable way of yours that makes Spencer want to kiss it until it scrunches even further because you’d laugh and try to fight him off.

“We can just- forget about this. Forget that it ever happened, or-“, you hesitate again.

Spencer feels suddenly breathless. Like he stands in front of a cliff face, seconds before taking the step to send himself careening towards something immeasurably great or devastatingly fatal.

“Or…?”, he breathes, voice small and unsure.

You meet his eyes again after what feels like hours. There’s something intense in them, burning, and it’s like an electric shock to Spencer’s system. He’d give anything for you to keep looking at him like that forever.

“Or”, your hand returns to his thigh, but this time you let your fingers travel along the shape of it and Spencer whimpers. The burning in your eyes intensifies and Spencer feels hot, suddenly, so hot he’s burning with it. “Or we can do something else.”

“Something else?”, Spencer basically croaks because his throat is so dry and it’s difficult for his body to function properly when you are touching him like that.

You hum in agreement. “Whatever you want. You can tell m-“

“You.”

You look a bit startled when he cuts you off with that one, desperate syllable. Startled but also endlessly amused and Spencer just- his mind is apparently turned off, what the-

You laugh quietly, and your eyes soften, and it does something to Spencer that leaves an ach-y feeling in his chest. Oh, he loves you so much he can’t take it.

“Sure. You can have me”, you say simply, as if it’s the easiest thing in the world for you to admit, “Tell me what exactly you want, because I’d give you the world if you asked.”

And suddenly there’s hot pressure behind Spencer’s eyes, at the back of his throat. You’re just- just- amazing and so lovely and so kind to him, no one has ever said something like that to him, he doesn’t know how to handle it.

Spencer blinks up to the ceiling, desperately willing these stupid unwelcome tears away because crying about you treating him kindly is so on the bottom of the list of acting casual about this, so he rather feels than sees you sitting up next to him. Your hand slips from his legs and he feels the loss of your touch as if someone sucked the marrow from his bones. Before he can say something embarrassing like ‘please touch me again’ he feels your hand covering his. It fills him with a heady kind of courage.

“I want…”, Spencer starts, feeling entirely too uncomfortable with having to state his deepest and darkest desires. There’s the old familiar urge to start picking at his nails nagging at him, but you just interlace your fingers with his and start tracing random patterns into the skin there with your thumb. Spencer melts against you and tenses up at the same time because it’s just so- so nice. It feels so nice and Spencer never thought he’d ever get to have things like that with you but you’re here. You’re here, with him, and basically offering Spencer the entire world on a silver platter but it’s still so so unfathomably difficult just saying what he so badly wants.

“You want…?”, you hum slightly, voice soft and so tender as you continue painting patterns on his skin and Spencer would literally die for you. And that’s the entire problem. Spencer doesn’t know if you’d do the same. Well. Maybe not die die for him but. He can’t just sleep with you, and it not meaning anything to you. It would kill him. It would kill him, if after you give him tenderness and pleasure and acceptance in a way he’s never dreamed of receiving, you would go back to normal. Always politely distanced, close, but never close enough and it already twists his chest just thinking of that possibility.

“I just-“, he tries again, but when the words are stuck in his throat, sticky molten sugar that tastes like bile and fear, he pulls out of your grip and buries his face in his hands. He’s so bad at this. He’s the worst. No wonder he’s never had- had something like Morgan has, one night stand after one night stand (not that he particularly wants that, god no, but just-) because Spencer is just so bad at spilling all of the things that plague his gut and keep his thoughts in overdrive at night. No wonder he’s never even had a girlfriend or boyfriend before.

“Hey, hey, Spencer”, he feels your hands cupping his own, still over his face. Not taking them away, but just – there. “It’s alright, penguin, we can always come back to this another time. I’ll wait.”

Spencer’s face crumples and his breath hitches a little because- penguin. That’s the frankly ridiculous nickname you’ve been using for him ever since he apparently once looked like one, with that white scarf and knee-length black coat he wore during one of your cases where a blizzard surprised not only the team, but also the unsub. Spencer, like most of you, wasn’t prepared and thus, had to make do with what the helpful officers provided them with. And well, Spencer drew the penguin stick it seemed.

It’s ridiculous but sweet and it always makes him feel so loved, loved by you, because it’s adorable and theirs and he just loves it irrationally much, okay? And also, penguins are just really fascinating because-

“Did you know that most penguins live monogamously? The Emperor penguin is actually one of the only ones that mate seasonally, they only have one mate per breeding season. But most others have a mate for life, like, like swans and bald eagles.”

Before Spencer even opened his mouth, he was aware of the fact he was going to ramble on about some unimportant stuff. It’s always like this, it always feels like a breath he’s been holding in for too long, like an itch somewhere in his weird brain that only stops when he opens his mouth and infodumps and he cannot stop it. No matter how consciously he is telling himself to cut it out or screaming at himself to shut the fuck up you weirdo, it’s unavoidable. As soon as his brain latches onto a statistic or a fact it is reminded of, it’s an unstoppable force.

Like now. He is kicking himself. Why, oh why can’t he ever be normal? He feels himself flushing bright red from embarrassment and shame and frustration. He can’t believe he is rambling about birds while- while whatever the hell you two are doing right now. While in the middle of a conversation that started out with you confronting him about him seeing your nudes, jesus christ.

Spencer is about to suffocate himself with a pillow when you let out a graceless snort.

It confuses Spencer so much he lowers his hands to look at you and- oh.

Your eyes are shining with something that looks so close to what he would call affection, and it makes him want to bawl his eyes out and at the same time, smile so hard there’ll be laugh lines on his cheeks for the rest of the week.

“Well, that fits perfectly then”, you say, and Spencer doesn’t understand.

“What do you mean?”

You smile just a little wider, a little more teasingly but in a nice way, in a kind way and it leaves Spencer’s chest blooming with warmth.

“If you’re my penguin, I’ll be your penguin.”

Youryouryouryouryour-

Spencer feels entirely braindead. Only the fact that you called him yours registers. Because yes. Yes. Spencer is so yours he’d gladly let you make every decision for him from now on in his life and yes. That’s not exactly a very normal thing to think. Or to want. Spencer doesn’t care. He’s never felt normal about you for a day in his life and he definitely won’t start now.

“You- you mean- like, as, as mates?”

You scrunch your nose in disgust. “If you want to call us that, I think I’ll take back my offer.”

It punches a giggle out of Spencer, sudden and kind of light-headed. He watches your face break into a wide grin.

“But you- you’d like that?” You’d like me?

You pull a face, sniffing in a nonchalant way, direct your face to your nails in fake disinterest.

“Sure. Whatever.”

And Spencer can’t help himself. He sobs out a laugh- laughs out a sob or, whatever that weird noise he makes is, because you’re so ridiculous and he loves you more than anything in the world.

You roll your eyes, fondly, shake your head slightly.

“Of course, Spencer. I’d like that very much because I like you a very unnormal amount. Literally. On my knees, crying, screaming etcetera”, you say just like that, smiling just like that.

Spencer feels like he’s dreaming. He must be. There’s no other explanation for it. He just can’t wrap his head around the fact that you could like him. You. You’re so, so lovely and amazing and you deserve everything good in this world and Spencer is just. Spencer.

“You- you like me? Me?”, Spencer can’t hide the incredulous tone that seeps into his questions because you like him?

There’s no traces of humour in your eyes anymore. Your eyes look painfully honest, face suddenly serious, and it steals Spencer’s breath away.

You lean closer to him again, grabbing his hands with yours. Your gaze bores itself into his, intense and steady and he can’t look away. “Spencer. I know it’s- I know life has been hard on you for way too long. And that leaves its marks on you. That’s fine. It’s human. But. You do not deserve any less love because of that, do you understand me? Of course I like you, what isn’t there to like? You’re kind and funny and sweet and just so- Spencer. You’re so lovable and it kills me to know that you don’t see how you are so worthy of being loved.”

Oh.

Oh.

You can’t just- can’t just say things like that and expect him to not cry a little. Can’t expect him to act completely nonchalant and cool about all of this when you say things like that to him. Are you trying to kill him? Because it sure does feel like that.

Spencer is so completely at a loss. He doesn’t know what to say to that- not to mention what to do. How do you always do this? How can you see straight to the hidden, bruised core of him, littered with all these ugly and bad things and. Just. Figure out what to say to strike him exactly there.

It should scare him, being known so deeply. It should, but it doesn’t because it’s you. You are warmth and acceptance like his favourite place in front of a fireplace, book in hand and rain gently knocking against windows. You are quiet mornings at work, you are soft rays of sunlight in his hair, you are gentle hands helping you up when you fall and bruise your knees. You are –

A touch to his cheek startles him. He opens his eyes – when did he close them? – to your fingers brushing some stray tears away, so softly as if he’s something precious, something to be held delicately. That thought sends new tears spilling down his cheek. He can’t believe this is affecting him so much, so completely he simultaneously feels like he is going to shatter and be stitched back together again.

He never knew he needed this so much.

“Sorry for making you cry, penguin. I didn’t think this discussion about my lack of nude etiquette would get this emotionally damaging”, you say, voice hushed in the big silence of the room, a small smile on your lips and eyes so kind.

Spencer snorts, despite himself. This has really been a very bizarre evening. He feels almost drunk on the weirdness of it all, on the rollercoaster that his emotions have ridden all evening. That’s probably why he does what he does next.  

“Neither did I, especially after you interrupted me while I wa-“

Spencer shuts his mouth so fast he clicks his teeth together, eyes wide and suddenly horrified. He- what-

Why?

Why can’t Spencer ever keep his big mouth shut? Is he completely and utterly insane?

There’re alarm bells going off somewhere in Spencer’s head and a concerning warmth settling deep in his stomach when your grin takes on a slightly devilish edge, one he knows all too well and. And. Oh. He’s in trouble. So much trouble. Why did he have to say that?

“After I interrupted you while?”, you prompt him, eyes electric and hot and oh god-

Spencer is so dumb. An idiot. Of the highest order. High IQ, where?

“Nothing”, he says, voice high-pitched and rushed and he curses himself and his ability to act everything else but nonchalant. He’d be the worst actor of all time.

“Spencer.”

The tone of your voice rearranges something in his neurons. He can feel himself sit up just that little bit straighter, can feel his mind buzz at the edges. He’s never felt like this before.

He loves it.

“Hmm?”, is all he gets out. Trouble, so much trouble.

Suddenly you’re standing up, away from him and Spencer wants to whine because you should stay there next to him, forever fixed to his side. He doesn’t have to despair long, because you take one of your knees and gently nudge his legs apart with it and okay. Okay. That definitely didn’t just send Spencer’s mind reeling. That wasn’t just totally the hottest thing that ever happened to him.

You slot yourself between his legs as if you own that space and. In his humble opinion, you do. You so do. Spencer is willing to give you a map of his entire body and a marker and tell you to please demarcate every part of him you want. He’d give it to you, no questions asked.

He is looking up at you, at your burning eyes that still hold something so soft in them that makes the lump in his throat bigger again. And by god, Spencer just needs to hear you say it again-

“You like me?”

You move closer to him, lifting one hand and placing it underneath his chin. Your thumb traces along his jaw and Spencer feels like he is going to burst into a million embarrassed pieces.

“Yes”, you say simply, but the way you say it. Spencer can’t help but shiver and exhale shakily. He feels so warm, everywhere. His skin burns where your fingers are touching him. He never wants this to stop.

“You- You want me?”

Your hand grips his face a little stronger, your other fingers splaying over and down his throat and there’s a high noise coming from somewhere and there’s goosebumps on his body everywhere and oh, wait- it’s him. The noise. Well, how embarrassing but. He doesn’t care. Nope. Not at all.

…Okay maybe a little. His face feels warm, suddenly, warmer than the rest of him and yes. He’s blushing, okay?

“Spencer”, the way you say his name it- god, “I want you. I said it before, but. I will give you anything. Tell me what you want, Spencer, and you will get it from me.”

Your eyes are so dark and your voice so low and Spencer actually whines and. He’s hard again, so hard, because he didn’t come before and now, he’s even more pent-up and his thoughts are a mess, but you haven’t even touched him more than this and he’s already so worked up from you just saying these things to him-

“I want you”, Spencer pants, currently finding no other English words in the dictionary of his mind. And well. Emily was right about him. IQ slashed to zero when pretty person do thing.

He watches you take a deep breath, as if to steady yourself, as if this whole thing is affecting you as much as it affects him but that’s- ridiculous. Impossible. Because. Have you seen yourself?

“I know that, Spencer. But what do you want from me? Do you want me to kiss you?”, you ask, face suddenly so close to his Spencer feels your breath fan over his skin, and he whimpers because yes he wants that wants that- “Do you want me to touch you more?”, your other hand grabs his side, gentle but just a little bit roughly and Spencer is suddenly vividly reminded of the fact how strong you are and he feels kind of lightheaded-

“Do you want me to fuck you, Spencer?”

Spencer is going to pass out. And die. And moan and say, “Please yes yes yes”. Maybe not in that particular order.

“Okay, angel, anything you want”, you say, smiling softly at him as if he’s the best thing in the world and angel. Angel. Angel.

Before he’s even started to process you calling him angel, he sees a glint in your eyes, that edge in your smile again and before he knows what’s happening, you’re kissing him.

You’re kissing him and it’s- everything.

Your mouth is soft against his, and Spencer’s insides twist and flutter and his brain is kind of lagging behind, but he wants to be closerclosercloser-

It’s so good Spencer completely blanks on everything. There’s nothing in his mind except the feel of your lips moving against his. There’s no insecurity, no embarrassment tainting this moment even though this is literally like, only the sixth kiss or so of Spencer’s life and he has no idea what he is doing. But it’s so good.

A noise somewhere between a moan and a whimper escapes him when you lick into his mouth and Spencer’s soul almost leaves his body. He feels you shudder where you are pressed together, chest to chest.

“Spencer, Spencer”, you breathe against his lips, in between wet, hot, kisses. You rub your nose against his, eyes closed.

“Hmm?”, he hums, his voice somewhere in Canada or wherever. His mouth is too busy smiling so wide it hurts, anyways. No time for articulating anything.

“You’re amazing, Spencer, amazing.”

And he wants to shake his head, no, because the only one amazing here is you. But it’s impossible to disagree with you when your mouth has returned to his in a way that is probably ruining him for anyone else. (He’s okay with that.)

You peck him on the lips once, twice more, before you press your lips against his jaw, exactly where you had your fingers before. Your hands are basically the only thing holding Spencer up in a sitting position, because he feels like molten chocolate in your hands. Muscles apparently forgetting to do their job and well. Who can blame them? Spencer has stopped thinking in proper sentences the moment you had walked into his life, so. Only a matter of time until you broke the rest of him as well.

You kiss his neck and Spencer gasps. It’s really been a hot minute - three years, one hundred, twenty-one days and twenty hours to be exact – the last time he made out with someone. Everything feels heightened on his heated skin, especially you opening your mouth against him and licking him oh god-

It almost feels like a reward when you gently bite at his skin next. Spencer almost screams.

“So good, so so good for me”, he hears you whisper into the skin of his neck and this time, Spencer does make a noise. Because yes. He wants that. Be good for you. That’s the only thing in his fuzzy mind that feels clear, that feels graspable.

He can see your pupils dilate. Can see the wicked lilt to your lips. “You like being good for me, don’t you, angel?”

ANGEL. Spencer is nodding his head before he knows he does so. “Yes, yes.”

“Fuck”, he hears you breathe against him and it’s strange, seeing the effect he has on you. Did really he do that? “I can’t believe how incredible you are, sweetheart.”

And you need to stop. If you keep calling Spencer these things- he’s pretty sure he won’t survive this. The team would need to find another genius to solve cases with. His cactus Greg would dry out and wilt and die. You and Penelope would need to find another victim to send confusing memes to.

“Did you like my pictures, Spencer?”, you then ask and that’s so not fair. You can’t just ask him that while he’s so utterly in your hands that he’s sure he’d tell you about every little fantasy he’s had about you ever if you asked.

Because Spencer wants to be good, feels that need so deeply in his bones, he nods frantically. “Yes, I- I liked them.”

At the same time the words leave his mouth, something feels wrong. There’s an ugly thing twisting in his stomach, so unpleasant it momentarily occludes the high-octane bliss-fuzz fogging up his mind.

You notice the shift in mood almost immediately. “What’s wrong, angel?”

And well. It’s just- that guilt. Of not saying anything to you about Spencer seeing your nudes, of just ogling you like that without your permission. That wasn’t very good of him. Actually, the opposite. He’s been bad and he hates that. Hates that so severely that there’s suddenly tears on his cheeks and oh no. That’s mortifying. Who cries before sex? Jesus Christ he’s such a virgin it is genuinely embarrassing.

“I’m- I’m sorry”, he stutters, a little bit hysterical, creating distance between you, arms slung around himself, “I should’ve, should’ve said something, I’m so so sorry, I’m the worst friend and now I’m- I’m crying, oh god, I’m so sorry-“

“Hey, hey hey whoa. Spencer, darling. Penguin. Look at me, please?”

But he shakes his head. He doesn’t deserve to look at you again. What was he even thinking? He was- so creepy and now- now-

Two warm hands grab his face and then Spencer is looking into your eyes again. He squeezes his own shut, but all that it does is send more tears spilling over his cheeks and he’s so fucking stupid-

“Baby, please.”

Spencer sobs.

Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. That’s the best thing he has ever heard but he doesn’t deserve these things.

“Of course you deserve it, silly goose”, you say and oh. He’s said that out loud.

Your thumbs brush over his cheeks and Spencer can’t not lean into your touch, despite everything. Because that’s just the way it always is. He’s drawn to your warmth and tenderness like a moon revolves around its planet.

“I thought we’d established that it was an accident? And if it was someone’s fault, then mine, because no password, remember?”

Spencer opens his eyes. The deep affection swimming in yours makes him sob again. He’s a mess. A crying, horny mess and Spencer definitely fucked this up. Why does Spencer always ruin the few good things in his life?

“Spencer, Spencer. Hey. It’s okay, I promise you. We wouldn’t be doing this, if it wasn’t, okay?”, you kiss his nose. “Do you want to lay down, maybe?”

He nods, not really thinking clearly. He moves up the bed, under the covers and curls up on his side. He waits for you to get up from the bed, for you to walk over to the door and leave. To say that this was a mistake, he was a mistake. To say that you take back everything you said to him in the last half hour.

He’s not just a little surprised to feel your weight dip the mattress, to feel even more sudden warmth engulf him when you spoon him from behind. You start tracing swirly patterns over the skin of his arm and he feels goosebumps spread all over his body.

Some minutes tick by, you still holding him, when his tears have finally dried up. He doesn’t remember crying so much in one day. Spencer feels miserable.

“Do you still like me?”, he asks, and yes, it’s pathetic and stupid but. He doesn’t care if you never have sex or if you’re not going to be more than his friend now. Because the thought of you not being in his life in any capacity anymore- just no.

He can feel you freeze and take in a sharp breath. “Wha- Spencer. Of course, I still like you. I don’t care what we do, I just want to be with you. In any way you’ll have me.”

You sound so understanding and sincere and actually confused about his fear as if you’d never even think of not liking him anymore and and and-

And something in him just- snaps. He wants you, needs you so much he’s going to die if he doesn’t-

He shuffles and turns in your arms until he’s face to face with you. You look at him, eyebrow raised in question but so beautiful and lovely and you still like him-

“I want you so bad”, he says and then he presses his lips against yours again.

You respond immediately, low moan escaping you and Spencer is greedy, he wants to hear more, feel more, feel everything with you.

He’s kissing you as if he’s going to die if he ever stopped, which, yes, he absolutely would, and you kiss him back as if you can’t live without him. It makes everything become hazy again, like before, and every bad feeling suddenly feels eons away. Like he’s underwater, floaty and relaxed. Safe, he feels safe in the way you kiss him and hold him. Like you always do.

You move your kisses to his neck, sucking and biting and Spencer is moaning and moaning and can’t stop and then suddenly, you’re gone, what –

“Spencer, Spencer, wait”, you pant, out of breath and flushed and he wants to cry again, “Sorry, sorry I just-“

You frame his face in your hands, a little bit roughly. “I’m so sorry for making this so hard, you’re being so good for me, but Spencer. Have you done this before?”

Somewhere in the fog that is his minds, Spencer finds his voice. It’s high and airy but he doesn’t care. “No, no, I haven’t.”

He watches you take a deep breath, feels your fingers digging into his skin a little bit more.

“Tell me. Do you want this, Spencer?”, your voice is shaking as if you need to keep yourself in check and Spencer can’t believe he’s getting to see you like this.

“Yes”, he says because he can’t ever want anything else, and, “Please make me feel good.”

You inhale sharply, your grip on his face bordering on painful. “Spencer, you’re incredible, amazing, the best- I’ll make you feel good, okay? I’ll make you feel so good because you deserve it.”

“Yes”, Spencer is not ashamed of how whiny he sounds. No. He’s owning it now. This is his thing now, okay? He’ll gladly be your pathetic wet cat, or whatever the term was that you sometimes use to describe him with. Whatever it even means.

“Good”, you grin, and then you push on his shoulder hard and he’s on his back. And you. Sitting on top of him, thighs on either side of him. Straddling him exactly where he wants you most and he exhales a needy ‘ah’. His hypothesis of liking being manhandled is… yet to be disproven. He’s discovering so many things about himself today.

Pleasure radiates in waves from where you’re passively giving pressure to his hard cock and yeah okay. This is good. Amazing. He’s never felt better. But-

“Please.”

“Please what, angel?”

“More?”

“More what?”

Your fingers trailing along his throat and jaw, down his chest and teasing ghost-like over his nipples are not really helpful in finding the right words to what he wants. You take pity on him.

“More touch?”

Spencer nods his head, so fast he almost gets dizzy because he’s at that point again where everything feels liquid, hazy, a little bit unreal. So, speaking is already quite the task.

You smile at him as if he just solved the most difficult equation. “Doing so good, Spencer. Incredible.”

He moans. Okay. Another hypothesis to add to his ever-growing list of scientific discoveries today.

“Where do you want touch, Spencer? Here?”, there’s hands in his hair. He shakes his head.

“Hmm… Here?”, fingers drawing circles on his chest and yes, that feels nice, so nice but he wants-

“Here?”, you ground your hips down and jesus-

“Yes!”, Spencer almost chokes on the sound. Pleasure shoots up his spine and he whimpers. “Please.”

You exhale shakily, looking flush. “Okay. Because you ask so nicely.” There’re two little taps on his lower stomach through his shirt. “Do you want to take this off first? Or no?”

The way you give him the chance to say no- the way you respect his autonomy so deeply-

It’s basic human decency, yes, but it’s also the hottest thing and Spencer feels so valued and understood and safe that he’s not even hesitating when he mutters a quiet yes.

You help him sit up because he’s currently not really heir over his body like he usually is. Help his head out of the shirt and thread his arms out. And then, he’s half naked in front of you and suddenly, the doubt and insecurity that’ve been so quiet so far are back with a vengeance.

The urge to cover himself is so big it’s impossible to stop his arms from wrapping around himself.

Spencer knows he’s not ugly. He’s not that bad looking actually. Can’t be too bad if Morgan keeps insisting on calling him pretty boy, even though Spencer sometimes still has the sneaking suspicion that he’s teasing him. But his friend wouldn’t be so cruel.

But other people like to be. Pipe-cleaner, leek, straw, big-eyes. He’s heard it all before. He has matured enough and grown into himself so that these things don’t bother him like they used to. But still. Still. These things are arduous to scrub from under his skin.

Your gaze on him though- he’s never felt so, cleaned from all of these mean words before. You look- you look reverent while mapping his skin and maybe that’s the reason why he lowers his arms again.

“Spencer. You’re a dream”, you say, almost in trance. Almost as if you’re hypnotized by him, and he’s flushing. But. Being watched so intently, being admired like that. He feels his dick give an indigent twitch against your clothed core. Another thing for the list.

“So impatient”, you tut and Spencer flushes more. He thinks he’s waited long enough for this. But he doesn’t say that. If you stopped now- he would definitely combust spontaneously.

You lean down, over him. Hands trailing along his sides like you did earlier, but without any clothes between your skin and his. It’s almost too much. And not enough. He feels electrified, where you touch him. His heart is hammering against his ribs so hard you must be able to feel it. His stomach is in knots, fluttery. He’s never felt more alive.

You connect your lips to his throat, placing kiss after kiss along the arched length of it. Follow the same path with your tongue and Spencer whines, curves up against you a little. Everything feels so good Spencer is floating in it.

You shift your attention to his collarbones next, kissing but then gently biting and Spencer feels the indents of your teeth all the way through to his back and he hopes, wants, you to sink them into him so deep they’ll leave marks. So that he carries the evidence of this with him for the rest of this case, so that there’s absolutely no more doubt to who he belongs to. That thought alone makes him whimper, makes him feel that tiny little bit more lost in you.

You start kissing along his chest, down his stomach. Open mouthed, wet kisses and Spencer shivers when the places you put them feel cold after because of your spit. The lower you get, the noisier he becomes and at one point, Spencer would’ve been embarrassed. Well, he kind of is, but he’s also so turned on that the embarrassment doesn’t feel as stifling like usual. Rather, in a weird way, it makes everything hotter, and he does not own enough brain capacity right now to decipher that. But he does add it to the list.

When your face is dangerously close to the waistband of his pyjama, Spencer tenses, holds his breath. Being shirtless is one thing, but… well.

“It’s okay, Spencer. We only do as much as you feel comfortable with”, you murmur, giving a small peck to the left of his belly button. You calmingly follow his sides with your hands, smiling at him with so much affection in your eyes that Spencer feels speechless, breathless, until the tension releases his muscles again and he melts into the sheets.

“’m just…”, he tries, he really tries so hard to tell you that he wants this more than anything he’s ever wanted but that he just feels… insecure.

You kiss his stomach again. “How about we only take off the pyjama? For now? If you want to take off your underwear too later, we can still do that.”

That… that’s actually a good idea. So, he nods.

“Words, angel.”

“Yes, yes. That’s- good.”

You look so proud of him. “You’re so good, Spencer. Perfect.”

He moans embarrassingly loud. He really should be more concerned about this. About how you are basically pulling him apart, thread by thread and he just lets you, willingly. How you know which threads to pull to reduce him to a sweaty mess in what felt like 0.2 seconds.

There’s a finger dipping beneath the waistband, moving back and forth along the newly exposed skin. Your eyes watch him intently, almost predator-like. A question is in there somewhere as well and Spencer nods again.

You help him lift his hips, help him pull down the pants. Spencer is kind of busy kicking his legs a little to shake them off completely but when he looks back and down himself to where you are hyper-focused on the outline of his cock through the thin fabric he blushes.

Even more when he notices the big, dark blue splotch in front of his underwear. That’s definitely never happened before. How embarrassing.

When you look up at him again, you’re also flushed. Eyes dark, wide, voice kind of unsteady. “Spencer, Spencer, can I?”

“Please”, and then you palm him with your hand, and it feels so good it takes all of his concentration to not come on the spot. He doesn’t know if he’ll survive this until you arrive to the main thing.

It’s not the first time someone has touched him like that, but it is the first time you are doing it, and it already feels better than anything he’s ever felt before. You’re either a wizard or Spencer is just biased because he thinks everything you do is ten times better than the same thing done by someone else.

Probably the first reason.

He has his head angled back, one of his arms thrown over his eyes. If he looked at you now, he’s pretty sure, he’d come. Visual stimulation on top of physical would probably be the end of him. It’s already too much, just feeling your hand move up and down his dick in various pressures. Almost as if you are testing what he likes best, and Spencer is definitely here for it. Definitely. He’s happy to just let you experiment with him until you know all the different ways to drive him mad with pleasure with just a few moves.

Which, you apparently already figured out, judging by the way Spencer can’t form a single coherent thought anymore. It’s already, so good, so freaking good holy shit, and you’re still not touching him. Still a layer of fabric between your hand and him and he kind of- just-

“Take it off?”

You still your hand, looking up at him. You look kind of crazed, almost a little pained. It takes two deep breaths for you to process what he just asked, eyes a little unfocused before they fix Spencer to the bed with an intensity that makes him feel unfocused. “You sure, angel?”

Spencer literally can’t do anything but nod. You stay in your position for some moments longer, before you sigh out a long breath, mumbling something that suspiciously resembles you’re gonna be the death of me. Spencer misses your warmth on top of him the second you hoist yourself up. It’s kind of crazy and destitute of him. You are literally right there but he’s waited for this for so long it feels like he’s suffocating without your weight pressing him down. Which is ironic and also, insane.

Your fingers are gentle, when they move under the stretchy fabric of his underwear. Even gentler when they pull down and down and down until Spencer is entirely naked in front of you.

Oh, he feels so exposed. While he has been the recipient of a mediocre hand job before, it’s been in his trousers. This is kind of the first time someone sees him naked like that, because school locker rooms and his mother don’t count.

He doesn’t dare look at you. If there’s anything akin to disappointment, not to mention disgust on your face- Spencer probably would have to jump out the window, stat. His gaze is frozen on his cock, steadily leaking precum on his stomach (which, embarrassing). He’s abashedly trying to insert himself into your point of view, tries to imagine what you think about seeing him like this. What you might think about his dick, if it’s too short or too thin or if it looks weird, if he should’ve shaved. If his legs look strange and too gangly now, or if his stomach connects to his pubic area wrong or-

“Holy shit”, you say, and Spencer is too curious for his own damn good sometimes, because he can’t force his gaze to stay away from you.

You look at him- like before. Reverent but more, so much more. He almost feels like a deity, the way you look at him. Someone to be awed by, someone that should be worshipped. Spencer feels his already in overdrive heartbeat quicken even more, blood flushing his cheeks so much it leaks down his throat, to his chest.

Spencer would literally kill to have you look at him like this for the rest of his life.

“Holy shit, Spencer”, you repeat, eyes now meeting his, “You’re like- a literal fucking dream. I cannot believe- you’re so beautiful, how are you so beautiful everywhere?”

Spencer whimpers and he needs you to touch him kiss him fuck him anything please now or he will absolutely die from heart palpitations.

Some of his despairing thoughts must’ve come through to you, because the next thing you do is moan, which is the best thing he’s ever heard. Then, you take off your sweater. Second to go is your cropped tank top and you aren’t wearing a bra and good heavens.

Pictures could never compare. Not even Botticelli could’ve adequately committed you to canvas.

Spencer must’ve taken some brain damage from seeing you half naked. He doesn’t remember you taking off the remainder of your clothes, nor does he remember you straddling him again. But, fuck.

Spencer kind of doesn’t use the f-word that often but-

fuckfuckfuckufuckfkcufuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckcufkc-

You’re warm against him, and wet, so freaking wet, and it feels so mind-blowingly good- it’s a miracle he’s still holding on. But-

“Won’t last long”, he gets out, breathy and whiny and just so goddamn fuzzy from pleasure. The world could literally perish right now, and he wouldn’t care. He can’t care, because this is the best thing that ever happened to him and he won’t ever care about anything else ever again other than feeling you, you you you you, against him.

“Spencer, Spencer”, you breathe, gasp, and fuck, the way you keep using his name. “Are you okay? Do you still want this?”

It’s ridiculous you even ask. But the warmth in his chest, the feeling of comfort and safety and ease – because everything with you is so easy, so natural - he feels with the way you look after him-

He feels your thumbs caressing his wet cheeks. You put small, sweet kisses all over his face. Take the time to brush away some of his sweat-sticky hair from his forehead. Place kisses there too. You end with a drawn out, gentle kiss to his lips.

“What do you say, sweetheart?”

There’s really only one way for him to answer that. He trusts you. Plain and simple. There’s no one else he could ever do this with.

“Yes, I want. Please.”

You kiss him again. “So good Spencer, you’re so fucking good to me. I can’t believe you are trusting me with this. You are incredible, angel.”

Spencer doesn’t know how it’s anatomically possible, but he blushes even harder. Also, feels his cock twitch against you because he apparently likes to be called good almost as much as he likes being good. For you. Only you. Jesus Christ.

“Do you have a condom?”, you ask and ah. Well.

“Suitcase”, and wow. First word with more than one syllable since you straddled him the first time. He’s being so brave right now. He deserves a medal. Proof of Being Able to Speak Polysyllabic Words While Getting Fucked (Almost).

There’s humour glistening in your eyes, when you hide a fake gasp behind your hand and say, “Oh my god, Spencer you dog. Can’t believe you planned this entire thing.”

Spencer almost chokes on his own spit. “N-no! I just- uh, like being prepared.”

You grind down a snort, drive your teeth into your lower lip. “In case you accidentally saw your coworker’s nudes and them being down to fuck you about it?"

Oh my god, you’re the most ridiculous person he’s ever met. He can’t stop himself from grinning because seeing you trying to keep your laughter at bay-

“Yes. That.”

“But what if- what if it was Rossi instead of you seeing them? How would’ve your plan worked out then, huh?”, you wheeze, shaking from literal suppressed laughter and Spencer makes a sound like a dying horse.

“Rossi? Rossi?”

“Oh my god, imagine it would’ve been Hotch. He would’ve probably fired me so hard and then called me a week later to disappointed-dad-talk me to come back but to please, refrain from bringing personal files to work in the future.”

Spencer laughs. He’s still rock-hard underneath you, but he’s laughing because that’s what you always do. Being so absurd and silly that he’s shocked to laughter.

He adores you with every fibre of his being.

“What the fuck?”, you ask, incredulous but laughing yourself, “Is my misery amusing to you?”

And Spencer feels like being a little bit of a brat. “Very.”

You flick his nose. Grumble something like I’ll show you misery and then you move your hips against his and Spencer sees stars. Let’s out an embarrassingly high whine.

Ah well. It was still worth it.

“Don’t move”, you order, when you climb down from him to retrieve a condom. Spencer watches you, lets himself look at you. All the times he’s wondered how it would be, how it would feel like, being in this kind of situation with you. He’s never in a million years thought it would feel so familiar. Like you’ve done this before, so many times that it’s just become something normal between you two. He’s actually relaxed. So turned on it feels like he’s going to burst any second, but he’s calm. He feels comfortable, so much so that it doesn’t even matter that it’s the first time he’s doing this and he’s so clueless about all of this.

But he knows, if it’s with you, he never ever has to worry about anything.

“Do you have lube as well?”, you ask, rifling through his suitcase and distracting him from his sappy thoughts.

“Hmm. No, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, angel”, you say while returning to Spencer, and the nickname kind of switches something off again in his brain. Perfect. He’s never going to be able to be normal again about that word.

“We’ll have to get some, for next time. Always feels better with it.”

Spencer hasn’t really registered more than next time next time next time-

He’s pulled out of his daze of knowing your intentions of this not only being a one-off thing, when you straddle him again, a bit lower on his legs. Spencer moans, loud and high, when you grab him by the base and god, fuck, his skin is tingling with anticipation.

With your other hand, you grab the condom and then use your teeth to open the packet, and his cock jumps in your hand. How are you so hot. How does everything you do turn him on so much, what.

He watches you take out the plastic ring as if he’s watching from above, out of his body. He watches as you position the condom over his tip and then pull it down, down and Spencer’s brain must be lagging because he feels everything with at least a two second delay and shit, god, son of a-

“You ready, baby?”

He makes a noise between a sob and a whine. He’s losing his mind. “Please please please-“

“Fuck, Spencer”, you whine, lift yourself up a bit with your legs and then you are sinking down on him, inch by agonizing inch.

It’s so good, it’s so good, you are so warm, so hot, and Spencer can’t stop making noises until your hips are flush to his and he’s inside you.

You let out a loud, drawn-out moan above him. “Fuck, fuck, Spencer. You feel so fucking good, holy shit.”

He feels like he’s one move away from coming. God, oh god, it feels so incredible.

“Can I move? Spencer, please?”, your voice is wrecked, you’re flushed down to your navel, and you’re the best thing he’s ever seen.

“Please please please please”, it’s the only word he remembers how to pronounce.

“Fuck”, you almost sob, lifting yourself almost completely off him. You lower yourself back down again, one swift move, and you both moan.

You pick up the pace a little, fucking him with still languid but purposeful thrusts. Every time his cock sinks back into you, Spencer feels bits and pieces of his sanity crumbling away. He can’t think, can’t speak, his mind so fogged up and fuzzy he’s having troubles remembering who he is. He’s so completely at your mercy he’d let you do anything to him.

That turns him on a worryingly huge amount. List, something about a list somewhere.

“Oh, god, look at you. Spencer, baby, angel. You feel so good inside of me, so good.”

He keens, grabs at your strong thighs bracketing his slim hips. Arches up into you, closerclosercloser-

“You like being good for me, right angel?”, you ask, hips slowing down to a gentle grinding that absolutely drives Spencer insane and he’s too far gone to even nod, “It suits you. Being so wrecked for me, moaning and shaking. God, fuck, you’re divine, Spencer, fuck.”

The pressure behind his cock, low in his stomach, that’s been building all evening, all week, holy shit, it’s too much. Spencer feels delirious, feels your hotness around him, feels your hands pressing his chest down into the bed. He’s going to die it feels so good.

“You going to come for me, Spencer? You gonna be good for me and come inside of me?”

Please please please please- it’s all he can think, all he can feel, because because-

You give a particularly hard thrust and-

Spencer’s coming, moaning and moaning, shaking everywhere. He’s coming and it feels so good, so fucking good. He’s never come so hard in his life before.

He might have blacked out a little. The next time he’s aware of something, it’s you cleaning him with a wet washcloth. Slow, and gentle and Jesus.

“What?”, is the first thing he manages to say, and you snicker beside him. You caress his face, hand running through his hair, down his chest. Peck his lips. You’re both still naked.

“Feeling good?”, you ask and what kind of question even is that. You just fucked the soul from his body, and you ask him-

“I almost died”, he says, tagging your name at the end with an incredulous tint to it.

You snort, setting the washcloth on the nightstand behind you. You lie down close to him, cuddling into his side. “That was the plan.”

“Killing me with sex?”

“Yep. That’s for ogling my nudes without my permission, you creep.”

He says your name again, exasperated but so fucking fond it’s a miracle you’ve never noticed his pining before. You shrug, pull a ‘what can you do face’. Spencer rolls his eyes and then, unceremoniously, flops on top of you.

“Uffff”, you press out. “You’re smothering me, penguin.”

Spencer shrugs and copies the expression you just did. You bark out a laugh.

“Ha! Didn’t know post-sex Spencer is such a cheeky little shit. I’ve created a monster.”

He can’t entirely control his face, some parts of a smile slipping into his features. He does manage to poke out his tongue at you though, before he buries his face in your neck.

Some minutes tick by, you both enjoying the other’s presence and warmth and idleness, before something in his brain-

“Wait-“, Spencer splutters, pushing himself away from you so that he can look at you. “Did you- did you even finish?”

He’s kind of horrified. He was so focused on his pleasure- he- how did he forget? He doesn’t remember you coming and oh no, he’s such an asshole, who doesn’t make sure the other person has come as well and-

“Spencer, Spencer”, you shush him, fingers trailing along his back, and he shivers, eyes rolling back.

“I made myself come right after, don’t worry. You were kind of busy in your post-orgasm, pussy-drunk coma.”

Spencer flushes. “But I wanted to…”

You laugh softly. “You can do whatever to me, next time, sweets. This was about you. We’ll go on a date as soon as we’re back home. Fucking Florida is driving me nuts.”

Oh, he suddenly feels shy. A date? You want to go on a date with him?

“Really?”, he asks, and he hates how insecure he sounds.

You send him an unbelieving look. “Uh, what about the last hour makes you think otherwise? Seriously, Spencer, we need to work on your confidence.”

“Okay”, he mutters, a little bit pout-y and you scoff, pulling him down on top of your chest again.

There, with your hands painting patterns on his back and him completely lost in your warmth and familiarity, Spencer thinks that maybe, Florida isn’t that bad.

--

Bonus

“So, then. Made any scientific discoveries last night, pretty boy?”

Spencer chokes on his coffee.

“What?”

“Nothing”, his ‘friend’ says, smirking and leaning against his table, “You just seem to have figured out that little problem that’s been keeping that pretty head of yours all messed up.”

Spencer feels himself flush. Stupid body and stupid involuntary, physiological reactions. Morgan picks up on it, of course.

“Ohhhhh, want to share with the class what those discoveries were?”

Briefly, so very briefly, Spencer thinks of his self-compiled list but- no no no no.

“Shut up, Morgan.”

⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆

tags: @sebastiansstanswhore @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @wasitforrevenge @wannabewolf @tommorecommendedfics @winterhi09 @theoraekenslover @chaewondrful @okeyhoezayy @busy-buzzing @laurakirsten0502 @redros3y @trashxqueen @kitty-kei @so-long-daisymay @hayleythecannibal @jsnsnsnszjzj @reeidsluv @kayane28 @moonysreid @desperately-seeking-serotonin @munsonslunchbox @tul1p-mimi @anuttellaa @pinkgomie @elizabethmidnight2017 @evrmorets @cyanidebitsg @bangchansdog @pinterestwhore145 @some-one-yiu-dont-kno @emma-e-a

i hope these work lmao, also let me know if you wanna be on my eternal tag list for any future Spencer fic ;)

[ectologia]

have you ever tried a makeup smear fic? one where the yandere makes her wear like lipgloss and eyeliner then smears it over her face like she’s lowkey a whore lmao

♱ ˖ ࣪࿐ 𝒫𝒜𝐼𝒩𝒯𝐼𝒩𝒢 ؛ 𝓀𝒶𝓉𝓈𝓊𝓀𝒾 𝒷𝒶𝓀𝓊𝑔𝑜𝓊

𝒸𝑜𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓃𝓉 ؛ dubcon ﾉ noncon ﾉ humiliation ﾉ mocking ﾉ forced cunnilingus ﾉ name calling ﾉ bullying ﾉ crazy bakugou ﾉ mean bakugou ﾉ profanity

“Awh, look at you..” Katsuki coos, popping the cap of your eyeliner and holding it between his teeth. Your eyelids are pulled back to the hilt by his thumb, leaving you a teary mess as he oafishly free hands a string of ink across your lash-line. He pulls away with a triumphant grin, admiring his handy work as you blink away the black seeping into your pupils. The dainty pen is snapped in his fist, discarded onto the floor much like the rest of your make-up, shades of pink and brown left crushed into your carpet with their cases in fragments.

“Who’s a pretty girl?” He sneers, ruffling your hair with a big palm before taking hold of your bound ankles.

The metal clinks as he tugs the chains over his neck, allowing your trembling feet to rest on his shoulders, gracing you no escape.

“Wish I could say the same about this filthy little muff though..” Katsuki tuts, pressing your pussy-lips down to inspect your distorted hole. He slides a finger through the sticky webbing, flicking off at your clit. “Tsk.”

You don’t get a chance to reply before he’s dipping down, snorting like a pig. Engulfing with teeth and a fat tongue as he sticks it to your wet slit. Immediately, he’s shaking his head side to side, nuzzling his creased nose into your swollen bud as he sucks on your cunny hole with an unjust violence.

You cry out an incoherent plea, writhing in the stained sheets smudged with concealer and lipstick, the same colours he’d just finished caking your face in previously.

His head bobs up and down, routinely hacking a glob of foamy saliva onto your folds only to slurp it back up again.

“There we go...” He scrubs his chin of any fluid, sniffing his fingers as-well in a subtle fashion. “Nice ‘n’ sloppy.”

He stays preoccupied with slapping his heavy cock-head against your twitchy clit, even as you snivel into your shoulder, wincing and jerking beneath the heavy weight of his tip spanking your puffy pussy up and down. Pearly teeth bare at the wet splatters that jump from where you connect, spitting back up at him.

“You gonna’ behave?” He questions, leaving his stiff erection to flop onto your stomach as he raises two hands towards your face. Your skin is rolled and tugged on by a set of invasive digits, smudging black clouds of ink from your eyelids to your ears. “You gonna’ be a good little prostitute for me?”

You can’t feel your toes where they’ve gone numb from their ascended position, kicking up into the air as he sheathes his length into the pocket of your choke-hole.

Even as you scream raw from your throat, he can’t help but froth at the pair of pink glossy lips crying out for him. All shiny and glistening in the light, specks of glitter jumbled about inside the glass-like coating that paints them corner to corner. It turns him on, the thick globules of transparent gloop looking all to familiar to something else.

He’s compelled to spread the stickiness around, creating an exaggerated ark over what would usually be your smile, leaving a stripe of gloss in it’s wake.

“Awh..” He chuckles through his nose. “Such a lil’ cutie, you like getting your pussy fucked? Yeah you do, look at that smile.”

“Ngh.. ‘suki..” You keen, jostling the chains keeping your leather-cuffed wrists pinned to the headboard.

“Oh, ‘suki! ‘suki!” He mimics you as you sob, turning his mouth down and squinting his eyes in the same pitiful way you do, only without the crystalline tears dragging pounds of blush and bronzer down your cheekbones. “Please make love to my pussy harder!.. Yeah? ‘s that what you’re tryna’ say you little bitch?”

Even as you shake your head, he ignores you. To busy flicking at the artificial eyelashes he’d shoddily stuck to your lash-line, dramatic and bold like butterflies, nothing you’d ever dare to wear yourself, were it your decision.

“Please Katuki! It hurts, you’re hurting me!”

Your attempt to reason with him falls on deaf ears.

“Oh, I’m hurting you am I?” He only responds by pressing your knees back further. “Good.”

[merlucide]

KIRA I HAVE IDEAS I HAVE IDEAS what about we get an... drummer otoya, bassist karasu and singer and guitarist reader??? (If your requests are closed or if you don't want to do it, it's fine, ok? No pressure!!!!)

BAND AU W/ OTOYA AND KARASU HCS

Notes: GIRL. IN LOVE RN?! I love this idea so much omg?! (Soso sorry for how long it took to get this out 💀)

wc: 700

warnings: implied fem reader, suggestiveness?

I was thinking the bands vibe would be like: Mindless Self Indulgence // Destroy Boys // wych elm (but you can ignore this ofc 😋) I was also thinking like calmer like The Neighborhood and Big Thief

The three of you have been friends since high school, bonding over your shared love for music. Together, you formed the band known as (BAND NAME) / Third Chance!

In the band, you, Y/N, are the lead singer and guitarist, with Karasu on bass and Otoya on drums.

While you and Karasu handle the lyric writing, Otoya gives his input, but you just ignore his suggestions. Sorry Otoya, we aren’t writing a song about ninjas saving hot babes <3

Karasu occasionally contributes soft vocals, adding an extra layer to the music.

(BAND NAME) / Third Chance is a well-known band, and your concerts are always packed.

At the end of each show, Otoya rips off his shirt and throws it to the crowd.

After gigs, the three of you head back to your shared hotel room to unwind and talk about the performance.

you guys either go straight to bed after that or watch some stupid movies.

Otoya definitely shows up at your house at like 1 in the morning to ask if you wanna go get some snacks with him and Karasu. If you ignore him, Otoya will throw rocks at your window till you accept your fate. (He'd yell but Karasu told him to shut up)

Both Karasu and Otoya enjoy skateboarding in their free time, they make you judge who is the better skater (Karasu)

Writing songs with them is a lot of fun, with everyone contributing ideas (including Otoya, when you let him). You are so good at lyricism, which sometimes leaves Otoya in awe, although he'll still insist he could do better.

Karasu hums melodies and plays what feels right while you experiment with lyrics.

Dating Headcanons!

Karasu Tabito:

Your fans adore your relationship and create countless edits of you two.

Otoya gets so pissy when he see’s them lol

When you're working on lyrics, Karasu loves to sneak up behind you, resting his chin on your shoulder.

He's your rock when performance nerves kick in, soothing you with his touch and encouraging words.

Otoya hates you guys lmao

He’s just mad that he can’t get no girls and you both are so happy together. (( he is really happy for you guys though ))

Otoya pretty much third wheels all the time, literally every time you guys try to go out on dates Otoya will find away to come. 

You both have custom picks made for each other <3

Whenever he like sees you he goes up to like “Oh hey rockstar~ whatcha doing hm?”

He loves holding your hand, you love it too, especially with his ring-covered fingers <3

Otoya Eita:

He's SO smug about getting a partner before Karasu did lol

Also poor Karasu, you both would be at Karasu’s trying to write a new song.

Then you and Otoya literally suck each other face while Karasu’s tuning his Bass on the floor trying to ignore the sloppy tongue sounds.

He gave up on telling you both to get a room.

He likes helping you choose your outfit for concerts (( don’t listen to his judgement, he has awful fashion taste )) he chooses anything that shows off your butt/boobs

Pulls you in his lap to apply his waterline-liner every time before you guys go out on stage (( Que groaning Karasu ))

Otoya frequently breaks or loses his drumsticks, so you always have spares on hand.

He calls you "swagger kunoichi/shinobi," …. Yeah sorry

taglist: @gigiiiiislife @sharkissm @luvingshidou @kurona-theshark @soleilonthesun @duckydee-0 @rinitoshisgirl

lol I tried to make both of their sections even.. 🧍‍♀️btw sorry for any misspelled words lol- I just cut my nails so I forgot how to type 😭

Made June 5th 2024

[the-dumpster-fire-of-life]

can i ask for 2009 era Bill Kaulitz with a fashion designer reader? that’s my dreammmmm

like they’re so in love and cheesy with each other + they plan their super extravagant emo outfits to match 😭 i’d die

loooove your writing 🩷 xoxo

(thank you for requesting and I loved this! Sorry if it's short or sucks lmao, xoxo <3)

Bill Kaulitz x Designer Reader

He goes to you for literally any fashion advice

Busts down your down at any given time of the day

You don't care though

It takes HOURS upon HOURS to find the perfect outfit for Bill

He's surprisingly picky

But once you get that outfit?

Babe is so proud

Will happily tell people that you helped him with his outfit

And if you designed shit for him specifically?!

He's buying it all.

If he walks into a store and sees your clothes, he's showing the employee that you're dating

He's so shameless and happy about it

Anyone ask about his clothes?

"(Name) made it for me!"

He's so happy

Will gladly sit down with you for hours to plan any upcoming concert outfits

It's a full time job

He's very extravagant and he wants to look his best

And why not go to you to help him with that?

Matching outfits hands down

He's so proudly gonna match his own emo outfits with you

And if you wear his clothes?

Oh my god he almost died

Even if your style is not emo, he will sometimes dress in your style

As long as you dress in his style

You guys are in the front at any show

If you have your own shows for your fashion line?

He's in the front row, recording it all go down and is the one to be clapping the loudest when you come out

Takes everything in Tom to get this boy to stop yelling

He's just happy man

If you're cheesy with outfits, he'll indulge in it completely

Loves you so much he'll do it

People have caught so many pictures and videos of him just smiling at you, all in love as you talk about your clothing line or go on about your designs

In your design sketches, he leaves little details that show he put them there

You probably didn't even notice till he showed you it on the outfit he out it on

Now it's a whole thing

He hides them in sketches and you find them

He'll gladly be in any show you do

He is ride or die for matching outfits again

Dramatic extravagant, any outfit he is down

He just loves your clothes so much

Design you guys your own matching jackets?

Wears it to every concert

Never takes it off

It's a part of him now.

[simplyreveries]

Hey ! Can I ask for a Alastor like!male!reader please ? The reader have the same personality and power as him and is in Diasomnia or Heartslabyul. With Idia, Lilia and Ruggie pls ? Maybe Grim platonic (He need a dad and I volunteer for that role-)

Ignore it if you don't want to write it !!

Don't forget to drink, and have a good day/night.

i havent watched an episode of hazbin hotel (everything i know about that show is against my will /lh) but the songs have been stuck in my head for the past WEEK.

idia shroud

okay I'm being honest idia was slightly weird and found your behavior initially strange when he had met you, but brushed it off because well, he's at nrc. you always seemed so charismatic and held only good intentions for yourself and others. he didn't get how someone could be so happy all the time as well. he may or may not have thought you were some suck up until he caught glimpse of your underlying nature. (he can respect that though lmao).

he seemed to stray away and almost ignore you at first, especially after seeing more and more of your own behavior. the time when he felt fine around you was when you, being unpredictable appeared and helped him get back at some bothersome student online because you thought it'd be entertaining. and both you and idia are pretty spiteful anyway, with those mischievous toothy grins on your faces.

idia can at least admit he finds your retorts and comments funny, he finds himself snickering to himself when he happens to witness one of these instances when you're basically coming at some poor student that made some snarky remark to you during fitness with vargas. but you always seem to point that out and he hates it.

lilia vanrouge

I feel like you two get along quite well, he finds your demeanor to be interesting and considerably old-fashioned ways is something he relates to. you two are quite the old souls at nrc i feel like haha. But anyone seeing just the two of you together, even smiling and chatting with each other can be pretty intimidating to the eyes of others… your constant toothy smile can be unnerving.

whereas one of your talents and interests is cooking,, lilia does enjoy it as well but pretends to be so weepy and sad when you told him "oh....! its utterly awful! ha-ha-ha” you two get quite competitive during the master chef competitions and challenge the school holds during that time or during beanfest when you two were on opposing teams.... so, you guys definitely get into friendly? rivalries with one another all the time, usually end up being completely chaotic and blown way out of proportion for what they are. the whole dorm knows when you two happen to be in one.

you two have most likely at some point shown each other's magic and abilities off to each other trying to one up one another unknowingly causing some trouble around you as you are so caught up.

ruggie bucchi

ruggie sort of becomes your little gossip buddy, because he doesn't seem to really care and has a lot of dirt on various students and stories he's heard and seen. you just happen to be a sucker for the drama and are able to easily repay him in some way with your magic if you really need to anyways.

he sometimes does find himself a little... confused and taken aback with your smiley and always grinning with some sort of delight even during the worst possible moments (*cough* overblots) as you don't seem to barley bat an eye. but then again as others would assume, its nrc and ruggie has met a lot of strange people. even if you're definitely one of the more... stranger ones.

before he had really known he, he had has attempted to be his usual, cunning self and deceive you at times as a way to try and getting something from you. he easily learned his lesson when you're so able to see right through him and twist it back on him- it ended up turning into some sort of game. he thinks its honestly impressive though. he almost wants to know if you learned that or if that was genuinely just you, he is leaning towards the last part haha.

grim

you are definitely not a force to be reckoned with when angry or even upset. He’s certainly had his moments where he's like “WOAH”. despite the fact that he may butt heads with you often with your condescending and teasing towards him– you’re still quite protective over your little friend. you swiftly manage to pull him out of trouble by swiftly teleporting him right in your hand and he hates that, he always grumbles when you're chuckling “now now, violence is not an answer, grim” even though he's seen your worst moments haha. you're literally way more aggressive than him, he'll retort and remind you of when some rough savanclaw student ALMOST scuffed your uniform.

lowkey he wouldn't outright admit it to you, but I feel like grim does look up to your power and abilities in a way, plus being your unbothered, confident, straightforward self- he wants that aura around himself too…! he wants people to fear him like they do with you all the time. during halloween you practically “shine” as you enjoy playing around and scaring the daylights out of people visiting your dorm and go back to grinning.

not gonna lie, I think that you have this stupid rivalry between you and azul. being you, azul would find you one of the most difficult people to make a deal with. (not to mention you can pretty much manifest anything you want) you were able to easily manage and deal with the events that went down in chapter 3 because you're easily as manipulative and cunning. you literally are a dealmaker yourself. grim always watches you and his interactions in sheer confusion and concern.

[death-limes]

Say, which characters in HB and HH do you hate the most character wise and then design wise

OHHH MAN i could write an entire video essay about this topic lmao, let me try to be as brief as possible

~~~

Hazbin - Worst Character: This one's hard, there are a few characters who probably suck but I just don't know that much about them. But based on what I know now, honestly…? Charlie. Coinsidering that… I think Faustisse?… confirmed that she's over 200 years old, the sheer level of naivete on her part is just annoying and unbelievable. She's over twice as old as Alastor, she should not be swayed so easily by him. As far as I'm aware she's not in a Disney Princess situation where she was shut inside the castle walls her entire life (PLEASE correct me if I'm wrong on that though) so there's no reason why she shouldn't be at least a little savvy to the ways of sinner demons. She should also have been able to see the VERY OBVIOUS SIGNS that Vaggie used to be an exorcist. Even Carmilla comments that it's super fuckin obvious; the Princess of Hell herself should be knowledgeable enough to pick up on hints that even the fandom picked up on when it was just the pilot. Overall, Charlie just comes across as kinda stupid imo. I don't find myself rooting for her at all.

Hazbin - Worst Design: Alastor. I know he may not necessarily look the worst, and I do in fact simp for him, but his design does absolutely NOTHING that a character design is supposed to do. Namely, it doesn't tell us anything about him & it doesn't help him stand out from the cast. Nothing about his design is uniquely 1930s (nobody wore their hair like that, pinstripe suits started in the 1800s and continue to be popular today, monocles were more of an 1800s thing and were considered old-fashioned by the 30s) or deer-esque (his ears really do not look like dear ears at all, and his "antlers" are just microscopic salad forks that don't even show up on his silhouette). The whole Voodoo thing, aside from being super disrespectful to a literal religion that is still actively practiced, is also so inconsequential to his character that it can be removed entirely and change NOTHING about him. Any of his traits that are in line with the Voodoo thing can still exist without it -- him being a trickster and a dealmaker, mostly. All the blacklight stuff doesn't match his aesthetic at all: in Princess and the Frog where everything was 1920s it gave a magic effect, but in Hazbin where all different time periods comingle it just gives a raver effect, which doesn't fit his anti-modern preferences at all. Also the living-shadow thing is yet another direct ripoff from Dr. Facilier (that might just be in the pilot though I'm not sure), I think the living microphone is a better route to take if you want him to have a spiritual companion type of thing; it's more relevant to his theming and more original. And of course none of this even touches on the "he's half-black" bullshit excuse that only came after V*v received backlash about the Voodoo thing. And it doesn't even solve the issue anyway. A mixed-race man from the 1930s would make for a very interesting character IF that unique experience/identity was actually integrated into his character in any noticeable way, but it's not. It was just slapped on at the last minute. Ugh. I could write an entire essay about Alastor alone tbh.

Helluva - Worst Character: Fizzarolli, but mostly when he was first introduced. Aesthetically he's the closest thing that I have to a "blorbo" in this show, but in the Ozzie's episode he just gave me the most rancid vibes ever. Definitely a "asexuality doesn't exist, you just haven't been with ME yet~" type of person. Admittedly that's more of a personal preference thing and less of a poor characterization; they're in the Lust ring, that type of attitude is kind of expected. What IS poor characterization, however, is his "development" later on when he and Ozzie basically get their own arc. His entire personality changes to be much softer and like…. idk, very obviously a trauma VICTIM and not so much of a potential trauma CAUSER? His character is not nearly as abrasive, but there's no corresponding event that would cause such a change. It just seems like now that he's supposed to be a sympathetic character, they changed his personality to be more appealing. He's not nearly as mean and rude as he used to be. Ozzie has a similar thing going on but it's not quiiiiite as severe, and he's saved from being the Worst by having a far more interesting and unique design. (If you had asked who I think has the BEST design in Helluva, I'd probably say Ozzie.)

Helluva - Worst Design: Beelzebub, no contest. A lot of people seemed to have a problem with her being bee-themed instead of fly-themed like the real Beelzebub in demonology, but that honestly doesn't bother me; I'm not expecting any Hellaverse stuff to be super accurate to The Real Lore so any tiny reference they can slip in (like with Ozzie's design) is just gravy. To me, bee and fly are close enough, I think it counts as a reference. Plus, the bee theme goes well with Gluttony ("nectar" is a common synonym for delicious food) and calling her Queen Bee is an easy way to make her name more appealing/sexy than, yknow. "Beelzebub." What DOES bother me is her canine aspect. Why is she a sparkledog? What is the logic behind that? Why isn't she huge-by-default like Ozzie and Mammon? (You'd think GLUTTONY of all sins would be a big character!) It really just feels like V*v wanted Ke$ha to have a cameo role as a major character and just arbitrarily picked one of the sins for her to be. So the character design has Ke$ha in mind faaaaar more than it has Beelzebub in mind. ***(Funny thing about Queen Bee: for a solid week after her episode came out, I was actually fooled by this page from an RP wiki: [https://hazbin-hotel-and-helluva-boss-rp.fandom.com/wiki/Beelzebub] The explanation that I'd gleaned for this version of her is that the picture shown is the REAL Beelzebub, and the one we see in the show is her daughter by the lord of Hellhounds, Cerberus, which explains her canine features. Queen Bee Jr. is the heiress to her mom's title in the same way Charlie is the heiress to Lucifer's title. The picture shown on that page is just SUCH a better design, and it looks like the show's style, and she seems to be a giant like Ozzie and Mammon…. can you blame me for being like "OH that makes sense!!" Cut to me a week later finding out this is just a fan RP wiki. Siiiigh.)

[vamplu]

Gamer Tokyo Revengers Headcanons

A/N: This is mostly Toman with some cameos from Shinichiro & Hanma LMAO. I hope you enjoy! Shout out to my amazing boyfriend who participated in this conversation with me. <3 I love you. -----

-Kazutora one time scammed Baji in Meep City by offering a “legendary for legendary'' trust trade and Baji ended up getting temporarily banned from ROblox text and voice chat for the things he was screeching.

-Mikey and Draken don’t play Roblox (Draken will if Emma wants him to though). They’re probably on Val or something. Mikey blows up team/party voice chat literally the entire match while Draken only says one thing; “gg” at the end of the game LMAO

-Kazutora, Baji, and Chifuyu have a Minecraft server and the stuff that goes on in that server should not be spoken of, but can be summed up with one event; the piston dungeon.

-one time, Mikey spent the night at Baji’s house and had access to his PC. Mikey got on the BajiTrio server and blew up Kazutora’s house and that’s when all the beef started. (Shinichiro is alive and well in this universe!!)

-Mitsuya doesn’t game much, but when he does it’s because Luna and Mana want to play. Accordingly, he’s goated at games like Fashion Famous (pro model) and is pretty popular in any Royale High server he joins LMAO

-Hanma plays CSGO. And he’s reaaaal toxic on the game LMAO. Can see him 100% being one of those “drama” YouTubers who talk shit online while playing various video games. (Think Old Leafy or some shit.)

-Smiley and Angry are an inseparable Fortnite duo. Angry is overly nice and courteous, often handing off his really good weapons to his teammates when they ask for them, while Smiley is literally being toxic the ENTIRE time. Think of him saying stuff like, “Dude, you’re so ass.”, “Imagine whiffing every shot LMAOOOO”, and “BROOOOOOOOOO we lost because you suck!” at every given moment of a match. Accordingly, not a lot of people play with them so they usually fuck around in duos.

-Shinichiro grew up on OG Nintendo and struggles to really understand newer games because he stopped playing when school + work got busy for him so he didn’t have much time. He tries his best though when Mikey wants to play games with him, even if his best is pretty mid.

-Yuzuha and Hakkai play a lot of open-world RPGs, like Zelda, Genshin, and Star Rail. They especially like Genshin because they can play together. Hakkai mains Yelan and freezes up literally every time she says one of her voice lines. But Yuzuha is really into Yae Miko (or really any electro woman.)

-Emma mainly plays cute mobile games like Love:nikki, Hello Kitty World, or Happy Camper. She likes being able to make cute outfits/sets. She got a Switch so she could play Minecraft and ACNH, but she got into these games because of the PE edition and Happy Camper.

-Emma actually recommended ACNH to Mikey, who ended up getting addicted during COVID and literally could not peel himself away from his Switch for the entirety of Quarantine. But was he simply docile while playing? No, of course not. He was insanely aggressive with Tom Nook.

-Mikey actually forced Mitsuya to make Toman jackets in Animal Crossing. (Mitsuya also made all the boys’ MC skins.)

[sadie-bug345]

Can I get a sugar mommy/daddy gn s/o x greasers headcanons?! (nothing creepy, and no age gap like that but I’m talking if like they dated a really rich soc who got them anything they wanted) I just think this would be super hilarious and kind of a good concept for a dynamic

Much love thanks youuuuu!

ILYSM and shore🫶🫶BTW IM doing these hcs with @urlocalnonbinarybastardwrites ‼️ check out their blog🫶🥰

ponyboy:

guy lowk balling after you start treating him to material things

like don’t get me wrong he’s really gracious

but everyone starts noticing his newer jeans and how you guys always go to nicer, more expensive restaurants

its honestly really cutie

and he always says thanks no matter what like even if it’s actually not that big of a deal he’s like

”🧍‍♀️🫵😀no. thank YOU”

LMAOO

johnny:

probably barely understands what’s going on ngl

just cause he has never been treated that nicely when it comes to material things

so it makes him kinda uncomfortable at first

cause money was such a tight subject in his awful family that he’s like NO don’t get me that ring and when you do he genuinely appreciates it

probably doesn’t really express it though, other than a quick “thanks😀”

but that’s ok cause bro has had a hard knock life asf✊

sodapop:

goes a LITTLE crazy with the shopping

but for genuine stuff like clothes or shoes or smth

not like TWO BIT (more on him later)

ANYWAYS

once he finds out you’re paying for dinner he gets MANY apps and ‘serts

as the middle child he kinda has to try a bit harder to get attention when it comes to his brothers

but he really appreciates all you do for him🫶

darry:

SAYS NO TO YOU PAYING FOR STUFF

but in like, an affectionate way🥰‼️

just cause he’s already used to having to work for everything he’s gotten

he doesn’t really like you paying for him bc of that

but you just keep. insisting. and he’s very thankful

bc he gets to save money on like groceries or smth actually important😭

dally:

probably just like

”*scoff* no.”

he just seems the type to not accept that cause he has an EGOOO

like if he and cherry (or someone like cherry) went on a date and they offered to pay he’d be like 🤨

“uh…what?”

but that doesn’t mean he’s paying for your luxury fashion sprees

yall just go to wherever he can afford so like

…the dumpster🧍‍♀️

LMAOOOO

two-bit:

GOOFY

i feel like i start all his hcs with “GOOFY” but here we go again

probably buys candy or cigarettes or pranks just dumb stuff

and he comes back with an armful of crap and you’re like

”o-okay then🧍‍♀️”

it’s funny though cause you learn to lighten up a bit

eventually you cut his money supply off tho LMAO

steve:

probably doesn’t really notice

but his household life SUCKS too so he seems like a johnny type reaction dude

just awkwardly says thanks

BUT

he really does remember all the nice things you do for him that you didn’t have to

very sweetie🥰

ANYWAYS MY INBOX IS OPENNN🫶‼️‼️

[parti-poppers]

what are your fav fukalen headcannons that you have?

Oh lord you don’t even know

I have far too many and I physically can’t pick favorites, so I present you; Pop’s Fukalen Headcanon Masterlist (that hasn’t been updated in a good while)

-They get into dumb stupid trouble a lot, Len cuz he’s overly confident, stubborn and stupid, and Fukase because he’s an agent of chaos

-They casually bully (not really, just tease) each other a lot

-They don’t really need to communicate to cause havoc, they just sorta catch each others dumbass brain waves

-Though Luka is the main English tutor for the Kagamines, Fukase also helps Len with his English a lot

-After Fukase has helped Len with English so much, it became a habit for Fukase to speak English to Len so that he could hear it more and learn, so though it’s not actually necessary it has become natural for them to have conversations where Len speaks Japanese and Fukase speaks English

-Fukase’s kinda jealous of Len’s dance skills but refuses to admit it, instead just saying Len’s a show off (he’s not wrong)

-They’re both gamers and play together a lot, though Fukase leans more towards shooters and Len’s a bit of a rhythm game fanatic

-They played Portal 2 together which consisted of Fukase carrying and Len fucking around bc he wasn’t built for puzzle games

-Fukase says project diva is dumb and not even a good game because he generally doesn’t like rhythm games as he tends to suck at them, but he’s secretly a hardcore project diva fan and plays it a lot

-Similarly, he complains about Sekai being cashgrab trash and just another shitty gacha game but he’s mildly addicted

-Oh and his fave module is Len’s Trickster one because then they have a matching cane and hat vibe goin’ on

-Sometimes when they’re in group chat with friends Fukase and Len will argue, and Fukase will say something like “shut up bb”, earning something like a “lmao you calling him baby that’s kinda gay” from the others, and the response is usually something along the lines of “YOU ALL KNOW ITS SHORT FOR BANANA BOY SHUT THE HELL UP”

-Len makes fun of Fukase’s overly complicated design a lot but had an edgy phase where he thought it was the peek of fashion and secretly wanted to look like him

-Len really likes Fukase’s lower range (especially when paired with his softer voice), but keeps that secret locked up and kept away from everyone and anyone

-Len assumed for ages that Fukase wore eyeliner until he did his makeup once and told him to take it off and Fukase was like “what eyeliner” and Len was like “you’re not wearing eyeliner???”

-Fukase gets super easily cold which is why he wears so many layers, meanwhile Len is that kid that walks around in a t-shirt and shorts all year around, a bit of a living heater if you will. It can either be optimal for cuddling or make it impossible, depends

-They use a lot of different nicknames for each other depending on context- usually Fukase might call Len “Banana Boy”, “Blondie”, “Twink” or “Dumbass” and Len might call Fukase “Clown” “Fuckass” “Fuka” or “Kase”. You’ll probably never catch Fukase saying “Babe” (Banana Boy > BB > Baby/Babe)or Len saying “Fukafuka” (fluffy/soft) out in the open tho

-Fukase and Flower are best friends, and Flower has a habit of giving people nicknames based on flowers. Fukase sorta picked up on this, occasionally calling Len “Buttercup”

-Every time someone asks Fukase how his face got scarred he comes up with the most wild and shocking story he can think of on the spot to get a reaction out of whoever is asking, but none of these manage to shock Len anymore because he’s heard every single one Fukase has managed to conjure up

-Fukase has multiple sorted reference, meme, quote, and random picture folders so he can send whatever he deems perfect in any given situation at any given time. Depending on context Len will more often than not know “oh this person said this, so Fuka is gonna send/show this specific thing in three, two, one- there it is”

-Whenever Len comes over to Fukase he will prioritize saying hi to Point before Fukase. Fukase‘s kinda accepted that Len likes Point more than him

-The way Len treats Point compared to the way Fukase does is night and day- Len holds it like a newborn child talking to the it like it’s a puppy, while Fuka be out here dragging it by a limb sayin “ya stinky”

-Point is their unofficial child probably

-Len likes a lot of Fukase’s original English songs, but knows his own English isn’t the best, at least not compared to Fukase’s, so he only ever jams to them and sings along in private

-Though he makes fun of it a lot, Fukase thinks Len’s English is kinda endearing, but he keeps that to himself

-Fukase has the weird ability to making insults sound like compliments, and compliments sound like insults, and Len is sick of it cuz it makes him very confused and annoyed

-Fukase speaks fluent sarcasm, meanwhile Len’s brain sometimes just short circuits and he can’t pick up on sarcasm whatsoever

-Fukase is a smartass with dumbass energy and Len is a dumbass who tries to have smartass energy (in contrast to Rin, who fully embraces her dumbassness and dumbass energy and thinks Len should too. He insists he isn’t as dumb as her and she’s like “bro you’re literally my reflection”)

-Len legit has a big ego (some describe him as mildly narcissistic) while, Fukase is just great at faking confidence and actually doesn’t think very highly of himself, though Len insists he absolutely should

-Fukase likes cracking self deprecating jokes. He does that more than your average person due to his secretly low confidence

-Len, due to his higher than average confidence, usually doesn’t find self deprecating jokes funny cuz he doesn’t relate to them, and it often takes him a second to get them. Sometimes, if he notices his friends making a lot of them, he’ll get kinda worried and be like “damn you need therapy or smthn?”

-Len sometimes aggressively delivers compliments to Fukase, or whoever he thinks needs them

-Fukase’s terrible at accepting compliments

-Len straight up started giving Fukase self love classes to teach him real confidence

-He also gives Fukase dance lessons, but Fukase usually doesn’t learn much because Len’s too busy showing off. They have fun tho

-Fukase really like when Len has his hair down

-Len’s kind of a mess in the kitchen, so when they have to prepare something themselves Fukase usually does it for the both of them

-When they’re out together they like to get milkshakes/smoothies. If both are almost broke and they gotta share, they compromise and get the banana and strawberry drink. While their fave flavors in general are banana for Len and strawberry for Fukase, they both have come to enjoy the banana and strawberry combo. Sometimes they lie to each other abt being broke just to order it and share

-Len says Wi-Fi Imagination Wild Boy is “their song” but Fukase likes to pretend it doesn’t exist and never happened out of embarrassment

-Len likes having one hand on each side of Fukase’s face because the difference in skin texture on each side feels funny. Fukase says it’s weird that he likes doing that, but doesn’t stop him from squishing his face

-Fukase always ponders how the Cryptons have perfect skin, or well, at least he knows Len does- perfect nails too, great for head scratches

-While Fuka is normally not the biggest fan of surprise physical contact, it’s kinda become a habit of Len to just randomly scratch his head or run his hand through his hair. This is an exception. If you comment on it tho, Fukase will suddenly start acting annoyed by it and smack Len’s hand away. Len teases him a bit for liking it

-Len absolutely adores how fluffy and messy Fukase’s hair is

-Fukase has his reasons for keeping his arm bandages, maybe health, convenience, not wanting to freak people out- but one is because he has a habit of picking at the skin there, which Len is trying to get him to stop doing

-Fukase’s arm picking worries Len, so sometimes he changes Fukase’s bandages for him just to make sure he won’t do it

-Len’s a trans guy and Fukase is one of the few people Len’s comfortable not binding his chest in front of, other than the other Cryptons and Piko (bc Piko’s his best friend)

-Fuka barely needs any sleep getting like 4 hours on average, while is a professional honk mimimier who likes getting his 8 hours of beauty sleep

-Because of Len’s habit of sleeping like a baby and the fact that he’s usually busy as fuck, Fukase always lets him sleep in when they have sleepovers at his place, not having the heart to wake him up

-When they have sleepovers they always end up having an argument a little while after Len starts showing signs of being tired. These basically consist of Len saying “if I go to bed now I know you’re just gonna stay up all night, get your ass to bed now or I’m staying up and annoying you while sleep deprived” and Fukase saying “you look like you’re gonna pass out and you know damn well I won’t be able to sleep for a while, go to bed or I’m carrying your sleepy ass over there“. Which of them wins varies

-Though they both frequently tease each other and are okay with teasing/being teased about pretty much anything, they also know exactly when they’re crossing a line or pushing certain buttons. Sometimes they’ll push the others buttons just a little or see how far they can go, but they always know when to stop and when the other isn’t cool with it anymore

-Fukase adores the horror genre as a whole, while Len’s more easily freaked out but pretends like he has no fear- so, when they’re for example picking out a movie to watch, Fukase might wanna watch a horror movie and Len will be like “Pft of course no problem I’m not a wimp” but then later in the middle of the movie they’ll have to pause and chill together for a bit because Fukase’s like “dude you look like you’re gonna cry maybe let’s not, want some hot coco?”

-Fukase and Len once started talking about some English tv show and after it came up in conversation Len confessed that he had a hard time following without Japanese subtitles, especially when he wants to sing along to the songs. This lead Fuka to say he could help him if there was anything he needed clarified when watching it, which lead to them watching the show together. Now they’ve developed a habit of watching stuff together so Fukase can help translate and clarify, even though Len doesn’t need it much anymore

-While Len loves doing concerts and performances, he gets very homesick and missed his friends since he’s so social. He’ll text people non stop, though he’s sometimes worried that it gets a little annoying- but Fukase doesn’t mind at all. Len always somehow gives him the ability to watch them live from his home and tells him about how it is and that he misses him, and since Fukase doesn’t have a sleep schedule it usually works wherever Len is. Len also hooked him up with some real nice glowsticks that he furiously waved around when watching

-Since Fukase and especially Len are both pretty dang successful and feel like can’t really comfortably talk about their insecurities or negative feelings regarding their loid status in front of less successful loids, like Piko or Lui, they kinda just talk about it to each other. They bond over it- knowing Piko has it worse, Fuka isn’t as bothered much by his licensing, but is ashamed that his VP doesn’t care for him. And Len, tho almost always feeling like he’s the best he could be, sometimes feels inferior to Rin when remembering that he’s just kind of an add on to her

-Len has little to no insecurities regarding his looks, though he spent like his eye color very much, partially bc he’s often made to wear brighter green or blue contacts for promo stuff. Fukase thinks this is bullshit and Len’s eyes are pretty as hell

-Fukase is disabled, hence the cane, and doesn’t typically mind it too much because it lets him skip out on a lot of stuff in PE and other such things. His one complaint is that he can’t really carry Len bc of his balance, but Len insists it’s ok

-While being a bit of a twig and not a fan of exercise, but he does have a bit of upper body mass because he plays drums and has used crutches/wheelchairs at several points in life. Len’s the more athletic of the two tho and likes to brag about

-Len has dog energy and Fukase has cat energy

-Len bought Fukase a pair of those headphones with cat ears on them. Fukase said it was stupid, asked why he spent money on them and claimed he’d never wear them, but he often uses them at home

-They’ve faked a proposal for free food

-Len kinda doesn’t really know what exactly Fukase is or how he works but also doesn’t really care

-Fukase loves showing Len games that are actually horror games but don’t seem like it at first. Len always gets suspicion and Fukase always goes “nonono this ones’s fine it’s not scary at all I promise” and Len always falls for it

-After Len complained about it enough he finally manages to get Fukase to eat three meals a day (or at least try to). Fukase forgets to every now and again but Len’s usually there to remind him

-Despite the fact that nothing seems to make Len insecure ever, there was one time his perfect skin had a pimple and he refused to come out of his room for almost anything. Fukase had to sit outside his room and convince him it really wasn’t that bad on three separate occasions

-One time when Len and Rin were hanging out with Miku and some popular friends after a concert Fukase borrowed Flower’s motorbike to pick Len up so he’d seem cool. Was very effective on Len but the others were like “lmao you two are dorks” and “Wait is Fukase even allowed to drive that”

-Their friends were genuinely very surprised to find out that they liked each other because they both had this very tsundere-esque, mean, teasing and pulling no punches way of interacting so everyone figured they really disliked each other (both of them were surprised to find that the other liked them back too)

-When Fukase and Moke, who were the last members to join the friend group, first met Len, Fukase really disliked him while Moke adored him. This was in big part because Fukase knew Len’s celebrity image as an arrogant, self obsessed, annoying asshole, and Moke, being very into otaku culture, was a big fan who idolizes him and found his celebrity image to be talented and charming. However, when they actually got to know him, the script completely flipped and Fukase now finds him dumb, but charming, while Moke just finds him unbearable

[until-another-one-comes]

Since we haven’t gotten a story mode yet, I’ve made up headcanons of at least 3 different versions of what Francis’s character is like in my head. They’ll change once the game’s updated in the future.

1) Average Joe Francis: Francis is just your basic white guy. Nothing remarkable about him. He just wants to live a normal life but gets really worn out by his job. All he wants is to do his work and get back to sleep. Doesn’t like to stand out, really simple but very shy and humble to everyone. He doesn’t have much confidence in himself and is pretty lonely. He may or may not have a normal upbringing or he could have a neglectful family. I headcanon that this version of Francis had a fling with Nacha because he was desperate for companionship but ended up getting her pregnant. He still pays for child support and cares for Nacha and Anastacha but gets very awkward around them.

2) Dead on the outside, dead on the inside: this Francis grew up in an abusive home that warped his perception of others and love in general. He was mistreated by everyone as a child that he developed some form of mental illness that kept him up all night. Francis became an empty shell of a person when he grew up and just works to survive. He’s not afraid to get bloody if anyone crosses him and it gives him a form of sick delight as the life fades from his victims eyes. If some housewife wants to have an affair with him (I.e Nacha), Francis wouldn’t have a problem with it not because he’s excited about wrecking a relationship, it’s because he’s got nothing better to do. Deep down, he believes he’s unlovable and that he screwed up all his life. If he does end up caring for someone, he will turn even more insane for them. He will do whatever it takes to make sure that person stays with him.

3) A true goth underneath: this is based off Yog Sothoth from the nightmare mode. I think the reason why Francis is a vampire is because of the inside joke that milkmen are known for home wrecking like vampires sucking away the blood and life force but that’s based on how the doorman sees him. Contrary to popular belief, this version of Francis prefers to not sleep with anyone at all. He just wants to do his job. Nacha might be an exception because I think they liked each other at one point but their relationship fell off because Francis was really moody and pessimistic. And since Yog Sothoth has a goth design to it, I feel like it can also reflect this Francis’s behaviour as a typical angsty brooding goth who hates life. This Francis loves dark places, loves sad music and writes poetry in his free time. In short, he’s a dark artistic soul /j

What do you think?

I love first one the most! Yeah, thats more or less my vision for him (except I have my own backstory for him and Nacha), just Some Guy tryna live his life while also going through his day with the threat of the doppelgangers. And tbh I think thats the most 'canon' way to see him.

Second one- I don't think Nacho-sama would make it canon, or at least not seriously, but again it is kind of sus that Francis's doppel and nightmare version is related to blood. Even though its fanservice I still see Yog being a vampire to allude the whole 'milkman are homewreckers' thing back in the 50s. But yeah I wouldn't be all that surprised if theres a twist of him being like that (especially since we already got confirmation that Afton has something going on, if one neighbor can be sus why not two. Or three. *Looks at Angus*)

HELP GOTH FRANCIS REAL?? LMAO I love that idea. RIP Francis you would have loved modern alt fashion.

(Sorry you didn't ask for this, but about Nacha- my backstory for them that I hope to write a fic for is that Nacha was married before her husband was a cheater. She had a one night stand with Francis (who didn't know she was married) and then left her husband once she realised she was pregnant. After giving birth to Anastacha they moved around a lot before finally settling into the current apartment. That just so happens to be where Francis lives)

[xxxherniaxxx]

Hiii I have to make a real promo post bc I'm bored of not meeting mentally ill people on the internet

🐛 Khyle

🐛 32

🐛 Ze/zir/he/him (no preference/mixing fine)

🐛 Not a huge fandom blogger but I'm deeply unwell about red vs blue and partially unwell about halo atm.

🐛 Need to make friends over 25 to play TTRPGs with because if I don't play tabletop games soon I might actually expire

🐛 I have an art blog that I never update but it's @inkfucker

🐛 I also have a comic I haven't updated to an even more extreme degree at @doggirlsondrugs

🐛 Literally trying to read more theory so I guess my main fandom is gonna be Parenti if I manage to get through this book lmao

🐛 Speaking of which I will absolutely read a book with some1 and compare notes cuz I suck at reading on my own ☝️

🐛 I don't care to see majority-nsfw blogs and esp not a lot of the in-vogue kinks on this site

🐛 Uhhh idk here's a list of things I've enjoyed ever:

🐌Bugs/insects

🐌 Comics by mentally unwell weirdos

🐌 Fashion in general (I have 1000 sideblogs my fashion blog is @didthatdudejustsayshelikescloth)

🐌 Homestar Runner

🐌 Pet sites - mostly flight rising & neopets (yeah I have a fucking sideblog for this too lmao @coadels)

🐌 Buffy the Vampire Slayer even though Joss Whedon needs to be killed

🐌 Buffy's goofy cousin show Big Wolf on Campus

🐌 Unwell podcast (I have not finished this)

🐌 Idk man I gotta leave the house and go see my friend come hang out with me on computers

[spiderh0rse]

freeman's mind notes pt8, e36-40 (plus secret e0)

e36

delighted to put his hands on a gun again even if there's blood on it

he wants more things to shoot

doesn't think he's fired a gun before (second assertion of this fact) but it does feel familiar

has had a reoccurring dream of being Snoop Dogg

thinks the barnacles were made by the biology department

someone in Biology named Heather than Gordon tries to hit on sometimes. She is supposedly stone cold

calls himself The Freeman again

everyone was proud of the pollen that killed people

"goat cheese massacre"

return of the Fall Damage. Bemoans the lack of shock absorbers and drugs

confused at why he's wearing the HEV suit

vaguely remembers the ResCas proper

would not drink neon hi c ecto cooler

he doesn't like liars

black mesa is NOT a tourist trap

he is right tbh. Trespassers literally do have rights. You're supposed to make any unreasonable dangers clear and obvious. Warn with signage or some shit

aims to think like a squirrel that has anger problems

the nation of Freeman

yeah this sequence of events is normal and leads to promotions

e37

had some job interviews in grad school. Never knew how to answer their questions

thinks of the building as alive AGAIN

oh hey we're in the part of the facility that Physics of the Crowbar did astoundingly well

gotta avoid the blood shower :(

this gunk BETTER not get in his hair

he doesn't want to smell like mcdonalds

GROWLS

meat chunks in his hairrrrrrr

he no longer likes orange

he's 80% sure cheetos aren't made like this

undertow fuckin with him

his values have sunk since he woke up

prepared for when he gets Alzheimer's. He'll escape room his way out of the retirement home easy

wants a sword cane when he's old

you just shot a SNOT MONSTER, sir.

he remembers everything? (he does not) (he thinks the string theory crowd got into AnMat)

plans to sell the satchel charges to Eddie

yes the magnum does grant godlike ego

he isn't an optimist

this is NOT a democracy he has a GUN

"BLAH!!!"

freeman have you butchered animals before or

would love to land in a ballpit

naptime :>

bat JUMPSCARE he CANCELLED THE CREDITS. SHOCK. AWE.

e0

new intro. Tram ride to some vending machines.

attempts to flirt with the hazard course hologram

doesn't comment on the HEV suit's voice this time!

he's not coming back to the hazard course

only getting HEV suit training because he's capable of physical activity

derides the game-based language of the tutorial

"hup! hoo! hah!"

i WISH there was rubber padding around the knees of the suit

fatphobia,,

he always wanted to be a hamster man

finds the long jump module cool

"nreeeeeeoooow"

could press buttons all day!

Slur count: five.

e38

back to cafeteria intro

he can't sleep :(

HATES the room's vibes

self hypnotizes again. Lmao

TANK OF ACID! SUPERB!

he is a CAT

his faux-southern accent sucks so bad. hillbilly but worse

no come on you can dodge an incinerator

liked the Addams Family. Identified with the Thing, he says.

concrete corridor agnostic

double dead end!

he feels like strangling something.

feels like he wouldn't mind the nickname Dr. Stranglelove

growls again

backup backup gun dependency does rely on state yeah

he wanted a banana milkshake

he's talkin specbio,,,

he remembers lasers are BAD

limbos on by that awful tripmine

"BLLLAAAAAAHHHHHHH"

e39

[incoherent raging] followed by "wait! I have satchel charges!"

deeply comforted by having this amount of explosives. Wants to draw a smiley face on one

welllll the radiation sign is a bit off the requirement but that's a half life note not a freeman's mind note. He should know though

claims his geiger counter is trendy and fashionable

we have reached the non OSHA compliant location

he is clearly being sarcastic here but he does talk about seeing what was probably a mall santa

jello knees..... He's in painnnnn

this isn't even a SPA

he feels like he's in a sub in the cramped metal halls

back to the classroom analogy

it IS the amps that kill you yessirre

part of the opposable thumbs club!

takes the time to study the trapped alien grunt. Says it could get a management job

he hates biolabs :(

goes through the Atom Experience

incoherent babbling

he Remembers that everyone wants him dead. Shoots a probably innocent guard

now plans to kill the whole world

he's a gun farmer :>

usually when stuff goes long he concludes that everyone wants him dead

he's honestly a little relieved that he doesn't have to guess if people want him dead or not

doesn't recognize the vox

GRAPPLING HOOK MENTION

e40

new intro, shotgun-elevator shaft

the eternal issue of understaffing: doing weird bullshit always

"superbus" w/e well superbia is pride so I'd imagine this is "greatness" followed by whatever words he isn't reading

he isn't reading them because he doesn't know latin

human body staircase,,

door conspiracy!

actually thinks before he pushes a button

"woah-hoho-oh..."

hiccups :(

he gets really nervous after killing people

oh the subtitles have suddenly cut out

his normal work was in quantum mechanics and general relativity

stumbles over his saying "I don't know"

"there's no actual right to privacy but it's implied by the rest of the constitution. And this gun,"

prototype cheese slicer or pita cutter- you decide

HE CAN'T HELP ANYONE IF THEY'RE NOT CALM

RELAX AND FOLLOW THE SOUND OF HIS VOICE

back to hitting any button he sees

he is never going to ask for yellow space maggots jumping at his face

a list of things that makes freeman happy: lasers, food, painkillers, bed rest, not being persecuted, getting his life back on track. Lasers may be listed first here but it is below the rest of these

avoids the gauss gun

seeing body parts lying around used to bother him

wants to sprinkle cloned body parts lying places and tape people finding em

big laser? Badass.

gonna shoot down a satellite with that baby

[rin-hanarin]

Random dirkjohn headcanons and scenarios... 2!

I might actually do something with these one day. Also APPARENTLY THERE'S A SYMBOL LIMIT ON TUMBLR AND I HIT IT LMAO

Two things: 1) All of my hypothetical scenarios take place on Earth C, 2) There's a lot of fluff here, brace yourselves.

Dirk has a "John is upset" voice and refuses to admit that he does.  He talks softer to him and filters himself more, and Roxy notices it and thinks that it's adorable how mellow and accommodating Dirk is with him.

John meanwhile can read him better than Dirk thinks and knows when he’s bothered by something. He’s trying to distract him with jokes and silly teasing without trying to make him explain himself, he’s just trying to make him comfortable and relax, even if it doesn’t help long term. 

Dirk gets his own place at some point before they start dating because John doesn't like spending too much time in his childhood home, but also thinks that it's awkward to impose on the place Dirk shares with Jake. John is absolutely ecstatic about the idea of decorating a new place while Dirk thinks it's too damn big for the two of them, let alone just him: he's used to a cramped apartment after all. John ends up deciding what goes where for the most part, and Dirk eventually gets into it after seeing his enthusiasm. They argue about dumb shit and Dirk goes on and on about something like couch placement even though he doesn't really care. John doesn't even really live with him at first, but brings posters, clutter items and things like pillows and curtains (blue ones because Dirk mentioned them at some point and he thinks it's funny.) The house gradually starts looking really cozy, and Dirk doesn't need to explain to his guests who's responsible for it. Their friends start bringing him kitchen appliances, comforters and useless things to place on shelves as gifts to John's completely gleeful reaction, and Dirk is just glad to see him happy, even though their friends are making fun of him. It's not their place, but it totally is.

The house eventually gets wired with all sorts of mutual pranks and traps. They let others crash, but it's on them if they set off something they weren't supposed to. Dirk tends to overdo things, and on one hand John enjoys listening to him explain how he came up with a mechanism or how he made it, but on the other you don't just start a prank war with a mechanic who is as resourceful as he is invested in his craft. He doesn't really make anything particularly dangerous, but John just in case walks around half incorporeal.

They accidentally start sharing wardrobe sometimes because of the shared laundry. John likes oversized shirts, so they fit taller Dirk just fine; Dirk's regular clothes aren't that different from John's oversized ones, but he sometimes wears skin tight tanks, so they more or less fit John. Neither of them bat an eye because who cares about shirts, and John is just a little bit embarrassed by people commenting on how close he is with his platonic second best bro. The first best bro is innerly losing his shit when he sees a hat logo on John's shirt or Dirk wearing an unusually comfy sweater, but fortunately (for John) Rose is the one who has to listen to him process that out loud.

Jade completely innocently mentions that she can't tell their smells apart anymore, and John's initial reaction is neutral because duh no shit they live together, and Dirk's innerly freaking out because Rose and Jane are present to hear that and raise eyebrows at him, meaning that Roxy will hear about that, meaning that everyone will hear about that because she can't keep gossip to herself. Dirk, however, is also pleased in a kind of possessive fashion, but no one needs to hear about that.

John joins Dirk and Jake in their friendly-but-totally-competitive sparring sessions one day, set up because they both have way too much energy to burn. Jake gets his ass handed to him because he actually sucks at fighting, Jake's every "strife" with John is more of a game of tag than a fight and they're just having a good time with Dirk as their more than willing witness. Meanwhile Dirk can't consciously land a hit on John, he can neither swing at him nor point a sword at him without his hands failing him because he has no idea how much John can handle, but also because he looks so soft and comfortable and non threatening and Dirk would rather ruffle his hair than hit him. John is kinda flattered by that, but he's also annoyed that Dirk doesn't treat him seriously and assumes that he's too fragile to fight for some reason, both of which are wrong and John fails to see why at first because he'd fight Dirk for many things actually. He ends up taunting and teasing him, but also showing off his incorporeal wind state. He even makes Rose vouch for him and prove that he literally can't be stabbed when he's like that when he learns that Dirk's just worried out of his mind again. Dirk eventually lets himself relax, gets into it and actually starts responding to John's taunts, and John turns it into a chase with a cheeky "catch me if you can." They're being complete clowns with John being a brat and Dirk chasing him with a fucking sword, but they're having a blast, getting handsy with each other sometimes when Dirk briefly catches John before he disappears in a gust of wind with obnoxious cackling. Dirk eventually manages to catch him off guard with some remark and restrain his hands behind his back, pressing the dull side of his blade to his neck, and they're just catching their breaths and chuckling at each other's disheveled states. They kind of lose track of time in the heat of the moment, until Jake decides that he's seen enough flirting for the day and not enough fisticuffs. He loudly clears his throat and calls them out with something like "Nothing warms the heart quite like seeing two stand-up gents frolicking and having a mighty fine time!", to which John and Dirk just awkwardly pull away from each other, all ruff and flustered like their unlabeled relationship doesn't raise any eyebrows on a regular basis anyway. Jake makes it a recurring thing with them and even invites others to their strife sessions to join the peanut gallery. He even manages to convince very unimpressed Dave to join and see that there's no actual fighting going on most of the time and that he doesn't need to worry about John fighting and getting injured by his "Bro", because said bro is scared shitless to actually hurt John and turns their sparring into a rather embarrassing snugglefest.

Dirk sometimes writes down his rhymes, even though he's more used to improv, and John one day finds them and makes him read them with a feeling and passion like poetry because it sounds hilarious (and maybe he likes Dirk's voice a little bit), he even provides piano ambience for him. Dirk actually goes along with it, and John's dying on his keyboard laughing after a particularly dramatic "Yo"s or "Uh"s, which are normally more Dave's style, but Dirk just thought that it'd be a nice addition. Rose is very willing to join them after she one way or another finds out about that, and that's the closest thing to friendly bonding that happens between Rose and Dirk without both of them being way too difficult because they're just Like That.

[marley-manson]

okay the full review in a pros and cons list lol

pros:

uh my ship canon. i win, motherfuckers. fuckin 15 year old me was right this whole time, as always, but it's nice to see it acknowledged for once.

the confession scene also just kicked ass tbh

i gotta admire the cheekiness of the back and forth hesitant phrasing of their relationship, eg crowley referring to '...us' and aziraphale's 'i need you!' 'we can be together' etc until finally crowley just runs back to kiss him

and you know aziraphale was about to say 'i love you' before cutting himself off <3

touching his lips after too <3

the reasons for the break up felt reasonable to me and justified with the season's flashbacks to crowley questioning things and aziraphale's resistance

some pretty funny jokes, i laughed outloud a few times

michael sheen and david tennant do have excellent chemistry

never gonna say no to side lesbians even if they were incredibly bland

i think the way it was structured like a fanfic was a pro honestly lol. the plot sucked, i don't care about it, so it's nice that the story itself also doesn't care

amnesiac gabriel was endearing

crowley not kiling goats was cute

ty tennant was in it for about a minute and spent that minute hitting on aziraphale and it was fucking bonkers

no het

like i think job and his wife may have literally been the sole exception including like references to offscreen spouses lmao, i'm v impressed, and if this is penance for last season then i forgive.

i thought it was cute that gaiman incorporated the song he wanted for season 1 into this season as a plot point

beelzebub's new actor was so much better. and the flies were somehow kinda cute, i'll give the gabriel/beelzebub ship that.

good old fashioned lover boy. we all wanted it, they gave it to us, i appreciate it

here's my review: gay enough

cons:

mostly sucked as like, a narrative

tennant's fucking performance as crowley was so annoying, he or the director doubled down on what i hated last season and stripped him of all the endearing humanizing aspects of his performance and the result was like watching donald duck screaming for 6 episodes

the chemistry was still there but the actual pining kiiiiinda wasn't, actually lol. oh they referred to it in scripted moments, jokes, parallels, and straightforward statements, but they didn't... show it, particularly. until the confession nothing even approaches the tenderness and emotion of like any of their season 1 scenes, let alone the car scene or the bus stop scene or the ritz or the french revolution rescue or the blitz or eden etc etc. and david tennant did not say one word in that cute hopeful pining tone

to be honest after watching the whole show this is the most disappointing part. like the car scene??? could i not get a sequel to that? let crowley be tender!!!!

i think the reason we don't get scenes like that, other than perhaps uncomfortable restraint due to acknowledging the romance textually, is that they went from crowley practically begging aziraphale to cave and fuck him for centuries to crowley now angry repressed and needing a push to say anything, which also felt wrong to me, like iffy fanfic characterization

it was bad enough that i was nervous they were going to depict neither as actually aware of their feelings. thankfully they did not, and it still feels like crowley has been pining for a thousand years and they've both been aware but dancing around it, with the way the confession was phrased. that should be a pro, actually.

also yk all the obvious things. dumb jokes, a lot of bad acting (i feel like the director is at fault though tbf), not into the twee tone in general for the most part, a lot of scenes that were way too drawn out, utterly nonsensical narrative, characters doing things for no reason other than convenience constantly (why do the lesbians stay to help fight the demons? because their characters are more important and need more screen time), 0 stakes wrt heaven and hell because they're all so wholly ineffectual as antagonists and neither crowley nor aziraphale ever gave a shit about their threats, etc etc

oh lol nina sosanya being cast again as a brand new character, no relation to sister mary loquacious. it's not a big con since i like her and was happy to see her again, but it did feel lazy lol. at least give me the identical twin cousin explanation

was crowley living out of his car a joke bc they don't have the set from last season? did god not restore his flat like the bookshop? what's up with that? and how much time has passed since last season anyway? why didn't he get a new flat? why is he living in his car? what's going on?

nightingale references at the end felt tacked on and awkward to me tbh

ohhhhh raphael!crowley's very obviously hinted at and i hate that headcanon :/

crowley's kinda hilariously gary stuish honestly, making me really miss the book and even season 1 where he was like, yk, fucking incompetent sometimes. here he's lounging on couches without a care while being threatened by heaven and hell multiple times, pulling off perfect shots with no practice, waltzing into heaven without a second thought, bluffing demons easily and successfully, etc. and that's in addition to being right about everything and also being raphael like what happened to my dumbass low-level loser fave who fucked up the apocalypse by accident and lived in terror of phone calls from hell???

heaven and hell are "toxic" lol? that phrasing is so awkward, and like, i'd say minimizing but i guess tbf they didn't pose much of a threat in this season. but still c'mon, why you describing 2 murderous doomsday cults/cold warring governments as toxic like they're your annoying ex? especially after the running gag about nina's shitty girlfriend constantly therapy speaking at her condescendingly lol. how about 'hey remember how they worked together to try to kill us last season?'

oh gabriel/beelzebub of course lol, whatever happened to neil gaiman being unable to read fanfic or even people's headcanon posts for fear of accidentally plagiarizing ideas? bring back the separation between fandom and creator stat, fandom has way too much influence here and fandom fucking sucks

a little petty but honestly the kiss could've been good, yk? there's no reason it had to be bad, they could've just given into it for a bit for a hopeful romantic moment before aziraphale freaks and pulls away. like can i get 2 dudes to kiss with tongue at some point on my television here?

needs more queen

[the-dumpster-fire-of-life]

Hello! I was wondering if you could maybe do headcannons of 2023, Bill Kaulitz with S/O that has an Elegant / Classy Style? Maybe their fashion is inspired by the 1950’s, and is just really fancy and pretty looking :) ? ( You can also do 2000’s him, too if you’d like! )

(Hello! Sure I can! So sorry if this sucks though, lmao. But anyways, enjoy!)

Classy!Styled!Reader

Even if it was in 2023 or back in 2005 I do not think he would care at all about your style

Obviously he thinks you look great in it, I mean he doesn't care what you wear as long as you like it

And if dressing classy and 1950's style is what you liked?

Go for it then boo

I feel like he would be the one to be flaunting you all over

He doesn't care what anyone says about your style he absolutely loves seeing you look so confident and pretty in it

He probably helps you pick out some of the pieces in your wardrobe

If you liked old and vintage stuff, considering your style, I feel like he would be dead set on getting you actual clothes from back then

To surprise you with on like special occasions or maybe on your birthday or anniversary

He knows you can dress to impress at any time and literally can turn heads

He also finds it so cute that when you guys are out you get so many looks and stares

Not the bad ones, he loves the good ones especially from older people from the actual 1950's-1960's

He loves taking your hand and giving you a little spin yo give you little compliments on your outfit

He is the best on noticing small and little fancy details on your outfits

I don't know how he just is able to spot them from so far

Even if it was back when he was younger and y'all were dating he did not care what people said about your style

He would rub how much better you looked than them in their faces

He loves seeing the look on others faces as you would walk into the room all elegant and shit

You guys actually look like two different photos from two different times side by side it's funny

Fans have a little small inside joke about that but it's cute

Plus you both having such different styles is how he was first draw to you in the first place

He would sometimes match with you but in like a more and classy emo style in the 1950's if this was 2005 him

Or he would have small little things from your closet incorporated into his outfits or small ones into yours

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