#even the things that actually brought me joy
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Heart On Your Sleeve Part 5
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
written for steddiebigbang2024 and belatedly posting here!
This part includes the Russian torture scene, so adding a warning for gore/violence just to be safe!
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Eddie comes by Scoops, once Steve gets the job there.
The first time, he laughs at the sailor hat for a minute straight until Steve rolls his eyes and calls back, “I'm taking my lunch!”
“Now?” Robin bitches. “Did you actually get a girl to fall for those ridiculous li-” She cuts off as she comes out of the back room and sees Eddie. “Oh. Huh.”
Eddie flashes a sharp toothed smile at her, and Steve rolls his eyes again and elbows him.
“I'll be back before the actual lunch rush hits this way,” he tells Robin, untying his apron and depositing it to the side of the counter.
To Eddie, he says, “Here, since this brought you so much joy,” and drops the sailor hat onto the top of Eddie's head.
Eddie gives a squawk and squirms around like he's trying to bat him off, though Steve notices he doesn't actually push him away as Steve adjusts the hat to his liking.
“There,” Steve says, shooting Eddie a teasing little grin as he steps back. “You keep that on the whole time, and I'll buy you lunch.”
“A small price to pay for a free meal,” Eddie says solemnly, but his eyes are crinkled a little like they do when he smiles, and he doesn't take the hat off the entire time they eat together.
—
He and Eddie sit out back behind Scoops, passing a cigarette back and forth. It's the end of Steve's shift, and technically he doesn't have to stay anymore, but he's not in a hurry to get home.
Dustin's away at camp, after all.
“Why the hell are you working here?” Eddie asks, sounding like he's been mulling it over for a while.
Steve snorts. “Needed to work somewhere.”
“Okay, fine, but haven't you done the lifeguard thing for like three years?”
Steve - didn't actually expect Eddie to know that, and he shoots him a little smile before he rolls his eyes. “Not a real job, according to my dad. It's just hanging out at the pool all day.”
Eddie scoffs. “Would your dad even know a real job if it bit him?”
“My dad's never really had to work for anything,” Steve mutters. “I didn't get into any of the colleges they wanted me to, so I needed to be taught a lesson. Pretty sure he was hoping it'd humiliate me.”
Eddie tips back, looking him over. “You don't look very humiliated.”
Steve shrugs. “Because I'm not. Yeah, sure, the outfit and the hat are stupid, but work is work. Ice cream makes people happy, I make people happy, it could be worse. Besides, he has no idea what I'm even making here. Every paycheck is a little more I can stash away where he can't touch it.”
Eddie's watching him very closely now, in a way that Steve's never seen before.
“How long have you been doing that?” he asks quietly.
“What, saving money that my dad doesn't know about?” Steve asks.
“Yeah.”
Eddie's face is serious - far more serious than Steve's ever seen him, than he thinks the situation warrants. Steve frowns.
“Since I got my first job, I guess? Anything I ask for from him comes with some kind of string attached, and I got tired of paying for it.”
Eddie's quiet again. “You've gotten in a lot of fights the last couple of years,” he says, slow and careful like he thinks Steve might bolt. “Lot of bruises.”
He clocks on to what Eddie's trying to get at, then, and a rush of relief washes over him as he hurries to set him straight. “Oh, no, my dad's not abusive or anything, just an asshole. He's never hit me.”
Eddie considers that. “Your dad can be an abusive piece of shit without ever hitting you.”
Steve licks his lips, takes his turn watching Eddie a little more closely. “Sounds like you're familiar with it.”
Eddie laughs, sharp and humorless. “Come on, man, you know who my dad is.”
“I know what people say about him,” Steve agrees. “But I've learned not to listen to rumors.”
Eddie flicks the cigarette butt off into the distance.
Steve gets out another one, puts it between his lips to light it. He takes a long drag, then - pulls his heart out of his chest, setting it between them before he passes the cigarette over.
Eddie's eyes drop down to his heart as he takes the cigarette, but this time he doesn't say anything.
Steve still doesn't ask to see his, even though he's tempted.
“You can listen to these ones,” Eddie says after a while. “They're mostly true.”
“You deserve better,” Steve tells him.
He looks over when Eddie doesn't say anything, finding him watching his heart. It's beating strong and steady.
“So do you,” Eddie says without looking up.
They sit in silence for a while longer, until the cigarette is gone.
Then Steve tucks his heart back into his chest and stands up. “Come on, I'll get us lunch.”
Eddie scowls at him. “You bought last time.”
“Yeah, but a conversation like that deserves a burrito bigger than your head, and I've got employee discount,” Steve counters, holding out his hand.
Eddie concedes, accepting his hand up.
—
Steve keeps making up excuses to buy Eddie lunch after that, every time he comes by at the end of an early shift or close to his lunch break on a later shift.
One day he gets them both pizza from Sbarro, and they sit at one of the sticky plastic tables in the food court. It's so small their knees knock together as they devour their slices, but -
But it also means that Steve can tuck his ankle up against Eddie's, hook his foot half around it, and have an excuse if he needs one.
He doesn't need one.
Eddie doesn't move his foot away, but he does shoot wide eyed little looks over at Steve like he's not sure whether this is a joke or not, and -
“Hi,” Steve says, soft and ridiculous and holy shit, he has to have something better than hi.
But apparently hi works, because Eddie ducks his head, looks back up at him with something soft and wary and surprised all at once.
“Hi,” Eddie says back.
And that's -
It's something.
—
Steve gets closer to Robin - their bickering has started to become playful, and even though her teasing's never been mean, now it sounds almost fond. She still gets annoyed when customers watch them work in complete sync and think they're a couple, but now she just rolls her eyes and complains to him later instead of throwing things off by trying to protest it.
It's nice. He thinks he might be winning her over, and it makes the days pass a lot quicker.
—
He doesn't see Eddie for a week after their pizza lunch.
He tries not to think much about it, just tells himself that if he hasn't seen him by the time Dustin comes back from camp, he'll call him.
—
This isn't like any beating he's taken before.
Steve'd thought he was prepared. He was prepared, at least in the beginning. Billy did just as much damage, even if it was in a shorter span of time, and the ache in his ribs and stomach and face is familiar.
He can handle it.
Besides, it doesn't matter how much they hurt him - protecting Robin and Dustin and Erica is more important than anything else.
"Let's take a look at his heart," one of the soldiers says. "See how honest he's really being."
Steve's pretty sure he makes a choked off little guh.
He doesn't want to let them anywhere near his heart.
But on the other hand - he isn't lying as much as they think he is, and maybe that will prove it? They'll have to undo his hands to get him to take it out, and he briefly considers trying to get the drop on them, but he has to concede that probably won't go very well for him.
It's not like they're really asking for his opinion, anyway.
They aren't making any move to untie his hands, either, and Steve's brow scrunches in confusion.
He sees one of them holding what looks like a mix of a gun and a taser. It - honestly, it looks pretty stupid, like a prop in a bad movie, and he wrinkles his nose at it.
They press it up against his ribcage, pull the trigger - and fuck, he jolts back with the force of it.
His chest splits open.
The shock of it makes him numb for a precious few moments, staring down at the gaping hole in his own chest. The pain doesn't hit him until they take his heart out. It feels like it's being carved out of him, ripped from his chest as though he were being mauled by a wild animal, and he has the somewhat hysterical thought that he shouldn't be alive for this.
His heart was torn out of his chest, and somehow it's still beating, erratic and racing.
"Hmm," one of the soldiers says, tilting his heart this way and that. "Feels real."
The soldier squeezes it, and this time Steve screams at the pressure tightening around his heart, making him convulse in his bonds.
The second soldier laughs.
"They're making such good fakes these days," the second soldier says.
The first soldier relaxes his grip, and Steve sucks in ragged gulps of air, too disoriented to really understand what they're saying.
"Much more sophisticated than patches and paint," the first soldier agrees. "What good would a spy be if he showed his real heart?"
"No," Steve protests. "It's real, come on, you can feel it."
There’s no sign of deception from his heart, but it's beating too wildly from the pain to really make a difference.
"We'll see about that," the second soldier says, handing a switchblade to the first.
The first soldier presses the flat of the blade against his heart. "Let's see what's underneath if we shave a little off?"
—
Steve doesn't really remember anything after that. He must have passed out, because the next thing he hears is Robin's voice, and he realizes he's in a different room, tied back to back with her.
His chest aches.
Everything aches, really, but his chest is the worst of it.
Steve looks down, sees himself solid and in one piece again. He might have thought the whole thing was just a pain induced hallucination if it weren't for the unstable beat of his heart. It's pulsing unsteadily, and he feels as though if he even breathes too hard, it might burst into pieces with the next beat.
But he's not alone now.
He's with Robin, and she makes everything better, and even though his heart beats too fast when he thinks of how much he likes her - it's the good kind of too fast, not the kind that makes him think his heart is going to explode.
He is pretty sure that his heart is going to explode, though, that they're probably going to die here. He knows Robin is thinking the same thing - he just knows, like going through Russian secret agent torture together has made them automatically on the same wave length.
They were heading towards being friends before this, he knows, wonders if maybe they could have ever been for real.
It's a shame he doesn't think he'll ever get to find out.
—
Dustin and Erica find them before Steve loses any fingers.
Which is good. He might not be on the basketball team anymore, but he still plays with Lucas sometimes, and he likes all of his fingers attached to his hand and not on the floor of a secret Russian base.
He tells Dustin that as they're escaping from said Russian secret base. Dustin looks a little pale, hugs him tight around the middle, which makes Steve laugh - it should hurt, he thinks, but he doesn't feel a thing.
The only thing he feels is kind of floaty, and the itchy, overheated sensation he always gets when he's had his heart locked inside his chest for too long.
When no one's looking, Steve takes his heart out of his chest.
His stomach turns.
Whatever he's feeling about it seems distant, too far removed for him to be able to react to it, but the physical sensation of his stomach heaving is present and accounted for.
It only barely looks like a heart. The shape of it is hardly visible, more like a double handful of the precut chuck roast he gets to use as stew meat, sluggishly oozing every time it beats.
The thought of putting it back in his chest makes his stomach heave again, but even like this, he knows he can't keep it out in the open.
He rips off the red scarf from his Scoops uniform, wraps it around his heart to hold it together, and ties it off.
There.
Now no one will notice.
This is already written, and my plan is to post one part a day until it's all up here!
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Part 6
Taglist (always happy to add more to this if anyone wants): @fairytalesreality @lostonceandneverfound @wheneverfeasible @awkwardgravity1 @theintrovertedintrovert @thewickedkat @ravenfrog @scarlet-malfoy @missmagillicuddy @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @ollyxar @cringe-culture-is-dead-99 @thedragonsaunt @makewavesandwar @ajeff855 @mae-liz @the-fantastical-asexual @jettestar @warlordess @samsoble @persnicketysquares @cryptid-system @my-love-of-books @mydysfunctionallife @dreamercec @holyangelstudentuniverse
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me disappearing from everyone in rl and on the internet for like half a year?? it’s more likely than you think
#i missed this place so much ffs#my mental health really fucked me over last year and i just kinda….. stopped doing things#even the things that actually brought me joy#which in retrospect was maybe not the best idea?????#thank you brain#still hopelessly in love with käärijä of course#joker out too#that did NOT go away obvs#but i wasn’t the same without all you guys being deranged little freaks with me#i don’t know how active im going to be because i don’t really feel like im part of the group anymore and idk if there’s even a space for me#but im just glad to see all of you being the best fandom on the internet
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hey. pspsps. for whenever u need it. hands u a Talk About Yuor Beasts ticket for azrael and kenix. disappears into my shrub again. woe
HELLOOOO HAI. I FINALLY WROTE THIS HOLY SHIT. just to prepare you people, this thing is going to get LONG. EXTRA LONG COMPARED TO MY USUAL OC RANTPOSTS. 57 paragraphs and about ~7000 words. Yeag ^_^ read at your own risk and if you have a Lot Of Free Time Alrightsies? And also if you want to hear about fucked up and doomed little queer guys! I had tried to cover everything about azranix in here so let's goooo !!!
okay so first of all i will Definitely be reusing some of the old info i have already said about them before because Yeag ^_^ it is definitely needed for context for all the other people that have been following my blog and never read my previous rant posts. And those who just Never Saw Said Oc Posts dhehdsh just so this all would make some sense
and God. i've had kenix and azrael for abouttttt 2+ years by now i think ? ? and their story have changed a lot but GOD they still have such a grip on my soul.,,, cannot think about them without being Plagued very intensely and extremely and severely. they were this one Thing but then their dynamic and relationship evolved and so did they as people and it makes me So Sick of them soemtimes i swearrrr.. . .
so to start off! yeah the already known thing is that they're part of the seven deadly sins order of characters but to make it easier i'll just call them either sins crew or seven sinners. For my own Convenience. The concept of the sins crew is that they are mirroring the main original timeline cast. While the main cast is blessed by the divine in the name of keeping peace of their perspective duties. the sins crew Unfortunately did not get such treatment. To be part of the sins crew is to be abandoned by the gods above Basically. which is exactly their fate! they have curses and not blessings and. to make it short that's just how they have been punished for even having desires! Quite Unfair,, , ,
each of them have their own perspective sins and here, azrael and kenix have envy and lust as their assigned sins respectively. each of their actions that lead to this point are represented by said sins ofcourse but in their own ways (so No not That kind of lust for kenix i know please do not) i think i have explained all the needed context before i get to both of them on their own and then together ^_^ firstly i'll explain azrael because Yeag.
azrael is kind of. Complicated to say the least. a living weapon of some sorts! grown up in a hostile environment where the sole goal was To Win. there was little importance in personal happiness because it was all either to kill or to be killed. and he just grew tired of it yk? his hands only knew the warmth of blood and not the warmth of an another person. A dull and terrified view on life. He could only yearn to know how it is like to live normally without having to worry about being someone's next target.
and then there was someome who knew such happiness. a nameless girl, so full of life. just like him, she had no name from birth. Only a serial number. But yet. She was someone that had no worries like he did. Someone who Had So Much. stood right next to azrael. It felt unreal. Like a dream! A false scenario because surely! Surely that kind of bliss wasn't possible in his world! and yet. Yet. someone knew that feeling that he wished to knew the warmth of himself. Was right in front of his eyes. But he also was envious of her to some degree deep down. envious that she had what he yearned for his entire life while working with these bunch of assassin-esque people. but also!
it is very very safe to say that she meant Everything to him. Like how could she not? her attitude changed his worldview on such a fundamental level that azrael was. Fully convinced that he wouldn't be able to exist without the bright colors she intergrated into his life. spending all of his time with her. her happiness and optimisim was everything he needed. It (the whole relationship) wasn't even exactly anything to Her. like both of them very much saw each other as friends! but azrael meant something different by friends Me Thinks,, , , more like a person that he committed himself to.
"oh you are my friend and i am yours? okay then you have my devotion now. We are Friends and More Than Friends at the same time now :)" like they had something Very Intense and at the same time so one-sided. which is Unfortunate for azrael because! Wow my dude you trusted someone So Much you have let your guard down! Bad Choice my guy! because now it wasn't azrael who was the target. It was her. the nameless has been seen with him so many times that she was in danger because of him. and since he has let his guard down it led to. You know. Her death eventually happening.
the loss of the nameless girl not only broke azrael but changed his worldview once again. Because now he wasn't just apathetic to the entire world around him like he used to be before she appeared in his life, but he despised everything about the world. he was so jealous because now seemingly everyone had everything he had ever wanted! that source of happiness! something he had just mere moments ago! the warmth of blood on his hands coming back to haunt him!
It felt nauseating to see others have that joy. and in a series of overthinking it all, he came to the conclusion that. The others surrounding him have decided to keep happiness a secret from azrael. they were all on it. They knew what they were doing when she died. it is like they have purposefully taken the girl whom meant the world to azrael away from him! but of course how could he not see the truth that was displayed in front of his him this whole time!
coming to that conclusion utterly broke everything azrael knew and built it all anew. His envy was ever so clear to see. he knew that the people surrounding him wanted him to keep being envious of their joy. And so he just decided to ruin it all for them! after all. how come they get to have such happy moments while he has to be left behind in the dark, destroying his youth away for this constant cycle of death to keep going in circles on and on? it felt so utterly unfair to him. There was no use to continue doing what he always did when there wasn't a reason to keep doing it from the start besides living. and how could he live now without the person he treasured by his side?
in the end, his envy of others spiraled into a huge breakdown and caused him to go on a rampage. there were no exact names as his targets, only what his heart and shattered mind told him was the target. and that whole ordeal lead to quite a lot of deaths. ranging from people who at least were azrael's enemies from the past to some degree to innocent bystanders of the world who didn't know that azrael even existed
he found weird comfort in their deaths. Like "wow. i have finally gave in and destroyed what only worsened my misery and envy.. .," he kind of just, , did not feel sorry at all for the murders. even relishing in them in a ?. ? Way. but it all came back to stab him in the back. And Quite Literally too! that is what lead to his death and now his current state. being cursed and with the sin of envy being forever carved into him as a person, his jealously turned into pure venom. like Actually. he has venom running through his body, created from the purest desire for happiness. A man now destined to roam afterlife, forever seen as the pure embodiment of Consequences
so spiteful. so hateful at his very core. although he may be hiding it, but the Venom is present and is very obvious when you look closer into it! his only way to deal with this is to be distant from people. there is no reason to be conversing with the beings that once saw him as such a lowly being. azrael's way of thinking this through is just. Very confusing to say the least. he acted upon his desires but tries to rationalize them at the same time. trying to show that he doesn't care. No he doesn't care. . at least he is convinced so but Truly it is just ?.?? it is clampicated to describe for him. Or something
and now about kenix. Oh god This Dude Man. kenix is Incredibly Fuckjng Complicated as a person man. To start off, i will refer to him as his real name (Yi Dal) sometimes alright? kenix is Very Much a very deeply troubled guy that just represses such feelings. ever since he was born, he was in the dark. Metaphorically and kind of Literally?. since he was a child, he had the whole thing between him and his parents and just His family in general. which was Just Good Fucking Lord how much Inferior he felt to them. he was mostly, if not all the time, reduced to a "servant" for the family. which really contributed to him trying to seek value in himself through being useful to his family
obeying all the orders from his family? No questions asked, although it may hurt, he will at least get some attention. No matter positive or negative. he really just. didn't have a say in anything. for both of the parties, it is all just listening to what he is told to do. And his parents and siblings made that decision consciously. there was never any reason for him being neglected. not that kenix even knows of one! but it was like he was destined to be unacknowledged by them.
kenix was scared to take up space, because what if they find something to be angry about? Something to scold him for? Something to hit him for once again? he may be seeking attention but not in the form of being yelled at or having objects thrown at him. such treatment is still terrifying to him to this very day, a haunting memory at best. He genuinely felt like a little tiny being not deserving of attention with how obvious it was that his siblings were favored far more than him.his parents' treatment towards him made him think that he doesn't have the right to exist in this place without value or a purpose.
the neglect coming from his parents, the humiliation from his siblings. the embarrassment of being treated like a stranger whenever the family was in public. all of those factors reinforcing the idea that kenix is nothing of importance or relevance into his consciousness. kenix really just wanted to be free damnit.he yearned for it, he prayed for such salvation to come save him on a random day of his life but there was. No response as expected. he had never properly felt the warmth of the sun and freedom, only the cold air in his room at night. feels kind of suffocating in here, doesn't it? such a sheltered view on the world. It really is No wonder that kenix wished to escape this place. lacking social interaction and awareness of the outside world, , A shame, really
yi dal had been planning his escape from this god forsaken household for so So long, and he has finally been able to execute it when he was still a teen, about 17 years of age. An opportunity so perfect it truly felt unreal to him. An opportunity to finally feel the fresh air for himself forever and ever? you mean it you mean it you really mean it ?? <- deep down he was so Hopeful man. Man. the first time he was outside in nature by himself?? oh yeag. Yeag that felt like heaven that he himself couldn't believe in. feeling the grass beneath him, the light wind in his face, the chirping of the birds sitting on the trees. what else could he have possibly been missing out on? neither kenix or i know how he has survived about 16 years alone as a 17 years old guy with no social skills or concept of how the world really worked. he did make a fool out of himself but. He got the hang of it! Kind of! Normal social life was hard to get used to but!! ^_^
it truly was impossible for him to predict that at the age of 33, he would be found by his siblings and eventually tracked down, oblivious to what was planned for him. poor poor yi dal. only barely made to his early 30s and yet There It Is. Him laying on the floor, completely devoid of his ability to move his body. a small puddle of blood. Was it his blood? Was the blood of his brother he had manage to stab before being paralyzed? no reason to ponder that now, for he could only watch what was about to happen to him and. That was The Most amount of fear he had ever ever felt in his life. nothing could come close to how he felt when he saw his sister holding something in her hands, his brother following behind her. there were so so many things they could do. and it scared him on such a deep level that he didn't even know existed.
there he is now, a dead man walking and roaming the afterlife. the difference between him and azrael is that kenix acted upon his deepest desire only after he had been killed. the desire to avenge himself. to feel what it was like for his family. to be one of the higher-ups. To finally feel Superior. lusting for power in a way that breaks his morals (hence why this guy is assigned lust as his sin). a desire so strong it basically just Breaks Him Completely. In a way that leaves him so vulnerable that just. Makes him so easy to take advantage of. Disturbingly Too Easy. And that is exactly what fucking happens!!
"prometheus", or well, ephai is at fault here for that. no longer having a physical form, they saw a vessel so perfect in what was left of kenix. A soul that has been shattered into pieces since the start. Kind of. He needed just a little bit of a kick to fall over the edge and never come back to what he was. And they have seen it as an opportunity to prove the existence salvation to kenix. You Know. The guy that even fully gave up on religion and "salvation". And it worked of course it worked on kenix that Little Hopeless Thing— yeag. I could go on and on about kenix and prometheus but this is about azrael and kenix not these two's toxic relationship
prometheus is the key to kenix achieving his goals and in a moment of desperation. When he was offered a chance to avenge himself. To strike back at the people who degraded him the most. To feel in power. He didn't even hesitate to agree to the offer which lead to a little "contract" of some sort happening between them and that's just how kenix has been cursed. kind of like being oblivious to the fact that the salvation he was promised was a punishment in disguise. but it's not like he cares now.. . he has stolen fragments of powers from all kinds of divine beings, all for the sake of fulfilling his own wishes. trading his sanity for power. to the point of almost worshipping the one who has given him this opportunity and making ephai to be a divine entity
kenix himself though, is now more than just a god-like being. he is the flow of time himself. But Uh Oh! Bad News Motherfucker! You are Not Alone in this! because to keep existing like this, he had to take the body of an alternate timeline version of himself. Which just so happened to be the Yi Dal from the main cast's timeline. Who was already part of the main cast. And so essentially while taking over Ken's body, he had to replace him altogether unless they switch hosts. which kenix forbid to do because Good God he doesn't want ken to have anything Really. reasons that i'll get to later because Yeag ^_^ another problem is that prometheus is Also There with them. a third wheel or something so no you got 3 whole separate people in a singular body
so now kenix got himself stuck in a situation where he has to keep up a kind of play. Not pretending to be the version of himself he has replaced per se, but to always appear calm, continue to be soft-spoken and amicable with a formal attitude. because such etiquette and manners are what have enforced into his subconsciousness by his family while he was still living in that household. The manners that have been engraved into his mind by his own will. The facade of not caring about his surroundings. He destroyed his chances to live normally for the sake of his desire. so now kenix just has to pretend that everything is fine when really. Really. he never felt like a person, let alone an indepedent one. it is always him being the shadow of someone else and not seen as someone of his own. previously being the shadow of his siblings and now to be the shadow of ken because. Kenix is not perceived as his own self. Not that he has an identity really! But we will Also get to that later ^>^
now to finally talk about azranix together. their relationship had a pretty Rough start i'd say. Like it wasn't bad! But with azrael's decision to purposefully distance himself from others.., it was Hard for kenix to get closer to him without exactly going against his boundaries. Yes, he did pay attention to when he was getting far too close for azrael's comfort. for what reason did kenix even try to get closer to azrael? Well You See ^_^ he just wants to playfully mess with someone! No other reason! Just innocent little teasing that's all! but both of them have started to note. A lot of things about each other. with azrael's distrust, he was very wary of everything single move coming from kenix. And kenix well just. Tried to notice all the details there are about the person he pursued to know. pure curiosity if you could say that. to azrael there was always Something that was off about kenix and to kenix there was always Something about azrael that peaked his interest.
at the start with how used azrael was with seeing people as some sort of assholes trying to ridicule him, he looked at kenix with a bit of disdain. What if he was also one of such people? Why would he try to seek azrael out of all people? There is that sense of cautiousness that haunted him and his actions. and kenix ultimately decided to become a non-threat in azrael's eyes. otherwise how could he get such an interesting and peculiar person to trust him? to lose on such a great opportunity? no! he had to do it. He Had To. (no no it's not for any particular reason you see, it is just. .)
with every single encounter they have had, azrael just kind of like. Questioned everything about this guy! What Is His Problem! Why Is He Trying To Pry On Me! and so on. and with enough amount of times of them meeting each other in various places, azrael just went "fuck it, i'll try to get the answers to my questions straight from him" and such thinking led him to the Confrontation part. with his frustration present, he really just could not wrap his head around the fact that someone wants to know more about Him. that someone would even find Him interesting. he is trying so hard to avoid such relationships for the sake of himself and. Others to some degree. That an idea that someone once again would want to be a companion to him is just a Bizarre Concept. and kenix answered his questions, albeit not exactly. only a smile and "Wouldn't you want a friend yourself, in this place?"
which is exactly what was needed to crack azrael's front, even just a tiny bit. perhaps kenix was right. this place was Lonely. So Incredibly Lonely. maybe even reminiscent of azrael's past. and that made him realize just how much worse the situation was. to finally be aware of he had to stay here like this for hundreds of years, if not thousands. If not for all eternity. Destined to slowly disappear into thin air. with a few other people who are just like you by your side. a reminder that everything that could've saved you has Abandoned You. Even the divine above have abandoned you. A reminder that there is no one. And nothing. that is coming to save them. He is Alone. And Will Be Alone. his decision to distance from his only source of human interaction has always been a self-fulfilling prophecy of him swallowing his own venom. denying himself everything out of envy and hatred that is wallowing inside him. like a serpent on his shoulder. azrael is just a self-fulfilling prophecy of self-destructive at times that it is like Hey Dude. Please Don't Continue To Do That.
realizing just how fucked up everything in this situation is possibly may have made him just a tinyyy bit Desperate. more willing to finally open up to others a little. more accepting of letting people into his life. It is so fascinating that a single question from kenix is what managed to change his mind. azrael letting his guard down after so long! truly a miracle that we Cannot tell the aftermath of. and thus azrael has started to seek kenix out on purpose while still noting more things about him. Trying to figure him out like what kenix has been doing this whole time, you know? if kenix gets to pry on his life, then azrael might as well just do the same
it was a slow, slow way of actually getting to know each other at a deeper level because kenix. Like always. has tried to keep his past and his general life a secret. A mystery of some sorts. he wasn't really an enigma, azrael just. Never could figure out things about his family, his past life and what else has brought him here like the rest of the sinners. there were always moments about his story that he always left out on purpose. he never went into detailing anything he explained about himself. giving azrael only (mostly) surface level bits of information about himself. and azrael well, did much the same because he still felt that kenix shouldn't be trusted fully.
despite all that, azrael and kenix did manage to start bonding more! they both learned more about each other's story and felt. Sympathy for each other's struggles. as well as bonding over facing the same Horrors™ each day and they just had to learn to get through it together. To survive the troubles with each other by their side. learning more about each other through such dangerous encounters with the unknown things unable to be communicated with. having to find comfort in each other's presence if you understand what i'm trying to convey here. which then evolves into far more intimate moments being shared between them both where one helps the other with his problems and their opinions of each other turning into "ohh so we are one of the same to some degree. then i'll trust you more because i have seen you struggle with the same problems i have in the same way i do"
with the circumstances they were in, they got attached to each other's company Pretty Easily. considering how both of them severely lacked such companionship in their lives. it was a change of pace for the both of them For Sure. after years and years of being together, the trust they built in their relationship was Incomparable to anything else to be honest. they knew each other so so So long that it is now like both of them wouldn't be able to get anywhere without each other. they both had their own reasons for pursuing each other in this sense in specific but for kenix. it always was a desperate attempt for find someone to be there for him covered up as curiousity. kenix has always and Always followed orders his entire life, at first from his family now to listening to whatever prometheus whispers in his mind. his decisions always had this underlying tone of not being by free will. he does what he is told to do.
But trusting azrael and trying his best to be a trustworthy person in his eyes is the first decision that kenix has done by himself. It was his own free will which wanted to befriend azrael in specific. clinging onto him, knowing that azrael could be the one person to understand his troubles. kenix is very much aware of his fate being abruptly ended at some point and he knows that it will come soon. It is only a matter of time. following the orders of prometheus is the only way he can buy himself time to survive. Because he Needs to.
He must persist and keep living. he grasped at the concept of him being allowed to live only if he brings value to others for this long that. he just couldn't bear the thought of becoming Nothing if he wasn't anything of such value. seeking attention and validation through all means possible. all of his terrific actions had no reason other than desperation for recognition behind them. A villain who seemed to be enjoying all of this has only done this for the sake of surviving an another day.
Yet. every time kenix wanted to actually open up to azrael, it turns into a blockage in his throat. Unable to speak up, becoming a voiceless being of some sorts., , the reason being the fear of rejection in his soul. Kenix had to grasp at anything that would've given him a purpose. being prometheus's vessel was exactly done out of that desperation he wasn't even aware of. without the facade, kenix is No One. there is No One behind his carefully curated formal facade. Nothing but an incoherent mess. kenix lacks an identity. But the lack of it, then, is his identity: nothingness, absolute null. All of his emotions and feelings have always been repressed and they continue to be repressed even now. So no matter how hard he tries to differentiate himself from others, he'll end up being someone unintentionally because there is No Originality in him. And that is exactly how there is nothing about his real "self" that he thinks people would want to stay for.
with how much kenix has been repressing his emotions, discarding them and thinking of them as "fake" because he thinks that anything he felt emotionally is a lie. Because he built his whole self on a lie. A lie that he wanted this. he has now managed to lie to himself. thinking that the affection and love he holds for azrael is not real. That their bond is not real. That if he tried to show what he has been hiding behind his front for years, he would drive azrael away from him. When their relationship very much is real! kenix has no idea how to tell what was true and what was fake in him apart, so he just decided to think that everything he feels is a lie
yet. The repressed feelings, the suppressed emotions. They're all still there. Forming an incoherent mess inside of his mind and body. but even then without that mass of emotions, there is nothing else about kenix that is distinct. pure nothingness. and it Truly Scares him to even think of a scenario where azrael finds out what hollow husk of a man kenix is beneath his facade. The fear that azrael would be disgusted. That he would see him as a lowly creature. so kenix can never be truly honest about himself with azrael out of fear that the only person who understood him will leave. he tries to be so careful when talking to azrael lest he would let something about him slip. he can't just lose someone him, no.
but azrael is patient with him, he always has been. he shall wait all the needed time until kenix finally gathers the courage. he may not know what kenix has been meaning to tell him this entire time, but he can see his attempts ever so clearly. kenix is trying his best and azrael wants to make sure that kenix knows that it's alright. azrael may not be an overly kind and positive person but. If it means that someone who needs to be reassured will hear it. Well then. . . yet kenix could never be able to wrap his head around how that could be true. because of how much he was used to the lie he convinced himself with. he has told himself the same thing over and over again so many times that finally being told the opposite truth is just Shocking to him. the fact that someone doesn't want him for his value but for who he is a person
to bring back a previous point, kenix's problem with ken too, is just how much ken makes kenix realize that he is the extra one of the two. Ken had a normal life, he had a normal family, he had everything, ken had it all !. and kenix had nothing to himself. All of it - stolen. it is not even his own physical body, but the body of the original. he is perceived as someone else, he is not distinct from that someone at all in the eyes of others. despite all of his attempts to show himself as an independent person, he will forever be considered. A shadow of someone else. a shadow of the original and it pains him. and now azrael and the other sinners are the only people to ever treat kenix like a person. not like he is somebody else. But his own self. And he couldn't be more grateful that they do. That Azrael Does.
yet he can't be honest. No. No that would destroy everything he has built. everything he has worked for. but the desire. The wish to stay true to the only person he ever would consider being honest with. it has only grown stronger. The reason why he hasn't managed to tell azrael anything is solely because kenix simply felt like it wasn't the time. it will never be the time. so his one and only option was to finally tell azrael his real name. Yi Dal. although it doesn't seem like much, azrael understood the importance of this to kenix. from connecting the pieces of kenix's past story from everything he has ever told him, he could figure out that kenix only has bad associations with his real name regarding his past.
maybe. Just maybe. he could change his view on his real name, the same way kenix changed his view on his surroundings. To become the positive association that is worth remembering whenever kenix is referred by his real name. To be that something to look back at fondly.
And then the Creature�� phases come around with each of them turning into some sorts of fucken beasts ^_^. the cursed forms that in all shapes and forms represent their desires and their inner selves. for each sinner and other curse bearers, these forms are different. but for azrael and kenix.
azrael's form is completely unable to speak in full sentences. it barely speaks Actually. seeming to be straight-forward but it only just shows how azrael was not able to speak out what he thought. he was all action and no talk. which is exactly how his rampage started. he only came to conclusions from so much overthinking and hasn't tried to communicate with anyone. he just thought ot everyone as a traitor and shallow people. it really highlighted just how much he trusted his jealousy and envy rather than confirming things for himself
yet the creature seemed. More over fine with kenix's presence. Like he wasn't just a little friendly being to him! he still lashed out and acted irrationally because this form reflected on azrael's loses and overthinking that jumps straight into conclusions! but he still acted less aggressive with kenix. he didn't need to overthink his actions because of the trust he has in kenix. a bond that was stronger than the envy whispering all sorts of things into his ears. He Knows that he doesn't have to doubt him. yet he is Stuck in this box. a labyrinth of constant hesitation to Trust not only others but himself too. he wishes to free himself from such shackles but it is hard. it has always been hard to let go and change his mindset when it always was his only defense mechanism from being hurt. all of these struggles shaping themselves as a scorpion, a serpent, a venomous creature. something that symbolizes hidden danger. and yet, kenix has found beauty and something to love in such a devasting depiction of his partner. the purest way to show what he truly felt. how much he just hid this somewhere inside of himself. something that he couldn't help but feel pity for
and kenix shall do anything to prove that even then. it's going to be okay. he knows it's okay. azrael has always told him it is alright to feel like this, so surely he meant it for everyone? all struggles will pass eventually and you'll become stronger than ever, that's what azrael has told him a long time ago. even if kenix doesn't see a future for himself, he wants to make that promising future for his only love. To help him become resilient Together. He knows that azrael can do it, he had been through so much. he know he could get through this as well and break free from the curse.
and as for kenix's cursed form and the overrall story it is. So much more .? ?. his cursed form is much more bizarre compared to others. a constant variation of geometrical shapes and other possible physical forms, emiting a some sort of glow. He has lost all of his human characteristics. The true form of his self. the mass of emotions and feelings that have been repressed for decades, even centuries, has finally spilled over. creating a mess out of himself. A fool now no longer bound to a facade but is now letting all of that anguish out. so much madness, frustration and sorrow suppressed in him that is now out in the open for everyone to see. a being no longer able to communicate, for he has turned into something that is only capable of Wails. Sobs out loud. Muffled screams of agony. so many emotions he had yet to properly address yet that it is all coming in as an overwhelming wave of terror. he can no longer hide himself beside a neatly made front
a seemingly unapologetic "villain" reduced to a sorrowful creature. a being so clearly desperate for freedom. to know who he is. to finally be free from these principles chaining him to a life of silence until his death. he feels that his demise is coming soon. and he can't do anything about it. for now he can only be a hostile monster. a vessel, a prophet for prometheus's salvation. because this was planned to be his end a long long time ago. this was his purpose. his only value. once this is done, he will be gone for too. finishing his duty, being allowed rest. despite how much he yearns to keep living. but kenix has always been about acceptance. acceptance of his fate. This Miserable Fate
yet azrael found himself only feeling sympathy, for this was the moment that he has finally learned about his partner's true feelings. and it hurt to hear someone so important and dear to him wallow in pain and anguish like that. that version of kenix was a hostile being, but he still so clearly needed help. he needed the courage to overcome this. to break free from prometheus's influence over everything he did because he never had confidence in such actions. and azrael wanted to help with just that despite their current barrier where they cannot understand one another. just like kenix helped him, he wanted to help kenix create his own future to look forward to. without death. with azrael by his side. to survive. to keep living just like kenix desired to this whole time.
the end of their chapters as cursed beings meant that the both of them could finally experience relief together. a moment of Bliss. the realization that it is over. they get to exist, unshackled from the burdens that once plagued their minds. a possibility for salvation. a chance to live without being bound to their past or their inner desires. just peace and tranquility, their one true wish
But Uh Oh! Bad News Motherfuckers! Y'all forgot this shit was a death timeloop! With how i previously mentioned that the actual protagonist of the story, Yaku, has started a timeloop rooted in the desire of saving what meant the world to him that was dying at the end of the journey. The same kind of important people who cruelly had their lives cut short. And The only other character aware of this timeloop was well. Kenix! with this sudden ending of lives for most of the casts, azrael had also became a victim to these abrupt endings.
having to witness his love's life fade away before his eyes, it is only natural for kenix to also be shocked at the situation that yaku is also stuck in. and this scenario is exactly how yaku became the last one to be cursed, his curse rooted in his one biggest desire. a selfish deed covered up as an act of selflessness. their timelines' restarting, the flow of time now looping on and on until yaku manages to save everyone from these deaths
kenix had no control over this, he was forced to watch the protagonist and his nephew descend into madness over a singular goal. while also having to relive his entire life over and over again. a cycle of misery for everyone involved. the others would never be able to realize that this was a timeloop, so the first and the original time they had done this. Has became their script. that everyone, including kenix, had to follow until the end
of course in the first few loops, kenix had also tried to do everything in his power to ensure that his friends. that azrael. would be safe from their gruesome demise. yet their endings had already been written as part of the unchangeable fate by the forces above. neither kenix or yaku had a chance at succeeding. despite kenix's own attempts to save his partner, there was nothing he could do. he could only Watch how his impending doom was slowly getting closer
it was Painful. he could see azrael, he feel him, talk to him, interact with him in general just like normal. yet it wasn't him. no that could never be azrael ever again. that azrael felt surreal. abnormal. like he was programmed beforehand. there was nothing new about him and he felt so Off. Because kenix was aware that this is just the repeating of their original story. it's like he talked to someone playing pretend. his original feeling of "this doesn't feel real (positive)" when he first met azrael has turned into "this doesn't feel real. (derogatory)" kind of feeling. seeing azrael like this was just tormenting. a painful reminder that he will, one day, leave him not by will. and kenix will have to learn to live without him
to live without the person who had shown him love and how to love for the first time ever. a someone who had changed the course of his life so much. brought down what kenix had thought of the world and built it anew. keeping his silence about the truth because now. it was the only the thing that he could never ever tell azrael. what he had seen that day. None of it. for his sake.
perhaps, if they had never met here. if they had met at a different time.
In short, they are so fucking Doomed.
smth smth. Yeag. Good Fucking Lord They Make Me Sick
#there are so so many things kenix wants to tell azrael. yet that fear lingering in his heart that becomes the obstacle in his throat.#kenix is scared of rejection by the only person he loved but azrael never would reject him in the first place.#azrael had always been a guide to him in the situations that seemed like they had no way out of.#knowing that he always had someone to rely on. someone to come back to and greet kenix with open arms.#while kenix was something else for azrael. That someone that brought joy to his life. Like the nameless girl.#azrael will always seek out kenix. he'll find him through any means possible. to make sure that he's safe#he doesn't want to repeat his reckless mistake after all.#this is not even talking about how they both take care of the same 12 yr old girl (sora) who is part of the sins crew#essentially becoming her parents. growing even closer to each other#this whole thing is why i like the idea azrael and 2nd main story arc kenix interacting.#kenix in a far better state of mind still grieving the loss of his beloved people. getting to see that one special someone again#a bittersweet thought.#however. kenix would no longer ever seek that kind of love with someone else. what he had with azrael Was Special#forever immortalizing it by keeping azrael's ring he had gifted him and remembering his partner.#to find someone else is to betray his only love. And he could never bear the thought of having to live with that#azrael may have been deleted from this reality with no one else to remember him. But kenix will forever keep him in his heart#perhaps if things were different. they could still be writing their next chapter together.#but i guess there's no point in lamenting about that now Huh?#okay but actually. CRYING AND SOBBIJG AND POINTING AT THEM. GOD THEY MAKE ME SO SAD.#“they had such a close bond that they meant everything to each other” “yeah idk man They're So Fucking Gay For Each Other”#yomo ocs?!#yomoart#ocs#kenix#azrael
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Sometimes venturing onto the For You side of Twitter sparks joy.
Based take. Shoujo and Josei are fucking top notch, both in characters and art style (how can you not think they’re beautiful?)
“Ruined the JJK and MHA fandoms” is WILD. I avoid fandoms for the most part (except perusing tumblr for the occasional fucking thesis women write about character motivations i love you women <3) because they usually suck. Seriously, I kept up with OPM for a bit because it was entertaining but holy shit the subreddit (very much full of men) is literally just… sexy woman. More sexy woman. Memes about artist constantly drawing sexy woman. Memes. Occasional power scaling arguments. Low quality page colorings of the exact same page. There is NOTHING. How the hell can women ruin the fandom when the fandom IS the women?!
It’s the women creating in depth analyses on characters; it’s the women writing fanfiction, creating doujinshis; it’s the women creating fandom centered accounts; it’s the women buying every new merch piece that comes out AND giving free advertising by posting about it online. And then men will go on and rag on women for doing all these things. It’s infuriating.
Longevity of a series is also something these idiots ignore. Seriously, look at Katekyo Hitman Reborn. The manga ended in 2012 and the creator is working on a different series. Katekyo Hitman Reborn still gets regular merch releases. This is a series that ended over a decade ago and still has an incredibly dedicated fanbase of, I wonder who, that regularly spends enough money to keep it consistent. You cannot look me in the eyes and tell me that series is supported mainly by men. I do not care how hard Amano Akira tried to alienate her female fans with her treatment of the female characters you know exactly whos spending the money based on who is constantly getting merch (minus the titular character, because of course he has to be there.)
Honestly I don’t give a damn that fandom can often be absolute insanity; you get a group of people together and it’s always going to be a shitshow, that isn’t unique to fandom, people just like to pretend it is because as always, there’s an undercurrent of misogyny because people know women carry that shit but they only want to acknowledge it when they can use it to criticize them.
I love that she came for the JJK fandom as well. I’ve been following the series because honestly it is really fucking funny because it is the epitome of shounen tropes. The author literally baked them into the world. Explaining your abilities to the opponent makes them stronger. So this entire series you get giant pages of just white with text explaining every little fucking thing like theres a narrator standing over your shoulder making sure you can’t possibly miss anything on the first read. Fuck dude, I don’t mind exorbitant amounts of text in my manga, but you cannot be serious in pretending that is good writing. There’s a deus ex machina that every character can pull out of their ass called a binding vow. Black flash also falls into this category.
Hell, the latest arc has literally just been flashback after flashback playing during the battle of the characters forming a bunch of plans in preparation for the fight we currently are following. This is genuinely one of my most hated tropes. The characters just get off screen power ups that then get handwaved as “well we showed you the flashback right?” there is NO anticipation, any excitement you feel for the battle is purely manufactured rather than genuine. It’s not “I can’t wait to see how the growth I followed of these characters affects the battle” it’s “wow, what cool ability will they pull out of their ass next?” I hate it I loathe it and it’s even worse with emotional moments. Why couldn’t you write this into the story in the first place? Why are you giving it to me in a shitty flashback?
Maybe I didn’t explain it well enough because I launched into a rant. The reason I hated it so much is because it forced the reader to be an observer rather than an active participant in the manga. Everything is spoonfed to you. You don’t need to reread the chapters over and over to put together the pieces on how, where, and why each action took place, the author does that for you. You don’t see everything from a new perspective when you read it a second time, catching lots of things you may have missed because you’re not allowed to miss anything the author deems important.
I enjoy this manga. There is good things about it. But it is nowhere near the god manga (“kamige” would be the term if it was a visual novel; I don’t know a manga equivalent) men like to pretend it is. It genuinely seems like they think everything being explained every page is good writing.
Based and succinct.
Anyway, you shouldn’t restrict yourself from experiencing specific genres because they’re for “the lessers” because that’s actually fucking cringe and maybe you should touch a Josei manga, or even a Shoujo manga. Maybe it’ll open your eyes and you’ll realize, hey, women’s media is actually- oh who the fuck am I kidding just pull the trigger.
#taking the bait and getting mad about things that dont matter dot rtf#i would genuinely love to write actual well thought out well written and well researched essays on the shit im into#but going on barely edited rants is easier and gives me those feel good chemicals faster#i started this with twitter sparking joy then proceeded to go on a rant about how much hate fills my heart#i hope my ranting is at least somewhat coherent because my thought process is incredibly scattered right now#i also rant about JJKs writing because i was going to do that one of these days anyway but i read my sleeper activation phrase in a tweet#basically im mad at how much men ignore womens contributions to the series they claim to enjoy#no evidence is ever good enough for them either#you have a japanese study showing the sex division for a popular series has an even 50:50 split?#it doesnt fit the exact parameters that i believe it should! (angry mention about ‘the gays’ when they werent even brought up)#also yeah im sure when theres an even amount of both women and men watching something ONLY the men actually contribute right#ask me about my opinions i dont bite ;^)#also i need a nap because i have been awake far too long hello insomnia#was about to go to sleep then i was provoked and had to fight (opened twitter and then rant on a blog out in nowhere)#goodnight (its noon)
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the biggest thing about X6 is not that he doesn't think of himself as human (though he doesn't, and according to some it's correct) BUT that he doesn't see himself as a Person
#searching through the X6-88 tag on tumblr has not brought me joy#also. 1 thing about is that i hate hate hate the (i think) canon blue eyes he has. like. for fucking what#1st i saw them on tumblr and thought 'well thats stupid. whyd you give him blue eyes? so hed look special? thats weird. at least its uncanon#also. on god. i saw some post headcanoning the companions' appearances and it was p cool UNTIL they got to x6#and they gave him grey 'almost white' eyes for literally no reason. like if you want to go with the scary factor theres so many ways for it#but no. some people think that blue/grey eyes are sooo special. and for what#<- i have brown eyes but im not just being salty. it really sucks. i dont wanna be the one to call fandom racism but it does smell like it!#also like. i didnt want to go on a stupid tirade about racism in the tags again but the way fandom treats x6 AND preston is just upsetting#other people have made some very good points about it and im not going to repeat them here (also noones gonna read this)#but like... theres 3 'main' black characters that i remember: preston garvey (whom the stron majority of the fandom hates/disliked)#x6-88 (basically the players slave? also hated for being mean and unfeeling (which is justified imo). no quest no freedom no nothing)#and gloria (who i havent met in game but ive heard some actual criticisms of (like. the way shes treated ingame) and noone else talks about)#if theres any other Named and Important characters. sorry but i literally do not remember them#coming back to x6 being justified in being unemotional/mean. he was literally raised this way. he doesnt consider himself to be a person#being he was made that way. he is a Thing and hes meant for one job and hes made to inspire fear#and hes not supposed to have emotions so he just. doesnt. if he does he cant express them anyways#1 if fallout4 was a better written game (or 2 if x6 was white) i think thered be SO much fanfiction about him. the possibilities are endless#i have something brewing in the back of my head. i might start writing even though i suck and its going to be bad#ANYWAYS. general fandom thought on x6 are WRONG and im being a HATER. fuck everyone who doesn't like x6. if you dont like x6 get off tumblr#especially if you like gage but not x6. leave fr#i just woke up wtf am i doingggg
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just played some Case Files with LoV part in it and just thought about a giant project like "every LoV filler ever in ANY media"
like games, manga (including those SMASH!! pages) or irl events (like ONE of LoV seyuu playing as LoV without any real footage of it) and most importantly - Ultra Impact events, but sadly I don't have ALL of them of at least I can't share jp server events that I know at least one happened before global started
I'm not that good with knowing what Ultra Rumble has as something special other than emotes, some phrases or outfits and I don't exactly play it
One's Justice 2 (the one Horikoshi named chapter with Hawks and Twice after) on the other hand has literally tons of interactions from just battle things and recruit talks that depend on your trust of something level to Arcade where defeat and a win give you a mini dialogue and LoV has levels with each other
the only problem with the latter is that I either did level them all up too much already and it would be a pain to lose progress or I'm not really interested in doing already hard to make screenshots one by one FOR EVERY SINGLE LOV FIGHT twice.
But since I've never found actual archive of those things aside from occasional video of Plus Ultra attacks or voicelines without any subtitles for jp vers or again Plus Ultra attacks only for the new characters... that's either worthless or it doesn't matter as much
Still! While 1-A class fillers and stories are so easy to find - literally in the novels or 90% of SMASH!! and Team-Up Missions (and I saw one thing that suspiciosly had LoV in there but still looking through it) while anything semi-canon or at least that can be considered such with LoV is either serves it's purpose in the final arc of the manga now or is actually hard to find since wiki doesn't actually keep up with the official games
maybe it's just an excuse to show little things that Ultra Impact keeps as it's canon for events like Tomura being good at poker and it first was in his "holiday story" and then it appeared in the event much later chronologically with MLA already working with LoV
Also if I remember correctly there are multiple vids with LoV somewhat main point of focus and there are still cool (like that one part of Peace Sign with villains suddenly being there for couple of seconds)
but meh... it's still just 1 am thoughts mostly
#bnha#league of villains#ultra impact#a little bit lazy to even go get some oj2 and ur screenshots#but I do have the case files screenshots and they brought me some joy#Spinner being a Stain fan that actually alerts the true one after the copy doesn't get to keep the figure that it actually existed#Tomura and Dabi were literally chilling while it happened bored even#after that it went to the heroes side and I got bored REALLY quickly#still pissed that LoV side doesn't exist in the novels#at least last time I checked!#oh and I think with all of the volumes in jp you can ACTUALLY make a collection of LoV on the spines of the volumes#it's not every single one here yet#just Twice Tomura and Toga ones#in any case LoV got a lot more recognition in the filler side of things last couple of years#and I totally forgot about Blu-ray stuff there's like one or two stories with LoV in there#shigaraki tomura#toga himiko#dabi#spinner#twice#there should also be mr compress but that's a lot of screenshots already#in any case that one bar post is still in my mind constantly#not art
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Happy Birthday to my Sunshine Boy 🌻 🩵 ☀️
#knb#kuroko no basuke#kuroko no basket#my art#fanart#hayama kotarou#hayama kotaro#my boy#HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BOY#giving someone sunflowers for birthday means you want their life to be filled with cheerfulness excitement and all the joy of the world#exactly what kotarous characters brought to me#and giving someone 5 sunflowers is a way to tell them 'i love you so much'#EXACTLY WHAT I WOULD TELL TO HIM#my sunshine boy deserves only the best things in the world#i killed myself over the background pls appreciate it <3#i dont usually do almost full illustrations#so this took some time#even though it is not that complicated#if you think this is all NO I HAVE ANOTHER DRAWING that is actually going to have the words 'happy birthday' written over it#this is just something for my soul and just a little appreciation drawing#ahhh i just love kocchan so much#i could draw him a million times
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Shipping real people is so gross TF get a life
sending anon hate is so gross TF get a life
#anon#listen babes i have to wake up at 6am on mondays and i am NOT a morning person#so you decided to fuck with exactly the wrong person today#could i just delete this? oh yes and in fact i almost did#i have no need or desire to justify myself to you 🤷♂️#but like i mentioned... i am NOT a morning person. in fact i hate everyone and everything in the mornings#and you've just given me the chance to take it out on you xx#so here goes#the thing about rpf is that it gets a really bad rep but in all honesty it's not *that* different to any other fandom culture#i say this because rpf = real person FICTION. it is inspired by the versions of public figures that we get to see on our screens#(exactly like other fanfic/shipping is about fictional characters portrayed by actors)#in neither case do the characters we are 'shipping' actually exist - and most people are perfectly aware of that#(YOU anon are probably not! but let me tell you this: the versions of celebrities *we* get to see are their public selves and#almost certainly not the same versions as who they are behind closed doors and with no cameras. AND THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT)#it's still a character of sorts who people are taking inspiration from. and as long as it's never brought to the attention of the real#real person in question; then there is absolutely NO harm to it#let people find joy and inspiration wherever they want; anon!#but you probably don't understand either concept ('joy' or 'inspiration')#because your idea of 'fun' is coming into other people's private fandom spaces and attempting to bring them down#like the worst kind of high school bully except that you are even more fucking cowardly because you don't even have the grace to#say anything directly to our faces. nooooo you have to hide behind the anon function because you KNOW what you're doing is wrong#dickhead.#that is all i have to say to you!#hope you have a properly awful Monday anon - as joyless and inspirationless as you evidently are xx
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Steeples my fingers
Hyperfixation this morning has me doing an EXTREMELY deep dive on Chuck Tingle for what I want to be a video essay and...
I may try to reach out to him personally to see if he'd be willing to answer a couple questions once I've got a good chunk of my script finished. He seems at least friendly enough to turn me down if he doesn't trust a rando on the internet so I won't be stuck in "DM Read" limbo
#i don't even have like questions about his personal life - that's his business#it's weirdly specific things that i'd like to hear from him and not some smarmy article that clearly doesn't give him any credit#I just. he's brought me a lot of joy in the last few months#and seeing him talk openly about being autistic#being bi and the erasure that comes with it#and genuinely just being this really nice beacon of LOVE IS REAL light while everything feels like its crashing and burning#its really nice#and seeing him being frustrated about how people think he's not a real person. or not being earnest#i feel that buckaroo#actually I think the first thing I'd ask about is pronouns?#they're not listed on any of his social media and I know a lot of ppl default to 'he'#but seeing discussions about identifying as non-dysphoric transgender makes me question if there would be a preference
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spent way too long reading (one of?) the twitter links on that franzeska fandom racism post, and my tumblr app refreshed. if someone happens to see it or reblogged it recently, could you send it my way? thanks!
#hoo boy do i have a lot of experience getting hate for just discussing racism in fandom#idk who remembers my time in the hamiltom fandom but me & my then gf had to leave bc the constant racism FROM hamilton fans + racism from#anti-hamilton people who would say racist shit to her for being Black in thp fandom. and i remember our finals straws sooo vividly like#people do not want to see fans of color find joy like they actively will celebrate something as white ppl & then turn around and say oh but#its hypocritical for you to do this because xyz. and even the anons we had were so different me being white & her being Black#where i would mostly get 'actually george washington was a good slave owner' and i would waste my time debunking that bs#she would mostly get personal attacks about her & her ancestors - calling her offensive names & just people saying the most heinous things#she was one of the smartest & most passionate young historians i knew & fandom racism destroyed that drive#and when i say i hate hamilton this is what I'm talking about btw#there were a few racists in thp fandom before hamilton but they were manageable with the block button but hamilton brought out the worst of#a lot of people#racism
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I take back... SOME of my negativity about fe:engage. Now that I'm out of prolog hell I have decided the fun eclipses the annoyances. For now.
#speculation nation#engage spoilers/#i still think the ring emblem thing is cheap#... but it also brought me a lot of joy to see and hear Celica again. same voice actress 😭 even if her sprite looks different (worse)#the real separating moment tho was when i went to the side summoning thing and mae showed up. i gasped a little ngl.#apparently i couldnt give less of a shit about marth or sigurd. but celica and the Valentia crew... 😭😭😭😭😭😭#i mean itd probably just be better to play echoes instead of engage if what is bringing me the most joy in this game is Valentia Crew#which. god i wish echoes was longer than it is. it's Easily my favorite fire emblem game#in characters. story. art. music. tactics (LOVE the battle maps)#there is not a single thing i dislike about echoes. aside from the length i guess. but really i just obsessively play it anytime i play#so it feels so short but i do dump a good 50 hours per game. so not Long but not short#ive replayed it like 3 times at least. and god i miss it. i always wanna play it more.#maybe my next game i should play on hard. i enjoy the challenge more lol#uhm. well. ok so engage is still incredibly lackluster in comparison to echoes. but really that's an impossible standard for it to meet. so#other thoughts: i HATE HATE HATE this princess' dress SO fucking much. i though alfred's fucking panteloons were stupid#but her fucking bulb dress is so much worse. and she's not even a healer!!!!! another squishy mage but with a sword too >:(#she came with celica which made it obvious she's meant as a celica copy. but at least celica can heal >:(#i wonder if alm is somewhere. probably in the land of strength??? if i had to guess at least.#ok but the princess' retainers... i actually kinda like them... their voices are actually decent! and that pegasus rider is... 😳#i desperately need another monk. current girl is decently useful as a healer but she is weak as FUCK#the punchy stuff seems cool but i never see it cause i gotta keep her off the front lines bc she's SQUISHY#im warming up to the twins. still hate their voices & i hate when theyre fanboying.#but removed from the protag theyre kind of sweet. plus passably useful in battle.#god i need another healer tho lmfao. pls @ the game give me another healer soon...
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The Littlest Surprise : ̗̀➛ Charles LeClerc
summary: when your lack of presence around the paddock is noted, fans start to speculate. little do they know the real reason for your disappearance…
pairing: charles leclerc x reader
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liked by ynusername, carlossainz55 and 2,483,608 others
charles_leclerc: always a joy to have my beautiful niece and nephew at the race and enjoy my biggest fans cheering me on ❤️🏎️
328,605 comments
username1: wondering at what point yn actually decides to show her face again…
carlossainz55: and there i was thinking you were waving up at me 💔
charles_leclerc: @/carlossainz55 when you’re as cute as these two I’ll consider it 😘
username2: some support yn is constantly leaving you at races alone
username3: how come the whole family managed to be there apart from yn 🙃
maxverstappen1: it must be easy being the cool uncle with all that money to your name!
username4: the best uncle is gonna make the best dad too one day 😭
oscarpiastri: how come cousin oscar didn’t get to meet these cool guys!?
charles_leclerc: @/oscarpiastri they only wanna meet the cool drivers 😂
landonorris: @/charles_leclerc you shoulda brought them over to me then 😎
username5: I don’t wanna be that person, but it’s been a long time since we saw yn on the feed…
pierregasly: it was so nice to see them both this weekend 🫶🏻
username6: can we all just calm down, I’m sure yn and charles are fine!!
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liked by landonorris, maxverstappen1 and 3,693,127 others
charles_leclerc: the race of dreams, so proud of how the whole team performed this weekend 🏆❤️
372,579 comments
landonorris: super race my friend, enjoy the celebrations 🎉
username7: a whole podium and still no sight of yn anywhere 🤔
username8: anyone thought that yn might just be busy??
maxverstappen1: btw I let you have this one 😂
charles_leclerc: @/maxverstappen1 yeah sure you did… 😂😂😂
username9: congratulations charles, so deserved this weekend 🏆
username10: at least the team is there to celebrate with you 🙄
carlossainz55: ik how much this means to you, couldn’t be happier for you brother ☺️
username11: I’m sure yn and charles will celebrate together, with privacy…
username12: I’m so proud of you winning your home race!!
arthur_leclerc: I’ve got the perfect plans for this evening don’t worry about a thing 🤔
charles_leclerc: @/arthur_leclerc that immediately makes me worry 😬
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liked by arthur_leclerc, carlossainz55 and 2,979,261 others
charles_leclerc: enjoying the off season with my favourite people. just a reminder to mind your business during this off season, there’s nothing to worry about with me 🤍🌊
276,318 comments
username13: charles really telling us to mind our damn business 😂
oscarpiastri: if you need anything you know where I am!
username14: hoping this is charles’ way of telling us him and yn are fine 🙏🏻
landonorris: couldn’t agree with you more 👏🏻
username15: I always knew you guys would be alright!!
carlossainz55: I’ve got your backs always ☺️
danielricciardo: sending you both good vibes for the summer ☀️
username16: enjoy the break charles and the peace and quiet for a while!
arthur_leclerc: getting ready for the best summer ever 💪🏻
username17: hope you and yn get to have the rest you deserve ☀️
carmenmmundt: if yn needs me, I’m only a phone call away ❤️
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liked by charles_leclerc, iamrebeccad and 538,708 others
ynusername: we’ve been keeping a little secret. charles and i are so proud to tell you that baby leclerc will be with us in the new year. it’s been a far from easy process but we’re so excited 👼💞
32,129 comments
charles_leclerc: you’ve been so incredibly strong, I cannot begin to tell you how proud I am of you ❤️
username18: ah I’m so happy for you guys ☺️☺️☺️
username19: so pleased to hear you’re on the mend yn 💞💞
arthur_leclerc: present and ready to be the coolest uncle in the world 🎉
username20: I’m so ready for charles’ dad era!!!!
lilymhe: cannot wait to visit you and get all the baby cuddles in the world soon 👼
username21: shout out to all the people sending congratulations who were convinced they’d broken up 🙄
carlossainz55: I’m gonna be back at ferrari every week making sure I visit now 😂
charles_leclerc: @/carlossainz55 can williams offer you an adorable baby like we can??
username22: this is the best news ever, cannot believe my fave duo are going to be parents…
pierregasly: ik just how much you guys have wanted this, couldn’t be happier for you both!!
username23: I’ve been dreaming of a post like this for so long and now it’s finally true 😭
oscarpiastri: buzzing to welcome another leclerc into our family 😂🫶🏻
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liked by oscarpiastri, pierregasly and 3,126,084 others
charles_leclerc: making sure to capture all the moments with my best friend and bump 📸
427,102 comments
landonorris: the caption said best friend…but I wasn’t on this trip with you??
charles_leclerc: @/landonorris do I have to explain this to you??
username24: it’s not fair how two expecting parents can be so cute ☺️
ynusername: thank you for choosing the photo where I don’t look like a swollen mess 😘
charles_leclerc: @/ynusername you look breathtaking in every photo I have of you!
username25: I bet charles’ camera roll is absolutely adorable rn 😭
arthur_leclerc: you better be taking care of the best sister in law in the world!!
ynusername: @/arthur_leclerc you’re only saying that cause I’m pregnant 😂
username26: I wish I could pull off pregnancy as well as yn omg
username27: the cutest set of photos I’ve ever seen in my life
maxverstappen1: make the most of all the peace and quiet whilst you still can!!
username28: now this just makes me feel incredibly single 💔
username29: this is the definition of living the dream now
carlossainz55: can’t believe you guys went out on the boat without me 😭
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liked by charles_leclerc, carmenmmundt and 688,329 others
ynusername: one last race for me for the season, charles has officially now put me on house rest until the baby arrives 😂❤️
69,271 comments
username30: get plenty of rest baby mama… you deserve it!
charles_leclerc: forever cheering me on, see you at home soon 💕
username31: thank you for always being by charles’ side ❤️🏎️
georgerussell63: make sure if you need anything you give carmen a call!!
username32: what are we going to do without you in the paddock?? 😭
iamrebeccad: can’t believe we’re never gonna be in the same paddock again 💔
ynusername: @/iamrebecad I promise to come and visit as soon as I’m back 💞
username33: I can just imagine charles refusing to even let you lift a finger too!
username34: counting down til baby leclerc arrives now 🥺
lewishamilton: looking forward to being right beside you next year and babysitting 😂😂
username35: pls make sure you get plenty of rest, make the most of sleep whilst you can!!
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liked by ynusername, oscarpiastri and 2,787,134 others
charles_leclerc: making sure to not let these two idiots feel left out as we prepare for the baby to arrive…turns out they are actually quite needy 😂🥺
427,098 comments
username36: I love how needy the leclerc boys are ❤️❤️
arthur_leclerc: I will be round your house every single day don’t you worry 😂
charles_leclerc: @/arthur_leclerc changing the locks as we speak!
username37: they’re definitely not gonna be left out, they’re never gonna leave your side 😂
landonorris: I feel like I’m looking at promo for the next boy band or something… 🤮
username38: not emotionally prepared for these photos…
ynusername: my three favourite human beings 🫶🏻
charles_leclerc: @/ynusername I better be the number one!!
username39: I love the bond these guys have 🥺
oscarpiastri: seems you were forgetting an important part of the family here 🤔
username40: bet charles is secretly hoping for a boy to add to this trio!!
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liked by lilymhe, carlossainz55 and 693,172 others
ynusername: btw charles has been using this holiday to practice everything he knows about babies and doing nothing else 😂 according to him he’s perfect 🥺
57,183 comments
username41: the baby isn’t even here yet but I already know charles is gonna be the cutest dad in the world
carlossainz55: rebecca says these photos have got her in her feels…so kindly stop 😩
ynusername: @/carlossainz55: bets it’s you guys next ��
username42: look at how much of a natural he is 😭
pierregasly: btw he’s not stopped telling me how excited he is to become a dad 😂
username43: my heart can’t cope with the dad feels rn
charles_leclerc: thanks for flexing how good of an uncle I am 💪🏻
username44: thank you yn for blessing my timeline with these 🙏🏻
landonorris: were these just an excuse to post topless charles again???
username45: if you ask me, charles is most definitely perfect 😂
username46: can the baby just hurry up and arrive now pls…
lilymhe: you just wait until it’s your baby he’s holding instead 🥲
ynusername: @/lilymhe I cannot wait 🥺
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liked by carlossainz55, landonorris and 4,329,059 others
charles_leclerc: we are so happy to share that our baby boy is here…mum and son are doing amazing and i’ve just about stopped crying for now 🥺💕
576,301 comments
username47: crying. screaming. throwing up.
arthur_leclerc: I’ve never been prouder of the two of you than I am right now!!
username48: congratulations charles and yn, we’re so happy for you 🥺
oscarpiastri: welcome to the family little one 🥺😂
username49: another boy to add to the leclerc family 🥳
scuderiaferrari: welcome to the newest member of the tifosi ❤️🏎️
landonorris: I’ve been refreshing my feed all day 😂 so glad he’s here and healthy 💕
username50: his little face, I can’t cope with how cute he is 😭
carmenmmundt: glad to hear mum and baby are good, get plenty of rest you three 😘
pierregasly: it’s not fair, how do you guys manage to make such cute babies!?
username51: can already tell this dude is gonna be a heartbreaker one day!
lewishamilton: so pleased he’s here safely, congrats you two!!
username52: he’s finally here omg 🥺
carlossainz55: could not be happier for you guys, cannot wait to meet little man 💞
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˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗
#f1#f1 imagine#formula 1#charles leclerc#charles leclerc imagine#formula 1 x reader#f1 x reader#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 x you#formula one#f1 reaction#formula one imagine#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc fluff#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc smau#formula x reader#formula 1 social media#formula one x reader#formula 1 fic#formula 1 fanfic#formula 1 smau#formula one smau#f1 smau#f1 fluff#f1 x you#f1 fic
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CASUAL — lando norris (smut, angst, nsfw)
pairing; fem!reader x lando norris summary: whatever you and lando have, it's anything but 'casual'. warnings: smut 18+, a LOT of angst, mdni, fingering, oral (f receiving), (situationship?) a/n: i lowkey want chappell roan's casual to be inserted into my brain and OMG this one is too sad
part 2 - casual
"nah, nah. the two of us... it's complicated, y'know? just a casual thing, honestly."
the words echoed in your mind on the flight from london, replaying as the seatbelt sign dinged off.
casual.
the word had always carried a negative connotation, but hearing him say it made you feel so much worse. it made you feel insignificant, as if the months that had passed meant nothing to him, while it had meant so much more to you.
you were anything but casual.
all those nights, the mornings after, the kisses, the rendezvouses. they meant something, didn't they? you thought they did, at least.
the way he'd look at you when the lights dimmed and his voice would turn soft. the way he'd kiss you as if it was what he was made to do.
he knew every inch of you. every freckle, every curve. he knew you better than he knew the tracks he raced on.
but, then again, lando norris was never known for being reliable.
he was young and wild and carefree, a bachelor to be envied by all. a party boy, a flirt, a ladies' man. he was charming and he knew it.
he was good at making people believe that they were special.
everyone loved him. the oh-so charming lando norris. the young driver who had a bright future ahead of him. he was bound to get whatever he wanted, right?
the first night he touched you, the two of you had come to an agreement—no attachment. he made it clear that he didn't have time for anything serious, but that he would love to have fun with you.
you, of course, had agreed to that.
in the beginning it was nothing. 'accidentally' crashing into each other at parties, accompanying the other into hotel rooms, and then disappearing as soon as the sun rose.
but do these 'no attachments' things ever work? it wasn't even a complete month before the two of you became more and more involved and realised you weren't just having fun.
as you exited the airplane, your heart clenched at the thought. the two of you had never actually said anything, but it was there, hanging in the air, almost suffocating you.
the first time you realised it wasn't just fun, you were in the passenger seat of his mclaren. he was on his knees, big blue eyes staring into yours as he flicked his tongue in you. you were so close, you had been for a while. he could tell. his eyes were locked onto yours, a glint of smugness in them. and then, with the tip of his finger, he brought you over the edge.
after you both came, he had crawled into the driver's seat and smiled at you. his lips glistened, his chin damp, and his hair sticking up in places.
"you look beautiful." he said, a hand coming up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.
"i think i like you." his voice was barely a whisper, and if you hadn't been staring right into his eyes you might've missed what he said.
"yeah, me too." your voice was breathless.
and that was the only time either of you'd ever said anything about it.
was it casual?
then, that one time when you had flown to his family home in the uk and met his parents. they'd welcomed you with open arms and treated you like one of their own, and lando's face had glowed with joy the whole time.
"i still can't believe that lando has such a pretty girlfriend." his mom had said to you, giggling as the two of you shared a bottle of wine.
"mom!" lando had whined from the other room. "can't you just shut up for once?"
"oh, hush! i'm just saying it as it is." she shrugged.
you had blushed furiously at her words, looking down at your feet as you took another sip of the expensive italian wine.
you had thought he would deny the 'girlfriend' title, or at least laugh it off, but he didn't. instead, he grinned like an idiot and you wondered if the wine had gone to his head.
"yeah, guess i got lucky." he'd muttered, and his mom had smiled, nodding knowingly.
when the day ended, you had fallen asleep curled up next to him, his body warmth enveloping you like a blanket.
now, your eyes stung as you walked through the airport, a million thoughts running through your mind.
you'd spent the rest of the week there and it was the best time you'd had in a while. he'd taken you on a day-trip to oxford, but the two of you ended up staying the night at some cottage. he'd held you closer, kissed you harder. you slept together as many times as you could.
fuck, you weren't just casual.
and the time the you woke up in each other's arms, his face buried in your hair, hands wrapped around your waist. he had asked you what your plans for the future were.
"get an apartment in monaco right next to yours so that i can stalk you everyday. binoculars and everything." you had joked.
"really? not gonna say you're going to marry me and have a billion kids and we're gonna grow old together?"
you'd looked up at him, eyebrows raised. and then the two of you had burst out laughing.
"what the fuck, lando. i'm not having a billion kids with you."
he just smirked in response.
or the time when the two of you vacationed in italy with his friends, and at the pier he had introduced you as his 'hotshot pr girl'.
"he's paying me a million dollars to pretend to be his girlfriend because he doesn't like being called a virgin."
"hey!" he'd laughed, nudging you.
"shut up, loser."
and then you'd pushed him into the water.
"i'm never talking to you again." he'd pouted.
"oh yeah, find someone else to have your billion kids with. my uterus will be happy."
or the countless times he would call you in the middle of the night and tell you about his new merch drop, and you'd whine about how it was 2 in the morning and you couldn't give a flying fuck.
and when you had just gotten off the phone with his sister, "flo is such a sweetheart, i love her."
"my sister talks to you more than she talks to me. you know she likes you better, right?" he'd mumbled, looking offended.
"what can i say, i'm such a charmer." you'd said in the most british accent you could muster, and he'd rolled his eyes and shoved your face away.
december came, and cisca invited you to celebrate christmas with them.
"if he doesn't ask you to be his girlfriend, promise me you'll tell him it's over." your best friend has said, looking at you sternly.
you had just sighed in response, shaking your head.
"i'm serious. you don't deserve someone like that. not if he doesn't think you're worth the commitment."
"you're right. i know. i'm just... i'm just scared. i like him so much. i don't know what to do."
the morning of christmas, you'd landed in london and gone straight to his place. he was all dressed up, and you'd almost cried at how gorgeous he looked.
"merry christmas, darling." he'd murmured, and you'd melted at his words. he welcomed you with a kiss, the way he always did.
the day was spent exchanging gifts with his family, watching christmas movies and cuddling under blankets.
his family adored you.
"i'm glad you're here." he said.
"where else would i be?"
"anywhere else."
you smiled at him, and he returned it with a cheshire cat one.
that night, the two of you had been invited to dinner with his parents, and halfway through the meal you'd excused yourself to go to the bathroom.
as you stood there washing your hands, you'd heard the door swing open, and the familiar figure appeared next to you, locking the door behind him.
"lando."
"yeah?"
"what are you doing?"
"i need to wash my hands." he'd shrugged.
you raised a brow at him, looking at him pointedly.
he shrugged again, taking a step towards you.
"you look too good in this dress, can't help it."
you rolled your eyes as he stepped closer to you, fingers about to grasp your waist before you told him to back off.
"what?"
"wash your hands first. didn't you come here to wash your hands? there's no way in hell i'm letting greasy salmon fingers touch me."
and then the two of you had laughed before his lips found yours lips. it felt so natural, the way your body reacted to his touch or the way your lips melted into his.
"lando, we shouldn't." you protested, neck arching as he pressed kisses everwhere.
"shut up." he grabbed your waist before pushing you against the counter, his lips crashing back into yours.
"what happened to your hands? i told you to wash them."
"fuck the hands."
"technically-"
"shut the fuck up." he groaned, dipping a finger between your thighs. "you're dripping. fucking hell."
pulling his fingers out, his knee pushed your thighs apart, spreading your legs apart.
you gasped, shifting your hands as you balanced yourself against the counter. his eyes locked in yours as his finger dragged across your core.
"fuck, baby, you're so pretty." he whispered, eyes digging into yours.
"lando, please."
"please what?" he asked as he slipped two fingers inside you.
your eyes squeezed shut, head leaning against the mirror behind you. "oh, fuck."
"i asked a question."
you were quick to answer, fisting his shirt as his fingers moved inside you. "please fuck me, oh my god."
he smirked before dropping to his knees, spreading your thighs and pressing his tongue onto your clit. you yelped at the sudden feeling of his mouth sucking at your clit; eyes rolling back.
his hands grabbed your legs, swinging them over his shoulder. hand sprawled over your stomach, pushing you back against the counter.
when his tongue curled into you, brushing that spot he never failed to miss, you couldn't help but let a loud moan escape you.
lando hushed you; tapping your thigh. “gotta be quiet baby,” lando said through heavy breaths before pushing his face back into you.
biting into your lip, your fingers ran through his curls, admiring the sight of his head moving between your thighs.
your moans filled the small bathroom, the sound like music to his ears.
"lando," your voice was shaky, breath hitching as he picked up the pace, his hands pushing your hips down.
he hummed in response, the vibration sending waves throughout your body.
"oh, god, lando. right there, right there. oh fuck."
and then your body was trembling, and you were gripping his hair, his tongue still moving.
you were seeing stars, vision going white as your legs quivered around his face.
"oh, god." you sighed, chest rising and falling as he pulled his fingers out, smirking up at you.
"c'mon baby, give me one more."
it wasn't casual.
now, walking through the terminal, dragging your suitcase behind you, the tears threatened to spill from your eyes.
maybe he said 'casual' just to tell his friends he was still a player. or maybe, he was referring to the fact that the two of you were just friends who hooked up sometimes.
but whatever he meant, it wasn't the truth.
both of you knew it.
casual wasn't the way he held you close during thunderstorms, wasn't the way he'd make sure coffee was the perfect temperature, wasn't the way he'd look at you as if the world stopped turning.
the way he'd stare into your eyes as the lights turned off, the way he'd press a kiss onto your temple, the way he'd say your name.
it wasn't casual.
#f1 smut#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#lando norris smut#lando norris fic#f1 fic#lando norris x reader#lando norris one shot#lando norris imagine#lando norris angst#lando norris#f1 angst#f1 one shot#f1#lando norris blurb#lando norris x you#lando norris x y/n#lando norris fanfic#f1 fanfic#f1 x y/n#f1 x you#formula one x you#formula one x reader#chappell roan
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((NOTE: i was going to keep this in tags but decided not to :3) this was such a common word and thing in 2000s to 2010s fandom spaces, especially anime fandom spaces. like you could not go to a convention or open deviantart or even tumblr without seeing at least one mention of the word- ''glomp me'' signs and shirts everywhere, cosplayers and internet friends running up to each other just to hug on sight at meets, artists online drawing and animating their ocs doing this with their friends' ocs or making bases of anime screenshots of characters doing the exact thing, getting dms and replies and comments with just a simple *glomps u* thrown in there. you would see such a specific kind of closeness and joy in these people, and frankly it upsets me deeply knowing it as a phrase and term in fandom ...is almost completely gone :( so yknow what! im glad you discovered this word! bring back glomping or whatever yknw? lets have more fun in fandom spaces and be silly together okay? :D
I just....I just learned that there's a word in the English language...for when you run into someone to hug them with all the enthusiasm and strength you have....I learned that it's called glomp.
My God, English has so many words to describe physical intimacy, I'm in love
#as funny as it can be *at times* it really sucks that people on here give others shit for finding things others older than them-#-(or those who just happened to be at least vaguely around for this stuff) would have known/known about#we should be happy! let's let fandom spaces heal more man#its so boring here now and so much fighting and ''discourse'' n all that bs#can we plz just have fun here for a second lol#bring back that special and certain closeness old fandom had please please please#i miss being hugged at cons and being actually talked to and complimented and all those interactions#all others do now is wander and stick to the same few friends and people- buy shit- then leave. :/#even convention cosplay meets and fandom meets are a dying thing#its all so antisocial now even in a public space. lets be kinder to each other more :3#anyway op im so glad i saw this post because it unlocked so many memories you have NO idea#the level of joy this brought me makes me so damn happy so THANK YOUUU <3 *glomps u*#proxxtalx
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FIRST | PREVIOUS | NEXT CH 1 PG 36
Infested will return on June 27th. --- Thank you to the following Ascended supporters: @chaogongoozles, @fiiresiidefrfr, @elizard4227, @grogar, Ezzoh, @susivoi, @calculuscacophony, Eros, @ivycorp, @summersdale @borrelia, @mizukiz, @sanicdetails, @combinegrunt-echo-1, Pica, @veeceear, @quackenburt, ItsmeMonarch, @memendoemori, @trans-girl-sonic, & savarsenic
Content Warnings | Store | Ko-Fi (Discord!) | Read On Comic Fury! DISCLAIMER: "Infested" is a horror comic ft. content not suitable for those under the age of 17.
A long-winded looking back on things below the cut:
The first few pages of Infested were uploaded to this blog on March 2nd, 2023 -- Over a whole year ago! I was so busy, too, that I completely missed its birthday (Sorry Infested). Looking even further back than that, the original story was was something I began writing on December 25th, 2022 (Merry Christmas).
It took two years to get to this point.
And hey, not to toot my own horn about it, but completing even one chapter of a webcomic is a big deal. Especially for me. My first webcomic, Fight/Flight, didn't get very far. I completed the prologue, started Chapter 1, and then had to drop it for a number of reasons (I didn't really agree with what baby-me had to say, politically, anymore).
This comic was born from a lot of intense feelings. The story, itself, too. Some good. Some bad.
I had been forced to move away from my hometown, and with that move, I lost the physical connection that I had to all of my friends. I lost the familiarity of a place I'd known for most of my life. I'm now stuck somewhere... Worse. It felt like a cage. Still does. Disconnected from the life I thought I would be living after college. I didn't have health insurance, either -- Got kicked off of it because of the move -- And as a result, I was off my antidepressants.
So there I was, at a pretty low point in my life. I miserable and lonely and every single day dragged on. And on. And on. And I felt so disappointed in myself. That disappointment became self-loathing, and it all kinda spiraled.
Have I mentioned that I'm a huge Sonic fan? I don't think I need to. I'd say it's pretty obvious. But for the sake of this story, I'll say it again: I'm a HUGE Sonic fan. I've been that way since 2003 with Sonic Heroes. The franchise has been in my life for over two decades. I had a monthly mail subscription to Archie's Sonic the Hedgehog. Sonic the Hedgehog was something that I truly loved more than any other piece of media. It brought me endless joy. Until I didn't.
I had dropped Sonic after Lost World was... Itself. I had already felt pretty irritated with the Meta Era, and Lost World was the final straw. The last bit of hope that the series could recover was snuffed out when Forces was released. It was over. I was done. If Sonic was truly that embarrassed by itself, if they had truly lost touch with what made the series so great, then I wouldn't waste my time any longer. I was so sure that I had to just... Grieve and move on. My beloved childhood game series was dead. Long live the king or whatever. I'd just bitterly read IDW Sonic and think about what could've been. I was lucky to have that comic, at least. Archie had been canceled, too, after all. I was lucky to have my scraps.
Then Sonic Frontiers came out. And it changed everything.
And my god, it was everything. It was everything to me. Flaws be damned, it was everything. To. Me. The spectacle. The serious tone. The vastly improved writing. Kellin Fucking Quinn. It was FUN! It was actually FUN to PLAY. He was back. I was back. Sonic pulled me by my hand out of the ocean of misery I'd fallen into, and he looked me in my eye and he said;
"Hey. You're gonna be alright."
Metaphorically speaking. Sonic The Hedgehog didn't actually literally speak to me -- And sure, okay, maybe it's a little dramatic to describe a game as this great Depression Annihilator but I'm dead serious when I say that, for that time, before I was able to get back on my meds, I was self-medicating with Sonic.
Sonic was all I was thinking about. I reread the Unleashed arc in Archie Sonic, which got me sorta realizing something, and which led to my post where I said something along the lines of "Sonic would hide a zombie bite."
Archie Sonic would, at least. Because he basically did do that in the Unleashed arc of that comic. He let that problem fester until it became an even bigger problem because, ironically, he didn't want to be a problem.
So one thing led to another. I thought more about Sonic becoming a zombie. Bada-bing, bada-boom, Infested was born.
I didn't expect it to get the attention that it did. I felt lucky when the first page I drew Rouge on (Page 6 I think?) blew up. The right people saw it at the right time. I'm extremely grateful for that.
I'm extremely grateful for all of you.
So yeah, one chapter. Woo! Here's to many more.
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─ ‧ ִ ۫✭ A rock for a dragon
Malleus Draconia x Reader
Summary: You found a rock and gave it to Malleus because it reminded you of him.
Word count: 899
I kinda want to draw him with his tiny pretty black rock.
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Malleus wasn't a stranger of people feeling uneasy around him. Everyone thought and expected too much out of him. He was used to such thing, even if he wasn't too fond of it. Not many could just approach him casually and make small talk. They either treated him too formally, too artificially or they ran because Sebek scared them off. He could count with his fingers all of the people that genuinely appreciated him and he still would have some space left. He had his friends sure, but he never quite had something true. Of course that was until a particular human came along.
Oh how he cherished you. You would wave, talk to him and even invite him to anything you had the chance to. No one else treated him in that way. That’s why whenever your familiar head would pop up, when your voice reached his ears or when your eyes stared at him, he knew he was about to have a good day.
“Tsunotaro!”
A familiar voice said, and the smile that appeared on his face was almost automatic. When you walked towards him, the normally unapproachable fae housewarden looked over your direction with small fondness in his eyes. That little pet name, he had grown fond of it too. It always caused that fuzzy feeling in his chest. You ran all the way to where he stood, and you seemed to be holding something between your palms.
“Child of man, what a pleasant surprise. Is there anything you need from me?” He asked, curious green eyes peering at your shorter figure.
“Take a look at what I found!” You replied excitedly. After that, you showed him.
There was a small rock on your palm, a black one. It looked smooth but it had some sharp edges here and there. Upon closer inspection, it looked like black obsidian. Is that why you acted so excited? How charming.
“Look! It's a shiny polished rock! I found it near Ramshackle and it reminded me of you right away!" You beamed with joy.
Malleus focused on the last sentence. You found a rock and you immediately brought it to him because it had reminded you of him? What simple way of thinking, and yet he was delighted to know that was the reason and not casual love for minerals.
“You thought of me from a rock?” He questioned, cocking his head to his left just slightly.
"Oh not because it's a rock, but because it's so black and shiny. It reminded me of your horns or your hair. So I thought 'Malleus would like it' and I cleaned it up and brought it. Do you like it?" You replied right away, as if your logic made absolute sense.
That made him even more delighted to hear. It was actually very adorable of you. Malleus carefully took the shiny rock into his hand to look closely at it, examining the obsidian for a moment.
“I do, I like it very much” He answered, his voice sounding almost as soft as the way he stared at you.
"I am glad, I thought it would be silly, you know? It's just a rock, why would a fae prince be impressed when he can have thousands of rocks? But I went for it anyway” You said, and he could see where you were coming from.
He had received thousands of gifts in the past. Lustrous jewelry, expensive treasure, accessories, trinkets, food, and more. All of that was true, and yet this one was different. It was a gift meant for him. Not because of its price or value, but because it was given from the memory of him. He was kept in your mind. What else could he ask for?
Just being in someone's mind, not because of his power or his position. Not at all, just him. Oh he wanted to do anything for you now. If you asked for all the gold in the world he would hand you even more somehow.
“It is not just a rock. It is special” He said, still touching the rock with his gloved fingers.
"Oh you really think so? Thank you so much. I hope you treasure it. I would too if you gave me a rock" You said before suddenly looking as if you remembered something. "Oh I have to go back to Ramshackle, I will see you later!” You replied and immediately bolted through the halls.
He only smiled politely and waved you away, since you ran off so fast. Once he lost your figure his gaze went back to the rock. He touched it close to his chest, as if it was the most valuable treasure ever. He would never lose it. He kept thinking about you. The way you showed it to him so happily and the happy look on your face when you said you liked it. It was priceless. His heart almost skipped a beat. How could you be that adorable? It was like magic.
“So endearing…” He muttered fondly to himself before placing it in his pocket to avoid losing it.
Since that day, he had been carrying it around with him. Everywhere. It didn’t matter where he went, the little rock was coming with him. Occasionally he would take it out and stare at it, with the most adoring look one could give to something. And he definitely wanted to give you something back, but he hadn’t found yet what could possibly summarize how much he felt for you. He could only hope that when he found it, you would be just as happy as how he feels right now.
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┆彡 ✩
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