aspirationalt0i

[aspirationalt0i]

Please send me your nasty thoughts 🙏

[aspirationalt0i]

I have a great desire for this mug.... could be improved making transparent. Maybe also one that says piss.

And a man willing to hand me the mug of his choosing first thing in the morning. That would be romantic.

[aspirationalt0i]

It's kind of hilarious how men will say the grossest, transphobic stuff to me in kink and that gets me all hot and bothered, but then they try to be actually nice outside of kink but talk to me like a fucking girl and it makes me go "damn.... u really do see me as a my cunt"

Fucking ruining this kink for me.

Whatever, eventually all this medicore fucking in irl will probably turn me around. Or maybe its the booze talking, who fucking knows

[aspirationalt0i]

Obsessively following Hayden Greene because his body uncannily resembles my ex.

Fuck.... he even has the same tan line.

[aspirationalt0i]

I fucked three men today... one almost had your strong thighs, the other when i closed my eyes almost had your voice, and the last.... i just still needed to be filled.

But the dissatisfaction i realize is not just in how they fuck me. Its in how i will never have the desire to fuck them. None of them make me feel that spark. That if they pulled away and turned over and told me "i need you" i would feel nothing. Only you ever did that. Make me want to wet your rim, gently open you so i could bring you to pleasure the way you so often brought me. No man ever keened in a way that made me wish i had a cock i could feel slip inside and be enveloped by another. You awakened a part of me i never knew even existed. And left leaving only a memory of someone whimpering beautifully under me.

Was i terrible at it? I could imagine i was like a humbling teenager, working his way around his first. Worse maybe all things considered.

Did u.... need a real man afterall?

[aspirationalt0i]

Hit 120 lbs for the first time.... it'll probablly fluctuate a few more days until i can actually say i hit that goal

I wish i were the kind of guy who got excited about the idea of getting that "revenge bod". But i doubt he left because i could loose a few pounds so i don't see how that really matters

What am i still even doing this for...

[aspirationalt0i]

Are you submissive

A gay submissive

[aspirationalt0i]

Grindr convo:

So you want to be fucked like a whore?

That's fine, i prefer u fuck me like i owe you money

...

And they never do

[aspirationalt0i]

I suppose one good thing about you leaving is its killed my appetite and even though i hsven't had it in me to work out i have lost weight.... hurray i guess

[aspirationalt0i]

If u've been trying to get in touch with me, i'm sorry

The break up isn't a fantasy, it happened, and has killed my libido and my ability to interact with other men other than to have hook ups

....

Probably unless you have passing resemblence to my ex, then you could probably get me to do anything, idk

[aspirationalt0i]

I don't think i'll ever be whole again

[aspirationalt0i]

I'm starting to have days when i'm not thinking about you. I can go for hours without feeling empty and hollow, hang out with friends and not turn to look for you as we hang out, i can remember to readjust my cooking back to one.

But I still dream of you. And your smell rushes back, the tightness of muscle along your forearms as you press my knees back, the swell of your cock under your pants, the soft moans of pleasure as you took me. My unconscious can't forget, and you bubble to the surface of my mind as I lay alone in a bed we shared.

Please.... come back.

[aspirationalt0i]

I used to love men of all types. My taste had range, as long as he like using and demeaning a little fake faggot bottom. A cock is a cock, even a silicone one, and I was an epicurious cumslut.

And then you fucking made me fall in love with you. Forced me to open myself to you even though i didn't think it would work. You became my world. And then you fucking left - without and explanation.

So yeah, now i scroll through tumblr finding only fans models and porn stars who look like you. Athelic builds, strong arms, wash board abs... imagining them holding my thighs, pushing the hair from my face as they fuck me into the bed. But his hair isn't as blonde... that one's a bit too skinny... maybe if he wasn't as tanned

I don't know how long l'll find myself chasing after you. It's exghausting.... other men no longer intetest me. But i need to be filled. For all my depraved fantasies of being raped and forced into being a cum addicted whore for one sadist i think you've more succesfully achieved that than I could have dreamt up.

[aspirationalt0i]

Listening to Natalie Imbruglia while finding the will to get out of bed instead of looking for mdn to use me on Grindr like a fucking gay stereotype.

[aspirationalt0i]

I wake up at night dreaming you called me, and when i realize you haven't i go on grindr. You've left me an empty husk needing to be filled, aching for you and settling for a parade of strangers, anonymous, and increasingly faceless.

[aspirationalt0i]

Was it because I pushed too hard? Asked for too much? Wanted too much?

For you I could have stopped. I could have kept my fantasies to porn, only touching myself to my own depraved thoughts. I would have, for you. But you told me you wanted me fulfiiled. That you were just sorry you couldn't go that far.

Was it because I got too excited when you got rough? That when I whimpered snd cried as you took me hard from behind I was clearly so much more into it then when you were gentle. I loved you then too, you know. When I brought you coffee in the morning and curled into your chest, feeling the rise and fall of your breath under my hand as you decided if you wanted a morning treat. No matter what you wanted, rough or gentle, all I needed was you to mean it when you said you loved me.

I thought you enjoyed it as much as me. How your fingers dug into my waist as I struggled to take your full size. The hitch in your breath when you finally thrust to the hilt, the satisfaction in your voice as I moaned to your thrusts, your smile as you pulled away watching my hole wink and drool. I thought it was enough, that only you had access to my body this way. The way you growled into my ear how you loved stretching me open over your cock, that my holes would be ruined for any other man. Did you know when you said you would leave one day? That when you left i'd desperately find man after man to fill me, frustrated they don't feel like you?

It's not their size alone you know. So fucking proud of your nine inch cock.... but no, its not their size that leaves me wanting as they use me. It's all of it that leaves me empty. All of you. The whole you. That i guess I never had.

You never gave me all of you. I opened myself to you, heart and body. You told not to hide away any part of myself. I obeyed. But you kept a part of yourself closed away. So well I had no idea.

What was it about me I showed you that was too much? You wouldn't even tell me why. Why.... why.... why.... you seemed so satisfied the last time. You nearly tore me open and I screamed into your palm as you held me down. Your thrusts hard, feral as my hands gripped around your shoulders pulling you into me. You seemed so pleased as you emptied yourself into me, as you kissed my hair, forehead, cheeks, and mouth as I whimpered when you pulled away. It was so good.

Did you mean it as a parting gift? I thought it was yours.... for your birthday. My Taurus, my bull. Not mine, any longer. But i'm still yours, though you don't want me. I feel myself still with you, unable to retract what I opened to you. I can't help but still love you, it hurts. I hurt in ways the flogs and paddles can't beat out of me. As men come and go from my bed, reddening my ass and spreading me open, the ache in my chest doesn't go away. But for a moment I gues, I can forget to ask why.

[aspirationalt0i]

I found a guy on grindr into somno who wanted me face down, ass up, naked. I'd leave my doors unlocked, he would walk in, have his way, and leave.

He's about your height, and he gets excited to feel my hole stretch around his cock they way you would. He's not as cut as you. His thighs were softer, there was less strength in his arms, not the same ease to push me in position, and he wasn't as big. But eyes closed and the pillow he pressed over my head muffling the sound of his voice, I could pretend it was you.

I could pretend for a moment you were back and still loved me. Like you promised you would. Forever. Like i doubted you would when u first promised. Then made me believe.

Why'd do have to wait until after you made me believe you would be the one.

So I let a nameless stranger fuck his cum into me, and was more than happy he never told me his name. That his kink meant i didn't taste his lips, to know the difference in his kiss. That face down i wouldn't smell he isn't you.

Why couldn't it be you.