#even if you have and it went badly if you have and it went well even if. you’re valid

[penkura]

Jingle Bells

Summary: Its your son's first Christmas and Law wishes certain people were here.

Note: I'm sorry for the angst. :') Law just leads to it when I write him.

“Law, we should put him in his crib.”

“Mm…I will in a bit.”

It makes you smile to watch Law just sit with and hold your son Rosi while he sleeps, especially with the lights from your Christmas tree brightening the room. Your eight-month-old doesn’t seem bothered by the lights, comfortably snoozing in Law’s arms with the jingle bells he got from a party earlier that day still clutched in his little hands. You had taken him to a party with all your friends and their own kids, little gift bags were given to them with homemade sugar cookies (Sanji’s doing), a small bit of money (Nami’s doing), and, unfortunately, a set of jingle bells, which you just knew was because of Luffy. Once Rosi got a hold of his set, and heard the sound they made just from him moving his little arms, he didn’t stop the whole time during the party, and neither did the other toddlers that got their sets in their hands. It sounded like a badly put together children’s choir performance, most of you were about to threaten Luffy with providing his kids with worse musical instruments one day.

Rosi continued shaking his jingle bells even once you had him in the car to drive home, the sound only stopping when he’d finally fallen asleep about halfway home, making you and Law sigh in relief. He’d been asleep ever since, but still holding onto those bells, you were planning to hide them from him for a while just for your sanity’s sake.

You try to stay quiet, motioning for Law to do the same as you attempt to remove the bells from your little boy, gently opening his hands and only making the bells rattle as soon as you’ve freed them and set them on the coffee table. He starts to stir and fuss just a bit, but Law quickly hushes and calms Rosi down, it’s like he never even started waking at all. You love to watch Law with him, sometimes he’s the only one who can calm Rosi down and while it can frustrate you, it makes you happy to watch them bond.

“I think he had fun today.”

“Yeah,” Law scoffs while you sit beside him, rolling his eyes a little as well, “He sure had fun ringing those bells in my ears the whole time I held him.”

You laugh a bit as Law grumbles about the bells, shaking your head and stroking your baby boy’s hair while he continues to sleep. In the same way you love to watch Law with him, Law feels the same with the two of you. He was never really sure about having kids of his own, but when you came into his life, Law realized he wanted all of the family life stuff that he’d missed out on when he was younger, and he wanted all of it with you.

Holidays were always difficult for Law, after losing his family and then Cora-san, he never wanted to celebrate after all of that even when he met Penguin, Shachi, and Bepo, then the rest of his friend group. They’d all try but never could convince him to join in the festivities, he’d always reject the ideas they came up with and went along just to not be alone during the Christmas season.

Then Shachi brought you along one day when everyone was hanging out and you immediately attached yourself to Law, trying to drag him along for whatever holiday plans they had, because you hated the idea of anyone being alone during that time. Law still doesn’t know why, but he went along with you, kept doing so through the whole season even with the thought in his mind that after the holidays were over you’d disappear back into your shared job with Shachi, but the new year came and went, and you continued to hang around all of them, especially Law.  It led to you asking him out and his agreeing, which led even further to your marriage and now your son Rosi being in your lives, all in the matter of three years.

With this year being Rosi’s first Christmas, even though the eight-month-old doesn’t get it, Law hopes he’s enjoying himself, but he wishes his family and Cora-san were here for it. He knows his mother would be doing every to make this the best first Christmas for Rosi, his father would probably be telling stories about past Christmases, Lami would absolutely want to take her nephew to all the Christmas events around, and even Cora-san would be working to make this holiday the best for your son.

It's still hard for him, but you and Rosi are making things easier, better for Law.

“Law? Are you okay?”

You’re able to tell when Law starts to get lost in his head, in the thoughts of what’s missing, you try to bring him back to the here and now when it happens, so you don’t lose him to those worries and the pain that still lingers after so long. You’ve noticed that just having your son has helped with it too, it seems like Law gets lost to those thoughts much less often now.

But with the distant look he had before you said his name, you knew it was happening again, even when he shrugs and looks back to little Rosi starting to wake and rub his eyes with his little hands.

“…I just miss my family…”

“Oh, Law…”

“I wish they were here…”

“I know, my love.”

“All of them,” Law takes a shaky breath, forcing back whatever tears try to slip out, while you rest your hand on and stroke his cheek, listening to him, “My parents and Lami…and Cora-san…They would have loved you both…”

“I know they’re all so proud of you, Law,” you lean over and kiss his cheek, before taking Rosi from him as your son coos and giggles at you, “They’d be so happy to see that you’re happy, to know you and Rosi are well, and I’m sure they’d want you to be enjoying his first Christmas.”

Law knows you’re right, watching you start to talk to and smile at Rosi, making him smile in return. He’s told you everything about his family, you’ve been so understanding and loving ever since he first told you the story, sometimes he wonders how much you told your parents since they’re always so nice when you go to their house, but he also thinks it’s just because they actually like him. He doesn’t mind going to see them, more recently your mom wants to give all her attention to Rosi and your dad takes to trying to connect with Law more, he really enjoys it.

“Hey,” looking up at Law, you give him a smile when Rosi starts to reach for him, needs “Let’s go see your parents tomorrow, after we’ve opened gifts.”

“Yeah? You want to?”

Nodding, Law sets a hand on Rosi’s head before leaning over to kiss his forehead and do the same to you.

“Yeah. It’ll be good to spend the day with family.”

Nothing makes you happier at that moment than to hear that from Law, and you agree that it would be a good idea, so long as you can make Rosi leave the jingle bells at home. You’re not sure your parents would like to hear that sound all day.

[illbegottenfaith]

merry christmas, please don't call

one year on, you look back on the fight that ended yours and theo's relationship (theo nott x reader)

a/n - and that's a wrap on the christmas fics! I had a few more ideas but I'm working on pacing myself/not burning out so maybe next year :)

tropes/warnings - angst, no happy ending, exes to...exes?

word count - 2.6k

Dec 23rd, 5.49 pm

You were frozen in the entrance hall of Malfoy Manor. You had arrived for a Christmas bash which doubled as a reunion, even though it had only been a year since your friends had graduated and gone their separate ways. A reunion where you'd once again see your ex-boyfriend, Theodore Nott. You knew you'd inevitably have to see him again, but to coincidentally arrive within five minutes of each other? You fidgeted restlessly, willing the house elf to hurry.

You hadn't seen him in...a year, was it? He looked unexpectedly grave, dressed in navy blue and wrinkles that aged him far beyond his years. He even had a subdued grey scarf tucked under the collar of his coat. Unable to pretend you didn't see each other for any longer, the both of you made awkward eye contact.

"Hi."

Theo nodded. "How are you?"

"Good." You scrounged for something to say. "I've just gotten accepted into the auror recruitment programme."

As far as conversation supplements went, it wasn't the best. Still, it seemed to do the trick. Theo smiled suddenly, as if he couldn't help it, immediately looking years younger. Clearly, your time apart hadn't made him forget how badly you had wanted to be an auror, and how tirelessly you had been working towards it. "That's fantastic. Congratulations."

You felt yourself warming up to him. While his usual charms never worked on you, you were a sucker for those glimpses of sincere joy. "Thank you. What about you?"

"I'm at the Ministry of Magic now. My department's based in Scotland."

"Ah. Scotland. How nice. Looks like it agrees with you. The Scottish air, I mean," you hurried to clarify, tripping over your words. Seeing an ex again was hard for anyone, you tried to convince yourself. It was perfectly justified for you to get a little tongue-tied. "You look - you look good."

"Thank you." He almost looked...embarrassed. You had never seen Theo acting this bashful. It was curious, how much could change in just a year. He gave a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "So do you."

By then, the house elf had returned to show to your separate rooms. You turned to say goodbye, but Theo was already halfway up the stairs.

Dec 23rd, 6.17 pm, one year ago

Malfoy Manor was filled with opulent, excessively elaborate bedrooms like the one you and Theo were staying in. Theo was hidden somewhere in the recesses of the large room, getting ready for the Christmas dinner party. You were sitting up on the bed, trying to find the right words when Theo emerged from the dressing area, nearly ready. His eyes swept over you as he frowned.

"Why aren't you dressed?"

The dread coiling in your stomach stung like acid.

"I'm not coming for dinner tonight."

Theo stared at you for a beat, then two. Then he gave a bark of sardonic laughter, walking back into the dressing area.

"I don't know why I'm surprised."

You grimaced. Even though you had braced yourself for it, his callousness stung. "I don't particularly like your family, Theo," you snapped. "This isn't news."

Theo stepped out from behind the wall, tie abandoned half-tied around his neck. You shrank into yourself under the full brunt of his displeased stare, wishing he'd go back to getting dressed. You knew he'd never raise a hand against you. He didn't have to, not when he was more than capable of inflicting psychological harm. Still, you'd be lying if you denied finding him intimidating on occasion.

He dropped the mocking tone. It was almost a kindness. "But you agreed to come to this."

You smoothed down the covers of the bed, refusing to meet his eye. "Yeah, well, I thought I'd feel up to it. But I don't."

Theo fiddled with his cufflinks aggressively. "Do you have any idea how much of a mess you've made that I have to clean up? I'm going to have to sit there for hours, coming up with half-baked excuses for why my girlfriend is missing Christmas dinner."

You laughed incredulously. Was he being purposefully obtuse? Was that all you were to him, some ornament to make him look even more dazzling? "I'm sorry, Theodore," you said sarcastically, "I'm sorry I'm making things so difficult for you just because I don't want to sit through hours of sickening affectations from some of the worst people on the planet."

His demeanour flipped like a switch. He straightened, an obstinate undercurrent to the tension in his jaw.

"I don't ask or expect you to bend over backwards for me, so you can quit acting like I do."

"You don't? You're throwing a hissy fit over me skipping out on one dinner!"

"For Merlin's sake, Y/N, it's a fucking dinner party. How hard is it to have a meal and hold some polite conversation for a couple of hours?"

"When it's with your family? Pretty fucking hard."

"Then why did you even agree to this in the first place?"

"I didn't want another fight."

"We're fighting now, aren't we?"

You didn't know what to say to that. Theo disappeared inside once more. You felt traitorous tears pricking the corners of your eyes.

"I just - I just feel like lately...all we do is fight." You hated how small your voice sounded. You flinched as the memory of your last fight insistently pressed on barely-healed wounds. I don't hate you, you had said. I don't - I could never. No. I could never hate you, Theo. Over and over, you had repeated it like a mantra. What had you done all that for? Why did you care so much?

"Tough luck, Y/N," Theo said, his voice bouncing off the marble walls. "This is what couples do. They fight."

You drew your knees to your chest, trying to regulate your breathing. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. "I'm sick of it, Theo. I really am. Aren't you sick of it?"

Theo reappeared, swearing under his breath, having resumed the struggle with his tie. He walked towards the full-length mirror at the corner of the room.

"Maybe we wouldn't be fighting so much if you didn't have to be so difficult all the time."

You were speechless. Theo took the opportunity to duck back into the dressing area, muttering something under his breath about dinner parties. You felt yourself retreating into your shell, smarting under the sting of his words. But it was more than that. You could feel yourself pulling away from him.

"I don't want to do this, Theo. I don't want to...make you an enemy."

"Then don't." Theo walked out of the dressing area for the final time, impatiently holding out the crimson dress you had picked out weeks ago. "Enough of this. Get dressed so we can go."

Enough of this. That was the problem, wasn't it? To Theo, this was all just one big temper tantrum he could discipline you out of.

You finally looked up to meet his eye, taking in his entire appearance. Merlin help you, but he looked ridiculously handsome in burgundy. His tie was just a smidge crooked like it always was every time you weren't around to fix it for him. Something twinged inside your chest at the sight of him fully dressed, ready to abandon you any minute now for the quiet, murmuring chatter that was beginning downstairs. Theodore Nott, virile and headstrong, was forever going to press on, with or without you.

You wished it didn't have to be this way.

"I wanted to make things easier for you, Teddy," you whispered, looking past the dress he was holding out. "I really did. You have to believe me. Please."

He wasn't going to browbeat you into getting his way. Not this time.

Theo flung the dress on the floor where it pooled at your ankles like a puddle of spilt blood. Like a condemnation. You closed your eyes and pressed a hand to your clammy forehead. You felt physically sick.

"I'm late for dinner."

present day

Dinner was a pleasant enough affair. As per your seats, Theo wasn't completely hidden from your peripheral vision, but that didn't matter once you started catching up with your friends. Afterward, everyone migrated to one of the living rooms, drinks in tow. It was a riot, seeing all the old crowd under one roof once again. Had they all always been this funny?

By some curious happenstance, Theo ended up next to you on one of the loveseats. As the night wore on, you found yourself gravitating towards him, leaning into him more and more with every bout of hysterical laughter. Eventually, the party started breaking up into smaller groups and dwindling in size as people started excusing themselves, one by one.

So here the two of you were, alone, drunk enough to pretend like the past year hadn't existed. It reminded you of the celebratory parties after Slytherin's victories during Quidditch season. You'd leave early, but in a couple of hours a completely wasted Theo would show up at your door (Merlin knows how, even absolutely smashed, Theo could reach the girls' dormitories), complaining about his head hurt.

You'd entertain his whining, fussing over every scrape he had sustained during or after the match, kissing it all better. You secretly loved those nights - it was the only time he ever let you baby him. Or, as Theo might have considered it then, let you have the upper hand. Even then, you had your differences, but they never stopped you from staying in sync with one another.

If only that were enough.

Now, you were nestled into his side, your head resting on his shoulder and your drink on his thigh. It was quiet, too quiet, even with a fire going in the fireplace. You glanced up at him. His eyes dropped to your lips. You knew where this was headed. Maybe you'd known, or hoped, ever since you'd received the invitation. In all honesty, you were too miserable to push him away.

"Theo," you murmured against the shell of his ear, "what are you doing?"

"Remember how good we had it?"

Your glass of wine drooped in your slackened grip. Most of the time, you were happy being single, but then again, most of the time you didn't have your ex-boyfriend drunkenly pressing hot, distracting, open-mouthed kisses down your neck.

"What I remember is how we left things, and why."

"Remind me."

With a considerable effort, you righted your glass, squinting blearily around the dim living room. Honestly, all this estate and not a single coffee table to put a drink down? "We were, um, we were falling out of sync."

"Right," he said drily, plucking the glass out of your hand as if he had read your mind. "So out of sync that we couldn't help but arrive at the exact same time."

"Five minutes."

"Hmm?"

"It wasn't the exact same time. I arrived five min-"

You abruptly forgot what you were saying, deciding that it didn't matter when your mind was fogged with the delirious pleasure Theo was inflicting on you. Frustratingly, Theo pulled away after a minute, lightly flushed.

"My point is, don't you miss it?"

It took you a moment to regain your bearings. You blinked at him. In the flickering light of the fireplace, his eyes shone with such aching sincerity that you nearly forgot that all of this had been his fault.

You wondered if things would be different today if you had slipped into that dress and forced yourself to put on a brave face. After all, it was only a couple of hours. Maybe you wouldn't have ended things that night. Maybe you'd have worked through what might just have been a rough patch.

Or maybe you'd still be together, more miserable than ever.

The cracks were showing. You could have ignored them for only so long.

You pushed him away, suddenly disgusted by more than just the stench of whiskey on his breath.

"Shut up, Theo. You made me feel like an island. Our relationship was crumbling and you didn't give a damn about any of it." You retrieved your glass from where it was surprisingly steadily propped up between the cushions. "You didn't give a damn about me."

Sitting here, your third drink in your hand, the sting of embarrassing tears brought an unpleasant realisation. That had been the worst part, hadn't it? You couldn't even say that it was because he hated you, not when he didn't care enough to. Why didn't he care? Were you too boring? Uninteresting? Not worth his attention, positive or otherwise?

"Cara mia," he whispered urgently, as if English alone couldn't convey his distress. "I promise, I did care about you. You have to believe me. I just - " he faltered, his eyes dropping to the floor. "I didn't express it very well," he finished quietly.

"Like that means something. You were awful to me, especially towards the end."

He had the gall to look genuinely stricken. "Tesoro, please. Don't say that."

But now that you had begun, you couldn't stop. "I begged you to care, Theo. Do you know how humiliating that was? I begged you to care and you just couldn't find it in you." Your heart felt heavy. It was the first time you had let yourself grieve what you once had with Theo. With considerable difficulty, you pressed on. "Just like I couldn't find it in myself to put on that dress and act like everything was fine."

You took a sadistic sort of pleasure in his grimace. Good, he should feel uncomfortable. If anything, the time to feel uncomfortable had been last year, but that ship had sailed long ago. "So forget it. I've had a lifetime's worth of begging for scraps of your affection."

Something in Theo's face changed. It was as if he hadn't entertained the possibility of failing to sweep you off your feet, like he had done so many times before. When he spoke, it was with none of his usual embellishments or charms.

"I know you probably hate me now. As you have every right to. As you should." He paused. "Merlin knows I've hated myself every day since."

You wanted to laugh. Theodore Nott, with a head three sizes too big, hate himself? "Hate yourself? What for?"

Theo scratched his face, staring into nothing, in a distractedly hopeless sort of way. "I don't know. Too many things. For raising my voice at you. For pretending I didn't notice us..." He trailed off, as if he were too embarrassed to finish the sentence. He swirled the little amber liquid left in his crystal glass. "For making you feel like you couldn't rely on me."

"Is this your way of apologising?"

Theo laughed weakly, and when he looked up, his pale blue eyes dull with the sheen of a naively boyish desperation you hadn't seen in a while.

"Would it change things? An apology?"

You pressed your lips together in a thin line. It was all the confirmation he needed. Silence descended on the two of you.

"We were good. Once."

Perhaps. But once upon a time was too flimsy of a reason to fix things now. You took one last look at Theo, fighting the wild impulse to kiss him on the cheek in some half-hearted bid to piece together the shattered man sitting next to you. Even now, after all that had transpired between the two of you, you couldn't help but feel some sort of moral responsibility for his happening. It was curious, how nothing had seemed to change over the past year.

When you spoke, it was with a tone of finality that glued his tongue to the roof of his mouth.

"Merry Christmas, Theo," you whispered as you stood to leave.

Please don't call.

[h-ngm-nssluttt]

Have Yourself A Merry Owen's Christmas

When Tyler finally decides to make this a Christmas to remember by finally admitting to his childhood best friend that she's the love of his life

Every year when storm season is pretty much over for the year I find myself full of excitement to head back home. Christmas in Arkansas is like no other. My folks run the Christmas Tree Farm and I help out while I'm home for a few weeks. The Christmas Tree Farm was my favorite place to be growing up. My best friend Y/N and i would spend hours playing hide and seek in the rows and rows of trees in the summer. Every Christmas season in highschool she would work the register while I cut and loaded trees. The perks of having your best friend live right next door, you could do literally everything together. If she wasn’t at our house i was at hers. We were constantly getting into trouble together and always going on adventures.

The true blessing of having your best friend live right next door to you is that eventually she becomes the love of your life. Now you would think that i would have jumped at the opportunity to make her my girl. The overly confident and cocky Tyler Owens would have swept her off her feet… but it was the opposite.. As much as I wanted to make her mine, I can't risk losing her if she doesn’t feel the same way. My life is full of adventure and living life by the seat of my pants not knowing what’s going to happen each and every day but she is the one and only constant thing in my life. 

I turned down the gravel path that leads to my family's farm and Y/N’s place. I make a split decision and turn right at the fork in the road as I head down the driveway as I see the all too familiar farm house come into view. I park my truck as I make my way to the front door. The porch creaked as I opened the screen door and racked my knuckles against the wooden door. The faint sound of Y/N’s voice came from the other side letting me know to come in.

I open the door and the all too familiar smell of apple pie and vanilla and caramel fill my nose. The applepie being one of the candles she always burns but the vanilla and caramel the unmistakable smell of Y/N. 

I kick my boots off at the door and make my way to the living room as my eyes take in the sight before me. Boxes all over the floor, decorations and ornaments everywhere. My eyes shift to the tree in front of the living room window noting that it’s a bigger tree than you would normally have and then I see you sitting aside of it with your back turned towards me as you sit there tangled in Christmas lights.

“Wow.. i see you went bigger this year” I make my way around the various boxes on the floor as i stand next to you as i look down at you smiling

“Ty! I didn’t know you were home”

I let out a small chuckle as I reach down and take a tangled string of lights into my hand

“Yeah.. I just got home. Sorry I didn't give you a heads up.. But i could hear you struggling from the driveway”

Y/N let out a laugh as she stood up and looked at me and rolled her eyes playfully

“Sure you did… it had nothing to do with wanting to see your best friend at all”

“Well of course it has to do with wanting to see my best friend. I just didn’t think you were gonna struggle THAT badly with these lights”

I watch as you glance around the mess covering the living room and let out a sigh

“It’s just been different… I’m used to having my moms help. I didn’t realize how hard it was to get everything set up by myself. I honestly thought about putting it all back. Only reason i even have a tree is because your mom made your dad bring me one”

My mom had mentioned that she made my dad bring you a tree. She knew you were trying to avoid the holidays. She had convinced you to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas day with us at the house instead of going to work to pick up extra shifts like you had planned to. I knew the holidays were going to be difficult for you this year and that’s honestly the main reason I made sure to come home a little early this year. I take another look at everything scattered about

“I know Y/n… It’s the first holiday without her, I can't imagine how much harder it makes things like this. But I’m here now and I'll help you as best as I can. My mom said she was going to stop over here soon to help as well. Something about bringing cookies and stuff” 

you look up at me and give me a small smile “Well the more the merrier… and we both know i can never turn down your moms cookies so…”

I let out a laugh as a comfortable silence fell between the two of us as we finished untangling all of the lights. 

“Alright.. That should do it… now for the fun part hanging them up…Come on get up here”

I smiled as I squatted down so you could get onto my shoulders. I knew better than to do the lights because you would be picky. A laugh falls from your lips as you get onto my shoulders as I stand up as my hands hold onto your legs as you begin to put the lights on the top of the tree. The music in the background was the only sound filling the room besides the rustling of the tree limbs as the lights were placed onto them. I found myself swaying to the music, mostly on purpose to tease you as you attempted to put the lights on

“TY! You gotta stand still” 

I tilted my head up as i looked as you as you looked down at me and let out a laugh

“But it’s not as fun when I have to stand still” you laughed as I continued to shift from side to side even more as you worked on the lights.

“My lights are going to be crooked”

“Oh they’ll be fine… A little crookedness adds some character”

“My tree will have a touch of the Tyler Owens effect huh?”

I smile as i give your legs a slight squeeze 

“Exactly” 

I watch as you tuck a few more of the lights into the top of the tree as you looks it over

“Okay.. i think the lights are done”

I smile and carefully lower you to the floor as I stand next to you as I admire the tree. 

“You were right, the lights are a little crooked, but they look pretty good. I’d say the tyler owens effect helped with the lights than anything else”

My comment was met with a playful elbow to my ribs as you let out a laugh.

“Yeah yeah.. Now start hanging some ornaments Cowboy”

I smile as I grab the closest box of ornaments as i let the blush on my cheeks subside before looking back at the tree

“Yes Ma'am”

A comfortable silence fell between the two of us as the Christmas music played softly as we hung the ornaments on the tree. I couldn’t help but glance over at Y/N as she would tilt her head and decide if an ornament would look good in that spot on the tree or as she would faintly hum along to the song playing. The second i saw you stand on your tiptoes to try and reach the top of the tree i immediately stepped behind you as i placed my one hand on your hip as my chest rested against your back and my other hand took the ornament from your outstretched hand and placed in at the top of the tree. A smile crosses my face as I feel your head lean back against my chest as I fight to keep my heart rate normal.

“See this is why i keep you around”

I let out a laugh as i gently pull away from you 

“Oh so you only keep me around for my height.. Very shallow Y/N.. Very Shallow”

your laugh filled the room as you tossed an ornament as me teasingly as i managed to catch it

“Hey every short girl needs a tall best friend”

I roll my eyes playfully as i hang the ornament onto the tree

“I guess you’re right. Who else would hang these for you”

I couldn’t help but find myself looking at you again as you went back to the tree. The way your eyes shined from the lights on the tree, the way your hair was framing your face. I quickly shook myself out of it as I continued to decorate the tree.

After finishing the tree and decorating the rest of the living room, my mom had kept to her word and dropped off some cookies for you. We found ourselves on the couch, beers in hand as we sat there in silence as we admired the tree.

“I think we did a pretty good job”

I smiled as i felt your head lean against my shoulder as i wrap my arm around your shoulder pulling you a little closer as i looked down at you and in that moment i realized i couldn’t deny it anymore.. I was falling in love with you… and badly… 

“I think you’re right.. This tree looks perfect”

“Thank you.. For today… i think if you wouldn’t have stopped by i wouldn't have put anything up”

I snapped back to reality after zoning out for a few moments when I heard you thanking me.

“Of course… i would have felt like a horrible best friend if i didn't come to check on you  on your first christmas without your mom”

‘And on my first christmas realizing i’m completely in love with you’

“I don’t know what i’d do without you Ty”

I rubbed your arm subconsciously as I pulled you a little closer. God do I love having you this close.

“You’d probably still be tying yourself up in christmas lights”

Your laughter filled the room again 

“Hmmm you’re probably right”

I let out a laugh as I looked down at you. The longer we sat here I really couldn’t take it any longer. You were so close… and fuck im so in love with you.. I gently pulled you onto my lap as my arms wrapped around your waist as i looked into your eyes and take in your shocked expression as i mumble under my breath

“God I'm gonna regret this…”

“Regret what?”

I look into your eyes once more before I speak quietly

“This..”

Before I lean in and close the distance between us as I bring my lips to yours as I kiss you passionately. I notice that your breath catches in surprise before a sigh leaves your lips as your hands rest on the sides of my neck sending a shiver down my spine and the feeling of your hands on me. A small quiet moan leaves my lips as you kiss me back as I tighten my grip on your hips. God, I had been dreaming of this happening for god only knows how long. I gently push you onto your back on the couch as our lips continue their passionate dance together. 

I felt your hands tangle in the hair at the of my neck drawing another quiet moan from me as I started to kiss down your jaw to your neck as I slid my hand under the hem of your shirt as my hand gently caressed the skin on your hips.

“Mmmm Ty…. Baby….” 

A shiver goes down my spine as I hear you call me ‘baby’ for the first time and it took everything in me to just not completely lose it right here on the couch. My hands roaming your skin under your shirt as I nip at the sensitive skin on your neck making your breathing increase making me impossibly hard. My voice betrays me and comes out in a whimper against your neck

“I need you…”

The sound of your shaky breath reaches my ears as your fingers run down the buttons on my flannel

“I need you too”

God hearing you say you needed me too was about to send me into a spiral. I lean back for a moment to look at you, a moment of clarity in my lust filled hazy mind as i bring one of my hands up to caress your cheek

“Are you sure…? I need to know you want this”

“I want this…. I want this Ty…”

Any restraint I had after hearing you say that was completely gone. I quickly removed my Flannel and tossed it onto the floor as my eyes roam over your body taking in every inch of you as i started to slowly remove your shirt as i leaned down and placed soft kisses to your now exposed chest

“God you’re so beautiful… I need you so badly… i love you so much”

I could feel your heart pounding in your chest as i placed another soft kiss to your exposed chest as your shaky voice speaks up

“I… I love you too”

I slowly lifted my head up to look down at you as I took a second to process the fact that you were saying the words I had been wanting to hear for so long it made me feel weak inside. I smiled down at you as if you had hung the stars in the sky as i run my thumb along your jaw

“Do you want to take this to the bedroom?”

I smile as I see you gently nod your head yes as you look up at me with those beautiful blue eyes that I love so much. I wrap my arms under you and pick you up holding you against my chest as I carry you up the stairs and to your bedroom. Once we reach your room i gently lay you down on the bed as i lean over you, my hands on either side of your head

“You don’t know how badly i’ve wanted this… how many times i've dreamt about being with you like this..”

“Well i hope it’s better than the dreams Ty..”

I let out a low chuckle as i slowly start to kiss down your chest and my hands go back to roaming your sides and hips reveling in the feeling of your bare skin under my hands as i speak against your skin gently as i take one of your bra straps between my teeth and slowly pull it down

“Oh it’s going to be so much better”

I can feel your breathing get faster as your chest and cheeks turn red

“Mmm i’d be lying if i said i haven't dreamed of this either”

I gently finish pushing your bra straps down your arms pulling the piece of lacy fabric off of you and tossing it across the room. My eyes roam over your now bare chest below me as i speak in a soft voice

“I know i already said it but god, you are beautiful Y/N… and i really want to make love to you”

“I really want you to as well”

I slowly let my hand trail down your body as I reach down and unbutton your jeans and quickly remove them and toss them to the side as I work on removing my jeans as well. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. I’ve never wanted anything more than i want you” 

“Me too Ty..”

I look down at you and take a moment to admire you taking in how beautiful you look under me

“You are absolutely gorgeous… and i am so unbelievably in love with you, darling”

“And I'm so unbelievably in love with you too.. Have been for years”

I smile as my hands caress your sides and hips like they are worshipping your body as I lean down and kiss you again as my hands gently pull your legs around my hips as I press myself against you. I pull back from the kiss and rest my forehead against yours as my voice comes out soft 

“Are you ready darling?”

I feel your hands wrap around my bare shoulders as you look into my eyes

“Ready”

I smile as I carefully position myself at your entrance. I swear when i looked down at you in this moment my heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest

“I love you..” “I love you too Ty”

I smiled at your words as I gently pushed myself into you and immediately a soft moan escaped my lips as I kept my eyes on you. I honestly felt like I could cry at this moment. I love you so much and having you right here, under me like this was something I never thought I would get to experience. My forehead rests against yours as my hips set a slow and steady rhythm my voice shaky

“God Y/N…”

You reach your hand up and lace our fingers together on the bed as i watch your eyes flutter closed and the moans leaving your lips as my cock fills you up

“Oh god baby.. You feel so good” 

I moan as my hips continue their steady pace as my head tips back as the pleasure courses through my body. The sound of your moans driving me crazy as you mumble out a few words as your eyes flutter closed

“Mmm so good”

The way you were holding on to me and the sounds you were making were driving me closer and closer to the edge as I picked up my pace and pulled your leg tighter against me needing to feel more of you. I unlace our hands as i bring my hand down and pull your chin back so i could look at you, needing to see you in this moment

“Look at me darling… i want to see your face”

The look in your eyes and the breathless moans falling from your lips were borderline pornographic and I needed to hear more. Your voice sounding shaky as you speak out between moans

“Mmmm i love you i love you i love you”

I smiled the second your eyes connected with mine as I felt a new wave of emotions rush through me. I leaned down and kissed you as i continued to move my hips against you, the way you were looking at me and the words that fell from your lips were pushing me closer and closer to the edge

“I love you so much… I've never felt like this before… i”

I was cut off by a moan that I couldn't hold back. Between the way I felt for you and the fact that it was you that I was doing this with was completely overwhelming me. I picked up my pace slightly the need to be close to you and make you feel good becoming stronger 

“Darling… Sweetheart… I-i’m going to-”

“Mmmm I’m gonna cum Ty…”

I thrust my hips harder into yours as those words left your lips as i kept my eyes on yours as my breathing becomes heavy and shaky

“Cum for me darling.. I want to see how beautiful you look when you do”

Your grip on my shoulder tightens as I feel your legs begin to shake as they wrap around my waist tighter as your orgasm washes over you. Moan after moan leaving your lips as your head tips back against the mattress and your body arches off the bed. Between your sounds and the way you looked as you came around my cock was too much for me. I thrust my hips once more  as i began to cum as a moan left my lips as i ride out my high 

“God… oh god…you’re so beautiful… I love you so much…”

I watched as your chest rose and fell quickly as your cheeks flush as the pleasure washes over the two of us. Once we both came down i slowly collapse onto the bed next to you as i gently wrap my arms around you and rest my head against your chest as i tried to catch my breath and listened to the sound of your heartbeat as my voice comes out mumbled

“That.. was perfect…”

I sigh in content as I feel your fingers run through my hair in a soothing motion as my body begins to relax. Your soft voice filling the room

“Stay the night?”

I close my eyes as i lean into your touch, the feeling of you running your hand through my hair putting me into and even more blissed out state as i mumbled against your skin as i place a few gently kisses to your chest

“I wasn’t planning on leaving”

A comfortable silence fell between us as your movements continued 

“Ty..” 

I gently caressed your hip with my hand as i mumbled against your skin sleepily

“Hmmm?”

“What does this mean for us now?”

I lift my head up slightly, resting my chin against your chest as I look at you. My smile softened as i gently reached my hand up to caress your cheek as i spoke quietly

“It means I'm yours, Darlin. I’ve been yours for a long, long time. I love you”

“I love you too… and I've been yours for a long time too whether you knew it or not.. It’s always been you Ty..”

I smiled as I heard you say that you have been mine for a while. I push myself up so I can properly hover over you as I look down at you lovingly.

“My turn to ask a question”

“Okay”

I smile as my eyes roam over your face as i gently tuck a piece of hair behind your ear

“Now that we know how we feel, and we both know that this is what we want… will you be my girlfriend?”

“I’d love to finally be your girlfriend Ty..”

I smile widely as i lean down and place a soft kiss to your lips before gently placing kisses all over your face as i spoke between kisses

“I love you…i love you.. I love you”

My heart skipped a beat as I heard you let out a giggle as I planted kisses all over your face as you mumbled out that you loved me too. I planted one final kiss to your lips before I laid down onto my back and pulled you over so you were laying on my chest as I held onto you not wanting to let go for a single second. Your head on my chest, your legs tangled with mine had me feeling like I was in a dream. I smiled once more before kissing the top of your head and pulling the blanket up over the two of us as we both drifted off to sleep in eachothers arms. 

I felt the warmth of the sun shining through the curtains as I slowly opened my eyes, taking a second to orient myself as I realized where I was and when I did my mind instantly went back to the memory’s of the night before. I looked down at you still sleeping against my chest as a smile crossed my face. I honestly think this is the happiest I have ever been. Getting to wake up next to the woman that I have been in love with for so long was a great feeling. I gently ran my hand up and down your side to gently try and wake you up. I smile as you tilt your head on my shoulder as you look up at me and give me a tired smile. I ran my fingers through your hair as I tucked a few loose strands behind your ear.

“Good Morning beautiful”

“Mmm Morning Handsome”

I let out a soft chuckle as I continued to run my fingers gently through your hair as your eyes flutter closed again. 

“I can get used to waking up next to you”

“Me too.. I think that’s the best i’ve ever slept”

I smile as i gently pull you closer to me as i mumble into your hair

“I know this is gonna sound cheesy, but last night.. With you, was the best night of my life”

“Me too Ty” 

Hearing you say last night was the best night of your life as well sent a new wave of happiness and reassurance through me. I placed a gentle kiss to your temple as i return my hand to your side as i gently ran my fingers up and down your skin

“Darlin, can I ask you something?

“Of course”

I look down at you admiring how you looked snuggled up against me as you shimmied yourself even closer to me

“Where do you think we will go from here? I mean, we’re officially together, we know how we feel.. But I was wondering.. Where you saw us in 5,10 years, Like… I'm sure it’s still too early to talk about that stuff, but I can't help wanting to plan forever with you.. I’ve waited too long for this.. For you..”

“Well if you were asking 15 year old me… id be hoping we’d be getting married, buying a house and having babies”

I let out a laugh as you said that finding it kind of adorable that you had dreamed of this with me when you were 15.

“Oh yeah?”

I moved around so i was hovering above you as i looked down at you with nothing but pure love in my eyes

“And what about the you now? What does she want?”

I smile as you look up at me and gently brush some of my hair back from my forehead as you bring your hand down to rest on my cheek as you look at me like i hung the moon in the sky

“I want the same things as a 15 year old me… the house.. Getting married.. The babies.. Maybe throw in a dog or two in there..” 

I practically melted on the spot. Hearing that you still wanted all of those things with me filled me with both happiness and nervousness

“A house, a wedding, babies and some dogs huh? That’s a pretty big list darlin.. Anything else missy?”

“Nothing else.. Just as long as I have you… ohhhh and maybe a few horses though.. That would be kinda nice too”

My smile grew the more you listed off

“Oh of course, a couple horses, how could I forget… you think we’ll fit all that in one place?”

You look up at me with a smile on your face as your response to my questions comes out confidently

“Well why don’t we just live here? The house is mine now, and it’s got plenty of farm land to go with it… plus it’s right down the road from your parents”

“Live here? In this house? We could actually have room for the horses, the dogs…”

I pause for a second as i look down at you

“And the babies….”

“And the babies”

I smile as I gently press my forehead against yours as the idea of raising a family together with you in the same house I've known for so long makes me happier than I thought it would.

“I think I could get used to that, spending my life with you, building a family in this house that we’ve known forever.. It almost seems perfect”

“Any life with you would be perfect Ty..”

I close the gap between us as i kiss you lightly on the lips as i whisper against them

“Then it’s settled. Our plans for the future, for the rest of our lives… House with horses, and puppies, a wedding babies… and love, lots and lots of love”

“Lots of love”

I lean down and gently place a kiss to your neck as i speak between each kiss

“DO i get to pick the number of those babies, or are you going to be in charge of that?”

“Mmm that depends… how many are we talking about”

I chuckle against your skin at your questions as i move my lips as i nip at your skin leaving a small mark as i speak back

“Hmmm, does 3 sound good to you?”

“Mmmm how about 4”

I let out a groan against your skin, liking your idea of 4 better than 3 and the fact that you were willing to have that many kids with me… my kids…

“4 sounds wonderful darling”

I gently kiss down your neck as i nip at the sensitive spot as your hands gently tangled into my hair

“Mmm but no babies until i get a ring and your last name first” 

I hummed against your skin as my hands started to wander across your body as they moved lower as i whispered against your neck

“You’re right. And i plan to put a ring on your finger as soon as i can, i want to make you mine for real, but…”

I begin to slowly kiss down your chest as a small moan falls from your lips

“...that doesn’t mean we can’t practice making those babies….” 

______________________________________________________________

I hope ya'll enjoyed this... I am slowly trying to get back into writing. SOrry if it's not the best but i'm trying!

[paperyowl]

Another WIP, because I have time to go through all of them right now. Rockon, slightly connected to my "Not a Rookie Mistake"-verse.

---

Rocker introduced his wife to Deacon on a Wednesday afternoon.

It had been a relatively quiet week, and Mumford had finally sent his team home for some much-deserved days off. It wasn't unusual for guests to linger in the entrance area under the general supervision of one or two security officers, especially around shift change.

Deacon knew most of the faces of his team members' partners by then. And usually the respective spouses of the B-team as well. But there was one woman that he had never seen before. She wore simple jeans and a crisp blouse and her hair was pulled back in a neat ponytail. There was a quiet confidence about her, a subtle strength in the way she held herself. She was definitely attractive.

Deacon watched as her face morphed into a smile as she spotted whoever she was waiting for - and almost choked on the water he'd just been about to drink when he saw that it was Rocker who kissed her in greeting.

"Woah there, Deac," Luca called out. "You doing okay?"

Deacon coughed, then laughed. "Just went down the wrong pipe."

He didn't know what else to say, how else to cover up that wicked lick of jealousy that had just tightened his throat. And hold up, where had that even come from - he had no business being jealous, he was not jealous.

It was a good thing that Deacon could make himself fall in step with Luca almost blindly these days, following the rest of his squad while they were getting ready to head out.

Deacon just barely managed to keep his polite, neutral face firm when they reached the couple. When had this happened?

"Don't tell me she's here for you, Rocker," Luca teased, and Rocker scoffed good-naturedly. He certainly couldn't complain about any teasing while he used every chance to rib them himself. Deacon knew that Rocker revelled in their little rivalry - the number of betting pools the man ran was a bit concerning these days.

"Don't mind them," Rocker told the woman by his side. "Rowdy bunch the lot of them."

"Makes you fit right in, doesn't it?" The woman said, and earned herself a bout of laughter from the group. Rocker put a dramatic hand to his chest, but the woman smacked his hand lightly against his shoulder.

"Everyone, this is Valerie," Rocker said. "My wife."

And somehow, that was worse than Rocker kissing her. Something very ugly reared its head, an emotion that made Deacon's gut clench. He told himself very firmly to let it go.

Somehow, Deacon joined the rest of his team in polite greetings. He didn't know how he hadn't realized Rocker was dating someone. Let alone him having a wife.

It wasn't his place. But Deacon was feeling way too many things to even focus on one of them for long enough to tell himself to cut it out.

The next morning, Deacon walked into the office kitchen, and of everyone who could have decided to arrive early that day, he found Rocker there. Luck was definitely not on Deacon's side that day.

"Good morning," Rocker said when Deacon hesitated for a beat. He echoed the greeting, then went about making breakfast without further acknowledging Rocker.

He knew that he wouldn't get away with it - but Deacon didn't even know what he could say about this. 'I didn't know you're married?' Yeah, it wasn't really Deacon's place. 'I'm sorry, but I'm jealous of your gorgeous wife'. Also, not great.

Rocker sighed when Deacon's silence continued.

"Do we have to talk about this?"

"What's there to talk about?" Deacon deflected rather badly if he was being honest.

"We've been married six months," Rocker told him. It was new. But not that new - and Deacon had never even picked up on it. But that wasn't exactly a surprise. He tried not to look at Rocker too closely, not to interact beyond friendly jabs.

(Because he'd wanted Rocker back on that day in the bar, but Deacon was trying hard not to look at the fact that this want had never entirely gone away. If anything, it had gotten worse over the years, worse with starting to know this man.)

"I thought you," Deacon started and then stopped.

"I'm bi," Rocker told him. "Always have been."

There was another silence. Rocker cleared his throat.

"Well. Good talk. We're good?"

"Of course," Deacon said.

"Right," Rocker muttered, sounding exhausted for some reason.

[vickytaa]

𝐅𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧. 𝐌.𝐒.

summery: After a great game, y/n is not happy with her participation

___________________☆___________________

My team was happily celebrating winning the match, while I was thinking about what I needed to improve for the next one. I haven't been good enough, I made several mistakes that definitely won't happen in the next one.

I need to train more to improve, I must not drop any balls. Maybe watching the video of my match will help me see where I went wrong.

I played badly. I need to train more, maybe I'll sign up for another training session, surely another coach can tell me what I'm doing wrong. Or als-

"Hey," Matt's sweet voice interrupted my post-match thoughts. He walked over and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I quickly looked up, meeting his worried look.

He knew that I took the sport very seriously, but he never supported me in going to train more hours and refused to take me to training sessions that were "Too much" according to him.

I let out the breath I had been unconsciously holding. "Can we go home?" I asked, my eyes filling with tears. I didn't know why I felt like crying so badly, nor did I know why I felt like I had played so badly.

But it's true, I played badly.

Matt slowly nodded, not even asking why I hadn't celebrated with my teammates, or how I felt after the game, like he always does. But I think I know why he doesn't, it's because he already knows the answer.

I'm never satisfied with how I play, there are times when I come home crying, torturing myself all day about how I played badly while everyone told me I was the player of the match. But it wasn't enough, it never is.

That's why I always try to find ways to improve, watching my games and counting my mistakes in my notebook:

- 1 serving error, I got to 8/10 touches, I was blocked 3 times, I have to run faster, open up to attack faster, I need to train more.

We left quickly, people who passed me congratulated me for the great game we had, but nothing filled the emptiness I felt inside. Matt noticed it, he knew what was going on inside my mind. Well, maybe only a part of what goes on inside it.

When we got to the car, we got in but Matt wouldn't start the car. He knew this had to stop, what was happening to me was a very serious problem.

"Y/n" Matt said, his tone normal, covering the great concern behind it. I turned my head, just enough to look him in the eyes, and that's when I saw it. The concern, the fear.

The tears that had formed earlier were now rolling down my face. The silence filled the car with noise. Our gazes did not move away, as if they were communicating with each other.

Matt shook his head slightly, inviting me to sit on his lap. I had never given myself to him easily. Whenever I cried after a game I always found a way to cry alone, immersed in my own thoughts.

But this time it was different, there was nowhere to run, and there was no reason to. I slowly unbuckled the seat belt and curled up on his lap, my head resting on his chest, feeling his heartbeat.

It was all very intimate, the moment, the closeness, the love. I had never felt strong enough to let myself be so vulnerable in front of someone, but I couldn't with Matt. He was my safe place, where I recharged my energy to carry on with my day to day life.

He hugged me tightly, as if he was trying to gather the broken glass. The tears kept falling without stopping. Even though there was not a single word, he understood me, I understood myself.

"You shouldn't torture yourself like this. Please, Y/n, it kills me to see you like this every day" Matt confessed. I always knew that he had a bitter taste in his mouth whenever I came home crying from a training session or a game, but hearing it from him?

Pain flooded my chest, knowing how the mental damage I was doing to myself was affecting those I loved the most.

This had to stop, it wasn't good for me and even less for those who care about me. I must stop beating myself up for mistakes that aren't that big of a deal.

"I'm sorry," I said, my voice cracking. And I really did. My sobs were the only thing that could be heard at that moment, the sound of them ripping through Matt's soul. Seeing me this broken, this vulnerable, killed him.

He quickly gave me a small kiss on my forehead, and then hugged me even tighter, as if he didn't want me to ever leave. "It's okay, baby." He said, his words hanging in the air as I tried to hold them in and believe them.

It wasn't okay, not at all, but in that moment, I felt like everything was going to be okay. We were going to get through this together and we weren't going to let my frustration win.

"Thank you," I said, my voice low, almost like a sigh, but just enough for him to hear. "I love you," Matt said as he rested his chin on my head, trying to hold me as close as possible.

"I love you more," I said. My sobs slowly calmed down, the air became lighter and the voices in my head quieter.

𝐕 -

[yurinaa-world]

Hi! Could you make an artist reader? Basically a painter who draws his partner or cats, etc?

With the characters Aventurine, Sampo, Moze, Dan Heng (I'm using this with a translator so I don't know if it's spelled correctly...)

2#"𝓓𝓻𝓪𝔀 𝓶𝓮 𝓵𝓲𝓴𝓮 𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓸𝓯 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓷𝓬𝓱 𝓰𝓲𝓻𝓵𝓼"

💫𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒶𝒸𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓈: Aventurine, Sampo, & Moze x Gender-Neutral reader

💫𝒮𝓎𝓃𝑜𝓅𝓈𝒾𝓈: with a reader who's an artist

💫𝒲𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈: Fluff, & Spelling mistakes

💫Dan Heng's part is here: 💫

💫𝒜𝓋𝑒𝓃𝓉𝓊𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑒 "𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒮𝑒𝓃𝒾𝑜𝓇 𝑀𝒶𝓃𝒶𝑔𝑒𝓇 𝑜𝒻 𝐼𝒫𝒞 𝒮𝓉𝓇𝒶𝓉𝑒𝑔𝒾𝒸 𝐼𝓃𝓋𝑒𝓈𝓉𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝒟𝑒𝓅𝒶𝓇𝓉𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉"

“Not bad, not bad at all. You really know what catches my good side.”

It was supposed to be a gift painting of him, your delicate, nimble fingers first sketched it out before picking out colours and finally taking a brush and painting over the canvas sketch with extreme eye for detail.

He always loved to barge in whenever he felt like it, but now it is a very bad moment! He saw it when you were almost finished! Seriously, you wanted to surprise him so badly. You whirl around cheeks already flushed from the intensity of your concentration, now burning hotter with embarrassment. 

"Y-you weren’t supposed to see it yet!" you stammer, instinctively moving to shield the canvas with your arms, though it's far too late. He smirks, leaning casually against the doorframe, arms crossed. 

"Oh, come on. You can't blame me for being curious. I mean, you’ve been holed up in here for days, looking all suspicious."

He goes silent for a bit, staring at the painting for a while…

He's sort of left completely speechless by you.

“Wow, what detail. How about I put this up in my office.” he grinned, while you completely protested the idea because you weren’t finished 

“No way! It’s not finished.”

💫𝒮𝒶𝓂𝓅𝑜 𝒦𝑜𝓈𝓀𝒾 "𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒮𝒾𝓁𝓋𝑒𝓇-𝒯𝑜𝓃𝑔𝓊𝑒𝒹 𝒮𝒶𝓁𝑒𝓈𝓂𝒶𝓃"

“I didn’t do anything wrong.” 

He whined and cried till his throat went dry, but even then that wouldn’t stop his extremely annoying cries. All while you listen and skim through your supplies, nit-picking at what you need all while your canvas is stood in front of a Sampo who’s tied to the chair. 

“Dear Sampo just wanted to make some profits, and those paintings have been there for years, I was just doing you a favour!”

You only sigh at his words. You don’t like to sell your painting, especially with a vendor like Sampo of all people. It may have been ancient yet you didn’t want to get rid of it.

the idea that it may be hanging on a wall in some random place, bought by Sampo’s tricks at a higher price, gave you an unpleasant feeling in your mouth. “You are something, you know,” you whispered, taking a palette knife and twirling it around in your fingers. Not for a show of power—even if you’d like Sampo to see it that way—but because it helped your mind stay focused.

At an exaggerated rate, Sampo shrank back while his chair was making a squeaky noise, signifying his discomfort. “I mean, come on, be realistic, let’s think logically about it! I’m only the middleman in the process here, attempting to make your raw talent the new trend!” 

“You’re right, so in turn for your service I decided to give you something to sell as well.” you smile with joy, as you sit down on the chair in front of my canvas, which makes him sweat dearly on what you’re about to do. 

You lean back, tilting your head as if to get a better view of your subject. “You’d make a... striking muse, don’t you think?” Sampo’s cheeks flush a deep red. “Striking? I—I mean, I am a good-looking guy, but—wait a second! What kind of striking are we talking about here?” 

“You're right, someone would like a painting of a guy like you, I wonder in what position though,” you mutter that last part but you know he heard “Your beauty will sell for millions just like you wanted.”

💫𝑀𝑜𝓏𝑒 “𝒮𝒽𝒶𝒹𝑜𝓌 𝒢𝓊𝒶𝓇𝒹 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒳𝒾𝒶𝓃𝓏𝒽𝑜𝓊 𝒴𝒶𝑜𝓆𝒾𝓃𝑔”

“Moze.”

One call of his name and he’ll be landing at your feet to see what you need him to do. Appearing behind you, his hands gently landing on your shoulders—still scaring you to death, before whispering “You called” under his breath, yet loud enough for you to hear.

Immediately turning around and clasping your hands with his, along with a giant smile on your face. “Moze! Could you be my subject!”

He (easily) caved and became what you needed him to be most, your subject in your painting. He’s so awkward when posing! You had to personally move him around a couple of times since he’s made all of the poses you put him in awkward somehow.

Which leaves you to have your hand on your chin, staring at him with a precise gaze, that is the same as his, yet, yours was made to find beauty in hopeless things.

 “Hah…how should I pose you.”

Taking his one hand in yours while your other hand goes to his hood, you gently pull it down, revealing his slightly messy hair. “You hide so much behind this,” you say softly, smoothing a few strands away from his face. 

“I think… maybe something natural,” you mumble, tilting your head to examine him from another angle. You guide him to sit on the chair near the window, where the soft light filters through the curtains. “Lean back, like this,” you murmur, adjusting his shoulders to relax against the chair. “And look out the window… like you’re lost in thought.”

Moze does as you say, his hands gripping the edge of the chair a little too tightly. You shake your head with a small laugh and pry his fingers loose, placing one hand on his lap and letting the other dangle over the side of the chair. “There. Try to look more relaxed.”

He’s honestly trying the best he can, his shoulders less tense and face less serious—even though that’s basically all he knows to do. “Thank you.” You smile gently at him before pecking him on the lips as a thank you, before finally starting at your sketch.

He can’t forget your pretty smile. He helped you. He wishes he had his hood on now.

if you liked this, consider tipping me on ko-fi! it'd mean a lot!

[koalapastries-writes]

similar to the last request you published, oscar or loscar starting to date a guy who realises he got pregnant from a one night stand just before he met them and he tries to hide it cause he assumed they don’t want to date him cause he wants to keep the baby

post referenced

oh i love single seahorse dad reader so much <3

you and wouldn't have been on more than a few dates when you found out. and you panic, because of course you do! you really like oscar. he's sweet and silly and a little bit oblivious but that just adds to his charm. you try to hide it for a few weeks while you figure out what you want. and, unfortunately, you come to the most complicated conclusion—you want your baby.

oscar's so confused and worried he's done something wrong. he thought things were going well with you, but then you started pulling away. dodging calls, postponing dates, refusing hugs ... and he can't figure out why. he'll go back over everything he's ever said to you and everything he's done to try to find where he went wrong because he so badly wants to fix it. he'll even enlist his mum and sisters to give him an outside perspective. but he still comes up empty.

meanwhile, you're so scared that oscar will want to break up because of the baby. you try distancing yourself to make it easier, but it doesn't work. nothing works. you don't want to lose oscar. eventually you decide you need to tell him. maybe you're embarrassed about getting knocked up by a one night stand. maybe you're not. either way, it's still not a conversation you're looking forward to.

oscar, on the other hand, is relieved. he hasn't done anything wrong. and, yeah, you two haven't been dating for long, but he's pretty sure you're it for him. he's already rambling about baby proofing his apartment and he'll try to find you the most trans-positive doctors available.

i think he gets so confused when you say you understand if he doesn't want to see you anymore. he'll spend literally hours assuring you that he doesn't care (and is actually excited) about the prospect of you and a baby. oscar is so easily susceptible to baby fever and you can't convince me otherwise.

he is so doting when you're in full seahorse dad mode. he's doing midnight runs for odd cravings. he's buying you any clothes he thinks you'll be comfy and not dysphoric in. you'll probably even move in together before you're due. when baby comes, oscar will be volunteering to get up in the middle of the night. he's so enamoured by your baby. it doesn't take long before you tell him they're his baby, too.

he will also be asking if you can have another one after like three months. he'll also teach you kid (or kids, if you have more) how to kart when they're old enough.

[gouraminnow]

One Piece / Straw hats with a Reader who struggles with ASI (Autistic Self Injury)

Warnings: Self harm, primarily

ASI is sometimes referred to as Non-Suicidal Self Injury, and it's typically not done deliberately the way "standard" SH is. It can be because of both under or over-stimulation, or sometimes it can just be a form of stimming that happens to be physically harmful. This isn't exclusive to autism, it's also common w/ compulsion based disorders such as OCD.

Disclaimer: I'm not a professional of any sort I'm just a guy who has it. My experience is not universal and most of this will be based on how I experience and deal with these problems.

POST THAT CATERS TO ME BEFORE ANYBODY ELSE HERE WE GO!!!

In all honesty One Piece is so chock-full of quirky and frankly weird people that I don't think an autistic person would phase most characters all that much. Not saying ableism wouldn't exist at all, but like. Franky is here. I don't think most lower-support needs autistic people would even be noticed by anyone other than some of the doctor characters and I don't think high-support needs people would be treated badly (By the more... decent characters, anyway). I mean hell I will always go to bat for autistic Luffy hcs, as well as Robin and Usopp to a degree but ANYWAY!

Before everyone is used to it, the site of you doing it (while upset especially) has everyone scrambling to grab you and stop it from continuing. There is… a good chance this upsets you even more, having your new crewmates suddenly swarming you... it takes a bit of back and forth, explaining that this is just normal for you.

Luffy is the one I thought of first... I've always been a biter. Whether it's nails or biting open the skin on my hands it's one of the forms I personally struggle with a lot. Now I may think Luffy is autistic but this does NOT mean I think he'd immediately understand/get it. Obligatory "autism is a spectrum" spiel, a lot of us butt heads if we have conflicting symptoms/struggles. Luffy is sympathetic, and worried about you, but he's also very blunt and there's a good chance he'd argue with you over it. What are you upset about? Clearly something's wrong, if you're doing this. What do you mean you don't notice? You're bleeding. Doesn't it hurt? This is bad for you. He's worried, so just cut it out already!

You tell him it's just an impulse you don't think about, like wiping your nose or tapping your foot. It doesn't really hurt until someone points it out, or if you accidentally do something really bad. His brows screw up, and he stares at you very intently. He says if you can't stop, then he WILL help you the next time it happens. You're a little put off, and have the suspicion that he doesn't really get it, but... well, he clearly means well. It's nice that he worries about you, and that even while ignorant in some aspects of his concern, he doesn't belittle or blame you for these behaviors... ultimately, you feel pretty okay about how things went.

Until the next time he sees you doing it, he launches across the ship to shove his nasty, grubby-ass hands into your mouth. "It doesn't hurt me!" he exclaims, while you try to cuss him out and avoid gagging on his stupid, rubbery fingers. "You need to bite, so bite me! This way hurts nobody, shishishi!" You shriek, the two of you toppling over onto the deck. Sanji or Nami smack him over the head to get him off of you. It wasn't what you'd call helpful, but... if he's out on deck or in the room with you, there's a little self-check you run through to make sure nothing your doing will warrant... that. So maybe it does sort of work?

Luffy has a similar approach to other forms of ASI too. Skin picking and hair pulling? Hitting yourself? Yeah he's going koala mode(animal that clings. Not the character) and wrapping himself around you, restraining your limbs. Which unfortunately has a high chance of making the urge worse, if it's compulsion based...

Now, Chopper has heard of this, and read about it, but he hasn't actually seen it in person yet. The first time he sees you doing it, it's shortly after you've joined. He goes to meet with you- every new member gets a check-up just to make sure everything's in working order! He finds you in the aquarium bar, absentmindedly gazing at the fish... but when he calls to you, you turn, and reveal the bloody mess of your hand- nails chewed far past the quick. He freaks out, which probably freaks you out, which attracts the attention of the others, and...

Yeah. That could've gone better. It takes a bit for you two to calm down. There's a chance he might think this is a more standard form of self-harm, and feel guilty because you're so unhappy you'd do this to yourself... when he learns the actual reason, he... still feels pretty guilty for not noticing or considering the possibility sooner. But he's the one who briefs everyone else on the details, possibly even you if you don't know you're autistic or why you do these things. I don't think these types of diagnoses or the terminology surrounding them are well known in the OP universe, so there's a good chance you don't have clue what your own problem is. Either way, everybody knows now.

Chopper lays down the basics. There's the passive SH you don't even notice, reflexive the way scratching an itch or brushing away hair is. Then there's the kind that you do because you're upset or overwhelmed in some way. It's not so simple as just stopping. You need other outlets when you feel the urges start up. He works with you to try and practice healthier grounding and coping strategies, and the others fall in line.

Nami isn't great about it if she sees it before Chopper tells everybody what's up... means well, but scolding you or grabbing you directly does not help the urges go away. She means well, but she's used to the other knuckleheads and their more... deliberate brand of dipshittery. Much more patient once she's been told the details, whether from you or Chopper.

If Nami catches you picking at your skin, it's pretty common for her to hand you a tangerine to peel. It's similar enough to skin, she reasons, it might be a good alternative. And then you can eat it afterward instead of chewing on yourself. It's a two-in-one solution! Both of you fail to consider how easily citrus juice gets inside a hand-wound though... after the first incident, it's a solution for picking at any other body parts. You can hang out in the map room with her for a little bit of peace and quiet, as long as you don't distract her. She might explain some of her work to you if you're interested.

She'll smack around any of the others if they upset/overwhelm you, whether it's actually enough to start up the sh. Her yelling might not help, but it is nice to feel supported... she'll get you jewelry to fidget with instead, and take you clothes shopping for things that don't set off sensory issues(AND look flattering, of course). Her and Robin will paint your nails. The dried polish is another better peeling/picking alternative to skin and hair. Nami adds the prices of the jewelry and nail polish to the debt of whoever accidentally sets you off.

Robin is a little better about it. If you hit yourself, or bang your head against another surface, she'll use her power to summon hands that cushion your blows. If she sees the scratching, hair pulling, etc. she asks you about it- the question usually enough to ground you and realize it's happening, if you aren't already.

She's good at redirecting you. Has you come relax somewhere quieter with her if you're overwhelmed. Works with Nami in regards to the clothes and nail polish, but also has good chapstick recommendations, since chapped lips are a big problem for lots of people with dermatillomania.

A relaxing person to be around in general (unless you're offput by her morbid comments) and is good to talk to. You admit you feel a bit ridiculous having these issues on a crew chock-full of such accomplished individuals. Childish, even. She chuckles, asking how you can say that living on the same boat as Luffy, of all people? You're hardly the only person here with self-destructive habits and it's far from your only defining trait. And though for differing reasons, both her and Brook commiserate with you regarding the loneliness and feelings of isolation a lot of autistic people face. The struggle of not understanding or being understood in turn...

Insists on you joining her and Nami while they relax, on occasion. Makes Sanji dote on you too, if you aren't a woman and he isn't already.

Speaking of Sanji, he's also good at redirecting you. The kitchen is his domain, but if you're in a rut and it'll help keep your hands busy without overwhelming you, he'll give you something to do. Help chop, help peel, here the eggs are done boiling so be a dear and help with the ice bath, won't you? Won't let you chop onions or chilis even if you insist you'll be fine.

And if you're a chewer/biter, he always has some sort of snack to give you. Finds you chewing your knuckles and shoves some Hors d'Oeuvres at you. Takes care to figure out which textures you like vs. can't handle as well. If you're hitting yourself, he sticks some thick oven mitts on your hands. It's not... perfect, by any means, but it's better.

Zoro hears the way you talk about some of it. The feeling of some sort of tense, uncomfortable energy that fills you, and the desperate need to get it out. Tearing at yourself, hitting yourself, banging your head against something to try and alleviate the feeling. He... thinks he sort of gets it, actually. Not in the same way but he gets antsy and weird if he doesn't get to do something active for too long. Is it something like that..? Passively mentions that weight training might help. It's worth a shot, and you're free to come join him if you'd like to try. And you think it over. Maybe the straining of your muscles would provide a similar and healthier form of relief, while also achieving something productive at the same time... so you make your way up to the crow's nest one day, and he's happy to see you there, truly!

But... Zoro has come a long way since he first joined. He knows he's stronger than you, but misjudged just how big the gap was. He walks you through the proper postures and stances for lifting, only for you both to face a bit of a rude awakening...

You can't lift any of his weights... both of you feel a little awkward, to say the least. And you're a bit disheartened. He makes a plan to get a beginner's set for you, but Usopp and/or Franky probably beat him to the punch and build a training set.

Usopp and Franky work together. Or, well, more like they both get the idea to design fidgety little devices for you, and Usopp nervously tells Franky that they probably shouldn't double as armable explosives or mini missile launchers. There should probably be a clearer line drawn between something you absentmindedly fiddle with and a weapon of mass destruction. He nods earnestly. That's a good point, bro... Guess they'll just make em both separately! SUUUPERRRR!!!!!!

If you have hair pulling issues, Usopp suggests some sort of bandana to cover and pull your hair back like his, just as an added barrier between your hands and your scalp. On top of that, he insists on wrapping bandaids on your fingertips to make picking of all sorts much harder, and makes little finger-caps with Franky when the bandaids also interfere with more regular tasks. For hitting, with Chopper's advice, they make padded gloves, vests/coats to wear that help cushion the blows. They make more covert options too, like chest guards that can be worn under normal clothes. They run their drafts by you, making sure they're not uncomfortable to wear.

Franky's "SUUUPEERRRR!!" is just as likely to become a stim as it is to be overwhelming, honestly. He fashions some noise-canceling headphones for you. When Nami learns about these, she wants her own pair, too.

Brook is always ready to help sooth you with music, but sometimes the elegant notes of a violin can become a pitchy whine to you if you're already overstimulated. It just depends on the situation. It can get to him if he accidentally makes things worse for you, but he tries not to take it personally.

But it often does work. If he's not adding to a racket and things have quieted down, sometimes starting up a song will have your hands fall to your sides without you realizing you were hurting yourself in the first place. He's very giddy about it when he pulls this off but tries not to be obvious. Subtlety isn't exactly his thing, though.

He makes a joke from a place of concern- that if you keep tearing at yourself like this, you'll end up a skeleton just like him. If it bothers you, he'll never make a joke like it again. He isn't trying to be cruel, he just likes to deal with things by being silly. If you do like it, and he gets a laugh out of you, it becomes a running gag. "You know, they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. But as much as I would enjoy having another skeleton on board, this really isn't good for you..."

[fanfic-gremlin-ft-trauma]

my best friends sister recently came out as trans and it’s really showing the subtle transphobia and bias around me

it’s never “she came out” or “she’s trans” it’s

“/deadname/ wants to be a girl”

“/deadname/ feels that he is trans”

idk man it’s just really off putting because to me it’s literally just an identity, it’s expression, it’s comfortability, and like, ok yes it’s a change if you’ve known this person as one name your whole life, but it’s just like a surname? if they choose to take the spouses last name that’s what you call them, not that different. pronouns, to be honest, are not difficult to adjust to. sorry, but if you’re ’uncomfortable’ calling someone by their preferred pronouns imagine how they feel. finally comfortable enough to tell people, and now you’re saying “sorry, I’m just having trouble adjusting to calling you by she/her.”

???????? it’s incredibly weird to me. anyway, thought I’d share bc trans people are so so important and even if we’re ‘progressing’ it’s subtle language that can actually hurt the most.

anyway anyway, so happy for her, and I’m glad she felt comfortable enough to come out, because especially where I live that’s not easy <3

[spaghett-onaplate]

depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed

[semiotomatics]

I FUCKIN. DID IT. FUCK

[bldrdsh]

THERE'S A CLEAR change in Temir's demeanor, Karthisius's EYES catch it near instantly. It's as though these notions are ones so foreign his mind had never allowed them to be any semblance of an option. He had seen it with Shyngay as well. He wondered if this had been what Matyr went through when he'd made the choice to TURN his back on his father. ATTENTION remains on Temir, his head tilted as he listens.

"You are correct, I DON'T know what you deserve, but I can tell you no one deserves to be forced into a LIFE they had no say in being part of. Even IF you have sullied hands, it doesn't matter. YOU HAVE the right to have autonomy over the life you'd lead. Your existence isn't forfeit to your father simply because he ALLEGEDLY created you."

It's saddening for him to see someone SO BEATEN down by the person who brought them into the world. It ANGERED him in a way that he suspected was the driving force behind wanting to help Temir & his siblings so badly. He figures it's better left unsaid but when Temir speaks again, Karthisius furrows his brow.

"Be that as it may, my point stands. I have no love for my own pantheon, and I most certainly DO NOT do anything to appease Zeus. He had the opportunity to try and have a good working relationship with me and he failed, PATHETICALLY. There is no mending it, and thus I live in isolation. That said ALLOW me to educate you about the nature of the GREEK GODS. Everything you THINK your 'sky gods' are––my PANTHEON actually is."

He sighs quietly. He'd heard PLENTY of times how Shyngay WORRIED about how cruel & UNFORGIVING the 'sky gods' were but Karthisius had a SINKING suspicion that they were LIED TO. Fed these beliefs by their EGREGIOUS excuse of a parent. It made Karthisius's blood boil, but the question that follows causes him to pause.

"It isn't an easy choice to make. Perhaps you're not ready, PERHAPS you need more time to think about it. It is why I offered you sanctuary here. I can't decide for you if it's the right course of action––but you should at least consider what it is that YOU want."

At first, the god simply rolled his eyes, ready to try his very best to just let the others' words fall away from him like water to a ducks back. Yet there was a sentence there that caught him unawares, making him still, grinding every inch of him to a halt. You & your brothers & sisters were forced into a life you didn't deserve or ask for. The wording struck him harder than he'd ever thought possible, the strange and foreign notion that he and his siblings somehow deserved better than the lot they'd given? Was it odd to know that he'd never really considered that? That he could go against the grain, that any of them truly could?

Even Matyr hadn't fully turned his back on what he was, on his purpose. Maybe he was thinking too deeply into it, but that was his job, as a businessman, as a master manipulator, he had to be able to seed his way into every nook and cranny to understand and gain control from every angle possible, pull every puppet string available to him. But this? Did they deserve it? Did they deserve better? Did he deserve better? After all this time? After his life's work? His twisted view of humanity? His goal of harming the very planet they stood on all in an effort to further punish humankind for simply existing? Why? Because his father told him to.

Temir tried his best to remain unreadable, but the pain was there, hardening that confident expression, tainting it with the doubt that he'd spent so long trying to bury in the darkest crevices of his mind. "You don't know what we deserve... what I deserve." It was the most raw the god had been in a long time, since he'd last lowered his guard and opened up to the woman he'd loved only for it to be thrown back in his face. It frightened him, being so exposed, but for a moment, it was all he had left.

Instead of letting the thought ferment, he shook his head as if physically trying to shake it off. "You forget, information is easy to come by on Earth. Humans aren't exactly difficult to manipulate, particularly when that's your area of expertise. For the god of informants? He has eyes everywhere, spies everywhere... it's as easy as breathing. But gods outside our pantheon? Let's just say networking is more difficult to navigate without stepping on too many toes." He found it so easy to fall back into his usual manner, that air of confidence returning to him even though there was definitely a thick layer of it missing now. "Just like you don't know everything about us, we don't know everything about you. We hear snippets every now and then, gossip, but... it's not as though each pantheon sends out a monthly newsletter." It was a rather amusing thought though.

"And isolation? That means nothing. From what I understand, my dear uncle Ulgen lives in isolation. That doesn't mean he shares in your defiance. As for the sheer lack of other gods partaking in your delightful presence... like you said, this is your domain, it's protected. We have no way of knowing what you get up to in your own little world. For all I know, you could be having wild cocktail parties and fine soirees. I know of at least one of your pantheon who would approve." He explained so that the other could understand where he was coming from, shrugging his shoulders as he looked around him. "So, you'll pardon me if I take everything you say with a grain of salt. More so given how cosey you've been with my pantheon's sky gods. You have to understand how this looks from my point of view?" Though he neglected to mention what it meant on a more personal level. "This... is a lot to take in. Whether you're telling the truth or not, it's... a lot and I've invested my entire existence into the way I am now, to the life I live. How could I possibly turn back now? This is everything I have, everything I am."

[screambirdscreaming]

Not a coherent thesis here yet but I've been thinking lately about the dynamic of.... people who loved you unconditionally as a kid (or on the condition of being family, which is another weird dynamic) - but as you got older that became strained because you grew into someone they didn't expect and they realized that they did have conditions, actually.

I mean. There are people who had conditions all along, but just didn't mention them until you didn't meet them. And there's people who spent the whole time actively trying to mold you into someone who would meet their conditions.

But there's also people who truly didn't realize that you could grow up into someone that surprised them, that pushed their concepts of normal reasonable people. I think often because they themselves were constrained in their childhoods and mentally closed off whole worlds of options of ways people could be, without realizing it. So they thought kids just sort of naturally grew out of those sorts of quirks and eccentricities. Without realizing how much that dynamic was driven by active suppression, and how weird people could get if you just let them.

There's one such person in my life who has truly tried to grow and learn as this has come up, over and over again. And I really love and respect her for it, even if sometimes its a little exhausting to have to keep pushing at it. Keep explaining, and expanding, and not being hurt by her baseline of confusion that I'm still just.... not someone she knows how to expect. Even after all this time. But she does love me unconditionally. And for her that's the baseline, and she's willing to put in the work to expand her understanding of the world to know what it means to love me for who I am, even if it doesn't always come easily to her.

And then there's other people who run into this same tension and don't know what to do with it. They don't realize that loving you for who you are means putting in work to expand their concept of ways people can be. They don't try to overtly push you into not being like that but they keep holding out the expectation that you will, because how are they supposed to love you being like that? And of course as a kid, a teen, a young adult, you don't really have words for it either. You can feel the tension, the dissonance between the way they openly offer love to you that doesn't seem to fit, and the way they react to with confusion or distaste to parts of you that you can't change, or don't want to. Sometimes to things in yourself you can't even identify. So sometimes you make an effort to hide those things and act like they want. And sometimes you buckle down on being yourself. But neither approach really seems to fill the gap. You can't recieve affection and have it fit at the same time.

And eventually it just feels like you've sort of failed each other. By the time you have the words and self awareness to know what went wrong and where, it's too late to draw the chasm closed.

It's not too late to bridge it. But if we make this effort as adults, with the conditionality of adult relationships, you'll have to see me as I am and accept that - or be a stranger.

It's weird, to be like strangers with people who've known you your whole life.

[stuworbutwithchipmunks]

I think we should talk more about how CGI Brittany has the career 80's Brittany always wanted.

[tsnbrainrot]

.

[crabussy]

I want to take a bite out of someone's arm but I'm too shy