#even if you have and it went badly if you have and it went well even if. you’re valid

[ashwhowrites]

Can you do one where Eddie and the reader are in a secret relationship and Eddie wants to make it public but the reader doesn’t and he feels insecure about it but in reality the reader doesn’t want him to get picked on.They get into a big fight but they make up please and thank you 💖💘

I hope this is what you wanted and you enjoy it. Thank you for requesting 🫶🏻

Ending isn't proofread whatsoever

To be ready

Y/N and Eddie agreed to keep their relationship a secret for the beginning. They wanted to date and get to know each other without everyone getting in their business.

Eddie struggled with it once they reached their five month anniversary. He felt like it was long enough and he was ready to express his feelings for her with no shame. Y/N was a little bit more nervous but she agreed, it felt like the right time.

"You ready?" Eddie asked, the smile on his face full of excitment. Her heart warmed knowing how badly he wanted to show her off, and their relationship. This was going to be their first public moment, and the first time he will introduce her to his band.

She gripped his hand, nerves filling her body. "Yes," she smiled, even though she was terrified. All she had to do was meet new people, it couldn't go that bad, right?

He walked them through the back of the bar, a small gig for the band. He walked into the small backroom and she slipped in behind. She saw a group of some boys and girls, all talking.

"Well, look who finally showed up. And not alone," one of the guys said, teasing Eddie. Eddie's face responded in a blush.

"Gareth, this is my girlfriend, Y/N. Baby, this is Gareth, one of my best friends."

Y/N released his hand to kindly shake Gareth's hand.

"It's nice to meet you," Gareth replied.

She met the rest of the band, and the band's girlfriends. Or groupies, if she was honest. A few gave her dirty looks and it made her nervous. She couldn't help but notice how opposite she was from them. Their clothes were different, the way they talked and carried themselves.

Once the show started, the boys went on stage and the girls joined the crowd. Y/N was in awe watching her boyfriend perform. She forgot about all the girls, just focused on him. As the show ended, she excused herself to the bathroom.

She headed back out to the crowd. Everyone was spacing out now that the entertainment was done. She spotted the girls from earlier waiting by the back doors, where the band would be. She headed over to join them as they waited.

"How long do you think they've been together?"

"Who knows, but I would've kept her hidden. She is so not his type," the three girls snickered. Y/N frowned as it was clear they were talking about her.

"I know! I'm not sure how she managed to pull that off"

"She must have a great personality"

"Isn't he worried she's going to ruin his whole sexy rockstar look? She'll only bring him down. He should be with someone as attractive as he is"

Y/N felt a lump in her throat. She began to second guess the whole thing. They let a few people know and everything she feared that would happen was happening. Eddie was getting looked down on because of her.

Insecurity and anxiety filled her. She felt much less ready to share their relationship with more people. She was back craving their nights alone in his bed, where no one had thoughts on them. As the girl's laughter began to get louder, she ran out.

She grounded herself against the wall, inhaling the smoke as a few people blew their cigarettes. The door opened and she saw her boyfriend looking around, with worry in his eyes. Once his eyes landed on her, his gaze softened.

"There you are, what's wrong?" he asked, as he got closer he noticed her tears. She sniffled and wiped her face, a fake smile sent his way.

"Nothing! I just needed some air," she said but Eddie gave her a look.

"Fine," she sighed, "I'm second-guessing telling people about us."

"It's been an hour. We have to try longer than that before giving up," he argued. She feared where the conversation would go knowing Eddie had been growing more annoyed as the months went by.

"I know, but those girls...I'm not like them, Eddie."

"No one said you had to be, all you have to do is be yourself. Let's go in, have a drink, and try," he said holding out his hand.

"I don't feel ready for that, Eddie. I'm sorry. I thought I could do this but I can't." She flinched as Eddie's face hardened. He puffed air out of his nose and rubbed a hand over his face.

It was clear he was agitated, and she felt horrible for causing it.

"When will you be?" Eddie snapped, his force harsher than he intended. "Six months? A year?"

"I don't know," she said as she rubbed her temples. She hated the way she felt and how hard everything felt.

"Do you even want to be with me?" he asked, his face falling. His words were much softer, a little more broken.

"Of course I do!" Y/N gasped, moving closer as he cupped his face in her hands.

"Then why can't you tell other people that?" he looked up at the sky as he tried to keep his emotions back. But the familiar feeling of not being good enough was creeping in.

"I can, Eddie. But dating me, telling people, I've been scared people will pick on you. And I was right! Those girls said everything I feared," she explained. She figured her honesty would help him understand but she gulped when he stepped back and removed her hands from his face.

"Y/N, I've been picked on all my life. I don't give a shit about what people have to say, and you shouldn't either," Eddie explained.

"I don't think I can just ignore it!" Y/N exclaimed, "their words have weight. I'm not like you, I can't shove away people's opinions and thoughts about me and us."

"I think we have different mindsets of being in this relationship," Eddie whispered, he feared he couldn't talk louder without a sob breaking through.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm in this relationship to be with you, to love you and be happy with you. The only person I care about is you, the only person's that thoughts matter to me is you. You can't say the same." Y/N panicked at his words. The look in his eyes and the goodbye tone in his voice.

"But I do!" she tried to argue

Eddie laughed bitterly and scoffed. She moved passed the way his reaction snapped her heart in half. "You don't care about me. If you did, you wouldn't be breaking us up."

"YOU ARE!" Y/N yelled, tears building in her eyes.

"I DON'T WANT TO BE A SECRET!" Eddie yelled back. He took a deep breath as he tried to calm himself. "You're worried about how others will treat me because of you? What about you? What about how you're treating me. You know all I want is for us to be together, no secrets and no shame. And you can't get over yourself to give me that."

"I understand I'm hurting you but can't you understand where I'm coming from? I tried Eddie and I realized I need more time, why can't you give me time?" she argued, her tears turning hot and angry.

"I've given you time, way damn more time than I would have ever needed," Eddie sighed. "Once you feel ready, maybe we'll figure it out."

She covered her mouth as she let out a small cry. Her heart pounded as she took in his heartbroken state. "Are we breaking up?" She whimpered.

Eddie nodded as he tucked his lip into his mouth. He put his hands in his pockets as a way of comfort. "Yeah, baby. We are."

Y/N bit her lip to silence her cries as Eddie walked back into the bar. She wanted to run after him and beg for him to stay. But he was right, he deserved someone better.

She blinked back as many tears as she could and walked to the nearest bus station. She sat on the bus, alone and crying, her heart wishing nothing more than to be in Eddie's van with his hand on her thigh.

~~~

With the summer heat, Y/N felt more miserable. She felt suffocated in her room, with too many memories of Eddie. And she couldn't escape outside without a sunburn.

It's been a long month of nothing from Eddie. Which made sense, he wasn't chasing her. She was chasing him. She was the one who had to make the move. She knew the longer she took to figure it out the faster he would run.

As she stared at her ceiling fan, she wondered if any of it was worth it. She's never felt this much pain in her life, and she was the cause of all of it. She had the power to fix it and she was wasting time.

She was getting sick of herself. Hating herself for what she did and continued to do. She missed him, and might even love him.

Eddie tried to seem like the world didn't crash on him. Tried to smile and act like he wasn't falling apart on the inside. But in reality, Eddie couldn't stand being alone. Her scent followed him everywhere and he missed the feeling of her. He missed her hands, her kiss, her body, everything. But he couldn't go back, she needed to come to him. He hoped that she realized her mistake, that this week of silence was her finding out how to come back.

The show ended and Eddie could hear his thoughts again. Not wanting to, he headed to the bar. He sat down on the stool with a heavy sigh and ordered a beer.

"Still pouting about her?"

Eddie turned as a girl's voice talked into his ear. He rolled his eyes as he looked back at his beer.

"Leave me alone,," Eddie sighed. He definitely wasn't in the mood. But she didn't listen. Instead, she dragged the barstool out and took a seat next to him.

"You're too good for her, anyway. She should have been delighted to have you on her arm," the random girl said.

Eddie eyed her weirdly, having no idea how the news of his ex-secret girlfriend began spreading. But he shook it off and went back to his beer. She talked his ear off for around an hour. Eddie was on his fifth beer as he tried to zone out the noise.

Y/N walked into the bar, feeling uneasy as the last time she was here went horribly. She scanned the crowd, her eyes easily finding him, but he wasn't alone.

A girl was seated beside him, way too close for Y/N's comfort. She was perched up, talking in his ear. Y/N's plan was to have a conversation but the jealousy overpowered everything. She was glad to see that Eddie wasn't entertaining the girl.

Eddie felt his body being spun around on his stool in a flash. Sudden arms wrapped around his neck and soft lips on his. He was surprised to see the lips belonged to Y/N. He instantly kissed back, enjoying the force of her lips against his.

She held on to him as if he was going to disappear. Her heart raced when his arms circled around her waist. He spread his legs, allowing her body to stand between them. She moaned as his tongue slipped inside her mouth, making her warm all over.

They pulled away, and Eddie couldn't wipe the smile off of his face.

"What was that?" He asked, he wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or her that made his head feel dizzy.

"I'm ready. And I'm sorry for not being ready when you needed me to be. But I can't imagine my life without you. I love you and I want us to be together, no shame or secrets." Y/N said, she turned her head and saw the girl had vanished. She looked back at him, their bodies tangled.

"I love you too, baby," his lips smashed on hers. Knocking the air out of her lungs, but she liked the way it burned.

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93 @gretavankleep37 @bellaisswagger @arlxt @ineedmentalhelp123

[mosneakers]

Alex: [Smiles warmly] Hi Coraleye…

Coraleye: [Smiles back] Hi Alex…

Alex: Ready for one last take before we officially call it a wrap?

Coraleye: I guess so! Alex: So how’s life treating you now? You adjusting okay?

Coraleye: Oh… well it's been a whirlwind, to say the least, heh. But I’m finding my footing again. Finally finishing up school. Just barely keeping my head above water some days, but yeah, I’m getting by. Trying to find my new normal.

Alex: [Nods thoughtfully] I want to talk about that a little bit. You’ve had to deal with the aftermath of everything that happened on election night. Do you remember when Cam and I came out to visit you in Brindleton Bay?

Coraleye: Mhm. I sure do. You interviewed some girls I went to school with.

Alex: So, Mackenzie, Briella, Logan… I’m not sure how much you’re aware of, especially with how quickly the media coverage was shut down after election night. But I’ve gotta ask—have you reached out to Coraleye at all since then? Offered any kind of support?

Logan: [Quickly glances at Mackenzie] I’m not sure if we got the chance to reach out yet, have we? Mackenzie:[Feigning innocence] She hasn't filled us in completely, but we’ve heard bits and pieces... Briella: We heard about her and her boyfriend. They broke up, right? [Big grin] Life has a cruel way of teaching us lessons!

Mackenzie presses her lips together, appearing to hold back a laugh, but finally cracks as a sharp cackle spills out.

Mackenzie: Oh my mod, Briella, stop! You can't say that! I just love you. So sorry about her, she's so crazy. Anyways, yeah. We wish her the best. I hope it all works out for her, I really do.

Cam: Well, I think that will probably do it for now, thank you ladies. Alex: Cam's right, thank you for your time. We'll be in touch. Have a happy Harvestfest.

Several weeks later, Britechester-

Alex: Cam and I try not to get too involved with work matters, but I'll be honest, that interview was upsetting. I wonder if they'd still be snickering if they saw what you've been through in these past few months.

Coraleye: Nah, they're the least of my worries. Pretty sure I got the last laugh when it comes to them. [Mischievous grin]

Alex: I'm in awe of your optimism, Coraleye. After all this, you’re really not bitter? I mean, look at Tycho—he lied, tried to erase your memories. And you still take the high road?

Coraleye: Oh no, please don’t get me wrong, Alex! I definitely went through—and sometimes still go through—my naughty phase, from time to time. Alex: [Leans in] You have my attention... Coraleye: Maybe it was for revenge, or a way to cope, or maybe deep down I was just really lonely and had a void to fill. Either way, it got me through some dark times. Perhaps you should book a follow-up interview with Briella, ask her if she found my panties in her boyfriend's room yet. [Waves at camera, winks, and mouths, ‘Hey, Pierce!’] Alex shakes his head amusedly and softly chuckles.

Alex: Damn! You really don't mess around. I'm guessing this doubles as punishment for Tycho as well?

Coraleye: Nope. Actually, his punishment is even better. I'm giving him exactly what he wants. After this documentary is over with, I'm erasing all of our shared memories together. He wanted to mess with my mind so badly, I'll do it for him. Alex: And how do you do that?

Coraleye: Through a spell, of course. You didn't forget that I'm a spellcaster, did you? I'll put the memories in an amulet and give it to our sage of untamed magic. They'll perform a ritual to destroy the memories. Alex: Wow. Remind me to never break your heart... Coraleye: [Smiles] Oh, I will. Alex: [Sighs] Well... Last question we're asking everyone else: Is there any question that you have, after all of this, that still haunts you?

Coraleye: [Tilts head, as she pauses to think] Hmm… I’ve still got to write that paper on my ten-year plan, and somehow I feel even more lost than before. I guess it’s time to start figuring that out now.

[thatsmzbitchtoyou]

Overheard -Oneshot

Word count: 1726

Y/N ate her overpriced shrimp carbonara slowly, looking around the restaurant as if she was marveling at the grand decorations, whilst subtly watching the two people at the table just twenty feet away.  It was a mission, tracking two spies who had been exchanging information to foreign entities.  They already had enough information on the woman, catching her in the act of stealing government information, now they just needed to figure out which government or country the man belonged to that she was selling the information to.  They looked very chummy for two people who supposedly had never met before, and it made Y/N suspicious.

“How’s your dinner, baby?” Bucky asked her across the table.

Y/N blinked and looked away from the two spies, meeting his gaze.  “It’s good,” she replied.  “Might even take some back up to the room for later.”

Bucky’s eyebrows raised.  “You think so?”

She smirked.  “With the way this shrimp is flirting with me, I’d say it's definite.”

He smirked back at her.  “Well, maybe we should pack it up and go relax for a bit.”

“Sounds good to me,” Y/N nodded.  Bucky raised his hand for the waiter, asking for a box for Y/N’s food and that they would be leaving, to put the dinner on their room tab.  The waiter quickly returned with a box and Bucky stood from his chair, walking over to Y/N and helping her stand from her chair.  She thanked him quietly as he grabbed her food box then placed his hand on the small of her back, guiding her out of the restaurant.  When they reached the door he took her hand in his, walking to the elevator.  They were on this mission as a couple on an anniversary trip, coming close to the two spies without having to interact with them too much but be in close proximity.

When they reached their floor they dropped off Y/N’s food, using the cover of their room to detonate previously placed electric charges on the cameras in the hallway.  Once that was done they slipped out of their room and went over to the woman’s room that was next to theirs.

“Are you sure they’ll come here and not his room?” Bucky asked as he set up small camera bugs around her room, checking the room for hidden weapons and other cameras.

“He never booked a room,” Y/N said, opening different doors to check for good hiding spots for them both.  “He doesn’t plan on staying.”

Bucky hummed and finished what he was doing.  He got a ping on his watch and suddenly rushed to her.  “They’re right outside,” he said in a hushed tone, nearly dragging her to the large armoire closet across from the bed.

Y/N huffed as he pushed her inside the closet and shut the door behind himself.  “That was fast,” she whispered.  “They weren’t finished with dessert yet.”

They heard the door bang open, and then two sets of hurried, panting breaths.  Y/N and Bucky were shoved in the corner of the armoire, his large frame engulfing her in the small space.  She looked up at him in shock as they heard the woman moan, both of their eyes widening when they heard the telltale sign of clothes being taken off and bodies climbing on the bed.

“They’re not–”

“They are,” Bucky whispered.

“Fuck yes, please Antoine!  Fuck me!”

“Oh yeah baby.  Gonna fuck you so hard!”

Y/N’s lips tightened as she tried not to laugh, shutting her eyes and leaning her head back against the closet wall.  Bucky bit his lower lap, looking both amused and horrified at the same time, which made Y/N huff a silent laugh.

“Aren’t they both married?” Bucky whispered.  Y/N nodded.  “To other people?”  She nodded again, her shoulders shaking with the effort to not laugh out loud.

The couple were going at it, and Y/N couldn’t tell if the sounds they were making were real or exaggerated.  It sounded like a badly made porno, and as much as it was enough to make her laugh, once the sound of skin slapping on skin started she felt a small fire start in the pit of her belly.  Am I seriously getting turned on by this?

She didn’t have much time to think about it as Bucky shifted in front of her, his hips inching away from her.  Y/N could barely see in the closet, but looked up at him in question.  His face was turned away from her, glaring daggers on the door with a deep frown, but she swore she could see…was he getting turned on, too?  Y/N tried to subtly glance down, then as she shifted to try and get comfortable, her arm brushed against something hard.  Bucky nearly choked, and Y/N silently gasped.  He was getting turned on.  He had a raging boner.  Right now.  In front of her.  While they were stuck in a closet together.

Bucky shut his eyes tight, his head hanging low as he let out a slow puff of air.  “Please don’t judge me,” he whispered.

Y/N almost didn’t hear him over the loud moans and slapping noise outside the door.  She frowned at what he said.  “I’m not,” she whispered.  He opened his eyes and looked at her.  “It’s…it’s kinda hard not to be with all that going on out there,” she breathed, trying to play it off.

Bucky eyed her, his signature deadly smirk appearing on his ridiculously handsome face.  Playing a couple with him wasn’t hard.  Y/N had always had a small crush on him, and could have sworn that every once in a while during a stolen moment she could see him looking at her with desire.  That look was now solely focused on her, his eyes hungry as he looked down her body then back up to her eyes.  “Are you turned on right now?” he asked teasingly.

Y/N felt like she was shrinking under his stare, a shiver running down her spine.  Butterflies erupted in the pit of her stomach as her heart did a flip.  “Maybe,” she whispered.

Bucky’s eyes narrowed, then he shifted again but this time forward, pushing his hips into her, letting her feel his hard cock against her stomach.  Y/N gasped and Bucky quickly put his flesh hand over her mouth.  The couple was getting progressively louder, saying ridiculous things to egg each other on.  Y/N wondered if the woman was okay by how much she was screaming, and how hard the man was pummeling into her.

Bucky leaned down until his face was in front of hers.  He nuzzled her nose as his eyes flicked across her face.  Her breaths huffed against his hand as she stared at him.  “You like overhearing people fucking?” he whispered against his hand.  Y/N shuddered at the tone in his voice, and felt herself involuntarily nodding against his hand.  “Dirty girl,” he smiled.

Y/N felt like her heart was about to implode.  The sounds of sex echoing in the room with Bucky being this close to her, teasing and testing her while in hiding was all making her feel dizzy with anticipation.  The fear of being caught in this compromising position, being completely at his mercy was overwhelming.  Her breath came out as a stutter as she tried to relax.  It would do her no good to freak out while they waited out the spy couple to finish then do the handover. 

Bucky’s metal hand moved down to grasp her right wrist, bringing it up and pressing her palm over his bulge.  Y/N whined softly in her throat and his flesh hand pressed harder against her mouth.  “Sshh baby, we can’t let them hear you being a dirty little girl in here,” Bucky breathed.  He pushed her hand up and down his length, letting her feel how hard and big he was.  “You feel that, Y/N?  Yeah, I’m turned on because of overheard sex, but I’m mostly turned on because I’m stuck in here with you,” he said, his lips starting to graze over her nose and across her cheeks.  

This was how she was going to die, by a heart attack caused by the hottest man alive teasing her to her wit’s end.  Her head thrashed against his hand and he slowly pulled his palm off her mouth.  “Bucky, I can’t,” Y/N whispered desperately.  “Please stop teasing–”

The sounds outside the closet reached a crescendo, the man and woman finally cumming with long, loud moans.  Y/N’s mouth dropped open and Bucky dipped his head and kissed her hard to shut her up, his flesh hand lightly squeezing her throat before she could whine or moan, cutting off the sound and literally stealing her breath away.  The kiss was quiet, their heaving breaths covered by the sound of gasps and guttural moans outside.

“Holy shit, Antoine, that was amazing,” the woman huffed.

“Told you I’d fuck you hard,” the man said with clear pride in his voice.  “I love it when I make it so the neighbors hear you screaming my name.”

The woman giggled.  “Me, too.”  She sighed heavily.  “Here’s the info.”

He sighed as well, the sound of shifting on the bed as he took it from her.  “Thanks, toots.”

Bucky huffed a laugh against Y/N’s mouth and she broke the kiss to put a hand over his mouth.  They both froze for a moment, waiting to hear for anything, but the couple didn’t seem to hear them.  

“Should we finish that dessert?” the man asked.  “Then we can come back up here and go for round 2?”

The woman hummed.  “And then I’ll be in charge.”

The man chuckled and Y/N could hear them getting up and getting dressed.  After a few minutes their footsteps went out the front door.  Once the door shut Bucky nipped at her hand, making her gasp and pull her hand away, then he kissed her hard again, caging her against the closet wall and pressing his whole body against hers.

“Got our evidence,” he breathed against her mouth.  “Mission’s over.  Now, can we go back to our room, and I’ll fuck you until you scream my name?”

[strawb3heart]

Leave it all behind Pt.1 | Oscar Piastri

warning: angst, breakup

summary: Having a relationship with Oscar was good, and then it all just stopped.

Oscar and you had been in a relationship since we were teenagers and we practically had known each other since kids. It was love, like if it was meant to be. But then, everything changed. It was as if he was too focused on winning or at least getting a podium, but in that process, he was losing you. All the forgotten dates and the lack of communication, you first felt as if you were to problem. That you weren't trying to stay in touch with him.

"Osc, you sure we're all good?"you asked for the third time as he looked away from the screen of his phone, almost as if he was avoiding to answer "Yeah, nothing has happened. I'm just a bit off today" Even during a video call he didn't seem interested in anything you said. And that's how the last call with him went. And it hurt, so so much that you started to think that it was all your fault.

But distance wasn't the problem, neither did you. Oscar was the one who didn't really cared as much as he used to do. He hadn't text or call you in a while, he even forgot your anniversary a few weeks ago.

What was going on? Was he not interested in you now? Where had all that love and promises went?

And that's when it happened, without a warning, he text you. But it wasn't particularly hard to notice that something was going on.

The pain of betrayal, the anger you felt were surreal. You even started thinking that you hated him, or at least how he ended things with you. How did he changed that much? Why did he hurt you like that? But at the end of the day, you didn't understand him, not even when you tried. It all would be a lie if you told anyone that you didn't cry. Because you, in fact, ended up sobbing uncontrollably as the tears stained your face.

Three days later, a call interrupted your not so good night sleep. It was Nicole, as in your now ex mother in law. Needless to say that you were more than surprise.

"Hello?" You attended, still a bit sleepy "Hi'ya love, I'm really sorry to bother you. But I haven't heard from Osc in a while, so" she laughed a little "I just wanted to check if everything was alright with him, you know" Frozed in your bed, that how you were the second that Nicole end up saying that.

"Uhm, I actually think you need to ask him that yourself, Nicole, because mhm uhm He broke of with me a while ago" Thenn, you clearly heard her gasp, which confirmed you that she nor his entire family was aware of that tinny bitty issue.

"Omg, love, I'm so sorry. As I said, I haven't heard from him. Oh, He's so stupid, sweetie, I will contact him myself in that case. " And that's how all the conversation ended, followed by an uncomfortable goodbye.

Meanwhile, in the McLaren hospitality, everything seemed to be a chaos. And although he was trying to act strong, Oscar Piastri wanted a well needed break of all that pressure. He was starting to get sick of analyzing data and having long meetings about new strategies.

But most of all, he missed you. He had realized hours later he texted you that he had completely fucked up. He was so stupid.

He had led stress control all of his thoughts, which ended up pretty badly. And he realized it even more when he started receiving angry texts from his mom and apparently all of her sisters.

He couldn't restrain himself from crying once he got to his hotel. But just as he was entering the elevator, he was stopped by an angry Thai, who seemed to have also heard the news.

"Mate, are you fucking stupid? How could you even do this? You have no shame" Oscar couldn't even answer as he started sobbing just as Alex finished his complaint.

"You really need to fix this" Alex said just a few moments later "Let her know your sorry, and that you know how stupid your decision was"

"I don't know if she will forgive" He confessed "I have disappointed her so many times that I don't think she'll give me another chance"

"You have to at least try it, if you really love her"

hi loves!! I was thinking of doing a taglist, soo, let me know if you want to be in it <3

Also, I just finished writing this, so idk when I will post pt.2 but I definitely will

remember, requests are always open 🌷

pdst. I would really appreciate having requests bc rn my creativity is not the best 😭

[stusbunker]

Spotless: Portato

Chapter Thirty Seven

Featuring: Dean Winchester/Reader

Other characters: Pamela, Charlie, Jesse, Benny, Kevin and Sam

Word Count: ~3250 with other media

Warnings, etc: Mutual pining, still unbeta'd, Tricia did read through the first scene, but all mistakes are still on me, Dean goes to confession, our reader's self esteem overrides all logic and prodding.

Series Masterlist

There have always been certain women in your life that you just didn’t click with. Some you wanted to, badly. Others you admired from afar, too shy or self conscious to really try to form any kind of bond, be it professional, educational or friendly. There were some you wanted nothing to do with. 

And then there was Pamela.

She was someone you had always admired, still slightly feared, but had resigned yourself to maintaining a simple and mildly judgemental, professional relationship. So when she woke you up, hungover and definitely disheveled as you were, on the bus to Phoenix, you were wary.

“Hey, sorry, but uh— could you come with me? Please?” She looked a little spooked and not exactly as apologetic as she sounded, but you nodded and tried to rub the sleep out of your eyes.

“What’s going on?” You said quietly, aware of all the other people around you as you shuffled after her to the actual bunk room in the back of the bus. Except no one back there was even asleep.

“Tell her what you told me. Or everything. Whatever comes last.” Pamela seemed pissed as she snapped at Dean and a sudden dread flooded your senses.

He sat on a bottom bunk, fingers rubbing over his lips in consideration as he glared at Pamela’s demands.

You knew something was up with the buddy system after the last show, but neither you nor Charlie had found anything substantial online. Which left in person or direct phone call threats. You’d been with the band long enough to have seen some shit, from overzealous fans to crazy ex’s and even a few stalkers. Benny’s team didn’t mess around when something had weight behind it. Outside of Vegas, you thought it was over.

By the look in Dean’s eyes, it was worse than you had guessed.

“Who died?” Was possibly the worst thing you could have said to Dean, by the journey his face went through.

He just gaped at you before Pamela dove back in.

“Wait— did someone actually die?”

“Will you let me speak for my damn self?! Christ, Pammy. Sorry, Trouble, this is not how I wanted you to find any of this out. Sit down.”

“Oh boy.”

There wasn’t any furniture back there and it felt oddly intimate to sit next to Dean on a borrowed bed like that. Every other bed was too far away. Instead, you slinked down to the floor and popped your knees up in front of you, like a child during circle time, but with something to hold onto.

“What’s going on? Is this about that guy outside of Wednesday’s show?”

“Kind of.”

Pamela exhaled and uncrossed her arms. “I’m gonna go– I don’t think I’m needed and it’s just gonna rile me up if I hear it all over again. But I’ll be up front if either of you need me, got it?”

“Good call— and, uh, thanks.” Dean looked up at her. Pamela nodded and left you and Dean alone.

The air grew thick and you had to get something off your chest before Dean got into whatever had Pamela so on edge. “Are you okay?”

Dean sighed and picked at the seam of his jeans. “I thought I was, you know? I’ve been putting in the work, but being back there, and then seeing Alastair— Having Cain at the fucking show. Really messed with my head.”

“Who are they?”

“Well, you’ve heard about Cain, Cain Charles. I used to box at his gyms all the time.”

You nodded into the pretzel of your arms.

“Well, I wasn’t really boxing— not most of the time. I was fighting in underground MMA type bouts. And Alastair, the slimy looking dude outside the first show? He was my trainer.”

Dean let that sit, but it didn’t take long for the pieces to start to fall together.

“The bruises— I remember how you were always hurt or stiff all the time.”

“Yeah, don’t miss that one bit either.” Dean rested his elbows on his knees and looked down at you, hunched as if he’s expected to get yelled at.

“So, what do they want? Why’s Benny got the guys on high alert?”

“Me.”

It was almost comical the way your mind looped around that simple word. Lots of people wanted Dean. And you couldn’t blame them, but those connotations didn’t quite fit the conversation so far.

“For what?”

“Back in the ring, at their beck and call, probably licking their boots while I’m at it.”

You straightened up, urgency starting to get the better of you. “Dean, I need more information here. Were you, like, an indentured servant? Do you owe them money? Why are they after you for real?”

“No, I, uh— I was there willingly. Started off with a fight at a club and when one of the goons came over to break it up, the guy didn’t kick me out. Instead he gave me a card, told me I had ‘promise’.”

“So you just decided one day to be a cage fighter? Being a rockstar wasn’t enough or something?” You balked, trying to figure out what drove Dean to that place. 

“Look, I’m not perfect, okay? And neither are you, so please, let me explain myself a little?”

You folded back in on yourself. “Yeah, of course, sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that— just give me the benefit of the doubt here, at least in the beginning.”

You twisted your fingers in front of your lips and tossed an imaginary key behind your back. Dean huffed out a laugh and cleared his throat.

“So, uh, do you remember before the fourth album we were kind of burnt out and Pamela and Lee were going through the last divorce and Bobby was kind of still AWOL because he’d just gotten married himself and Sam was fine by then and Adam was getting all those scholarships and shit?”

“You’re talking, like, almost back to the summer before the shit with Cas, right?”

  “There abouts, yeah.”

“Okay, vaguely. I remember being busy, Zacarriah had just been promoted and he was doing a lot of poking around. So I wasn’t doing much with you guys in person— since it was between tours.”

“Yeah, makes sense. Charlie and I played a lot of Call of Duty that break.”

“Okay?”

“I just— I was low. And then, finally, we got back into the studio and I could do something, be useful. I was able to sort of bury the darkness.”

“But it didn’t go away?”

Dean shook his head.

“Fast forward and I get this mafia-looking dude telling me I was worth more than just what my dad wanted me to be.”

“Dean—”

“It’s okay. I’ve been over that with Missouri too, just sayin’ why it was such a compliment.”

 Dean rubbed his palms against each other and kind of looked behind you as he kept talking. “So I checked it out, the fights were underground but not, like, dirty. I mean, they fought dirty as hell, but I didn’t feel like I was getting an STD just by walking in.”

“Okay, so you’re no Tyler Durden. What made you stay?”

Dean rolled his eyes.

“The rush of a fight. And you know— I’m hard up for praise— it’s why I love the spotlight and the fans. But it wasn’t like it is with the band. I didn’t even have to work as hard at it as I do with the music— it was only me up there. I didn’t have to answer to anybody else. It was just my hands and the other guys’ that I had to worry about. No harmonies, no compromises. It was easy. And I thought it made me free.”

Dean didn’t meet your eyes, he looked at the wall behind you or the floor. You had never seen him so ashamed, or so outright confessional.

 You inched forward, the need to comfort him tingled along your arms and into your useless hands. “What made you stop? Besides the last tour, obviously, you couldn’t be in two places at once.”

“Uh, so, Cas must have been following me because there was one night where it got really bad. I got really bad— just pummeled a guy to the mat. They— there’s not really refs, more like bouncers to hold back the crowds. But it took three of them to haul my ass to the showers. Cain has doctors on retainer, nobody was gonna call an ambulance and rat the place out. But, he wasn’t moving the last time I got a look at him.”

Dean looked up and into your eyes.

“I still don’t know if that guy is okay or anything. That was my last fight before we hit the road. And Cas called me out, eventually. Let me stew with the unknown and the guilt for a good month first. I didn’t know he needed me. He had his own shit with the kid and stuff then. I just thought— I don’t know. Anyway, you probably got a good handle on what happened after that.”

“So, they’re blackmailing you? Cain and Allistair?”

“Alastair.”

“Him.”

“No, but they’re watching you. They know— they know everyone I care about. Cain thinks I’m letting you guys save me from my true nature. He’s big on instinct and fight or flight crap. But he’s very logical about it all. Alastair—,” Dean blew out the breath he had been holding and dropped onto the floor in front of you, back against the drawers beneath the beds. “He’s a fucking sadist. He wants people to hurt, it’s not just about power—- it’s torture.”

You swallowed. “Don’t you think we need to go to the authorities? They sound dangerous. Really dangerous.”

Dean shook his head. “That’s not an option. Cain is too good, his business is airtight. Nobody talks or walks away. That’s why he’s so insistent. He thinks he can bring me back.”

You didn’t want to know, but you needed to know, so you asked, “do you— would you?”

“No. Not anymore. I’ve come too far. There’s days when I think about it. When it would be easier to just be the beast again. But I’ve got too much to lose. I have the band family, Charlie, Gibson, you—- So no, Trouble, I ain’t going back.”

You smiled at him, softly, not really letting him see how that sent your face burning with all the worry still hanging in the air.

“How can I help? Do I need to enlist Charlie and get our devices better hidden? Change reservations to keep people off our trail? The tour is set, we can’t cancel any dates—- but we can be more careful.”

“Uh, wow, I guess check in with Bobby and Benny? They’re already on top of things, but more eyes on it couldn’t hurt. I— is there anything you want to know? I feel like you’re taking this really well. Like instant problem solving mode. Not even flinching over what— the things I did.”

Dean leveled you with an unimpressed glare and cleared his throat. “Hit me. I can take it.”

It was your turn to roll your eyes as you resituated your legs and propped yourself up on your right hand. “It’s a lot, you know? We knew you were struggling. And we all had been on the receiving end of your temper enough to know not to poke the bear.---- But, I guess, it’s nice knowing, for sure. Like there was something there—- Someones there holding you back, keeping you from us. I’m sorry you had to go through that all alone.”

Dean bumped your knee with his. “Don’t need your pity. But, maybe, your forgiveness. Because I was fucking rotten to you—- more than once.”

“You sure were.” You looked him dead on.

“You’re a part of this band. Whether we say it or not. Even Kevin knows you’re in charge.”

“Pam’s in charge, she just lets everyone run things,” you quipped, an old Bobby line.

Dean chuckled. “Fine. But I am sorry for the things I called you. And how much I leaned on you after Sam and Bobby pulled my head out of my ass.”

“Don’t be.” Dean gave you a face. “Okay, the first part, yes. Be. But the after– that was— it meant a lot. It gave me something to look forward to. Made me feel like I was doing actual friend things instead of work things. Kind of miss the calls— the check-ins. It was a good part of my routine.”

“Yeah, me too.” He sounded so soft, like a favorite blanket waiting for you on the back of the couch. He was right there spilling his guts out and all you wanted to do was crawl into his lap and tell him it was going to be alright. 

You stayed put.

“Thank you— you’ve been— Christ, I couldn’t have done this without you, you know? You pulled me through— in so many ways.”

“Of course. You’d do the same for any one of us. Hell, you did it for Sam more times than I can count.”

“Yeah, but he’s my kid brother. It’s not the same.”

You hummed. “Yeah, but still. Anytime.”

“Hopefully not too soon.”

You huffed a laugh. “Agreed.”

You stretched and sat up on your knees, groaning at being on the floor for so long. “Okay— well, we’ve got like an hour before we get to the hotel. Do you need anything from me before we get to our rooms?”

Dean shook his head and stood up, quickly leaning down to help you the rest of the way. “I should be good, but yeah, check with Benny for the details. And, please, just watch out for Donna and the girls? They’ll be guarded, but I don’t want them thinking we’re neglecting them while we circle the wagons for our own.”

“On it.”

Dean put his hand on the ball of your shoulder and squeezed. You cupped his forearm and caught his weighted stare. It was like he was looking for something behind your eyes, or something there confused him, but either way he didn’t mention it. Instead, he just squeezed your arm again, gave you a guilty smile, and headed back to the front of the bus.

Charlie was invested in Operation Anti-Fight Club, her words not yours. Once you explained, very briefly, what had been going on, she immediately fell into a rabbit hole online. You even had to drag her out of her hotel room to get her to the venue in time for rehearsal the next morning in preparation for the Phoenix show. 

Somehow, she got sound and lights set up with a new venue in what felt like a flash, but was really two hours of back and forth with the band setting up cues and verifying the setlist. 

So when she started texting you during SPS’ set that night, about your conversation with Dean, you were a little worried she was distracted again.

You didn’t reply. From the moment you told her about Dean’s little heart-to-heart she had been asking leading questions and giving you knowing looks. Too worried she was either teasing you or getting your hopes up over nothing, you tried not to overthink it. Sure, Dean had broken things off with Bela with someone in mind. And it maybe, kinda, sorta seemed like he was waiting for you to do something before he left the bunkroom yesterday. But you could have been reading it all wrong. 

It was an emotional conversation.

It didn’t mean he wanted to kiss you.

Right?

Right.

Except now all you could think about was New Year’s. And how you wished you were sober enough to really remember what Dean’s lips felt like against yours.

You had never let yourself want him, not truly. You couldn’t help loving him, you were only human. But admitting to yourself that you wanted him and wanted him to want you back was a death sentence. There was no hope after that. There was not a chance Dean Winchester could be with you, or even someone like you. 

So why were you letting yourself think about it now?

You weren’t, you decided, and made small talk with Jesse instead. 

“You excited to get some days off at home next week?”

“You know it. I miss ridin’, miss sleepin’ somewhere far enough out, the city lights don’t keep me up.”

You smiled and nodded, you grew up somewhere close enough to the country to know what he meant. “Well, one of these days you’ll have to let us swing by. I’d love to see your land.”

The hulking man looked so fond as he reasoned out an uncertain invitation, “well, Matty keeps the place running while we’re on the road, so I’ll have to ask him how’s it all looking for the whole band to swing by for an afternoon. If not this trip, definitely after the tour.”

“Fine! But I won’t forget you said that.”

He chuckled. “Of course you wouldn’t.”

You turned back to the stage as Jodi wailed on their cover of ‘Crazy on You’. Donna was front and center giving it her all. You were once again mesmerized by their talent. Some people were just unreal, having both beauty and brains, strength and kindness. That old, familiar hollowness inched up your throat and twinged the corners of your eyes. You were surrounded by amazing people and all you could do was hover in their shadows. You were a supporting character, you could never exist at that level.

You were a fool to think you ever could.

SPS was phenomenal and they finished their set to whistles and cheers from both the fans and those of you in the wings. They beamed as they marched off stage, heading back to the dressing rooms for a breather before the main event. You cheered them on, knowing you were doing a bad job of masking the way your thoughts had plummeted. Luckily for you, Jesse was a professional and he said nothing as he ducked away to help with PT’s set up.

You rolled your eyes and punched out an annoyed ‘fine’ in the chat. You didn’t want to think about Dean singing about somebody at that moment. What you wanted was a stiff drink and maybe a foot massage. You thought about pulling up your hotel’s amenities, but were caught off guard by Sam and Kevin bellowing your name like a pair of foghorns.

“TROUBBBBBLLLLLLEEEEEE.”

“TRRRRRRRRRRROUBLLE!”

You turned while still looking down at your phone. “Uh, what’s up?” 

But as you glanced up, you got silly string-ed straight to the face. 

“MOTHER FUCKERS!” That had you spitting out air because the foamy substance had grazed your lips. Yuck! With one eye open you charged the overgrown idiots, forcing them to run behind the closest obstacles, gear cases and Benny, respectively.

Benny muttered over his shoulder to a crouching Kevin, “it’s your funeral, cher.”

“Thanks, Benny,” you huffed out as you dodged around the head of security and almost had a hand on Kevin’s collar. “You little shit!”

Kevin cackled as he ran away, too worried about busting your shit in your concert heels, you watched him go. Sam was smart enough to leave quietly amongst the fray, but you promised yourself some revenge down the line. You even knew who you could enlist for help, the last person they would ever expect…

Tagging:

@deans-spinster-witch

@mrswhozeewhatsis

@cosicas-cuquis

@fics-pics-andotherthings-i-like

@suckitands33

@ladysparkles78

@deans-baby-momma

@stoneyggirl2

@sassy-pelican

@leigh70

@globetrotter28

@winharry

@lastactiontricia

@rockhoochie

@brightlilith

@coldhearted93

@djs8891

@beautiful-places-blog

@n-o-p-e-never

@spxideyver

[enigma-the-mysterious]

AITA for trying to accomplish my father's dreams and hurting my best friend in the process?

Alright, here we go. So, I (30M) have been working on a pretty intense task for the last few years. I made a promise to someone very dear to me—my father, to be exact—that I would do whatever it takes to accomplish it. To do this, I had to take some drastic steps. We’re talking undercover stuff, working within a system that’s more rotten than an overripe jackfruit, all to get closer to taking down the enemy from the inside.

To accomplish this mission, I needed a special promotion. I have been putting myself through hell and back, but those racist assholes at higher up kept passing over me to promote Mediocre White Dude #57. Then a few months ago, I finally, FINALLY made some solid progress when my boss's wife guaranteed me the promotion if I could track down and arrest some anonymous dude who was proving to be a security issue for my boss. Pretty straightforward, right?

Now here’s the issue. At about the same time a few months ago, I met this guy; let’s call him A (26M) for now. My work-life balance had honestly been, well, shitty to say the least, thanks to my father's mission, and I barely had the time to socialize and make any meaningful connections in the city I moved in. Meeting with A had been a chance encounter too. Long story short, we clicked instantly and became fast friends. He is a great guy all around— smart, funny, passionate, good natured, kind, helpful— just about everything you can possibly wish for in a friend (although he could be a little naive sometimes).

But here’s the kicker: a few days earlier, I found out that A has been lying to me about... basically EVERYTHING! ALL this time. He is not from the city; the people he claimed to be his family are not even related to him. Even his name isn't A, it's B! But what's worse is that he is exactly the guy I was supposed to arrest. And he was on a mission too. Except his mission was not targeting my boss, it was to rescue someone— his sister M (9F) to be exact— my boss and his wife had kidnapped and enslaved (long story). Yup, that’s right, we were on opposite sides without even realizing it.

Things escalated quickly. I... well… I had to make a choice. I chose to betray him to keep up my own cover and stick with my father's mission. And yeah, it was brutal— there was a literal fight to the death involved. I tried to convince him at first to surrender without fighting, but of course B didn't listen and refused to back down. I can’t even begin to explain how much it hurt to turn on someone I came to respect, even love…. uhh…. like a brother, of course.

And then, to rub salt to the wound, once I arrested him, my boss (FUCK HIM FUCK HIM FUCK HIM FUCK DIE BITCH) ordered me to flog B publicly till he fell to his knees and begged for mercy. Yeah, those were his exact words, that bastard! I felt like I had no choice, so I did what I was told. And it was one of the worst days of my life. I kept asking B to kneel so I could end the torture, but he is one stubborn and tough motherfucker and decided he would rather suffer through a public torture session than kneel. My dickface boss and his bitch wife weren't satisfied with how little blood I was drawing out of B, so they kept escalating the torture until B couldn't take it anymore and fell unconscious.

I ended up hurting him so badly, both physically and emotionally. It is fucking me up, honestly. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't even get out of my bed right now. I honestly feel like dying.

So, AITA for betraying and hurting my best friend to accomplish my father's mission? I did what I thought was necessary to save countless lives, but I can’t shake the feeling that maybe I went too far.

Edit: No, B did not know that I worked for the people who kidnapped his sister. He did not befriend me to take advantage of my position, as some of you have been implying. He did not, I repeat, he did NOT betray me. If anyone has betrayed and wronged him, it's me!

Edit 2: No, I didn't tell B my real intentions and my father's mission. Didn't you read the post? I am working UNDERCOVER!

[skyrim-forever]

WIP Wednesday

It's another Wednesday people, let's see those wips. Tagged by the always incredible @changelingsandothernonsense (seeing Josh always improves my day <3) and I got tagged @bostoniangirl21 for a WIP whenever <3

Tagging: @dirty-bosmer @theoneandonlysemla @lucien-lachance @thequeenofthewinter @captain-of-silvenar @firefly-factory

@pocket-vvardvark @hircines-hunter @bougainvillea-and-saltwater @umbracirrus

Do I have two chapters I should be working on? Yes. Am I working on a silly little Post-Alduin/Pre-Happy Ending self-induglant fic instead? Absolutely :P Under the cut because suggestive, enjoy! 🧜‍♀️🧜‍♀️🧜‍♀️

“You went swimming often at home, did you?” 

“I did, whenever I was stressed; hence I’ve been in the water every day since returning.” She looks up at him with a soft smile, a memory coming into view. “When I was young I used to tell my father I wanted to grow up and be a mermaid.” He laughs. 

“A mermaid? Well, that’s quite the ambition.” 

“Oh I had a plan and everything, asked Father to find a wizard who could do it. I didn’t know how magic worked at the time so I thought wizards could do anything. And Father had a guy for everything, ergo he had a guy who could turn me into a mermaid.”

“Ah yes, there must be some type of alteration spell that could do that.” He leans down to kiss her, she notes that this is the first kiss he’s initiated this evening. Though appreciated of how gentle he’s being, so very grateful for him; how badly she wants more than just a kiss. “That’s very amusing of you.” He chuckles. “You’re certainly beautiful enough, I’m sure if I saw you out at sea I’d be easily fooled.”

“You would, would you?” An opportunity seems to be arising. “Do you think I could convince you to jump overboard? Plunge yourself into the sea to be with me?” She pulls him down, their lips meeting again. Carefully, she nibbles on the corner which only succeeds in making him break the kiss. 

His pupils are wide, glossy-eyed but he still shows concern. 

“Theodora, are you sure you want this? I am far from against it but I do not want you forcing yourself on my behalf. Last thing I want is to rush, forget myself and hurt you.” 

“I love your concern, Ondolemar; it’s what is making me want to. Knowing you’ll be so tender and slow.” Eyes are lidded for the next sentence. "I have beaten back the World-Eater, no mere mortal can hurt in a way that matters. Certainly not the likes of him." She grabs the front of his tunic. "And besides, I'd have to force myself not to want you, and as we know that is futile effort." The change in expression indicates he gives credence to her answer. 

“Is that so?” Another kiss, deeper and it makes her head spin. Yes. Despite the urge to sit back further, nearly laying down and pulling him on top of her, she doesn’t. He has a question to answer. 

“I believe I asked you a question.” 

“Hmm.” He steals another quick peck. “You did, you wanted to know if I’d throw myself overboard, so captivated by you by you I lose all sense of reason. 

“Yes.” She hums. 

“Well, you’ve bewitched me across the province, tempted me into closets while both of us are surrounded by our superior officers; it would seem I abandoned reason long ago. I think a better question is what I wouldn’t do for you?” He looks off into the distance. “To that which I do not know.” He turns back to her, barely hearing what he says as she’s so distracted by how the fire makes him glow. “So yes, you could probably get me to drown myself if you looked at me the right way.”

Between the warmth of the fire and his equally burning gaze, Theodora feels unbearably hot. Her eyes slowly move from him to the water. The light from Masser and Secunda makes the lake look so inviting, the summer breeze still warm despite the night. If he’d throw himself overboard then perhaps… Taking his hand she goes for it. 

“What are you doing?” Her boots are kicked off and then thrown back towards the fire. 

“I’m testing your claim.” 

“Do not tell me you expect me to get in the water with you, it’s likely teeming with slaughterfish.” She rolls her eyes, giggling.

“I’ll have you know they stay much further east in summer.”  

“Ah, so they are found here.” Hmmm, what was that he said? If I looked at him the right way? 

“If you’re too afraid of being an exotic snack to the creatures of Lake Illinata, you can stay here, love.” Tuning away from him, the stale tunic and brown trousers find their way to the ground. Though she normally forgoed smallclothes when home alone, particularly now as she couldn’t even be bothered with the rest of the world; the choice was proving even more fruitful when she turned back around. “But I’m going to cool off.” Fingers fleetingly touch his clothed chest before she enters her beloved lake. 

Facing him, she watches his eyes linger as the water envelopes her. It’s brisk and invigorating, but could be so much more so if she was not alone. 

“It’s lovely in here, Ondolemar.” Laying on her back, Theodora continues taunting him. “Why don’t you come join me?” Slipping beneath she submerges herself, finding so much peace in the quiet below. Popping back up, hair flipping overhead, she looks at him the right way. That much is evident as he removes his own clothes, casting them aside to wade through the water. As he approaches, the wanting expression creates quite the contrast with his words. 

“So this will be how I die.”

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Denial, Like the River

A Steddie fanfiction

A/N: Minors DNI. Warning, a little smutty. Tw, homophobia

Steve entered the RV, wincing at his wounds. He closed the door and locked it. He slipped off his jacket and then his shirt before grabbing the first aid kit. Just as he opened the box, he heard a loud whimpering. Steve paused and looked around for the sound. Was there an animal in here? He quickly found the source. Eddie was curled up behind the driver's seat, crying.

"Eddie?" Steve asked in concern.

Eddie stood up quickly and wiped his face. He grabbed the first aid kit from Steve.

"Here, let me help you with that," Eddie said, sniffling.

"Are you - no, what a stupid fucking question. Of course, you're not okay," Steve said, and Eddie snorted. "How are you holding up?"

There was a long pause as Eddie focused on unwrapping his bandages and cleaning his wounds. He was surprisingly gentle as he rubbed ointment on his bites. Eddie turned him around to work on the wounds on his arms and back as well. Even though it stung, Eddie's hands also felt good.

"Honestly, trying not to go crazy and trying to stay sane for the kids, too," he finally replied.

"Oh, man, you don't have to do that. I think they don't want to admit how scared they are, hell, I'm scared, too," Steve said.

"You are?" Eddie asked as he finished putting the new bandages on Steve.

Steve turned around to face Eddie again and leaned against the table.

"Of course, just because we've all been through this before doesn't mean that this isn't still terrifying as shit for all of us. I think we've just gotten used to focusing on what's important, and that's saving this town. . .saving you," Steve said. "Man, Dustin's terrified of losing you. He loves you, and I can kind of see why. You're not alone, Eddie."

Steve hated the way his bottom lip quivered and the way his big brown eyes filled with tears. They were very doe-y eyed. The tears spilled over, and Eddie let out a sob. It broke Steve’s heart.

"Everything I touch - Chrissy - I, I'm fucking cursed," Eddie cried.

"No, man, you're not cursed, this fucking town is," Steve said softly.

He stood up and pulled Eddie into his arms. He squeezed him tightly despite the fact that his wounds were killing him. Eddie's body shook as he cried into Steve’s shoulder. Steve cradled the back of his head and began running his hand through his hair. Well, he tried to. Eddie's hair was badly tangled. Eddie winced and hissed as Steve’s fingers snagged at a knot. They both laughed, and that brief moment of comedic relief allowed Eddie to catch his breath. The sniffles subsided, and Eddie went quiet as he continued to keep his head tucked in the crook of Steve’s neck. Eddie let out a sigh as he pulled back. Steve freed a hand and wiped away Eddie's tears, causing a smile to appear on his face. Eddie moved, and suddenly, they were kissing. Everything went blank and fuzzy. There were no thoughts in Steve’s head as he immediately responded to the kiss. It took him a few seconds, but Steve finally realized what was happening. He pulled away.

"What are we doing?" Steve asked.

"You never made out with a friend before?" Eddie asked.

"No," Steve said. "Have you?"

"All the time with Jeff. We're nerds who can't get girls. . .I mean, except that one girl who slept with me as a dare. We like to call it lip hugging," Eddie said and paused, looking sad. "I thought maybe, Chrissy. . ."

"I'm sure she would have, man, without it being a dare. You're hot. . .for a guy," Steve said, and Eddie laughed. "And you're a good man."

"Thanks. . .and thanks for the lip hug, man," Eddie winked. "You're really good at it."

"Thanks for patching me up," Steve said with a smile, and Eddie moved to leave. "Eddie?"

Eddie turned around to face him, looking happier than he did before.

"Yeah?"

"Are we - I mean, are we friends?" Steve asked.

Eddie moved closer to him and brushed a knuckle to Steve’s chin.

"Definitely, big boy," Eddie said and placed a quick kiss to Steve’s lips before bouncing out of the RV.

"EDDDIEEE!"

A chill shot through Steve as he came back from the Creel House with Nancy and Robin when he heard Dustin's scream. Their victory of defeating Vecna and watching his body burning to a crisp was short-lived. Steve shared a look with Nancy and Robin. He didn't hesitate. He took off, running in the direction of Dustin's screams. Dustin was leaning over Eddie's body when they found him. Eddie was covered in blood, surrounded by bat bites, and lying so still. . .Steve felt a cold feeling shoot through his chest. He collapsed next to Eddie.

"Steve, he's not breathing," Dustin sobbed.

Steve felt his stomach wrench, and he wanted to throw up at the look in Dustin's eyes. Steve pressed his ear to Eddie's chest and cursed. He told him not to be a hero, and what did he do? Steve immediately started to perform CPR. Eddie gasped against his mouth and Steve tried not to think about the last time he felt Eddie's lips against his. He pulled back.

"Eddie's breathing! Get to the gate! Now!" Steve yelled as he pulled Eddie into his arms. "Before it closes!"

Nancy and Robin immediately helped Dustin to the gate while Steve did the same with Eddie. He wasn't sure how he was managing to carry Eddie to the gate, but he could guess that it was adrenaline. They helped Steve get Eddie through the gate, and they didn't wait to watch it close before rushing to the hospital. Everything after that happened so fast. Them wheeling Eddie away, not being able to see him, Hopper coming back, and Dr. Owens storming in with a cover story. While most people seemed to buy it, there were still others who weren't quite believing it. So, while Eddie needed to finish his healing, Steve was quick to offer up his house to hide Eddie. He offered it up to Wayne, too, but he said he was staying with a friend, and judging by the way he said it, Steve figured that this friend was a special one. He did give Wayne a key and told him he could stop by whenever he could, which he did. Steve loved it. It felt a lot more cheerful with them both hanging around.

"What's on the tube?" Eddie asked as he plopped on the couch.

It's been several few weeks of healing for both of them. Although Steve had gotten finished faster than Eddie. Their scars were still quite hard to look at it and it was definitely hard to wear shirts, so they went shirtless whenever they could. Steve and Eddie were currently shirtless now, sprawled out on the couch.

"Absolutely nothing," Steve sighed.

"Bummer," Eddie said, crossing his arms, and then glanced over at Steve. "So, you never said how you feel about things ending between you and Wheeler again."

"Actually, it went better than before. We were both a lot more honest with each other, and we're both happy that we tried again. We no longer feel ashamed about what happened that night, and we both know now that we'll always love each other. We, uh, both want different things. So, actually, I feel really good about it," Steve said.

"Well, that's great, man, really," Eddie grinned. "I, uh, never thanked you."

"For what?" Steve asked.

"For carrying me out of hell," Eddie said. "For saving my life."

"I was happy to do it, Eddie, I'm glad you're here," he said softly.

Eddie leaned over and pressed his lips to Steve’s. He cupped the back of Eddie's head and responded eagerly. They haven't done this since the RV, and honestly, Steve had been looking forward to it. He missed the feeling of Eddie's lips. He groaned when Eddie pulled back.

"I just want to thank you, Stevie," Eddie said. "What better way than to give you another lip hug?"

"I'm going to need another hug," Steve whispered.

"Gladly," Eddie said.

"There's nothing on TV anyway," he said.

"Noted."

Eddie climbed into his lap, placing his legs on either side of his hips. He kissed Steve, matching his eagerness from earlier. Steve gasped into his mouth, letting Eddie slip his tongue inside. He placed his hands on Eddie's hips, encouraging him to move them. Eddie rocked his hips and grinded against his clothed hardening cock. A feeling of euphoria rose up inside of Steve. He never felt like this with another man. . .well, he never had another man ride him like Eddie was currently doing. Although there were times with Tommy when they would wrestle, that Steve’s stomach and chest would grow warm. He always chalked it up to getting hot. No, Steve was even warmer than those times he rolled around with Tommy. He moved his hands up Eddie's back and then to his stomach to move them up, gently caressing his scars.

He cupped Eddie's nippleless pec, running his thumb over the scar. It was just as good as cupping a breast. The way Eddie shuddered underneath him told Steve he liked it, but he stopped moving his hips, and his kissing grew softer. Steve broke the kiss, pulled him closer, and shifted him until Steve was to face where Eddie's nipple used to be. He kissed the spot gently at first. Eddie sighed and moaned, curling his fingers into Steve’s hair. He grew more passionate with his kisses, opening his mouth over it. Steve took the bit of skin in his mouth and sucked on it like he would a nipple. Eddie let out a curse. Steve knew he wasn't completely healed yet and that there was some pain, so he pulled back, but Eddie tugged on his hair, keeping him there. Steve bit down.

"JESUS H CHRIST!"

Steve smirked as he pulled away, looking at Eddie.

"You can just call me Steve," he replied.

Eddie flashed his dimples at Steve before sliding off his lap and down to the floor onto his knees. He slipped his fingers into the waistband of Steve’s sweats and boxers. Steve watched with interest as Eddie started sliding them down, and he lifted his hips to help Eddie out. He peeled them all the way off, leaving Steve naked before him except for his socks. Eddie spread Steve’s legs apart and looked down, his eyes dark.

"Big boy, indeed. . .it's not gay if I say it's not gay especially if I'm only thanking you for saving my life, right?" Eddie asked.

"Sounds logical to me," Steve said.

"Hmm, looks like it could use a hug."

Eddie dove between his legs, taking Steve into his mouth.

"Fuck!"

Over the next few weeks, it all escalated from blowjobs to hand jobs, grinding naked against each other until it turned into full blow sex. Steve loved every minute of it. He loved the way Eddie manhandled him, and at the same time, he could be so gentle with him. He loved the way that they both switched as well as fought to be underneath or on top, biting each other and marking each other up along the way. They fucked in the showers, in the kitchen, and on the couch. They had luckily managed to avoid getting caught by Wayne. There were suddenly many situations where there was nothing on TV even when there were tons of stuff on. They didn't talk about it, what they were, or what they were doing. Steve should have known, though, that it was all over when Eddie started going out with Jeff and Doug.

"Oops, Sorry!" Steve heard a giggle come from the hallway and the sound of something breaking.

"Don't worry about it, my roommate's cool with it," Eddie said.

Steve was relaxing on the couch after working all day and giving rides to Dustin. He had hoped to finally cuddle on the couch with Eddie after not seeing him for the past couple of weeks. Eddie had gotten busy working on playing with Corroded Coffin again, and while he has been practicing here, he's mostly been practicing with the guys. Now, it was the first time he was seeing him, and Eddie had brought a girl home. What the fuck? Steve watched as Eddie moved past the entryway, kissing the girl and moving her back against the doorway. She had long strawberry blonde hair, and that was all he could see. Suddenly, Eddie broke the kiss and spotted Steve.

"You don't mind, do you?" Eddie asked.

Steve swallowed his hurt and smiled at him, as well as the bubbly girl in Eddie's arms.

"No, I don't."

"Except that you totally do mind," Robin said.

Steve was stacking videos a week later, and according to Robin, he was stacking them rather angrily.

"No, Robin, I really don't. It's basically his house, too," Steve said. "For whatever reason, they're taking a really long time to find Wayne and Eddie a place."

"Maybe Wayne moved in with his special friend and assumed that Eddie was happy living with you," Robin said.

"I mean, I would be happy if that was the case," Steve said. "I like having Eddie there."

"You don't seem to like having his girlfriend there," Robin pointed out.

"Rebecca is a really nice girl," Steve said. "I don't have a problem with her."

"Maybe you're just jealous," Robin said.

Steve’s eyes snapped to hers. Did she somehow know? He hadn't really been able to explain to Robin about what's been going on because he couldn't exactly tell her when he didn't know himself. . .especially about Eddie. No, she couldn't, right?

"What?" Steve asked.

"Eddie suddenly became your best friend while I've been busy getting closer to Vickie, and now you no longer have that. Plus, you're lonely, and you totally wish that you could have what we have," Robin said.

"Right, yeah," Steve scoffed.

"What did you think I meant?" Robin asked.

"Nothing, Robin," Steve said.

"Oh my God!" Robin exclaimed with wide eyes, and Steve cursed. "You have a crush on Rebecca!"

"Yeah, Robin. You got it. That's it," Steve scoffed again.

"Then what is it? I mean, judging by the way you're acting and your absolutely annoyance of Rebecca, I'd say you're jealous that she's with Eddie and you're not," Robin said and then snorted. "God, I make myself laugh sometimes. You're like the straightest man alive."

"Oh, yeah, Robin. You got me! I'm totally in love with Eddie! I want to kiss him and hold him. I totally want to marry him and have his babies," Steve rolled his eyes. "I wish I was Rebecca."

With a jolt, Steve realized that what he had said hadn't been sarcastic at all. He wanted all those things with Eddie. He thought about how he was with the kids, how he rants, how passionate he was, and despite how scary he pretended to be, he was the softest man alive, especially when he was with Steve. He missed being held by Eddie. He missed talking intimately with him, and he hated that Rebecca probably got to do all that with him. Except that Rebecca and Eddie hadn't known each other that long, so how intimate were they being? Does she know about his asshole of a father and Eddie's fear of turning into him? Does she share the same fear with him that Steve does about his own father? He wonders if she holds Eddie after a nightmare the way Steve used to do but now no longer gets to. He hates the idea of all of that and he hates being reminded of it when he hears them fuck through the walls. Oh god.

"Except that I - ," Steve swallowed thickly, looking at Robin with wide eyes. "Except that maybe - "

Robin stared at him, her eyes wide and her mouth dropping in shock. Just as Steve was working up the courage to finish that sentence, the bell above the door rang as a customer entered. Steve stumbled as he went to greet the customer, almost blurting out the old Scoops Ahoy greeting as he did so. Steve could feel Robin's eyes on him all day, but she didn't push him to talk about it. He wondered if somehow he had always known about it but chose to ignore it. Steve’s thoughts turned to Vickie and remembered how adamant he had been about her liking girls. Did he somehow know then?

"Steve, are you even paying attention to me?" Dustin asked.

"What? Yeah, yeah, you were going on and about how cool Rebecca is," Steve said, rolling his eyes. "I still can't believe Eddie introduced Rebecca to you guys without talking to me."

Several weeks later, Steve was currently driving Dustin to Gareth's house for their Hellfire meeting. He didn't know why Eddie couldn't drive Dustin, but he supposed it was so he could make out with Rebecca in the back of Eddie's van.

"Why are you acting like you and Eddie are divorced parents?" Dustin asked.

"I'm not! I'm just saying a heads up would be nice!" Steve exclaimed.

"What's your problem with Rebecca, anyway?" Dustin asked.

"Nothing!" Steve yelled, gripping the steering wheel. "It's just - he's been spending all his time with her, and even though we live together - I, uh, I miss him. I miss him, okay?!"

"Well, shit, that makes sense," Dustin said, and then he grinned. "I knew you would like him!"

"I'm obsessed with him, and I definitely would call him my best friend," Steve said.

"Well, you know, he misses you, too," Dustin frowned. "He says you keep turning him down when he asks if you want to hang out with him and Rebecca."

"Have you seen them together?" Steve asked.

"They are pretty gross," Dustin said, scrunching up his nose. "But he said he's in love."

"He said that?" Steve asked, feeling his stomach drop.

"Yeah," Dustin said. "It's pretty obvious."

Steve had dropped Dustin off to find Eddie's van in front of Gareth's house. Eddie was leaning against the van, Rebecca pressed up against him as they laughed and kissed. They broke apart, and Eddie's eyes caught his. Eddie threw up his hand to wave, but Steve quickly backed out without looking at him and drove away. A few weeks later, Eddie announced that he was moving in with Rebecca.

"What?" Steve asked.

They were standing in the kitchen, looking for something to eat for dinner when Eddie dropped the bomb.

"Yeah, I figured it was time for me to move out. I mean, your parents probably are going to come back, despite what you think," Eddie said.

"They are definitely not coming back," he scoffed. "Do you not like living with me?"

"I don't think you like living with me," Eddie said.

"I love living with you!" Steve exclaimed.

"It doesn't seem like it," Eddie scowled. "Ever since I got with Rebecca, you've made it pretty clear that I've made myself too comfortable."

Eddie couldn't be this clueless, could he? Hell, Steve was pretty clueless for the longest time, so maybe he was.

"I miss hanging out with you, Eddie. . .without Rebecca!" Steve snapped, and he couldn't stop what happened next.

Steve cupped Eddie's face and smashed his lips to his, pouring everything he had into the kiss. He pulled away, looking at Eddie, who winced.

"Yeah, Rebecca says it's not cheating to get your guy friends off and hug them, but she still doesn't like it. She says it's gross," Eddie said. "I'm sorry, I should have told you."

Well, Rebecca had been such a nice girl, and for a moment, he had been guilty about being jealous and about kissing Eddie, knowing they were together. Now, he didn't feel guilty at all. Now, he wanted to rip out every single strand of hair from her head.

"Is that what you think we've been doing?" Steve asked in disbelief.

"We're not gay, Steve, so of course, that's what we've been doing," Eddie said.

"Well, we're not gay but we're definitely something," he said. "I mean, don't you feel it?"

"No," Eddie said, shrugging his shoulders. "I'm in love with Rebecca."

Looking at Eddie right now, it felt like Steve had been transported back to that Halloween night in Tina's bathroom with Nancy telling him he was bullshit and that she didn't love him. It was the same punch to the heart that he had felt back then. God, Steve was stupid. He never felt as stupid as he did right now.

"I think - I think I'm going to take a nap," Steve muttered.

"Steve - ," Eddie started to say.

Steve walked out the front door. He didn't say where he was taking a nap, did he? Steve didn't realize that he was crying until he was halfway to Robin's, and his whole body was shaking so hard that he stopped the car for a moment. He managed to contain himself enough to continue driving. When he pulled up and got out, he could hear the sound of Robin's voice, as well as Vickie's coming from the backyard. Shit. He should turn back.

"Oh! I think I heard the sound of Steve’s car pulling up! Get your ass back here, Harrington!" Robin yelled.

It's too late now. Steve followed the sound of her voice and found her relaxing on the back porch with Vickie sitting between her legs.

"Hey," Steve said quietly. "Sorry, I didn't realize - "

"Shit," Robin said, getting up. "What happened?"

"I'm in love with Eddie," Steve said, his voice breaking.

Steve spent the next few days at Robin with Robin and Vickie working around the clock to try to lift his spirits. God, he loved Vickie. Just because she was Robin's girlfriend didn't have any obligation to be there for him. She clearly wanted to. When Steve finally returned home, all of Eddie's stuff was gone, and his key was on the counter. It nearly broke him again. There wasn't even a note.

"What did you do?" Mike asked.

A few weeks later, Nancy was away at Emerson, so Mike was now depending on him for rides to school with Lucas and Dustin. At least, on days when their parents couldn't do it. Today was one of those days.

"Why would you assume that I did anything?" Steve asked.

"Because you're you and Eddie's Eddie," Mike said. "He seemed pretty upset, and he was the one who moved out."

"Well, why would Steve be the one to move out? It's Steve’s parents' house," Lucas said.

"Besides, Steve’s not like that," Dustin scowled. "He wouldn't hurt Eddie."

"At least not intentionally," Lucas said.

"Steve hated people like us in high school," Mike said.

"And what reputable source are you getting that from?" Steve scoffed.

"Just. . .from people," Mike said.

"Yeah, I didn't have the greatest friends. They were assholes but I always tried to stop them from doing stupid shit. No one ever talks about that because people only see what they want to see. They see a guy who has everything. . .and they assume the worst about people like me because it's easier for them to believe that I'm an asshole rather than just someone who's just a person who tries to do what's right but who always been slow to realize what's important so he fails. Just like everyone else. I've always tried to stop Tommy and Carol, but the one time that I didn't. . .no matter how many times I apologize for that. . .it doesn't matter. It'll always be held over my head. . .no matter how many times I sacrifice myself and my health, I am never going to be enough," Steve said.

"You also broke Jonathan's camera," Mike pointed out.

"Oh my God! I apologized for that! I gave him a new one. I reacted out of anger, and I should have let Nancy handle that, considering. . .I don't suppose Jonathan told you why I broke his camera," Steve said.

"No," Mike said.

"Of course, he didn't," Steve said. "Look, I like Jonathan now, I even respect him and call him a friend, but he's not exactly a saint. . .There doesn't have to be a bad guy in situations like this. . .sometimes, shit just happens. Maybe you should get a ride from Jonathan from now on if you hate me so much. . .For the record, I never hated people like you in high school. Never."

"I don't hate you," Mike said softly.

"Then I don't get it," Steve said.

"Me neither," Mike said. "I'm sorry."

"Steve," Dustin said. "You're crying."

"I know."

"I'm really sorry, Steve," Mike said. "You are more than enough. I swear."

Mike had apologized profusely after that, and Steve had forgiven him, but it still left him feeling off. He wondered how many people still hated him for what happened in high school. Is that why Eddie's friends wouldn't come over to the house? Steve wondered how long he was going to be blamed for the actions of other bullying jocks, of not having the ability to know every single person in the school. No, fuck that. He was done apologizing. If people couldn't get past their own views of him, that their problem, not his. Steve was lounging out by the pool when Wayne showed up and sat in the lawn chair next to him.

"Hey, kid," Wayne said.

"Eddie's not - ," Steve said.

"I know, I came to see how you were holding up," Wayne said.

"I'm good," Steve shrugged.

"Well, that's a load of bull," Wayne said. "Something's eating you up, and I already know what it is."

"Eddie," Steve mumbled.

"Yeah. . .I hate that Rebecca," Wayne said.

"What?" Steve asked.

"Well, she's clearly homophobic, not that anyone can see that. Not even Eddie," Wayne sighed.

"That's because - ," he started to say and he quickly cut himself off.

"Yeah, I know. . .I know my boy, I was hoping he'd come to terms with himself and come to me when he was ready," he sighed again, and then he scowled. "She can say whatever she wants to me, but when she makes remarks like that towards Eddie. . ."

"You just want to rip all the hairs out of her head?" Steve asked.

"Yeah," Wayne replied with a snort. "I don't know what happened, but you were better for him than she was. Don't look at me, like that, I've seen the way he looked at you and the way you looked at him. There's something still there."

"Yeah, I don't think so," he said.

Wayne sighed and stood up, pulling Steve up to his feet.

"No matter what happens, you're my boy, too," Wayne said. "I can never think you enough for doing what you did for me and Eddie. You're a good kid. Don't give up on him. He'll come around."

Wayne pulled Steve into his arms and hugged him tightly.

"Thank you," Steve whispered.

Wayne ended up being right. A few weeks later, Eddie ended up in his doorstep in the pouring rain. Steve had stepped aside to let him in, but Eddie had quickly turned around, muttering under his breath. Steve chased after him, the rain soaking him immediately. He grabbed Eddie's arm and turned him around.

"I want to come back," Eddie said.

"What about Rebecca?" Steve yelled over the thunder, and the pouring rain.

"I broke up with her," Eddie said.

"Why?" Steve asked.

"She's not you," Eddie said.

"What are you saying?" Steve asked.

"I'm saying that I'm in love with you!" Eddie said.

Steve smiled, despite the fact that the rain was ruining his hair and that there was a definite chance that they could get sick tomorrow. There was a dreaded weight being lifted off his shoulders now.

"I'm in love with you, too," Steve said, moving towards Eddie. "Wait. What are you doing? Stay still."

"Nope! No way! There's no way I'm going to be a fucking cliche!" Eddie yelled as he ducked away from Steve’s arm.

It took him a minute, but Steve laughed when he realized where Eddie was coming from.

"Come on, Eddie! Give me a kiss!" Steve yelled.

"Nope!"

Eddie dodged Steve’s arms again, bobbing and weaving in Steve’s front yard. Steve ran after him, trying to stop him from getting to the front door.

"Eddie!" He giggled.

"I am NOT kissing you in the rain! That's too much!" Eddie shrieked.

"Oh, come on, you already told me you loved me in the rain. You're halfway there!" Steve said.

Eddie slipped in the mud but managed to get caught in Steve's arms. Steve squeezed him and smiled down at him.

"Ugh. . .don't you fucking say it, Harrington," Eddie said.

"Looks like you fell for me," Steve grinned. "I'm going to kiss you now."

"Don't you dare!"

Eddie didn't stop him when Steve leaned down and kissed him. In fact, he returned the kiss with a furious passion. Steve broke away, laughing.

"You're a fucking cliche, Eddie Munson," Steve said.

"Gah!"

The next day, Steve was right. They both got sick, but they both felt like it had been worth it. Wayne, Robin, and Vickie immediately came over to nurse them back to health. Plus, Steve was pretty sure they wanted to hear the story in person and get Eddie's stuff back from Rebecca. The three of them had laughed so hard when Steve told them how Eddie ran from him in the rain. Robin plopped down on the edge of Steve’s bed, Eddie lying next to him, as Wayne and Vickie went downstairs to make them some soup.

"Yeah, so, Rebecca is definitely homophobic," Eddie revealed.

"I fucking knew there was something about Rebecca that I just didn't like and it wasn't just because the slutty little tart was trying to steal my best friend's man," Robin said.

"You hear that, Stevie? I'm your man," Eddie said, flashing his dimples.

"Yeah, baby, you are," Steve said before sneezing so hard that his head hit Eddie's.

"Ow!"

Wayne and Vickie came back with two trays of soup. They laid them down in front of them, Wayne tucking in both boys and brushing their hair back.

"You boys eat your soup and don't worry about a thing. We're going to get Eddie's stuff," Wayne said.

It didn't seem like they were gone very long, but it could have been because Eddie and Steve had nodded off as soon as they finished the soup. They woke up to the three of them moving Eddie's things into Eddie's bedroom. Robin was carrying a box, bloody tissues hanging from her nose.

"What the hell happened?" Steve asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Well, Rebecca wasn't too happy about us trying to take your things, so she put her hands on Vickie and called her the 'd' word," Robin said. "I had no choice, really. I had to punch her."

"It was so sexy," Vickie said.

"I brought you back a trophy," Robin said and dropped strands of strawberry blonde hair onto the bed. "Don't worry, I left behind most of it."

"Damn," Eddie grinned. "Go, Buckley. Thanks for doing all of this."

"Don't worry about it, kid. You boys just focus on getting better. No more kissing in the rain," Wayne said.

"I told you nothing good comes from kissing in the rain," Eddie said to Steve.

Wayne rolled his eyes and gathered up the soup trays, taking them out of the room.

"I'm glad you guys figured out your shit," Robin said as she put away Eddie's things. "Although, for the longest time, I didn't know there was shit to figure out."

"I'm sorry that we were so clueless," Steve said with a grin.

"Ah, you're forgiven. Easily," Robin smiled.

"Still not gay," Eddie said.

"Eddie!" Steve exclaimed. "We've admitted that we're in love with each other. How are you still in denial?!"

"Sorry, sweetheart," Eddie cackled. "I thought I was being funny. We're a little gay."

"Do you guys not know what I am?" Vickie asked, squinting her eyes at them.

"Uh, a redhead?" Eddie asked, and Robin snorted. "Unless. . .you're not?"

"Babe, did I not tell them? I could have sworn that I did," Vickie said as she helped put Eddie's clothes in Steve's drawers.

"I don't think you did," Robin said.

"Well, I'm bisexual. I like men and women. . .OH, CRACKERS!" Vickie yelled as she accidentally closed her thumb in the drawer.

"Crackers? What's a cracker?" Steve whispered to Eddie.

"Maybe it's someone who's both a man and woman?" Eddie asked in confusion.

"Maybe it's someone who's got no gender at all," Steve said, snapping his fingers.

"But why would they be called crackers?" Eddie asked.

"Because crackers have no gender," Steve said.

"Makes sense," Eddie said.

"Does it?" Robin asked. "What's wrong with you?"

"Crackers also have salt, and tears have salt in them," Steve said.

Robin frowned and pressed her hands to their foreheads.

"Wayne! Their temperatures have spiked!" Robin yelled.

"I found the medicine!" Wayne yelled!

"We'll talk about it again when you guys are feeling better," Vickie giggled.

The next day, once their fever had broken, they had talked about it at great length. . .about what it all meant for them. Steve was curled up on Eddie's chest, running his hands gently over his scars.

"I bet Jeff never got this far," Steve said.

"No, not even close. That was just lip hugging. . .oh my god, I can't believe how dumb I was," Eddie laughed.

He sighed as his boyfriend pressed kisses into his hair. Steve giggled. Boyfriend.

"Lip hugging. . .it's cute," Steve said.

"So, why did Dustin tell me that I need to kill of Mike's character?" Eddie asked.

"Oh, Mike was just being an asshole teenager, and he was just being protective of you," Steve said.

"Dustin said he made you cry," Eddie said.

"Oh, I mean, yeah," he said. "But it's fine, you don't have to kill his character."

"What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't at least try?" Eddie asked. "God, I'm so fucking lucky."

It was the first time hearing it come from Eddie's mouth. He climbed up and straddled Eddie's wasn't, kissing him deeply. It felt so much more real now that they were no longer in denial. The walls they had put up were falling down around them as they fell into deep acceptance, wrapping up in each other's warm embrace.

[miseta]

Chapter 12 ➺ Broken nights

Starting over In Madrid

Misa Rodriguez x Reader (Nicky/first person)

After moving to Madrid as the new Real Madrid photographer, Nicky's eyes can't look away from the pretty face of Misa Rodriguez. But how is she going to handle her growing desire for the Canarian goalkeeper when her working contract's strictly forbidding her to date players? Chapter 1 ➺ A harder job than I thought Chapter 2 ➺ Clearly on a bad slope Chapter 3 ➺ Calmly panicking Chapter 4 ➺ Hell Clasico Chapter 5 ➺ Valleys and peaks Chapter 6 ➺ Paris est magique! Chapter 7 ➺ In the haze Chapter 8 ➺ Confusion and directions Chapter 9 ➺ A place for words Chapter 10 ➺ Not a cloud in sight Chapter 11 ➺ Dangerous steps TW: angst 5K words

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

Hayley entered the hospital room with a rather anxious face. Bright vivid lights tinted the place with a gloomy atmosphere ironicaly contrasting with the poster of child playing at the beach hung to the wall. 

I’d looked at the frame for hours, the random boring picture now printed on my retina. My phone had died, and I had no charger so I had nothing to do excepted to wait for something, someone to come visit me or bringing me the precious device that could connect me to the world. 

Nurses had reassured me that I was okey and that she had contact my parents and the club to reassured them as well. However, I felt helpless, still shaken by my accident, and stressed out by how things were going for the team and for Misa. Her anxious face was printed in my mind too, having my mouth dry as I imagined her own distress when she had had no news of me for hours. 

Now, Hayley’s visit was like sunshine after a storm, lighting my gloomy bedroom with her friendly presence. However, her coming alone didn’t reassured me at all, showing, on the contrary, the absence of the person I wanted to see most. 

“Here you are Nicky!” My friend greated me, smiling mildly. 

“Hey Hayley, yeah, here I am…”, I replied, lifting my banded arm with a wince as the Aussie came at my bedside.

“Sweetie, in what a state you are…”, she said patting my shoulder with a pout. “What did the doctors said ?”

“Seven stitches on the arm and two on my waist, but fortunately nothing’s broken and the scanner’s good too. I’ll probably count the bruises tomorrow though” 

Hayley broke a smile, reassured. “Good to hear it from your mouth even if all the team already know you’re all right. As you imagine, we called the clinic to check on you as soon as the match ended.” 

I opened my mouth but Hayley went on before I could speak. “We lost. 1 to 3”. 

Silence filled the room as we gazed at each other, our look heavy with what the score implied. 

“Where’s…”

“Misa.” The winger finished. “Hum, everything has been hard for her, she… she’s processing… things and it’s too risky for her to come right now”, Hayley answered. 

My mouth was becoming really dry and I grasped my wrist in a reassuring gesture, feeling the bracelet Misa had gave me under my thumb. 

“Hayly, tell me what happened since I fell onto that fucking glass, all of it please.”

The winger sighed but her voice was calm, “When you fell, Misa rushed at your side immediately and when they took you away, well, Misa did her best to look normal. We were all shocked and scared for you of course but Misa… she cares about you like a girlfriend does, you know that, and she had a really hard time to refocus on the match…”

I buried my face in my hand, wincing again when moving my left arm, “So she took three goals… I’m really spoiling everything…” 

Hayley tried her best at conforting me, “Nobody’s mad about you Nicky, especially not Misa! She’s mad at herself above all.” 

“Then why isn’t she here?” I asked, anger building as I needed her here with me so badly.

“To protect you. Lea’s figured it out. Misa told me. She probably got it as soon as she saw Misa completely panicking at the sight of you lying on the floor covered in blood, and during the match, it’s true Misa did some pretty bad mistakes. Anybody could tell it wasn’t her night. We agreed I’d visit you not to draw more attention on her at the moment because I had to skip debrief to be able to come during visit hours. But she’ll call soon. Oh speaking of that…” Hayley pulled a charger out of her bag. “Here! You know when you’ll be out?” 

“Tomorrow morning for sure”, I sighed, Hayley helping me to plug my phone to the charger.

“Great, Misa asked me to told you she’s going to pick you up. I’ve to go home Nicky but feel free to call whenever you want!” 

“Thank you so much, you’re a real friend.” 

“Take care, sweetie” the Aussie brushed my hair affectionately before going out of the room. 

I turned on my phone as soon as she was gone. As I expected, I had dozens of messages from my parents and friends wishing me a prompt recovery. I smiled at seeing the red circle with the number eleven on it next to Misa’s name and started reading.

17h47 Mi cari… I hope you’re well…  we’re heading to the pitch I’m leaving my phone. 17h48 I’m thinking of you 💛 18h51 hope everything’s alright, I guess you can’t answer me right now  20h05 I was worrying sick but we called the clinic and they told us you’re okay and that you’re unreachable!   20h16 Lea clocked me, I can’t come to see you it’s too risky  We talked and she’s cool she won’t say anything  20h27 Hayley’s gonna come with a charger she on her way  20h41 call me when you can  Love you

I didn’t wait one more minute to press the little phone sign on the screen, my chest tightening at the dialing sound lasted.

“Cari! How are you?” 

It felt so good to just hear her voice.

***

“Oww!”, I moaned at the feeling of the compress being pulled of my wound.

“Perdon! It’s well stuck!”, the goodie excused herself while she slowly pulled the piece of medical tape appart from my skin. She delicately finished to remove my old dressing and put sanitizer on a coton pad. “Does it hurt?” She asked as she applied the cotton on the still fresh stitches. 

“No, it’s just a little sensitive now.” 

I watched her concentrating on the task. Her brows twitched or lifted now and then, her plump lips pinching like they usually did when she was focusing on something. 

Misa continued to clean my wound a couple of minute with much care, then she made a new dressing with compress and tape. 

“We’re done here!” She said lifting her brown eyes toward mine. “You lie down on the sofa so I can change the one on your back”.

I nodded and stroke her forehead softly before doing as told. “Thanks for taking care of me, Love.”

“De nada”, she murmured and started humming a song while cleaning the other stitches.

“Porque desde que estás aquí Aquí cerca de mí Que tú eres mi baby Y ese recuerdo de tenerte sin ropa

Que no me deja dormir Sigo pensando en ti Que tú eres mi baby Y ese recuerdo de tenerte sin ropa”

I recognized the song of our holidays in Formentera, her melodious voice was like water, slowly running down, so much softer than the other Spanish people and having me wondering where that came from.

“Misa, can I ask you something?”

“Si, claro” 

“Why am I feeling you don’t talk like Madrid Spanish people do? Do you have an accent?” 

She chuckled at my question “Es el acento canario! We skip a lot of letters like the letter S. For exemple, I don’t say España but E’paña. Mas goales is ma’ goale’”.

“Ohhhh, I see now! That’s why I thought nothing was plural for you ahahah, outch!“ I winced again, the scar on my back was still sore. “Tell me something else about the canaries.” I inquired, curious about her birthplace and wishing to focus on something else than the pain.

“You already know my island is Gran Canaria, the round one. We have a micro climate in Canaria’, it’s 25 degrees and sunny almost all year. La’ Palma’ is one of the biggest city of E’paña.” 

Now that she’d explained it, I noticed every missing S in her way of speaking.

“Oh ok, that seems great! Is there a metro or tramway in Las Palmas?” 

“No but our wawa network works well!” Misa answered proudly. 

I didn’t understand what she was taking about so I repeated interrogatively, “Wawa?” 

“Jaja, yes we call our buses Wawa’ and again I’m not really pronouncing the letter G, you spell it G-U-A-G-U-A.”

“Guagua”, I echoed.

Misa chuckled once more as she finished to put compress and tape on my second wound. She sprayed a bit of sanitizer on a bad bruise close by that sent a shiver through my body, “I love mi i’la - my island - I love Madrid too but it’s not the same and all my family is there…” she paused and pulled my T shirt back down, “It’s all done, we’re good for two days”. 

I sat up on the couch, looking again into her eyes, and guilt surged as I thought of how caring she was when I was the reason of the nasty game she had endured. Misa seemed to guess my unease and frowned slightly.

My finger tips smoothed her furrowed brows, the goalkeeper closing her eyes and enjoying my little touches on her face. 

“Hummm”, she sighed as I scratched her scalp, and she rested her head against my chest. Her arms surrounded my waist and she hugged me tight, my fingers rubbing through her hair. “Are you going to be alright on your own when I’ll be gone with the team?” 

“Yes, don’t worry, I’m off work until your return and a nurse will be coming to check on me. I’ll be alright. Really Misa, do not worry about me okey?” I insisted, dreading to be the source of an other failure. 

“Vale, tiene’ razón… Let’s go in bed, my flight’s early tomorrow.”

***

TV was set up, diner ready, my medicine taken and my dressing changed. From the sofa where I sat on in the cosiness of my home, I was bracing myself for the kick off of the Champion’s League second game, Real Madrid versus Juventus. 

The whistle blowed and the match began, the sorting deciding Madrid were having the ball. 

Straight from the start, Caroline Weir rushed past the Italian defenders, aiming for Signey Brunn, Signey striking hard and fast and the ball rebound on the fists of the goalkeeper. Yet, Caroline had moved forward and was in best position to recover that ball, quick enough to send it right into the cage before Payraud-Magnin had the time to dive for it again. The players burst of joy, and so do I, jumping from the sofa and howling in pain as the wound on my waist woke up from standing up too fast. 

The ball was given back to Juventus but they quickly lost it again. The following minutes were a succession of lost balls and touches, both goalkeepers having very little to do appart from staying focused. 

On the 35th minute, Sofia Cantore managed to get between Rocio and Olga and ended up doing a nice center, recovered by Cristiana Girelli who shot right at the left goal corner. Misa jumped high toward the ball but could do nothing but stare helplessly as it landed at the back of net. Cheers from the crowd. Silence from the other side. The shot had been neat and strong, really hard to stop but Misa pulled a face. Taking a goal was always hard to swallow. 

Moreover when the Italian attaquant Sofia Cantore escaped on her own right after the goal kick and went back straight to the cage. Misa readied herself for the shot but decided at the last minute to come out of the penalty area, rushing at the ball coming to her at full speed. Although, Sofia shot before Misa could reach her, and Real Madrid took its second goal. 

My stomach began to knot, the Misa coming off her goal line had been a big mistake, hardly punished for having taking the risk of leaving her cage exposed. The camera lasted a moment on the goalie’s tense face, her jaw clenched, frustrated and angry with herself when that goal could have been saved if she had thought better. Thus, Juventus had taken the lead because of it. 

Fortunately, the second half time started much better, Caroline and Linda managing to score respectively at the 61th and 79th minute, having me fidgeting of joy but remaining seated quietly on the sofa in fear of pain. 

However, everything changed past the 85th minute. Juventus managed to get a corner, shooting it nicely to the waiting head of Estelle Cascarino, her header sending it right into Misa’s gloves. The goalkeeper’s grip wasn’t firm enough and the ball slipped away from her outstretched hand, falling onto the grass and rolling lazily to Estelle’s feet. The defender took her second chance, kicking swiftly into the opened part of the cage. Misa was defeated. Not grasping the ball was a beginner mistake. 

I shrank into the couch, afraid, only to see Juventus taking the ball back toward Misa’s cage, Misa bracing herself for the attack again, clearly panicked to take yet another goal. Maelle Lakrar succeeded at tackling the Italian striker nicely and the ball rolled to the feet of Olga, but she was pressed hard by Cantore preventing her to cleared away the ball. After a few unsuccessful dribbles, Olga finally decided to pass the ball back to Misa. Girelli rushed to the goalkeeper as soon as she had the ball, having Misa to do a quick clearance to put away the danger. However, Misa cleared straight in front of the goal and her pass was intercepted by the midfielder Ariana Caruso, shooting high in the air. Misa followed the ball running backward, ready to jump to catch it but it decended at hand level right behind the goalie. Misa jumped, the tips of her gloves touching the ball only to see it hitting the roof of the net. 

I could not watch anymore. Misa stayed lying on the grass, the Italian player and crowd screeches field the stadium. The filming framing doesn’t allowed me to see more of Misa’s despair but I didn’t need it to know this was bad. Very bad. 

I cleared the remaining of my meal and did the dished, my mind clouded. I heard the whistle signal the game ending. Three to four. Misa had taken four goals facing a clearly dominated team. Three of them could have been avoided to the least. 

This was bad. Misa’s wasn’t well. I had never saw her played like that. 

My heart sank as I waited for her to call me, not daring to send her a message myself when she knew I had seen that awfull match.

But two hours later, I had no call, no messages. 

I wrote her a short text, “I hope you’re well, call me when you can”. 

Time got by and she didn’t answered, my angst growing crazy until I could stand no more, and called her. The dialing sound lasted, having me wondering anxiously if she was going to pick up. 

“Hola…”, the goalie finally answered but her voice was hoarse. Had she been crying? 

“Hey Mis’… how are you?” I sensed my saliva drying in my mouth.

“Buah, not very well I guess…” 

Silence settled between us as I waited for her to go on, however, she said nothing else, thus I inquired with caution, “Fuck, sweetie… is there anything I can do?”

I heard her sniff and sight heavily and angst gripped me a little more, “eh… no, I… we…”

But the woman stopped to let a rasping breath and my stomach knotted itself entirely. Dread crashed onto my body as I stayed floating in the awful quietness. I muttered a voiceless prayer but deep inside I knew what was coming next.

“I think we should stop”.

If only I could have been wrong. 

Silence settled again and I could only hear the loud and fast beats of my heart. I swallowed almost nothing, my mouth dryer than after a run. 

“Lo siento mucho”, the strangle voice of Misa said through the phone. “ I can’t…”

“…go on like this, I know,” I finished. Tears streamed from my eyes but my body was numb with shock, I felt I had stopped breathing. 

“You… should get the chance to fulfill your work aspirations…”, she added. 

I really couldn’t breath anymore, through air indeed went in and out of my lungs.

“…and I need to focus back on mine”, she concluded. Her sniffs achieved to break my heart into pieces. 

She’s right.

But I love her. 

But she’s right. I’m not doing her any good, I’m even ruining her performances… I shouldn’t fight for this. 

“I…get it”, because I love you, I added in my mind. “I guess I’m going to hang up now… too hard.” I managed to articulate, my body fighting against the sobs trying to come out now. 

“I’m so sorry… take care Nicky”

My chest shook uncontrollably for containing the sobs. I couldn’t say anything, still I couldn’t hang up after all. It would mean it would be over. Our relationship would end with the call. 

But then it hit me. 

It was over already, we had just break up. 

I spoiled a minute trying to regain my ability to speak, my blurred sight composing the soft features of her face as tears and sobs escaped madly. 

“Take care, you’re the best, Love…” I finally stuttered in a broken voice and I found the strength to press the red circle just after. 

I dropped my phone on the sofa, fighting to retake my breath as sobs took all over my body with an inimaginable strength. Every inches of my being ached, my mind drowning in unbearable pain. It was over. We were no more. Of course she’d break up. What was I thinking dating a woman like her. I should be grateful for having her for some months. 

But I couldn’t. Pain and numbness was all I could feel. 

I couldn’t stand it.

I couldn’t.

Time had stopped. Life frozen. 

I had dragged myself to bed where I was now lying for hours, unable to sleep, unable to stop crying, unable to do anything else but stare blankly at the ceiling. Destroyed once again, I was lost in the worst part of a break up, the realization of it, of her absence, suffocating, when her presence lingered everywhere in my small home. Her toothbrush was waiting in the bathroom, some of her clothes and underwear in my closet, special ingredients for her diet remained in the kitchen. 

I tossed and turned, fighting to not drown in pain, my sadistic mind picturing her smile with her dimple on her left cheek. She was slouched in the sofa, wasting her time on her phone before joining me in bed. She was about to come now, tired and needy before sleeping, as usual. She was about to wake me up from this nightmare. It had to. 

I spent the night fighting against sleep as I knew too well I would be dreaming of her holding me close. But when dawn approached I sunk in a troubled dream where I looked for her without succeeding at finding her. When I finally reached her, Misa’s broad smile faded away and I woke up with a jolt, my arm probing the bed for her conforting body and falling onto the cold flatness of the mattress beside me. 

Everything was upside down. I had woken up in a nightmare, jet-lagged and dehydrated, reality crushing me once more as I realized the break up was real.  

***

Two days later I was back to work, should I say back to hell. The Cuidad was no longer the familiar and reassuring place I knew but the ghostly reminder of my gone happiness. Misa’s presence had leaked everywhere here too, from the field, where fortunately I rarely went, to my office, to the locker room and the photo studio. The Cuidad was where everything had begun, the witness of our friendship and attraction slowly turning into love and care. When she dumped me, Misa took everything I’d built here and even if it was true I was happy before we started dating, I couldn’t imagine that happiness coming back now. 

Therefore, I tried to focus on work and it worked a few hours, until I had to modify a close shot of the goalie, my eyes immediately filling with tears at the sight of the features I loved so much. I kept crying as I cropped her silhouette to put it a new background. Once again, Misa was everywhere, to the very content of my work, having me trapped in an infinite sadness as more pictures of her popped on the screen. I quitted my office to get some air, but mostly to smoke the cigarettes I had bought on the way. But smoking didn’t appeased my broken heart the slightest and I ended up crying like a child in the bathroom, grasping the thin bracelet attached to my wrist I hadn’t had the strength to take off. 

On the next day, I felt lost, wandering aimlessly in the corridor, both dreading and hoping to fell on her waiting for the elevator or on my way to the parking lot. I had not seen the goalie since our break up, our goodbyes on the phone the last words between us. I navigated between numbness and sadness, exhausted by trying to get a grip, to block all thoughts and emotions toward her. On the evening, I spent hours on the phone with Angela, smoking like a fireman, telling her everything, crying more, hurting more. My best mate never mentioned the fact that she foresaw it happening and I was grateful for that. Angela wasn’t like that. I could always count on her. 

But even Angela couldn’t confort me like Misa did, only her had the ability to make me smile in a heartbeat with a bad joke or a silly pout no matter how bad my day was. Only her could really take the stress away in those hard moments. Misa gone, I also lost my confident and protector.

Fortunately, I started preparing the photo exhibition and was surprised to feel almost good about it. I buried myself into it entirely, putting all my denied feelings at showing my dedication for my job at the Real. While everything else was gone, being a photographer had stayed a consistence source of joy in my life, granting me self confidence and allowing me to express myself artistically. Somehow like a therapy, I worked for days, selecting shots, discussing exhibition and displays directions, retouching images, until I was satisfied of every pictures and the way they were going to be shown. 

So in spite of all, I started to get better days after days. Not to say enjoyable, but life seemed livable again. I got used to the fade taste not leaving my mouth, smoking not helping, the cold gray weather of the end of November matching my mood. Nothing really appealed me anymore apart photography. Things happened or did not and I didn’t care, but at least to upcoming exhibition helped me not to feel completely distraught. 

And I needed it badly as I endured seeing Misa again during matches and for specific communication needs. We didn't exchanged a word, barely looking at each other but those moments of relative proximity kept stirring the emotions I was trying so hard to bury.

Thus, I didn't expected for her to come to find me after a particularly good game against la Real Sociedad. 

Smoking outside the stadium, my heart leaped when I saw her walking toward me. I took a glimpse behind my shoulder to check if there could be someone else she wanted to meet. But there wasn’t, and there was no doubt allowed anymore as she stopped right in front of me, her hands in her pockets and her glance dark when she saw me light up another cigarette.

“Hey“, she said, looking away. 

“Hey“, I answered coldly. If she wanted to talk to me she better do it, I was not going to make it easier for her.

“I have something to tell you. The all team guessed the "misacertijo", they know it’s you I was seeing. I didn’t confirm it but it’s pretty obvious without having to say anything.“ 

Misa lift her gaze back to me. How weird it was to be that close to her again. Something waggled in my numb body as I searched about what to answer. Of course everybody had guessed who Misa was dating. We were always friendly and close but suddenly we both stared to avoid each other. Neither of us were having the strength to pretend being in good term.

“Hum, ok. Thanks for telling me.“ I finally said and Misa furrowed her brows. 

“You’re not worried about it?“

“Nobody has proof and they’re not going to get one since it’s over…“, I explained more bitterly than I wanted to. 

Misa seemed to study me a moment and her intense gaze made my throat tighten. She had to stop looking at me like that. 

“I heard your photo exhibition is opening soon?“ 

My breathing fastened slightly. What was she playing at? 

“Yes it is. The opening will be on the 20th of December.“ 

“Well done, I’m happy for you“, she said peering down at her feet. 

She looked so usure, could I say sad? Something hot and growling stirred in me again and I took another puff of my cigarette to dismiss the feel. “Thanks, and well done for tonight as well. That was quite a match. You seem to be doing great.“ 

“I’m working hard, thanks...“ Misa said, her lips sketching the start of a smile and her brown eyes found mine again a moment. A moment during she seemed to be thinking of thousands of things, opening her mouth and closing it a few times as I kept on smoking slowly to hide my confusion.

“What about that?“ She finally asked pointing my cigarette with disgust. 

At first, I didn’t knew exactly why that made me so angry, but then I got why I suddenlty was so furious. Her jugement on what I was doing with my life, a life she had chosen not to be part of, was the last thing I needed. Moreover, she was the very reason of me smoking again. 

So, I pursed my lips, answering with a hard stare. “This is none of your business!“

I crushed my roach in the ashtray, taking the path to the parking lot without another look back at her. 

And of course, I cried again that evening and during many other after it. 

***

Champagne and cocktails flowed freely, lounge music filling the vast reception hall. Bottles were opened and poured in stemmed glasses at an enticing rhythm, the loud pops creating a funny addition to quiet notes in the background. But despite the wonderful decor, I was nervous. 

Of course, I was nervous. I wasn’t used to being under the spotlights, moreover in a foreign country, at a party of the most famous football club of the world. I glanced at the corridor showing of few of my photographies and my gaze rested a moment on a particular shot. It was a photo of Misa and Hayley sat in our pitch corner, smiling broadly while looking in the distance at something I had forgotten. No matter what happened, those moments where the three of us had connected, had stayed dear to my heart. Now, it wasn't without pride that I watch it hung against the white wall of one of the most fancy galleries of Madrid. 

Ana was eagerly twitching beside me. It had been her idea to paire the exhibition’s opening with the traditional Christmas party. Every year the club organized a special event for employee, members and a well selected guest list. For this edition, the paring had led them to chose a galerie of the center of the capital, with a vast reception room adjoining to it, were the party would take place latter. It was meant to be quite a show. On her side, Ana had been very attentive to be seen as the thinking head of all of this. But for now, she, Mariam, Eneko and I were standing in a neat line facing the entrance to welcome the guests. 

The firsts ones to arrive were a groupe of employees from the commercial department, quickly followed by some of the players.  Everybody had put on their best outfit in a demonstration of good and not so good taste. Olga was in a rather odd dress-suite but Maelle wore a smart sparkling skirt and a fancy white shirt.

As for me, I had spent hours deciding what to wear for that precise occasion. I didn’t want to be too formal but not too relaxed either. Thus, I had sent dozen of very doubtful selfies in front of the mirror to Angela and Hayley, sicking their advices and validation. 

“Nicky, we talked about this a hundred time, you’re not wearing a shirt!“, Angela had said on the speaker. 

“I have nothing else! All the tops I have are shirts or T shirts!“

“Then go for a dress, the dark blue one, you look stunning in it!“

“But I never were dresses, it feels weird…“ I had moaned, searching the pile of clothes. 

“You said you didn’t want to wear pants either, that it was too common! You said you wanted to stand out but in a good way… That was your precise words and we both know what you want deep down…“ 

I had rolled my eyes. “Well, I don’t! You do?“ 

“You want to be sexy as hell so you can impress everyone this evening“, she had answered.

My brain had instantly pictured the face of my ex-girfreind gagging at the sight of very attractive version of me. My lips had stretched into a smile and I had surrendered, “Ok, I’m trying the blue one again, but I’m not putting stilettos. What about boots?“ 

“Humm, with hills if you want your outfit to remain chic….“

I had dig out a paire of ankle high varnished black boots with medium hills I had had probably bought for some kind of party and worn two or three times in my life. I had put them on, shoved my hair to the side and sent a photo of my reflection to Angela. 

“You’re stunning Nicky!  it’s giving a "I’m good on my own boss girl and look at what you lost" vibe. Perfect.“

“Perfect“, I had echoed. 

So here I was, wearing a silky dark blue dress and hills boots, casually chatting with people, a cup of champagne in a hand and a small bag in the other, giving a very worldly version of Nicky to the now crowded place. I didn’t know where to give head, everybody greeted me, congratulated me. I grasped hands of people I had no idea who they were, explained my works a dozen times and emptied several glasses far too quickly. 

An hour or so had passed and I was in a long conversation about my vision of sport photography with a journalist named Franck when she came.

She hadn’t overdressed. She was wearing simple brown suit pants and a silver long sleeve top. I followed her from the corner of my eyes, watching her looking around, clearly searching for something or someone in the crowd. 

She took a glass, her moves usure, and looked a moment at the photographies hung on the walls. She was getting closer when she turned her head. Our eyes finally met. Her lips parted slightly before she close them again and looked away. Misa had always been pretty bad at hiding her emotions. 

A second later she had despaired into the crowd and I excused myself to Franck, unable to talk or listen anymore. Knowing Misa was there had troubled me. I quickly exit the hall to the terrace to light up a cigarette. I took a few puffs and breathed in relief the sweet poison filling my lungs. It was a pitiful compensation. I had not felt the satisfaction I had expected when she had seen me. I didn't know anymore what I wanted her to feel. Impressed? Angry? Sad? She had definitely seemed sad rather than impressed or angry.

As a matter of fact, so I was now, smoking on the terrace on my own. How many times I had dreamt of celebrating the opening of my first exhibition with her. 

With her…

I pulled at my cigarette, forcing my mind to go blank again, my now well known strategy to retain some of my sanity, when I heard a soft voice close by.

Her voice. 

“Lea please don’t...“

She was probably just around the corner, only a few feet away, still she could not see me I could not see her.

“Why not, I like you Misa. And you like me“, Lea’s assured voice replied. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t like you like this…“ 

I was frozen, torn between hearing what I shouldn’t and knowing what was going to happened. 

“Don’t you think it could change?“

“I…I don’t know Léa… I don’t think so.“

There was a silence during I dared to pull at my cigarette. 

“It’s her, right? You’re still in love with her?“ The droping voice of Léa inquired. 

My heart was drumming in my chest, my hurt and mangled soul hanging to her answer as I hold my breath in what seemed the longest seconds of my life.

“Of course I still love her“, Misa’s low and broken voice echoed in the cold night. 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧ 

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

For the main skellies pls...how good are they in physical combat and pain tolerance???

Undertale Sans - He's good in physical combat because he is a rare subspecies, a Judge. Judges were annihilated during the war by humans because of how powerful they are, as they can inflict as much damage as the LV the people they're fighting have, their only weakness being their low HP, because their magic is more developed than their life force. Sans is like the last of them. Sans, however, doesn't really know that. All he knows is that his magic is weird and powerful for some reason and that he dislikes using it. So he keeps his skills in combat well hidden and shows them only in extremely desperate times. Only Asgore knows what he is, but seeing that Sans obviously doesn't want to be a warrior, he lets him go and lets his people forget about the Judge monsters. Toriel has suspicions too, but she never really finds the courage to talk to Sans about this. Sans would probably not like that anyway. Other than that, he is pretty resistant to pain. He doesn't like showing when he's sick or in pain and will try to pretend everything is alright for the longer he can.

Undertale Papyrus - He's extremely good and extremely powerful. It's a shame Undyne realized that after reaching the Surface and overhearing her saying he could never make it to the Royal Guard. Papyrus is not interested in fighting anymore. He accepted long ago that his hands are made more for healing and helping people than hurting people. That doesn't mean he can't defend himself though, far from that. Papyrus' magic always had been extremely powerful, and actually, way too much for him to handle, and when he needs to, he lets go of everything, and good luck with that lol. What he showed Frisk or even Undyne is not even half of what he can do. He's pretty average on pain tolerance, except in combat, where he can take a lot of hits before renouncing.

Underswap Sans - Blue was born to fight and nothing ever stopped him to follow his dream. Alphys saw great potential in him at a young age, and even if Blue struggled to follow any sense of authority and often preferred to follow his instincts, it was pretty clear to her that he would become one of his best soldiers. He is extremely good and precise in fights and added to that, he is a very good strategist. Most of his plans succeed. That was no surprise to anyone when he was the first to volunteer to enter the police. Alphys trained him a few months to teach him how to lead a team, then she left him on his own to go back to civil life with Undyne. Blue is working hard to make her proud. All the criminals in town know his name and they fear him, but he's even flawless, far from that. He tends to put himself in danger all the time, and sometimes it comes back to bite him. He's resistant to pain though and doesn't mind getting hurt to protect his colleagues.

Underswap Papyrus - He can defend himself if he really needs it too. That's his max though. Honey is not a fighter and growing up in the shadow of his brother succeeding in everything in his life made sure he didn't want to be one. He's not really strong, he's not really powerful, he hides behind big monsters when things are bad and he doesn't have any resistance to pain lol. Leave him alone. Honey biggest strength is his empathy and his intelligence. He doesn't need to be a soldier to show everyone what he can do.

Underfell Sans - He's a good fighter but he's also a very good survivalist. He perfectly knows he's not really strong, nor really smart, and so he will always choose to flee instead of fighting if he has the choice. Survival before anything else. However, if cornered, Red is for sure a force you for sure don't want to deal with. He's brutal, and merciless and his powerful attacks are aimed to kill or injure badly until he finds a way to escape. You really don't want to see what he's really capable of. He has a good resistance to pain. He already went through some horrible things before and it's hard to break him.

Underfell Papyrus - He's obviously an excellent fighter. Edge had been enrolled in the Royal Guard very young, and was the only one to survive his battalion, all killed by Asgore during their initiation ritual. Edge never knew why Asgore kept him alive, either because Sans paid him or the King saw something in him. He'll never know. After that, Edge was forced to improve, constantly, if he wanted to be enough to not be executed. He became captain only a few months later, thanks to his great mind and how he managed to bring peace back to Snowdin, reputed to be full of rebels and little criminals. He's an excellent strategist, and that's the reason why, after some time, Asgore tried to assassinate him lol, because Edge was a lot more popular than him, and represented a threat to the crown. Too bad Edge saw that coming. Now on the Surface after Asgore's brutal death, after he tried to force Undyne to be his wife, Edge lost a bit of his combat skills, as he doesn't want to do anything with the guard. But he's still very dangerous, alone or in a duo with Undyne. He has an extreme resistance to pain, which is both a good thing and a bad thing. He can have both legs broken, but he'll still keep fighting. But that also means he has a very bad tendency to hide his injuries from everyone, and sometimes for a very long time, until he can't physically stand up anymore.

Horrortale Sans - He's a very dangerous fighter and you really don't want to have him as an enemy. Oak is completely unpredictable and smart and he is still a Judge Monster, despite all the changes in his personality. He can't use his magic for long, but now that he has LV, his attacks are devastating. Unlike Sans, he perfectly knows how powerful he is, and will do all he can to scare the threat off before actually attacking. He doesn't want to fight, but he wants to know people that he can perfectly do it if they keep pushing. You don't want to fight him, he's deadly, maybe even more than the Fell skeletons. He has an extreme resistance to pain too, but that's mainly because the part of his brain that used to tell him when he's in pain is gone. It's a good thing because he doesn't feel like he's injured. But that's also a bad thing because Oak can't really tell when his injuries are too much or when they are too important for him to keep fighting. In everyday life, that's also a big problem because he can't tell when something is burning for example, which can lead to severe injuries. He already lost a finger once because of that. That's one of the many reasons why Willow is always on his back: Oak can't tell when he's hurt. So Willow has to do that for him.

Horrortale Papyrus - Willow won't fight until he has really no other choice, both because he is limited in what he can do physically with his disabilities, but also because he is scared of his own magic. It was already difficult to control it before, now it's completely unpredictable and wild. When Willow attacks for real, you most likely not survive, even if he tries to hold back. His attacks are extremely powerful and brutal, and he can't choose how to aim at the good people, which makes him dangerous for his allies as well. Added to that, using his magic often leaves him on the verge of dying because he uses way too much magic than what he's supposed to. Other than that, Willow has a good resistance to pain. He doesn't really have a choice as he's constantly in pain. He just got used to it.

Swapfell Sans - He's a good fighter, but he's tired of fighting constantly. Nox adapts to almost every situation and changes his style of combat according to it. He's extremely precise. He was recruited really young in the guard, then got noticed by the Queen and she decided to train him herself. Nox is as strong as a boss monster and his name is enough to scare even the most powerful warriors of the Royal Guard. But behind this hide years of abuse, both mentally and physically, and the extreme pressure the Queen put on his shoulders, as she trained him to be the next King of Monsters. Nox said nothing Underground, but now that he is on a Surface, he is realizing everything he lost those years, his personality, his brother, his teenage years... And that made him just a tiny bit rebellious. Even if he feels better now, after reaching the Surface, Nox looked for troubles, hoping some monsters would kill him before he can access to the throne. He realized after that it meant leaving his brother all alone and calmed down, but he changed a lot. He prefers to defend than attack now and does his best to not always be in the frontlines. He's still a very scary opponent though. He has a good resistance to pain, but unlike Edge, he learned to ask for help when he needs it.

Swapfell Papyrus - He's a tricky one. Rus is actually a good fighter. His brother trained him, and even though they separated Underground, Rus kept training on his own. He's not as precise as a soldier, but he's extremely smart. He usually only dodges for a long time, forcing his opponent to use his magic. And when the guy gets tired, he attacks at full force and at the speed of light, usually surprising his opponent enough for them to either have to retreat or to change their strategy entirely. He's dangerous, more than what people think, but he prefers way more to find a peaceful end to his fights, by talking or annoying his opponents until they get tired of him and leave lol. Rus does this effect on people. He has a low resistance to pain though. He's a true drama queen when he's in pain and even with a little splinter in the finger, he acts like he's in agony.

Fellswap Gold Sans - Probably one of the most dangerous skeletons. Wine is before all a genius strategist. Even if he can fight terribly well and with extremely powerful attacks, he prefers to keep his best skills hidden to surprise his enemies. That's no fun if he attacks stupidly. No, what Wine likes is underground battles. Manipulating people so they turn against their people at the last second, destroying the entire economy so that his opponents can't buy enough weapons, recruiting spies, and training them to assassinate some people without anyone being able to know he's the one who did it... Wine prefers to work hidden and make a theatrical appearance at the end once their opponent realizes they're completely screwed and that he didn't even have to fight to get to this result. Then he attacks and destroys them completely. The Queen and the King fear him, his rivals fear him, everyone fear him and so he usually doesn't have to do anything because they are all so scared of him that they stay very far away and let him do anything he wants. Don't let that guy be too close to any government, that might end really badly. Wine never got severely injured so he doesn't know how high is his resistance to pain. He's not too worried though. Good luck to the cretin who's going to try to kill him lol.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - Coffee never learned how to fight. He knows basic techniques to defend himself, but that's all Wine taught him. Coffee grew up locked in a house, not authorized to leave without his brother, and he ended up believing all of this was normal. It's only once he reached the Surface that he started questioning all of this. He's not very brave or very strong, everything scares him outside, but he's so tired of being considered as the weak little brother of the general of the Royal Guard. Coffee is still learning to be independent. He's not a good fighter and he is not resistant to pain, but he can learn. He's desperate to learn actually. He doesn't want to hurt his brother's feelings, but his objective is to leave the house and have a life on his own, to show Wine that he can do it and doesn't need to be protected. Sure, it's going to be a hard journey, as he has no social codes whatsoever, but he's trying.

[sideprince]

I didn't choose either answer in the poll because I don't think those are the only two options. There's a lot of grey area between culpability and innocence, and I think canon deliberately avoids giving a clear answer on this.

Lupin says in PoA (emphasis mine):

‘Snape had seen me crossing the grounds with Madam Pomfrey one evening as she led me towards the Whomping Willow to transform. Sirius thought it would be - er - amusing, to tell Snape all he had to do was prod the knot on the tree-trunk with a long stick, and he’d be able to get in after me. Well, of course, Snape tried it - if he’d got as far as this house, he’d have met a fully grown werewolf - but your father, who’d heard what Sirius had done, went after Snape and pulled him back, at great risk to his life … Snape glimpsed me, though, at the end of the tunnel. He was forbidden to tell anybody by Dumbledore, but from that time on he knew what I was …’

-Prisoner of Azkaban Ch. 18

Here Lupin is saying that the prank was Sirius' idea and implies James only heard about it later. He says that James "heard what Sirius had done," which implies he wasn't included by Sirius from the outset. It's unclear who James would have heard about it from, although based on this quote, we can assume it wasn't Lupin (who was already in the Shrieking Shack, prepped and ready for Wolf Time). It might have been from Sirius himself, although Lupin's re-telling seems to imply otherwise, but then he has a habit of skirting over uncomfortable truths. It may have been Pettigrew, or it could have been any other student, depending on how prone Sirius was to bragging. On the one hand it's unlikely that Sirius would have mouthed off about sending Snape to the Whomping Willow, given that it would have exposed Lupin and potentially made other students curious, but on the other we see in SWM that James could be careless when talking about Lupin's condition and he and Sirius followed each other's lead a lot, so that may imply that Sirius was careless too:

Wormtail was the only one who didn’t laugh. ‘I got the snout shape, the pupils of the eyes and the tufted tail,’ he said anxiously, ‘but I couldn’t think what else -‘ ‘How thick are you, Wormtail?’ said James impatiently. ‘You run round with a werewolf once a month -‘ ‘Keep your voice down,’ implored Lupin.

-Order of the Phoenix, Ch. 28

Lupin also says in Half-Blood Prince (ch. 16) that James used to refer to his condition as his "furry little problem" and that “Many people were under the impression that [he] owned a badly behaved rabbit.” So there's some evidence that James talked about it in public, which can imply that Sirius did too, though I don't think we see evidence of it in canon. Nevertheless, carelessness like speaking too loudly to your friends while others can overhear is not the same as thoughtlessly telling others outside your friend group about something sensitive. So while I'm putting this forth as a potential option, I don't think it's likely.

Ultimately, however, this is Lupin's perspective. He wasn't actually present at the time when James found out that Sirius had sent Snape to the Whomping Willow, and since Snape glimpsed him in full werewolf form, it seems like Lupin was also in no state to have any idea what a bunch of school boys were doing or discussing, let alone who said what when. Which means his perspective on events is almost certainly influenced by whatever he was told afterwards, either by the other Marauders or Dumbledore. Presumably the disciplinary actions Dumbledore took were done while Lupin was still transformed, given that there was some urgency to making sure Snape kept quiet, but it's likely that once the full moon had passed, Dumbledore would have called Lupin into his office to update him on the situation. It's also likely his friends would have talked about what happened and told him. In addition, since Sirius is in the Shrieking Shack when Lupin reveals the above info in PoA, and James is, well, dead, it's also possible that Lupin - ever the people pleaser - is defaulting to Sirius' version of events.

At the end of the day, we don't really know, and I think there's a reason for this. Snape's understanding of James' role is very different (emphasis mine):

‘And did the Headmaster tell you the circumstances in which your father saved my life?’ he whispered. ‘Or did he consider the details too unpleasant for precious Potter’s delicate ears?’ Harry bit his lip. He didn’t know what had happened and didn’t want to admit it - but Snape seemed to have guessed the truth. ‘I would hate you to run away with a false idea of your father, Potter,’ he said, a terrible grin twisting his face. ‘Have you been imagining some act of glorious heroism? Then let me correct you - your saintly father and his friends played a highly amusing joke on me that would have resulted in my death if your father hadn’t got cold feet at the last moment. There was nothing brave about what he did. He was saving his own skin as much as mine. Had their joke succeeded, he would have been expelled from Hogwarts.’

-Prisoner of Azkaban, Ch. 14

Snape's perspective is that James was in on the prank and helped plan it, but got cold feet at the last minute. This diverges from Lupin's retelling later on in the book, specifically in how it posits James' role in the prank. Snape, however, is also an unreliable narrator just like Lupin, because he's biased against James - and while he has good reason for it, and to have been distrustful of him, this nevertheless makes his own understanding of James' role in the event subjective. He also assumes Lupin was in on the prank as well, based on the phrasing "your saintly father and his friends" where friends is plural, not to mention this confirmation later in PoA in the Shrieking Shack:

‘So that’s why Snape doesn’t like you,’ said Harry slowly, ‘because he thought you were in on the joke?’ ‘That’s right,’ sneered a cold voice from the wall behind Lupin. Severus Snape was pulling off the Invisibility Cloak, his wand pointing directly at Lupin.

- Prisoner of Azkaban, Ch. 18

It's implied by Lupin's recounting of events, however, that he wasn't part of planning the prank and wasn't even aware of it, so we could take that as a hint that Snape's perception is skewed.

It's worth noting, however, that Snape's perspective, unlike Lupin's, is based on a firsthand experience of events. He was the one who was manipulated to go to the Whomping Willow and go through the tunnel, and was therefore present for events Lupin can only retell through having heard about it from others. Even considering this, though, we never see Snape mention clearly who said what to him and when, and he could very well have just made an assumption that if Sirius sent him to the Shrieking Shack, James was naturally involved too even if he wasn't, whether he had any reason to think so aside from previous experience informing assumptions.

So again, like with Lupin, there's no clear answer.

I think these are the only clear mentions of the prank and who had what role in it (but if I missed something then @ me whoever finds more!). The only other time it's touched on by any characters who were around at the time is when we see Lily and Snape arguing in the Pensieve at the end of DH:

‘They don’t use Dark Magic, though.’ She dropped her voice. ‘And you’re being really ungrateful. I heard what happened the other night. You went sneaking down that tunnel by the Whomping Willow and James Potter saved you from whatever’s down there -’ Snape’s whole face contorted and he spluttered, ‘Saved? Saved? You think he was playing the hero? He was saving his neck and his friends’ too!

-Deathly Hallows, Ch. 33

This is even more vague when it comes to James' role and shows that each character has a subjective perspective on what he actually did.

There seems to be a deliberate choice on the author's part to make James' role in the prank unclear. It's the only detail that's inconsistent in various characters' retelling of it. In fact, you could read the conversation between Snape and Lily as having been written with the express purpose of using the prank as an excuse to show these two characters discussing James and their differing feelings on him. James is never present to confirm or deny anyone's idea of him or his role, and I think that's a considered choice in the writing.

The text is saying that the point isn't whether or not James was actually in on the prank. There's no clear answer given as to James' role, which makes me think his role isn't as relevant as the results of the one action everyone agrees he did take: going after Snape to get him out before he was hurt or killed. The point is that each character's view on his role illustrates their relationship to him, so that's where the onus is, not on the truth of what James' actions were before he stepped in to save Snape. This is part of a larger theme Rowling explores throughout the books: it is what we do that matters in the grand scheme of things. As Dumbledore says in Chamber of Secrets, "It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." The text focuses more on the action James takes once the prank is in motion, not on his role leading up to it, and it gives no definitive answer to the latter - I think deliberately.

And whatever conclusion is drawn from that must, I think, include the clear timeline the overall text lays out, in which James assaults Snape after O.W.L.'s even though he's already saved him from the tunnel under the Whomping Willow. We know this because we see that argument between Snape and Lily where the prank is alluded to, which means the two of them still had a flailing friendship, whereas after O.W.L.'s Lily ends the friendship entirely. So there's a comment on James' character being given there, in that despite his willingness to save Snape, he's not become remorseful or friendlier towards him at all, at least not outwardly. So if we're drawing the conclusion that the text is pursuing the theme of choices in its vagueness around James' role in the prank, we also have to look at James' later actions, which show that despite his willingness to save a life, he can nevertheless be cruel and take pleasure in causing others to suffer as long as he can justify it to himself.

Thank you for tagging me, this was an interesting question and I had fun exploring it. My unsolicited advice on all this is: these are characters in a book. If you and/or the snater you're arguing with are using canon to justify opinions you've already formed, I'm not sure what the point is of arguing at all. You're just digging your heels in and trying to find justification for doing so in the text, at which point you're better off prioritizing your mental well being and not arguing with someone who's not interested in listening. Literature is subjective and there's more to be gained from trying to understand what a text is saying objectively, and more importantly to ask why it might be saying it, than to try and glean your own subjective perspective from a text that may or may not share it.

Also I highly recommend getting pdf of ebook versions of the books, or using potter-search.com when trying to find answers in canon. If you need quotes, this is where you can find them easily by using the search features. Relying on your own memory, ie. "as I recall" without confirming if your memory is correct is how canon gets twisted and skewed in fandoms, and if you're arguing with someone who's quoting from the book directly, then either be prepared to do the same or bow out gracefully, in my opinion.

Again, I appreciate you tagging me in this post OP, it was a fun rabbit hole to go down! And I really appreciate your kind words about my meta posts. But it does also feel like you were asking us to do your homework for you, and I've had asks like that in the past and tbh they make me uncomfortable. I enjoy literary analysis and writing meta, but it takes time and effort and I wouldn't ask someone else to do so for my sake just because I didn't feel like doing it myself or didn't have the skills. (And I can understand a sense of urgency when you're in a heated debate, but please also consider why debating fictional characters is causing such a sense of urgency if it is, and whether that's good for your mental health.) Knowing how to think critically and support your opinions with sources (not to mention being open to changing your opinion if the sources disagree with them or just simply go in an unexpected third direction like they did here) are incredibly important skills and I hope you'll use your interest in fandom discourse to develop them. (Also if there's a language barrier I apologize, but that's also something to consider when getting into a debate with someone who doesn't have that - and while that may feel unfair, and justifiably, not to mention relatably as English isn't my first language - it's worth considering whether the issue you're arguing about is worth the energy and angst you're putting into it.)

Also Wizarding World is not a reliable source. You absolutely have to pay attention to the specific language used in every article, because a lot of it is meta and not canon, usually indicated by non-committal language ie. "possibly" "may have" "could have" etc. If it wasn't written by Rowling it can't be relied on as canon. "Last minute change of heart" can have multiple implications and it's always better to go to the source text than to analysis first.

Also my last bit of unsolicited advice: when someone sends you a quote from a text, ask them where it can be found. Book and chapter (page numbers get iffy with digital media because they can change, and with HP there are so many versions that even hard copies make page numbers unreliable). Quotes can be selective, and it's good practice to look them up yourself and see if there's any additional language preceeding or following the quoted text that affects context. Also twitter is a TERRIBLE medium for the conversation you're having with this person.

Hep

I need arguments, quotes, or something that confirms that James knew about the prank

I'm arguing with a snater convinced that James didn't know about the prank, He says James finds out about the prank at the last minute and goes quickly to save Snape.

If you answered yes, pls tell me why.

I'm convinced that he did know, James and Sirius were inseparable. It is impossible that he did not tell him. James probably thought it funny at the time, but as night drew nearer he saw the seriousness of what was gonna happen and the consequences and went to save Snape at the last moment.

I even sent him this quote

"If it hadn’t had been for James’s last-minute change of heart, he could have been responsible for Snape’s death " Written by The Wizarding World Team

And his answer was....

As I recall, there is no mention of a change of heart in the book. I don't know if he doesn't know how to read or what, but in the quote I sent him it's implied that James did know.

But he's very convinced that James is innocent and didn't know anything.....

He sent me a quote from the book, which also does not specify that he did not know. It doesn't say when James HEARD or from who he hear about the prank. "went after" it doesn't say that he went Immediately after knowing it.

Like ok he heart it and went but, it does not specify when he found out or if he went immediately after he found out about the prank to save snape

Tbh I'm very confused

Any comments will be appreciated 🥺🩷🩷

[fanfic-gremlin-ft-trauma]

my best friends sister recently came out as trans and it’s really showing the subtle transphobia and bias around me

it’s never “she came out” or “she’s trans” it’s

“/deadname/ wants to be a girl”

“/deadname/ feels that he is trans”

idk man it’s just really off putting because to me it’s literally just an identity, it’s expression, it’s comfortability, and like, ok yes it’s a change if you’ve known this person as one name your whole life, but it’s just like a surname? if they choose to take the spouses last name that’s what you call them, not that different. pronouns, to be honest, are not difficult to adjust to. sorry, but if you’re ’uncomfortable’ calling someone by their preferred pronouns imagine how they feel. finally comfortable enough to tell people, and now you’re saying “sorry, I’m just having trouble adjusting to calling you by she/her.”

???????? it’s incredibly weird to me. anyway, thought I’d share bc trans people are so so important and even if we’re ‘progressing’ it’s subtle language that can actually hurt the most.

anyway anyway, so happy for her, and I’m glad she felt comfortable enough to come out, because especially where I live that’s not easy <3

[whoatemyshoe]

[spaghett-onaplate]

depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed

[james-elroy]

"I panicked, PJ. I didn't..in that moment I didn't know what else to do. I felt like it was my only choice." His voice pleading with her, hoping she would understand that when he enlisted, it felt like the only choice he had. That it would give him what he needed to support himself, to get out of town for a few years. Had he known that it would wreck things between him and his sister, that he would have been injured so badly- there's no way James would have went through with it. Merely giving a nod of his head as she said what was done was done. They couldn't change what had happened, he couldn't change the fact that he had joined the army.

Seeing her upset made his stomach twist once more. All he wanted to do was pull her in for a hug but part of him was afraid she would shove him away and well, James wasn't for sure if he could handle that if she did. At the mention of their mom again, James gave a shake of his head. "She tried to get me to move back in with her. Said there was no way I could live on my own with all of this-" Waving a hand towards his head. "I refused. I couldn't go back there." James muttered, running a nervous hand through his curls. "I've been trying to live on my own for the last three months-" It hadn't been the easiest thing, especially when there was so much he forgot. But with the help of his friends, he was managing the smallest bit. "I haven't talk to her since I left the hospital." James added a moment later. And with PJ not talking to him, well, that left James with no family. Maybe part of the reason why he had shown up at her place today.

For a second longer, James just simply stood there. Arms hanging back at his sides, eyes still on PJ. And before he could back out of it, he closed the small space between them, giving her the quickest of hugs even though he wanted nothing more than for the hug to last. But he knew he was pushing luck, that PJ didn't want him in her life. "I'm sorry- I know, I know I can never make up for it. And I don't..." He paused, face scrunching as he searched for the words he was looking for. "Don't expect you to forgive me. I get it, I do. I just.. I just needed to see you a least once PJ. But I can, I can go now if you want me to."

PJ was shaking her head at his words, making her feel powerless and frustrated. "You wouldn't have disappointed me. I would have supported you no matter what. Except you did the one thing... I couldn't bare." She wasn't facing him as tears streamed down her face, wrapping her arms around her own body, bottom lip wobbling. "But that's all water under the bridge now and it doesn't matter anyway. What's done is done."

Turning to face him once again, she scoffed when she heard what their mom told him, arms on her waist as she looked up at the ceiling. "Of course she did, she probably played the victim too. And the hero at the same time. Did she take you back now that you weren't flunking out of school? Bet she's all over you, playing the good mom." Her relationship with her mom was never good but it got progressively worst as she grew up. James accident and their fight at the hospital was the last straw between them. As far as she was concerned, she didn't have a mother anymore.

James telling her that he loved her didn't make anything any easier for PJ, it hurt even more. Because if he didn't care about her then well at least she could not care about him right back but she raised him and she knew that what he was saying was true which simply broke her heart even more.

[screambirdscreaming]

Not a coherent thesis here yet but I've been thinking lately about the dynamic of.... people who loved you unconditionally as a kid (or on the condition of being family, which is another weird dynamic) - but as you got older that became strained because you grew into someone they didn't expect and they realized that they did have conditions, actually.

I mean. There are people who had conditions all along, but just didn't mention them until you didn't meet them. And there's people who spent the whole time actively trying to mold you into someone who would meet their conditions.

But there's also people who truly didn't realize that you could grow up into someone that surprised them, that pushed their concepts of normal reasonable people. I think often because they themselves were constrained in their childhoods and mentally closed off whole worlds of options of ways people could be, without realizing it. So they thought kids just sort of naturally grew out of those sorts of quirks and eccentricities. Without realizing how much that dynamic was driven by active suppression, and how weird people could get if you just let them.

There's one such person in my life who has truly tried to grow and learn as this has come up, over and over again. And I really love and respect her for it, even if sometimes its a little exhausting to have to keep pushing at it. Keep explaining, and expanding, and not being hurt by her baseline of confusion that I'm still just.... not someone she knows how to expect. Even after all this time. But she does love me unconditionally. And for her that's the baseline, and she's willing to put in the work to expand her understanding of the world to know what it means to love me for who I am, even if it doesn't always come easily to her.

And then there's other people who run into this same tension and don't know what to do with it. They don't realize that loving you for who you are means putting in work to expand their concept of ways people can be. They don't try to overtly push you into not being like that but they keep holding out the expectation that you will, because how are they supposed to love you being like that? And of course as a kid, a teen, a young adult, you don't really have words for it either. You can feel the tension, the dissonance between the way they openly offer love to you that doesn't seem to fit, and the way they react to with confusion or distaste to parts of you that you can't change, or don't want to. Sometimes to things in yourself you can't even identify. So sometimes you make an effort to hide those things and act like they want. And sometimes you buckle down on being yourself. But neither approach really seems to fill the gap. You can't recieve affection and have it fit at the same time.

And eventually it just feels like you've sort of failed each other. By the time you have the words and self awareness to know what went wrong and where, it's too late to draw the chasm closed.

It's not too late to bridge it. But if we make this effort as adults, with the conditionality of adult relationships, you'll have to see me as I am and accept that - or be a stranger.

It's weird, to be like strangers with people who've known you your whole life.