#even if you don't have it go give it a read its one of my favorite logs in the game

[tulipq]

No one ever states the whole concept of the ship of Theseus. This shit is too fucking long winded. I hope you are all ready for this shit. At least I will use text you can copy paste around!

The full problem with the ship of Theseus is meant to be like a koan that gives you an insight into the unstable nature of identity. That's how I read it. I just wanted to state my current conclusion first, because you can't refute me if you don't know where I am going with this.

My answer is that neither is the original ship. The ship ceased to be itself in the original sense every moment and is actually "close enough to be felt the same by humans at the time" instead of being itself. Identity is unstable. A does not equal A because the notion of A is as a flickering flame in the eyes of its beholder.

Anyway, I am going to cheat in order to make things in a certain way. I will make it clear when this is cheating and not just clever storytelling.

We witness:

A boat maker, and he makes a boat. He also travels with the boat and he keeps replacing parts along the way because wooden boats are like this. He has a little barge or something that he stores all of the cast off part of the boat.

Suppose he is the last original crew member to die. He and his complete boat of boat parts get taken to the cemetery where all of the other original crew members.

Then Persephone notices she has the complete set of one of her favorite little adventuring groups that the muses sing about. She gives them all new lives and even magics the boat parts to be young and unworked material because fuck you this is a greek philosophy parable, I have decided to fuck with how time works. You can tell a version where that does not happen in your response.

Then the ship builder makes the ship parts into the original shape of the ship.

This is completed just as the current crew of the ship, the builder's body road to the graveyard in shows up to bury someone who was not part of the crew when it first departed.

Which ship is the original ship which the builder made? Is it the one with the builder, the crew, and the material that first left in the very same condition as when they left, or is it the one which has experienced all of the changes that happened since it first departed?

If the builder says he believes for sure the answer opposite yours, do you care about that? I do not.

[staroflife]

☆ stop trying, give up! - tough love post ☆

here's a scenario: you learn about the law, and now you decide to "try" to manifest something. you repeat your affirmations endlessly, do all these methods and challenges to help you "try" to manifest instantly, and then a day goes by. you don't see any changes or "movement." you read some posts to see what you're doing "wrong," and then you get motivated and try again. same thing happens: no movement or change in the 3d, so you get discouraged and decide that you don't see anything, so you don't have your manifestation. but you start to enter this endless cycle for days, then months, then years of reading a post on tumblr, getting motivated and excited and hype yourself up about how you are a master manifester, but the moment you tell yourself "oh I don't have my manifestation," you become discouraged and decide that maybe you are an exception to the law. that everyone else on here is getting what they want but you don't see anything in the 3d even though a certain amount of time has passed so you don't have your manifestation.

grow the f*ck up. literally. I'm going to be straightforward with you, as someone who is speaking from experience - yes you did all of this work to manifest what you want, but you decided that you don't have your manifestation, so guess what manifested? you NOT having your manifestation. you did manifest what you decided tho, so congrats!

YOU decide what is happening in your reality. YOU are the one who is deciding what you have and what you do not have. it doesn't matter if its been a week, a month, a year, or even 10+ years. time never matters when it comes to manifestation. if you decide that it takes a long time for you to manifest, it will take a long time for you to manifest. if you think your manifestation is really big and unrealistic and will take a while before you get it, then it will take a while before you get it.

a few months ago I was scrolling through twitter and I came across this account that said to get comfortable with NOT seeing something in the physical world. an assumption, by definition, is a belief that something is true without proof or question. you are working with the law of assumption. let's put 2 and 2 together. you are working with the law of assumption, therefore you do not need to see something in your world in order for it to be true.

you do not need to "try" to manifest something. you never needed to "try" in the first place. you do not need to do anything to get what you want. live your life and do what needs to get done while assuming and deciding that you already have what you want.

the law has no limits. people say the same thing all the f*cking time just in different words. there's literally no reason for me or any other blogger to continue making posts to be honest but here's a summary of the law:

the minute you decide something is true, it simply is. that is an assumption. nothing else matters. time, circumstances, whatever you are experiencing in your life does not matter when it comes to the law. yes you can manifest anything in the world, even if it seems unrealistic or even impossible. you can manifest what you want using whatever techniques or methods you want it does not matter. all you need to do is decide what you want, and assume/accept/know it is true. even if the world tells you no, tell yourself yes.

[gyubakeries]

❆ 𝐠𝐲𝐮𝐛𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 : 𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐬! ❆ | 𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐮 - 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 <𝟑

❆ 𝑑𝑎𝑦 10: making hot chocolate | x.mh

a/n: hi! welcome to day 10 <3 need me someone to make hot chocolate with 🙏 also yes i totally used my username for minghao here in my text imagine too (i wrote this first) - IT WAS TOO GOOD NOT TO

word count: 936 contents: minghao x gn!reader , established relationship , fluff , christmas fun , minghao is silly in this one , bro forgot to meditate , but its bcs hes a simp fr , making hot chocolate , cuddling

you (20:30 p.m) :

hao hao

when are you getting off workkk

its so cold and lonely here without my bf.....

xiaolong-hao💗 (20:35 p.m.) :

ur so dramatic

be there in 10

you (20:38 p.m.) :

hahaha ur so funny

wdym be there in 10

ur office is 30 mins away?

u better not be breaking any traffic laws xu minghao

(read at 20:38 p.m.)

—

turns out, minghao wasn't breaking any traffic laws, because he didn't drive his car home.

instead, he did in fact show up at the door ten minutes later, panting heavily. he simultaneously looked like he just finished the most exhausting workout and like he was two seconds away from freezing into an icicle.

"hao? what the hell!" you exclaim in concern, dragging your boyfriend into the house immediately. you steer him over to the couch and sit him down, rushing over to the thermostat to turn up the heater.

"are you insane? what happened? were you getting chased by the cops?" you fire one question after the other, grabbing blankets to swaddle him in warmth.

once he was wrapped in blankets and his shivering stopped, he spoke up.

"you said you were lonely at home," he says. "and i did say i'll be back in ten."

"are you cra- did you run back home?"

"yes," he gulps. "i ran back home."

you can only gape at him in shock, eyes nearly bulging out of your skull.

"my car's in the shop, so it was either the train back or mingyu dropping me off. but i thought it'd be faster for me to walk-"

"you ran," you correct him. "you're such an idiot, i was just joking! what if you got frostbite or something?"

you don't give minghao any warning before you tackle him into a hug, plopping into his lap. your embrace fills him with warmth, even with the hundreds of blankets (there were only two) separating the two of you.

"i made it alive though," he smiles sheepishly, and you sigh, feigning annoyance.

"you're lucky i love you," you roll your eyes jokingly, now curled up against his chest in an effort to bring him back to a normal temperature.

"i sure am."

—

after you both ate dinner and minghao was showered and warm, he comes out of the bedroom to see you in the kitchen, sitting on the kitchen island and watching tiktoks.

"hey, what you up to?" he asks, coming to stand between your legs and taking a look at your phone.

"i wanna make hot chocolate," you sigh. "i've been craving it for so long but i'm way too lazy to make it."

"you're so silly," minghao nags. "what do you have me for?"

"you'll make me some?" you gasp, eyes lighting up.

"of course i will, love," minghao smiles, his smile only growing wider when you lean in to hug him and press several kisses of excitement all over his face.

when you were done with your kiss attack, minghao grabs a saucepan, and you grab the milk, cocoa powder, dark chocolate and some vanilla extract for him.

the ingredients are set next to the stove, and minghao pours some milk into the saucepan, enough for the both of you. you busy yourself with hugging minghao from the back, watching the milk come to a slight boil before he adds cocoa powder and stirs till the mixture is smooth.

he then adds the dark chocolate and a bit of the vanilla extract. you inhale contentedly when the rich aroma of chocolate fills the kitchen. soon, minghao is pouring the hot chocolate into two mugs, when you remember the most important ingredient.

"marshmallows!" you exclaim, going to the pantry to get the big marshmallows you had bought at the store earlier that week for this exact reason.

you add a generous amount of marshmallows to both the mugs, smiling cheerily as you add a few extra to your mug.

"all done?" minghao asks you, and you nod, so he places both the mugs on a tray and carries it out to the living room, setting it down on the coffee table. "let it cool for some time, or you'll burn your tongue."

"yes, grandma," you tease minghao, and he simply raises an eyebrow at you, his expression saying, 'really? grandma?'

while you wait for the hot chocolate to cool a bit, you both share stories of what happened in your day. you told minghao about the annoying receptionist at your office keeps sending you flowers and won't accept the fact that you're taken, and minghao has new gossip about a love triangle forming between his colleagues.

as you catch up with each other, the mugs of hot chocolate warm your cold palms, and its contents slowly start emptying out. soon, it's just you and your boyfriend, snuggled up against each other, finishing the last bits of your hot chocolate and enjoying each other's presence.

"i'm glad we get to spend another christmas together," your voice is barely louder than a whisper, but with how close you are to minghao, he can hear everything.

"i'll spend every christmas i have left with you," he replies, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head. "i love you."

"i love you too, hao," you hum.

(minghao eventually has to pry the empty mug out of your hands when you fall asleep in his arms, just to avoid any accidents.

he decides that he'd walk through the coldest of nights to get to you, as long as it meant that his heart would feel this warm just with your love.)

- fin.

divider made by @bernardsbendystraws !

main taglist: @min-imum @sousydive @k1eev @livelaughloveseventeen

series taglist in comments!

@unlikelysublimekryptonite @theidontknowmehn @baseball-dokyeom @wonuwrites

@t-102 @aaa-sia @cixrosie

comment on this post to be tagged on the upcoming fics!

head to the series masterlist - here <3

head to the masterlist for more!

[silentstaresfanficandfanart]

a reminder to all translators: YOU ARE AN ARTIST!

Translation work *is* art, and it's truly incredible what you do and you touch so many more lives than you realize- and often, those who's lives you touch with your translation work never realize just how much thanks they owe you, but from the bottom of my heart I want you all to know how grateful I am for all people in fandom and outside of it who translate things, those who do it professionally, those who do it for fun, what you do cannot be replaced by a machine, yes maybe it can give a literal translation but it cant really offer any of the human experience or creative choices that actual translators put into things! TO ALL MY BELOVED ANIME AND MANGA LOVING FANS ESPECIALLY i want to remind you to show some love to translators who make it possible for us to enjoy our favorite shows, as well as a special thanks to those who make fan translations of anime openings or things that never recieved an english translation! Pokemon fans you guys should get this especially, remember those guide books that answered so many questions we've had in the west that only got translated thanks to fan efforts and translators who were paid to translate some of the earliest guide books? Naruto fans! If you dont know, but you might, theres also a naruto radio show that theres translations for online that we ONLY have acess to because of fans efforts!

Don't get me started on all the people who make translations and EVEN SING THEM! remember how amazing some of those anime song translations and make them *actually singable?* Don't forget that doing that is a very creative act too! and people who translate fan comics!!!! or fanfictions!!!! please! appreciate them! It takes so much skill to translate the experiences of one culture into another, to make it understandable and meaningful across cultural and language barriers and to make it sound good on top of it all.

Tonight I cried reading an old translation of harmonia, one of my favorite naruto endings, it's 15 years old now, and i used to listen to it and sing it (with the help of that translation) with one of my little sisters, and its one of the only happy memories I have from that time in my childhood.

and so many other magnificent translators filled my childhood with wonder and joy, giving me the meanings of songs that changed my view of the world and helped me cope with hardship, and grow into a person i'm very proud of being.

Thank you, you'll never know just how many lives and hearts you touch. You are loved, you are appreciated, and anyone who thinks your art form can be replaced by a machine doesn't understand language well enough or culture well enough to know just how difficult it really is to capture the essence of someone elses art and I think in many ways, translation is a field where that which we call the soul of an art piece is most tangible, and can be most clearly seen, as it takes human experience and conscious choices based on an actual understanding of the real world and life itself to express that which is human in art. thank you, so so much for all you do.

i could go on for hours, but this is all to say, thank you

and if you THINK you can be replaced by machine translation please just go through an ensemble stars fan comic through google translate its utterly incomprehensible-

[khorneschosen]

Just tell me to kill myself like an adult you product of barely contained propaganda. Also telling me about how much you like dead men is kind of pointless I don't see it as an act of defiance, I see it as pathetic.

Pro tip, just reference rather than just rehashing huge undigested chunks of my writing. Have some respect for.... The people I assume who like to read their opinions told back at them but done some how poorer, and just reference what I said.

Im sure if they read, which is a major assumption on my part, that they could if they were as smart as you think they are, understand it.

Security, safety, control over their husbands and family. As I said. It was referenced previously in that thing which you rehashed but did not read.

If you think Im going to make an exception for the goat fuckers, you are mistaken. They hate everyone, men women children, the only true citizen of a theocracy is god and he barely even uses those rights.

I know all of this is lost on you because you are unable to conceive of an existence different from the one youve been told.

Id invite you to a mental exercise on the subject but I doubt exercise at all.

Again, you have to say "women didn't do that" because you recognize it does in fact make sense and as I said, it has as much evidence for it as your system does. Nothing I described was wrong or atleast it can't be disproven.

Put away the accusations woman. Hysteria isn't a weapon here and its not a defense. Its a tactic and only works if I give into its standards. I don't. I see you fully and that is worse.

Don't you think its odd you have to act like this in defense of your ideas? Don't you think the way you are going about this is wrong?

Like read what you've written and ask yourself, would this convince me if I wasn't already convinced? What are you appealing to? What even is the point of this. I think you know it won't convince me. So what's the goal?

I know the goal. I can tell it to you if you like. It's something your philosophy doesn't openly talk about, few of your kinds of philosophies do. Its about how your own mind is wrong.

why do women always have to be the bigger person? why don’t men just stop “joking” abt raping us?

[starsenha]

[27] ABOUT THE BOY - the plan

synopsis: You were the queen of Decelis University. Everybody worshipped the ground you walked on. You were used to having what you wanted when you wanted it. Until the day when park sunghoon arrived, and things changed. wc: 5k tw: use of nicknames, mention of toxic relationships and hurt, kissing, making out, sunghoon is so sweet and so fluffy

a/n: im so sad it's the end already 😭😭 abt the boy is my baby im so sad it's over. anyways, i really hope you like the ending and that it answers any question u might have (if it doesn't im really sorry and don't hesitate to dm me or ask in my inbox!!) thank you for all the support this had, I never thought it would be so successful but im so so grateful 🤍🤍

Sunghoon met Jay outside of Yizhuo’s house. It was one of the biggest mansions he’d seen, outside of yours, of course. Jay was waiting for him, his hands jamming in his pockets and he gave his friend a big grin as soon as he got out of his car. Bur something felt…off. 

‘’Okay, you seem really…happy. That’s suspicious,’’ Sunghoon said, raising an eyebrow. 

Jay’s grin faltered for a second. ‘’Suspicious? Me? I’m just pumped for a chill night with my favorite bro.” He threw an arm around Sunghoon’s shoulders and guided him toward the entrance. “Come on, man. Don’t overthink it.”

As they entered, Yizhuo greeted them with her signature smile. “Welcome, guys!” she sang, waving them in with a flourish. Her house, with its high ceilings, gleaming floors, and a ridiculous number of chandeliers, was practically a palace.

Sunghoon glanced around. “Where’s everyone else? I thought this was supposed to be a party or something?”

Yizhuo shrugged, looking entirely too nonchalant. “Oh, they’re just… on their way. But don’t worry about them,” she said, giving Heeseung a quick, sly glance.

Sunghoon frowned but decided to roll with it. Yizhuo could be a bit eccentric sometimes, so he wasn’t going to read too much into it.

“Actually,” Yizhuo continued, “while we’re waiting, I’ve got the perfect room for you to, uh, relax in.” She motioned toward the guest room down the hall. “It’s super cozy.”

“Um… okay?” Sunghoon followed her lead, though he couldn’t help but feel like something was slightly off. Yizhuo opened the door to the guest room, a beautifully decorated space with large windows, plush seating, and soft lighting.

“Here you go!” she said cheerfully, giving him a little push inside. “Why don’t you settle in and get comfortable?”

Before he could say anything, the door clicked shut behind him. Sunghoon turned, hearing the unmistakable sound of a lock.

“Park Jongseong!” he called, pressing his hand against the door. “Did you just lock me in here?”

Jay’s muffled voice came through the door, trying and failing to sound casual. “Oh, uh… must’ve been a… draft! Or something. Don’t worry about it, bro. Just chill.”

Sunghoon’s eyes narrowed. “Seriously?”

On the other side of the door, Jay turned to Yizhuo, unable to contain his satisfaction. “He’s in,” he whispered with a grin, giving her a high-five. “Now we just wait for yn. She’s never on time, is she?”

Yizhuo smirked, leaning against the wall next to him. “Fashionably late, as always. But hey, once she gets here… things are about to get interesting.”

Back inside the guest room, Sunghoon sighed, finally letting himself sink into the absurdly plush armchair.

“Guess I’ll ‘chill,’’’he muttered, rolling his eyes.

About twenty minutes later, you arrived at Yizhuo’s house as usual, not even bothering to knock. After all, it was like your own home at this point. You barely had time to shake off the cool evening air when Yizhuo and Jay appeared around the corner, grinning in a way that could only described as suspiciously eager. 

“Finally, you’re here!” Yizhuo said, practically bouncing on her heels.

“You’re late as usual,” Heeseung added, smirking.

You raised an eyebrow, glancing between the two of them. “Okay, you guys are being way too cheerful. What’s going on?”

“Oh, nothing,” Yizhuo said airily, waving her hand. “But hey, since you’re here, could you check something for me in the guest room? There’s… um, an issue with the—uh, the light fixture.”

You narrowed your eyes, suspicious but deciding to humor your friend. “The light fixture? Really?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Yizhuo nodded, clearly trying to hold back a grin. “You know, just… making sure everything’s perfect for tonight.”

“Right,” You said slowly, casting Jay a dubious look. But Yizhuo was your best friend, so with an exaggerated eye-roll, you headed down the hall toward the guest room. “If this is some lame prank…”

“Oh, would I do that to you?” Yizhuo replied innocently, exchanging a quick glance with Jay.

You pushed open the door to the guest room, stepping inside cautiously. But as soon as you were fully inside, you heard footsteps behind you. You whirled around just as Yizhuo and Heeseung reached the doorway.

“Surprise!” Yizhuo said with a wink, and before you could react, they gave you a gentle push, closing the door swiftly behind you with a loud click.

You pressed her forehead against the door, muttering a string of curses. Then you turned around, your irritation quickly transforming into shock as you realized you weren’t alone. Sunghoon was sitting in an armchair near the window, looking just as surprised as you were.

“Sunghoon?” you said, narrowing your eyes.

‘’Great,’’ he sighed. 

Your expression turned icy, and you crossed your arms, leaning back against the wall, as far from Sunghoon as you could manage in the small guest room. Sunghoon, still processing the abrupt situation, glanced at you with a mixture of frustration and hope, though he could already tell from your stance that this wasn’t going to be easy.

“Look,” he began, trying to sound calm, “I know you’re not thrilled to be here, but can we please just talk?”

“Don’t come any closer,” you cut him off, your voice sharp as you shifted slightly away from him, making it clear you wanted nothing to do with proximity right now.

Sunghoon stopped mid-step, sighing deeply. “Are you really going to stand there and act like nothing bothers you? That’s not you.”

“Actually,” you replied coolly, “this is perfectly fine. Just don’t make it difficult, alright?”

Sunghoon clenched his jaw, frustration seeping into his tone. “Right. Of course, nothing’s ever a big deal to you.”

You shrugged, your gaze drifting to the wall, as though the room’s decor was far more interesting. After a pause, you added with forced nonchalance, “I just hope you’re happy with Chaeyoung. She’s the one you wanted, right?”

He blinked, caught completely off guard. “Wait… what?”

You let out a small, bitter laugh, still not looking at him. “Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I know you two are back together. It’s not like it matters,” you continued, your voice carrying an edge. “You don’t owe me anything. We were never official or exclusive, remember?”

Sunghoon let out a short, humorless laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. “Is that what you think? That I’m back with Chaeyoung?”

“I saw the picture, Sunghoon,” you replied, your voice cold. “Don’t make me look like an idiot.”

Realization dawned on Sunghoon, and he couldn’t help but chuckle softly, finally understanding the root of your attitude. Was that why you shut him off completely? “That’s why you’ve been avoiding me? Because you thought I was back with Chaeyoung?”

Your jaw tightened, a flicker of annoyance in your eyes. “Don’t laugh, Sunghoon. It’s not funny.”

“It kind of is, actually,” he replied, unable to stop the small grin forming on his face. “Yn, I’m not back with her. I was meeting up with her to tell her that I’ve moved on. That I don’t want her back.”

The icy wall around you seemed to crack just a little, though you tried to keep your face indifferent. “Moved on?” she echoed, almost reluctantly.

“Yes,” he said, his voice softer now as he stepped just a little closer, though still keeping his distance out of respect. “Moved on. I thought you knew.”

“Well, how would I know that, Sunghoon?” you shot back, a hint of anger mixing with something much more vulnerable. “You didn’t exactly… clarify anything.”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I wanted to, but you’ve been avoiding me, Yn. Cold texts, ignoring me on campus, and then when I finally get a chance, you’re always ‘busy.’”

You looked away, biting your lip, unwilling to admit how much it had all hurt. “I was just… trying to keep things simple. We weren’t anything serious.”

“Don’t do that,” he said, his voice firm but pleading. “Don’t push me away just because things got complicated. You can’t keep acting like none of this matters to you.”

“And why not?” you challenged, finally meeting his gaze, though your voice wavered slightly. “Maybe it’s easier that way.”

“Because it’s not the truth,” he replied, stepping closer again, his voice softening. “Yn, I know you better than you think. This isn’t you.”

You shook your head, frustration and vulnerability mingling on your face. “You don’t know me as well as you think you do, Sunghoon.”

“Then tell me,” he begged, his voice barely a whisper. “Tell me what you’re feeling. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere. Just… talk to me.”

You were silent for a long moment, struggling to keep your walls intact, but under his gaze, you felt them start to crumble. Finally, you let out a shaky breath, unable to meet his eyes.

“I… I’m scared, Sunghoon,” you admitted, your voice barely audible. “I don’t want to go through that again.”

He felt a pang of confusion mixed with concern when the words left your mouth. He knew you had a past relationship, but you’d never really opened up about it, and the raw fear in your voice now was unlike anything he’d seen from you before.

“What do you mean, ‘again’?” he asked softly, watching your face for any hint of vulnerability. “Yn, what happened to you?”

Your expression immediately shifted, your guard snapping back into place. You crossed her arms, your posture growing defensive. “It doesn’t matter,” you replied, your tone colder. “Can we just drop it?”

Sunghoon took a deep breath, frustration simmering but tempered by his care for you. “Yn, I don’t want to push you, but you keep shutting me out. How am I supposed to understand if you don’t let me in?”

You turned your back on him, staring at the door as if you could will it to open. “Sunghoon, just leave it alone. It’s not important.”

“Not important?” he echoed, his voice a mix of disbelief and desperation. He moved closer, his hand reaching out but hesitating just inches from your shoulder. “You’re scared because of something that happened to you, and you’re acting like it’s nothing. I need you to trust me. I want to help.”

You closed your eyes, feeling the pressure build up inside you. Part of you wanted to push him away, to keep the past locked up where it belonged. But another part of you—the part that had started to believe in him, the part that actually loved him—felt your resolve crumbling.

“Please, Yn,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. “Just… let me in. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.”

Your shoulders slumped, and you turned your face slightly away, swallowing back the words that clawed at your throat. “It’s not… it’s not something I want to talk about,” you said, your voice strained. “Just drop it, okay?”

But before you could fully turn away again, Sunghoon gently took hold of your shoulders, guiding you back to face him. His gaze was intense, a mixture of desperation and affection, and you felt your heart racing under his stare.

“Yn, please don’t shut me out,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. And then, without another word, he leaned down, capturing your lips in a kiss so intense it left you breathless. It was desperate, filled with all the words he hadn’t said, all the emotions he hadn’t yet expressed.

You hesitated, your hands hovering in the air, caught between pushing him away and pulling him closer. But as his lips moved against yours, the warmth and need in his kiss started to melt the icy walls you had put up. Slowly, almost reluctantly, you let yourself lean into him, your hands finding their way to his shoulders, clutching him like he was your lifeline.

Sunghoon’s hand slid up to cup your face, his thumb gently brushing your cheek as the kiss deepened. And as much as you wanted to keep your guard up, you found herself yielding, your resolve slipping away with every second.

When you finally broke apart, he rested his forehead against yours, his breath coming in shallow, ragged gasps. “Yn,” he whispered, his voice filled with so much tenderness it made your chest ache. “Please. I just want to be there for you.”

You looked up at him, your gaze softened, vulnerable in a way you rarely allowed yourself to be. And in that moment, you felt something you hadn’t felt in a long time—a glimmer of trust, a sliver of hope.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” you murmured, your voice barely audible. But even as you said it, your hands remained on his shoulders, holding him close.

“Then let me help you,” he whispered back, his fingers gently tracing your jaw. “One step at a time. Just… don’t shut me out again.”

He gently guided you over to the small couch nestled in the corner of the guest room. He sat down beside you, keeping one of your hands in his, his thumb tracing soothing circles over your skin. His gaze was filled with a rare tenderness, a quiet understanding that made you feel both exposed and safe at the same time.

“Talk to me,” he said softly, his voice steady and patient. “Whatever happened… I want to know. Let me in.”

You looked down, your fingers gripping his hand as you struggled with the words. You had buried this pain so deeply that the idea of unearthing it felt almost impossible. But something about the warmth in his touch, the way he looked at her like he genuinely wanted to understand, made you feel that you could trust him.

“It was… it was a long time ago,” you began, your voice barely above a whisper. “I was in high school, young and… naive, I guess.”

Sunghoon nodded, giving your hand a gentle squeeze. “Go on. I’m listening.”

“His name was Sunwoo,” you continued, your tone thick with old pain. “He was older than me by a couple of years. Our families knew each other, and my dad… he wanted us to end up together. He thought we’d be this perfect match, two ‘well-matched’ families. My dad practically saw it as a done deal.”

Sunghoon’s jaw tightened, but he said nothing, letting you continue at your own pace.

“We started dating when I was in high school,” you continued, her gaze fixed somewhere distant. “I thought he was everything I wanted. He was my first love, and… I was so young. So stupidly, blindly in love.”

You took a shaky breath, and he squeezed your hand again, his thumb still moving in gentle circles.

“But Sunwoo… he was… well, he was a mess. A total fuckboy, honestly,” you said, your voice tinged with bitterness. “He cheated on me. So many times. And every time I found out, I forgave him. I made excuses for him, telling myself he’d change, that he cared about me.”

Sunghoon clenched his free hand into a fist, anger flashing across his face, but he kept his grip on you steady, silent encouragement in his eyes.

“It was humiliating,” you admitted, your voice barely audible. “Everyone knew, and I still took him back every time. I convinced myself that he loved me. And maybe he did, in his own twisted way. But I let him hurt me over and over because I didn’t know any better. I thought that was… just how love was.”

You took a deep, trembling breath. “Then he graduated. And I thought… I thought we’d finally be okay. That maybe we’d make it work. But instead… he broke up with me. Publicly. In front of everyone. He called it off like it was nothing, made some joke about how he’d ‘outgrown’ high school relationships.”

Sunghoon’s eyes flashed with anger, his hand tightening around yours. “He humiliated you? In front of everyone?”

You nodded, swallowing hard. “I couldn’t believe it. I felt like such a fool. I’d been so blind. After he left, I… I fell apart, Sunghoon. I stopped eating, stopped sleeping. I lost so much weight. I couldn’t focus on anything, and my grades started slipping. My dad didn’t get it; he just thought I needed to get over it and move on. But it felt like everything I believed in had shattered.”

He reached out, gently brushing a strand of hair away from your face. “I’m so sorry, princess. He didn’t deserve you. Not then, not ever.”

You met his gaze, surprised to find your own eyes brimming with unshed tears. “I thought I was over it, you know? But sometimes, the hurt… it’s still there. It’s why I don’t let anyone get too close. I swore I’d never feel that way again.”

Sunghoon’s face softened, and he held your gaze, his own eyes filled with a fierce protectiveness. “You didn’t deserve that. No one should ever make you feel that way. And I promise you… I would never do that to you, Yn. I’m here, okay? I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

A tear slipped down your cheek, and he wiped it away gently with his thumb. For the first time, you felt the weight of your past beginning to lift, replaced by a sense of comfort you hadn’t felt in years.

The room felt heavy with everything you’d just shared, but in the middle of it all, he could feel one thing so clearly, and he knew he couldn’t hold back anymore. He took a deep breath, squeezing your hand gently as he whispered, “YN… I love you.”

Your eyes widened, shock crossing your face as his words sank in. You opened her mouth as if to say something, but no words came out. Your heart was pounding in your chest, and you could hardly believe you had heard him right.

“What… what did you just say?” you asked softly, your voice barely above a whisper.

Sunghoon smiled, that gentle, steady smile that always seemed to make everything better. “I love you, princess,” he repeated, his voice filled with a warmth and sincerity you had never experienced before.

Your heart skipped a beat, the weight of those words settling over you like a gentle blanket. No one had ever told you that before—not like this. The only other person who’d ever made you feel loved and cared for was your brother, Mingyu. But this was different; this was deeper, intimate in a way..

A soft, almost disbelieving smile spread across your lips as you gazed up at him, your fingers lightly tracing his jawline. “You… you love me?”

He nodded, his thumb brushing over your cheek. “I do. I love you.”

A rush of emotion overwhelmed you, and you leaned in, capturing his lips in a heavy kiss. It was a slow, gentle kiss, but one that grew warmer and deeper with each passing second. His hand slipped to the back of your neck, pulling you closer as his lips moved against yours, tender yet insistent.

As the kiss deepened, Sunghoon shifted slightly, guiding you so you were nestled against him. His fingers tangled in your hair, and he let out a soft sigh against your lips, pressing you closer, his other hand steady on your waist. It was as if he was filling every broken pieces of her. 

“Princess,” he murmured between kisses, his voice rough with emotion as he pulled back just enough to look into your eyes. “You don’t have to be afraid anymore. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

Your heart swelled, and you managed a soft, breathless laugh. “You’re so… cheesy.”

“Only for you,” he whispered, a teasing smile on his lips, his thumb brushing against your lower lip as he leaned back in.

You kissed again, slower this time, savoring every second, every touch. You felt herself relax completely, letting go of your fears and doubts as you leaned into him, losing yourself in the feeling of his arms around you.

His hands slipped to your waist, drawing you closer still, and you could feel the warmth of his breath against your neck, his lips leaving a trail of kisses that sent shivers down your spine. You let your fingers explore his shoulders, his back, every inch of him grounding you in the moment, before he came back to attack your lips. 

As you kiss deepened, your fingers curled into the fabric of Sunghoon’s shirt, and without even thinking, you murmured, “Hoonie…”

Sunghoon froze for a moment, pulling back just enough to look at you, his lips breaking into a soft, surprised smile. He hadn’t heard that nickname from you in so long, and the sound of it from your lips stirred something deep within him.

“What did you just call me?” he asked, his voice tinged with a mixture of surprise and delight.

Your cheeks flushed, but you couldn’t help but smile back at him, feeling warmth spread through your chest. “Hoonie,” you repeated, letting the name roll off your tongue with a playfulness you’d kept guarded until now.

His grin grew wider, and he leaned back in, pressing a quick, tender kiss to your lips before pulling away just a little again, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “Say it again,” he murmured, his voice soft and almost pleading.

“Hoonie,” you whispered, smiling as you said it, your tone teasing as you leaned in to kiss him again, letting the name linger between them.

Sunghoon chuckled against your lips, his arms wrapping tighter around you. “You have no idea how much I missed that,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

You couldn’t help but laugh softly, the sound muffled as they kissed again, slower. “Hoonie,” you murmured again, smiling into the kiss, your fingers tracing patterns along his jawline. “Hoonie… Hoonie…”

He let out a soft laugh, his forehead pressing against yours as he held you close. “You’re just teasing me now.”

“Maybe,” you replied with a smirk, brushing your lips against his once more. “But you asked for it.”

“Well, I’m not complaining,” he whispered, his voice a mixture of tenderness and joy as he kissed you again, his lips finding yours over and over. Each time yous said his name, each time you whispered that soft “Hoonie,” he felt his heart swell a little more.

After what felt like hours wrapped up in each other, you and Sunghoon finally exchanged a glance, a quiet understanding passing between you. “Maybe… we should head out?” you murmured, your fingers still laced through his.

“Yeah,” Sunghoon replied, though he didn’t look entirely ready to let go of you just yet. “But knowing Jay and Yizhuo, they might actually keep us here forever if we don’t show up soon.”

You both laughed softly as you walked over to the door, Sunghoon reaching out to turn the handle. To your surprise, it turned easily, swinging open without resistance.

“Wait… was this door unlocked the whole time?” you asked, your brows knitting in confusion.

Sunghoon looked equally perplexed, glancing back into the room as if expecting to find some hidden prank. “Are you kidding me?” He shook his head, letting out a soft chuckle.

Together, still holding hands, you made your way down the hallway and your the main living room. But as you turned the corner, you stopped dead in your tracks, both of their eyebrows shooting up in surprise. There, against one of the walls, were Yizhuo and Jay, locked in a steamy make-out session that was definitely not meant for public viewing.

You and Sunghoon exchanged a smirk, unable to hold back their amusement. You cleared your throat loudly, and Yizhuo immediately pulled back, her face flushing with embarrassment. Jay, however, looked entirely unbothered, his arm still casually wrapped around Yizhuo’s waist as he shot them both a mischievous grin.

“Well, well, well,” you teased, raising an eyebrow. “What do we have here?”

Yizhuo’s cheeks were flaming red, but she managed a quick smile. “Okay, okay, you caught us. But I’d say you two should’ve been more than busy yourselves.”

Sunghoon squeezed your hand, smiling at you before turning back to Yizhuo and Jay. “I’d say we’re pretty good,” he replied, grinning.

Yizhuo’s eyes lit up, and she looked back at you, her voice softening. “Are you guys okay?”

You glanced up at Sunghoon, your face breaking into a warm smile as you nodded. “Yeah,” you said softly. “We’re okay.” You squeezed his hand as you spoke, your own smile mirroring his.

Yizhuo’s face broke into a wide grin, her embarrassment forgotten. “I’m so glad to hear that! I was really starting to worry about you two.”

You smirked, raising an eyebrow as you nodded toward Jay. “So… what about you two, huh?”

Jay flashed a smug grin, tightening his hold on Yizhuo. “Oh, we’ve been together for a few weeks now. Officially, anyway,” he said, clearly unfazed by the sudden attention. “Guess we didn’t make it as obvious as we thought.”

Sunghoon laughed, genuinely happy for them. “Yeah, I had no idea! Congrats, you two.”

You nodded, your eyes twinkling as you looked between them. “Really, I’m so happy for you both. It suits you,” you said, glancing pointedly at Yizhuo, who was still blushing furiously.

Yizhuo grinned, tilting her head as she looked pointedly back at you and Sunghoon. “Well, it suits you too, Yn. You guys look good together.”

Sunghoon smirked at that, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind, pulling you close in a playful back hug. He leaned his chin on your shoulder, his grin both smug and affectionate. “Hear that, princess? We look good together,” he murmured, giving you a little squeeze.

You rolled your eyes, though you were clearly fighting a smile. “Oh, please, don’t let this go to your head, Hoonie,” you teased, your voice warm but your expression feigned with indifference.

He chuckled, pulling you even closer. “Too late,” he whispered in your ear, his breath warm against your cheek. “I’m already the luckiest guy in the world.”

You couldn’t hide your smile any longer, and Yizhuo squealed, practically bouncing on the spot. “This is the cutest thing ever! Look at you two, all ‘we’re not official’ to completely inseparable!”

Jay smirked, crossing his arms as he looked at Sunghoon. “So much for your ‘no feelings’ rule, huh, Hoon?”

Sunghoon rolled his eyes but didn’t let go of you and you knew he would now never let go. “Yeah, yeah. Guess I’m a little too whipped to care,” he said, not even attempting to hide his grin.

You tilted your head back to look up at him, your smirk teasing. “A little too whipped? That’s the understatement of the century, Hoonie.”

He pretended to pout, leaning down to brush a quick kiss to your cheek. “You like it, though.”

“Maybe,” you murmured, your smile softening as you looked up at him.

Yizhuo clapped her hands, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “Look at my best friend being all lovey-dovey. Who would’ve thought?”

“Certainly not me,” you laughed, still nestled comfortably in Sunghoon’s arms, feeling warmth spread through you as you exchanged a knowing smile with him.

Jay chuckled, reaching for Yizhuo’s hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “Guess we’re all a little whipped tonight.”

And for the first time, none of them felt like they needed to hide it. As Jay and Yizhuo started to make their way to the living room, chatting and laughing together, you were about to follow them, but you felt Sunghoon’s hand slip into yours, stopping you in your tracks. Before you could turn around fully, he gently pulled you back against him, wrapping his arms around your waist, and leaned down to brush his lips against your ear.

“Wait a second,” he whispered, his voice soft and full of warmth. “Can’t let you go just yet.”

A warm shiver ran down your spine at the sound of his voice so close, and you felt herself relax into him, your hand instinctively reaching up to rest on his arm. “We’re going to lose them if we stay here,” you murmured, though there was no urgency in your voice.

Sunghoon chuckled softly, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of your neck. “Let them go. I just want you for a minute.”

You smiled, tilting your head to give him a little more space, your eyes closing as you savored the feeling of his closeness. “Only a minute?” she teased, her voice light.

“Well, I could ask for more,” he whispered, his lips now at your cheek as he trailed soft kisses along your skin, making your heart race.

“You’re being awfully sweet,” you said, turning around to face him, your hands finding their way to his chest. “Not that I mind.”

He grinned, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, his gaze soft. “You deserve a little sweetness, princess,” he said, his voice barely above a murmur. “After everything… I just want to make sure you know how much you mean to me.”

Your cheeks flushed, your usual confidence softened by the sincerity in his eyes. You could feel herself melting, a smile spreading across your face as you looked up at him. “Sunghoon…”

Before you could say anything else, he leaned down, capturing your lips in a soft, lingering kiss, his hands gently holding you close. The world around them seemed to fade, and in that moment, it was just the two of them, their kiss deepening as if they were the only ones who mattered.

After a long moment, you pulled back, laughing softly as you glanced toward the living room. “Okay, we really need to go before they come looking for us.”

Sunghoon sighed dramatically, his hands still resting on you waist. “Fine,” he whispered, stealing one more quick kiss. “But don’t think you’re getting away that easily later.”

You rolled her eyes, grinning as you took his hand and started to lead him toward the living room. “Come on, Hoonie. Let’s not keep everyone waiting.”

Hand in hand, you walked to join their friends, the warmth of his touch still lingering as you settled into the cozy happiness of being together.

previous / m.list / next

TAGLIST: @arimiukpop @eleanorheartschishiya @i03jae @beomsitez @hoonatic @rep-hoon @invuzzn @naoyiie @sunhyeswife @sophi-eee @heeseungismymanz @istglevi-gotmesimping @jiaant11 @lakoya @noname-123s-things-blog @roslayy @nyfwyeonjun @aehrizone @serenadehera @starry-eyed-bimbo

[raichukfm]

I played Undertale recently. My favorite character is Chara. No, I didn't kill anybody. I am going to go on about them, now.

Spoilers for Undertale, all the routes. "It came out nearly a decade ago!" Yeah and I first played it last week and was happily surprised by the sheer amount of things I hadn't been spoiled on, so. Have a courtesy warning! Also courtesy warning: Too many fucking words. I'm sorry.

As a preface: Undertale really genuinely touched me. I bring this up as a preface because I think it's important to why it is exactly I feel how I feel, and that is important to how I perceived Chara.

And it having such an impact honestly surprised me; Undertale seemed cute and fun but silly and something I had felt… prepared for? Like, inadvertently, from hearing about it and its characters for so long. And for some parts early on, I was, at least in part. I liked Sans and Papyrus from the start, but in the way that I liked a gimmick, and it took time for the enjoyment to get more and more… not genuine, it already was, but I can't find the word I'm looking for. I guess it struck me with less artificiality? It started actually getting to me. This was happening throughout the whole length of things, like, I really genuinely liked Toriel basically from the start, but the farther in I got the more it was happening. Actually, looking back, the intro cinematic really hit for me in a way that should have clued me in that this game was going to get me.

Because I really connected with Chara as the character I was playing as, to an extent that honestly really surprised me? It felt emotionally resonant. Admittedly, naming Chara the way that I did probably did a fair amount of lifting there; I used a nickname of mine that isn't used that often. I think that hit more than it would have if I had used one of my first names, since it was distant enough to easily have differentiation while also close enough to feel so immediately personal. Chara is someone where most things with them are up to interpretation, but I just had a specific interpretation readily and naturally come to me.

Of course, I knew the Chara and Frisk distinction beforehand, and that informed my interpretation pretty heavily; but I hadn't really heard much of anything about Chara other than the Genocide Route stuff, prior. I mostly saw them treated as like some pure evil nasty may-as-well-have-been-demon. I hadn't been reading like narraChara theories or anything (amazing name, 10/10 whoever coined it). I just landed there naturally. When Undertale was giving the early hints that Chara had actually come before the human you played as, like in the garbage dump, it only amplified those feelings.

My read was that I as the player I was, largely, controlling Frisk's actions, but seeing Chara's thoughts. Every time I saw or heard memories, they were Chara's. But I don't think Chara was in control of the body or anything. I think Chara was there tagging along as an observer, at first not sure what exactly was happening or understanding why; but linked to Frisk's SOUL and so having Frisk's feelings resonate through them. So, they decided to help. They not only lent their lingering Determination but also just tried to help Frisk stay determined in the normal sense. But that was what they were doing: Not acting, but watching Frisk's actions and feeling their feelings.

And in my playthrough, Frisk was a dogged pacifist who was very reluctant to even slightly hurt anyone and very willing to put themselves into terrible danger because of that. And I think seeing that, feeling the feelings behind it resonating with them, made Chara a better person. A profoundly better person. Just in itself, the way it would anyone, but… Here's an example of the best of humanity, that same humanity they despised. Here's someone willing to refuse violence even if it puts them at risk of dying, even actually dying once before they discovered they could LOAD even after death, if they remained determined. Someone who again and again and again takes attacks and doesn't fight back unless it's absolutely necessary, who sees a whole people that have time and time again just tried to callously kill them and keeps choosing to help them. To trust them, and reach out to them, again and again and again, and who each time is proven right. Even when there's nothing to reach out to but dead human children whose SOULs had been absorbed for power by an entity whose power was represented in their SAVE by the highest numbers expressible there.

I think seeing all of that really challenged Chara's worldview in general and view of humanity in particular. I think they understood that they had been wrong, and done wrong.

And then Frisk goes back one more time to set things right and save everyone. Chara is there experiencing what Frisk is feeling as they go through that lab, as they learn about Determination... when they find those videotapes and learn about how Chara died intentionally, hoping to wreak violence on humanity and then break the Barrier. And Chara learns that Flowey was their adoptive brother, all along. Sees with what must be horror what has become of sweet little Asriel, knowing that this only happened because of then. Understanding what Asriel chose in the end, why he chose it, and now seeing what trying to make up for that 'mistake' had done to him. And Chara sees Frisk try so hard to save him, even after everything he's done, just because he's another person. And Chara does everything they can to help Frisk, together mustering enough Determination to deny death itself, as many times as needed, until Frisk does it. Reaches out to Asriel and helps him to get over what happened enough to stop fighting, to start to heal, to give up on godhood... To use a moment of unity to bring down the Barrier without needing to hurt anyone else.

And Chara watched their brother realize that Frisk isn't them, and that that is good. That Frisk is a better person, and one whom Asriel wishes he could have had in his life before, as he admits to himself that Chara wasn't a good person. And Chara lets go. They let Frisk and everyone else go to their happy ending, while they stay behind.

And then Asriel and Chara have one last moment, in the game. Chara comes back and Asriel, even once again lacking a SOUL, cares enough about everyone else to ask Chara to let them be happy, to not tear them away from everything. But Asriel doesn't trust Chara, and so asks that if they are going to rip them out of their happy ending… do it to him too. Don't make him sit through everything repeating. Don't make him become deadened all over again by seeing everything play out over and over and over again in countless variations. And then he imagines that this exchange has happened again and again and again and Chara must be tired of hearing it. Because that is what Chara would do, isn't it?

But Chara doesn't say anything. Maybe they can't, maybe they just choose not to. Instead, they let their brother say goodbye to them. And then they choose to let go. Chara couldn't be the one to save Asriel; it had to be Frisk. Once Frisk has... What waits for them and their brother… I don't know. But I hope they can be happy. I hope they got their closure. And, maybe vainly, I hope they can find some way to have each other again, but healthily this time. But that's for them, not for me. Maybe one or both choose to let go entirely and fade away, return to the death that had once taken them. All I've got is hopes for the future of these people that aren't even real.

Immersion is a powerful thing, huh?

...

So, about the Genocide Route. There's a lot of characterization for Chara there, and some for Asriel too. I know people tend to read the Genocide Route as Chara taking Frisk over and unleashing their preexisting violent impulses, but I really don't think that's right. I don't think that route shows what Chara was like before much at all. I think the Genocide Route is what happens when Chara finds themselves brought back from the pall of death, given some sort of second chance, and all they can do in it is watch Frisk murder everyone they encounter. When they see their mother get murdered in cold blood, and can feel how little Frisk cared about her while doing it. When all they can feel when it happens is that sick sense of pleasure at an accomplishment. When they're forced to find some kind of meaning in that, some reason for why they were brought back and made to be complicit in this, some purpose to this existence.

And they find it. They find it in their idea of numerical invincibility, and they cling to it. And they are abraded down until all that's left of them is their worst impulses stripped of context, magnified, and then redefined under the light of this 'purpose'… and that sick sense of accomplishment. More and more, Chara wears down to this thing that only cares about power and violence, and more and more Chara loses their sense of distinction from Frisk, sees these actions as their own; or maybe they become more and more able to exert control of the actions as they redefine themselves to be better at wielding power. Either way, Chara murders their father. Chara murders their brother. Then Chara destroys humanity, not even out of hatred, but simply for the sake of power. They destroy all the monsters they missed, too. Only power matters; the gaining of it, and also the exercise of it for its own sake. The only thing they don't destroy is Frisk, their reliable partner, the one who showed them their purpose. The one they are perversely grateful to, but will betray the moment it suits them, now that they have the power to do so.

I've heard a lot about how this is criticism of RPG players, and I can see that but more and more I don't think that the purpose of this is to moralize, or at least that that's not the only purpose. Because this shows Chara become their worst self, this epitome of power in a husk of a person. Someone who wasn't a great person from the start falls to horrific depths. And then they can't climb back out. You can't help them out. Chara defines themselves as Numbers Go Up because after all this trauma from the first moment that their plan went awry and Asriel held back their powers, and they both died a second time… All they have refuge in is that belief in invincibility. Chara believes you can escape suffering if you become the strongest thing in the world. And so Chara does just that. And it's all they can hold onto, because it's the only thing holding them together.

But really they're just another lost soul who you no longer have the power to save or comfort or bring positive emotions to, someone tricking themselves into thinking they're an unfeeling demon beyond sentimentality just to feel like they have some control, so they can delight in exercising power over others without guilt or regret.

Frisk can give them their SOUL and Chara doesn't change, doesn't really feel anything more, no matter what Frisk shows them. Because they've closed their heart to those feelings. You can't take this back. You can't save them. They're the only person you can't save. Sometimes, when you hurt people you make them worse and you can't be the one to help them after that. And you can't cheat. Whatever you do… Chara remembers it. You can't just take it back, can't do it over. You can only look on in horror at what Chara has become and accept or deny your fault in it.

In the Pacifist Route… I think Chara feels something like that when learning that Flowey was Asriel all along, and knowing it was their fault.

It's easy to blame what Asriel became on the lack of his SOUL. But I really believe that's not what it was. Maybe that does dull feelings, but you don't need a SOUL to love, to care. We see that, with Asriel-as-Flowey asking Chara to leave the others to their happy ending. We can see it in how Chara, at their worst, gets a SOUL and gets no better. How Chara, with a SOUL, does not understand the sentimentality still held by the player who has already given up theirs. Flowey didn't become a monster because of the lack of his SOUL. He was a traumatized little kid who couldn't get his life back, couldn't get his sibling back, but had the power to evade consequences and abused it to try and cope until it further wore down his ability to care. So he retreated to seeing things as less than real to cope with it all, resorted to cruelty and vindictiveness just to feel something.

Where Asriel as Flowey makes a performative show of his petty cruelty and vindictiveness, Chara dresses it up with dispassion and a veneer of objective judgement. But, deep down? They're the same. If you don't let yourself feel anything you can't be hurt.

The Genocide Route isn't some creepypasta about a demon taking over an innocent. Nothing so convenient as that. Because the point is that you choose to do it. You do it, and you choose it every step of the way, and only at the very very end does it become too late to turn back. So it fits it better, I think, if it's not about Chara corrupting Frisk... But about you corrupting Chara. Whether that you is Frisk, or you the player, you make someone who was a bad person to start with so much worse.

Asriel was pressured and manipulated by Chara and became a worse person for it, and then retreated to the toxic ideology of "kill or be killed" to cope with that and further trauma, as well as denying his own emotionality in an attempt to make himself invincible. And in the Genocide Route, Chara does the exact same fucking thing. A different toxic ideology, that the only thing that matters is acquiring power, a different mask to deny their emotions which is impassive rather than irreverent, but so similar. Beat for beat. Even down to the fact that Asriel still idolized the person who hurt him, considered them special, the only person worth caring about: Chara wants you to come with them to conquer and destroy new worlds, considers you the perfect partner, doesn't kill you even when you try to resist them, even keeps remaking the world for you when you ask despite already getting your SOUL the first time. You showed them the truth of their existence, after all, even without meaning to. Just as Chara showed Asriel that this world is kill or be killed, even without meaning to.

So… Knowing that all of this could happen…

It adds a lot, I think, to the Pacifist Ending. To Chara getting better, growing as a person and helping everyone, learning they were wrong about the world and humanity, and letting power go. Letting Frisk go. Letting everyone go. Hearing out Asriel's grievances with what they did and accepting them. Just being happy that Asriel could be saved along with everyone else, before the end, despite the negative impact they had had on him and how coming back as a flower no one recognized as him fucked him up even worse.

I just like those two poor siblings, and can't help but be sympathetic to somebody young making a nasty plan with good intentions but without a real appreciation for what they were doing. I am so glad that such a tragic and awful thing got better the way it did, amidst everyone else getting their happy ending. And I think Chara just gets me so much because they become so much better than they were to begin with, and because I felt I was there with them. Immersion is a powerful thing. But maybe even more than that... It's that Frisk doesn't save Chara. Frisk can't save Chara. Frisk can just give Chara the chance they needed to save themselves.

[anxietycheesecake]

There's something so "performative" about the finale, not sure how to articulate it. I mean, it's been like that for a while, but there were still sincere moments every now and then (probably from the cast putting all their actussy into it). It wanted to make a statement so bad, regardless of whether you think they were mocking us or not. "I'm not a normal sitcom, I'm a cool sitcom, like Seinfield. I don't fit in and I don't want to fit in. Have you ever seen my characters evolve? Oh... Oh... No, you haven't! I artificially took that back every single time! That's cool."

They wanted to remove the sense of a plot and a purpose that season 3 and partially season 4 gave it so hard it's like they couldn't think of anything else. It's funny because it's pointless and unsatisfying, even though we have managed to balance raunchy comedy and emotional scenes just fine before. It's easier this way and it get us Reddit praise. But here's the thing, it wasn't even that funny. Season 1 was just sitcom shenanigans and dark comedy and it was hilarious. Like, when was the last time you physically bent over in laughter while watching this show and are you sure it wasn't because the actors were making a funny voice or a funny face that absolutely wasn't scripted?

But I mean, all that aside, I think it's just cringe. It's giving "how you doing, fellow kids?" It's overdone and so eager to be disruptive it ends up being anticlimatic. "That's the point! We were trying to be anticlimatic!" Ok, bro, you're either a shit writer because you couldn't come up with an actual conclusion or because you genuinely thought that'd make good tv.

Comparing wwdits to Seinfield is like when wannabe great American novelist says he's writing the next Great Gatsby. No you're not. And I don't mean this as "wwdits isn't worth shit compared to actual high art sitcoms such as Seinfield" (I actually liked it better when it wasn't trying to become Seinfield); it's just... There's already a Seinfield. And there was already a wwdits that had found its footing and its voice and was doing a near perfect balancing act between comedy and drama, while keeping it humor-focused at all times. Your story is yours but when my book was starting to sound a lot like The Girls by Emma Cline minus the ABSOLUTE LITERATURE of it (arguably the best thing about The Girls), my mom was like "this not you, girl, what are you doing?" And that was MY MOM, not some random people on the Internet who are a small portion of the people who put food on my table (hopefully, heh -pay writers better, bitches >:(-). Like, dude, you're in your 40s, how can you be this petty?

At the end of the day, it was just petty. It read like fanfiction a troll would write. And they can try to gaslight us into buying it was actually such a smart move and amazing writing, but we know the truth. "We've thought about six possible endings for Guillermo's arc and haven't decided on one", "We kind of just come up with things that might be funny and work them into an episode"; things being said about a show one its fourth and fifth season. Absolutely valid, of course, but you can just admit you bit more than you could chew and wanted an easy way out. We get it, it's your job, do whatever you need to get that (far too small) paycheck, but don't put a "subversive" label on it and call it a perfect ending.

And if you're so willing to disrespect your fanbase or convince them they were watching a completely different show mere three years ago, for fuck's sake, commit to the bit and at least make it entertaining. Characters just spelling out things that are going to annoy the fans or prove to them it was silly to care about the shit and fart show for half and hour? THREE TIMES? Dude, you can be more subtle, media litecary's been dead for a while now. It's not unfunny in the sense that it's offensive; rather it was offensive how deeply unfunny it was. How can you manage to be this dishonest while doing everything in your power to make yourself seem even more dishonest??? smh

[thatgirlwithasquid]

ooo okay this looks fun (and i am procrastinating like a bitch rn so...)

Hm, I'm not sure. Maybe The Naming of Hobbits by @andhumanslovedstories? It was one of the first fics I read when I got into using AO3 and I remember it giving me a good giggle. I really should go back and reread it. It must've been years since I've read it by now... And yet I still think of it fondly as 'that funny The Hobbit fic' so it clearly left a very good impression :)

So many. So many make me cry. I've reread Time Falls Away by @not-close-to-straight like three times I think? And each time the line 'I don't know this part of the story' has me UGLY SOBBING. Love it. Absolutely an amazing read. I still haven't worked my way up to the third fic in the series cause the emotions are still too strong rn, but I am very excited for whenever I finally do! I also gotta mention All Is Fair In Love by @stranger-awakening cause OH MY GOD nothing has ever hurt me like this fic hurt me. The pain. It just kept getting worse. It was so good but I needed frequent breaks when reading cause the emotions were So Much. I'm also just realising I never kudosed that fic and OMG I AM SO SORRY. I was too caught up in the throes of agony, I apologise!!

My comfort fic is definitely Petey and Wade discuss the proper way to go about vigilantism (and maybe they fall in love too) by @isadancurtisproduction. I have read that fic at least once a year since I first came across it. I love it so much, it's insane. It may even be my all time favourite fanfic

I am gonna have to say Rapture by mia_ugly on AO3. I read it out of morbid curiosity and I have not been the same since. This is the fic that introduced me to this type of time travel fics, where the time travel muddies the relationships and makes everything angsty and confusing and secretive. It is my FAVOURITE kind of angst and I have read multiple other fics with the same trope since. I adore them <3

Oh, 100% @sheena-is-a-punk-rocker. Since I read all your quinnflag fics and loved them so much I started on my own quinnflag wip. Started off thinking 'how would they have gotten together before The Suicide Squad?' like they are in your The Suicide Squad but Rick and Harley are already dating series (which is such a fun read and deserves all the love!!) and my wip has become its own thing from there :)

Lol I'm not the best authority for this since I do not read much fic for either of my main fandoms (sorry Stranger Things and The World of Mr Plant!) but I definitely think @kittyphoenix12-xx's work deserves so much more love. I need to read more of your fics, babes, cause the ones I have read are SO good. I TREASURE that cunningway fic you gifted to me, and getting to beta a couple of your works was such an honour. I especially loved the stars look down and know, cause it's so so sweet!!!

Good question... Commenting, I guess. That's the obvious answer. And I really need to work on it myself (and I'm trying!!) but we could always do with more commenting. Authors love seeing it so we need to do our part more (which is why I'm tagging the authors in this despite being a bit nervous about that lol, cause you guys deserve hearing how wonderful I think your fics are :) )

I really don't know. I don't like telling people not to do things cause I think that's just rude. Fanfic is for fun, and if you like doing something that someone else thinks there's too much of then fuck them! Have fun with it cause that's all that matters. I see people complaining about certain things from time to time and just think 'well... you could just... not?' Maybe that's what I wish there was less of in fandom: people feeling the need to make a fuss when they don't like something, cause most of the time when I see it it's over the most non-problem things.

Alternative Fic Recs

Fic recs are a great way to introduce people to stories you love. But instead of a list, you could try this format instead? I've tried it before and I really liked it, as it made me think about the fics I've read differently.

This isn't a tag game or an ask game. You can copy, repost, reblog, share and edit this at will if you're looking to do a fic rec :)

The fic that's made you laugh the most?

What's a fic that makes you cry?

Your fave comfort, silly fic?

The fic that made you try a genre or a trope you wouldn't normally read.

An author that's inspired your own fic writing (if you're an author), or your TBR list (if you're a reader).

Your fave "underdog" fics/authors in your fandom(s). Those that you feel are underappreciated and deserve some love.

What's one thing you wish writers/readers/the fandom did more of when it comes to fanfiction?

What's one thing you wish writers/readers/the fandom did less of when it comes to fanfiction?

[utilitycaster]

Inspired actually by me nonstop thinking about the Young Witch Solving The Disappearance Of Her Neighbor's Cat In The Alps tweet since last night and a number of other unrelated posts I have been thinking about the concept of maturity in media, because I think there's a lot of different dimensions to that. It's a series of spectra, rather than a binary, and if you use the terms "mature" or "immature" you can quickly realize that a lot of our societal metrics for what's adult-appropriate vs. child appropriate are very skewed in specific and in my opinion untrue and unhelpful directions. This could honestly be a 10 page essay and I may very well write that when I'm on break but just to give you my outline here:

Stimulation - is it grabbing your attention with bright lights and loud sounds and fast action, or do you have to actively focus? Action films can be just as "jangly keys" as children's animation despite being an "adult" work, whereas something like Mad Men can have vivid colors but would bore a child to tears in terms of pace and action. However, and this will be an ongoing theme, you can have a very choppy, fast-paced narrative that is complex and a very slow and dull one that is incredibly simple and childish.

"Ratings" Subject Matter: Sex/Violence/Profanity. This is the one I think is most misleading, because you can have an incredibly puerile R-rated film, and you can have an immensely complex narrative without any of the above. [note: I have zero patience for people who act like sex and violence are inherently unnecessary wastes of time; they are merely things within a narrative that can be executed well or poorly, but it is true that something can have a simple plot and constant bright lights and stimulation and essentially be big old jingling mobile for infants but there's a sex scene in it so it's Adult Now. Unfortunately a lot of people are like "and this is why YA is inherently better" which we shall see is not the case.]

Other Difficult Subject Matter (I don't have a good name for it, but to give examples, death, racism, genocide, abuse, serious or chronic illness, etc). This one is tricky because all of the above are topics present in works for quite young children, because they can experience all the above or have someone close to them experience them, and fiction is a powerful teaching tool. Obviously the nature of how this is presented varies, and later points will cover it, but while in my opinion the simple presence of these topics says nothing about the work's level of maturity on its own I'm including it because you do get people who think that children should be shielded from all the above and would consider the mere inclusion of those topics as inappropriate. They're wrong, but it's definitely an axis of judgement/categorization that exists.

Adult-level processing of information (probably a misnomer in that teens can do this but like, teens read adult books all the time, and as Tumblr has shown us, many adults cannot do this): does the narrative require you be able to pick up on subtext? Do you need to understand what is relevant to the story and what isn't? Do you need to be comfortable with or at least able to tolerate not knowing entirely what is going on right away? Do you need to have a sense of irony? Is there an unreliable narrator?

Adult-level processing of moral complexity (in my limited, not a parent or educator experience, I honestly think teens do better with the information processing than this, ie, this is one of the last things to develop; also Tumblr is even worse): does the narrative require you accept that sometimes things are unfair and will never be fair? Do you need to accept a story in which the Quote Unquote Bad Guys walk free without real consequence? Do you need to accept a story in which no one's actions are entirely defensible or in which no choices are easy and clean and harmless? Do you need to attempt to understand an alien perspective? Is there senseless tragedy? This incidentally is how you separate out the children's books from the adult books on topics like illness or catastrophic events; a lot of children's books end with a message of "it's hard and sad, but it will be okay eventually" and focus on very relatable POV characters which is understandable! But, to use an example as someone who went to a Jewish school with a robust Holocaust education, elementary schoolers read Number the Stars in which the (entirely fictional) Jewish family escapes to Sweden; middle schoolers read Night in which Wiesel's (real) father dies painfully in front of him.

None of this is to say that escapism/cozy fiction/whatever you want to call it is bad - I am not interested in a diet entirely made of thorny moral quandaries and no happy endings. I enjoy a stupid turn off your brain action movie, or a fluffy romantasy. But I do think that a demand that every ending be happy and that Justice Be Served in every story is no less immature than saying "ew, there's kissing in this???"

[fanficbrewery]

How veil guard characters react to you sleeping on Assan headcanons

i've had this idea in my head for awhile now so i decided to go ahead and do it instead of waiting for requests lol

the intro takes place after the siege of weisshaupt where yall haven't confessed yet but the tension is there its kinda long you don't have to read all of it but i was excided to write it.

GN reader

Intro:

your head aches with an unbearable pain that comes and goes, maybe you were hit in the head by one to many darkspawn but you shouldn't be surprised, weisshaupt was hard one everyone not just for you. ....Weisshaupt... the screams of all the wardens dying replays in your head. Those people signed up to fight the blight and dark spawn not a god let alone 2.

Seeing Davrins defeated face at every new warden body you stumbled across makes you feel guilty. guilty for disturbing Solas's ritual and causing the gods to break free. Guilty for Davrin and Lucanis going at each others throats for messing up. You should have payed more attention to your team, made sure they were ready for this fight. But both Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain walked away alive. You replay the entire battle in your head over and over again trying to figure out what you did wrong with little success.

The blinding pain in your skull returns once more, You roll to your other side in your bed hoping to find a more comfortable position to sleep in. The pain shoots from one side to the other making you sigh. "Well this isn't working" you say, getting up from your bed with difficulty. you stumble into the hallway to the railing of the second floor of the lighthouse. Quiet.. everyones asleep.

you push open the doors to the light house and step into the light of the fade. Right.. time doesn't move here.. its always light outside, your never gonna get used to that. As you suspected no ones awake its quiet almost to quiet. your starting to wonder why you came out side before

*squawk* you look around and see the young griffon standing a little away from you, right outside Davrins room as always. The little griffon tilts his head at you like asking what your doing up. "Hey Assan" you walk over to him, sticking out your hand to pet him, scratching behind his ear just how he likes. You realize just how soft his feathers are, your starting to get sleepy just petting him.

before you can get up to try to go to sleep again Assan gently bites on of your fingers before laying down almost trying to get you lay down with him. Does he know your having difficulty sleeping? is he smart enough to realize that?. He looks at you with these puppy eyes purring and gently gnawing on your finger. Aw what the hell he might just help you sleep. laying down on the hard ground and using Assan as a pillow is the last thing you remember before slipping into sleep

Bellara

Working on the Nadas Dirthalen was tiring. she had been working for HOURS trying to ask the right question and getting the spirit to cooperate with her but she's had no luck

maybe getting something to eat will help? yeah getting a snack sounds good. and then maybe a nap.

she leaves her room, walking to the kitchen when..

was rook curled up with Assan? or was she seeing something else in her peripheral?.

Turning around to see you sleeping with Assan is the cutest thing she's seen in awhile

after Weisshaupt she was honestly worried about you. She thought you might be taking what happened hard and blaming yourself for Ghilan'nain getting away but if it wasnt for you, you guys wouldn't have even killed her archdemon

she's happy your getting rest you deserved. you've helped her and the team so much she knows you deserve the rest and she doesnt dare trying to wake you up

she quickly goes to her room and grabs a blanket she wasn't using and carefully drapes it over your sleeping body, giving Assan a pet while he's asleep to

she gush's about how cute you are once more before you going back to her room to sleep herself, forgetting all about her snack

Davrin

when he wakes up the first thing he noticed was that Assan wasn't at the foot of his bed like usual. Where has his feathery companion gone?

getting up and seeing his door open was the first sign of trouble, when the hell did Assan learn to open doors??

he gets outside and immediately starts scanning for Assan

when he finds him he definitely didn't expect to see you as well

he comes over to inspect what's going on he finds you fast asleep face first in Assans feathers

he'd be lying if he said his heart didn't skip a beat or two

Davrin likes you, he hasn't tried to be subtle about it either. One of the things that draws him to you is how good you are with Assan even if he thinks you spoil him to much

seeing you like this with Assan might just solidify that fact for him

he decides he cant just leave you sleeping on the ground like this. Assan might be comfy but the ground beneath you sure isn't

he picks up your sleeping form despite Assans complaining squawk and takes you up to his room, Assan following close behind.

he lays you down on his bed. Assan jumps up and lays down right by your feet. "cute" Davrin thinks to himself

you didn't even stir when he picked you up, you must have been really tired

....maybe its because of weisshaupt or what happened after it.

he should go apologize to Lucanis, take something off your plate. he stands up walking to the kitchen leaving you to rest.

emmrich

he had been up late looking for any information he could find about the hand of glory you all had recovered from the Necropolis

it was old magic now a days forbidden from being preformed so his knowledge on it was limited

he had sent Manfred to recover a book he lent to Bellara awhile ago now. What is taking him so long?. Did he get lost around the light house perhaps?

he walked outside the light house to see Manfred hovering over something. His skeletal form blocking Emmrich's view but he could see somebody laying on the ground

was somebody hurt?!. he ran over to assist but it was just you sleeping on Assan

while he was happy you weren't hurt he thought that surely there were more comfortable places to sleep then on a messy griffon

*hiss* Manfred let out a concerned hiss while pointing at your sleeping forms

"yes i see them Manfred, what shall i do? i don't think sleeping on Assan is very sanitary but i don't wish to disturb their rest"

he asked Manfred Not expecting much of a reply. He already knew what he was going to do

he reached down gently shaking your shoulder. "rook, dear, wake up"

you wake up already missing the little sleep you were able to catch. "oh uh hi Emmrich" sleeping on Assan probably wasn't the best idea, your back was already hurting.

"rook are you alright? why are you sleeping on the ground?" his face was full of concern "i uh couldn't sleep I guess Assan looked to comfy"

Emmrich sighed at your response "rook do you remember me offering to teach Bellara some breathing techniques to help her relax?"

"yeah i do why?" you responded still a little disoriented

"why don't i teach you some as well to help you sleep of course. Manfred could make us some calming tea as well" he offered his hand to help you up

"actually... that be really nice Emmrich..thanks" Emmrichs face got hot at your sincerity but covered it with a smile

"of course rook its nothing, now lets get you inside"

you both walk into the light house Manfred trailing behind leaving a grumpy Assan outside

Harding

"Mmmm..Ahh" Harding stretched, standing up from her bedroll

she was finally starting to get used to having dreams now. Even starting to feel well rested after waking up

she was planning on going to Rivain and training with the lords of fortune to keep practicing her new magic. Weisshaupt was hard and she wanted- no needed to be better for the next fight with the gods

she wonders if maybe you would like to come with her. She knows you took Weisshaupt hard, it was hard for everyone but she cant even imagine what your feeling right now

it would be fun to get you out of the light house and doing something that wasnt trying to save the world

she leaves her bedroom, walks into the light house, up to your room and.. your not here? huh weird maybe your in the kitchen

she leaves and walks up the steps past the workshop and that's when she sees you and Assan

"... oh my gosh rook are you sleeping on Assan?" she chuckled walking up to you and Assan seeing you completely knocked out

... you looked so peaceful sleeping and pretty too..... ok she's just being creepy now isn't she

when she was in the inquisition she worked as a scout, she's slept on grass, rocks, pavement, and sometimes even trees. She knows that no matter what it ends in a hurting back and neck. It'd be best to wake you up now

"hey..hey rook" she gently shook your shoulder waking you up

"huh- oh uh hi Harding"

"morning sleepy head, what'cha doing sleeping on Assan?" she asked smiling down at you

"i uh couldn't sleep but Assan is just really soft" Harding giggled "well if you keep doing that your back is gonna hurt like hell, come on ill try making you some coffee, and ill make you my ham and jam slam"

"thanks Harding id love that" you stand up. Yup Harding was right your back is starting to hurt already

"I was also going to go to the lords of fortune to train again you should come with me yeah?" she asked walking to the kitchen

"yeah id like to spend some time with you Harding" ".....me to!" Harding replies smiling at you as you both walk into the kitchen.

Lucanis

he hasn't slept. All he can see in his head is Ghiln'nain. He was so close. There was no reason for why he missed. He was sure he could do this. "A crow never fails a contract." Those words from his grandmother replaying in is head from before she..

He's survived this night using coffee, he's on his fourth cup now. He needed to stay awake to make sure spite cant take control. Everyone should be awake by now, time to get ready for the day.

he leaves the pantry into the kitchen and starts to make a large pot of coffee for everyone. What should he make for breakfast?. His mind wonders to you. Maybe he should make your favorite breakfast but... oh he cant remember what it is.

cant kill, now he cant remember what else cant he do.

maybe he should just find you and ask what you'd like for breakfast

he walks outside and spots you and Assan immediately. strange.. what were you doing.

walking over he's able to tell your asleep. Your even breaths and eyes closed peacefully gives it away but why were you out here sleeping on the floor and not in your bed?

*sniffs* "smells like...guilt, regret, and the sting of failure" ah great he's awake. "What are you talking about?" he asks as the demon of spite materializes beside him looming over your sleeping form

"rook! obviously!. The old stench of failure is intense" ..."failure of what?" "WEISSHAUPT. they think they failed usss" "it wasn't them that failed it was me i had her so close.. and i missed"

"not to them no.. to them they should have fought harder, saved more, helped more!"

you shouldn't feel like this. it was him that failed. You were the only reason he even got close to Ghilan'nain.

He bent down reaching out to you. "NO DONT WAKE THEM" "why?" he pulls back surprised by the demons insistence "they just fell asleep despite the pain.. let them sleep" "why do you care spite?" "I like them... much more than i like you" He sighed looking back at you

he reach forward and brushed a piece of you hair away form your face. he stood up. "Where are you going?" "to make breakfast"

he'll wake you once breakfast is ready. And he'll work harder to make sure you don't have to feel guilty ever again.

Neve

notes, notes, and more notes. They were littered all over her desk, floor, and on her bed. As cute as they were the wisps had been no help, she even caught one trying to take her notes out the window into the fade.

She had slept very little with the idea of Aelia being back in Dock Town plaguing her mind. She needed to catch her before she caused more chaos but she had ran out of leads awhile ago.

Sitting here isn't going to help. But Coffee might. Then she can go into Dock Town and talk with some contacts.

Walking out of her room she spotted you and Assan immediately. She chuckled to herself, walking over to the two of you. "Well isn't this sweet" no response, "Rook?" still nothing

it was then that she noticed your closed eyes and even breaths. Why were you sleeping out here?. Just then Assan opened his eyes cooing softly at Neve

"hey Assan what are you and rook doing sleeping out here?" he squawked quietly in response. "Really?" she was talking to the griffon like she understood him, a Habit she picked up recently

"well come on Assan ill give you a treat or two before Davrin wakes up". When the griffon didn't follow her she was surprised, he's usually very food motivated.

she sighed crouching down to his level, scratching his chin.

She glanced over to you, noticing the heavy circles under your eyes. It was about Weisshaupt wasn't it?. You were much easier to read then you think.

as time passed you awoke groaning, sitting up and feeling pain shoot up your back. "Ow..." "morning sleepy head". Startled you look beside you to see Neve sitting on the ground Assan's head in her lap, drinking a cup of coffee

"oh uh hi Neve how long have you been there?" "long enough to notice you snore in your sleep. Had trouble sleeping?" she asked Taking a sip of her coffee " yeah I guess i just fell asleep on Assan but- did you stay here with me while i slept?" she turns her head away dodging the question completely and stood up.

"come on i made a pot of coffee for everyone. You should come down to Minrathous with me, ill treat you to some of Hal's fish fry" she said, walking to the kitchen. If you had been able, you would have seen the dark blush she was hiding with a smirk as she walked away.

Taash

they were sitting on the floor of their room, wraping the last rope of the Dar-saam ritual around their arm. They stood up and took a deep breath before walking out of their room.

They had another thing to do for their mother. "Taash, shokra toh ebra" the words from their mother was always in their head. They would probably be hearing more of it from her through out the day.

Walking out of the light house they weren't even able to take a step before noticing you on the ground. Taash walked over to you sleeping body. "you good?" they didn't get an answer. "...Are you asleep?".... That was a dumb question obviously you were asleep, but on the ground? seriously? that's gonna kill your back when you wake up.

Looking around they thought, should they take you to bed? the grounds pretty uncomfortable no matter how peaceful and cute you looked sleeping on Assan.

Before Taash could process their thoughts they were already picking you up from the ground, trying their best not to wake you.

They pushed the light house doors open with their back and quietly climbed up the stairs. Until one of them creaked to loudly and you immediately began to stir form your sleep.

"what- uh Taash?" "....sup" "what are you doing..?" Taash looked away from your face and instead faced off to the side "taking you to bed.. duh" "but why?" "sleeping on the ground is gonna kill your back. So im taking you to your room." they said very matter of factly, continuing up the stairs.

"... you could have just woken me up you know" you said heat rushing up on your checks. They were holding you like you were nothing more than a few grapes. "Yeah but then that defeats the purpose of you sleeping in the first place"

now you were at you room. Taash slid the door open with their foot, walked in, and laid you down on the couch that had been acting like your bed.

"hey im.. sorry that i woke you" They refused to meet your gaze "no its ok! i probably shouldn't have been sleeping on the ground anyway" "yeah.. next time you can't sleep just come to me, i can make you some tea... do you prefer lavender or ginger?" Taash finally looked at you, a small tinge of pink on their checks. You smiled "surprise me yeah?.. Thanks Taash"

the pink on their checks grew deeper "no problem" they smiled back at you before leaving your room. Leaving you to rest.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HOLY SHIT I FINALLY FINISHED THIS. It genuinely took me 3 days to write this. Because this is my first fanfic i wanted to put like maximum effort into this and i really hope you like it.

just a reminder my ask box is open so feel free to send in a request and i will write it for you

other than that i hope you enjoyed and see ya next time

[wings-of-ink]

Hello! I’m new here and I haven’t read the story yet but I’ve been living in the comments and I for one love the crap stick the MC has gotten none stop! Its so, realistic🙂‍↕️

Life don’t stop giving you L’s but as long as you got a support system that, we’ll supports you(everybody in this story/MC life)the tuff times are deal-able. I love how everyone is just so caring in their own way I’m Biting My Hands!🫠

I’m for sure going to read this when I’m off! Thank you for your hard work!!

Welcome Nony! I hope the comments have treated you well, and indeed, MC is getting the stick, lol. That probably won't stop anytime soon. I mean, I'm sure things will get better. But even if they don't, MC has a good support group to fall back on.

I hope you get a good break soon, my dear, and enjoy your read. ^_^

[moregraceful]

Saw an old picture of Cooch playing wordle with the sharks equipment manager and I have got to ask. Is he a word games guy. Was he pulled into it or do you think he instigated. Does he have a NYT games account.

There is no reason you should know but I feel like your augury will be closer than anyone else I can think of (or at least more fun)

WELL. He had a book club during the pandemic so canonically he can read and loves to share literacy. And Wordle is a good game not just because it works your brain but also bc you have a limited number of chances before you legally have to go to idiot jail, which for a man as chronically depressed as Cooch, it does feel like he would enjoy the challenge. I bet he has an NYT game account. I bet bro loves the honey comb one.

This is giving me a perfect excuse to talk about one of my favorite articles from Corey Masisak's tenure with the Sharks: the Sharkies' lil nerd ass bookclub. You may have read this already bc you've been in these trenches but here are my favorite excerpts. There's a lot of Reimer in the article and while I don't care for the man or his politics, he does have some fascinating insight into why the Sharks are cringe nerds (so much travel time)

He likes to share books with guys on the team!! He's the team librarian!! Drop your book talk Cooch I wanna see something. It actually tracks because every librarian I've ever worked with was deeply and chronically mentally ill. This is why we need more mundane workplace aus that aren't coffeeshop aus.

in my sexiest imagine, Logan is an extremo depressed burnt out librarian and Thomas Bordeleau is the guy who has to do community service due to getting arrested for idk stealing a doctor's prescription pad and starting a black market estrogen prescription economy. And now he has to just, teach Bordy how to read so Bordy can pull holds. And its not making Logan less depressed.

Logan Couture 🤝 Bryce Harper: reading pulp novels so they can get away from the horrors of being an athlete. Wait let me cook. What if I was an athlete who read copaganda novels and you were an athlete who read hockey romance novels...and we never even met

The thing about John Grisham, Jimmy Pat, and Lee Child is that the people who checked out those books the most ofte at my library were like 80 year old women, who would read approximately 7-10 books a week. From this we can conclude Cooch is an old woman. Do you think he does the kinds of fiber arts crafts you have to learn from a book and not a Tiktok

This excerpt isn't about Cooch but I feel its critical knowledge: Pickles hasn't read a book in at least 3-4 years

The real bomb we're throwing here is if Pickles doesn't read books but does do the NYT crossword puzzle every day and has a streak. I mean maybe he's doing like, my first crossword puzzle for kids, but EYE like thinking about him seriously working on the Sunday crossword for an entire flight. I would say he completes it perfectly but he made fun of Nick Bonino's ereader and made Nick got mad as hell and EXPOSED him

Words are still words you're SO right king. It's not about the format or the length or the type of book you read. It's about reading . Because to read, to use your words, to engage in the action of imagination, education, storytelling and build, is to live. And I include nonfiction in that. And also audiobooks.

Also thank you for your kind words about my augury, that really made me smile 💙💙🦈🦈

[destielfanfic]

Group Ask #215

Relevant links to find lost fic

previous group asks - feel free to browse them!

spnstoryfinders

Guide to Finding Fic

Guide to Finding Lost Fic

PSA - Save Your Faves!

Lost and Found fic posts - when mods knew the answer!

when looking for fics similar to the ones you have read, check out our Fics like X Reference Post and Fics like X Tag

Before sending in a lost fic ask, please check out our Tags Page and see if the fic in question could be found under some plot/ trope/ pairing related tag! Big thanks to all followers who do check the tags before sending in the ask!!! Our anon is switched off for good but you can always ask for your url to be withhold either on the lost ask or the answer re fic.  <333

And even bigger thanks to all folks who help us to find lost fics! You guys are the real MVPs!!!

Ask #1 ( @trampslike-us ): there’s this fic…#1

Hi! I have been searching for a fic to the point I think I’ve totally made it up now! Pretty sure it’s SU where Dean used to turn tricks to make money for him and Sam as teenagers and he’s working through some shit while him and Cas start a relationship. Sam doesn’t know about Deans past but Dean lets it slip at a dinner (poss thanksgiving?) at Jodie’s (I think!) after a few drinks. I keep going back to Like Moses and Batman thinking it must be that but get to the end and realise it’s not! If you have any idea what I’m talking about send help <3

Ask #2 ( @targaryenchester): there’s this fic…#2

I am at my wits end. I need to reread this fic like my life depends on it. But I can't find this fic anywhere. So the plot kind of goes like this- Dean is a Rockstar but he retired so Sam can have his own career, not just some nepo kid of a big shot singer. However sam screws up with drugs. Dean is retired, he sings at Ellen's bar. Sam feels bad so he brings Cas to check out a singer (Dean). Cas is part of a rival label but he still agrees. Sam is determined to help Dean relaunch his career. So that's how Cas meets Dean. At the bar when Dean is singing. That's the core setting. Does a fic like that rings a bell? Pls help me out🥺🥺

Ask #3 ( @grilmo-bartlett ): there’s this fic…#3

Hi! Im wondering if you can help me find a fic? its really not a destiel fic per se, but I think it was written by someone who hadn't actually seen supernatural and they thought dean was named "destiel." it was kind of a crack fic and I don't remember much else about it, but I feel like I saw it on tumblr. just spent the last hour or so looking and I cant get anywhere. Thank you so much for any help!

Ask #4 ( @buckbuckleydiaz118 ): there’s this fic…#4

Hi! I’m looking for a fic I read on AO3 a while ago and it was a longish multichapter fic, E rating I’m pretty sure. Dean and Cas were in college, Dean was a football player and kind of a bully to Cas and they hid their relationship for a while and had a big angsty break up because Dean saw Alastair bullying Cas again and just turned away instead of defending him yet again and then Dean had a breakdown when Cas left him and threw the necklace Dean gave him back at him. They reconciled after much groveling on Dean’s part. Anna and Gabriel were also in it as Cas’ supportive and protective friends. Thank you!

Ask #5 ( @caseyjw1973 ): there’s this fic…#5

Looking for a fic. It's either deleted or on another platform besides AO3. Dean is a rock star/musician. He performs with a mask. Cas is his assistant and he does not like Dean but is a huge fan of the masked musician. Dean ends up giving Cas a necklace as the singer. I started to read it but I didn't save it. Any ideas?

It takes a village to find a lost fic, every reblog is appreciated!

[seas1mping]

Jackmas Day 22/23: REDESIGN!!!!

My redesign is done, this time in COLOR!! or at least digital instead of pencil. BUT YAY!!!! I love LJ so much I love my redesign she's so cute I love her anyway yap in the read more <<3333

EDIT: I put a little red silhouette behind her so you could see her hair better cause the image is transparent <333

tw: child death (1 year old),

cw: oc x canon, implied canon x canon, fankids, angsty themes (see above tw)

in her last one it was mostly about her backstory and stuff but i want to explain some of the design choices here too as well as some minor beginnings of polycule lore (mostly just her and reena)

If you have eyes, you'll see that she has hearts broken and unbroken all over her. LJ was born to take care of Isaac, and when he went to boarding school and abandoned her, she finally experienced all of those negative emotions that he did. When she killed him, she was left with all of them, and she became heartbroken, because she was made for love and to be loved.

Candy Pop comes along, and LJ feels like they've been reborn. The love feelings they thrive on come back in full swing, and they have hope that this feeling will last forever and they can finally move on from Isaac. It doesn't.

Candy gets nervous, scared to be in one place after the Night Terrors assimilation, and leaves. LJ doesn't want to leave, they're content where their house is, and they don't see why he's trying to uproot everything just because he's being a baby.

Candy Pop leaves LJ a couple days later, and their only correspondence is a few text messages here and there for years. LJ falls back into that pit that she was sure she wouldn't ever go back to.

When Reena comes through, struggling with her newfound visual impairment and her baby, they begin to become friends, and this makes LJ feel nauseous. Reena could try to leave her all alone again, especially after getting on her good side and being understanding about her aversion to Nari.

LJ tells Reena she can have the house to raise Nari and anybody else who she wants, and says that Reena doesn't have to worry about LJ anymore, that she's leaving first so Reena can't leave them.

The surprising note, Reena immediately freaks out, asking LJ what she did wrong because she can't leave her too. She'll give her anything. Please don't abandon her too. And LJ realizes how stupid they were, just because it happened more than once doesn't mean its a cycle.

LJ betters herself from then on, helping to take care of Nari, mourning Nari after her death, sitting with Reena while she grieves, making Nari's new doll body so Reena can have her daughter back.

what

Nari is next in line for CREATION, and its gone so long without a proper host that waiting for the next generation isn't an option. Meaning that if Nari dies, so does it. LJ, being CREATION's personal (and favorite) assistant, is tasked with creating a vessel for Nari's soul to stay in until she grows up to be merged into the entity. (froggy reference??? /j)

So LJ works tirelessly to create the best possible doll that captures everything about Nari, even pushing little pins in to resemble her horn bumps, or adding boning to the lower to make her digitigrade legs.

When she's all finished, and Nari is infused in the doll, LJ leaves her in a drawer because she's technically not alive yet, the soul needs to attach to the body (PLEASE DO NOT REALLY DO THAT TO BABIES)

They kind of. forget. about Nari. whoops.

It isn't until LJ comes home from a meeting with CREATION that she sees Reena holding a real baby and looking up at them. Neither of them say anything, LJ can tell Reena knows, and Reena can't believe she's holding her daughter again.

Reena sets her baby down on the bed (surrounding her with pillows so she can't get hurt by some invisible force (or roll off)) and goes over to LJ.

LJ and Reena's first kiss is a memory they both look back on with fondness, salty from Reena's tears, and suspiciously candy scented from LJ (they just naturally smell like that)

Reena squeezes LJ so hard, they're sure if they were human something would be dislocated, and they stay like that until Nari makes a loud noise because it's hard work connecting to a vessel!! She's hungry!!!

sighs i love my goobers....... sighs,...........

[myllovellybones]

"Daughter." "Sister."

Oh hell no I'm walking out

Finished? Why is she being examined by the maester?

🙂.

Otto and Alicent watch you move past them. The latter is resigned to your commitment of not speaking to her, the former seethes and laughs dryly. He offers his arm to the queen, "come, daughter. Let us pray that your sister's impertinence is merely as side effect of childbearing."

SHUT UPPP DON'T TALK TO ME

Your maester hears it though and offers, "your sister is blessed with a fertile womb."

Genuinely how could this be comforting. She just got pregnant by a man who's on the edge of DYING

We eats with the Velaryons, Corlys, Vaemond, and Laenor, and though he did not hold any particular fondness for them, there was something in the way they all spoke in nothing but High Valyrian that made mornings not completely unbearable.

Honestly thats so cool High Valryian is such a pretty language I'd be using it all the time too

"And have we won the war overnight?" the prince says, rather uninterested, both in small talk and in his duck.

First of all, appreciate the damn duck. AND MAYBE JUST MAYBE IF YOU'D READ THE LETTERS YOUR WIFE SENT YOU WOULD KNOW

"Remarried?!" Daemon repeats in offence, "and which scheming cunt managed to tricked him into marriage?"

Omg I totally forgot he was already there when Viserys and Alicent got married. His crash out is about to be insane

Corlys turns to Vaemond, who turns to Leanor, who turns back to Corlys. The latter clears his throat, "your bride's sister, my prince."

LMAOO IM DONE

He enters his tent and immediately chucks the letter to the floor, as if it was a vase he intended to shatter into a million pieces. It doesn't, of course; the paper remains intact, along with its seal. He crushes it beneath his heel then grabs the sack containing all your unread letters. He empties it on the floor and violently begins to stomp all over them.

OMG?? YOU ASSHOLE???

A good place to raise children?! He scoffs and crumples the paper away. You fantasize of bearing his seed now? He laughs at the idea, chucking the paper across his tent. His amusement goes dry when he realizes it must be your father's ploy.

You absolute idiot

"While I confess a certain light has been lost in the halls of our Oldtown home since your leave, I..." your ward knits his brows, "disagree with your sentiments to return."

Excuse me?

"Never mind my inadequacies, Arryk," you sigh in between deep breaths, "never mind that I will forever be second best to my father, who even wed me to his greatest enemy... who I am to make grandsire to not one but two Targaryen babes."

I just realized how many grandkids he's about to have especially when Heleana, Aemond, AND Dareon is born

"No," you wince, feeling a sharp pain in your belly, "hold me please."

Fuck I am so scared cause all this stress is not good for her or the babes

You lean into his touch, "I can be strong, Arryk," you both his hands and squeeze them to prove a point, "can you not feel it?"

STOPPP 😭😭

"Your brother," he gives you a solemn expression, "he says he prays the Lord Hand extends his gentleness to you, but I wonder if all that remained of his gentleness manifested into his daughters' beings."

Wow okay actually this made me tear up

"I am unsure where my wife is presently-"

I can't I really can't

"I could tell as he held my child, he thought her the most precious thing in the worlds," Viserys face softens, "I could tell he wanted to have something precious to hold as his own," he absentmindedly examines a chisel, "the gods bless me with a wife who is going to birth me something precious," he turns to you, "and a good-sister who is going to birth my brother something doubly precious."

It's insane how he says this but then ignores all his children after. I think he had or has good intentions but still man

Just before you can reach the entrance, a great pain forces you to lurch forward and yelp. You grip onto Viserys's arm for dear life and he grips you with hands. He thinks to grab the chair he pulled for you again, but as he looks back , his eyes widen at the trail of blood that leads to it. "GUARD! GUARD!"

WHAT?! NO STOP DONT TELL ME WHAT I THINK IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN HAPPENS

Viserys watches, the most powerful man in the Seven Kingdoms watches as you rip your skirt up and tear your ruined undergarments down, powerless.

😭

Your hands tremble as you reach for the two small bodies between your thighs. You bring them into your chest, uncaring of all else, how wet they are, how red stains you, how Viserys speaks your name. Your babes are are small; they are both far, far too small.

NOOOO STOP MY POOR BABIES

Anguish draws more noises from your throat. It doesn't take long until your voice is hoarse. You cannot keep your peace as you take in their tiny faces. You wipe them with your skirt, finding the silver of their brows and lashes. You also find the gods gave you a girl and a boy. You choke on a sob as you wipe the red away from their thin, white locks, "please wake for your mummy."

The anguish this genuinely made me feel

You quiet momentarily as the man crouches beside you. Your lips wobble, "p-perhaps they'll wake up if you speak High Valyrian."

.... her trying to do everything to wake them up is soul crushing

"They're perfect, are they not?"

You ask him to repeat this song over and over and he humors you each time.

He's so sweat to her omg

"I take you for a fool!" Arryk quips under his breath as he points an accusing finger.

Lmao I'm but the way their fight really is so sibling coded

These are the very words you sing to your sister's son.

TIMESKIP TIMESKIP OMG HERE WE GO

"Flower for mummy!" he bounces in your arms.

I'd literally go to war for baby aegon.

Your mouth goes dry when you see Daemon staring back at you.

AHH HES BACK HOLY SHIT HOW MUCH DOES HE KNOW?? IS HE MAD?? SAD?? AHJAKSSLSKL

I say this in the most lovingly way, this chapter killed me. You sure know how to write angst cause OH MY GOD?? I could barely see by the time I finished it cause there were so many tears running down my face and neck. I'm so scared and excited to see how Daemon will react. And I do now have mixed feelings about Viserys cause there's sm things he did wrong but he does have good intentions, and the way he tried helping her too was heart breaking 😭

Tormented Spirit | 12

Part 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

"Is it such a sin to stand up for yourself?" you mutter as tears blur your vision. The way he reacted was visceral, instinctive even. "You never have to stand up for yourself ever again," says Daemon, reaching a hand to you, "come."

Daemon Targaryen x Hightower!Reader | 6k+ | cw: fem!reader, reader has brown hair, wife!reader, twin!Gwayne, arranged/forced marriage, canon divergence, alternate universe, slow burn, DD:DNE, pregnancy, miscarriage, panic/anxiety attacks, suicidal ideation, attempted suicide, daddy issues/child abuse/family problems, mentions/depictions of mental/physical/psychosomatic illness, ye old misogyny, angst, typos, etc.

A/N: i would just like to bring everyone's attention to the fact this fic is called tormented spirit. BTW some of yall might wanna read my weasely twins fluff cuz 😀 yeah you should read some fluff! leave comments/reblogs ok!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS | cross posted on ao3

@arabellasleopardcoat @prettybiching @myllovellybones

Since your sister's wedding, there were two things you no longer did: speak to your sister and go to your father. Everyday, instead of having the Lord Hand accompany you to your maester, you were accompanied by one of your wards.

At first, you were apprehensive with the change. After all, they were your knights, but neither of them were the father to your babe, and even fathers were rarely involved with prenatal care. Though, the patience they extended is not unusual, you were surprised that Erryk and Arryk took time asking the maester additional information concerning things that might need their attention in the future.

Today, you walk to the maester's ward, one hand on your belly the other on Erryk's bicep. As he opens the door, you freeze when you hear the voices in the room.

"Daughter." "Sister."

These words are spoken at the same time. You clench your teeth and turn to Erryk, whose jaw is set. You take a breath and decide to simply come back later.

Alicent stands the cot she sat upon and raises a hand, "please! I'm finished. You can come now."

Finished? Why is she being examined by the maester?

Otto is angered by your persistence to ignore them. He scowls and glares at Erryk, "you remind your princess to practice some humility," he points a finger, "her actions are affecting the queen, who is now carrying an heir."

Your face drops as you turn to her.

She is already staring at you. You watch her pick her nails. You catch the redness of her cuticles.

Erryk is equally shocked. He stutters before nodding in regard, "congratulations, my queen."

Alicent shakes her head, forcing a smile, "t-thank you, ser."

Your father's eyes remain on you. He waits for you to offer the same sentiment, but his anger only intensifies at your continued silence. He scoffs, "will you not even congratulate your sister?"

You clutch your pronounced belly and turn to your maester, "may we please do the examination? I cannot bear to stand for long."

Otto and Alicent watch you move past them. The latter is resigned to your commitment of not speaking to her, the former seethes and laughs dryly. He offers his arm to the queen, "come, daughter. Let us pray that your sister's impertinence is merely as side effect of childbearing."

Your sister spares you a glassy glance before taking Otto's arm and leaving with him. You watch as they leave, feeling yourself grow hard of breathing.

The maester asks you to sit, but before you do, you snatch his arm, "is she truly with child?"

He looks at your teary face. He feels the tremble of your hand as he places his own atop of it. He carefully speaks "it is joyous news, is it not?"

You release a shaky breath as he helps you sit.

"Princess," the maester warily says, "breathe for me. We cannot proceed if you overcome by your affliction."

You place both your hands on your belly and take a couple deep breaths. You close your eyes and resist the sob that threatens to come. A couple of tears wet your cheeks, but you manage to remain intact. You wipe your face and mutter to yourself, "it's barely been a moon since they've wed."

Your maester hears it though and offers, "your sister is blessed with a fertile womb."

You wish he had not tried to comfort you with such an idea.

You try not to think of Alicent as you do your daily examination, but she is all you think of. You think of how frightened she must be. You think of how your father surely told her about your daily visits to the maester. You wonder if he would force her to do the same, just to get you to talk to her. She wouldn't need daily examinations like you; she is perfectly healthy, stronger than you, as she said herself.

You are so deep in thought, you don't even realize the maester was finished with you, up until he says something that demands your full attention.

"What?" you knit your brows at him.

"We will be more certain of it as the moons wax and wane, but considering you are a twin yourself, and, again, because of the rather rapid growth of your belly, chances are my deduction is correct."

He helps you up and Erryk is quick to take your arm. You mutter through a shaky breath, "I'm carrying twins?"

Your maester nods, "highly likely."

You turn to Erryk, who offers you a reassuring smile, "I... congratulate you, my princess."

You stare at him for a moment and blink rapidly.

"You might give birth to a boy and girl who will have the same devotion you and your brother have," Erryk says in an attempt to take away some of the fear written across your face.

It does actually. You recall your visit to Oldtown and find yourself nodding, "I... I must write a letter at once."

Many moons come and go, but across the sea, the sun shines. Daemon's day has just started. His mood is nothing but sour, as it always is. He is loathe to start his day, but he does, and with a grunt, and leaves his tent to break his fast.

We eats with the Velaryons, Corlys, Vaemond, and Laenor, and though he did not hold any particular fondness for them, there was something in the way they all spoke in nothing but High Valyrian that made mornings not completely unbearable.

"My prince," Corlys greets him in their mother tongue. He hands Daemon a plate, "duck."

Daemon raises his brow at it, "with salt?"

"And pepper," Leanor says with a half-amused expression.

"My," Daemon sits down with them, "I am spoiled."

Corlys waits for Daemon to have a few bites before continuing conversation. He clears his throat, "before the day passes, allow me, my brother, and my son-" he looks between the said people, earning furrowed brows from Laenor, "-to greet you, both on behalf of House Velaryon, and as your comrade in battle for you—"

"Oh, yes!" Leanor interjects once he remembers, "congratulations, my prince!"

This earns him a look from his father, and his uncle. Laenor, who had been grinning, slowly raises his brows, "a-... apologies for interrupting, father."

Corlys sighs, "as I was-"

"And have we won the war overnight?" the prince says, rather uninterested, both in small talk and in his duck.

Corlys is confused by this, "I... no." He slowly tilts his head, "does your lady wife not write to you?"

Daemon is immediately on edge at the mention of you, "and what of her?"

Corlys narrows his eyes. He puts him to the test, "... you are aware your brother, the king, has remarried?"

Daemon whips his head his direction.

"And that also he expects an heir to be delivered come spring?"

"Remarried?!" Daemon repeats in offence, "and which scheming cunt managed to tricked him into marriage?"

Corlys turns to Vaemond, who turns to Leanor, who turns back to Corlys. The latter clears his throat, "your bride's sister, my prince."

His eyes widen. He looks between the Velaryons, then scoffs dryly. He begins to laugh, "that roach of a Hand has Viserys's bollocks shoved down his fucking throat."

Their faces contort at the foul language. Vaemond, in particular, is so offended that he cannot help but ask, "doesn't the princess write to you every day?"

Daemon clenches his plate

"And she never mentioned thi—"

"WHAT USE HAVE I TO READ THE WEEPY WRITING OF MY WIFE?!" the prince snaps, coming to a stand as he chucks his plate to the ground.

Corlys understands then Daemon's initial shock. However, he is still confused, "have you not read any letters from your wife?"

"Would you rather I be distracted, Corlys?" he snaps again, hands now clenched into fists.

Corlys is not intimidated by Daemon's anger, but he is also unincited by the idea a fight. He raises his hands in surrender, "most men gladly welcome distractions in the heat of war."

Daemon chuckles dryly, "I am not most men," then storms all the way back to his tent.

"Jiōragon hen ñuha ñuhoso!" he snaps in High Valyrian still, shoving the unwitting soldier aside. Get out of my way!

He returns to his tent. Another unwitting victim is there. "My prince," he bows, "a letter from Lady H-" Daemon snags the letter from him and shoves him away with exceeding anger and force.

He enters his tent and immediately chucks the letter to the floor, as if it was a vase he intended to shatter into a million pieces. It doesn't, of course; the paper remains intact, along with its seal. He crushes it beneath his heel then grabs the sack containing all your unread letters. He empties it on the floor and violently begins to stomp all over them.

You were his. You were meant to be his! Yet here you were, a pawn in someone else's game. His lust and infatuation has blinded him from this truth. You and your sister were mere tools of your cunt father to manipulate the throne.

He continues to trample your letters until they are brown with the dirt. He catches a lone letter that managed to evade his violence. He picks the unscathed object and only now does he realize its red waxen seal had an imprint of a dragon with a long neck that resembled Caraxes. Daemon scoffs, even his dragon you covet.

He breaks the seal. The letter was sent nearly a moon ago.

𝔇𝔞𝔢𝔪𝔬𝔫, ℑ 𝔥𝔬𝔭𝔢 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔞𝔯𝔢 𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔩𝔱𝔥𝔶 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔴𝔢𝔩𝔩. ℑ𝔱 𝔥𝔞𝔰 𝔟𝔢𝔢𝔫 𝔬𝔫𝔩𝔶 𝔱𝔥𝔯𝔢𝔢 𝔡𝔞𝔶𝔰 𝔰𝔦𝔫𝔠𝔢 𝔪𝔶 𝔞𝔯𝔯𝔦𝔳𝔞𝔩 𝔱𝔬 𝔒𝔩𝔡𝔱𝔬𝔴𝔫, 𝔟𝔲𝔱 ℑ 𝔣𝔢𝔢𝔩 𝔰𝔬 𝔪𝔲𝔠𝔥 𝔩𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔫𝔬𝔴. ℑ 𝔫𝔬 𝔩𝔬𝔫𝔤𝔢𝔯 𝔣𝔢𝔞𝔯 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔪𝔶 𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔩𝔱𝔥 𝔞𝔰 𝔪𝔲𝔠𝔥 𝔞𝔰 ℑ 𝔡𝔦𝔡 𝔴𝔥𝔦𝔩𝔰𝔱 𝔦𝔫 𝔎𝔦𝔫𝔤'𝔰 𝔏𝔞𝔫𝔡𝔦𝔫𝔤. ℑ𝔱 𝔦𝔰 𝔪𝔬𝔰𝔱 𝔟𝔢𝔞𝔲𝔱𝔦𝔣𝔲𝔩 𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢; ℑ 𝔡𝔦𝔡 𝔫𝔬𝔱 𝔞𝔭𝔭𝔯𝔢𝔠𝔦𝔞𝔱𝔢 𝔦𝔱 𝔞𝔰 𝔞 𝔠𝔥𝔦𝔩𝔡. ℑ 𝔟𝔢𝔩𝔦𝔢𝔳𝔢 𝔦𝔱 𝔦𝔰 𝔞 𝔤𝔬𝔬𝔡 𝔭𝔩𝔞𝔠𝔢 𝔱𝔬 𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔰𝔢 𝔠𝔥𝔦𝔩𝔡𝔯𝔢𝔫. ℑ 𝔥𝔬𝔭𝔢, 𝔲𝔭𝔬𝔫 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔯𝔢𝔱𝔲𝔯𝔫, 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔴𝔦𝔩𝔩 𝔞𝔩𝔩𝔬𝔴 𝔲𝔰 𝔱𝔬 𝔳𝔦𝔰𝔦𝔱 𝔒𝔩𝔡𝔱𝔬𝔴𝔫 𝔬𝔣𝔱𝔢𝔫, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 ℑ 𝔭𝔯𝔞𝔶 𝔢𝔳𝔢𝔯𝔶 𝔪𝔬𝔯𝔫 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔢𝔳𝔢 𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔯𝔢𝔱𝔲𝔯𝔫 𝔦𝔰 𝔰𝔬𝔬𝔫. 𝔏𝔬𝔳𝔢, 𝔜𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔴𝔦𝔣𝔢

A good place to raise children?! He scoffs and crumples the paper away. You fantasize of bearing his seed now? He laughs at the idea, chucking the paper across his tent. His amusement goes dry when he realizes it must be your father's ploy.

He's read enough.

Back in the Keep, you too receive a letter. It is from Gwayne, whose weekly response has finally arrived. You do not mind that he does not write to you daily as you did; you are grateful to receive a response at all.

You were set on reading his response, but as is was, you were experiencing terrible nausea and found yourself unable to sit or lie still. For some reason, the only thing that could combat this was walking around. You instead had your ward read your brother's words aloud for you.

Arryk's eyes trail back and forth you and your letter. He comes to your side when you gag, "princess."

You place a hand on your mouth, walking away from him. He watches as you circle your bed, "perhaps, I-"

"Please," you sigh, "do not make me beg you to read it."

Arryk stiffens and shakes his head, "my apologies, your grace." He turns to the parchment, "my twin."

" Louder," you grunt as you momentarily lean on your bed.

"My twin," Arryk repeats slightly louder, "I pray that your health is good, that you have been eating and sleeping as goodly as you did in the days of your visit here."

You take a deep breath and walk towards nothing in particular.

"While I confess a certain light has been lost in the halls of our Oldtown home since your leave, I..." your ward knits his brows, "disagree with your sentiments to return."

"What?" you gasp softly, turning to Arryk.

He looks at you and hesitates, "I... will not honey my words: you disappoint me with your coldness towards our youngest."

You clench your teeth as you feel another gag coming up, "fucking, Gwayne."

"She has written to me more than once to lament your severed relations since she's wed."

Your scoff makes Arryk pause. You look at him as you walk over, "do not stop."

He looks at you as you walk past him. He clears his throat, "I did not speak of it until now, for I believed you to be wiser than your betrayal."

"Ha!" you scoff, eyes immediately watering, "incorrigible pest," you grunt and rub your belly. You pace faster, "unyielding. Unfeeling."

Arryk watches you pace and takes a few steps back and forth so to remain arms reach of you.

"Continue!"

He stiffens, "I—," he turns back to your brother's words, "you've written you believe it will be better for you both that you away, lest your childbearing interlope with hers. I disagree. Consider me a fool-"

"He is," you scratch your eyes.

"-a man who knows nothing of childbirth, which I am, but I know my sisters— I know you at the very least." Arryk watches you as he says the next words, "leaving Alicent will haunt you, your satisfaction short-lived."

You stop in your tracks. You feel your dress tighten around you.

"Lay down your pride and allow yourself to reach for your sister who understands your struggle unlike anyone in the Seven Realms now more than ever."

You feel sick, sicker.

"Upon doing so, see then if you still wish to come to home."

You heave as you continue walking around.

"I offer many prayers to the Mother for both you and our sister. We are truly grown from the same womb, for I too share in your hope that you give birth to a twin boy and girl."

You rub your belly, as the thought softens you a fraction.

"Mostly, I speak thanks and praise for I am to be doubly an uncle. I pray your births come timely and smoothly, and I pray the Lord Hand has extended nothing but gentleness to you both," he folds the paper, "Your Twin."

"See now," you turn to Arryk, "even my twin betrays me, abandons me," you feel tears run down your cheek.

He slowly walks towards you, "that is not what he's done, my princess."

"Then what?!" you shake your hands, "am I not allowed even my anger now?!"

He is taken off guard when you shove him back.

"Even you are against me!"

Arryk steps back, though you barely mustered enough force for him to need to. You quickly pace around again. He feels the flesh beneath his steel you touched begin to push. His lips part "do not accuse me so harshly."

You whip your head back, glaring at him with red eyes, "SHE COULD HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO A LORD IN THE RIVERLANDS! OR HIGHGARDEN!" You throw your hand out, "ANYWHERE BUT HERE, BUT HERE SHE IS!"

His face falls when your rage makes you crumble. He gasp your name out as he catches you just before you fall.

"And for what?!" you wheeze as you are dragged to your bed. You rip at your collar as your chest tightens and tightens and tightens, "for me?"

"Princess," the knight's voice breaks with worry as he sits you down, "I beg you, ple-"

"Undress me," you mutter as you strugggle for air, "unlace my dress, I-"

He does not wait. He is quick to undo your bodice. He is so frantic, he nearly cuts your ties.

You moan as you feel a pressure leave you. You rip your dress off you, thinking of nothing else but catching your breath. Arryk helps you undress and you find it slightly easier to breath once you are left in nothing but your chemise.

Your ward struggles with himself; he does not wish to take advantage of this moment to ogle you, but he also cannot avert his gaze completely, lest you need his assistance. He clenches his jaw and lowers his gaze to his lap, muttering your name softly.

"Never mind my inadequacies, Arryk," you sigh in between deep breaths, "never mind that I will forever be second best to my father, who even wed me to his greatest enemy... who I am to make grandsire to not one but two Targaryen babes."

"Princess," he shakes his head, "I do not wish to-"

"I am used to his insistence of my dimness," you rub your chest, "of my capacity only for tears and succumbing to my own pain," your lips wobble, "but my sister—"

He stiffens and turns to you as lean into him. Your breath is too short and your head too heavy for you to keep yourself upright. Arryk calls our your name as he shifts, bringing his arm around to pull you upright.

"No," you wince, feeling a sharp pain in your belly, "hold me please."

He is immediately alarmed by how you clutch your side, "princess, are you-"

"Please," you rest your head on his armor, "hold me, even if you do not want to."

His hand twitches before, placing it your bare arm. He leans close, close enough to press his lips on your head, but he does not dare. He rubs your skin and whispers, "I want for nothing else."

You are too distracted by yourself that you do not hear him. Uncomfortable as the feel of his armor was, he lulls you into calmness.

When you feel well enough to realize how compromising it would be if someone were to witness you both, you pull away.

He says nothing, does nothing. He simply sit besides you, taking in your sad face.

You a tear drip from the tip of your nose. You rub it away before mumbling, "I had well-made plans for her... plans to shield her, to prosper her."

His eyes fall. He looks at the hand you had on your lap and dares to take it. It is cold and clammy, which is why he rubs it, eager to spread warmth.

The gesture makes goosebumps form on your arms. It makes your breath hitch, but not in a painful way. His gentleness encourages you to continue, "I once thought she looked up to me," you sniffle, "but when she said she was stronger than I," you lower your head.

He frowns.

"I knew then," you look back at him, "she sees only my weakness, along with the rest of the world."

He cannot help himself. He reaches for your cheek and wipes your tears.

You lean into his touch, "I can be strong, Arryk," you both his hands and squeeze them to prove a point, "can you not feel it?"

The gesture makes his heart break. He squeezes your hands in return, "you need not prove such a thing to me," he rubs your skin with his thumbs, "perhaps she does not want you to be strong... not for her."

You huff, "I am her older si-"

"But for your babe."

You are frozen by his words. You open your mouth but find nothing to say.

"Your brother," he gives you a solemn expression, "he says he prays the Lord Hand extends his gentleness to you, but I wonder if all that remained of his gentleness manifested into his daughters' beings."

The thought brings a tear from your eye, "Arryk."

"My princess."

"Should I speak to my sister come the morrow?"

He squeezes your hand again before slowly nodding.

The next day, you do everything in your power to do just that. You found Alicent breaking her fast, but you did not want to inadvertently ruin her appetite with your sudden appearance, for you knew how fickle it was in these times. Later, you found her in her chambers napping, but you didn't wish to interrupt her then either.

The rest of the day, you started feeling unwell, and you could not find it in you to leave your own chambers. When you finally did, the sun had set and Alicent was nowhere to be found. As a last resort, you ventured to the king's chambers.

Erryk announces you once you reach Viserys's door. You look at your knight with apprehension but he only returns a reassuring nod. There is a rather... sickly smell that assaults your senses when the door opens. The king himself answers, brows quirked in surprise.

"My king," you barely manage a curtsy. Erryk nods, "your grace."

Viserys regards you both then asks, "what brings you to my chambers at this hour?"

"I wanted to know if my sister was here," you absentmindedly rub your belly, "I wish to speak to her."

The king catches your belly, "oh, yes." He places a hand on your shoulder, "you are also with child," he chuckles, "I keep forgetting to congratulate you face to face."

You are taken aback by the half-hug he pulls you into.

Viserys chuckles as he pulls away, "well done, my dear. You have made the realm, and more importantly my brother, all the more richer for this."

You are rigid as he beckons you inside. Viserys motions to Erryk dismissively, and he nods. You wards gives you a silent look, and you know he'll wait for you outside.

Once you enter, you are assaulted by a scent that has clearly been attempted to be masked by fragrances. It makes you gag slightly, but it is not so bad that you cannot comport yourself.

You had expected to be lead to your sister, but instead, the king leads you to a massive diorama of what you could tell to be King's Landing.

"I am unsure where my wife is presently-"

His regard to your sister makes you clench your jaw.

"-but she visits me oft at this time of hour. Might as well show you my miniature figurines whilst waiting," he grins as he motions to the said object.

You feel an uncomfortable twinge in your stomach as you walk over to him.

Viserys immediately beams over his creation, recounting the trouble he had carving out the tower, exclaiming how much he enjoyed shaping the bridge. You have never seen him in such a light and it makes you wonder if this was his true self. Did he regard your husband this way? What were they like as children?

As he handed you two separate failed attempts of carving his fallen dragon, Balerion, you listen to him muse how the beast's skull was preserved in the basement bellow, and how he would gladly bring you there if you wanted to see. You groan and slightly lurch when another painful sensation ripples within you.

Viserys notices this. He quickly takes the figurines from you, "oh, where are my manners," he pulls a chair to your side, "sit, sit."

You gratefully take a seat and take a couple deep breathes as the king continues to drone about his diorama.

"You know, I used to make toy soldiers for Daemon growing up. I was aghast when he came back to me with severed heads."

You chuckle at his words, but instantly regret it when it adds to your pain.

"I still made him new ones, but this time, I put less effort and detail," Viserys speaks before noticing your reaction, "are you alright?"

"Mmm," you shake your head, "I think my babes are moving."

His brows quirk, "ah. That's right. You are expecting twins, are you not?"

You release a sigh when the uncomfortable sensations finally wane. You take a breath and offering a smile, "so says my maester. I hope it to be a boy and girl, like me and Gwayne."

He smiles, "it is quite fortunate that you and your sister are to have children at the same time," he looks over his miniature castle, "don't you think?"

"I think..." you turn to your belly, another groan leaving your lips, "Alicent is not ready to have children."

Viserys turns to you.

You look up at him and purse your lips, "nor am I."

He chuckles softly, "none of us are," he places a hand on your shoulder, "but I assure you, you learn as you go."

You find no comfort in his words.

"You know who has been ready though," he raises a finger, "Daemon."

The thought nearly makes you flinch.

He chuckles, "do not look so averted. There is gentleness in him," he turns back to his diorama, "do you not perceive it?"

You begin to feel sick.

"I tell you, when Rhaenyra was born, his face shone."

Your brows tighten at the smile the king offers you.

"I could tell as he held my child, he thought her the most precious thing in the worlds," Viserys face softens, "I could tell he wanted to have something precious to hold as his own," he absentmindedly examines a chisel, "the gods bless me with a wife who is going to birth me something precious," he turns to you, "and a good-sister who is going to birth my brother something doubly precious."

His words make your heart tinge. You are blindsided by how genuine, how vulnerable your conversation is. You wonder if Alicent saw this amidst the cruelty of the world and decided to settle for it rather than the uncertainty from another man. As he falls deeper into another fond tale of his brother, you feel a dull pain spread across your hips.

"That reminds me," he claps his hands, "do you have any names picked out yet?"

You shift uncomfortably in your chair, "well... I've-" you huff, "gone through some books that held Valyrian names," you inhale, "and found a few names for boys, namely Vaerus,—"

"Ah, Vaerus," Viserys repeats, "meaning genuine."

"Eadan—"

He grins and points, "little fire."

"—and Alaeric," you huff.

"Hmm," he turns to the ceiling in thought, "no, I don't know that one."

You are restless because of your pain. You groan as you stand, "I- mmm- prefer the last one the most because it is similar to my mother's name, and I should like to name my boy and girl after her."

He chuckles, "you seem quite set on a boy and a girl."

"Mmm," you hum uncomfortably, "I- I hope for it." You rub your belly, "I hope they have fondness for each other like me and mine own twin."

He knits his brows at your demeanor, "a son and a daughter would suit you well," he smiles fondly, "what was the name of your late mother again?"

"A-" you groan, "Alyrie."

Viserys finally reaches for you, "are you quite certain you're alright?"

You hum as you take the king's bicep, squeezing him tightly, "mmm, I should like to lie down now."

"Yes, of course," he shakes his head, leading you to the door.

Just before you can reach the entrance, a great pain forces you to lurch forward and yelp. You grip onto Viserys's arm for dear life and he grips you with hands. He thinks to grab the chair he pulled for you again, but as he looks back , his eyes widen at the trail of blood that leads to it. "GUARD! GUARD!"

You are in too much pain to react to the king's screams. You can only screw your eyes shut.

Erryk bursts through the doors, face white, heart racing.

"CALL THE MAESTER AT ONCE! SHE'S BLEEDING!"

Your eyes widen at the word, "bleeding?" You momentarily manage to gather enough wits to see what Viserys was speaking of.

Erryk does not linger in his horror. He bolts out and sprints down the halls, screaming for a maester as if his life depended on it because yours did.

The sight of your blood is mortifying. You lift your skirt as pain continues to seizes and a horrified noise leaves you when you find the red that pools by your foot.

It all happens at once after. An ache so great forces you to the floor. You are burning hot yet shivers run down your spine. You do not know if Viserys is speaking as you slowly crumple your knees but you do know that you are screaming loud.

Then it passes. Serenity ebbs and flows. You manage to sit on your but, but then it's back with a vengeance. You resist the squeal that morphs into to a shriek and then— you gasp, "no."

Viserys watches, the most powerful man in the Seven Kingdoms watches as you rip your skirt up and tear your ruined undergarments down, powerless.

Your scream makes his stomach curdle.

Your hands tremble as you reach for the two small bodies between your thighs. You bring them into your chest, uncaring of all else, how wet they are, how red stains you, how Viserys speaks your name. Your babes are are small; they are both far, far too small.

Anguish draws more noises from your throat. It doesn't take long until your voice is hoarse. You cannot keep your peace as you take in their tiny faces. You wipe them with your skirt, finding the silver of their brows and lashes. You also find the gods gave you a girl and a boy. You choke on a sob as you wipe the red away from their thin, white locks, "please wake for your mummy."

The words arrest Viserys. He recalls holding Baelon as life left him. He cherishes now more than ever that at least his boy gazed upon him once. He shares in your misery, yet does not know if how he should approach you; he does not know if he should. He does anyway, no matter how haunting the sound of your wails are.

You quiet momentarily as the man crouches beside you. Your lips wobble, "p-perhaps they'll wake up if you speak High Valyrian."

The thought is gutting.

You gently pull at one babe's eyelid, finding a violet eye looking back at you. Except it isn't looking at you at all and the thought makes you squall. You clutch your children tightly into your chest, rocking them back and forth, "forgive me, my loves. Forgive me for birthing you too soon."

Erryk finally arrives with the maesters. He is stunned in his spot whereas the maesters run to your side. He falls to his knees as lift your children up. They do not touch them, but instead look at each other before muttering something that makes you pull your twins back into your chest.

Your ward is ashamed to face you. He has failed you. Erryk comes to a stand and dares to come near you. You do not notice him. You do not care for anything or anyone else in this moment.

Crimson grief trails behind you as you make your way to the maester's ward. Erryk meant to carry you, but you refused, knowing the walk there would be the last time you'd ever get to hold your children. He silently walks beside you, eyeing your every move.

You freeze when you see your sister by the door. Erryk looks between the two of you, ready to give you space.

Alicent is distraught. Her eyes are nearly as red as yours and you can how her hands tremble even as she picks at them, "sister, I-"

"I wanted to talk to you earlier today."

Her face falls and she immediately runs up to you. She reaches for you but stops herself.

You frown at it, thinking it was because you had been cruel to her, "forgive me, sister."

She rapidly shakes her head, "do not even mention it."

A tear fog your vision, "very well," you sniffle as you lower your gaze, "would... would you like to see them?

She wordlessly agrees.

You step closer to her, "this is Alaeric... and Alyrie."

A hand comes to her mouth, "sister."

"They're perfect, are they not?"

She nods rapidly, "yes—" she shudders, "they are."

You sob with her as she brings her arms around you. Erryk cannot bare the sight. Hot tears run into his armor. Both him and Alicent stay with you as the maester's see to your health. They let you hold Alaeric and Alyrie until your examination commences, and then you confess that if they do not take them now, you will never let them be taken from you ever again.

You were exhausted as you lie in bed. Your body yearned for repose, but you could do nothing of the sort. You groggily stand and walk to your door.

Erryk starts. You caught him in the middle of scratching tears away from his eyes. You frown, "forgive me."

"No, princess," he shakes his head and turns to you, "how might I serve."

You bite your lip, hating yourself for what you were about to request, "I know it is terrible..." you sigh deeply, "I know it is inappropriate, and wrong, and an abuse of my power over you," you tremble, "but please you sleep with me."

"My princess, I-"

"Please," you raise a hand, "if it is too horrible, per- perhaps-" you hiccup, "you can drag the set— the settee beside my bed-"

He silences you by taking your raised hand. You continue to sob as he shakes his head, "I would do anything you ask of me."

You sob and throw your arms around him. Erryk embraces you back, though he was afraid his hard uniform might hurt you.

Otto sees this exchange from across the hall. He had not been moved to tears until this moment. He scratches his eyes before they fall and steels himself away as he walks off. He mentally takes note to observe the Cargyll brothers and to sternly remind them of their vows.

Erryk follows you to your bed. You crawl into your bed as he drags the settee from across the room beside you. You offer him a pillow and he gratefully take it. You knit your brows when he lies down. You sniffle, "will you not take your armor off?"

"I..." he start, about to explain it is inappropriate.

"Is it hard to remove by yourself?" you sit up, "I can help."

"I-" but his words go dry when you begin to undo his steel uniform with much ease.

All your years assisting Gwayne in and out of his armor has made the act come easy for you. You think nothing of it, but Erryk's heart races as you undo his chest plate. He sucks in a sharp breath as you put the metal down, then refuses your help, resigning to undo the rest himself.

You sink into your sheets as you watch your knight lay his armor down. It occurs to you in this moment that this was the first time you'd ever seen him without it. Even through his loose dress shirt, you can see his defined arms and torso. You even see a sliver of a scar from where his shirt opened on his chest and it makes you avert your gaze, knowing you've looked where you should not have.

Your lips begin to wobble as you think of Daemon and the scars he had on his skin. You feel pathetic as you begin to sob again.

Erryk hates the sound. He sits down on the settee and sniffles, "would you like me to sing for you?"

You wipe the snot on your philtrum as you look at him.

"I do not think I inherited her voice, but my mother used to sing to my brother and I when we were younger."

The word mother makes you feel sick, but you do not tell him that, and simply nod.

He clears his throat and takes a breath, "the fishes swim in seas of blue, and dragons breath fire so red. All the birds sing sweetly for you, so come rest ye darling wee head."

A chuckle is drawn amidst your tears as Erryk continues to sing.

"The apples grow up the trees, and flowers rise up from the ground. All the stars shine brightly for you, so come rest ye all safe and sound."

You ask him to repeat this song over and over and he humors you each time.

The day breaks and Arryk comes to your door for his shift. He holds a basket of flowers and a frown. He knocks on your door and announces himself. He is surprised when he hears footsteps approaching. His eyes widen when Erryk opens the door for him. His mouth falls at the messiness of his hair, then it clicks. Arryk nearly drops his basket as he grabs his twin by the collar, "what in seven hells have you done, you fool?"

Erryk is stoic as he responds, "my duty."

"Your-" he looks over his shoulder and pushes his brother into the room, closing the door behind him. Arryk makes sure to keep the silence and spares you a quick glance. The sight of your sleeping form makes him slightly soften, but he still manages to glare at his brother, "did you sleep here?"

Erryk turns to you, "she asked-"

"Did you sleep with her?" Arryk snaps.

The twins glare at each other. Erryk's face contorts in disgust, "I slept on the settee, brother. What do you take me fo-"

"I take you for a fool!" Arryk quips under his breath as he points an accusing finger.

Erryk scoffs, clenching his fist, "and you would have left?"

"I would have waited for her to sleep and resumed my post outsi-"

"Please."

The twins turn, finding you sitting on your bed, rubbing your puffy face. They both instinctively step forward and speak in unison, "princess."

"Please," you repeat, "I asked him to stay."

Arryk turns to Erryk.

"I do not want you to argue because-" you cannot continue because you begin to cry.

Both their faces fall, but Erryk wastes no time in coming to you. He kneels beside your bed and takes your hand, repeating the song he sang to you last night.

Arryk immediately recognizes the tune. His heart tightens as he watches the display. He mutters under his breath, "what have you done?" He walks over to him and watches the way you squeeze his brother's hand. He thinks of how you did the same for him just yesterday and clenches the basket's handle tightly. He begins to sing with his twin.

"The fishes swim in seas of blue, and dragons breath fire so red. All the birds sing sweetly for you, so come rest ye darling wee head.

The apples grow up the trees, and flowers rise up from the ground. All the stars shine brightly for you, so come rest ye all safe and sound."

These are the very words you sing to your sister's son.

Alicent was with child again, and you were giving her a much needed reprieve from her energetic boy who was now nearing his second name day. Aegon happily reached for flowers as you carried him through the gardens. He laughs with not a care in the world. It is strange how deeply happy and deeply sad the boy makes you feel.

Through it all, you smile as you sing. You bounce him in your hip once you finish, "right, shall we go back now?"

Aegon blissfully ignores you when his hand brushes against a flower. You pull him away before he can grab it, and push his hand down, "no, my love, we do not pick roses so carelessly."

Aegon cares little for your words and raises his hand again, "flower!"

You push his hand down and look at him, "you want the rose?" You adjust him in your arm, "you want to pick the rose for mummy?"

"Mummy?" Aegon repeats, turning to you to reach for your brown curls.

You chuckle when he tries to eat it and pull your hair away before he manages to, "silly boy. Shall we ask Ser Arryk to pick the flower for us?"

"Flower for mummy!" he bounces in your arms.

You bounce him back, making him giggle as you repeat, "flower for mummy!" You flip your hair back, "Ser Arryk, could you-"

Your mouth goes dry when you see Daemon staring back at you.