#even if yes they are all perfect lil critters

[yukipri]

If someone told me I was a handsome, perfect little boi as frequently as I say it to my cats, I too would probably walk around like I owned the place, sitting on/knocking over whatever I please

[reallyhardy]

actually i need to put some GOOD in my life onto the blog, bye bye 🩸period vent posts🩸, hello really wonderful experience i had recently:

so most months once a month i get my sweet sweet gig of outdoor art messy play with families at the art gallery in our garden. we make magic potions with leaves and water and sometimes dried tea and spices for extra magic, and we do mud painting with just like dirt that i dig out of a big hole in the ground.

it's THEEEE most fun i get to have, basically just rush around refilling buckets of water and seeing kids have fun learning about how to be creative with what there is around us to use (for free) but of course it generates a lot of mess...

well last summer during our outdoor play sessions i got quite a lot of different volunteers who would come help out on different days, and we encourage family volunteering where people can bring their kids and the kids get to wear volunteer t-shirts but we basically just tell them their job is to be in charge of 'fun'. anyway this one lady brought her twins, boy and girl, age about 6 on a few days and OMG these kids. such shining little humans, and always so ready to help out with tidying up. i remember by the end of summer i had to send their mum a message just to tell her what a great job she's done raising her two lil superstars honestly...

anyway last saturday i was doing the first outdoor art club of the year and it was getting to the last hour when this lady and her twins arrive and the absolute JOY on their faces 😭😭😭 never seen any child look happier to see me that wasn't a member of my family - or maybe more so i cannot lie. they were like "OMG LOREN'S HERE! the guy at the desk said it wasn't you running it today!" and i was like "WOAH well i am here and what a wonderful surprise to see you guys here!" like literally. so so sweet and adorable.

so we played around for a bit, they tried out painting and all the activities, anyway obviously i had still to attend to all the other visitors but i kept circling back, then when it was packdown time and me and the other facilitator started tidying... the twins came back around and kept on asking all the different ways to help out, they helped me rinse down all the mud paint palettes and put everything away, even helped me carry a bunch of easels inside... i kept trying to tell them "okay great job thank you for your help! i got this from here" but they were SO determined to make sure they helped me with every little thing 🥺 like obvs. little children i am much stronger than you yes i can lift this easel on my own and prob get it done way faster too but i SO so appreciate you wanting to help me.

anyway sent another message to their mum the next day just gushing about her lil critters, she sent me a whole heartfelt message back saying my thank you message is going in a scrapbook. just... so so sweet. maybe on those days, i literally DO have the best job ever i can't even deny it. for me it's perfect

[polarisbibliotheque]

Devil May Halloween - The Horror Amusement Park (Halloween with the crew)

Devil May Halloween 2022 - The Horror Amusement Park, Prologue (Reader and the crew spending Halloween together)

Pairing: During this Prologue, none. You can read it pairing the reader with anyone you want ;)

Summary: The 'Nightmares From Hell' horror amusement park had just stopped by Redgrave. After a few talks and Halloween enthusiasts, the DMC crew decide to visit it together, in order to have a bit of fun and wind down... Tough a cursed puzzle box might change those plans. (buckle up, it's a long one)

Author's Notes: You guys didn't think I'd forget you this Halloween, right? This is just the Prologue, then I'll update with Dante x Reader and Vergil x Reader parts, in a sort of "choose your own path" adventure (meaning, they'll have the same prologue, but then you decide if you want to read the whole ~incident~ with Dante or Vergil. Or both! Then the ending will be the same when the crew gets together again)! If I manage to finish them both by Halloween and have some time left, I'll try to deliver a Nero one too ^^

Happy Halloween, devil hunters, demons and lil' critters :3

Prologue

“Oh, hell yeah! This place looks friggin’ awesome!”

It seemed like Christmas was approaching to Nico while she looked at the ominous gates of the horror themed park the whole crew decided to visit on Halloween: the Nightmares From Hell.

It wasn’t too planned really. Nero saw someone talking about it on TV, Nico heard something on the radio, you talked about it with Dante, Kyrie seemed a little too nervous about it, Lady saw something about it while looking for a job and brought Trish on the loop… And Vergil eventually got what you were all talking about. Soon, everyone seemed to agree it would be something nice for the crew to do together.

Well, not everyone. Trish was neutral: if everyone decided to go, she’d go as well. Vergil had absolutely no interest in such human foolishness – to think they could do something as terrible as what he had experienced in Hell. Kyrie was adamant in not going: she loved kids Halloween, but hated the more adult side of things – all the scares, horror and gore was definitely not for her.

Dante had to do a little convincing with his brother, you helping Vergil understand it all was for fun – it took the blue devil quite a long time to even begin to comprehend why humans would find anything Hell related remotely fun. In the end, you had convinced him to go as a way to bond with everyone in the crew – especially since Nero would be there.

Now, Kyrie had to be convinced by her devil in shining armor. She kept denying until Nero showed her something he found to be incredible: Lady, Trish, you, Dante and Vergil all talking about the horror park and what you guys would do together, what kind of costumes you’d wear and how Vergil would scare people more than the actors themselves – Lady, though, seemed to be a child on her first Halloween. Nero and Kyrie had never seen her so excited for something; perhaps only Christmas at the Devil May Cry.

With that, Kyrie had to say yes.

“I really don’t know about that…” Kyrie sighed, getting closer to Nero. He didn’t even think twice before wrapping one arm around his girl.

There was something of sweet about their Halloween costumes: Kyrie put on one of her flowy white dresses, pairing it with feathery angel wings on her back and a golden crown adorning her coppery hair. Nero, on the other hand, went for the demon look: wearing his dirty, fake-bloodied clothes from his last job, you insisted on painting his ‘half-trigger’ looks – the blue lines that appeared on his face, some fake fangs and nails, his arms like his old devil bringer and a cheap plastic tiara adorned with blue devil horns.

No one could deny it: they were indeed a perfect couple.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. I’m here, remember?” Nero cuddled her closer, smiling while watching her eye nervously at those gates. He wouldn’t admit, but he loved being her one and only protector. “Anything bad happen, I’m stayin’ with ya. No need to do somethin’ you don’t want, angel.”

Kyrie had to look back at him and smile when Nero called her like that.

“But not going on things is soooo not fun! We’re here to have fun together, dumbass!” Nico had to complain, all in her Eddie Munson costume glory. The thought of not having Nero around inside the horror mazes to poke some fun at her co-worker demon hunter was, actually, unthinkable.

“We’re all here, lil’ angel! No reason to be scared!” Dante playfully pinched Kyrie’s cheek, making her laugh. The Crimson Slayer decided to go all out during the Halloween and, with your help, dressed up as an 80’s rockstar. You were positive Mötley Crüe would be proud of his looks. “If things get too ugly, we just call lil’ ol’ Verge over there and even the monsters will run away; that, I’m sure!”

Vergil just limited himself to give his twin brother an annoyed look that could freeze the coldest of hearts. Keeping his arms crossed, it was one of the first times he ditched his usual attire for something else: the crew’s very own Necromancer. It was your idea and it seemed right up Vergil’s alley – plus, he found a way to carry Yamato as a makeshift staff, avoiding the terrifying thought of going out without his most beloved weapon.

Dante and Vergil couldn’t have planned to be more opposites than those last-minute Halloween costumes.

“Also, you can stay around us.” Trish threw back the lock of golden hair she was playing with, letting it rest on her shiny, vinyl Catwoman suit. Full Michelle Pfeiffer movie look, she opted for having her hair lose under the torn mask and messy makeup. “I think no one will want to mess with me, Lady or y/n.”

You and Lady exchanged a knowing look and laughed after that comment. Trish was right: having the beautiful devil as Catwoman, Lady full on her 90’s goth attire as the witch Nancy from The Craft – a movie you three ended up watching together and discovered it was one of her favorites – and you full in black and the iconic makeup of Eric Draven from The Crow, it was very unlikely people would mess with you.

Needless to say, Kyrie was safer than anyone else in that park.

“Well, are we going to just stand here and watch?” Lady finally put her hands on her waist and questioned the crew – receiving both eager, fearful and bored looks. “Let’s go in already!”

“You heard the woman! Let’s go!” You, charged with keeping the tickets safe, started distributing them so you could finally cross the gates of Nightmares From Hell. As Dante would always say, you all expected that to be one hell of a party – and it surely would be.

*

“The only hellish thing about this place is the amount of people screaming and running around aimlessly.” Vergil scoffed with an annoyed look in his eyes, one hand safely inside the pocket of his pants while the other safely held Yamato.

It was funny, really. The guy at the entrance of the park tried to make Vergil show him if it was a real blade, but just one glare of the blue devil made him give up on that. He allowed entrance when Vergil simply muttered it was a cane.

The man definitely wouldn’t argue.

“Oh, c’mon. I bet you’re having fun, necromancer.” You side eyed him, a tiny smile showing on your black lips. Vergil responded the look.

“Perhaps I was wrong bringing you back from the dead, Draven.”

That little comment made the whole crew stop on their tracks and look back at both of you.

“Did you…?” Nero started blabbering, pointing at his father – still protecting Kyrie with one of his arms. “Did he… Just made a joke? And a movie reference? All in one?!”

“Boy, this Halloween sure promises to be creepy!” Dante had to laugh while Vergil rolled his eyes, seemingly impatient. All you could do was laugh with everyone else.

“I know, right? There’s hope for the Dark Slayer!” You patted Vergil’s shoulder, immediately pointing at something else that caught your attention. “Wait – are those candied apples?!”

“Where?!” Lady immediately turned around, seeing a witch booth, selling all kinds of candied apples and what it was labeled as love potions. “No way! We gotta get one!”

“You don’t have to say it twice!” You entangled your arm around hers and off you both went, talking about your favorite Halloween foods.

“Didn’t know they loved those things so much.” Dante had his eyebrows raised, as Kyrie started to pull Nero towards the booth.

“C’mon, man! Everyone loves candied apples!” Nico answered the red devil before turning around and running after all of you. “Hey! Wait for me! You bunch of hungry raccoons!”

Vergil and Dante just glanced at Trish, who started following the group with a faster pace, but still gracefully swinging her hips.

“Not gonna lie – I love candied apples too. Like all humans apparently, huh?” She winked at the twins, spinning on her heels to turn back to the booth and making her golden hair elegantly flow in the night.

Dante and Vergil stood there for a while, watching as you all made a fuss around the witch and discussed the love potions – different drinks with all kinds of flavors, but, of course, Nico would never stop annoying Nero and Trish had to tease Lady, at least a little bit. You and Kyrie just laughed as you watched all the mayhem, nibbling at your apples and choosing the best love potion for each of you.

“Maybe they got some strawberries with chocolate…?” Dante finally suggested, making Vergil close his eyes with a tiny smile hidden in his stern lips.

“Our preferences have never really been human, right?” Even though Vergil’s arms were crossed in front of his chest, still holding tightly to Yamato, he had quite an amused tone to his voice.

“Eh, what can I say. Demons have different tastes.” Dante shrugged, satisfied with the sort of relationship he and Vergil had built so far. It wasn’t the most loving or amazing brotherly dynamic, but they had their laughs and internal jokes – and Dante missed that, honestly.

Vergil would never admit it, but it was one of the things his heart bled for in Hell. Only after having it back, rebuilding that sort of dynamic with his twin brother, Vergil noticed there was a void inside of him only family could fill – only Dante. Of course, he loved Nero, and the boy was his son, but having a brother who grew up with him, went through the same family trauma, survived all the horrors they had both seen… It was different. It was home.

“Remember when mother tried to make candied apples…?” Vergil’s voice barely broke the noises of music, screams, laughs and horrifying sounds of the park, but he knew Dante could listen to him very well. Both had the same kind of hearing, inherited from their father.

“Hah! I thought you wouldn’t remember that!” Dante rested his hands on his hips, letting a good laugh out of his chest. “We couldn’t break that coat of sugar if our lives depended on it!”

“Father had to use his demon fangs to taste it just so mother wouldn’t be sad her recipe didn’t work.” Vergil finally looked at Dante, now having a noticeable smile on his face. It was one of the very rare times Dante saw him smiling in such a carefree manner – and it made his heart happier.

The whole night was worth it just because of that moment, in his opinion.

“We didn’t know how to trigger back then, it broke her heart when she saw dad breaking our apples!” Dante could see that scene as bright as day, and Vergil couldn’t hold back a laugh.

“We never ate candied apples again.”

Dante rested one of his hands on Vergil’s shoulder, almost breathless from laughing. Vergil kept his arms crossed, but his body was turned towards his brother, laughing alongside him with rare care in his cold eyes. They had completely forgotten about the candied apple incident, but being there with each other and the crew, talking as if they had no worries and putting down their alertness for a while, it had all come back – and, honestly, they hoped for even more moments like that.

“Let’s hope for strawberries, or else we are doomed.” Vergil adjusted his posture, starting to walk alongside his brother.

“Strawberries with chocolate, bro. Let’s not forget your favorite part!” Dante winked at him, resting his hands inside the pockets of his old coat he wore during the Temen-ni-gru incident. It still fitted absurdly well, given how much time had passed. “Yeah, I don’t think I’d be ready for candied apples again.”

“I would like to keep all my fangs.” Vergil scoffed, making Dante burst out in laughs.

“You’re supposed to be a necromancer, don’t start with the vampire lingo.” You took another bite of your shiny, bright red apple – just ignoring how much of your makeup you would have to retouch after eating.

“Hey, it’s not our fault we do have fangs, beautiful.” Dante winked at you, making you giggle in response. He was a perfect rocker from the 80’s. “But hey, ya think they’ve somethin’ other than apples?”

“Why? Do you guys have a trauma of apples or somethin’?” Of course, Nero asked as a joke – but Dante and Vergil just stared at him seriously in response. Everyone stopped their laughs and Nero furrowed his eyebrows, immediately worried he joked about something he shouldn’t have. “What…? Are there… Demon apples?

“You don’t wanna know, kid. Trust me.” Dante replied in his completely out of character serious demeanor.

“It is safer if you remain in ignorance. All of you.” Vergil used his stoic tone, eyes cold as ice from the nineth circle of Hell.

It was safe to say the whole crew got creeped out – the Sparda twins, in another hand, were internally laughing together, as if they were still two children pulling pranks on oblivious people during Halloween.

They wouldn’t let the rest of the crew know, though. It would be another of their internal jokes.

“I can assure both of you there’s nothing demonic in my apples.” The lady from the booth used a sing song tune to lure their attention, a perfect and deadly witch who dealt with all kinds of delights and afflictions of love. “Would you like to taste one?”

“Well, you see, babe, I’m more of a strawberry kind of guy.” Dante leaned on the booth, and you could clearly see: if he had ever found some bandmates, he would have been one of the greatest rockstars the world had seen. He had the looks, the sass, the attitude – and, of course, you all knew he could break the gates of Hell with his guitar playing. Literally. “And my bro here, he’s really into chocolate. A lil’ too much, if I might say so.”

Vergil, once more, rolled his eyes at Dante’s antics, while the witch giggled gracefully, completely smitten by those charming men that had stopped by.

“I can say the same regarding his love of strawberries. It borders unhealthy even.” Vergil had to use his voice to sting like the thorns of a rose. That made her even more delighted by them – even if Vergil wasn’t even trying to be charming.

“Yeah. I’m an unhealthy stuff kind of guy too, if you know what I mean.” Dante winked at her, making you shake your head while laughing. He was hopeless. “Would you by any chance have chocolate strawberries for us?”

“Well… I don’t have it here right now…” She glanced the twins, taking her cellphone from one of the pockets on her skirt. “But I can work some magic to bring them. Can you wait a bit?”

“I can wait all night for magic like that to happen, babe!” Dante let out one of his hearty laughs and she immediately started typing.

“Does he always makes himself look like a fool like that…?” Lady took a bite from her glistening cherry red apple, crunching it on her teeth – just like you, she would have to retouch her black lips.

“U-hum.” Trish didn’t even think before answering rather uninterested, cleaning a little bit of red love potion that dripped from her blood red lips. “A trainwreck, really.”

“I bet Nero wants to die right now.” Your comment came right before taking another bite from your apple. That immediately turned your attention to Nero, Kyrie and Nico – he didn’t know what to do with himself, blushing viciously while apparently trying to get Kyrie out of there, but she and Nico insisted on staying and waiting for Dante and Vergil’s food to arrive. “Poor boy is gonna die out of shame because of his rockstar uncle.”

“We should’ve told him to dress as something else.” Lady sighed a little hopelessly, one of her hands resting on her hips. “It’s embarrassing.”

“I think it’s fun. Look at Vergil’s face.” Trish pointed at the blue devil with her apple, giggling right as you all focused on his painfully annoyed expression. Every bit of shameless behavior Dante had, Vergil seemed to lack. “I wouldn’t mind watching this the whole night. That’s the best I’ve ever seen of the great Sparda twins.”

“C’mon. You gotta do something.” Nero finally approached you, holding Kyrie’s hand while she and Nico followed him with giggles on their lips. They obviously were having a little bit too much fun with all of that as well.

“And spoil all the fun?” Trish was painfully honest sometimes – making Nico burst into a fit of laughter and Kyrie try her best to hold hers in, while Nero just stared soullessly at the woman in the shiny vinyl catsuit. “You have to admit this is at least… A little fun.”

She winked back at Nero, just enhancing everyone’s reaction. He wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear.

“C’mon… We can at least leave ‘em here and do somethin’ else…” Of all the families he could have had… Nero had to be on that one.

He loved all of you, with his heart and soul, even. He wouldn’t flinch if it came to sacrificing himself for anyone in the crew. But that didn’t mean sometimes you were all too much for him to bear and he just wanted to leave you all laughing together in a fit of anger.

Of course, at least assuring Kyrie he still loved her and it had nothing to do with her.

“Hmmm… I think the kiddo is right, we could get to a line or something.” Lady pointed at the nearest horror maze around. “I mean, the place is packed. It wouldn’t hurt to get us some spots in the waiting line.”

“Thank you, Lady!” Nero seemed like he was about to grab her by her shoulders and kiss both of her cheeks. She couldn’t stop herself from giggling as soon as he wrapped one of his arms around her shoulders, still holding Kyrie’s hand. They were his girls now. “You heard her! She’s right! We’re goin’ to the line, get us a spot, someone should be responsible here!”

“Oooooh, c’mon! What if your ol’ man needs some help, huh?!” Nico had to tease him, making Trish laugh gracefully while already following Nero, Kyrie and Lady.

“Nico, the man escaped Hell with only his hands and his fuckin’ will – I’m pretty sure he can handle a night with Dante in a horror park!” Nero barely turned around, holding Lady forward so she wouldn’t turn back. The woman just laughed alongside his girlfriend. “We’re goin’, ya can stay if ya want!”

“Hey! Wait for me, dumbass!”

“I’m staying with them, Trish.” You winked at the devilish woman, making her agree with her head. “I’ll meet you guys at the line, ok?”

“Ok, beautiful. Just don’t take too long or die of shame, ok?” She winked back at you, slightly waving her hand with shiny claws. “If you do take too long, we’ll wait you at the exit.”

“Ok, gorgeous, have fun!”

With those words, you walked back to the twins, patiently waiting while Dante casually chatted with the witch – pain filling Vergil’s eyes.

“In need of some salvation, blue devil?”

“I don’t think there’s absolution waiting for me…” Vergil sighed, looking down back at you, moving only his head. “I am forever stuck with this fool as my own blood.”

You could almost see sarcasm dripping from his words, Vergil’s silvery eyes filled with a delighted amusement. You were already proficient in reading the twins, so you knew quite well his foul humor was all just a façade so he wouldn’t show his real feelings towards his brother – and even how much he was enjoying that night.

“Ei, I’m forever stuck with ya as my twin too, asshat. Don’cha go thinkin’ you’re the only one sufferin’ here.” Dante immediately joined the conversation, shifting the witch’s attention to all of you. “I’m not the one with a long history of doin’ dumb shit.”

“You guys are twins?” The witch finally asked, pointing back at Vergil.

“Unfortunately.” The blue devil answered in monotone, making her giggle with endearment. Vergil seriously questioned himself why some humans tended to find his sharp comments and stoic expression so adorable sometimes.

“Ditto.” Dante had to agree with his brother. You couldn’t stop yourself from laughing at those clowns. “He’s the one who does stupid shit and I’m the one who cleans the mess, though.”

“Oh, really?”

“You’d think it was otherwise, right?” You jumped into the conversation before Vergil could begin arguing. You knew if he decided to go all out on Dante, there would be a monologue fit for Shakespeare and you’d never leave that place before the rest of the crew got inside the maze. “Who’s the more foolish? The fool or the fool who follows him?”

Vergil immediately turned at you with furrowed eyebrows, his eyes clearly questioning what kind of quote you had just said. It was something he did know, for it was vaguely familiar to him, but escaped him completely.

It was quite a feat to win a quote war against Vergil.

“Star Wars, A New Hope.” You murmured back while Dante’s and the witch’s attention were grabbed by another witch bringing the skewers with strawberries covered in chocolate. “Wise words from old Ben Kenobi.”

“Clearly I need to watch it again.”

“Clearly, blue devil.” You winked back at him, while the witch handed Vergil his skewer.

“I hope it is to your taste, necromancer.” She had so much suggestion dripping from her eyes, you could almost feel it. You had to hold back your laugh while Vergil seemed completely uncomfortable with her flirty demeanor – Dante, in the other hand, didn’t give a damn. “You too, rockstar. Do come back if you want another one, ok? Or if you want something else.”

“Thanks, babe! You’re the best!” Dante replied her wink before leaving the booth alongside you and Vergil – you in the middle of the huge Slayers. Some actors even tried to get you three by surprise in the moment and scare you, but neither you, Dante or Vergil flinched.

Vergil’s hand tightened its grip around Yamato, though, making you hold it as a reflex. It was something he did unconsciously every time he was taken by surprise – and you and Dante always made sure Vergil would know he was safe and there was no reason for using violence.

You were quite lucky he didn’t spawn any summoned swords – that would be a little difficult to hide and to explain.

“Wanna a strawberry, beautiful?” Dante wrapped your shoulders with one of his arms, like a perfect rockstar. He was in character, and you could tell he was loving it.

“Thanks, red devil. I’m pretty satisfied with my apple.” You showed him your empty skewer, having devoured your whole snack. “Nero was too ashamed of your antics and went hiding on the line of that maze over there.”

“Ashamed? I see no reason why!” And, to your and Vergil’s surprise, Dante seemed genuinely confused.

“I am starting to deem myself the more foolish for following him around.” Vergil mused, biting one of the strawberries and taking it off the skewer – some of its juices dripping from his lips. For the first time, he didn’t seem to care about making a mess.

“C’mon! I got us strawberries! With extra chocolate! You should be thanking me, mister smart pants!” Dante pointed at his brother with his skewer, making a small smile appear on the corner of Vergil’s lips stained with chocolate.

“Indeed, that I have.” He recognized, finally relaxing the grip around Yamato – something you felt in your hand that enveloped his. As you started to let it go, though, you felt him tense again, as if asking you not to. You kept holding his hand. “Your foolishness paid off this time.”

“Hey, it always does – and you both can’t disagree!” Dante pointed back at you and Vergil before you could say anything.

“Well… It kinda does, really. I’m not complaining.” You raised your free hand as if you were at gunpoint. “You would’ve been a great rockstar, handsome.”

“Finally, a compliment! You’re gettin’ a strawberry, whether you want it or not, babe!”

You couldn’t really argue against Dante on that – he was always extremely giving, and you wanted him to be a little more selfish, even if it meant starting by enjoying his food all on his own. But Dante couldn’t do that: if he didn’t share it with you, he wouldn’t enjoy it enough. You accepted the strawberry covered in chocolate – with all the help Dante could give so you wouldn’t let it fall or it wouldn’t smear your makeup.

After all, you had just retouched your black lips while he had all that conversation with the witch.

“Oh! She really brought you strawberries! That’s so kind of her!” Kyrie waved as you approached, so you could find them on the line more easily.

“I wouldn’t say it was kindness…” Trish set her devilish eyes on the Sparda’s, making the meaning of her words quite obvious. “But you are dressed as an angel today, dear Kyrie.”

“C’mon, Trish. If you keep like that, Nero’s gonna cover her ears every time you open your mouth to speak.” Lady had to laugh of her co-worker, watching as Nero glanced at them with such an offended expression you didn’t know if it was because of Trish’s comment or Lady’s.

Even though you wouldn’t doubt he would cover Kyrie’s ears whenever someone said something ‘wrong’.

“I’m nooooot…!” Nero didn’t even know what he was disagreeing with, he just wanted to disagree with something.

“You aaaaaare…!” Nico had to drop her two cents on that conversation. “You’ve done it every time I cursed in the van!”

“That’s ‘cause you curse more than a truck driver!” Nero immediately turned at her, looking like he was on the brink of triggering.

“He’s got the short temper from ya.” Dante murmured back to his brother, only you being able to hear what they were talking about.

“The awful vocabulary comes from you, though.” Vergil had to strike back.

There, holding Vergil’s hand and wrapped around one of Dante’s arms, all you could do was smile. You couldn’t have asked for a better family to be a part of.

*

“I really don’t want to go first…”

Kyrie seemed to have her feet – adorned with beautiful and sparkly golden shoes – glued at the entrance. Both of her hands rested over her heart, and you and Lady immediately stepped by her side, each of you entangling your arms around hers. No one would leave Kyrie alone, it was a rule.

She was the innocent angel of the whole crew who should be protected at all costs. It was unnegotiable.

“Hey, if we go first, the actors will think they are the ones scared, remember?” You winked back at her, tightly holding her hand while pointing at the others behind you.

“Besides, we’ll stay here all the time! We’re not letting you go, Kyrie!” Lady smiled at her, making sure the three of you were tight against each other so you all could fit in the smallest of aisles. “If they want to get you, they’ll have to go through me and y/n!”

“Also, they’re all actors. Remember they can’t touch you.” Trish towered behind you, using her nonchalant tone of always. She was born in Hell, it wasn’t like she could get easily scared. “If they do, we can always sue them.”

“Spoke like a true devil.” Dante winked back at her, making Trish blow him a kiss in response.

“I’ll make sure to scream like crazy here behind you!” Nico practically jumped as she followed your footsteps while going into the house-maze. Kyrie couldn’t stop herself from giggling. “They’ll think I’m the scaredy cat of the crew and run after me! It’s a perfect plan, angel!”

Nero, Dante and Vergil followed all of you, like wolves guarding their pack. Dante talked about it with all of you before going to the park: he wasn’t sure how Vergil would react, so it was better if he stayed beside his brother. Nero volunteered to keep his own father on track, making him and Dante casually walk with Vergil in the middle.

The blue devil wasn’t dumb. Even though they acted in their easygoing manner, pointing at the stupid decoration and laughing instead of being scared, Vergil knew why they were flanking him – and was secretly grateful for it. He was used to go full into survival mode whenever something sudden happen – and whenever he was jumpscared. It wasn’t uncommon for Vergil to grab Yamato and judgement cut the TV when you were watching horror movies and he was taken by surprise. He was prone to flinch – but in a deadly way.

You were there to have fun, not to deal with him accidentally killing innocent people out of a survival instinct or having a PTSD meltdown causing mayhem and distress in the whole park. What Dante said was true: Vergil was aware people would fear him more than whatever ‘horrors’ the park could have.

“Ok… Can we run through this room?” Kyrie suddenly stopped on her tracks, pointing a single opening on the other side, lit only by a faint red light. The middle was engulfed in shadows, having no lights whatsoever. You didn’t know what expected you. “I don’t like the dark.”

“Hmmm… I have to be honest, I’m not much of a fan of darkness too.” You eyed the room suspiciously, trying to see if there was something inside – the pitch-black darkness didn’t allow you to do it, though. “I’m all for running and never looking back.”

“Thanks!” Kyrie whispered, looking genuinely happy with your support. After all, you were a demon hunter, just like everyone else in the crew. They weren’t very keen on admitting their fears, so she knew you were admitting that one out loud for her to feel better about it – and it worked. Kyrie didn’t feel like a scared little child.

After all, if a badass devil hunter like yourself was afraid of the dark, it was ok if she was as well.

“We’ll count to three and run for it, ok?” Lady held Kyrie’s hand and you did the same. She looked back, seeing Trish and Nico agree with their heads, ready to run with you. Kyrie giggled – it was one of the very few times she felt invincible.

“Ok. You two, make sure we’re not gonna lose ‘em, ‘kay?” Nero looked at his father and uncle, with them just agreeing with him. He smiled back – there was something warm about them accepting Kyrie was human and having human fears instead of making fun of it. Nero couldn’t be more thankful.

“1, 2… 3! Let’s go!” As Lady announced, you all started running – and, immediately, everyone was laughing. There was something of stupid about it – after all, you killed demons on a daily basis to survive – but that just made it… Special.

It was the first time Lady actually felt like she had friends; like she was part of a group of girls in school who liked to visit haunted houses and giggle as if nothing mattered in the world. It was something she always wanted to have, but it was robbed from her. You could understand that: you finally had friends you were free to be yourself, to hold their hands and laugh, knowing they wouldn’t deem you stupid – knowing they were having as much fun as you were.

With you all, Trish got to live a life she never thought a demon like her could have. You weren’t scared or smitten by her devilish antics, and she was allowed to live, to experience everything humanity had to offer – every feeling, every sorrow, every happiness. Nico and Nero finally had a family: as if you all were siblings, parents, aunts and uncles, knowing none of you would let the other go.

Dante and Vergil… It was the first time since they were kids, they weren’t running side by side to save their lives or stop apocalypses – they were running for fun. It seemed like they were in their home again, playing hide and seek with each other. It was foreign, distant… But warm. Their hearts missed that – they missed being actual brothers, even if they wouldn’t admit it out loud.

As you were nearing the red light passage, though, a door closed and you were all trapped in total darkness.

“Hey, what happened?! What’s goin’ on? Everyone there?!” Nico started asking in a slight panic. It was safe to say everyone was caught by surprise.

“Yeah, we’re here, Nico! Nero and Verge with me! How ‘bout you, ladies?” Dante could see his brother in the dark, Nero a few feet away from them. If they wanted full night vision, they’d have to trigger – but it was probably just something to scare everyone, not an actual problem that called for demonic powers.

“We’re here too! I got Kyrie and y/n with me!” Lady still didn’t let go of Kyrie’s hand, who practically hugged the woman now. “Trish?”

“Safe and sound. I can actually see what’s going on, don’t worry.” Of course, Trish was completely unbothered. “Demon, remember?”

That made everyone let out a nervous laugh. For a few seconds, you forgot there was an actual supernatural being alongside you.

“So, what happened? Is there a way out?” Nico was almost stuttering from the scare, but now she had a slight smile on her voice.

“Hmmm probably. We’ll have to find it, but…” Trish didn’t finish her sentence. She kept looking around the room, seeing all kinds of terrifying decorations as if you were all locked inside a torture chamber. She was sure they’d light some points to help you all see something soon enough.

“But…? What’s wrong, babe?” Dante had his hands on his hips, looking back at Vergil. His brother looked as worried as Trish did, and something weird stirred inside Dante’s chest.

“Nothing. It’s probably nothing.” She dismissed, trying to ignore that pull inside her stomach that told her there was something out of place.

“Hmmm… Probably not, Trish. My hand…” Nero was looking at his fingers on his new arm, now painted as his devil bringer, but he wasn’t sure what was going on. “It’s tingling.”

“Oooooh it’s the spidey sense! His Nero-tingle!” Nico didn’t know where to look, so she was pointing somewhere she thought Nero was standing. “Oooh somethin’ is very wrong!”

“Hey! Don’t call it like that! It’s not a Nero-tingle!”

“Wait, what is it, Nero? I’m out of the loop.” You finally asked, trying to find him in the dark. Kyrie was hugging Lady, who bravely guarded her, so you could try to find the rest of the crew and see what the hell was going on. “We don’t know the Nero-tingle.”

“It’s not a Nero-tingle!” You could swear he would trigger in a matter of seconds. Nero audibly sighed, so done with all of you. “My arm, the one where my devil bringer was, remember? Before dad of the year here tore it off!” Nero pointed back at Vergil, who didn’t say anything. If you all could see, though, you’d see the blue devil looking at the floor like an ashamed puppy. “It tingles whenever there’s somethin’ wrong!”

“Woah, like Frodo's sword? That glows blue when orcs are near?” You had to ask. The words flowed faster than your self-control.

“Ha! That’s even better than the Nero-tingle!” Nico couldn’t stop herself from laughing, even if she was genuinely scared. Whenever Nero felt like that, it wasn’t good.

“I am feeling something as well.” Vergil finally spoke up, knowing Dante agreed with him. “Trish. What do you feel?”

Before she could speak again, a dimmed red light made you all able to see the gruesome decoration. Kyrie flinched in Lady’s arms and you couldn’t stop yourself from at least wincing a little bit: it looked like something straight out of the Hellraiser movies.

“To find a way out of eternal torture, you must solve the room. Good luck.” An ominous voice announced, making you all sigh.

“I don’t think it’s an actual demon…” Trish finally answered Vergil’s question. “I do feel it's more of an object. They probably stumbled into something very real while doing this whole decoration.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Nico waved her hands, finally being able to see everyone. “You’re sayin’ there’s some devil arm or somethin’ like that in here?!”

“I’m saying there is a probability.” Trish sighed, slightly opening her arms to show the room around her. “But there’s a lot of stuff here. We could get started on solving the puzzle and see if we can find whatever it is.”

“Works for me.” Dante immediately started looking around. “Just make sure whatever it is, you guys give it to me, ok?”

“The guardian of the weird devilish stuff.” You teased him, making Dante smile in return.

“What can I say? The shop is almost a museum already!”

It didn’t take long for Kyrie to find a hidden door – eager to leave that gruesome place. The only problem was that you all needed a key to escape, and said key was hidden in that dim lit, cluttered room with fake blood dripping down the walls.

Vergil seemed completely unfazed by all the decoration. No one ever asked him what Hell looked like, but, given his reaction, you all could conclude he saw much worse. Dante seemed completely unbothered just like his brother, always with his carefree smile and even playing around with the fake decoration – to Kyrie’s horror. Nero had a little bit more of good sense, telling his uncle to knock it off, but doing a joke or two.

Trish kept looking as if it was all normal, agreeing with you wincing at some gruesome detail every now and then – even if she was a demon, she lived among humans for so long now, she knew what was right and what was wrong. Any of you would consider her a full devil.

Lady and Nico wandered around with Kyrie, telling her not to look at some things and trying to figure out where the key to the door would be. They avoided some things, calling either Dante or Vergil to take a look when it was a little too much for them but it could have something interesting inside.

It was just when you opened a cabinet that you called Nico to take a look at it with you.

“What’s up, pretty thing?”

“Puzzle boxes!” You pointed at the various rows filled with puzzle boxes of all sizes. If you thought that place reminded you of Hellraiser, now you were positive. “Do you think one of them can have a key inside?”

“Absolutely! If it was me, I’d definitely hide a key in a puzzle box!” Her eyes were now glowing with excitement, seeing the different shapes and forms, from the most intricate to the simplest of contraptions. It was even better than Christmas for the gunsmith virtuosa. “Say, if each of us try to solve a box, we’ll go through ‘em in no time!”

“You gotta leave the simple ones to the Spardas, or else we’ll be stuck here forever.” Your comment made her snort right away, shaking her head in agreement.

“You’re right. If we depend on that nut-head, we’re screwed!” She pointed at Nero, taking one of the simpler boxes and immediately calling him. “Ei! Demon boy! Catch!”

“What?” But Nero immediately caught the box, his reflexes never failing. “The hell is this, Nico?!”

“A puzzle box, you dumbass! Never seen one?” She made it sound like it was obvious, throwing everyone a box she got from the cabinet. “I’m pretty sure they put the key in here. We gotta open them to get out!”

“That… Is actually very smart.” Kyrie turned her box between her fingers, seeing how the flowery patterns complimented each other.

“I know, right?” Nico smiled proudly, having a bright red box in her hands. Each one already worked on their own – you having a cube box that you could swear Pinhead was going to spawn right behind you saying ‘the box, you opened it, we came’. “The faster we work, the faster we’ll get out! Let’s get to it!”

Vergil was the first to solve his box, finding nothing inside and asking Nico for a new one. She was quite impressed he was faster than her, working even harder on her red box. Trish kept her eyebrows furrowed, but couldn’t concentrate: that feeling inside her got stronger and she didn’t know why.

Until the box in Nico’s hands started glowing.

“Hey, guys! It’s an apple! Is that why you’re scared of it?” She laughed it off, while getting ready to press the last button of her box – now a perfect, shiny, red apple.

“What…?” Trish looked at the gunsmith’s hands. Her blue eyes immediately recognized it and the woman tried to reach out to Nico before it was too late. “Nico! Stop! No!”

But it was to no avail: Nico pressed the last button and the whole room started to move, glowing until you all had to close your eyes.

And, when you opened them, you weren’t inside that room anymore.

To Be Continued…

*****

More Author's Notes, 'Cause I Want To Talk To You People:

I'm actually doing a horror movie marathon! I've already watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Hellraiser (the 1st one), The Collector, The Love Witch and Hellfest - got this idea while watching Hellfest and Hellraiser! Mostly Hellfest, because the movie looked like a rom-com in a horror themed park during Halloween and I swear to you guys, Hollywood is missing out on that horror-romance niche. Just putting the idea out there.

So, I just imagined how fun would be to have the crew in a place like that - I've always wanted to go to a horror amusement park, but we don't have much of those here in my country and, when we do, I don't have a group of friends to go with. Halloween isn't much of a thing around here.

Also, while watching Hellraiser, all I could think was Dante and Vergil would seriously kick those cenobites asses.

(and if you guys have any movie recommendations, do tell me! I'm not much of a fan of gore, but I can handle ~some~ of it, if it isn't the whole theme of the movie. Also, hate exploitation movies, aside from that, recommendations are welcome!!)

I actually went on a deep dive on Halloween costumes to decide what would match with each one of the crew xD

And the only reason why the witch from the candied apple booth is a love one, selling love potions as well, is because here in Brazil, candied apples are literally called 'love apples'. It's cute ^^ even though I never ate one, just ignore me

That whole thing brought the candied apple incident idea - I just want to write more wholesome interactions between Dante and Vergil. I think they quite deserve it at this point. There was something of comforting writing the crew's interactions - that's the kind of group of friends/found family I'd love to have. I hope you guys can find your place in here too ^^

And coordinating 8 characters at the same time while trying to give all of them the same amount of "screentime" is actually absurdly chaotic. So do apologize if you felt someone was under-represented, I tried my best while writing. I'm still trying to figure out how to juggle so many characters at the same time hahahaha

Hope to see you guys around for Dante's and Vergil's parts! They will have the same ending when the crew gets together again, but the ~incident~ will be different - and the reader will be their s/o. If I get to make Nero's version, it will, as always, be Nero x Kyrie with the reader being his best friend ;)

Once again, Happy Halloween! I'll be back in time for the Day Of All Saints (that's how it was called here in Brazil ^^)!

[haila-wetyios]

#16 Deiform

“Y’see now? We’ll just lay out alllll these training bags in one row. And I’m gonna shoot them in one go. Ah but you make sure that you’re close enough to be the one recognized as the one that did it by their system.” 

It sounded simple, and there were at least five training bags already lined up ready to be activated. Well, ‘training bags’ was a disservice to them. They just looked like very small stuffed penguins… In the desert… right next to an oasis. 

Ileana couldn’t help but feel bad for the inanimate critters. Whoever had decided to monopolize the advanced training market in the form of local relics sure must have been either high on mushrooms, ale, both, or probably had a personal vendetta against cute animals. The grade of training dummies lined up were barely the lowest available. But thanks to her brother’s whims, savings and overall successful career in plundering from giant creatures, she’d seen the shape of higher grades. And some of them went from boars, small bears, tortoises, and then giant bipedal lizards. 

But the rewards spoke for themselves. They’d all release stored reserves of energy that were perfect for one’s body, and these were vital when most of the sailors out there were living off of moldy bread and ale. In a way, Ileana shouldn’t need them. But… This was a fresh start in their new ‘paradise’, and she couldn’t deny the help from Defined Sea had made her stronger. 

As she finished lining all the penguins up, she readied her staff. The ideal scenario was to just give them a kind bonk to boot them up while her brother readied his overcharged corals to blast them to oblivion. Then she’d be the one rewarded for being closer than him. It was easy, and he’d done this for her in their hideout when all the other greenies were being trained with her ‘new self’. 

But just as she was about to start, Defined Sea turned around to gaze in the direction of the city gates. They weren’t too far off of it. And this small oasis would always greet those heading out into the deeper parts of the desert. Except this was ‘paradise’, and only those from the crew that had made it here could be around. 

“Oh Paul! Come over ye bugger! We were just about to tear these bags apart! Lil’ Ileana here should be ready for anything after this!” 

But… There was no one standing in the direction he was waving at. 

“B..Brother… Who are you talking to?...” Ileana dared ask, slightly alarmed and concerned. She couldn’t see anyone at all. But she had a good idea of the reason behind it. And it made it the more disturbing. 

“Wha? Can’t ye see Paul right there?” Defined Sea answered, very confused as he waved towards no one in particular in the same empty direction. 

“No, I can’t…” she admitted as she tried to stare in ‘Big Paul’s direction. She couldn’t sense anyone, nor see anyone. Even less hear anyone from that direction. 

Defined Sea though, didn’t seem alarmed at this at all. 

“What are ya sayin’” he asked, turning back to the vacant spot once more. 

“Aye aye… Just go back to check on the whelps… We’ll be fine out here!” and with that, Big Paul seemed to have gone off, because her brother focused solely on her afterwards. 

For the rest of the time, Ileana couldn’t focus on all the torn down training bags. She couldn’t because she knew exactly why she couldn’t see Paul herself. 

Her brother sure loved rambling about how he, Big Paul and Bastian alongside a middleman would be the ones to guide the crew into ‘paradise’. But his ego was that of someone aiming to become a god. And now that they were here? In a place that belonged only to them despite looking exactly like their home islands, an exact virtual copy to be exact, they were the only figures that could lead anyone as leaders. 

What she’d not expected was for someone to let it get to their heads farther than her own brother. 

Paul had taken the shape of the only being that could watch over everyone and ‘guide’ them. And the only ones who could see him were those that shared the same authority as him. 

[nat-20s]

practically all of them fit for tendonna but "please stop petting the test subjects" for themb and they're just wreaking havoc at this weird, cool laboratory they found???

LOL remember these prompts from 900 million years ago?? WHOOPS. anyway have this, which is hopefully mostly in line with what you hoped for?

~~~

“Donna, please stop petting the test subjects.”

Donna hears him, clearly processes the words, and then pointedly stops stroking what appears to be a furry nudibranch only so that she can scoop it up in her hands and press it against her cheek. The thing makes trills in response, which emboldens her to throw the The Doctor a flat look and say, “I did, in fact, stop petting them. And they’re not test subjects, they’re, you know….”

The Doctor raises an eyebrow at her, hoping their typical back and forth will disguise the uneasiness that is starting to curl its way aroundhis ribs. “They’re what, exactly, Doctor Noble?”

“Oh hush you. I don’t know exactly, but they’re not a threat! I mean, look at them!”

Pulling out the sonic screwdriver, The Doctor starts to scan them despite Donna’s incensed expression on the odd chance that they’re, say, full of toxin. “Right, because when something is cute and fluffy there’s no possible way it could be a threat. Like bears. Definitely not a threat.”

With an eye roll, she replies, “Yes, because something that fits in the palm of my hand and a bear are clearly equally vicious. How many bears do you have to deal with anyway? Wait, shit, how many bears do you have to deal with? Are we gonna get attacked by a bear? Do we need to get a dog?”

The Doctor has a reputation for being a bit..scatterbrained. Lot of tangents and nonsequiturs come out of his mouth, so most people seem comparatively linear in their logic. Donna is not most people. He pauses his assessment of the critters to stare at her and ask, “What?”

“For bear attacks. Loads of people who survive them do so because their dog helped out. Read about it in wilderness guides.”

“Why were you reading wilderness guides in Chiswick?”

“Because I’ve gone camping? What are you, the literature police?”

“Well I do have the police box-”

“-No! That doesn’t make you any form of cop! We’ve already discussed and settled this! Besides, who even wants to hang out with coppers? Nasty  creatures, unlike the little bundle of joy that I have decided is named Tanya and is my friend.”

“Tanya” makes a cooing noise at this, and Donna sticks out her tongue at The Doctor. The Doctor, in kind, throws his hands up and says, “You can not go around befriending strange alien creatures that you know nothing about!”

“It worked out pretty well for me last time.”

“Last time? When-”

“-you, time boy. You were the strange alien creature.”

The Doctor swallows down the reply that she doesn’t know it’s worked out, that given his track record it most likely won’t. Donna has a low tolerance policy for fatalism and would happily steam roll over that response, so instead he sputters out, “That’s! That’s completely different. For one, I am a person rather than a creature, and secondly, you didn’t find me in a decrepit abandoned research lab!”

Amusement rather than annoyance threads itself into her words when she says, “No, you were just my kidnapper. Completely innocuous.”

The Doctor lets out a groan, about to make a rebuttal, when the sonic screwdriver lets out a series of dings. Holding it up to his face, he mutters, “Oh. Ooooh. Interesting.”

Sufficiently distracted from her lil buddy Tanya, Donna leans over and squints at the sonic as if she has any idea how to read it herself. Maybe one day. “So? Final verdict, is Tanya killing me?”

“No. Well. Eh. Sort of? No. Not yet, at least.”

Donna slowly half pulls Tanya away from her face, giving it a side-eye before looking back at the Doctor and saying, “Not the most promising thing I’ve ever heard. Is it going to go all giant and eat me or something? Is it going to turn into a bear?”

“Not exactly. Our friend Tanya-

“-thank you for using their proper name-”

“-it definitely isn’t but okay. Tanya here is a very distant and much less threatening cousin to the Kantrofarri. Instead of feeding directly on the brain matter, it feeds on brain waves, specifically the emitted by you as a positive response to it’s presence. The noises it emits have remarkably similar effects as that of a cat purring, albeit to a more extreme degree.”

Without realizing she has resumed her stroking of Tanya’s fur, Donna says, “That doesn’t sound so bad. Like cleaner fish and sharks, symbiotic or whatever”

The Doctor tilts his head back and forth a couple times as he replies, “Eeeehhhhh theoretically, yes, under the right conditions, it would be much like having a pet. Mutually beneficial, two sided domestication.”

“However?”

“However, these aren’t the right conditions. With any organism that can directly interact the dopamine center of the brain has risks, and Tanya very well can become addictive, especially if stressed. In fact,” The Doctor pauses, sticking his hands in his pockets as he looks around, “that’s probably the point of this lab. Making a drug out of living creatures.”

Eyes downcast, Donna’s voice is softer as she says, “That’s horrible.”

Somehow, nomatter how many awful things she sees traveling with him, they always manage to surprise her. She hopes that that stays true, that the cruelty of the universe doesn’t become something she’s accustomed too. She wonders if The Doctor is already there.

These thoughts pass in a matter of seconds, before she gives her head a quick shake and says, “Tanya appears to be the only one left around. Is there any..I mean, can we take them home? Is there a home to take them to?”

A small smile appears on the Doctor’s face. “That there is,” the smile grows, “We’d have to skip the spa we came for though.”

Donna rolls her eyes, knowing it’s not even a question for either one of them, and says, “You know, one of these days you’re going to actually have to make good on your promise of taking me somewhere relaxing.”

“You seem pretty relaxed right now.”

“Yeah. No, telling me the small fluffy creature I’m holding was being experimented on to turn deadly is not actually super de-stressing. Little bit of human lore for you right there, I know you don’t get a lot of it in your day to day alien activities.”

“Hey! At this point I’ve spent exponentially more time with humans than my own species! I’m very well versed in your lore.”

“Sure.”

“I am!”

“Uh huh. Then, pop quiz Doctor, what destination would a human such as myself actually find relaxing after we drop Tanya off?”

“There’s this lovely planet called Midnight, admittedly with a deeply toxic atmosphere, but the facilities are incredible! And the views, wouldn’t wanna miss that for the galaxy! Waterfall made of sapphires!”

“But do they have massages?”

“They do in fact have massages.”

“Perfect! I’ll need it after the emotional stress of parting with Tanya. Maybe we could keep them?”

“Donna.”

“Right, right, I know, it’s not right, deadly addiction. I will do the responsible thing here. But then massages.”

The Doctor gives a nod. “But then massages.”

[tfw-no-tennis]

hxh RESUME

back at it again w/the hxh, heres my recap of the last few eps 

ok so i totally forgot to recap that one ep at the end of the hunter exam arc lets see what i remember from like 3 wks ago lollll

i thiiiiink i left off in the middle of ep 21 lol. i really dont remember much tbh so im gonna skim the ep to refresh

exposition time! its so wild that if you lose ur hunter card That It like u cant get another or retake the exam hgabjdfuhasjf Ls 

also the fact that you can sell it is rlly interesting 

leorio & kurapika backing up gon as he confronts illumi again :’) good lil family 

illumi u fool. gon is a shounen protag. he can do anything he sets his mind to

the fact that gon thanks illumi for telling him where killua is....hes literally THAT polite like...what a perfect boy 

hisoka just fuckgin stepping out of the shadows....ok bitch 

the fact that gon fucked up illumis arm that bad with one hand....boi is STRONK 

AUGH AUGH AUGHHHH HISOKA IS SO CREEPY AUGHHH I HATE THIS BIIIITCH 

ok but like is illumi implying that hisoka is a fr p*do bc uhhhhh thats so nasty oh lord. pls stay away from gon, and killua, and like everyone as a matter of fact 

EWWWWWWWWWW I HATE HISOKA HES SO NASTY. PLS STOP MAKING P*RNO FACES IN RELATION TO 12 YR OLD BOYS. 

no but rlly what IS hisoka gonna do now. im assuming he’ll show up p soon (tho probs not in the zoldyc arc like i thought bc its shorter than i thought) 

ok the fact that they have the internet is hilariously wild to me for some reason....it just seems like this would be one of those fantasy shounen worlds with very little tech (a la one piece) but lol nope we can just google shit hvbhjdhjdfks

gon: it was fun when you beat me up for 3 hours and broke my arm! seeya dude!

i love gon he is so chill and doesnt seem to hold grudges except when it really matters (like hisoka and illumi) 

hanzo has.....ninja business cards....thats amazing hvbhsdjkujfnd

dont worry pokkle, leorio was basically carried thru the hunter exam by various people and also won by default. he still deserves his license tho

an exotic game hunter sounds pretty cool! i wonder if we’ll see pokkle again. kinda doubt it? that sounds pretty firmly non-combat based, and therefore probably pretty far from any plot lol

so gons dad is a bigshot huh.....whatever hed be a bigger deal if he didnt abandon his son tbh 

gon swinging his feet on the bench....sooo cute 

so ging could restore a bunch of ruins but he couldnt raise his son...ok

im just gonna be bitter at this guy for abandoning the most perfect boy vhbhjfbsjhdhbfsk sorry dude but being a good hunter doesnt make up for being a shit father 

gon is so precious ;_; 

WHAT WAS SATOTZ GONNA SAY TO GON???

why does it look like theyre googling things on MS paint 

ah yes, padokea, on the continent of Africa But Sideways 

idk if i talked abt it before but the world map is WILD lmao i love how its all the continents/landmasses scrambled around.....im super curious abt that weird island in the top center of the map, thats the only thing that immediately sticks out as not having a real life equivalent 

the music in this show is so charming :’) i love the main theme sm 

gon is sooo precious i literally cant get over it. and his hurry to rescue killua is so sweet....and i love how naturally charming/charismatic gon is....pretty much everyone he meets likes him, especially leorio and kurapika, who basically adopted him after knowing him for like a day, and continue to be completely taken by him

ok wtf is satotz & co talking abt......do they know something abt ging that they arent allowed to tell gon???? shouldnt gon have access to the same info now that hes a hunter? i need ANSWERS

i bet this whole thing abt the hunter exam not rlly being over is a metaphor abt the hunter exam NEVER truly ending bc youre always being tested, or st

ok the ED continues to be So Much like especially the last shot where the 4 main characters look like theyre posing for a JC Penny catalog while the singer goes FULL metal-screamo

ok ruth and i just rewatched the next two eps woohoo

i love that there are tourist busses that take people to the front gates so they can like pose for pics and stuff vhbhjafdsfkj and its like ‘ah yes here are where the local assassins live!’ thats so funny yet it makes so much sense

i love that leorio passed tf out during the bus ride. big big mood 

gon is so cute...hes like ok yes i understand that we’re not supposed to go in but i think they can make an exception for me bc im very polite. 

those 2 dudes r so ugly and so dead god bless

that bigass buster sword....sir please 

ruth and i rlly thot that the old guard guy was gonna turn out to be grandpa zoldyk or st lol

the fact that the dog managed to eat All their flesh but left some clothes....skill 

also the dog is named mike but it sounds like the guy is calling him miku hvbjdfssk

this cant be the first time some morons have been killed here likeeee 

i cant believe nobody has visited the zoldyk estate in 20 years damn they all rlly b havin no friends. depressing 

the whole gates thing is wild. also that part where gon gets the math wrong on the weight.....BIG mood kiddo 

ok the part where gons on the phone w/the butler is soooo good oh man. i love how gon just calmly dials the phone again after hes hung up on the first time and then YELLS....and leorio and kurapikas faces r so good 

also the butler guy unfortunately has a point, it isnt foolproof that gon is here Legit....but he IS let him see his tiny bf :( 

as ruth pointed out, the butler guy is reminiscent of kuro from one piece. same vibes 

maybe if leorio was jacked like he is in the manga/1999 anime he couldve opened the gate that first time around....Ls 

god i love this shows approach to Everything so far,....as ruth put it, half the time its like ‘oh wow they should do [x]/i wish theyd do [x] but ofc they wont cause its a shounen’ but then they DO do [x] and its like damn thats dope 

anyways i love how gon is increasingly approaching situations with his Plucky Shounen Protag Attitude in full swing, and he pretty much gets shot down every time. BUT his general determination to see killua bc killuas his FRIEND and hes gonna RESCUE HIM is still a good and pure motivating force 

like here, when hes climbing over the wall and hes like whatever i dont wanna have to deal w/being tested thats bullshit, i wanna see killua, my intentions are pure, im gonna try my luck with the dog....i was like ok yeah he’ll get over and like tame or defeat the dog and the guard will be suitably impressed bc nobodys ever done That before, and then gon will continue on to get killua 

but NOPE instead the guard calls him down and explains that gon Will Die if he tries that, and then the guard will die too for letting that happen. and gon is like oh shit my actions have consequences for people other than me, wow. 

and THEN the guard takes them in to meet the dog. and hot DAMN that is a scary creature. not even really a dog tbh. they did an excellent job making the dog Legit Scary and not just like, big and flashy looking....those eyes are so soulless, and the proportions are freaky 

and the guard says exactly what i was thinking - that gon would use his Country Boy Woodland Creature Skills to workaround the dog....but then the subversion - this creature is NOTHING like the woodland critters gon is probably used to dealing with. theres no way gon stood a chance here. the guard just saved him from a really unfortunate death 

i love all the Super Heavy Stuff in the servant house that seems so inconvenient vbhjdkfasjfld. also forgot to mention earlier but the guard guy being Absolutely Ripped was wild and kinda funny 

training montage! gon continues to be so cute. and i love so much how leorio and kurapika are like no, you rest, we’ll take care of this. good parents!!!!

and then!!!! they sync up and use the power of gay love to almost open the gate. but then gon uses the power of Improbable Shounen Protag Healing Speed to toss that arm sling off and help out

i feel like leorio was side-eyeing gon like w8 a sec u broke that arm like a few days ago that aint right.....

oh man i almost forgot abt that scene with the zoldyks torturing killua :( :( this poor kid he doesnt deserve that 

also mom zoldyck seems truly awful but i must say her aesthetic does fuck. the victorian-lookin outfit paired with the futuristic cyclops visor thing....excellent. also im betting this face bandages are from killua cutting her face 

this family is so fucked up hvbsjdhjfbakdfn

killua telling his mom that gon is definitely gonna make it there :’) hes got such unshakable faith in his bf thats so good.....

back w/the gang, and immediately they run into more trouble in the form of the young girl butler, whose name i dont know, but i love her....her design is SO good oh man. a non-caricature black person? who also isnt sexualized? in MY anime??????

 i love how gons approach to conflict is currently ‘let more powerful person beat me up for hours straight in hopes that they get tired or something idk bro’ like....i love him lol, is it in an effort to show how determined he is? he doesnt even try to dodge her blows or get around her....id be tryin to hop that fence lol 

oh shit the tiny zoldyk kid from earlier is spying on them....she was w/the mom so im sure thats not good

when he punches the rock part and it breaks....strong boiiii 

oh man that little flashback from when killua first came back and told her that he made a friend ;_; bruh 

i love butler girl :( she wants to let gon but knows it isnt allowed....and as soon as she starts to waver BAM here comes mom zoldyck JFC that was so sudden and jarring....im assuming butler girl isnt dead cause that would be lame and anticlimactic 

also IS THAT NEN??? NEN>>>??? NEN??? HM? NEN????????? 

im so annoying abt nen i need to make one of those ‘is this a pigeon?’ memes w/’is this nen?’ bc thats me anytime anything remotely weird happens lmao

i do think its rlly nen this time tho

anyways shit is wild, cant wait to meet the full zoldyck family 

PREDICTION CORNER: 

as i said above i doubt hisoka will show up now bc this arc is a lot shorter than i anticipated. also im doubting that illumis even gonna show up honestly 

i think we’re gonna have this OP for a while, as the part just at the end shows gon and hisoka fighting in what looks to be an arena, and ik the next arc is the heavens arena arc, which im assuming is the tournament arc....

also i have no idea what that weird building in the OP is but my guess is that its the building w/the heavens arena in it bc its tall and,,,,heaven 

i predict there wont be much fighting in this little arc bc how tf else is it so short. at this point i rlly think gon is just gonna grab killua and go lmao. im super curious abt how thats gonna go down, considering that killua is currently strung up just bc he wont apologize...so i cant imagine his family would just let him leave w/gon. i wonder if killua will fight them, or if gons determination will impress them and then theyll let killua go (doubt it)

thats basically it....we’ll see abt the next few eps holla

[animebw]

Binge-Watching: Pokemon, Episodes 31-34

In which the battles begin to pick up speed, and our favorite losers get a blast from the past.

Step Up to the Plate

You know, for a franchise centered around battles between fuzzy critters with different strengths and weaknesses, I haven’t talked much about the Pokemon battles in the anime version. And that because honestly, we haven’t really had many decent fights. Most of Ash’s gym victories have been secured through non-traditional shows of spirit, and he’s had very few opportunities to have a proper showdown with anyone else. That’s been okay for a while, as the anime’s done a decent job focusing on the realities of living in a Pokemon world that the games couldn’t explore, but I’ve definitely been missing the exhilaration of a proper Pokemon match around here. Thankfully, that seems to be slowly changing, because we get a couple of actual Pokemon matches over the course of these episodes, with multiple attacks thrown, multiple Pokemon utilized after one is incapacitated, and holy shit, this is starting to feel like a proper Pokemon adventure at last! We get a handful of strong back-and-forths in the Fuschia Gym, complete with an always-wonderful “mansion loaded with petty traps” cliche because the gym architecture in this series is always wonderful (using Voltorb’s Self-Destruct as a ninja smokescreen was also a nice touch). And Ash’s run-in with the bridge-bound biker gang (god, I remember these assholes from the game, JUST LET ME GET WHERE I’M GOING I SWEAR TO GOD) ups the ante with tough Pokemon like Golem and Cloyster joining the fray. There’s a lot of quick thinking, making unique use of each Pokemon’s talents... it’s not much, but it feels like the start of the anime finally starting to get comfortable with the franchise’s action elements, and I can only hope it keeps it up as it goes on.

Biker Babies

But fuck all that nonsense, because OH MY GOD WE GOT SOME TEAM ROCKET BACKSTORY! And it’s everything I could have ever hoped: they were biker punks themselves back in the day, and now they’re the cool senpais returned to teach/embarrass their underclassmen in the way of crime. Oh. My. GOD. Suddenly giving the perpetual losers a history of people who look up to them is the best move this show could have made: watching them try to live up to their former comrades’ expectations is a frigging delight. Big Jess and Lil Jim are the icons of our generation, bringing the biker gangs of today into the future with unicycles and being bounced on mid-air as they try to show their kouhai the real way to ride. Let their legacy be writ large as they dejectedly pedal out of the ocean on each other’s shoulders, tossing one last pun over their shoulders: “This is a vicious cycle.” Ye gods, they’re amazing, and I hope this isn’t the last we’ve seen of their sordid biker past. Picturing them as actually respected hooligans makes me too damn giddy.

Best of Team Rocket

-”Poisonous Pokemon are positively perfect for perfidious people like us.”

-”A ninja mansion calls for a Kabuki star! We have to wear these outfits!” THEY’RE SO COMMITTED TO THE BIT I LOVE THEM

-”For some reason, I seem to be losing my lequiebrium!”

-”HOW DARE YOU COMPARE US TOOOoooo I mean come on up, I’d like to have a word with you.” askjdhashkd flawless save Jessie

-”We have to say our motto, or it just doesn’t feel right!”

-And of course the literal cat Pokemon is the lion tamer in this hierarchy.

Odds and Ends

-”It wouldn’t take much time to brush, because Psyduck only has three... hairs.” Something about the way Misty says this line really makes me chuckle. She’s just so done with this daffy duck already.

-Is it just me, or did Meowth switch voice actors? His voice sounds deeper than it was before?

-”Isn’t that color a little flashy for a ninja?” I like Aya.

-She’s such a cowgirl she even turned Brock Southern for a second. Impressive.

-Good god, the Safari Zone is cool. So many incredible Pokemon in a single place!

-Is that one guy just unicycling on a Voltorb Jesus wept

-Lesson number 1: Never piss off the Kangaskhan.

-”His address is listed right here in the Safari Zone directory!” The implication that Ranger Jenny would casually cateogrize a lost kid as a wild Pokemon is something else.

-I think I hate these parents. Colonialist-ass motherfuckers.

-Oh sure, Team Rocket can soar out of a million wrecks just fine, but the instant Tommy’s parents go down in a helicopter you’re making funeral plans.

-I forgot how much I loved the Pokemon soundtrack. It’s so... invigorating.

-”Well, if a certain someone hadn’t destroyed my bike...” Oh sure, you complain, but you were 100 about to smash it over your opponent’s head yourself if it meant saving your Pokemon.

-Wow, Psyduck’s just a regular attention hog, isn’t he?

-”I guess our secret past isn’t so secret anymore!” “I kinda wish it still was.” YOU TAKE THAT BACK ASH KETCHUM

Six badges down, two to go. See you next time!

[tilnathiel]

Interview with the Everstar:

— what did you have for breakfast?

“Pickled egg’n a hunk o’ salt cod. What else?”

— what can you cook perfectly?

“...All right, listen. I can’t be amazing at everythin’ all the time. It’d get boring!”

— if you could choose a pet, what would it be?

“Gingerclaws’d ne’er abide another pet, an’ I’d nay blame ‘im. Cats’re perfect. There when they need ta be an’ fecked off when they don’t, warm but nay TOO warm, keep the rats to a minimum. Right solid critters, them, ten out o’ ten.”

— how is your relationship with your parents?

“...Me mother were a damned warrior-saint, an’ the world’s the poorer fer the loss of ‘er. We don’t talk about the man what put me in ‘er.” A brief pause. “She deserved so much better.”

— what is your favorite read?

“There’s a copy o’ Nesingwary’s travels I’ve been meanin’ ta give another look...”

— do you put both socks on first, or one sock, one shoe?

“Wh-- socks first. Obviously. Who wants ta lumber about with one foot full-booted an’ the other bare?! That’s madness.”

— do you fold your clothes before bed?

“Mate, I hardly remember ta take ‘em off before bed most nights. There’re people out there, absolute lunatics, with full wardrobes o’ clothes just fer the sleepin’ an’ I’ll ne’er fathom why. It’s sleep! Who gives a damn? Just lay yer body down where it falls.”

— how do you feel about marriage?

“...No.”

— who was the last person you crushed on?

“Caid’s got a man wrapped round ‘is... erh. Well, what I mean ta say is, he ain’t... terrible. Fer a brick. An’ a cabbage.”

— what does your dream home look like? and where would it be?

“Dream home, is it? Mm... ye seen them pleasure-barges the Goblins like ta build? I don’t want that-- they’re too big. But somesuch like it. Big broad deck, loads o’ cargo space below. Lights strung up across the masts, them red lanterns maybe like the Pandaren’ve got. I’d have a proper galley, might be even a cabin bigger’n me. Who’s ta say?”

— what’s your worst habit?

“I haven’t GOT bad habits. Only good habits what haven’t had th’chance ta prove useful yet. Poor things.”

— what do you do for living and how do you feel about your job?

“Proud smuggler o’ men’n goods alike upon the swiftest lil’ cutter no one e’er saw,” Nath beamed, lifting his drink for a toast. “--No one climbs upon me vessel what doesn’t want ta be there, mind-- an’ no one gets off o’ her what hasn’t had a word o’ gratitude fer the Everstar. Proper kindness of a gig it is, truly.”

Tagged by: @caideyn and I believe @monster-of-master. I know someone else did too though SO THANK YOU!

Tagging: @theunfortunatedruid @veneficca @mathias-meadowshine @impish-inclination @the-warbound-seraph @irielle-firine @safrona-shadowsun @kaelenar @swordsandsaddles @quelbound @seaandsails and anyone else who wants to!

[tumblunni]

More thinking about the story big sis Bane is from

Lol this is SO awkward how on earth did i create the bff/mentor supporting character before ANY OF THE REST OF THE PLOT but man its been so much fun thinking up different stories she could fit in

* i was talking with a friend and they suggested she'd use a warhammer in battle ans now im like "hmm yes this story must be a game with combat" and that at least narrows it down a bit! I absolutely support her being a buff blacksmith cuddlebug who protects her friends with her fists as well as her mentorly perfectness. Also this friend said they're gonna design me a cool battle outfit for her IM SO EXCITED HOLY SHITTTT

* I'm not sure if the character she's bffs with would actually be a grandpa or just.. Grandpish? I just have this sense that its someone frail and depressed who doesn't believe they deserve friends and family, and they're all hermitty social anxiety until they meet this blacksmith lady who is like Fuck I Will Devote All Of My Considerable Power Towards Making Your Life More Alive. Seriously man i love Bane SO MUCH already!! She's basically a shonen hero archetype?? THE GRAMP AVENGER! Or a grandma or a dad or a whoever this person ends up being COS IF LITERALLY ANYONE IS IN NEED OF HELP SHE WILL BE THERE!! THE BANE OF DEPRESSION!!

* oh but im pretty sure that neither her nor the grandpa are the main character? I dont know why but i just feel like they would be better experienced from an outside view. I wanna be someone making friends with them! Also i feel like the protagonist should maybe be a young kid hero? Like, represent a different archetypal family role in this lil found family of hugs and sads.

* first initial idea- grandpa is a mysterious dark sorcerer and you are his apprentice! Or rather he just SEES himself as a dark sorcerer? Like all magic is considered evil, so even thougj he chooses to use his powers as a town doctor saving lives he still feels like he's a cursed monster. So he has an awkward dynamic with his apprentice cos he just Does Not Know How To React to someone hero worshipping him like this?? Like this orphan kid just came out of nowhere yelling BE MY TEACHER and hugging him and he's like OH NOOOO I CANT LEAVE THEM TO DIE IN THE COLD and theyre like SEE THATS PROOF YOURE GREAT and he's like NOOOOO!! xD i think a sort of "guy who never planned to be a gramp but had grampness thrown upon him" And he rose to the occasion spectacularly!!

* Another idea is that potentially instead of just being a random orphan, protagonist apprentice's backstory is shrouded in mystery? I was thinking maybe of a reveal that gramps actually did use to be a grandpa and his granddaughter died, and the protagonist was his failed attempt to ressurect her using dark magic. And for a long time he's been holding out on the hope that he really did bring her back, and that the protagonist will be able to recover her memories if he just tries hard enough. But as he grows to know you and love you like his own child, he realizes that you're your own person. (Or, well, your own homunculus?) And he takes responsibiluty for the new person he created, and helps you deal with finding out that you're not human, and you just form this very strange cute little family together with also the badass blacksmith lady yay! Also possibly LGBTQ elements because why not? Have the original dead grandkid always be a different gender to the protagonist, and them being trans could resonate with the themes that even though you're a clone you're your own person. And maybe have some sweet sad dream sequence where protag meets the ghost of the dead kid and you see a vision of what they might have looked like if they grew older. So throughout the course of the story you've become very different looking, and now you can embrace your big sibling for the first and last time, and feel like you really are a family. And they tell you to take care of gramps *sniff*

* Another idea is that maybe the protagonist is a secret government weapon? Like the gramps is still a dark sorcerer but instead of the dark incident in his past being a dead family member, its that he was part of a team of magic scientists and found out that his coworkers were crossing moral lines in their pursuit of power. So he finds a bunch of people locked up in a lab being turned into monsters and he managed to save only one of them during his great escape. And now he's trying to hide from them and raise this poor little monsterized kid to have a normal life.

* OR another idea is maybe taking this oc idea i had for a mismagius belonging to charon, because when i headcanon i tend to headcanon so deep i give everyone a full party and every party member needs a deep backstory too, lol. Anyway in that original pokemon version this mismagius was a lot more like an original ghost critter anyway i guess. His name was Hex and his concept was sorta like.. Charon meets kid charon? The other pokemon i gave him were all cute and bubbly to contrast him so i wanted to have one who was equally cynical. But also Hex is actually just a little kid even though he tries his damn best to be a Big Scary Evil Demon You Made A Contract With In Exchange For Great Power but really he's like a nine year old larping as one XD i think the whole concept could work better if he really WAS a magic spirit demon thing that this sad grandpa made a contract with in order to get the power to make his dreams come true. But also he's kind of a reject amoung other contract demon spirit thingies, and he's Really Just Babbu. I had this really sad idea for how he first met his trainer back when he was still a pokemon oc. From charon/new oc grandpa's perspective he found this big ominous scary demon lord and made an unholy contract! But from the demon's perspective he was just a tiny pathetic lonely lil kid who'd been hurt too many times by everyone he once trusted. So he grew to hate all those monsters who make friends with humans, and tried to act all egotistical like he chose to be alone. But eventually he just couldnt take it anymore and he decided he'd just go with the next human who tries to take him. Even if theyre evil.. Itd still be better than being alone. So he put up all those barriers around his true self and was so reluctant to trust gramps, but eventually being togethee has helped him regain his faith in having a happy life, yknow? And meanwhile grandpa is just like "oh god oh fuck youre a BABBY oh god how did i never know WHO WOULD LEAVE YOU ALL ALONE!!!" "Dude im a demon its not exactly normal to care about my wellbeing." "FUCK THAT, I AM YOUR GRAMP NOW"

* so yeah lol loads of different ideas about what the story could be, all kinda similar at heart but wildly varying from an innocent cute protag to grumpy cynical who's secretly an innocent cute protag, lol!

* in any case whoever you are and whoever gramps is, Bane is still be love u as big sis and support u thru the everything, yes

[junker-town]

Which Pokémon would make the best basketball?

Secret Base answers the most important question in human history

You can only look at a ball-shaped Pokémon so many times before certain questions start worming their way through your brain. Why is this thing so round? What would it be like to throw one? Would it bounce? Could I play basketball with it?

These questions may seem heartless, even cruel. But don’t feel guilty: it’s only natural to wonder which round-ish Pokémon would make the best basketball. Secret Base is here to help.

Voltorb

Official Art: Nintendo

According to the Gen I Pokédex, Voltorb is “Usually found in power plants. Easily mistaken for a Poké Ball, they have zapped many people.” So it’s definitely round, which is a mark in its favor. You’d be able to throw and catch one of these with no problem.

Playing basketball, on the other hand, would definitely be a problem. Voltorb is apparently both the size of a Poké Ball, which easily fit in one hand and also 0.5m tall, which gives it a diameter twice that of a basketball. This is presumable some sort of macro-scale quantum effect, and unless we could somehow take the average diameter, basketball seems challenging.

There’s also weight to consider. Voltorb is extremely dense, and appears to be made of metal. Even if it was basketball sized, dribbling would be both impossible and upsettingly loud. Passes would invite serious injury. Also, Voltorb likes to electrocute people and sometimes explodes. The union would never agree to this.

We award Voltorb zero points, and may Ash Ketchum have mercy on its self-destructing soul.

Rating:

Jigglypuff

Official Art: Nintendo

So it’s a little bit big for a basketball. It’d be hard, for instance, to squeeze Jigglypuff through a basketball hoop. But look at that picture! The damn thing looks so squishy that I’m pretty sure you could squeeze its little body into the right shape. It also looks bouncy as hell, ripe for dribbling.

While I’ve obviously never experienced the tactile sensation of throwing a Jigglypuff around, it seems like it has exactly the right heft and plushiness to make it a thoroughly enjoyable experience. Frankly, dunking one of these seems like an absolute dream.

There are downsides, of course. It’d probably be really sad about being dunked and/or dribbled, and I’d feel pretty guilty about all the tears. Then again, I watch the NFL so I’m CLEARLY OK with guiltsports.

Rating: ★★★★

Gastly

Official Art: Nintendo

On the face of things, playing with a haunted, fanged basketball might sound like a terrible idea. And yes, this is probably a terrible idea. Look at that thing. If it’s not clearly evil it’s definitely indifferent to your well-being as compared to its own amusement. Like a cat that can float and/or possess you.

But. But but but. What if this hideous Pokémon of the dim darkness could be tamed? What if it could be taught to enjoy basketball? What if we could teach it to love the sport? Then its powers could be used for good fun.

I mentioned above that dunking a Jigglypuff sounded like a great time. But since I can’t actually dunk anything, it’s not a great time I could possibly experience. If Gastly was the basketball, however, I bet it could fly me around and let me dunk at will. Games would turn into ridiculous supernatural spectacles. The highlights would be unbelievably cool.

It’s still a terrible idea.

Rating: ★★★

Solosis

Official Art: Nintendo

Solosis is our first (and only) non-Gen I candidate, so I imagine familiarity with the lil’ critter is lower than for the previous entries. Overall it’s the right size and shape, and even has about the right weight to be a pretty decent basketball. It can use psychic powers to protect itself from the rigors of dunking etc., and, like Gastly, might even be able to use its special skills to make the game itself more exciting.

There is, however, a downside. If you look at the picture, you may notice that the outer layer of Solosis’ body looks a bit ... goopy? Checking the Pokédex confirms our worst fears: “Because their bodies are enveloped in a special liquid, they can survive in any environment.”

Basketballs absolutely cannot be ‘enveloped in a special liquid.’ Pass. And not in the sports sense.

Rating: ★

Ditto

Official Art: Nintendo

Ditto might look like an amorphous blob in the picture above, but that’s actually what would make it such a good basketball. It is so shapeless it can in fact assume the shape and size of anything it sees. Presumably, this includes basketballs, making Ditto seem like the perfect choice.

There are a couple of caveats. First of all, when Ditto is knocked unconscious, it loses its transformation. Dribble it a little too hard and suddenly your basketball turns into a horrific pink mess (this would be a good prank if the players didn’t know they were playing Poké-basketball). You’d need to have an army of Poképlacements lined up to get through a game.

Second, note the phrasing just now: Ditto can assume the shape and size of anything sees. First, you’d have to coax it into wanting to be a basketball, which would presumably require teaching it to enjoy basketball. The downside there is the prospect of you screwing up a play badly enough for it to judge you. Eating a block would be bad enough without the basketball transforming into, I don’t know, a perfect copy of yourself as punishment.

Anyway what I’m saying is that although Ditto seems a perfect fit, there are enough risks inherent to transmogrification that I’m not so sure it’s a slam-dunk after all.

Rating: ★★★★

I think we can discard Solosis and Voltorb from the get-go, which leaves us picking between Gastly, Ditto and Jigglypuff. Given that I don’t trust Gastly not to do some horror-movie stuff to the participants, we’re left with the choice between Ditto and Jigglypuff, which is to say between unpredictability and guilt.

You can make your own choice from here.

[reilovely-blog]

The One That Starts With A ‘C’

"“Zayn, Zayn, please come home, I need you to come home.”

“Why, what’s up, Lou?”

“The- OH MY GOD! It’s coming for me- Nononono go away you spawn of the devil! No- HELP!”

“Lou?? LOU, what’s happening?! Babes, answer me!” Zayn rushed out, clutching his phone tightly as he hears little panicked whines and screams from the other side.

“Z, Z, please, please just come home, it’s just watching me with its beady little eyes, help!”

“What’s wrong?” He sighed, taking a deep breath and pressing a hand to his chest to calm his heart. He should have known better by now, he mused, that Louis screaming bloody murder did not equate to Louis getting murdered."

~

“Zayn, Zayn, please come home, I need you to come home.”

“Why, what’s up, Lou?”

“The- OH MY GOD! It’s coming for me- Nononono go away you spawn of the devil! No- HELP!”

“Lou?? LOU, what’s happening?! Babes, answer me!” Zayn rushed out, clutching his phone tightly as he hears little panicked whines and screams from the other side.

“Z, Z, please, please just come home, it’s just watching me with its beady little eyes, help!”

“What’s wrong?” He sighed, taking a deep breath and pressing a hand to his chest to calm his heart. He should have known better by now, he mused, that Louis screaming bloody murder did not equate to Louis getting murdered.

“I was in the shower and there it was suddenly in with me, the perverted little shit, and I need you to come and get rid of it!”

“… Lou, what exactly is ‘it’?”

“THE SPIDER, Zayn, keep up!”

“… Look, Lou, I feel sorry for you, babe, I really do, but I’m out on a date at the moment. I’m not running back to help you kill a little spider.” Zayn drawled, smiling apologetically across the table where his partner was flashing him curious but worried puppy eyes.

“IT’S NOT LITTLE-”

“Yes, yes, it’s huge and terrifying, I got it- I’m still not coming home.” He interrupted abruptly, rolling his eyes at his drama queen of a best mate.

“I can’t believe this- Your best friend rights are invoked! I’m never talking to you again!”

“Look, just go over and ask Harry to get it for you; it’s the perfect opportunity for you to talk to him. I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to play your knight in shining armour and rescue you, damsel in distress.” Zayn sighed heavily, running a weary hand through his hair lightly, a smirk breaking across his lips at the flustered spluttering he could hear from the other male.

“Shut up, I hate you. I’m going to change the locks so you can’t get in.”

“Love you too, idiot. I’m hanging up now; I’ll see you later.”

~

Louis stared at his phone in disbelief. Zayn did not just hang up on him.

He raised the phone to his ear again, growling furiously at that obnoxious beeping that greeted him- he DID, that lil-

The caramel haired male froze at the slight movement he spotted at the corner of his eye, wide frightened orbs darting to the door to see the black hairy creature skittering towards him.

Louis did the only logical thing he could think of in the moment- He screamed at ran for the main door, flying across and thumping desperately at the door beside his.

“Curly, Haz, I need your help!” The door flew open to reveal Harry, topless and clad in (frankly very scandalous, in Louis’ opinion (and also very drool worthy)) yoga pants, curly hair pulled in a bun- Louis almost choked on his tongue, mind going blissfully blank as his eyes followed a few stray droplets of sweat lolling leisurely down the taller male’s abs.

Louis sighed internally, wishing he could be that drop of sweat.

“Louis? What’s wrong? Is everything okay?” He was snapped out of his thoughts by Harry’s deep voice, humming distractedly as his eyes flicked back up to meet worry darkened forest green ones.

“Hmm?”

“Are you alright, Lou?”

Oh right. He was here for a reason, wasn’t he, for the spider- THE SPIDER.

“No, no, look, I know we’ve only just met a couple of times, and even though I like to think of us as friends, but this must be so weird for you, and I assure you that I’m not one in the habit of showing up at stranger’s houses practically naked- even though I do fancy the pants off you, and while we are on the topic of pants, can I just tell you how sinful you’re looking right now in those- anyway, I feel like you might like me too, but that’s not the point! Thing is, I was in the shower and there was this thing and I rang Zayn, but that dick wouldn’t come home, and then it came for me, and I swear to God it’s trying to eat my head, and now I can’t go back in, and I just need you to get rid of it. Please.” Louis gulped, words spewing uncontrollably with the emotional stress of having to face that spider and now having to face his very hot and also wonderfully perfect neighbor, big blue eyes staring at Harry pleadingly as the other male stood shocked in his doorway.

“Uh- I- I’m not even sure what to say, but yeah, okay.”

“Okay?” Louis blinked up at Harry, lungs stuttering with relief. Harry shrugged nonchalantly, flashing a deep dimpled grin as he reached behind him to shut his door.

“Yeah, even though I’m not sure what exactly I’m supposed to do, but I’ll help you, Lou.”

“Oh, you’re a lifesaver, Harry Styles!”

~

“Thanks for that, Haz. Seriously, you don’t know how grateful I am.” Louis breathed out happily, flopping over on the couch and smiling up at Harry, drained from screaming the locations of the spider at the latter as he scurried around to catch it.

They finally did after what felt like an eternity but was probably really only ten minutes, Harry running downstairs to release the little critter back into the wild.                                                                                

“It’s not a problem at all, Lou. ‘M happy to help.”

“Yeah, well, would you… Would you like to go out to dinner with me sometime? My treat, of course, as thanks for today?” Louis offered tentatively, smiling bashfully at the delighted smile blooming across Harry’s lips.

“Oh- I- yeah, of course, I’d love that.”

“Say… tomorrow night at 7?”

“It’s a date, Lou.”

“It’s a date.”

~

“Haz! Haz, thank God.”

“Lou? Wha- Why are you whispering?” Harry paused, eyebrows furrowing with worry at the genuine fear he could hear in his boyfriend’s voice.

“Never mind that, it’s not important. Listen, you need to get home right now.” Louis hissed down the line, words fumbling together hastily as he peeked out into the hallway of their home.

“What? What happened, Lou? Are you alright?” The curly haired male questioned, mind racing with thoughts of what could have possibly gone wrong in the hour he’d left Louis to his own devices. He’d fed him before he left too, so it wasn’t likely that Louis’d burnt the place down trying to cook, and last he’d seen his boy, he’d been giggling at something on TV.

“No, I’m not alright, Harold! It’s an emergency- They’re here!” The smaller male spat out, heart pounding frantically as he darted nimbly across said hallway, movements swift and silent to prevent them from finding him.

“They’re-? What are you talking about, babe? Who’s there?”

“You know what I’m talking about!! The one that starts with ‘C’!”

“The one that starts with ‘C’? Lou, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Harry pressed in exasperated confusion, rolling his eyes at Louis’ rather dramatic reply.                                                                                    

“The one we do not speak of!”

“Oh. Oh. Lou, I need you to pack our bags, we’ll be staying in a hotel until the exterminator gives us the all clear.” Harry gasped with realization, lips pinched tight as he quickened his pace to the car.

“One step ahead of you there, Haz. All bags packed- yours too- and hotel booked.”

“You are a god send, Louis Tomlinson. I’ll meet you out front in 15.”

“I’m already here waiting, H.”

~Fin.~