#even if its well into summer now-
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Hey I have a fic question! Any Trigun stuff in the works 👀
Hello!!~
oooohhh, good question :3
there's a lil drabble from the 'spring prompts' list (I know, I know, it's summer now 😭😭 I'm so bad at completing things fast with so much going on irl lately and the writing braincell taking a loooong vacation~) but otherwise, I still have a few ideas here and there stashed away in some google docs, but nothing currently seeing the light of day~
this is a good little reminder to go check that though! see if there's anything there the inspiration is hitting on~ aaaaand a reminder to work on that drabble a bit more, get that out so if anyone wants it they can enjoy a lil T/rigun morsel!~
thanks for the ask lovely!!~ hopefully this answer isn't too disappointing 💗💗
#waterfallasks#thanks for the ask non!!#i haven't thought about t/rigun in a bit now (even though wolfie is still quite close to my heart)#time to dig out the google docs and see if anything sparks! but no promises for that much <33#though the drabbles i DO intend to do!#even if its well into summer now-#its still good to keep the braincell in use!#that and tiny wavs are where im living as i wait for motivation (and irl free time) to kick back in#been very busy in my friend group and with a few irl matters#but! the moments i DO have to spend on here are always enjoyable ones <3#this community is amazing and even though ive dipped out a little more than id normally want#i still care about and love SO many of you on here!!!#and am ALWAYS excited to see all the amazing content and posts everyone is making <3#sorry this turned into waterfallgushes a bit but <3 i adore everyone here
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summer of junior year 06/11
#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#gorgug thistlespring#riz gukgak#kristen applebees#figueroth faeth#fabian seacaster#adaine abernant#the bad kids#this is like. the First time I put down a palette for the kids lmao#I thiiiink its pretty consistent with the tones I did with my early sketches? iirc#gods. Ive been staring at this for Hours. I need to sleep lol#summer... it is happening. I feel like that always brings with it big emotions for me#it is. a little bit funny to me that whether these kids get a peaceful summer or not depends fully on how many roll20 campaigns happen#between now and a definitive end/last season of fh lmao#but also the last ''summer'' movie I watched was uhhh summer of 84. which. mmmmm#grim affair! so I'd need to stock up on less gloomy stuff to even think abt this...#well. what I need right now is sleep. so sleep I shall. thank u for tuning in today. see u again I think
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now i'm the one going ahead
from little women (1994)
#the museum#the library#watched that movie today and now im making it everyones problem!!#its also nearing 1am and i had a mug of caffinated tea far too late . so. Also making that everyones problem#((also tangent . adore greta's version of little women however. the 94s beth death scene makes my chest hurt))#nothing else hurts like the knowledge of only having so much time left#as if . their time together is now a summer camp yknow? you try so hard to be in the moment and to cherish every ounce of sweet memory#even with the knowing that your time together will soon end and you may never talk to each other again#but you sleep well at night because at least you were together at all#something something intersected lines eventually have to break away . they will run parallel now :)#charlos#charles leclerc#carlos sainz#cl16#cs55#f1 web weaving#kinda not rlly#f1
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mtt therapy moment except dust keeps taking breaks to talk to phantom papyrus and horror just wants this to hurry up so it can get to his turn because he couldn't give two shits about dust and killer's trauma and killer physically cannot discuss his issues and just starts zoning out while crying for some reason during it
and i'm the therapist listening to all of this writing down notes fervently because ITS CANON MATERIAL CANON I NEED TO GET THE CANON MATERIAL
#i have to break apart like 34 potential fights with my otherdimensional godly creator powers#i would be an ass therapist i will not lie. infact i would make them worse with my knowledge of their lives. never put me in a room w them#OH MY GOD I JUST REVISTED THIS IDEA AFTER LEAVING IT TO COLLECT DUST (hehehe) IN MY DRAFYS FOR A MONTH#ANS TJIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY HELP 😭😭😭😭😭 HELP😭😭😭😭😭😭#still real tho highkey i havent changed 1 bit. ITS CANON OMG WRITE THSY DOWN WHAY WERE THE EXACT REACTIONS#ive got these guys wearing microphones i got cameras in the room i got advanced psychologists watching to explain every detail#is it a therapy session or just a badly disguised interview#nooo nooo its therapy......DONT LEAVS!!!! (activates the chains (that coincidentally all are connected to eachother) (heheheheh))#now youCANT leave😈😈😈😈😈 not until im done asking my questions ASSHOLES. dont question the handcuffs that keep you guys together please#actually id probably get like nothing out of them because theyre all repressed and defensive and whatever. BUT im simply more determined so#tricule rant#killer sans#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au#fandom event if the mtt ever became real. we're all lining up to the facility to ask one question#world's hardest challenge: if you could ask the murder time trio one thing what would it be#FUCK idk...... id simply hav too many questions!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!#triglycercule do your homework SHUT UO RESPONSIBLE VOICE IN MY HEAD!!!! I WONT!!!!! NOT UNTIL THIS IS DONE#fall headcanons for the trio when. i'll think of them once i'm done with homework#see a reward system! now i have a thought that i dont wanna say in tags this will be going to the side blog#anyways! i think that's enough drafts undrafted and posted i REALLY need to do my homework#i dont even have that much it's literally 2 assignments but i know damn well doing 1 of them is gonna bring me to dream and nightmare's age#sigh......... i hate school bring me back to summer break i wasSO productive. SMH
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sunstroll
#pokemon#swsh#rival hop#professpr hop#communication coming thru from the 32 degree C midday land#it is. kind of summer. not really but its at the door#gods. disgostang. time to draw in orange#Ive been chippin away at this one while drawing the comic so I dont like. lose my mind#and now this is done! and the comic has three pages left!!#I am Going to Do It tonite. I am Going to Get That Shit Done#tomorrow there will be sad monster for ya#but for now. theres hop in more clothes. bc I really do not give him enough#coloring this one was a Challenge lol... I got too used to the kind of color aggression goin on with leon#hop has more harmony goin on in his vibes so I had to pull some weird plays for this lmao#and then everything still ends up hypersaturated bc. well its me. this is just how I am#but I'll take it!! it was pretty fun once I sussed out a way forward. coloring is always a Time#have a good day! wish me luck! boy oh boy we sure have an evening in front of us
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Work day is done, might as well share my last animation exercise of the school year :'DDD
(This character, Elyot, also belongs to @maddcelestial :DDD)
#Finished it last minute to add it to my demoreel#I really like how it came out#Even though I can now see some of its issues and it makes me upseT#BUT#summer break also means more free time to practice and get better before the next school year!!#(hopefully)#my art#doodle#oc#the rift#elyot#the rift cartoon#Oh yeah! This character is part of another project of Mads and I heheheh#This guy's silly#He also might be voiced by a certain guy some of my BJ fan folks might know very well... heheheh#Just sayin
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Would you like some strangely elaborate specific ass headcanons? Of course you do!!!! Also I'm outsourcing a very specific dilemma. But you have to Learn My Methods first. Okay? Okay!!!!
PIERCINGS. AS STORYTELLING DEVICES. GO!!!!
Okay! So what the hell are we looking at and what exactly am I trying to determine, here? Well!!! There's a few different facets to this.
FIRST OF ALL. REALLY REALLY CUTE AND ALWAYS SO FUN TO ME
One, two, three!!! They're a set of three, and they're marked as such by how many sets of piercings they have in their ears. It's such a small detail that happened more by coincidence than intent, but it makes drawing all three of them together feel coherent and again, fun! I also really like the storytelling/contrast of the Askr siblings having golden jewerly, while Moe's is in silver (it does mix silver and gold more broadly -- but I'm talking just the face/ears here!). You get the sense (... in addition to Moe's more scruffy appearance in general), that one is from a more "common" background.
Okay, but what's all that text? STORYTELLING.... 2
Piercings, as a way to indicate connections to other characters, and to imply background information.
First example, it's noted that Bruno has had his in for a long time (... kind of regretting the specificness of "as a kid". That's supposed to have implications, but tbh it may be more fitting for Bruno as a whole to simply have said, "A Long Time"). He wears something modest, maybe a common stone, but still eye-catching. I like to think Alfonse became enamored with it (guys can also do this???), same way he was completely smitten by all of Zacharias. One extremely questionable piercing job courtesy of Zacharias himself and egged on by Sharena (who made a generous donation and/or sacrifice from her own jewelry box) later, it's a miracle he managed to heal them. Equally impressive is how long he managed to hide them as a teenager.
Meanwhile, you see Sharena's example is pretty straightforward! Assigned ear-stabbing at birth. It worked out well, though! Aside from that one time where her piercings mysteriously closed up and they had to be re-done, when she was little. Which could mean nothing. Alls well that ends well! In fact, she liked the look so much she decided to get another set done! Which may or may not come back later...
I will admit, the saddle plugs on Bruno were an impulse decision I made drawing this out (so not a super strong design headcanon, and maybe I could draw it better w more practice tbh, test run ect ect), BUT. MORE IMPORTANTLY. That idea, AND NEXT UP: STORYTELLING... 3.
On top of noting significant connections and providing background information -- here, you have gaining more and/or doing different Things with your piercings, as a way to indicate the passage of time or a change of taste. Woah, that's a lot of text! That's just my autism showing, I'll do you a favor -- with Moe specifically, the biggest takeaway here is:
One, two, three. There are other iderations of Moe of course, plenty of awkward in-between stages. But as I've developed it, I've found that there's like... three really plot relevant parts of its life. One easy to forget, two OH GOD OH FUCK, three that's the guy who lives here now. AWESOME!!!!
OKAY. OKAY. PEONY she has BEEN HERE THIS WHOLE TIME. What's up with that?
So we have background implications/information, we have connections to other characters, and NOW. WE HAVE. Paths that diverge. Sharena, 2. Peony, 1. Plus, a little bit of shape language with those tear drop earrings... on Sharena specifically...... ohghhghhf........
I've always been really indecisive with my Peony designs (for some reason it has been SUCH A STRUGGLE FOR ME), but I do like the simplicity of this one actually. The "Princess Peach core" note about Sharena is more about her color palette, but after writing that I went You know what. Fuck it *gives Peony Princess Peach earrings*. This does feel subject to change, but the idea they could be like water droplets is so cutes... I have really wanted to give Peony earrings with a blue gem though, BECAUSE...
The blue and silver are a nod to this reoccurring detail on Peony! So not only does it tie back to Sharena (IMPORTANT), it also (theoretically.) ties together nicely overall!!
Okay. So. Where does this leave me. Why did I draw all this out? All these little details that exist in my mind, why did I go out of my way to create this elaborate in-depth demonstration? Remember when I said I was gonna outsource some shit?
PROBLEM: I NEVER. EVER. EVEEEERRRRRR KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH LIF'S EARRINGS‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ AND THE LACK OF DIRECTION IS BECOMING MORE AND MORE GLARING EVERY FUCKING TIME I DRAW HIM‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
And what prompted all of this. What REALLY made me Think About This. I did another "ehhh Fuck It" with Lif's piercings, where he's sharing a panel with Moe, and
Ooughgughfhghhh...... them having the same earring arrangement.
But then. Then. I got autism brained about it. I can see Bruno having fuck all time to stretch his ears while on some gayass journey (... the. Timelines. Time in between Events. Maybe he wouldn't have full big stretched ears in Book 1. HOWEVER). Inconvenient, maybe, but if he's dedicated to the grind. He can do it. And I mean, have you seen his muscles? Dude CARES about his appearance. Meanwhile Moe ABSOLUTELY had fuck all time to stretch its ears before arriving in Askr. Then I'm thinking about Alfonse. NEVERMIND how much time it takes to stretch your ears, I'm thinking about the Number Rules. I'm thinking about how he's One, the first guy of a set of Three. I'm thinking about the Number Rule, to indicate Time. Why WOULD he have Three? The Number Rule, as Paths Diverging. There's Two of him, not Three. ALSO ASKING MYSELF "Would Alfonse get more piercings???" LIKE NO. BECAUSE. THE. THE RULE OF THREE. THE ONE TWO THREE. WERE YOU EVEN LISTENING‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😫😫😫😫😫
Idk am I just insane. Am I a lost cause. Lif's ears are usually covered up by his long shaggy hair anyway. But really that does just make any time any piercings Would be visible, just. I am just so deeply conflicted torn between Goth Alt Men Hot and THE METHODS‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ THE STORYTELLING THE METHODS MY DEEPLY INTRICATE RITUALS‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️���💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥
#fire emblem#feh#bro why do i have the intricate piercing hc autism................... of all flavors of autism..........#like even within my special interest. i am on some NICHE bullshit. all of yhe fucking time.#the number rules only go for ear piercings. btw. if that fucking means anything#do you wanna hear more oddly specific piercing hcs.#something i lowkey regret my most recent summer sharena is i think it would have been cute to give her a navel piercing#and it was be soooooo funny. of both askr siblings were like. okay well i want a hidden piercing actually.#again like almost we got the rule of threes here too. if we were to fuse them we would have one fully decked out guy.#* most recent summer shari being the one i did for sharena week! it's like a year tradition for me... to draw a Her..#anyways i spent so long typing yhis up and i haven't even done text transcribs yet. goodbye forever.#fe alfonse#sharena#fe bruno#fe peony#fe lif#moe tag#summoner oc#moe ref#yeah sure actually. i'll file this under that. you get a p good look at its piercing arrangements at least#past and present.#now the real question is do i tag mani... that's... moe isn't it? but the same rings true for mani. aesthetically.#eh.#mani tag#my art
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aftermare week final day and bonus(ses…. boni???)
geno - crayonqueen / nm - jokublog / aftermare week - @bluepallilworld
these were made for the final day (i didnt get ideas for the clouds part)
(i have this saved for day 4 but idk) yeah girls .
also hi hello it‘s Pipsi (one letter variation from Pepsi as to not cause suspicion from Night) 🥰🥰🥰🥰
#my artsies#sorry that im This late school knocked me out but its summer vacation now Yippeeeeee#HAHAHA PIPSI I LOVE PIPSI 😂😂😂😂#aftermare#aftermare week#aftermare week 2024#belated…. but yeahs#aftermare ship kid#pipsi#pipsi ship kid#no official ref (yet) im dead#geno sans#nightmare sans#nightmare x geno#geno x nightmare#I do feel a bit bad even if I know I was v tired…. i hope u bluey feel better now as well cos you deserve to feel happy and joyful!!!!!!!!!#i love aftermare……. ill think about them again
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Canvas drawing dump! Happy bday p3! (can u tell I'm hopelessly obessed with ryomina still)
#persona 3#persona#p3#minato arisato#ryoji mochizuki#ryomina#hamuko arisato#aigis p3#hamuaigis#ngl i havent drawn anything for p3s bday💀 i dont even have any ideas rn#but i feel like i need to post more to stay on top of being active and stuff😭😭#ive mainly been more active on twitter rn and ive been finishing comms as well#BUT NOW ITS THE SUMMER HOLIDAY IM NOW HALFWAY DONE WITH COLLEGE#its kinddd of scary to think abt that ngl#also also I GOT A MINATO NENDO LES GOOO he arrived a week ago and i LOVE HIMM#uuh i hope whoever has read all these tags has a great week#sorry ill try to post more😭🩵
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Just when I think the day's going well, I crash a golf cart
#summer camp tag#ace is a mess#i do not have a drivers license and i havent even been behind the wheel in like 4 years since i stopped lessons cus of the pandemic#the day was going fine i got loads done didnt feel like i was irritating my director too bad#doing some paperwork for her and she says when im done well take the golf cart out while its not currently raining#im like ooh fun never been in a golf cart before i see the higher up staff in them im not gonna say no to chilling in a golf cart#i did not realise that meant i would be driving esp when she asked if id been in one before and i said no#she then asked if i could drive and i said not really thought that would be it#cus i was supposed to be studying for my theory before working towards my practical#but no she insists im driving and first off i gotta reverse outta this bay now at least i didnt have to think about gears#but i hate tryna figure out how to turn whilst in reverse in mess with my brain im not great with shape visualisation#we do all our stops its fine for the most part a lil too fast going down some of the hills#and some tight turns but my turns were always like that cus im too busy focusing on the most immediate thing#we get back i park fine and then shes like oh actually there are some more stops we can make so i reverse and turn back out#do our two stops with only minimal confusion about direction then as i go to park into the bay we came from#shes like oh actually park in the bay closest to the health centre and what i should have done was reversed and adjusted my angle#instead i drove directly into the supporting beam separating the two bays 🙃😭#i immediately turn the cart off and expect her to switch with me instead shes like laughing it off oh it was just a little bump it was fine#im like it was not that was a loud ass bang i feel so bad and then she lifts up the light cover i broke off saying its just a scratch#and i feel worse so pf course thats when the camp director comes out to check on the noise and i dont think ive ever worn a guiltier look#but theyre both laughing it off oh just having a little driving lesson :) and i am mortified#she gets back in the cart and shes still insisting that its fine and i should still park after that which i do with great trepidation#but there are no more problems and the lights still work but the cover does need fixing and i just oh my god#ive never crashed before never clipped or scratched a car so of course id crash the golf cart trying to park of all things 😭
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applied for a job a while ago and wrote in my spreadsheet "i am not fucking getting this job" not because of the qualifications but because my application was honestly just not that good. today the lady called me and scheduled an interview. Ok
#mine#i dont knowwwww though#urgh...#its in the city where i went to college so i know its a nice place thats familiar to me#but its also pretty hcol and the job itself is like...idk about the pay#the content of the job is good though like its basically exactly what ive been wanting to do#but then i keep coming back to my hysto...i really want that too#it sucks its like a rock and a hard place you know#i dont want to keep delaying this surgery i want my shit gone NOW#but at the same time i dont want to keep delaying my ~career~#and then i think well theres more jobs in the world...but then i think about how few ive applied to since graduating#and how long it might take me to find one after surgery#and if ill even want to or not cause this country is getting old#i want a job...but i also want my hysto...#i dont want to like get a job and then go do it and then be stuck for ages waiting for PTO and bennies to kick in and to find someone who#can take care of me when i can instead do it now like i already have a letter from my therapist and consultations upcoming#but also i need money and i dont wanna fuck up my early ~career~ days#I DONT KNOW#its a lot#i just wish id done the damn surgery sooner but i couldnt in 2023 cause i was working that summer#and this year i naively thought that i would be able to get a job relatively fast and just get hysto next year after working for a while#WHATEVERRRRRR#the interview isnt for another week and a half so ill talk to my therapist and see what she thinks#if i need to cancel the thing i can if not then i wont#ughhhh
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i was trying to figure out what date the trip album ids go by, and i think i did it hink it just counts all of the season that stella maris took place in But it was frustrating me at first bc. it has shinobu and tetora as 17 and midori as 16 and chiaki and kanata as 18 So itd be before chiaki kanata midori bday but after shinobu tetora so like, late june through late august But i was like wtf bc i felt like i rmbred stella maris being in earlier spring WELL ACTUALLY NO IM CONFUSED AGAIN BC STELLA MARIS Is spring of second year of es. so shouldnt they all be 1yr older than that Or am i stupid Or is it not going by date of stella maris.
#first i was confused bc i thought of stella maris as in like earlier spring like april or may so shinobu and tetora bday shouldnt have#passed yet but the#i mean if its in like the last few days of spring. then yeah their bdays would have happened. so i was like ok thats chill. plus i swear#tropical was specifically in like april so itd make sense for stella maris to be later spring#But now im more confused than before bc yeah shouldnt they all be 1 year older#if its second year of es#???????#do i not know how dates work or what#like with those ages wouldnt it be late spring/early summer of the First year of es ?????#but i assumed itd go by the date of their climax event so#well whatever#the little box thing the album came in is sooo cute it has a little handle#i dont even have a cd player but once i have like a car or smtg#going to get a decked out speaker system and blast relax paradise while speeding in residential areas
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Just Desserts continental northern map made using this method! :D (Patreon)
#My art#Just Desserts#The JD residents all live on the northmost landmass in the middle green area - which I've been calling The Basin#It's a fairly flat area that has a very extreme mountain range to its north#They jut up extremely and then clifface on the coastline - keeps the Basin very protected from high moisture!#I've mentioned before how the JD universe doesn't really have summers - I mean that's Partially true#The Basin only experiences three seasons but the more south you go the more seasonal variation there is#But Residents can't stand the heat - even ones that are pastries that would require heat to bake don't fare well day after day#So none live in warmer climes! Other things do tho :)#It's funny to me how piecemeal this idea came together haha#The map-making trick is hecka cool! And it was definitely the push I needed but there are other bits of this that fell in line first#Most especially the fun little idea that I've doodled here or there and talked about in bits and pieces#Of how since the residents are candy that they mine teeth like cavities haha - it's canon now! >:3c#The northern mountains are the silhouette of the lower half of a human jaw! And with how they jut up - the mountains are shaped like teeth!#The Basin is the basin of the mouth/jaw where the tongue would normally be - the tasty bit haha#And residents do have a calcium-mining industry up there - and if the deposits happen to form in a specific shape well ♪ Hehehe#I'm still parsing what I'd like the mineral to Do exactly - it's more likely to be a building material than a food item but hmm#Why would they have such a need for it! Something more to consider#For now it's just a fun idea that finally got put to reality hehe ♪ And it was a fun thing to work on! :D#I'm not sure yet of what other landmasses might be around - maybe this is the whole world! - or what other fauna and flora there is#I'm back on thinking about Elemental Magic so there's that lol I can't help it#I'd like for the JD universe's magic system to be a little more defined :) Every little step helps!#See if you can identify the other silhouettes I used! :D
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Made a very scrappy little wind chime out of failed spindles. Some of them were too twisted to spin, some I made before I learnt how to off center the tips correctly, and some I just fucked up while making. It's not very windy today but generally it's super windy here, so I'm lookin forward to hearing them. They're very low and melodic. Also strung up some new lights, swept 8 months of winter debris off the back porch, put up a little tapestry, cleaned off the chairs and table... did another wind chime with the absurd amount of random keys we have which dont go to anything and which just make it really hard to find the right key, altho im having a hard time getting it to sound, so i might need to redo that one.
#1 most important thing in the summer to me is having a pretty back yard with lights strung up#where i can sit and smoke and spin in the evenings#dandelions are suddenly in full bloom as well. so beautiful all of a sudden#words cannot express how glad i am that its no longer winter#we didnt get spring its just summer now lol#7-8 months of winter n then 4-5 months of summer. miserable. i hate oregon with a burning passion#literally everything about it sucks so bad ❤#one day i will live somewhere warm again where it doesnt rain 200+ days of the year
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This really was our yumenosaki academy♡
#sooo baaad even if i graduate in summer theyre not giving me the diploma til end of 2024??#lets all brainstorm how i can get shu's human comedy monologue up on a poster advertising the grad show... for funsies really#its in my intro to the essay but it doesnt really have much to do with the visuals. which is what i'll need to submit for the posters#hmm well... no thatd look bad. i could go open indesign now but i dont want to i wanna go homeee#ive given up on caring about the project im just committed to the bit the target audience is me myself and its my requiem to art#but ive been telling people about my visual project and they all said theyre really excited to see it...? but it takes me months#of severe despair to get a good concept sorted out. im glad they all said they cant wait to see it... im curious myself#tomorrow ill try to play with recording it. then really lock in to the visuals#what are we thinking. digital spaceship or a real life installation?#the setting is you as the audience are an intergalactic truck driver passing by earth tuning in to the radio listening to a professor#studying humans give a talk about them. mini podcast ig? intergalactic cultural radio vibes?#you get it#so the audio is quite important but then also the setting#do i make it digital and ppl put on headphones and watch a screen?#or do i make it an installation irl#it wouldve been quite good if i made it in vr but i have 3 weeks no experience in the medium and um. well. yeah#i think it's a nice goodbye since i get to project my views on humanity through the alien and also he's a revamped version of#my first ever proper oc. carl the alien#isnt that a nice way to end this journey for now? i think so.
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#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before#is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things#the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the#weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad#not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a#prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country#my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for#treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad#as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain#shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing#to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird#when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk#i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach#out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like???#this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home#somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms.#but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long#term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting#whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot#i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors#i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival#unrelated
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