#even if its unintentional or referring to different things. no trust here

[hollyhomburg]

Before I Leave You (Pt.63)

(Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)

Summary: you never thought that just cuddling with Hobi on a cold day could lead to this; his pants off and you begging "Daisy please-"

Tags: fluff, a little hurt but mostly just comfort, first times, soft cuddle sex, unintentional mutual somnophilia, knotting, scenting, under clarified limits, a touch of slick kink, breeding kink, a touch of size kink (you know the good stuff), unrealistic amounts of cum, implied belly bulge, implied feral sex, small triggers after sex, small references to past abusive relationships, hole check's, knot checks, dom/sub undertones to later scenes but not in the main smut,

W/c: 14.2k

A/n: thank you guys for being patient for this next chapter :) it's one of my favorites so please give it lots of love! i know we've all been waiting for hobi's confession and the completion of their arc, did i do it justice? Also i'm sorry that i have a pathological need to end every single chapter with a cliffhanger lol, this one is no different!

Previous part ~ Masterlist

(5 years ago. Before Yoongi. Before everyone.)

Jung Hoseok cleans his arms in a bathroom. He is 21 years old, there is lipstick on his fingers, and nothing bad has happened to him yet.

Bad is all relative of course. Some would call growing up in a rich area while living in a one-bedroom apartment bad. Some people would call not really knowing your parents because they work late nights bad. Some would even say that the fact that they won’t pay for Hoseok’s college education a fucking tragedy.

But between you and me and Hoseok; other people wouldn't know a fucking tragedy if it hit them in the fucking face. Talking to some people about your suffering is like trying to make a toddler shoot the broad side of a god damn barn with a double barrel shotgun. Or like those little lemon slices they put in the water at olive garden-

It's fucking useless. And you're more likely to be sent to the hospital than get some actual fucking results. Weather it's because of food poisoning, a bullet wound, or because some idiot you trusted thinks you're a god damn suicide risk.

See right? Talking about your problems is fucking useless.

But he’s always been able to focus on the brighter side of things. It's a blessing and a curse because optimism always lies to you. It's easier to be happy than it is to be upset, at least for Hoseok at this moment.

At least he was an optimist until they ruined him a little. After this year, finding the silver will take effort.

The tiles beneath his feet are cold to the touch. He knows that there’s a button somewhere to turn on the heated flooring but he just can’t find it. Hidden and unfamiliar as he is with this den. So different from his own little dormitory halfway across the city.

This fancy three-bedroom apartment is one that he will move into in precisely 4 months once they make it official, he’ll live here for exactly 2 years 3 months, and 8 days before being kicked out and moving into the pack's den. It’s exactly 2 years to the date that he meets Min Yoongi in the record store.

But nothing bad has happened to him yet. Today he is just himself, No idea of what's about to befall him and that It won't just be bad.

This apartment is upscale, with its wainscotting and long gauzy curtains that barely keep out the sound of the city streets 5 stories below and the lightly warm June morning. He’s not quite sure who pays for this one yet. Hasn’t had the chance to ask, he's only been seeing this pack for 2 months. This Hoseok is shyer than the one you know. Timid and unsure of where he should place his dulled claws.

It's all awfully mysterious. The question of "What do your parents do?" and the answer pressed to a raised finger. The truth lingering between lipstick and manicure on a single giggled breath.

"That's a secret"

He casts a glance around the bathroom, the marble counters, the plush hand towels, and even the designer soap is forghein to him.

Rich people.

It's one part tired jealousy and one part true distaste. Even if Hoseok had all the money in the world he wouldn't waste it on painting a bathroom white or powdery Dior soap. Why not blue or orange or green or pink?

(Oh Hobi. The pack’s bathroom will be green one day, with delicate tiles in the shade of the lightest moss. Not yellow-toned and not blue. he's going to help yoongi pick it out, He just doesn’t know it yet).

Their apartment is just a few blocks from the college that he attends, a freshman but not for much longer. A freshman, along with the pack's youngest. Her on the business track and him in a weed-out art department. The prerequisite humanities course is their shared battleground.

Out of everything in this story, this is the only true coincidence.

This version of Hoseok likes omegas with a bit of a dark side. The ones that are a bit bitchy, a bit entitled and alot pretty. The ones that hone their eyeliner to a vicious edge, or the male ones that act a little bit more like alphas and disobey gender norms. That’s what drew his eye to this pack's youngest in their hum 1 class.

He got a little melty when her eyes turned less “I’ll kill you if you even sniff in my direction” and more “A pretty alpha like you has to have a pack right?”

Hoseok had stuttered when he’d said that No- he didn’t.

Before long he’ll drop out because he just can’t cut it at art school. Just can’t spend nights with fingers black from charcoal, working on things that will one day be thrown in the garbage because he’ll have a pack to attend to. Good alpha that he is.

(It will be years before he realizes that it wasn't art school just mediums. He’s meant to use flowers to make things instead.)

They’re not his pack yet, not yet. not yet. Not Yet- But there is a gift waiting for him downstairs. A fancy set of pastels and paints. It’s the start of courting even though he’s supposed to be the one buying them gifts. He’s the penniless college student they’re the ones with the nice apartment. He’s the one with the knot, and they’re all omegas. It’s a give-and-take.

Yet somehow even though he’ll be the only alpha he knows he won’t be the pack alpha.

He cleans the lipstick from his fingers. Bright red. He knows he has it in other places too, down below the tugged low hemline of his pants pulled on after they were done fucking.

The last thing he wants to be is like the other alphas in the fraternities on campus, the ones that holler at all the omegas shit like “I can taste your slick from here baby,” and “want to study anatomy together? I’m a hands-on learner” Hobi dreads the idea that he might be like that. Even a little bit. Even unintentionally.

But still, their words from earlier ring in his ears.

“They haven’t been dating for that long, you can’t expect us to be comfortable all the time with you in our nest, it's a really intimate thing for us."

Hobi feels like one of those phraternity alphas when it makes him uncomfortable.

It’s reasonable that they wanted to give his knot a ride and try him out before they make it official. One alpha and four omegas, these odds are every alpha’s wet dream. He knows his performance was Oscar-worthy.

It had been nice to be in a nest for just a little bit, Hoseok’s biology wants it, the tense knot between his shoulders all loose.

Hoseok has never been loved by someone who wanted to talk to him every day, it will be easy for them to reduce his focus to their beck and call.

There's 4 different colors of lipstick on his cock. Four different shades from four different women. His new packmates get to the carrot part of the carrot and stick arrangement.

In the future, he’ll deny that he ever thought of any of these women as that- as packmates. He'll say it was only ever Namjoon’s pack that he wanted in this way. He’ll say it never compared and it didn’t. Except for these first few months. These first few days.

Memories lie to us all the time; memory is the best secret keeper.

He watches one of his packmates sit on the edge of the nest, she wears the lipstick prints better than he does. Lining the inside of her thighs, her own lips smudged.

Hoseok doesn’t let the smile fall from his lips and she smiles back. She tugs her long hair free of a bun that she’d put it up in so that she didn’t get slick in it. It will be a few more months until she cuts it above her collarbones. Blunt to a brutal edge.

Hoseok’s sweatshirt is on the edge of the nest, and Hoseok watches as she brings it to her nose, breathing in deep. Hoseok is just about to say that she can wear it when she throws it onto a nearby ottoman. Not onto the floor thankfully. No omega has ever worn his sweatshirt before. Hoseok tries not to let the rejection of his scent sting.

She looks at the lipstick on Hoseok, there’s a bit on his lip. “Come here.” She asks, parting her legs.

Hoseok is a good alpha and goes.

~-~

(Now, You and Hobi)

When Hobi wakes it's because the pack is moving around the room, bickering, and struggling to be quiet, bickering a little.

Their low hum drum voices as they talk about “Jungkookie? where did you put my mittens?” and ”I sort of love that you still wear mittens, babe.” Yoongi’s deep rumble, “Did Jimin buy those for you too?” All teasing and understanding. Because if anyone knows how Tae likes to be teased, Yoongi does.

Tae’s fond little croon is so melodic it makes Hobi sigh, ears straining to hear more of it. ��Yes, he did. Got pup matching ones too.”

Pup. that’s you. Curled in the center of the nest under Hobi's elbows. dozing but unable to lift your head from where it's pillowed. You’re sure that Yoongi knows you’re kind of awake or at least listening in because Yoongi knows everything.

You’re sure that as he looks down at you and Hobi tangled together, he’s doing it with a smirk. You don’t need to open your eyes and double-check.

The temperature of the nest is balmy, overly warm in the way that it gets when it’s cold outside and the nesting is hitting so particularly good that Hobi won’t even think of moving. (The way it feels when you come out of the cold and into the waiting arms of someone you love) Hobi nuzzles into the warmth in front of him.

A small storm brews outside. The snow has been falling since midday. Just a little here and there. But Tae loves how it looks with all the Christmas lights. There aren’t quite enough up yet but the holiday season is close.

But the snow won't last, soon it won’t be falling at all. It will all melt off by tonight, the afternoon is supposed to be sunny. Can sun showers happen with snow?

"Do you think we could walk all the way to the gym, it's not all that far! only like 10 miles. We could run it in like an hour!"

He listens to the others talk. The sound of Yoongi’s voice, gravely and vaguely upset. “Jungkook, you’re not really thinking about going to work out right now- You’ve barely been home for like 5 hours. I just said we could go do something not run 10 fucking miles.”

Jungkook always gets this way; when the dizziness of the seizures turns to restlessness and he's honestly fine but the others can't resist trying to baby him. Too awake to sleep anymore. He sounds grumpy, whiney, and pouty even though Hobi's eyes aren't open to see him turn his puppy eyes on Yoongi. “I’m never going to be able to sleep tonight if I don’t hyung- I’m gonna go crazy.”

There’s the faint sound of lips meeting and smacking. Kisses that are probably meant to soothe Jungkook. “How about we compromise pup.”

“A walk?” Tae offers, sounding hopeful.

“A long walk.”

You shift a little and Hoseok opens his eyes. You're mostly still asleep just settling, making yourself more comfortable with the new space no longer corralled by arms and bodies.

Hobi’s mouth is dry when he watches you shift onto your stomach your face half-smushed into the cushions, scenting them a little in your sleep. The homey scent fizzle in Hoseok’s bones tells him that you've scented him too. Being surrounded by the pack's scent like this makes Hobi’s skin feel like pop rocks. Like his bones are mentos and coca cola. All sensitive and tingly.

He’s cuddled with you before- through your nightmares and last night at the hospital of course- but it’s never been just the two of you in a nest. He’s never been the only alpha here, charged with guarding the pillows and blankets and you curled soft in the center.

Hobi tentatively puts an arm around your waist, tugging you a little closer. The house still hasn't totally warmed up yet and you'd be cold without some body heat. He does it slowly, seeing if you’ll wake.

There is a hand in his hair, petting softly, and he snatches his arm from around your waist the second Hoseok realizes he's being watched. Yoongi leans over the edge of the couch-turned-nest, smirking a little. The door shuts behind Tae and Jungkook with a puff of cold air, and he raises his eyebrows expectantly.

He would look intimidating if his beanie didn't have cat ears. 

The pads of Yoongi's fingers rub soothing circles under Hobi's jaw and his lips part unintentionally. “Be good yeah?” he says, whisper soft. Hoseok just nods, too sleepy to verbally respond.

They haven’t talked much about Hobi’s confession; that night on the beach what feels like ages ago. But everytime he thinks of it Hobi still tastes salt on his tongue and your name on his lips. 

Yoongi’s wearing the same look now that he did then; half hopeful and half worried. But if there was anyone that would object on your behalf, if Hobi wasn't allowed this closeness with you, Yoongi would tell him.

Yoongi doesn't say that you and him aren't ready for cuddling like this. Yoongi doesn't say that Hoseok should give you space or not cradle you to his chest like you are something as fragile and necessary and as doomed as his beating heart. Trembling and stuttering with the force of sweet expectations and hopes made hollow with satisfaction.

Yoongi does not realize that Hoseok's heart has not had a steady beat since he woke up holding you.

Yoongi doesn't say anything. Yoongi just drags a single knuckle down his cheek and leaves. Heading out after Tae and Jungkook who are, judging from the hallow sound of snow hitting the windows- are having a snowball fight.

“If one of those hits me I’m not holding anyone’s hand for the whole walk-“

The door keeps out the sound of Tae's sweet giggles and Jungkook’s pouted, "just one hyung- I won't hit your face-" 

And the two of you are alone. Wrapped up warm, quiet and hushed, just the two of you.

Well, except for Noodle.

The meticulously kept edge of the nest is all fluffed, Noodle makes sure of it. Small paws depressing the blanket as he kneads it and then settles on the edge. His purr is audible from here as he blinks slowly from the bottom of the couch turned nest. Jin wrangled him for a brushing yesterday morning and his coat still looks extra fluffy and kempt. 

Unwatched and unjudged, Hobi tentatively reaches to cradle your ribs again. Thumb smoothing down the center of your stomach, a little close to your belly button. You’ve got a little hair there. Hobi’s fingers like the feel of it. Not rough but not silky.

Your skin feels like champagne bubbles and sparklers, everywhere he touches your skin goes fizzy. Hobi looks down at you, breath hitching, and thinks Is it really so horrible to want this? Why am I so afraid of this? 

You wiggle a little closer in your sleep and Hobi’s arm goes vicelike.

Noodle's purr goes a little louder. 

Hobi doesn’t like to think about his last pack ever, but he recognizes that hollow ache and tug that says memories aren’t too far behind. And it threatens to swallow him until he looks down at you. The house is quiet but your eyebrows are puffed up like something very shocking is happening in your dreams. He doesn't want to think about them right now. 

He drags his nose across your hairline; scenting you. Tasting your emotions on his tongue. Comfort. Ease. Arousal-sweet. Not all that abnormal. Not nightmares then. He is always on the lookout for them. After Jungkook and the hospital, he sort of thought they might come back. 

Hoseok counts his stars and snowflakes, and rests his forehead against the nape of your neck.

Over the next hour, you’re restless. Moving, worming your way closer to him as he goes in and out of sleep. You make a soft noise and he shushes you. a growl that says to stay put and alpha's here.

You blink slowly up at him. Hobi pulls back, taking his arm from around your waist, feeling like he’s just stolen candy from a jar on the counter that’s for him anyway. You stretch and don't comment on it, yawning. 

Noodle hops closer, squirming between the two of you and stepping over your shoulders. Meowing right in Hoseok’s face. “Alright alright, I’ll feed you again.”

You snuggle into the warm hallow he left on the couch when he detangles himself, hand under your cheek watching him as he stumbles out of the nest. Noodle follows tail held high. It's truly horrible. Leaving the nest when every bit of Hobi's body wants him to stay in the warmth. The house is always so slow to warm up. 

“Fuck the floors are cold.”

“Quick,” you say, face above the edge of the cover. Hoseok rushes, doling out a single scoop of dry food and then running back to you. Hobi wastes precious seconds to grab his headphones from the kitchen table before collapsing onto the couch where you hold the blanket up, sealing the warmth and him back inside. The headphones tangle between the two of you and he falls with a giggle. Disappearing among the white blanket. He sinks thankfully into the warmth, into the safety that the nest offers. Into you.

Your warm arms wrap around his shoulders and his body shivers delightfully in a way that has nothing to do with the cold. Your jaw pops when you yawn and then he yawns too, a breath later. You laugh too and tuck your face into his shoulder.

“Fuck- it’s so cozy.”

It really is, the kind of cozy that only comes along a few times a year. A quiet to your bones that says there is nothing to do now but rest. The coldness that turns your bodies into these molten-loving things. Your warmth and Hoseok’s warmth. One warmth.

He breathes, deep and heavy.

“I don’t know if I want to get up yet.” The house is still quiet. Nothing but Noodles happy munching sounds and the faint scratch of big snowflakes hitting the windows.

Hobi’s heart beats frantic against yours and you sigh. “Wanna listen to some music?” He offers. Hobi always loves a backtrack, a little compliment for the exposition.

You nod, a little sleepy, but Hobi has a playlist for that. He’s got a playlist for everything including ’sleepy cozy pup time’. The headphones take a second to locate, lost in the nest. But when he does you share them. One earphone a piece, the sound turned low so you can still talk.

Hobi puts on a love song, and it makes you smell all sweet. Stretched out with your hair tangling because you’ve left it unbound, the split ends prodding at Hobi’s cheeks. He doesn’t really listen to the song, just watches you. Eyes closed humming softly.

Your scent sours and Hoseok's hand goes tight on your wrist. You tell him what's bothering you without him even having to ask.

“I saw this line the other day that didn't like." You look at the ceiling, not at him. "it said a love song is really good if you can’t tell whether they’re talking about another person or if they’re talking about god.”

You think about Jimin and Tae. You've been thinking about it since Tae talked about their childhood earlier and the bloody cross between the two of them. If holiness does exist, it’s in Tae. If there is anything like religion for you or Jimin, it's love. God has nothing to do with it. God's not the person who makes love songs sound good.

Hobi turns on his side, leaning on his elbow. “I’m not sure Jimin would agree with that either.”

You turn in time to see Hobi’s smile. It catches the sunlight, lingering right on his cheek. An octagonal shaft of sunlight that has traveled millions of miles to get there could not have found a more beautiful place to fall. He huffs a quiet laugh again, and you swear you might hear the highest note of a piano somewhere.

You wonder when he became so musical to you, maybe it’s just because he’s the person who made you love music so much.

(You can tell a love song is good, when it makes you think of Hobi).

“You’re still worried about him, aren’t you?” You rest your lips against his shoulder and Hobi’s body doesn’t move an inch. They’re soft where they lie not a kiss but not not a kiss either. You can rest your lips against his skin, you can rest your whole body and Hoseok wouldn't move an inch.

“Always worried, got to worry about Minnie. Always worried about everyone.” You mumble. Eyes closing.

The light comes through the windows all honey yellow, turning the bookshelves that Yoongi made gold instead of white. Turns the tops of Hobi’s hair a little red too, the brown has endless depths in the sunlight all burnt umber and Sienna where the sun hits, yellow ocher at the tips. The sunlight savors falling on Hobi, down to the last inch.

You try to keep your eyes open, struggling, and Hobi sets a hand on the top of your head, ruffling your hair lightly.

"Go back to sleep pup."

You hum, already half there. He pulls you a little on top of him, holding you with a firmness usually reserved for too-large packages and the tenderness reserved for very fragile very precious things. It makes your whole body feel tingly at the edges.

“Thanks for not leaving the nest when everyone else did,” you think he might be asleep for how long it takes him to answer. But everything in the last 24 hours has left you feeling like you don’t want to be alone, that you can’t be left by yourself. He breathes up and it presses against your stomach.

“Didn’t want to go with the others- just wanted to stay here in the nest with you.” nesting is a biological need for alphas as much as it is for omegas, Hobi hasn't felt so relaxed in ages.

He murmurs, hand still skimming through your hair. His thumb rolling against the nape of your neck and you shiver hard into the touch, sinking further into him. “Is that okay?”

Your hand finds a spot under his arm and you use it to tug yourself closer, getting your forehead against his shoulder, the headphones slipping from your ear.

“Yeah. It’s always okay.”

Hobi tucks your hair behind your ear and puts the headphones back in.

The next time you wake it’s because Noodle is licking at your forehead, grooming you, and you hear the shutter sound of Hobi’s camera, his small giggle. You swat at noodles face and he bats at you a little before settling on the small of your back, fighting Hobi for necessary real-estate and howling when he gets pushed off.

“Nu, be quiet,” Hobi’s hushed words are answered with an equally quiet meow that sends you straight off to dreamland again.

You don't know how long it's been, it could have been hours or minutes the next time you wake. You just know that Hobi smells good, smells musky sweet caramel all drippy and heady, that you've got your nose pressed up against his scent gland. All surrounded by it. Surrounded by him.

The next time you wake is not so innocent.

You’re a little too close. Cuddling with Hobi in a way that you might with Yoongi- with Namjoon or Jungkook. All warm snug hot. Bodies and dreams tangled so thoroughly that it's hard to tell where dreamy wants begin and fragile delights end.

You’re warm at your front from Hobi and warm on your back from the sunshine streaming through the window. Warm all the way through. Until he moves his hand and you realize that’s from him too. His fingers splayed over your spine.

You think you can be forgiven for confusing them. Hoseok and sunlight are one and the same.

The apex of your thigh is pressed tight to his hip just where his thigh starts. Your leg hitched over his hip and tight to it. The fabric of his sweatpants and the fabric of your pajama shorts are all bunched up from your movements. Your knee bent at a comfortable angle. His scent is heady in your nose, pressed to the low tugged collar of his shirt just over his heart.

As close as you can be but still not enough.

You don't even realize your hips are moving, sleepily grinding against his thigh until it's too late.

Hobi grabs your hips and groans.

You stop mid-movement, thoughts sloshing sleepy. And oh, you were moving, weren’t you? There is a dampness between your thighs and the scent of slick and arousal sharp in the air. That comfortable pleasure hiccup in your throat that says you want to cum and can. could like this.

You jerk back from the warmth in front of you, startled into wakefulness as you realize exactly you were just doing.

Oh no- you didn’t mean- Hobi. Alpha, warm and comfortable at your front.

You start to back up, still half asleep, but terror and embarrassment flood you like the ocean floods the sea rocks at high tide.

Hobi groans, a deep near growl sound, and moves before you can back up even an inch. he was just as asleep as you just were until you pulled away. His sleepy brain still clings to you.

His hands slip lower, holding you tight against his front. His sleepy alpha brain is malfunctioning. Sweet omega needs to stay close. The source of his warmth and the friction against his front cannot slip away.

His hands are on your ass and your pussy is pressed flushed to his hip, and Hobi-

Hobi is your best friend, Hobi is your packmate and Hobi has to be unaware of what he’s doing. You’re sure of it. You try to pull away again from him fighting back more embarrassment than you've ever felt in your entire life, hands pressed to his chest.

But He pulls you right back to him.

Right into a unmistakable hardness poking at your stomach. Hard and warm. Right where you were grinding in your sleep.

Hoseok’s heavy breath brushes your ear.

Instincts are incredibly hard to describe. The way they hook into your consciousness and separate reason from action and want from logic. The part of you that’s in control, that recognizes that you and Hobi shouldn’t be this close like this if it’s not talked about, is so distant.

A needy sound echoes that might be from you, that is from you, as Hobi’s hands slide up your hips and under his sweatshirt. Cold hands on your warm hips and oh-

Hobi’s eyes are cracked open, looking down at you, watching you with pink cheeks. Tongue darting out to lick at his lip. “S’okey you just-" his eyes flutter closed again; breath warm against your face. "You take what you need.”

It’s only a testament to the pack's care that you associate these things with each other. Safety and coziness are just so close to pleasure and comfort. Your sleepy body associates this kind of nesting with sex. it's only natural that you'd get a little needy while inside of it.

You can get needy, Hobi doesn't mind.

Before either of you can say if you really should, if this is really a good thing to do without talking about it first. Hobi’s hands are on your waist, pulling you back snug, his hard thigh between your legs.

If you were more awake, you’d think better of it, you’d think so much but there is only that sweet pressure. The drag, the wetness, the soft little huffs of breath that he shushes when he lets you take what you need. Helps you with his hands on your hips and guides you back into rocking against his thigh.

You feel it all the way down to your toes when his hands slide down to the curve of your ass then back up again, underneath the hem of your shorts and then your sweatshirt- his too (all of you his). Rucked up to your ribs.

“Soft.” Hobi groans.

This must not be real. This has to be a dream. Because Hobi doesn't want to touch you like this, Hobi doesn't groan and twitch against your stomach or guide the movement of your hips with his hands into a slow grind that has you gasping against his jaw. Hobi doesn’t leave the seat of your pajama bottoms soaked with slick. Hole clenching around nothing already. Utterly boneless where you lie against his front.

There is one single moment where you look at each other, one single moment where you try to keep from going any farther. Even though you want it, even though he wants it too. If Namjoon and Jin have taught you anything they've taught you caution.

Hoseok can smell the others lingering on your skin, the spot on the top of your head where Yoongi rested his cheek. He leans down, brushing his lips over it. It’s such a tender gesture and it breaks the flood and he's tugging you up, tugging you even closer, desperation coloring his voice all sweet.

“Fuck- please.” His forehead rests against yours, “fuck I just need-“

You're not sure who moves first, who starts the kiss only that once you’re kissing him it’s hard to stop. One second you're holding back and the next you're kissing him like he's Yoongi and he's kissing you like he's starving.

Teeth clanging against each other, harsh as they nip. Kissing so good that when you pull apart for breath you're both gasping and it has nothing to do with needing air.

Hobi has such nice lips it’s no wonder that they’re heart-shaped. Made for kissing, made for the needy needy licking against the seam of his lips. He shifts turning you on your side, surging up to kiss you properly and put his weight behind it. cradling your head with one hand and your side with the other. You’re so pliant, so willing to let him kiss and take. You want him to take everything. arms around his neck.

He breaks apart, forehead resting against yours, heart beating so quick that he can feel it in his palms. Pupiles blown when he blinks. “If you take what you need, and I take what I need- Can we-“

Your hands thread hard in his hair. Tugging him back to your lips. Closer and closer. “Fuck Yes- please-“

You don’t know where the wanting comes from, why it’s raging through you like a fire. His lips move against yours frantic, you bite his lip and he jerks. Hovering over you with your back against the nest, all tingly and fizzy. Your bones feel like champagne popping, like shooting stars burning out.

Hobi’s hands shake when they touch your hips, just like yours do when you mirror him, your touches shy but just as hungry, tugging up his shirt, fingertips and nails pressing bluntly to his happy trail of fine dark hair. You can feel the way his cock jumps against your stomach and thigh when you scratch gently.

You pull back a little and sit up and it’s sacred; the way that he panics, scrambling to hold onto you. You're A little bit shy when you take off his sweatshirt, nothing underneath. hair fluffing when you get it free from the cotton.

Your bare skin and the cold room. You get goosebumps on your arms almost instantly when they cross over your bare chest. Hobi’s breath stutters in his chest, like roman candles flare and settle. Hobi takes his sweatshirt from you and sets it aside in his haste to hold you again.

He starts to tugs his pants down, getting tangled because he won't even pull back an inch from you. You kiss his throat, again and again making up for lost time. Sucking a mark there. His hands fumble with the waistband of his tied tight grey sweatpants. finding the loops and then freeze when he feels wetness. Pulling back and looking down just to make sure that that is what he thinks it is. you stop your kissing and look too.

There is a wet spot, darkening the grey material. Your slick from your grinding, the spot where you got so worked up and felt so good that you couldn't even help it. He pulls back so that the light can kiss it but yeah that's definitely from you. Evidence of how much you want this. Evidence of how much you want him.

Hoseok thinks you might have actually set his body on fire. Is about ready to start checking your fingers for matches.

You blush so hot that you think you might be burning in embarrassment. Hands between your legs, clutching at the material of the nest, so embarrassed you can't watch as Hoseok looks down at it and then up at you.

“I’m sorry I- I can’t help it- I'm always-“

Hobi’s hands smooth over the wet patch, splaying up to cradle his cock where you’ve left your mark. And he looks at you, jaw rolling and eyes dark. He doesn’t say anything. Can’t.

It’s hasty how you both move to take his pants off, and he kicks them to some forgotten corner of the nest, his boxers pulled off too, and then clings to you. You cling to each other. Kissing again. Hands knotting through his hair and tugging.

You glance down and oh- Hobi has such a pretty cock. the prettiest in the pack maybe (don't tell Tae), Flushed at the tip, hair neatly trimmed and curving up.

Your bare thighs press to his adds a whole new level to this, the skin there is sensitive and unknown. Lying thigh to thigh somehow feels more intimate than chest to chest as you lie the way lovers do, your leg, his, then yours again.

You’re damp between your legs when he touches, hands shaking. He doesn't bother to take off your shorts just tugs the soaked bit of fabric to the side. It’s been a long time since he’s touched a pussy but he knows enough to do it gently. Petting over your folds like he’s teasing a flower to bloom and opening a rose for a bouquet.

“Please” you gasp, hand vicelike around his wrist. Kissing his frantic pulse again. Hot lips and a cold nose drag down his throat. You hiccup as the pads of his fingers find your clit, shaking against him. "Please-"

But you don’t need to ask, you don’t need to beg. Whatever you need Hobi will give it to you. Your hands scratch as his back when he presses close, snaking underneath his sweatshirt. Breath heavy.

He kisses your neck and bites it when his length brushes the wetness between your thighs. Hot and honey slick. his hips press to your hips, harsh lines of his thighs pointing low that you like. There is so much about Hobi that you like; the way that he kisses, the way that he touches. oh- it’s better than you imagined.

His knuckles are glossy with your slick when he curls them against the nest, holding himself up.

Hobi bends down to skim a kiss across your neck, your collarbones, your sternum.

You laugh, your giggle high and bright. He has to pull back, not upset at all but wanting to laugh too, giggling too. “Why are you?”

Your smile means everything to him. “Your hair tickles.” It is kind of fluffy, kind of pulled everywhere from your kissing and you run your fingers through it, scratching a little around the nape of his neck, and Hobi is done playing.

He pulls back, already dripping a bit of precum, silvery and pearl like at the head of his cock, standing against his stomach. a little hidden because he's still wearing his sweatshirt. Checking because he can’t not check.

“Is this- can I- fuck are you-“

“Daisy, please-“ Oh, how that pet name unhinges him.

He won't make you wait another second for it, hands shaking as he holds your hip. Shushing your needy whimpers with a soothing alpha rumble as he guides his cock close. Giving you what you both need.

Hoseok is not as big as Namjoon or Tae or Jimin, but he’s properly thick. Not the kind of thickness that knocks the breath out of you but the kind that fits just right. Not enough to make you ache or hurt even a little. It doesn’t hurt at all when he eases in slowly.

It doesn’t hurt at all.

That might be because of how soaked you are; dripping messy underneath the warm humidity of the blanket. The visual of your glossy pussy robbed from him but unimportant as Hobi stares at your face, resting his head against your forehead. Watching your eyes dilate and eyelashes flutter. “There we go- fuck-”

It’s not worth pulling back to separate how close you are. How good it feels to press his chest to your chest, not even a single inch separating you. His kisses go gentle and messy, moving against yours in a gentle rhythm just like his hips after he gives you a second to grow used to it. Rocking just a little.

Hoseok has heard the others talk about your pussy, those moments that he tried to block out at the beginning and then started to file away once loving you got more real. But for everything he's heard from his packmates, nothing compares to the reality.

The closeness. The way your hips fit. The hot- too much- clench around him.

He understands a little maybe, fully buried in you for the first time, why they talk about it so much. Why Jungkook had slipped it into dirty talk a few times with Namjoon and why it had made him growl and cum so quick. Why Tae had teased Yoongi for hogging you.

Your pussy feels like an inside joke in all the best ways, the kind of inside jokes that always have you feeling both known and loved. You can’t remember what you used to laugh about when you were a teenager and if asked Hoseok would fail to describe why sex with you feels so full. Why it feels like highlights and golden ages, the golden hour drenching you. It’s not sex for pleasure’s sake and it's not sex for closeness's sake either- although that’s part of it.

It’s not sex at all, it's making love. With Hobi, it’s making love from the beginning.

It's not instincts and mating bond urges. It’s not one submissive giving to a dominant. It’s not about protection and safety even though that's there or because you're an omega and he's an alpha. Because he's a man and you're a woman.

It's just love, that's it.

And it doesn’t hurt at all. For either of you.

The eye contact is never ending, his warm and fucked out the more he rocks. Gentle at first and building up frantic. Hobi doesn’t fuck like the rest of the pack does either; he doesn’t speak, letting out these quiet heavy breaths and shushing your squeaks with soothing alpha grumbles. His thumb wiping away the few overwhelmed tears that slip out and a smile swallowing your hiccuping breaths.

"Fuck” he breathes, moving his hips a little faster. His stomach presses to yours damp and tacky with sweat. Hoseok’s doesn't fuck in and out all the way, hardly moving away from you at all. Just rocking in deep.

Hobi doesn’t stop hitting every spot, comfortable with these unending rocks of his hips, maddening in the way that he never stops filling you. Never pulls out even half way.

Your hands weakly clench in the blankets of the nest as he twitches right there. That sensitive spot inside of you that feels like courting ecstasy when he nudges it. It’s the same spot that Yoongi likes to tease at, the spot that only his long fingers can reach properly and Tae’s too when she’s really trying. Ghosting over it and petting at it until you’re mad with pleasure.

But Hobi doesn’t tease, Hobi just gives. rubbing against it again and again with every gentle roll of his hips.

you put your hand over your mouth to quiet your whimpers when he pulls back, sitting up just a little. Holding your waist and forcing your body further down on his cock, nudging it as deep as it can go and you sob.

Hobi grins, a little cocky, a little pleased that despite his size compared to the others you're still equally as wrecked.

“Right there yeah?” he teases, and then rocks against it again. thumbs pressing against your stomach where he cradles you. waist so tiny that they almost meet when he holds you.

Your cheeks are hot, and you have to turn and whimper into the pillow. he lets you shift so that you're belly down in the nest and he's behind you glued to your backside. lying his weight down behind you like a blanket. pressing you into the nest where you'll stay like a good pup.

Hoseok instincts are absolutely purring. omega, getting bred in such a pretty nest. Good warm soft omega.

Your hand laces with the blanket, needing something to hold onto and he kisses the back of your neck, treading your hands together as he keeps going. This new position lets him rock in even deeper, putting his weight behind it.

“If you keep going, I’m not gonna be able to-”

His breath ghosts your ear, lips dragging down the column of your throat to nip and suck gently at your scent gland, marking you there. his hand presses, holding you to the bed as he rocks harder. His barely formed knot already inside and growing, getting you closer and closer as it thickens. Keeping him right there at the spot and you on the edge. You're so wet it's making noises, soaking and dripping down his cock.

He kisses your mating mark, nipping at it, and you’re gone.

You cum, a wet gush around his knot and a broken whimper. a growl in his throat sounds loud in the empty house. It sounds like made mate happy, made omega cum for me. Hoseok's Alpha is absolutely preening watching your Legs shake, the nape of your neck sweaty, body slack and head tilting to bear your neck. both of your bodies messy from it, filthy and blushing with love.

Hobi’s not far behind, rocking another time, a third, a quiet satisfied breath into the back of your neck before his knot pops locking you together as he cums so gently. No growls or gasps, just hot spurts that fill and satisfy you. Knot popping and Locking you so close you can feel his cock pulse. So close you can feel the same heartbeat on his lips when kisses you, hurried kisses pressed to the nape of your neck that quickly go slack with sleep.

Your hand settles across your stomach, and oh- you realize why hobi wasn't bothered by how wet he got you earlier. He just keeps cuming, so much that it's leaking a little around his knot. You're not sure that Jimin or Tae or Yoongi cum this much, Namjoon definitely does- but thats kinda proportional.

he just keeps going, heat flooding you. Maybe he's only cumming so much because it's the first time, and he needs to claim you from the inside out. you're a little too dizzy to figure it out.

You feel like you might pass out. You don't know if it's squirt or cum or just sweat when he lies himself over you. cuddling closer despite the mess. Teeth at your bared throat, Sucking softly, Soothing.

instincts are kind of embarrassing at best, irrationally hot at worse. you squirm a little closer so that his knot goes deeper.

The sunlight spills across your cuddled forms, still underneath the big thick blanket. He doesn’t pull out, the knot keeping him snug tight. His hand is on your cheek, rubbing up and down your jaw. He pulls the blanket up around you. And neither of you says a word as your rapid breathing calms.

You’re not sure who falls back asleep first. Only that he wraps his arm around you and pulls you back on top of his chest, cuddled there. Knot warm and safe inside of you.

knotted together like this, you're finally finally close enough.

~-~

When Hobi wakes you’re watching him and his dick is out. Wet and slick and cold.

That would certainly cause him to be alarmed if it wasn’t for your expression; a little pale. Hands between your legs and looking at the doorway.

You just really don't want to drip cum onto the couch, like- obviously. Hobi didn't hurt you. But the brief terror at waking up uncuddled and so suddenly douses Hobi like a bucket of cold water.

The cold might be the actual reason for his sudden wakefulness. The wintry air in the room is jarring because the house is finally heating up. (as much to do with the heating system doing its job as it is with your activities earlier that turned the windows all hazy with condensation).

It's like someone had just come in and then abruptly left again. Your cheeks are pink, and there is a cloth on the side of the couch, folded and warm. You didn't get it for yourself.

“Don’t freak out, but Yoongi and the others walked in while you were asleep.”

You’re kind of glad that he wasn’t awake to see your mate barely contain his screech, jumping up and down with Jungkook in the entryway. Namjoon’s subtly grinning expression when he took in your appearance and paused in the cold doorway breathing in deeply. Tae wrapped around one arm; their walk interrupted by his return from surgery.

He groans, barely awake enough to think about the visual that Yoongi and the others were treated to. The consequences are better than a shot of expresso at wakeing him up.

But really, was there ever a possibility that the others wouldn’t find out about this? Does Hoseok even want them not to know?

He's too tired, too think about this logically.

Hoseok wonders why he didn’t wake to you holding him. He’s seen you hold the others, hold Namjoon in the morning when you smell like him. The way you wake slowly and run your fingers through their hair. The other alphas have a habit of cuddling up to rest their head against your chest. Hobi remembers that day by the beach when you pet his hair, he wants you to do that now.

But he can't fucking ask. Asking you to cuddle him would be fucking embarrassing.

“Shit." He shakes off his neediness and easily locates his boxers in the mess of the nest because they're bright red. Surreptitiously tucking his now soft and deflated knot back inside. You look away, letting him have that moment of privacy without comment. Your arms curl around your chest, you’re still nude from the waist up. thighs clenched togeather.

“Yeah uhm, they went back out to like- give us some space.”

"Did they say anything?"

You look away, wiggling over to the edge of the nest. "No. But they looked like they wanted to say a whole lot.”

You definitely don’t say that you heard their scuffle, Namjoon and Tae using their alpha privileges to wrangle an overly excited Yoongi and Jungkook. or that both of them had come back inside, both with pink cheeks smelling sweet at the sight of Hobi’s face pressed to your neck and the fresh hickeys at your throat.

(Hobi’s hickeys are always so small and cute. Tae can’t wait to take a picture and save it, for memory's sake. She’s half tempted to take out her phone and snap a picture of the two of you now.)

Your hiss of “Don’t say anything, I swear to fucking god if you wake him-" cured her of any bad ideas and had Namjoon grinning, his dimples showing.

Yoongi’s finger pressed to his lips in the doorway. Smiling wide and showing his gums. Omegas do get awfully protective over alphas in their nests. Especially post-knotting.

You’re honestly a little surprised that their muted shouting hadn’t woken Hobi. The closed door had kept out the cold but not the sound of them discussing on the porch; mostly Tae's insistence that they needed to get out of the house for lunch instead of heading back inside.

“But what if they need aftercare?”

"We shouldn’t leave them alone and unprotected.” (Classic Joonie).

“Yeah! What if they need cleaning!”

Yoongi snorts, “Gross Jk- I’m pretty sure the last thing they want is you licking up Hobi’s cum.”

“But he always likes it when it’s Jinnie-" that had your face and body heating (although that could just be Hobi- a literal furnace that he is wrapped around you).

Now his warmth is on the other side of the nest yet it feels impossibly farther away. As you both stew in silence under the weight of what you’ve done, what you just did.

Everything feels quiet and scary as you put yourselves back together in silence. You use the wet washcloth to keep yourself from dripping all over the couch while he looks for his pants in the mess of blanekts that smell like sex.

Thoughts like shit shit shit and what have you done ping-ponging back and forth across his brain. Mind bouncing between unlikely personal regrets and likely female rejection (of which he is only too familiar with).

Hobi doesn't like feeling rejected, it always brings up bad memories. He didn't wake up to you holding him. Is that a rejection or is his brain just making it up? People always hold each other after sex. Don't they?

You reach for his sweatshirt but before you can touch it a growl bursts forth from his throat and you freeze.

Hoseok scrubs a hand across his eyes, trying to wipe away the memories fitfully. Maybe it’s just because of the fact that he woke up and you weren’t wrapped around him. He's going to have to cuddle you himself if he wants it right now.

This first time with you reminds him of other first time's that didn’t end well. He's sorry for it the second it slips past his lips.

“Sorry, I don’t know why I just- my fucking instincts feel like they're on fire."

“So can I…?” you trail off. Your skin has goosebumps again. And Hoseok doesn’t know if it’s the casual nakedness that has him feeling so unmoored. A blush trailing its way up the back of his neck even though it shouldn’t be weird. He saw you shirtless every other hour during Namjoon’s rut for Christ’s sake.

“Yeah, just wear it- please wear it.” He can’t take back his growl, but he can meditate by watching you pick it up and hug it to your chest. Looking at him for a second as if to check that it’s still alright and he���s not going to snap at you again.

There is a hickey on your shoulder, the spot where it meets your arm. Hobi doesn’t know if it’s from him or someone else. It's a little too red to not be new. You don’t look uncomfortable being nude in front of him.

If anything, you look a little bit glowy.

You look at him and then pull it over your head. His cheeks still heating stubbornly as your chest moves a little, jiggling.

Why do girls have to just- girl all the time- it's honestly a little unfair how much hobi blushed.

He watches you, sitting on the edge of the bed in nothing but his boxers as you stand up pulling the sweatshirt down your hips. He stares at you until you ask a little flustered by hiding it, “What?”

He tugs on the hem of his sweatshirt, slowly, carefully, leaning forward as he tugs on one of the strings with his teeth. His hands go to your waist pulling you close gently, half sure of himself and half afraid. Hoseok is always somehow half afraid. Is this allowed? Is this wanted?

He rests his head against your stomach, loosely twining his arms around your waist to pull you closer, still loose enough that you can step away if you want. All of this can stop if you don’t want it. He hopes you know that.

Hoseok looks down at your feet, not at your face. “I love it when you wear my clothes. I really don't know where that came from.”

“Careful,” you say, a grin in your voice. Your tone light because you don't want him to smell so sour again. “I’m gonna go for your pants next.”

You snatch his from the floor and dart away. Nothing excites an alpha’s instincts like a chase, and Hobi feels the fire light down his spine. His movements are a hunt-heavy blur. Brain honed in on you.

He catches you by the counter, your giggle echoing off the high ceilings. His blood heating again as he drags you by your hips and flops down into one of the bar stools, sitting you on top of him with a growl.

His hands grip hard around your waist, determined until he’s shy. Letting you go softly, “Sorry I just-”

“Instincts still? Don't worry I get it.” You give him his pants and sit up off his lap so that he can put them on. And now is not the time to get another boner Hobi- but it’s kind of hard not to when you smell so bred, so wholly satisfied.

Hobi did that. Hobi's the one who made you look like this drowning in the afterglow.

Your own instincts are telling you that you want to take the blankets from the couch and drag them upstairs, and tuck them in around the scents of the others. So that they can all see and smell how good you made your alpha feel.

Hoseok’s pleasure leaves an undercurrent to the air that’s intoxicating. Half sugar-sweet and musky alpha. Your body hums with it as he steps up close behind you, close enough you can feel his warmth and not his body, nose skimming the bruise he left close to your mating mark. Letting out a tired sigh.

You did just work off a lot of energy, regardless of the half-nappy half-cuddle fucking that just was; It's also left you fucking hungry.

As much as the kitchen has been a place of anxiety for you it really isn’t with Hobi there. There is still that tape line on the floor that guards you off from the stove, sink, and the fridge. Hobi steps out from behind you and goes to the fridge, getting out some of the prepped fruit that Yoongi almost always keeps on hand.

But you keep looking at the kitchen, the pans hanging above the sink, your mixer sitting dusty in the corner. The hanging mugs. Everything.

He brings it to you, setting it down in front of where you sit. instincts making his eyes fever bright. He watches a little too intently as you lift a raspberry to your mouth. Something about watching you eat cools his instincts, making him release a taught breath.

He watches as you lift another piece, a blackberry to your lips and bite down. Almost purring, too afraid of what might slip out if he speaks. He half wants to do it himself and feed you from his fingertips. But that’s a little too embarrassing to consider.

A minute later, after you’ve eaten half a dozen more pieces, he reaches past you, about to get a piece of peach. He doesn't think anything of it, but when he reaches past your face- you flinch.

It happens so quick that he almost doesn’t even catch it. One second your cheek is turned straight and the next your eyes are darting from him to the bowl. Scent souring with fear and memories from Geumjae.

Fuck. (No cuz actually- fuck Geumjae.)

You don’t look at him with fear, you just look at him with a strange sort of sadness in your eyes. Sorry. Like you’re sorry for being scared. hoseok's hand goes tight on the counter.

"I'm sorry."

Hobi sits down. Holds your hands in his, and waits for a second before he speaks. makes his words quiet and gentle because anger at someone dead and gone has no place here.

“I’m not going to hurt you.” You have nice hands, warm where they press into his. And he cradles them, your knuckles flexing vaguely in his grasp, gentle but commanding.

“You’ll try not to, you mean."

You smile at him sadly. Hobi’s chest is tight with it. He needs you to know how much he means those words. How much he needs to mean them. But you both know how hard it is to promise that.

"No. I mean I’m not going to hurt you. Ever.” He repeats. You smile at him sadly again. And he knows his brief anger earlier when you touched his sweatshirt- usually such a normal thing for you- didn't escape you at all. But grief and mourning and memory always finds you at the worst times; after first times and on sunny winter afternoons.

The two of you are a mess, bodies teeming with the memories of failed loves, lost and broken. But you can ignore your triggers; such innocuous things as you wearing his sweatshirt and him reaching past your face. You can ignore your memories; the wretched and rotten ones, just for today.

You let the heavy moment pass and look at the other side of the kitchen. Hobi’s chest feels tight with something. Something that he needs to say but can’t just yet. You can only tell someone you love them for the first time once. You don’t get a second chance.

Hobi just wants to get it right.

You’re looking at the kitchen that Yoongi made for you, holding his hand still. using the other to feed yourself more fruit.

(Is there anything more intimate than holding hands with someone? It feels like more than the pads and lines of his fingers are pressed to yours. soul to soul and palm to palm. The future is written out right there but you ignore it. Love line, health line, fate. But the two of you are dedicated to writing your own end. Your love line is exactly the same length as his, not a millimeter longer).

Hoseok’s chest is still all tight. “What are you thinking about?”

“I haven’t made anything in months.” You sigh, sad. “I want to. I used to love baking, I used to-” you break off, sorrow making you quiet.

Hobi’s eyes are fixed on your shoulder. There are freckles there. He’s not sure why he’s never noticed them before or that you’ve got them dotting your back.

Hobi swallows past something in his throat. Pushing you gently from your chair until you're standing next to him. Cupping your waist because now that he's started touching you it's hard to stop. Now that he knows he’s allowed to touch you so casually, so affectionately, he going to keep doing it.

“Go. I’ll watch you, make sure you stay safe.” Because that’s the rule, isn’t it? Not that you can’t be in the kitchen at all, just that you need someone there to keep you safe.

The words feel tight in his throat, not easily said. I love you. He thinks as he watches you move to the mixer with a small but pretty smile that looks like daisies have taken root on your skin, everything sweet and flowering.

I love you. He thinks as he watches you get your cookbook from behind the mixer. I love you he thinks when he watches you place a mug from that morning in the sink. I love you he thinks as you get the sugar, the vanilla, the salt. He has to get up and get the flour for you, unwilling to have your arms strain underneath the heavy container, doting on you just because he can.

Just because he wants to, just because he loves you.

The shadow of what’s left on the bag hits his dark clothes like a ghostly outline when he holds it. The flour is a bit like you; everywhere he touches it leaves an impression. The rainbows from his suncatcher you put in the kitchen shift with the angle of the sunlight, winking out one by one as dusk falls.

He sits at the kitchen island and watches as you hum and flick through your recipe book. Golden hour fades to orange and pink the same way that roses fade.

He’s not sure why he blurts it out, why he asks, “What’s your favorite?”

You look up from your cookbook, everything is set out but still, the recipe is undecided. “What?”

Hobi can not look at you for this, instead looks at the kitchen island and the old butcher block countertop. Fingers toying along the edge where a knife left a gash.

“You always make everyone else’s favorites; Namjoon’s honey cakes, coffee-flavored things for Jin, the vegan stuff for Jungkook you know- but-” his eyes flick up to you in a moment of bravery. “What’s yours? What's your favorite?”

You think for a moment, a kitchen apart, fingers tapping on the countertop and Hobi can’t take his eyes off of you. His body feels a little achy but in that ‘was just fucked good’ sort of way that makes his breath deeper. Quieting some alpha part of him that always wants a little more. A little more scenting, a little more validation, a little more attention.

But everything can wait.

“My favorite thing to eat or my favorite thing to make?”

“Both. Either.” You glance at the clock. Going to the pantry for a second to double-check that you have everything you'll need. “I’ll have to make some of it from scratch but-" you look at him. “Do you have time?”

Hobi nods. “As long as you need.”

Hobi watches as you measure out the flour and sift it. Hobi watches as you wait for the eggs to get to room temperature and fucks with the playlist. His phone will eventually get splashed with coco but- it’s okay.

All of this is okay, all of this is I love you I love you I love you and I don’t know what to do with all of it, can you take someone it, please. I don’t have enough space in my body to hold all of it. Hoseok doesn’t speak for how sheer the impulse is just to blurt it out.

The yellow plastic mixing bowl keeps clattering against the counter as you stir the egg yolks until they froth up and fizz. Pouting you turn your eyes to him. “Can you help?”

Hoseok has to swallow back the words before they slip past. Hopping up a little too quickly. “Yeah of course.”

You don’t tell him what you’re making, let him guess. So many of your recipes need egg whites and vanilla. You let him put it together on his own. Hobi doesn’t peek at your recipe book and spoil the surprise.

Every action, every spoonful of sugar is I love you too, just say it. You don’t talk about the sex you just had and you don’t say I love you to him. You wait for him to say it first. You don’t say a thing besides; “Just a half teaspoon of that; drizzle it a little at a time, or else it clumps together. Good.” Hobi’s cheeks heat with every bit of praise and you have a lot of it for him.

Hobi looks away when you look up from the bowl, oh so carefully folding the batter and egg whites together. So gently that the hiss and bubble of whipped egg yolks disintegrating is hardly audible.

Hobi hasn’t baked since he was a kid; since he got into his head that chocolate chip cookies were totally something that an eight-year-old should be able to make on their own without adult supervision and almost burned his parents’ apartment to the ground. He tells you the story and you laugh.

He can tell that you’re making adjustments as you go. Adding in a bit of cinnamon, piping off the cookies in neat little lines, and then tapping them oh so carefully to get rid of the bubbles.

The stove preheats and then the tray goes in, filling the room with your scent. That cakey baking aroma that has him resting his head back against the cabinets when you sit on the floor and greedily breathing in.

You wait the 30 minutes like that, sitting on the floor between the cabinets and stove. Your feet pressed to his knees and a glass of lemonade between the two of you.

“You really like baking,” he says, and your eyelashes flutter, you must be getting tired. He takes your feet into his lap, using his hand to massage up your calf. Smiling when you sigh.

“Yeah, it makes me feel- I don’t know. I like making the world sweeter, just a little. Even if it’s just my little corner of it. Making things you guys like makes me happy too.”

“You know, you could go to culinary school if you wanted.” Hobi gets a little shy because you hadn’t explicitly told Jin and Namjoon not to tell anyone about your plans or your application (still pending). It will be a few more weeks until you find out, but that change is just on the horizon.

He's already seen Jimin perusing expensive leather bookbags and has overseen a recommendation letter coming from Namjoon’s email. Hobi might have read it for him to double-check because Hobi always notices things the others might gloss over. Jin and Tae had given it proof read too.

You make a noise in your throat, halfway between a hum in approval and a hum in distaste. “I don’t know, it seems like- a lot to do for a hobby.”

Hobi and you are the only two in the pack who wanted to go to college but didn’t. Couldn’t in your case because Geumjae wouldn’t let you and flunked out in his. He gets the lack of clarity in your voice; to go back or not go back. To try again or not try at all and not worry about whether or not you’re enough.

“I already started applying anyway. Namjoon and Jin and Tae put a lot of effort into helping me apply and-” You let out a frustrated sigh.

Hobi shakes his head, “Doesn’t matter. You can change your mind.” There is always time. You tap your toes against his shins and he grabs your feet and you jerk, ticklish. And he almost almost gives in to the urge to tell you he loves you right then and there.

“But could you be happy? Doing this all the time?” You turn, putting your hand over your eyes to peer into the oven and make sure that the ladyfingers are rising properly. “Doing it every day? Would it make you happy?”

You pause, hand on the door before replying in a small voice. “Yeah, maybe. Maybe I could be happy.”

You stand with a crack of your knees, sticking out your hand for Hobi and almost falling into him when he truly uses your hand to help himself up.

“Come on, we’ve got to make the whipped cream next-”

It goes like that, you both talking, and Hobi fucking with the playlist. Thinking three little words and not saying them.

You let the ladyfingers cool for a few minutes while you make the expresso. Dunking them in quickly. Piping out the honey-flavored whipped cream in sticky little dollops. Shaking out the cocoa with a practiced hand.

You make the caramel for the top last. Sugar-burning, glass-like little strands on top for a bit of crunch.

The tiramisu is a delicate creation, the layers perfectly spaced out in just the right ratio of cream to chocolate. You let it sit for a second in the fridge and when you take it out, you cut it into a single perfect little square and put it on a plate for him. Treading over the blue painter’s tape line and lingering by him where he sits.

“Try it.” You ask and he does obediently.

Hobi takes a bite of it, rolling the flavors around his tongue while you watch. You haven’t cut a piece for yourself just yet, but you have a fork. You stand on the other side of the kitchen island and take a bite from the other corner of the pan, humming happily when the taste hits your tongue.

It really is your favorite. You grin at the plate, “I could finish this whole thing in one sitting.”

Hobi takes another bite. It’s really good, the flavors are simple but delicate, each of them identifiable but yet cohesive. He could eat all of it too.

Hoseok swallows and realizes why it's your favorite; It tastes like all of you- like the pack.

The honey whipped cream is Jin and Jungkook, and the chocolate cocoa on top is your mate; dark chocolate like an Oreo cookie. Hobi thinks it might not be normal cocoa. The homemade ladyfingers are soaked through with Namjoon's coffee and the cake itself is a delicate dance of Tae’s cinnamon, Jimin’s vanilla, and your scent too. Buttery and yummy.

He's finished half of what's on his plate before he realizes that you added the crunchy layer on top, the caramel too.

That’s Hobi isn’t it? The Burnt sugar sweetness. He knows that’s not typical but still, you added in anyway. The smell of caramel is thick in the air. Sweet sweet sweet. Hobi always smells the sweetest when he’s falling in love.

The tiramisu tastes like the whole pack. Like love soaked threw. Hobi’s heart and body is full of it.

He thinks this might be his favorite too.

Hobi tries to blink back the wetness, really tries not to cry as he takes another big bite. He gets a little bit of whipped cream on his lip, licking it and sniffling. You pause, a bite hovering between the plate and your mouth before you set down your fork with a clink.

“Oh Hobi”

The space between you is nothing more than air as you quickly head around the kitchen island. You cup both of his cheeks and he sags into the touch, hands instantly going over yours to keep them there. Tears spilling warm and unabated down his cheeks.

Hobi decides right then he is beyond pretending that he doesn’t want it, that he doesn’t want you. Wet cheeks and imploring eyes.

“Oh Hoseok, what’s wrong?”

You’re standing between his legs and your collarbone rests against his cheek. Your hand runs through his hair and his heart pulses hard.

"I didn’t mean to make you cry. If this is because-” you trail off. You don’t say that you shouldn’t have had sex earlier because you can’t find it in yourself to regret this even a little bit. But you are sorry for not doing it in a way that didn't make him cry. If that's why he's crying.

“No it’s not that. I just-" Hoseok can hardly speak his mouth is so full of love that it bursts from him before he has a chance to think it through. Sobbing a little as he says it;

"I'm crying because I love you and I don’t know how to tell you.”

Hobi stutters and your hands on his cheeks go firm for a second before they relax. “I love you; I love being around you, I love that you're my best friend and that i get to love you too. I love living in this house with you. I’m crying because for the first time I get it-”

He can’t stop the confession now that it's started, and if he'd just open his eyes he'd get to see your smile but they're screwed shut tight.

“I get it, I get why once Yoongi met you, he couldn’t leave. I understand why he brought you back to us. But-” he hiccups and you giggle a little at the sound. His eyes shoot open and he realizes that you're crying too- that you haven't stepped away. You wipe away his tears with your thumbs and grin down at him.

“I'm so fucking afraid too- I can’t help but feel like the way we started just- fucked everything up. I fucked everything up back then by being jealous. I look at you and I’m scared I’ll fuck this up.”

You hold his face in your hands and think; I will be gentle with you, I will be gentle with you even if it kills me. You have never loved someone broken like you, and you know how easy it is to make a wrong step. But you’re sure when you say the words anyway.

“You won’t.”

“But-” you kiss his hands, knuckles, fingertips. His forehead, his lips Everything. Your eyes are focused and Hobi can’t look away.

“You won’t, you promised not to hurt me and you won’t.”

He falls silent, and you pull him in close. His lips still tingle from your kiss and you kiss him again, long and lingering, hard with the force of your conviction. It tastes like tiramisu.

When you break apart, Hoseok rests his ear on your heart and listens.

You should say I love you back, you really should return the words. But you think there will be other moments to say them. You'll say it when you wake up with him tomorrow morning, you'll say it when you fall asleep tonight curled close to him. There will be more time to say them- during a late-night drives when you look over at him in the dark. There are always going to be more times to say it and you’ll say it and mean it every time.

Unfortunately, life isn't so neat and tidy.

You wipe his cheeks and he wipes yours and you both giggle, leaning into each other. You get him a tissue for his nose and start laughing all over again. Being with Hobi will always be like this, half your lover and half your best friend.

“Do you want to go on a drive later, only,” you wipe tears from your own eyes, “want to take the others this time?”

He smiles, “That’s the best idea you’ve ever had.”

He tries to pull you in for another kiss but you feed him a bite of tiramisu instead and it gets half on his cheek, “finish your cake alpha,” you command, and Hobi is perilous to disobey. the next bite you take ends up on your cheek too because he tickles you, and you blush when he leans forward to lick it off your cheek. All giggly and happy and close. You sat practically on the edge of the counter. Noodle meows and laps up some of it from the floor.

You don’t need to say I love you back, you already have. Hobi can taste it on the edge of every bite.

You cut him another piece and share it this time, and he can't stop looking at you, can't stop smiling.

You smile around a mouthful, "i'm gonna tear up that train ticket."

"Don't you fucking dare. We've gotta like- put it in a scrap book or something."

You clean up the tiramisu, thinking of what might happen when the pack gets back, thinking of how things will go now that you’ve settled this. They’ll be happy; all of you all together finally. This last piece of your little family finally falling into place.

Maybe it will go like this:

Maybe when the pack gets home, there will not just be tiramisu on the counter. Maybe there will be gluten-free lemon bars and honey cakes. Chocolate ginger cookies dusted with powdered sugar and freshly baked bread with cheese and garlic. Little personal cheesecakes that you made in a muffin tin dotted with jam preserve because now that you’ve started to bake again there might not be anything to stop you.

You already feel the urge in your hands, the urge to make things. You think it might have been learned from Yoongi.

Maybe they’ll come home with pizza, unsure if a party and alcohol is really the proper way to go about celebrating, but the cake from the bakery that Tae will buy as a joke, will have flowery lettering and “congrats for losing your Hobi-ginity"

It will make you laugh until your lungs ache like the fireworks have gone off. Will make him blush and rub the back of his neck in shyness.

When they come home there might be a few sly comments but the pack knows when to tease and when not to. Maybe Namjoon will take a hearty sniff at Hoseok’s throat, dragging it up and down the nape of his neck, huffing happily. (Namjoon has always been a little bit possessive of Hoseok the same way Jin has always been possessive of you, but that's pack alpha's for you).

Tae will tuck your hair behind your ears to get a better look at the mark he left on your throat, manicured fingers gently stroking over it. and Yoongi will shoot him a challenging look and drawl, "really daisy? is this really something you wanna start?" all playful. the way yoongi only gets when he's really really happy.

And when Jin gets home, Maybe he’ll drag you over his lap with some squirming because there is no avoiding this hole check. Not when Jin and the others have been waiting.

Under the hungry eyes of the rest of the pack, you would still squirm. Your mate watching and grinning as he nibbles a piece of pizza and just watches as Jin pulls your sleep shorts down to your knees. Leaving them there to pin your thighs together. Hand against the small of your back to keep you still.

Of course, the pack omega has to look after the two of you and make sure the lowest on the hierarchy is being safe without a stronger presence nearby. But your entrance is pink fucked warm, not red and inflamed. Hoseok’s knot is the perfect thing to warm you up, and Jin tugs his sweatshirt over your hips to keep you warm as he examines you.

Fingers drag your entrance apart to show the others how good hobi did. Prompting them to touch and feel for themselves, all of their fingers teasing at your entrance and all of them touching you. Tae and Jungkook holding your thighs, Jimin and Namjoon resting their hands on your ass to help jin hold you open better and yoongi prodding to feel-

They'd want to see his cum slip out, forced from your hole by your needy clench. Of course, they'd just fuck it back inside because not a drop can go to waste. one set of fingers and then another, jungkook leaning down to taste.

Jin’s eyes would be all dark eyes and honey tones, looking hoseok up and down, cheeks as red as the sweatshirt you wear. His praise makes Hobi feel just a little bit too proud for his own good.

Hobi would probably get a knot-check for that, because if the alpha has something to be proud of then surely the others need to check his ego (and only in the way that hobi likes).

The alphas would scuffle with him a little, wrestling to settle him. Hobi's instincts are still fever bright and he needs to be put in his place. To feel the pack for what they are; very necessary safety bumpers.

He'd go so easily after a few nips- Jimin would help pull his pants down so Namjoon could get his big hands around him, fingers teasing at the red skin around his base and making Hobi growl and gasp. Pausing to cup lower and make sure Hoseok's empty, that he didn't hold back breeding you. Tae would tutt and make him open his mouth, her finger teasing along his teeth just for shits and giggles. Just to make him groan.

Nothing makes an alpha more proud than getting to show off his teeth.

Jin would smile at the display, and croon. “Good alpha.”

Maybe Jin will pat your pussy lips softly before pulling your pants up, making you flinch and then relax and jungkook would bend down to give Hoseok's knot a little kiss before standing.

The whole thing would take maybe 5 minutes but it would leave the whole pack ravenous for more. The final evidence of this finally happening; all of you together and not fragmented.

As you should be, together.

Maybe later, after treats and pizza, you'll all get to go to the beach like Hobi promised. Two separate cars. And Namjoon might let Hoseok and Jimin do donuts in the empty parking lot without too much fuss. The smell of tires and gasoline ripping.

Jungkook whooping and Yoongi watching on with his grin, Jin in the back seat with you going “Oh- oh hope- slow down” looking a little green. But terrorizing the pack omega is kind of your job.

It’s cold and late at night but you’ll tear out across the sand. Running to the shore. Tossing your shoes into the dark and toeing into the waves. Yelling happy.

You and Hobi will try and throw Yoongi into the water and then the other alphas will actually succeed in throwing Namjoon, pushing him until he inevitably tumbles into the seafoam. All 7 of you will try and wrangle Jungkook into the same wet fate and fail.

Jin will tuck Namjoon’s wet hair back behind his ear and grin at him, his grin saying the words they don’t need to. Kisses tases like secrets and salt but that much has not changed. Might never change when it comes to the eight of you. All the secrets in the world couldn’t keep you apart.

You’ll get zoomy in the way that dogs get in wide-open spaces. You’ll run. Your feet slapping against the sand, tossing spray into the air as high as your laughter, chasing after each other. A bunch of barefoot kids in too-big bodies and sand between your toes. Hands clasped tight in each other’s so that you won’t let go. You won’t ever let go now that you've found them.

For once you'll be absent of all the things that drag you down. Lighter than the warm air that billows over the sea. Mouths that store special secret salty smiles for the better. Damp fingers that curl against warm wrists. holding onto each other tight even though you’re running and running-

Running.

Maybe.

But that’s not what happens. Instead, what happens is this;

You are sitting at the kitchen counter when Hobi gets a text. It’s from Jungkook asking about the pizza types that you’d want and

Yoongi’s left his phone, he says with a little 👀 emoji. But he won’t truly tease the both of you until he gets home. Of course Yoongi was too distracted by you and Hobi post coitous to grab it from the other room.

you to to the pantry to put away the flour and this close- you can hear another phone ring from the bathroom. It's it yours? Only No, it's not your phone sitting on the counter, but Yoongi’s. Lighting up with Jin’s contact information.

JinJinJin: 5 missed calls.

It's so like your mate to leave his phone in such a random place. You smile as you pick up.

Jin is already talking a mile a minute. Fear and panic make his words come quick and desperate.

“Yoongi- why the fuck didn't you pick up" You don't have time to respond. Don't have time to let him know it's not your mate but you that picked up the phone.

"I don’t know how the fuck it happened, I don’t know- but-“ he’s almost shouting over the phone, such raw panic in his voice that it has your body going frozen.

Jin lets out a broken sobbing breath.

"I shot Minnie.”

~-~

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~-~

Notes:

I ended up editing out a good portion of Hoseok ’s inner monologue at the begining, because I realized that at that point in time with the other pack he wouldn’t have been thinking stuff about how terrible it was because it wasn’t terrible yet. i probably should have even edited it fluffier if we're being honest. i think that would have been more unsettling.

The line where she says “One second you're holding back and the next you're kissing him like he's Yoongi and he's kissing you like he's starving.” Is a little hard to explain, she’s not thinking about Yoongi in that moment but the person she associates the most with love is Yoongi so- yeah it made sense. I feel like this line might make people go a little like “what??”

I swear if you guys didn’t cry a little at the ‘It doesn’t hurt at all.’ Parts I’m not doing this right because I was SOBBING.

Listen, I almost edited out the line where he calls her pussy an inside joke so many times- but for me- when I was younger I always wanted to be a part of inside jokes because like- if you are that means you’ve got history with someone- Hoseok is thinking this because until this moment- he hasn’t been able to be apart of something that the rest of the pack had understood.

When Hoseok was leaving a hickey over her mating mark it’s his way of saying “this is mine too 😠” to Yoongi,

Honestly??? Why is Hobi so feral in this like- he’s a /little/ unhinged from how much he wants her and tbh it’s fair. Look away if you don’t wanna read him going APESHIT for her.

ALSO- I’m just imagining him on the walk with jungkook and Tae, cheeks slowly pinking up because he can feel that they’re having sex down the mating bond, maybe getting hard and the others noticing, both of them plastering themselves along his side and teasing him with words like “do you think he’s making her all wet and messy hyung? Do you think she’s gonna cream around his cock like she creams around yours?” and Yoongi just- endlessly suffering around the two horndogs that are Tae on estrogen and jungkook on a regular day.

The moment where they’re holding hands and it’s talking about palmistry is a refrence to noah kahan’s song everywhere everything and the line “it’s been a long year, in all of our books pages dog eared, we write out the ends on our palms dear, and forget to read.”

The worst worst worst part about this chapter is that I don’t??? have a fucking recipe for the tiramisu?? Like I’ve made it before but I’ve never made honey flavored whipped cream or put caramel on top 🥺 maybe I’ll test it out one dayand update this chapter

Okay so the ‘flash into the improbable future at the end is a little too horny for the end of smutt but I couldn’t just /not/ put it in there because you know how I love a good hole check scene.

do you hate me because of this cliffhanger? even i have to say its a little unforgivable.

please be patient for next chapter because i do not have A SINGLE fucking word written for it. like nada, we're starting from scratch come monday.

~-~

Hobi's sex Playlist (jk isn't not a sex playlist)

Dominic fike- Mama's boy (hobis' flashback)

Mitski – my love mine all mine. (yoongi telling him to be good)

Lana del ray – chemtrails over the country club. (the sex)

Olivia Rodrigo – can’t catch me now (when they're both triggered from the respective abusive relationships)

Tom o’dell – black Friday. (Juz cuz)

[dxxtruction]

its probably meant to be somewhat ambiguous but it seems most likely that armand was gaslighting louis so that he didn't trust himself and daniel didn't trust him. he also seemed to basically get what he wanted by instigating a fight and igniting some passion, we see by next ep's start it probably got resolved with sex and absolution. idk the talamasca angle is not as interesting a story

Ask is in reference to this post: HERE

That's cool. You're able to hold that I'm able to hold mine. Interpretations are just that. I will say it doesn't matter whether Armand planted them, or not, because he still ends up gaslighting Louis in the 2x04 argument anyway. It’s effectively gaslighting even if they are telling the truth here as they see it because of how things stack up and what's said.

It is basically how you said, and I'll just go ahead and expand for anyone who might not see it so clearly. Initially, it seems he's more or less trying to just get Louis off his case for the photos, and is willing to throw him, his mental state, and character under the bus, to do so. But Louis already straight up knows him of doing manipulative things, of this exact sort, in the interview before this event even occurred - Namely that Armand is making himself look far more approachable, and better to Daniel, even after they'd both agreed to basically tear this guy to shreds, which makes Louis look worse by default, and goes against what they agreed to both do. Armand has a repeated tendency to fall through on his promises, or promise things, but then take it his own direction when it suits him. In all cases, he does keep obstructing Louis interview, especially when it comes to Daniel, and won't fully admit to it. - this is why Louis' so reactive, among just the fact he has trauma related to being denied his own interiority, fullness, and freedoms, because he's Black, and in society, seen less human. Armand simply doesn't help his case by denying it, even if it were actually his truth that the photos weren't his doing. (Note; Armand has also faced horrific dehumanizing traumas, but in such a differing way I don't think he's able to empathize with the same way Louis been dehumanized in life. I argue a little if Louis is even able to do more than simply hold a lot of sympathy for Armand, as they really are not a lot alike in both their interior and exterior reality. I don't think that sympathy goes both ways often.)

The way he's also keeps behaving like the bigger person in this reinforces the belief Armand wants out of Louis, making him 'see' it, and probably also to Daniel as well who's definitely overhearing this (this particular part has a chance of being unintentional however, if he was only really intending to deescalate, but it still keeps the same effects).

Not only making Louis look like he's crazy to assume it, but denying he'd been doing anything wrong of the sort (by simply at no point coming forward and saying something reassuring of Louis reality along the lines of, 'I have been doing those things, it's just not this, and those weren't my intentions to hurt you with it, I'm sorry' or simply 'okay, I did it, sorry'). As well, it doesn't matter how much Armand's truthful, Louis is someone who necessarily does need reality checks like that, because he suffers from hallucinations, and as he's finding out, memory lapses, and not providing them will make him jump to presume it could be his own symptoms. Also, at one point in the argument, he actually throws out that Louis is insane, if it needed to be anymore obvious. Which is derogatory, if arguably true, though reinforces that Armand's behaviors to 'stop or aid his madness' in prior instances were all a-okay, and all necessary. There's nothing wrong with him, and what he's doing, its all Louis. (His intentions to deescalate, if anyone wants to take on that idea, would've changed by then. It reads as a pattern to me mimicking of the promises falling through.)

Anyway, I'd be saying in my interpretation that him willing to keep this up, even though the photos had nothing to do with it, just shows how much he'd actually use any situation that arises to manipulate/control Louis, and mess with Louis interview, as opposed to orchestrating or planning situations, so he can then also manipulate with it. With all intentions or not, it doesn't really matter. Which makes his manipulation more realistic, honestly. A better portrait of who Armand is tbh.

I don't claim this transcript as 100% accurate, but it's as close as I can get it:

L: Four Fred Steins in the album, four. You made me look foolish. 

A: You just assume it was me. 

L: Well, it wasn’t me. 

A: You sure about that? 

L: Excuse me?

A: I take it back. 

L: Take it way fucking back. 

A: It was probably an honest mistake from the staff.

L: You think I need to be coddled, hyped up, lied to? 

-cut-

A: You’re being Lestat! 

L: Go call on him, see what happens. 

A: A little ridiculous… It's the staff, dear.

L: I’m being ridiculous? You wanna see, you wanna see ridiculous? 

A: No, Louis, it was an honest mistake. You knew it.

L: AAAH

A: You weren’t here- 

L: LA LA LA LA

A: -And more and more of them-

L: LA LA

A: They got through! 

-flashbacks-

A: This isn’t about Lestat! 

-more flashback-

L: You lobbed at Daniel, and disrespected me. 

A: no no no no no no.

-flashback-

L: and over and over and over it’s always the same damn thing. 

A: You trying to trick me?

L: I don’t know I’m just your God now. The abandonment, and aren’t we both cut throat? 

A: You won’t believe me, when I was here. I’m the one who can see! 

L: Alright, first off, first off. 

A: You are insane! 

-fb-

L: You always do this! … We’ll be done with Daniel any day now. Now, knock it off. Its about the record, this is my interview. You hear me? The whole interview that will be heard by me. 

A: In a future that you won’t see!

-fb- 

L: No more! Will you go to speak without asking first. No more! Will you ever flirt around on your years. 

A: Oh, come to Dubai, Louis says, but not me. 

-Then I can’t make out anything-

Sex and absolution I do agree with as well. Like they did do that. I don't think either were expecting it to go that way from the beginning, though, as in neither started or orchestrated a reason for argument just to have makeup sex. That being somewhat normal for them after a big argument like that would not surprise me however. A certain interpretation I take of them having sex after (given the argument) was more that (it seems to me) part of the accusations here is that Armand is 'flirting' to win over Daniel's favor, and trying to get with him? Maybe even back together with him? (Centered a lot around Armand telling him his little love story with Lestat.) If not, just turning him against him. So having sex could reinforce Armand had/has no intentions of leaving, further obstructions wrt Daniel, and/or infidelity. That it's 'me and you' and not 'you and him'. (Which could be the real lie depending on how you want to take it here lmao. And is so bound to fall through because... Armand doesn't keep his promises, not even to himself it seems since he turned Daniel).

Again all interpretations are just that, so long as it can be legitimately supported by the text, and isn't grossly insensitive. The Talamasca just adds to the whole scene to me more than it detracts from it. The outside world necessarily has influenced both of their inside worlds, and further how they interact with each other in both, and is the cause behind of a lot of their behaviors and reactions. Talamasca causing those to erupt sort of points to that. It's real. The whole narrative actually feels more concrete and like there's a world outside who can still influence them if they were the one's doing it. Sometimes I feel people want to center Louis a bit too much in the story, which is fair, it is his story, he has a narrative that should be centered, but it is also other people's story as well. They are playing roles here in it.

Also this is why I really wonder if they'd ever revisit this? I'm a little peeved about it being so hidden tbh. There seems like so much added context and we're denied most of it from the music and constant flashbacks. Fingers-crossed maybe Daniel was recording it? IDK.

[tf2heritageposts]

saw your post about chronic pain and thought i'd give some pointers (from someone who is developing chronic pain themself and is learning how to deal with it)

stretching is important. yes i know this is the most basic ass response someone can say but trust me here. i am an artist who has been in shrimp position for more than 50% of my life (thus far) and just doing simple shoulder, elbow, wrist and hand stretches before/after working helps a T O N in the long run. it will be painful at first! it always is! but stretching does help to prevent even more pain down the line. i am unsure what pain bothers you the most (mine is my feet, lower legs, lower back and arms), so i'd suggest starting with some simple stretches in the regions where you tend to have pain.

collagen. if you don't know what that is, i can give you a summary without the science-speak: its the stuff in your joints that keeps your cartilage from breaking down. best way(s) to get it? if you are simple, and can afford it, they sell the stuff as vitamin supplements. if you're looking for a way to just naturally get more into your diet, i would suggest bone broth. (yes you could buy bone broth, but if you go through meat on the regular, and are able to cut bones out of them, don't toss out the bones! make bone broth with em. i would give an entire guide of how to do it but i would be here for much longer)

waterrrrr. the drinkerrrrrrrrrrrrr. hydration is also really important for preventing joint pain (or really pain of any variety). making sure to get proper hydration is important. if you live in a city area where the tap water might not be good, please be sure to get mineral water and not pure distilled. while distilled does taste better, it lacks a lot of minerals that water can naturally have that would be of benefit to your health.

don't overexert yourself!!!!!!!! please please PLEASE be sure to sit down if you need to (and are able to). repeated overuse of your muscles/bones/tendons can have a negative impact in the worst ways possible. (also getting a walker or cane is ideal!!! most walgreens and/or cvs's have an asile dedicated to mobility aids!!! do not feel ashamed to use it if you need it!! please!!!)

in terms of short term solutions, ibuprofen will not kill you. just be sure to rotate tylenol and ibuprofen. doing this will prevent you from unintentional ODing. (you may have heard this one before. if so feel free to ignore it)

going to an arthritis clinic sooner rather than later is a good idea. i don't know what your physical/insurance situation is like, but as someone who just recently was told by a primary care that the symptoms i am having is similar to rheumatoid arthritis [which runs in the family] (and really needs to move into a different state or city or town and get a different insurance that can cover the cost of multiple arthritis doctor visits AND a doctor who will take them seriously), it is important that you go to an arthritis clinic as soon as possible. If you do not know where to go, and are able to ask your primary doctor for a referral, most primary care doctors will refer you to something that is on your healthcare plan

i do apologize if this was really really long and winding... i am not the best at keeping things short

well i just realized i am living badly because

- i never stretch

- i am comstanrlh underhydrated

- i am always up and out and about hyerexerting myself

- only use ibuprofen

thank you kindly man

[theresia]

i dont trust these daemons At All... yk the first time a daemon was referenced in berserk?

sluggo creating a pseudo

[miserablesme]

The Les Miserables Changelog Part 1: Barbican Previews

Hello everyone! I'm starting out a blog which will look at my favorite musical, Les Miserables, and will discuss the various changes it has gone through over time (musically and lyrically). As it turns out, a LOT of edits have been made over the years so this will doubtless be a series with several parts.

This first part may well be the most difficult and will almost certainly be the most incomplete, as previews can be a time of extensive editing and experimentation. At least for the first few weeks or so, it's perfectly possible any one day of previews will be slightly different than any other day. However, I only have access to two audios from the Barbican Theatre previews of Les Miserables, meaning it's likely that lyrical variants exist which I have no way of hearing.

I am aware of the existence of a third audio which is fairly early in the run of previews, as the tape's master has told me that Gavroche's death scene is in its original form (I'll clarify that later). However, that tape has never been traded, and has sadly only been listened to by its master. I am also aware of a video proshot of the Barbican era that exists in the Royal Shakespeare Company library, but currently have no access to it. I plan to inquire about whether I can look at it sometime (though I'm not sure a blog like this is "official" enough to warrant it for research purposes). As such, this comparison only entails the two widely circulated audios from the Barbican run.

Now that we've gotten that cleared up, let's get started!

First, let's look at the opening "Work Song". In the earlier recording I have (let's call it R1), the beginning music (the same tune used, for instance, at the opening of "At the End of the Day" and "One Day More" and for Marius and Cosette's meeting in "The Robbery") stops. Then, a few moments later, the more familiar opening that leads directly into the prologue begins. By the time of the later recording I have (let's call it R2), the scores have been combined so that the first tune directly transitions into the second one.

Meanwhile, in R1 there is a sequence of lines that goes as follows:

I've done no wrong

Sweet Jesus, hear my prayer

Look down, look down

Sweet Jesus doesn't care

I killed a man

He tried to steal my wife

Look down, look down

She wasn't worth your life

I know she'll wait

I know that she'll be true

Look down, look down

She's long forgotten you

Most fans of the musical recognize the middle sequence of lines ("I killed a man" through "She wasn't worth your life") as no longer being lines in the show (for good reason, as we'll get into in a later edition of this blog). However, R2 keeps the lines. Instead, it deletes the third sequence ("I know she'll wait" through "She's long forgotten you"). I have no idea if this lasted only a few performances or made it all the way to the end of the Barbican run, or somewhere in between.

During "On Parole", specifically after Valjean is underpaid for his labor and sings about his frustration, R1 uses a variation of the "Work Song" theme which, to my recollection, is heard nowhere else in the musical. It can be heard here. By R2, it was switched to an in-tune version of the number with a unique opening. The musical retains that version to this day, but in case you can't recall it you can hear it here.

Minus an unintentional line flub in "At the End of the Day" in R2, the two Barbican recordings seem to use the same libretto and score from this point until "The Runaway Cart". At this point, R1 has a rather extensive scene leading up to Valjean saving Fauchelevent, which goes approximately as follows (the dialog is difficult to make out):

(VALJEAN)

Is there anyone here who will rescue the man?

Who will help me to shoulder the weight of the cart?

I will pay any man thirty louis d’or more

I will do it myself if there’s no one who will

We can’t let him die like that down in the street

Can you all watch him die and do nothing at all?

(FAUCHELEVENT)

Don’t approach me, Monsieur Mayor

The cart’s not gonna be holding

Not my poor mother would care if I should die

(TOWNSPEOPLE)

Don't go near him, Monsieur Mayor

There's nothing at all you can do

The old man's a goner for sure

Leave him alone

Most of that dialog is deleted in R2, so that it goes directly from "Who will help me to shoulder the weight of the cart" to "Don't go near him, Monsieur Mayor". I really like the idea of the original version; it seems reasonable that Valjean, having become a more trusted man, would expect the townspeople to help him. It's more meaningful that Valjean is good enough to do what's right when there's more time to establish that no one else is. Having said that, the original version did take quite a while and didn't really contain any relevant information that wasn't in the final version. I think the cut version as heard in R2 is a good compromise and retains the general mood and pacing to make Valjean's ultimate action satisfying (something that can't be said of later cuts, as will be discussed in a future edition of this blog).

Additionally, at the end of the number Javert refers to "the mark upon his skin" in R1 and "the brand upon his skin in R2 (as well as literally every subsequent performance since then to my knowledge). I have no idea if the "mark" line was a minor flub or was actually the original lyric.

"Who Am I?" is an interesting one. The musical content is identical in R1 and R2, but in R1 after his high note, Valjean shouts "You know where to find me!" with emotion so dramatic it sits right on the border between awesome and campy. By contrast, Valjean is totally silent after his high note in R2. Neither version would see its final day just yet, although the latter certainly has become more traditional over time. More on that in future editions.

From this point until "Master of the House" everything is the same between the two recordings. Roger Allam even comes in slightly late in both "Confrontation" scenes (making his line "-jean, at last...")! However, in the opening to "Master of the House" the following lines occur in R1:

(THENARDIER)

My band of soaks, my den of dissolutes

My dirty jokes, my always pissed as newts

My sons of whores

Spend their lives in my inn

Homing pigeons flying in

They fly through my doors

And their money's good as yours

(CUSTOMERS)

Ain't got a clue what he put into his stew

Must've scraped it off the street

Hell, what a wine

Châteauneuf de Turpentine

Must've pressed it with his feet

Landlord over here

Where's the bloody man

One more for the road

One more slug of gin

Just one more or my old man is gonna do me in

All of those lines would be scrapped in R2. Personally I prefer this shortened variant than the one that would occur much later. Sure, some fun moments get lost, but nothing that actually adds any substance or characterization to the musical (unlike the later cut, which I'll discuss in a later edition of this blog). Some have speculated that this is simply lost dialog due to a tape flip of degrading, given that future performances would retain those lines. However, there is firsthand confirmation that the cuts were in fact part of the performance. To quote Trevor Nunn on page 87 of 1990's The Complete Book of Les Miserables (a page which elaborates that "the cost of overtime incurred after three hours could be crippling at a time when Les Miserables was still trying to find an audience"):

"Cameron wanted major cuts, which would have reduced its length to two and a half hours. I resisted, refusing to discuss things on those terms... Some of the other proposed cuts - like the removal of the "Master of the House" scene-setting preamble - were tried out in previews and then restored as the scenes would not work without them."

From a historical perspective that quote is invaluable. As will be brought up in a later blog post (notice a pattern today?) the musical would in fact be cut much later to avoid overtime charges. When people like myself have expressed the opinion that these cuts come at the expense of artistic integrity, I've seen others defend them by claiming that the overtime costs never were relevant to Cameron and the gang until Broadway sales began to go down, and that if they were taken into account the musical may well be in its shortened form from the beginning. However, this quote proves that argument to be false. Right from day one, the crew was aware that retaining a >3 hour runtime would come with severe financial costs, but this was deemed a worthy sacrifice in order to tell the story they wanted told. Indeed, it sounds like Cameron Mackintosh was waiting quite some time to enact his infamous cuts! (Cameron Mackintosh valuing profit above art?! Crazy, right??)

But I digress. Going back to the musical, the "Waltz of Treachery" number is mostly the same. However, after Valjean's "It won't take you too long to forget" line, R1 has over a minute of wordless vamping which leads right into the rather awkwardly-placed "Stars" song. By contrast, in R2 this vamping (which is still a minute long, mind you) leads into a humming duet between Little Cosette and Valjean, similar to the duet right before the number. A nice little bookend that makes the scene feel all the more resolved. (Much later this duet reprise would ironically be scrapped again, though!) The remaining segment of R1's vamping now plays after this sequence in R2.

Minus some unintentional missed lines at the beginning of "Stars" in R1, the recordings seem to follow the same libretto right up until "One Day More". Here, R1 uses the following lines:

(EPONINE)

One more day with him not caring

(MARIUS and COSETTE)

Was there ever love so true?

(EPONINE)

What a life I might have known

(MARIUS and COSETTE)

I was born to be with you

However, by R2 this scene is in its current form:

(EPONINE)

One more day with him not caring

(MARIUS and COSETTE)

I was born to be with you

(EPONINE)

What a life I might have known

(MARIUS and COSETTE)

And I swear I will be true

And that closes act one! Going on to the second act, the opening barricade scene has a few changes. First off, following the opening notes, R1 features a rather odd tune bearing resemblance to "Do You Hear the People Sing" (which can be heard here) before transitioning to a more true-to-form instrumental reprise of "Do You Hear the People Sing?" By contrast, R2 goes straight from the opening notes to the true-to-form reprise.

Next, Enjolras proclaims "Have faith in yourself and do not be afraid" in R1, while in R2 he instead states "Every man to his duty and don't be afraid". It's unknown if this was an intentional libretto change or if it simply reflects a flub during R1. A later sequence uses the "Have faith in yourself" line, meaning he may have just sung the wrong line for that particular scene.

Finally, R1 includes the following sequence (at least I think this is how it goes, since the lyrics are a little hard to hear):

(PROUVAIRE)

And the people will fight

(GRANTAIRE)

And join with you

Who gives a speech in the square

Fortunately, R2 uses a much less clunky (though still somewhat so) sequence:

(PROUVAIRE)

And the people will fight

(GRANTAIRE)

And so they might

Some will bark, some will bite

This isn't quite its current form ("dogs" and "fleas" will soon respectively replace the two usages of "some"), but it's pretty darn close.

I've heard that the very first Barbican preview(s?) didn't have a finalized opening to "On My Own". Sadly there is no known audio record of this, so I cannot comment on what exactly it began as. As such, the next major change takes place during Gavroche's death scene. This honestly is probably the biggest of all the changes between the two recordings. R1 uses the following death scene (in the tune of "Look Down" right up until the "So never kick a dog" verse, which is in the tune of "Little People"):

How do you do, my name’s Gavroche

These are my people, here’s my patch

Not much to look at, nothing posh

Nothing that you’d call up to scratch

Some fool, I bet, whose brains are made of fat

Picks up a gun and shoots me down

Nobody told him who he’s shooting at

He doesn’t know who runs this town

Life’s like that

There’s some folk

Missed the joke

That’s three, that’s three

That one has done for me

Too fast, too fast

They’ve got Gavroche at last

So never kick a dog

Because he’s just a pup

You better run for cover when the pup grows...

By contrast, R2 uses a much shorter variant which is set entirely to the tune of "Little People":

And little people know

When little people fight

We may look easy picking but we've got some bite

So never kick a dog

Because he's just a pup

You'd better run for cover when the pup grows up

And we'll fight like twenty armies and we won't give...

This is much closer to its current form, although the last two lines are inverted (we'll get to that in a later edition).

We now fast-forward to "Dog Eats Dog", which while recognizable is very different from the number we know today. The chorus of R1 claims that "It's a dirty great sewer that's crawling with rats", which R2 changes it to "stinking great sewer" instead. I'd definitely say the revised lyric better captures Thenardier's and the sewer's grossness.

Additionally, regarding Marius' ring, Thenardier originally exclaims that he "didn't mean to waste it, that would really be a crime". By R2, the line changes to "wouldn't want to waste it", which I'd say makes a lot more sense.

"Javert's Suicide" has changed a lot. R1 features the following remarks following "Vengeance was his and he gave me back my life":

Damned if I live in this caper of grace

Damned if I live in the debt of Valjean

I'll spit his pity right back in his face

Is this the law or has sanity gone?

(I'm a little unsure as to how accurate the final line is.)

By R2, the lines have been replaced with the current ones:

Damned if I live in the debt of a thief

Damned if I yield at the end of the chase

I am the law and the law is not mocked

I'll spit his pity right back in his face

In R1, the "Where's the new world, now the fighting's done" line is absent, and there is nothing but instrumentals in the segment where it is usually sung. By contrast, it is sung as usual in R2. My guess is that an actress simply forgot her line in R1 and it was always supposed to be there, though I can't say for sure.

The final change occurs at the wedding scene. The singing which opens the number is repeated in R1. By contrast, R2 has it sung once and then done with, as it currently is (and as it should be in my opinion, since the music isn't particularly pretty and contributes nothing to the plot).

Later in the same scene, R1 includes approximately this exchange (again, it's quite hard to make out the exact lyrics):

(THENARDIER)

I was there

Never fear

Even got me this fine souvenir

He was there

Her old dad

*indecipherable* and fleecing this lad

Robbed the dead

That's his way

(MME. THENARDIER)

That's worth five hundred any old day

(MARIUS)

I know this...

By R2, everything between "He was there" and "Any old day" were removed, which makes sense given that they essentially just rehash what was already said.

Finally, there's a subtle difference in the epilogue, specifically during the "Do You Hear the People Sing?" reprise. In R1, the ensemble sings "They will live again in glory in the garden of the Lord". R2 replaces the word "glory" with "freedom", and that word remains the one used to this day. I suppose "freedom" is more appropriate for the context of peace and prosperity. To many, I'd guess that "glory" conjures imagery of knights, battles, and the like; just the kind of violence that the characters wish to move away from! I have no idea if this was why the writers changed the lyric, but it's my hypothesis.

Towards the end of the show, the chorus in R1 sings "Even the darkest moon will end and the sun will rise". By R2, this is changed to "the darkest night". Makes more sense to me, since moons aren't known for being particularly dark!

And that just about sums this part up! If I missed anything feel free to let me know, as my goal is to create a changelog as thorough and complete as possible. I plan on making more parts in the near future covering all the changes that have been made in the show up until this day (discounting concerts). Any feedback and constructive criticism is very much appreciated.

As a side note, both for this project and my own enjoyment, I want as complete a collection of Les Miserables audios as possible. I already have most of what's commonly circulated, but if you have any audios or videos you know are rare, I'd love it if you DMed me!

Until the turntable puts me at the forefront again, good-bye...

[lostonehero]

Tw sexual themes mentions of child abuse mentions of murder

"Remember Maxie instincts are a powerful thing, even on land you cannot escape them."

"You'll never be human you idiot."

"Humans are food not something you should desire to be."

"You're the weakest here."

"You deserve every punishment."

"You were the mistake of mating season"

"Follow orders like your older siblings."

"You need to be punished."

Maxie gasps as he jolts upright in his bed

The red head fumbled for his morning coffee that nightmare, well more like memories he hasn't had in such a long time. He sighs mixing in a red liquid to his coffee and drinks. Human blood wasn't hard to get and it helped keep his instincts from going nuts because he was hungry. He sighs shaking his head of memories he didn't want to remember.

"Hey Maxie I thought you were going to sleep in, it's our day off, and Steven keeps telling you to rest more so then your former admins." Archie chuckles placing his hand on Maxie's shoulder.

Macie sighs, Archie did worry about him, they were still new to the whole dating thing so they were taking it slow. "Bad dreams Archie didn't want to return to it."

Archie frowns a look of concern in his eyes. "Was it about that day." He trails off referring to the day they both summoned two titans to destroy the world.

"Actually no, just old memories of family." Maxie frowns sipping his coffee.

Archie slightly taken aback. "You had bad parents?"

Maxie froze forgetting that he was never really open with his past to Archie even now that they were together. He sighs letting his guard down. "My siblings were kind my parents however were not you've seen my scars Archie they were from the many punishments I received from them."

"That's horrible Maxie."

"Its been a long time since I've seen them so don't fret that much."

"Is that why you're iffy around my folks."

"Yeah..." Maxie sighs one secret down the next he wasn't ready to face let alone tell Archie.

"Shit sorry"

"Not your fault Archie, besides I like your family."

"Right good so uh did you put your iron stuff in the whole coffee pot?"

Maxie chuckles. "No Archie just my cup I know better then to repeat that."

"Good because your supplements medication or whatever you put in your drink is horrible."

"To you."

"To everyone Maxie."

Maxie chuckles feeling better talking to Archie.

......

"I swear Archie something is up with Maxie." Shelly frowns sharing lunch with Archie on there break.

"I would normally disagree, but he has been awfully clingy lately and a but er forceful in other ways." Archie sighs a light dusting of red on his cheeks.

"Is he hurting you? Archie I swear I'll kill him."

Archie slightly stunned. "No no no not at all, actually it's the opposite besides the bedroom. He has been giving me gifts and little trinkets for the past week, and he has been singing whenever we are alone just to me. Weirdest part is that I keep catching Maxie lingering by the beach."

"Shit Archie that lava nerd hates the ocean. Do you think he might be getting sick because his behavior is weirder then normal."

"I don't know Shelly, he'll everytime I try to ask he gets weirdly embarrassed and runs off."

"That rock head is being weirder then normal uh has the bite mark he gave you gone away yet?"

Archie frowns and shakes his head. "It turned black and the doctors said it wasn't infected."

"That can't be good."

"I don't know Maxie keeps getting embarrassed or mad at himself whenever I bring it up. I think he might be harming himself over it but I'm fine with it, and I keep trying to tell him that."

"I can ask Courtney to help get Maxie to the doctor."

"I want to try to help first."

"I get it but if Maxie is being self destructive again he needs more help then you can give."

"I know amd I never want him to go down that path again."

"Just be careful and keep that nerd safe I hate to say it but he is good for you."

Archie nods throwing out his trash. "Yeah I'll tell you if something changes."

......

"Leader Maxie." Courtney's deadpan robotic tone nearly made Maxie jump out of his skin.

"What is it." Maxie snapped then sighs rubbing his temples he needed to reel in his temper, I was smack in the middle of mating season and he already marked Archie, and they were going at it like buneray but it wasn't what he needed. He knew he needed to claim Archie in the water to complete the bind as mates and his instincts were drinving him up the wall as he kept denying the action.

"My apologies for bothering you but we are growing concerned with your recent behavior."

Maxie freezes rubbing his temples. "Have I been that bad?"

"We are concerned for your mental health."

"I'm fine Courtney I promise." He pauses and scowls. "Don't argue with me I just have some personal issues to sort through."

She frowns and watches Maxie leave. Something was wrong and she needed to figure out what.

.....

Archie was playing with his sharpedo on the beach when Maxie approached him. "Good job Bruce you are such a good boy."

Maxie glares and unconsciously growls getting Archie's attetion.

"Maxie what are you doing all the way out here I thought your admins made sure you got some bed rest. We are just worried about you I know you don't like being locked-" Archie's words are cut off as Maxie forces him into a deep kiss.

Archie pushes him away. "Maxie what has gotten into you? Shit I'm calling the doc-" again Archie is cut off when he hears Maxie begin to sing but it was different it was as if his body was reacting to the song and his body was yelling get into the water and let him finish the bond. Archie blacked out after that.

~~

Maxie woke up and he felt like he was floating then he realized he was in the water. A weight was on top of him as he drifted in the ocean. Then it clicked it was Archie sleeping on top of him as he floated on the waves. "Fuck " he cursed waking up Archie.

Archie woke up wet sunburned and his ass was so sore, also where were his clothes and why was he drifting in the middle of the ocean. Panic started to bubble up in his chest as he was gripped from behind unable to struggle out of the grasp.

"Archie relax I can explain."

"Maxie? Fuck this has to be a dream."

"Archie relax please I'll get us back to shore."

Archie breaths eventually evened out as Maxie began to explain as they made the long trip back and turns out Bruce was with them the entire time and Archie decided riding on him was better then Maxie.

"Maxie I'm sorry."

"Stop it's my fault I forced you to mate, and I didn't even stop and ask if it was OK I just sang and I used you."

"Maxie stop I would of agreed regardless I love you."

Maxie sinks deeper to hide his face before resurfacing and splashing Archie.

Archie laughs feeling the tension leave. "Wait is that why you were acting weird?"

"It was mating season amd I was courting you."

"Is that what the gifts were, and the bite mark was a marking?"

"Y-yeah."

"And the constant sex?"

"Yeah sorry."

"I mean I'm not I found out I was a bottom and a size queen I feel no shame in learning new things about myself."

Maxie huffs frustrated. "Why aren't you mad at me, I lied to you about what I am, I used you, I bonded and mated you without explaining or asking for permission."

Archie sighs. "I was more worried you were hurting yourself again, and it turned out like this so I'm more relived then anything, slightly annoyed because I'm dating a damn ironic bastard who is a sea creature I used to have fantasies about."

"You're disgusting." Maxie tries to cover up his blush as they continue making Archie laugh.

"You know you love me, and now you're stuck with me."

"I know that doesn't mean I can't get annoyed with you."

They devolved into some nice banter as they reach the shore until Archie breaks it asking a simple question.

"So this is a one time thing right? You bonded and mated me so you're good right?"

Maxie watches Archie go back on land picking up his discarded clothes. "Not exactly."

"What?"

"Next year I might knock you up." He says quickly enough Archie almost doesn't catch it.

"What? Maxie last time I checked I am a man and that's impossible."

"Last time I checked I'm a siren and sirens during mating season biology for humans doesn't matter.... I mean well " he frowns trying to find the right words. "You'll develop the parts if it takes and they will vanish once you have the kids."

Archie stays quiet and Maxie frowns flinching and biting his tongue.

"I can be a dad, we don't have to adopt?"

Maxie slightly taken aback. "Well I mean you could but I won't force you not like this."

"No Maxie I always wanted a family of my own and he'll with our history nobody in there right mind would let two criminals adopt or foster a child. But I can still be a dad " Archie rushes back into the waves and grabs Maxie's hands. "We can be dads."

Maxie can feel himself pur and go red at the same time. "Archie relax I want to get my instincts in check, and I don't need you making a fuss over this."

"You purr this day keeps getting better doesn't it."

Maxie huffs but doesn't push Archie away. "I need to explain my instincts to you and my behaviors." He sighs "could you maybe get me a fresh pair of clothes my tail kind of destroyed my pants and my back fin ripped my shirt in two."

Archie laughs as he runs off to get the clothes leaving Maxie red faced in the water.

......

Maxie hands Archie a very detailed list of several pages. "Here is a detailed list of my instincts and behaviors you may witness and experience, I've also made copies for our former admins since I trust them with my secret... and they also seemed concerned for my wellbeing the past few weeks."

Archie hums reading over the list then pauses. "So the jealously thing was unintentional?"

Maxie looks away. "Well you are my mate now and sirens can be very protective of there mates, and I don't want to share you."

"Why aren't you annoyed when I hang out with Matt or Shelly?"

"There your family, I mean not by blood but I" he grumbles. "I can tell that you guys are family."

Archie blushes. "That's actually really sweet." He continues to read then stops again. "Wait how are you going to tell the others?"

"We have a pool in this facility I'll show by example. Physical proof is hard to disprove."

"Alright but are you ok with this?"

"Its not like I have a choice Tabitha found my blood packets last month and I had to make an excuse for that, and they are already concerned with my recent behavior. " he frowns. "And its not like I haven't saved them from drowning before."

"You did?"

"I mean yeah Courtney can't swim, and Tabitha gets a panic attack when in the water so swimming isn't a option for him. It wasn't there fault I just happened to be close enough to save them."

"Thats really sweet. You really are a big softie."

"I have eaten many men Archie I am terrifying."

Archie gives Maxie a soft kiss making the shorter man blush.

[smp-live]

Man in the (Shattered) Mirror Ch. 6

AO3   First   Prev

Quackity trekked through the forest of redwoods, brushing a branch out of the way. It bounced back and smacked him in the face.

“Fuck,” he cursed with an irritated scowl, rubbing at the sore spot on his forehead. At least it didn’t cut.

He kept walking, pushing past more annoying redwoods and oak trees. The dead leaves on the ground barely crunched, soggy in the wet winter air. It was an abnormally warm day, not cold enough for his breath to fog despite it being January.

Honestly, he’d rather not be here at all. He’d always preferred the organization and structure of cities, their cobblestone streets perfectly laid out and wooden houses providing shelter from the wind. But over time, he’d gotten used to making his way through the woods; he’d been forced to, after all. Especially this specific overgrown path.

Quackity pushed past one last branch and into a familiar clearing, no longer tramped down with constant footsteps, but grassy and lush. The door on the cliffside was broken and falling off its hinges, clumps of moss glued to it for camouflage falling off. Clearly nobody had been here in a long time.

He slowly nudged the door, just enough to slip by. It was apparently too much movement for the rusty hinges, though, for it crashed into the underbrush with a loud clatter of branches. Quackity winced at the sound. Even standing here, just at the entrance to Pogtopia, it felt wrong to be loud. To disturb things. Like ransacking a graveyard.

He should really turn around, but he needed cobble for his newest project, and Pogtopia had some, last he remembered. If nobody had taken it. And he’d really rather scavenge it than go mining for days.

Or, at least, he had rather, he thought, eyeing the dark tunnel spiraling down into Pogtopia proper.

“Come on, Q, you’re being a bitch,” he muttered to himself with a laugh, lighting a torch that sent shadows dancing on the walls. His quiet footsteps echoed in the stairwell, amplifying them tenfold, and the air seemed to somehow grow perceptibly colder in the five seconds it had been. “Jesus fucking Christ, this is creepy.”

He made his way down, down the rickety paths hanging high above the ground below, amongst long-extinguished hanging lanterns. The air was stale and scentless, each of his steps sending up a little poof of dust and dirt that quickly settled back down.

Before too long, he’d made it to the storage room, lined floor-to-ceiling with chests. They’d been mostly empty or full of useless shit, but hey. Who knew what he might find. He knelt down and started rummaging through the nearest one.

A rock clattered to his left.

Quackity whirled around, raising his torch high, heart pounding in his chest. A rat’s tail disappeared behind a chest.

“See? It’s nothing,” he told himself with a chuckle. “Just a rat. Nobody’s here, obv-“

Something - someone - grabbed him from behind, and he screamed. In his surprise, his torch dropped out of his hand, plunging the room into darkness. Quackity wriggled and thrashed against the grip and, somehow, his arm managed to catch his captor in the nose. They cursed but held on tight, and eventually managed to slap a hand over his mouth. A familiar, gloved hand.

Oh God oh fuck oh shit he was fucked-

“Quackity? What. The fuck. Are you doing here – you Manburgian,” one Wilbur Soot hissed into his ear, then moved his hand away to wrap his elbow around Quackity’s throat, instead.

“Wilbur?” he asked with a nervous laugh. What the fuck – Wilbur was dead. He’d seen the body with his own two eyes. “What-“ He cut himself off as Wilbur squeezed tighter.

“I’ll ask one more time – what are you doing here?”

Quackity swallowed. “I- I was just coming to get supplies-“

“And how,” Wilbur snarled, “exactly, do you know about this place? Was it Tubbo? The Blade?”

“No, no, what?” Now Quackity was even more confused. “You brought me here yourself.”

“I would do no such thing. Not to Schlatt’s Vice President. I’m not fucking stupid, Quackity.”

Quackity squeezed his eyes shut. He hadn’t been referred in relation to Schlatt in… a while. “Okay, okay. Obviously, we’re not on the same page here. So why don’t you let me go and we can have a nice, civil discussion about what’s happening.” Wilbur hesitated, and he added, “I promise I won’t try anything. On my honour.”

And that must have been good enough for Wilbur, for he pulled back with an “…alright.” Quackity heard some shuffling, the click of a lighter, and then he was blinking furiously against the light as Wilbur relit his torch.

He looked like he always had, dark eyes dancing in the firelight with messy hair. A blood-stained shirt under his dirty, patched-up trenchcoat where he was dropping his lighter back into his pocket. He looked up, his eyes caught on Quackity’s left cheek and he frowned.

“What happened to your eye?”

Quackity instinctively reached up to where he was staring, touching the rough-scarred skin under his eye. “A fight,” he said, unwilling to say exactly what had happened. That fucking pig.

“Mm hm.” Wilbur raised an eyebrow but didn’t question him further. “You still haven’t answered my first question.”

“Do you really not remember?”

“Quackity,” he warned.

“Wilbur,” Quackity mocked back. Wilbur sighed, and waved his hand in exasperation.

“Just-“

Quackity rolled his eyes. “Why are you so difficult all the time?” Wilbur scowled and moved towards him, so he took a defensive step back and raised his hands. “Okay, okay! After the Festival, Tommy found me alone in the woods, so he took me here? With you?” He wisely left out the whole thing with the button; not thinking that Wilbur would appreciate it much. But he still frowned.

“The Festival?”

“…Yeah? The Manburg Festival? October 16th? Tubbo got executed? Damn, whatever fuckin’… higher power, or whatever, brought you back must’ve really fucked with your memory.”

But Wilbur didn’t seem amused by the joke. He stared blankly ahead, shallow breaths barely noticeable with the flickering lighting. His gaze flickered to Quackity. “What do you mean, October 16th?”

“What?”

“It’s September 29th,” he said, complete honesty in his eyes, and oh, shit.

“Oh, fuck, okay,” Quackity said, “uh, that is not the date. It’s January.”

Wilbur’s face darkened. “You’re fucking with me. You’re a spy sent by Schlatt and you’re trying to convince me that I’ve lost it-“ he started pacing, one hand tugging at his hair while the other held the torch “-but it won’t work because I’m fine! I’m not-“

“Wilbur!” Quackity exclaimed, because holy fuck, he had to snap him out of this spiral. “I killed Schlatt.”

He froze. “What?”

“I killed him, the day after the Festival. Shot him. Took a life. He’s fully dead now, okay? You can trust me.” Quackity spoke calmly, like he was soothing a horse. It apparently worked, because Wilbur just closed his eyes. Clenched and unclenched his fist. Took a deep breath, and when he spoke again his voice was smooth.

“Okay. This is fine. You,“ he gestured at Quackity, “are on our side, now, apparently, because future me trusted you. Okay.”

Quackity slowly peeled away from the wall. “We good now?”

“I still don’t fuckin’ trust you,” he said lowly, “but yes.”

“Okay, good,” Quackity said, relief flooding through him, and he grabbed his torch from Wilbur’s hand and his bag from the ground. “C’mon. Let’s go. It’s creepy here.” Wilbur paused.

“I’m… not allowed to go to L’Manberg,” he said hesitantly, and Quackity’s blood froze. Right. Wilbur didn’t know what had happened, that it was gone, and he didn’t particularly want to explain right now. Instead, he just said,

“Your exile’s over. I’ve just decided.”

Wilbur snorted, but set off behind him. “Nice quip. How long d’it take you to come up with that one? All conversation?”

“Shut the fuck up.”

An unintentional grin spread across Quackity’s face as he cautiously led Wilbur up the rickety bridges too narrow to fit side-by-side on. Prime, he’d missed this banter, like they’d had during the election. After the Festival, the ex-President… hadn’t exactly been up to it, most nights.

Someone emerged from the stairwell right in front of him.

Quackity reeled back, nearly losing his balance and sending scree clattering down the ravine until a hand on his shoulder steadied him. Except that didn’t calm his pounding heart, because right there, frozen in just as much shock, was another Wilbur.

A different one, with tired, dead eyes that quickly grew fiery, dancing in the light of both their torches. He was dressed in the same trenchcoat as the Wilbur standing slightly behind him, only torn and caked in ash and soot. And his shirt…

A large gash ran through the no-longer-white cotton, drenched in barely dried blood. The tear was large enough to see Wilbur’s chest and the scar, pale pink and freshly-healed, from his stomach to halfway up his chest. Quackity felt sick. It was identical to Ghostbur’s, only no longer open and oozing blue, (and was that seared into his memory, ever since he’d first seen it.)

“Well,” the Wilbur in front of him said, thoughtfully, carefully, “this was unexpected.” The one next to him took a small step back.

“What the fuck,” Quackity said, holding his ground. Wilbur ahead of him laughed.

“Quackity, oh, Big Q, hey,” he said, sickeningly sweet, “long time no see, I guess, huh? For you, at least.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“Hm. You’ll figure it out,” his eyes gleamed. “You’re a smart one, aren’t you? You always knew how to come out on top.”

“I don’t-“

“Oh, don’t bullshit me, Big Q,” he growled. “You know what I’m talking about.” And he took a step forward. Quackity backed up, bumped into something warm. Then other-Wilbur was shoving past him, shoulders drawn high and face smoldering.

“Stay away from him,” he all-but-growled.

Bad Wilbur, villain Wilbur, button room Wilbur laughed again, high-pitched and empty, and it echoed familiarly through the ravine. “What? Trying to protect your crush?”

“I don’t have a fucking crush on Big Q.”

“Sure, sure,” he dismissed, waving a hand. “Call him whatever you want. You’re protecting him from yourself, anyways. Kinda pointless if you ask me.”

“And what the fuck does that mean? I fuckin’ hate him, but I’m not gonna hurt him.”

He snorted. “Sure. Keep telling yourself that. Keep telling yourself you’re not gonna hurt them all. Because it’s a fuckin’ lie.”

“What?”

“Oh, Wil,” he said softly, gently, as if he was trying to help. “You’ll learn. You’ll fucking learn. We’re not a good person.”

And he pushed past the two on the narrow ledge, nearly sending them careening over the edge. “Stay away from me,” he called out, “or you know what happens.”

They watched his light bob down for a moment, then Quackity grabbed his arm and started pulling him up the stairs. They were not sticking around, thank you very much.

Wilbur followed along, apparently shellshocked. Except he’d have to differentiate them, now, right? This was good Wilbur, the one before he’d snapped, before the Festival and the button room – because apparently they had to differentiate like that. Because villain Wilbur was here too. What the fuck.

“That was…” Wilbur looked vaguely sick, just like Quackity felt, and he stumbled on a step before quickly catching himself, “me. Alright. Okay.”

Quackity just nodded. Pushed down the bile and anxiety in his throat. “Yup. Now c’mon. I want answers.”

-

“Tubbo! Holy fuck!”

Tubbo stood at the call from his best friend, up from his kneeling position in the snow. Work on the new settlement he’d dubbed Snowchester was going well, refugees from L’Manburg working alongside newcomers to erect several dozen houses, at this point, and the foundations for many others. They’d already set up docks for trade, and Tubbo himself had just been working on laying the fence of a llama farm – the animals did well in the cold, after all, and they couldn’t exactly grow many crops up here.

That wasn’t the only issue. They weren’t an officially recognized country, (yet,) which… had it’s benefits, yes, but they couldn’t really form any trade treaties. Nor alliances. Nor have any protection from anybody seeking to harm them.

So yeah. He kinda wanted to be recognized. But for now, until they had a better defense system, it was better to lay low. Stay under the radar, until they could protect themselves.

He was working on that last bit.

Tubbo dusted snow off his pants with frost-nipped hands. Tommy was running up to him, cheeks dusted red from the chill, and there was Ranboo, walking at a much more reasonable pace behind him.

“You’ll never fuckin’ guess what happened, Tubzo, oh Prime,” Tommy rambled, nearly knocking him over and grabbing onto his arms to steady himself. Tubbo fought off the urge to push him away. He clearly needed it, judging by how he looked nervous, and panicked – and was that a tinge of relief or joy?

Immediately, Tubbo’s blood chilled, and his mind started racing to the thousand contingency plans he’d been implementing. “What?” he asked, careful to keep his voice steady, as he’d learned in Schlatt’s cabinet.

“You… might want to sit down for this,” Ranboo said, walking up to them, and Tubbo frowned. Oh, Prime, it was bad news then. Tommy’s hands suddenly burned on him and he pulled roughly away.

“I’m not fucking weak,” he snapped, and they both stepped back nervously.

Ranboo raised his hands defensively. “I’m not saying you are?” The swell of rage in his chest simmered down.

“Sorry,” Tubbo mumbled. “I know. Just tell me. Who died?” Tommy laughed at that, high-pitched and borderline hysterical.

“No uh, the opposite actually.”

“What?”

“Remember when uh- when Ghostbur – on Doomsday – he came up to us?” Tommy rambled – he had a tendency to do that when he was nervous, or there was bad news. Tubbo nodded. “Yeah, uh, he wanted to be resurrected, right? And we said yes, and he did research, then you two went on a road trip to look for a totem and left me behind – thanks for that, by the way, it was fuckin’ boring around here-“

“I thought you wanted to stay behind?” Ranboo interjected.

“Shut the fuck up, Boob Boy, I never fuckin’-“

“Tommy,” Tubbo warned, getting impatient. He could dance around the topic for hours, if there was bad news, and they couldn’t afford that.

“Right, right, well, uh, the resurrection was today, and,” he looked Tubbo straight in the eyes, “it worked. Wilbur’s back.”

Tubbo took a step back in shock. “What?”

“Yeah, he’s back, and he’s not our Wilbur, Tubbo, it’s right-before-he-died Wilbur, and he said he’d do it again-“

Tubbo didn’t hear any more of what he was saying as static swelled in his ears. No. No. Not again. It can’t happen again, I- I can’t-

He abruptly took off, towards a small room only he could know the location of, barely conscious of the way his boots dragged in the snow. I can’t let it happen again. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tommy lunge towards him, faintly heard him call out, “Tubbo?” Ranboo held him back, muttered,

“Leave him. He gets like this sometimes.”

Tubbo kept going. Down the main street, onto a barely-there path that led to a small doorway hidden on the rocky side of a hill. He punched in the code to the keypad – the code only he knew, for now. It was too risky telling anyone else. Then he entered, quickly climbed down the ladder.

The bunker was cluttered, sheets of paper with calculations scribbled upon them scattered willy-nilly. The walls were covered in tools and bits of sheet metal, and tables with failed prototypes sat scattered around, glinting in the dim artificial lights.

He’d planned on taking his time with this project, using it only as a last-ditch resort. Maybe against Dream, if he came for them again. But they’d reached that point. He was desperate.

With Wilbur back and bad as ever, Snowchester would be the first target on his list. Another settlement, fresh and newborn, led by the second coming of J. Schlatt? They stood no chance.

He couldn’t fail his people again.

Tubbo pulled on a pair of welding gloves. No time for thoughts. He had work to do.

[obsessedwithbbandsuju]

True Love [Rewritten]

You been so convinced that Donghae was that special person for you. But then you began to notice that things were changing.

*Rewritten version of this

Pairing: Lee Donghae/Reader

Warnings: Infidelity

___

eonni: a term used by a female to refer to another female, older than her, that she is close to

___

True love.

It was never something you had really believed in, until you met Donghae. Maybe it was because your idea of true love was just too lofty. You wanted everything you read about in the books. Unshakable devotion. Absolute trust. Untouchable intimacy. Your idea of true love was the kind of love where no real work was needed between the two parties, because they belonged together. The kind of love where both parties were willing to move heaven and earth for the other. The kind of love where there was nothing else in the world that both partners valued over each other. The kind of love where both parties would sacrifice anything necessary for the other person. The kind of love that always burned high and never died down under the test of time like so many people around you told you relationships worked. The kind of love that a person never got over, no matter how many long, trying years passed. No matter how many of your partners left you, no matter how badly your relationships turned out, you seemed incapable of letting go of that ambition. It didn’t matter that you heard countless accounts of how love was nothing but tricks that hormones played, that all romantic love eventually became platonic love or just died, or even the many pessimists who claimed that love wasn’t real. You believed in your idea of true love, you believed it was possible to achieve that, and you wanted to achieve it. To find the one person that was meant for you.

You found that true love with Lee Donghae. God, how could you describe him? He was everything to you. You loved everything about him. There wasn’t a single thing in the world that you wouldn’t give up for his sake. If Hell existed, you knew you’d even willingly go there if he needed you to. You happened to run into him, by pure chance, when you went on a vacation to Korea. He walked into you, quite literally, and when you’d recognized the man apologizing profusely and offering you a hand to help you stand, you, as an avid Super Junior fan, had practically exploded.

But even that was nothing compared to how you felt when he asked you to be his girlfriend. You’d never felt such an intense, consuming high in your life before. It was more than you expected was possible for one human body to accommodate. How could you possibly have said no? You’d do anything for him. You gave up your close proximity with your family and moved to Korea, to his place. Now, normally, you weren’t one to rush relationships so much. You preferred to take it slow, and you had no interest in winding up in some man’s house only to go through the trouble of moving back barely three months later. But with Donghae, you knew it would be different. You’d never loved anyone before as much as you loved Donghae. His kindness, his humor, his liveliness, his charm, his smile, him – you were head over heels, you knew you were head over heels, and you were unapologetic and unashamed of acknowledging and admitting it. He was your entire world, and it was easy for you to tell that if you had to be in a long-distance relationship with him, you wouldn’t be able to take it. You usually wouldn’t be too keen to be dependent on a guy – after all, your Korean might be fluent since your parents had taught it to you since a young age, but you had no job, no way to make money. But Donghae, you trusted him completely.

You even gave him your first time. Even though he wasn’t your first relationship, and you leaned toward the preference of physical intimacy after marriage, he was the first person to make you feel like you could really find a home in him forever. He was the first person whom you trusted enough to give something so important to.

For nearly three years, the relationship felt flawless. The two of you would do everything together. Donghae would take you on walks outside and watch the sunset, holding your hand, smiling at you and telling you how beautiful, how perfect, you were. He’d happily help you with the laundry when he wasn’t busy with schedules, and often it’d end up in a childish fight of throwing clothes at each other until you’d made a mess and both of you were breathless and flushed with laughter. He’d lay in bed, holding you in his arms and telling you every little piece of himself. Often, he’d switch the topic to you then, making you flush with embarrassment as he described all the sweet things he’d thought about you and as he expressed how he couldn’t seem to breathe when you weren’t there with him.

Sure, you two had arguments here and there, but they ended rather quickly when you apologized. You couldn’t bear seeing Donghae angry, and neither did he enjoy it – he almost instantly accepted your apologies. He was loving, caring, and attentive, paid attention to your every detail and took the time to learn every single one of your likes and dislikes, so he could surprise you and please you on the appropriate occasions. When he was away, he always made sure to call every day, to ask how you were and to assure you that he’d be home soon. Even when he was exhausted with schedules there would be times when you walked out into the kitchen to see that he had made you a meal. He wasn’t the greatest cook in the world, but the thought and the love that had gone into the food made everything he made for you absolutely scrumptious.  

Donghae was so impossibly good to you. He made you feel secure, full, loved, and protected, always, and your love for him burned. Sometimes, you thought it might just swallow you whole with its searing intensity. You couldn’t possibly ask for a happier relationship in every way possible, except…

Except the fact that you were jealous of his best friend.

You knew it was irrational – every empirical fact told you that it was, and you considered yourself a logical person. Yet for some unknowable reason, you were just unable to shake that feeling of envy that enveloped you whenever you saw Donghae with Hyukjae. You knew that their fans were fond of their relationship, you even knew they had a ship name, Eunhae, but you never thought you would pay it much attention. You trusted Donghae completely, after all, and even beyond that, you just weren’t a jealous person in general. In fact, you hated clinginess. But here you were, desperately trying to hide the fact that you turned green with envy whenever you saw Hyukjae with Donghae. You couldn’t place your finger on why.

Maybe it was just everything about Hyukjae’s relationship with Donghae made you draw unintentional comparisons with your relationship with him, and with every comparison yours seemed to be inferior. Hyukjae had known Donghae far, far longer than you had, which meant, at least in your mind, that he knew him much better. They had been best friends since practically adolescence, after all. How could you compete with that, with your measly three years of knowing your boyfriend? And it was always Hyukjae who made Donghae laugh, Hyukjae who Donghae had a visible soft spot for, Hyukjae who Donghae was clearly partial to. Meanwhile, it was always Donghae who made you laugh – your sense of humor just couldn’t seem to keep up with his. Not to mention, both Donghae and Hyukjae were absolutely gorgeous. You weren’t so bad yourself, but compared to them, you felt plain and unremarkable.

It was Hyukjae who had this undeniable, flawless chemistry, this sense of balance in every aspect, with Donghae, a kind that you just couldn’t seem to achieve. A kind that, you knew, you’d make a fool of yourself just trying to achieve.

And you didn’t mean to, but sometimes you’d catch yourself being snappish around Hyukjae. He was charming and nice and had never been unkind to you a day in his life, but you found yourself being curt, borderline rude, towards him. It was the only issue that had ever caused a significant rift between you and Donghae. The one thing that he raised his voice to you over.

Of course, you apologized because it was you who was in the wrong, and Donghae accepted your apology like he always did. But still, you never forgot that the one thing that made him truly shout at you was your unpleasantness towards his best friend. Out of all the things, that was what ticked him off the most? Combined with your insecurity regarding Donghae and Hyukjae’s relationship, you felt even more distressed.

Regardless, you kept your mouth shut about the issue. It had to be just you being illogically jealous, and there was no need to drag other people into that personal problem. Besides, if you spoke up about it you were pretty sure no one would take it seriously. Hell, even you couldn’t take it seriously most of the time. Why would you be jealous? There was no need to be – or so you kept telling yourself.

Then, late in the third year of your relationship with Donghae – almost the fourth – you realized your jealousy had been justified.

Donghae started acting differently around you, especially when he was around Hyukjae. Before, he would cling to you like a baby koala, peppering your face and neck with kisses, running his hands over your fingers, resting his chin on your shoulder. He was always absolutely overflowing with physical affection, as he considered it one of the best ways to express his feelings. But now… most of the exchanges that the two of you shared were comprised of short, quick greetings and farewells, and maybe the occasional kiss on the cheek from Donghae. When you tried to initiate anything beyond that he shied away, made excuses, apologized. He would leave early in the morning, even on days when Super Junior had no schedules, and came back late at night when you were already asleep. You barely even saw him around the shared apartment anymore, and when you did he always seemed nervous. Guilty, even. You weren’t an idiot – you didn’t need someone to spell out what was going on.

It honestly might have been better if he’d just cheated on you with a random someone, but no – like you said, your jealousy was justified. Because around Hyukjae, Donghae bloomed in a way he never did anymore when he was with you. He had practically become one with the other man, following him everywhere, smiling whenever he smiled, laughing whenever he laughed, sitting with him in corners and conversing intently with him like they were the only two people in the world. He would cling to Hyukjae, whisper playfully in his ear so the two of them would break into laughter at whatever secret joke they’d just shared. He’d complain when they had to be apart for even a second, forgetting completely about you as you walked silently next to him. When Hyukjae was there, Donghae all but ignored you. It wasn’t even like it was borne out of malice; he was simply so taken by Hyukjae’s presence that he couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to anything you.

As if the world was mocking you, as if that wasn’t enough evidence, you had opened your eyes late one night while dozing off on the couch to see Donghae coming back home after a meeting with Hyukjae, his lips swollen and his unbuttoned collar failing miserably to cover the hickeys on his neck, which most definitely weren’t from you. Anyone with half a brain would be able to figure out who exactly Donghae’s little fling was.

You were even certain that you knew the exact day that it had first started, which was an amazing testament to just how atrocious at covering themselves up Donghae and Hyukjae were. It was four months ago – a stressful day for you. You’d received a call from your older brother, Mingyu, that your father had collapsed from sudden cardiac arrest. Thrown into an absolute panic, and utterly, utterly afraid for your father’s life, you’d anxiously waited for an update on his condition, pacing the empty apartment you shared with your boyfriend for hours, breaking down and sobbing hysterically more than once or twice. Every ten minutes, you found yourself calling Donghae, who’d left about twenty minutes ago, because you were terrified. All the possibilities that might become reality were making you dizzy, sick, nauseous, and faint, and you needed him there to comfort you. You needed him to hold you to his chest and assure you that everything was going to be alright.

But he never picked up.

It was only after everything was over, four hours after you’d received the news, that your father was stable. You could have collapsed from relief right then and there.

Donghae had called you an hour after the situation was resolved, worried at the sheer volume of your calls. You’d been snappish and frazzled – rightfully so – demanding to know where he’d been for so long that he couldn’t pick up your calls. He’d apologized, telling you that he was out with his members, discussing the direction of Super Junior’s next album, and he’d left his phone off. You had forced yourself to calm down and told him you got it. And when Donghae got home, he was quick to embrace you and comfort you. The last thought that flitted through your mind as he wrapped his arms around you and you forgot everything in his warmth was the curiosity of why he seemed slightly sweaty. It wasn’t a hot day.

Of course, after that he’d gotten progressively easier to see through, until you’d pieced it all together, as anyone with half a brain would be able to. For a few months after it all clicked in your head, you didn’t say anything. You weren’t really sure what to say, honestly. Your heart had been shattered to pieces – that much was undeniable, and yet this wasn’t just any normal heartbreak. You couldn’t figure out how you were supposed to react. Sometimes you cursed Donghae’s name, other times you raged on your own at Hyukjae, other times you hated yourself for maybe not being good enough that Donghae would look at other people, and still other times you found yourself hoping that he would just stop it eventually. But he didn’t.

That particular day, you had shown up at Super Junior’s music video set, having bought some food for all of them. The boys all expressed their gratitude enthusiastically; Leeteuk called you their savior, Heechul gave you a dramatic hug, Kyuhyun profusely declared his thanks while practically devouring the food with his eyes, and even Eunhyuk approached to say thank you. (He had been trying to avoid you since roughly the time his relationship with Donghae started, although when you did have to interact he was nothing but pleasant, if a little distant.) You nodded stiffly, torn between glaring at him and not looking at him. Donghae gave you a hug, another peck on the cheek, and took some food to the far corner, standing with Hyukjae. You could make out the two men talking, completely absorbed in each other, while they ate. A lump grew in your throat. You were about to leave, but Heechul stopped you, invited you to eat with them as thanks. You really didn’t want to, but you also weren’t about to refuse his kindness. Even so, noticing the disappointed look in Donghae’s eyes when he heard you weren’t leaving yet was almost enough to make you break down in front of the entire group and their staff.

Somehow, you managed to weather the ordeal without letting your distress show. You said your goodbyes to the boys, and just when you were about to leave Donghae approached you, Hyukjae at his heels. The sight almost made you turn and haul ass away from the set, but you held your ground and miraculously kept your expression under control.

“Thanks again for the food,” Donghae said, smiling at you. He looked like he was excited but trying not to let it show. You knew why.

“Yeah.” Your voice was toneless. “I’ll see you at home.”

“Bye.” This time it was Hyukjae from behind your boyfriend. Or, you supposed bitterly, his boyfriend. There was such potent guilt in his voice that you wanted to slap him. If he was going to feel so bad about cheating with Donghae, he could at least have the indecency to be shameless about it. But no – he was doing it when he knew full well how wrong it was, and felt sorry because of it. Somehow, that made you angrier than the alternative.

You nodded once. Not wishing to hear anything more from them, you quickly left the set, your jaw clenched.

When you got home, you laid down and cried. There was nothing you could do except cry, thinking of all the times that you and Donghae had spent together, completely absorbed in and enamored with no one else but each other. You should have known better than to trust anyone, least of all him. You had given him everything, you had made him your entire world, you had left your home country and surrendered your independence, which you cherished so much, for him. You had given him your first time, going against your previously firm conviction that physical relations were for after marriage, believing in your heart that he wouldn’t betray you and disappoint you. And now everything – everything – was ruined. He’d taken all that you’d offered freely to him and then flung it callously to the wolves. And Hyukjae – he had taken Donghae, knowing how hopelessly in love with him you were. And what was more, he had the audacity to feel bad about what he did. If he was going to take Donghae from you he might as well do it like he meant it. But no – he had to be sorry for what he did. You hated them both – for doing this to you, for going behind your back like this, for letting whatever was between them go this far when you were in the picture, and most of all, for not being fucking honest. If they decided they were going to fuck then they could at least have had some goddamned human decency and told you about it so you didn’t have to find yourself involved in their bullshit.

You must have spent hours crying like that, curled up on your bed with your face buried in your pillow. No, this was your fault. It was you who had never done anything to deserve someone as amazing as Donghae. If only you’d been a better girlfriend. If only you weren’t so clingy. If only you weren’t so insensitive. If only you were prettier. If only you were more charming. If only you were more remarkable, Donghae wouldn’t have cheated on you. But you weren’t – you were just you. I’m plain, I’m boring, I’m dull, I’m just not worth it. Who cared if they hurt your feelings? Hell, who cared about your feelings? You should have been better. Swamped by similar negative thoughts, you began crying harder, just when you thought you were beginning to calm down.

When you finally raised your head from the pillow, your eyes blurry and raw and your throat hoarse, you saw that it was almost dinnertime. You weren’t hungry. You didn’t think food could ever be appetizing again.

Numb and weak, you sat up in bed. Your heart still felt like it was splintering in your chest, and the anguish of Donghae’s actions were as stark and potent as ever. You still wanted to cry, you still wanted to sob your heart out like you’d been doing for the past few hours, but your body wouldn’t produce any more tears.

Who cares about me? I’ve never deserved Donghae. Of course he’s tired of me and together with Hyukjae now. He should have someone better than me, anyway. Someone who isn’t as selfish. Someone who’s more fun. Someone who matches him. I’m not that person. It’s my fault. It’s all my fault.

Except. You sighed heavily, reaching up and rubbing your swollen, tear-streaked eyes. Except you knew that wasn’t true. You weren’t about to let such stupid negative thoughts get to you. It was never a woman’s fault that her boyfriend cheated on her. It was all on him. You knew that – you’d known it since you were young. It wasn’t your fault, none of this was. It was solely, completely, Donghae and Hyukjae’s for fooling you the way they had.

Or trying to, you thought bitterly. They were awful, awful liars. The worst you’d seen in your life, probably.  

Whatever else was true, it was clear that you weren’t going to let Donghae slide tonight. You were still helplessly in love with him – of course you were, otherwise this wouldn’t hurt as much – but even your feelings seemed like a child’s joke now. You’d given your heart to him willingly and he’d just spat back in your face. And you were angry.

It took another four hours for Donghae to get back. You sat on the couch the entire time with your elbows on the table in front of you, staring at the wall ahead and playing the words you wanted to say to him in your head. But when you heard the apartment code being put in, all your plans flew out the window. Nothing calculated was going to work here. You were just going to be upfront and say what came to mind, you decided, as you sat up and watched the door.

It swung open, revealing your cheating boyfriend, whose eyes immediately met yours. He froze slightly, probably not expecting you to be awake at this time. Usually you were in bed and dead to the world by now.

For your part, you had to fight back a scoff to see that Donghae’s hair was mussed and his lips were swollen. Once again, his collar was unbuttoned, barely halfway closed. Oh, he and Hyukjae had fucked recently? Right before Donghae was about to go home? For the love of fucking God, they were terrible at having a relationship in secret.

“What’s the matter?” The voice spoke from behind Donghae, and you very much recognized it; even before Donghae’s eyes widened, you knew who it was. This time, you had to bite the inside of your cheek to keep yourself from bursting into laughter. What the fuck was this? He’d even brought Hyukjae all the way to your shared apartment now? Just how incompetent of a cheater could Donghae be?

“I – I brought Hyukjae over, Y/N,” Donghae stammered. “We need… we’re going to talk about the… a scene in the MV.”

You stared at him, silent with disbelief at the flimsiness of his excuse. Not to mention, even a toddler would be able to tell that he was lying.

Looking slightly frazzled at the unexpected fact that you weren’t asleep yet, Hyukjae came into your line of sight behind Donghae. “Hey, Y/N,” he greeted. It would have been casual if not for the nervous tremble in his voice. “Sorry – this idiot told me you’d be asleep by now.” His eyes flickered uneasily to Donghae before focusing on you again. For his part, your boyfriend looked like he was trying to gather his composure.

“Should I go?” Hyukjae asked. “We can talk about the scene another time, Donghae.”

“Yeah, that would probably––”

“No,” you interrupted, lacing your fingers together in front of you on the stand. Both men’s gazes snapped to you – they were being so visibly jumpy that it was painful to watch. “I’m actually glad you’re here, Hyukjae. Come in.”

A little uncertain, they did as you said. No sooner had they taken off their shoes and come half a meter into the apartment did you speak, too disgusted at the sight of them to hold your tongue any longer.

“I heard you two are together.”

Donghae and Hyukjae froze. Their eyes widened, almost in unison. Even that was an infuriating sight, seeing evidence that apparently they were just so in sync that they did everything simultaneously, unintentional or not. Maybe this was what people called soulmates. It made you want to pick up the stand and hurl it at their faces.

They tried their excuses at the same time, stumbling over their words, even though they really needn’t have bothered; both of them had gone so pale that any further confirmation would be pointless.

Donghae stammered. “Wh-what are you––”

Hyukjae avoided your eyes like he’d get the Black Death if he met them. “Who said something like––”

“It’s up to your answer.” You were in no mood to listen to their pathetic attempts at feinting their way around you. “You can be honest – or you can lie to me. If you’re honest––” your voice strained as you went on from the effort of trying to choke back the ugly, venomous bitterness that was overflowing up from the very bottom of your heart, “––I’ll resent you both for the rest of my life.”

They were silent – the kind of cowed silence that was usually seen on irresponsible children being scolded by their parents.

“But if you lie,” you continued steadily, only the faintest tremble of your voice giving away any hint of your fury, “I’ll never forgive you.” If they lied to you, that would be the worst betrayal. The two of them – your precious boyfriend, whom you were hopelessly in love with, and his dear best friend, who’d always been so friendly and welcoming to you – had disregarded you, trampled over your feelings, humiliated you, deceived you, for long enough. Enough for an entire lifetime. The least, the very fucking minimum, that they could do now, was not lie.

“You decide what’s better for you two. That’s all you’ve been doing when it comes to me, anyway.” Making decisions for yourselves, for the sake of this relationship between you two, not bothering to think about me. Not bothering to even be honest. Your words hung in the air, unchallenged, undisputed, as the two of them stared hard down at the ground. They seemed unable to even turn their faces in your direction.

“I heard it started that day four months ago,” you said when they refused to speak, with calmness that was eerie to even yourself. Donghae and Hyukjae looked at you, their eyes wide with shock. You just wanted to laugh; there was, quite literally, nothing for them to be shocked about, not with their lying capabilities. Your voice shuddered with disgust as you went on. “The day I was alone in the apartment crying over what would happen to my father. The day you lied that you were with your members!” The last sentence ended as a scream. “I called you, Donghae, so many times because I was so scared, and you two were off fucking each other?” There was a scoff in your tone. You realized that your eyes had teared up, and that you were smiling – smiling at the utter hopelessness of the situation that had started four months ago. Smiling at the utter wreck that had become of your relationship with the man you’d been willing to give your everything for.

Donghae and Hyukjae looked away. They were looking at anything but you – at the wall, at the floor, at their feet, at the windows – anywhere but at you. You faintly wondered what exactly it was they saw when they did look in your direction.

It was like they’d gone temporarily mute. Donghae opened his mouth, still avoiding your gaze, and then closed it again. Hyukjae’s lower lip trembled, like he was about to start crying. If he did, you might just shove him – them both, in fact – off the balcony with your own two hands.

“Who told you this?” Donghae said finally, though it was so quiet that it might as well have been a whimper. Anyone could tell he really wasn’t curious. It was just an attempt to forget his guilt, to block out the accusation in your stare and the venom you were practically spitting at him and Hyukjae. You weren’t having it. He deserved every bit of that venom and then so much more.

“Answer.” Your voice was a whisper. “Am I right?”

They didn’t. They were frozen, staring at you with crippling guilt in their eyes.

“Am I?!” you shrieked.

Donghae shuddered. Took a breath. You could see the rise and fall of his shoulders as he sucked in the oxygen. His answer was practically just an exhale – short, strained, stricken, choked.

“Yes.”

Behind him, Hyukjae sagged.

For a long second, you just stared at them both, and they stared back, fear stark in their eyes. You took in the sight before you – your boyfriend and his best friend, who had fucked behind your back four months prior and had continued fucking behind your back since. Your boyfriend and his best friend, who had made the touching decision that they were going to get together and it didn’t matter that you were still involved with Donghae. Your boyfriend and his best friend, two pathetic cowards who didn’t even have the courage to let an uninvolved bystander extricate herself from their business. The fans had always thought they’d suited each other, you’d always thought they’d suited each other – and that was right. They did suit each other – very, very well.

You laughed. At first it was just two quiet, breathless heaves, escaping you as you looked away from them. A tear slipped down your cheek. You brought your folded hands in front of your face, your head slumping against them as you stared despondently at the table. Then the laughter came harder, evolving into quiet chuckling, and you hid your face in your hands as your shoulders shook with each tired chortle that slipped from your mouth.

It took you a few seconds to regain your composure. You raised your head and rubbed your hands together to dispel the wetness from your tears before you let them fall back on the table in front of you, facing Donghae and Hyukjae once again with a small, bitter smile. It wasn’t fake at all.

Sucking in a ragged breath, you studied the men in front of with perverse fascination, intrigued despite how viscerally repulsive you found the sight of them. “Just what the hell are you two?” you choked out disbelievingly, unable to keep the scorn from your tone.

“I’m so sorry,” Donghae whispered. You were silent. It was impossible to express in words how meaningless his apology was. Next to Donghae, Hyukjae’s head hung. You noticed that his fingers were entwined with your boyfriend’s, the two of them instinctively holding hands for comfort against the force of your rage.

“It must have been such a beautiful moment for the two of you,” you said quietly. You could practically picture it. One of them confessing, the other accepting it, both of them deciding that they were together now and declaring their love for each other. How sweet.

They both flinched.

“So? How did it go?” The smile you gave them was weak and mirthless. “Did Donghae confess first? Hyukjae? Did you hold hands and cry with joy that you both returned each other’s feelings?”

It was only then that Hyukjae finally seemed to regain his voice. The words came out feeble and shriveled, but they came out nonetheless. “It was me. I confessed first. It was backstage of a concert, right before we performed… the one we had the day before your father collapsed. I told him…” He trembled, his voice cracking for a second. “I told him I’d loved him since we first met.”

You stared wordlessly at the table.

“Then I knew,” Donghae burst out, like he’d been burning to say this forever but had kept hesitating until now. It must be satisfying for him, you thought. Finally being forthright with you after four months of lying. “I knew that I – I loved him too. It was like all my feelings came crashing down on me.”

So then, the next day, you left me in the apartment and was off fucking him when my father collapsed. Bitterly, wearily, you put it all together in your head. That’s what happened.

“Please… Please believe me, Y/N,” Donghae’s voice shook. “I did love you. I really did. You were everything I thought about when I thought about happiness. But then Hyukjae confessed to me, and I realized… it won’t work out between us. We aren’t meant to be.”

“I’m sorry.” Hyukjae sounded near tears. “This is my fault, Y/N. I shouldn’t have told him how I felt, but I couldn’t help it. Please… hate me. Don’t hate him. It’s me that got between the two of you.”

Your teeth clenched as white-hot heat flared up inside you. Really? That’s what they were apologizing about? No. No, they were talking like they’d wronged you, yes, but they just couldn’t help it because they were just so in love. And maybe that was true. And it hurt that you and Donghae’s relationship had crumbled so laughably – but that wasn’t why you were so revolted by them. It was because there was something they should be infinitely sorrier about.

“Who said anything about me and him?” you hissed, glaring at Donghae. He looked shocked at your callous words. It made you angrier. “You fucking idiots. You disgusting, pathetic, cowards – do you really think the problem is that you two are together?” You stood, knocking the stand in front of you over with the force of the movement. “No. You two are sobbing about how sorry you are for ruining my relationship – how about being sorry for, I don’t know, not telling me earlier? All you had to do – really, all you had to do was come to me four months ago and say, ‘I’m sorry Y/N, but we’re together now. There’s no place for you here anymore.’ That was it.” You wanted to smash a bowl against their faces and hear, feel, the glass shattering at the force of its impact with their skulls underneath the skin.

“You couldn’t do that? You couldn’t extend me that basic courtesy? You couldn’t just say it to my face so I could get out of your business? So I wouldn’t have to spend four fucking months wallowing because of your bullshit?!”

“I…” Donghae looked stricken at your words, like he’d never even considered that the worst thing he and Hyukjae had done to you was simply not having the very rudimental decency to tell you upfront. “I didn’t want to hurt you. But it looks like I – I hurt you anyway. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

You laughed again. It was still a short spurt, but this time, it came out shrill and incredulous, even as your body felt like sagging from weariness at just how ridiculous this was. Had you just heard him right? He didn’t want to hurt you? What a joke.

“No, this is because of me.” This time it was Hyukjae who spoke. “You can… you can hate me, Y/N. Shout at me, hit me, slander me. Tell the public that I’m a lying scumbag, if you want. Just… just leave Donghae out of it. Please.”

“No,” Donghae cut in, shaking his head desperately. “Don’t hurt Hyukjae, Y/N. This is all my fault. I should have stopped myself from doing this to you. You can do anything you want to me, so please… please don’t touch him.”

You clenched your fists, their pleas for you to leave the other alone filling you with ugly resentment. They really were so in love – even your eyes, you who didn’t want to see it, could pick it up easily. For a moment, you were tempted. You thought of all the things you could do to both of them. Screaming at them, punching them, kicking them – that was the least of it. If you wanted you could even spread information that might leave an inerasable stain on their images. You could ruin their careers if you got lucky, leave them humiliated and waist-high in scandal and unable to appear in public again.

But…

You weren’t going to do it.

You were smart enough to know that it would bring you no kind of satisfaction. You didn’t think anything you did to the two men in front of you would satisfy you. Even if they got on their knees in front of you and begged you to forgive them, even if Donghae ended it with Hyukjae to have you back, even if you somehow got some sort of sick revenge on the both of them, you wouldn’t feel better. You’d never feel better again. Exhaustion washed over you.

“Just leave me alone while I pack my things,” you said tiredly. “That’s the only thing you two can do for me.”

“P-pack your things?” Donghae stared at you. “Y/N, are you…?”

“I’m leaving.” There was no point in you being here any longer. You were returning to your home country, to the family you’d left behind, putting this rotten mess in the past for good. You would have laughed if you had the energy. You recalled arriving at this apartment three years ago, Donghae’s hand in yours as he smiled at you, your chest filled to the brim with anticipation and hope for the future. You thought you had countless long years with him by your side stretching ahead of you. You’d been so sure that he was the one; you’d been so sure that there was no one who could ever be better to you. And now here you were, about to pack up and leave because he’d cheated on you, kept you in the dark for fourth months, taken the adoration and love you’d offered him and thrown it back in your face. And yet, a traitorous part of your heart hoped that he would try to stop you. To convince you to stay with him. Something to show that he still, deep down in there somewhere, in any way possible, loved you.

But he didn’t.

Of course not, you thought, even as you could feel your heart splintering to pieces in your chest. Why would he? He has Hyukjae. They’re probably rejoicing. This is probably the perfect opportunity to get rid of me without feeling bad themselves.

Wordlessly, you walked past them and to the bedroom that you and Donghae shared. Refusing to look at the bed that you two had lain in together, the framed pictures that you two had taken together, the scattered sheets of music that you two had written together, the books on the shelf that you two had read together, you packed your things. The movement were almost mechanical; your clothes, your toothbrush, your hairbrush, your makeup, your phone – the essentials. You had no desire to take anything else. You wanted to leave this chapter of your life completely behind you. You wanted to forget that Lee Donghae had ever meant anything to you. And yet, the crushing, agonizing pressure in your chest told you that that would be impossible.

You loved him. The true love that you had wanted so fiercely since you were young. As you shoved the last of your items into your suitcase, everything settled around you. This was it. You were leaving him. He’d fallen in love with somebody else. They were happy together. And you – you were doomed to spend your entire life without him – crying over him, longing for him, hating him, resenting him, and yet still so irrevocably in love with him. That was your future.

And that entire time you were miserable, he’d be happy with Hyukjae. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right. It was cruel – and yet it was your reality that you had to live the rest of your life with. You wanted to cry, but your body would produce no more tears. You were entirely drained.

“Y/N, you can’t just go charging out there,” Hyukjae said as you emerged from the bedroom, your suitcase packed. “How will you get home?” Next to his friend – his boyfriend, Donghae nodded, worry and shame in his eyes. “Hyukjae’s right. At least make plans. I’ll pay for everything.” His offer rang hollowly in your ears. It would have been preferable if both of them just ignored you.

“Don’t worry about it,” you replied flatly. “You two have ever worried about me anyway.”

That shut them up. Not sparing them another glance, you left the apartment and made your way down the hallway and down the stairs. Once outside, you called a friend.

“Hello? Y/N-eonni?” The calm voice of Pandora’s leader on the other end of the line somehow seemed to ground you.

“Taeyeon,” you greeted her.

“Are you okay?”

Well, shit. You weren’t planning on sounding so obviously despondent, but clearly your feelings were harder to hide than you thought they’d be. Your chest ached as you thought of the entire life, the entire world, that you’d just left behind. A lump formed in your throat, and you had to choke past it painfully to speak. “…No.”

You and Taeyeon weren’t exactly the closest of companions, but she did like you and you did like her, and she was the kind of person you could see yourself hitting it off with extremely well were you not headed back home. You were close enough to be called friends, even though a few years ago you never thought you’d be able to label your relationship with Pandora’s leader as anything remotely similar to that. Since you had dated Donghae for a considerable amount of time, and she was a good friend of Super Junior’s, you’d met her and gotten closer to her.

“Why’s that?” That was part of what you liked about Taeyeon. Despite her obviously being able to tell that you were down in the dumps, she didn’t treat you differently like you had become some wounded animal that needed careful handling. She sounded sympathetic, but not cautious or afraid of poking somewhere too painful.

“I broke up with Donghae.”

Without giving her the details, you explained that you’d parted with your boyfriend and needed a place to stay until you could make your plans to leave Korea. She accepted and invited you to live in her apartment for the time you needed.

You remained at Taeyeon’s place for about a week, getting everything together in preparation for your flight back home. You had no money, since you’d given up your financial independence like a goddamn fool when you’d fallen for Donghae, but Taeyeon had you covered. She insisted that you didn’t have to pay her back, but you insisted even harder, not being the type of person to like being in any kind of debt, even potential. So you two agreed that you’d pay her back within a month of your flight back home.

It was only until you were on the plane and sailing over the ocean that it all crashed down on you once again. Your head pounding and your throat tightening, you tried to muffle your intense sobbing as to not disturb the passengers near you, although the bewildered, annoyed, and worried stares that bored into your skin the entire way was more than enough to let you know that you hadn’t exactly succeeded in that regard.

When you got back home, your family gave you a warm welcome back. Having them with you again made you smile genuinely, but the pain was far worse than any joy you could feel.

You got a place back at your old job and threw yourself into work. It did feel good to be in control of your own income again, even if you had to start from the bottom after three years of absence, but that satisfaction was completely engulfed by how heartsick you felt. When you had time you found yourself staring listlessly at the ceiling or the wall, sometimes bursting into tears as you curled up in your bed or on the sofa, your chest feeling like it was going to split right down the middle one day soon. You couldn’t stop thinking of Donghae constantly – in fact, he was probably the one topic that occupied your mind the most. How was he? Did he miss you, like you missed him? No – of course he didn’t. He had Hyukjae, and evidently Hyukjae had mattered more to him than you ever had. Did he even bother to think of you, even occasionally? Even just once since you’d left?

You couldn’t even find any respite in your dreams. You’d often struggle your way to consciousness before the sun was up, your eyes wet with tears and the blunt, crushing pain in your chest pressing down on you, making it hard to breathe. You’d have dreams about the days that you and Donghae had spent together when the two of you were each other’s world, dreams of him lifting you in his arms and spinning you around, dreams of him embracing you and holding you to his chest, dreams of him kissing you. You’d even have dreams as mundane as walking through a bustling street with his hand in yours, your steps perfectly synchronized. Sometimes, if the universe was feeling particularly cruel, you’d have dreams of him and Hyukjae, happily, contentedly, in love.

And you tried. You really tried to smile through it all, but deep down inside, you could feel the sense of desperation choking you. This was how you would live from now on, for the rest of your life. Longing for a man who’d discarded you like trash. You’d spend your days wallowing in your misery, unable to forget Lee Donghae.

Sitting on the couch of your apartment, you found the tears overwhelming you again. You tried to swallow them, to push them back, to bury them and tell yourself that crying was no use, that you were fine, that you’d be fine – but it was all pointless. A tear slipped down your cheek, and your fragile defenses completely broke. You sobbed, burying your fingers in your hair as your cries shook your entire body, drowning out all other thoughts. This was it. This was the life you’d have to live. In constant pain, crying your soul out for a man who’d betrayed you and found happiness with someone else after it. He might have cheated on you, but you’d truly loved him. You’d truly loved him, and true love didn’t go away. It never faded, it never got better, no matter how much time passed.

You were doomed to this until you died.

But then something changed. You couldn’t put your finger on it, but you could tell something was different. Your thoughts were still constantly occupied with Donghae, but there was a little bit less agony that seized your body when you thought of him, a little less resentment and a little less bitterness. He still made you cry, and you still hated how he was undoubtedly happy without you, but the pain and betrayal you felt towards him – towards both him and Hyukjae – was just slightly less. You brushed it off, because surely, you thought – surely, it’d come back soon, stronger than ever.

But it didn’t.

It only got lesser and lesser as time passed. That lump of ferocious, acrid emotion that had lodged itself in your chest since you’d found out about Donghae’s infidelity and had only been growing for all those months began to shrivel inside you. At first it was just subtle things; your tears took a little less time to come when you thought about him, or there’d be tiny little increments of the day when you forgot he’d ever been anything more than just a celebrity to you. The changes were so small that you didn’t even notice them.

But then kept getting more and more drastic. Once, you came across a Super Junior D&E video on your YouTube recommended, and the thumbnail was Donghae and Eunhyuk. As your gaze settled on them and recognition flared inside you, you braced yourself for the rush of anger and sadness that was sure to come. But it never did. Another time, you found yourself mindlessly thinking back to the time you’d broken up with Donghae, when you’d confronted him and Hyukjae about their relationship. It took you a good few minutes to realize that you could hardly feel anything in you when you pictured that day again. You should be feeling all kinds of negative emotions, you should be starting to tear up again, but you weren’t. Your dreams dwindled, too. You slept better, fuller, longer, and no longer woke up feeling like you were about to start crying. You woke up feeling rested and content and ready for the day ahead of you.

Often, you had to consciously remind yourself to think about Donghae. You had to remind yourself to feel sadness when he came up in your mind. The love of your life, the man who gave everything you offered him and spat it back in your face, you reminded yourself, and yet the overflowing misery and resentment and pain you thought you’d feel forever when you thought of him just wouldn’t well up inside of you. That’s when you began to wonder. It crept into your mind, gradually, surreptitiously, like some snake sneaking up on a mouse.

What if I didn’t…

No. No, you told yourself.

So you actively began clinging to misery, to resentment. I’m sad and I’m angry at what Donghae and Hyukjae did to me, you told yourself. I am. I have to be. You deliberately thought about the two men, you deliberately made yourself relive what they’d put you through, in an attempt to make that same awful pain of betrayal and heartbreak stick with you. You tried to tell yourself that you loved Donghae, that you truly loved him, and that you were never getting over this. Over him. You were bitter, you were angry, you were heartbroken. You were.

The alternative was… too sad.

But by the sixth month of your parting with Donghae, you couldn’t try any longer.

You sat on your couch, on the same spot that you’d spent so many hours curled up and crying thinking about him. You weren’t crying now, you weren’t even close to crying now, but there was a certain heaviness to your heart.

In one last-ditch attempt, you took yourself back in time. “Yes,” Donghae said, in response to your question. Yes, he and Hyukjae were together. Yes, he and Hyukjae were in love. Yes, he no longer loved you. Yes, this was the man you’d given up your entire world for, telling you to your face – yes, he had betrayed everything you freely offered to him: your trust, your belief, your love, your heart––

Cry, you told yourself. Cry, Y/N.

But you didn’t. You couldn’t.

Resigned to your reality, you stared at the stand in front of your couch. I’m sorry, Donghae, you thought. This was the undeniable truth, the ridiculous, dejecting outcome of it all. You thought of how Donghae had betrayed you, you thought of how Donghae had lied to you, you thought of how Donghae had tossed you aside for someone else, you thought about how Donghae was happy with Hyukjae. And you just…

You didn’t care.

You’d tried, but it was impossible. You couldn’t make yourself care.

There was nothing for you to do but accept the truth you’d come to realize about yourself. You’d gotten bored of being heartbroken over Donghae. You’d gotten bored of Donghae.

For months you’d tried to deny it – you’d tried to deny what was only becoming clearer to you. You were recovering from what he’d done to you, you were getting over him – forgetting him. The thought of him did nothing to you anymore.

You’d thought – no, you’d sincerely believed – that you loved him. That it was your true love that you’d felt towards him, whatever it had been that he felt towards you. That true love that a person never recovered from, that true love that never died down no matter how many long, trying years passed.

But it had. It had died down. Whatever you’d felt for Donghae, it was gone. And it hadn’t even taken years. It hadn’t even taken a single year.

Did I even really love you?

Silent, you folded your hands on your lap. Your apartment seemed to have wilted with your admittance of the truth.

No. You hadn’t.

You once thought there was nothing that could be sadder than what happened to you six months ago. Nothing could be sadder than parting from the love of your life in the way you had. But you knew better now. This was it. There was nothing that could possibly be sadder than this.

You’d believed, without a shadow of a doubt, that you loved Donghae. You’d definitely loved him so much, so fervently, so fiercely, that you were willing to give him your world, you were willing to give him your everything. You called him your everything – your sky, your stars, your sun, your moon, your blood, and your oxygen. But in the end, it was nothing but the passing of time that saw it all crumbling to pieces. You no longer cared about Donghae, you no longer cared about what he and Hyukjae had done to you – simply because you’d gotten bored of caring. This was the man you thought you could have died for, and in the end, you walked away because you were bored of him.

There was nothing else to it. It wasn’t because of some self-enlightened realization that you were better off without him, it wasn’t because you’d found someone else who was so much better than he was, it wasn’t because you’d decided that he wasn’t worth your sadness after he’d cheated on you, it wasn’t because of some life-changing epiphany that you’d experienced. No, it was solely, completely, and only because you were bored of him. It was just that easy for Donghae to lose all meaning to you.

That was sadder than anything else in the world.

You opened the gallery on your phone. It was still full of pictures that you and Donghae had taken together. Numbly, almost mechanically, you went through and deleted every single one until just one more remained. At it, you paused. It was a selfie that you and him had taken together within the first year of your relationship. You studied Donghae’s handsome face, tracing your eyes over every contour of his skin – but nothing stirred inside you. You remembered how you felt taking this photo. You had been on cloud nine, giddy and ecstatic that you were dating Lee Donghae, and completely convinced that you were in love with him, totally and undeniably.

And yet, here you were, faced with the undeniable reality that all it had taken was time for him to become nothing to you. You hadn’t even had to try.

“I’m sorry, Donghae,” you said quietly. And you were. Sorry that you and he had wasted three years of your lives, mistaking whatever you’d felt towards each other as love. Sorry that you and he had ever bothered with each other when the both of you could have spent that time doing something so much more meaningful. Sorry that those three years that the two of you had spent together now meant nothing to anyone – not to him, and not to you.

“We were a pretty good couple,” you told the photo, toneless. Apathetic. “That’s reason enough.”

It would have to be reason enough; otherwise, the three years you and Donghae had been together would really and truly be meaningless.

The words hung in the air, tragic and dull but undeniably true. It was sad. You thought you’d loved him with every ounce, every atom, of your entire being, so much that you felt like you would burn up with the force of it, but in the end, all you could sincerely say was that the two of you had been pretty alright. That was all the two of you together and all the times you’d spent by each other’s sides amounted to. Pretty alright.

You deleted the photo.

~

“And you, Y/N, and your team are assigned to Super Junior.”

Well, fuck.

Four years after you returned to your country, your company had risen and grown until it encompassed a significant portion of the world’s fashion business – and you had risen and grown right alongside it. You were the leader of a team of stylists and designers whose entire focus was to delve into and become involved with the kpop industry. You weren’t exactly famous, but you’d become quite well-known around your area of business in your own right, which was a weird thought that you tried your best not to dwell on.

And now your team was assigned to work with Super Junior. You weren’t against it – you recognized what a big opportunity this was for you, your team, and your company, and you knew how to remain professional. But the odds of the situation were certainly worth a little amusement.

“Are you sure you’ll be alright?” Mingyu, your older brother, asked you when he heard the news. “I don’t know how that bastard hurt you, but you were a wreck after you came back, Y/N.”

“Stop it,” you chided, hitting him lightly on the head. “Don’t call Donghae that. You shouldn’t be holding grudges when even I already forgot what happened between us. I’ll be fine.”

A few weeks later, you walked into the meeting room with your team behind you to be introduced to Super Junior. Rin looked calm and collected as she always was, her black hair tied neatly behind her and her gaze steady. Joohyun had been alternating between nervous silence and nervous jitters, but she seemed to have gotten a grip of herself, her head held high and her eyes sharp. Sejin was taking a deep breath, but otherwise, she was composed. Kaito looked faintly terrified – he was the youngest, newest, and least experienced on the team, after all – but otherwise, he looked like he knew what he was doing.

“I’m L/N Y/N,” you greeted Super Junior, ignoring the recognition and then the shock on their faces as you bowed deeply. “I hope we’ll get along well. Please don’t hesitate to approach me or anyone in my team if you think there’s something about your styling and outfits that could be better.” As you talked, your gaze swept each one of them, seeing pretty much the same expressions of complete surprise – at least until you came to Donghae and Hyukjae, sitting next to each other at the meeting table.

They were absolutely paralyzed. There was no other way to describe it – it was like they’d been told the entire reality they lived in was a fabrication or something. You couldn’t really fault them for their reaction, but for everyone’s sake you hoped they got it together fast. There was a time and place for that shock, and now was not it.

Irritation flickered in you as you realized you’d probably have to speak to them separately if you wanted to avoid any unnecessary tension that would interfere with business. Keeping your face neutral, you let the other members of your team introduce themselves.

After introductions were finished, you and your team spent an hour discussing things with Super Junior. As you’d expected, they were all experienced enough to know not to bring up the many questions they undoubtedly had about your new position working with them, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t clearly see their curiosity.

Following the meeting, you decided that the sooner, the better.

“You guys go on ahead,” you told your team, “I have something to discuss with these gentlemen.”

Once you and Super Junior were alone, absolute awkwardness settled over all of the people in the room. You wondered if it was their first time being faced with one of their members’ exes. Finally, tired of the stuffy silence and annoyed with their apparent inability to say anything, you spoke first.

“I know this isn’t what any of us expected, but I’m sure all of you are aware that we’re here for business. It’ll be hard to stay professional if you guys keep remembering that I’m the ex of one of the members here––” You could have sworn Donghae and Hyukjae both flinched a little, and wondered if they’d told the others what exactly had happened four years ago, why you’d left so suddenly. “––so don’t think about that. You’re all my clients, nothing more. Let’s all get along and do our best. Okay?”

They all agreed, almost a little too eagerly. Looks like they’d been worried about how they were going to manage this situation. You were a little concerned, too, and you knew it’d be an experience, but you were confident that it wasn’t going to affect your professional performance. Whatever had happened between you and the members – especially a certain two – ended four years ago. It already felt like another lifetime. You were so different back then, naïve and full of ridiculous, idealistic dreams. You knew better now.

About a month later, Super Junior was preparing for their comeback, and it was the day of their costume fitting. Each team member had been assigned a certain few members to design clothes for and style, and it was just your luck that you got Donghae and Eunhyuk. You’d groaned a little when you saw that you got them, but there was nothing to be done about it, and you supposed it would give you an opportunity to talk with them. All the other members had become more natural around you except for those two, and you were pretty sure that the rest of Super Junior, as well as your team members, had noticed something was amiss. Not good.

You arrived at the SM building, the clothes you’d hand-designed for them and three cups of coffee at the ready. You remembered what flavors both of them liked, and hoped that they hadn’t changed.

When Donghae and Eunhyuk saw you waiting for them, they went the smallest bit pale. You waved them over, too impatient to let them gather themselves.

“Here,” you said briskly as you put each respective coffee in front of them on the table. “I hope you both still like the same flavors that you did four years ago.”

Donghae’s eyes flicked from the coffee, to Hyukjae, to you. “Y-yeah. We still do.” He sounded like a little kid, uncertain and shy, not knowing what to do. His boyfriend – were they still together? – didn’t seem to be faring much better.

“You two need to relax,” you scolded, but you knew just the words weren’t going to do much. If you wanted them to feel comfortable around you – and you did, an appropriately comfortable relationship was important for good professional partnerships – you’d have to ease them into it. Talk to them. You weren’t going to get rid of the tension between the three of you any other way.

“How are you guys?” you asked. “Are you still together?”

Both men looked up at you, wariness in their eyes. You wanted to sigh, but instead you took a sip of your coffee before looking at them again. “It’s not a trick question, you know. I’m curious.” And you kind of were; the sort of fairly apathetic curiosity that motivated you to ask, but most of the time it wasn’t something that you really gave any thought to.

“We are.” Hyukjae’s reply was cautious. There was a hint of shame in his voice that you thought was unnecessary.

“That’s good,” you said, genuinely. They, at the very least, seemed to have really, sincerely, loved each other, if your memory served you right – which was more than what could be said about you and Donghae. It would be sad to hear that a couple that cared so much about each other ended up breaking up eventually, too.

Both of them flinched again, as if they’d somehow wronged you by staying together. You rolled your eyes.

“You don’t need to feel sorry,” you told them, ignoring the surprise on their faces that their feelings had been picked up. You had been in your business long enough to be pretty good at reading people.

“How can we not be?” Hyukjae asked softly. “You probably still hate us. It feels wrong to flaunt it in front of you.”

Pursing your lips in surprise at his belief that you still hated them, you eyed the two of them with mild amusement. “Don’t worry about that.”

Confusion filled Hyukjae’s eyes. “But… don’t you hate that we’re together? Don’t you hate us? After what…” he faltered, hesitant to bring the past up. “… after what we did to you?”

You glanced down at your coffee briefly, wondering how to articulate how exactly you felt about Donghae and Hyukjae being a thing and how exactly you felt about Donghae and Hyukjae. Mild congratulations for their relationship and mild fondness for them, maybe, but other than that, nothing.

“No, I don’t really have any thoughts about it,” you replied truthfully, looking back up at them. It had been over three years, nearly four, since you’d cared about or given much consideration to Donghae and Hyukjae. You knew they were together, but it was never something that had held your consideration for more than a few seconds. In fact, you hadn’t given it enough thought to even realize before now that it wasn’t something you particularly cared about.

“How have you been, Y/N?” This time it was Donghae – the first time he’d asked you a question. He looked somewhat afraid to hear your answer, like you were going to tell him something harsh. Well, you thought idly, Donghae always did worry a lot.

“I’ve been fine, I guess,” you said. “Actually, I’ve been good.” And you had. You’d changed a lot in the four years it had been since you saw Donghae and Hyukjae, but it was all for the better. You were more self-assured, more level-headed, more willing to take the initiative, and you’d abandoned your fanciful notions of romance and love. For that last part, you had the two men sitting in front of you to thank.

“That’s… that’s good.” He seemed to be grappling with something before he added uncertainly, “But it’s not exactly what I meant.”

Taking another sip of your coffee, you raised your eyebrow at him.

Seeing your beckoning look, he continued. “I might be overstepping my boundaries, but… after you left. What did you do?” Next to Donghae, Hyukjae was watching you with a twin expression of guilty curiosity as his boyfriend.

“Well, I went back home and got a place at my old job,” you began. Donghae had worded his question like he would be satisfied with just that answer – after all, that was pretty much the only significant thing you’d done when you arrived back home after breaking up with him – but you could tell that he was asking about more than that. Not just what you’d done after you got back home, but how you’d felt. You wondered briefly if it should make you angry that he and Hyukjae wanted to know how you’d felt – after all, they were the reason you’d been so miserable and had spent so much of your time just crying during the first few months of your arrival in your home country. But you weren’t angry at them. There wasn’t much that you felt towards the two men sitting across from you, except maybe still apologetic towards Donghae.

Speaking of which…

“Oh, there’s something I need to apologize to you for, Donghae.”

The two of them stared at you; you could practically see the question in their eyes. Something that you need to apologize to Donghae for?

But you did need to apologize to him for this. It was something you felt sincerely sorry about.

“When I first got back home,” you said, “I was torn up. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I thought I wouldn’t be able to live the rest of my life without you.”

There was a flicker of something in Donghae’s eyes. If you put a name to it, you’d almost say it looked like hope, but what place did that have here? You must have been mistaken, even though your intuition was usually accurate. Hyukjae glanced furtively over at Donghae; you wondered if he’d seen that emotion, whatever it was, in his boyfriend’s gaze. It wasn’t really of concern, though, so you went on after another sip from your cup.

“But it didn’t take a long time until that all faded away. I was surprised, at first. I was so convinced that I’d never be able to get over you and what you did to me, but all it took was a few months before I didn’t care.” You didn’t know why you were being so candid with the two of them. You hadn’t been intending to tell them all this, but, now that you were here, you felt like you had to. You felt like it would be the last step in completely and ultimately leaving behind that chapter of your life. You had found your closure four years ago; now you needed to give Donghae and Hyukjae closure, too.

“I tried to be sad, you know,” you told them. “I tried to convince myself that I was angry, and heartbroken, and that I was never going to get over you, Donghae. But I guess I should have known better – just trying is never enough for anything, after all.”

You met their eyes, one at a time, slightly confused by what you saw there. Donghae looked a little shocked and dejected, and Hyukjae looked worried. Wondering if you were missing something, you went silent briefly, studying them. Before you could draw any conclusions, though, Donghae spoke.

“Then what happened?” he asked, his voice faint. “Why did you want to apologize to me, Y/N?”

“Nothing really happened,” you admitted. “It’s just… strange, Donghae. I was sure I loved you with all my heart. I was willing to give you my entire world – but all it took was a few months for me to become bored of missing you. To become bored of you. Accepting that I never really loved you was jarring.” Reminded of the quiet despondency that had surrounded that realization four years ago, you took one last sip of your coffee, finishing it off.

“I guess I want to say… I’m sorry that we wasted so much time on each other, Donghae. We could have both been doing more useful things while we were busy playing at being in love.” You smiled grimly at him. “I thought nothing could be more heartbreaking to me than the way we parted, but realizing that all it takes is a few months for the person I was confident that I was completely in love with to lose all meaning to me… there’s nothing more depressing than that.”

Donghae and Hyukjae were silent as you reminisced. It had been years since you thought of that despondency that had come over you when you realized you could no longer deny that what you’d felt for Donghae had never been love, but it was just as sad to feel now as it was back then.

“I… I see.” Donghae sounded strained. “It’s okay, Y/N. I was – I was happy with you for a long time.”

“If you think of it that way, I’m grateful.” You were sincerely glad that he was able to take the optimistic version of it. Standing, you gave both men a genuine smile.

“We were a pretty good couple, Donghae,” you said. “That was a good enough reason for our relationship. And I have a feeling that you two will make it through anything.”

“Thank you, Y/N,” Hyukjae murmured.

“I’m just being honest,” you assured him, satisfied that you’d been able to resolve the issue by clarifying to them that you didn’t care anymore about what had happened in the past between the three of you. “I’ll be waiting in the fitting room with your clothes. Take your time.”

As you walked off, Hyukjae put a hand on Donghae’s shoulder. “Are you… are you okay?” he asked his boyfriend worriedly.

Donghae shook his head, staring down at the table. “I’m not sure.” He really didn’t know how to feel, how to take this information. We were a pretty good couple, Donghae. For the nearly three years that he and you had spent together, thinking of each other as your entire worlds, to amount to nothing but we were a pretty good couple to you… he could tell you were being truthful, if your apathy as you talked about how you’d first felt after breaking up with him wasn’t indication enough.

Accepting that I never really loved you was jarring.

Donghae had always wondered if one day, you’d show up to get revenge for what he’d done to you. You weren’t that kind of person and he knew it, but after the way he’d hurt you, he wouldn’t have been surprised if you changed – if you’d become bitter and spiteful and wanted to see him ruined. He couldn’t have blamed you for that – for wanting to hurt him.

But this… it hurt more than anything he could have imagined. Your admission that it had taken you only months to stop caring about him – when he still wasn’t completely over you, even now. Your admission that you’d never really loved him – when, four years later, he was still in love with you and he still regretted that he couldn’t have convinced you to stay with him.

He supposed this was your revenge. The fact that it was unintentional, innocuous, that you weren’t even aware how much your words had burned, made it all the more painful.

I’m sorry we wasted so much time on each other, Donghae.

It hadn’t been that to him. He had felt blessed for being able to spend so long with you, and hoped against hope that someday that time could somehow come back. But he knew now that to you, it had just been a waste.

[miraculouscontent]

*Breaks down door screaming incoherently* PUPPETEER 2! SALT! NOW!

YES! SALT! I AM COMPELLED!

Let’s get the few positives out of the way first.

Plagg was cute, Adrien and Nino’s friendship exists without Nino bailing on obligations, Tikki actually GAVE MARINETTE REAL ADVICE for once, blah blah blah–

no one cares, you all just wanna hear me salt, so LET’S DO IT.

[DJWhyfi]

First off, neither of them paused the game when Nino went to pick up his phone and that’s the true crime here.

So… just throwing this out there, but can we not with the couple stereotype of “’weak’ male character with ‘strong’ female character who scares the tar out of the male, as if the male is constantly fearful of the female hitting/murdering them”? Like, Adrimi is different since Adrien is more blown away rather than scared of Kagami, but I’m just…

Like, yeah, I’m still peeved at Nino in “Party Crasher”, but I don’t feel like this Nino deserves the constant death glares from Alya. It’s just more contrivance for “lol stammering/nervous character keeps messing up while the other character (usually Alya) makes faces at them”.

Also, Nino and Marinette both need to take lessons for helping them cure their panic, just sayin’.

And whereas “Party Crasher” ignored the relationship between Nino and Alya almost completely, “The Puppeteer 2″ puts it at the forefront because Alya gets upset at Nino for wanting to go with Adrien to the museum, because he apparently planned to hang out with her all afternoon.

…Now, look, if this was a situation where Nino and Alya maybe didn’t spend a lot of time together, I’d at least semi-understand (though I’d also say that being disappointed would be a better reaction than anger).

But I–and really, a lot of people–have been salting all season (maybe a bit longer) about how Nino and Alya seem to spend all their time together! They spend so much time together that they continuously pawn their satanical siblings onto Marinette so that they can go on dates!

And I thought it was nice to see Nino so eager to hang out with Adrien, especially with the way he reacted almost immediately and was promptly heading for the door, but then it’s ruined by Alya standing in his way and glaring at him as if they hadn’t had a good time in weeks.

(Since I was just talking about “Party Crasher” as well, just throwing it out there that this would’ve been a better situation in which Nino could ditch Alya; it’s not a work obligation, it’s a one-time thing that Nino would have to go to at that very moment, and we see right at the start of the episode that Alya is overreacting, so we’re already not on her side. Might’ve been fun to have an “Alya VS Nino” episode where Nino keeps sending her on a wild goose chase while Alya tries to use her detective skills to find him before he reaches the museum to meet up with Adrien. This would also be a way for them to get into a real argument, with this being about how much time they’re spending together and how, even though Alya is Nino’s girlfriend, he’s still gonna rush to Adrien at first notice because he and Adrien basically never hang out while he and Alya always seem to.)

And then Alya even tries to bargain to get her (along with Marinette and Manon) to go to with Nino as well, which is short-sighted even for her.

Like, yes, of course it’d be nice if Adrien could just bring all his friends whenever he wanted, but considering how strict Gabriel and Nathalie usually are, bargaining is quite possibly one of the worst moves to make when Nathalie is already letting Adrien take one friend.

That “privilege” could just as easily be taken away if Adrien tried to bargain for more friends. Nathalie could’ve shut down Adrien immediately and insist that he won’t be taking anyone if he tries to ask for more.

By the way, completely ruined opportunity for a joke there. Nathalie was getting steadily more tired with Adrien’s pressing, but there’s no punchline.

As an audience, we know that Nathalie seems to have a soft spot for the Agrestes, but Alya and Nino don’t. Being allowed one friend is already more than Adrien usually gets, so to have Alya even try to get Nino to ask Adrien for more, thrice (once for her, another for Marinette, and one more for Manon)?

Yeah, no. Alya can set up her date with Nino at another point in time.

And while we’re on the topic of this bargaining thing, we have yet another moment where Alya pushes Marinette to do something she’s not ready for.

“Adrien invited us!” No, Alya. Adrien invited Nino.

Like, here’s just a quick list of stuff Alya has pushed Marinette to do (when Marinette wasn’t ready/willing):

The Bubbler - Alya shoves Marinette over to Adrien and Nino to force her to give him the gift, not thinking to just–y’know–give the gift to Adrien herself and say that it’s from Marinette.

Copycat - Alya tells Marinette to memorize the script she gave, then presses the “call” button before Marinette can actually do so, forcing Marinette to converse with Adrien without prepping.

Kung Food - Alya sends Adrien to help Marinette with her great uncle without any warning.

Princess Fragrance - Alya insists that Marinette give Adrien her notes even though Marinette has a sick Tikki that needs healing (which she tries to make an excuse for, but Alya cuts her off, believing that Marinette will make something up).

Despair Bear - Alya shoves Marinette out onto the dance floor, making her slam right into Adrien.

Backwarder - Alya (and the rest of the girl squad) force Marinette to show them what’s in the bag that Adrien gave her, without Marinette’s consent and despite Marinette’s clear embarrassment.

And now, we have this episode, where Alya demands that Marinette go to the museum with Adrien them and that Marinette “doesn’t have a choice”.

I have to ask… how dense is Alya? I mean, I rag on Adrien “osmium” Agreste over here, but how many times will we have to do this same song and dance before Alya realizes that forcing Marinette will only prolong her struggles?

One doesn’t even have to look far for proof either. Marinette’s decision to confess to Adrien in both “Dark Cupid” and “Backwarder” weren’t brought on by Alya at all; they were decisions that Marinette made either on her own or with an unintentional suggestion from Tikki.

And heck, another time was in “Frozer”, where it was Luka who gave Marinette the prompting to go after Adrien. That was gentle, non-invasive, and even though Marinette still failed in the end, she wasn’t a stuttering stammering mess; she kept relative cool (compared to her more frantic outbursts, at least) and simply didn’t say what she’d meant to.

But when it’s Alya? Things tend to go less than pleasant, or at least be a coin flip on how it’s gonna go.

Like, the face Marinette makes when Alya tells her about going to the museum with Adrien?

That’s fear right there. That’s terror, because Marinette knows how forceful Alya is and has no idea when Alya’s going to spring her on Adrien without another word (or at least, that would be a natural concern to have and also exactly what happens).

This is further shown during the ride to the museum, where Marinette is quick to catch onto the fact that Alya and Nino planned on ditching Marinette and Adrien without telling Marinette about it.

And, on that point–the fact that Nino knows about Marinette’s crush–I find myself truly conflicted.

On one hand, I’d always wanted “Animan” to be referenced again so Marinette would know the truth; that Alya did indeed tell Nino.

On the other though, this is hardly coming back to bite Alya. In fact, rather than feeling bad or feeling desperate on the chance that Marinette would hate her, Alya is–again–aggressive, trying to keep up the lie that she didn’t tell Nino anything at all.

It really hurts to see, especially given that “Animan” itself had Tikki scolding Marinette for what she did, but then just let Alya boast about what a good friend she was for not telling Nino anything because she “doesn’t go making decisions for other people” (a clear reference to what Marinette did in that episode). She even pinkie swore on it, yet here we are, two seasons later, where she’s still trying to keep up the lie.

Heck, there are two separate scenes in this episode where Marinette presses Alya for the truth, but Alya continues denying it. It’s like Alya is trying to keep this title of “best friend” because she knows how horrified Marinette would be she knew that Alya spilled such a personal secret to Adrien’s best friend.

Now, taken on its own, it’s not like I have a huge issue with Alya telling Nino, because it very well could’ve been an accident or just something she said without thinking about it.

But in context with all the stuff Marinette is punished for? Comparing “Stormy Weather” to “Christmaster” and now comparing “Animan” to this?

It’s just… sad. The only punishment Alya gets in this episode seems more like a consequence of leaving Manon to go play with Nino instead (and trust me, we’ll get there).

Anyway, once the five are finally in the museum, Nino had to be given Marinette-brand lessons in “how not to say words”, because he stammers and stumbles through all of Adrien’s questions. He can’t discern what Alya meant when she was talking about “Marinette taking the first step” (pretty sure that letting Marinette be the one to ask Adrien to get together is the actual first step, but okay) and also to “deny everything Adrien asks. He’s apparently so afraid of Alya (I presume) that he just stopped thinking and let his mouth run, only looking back at Alya to get cues on how he’s doing.

And it also seems out-of-character for Nino to say something so bluntly to shut down Adrien. For example, since he’s supposed to “deny everything”, he denies it when Adrien suggests that he and Alya came just to give him company. Even if it’s not technically true (on Alya’s end anyway; Nino definitely wanted to go for Adrien at first), that’s not something that Nino would just blurt out.

And to leave Adrien in the dark, thinking that Marinette hates him? Regardless of how I feel about Nino’s character at the moment, I do not believe that Nino would simply sigh and let the subject go as Adrien questions whether or not Marinette hates him.

I mean, this is the guy from “The Bubbler”; one of the few people who got akumatized for someone else’s sake. He got akumatized back then for Adrien. Literally the only reason why he doesn’t continue trying to reassure Adrien here is because the plot ”needed” Adrien to think that Marinette disliked him.

Fact is, if characters have to withhold information, stammer, and just generally waffle around their words for the sake of keeping a misunderstanding going, especially when those characters would be the type to correct that sort of mistake? That’s not an intricately-woven plot where characters came to those misunderstandings in a natural and believable way.

It’s just bad writing (especially as Alya stands completely still while waiting for Marinette to come back instead of intervening in the conversation to assure Adrien that Marinette doesn’t hate him; she was listening basically the entire time, so it’s not unreasonable).

Then, on Alya’s side of things, we get her vaguely alluding to the fact that she’ll eventually ditch Marinette so that Marinette can be alone with Adrien. It’s a warning, which is something, but it’s still too vague for Marinette to be prepared for it when it inevitably happens.

It’s also at this point where I don’t know whether to compliment the animation for its good expressions or criticize it for not delivering it where it’s supposed to. It’s as if the episode wanted Marinette to be freaking out because “comedy”, but also wanted to be more serious by showing her inner turmoil through actual sad expressions rather than overexaggerated faces.

When Marinette is slouched on the stairs, horrified that Alya is forcing her into this, it doesn’t deliver the “comedic punch” that it’s supposed to, especially when Marinette’s anxiety has been played for laughs so often that it no longer feels like a joke.

It’s not Marinette about to slip, fall, and make a fool out of herself. No, it’s Marinette about to break down.

And who can blame her? She’s been at constant odds with herself over telling Adrien how she feels, has a best friend who keeps pushing her to do better, and all attempts end in failure because the universe seems to hate her guts.

It’d be weird if she didn’t have anxiety on the matter.

And, predictably, once Alya and Nino take Manon and leave Marinette with Adrien, Marinette isn’t able to get her words out properly and just makes everything worse.

It’s almost like I know how this show works.

Marinette rushed for the door as Alya closed it behind her, but Alya just left her there. Alya doesn’t care how Marinette feels on the matter because, apparently, she knows best and believes that time alone with Adrien is all Marinette needs.

It’s not, and continuing to do this will only disillusion Marinette further, making her more panicked and anxious around Adrien. The memories of embarrassment and screw-ups just serve to make her more self-conscious about her chances, heightening her odds of failure because, hey, she messed up so many times before, what would make now any different?

Heck, Alya doesn’t even do a good job at taking Manon with her.

Remember “Stormy Weather” (which is pretty widely considered to be episode one??) where Alya bragged that she babysat her little sisters “all the time” and was “an expert”?

Well, all those times where she had Marinette watch her siblings instead has apparently left her very rusty, because she completely forgets about Manon in the middle of a game they were playing. Not even a minute passes between Alya and Nino turning their focus to the statues (they were probably two lines away from accidentally outting themselves as Rena Rouge and Carapace to Manon, I swear) to Nino playfully chasing Alya out (and there’s not even a cut to show time passing), yet Manon is left completely neglected, eventually leading to her akumatization.

This isn’t even about the fact that they left a child all by herself in a museum. Like, yeah, that’s still bad, but the important thing here is that Alya and Nino took Manon from Marinette without her permission.

In that moment, they put themselves in charge. They decided that they were going to take care of her so that Marinette could have alone time with Adrien. If they’re going to take a kid out of Marinette’s care, they can at least do a half-decent job of remembering that she exists.

Let’s pretend for a moment that Manon didn’t get akumatized. Let’s say that Alya and Nino left and Manon decided to go entertain herself instead of getting upset.

If Manon got hurt, the blame would fall on Marinette. In “Prime Queen”, when Nadja sees Manon on the video call, she immediately asks where Marinette is. It didn’t matter that Alya was there, because Marinette was in charge.

And here, even if Nino and Alya tried to take the blame for Manon getting lost/hurt, then the question falls to why Marinette wasn’t the one keeping an eye on her.

But all Nino and Alya could say was that they wanted Marinette and Adrien to have alone time together. That’s it. There would be very few excuses that would fly, and most of them wouldn’t be able to shift all the blame off of Marinette.

Whether Marinette would be deserving of consequences or not, Nadja would target Marinette first because that’s who she trusted Manon to.

But the episode doesn’t touch on that. At all. Even after the scene cuts back to Nino and Alya (who are still not looking for Manon), the only repercussions they receive are when they’re swiftly dealt with by Puppeteer (which is silly when you consider that the Puppeteer got akumatized because of them yet chose other people who did nothing wrong to be the ones who were almost killed).

It’s not touched on because that wasn’t important to the episode. No, what was important was hurting, unnerving, and humiliating Marinette as often as possible for a quick joke.

…

*sigh*

Speaking of which…

[The Statue of Limitations]

The statue scene. A testament to how far the writers are willing to go for a laugh.

Uggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggh.

Okay, so… I have several points. Literally several.

First off, we have Marinette and Tikki’s conversation, where Tikki gives actual advice when Marinette is stressing out over Adrien.

On the surface, it’s like, oh, cool, Tikki’s improving, but ultimately, the fact is that Tikki’s advice isn’t for Marinette’s sake.

It’s for the statue scene, when Marinette decides to start acting and playing a role as she pretends to confess to the Adrien “statue”. It’s not like this acting thing comes back later in the episode, so its sole purpose is to make Marinette humiliate herself in front of Adrien.

Second off is Adrien himself. Because of Nino failing to reassure him, Adrien still believes that Marinette dislikes him or just generally views him in a way that he doesn’t like.

In concept, I understand why Adrien would want to reassure Marinette that he’s a good friend. I get why he’d try to find a way to cheer her up and make him seem more friendly to her.

However, this? This isn’t Adrien being dense; this is Adrien being careless.

Let’s factor in what Adrien knows about Marinette. Nine times out of ten, Marinette flails, stammers, and seems to just be a big bundle of nerves. Even back in “Riposte”, Adrien points out that Marinette gets flustered easily, so he’s aware of this.

And that is why I cannot understand why his idea of getting on her good side is playing a prank on her. Pranks are very dicey territory, especially for people with anxiety, and this is even disregarding the fact that Adrien didn’t even consider what Marinette would prefer.

It would’ve been so much better had he tried to reason why he thought Marinette would like to be pranked, trying to figure out what the absolute best way to make her happy would be.

But instead, he takes the quickest way out. He’s hardly out of his conversation with Plagg before he sees Marinette and has the brilliantly stupid idea of “Hey, let me act like a statue in front of the girl who goes into hysterics at the sight of me! I’m sure that we’ll have a great laugh once I’ve revealed myself!”

It’s not just short-sighted; it’s reckless. Adrien has no evidence that Marinette is the playful type, often just saying that she’s “nice” (which people don’t often associate with “like pranks”), yet he chooses the worst option out of all other options to try and earn Marinette’s trust/friendship.

Third off is Plagg, and this is a big one. Now, obviously, Adrien and Marinette don’t know that the other is Ladybug/Chat, but Plagg and Tikki do.

That’s why it’s baffling to me that Plagg doesn’t try to deter Adrien from pretending to be a statue. He knows that Marinette is Ladybug and knows that kwami often talk to their holder once their holder is “alone”, so the amount of risk involved here is insane.

As for Tikki, either she knew that Adrien wasn’t a statue (and had no way to warn Marinette; would’ve been nice to have been shown that though), or the plot just coincidentally forgot that Tikki safely pops out of the purse whenever she and Marinette are alone (and sometimes when they’re not because Tikki isn’t as stealthy as she thinks).

Heck, even if Plagg presumed that Tikki would know not to come out, there’s still the chance that Marinette could’ve said something to Tikki like, “Look, I can practice with this statue!”. Just like that, her identity would’ve been blown, all because Plagg didn’t say anything when he should’ve.

And yes, Marinette was in the room, but Plagg could’ve easily pressed on the back of Adrien’s neck and muttered to Adrien to not do this because there was an obvious chance that Tikki would pop out of the purse (or, again, that Marinette would talk to Tikki), thus revealing Marinette’s identity as Ladybug.

“Dark Owl” was all the way back in Season 2, so even with all the Season 1 akuma littered about the museum, I highly doubt that this episode takes place before that one.

Though, of course, with this episode order, what do I know?

I mean, after all, it’s not like this episode blatantly shows a character that debuted in an episode that proved that Plagg very clearly knew about Marinette being Ladybug.

…Oh wait–

That’s actually exactly what it did.

And just on another note about Plagg: fourth off, how is Plagg not laughing hysterically at this scene? Like, obviously, I don’t find it funny, but if this episode is trying to show what “comedic gold” this scene is supposed to be, then why isn’t Plagg trying his very hardest to hold back his snickering? He thought it was hilarious when Chat said mean things to Ladybug in “Dark Cupid”, so why would this be any different?

Fifth off is Adrien… again. He just has a lot of problems here, okay?

I fully comprehend the idea that “Adrien is a model and, therefore, he’s able to hold still for a painfully long time”, but this is way too much. Adrien stands completely still while Marinette touches his face, plucks one of his hairs (which he only twitches at), and even puts her weight on him.

There’s suspension of disbelief, and then there’s just doing whatever the plot wants regardless of how much sense it makes. By the time Marinette is clearly staring at him fondly, Adrien could’ve recognized that Marinette didn’t actually hate him and thus dropped the act.

Yet, he chooses to keep going. He drags it out for as long as possible for this “prank” until he feels personally uncomfortable with Marinette kissing him.

Not Marinette feeling personally uncomfortable. Oh, no, Adrien just blatantly intrudes on that, what with him acting like a statue and just standing there as Marinette starts pouring her heart out with feelings that are quite frankly none of his business.

It’s only once he reveals himself that he shows any sort of remorse, because that’s the only time that matters apparently.

Like, “I didn’t want to scare you.” Well, gee, Adrien, then what exactly did you THINK was going to happen? How did “Evillustrator”, “Troublemaker”, and basically ANY EPISODE where you sneak up on Marinette NOT give you enough of a hint that Marinette is easily startled and also doesn’t LIKE to be startled?

It’s not a “joke”; it was Adrien doing whatever he wanted because he apparently didn’t want to go through the effort of figuring out what Marinette would’ve wanted.

Sixth off is Marinette herself, and I don’t even know where to begin.

Let’s just start with how weird it is to see Marinette (a creator) physically touching someone else’s work. I mean, I don’t know if I’d go so far as to say it’s out-of-character (plus, given how the statues are placed–right on the floor where everyone will undoubtedly walk near them–they might be designed to be touched/hit without any risk; the statue of Aurore’s umbrella even withstands being struck), but I imagine most people went into this episode thinking “Manon’s going to be running around and touching statues and driving everyone crazy if/when she ruins ones” only to then be confused as it’s Marinette who physically touches one (or at least what she thinks is one).

And I honestly don’t know how I’d define her behavior. Like, yeah, it was weird, but we–the audience–know that it’s the real Adrien, so that colors the perspective a bit there. If that had been an actual statue, I probably wouldn’t have blinked an eye because, like, it’s a statue and this is apparently a museum with super high-quality ones. Marinette touching someone else’s work weirds me out more than her doing anything to something that she thinks is a statue.

Also, an actual stalker–as some people claim her to be–would’ve known that it was real Adrien hair and not yak hair just by the feel of it. Step up your game, Marinette.

Chat also sniffed Ladybug in both “Animan” and this episode, by the way, and he knew/thought that she wasn’t a statue in both cases. Realistically speaking, the “over-the-top” reaction from Marinette’s sniffing versus Chat’s is likely because Marinette was expecting the scent of a wax statue and was pleasantly surprised to find that it smelled like Adrien.

…Also, wASTED OPPORTUNITY FOR AN “ADRIEN, THE FRAGRANCE” REFERENCE, YOU SORRY EXCUSE FOR AN EPISODE.

…Also also, Marinette gesturing to the Adrien statue while complimenting its beauty was legitimately adorable and I’ll fight for that belief.

But, well, that’s not the crucial point in this scene anyway. No, the big thing is the fact that this is up there with Marinette’s most humiliating moments involving Adrien.

And that is quite the list, by the way. Like, here’s every embarrassing moment Marinette has endured that just came to me off the top of my head:

- Recording an embarrassing voicemail to Adrien and then having to go through multiple steps to prevent him from listening to it

- Having Adrien see her walking around in her pajamas

- Walking into a male’s bathroom to talk to Adrien

- Getting her wall of Adrien photos broadcast on live television

- Being laughed at due to writing her love letter while saying it out loud, THEN having to endure Adrien misinterpreting everything due to her giving him the wrong letter (and she’s promptly laughed at again)

And now, we have this. We have Adrien pretending that he’s a statue and Marinette acting fondly around him: touching him, sniffing him, and even kissing him, only for Adrien to reveal himself at literally the worst moment.

I’d also just like to take a moment to point out how soul-crushing it must’ve been for Marinette to be living in this fantasy of kissing her crush, only to have him pull away from her. I’m not saying that Adrien should’ve let it happen, but it’s the fact that Adrien continued to let this charade go on for so long and that the episode had to progress it to that point.

Because, again, Marinette’s feelings do not matter to the episode. Marinette is at the expense of the writing staff, being punished for taking basically any action with Adrien. She tries to confess, fumbles because plot, and then has to pick herself up again to do it all over.

It’s an endless cycle. She’s spent so much time and energy into getting Adrien to love her, her friends keep pushing for her to be with him (with reservations on the matter that they often choose not to voice aloud), and she’s endured so much embarrassment just to be around him that I can only feel bad for her.

I feel bad because it’s clear why she’s desperate and crazy for him: it feels like such a waste to give him up after all the work she’s put in, and she’s never allowed to move on because the show doesn’t give her a chance to see Adrien’s flaws (or at least in a way where the narrative is acknowledging them as flaws), leading her to believe that he’s near-perfect. The only flaw she’s allowed to see is in episodes like “Gamer”, where Adrien is sulking about himself.

…OH YEAH, THAT REMINDS ME. ONTO MY SEVENTH POINT.

So, seventh off, one would think that, after being so horrified from the whole “thought it was a statue but it was the real thing” experience, Marinette would get time to sit, reflect, and at least cry a little.

But that is not what happens. When Adrien pulls away, instead of immediately apologizing, he cracks an awkward joke about what she’d said. It’s not that I don’t think it’s in-character, but dude, could you not???

And instead of tending to Marinette more after he apologizes and sees her sulking, Adrien sits next to her and has the gall to mope about how, despite all the time he’s spent with her (timestamps or it didn’t happen), he still doesn’t know how to be a good friend.

…I can’t even express how frustrating this is.

Like, look, whether he is right or not, by saying what he said (with nothing else added) and also not facing her, Adrien made the situation about himself and his problems. This draws all the attention away from Marinette and makes her feel bad for making him feel bad.

Whether they resolve this later or not is irrelevant, because the episode could’ve just as easily had Adrien leave Marinette alone so that she could clear her head before he starts pressing her (in the VERY NEXT SCENE THEY HAVE TOGETHER, which is in the same place and they haven’t even moved) over what happened.

Seriously, that is all kinds of wrong. Adrien should’ve either prioritized making Marinette feel better before he throws his pity party, or left her alone to figure out how he was going to make it up to her. If he thinks he’s so bad at friendship, then why is he continuing to do the exact same things that he’s been doing since “Gamer”?

I can only presume it’s because the “Treatment of Marinette” status quo is in effect, and that’s wrong all on its own.

[Museum of Moments]

Even disregarding the statue scene and the stuff with Alya and Nino, this episode is still just… bad. Thus, before I get to the big (using that word very negatively) scene at the end, I wanna talk about the smaller stuff.

Like, Manon’s whole thing about everyone ignoring her honestly wasn’t built up well. The whole thing in the intro with Manon’s line about how nobody pays attention to her wasn’t needed, nor was Marinette accidentally ignoring her due to being smitten with Adrien (that made zero sense given that he’d been in the car with her for the whole ride). Manon being upset that Nino and Alya went off to play without her was already enough. She’s a child; anything aside from that scene with Nino and Alya was just unnecessary dialog that could’ve gone to something worthwhile (like, y’know, Marinette’s problems).

And ultimately, all Manon is good for her is adding to Marinette’s embarrassment (as if she needed more) by being the one to mention the Adrien photo wall and asking if Adrien and Marinette are dating.

Then, there’s Adrien/Chat, and… like, I was never really one to lean either way on him being helpless versus saving people (I did a post on it once, but it was more out of request), but… he has way too many saves in this episode.

First, he saves Marinette from a statue Hawk Moth, using an umbrella he took from an Aurore statue.

Heck, he even keeps fighting the statue of Hawk Moth as Marinette escapes. He gets saved by Ladybug afterward, but he still held his own for a while.

Later, as Chat, he somehow manages to save himself from statues of various akumatized people being piled on top of him (and a certain head that was trying to take his ring in a certain way that I am not talking about).

Him saving himself is even done off-screen, so we don’t know how he did it.

Immediately after, he’s approached with a kiss from a statue of Ladybug, which he figures out rather quickly due to her scent and–okay, wait, I was going to just mention this, I have to talk about it because it really bugs me.

Chat (as Adrien) later refers to Ladybug as the “girl he loves”, yet he apparently knows nothing about her considering that a statue version of Ladybug goes in for a kiss (while The Puppeteer is still presumably hanging around) and he just rolls with it before realizing that it’s not her…

due to her scent.

Not because her kissing him at a time like that is incredibly out-of-character.

Not because he knows that she’s never shown interest in him (their conversation earlier–which I’ll get to–could’ve easily been referring to the guy she has a crush on, which Chat is aware of).

And not because it seems unlike her to not speak, not ask if he’s okay, and not comment on the fact that he saved himself.

It’s her scent that gives her away.

Just… really? (and no, I’m not going to get on Ladybug’s case for not noticing that the statue of Chat was a statue because she isn’t the one claiming that they’re meant to be)

Anyway, once Chat’s figured out that the statue was a fake, he uses Cataclysm and breaks it to pieces, which I would think would be a bit traumatizing, but apparently, Chat is 100% okay with staring into this Ladybug statue’s face as she becomes dust. I mean, he could’ve at least confirmed that it was taking his ring before he goes “you smell like wax and that’s suspicious despite the fact that we’ve been fighting wax statues this whole time so we could possibly have a lingering scent of it”.

And as if that wasn’t enough, Adrichat goes for a fourth save by bursting into Ladybug’s fight just in time to save her from getting an earring removed.

I’m all for Chat doing more and just generally contributing, but four flawless victories in one episode are way too much for him.

Regardless though, while on the subject of Chat, he also gets to teach Ladybug a “lesson” about talking to people about one’s feelings. Not only is it incredibly out of nowhere (given that this is in the middle of a fight and Ladybug doesn’t often bring personal issues into fights, especially mid-fight), but it’s yet another example of Adrichat “having all the answers” while simultaneously knowing nothing about anything.

His advice isn’t technically bad, but it’s not relevant. The real question that should be asked is why Chat has no problems flirting, but struggled to say “I love you” directly to Ladybug’s face back in “Dark Cupid”. For all the credit Ladybug seems to give him for being able to flirt with her, it’s not addressing any of the issues that Ladybug actually has (Marinette stated in this episode that she was scared of being rejected, which is what the conversation should’ve been about).

This is even ignoring the fact that the conversation is essentially pointless. All it did was make Marinette almost confess to Adrien before he cuts her off, but that’s not progress and doesn’t give much hope going forward.

(by the way, lowkey wanted to see Chat talk about how flirting was his way of working himself up to a confession, so Marinette goes back to Adrien and channels her inner Chat to flirt with him; cue a very confused Adrien and a flabbergasted Alya)

The episode had some good ideas, like Alya and Nino’s conversation in front of the statues of their akumatized selves, but it drops the ball so many times and on so many jokes that it’s not worth it.

And, while we’re on the subject of dropping the ball…

[Car-crossed Lovers]

So, the scene in the car, where Marinette and Adrien apologize to each other, starts well enough. Even if it was Adrien’s fault first, it does make sense for Marinette to feel just as bad (especially since she kissed him).

The problem comes from literally everything else.

I already brought up Adrien cutting Marinette off before she confesses and his line about “the girl I love”, but I want to touch on the latter once more.

That line is the thing that shifts the whole scene from a happy mood into total sadness, yet it makes no sense for why it had to happen.

Chat has talked about how his friendship with Ladybug is so important to him, yet he refers to her as if it’s like “oh, it’s just this girl I’m in love with” so out of nowhere?

And just to be clear, it’s not that I have an issue with him being in love or mentioning that he’s in love with a girl. My problem comes from the fact that his mention of her goes straight to his crush.

It’s not “my best friend” and then clarified to “oh, not Nino, it’s this girl I love”, it’s just a downgrade to “the girl I love”. It could’ve even been an, “I’m glad you aren’t in love with me, because I’m already in love with another girl and I wouldn’t want to hurt you. I know how that feels.”

But of course, we can’t waste our time with complexity and nuance; how else will we have time for Marinette to be miserable? We already took up all our other time doing more important things, like building up Manon’s akumatization and embarrassing Marinette!

*sigh* Which brings us to the subject of Marinette being depressed about Adrien loving another girl.

We’ve done this. We’ve already done this in “Frozer”, which takes place before this given that this episode features a statue of Phillipe, who was introduced in “Frozer”. Also, that episode isn’t insanely high on my favorite episodes list, but it did this plot better.

And to spend all this time on Chat talking to Ladybug about feelings and Alya and Nino trying to set Marinette up to confess to Adrien…

just to have Adrien drop the bomb on her? It’s not even like this’ll change anything, considering Alya and the rest of the girl squad will likely keep pushing Marinette to spend more time with him, claiming that he “just doesn’t know her yet”.

Not only that, but after Adrien went on earlier about how he’s “bad at friendship”, he proceeds to awkwardly sit in the car as Marinette slumps back in her seat and looks sadly out the window? Marinette gives him impassive and empty responses, yet Adrien drops the subject almost immediately. He hardly looks worried when she’s leaving the car to go into her house.

Adrien complains about himself, yet fails to do anything to correct it. If he’s going to drop the subject (accepting that Marinette just doesn’t want to talk with him), then he could call Nino or Alya and ask them what he did during the conversation to make Marinette upset. It’s not a perfect solution, but it’s something to show that Adrien cares enough to take action.

Then, we have Tikki, who decides to not give any more of the good advice that she had previously in the episode (yet more proof that it was a one-time thing for the sake of humiliating Marinette). No, because instead, Tikki gives vague nonsense about how “life is full of surprises”.

Well, yes, Tikki, you’re technically right. Marinette hearing that Adrien was already in love with someone else was certainly a surprise despite the fact that, again, “Frozer” exists.

But, of course, this apparently makes Marinette feel better enough to not give up on Adrien (I presume, given that she didn’t rip off the picture on her board), despite it not being inspiring whatsoever and only acting as Tikki’s “generic jargon of the day.”

Also, this is extremely high up there in “worst times for the happy ending jingle ever”, just saying.

Now obviously, I understand that Tikki is doing this because she knows that Adrien has a crush on Ladybug. She doesn’t want Marinette to give up when she knows that Adrien is technically in love with her.

But, I have to ask… why?

Why is Marinette not allowed to move on and try with other people? In fact, that’s exactly what Tikki should be encouraging!

If Marinette is able to move on and her crush on Adrien is left to settle down, then she’ll be able to talk to Adrien properly.

Adrien will be able to see her more for who she really is.

He might even fall for her because of it.

But this? All Tikki is doing is stagnating Marinette’s development. She’s purposefully stunting Marinette’s growth and letting Marinette wallow in the fact that Adrien “doesn’t love her.”

And Tikki didn’t even have to give Marinette advice. She could’ve hugged her (”Origins”/”Princess Fragrance” style), whispered a few comforting words about how she believes that Marinette will work it out (which I would support because Tikki has information that she can’t tell, making her opinion more biased), and then asked if Marinette would be okay or if she needed anything.

I don’t ask for Tikki to have all the answers, but I want her to put less focus on the big picture (i.e: Marinette and Adrien are in love with each other in some way and, therefore, encouraging that they be together is best) and more on what’s good for Marinette now.

Would Adrien eventually fall for Marinette? Tikki doesn’t know. She’s banking on either that, or an eventual identity reveal. If neither of those things happen, Marinette stays depressed and it’s all Tikki’s fault.

And, okay, I am officially done with the show not letting Marinette be freaking sad. The scene between Adrien giving Marinette the metaphorical gut-punch to Marinette laying in bed with a casual smile is a pathetic thirty-eight seconds long. Her feeling humiliated before shifting her attention to Adrien’s pity party is less than twelve.

For basically the entire season, Marinette has either been treated unfairly or just been sad with no satisfying pay-off whatsoever.

Do you want proof? Do you want statistics? Because I have statistics.

I combed through every single episode that has aired so far and grabbed every single time that either Adrien or Marinette are truly sad/anxious. Heck, I was even generous and cut out when Marinette is having a total freak out versus being sad.

Season 3? A total mess. Here’s the facts:

Marinette has had tons of sad moments all through the season, already having more than she did in Season 1 despite Season 3 not even being close to over. Also, not only did Adrien get more screentime on average during his sad moments (in every season, honestly), but Marinette had an 80% chance of her moments being unsatisfying in Season 3 versus the coin flip of 50% in Season 2.

It’s… depressing. Marinette already goes through so much in her life (being friends with celebrities, acting as an honorary member of Kitty Section, going to school, working on her fashion, and–oh, y’know–BEING A SUPERHERO), yet the amount of stuff that keeps piling onto her just for the sake of making her suffer only seems to increase as time goes on.

And, yes, it’s natural for things to ramp up in intensity as seasons go on; new conflicts, new drama, and new obstacles are often introduced that test characters as they develop.

But that’s not what this is. This is the plot doing whatever it can to go against Marinette, either to force drama (seriously, the timing of that “girl I love” moment felt like it came out of a bad fanfic), force the conflict, or just make Marinette miserable.

So, essentially, a teenage girl needs to suffer needlessly to keep the status quo in check, and any attempts to do anything (whether it’s keeping within the status quo or not) will only end badly.

Ugh.

[bbnibini]

persona non grata (satan x mob character! reader)

Summary: You knew from the very start that no matter how much you struggle to feel like you belong somewhere, you will never truly fit in--it didn't mean you couldn't try though. That's what desperation would do to anyone; looking elsewhere with delusions of grandeur---longing for a role that could never be yours. (ao3 vers.)

The new human had an interesting scent--at least that was what you thought before your eyes met with the student council vice president's icy glare. Any semblance of hunger for a pure soul left your poor little demon body at the thought of an early death---a few thousand years too early than Devildom's life expectancy.

If you had a soul of your own, surely it had already left your flesh prison out of fear. Still, there wouldn't be any harm to observe, right? As long as you keep to yourself and blend in the background, you could hear and witness all sorts of things.

For one, the human (specifically, the one without 72 pacts) had a penchant for trouble(although seemingly unintentional) that you almost felt sorry on their behalf. You could only get glimpses of their struggles on the reflection near the glass windows of the school library--a place where you have come to understand, after a few days of coincidental eavesdropping, had served as the human's refuge when they wanted to escape from the student council. They would greet you in a friendly manner when you occasionally share tables. Sometimes, they were with a council member, and oftentimes in those "sometimes", it was the Avatar of Wrath who always had his nose stuck on a book.

"Good day. May I sit with you?"

You always nod, often pretending to be interested on a homework or a reference book so he wouldn't think that you were staring. There were rare times as well when you were both on the table alone, usually when the human exchange student had another headache to deal with that Sir Satan couldn't be bothered to get involved in. It wasn't always peaceful like this though. There was a point when he was cautious of you as well, sensing the hunger in your eyes as a free meal dangled itself in front of you. But unlike the other demons, you had restraint--perhaps cowardice was a better term. One look at the infamous Avatars of Sins' intimidating presences is enough for you to shrivel in your seat and pretend to befriend your uneaten food.

"I know something about you, you know..." you recalled what he said to you back then in the faintest of whispers--conscious of the eyes and ears that could have been spectating from afar. You realised it wasn't really the urgency or the secrecy of his words that drove him to be so cautious; rather it is in his nature to do so. He was always careful, planning several steps ahead with convoluted contingency plans for each possible failure. It just happened that you were entangled in it--an unimportant demon who acted a bit differently from the others.

"...insignificant family tree. Hardly any pacts nor souls collected from humans. You might as well be invisible. However, there is a reason for that, isn't there?" the coldness in his tone didn't match the warm smile he was currently giving the human who sat nearby, thanking him for a fresh batch of lead for their mechanical pencil.

He leaned close to your ear when the human was distracted over their DDD---a seemingly intimate gesture that, in human standards would have at least been romantic. However, reality was far more cruel.

"...a union with an angel and a demon--a cursed bloodline that forced your family into obscurity. I wonder what would happen if everyone here would know you're a hybrid?"

Your face paled in fear--enough for the human transferee to ask of your well-being('corn fashion' or whatever that's called). If he hadn't threatened you under his breath, you would have been fooled by the mask of concern he had worn immediately upon the human's notice. You wondered if they also know of the sides of the Seven Avatars that truly earned them their reputation and Prince Diavolo's trust. You wondered if they knew and didn't care at all.

"Meet me here later when they leave. Mammon will pick them up in a few minutes."

You wondered about the certainty of his orders. Intimidation, you thought--your family wasn't even a part of his domain. That responsibility belonged to His Grace, Barbatos as you are residing in his duchy. Then again, such matters hold little meaning at the threat of his revelations. You adhered to his whims as you had no choice. Your little game began then. He, with cautious eyes scrutinised your every move. Oftentimes, an order followed---usually to keep an eye on the human and to make sure they were safe.

"They hardly have any interactions with other students besides us because of their...appeal. Lord Diavolo has ambitious plans for this exchange program. Its success would surely benefit even you."

Benefit? You wanted to sneer. He had a way to reel a demon in, that's for sure. "Is his lordship asking that I babysit them?" 'Them' pertaining to of course,  the human that all of his brothers fancied. "As you are probably aware milord, I cannot possibly decline you. My personal opinions hardly matter when it comes to an order."

You saw his facial expressions tighten into a smile. The faintest hint of his sin rested there, flickering in his eyes like flames of rage waiting to consume you. He did not speak immediately; of course he wouldn't. Not if it threatened to show weakness--not especially if it meant a lowly peon would gain the satisfaction of being able to ruffle his feathers. Instead, the smile stayed. His words instead were icy and malicious. 

"What do you expect me to do? Accommodate you? Who do you think you are?"

Nobody, you wanted to answer. A nobody who got entangled in their mess somehow. A nobody that the human deluded themselves to being their friend just because you didn't pounce at them or tried to attack them at first sight. Yet a part of you couldn't blame the human entirely, instead it pointed its fingers towards yourself. It reminded you of your cursed bloodline---the faintest of kindness left in your beating apparatus and--hell forbid, a conscience, though a fraction resting in your soulless body. 

"I beg pardon but…I work under His Grace,not you. If you would like to personally request for me...then I would have no say in the matter: Lord Barbatos does."

His gaze penetrated you, cold and calculating---perhaps not expecting to be turned down and in such a roundabout manner at that. If you were any braver, you would have added "I'm only following your example, Sir. Your methods inspire me." Thankfully, you stopped yourself from your inevitable death flag before it was too late. The blond demon Lord's smile never faltered, beautiful yet also ruthless. The tone of his voice clearly expressed his intentions with you… 

"Is your life so trivial to you?" 

…because to him, you were anything but important. 

You carefully weighed in your words; your trembling hands enclosed into fists so tightly that your knuckles turned white. What did he want to hear from you? How will he understand that you aren't someone worth paying attention to? Do you need to harm the human? But what of your family? Your bloodline? What of the angels that helped your ancestors escape a harsher punishment? Will saving yourself cost their own safety? 

You wondered why you were even considering this---a pureblood demon would surely choose to save themselves in a heartbeat. You'd rather do so, but your traitorous conscience wouldn't seem to allow you to. 

"My life belongs to my Lords." you said, trying to convince yourself of your own words---a truth more convenient to you in exchange of your own pride. However, saying so made a part of your chest ache, digging into you and calling out your own hypocrisy. Deep down you knew you were tired of it all--of hiding and of being ashamed of your birth. He will surely never understand how you feel: after all, wasn't he a great ruler of Hell? 

"I only wish for you to follow due process, Sir." You tried not to make yourself small and stared back at him, seeing the seething anger in his emerald eyes. "I am but a lowly servant with nothing of interest but my bloodline. If milord implies I will make good company for His Highness' valued guest because of it, then I worry that my very blighted bloodline will endanger them instead. Even so, if you still wish to employ me under your administration, it would be better to speak with my superior. I apologise for wasting your time."

. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

A cold, unreadable gaze.

"...yes, you did. You talk too much for someone so disposable."

Your knees gave out as soon as his retreating footsteps became inaudible. Cold sweat dripped down your face.

You managed to survive, but until when? When will you stop bowing your head and letting everyone walk over you because of your circumstances? 

If a demon gaining a heart and a conscience through forbidden unions meant a life of misery and discrimination, then why do you live at all? Was your ancestors' love a mistake? 

. 

. 

.

.

…were you also? 

You felt something warm dripping down your cheeks as you hid in the farthest corner of the non-fiction section. Weak, pathetic and helpless--

You've always hated that part of yourself.

A few things to note: I wrote this but never got to continue it because of Hamartia 2/PSISLY. Reader isn't MC, but is instead one of Barbatos' underlings--a hybrid trying desperately to hide their birth origins. It's a lot darker than OG Obey Me and has some mentions/scenes of gore and torture(plus a VERY VERY toxic relationship between Reader and Satan). MC and Reader also interact a lot and Reader notices MC isn't as "cheerful" as they seem (MC suffers from trauma from the tragic events of chapter 16). I have never written anything like that before and want to try exploring it someday. Since I'm not sure if I will ever come to continue this because of Hamartia, I thought I might as well share it here. Might turn this into an HC if ever haha.

[valerianka-97]

Twisted, tangled, wicked, sick.

... That is how I felt when I actually finished that article. Heaven help me...

The 12th of July is the beginning of a new era for gothic rock trio from Massachusetts - PVRIS.

Last Friday the band introduced to the world their debut single "Death Of Me" from an upcoming third album. They also released a thrilling music video for the song.

New sound, same energy.

Death Of Me was supposed to be a new rock hit but surprisingly turned out to be the dance hit instead. Many fans were confused, some were in panic that the band switched to another genre, others were slightly shocked. But everyone agreed that the song with the video alongside are something out of this world.

Evolution of sound isn't surprising, the frontwoman Lynn Gunn is known to collaborate with pop and dance artists such as Seven Lions, TBMA and some others, so the electronics that fully replased live instruments is something we could see coming.

Anyways, the band is staying true to themselves, judging by the themes and overall vibe of their new song.

Death Of Me definitely has strong old-PVRIS vibes: the lyrics are still dark and sinister and the video is moody and ominous.

In the song Lynn tells us the story of obsessive love. Obsessive, passionate and dangerous love. Or dedication. It's still a mystery whether she's referring to her love relationship or to something else. Gunn likes to hide things in plane sight, so her love life would've been too easy to refer. The song kinda reminds me of Florence & The machine's Pure Feeling, in which Florence Welch speaks about her dedication to fans and vice versa. The metaphor fits just right to that theory.

Let's speak straightforward here, fans are the best promotion machine of any artist. We can suffocate or let them breath, we can literally be the death of them, because fans are the ones who put an artist on a pedestal and fans can kick them back down. It also reminds me of something else. Something more important and global. But I will leave that thoughts for later in the article.

The music video here is another story but also is an adding to that theory. I'll talk about it more below.

First, let's take a closer look at all the mysteries in the vid.

The biblical theme is the one we notice first of all, it's very simple, and there is a reason of that obviousness. While fans are building logical connections with the first visual metaphor of the seduction of Eve by the devil in a snake's appearance with the song lyrics and then enjoying passionate sequences and the cult initiation, the most interesting metaphors are carefully hidden. The devil is in the details, guys.

The storyline of the video is built on hidden metaphors. Some of them may or may not be intentional, maybe I just built logical connections where there is none but you surely will find my observations interesting.

The seduction and the forbidden fruit are not the only symbols from the Bible. We can see the new members of cult going through initiation. But have you noticed that all of them are of different races? There are black people, asians and white people. It got to me when I wondered about the symbolism of the pyramid formed by the cultists with our trio in the heart of it - which is also may be symbolic and may represent the three ascendants of Noah (or is it too complicated? It may be unintentional). Here we've got the Tower of Babel metaphor.

Next on - the red aquarium. I've already said in a comment section for the video on YouTube that aquarium represents the falling of Adam and Eve from heaven. It's a small piece but key one, keep that in mind.

Now, remember the line in the song "I'm falling, fading, and seeing angels". This line is not just the reference to Demon Limbs. Everyone has noticed that the band made a colorful music video. And the colors in it were not chosen randomly. The band and everyone in the sequence dressed in white instead of classical culty black wearing. Knowing of the falling from heaven metaphor in the video and connecting it to the line from the song we've got our "angels" Lynn talks about. And that's not all of it.

The Tower of Babel in the Bible is known to represent a kind of an act of rebellion against God. The whole cult sequense symbolizes that at some point. The initiation almost completely recreates the holy communion. This, overall, may represent the creation of the alternative religion as a counterweight to the original one and creating their own kind of heaven on Earth, which for some may look more like hell. But that's, my friends, is parallax. Another reference to song lyrics.

And my favorite metaphor, which is also pretty simple but hidden in plain sight. The whole song with its dark, seductive, even erotic, at some poin, vibes is a hint, not to count pretty obvious visualisations in the video.

Lust. The most pleasant one of all deadly sins. Tangled bodies moving rhythmically to the heartbeat and everyone's in rapture. Passionate, isn't it? I mentioned hell lately on purpose. "One man's hell is another's God, it's all about perspective, a parallax". Lynn Gunn surely knows how to play with words and the visuals.

The storyline starts at the actual end of the music video. Why not the snake sequence? You may ask. In fact, it all begun with a snake and an apple, right?

Like I've said, the colors chosen for the video are not accidental. Red color symbolizes not only passion but also hell. And it is known that Eve was in heaven at the moment of seduction. Which led me to conclusion where the story actually begins. And the pyramid sequence is an actual end (which is to be continued).

The ones, who were fallen and forbidden to come back to heaven gardens for they've sinned, united and built their own garden on Earth and they rule it like God rules heavens.

They've sinned at God's perspective, yet they see it as holy communion from theirs.

Now let's come back to my theory of the song's meaning. Why I think it may be about the fans and something more global.

The first time I've watched and listened to the music video, it kinda reminded me of Britney Spears. Let me explain this absurd. Britney's fame became hell for her in mid-2000's. We all remember that.

That's one piece.

In 2011 Spears released a music video for the song Till The World Ends.

The sequences in that video at some point are repeated in Death Of Me: it caught my attention the second I've seen tangled bodies in a rhytmic movement. In Britney's video the storyline's mostly situated underground, where everyone is dying of the hell of a heat, and the colors in both videos are similar, also the dance-y vibe in the darkness of the underground kinda the same. That's the piece no2.

And the dance with a snake was Britney's most iconic performance back in 200(5?). That's the 3rd one.

Not only the music video led me here. Lynn's "You're a cold-blooded killer only after dark but I don't mind" also reminded me of Britney's song Criminal.

Yes, that all may be just coincidence, because "why the fck Britney Spears? Nothin' in common".

And that's when the song lyrics come up and make sense of all of it. Again, the line about hell in perspective, the line about a noose around Lynn's neck or a poison, the line about danger. I've thought about Britney Spears because she is the best example of what the pressure of huge responsibility for fanbase and fame in general can do to people. Break them, suffocate and be the death of them.

We know that coincidences are not accidental, not with PVRIS. Lynn's metaphors have always been much deeper than it has seemed, so I guess that's a good and well argumented theory.

And don't you think that it's finished. There's more.

Death Of Me also wasn't chosen to be the debut single by accident. From all written above, the song is a perfect metaphor itself for the band's prevous album. All We Know Of Heaven, All We Need Of Hell. Which makes it a great bridge between what we already know and what is soon to be released. My guess is we're about to find out more about heaven and get something else from hell.

I've done pretty heavy work in analyzing everything, and trust me, it was hell. But I enjoyed every hour of it. Twisted, huh?

P. S. While writing a draft to the article I couldn't decide whose name to place in a metaphor with the snake, so at first I wrote "devil's seduction of Eve/Lynn" and accidentally found this strange reference. EVELYNN. Two names, Eve and Lynn, in one Evelynn. And Lynn as Eve in the video. And Evelynn short names are both Eve and Lynn.. Damn, I confused it even more.

Update:

My brain almost exploded yesterday while writing all this. The article is so loaded with information, so I desided not to mention some symbols. Today, as I had a good night of sleep (after very brutal insomnia issues) I realized that the analysis can't be completed without those little details.

The names puzzle above is one of them but I mannaged to put it somehow anyway.

There are several more things to say about symbolism though. One of the them is obvious and everyone noticed it from the start but not everyone is aware of the meaning of that metaphor.

Not all of us know how to read tarot cards, me included. The representation of a tarot card "Three of Swords" - the knives Lynn, Brian and Alex pierced an apple with.

The card's meaning is a heartbreak, sorrow, grief, pain caused by someone's words or actions. It also has a meaning of emotional release and a reminder that the dark clouds building above your head will disappear and take the pain away with it.

The scene of stabbing the apple by the trio most likely symbolizes their expression of that pain and releasing it the moment the apple is pierced.

There is also a colorful symbol which is not that easy to acknowledge but is also put right in front of our sight. I had this thought since the first time I watched the video but didn't bring much attention to it. I came back to it after looking in to flowers handbook.

The flowers on the table in the music video are white lenagolds. Why lenagolds? Why not roses or lilies?

The christian legends say that lenagolds turned up on Earth with the walking of messiah. The Mother's tears that fallen when Jesus carried his cross turned into lenagolds.

Basic meaning of lenagolds is love and devotion. The definition of white lenagolds is sincerity and purity of feelings, loyalty, gratitude and luck.

Note that the flowers laying on the cult's joint table, which also may symbolize the band's devotion and love for the fanbase.

There is another hidden symbol I noticed but didn't manage to solve. Maybe some of you have thoughts on that?

When the cultists stand in two rows facing one another, at first I thought they carried flowers, this scene was really glimpse, so I played it in slow motion. They carried busts.

Not sure what that means, because I can't see whose busts there are, what I'm sure of is that this scene is related to a short shot of a woman's head with bloody tear streaking. Maybe that also reffers to that legend with lenagolds?

Anyways, thank you for reading! I hope you made it down here and I didn't waste your time

If you liked it, please reblog. Would be much appreciated!

[pjmnns]

Sue Me ii

You walked out when he broke your heart. Words were left unsaid, thoughts pushed away, unanswered questions left unanswered— remember when he said there was no second chance? When you run into each other at the same place you first met, he’s hoping to change the past. You say: So sue me for being something you couldn’t forget.

Lawyer!AU, ex-lovers!AU + twist // angst, major fluff, crack (?)

Pairing: Reader X Jungkook

Rating: T (swearing)

Warnings: swearing and sum horrible attempt at writing crack part 2, better character development idk i tried guys

Word Count: 7.5k-ish

>> 1 / 2

Hiii guys I’m back!! Here’s part 2 of Sue Me! It’s a little longer and it turned out better than I initially planned so hope you all like it as well,, please leave me comments and feed back!

“He what?!”

“Shhh,, Jesus keep your voice down Mina, I don’t need the whole office knowing,” you quickly whisper as your gaze searches the empty office floor for any intruding listeners. You show her the invitation and as her eyes flit across the paper, she can’t help but grin, stifling a squeal. Her heels tap excitedly against the carpet instead, the muffled taps an outlet for her excitement.

“I can’t believe he offered to go with you, and just after that one run in at the club, ugh y/n I don’t know how to deal with this!” Finally letting out her squeal she gives your arm a squeeze while you gingerly smile in response.

Mina has been the only other soul you’ve told about the reunion and Jungkook’s offer of course. At least there was someone else in your life you were thankful for to tell your thoughts to. Mina was your senior by a year, personal assistant and secretary to Jeon Junghyun, the other dastardly charming and handsome Jeon lawyer and Jungkook’s older brother. Having gone to your college and subsequently landing a job at the law firm as well, she quickly sought you on your first day of work before you could introduce yourself. Mina was the very kind and passionate woman you could only wish to be someday in the near future. Her poise and professionalism, however, only a workplace facade as you quickly got to know her more quirky, spontaneous personality. She quickly took you under her wing, both at the office and literally when you were temporarily homeless after being kicked out of your apartment. Regardless of the brief time the two of you spent with each other, the relationship with Mina peaked when she offered to be roommates, claiming her plants at home “needed more love and another source of oxygen”. Since then you and Mina commute to the office and school everyday, becoming one another’s sister you never knew you needed but always wanted.

Over the course of wine-drunk nights and girls-night-in, Mina knew well of your history with Hoseok. She wasn’t surprised about his desperation of being a fuckboy, acknowledging the social flourish of guys like him in college settings, once they’ve surpassed the awkward stages of high school. With Mina, you poured out your heartbreak consumed by emotions and alcohol, the understood break-up starter pack. Too many times had Mina drop kicked your body pillow drunkenly, claiming it was Hoseok’s cheating ass, or visualized his face on the dart board of your favorite bar. All in all, Mina was your number one supporter of using, no requesting Jungkook’s presence to emphasize your post heartbreak move-on.

“If only Junghyun had enough romance in his body to realize what a smoking hot secretary he has and offer to aid her in some devious revenge slash I’m the bigger person romcom plot,” you say sighing, waggling your eyebrows at her. Sure enough, you really wish Junghyun had the hots for your friend, they both looked ridiculously and illegally good together and you weren’t surprised if there were unintentional feelings masked by both their strict adherence to professionalism. You swear you’ve seen Junghyun linger the eye contact with Mina, or maybe it’s the way he waits for her every morning at the elevator, or even his tone differs with her. You mentally slap yourself for not compiling physical evidence of the potential blossoming of love in the office.

“Hey! My boss isn’t the one you should be worried about having any romance in him, seems like yours might have a little too much huhh??” Nudging her foot against yours, you push her swivel chair as she spins away laughing, your face heating up at her simple comment. There’s nothing romantic about Jungkook going as your date, its merely, no strictly, correcting yourself, an offer to gain a little self-confidence to finally get over your first heart-break. It’s just another opportunity in the road of life you tell yourself, acknowledging the immense kindness your boss is extending towards you. And in no way did he appear to make it a charity case, rather it seemed like he wanted to see you find closure and perhaps wipe that smirk off your ex’s face while you’re at it. Grinning, you roll towards Mina and pull her closer but your conversation is suddenly interrupted by the surge of co-workers arriving back from their lunch break. “We’ll talk tonight y/n,” Mina whispers, sending you a wink as you both turn towards your desk.

“Mina can you come into my office.”

“Y/n, you as well, I need some things.” The Jeon brothers peek out from their offices at opposite ends of the sector, both dressed in handsome attire though somewhat lax in appearance like the rolled up sleeves or unbuttoned collar. The pair of you stand to walk towards their respective offices but not before you had the chance to make kissy faces at Mina, she slapping your ass in turn as you both hope nobody witnessed the exchange. As Mina disappears into Junghyun’s office, you gingerly close the door to Jungkook’s.

“Y/n, I need you to research previous rulings similar to this case and make a list of laws relating to the client’s situation, focus especially on loopholes that the prosecution may pinpoint or any extraneous details that could possibly give us leverage. Also formulate the agreement for the Jung case that we observed earlier, I need that by tomorrow if possible, we will meet with them in person and have it dealt with. Email a copy to their legal team when you’re finished and remind them of the meeting.”

Jungkook looks up after assigning the tasks to you, realizing you haven’t responded due to your diligence in writing notes. As he waited for you to catch up, he quietly observes the way you support your notepad with one hand while your other grips the pen, marking the page in quick flourishes; the way your soft hair spills over your shoulders, a strand you haven’t had the chance to tuck behind your ear as your face scrunched in concentration. Slowly, he begins to acknowledge the tug in his chest, a pull of admiration and something more. He had always been praised for being the youngest lawyer to work at his family’s firm, an aside to being an accomplished one at that. Moreover he’s used to the fawning of others in the workplace that aren’t his actual family, especially the female coworkers who can only stare and sweetly smile at the lawyer, hoping for acknowledgment. In truth, Jungkook had dreaded having an intern who would double as his secretary, he didn’t need the help nor did he need the prospects of a clingy “fangirl”. He had always respected the office as a professional setting and although he would casually smile to the women vying for his attention, he wasn’t fond of it either. Junghyun had convinced Jungkook to accept the proposal after telling him that his work would be more efficient and having an official secretary made his position more, well official. When Jungkook conceded, his brother made sure his own secretary would pick and choose the ideal candidate, hoping to gain insight from someone as good at the job as Mina was.

Meeting you for the first time, Jungkook immediately acknowledged your professionalism and your immense passion that unraveled over the course of time. Since then, Jungkook saw you as his equal, no less than him despite still being a college student, and no less despite your position as an intern. He understood the dynamic of lawyer and intern/secretary, Junghyun and Mina the perfect exemple of equal parts trust, efficiency, and professionalism, that which you and him immediately gained upon the first week of your arrival. He really did enjoy your company, not only because of your work ethic and your proficiency but even then your personality. Though he only got to know one facet at work, he witnessed many more that night at the club which made him all the more curious about you. Jungkook himself wasn’t sure why he was so adamant about accompanying you to your reunion but when he saw your douchebag ex and the greasy smirk permanently etched onto his face, the way you actually opened your heart to him willingly, trusting him when he encouraged you to go on, he felt a little bit of his professional demeanor falter. He sought the desire for his intern to be happy, to be able to move on from the past and seek closure herself, much like what he always strives for in helping his clients. Jungkook wasn’t so twisted that he would consider the offer to you like that of a client, but a part of him— a very large part of him wanted to see you shining in brilliance and happiness, exuding the same amount of confidence you have for your job to be equal to that of your personal life. And if Jungkook was able to be the source of that, by all means adamant he would be.

“Is that all Mr. Jeon?” you inquire, glancing up from your notepad. You realize that Jungkook was already looking at you but you fail to break eye contact because you were the one who had the last word. You tensely smile and manage a gulp, hoping he wouldn’t notice your attempt to shrink from his intense gaze.

“Please call me Jungkook y/n. If we’re gonna pull this off, I can’t have you calling me mister the whole night,” referring to your reunion.

“Of course Jungkook, sorry just a workplace habit.” Your tone wavers and you grip your notepad, but nonetheless forcing yourself to inquire further, “Are you sure you still want to go through with this Jungkook?” completely aware that you had dropped your professionalism in an effort to confirm your thoughts.

Jungkook smiles at your awkwardness and the unease that appears to cross your face, softly chuckling he confirm his offer, adding a quick “no returns or exchanges cause you’re stuck with me now” which causes you to widen in expression, surprised that he too had dropped the professionalism. As you turn to leave his office after you wave your notebook in the air and tell him you intend to get your work done, Jungkook can’t help but feel a little lighter, reminiscing the same way he felt that night when the both of you were just a little intoxicated and a lot more comfortable. xx

As Jungkook moves forward in shaking the client’s hands, you stand as well bowing towards their departure. Sighing, Jungkook takes a seat and leans back, body lax in an attempt of relieving the stress he had accumulated from the week. The reunion was in a week and the two of you still had to bring the topic up to the table. Seeing as the meeting ended the work day and you would be subsequently going home afterwards, you wondered if you could bring it up to Jungkook. Your thoughts are interrupted when Jungkook calls you out. Sipping his drink, he inquires: “Y/n, do you know what you’re wearing yet?” You take a moment to think and shake your head no, mentally adding one more thing to your infinite list of things to stress about. “Hmm, are you doing anything else for today then?” and again you shake your head no, not understanding why he felt the need to ask that nor what his intentions were. As Jungkook rises to stand, he quips his head towards the door, motioning for you to follow him. “Alright, well let’s have a dress rehearsal then, shall we?”

Both of you pile into his car, you not too foreign with him driving the luxurious Maserati across town to attend court rulings and client meetings. Yet as the sun begins to set in the city and Jungkook turns on the radio to soft music, you can feel the work stress of the week dissolving from your body, able to let go of the professionalism of the office to just chilling on a car ride. You guess the same goes for Jungkook as he drives steadily with one hand, the other dragging through his soft hair, touselling the usual neat hairdo as the wind blows through it as well, his elbow resting on the windowsill. You never had the opportunity to fully take in Jungkook’s appearance, you’re usually too busy taking care of his tasks or dedicating yourself fully to the case to spare a moment to admire the man all the other women can’t seem to get enough of. You never understood their’ obsession with your boss, giving you the side eye or whispering about you when you first landed the internship, eventually you learned it was all laced with jealousy. You simply recognized Jungkook’s ability and work ethic that you only had respect for the man you would be working with.

However, in the moment of driving like this you truly realized how handsome he was. His side profile contrasts against the disappearing light of the setting sun, his eyes bright and soft though worn with fatigue, the curve of his nose, your gaze tumbling towards his soft lips that are now pulled at the edges as he hums to the song. He truly is remarkable and you regret not being able to see it sooner, his youth honestly exuding from his appearance, in his smile, as he slowly turns his head to face you. For some reason you can’t look away, and you don’t. You stare at him, hoping your gaze isn’t too intense as you take in all his features. His soft smile only grows wider and you notice two perfect imperfections on his face, the whisper of a scar against his left cheek and the devious mole right underneath his bottom lip. He redirects his attention to the road but not before taking in your own soft features, your eyes that still have not abandoned him.

Inhaling, you take in a deep breath of air filling your lungs, able to grasp at the relieving freedom. As Jungkook drives across a bridge, you lean back against the seat and turn towards him again, hands folded between your face and the leather seats.

“Thank you,” you softly say, hoping the wind doesn’t carry your words away from his ear. Without glancing over at you, Jungkook asks “for what,” feeding you the confidence to keep speaking.

“For believing in me I guess.. for believing in my right to closure. No matter how much of a front I put on, it all comes down the moment I remember what happened. Curse my impeccable memory but I can recall everything like it happened yesterday,” you speak with a small, sad smile. Jungkook finally looks over at you again and this time, your soft eyes are lost in the past, lost in the very real, very valid pain that you barely speak about.

“We were slowly fading, I could feel it. I tried so hard to grasp at whatever was left but I just couldn’t, like you know when you lose a balloon and it just keeps drifting away but no matter how high you jump or how hard you run after it, the ribbon just keeps slipping out of your grasp.” Jungkook affirms by nodding so you continue.

“Day by day, his temper grew shorter and the things he would say to me just hit harder. He would tell me that it was my fault we were falling apart, unable to keep up with his affections, unable to cater to his needs, unable to be what he wanted.”

“He didn’t just reject my attempt but he rejected me overall. The things he once adored about me burned with annoyance until he couldn’t even look at me, my appearance and my personality, it all shattered. I felt disgusted with myself, out of my own skin. Because someone couldn’t love me anymore, I couldn't love myself.”

Jungkook caught the tear that escaped your eyes, as it slowly rolled down your cheek, the sunlight glinted off of it, enticing him to reach a hand towards you and brush the memento of pain off your cheek. You looked over at him, catching his gaze as you forced a sad smile. Jungkook could only return with his own small smile, not equal in pain but equal in understanding and empathy.

He didn’t ask for the rest of the story, recalling that it had ended with you catching him in the act with no one else but your childhood best friend. What a fucking dick Jungkook thought to himself. How could anyone do that to someone like you he seriously wondered, his dangerously impassioned thoughts seriously contemplating the sick humanity of some people.

As he parks the car and climbs out, you look around curiously acknowledging the place he had driven to as one of the classiest boutiques in the city. You could barely afford the cheapest clothes hanger here being a college student and all but you guess window shopping would be nice for the soul and easy on the eyes. Silently thanking god you were still dressed in your work clothes, you could walk around without standing out, even more so walking alongside Jungkook. You quickly catch up to his long strides and he chuckles at your fervor to walk next to him. As he pulls a door open, you enter the store hesitantly and wait for him to come inside as well. Your eyes immediately marvel at the grandeur of the place, the crystal chandelier and the endless displays of designer shoes, and couture clothing, the overall extravagant gold aesthetic the store feeds. Your eyes are lighting up and Jungkook makes a note of the way you take in the little things, the subtle glimmer of the waxed floor and the array of mirrors that reflect the crystal light. Too afraid to touch anything, your hand simply graces above the clothes as a small exhale escapes your mouth as if you were holding your breath. Jungkook admires you from behind, your frame walking along the store as your hand is outstretched, lightly skimming the couture, a smile of humility on your face as your eyes reveal the joy you have for art, a simple sight but nonetheless beautiful in his eyes. As Jungkook moves to approach you, he swore to himself he would never ever forget the look on your face, the way his heart skips a beat at the awestruck look you give him, gratitude flashing across your face thanking him for showing you such beauty.

“So what was his favorite color?” Your thoughts fall back down to reality and you stutter to answer before finally responding with an “Excuse me?”

Jungkook gives you a smirk, something you rarely ever see in the office, as he explains himself. “I was thinking that you should wear his favorite color…because then whenever he thinks about the color, it’s associated with how good you will look that night and he will always regret the fact that now his favorite something was something he lost sight of?” his confidence faltering at the end of his scheme. You couldn’t help but giggle at his cute attempt to make the entire comeback plan worthwhile, appreciating his efforts because you can literally see the gears turning in his mind, you take a step closer and give him the most genuine smile you could possibly show.

“Green. Green was his favorite color.”

“Oh and Jungkook? I like that. A lot,” referring to his idea, saying so before he quickly scans the store for any green dresses. As his eyes land on one near the back of the store, he grabs your hands and yank you towards it, your excitement bursting as you grip his hand tighter.

xx

Jungkook anxiously sits outside on the plush sofa in the changing rooms. He’s silently grateful there weren’t many customers in the store so that he could sit in the changing room waiting area without looking too suspicious. He picks up a magazine to skim through while you try on the dress he had chosen for you.

As the heavy velvet curtain slowly moves aside, Jungkook’s eyes gaze up and peer out over the magazine. Immediately he breaks out into a grin as his hand flies up to rub his neck, the tingling in his ears bothersome against the suddenly loud thumping of his heart.

You looked beautiful in green, more so emerald, but nonetheless the dress hugged all the right curves as it stopped mid thigh, the micro slit teasing for more while the top cascaded down your chest, an appropriate amount of cleavage that left much to one’s imagination. The emerald brought out your dark features, the brilliance in your eyes and the subtle blush now on your cheeks.

You had first saw Jungkook’s wide smile and as you took a couple steps back, he got up and took a couple forward. As he came closer, your heart pounding the sound reverberating through your ears, you search his face as he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Y/n, you look beautiful.”

It was the simplest compliment anyone could’ve said to you but because it came from Jungkook, it meant so much more. You couldn’t help but flourish at his genuine smile, encouraging you to finally accept how beautiful you are, true to his words.

Eye contact was a frequent occurrence this day, and it didn’t lessen any as you stood there staring into his eyes and his into yours, the proximity much closer than you expected.

The both of you snap back to reality when the pretty sales attendant clears her throat, obviously awkward in her place as her eyes shift around. You recall her earlier attempts at flirting with Jungkook, laughing a little to yourself as she clearly underestimated your relationship with him, feeling the embarrassment flood her interactions with Jungkook now especially with your presence. But not that there was any relationship between you and Jungkook anyway..the mere absurdity of the situation amusing you, you conclude.

Jungkook appears to have concluded just as much also as he also lets out a light laugh and turns towards the attendant. “Thank you for your help, we’ll take it.”

As he moves to help you with the zipper, an unexpected but not intruding gesture you realize the quick reality of the situation. Whipping around and mentally hoping the sales associate was no longer there, you whisper to Jungkook, “Wait! What do you mean take it? Jungkook I can’t afford this!” He laughs at your alarm and simply turns you around before undoing your zipper. “I’ll be waiting outside.”

Confused and even more alarmed when you finally see the exact numbers indicating the price of the dress, you feel your hands nervously shake as you gingerly place the dress on the hanger, fearful for anything to actually happen to the garment. As you step outside the changing room, Jungkook snatches the dress before you could protest and hands it to the sales attendant, swiping his black card as you stand there in silent anguish, knowing you were unable to argue with him now.

Exiting the store, Jungkook has the goofiest grin plastered on his face as he observes your reaction, ranging from your tireless attempts to walk beside his steady strides to mumbling about paying him back in installments. You don’t make much of an effort to speak while trying to catch up with him but after finally settling in the car, you start rambling on how to pay him back and how he could spend so much money on you and how dare he go around spending his money like that, speaking in terms as his secretary. You’re still talking in equal parts dismay and irritation even as you reach a red light, Jungkook’s eyebrow raising as he’s never witnessed you speak so fervently and just, so much. An idea pops into his mind and he’s grinning from ear to ear, but of course you’re oblivious because you’re still in denial at Jeon fucking Jungkook spending so much money on your ass that you’re thrown into shock beyond oblivion when he leans over and presses a kiss to your lips. That better shut her up Jungkook thinks to himself in amusement as he suppresses the smile that’s threatening to escape, concealing it with a cough and bringing his free hand to rest on his philtrum instead.

Your heart obviously can’t take anymore of this and you sit stiffly, making an effort to not make another sound or move. You glance over at Jungkook as he drives, a stupid smirk still on his face and you seriously don’t even know how to begin to comprehend the situation.

He’s still silently observing you in amusement, the way your hands are politely folded in your lap, your head positioned forward but he knows you’re taking glances at him. Jungkook mentally pinches himself for not getting to know you sooner, ultimately deciding that you were definitely someone who has his heart.

As he pulls up to your house after you gave him your address, him quietly prodding your attention to snap you out of whatever state you were currently in, your shoulders immediately release and relieve yourself of the tension you yourself created. You get out of the car and sigh as you turn towards Jungkook getting out of his car as well. He leans against the car from his side, resting his head in his arms on top of the car roof as the night wind softly blows through his hair. Something tugs at your chest and you really don’t want him to leave, upset that for the last leg of the car ride you withdrew yourself over the embarrassment that Jungkook had kissed you.

“Thank you Jungkook. For today, the dress, everything.” You softly smile, hoping to express your genuine gratitude and in some way apologizing for your immature antics after the kiss.

“I’m sorry about the kiss y/n. I didn’t mean to intrude and I don’t have any ulterior intentions either..” Jungkook offers you his most sincere smile, horribly attempting to mask the realization of utter humiliation of his actions, or even worse the consequences of what he did. He was so lost in enjoying your quirks that he failed to realize any misunderstanding of his intentions. Eyes widening, he immediately stammers to offer more of an explanation for his actions, having no actual reason besides the fact that he might be in love, finding any excuse but that.

With the both of you having an equal and fair exchange of self-actualization, embarrassment, and futile attempts to make up for any misunderstanding, you silently listen to his rambling before breaking into a larger grin, soon laughing at both of your antics. Jungkook looks on at you in confusion and so you wonder if he’d like to come in. Shifting the weight of the dress neatly packaged in the designer shopping bag, you ask him, “Um do you want to come in? For a drink or to refresh yourself?” A part of you silently hoping he agrees because you really aren’t ready for the night to end.

And so the night goes on in subtle flirting and obnoxious laughter, you pushing his chest multiple times as he teases at the other people in your office like Mr. Lee, the paralegal, who obviously has the hots for Ms. Min, the single mother lawyer who treats you like her own daughter and whom you have come to love. Competing against Jungkook’s own observations, you point out the prospects of a relationship between Moon-Hee and Dong-Hyuk, the other two lawyers of the legal team.

“No way! They’re always at each other’s throats, no way there’s something between them.”

“Okay but think about how they only tease one another, the way they vie for each other’s attention. Obviously they’re trying to get the other to notice them and they’re both so hopelessly and cluelessly in love that ultimately they resort to bullying one another.”

Jungkook contemplates your observations and slowly expresses his realization with an open-mouthed gasp. “You are such a drama queen, please Jungkook,” uncontrollably giggling at his reactions. He begins to poke at your sides as punishment for calling him out and you really can’t breathe, tapping out on his shoulder.

Jungkook stops before getting serious again, his gaze darkens as he looks at you, “Okay, but what about my brother and Mina though.” He turns sly, his eyebrow quips up as he anticipates your reaction. You nearly jump him, clutching his shoulders and settling on your knees. “OHMYGOD I KNOW RIGHT? YOU CAN SEE IT TOO?” Excitement bubbling in your outburst after finally finding a confidant about the obvious affection between your best friend and the older Jeon. Jungkook just adores your quirk and can’t help but smile. His cheeks are getting sore from all the damn smiling he’s done today but it's worth it because he really wants to show you the genuine happiness you’ve brought out of him.

The two of you ramble on about everything you’ve noticed between Mina and Junghyun, affirming your suspicions but ultimately sighing at their own stubbornness and failing to realize how they truly feel about one another. You’re glad that Mina hadn’t come home yet and you wonder if she was ironically at the office with Junghyun working over time. Eventually Jungkook leaves, and you realize you’re still smiling, if you could smile yourself to sleep that's probably what happened.

Over the course of the next week, you and Jungkook exponentially grow closer than you had over the past year. He calls you into his office more often, even for small things like if his tie was crooked or if his socks matched his pocket square. You attended more meetings with him, followed him around more, brought coffee into his office consistently while he invited you for lunch and dinner almost everyday. You became accustomed to his quirks, not just in the office but on his free time, joining him on more sunset city drives with the windows rolled down, soft music playing, or people watching from the office rooftop after you told him about that place you came to be on top of the world.

xx

The day finally arrives and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t the least bit nervous. Like electricity surging through your veins, your fingers could barely hold steady. Slipping into the dress, your hands skim the fabric, unable to control the tick of your fingers. Mina helps you with the zipper, your nervousness apparent, as she moves your hair to spill over your shoulders and down your back, lightly squeezing your arms to turn you around. Facing the mirror once more, you force your gaze to trail from your legs up until you’ve built enough courage to look at your reflection face on. Truly the dress Jungkook chose does wonders for your legs, your dips, your curves, and most of all your confidence. As you meet your own eyes in the mirror, you can’t conceal the nostalgic sense of love for yourself that you had lost for so long. Not that the dress made you finally acknowledge your worth or beauty, but the fact that it was able to draw out those feelings you had buried. You recall Jungkook’s simple compliment and finally, your own worth and beauty were no longer marred by Hoseok’s damaging and toxic love but rather determined by your own resolve. You were in love with yourself and you couldn’t help but want to save a part of that for someone else as well.

You’re putting on the heels you borrowed from Mina when you hear her stifle a sob, her eyes glistening with tears as if she was daring them to fall.

“Don’t fucking do this to me Mina, stop it, I can’t have my girl crying like this,” as you pull her into a tight hug.

“I’m sorry y/n, you’re just so, so beautiful, and a-and brave, and I hope you wipe that fucking smirk off that dickhead’s face oh godawuehh,” she says in between sobs.

Brushing wet hair out of her face, you grab her cheeks and tell her to get her shit together.

“Min you have your date with Junghyun today, did you really forget? Sis, you can’t show up puffy and red like this even though I’m sure he’s whipped as hell for your ass regardless, but still! You have to look exceptionally pretty tonight so no. more. fucking. tears. Understood?” She carefully nods and is grateful that sometimes you wear the bigger pants around in the house. The tone in which you gave her pep talk was also your own desperate attempt to inject yourself with some confidence, to calm your own nerves.

Well screw that because the apartment buzzes and you open the door for Jungkook. He inhales a sharp breath as he takes you in, his eyes fluttering over your features, bold and elegant, defiant and radiating in his eyes. He’s at a lost for words and you help him out by softly saying “You look amazing.”

Your gaze finally settles on how your boss looks, the perfectly tailored suit flaunting his slim but built physique, the lack of bow or tie and instead the bare collar opened by a couple buttons. His hair is neatly styled except for a couple loose strands that fall the wrong way. Unhesitantly you reach up to brush it out of the way, your hand lightly skimming his dark features, his eyes, the slope of his nose, the curve of his lips open as he follows wherever your hand moves.

Ahem! Mina coughs, or clearing her throat, whatever, interrupting your moment as you quickly withdraw your hand and step back, trying not to notice the way Jungkook’s ears are furiously red.

“Oh, um these are for you Mina,” handing her a bouquet of roses. He explains that they were a pre-date gift from Junghyun and Jungkook rolls his eyes at his brother’s absolute cheese. Mina laughs before accepting them excitedly, composing herself when she realizes you and Jungkook staring.

Glancing at the imaginary watch on her arm, she rushes the two of you towards the door, making you abandon Jungkook to gather your phone and purse. When you turn back around Mina is whispering something into his ear, his face contemplating her words as his eyes widen and fear creeps into his face. As he moves away from her, clearly shaken, she pulls you into a hug instead, smiling innocently.

“Don’t worry about coming home too soon, enjoy your time my beautiful. Bye I love you.”

Finally settling into his car, your curiosity gets the best of you and you turn to ask him what exactly Mina said. He nervously glances back at your apartment building, chokes a little, and mutters something about his dick being tied into a pretty bow. You had to give credit to Mina’s creative integrity whenever it came to instilling fear in people, but certainly you pitied the boy even more so tonight. As Jungkook drives away, fear still blatantly marked across his face, you feel the same equivalence in fear as you realize the night is only beginning.

The sunlight slowly begins to diminish and Jungkook looks over at your tense figure, hands gripping the hem of your dress, knuckles white. He notices the way you chew your bottom lip, your gaze clearly lost in your own thoughts. Jungkook really does feel something for the girl next to him and reaches over, intertwining his fingers with yours. You immediately look over in surprise but the feeling of gratitude washes over you as you hold onto his hand and sink into your seat, grateful for having him by your side and maybe even falling a little into love.

xx

Jungkook pulls up to the Grand Resort Hotel, dropping his keys off with the valet and grabbing your hand once more. Naturally, you intertwine fingers and the feeling feels like home to you. He glances at you again, offering you a mischievous smile.

“You ready to do this?”

Although your heart wants to say no, still afraid of being hurt again, still wary of the throbbing numb and the sinking feeling in your chest, you close your eyes and take a shaky breath in.

“Hell yeah let’s do this,” and with that resolve, you’re smiling right back at Jungkook, matching his quirky smile with your own, ready to get the closure you deserve.

Entering the ballroom, you grip Jungkook’s hand tighter and naturally he pulls you in closer. The room is filled with familiar faces, all the same but just a bit older as you recognize a couple people. Walking past a group of women, you feel their eyes on you as you recall the similar condescending and jealous gazes from high school. You were so intent on proving something to yourself, the resolve stemming from Hoseok that you had forgotten the other ugly parts of high school. The same girls that threw themselves at Hoseok while you guys were dating, the same girls that would speak about you to him, each and every comment laced with the intention to patronize you. Hoseok ultimately falling into their words, believing them and making them a reality. Your confidence falters and you temporarily lose sight of who you’ve become, of who you want to be. Why are you doing this stupid comeback? As if you do have something to prove to these people. What are you even doing y/n?

Jungkook senses your hesitation as you momentarily stop for absolutely no reason and he immediately concludes that it must’ve been someone you saw. His eyes scan your peripheral and they land on the very obvious, demeaning eyes of a group of girls. Jungkook sighs, understanding that whatever happened in the past is out of his control, however he’s intent on making the most of the night for you.

He steps in front of you, blocking your line of sight from whatever it was you were staring at as you were lost in your thoughts, simultaneously snapping you out of it. He places his hands on your arms gingerly and simply says, “Don’t worry about them okay? Just focus on me, me alright? I’m feeling selfish today, sorry y/n but I want your attention to be on me tonight.”

His unexpected method of saving you from your thoughts dissolves any anxiety you had earlier because now you’re only occupied with his face, occupied with his hands touching you.

“Y/n!”

“It’s her! Dude see! I told you!”

You and Jungkook snap out of your moment as you search for the source of your name. You’re immediately flooded with nostalgia and taken back to the happier times in high school. One by one the boys come to surround you, getting their fair share of hugs as you smile at Seokjin, Taehyung, and Jimin. Despite their history with Hoseok, they also had a history with you as their friend. You missed hanging out with them, going AWOL after you broke up with Hoseok. They all chastised their friend for being such a dick, taking your side by all means but choosing rather to give you the space you needed. They all loved you in their own way and you wish you could go back in time to relive the shared memories you had with them, even if that meant dating Hoseok.

Seokjin being the oldest was the best brother you always wanted but never got, period. Taehyung and Jimin were your sun and moon, revolving aspects of your day that were never complete unless they ruffled your hair and pinched your cheeks. Namjoon, who was to arrive later Seokjin explained as you immediately pouted, was your one and only advocate every time you needed someone to listen to your troubles, especially when it was about Hoseok. And finally Yoongi who Jimin pointed out was getting a drink over by the pop-up bar was the one you hung out with the most when Hoseok wasn’t around; you loved Yoongi because of his calm and quiet demeanor, something you both shared as well as your distaste in physical contact. You loved doing anything and absolutely nothing in his company, grateful for the times you were just in his company to cry about the break up.

In a blink, Yoongi was over by your side and you reached for a hug, lingering a while longer than the rest because you genuinely missed him. He eventually pushed you away with a grunt and eyed Jungkook suspiciously.

“Are you gonna introduce us or not y/n,” he stated gruffly, you knowing he was just trying to intimidate your date. But of course it worked and Jungkook took a couple steps behind you, trying to play it off. Tugging Jungkook to your side and pushing Yoongi out of the way, to which he scrunched his face in distaste which you ignored with an innocent smile, you introduce him as your date. As the guys move in to shake his hand, Yoongi clapping his back both reassuringly and threateningly, you feel yourself more at ease knowing the guys were just as happy to see you had moved on. Amidst the excited chatter with your date, everyone freezes as they gaze behind you.

“Y/n, I knew I’d see you again.” That voice. The effortlessly enticing and saccharine sound.

Closing your eyes in an attempt to brace yourself you turn around, and there he is.

“Hello Hoseok,” you say quickly forcing a compromising smile.

His eyes quickly glance between you and Jungkook to your intertwined hands, prompting Jungkook to greet him first again.

“Pleasure seeing you here Hoseok,” Jungkook merely nodding rather than extend his hand. You as well as the others witness Jungkook’s actions, a daring move that earns respect from your old friends.

Hoseok twitches in annoyance as his tongue prods at his inner cheek, studying the two of you as if waiting for the opportunity to strike. At the pulsing tension, the other guys surge forward to greet Hoseok instead, momentarily breaking the strain. While they keep Hoseok occupied, you quickly tug on Jungkook’s hand as he follows you towards the bar, averting any further stare-off between them.

xx

The reunion banquet continues with slideshows and fun photo memoirs of the years that your class attended the school. Several embarrassing photos strewn across the hall as Jungkook whipped out his phone to snap several quick pictures for later black-mailing purposes, despite your strenuous efforts to stop him. Both of you maintain a clear distance from Hoseok, avoiding him by all means, and the guys, especially Taehyung and Jimin did a better job of keeping him away. More so, Yoongi kept you and Jungkook company, the two men getting along more than you had hoped and, to some extent you were very happy about their compatibility. After several speeches by Namjoon, former class president of course, and former teachers who you were surprised weren’t retired and living somewhere closer to God’s waiting room, you slip away to the restroom to freshen up.

Squeezing Jungkook’s arm and giving him a quick peck on his cheek while excusing yourself from the table you sat at with the guys and their own dates, you walk towards the women’s room. Before you could push open the door, a hand tightly grips your wrist and pushes you against the wall. Before you could scream out, you realize the hand belonged to Hoseok and instead your fear was replaced with annoyance and exasperation.

As you struggled to free your wrist from his hand, he simply lets go with a smirk played on his face. Yet his eyes hold yours hostage and refraining from losing you push him away. As you begin to walk back, ignoring the urge to wash your hands and spend another moment near him, he stops you with a scoff.

“Y/n, you can’t look like this. No one will ever buy into how you look like this.”

As you turn back around, your expression is completely indifferent and at peace with yourself, all remnants of fear and humiliation dispelled as you finally realize his petty desperation, the pitiful attempt to bring you down like he had done before. Your mind was made and now you had someone you needed to get back to. Looking him square in the eyes, the most self-loving and indulgent smile playing at your lips, you challenge him.

“Oh yeah Hoseok? I’m a lawyer so sue me.”

—

[fly-pow-bye]

Powerpuff Girls 2016 - The Final Stack Up (The Best)

It’s been a good time, friends, but the time has come. Which episodes managed to be great?

Same rules for the worst list apply here, except, of course, I have to say a bad thing about each of these episodes. A lot easier to do than the opposite, sad to say, but I'm not going to let that bother me. Also, I have to reiterate that this is my opinion and my opinion alone. Some may hate one of these episodes, and that's fine. Without further ado, let's look at 10 episodes that managed to get the top spot.

And yes, you can imagine the Cartoon Cartoon Top 5 music here.

The Top 10:

10. The Fog

PPG 2016 never really did a good villain team-up episode. The closest I'd say it ever got to that was one of the comic runs, where the villains all gather together in one big Bureau of Bad…to discuss the times they almost got them like that episode of Batman. There is also this episode, where Mojo Jojo, The Gnat, Bianca and Barbarus Bikini, and nobody else of importance team up to please a rather threatening villain that is more than meets the clouds.

Really, this episode shouldn't be seen as a villain team-up, but as a "Buttercup learns a lesson" episode. At first, it seems to fall into that tired "Buttercup does something bad, her more girly sisters get into trouble because of it, and the tomboy has to save them" plot, but the episode decides to do another twist that is actually pretty satisfying to see.

The episode even ends with a shot of the Powerpuff Girls flying towards a bunch of villains. That would have been a great way to end the reboot, actually; certainly better than Sitcom Dad having a Meet Dave-esque meltdown.

Bad thing: There's a reason why I avoided calling this a real team-up, because they only really team up at the end of the episode. The rest is just the villains trying to beat up the girls solo, or duo in the Fashionista's case, and them getting one-shotted. That should be normal for a Powerpuff Girls battle, but compared to episodes like the original's Meet The Beat-Alls, it's a real missed opportunity.

...also, they completely wasted that yarn villain. If ordinary rope can stop the Powerpuff Girls, this guy should be the Powerpuff Girls new arch-nemesis!

9. Toy Ploy

Going from one episode featuring Discount to another, here's an episode where Jojo decides to interrogate the Powerpuff Girls' toys to find out their biggest weakness. Trust me, it is better than it sounds.

This is another "three shorts" episode, this one using the Powerpuff Girls' favorite toys as its framing device. Blossom has President Dinosaur, who even the episode itself comments is rarely seen in the reboot, Buttercup has Monsieur Ducky, because Buttercup apparently has a soft spot for Ernie from Sesame Street, and Bubbles has Octi, who is revealed to be female in this episode and only this episode.

The Blossom part has a decent plot about Blossom having to deal with a pterodactyl who won't surrender. The Buttercup part is a send up of war documentaries, talking about Buttercup playing pranks as if they were military operations. The Bubbles part is just a little slideshow, but it does have some neat looking drawings, and it concludes with an absolutely adorable ending for the framing device. It's cute, I couldn't hate it.

Bad thing: Blossom's segment is definitely the odd one out, as the story doesn't even involve President Dinosaur until the very end. Not that I hated her part, as mentioned before, but when it doesn't use the framing device, it just makes me think it's an idea they couldn't expand into a full episode. That's what these seem to be, but at least try to hide it!

8. Take Your Kids to Dooms Day

I can see this one's inclusion in my best list as a controversial pick, since there's a major issue with this episode that will turn a lot of people off from it. Namely, and I am going to spoil a major part of this episode here: this episode involves Silico, a villain that was hyped up to oblivion in his first appearance, getting beaten up by someone who is normally a bumbling Sitcom Dad in a ridiculously animated fashion. I was not that bothered by that, though part of that is because he was already ruined by Halt and Catch Silico. This episode doesn't ruin him any more than the revelation that "they broke my toys!" being his reason for being evil.

Also, there's a good reason why I said "in most episodes" in that last paragraph, because this is not a Sitcom Dad episode. Sure, he's a total dork here, but that's still more fitting of the original Professor than being a doormat, saying really bad advice, or just being an oblivious dingus. Okay, sure, there's one scene where the evil plan was outright blurted out to him and he didn't really take it seriously, but I'll take that as a joke. Also, in the way the episode does it, him beating Silico made a little more sense than it seems? He made the suit, of course he could make a better one.

There's also this cute scene where the Powerpuff Girls, obviously disinterested in the Professor's actual job, trying to make their dad look like this cool superhero by making a cheap home movie about him. It even comes with Bubbles holding up a cardboard cutout of Townsville at the beginning of it. Reminds me of that awesome cartoon about three superhero girls fighting crime that aired on Cartoon Network all those times ago. I think it was called "Teamo Supremo."

After that aforementioned "Professor beating up that villain that really deserved better" scene, we get an ending that's only downside is that it has the opposite problem of Memory Lane of Pain's ending: it treats the Professor as a good father figure when every other episode treats him like a Sitcom Dad. I do not see that problem as horrible as that episode's, though. The Professor should be a good father figure and Bubbles shouldn't be an "everyday hero". All in all, I think it's good.

Bad thing: I already mentioned the bad thing, so I will do this minor aside: we learn that Barry's mom is a stay-at-home ninja...who apparently speaks Korean? The show has used Japanese quite a bit before, so it's not that they can't tell the difference.

7. Power-Up Puff

Sure, this episode may be just a way for them to introduce everyone to the hit new accessory that will come with all of these toys, but I can't hate on how they did it. The episode involves Buttercup and Bubbles suddenly getting Green Lantern powers that can easily defeat giant monsters. Blossom feels like the odd one out, as her powers don't seem to show up.

While it is a little predictable how this episode would turn out, even if all the merchandising, promos, and the one episode that aired before this didn't spoil this episode's twist, I can't fault this episode for how it did it. It actually made me feel an emotion other than bewilderment, disgust, or apathy, which is more than I can say for a lot of the early Season 1 episodes.

After I watched this episode, I was worried that they weren't going to use their fists anymore. It turns out they barely even use the aura powers outside of special occasions, so that's all moot. Not much to say, other than this episode isn't too bad.

Bad thing: I get that this episode was supposed to make Blossom feel sad that she doesn't have aura powers, but sometimes it just goes way beyond uncomfortable. This is especially true with this line from the guy I was praising a few paragraphs ago!

Sitcom Dad: We don’t know if you will get powers. You may even lose the powers you already have, and be an ordinary little girl for the rest of your life! Uh, I love you! Good night!

Honestly, I'm surprised I didn't come up with the Sitcom Dad joke sooner than Green Wing.

6. Lights Out!

As implied with my #1 worst, I almost considered putting Find Your Bliss on this list. However, I realized it was really only okay in the beginning, it just had one of the best endings in a show that desperately needed episodes that even ended properly. This is the best Bliss episode, and funnily enough, it's the only one that doesn't have the word Bliss in the title.

Beyond being the best Bliss episode, the episode itself is pretty good, too. It's one of the many, many episodes that involves a science fair, and Bliss is showing off the Buggly, an earpiece that can generate anything! It's all well and good, until the power cuts out and the Bugglies stop working. And then Bliss turns out to be Silico in disguise, as he uses the Bugglies to control all of Townsville. Definitely a step up over his previous appearances, including the aforementioned Take Your Kids To Dooms Day.

This all ends with a surprisingly good fight scene between a trio that can make auras and someone with the power to generate anything, with the telekinetic teleportation girl helping out in various ways. Bliss doesn't heavily overshadow the other three with her ultra-super-duper-powers, something her other episodes definitely don't do. I can understand Power of Four doing it for the vast majority of its runtime to show how cool she is, but Never Been Blissed is basically the Memory Lane of Pain for everyone not named Bliss. They don't go too far in the other direction, either. She's necessary, but not overpowered. Perfectly balanced, that's how it should be.

Bad thing: This is the episode that gave us the term "uphill rollercoaster", a running gag that has no bearing on the plot, and has absolutely no payoff. This can describe a lot of running gags throughout the whole reboot, actually.

5. Home, Sweet Homesick

Starting from here are episodes I felt were genuinely good. Not "good compared to most of the reboot", I mean actually worth a watch. This is the lowest of the 5, but it certainly deserves its spot among the best. See, the episode starts off with Discount Jojo's hand getting broken by Blossom, complete with a bone breaking sound. 10/10, great episode. I'm just kidding, the rest of the episode is good, too.

The funny thing is that this episode essentially has the same moral as Painbow, except done in reverse. In Painbow, Buttercup needs to learn that there's a time for fun and a time to be serious. In this one, it's the complete opposite; Blossom sneers at this fun space camp, and wishes it would be serious. Blossom would be the only kid ever to enjoy Mario is Missing, apparently.

A particular stand-out scene is a musical number that happens right when Blossom goes into space. It's a parody of Space Oddity, and it perfectly fits the episode's tone. I will admit that some of the reboot's musical numbers that don't involve Buttercup grandma beatbox solos are actually quite good by themselves, but this is the only one to be nominated for an Annie. In fact, it's the only Annie this reboot was nominated for; they didn't nominate that horrible princess episode unlike a certain lesser non-animation-related award show. Unlike that one, I could say that nomination was deserved. Maybe not a win, but still.

It's good to see a use of a moral that actually did it justice, and it's good to see Blossom learning to have fun. Kind of wish it sticked, but nothing seems to stick with the Reboot Puffs.

Bad thing: There really isn't a reason why this plot needed to be done with superheroes beyond how she can survive in a rocket without a spacesuit. I have no reason to wonder why this episode starts with a Discount Jojo beatdown. Maybe that's why it's so good; it doesn't feel like a PPG 2016 episode.

4. The Oct-Father

It's amazing to think that an episode I reviewed just over two weeks ago would make this list, and it's easy to see why. What starts out as a decent Godfather parody turns into a psychological thriller, where we get to see what the Powerpuff Girls are from the villain's point of view. Kind of like a version of Taken where we focus on the kidnappers. I always wanted to see that sort of thing; that's one of the reasons why I was intrigued by that Bureau of Bad comic. To make a long story short, I was disappointed with that one, but not with this one.

Princess is running a scheme where she takes kid's toys when they're away from them, and ask them to give her offers that she will probably refuse in exchange for them. She tries this with Octi, and finds out that Bubbles has become a hardcore monotonous vengeance-seeker. We see all of the emotions she goes through with this as she desperately tries to get Bubbles to break with no avail, to the point where she breaks. It's entertaining, and it made me want to know what's coming next.

This is the best episode of Season 3, though it's not the best Princess episode, believe it or not! Princess is one of the few original villains that the reboot has not ruined, and this episode isn't the only example of that.

Bad thing: No, I don't think asking Bubbles for Octi would have her give it to you, ending.

3. Poorbucks

As hinted before, "character development" is practically non-existent in PPG 2016. It's sort of ironic; as most western cartoons of the 10s tended to go towards arcs, PPG 2016 was perfectly happy by being episodic and having everything go back to the status quo. If Blossom learned how to have fun, she ended up hating fun in the next episode. If Buttercup learned anything, pfft. This episode felt like a glimpse into a universe where PPG 2016 was like other cartoons that were airing in 2016.

Princess' father's company's stocks go down by a lot, causing her to become poor enough for her to beg the Powerpuff Girls to have her live in their home. Bubbles and Buttercup disagree with having this person who wanted to tear down their house a day ago live with them, but Blossom wants to bring out the good in her. After many nights of her being annoying, Blossom and Princess eventually bond over business, and we get a tease of a Princess face turn. They seemed to do that a lot in this reboot, but this is the episode where it felt genuine.

With that plot, a really cute musical number in the style of Schoolhouse Rock, and an ending that is downright heartwarming, this episode is worth of the number 3 spot. The saddest thing is that this wasn't a Season 3 episode; it was a Season 1 episode, during a time where people could have thought this was just like Steven Universe's more episodic Season 1. It really made me think this show was going to go places, and while it's disappointing that they never really went anywhere with it, I can't fault this episode for it.

Bad thing: Gotta love that character that only existed as an excuse for Princess to be evil again! And by love, I mean loathe. I don't need to mention his name, because that's all he did.

2. Fashion Forward

Out of all of the new villains, the Fashionistas are easily the best out of all of them in practice. The only problem I have with them is the lack of in-universe explanation of why she's paired up with a giant pink gorilla. Sure, she's a good excuse for this team to be any sort of threat to the Powerpuff Girls, but is there any other reason? The best we get is that Bianca considers Barbarus her "sister" in Bridezilla, already implied by her having the same last name. Whatever, that's beyond the scope of this list.

A new brand of scarves designed by these fashionistas becomes the latest fashion trend, and the Powerpuff Girls are denied them by their father figure because the Fashionistas are sending the wrong messages. Blossom seems to be the one that agrees with him the most until her peers in the student council decide to kick her out. Will she disobey her father? It is a good premise that ties into the superhero element of the show very well.

This episode is also one of the good Sitcom Dad episodes, to the point where I could call him Professor Utonium here, too. He becomes active in trying to get Blossom to learn the lesson he was trying to teach them, to the point where he is the major player in taking down the Fashionista's big evil plan. It's not a bad lesson, either: don't bow down to peer pressure, and looks aren't necessarily everything as much as the Fashionistas say it is.

This is the best episode of Season 1, though I would say it is a very close call with Poorbucks. This was the first episode that really stuck out to me as a episode I would watch again, and that meant it was downhill from there...except for one certain episode in Season 2.

Bad thing: As much as the Sitcom Dad's antics here don't bother me as much as certain other episodes, it just seemed ridiculous that him saving the day was more of an accident than anything. If one argues that he accidentally did it because he accidentally hit the Chemical X...he didn't, Jojo pushed him into it. I hope they still remember that.

Honorable Mentions:

Blundercup - I can see why people would hate this episode due to the odd premise of Buttercup turning into butter, but I actually found it interesting. We see a villain with lousy powers take the abilities of the extremely overpowered by normal superhero standards Buttercup, and Buttercup has to beat this villain with those lousy powers. In a way, it reminds me of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, and anything that reminds me of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure needs to be in this list.

Splitsville - Here's another three shorts episode that was actually pretty good, with a neat idea for an ending! Too bad the Blossom part had that one scene, though. You'll know when you'll see it.

Our Brand Is Chaos - An excellent idea for an episode: Blossom going to all-but-said-to-be-Hell, and taking it over in her own way. Execution can use some work and it needed a better B plot, but still.

Man Up 2: Still Man-ing - This episode got a Neutral Buttercup when I reviewed it, but I can admit it grew on me over time. The minions, the motives, that killer vehicle Manboy has in this episode and only this episode, an actual fight scene in Season 1, I'd say this episode is a stand-out now.

Small World - This may be the only episode longer than 12 minutes I didn't hate at any point, though one part is a little disappointing than anything else. I was actually a bit intrigued with how the Powerpuff Girls could stop this Cheery Gumdrop Villain. Okay, maybe that villain wasn't that great, but still.

The Trouble With Bubbles - This episode could be a dishonorable mention as well, though I wouldn't call it a bad episode by any stretch of the imagination. It was so close to being an legitimately great episode, but it was ruined by the poor direction of the second half. What could have been great serious scenes are played for laughs for no reason. For a reboot that seems to love to have the "there's a time to be serious, and a time to be funny" moral, the reboot itself seems to need it the most!

Now that that's out of the way, here is a little backstory to this #1 pick. I watched quite a few episodes in Turkish. I will not say how, but I will say why: because episodes of PPG 2016 tend to air in other countries long before they get aired here, and getting a early look really helps with writing reviews even if I couldn't understand the language. When I saw this one in particular, I was convinced that this could either be the best episode of the reboot, or an episode that's almost worthy of being the best, and I only needed to know what they were saying to find out which. And, sure enough...

1. Bubbles The Blue

Much like Home Sweet Homesick, this episode was all about feelings. Specifically, this episode is about Bubbles being sad for some reason, and Blossom and Buttercup try to figure out ways to cheer her up. In a way, both of them end up missing the point. Here's a big hint to that: this episode is actually about depression. Not just being sad, but about the actual medical condition. That's not just one of my wacky theories, either; it's been confirmed to be about depression, and, for once, I sincerely believe that, because, unlike certain episode, they hit it out of the park with this one.

Buttercup deals with this in over the top ways, like stealing happy ray guns from Discount Jojo. Blossom, on the other hand, is just thinking it's something she did. In a way, Blossom is even more hurtful than Buttercup, as she eventually outright says that Bubbles must be doing this solely for attention, a sadly common line people with depression have to deal with. I've already detailed a lot of what this episode does right in my review of it, but there's one other aspect that needs to be highlighted.

Unlike Home Sweet Homesick, it seamlessly ties this serious message with the Powerpuff Girls' usual superhero setting. While they're trying to figure out what's wrong with Bubbles, Blossom and Buttercup keep getting interrupted by a giant armadillo that's destroying the city. We later learn that the armadillo actually has his own emotional problems, and only Bubbles could understand him. How does Bubbles get involved when she's constantly moping on the bed? Simple: the Professor decides to give her a talk about how it's okay to be sad sometimes. It's like he's an adult!

Best episode of Season 2, best episode of the reboot, way better than I thought it would ever be, and it might even crack the Top 50 Best Powerpuff Girls Episodes if I included episodes of the original. Okay, maybe I wouldn't go that far. Maybe.

Bad thing: I get what they were doing with Buttercup's character in this, but some of her antics are just not funny. One of the worst examples of this is right at the end, where she outright ruins the mood of what would have been a great final shot. This is especially bad when good final shots is something this reboot is starved for.

Well, that's it for the stack ups, but there's still two questions I need to answer.

How do the seasons stack up?

Season 1 is the season most people will think about when they think of this show, to the reboot's detriment. It was a growing period for the show, and "growing pains" would be an understatement. This was the season that brought us the twerking scenes, the references to internet memes, the Nike swoosh fight scenes, and 6 of the episodes on my worst list. Some may argue that Season 1's bumbling incompetency may be more interesting than the mediocrity that plagues most of Season 2 and 3. I disagree.

Season 2 is an improvement over Season 1 in every way. They toned down the meme references to the point where I can only think of that one reference to the late Grumpy Cat. It didn't have any twerking from the Puffs, and the crime fighting increased by quite a bit. Also, they didn't misspell the word "storyboarded by" in the credits at any point, which is an improvement over Season 1. It's not enough for a Happy, though.

Season 3 is a slight improvement over Season 2, if not as significant between the jump between Season 1 and 2. I would say that it did have a few more guilty pleasure episodes in my opinion, though they did not make the Top 10. It did give us its best special, as easy as that merit is, and it's good to see that the show didn't deteriorate like most last seasons. Sadly, it's not enough for me to consider giving it the Happy.

It is interesting to see the slight improvement over each season, which is sort of a tragedy considering the reboot is often represented by that No Me Gusta face it pulled in the first season. Sure, there were some rather ugly face faults in later episodes, but nothing got as bad as that. Speaking of which, I must answer one last question:

Was PPG 2016 really that bad?

It's not the absolute worst show that has ever aired on Cartoon Network; I'd rather watch this over Problem Solverz or Pet Alien. When it comes to The Powerpuff Girls...yeah, it's not a pretty comparison, let's leave it at that.

I'll say this: PPG 2016 is the worst of the three Cartoon Network reboots by a considerable margin. Teen Titans Go, while everyone loves to hate it, does have its moments of pure comedic gold, and it had a great movie. Ben 10 2016, from all I've seen, is a pretty good kid's action cartoon, and I have heard it's actually really good after the first season. Only time will tell if it compares favorably to Thundercats Roar, if that show ever gets to exist.

After watching every episode of this reboot, I can say that if I decided to stop watching the show after that twerking panda episode, I would have missed a little bit of content that is of at least decent quality. Unfortunately, that is a small minority of episodes in a muck of episodes that are mediocre at best.

It's not that bad, it's just not good. Watch the original series, watch the movie, watch that 2010 Powerpuff Girls Rule special, and give this one a pass. One may miss out on some decent episodes, but in the end, ignorance is bliss.

For those who read my reviews since the beginning, those who just found me because of these lists, and everyone in-between: thank you.

Hurrah for Cartoon Network and the Powerpuff Girls. Bye.

← The Final Stack Up (The Worst) ☆ n/a →

[irelise]

the yew tree - part ii

Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier, Sebastian Shaw/Charles Xavier Additional Tags: Secrets, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Canon-typical references to human experimentation, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Plot Twists, Referenced anti-semitism, Seduction, Possessive Erik, Jealousy, Suicide, Suicide ideation, Depression, Child Abuse, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Master/Servant

      Summary:            

Erik has worked with Sebastian Shaw, mutant revolutionary, ever since Shaw rescued him from human experimentation when he was a boy. He is reluctantly enlisted to assist in Shaw’s newest scheme: seducing the wealthy and enigmatic Lord Xavier and claiming his vast fortune. With Shaw posing as Xavier’s doctor, Erik goes undercover as Xavier’s personal manservant to convince him to fall in love with Shaw.

But Xavier has secrets of his own, and it isn’t long before Erik starts having second thoughts about the whole thing…

(the handmaiden inspired au - no canon knowledge required)

Notes: remember when i said the yew tree was on hiatus? I LIED, writing bug suddenly bit, thank you lovely commenters! Next update might be a bit late in coming since I might start working on XMDP fic instead but we’ll see how it goes!

The full chapter is linked above, but for the people reading along on Tumblr as I update, this post includes part 2.8-2.9 and wraps up part ii, bringing us to the present day where we left off in part i!

Warnings for this part: suicide ideation, sexual exploitation, depression, referenced human experimentation Rating: M Word count: 3814

8. Leather straps around his wrists, holding him down. Something is being forced into his mouth, prying his lips apart; he tries to bite down, but he can’t, he’s trapped, he can’t do anything – One of the whitecoats looms over him, steel glinting in its hands; he paws clumsily at the metal, but it won’t respond, why isn’t it responding? Go away, he wants to shout, but he can’t form words. All he can do is shout in pain and fear and anger–

–A cry shatters the silence. His own cry, jolting himself awake. Charles sits up and rubs the back of his hand down his face.

He’s in his bedroom. It was only a dream-memory.

…But it did not belong wholly to him. There’s another mind nearby, fumbling and cursing in the dark, startled awake by Charles’ cry.

Erik.

The memory was his. And yet – it’s so familiar, Charles’ memories and Erik’s memories mingling, overlapping, the same pain, the same fear. I understand you, Charles says silently, although he doesn’t dare reach out. I’ve felt what you’ve felt. You’re not alone.

Charles takes a slow breath, smoothing away the sudden welling of emotion into quiet serenity, his gaze drifting to the window. He has a role to play. Not much time now; first impressions are everything, and he’s more determined than ever before to charm Erik over to his side. Wryly, Charles thinks he may be more of a romantic than he had realized. His foray into Erik’s dreams had been brief and unintentional, but it had sparked something, a feeling of connection…

No time now. Focus.

Right on cue, the door slams open. Charles’ breath catches silently in his throat.

None of Shaw’s memories had prepared him for the way Erik’s mind blazes.

***

The thing is, Charles has lived his entire life playing different roles: the bright young scholar, the pliant test subject, the enigmatic reader soft-voiced and alluring. He knows how to charm and flatter and entice. Sometimes he even enjoys it.

Being with Erik should be no different. Even setting aside his telepathy, Charles has eyes; he’s seen the way Erik’s gaze lingers on him when he thinks Charles isn’t looking. Erik is attracted to him and Charles subtly encourages it, using all the tricks Uncle had taught him, paired with the things he had picked up on his own through the books. He takes every opportunity he can to bite his lips red and flush, to let his tongue dart teasingly out, and from beneath his lashes he watches as Erik’s pupils dilate.

Yet Erik never takes advantage. Erik is always so very proper, so careful. His mind is a steel fortress lined with razor barbs of pain and anger, but underneath it all is a brightness Charles is irresistibly drawn to. Can he be blamed? He’s never met anyone who burns with such intensity as Erik does. He’s never met anyone with such a fierce desire to protect. Never again, Erik’s thoughts rumble. He will never allow another mutant to suffer as he had.

Sometimes Charles loves him for it. Sometimes he imagines Erik as his protector, fearsome and implacable.

Sometimes Charles is bitter, resentful, ashamed. Erik had gone through so much, but he’s not broken like Charles is.

No depth to him at all, Shaw says of Erik, and Charles wonders how he could be so wrong when he had practically raised Erik. But Charles bites his tongue. He needs to pick his battles wisely; he can’t let Shaw suspect that he sees Erik as anything more than a stepping stone to his freedom.

Neither can he let Erik suspect that he’s working with Shaw, or the fate Shaw has planned for him. Erik is a good man – Charles believes that with all his heart. He is a better man than Charles is. But he is also such an uncompromising man, the planes of his mind beautifully harsh and stark. He believes in fairness. Justice.

Vengeance.

If Erik learns the truth, it’ll be the end of Charles’ plans to quietly disappear, and Charles is selfish enough that he won’t risk it.

Hence his current efforts to temper Erik’s fire. Erik is determined to see him as a spoiled, selfish noble, so Charles does his best to be the opposite of that, freely offering the only things about him that have any value: his books, his knowledge, his body. Erik wants to pick a fight, so Charles meets his anger with serenity instead, willingly exposing his weaknesses – some of his weaknesses – in hopes of cultivating trust.

It works. He thinks. Erik thaws to him, quicker than he had anticipated, and for a few guilty days Charles wonders if he has been influencing Erik unintentionally, the noxious, uncontrollable poison of his telepathy rooting around Erik’s skull to destroy the brilliant spark of individuality inside. But when he reaches out, ever so carefully – because Charles can never leave things well enough alone – he finds the architecture of Erik’s mind unchanged. He thinks.

(The terrifying thing about his power is that it’s so insidious, he can never be entirely sure. Charles spends most of that day laid up in bed with a migraine, heartsick, wishing he could just make his telepathy – stop. If he tries hard enough, can he control his own mind? Can he shut down his own physiological systems, one by one?

Or perhaps that’s a philosophical question. After all, every human has control over their own mind. He wonders what Erik would think.)

“I didn’t think it was possible, but your migraines seem to be growing more frequent, even with my medication,” Shaw observes during one of their sessions. He pushes a cup of hibiscus tea at Charles, dark and red.

“It’s not so surprising. They’re exacerbated by strong emotions. Stress.”

Shaw chuckles. “Stress? What do you have to be stressed about? All you have to do is make doe eyes at me while Erik is watching and I’ll take care of the rest. Unless he’s starting to suspect?”

“No, you did an excellent job picking him. He really is quite honest. Too honest for suspicion.”

And Charles really should shut his mouth and leave it there, but he holds the belief that everyone, including Erik, including Shaw, including himself, everyone is capable of making the right choices. Of choosing the better path. It’s a belief he had cultivated with grim determination through the years, although perhaps it’s less a belief and more a survival mechanism. After all, as he had told Erik, if he can’t have hope then what else does he have left?

So he says: “I’m surprised you’re willing to use him like this. His power is remarkable, and he’s completely devoted to your cause. You’re sure you want to go through with this?”

Shaw’s eyes narrow, pinning him in place, and Charles instantly knows he’s mis-stepped. “Sounds like you’re the one having second thoughts.” Shaw’s tone is deceptively pleasant. “Don’t forget why Erik’s here. He thinks he’s helping me con you out of your fortune, and after that, he’s happy to look the other way while I snap your neck. You think he’s a good man? You want to spare him?”

Charles flinches as Shaw forces a barrage of images at him, each bloodier than the last. The vivid splash of red against concrete. Steel, groaning, screaming. The humans have been subdued already, they could easily take the mutant captives and escape, but the Erik in Shaw’s memories is raising one hand high up, holding It aloft. Don’t do this! Charles shouts instinctively, but the past cannot be changed; Erik’s hand closes into a fist, white-knuckled, and metal crumples everywhere. Shaw’s memories linger especially lovingly over the sounds that echo through the compound, the noises of agony, the quiet pleas for help, for mercy.

The silence.

It’s tempting to slam up his mental walls, but Charles forces himself to watch every single memory Shaw is throwing at him. He needs to learn all of Erik, the darkness and the light both.

“Still think he deserves your pity?” Shaw sneers. He tosses one last image at Charles, of a bloodied, twitching hand, a human still alive under a pile of rubble, desperately reaching out. The Erik in his memory strides past without a backwards glance. “He’d do the same thing to you right now if I ask him to, because he thinks you’re a worthless human. He’ll never value you for anything except your mutation.”

Only because that’s what you’ve taught him, but that isn’t entirely fair. Erik is an adult who knows his own mind. Some part of him genuinely agrees with Shaw’s philosophy.

But Charles doesn’t intend to give up. He’s seen so much good in Erik, so much light. He’s seen his longing for a family and he’s personally witnessed evidence of a nurturing spark in Erik. Erik’s calloused hands have always been careful and gentle as they tend to Charles, even though according to Shaw he’s nothing but a worthless human. He thinks about Erik fussing over him after one of his migraines in his gruff, understated way, and Charles feels his chest constrict.

Some part of Erik wants peace, he knows it. He’ll do anything to give it to Erik.

He meets Shaw’s contemptuous gaze. “It’s no worse than what you and I are planning to do to him,” Charles says evenly.

“You calling this whole thing off?”

“No. I wish – no.” He’s shown too much of his hand. “I’m sorry, I’m just not very good with violence.”

Shaw watches him with open suspicion. Charles hesitates, but only for a second. Then he reaches out.

Forget.

***

Another day, the curtains drawn, lying in bed, trying not to move or even breathe, pain stabbing dully through his skull. So bloody useless, laid up in bed all the time, his thoughts snarl, and Charles tries to bury the wave of self-loathing that sweeps through him, knowing that any emotion will only worsen the migraine.

In times like these, he allows his telepathy to drift, leaving his body a mindless, insensate mass on the bed. Today, however, he’s trapped in his own head, thoughts chasing each other around in endless circles.

You’ll need to tell him the truth soon.

He’ll hate me.

It’s what you deserve.

That’s hardly fair; he’s lying to me too. We’re both lying to each other.

Not to the same degree! He’s an honest man by nature. You, you’ve never once shown him your true face.

But that’s not entirely right. He had been playing a role in the beginning, yes, trying to lure Erik in, but even then… It hadn’t entirely been a lie. And it certainly isn’t one now, when Charles has only been acting in the ways that come to him most naturally instead of tailoring every action to draw Erik deeper into his web. There’s nothing at all false about their light banter over breakfast and dinner. He certainly isn’t holding back during their nightly debates. If anything, Charles has been more honest than he means to be, unable to stop himself from slipping little hints that things in the mansion – things about himself – are not quite right. He feels like he’s simultaneously torn between pleading for Erik to notice something is wrong and covering Erik’s eyes with his hands so Erik can leave the mansion never, ever realizing the truth behind all that time he spends with Uncle.

The only lies he’s telling now are ones of omission.

But they’re still lies.

It won’t make a difference to him. He’s been hurt by so many people already, why should he forgive you?

As if summoned by his thoughts (please, God, no, he doesn’t want to tarnish Erik’s beautiful mind), there’s a light rap on his bedroom door, and Erik lets himself in quietly.

One of the things Charles loves most about Erik is that he doesn’t hover. He can feel concern radiating from Erik’s mind, but Erik knows noise and movement make the migraine worse, so he’s quiet and self-contained as he leaves more water by Charles’ bedside along with a small plate of nuts and crackers, foods which help with Charles’ nausea – he wonders where Erik had learnt that.

“You need anything?” Erik asks, very softly.

Charles musters a wan smile, even though the small movement of turning his head to look at Erik sends pain stabbing through his temples. “No, thank you.”

And that’s it. Erik doesn’t fret over Charles, allowing him to keep what little dignity he has left. He leaves as quietly as he had come, and Charles closes his eyes again.

How can Shaw be so wrong about Erik? Erik is so loyal to him, so determined to repay his perceived debt, yet Shaw’s only thoughts are of how best to use Erik and how best to dispose of him now that Erik is starting to become a threat to his power.

Charles wants so badly to save Erik.

And he can do it right now if he really wanted to. Erik can save himself. All he has to do is tell Erik the truth.

The thought of confessing makes his heart clench, pulse skyrocketing. Pain flares, so bad that Charles almost clutches his head, but he forces himself to stay motionless.

He’s too weak; he can’t do it. Erik will be furious. He’ll be a force of nature unleashed on the mansion, trampling all of Charles’ plans into rubble. Charles has only just started thinking about what life outside the mansion might be like. How it would feel to meet other mutants, to have Erik introducing him to other mutants. Erik had brought him hope, but Charles can see it all fading away before his eyes, the dark branches of the yew tree caging him in once more.

No. Erik had brought him hope. Charles is not ready to let go of it yet. There must be some way they can stay together.

***

The problem, as Charles sees it, is that even though they’re growing closer by the day, they’re still not quite close enough. Erik doesn’t trust him with the truth, and in a way, neither does Charles. They need more time to learn each other.

Or, maybe they need a catalyst to break down some of the walls between them.

It’s Shaw who ends up providing that push. The man had been demanding they do more and more to convince Erik they’re falling in love and ready to elope, and finally Charles – desperate for something to change – acquiesces to unbuttoning his shirt and clambering onto the table as he feels Erik’s mind approach. Shaw stoops over him, and Charles can’t control the panicked spike of his pulse, the awareness of his vulnerability as Shaw’s hand glides over his bared chest. His skin crawls.

He has never been more relieved when Erik interrupts.

And that relief turns to joy, to wonder, when Erik finally, finally trusts him with his mutation. Even hours later, Charles’ eyes grow wet with emotion when he remembers that moment. The spark of hope he’s been nursing grows, still fragile, but the possibility of peace seems less remote than before.

With that first barrier down, more follow swiftly. Charles longs to ask Erik endless questions about his power, but he’s spent so much time being poked and prodded at by Uncle and his associates that he’d never do the same to another person. Each time Erik trusts him enough to demonstrate his powers is a precious gift, and Charles tucks each and every instance away as a cherished moment.

Gradually, Erik grows more at ease. He never spends much time discussing his own mutation, but sometimes he slips in little comments: No need to keep looking for your pen, I can sense it rolled behind your desk there or All this picking up after you almost makes me wish I had telekinesis instead, I know a girl with that power.

One night, Charles’ caution slips for just a second and he asks: “Do you know many other mutants, Erik?”

Erik instantly freezes, but then he jerks his head in a nod. “I worked with an all-mutant group. We had all sorts there.”

Charles smiles. Gently now, mustn’t make Erik clam up again. “You must miss them terribly. I can’t imagine this mansion has much to offer in comparison.”

He’s been dropping openings here and there lately, giving Erik opportunities to admit to the true purpose behind his presence at the mansion. But Erik’s loyalty to Shaw – or perhaps his distrust of humans – holds too strong. Charles takes it as a sign that they aren’t ready for the whole truth yet.

Erik crosses his long legs, still cautious, but not entirely unwilling to talk. “They’re getting along fine without me.”

“That has nothing at all to do with the question of whether or not you miss them,” Charles says, gently chiding.

“We weren’t exactly friends.”

“But you must still care for them.”

“…I do.” Erik looks a little surprised at his own admission, his mouth quirking. “You’d enjoy meeting them.”

It’s not the first time Erik has raised the subject of life outside the mansion. And, like every time before that, Charles bites his lip and tries to calm the nervous jump of his pulse. “If they’re anything like you, I certainly will.”

“Some of them are. But we’ve got a few kids with us too. You’d get along, you could hold story time with them with all that poetry of yours.”

Erik’s eyes bore into his. He’s not the only one probing for answers here. Charles meets his eyes levelly, not hiding the quiet sorrow he feels.

Someday soon, all their secrets will come spilling out into the open and perhaps that will be the end of everything. But for now, he’ll cherish the time they have left to them.

“Tell me more about the children?”

Erik’s expression softens. “They’re wonderful. Strong, tough. There’s a little girl we rescued, right before I had to leave…”

The pictures Erik paints for him are vivid: mutant children, just coming into their powers, getting into scraps and mischief like any other children do. It’s clear that Erik loves them, but there’s a bittersweet flavour to his thoughts, a resigned belief that these children will grow up to be soldiers.

Charles would happily listen to Erik talking all night, but Erik is ever mindful of the time, and before long he’s chivvying him to bed. “Get some sleep, Charles, you know you get migraines if you stay up too late.”

“I wouldn’t mind, it seems like a fair trade. I quite enjoy listening to you talk.”

“You’re being ridiculous.” Erik’s mind sparks with fondness. Charles firmly shoves down the urge to step closer and kiss the teasing smirk off his face.

“Maybe just a little. Help me get ready for bed?”

“Yes, sir.”

Erik helps him with his clothes as he always does. Charles stands still under his hands as Erik’s clever fingers undo button after button, brisk but gentle as he strips Charles of the layers that cover him. He’s nothing like Uncle. The thrum of his mind is all business with just a touch of appreciation, his desire buried deep.

Charles draws in a shallow breath. He knows the dangers of his powers, but Erik…

He loves watching Erik move. He loves watching the play of expressions across Erik’s face, from the dry little smiles to the looks of intense focus. He loves watching the motions of Erik’s long, deft fingers, whether they’re busy undressing him or motioning some metal implement over to his side, flexing his power as easily as breathing.

Erik’s love of his own mutation and his high regard for his fellow mutants is infectious. Inspiring.

For the first time, Charles allows himself to want.

***

The next day he wakes with his heart in his throat and the panicked realization they’re fast running out of time.

***

The corset is constricting, but it’s not the worst thing he’s ever worn, and it’s certainly no worse than the attention of the men battering down on him as he sits there and reads with the painted red smile on his face and his heart racing in fear.

What’s wrong with him tonight? His telepathy – he can’t maintain the distance he needs tonight, can’t maintain his focus.

My body is not my own.

Uncle is watching.

My body is not my own. He sees himself being shoved down onto his knees, a hand fisting in his hair, his breeches yanked down. Charles blinks. No, he’s still at the lectern – that was just, just someone’s fantasies, someone in the fourth row, there…

Uncle is watching. His heavy brow is drawn together in a frown. Charles has paused on his current line for a beat too long.

My body is not my own. He shouldn’t care about any of this. He’s been subject to so much worse before.

God. What would Erik think?

Uncle watches. Charles fights to keep the tremble from his voice.

Hands groping at his chest. A heavy body on top of his. His own voice, wailing like a child, crying and pleading, until someone draws a knife across his throat in a gush of red.

He keeps reading.

Eventually, he manages to drift away, and it becomes easier after that.

***

Afterwards, Uncle says: “We’ll talk after I return from my business trip.”

Charles bows his head. Uncle doesn’t know. There will be no after. He’ll be gone by then, one way or the other.

The guests had dispersed already. All that’s left is for Charles to make his way back to his rooms, back to where Erik and their tangle of secrets and fragile hopes wait.

Instead, his feet carry him towards the yew tree. He lifts his head to face the sky, the wind ruffling through his hair. Overhead the moon is large and bright, beckoning to him through the gaps in the yew’s branches, whispering sweetly of freedom.

Tonight was the last time he had to read for Uncle. One way or the other.

 9. “I have something to tell you.” In the warmth of their shared bed, Erik’s expression is both pained and grimly resolved. “Shaw and I, Dr. Schmidt and I, we’ve been working together all along. He’s planning to kill you.”

Charles’ heart soars, whether in perfect joy or perfect fear, he doesn’t know. This is it. Erik has given him the truth.

“We–” Erik begins, but Charles cradles his face, pulling him in for a swift kiss. It may be their last. He focuses on the feeling of Erik’s lips, his skin, the brightness of his mind, searing it all into his memory. Whatever happens, he will cherish this.

“I know,” Charles says. “There’s also something I have to tell you.”

[batterymonster2021]

51% Attack, Free Speech Under Attack? | Hodler's Digest

New Post has been published on https://hititem.kr/51-attack-free-speech-under-attack-hodlers-digest/

51% Attack, Free Speech Under Attack? | Hodler's Digest

My fellow american citizens, tonight i’m speaking to you considering the fact that there is a growing humanitarian and security concern in our southern border. The U.S. Executive will have been shut down for a long time but Cointelegraph didn’t take any breaks, we’re the hardest working staff within the crypto trade. This week, the Winklevii confirmed in an AMA their dedication to a Bitcoin ETF; japanese regulators, then again, denied rumors they had been on account that approving Bitcoin ETFs. Additionally this week, a 51% assault hits Ethereum traditional, right wingers love free speech and Bitcoin, 70% of imperative banks are interested in CBDCs, and Fortnite hasnt fairly embraced the crypto future. Women and gentlemen, Im Molly Jane and this is your weekly Hodlers Digest. After attaining the $4,000 benchmark final Sunday, Bitcoin might not hold it for long. Lets have a appear on the contemporary market updates.On the fifth of January, major crypto alternate Coinbase detected an assault being carried out against Ethereum basic, a cryptocurrency generated through an Ethereum fork, leading to of loss of reportedly over $1 million valued at crypto. Consistent with Coinbase, a malicious agent took manipulate of over 50% of the blocks making up the Ethereum Classics network, main to a so-called chain reorganization, in which nearly half 1,000,000 greenbacks valued at tokens were spent twice. The assault was once later tested by means of researchers at crypto exchange Gate.Io and chinese safety firm Slowmist. With a view to safeguard its shoppers, Coinbase, Kraken and other crypto exchanges have quickly suspended Ethereum basic deposits and withdrawals. A fifty one% assaults refers to a distinct entity taking manipulate of more than the 50 percentage of the blockchain community, which is able to lead to the falsification of transactions and permit double spending. Even though they occur rather rarely, fifty one% attacks are visible by means of many as a major hazard undermining the success of blockchain science.In the wake of the and so on attack, creator of Litecoin Charlie Lee underlined blockchains intrinsic vulnerability to fifty one% assaults. He stated: with the aid of definition, a decentralized cryptocurrency have got to be prone to 51% assaults whether by hashrate, stake, and/or other permissionless-acquirable assets. If a crypto can’t be fifty one% attacked, it is permissioned and centralized. Different authorities cited that whilst 51% attacks are certainly a chance for somewhat small altcoins such as and so forth, they are unlikely to have an impact on higher players comparable to Bitcoin and Ethereum, as that would require a ways larger quantities of hashrate. We talked to Nir Kabessa, president of the group Blockchain at Columbia at Columbia university, and asked him to give us his point of view on the drawback.I feel it turns into enormously problematic to do something like that to a sequence the scale of Bitcoin and Ethereum. But when there may be some thing that this assault has showed us is that it is feasible that it could happen to a prime blockchain. A good-revered blockchain with gigantic amount of miner neighborhood and developer neighborhood. So yeah, I consider above all Ethereum traditional was prone to whatever like this given that of the maximalism and fundamentalism of Ethereum traditional. The fact that they’re giant proponents of immutability, I think makes them form of a reputational target for a 51 percentage attack to type of prove that they’re now not a hundred percent immutable and that matters may also be converted or reorganized. I think there is obviously room for Ethereum classic sooner or later of blockchain. However severe alterations will must be made and new factors to use Ethereum traditional over different chains will need to come out. There will must be new aggressive advantages in one way or another to Ethereum traditional due to the fact one of their strong fits was protection and immutability and that is an argument that they just cannot make to the same full extent anymore.After the attack, the status of Ethereum traditional looks critically compromised. We also talked to Ethereum classic developers Donald McIntyre and Zach Belford and asked them to remark on the accident. Its a fallacy to say that on the grounds that and so forth has been attacked that suggests a proof of labor is just not comfortable. That is ridiculous. In phrases of what we spoke about, what to do. The first thing was to do the postmortem and we did that assembly today and we’re gonna do a couple of extra conferences to continue analyzing the main issue. One concrete protection advice is to use from two thousand five hundred to 5 thousand confirmations for medium or significant transactions, gain knowledge of that probability to put in force a deep reorg safeguard in and so on which I suppose is not likely given that additionally it is something that is untested but it surely’s something that is underneath evaluation. Then, to set a limit on the highest measurement of the dag is another thing. We will be able to not follow any changes unexpectedly without proper research. So there have been double spends and there have been victims of this attacker that’s some thing that we’re not going to revert on change.Of direction we can aid with knowledge to regulation enforcement or if there is any investigation. But the trade is in no way going to be reverted. In the early days of Bitcoin, it was once getting fifty one% attacked at all times. All proof-of-work cryptocurrencies can be fifty one% attacked. Ethereum traditional is obviously no longer the most cost effective one to 51% assault however the reality of the subject is that our hash premiums is 4% of Ethereum and it’s been that for a very long time. The point there is that we isn’t watching at making protocol changes in times of main issue. That is anything that is a part of proof-of-work. I believe that probably the most matters that’s going to reaffirm trust within the group is that there had been a variety of blockchains that have been fifty one% attacked within the last yr or two and a variety of them have answered with protocol degree changes which to me shows numerous immaturity and a lot of simply now not knowing or not understanding what proof-of-work is and how where this genuinely stems from and why.Technically according to the protocol it is now not an assault. It can be part of the protocol. Up to date reviews claiming that the standard online game Fortnite is accepting Monero for on-line repayments grew to become out to be unfounded. The crypto group used to be full of pleasure when Monero CEO Riccardo Spagni announced on Twitter that Fortnite will take delivery of Monero as a fee system for its merch retailer. However, a couple of days later, CEO of Epic games Tim Sweeney refuted the rumors in a tweet, defining the adoption of Monero purely as unintentional. With its over one hundred twenty five million registered avid gamers, Fortnite would have performed a predominant function in pioneering the integration of crypto within the gaming enterprise. In the final few years, other makes an attempt to combine the sector of video video games with blockchain technological know-how became out triumphant. One of the crucial earliest illustration of crypto-video games is Dragons story, a 3D on-line game released in 2013 wherein players can stake Bitcoin at the same time competing in a style of mini challenges.Marking a deeper integration of blockchain into gaming, the card trading recreation Spells of Genesis was once released in September 2016. This was the primary game to use the Bitcoin blockchain to retailer the collectible cards at the core of the game. However neither of the earlier recounted games can healthy the fame of Crypto Kitties, the first Ethereum-centered video game. The Ethereum blockchain is on the core of Crypto Kitties, because it serves to guarantee the uniqueness of each and every digital cat owned by using the players. Nonetheless, while blockchain remains to be to obtain traction as a specific sport-play modifier, on the sport builders side there is some exciting news. After raising $forty million in dollars last September, Cocos Blockchain expedition, a sport development platform developed on blockchain, launched its testnet last week. Cocos Blockchain expedition or Cocos – BCX is built with the Cocos engine, the highest game engine in Asia and number 2 in the world by way of market share, objectives to create an open procedure the place developers can create and test video games constructed on unique blockchains.To extra enhance the combination of video video games and crypto, main companies in both sectors got here together final September to kind the Blockchain recreation Alliance. The workforce includes massive names reminiscent of Consensys, Everdreamsoft and the French gaming big Ubisoft. One factor that blockchain is fairly just right at is presents value to persons. The transparency, the immutability, so all those points furnish a ability to create new facets and those facets are excellent for gamers. For example, if i am a participant and say I watch an commercial, like I do with the cell phone for some video games, I acquire credits however on a platform that you could virtually receive some tokens and people tokens you need to use them to buy games can use them to buy a event and tendencies. For illustration, If I come to a decision as a participant to take part in a beta scan, i will be able to take part and i receives a commission for it by means of the developer in tokens once more. So all those mechanism provide me as a participant the capacity to earn forex or cash and i will use that money to without a doubt purchase anything i would like. We’re working to allow humans to make tokens, to create their art.Now it’s visual artwork however as time goes, it may be extra things like stages or sounds or special elements. And the game creator us right here can be more like a moderator, like an orchestra, anyone who will control the orchestra. We are shaping our product to allow humans to contribute, to have a marketplace so persons can enrich the game in a technique that we even havent feel of. And we’re environment the stones to allow users to do that. Late last yr, Google CEO Sundar Pichai had to explain to not-so-tech-savvy Republican senators why the Google search term fool brought up pix of Donald Trump.Even as many were amused with the aid of the exchange, the actual query involving these senators was whether Google, and extra largely big-tech, have a correct-wing bias. Two figures who agree with this sentiment are the host of Koch brothers-funded speak exhibit The Rubin document, Dave Rubin and Andrew Torba, CEO of Gab, a so-referred to as free-speech social network. Just lately Dave Rubin announced, alongside yet another proper-winger Dr.Jordan Peterson, that they have been leaving funding platform Patreon. That is no small gesture, Petersons account makes over $30K a month and Rubins about $22K. The cause for such an abrupt departure? Protest in opposition to alleged censorship on the part of Patreon.The victim of this assault on free speech in their minds is Sargon of Akkad, a some distance-correct YouTuber who used to be kicked off Patreon for utilizing the n-word on a separate platform. Patreon defended the transfer, citing its community instructional materials prohibiting hate speech. Rubin clearly disagrees and plans to delete his Patreon on January 15. He announced an substitute censorship-resistant funding option: Bitcoin via Squares cash App. One of the crucial first Bitcoin purchasers used to be, unsurprisingly, Gab claiming to have transferred 0.0025 Bitcoin to Rubins his Bitcoin deal with. Gab CEO Andrew Torba has been voicing similar issues when it comes to the stifling of free speech. Gab, which purports to be an uncensored area without spending a dime speech on-line, but critics call a far-correct echo chamber, had their Coinbase account closed for allegedly promoting hate speech. Also, final year, for instance, the new York times stated Gab as the social network the place the Pittsburgh shooter posted his final message before shooting up the Synagogue. Torba acknowledged that the shooter did not signify the broader consumer base of his platform. Nonetheless, Gabs account was once shut down.Whether or not or no longer you supply any credence to Rubin or Torbas views, it’s clear that the decentralized utopia the internet once was is now dominated with the aid of very centralized platforms that have complete control over numerous our content and communications. One answer could paradoxically be to break up colossal-tech firms, control them by means of subjecting them to anti-believe legal guidelines. That means at least they would be defended by way of the first modification; 2d only to the second modification in the hearts of many conservatives. Final yr, after closely criticizing crypto, the IMF head got here out in want of CBDCs. Now it seems they are developing in popularity across the globe. 70% of the worlds crucial banks are presently watching into launching digital currencies in any other case known as CBDCs. That is according to a recently released a survey through the financial institution of international settlements, BIS, in Switzerland, which comprises 60 primary banks around the globe.CBDCs are of course controversial in the crypto neighborhood due to the fact they’d have legal soft popularity, be heavily regulated and, of path, centralized. Of the 63 crucial banks surveyed, 22 are in evolved economies and 41 in emerging ones–that bills for 90% of the worlds financial output. The survey determined that 70% were actively engaged in establishing a CBDC, or at the least at the study section. So far, best 5 banks have sincerely run pilot or experiment runs. Ahead of the % are Uruguay and Sweden; the latters Riksbank plans to launch the E-Krona pilot project this year and start issuance as early as 2021. Uruguay, on the other hand, is leading the %, their pilot venture of the E-Peso successfully led to April of last yr. CBDCs do carry some very interesting questions involving censorship, surveillance and even the loss of life of Stablecoins. Outstanding Swedish Youtuber Ivan on Tech last yeah voiced concerns that Swedes may be at risk someday of going to the flawed protests and dealing with monetary consequences.KMPG for his or her section released a record questioning the necessity for something like Tether if there ever used to be is a Fedcoin We spoke to Thomas Moser of the Swiss country wide bank concerning the emergence of CBDCs and what that would imply for a crypto-pleasant nation like Switzerland. We are obviously in phrases in phrases of study we’re looking into it however this is fairly theoretical study and in addition conceptual research. However we now have no longer had the intention to try out the pilot or to position that into a proof of idea. So it’s quite theoretical research but we came to the conclusion like other critical banks that we don’t consider that at this stage as a minimum that the benefits are larger than the negatives or disadvantages or the risks at least that we could see. If you happen to would provide a CBDC that will sincerely fulfill the function of a stablecoin except once more you’ve got all these ideological issues that you do not want to trust the primary financial institution or when you have just right cause that you don’t want to rely on the imperative financial institution forex in case you once more when you’ve got a primary financial institution that that is not that supplies a currency with hyperinflation i assume then that may certainly no longer be a excellent alternative for a stablecoin.But in that case the stablecoin would traditionally not repair its price closer to the country wide forex however toward the U.S. Greenback or the euro. Previous this week, the French anti-institution motion often called the Yellow Jackets referred to as for the French public to participate in a giant bank run as a mean of protesting towards the monetary elite. Dubbed The Collectors Referendum, the initiative geared toward bringing people to withdraw their savings from banks and other financial associations this Saturday. This, in step with the activists, used to be going to be elected officials worst nightmare and its goal was once to scare the State totally legally and without any violence. The announced occasion resounded broadly within the crypto neighborhood, as it aligned with crypto in criticizing the failings of the common fiscal approach.Many noticed a clear parallel between the Yellow Vests financial institution run and the Proof of Keys event, a protest against centralized crypto exchanges announced by using entrepreneur hint Mayer prior this month. Mayer referred to as upon merchants to withdraw their money from exchanges as a reminder of Satoshis common imaginative and prescient of decentralization and fiscal independence. At the same time the French activists made no reference to crypto, by using highlighting peoples distrust in the direction of normal economic actors, the Yellow Vests protests would have a constructive knock-on outcomes for the crypto industry. To underline the connection between crypto and the Yellow Vest action, street artist Pascal Boyart hid a Bitcoin puzzle in his brand new graffiti committed to the protest. In step with the artist, fixing the riddle will unlock a prize valued at $1000 in Bitcoin. Boyart mentioned the enigma can also be solved best by bodily standing in front of the graffiti.What are you ready for, hodlers? Time to jump to the subsequent flight bound for Paris! Charlie Lee has accused Bitcoin maximalists of being Bitcoin extremists, do you settle, and where would you set your self on his survey? Are you a Bitcoin Extremist, Bitcoin Maximalist, Altcoin Maximalist or Nocoiner? Comment beneath! This episode is backed via alternate Santa. Alternate Santa is a cloud-based buying and selling bot. Set it up in less than 2 minutes, exchange a couple of pairs, pick between long and quick approaches, use tech analysis warning signs, and see your results in real-time.Exchange Santa works 24/7 to get you the revenue you set. The platform is already built-in with Binance, Bittrex, Bitfinex and HitBTC. The link is within the description beneath! And as continually, remember to like, subscribe and hodl! .

[bellamyblinkingrapidly]

Jon Snow Lies By Telling the Truth

How do I know this? 

Let’s examine his first encounter with a “foreign” king, the King-Beyond-the-Wall, in which he has to convince Mance that he wants to join them. It’s critical to understand that in this circumstance Jon Snow MUST lie in order to: 

Survive the encounter 

Honor his fallen brothers/Make sure his brothers including Qhorin Halfhand died for something

Serve the Night’s Watch (as a spy infiltrating the free folk’s encampment and learning their plans)  

When Jon Snow first enters, he believes Tormund to be Mance, and he kneels before him. Jon quickly learns that this isn’t the wildling way; the others laugh at him.

Mance explains, “We don’t kneel...” 

Jon Snow also gets some level of respect simply by being Ned Stark’s bastard, presumably because he is a descendant of the First Men like the freefolk. 

Next Mance notes that Ygritte likes Jon, and he asks Jon if he likes her back. Jon doesn’t answer and avoids eye contact; he’s still sizing up the situation but I think it’s important to note that this Jon isn’t comfortable revealing his feelings for Ygritte whether they are positive or negative. He likely understands that not having feelings for her would indicate he is keeping his vows to the Night’s Watch, and that having feelings for her would be leading down a path to break them - which is something he desperately wants to avoid even though he is going undercover. Also, having feelings for her might give him some extra leverage to convince the freefolk he wants to be there, so he doesn’t want to give this card away; Jon is also still an awkward teenage boy who is probably a little embarrassed by his encounters with Ygritte.  

Jon is still uncomfortable in his role as a spy; he’s not comfortable outright lying as an easy option might be to play the role of the fool in love who wants to desert the Night’s Watch to be with a woman, and he’s still not sure how to play this game while keeping his allegiances to the Night’s Watch intact as much as he can, i.e. not losing himself. 

“He was our enemy and I’m glad he’s dead,” Mance says. 

Jon gains trust from the freefolk because he killed their enemy, Qhorin Halfhand. Mance even shakes his hand. Jon doesn’t offer up any additional information about why he killed Qhorin, but when Mance asks him about why he was with Qhorin, Jon answers honestly. He says that the Lord Commander was grooming him for leadership. 

“If I’m a traitor then you are too,” Jon retorts back at Mance after Mance points out his betrayal of the Night’s Watch. 

Jon holds his ground, and it’s a pretty ballsy move. The room becomes tenser. This is a bit of risky candor from Jon, and it actually ends up working in his favor. 

“Why do you want to join us, Jon Snow?” Mance asks him simply. 

“I want to be free,” Jon tries to lie. 

This lie he picks up from verbage used by other wildlings, specifically Ygritte. He thinks this is what Mance wants to hear. But Mance is smarter than that, and it’s a bad lie because it’s not based in any truth. 

Easily Mance spots the lie, “No. I think what you want most of all is to be a hero. I’ll ask you one last time: why do you want to join us?” 

Mance is insinuating that Jon is here to be a hero for the Night’s Watch - either by killing Mance or being a spy for them. This is in fact true, he’s onto him. The room tenses. This is Jon’s last chance. 

So he tells the truth, but in a way that’s a lie: 

Jon: “We stopped at Craster’s Keep on the way North. I saw...” 

Mance: “You saw what?” 

Jon: “I saw Craster take his own baby boy and leave it in the woods. I saw what took it.” 

Mance: “You’re telling me you saw one of them? And why would that make you desert your brothers?” 

Jon: “Because when I told the Lord Commander he already knew. Thousands of years ago the First Men battled the White Walkers and defeated them. I want to fight for the side that fights for the living. Did I come to the right place?” 

Mance: “We’ll need to find you a new cloak.” 

Jon looks down and away. 

Jon doesn’t want to join the freefolk, not really. If he was being honest, he wants to join them to help his brothers of the Night’s Watch, to make amends for those he killed by not being able to kill Ygritte, and ultimately maybe to protect people from the White Walkers by ensuring the wildlings don’t defeat the Night’s Watch. 

He doesn’t offer the whole truth, but he does offer some of it. He really did see Craster do that and he really did see a White Walker. Those things shook him up, and when he told the Lord Commander he already knew about it. Jon is drawing on the only time he’s had real doubts about the Night’s Watch and his commander - the only time he’s been genuinely afraid most likely. 

Then Jon does something even more politician-y. He references alliances made in the past (something other politicians do when trying to gain allies in the show - Tyrion, Dany, the Starks, the Lannisters, etc.). Jon also takes note of how they treat him special because he’s Ned Stark’s son who is descended from the First Men. So what does he do? He brings up his connection to the First Men, and in fact doesn’t make a distinction between the wildlings and himself when he refers to the First Men here. 

The best true lie is “I want to fight for the side that fights for the living.” Because this is 100% true, and the thing that Jon isn’t saying is that he believes that side is the Night’s Watch. He believes it’s the duty of the Night’s Watch to fight for the living, and if he has any say in what the Night’s Watch does, he will work for this to be their mission. But Mance takes it as appraisal of his mission and a discontentment with the Night’s Watch and its leaders. 

“Did I come to the right place?” is another ballsy move on Jon’s part. But his candor and fierceness has seemed to won him favor so far with Mance and the freefolk in the tent. He also likely noticed how freely, aggressively, and honestly the freefolk he’s been around speak their minds; Ygritte is a great example of that. But also, this is just Jon being Jon when we right down to it. He can’t keep his damn mouth shut as seen in his scenes getting chewed out by the Lord Commander. 

The most important part about this true lie is that Jon plays into what Mance believes about him. Mance believes Jon wants to play the hero. He also probably thinks of Jon as a kid who just took his vows but doesn’t know what they mean, a son of Ned Stark, and a kid being groomed for Lord Commander. So Jon tells him a reason to join the freefolk that aligns with these beliefs. Wanting to defeat the evil White Walkers and save the living is a very heroic reason to join the freefolk and abandon his brothers. This reason also has some notes of honorableness and leadership to it as well as the foolishness and naivety of a kid. 

Who knows ultimately how much of this was intentional vs. unintentional on Jon’s part, but we do know in the books he’s described as very observant. 

I believe this encounter demonstrates his ability to lie by telling the truth, and that he already has employed similar tactics in season seven in his encounter with a different foreign ruler, Queen Daenerys, and that this will be revealed to us in season eight. I won’t go into detail of his encounters with Daenerys and where he could be lying in this post; however, he is under similar circumstances with her as this one. Jon believes that he must persuade Dany to ally with the North against the Night King in order to... 

Survive (not be burned alive or killed in the Great War by default) 

Leave Dragonstone (be released as a prisoner and able to help fight the Night King) 

Protect his people and all the living/Save his home & family/Honor his role as King in the North and therefore Protector of the North 

Defeat the Night King 

Make all other sacrifices for the North & Winterfell worth it/Honor those who fought before & ensure there will be something left after 

Honor his own code of honor/the Night’s Watch mentality of being the shield that guards the realms of men 

Edit: Also, it isn’t revealed to us immediately that Jon is lying. We don’t know exactly where Jon’s allegiances lie at this point in time, although we have more clues than we do in S7. D&D in the interviews after the episode talk about how Jon and Mance find commonground and see something in each other, etc., etc. But Jon still betrays Mance and Ygritte and the freefolk to keep his vows to the Night’s Watch in the end.