#even if its too hard keep on living
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on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.
Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.
Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.
Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.
There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.
#svsss#luo binghe#svsss au#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#disciple shen yuan#lbh. visibly exhausted and with twitchy eyes: im fine :) | everyone else: ho no the fuck you ARENT.#SQQ was hysterical not because he found out LBH was half-demon but bc he was having a long-awaited mental breakdown over his autonomy :)#or (limited) lack thereof. he was having a sudden onset crisis of mortality and was handling at quite literally the WORST time. oops#im thinking very hard that LBH would never push his disciple into the abyss especially with no system to force him to. so SQQ either#had to goad him into it (failing always) or throw himself in. he ended up doing it himself but not before some very impressive hysterics.#BUT ALSO. IF THIS HAD BEEN WHERE SQQ WAS THE HALF-HEAVENLY DEMON INSTEAD IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO GREAT.#and by great i mean horribly angsty bc SQQ is NOT doing too hot and has. in very SY-like fashion. convinced himself that LBH will kill him#when he finds out he's a demon. so when it comes out i have this mental image of him lunging at LBH and LBH flinches back. but SQQ wraps hi#hands around the blade of Zheng Yang and yanks it up so the tip of the blade is digging into his chest where is heart is. LBH can't yank th#sword away without risking slicing into SQQ's hands. SQQ's hair has fallen out of its tail/bun and is now messily spilling down his#back and its NO helping the kinda deranged look he has going on. he's visibly shaking and his eyes keep flittering away and back at LBH's#face. SQQ is looking at the messages from the system warning him that he has to go into the abyss or punishment will occur. he's like.#rambling though. talking about how shizun doesn't *like* unclean things and there is nothing more unclean than a demon. like he is#INSISTING. LBH can't?? get a fucking word in. actually. SY isn't listening that much either anyways. too overwhelmed with the system and#the amount of stress he's under and his crumbling mental state and the innate and primal desire to live even when he's standing in front of#his own executioner. it all ends with him sitting on the ground at the lip of the abyss with his hair falling in his face. he looks so#unkempt and fallen apart and so distinctly *non-Shen Qingqiu* that LBH feels physically ill over it. tears are streaming down SQQ's face#and despite everything he is smiling. its not a nice smile. its a very frayed falling apart at the seams about to crack smile.#he tells shizun not to worry about staining his blade with this disciple's filthy blood because this disciple will take care of it himself.#and then he falls into the abyss before luo binghe can so much as grab him. the only reason LBh doesn't literally jump in after him is bc#he was numb with shock and the abyss was already closed before he could feel his legs again :]
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hard day to be an extremely beloved little animal
#dogblr#rory borealis#sometimes i try telling her that lots of people keep their britts in outdoor kennels#usually when i feel shes taking up too much space on the bed or couch#and she just gives me a doggie laugh and takes up even more space#its a hard life but someone's gotta live it
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Muse of Violence, Warrior of Science.
To the ordinary, everyday genius scientist-for-hire with a heart too big for her own good, we raise our sake cups.
You gave us food. You tried to protect us. You gave your life to ensure we'd all live on. Just lending a hand.
You knew it would end like this. We all knew it would end like this, and yet you still did it. And you did it to protect the friends you had made and the family you had left. And you did it all on your own terms, smiling all the way to the afterlife, knowing your will would be inherited by those you saved.
Clone or Machine or Satellite or Daughter. It matters not what you were. Because you went out like a true member of those who carry the will of D.
Thanks for everything, Atlas. For a satellite representing rage and violence, you had the biggest heart of any of them.
#egghead arc#chapter 1120#one piece spoilers#Vegapunk Atlas#Atlas is my favorite character in the series. I got into One Piece around the time Egghead started#and I just immediately fell in love with her character. Everything from being simultaneously a giant violent kaiju and a sweet young woman#to her endearing passion for her inventions (even more so than any of the other satellites) to her unwavering kindness toward the Straw Hat#simply because they liked what she had made and ate her food. A person so overwhelmingly and completely sincere it hurts.#Its not a stretch to say I resonated with her a lot throughout Egghead. Everything about her is 100%. Her passion and work ethic. Her rage.#Her happiness. Her protectiveness.#Her grief.#Atlas is a character that I fundamentally believe received one of the best death scenes of any one piece character.#But god it's so hard to say goodbye.#I would have loved to see how she would have reacted waking up on Elbaf and finally having the safety to mourn everyone she loves.#To see how she moves forward from this. To see her work furiously to keep the wills and memories of the people she loved alive.#But most importantly I think I just wanted to see her.. live. I just wanted that big ol' girl with a heart too big for her own good...#to make it to the end in one piece.#But what a sendoff. If she had to die.. I'm glad she got to die on her own terms. Helping everyone one last time and cracking a smile.#Humble as always.#I'm gonna miss her a lot.#punk.txt
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I want to get to the good part of this blastvoid thing I'm writing but i do NOT want to write the part before it and I'm procrastinating so fucking hard
Like i know what i want and it'll be satisfying but it's like the reverse of eating beef jerky, where this is the tough gross part you just need to swallow before getting to the fucking SPPIUCCE
#I'm writing their early days when blast first realizes a) fucking void is an option and b) he REALLY wants to#but it's in the middle of a one night stand with a woman#and I'm just......so uninterested in most straight stuff......like unless its genderfuckery with the characters cause that's cool#also hard because i really believe background characters should have their own lives so trying to write these OCs as likable and believable#without them taking to too much time#or at least if they do have them be fun enough that it's fine#and also having it be believable that they'll go about their business even after the story moves on from them#hard too to get into the head of a frat bro/fuckboy which is kinda how i see Blast#or rather it's hard to write him without making him either too soft or too gross#like the way i like and see women isn't necessarily the way a guy like that would and it's tough to figure out where the crossover is#so i can use it to make this whole thing more believable#i REALLY want it to be clear that blast and void do not have the kind of relationship that would be good for anyone else#and probably really isn't even good for them#but that requires a fair amount of build up to get it across the way I'd like#like blast is fixated on void and so hyper aware of everything he does that he's almost#but not quite#scared of him#and void knows what he's doing because blast is the Goldie Locks of candidates for someone to help him with the GOD stuff#and he D O E S N O T want him going anywhere so he's gonna keep him close using every trick in the book#but blast IS charismatic and he IS fun and he DOES make daily life a lot more pleasant#so he's uncomfortably attached too#but blast has zero fucking for clue about any of that other than he's aware of just **how little** he knows about void#IT'S A FUCKING LOT OF SUBTEXT TO GET ACROSS WITH A CHARACTER I'M STRUGGLING WITH#I'm going to do it but MAN#blastvoid
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Having another rough day already as. usual
#🤖.txt#Another day another trying to not have a meltdown on my way to school#Im not even gonna . talk much about it bc its making me want to cry more and lol i want to cry for hours#Really sad and thinking a lot of shit and dont know how to make myself feel better#I need. to pretend im not alive but i cant do that anymore . Im just bad at everything now#Aughhhh#vent#Do you know how sad i am#i feel like i tried so hard to keep myself alive only to live like this and hate being alive. like this is so depressing#I dont even like thinking like this bc i have so many good things in my life rn and im very grateful for them#and yet theres not a day where i dont feel like this at least for a few hours#ugdhjd i know i'll be fine when im home i hope i get through today without feeling like this too much#I'll probably delete this later but i just need to leave this somewhere
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thinking a lot about a premise where after the events of Psychonauts 2, years later, Raz winds up breaking off all contact with his family overall (barring his younger siblings, his older sister, his dad and Nona, and his younger siblings are a borderline case depending on whether or not they pick up their mother's passive aggressive and dislike of psychics like Raz's older brother) and the story idea is SPECIFICALLY Donatella, being grief-stuck at Raz completely cutting off all contact with her and much of the family after he was able to eventually become independent with the Psychonauts and is now a beloved icon and hero to the world famous for his advances in the use of psychic work to aid psychiatry and he very explicitly does not discuss her and acts as if she died when he was a kid
and the whole thing is basically about her having to very bluntly have to come to terms with the fact that if she hadn't been so cold to him or made him feel unwanted because of his powers, or his older brother learn from her example to become a vicious bully towards him (even by older brother standards), then maybe he wouldn't have fixated so hard on the idea of the Psychonauts as a place where felt he belonged and didn't feel like his very existence was shaming her
and its entirely her fault, and all her passive aggressive guilt trip actions in Psychonauts 2 made it worse and just made every moment around her, no matter how much he missed his mother, hurtful and he only felt better when he spoke to Helmut Fullbear who at this point was the first genuinely nice and accomodating voice he'd heard once the events with Maligula took off.
(He would be the first to admit much of that was his fault, but he still felt alone, and it was nice to feel such a kindly and welcome voice, like someone from a group he really belonged to, and that Donatella very specifically never made him felt like he belonged.)
And there's no magic fix. There's no tearful reconciliation, no heartfelt pleas that led to a happily ever after and the family reunions she wants. Decades of resentment, bitterness and childhood unhappiness that gradually turned into simmering hatred isn't something that can be taken back and she has to live with that; her second born son wants nothing to do with her and has written her completely out of his life, and will be quite happy if he dies without ever having to see her or speak with her ever again.
Also probably something like a line like "He stopped loving you a long time ago. After all, he thought you stopped loving him first."
#psychonauts 2#psychonauts#ideas#story ideas#fic ideas#psychonauts spoilers#kinda#tbh i feel this probably isn't TOO canon compliant with the way the character arcs tend to go#so realistically she would eventually dial down her dislike of psychics and they'd all have to live with their mistakes and try to live#in a better way#but the idea of Raz's in game sadness and the implied character arc of the middle part of the game leans WELL towards this idea#just being around his family feels stressful or sad and if you go to Psi King Sensorium fairly late#Psi King's helpful and kindly attitude makes him STRIKINGLY different from the other adults#he's nice and helpful and open minded and probably is a major role model for Raz later in life#so its not hard to imagine Raz eventually drifting more towards the members of the Psychic Seven he's personally closer towards#and just passively reducing the influence his mother and older siblings have#i mean frazie isn't that bad but she keeps throwing rocks at his head#and lying about what she is just so her mother doesn't hate her too but making her brother feel alone and even more sad#wow that is a VERY Applicable line actually but that's another topic#queued
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Julius is just a Hard Knock Life orphan on a path called Julius's Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day
#hes so optimistic that i know i cant be that forward-looking#i say that as an optimist#dude's parents died and he thinks he just has to keep moving doing his best and such#he had his name eaten and just keeps a journal so he can grow from the experience#his parents are dead his life was upheaved and considering the flash flood a lot of his friends probably died too#and he consistently makes terrible first impressions because of misunderstandings#with joshua ferris subaru and even reinhard calls him out on it#but hes still. forward looking? with his life id ask WHY#an optimist full of insecurities that nonetheless wants to become a better version of himself than yesterday#that wants others to grow#that wants to be someone who can respect his parents' sacrifice#and is willing to play the villain without ever explaining himself to save his own image#id think his mental fortitude is off the charts#rezero#re zero#re:zero#julius juukulius#little orphan boy living a goodly hard life#i can understand it but at the same time its incomprehensible and i dont know how to put it into words#life keeps kicking him#like footeball#and ottos the kicker right now#ITS A HARD KNOCK LIFE FOR US-
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not to be ungrateful but i don't get paid enough at my job lol
#the problem with jobs that people do bc they love the work is that it doesn't pay well and you will be overworked to death#genuinely couldn't quit bc i love the kids too much already but 15 an hour is....not ideal tbh....#how am i supposed to make future plans in these conditions#i cant ask for a raise ive only worked here 3 months but ugh#the only reason i got hired is i finally broke my rule abt the minimum hourly rate i was willing to accept#i applied to the two 14-16 an hour jobs and used the one i already accepted to get this one to gove me 15 instead of 14#but that's still not a lot tbh#need to buy an oven since we havent had a working one since january#and i keep gping ok next time i get paid i will buy an oven#and it hasnt happened yet#and i need.....17k to invest in starting my own business and i will not see a return on that for a very long time 😭#and i have no idea where that money will be coming from lol#fortunately its not that time sensitive except it kind of needs to happen in the next year or two probably but idk#if i dont do what i need to do idk what will happen but i think the issue will become more expensive but also maybe less expensive#but also uglier and make my neighbors mad#but i have no choice but to wait bc i have no money for that lol#anyway#17k is my immediate expense but i also need to come up with the money to eventually buy my parents house somehow#and i dont even make enough to pay the mortgage 😭#fortunately i dont need to do that for a long time but...eventually#anywayssss#how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions#i do love working with kids but jts hard work and all my coworkers are petty and hate eachother so its a lot#and i dont make enough money to live fr#im so lucky i live w my parents bc nobody at my job makes enough to live on their own lol#also the sheep that are supposed to be clearing brush got sick and went back to their farm and they're not coming back this year at all#so we need to brush hog it#or contract another farm#im not sure if its even safe w their poop all over the place snd im not getting any communication from the farmers#but it lowkey might be better to get our own sheep but thats so much work i dont want to think abt doing livestock
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#i am getting myself upset about my mom ignoring my schedule when planning the gathering and then asking me to change mine#im upset about it#but i know there were steps i couldve take and can take#i couldve spoken up when she said her plans#but i thought about what happened last year when it turned out everyone elses schedules were planned around#i couldve done what my mom asked and begged my boss to let me adjust my hours#wouldve been better for everyone probably and wouldnt have been too hard just really annoying and a hassle#i could just not go#or express my frustration to my mom (would be better than letting it fester like this)#but i told myself its not worth getting upset about family stuff and i cant change their behavior#that i might as well just keep my head down and get thru it#i could like advocate for myself in some way but for pride reasons i seem to be choosing to be miserable about it#wouldnt it be nice if getting someone your schedule more than a month in advance meant it would be taken into account#i dont live in that reality though#i dunno#i already told my mom my boss said no to avoid expressing the frustration#in my mind im like 'i wish my mom cared enough to take me into consideration' but i know thats not entirely fair#especially when im not speaking up#its been a while since ive thought like that#in a week it wont even matter anymore
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i dont understand how u can fuck up misgendering me when my name is literatlly noah. like. how. do i need to change it back to adam?
idk how it can make it more obvious. (i live and exist as stealth trans. sort of? I don’t really talk bout being trans, but I’m open bout it when it comes up. Or i trust u. I can read vibes)
#snazum talks#like idk how u keep messin this up.#is it my stature? im just short. i’m a short guy. theres cis dudes my height.#ah wait i did use that one childhood photo of me for a presentation. so ig there?#like i said im not loud and proud but i don’t exactly stealth either#but like. idk i just chill and exist as a dude.#now im gettin paranoid that the others misgender me behind my back but like#i aint gonna start thinkin like that till i get proof#sorry im just like. mind boggled lmao. I wish I had the courage to correct people but like#I don’t have the energy or the backbone to so I just shrug. whatever#i’ll just think of you as stupid. and then also proceed to help u with ur project anyways lmao#or not even just stupid. like. i’ll give yah the benefit of the doubt and assume its a language thing? but also like.#i give people that benefit but then you’ll gender everyone else correctly so. idk. seems sort of targeted#even if it’s subconcious. which sucks. i’m sorry that you have those subconcious biases#cause I get it. me too. it takes a bit to learn and retrain.#but its a little annoying since i’ve just been living as a dude for years. like grahh. idk.#im not gonna drop my somewhat effeminate actions or whatever the fuck. i like to sound not like a dick online thanks#or like idk. i want to not seem threatening and hard to approach#not that i’m doing a great job at that but yeah idk sorry i’m exaughsted
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anyway as soon as i pry myself off this couch im gonna share some screenshots of bg3 protags on my sideblog. just gotta like. reach the desk first.
#all i can think about is the shelves im gonna get installed here over the next little bit fdghj#yall dont understand its so hard to keep things clean and brain friendly when you just dont have anywhere to put stuff.#hellish#& then i get overwhelmed and turn into a massive bitch when i try to get it under control fdgh#instead its been like. 2 straight days of dopamine i fucking swear?? my body probably definitely wouldnt let me do this for a living#(my hip is screamingggg dfghgjj) but actually if i could & if i could work in a team then yeah. ykw i enjoy it.#organization go brrrrrrr#i dont think she was expecting me to work that fast either but ive been like a feral animal. skittering over clutter.#finding Spots for Things#okay i lied the flood was actually beneficial in one way to me specifically.#estranged father just forgot a Bunch of tool sets here & ive claimed them now fdghjk#that nail gun is MINE#she suggested i look out for an actual tool chest/bench thing (ykw the ones with wheels and stuff) for everything and i havent been that#excited for anything in months fdgh tools are expensive alright. too bad he took the table saw.#i dont talk much abt my Masc Hobbies as i call them lmao no real reason to but hoooboy i love to Build Things#give me that ikea desk ill have it done in an hour or less every time#maybe trade school is still on the horizon for me gfhj always wanted to Weld Stuff i think id be good at it#as much as i fuckin loathe yard maintenance i was a real garage sooooo bad its not even funny#shame i wasnt just inherently expected to know car stuff tm i feel like i would have loved it too#scarrier to learn on your own later in life especially with a lease vehicle but ill get there eventually#anyway yeah bg3! new mods. new ocs#have not done much with them yet but they Exist and theyre pretty
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Imso tired man. I'm so tired. Why do I work this hard I am so FUCKING over this shit
#this other bitch out here like haha woopsie i forgot to clock out for lunch even though ive been out for two hours :)#guess ill leave early today! heehee#YOU DONT DO ANYTHING. YOU FUCKED ME OVER YET AGAIN#i am SO FUCKING SICK of this shit. why do I have to be the one to suffer#why do i have to be the person who doesnt get a say in fuck all even though im doing THE MOST WORK#and then i have to sit here and act like she fucking knows what shes talking about wrt animals#IM THE ANIMAL KEEPER. I KNOW WHATS GOING ON IN THIS DEPARTMENT BETTER THAN YOU#Im going crazy fucking insane right now#my coworker is out sick so ive had to do shit scheduled for three people. me. One person#and then im told shit like its just one class! ITS NOT#i have to break them up into two because its too big of a group#then i say ok we are doing reptiles over here#and shes like oh ummmm someone has it reserved for this time so can you do it in [place that is extremely loud]#and im like yeah ok fucking sure FINE#and then we get there and someone else is like ummmm we were told to est here for lunch by [her name]#and i radio her like UMMMM??????????#and shes like Oh woopsie i did tell them! you can do it at ummmm [3rd place]#im like yeah thanks for fucking wltting me know#Sorry im sorry thus is so extreme and petty but im like DROP DEAD#youve made my work life hell when it doesnt have to be because YOU SUCK AT YOUR JOB#FUCK!!!!!#YOU get to have a social life becaus you do whatever the FUCK YOU WANT#YOU get paid way more than me to do FUCK ALL#YOU dont have 30+ living beings depending on you every day#shut the fuck UP#I am so mad that i work so fucking hard and it doesnt fucking matter#so yeah sorry for starry spam but i think hes nice and right now the only thing keeping me from fucking losing it at work#along with a 1 min video of kookaburras im plahing over and over
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god help me i'm going insane about dickson xenoblade again
#this is what i get for thinking about lord of the rings too hard this week (specifically denethor / gríma / saruman and the like)#thinking about the way anthony may delivered “when will you learn you HAVE no future?”#he thinks shulk is fully DEAD at that point. he thinks HE killed him. which he very much meant to. but now that the kid is no longer there#now that the terrible future he's been preparing for and actively working to bring about has in fact come about#i don't know that dickson really cared anymore. he played his part he did the deed expected and he did it unquestioningly. So What Now?#well. now nothing. now the world that he spent so long biding his time in; so long getting enmeshed in (even for nefarious purposes)#is about to end; is about to be gone forever.#sure zanza will probably just create another world and maybe he (dickson) will have Even More Power in the new one#(though that's not a given! he doesn't know for SURE his lord and god will keep his promise!)#but like. what the hell does he care at this point#dickson SAYS he wants power but i suspect that long long ago what the giant dickson really wanted was SURVIVAL.#we never get to know just how he became a disciple or what the giant civilization looked like in its heyday or how it ended#but in MY headcanon dickson saw that some kind of destruction coming and he wanted Out#and maybe he hated his peers and figured any power and prestige that came from this bargain was just a bonus#i think he thought of himself as a saruman type: powerful; remote; far above the petty troubles of mortals (even the long-lived high entia)#but i have always headcanoned that by his later days (i.e. when he started engaging w/colony 9; machina village; etc. in earnest)#he committed too hard to the bit and started “going native” as it were; started to give a shit in ways that he would never dare admit#maybe not as much of a shit as; you know; a regular guy would. but more than an immortal disciple and horseman of the apocalypse should.#and all the time knowing that all the world he'd seen would soon be gone#maybe everyone else can get fucked. but shulk had to die too. and that's what their god MADE them to do.#he can't allow himself to care or to hope for another option bc in his mind it's already over; decided; that's it#what else can you do in the face of ultimate power but bow to it and take whatever scraps may fall to an obedient servant?#“you have no future” nor does he except that shulk came back. except that the peoples of bionis/mechonis just wouldn't accept Fate.#and in some final rebellious corner of his mind he starts putting eggs in shulk's basket. “if they can't even defeat telethia they won't#stand a chance against me (or zanza)” so let's see if they CAN. oh they did? how about a dragon? oh fuck they defeated the dragon too?#well fuck. maybe there WAS another option all along. but will/can they stand against me; the final disciple? oh they can??#guess i'll die then bc i'm not looking THAT in the face. i am NOT unpacking my cowardice/failure/lack of vision after all these years.#good luck with that tho <3 you're welcome for the training btw. where i'm going i don't have to see your trauma assuming you live that long.#dickson#xenoblade
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oh yeah not sure where we're at w money btw. we might be able to get some of it back but we wont know anything concrete until friday
#the fey speaks#which is why i haven't been reblogging the d0n0 post#like. i got $115 total and we Do need to buy groceries before friday and also some of it has already been spent on gas for getting to work#so what i'm saying is the support i got so far has already be immensely helpful#i am just not sure how much more help i will need or by when. or anything. until friday.#and i'd hate to keep askin only to end up not needing it ig. that said if anyone still wants to send me a few bucks while understanding tha#i won't say no. there are many things i need money for in this world rn. like a new belt. been thinking abt a cane. but idk how much it#would help so i haven't been able to justify the cost to myself#but like. there's probably better things you could be doing with your money rn.#also its been really hard for me to get info bc no one (my parents. whose bank acct it was.) wants to fucking talk about it#like. i live here too idk i think i should be allowed to know like what days bills are due and exactly how much they cost!#bc originally i was told (by my mom) that Literally All of our bills were due this past monday. and we would have#no power water or gas. but we still do. somehow. so idfk#and she won't talk to me abt it if i ask she just Stops Responding or walks away#and if i try to ask dad he just responds “i don't know” or starts crying. or like self loathing spiral#so basically. even if we get 100% of the original money back#its ALSO possible we will have a shit tone of late fees and overdraft fees to pay. no clue : )
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what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group
#bye ignore my venting bigger problems what fucking ever#im sick of her ass she only messages us for us to help her with her fucking girlfriend problems like we arent even friends atthis fckn point#and i love her shes so funny whatever but god shes literally the worst because i just want to be friends i dont fucking care ab her goddamn#selfish ass gf thats shes obsessed with. be obsessed tell me about it but cant we be friends ab other stuff too#we used to be her 'favorite friend' cause we shared so many interests and we hung around what fucking ever but fuck that right#get a gf and just use us to help better yalls relationship without even telling her you're sharing her private msgs w us huh yeah sure#what fucking ever im so done with this bitch and i cant even get my contacts out cause i have long nails and im js poking my eye#AND SHE WOULD NEVER BE SORRY if our friendship fell apart she would tell everyone i was jealous of her gf or what ever i literally dont care#she was like an older sister before i dont get why getting a gf would have to change shit like ok good for u but what ab us#what about me its not even fucking fair like is it that hard to keep up w ur friends?? NO its fucking not#taking me so long to write a post bc im still fucking helping her with her stupid dumb selfish idiotic gf omfg#just BREAK UP i literally dont fucking care just leave her if she makes u unhappy its literally online tf is she gonna do to u nothing omfg#why am i the one being punished when shes the one with the stupid dumb gf that hates her and herself i dont fucking care i js want m friend#and i cant tell any of our mutual friends cause she dont do that to them its js me so itd be like im being dramatic#and like shit i guess i am but i dont care atp thats all she ever talks to me ab like ok i get it i helped u but stop jfc#but if i said that we'd never talk again bc what fucking ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause im just dramatic whatever#if u cant resolve these simple problems of communication on ur own then maybe u shouldnt be in a relationship idk js my thoughts! die#sry the 1 person who knows what xactly i mean is asleep and im so tired of getting late night msgs being like hii can u help me SHUT UP#id love to help if we were actually still fucking friends but we arent so js leave me alone bruh#post#nickpost#will delete in morning my mom keeps telling me to put my phone down bt i need 2 say smfh 2 some1#i hate change i hate slight differences in my normal day to day i hate everything i hate not having smth to rely on i hate change i hate it#sry im alg now im js sick of her ass js leave bruh#nimbhe my moms yelling im tired anyway i need to js isolate myself forever no problems if im on an island alone#living my best life in the shade drinking idk water or whatever and just talking to myself bc who even needs friends right!!!!!!!!#its 11:11 make a wjsh#adding more cz whatever im deleting this ltr anyway#its so clear where i stand with everyone cause its always close but not close enough friendly but not friends and i guess its the same w her#bye im out of tags etc whatever nobody matching my freak ever never comfortable in any friendships
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ik i always joke about how i never cosplay women but like. i really don't do i
#trying to find a girl ive cosplayed other than clover zero escape and arashi is proving to be#futile#i mean ive cosplayed love live girls but the only one i like i ABSOLUTELY need a new wig for#like its unwearable#i look like an aunt whos trying too hard to be one of the cool kids when i cosplay ruby#i dont even have an ai wig#and even if i did i am NOT doing gal makeup just for this#emma just doesnt look right on me ( sobs in best girl )#i dont like how i do my makeup for ren or chisato#god i cant believe i was in a ll group when i hate how i look as half the girls i had#and i wanna keep it to like. canon women#otherwise id probs just do aira vil or hiyori#OH MY GOD#WAIT#I MIGHT HAVE LEFTOVER MOXXI PICS FROM VALENTINES DAY#AMEN
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