#i dont live in that reality though | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

a-little-bit-poss · 9 days ago

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#i am getting myself upset about my mom ignoring my schedule when planning the gathering and then asking me to change mine #im upset about it #but i know there were steps i couldve take and can take #i couldve spoken up when she said her plans #but i thought about what happened last year when it turned out everyone elses schedules were planned around #i couldve done what my mom asked and begged my boss to let me adjust my hours #wouldve been better for everyone probably and wouldnt have been too hard just really annoying and a hassle #i could just not go #or express my frustration to my mom (would be better than letting it fester like this)#but i told myself its not worth getting upset about family stuff and i cant change their behavior #that i might as well just keep my head down and get thru it #i could like advocate for myself in some way but for pride reasons i seem to be choosing to be miserable about it #wouldnt it be nice if getting someone your schedule more than a month in advance meant it would be taken into account #i dont live in that reality though #i dunno #i already told my mom my boss said no to avoid expressing the frustration #in my mind im like 'i wish my mom cared enough to take me into consideration' but i know thats not entirely fair #especially when im not speaking up #its been a while since ive thought like that #in a week it wont even matter anymore

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triglycercule · 5 days ago

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horror is so BLESSED he's the only one out of the murder time trio that has actual good people trying to influence his story 💔💔 dust and killer were both driven to INSANITY because of the choices of their respective humans but horror??? every time without FAIL the polls for horrortale's plotline have always ended in a good place for aliza (either by bettering her relationships/reputation or for her to just. not DIE)

horrortale's potential alternate timelines my beLOVEd🙏🙏 they're SO lucky that we're being kind and benevolent hehe (≧ω≦) now where are the aus based off the possible different outcomes that could've happened in horrortale HUH???? (like how aliza couldve killed toriel or chosen horror's puzzle or gone with undyne to the core........)

#something something all three of them have their fates determined by an outside force #ermmmm but horror doesn't- yeah he does. what aliza does decides EVERYTHING for horror and horrortale #just because its not direct like dust or killer doesn't mean theyre all subject to the same community x3 #PARALLELS MTT PARALLELS FOR THE 500TH TIME THEY HAVE SOOOO MANY PARALLELS OHHH MY GOOOOOODDDDDD #mtt going to visit horrortale would just be dust eying aliza (out of paranoia. he knows shes a good kid)#and then killer knowing in his head that the poor kid aliza that horror weirdly seems to like doesn't have control over her actions #she doesn't know horror doesn't know nobody knows except killer. is that a bit sad?#theyre all living in the dark unaware of the reality of their world. i mean thats how its meant to be after all thats what the players want #but....... it would be tempting to tell horror...... hehehehehe- and then he's interrupted by horror and dust #(theyre trying to get killer to eat papyrus's spaghetti in their place. he's the only one that can stomach it even though there's no human)#mtt i love thee SOOOOO much. theyre back in horrortale for the holidays ✨✨ coming back to visit the family ✨✨ WHAT horror's visiting.......#not dust or killer of course. this isnt their world noooope thats not papyrus. but that doesn't stop dust from having everyone like him #its just like the good old days :333 except now there's three sanses and triple the insanity :333 almost like nothing's changed!!!!!#oh killer??? yeah he's there. probably won't try taking up the sansish type of role horror and dust do but he'll find a way to get used 2 i #after all the point of this is whatever he wants it to be now ;33333 were these tags all just a reference to my mtt fic. yes. yes they were #LMAOOOO i forgot that aliza didn't fall into horrortale yet in my fic. still a fun thing to imagine tho!!!#i think it would be fun having aliza be the first of humans for horrortale to deal with that they won't instantly kill #itll be hard but really rewarding for all of them........ especially horror i believe!!! man he didnt even go through therapy but #just being away from horrortale and out doing new and FUN and NOT MURDEROUS things has done wonders for him :3 #i need to get to writing smh..... winter break is the day after tomorrow (TECHNICALLY AT 2:32 PM SINCE THSYS WHEN SCHOOL ENDS SO HAHAHA)#so ill probably work on it more over break since i'll have nothing to do hehe.......#today was an amazing day for me ✨ TWO mtt angst death related hcs..... some work on my latest chapter i've yet to post..... SWAPINVERSE FAN #ARE YOU KIDDING ME MORR SWAPINVERSE ART THIS IS SOOOO AMAZING THABK YOU UNTITLED29876011111 I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY YOU DO THIS!!!!!#tricule rant #killer sans #dust sans #horror sans #murder time trio #utmv #sans au

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dandyshucks · 10 months ago

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blinks tiredly. i decide "hm maybe i should try to expand my circle and step outside of it a little, lets go look at the main community tags" and im just greeted with a bunch of edgelords who think saying "fiction doesn't affect reality, don't like don't read" is peak activism and "fighting censorship". head in my hands. this is partially why i do not ever go into the community tags, my nervous system cannot handle blocking fifty weirdos every single day just so i can have a normal experience in the community tags hfdsjkl

#I HAVE SO MANY PEOPLE BLOCKED ALREADY. i am TRYING to curate my experience 😭😭😭#and i have so many tags blacklisted fjdsjkl like. so many. every single variation of tag to do with those chuckleheads #which helps avoid them a lot of the time tbh bc it'll flag posts that ppl rb if the original post was tagged w any of those #so i can avoid rbing posts that have chuckleheads as the op most of the time #i also usually double check OP's blog before i rb stuff now bc man this place is rife with these weirdos #ANYWAYS. yes i want to try to engage w the community but i do not think i can handle it if theres gonna be so many edgelords jkdslfl #the only way i follow new ppl now is when yall do promo hour and i sometimes see a new face pop up fdsjkl #every now and then i have energy to try to engage with new ppl but its so difficult when so many ppl are such insufferable edgelords !!!!#''im the nasty pr-sh-pper your parents warned you about 😎'' cool man you sound like the most insufferably obnoxious person ever. :/#''if you like CENSORSHIP-'' i am hitting block immediately bc u have a fundamental misunderstanding of what censorship actually is 👍#I'M TIREDDDD WHY ARE PEOPLE SO DUMB ABOUT THIS STUFF. ''fiction doesn't affect reality'' I GUESS PROPAGANDA DOESNT EXIST THEN ????#what a strange world they live in honestly. they dont understand how stories have served humans since the dawn of time. sighing loudly.#vent //#SORRY FOR THIS ONE IM JUST. ARGH. ppl talk abt encouraging community but i think maybe im not cut out for community #i want desperately to partake but i cannot handle it if it means dealing w all these bozos #it frustrates me to no end fdhsjkl and it upsets me so much and i wish i could deal w it better but. my nervous system is broken fdsjkl #i will try to expand my circle every now and then but i cannot do it often bc of this 😭 im not going to give up entirely though fdsjkl #(also this is partially why i dont tag my posts w community tags anymore bc i am just. so scared of these freaks getting their hands on it)#(the most i'll do is s.afeship or variations every now n then bc supposedly they're not in those tags fdsjkl)#delete later #dandyshucks

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froginaskinsuit · 11 months ago

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born to stand at smokey 1920s jazz bars with velveteen lounge chairs and good music while looking mildly mysterious in a slutty suit that only slightly gives away my position in the criminal underworld

forced to exist in the age of thirty second music snippets

#dont get me wrong that music is still great and valid #but sometimes it's just like #i wanna be there #with the #jazz #and #swing #and the 1920s aesthetic but not the reality of living in that time #bc alskdjdhskdkdjdjdj #can y'all tell I'm going #crazy #yeahhhhh #live music is amazing though #we need more places where the performers can be appreciated #and listened to #skinsuit notes #thank u for coming to my ted talk

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golden-stag · 22 days ago

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I got to yap about Venom in a call yesterday, and you'd think that would get all my nervous energy about that guy out of my system but it Has Not :)

Peace and Love :)

#I guess I'm theorising more than analysing him this time though?#DONT tell me if I'm wrong or right about this next bit ok #okay so- GG characters grow and change over time right? I've been thinking about how that could've started for Venom #but Venoms been shown to be the type of person to grab on tight to what he knows and refuse to let go #Venom knows how to be an assassin and he knows how to be an extension of someone elses will #I think... If we're truly going to shake that foundation enough for it to collapse. Venom needs someone to bounce off of who just #doesn't need that from him #Chipp was really close but I can see why they didn't go that route the more I think about it-#while I like the idea of them. In reality Venom would just be an extension of someone elses aspirations again you know?#It wouldn't feel right.#and its definitely not happening with the gulld- Venoms defences are Up around them and I can't blame him for that #I think Venom needs connection outside of the people that know him already.#if Venom stays isolated like he is now he's free to keep this idea he has of himself #if Venom connects with someone disconnected from the world he lives in now #it could kickstart some development!#bwahh does that make any sense to anyone whos not me-#...#... is this how they utilise the. robot-?#dont answer that #yappin'

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loumandforyou · 2 months ago

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I love how my country is first (or in the top 5) in Europe for negative stuff like yay for us but it's also really romanticised for holidays, especially from non Europeans.

#right now we are the poorest country #comparing our income and the cost of living #but even here I see posts about how people want to spend months in a greek city/island cause it's amazing #and don't get me wrong it's a beautiful country #but the reality is so different #and I'm also thinking about how europe is sometimes considered as one #like the usa #but how can you compare UK to us #or denmark etc?#you know what I mean #also if you read this you are always free to ask me questions #about my country #cause I love talking about it #even though i dont always love it #sorry for the random rant #personal

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girlthingdecay · 1 year ago

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#i kind of want to kill myself. im so disconnected from anything. i have no original thought. everything is scripted #everything is just put together pieces from things ive heard elsewhere and i do not have a single original thought #everyone can see that im masks all the way down and everyone can see that i am nothing underneath and even that is a stolen way of saying it #i have no way of making nothing palatable but i am simply nothing. invite me over and ill try to adapt to you and write a new script based #off new media but if you make me truly comfortable and somehow manage to unplug my behavior then youll be rewarded with me just sitting #beside you on the floor and staring at whatever media you show me without speaking much and only occasionally seeking further warmth from #you #i vocalized it to someone close recently but im a nothing void and i wish people all acted in exactly the way i wanted regardless #i have selfish fantasies about people just doing everything to make everything easy for me and if i were a god i would be an entirely #selfish one #if the right people would go and stay as i please even though im a nothing void and dont deserve them around #if they would all do whatever i needed like gave me cuddles or sex or affirmation or money or treats #if life was one long cycle of being the most treated god by everyone then maybe i could be something i dont know #maybe something could be manifested into me #everyone already projects an idea onto me so maybe a collective idea held by all with a great deal of love would make whatever they say of #me true and maybe then id exist fully #until then oh well #though in reality im just sanitizing a bit. having others fully as puppets serving me isnt something that i want because i think itll “fix”#me by any measures and id likely only grow far more sadistic and selfish but i wish for that world because i could live in perfect comfort #i could do anything i wanted and have anything i wanted and nobody would stop me #sorry this is just like. a long rambling in tags. i should shut up now

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fantastic-mr-corvid · 5 months ago

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#the idea that police brutality is a uniquely american thing is so fucking stupid #It also shows what country's are really good at pr. or at least just pointing to the usa and saying at least we are not them #i have tried to have so many conversions about police brutality in this country and everyone always says it rarely ever happens #BITCH DO YOU NOT KNOW YOUR HISTORY???#or do you just live in the nice side of a town in the countryside where there's like 3 poc per town #though its always both innit...#but the audacity of some people to ignore the violence the british police uses just bc the victims are homeless/roma/travelers/in inner cit #Like i know i have the 'privilege' of knowledge #But there's a reason my friends would even suggest going to a cops stall at pride to question them and im shaking like a leaf #just bc the pigs here are good at doing it where ppl dont see/dont care about it or to people that have been dehumanized doesnt mean it #doesnt happen #i wouldn't call being... lets just say very aware of the reality of it at a young age... a fucking privilege #get your head out your ass and apply your critiques of the usa to your own fucking country!!!!!!!#sorry. tag rant over.#fuck the police in every iteration and every country & also the military #EDIT: this is not to diminish the horrors of police brutality in the usa- just me personally ranting about how people use how awful and #frequency to absolve other [mainly european] country's police

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sampilled · 6 months ago

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i don't even want a relationship i literally spend more time fantasising about having a best friend

#even though i think ive gor one #idk i never had one as a child so i dont think the reality can live up to my dreams #i would never say that to her i love her very much and its not like out friendship is disappointing to me #idk idk #maybe if i had more friends i wouldnt always be so weird and nercous about losing them and i could actually be real #and enjoy it #i do i think i just hold back a lot like i do in every aspect of my life

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icewindandboringhorror · 2 years ago

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oh my god.. a job for me.. historical pierrot beach performer lol

#also I'm obsessed with shows like this #I always forget about like 'people live in a fully historical way as a sort of half documentary half educational reality-tv ish thing' as #a genre but then every once in a while I remember and watch something like this and am so enamored #There was also one called 'manor house' or something where it was like normal people who aren't actually historians or anything #trying to live like how they did a while ago in some big manor or whatever which was interesting #not the drama really (there wasnt much but a few of the people on there were kind of annoying whenever they did get their #few little interview bits among the otherwise mostly explanatory nature of the show just focusing on how things #worked in mainatining a giant manor house)#though there's a lot of focus on edwardian and victorian times in these sorts of things. which is cool!#but I wonder if they have them for different time periods too. and different locations. what about 1500s france #1250s china. etc. etc. I dont know because like I said I always forget I like this type of stuff so I never look it up #omg.... guess what... (whispering to you as if we're friends and I'm gosspiing).. you will NEVER believe this..#you know 'Edwardian Farm' right? well.. I just found........ 'VICTORIAN farm'!#it's literally the same people doing the same thing but a different time period. And you know what? I will still eagerly watch every moment #ghbhj.. They could do 'Victorian Farm 2' 'Victorian Farm 3: Yet Another Show About The Same Stuff' and I would watch them all #ANYWAY.. also I feel like that could be my niche. Like because I'm Very Mentally Ill And Have Very Much Problems and have difficulty managi #ng ''normal'' jobs. But I LOVE menial repetitive tasks epsecially ones I can do with my hands. Like I could peel carrots for hours. I love #sculpting. etc. If I were ever in a position to learn a historical trade I think that could be My Thing. on these shows they always have li #ke 'The One Single Guy In The Entirety Of England Who Still Weaves Baskets Like They Did In Shropshire In 1805' or whatever and they #call him on the show and he's like 'yeah this basket took me 16 hours to make and here's how I do it' and it's like.. god.. I could be that #guy.. Like old style jewelry making. shoe making. all of these little tedious tasks to do crafting sorts of things.#It's just that like... when am I ever going to be in a position to LEARN that? You'd have to know someone who already does it #and be like tutored by them or etc. Which my social issues are a barrier gghhj.. and lack of resources/money to buy supplies. etc #but.. THEORETICALLY.. the dream.. ANYWAY ghhjhj.. I've been very busy all week but will try to do new poll adventure and other #stuff soon. I've had like two appointments and More Things Than Usual so just.. zero social media posting energy whatsoever #I do HAVE posts though.. pictures.. cat things.. costumes.. polls.. it's just.. brain says I have to lay on the floor all day instead #but at least I can ponder the absolute glee of a theoretical life where I am That One Guy in england who can make old ass gloves or etc.#If anyone in the UK has a dying grandpa with a near-extinct skill and YOU yourself don't feel like picking up the trade to pass it to young #er generations.. hmu and help me get citizenship and I will do it for you. even if he's evil and mean. I will MAKE those shoes

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philosophicallie · 1 year ago

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i wish food and the lack of it didn't upset me so easily

#and that it doesnt upset everyone else super easily #i dont mind that we went to lunch and im not even mad that i barely ate im just mad we live in this state and i have no one to even just #give me bread from home #like i have to make that stupid bread myself AND EVERY TIME I MAKE IT I ALWAYS DO IT WRONG #i really fucking hate complaining about this tho because all it makes me feel like is some stupid immigrant when in reality it was never my #choice to come here. the only “good” things thwt have come from being culturally semiAmerican is that i have better queer knowledge and #autistic knowledge and mental health knowledge and the fact that i do have partners here like #in every other sense. if i wasnt an immigrant. maybe id be happy with whqt i have but no i have to always find something that makes me feel #out of place and entirely othered and never accomodated and YET I STILL CANT ASK MY PARTNERS TO COOK FOR ME #i dont even wwnt to eat anymore im not physically hungry even though i can feel the empty numbness inside #vent

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effervescent-fool · 1 year ago

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#really negative vent ahead so Read At Your Own Risk. im being very insufferable rn #spiraling so hard. cant tell u why though #ive genuinely ruined every last one of my relationships #not but doing anything in particular. but thats the problem #*by #im not Doing Anything #im so uninteresting??#like im barely even a person #i dont feel real. no one gains anything from being around me #every time i force myself back into reality im reminded of how fleeting it all is #so i spend all my time in my own mind #and thus let all of my relationships collect dust #i keep telling myself that i can be better that ill be there for people in the morning but i never am #and no one else is living the way i am. i have no excuse for not answering texts #every interaction feels like a burden. i dont want to live like this but i dont see any way out #im not living im just surviving. its day to day. and i dont know how to support others when im struggling to even keep myself alive rn #im fine. this is fine 🙂

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antinausea · 2 years ago

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diabetes tech is so annoying sometimes like dont get me wrong i love my dexcom & my tslim and im very very thankful that i have them and i understand its a privilege to have access to advanced medical technology

but a lot of the built-in “safeguards” are really annoying and frankly unnecessary for most adults. why is my ability to make my own medical decisions being infringed upon by the manufacturers of the devices that are supposed to be assisting us in our care? why can’t i override or change certain settings if i acknowledge the risk associated with that choice?

#why does dexcom put banners i have to swipe away on top of my maps while i drive even though i have it set to temporary banners only?#why does my tslim have an alarm i can’t turn off that overrides my vibrate setting that goes off every 5 minutes at an extremely loud volume #when my cartridge is empty?#im an adult if i determine it is not urgent to refill my cartridge i shouldnt be punished with alerts i cannot snooze for more than 5 mins.#all of my alerts are set to vibrate only. this one is apparently not affected by that setting. it goes off every 5 minutes.#my blood sugar has been low enough for the past hour that my basal would be automatically set to 0 if there was insulin in my pump 🙄🙄🙄#also its wasteful for me to change my cartridge before its empty? its expensive given the cost of insulin and pump supplies?#like i understand it’s probably to protect the company from liability and litigation if someone doesnt refill their cartridge and goes into #DKA and/or dies but as an adult i should at least have the option to snooze it for more than 5 minutes or have it set to vibrate only when #im not asleep or something?????#what if i have a work meeting and ran out of time to change it beforehand??? is my only option to turn off my pump completely until i can #refill it?#what if i was in an earthquake and my cell phone died and my reservoir was empty but i still wanted to use my pump as a dexcom reciever?#do i and everyone around me during an emergency just have to suffer?#what about school shootings. or any situation where someone needs to hide from a dangerous person?#its just inconsiderate of the REALITY of the fact that people with diabetes live real lives that dont 1000000% revolve exclusively around #their diabetes every minute of every day until we die #its condescending and paternalistic and frankly doesnt prevent harm from befalling us.

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alphalesbian · 2 years ago

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#its like every now and again i am brought down by a terrible loneliness and am forced to remind myself i have in fact more or less #been alone in some sense of the word for more than a few years now theres been such incredible lengths of my lived adulthood where ive #been to deal with everything on my plate entirely by myself for the most part. not to say that i have been like Alone ive kept busy and all #but sometimes i have to remind myself its been years and years since ive had what i would call even some kind of community. and its a #necessary pain to reflect that That is probably why routinely i am completely leveled by some loneliness. this goes of course without sayin #a lot of this is circumstance why i would maybe end up so alone but the reality is im often the only one who gets me im often the only ear #can open up to im often the only one there to catch myself slipping the only one there to take care of myself when im hurting or sick or #tired. and its not that i dont ask for help. something something circumstance where i dont get it from other people #hardly a thing worth stopping myself over but the moments where i have to pick myself up by my own bootstraps for the nth time completely i #the dark by myself its hard not to feel small. looked past. even though im really doing quite okay all things considered. still quite #unfortunately alone and equally isolated and drained of any energy to change this or get out and find community (if i had the space and #the time and the money of course dont forget about the money)#and at the deepest reaches of this feeling i can only see cosmically that this is what im supposed to be doing. to some strange effect that #I Am at least on the right path as tucked away small and hidden and invisible as this may make me feel. bc its never a hard contrast to mak #that if i did have the ability to truly embrace and make a change in that regard would i? would i do it right? could i keep it? where would #that take me? and of course the answer is in this state id just fumble it. and be right back here #when do i get to have that fire in my hands unequivocally where i may finally furiously rid myself of this isolation this loneliness either #forever or long enough to make the change from this lack of connection and community i truly have?

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monotonouscigarette · 1 year ago

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Geniuniely not sure if im still sane anymore, but anyways how are y’all doing?

#/j #sorta but not really #ren talks #fun fact i actually do not know if im sane!#cause i have this thing where i fall into like.. actual delusion #i’ve been having it all my life #like when i was like 4 i geniunely belived my bestfriends mom was trying to kill me #why? idk man i was delusional #and everytime she would go up to get something from the house i expected her to either 1. abandon us 4 year olds and let us just kinda die #or 2. come back w a knife and kill me now that i was outa view #when i was like 8 i though there was someone living in my house waiting to kill me watching everything i did etc #there where a bunch of thoose #like my intire life #and i like actualy can’t tell the difference between these like delusions or whatever and reality #like at all #it doesnt matter if it includes real people or things i dont belive in or whatever #like i cant seperate it #i should probably see a therapist #cause like might have schizophrenia or smthn #…im sure its fine tho

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bijoumikhawal · 2 years ago

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Rotating siskarak in my mind again

#Cipher talk #The thing is. The thing is. With the reading of Garak as presented in ASIT and the Nexus and the calling. He's got narrative parallels to #Sisko. Obviously there's the sociopolitical stuff with Hebitians and their history of being enslaved and implied current economic #Disenfranchisement and ongoing cultural suppression and that has some obvious connections to be drawn to Black history (Indigenous history #Is black history and vice versa these are not discrete categories without overlap)#But also like. The relationship to unreality/a reality considered less 'factual' even though it is RIGHT THERE and happening and the divine #Being called to the divine even as you try to run from it. Even as it makes you uncomfortable or even angry #Because it makes your /superiors/ uncomfortable. Because the culture you live with doesn't /do/ that sort of thing #And obviously this is different for each: with Garak his relationship is specifically targeted and oppressed and has been for a long time #Whereas starfleet is discrimatory to Bajoran faith less because it's Bajoran and more because it's idea of equality and being 'modern'#Enough to be in the Federation is flawed and discrimatory towards things like faith in general #And their connections to being Of those faiths is different #Sisko is Moses but he's specifically the version of Moses who says he's heavy of tongue because he doesn't speak Hebrew and doesn't know #How to be Jewish because he was raised in different culture (which is NOT a popular reading)#(Even though heavy of tongue is elsewhere used to mean 'I dont speak Hebrew' pretty specifically)#But let's not get into my grief over how Judaism regards Egypt as Bad and how this has loud & nasty echoes today #Whereas Garak has known what he is since he's a teenager and was raised with carefully hidden philosophy from it #Waoughhhhh

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