#even if it provides only a bit of hope and incentive

[zluckychap]

"shredding" page 6 of 6

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[crying-fantasies]

Zookeeper

Masterlist

Activating in the early morning was easy, Earth and its beautiful sunrises were more than enough to activate movement protocols to catch on to the first rays of sunshine, the apricot smell in the air, the tinted particulates of water still not settling in the dirt, birds flocking above to catch their first meal, dogs yawning in the households’ gardens or the cats stretching in the windows, this was life, it was, his armor trembled slightly by the chilly air entering all systems, followed by the unmistakable scent of your body, taking your image in his processor to his spark, snuggling his face plate over your messed up hair, making it worse by the electric pull of his field and spark; your sleep at these hours has always been the deepest, and Hound takes no offense in it, relishing in the way your arms try to loop around his neck cables, fighting to not let go, “I need to go to the crops, just let me-”, he gives into temptation, snuggling you a bit more as his engines are showered in your warmth, “okay, five more minutes”.

30 minutes go by, and he fights his way out of bed with at least five kisses on his jawline and pressure under his modesty panel as incentives to stay and a still drowsy you in the covers, he feels slightly guilty for leaving you to fight off the cold by yourself but things need to be done already, who knows if the crows are already waiting for their first fuel schedule of the day? Better to go if he doesn't want the rage of the whole gang against him or you.

Easy to say, not to realize, “Ouch”, he has to mimic your onomatopoeia of getting hurt if he wants his work partners to believe they're exacting justice over his tardiness as he fills their feeder to the max, as fast as he can so they can stop the beak attack and avoid getting injured while at it, pretty sure the vet next town will have some questions if it happens again, “ouch, I’m sorry”, his digits open the external terrarium, the aurora snakes as sleepy as you, only one raising its little head when he is noticed, taking the slithering animals and putting them in his neck cables to help it raise the temperature until the sun reaches a good heat.

Once the troublemakers are well-fed for the morning he looks at the plants, thankful as all is intact, crops growing healthy at a healthy range with no snails or insects, took long enough, but no one can deny how nice it is to partner up with the fauna, still, he does believe the lasting fear of humanity in the long run of evolution has a great part in why Mrs. Parish keeps screaming when she catches a glance of the domestic aurora snakes he adopted to control the rodent's increased population, he does feel bad for the rats and mice but it is the way of life, Hound just hopes someday the little mammals would stop assaulting his crops and finally settle in the terrarium he has already done from a few weeks ago, maybe then he could try to manage a positive agreement with them in the same way he did with the crows and the snakes, even when he still isn't sure if the snakes got their benefits in real consideration in the same way the birds did, but yeah, Hound does the best he can to provide a fair place for them.

Hound takes a glimpse at the rising sun, his vents expulsion heated air as his panels retract a little, the early morning sun is finally above, and one aurora moves more energetically so he lets it go to do the job, the snake is smart and experienced enough to move away from the alien plant that is in the center of the crops; Hound mimics the sound of the crows to say “no harm” as he points at the snake and the plant “no touch”, some look at him once their fill is completed, soon going back with their flock to impart the message, with that done he begins to tend to the most delicate plants he can handle without damaging, watching absentmindedly at the pitch of land he hasn't touched yet, maybe he could use it for more crops, or maybe a rice paddy, he can go to the local library and download some knowledge, ask Mister Alunga as he has some on his place, Hound knows that books are good and that he can download, but it is also very important to learn from the people, and mister Alunga may be a tad bit grumpy but he has more experience than most as he is an elder, oh, the crows are over him now, especially the older one, leaving a shiny pebble over his helm, if she does that, then he is forgiven, his digit does its best to give little scratches over her head, “thanks”.

Meanwhile, with coffee in hand and bleary-eyed, you can only sip on the mug while watching Hound play Disney Princess blended with Steve Irvin, and yeah, that's the alien you want to marry.

[kwanzaa-wakanda]

Why you don't know anyone who celebrates Kwanzaa

"Because no one cares"

"Because it's a sham holiday made by a con artist"

"Because it's dumb"

"Because no True African would ever celebrate Kwanzaa."

These are all bad faith arguments. They aren't meant to actually explain why, and do more to devalue the holiday as well as people who celebrate it or at least respect it.

So, why don't you know people who celebrate Kwanzaa? After all, you have so many Black friends, or maybe even you are Black yourself, shouldn't Kwanzaa be everywhere?

This post is a bit long, and some points are explored more deeper than others, but I think this will provide an explanation that's actually pretty fair and common sense. The short version:

Kwanzaa is a newer, anti-consumerist holiday that does not appeal to every single Black person. And that's okay!

1. Kwanzaa is a newer holiday.

Kwanzaa is only about 60 years old. It's not going to be as popular as Christmas. Other holidays, say Veteran's Day, Memorial Day, or Martin Luther King Jr. Day are about as old or even younger than Kwanzaa, so why are they celebrated more widely? Well, it helps that they're all federal holidays with a state structure to back them up. Individual people can celebrate those holidays, but they don't have to, institutions celebrate them for us by giving us time off work and making a public statement (maybe a donation or two). Other than that, those holidays are largely upheld by community events, just like Kwanzaa (more on this later).

The types of family traditions we associate with Christmas take generations to build. Even other older holidays like Mother's Day don't have any real traditions inherently associated with them--we all give our moms a gift but beyond that, everyone engages with it differently.

New holidays need time to catch on. Institutional structures help speed that process along, but Kwanzaa doesn't really have that. So it's going to be slower than others in terms of attracting people.

2. Kwanzaa is anti-consumerist inherently.

In America, consumerism makes up a very large part of how people engage in holidays. Note that I'm not saying "people only celebrate other holidays for consumerist reasons", I am saying that a lot of the driving forces that 'remind' us to take holidays seriously in the US are market forces. We're inundated with advertisements, sales, and decorations that help create a 'feeling' of the holiday (be it Christmas, Valentine's Day, Halloween, etc) which also make it easier to engage with the holiday. We can get the supplies we need at the store. If we don't have plans then there's probably a business throwing a party around that time to keep us entertained. Gift-giving and feast preparation is expressed through buying products en masse so we prepare financially. Holiday specific media sculpts our collective understanding of the holiday's themes even if we don't engage directly.

Kwanzaa, as an explicitlyanti-consumerist holiday, doesn't lend itself to that level of cultural zeitgeist in the US. People exchange gifts and decorate places for Kwanzaa, but commerce during Kwanzaa is typically kept within Black communities through dealing directly with (small) Black Owned businesses. Given that most corporations in the US are white owned, there's very little reason for the market structure to incentive our continued engagement in Kwanzaa. The passive acknowledgement that it's a holiday that exists is the most we can really hope for.

Imagine Halloween without candy sales, Spirit Halloween stores, Halloween parties or costume nights at our favorite restaurants and bars. Imagine no horror movies coming out in October! In a world like that, I and many other people would still celebrate Halloween, but it wouldn't be as easy, and a lot of people probably wouldn't acknowledge it at all, because it isn't as easy.

Kwanzaa explicitly resists the market forces that help holidays stay in our daily lives. We all value our holidays beyond those forces, but we can't deny the very heavy role they play. We can argue that such market forces are morally neutral or even good, but not in this post--whatever your view of holiday consumerism, it's critical to understand that Kwanzaa was organized specifically for people who don't appreciate such consumerism.

3. Kwanzaa does not appeal to all Black people equally.

I think this is one of the hardest points for people both within and outside the community to grasp. The holiday is for Black people, and is meant to appeal to as broad a sampling of Black people as possible. That doesn't mean it will appeal to everyone, though.

The target audience for Kwanzaa is Black people, regardless of nationality, who believe in a shared political unity, heritage, and cultural engagement of all Black people regardless of nationality.

Thing is, not all Black people believe in or value those things. Not all Black people are Pan-Africanist, Afrocentrist, or Black Nationalist, or any other Negritude philosophy. These philosophies are widespread in politics and scholarship, but outside of those dimensions of life engagement with them gets complicated.

You may have heard that "no Africans celebrate Kwanzaa" this is largely true because Africans live in families and communities where their African heritage is already affirmed through other means, including other holidays. Kwanzaa therefore doesn't appeal to them, even if they do believe in all it's themes. Such people may go to Kwanzaa events if invited, but they likely wouldn't hold them for themselves.

Many in the African Diaspora understand their identity most immediately by the region they settled in, and only have a distant sense of African identity. They don't deny being African or having African heritage, but they see being Caribbean, or Brazilian, or American as more relevant. Kwanzaa therefore doesn't appeal to them as it's not specific enough.

Kwanzaa is not closed to any Black demographic and actively encourages all of us to celebrate it. But not all of us will find it appealing.

I would compare Kwanzaa to a holiday like Easter--its a Christian holiday meant to appeal to all Christians equally. But if you aren't church-going and have no children in the family, you probably don't celebrate Easter to any meaningful extent, or your engagement is so personal that it isn't considered very mainstream or traditional.

The point I'm trying to make is: holidays aren't guaranteed to appeal to everyone in their target demographic. Though the reasons why diverge, not every Christian celebrates Easter, not every Black person celebrates Kwanzaa.

4. Communal Kwanzaa celebration is more popular than in-home, but that also carries some drawbacks to it.

Whenever people interested in celebrating Kwanzaa ask me how to get started, I often tell them to look into community celebrations. They're usually put on by churches (perhaps even mosques), community centers, cultural activity groups, or political groups. And therein lies the problem--if you don't live in close proximity to that type of Black community, or the community is invisiblized, then even if there are communal Kwanzaa celebrations to check out you probably won't know about them.

You can't just ask a random Black person about a Kwanzaa event, typically. My advice is to tell people to check out a Black bookstore (and, if available, an African cultural store or an Afro spiritual store). The types of people organizing Kwanzaa events are usually those deeply enmeshed in cultural and political Black discourses, particularly those that affirm an African heritage. But such people aren't found everywhere. In my experience, you can find such people and spaces in most major cities, and so a Kwanzaa celebration probably isn't too far away either. Everywhere else, though...

The only other option to find Kwanzaa celebrations, in my experience, are through Black student clubs in colleges. Not all of them do Kwanzaa activities due to many factors (cost, timing, interest, etc), but my undergrad college did and I know that others throughout the country do. However, such activities may not be open to the public (again, for varying reasons -- cost, timing, interest, college policy...).

When people ask about personal celebration, they usually ask about in-home celebration, treating community celebrations or celebrations in schools as less serious or legitimate. Kwanzaa in general is itself rare, but the idyllic in-home celebration is even rarer -- I myself was raised engaging in Kwanzaa almost entirely through community rather than in-home celebrations (though I started doing in-home for myself in recent years).

---

How, then, should we treat people who celebrate Kwanzaa, or even the non-Black people who don't celebrate it but acknowledge it as a valid holiday?

Honestly, I don't get why that has to be a question. Sure, it's a very marginal holiday, but it's also harmless to treat it respectfully and try and make room in your life in case you ever come across someone who does celebrate it.

I made this post because I often see this idea that people were "tricked" about Kwanzaa. I fail to see what harm has transpired. I don't get why people use their lack of awareness of Kwanzaa or Black communities that celebrate it as a "gotcha" that proves Kwanzaa is a scheme. When I do try to understand the logic underlying this, I come back to this idea that holidays and cultures have to earn respect and validation, that being included in our American idea of "Holiday Time" requires that holidays have a certain number of people we already respect, whom would be offended otherwise.

But that isn't a perspective that I share. I can't say how many people need to celebrate a holiday in America before I stop thinking it an insult or a lie that said holiday be included next to Christmas in a holiday greeting; the number doesn't exist because I don't hold Christmas or Hannukah in so high esteem. I value Christmas in as much as I recognize other people value it, the same is true of Hannukah and Yule (and even the pagan witches I've known didn't celebrate Yule). To me, the only thing one needs to be worthy of consideration as one of The Holidays is to simply be celebrated by people around this time of year.

[atsm-miya]

been seeing a lot of nanako and mimiko hate recently because of the new episode, so i guess i’m gonna rant for a bit on why some people sympathize with their deaths (because oh my god, some of the people hating on them are getting annoying)

let’s first explore nanako and mimiko’s relationship with geto.

they view him as their savior because after getting abused and mistreated by their village for being sorcerers, geto was the one who saved them. in their world where darkness reigned, geto was the light the guided them outside of that worldview and introduced them to a society that has more to offer than just plain old shadows and gloom.

even more so, geto treated them as best as he could. he was a father figure to them. he provided them shelter, food, clothing, and most of all, he gave them a person they could lean on to for comfort and support. in the scene where nanako was brushing geto’s hair, you can see him reading a book. it’s called “colors of a mother” and it is a parenting book, showing you just how much geto cared for and loved them.

with this in mind, we can understand just how much the both of them loved geto. he was there for them when the world let them down. he showered them with love and affection, giving them another reason to continue to live and enjoy life.

they love geto to that point that even if they don’t forgive gojo for killing him, they think it’s fitting because gojo was geto’s one and only best friend. they respect geto and love him so much that it’s no surprise that they want kenjaku dead.

they want geto to be freed. they don’t want him to continue to “live” as someone else, they want him to rest peacefully. you can clearly see that they hate kenjaku for what he’s doing to geto (i.e using his body for his personal gain), which is why they turned to what they thought could solve their problem: ask sukuna to kill kenjaku.

in hindsight, i guess they thought that giving him an incentive would make him more likely to help them, but they fail to take into account that this was sukuna, the king of curses, the personification of evil itself.

for me personally, it was not a surprise that sukuna killed them. i understood long ago that sukuna would never change. he was the villain and he will always be the villain. i highly doubt that he would be getting a character development anytime soon, if ever.

however, despite not being surprised, i still felt sorry for them. just imagine, you are feeling helpless and you think you’ve finally solved your problem by asking another person for help, only for that person to kill your twin beside you before killing you as well. it’s messed up, but it’s life in the world of sorcerers and curses.

nonetheless, even with those reasons, people aren’t immune to being emotional whenever they see someone get killed. sure, nanako and mimiko have killed plenty of people already, but they are teenagers who just want their father to rest instead of getting paraded around by an evil curse who took their father’s corpse.

this does not excuse the twin’s actions, but people are allowed to sympathize with characters who go through grief and death.

hope this helps. 👍

[utilitycaster]

So, not gonna lie, I’m having trouble understanding this arc and what story the cast is telling, I’m hoping you can help me understand a little bit, are the gods good or bad? Should we be against them? Or is it a thing of “even the gods can make mistakes, their not above criticism and analyzation. And this is humanizing them.” I don’t know, I’m confused.

Hi anon,

If I may, you cannot know the exact story that’s being told by an ongoing improvised show until it completes, and stories for adults often do not have a clear good/bad split but rather encourage you to draw your own conclusions. As a result, I think it is impossible to answer the question that was asked, but I can try to provide some insight.

In Exandria, there are both good and neutral-aligned gods (Prime Deities) and evil-aligned gods (Betrayer Gods), and these gods explicitly oppose each other; they have only rarely come together as when, along with the primordial titans (post-Schism, loosely allied with the Betrayer Gods) they sealed Predathos. The Ruby Vanguard is against all of the gods, whether Prime or Betrayer, and in favor of Predathos. In the past, most heroic characters we’ve seen have been affiliated with either the Prime Deities or with entities who are neither, and most villainous characters we’ve seen in the past that were associated with a god were associated with Betrayer Gods.

During this arc, we’ve seen a lot of people’s opinions on the gods, and we’ve seen the actions of various people, affiliated and unaffiliated, with the gods. But we’ve actually only quite briefly seen the gods themselves, during FCG’s two castings of Commune, and the Dawnfather’s visitation upon Deanna. So, in the interest of guiding people towards developing their own conclusion on the gods: Would you form an opinion based solely on the opinion others have about something? Or would you take into account their biases, their reputations, and the structures of their arguments, and if possible, go straight to the source?

The Ruby Vanguard and Paragon’s Call, as well as people who have found meaning in Ludinus’s speech, have fallen into three broad categories:

Some, like Tuldus or the people of Hearthdell, have suffered at the hands of those who worship the gods. Whether this is the will of the gods or not is unconfirmed.

Some, like Liliana Temult, and possibly Ludinus Da’Leth, have suffered in life in general, and see this as a failure of the gods. This in fact touches on the question of theodicy (“if there is a god, why does evil exist/occur”) which has been a core question of religious philosophy in the real world for at least four millennia. I do not think we are going to be the ones to answer that definitively.

Some, like the various underlings at the Tishtan site, are merely apathetic. The gods don’t mean anything, good or bad, to them, and they are getting paid to help build and protect the key, so who really cares what happens.

The player characters we’ve seen this campaign have, with the occasional exception of Imogen (whose opinions fall weakly towards the middle category), either been in favor of the gods; apathetic but have not been given any incentive towards releasing Predathos; or apathetic/neutral but have suffered at the hands of those who worship Predathos. Indeed, one can argue that everyone except Deanna and FRIDA have suffered in some way at the hands of those who worship Predathos by being teleported at random. Certainly all of Bells Hells has by being attacked and in some cases murdered.

Now: I think that the point of this exercise is to help you make your own decisions, but I’ll reveal my bias. I think the most consistent message of this arc is what Ashton, Orym, and Laudna have been saying the entire time: regardless of whether the gods are good or not, as individual entities or as a greater system of power, people have always had free will. And regardless of whether the gods are good or not, Ludinus, Otohan, and other members of the Ruby Vanguard have slaughtered innocent bystanders without a second thought. I think the most important takeaway is that the primary source of both good and evil in the world of Exandria is, and always has been, mortals. The gods of the story are real within the story, but from the perspective of an outside viewer? This seems almost purely metaphorical to me. If things are less than ideal - if parts of complex systems have at times perpetuated harm, perhaps - should we introduce an unknown force with its own unknown potential to do harm to destroy them? Or should we work to address the issues within the existing system and at the very least gather considerably more information before asking something that might be even worse to rescue us?

[romirola]

Headcanons for the Shaw Pack Co-hosting a Red Moon Association Blood Drive

Another blood donation, another day I lowkey hope that the nurse who takes my blood is named Vincent, Sam, William, or variations thereof. I didn’t see any Solaires at the drive today, but I’m sure they were around somewhere.  

I’ve posted about my headcanon that Sweetheart donates blood both on tumblr and in a fic called Cross My Heart. Then, I ended up fleshing out a little bit more about vampiric blood drives that the Red Moon Association, a charity founded by William and run in part by Sam, in a fic called Packed with Love. In that fic, David expressed the Shaw Pack’s commitment to supporting the RMA’s mission to provide a constant supply of blood to vampires living outside of cornerstone cities who don’t have access to blood bags or live donation events. I started thinking about what that support might look like… 

David: David serves as the recovery area attendant. He ensures that after people donate, they feel well and are provided ample hydration (water and a variety of juices) and snacks (including pretzels, peanut butter crackers, fruit gummies, chocolate-chip mini muffins, and more.) David selects the options with care, always making sure that everyone will like something. Occasionally, donors get shy about helping themselves to food and drinks. David, however, is not shy about informing donors of the importance of eating and drinking afterwards. Likewise, if a donor tries to skip out before they recover for  the recommended 15 minutes, David will persuasively remind them to sit down and wait for their own good. If someone begins to feel faint or dizzy, David will be at their side and call over a healer/healthcare provider to evaluate. When there is a lull or a no-show for an appointment, David rolls up his sleeve and provides his own blood through the traditional donation method, even though he detests medical procedures.  

Angel: Angel volunteers to give blood, though as an informed unempowered person, they actually opt to provide a live feeding as their donation. They had a vampire phase when they were younger and never really got over it. Angel likes to assure the vampires, especially the ones who were turned recently, that the process can be enjoyable for the donor and that a vampire should never feel guilty for taking blood ethically, because that’s how they survive. Their friendly, extraverted nature not only helps the vampire who feeds on them that day, but also encourages vampires to return for future live feedings. Angel’s preferred biting spot in the left side of their neck. 

Asher: Asher is responsible for deciding on and distributing the incentive for donors. He takes this job seriously, spending hours designing an exclusive T-Shirt, a trendy thermos, a handy tote bag, or something else, plus a matching sticker set, that sports the Red Moon Association logo. Once he finishes creating the product, Asher also ensures that he orders enough items for every appointment (plus extra in case there are walk-ins) in every size available so all donors can feel excited to show off their new merchandise. Asher will also donate, as long as Babe reminds him to schedule an appointment in time. He is open to donating either through a traditional method or as part of a live feeding. 

Babe: Babe serves as the one who checks donors in when they arrive. Babe has the job down to an art. Armed with two touchscreens/scanners, their trusty calendar, a mug for of pens, a stack of informational pamphlets about donation options, best practices, and the RMA’s mission, Babe makes sure everyone knows exactly what is happening, when it is going to happen, and where to sit as they wait for it to happen. Like David, Babe will also donate via the traditional method to fill in any gaps, though sometimes, their high blood pressure level prevents them from donating. 

Milo: Once the drive date and time is set, Milo is the one who gets the word out to all of Dahlia. He designs and disseminates ads that promote the drive to reach potential donors and potential live receipts. He also keeps a listserv of all past donors and periodically sends email updates about the upcoming drive, which means that Milo must also be responsible for any questions people might have about donating or scheduling an appointment. For those not comfortable with technology, Milo also will schedule them for a donation on the phone and then manually input the information into the system. Milo has tried to give blood in the past, but after being turned away due to his hemoglobin levels repeatedly, he has realized that a successful blood drive requires all types of support, and that he plays an important role even without giving blood. 

Sweetheart: Sweetheart has been a regular donor since they began their career at D.U.M.P. to support the vampiric community, so they are a pro when it comes to hydrating and maintaining a healthy iron level pre- and post-donation. They always make sure to time their donations so that they will be eligible for the RMA drives that the Shaw Pack hosts because they love the chance to spend time with their pack while helping others. Sweetheart has a collection of incentive gifts they have earned over the years. They prefer to donate through the traditional methods, though if asked, Sweetheart will agree to a live feeding (preferably via their wrist.) 

Darling: Darling, too, is a frequent donor as they want to do all they can to support Sam’s work with the RMA. Darling has found that when they donate, they prefer to do so in their wolf form. They claim that being in their wolf form prevents any bruising, but Sam suspects they just like the chance to show off. When they finish their donation and can move freely about the area, Darling will often check to see if anyone is nervous or scared at the sight of needles/blood. If someone is struggling, Darling likes to offer their services as an emotional support wolf to help distract them until the donation is complete. Afterwards, they might shift into their human form for a moment to remind the donor that their fear doesn’t undermine the courage they showed by making the donation or the gift they’ve provided to vampires in need. 

Sam: Sam serves in a leadership position for the RMA, so Sam organizes the drive. He arranges for the proper funding so that empowered healers and informed, unempowered healthcare providers are present and fully staffed. Sam also oversees that the donated blood is delivered safely to wherever it needs to go and coordinates transportation so that vampires living in non-cornerstone cities can attend the drive to participate in a live feeding. It’s a lot of constant work, but nothing makes Sam happier to see everyone come together to help and to support those in need. 

[spewagepipe]

Plumbing the Depths: Low Trust "Traditional", Part 3: What is Trust?

Hamilton says that blorb is a "low trust" style, and FKR is a "high trust" style. He also clearly thinks that one is bad and the other good, respectively, but when he attempts to explain why he thinks this, it's as if he loses all capacity for rational thought. His sentences become incoherent, and he derails into an oblique reference to an OSR-versus-Forge beef that hasn’t been relevant to anyone in over a decade. So let's lend him a hand with this.

As a game design concept, Trust encompasses both it's normal vernacular meaning, and also a specifically game-related meaning: Trust is the extent to which everyone at the table is "on the same page" – we're interested in telling the same sort of story, we're cognizant of what one another are hoping to get out of the game, and we're going to try to make decisions that help one another achieve those hopes. This all sounds great, right? A recipe for a fantastic time.

So, of course, here's the problem: a "high trust game" refers to a system that can only be played in a high trust environment. If we have differing expectations, if we miscommunicate, if someone happens to be in a bad mood – the game falls apart around us.

A low-trust game, by contrast, is a game for which "trust" is basically irrelevant. The game states its own expectations, it outlines the procedures of play, it provides incentives to reward the desired player behaviours – you can play it with complete strangers or even with people you don't especially like, and it will still function (and, if it's a good game, it might even be fun). You can also, of course, play it in a high-trust environment, and that might enhance the experience considerably – but that's not a prerequisite.

Almost (almost) every game that has ever been designed by humans is a low-trust game. Chess, poker, pick-up sticks, kick the can, celebrity, tennis... any game with clear rules and clear objectives is low-trust. High-trust games do exist though! Captain May I?, Simon Says, Dungeons & Dragons, and countless theatre/improv games depend heavily on trust, and can strain or erode the trust of participants if not played carefully. One common feature of many (but not all) of these games is the fact that they involve placing one participant in a role of authority over the others. The risk that this "game master" could abuse that authority creates an inherently trust-testing situation.

FKR and OSR theorists will almost always treat "low trust" as a kind of disparaging remark, but it's a bit like someone who lives in a lean-to being snobby toward someone living in a brick house. Low-trust games are harder to build, but ultimately way less fragile.

And good news! Nowadays, RPG communities have developed folk rituals like "session zero" and safety/communication tools to shore up the weaknesses of high-trust games. It's not a silver bullet, but sometimes, all you need to do to convert a high-trust game into a low-trust game is to write these techniques and procedures into the rulebook.

[dreamcatcher-roulette]

Anonymous asked:

Hullo, hope you're doing well and enjoying the comeback and the albums 🤩🤩 looking forward to when they'll show up in roulette!

Pls feel free to ignore as this may be a little dumb, but I figured you might know?

From what I can vaguely understand from Wiki and from your past response, can I assume TV broadcast files are usually .ts files? And that it's not the file type that dictates the "quality," but rather the encoding?

There's a Twitter account (😭 I forgot which, it's lost on my timeline now) that occasionally posts .ts files of DC's music show performances, the most recent file being :

240718.MnetJP.엠카운트다운.드림캐쳐.JUSTICE.H264.AAC.1080i-AbySSS.ts

Going off the name and what you've mentioned before about "best quality" where 1080i h264 is better than Youtube, would this file probably be better than downloading the YT video of the same performance?

Fake ask again to strip links because I'm really good at being unnecessarily paranoid but YES! I am having a blast. Siyeon’s absence is felt but it's nice to see her still pop up in some of the YouTube show performances. Handong is totally killing her parts too though so it's been fun seeing that 😁

On the question of quality:

(Minor point of clarity: the encoding is an aspect which determines the quality but not the only one. The simplest quality measure is probably taking into account encoding AND bitrate, where bitrate is the amount of data being displayed per second and encoding is how efficiently it's compressed. Technically the best quality is the highest possible bitrate with zero compression but that's just not feasible, so this is where encodings come in. Newer encodings are, as a rule of thumb, better quality than older ones at "sensible" bitrates, but, as in the case of YouTube for example, a much lower bitrate can make a newer encoding look much worse than an older one. That's why in my quality ranking YouTube was beneath MPEG2 - YouTube is almost all h264 for 1080p, which is newer than MPEG2, but the bitrates drag the quality down the drain.)

Generally 1080i recordings, in their "rawest" form, are MPEG-TS (.ts) files, yeah. 4k are more commonly posted in MP4 though I've found. I'm speculating here based off my own experiences (I haven't ever asked anyone who does this if this is the true reason) but I think that's because MPEG-TS just isn’t efficient enough at high bitrates to provide a very pleasant viewing experience. Let me demonstrate using a convoluted metaphor:

Say you’re a marble vendor and you are looking to transport two blue marbles and two red marbles to one of your clients. You need a container to send them in. Because these marbles are quite precious you want to make sure that they are sent in a well fortified box, but you also care about fitting as many boxes as possible into your supply trucks, so you don't want to waste any space inside of them. You pack all four marbles tightly into the box and seal it up.

When your client receives their shipment, they open it up and can easily see all four marbles in the box. There isn’t much incentive for them to move the marbles since, even though the box has a bit of a heavy hinge, it's not really that big of a deal and any other box would incur some cost in opening it too. They place the box on their shelf and don't worry about it any further.

Now imagine you want to send a client one hundred thousand marbles. But your boxes still only fit four marbles each. The transportation is easy and efficient because the boxes stack nicely (assume for a moment you also have an extremely efficient marble box packing machine), but, once they all arrive at their destination, your client doesn't want to search through hundreds of boxes trying to find the marble they are looking for. They want to move all those marbles to a much bigger and well sorted marble... Okay I really don't know what people normally store hundreds of thousands of marbles in. But the point being that even though all the marbles are still the same, at a certain volume the transportation container was no longer optimal to keep at the destination. 4k HEVC .ts files are HORRIBLY inefficient at rendering even on relatively good hardware and moving the data to MP4 has huge performance benefits.

So the file extension of the source doesn't matter? Well I still think it does, psychologically. I would always trust a .ts more than a .mp4 at 1080i. It isn't possible for you to know, without the original, that what the uploader did was a remux (changing the container) rather than a re-encode (a lossy operation which, best case scenario, produced an output that looks equivalent to the human eye because nothing crucial was lost). Well intentioned people accidentally re-encode to MP4 all the time without realising what it does to the integrity of the file. It's much less likely someone has had the same mishap in the other direction because .ts is not a commonly desired destination. So even though a remuxed MP4 is identical in quality to it's MPEG-TS source, in order to avoid other people's translation errors I would always trust an available .ts first.

That file, assuming it is what it says it is, would absolutely be better than downloading the same performance from YouTube. YouTube has done a lossy re-encode on the video the broadcaster uploaded and will not ever serve you the original. A really obvious symptom of this is the file sizes. YouTube will always be a lot smaller. (For the same encoding. Which by the way you can find out by using Media Info. AVC=h264, HEVC=h265) It's pretty noticeable to the human eye in motion, so it can be a fun exercise to play the two side by side and compare. It's also noticeable on a frame by frame level if you use a player that lets you do that.

But yeah, in summary, YouTube's version of that performance will be unquestionably worse. On average it will be missing 3/4 of the information stored in the original. Which, because of how cool compression is, actually still produces a pretty decent image, but it falls apart in motion and really if you are an individual wanting to watch something for your own enjoyment instead of a big company trying to optimise their bandwidth usage there's just no need to sacrifice those pixels.

[randomnumbers751650]

That post on Superman made me think why I’m writing my novel. Since it’s from a work that I haven’t got to finish (got sidetracked because I decided that I should write a fanfic where an idol reincarnates as a mech pilot), I’ll put under Read More.

I mentioned in the tags that gentleness is underrated strength in our current time (among others). Maybe I was just being a boomer when saying this, so you can ignore that, but still why do many people complain? I studied heroism and heroes from an academic point of view and I know that the monomyth/hero’s journey is bullshit.

In my novel, Mara is a loser. Both before and after going to Tabula. Before, she’s poor, ugly, unhealthy and perceives herself to be unloved and unlovable (she thinks her mom hates her and she’s only partially right). After that, nothing changes; even if she gets the “solution” to being poor, ugly and unhealthy, everyone there is brainwashed to serve her and those aren’t either freaking hate or pantshittingly fear her.

But one thing that I want to include is Mara losing all intellectual debates and discussions. I always hated the trope of small kid humiliating everyone else. Mara is just a teenager, she only doesn’t flunk because she’s studying in the literally worst school in all of Tokyo, they’re too apathetic to flunk kids there. Of course she has no capacity to win against an intellectual debate (1).

Returning to Mara, she has a few things: faith, kindness, gentleness. She’s the very definition of a good girl and that’s what being tested here. Tojava is doing all those things because, while she believes in the good potential of mankind, she thinks the best course of action is removing mankind’s ability to choose evil, no matter the cost. Mara has to be tempted to either agree with Tojava or become bitter and closed to the world (because she isn’t becoming a villain, she has no drive for that).

But I’m aiming for a third choice. Mara is a devout Catholic, but, in the beginning she’s one because it fulfills a need in her life (God is love), so she doesn’t really know why she is one. Her time in Tabula will test that and many times she’ll feel God has abandoned her. But through perseverance she has to learn she can’t be someone passive; if God is love, you have to put that in practice. Otherwise, her defeat is guaranteed because those fancy powers are temporary.

That’s what makes Superman so interesting as a character: he has a lot of fancy powers, but they don’t really define who he is; rather, they provide even more incentive for him to be kind, gentle, compassionate. And I hope to do something like that in my novel.

(1) There’s an academic edge to this, which is fitting because I work in the field. Aristotle taught us that debates can be won and the one who lost should submit (I only read his Poetics, but this I’m saying from a former pastor of mine who said this to me, who, in hindsight, was a bit too much interested in winning arguments, and whose church I don’t go anymore for a large variety of reasons and I don’t regret anything), but the more I study philosophy of science, the more I see that, from a technical point of view it’s impossible to win a debate because we’re always discovering new things in science that might make old debates outdated. It’s like attributing magical properties, the final word of a debate is a conversion spell. I won a debate once, when I had facebook, against a contact who always won against me; I managed to trap him and win…we stop talking (he was another who put way too much interest in winning debates), but even after “winning”, I felt it was one of the emptiest experiences of my life. Contrast with Ayn Rand, another person who had a bit too much faith in the miraculous properties of debates, and a big fan of Aristotle, who loved to create strawmen for her characters to beat subhuman antagonists; and whose biographers said it was invincible in debates, but her invincibility was more because it made the other realize “why the hall am I taking to her?” and just move on with their lives. This is why I hate the trope of "super genius defeats so-called wise men", because it's just so self-indulgent in a toxic way, even when I agree with the winning side.

[saltedlimes]

The military has a ton of benefits so I totally understand wanting to join it for that but something to think about is: why does it have all these benefits, why is this the best option available to you?

Jobs offer extra incentives and benefits when the work itself is shit. University educations could be freely subsidized for every Canadian, but not doing that allows universities to make more money and the government to steer people towards the labor they're looking for the most. And since Canada's economy is so deeply tied to the US - I mean what other neighbors do y'all have - it is then deeply invested in protecting the US economy, which is built on the imperialism we're all talking about. Imperialism isn't just "when you are racist and mean to other countries" it's aggressively protecting the empire's ability to continue maximizing the wealth it can extract from its tributaries and crush political dissent that would endanger their bottom lines.

For example, if a global south country wanted to nationalize its main industry so it can provide healthcare and education its people, just as your country is currently doing, the leaders proposing that will be swiftly penalized and there might be more negative (propaganda) coverage about that country. Canada is purchasing your consent with this state of affairs by providing you with these nice gun laws, reproductive rights, university educations and healthcare services - some benefits are for all Canadian citizens, and some are only given to military folks because it needs to work even harder to convince you to be okay with potentially killing people.

Even if you claim to only have fighting as your purpose in life, killing other people is hard to do - which is why imperialists work hard to convince their citizens to dehumanize the other. It's already working right now, if you can't conceive of their suffering to be worth more than your access to the best future you can see, which envisions you and your circle living well without having to care about the global community you are crushing underfoot. I'm also curious why you would claim you have nothing to do with your life other than fight, because in your defenses you are apparently not fighting anyway and justifying your complicity by showing us how clean your hands are. It sounds like all you do is hang out with your military bros and work out which honestly tracks because my brother joined the US Navy for a lot of the same reasons you're offering and all he does is work out and play WOW. He also started out much more sceptical and I watched him turn into an ultra patriotic war apologist over the several years he's stayed in. Leaving now if you can is going to be better than leaving later.

You can hang out with your friends and work out with another job, I promise you. There are communities of veterans who have left the military as conscientious objectors, if you really feel like you can only relate to military bro types. But don't fool yourself into assuaging your consciousness thinking your actions are not as harmful as they could be, because you can also be taking much less harmful actions. It might be that all you're doing is sitting at a military base, but imperialists have military bases everywhere in the world to maintain dominance over regions and deter dissent, not to actively kill locals (although that still happens, nevermind the sexual violence and criminality soldiers will engage in when they can do whatever they want with the impunity that comes with being a soldier of imperialism).

I know everyone and their mother is talking to you about this rn but I do hope you read what I'm saying and think on it a bit. And also maybe do some research on what indigenous peoples have to say about the Canadian military so you can be more informed of what you are currently a part of, especially if you're so sure it is so much more preferable than the US military.

[kiratrajsingh]

Kirat Raj Singh Decrease Your Electric Bill With A Few Tips On Green Energy Use

Kirat Raj Singh Qualified tips provider. In this economy, every home owner can benefit from being frugal, and using green energy is a great way to accomplish this. Keep reading for a few great ideas on how you can convert the standard technology in your home to greener energy, enjoy greater savings in your out-of-pocket costs, and reduce your impact on the environment.

A simple way to save energy is to close the curtains. Use curtains or blinds as an alternative. Doing these things will let you use less air conditioning in the summer. By blocking the sun's rays, you will save energy and money.

The U.S. Government makes grant funds available as an incentive for consumers to start using green energy. Contact your local government for more information of programs near you. You may qualify for wind or solar installation with little cost, or possibly you may be able to use it as deduction on your taxes.

When you are not using your appliances, you should make sure they are turned off. If you are in a room, make sure that the light is turned off when you exit. If you leave your home, ensure the TV is turned off. These little things can greatly decrease the amount of energy you use in your home, which will leave you with some extra cash in your pocket at the end of the month.

Remember that solar panels, whether you install them on your roof or anywhere else on your property, must be angled toward the sun to receive maximum exposure. In the Northern Hemisphere, this means facing them south with an angle of latitude plus fifteen degrees. Otherwise, your investment will not return as much energy as you hope.

Buy a box of Ziplock quart size baggies and use these to make your own snacks. Whether you enjoy a bit of trail mix, Chex Mix, or a tasty muffin, you can use this bag and wash it when you get home to use the next day. Keep your snacks green by washing and reusing these baggies for your snacks until they are too worn.

Kirat Raj Singh Professional tips provider. Try using cold water in the washing machine whenever it is possible. 90% of the energy used by washing machines is for heating up water. Because of this, using warm water will just increase your monthly utility bill and decrease the amount of money you have at the end of the month.

A very easy and cheap way to save on your high energy bills is to try installing some low flow shower heads and faucets. Switching from the standard, 2.5 gallon/minute shower heads, to the low flow 1.5 gallon/minute ones, can help you save a lot with your hot water energy costs.

Many people who own homes with air-conditioning fail to realize how much energy is used by these units. If you have an air-conditioned home, consider a greener way of cooling off by saving the energy used to cool the air. Try to save air-conditioning for the hottest days. Keep blinds and drapes drawn during the hottest hours and open windows and doors after the sun goes down. Ceiling fans can also help a great deal!

A wind turbine could help you cut down your electric bill by as much as 90%. Before you invest in this type of equipment, find out if the wind is strong enough to produce the amount of energy you need and get a professional to help you choose the right size of turbine.

The average washing machine uses a lot of hot water. It can use over 30 gallons each load. Cut down on its hot water usage by washing in cold water. Many people struggle with this because they insist on having the water warm. If you're one of them, try replacing your machine with an Energy Star unit. Many modern detergents clean clothes really well at low temperatures.

Switch all of your home's light bulbs to more energy-efficient ones. Even though they may be more pricey than normal bulbs, they will save you money in the long run, by lowering your electricity bill. They not only produce more light than other bulbs, but they also last much longer.

Kirat Raj Singh Expert tips provider. Hiring professionals, such as a heating professional or plumber, to come to your home can lay any doubts you have about green energy to rest. They will let you know how costly your appliances are, and they can give a detailed estimate on how much the costs will be to replace or upgrade your existing systems.

Insulating the home can prove to be really helpful in reducing your home's energy usage. Insulation can help keep heat inside the home during the cold winter months. In addition, it prevents the heat from entering your home during the summer. If your home's insulation is lacking, then you should make sure you put in more of it.

Make use of the natural sunlight for great green energy savings. Install solar tubes in your home which take the light from outdoors and bring it inside so you do not need to use lamps and other lighting sources as often. These are relatively inexpensive and are great for increasing the value of your home.

Upgrading the windows on your home can go a long way with saving your money on energy costs. If you do not have energy efficient windows on your home, you could be paying an extra ten to twenty-five percent on your energy bill each and every month. Think about what kind of difference that could make if you upgrade your windows in conjunction with other energy-saving steps.

By weatherizing your home, you can improve its energy efficiency. By making some simple improvements like adding a bit of foam insulation or sealing drafty windows, you can improve the comfort level of your home and decrease your energy usage. By making these changes, you will make your home more energy-efficient, thereby, saving money on your utility bills.

Kirat Raj Singh Top service provider. Now you should be well prepared to set about the task of turning your home into a green energy machine! Try some of the tips featured in this article today, to start saving money and feeling better about yourself and how you are preserving the resources of the planet,as well as, keeping it cleaner!

[that-thoughtful-waffle]

Hey Sierra? I just want you to know that you're doing amazing. You're juggling a lot, and you have so much you're thinking about. Please, take a deep breath. You're going to do wonderful tomorrow. You'll knock it out of the park. I know you're nervous, but you're one of the smartest people I know of on this platform. You've done the work. You've put in the effort. You're passionate about your subject. You'll do great.

Additionaly, while your paragraphs were definitely a rant, I wouldn't consider them toxic. I recognize how you might consider them toxic and/or sexist, but I want to say that personally, it doesn't come off that way.

You, along with many others (including myself to an extent), are in a position where you can recognize and identify societal issues and biases that may not be clear to others. It can also be extremely frustrating when people don't take you seriously or ignore you.

But I would argue that most people don't disrespect and disregard others intentionally. Perhaps that's a naive assumption, but I prefer to be hopeful in my naivete.

If you want someone to do something (like not disrespect or disregard), there are usually three things that are required: mutual respect, mutual understanding, and mutual effort.

Mutual respect is necessary because people usually lose respect for others who don't respect them, and if someone doesn't respect someone else, there is little incentive for them to do what the other wants. This is probably the hardest of the three to solve and arguably the most important, as the others rely on respect to move forward. Respect is kinda like a currency; if you need someone to respect you, you may be able to borrow their respect for someone else, but that's still not a perfect solution.

Mutual understanding is necessary because if people don't understand why an action is being taken or if they don't understand what action needs to be taken, then they may not sufficiently complete the task in front of them. Mutual understanding is a mutual responsibility. If one party misunderstands, that is both the fault of the person conveying the information and the person receiving the information. Peer review your information.

Mutual effort is necessary because issues are rarely, if ever, solved by knowing the issue. Knowing the issue is only part of solving it. If only one party puts in effort, then the other party may be discouraged or fail to complete their portion of the solution. Effort does not need to be equal, but it does need to be present from both parties. If someone is putting in an effort to not deadname someone else, then an effort should be made to provide positive reinforcement for that behavior.

Without these three things, very little will get done.

On a vaguely related note, I recognize that boymoding is a necessity right now, and you talked a bit about how you know that some people know, but you don't know who knows. In this regard, I understand that your lack of knowledge and understanding of the situation is distressing you. If a definite social transition is important to you, maybe before you just tell people what's up, you could just talk to them and ask them what their feelings on gender or other related subjects are. It may clue them in, but it's not outright telling them, and it may ease both your mind and their understanding when you do socially transition. Similarly, if you are feeling emotionally confined, then maybe ask if you can be vulnerable with them(esp. if it's just one person at a time, im 99% sure that they'll say yes). If/when they say yes, tell them that emotions have been stressing you out bc you feel like you don't have an outlet when things are distressing. Ask if you can organize vent/hangout/nail sessions when you can just complain about whatever's on your mind to each other. Then, if or when you hang out and ask to vent, complain about the stupidest things. Things that aren't ultimately that important. The act of venting itself, even if you can't vent about what you want to vent about, can be cathartic and help destress even if it's only a little.

I recognize that most people usually rant to vent and aren't looking for suggestions and instead want people to listen and support them, but it distresses me when I see someone in distress; I want to help, but if you don't like my suggestion or if you've already tried it, or whatever really, then just disregard it. I understand you have a plan, and I totally understand if this would get in the way.

You're gonna do amazing tomorrow(maybe today by now bc this took me a while to write). I just know it. Thanks for reading all of this if you did. <3

P.S. It felt weird to address you by name, but I felt like it may draw your attention and focus you more on what I said next. Sorry if it was unwelcome.

P.P.S. Writing P.S.s feels weird bc this is not the format for it. Whatever, it's written now.

P.P.P.S. make a note of everything you need to bring with you before you actually need to gather everything. Maybe you won't need it, but stress can make people forgetful. And notes are good ways to not stress about remembering things.

P.P.P.P.S. The last PS was not advocating for you to cheat. Alright? You'll do great even without cheating. Also, it's seriously not worth it.

P.P.P.P.P.S. I kinda don't know how to end this now, soooo bye ;3

Boymoding is getting exhausting.

And yay, toxic thought time that's going to be anecdotal and probably come off as somewhat sexist. But I hope it doesn't.

The thing that's really wearing down on me is emotional responses, I think. When cis women cry or show emotion as part of their daily routine, it's still taboo, but often accommodated more than others. I'm going through a lot of emotional swings right now, and there's a very stark difference in how those are treated vs how it's treated in others. And I don't know if that'll ever change, tbh, but hopefully at least someone will acknowledge that it's rough. Even with the good, close friends I have, there very much is a gap in what level of emotion elicits sympathy vs ignoring it or treating it as an overreaction in men vs women. I'm a "man" now, and simply don't get the space for that emotional support as a casual daily thing. It's not uncommon for people in academia to cry or be overwhelmed and anxious, and it's becoming more and more obvious how that's treated in men vs women. It's always a thought I had in the back of my head, but I'm noticing it a lot more now that I'm outwardly a man but have a lot more visibly emotional moments.

Its weird. I have made efforts to be more open about bisexuality, and my day to day vibe has gotten fruitier as a result. A lot of cis women friends have gotten closer to me as a result, but they very clearly treat me with a "gay best friend" kinda vibe. Which is honestly fun, but it provides an interesting baseline for the biases people have in how much emotion men vs women are allowed to show, even among good friends.

On the flip side, another thing I'm becoming more acutely aware of (even though I always knew it was a thing, it just feels more pressing now) is how casually women are ignored, talked over, disregarded, etc etc when compared to men in a academia. I've always known this was a problem, but it's been on my mind a lot more recently.

Top all of that off with the endless physical considerations of compressive bras, managing the way I walk, baggy clothes, mitigating dysphoria vs hiding my transition, not accidentally slipping into my shitty voice training voice while going around daily, making time for injections now, taking sublingual pills midday when I was still on those... Yeah. It adds up.

I've tried making my transition an "open secret" by going to social events and queer events femme, and I know word gets around to labmates and such. I just don't know who exactly knows, and the barrier of actually talking to people about it is huge. I really think, for my own sanity, I need to start telling people what's up even before I socially transition.

I'm particularly moody and stressed bc of my qual tomorrow, but yeah. Consider this a toxic unfocused rant. I'll probably have more to say in a more focused way in a couple days.

Oh also. Please don't be like "ooohhh then why are you still boymoding idiot" cuz that's not helpful. There's a right moment to socially transition and I have a plan.

[earthboundvalkyrie]

The Traitors UK - TV Review

New Post has been published on https://www.ebvs.blog/2023/03/16/the-traitors-uk-tv-review/

The Traitors UK - TV Review

Promotional photo: COURTESY OF BBC.

A few weeks ago, I reviewed the US edition of The Traitors, a new show on Peacock that I enjoyed quite a bit. There have been several iterations of the show from various countries, and Peacock is now offering the UK and Australian versions as well. This past week, I binged my way through the UK’s take on the show, wonderfully hosted by Claudia Winkleman, and found it just as much fun as the US version was.

The way the show works is that a group of people are brought to a lavish setting where they complete missions to raise money for the prize pot to be awarded at the end of the show. Certain players are chosen by Claudia to be the Traitors, and the rest are known as The Faithful. The Traitors pick one of the Faithful each night to “murder”, eliminating them from the game. Meanwhile, the Faithful try to determine who the Traitors are, and “banish” them from the show during a nightly Round Table meeting. If the surviving Faithful banish all the Traitors by game’s end, the Faithful will split the prize pot. If any Traitors remain, however, they get the money.

The US and UK versions are very similar, being set in the same castle in the Scottish Highlands, and they use essentially the same missions. These challenges can involve anything from trying to blow up a giant wicker rabbit-monster (you read that right), to finding teammates who have been buried alive, escaping from a rather disgusting cabin within a certain amount of time, defeating a laser field or rolling barrels worth varying amounts of money over some difficult ground. The familiarity of these elements, however, didn’t affect my ability to enjoy both shows.

Programs that pit contestants against each other like this one does can easily become trashy, with some players deciding they’re going to be the show villains, sabotaging other players, creating alliances and then screwing their supposed allies over and otherwise playing down-and-dirty to get the upper hand. In general, I can’t stand those shows. Part of what makes The Traitors different is that – for several reasons – there’s very little of that.

Even though the whole conceit of the show is that a small group of players is trying to deceive the rest, there’s not a lot of incentive for anyone to sabotage anyone else during the challenges. If they want to have any money to win, they have to work as a team. Then, during the downtime, when the contestants can sit around and get to know each other and attempt to suss out the Traitors, the Traitor’s job is to blend in as well as they can. If they go overboard in endeavoring to deflect suspicion away from themselves, it often makes them seem even more suspicious. Of course, some will set out to persuade others they know who is or isn’t a Traitor, and the Traitors have to strategize who they want to murder, but the rest of the time, the atmosphere is largely collegial. The only times they truly play as oppositional forces are when it comes to committing their nightly murders and banishments.

Another thing I like about the show, and which I think helps keep the feeling in the castle lighter, is that the Traitors aren’t self-selected. They don’t volunteer for the part. Claudia chooses them the first night. This provides an extra challenge to the Faithful, as it means they can’t just home in on who seems most likely to want to be a troublemaker, and puts the Traitors in a position they may not have expected.

There’s a lot of psychology that goes into the game, and it’s fascinating to watch how the individuals and their relationships to other players can change. Some build very close friendships, to where they simply can’t imagine that their friend would be a Traitor. Others keep their distance, hoping to avoid that trap. I find this to be the most interesting part of the show. The Traitors have to plan their murders to avoid making their overall strategy obvious, and the Faithful have to figure out – based mainly on who has or hasn’t been eliminated – how they think the Traitors would behave.

All-in-all, I think this is one of the best non-skill-based competition shows I’ve seen in a while, and I am excited to check out the Australian take on it in the upcoming weeks.

[mandomover]

The Rookie

Part 7 - Just another day at the office

Your life has settled into a routine in the office, but when things seem like they're looking up, your brain is right there helpfully reminding you you're still a Rookie in this game, no matter what Javi says. 

Warnings: talk of smoking and drinking, self doubt, swearing

Words: 4000ish

Next ¦ Masterlist

 

When you had come back from Laredo you had walked straight into the office to multiple tips, multiple times, which gave you an incentive to check them out. The raids and investigations were back to back, and didn't amount to much, but the paperwork still had to be done. It was hard, raising your hopes only for them to be dashed when you came back to the office exhausted, a mess, and empty handed. Something had to give, and give soon. 

The bright light in these dark times was you had grown closer to Peña and unbelievably, Murphy. You didn't have a choice when you spent 18 hours of the day with them, huddled over your desks, or drowning your sorrows at the bar together. 

Connie had weaseled it out of Murphy, that neither you or Javi really ate more than what the cafeteria could provide, so she insisted on cooking dinner for you all. It was a welcome distraction, hanging out someplace you could really relax, and you loved the feeling of being able to leave your gun on the side board when you entered the house and not have to be on edge. Connie's cooking was amazing, but made you miss home like crazy, cooking all the staples from your childhood. As you lounged on the sofa after dinner, she would ask you what you missed the most from home, and a few days later, that's what you were eating. She was slowly becoming one of your closest friends, and it was nice to have someone besides Javi and Murphy outside the office, she let you forget about work for a while and she looked out for all of you like it was her own personal mission. 

You loved hanging at the house because even though you would never admit it, your heart burst when you saw the way Murphy and Connie were together. Stolen kisses in the kitchen when you and Javi weren't looking, fingers intertwined under the table while you ate, and little dances later on when the record player whined in the background. 

It was sweet to witness their unabashed happiness, especially when there were so many who weren't in these times. It reminded you of your trip to Texas and how sweet they were together and you loved seeing this side of them. You hadn't seen the vulnerability of Javi since then but essentially living in the office meant he had put that hard mask back on for everyone else. Occasionally, you would see little signs of the softer side of Javi, when your mind went into overdrive and you needed to be grounded. You'd spent so much time together, he obviously just knew the tell tale signs when your brain was screaming at you that you couldn't do this, and he was there to encourage you without even having to say anything, when his soft touch lingered just a little bit longer when he handed you a cigarette. When your heart sank when you signed yet another report to say you had failed he would be near you, his physical proximity calming you, his warm hand finding your own hand or arm for the quickest of squeezes. When you felt alone and overwhelmed in a sea of officers from the search bloc, so many faces you didn't even know, his chocolate eyes would find yours across the room with a wink, just when you needed reminding you had your team and your place amongst these people. 

You had come acclimated to the routine of your days and weeks, as disappointing as they were, you knew what to expect ; a shitty work day, either in the field or paperwork, followed by more paperwork, followed by drinking yourself stupid either at the bar or Murphy's. You hadn't expected you would ever drink this much but you hadn't expected to be on the Escobar case so soon after joining the DEA, so here you were. It was easy to dull your senses this way, forget about work, while Javi did it whatever way he did it - you didn't want to think about it- and Murphy had Connie to annoy. 

So today seemed like any other day. You're shoved in the small, airless conference room with other members of the search bloc for this meeting, but you can't be bothered listening to CIA Agent Owens drone on about whatever it is he's talking about. Something about communism, but you're here for Escobar and you can't quite connect the two whilst in this stuffy room. You yawn, and feel someone's gaze on you. Looking around subtlety, you notice Javi further down the table, chewing on the end of his pen and he rolls his eyes over-dramatically at you. You hastily stifle a giggle and you hear Owens clear his throat behind you, everyone's eyes turning to you. Your face goes red instantly and you feign a coughing fit for cover, looking up at Owens who is giving you a cold, hard stare. 

"Sorry," you mumble, and catch Javi's large grin spread across his face, a dimple in his cheek, who is now choosing to focus on his lap. Bastard. 

Just when you think you might die from boredom at whatever shit he is spouting, Owens takes a seat at the head of the table, and Carrillo stands up. One of his officers hands him a large rolled up tube of paper, and Carrillo dumps it on the table, unfurling it open, leaning on the two sides. It's a satellite map, checkpoints and points of interest marked out in violent red marker. Carrillo runs through a series of plans for the search bloc to carry out and investigate and starts to call names from a clipboard, assigning them to set coordinates. 

"Gringos run point on this, you'll each take on a team of two to three men. Report back to me directly, get your paperwork up to date and we'll focus on this from the 14th."

The hairs on the back of your neck stand. You're getting your own mini team! This is fantastic! 

You've been working for a few weeks with Javi and Murphy under Carrillo's orders, but you're ready for this new responsibility, and to show to Peña, that his leadership has taught you well and you're ready to shed your Rookie skin. And you're ready to hang out with other people; you're sure they're both getting sick of you now, and you're pretty positive Murphy is fake laughing at your crappy jokes just out of politeness while Javi just simmers. 

Carrillo is still chatting about the expectations of the micro teams and you're waiting with bated breath. He obviously trusts the DEA agents enough to back squads and you swear here and now you won't let him down. You'll show him that you're more than capable for the responsibility. You grit your teeth in determination, sitting up a little straighter, excited to hear the rest of Carrillo's talk. 

"Agent Peña, you're with Rodríguez, B34 to checkpoint four, seven and nine. Agent Murphy you're with López and Rojas, D14 to checkpoint two and down to C16."

He calls another few names and coordinates and when he calls your name, you are primed and ready, pen in hand to start scribbling notes on the pad in front of you, eager and excited to hear who you get. 

"Rookie, you're with Diaz and-"

"I think she'd be better on a different team," Javi interrupts. When Carrillo stops and looks up slowly from his clipboard Javi continues. "Give her a bit more time to fine tune her leadership skills. She's not far off but I think her skills could be utilized in another team. Swop her out with Rodriguez and I'll lead her."

Your blood boils as mortification builds as others in the room swivel in their chairs to look at you, and you drop your pen, clutching on the desk, knuckles white. Ignoring the others' gazes, glad it's not them in the spotlight, you spin slowly in your chair to glare at Javi, who is shifting in his seat, deliberately avoiding your eyes. 

Carrillo stays silent for a moment, and you hear him scribble something on his clipboard before continuing.

"Si," he nods. "OK, Diaz, Luna and Rodriguez, you take checkpoint three, five and six; Rookie, you stay with Peña."

You keep glaring at Javi, heart hammering in your chest and fists clenched and he looks everywhere else in the room but at you. The second Carrillo dismisses you all to go back to work, Javi is out the door like a shot and you push past people to catch up. 

You shove Javi hard from behind, and he barely moves, your hand more hurt by that shove than you're sure Javi is hurt, but he stops and slowly turns around to finally look at you. 

"What the hell, Peña?" you growl. 

Javi raises an eyebrow and looks around him as people mill out of the conference room back to their offices, curious eyes on you both blocking the hall. He grabs your elbow, pulling you to the side and folds his arms as he leans lazily against the wall. 

"You've never led a micro team before, least of all a search bloc team. I want you to be as prepared as possible in case you get the chance again so it makes sense for you to be with me so I can bring you up to speed," he shrugs. 

You jab a finger into his chest, "That's bullshit and you know it. Carrillo had a detail assigned to me so he clearly thought I was ready. That has to go through Noonan, and she signed off on it, so what's your fucking problem?" 

He squirms under your scrutiny as you continue, "I'm not in Colombia for a holiday Javi, you know I'm more than capable of handling a few CNPO's and-" 

You stop dead, dread filling your chest and you hiss, "This is because you think I can't handle a few CNPO's isn't it?" 

He squints at you, confusion written on his face. 

"I can't even handle my own gun chasing a suspect so how in the hell will I handle two officers?!" 

"Fuck," he snaps, holding his hands up to stop you verbally coming for him. "It's not the gun. I told you to forget about it. And you've grown since then. I really do think, with a little bit more time, you'll be great, but you need more time. I'm helping you."

"Oh well thank you very much, Agent Peña," you spit sarcastically and shove past him, banging into his shoulder as you pass. 

 You sink into paperwork at your desk, piling boxes up around you so the only thing you have to look at is the work you need to do today. You rack your brain and can find no other conclusion to Javi's decision other than his distrust in your ability to peg a target. You knew it was too good to be true that he would just let it slide and you huff and shake your head. Javi told you to forget it today, and he said the same back then too, but that has to be why. The past few weeks you've been working closely with him, even working closely with Murphy but while Murphy, and other agents came and went, you and Javi were constant. And you had been happy about that. Still new to the DEA and learning from one of the best agents you have worked with to date, it made sense for the Rookie to stay with him. In hindsight though, you realize you had been with him because he was punishing you for your mistake by fucking babysitting you. 

You seeth in insurmountable rage; at Javi for sidelining you, at yourself for being so unfocused in that moment that Javi has felt the need to sideline you, for not seeing the truth about your time with Javi, and at being passed by because you're still the rookie. You might be the new sheep in the flock but you're still an agent and Javi just shot you down without so much as a warning. 

You feel like the time you've been spending with him both in and out of work, which until now felt like a promising friendship, was a pile of shit. You might not have had time for friends while you dedicated years upon years to rising the ranks to DEA agent, but you thought this friendship was real, similar personalities and interests, forged stronger than others because of the time and closeness you had to endure together, and the huge common denominator that was Escobar. 

Javi comes over while you berate yourself and sits on the edge of his desk, peering over the stacks of papers and boxes at you. 

"Rookie." 

You tense, continuing on the report you're filling out. 

"Rookie?" 

You hunch over, hoping he'll get the hint. He does, and sighing, leaves soon after. 

You let yourself get distracted by the reports and files you have to wade through and barely notice if Javi, or anyone else for that matter is anywhere near you until late afternoon when you decide to take a break. 

Deciding to go to the cafeteria for a coffee to help you power through, you push open the double door and see a few people scattered about the tables and you join the back of the queue to order your coffee. When you've grabbed an apple and your drink, you walk over to the condiment table to sweeten your coffee with creamer and sugar. In your peripherals, you notice Murphy and Javi at a table not far from where you're standing. Murphy is inhaling his lunch like someone is going to steal it from under his nose before he can eat it, laughing with Patricia, an admin clerk from the second floor. Javi is leaning against the table, long denim legs stretched out before him. He's looking down at a trim girl with very curly blonde hair you recognise as the new assistant to the ambassador called Cathy. His eyes are creased as he laughs heartily at something she says and she touches him lightly on his arm as she laughs too. You absentmindedly stir your coffee as you side eye the scenario. He leans down to whisper something at her, and she swats his arm playfully, curls bouncing as she throws her head back laughing harder. 

Something about this scene makes your stomach drop and you feel the blood leave your face as you piece it together. Javi is a womanizer, everyone knows that around here and that's OK, each to their own. 

But Javi never has any problem getting women to sleep with him, he's handsome and charming in a dishevelled, 'tortured soul' kind of way. But rarely, if ever, you guess, has anyone ever said no to him. But you did. 

He did say it wasn't due to what Murphy affectionately calls 'weapongate' and although you're still surprised and grateful he has let you off the hook, he might have been telling the truth. You have spent all day thinking it was because of your earliest mistake, but the unreasonable part of your brain has to wonder, did he block your chance to lead a team because he's annoyed at you turning him down? That's a much harder pill to swallow. That he was desperate for a quick shag and you snubbed him and he's angry you did because nobody ever says no to Javier Peña. You honestly didn't think he would care but he clearly cares enough to punish you by telling Carrillo to change the roster in front of everyone, so you have to suffer under him, who will probably give you all the shit tasks to do and punish you more. And it's not like you can go back and beg Carrillo to swop it back, he'll think you're a time wasting, incapable 'Rookie' and squabbling over who is on who's team won't change that; this isn't elementary school for fuck sake. 

Murphy looks up from his empty plate and catches your eye, waving at you, but you turn and stomp out of the cafeteria instead. 

What you don't notice is Murphy nudging Javi and nodding in your direction, and Javi watching your retreating back, shoulders taut and heckled, dumping your full coffee cup and uneaten apple violently into the trash can as you pass by the open doors. 

 

It's a little after eight, and most of the floor has gone home for the day. The desk lamp illuminates papers in front of you but the words are starting to swim together and you're pretty sure you've been staring at the same sentence the past ten minutes. You decided to stay late to distract yourself from your own thoughts, which are threatening to encompass you anyway. 

You've tried all your life to remind yourself you have it better than others. You have a great job you've worked hard for and a loving family who support everything you do. But you've always had doubts. You told Javi as much when you were first going out to the bar together. You've been scared that you weren't enough, that the choices you made weren't the right ones, and you would let your teammates down. So today's display got your brain whirring, making you question if it was because of your Rookie mistake, or because of the time Javi was vulnerable enough he nearly kissed you and you rejected him. 

You close your eyes and roll your neck to relieve the tension gathered there. They snap open when you hear the main office door open and Javi walks in holding a coffee cup and a paper bag. You watch cautiously as he strides over to your clump of desks and flops down in his chair. You haven't moved when you see the stacks of papers dividing your desks, shuffling sideways, nearly toppling over and you reach to stop them cascading onto the floor. 

"Jesus, what Peña?" you frown at him. 

He ignores your annoyed tone, and slides forward the coffee and bag onto your side of the desk with an easy smile. You raise a brow at him and he just smiles bigger, nodding at the bag. You pause before curiosity gets the better of you and you snatch the bag up and peer inside. There is a single Butterfinger bar and you pull it out, brow still raised, and look at Javi expectantly. 

"I noticed you didn't get your afternoon coffee."

"And what the hell is this?" 

"I heard on the grapevine that's what you've been feeling a little homesick and this is your favorite candy from home, so I got in touch with a top secret agent, and got you one," he says smugly with a wink. 

You stare him down, but the shit eating grin doesn't slip, and before you know it, you've broken first, and a smile slips on your own face. He's still smiling as you peel the bar open carefully, holding it like it's a grenade waiting to go off.

You lick your lips, and take a delicate nibble, almost like you don't believe this is really a Butterfinger. It tastes like little pieces of heaven wrapped in chocolate and you roll your eyes and moan in pleasure as the taste infiltrates your senses. You feel a pang of homesickness suddenly and you smile at Javi as you chew. 

"Oh my god, this is delicious, where did you get it?" 

He gulps and a tinge of red appears on his cheeks as he mumbles "don't mention it." Taking another bite you offer it to him and he obliges, leaning over and grabbing the bar from you, chewing off a piece and handing you back the rest of the bar. 

You sit in silence as you finish the bar, ignoring Javi to concentrate on this reminder of home, and then drink some coffee, which you desperately needed and arrived right on time. Javi giving you a hard stare makes you stop and focus on him. 

"What?" you sigh. 

He scratches his chin, pursing his lips. "What's up with you?"

"Nothing."

"'That's bullshit and you know it,'" he mimics from earlier. 

You roll your eyes and repeat with more vigor, "Nothing!" 

He shakes his head, "You can talk to me, you know. About anything. We're friends."

"Funny way of showing it."

"Are you still mad about earlier? Jesus, I told you I'm helping you out, you're just too stubborn to see that." 

"Helping me out," you deadpan. 

"Yes!" he insists. 

You squint at him, "helping, or hindering?" 

He let's out a long sigh and rubs his brow. "I don't see how me helping you is hindering you."

"Helping. Me. How?" you question. 

He stands abruptly, the chair squeaking as he jumps up and moves around the desk quickly to lean down at you, face so close to you your eyes work hard to stay focused on his. 

"If I keep you on my team, I know where you are, what you're doing, and I keep you… safe."

Keep you safe?

You weren't expecting him to say that and your head explodes with questions. 

"I- I don't need to be kept safe, I'm- as good an agent as you, I can hold my own," you stammer. 

"I know you can," he bristles, leaning back away from you, perching gingerly on the edge of your desk. 

"I just don't want to find out you've fucked me over because I, er, said no…" you trail off. 

Javi is still looking at you, face serious. Your heart is beating, instantly regretting bringing this up, especially in work which could jeopardize your relationship, professional or platonic, just to ease your own racing thoughts but fuck it, it's too late now. 

Javi pinches the bridge of his nose, and closes his eyes, body stilling as he sits on the desk. 

You wait with bated breath and when Javi opens his eyes, he finds yours, soft and brown, melting into yours. 

"No hermosa, that's OK," he says gently. "Like I said, I'm looking out for you. No matter how you feel, we're all on the same team and I need you to be alright, so you can go home in one piece."

"Oh," you squeak. Another unexpected remark from Javi. You expected him to explode, grill you for talking like a jackass but he's once again surprised you with his calm honest answer. You feel ashamed for jumping to the conclusion that this is because you turned him down, and for your icy behavior earlier, and embarrassed that he only had your best interests at heart. Of course he wanted you to be OK. This is your Javi. He's sweet and protective of his team and if you went out there and you weren't ready, the guilt would ruin him, and he would be annoyed at himself for letting you go at it alone if you weren't completely capable, coz he works to the highest standards and does whatever he can to get the job done. Javi is probably the most committed DEA agent you know across the board, and has been for many nonths, sacrificing so damn much, and you're just a small pawn in this game; thinking his actions are because of you is so stupidly selfish. Of course he's only looking out for you. Coz that's Javi for you. You're his Rookie and he's got your back.

"Sorry Javi," you whisper meekly up at him. He flashes you his charming smile and stands from the desk, holding a hand out to you. 

"Time to head home," he jerks his head toward the office door, "we have the rest of the week and more for paperwork, gotta take our breaks when we can." 

You accept his hand, and allow yourself to be pulled to your feet, dropping it to grab your purse and flick the desk light off as you pass. 

Tags: I've just tagged anyone who has interacted a few times with this series and I see yiu and very much appreciate it ❤️😘 @iamskyereads @kirsteng42 @wildemaven @ellenmunn @tantamount-treason @axshadows @rav3n-pascal22 @stevie75 @movievillainess721 @lulzbrokenbyfantasy

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[slightlyrebelliouswriter23]

Adding to the Jurdan date thing. Cardan totally holds Jude's hands while they skate. Like Jude is shaking trying not to fall in the middle of the rink and Cardan is just patiently holding her hands

gvskdjdks cuteness overload x10000!! 🥺😭❤️ okay but fleshing out this ice skating date hc with this precious suggestion (and more) cos ice skating is actually my fav date activity and it deserves its own post.

Rating: T

CW: fluff, potentially cavity inducing

My Fic Masterlist  |  Theories and Analysis

Cold Hands (Warm Hearts) | Jurdan Date HC

ice skating is a favourite pastime for Elfhame's most high royal couple.

Cardan first finds himself intrigued by the concept of ice skating after watching Yuri on Ice with Jude and Vivi. the combination of music, dance, a dramatic sense of fashion, and the small thrill of balancing on what are effectively knives on a slippery surface give him all the incentive he needs.

he implores Jude to try it with him.

cos, ya know... she likes knives and all.

Jude, on the other hand, only agrees to go because it'll be either 1) a fun thing they can learn together, or 2) hilarious to watch Cardan bust his ass on the ice.

(lbr she secretly hopes for #2)

but to her dismay, she couldn't have been more wrong.

they mostly go to the indoor rink in the mortal world at the beginning because the rink provides patrons with skates.

as it turns out, Cardan is naturally good at ice skating. eerily good, in fact.

he's light on his feet, like a snowflake whirling on a winter's squall, but still driven as an arrow shot forth from a bow.

Jude is, woefully, the exact opposite of that.

the High King attributes his talent to his "honed skill set", and when Jude asks what the hell that means (while clinging to the wall of the rink, disgruntled and trying not to bust her ass on the ice), he responds:

it requires a grace only years of dancing completely “shit-faced” at revels could've given him.

Jude laughs, not only at the mortal turn-of-phrase for “drunk” (which sounds weird coming off of Cardan's courtly tongue), but also because he's utterly right.

ice skating, to Jude, feels precisely like being shit-faced at a party, but without the brain fuzz or maudlin displays. 

(and the music is a bit different, too, she supposes)

but all of this is perhaps worse because she’s not drunk. 

at least when she's drunk she's not exactly aware of how foolish she looks. or if she is aware of it, she no longer possesses the inhibition to care.

and Jude tries not to care now. though, scrabbling along a plastic wall just to stay vertical when you're completely sober is a humbling affair, to say the least.

it's certainly a far cry from sitting atop a gilded throne in Faerie.

but maybe ice skating isn't actually so different from Faerie, after all.

there are loads of people infinitely more graceful and elegant than herself, swirling around her like existing on ice is the easiest thing in the world. like their feet have sprouted wings.

(she does know a few faeries with that particular attribute, actually)

so Jude is used to others soaring where she is lacking. that's practically the story of her life.

but it's been so long since she began anything. if she's not a master, she is normally at least competent at any task posed to her.

the High Queen has forgotten the vulnerable discomfort of being new. how newness fits about as well as a stiff leather boot worn directly into battle.

it's not all bad, though.

Jude makes a list of things she likes about ice skating in her head to distract herself from the ache in her arms, the wobble in her knees.

there are costumes. so naturally, Cardan insists on wearing one every time they skate, even though he is neither performing nor training to perform.

Cardan's butt in skating pants.

the face Cardan makes while he's skating. it's one Jude rarely sees from him. it's pure joy, radiating. Jude needs to remember to bring a camera next time, so she can capture it.

and that's about all she can think of at the moment.

all the good things about ice skating are really about Cardan and she's okay.

she's fine.

not scared at all.

she could totally let go of the wall if she wanted to.

she just doesn't want to.

so she doesn't.

Cardan always has a marvellous time.

he loves the way Jude looks all bundled up in mortal winter clothes.

her mittens are overlarge and make her hands look like two periwinkle flippers, which Cardan finds endearing. a dark green knit scarf swaddles her neck, and she has on a hat with a pom-pom on top that bobbles every time she moves.

(at the shop, she'd called the pom-pom humiliating and he'd called it adorable and then she'd called him patronising, which he probably deserved for something at some point in their marriage, and it wasn't until he tacked on the "-ly murderous. i love it" that she begrudgingly added it to their basket)

he loves the way the cold air of the arena pinkens Jude's cheeks.

and the way he catches her blowing out a breath every so often, just to see it briefly frost the air.

he loves the way she looks at him when he skates by, like he's the moon come around to greet her again.

and the way her eyes trail him around the rink, even if she can't follow.

he likes the costumes too, because they make him feel more at home in the mortal world than he's used to feeling. 

but he especially likes them for the way Jude ogles his backside when she thinks he's not looking.

doesn’t she know he always is?

after a few laps alone, Cardan invariably skates up to wherever Jude is on the wall, claiming his hands are at risk of frost bite and they'd better do something about it "quick, before they fall off."

she always says, "you should've bought some mittens."

to which he replies, "Yuri never wore mittens," just to make Jude smile and roll her eyes and offer him some form of body heat.

one time, she unbuttoned her coat in response, and Cardan slid his hands underneath the open flaps, around her waist, pulling her to his chest.

then, he had a brilliant idea.

which is usually a fair indicator of a terrible idea where Cardan is concerned.

"keep your feet together, knees bent, and hold on," he told her.

she gave him one panicked look, said, "Cardan don–" before he shoved them away from the wall and out into open ice.

immediately, her arms locked around his middle. she squeezed her eyes shut, hiding her face in the ruffled lapels of his shirt.

Jude was hugging him, which was perhaps his goal all along.

what was definitely not expected was the vicelike grip she had. he felt like the magician's assistant being sawed in half at Oak's last birthday party.

but Cardan took it in stride. maybe she would relax once they got going.

she did not relax.

she allowed him his fun for approximately half a lap before she begged him to bring her back to the wall.

and since Jude begged, Cardan did just that.

another time, Cardan skated up behind Jude, wrapped her in a bear hug, and snaked his hands under the flaps of her coat.

the chill of his hands against her hips made her squeal a little and elbow him in the stomach.

he still managed to plant a kiss on her temple, though.

"do you trust me?" he asked softly against the rounded shell of her ear.

"unfortunately," she said, a little breathless.

he told her to hold onto his arms. keep her feet together. keep her knees bent. she was safe. he had her. she was safe.

then, slowly, he pushed them off the wall and out into the middle of the rink.

it was better this time. Jude was facing forward and could see where they were going and what was coming.

Cardan loved the way her hair smelled, like amber and oud. the way it felt against his cheek as he manoeuvred them across the rink.

Jude must have felt more in control this way, because they skated like this for a few minutes without much objection.

but it was still unwise, because when two teenagers shot by at break-neck speeds, Cardan lost his footing and they ended up in a heap of limbs and laughter on the ice.

which Cardan also loved, mostly because Jude's laugh is loud and contagious and so very rare.

if there was a way to drink laughter, he’d never need another taste of wine again.

most of the time, when Cardan declares frost bite, Jude says, "we can share my mitten if you hold me up."

so they clasp hands inside of one of Jude's too-big periwinkle mittens. it's the perfect size for both of them.

Jude holds onto the wall with her other mittened hand, and they skate carefully around the edge of the rink together for one whole wobbly lap.

then, they switch hands and go the other direction for a second wobbly lap.

his favourite laps are always the ones they skate together.

and Cardan realises much of the good things about ice skating are really about Jude.

but there are a few things he enjoys for himself, too.

he loves the way it feels to glide. it's a little like flying only vastly less terrifying and with far less stakes if you fall.

and secretly, though he'd never say it out loud, he likes that it's something he's better at than Jude (a rare thing to behold).

and secretly, though she'd never say it out loud, Jude likes it because Cardan likes it.

(besides, she knows it's something she can get better at if she practices)

eventually, Cardan decides to buy himself and Jude their own skates to bring back to Elfhame.

and sometimes, if he has the time, he freezes over a lake or pond on Insmire to practice. and sometimes, if she has time, Jude joins him.

and every time Jude joins him, the oddest thing happens.

Cardan finds that his hands grow curiously, remarkably cold.

•••••••

AN: this was just a little wintery HC, I hope y'all enjoyed it! Let me know if you’d like to be part of my tag list, or if you thought you were and I missed you somehow. 

As always, comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated :’) thanks for the inspiring ask @the-hospitality-of-knives ! ❤️

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[quickdeaths]

It was a lot to take in, made all the more difficult by the pain in her chest caused by an overworked, ill-fitting heart endowed with spite and malice by the girl from whose chest it had been pried. There had been a girl named Chiaki, once - Sonia's best friend, and a member of 77-B. They'd killed her, then. Shinobu, or one of her classmates, or someone acting with fanatical devotion in their name. It didn't come as any surprise, not really. It had been fun, killing other alumni of Hope's Peak Academy - taking that cursed chalice known as talent and shattering it upon a rock for all to see. Many of them had gone out of their way to hunt their former classmates even when their deaths served little practical purpose.

"I'm sorry to hear that," they mumbled. What else was there to say? Both of them knew whose fault it was she had died, regardless of if the remnants' hands in it were direct or indirect. If it were possible, Shinobu imagined that each and every one of her classmates - even Matsuda, the miserable bastard - would gladly give their lives if it would bring back the world they destroyed. In Shinobu's case, she'd submit to eternal torment, a gruesome death for every life she took, if it meant even a bit of healing for what she'd wounded. That was the insanity talking, of course - her suffering was just suffering, beneficial only to herself in so far as it could assuage her guilt.

Shinobu hadn't known that Sonia wasn't to discuss those sorts of things with them, though it made sense the longer she thought about it. Their minds were scrambled messes. There was a reason Hinata and Matsuda were approaching things so cautiously when it came to reviving the remnants, and who know if trying to force memories from the missing periods would compromise those efforts. Still, that Sonia had been close with Anzu and Tsubasa was no great surprise - they had both once been the sort of people who made friends easily. Previously, Anzu in particular could make friends with anyone, given enough interest, and time to work her magic.

Her head jerked up, her eyes staring, focused, at Sonia's. "W-what did you say?" But for however expected those friendships were, that they had been Sonia Nevermind's friend was unexpected to an equal degree. Instinctively, she wanted to move closer, as if a few centimeters closer in distance would somehow allow her to intuit whether Sonia was speaking the truth. Of course, crouched and doubled-over as she was, Shinobu's attempt to move simply led to her stumbling, held up only by one shaky, quivering palm flat against the sand. "You must be mistaken, there's no way that-"

And yet, what incentive did she have to lie? How did it benefit Sonia Nevermind to invent a friendship that wasn't there? There was no point of manipulation that she could tug on, and Shinobu was sure she'd be dead soon enough, anyway. Besides, along with Ayaka and perhaps Miss Hanasaki, Tsubasa and Anzu were the two classmates she best got along with. If Sonia had been friends with them, it was hardly unreasonable to assume that she would have come into consistent contact with Shinobu herself.

Their hand pushed against the ground, providing some stability for Shinobu to rise to their feet again. The heart in her chest still hurt, but rotting out in the sun wouldn't help that, so it was better to follow Sonia and go inside. "No, you obviously wouldn't be mistaken about something like that," she mumbled. "I don't remember anything anyway, so I should refrain from making definitive statements like that." Even if it sickened her, deep in the pit of her stomach, to think of having had another friend, once. That loathsome person who had sunk so deeply into despair might have once had a different path she could have walked, with a friend, and yet from the sounds of it, she'd thrown it away. How wretched.

"I'll keep that from Anzu and Tsubasa-san, if your preference is that they not know," she added, "or if you'd rather say something to either of them yourself. They might be happy to know that there's someone else on the island who doesn't hate them, at least, even if you can't speak on any specifics." They paused, hand still tight over their chest, feeling the tight aches that clearly had no intention of going away anytime soon. "Assuming you don't hate either of them, either, I suppose. There's no reason to assume that as a given." After all, it wasn't like any of them were free from sin. The rot of despair had consumed all of them, and there was no guarantee that they hadn't each done something terrible to her.

"I regret that I don't remember more of it, though." Surely Sonia didn't expect that they would, but still. "And, I understand that you can't tell me about it. Probably... there wasn't much good to tell, anyway, by the sounds of it." Really, if Shinobu thought about it, the most likely scenario was that Sonia was merely being diplomatic. Perhaps she confessed her feelings and Shinobu took her on a date - perhaps even to a love hotel - and then shattered her heart like she'd done to so many others. There was no way they were truly friends, was there? That made more sense than assuming she'd lied outright, and it surely made more sense than assuming they'd been genuine friends. "It's a shame though. I wish that I could-" She shook her head. "Never mind. Anyway, my chest feels better," they lied, "so, we can continue, Nevermind-san. I regret the wasted time."

"Yes, there should be no complaints from anyone if I am assisting you," Sonia assured her as she helped her to her feet. "It is what I am here to do, after all." Besides secure her family's choice of husband, though that was hardly her priority. That was the trouble with it all, though: her priorities. There was what her family wanted, what Byakuya wanted, what Masaru wanted. There was little in the way of consideration about what Sonia wanted, because what Sonia wanted was never of any great importance.

Just as she turned to start off towards the hotel, she saw Shinobu wobble, and yet she chose to say nothing. There was a line, she thought, between aloofness and too much fussing, and Sonia suspected that if she were in their position she doubted she'd want to be fussed over too much, to the point that she was treated like a child incapable of doing anything on her own.

"If you say so," She replied, before sighing and shaking her head as they stepped off the sand onto the path leading back to the hotel. "I'm sorry, that came out wrong: it is that I certainly hope your classmates will be amenable, but my expectations are not high that my help will be accepted with any sort of gratitude. I was told beforehand not to hope for that much, by everyone except Naegi Makoto-san, whose hope cannot be diminished in any way."

In actuality, her efforts had been deemed 'useless' and 'unnecessary' unless they involved becoming closer to Byakuya Togami by most everyone except Masaru Yaguchi, who cared only for the task of her bringing Shinobu back to Novoselic as unharmed and healthy as possible. That seemed like a pipe dream: even if she had a good chance of convincing the courts not to murder her and send her to Novoselic for the Royal Family to deal with, that didn't mean she would be anything close to unharmed and healthy. Even if there were little in the way of open wounds, there were other injuries, Sonia felt sure, that would take much longer to heal, if they would at all. Her brain, for one: she and her fellow former Remnants seemingly remembered only bits and pieces of their lives before The Tragedy. The Future Foundation had focused solely on their classroom friendships as means to bring them back from The Tragedy and restore them to the people they once were, but that came at a cost: every other aspect of their lives barring a certain point, or so it had been conveyed to her.

And with that in mind, it was of little surprise that Sonia couldn't hide her own when Shinobu brought up the idea of friendship between both 77 classes. "I-" Sonia began. She was able to keep herself from stammering but her mouth gave her shock away: agape and needing to be closed as she stopped and stared at her. Yes, she'd mentioned it, but that didn't mean Shinobu actually remembered any of it.

Did she?

She took a deep breath: among all of the rules and regulations she needed to adhere to set by the future foundation, tampering with the memories of the former Remnants was at the top of the list. Above all, she'd been told, she was not to condemn them to either what they'd done as Remnants or who they'd been before The Tragedy. They didn't remember, and likely never would, and therefore it was a burden none of them needed in order to have a successful chance at a real, hopeful future.

Easier said than done: how would she explain this? And furthermore, how would she explain Masaru Yaguchi's hold on her? Explanations she wasn't ready for, much less anyone else in the world: only he knew, and he'd use that knowledge to get his sister back at any cost. Even if her own heart was offered up as collateral.

Just as well: if she'd had siblings, Sonia was sure she'd go to such lengths for the same. Her cousins, she supposed, were the closest she had.

 "In truth, I did not speak with him much," Sonia began. Starting with full honesty, she thought, might not weigh so much on her conscience. "Only when Chiaki, that is, Nanami-san, could not: she was our class representative and therefore spent time with Murasame-san. She's-"

Sonia hesitated. Utilizing the word 'dead' still felt wrong when talking about her best friend, but it was, perhaps, the most accurate term.

"She is gone now," She clarified, picking up her pace along the path towards the hotel. "She did not survive The Tragedy. I miss her every day, my best friend."

As difficult as Sonia found to talk about Chiaki, Shinobu asking her about how she knew the students of the former Class 77-A was even harder. Was it all the restrictions the Future Foundation had placed upon her, or was it because the pain had ebbed into a dull ache over the years? Still, she thought as she glanced over her shoulder at Shinobu, the woman was at least talking and not jabbing a fishing lure into her thumb. That had to count for something.

"As you may know, I am not at liberty to discuss my friendships with any of you in detail from before The Tragedy," She told her. The hotel was, at least, in sight: maybe the allure of air conditioning and a cold drink would shift Shinobu's focus away from the past. It wasn't as if they could go back there, anyway. "But I suppose there is no harm in a little transparency. I was friends with Tsubasa-san, and Tachibana-san, and..."

She took a deep breath, pausing in her steps and turning to face Shinobu fully. Some things she wasn't ready to face: others, she saw no point to hide behind anymore. "...you, actually," Sonia told her simply. Matter-of-factly. No room for interpretation, as she fixed her mouth into a line devoid of emotion. "Until it was decided that friendship no longer suited us anymore. Before Junko Enoshima came along: it had nothing to do with Despair."

There. Honest, but not the full picture: it was the best she could do and, to be frank, rather the diplomatic approach. Her family would be proud, if they knew the entire context and wouldn't berate her for it. Sonia exhaled, nodding at her request before carefully, demurely, crouching down beside her. She doubted that Shinobu wanted to be fussed over, if she was anything like the girl she used to know.

"Please take as long as you need," She assured her. "I am in no rush." Except to shut the door on the past: there was no reason to uncover what needed to stay buried.