#even if it Does also disgust me at times
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with the immediate ‘he’s 14 because he’s a different doctor’ press post potd to the more recent random reviewer (?) saying it was like 10 never left or whatever it was he said exactly, i only skimmed, i’m genuinely wondering if they did this Just so big finish could continue on making 10th doctor audios on a technicality that 10 isn’t in the show rn so it’s allowed!’ because they’re not allowed to use current tv characters in audios, according to tumblr.
i can’t decide if this one is off the rails cynicism or just the right amount of cynicism bc literally what else was the point of making it a whole new regeneration (if) it’s true and it’s basically the same person Other than something stupid and cash grabbing like this. This isn’t even annoyance, I just cannot fathom the decision making going on here and i’m trying to work it out while my brain whirrs like a hamster in a wheel.
#dw shit#to be clear i cannot bring myself to care more or less either way beyond what i thought already#but i got that email through from big finish today abt a new 10 audio and i was like#... what a great way to get around that rule! wonder if it was Why they did it or just super helpful to whoever makes#money out of this#(i mean i am annoyed but i am More baffled by this specific line of bullshittery#bc the other stuff at least#the train of thought that went into it makes sense to me#even if it Does also disgust me at times#but this is just. Why? Like Why? what could they possibly gain
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im like the lorax when it comes to women's body hair. we should let it grow.
#eliot posts#the other day my roommate was talking abt how she hates shaving#but does it anyway bc she doesn't want people to be mean to her about her body hair#and i was like yeah i mean i used to#also worry about that bc my mother was always so fucking cruel to me when i didn't shave#but as an adult i find that it's extremely rare that anyone even mentions it (tho my body hair is pretty light so that could be a factor)#but even when people are shitty i find that i no longer give a shit about what what those idiots have to say about my body#but i understand that that can be a hard step to take so if you need to keep shaving for your own comfort then i won't judge#but on the inside i was just like#*ibuprofen hand meme* ''let's get called disgusting hairy d*kes together <3''#i had a great time showing off my pit hair at the pool today!#(i get read as a woman when im swimwear cuz i can't hide my body as much. so i get read as a hairy masculine woman.)#i show off my leg hair every time i wear shorts but like. my leg hair is Pathetic#i look practically prepubescent vis a vis my leg hair (my mother still calls it disgusting lmao)#but my pit hair is pretty good#i occupy a weird gendered place in society where i am more of a man in identify but society genders me as a woman#the only time i feel remotely okay being seen as a woman is when i am seen as a BAD woman. a woman who cannot/will not be A Proper Lady#it's not an entirely ACCURATE view of me but there's Something in it
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School is going so great and also I am so exhausted and also I am having an existential crisis
#teaching tag#the kids are great and I think I’m doing a good job teaching them and also I miss the ones from last year so much 😭😭😭😭😭#even though I know I will miss these too once they’re gone like why does 😭😭😭 it gotta be 😭😭😭😭 this way#it’s just a totally different vibe every time#the school year has a new flavor!!! and I hate that!!!!!#change is so bad and disgusting 😭😭😭#but also I think it’s good and I’m doing a good job keeping them moving#one of the revelations/realizations that I’ve had. is that I’m just starting to shift my focus#from …. wanting them to be moved to just wanting them to be engaged?#and I think it’s better.#I’m not quite wholly there. but I mean learning how to actually construct a class so that they are busy and their minds are being stretched#and employed and learning on multiple levels without just saying what I want to happen at them#and it’s a good shift but also a shift that’s making me sad#for whatever reason#it feels like another sign of maturity#but sometimes I miss my own highs#mostly I’m just so unbelievably tired lol.#like the physical and mental stamina required that I just don’t have yet#is so much.#but some strong starts have been made#and also (dare I say this lol) the effects of my reputation being established are also working in my favor#they’re a little bit scared. they’re a little bit more ready to engage and they’re more on board than they used to be#like. it’s happening faster. in terms of getting the class under control#and that’s nice. cause I remember it used to take weeks and weeks. months really.#and of course it’s ongoing and unpredictable.#but it’s better this time#anyway just rambling
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shirt with a heart and child of divorce written on top but then there’s a picture of huntclaire. you wouldnt get it. i do
#child of divorce but theyre married and love each other but actually they’re divorcees#theyre like those couples that get married and then get divorced and then get married again. actually that’s so chic#you should be divorced by the time you’re 27. a little divorce makes life more exciting#do not consider red carpet diaries at all when writing claire but if i were to consider it#she wouldve broken up with hunt sometime after hollywood u and then it would’ve been kind of a divorce#<- well my timeline for hollywood u i mean. that would be in 2016#they get back together but they have even stronger + weirder divorcees vibes#claire is actually a divorced woman. when you think about it. that’s also a great descriptor for hunt but in a different way#so theyre like when you put two spiritually divorced people in a relationship#this makes a lot of sense to me. actually#they have the most loving relationship ever which is gross and disgusting. but when you look at them they have this weird vibe about them#theyre like bitter exes who know too much of each other and one of them is way too comfortable saying stuff in public#what do you mean theyre together and in love#huntclaire#actually i need them so be super fucking weird about each other in public#claire is too familiar with a guy who does Not seem to like her at all. why is she saying this stuff. claire thats tmi#he would do anything for her. he will still argue with her over the most mundane things ever.#her coffee order sucks and he’s not saying all That Stuff to a barista. kill him on the spot.#claire gets an extra cookie bc she threatened to cry#they’re just kinda stuck together idk. something something his line about the universe bending to get them together. he’s bitter about it#it’s also a form of foreplay but i don’t know what the tag limits are#just know that claire is weird about that as well#i mean tbf of course is foreplay what else would this be. how is this dynamic feasible otherwise#it’s*
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i'm not sure whether i should go back to this but mutuals, even just like, followers ((anyone i have even the slightest level of familiarity with)), your requests are respected for You i'll trigger tag anything. for Anonymous i will do nothing
#sorry that's just how i work atm#talk to me as a person or don't make requests‚ i think that's reasonable‚ isn't it?#also this is a personal blog anyone can unfollow at any time‚ no bad blood ofc‚ but some things i won't tag are gore and incest#but yeah as soon as there is a concrete need i will answer to it. i don't tag common triggers for the aforementioned reason (here be horror#and the list of the common ones seems. like‚ inconclusive and it doesn't add up for me. like i need principles#moral principles. not conventions. so as soon as it's a Me talking to You thing it's fine#i'm sorry this is an incest blog i already hold the belief that catering to randos or playing to acceptability is not the way to go 😔#so it's just like. baseline is you see what i'm about and if it bothers upsets disgusts you‚ you leave.. i guess.#so even with things other than incest. graphic stuff etc. it falls in the same category for me. but other things aren't integral so i'll#tag those if anyone wants#does my train of thought make sense..#kata.txt
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Wait so did Ike knoww about Stan and Kyle dating? Also I'd love to hear abt Kyle and Ikes sibling relationship thats so adorable
soooooo long story short:
...y-yes. yes, he Does know.
hOWEVER, IKE DOES NOT KNOW RAVEN IS STAN THOUGH, THAT IS SENSITIVE INFO THAT IKE CAN BE TRUSTED WITH, OFC, BUT IT WOULD PUT HIM IN DANGER AND KY WANTS TO KEEP HIM SAFE.
but long story Long...
i'll leave it in the crotch. xx
( edit: so...my bad, baby. i accidentally went on a crazy TANGENT about ike and jerseykyle's relationship bc i love them a lot and their dynamic is very complicated, so if you want that info about how ike found out about ravesey dating...i gotta put it in another ask.
bc this...got Very long.
you don't have to read this. soz. >.> )
oookay!~ so i got REALLY excited about this because rm!jerseykyle and ike's relationship is super duper special to me, in that, as sp fanfic writer girlie who tends to lean away from a more gentle, kindly, introspective kyle and much more heavily into the potential brutal parts and menacing aspects of kyle's personality when i develop my style dynamics with, ofc, jers being the most brutal of all ncu kyles...
...the way that he speaks to ike -- gently, softly, tenderly -- the way that ike disarms him, the way that j.k. unravels around ike, bends for him, it's one of the ONLY instances written into my actual published canon where we see jers be extremely vulnerable. ( not crying, lmao! )
however, i will say, it was not ALWAYS like that!
*rings the cd re-education bell*
LORE TIME!
so, per my rm!take on the south park lore, ike, ofc, was adopted from canada around age five and he...was Perfect. he was this lil gorgeous, perf, lovely thing, no health problems, dark hair, i like to think his eyes are dark brown, closer to black, sweet kid, easy-going...
...and very NOT like kyle.
and, interestingly enough, i think, At First, that sheila and gerald were super obsessed with ike, cooed over him, he was the baby, y'know? which made jerseykyle MAD jealous of ikey and an Anti from day one.
which is also v interesting because rm!ike, really just fkn Worshipped jerseykyle, wanted to be close to him, wanted his approval, craved that brotherly relationship with him, idolized him...and kyle was NOT having it, dawg! like, it took him so long to even let stan in and let his cold, black heart be light and bright enough in some spots to do That, so he pushed ike away, constantly told him to fuck off/get lost
( i do think that ike's vocab being more vulgar/him being precocious comes from wanting to impress kyle/being influenced by him ), also ike was really fkn smart from the jump in a way kyle wasn't like, to me, jerseykyle has worked hard for everything, studied hard, fought hard, and ike was naturally a child prodigy and didn't have to work that hard for anything, all while being gentle and docile and kind.
-- but going back to STAN for a minute...as a direct contrast to how jerseykyle treated ike growing up...gods angel saint ravenstan was always EXTREMELY KIND to ike. stan never had a brother: okay, he had shelley but his relationship with shelley was even more complex than ike and kyle's relationship used to be and the way shelley treated ravenstan was similar to the way jersey was treating ike, so he Deeply Sympathized with that and endeared himself to ike, encouraged him, and the more kyle pushed him away, the closer ike got to stan.
stan and ike i think ALSO had very similar interests in that they both liked louder, heavier music, revolutionary/counter culture stuff, fighting the MAN, sports ( namely hockey ) i think as a gift, actually, that ravenstan gave ike his wayne gretsky hockey yersey and ike STILL has it ( yes, kyle was jealous ), stan encouraged him to be different and carve his own path in life and while kyle, obvi, was the person most effected by stan's untimely passing...it did also do a number on ike who seriously considered stan like a brother to him and was one of the only other people who Never misgendered stan.
SPEAKING OF STAN DY*NG THOUGH: this was when everything sort of...Flipped. because when stan 'died', whatever part of kyle that could love things also died with him along with a lot of his stability.
so on top of all of his health issues, kyle got really, REALLY gnarly ptsd, would fly into blind rages, got randomly triggered by things and see stan everywhere, have really, really sever panic attacks, had to be put on several medications, got into TOOOONS of fights, etc.
and ike...was just sweet, introverted, lovely ike. stayed in his lane, did his work quietly, existed quietly...while kyle was Loud and VOLATILE.
also, to tie in Another ask where someone asked me while sheila didn't take care of ike as well as she could...fair warning, i am a liiiittle defensive abt this topic because it wasn't that she didn't want to take care of ike or meant to neglect him AT ALL, it's just...when you have a a child who has a lot going on mentally and physically, is more of a firestarter, is more aggressive or more outwardly mentally unstable...
...that tends to require more immediate attention ( especially since kyle was sooo unhinged that he was constantly in police stations, juvie, the psych ward ) and sheila's attention more helicopter parent-y in that she wanted to keep kyle safe, whereas geralds attention was more negative, felt kyle was a failure/embarrassment :/// </3 )
so ike, by COMPARISION to jersey, was VERY low maintenance, did not require to be constantly watched to make sure he didn't hurt himself or others, and so, unfortunately while sheila loved him very much ( gerald just wasn't very interested in him as the second kid other than that he not act up/argue w/ him ) he got swept under the rug because of how pliable and pleasant he was personality wise.
so sheila really does Adore ike, she just doesn't worry about him nearly as much and because of how glaring jersey's issues were, she also mistakenly assumes he's mostly fine where...i really do think ike has pretty gnarly depression, tbh. he is stan coded, i mean that. i will say that him acting out is starting to cause a stir in their house.
anyways...i am sorry this is such a MESS but jerseykyle was watched with laser focus and because of this, ike got off scott free most of the time and received almost no attention. like all his accomplishments went unnoticed or were pretty normalized because the standard he set v young being smart/capable, set the bar high. ilysm, ikey. </3
tldr; ike was The Good Child
and jersey was The Bad Child.
but, in being 'good', he got extremely overlooked by his parents.
thiiiiiiis...is where jerseykyle stepped in. so basically his entire life he was staunchly anti-ike, but he warmed up to ike a lot after stan died because they bonded over talking about him a lot/that grief, and also grew up under intense scary jewish matriarch sheila broflovski and the serious shit show that was having gerald as a father...who jersey actually regularly took shit from so ike wouldn't have to, i.g. when ike did something less than perfect or did misbehaved or fucked up, kyle always took the fall for it and was the messed up problem child, so that ike would essentially spared from gerald's mental abuse/wrath.
ike was also kind of the only person j.k. had in the world, so kyle looked after him because...again...ike is very stan coded, kyle is very protective of the lil gentle hearted people and he basically raised ike in the stead of his parents which forced him to be hard on him in a way that sheila and gerald were not hard on ike...which created a lot of dissonance when ike was becoming a teen and kyle was in hs.
so, essentially while when they were little kids, ike followed kyle around, wanted kyle to like him, thought kyle could do no wrong, as he got older and kyle started to nitpick him, actually care about him and start enforcing rules/curfews on him because no one else did, ike developed a rebellious streak and started to not like or listen to kyle because he was like, bro, whatever, you're so boring, it's one party, oh my god, just because you're boring doesn't mean i have to be!!!!
it's mostly just skin deep though, ike is only irritated because jerseykyle is mad overprotective, hard core and did not gentle parent him as an older brother at like, i shit you not fourteen, like i am so sorry but jerseykyle raised ike basically, and inspite of actin like a heartless monster...loves ike very, very much ( even if he can't say it ) and ike also loves kyle very much. jerseykyle is pretty much the only other person besides firkle, tricia, etc. ( i'll get into that in a diff ask ) that truly gave a shit about him and put weight behind his actions.
so jerseykyle is like ike's older brother/dad, rags on him about doing his homework and being an edgelord
( ike has been acting out a lot, one, because he's finally starting to come into his personality more, which, imo, my hc is that ike is p popular but mostly by accident sort of how stan was because he's pretty and very nice, ike is captain of the hockey team, his accent is cute, gets good grades ( he is slacking right now tho bc hes being edgy as hell ), is a lil skater boy gamer boy, IS V INTO TRUE CRIME, JOURNALISM AND ACTIVISM, creating positive change, exposing injustice, enjoys punk rock music, thinks emo boy stuff is neato,
IKE IS THEEEE DAWN SPAWN OF EVER AND I MEAN THAT, he is a raven of crimson dawn FAN BOY, he is obsessed; i mean that...and despite wanting to make waves in that way, like, he really is kind of an antisocial DORK but lots of girls like him, he gets invited to parties, firkle gets invited by proxy even though people think they are a crazy demonic satan worshiping freak of nature...but ike's super bestie, ofc...their relationship is also interesting...BUT YEAH! IKE! <333 )
also per rm canon, jers does miss ikes birthday every year bc going to south park triggers the fuck out of him which he feels very, very badly about, rags on him but is very pro ike doing what he wants to with reason of not acting like a goddamn FOOL and doing his laundry, his emo dirt bag phase is making kyle's eye twitch ooooof, him bleaching his hair and sticking a safety pin through his lip the second ravenstan walks through their front door while ravesey are secretly broken up and jk is extra mad at him; ITS A HOT MESS EXPRESS, Y'ALL!!!!
if you made it this far...i have to put the answer to the FIRST part of your question with all that dialogue in another ask so feel free to re-ask me that, but to reference it a little...ike is so team ravesey like it is actually painful, that is his ROMAN EMPIRE. firkle actually really does not like kyle bc they think he is lame as hell, help, and is anti-ravesey bc they think romance is a distraction,
( okay, spoiler, but firkle is in love with ike, ike does not know this, ike is super fkn oblivious and is actually very bi, so it's not like he's just not aware he is not straight, he just....actually has no idea, rip, he also has a crush on a girl in his class, it DOES make firkle want to actually dome themself to hear about it 25/8, stupid Feelings, smh, firkle b hating jersey and is lowkey a little jersey coded ) anyways they think kyle dating raven of crimson dawn is going to interfere with the band, their music, their sound and is a hater. like boooo! come on, FIRK! :/
BUT IKE IS A ROMANTIC!!! IKE IS THE JR. RAVESEY CAPTAIN!!!!
tldr; kyle and ike have a complicated relationship but love each other very much and ike does eventually learn about ravesey secret dating bc they are the brothers of ever and cannot hide shit from each other BUT I GOTTA PUT IT IN ANOTHER ASK, I AM SO SORRY, BABY, YOU GOTTA ASK ME AGAIN ABOUT THAT! but i hope this thrills you?
-uncle nina, ceo of insane hs isaac moisha broflovski lore
#i am sorry this was so long and i am not sure who cares#but idk their brotherly relationship means a lot to me#and ike actually means a lot to me#he is often over looked and very very lovely#and very deeply treasured by kyle kyle does call him bubeleh#which is very cute to me like ew he really did raise him#they were a slow burn brotherhood but worth it#i also do think its really cute that ike really liked stan#and then really liked raven of crimson dawn#like he really just feels the vibes huh#with all due respect tho i would also think pre!rm!stan was really cool and raven of crimson dawn was cool...he is that guy#I GOTTA GO INTO THAT LATER THO I AM SORRY I HAD TO GIVE YOU SO MUCH LORE I LOVE IKE AND JERSEY SM#ike is a raven of crimson dawn fanboy and the captain of the ravesey ship so sorry to everyone he is in the trenches#he is constantly catching smoke from firkle all the time about it too smh...also yeah firkle and ike lore...Interesting#i can also get into that if people want that again i am not sure who still cares abt ninas weird unfinished au style fanfic#ANYWAYS RM ISAAC MOISHA BROFLOVSKI MY BELOVED#jersey does eventually spill ike does wrangle it out of him its funny as fuck to me bc kyle was CAPPING SO HARD#that man was like idk what ur talking abt i hate that man!#jerseykyle is the ceo of lying like stan lied to stay Alive JERSEY LIES BECAUSE HE IS LITERALLY A BITCH ASS FOOL#WHO REFUSES TO ACCEPT THE DAMN CONSEQUENCES OF HIS OWN ACTIONS I HATE HIM SO MUCH#like ok to be fair they were fighting and jk did think ravenstan was dating call girl but SUPER BESTIE DO NAAAAUGHT#EVEN ACT LIKE U DONT WANNA VIOLENTLY FRENCH HIM#DONT TRY IT WITH ME BABY I LITERALLY WROTE U!#the drama of them being broken up and having to share kyles childhood bed and bedroom is sooo iconic to me#i know they were accidentally cuddling i just KNOW it#nasty cute disgusting boy angst jail for WIMPY SIMP BOYS#KISS ALREADY!!!!
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this dialogue path im so 😭😭🤭🤭
#shri’iia going like you weren’t THAT good 🙄 as if she didn’t come multiple times bc he’s probably more attentive than her matriarch#like I imagine her matriarch being a very selfish lover and she always receives and never gives and shri’iia being so used to that#so when the act 1 forest sex scene comes and astarion performs as he does and he’s very giving and thorough and more focused on her own#pleasure than his shri’iia is like ?? brakes screeching noises in her brain she’s not used to this btw#not to mention she’s already drunk as fuck and trying so very hard to ignore the pain in her chest from oath breaking#so she gets even more confused and she just lets him do what he wants to do#cue the morning after .. ‘you weren’t THAT good’ whatever you’re just saving face 😭#anyway. I like this dialogue path too bc you get an insight on astarion’s pov where he says he was holding back and making his excuse#when he was probably dissociating / feeling disgusted at having to do his routine again#but then it’s all part of his plan so he gotta do it. also that’s what he knows how to do so he has to do it and liking it is a diff matter#but when he says the ‘how dare you’ like it feels more playful so I think that kind of dynamic where they clown on each other is what they#both like. I also think that in the second time they sleep together it’s a bit more playful bc they’re getting that kind of dynamic more#based on the flirting scenes you can get prior the second time he offers to sleep together again#but to me when they overtly flirt / or when they fuck is when the seeds of the romance are planted .. it only develops when they start to#hang out with each other lol. like this whole romance that’s built on deceit and using each other#gets developed bc they actually like being in each other’s company 😭😭 idk that’s so cute to me#and when they’re actually together it’s like. this slowburn where they’re not putting any labels on it#they just hang out with each other for the next couple of hundred years and occasionally get married#multiple times for the attention and gifts lol#actually have more thoughts abt astarion/shri’iia 😭 they’re infesting my mind like mold#shut up about bg3.#bg3 spoilers
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Me panicking because i have 9 missed calls and 5 emails talking about my absence and how "a colleague could take over for me" vs. Me knowing it's really not that important no matter how pushy a client is and that on top of it I'm underpaid and have way to much overtime so i shouldn't even care
#i have 14 hours overtime#collected within 2 weeks lol#you know how it's apparently mandatory for companies in germany to have a way track employees working time? yeah we're#the only company in the whole fucking country who doesn't do that (obviously that's not true there's probably plenty more but it's#still not right.) so we don't get paid overtime nor does it get acknowledged in any way#so technically we're not allowed to even it out (which most people try to do anyway because tf do they think they are asking us to work for#free) but I'm dedicated to not collect any more unpaid working hours so i take the liberty to leave work early this week#so today i left at 12pm (and then got home 4 hours later because another person decided to kill themselves by train. they should call me#first. or anyone else taking the train. I'm sure there'd be plenty of volunteers to do the killing if it means not another miserable day#stuck in a disgusting train). and i logged in again at 6pm today to see if i have anything important messages (stupid i know)#and i saw the missed calls and that there had been an email exchange with me in the cc talking about the 'changes' made in one of the#articles and that someone else could do that for me since i couldn't be reached and at first i felt ashamed and scared#but now it's honestly just pissing me off. that asshole can't write emails and communicate requests like normal people can he#he already called me last week about something completely stupid and acts like his matters are the most important shit in the world#fuck you if you can't wait one day you should have sent this a month earlier because i won't stay online everyday#just to see if there might be an 'important' change you want me to make Immediately. bitch.#also missed two calls from my colleague but she didn't send any messages about what she wanted so i asked her because i felt bad for not#being online and turns out she wanted Nothing. just hear how i was. JUST TEXT ME THEN???? I HATE IT HERE FUCK YOU#seriously i don't get paid enough for this to bother me so much. she probably gets 12-15€ more than me per hour#of course she doesn't care about her overtime as much as i do. i get minimum wage which is less than what I'd get if i still worked at uni#as a student assistant so fuck this shit it's really not important or worth it. from now on i'll only put in minimum effort too#sorry got carried away. rant over now i guess#void screams#work stuff
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My mom pausing and correcting my nephew that I'm a "good Aunt Do" instead of saying "good girl" is probably the most gender affirming moments along with a person not knowing to call me sir or ma'am.
My nephew is 2.5 and called me a good boy for getting him chocolate milk and my mom is a [redacted] year old lady so she was gonna correct him and then realized what she was gonna say and stopped herself because she knows I don't like being called a girl. My mom really did that.
#{domino talks}#she's actually really bad at understanding matters of gender but she tries#and has really grown as a person like even my friend said so the other day#i think this is the first time she caught and corrected herself before even saying the wrong thing#i don't know how much she really understands how much that meant to me even though i told her it meant a lot because it does#like she'll apologize after saying things but she stopped before she said the thing#and honestly ever since some creep called me a “good girl” over the phone while i was transferring his call#i feel disgusted by being referred to that way! gives me the ick as the kids say!#i wish i could forget that happening but since I cannot! i will remain disgusted by it#and i very much am Domino vs being a boy or girl so i do hope we run with this for the future#i never thought my mom would make me HAPPY cry over a matter like this. it's really the awareness for me.#also my mom isn't really “old” but I don't know if she would appreciate me exposing her age on tumblr of all places
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there's a certain quality the harmonies of like... early to mid 2000s alt rock has. which i am obsessed with... like i wanna do that. i NEED to figure out how to write harmonies that sound like that
#ari opinion hour#i sort of understand it but not necessarily well enough to do it on command#i think i sort of achieved the sound of it with my blaseball winter exchange song i did for snow but specifically only in the very last bit#like only with the 'im not alive anymore' part#(which sidenote i wish id had the second half faster + w more drive but its not like that was like a full recording which i could do)#i think i just need my music to have more teeth in general cause it scratches an itch that i think i must have developed due to some aspect#of music school. its probably my dissatisfaction with the attitudes in the classical world#<- which understand i say that in the same way that like my jazz prof does. the classical world doesnt have enough teeth nor enough#understanding of the way in which music is like. another art. and art needs to be able to have teeth and use elements normally regarded as#''undesirable'' on purpose because art is there to make you feel emotions and not just the positive ones and not just sadness or anger in#terms of the negative ones#art is there to make u feel ALL extant emotions and that includes boredom disgust fear jealousy pity cowardice apathy overwhelmedness etc#also the classical world i find often forgets what the word ''play'' means#i am of the opinion that perfection is a waste of time if i wanted perfect i'd ask a computer to do it for me. i want real#anyway. i forgot what this post was even about lol point is i need to figure out how to write harmonies that have that soaring quality that#like. you can hear it in like helena by mcr and wake me up by evanescence and stuff. and frankly most of the songs on three cheers for swee#revenge which i am listening to now for the first time. i need to learn more about this stuff maybe ill listen to the evanescence album tha#song is from next.#or something i should really be working on my essay but theres no way i wont have it done in time which is good i think i just mostly have#to worry about sources and stuff but even that should be relatively easy i think
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oh girl what the fuck
#so....i have investigated to the best of my abilities and i am still thoroughly lost so thats that#but what?? literally so much transpired ok so firstly soobin flipped seunghan off with his toes like what....#SEUNGHAN WAS KICKED OUT OF RIIZE FOR SMOKING..... R U KIDDING ME LMFAO THATS SO?????#PLEASE he was doing normal dumb teenager things u should see the people in my college and literally every other college here#why do people drag any sort of celebrity for making normal human decisions#like yes it isn't good for you no shit it isn't but im sure he's mentally sane enough to know that#people who smoke are AWARE of the fact its not good for them trust me i have friends who are well aware#the consequences are on every single pack like they know#bro got kicked out for something literally millions of other people do like what kpoppies are insane and sm is stupid#secondly....i don't even know how to address the made in abyss scandal like it seems so messy what even#let me be so clear here if this allegations are true then i am absolutely disgusted and cannot even fathom what the fuck is happening#like woozi taeyong everyone what#but from what i have seen... and PLEASE DO NOT MISTAKE THIS AS ME DEFENDING ANYONE I AM SIMPLY STATING WHAT I HAVE SEEN ON TWITTER DOT COM#the copy that taeyong had of that manga was the censored version#does this help no not really but i don't really know enough about this situation i will look into it as much as i can i just have no TIME#ive also seen that all of them have been cleared??? so thats also something we should take into consideration i suppose#and the manga/anime is advertised as gore/horror etc ofc this does not excuse its contents literally what the fuck is that author on#but i have to state how entirely hypocritical it is to judge someone based off the media they consume because i know damn well#that a lot of people consume very fucked up content like dark fiction is a thing have yall seen the ya novels nowadays#that does not make the person who consumes it condone it...bc its fiction#at the end of the day these are men i dont trust them as delusional as i may portray myself on this hellsite#also i saw a tweet ab someone on twitter saying bc taeyong reads beserk and that is also a manga with incredibly dark themes he must be#fucked up#firstly a lot of manga/anime have dark themes but thats not the point#a LOT of people around the world have read that manga (im literally not talking ab taeyong here i promise)#literally people i know have#they KNOW how fucked up it is they dont recommend it to anyone and literally say read it at your own risk its fucked up#it does not mean they directly condone the shit that goes on in the manga they have quite the opposite stance actually#(beserk is also the nunber 1 rated manga of all time i know this my ex doesn't shut up ab it and neither does one of my best friends)#anyway i dont know much about this yet so i will look into it more; had no idea what was happening until five mins ago but literally wtf ma
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i still love this pic so much bc it's literally the embodiment of all official artwork of the lords
claude is just being friendly and nice and dimi is staring at him like wow i love him so much and edelgard is just SO DONE with third wheeling their kissy bullshit
#DCB Comments#it's true tho it rly is all the official artwork and promotional stuff is like#here are dimi and claude together inseparable attached at the hip or never far apart and often interacting#and then there's edelgard either pointedly looking away and ignoring them or staring at them like#god you two are gross go flirt in private you absolute saps why do you always do this in front of me#what she doesn't realize is that claude specifically planned to do it around her bc he's been aware this whole time#that she reacts like that and always like why they gotta be smoochin again right in front of me#so now that he knows she reacts like that he purposely does it all the time but the thing is#dimi has no idea that's the whole point he's just infatuated with his mans and doesn't even think abt#how edelgard is reacting in the background he's just seeing rainbows and roses and claude#claude just has to ensure it occurs in her presence bc he knows dimi is the innocent one who#didn't plan it that way at all he's just admiring claude he's not even thinking abt the fact that she's there#the reason we usually don't get their retainers in these pics is bc hubert is disgusted and#doesn't wanna be around it and hilda is cheering them on. dedue is trying to do damage control#by keeping hubert from killing anyone and keeping hilda from getting too loud#hubert is over there like lady edelgard im so sorry u have to be in the picture with those hooligans#dimi is literally like no thoughts head full of claude in eye view very beautiful much heart flutter#and claude is like lel she's so annoyed this is great. but also that's his deflecting from the fact that#he doesn't know what to do that the cutest and sweetest man ever is infatuated with him so instead he just#focuses on lel edelgard is angy again instead of focusing on his feelings so he keeps goofing off#he's like oh wow he likes me i am happy how do i handle this i do not know so i will simply goof off#also since rhea is totally up for same sex marriage she's egging them on like wow i'm so happy for them sparkle sparkle#the little humans are so cute and in love and she loves that for them#edelgard was already planning a war but like. now that rhea is egging the boys' kissy nonsense on#edelgard is like i am starting that war as soon as possible at the highest intensity possible#and once the picture is done and she's free to go she comes smack face to face with ferdinand#and in that moment she knew her day was not getting any better bc ferdinand shall not relent#yes that's the story behind all the official and promotional art you see of them 100 percent true confirmed#DCB Three Houses Stuff
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anyone else ever get in those silly goofy moods where u just hate urself sooo much that u instantly feel physically almost violently ill just thinking abt urself and also even tho u worked a 12hr shift w no breaks or water running off of the 2 cups of coffee u had for breakfast 20 hours ago, the thought of eating instantly sends bouts of nausea coursing thru ur soul while churning in ur stomach bc ur brain hates u so much that its convinced ur body that u don’t deserve sustenance or anything else that’s life sustaining or promotes ur physical well being because u subconsciously convinced urself that ur such a shit excuse for a human being that u neither deserve nor have any right to anything regarding maslow’s hierarchy of needs bc u r such an awful thing u deserve to be neglected n treated like the nonliving object ur own brain sees ur living body as or am i just mentally ill lol
#laying in bed everytime i think abt myself i feel literally nauseated n like it’s so weird#this feeling comes in waves intermittently just even .01 sec of ‘hm i’m hungry’ FFFFFNOPE HRRGRHFFF VOMITTY#i want to curl up in a ball and die forever i don’t care about me i don’t want to take care of me anymore i’m not even good at it#whyyyyyyyy did i stop taking my meddsssssss i guarantee y’all this is why i’m being such a crybaby on the dash lmaoooo#i have a headache i’m def dehydrated from crying n sniveling n barely drinking any water today while sweating like a mf at work#imma go to bed 🛌 if i don’t wake up i will be soooo pleasantly surprised y’all have no idea FINGERS CROSSED🤞#real talk tho can someone tell me why my body is literally reacting this way for like no real reason#like am i truly that disgusted with myself i make myself nauseous just thinking abt me#ok yeah the answer is yes lol BUT LIKE WHY THATS SUCH A DRAMATIC BODILY RESPONSE TO MY BRAINS DUMBASS THOUGHTS???#ik the body and mind have a super powerful link n the brain influences the body like crazy but like#why this why does my brain literally want me to berate and degrade myself and isolate me and make me cry alone n starve me that’s so mean#i’m not starving btw i’m literally always eating just these past 2 days i’ve been such a fuckup my body won’t let me do anything#i had a chocolate poptart for dinner last night (thurs) n threw myself to bed#i hope i don’t end up hurting myself that would be so lame#i literally don’t have time for that like i am Not doing wound care duty off the clock for my damn self lol#also don’t want to take care of myself so i wouldn’t bandage myself up properly sooo yeah i’m not gonna do anything actually#cleaning ur wounds r super important ok yall ur literally playing god if u don’t do good aftercare snfjfbdj#i can’t believe i’m in this nasty ugly depressive episode i hate this so much i don’t have time for this i hate this cycle#i hate being bipolar 2 n my moods n meds have been so fkcdd up lately that i don’t even have the rlly fun hypomanic episodes anymore#i’ve just been constantly having mixed episodes im unbearable to be around im so sorry for everyone that’s ever spoken to me im insufferable#ok that’s enough im done being dramatic lmao#im gonna give myself a bolus PRN dose of clonnie then i’m going tf to bed#ramblings#shut up cianna
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There's silverfish in this apartment so the only chance for my body to get some rest would be collapsing from exhaustion otherwise i will not sleep for a While
#how long does it take to get rid of them?#ages probably#and i have only one room (+ a tiny bathroom) so i cannot avoid them#they're in my bedroom therefore the bed isn't safe#god i hate it here#i had them in my first apartment too for a short time and i hoped to never experience this again#well#also the guy living here before me apparently has never cleaned the shower or the toilet in his lifetime#the shower is filthy and I've been cleaning it for 3 hours in total already#I'll have to scrub it everyday in order to get a chance to get rid of these years of dirt and limescale#(like scrub it for 30 minutes using cleaning supplies and all. not just clean it after showering like usually#which would have prevented this from happening in the first place if that guy had done this even just once a week)#also cannot fathom how my landlord accepted this bathroom to be left like this#there was literally still toilet paper in the toilet and there is dirt so bad i haven't gotten rid of it after scrubbing for hours#but yeah#the insects are the worst#i mean in korea i had actual bugs but there weren't as many and i think they couldn't climb the walls so i felt less#disgusted by my bed and everything i touch#(there was one in my bag and in the kitchen sink and in my blanket once and#I'm not exactly scared by them but actually disgusted#i guess this is what some people mean when they say they aren't scared of spiders but don't like them anyway#it's just gross and i don't want to see them)#and i will tell my landlord about it and ask if he can at least fix the bathroom silicom so maybe some of their hiding spots are gone#I'm just very tired of everything rn lol#still not using that extra time i have during the night to work for university so that's great#not getting anywhere#void screams
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well i finished the women (1936) by clare boothe luce. i did not like that as much as i was expecting.
#you wanna talk about how ppl act like all literature written by women is inherently feminist... brother#tales from diana#she has a genuine disgust for her own characters EXCEPT for mary. but choosing to get a divorce is still the greatest sin of her life#i love when im consuming 20th century entertainment and all the sudden i realize it's anti-divorce propaganda#the first act was alright but by the time i realized how it was going to end i was severely disappointed#it's not that i can't stand literature where basically all the characters are bad people. but the moral of the story is also bad#also boothe's stage directions were awful in how she described characters and scenes and just further illustrated how much she hated#the company of other women and thought she was so superior to all of them in her class basically.#all anyone ever told me about this story was that it had an all-female cast and i think a lot of boothe's storytelling methods#were really interesting in innovative in how she pulled that off.#but trust me. it does not pass the bechdel test lol#women are a bunch of catty gossips with no good judgment. men are cheating dogs and you should forgive them for it#even when they gallivant around town with their mistresses and go home and mistreat you. is what i learned from this play#a shame bc as far as her skill for dialogue and scene-setting it's really admirable.#but the soul of the play is rotten to the core. im so very let-down by this
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god I wish I could rip Instagram apart with my teeth I hate it I hate it I hate it
#kibumblabs#whenever I think about it and what it does (in general but mostly to artists) I go into a feral anti-capitalist blind rage#it is legitimately killing art. it is killing what it means to be an artist and replacing it with corporate brainrot#and it’s disgusting to me to think about kids going into art and getting brainwashed into believing you should sacrifice agency over your#time and what you create and etc in order to create a Brand is the most important thing– or rather a DEFINING thing– about being an artist#it’s just. god it makes me mad#I won’t even get into how it also rips your mental health to shreds and strips your ego and ability to enjoy what you do and etc#but you know. there’s that too#I could write a fucking essay on this man and maybe I should at some point honestly#what’s sad though is that the Instagram art account mentality is already so normalized and so in-line with how companies/corporations like#disney or blizzard or basically any animation/game company and whatnot work that it’s easy to have that mindset reinforced by comparison to#those ‘legitimate’ non-freelance jobs#like that’s how they do it at fucking riot games or whatever so it must be the Right Way To Do Art. constantly and painfully by everyone#else’s standards but your own. no! it’s not! stop sucking the industry’s dick and look up for a second#and yes that applies to freelancers because like I said this new freelance art mentality directly corresponds with how corporate art jobs#operate. just. think about it on an existential long-term level. you shouldn’t fucking waste your life for that shit#sorry I’m kinda spiraling cause it’s such a personally relevant topic especially with recently stepping out of art school and debating if#I’ll return or not next semester and all that because yeah my school is a direct pipeline into The Industry and thus it operates like#The Industry. and I thought that was something that’s a pro when I was going into this school but boy. it really hits you when you’re#slogging away worked to the point of carpal tunnel/wrist problems being a normal and accepted thing being expected to sacrifice your#physical and mental health and so on just#oh! this is going to be my life from now on. forever. this isn’t temporary to get a degree this is a model of the industry im being injected#into and if anything it’s just going to get worse staying in this pipeline. Don’t Forget You’re Here Forever#and yeah I just. how do you continue under those conditions and expectations?#I don’t know what I’m gonna do yet man- I’m gonna get a bachelors it just may be at a state college instead– but beyond that idk but it’s#become too taxing on my time and health to just say ‘it is how it is’ and do something that’ll kill me slowly for a company’s profit.#something something marx was right something something
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