#even if i know its bad (especially tbh)
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i think its so funny when people take the way donnie acts at face value even though its a horrible lie because he's a horrible liar, while understanding leo is bullshitting very well despite him actually being GOOD at bullshitting. many such cases
#personal#rottmnt#although tbf its probably because with leo its unpacked more thoroughly in the movie#donnie is not a morally ambiguous emotionally unavailable bad boy. he is very sensitive actually#he's a little crybaby /aff#and like this isnt hidden. he isnt SECRETLY sensitive or secretly caring its very out in the open actually#he's not hiding it well AT ALL AND THEY ALL KNOW IT LMAOOOOOOOO#i think donnie's perception of himself is somewhat earnest and somewhat. not? he DEFINITELY thinks he's more evil than he actually is#BGHFHDHGJFHG#i think what causes him to lash out and struggle to communicate is his inability to articulate his feelings#they are just too big for him. like its the exact opposite of robotic#he cant force himself to give a fuck but when he DOES its too much#so he yells and lashes out or he shuts down completely#honestly i think the perception of him being too sensitive being a problem makes way more sense than the perception of him being 'robotic'#when it comes to struggles in how his family sees him at least#even in little ways you can see him take it pretty personally when he's insulted#he struggles to blow things off#and i think it would also explain his tendency to like. visibly calm himself down when he gets upset? its a thing he does a lot in the show#he desperately wants to destroy that perception of him because he's trying so hard to close himself off#he doesn't want to be the sensitive one that cant take anything. it especially works in line with his shell#it was a big inspiration for canary continuity tbh. donnie should struggle with being the sensitive one in fic more#mikey is more empathetic and he's more emotional but donnie's quicker to feel offended or take things personally#BACKED UP HEAVILY BY CANON#that 'you can be honest with me! no hard feelings' - 'he's lyinggggggg'#like he's not upset with them babying him as much as he is with them genuinely finding it frustrating that he can fall behind like that#and just cannot take shit like that. so he tries to pull back and not seem as affected as he is#theyre a very cuddly family but mind you they can be actually mean to each other like that!!
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To be honest I don't really want mutuals who instantly assume I commented in bad faith to act "condescending" when I was nothing but light-hearted in disagreeing about a point in the post about one of the characters and agreed with everything else. 🤔 Especially not when I apparently pissed them off so much it made them post TWO (passive-aggressive) posts on the topic of disagreement afterwards instead of.... actual discussion? At least if I assume someone is being mean on purpose I ask them about it
#/vent#I softblocked them tbh#I mean apparently they think ill of me and thing I disagreed on is something they're passionate about#so I probably stepped on a landmine anyway and from my experience these can't be fixed#also it strongly reminded me of subparzero#they got hostile upon assuming I commented in bad faith for literally no reason#and then said I baited them for conflict over disagreeing at one djura point#and told me to go hang out with other neurodivergent folks instead#likewise entirely ignoring obvious signs of support and otherwise loving the post#so yeah having this bad memory resurface just. dealt massive mental damage.#I just don't now what's in such people's heads#I said I should stop vagueblogging about negative interactions lol#but honestly this made my blood pressure jump super high#needed almost an hour to calm down and type this#mostly because I'd think a *mutual* would not assume I am just here to trash on them#especially when there was no reason to!!!#at this rate I don't even actually want to know what in my comment was 'condescending'#either language barrier or autistic barrier the answer is always the same#something I physically can't fix so its whatever
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i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo
#ganondoodles talks#also probably sounds like self pity#but this feeling hits everytime i see a super popular artist be the popular cool artist#i am a little weird i know that and thats not somethign bad i think#but the internet never gets to see that much of me#i tend to write posts when i am at my worst bc it has to go somewhere#so the image it tells people is that im a weirdly strong opiniod freak that gets breakdowns over nothing#i also dont feel like im otherwise -cool tm- enough to balance that out#i dont think my art is as stylized or as inventive as others nor am i cool to interact with bc idk how to be cool to interact with#i feel double bad when i misstepped with someone i used to talk to bc of something stupid ... or just dont know what i did wrong#im guessing its especially when i am in that spiraling state of mind where i really am not myself tbh#it still feels very bad bc i feel like i can never make it up to anyone again#sorry i acted like a jerk my brain was exploding in emotions in a desperate attempt to deal with something idk how to deal with-#-and made me not act like myself but now i feel really dumb about it#doesnt sound like a good excuse#... i want to thank those that do stick with me#even if i acted strange sometimes- even if i disappointed sometimes- even when i couldnt keep a promise#there are little things that still make me angry at myself#like that one time i asked in the tags whod read as long as the end of them and if someone did shoudl send me an ask so id draw a lil thing#and i got two#and i kept trying to remeber oh shit i need to do that and forgetting again/not having energy for it in a loop#i still feel like a jerk about it but now its probably too late#i wish i could answer all asks i get but man my energy for that is always rock bottom#no matter how much i enjoy the ask#and i love getting asks!!!#im sorry :((
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people who say that theyre "the only one right about this character" and then u open their page and its the most horrendous, twisted, far-fetched mischaracterization youve ever seen
#like genuinely who let you think that that was at all accurate im so dead#especially because they diss all the other people who talk about the character#but theyre talking about people who are actually right ?? or at least not SO far-fetched#a rare conundrum#it reeks of self obsession tbh like its one thing to make fun of people for how they see a character when the characterization is harmless#and another to make such bold claims about how ur the only right one#and then not even be right ??? u had one job#ugh its so annoying#jokingly saying u know everything abt ur character is different than being a straight up dick about it like wtf#if ur gonna make fun of other peoples takes and treat them like theyre dumb.. at LEAST make sure yours arent fucking dumb too#you smell bad btw#not tagging this i actually dont want people seeing this one lmao#meows post
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My brain is so full of Bees about Post-Shift 2.
It's a fan game that was delayed for 4 years -- by the time it released, fnaf fangames as a whole were not as popular as they had been, & most people in the scene had forgotten about Post-Shift 1, so not a lot of people heard about it/played it.
Worse still is the people who did talk about the game. Pretty unanimously, the consensus was this: this game is the craziest, most insane fnaf fangame. It's overly difficult with mechanics that have no rhyme or reason to them & tutorials that are wordy, unhelpful, & sometimes actively mislead the player, meaning you need to comb through a lot of text only to be misinformed. It's not as infamous as some other fangames, but it definitely was talked about very poorly.
In general, I think most of these criticisms were blown up out of proportion, but I can't really disagree with most people's problems -- it is difficult & wordy, & rather hard to understand. I think, however, that the game is still 1. Really fun, 2. Not a bad game at all, &, most importantly, 3. Is a free fucking game that was clearly a passion project. Most damn fangames never get off the fucking ground when made in groups because the creators will never make a red cent off the thing -- this game was made by one dude for 4 years & delivered to people for free. It didn't ask anything of you except to accept it as a difficult game & to not go in with wild expectations. The dev just wanted to make a game that was rough, but he also wanted to make a game that felt unique & was fun. & It is fun, too, is the damn thing.
#em.txt#ps2 post#post-shift 2#i obviously am biased#i also obviously have more to say#but for now i think this is a start. i think this is fine so far.#i got counter arguments i was gonna type about the problems#bc tbh i think the difficulty isn't as big a problem as the difficult curve -- it starts very high for a fangame#bc it assumed you know what they're like. you know how fangames work. but it over assumes that all the mechanics#work at the same frequency as other fangame#the difficulty curve of night 1 is pretty tough place to start which turned a lot of people off#especially with how long & unclear th tutorials are & of course night 1's tutorial starting with a character that is unused in that night#it's rough. night 2 is even tougher. but night 3 is a cakewalk once you beat 2 bc it only adds 2 threats#so you might expect the next night to be as easy or even easier & in my eyes yeah -- night 4 is easier than 1 even#except that it's completely different & is asking the player to learn a new game entirely which is its own difficulty#but i can crank out a night 4 easy peasy no prolem. so you might expect night 5 to be even easier right? WRONG#WRONG WRONG WRRRONNNGG even people who know what they are doing struggle#because a mechanic in the game actively increases the difficulty as the difficulty is increased which is EVIL#& night 6 is even harder i have seen 3 people beat night 6 it is absurd#i sat in a call with another PS2 fan who clearly played thr game s lot & loved it but they could not beat the night normally#& this night has fucking optional difficulty modifiers when you finish that make it harder it is hell on earth#there is no checkpoints it is bad it is so bad I haven't beaten it i talk abt this game every day i play all the nights#i do not fucking play this night bc the way the tutorial works is unreal & unhelpful it wants you to remember#all this shit but it removes the 'walk around & click things before the night starts to see how they work/where they are'#& then it changes every 2 hours to something new so you won 12-2 but you hit 2 & forgot this one person's mechanic#but the only way to read the tutorial again is to close the game bc it automatically puts you back into the night#& will not take you to the home screen to view the booklet for night 6 it's insane#so yeah. there is difficulty. but the difficulty curve being this inconsistent is worse tbh#i get night 6 is meant to be like a 'everyone is here!' bossfight but it's overwhelming & there is too damn much
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tbh i feel like shipping is quite overrated though this may be the depressed single person in me talking lol.
#like idk I do like to write and make oc relationships and whatnot#but I see fandom shipping stuff and it all just seems so. idk.#treated as way more important than what it really is.#mostly thinking about anti/pro nonsense tbh especially on the pro-shipper side#how people will talk about the importance of bakudeku fanfics like it's the next Stephen King or even remotely well written#same energy as seeing middleschoolers say their favorite trope-y fanfics are better than the classics their lame teachers make them read#and even just in a wider sense i guess its just im annoyed with the fandom response as always. big surprise for me i know.#there are good fanfics out there ofc it would be stupid to say any genre of anything is black and white#but man. i think just the vocality of fandoms and shipping just annoys me so bad lol and how people dramatize just how revolutionary it is
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Is got a hair cut and now I have to like go through the struggle of acclimatising to them having slightly different hair
#i basically cant recognise my partners after they have like. a hair cut#this is not the first time its happened i would just like ???? whenever my ex got a haircut for like. sometimes weeks#like i joke about my bad facial recognition issues but like. im actually not kidding#its also especially bad with intimate partner idk why.#maybe its bc i spend a long time memorising their face and then a change happens and its shocking !! even tho i know theyre gettin haircut#tbh it does happen w friends too one friend cuts his hair dramattically nd im like damn ur a new person woaw#i think it doesnt matter if the hair is dyed tho. bc its the same shape#sometimes i type out these things and have to take a hard look at myself like damn whats going on here
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not "i can do better" or even "i deserve better" per se, because i can't really believe that, but an inexplicable third reason i won't settle for a relationship where my level of care, effort, and sacrifice isn't reciprocated <3
#can't really explain why#it's a feeling like i want to say i deserve better but i always feel fundamentally unworthy of love so that's not it#and it's definitely not confidence that i can actually find someone willing to treat me better bc i often think i'll end up alone#but its a feeling like i would rather be alone than with someone who doesn't treat me the way i want to be treated#and i'm not saying this guy was cruel or bad in any way he just chose himself over me and didn't prioritize me#to the point that he broke up with me to make more time for his hobbies#and i don't need to be someone's absolute number 1 priority especially early in a relationship#but i feel like the relationship should be somewhere close to the top of the list#at least between career and skiing#not like i wanted or ever asked him to stop skiing#but he was aware that he was choosing to spend his time off doing that rather than seeing me#and im not even upset about that#honestly it was the entire days he spent in bed watching tv including the last day of break before we both went back to work#where he was too exhausted or lazy to want to see me even when i offered to come over#maybe it's not that i personally deserve better than that but i feel like everyone deserves better than that#anyway no point really but i cant quite put into words why i'm so okay with this breakup but this has something to do with it#i won't settle for not being a priority even if that means i end up alone#which is a nice feeling bc in the midst of it i was so patient and willing to put up with it#like oh he just needs time and if i out up with it and i'm not clingy then he'll love me and i'll become a priority#but even early in a relationship getting to know someone takes a willingness to prioritize doing that and make time for them#like i didn't need to see him every day but we had two entire weeks off from work and i saw him 4 times#and only 3 of those were actual dates#and i'm not mad at him i just accept that he's not really capable of having a relationship with anyone until he matures a lot#he didn't set out to hurt me or anything he's just immature and a bit selfish but i'm sure he doesn't even know that#but i'm glad it happened bc now i know what my standards are tbh#this has been a shitpost
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not me openly admitting that shade lowkey takes after me. this was not intentional, I swear. uwu; she kinda just... ended up with an extra dose of who I am as a person, whereas most of my original characters receive much less.
I realized this when considering that shade is most likely homo leaning. and I was like, haha she's just like me ! an enby ace lesbian... and then the similarities just kept getting drawn. idk maybe I'm just overly tired.
also like. not gonna apologize ? she really isn't a self-insert. but its also like... creators are allowed to put themselves into what they make ! and I'm proud of shade, I really am. so I won't be made ashamed for traits we might share.
#《 ° puffin.exe 》 im a puffin ! i dont do much#° mobile post !#° to be deleted !#tbh i dont know hoe people get off accusing people of making self inserts in the rpc like#how do you know ?? unless i explicitly state or draw comparisons ??#and why would i do that if my intent is to fool people ? like.#i understand that interacting with inserts can be uncomfortable. i do !#but unless you really know the person ? you arent in a place to say their characters are inserts#and tbh i feel like most of my discomfort comes from the prospect of being deceived#im okay with writing with inserts but im gonna draw boundaries#especially if youre writing them with the intent to live through them / fantasize.#while I think its valid its not something i am personally comfortable with. i dont consent to that as an rp partner.#but im also envisioning the worst possibility in which its someone getting off to how i interact with their oc#point being. to my mind. self inserts arent bad. they also arent easy to judge.#and even if i dont consent to interacting with an insert for the purpose of being wank material or emotional stimulus...#people could still use my content for wank or emotional stimulus by putting themselves in the shoes of whoever im writing with so#am i really one to judge? no. because again. i dont know.#and i honestly think anyone who can come out and say their oc is an insert or takes after them is#more trustworthy than someone who doesnt disclose it. idk just. there is no need for deception.#and if you do try to deceive me im gonna assume you have ill intent#whereas honesty is something that should be valued. especially in cases where the truth is so stigmatized.
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THEY FUCKING CANCELED TBOYS CLUB LMAOOOOOOOOO
#im gonna fucking. oh my god.#after the TIME ive been having. i had ONE fucking thing i was looking forward to god fucking damn it#pride is literally the one thing that reliably brings me joy i wait for it all year . and i was out of rome during the week with all the#good non corporate inclusive etc events in LONDON with my cousing doing FUCKALL bc she was in a bad mood over arguing with her shitty bf (i#hope jakey dies)#then pride march yesterday was literally so terrible too overcrowded super mismanaged it was my SIXTH rome pride so I know how it usually#goes and it WASNT it . only highlight was hanging out w gio tbh#and the ONE fucking thing i was holding onto. thinking well at least i have this and itll give me that queer joy and communion I literally#hold onto to survive. especially the idea of being in a place where my correct gender is assumed for FUCKING ONCE which NEVER happens not#even in lgbt places. where I could cope with the knowledge i will probably not be able to transition for a couple years at LEAST and if/#when i ever do im in for a terrible hellish situation with my family. and celebrate the now and get hope that maybe its livable maybe i can#keep pulling on this rope until one day im safe and it wont snap in the meantime.#and its fucking GONE. GOD damnit.
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ok yakuza 6 spoilers and not a very insightful post but every time i remember how young haruka is when she has haruto i get sooo nervous lol. she's like NINETEEN. what the FUCKK
#i know conceptually that ppl have kids that young but.woah#i guess it didnt happen a lot in the ppl i went to school with/i didnt pay that much attention to it/stigma led to minimization of it#like she has to take care of a whole baby now. she has to be a mother and take on the kinda role kiryu had#while also kinda managing the orphanage relatively alone bc kiryu bailed. wtf wtf#idk. i think im kinda squeamish about pregnancy in general a little? but especially that young like.ough#good or bad wanted or not having a kid is a big fucking deal and it scares me a little idk. especially since haruto WAS unintentional#like whats she gonna do for a job. she probably cant do college soon (if ever) and shes probably blacklisted from showbiz entirely#so even if she wanted to do behind the scenes work she couldnt#even with yuta's help it'd be a stretch. and then theres rhe other orphans i just. hhhhh aughhhh#man taking care of a baby was hard enough for kiryu and he's like ok teenage daughter. im going hands off like WHAT#i think the ending choices of 6 are fascinating and theres a lotta reasons to criticize kiryu within that but leaving her with effectively#7 younger siblings and a baby is one i dont see talked about enough tbh#rgg#its SCARY. I'M SCARED.#im sooo fucking worried about my future and haruka's looks even more terrifying to me so it just activates shit in my brain
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Tumblr is always like social norms are evil and stupid and hurt people that doesn't fit in (which is extremely true and I say this all the time too)
But the moment someone do something here stupid everybody is like turn into hive mind and bully them.(not racism or bigoted stuff like terfs idk I am talking about just weird things)
Like people preach be yourself, current social norms are fucked up then mock you for not following Tumblr culture or whatever.
#people who make angry posts to other users about tumblr etiquette etc.#like how dare you spam liking my blog how can you not know this is wrong why are you not thinking#or how dare you asking them something because you cared you clowns go learn unwritten tumblr interaction etiquette rules#we love people who dont understand social norms easily tho 😌#ughhhhh i am angry#and this is not about me btw all my interactions in Tumblr was amazing following and follower#but some other post that u saw#like yeah they are annoying maybe why are you mocking or smugly mean about it just teach them whats wrong#like its my neurodivergency i know but i genuinely can't see sometimes not wrong i only can find patterns but not explain them#and if you tell me instead of mocking whats wrong here i can then see my problem and just fix it and also it would be amazing for me too#i would also develop as a person#this is my strategy irl tbh first i explain someone what's makes me feel wrong and bad about their thing#then if they don't understand after a while and its hurting me i just then be angry to them and say okay this persom is stupid/annoying#anyways i just especially after starting therapy stopped judging people even when how much weird weird they are#i cant know without asking and i can be same too#rant#long long tags#i should learn telepathy so much i want telepathy its only communication way that would satisfy me
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despite the awful ad attempt here, i gave it a go and finally finished watching one piece live action and uhhh its actually good?
#this is going to be very subjective so just a disclaimer#there were really good things they did. i even liked a few changes to the story a little better than the og#but some things were really bad imo. and they left out some core scenes that would change a lot about certain stories. at least for me#its kinda sad because most of them are relevant even now after years of ongoing content#for example koby and garp was done so well i loved to see more on how they got to the point they are#but they left out so many good lines that made the crews relationship in both mihawk fight and sanji's beginning etc#some lines being cut off made some scenes fall flat and felt a lot less emotional than it is supposed to be#i'm not trying to be negative because i think for a live adaptation it was great and i really enjoyed it#i even teared up at some points lmaooo (shanks and bellmere... are we even surprised)#though i think if you already know and enjoy one piece that makes it a whole lot better#i hope they continue filming this tbh i wanna see how they will handle future arcs especially knowing what is next from now on#one piece live action#murmurmur
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can we stop putting celebrities on horses for aesthetic reasons when they can't ride for shit
#fio.txt#ignore this very specific rant lmao#but the amount of times i just want to scream when i see they've used another horse to make something look cool.........#yes this is about h*rry st*les#didnt even know he had a new mv but saw gifs on here#and like#deep breaths#i am weeping inside#his posture is bad first of all but not actually as horrible as it could have been#but even so he's not actually moving with the horse and that's just 😭#the tack looks cool yeah but why the fuck would you give a rider with unsteady and therefore harsh hands#the reins that are attached to a leverage bit where basically the entire point is to NOT have constant contact#LOOSE REINS being a keyword here#like that's gonna cause pain every time he yanks on the reins#which isnt even his fault tbh like yeah friesians are gorgeous horses but theyre literally bred to look flashy nowadays#and theyre not very nice and easy to sit on for that reason esp not in trot when youre not used to such gaits#so please can we just get doubles that wont fall into the horses back with every step#this isnt just about him its about almost every scene where they just put random people on a horse#especially with either ill fitting or bits that are not suited for how unsteady the riders hands are#and its just painful to look at#at least they opted out of giving him spurs#but like for the love of god when you have so much money then put it to use somehow. take some lessons or pay someone who has actual skills#not even getting into the horse girl tv shows where i just want to rip my hair out bc so often thats just not how its done#thats not how it works and thats definitely not fucking bits you give to beginners ever unless youre a cruel human being who hates animals#well anyway. enough ranting
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you know. i do think that weight loss- even smaller weight loss of like 20 pounds- from ozempic would legitimately make it worth it for me, in terms of the typical GI stuff. i just wouldn't want to stay on it forever, because it's expensive and a pain in the ass to administer, and to my understanding that is necessary to maintain the lower weight. though i do wonder if it'd work the same for me- since my weight gain was caused by a hormonal disorder that is now no longer ravaging me quite as hard. the big thing is just the risk of gastroparesis because i'd much rather remain at my current weight (which doesn't generally cause me health problems) than deal with that for the rest of my life. idk. bit of a moot point because my insurance doesn't cover it for anything but diabetes anyway, but it's been recommended to me by a couple different doctors, so it's been on my mind every time i see a dumb joke or whatever.
#weight mention#idk i know i'll never be thin it'd just be nice to be like 180 again#i don't think my weight CAUSES anything on its own but it does hurt my ankles on soft ground sometimes#and it's just generally much easier to exist in a smaller body albeit largely due to systemic fatphobia#not that i labour under the delusion that it'd make buying clothes n whatnot easier. unfortunately my ass will always be bodacious#the feeling of taking up too much space and being disgusting to look at is smth ive had since before i was ever actually fat#so i don't think that'll ever go away#hell idek if people would treat me better i got way more shit about my weight when i was thinner but reeking of insecurity tbh#but i would like how i look better. which does matter. i just don't want to do it if the side effects are bad#and i especially do not want to risk yoyoing and gaining more weight#cos being at a stable weight for the first time ever was like. huge for me. and gaining weight has generally been an unending nightmare#i told my doctor hey if i could take a medication that makes me thinner with minimal side effects i obviously would#but what i already take (metformin) is cheap and well-studied. and even then starting it was brutal just worth it to stop gaining#ozempic is expensive new and understudied. so i want to wait. and she was like that is absolutely perfectly reasonable#because ultimately losing 20 pounds is not going to be such a radical improvement to my health that it's worth potential longterm issues#20 pounds comes from that study finding the avg was 5-10% of body fat fyi. So for me at 250 it's 15-25 that I'd expect
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Batman wishes he could Spider-Man
#everyone is always like “the no kill rule is stupid” “he should just kill the joker already”#but no ones like “spidermans no kill rule is stupid” “why doesn't spiderman kill the green goblin already”#this is because i think spidey goes about it better#and because for spiderman. you can actually believe in redemption for his villains. especially the green goblin. as being achievable#batman series will never let you have this#i. dont quite know how to put it into words#batman feels more stagnant. while it feels more like spidey progresses#theyre both heros tormented by who they couldnt save#spidey should get a spidercave#he already has a spidermobile /silly#batman should have an alternative universe version of him called batsman who is made up of a bunch of bats that eat people#hnng#maybe another reason bats rule isnt respected while spideys is#is because spiderman tries to be good and batman admits he isnt?#bc spiderman usually doesn't even terribly beat up common criminals. he webs them up#and some believe spidey doesn't have a no kill rule at all. and i think that also plays in his favor#theres also the fact that spiderman is more relatable to the viewer as a person#theyre both consumed by their work. but for batman. bruce is mostly the persona. while for spidey both his hero and his civilian identity#matter greatly and are a central part of him#maybe its the clearer connection between their two big bads. norman was the father of peters best friend. and the guilt of killing#green goblin would probably destroy him#but batman and joker dont have that kind of connection. not in most media at least. so viewers see a character the comics will never redeem#with no personal connection to bats. who'll always kill. and they fail to see why batman shouldn't#and to go back to redemption#it manages to feel like spiderman makes more of an effort. and like he actually believes it possible. he tries to talk to them. to help them#to not hurt them#bats takes his characters to arkham. which is shown to be corrupt and making them worse like 9 times outta 10#batmans world feels so hopeless and neverending sometimes tbh#anyway im just sorta rambling here what do you guy think about the subject
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