#even if i keep tripping over everything
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Two green ice cream bars! 7-11 Crunchy Pistachio and Black Thunder Chocomint. I expected the pistachio to taste mostly like white chocolate, but it was actually super pistachioful, with great textural contrast. The ice cream was high quality too.
The Black Thunder was kinda more for kids, like its namesake candy bar that you can always find at the conbini for ¥30 (~20¢). The chocolate was nice, the ice cream less so. But the interesting part was that there were large chunks of candy bar (chocolate-covered plain biscuit chunks) *inside* the ice cream! Personally, I didn't think the flavor of the biscuits fit the minty ice cream, but I liked the surprise!
#ice cream#japanese sweets#pistachio#chocolate mint#you may have noticed the wide variety of carpets and blankets and yoga mats on my floor#the reason for this is because iggy likes to have a variety of textures to dig in and lie on and lick and dig and roll on#it's very important to him#even if i keep tripping over everything#he is the boy! he is president of our apartment
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Big Mama must have lost some serious standing in the yokai underworld because it’s gotten apparent that she keeps being beaten by a small group of teenagers and the occasional rat man, and when it’s not them then she’s taking L’s from her own schemes working against her.
And in the ensuing power vacuum, the Hamatos accidentally become the most feared crime family known to all the big bads of the Hidden City.
After all, they’ve publicly outplayed Big Mama multiple times, a couple of them have taken out the heads of two of the most well known criminal organizations, one took out Heinous Green, two are responsible for the destruction of Witch Town, they have ties to both the infamous Baron Draxum and Captain Piel, they won the Doom Dome death race, they’re Battle Nexus Champions, they’ve displayed insane feats of power and defeated impossibly strong enemies, most of them have been to jail, and they regularly mingle with humans.
You can just imagine the notoriety they’d accumulate from word of mouth alone.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt headcanons#rise of the tmnt#I didn’t even list everything the Hamatos are MENACES#it’s so funny#bonus if none of the Hamatos realize how terrifying their presence in the Hidden City has become#every time Leo goes to bother Hueso the guy just has his head in his hands like Pepino…I JUST got my brother out of crime…and now you???’#Leo’s just like ‘lmao what crime’#meanwhile a trail of destruction follows them wherever they go#just look at the library smh#the small time yokai villains hearing about how scary the fam is and having two different reactions#one being no way are we talking about the same babies tripping over themselves and barely beating anyone#the other is oh god I barely escaped with my LIFE huh#sunita listening to all the worry her parents have about this new ‘Hamato Family’ and laughing inside#she tells April and April keeps it a secret to see how long it takes the others to realize it#when accused of crime Donnie accidentally and largely unprompted starts denying his digital asset thefts and then has to deny he denied it#when he learns of what is thought of them Raph has a crisis the poor boy#Mikey’s happy they’re ‘known for being a family!:)’#he - kinda terrifyingly - kinda likes the thought of that lol#Leo: 🤔 think I could go back to that hair spa then? (no)#in their defense while they are MENACES society is ALSO a menace to THEM
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anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before
#like it was one thing when i was in high school and college like wasn't socialized as a child due to not receiving schooling and growing up#sda blah blah whatever but like i'm almost 27 and i am barely functioning lol like i feel like i'm struggling to have a normal conversation#even more than i used to and i think my speech cadence is noticably off which i don't think it always has been#some of it is definitely from chronic exhaustion from having to get up too early and the stress of having a frequently panic inducing boss#but like. come on now. i can't even drive despite finally having a license because i'm too scared/distractible/poor reaction time#over a dozen antidepressants have not worked. adderall is not working great either#i'm SO much dumber than i used to be and it's driving me quite literally insane#i don't even think it's from getting covid in july because i was noticing it before although it definitely became way more noticeable after#i got this job. i've never been this bad at a job in my life and it's something anyone who knows me would assume i'd be good at#it's embarrassing. i cannot fucking remember anything i struggle to do the most basic of arithmetic to fill prescriptions i make the same#silly mistakes multiple times i am constantly asking stupid questions and still somehow fucking up all the time#it's not as bad as it was a couple months ago and frankly i'm shocked i haven't gotten fired i keep thinking that's going to happen#of course i wanted to quit this job four months ago but now i'm at like a sunk cost fallacy point unfortunately#this is obviously not like any kind of career position for many reasons but i don't know what else to do unless i move across the country#again. i'm not even qualified for anything besides animal related things and summer camp which are fine obviously but not great if you want#things like benefits or paid leave or not to get burned out as hell lmao#i don't even feel like i could do any customer service jobs because i literally struggle to put a coherent sentence together on the spot#everything is so slow. soooo slow i'm literally losing my mind which is catastrophic because my mind is all i've ever had going for me#and i'm having kind of a horrible existence lately which is exacerbating all my problems except the problems make it mostly impossible to d#anything to fix it. ok going out and doing some fun stuff for a day makes me feel better that's great. except then i need a day after that#to recover from doing things the previous day. so the only feasible day for doing things would be saturday. except on saturdays i'm#recovering from working. i literally only work 4 days and barely over 30 hours it's Not that crazy. i mean the boss is crazy and the job ca#also be crazy obviously but 30 hours a week is minimal compared to other work schedules i've maintained before#anyway but the most i can do after work is go to the store if i need to but i almost never have energy for anything fun#and the fucking bus doesn't run on sundays and walking miles to get literally anywhere takes a lot of energy i don't have#i'm about to move next weekend and i'm dreading it because it's going to be so much work and i'm so fucking tired#and i don't have any friends to help me with cleaning i might be able to get help moving my stuff but i'm not even confident about that#i might have to rent a uhaul but i would honestly rather pay somebody to help because i'm that scared of driving even for one 30 min trip#whatever....sorry i had to feel bad for myself in the tumblr dot edu tags again i'm not in therapy rn#(<- guy who should be in therapy)
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#currently on the worst road trip of my whole entire life! well. i don't want to jinx it lmao but#today i popped TWO TIRES at once in the middle of the Katy Freeway in Houston TX (the widest highway in the US; 26 lanes btw)#managed to make it over to the shoulder without DYING but then had to sit there for like an hour? and panic called a tow truck because duh#I know how to change a tire but I was – again – sitting on the shoulder of the widest freeway on the continent so#anyway I called a tow; a guy showed up. I assumed it was the tow! turned out it was not. but he helped me put on the spare and then was lik#“follow me to my shop I can do the tires for you” and I was like okay! 👍 but then the ACTUAL tow called me and I realized this was#just a random guy (very nice up to that point but then I got scared about following him to a secondary location?) and so I didn't lmao#I just kept driving and didn't follow him but the guy on the phone was then mad at me because I wasn't where I said I would be because#AGAIN – I thought the original guy WAS the tow company that I called? but anyway guy 2 on the phone was like “YOU OWE ME $200!!!!”#and I said for what? also how would I pay you? and he tried to get me to cash app him lmao?? I didn't. I hung up on him#he called me like 6 more times yelling at me until I finally just blocked his number 💀#however NOW at this point I'm driving on one spare tire and one rapidly-flattening second tire and I still have 3 hours left to get where#I was going for the night and to top it all off I'm in the middle of a city I've only been to one time before? so I manage to get to a hote#like a nice-ish one where I'm like “okay if I get stuck here this won't be the end of the world”#because keep in mind today is a national holiday so basically everything is closed!!!! btw!!!!!#but eventually I'm sitting there and it's literally 100F outside and I remember oh right lol I have car insurance which pays for a tow#(a normal one; not a random one I panic-found on google who calls me screaming at me to cash app him $200)#so anyway I call my insurance and the guy on the phone is very nice and is like “it's okay; we'll have someone to you in 45 min”#and I'm like okay. OKAY. 🙌💪 I am a strong independent woman who is figuring this out and no longer on the side of the highway#but instead in a nice calm neighborhood and all I have to do is wait 45 min and everything will be okay#one hour goes by. I call back. get redirected to the tow company that was dispatched. guy says oh! is my guy not there yet?#I say no. he says okay – I'll have him call you. hangs up.#okay. 20 more min go by. guy finally calls me. says “I'm 20-25 min away” at this point I've been waiting about an hour and a half#I say. okay? okay. 30 more minutes go by. I try to call the guy back. straight to voicemail. three more calls. three more no answers.#I call my insurance back. sit on hold for 15 min. eventually get put through to a different person who's like “okay let me check on him”#get put on hold. eventually she comes back and says “okay he says 15 minutes” I've been waiting over 2 hours at this point. I have to PEE#I just... burst into tears. on the phone with this poor random woman from Geico Insurance. I'm bawling my eyes out.#she was trying to get claim info from me but I'm crying so hard she's like “oh baby no. okay. okay. we can get that from you tomorrow.”#when you cry so hard that even the insurance company is like “you know what we're just going to let this one slide”#anyway guy eventually shows up. he's very nice even though I hate him a little for being so late. he drives me to an OPEN TIRE SHOP
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screaming into the void <3
#my best friends boyfriend (who i’ve also been friends with for years) is just. not himself rn#we think it’s a manic episode but we don’t really know but it’s. terrifying lowkey#he thinks he’s genuinely jesus and that he’s conquered time and that he and my bsf are adam and eve#he’s been sending my bsf liek hundreds of texts per day since tuesday but it got really really bad and incoherent yesterday#and i woke up this morning to see multiple texts from gcs he created w me in them#and he keeps being like ‘because it’s 6:20 this is true’ and like ‘i know that at 9 pm everyone is gonna understand’#and he’ll text like 5 times then send a sc of what he just texted like that proves something but it’s all nonsense#i’m just really really concerned cause he really needs help but i don’t know how to ensure that happens cause he’s 19. not a minor#he’s just. not him rn. he’s called my bsf multiple times yesterday when he HATES calling normally#he had his band and his mom over in his apartment yesterday cause my bsf called his mom and h went to his bands show but was visibly not ok#and he saw nothing weird about it even tho he hates having ppl over normally and never without warning#and you can’t get him to see logic because everything you say he just twists around to work for him#to be clear it was not this bad when it started. when it started it seemed like normally maybe slightly out there conclusions he was drawing#but it just got worse and worse like exponential decay and really bad yesterday#he also didn’t sleep at all yesterday night and idk if he slept tonight#i know his mom took his phone at one point but he texted me and gcs w me in it starting at like 6:20 this morning#and my bsf and i and friends are on a trip out of state rn but we’re leaving today and i don’t wanna wake her up until i have to because#this is literally hell for her. but it’s just. scary. i don’t know what to do. i don’t think there’s any good options really for me rn#i want to warn ppl and try to explain he’s Not Him rn so they don’t get concerned but who knows if they’ll understand what i’m trying to say#i know it’s not the end of the world but it really feels like the end of my world as i know it if that makes sense#and my bsf lives with him in an apartment near their college and they just signed the lease for the next year#but she can’t stay there with him alone. not until he gets help. we’re all too scared it’s going in the directon where he thinks it’s better#for ppl to go to the afterlife. which like he never would normally. but he’s Not Him and so like. who knows#he keeps talking about all these different dimensions and how you need to travel to the 7th dimension to understand#my bsf was crying yesterday and she called her mom to explain and she keeps saying that she just wants her jake back it’s really scary#cause he will probably never be the same again. he’ll be similar but different but she wants his comfort but he’s Not Him. and can’t give it#i just. really want this to get better but it’s so hard to see that happening rn
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anyway in an absolutely wild turn of events I think I’m free of my hideous job and like. substantially richer for it??? lmao 2023 you really owed me
#ok so this a lot of personal shit but I’m just gonna incredulously vent into the tags#like I don’t even know how to describe what 2023 in this job has been like lol#since April they’ve been insulting and scrutinising and scapegoating me over absolutely everything#they were really angling for just firing me outright for never measuring up to their constantly shifting and increasingly bizarre goalposts#and it got so personal man they kept insisting that it wasn’t but my god#then my dad gets sick and it suddenly becomes awkward for them to keep insulting and overworking me#so they switch to just ignoring me entirely so they don’t have to reckon w what me and my family are going through#like they never ask how he is or how things are going just every Friday they say hey do you reckon you can take more work on again?#and THEN I get a gut infection and suddenly im being guilt tripped for taking sick leave and pestered for evidence#it was giving like ‘we had to give you time off for your dad but now you’re taking the piss’#to the point I DID reach out to a third party at the company and was like ‘I’m sorry but why the fuck are they treating me like this’#and she was like ‘confidentially this is disgusting and I advise you to report it’#WHEN SUDDENLY I get back from sick leave and it’s like ‘the business is falling short so we have to make some redundancies….’#and now they’ve had to pay me a SUBSTANTIAL sum to fuck off!!! I think I win???#like I was so close to quitting but thank god I didn’t because now I’m getting a sweet deal to fuck off with no notice lmao#i leave end of the month#at first I was shocked like y’all really doing this now??? but suddenly I’m like. this is the best possible thing that could’ve happened#I spoke to that third party again and she was like ‘I am so happy for you’ like omfg it was a curveball but we’ll take it!!!#I’m fucking outta here and in due course I WILL be writing on glassdoor how fucked they are
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hi! oh my goodness. i am SO sorry i didn’t say anything earlier. i did read everything a couple days ago, and i Have been chewing on it, rotating it in my mind, etc etc…..and the graphic has been my phone lockscreen since i first read it!!!!!
frankly i am obsessed and have also been a little frazzled this month lol. saw your post late because of the general whirlwind that is december and then couldn’t quite get my thoughts into sufficient words n got worried “oh no would it be weird to say something now…..” which is incredibly silly in retrospect, so sorry for that.
i’m relatively new to hockey fandom and the Narratives don’t always quite click for me (yet, at least :)) because i don’t know all of the lore for a lot of the popular pairings haha, so it means a lot that you’ve taken time out of your day to break things down for me and share your own thoughts <3 tysm. again, super sorry for the delayed response. i’m very sorry if you felt as though you’d wasted your time or something along those lines :’) just wanted to let you know that i really appreciate you and the time it took you to get everything down and make the graphic!!!! and like i can’t overstate how much your tags both over here and on your other blog have helped me to Get It since the start of this season, so thank you.
but now the house is quiet, the in-laws are gone, and no new work stuff until january :) so i can finally get some stuff down. every point you brought up hits in it own way but gosh you are very incredibly right the mcstrome of it all…..that’s sort of the lens i’ve been listening to the song through since you mentioned it.
the golden boy and the “draft bust” and the ever present notion of “isn’t it all about old friends? like everything? all of it?”. like idk looking back on a bestfriendship from when you were a teenager that was Super intense and the lines were blurred and maybe realizing (if you hadn’t had the words or the “guts” or awareness or wtv to put a name to it at that point in your life) that y’all were a smidge more than just friends.
best friends forever until you just aren’t! growing up and growing apart. it’s just the way things go but it can and will ache for a damn long time! you think you’re over it until their birthday or the holidays roll around and you wonder in a distant sort of way who they’re spending it with. what you would’ve hypothetically gotten them as a present if you still spoke. what do they even like nowadays, anyway?
maybe having the friendship end subtly. going from playing and traveling together and living in one another’s pockets to 2,080 miles of distance? (i may have my timeline/details confused here so sorry in advance) texting as much as you can at first but he’s a phenom he’s mcjesus he’s the next in line he’s expected to win the cup with his new team and end the drought for Canada. and they have him now but he was yours first, wasn’t he? but it’s fine. because you’re busy too. you’re captaining the team now. you’re gonna get the memorial cup that he couldn’t. it’s fine. you’re fine. you don’t even have time to worry about it anyway.
one conversation a week turns to one a month turns to once in a blue moon turns to stale words until it goes cold. these days you can’t quite seem to remember who ended things, but does it really matter all that much now?
or maybe it doesn’t end like that at all. maybe it ends in a flurry of angry words and digs in some or other of the endless hotel rooms you’ve shared together over the years. who knows!
and that’s not even getting into the rest of the 2015 draft class. or the ld19 of it all! ooh hoo hoo. you grew up with him but he’s not your waiting room. he grew up with you but he’ll grow “old” (end his career) with someone else. and isn’t that just something!
i don’t think it’s totally them, but sort of the sentiment of “I hope you get everything you ever wanted and I hope I never hear a word about it.” I want one ticket off of your carousel!!!! merry christmas, please don’t call!!!!!!!
dylan being sent up and down and traded around until finally landing in washington, a place where he is clearly at home and LOVED for the guy and player he is!!!!!!!! watching a game and seeing all the strome jerseys in the crowd……..wagh.
all that said. some other songs that are mcstrome to me in various ways: hot & heavy by lucy dacus (lol kinda the whole song). before the world was big by girlpool (“i just miss how it felt standing next to you wearing matching [jerseys? sweaters?] before the world was big”). happiness by Taylor swift (“i guess it’s the price i pay for seven years in heaven”), cut your bangs by radiator hospital (maybe? possibly? unsure. i like the whole dog thing there). i’m so glad i feel this way about you by insignificant other (!!!!!). there are so many THEM lyrics in there……..waough.
anyway. other things off the top of my head: 2015 connor specifically saying something like “hey let’s wait a minute so we can see this” to stand by the stage when dylan was getting drafted after him. MAN. you reminded me of the fact that they couldn’t even make eye contact at the handshake line!!!!!!!!! they didn’t go to each other’s weddings!!!!!!!!!! (do you think once upon a time they ever thought they’d being each other’s best man?). just a couple months ago dylan liking the tweet of connor getting that goal during the playoffs!!!!!!!! makes you wonder if he texted him………..
lol this was all over the place and i was probably wrong on some things and there’s SO much more that someone else could say way more eloquently, but i digress. i dunno everything about them is so nuts to me!!!!! needless to say i will be incredibly sat for the game january 21 🙂↕️
thank you again for your time :) hope you have a good one and a happy rest of the holiday season! <3333333
what a lovely message to receive 🥰😭🥹 i had to break it up into chunks because i couldn't sit down to read all of it at once without just. bouncing right back up and shrieking. i am also at heart terribly shy so i understand the struggle but it is never too late to say something <3 you are always welcome here
first!!! i love sharing!! i think most of hockey tumblr loves to see people finding out the Lore for the first time and the wonderful thing about hockey is that. it keeps going on. so there's years and years and generations and generations and always something new to learn about. i've learned to just not be afraid to ask!!! between different teams and players i'm always discovering new narratives (learning about the sharks old man yaoi rn... cbj rarepairs...)
no... to my heart's despair... you have the timeline right. i think in the best most tragic sense there's a mcstrome narrative where it is truly that nothing went wrong. the love was there. we couldn't do enough to save it because we didn't see it slipping away. i didn't notice when you didn't call until you never did. i don't know you now but i still remember when i did, do you?
HE'S NOT YOUR WAITING ROOM?? passing out. i do see "i hope you get everything you ever wanted and i hope i never hear a word about it" as them because!! they didn't go to each other's weddings!!! i don't wish you harm but i'm not going to put myself through that!! i hope you're happy and i'm never going to look on purpose.
i love dylan strome so much and the best part is that they all love him so much too. he wore a cool vintage ovechkin jacket!! and got slapped in the face with a tortilla!! he loves to gently rag on the rookies!! it just takes some time, everything'll be just fine. you're only on the middle of the ride.
OKAY WHEN I READ THIS PART I SCREAMED BECAUSE I DO HAVE A MCSTROME PLAYLIST AND!!!! HOT & HEAVY BY LUCY DACUS IS IN FACT ON IT!!! SO IS CUT YOUR BANGS (BUT BY GIRLPOOL SO DOUBLE JINX)!!!! i have dorothea by taylor swift on there but i don't know happiness so i'll have to give all the other songs a listen. mostly i just shrieked because i was like NO YOU GOT THE VIBES EXACTLY
🧠〰️🧠 truly the mind meld happening here. the handshake line. the mutual wedding non-invitations. i won't block your number or your name on twitter i just hope i don't see it come up on screen!! i do think that we got confirmation the last time they played each other that dylan did text him to say congrats on a milestone but i would have to check the archives
p.s. i think you said it perfectly eloquently :) what matters is that you said it at all and i was delighted to read it 💕
#liv in the replies#HI HI HI HELLO!!! IT'S SO NICE TO HEAR FROM U i hope u have a lovely quiet end of the year <3 with lots of time to rest & find ur own joy#& YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE SORRY!!!! <33333 ANY MESSAGE IS A GOOD ONE!!! WHEN I TELL YOU I 🥹💕😭☺️🥰🦋💕💗‼️‼️❣️❣️ UPON RECEIVING THIS HEARTS FOR THU#ALSO IMPORTANT😭😭 I DIDN'T MEAN TO GUILT TRIP U I HOPE U DIDN'T TAKE IT THAT WAY i personally just. need to work on reblogging my own stuff#i hate reblogging my own fic announcements even so i was like listen this is for ME because EYE want it here and that's FINE. ok brain???#and also i think i have just accepted the slide that there WILL be hrpf here mostly because i keep tagging it but i always don't want to#plug this blog over on cbpc-hrpf or anything bc do you really need to follow me in multiple places or is that just being greedy you know.#obviously i don't because why else would i be dithering in the tags. anyway tl;dr i consider u beloved & also my friend welcome in the dms#at any time always. i hope everybody knows just yeet yourselves in there i am a Yapper and i love discussing. getting asks is one of my#favorite things :))) & getting messages from people is how u make friends!!! sometimes u tell people u love their work & now u are bffl <3#we all have like. Quintessential Moments that are secretly niche & the joy of going U DON'T KNOW ABOUT IGUANA WRESTLING??? is unmatched#also do you want to publish that poetry like?? hit after hit after hit. three paragraph six feet under. put it on the ao3 second person pov#dylan strome sitting at his fogged up kitchen window looking at the snow outside in washington the same as it was in erie the way it never#was in arizona and thinking about you know. maybe you know now what it was then. and does it matter? and in the end#he sees his girls run through the yard snowballs in their hands when he's done thinking everything through and he puts on his mittens and#walks out the door to his life. into the cold unknown you know. honorary fuckin' mention to what has secretly been percolating in my head#ever since i said the fogged glass window which is the one that knocks ME the fuck out every time but is so strongly a dylan/zach song to m#dream song by shallow alcove. just wanna press my nose up to the glass of your life. EYE cannot mcstrome w/that but it is incredibly vibes#also just. the queer experience of that Intense Friendship that you’re like WOW uh. maybe i need to think some things now. assigned to Them#HELP SOS what is ld19??? you will have to come explain this to me i fear. oh no you have to send me another message 😈 my brain said leon#but also london knights because mitch marner and the draft class of 2015. also had to laugh like i started singing phoebe bridgers waiting#room then immediately went into the argument of defying gravity 'i hope you're happy' (OBCR) because. i think they wish they could be spite#maybe. but maybe they know they only want them to be happy. also with the handshake... me when i. think about updating the goodnight chicag#cam now that stromer's in washington goodnight chicago goodnight indeed. DO WE EVEN WANT TO TALK ABOUT KITTY?? DEBRINCAT???? ALSO IN ERIE#also me🤝you🤝 caps/oilers game. they're like oh are u sick of the mcstrome teammates broadcast and i say no never thank u with my popcorn.#mcstrome
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I need Americans that were never Christian™️ to realize that the average conservative cult christian's thoughts are basically that one episode of Spongebob where he gets elected Hall Monitor and gives a speech with "Crime and Punishment. Punishment and Crime"
#christians see themselves as the hall monitors of the earth essentially#and everyone needs to be punished and have their good noodle stars taken else they'll commit arson#they genuinely believe that as soon as you stop policing people they'll delve into their deepest darkest fantasies and start committing sins#that even Jesus Christ himself didn't think of#they come from the idea that they are the only group capable of keeping things steady until Sky Papa can make his way down and fuck shit up#So when you do something bad it's because you fell into the pull of destruction#But when they do it's the equivalent of stepping on your dog's foot because they almost tripped you#I still think it's funny a bunch of christians are creationist tho lmao skill issue#My grandparents are but my dad isn't#he believes evolution essentially occurred over the same time the earth was being created#and the story of adam being made from dust was a metaphor and literal#he was made from dust made from decomposing animals and plants which he used to create us as a more perfect being#so now we continue to evolve because we're connected to the dust and can continue to try to improve#so my dad believes in evolution and went to college for biology and chemistry at the biggest HBCU in the US#That evolution/creationist tangent was completely unrelated but all twitter is for me rn is ppl freaking out about our rights being taken#I avoid twitter most of the time but like to look at my friends' and fav artists' tweets#and recently I think little joel made a video about the evolution video that was trending so yea#n e ways have a nice day y'all <3#I've been wanting to make more hehe hahas but everything in my brain rn is Undergraduate Thesis level shit#so I haven't really been reading or writing things I can talk about on Tumblr.Com ya know?#most of it is sociological textbooks memoirs and similar stuff that Id feel talking about on my casual blog#maybe Ill make a blog. like Blog blog for my essays one day#ex christian#religious trauma
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Something I keep seeing when I speak to others about MTMTE Megatron is basically the idea that he's going on a personal journey to become a better person, that the point isn't for him to be "redeemed" but for him to get a chance to do good and die as a person he can live with again. That MTMTE presents a unique take on this because being away from Cybertron gives Megatron a chance to be a person rather than a political figure and this is how it gives him more depth as a character. Or just generally pointing out in a narrative sense that Megatron being in MTMTE limits his story options so of course his story is going to be more focused on a personal journey than on politics of him dealing with the Decepticons/Earth/etc and that just because JRO made a choice to take that path with Megatron doesn't mean that it's inherently bad.
And I'm just, mmm like I understand all of those points and acknowledge that they all contributed to the MTMTE Megatron we got. I even think that without JRO writing Megatron we wouldn't have had his lore be as fleshed out and 3D as it ended up becoming.
(Post starts out as a sort of meta analysis or at least me giving a reasoned explanation for my interpretation of the story, ends up being petty bitching in the last 1-2 paragraphs)
I just..... I just personally don't agree with the "he's becoming a better person by getting a chance to relax and experience happiness and trust after a life of trauma" as being the best choice for his character? Because the problem is that maybe if he were a random Decepticon foot soldier that would be appropriate, but he was literally the leader of the Decepticons that made them Like That and has political/cultural/societal responsibility for why things are the way they are? To be completely frank, I don't care about him going on a personal journey for self-peace, I think that he should become a better person by helping to un-fuck all the things he actually screwed up???
Like idc about the debate of whether he can be "redeemed" or if he should've been killed/imprisoned/etc at the ending. It just comes down to the fact that for me personally, I feel that since Megatron's wrongdoings were at a social level, him "being a better person" would've been better shown by him engaging with those people who he wronged instead of just going on a frigging personal journey for his legacy and self-peace???
Especially since in other series (exRID, possibly Windblade) we literally got plots like "the neutrals hate Autobots but they hate Decepticons even more" and "the Decepticons have been taken over by Galvatron and are now invading earth 2 electric boogaloo" and "yeah the Decepticons are literally living in slums because people hate them so much and won't give them any work." It just leaves me wondering why in the hell people are like, "oh Megatron got to be happy and have a chance to be a normal person." I don't want him to be normal! I want him to repay his debts to the people he actually wronged! Like if you want to cast Megatron as a hero of the people so badly (which so many of his stans do as if he actually cared about the Cons) then how do you reconcile the fact that Megatron just fucked off and left the Decepticons to suffer on Cybertron? Including some of them attacking during his trial and getting killed and Megatron is basically like "sorry, I'm not coming with you and this isn't going to work." And then Megatron complains about "toxic Decepticon loyalty" as if he didn't literally make them that way? Like I get that MTMTE Megatron is still an asshole but if you've read something besides MTMTE and know what the Decepticons are going through, it just ends up being really grating.
I just don't see Megatron as being a particularly good hero or having a particularly fulfilling story if he's completely isolated from all the bad things he did on Cybertron/the way the Decepticons are suffering until LL#25 where it's like "ah damn I'm going to trial now, well this is what I deserve so it's fine." Why could we not have seen something like Megatron trying to deradicalize the Decepticons or change their public image so they could integrate into normal Cybertron again? They were living in SLUMS and getting gunned down by Starscream's badgeless enforcers!
The best we got was the Functionist Universe but like.... I'm sorry, but JRO inventing a whole alternate universe for Megatron to save doesn't do jack shit to save or fix the people he left behind in this one. It was especially grating to read because JRO literally wrote in someone saying "you saved billions of lives from the Functionists" as if he was trying really hard to show how good Megatron is because he saved people (and also if not for Megatron existing Cybertron would be even worse and half of your faves would be enslaved or dead, also the Functionist Council was going to genocide organics too so technically they're WORSE than Megatron since they hate organics AND want to enslave their own race).
I read Barber's, JRO's, and MScott's series concurrently using the omnibus + a release order list for phase 3, and after all that I'm kind of puzzled why the fandom seems to ardently love MTMTE Megatron and think he's so well written but then also shit on Optimus for things that he did during the same points in the story? Because, and I know this is a blazing hot take, I honestly think that Optimus makes a better hero of his story than Megatron does for his, and Optimus' personal journey combines his personal and political identities into a narrative that's a lot more gruelling and questioning of his goodness than we got for Megatron in MTMTE. Which is fucking saying something considering Megatron committed crimes against sapient species and Optimus is the guy who tried to stop him from doing that and has always been pro-equal rights for all beings. But people pretty much just cherrypick things like Optimus annexing Earth or beating up Prowl and go "he's bad" and I'm like no??? IDW OP isn't a bad person or a bad character??? It's just that unlike MTMTE Megatron he's placed in a narrative that actually suits the nature of his actions and has themes that match. To the point that IMO sometimes Barber's narrative shits on Optimus excessively or paints him mainly in the most unflattering ways.
But like. It's just funny to me because Optimus spent his entire part of the story doing things like trying to stop Earth from being invaded/colonized yet again. Grappling with his identity as Prime and dealing with the fact that people literally worship him vs. the fact that his upbringing made him see the Primacy as nothing more than a facade of authority/leadership. Having people get mad at him for prioritizing politics over friendship/relationships with other people. Even getting shit on for being a cop a decent amount so people can STFU about IDW OP being "copaganda" or "not held responsible for his actions". The problems that Optimus dealt with were personal because they had to do with his self-doubt, culpability for the war as a leader of one of the armies, distance from his soldiers, etc. But all of these are also POLITICAL struggles. Because Optimus gave up on the chance to just be a normal person having personal struggles when he chose to become a LEADER, which also means that he's held to extremely high standards that he regularly fails at in the eyes of others.
That's why, to me, MTMTE Megatron falls flat in comparison and really as a "hero" or heel-face character in general? Because he also made a decision to be a leader, and IMO once you do things like become the commander of an army and start your own galactic empire, you lose the right to prioritize your personal problems and instead are obligated by the power you've chosen to wield to focus on your POLITICAL problems. If Megatron's power, influence, and crimes are of a social-political nature, then his heel-face turn arc and ways of showing that he's a better person/helping to heal what little damage he possibly can should have been shown with actions that help on a social-political LEVEL. That's why I'm not particularly impressed with his character arc and feel as if it was overhyped by other people in this fandom: sure, the extra character depth and emotion is nice, but I'm not really going to see him as extraordinary or even particularly good when the extent of him "becoming a better person" happens entirely on a random road trip to fuck-off nowhere. Especially not when the ending of LL tried to sell me a "they lived happily ever after" ending while basically leaving the freaking MUTINY as just Rodimus going "oh it's okay you're forgiven, we're all together again" and I guess everyone was fine with Megatron and wanted to spend an eternity on a ship with him just because Getaway died.
This is why I like (the concept/themes of) exRID/OP and the way Optimus' character arc was handled a lot more. Because for Optimus, the personal and the political were as one. He was held accountable for his actions towards others and the disruptive effects they had on a social level, sometimes to a ridiculous extent (the fucking "oh Megatron is an Autobot so now that makes the Autobots colonizers" plot and that stupid colonist screaming about how Optimus is "literally fascist" my beloathed). Even his very personal issues like his relationship with Zeta were still cast in a wider lens of, yeah this is a personal struggle that Orion faced, but he was still part of a Society TM and his actions were sometimes ill-informed or harmful to others. Even if I had a lot of problems with the way Optimus' story was written by Barber (plot holes, little meaningful character interaction, forced conflicts), at least the BASELINE of it was way better than Megatron's in MTMTE. Especially since Optimus' struggle was explictly about things like struggling with responsibility and how he feels he HAS to intervene in political affairs because has to save people/make up for his past mistakes. That's something that a good leader/good person actually does, so I found Optimus to be a better hero (even if his actions weren't all "good") because he was trying to be a good person by actually getting involved with Cybertron/Earth and subjecting himself to something he hates (leadership, war) and dealing with a shitload of criticism instead of just going on a fuckin "personal journey" lksdlkfsd.
Which just makes me extra salty that people hold up MTMTE Megatron as the pinnacle of Megatrons and literally the best Transformers writing evar! while turning up their nose and ignoring or outright despising IDW Optimus. Like okay. I guess since Megatron got handled with silk gloves on while Optimus got put through the wringer of being shit on by every other person in the story, it's easier for you to pretend that Megatron is a poor uwu boy who just needs friendship and love while Optimus is literally the worst bastard to ever exist. Or maybe it's just that since Optimus' story involves him sometimes fucking up, being criticized, or making things worse, that makes him morally bad. As opposed to Megatron who disrupted a lot of other characters' stories in MTMTE, had to have an entire alternate universe invented so that he could "save lives," and got to sail off on a quantum Lost Light happily ever after, so since he's happy and the story says he saved people that means he's a good hero.
#squiggposting#it started out sort of analytical but ended up bitchy#i also feel like for some reason my understanding of what a redemption arc is is different from others?#when i talk to people about it they keep saying 'well M can't make up for what he did'#and i'm like. no that's not what i mean by redemption arc#to me redemption arc literally just means 'a character goes from bad to good over the course of a story'#whether they're forgiven or if they can 'make up for it' objectively is irrelevant like#redemption arc is literally a common label used for the general trope so idk where this confusion is coming from?#also hot take when i say a character should be redeemed i'm literally not talking about wether they're forgiven or pardoned in universe#i just mean. as a reader. do i read their story arc and see them go from bad to good and progress in meaningful ways#do they do something. anything. to address or apologize or fix what they did#is there some sort of symbolic or literal sacrifice or act of service or any Good Thing even if it's only one single moment#then to me they've been redeemed in a narrative sense. it has nothing to do with whether they can literally compensate for hteir crimes#anyways. the tldr of this is that i don't hate mt/mte at all and i also don't hate idw M. i love them in fact#it's just i feel like i was severely let down by how much this fandom hyped and continues to hype mt/mte meg#(peg/gy the pirate spongebob meme voice) that's it? that's the M redemption arc?#that's just a guy going on a space road trip and being emo#mfs tried to tell me it was one of the best tf stories ever written and i'm like. yeah thanks but no#worse still ppl came out of m/tmte going 'actually M was right about everything'#and i'm like. shit take and you are spreading this nonsense everywhere including shitting on my faves w your bad takes#mfs wanna call M a hero of the ppl who at least cared about the cons when he literally left them for broke on cybertron#i don't think idw M had a good heel-face turn arc bc he didn't really like do anything meaningful in the wider scope of things#what if idw M achieved inner peace by protecting the cons and making sure they had rights post war. how about that#i mean for various reasons the story would've been more complicated than that due to editorial and company mandate bullshit#i just feel as if talking about the story narrative itself IDW M's redemption arc is far from remarkable#except for the fact that JRO dared to do it at all perhaps#(vine voice) that's my OPINION!!!!!
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Going through the Utahim.e tag had me checking several times if at some point I had clicked on the G.ojo/Utahim.e one instead
#It's mainly the ship and mainly ship art. Very pretty btw. There's people with gorgeous styles there#There isn't even a lot of x reader fics haha I guess people don't want to bang Utahime?#Anyway... lowkey wished this happened with Ijichi lol#I so wanted Ijichi to mention or even hint at a mention of Gojo one last time like they did with Nanami#If nothing else for the weight of it all. The weight of feeling your youth dying piece by piece alongside the people who made it out#And everything it implies#Art of Shoko dealing with Gojo's death even in a cold way always strikes hard for that motive but I always love it#with pretty much everyone of those years. There was one piece I saw once that was not explicitly or necessarily romantic about Utahime#being hit by Gojo's death and I don't recall exactly how it was (I think I may have queued it?)#but it moved me more than any piece more clearly emotional that I had seen before#I don't know. I thought it held the potential of that. That weird uncomfortable heartbreaking feeling#of hearing bad news about old friends or classmates and how it makes you realise the weight of time#They suffered and accident. They tried to kill themselves. They are very sick. Their sibling or parent died. And you knew these people#You saw them daily for years. Maybe you weren't close but you knew these people. They cut my bangs when I was eight and I punched them#I tripped over them playing hide and seek and we both lost at the same time. We both hated each other's favourite teacher#They borrowed my pen once and then never gave it back. I once drenched them at the fountain after PE and it was winter but they laughed#Their mother got mad though. Now she's dead. We were made to sit together in French class in middle school. They loved to keep their hair l#Now they're sick and have lost their hair#Their little sibling was so annoying always trying to make us play with them during recess too. It was kinda cute. Now they're dead#I don't know. That kind of stuff#Utahime boosts Gojo and then he dies. Shoko opens him up to make a tool of his body#Ijichi accompanies another kid to clean after him in the meanwhile. And then the realisation hits. He is dead#He was annoying. He was my friend. He was so rude#He had such a sweet tooth. He laughed so loudly. He used to lean over people when talking with them#We were kids once. We are here now. He isn't here anymore. Some of us haven't been here anymore for a long while. It's been so long#He was still young. I am still young. We felt so old. At times it feels as if the time back then didn't happen at all.#And now he's dead and oh it's true he was so annoying but he also had such a sweet tooth. I forgot. What do I do with this memory now?#At times it felt as if the time back then didn't happen at all but then at times it shone through. He brought it back#He asked me a favour knowing I wouldn't betray his secret. He still teased the same way. He still leaned on people. But now he's dead#I don't know if I'm explaining myself well xD I think it's a pretty common emotion when it happens.Oh I forgot to censore words again sorry
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one more day... going to be home by the end of the day tomorrow if all goes well... i am ready to start chewing on cement to be perfectly honest
#its bad fjdksls its been Bad. but by god i am making it through#i do not even have it in me to make any jokes abt it like. i am at the very last strand of the end of my rope#but !!! i will be sleeping in my own bed tomorrow night!!!#and will be free from spending every waking moment around these people!!!!#and then i can draw as much Guz as I want without worrying about ppl seeing and being shitty abt it !!! thank god !!!#they are making me hate my art and not want to draw any more and i think thats the worst part of this whole ordeal tbh#im not even showing them anything... they just look over my shoulder or whatever. like wtf just leave me alone 😭😭#anyhowdy. i just need to keep floating thru these next 24ish hours and then I can collapse and recover#also i haven't been able to find anything good for purchases... I've only spent $20 this whole trip fhfkdl#two pairs of socks and a notebook bc i left my notebook at home...#i was hoping to maybe find some beetle themed jewelry and/or a locket but I've found NOTHING !!! disappointing smh#we went to edmonton mall and everything... I FOUND NONE !!!#dandy.cmd#vent //#abuse cw#just in case fjdkdl
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if you show me even the tiniest scrap of respect and affection, I will get the strangest most confusing feelings for you (I want you to be my friend! my lover! my partner! my owner! my parental figure! my mentor! love me love me love me! please show me i am lovable! i will do anything! love me!) which will eventually lead me down a path of jealousy over you giving others similar attention, then intense self-flaggelation for feeling this way, and will finally result in me isolating myself for your and my own good because I cannot control my own feelings and feel bad and monstrous and inhuman about it <3
#looking back on a couple of friendships over the past 15 years of my life and am starting to see a pattern#actively trying to fight it whenever i get to meet new people. trying so hard to keep a normal distance and not lose my head#and trip over myself overestimating my place in others' lives. because i knowwwww it'll only get me hurt in the end#so safe moderate distance is fine for now#i don't wanna do this awkward mounting infatuation -> realisation -> selfhate -> isolation dance ever again. i hurt many people this way...#i don't even want to be in a romantic relationship!!!! i'm aroace as hell!!! but the NEED to be someone's EVERYTHING whenever i get attache#fucking insane as hell honestly. idek what you'd classify this as. maybe one day i'll tell a therapist about it. when i find one#this post is literally 13-18 years old me's internal monologue put into coherent words
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#and keep in mind that it’s not just a little trip of like a few days or weeks#it’s for over 6 months if not a year#I’m annoyed so this is my coping mechanism#that will certainly get ignored but whatever#this is annoying me too#I think we should already start packing a bit you can’t let this for the last minute#I will be insane the last couple of days I won’t be able to think right#so a little more cooperation from you wouldn’t be bad you know#I’m already in charge of literally everything else can’t you help with one thing for once#how will we even survive together for all this time I wonder
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#my parents just got home from my grandparents so obviously we’re not driving to visit my brother tonight because it’s almost 10pm and he#lives like 6-8 hours away but I asked if we’re going tomorrow or not at all and her answer was ‘we’re not going’#then she was like ‘are you sad?’ and I’m like no#because I’m not sad I’m annoyed#annoyed that I canceled my plans for this weekend trip that they came up with just a couple days ago just for me to have to cancel my#piercing plan (which they don’t know about to be fair) but also canceled on my best friend because I thought I wouldn’t be here and then I#told her no I wouldn’t come over tonight either bc I thought maybe we might leave early in the morning tomorrow#but we’re not doing that either and I could have gone to target like I wanted to also but I didn’t want to leave and go anywhere bc I didn’t#know how long my parents were going to be or what the general plan was until it was too late and dark for me to want to go anywhere#anyway I’m just annoyed like what was even the fucking point? I hurried home from work threw all my stuff together fully packed and got my#pillow and my blanket my chargers and everything#I even unplugged all the electronics in my room bc I don’t leave stuff plugged in when I know I’m gonna be away for a few days#just for us to not go at all#if either of my parents had packed before today then we would’ve already been on the road by the time my aunt called#would we have just turned around then or what?#also ugh it’s like my parents knew I had plans they wouldn’t approve of bc it was almost right after I made the plans for the piercing with#my friend from work that they threw these plans at me and then once I’d told him I couldn’t do today but maybe next weekend they suddenly#wanted to switch our trip to next weekend but decided to keep it this weekend when I was like uh no#and now that my plans are to go next Friday to get pierced like neither of my parents really shared any plans or even packed anything until#today almost like they just didn’t really plan to go which I know sounds dumb and paranoid to say but we didn’t even have a hotel#reservation like we normally would like these plans just seemed very tentative this weekend and it’s just so annoying to me#I wasted my entire afternoon basically thinking maybe we would get to go and thinking maybe tomorrow and ugh#I’m just in a mood I’m sorry#I need to translate this annoyance into writing chp 10 before I fall asleep#also my best friend is updating me on her house sitting alone and she’s freaking out bc she’s not used to sleeping alone in a house by#herself and the power just went out on her and if my parents would’ve made our lack of plans more clear I could’ve at least been there with#her so she wasn’t so freaked out or at least so we’d be freaked out together#but tbh girl just lock yourself in a bedroom that’s what I always do when I have to sleep in my house alone. and put my car keys right#beside my head so if anything crazy did happen I could at least like set my car alarm off to alert the neighbors
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don't get mad at me for things i'm not even doing then! evil little weirdo.
#love you nyah#like unironically who cares#not the point#🫶#genuinely though have you seen any worse way to act about torture situations literally ever#maybe like go over everything again step by step or something should be fun#is there something you want from me about it?#i mean really nice to know you're an evil bigot and i can't trust you or rely on you at all as a friend or anything ever yeah#if you want to talk about it so badly#😮💨#yeah maybe you should try hurting other people you like and see how “evil” and “boring” and “crazy” their reaction will be too#i have tasks ok!#leave my cute anime posts alone and go play videogames with and kiss your fish and live in evil poisoned aquariums yourself too#i don't want to#i don't control stupid weather can you stop saying anything please -_-#imagine what will happen to your beloved fish if she even just gets mentally close to me again if that's how you think anyway#did you run out of fun things to do with your cult and are now bothering me with random evil nonsense just because what?#and besides#i'm a sea moster keep that lame old abusive vampire batshit stuff for yourself if you like it so much#already about exactly how you act with your cult anyway#god i just had a thought you'll be like literally so awful in the future what even#what kind of weird backstory even is that#insane :(#and you're wondering why i wouldn't even trust you people to be normal about me like honestly#math was literally like i was just trying to be nice after accidentally confusing you again#and there was nothing else to post and i had all this clutter to deal with#and you're in some demon mode about this and was about everything else before that#literally already exactly like my mom good luck just letting every worst thing ever happen to everyone and everything around you every >>#>> time and ✨chilling✨ and being above caring and always attempting to beat the shit out of everyone who ever says anything about that#oh and don't forget to call people evil autistic demons without empathy and feelings and guilt trip them every time you do too
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The problem with cash is I literally convince myself that no one can see me spending it and therefore it’s not real money and can’t get me. And then I spend £48 on books
#my grandma gives me cash every time i see her and i always forget to deposit it until i’m carrying over 200 in cash like some child emperor#who is begging to be robbed#the thing is instead of depositing it i make these stupid financial decisions#anyway does anyone want my book haul in text form??? okay so#first i hit up a secondhand book shop and honestly i could’ve spent all day in there and bought everything but i tried to be realistic about#what i was actually going to read sometime soon#so i bought revival by stephen king; the unbearable lightness of being by milan kundera (i just keep hearing good things about this book#and i’m curious and it was only £1.50)#then i bought two taylor jenkins reid books; after i do & maybe in another life#i just like her romances. i don’t care for contemporary romance generally but idk there’s just something about how she writes#i really liked one true loves and how Much was going on in that book. so i decided to get these two as well#then i walked into a new book shop and for whatever reason my inhibitions just left my body#it would’ve been better if i had gone buckwild like this in the secondhand shop but anyway#i bought a fucking special edition of dracula. what’s really crazy is it wasn’t even the cover that sold me#the typesetting is so lovely for some reason. i saw it and i was like okay the next time i read dracula; it needs to be from this book#then i got rouge by mona awad because i loved bunny; it was so delightfully bizarre#and i dithered a bit but i bought orbital by samantha harvey#i am just so curious about how it beat james for the booker prize… i’ve gotta know why#i mean maybe i just have the blinders on when it comes to percival everett in that i think everything he writes should win an award#like maybe it’s just me#the owner gave me a free magazine and wrapped my books really nicely 🥹 i must cry#i feel like the trip was a success. i love independent bookshops. my wallet doesn’t though#personal
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