#even if i keep tripping over everything
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Two green ice cream bars! 7-11 Crunchy Pistachio and Black Thunder Chocomint. I expected the pistachio to taste mostly like white chocolate, but it was actually super pistachioful, with great textural contrast. The ice cream was high quality too.
The Black Thunder was kinda more for kids, like its namesake candy bar that you can always find at the conbini for ¥30 (~20¢). The chocolate was nice, the ice cream less so. But the interesting part was that there were large chunks of candy bar (chocolate-covered plain biscuit chunks) *inside* the ice cream! Personally, I didn't think the flavor of the biscuits fit the minty ice cream, but I liked the surprise!
#ice cream#japanese sweets#pistachio#chocolate mint#you may have noticed the wide variety of carpets and blankets and yoga mats on my floor#the reason for this is because iggy likes to have a variety of textures to dig in and lie on and lick and dig and roll on#it's very important to him#even if i keep tripping over everything#he is the boy! he is president of our apartment
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Big Mama must have lost some serious standing in the yokai underworld because it’s gotten apparent that she keeps being beaten by a small group of teenagers and the occasional rat man, and when it’s not them then she’s taking L’s from her own schemes working against her.
And in the ensuing power vacuum, the Hamatos accidentally become the most feared crime family known to all the big bads of the Hidden City.
After all, they’ve publicly outplayed Big Mama multiple times, a couple of them have taken out the heads of two of the most well known criminal organizations, one took out Heinous Green, two are responsible for the destruction of Witch Town, they have ties to both the infamous Baron Draxum and Captain Piel, they won the Doom Dome death race, they’re Battle Nexus Champions, they’ve displayed insane feats of power and defeated impossibly strong enemies, most of them have been to jail, and they regularly mingle with humans.
You can just imagine the notoriety they’d accumulate from word of mouth alone.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt headcanons#rise of the tmnt#I didn’t even list everything the Hamatos are MENACES#it’s so funny#bonus if none of the Hamatos realize how terrifying their presence in the Hidden City has become#every time Leo goes to bother Hueso the guy just has his head in his hands like Pepino…I JUST got my brother out of crime…and now you???’#Leo’s just like ‘lmao what crime’#meanwhile a trail of destruction follows them wherever they go#just look at the library smh#the small time yokai villains hearing about how scary the fam is and having two different reactions#one being no way are we talking about the same babies tripping over themselves and barely beating anyone#the other is oh god I barely escaped with my LIFE huh#sunita listening to all the worry her parents have about this new ‘Hamato Family’ and laughing inside#she tells April and April keeps it a secret to see how long it takes the others to realize it#when accused of crime Donnie accidentally and largely unprompted starts denying his digital asset thefts and then has to deny he denied it#when he learns of what is thought of them Raph has a crisis the poor boy#Mikey’s happy they’re ‘known for being a family!:)’#he - kinda terrifyingly - kinda likes the thought of that lol#Leo: 🤔 think I could go back to that hair spa then? (no)#in their defense while they are MENACES society is ALSO a menace to THEM
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#currently on the worst road trip of my whole entire life! well. i don't want to jinx it lmao but#today i popped TWO TIRES at once in the middle of the Katy Freeway in Houston TX (the widest highway in the US; 26 lanes btw)#managed to make it over to the shoulder without DYING but then had to sit there for like an hour? and panic called a tow truck because duh#I know how to change a tire but I was – again – sitting on the shoulder of the widest freeway on the continent so#anyway I called a tow; a guy showed up. I assumed it was the tow! turned out it was not. but he helped me put on the spare and then was lik#“follow me to my shop I can do the tires for you” and I was like okay! 👍 but then the ACTUAL tow called me and I realized this was#just a random guy (very nice up to that point but then I got scared about following him to a secondary location?) and so I didn't lmao#I just kept driving and didn't follow him but the guy on the phone was then mad at me because I wasn't where I said I would be because#AGAIN – I thought the original guy WAS the tow company that I called? but anyway guy 2 on the phone was like “YOU OWE ME $200!!!!”#and I said for what? also how would I pay you? and he tried to get me to cash app him lmao?? I didn't. I hung up on him#he called me like 6 more times yelling at me until I finally just blocked his number 💀#however NOW at this point I'm driving on one spare tire and one rapidly-flattening second tire and I still have 3 hours left to get where#I was going for the night and to top it all off I'm in the middle of a city I've only been to one time before? so I manage to get to a hote#like a nice-ish one where I'm like “okay if I get stuck here this won't be the end of the world”#because keep in mind today is a national holiday so basically everything is closed!!!! btw!!!!!#but eventually I'm sitting there and it's literally 100F outside and I remember oh right lol I have car insurance which pays for a tow#(a normal one; not a random one I panic-found on google who calls me screaming at me to cash app him $200)#so anyway I call my insurance and the guy on the phone is very nice and is like “it's okay; we'll have someone to you in 45 min”#and I'm like okay. OKAY. 🙌💪 I am a strong independent woman who is figuring this out and no longer on the side of the highway#but instead in a nice calm neighborhood and all I have to do is wait 45 min and everything will be okay#one hour goes by. I call back. get redirected to the tow company that was dispatched. guy says oh! is my guy not there yet?#I say no. he says okay – I'll have him call you. hangs up.#okay. 20 more min go by. guy finally calls me. says “I'm 20-25 min away” at this point I've been waiting about an hour and a half#I say. okay? okay. 30 more minutes go by. I try to call the guy back. straight to voicemail. three more calls. three more no answers.#I call my insurance back. sit on hold for 15 min. eventually get put through to a different person who's like “okay let me check on him”#get put on hold. eventually she comes back and says “okay he says 15 minutes” I've been waiting over 2 hours at this point. I have to PEE#I just... burst into tears. on the phone with this poor random woman from Geico Insurance. I'm bawling my eyes out.#she was trying to get claim info from me but I'm crying so hard she's like “oh baby no. okay. okay. we can get that from you tomorrow.”#when you cry so hard that even the insurance company is like “you know what we're just going to let this one slide”#anyway guy eventually shows up. he's very nice even though I hate him a little for being so late. he drives me to an OPEN TIRE SHOP
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screaming into the void <3
#my best friends boyfriend (who i’ve also been friends with for years) is just. not himself rn#we think it’s a manic episode but we don’t really know but it’s. terrifying lowkey#he thinks he’s genuinely jesus and that he’s conquered time and that he and my bsf are adam and eve#he’s been sending my bsf liek hundreds of texts per day since tuesday but it got really really bad and incoherent yesterday#and i woke up this morning to see multiple texts from gcs he created w me in them#and he keeps being like ‘because it’s 6:20 this is true’ and like ‘i know that at 9 pm everyone is gonna understand’#and he’ll text like 5 times then send a sc of what he just texted like that proves something but it’s all nonsense#i’m just really really concerned cause he really needs help but i don’t know how to ensure that happens cause he’s 19. not a minor#he’s just. not him rn. he’s called my bsf multiple times yesterday when he HATES calling normally#he had his band and his mom over in his apartment yesterday cause my bsf called his mom and h went to his bands show but was visibly not ok#and he saw nothing weird about it even tho he hates having ppl over normally and never without warning#and you can’t get him to see logic because everything you say he just twists around to work for him#to be clear it was not this bad when it started. when it started it seemed like normally maybe slightly out there conclusions he was drawing#but it just got worse and worse like exponential decay and really bad yesterday#he also didn’t sleep at all yesterday night and idk if he slept tonight#i know his mom took his phone at one point but he texted me and gcs w me in it starting at like 6:20 this morning#and my bsf and i and friends are on a trip out of state rn but we’re leaving today and i don’t wanna wake her up until i have to because#this is literally hell for her. but it’s just. scary. i don’t know what to do. i don’t think there’s any good options really for me rn#i want to warn ppl and try to explain he’s Not Him rn so they don’t get concerned but who knows if they’ll understand what i’m trying to say#i know it’s not the end of the world but it really feels like the end of my world as i know it if that makes sense#and my bsf lives with him in an apartment near their college and they just signed the lease for the next year#but she can’t stay there with him alone. not until he gets help. we’re all too scared it’s going in the directon where he thinks it’s better#for ppl to go to the afterlife. which like he never would normally. but he’s Not Him and so like. who knows#he keeps talking about all these different dimensions and how you need to travel to the 7th dimension to understand#my bsf was crying yesterday and she called her mom to explain and she keeps saying that she just wants her jake back it’s really scary#cause he will probably never be the same again. he’ll be similar but different but she wants his comfort but he’s Not Him. and can’t give it#i just. really want this to get better but it’s so hard to see that happening rn
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anyway in an absolutely wild turn of events I think I’m free of my hideous job and like. substantially richer for it??? lmao 2023 you really owed me
#ok so this a lot of personal shit but I’m just gonna incredulously vent into the tags#like I don’t even know how to describe what 2023 in this job has been like lol#since April they’ve been insulting and scrutinising and scapegoating me over absolutely everything#they were really angling for just firing me outright for never measuring up to their constantly shifting and increasingly bizarre goalposts#and it got so personal man they kept insisting that it wasn’t but my god#then my dad gets sick and it suddenly becomes awkward for them to keep insulting and overworking me#so they switch to just ignoring me entirely so they don’t have to reckon w what me and my family are going through#like they never ask how he is or how things are going just every Friday they say hey do you reckon you can take more work on again?#and THEN I get a gut infection and suddenly im being guilt tripped for taking sick leave and pestered for evidence#it was giving like ‘we had to give you time off for your dad but now you’re taking the piss’#to the point I DID reach out to a third party at the company and was like ‘I’m sorry but why the fuck are they treating me like this’#and she was like ‘confidentially this is disgusting and I advise you to report it’#WHEN SUDDENLY I get back from sick leave and it’s like ‘the business is falling short so we have to make some redundancies….’#and now they’ve had to pay me a SUBSTANTIAL sum to fuck off!!! I think I win???#like I was so close to quitting but thank god I didn’t because now I’m getting a sweet deal to fuck off with no notice lmao#i leave end of the month#at first I was shocked like y’all really doing this now??? but suddenly I’m like. this is the best possible thing that could’ve happened#I spoke to that third party again and she was like ‘I am so happy for you’ like omfg it was a curveball but we’ll take it!!!#I’m fucking outta here and in due course I WILL be writing on glassdoor how fucked they are
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I need Americans that were never Christian™️ to realize that the average conservative cult christian's thoughts are basically that one episode of Spongebob where he gets elected Hall Monitor and gives a speech with "Crime and Punishment. Punishment and Crime"
#christians see themselves as the hall monitors of the earth essentially#and everyone needs to be punished and have their good noodle stars taken else they'll commit arson#they genuinely believe that as soon as you stop policing people they'll delve into their deepest darkest fantasies and start committing sins#that even Jesus Christ himself didn't think of#they come from the idea that they are the only group capable of keeping things steady until Sky Papa can make his way down and fuck shit up#So when you do something bad it's because you fell into the pull of destruction#But when they do it's the equivalent of stepping on your dog's foot because they almost tripped you#I still think it's funny a bunch of christians are creationist tho lmao skill issue#My grandparents are but my dad isn't#he believes evolution essentially occurred over the same time the earth was being created#and the story of adam being made from dust was a metaphor and literal#he was made from dust made from decomposing animals and plants which he used to create us as a more perfect being#so now we continue to evolve because we're connected to the dust and can continue to try to improve#so my dad believes in evolution and went to college for biology and chemistry at the biggest HBCU in the US#That evolution/creationist tangent was completely unrelated but all twitter is for me rn is ppl freaking out about our rights being taken#I avoid twitter most of the time but like to look at my friends' and fav artists' tweets#and recently I think little joel made a video about the evolution video that was trending so yea#n e ways have a nice day y'all <3#I've been wanting to make more hehe hahas but everything in my brain rn is Undergraduate Thesis level shit#so I haven't really been reading or writing things I can talk about on Tumblr.Com ya know?#most of it is sociological textbooks memoirs and similar stuff that Id feel talking about on my casual blog#maybe Ill make a blog. like Blog blog for my essays one day#ex christian#religious trauma
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Something I keep seeing when I speak to others about MTMTE Megatron is basically the idea that he's going on a personal journey to become a better person, that the point isn't for him to be "redeemed" but for him to get a chance to do good and die as a person he can live with again. That MTMTE presents a unique take on this because being away from Cybertron gives Megatron a chance to be a person rather than a political figure and this is how it gives him more depth as a character. Or just generally pointing out in a narrative sense that Megatron being in MTMTE limits his story options so of course his story is going to be more focused on a personal journey than on politics of him dealing with the Decepticons/Earth/etc and that just because JRO made a choice to take that path with Megatron doesn't mean that it's inherently bad.
And I'm just, mmm like I understand all of those points and acknowledge that they all contributed to the MTMTE Megatron we got. I even think that without JRO writing Megatron we wouldn't have had his lore be as fleshed out and 3D as it ended up becoming.
(Post starts out as a sort of meta analysis or at least me giving a reasoned explanation for my interpretation of the story, ends up being petty bitching in the last 1-2 paragraphs)
I just..... I just personally don't agree with the "he's becoming a better person by getting a chance to relax and experience happiness and trust after a life of trauma" as being the best choice for his character? Because the problem is that maybe if he were a random Decepticon foot soldier that would be appropriate, but he was literally the leader of the Decepticons that made them Like That and has political/cultural/societal responsibility for why things are the way they are? To be completely frank, I don't care about him going on a personal journey for self-peace, I think that he should become a better person by helping to un-fuck all the things he actually screwed up???
Like idc about the debate of whether he can be "redeemed" or if he should've been killed/imprisoned/etc at the ending. It just comes down to the fact that for me personally, I feel that since Megatron's wrongdoings were at a social level, him "being a better person" would've been better shown by him engaging with those people who he wronged instead of just going on a frigging personal journey for his legacy and self-peace???
Especially since in other series (exRID, possibly Windblade) we literally got plots like "the neutrals hate Autobots but they hate Decepticons even more" and "the Decepticons have been taken over by Galvatron and are now invading earth 2 electric boogaloo" and "yeah the Decepticons are literally living in slums because people hate them so much and won't give them any work." It just leaves me wondering why in the hell people are like, "oh Megatron got to be happy and have a chance to be a normal person." I don't want him to be normal! I want him to repay his debts to the people he actually wronged! Like if you want to cast Megatron as a hero of the people so badly (which so many of his stans do as if he actually cared about the Cons) then how do you reconcile the fact that Megatron just fucked off and left the Decepticons to suffer on Cybertron? Including some of them attacking during his trial and getting killed and Megatron is basically like "sorry, I'm not coming with you and this isn't going to work." And then Megatron complains about "toxic Decepticon loyalty" as if he didn't literally make them that way? Like I get that MTMTE Megatron is still an asshole but if you've read something besides MTMTE and know what the Decepticons are going through, it just ends up being really grating.
I just don't see Megatron as being a particularly good hero or having a particularly fulfilling story if he's completely isolated from all the bad things he did on Cybertron/the way the Decepticons are suffering until LL#25 where it's like "ah damn I'm going to trial now, well this is what I deserve so it's fine." Why could we not have seen something like Megatron trying to deradicalize the Decepticons or change their public image so they could integrate into normal Cybertron again? They were living in SLUMS and getting gunned down by Starscream's badgeless enforcers!
The best we got was the Functionist Universe but like.... I'm sorry, but JRO inventing a whole alternate universe for Megatron to save doesn't do jack shit to save or fix the people he left behind in this one. It was especially grating to read because JRO literally wrote in someone saying "you saved billions of lives from the Functionists" as if he was trying really hard to show how good Megatron is because he saved people (and also if not for Megatron existing Cybertron would be even worse and half of your faves would be enslaved or dead, also the Functionist Council was going to genocide organics too so technically they're WORSE than Megatron since they hate organics AND want to enslave their own race).
I read Barber's, JRO's, and MScott's series concurrently using the omnibus + a release order list for phase 3, and after all that I'm kind of puzzled why the fandom seems to ardently love MTMTE Megatron and think he's so well written but then also shit on Optimus for things that he did during the same points in the story? Because, and I know this is a blazing hot take, I honestly think that Optimus makes a better hero of his story than Megatron does for his, and Optimus' personal journey combines his personal and political identities into a narrative that's a lot more gruelling and questioning of his goodness than we got for Megatron in MTMTE. Which is fucking saying something considering Megatron committed crimes against sapient species and Optimus is the guy who tried to stop him from doing that and has always been pro-equal rights for all beings. But people pretty much just cherrypick things like Optimus annexing Earth or beating up Prowl and go "he's bad" and I'm like no??? IDW OP isn't a bad person or a bad character??? It's just that unlike MTMTE Megatron he's placed in a narrative that actually suits the nature of his actions and has themes that match. To the point that IMO sometimes Barber's narrative shits on Optimus excessively or paints him mainly in the most unflattering ways.
But like. It's just funny to me because Optimus spent his entire part of the story doing things like trying to stop Earth from being invaded/colonized yet again. Grappling with his identity as Prime and dealing with the fact that people literally worship him vs. the fact that his upbringing made him see the Primacy as nothing more than a facade of authority/leadership. Having people get mad at him for prioritizing politics over friendship/relationships with other people. Even getting shit on for being a cop a decent amount so people can STFU about IDW OP being "copaganda" or "not held responsible for his actions". The problems that Optimus dealt with were personal because they had to do with his self-doubt, culpability for the war as a leader of one of the armies, distance from his soldiers, etc. But all of these are also POLITICAL struggles. Because Optimus gave up on the chance to just be a normal person having personal struggles when he chose to become a LEADER, which also means that he's held to extremely high standards that he regularly fails at in the eyes of others.
That's why, to me, MTMTE Megatron falls flat in comparison and really as a "hero" or heel-face character in general? Because he also made a decision to be a leader, and IMO once you do things like become the commander of an army and start your own galactic empire, you lose the right to prioritize your personal problems and instead are obligated by the power you've chosen to wield to focus on your POLITICAL problems. If Megatron's power, influence, and crimes are of a social-political nature, then his heel-face turn arc and ways of showing that he's a better person/helping to heal what little damage he possibly can should have been shown with actions that help on a social-political LEVEL. That's why I'm not particularly impressed with his character arc and feel as if it was overhyped by other people in this fandom: sure, the extra character depth and emotion is nice, but I'm not really going to see him as extraordinary or even particularly good when the extent of him "becoming a better person" happens entirely on a random road trip to fuck-off nowhere. Especially not when the ending of LL tried to sell me a "they lived happily ever after" ending while basically leaving the freaking MUTINY as just Rodimus going "oh it's okay you're forgiven, we're all together again" and I guess everyone was fine with Megatron and wanted to spend an eternity on a ship with him just because Getaway died.
This is why I like (the concept/themes of) exRID/OP and the way Optimus' character arc was handled a lot more. Because for Optimus, the personal and the political were as one. He was held accountable for his actions towards others and the disruptive effects they had on a social level, sometimes to a ridiculous extent (the fucking "oh Megatron is an Autobot so now that makes the Autobots colonizers" plot and that stupid colonist screaming about how Optimus is "literally fascist" my beloathed). Even his very personal issues like his relationship with Zeta were still cast in a wider lens of, yeah this is a personal struggle that Orion faced, but he was still part of a Society TM and his actions were sometimes ill-informed or harmful to others. Even if I had a lot of problems with the way Optimus' story was written by Barber (plot holes, little meaningful character interaction, forced conflicts), at least the BASELINE of it was way better than Megatron's in MTMTE. Especially since Optimus' struggle was explictly about things like struggling with responsibility and how he feels he HAS to intervene in political affairs because has to save people/make up for his past mistakes. That's something that a good leader/good person actually does, so I found Optimus to be a better hero (even if his actions weren't all "good") because he was trying to be a good person by actually getting involved with Cybertron/Earth and subjecting himself to something he hates (leadership, war) and dealing with a shitload of criticism instead of just going on a fuckin "personal journey" lksdlkfsd.
Which just makes me extra salty that people hold up MTMTE Megatron as the pinnacle of Megatrons and literally the best Transformers writing evar! while turning up their nose and ignoring or outright despising IDW Optimus. Like okay. I guess since Megatron got handled with silk gloves on while Optimus got put through the wringer of being shit on by every other person in the story, it's easier for you to pretend that Megatron is a poor uwu boy who just needs friendship and love while Optimus is literally the worst bastard to ever exist. Or maybe it's just that since Optimus' story involves him sometimes fucking up, being criticized, or making things worse, that makes him morally bad. As opposed to Megatron who disrupted a lot of other characters' stories in MTMTE, had to have an entire alternate universe invented so that he could "save lives," and got to sail off on a quantum Lost Light happily ever after, so since he's happy and the story says he saved people that means he's a good hero.
#squiggposting#it started out sort of analytical but ended up bitchy#i also feel like for some reason my understanding of what a redemption arc is is different from others?#when i talk to people about it they keep saying 'well M can't make up for what he did'#and i'm like. no that's not what i mean by redemption arc#to me redemption arc literally just means 'a character goes from bad to good over the course of a story'#whether they're forgiven or if they can 'make up for it' objectively is irrelevant like#redemption arc is literally a common label used for the general trope so idk where this confusion is coming from?#also hot take when i say a character should be redeemed i'm literally not talking about wether they're forgiven or pardoned in universe#i just mean. as a reader. do i read their story arc and see them go from bad to good and progress in meaningful ways#do they do something. anything. to address or apologize or fix what they did#is there some sort of symbolic or literal sacrifice or act of service or any Good Thing even if it's only one single moment#then to me they've been redeemed in a narrative sense. it has nothing to do with whether they can literally compensate for hteir crimes#anyways. the tldr of this is that i don't hate mt/mte at all and i also don't hate idw M. i love them in fact#it's just i feel like i was severely let down by how much this fandom hyped and continues to hype mt/mte meg#(peg/gy the pirate spongebob meme voice) that's it? that's the M redemption arc?#that's just a guy going on a space road trip and being emo#mfs tried to tell me it was one of the best tf stories ever written and i'm like. yeah thanks but no#worse still ppl came out of m/tmte going 'actually M was right about everything'#and i'm like. shit take and you are spreading this nonsense everywhere including shitting on my faves w your bad takes#mfs wanna call M a hero of the ppl who at least cared about the cons when he literally left them for broke on cybertron#i don't think idw M had a good heel-face turn arc bc he didn't really like do anything meaningful in the wider scope of things#what if idw M achieved inner peace by protecting the cons and making sure they had rights post war. how about that#i mean for various reasons the story would've been more complicated than that due to editorial and company mandate bullshit#i just feel as if talking about the story narrative itself IDW M's redemption arc is far from remarkable#except for the fact that JRO dared to do it at all perhaps#(vine voice) that's my OPINION!!!!!
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Going through the Utahim.e tag had me checking several times if at some point I had clicked on the G.ojo/Utahim.e one instead
#It's mainly the ship and mainly ship art. Very pretty btw. There's people with gorgeous styles there#There isn't even a lot of x reader fics haha I guess people don't want to bang Utahime?#Anyway... lowkey wished this happened with Ijichi lol#I so wanted Ijichi to mention or even hint at a mention of Gojo one last time like they did with Nanami#If nothing else for the weight of it all. The weight of feeling your youth dying piece by piece alongside the people who made it out#And everything it implies#Art of Shoko dealing with Gojo's death even in a cold way always strikes hard for that motive but I always love it#with pretty much everyone of those years. There was one piece I saw once that was not explicitly or necessarily romantic about Utahime#being hit by Gojo's death and I don't recall exactly how it was (I think I may have queued it?)#but it moved me more than any piece more clearly emotional that I had seen before#I don't know. I thought it held the potential of that. That weird uncomfortable heartbreaking feeling#of hearing bad news about old friends or classmates and how it makes you realise the weight of time#They suffered and accident. They tried to kill themselves. They are very sick. Their sibling or parent died. And you knew these people#You saw them daily for years. Maybe you weren't close but you knew these people. They cut my bangs when I was eight and I punched them#I tripped over them playing hide and seek and we both lost at the same time. We both hated each other's favourite teacher#They borrowed my pen once and then never gave it back. I once drenched them at the fountain after PE and it was winter but they laughed#Their mother got mad though. Now she's dead. We were made to sit together in French class in middle school. They loved to keep their hair l#Now they're sick and have lost their hair#Their little sibling was so annoying always trying to make us play with them during recess too. It was kinda cute. Now they're dead#I don't know. That kind of stuff#Utahime boosts Gojo and then he dies. Shoko opens him up to make a tool of his body#Ijichi accompanies another kid to clean after him in the meanwhile. And then the realisation hits. He is dead#He was annoying. He was my friend. He was so rude#He had such a sweet tooth. He laughed so loudly. He used to lean over people when talking with them#We were kids once. We are here now. He isn't here anymore. Some of us haven't been here anymore for a long while. It's been so long#He was still young. I am still young. We felt so old. At times it feels as if the time back then didn't happen at all.#And now he's dead and oh it's true he was so annoying but he also had such a sweet tooth. I forgot. What do I do with this memory now?#At times it felt as if the time back then didn't happen at all but then at times it shone through. He brought it back#He asked me a favour knowing I wouldn't betray his secret. He still teased the same way. He still leaned on people. But now he's dead#I don't know if I'm explaining myself well xD I think it's a pretty common emotion when it happens.Oh I forgot to censore words again sorry
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one more day... going to be home by the end of the day tomorrow if all goes well... i am ready to start chewing on cement to be perfectly honest
#its bad fjdksls its been Bad. but by god i am making it through#i do not even have it in me to make any jokes abt it like. i am at the very last strand of the end of my rope#but !!! i will be sleeping in my own bed tomorrow night!!!#and will be free from spending every waking moment around these people!!!!#and then i can draw as much Guz as I want without worrying about ppl seeing and being shitty abt it !!! thank god !!!#they are making me hate my art and not want to draw any more and i think thats the worst part of this whole ordeal tbh#im not even showing them anything... they just look over my shoulder or whatever. like wtf just leave me alone 😭😭#anyhowdy. i just need to keep floating thru these next 24ish hours and then I can collapse and recover#also i haven't been able to find anything good for purchases... I've only spent $20 this whole trip fhfkdl#two pairs of socks and a notebook bc i left my notebook at home...#i was hoping to maybe find some beetle themed jewelry and/or a locket but I've found NOTHING !!! disappointing smh#we went to edmonton mall and everything... I FOUND NONE !!!#dandy.cmd#vent //#abuse cw#just in case fjdkdl
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if you show me even the tiniest scrap of respect and affection, I will get the strangest most confusing feelings for you (I want you to be my friend! my lover! my partner! my owner! my parental figure! my mentor! love me love me love me! please show me i am lovable! i will do anything! love me!) which will eventually lead me down a path of jealousy over you giving others similar attention, then intense self-flaggelation for feeling this way, and will finally result in me isolating myself for your and my own good because I cannot control my own feelings and feel bad and monstrous and inhuman about it <3
#looking back on a couple of friendships over the past 15 years of my life and am starting to see a pattern#actively trying to fight it whenever i get to meet new people. trying so hard to keep a normal distance and not lose my head#and trip over myself overestimating my place in others' lives. because i knowwwww it'll only get me hurt in the end#so safe moderate distance is fine for now#i don't wanna do this awkward mounting infatuation -> realisation -> selfhate -> isolation dance ever again. i hurt many people this way...#i don't even want to be in a romantic relationship!!!! i'm aroace as hell!!! but the NEED to be someone's EVERYTHING whenever i get attache#fucking insane as hell honestly. idek what you'd classify this as. maybe one day i'll tell a therapist about it. when i find one#this post is literally 13-18 years old me's internal monologue put into coherent words
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#and keep in mind that it’s not just a little trip of like a few days or weeks#it’s for over 6 months if not a year#I’m annoyed so this is my coping mechanism#that will certainly get ignored but whatever#this is annoying me too#I think we should already start packing a bit you can’t let this for the last minute#I will be insane the last couple of days I won’t be able to think right#so a little more cooperation from you wouldn’t be bad you know#I’m already in charge of literally everything else can’t you help with one thing for once#how will we even survive together for all this time I wonder
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#my parents just got home from my grandparents so obviously we’re not driving to visit my brother tonight because it’s almost 10pm and he#lives like 6-8 hours away but I asked if we’re going tomorrow or not at all and her answer was ‘we’re not going’#then she was like ‘are you sad?’ and I’m like no#because I’m not sad I’m annoyed#annoyed that I canceled my plans for this weekend trip that they came up with just a couple days ago just for me to have to cancel my#piercing plan (which they don’t know about to be fair) but also canceled on my best friend because I thought I wouldn’t be here and then I#told her no I wouldn’t come over tonight either bc I thought maybe we might leave early in the morning tomorrow#but we’re not doing that either and I could have gone to target like I wanted to also but I didn’t want to leave and go anywhere bc I didn’t#know how long my parents were going to be or what the general plan was until it was too late and dark for me to want to go anywhere#anyway I’m just annoyed like what was even the fucking point? I hurried home from work threw all my stuff together fully packed and got my#pillow and my blanket my chargers and everything#I even unplugged all the electronics in my room bc I don’t leave stuff plugged in when I know I’m gonna be away for a few days#just for us to not go at all#if either of my parents had packed before today then we would’ve already been on the road by the time my aunt called#would we have just turned around then or what?#also ugh it’s like my parents knew I had plans they wouldn’t approve of bc it was almost right after I made the plans for the piercing with#my friend from work that they threw these plans at me and then once I’d told him I couldn’t do today but maybe next weekend they suddenly#wanted to switch our trip to next weekend but decided to keep it this weekend when I was like uh no#and now that my plans are to go next Friday to get pierced like neither of my parents really shared any plans or even packed anything until#today almost like they just didn’t really plan to go which I know sounds dumb and paranoid to say but we didn’t even have a hotel#reservation like we normally would like these plans just seemed very tentative this weekend and it’s just so annoying to me#I wasted my entire afternoon basically thinking maybe we would get to go and thinking maybe tomorrow and ugh#I’m just in a mood I’m sorry#I need to translate this annoyance into writing chp 10 before I fall asleep#also my best friend is updating me on her house sitting alone and she’s freaking out bc she’s not used to sleeping alone in a house by#herself and the power just went out on her and if my parents would’ve made our lack of plans more clear I could’ve at least been there with#her so she wasn’t so freaked out or at least so we’d be freaked out together#but tbh girl just lock yourself in a bedroom that’s what I always do when I have to sleep in my house alone. and put my car keys right#beside my head so if anything crazy did happen I could at least like set my car alarm off to alert the neighbors
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i’m having such a fuck you moment I NEED TO BE RESTRAINED
#so basically my mum catastrophises everything#and she put the fear of god in me when i told her i would be travelling through Canada alone#she used everything i believe in which is my spirituality/astro/tarot to try and persuade me not to do it because she hates me travelling#solo so basically THAT started the downfall of my mental health and i ended up needing to go back on anxiety meds etc etc etc#ANYWAY i’ve been posting about my trip and she’s suddenly gone and booked Cañada and keeps commenting about HER trip and how i’m making her#excited for it etc etc just such self centred bullshit and hasn’t even acknowledged me or my experiences or anything#no well wishes or anything IM SOOOOO#like everyone else i know has been telling me so many gorgeous things and stuff#and like…… this feels SO dumb to be irritated over#AHHHHHHHHH
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20 Flirty Remarks to Build Romantic Tension Without Being Overbearing
Feeling stuck trying to give your characters a good flirty one-liner that doesn't sound cringe/overdone? Here are 20 ideas/dialogue prompts for you (that I may or may not have stolen from my own books):
“I must warn you: you have a dangerous effect on my heart rate.” / "You have no idea what you're doing to my heart right now."
"If I said I wasn’t thinking about you, I’d be lying. And I’m a terrible liar."
"You know, I could get lost in those eyes, but I'd probably trip over my words trying to find my way back." (could also double as description/inner monologue).
“I can’t tell if you’re really charming or if I’m just easily charmed.”
“You have a knack for making me forget what I was going to say. It’s kind of impressive/infuriating.”
“I think you owe me a drink. When I saw you, I dropped mine.”
“I’ve been trying to find the perfect excuse to hang out, but I keep forgetting everything when I’m around you.”
“I bet you get away with a lot of trouble with that smile.”
“You must be a magician because every time you walk in, everyone else disappears.” (The right character could pull it off I swear)
"I’ve been trying to think of something clever to say, but all my brain can come up with is how much I want to (kiss) you."
"I saw that little glance—you’re not as sneaky as you think."
"How do you manage to make even the most mundane things sound exciting?"
"You do this cute thing with your hands when you’re nervous, you know?"
“One more word, and I might just have to kiss you.”
"Finally, there's that pretty smile of yours. I've been waiting for it all day."
"You keep staring—should I be flattered?" / "Keep looking at me like that and I might start thinking you have a crush on me."
"Do you have any idea how fun it is to watch you try to keep a straight face?"
"I’m pretty sure you could charm the socks off anyone, but I’d like to keep mine on for now."
"If laughter is the best medicine, then I’m pretty sure you’re my favorite doctor."
"Is it bad that I kind of like the way you’re trying to mess with me?"
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idk.
#everything evwryone else wants matters more#what i want or need is automatically secondary#i gave in because everyone was fucking mad about it#you cant just say#its fine ill get over it#and talk about how shes saying shit like#should i even bother planning any more family trips#its not fucking fair#im fucking sorry#its not fair that someone i was really fucking close to dies#and im expected to be normal about lofe#and go on fucking vacation#not even a month later#i would never expect you or anyone to do this#but it’s automatically personal#when i say no#i havent even been able to process that shes gone#because i have to keep it together for fucking everyone else#i just want to be left the fuck ALONE#.txt
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Poor Man's Prophecy
How is a prophet meant to live? When you can see the threads of fate and watch as they fall into folly's knot. You can see the mistakes a year away. You know best how to weave them. When it comes time for your own hands to work, you know they are naturally clumsy-- you know they ache; you know why; you know what would make them whole. You know why you choose to keep weaving. You know why you know why you know. No one can help you because you already know-- what can they say that a prophet has not already weighed? What new stones can they turn when you spend your nights watching the butterfly's wings? Some things do not have easy answers. You know this too. And yet still-- you hurt. You will always hurt. You know.
What is Your Curse?
Something walks behind you. Something twists through your spine. Something that marks you, mars you– something you can never be without. You bear a curse.
Take the quiz here!
#Wasn't sure if you wanted me to keep your response there so I assumed not. @ my friend and to the quiz maker...#There was no 'I want to measure the quiz maker's awareness' option so I chose whatever was closest to true at some point. The most honest.#And...you've impressed me.#The answers I chose weren't even obvious. I'm always disappointed by quiz' that make it easy.#Then I become concerned my superconscious mind will trip over my subconscious and I'll over-think my way in to the wrong answer.#I'm getting better at it. I am I am. I digress. Good show.#Certainly needs work regardless. But doesn't everything?#You learn best by testing.
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