vent acct for someone who is severely mentally ill so this'll be fun
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im so fucking tired im so fucking tired im so fucking tired
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i am really not doing well this week
#i am all over the place emotionally#im worried miles might be having an allergic reaction#im so anxious#idk#i just want to crawl in a hole#and disappear#just for a bit#maybe till the end of may#.txt
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i am so fucking triggered by all of this and like its no ones fault but it is going to have me feeling off for at least a week
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i hate that i’m such a joke
#i know i get mad easy#i know i get passive#and mean#and i know i get suicidal around my period#i don’t like the jokes though#my mental health is not a joke#and it makes me feel incredibly stupid for it to be made into one#~you were really mad lol~#yeah i know#and im about to be again#because wtf#i don’t make fun of your meltdowns#why am i fair game#i feel like i can’t complain though#i don’t have a right to
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why do i always have to have these nightmares on the worst fucking days
#.txt#i just want comfort#and i told myself when i woke up that he would be home early#and that immediately gets scrapped#and i cant even be upset aboht it#because what kind of asshole gets upset#when their partner goes to lunch with a friend#cause the problem isn’t the friend or the lunch#its that plans got fucked up#and im already fragile#and now im having a violent meltdown#wnd my body hurts from hitting myself#and i cant even ask for comfort because they’re not home#and wont be for hours#and by the time they get home ill just be exhausted#ill just shut up and deal with it myself#like always
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i’m so. tired.
#words cant really express the exhaustion in my bones#having that feeling of#i want to go to my mom for comfort#but shes part of the proble#problem#so im just angry and sad#.txt
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yes okay i’m gorgeous. i’m pretty. but am i hot? are you into me? do you look at me or interact with me and want to fuck? you’re not exactly over here trying to rip my clothes off because you want to touch me or see me or be with me.
#it’s fine im fine#.txt#like it’s fine if you’re asexual#i don’t mind obviously and it’s not a deal breaker#but to say you’re not#and then proceed to not show any interest in me#sexually at least#feels really fucking bad!#like what is wrong with me#i have tried changing myself every which way#i have tried initiating more#i have tried giving you space#what is it about me
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i’m feeling particularly hopeless tonight
#.txt#been a really off day#everything feels bad#everything is wrong#but my cat is in good health#so thats good at least#and she’s taking a bath on my lap in bed#she’s worth staying for
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god fucking forbid anything be easy
#.txt#i just wanted to spend some time with them when they got home#but they’re immediately irritated#and now im triggered and irritated
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i dont know why i feel so rejected right now
#.txt#they just started work and im being too sensitive and hormonal#they don’t always need to pay such attention to me#its just been a rough bit
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i want to scream that i am falling apart but everyone has their own shit to deal with and im just the friend that always has some shit wrong with her so whats the point in talking about it
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i havent felt this bad in. a while.
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i am such. a forgettable person. a background person in peoples lives. i barely exist half the time. im just here. alone. and i always will be.
#.txt#not to mention i just#hate how i look#and im not very attractive#so thats not helping in the whole being forgettable thing
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im in such an angry mood
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