#even if i don't feel very cheerful
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it's past midnight here in Italia so I'm wishing you all a happy new year!! in 2022 I started using tumblr wayyyy more and im very grateful for this site and the people that follow me and the people who share the same hyperfixations as me and even those who I never interacted with 💌
my best wishes for your 2023 🎉💖💝❣️💐
#even if i don't feel very cheerful#it's just time passing.....#and time is made up....#BUT HAPPY NEW YEAR#💖💖💖💖💖
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@joelletwo i am going to keep my ears peeled for other opportunities but my brain did just spontaneously generate a Song of Standing Up parody of Start of Something New from high school musical so i am sharing it with you immediately. it goes a little something like this:
this is the song! of standing up! it feels so right! to be standing up! (woah) and now! that i'm standing up! i feel in my heart how much i'm standing up...
#sidenote do i need to rewatch high school musical??? i don't know what it is about this movie#this awkward earnestness that is usually so uncomfortable for me is just cute and dorky when zac efron does it#i am NOT getting back on my Year of watching all of zac efron's movies bullshit but his dumb little mouth movements...#i kind of want to rewatch high school musical#lyrics#my posts#if it helps to imagine that we are singing this as a karaoke duet on new years eve surrounded by cheering teenagers...that is an option!#i might edit out the teenagers in my own mind though. but i feel like having a standing up buddy (even if only the homunculus in my#mind palace that i have named after you) is very helpful in motivating me to go through with the standing up#why does my browser not know the word homunculus. this is a very normal word jessica get with the program
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figured i'd do this again..bit early i guess..
#to cheer me up.. i feel bad atm.. these things don't even make me feel very good tho bc i'm such a narrative/sketch-based artist..#but Proper Beautiful Finished Pieces are what grab attention and look good at the end of the year all neatly lined up lol.....#so looking at a “yearly review” where i can only choose 'the best image of the month' (??) is like...What have i even been doing...#i did a month by month look back on twt for myself instead..but even that doesn't express the quantity of comic-based stuff..#that i do put a lot of time/heart into..but alas i feel bad bringing even them back..RTing/reblogging my own art simply feels bad lol..#AND WHY IS IT ALL B&W...trying to accept that i LIKE doing that and sketching and scribbling..not like i'm trying to like..Get Artist Job..#this year was so profoundly lonely at times bc i spent all my time drawing instead of socialising and trying to find friends....#please please please have achieved more of your dreams in the future so you can look back at 2023 and think..#It was good that happened so that it got me further to the future. Or whatever i guess.....................#regardless i did have a great amount of fun drawing and improving this year and dwelling deeply & heavily on witch hat atelier.#art-wise and emotionally....march july & september were the best months i think..AUGUST WAS SO WEIRD SUMMER IS SO EVIL ALWAYS.#thank you very much if you are reading this for enjoying & leaving nice tags & such like <3 i've realised how fulfilling that is to receive#really keeps me posting stuff here instead of keeping it all to myself in my head#i wish everyone in this world could have a safe and happy end of year. i wish living in this world were easier
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not to get all up in my feelings about art and creativity but today (at work, not even as a fandom thing lmao) one of my friends went out of her way to tell me how much she liked a piece of my writing. and the thing is, i wasn't even that attached to this piece. it's small and written for a work thing and a lil clunky and a lil too personal and i almost didn't share it, but i decided to anyway because whatever
but after she told me that, the first thing i did was go back and re-read it, because i wanted to see what she saw in it. not in a self-deprecating, 'why do you even like this?' way, but just because it meant enough to her to say something about it, and i wanted to read it again through her eyes and wonder which phrases made her stop and think, or how the themes hit home, or what part made her like it enough to tell me about it
and i do that with my fanfic sometimes, too. when someone points out a certain detail or predicts what will happen next or even just says they read this at 2:30 in the morning with their cat on their lap. i read those comments, and i go back and look at this story i made, and i remember that i'm real and they're real and the things i create have changed the world in some tiny, ultimately insignificant way--but it was enough to affect what someone was doing or thinking in that moment
and something i've thought a lot about since covid happened and the vast majority of my social interactions started taking place online (it's a problem, i'm working on it, but it's true nonetheless) is that art really, truly is a love language. and not just when you gift it to people, or when you use it to show appreciation, or however else it can coincide with the traditional love languages. but because it's a way to share a little piece of yourself. and it might be silly and it might be sad and it might be fun and it might be meaningful but no matter what, it comes from you. a lot of the time, it comes from a part of us that we can't really effectively express otherwise. i mean, i can say 'i love x ship' in a thousand different ways but that's never going to compare to pouring my heart into stories or arts or edits exploring all my favorite things about those characters and their dynamic. that's why 'bad' art from writers or artists who don't really know what they're doing is still good--because if it comes from you, if it has meaning to you, it's special
but the thing about love languages is that there has to be a recipient. sometimes my writing is an act of love for myself, and that's good and lovely. but other times, when i share writing with friends or fandom or just strangers on the internet who have a thing or two in common with me, when you become the recipient, it really does transform the work. all these things that are so meaningful to me that i turned them into art are suddenly meaningful to you, too. it's like confessing a secret and having someone say yeah, me too. it's vulnerability and acceptance and kinship and community. it makes me see the things i create in a whole new light. it makes me see myself in a whole new light.
#writing things#you know what i WILL get all up in my feels about art and creativity thank you very much#i think we all should from time to time#i was telling my roommate the other night that writing raise dead helped me grieve#and i think about the love and meaning i poured into that story without telling a soul#and i think about how it was received with so much love in return#and part of it is that art is an outlet and part of it is that nice comments always cheer you up#but part of it is also that i could share some small piece of myself and watch it be handled with such care and appreciation#by people i don't even know#basically what i'm saying is i love people and i love art and i love you
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#persona 4#p4#persona 4 golden#p4g#hanamura yosuke#yosuke hanamura#souyo#this was an interesting scene for a lot of reasons#for context naoto goes out to take a breather and yu follows with yosuke following behind yu.#yosuke cracks a joke to lighten the mood (something i've already talked about a lot is making jokes is yosuke's fall back to raise morale)#there's 3 things happening here - yosuke opts to go outside with yu to cheer yu up instead of staying in to cheer up the rest of the team#so it kind of implicitly suggests that like it or not yosuke kind of still prioritises yu - that yu is the first person yosuke looks to#but it also comes closely at the heels of that moment in the hospital room with namatame and i think this is very much a scene where#yosuke is testing the waters with his r/s with yu like “hey we're good right” by making a joke so that things btwn them feel normal again#and finally it's something that i don't think even yosuke himself realises - HE is the catalyst to yu's realisation on who the culprit is#yosuke's comment that “the fog's so thick the snow gets lost in it” is reminiscent of the english saying “to hide a tree use a forest”#at least for me anyway - snow and fog are both forms of water that come about during low temperatures#but it's right after this comment that yu made the connection that the culprit was someone else that could hide in the crowd#by blending in in a different manner to namatame#namatame was not noticed because he was a delivery driver and that was a mundane everyday figure#but adachi blended in by being one of many police officers that were present in inaba - in other words the tree in the forest#without realising it yosuke has come in clutch to support yu again - i'm fascinated that it wasn't naoto that deduces it#despite being THE detective and being in this scene#it's the combined work of yosuke and yu#and that they really are better with each other#he's good with his queue
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The work achievement I am most proud of is "F.U.N.", and you all can have it too!
"We're having F.U.N. This is F.U.N. Everything is F.U.N."
Sounds innocent and innocuous.
Drives the CEO insane.
Because everyone in the building knows F.U.N. means "Fucking Unbelievably Nuts".
#the ceo has been trying to figure out where that started since he was hired#and the last ceo also made it his mission to figure out who started it#demanding people tell them where they heard it from#but my image at work is so squeaky clean and pure that no one believes I do anything wrong and thus no one asks me#it's a curse i've carried my whole life#i have an honest face and even though i don't like lying- because i believe STRONGLY in karma#if i feel the need to- like lying to hide the union stuff and protect other employees- i don't even blink#covering my ass for the F.U.N. thing is just because I love the F.U.N. thing and it was born of a day of immense suffering#plus to outsiders we just sound kind of terrifyingly upbeat when everything is going to shit#so i say it's a very win-win pressure valve that keeps our IMAGE as a cheerful and professional crew to outsiders#while also letting us vent
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I wish some people never had access to internet at all...
TW assault, TW r*pe
#this is one of the main reasons why I don't get into the fandom that much and just stay in my own personal bubble#I already have a bad relationship with gilturia and I just can't see those two together without having a bad taste in my mouth#despite the fact there's a lot good art with those two#and I know that not all gilturia shippers are like that#and I understand that most of them ship those two because they just look aesthetically pleasing and look good together but still...#I can't just look calmly at those two especially knowing their background and how Gilgamesh actually treats her#and honestly because of such moments sometimes I feel disgust towards Gil (obviously) but I also feel disgust towards myself#for liking such terrible character#and honestly I fear that someday because of such moments I would stop liking him or even start to hate him#but I don't want that because despite his negative traits he still is well written and very deep character that has a lot of layers to him#plus he helped me to get thought a lot of hardships especially after these past two years throughout which I got attached to him even more#and his quote that he said to Hakuno ''No matter what adversity you face there's no other way for you but forward''#cheered me up a lot of times#sorry for the rant#I just had this things building up in my chest and these tweets just made me kinda snap#my ramblings#personal
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#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#YOUR NEED GREW TEETH: character study.#character introspection.#ahh... something about this is so accurate NGL like sadly barton will always have this-#immense anger in him i feel like no matter what he does to try to contain it / surpress it and this is-#because it has literally become a part of who he is as a person. ans by that i mean he ALWAYS has a sense-#of rage stirring within him that is just waiting to be unleashed and that is both kind of disheartening as well as scary#including for him. but barton is also used to it so it's like... he's grown a bit desensitized to it at the same time#even though that's arguably pretty sad to think about. barton is just not good at processing his emotions in healthy-#ways so his sadness is commonly turned into anger and the rare occasions where he does feel guilt / shame?#they also come off as anger because it is a much easier emotion for barton to process than sadness#so yeahhh. man's has definitely got some issues that he needs to work out regarding how you don't need to be-#afraid of getting sad especially if you have a good support system to help you through it... but he just JSJSJ refuses to-#show those kinds of feelings around people for a prolonged amount of time bc he doesn't trust that people won't use it-#to try to 'take advantage of him' so to speak since barton himself has cheered people up for that sole purpose before. thus it's all like-#one big vicious cycle y'know bc he fears the very thing that he practices.
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I actually like the last chapter. I think the ideas are very good. I have my qualms on how some things were managed, as I always do, but I think shonen authors get tangled in the expectations of a shonen to the point it jeopardises their writing, often even when they're not lacking in skills
#I think the nothingness‚ the absence‚ the moving on despite everything‚... is a good if heartbreaking idea#and we do see snippets of it throughout the entire manga‚ yet I think it is mostly lacking in execution#I like the quiet ways in which we see the characters mourn. How Megumi laughs at the letter‚#how Shoko muses about how Satoru should have let her take care of Geto's body‚ the faint smile when Megumi agrees‚#how Shoko quits smoking again‚ Yuuji giving this person hope and a second chance‚ making a reference to him not being executed‚#and giving Sukuna too a chance for him to take one day a different path#All those are very good ideas and all those are very moving quiet ways of grieving. But. It feels in general so lacking#There's so much of everything else in contrast‚ even things that have way less importance narratively than this most of the time‚#that it feels lacking. Especially with how one has to dig to find these things. There's so much that could have been done with the same idea#And done so much better. But the idea is good. The absences are good. The quiet presences are good.The nothingness is good if bitter and sad#But it could have been written better#I also think this ending with Yuuji apparently knowing about Sukuna‚ his lies‚ his little hint of softness‚ the potential second path‚...#makes even more believable why he'd try at all to offer him a second chance. And I love that Yuuji knows him and I love that he still...#leaves the door open for that second chance to occur at some point. Trusting that Sukuna would walk that other path next time#And I love that without openly acknowledging Gojo he demonstrates that he hasn't forgotten him in his acting#How he gives that guy a second chance‚ how he jokes about him not getting executed‚ how he wants to make sure people‚ 'problem children'‚#don't get left behind. He doesn't mimick Gojo in his power but in this flippant but caring aspect and thus he's not forgotten#I do like this. It's heartbreaking. Gojo's desire to be forgotten is bittersweet as it's in a way a desire for... normalcy and humanity#To be surpassed. It goes well with how Gege says Gojo can do anything and thus why he does nothing‚ not even hobbies‚#to leave something for the future generations and not being another wall in their achievements#Gojo's desire to be forgotten is in line with the constancy of his writing when it comes to being drunk on his status#and yet resentful of his loneliness. It's a mix of being left behind and not being left behind#For being left behind and forgotten would mean he is more like the rest. Just another step forwards#And he'd have done what he wanted to achieve. Sorcerers can't stop a long while to grieve but Yuuji takes his words and actions#into consideration and steps forwards. Does the same. Fulfills Gojo's expectations. Walks towards the future. And that's the legacy Gojo#wanted and not going down in history as a legend or the strongest. He was just a teacher. Like Yaga was. He was not even the principal#Just a teacher. His role‚ the role he chose for himself‚ has been fulfilled. Now all this could have done way better#Something of Yuta and Megumi given their dynamics with Gojo would have been good. But I guess Gojo's 'at least one' works well#with Yuuji being the one doing the work. Yuuji was also ontologically alienated since birth and still he too remained cheerful and flippant#despite being so lonely so I guess the final parallel is intentional. But it could have been managed better still. The idea is good though
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Power move as an omega is to scent a relative stranger's (a.k.a. "parent's friend's") apartment knowing that their alpha son is going to go there after I leave to take care of the cats.
#not in a weird flirty sense or anything#if anything to me it's like... a way of saying 'hello! i was here' bc I haven't actually met him since I was a literal toddler#so it would be awkward to like. leave a note or whatever. idk how to address him or anything#but leaving a friendly scent mark in areas the cats don't really hang out in is just a fun little way to sort of#say 'I was here and had fun hanging out with the cats'#hopefully they both will interpret it as I intended- something that hopefully cheers them up bc the scent is nice and reminds them of me#in a good way. because that familys mom whose cats I was looking after is always so nice and sweet to me and her smile is very infectious#so I hope that I can reflect that positivity a little with a faint scent that lingers after I leave here and there but isn't intrusive#(I obviously didn't even enter the son's old bedroom at any point other than when I had to get more cat litter from a storage thingy)#(it would have felt weird to me. I don't like intruding into other people's private spaces at all regardless of dynamic)#it took me ages just to feel comfortable staying there every now and then#idk atp im just rambling lmao#gamietxt
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i don't think i can be normal about Sunday guys
#hsr#hsr spoilers#i haven't even FINISHED it yet but his ideology is so warped. i cheered when i thought Gallagher had killed him for real#im not upset he's alive though i do think it's a bit of a cop-out . but. ouhghhhh something is so wrong with his mind (/positive.)#it's successfully looped back around to loving his character though. when there's a fucked up guy in a story i either#1) get very hostile towards them because i feel like they aren't being portrayed enough like the villain i see them as#or 2) become Obsessed with them forever because they are just so fucking . Wrong. like .#ayato genshin impact falls into both of these categories simultaneously like a fucking electron.#but sunday. he has wholeheartedly landed himself in the second category. i need to dissect him and maybe like. idk. give him a cake (?)??#Come Experience The Joys. Idiot. and also maybe listen to your sister.#honestly i REALLY like robin i think she's super super great and has good ideas#i really really love the like. the.#the contrast between his like. his horrible pessimistic nihilistic ideology. and robins optimistic harmonious one.#like robin seems to kind of... not be able to understand that sometimes nihilism is the only way to survive and that it's a balance#survival is good but hard to break out of... you need to survive enough to be ABLE to live. she seems to idealize living in opposition to it#whereas sunday is like. there are people who can ONLY survive. sometimes living isn't an option because the world is cruel and we don't all#get that choice. sometimes surviving is all you can do. why not embrace that? why not build a place where people can postpone death?#if fulfillment isn't possible... then why not accept placation even if it is a poison to the soul? surely joyful prison is better than death#if all that awaits in the world is suffering then why not let the bird live the rest of its days in its cage... even if it is unfulfilling?#HE'S SO . RHGHHGHGHFHGHHVGJF#he feels like he's on the brink of a misanthropic suicidal breakdown to me. someone fucking help him (but not really)#(i don't think anyone should be subjected to his brain. but i would like to see him get better. actually i think robin is trying for sure)#anyway. very curious how this quest is going to end. i want to rip him limb from limb and then stitch him back together again after#my posts
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same soup... different day
#hello it is sarah in the tags again#i feel like i tell myself i'll actually use this as a blog and then i forget and then i remember and then i forget again#venting ahead if that is not ur jam (talking to the 2 followers who actually see my posts)#i like tumblr because it;s so removed from my personal life that it feels really like a place i dont have to be anything for anyone#anyway i've been wondering if i should go back to therapy again but i feel like they might get tired of me because i keep bailing and comin#back like an addict lol like i swear i'll commit this time! sike. ghost be upon ye#anyway this time i'd come in for the big D#i don't like the floor it just feels closer to being six feet under and a bit like where i belong#i feel like a great number of things have happened in the past year and i've met all of it with a very lukewarm sense of dread and anxiety#its not even about feeling happy i dont even think i can feel shaken by anything. i feel like people see my apathy and think it's confidenc#anyway im not going back. they always say the same thing. can't do shit about shit life syndrome. and i don't want pills i'm so sick of the#isn't it something that i'm especially depressed the day before i start my new job? it's a tradition at this point. cheers#isn't it cruel that everyone in my life seem to put me on some kind of bizarre pedestal and no one questions my decisions or authority and#i battle with myself to figure out if i'm doing the right thing (no one will tell me the truth they are all scared of me getting angry)#was talking with a friend about how it'll be if i join their group project in a module we're taking soon.#and she's like well isn't it obvious? everyone will just listen to whatever you say and we'll end up doing well.#no one would challenge you because you're always right. and it's like.. yeah. i guess. okay. (hate that i know she's not wrong)#lol can u tell this is why house is kind of getting to me. learning lots of things about myself watching that man commit medical malpractic#anyway. i didn't ghost my therapist this time i remember now. she left the clinic lol she asked me to connect on linkedin. that was amusing#i always feel like the therapists here never know what to do with me and i kind of have to hold their hand a bit through my psyche#also they seem to be a bit at awe of me which is a bit annoying. and i know that definitely sounds like Issues but it's just like#ugh not you too. please stop i'm sick of it i'm sick with it. i don't want you to be inspired by my awful life and how i handled it#and i have nothing to say for it but... *gestures vaguely* of all of this
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Various images of things
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1. PIBBINS.... cheering clapping hooting hollering glorious applause everytime I see a pigeon in public#2. Birthday card that I drew for someone. .. kittys...#3. 2023's annual haul of tiny white pumpkins.. i get at least one white pumpkin every year around fall when they have pumpkins in stores#because I just love the color and texture ... bright white and smooth and cold and round.. kind of like a volleyball or something#4. A brief adventure into watching big brother (only earlier seasons of course as I hate all reality shows post like 2013 or something when#they became overly focused on social media and overproduced memeable phrases more.. like even though ALL reality shows have always#been extremely fake and annoying and mindless it's like..... newer stuff seems A Different Kind Of Fake or something) since whenever#I'm sick sometimes I find weird mindless things like that to watch (that one time I had bronchitis I watched all of Flavor of Love in my#half awake illness stupor and now everytime I heat up canned minestrone soup (mostly all I ate that week) I think of flavor flav since#thats just a weird brain connection I have now lol) ANYWAY.. I was sick and watched like 2 seasons of this and then thought it was too#uninteresting and obnoxious to continue (more like 1 and a half since I skipped the rest of one once only boring people were left) BUT this#one guy had a very mischevious looking face and he also said a few things (like the above captioned speech) that sounded like dialogue#some fantasy character would say.. so I took a screencap of him and edited him into a mischevious wizard i guess.?? idk I was sick lol#~your little friend has a poisoned tongue~ is just a very unexpectedly serious sounding wording for some random normal#frat dude looking guy to say while casually chatting on a reality tv show in like 2008 or whenever that was filmed lol#5. FLUFFY CLOVERS!! I'd never seen them be furry and soft before?? inchresting..#6. Noodle sitting in bed with the cat figurines looming above him... the council of kittys...#7. McDonald's full breakfast platter + asparagus + strawberries & cream (also of course this is old and I am now boycotting mcdonalds etc)#i try to group the images somewhat consistently like.. winter stuff with winter stuff or summer stuff with summer stuff#but I have so many random pictrues floating around on my computer that I never post that sometimes some are not organized or just#thrown into a set because there's nowhere else for them. Like the pigeon picture is from like 3 years ago for example lol#8 & 9 - I think I've posted these before but I just find them very interesting looking flowers. whenever they happen to be blooming#I'll pick up a few when I'm out on walks or etc. ... poof ball looking things#photo diary
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another day of feeling like i don't belong anywhere ✌
#cheers!#i love my friends and i love knowing that i will have to see one of their friends whom i massively dislike in a month and a half!#i can't control my friends' friendships of course but my god why do some of them have to be friends with especially these two people??? fuc#i don't usually dislike people that easily and it takes me a lot of time to form some sort of judgement but i've known one of these fuckers#for about 10 years already and there's a long list of fucked up stuff that he did and it's enough to not want to see him anymore. ever#i would've treated myself to some new clothes to drown this feeling but i feel so out of place that i won't buy shit until i lose weight#which also means no going out to eat with my s/o and crying all afternoon. amazing!!!!#i love these days where how i value myself is very tied to my body!!! why bother about my personality (awful) and my skills (also awful)+#where there is something even worse to focus on! very fun!!!#anyway there's no way to avoid that meeting with my friends and their friends. bye
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💕 (JJ-Bal // I’m sorry I’m too entertained 🥺😂)
@lunarxdaydream, mentions @thewolfisawake | Love Calculator | Accepting!
98%
Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between Jawyr Ravi and Balmoral Sitheach has a very good chance of being successful, but this doesn't mean that you don't have to work on the relationship. Remember that every relationship needs spending time together, talking with each other etc.
"Huh? Hold on, I don't think that's right..." JJ laughs sheepishly, his hand lifting to rub at the back of his neck. Normally he'd laugh and make a joke about this sort of thing, but this probably wasn't the best person (or pair, rather--) to do that with. "Can I give my score to Mhoirbheinn? It was probably just confused-- everyone else mixes us up, after all!"
#lunarxdaydream#thewolfisawake#arcxnumvitae#[JJ -extras-]#JJ will admit that Bal is very attractive#but he feels like that's kind of a 'well duh' sort of thing#And even with that he knows about Bal and Mhoirbheinn and wouldn't do anything to get in the way of that#(I don't think he knows they'll sleep with other people yet. Though tbh I don't think that would make a difference even if he did)#even if he did ever end up with an interest in Bal in those kinds of ways#funnily enough he's probably cheering Bal and Mhoirbheinn's relationship on that he wouldn't even think to look at Bal in that light#unless something blatantly happened to force him to do so#this felt like a kind of random rambling thing but this made me think#'/would/ JJ ever look at Bal like that even if they did end up getting closer? romantically or sexually?'#and my brain was like 'Huh! That's a good question!' so forgive the word vomit asdlkfna
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I've told you this before but you are an inspiration to me to keep going when I'm lost in the darkness. You're apologetically you and I admire that a lot. You're passionate about your projects and I will always be your biggest cheerleader to see you through to the end of Captain's story.
ANONYMOUSLY TELL ME YOUR HONEST OPINION ABOUT ME. I CAN’T REPLY, JUST PUBLISH.
#asks answered#I recall very thoroughly our conversation#It's because of that I have more reason to rise like a phoenix from my ashes#It's why I can lose sleep and feel like I haven't#My passion has transcended to a whole new level#People are fearful of the next age of AI. They believe they'll usurper us humans.#But no matter what a factory produces.#What is engineered the level of emotions that is conveyed in the human spirit is BOUNDLESS.#I believe I'm starting to see why we were created in images of our gods#We're able to reach infinity.#To create worlds through stories and offer unity in trying times. We're powerful.#I don't think any AI can ever defeat me. In the way I feel anymore#Their speed and reaction time the ability to function may overwhelm me#But I will create a universe in which they cannot ever be programmed to overtake.#From my soul and spirit alone I will carve my story#Emotions and stories all through the lens I've written and to yet write.#And even if I'm still here writing these stories with no audience. Or you do move on! I will have these cheers saved and use them#To prevail over all my dark days that may come#Or wanting to stop I'll find a way to write these stories until I'm beaten and can't get up anymore#You deserve a hug <3#Thank you for yourself!
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