#even if HS is killing me
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This was an excuse to draw what the fuck I wanted lol. But look at what a skilled motherfucker like me can do on math class with some little supplies under 30min or less
#I'm not ready for tomorrow. Send help#but at the same time YIPEEEEE#idk man#ena#joel g#dream bbq#ena joel g#temptation stairway#ena dream bbq#auction day#extinction party#joel guerra#human ena#humanesque ena#Bruh#I have an art trade almost completed and a Scena art thing going on so I guess be hyped#even if HS is killing me
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I'm sorry to new fans but they'll never have what we oldies have: Ugly ass official character art and Rick Riordan threatening to kill characters while answering readers tweets
#percy jackson#based on an actual interaction i had with rick back on 2013 when I was 16 on his q&a#Me: can we get more percy books even if he has to be in mortal danger? Rick: sure i'm killing him next sequel because of you#i still have that screenshot somewhere probably imagine getting that notiffication in the middle of a hs class#funniest thing that has happened to me#also considering that he was already writting heroes of olympus and putting percy through the horrors that was very funny of him
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been playing emerald for the first time on and off as of late and RSE Brendan is so different from ORAS Brendan it’s funny like you’re NOT my son who is this bratty kid 😭
#I hate to say it but I wouldn’t have cared for hoennshipping if RSE was my intro to it instead of ORAS 🫢#and that’s saying a lot cause hoennshipping is… literally the reason I draw.#I was so obsessed with dorky neighbor Brendan that I see RSE Brendan with his stupid lowkey 2000’s misogyny and I’m like….. bruh#the fact he says this shit while being dressed with that horrid outfit…..#Ugh I know hyo would kill me for saying all this crap he’s been wanting me to play emerald for ages and I just think it’s ok 🧍🏽♀️#I see emerald and all I can think is “wow Oras was such a good remake actually wtf” and I’m angry it took until BDSP for ppl to admit that#like if it took you until BDSP to realize ORAS isn’t a shitty remake then you don’t deserve ORAS in fact ur a faker Hoenn fan than I am!! /#Anyways I told Lexie and Maple this and Lexie was like “there’s a reason Brendan didn’t rank high until ORAS”#And Maple said “I didn’t even ship them until I met you and you were so passionate about it lmfao”#ORAS fixed Brendan tho maybe I’m exaggerating saying I wouldn’t like yuuharu if I played RSE first when I had a crush on CALEM in HS#CALEM YOUR FRIENDZONE SCENE GAVE ME SO MUCH PTSD I MADE MY SERENA A LESBIAN (nah I made her a lesbian for other reasons)#Ally shut up#Ally speaks words
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sorry for burdening you with this but I need someone with a very specific set of internet experiences to verify this hypothesis- the 'enemy to caretaker' jason-tim dynamic that dominates the batfandom, where jason is possessed by a personality-obliterating magic rage but tim is just so snuffly and sad that he can't help but undergo woobomorphosis and comfort him- they're homestuck trolls. it's, like, moirallegiance hurt/comfort. with a record-breakingly minimal amount of word changes ('lazarus pit' -> 'highblood rage,' the magic mood ring eyes go from green to red, add a few instances of 'pity') you could have in-universe troll fanfiction. kill me now.
anon i already have a fever please have mercy don't do this to me
#answers#Anonymous#fever dream but its real a nd its in my inbox ????#i dont even remember enough abt hs past like. yeah youre right about the pity thing. the idea of titans tower shooshpap scene is killing me#i . want to go back to bed now .
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sorry the funniest thing about hockey is that they really make these guys play in. des moines. st paul. loser ass sports cities.
#i can say this bc i have at various points in my life driven to both of these places once a week.#i mean i like st paul and i have gone to st paul sts games etc and tbh i like dsm too but it's soooo funny to me#dude living their professional sporting dream. lives in st paul. dude gets drafted to an nhl team. moves to DES MOINES#or rockford#god i don't even like Rockford but they have a banger off-season robotics comp#i can't even bear to go look at the full list of where these teams are.#mke is cool tho even tho i literally didn't know mke had a hockey team until like. last month#do u guys hate me i have strong opinions on Midwest geography. i can't believe im going to Boston for 6mo#im going to be eaten alive and then maybe move out west for one more winter OR im moving to the tc and getting a real job#hock.txt#'to the tc' I need to be an hour away or im killing myself#i worry these posts Will let u find out where I'm from but then i remember i post about it occasionally lol. if u know u know.#ALL THIS cuz i saw a pic of big dew and i was like wow he could have been one of the average-cute boys at my hs#So instead of making a mean post. I made this one.
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society if hoo had them at uni age and the lost trio went to chb and chiron is like "how tf are ANY of u alive and unclaimed". wilderness was just community college.
#on a serious note this changes a lot actually. annabeth and percy would not be in chb anymore so when percy goes missing#its like. a genuine possibility and fear because demigods don't make it that old. there is also some added time between tlo and tlh as well#further adding to jasons isolation as being even WEIRDER than everyone else. he also would've been praetor for longer so maybe the romans#wouldve cared more. this also does away with the plot hole of ppl not giving a shit that jason piper and leo (and dylan) straight up#dipped. introducing piper especially to a summer camp makes chb less appealing because they're too old for that and thus makes their#departure from chb make more sense in toa. yet also it opens up the possibility of new rome uni.... which i cannot see any reason as to why#leo would not go there!!!!! outside of being banned cuz he bombed new rome lol. but pipers sexuality arc works for college too!!! ur never#too old to find urself. but also this is the question of if you are able to relatively function in society (this is more for piper leo fran#and i guess percy) then why would you even fight this prophecy??? anyway lol them being college aged is perfect cuz percy is literally#going to a new place and having a new transition with new ppl... like u do in college LOL. now the question is would hazel still be 13. nic#is a lot older at this point and perhaps has the same age gap as bianca and him did 🤔 cant remember. but also don't know why hazel was 13#in the first place lol. idk. in my college hoo she is just a senior in hs about to graduate from spqr and thinking about staying there or#possibly going to newru after seeing frank make the decision the previous year! SAD!#anyway in hoo. percy and annabeth are sophomores. frank and the lost trio are freshman.#but then in toa. percy annie frank and the lost trio are all graduating cuz percy got held back and Annabeth failed after tartarus fr.#but then also know that piper never went to newru and is adamant about going to mortal uni. and leo kills in newru but is bored. nvm i#forgot he died 🧍♂️ ummmmmm ok. ignore leo. and jason actually. so um. ok that really threw me off but are u getting it. that's when apollo#is like 'heeyyyyy i need help pwease 🥺' and they're all like 'dude.'#OK!#but also i ackowedge that this is a children's book and i am not its demographic so god be with you.
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Hi
#✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️not really been posting much art recently tbh ive kinda been veering away from doing fanart the last few months#I saw spiderverse i thought it was really good though i found the pacing was kindof weird. Gwen was literally the deutragonist of that movi#And i see like no fan content of her.. at least in comparison to other characters...😭 brraks my heart#I have prom tomorrow☝️ killing myself#I started listening to that percy jackson podcast. Pretty ok even though they mention h*rry potter like twice per episode... School just go#out for me so ive mostly been spending my time listening to that and playing papas freezeria... Really awesome#Next year is my last year of hs tbh idk what im doing post secondary i think i might go live with my aunt in bc for a tear...ik i dont wann#stay where i live rn#Was abt to dox myself LOL even though id probably be one of three total tumblr users from where i live😭#Life is pretty good atm... Not much to complain abt honestly#Summer is going to cause a major metaphorical stock market crash in my intake of ice coffee drinks which is a little heartbreaking#Honestly this past year has been one of my best..ive made alot of good friends and ive started painting and bouldering... Idk#Lowkey thinking about deleting or retiring this account. I think it does more harm than good to me sometimes
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^_^
#i hate dwelling on middleschool/highschool bcs at this point in my life thats lame and gay (jokes) but i literally did not enjoy a single#moment of either of those. and thats nobodys fault but mine but its also hard to be made at a 13 year old.#anyway its ruining my life i have to get out of this town i dont know how to be nice or friendly to anyone i knew when i was 16 because#just being reminded of hs makes me freak the fuck out. and it objectively wasn't even that bad is the thing.#whatever. i must not kill myself. killing myself is the myself killer#Im literally The Problem!!!!! grrr
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Fuck the cringe. Begone thot
I'm literally tomura (source mha) and bodily a crow (gryphon) in outerworld.
I'm not that similar to my source, and I don't identify with the name Shigaraki so I'm just Tomura lol. But I'm still Tomura, which is very cringe and 'lmfao you think you're a fictional character' and yes you're right. It's true. And I ask you, so? What's your point?
Life is too short to be your own bigot to your literal identity that you can't even control. I mean, being your own bigot to any part of your identity, even if its controllable, is dumb. Its extra dumb to try to change if it wasnt even voluntary because you can't. -t
#terrorpunk#terrorpunk is a big inspiration to us (midwinter)#we never could even imagine we'd just be content and happy to exist as who we are#it's a huge contribution to us accepting we were plural and all of us#especially Lillian (he hates my guts but fair bro) who is scary. Yes#I won't lie in our experience#plurality is terrifying#mostly to us. But we assume it would sound insane to a singlet if we told them there was a little guy who punishes#Me and Mikhail and s/hs the body because I wouldn't acknowledge him#And punishes me so bad I want to kill myself and think it's my idea.#But yeah Lilian is still a person who hurt a lot and he thinks what he does is just. And he should be treated#Like a person#Not a mistake or a stain on the earth for existing. Which is how he felt in his homeworld for centuries.#It must have been horrible for him to be treated like that by the past fronter who#Didn't even want to talk to him#Just wanted to kill him and deny he existed at all#Anyway#Yeah#I'm a literal anime character#Outerworld experiences and outerworld trauma is taken away#we're a norse god lol#Written by midwinter#Thanks terrorpunk
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im going to negate reading hs yuri now on it cant fucking be. why did yuri people decided that yuri has to be boring.
#txt#that post abt that manga note that you should communicate clearly abt whatever hs manga pisses me off.#WHOOOO was it that decided that yuri has to be all the literal plainest mildest of feelings it cant fucking be i have to kill#the this is also yuri whatever picnic guy i have to kill him as a baby.#its not even that theyre on hs itself is that theyre BORING.
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maybe now that i have adhd meds i can attempt Language again
#i mean ok i had them before but different ones & they didnt work. but i think what im on now is what i was on in hs & those Did work#(& then i stopped bc i was like well i am not in school anymore i dont need these. & then. i moved out. and oops i do need them actually)#(unfortunately due to the adhd & also my medical records having gone fucking missing somehow(???) it um. took a while)#but ough i must learn words......... i just need to Actually set aside time for it . and like keep a fucking notebook im not making the#mistake i made with french where i start out like oh this is easy :) & then it gets harder but i havent been taking any notes & now idk How#& so i just give up. we are not doing that this time we are taking notes From The Start and figuring out what works .#but...... probably not this month. this month is Busy. maybe august..........#thats actually a little bit of a lie bc i Have already started theres a podcast w some basics that i have on my work mp3 player#buuuut its been a minute & also Because i only listen to it at work im not really able to pick up on everything. so im basically still#kind of starting from scratch lmao.#honestly my biggest complaint w the podcast is that like. while it does have a sheet w the translations it doesnt have Pronunciation & bc i#have auditory processing issues i cant actually figure out How they are saying certain words just by hearing them.... bc i dont know that im#actually hearing them Correctly. fucking cannot identify sounds disorder killing me over here#doesnt help that its a language where pronunciation is Quite Different than english lmao......#i did find a pronunciation cheat sheet online somewhere & i . bookmarked it? downloaded it? sent myself a link on discord? fuck idr#but i also dont know if theres significant differences in dialect between the two. idk what dialect the cheat sheet was even made.. for? in?#whatever ykwim its 6:30am i need to sleep
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there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them
#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris#muscle memory is crazy#i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic#when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good#but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor#what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet#bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back#and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id#it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category#or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is#my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread#something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it#but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore#ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me#delete later
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2908
#mia's ramblings#maam adviser was nice TT#current fave teacher is probably sir l#tbf he was my favourite before i even stepped foot in our hs so#yk the favoritism is still going strong 5 years later#he doesnt recognize me tho </3#tbf i barely recognize him either#classmates ? uh may isa dyan na seatmate ko na parang ewan tangina beh bat ka tumabi sa kin malay ko ba na ikaw seatmate ko late nga ung bu#anyways the index card things are making me insane#what else#uh#meeting maam schoolbus as an actual teacher and not just in schoolbus :D#maam pls dont kill me <3#labyu maam#ALSO JACKSON :((#I MISSED HIM#AND ASH :((#AND AND AND#my bestfriend too obv but yk#also i can see why my other seatmate (n) has a crush on her shes really pretty#haha girl shes straight dont even think about it </3#not saying who 'she' is but yk#theres also three new people in the bus#god#anyways#i have to fix my sleeping shced
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trying not to post too much during the strike to keep focus on Everything but I need to get out of my head a lil
#took a gap year because school was killing me#then the year I wanted to go to college covid started and then since then I’ve been rotting in my room becoming more and more disabled#it’s.#going to be scary this year trying to undo all the damage and anxiety#meeting new people#trying to really act like a 23 year old#being a freshman in college at 23 was never my plan but I thought I was going to die at 19#things have changed. I.. left a lot of people behind due to that thinking#and undiagnosed bpd#and it sucks. I keep having dreams abt hs and realizing that I was never alone#and im not alone now even though sometimes it feels like it#im taking my health into my own hands and actually trying to live instead of watching my life go by and it’s weird taking a front seat again#not in the did sense. I’ve had a pretty tight rein on the front for the last few years#but. im trying to be a person again. seeing myself as a person again#I uh. am 99 percent sure I have nerve damage. I have to talk to my pcp about it next time after the next few tests I take#and um wow. it really affects my hands and fingers#and as you all know me and my butch have a comic we’re working on together#I see as you know like ppl r actually gonna read this lmao fhdha well besides you. 👁️👁️#jk sorry it that triggered anyone’s paranoia im just sillay. but yeah I uh#never have worked on something this long and this hard before PAUSE. And uh it means a lot to the both of us. we have so many comic ideas#but so far sys! is the one nearest and dearest to my heart and the idea that I won’t be able to draw it after spending years practicing#to get better and better uh hurts. I’d uh rather be in pain making the comic than live never making it#but it’s not just abt me in the end isn’t it. I miss people I used to know#random thought sorry. accidentally found someone I used to know in the wild and then it clicked after I followed them. felt like it would#be weird to take it back so now im just hoping im not recognized mostly out of. shame I guess. idk. I don’t remember things well#memory problems + bpd lying to me yknow. but uh. idk maybe these dreams and these feelings mean that in order to reach my dreams I have to l#like. honour the weird kid that I was and by doing that#I have to acknowledge that shit I abandoned everyone before they could abandon me. and maybe that’s just how I see it now#maybe no one actually gave a shit and I just faded out of existence for fun but avoiding things is how I ended up perpetually in my bedroom#barely able to stand and very scared of the world. how I ended up not improving at art for years because I was to scared to something difrnt
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god fucking dammit there’s so much i need to do lol throwback to when my doctor said she would refer me to a dermatologist and then didn’t ^_^ and then i lost my insurance for them anyway so it wouldn’t have mattered
i need to get back on kaiser so i can see that doctor again bc she’s the only one who ever took me seriously and was willing to actually treat me instead of just telling me to lose weight
but i need to fucking do something god dammit i hate that i have to fucking do something why can’t it just stop why is this happening to me why me why me why me why me why me why me
#and i got denied disability twice#and my dad is decreasing my allowance#even tho i still don’t have a job (bc i can’t work bc i’m disabled)#and juices job pays less than his old one#so now that adds more stress and stress is one of my hs triggers#WHEEEEEEEEEEE#fucking kill me please#vent#personal
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When do you think chapter 11 is gonna be ready? No pressure tho, I love your fic sm
Okay, so here's a Nocturne update. In total, there should be 5 arcs roughly 5 chapters each. Arc 1 and 2 are complete, and with Chapter 11, we will begin arc 3. The fic in total might be up to 120k words.
My goal is to again shoot for an update every two weeks. However, I'll try to be more responsive when things aren't going well and/or I'm taking a break.
Moving forward, I will update my Bio with percentage progress on the next chapter. This will be a rough estimate, but it'll be better than nothing. Also, please remember that Nocturne chapters are generally massive, so yeah something like 10% would be several hundred words, 50% a couple thousand. I do not want to start posting about progress, that will give me a complex. So it will be up to interested parties to check my bio for updates.
In general, if its been two weeks and a few days after the last posting, feel free to harass me - within reason. Everyone's been awesome and super kind, but I don't want to give people blanket freedom to get on my back. Sometimes things are going well and I want to spend time with people instead of writing alone (writing can be really lonely) and then other times things are going poorly and drinking water is an accomplishment
Also, something that helped my block recently was writing for another fandom. I haven't posted for a different project yet, but please understand that I might. This is a good thing! It helped me get my mojo back and write for Nocturne. So like please don't get upset if you see me update other things. coughRipple Effectcough
My goal is to complete this fic before 2024, hopefully by a lot. At the absolute latest, my goal is to complete Nocturne before Season 5 comes out. 2025 is not good news right? But here is my promise as a Fanfic creator who hates in-complete works just as much as the next reader:
If by the premiere of ST episode 1 "The Crawl," Nocturne is not completed, I promise to release my outline.
I understand that this would not be satisfying, and it's something that I don't want to do - I want to finish what I started, I love Nocturne and I plan to see it complete. But life does happen. So if literally all else fails, I will post my outline, and that way you guys will know how it ends.
I have gotten so much support for this fic, like an incredible amount of support. Simply lovely fan art has been made! Which if I think about long enough will make me cry So I want to give you guys the assurance that your time hasn't been wasted, I will finish and if all else fails, you guys will at least know what happens.
Until then, thank you so much for your patience! Thank you for supporting my bat fic! Thank you for the art!!! *sobs* Thank you for tagging me in bat posts & videos; they're so cute!! Hope to see you next week with Chapter 11!
Happy reading!
#nocturne#nocturne my beloved#thank you for supporting my 🦇 fic#🦇#byler fanfiction#my fanfic writing#byler#also like perfectionist side note Nocturne is basically a first draft and I'm trying to be okay with that but there are so many things#I would go back in change#and that's working itself up in my mind#not big things but like little things#like the freaking seniors in hs right#so they should be getting ready to apply for college but I haven't yet figured out how to work that in and its killing me#part of me is like you should have made them juniors and then you wouldn't have had that problem#and then the last two chapters#did i even fucking pace them right#soo much happens on halloween#sometimes thats what kills my progress#like the major beats of the story are the same but the little details#like the small stuff that isn't foreshadowing just freaking kill me#writing isn't easy yo#but i'm super happy people still are enjoying it! hopefully that continues!
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