#anyways the index card things are making me insane

[maiaacchiato]

2908

[ohcorny]

hey corny. so i always see people recommending to outline their story before starting it, but could you talk a little bit more about what that means? what is an outline and how do you structure one? how long are the ones you write, depending on the project? do you focus on plot beats or feelings? how specific do you get? can u recommend any readings for learning more?

up front i don't have any resources for this, only experience. and outlines feel like one of those things where it's like... there are a million ways to do it and the way that works for me might not work for you. i have a friend who writes out all his ideas on index cards and that, for me, is insane. but he's also a better writer than me so who can say what is right or wrong.

anyway an outline is essentially a sketch but for a story. you go through the whole thing, start to finish, and figure out what goes where and what happens when. the idea is that this is the stage where you work out all the big picture stuff and make sure it all fits together, now, and not after you've drawn twenty pages and suddenly go "wait shit that doesn't work" and have to do it over. it is much easier to delete and rewrite a paragraph than to redraw several pages.

doing anything more, ie including dialogue or feelings, depends entirely on how useful that information is to you at that point in the process and whether the purpose of the outline is for your own guidance, or so somebody else can tell what you're trying to achieve.

this got really long with multiple examples

here is an excerpt from the original outline i used to pitch Hunger's Bite to publishers. this one had to be polished to a professional standard, because somebody else was going to read it and decide whether they wanted to give me thousands of dollars to tell this story. (also several of the details are no longer accurate. for instance it now takes place 9 years earlier lmao)

this paragraph represents the first eight pages of the book. the final book is 264 pages long, and the outline was 12 pages of paragraphs as dense as this one.

it establishes where we are, who's there, and what they're doing. i describe their conversation, but i don't commit to the dialogue. i will occasionally include snippets of literal dialogue, but usually only if it's Important Dialogue, or i just don't want to forget a good idea i had while outlining. it's not expected at this step.

an outline written as part of a pitch to a publisher should tell the whole story, with all the important details, and leave nothing ambiguous. they need to know the tone, shape, and the arcs. no secrets! all the spoilers. outlines for yourself should do this too, but outlines for others need to be as clear about your vision as possible. again, an outline like this exists for the purpose of getting you paid thousands of dollars. you should write it like that.

in comparison, here's an excerpt from the outline i wrote for revisions to my WIP prose novel, so i could show it to my agent (who already read the draft) to be like "do these changes sound good?" i'm not selling it to anyone yet, just making a guide so i can have a conversation about it. so it doesn't need to be neat, it just needs to be functional and clear. the first chapter was entirely new stuff. the second bit was just writing down what was already in the chapter that existed.

i have historically been very bad at outlining things when i don't think i "need" to, and only wrote this one after having written like 60k words of the book without any overall plan. i gave what i had to my agent for feedback and then sat down and figured out how i could apply it. it's made the whole revisions process significantly less daunting. now i have a checklist for things i need to do! this one was a paragraph or two for each chapter, with the ones that needed a lot of rewriting given a bit more detail.

lastly, here's a bit of the outline for the first roger crenshaw book. i was the only person who had to see this, and since the story was planned to be very short i didn't have to worry about a whole lot. as long as i knew what was supposed to go where, it would work. honestly it's not a whole lot different from the previous example.

this one was like five paragraphs and it did the job, and this story was like 15k words. you only need as much or as little as will actually help you on the page.

basically if you take nothing else from this, it's that there are multiple ways to write an outline, that it does not need to be perfect if you're doing it for yourself, and that it only needs what you think is important (unless it is for other people. then it should have everything). and also it's a good idea to do it earlier in the project than after you've written 60k words or drawn--jesus christ i got up to 12 chapters in never satisfied? it's amazing i didn't quit sooner

[bbdaydreams]

Baby Formula

TikTok inspo

a/n: @pinoyrella and I back at it again with laughing at TikToks and coming up with ideas.

Character: Sanzu Haruchiyo

Summary: Sanzu made a small mess with the formula trying to make a bottle for his daughter

Warning: drug mention (cocaine)

Sanzu was never completely sure he wanted a child until his daughter was born. They were the perfect mixture of you and him, he loved her with all his heart. It was clear he cherished them and wouldn’t try to put them in harms way so you trusted him to take care of your child alone while he encouraged you to get some sleep in your shared bedroom.

But you weren’t the only one lacking sleep, he was as well. Drifting in and out of sleep while his daughter laid on their play mat he noticed that it was almost nap time for them.

“Stay put, I’ll be right back princess. Daddy’s going to make you a bottle.” She looked up at him and babbled which made him smile and press a kiss against her cheek before getting up.

Getting to the kitchen, he added water to the electric kettle and flicked the switch to let the water boil before taking out the formula tub from the designated baby cabinet as well as a clean bottle. Everything was now set up as how you’ve taught him to prepare. Grabbing the scoop he put the required amount into the bottle but most of it spilt out. Letting out a sigh he turned the bottle upside down to let what did get in go back into the container and tried again, this time succeeding.

Deciding to clean up while the water cooled down he placed the bottle somewhere else and started looking around for a towel to clean the countertop. Not finding any and not wanting to get his hands dirty, he opted for an old trick. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a credit card from his wallet. Collecting what he could, he made it into a line and was about to scoop it up until he heard your voice.

“Haru, it’s almost nap time for- what are you doing?”

Sanzu isn’t scared of much but he is definitely terrified of you. So, in the heat of the moment he decided to snort it.

“Haruchiyo!”

“I’m sorry! You made me panic so I had to hide the evidence!”

“You’re doing coke when I trusted you with MY baby?! Sanzu Haruchiyo what the fuck is wrong with you? Are you fucking insane? Out of all the things you do I can’t believe you did that! While I was sleeping too!”

“It’s not what it looks like, I swear! It was baby formula!”

“It was baby formula? So your first instinct to me catching you in the act was to straight up snort it?! Like hell I’ll believe that Haruchiyo!”

“You’re scary when you’re mad but yes. Look, taste it,” he pleaded wiping his index finger on the exterior of his nose.

“Sanzu I’m not-“ he was quick to cut you off by sticking his finger into your mouth, the taste catching you off guard.

“See? I wouldn’t lie to you my pretty booger.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t put a booger in my mouth. Where’s our princess anyways?”

“Living room.”

Walking out of the kitchen with him following, you saw your daughter was still on their mat, peacefully asleep as if you weren’t just yelling at her father at the top of your lungs.

[vad-hander]

• Pairing: Jaebeom x reader

• Genre: smut, fluff

• Warnings: established relationships, dom!Jaebeom sub!reader switched positions, teasing, orgasm denial, unprotected sex

• Words: 10k

“My kink is you wearing these jeans and a dress shirt, why’d you make me suffer from orgasm denial in the past 4 hours?” you moaned quietly to not make anyone else hear it in case someone was behind the door. “I didn’t know you were this needy.” he smirked pecking your lips quickly. “Want to see?” your hand landed on top of his palm, trying to slide it down to the center of your body.

Youngjae’s generous invitation for Jaebeom & you to visit his musical made you more excited than you ever thought it would. The two of you just got out of a 14 days quarantine you had to undergo after returning to Korea and this was meant to be your first post-quarantine event, let alone the fact the two of you haven’t been anywhere in what felt like ages.

You watched Jaebeom put his tight black jeans on, which itself was an event for you. He didn’t let happen too often with wearing baggy pants but you never really cared what he wore, you never even had the thought of commanding him on what to wear and what not, but the view of his legs wrapped in a black jeans material gave your body and ecstatic shock wave making your core throb from a single glance. Before meeting Jaebeom you never thought the view of someone’s legs could make you feel the things you felt but the reality of being in love hit you every time you caught yourself finding things that were normal to you regarding other people but were filled with sexiness when it was about Jaebeom. These thoughts always gave you a mental reminder you never were in love with anyone as much you were with him. The slight smirk on your lips was caught by his stare and he turned around to face you, moving his, actually long, legs towards you.

“What’s up with the smirk?” he gifted you a smile trying to lightly pinch your cheek by sliding his middle and index finger over it. “You’re ready?”

“Yes boo.” the nickname made Jaebeom smile wider and his hand slid onto your neck, gripping lightly to move your head closer to press a small kiss in the corner of your lips.

“You’re cute.” he smiled letting go.

“The urge of taking these pants off your legs is making me act up.” you joked making him chuckle.

“We can’t be late, you’ll have to wait.” Jaebeom slid his hand down your shoulder to intertwine your fingers and pull you to come with him.

“I know you’re lying, nothing would stop you usually. You don’t like me?” you mixed up a dramatic and cute looks making Jaebeom laugh at your obvious bad acting.

“You know this was bad, right?” you simply nodded chuckling lightly agreeing with him.

“Want to punish me?” you gave it one more shot getting a disappointed nod from your boyfriend.

“Now don’t expect to peacefully go to bed when we get back home.” he pecked your lips for the final time dragging you to go to the exit.

The musical was good, you liked going to theatres the only issue here was the fact you barely spoke Korean, and at first Jaebeom was trying to interpret a little but soon he gave up due to all those people around you constant staring and hissing. “It’s okay, you’ll tell me after it’s over, let’s see if what I guessed is any close to what it actually was.” you chuckled allowing Jaebeom to rest in his sit to fully focus on his friends acting.

A staff came crawling over your raw just a few minutes before everything ended asking you in a polite manner to follow him backstage and you two, excusing yourselves and bending as low as possible, exited the hall to a light corridor. The room was completely empty and Jaebeom took your hand in his. You held onto his fingers tightly appreciating him seeking for contact at any giving chance you had. Touching and any form of informal interaction was something you held back from doing due to Jaebeoms status in life. You always planned to pull the staff or the friend card if someone suspected anything and in order of doing it successfully you needed to act accordingly, you always acted accordingly. The only person to break the rule was Jaebeom and there was nothing better in life than feeling the adrenaline run through your veins when in a sudden move he’d take your hand or pull you in for a light kiss. You loved these moments and you lived for these moments. You lived for the moments when you could tease him to the state where he could barely hold himself back, to the state where he dragged you to the bathroom multiple times to bend or kneel you down to release the tension in his pants. He rarely acted bold but when he did he drove you insane. Light moves of his thumb over the skin on your palm were like the moves of a match on a matchbox, striking sparks down your core but he seemed casual about it.

“I think he’ll want to go to eat after this, will you want to go with us?” he drew your attention to his face.

“If I won’t go, you’ll come back late, I’ll be asleep already and then you won’t keep your promise, and your promise is the only thing I could think of through this whole time.” you said quietly in case the man that was leading you spoke English aswell.

“No, I would keep it even if I’d come at 3am.” light chuckle of his whispered tone was interrupted by the staff that finally told you to come into the room to wait for Youngjae.

“I wish we could go on other dates too. I’d like to see Jinki, I like him a lot.” you commented looking at all those posters hanging all over the walls.

“I’ll ask Youngjae about that.” he chuckled and pulled you to seat beside him. “So are you coming?”

“Did you agree with him to go without me?” you squeezed your eyes suspiciously.

“You’ll be bored, that’s it.”

“I won’t be, I’ll eat deliciously and then I’ll just stare at your beautiful side profile until you’d want to go home and get your beautiful profile deep between my legs. I won’t understand you two for the most part anyway, you can share your little secrets calmly.” you booped him on the nose finishing your sentence cutely.

“The more you say things like that the less I want to go anywhere except for going home and getting on top of you.” Jaebeom grabbed your neck moving you closer.

“That’s what I told you in the first place. My kink is you wearing these jeans and a dress shirt, why’d you make me suffer from orgasm denial in the past 4 hours?” you moaned quietly to not make anyone else hear it in case someone was behind the door.

“I didn’t know you were this needy.” he smirked pecking your lips quickly.

“Want to see?” your hand landed on top of his palm, trying to slide it down to the center of your body.

“No, no, no.” he moved back suddenly. “Don’t turn me on like that, don’t. Youngjae will come any second and I don’t want to have a boner in these tight jeans.”

“Well, not good for you.” you chuckled trying to get from Jaebeoms grip, and he only let go of you when he licked into your mouth multiple times.

Jaebeom was obviously right about the dinner and now the three of you were sitting at the private booth in the restaurant not too far from the place where you watched the musical. The food was good and it was the greatest gift you could receive in the time being. You were slowly running your eyes over Youngjae and Jaebeom, not really having much to add to the heated conversation they had. Mostly, due to the fact you barely could catch up on what they were saying, but as long as the food kept you occupied you were good. Inner urge to fish your phone out and just entertain yourself while scrolling was something you fought harshly, finding it a tad bit inappropriate and disrespectful. In search of things you could entertain yourself with you remembered your teasing game, which wasn’t initially a game, it was just your pure will, but since Jaebeom denied you, you had no other option left other than tease him to the state where he wouldn’t be able to fight back anymore.

Placing your chopsticks back to their designated place when you finished eating you sat back a little moving your legs closer to Jaebeoms. You bumped your knees accidentally , getting a warm smile from him before turning his attention back to Youngjae. Thanks to the seating with chairs Youngjae wasn’t able to see your legs and you were able to quietly put your palm over Jaebeoms knee. Your featherlight touch drew his attention back to you.

“You’re good?” his tone changed 180 from a casual one he spoke to Youngjae with to a caring sweet one when he spoke to you. A smile lit up your face and you guessed you looked like two disgusting idiots to Youngjae, you really didn’t want to be the annoying girlfriend that ruined the bros hang out.

“Yeah.” you pouted slightly and expected Jaebeom to give you a light peck, because he always did when you pouted, but he just nodded a quick no, saying sorry with his eyes. You moved a bit more closer to Jaebeom, resting your head on his shoulder, blinking blindly with your eyes running over the room. None of the boys paid any attention to what you did, so you just rested for a couple of minutes, listening to the words that left their mouths. The moment Jaebeom relaxed his body, that he tensed up the second you touched him, you knew it was the time to make him tense up again. Your hand lightly ran over his knee and it took all in you to hold back from chuckling at how fast Jaebeoms reaction to it was. He didn’t stop you and he didn’t give any visible to Youngjae reaction, so you just continued stroking his knee calmly, feeling him get used to and chill under the touch. Running your fingers up his leg you felt Jaebeoms hand on your thigh, gripping lightly to signal for you to stop. He still acted as if nothing was happening under the table, so you had to just bite your cheek to not draw attention. Jaebeom’s fingers ran up your bare skin, with the robe-like dress you wore he easily snaked his hand up without lifting your dress up, rubbing with his thumb your sensitive skin. The light touches of his fingers mixed with the feeling of cold metal from the rings he wore send warmth down to your core. You dug your nails into his thigh through material of his black jeans, trying to stop yourself from reacting too vividly.

“It’s your birthday?” Youngjae asked in English drawing your attention to him. You lifted your head from Jaebeoms shoulder, moving your head around confusedly trying to get yourself back together from those pleasures feelings.

“Huh?” you were taken aback by the sudden question and it showed on your face.

“You had your birthday a couple of days ago.” Jaebeom said with a slight smile on his lips from your reaction.

“Yeah, yeah. It was my birthday.” you ran your eyes from Jaebeom back to Youngjae.

“I have a gift.” he said in a cute tone, reaching out to his bag to find something.

“What?” you exclaimed excitedly. “You didn’t have to.” Youngjae straightened his back expanding his hand towards you. There was a small box that said ‘Gucci’ on it. “No, I can’t take it!” you exclaimed taking the box out of his hand. “What’s in there?” Jaebeom asked Youngjae the same question in korean for him to understand.

“Open.” Youngjae simply commanded and you pulled the top of the box up, revealing to you the gift wrapped in paper with a Gucci sticker on. You laid the box on the table to rip the sticker off and finally see what he got you.

“Thank you so much!” your hands revealed to your curious eyes a pretty card holder. “Look!” you exclaimed shoving it in Jaebeoms face. “This is nice.” you smiled at him and he nodded lightly taking the holder from your hand to check it out “Wow, Youngjae, thank you so much.” you ran your fingers over the material of the holder before letting go of it. “Can I hug you?” you asked politely in Korean. Youngjae nodded gifting you a light chuckle, before moving to stand up. You moved your chair too, noticing how Jaebeom moved his hand from your thigh to the back of your chair. His hand ran through your spine when you stood up and with Youngjae expanding his hands towards you there was no time for you to react to your boyfriends movements, hugging Youngjae tightly. “Thank you so much, you really didn’t have to.” you spoke in Korean again, using up all of your skills and knowledge for the sentence.

Right when you felt like the hug took longer than the both of you intended, you felt Jaebeoms fingers on your elbow, pulling you back to him. He coughed in his ordinary manner making you chuckle at the absurd display of jealousy and possessiveness as if you and Youngjae were showing any affection towards each other at all. Youngjae let go of you quicker than you expected, making you fall back into embrace of the guy that suddenly was in the mood to mark his territory. You felt his hand on the back of your chair again, lightly tapping your shoulder. You gave his knee a light punch as if telling him to stop and with Youngjaes silent chuckle they began talking again.

“Oh, I need to go, Coco is waiting for her walkie.” you heard Youngjae speak, turning your head to see Jaebeoms reaction.

“Yeah, you’re right, it’s pretty late.” he checked his lock screen “ I guess my pup is in need of a walk aswell.” he chuckled referring to you and Youngjae made a loud throaty laugh, making it die quickly when he noticed your death stares towards Jaebeom.

He kept his little game even after you paid, getting up and leaving he patted your head and said ‘let’s go’ with tapping his knee as if you were an actual pup. Jaebeoms face lit up with happiness when he heard Youngjaes laugh and you played along sticking your tongue out and bending your hands for two seconds when Youngjae turned away gaining an approving smile from Jaebeom, rolling your eyes at him afterwards.

Jaebeoms hands landed on your waist the second his feet entered the elevator behind you. His hands pushed you to turn around and before you could even see his face expression in the elevators mirror you were facing Jaebeom. Your eyes ran over his face noticing how he really tried hard to keep it expressionless. You smiled lightly, biting your lower lip. His hands were glued to your waist and you ran your hands up his, resting them over his neck.

“What?” you asked and he opened his mouth to answer, but the sound of the elevators door closing made you jump in his hands out of surprise and Jaebeom chuckled at your reaction.

“We didn’t press the floor button, did we?” he said letting go of you to do so. You nodded lightly and Jaebeom pulled you to his chest hugging tightly. You rested your head on his chest, snaking your hands over his warm body. “Where’s your gift?” he asked you suddenly making you realise you left it in the car.

“Da-a-mn.” you growled into his chest and Jaebeom’s hand squeezed your neck lightly.

“Are you tired or what?” he said, turning around when the elevator came to the needed floor. You chased after Jaebeom, catching his extended towards you palm, walking with holding on to his hand with both yours. He punched in the passcode to your door, pulling you to walk in with him and letting go of you to close the door.

You stood in front of the door watching him take his shoes off expecting Jaebeom to pay any attention to you, but he just walked forward, turning around to take a look at you. “Why you’re standing?” he made a real surprised face expression looking you up. You frowned, quickly taking the shoes off your feet. Walking in a quick pace past Jaebeom who was still standing and watching you, you punched him lightly into his side with your elbow, getting a light chuckle from him. Jaebeoms hands grabbed you by the waist mid-action, pulling you close to his back. “Needy.” he murmured into your shoulder, giving it a light bite.

“I thought we had an agreement.” you tried to push him off, but Jaebeoms grip was obviously stronger.

“I can’t even tease you for a second?” he chuckled lightly, caressing your stomach with his fingers. “You had fun through the whole evening and I’m not allowed to do it for a slight moment?” he whined to make you feel bad about your behaviour “That’s selfish.” Jaebeom turned you around in his arms, resting both of his palms on your cheeks. “Since when are you selfish?”

“Since when the only time I’m allowed to rule is when I’m teasing you in front of someone because you don’t like to pay attention to me in these circumstances. All other times you act like an insufferable dom, there’s nothing I’m allowed to do.” you sighed, licking your lips.

“I’m not... that much of a dom...” he said sounding like he might’ve doubted it himself.

“You are...” you nodded lightly and Jaebeom bit his lower lip with an apologetic grimace on his face.

“I’m sorry but I guess you should’ve told me two years ago you don’t like it. What took you so long?” he sighed lowering his hands back to your waist.

“I never said I don’t.” you tilted your head to the side, resting your hands on Jaebeoms broad shoulders.

“I see.” he chuckled lightly trying to contain his smile making the cute little face expression you liked so much. His cuteness made your heart clench at the same time with making your entire body warmer.

“So what?” your hands slowly made their way over to his stomach, caressing it with your fingertips.

“You wanted to rule, so rule.” Jaebeom suggested. You stayed silent to see his further actions but he just stood calmly staring back at you. “Come on, my patience won’t last forever.” he teased.

“Let’s go.” you grabbed his hand, pulling him to walk behind you towards your shared bedroom.

Entering the room, you noticed how the lights from the streets of Seoul were blocked by the black-out curtains that were weighing on the ledge. The only light in the room was coming from the side where the curtains weren’t properly closing the window. Small glimpses of light jumped over the walls from passing-by cars. You loosened your grip on Jaebeom’s hand, letting his fingers naturally slide from yours. Your eyes were too focused on the light, and when you didn’t move for quite a while, Jaebeom moved behind you. You felt his fingers move your hair away from your shoulder, feeling fresh air run up your neck. He leaned in closer to your ear, resting his fingers on your shoulder. Jaebeom’s lips left a kiss at the base of your neck making you shiver immediately. His touch was intoxicating to you, no matter how much time had passed, you still were getting goosebumps from whatever he said or did to you.

“Are you coming up with a grand plan to torture me?” he chuckled into your neck, running his lips up to your ear to move his face forward and rest his cheek against yours. Jaebeom’s hands snaked over your body, intertwining your fingers. He hugged your body tightly with both his and yours hands. You closed your eyes relishing the moment, rubbing your cheek lightly against his. You felt his lips on your jaw, leaving light pecks and *maybe* signalling you that you’re slow at giving him what he wants you to give him the most. You weren’t able to open your eyes though because Jaebeom’s light pecks turned into tiny sloppy kisses that just forced you to rest your head against his left shoulder, allowing him more access to your sensitive skin. With each feel of his lips on your neck, with each little sound he made when his lips met your skin you felt how your body relaxed more against his and you felt how your heart was trembling as if it was the first time he touched you at all. One of his hands left your waist only to rest against your cheek the next moment. His hand pulled your head by the neck to the side, holding on to it. Jaebeom’s lips moved back up to your jaw, nibbling on the spot under your ear. His light actions forced a moan escape your mouth, a moan that got you back into reality and got strength back into your feet.

“Wait.” you tried to tell him normally but your voice was weak and sounded more like a moan.

“Yeah?” he stopped drawing his attention to you. You turned around in his arms to face him properly. Thin laces of light ran over Jaebeoms face, giving you an opportunity to see his beautiful features for the nth time. You felt your heart clench when your eyes landed on his lips, unconsciously raising your hands to caress his cheeks. One of your hands slid down onto his neck, hooking it around it to hold on. Your free hand ran a line up his nose with your index finger, feeling how Jaebeom’s hand held tighter on your waist.

“I love you.” you sighed, pulling his face down closer to yours.

“I know baby, I love you too.” his tone was soft and low, you could barely hear him, he was practically murmuring. Jaebeom rested his forehead against yours, allowing for you to decide on what you’ll do next.

Moving your hands back to Jaebeoms face, you pulled his face a tiny bit closer, finally intertwining your lips. The kiss that you were waiting for for the whole evening quickly changed from a soft and slow one into something passionate, something that took both of your breaths away. Jaebeom’s hands ran up and down your side, making your head go dizzy every time he squeezed your butt before running his hand back up, pushing your body harder against his. He had to pull your face from his when it felt like the both of you could lose consciousness from the lack of air in your lungs.

“I still want to take these pants off your legs.” you murmured into his lips, pulling him more towards you.

“I won’t protest.” he chuckled and guided you towards the bed. You gave in, because its what you usually did. You obeyed and listened to what Jaebeom said and you both enjoyed it very much, but he said it’s up to you tonight and you weren’t planning on giving that completely up.

“Sit down then.” you demanded, and Jaebeom chuckled at your serious voice but obeyed diligently, walking with you to the bed. He didn’t break eye contact, sitting down and running his tongue over his mouth. Jaebeom sat down in an arrogant pose, spreading his knees but crossing his ankles. He switched his body weight to his hands that were keeping him up behind his back. “Move.” you commanded him with your hands, showing for him to crawl deeper onto the bed. He listened again, straightening his long skinny legs in front of you. The bulge, that was always visible through tight material of his pants, drew even more of your attention to it now that he was slightly turned on. You pressed a knee into the mattress of the bed, and Jaebeom lifted his body on his elbows, expectant of what you’ll do. You quickly got to his lap and Jaebeom’s hands quickly found their place on your thighs. “What should I do with you…?” you smirked at him, placing your hands on each side of his head.

“You pick, I don’t know.”

“I’m drowning in the ocean of possibilities, I should’ve prepared myself.” you chuckled lowering your face in front of him.

“Want to switch it up?”

“Never.” you kissed him, slowly rocking your body against his. A low groan escaped Jaebeom’s throat giving you a boost of confidence you never knew you needed. You broke off the kiss, moving your lips to his neck. The feeling of your wet mouth made him groan again and the vibration that escaped his throat and passed to you through your lips settled down in your core. You felt your insides clench and the only thing you could think about from now on is how good he’ll feel inside of you.

“Remember you told me once things you liked about me?” you moved back up to his face to be able to see his eyes.

“Of course I do, it was last week.” his hand ran up your waist.

“I want to do the same thing.” you licked his lips, slowly running your tongue over his mouth.

“Okay…?”

“Can I?” you asked out of habit.

“You know you can do anything you want, baby.” he let go of your leg, finding your face to caress your cheek. “Don’t make me feel bad with questions like that, now you’re making me believe I’m a conceited bully who’s keeping you in slavery.”

“Not true.” you opposed “One of the things I like about you…” you began slowly “…is the fact that you can control me but respect my views and needs at the same time.” your lips landed on his cheek. “You’re caring even though controlling and I have no idea how you’re doing it like that and to be fair that’s super sexy. But this is not what I wanted to tell you.” your lips found his once again.

“Okay, okay.” he chuckled, pulling you closer.

“Promise to just shut me up and just fuck me if I’ll get too sentimental, okay? I don’t want to be a crying mess.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t let you, you were grabbing onto my thigh through the whole evening I can’t even think straight right now, I want you.”

“I’m sorry.” you chuckled “But now I just want you to know that I’m so glad you asked me to stay with you when the rent at my place was due and I wanted to go home. I’m so glad I didn’t protest too much to stay at your place with you two years ago and now I’m here with you in this bed, and I love you so-so much. Fuck…” you sighed feeling that you already were emotional. This wasn’t even what you wanted to tell him in the first place, but now that you began you weren’t able to stop yourself from saying all those things. “We probably wouldn’t have lasted long if we went long-distance, I would’ve sulked and missed you so much.” you sighed and smiled lightly at him when you saw his cute little smile. “This is not even what I was planning to tell you. I wasn’t planning to make myself sob.” you chuckled and Jaebeom’s warm fingers on your cheek made your heart clench once again. “I love you a lot, I don’t want to ever not be able to tell you that I love you.”

“I swear, you won’t.” Jaebeom reassured you when you weren’t expecting him to speak at all. “Don’t cry. We’re good, no, we’re great. I love you, and you love me. We’re almost never fight, we’re on the same page, we’re there for each other. I don’t want to let go of you, in fact I want to build a family with you, I told you that. Baby, remember how you told me earlier you wanted me? Come on, show me, don’t cry, you’re upsetting me. I’m the insufferable dom, obey.” a smile lit up his face “I’m ordering for you to rule me, even though this sounds weird to say it like that.”

“I’m sorry, I think I’m just tipsy from what I drank at the restaurant. I was ready to fuck with you in that waiting room and now I’m on top of you and what am I doing? Sobbing.” you chuckled.

“Come here.” Jaebeom said seriously, pushing your hair to your back from hanging in front of his face. His hands pressed you towards his head, making you two kiss. Jaebeom’s lips moved quickly demanding the access into your mouth swiftly. You found balance by each side of Jaebeom’s shoulders, pressing your hands into the mattress. Jaebeom’s hand ran up your neck with a featherlight touch, going back down. His thumb began caressing your collarbone, sending shivers down your spine. Jaebeom’s other hand left your waist as well, sliding towards inner side of your thigh. He ran his hand under the hem of your dress, drawing circles over your bare skin. When his hand was right at the line of your underwear, he ran his fingers over cotton material of your underwear, lowering his fingers and running them up and down your clothed heat. “Do you feel better?” he asked running his fingers past the thin material of your underwear to touch you there.

“Wait.” you moaned into his mouth and he let go of you the next second. “I didn’t tell you.”

“You’ll start crying again, I just got you back.” he sighed.

“No, I won’t now, I just want to hold you back for as long as possible for you to cum harder, do you want that?”

“Baby…” he made a throaty sound.

“No, you have to say it with words, that’s your own rule, follow it.” you smiled making him clear his throat.

“Yeah, I do.” Jaebeom’s hand squeezed your thigh.

“Good. Don’t touch me unless I’ll tell you to. Should I tie you up?” you crooked your neck to look at him from the side.

“No, no, I’ll obey.”

“I hope so.” you felt Jaebeom let go of you, resting his hands on each side of his body. You leaned in to kiss him, softly moving your lips against his, he kissed you back, yet being able to not boss you around. He waited patiently for you to slip your tongue into his mouth, sucking on it lightly. “Mmmh.” he forced a moan out of you with the way his mouth was moving. You pulled back and Jaebeom lifted one of his hands to push you back down, but stopped himself half-way, dropping his hand back on the mattress. “Good boy.” you chuckled. “You know that I love your lips, right?” he nodded, mumbling quiet ‘yes’ afterwards. “I can’t hold back from kissing them all the time.” your fingers ran over his lower lip “And you’re always making me struggle, always forcing me to cry from want. Always making me beg for you. Why do you like me begging for you so much?” you asked rhetorically, kissing him again. Your lips moved slowly to his jaw, getting closer to his ear. “You know when I like your lips the most?” you sighed into his ear.

“I can probably guess.”

“Okay, guess.” you moved back to see his face.

“No, you tell me.” he quickly replied.

“When you get them between my legs.” you exhaled.

“Yeah…” he moaned in your ear “Do you want me to do that now?” you felt your insides clench at the unexpected suggestion. Temptation was way too strong and it took all in you to kindly decline it.

You moved your body a bit lower, now properly resting your lower part against Jaebeoms groin. Your fingers landed on his neck, stroking it lightly up and down. Softly touching his lips with yours, you snaked your fingers behind his neck, trying to wrap your hands around it. “Just taking a look at your neck is making me clench. I’m obsessed with your neck, its so thick, I can barely wrap my hands around it. And your Adam’s apple is moving so sexily every time you swallow.” you paused and he swallowed “Baby, yes, like that.” you whispered when Jaebeom’s Adam’s apple bobbed under your thumbs. “Can I bite it?” you paused to hear a reply from him but quickly changed your mind “Whatever, I’m going to bite it anyway.” running your lips over his neck mindlessly, you found a spot you liked to bite onto so much, tasting the skin, pulling it lightly between your teeth. Your tongue lightly nibbled on the bitten spot, right before your lips sucked in air, leaving red mark on his neck.

You moved your head back, eyeing the red stain you left. Your hands landed on his chest, helping you to find balance and Jaebeom’s hands landed on your hips, reminding you of the no-touching rule. You found his hands with yours, pulling them from you, moving them up, and then making him lower them above his head.

“I’m sorry, I won’t do that again.”

“Too late.” you stated. The only thing that came to your mind that could hold his hands in place was the belt that he had in his jeans, so you tried to hold both his hands with one of yours, expanding the other one to undo his belt somehow.

“You want to tie me up with my own belt?” he made a weird sound.

���Yeah, there’s nothing else I can come up with.” you smiled at him apologetically.

“Come on, I’ll be good, I won’t touch you, I swear.” he begged but you knew it was only to last up until you actually touched him and made him wait. You shook your head no, signalling for Jaebeom to lift his butt a bit, for you to be able to get your new handmade leathery handcuffs from his pants. “Baby…” he sighed.

“I know you’re not good at controlling yourself, i need something to ensure myself you’ll obey.” Getting the belt in front of his arms, you freed him to properly put it around his arms with both of yours. “Wait, we need to take off your shirt first.” you realised that you won’t be able to do that if you’ll tie him. Your hands got back to his chest, running your fingers over to where his buttons were already unbuttoned. You played with his yin-yang necklace that was peaking and teasing your eyes through the whole evening, unbuttoning more of the buttons on his shirt. Getting more access to the skin on his stomach, you pulled the shirt from under his pants, finally finishing with those buttons. You let both halves of the shirt lie down on Jaebeom’s sides. Your hands ran over his chest, lowering your head to plant a kiss on his abdomen. “Do you want to know how much I love your stomach?” you forced him to lift his shoulders off the bed, to let you pull the shirt off them. “Or your shoulders?” you tossed material to the side, getting your attention back to the belt. You wrapped it around his hands, forcing him to pull them back up, passing it in between his wrists afterwards, fastening the belt over it. He pulled lightly to test it, and it held his hands in place, making him drop his head back on the bed disappointed. “Pretty.” you said more to yourself than him, running your fingers from his shoulders to the waist of his jeans. “Even prettier down here.” you mumbled under your breath, squeezing him through the jeans. His body jerked in response, and you chuckled lightly because he pointlessly tried to free his hands. “You won’t mind if I’ll lick your stomach, right?” you asked, lowering your face in front of his abs. You extended your tongue, lifting your eyes to watch Jaebeom’s face expression. He bit down onto his lower lip, watching how you lowered your head, making your tongue meet his stomach. His body made a wave from the sensation. You began drawing small circles over his toned muscles, making your tongue move between every cube of the six-pack. Your chest was moving against his cock, stimulating Jaebeom even more, forcing a low groan out of him. “You know you can tell me what you want me to do?” you kissed a line up his stomach to his chest “I’ll consider your suggestions.” you got your tongue back out, sliding it up his chest to Jaebeom’s neck. You crawled over him, giving you an ability to properly look him in the eyes. “Do you have any?” you licked your lips, lowering your face closer to his.

“No, I’m good.” he coughed lightly, lifting his head from the bed to kiss you. You shot your body back up, pressing his shoulders back down to bed with your palms. “Come on.” He growled disappointedly.

“Weren’t you good just a second ago?” you chuckled. He shielded his eyes as if he was suffering from pain, lifting his head up to look at the bed behind him. “I know baby,” you ran your fingers from his armpit to where his hands were held hostage “it’ll hurt your pride if you’ll beg me for something, but I promise, you won’t die from that.” your hands ran back down, stroking lower, getting through his sides to the waistband of his jeans. The band of his underwear was showing from under his pants, letting you know the brand he wore. You ran your fingers over the band, getting them under it to run back to his left side. You noticed how Jaebeom’s hands grabbed onto the bedsheets above his head, fisting them harshly. “Sure you don’t want to try it?” you moved your hand away, only to drop your fingers over his crotch. Your fingers ran up and down lightly, stroking him with subtle motions. His hips twitched under you, trying to lift them and get more friction which you obviously weren’t about to give him. “No, this is not what the deal was, isn’t it?” you moved your hand away and Jaebeom stopped.

“I’m sorry.” he mumbled under his nose, turning his head away to close his eyes once again.

“The more you break the rules, the longer I’ll take, you get it?”

“Yeah.” He sighed. You got your hand back, palming his crotch slowly. Getting your face once again on the same level with his, you finally kissed him, making a low moan, when Jaebeom bit your lip due to your hands stronger stroking. You moved away to breathe in air, getting your free hand to stroke Jaebeom’s cheek.

“Be a good boy for me? Can you be good for me?” you mumbled into his lips “Just be good, don’t you want to cum?” you pecked his mouth but instead of replying he moaned quietly as a reaction to you squeezing his cock in your hand “you really should start using words.”

“I’ll be good.” He said with his mouth only, giving you an idea of how difficult it is for him to even be under you.

You using same words and tactics as he usually did probably gave him an idea of what it felt like from your side, when he’d rule you and made you be his submissive, when he’d make you speak at the peak of orgasm with the condition of not letting you cum if you didn’t. The difference was that Jaebeom had real issues with begging, he didn’t quite like the idea of begging for anything, so Jaebeom crying and moaning for you to let him cum was something you’d pay for to watch, and you were about to get a free ticket to that.

You tried to undo the button on his jeans with one hand, but you failed miserably, sitting up and undoing the jeans properly with both of your hands. He lifted his hips immediately, predicting you to take off the pants. You decided not to do it the way he wanted it, unzipping the zipper, and just unfolding his jeans to the side, allowing his bulge to get free. The only thing that now divided your palm from his cock was the thin cotton of his underwear. You stroked him multiple times, giving him more pressure than before. You felt Jaebeom’s thighs tense up under your legs, twitching yet again from your hand. You paid all of your attention to his member that was poking the underwear making a droplet of pre-cum smear over the material, soaking it. Your hand left Jaebeom, getting a light whine from him, only to hear him groan a second after, when your hand snaked under his underwear, finally making you meet his warm cock. You stroked him, moving your hand up and down, squeezing him lightly at the base.

“Don’t stop, please.” His voice sounded high-pitched. “Baby, I beg you…” he sighed and you got your hand tighter over him, squeezing more “Yeah, like that.” He sighed again.

You watched his face expression, his eyes were shut tight, small droplets of sweat were forming over his forehead. When your hand wrapped tighter around him he squeezed his eyes in pleasure, making a wave with his body. You weren’t quite sure if Jaebeom was already on the edge, but he acted as if he already was, so you had to let go of him just in case.

“Why?” he asked angrily.

“Did you try to trick me? Did you want to cum?”

“No.” he sighed. “You wouldn’t let me anyway.”

“Right, and now, I’ll have to be even more strict with you.”

“Y/n, come on… I understood already.”

“Understood what?”

“That it’s hard to play by my rules.”

“But I was just doing what you told me to do, I was just making you feel good.” you replied. Your hand ran back down to his cock.

“I want you.” he sighed “I want to get inside of you, I can’t with the teasing.” His voice sounded tired.

“Baby, I only began.” You chuckled and got rid of any contact you had with Jaebeom. He shot his eyes open anticipating what you’ll do next.

Your hands landed on the belt of your dress on your waist. You pulled the ribbon, making the material of the dress fall on both sides of your body, allowing Jaebeom to see your underwear. You felt his eyes land on it immediately, eyeing your underwear, stopping his eyes on your breasts. He paid more attention than expected to your half-see-through garment, lowering his eyes down to your stomach and lower to your clothed heat. You lowered your head too, trying to see what drew his attention, noticing how your underwear was soaked from all the rubbing against Jaebeom. You lifted your eyes back up meeting Jaebeom’s hungry stare.

“Come here.” He commanded and for a slight second the tone of his voice made you want to do it. “Please.” He sighed when you shook your head no.

You pushed the dress off your shoulders, tossing it somewhere to the floor, next to Jaebeom’s shirt. Crawling over his body, you rested yourself against him, wrapping your hands over his neck, hugging his waist with your legs. You felt the phantom of his arms around your body, and your heart cried to feel him around you, but the strength and power you had in your arms right now was way too poisoning to let go of. You intertwined your lips with his, kissing him passionately from the first second. You rocked your hips slowly towards him and Jaebeom did everything in his power to press him against you in return. You twitched when Jaebeom dropped his tied hands on your back, immediately squeezing bare skin of your back with his fingers. You moaned at the feeling into his mouth before you could even understand what he did. He just lowered his tied hands to hold you in place because he had every possibility to do so. You didn’t tie his hands to the headboard of the bed because your bed didn’t have bars, you didn’t even expect he’d do that. His hands burned the skin on your back with the sensuality they gave you. He squeezed and caressed and just held and pressed you closer to him, as if there was any more space for you to get closer to him. You kept kissing him for a minute or so, enjoying the feeling of his hands on you, the feeling you didn’t realize you missed so much until he touched you. The kiss became a mess from all the feelings the both of you felt and gave to each other and you put it all in you to let go of his neck and get his hands from your back to move them back above his head.

“Baby, please.” he made a loud cry leaving you surprised. “Didn’t you like me touching you, don’t you want me to touch you? Please, let me.” he begged now and your insides clenched at the view.

“Don’t make me feel bad.” you moaned into his mouth, sitting up once again. You slid down his legs, getting your hands to the waist of his jeans. Now you pulled the material slightly down and Jaebeom lifted his hips to allow you to do what you wanted. You moved lower taking his jeans down his long limbs, freeing him finally.

Now that the both of you were left in your underwear, you had no intention of not having him inside of you. You dropped his jeans to the floor, crawling back up his legs.

“Bra on or off?” you simply asked, allowing him to pick.

“On.” his reply was quick and you nodded with a light smile on your face. You pulled your underwear down first, tossing it to the side, before your fingers pulled his by the waistband, with him bending his legs and helping you to get rid of it. His pulsing cock bounced up to his stomach, giving you an idea of how turned on he was. Even in the dark room you could see how engorged it was signalling to you that Jaebeom was about to struggle badly. You stroked him a few times, getting a sense from the way he felt and acted you had to be careful. Lifting your hips you guided his cock to your coated with want entrance, sliding him up and down your slit. He jerked his hips up, crying breathlessly at your actions. You felt the entire of your body clench from just the feeling of him being this close. You lost control and allowed him to enter more, causing a loud moan from the both of you. You moved your hips back up because it wasn’t something you planned to do this quickly, getting a low cry from him once again.

“Baby, please, let me get inside of you.” the loud moan that escaped his mouth when you teased him against you once more gave an idea that he possibly could be on the verge. You sank down on him slowly, squeezing your eyes in pleasure. Jaebeom was breathing heavily, and when you jerked your hips up only to sit back down with a quicker speed the room filled up with a low loud groan from Jaebeom that lasted for at least 10 seconds. You never heard him make that sound before and on the second move of your hips you clenched around him. You definitely weren’t expecting from yourself to get to the edge this quickly but it really never took you long to cum when it was Jaebeom, so you really didn’t have to be surprised. “I’ll cum if you’ll do that once more.” his eyes were squeezed and he barely contained himself.

You knew you’d be able to hold back once you maid up your mind on it, you had a great teacher who trained you for two years, but you weren’t sure he’ll last as much as you wanted to. You got your hips back up, quickly sliding down his length, clenching on purpose this time. Jaebeom shot his eyes open, even though he couldn’t focus his vision for a few seconds for sure. “Take this fucking belt off my hands. Let me fuck you, I beg you.” he was finally there to beg and you wanted to tattoo these words into your brain, they were like music to you.

“No, baby, we had a deal, I’ll fuck you and you’ll just be under me to enjoy.” you smiled at him and stopped everything you did.

“Don’t, no, don’t stop, please. I beg you, I beg you, I swear, don’t stop.” he began mumbling quickly but it was too late now, that his orgasm disappeared for the second time.

You slid down, leaving wet trail of kisses over the lower part of his stomach, fighting in your head if you should take him in your mouth or not. You left a few red marks, licking and kissing them afterwards, deciding on not giving him head, you weren’t sure he’ll last long with the feeling of your tongue on him.

“Ready to cum?” you asked him when you felt like he calmed enough to take more teasing.

“Yes, please ride me. Baby, please.” You began moving your hips slowly, getting into much quicker pace in no time. Your nails were digging into the skin of Jaebeom’s shoulders now that your body found some sort of pace that he tried to match with his hip thrusts. “Fuck.” he mumbled under his breath, fisting the sheets vigorously. “Free my hands, I’ll get deeper inside of you, please, let me fuck you. I don’t think I can do it like that anymore.” he moaned again and this time you almost missed a slight twitching of his cock that signalled that Jaebeom would cum in the closest minute.

You just stopped. You even let him leave you empty, watching his cock throb and pre-cum drip down its side. “It hurts, baby, I swear it does. Please let me cum. Y/n…” he squeezed his eyes again only to shoot them wide open and look at you “what do you want me to do? I’ll do anything. I just need to cum. I’m in pain right now, I swear, it does really hurt, I’m at my maximum, please.”

“Move closer to the headboard.”

“Huh?” he looked as if he didn’t hear you “Yeah, okay.” he said in a second, probably working out what you told him to do. You lifted your body off him to let him freely crawl backwards.

“Sit up.” you watched him reach out his hands to the headboard, grabbing it and pulling his body up to sit. He left his hands above his head, holding on to the wooden material and watching you. You crawled up and reached out behind Jaebeom to get pillows from behind him, allowing him to sit more straight.

One of your hands hooked around his neck, leaving couple millimetres between your faces. Your other hand found his cock under you, guiding him to slide inside of you immediately. He gasped into your mouth and you leaned in to kiss him, rocking your hips steadily. You closed your eyes in pleasure, pressing Jaebeom’s body closer to yours with both hands. You broke off the kiss, resting your head on his shoulder. Your hand moved to his waist, holding on to him there. Jaebeom’s little whimpers and cries into your ear made you closer to the edge and you were trying to contain yourself but your clenching just took Jaebeom closer to the edge. “If I’ll free your hands, promise you won’t flip me over?”

“I won’t.” he replied way too quickly making you doubt if he even understood what you said.

“Did you hear me?” you stopped moving and he tensed up.

“I did, I won’t, I promise, just move.” you nodded in response, biting down on your lower lip and beginning your moves again.

You moved your hand to his cheek, caressing it with your thumb. Jaebeom stuck his tongue out for you to kiss him and you gave in, crying silently into the kiss when you lowered yourself on him more than before. Your other hand let go of his neck, crawling over to his tied hands, trying to undo the belt with one hand. It took you longer than expected, and the second Jaebeom heard the sound of it being undone, he roughly freed his hands, making you startled by how quickly he got the belt in his hands, throwing it into the dark of the room. You felt his hands on you the next second, Jaebeom roughly but carefully at the same time got his palm onto your face, pressing your mouths into each other’s. His other hand found your hipbone, grabbing onto it to move your hips quicker and deeper. Your arms were chocking him with how strongly you wrapped them around his neck, but Jaebeom wasn’t really noticing it, being focused on where you connected, making you roughly sink on him and get back up. His mouth let go of yours, trying to kiss a line down your neck, but you noticed him lose the rhythm that he just built up and you knew he’d cum this time for sure.

“Cum, baby.” you moved his head back up to yours, kissing his lips slowly. You purposely clenched around him multiple times, finally feeling his seed fill inside of you. His hips jerked up and he made many tiny noises you never heard before. You waited until he calmed himself down.

“I’m sorry…” he rested his head against the headboard and you lied down on his chest. “I should’ve let you cum first.” you chuckled, leaving small kisses over his chest. A couple of minutes later, when he partially normalised his breathing, you felt Jaebeom rub your shoulder for you to lift your head up. “Come here, I can’t leave you like that.” his hands pulled you closer to his face, kissing your lips quickly. His fingers stroked your sides and his leg hooked around yours, letting you know he’ll flip you over. You didn’t protest knowing he’s only doing it for you.

Now you were in your usual position, feeling his lips move down to your neck, sliding his cock out of you, making you feel empty. Not for long though, as his lips trailed down a line of kisses, his hand got to your breasts, pulling them out of your bra without undoing it. You moaned at the cold sensation he left on your nipples with his tongue and you arched your back towards his body. His hand slid down your stomach right to your entrance, rubbing his palm against it. He moved his finger deeper, making your lube and his cum mix more inside of you. Teasing you multiple times he moved his finger over to your clitoris, rubbing it in circles against it. You whined and Jaebeom’s moves became stronger and quicker. His tongue was swirling over your collarbone, entering you at the same time with his finger.

Next few minutes went in agony, you were trying to squeeze your thighs, and held onto his hand strongly to stop him from doing what he did and make him do it quicker at the same time. Your body was going crazy, your hands were roaming all over the sheets, trying to find something you could hold on to. He stopped kissing you and moved his body away from yours, only keeping contact where he worked with his fingers.

“Jaebeom!” you moaned expanding your hand to his face, and he leaned in to peck your lips quickly moving away afterwards.

His hand left your body and you opened your eyes in disbelief. You didn’t think he’d try to play now, and the only reason he could’ve let go of you is to tease you. You watched him angrily but he didn’t look up at you, he slid his body lower, only to get his face in front of your entrance. You felt your heart tingle, getting a sense of what was going in his head. He spread your legs wider, lowering his head in front of you. The slight feeling of his tongue on you made you jerk your hips up, and he grabbed your hips, moulding his fingers into them to keep you in place. Making a couple of light motions he went all in, running his tongue quickly over the spot he knew was the most sensitive, he ran his tongue down, sticking it inside of you, sliding it flatly back up. Your hands grabbed onto his head not being able to take it you just wanted him to let go, but he didn’t pay any attention to that, sucking in your last cells of sanity. It didn’t last long, with another vigorous lick he pushed you over the edge, not stopping your body from arching closer to him. Jaebeom pressed small kisses over your thigh waiting for you to at least get back into reality. When your breathed more calmly he moved back up, resting his body next to yours. His hands snaked over to your waist, pulling you to lay over his chest.

You closed your eyes trying to calm yourself down and find any strength to tell him anything, but you failed, only finding it in you to rub your face against his chest and hug him tighter.

“See, that’s a tiring job to take over me in bed, you should’ve listened when I told you I’m doing it for you.” he chuckled, brushing your hair behind your ear. His fingers tried to lift your face up to face him, and you let him do it.

“I liked it.” you sighed quietly and he smirked.

“So now I can just rest for the rest of my life while you do the job?”

“No, I liked it, but I guess being a pillow princess is still better.” you smiled at him and a throaty laugh escaped Jaebeom’s mouth. “I won’t give that up to you.”

“Good.” he nodded.

“Why?”

“It’s just better when you’re under.”

“Is it though? You rarely cum that hard.” you chuckled finally feeling more alive. You found balance on your elbows, watching his face expression.

“You teased me forever, that’s expected.”

“Oh, come on, you could’ve just said ‘baby, there’s something about you riding me, that made me lose myself completely, I thought I’ll go crazy if I won’t touch you’.” you furrowed your eyebrows. Jaebeom’s palm pulled your face closer to his.

“Baby, there’s something abo…” he began repeating what you told him with a slight smirk, before you slapped his shoulder.

“Back off.” you sighed, trying to get away from him to take a shower.

“You know I’m bad with words.” he hugged you from the back, pulling your back to rest against his chest. You laid back, resting your head on his shoulder. Jaebeom kissed your cheek, playing with your fingers. “I can write you a song to tell you everything.” he mumbled gifting another kiss to your jaw.

“You know when you need it, you’re doing perfectly fine with expressing yourself.” you made your hands intertwine.

“You know that this goes right back at you, but just because you did so much I won’t fight with you about it.” you made a cute sad face expression and he sighed “Okay…it’s crazily sexy what you did, I didn’t think you’ll actually have the stamina to finish it off the way you began. But you did… and it really pissed me off when you teased me and I couldn’t just do it my way… but yeah, it all washed away when you made me cum. Nice for a change, would never let you do that regularly because you under me is just another type of pleasure.”

“Yeah, insufferable dom, I told you.” you bit down your lip to prevent yourself from laughing.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” he let go of you and you took it as a chance to get up.

“I’m going to shower first!”

—

my first got7 fic, I hope you liked it! please let me know 🥺

[softyoongiionly]

Moonlight

Just a night at the studio with Yoongi

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Genre: fluff, smut (18+ only plz) I love yoongi so much omg

Word Count: 4.5k

A/N: This can be read as a stand alone or as an extension of the FnD series. I am so in love with yoongi it’s insane and, I’ve missed him so much my goodness. I wrote this in like two hours so I really hope you like it ok bye :D

Warnings: explicit smut

“You look good.” You note simply from the pull-out couch in Yoongi’s studio, growing disinterested with the pile of work sitting on the table in front of you

Yoongi looks as though you’ve just shook his hand with a prank buzzer, his body subtly jolting in his desk chair.  

“Me? Why?”

His response makes you laugh as you prop your elbow on the arm of the couch, “You just do. I like watching you work, you look cool.”  

Yoongi is unable to help the new color present on his cheeks nor is able to help the flutter of desire in his gut.  

But all he does his smirk, glancing towards you and then back at his computer screen whilst his long fingers card through his black hair.

“Thanks.” He mutters but there is a renewed sense of light in his eyes as he hits enter on the keyboard.

The sound pulls you towards his fingers, which you have an unnatural obsession with.  

They look graceful settled on the black keys and yet agitated all at the same time.  

They are unsure of exactly where to go, unflexing and flexing against the plastic before Yoongi drags them slowly back to the surface of the desk.  

You’ve been here for hours.

He asked you to accompany him this morning and you eagerly obliged, wanting nothing more than to spend the day with him, even if you weren’t interacting.  

The blue light emanating from your phone lets you know what time it is and you have to admit, you’re a little shocked.

12:07am.

You hadn’t even remembered seeing 9 o’clock, how did time pass so quickly?

As if on cue, you yawn, quickly covering your mouth with your hand to avoid alerting Yoongi.

You’re too late.  

He sees you out of the corner of his eye and immediately takes out one of his headphones, his eyes holding a bit of regret.

“Yah, I’ve kept you here for so long haven’t I?” His voice is tender and warm, seeping in through the fabric of your hoodie and down into your skin, “I should take you home...I’m sorry jagi. I didn’t even realize how late it was.”

“No no-” You cut in, shaking your head, “You don’t have to be sorry at all- you've been working your ass off. I’m just happy you ask me to come, I’ve never gotten to see you work before.”

Yoongi’s heart skips a bit a little at how genuine you sound. He can’t understand why you’d want to just sit here with while he produces but, he’s touched regardless.

“You’ve been working hard too though.” He points out, nodding his head to the mountain of paper on the table, “I don’t want to keep you up all night.”

“I like staying up late.” You insist, crossing your legs and tucking them up on the futon, “Besides,” The tone of your voice lowers a bit as you feel quite shy about what you’re going to say next, “I don’t like sleeping without you...”

Yoongi is almost certain he made out what you said because the grin on his lips is involuntary. However, he decides to mess with you anyway.

“What was that last part?” He asks, brows raised playfully.

He spins slightly in his desk chair with his legs spread out in a way that shouldn’t be attractive.

But it absolutely is.

With a roll of your eyes, you slump against the futon, shoving your hands into your lap, “I said I don’t like sleeping without you.”  

His grin widens, his pretty teeth practically blinding you as he does.

“That shit is cute...” He chuckles more to himself than to you, his teeth securing themselves to his bottom lip, “You wanna stay with me then?”

Yoongi calling you cute makes you want to squeal like a schoolgirl but thankfully, you’re able to refrain.  

With an assured nod, you return his grin, “Yes please.” Your reply is delivered musically which causes him to chuckle again.

He shakes his head, practically exploding with fondness before using his fingers to gesture to the screen in front of him.

“I shouldn’t be too much longer, maybe like an hour or so, then we can go to bed.”

With that, your plans for the remainder of the evening are set in place and you decide that you’re going to put away your work for the night and scroll on your phone.  

You can only work on something for so long before your brain is fried.

Another hour or so passes and you find yourself growing sleepier and sleepier.  

However, your brain quickly finds itself attaching to the only thing in this room that could distract you from the heaviness in your lids:

Yoongi.

He’s dressed head to toe in black: black hair, black sweats, black hoodie and black vans.  

The only thing that stands out in terms of color are the many silver earrings adorning his ears.

The way he hunches over the desk, transfixed on the screen shouldn’t be sexy.

The way he manspreads in the chair shouldn’t be sexy.

The way he chews on the tip of his thumb shouldn’t be sexy.

But it is.  

Because he is.  

You find yourself growing uneasy with the lack of attention.

Not in an emotional way but, in another way entirely.

You can’t help but stare at him and wonder how the hell you got so lucky.  

It would be incredibly easy to stare at him all night, marveling at all of the little things that make him beautiful.

However, he doesn’t allow you to because his heighten sense of awareness has finally caught onto the fact that you’re staring at him.  

Turning towards you, he smirks and shakes his head playfully, “Yah- “ He jerks his chin at you, “What are you looking at?”

Shamelessly, you giggle and prop your chin up on the palm of your hand, “My insanely hot boyfriend...”

He waves you off, wrinkling his face in mock disgust, “Aish, stop all of that.”

“Why don’t you ever let me compliment you?” You protest, your voice heightening slightly, “If I want to say you’re hot, I’m going to say it- whether you like it or not.”

The apples of his cheeks turn a dusty rose color, his teeth finding purchase on his bottom lip as he forces his eyes to stay put on the screen, “I never said I didn’t like it...”

He smirks at the end of his confession, tapping his index finger against the space bar, letting the beat fill the room for the 1000th time.  

It sounds good so you honestly didn’t mind.

Getting to hear Yoongi’s music as it was being made was a privilege you did not take for granted so, you certainly didn’t mind if you had to hear it 1000 more times.  

A few more moments pass as the two of you settle back comfortable silence. You don’t refrain from stealing more glances of your boyfriend but, you decide to stop pestering him until his ready to call it a night.

Then it’s fair game.

During a stolen glance however, you notice him wincing a bit as he adjusts himself in his chair. Yoongi has a bad back that he frequently sees a chiropractor for but, it doesn’t stop him from hunching over for hours on end anyway.

“Is your back hurting?” You murmur, trying to keep the concern in your voice at a minimum.

He hates when you worry about him and, you expect him to tell you no but instead he brings a hand around his shoulder to rub at the likely tense muscles.  

“Yeah- it’s really sore. I need to get with a posture coach or something because, I’m sure sitting in this chair for hours on end only makes it worse.” He winces again, trying to straighten up in the rickety old desk chair.

You make a mental note of looking into buying him a new chair for Christmas; maybe one of those fancy gamer chairs with all the padding.

“Do you want me to rub it for you?”

Keeping your tone casual is easy enough but it doesn’t stop the excitement from brewing in the pit of your stomach. You and Yoongi often indulge in physical affection (and by often, you mean OFTEN) but it’s been a busy few weeks which has unfortunately lessened the amount of time you were able to spend wrapped up in one another. This has been starting to get to you of course but, the reasonable side of your brain tells you that it’s perfectly normal/healthy to go without sex for a few weeks. However, the less-logical (ie the ridiculously in love) part of your brain tends a signal to the entirety of your nervous system that makes you literally ache for your boyfriend.  

The way he’s been acting this evening is only worsening that ache.  

Besides, you don’t like the fact that he’s hurting so really massaging him would be a win/win scenario.  

A small smirk forms on his lips, as he putters around on his keyboard. He still doesn’t look at you but, the glint in his eyes tells you he likes the idea.

“I wouldn’t mind that - I just need like 15 more minutes.” He murmurs, straightening his back once more, his eyes showing a bit of discomfort.

“You don’t have to stop...” You offer, keeping your voice nice and sweet, “I can just sit behind you while you work.”

He licks his lips, shifting in his chair before finally glancing over at you, the smirk still lingering on his lips, “Is it my birthday or something? Why are you trying to spoil me?”

This makes you roll your eyes, “Because I’m in love with you and I want to make sure you feel good, is that alright? Why are you being so difficult?” You gripe, quite matter of factly.

Yoongi breaks out in a fit of rickety laughter, amused by your annoyance.  

The softie in him wants to love on you 24 hours a day but, the brat in him secretly gets a kick out of riling you up.

Plus, annoying you sometimes comes with an added bonus that fuels the less orthodox side of Yoongi’s desires.

“Come here then-” He says in the midst of his laughter, “My aching back needs you...”

You push yourself off of the futon, grumbling to yourself, “This is why I always say you’re like a cat because, I’m trying to love you and you’re asking me if I permit or something...”

Yoongi laughs again, shaking his head and before you can sit down, he’s turning in his chair and grabbing your hand. Despite you pretending to wiggle your hand out of his grip, he interlocks his fingers with yours and places a kiss to the back of your hand.

“I love you.”

These words have been spoken a thousand times but it doesn’t stop your soul from ascending to the tippy top of heaven anyway.

You don’t think you’ll ever tire of him being soft for you.

“Whatever.” You pout, pretending to jerk your hand away once more which causes him to flash that brilliant gummy smile of his. “Just make your stupid, beautiful music, pretend I’m not even here...”

He kisses his teeth and shakes his head, “That’s literally impossible but I’ll try.”

His words may be sarcastic and subtle but you know very well that they have 100 different meanings.

That’s kind of your favorite thing about him.

It’s the fact that he can say so much whilst using his words sparingly. Yoongi has a way of letting you know how he feels without pouring his heart out. Although, there are plenty of times when he does that too and, you love it all the same. But, he’s the type of person to love in secret and, it’s not because he’s ashamed or emotionally unavailable; it’s because he understands how precious love really is and you’re the only one he wants to be vulnerable with.  

You bite your lip to avoid smiling and as you try to move away, Yoongi jerks your hand towards his body gently, his pretty chestnut eyes widening a bit.

“Say it back.” He insists, his voice softening to a specific tone that seems to rot your resolve from the inside out.  

You can’t tell if he knows what he’s doing or if he is unaware he’s using the same voice he uses when he begs for you but either way: you give him what he wants.

“I love you too.”

This satisfies him beyond belief, his grin returning whilst he tugs you down to his level, his sweet lips awaiting yours.

Despite what he wants to do, Yoongi just pecks at your mouth a few times before releasing your hand.

He knows if he kisses you the way he wants to, it will be game over so, thankfully he manages to control himself.  

“This track is called Moonlight right?” You inquire gently, as you take your seat behind him, doing your best to find the right position that won’t limit his movement.  

He grins to himself, delighting in the fact that you remembered something he’s only told you once.

“Yeah.” He clicks over his keyboard, trying to prepare himself for your touch. He takes a deep breath, his eyes fluttering a bit when he feels your palms smooth over his aching back.

He knows it might sound excessive but it really isn’t his fault.

The way you touch him has devasting effects on his ability to think clearly. He knows being in love intensifies things yes but, it’s the way you seem to know his body, the way you seem to treasure him and the way you seem to seek out the areas of his skin that are the most sensitive that drives him up the wall.  

Yoongi has a feeling that you’d be able to touch anyone this way but, he counts every single lucky star in the sky that he’s the one you want to touch.  

“Do you like it so far?” You lower your voice to the precipice of a whisper, not wanting to disturb him too much.

As he readies his reply, you begin gently massaging the parts of his back that you know bother him the most: his shoulder blade, the center of his spine and base of his neck. The close proximity allows you to take in the way your boyfriend smells: like clean laundry and the summer berries. You resist the urge to take a bite out of him as he replies.

“I do but it needs a lot of work still.” He realizes how quick he is to downplay his progress and he amends his response in order to give himself some credit, “I got a lot done today though and I’m excited to see where this track goes.”

His answer makes you happy as it’s not often Yoongi outwardly expresses excitement towards his current projects.  

“Do you like it?” He asks you, keeping his tone casual as he turns down the volume slightly, wanting to hear you clearly.

With a kiss to the back of his neck, you smile, “Honestly? I’m already in love with it. It has such a cool vibe. It’s very old school but also very modern at the same time, the lo-fi elements are sending me. I can’t wait to hear the vocals when you’re done with the lyrics.”

Yoongi grins, his features swimming with pride at your compliments. He is addicted to your praise in normal situations but hearing you compliment what he is most passionate about sends him into another world.

“Thank you.” He mumbles warmly, relaxing further into your touch, “I should be starting on vocals tomorrow I think. I don’t have the second verse done yet, but I think once I have everything recorded, it will give me more inspiration.”

You’re working at the tenderness surrounding his shoulder, not pressing too hard but insuring that your fingers are gently working all of the knots that have formed within his muscles. You wonder if it’s helping him at all but the way he sighs and presses against your hands tells you all you need to know. Before you’re able to continue the conversation, your boyfriend chuckles in front of you, almost in disbelief.

“What?” You prod, smiling at the sound of his laughter.

“Nothing it’s just-” He leans back against his chair fully causing you to remove your hands from him for moment, “if you had told 15 year old me that one day I would be working on my music, in a real studio, while the most beautiful girl in the world rubs my back for me, I would have told you to fuck off and stop messing with me.”

Your smile broadens as you lean forward, draping your arms around the back of the chair and resting them on your boyfriend’s chest. You place a kiss on his temple which makes him smile, his hands coming up to rest on top of yours.

“I wish 15 year old you didn’t have to endure so much but,” You kiss his cheek now, your heart filling with joy as his gums once again make an appearance, “I’m glad you’ve let me prove him wrong.”

He turns slightly, his lips brushing against your whilst he does and rather than say anything, he just places a soft kiss onto your mouth.

Despite the awkward angle, you reciprocate, allowing your lips to melt against his, kissing him slowly but deliberately. He tucks his lips between yours, nibbling gently at your bottom lip, a shaky breath escaping his nose. The hands he placed over yours intertwining messily with your fingers, squeezing softly whilst he cranes his neck to continue kissing you. Freeing one of your hands, you trail your fingers up the side of his throat, eliciting a shiver from your boyfriend as you cup his cheek.

It’s not an ideal angle to start making out but something about his throat and chest being exposed to you, makes it 10 times hotter. The beat of his song is still playing softly in the background until his hand suddenly moves from yours to hit the space bar. He doesn’t stop kissing you all the while, only seeking to deepen the motions between your lips. You allow your fingers to run up the side of his neck again as they tuck themselves into his hair, scratching tenderly at his scalp. Yoongi seems to sigh hopelessly into your mouth, unable to resist how weak you make him.  

You want to feel his tongue but just as you trace yours against the inside of his lips, he pulls away, a bit of shared saliva still connecting the two of you.

“Let’s go to bed...” He whispers shakily and you know very well what he means by that.

Seconds later, your back is pressed against the sheets covering the futon, your boyfriend quickly descending over you, his lips eagerly seeking yours again.  

He resumes his earlier motions with slightly more enthusiasm, sucking and licking into your mouth, his hips pressing down against yours. You can feel how hard he’s gotten, his erection straining painfully against the denim of his jeans. He doesn’t seem to mind though, his focus is on kissing you right now.  

You allow your hands to travel to the hem of his t-shirt, slipping your fingers beneath the material to explore the velvety texture of his skin. Yoongi’s hips and stomach are extremely sensitive, he’s told you before that touching him there is almost immediately going to get him hard. Given the fact that he’s already hard, he has no choice but to twitch around in his jeans while you touch him.  

In order to distract himself from the possibility of cumming in his pants, he pulls away from your lips momentarily to sit back on his knees. He stares down at you with an intensity he only reserves for performing and fucking, which to Yoongi, they are often one in the same. He pulls his t-shirt off hastily, throwing it behind him and revealing the beautiful expanse of his body to you. The sight of him makes you reach up with grabby hands, wanting nothing more than to feel his weight on you again. Instead of coming back down however, he merely smirks and shakes his head.

“Uh uh, it’s your turn...” He murmurs, his voice deep with the heavy arousal weighing on his tongue.  

You pout but otherwise oblige, pulling off the hoodie you’re wearing to reveal the black sports bra you had thrown on before coming to meet him here.  

Its nothing fancy or intentionally erotic but it gets Yoongi going anyway, merely because it’s your body.

He makes a small grunt in the back of his throat as he rushes back with his lips. He begins kissing over the swell of your breasts, biting and sucking as he does, his eyes shutting.

“How are you so fucking beautiful hm? Did they make you in a lab or something?” He accuses in his raspy voice, grinning when he hears you giggle.

“Yes actually they did- I've been meaning to tell you for awhile now but, I wasn’t sure how you’d react...”

He bites down harder on you playfully, sucking the skin between his teeth. The delicious sting causes a sharp intake of breath on your part and the sound makes Yoongi even harder. Licking over the purple mark he made, he pulls back to admire his work. With wet lips and dark eyes he looks up at you, a smirk on his mouth,

“I can see why you like giving me these so much...” He raps, his tongue poking out to lick at his bottom lip, “I want you covered in me now.”

His proclamation makes you sick with lust and you’re quick to pull him back over your completely, capturing his lips in a kiss once more.  

Yoongi is eager to reciprocate, his technique a lot sloppier now as the need to be inside of you slowly over takes him.

With one hand, he finds the button of his jeans and pops it open, sighing in relief as his dick is allowed the room it needs. Your hand is quick to cover his, searching for his swollen length mindlessly, desperate to touch him.

“Can I fuck you?” He whispers, nudging his nose on the tip of yours, “Please?”

You nod, kissing at his lips still, your breath uneven, “Yes please.”

The giggle that leaves your mouth shouldn’t spur him on but it does and after finally riding. both you and him of the rest of your clothes, Yoongi is lining himself at your entrance.  

He pushes inside of you, letting another shaky sigh out of his mouth before covering your body with his once more.  

It’s a slow but powerful fuck, leaving no room for the outside world.  

He kisses your face, your neck, your chest, your breasts and tells you how much he loves you.  

He rubs on your clit when you tell him how close you are, encouraging you to let go.

“Ah there it is- is that good jagi? Is it good? Are you gonna cum for me?” He whispers, his face tensing up with pleasure as you contract around him, “You’re squeezing me so tight, you’re doing so good. Just cum baby, I’ll cum too...I just wanna watch you.”

With choppy breath, you arch your back, your hands clawing at his free arm desperately, clining onto him as your orgasm begins crashing over you.

“Yoongi, I’m gonna cum- fu-fuck, fuck I’m gonna cum...I’m gonna cum, oh god...please don’t stop.” You moan softly and the sweetness in your voice drives Yoongi crazy, his pace against your clit increasing. He stares at you, a small but fucked out smile on his lips,

“Oh I’ll never stop sweetheart, not until you cum those pretty brains out...”

His words send you over the edge, your toes curling against the mattress as you whisper his name once again.  

The sight of you cumming is too much for him and although he normally cums inside of you, your post-orgasm haze has a different plan.

“Cum in my mouth.” You plead, tugging at his hips.

Yoongi swallows thickly, nearly blowing his load right then and there, “Really?”

“Yes.” You urge, tugging his hips again, “Please? I want to taste you. Remember you said you wanted me covered in you- cover me. Cover my face please.”

Yoongi’s brain literally short-circuits as he tries his best to process how fucking hot you’re being, his dick twitching inside of you.

“Anything you want remember baby? I’ll give you anything you want...” He grunts, his black hair sticking to his forehead with sweat as he pulls out of you, both of you pained by the loss of contact. He is quick to scoot up the bed until his soaking dick is positioned near your mouth, “I’m going to cum so fucking hard for you- are you gonna swallow it all?”

You nod, wrapping your hand around the length of him, licking at the slit, tasting the mixture of you and him together.  

“Until my stomach is full of you.” You promise before sucking him into your mouth

Yoongi finally breaks, whimpering for you as he usually does, his body jerking as the pleasure overtakes him,

“Holy fucking shit-” He whimpers again, his eyes rolling back as he gives you rope after rope of his release.

It’s a lot but you don’t care, you want every last drop of him. Your hand coaxes out the rest of his cum, your mind high off the taste of your boyfriend; there really is nothing better than this.

Yoongi tucks his fingers into your hair tenderly, grounding himself but also because he wants to touch you.

“Oh my god look at you ah- that's my fucking girl isn't it? You’re so pretty down there you know that? Made me cum so good.”

His voice is pitchy and fucked out and his praise makes you wet all over again, despite your need for a break.  

Immediately Yoongi leans down, kissing you with everything he has, licking at your mouth as if he wants a taste of himself.  

The kissing lasts for another minute or so before Yoongi lays down beside you, pulling you onto his chest.  

You burrow into him, soothing yourself with his unsteady heartbeat as he holds you.

Yoongi smiles down at you, despite the fact that you aren’t looking at him, taking a moment to thank all of his lucky stars once again.

You place a kiss to his chest before turning to look at him, rubbing a thumb over his reddened cheek, “I love you.”

He kisses your thumb, “I love you too.”  

[nctzanne]

Bisexual

[Smut, a tiny bit of fluff]

• Ten x Reader (fm)

requests closed ♡

-You are gay, aren’t you? I mean, by the way you look at Johnny, it’s pretty obvious- You speak nonchalant, fixing your eyes on the random yaoi movie you both are watching.

-I prefer calling myself bisexual- Ten answers with no amusement- I still don’t know how it’s to have sex with a girl-

-That’s why i thought you were gay- He laughs under his breath. You turn your sight to him, just to admire his delicate face traits. Indeed, Johnny was lucky.

Being friends with Ten was something... peculiar. He is a mystery, in every possible way. When you think you know him, suddenly he appears with a personality totally different from what he chose to show you. In those 5 years of knowing eachother, Ten always had something new to uncover about him, making you feel refreshed. There was no way you could be bored with him, everything felt new, funny, dangerous. He helped you to skip your first class, to get an A on maths, how to get drunk without puking, and how to freestyle dance. You just don’t imagine your life without him.

And now, that you both live together, everything got even better. Nights reading tarot cards, laughing at some Tik Toks, and even you both escaped to make a friendship tattoo: A little butterfly under your boob and under his chest. 

Some people would say that you both look like a couple, but there is no way Ten have ever felt that way with you. Oh, but if you talk about your personal feelings...

-Uhm, __, do i have something in my face or..?- Ten whispers so suddenly you snap out of your thoughts. One side of his face is iluminated by the different colors of the sunset that it’s occuring outside your balcony window. He looks so pretty like this, how can he even be real?

-Yeah, some uglyness over there- You try to play it cool, throwing a pillow towards him, positioning it on his lap so you can rest a bit over your heavy thoughts.

He doesn’t seem to complain, and starts playing with your hair. It feels so nice to be around him, he is your comfy zone, your safe space.

-I really want to know- he mumbles.

You freeze.

-Know? What do you wanna know?- For some reason, you don’t want to look at him.

-How it’s to have sex with a woman- he sounds so damn secure about himself, like those words didn’t afect you at all. But he’s wrong, your heart speeds up a little bit, trying to figure out where this conversation was heading to. No, there is no possible way that...

-I’ve been thinking about this a long time ago, you know- his voice goes deeper this time- I know so much about sex with men, but so little with girls. I really want to try how I develop during the act- What the fuck is he talking about?

-Ten, what the f...- he grabs you by your back so you sit up and face him. You are only centimeters away from your nose to rub his.

-I want to know... ___, please let me find out- he almost sound like begging. You hold your breath trying to conect the last neurons that are functioning so you convince yourself that you are not dreaming. You can’t help but look at his lips,just waiting for his sign...

There is no movement at all, not his, not yours. The only thing you can hear is your own heartbeat buzzing on your ears, his warm hands on the sides of your cheeks, his eyes piercing your thoughts.

-Just kiss me already- Your voice trembles, almost like if you are unsure. Actually, you are, there is no way this could end in a good way.

But all of that fades away when he connects his lips with yours. For a few seconds, it’s only that, just your lips touching. But it’s enough to make your mind go fuzzy, fireworks erupting on your lower belly, feeling like this moment should’ve happened so many years ago. When you interwined your fingers while walking on the park, or when he comforted you when you broke up with Kun. But no matter how awkward this moment was, it is everything you needed.

You don’t know how longer it takes for you to experimentally open your mouth a little bit, just to lick his lower lip, tasting the waters. He moves away quickly, leaving your mouth hanging open. You think you messed something up, but before you can apologize about taking things too fast he grabs you violently by the nape of your head, so he can start to kiss you messily.

Everything is tongue, saliva and teeth. There is no control, at all. His tongue works majestically inside your wet cavity, exploring every inch of it, like he was marking your mouth as his. You let him lead everything, you just melt under his ministrations, trying to fight his tongue only to earn a deep growl from his throat. 

He grabs your hips giving you a sign to sit on his lap and you do, gasping as soon as you feel his hard clothed member against you. He janks your hair just to have your neck fully display to him, so he can start marking you up. It first starts as tongue kisses, but slowly he sucks mercyless every inch of your neck and collarbones.

-Ten, i have dance classes tomorrow- you try to stay as rational as posible, running your fingers through his dark black locks- Dont mark me up-

He looks up to you, mouth full of saliva, eyes glistening -You are acting as if you aren't mine-

It felt like somebody totally different from Ten was talking to you now. When you said that he always had something new about himself to show, you weren't kidding. His voice was always sweet as a candy cane, but now you can swear he can cut a rock with a whisper. You shiver, not knowing what its going to happen at all.

-My dear pup- what... is that... a nickname? A pool starts to grow on your panties, and you are afraid you will wet his jeans as well- Do you think i don't know how i make you feel only by looking at you? By touching you?- he lays back on the sofa where you both at, just so he can admire your fucked up state, he is loving how wrecked you are by him- Why do you think i dont fuck any other girls, huh? Because I know how to drive you insane, i know how you masturbate with your filthy vibrator everynight you see me without a t-shirt, wishing that pleasure was given by me- your mouth opens in surprise, and you suddenly want to be swallowed by the couch and just disappear. It seems that he notices- The only girl i want to pleasure my whole life is you, because you are the only one who can make me feel this- he grabs your wrist so your hand touches his dick over his pants.

You are absolutely clueless of everything. So many things happening so fast. He heard you masturbating? He masturbates himself thinking about you? Is it now even the time to wonder about those things?

Almost on queue, he kisses your lips softly, caressing your hair -Let me make you feel good, pup. I want to try everything with you, only you-

A loud moan breaks the ice between you two. You look at eachother trying to figure out where the sound is coming, until you both face the TV. Right, the Yaoi movie. The scene is so fucking explicit you couldn't help by sigh, and that doesn't slip out of Ten.

-You like watching that, don't you?- he turns you around, so now that your back is pressed against his chest. He opens up your legs and in a blink of an eye has his hands roaming the waistband of your pajama pants. -You are so filthy, what if that was me and Johnny? Would you rather watch that?- you moan not only because of the scene you just imagine, but also that his fingers start to ghost against your wet folds- Or do you prefer me fucking you, making a mess out of you?- he teases you, rubbing gently but never putting enough pressure, he only rubs your pussy lips.

You open up your legs in desesperate attempt to make him touch you more, but he just takes his time. You are not watching the movie at all, your mind wandering about all the things you can try with him.

Finally, his index finger rubs your clit slowly in a up and down motion. You hate the fact that you are too vocal when it comes to sex, but it seems that for him it tastes like glory. Using two fingers now, he decides to rub your now hard and too sensitive nub in different ways, but when he starts to do it in circles is when you close your eyes and moan his name loudly.

-Okay, that's how you like it then- and you dont notice when he starts to pick up his pace. You are so close, so damn close due to all the dirty talking, but you don't want it to end.

-Ten please, i don't want to cum yet- you rest the back of your head on his shoulder, eyes rolling back. You can hear the sounds that come down from your wetness, and it seems that he tries in all best ways possible to make those sounds louder and louder.

-Who says you have permission to cum anyways, pup?- he whispers in your ear. His eyes are fixed in how his fingers are working on you, at the same time he is listening carefully how his name slips out of your tongue everytime he slows down. 

-Ten ‘m so close, please- You don’t know what are you begging for. Your legs tremble trying to hold your orgasm but you feel like you are going to explode.

-I love when you call me by my nickname, but sometimes i think you forget about my real name- He stops his actions, making you groan in disapproval, but he hush you while introducing his fingers on your mouth. You don’t want to admit it, but you truly love your own taste. 

You suck clean his fingers, swirling your tongue around them, while trying to look at him in the eyes, though it was kinda difficult due to the position he is. He bites his lips, humming in agreement, he likes what you are doing.

-I want to hear how you scream my name while i make you cum- He starts to rub your clit again, but 10x faster. He looks like an expert rubbing you, it feels so damn good, it’s impossible that he is a “girl virgin”.- Say it-

-Chittaphon...- You feel so embarrased, and don’t know why, but you choose to let go and get consumed by pleasure. You feel it, that tight knot begging for release, your hands holding on dear life by his arm muscles, hearing his grunts on your left ear, even the year of his piercings on your cheek makes you burn and get closer and closer.

-Chittaphon im cumming- you warn him with voice cracked, you can’t hold it any longer. 

-That’s it pup, let go, cum for me- He whispers and licks your earlobe. And that’s all that takes for you to disappear from earth, being sucked in by the orgasm that is washing you. You chant his name over and over again, your inner walls clenching around nothing, the climax seems to last for hours. You feel your clit throbbing, thighs full of your own liquids, and you black out.

-____, baby, it’s okay- He hears that you are whimpering, destroyed by pleasure.- Don’t move, let me clean you up- 

In a matter of minutes, you start to get conscious, eyelashes batting fast trying to recognize where you are. The aroma of Ten invades you and suddenly you feel calm, you are in his bed, covered, with a white t-shirt and nothing else below that. He is laying besides you, hugging you by your waist, caressing your skin with his thumb.

-Hey, you woke up. I was worried, i thought i knocked you out or something- He smiles, clearly proud of the mess he just made. You slap his shoulder, letting a little laugh slip out of your mouth.

-Sorry-

-About what?-

-I just passed out... i didn’t even suck you off- You legit feel embarassed.

-Ah, ____, i wanted it this way. It was perfect, trust me- He pecks your lips, worried that maybe you won’t believe him- This is what i asked for-

You feel your heart full. Of blood maybe, but it’s a metaphor to explain how complete this man makes you.

-So, are you bisexual or not- You try to change the subject, laying on your side so you can face him. You still don’t get used to the idea that probably, probably you both like eachother. He laughs outloud, with his perfect teeth on display, and then he bites his lip.

-Im ___sexual, for sure-

You don’t know what it’s going to happen before this. But that’s Ten’s essence, he is a complete mystery. And that’s why you are madly in love with him.

[peaches-writes]

tumbles and turns

description: a month in the life of you and your college roommate, minho—except you’re from rival universities preparing for an intercollegiate cheerdance competition member: minho / lee know genre: fluff, sports au (off-season universe), college au, roommates au, slice of life, friends to lovers au word count: 7.9k warning: explicit language, mentions of food, injuries, & harassment; a very jealous and protective minho notes: ah yes another sports au about a sport i’m not well-versed in that ended up not making sense + anw whatever danceracha pep squad agenda 💅

week 1 of 4

Minho finally releases the laugh he’s been holding for the past ten minutes, shaking his head in disbelief before hopping off of the edge of the sink where he’s been quietly judging you. “Seriously,” He smirks teasingly, expertly dodging your disapproving frown and your attempt at smacking his arm as he stands between you and the mirror then takes the comb from your hands. “You look fine—kind of wonky, actually, but you’ll live.”

“Ya!” You huff with a light stomp of your foot on the bathroom tiles, reaching up for the blue comb to no avail for he immediately lifts it high above his head. “Give me the comb!”

“Why don’t you dry your hair first before worrying about how you look?” He suggests with another laugh, leaning back on the sink when you start jumping over him for the comb. “It looks weirder when you try combing it down while it’s still wet.”

You groan when he starts taunting you by waving the comb in his hands, eventually giving up to stand back and cross your arms in annoyance. “I’m so—I just feel so iffy about this haircut, that’s all!”

“Well, that’s pep squad for you—but you already know that.” He shrugs, finally putting the comb down behind him in exchange for the orange towel you abandoned a while back to obsessively comb down your bangs. “Anyway, the bangs are the least of your worries. Aren’t you guys dyeing your hair on Friday?”

“Yeah,” You sigh in frustration, lifting a hand up to rub your temple. “Our costumes department is insane, I’m telling you.”

“Try our costumes department.” Minho retorts, throwing the towel over your damp hair after. “Though we’re doing a Michael Jackson-inspired routine, the costumes still need to have our school colors. Imagine all the black and gold and the make-up we’ll have to do for one part—“

You manage to crack a smile at this as you now busy yourself with drying your hair, making Minho chuckle in front of you as well. “Ah, right. Isn’t Felix volunteering for your costumes this year, though? Why don’t you approach him if you’re so bothered?”

“Then you’ll have to see Jeongin for your hair.” He points out.

“Jeongin? Right, nevermind, then. The kid’s scary when he’s in his element.” You huff, your hand on your temple then going up to your bangs. “I’ll just have to live with this for the next 1.5 years at most, I guess.”

“Then that’s settled.” Minho shrugs for the second time, tsking after once he notices your slow pace. Taking a step forward, you then catch a glimpse of Minho picking up your hair dryer from the other side of the sink counter from the corner of your eye before plugging it on the nearest wall socket. “You’re so slow! We’re watching a movie, remember? I don’t want water dripping on the couch.”

Swiftly, you elbow his stomach when he moves to your side. “Well, I’ll have to let you know that hair doesn’t dry that quickly when you’ve bleached it twice.”

“You could’ve been a little quicker about it if you weren’t so focused on your bangs.” He scolds, carding his fingers through your hair before pointing the noisy hairdryer on you and starting with your newly-cut bangs. “What even is the reason behind the red hair, anyway?”

“It’s our school colors, dumbass.” You remind him with a scoff, removing the towel on top of your head and moving it to the opposite side of where Minho is currently working. “Naeun actually managed to find a supplier with the exact same shade of red our school uses, it’s kind of cool.”

“Not like anyone would recognize it on compet.” Minho pouts. “Green would’ve been funnier. Isn’t that your other school color?”

“Excuse you, we have one of the biggest crowds every year? Plus, green would look too wacky. It could be distracting with our theme.”

“As if people from your school go around recognizing that specific shade of red.”

“I’m going to fucking hit you with this towel.” You glower, only making him laugh as he nonchalantly guides you by your shoulders to move closer to the hairdryer’s socket. “Let’s just see who’s going to be laughing when I see you in costume on compet.”

“Please, I’ll rock the outfit so much you’ll forget you even said that.” Your roommate rolls his eyes, turning you around so he can work on the back of your head. “What will you be wearing, by the way?”

Minho steals a glance at you from the mirror, raising his eyebrows slightly, and you answer, “Still the same but in black and a new design.”

“So...top and tights?” He asks and you nod eagerly, your hair almost slipping right through his fingertips.

“You’ll love the designs.” You muse, picking up the blue comb once again to use on the dried parts of your head. ”Naeun designed them really well!” 

“A bit of a basic choice for your second to last college competition, don’t you think?” He teases, making you reach up behind you to smack his arm. “Didn’t you guys do the same thing but in navy last year?”

“Call it basic again when I take it home, I dare you.” You retort before chuckling along with him. “Are you done?”

“Almost there.” He answers automatically, slowly inching along to your other side while gently moving you closer to the wall socket and turning you around to face the opposite wall by your shoulders. “Your hair’s so hard to dry.”

“I didn’t even ask for your help.” You point out. “You just barged in here to clown my bangs.”

“Yeah, then I realized that that’s what’s taking you so long that we can’t watch our Sunday movie.” Minho huffs, finally reaching your other side to dry the last strands of your hair. “I’m being a good Samaritan for once, you should at least say thank you.”

You giggle, nodding teasingly. “Right, right. Thank you, Minhooo!” You tease, knowing very well in your almost 5 years of living with him how rare these moments indeed are. “So...done?”

After a long pause, Minho turns the hairdryer off and takes out the plug from the wall socket behind you before taking a step back away from you. “Yup, done.” He affirms, running his index finger through your bangs horizontally once with a giggle. “Your bangs are so funny.”

You frown at him, smacking his arm for the third time tonight before turning around to tidy up everything you’ve used. “I hate you.”

But your roommate only pats your head in response before taking another step back and heading to the bathroom door. “I’ll set up the movie now!” He says as he walks away, glancing back at you with a smile before crossing the other side of the open door. “Hurry up, okay?!”

-

“Take the hoodie down! Take the hoodie down!” Jisung and Minho mischievously chant by your shoe racks at the entrance once you arrive home from training at the end of the week. The two hold Soonie and Doongie respectively in front of them for emphasis, lifting the cats up and down as if they were holding banners to a sports game. “Take the hoodie down! Take the hoodie down!” 

You only roll your eyes at the two as you discard your shoes properly next to them, patting Soonie and Doongie’s heads affectionately then smacking the side of Minho’s head. “Move out of the way, losers.” You command instead with a wave of your hand and a tired giggle, the two laughing along and obligingly stepping aside for you to hang your gym bag up on the metal hooks right behind them. “And Jisung, why are you still here? It’s 9 PM.” 

“We’re finishing our game tonight and I wanted to see your new hair!” He answers in his defense, putting Soonie down when Minho does with Doongie. “Now, take the hoodie down! Take the hoodie down!” 

Taking out your plastic bag of used clothes and empty tumbler out of your gym bag after, you sigh in defeat and remove your hoodie. “Fine, fine, fine, there.”

Your roommate and his best friend both erupt in whistles and cheers at your bright red hair in response. 

“Oh damn!” Jisung exclaims more dramatically and pats your shoulders in approval, ruffling your hair after. By your socked feet, Soonie meows enthusiastically as he tries climbing up your leg.  “Look, even Soonie likes it!” 

A small step behind the younger boy, you see your roommate with a much cooler reaction, smirking at you and mouthing, “Pretty,” with a wink before vocally adding, “It’s not so bad,” when Jisung then turns to him and asks him what he thinks. “Y/N’s had far worse hairstyles before.” 

“I’m going to shove my clothes down your throat.” You threaten him with a chuckle, holding your bundle of used clothes higher as if you were going to throw it towards him. “Anyway, you’ve seen my hair now so let me through, I still have to sort these out and wash up.”

"You have dinner on the table, too, so eat before you go to bed.” Minho adds, pointing to the open doorway down the hall leading to your kitchen. 

“Did you cook?” 

“Take-out.” Minho answers plainly before gesturing for the three of you to move to the living room. You and Jisung follow him down the hallway. “Pizza and wings.”

Meanwhile, Jisung pouts at you as he links his arms with yours. “Ya, Y/N, you’re not going to watch our stream?” 

“Maybe some other time.” You frown, your tiredness slowly coming back now that your friends have naturally stopped joking around. “I’m really sleepy.” 

“Practice was that harsh?” Jisung asks next, stopping you right in the middle of the living room before you could proceed further to the left of the hallway to your room. Minho, on the other hand, walks ahead of you and proceeds to plop down on the sofa to set up their game once again. “Jeongin told me you’re changing the choreography a bit.” 

“Seungkwan injured his foot really bad so we’re adjusting for alternatives in case he doesn’t recover in time.” You nod sadly, scratching your head in frustration. “And he’s my one of my bases for most stunts, including the exhibition, so I’m making the most adjustments.”

“Oh,” Jisung muses in realization, pausing a bit before another smile graces his features as he then lifts your hoodie back up to your head. “we should play quietly, then, right Minho?” 

Minho only nods at this without even sparing a glance back at you. 

“Yup, we’ll try to be quiet!” Jisung promises again, his grin growing bigger. “Sleep well, then, Y/N!” 

“Hm, thanks, goodnight to you, I guess.” You greet him back, looking over his shoulder to see Minho glancing back up at you. “Goodnight Minho.” 

Your roommate sweetly waves goodnight to you before turning mischievous by snickering and pointing at your red hair again. You roll your eyes and quietly threaten him with your clothes again in response before bidding him and Jisung another goodnight, proceeding to your room after. 

Surprisingly, the two rowdy boys kept to their word after you’ve finished dinner and mostly whispered yelled through the walls of the living room for the rest of the night, mostly Minho scolding Jisung for cursing at their game and reminding him to quiet down for you. 

week 2 of 4

You come home from Thursday practice two hours later than usual and completely drained, trudging down the entrance hallway of your shared apartment to the rustling of your used clothes and the obnoxious empty noises of your tumbler that quickly alerts Minho and his three cats of your presence. Excitedly greeting you from the kitchen area, Minho looks up at you from feeding Soonie, Doongie, and Dori under your dining table and waves at you, his smile immediately faltering into a confused one when he sees your frown. “Hey. Are you okay? Why are you late?” He points out with a nervous chuckle. “You could’ve just called me to pick you up.” 

You don’t answer, opting instead to tiredly settle on the seat nearest to his side and resting your arms and head down on the table, missing the dinner set Minho prepared for you by a hair as you do so. “I missed the first bus home because I was distracted from being so pissed off at this newbie being a creep during practice.” You scoff as nonchalantly as you can. “It’s okay now, tho—”

“What?!” Before you could even finish your sentence, however, Minho surprisingly leaves his cats’ side, moving over to sit next to you to the side where your head is limply tilted. “Who’s this guy? What did they do?”

You shift uncomfortably in your seat at the sudden rise in Minho’s tone and then see him instinctively scooting away in response, an attempt to give you space in case you’re uncomfortable. “Do you remember Park Joon? The guy I’ve told you before who’s been hitting on me and some of my teammates since he got in the team?” You start off after and you see your roommate following you along again, this time propping an elbow up on the table and nodding along. You also see him open his mouth to speak before closing it again, gesturing for you to continue. “Coach picked him to be Seungkwan’s replacement for the stunts and we practiced our choreography for exhibition today after team practice.

“It was fine, at first, he adjusted quickly to filling in for Seungkwan and all—until in one of our final stunts, he started groping me inappropriately that my other teammates had to stop immediately once they noticed and told our coach about it.”  

"What?! What the fuck?!” Minho reacts with furrowed eyebrows and a scowl on his face. Sitting up properly now, he then worriedly asks, “W-What did—what did Coach Im do?” 

You sigh, lifting up your head up after as you tiredly prop your own elbow up to mirror him. “Coach was furious that she immediately had him kicked out of practice without even hearing his side.“ You answer shakily, carding your fingers through your hair. “She also said that she’ll report him to admin after so we won’t be hearing about the guy until graduation...” 

In front of you, Minho releases a breath you didn’t even notice he’s been holding as you speak, cautiously moving his chair towards you again and patting your back comfortingly. “That’s...fuck, I’m sorry you had to go through that...I’m glad Coach Im kicked him out after. Fuck...” He mirrors your frown, albeit sadder than your frustrated one. “Are you—I mean, do you want me to get you something? Do you need anything? I—”

“I’m fine, Minho, just annoyed now that we have to adjust everything again.” You huff, your voice shaking just slightly that Minho almost misses it. 

“The choreography’s the least of your worries now, that fucking creep just harassed you.” Minho points out softly and cautiously, meeting your eyes before hesitantly stroking your hair. “I swear, if I was there, I would’ve—”

You shake your head immediately, cutting him off with what you could muster up as an assuring smile. “Seriously...it’s fine. I’m fine—still a bit shaken but I’m kind of comforted that he got kicked out for it and that Jeongin and the others stood up for me.” You add with more conviction now because of Minho’s words. “Please don’t do anything stupid about this for me. I’m so over it right now, trust me.”

“Really? You promise?” He asks you to which you nod back in response. “Well, if you say so but—do you need anything else right now or later? I can commute with you again if you want me to or something...”

You shake your head at his last offer. “No, no, that’s really too much of a hassle for you. It’s fine. To be honest, I just want to sleep and not think about it anymore right now.” You pout after, scooting your chair closer to the meal you’ve accidentally forgotten throughout this whole conversation. “Thank you for listening and worrying, though, Minho. I really appreciate it.” 

Your roommate opens his mouth again to retort but is suddenly interrupted by Dori brushing up against your legs and purring at you. “What’s that Dori?” Your roommate asks the cat in his usual pouting tone instead, lifting the cat up and placing it on his lap. Dori, however, only fixes his gaze on you and purrs again. “Hm? You want to go to Y/N and make them feel better? Okay, okay.”

He then carefully sets the cat on your lap, standing up after to affectionately stroke your hair again. “If that’s all then eat first before you wash up and go to bed.” He then returns to his original thought before going back to the other two cats. “And do tell me if you need anything, okay?” 

“I will.” You muster up another smile to which Minho returns with a smile of his own. “Thanks again, Minho.” 

He only hums, briefly leaning forward as if to encase you in a hug before hesitating last minute and turning his attention back to his cats. “Eat your food.” 

The next day, Minho surprises you by waking up earlier and following you all the way to the bus stop with his own gym bag and backpack. 

“It’s Friday.” You point out as your bus approaches. 

He nods nonchalantly, turning to you with a smile. “Yeah, I can tell. The cafe across the street’s selling mint frappe until 10 AM.”

“No, I mean,” You shake your head. “isn’t your first class at 2 PM today?”

“Yeah?” He answers in a tone that pretends to be oblivious of where you’re taking this conversation.

“Then why are you all dressed up with your things?” At this the bus approaches, opening right in front of you and Minho. Before you could even step in the public vehicle, Minho beats you to it and takes your hand in his, pulling you along. 

“I’m meeting up with Jisung to study.” He answers belatedly to you as he swipes his bus card, stepping aside after for you to follow. 

“Bullshit.” You mumble under your breath, mirroring his actions anyway and following him to the seats right behind the driver as the bus roars back to life. “You’re in different programs, Minho.”

“You could just say ‘thank you’ and get it over with“ He teases, nudging your shoulder with his before smoothly slinging an arm over you. “And I really am meeting up with Jisung today, just after his 10 AM. He’s taking a science elective this semester and he needs help with it.”

You tilt your head towards him, seeing his anticipating expression. With an amused chuckle, you give him a side hug instead, burying your face in the material of his black hoodie and catching him off-guard. “Thank you.” 

He hugs you back with a laugh. 

-

“I know what will make you feel better!” Your roommate announces as he barges in your room unannounced the following Saturday afternoon, plopping down at the foot of your bed as you work on your term papers on the other side. “Well, at least, Chan does since he was technically the one who suggested it.”

“I feel fine, though? What are you talking about?” You raise an eyebrow at him, stealing glances over to him as you continue working.

Minho comically rolls closer to you, propping an elbow up on the mattress to stop and showing you his phone displaying his chat history with Chan. “Are you sure? Like well enough that you won’t even be bothered that Chan got us tickets to see the Hyunjin’s final game next Sunday?” He wiggles his eyebrows teasingly, snickering when your eyes widen. 

Immediately, your fingers stop typing away on your keyboard and you look up at him in purse shock. “What?!” You exclaim in disbelief, leaning closer to his phone screen and squinting your eyes at the chain of messages exchanged between your two friends. “Seriously? Didn’t this game get sold out weeks ago?”

“Yeah but, you know, Chan has his socializing ways.” Your roommate shrugs, taking his phone back to his side to clasp his hands together. “So? What do we think?”

“Um, yeah, of course, let’s go!” You answer matter-of-factly, taking his phone and typing in your reply for emphasis. “I mean, you are taking me, right? This isn’t a joke?”

“Only if I can take the other ticket.” He winks, lifting his upper body higher from the mattress to rest his chin on top of your laptop screen. “So, yes?” 

You nod enthusiastically with a giggle, making Minho jump up into a sit in joy. 

“Clear your schedule for next Sunday, Y/N! We’re watching the finals!” 

week 3 of 4

Coach Im distributes your finished costumes on your first practice of the week after her final reminders and announcements and you make sure to contain your excitement as best as you can on your commute home until after you’ve finished dinner in order to open it with an equally excited Minho. 

Eagerly, your roommate now peers over your shoulder on the sofa after having hurriedly washed the dishes, holding Dori up to his chest as he does so.

“See? It’s so pretty!” You exclaim once you’ve taken everything out of the plastic wrapping, holding up your black fitted cropped top, lined with a complex geometric pattern in colors inspired by the pride flag, for your roommate and all of his three cats to see. “It came out really well!”

Minho nods in approval at the black spandex while Dori unconsciously mirrors him when you turn to the two. “The printing didn’t fuck up Naeun’s design on the first print for once.” He muses, making you chuckle. “It looks cool.” 

“They took it to a different printing shop this time.” You clarify, laying down the top right next to a sleeping Doongie on the nearby coffee table before taking out the bottoms. “This material’s really nice, too. I tried it on with everyone a while back and the stretch is really nice.”

“I take that as I’ll see this costume being used in the gym after, then?” Minho jokes, earning him a jab on the elbow when he puts Dori down after. “What? So, pajamas?”

“You didn’t have to call me out like that!” You protest, leaning back on the couch and placing a passing Soonie on your lap. “I really like this costume.”

“Because you say that with all of your costumes!” Minho retorts, hovering Dori over your costume when the cat starts purring and tilting its head towards it.

“I happen to love everything my friends design.” You correct, chuckling at Dori who’s now escaped Minho’s grasp to sniff and snuggle into your clothes. “Now, when is that black and red vest coming in again?”

“It came today too but I won’t show it to you.” Your roommate sticks his tongue out at you, earning him a string of protests from you. “You’ll just have to see on compet day!” 

“What? No! Unfair!” You pout. 

“You’ll just have to see next week!” He insists anyway, laughing at your furrowed eyebrows and scowl. “I don’t want you getting too distracted with me when you should be focusing on memorizing your choreography, you scatterbrain.” 

“Ya! Ugh, you’re so full of yourself!” 

You find his vest in the laundry the following day, anyways, when you needed to retrieve one of your shirts from your laundry area. You make sure to tease him about it with a photo of you holding up his vest after and sending it to him through private chat. 

“Ah, so mean!” He replies. 

-

“Let’s go Hwang Hyunjin, kick some ass!” You yell as loud as you can in your seat amidst all the cheers for your friend echoing around the arena. Next to you, Minho laughs through his drink at your enthusiasm, your initial awkwardness at sitting on his university’s side of the audience for this volleyball game clearly gone now as you wildly wave your green balloon. “Wooh, go Hyunjin!” 

“God, what would our friends from your uni say when they see you cheering for our team?” He chuckles once you’ve calmed down, adjusting your white hat as you settle back comfortably in your seat once again. 

You roll your eyes at him, picking your Cola up from your respective cup holder and taking a sip. “Shut up, it’s not like I’m alone here.” You retort after, pointing at Changbin who’s with Jisung at the other end of the row. “Even Yeji’s somewhere in the crowd, too, supporting her cousin.” 

“Still, it’s not everyday you’re on this side.” He argues back, scrunching up his face again when you get momentarily distracted by Hyunjin scoring another point for his team. “Ah, you’re so hyped today! How come you never cheer like this for me?” 

“Because we’re in the same sport, Minho.” You laugh this time, catching his fake pout from the corner of your eye. “Besides, I cheer for you, too, just in a different way—woah, did you see that?! Woah, as expected of Choi Bomin!”   

Minho couldn’t say anything else to you after as you easily become occupied by the heated game again, cheering mostly for Hyunjin and occasionally Sanha who’s on the opposing team. He patiently waits for you to turn your attention back to him anyway, which only takes 3 points on his university and 4 points on Sanha’s. “Why? So, I can’t ask you to wear my school’s shirt and things like that if ever?” He asks cheekily once he’s gotten your attention again. 

You scoff against the heat rising up your neck. “W-What? Why? Are you giving them to me as pajamas?” 

He shakes his head, chuckling. “No, I mean, while on compet.” He clarifies before gesturing over to his shirt you borrowed from him today with another pout. “It’s just that you borrowed my shirt to cheer on Hyunjin today. Can’t you do that next week for me too?” 

You glance back at him incredulously, making him chuckle nervously. “If I want Jeongin to chop my head off and Seungmin to call me a traitor until awarding, then I might.” You scoff playfully, deepening his pout and puppy eyes. “Don’t pull that look on me! Where is this even coming from all of a sudden?” 

“I just thought about it.” He shrugs, warming your face even more. “Can’t you really do it? I’ll even wear your shirt if I have to.”

“Ah, just say you think I look cute in your shirt and go.” You roll your eyes jokingly, your seemingly nonchalant disposition slowly crumbling down in front of him anyway. “Minho, your secret crush on me is kind of showing, you might have to watch out for yourself on that, ha.” 

“So? What about it?” He mumbles under his breath, catching you off-guard without him meaning to. 

“What?” Your eyes widen curiously. 

“What?” He repeats, mirroring your expression in feigned innocence before his eyes slowly flit back to the game. “Oh hey, we scored again!” 

“Lee Minho!” 

“What?!” He chuckles, avoiding your gaze now as you suddenly switch roles with him cheering loudly for his university. “Go Hwang Hyunjin!” 

One of your university shirts doesn’t come back to you from the laundry after that. 

week 4 of 4 

On the Saturday night before the competition, you skip your traditional sleepaway camp and senior send-off with your team to have a sleepover in your apartment living room with your roommate, setting up sleeping bags on the floor next to Soonie, Doongie, and Dori’s beds and queueing up old competition videos on your television. Minho, on the other hand, re-heats all of the remaining leftovers in your refrigerator and buys extra side dishes and drinks from the convenience store on the first floor of your building for dinner. 

“What should we watch first?” You ask once you’ve finished eating and washing the dishes, the TV’s remote on your right hand while the other massages Dori’s head as the grey cat circles your feet. “Hm, Dori? What video do you want to dance to first?” 

Minho then re-emerges from the kitchen, stretching his limbs as he approaches you before snatching the remote and answering for Dori, “I have just the video in mind!” 

“Ya!” You glare at him, reaching up to retrieve the remote again but, as he always does, Minho immediately raises the device above his head as he scrolls down the folder of videos on the TV. “If you’re thinking about that vid, I’m going to—“

But Minho only laughs at you, quickly scrolling down the videos anyway against your attempts of stopping him until he finds your very first cheer dance routine at the bottom of the folder. “Here, found it!” He chuckles in victory after a struggle, throwing the remote on the side and pulling you close to the first part of the paired dance that serves as the choreography’s intro. “Let’s dance!”

“Nooo!” You protest, turning your eyes away from the screen as you see yourself in your Freshman year, dancing to a Jungle-themed routine, while Minho only cackles in your misery, following the steps precisely as he spins and twirls you on time before letting go.

“No, you have to do it with me!” He insists as the choreography now forces him to part with you, his gaze alternating between you and the screen. “Come on, Y/N!”

You groan under his anticipating gaze, following him and the video along after a pause in utter defeat.

“Why are you so embarrassed about this routine? You looked cute here!” He points out as you now do the group jumps, easily finding you in the video since you’re often at the center. “Besides the teased hair and the amount of black eyeshadow on your make-up, of cour—“

“I tripped the most on this routine!” You remind him just as you do trip on the way to being lifted in the video. “See?”

“You were a 1st year then, that’s totally understandable.” He dismisses anyway with a wave of his hand, the two of you stopping to watch the first sequence of lifts. “You remember when I almost fucked up my solo on the same compet because I couldn’t remember the steps towards the end?”

“Yeah but you improvised—“

“And Coach Kim made sure to have me sit out the Nationals after.” Minho rolls his eyes. The two of you then go back to dancing, laughing along to the steps you find silly and scaring your three cats by pretending to lift your hands up as if preparing to do tumbles. “Point is, we’re much better cheer dancers now than before! Look, this routine’s even easier to follow now than when you were practicing this with me 4 years ago.”

“If you put it that way, then, I guess...” You muse out loud until another thought crosses your mind. “We should play that video of yours next, then! That was the exhibition, right?”

“Fine, fine.” He sighs teasingly. “but first let’s finish this! Ah, 6 minutes is so long when it’s so focused so much on dancing!”

You then spend the rest of the night dancing to your shared old competition videos until you eventually felt sleepy (and the old couple living right under your unit started banging on the floor, their ceiling, with an umbrella).

“Kids, whatever canoodling it is you’re doing, you need to stop, it’s 2 AM!” Mr. Lee yells from his window right below yours as you and Minho fall on your sleeping bags tiredly, making the two of you laugh.

“Who even uses the word ‘canoodling’ these days?” You scoff in between uncontrollable fits of giggles, rolling over to your stomach and lazily crawling over to your pillow. “And they think we’re doing something weird again! Mr. and Mrs. Lee are sweet and all but sometimes, their minds...”

Next to you, Minho clutches his stomach as he laughs. “Why?” He smirks playfully, sitting up and scooting over to his own sleeping bag. “They’re just being old people. Does it bother you that much? Do you actually want to do something weird with me?”

You scrunch your nose in disgust up at him hovering over you, pushing him away when he tries tickling your sides. “Ew, Minho! No, get away from me!”

A few hours later, you ended up having to deal with Minho sprawled all over your sleeping area and refusing to wake up at exactly 9 AM to prepare and head out of the apartment.

“Minho.” You call his name firmly, poking his arm draped over your waist. “Come on, you big baby, or the cats are gonna eat you for breakfast.”

“Nooo, 5 more minutes.” He whines tiredly, unconsciously snuggling up to your neck when Doongie and Soonie pass by his face, slapping their tails across his cheeks. “I’m so tired from last night.”

“I told you not to put on that video of yours from last season.” You scold, finally managing to lift his hand and kick his leg away from you. “Whatever, I’m feeding the cats. You get up and cook breakfast, okay?”

“In a bit.” He waves you off, rolling over to his stomach and grabbing the nearest cat, in his case Doongie.

-

Minho was right in that he really works his team’s outfit even when he’s not fully fond of it, you realize six hours later when you meet again at the competition’s venue and see him for the first time in his full gold top, black slacks, and shoes. He winks at you from across the room as you untie the knots of your purple, red, and yellow pom poms, gesturing to his outfit after and mouthing, “Like it?”

You wordlessly flash him a thumbs up in approval before showing him his shirt you’re wearing over your costume as he made you promise over breakfast, making him giggle over the hand fan he holds up to his face before focusing back on his conversation with Chan who’s filming an interview with him and the other captains of the participating teams as a courtside reporter.

Seungmin, preparing for his own pre-competition interview on the side, then takes the latter as his cue to sit next to you on the benches. “Minho scares me.”

“Minho always scares you.” You chuckle, elbowing his side and sparing him a quick glance before going back to your work. “What did you do this time, Minnie? Hit him with your cue cards?”  

But your team’s persistent courtside reporter only shakes his head from the corner of your eye, glancing up ahead of you once again before repeating, “No, seriously, he was glaring at Eunwoo a while ago when you were talking to him and now he’s all smiley and winking at you now that you’re alone. It kind of scares me and I’m not the one being looked at.”

You whip your head over to the same direction, easily spotting Minho again whose eyes immediately soften up at your gaze gaze before smirking and winking again at you. Turning back to Seungmin after, you shrug and say, “He looks fine to me. He‘s always greasy in public by default.”

The younger boy only sighs in defeat, rubbing his temples as he replies, “I don’t know what’s going on in your home life but I’m saying this as a concerned friend and bystander: get a room.” 

“What?!” 

“Do everyone a favor, it’s getting annoying.” He points out, quickly glancing behind you once again before shuddering at Minho’s glare that’s now directed to the other boy he just mentioned. “And we all seriously feel bad for Eunwoo; guy was just asking you for eyeliner.”

“We’re not dating, Minnie, oh my God!” You smack his arm in disbelief, taking a quick scan around the room after to make sure that no one heard your blabbermouth of a friend. Lowering your voice, you then add, “But did he really? Glare at Eunwoo, I mean?”

“Plotted five different murder scenarios and everything.” Seungmin affirms. “Felix and Chan were texting me from across the room while it was all happening and they both said they could see smoke come out of Minho’s ears. Even Yeji was scared and she was just passing by to see Chaeryeong.”

“You guys are delusional.”

“We are tired of this dumb sexual tension.” He defends, gesturing to himself then to Chan and Hyunjin from afar then to Minho and, finally, to your shirt with Minho’s university logo on the print. “Anyway, I also heard from some of the other reporters that he made Jisung and Hyunjin hold something for him today when their team came in. What if it’s for you?”

You raise an eyebrow, shaking your head. “No? He didn’t bring anything weird to the bus stop this morning and I’m pretty sure he went straight to his uni after dropping me off at my stop.” You point out before exhaling another sigh and patting the younger boy’s shoulder. “You know what I think? I think looking after your significant other is taking a toll on you. Are you sure you don’t need anything? A break from courtside reporting maybe?”

Seungmin groans. “Ah, whatever. You two figure this out before someone actually gets an idea to shove you two into an actual room—especially Jisung and Hyunjin!” He concludes before noticing the sudden commotion to your left, eyes widening at realizing that the reporters are being called for their opening spiels now. “Oops, I gotta go, crowd check!”

“You better, you’re starting to talk weird!” You smack his elbow playfully, standing up when he does and bidding him goodbye. “Hype up our crowd and break a leg out there!”

“And you do well on the floor later!” He smiles back, waving goodbye at you before joining Chan and the other reporters to the exit leading to the main floor. “Don’t forget to drink water!”

“Will do, capt.!” And with that, Seungmin runs off to open the program, the empty space next to you quickly getting occupied by Minho after who points at your shirt cheekily.

“You look cute in my shirt.” He comments, adjusting the hat he wears similar to Michael Jackson’s. Fortunately, the lighting backstage is not as bright as the floor’s that his top only glimmers slightly in front of you as he moves.

“You just saw me wear this last Sunday.” You deadpan against another wave of heat rising up to your cheeks, your hands fiddling unconsciously with the hem of your shirt. “It was getting cold just wearing my costume.”

“What did Jeongin and Seungmin say?” He asks, gesturing his head over to the exit where Seungmin just passed through a while back.

“Jeongin just laughed and Seungmin said—ah, nevermind.” You shake your head towards the end, piquing Minho’s interest even further anyway.

“What? What?”

“Nothing! It was nothing.” You bluff with another shake of your head, pushing Minho away with your pom poms when he teases you by leaning his face closer to yours. “Anyway, when will you perform?”

“We’re coming out third for the team and I think our exhibition members are performing fourth. You?”

“First, actually—for the team, I mean.” You frown. “Then we’re last for exhibition.”

“We can watch each other then! I’ll cheer for you from the front seats, the boys have front row seats out there near your uni’s bleachers.”

“Don’t you need to stay back here and, I don’t know, do captain stuff?” You ask next.

“And miss out on your performance? No way! The kids can take care of themselves for 6 minutes.” He shrugs with a dismissive hand. “Why? Don’t you want me to cheer you on? I brought your shirt with me.”

“So you took my shirt!”

“You couldn’t possibly think the neighbors would.” He rolls his eyes playfully, slinging an arm over your shoulder and directing the two of you to the exit along with the others for the opening rites. “So will you come out and watch me too?”

“It’s not like I have another choice. I’m already wearing your shirt to a compet.” You reiterate, making him smile. “As long as you don’t take unflattering photos of me again.”

“Nope, I’ve learned my lesson already.” He grins mischievously, making you smack his arm. “I already have Hyunjin on that job—maybe Changbin too, he brought a tripod and everything to film today.”

“I’m kicking you out of the house when we get home.”

“Ooh, I’m so scared!”

“Shut up.”

Minho cheers you on during your performance, anyway, holding red and green balloons and your shirt, as if a banner, next to Changbin, Jisung, and Hyunjin who all hold different colors of balloons and even more diverse slogans flashing on their phones as well. “Go Y/N!” He yells whenever you have to perform a stunt or dance at the center, jumping up and down his seat and receiving confused looks from the people in their bleachers who aren’t familiar with the two of you.

“Minho’s cheering for you again.” Jeongin snickers quickly as he catches you from a lift, making you discreetly pinch his arm under you.

“Don’t even—“ You sigh, hopping off of your teammates and proceeding to the next formation.

Still, Jeongin bothers you anyway as you perform a series of jumps before kneeling down on the mats. “I just wanted to say it’s cute but pretend that didn’t come from me.” He mumbles against the loud music next to you. “Will you come out and cheer him on too?”

“You already know I will.” You sigh, clasping your hands together once it’s time to stand up again. “Will you come too?”

“I’m sitting with Chan and Seungmin!” He says before parting ways with you. “Sit with us!”

And you do, wearing Minho’s shirt again over your costume once it’s his team’s turn to perform while you hold a black and gold balloon that Chan teaches you quickly how to wave around in the way their university does in every performance. “Go Minho!” You all cheer at the same time from the courtside reporters’ area, making the said pep squad captain turn to your direction as he waits for his cue from behind a prop coffin akin to Michael Jackson’s Thriller.

Minho waves at you shyly in response, prompting the other boys to tease you for the duration of the his solo.

“Get a room!”

“Seungmin!”

-

The cheer dance program lasts for almost 2 hours with the team routine, the exhibition from select members where you participated (and received too much yells from your friends on different sides of the arena), and the awarding where you end up placing 1st runner-up on the team and 1st place on the exhibition while Minho snatches the Champion title for his team among all of the awards they were giving out.

By 8 PM when the program officially ends, your body is already sore from performing twice but you come out to the mats once again, anyway, to take photos with your friends.

“Okay, everyone, say cheese!” Naeun exclaims, pressing the timer on her camera before joining your group, easily climbing up your friend group’s improvised pyramid.

“Cheese!” The camera snaps photos of you and all of your friends from different universities involved in the cheer dance in quick succession, Minho teasing you from below halfway and pretending to drop your foot in his hands.

“There! I think we got it.” Seungmin points out once the camera’s snapping noise stops, standing up from kneeling in front with Chan, Yeeun, and Chaeryeong to check. “Alright, it’s good! Season 103 is done! Finally!”

Your group erupts in cheers as you and the other fliers are carefully caught back and helped back down on the mats while the courtside reporters do a group hug and snap more photos, this time on Yeeun’s phone where they started doing poses resembling their university mascots. You fall smoothly on Minho and Jeongin’s arms, hopping off easily and thanking Jeongin.

“What about me? Hm?” Minho pouts once Jeongin’s dragged away by Felix and Chenle to take more photos, carding his fingers through your bright red hair. “You could at least say thank you.”

You look up at him and snicker, elbowing his side. “Thank you, Minhooo. Happy?”

“Better.” He smirks before twisting his upper body halfway to turn behind you. When you follow his action with your gaze, your then see Changbin and Hyunjin jogging over to you with your trophies and a large bouquet of sunflowers and roses. “I got you something by the way—well, Changbin and Hyunjin bought then I paid them or else they’ll get tissues in their mouths again.”

“Wha—?” You eye the flowers as they approach in pure shock, your eyes widening even more when Changbin and Hyunjin only send you knowing smiles and winks before running away, cheering Minho on as they escape to your other friends. “W-What? W-Why this all of a sudden?”

Minho chuckles at your reaction, passing you your trophy from the exhibition category while he holds his from the team category with the bouquet in one hand. “I just thought that...it’s the end of the season—our last season so what if I—what if I finally asked you out properly?” He explains, growing more sheepish as he explains further while he then transfers the bouquet in his free hand and thrusts the fragile gift towards you. “Felix and Jeongin suggested that I make it more grander with an after-compet performance or something but I know that’s not your type so I got you flowers instead since I know you’ll win something either way.”

“O-Oh.” You muse in your speechlessness, catching a glance of your mutual friends now crowding together from a distance and holding up their phones to record Minho’s confession. Around you, even a few passersby have also momentarily stopped to look, equally as surprised knowing your infamous relationship with your somewhat rival in these competitions. “Y-You’re—you’re asking me out.”

“That’s the plan.” He shrugs with another laugh, grinning even wider when you slowly take the flowers in your own hands to smell the flowers. “If not, then we can totally just pretend I bought you the flowers as congratulations for winning the exhibition catego—hey, woah!”

You shake your head with a smile, having already gathered your thoughts, and pull him into a hug with your free hand, effectively cutting him off and making everyone around you cheer. “Of course, I’d go out with you, dumbass.” You answer his unspoken question, making him smile over your shoulder and hug you back tightly. “Anyway, I’m too lazy to kick you out of the apartment.”

“Ya!”

“I’m just kidding!” You then pull away slightly after, tiptoeing up to give him a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you for the flowers—and also maybe for assuming that I’m going to win something.”

“You always win something, anyway—even if it’s not always the team category because you can never beat me to that in this competition.” He teases, earning him another smack on the arm. “You did win my heart.”

“Ugh, Minho, gross!” You scrunch up your nose, feigning disgust and making him laugh as he dips down to kiss you. “Please never say that in front of my face ever again, we still have Nationals at the end of the semester!”

[omg-im-such-a-masochist]

🎁🔥GUESS WHO?🔥🎁

Prompt: Y/N’s first day back to work from her vacation is also coincidentally her birthday, as the day goes by, one mysterious box is placed on her work table. The content of it is a devious surprise and Y/N needs to find out who is the mysterious person who dared to give her such a kinky birthday present.

Word count: Long-ish

Pairing: Roman Reigns x Reader

Warnings: +18, smut, bondage(handcuffs), use of a vibrator, fingering, rough sex, mentions of voyeurism, oral sex (female receiving), dirty talk, cursing.

My Roman lovers: @ziasaph, @reigns-5sos, @mindofasagittaruis

Notes: What a better way to start 2021, then with a Roman kinky fic?! I wish you all a Happy New Year loves, may 2021 be kinder to us all. Y’all know the drill loves,sorry for misspellings,english isn’t my first language (bla bla bla),check out my other stories if you’d like to(it would make your girl here very happy 😊) and if you’re comfortable with it,please let me know what you think? Some feedback is always welcomed and appreciated ❤️You can check out my other stories typing ‘masochist writes’ on the search bar on my page and my newest story as a fixed post.Okay,now let’s get to the fun part,shall we? Hope you’ll enjoy 😉

“Happy birthday, to you..” I turn around to the sound of a person singing, just to see Sasha Banks holding a chocolate cupcake and a present bag on her hands.

“Hi Sasha.” I smiled

“Happy birthday babe!” Sasha ran up to me, placing the cupcake on my working table and hugging me tightly.

“Thanks Sasha”

This was my first day back from my vacation, and coincidentally it was also my birthday, so I was excited to see some of the good friends I’ve made while working for the WWE as a chiropractor.

“Here this is for you!” Sasha handed me a present bag.

“Oh Sasha, you really didn’t have to-“

“Shush! I love you, so of course I would pamper you on your birthday” Sasha said as I opened the bag to find a pair of Louboutin’s I had my eyes on for quite sometime, but couldn’t afford it.

“Sasha, are you insane? I can’t accept these! It’s way too expensive!” I gasped

“I am perfectly sane, you will accept these and I don’t care if you think they’re too expensive! I love you, you’re one of my best friends in this company and a human being with a heart made of gold. So if there is someone who deserves these is you” She happily said

“Sasha, I don’t even know how to thank you enough” I whispered with tears on my eyes

“Just say you will be my friend forever babe” She winked

“I don’t need presents to be your friend love”

“That’s why I gave it to you. I don’t care how much they cost, I just want to make my best friend happy on her birthday”

I hugged her and whispered ‘thank you’ on her ear

“So, who else has came here today?” She asked

“Oh! Bayley, Charlotte, Xavier, Kofi, Cesaro, Big E, Alexa, Naomi, Jey, Becky, Seth, Finn, Renee and Dean” I said, listing my close friends

“I was the last one then? Damn it!”

“It’s ok, I know you were busy today love”

“So...no Roman?” She whispered

“No, no Roman” I answered slightly disappointed.

Sasha along with Bayley and Renee were the only 3 people who knew about my stupid crush on Roman Reigns. It’s so stupid of me to think that a man like him would ever look at someone like me.

If he would ever look at someone on this company, it wouldn’t be the thick girl who worked as a chiropractor and yes one of the beautiful toned Divas of this company.

But still I couldn’t help but daydream about having him on top of me.

“Maybe he doesn’t know it’s your birthday?” Sasha tried to make it less uncomfortable

“Really Sasha? He’s friends with Dean! Everybody knows Dean is an open mouth, loud as fuck and can’t keep it to himself not even if his life depended on it...Roman just chose to ignore it, and it’s fine. We’re not close or anything so, I wasn’t expecting him to show up at my office door and fuck me on top of this table” I lied while chuckling weirdly

“Let’s be honest babe, everybody secretly wants Roman Reigns to fuck them on top of a table!” We both laughed at her statement before she continued “It’s his loss anyways babe”

“Yeah I guess so...”

I was making my way back to my office, from the women’s locker room, when a big black box with a golden ribbon called my attention on top of my desk.

“What the hell?” I said as I approached the box carefully. All of my closest friends had already wished me a happy birthday and gave me their presents so this was, to say the least, weird and unexpected.

I saw a blood red card on top of it, so I opened to find the handwritten saying

‘I hope these will make your birthday night unforgettable. Can you guess who’ve bought these for you? ;)’

Ok, that’s pretty fucking weird! I thought

From the corner of my eye I saw Sasha passing by and loudly whispered

“Sasha! Come here”

She entered my office “What’s up girl? Are you ok? You look scared”

I closed my office door and locked, and made my way back to the table by her side.

“Ok, I’m feeling a little paranoid. I just came back to my office to find this box and this card. Here” I handed the card to her and she red silently.

“Did you look what’s inside of it?” Sasha said

“Nope. And to be honest I don’t know if I can..what if it’s like a prank or something?”

“Well, there’s only one way to find out Y/N”

She opened the box, inside of it there was a fancy red paper, I took it out of the way to reveal what was underneath it and I tell you I almost passed out.

Inside the box there was a lavender and purple (my favorite colors) vibrator, it was actually pretty cute...two pairs of handcuffs, lube, nipples clamps and a whip.

“Oh my gosh” Sasha gasped as she took the clamps on one hand and the whip on the other. “Someone wants to get kinky with you girl!” She examined the items carefully

“What in the actual fuck?” I whispered shocked “Give me that!” I took the items out of her hand, shoved back into the box and quickly closed with the black lid.

“Jesus, I can get fired if someone sees that in my office! Who the hell would do that?”

“Someone who wants to get some! And wants it rough” She chuckled

“Sasha it’s not funny! I could not have a job tomorrow morning if someone from the company found these”

“Who do you think did this?” She asked seriously

“How am I supposed to know? I have no fucking clue!”

“Maybe someone who’s name starts with an R...” She smirked

“R?... What ar-... Oh hell no! Nu uh, that’s impossible!” She couldn’t be implying that Roman was behind this, was he? No! Of course not, that’s a dumb thing to think of...but a part of me wished it was him, even though I know it wasn’t.

“Why impossible? You’re a gorgeous woman Y/N! You two would make a beautiful couple, plus, I‘ve seen his handwriting before and I’m pretty sure it’s quite similar to this one” She said as she inspected the card closely.

“Obviously someone wants to make fun out of me, so I’ll just pretend this never happened” I took the card out of her hand and shoved inside the box.

“Or someone has an eye on you for a while and decided to finally make a move”

“Sasha, please don’t tell this to anyone”

“Your secret is safe with me babe. Just promise that when your secret admirer finally show up, you’ll tell me if you guys made a good use of his presents” She laughed

“You’re the worst!” I laughed along

I made my way back to my hotel room later that evening with my hands so full of packages I could barely walk. I opened the door and carefully placed the bags, along with the black box, on the floor.

I went to the bed and sat down on the edge, while I stared at the box.

*Could Sasha be right? Could it be Roman who did this?* Was the only thought that crossed my mind

I decided to forget all about it and take a shower to wash off the day.

As I was rinsing my hair I heard some noise coming from the bedroom

*What the hell was that?*

I blamed on my super active mind and turned the shower off.

I got changed into some clean oversized t- shirt, and went full on commando. I was brushing my damp hair, when I decided to lay out the contents of the black box on the bed.

I roamed my eyes on each item slowly, until they stopped on the lavender and purple happiness. I turned the vibrator on and felt slightly tempted to use it.

*Oh fuck it! Happy birthday to me I guess”

I got rid of the t-shirt and lay down on the bed naked.

I closed my eyes, letting my mind imagine my wet dream, in form of a man... his face, his body, his cock and how I wish I could feel it inside of me, stretching me as I teased my clit with the vibrator.

I moaned Roman’s name and heard someone clear their throat on the foot of the bed. My eyes shot open and my heart nearly stopped beating when I saw who was in front of me. The vision was so unexpected that I even forgot I was naked.

“I see you liked my gift then” He smirked

“Wh- What are you doing here? How did you get inside of my room?” I whispered

“Does it matter?” His eyes had an evil glimpse to it

“Roman... I- I can explain” I begin to stutter

He placed his index finger on his lips in a shh motion and I stopped talking. He hungrily stared at every inch of my naked body, making me feel quite self conscious of the imperfections of it. I grabbed the blanket to cover my nakedness, he notice what I was about to do and yanked the blankets off the bed

“I’ve been waiting for years to see you like this, so don’t you dare cover yourself from me now”

He took off his shirt and pants leaving only his boxers on, from where I was laying I could see the outline of his hard cock and the wet spot of pre cum near of it’s head. He crawled on top of me slowly, like a predator, with dangerous eyes that were glued to my own.

“At first I was only gonna watch you... I wanted to see you pleasure yourself with my gifts, but when I saw your body fully naked on this bed moaning my name” He grunted “I couldn’t control myself, I couldn’t see this” He took the vibrator off my hand and placed on the bed by our side “Having all the fun with you, enjoying every part of your beautiful body, stretching your sweet pussy while my own cock only got to watch, he wants to have his own fun with you baby girl. He wants to make you feel real good” He leaned closer to my face, his lips brushing mine as he asked “Do you want that Y/N? Do you want my cock to make you feel good? Do you want it to stretch you out baby? Do you want it to fuck you hard and rough? Or do you prefer it slow and sweet? Do you want me to fuck you from behind?...Or maybe I should eat you out first huh? Eat that sweet pussy until you’re begging me to stop, I can’t wait to feel you come on my mouth...around my cock,milking it really nice” He growled “Tell me Y/N, what do you want?”

“I want it all, I want everything” I panted as he dry humped me

“Will you let me do whatever I want with you baby girl? What I’ve always wanted to do?”

“Yes”

He smiled satisfied, leaning to kissed me roughly and sloppily as he grabbed both of my wrists into one of his big hands pining it over my head.

“If anything I do bothers you or you feel like your not feeling it or don’t like it, you let me know ok?”

I nodded

“I need words baby girl”

“Yes, I understand”

“Good” He smiled and I felt something cold close around my wrists. I looked up to see the handcuffs around my wrists being closed on the headboard of the bed. Roman sat up and looked down do my naked body at his disposal.

“Fuck, you’re such a gorgeous sight” He said as he palmed his hard cock through his boxers. “I can’t wait to bury my cock deep inside you” He panted

“Roman, please do something” I whispered

His hands roamed the sides of my body until he stopped at my breasts as his hands squeezed them hard while pinching my nipples.

“These were made just for me. Do you see how they perfectly fit my hands? I can only imagine how even more beautiful your breasts will look with my cock sliding in between them” His eyes were glued on my breasts.

I tugged at my handcuffed hands, begging “Roman, please, I need- something”

“Let’s take a look on this pussy...are you wet for me Y/N?”

“Soaked”

He raised his eyebrows “Really? Let‘s see” Two of his fingers slides through my folds “Fuck baby girl, you are soaked. Jesus, we won’t even need lube” His fingers traced lazy circles around my clit, making me moan in pleasure. One callused finger slipped inside of me.

“Oh baby girl, you’re so tight, fuck I will barely be able to move. I can’t wait to feel your sweet little pussy stretch around my cock”

He took his finger out and cleaned with his tongue, humming in pleasure to the taste of my juices.

“You taste amazing, Y/N. Fuck I need more” He slide down my body placing his head between my thighs. His tongue gave a long lick from my entrance to my clit sucking it. Making his way back to my entrance again dipping his tongue inside of me, beginning to fuck me with his tongue.

“Oh my god, Roman, please fuck me! I need you inside of me please” I whined

“As you wish baby” He smirked

He slides his cock through my folds to lube it up, then places the head of his cock at my entrance

“Are you sure about this baby girl? ‘Cause once I start I won’t be able to stop myself”

“Roman, just fuck me already would you?” I said impatiently

He chuckled lightly saying “Easy tiger, we’ll take this slow, I don’t want to hurt you” Roman leaned down to peck my lips and returned to his previous position.

He started to slowly slide inside of me, inch by inch, painfully slow. He’s the biggest man I’ve ever been with, so I knew that we needed to take it slow, but fuck he feels so good I just wish he would roughly thrust into me, so I wiggle my hips to take more of him.

“Fuck Y/N, slow down! You’re too tight and I’m not exactly small, if you keep rushing things you’re gonna end up hurting yourself and I don’t want that”

“I know is just that your cock feels so fucking good, I just want you to fuck me Ro”

“Trust me baby, there’s nothing that I want more then fuck you senseless, but I want you to enjoy it as well ok?” He kissed my nose then my lips

When all of him was finally inside of me we both moaned loudly, I’ve never felt so full before and it was both a dream and a nightmare

“Motherfucker! Jesus fuck Y/N, you’re so fuckin- Oh my god.. I gotta focus ‘cuz I feel like at the slightest move I’ll cum” He pressed his forehead to mine as his thumb slowly traced circles on my clit.

“Roman” I gasped “Please don’t tease me like that, fuck it feels so fucking good” I cried as I felt my walls tighten around him

“Oh fuck!” Roman growled loudly “Don’t do that baby girl, don’t squeeze my cock like that, you’re gonna make m-“

“Move,please” I circled my hips

“Fuck it” He said as he forcefully grabbed my hips and begin to quickly thrust me.

“Oh Roman...harder, I need harder”

“Harder?” He chuckled “Like this?” He pounded into me mercilessly

“Yes! Just like that, oh please, don’t stop” “Fuck Y/N you’re going to get me addicted to you baby girl” He kissed my lips vigorously

“I say we should push you a little further..” Roman took the vibrator from the bed and placed on my clit.

“Ooohhh”

“Fuck, you look so beautiful baby girl, a whimpering mess underneath me”

“Ro- Roman I’m gonna cum”

“Cum baby, I wanna feel you cum around my cock”

And I did. My orgasm was so hard that my juices made a mess on Roman’s thighs and the bedsheets.

“Y/N, fuck baby...so fucking gorgeous, my messy girl” He chuckled “Where do you want me to cum baby?”

“Inside” I panted while I felt another mini orgasm come through me

“Fuck, I’m officially addicted to you baby girl. You’re my wet dream come true...gorgeous face, delicious body, perfect pussy..so tight for me. And on top of it all, you want my cum inside of you?! You are beyond perfect Y/N”

He thrusts into me 3 more times before finally cum, filling me up with his seed.

As we tried to recover our breaths, Roman uncuffed my wrists and placed a sweet kiss into each one.

“You ok baby girl?”

“Mhmm” I hummed

“Did I hurt you? Was I too rough?”

“No, of course not. You were perfect!”

“Good baby” He smiled

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure thing baby”

“Why? Why me?”

“Why not you?” He asked sincerely while he brushed my hair with his fingers

“I don’t know, I can’t picture someone like you with someone like me.. I mean, there are so many beautiful women in the company that fit you better...I’ve never thought you could find me attractive”

“Are you serious? Have you looked yourself in the mirror? You’re gorgeous, so perfect Y/N. Yes, there are beautiful women in the company but they’re nothing compared to you baby. You stand out, exactly because you’re different from all of them. You’re unique”

“Still...I don’t know..”

“Oh so you don’t believe me? Maybe I’ll have to show you then”

I could feel his cock beginning to harden on my thigh

“Show me? How?”

“Well baby girl, good thing there are more items of the box for us to try it huh?”

“Us?”

“Yeah, you don’t really think that I’m gonna let you go right? Now that I’ve tasted you, you’ve got me hooked baby. We’ve got the whole night for me to change your mind about us together. And I bet you that I will” He smirked as he leaned down to kiss my neck...

What a great way to celebrate my birthday 🎁

[draganasimpsforjeff]

Hunting Dogs (proxies x reader) Chapter One

This is based on the story of mine on Quotev but due to it being labeled and now taking off index no one can see it unless searching my username so I figured I’d also post it on here cuz why not? Plus I like tumblr better anyways*shrug*

"Did you check the perimeter?" A dark haired man with a feminine mask questioned to his younger colleague who nodded in response. "A-all clear." That was what he expected out of the younger man. A simple straight answer. No one had time to have an explanation during a high stress leveled mission. A man's hair was clenched in the dark haired man's hand. A rag was shoved into his mouth, only letting him breathe through his nose while his eyes budged out in fear.

"Masky, you know what needs to be done. " A voice changer broke Masky out of his stare at the old man and back to his original partner, Hoodie. "I just want to take my time, after all..Boss never mentioned a deadline." He chuckles darkly, bending to the height of the old man.

"We don't need to bring attention to ourselves. This city is highly populated and we can't risk being caught. Get on with it." Hoodie forces his tone down, but trying to remain his point clear about how this was not a   game. They were not in the Slender forest or their usual hunting grounds.

This was an unfamiliar city with not that many hiding places. The dark alleys being their own source of protection.

"Syringe. " Masky held out his palm, waiting for the messy haired man to hand him what he requested. Toby reached into his pocket, careful not to accidentally drop it or prick himself with it. He hands it over and Masky grinned behind his mask. Hoodie looked around, scanning the area high and low with his eyes squinting every now and then to make sure no one was hiding in the dark before crossing his arms tightly and watched Masky.

"Okay, pops. I'm going to ask you some questions, but I'll need to take the cloth out of your mouth. No screaming, got it? If you did, I will not hesitate to use this." He held up the syringe, the dim light post, providing enough of it's source to give the liquid a shine. His grin grew wider, flicking it and turns his attention back to the man at his feet.

He nodded and Masky considered him for a moment, reaching down and takes it out. "Now. Tell me, Paul Densie. Why did you think it was smart to go looking for our kind?" he asks as his eyes never left the man's face. He swallowed, breathing shakily before choosing his words carefully. "It was not my choice. They were strict orders. I wasn't suppose to be taking up that case, you have the wrong man."

"We never have the wrong man." Masky snickered and grabbed the man's face. "And why was it so important for you assholes to go searching? Huh!? What was the fucking point?!"

"Masky be quiet you're go-"

"Shut the fuck up Hoodie, before I plunge this syringe into you instead of him. " Masky spat with venom, turning his attention back to the old man, taking a quick breath, looking back up at the man. "Now...answer the question. " He was glad that it was dark out so the hostage couldn't see the insanity that was brewing behind his eyes. He wanted nothing man then to wrap his large hands onto the bastards neck and squeeze till his head popped off.

"A f-few of our men have been filed as missing. We had some of our coworkers do some tracking and along with the timeline, it led us to the ones we suspect now. And once we find those bastards, you pricks will be done for!" A hard slap echoed from his face and Masky grabbed the guy's collar, bringing him close to his face. "You must be the dumbest person I ever met if you think your team can even come close to us. You will never find us. And we will make sure of that. We do whatever we need to to protect ourselves even if that means killing every. single. fucker. that. gets. in. the . way. We have our own strict orders to follow and we go through them. After all, we are just a bunch of hunting dogs." He grinned, stabbing the man in the chest with the syringe.

The man froze with his eyes bulging out, looking up at the dim light before falling down to the concrete beside Masky's leg.

A loud gasp caught their attention and they snapped their heads in the direction to see a girl with a work uniform on, most likely one of the local restaurants on the strip. One command made her break into a run, following her trace and leaving the alley.

"Here you go, Mr. Saka. Your usual." Y/N smiles at the middle aged man who came in here at least three times a week.  He was the regular's that you have gotten to known pretty well. You were still a newbie when it came to this job, but you made it one of your concerns to get to know people pretty well. You had a fresh start and you didn't want it to be like how your life was before moving. You saved enough money from your last job when you lived in a smaller town with your mom, but things were getting too bad at home that you went to school full time and a job. You were in senior year of high school and now you just worked full time at one of the well known restaurants in town.

It was actually the first place you applied to. The hourly pay wasn't great, but it was enough and plus you made tips. One of the upsides to getting to know people in a city like this, especially with regulars was that they paid you decently. And it was mostly always busy during the day with people rushing in for their break at work or tourists, but at night it was mostly drunks or regulars or some Yelp reviewer...you had a lot of those, they never got off the company's back that you worked for.

But you hadn't messed up once so you didn't worry about it.

"Thank you, sweetheart. My, I gotta say it's like you practically live here. Do you work full time?" Mr. Saka asks, cutting into his pancakes. He was one of those people that liked breakfast food at night and you thought it was funny when everyone else was having dinner and he was the only one ordering a breakfast platter.

"Yes, well, I'm trying to have enough money to where I don't have to worry so much about bills or if I want to get enough food for the month. It's hard, yes, but that's the adult life I guess." You sighed, running the damp rag across the counter, cleaning up from the last customer.

"Just try to take care of yourself. I would hate to see you get burnt out from all the hard work, besides, you're my favorite. " he sends a playful wink before drowning his pancakes in syrup. You chuckled, breaking into a small smile. "You're my favorite too, Mr. Saka. "

"Y/N, you may clock out if you like. We have a newbie coming in tomorrow and we might need you to come in early for an extra pair of hands." Your boss says, looking over the time sheet. You nodded, sighing a little as you hated coming in early especially when you thought you were going to have a short shift tomorrow. "Alright, I will. Goodnight everyone!" You said, sliding your time card in and clocking out. "Have a goodnight, Mr. Saka. Stay out of trouble." You give him a small pat on the shorter, sending him into a fit of laughter.

"As if!"

You chuckled once more at his comment, opening the door and walking out. The air was a bit chilly and you were glad to have brought your hoodie. It wasn't the thickest, but it covered you up. So, it did it's job.

As cliche and dumb as it was, you usually took shortcuts home. The city was too alive at times like this, making it nearly impossible to not be trampled by other people or take nearly an hour to get home. With a short cut, you cut the time in half. It was still exhausting after a long shift at work, but it was something.

You heard shouting and stopped dead in your tracks. You heard an old man speaking and furrowed your eyebrows. Should I see what is happening? Call the cops? Turn around and leave? What?

But before you could register what your body was doing, you moved away from the shadows and gasped at the sight of an man, sending a needle into the old man's chest and watching him fall to the ground.

Three heads snapped at you and you cursed silently, before turning your heel in the opposite direction, waiting for the signal to break into a run.

"GET HER!"

So here's the first chapter. I hoped you liked it and there might be chapters with cliffhangers, so expect that. This is going to be a dark creepypasta x reader, so if don't like that then don't read any further as topics will get triggering, just a warning also gonna use tags so maybe you guys can find it easier cuz i don’t know how to do masterlist

[ariadneamare]

a playlist for you | levihan

word count: 1.9k

warnings: 18+ audience only, angst

a/n: so i'm not really good at writing nsfw so this is all i can do for now (?) let me know what u think! < about the story i mean and not the nsfw HAHAHA ok anyway here it is

Day 1 // Honne

"You'll always be my day one," she whispered at his sleeping form. The two met nine months ago at a party Hanji's friend held for the fourth of July. It took her hours to decide if she wanted to go. Between the thesis that had to be done and the tempting bottles of vodka on the picture Petra sent, she came to a conclusion. 

In that very moment, that very temptation lead her to a good outcome. A grumpy midget. 

They both decided to just be friends with benefits. For Hanji's part she did not know as to how it worked. Do they just fuck and fist bump after? 

The sex was insanely good, but the thing that came after? Feelings. Feelings were what came after. 

Everything hit different with Levi. Something about the way he dragged the tip of his cock along her opening as he whispered, "I love the way you scream my name," made her carve the features of his face on her mind. Something about that very gesture the first night they met stuck with her. 

"Day zero when I was no one," she continued. Taking her index finger, she traced his brows and moved to his lips. "I'm nothing by myself, you and no one else." 

Falling for someone was the last thing she intended to do on her last year of university. She had dreams and goals to achieve, Hanji could not afford to fuck up. But, maybe this mistake might not be so bad. Maybe, it would even be the one thing that'll make her happy. Make her whole. Make her warm. 

"What are you mumbling?" 

"Oh, Levi!" As soon as she heard the voice, Hanji withdrew her hand to her chest. She looked at him with wide eyes, her voice small as she added, "I was just talking to myself." 

"C'mere," Levi's voice is husky as he pulls her in. His hands tighten around her waist and he hardens, her boobs pressed up against his chest. "Go to sleep." 

Hanji closes her eyes and tries to focus on falling asleep instead of the voice in her head. Last time she checked, fuck buddies don't cuddle in bed. 

Everytime // Ariana Grande 

"For the last time, Hanji!" Nifa shouts frustratedly, picking up her clothes on the floor and stuffing them in a duffel bag. "He's not good for you. He fucked a quarter of the med students! Goes partying almost every night, and ends up sucking someone's face by the time the party disperses." 

One drunken night, Hanji spilled everything to Petra and Nifa. From how she's falling for him, to the idea that she's willing to do anything for Levi. Absurd really, but it was love. At least that's what she thinks. 

"What about it? And he doesn't fuck strangers anymore. He told me so, it's all me now." Hanji tries to argue, taking the bag from her friend and zipping it up. "People are capable of changing, if you're not aware." 

"No! Listen to me, for once! Please, listen to me." 

"You listen to me!" She pulls at her hair, dragging her palm down her face and settling them by her hips. "Just this, allow me to have this." 

"I want to, but I can't, okay?" Nifa approaches her, placing both hands on each shoulder. "I can't let you when I know what he is like." 

"I know what he's like, and it's nothing compared to how you picture him." 

Nifa looks down for a second before dragging her eyes to meet Hanji's, "I can't do anything to tell you otherwise?" 

"No, I'm sorry." Hanji breathes, cupping her left cheek. "I can handle myself, okay?" 

"Okay." 

Thirty minutes later, Hanji sat on her bed alone. Staring up at the ceiling before saying, "they keep telling me to let go but I don't really let go." She closes her eyes, looking back at their moments together. 

Until now, everything remained blurry. No label, no assurance, no confession. Just a bunch of afternoons spent fucking in her dorm or his car. 

Hanji knew she deserved so much better than casually fucking and making out. But something about him made her stay. It sounded like something every person says before getting cheated on, yet she still did not budge. 

"Why, oh why does god keep bringing me back to you?" She whispers, slapping her cheeks repeatedly. 

Last Night // Lucy Spraggan 

"Last night I told you I lo—" Hanji tries to explain and apologize but he cuts her off. Raising a hand and standing up from his position on the bed. 

They booked a hotel room last night after going out. The two drank more than what they could handle. It took Levi 24 shots and 16 for Hanji before they got wasted. And wasted they were. 

Their arms were intertwined to keep balance, noise erupted from each other's mouths. Giggles from Hanji's part and grunts from the man. One thing lead to the next, the two had crazy drunk sex. Even though she was drunk, a part of her was still aware. 

Aware of how everything he did became even more attractive. The way he unbuttoned his dress shirt made her insides twist and turn. 

Last night, she even got to see a side of him he rarely showed. Most times when they had sex, Levi took control. But everything was different last night. He squirmed under her and moaned loudly, his eyes rolling back as his legs started to shake. 

After three rounds, the two sat in bed side by side. They stared at the city from the window. Enjoying the peace and cold the night brought. Hanji enjoyed counting the cars that passed, while Levi stared at her. 

It was impulsive, but she did not regret it as much as she expected. The three words came out of her mouth smoothly, and if he did not listen closely then he would not notice how it seemed so rehearsed. 

"Hanji, I am not the person for you." 

It hurt, but it was true. He only spoke of the truth, yet Hanji hated him. Levi could have lied, he could have told her he loved her too. But he didn't. And she should be grateful, she should be. Anger bubbled up inside her, anger for both of the people in the room. 

At him for being so… so him. For being everything yet nothing at the same. 

At her for allowing this, for not keeping her walls up. For being a fool. 

Thinking of You // Katy Perry

Levi tried. At best, he tried. 

For months, he noticed the way Hanji looked at him. He did not mean to assume, it was just too noticeable because it was how his mom looked at him.

Like he was too precious for the world. Like he was special. Like he was loved. 

He knew any time she would say those words, but he did not think it would be so soon. Levi has not prepared himself for anything. He did not know what to say or do. He's never experienced anything so pure ever since his mom. Most people regarded him in ways he knew how to handle. 

Either in respect or simply lust. With respect, he just had to reciprocate it. And lust, give them a dick and it was all good. 

But love, it was like calculus for an elementary student. Too complex and, in some cases, too much. 

And because he did not want to think about Hanji or the way she said I love you with her wide eyes, he went out to party. 

There he met Erwin. A buff man in a crisp suit. Not too many words were uttered, but moans were echoing in the bathroom of the bar. The guy was handsome and built as hell, who was Levi to reject a blessing? 

As he was being rammed, his hands on the sink for balance and mouth agape in pleasure, a certain person kept popping up on his mind. Even though Erwin kept pushing in so hard from the back that Levi's hands kept slipping off the sink, he could not help but think if Hanji slept with another person too. With that thought, it riled him up. He pushed his ass backwards to meet with Erwin's aggressive thrusts and in five more the two came in sync, muttering curses underneath their breaths. 

As they fixed themselves up, Erwin passed him a business card before leaving. He did not even check the words written before throwing it in the bin. The condom he threw seconds ago sat beside it and he cringed at that. 

"When I'm with him, I am thinking of you." He stared at his own reflection and scowled. What did he get himself into. 

Do I Wanna Know // Arctic Monkeys 

"Hey," he breathed, voice deep and slurred. Two empty bottles of gin stood on his coffee table. 

"What are you doing?" Hanji tried her best not to let her walls break. She knows when too much heartache is enough. 

"Crawling back to you," Levi chuckled before continuing. "Ever thought of calling when you've had a few? 'Cause I always do." 

"Levi, I can't do this right now." It has been about a month, and Hanji has learned. Nifa and Petra did not let her off easily despite crying for days. They lectured her for a week straight, but did not leave her side. They brought food, reminded her about assignments and even took her out on dinner dates. "I have to go." 

Build Me Up Buttercup // The Foundations 

"Levi, you cannot just build me up just to let me down." She pushed him away as he tried to hold on either side of her arm. Hanji was on her way to the cafeteria when Levi pulled her and dragged her to a secluded corner, asking if they could talk. 

"I'm sorry," he blurts out and it makes her pause, his forehead creases as he looks at her with pleading eyes. "Help me, I do not know how to do this." 

Hanji's eyes widen in horror, "what do you mean? Are you okay?" 

"This whole thing, this lo-love." 

It took every nerve inside of Hanji's body for her not to laugh at him. She found it weirdly cute. Sure, he broke her heart, but the man was clearly trying. 

"Is Levi 'I am not the person for you' Ackerman asking for my help?" She brought one hand under her chin, feigning brainstorming. 

"Oh, so you want to think hard? How about I give you something else that's hard?" He pulls her, his bulge meeting with her crotch. "But honestly though, what a simp you are." 

"So you want me to give you a hard time and reject you now? Make you wait for a year?" She smacks his chest. 

"No, I'm fine with waiting but I want you now." He kisses her cheek a couple of times before pressing his lips on hers. 

"Look at you, suddenly a softie," she teases as their noses meet. 

"Have I not always been one?" 

"Yeah, I kept wondering if fuck buddies usually cuddle after sex. Or give the other lunches that they made on their own. Or cleaning the dor—" 

"Okay, you made your point already, four eyes." Levi raises one hand to cup her cheeks, making her look at him in the eye. "I can't promise you something perfect from the books, but I am willing to give you everything that I am." 

"Such a sweet talker!" 

"Oh, whatever." 

[ofinkandeyre]

January 14, 2015

“Excuse me,” said Wesley. He swept his walking stick across the floor of the supermarket. He could feel people moving around him to get out of his way. “Sorry, I’m blind,” he said as if that weren’t already obvious and he made it to the front of the line where he knew the register was. Ever since he had gone blind, he had a very bitter out look on life, not really caring about much anymore. “Can I get this,” he said as he put a bottle of whiskey onto the counter. “And a pack of Marbolo cigarettes,” he added. 

“Mmhmm,” said the cashier, who was more than familiar with Wesley. “You know you just jumped the line.”

“Yeah, well, what can I do, I’m blind,” he said.

The cashier rung him up, Wesley passing her his credit card. “Thanks,” he said as he then grabbed the bottle and pack of cigarettes, putting the cigarettes into his back pocket and then grabbing the bottle and walking out of the store, looking much less clumsy now, more than familiar with the layout. Once he was outside, he headed down the street to the local diner. They had an area outdoor that Wesley would sit at so he could smoke.

Bars had become too noisy, too overwhelming for him. All he could focus in on was the noise and sometimes it became too unbearable. So, he would buy his own liquor and take it to the diner. There was just enough noise to keep his mind occupied but not so much that it drove him insane. 

“Your usual?” asked the waitress who stopped by the table he sat at. “And you know you can’t drink that in here.”

“I know,” grunted Wesley. “I’ll be discreet. Always am.”

“I know you can’t see it, but I’m giving you a disapproving look,” said the waitress. “Besides, you’re not as discreet as you think you are. I’ll get you an ashtray,” she added. 

Wesley grunted as he then took out the box of cigarettes from his back pocket, lighting one up immediately as he heard the waitress get back, placing an ashtray in front of him. “It’s at your ten o’clock,” she said. “And here’s your cup, half full with soda at two o’clock.” 

“Thank you,” he said as he reached out a hand, grabbing at air until he could feel the cup and brought it closer. He took out the bottle of whiskey. He had his index finger inside the cup, just about in inch inside, and placed the neck of the bottle inside, pour it in slowly, hearing as the cup filled and then stopping when he felt the liquid had reached his finger, stopping and putting the whiskey away. He then took the straw the waitress had placed inside and began to stir to mix it up some. He heard her sit down. “Break?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Can I bum one?”

Wesley took the box and handed it to her so she could take a cigarette, offering her his lighter. 

“Why don’t you just get a guide dog?” the waitress asked. 

“Because I don’t need one. Besides, I don’t want to have to take care of something else,” he said. “I already have to take care of myself. I don’t need to worry about a dog and having to walk it everyday just to let it out. I don’t go anywhere,” he grunted. 

“So, I take it to mean you don’t have anyone in your life?” she asked. Wesley could smell the smoke she slowly breathed out from the cigarette. He took a slow drag from his, feeling the way the smoke filled his lungs. He closed his eyes as he let the sensation overtake him, before he breathed it all out again. 

“I don’t. Don’t need anyone. Just because I’m blind, doesn’t make I can’t take care of myself,” he said. “I do fine just on my own.” 

“There’s no shame in needing someone. You know, even people who can see need people in their lives,” she said. “In fact, most humans can’t exist without anyone else. Any family?”

“No,” said Wesley. “Not really. They’re as good as dead to me. You know the first thing my mom did when I went blind? Wonder who was going to take over the family company without my sight,” he said. “So, not really the kind of people I want in my life. Least if I’m looking for the kind, compassionate sort.”

“What do you even do for work?” she asked. “Do you work at night? You’re always here during the day.”

“I write,” said Wesley. “I have a typewriter at home, I use it to write articles.”

“What? Computer too convenient for you? Do you like to make every aspect of your life hard?” She asked. 

“No, but the typewriter makes noise. I can hear the distinctive sounds of the keys and know which letters they are,” he shrugged.

“Don’t they have braille keyboards?”

Wesley shrugged. He was sure they did, but he liked his typewriter. 

“Do you read braille?” she went on. 

“Yes, I can read braille. How do you think I read notes sent back to me?” said Wesley as he picked his drink to take a large sip from it. 

“Well, see, they have fun things called a phone that often have voice and screen reader capabilities that you can use to read things to you. Kind of like having a permanent audio book.” 

“What? Are you the new spokesperson for the American Foundation for the Blind?” Wesley asked. 

“Just done some reading and research. Ever since I met you, I got curious about how someone who is blind can do things and get around.” She waved her hand as if to double check that Wesley really was blind. “And you’re completely and totally blind?”

“Yes, I don’t fall under the low vision category, if that’s what you’re asking. I can’t see anything, but I can feel the wind from you waving your hand in front of my face. I’m blind, not deaf or suffering from severe nerve damage.” 

“No girlfriend?” she asked, and then after a beat, she added, “or boyfriend?”

“Yeah, because that’s what every girl wants, a man who can’t even see her to tell her she looks particularly nice that day or not be able to get dressed up and be appreciated,” he said dryly. 

“I don’t know, that sounds like the perfect man to me,” she said. “Someone who you know actually likes you for you and not because of the way you look and don’t flatter yourself, women get dressed up to look good for themselves and themselves alone. Don’t need you to validate anything.” 

Wesley sighed. It didn’t matter. The one person he thought he might actually want to be with, he didn’t even know where she was, had no way of contacting her and wouldn’t even know where to start looking for her. Not only that, but chances were she had moved on long ago, was dating someone else, possibly settling down and getting married and having children like he knew she always wanted. There was no way Wesley could ever have children now. 

“I’m just saying, honey, I think I might be your only friend and that’s just sad. Ought to find someone.” Wesley could hear her standing up now. “Anyway, break time’s over, have to get back to work. You let me know If you need anything else. You know the drill.” 

Wesley could feel a quick pat on his shoulder and she was gone, leaving him alone again. Alone as he always would be.

[gwenore]

The Demon’s Opera house. Chapter 17

Chapter 17: Raoul learns about the strange figure his brother met. 

Raoul was watching the Parisian streets pass by letting out a soft hum as he thought about what had happened at the Opera house. The workers seemed to have been absolutely convinced that the demon’s claws were being digging into the opera house like it had so many years ago.

That story was of course utter insanity… Raoul was not one to believe in such silly things. After all, demons and devils had no place in modern society, but there were still a lot of people who believed in them.

Raoul sighed.

Philippe was glancing around.

“Did Miss Giry or Miss Dae tell you about Faust?” he then asked after a while.

“Uh… the book?” Raoul cocked his head. “Why would they be talking about that?”

Philippe let out a groan at his brother, before shaking his head.

“No! Not the book. The opera!”

Raoul simply furrowed his brows slightly.

“Uh…” he muttered confused. “Well… no.”

“They didn’t tell you? Really?” Philippe pressed.

“No… it was more about the damages to the stage… and the opera which had to be put off,” Raoul shrugged. “I do not think there is another play being put up… and the one put off was certainly not Faust…” Raoul was not really too interested in the conversation. He wasn’t that knowledgeable when it came to operas. He had enjoyed the spectacle more than anything.

Philippe seemed very displeased by this answer.

“What?”

“But there was a man dressed up as Mephistopheles up in the rafters!” Philippe then insisted, making a slight leap in his seat.

“Uh… like the devil?” Raoul asked with a confused tone.

“Mephistopheles is a demon,” Philippe huffed. Raoul furrowed his brows.

“There was a man dressed up as a demon in the Opera house?”

Could that be the source of the rumors? It certainly would if some shady person was sneaking around dressed up like a demon.

What did unsettle Raoul however was the thought of his little brother having spoken with such a man.

“So… this… Mephistopheles…” he began. “Did he tell you who he was?”

Philippe was clearly trying to remember back, but then he shook his head.

“No. He wasn’t really all that forthcoming with all about anything,” he then shrugged his shoulders.

Raoul sighed, he knew well about how his little brother could be a bit too much with his questions… but he had been the same when he was that age… if not worse. A lot of people working in the opera were… eccentric… and a lot of them certainly did not know how to deal with children’s inquisitive natures.

“Well… I suppose you cannot expect someone dressed up as the devil to be on his best behavior,” Raoul chuckled. “Still… dressed up like that with the rumors going around… no wonder people are spinning around themselves with everything going on. I suppose that he was going to fuel so many rumors… and I have not heard anything about this Faust play. Would have expected monsieur Firmin and Andre would have asked me for a donation ages ago for a new play… they certainly are not shy about putting their hand out.”

Raoul had already been paying a lot when it came to the new floor and their attention seemed to be on getting the new opera on the stage so that they would be actually able to earn money. Opening night being pushed back meant that the opera was bleeding funds.

A new secret opera seemed to him would be the last thing on their mind.

Philippe puffed up his cheeks in the way children do when they are aware that adults do not take their word seriously.

“It was what he said! Also your friend confirmed everything!” he valiantly defended the truth of his words.

Raoul raised a brow.

“My friend did?” he questioned. Philippe quickly nodded his head.

“Miss Daaè was there!” Philippe insisted. “She knew Mephistopheles! And then you called for me, but was still down there staring at the floor.”

Raoul just got even more confused. Of course he remembered Philippe coming over being quite confused when his big brother had not been looking for him.

“Well… I wasn’t calling for you,” Raoul found himself defending himself on that point again.

“It was you I heard! So unless someone was speaking with your voice then it was you!” Philippe continued to insist.

“Well… why wasn’t I at the bottom of the stairs where you thought you heard me then? As you said I was staring at the floor still,” Raoul was quick to defend himself.

Philippe stuttered slightly at his brother’s counter.

“But it was your voice! Christine heard it as well!” he stuttered nervously with a soft shrug of his shoulders.

Raoul pondered a bit… sure, like Christine his brother were known to flights of fancy, but he was not a liar. And… he was certain Philippe wasn’t lying…

But…

None of what he said made sense…

Still… it made him believe that there certainly was something which was going on at the opera house.

“Um… Philippe… this man dressed as Mephistopheles… can you describe him?”

The boy was thinking for a while, pondering a bit.

“Hmm… well… he was very tall… much taller than you…”

Raoul furrowed his brows slightly at that, but decided not to comment on it, letting Philippe to continue his description.

“Uh… black hair… dressed darkly… sharp features… it was a bit hard to tell because he was in costume I suppose,” Philippe tapped his chin. Raoul nodded his head before he let out a soft sigh.

“I can imagine…” he had seen some of the actors and actresses in costume and he could not recognize them off stage most of the time… especially with that make up. “But… can you describe the costume… I mean… other than the fact that he was dressed up like Mephistopheles… there can be plenty of versions.”

“OH!” Philippe exclaimed excitedly. “It was amazing! He wore a half mask which seemed to be from an angel statue and then he had this horn poking out of that same side.”

“And the other?”

“No makeup or mask or anything,” Philippe shrugged his shoulders.

“Interesting costume…” Raoul commented, it certainly didn’t fit anything going on in the opera house at the time.

Philippe nodded along. “Never got an answer how he got the horn to stay on…”

“People of the arts are… eccentric… especially when it comes to… artsy stuff…” Raoul had to roll his eyes. He had dealt with that plenty of times.

Philippe shrugged his shoulders, at ten years old he had figured out that as well.

“It is stupid…” he crossed his arms.

“You won’t hear me argue that point,” Raoul laughed softly, knowing that Philippe had the childish eagerness to know everything, and he had always taken an interest in the arts. No doubt in a couple of years he would be perhaps just as eccentric… he was after all showing the signs.

He chuckled softly to himself.

But…

The conversation with his brother had given him a lot to think about…

The fact that Christine apparently knew this mysterious man… who could that be?

Well… there was the matter of her mysterious tutor… was that him? Certainly a man who dressed up like that would give a lady a black ring…

Raoul put a hand to his lips, brushing his index finger across his well manicured mustache.

His first instinct was to confront Christine first time in the morning… but… he had second thoughts.

Meg had confided in him that she had seen a change in Christine as of late, and they had not spent time together in the same way that they had, which she said was in large part to this new music teacher.

Raoul understood that training her voice would take time away from the things that she usually enjoyed and also that some teachers could be very strict… especially those who were good…

However…

That fear in her eyes when he had asked her to join them on the trip to the museum… that bit had never sat right with him. He knew that Meg shared these feelings as well…

Christine wasn’t just nervous or uncertain… she was fearful.

Raoul was not certain how many singing coaches put their students in fear when it came to missing a lesson, but then again… perhaps he just didn’t have experience in the business.

But also there was the fact that no one knew who he was.

Raoul however had the feeling that this man might not be a good man… and if his friend was in danger he had to do what he could to protect her.

Still now… he had no idea how to do that.

He resolved himself to speak with Meg in the morning… perhaps her head was clearer than his.

If nothing else she knew the opera better than he did, and she also had knowledge of the artist scene around the opera house.

Then there was the knowledge that her mother held… but even from the little Raoul had seen of the woman he was aware that she was one to keep her cards very close to her chest.

He also resolved to speak with Christine, but not disclose any of the fears that he was having… not yet anyway, but perhaps simply mention bits of what Philippe had told him.

Remembering back to when they were kids, he remembered that Christine had always been an awful liar, and would often give herself away simply by talking too much.

Same when she was hiding something.

He thought that might be the best cause of action.

He just hoped that he was not wrong in that regard…

[heathbar17]

So’hara 26 please!

“I’m not gonna let you get yourself killed!”

Emily had stood stock still, waiting. This was clearly a life or death situation. She could hear the footsteps approach and she sucked in a breath of air. Emily couldn’t be seen, or it would all be over. Her only vantage point was the crack in the door where she saw the hooded figure walk throat the door.

Deep breathe. Three. Two. One.

Emily leaped into the air onto the person’s back and let out a high-pitched yell.

The person let out an even higher-pitched scream. Her hood fell off after Emily was able to fully ‘koala’ her back. Emily leaned over and placed a quick kiss on the women’s neck.

Kelley whipped her head around and glared at Emily before it turned into a laugh. “I should have known! I just figured you were on the floor hiding behind the bed.”

“I’m stealthy, like a ninja.” Emily was still on Kelley’s back. “I’m just so smoo…” Emily couldn’t finish her word before the grip on her hands gave way and she landed on the hotel floor with a thud.

“She’s beauty, she’s grace, and somehow my girlfriend?” Kelley laughed after she offered her hand to help Emily up.

“Hey! I’m an awesome girlfriend.” Emily placed her hands on her hips in protest.

Kelley leaned in and gave Emily a kiss and mumbled, “Of course you are.”

“You cannot distract me, you temptress! Next target!” Emily pointed her arm out towards the hallway and grabbed Kelley’s hand.

Kelley would have dragged her feet, but she was just too curious. “I’m not a temptress.”

Emily glanced back at Kelley with a smile and rolled her eyes. “Anyway, our next target is Tobin. Rose is her roommate and she left the door cracked open. My sources have told me that Tobin and Press are on their way back from their coffee date.”

Kelley followed Emily into Tobin’s room, “You really planned for all of this. You’re a psycho and I’m so in love with it.”

This time, they actually did hide on the floor next to the bed. They waited for a few minutes before the sound of the key card clicked.

Except there weren’t any voices. Instead, they heard the distinct sound of kissing and the scuffle of feet. Emily’s eyes had grown wide and before either had a chance to laugh, Kelley covered her own mouth as well as Emily’s.

“Bed.” They could hear Tobin’s voice.

Kelley’s eyes showed panic and she mouthed ‘Oh shit.’ Emily looked around frantically as she tried to find a way out of this situation. The bed bounced from impact next to them and Kelley and Emily yelped in surprise. The rustling on the bed stopped immediately as Christen peaked over the edge of the bed tentatively, unsure of what to expect.

She caught Emily and Kelley crouched on the floor, Kelley’s hands covered her own mouth and Emily’s, and they both had wide eyes. Christen couldn’t be mad because they looked absolutely ridiculous and she figured they were just trying to scare them.

When Christen started to laugh, Tobin looked over the edge of the bed with an annoyed expression. “Kelley! Sonny! Why?!”

Kelley spoke up first, “We didn’t know you guys would be doing it or about to be!”

Tobin huffed, “Well we aren’t thanks to you.”

“Tobs!” Christen scolded her.

“So anyway…do you guys want to help me scare the next person on my list?” Emily blurted out. Kelley nodded her head in agreement to get away from Tobin’s death glare. Christen agreed as well and it was only a matter of seconds before Tobin sighed and agreed. Emily rubbed her hands together in excitement, “Becky!”

Emily heard a collective gasp at her proposition.

“You’re insane! I’m not gonna let you get yourself killed!” Kelley said and held onto Emily’s arm.

“Dude, no one has been able to scare her yet,” Tobin said.

Christen scoffed, “That’s because no one has been brave enough to try!”

Emily held up a finger, “But here’s the thing, everyone knows how I’m Becky’s favorite person. She total fangirls over me.” Tobin smirked and rolled her eyes. Christen bit her lip to keep from laughing and Kelley made a small circular ‘crazy’ motion with her index finger.

“Right. What’s the plan then?” Christen asked.

And that’s how the four them ended up outside the hotel near the garden. Becky sat on a bench with her back to them as she enjoyed her book in the afternoon sun. They tip toped forward and paused every few feet to make sure Becky wasn’t onto them. When they were only five feet away from Becky, they paused for a final time as they readied themselves to scare her.

“Hi guys,” Becky said and turned the page of her book. The four women jumped in surprise at Becky’s voice. They walked around in front of her in shock.

“How could you have possibly known?” Emily looked around as she tried to understand.

“Sorry Becks, we’ll leave you alone now.” Kelley pulled on Emily’s hand and Christen, and Tobin followed.

Becky waited until they were back in the hotel before she let out a chuckle. She wasn’t about to tell that they that their shadows gave them away.  

[amyscascadingtabs]

i’ll walk through hell with you

chapter 2: i guess truth is what you believe in

read chapter one

read on ao3 here

Amy and Leah visit family, a holiday is celebrated, and illness takes over the Santiago-Peralta household.

december

If there is one thing Amy is certain of, stuck in the car with 97 miles to go and an overtired toddler in the back seat, it is that something must be seriously wrong with her. 

No one in their right mind says yes to a family weekend upstate with all siblings and their families nine days before Christmas. Not when it’s a three-hour drive. Not while they’re already left alone to care for their child for the weekend due to a time-sensitive and crucial opportunity coming up in a case Jake has worked for two months. Not when previously mentioned child is recovering from a cold and is ten times more cranky and attention-craving than normal. 

Except - apparently - Amy.

She doesn't know what the fuck she was thinking. 

She knows some thought went into her plan, such as the idea to drive late at night so Leah could sleep in the car. She simply wishes it could have worked, because right now the toddler is singing Wheels On The Bus for the seventeenth time in forty minutes and Amy feels like her head is going to explode. It's a quarter to ten, over two hours past the kid’s bedtime, and so far she refuses to fall asleep. She's wide awake in her seat, chatting and laughing and singing like there’s no tomorrow. If Amy had as much as a spare drop of energy left -even better, if there had been another parent in the car to focus on entertaining their child - the whole thing would have been adorable, but tonight it’s exhausting above anything else. 

“Maaa-maaa?” Leah shouts the word from the back seat, wildly kicking her legs against the back cushioning, and Amy has to take a deep breath before she can reply in a calm tone. 

“Yes, baby?” 

“Are we there?”

“Not yet, Lee.”

Amy can see the reflection of Leah scrunching her forehead in the baby car mirror. “Why?”

“Because we still have a little way left to drive. We’ll be there soon, I promise.”

“Soon?” Leah shines up, kicking her legs again. “When is soon?”

“It will go faster if you close your eyes for a while,” She tries, using one of the oldest parenting tricks in the book. “I promise.”

“Not tired!” Her daughter responds in her cheeriest voice, and Amy gives herself a mental pat on the back for stifling a groan.

They repeat this exchange about ten times or so before Leah tires of it and returns to her singing. At that point, Amy’s counting it as a win. As much as she loves being this kid’s mom, there are indubitably times - and late-night drives with an overtired two-year-old in the back seat - when she loves it less. 

Then Leah falls asleep for the last ten miles of the drive and clutches her arms and legs around Amy like a koala to a tree when she’s lifted out of her car seat and carried to bed, and it’s easier than ever to love being a mom.

-

There’s never an uneventful day with all of the Santiagos in the same house, and it’s not any more relaxing with the extra presence of six partners, twelve grandchildren, and one dog. From the moment Amy and Leah make their way down to the kitchen for breakfast, and the toddler finds out there might be a cookie baking session with grandma happening today, the day is in full swing. Leah joins her in facetiming Jake for a few minutes to say good morning, but after that, Amy barely sees her daughter for more than a split second in several hours.

The chaos is a welcome distraction. She plays Cards Against Humanity with Luis’s teenage daughters and Julian until Simon starts begging them to help him make a YouTube video, and she teaches five-year-old Noah how to draw the perfect portrait of a horse. She reads a story to three-year-old Maisie, and she laughs heartily at the sight of Leah chasing Oscar the Bichon Frise around while yelling Kitty Cat!. For a few, wondrous hours, Amy manages to live in blissful oblivion over the two starkly negative pregnancy tests she unceremoniously shoved in the bathroom trash can before leaving yesterday, and it feels like heaven.

It feels like heaven up until she joins the crew of brothers and partners currently taking up space in the kitchen. Her brother Isaac is parked in the middle of the kitchen couch, feeding the youngest Santiago member, just-turned one-month-old Milo, with a bottle; around him Camila, Luis, Tony and his wife Clara all fawn over and admire every aspect of the newborn’s appearance. Christian, Julian and Julian’s husband Lucas are at the other end of the kitchen cuddling with and doting on the exhausted dog, and Amy silently curses her allergies for making her unable to join them. Simon just brought out his camera in the living room and she refuses to risk another unwilling YouTube appearance, so her only option is to sit down with the team of awestruck baby-admirers. 

“You forget how tiny they are,” Luis says, watching the infant with a nostalgic glance in his eyes. “I’ve had five, and you never get used to it.”

“You don’t,” Camila confirms with a small laugh, reaching out to stroke the baby’s closed fist with her thumb and index finger. “Not even I do. I’m shocked every time!” 

“I thought I remembered everything from when Maisie was born.” Isaac grins, giving the empty baby bottle to Camila and carefully lifting the infant upright against his shoulder. “But then he comes out, and I think he must be several pounds lighter because surely Maisie was never this tiny, but he was bigger!” He shakes his head. “It’s insane.”

“He’s so cute,” Tony chimes in. “Do you get to sleep anything? I’m nervous about that.” His left hand is resting next to Clara’s on top of her visible baby bump. Amy lets out an audible snort upon hearing about her brother’s main cause for worry, but Isaac just grins.

“You get used to it. It’ll probably be worse for Clara anyway.”

“Great.” Clara grimaces, turning to Amy. “I can’t even sleep now! I either have a baby sleeping on top of my bladder or kicking me in the ribs for the whole night.”

“I remember.” She smiles, thinking back to the few times late in her pregnancy she’d made Jake sleep on the couch only because she couldn’t stand listening to his snoring on top of it all. “It sucks, and then everyone keeps telling you to sleep while you still can and you’re trying not to punch them.”

“Exactly!” Her sister-in-law laughs, tucking a strand of red-blonde hair behind her ear. “At least everyone says it’s worth it.”

“If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t have done it so many times,” says Camila, and Clara looks relieved. “Oh, Amy, you need to hold Milo for a little while! He’s been in everyone’s arms except for yours today. Isaac, send him to Amy.”

“Oh.” She squirms in her seat, a nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach. “It’s okay. I was just going to look for Leah anyway -”

“Leah’s upstairs doing puzzles with Sarah and Samuel,” Isaac explains, referring to David’s two-year-old twins. “She’s fine. You can hold him, Ames.”

“I think I’m good… okay, no choice, I see.” Her younger brother’s already holding out the infant to her, and before she can adjust to the thought, there’s a tiny, yawning baby in her arms.

It’s achingly familiar, yet it feels like it’s been forever. 

At first, it’s like every muscle fiber in her body tenses with the sudden awareness that there's a fragile, helpless human in her arms and the weight of terrifying responsibility resting with her for a moment. It's been two years since Amy last held a newborn, and she certainly forgot how breakable they feel when they haven't learned to support their own head. Then Milo lets out a content sigh, his mouth twitching like he's smiling at her, and although she knows he's too small and it's likely just gas, the brief facial expression makes her feel chosen.

She's missed this, she realizes. Noting the classic Santiago baby appearance traits, the head of dark hair and the little button nose, she thinks of countless hours spent holding her own clingy newborn two years ago, and bites her lip when she remembers that she still has no idea when she’ll get to do it again. Milo’s adorable, and Amy's secretly wishing he could stay in her arms forever or she could steal him and take him home with her, but he's also a painful reminder of what she wants most and doesn't have yet.

“He likes you,” Isaac comments, nodding towards the infant. “You and Jake haven’t thought of having another one?”

She freezes at the sound of his question, instantly clueless about what constitutes a good reply. She could tell him the truth, of course, and probably receive a flood of well-meaning advice about the best ways to conceive, but doing so would lead to expectations. Santiagos aren’t known for struggling to have kids, and she’s terrified of handling a hoard of family members subtly trying to figure out whether or not she's pregnant every time they see her. It's enough pressure coming from herself. She doesn't need people adding to it - least of all her family. 

“Oh,” she says instead, avoiding eye contact by playing with one of Milo’s fists. “Well, we’re not sure yet.”

“Two years is the best age span between siblings,” Luis chimes in. “We always tried to aim for two years and our kids are super close.”

“Yes, yes, two years is perfect,” Camila agrees, nodding eagerly. “The adjustment is much more difficult when they’ve turned three, or four, and suddenly they’re not the youngest anymore… Sometimes I think Tony never got over his grudges against Simon!” 

“I’m telling you, mom, that’s not it, we have a grudge because four years ago he made me do that awful cinnamon challenge that almost gave me an asthma attack and filmed it -”

“Two years is great,” Christian interrupts his younger brother’s story without remorse. “We went for two years between Isabel and Noah and it was perfect. You do want to have more than one kid, right?”

Amy has never wished harder for a baby in her arms to start crying. 

She needs to get away, out of the situation where she has to hear and answer these sudden intrusive questions, but Milo shows no signs of waking. She’s stuck with a panicky, claustrophobic sensation in her chest and a forced smile on her lips. 

“We do,” she replies to Christian’s question, weighing every word carefully. “We’re just not sure when.”

“No point in waiting,” says Isaac, looking at the baby in Amy’s arms. “I wish we’d had Milo earlier!”

There must be a lack of air in the room, or her allergy medicines have stopped working and are making her react to the dog, because she can’t shake the feeling she’s suffocating. She's feeling trapped even in the spacious kitchen, and although she knows everyone has their eyes fixed on Milo, she can't shake the feeling it's her they're staring at. 

She wonders if they're seeing right through her; if they somehow know about negative pregnancy tests of yesterday, or if they can sense her desperation and frustration in the fake smile plastered on her face.

“I suppose you never know,” she answers somehow, heart pounding too quickly. “I, uh… have to go to the bathroom. Do you want to hold him for a little while, Clara?”

Amy senses eyes on her as she sneaks out the kitchen, hurries through the hallway and grabs her coat before heading out and sitting down on the porch, but she can't bring herself to care. She has to fill her lungs with fresh air and get away from well-meaning but prying questions, or she’s going to have a full-on breakdown. 

There’s a layer of snow on the ground, too thin for any children or adults to be playing in but enough to give a sense of hope for a white Christmas. She scrapes her fingers through the minuscule ice crystals gathered on the wooden decking, drawing an uneven heart with her index finger and following it with another. 

You do want to have more than one kid, right?

She draws a third, smaller heart below the two bigger ones.

You and Jake haven’t thought of having another one anytime soon? 

She draws a fourth tiny heart next to the third one.

No point in waiting.

She hides her fist in the sleeve of her winter coat, rubbing it over her drawings and turning them into nothingness. She curses the fact that Jake’s working, that he and Rosa are following up some highly important leads today and their mission would likely be sabotaged if she called and interrupted her husband now, and she curses the fact that Leah’s having the time of her life playing with her cousins and would probably scream in protest if Amy tried to steal her for cuddles. 

It’s not too cold outside with her warm coat keeping her comfortable, but she’s still shivering, so she wraps her arms around herself and tries to blink away the tears taking form in her eyes.

She’s aware she’s being ridiculous. Having a baby takes more than a couple months of trying in many, many cases - the majority of them, even. She’s far from unique, yet a sneaking suspicion and vexing anxiety are lingering with her. 

No point in waiting.

She puts one hand on her chest and one hand over her stomach, trying to focus on the fresh air flowing in through her nose and out through her mouth, filling and leaving her for each inhale and exhale.

“Just relax,” she whispers to herself, pretending it's Jake's voice saying the words, his unwavering belief that it will all be fine she's listening to. 

“Are you sure you’re still my sister? Have you had some kind of personality change?” 

“Huh?” Amy almost jumps at the sound of Julian’s voice, bringing her out of her focused breathing and forcing her to look up.

“You’re willingly outside in the cold weather,” he declares, slumping down next to her. “Even with a coat on, that's impressive for you.” She notes that he's only wearing a hoodie himself and seems unbothered by the temperature.

“I needed fresh air.”

“Because of Oscar? I swear his breed is supposed to be allergy-friendly, we researched that stuff in depth. Maybe your allergies are just undefeatable?”

“No, it’s fine as long as I don't pet him.” Amy places a hand on her brother's shoulder, squeezing it. “Oscar’s great. Leah's in love with him.”

“Isn't he amazing?” Julian's grin is comically wide, his eyes sparkling with undiluted pride. “He can sit, and roll, and catch, and play dead if he gets enough candy! Parenthood is incredible. I’m so glad our kids get along.” He doesn't entirely sound like he’s joking, and Amy can't help but laugh at his excitement. “So if it wasn't Oscar, why did you leave?”

“Were you listening to the conversation?”

“Eh, bits and pieces. How so?”

She sighs. “They - mom, and Isaac and Christian, mostly - interrogated me about whether we’re planning to have another baby anytime soon.”

“And you’re not?”

“We are! We’re actively trying for it.”

“Oh! Cool,” Julian nods, scratching the stubble on his chin. “I can get behind that. I wouldn't have anything against reproducing with those Peralta genes either if I could.” Amy elbows her brother in the side at that, probably way harder than necessary, and it makes him gasp in offense. “Hey! It’s just objective facts that he's attractive!”

“I’m telling Lucas you said that.”

“Lucas agrees. Either way - if you actually are trying, what's with the tears and the sudden storming out?”

“I didn't storm out,” she protests, and he gives her a meaning look of judgment as if to say yes, you did. “And it's nothing.”

Julian snorts. “Sure it is.”

“It's not a big deal.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“It's just making me a little stressed is all.” 

“A little.”

“Okay, okay, fine.” Amy groans, placing her head in both hands and quickly running her fingers through her hair. There's a knot in the back of it, and she busies herself trying to pull it apart as she speaks. “We are trying. It's just not going very well yet, I guess. It’s making me nervous, and it's not something I want to tell everyone in our family about, because, well… we’re not exactly known for struggling with that.”

Julian is silent, and there’s a moment where Amy wonders if she’s managed the impossible. For all their countless petty fights and differences, Julian has always had a reply to offer her. Sometimes he’s supportive, sometimes questioning, and sometimes he’s all over judging her decisions, but he never ignores her worries when she chooses to confide in him. It throws her off to see him take so long to answer her now, and she watches him twist the white gold wedding ring on his finger absentmindedly while he grimaces.

“No,” he says right as she starts to consider tapping him on the shoulder to make sure he’s conscious. “I guess we’re not known for struggling with anything. Has this… been a problem for a long time?”

“A couple of months.”

“...Is that a long time? I’m not great with this heterosexual business. I’m much better with waiting times for adopting a dog.”

The corner of her mouth twitches. “It’s not that long. But it’s longer when you don’t have a lot of time to begin with.” Julian looks about as perplexed as if she’d been trying to explain the intricate details of quantum physics to him, and she clarifies. “Fertility decreases as you age.”

“Right. Yeah.”

“I’m thirty-nine. Maybe I shouldn't panic yet, but in a year, or two…” Amy shakes her head. “It gets really low. Higher chances of miscarrying. Chromosome variations. Premature birth. You name it. Basically, the sooner I get pregnant now, the better and safer it is for everyone.”

“I see.”

“So there's some time pressure,” she explains further, connecting her hands inside the coat sleeves to eliminate the cold that's started to seep in. “And it’s making me terrified something's wrong with me already. That it's not going to work. That we’ll never be able to have a second kid. I know that's maybe not the end of the world, but… I really, really want it, and I’d be heartbroken if it didn’t happen.”

A pair of stubborn, humiliating teardrops make their way down her cheeks at the thought, and she untangles her hands to quickly wipe them away. 

“I’m sure it'll work out, Ames.” Julian's smile is partly sympathetic and partly insecure when he speaks, like this subject is miles out of his comfort zone but he's trying his best anyway. “As you said, two months is nothing, right? Mom was like, 42 when she had Simon. Surely if anyone's got the genes for this, it’s our family.”

“Yeah. It's never a guarantee, though, and I can’t handle their questions. Two years is the best time between siblings,” she imitates in an exaggerated high-pitched tone, and Julian laughs heartily. “As if I wasn’t already pressuring myself about the same thing. But I can't tell them that, because then they’d start asking.”

“Mm, our family does lack all understanding of what privacy is sometimes.” Julian grins. “There are several options even for gay men! Surrogates! Adoption! I read this article in a magazine where a pair co-parented with lesbians!” His shrill imitation tone is awful and hilarious at the same time, making Amy snicker. “I think she was mad at me for weeks after I told her we were happy with a dog. She means well, but it just becomes a lot.”

“Doesn’t get easier when it’s something you already want, either.” 

“You’ll be fine.”

“Maybe. I hope so.”

“If not, I’m pro-dogs. They’re pretty much like children, except you don’t have to create a college fund for them. A win-win situation if it weren’t for the fact that owning a dog could probably kill you. But other than that!” Julian stretches his arms over his head, looking mighty proud of himself. “Solid.”

“I’m already busy trying to talk Jake out of buying a cat,” says Amy, massaging her temples at the thought. “But he’s managed to get Leah obsessed with them, so I think I’m losing.”

“That’s why she’s calling Oscar a cat! Wow. Jake’s a genius.”

“Well, that and she’s two. And please don’t ever tell him that, because his ego would literally explode.”

Amy can feel her face going numb from the cold outside, a sudden gust of wind coming at them and making her eyes tear for a new reason. The fact that she’s lost track of time hits her, awakening an uneasiness and a sudden need to get inside and check up on how her daughter’s doing, so she gives Julian a quick, rare hug, and is surprised when he squeezes her back for a long time.

“Thanks for coming out,” she mumbles, and he nods.

“Of course. I just don’t like seeing you cry.”

“Aww, that’s kind of sweet.”

“You look so weird when you do,” he says with a smirk, and she rolls her eyes at the mock insult. “No one should have to see that.”

“Fuck off, Jules.”

“Yep. Now let’s go make sure our kids are still alive and haven’t eaten any couches. Is that a thing with human children too?”

~

january

It’s a good Christmas.

It’s a Christmas where Amy can allow herself some time to relax and unwind, put her worries aside and focus on her family during the ten days both her and Jake manage to garner off work. It’s a long-awaited and dearly welcomed break from early daycare drop-offs, ten-minute-dinners, and infinite planning to make sure nothing is forgotten. 

Instead there is time for slow wakeups, snuggling with Leah when she crawls into their bed in the early hours of the morning and giving in to her request of watching iPad in their bed only so they can keep their eyes closed for a little while longer. There's time for late-night conversations over a glass of wine that don't feel rushed because at least they don't have somewhere to be tomorrow, and there's time to properly see friends outside of work for the first time in what feels like forever. They go to dinner at Terry’s house, watch Rosa enjoy the indoor trampoline park even more than Leah does, and they gratefully accept Charles’ offer to babysit their daughter for a night. Amy figures the man has a specific motive in mind, but then Jake suggests they spend the night at a hotel and Leah gets ecstatic at the mention of watching Disney movies with her uncle Charles and Nikolaj, so she ends up saying yes. She’s only human, after all, and she’s not going to neglect the rare and precious chance of a sleep-in.

(The date also times mysteriously well with when she should be ovulating.)

(She does not want to ask.)

Even the yearly Christmas dinner with the Santiagos ends up being survivable. Although there are kids crying, odd snarky comments between Tony and Simon, and Leah outright refuses to wear anything but her sequined dinosaur shirt and glittery tights to the event, things proceed smoothly and Amy’s stress levels remain on the healthier part of the scale. She watches Jake hold and make funny faces at Milo and can feel her mom giving them meaning looks from across the room, but she breathes through it and silently thanks the Universe when Leah chooses that exact moment to climb onto Amy’s lap and ask if they can read one of her new books. Sure, part of her wishes she could be gifting her husband a crafted announcement with a baby onesie and a positive pregnancy test much like the ones she’s pinned on Pinterest, but the tender way he hugs her thank you after he opens his gift and sees the photo book filled with pictures with him and Leah, is more than enough to ease her sorrow. He gifts her a gold necklace with the letters J and L in separate miniature hearts, and when he tells her it’s so she can always be keeping them next to her own heart, she tears up and kisses him so long and ardently that he looks a little dazed, blinking with surprise when they part.

It’s a good New Year’s Eve, too. They spend the first part of the evening at the Holt-Cozner New Year’s Party, listening to their daughter proudly tell every guest she’s going to stay up until midnight, and then they try not to laugh when she passes out the moment she’s in her car seat at half-past nine. Jake and Amy end their year in pajamas on the couch, toasting in champagne just for the sake of it and going right to bed afterward.

Next year we’ll have another baby, she thinks to herself before falling asleep about fifteen minutes into the new year, a new sense of shimmering optimism lingering with her. It has to have worked by then.

January is hell. Everyone knows it, specifically, everyone who’s had children at daycare, because January means no one is healthy and neither Jake nor Amy manage a full week at work without taking time off to care for a sick child or themselves. Amy prays they’ll make it through without any cases of stomach flu, but such seems to have been too much to ask, because she’s woken up by devastating crying from Leah’s room on the one night Jake’s doing a night shift and she knows before the two-year-old’s even started retching. 

She doesn’t get any sleep that night.

She doesn’t get any sleep the next night either, because when Leah stops throwing up and Amy feels like she can breathe again when the child keeps some applesauce down and asks if she can watch Doc McStuffins, it only takes three hours before Jake starts complaining about feeling sick. 

January must surely be some twisted sort of a joke, she thinks, and disinfects her hands an extra time before she goes to remind her very miserable husband that he’s not actually dying. 

It’s only natural, amid the virus-filled havoc, that it takes her a few days to realize she hasn’t gotten her period.  

Come to think of it, she is feeling a bit nauseous. The excessive fatigue and emotional imbalance she knows were early symptoms in her first pregnancy is harder to distinguish from the exhaustion after two intense days of caring for poorly family members, but she’s a mom and a Santiago and she categorically never gets sick. 

She gives the nausea a day, waiting for it to break out into the same flu Jake and Leah are already victims of, but it doesn’t. It stays the same.

Amy’s never been so excited about nausea in her life.

She waits until Leah’s gone to bed, falling asleep in Amy’s arms on the couch. The two-year-old’s still not quite her energetic, bubbly self and has been stuck to her parents like a needy band-aid for most of the day, and it could have been tiring if it hadn’t also meant lots of cuddles. Right now, though, Amy's arms and back are happy to get a break from carrying the kid around while she lays down next to Jake instead, spooning him and receiving a grateful smile when she starts playing with his hair.

“How are you feeling, babe?”

“Dying. I think I might be dead already,” he groans before turning his head and looking her in the eyes with feigned seriousness. “Please say something nice at my funeral and promise me you'll take care of Charles when I'm gone.”

“You're not dying, Jake.”

“How d’you know?”

“Because you haven't thrown up since last night and you only have a slight fever,” she reminds him, feeling his lukewarm forehead. “You're fine.”

“I am definitely much better with a hot girl draped on top of me,” he says with a smug expression, his hand gently stroking under her old NYPD shirt up her back. She rolls her eyes, because looks haven't exactly been the top priority for the last three days and she's not sure when she last washed her hair, yet Jake never stops making an effort to charm her. “How are you feeling, Ames?”

“Actually, I've been kind of nauseous all day. But I'm not sure it's stomach flu.”

“Huh? What else would it be?”

“I'm thinking,” she presses her index finger to his chest, “maybe I should take a pregnancy test.”

“Oh.” He squints at her. “Why?”

Amy gives him an exasperated look.

“Okay, yeah. But you’ve also spent the last three days taking care of your sick family. Leah was throwing up on us. Are you sure you're not just ill?”

“I have a good feeling,” she insists, because she does - there's a renewed sense of hope and blind faith that perhaps this could be it, resting with her. “And I never get sick.”

“Once again, your daughter was vomiting on you and I'm still convinced I might be dying. This is a brutal virus, Ames.”

“Clearly.” She runs her fingers through his messier-than-usual curls again, and his mouth shapes into a content smile despite his still worried eyes. “I’m still going to take that test, though. In case.”

“In case,” he repeats slowly. “Well, it’s your body.”

“Exactly.” She kisses his forehead. “You get it. I’ll be right back.”

Amy takes these tests with ease now. She’s been doing them two, three times extra following every first negative in a desperate hope for the result to change. False negatives are common, test results are safer the longer after a missed period they’re taken, and there’s no reason not to test an extra time. Long story short, she's becoming a pro at taking pregnancy tests, but so far the single lines and minus signs are staying the same.

She says a silent prayer this one will be an exception. 

Plastic cap off, pee for five seconds, plastic cap back on, lay the test flat and wait while trying not to freak out. She manages all steps but the final. 

She carries the little plastic stick out to the living room coffee table gently as if it had been made of glass.

“Three minutes,” she informs Jake, and he nods while she sets a timer on her phone. In three minutes, they'll know whether her good feeling is right or dead wrong, and the nausea increases but this time Amy thinks it's nerves.

She doesn't want to stare, but she does anyway, waiting for a second line to appear no matter how faint. Jake sits up next to her, taking her hand and rubbing his thumb over her knuckles, and she manages a weak smile without lifting her eyes from the test.

The timer goes off without a second line appearing. 

Amy lifts the test to inspect it closer, but there's not even a hint of anything. She gives it to Jake for a second opinion, and he inspects it just as closely before shaking his head and mumbling a quiet sorry, babe. 

She's not pregnant this month either.

“It’s okay, Ames. Three months is nothing.”

She doesn’t realize there are tears in her eyes until they’re trailing down her cheeks and Jake’s hand is there, wiping them away. She presses on his wrist to move it, make him stop because she’s not okay and she doesn’t want him pressuring her to feel anything but the searing disappointment coursing through her veins.

“It’s not,” she says, shaking her head. “I just feel so stupid. I thought I was feeling something.”

“You’re not stupid,” he tells her, and the tenderness in his voice erases her annoyance. “You want this really bad. I do, too, but… well, it’s not my body.”

“Not your body being a massive failure.”

“Hey!” Jake holds up one hand like he’s making a stop motion. “No one talks that way about my wife!”

“Ha-ha.”

“I’m serious! You don’t get to say those things, okay? You know it’s not true.” She hums a doubting sound, and he sighs, placing his arm around her shoulders. “Ames, we’ll just try again. We already did a great job once, and there are moments I wish we hadn’t, because if we didn’t have a toddler in daycare I would be so much healthier… okay, I still don’t regret it,” he adds. “Except maybe the daycare part, because I swear I’m sick all the time.”

“You love our daycare! Without it, you’d never get to eat that Scientology-guy’s chocolate chip cookies at every parent meeting.”

“Fair point. Craig, right? Weirdly good baker. Fine - I guess I don’t regret the daycare either. But you’re about to.”

This time, she’s the one squinting at him in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Still feeling nauseous?”

“Kind of, why are you… oh, no.”

“Oh, yes. Your immune system isn’t undefeatable!” 

“It’s still better than yours,” she counters, and Jake just grins.

“But not undefeatable.”

She gives him a slow nod, trying to hide the despondency on her face as she takes the negative test from his hands.

“I’m just going to throw this away.”

Amy is certain of it when she wakes up three hours later, almost throwing herself out of bed to make it to the bathroom in time - January is officially and unquestionably hell. 

~

[identityexcavationstation]

The High Fidelity Remake is Good and my Identity is Irreversibly Linked to Music Consumption

Hi! So, I’m kinda insane about playlists.

This year I’ve made a lot of them. They’ve been short and snappy on index cards, scanned and pasted in a book and uploaded to the internet. (I’ve really fallen in love with index card playlists and they’re my thing now and I think everyone should do them always and forever.) They were easy to churn out as a retrospective exercise because the music I listened to as a teenager really defined my high school experience. Also, I have most of my favorite songs from that period in a very dramatic playlist I started in 2014 so it was really a game of copy-and-paste. 

Making these smol boys in batches has been a really peculiar experience because for years now, I’ve only made one playlist at a time. In my second semester of college, I’d officially burned myself out listening to only CHVRCHES for three months and began venturing elsewhere. (Don’t get me wrong, CHVRCHES absolutely bangs, but you can only listen to “Never Ending Circles” so many times before getting seasick.) All of the random songs I was listening to made me feel kinda hazy and purple, like I’d done all of this before. So I made a playlist full of them and called it “Deja Vu.”

I added to it all semester, and then suddenly it was summer and I didn’t feel purple and hazy anymore⁠—everything was blue and crisp on the way to South Haven as my friend blasted “Settle Down” by Kimbra in her beat-up Honda. So I started a new playlist and named it the first word that popped into my head: “Roots.”

Using Deja Vu as a rubric, I developed some ground rules for the playlists I would go on to create. They are pretty nonsensical but also exceedingly firm because if I don’t make rules for every area of my life I feel like I’m falling into a deep and limitless void. Health! Anyway, the rules are:

The playlist’s title has to be a short noun (seven letters maximum).

This has since transformed into a noun that is also a verb.

To generate a title, I ask myself what short word I would use to describe the phase of life I’m currently in. The answer comes quickly and reflexively, and I choose the very first word I think of.

One song per artist, no repeats!

Exceptions are made for artists who are featured on a track.

There have been times when I’ve obsessively listened to a whole album or an artist’s entire discography, so I have to choose just one song that represents the very best of that album or artist.

Tracks are added chronologically, based on when I first hear them and/or start listening to them compulsively.

The playlist has to contain an amount of tracks that is divisible by five.

If a song in a playlist is deleted from Spotify, I have to find a replacement asap that is accurate to what I was listening to when that playlist was being created.

and, most importantly, 

I can’t make a new playlist until I feel I’m finished with the current one.

These playlists represent seasons of my life, cycles in which I change and evolve and stagnate and fuck up and try again. The only rule I have for beginning a new playlist is that I feel done with the current one—those songs are a little stale and don’t represent me anymore. These “seasons” don’t have any set length, and I can never predict when I’ll feel like a new being who needs new songs to define her. So far, my life has looked like this:

Deja Vu - 176 days (12.03.16 - 05.28.17) Most common lyrics: now, love, time, need, take

snow that covers ivy that covers bricks, towers made from dining hall dishes, smiling at the bus stop without knowing, sheet masks in the dorm bathroom at 2am, pink string lights and pink crocheted blankets and pink shag carpeting, cheap beer behind tarps and walking everyone home

Roots - 111 days (05.28.17 - 09.16.17)  Most common lyrics: love, one, give, wanna, know

t-shirt tan lines, mozzarella and tomato and basil and singed spaghetti, sunset walks around abandoned high schools, green leaves outlined in watercolor, the smell of mildew and old paper in banker’s boxes, sweat-soaked french braids, the knife twist of eye contact, tarot readings under lamplight

Walls - 110 days (09.16.17 - 01.04.18)   Most common lyrics: wanna, know, baby, take, feel

crying in the gender-neutral restroom, pretty boys holding guitars or rolling rock, photos in the forest, blue carpeting and lofted bedframes, pitch-black bonfires, sitting in the dining hall to just watch the people pass, snow on eyelashes in large wet clumps, laughing at lies

Bite - 78 days (01.04.18 - 03.23.18)    Most common lyrics: know, love, stay, come, need

impatience at the airport, texting on the laundry room floor, nervous night drives, five grilled cheese sandwiches, acne like freckles, ceiling photos taken in secret, watercolor lines and paper houses, broken glass on the sidewalk, ink-stained forearms, notebook paper comics, writing small on basement walls

Windows - 131 days (03.23.18 - 08.01.18)   Most common lyrics: love, now, know, baby, fall

books piled up by the bed, rum and coke and orange juice and vodka and cheap white wine, rainy day night walks, streetlights turning the leaves orange, echoes from the party upstairs, solo trips to the grocery store, always leaving the blinds open, aperol and chai lattes and smørrebrød, never coming home

Grip - 136 days (08.01.18 - 12.15.18)    Most common lyrics: know, boy, lost, girl, night

read receipts, the creaking of an empty house, sand and bricks and traffic cones, sitting on the curb and shaking, applause at dinner, bubble tea, bike rides in torn jeans, mr brightside blasting at 10am, doodles during lectures, embroidery at the kitchen table, blue bus panic attacks, half an apple for lunch

Wait - 117 days (12.15.18 - 04.11.19)  Most common lyrics: heart, want, one, back, know

crying in the lobby, measuring oats by the quarter cup, drunken voice memos, shoes on power lines, another bowl of granola, reading all the lyrics, photos taken with the flash on, sleeping on strange couches, shoeboxes full of photographs, wire catching the sunlight, fifteen minutes of windchill

Wave - 108 days (04.11.19 - 07.28.19)  Most common lyrics: wanna, know, now, love, come

dancing on the porch, reading on the roof, tipsy trips to the corner store, silent heavy parlor air, chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting, barred windows and string lights and exit signs, highlighting the important parts, nails tapping on wooden tables, wet wind before the storm, biking straight into the smoke

Home - 178 days (07.28.19 - 01.22.20)   Most common lyrics: down, know, now, wanna, think

steep downhill walks, fingertips covered in graphite and lead, blank faces on green walls, forest walkways, hands gripping thighs too tightly, light leaks in darkrooms, the handwriting of strangers, chains trapped between teeth, white words left unread, twirling at the tennis court, yellow becoming blue

Hand - 63 days (01.22.20 - 03.25.20)   Most common lyrics: know, time, love, die, back

masking tape messages, laughing four shots in, BiC .07mm HB mechanical pencils slipped into coat cuffs, cheeks blushed with red ink, green floodlights and kissed knuckles, windows fogged from the inside, falling asleep with earbuds in, finger guns and everything in boxes, wedging open locked doors

_______________________________________________________________________

It’s interesting to look back at these playlists altogether, see them as self-contained units, little stories I tell about myself, about the people I used to be. Adding a song to one of these playlists was like making a vow, entering a relationship with a collection of sounds. It’s like I was saying “this song is now a part of me.” I constructed this little world for myself in the space between my ears, and it, in turn, created me.

I really mean it when I say that the first word that floats to the front of my mind becomes the title of whatever playlist I’m making. I never question what the word means, and its meaning always ends up describing that season of my life. 

“Roots” became a period of reconnecting with essential pieces of myself I thought I had abandoned. 

During “Grip,” I was holding on so tightly to things that had left me ages ago, and I think I knew that, even if I was unable to admit it to myself. 

“Wait” revealed itself in two ways: it was a time in which 1.) I felt stagnant and restless, unable to be patient, and 2.) I was forced to grasp with a physical and emotional weight that had been bearing down on me. 

The mind is a magical thing—it processes what we refuse to recognize. 

Speaking of which, these playlist covers have been driving me up the wall for ages. They’re like nails on a freaking chalkboard for my synesthesia. Is “Bite” a heavily blue playlist? Sure. But is “Home” purple? Is “Grip” pink??? I think the fuck not! 

(I could do a whole goddamn blog post on synesthesia, and I might.)

Now that I know how to switch out playlist cover art (can you believe it’s taken me this long to figure out how to do that?), I have decided to issue myself a challenge/project/way to procrastinate actual work I have to do. 

I’d like to make a piece of cover art for all of the above playlists. And because I am, to reiterate, insane, I’m setting up some Rules For Creation:

All works must be the same size, on the same type of paper using similar materials (tbd but probably graphite, colored pencil, watercolor, fineliners, and/or collage).

The preliminary sketch for each cover must be created while listening to the playlist.

Each piece can (must?) incorporate the five most common lyrics as listed above because goddammit I did not spend four hours compiling lyrics in a web-based word cloud generator for nothing.

If I’m not having fun, I won’t make myself do it because this is literally just for laffs. 

Anyway, I’m looking forward to creating some fun weird art! I know nobody is gonna read this and nobody is gonna comment but if, by some miracle, you feel like it, comment a playlist you’ve made that you’re really proud of! Or comment if you have some weird playlist rules! Or cyberbully me! Anything’s fair game. 

TL;DR playlists are fun and I’m a maniac :)

[imdoingthismspaintadventure]

In which we close a narrative loop and dave is a tsun

Dave: Get the damn beta and save your friend's life!

Let’s get a move on!!

Finally the betas are easily accesible when we want them to be, instead of spending 40 pages finding them by doing things like throwing cakes out the window

This notion strikes you as nonsensical. You can't imagine how a video game could save someone's life, and in any case, you're quite sure no one you know is in any danger.

.... fucking what

Is this before the other things? Have we gone slightly back in time in terms of the general story? Is this while John was fucking around in his room?

....Does this mean that we will lose these betas somehow in the inmediate future because nothing can ever be easy? Oh no

Anyway, these are your copies of the beta you received in the mail recently. You've labeled them with your name in BOLD RED PRINT to distinguish them from your BRO's copies, who labeled his in kind. Neither of you really gives a shit about this game or has any intention of playing it, but you'll be damned if you'll let that get in the way of your campaign of one-upmanship.

What is it with these kids and weird family relationships?

I predict we will lose our copies and we will have to get Bro’s copies, based on that each kid so far has had their parent/authority figure as an antagonistic force.

Dave: Bleat like a goat and piss on your turntable.

Oh god this is indeed a pattern we are going to be following!

We had the “wrong name” bit, the “find your arms” bit, the “idiotic command” bit....Are we going to do them again for GG when they are introduced? I wonder what this command will be then.

You would never consider allowing any fluid even remotely resembling urine to touch your beloved TURNTABLES. That would risk breaking them, and a world without the gift of your godly science just doesn't sound like a place you want any part of. While you're at it, you might as well wipe out human civilization with a meteor or something ridiculous like that which will probably never happen.

I like that the “on your turntable” part is the outrageous part of “bleat like a goat and piss on your turntable” for Dave. Kid values his raps more than his life. Although it’s probably true that the world would be lesser without those wonderful, wonderful things.

And yeah, nothing to worry about with meteors and such, Dave. I’m sure nothing bad will happen, ever. Just like how those game copies you have are going to be safe and accesible forever.

That sort of thing only happens in stupid idiot movies for stupid idiots.

Oh come on, I’m sure you can find a bit of value in them, even if it’s in a “so bad it’s good” kind of way.

==>

...wait, are you really considering it?

You will however contemplate bleating like a goat for IRONICALLY HUMOROUS purposes at a later date.

...I will keep that in mind in case it comes up later.

If PS has taught me anything is that these comics are Chekhov’s armories

Dave: Examine closet.

So inside the closet there is yet another package (probably a gift from John, judging by the pattern we seem to be having. Seriously, do all these kids send each other presents in the same manner? ) and some sort of drink?

This is your closet. This is where you keep a lot of your crap.

Most accurate description of a closet ever

Like that BOX. And that bottle of... what is that? Is that...?

.....

Is that seriously a jar of piss? I would say “wtf” loudly, but your room is such a weird combination of things (including those weird fetus/ dissecated animals/ weeeeird shit) that I wouldn’t even be suprised

Dave: Check the blue box.

.....WHAT?

W-Why is there the BLACK OILY SUBSTANCE THAT STAINED THE KITCHEN WHERE JOHN IS STRANDED IN THE VOID HERE, ON THE PACKAGE??

Does the oil have multiversal properties? If it stains one’s house it also retroactively stains his possesions?? Or is this package from after those events?? Has it gone back in time??

WHAT??

But first let’s stop for a moment to appreciate the fact that Dave has a signed Stiller poster

This is the package that your friend John Egbert sent you for your 13th birthday a little while ago. It now contains nothing except a NOTE and a CERTIFICATE OF AUTHENTICITY vouching for the genuine Hollywood memorabilia which the box originally contained, and which you are now wearing to be IRONIC but also to be INCREDIBLY COOL IN A WAY SOMEHOW INTANGIBLY RELATED TO THE IRONIC NATURE OF THE ACCESSORY. You find it sort of exasperating to explain these subtleties to people.

John gave him the shades!! And they are apparently the real shades Ben Stiller wore in the movie!! That means that they are not *the* universal shades of PS, unless the shades in the Stiller bust were these ones and they somehow ended up there. But isn’t PS a videogame in this universe? But these shades had the universal glow?

Let’s not think too hard about that. It’s probably just an easter egg.

Also Dave please write a thesis on irony, the world needs it please.

The BOX also included a signed photo of BEN STILLER which now proudly hangs above your closet. Proudly and IRONICALLY.

I really like this totally (un)cool hipster kid.

Dave: Take box.

ohwahtthefuck

WHY ARE THE SYLLADEXES GETTING WORSE???

So it classifies things based on the balance of consonants and vocals in the name of the object and assigning an index value like in a hash map.

Oh boy this is a completely useless one in terms of getting shit done quickly, unless you have a godly grasp on words and their composition.

You captchalogue the BOX through your HASH MAP FETCH MODUS. Your modus's current HASH FUNCTION resolves the index by valuing each consonant at 2, and each vowel at 1. The total is divided by your number of cards, and the remainder is the index. BOX = 2 + 1 + 2 = 5 5 % 10 = 5 The BOX is captchalogued in card 5.

Just...LOOK at this

Look at this madness.

Dave: Examine jar of unknown yellow substance in the closet.

I don’t know why, but the combination of the quick turnaround, the fanfare and the fucking apple’s face makes this way more funny than it should be.

So it WAS apple juice after all.

Oh hell yes. It is an unopened container of APPLE JUICE. You thought you were all out. It is like fucking christmas up in here. This is so great. You've got to tell John about this immediately. He'll be so excited.

Oh wait, is this before the first conversation, when Dave and John talked about Little Monsters and Apple Juices? Is this why that conversation was as out of left field as it was?

I see how it all fits together now

Dave: Take juice.

You captchalogue the JUICE into card 7. 2+1+1+2+1 %10 = 7.

Dear god is this system nightmarish

Dave: Access Pesterchum and pester John.

Oh I can see the loop closing!

In addition to letting your buddy know about this outstanding juice windfall, you figure you'll wish him a happy birthday while you're at it. In your own cool, sort of roundabout way of course. Good thing you looked at that box he sent you, or you might have forgotten. You also might as well ask him about that beta. The kid's been harping about it for weeks. It would be cool if it came on his birthday. He'd be one happy camper.

Dave is such a tsundere in his friendships holy shit. You care about your friends a lot you dork

That background is rad

Wtf is “Complete Bullshit” as an app. (Probably some complete bullshit)

Ill beats because the laws of this universe demand it

Hephaestus, isn’t that the god of the blacksmiths and craftsmen? Cool icon. Reminds me of those flash games where the icons all fought each other.

Of course his emote in Pesterchum is  S m o o t h

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 18:13 -- TG: hey so what sort of insane loot did you rake in today EB: i got a little monsters poster, it's so awesome. i'm going to watch it again today, the applejuice scene was so funny. TG: oh hell that is such a coincidence i just found an unopened container of apple juice in my closet it is like fucking christmas up in here EB: ok thats fine, but i just have one question and then a word of caution. have you ever seen a movie called little monsters starring howie mandel and fred savage? TG: but TG: the seal on the bottle is unbroken TG: are you suggesting someone put piss in my apple juice at the factory EB: all im saying is don't you think monster howie mandel has the power to do something as simple as reseal a bottle? EB: try using your brain numbnuts. TG: why did the fat kid or whoever drank it know what piss tasted like TG: i mean his reaction was nigh instantaneous EB: it was the 15th day in a row howie mandel peed in his juice. TG: ok i can accept that TG: monster B-list celebrity douchebags are cunning and persistent pranksters TG: also fred savage has a really punchable face TG: but who cares about this lets stop talking about it TG: did you get the beta yet EB: no. EB: did you? TG: man i got two copies already TG: but i dont care im not going to play it or anything the game sounds boring TG: did you see how it got slammed in game bro???? EB: game bro is a joke and we both know it. TG: yeah TG: why dont you go check your mail maybe its there now EB: alright.

And they DID indeed have the exact same conversation!!!

We are indeed back in time!!

We are sooooo gonna lose those Betas!!!! : D