#even ascended astarion was like “missed you so much friend”

[monsterlimbs]

Just finished a bg3 playthrough for the first time today and did a redeemed durge x Gale route and the epilogue party was so funny because

"Dark Lord Astarion" was like "I missed you sm life is actually so fucking boring without you", Jaheira was like "oh how nice it is to be understood again" when Mordriel jested back with her, Shadowheart was ecstatic to see him and teased him and was the one to initiate a hug, Karlach (who had been w Mordriel the whole time since they went to Avernus together) was so ecstatic that her flames even turned blue when he hugged her, Minsc was super excited to tell his hostage about Mordriel and the others, Lae'zel was so sentimental and sweet and told Mordriel unprovoked that even if she had a knife pressed to her throat she wouldn't deny it, Wyll was bugged and at first thought Mordriel was Lae'zel lmao (I'm assuming an origin and companion dialogue tag was the same when it should've been different and because she became a Vlaakith-hunter, it made Mordriel look like the Vlaakith-hunter Lae'zel), Halsin was like "god these last 6 months have been SO long without you god I missed you so much" and after being hugged the first time said that it was def worth the wait and after the second time was like "I could get used to this" and also his hug animation had him CONTINUING TO HOLD MORDRIEL'S HANDS FOR LIKE 4 SECONDS AFTER THE HUG ENDED, Tara was pretty annoyed with Mordriel because he helped Gale ascend but because he wasn't a total ass she did actually sort of come around and go "I know once he had his mind set on it you couldn't have helped it but ugh :(", etc....

and then motherfucking Gale, who Mordriel romanced, called him over saying "my friend" LIKE WDYM YOUR FRIEND? YOU'RE TOGETHER? though I believe that was bugged as well lol so I don't think that was supposed to happen and then didn't even say he missed him like you haven't seen the love of your life in half a year girly pop.

Also, throughout the acts, Lae'zel, Astarion and Halsin all tried to initiate something w Mordriel, so I'm headcanoning this as them all having crushes on him even after these months lol because those three especially had the most intimate (intimate as in lovey-dovey/close, not sexual) greetings and such towards him.

[yandere-sins]

Favorite

You are Astarion's favorite blood sacrifice. He decides to reward you for it.

Characters: Yandere!Ascended!Astarion x GN!Reader Fandom: Baldur's Gate 3 Warnings: Yandere, Vampires, Reader nearly dies, Blood being mentioned in all manners, Biting, Death mention, Minor sexual hints, Desperation, Possessiveness, Obsessiveness, Minor violent acts (not directed at reader except biting)

a/n: I don't have a big Halloween story for you guys, but I've been trying to get back into writing more and I've been working on this story the last couple of days, so I hope you enjoy it ♥ (I mean it's vampires so that's almost Halloween-themed right???)

Darkness is a vampire's best friend. 

It shields them, hides them, benefits them—all without expecting something in return. It's nature's way of making up for all the pain and suffering it put its less loved children of the night through, and they welcome it, moonlight glistening on their skin, their perception so much sharper without the fear of sunlight's burn. 

Like eager partners in crime, a vampire's gifts are amplified by what the darkness provides. They stalk in the shadowy coat of the night; see the prey that wants to stay unseen. Their voices, mellow and honeyed, sound even sweeter, whispered in the ears of those who wander into the vampire's hunting grounds as the creatures lure their prey with promises of grandeur. Fame, money, lust. It seems to be all that their food desires. What more could someone want who's unaware of being tricked? And so they follow wherever the masters of night command them. 

Deeper and deeper into the darkness.

"Hello, darling."

You came to hate it—all of it. The darkness, the night.

The whispers and touches, promises and the hunt. You knew he had many more like you, living blood banks stored in cold, dark cells. You heard them scream every night when the bell rang twelve, the darkest hour of the day. Sometimes, you recognized the cries as the ones from days before, but you never knew when would be the last time you'd hear the poor souls lost in the darkness. New ones came and went, but you were the only one that remained after every night. 

Somewhere between three and four months, you lost count of the days spent here. You tried to remember how many times you'd been visited, but one miscount, and now you didn't know if it had been one or ten years. You would have expected to get mad in the darkness, alone and aching from your shoulders to your ankles, with no place on your body unbitten. But Astarion was punctual—perhaps the only good quality about him. That was the only thing to keep you grounded down here.

He didn't miss a single day of feeding or, as he called it, spending time with you. 

Alongside your meal, he showed up at exactly midnight every night, someone always there to close the door behind him without fail. You had never seen his face, but you had felt it plenty of times beneath your fingertips, enough to know he was one of those handsome bloodsuckers who kidnapped and locked you here. At least for now, as long as you were pretty enough in his eyes as well. Eyes that you felt creeping over your body the moment the only door to the outside opened, only more darkness waiting behind it. They mustered you, devoured you perhaps, an appetizer before the main course. 

You knew nothing of your nightly visitor besides his punctuality and his name. There was no face to associate it with, just the feeling of his cold skin and the sharp pain of his fangs in your memory. And yet, something told you he was special even among his kind. Somewhat… superior. He still had the capability to be gentle if he wanted, never causing you to cry out in agony like the other sacrificial lambs did. And more importantly, after all this time, you were sure he was the one keeping you alive.

"Astarion," you greeted him, simply, calmly. Hiding the shiver in your voice despite the room growing colder ever since he stepped inside. It was hard to say if you were still afraid of death when it was a constant threat like a noose hanging above your head. Perhaps you dreaded surviving more than dying if you thought about it, your heart growing heavier with fear and loneliness every day. But at the same time, you grew more and more desensitized to the screams and pain and more used to the darkness.

Hugging your body with one arm, you used the other to walk along the wall to your chair, the wood creaking as you sat down, scooting it closer to the table. He liked it when you did what he wanted without him having to ask you to. Astarion's steps were non-existent, but you needn't wait for or invite him to join you. You could always count on his chest pressing against your back the moment you sat down as he leaned over you from behind. It was a familiar yet suppressive feeling. A reminder of your position. 

You were below him, prey to be consumed. Yet, he treated you more like a pet, almost beloved, but at best, you were well-cared for. You doubted he could feel anything towards you that wasn't belittling. You'd not thrive in the darkness on your own, but Astarion knew how to keep you alive. A waft of roasted chicken drifted into your nose, hearty and mouth-watering, and you had no doubts it would be accompanied by sides that would nourish the dire lack of vitamins you had. He had always insisted on you finishing your plate, feeding you himself if he had to. It couldn't go that you'd not eat what he graciously provided. But this was the only meal you were given every day, and the loss of blood made you too hungry to strike.

You tried once. For almost a week, you starved yourself until you could not do it anymore. Continuing not to eat when you were starving and food was served in masses to you cost too much willpower that you didn't have. Likewise, eating the food with the condition that you had to sit on his lap and thank him for every measly pea he fed you one after the other was enough humiliation to never try that again. And Astarion had been happy since with your plate wiped clean.

"You smell delightfully today," he mused as he drew back from the table. You felt his lips brush over your bare shoulder, your breath hitching when he pressed them to the nape of your neck. You'd not put it past him to eat before you, even though he seemed satisfied waiting for you to finish most of the time.

"Garbor gave me new soap today. Roses, I think," you breathed, reaching forward to the cutlery that, no doubt, laid beside the plate Astarion brought. It just appeared, almost magically. But you were pretty sure it was there all along, Garbor, the guard, probably cleaning and switching it out while you were asleep. You didn't even know if his name was Garbor; you merely decided to call him that. After all, no one would speak to you here aside from Astarion, even if you knew they existed in the shadows. 

"Sure, if that's what you want to believe," Astarion chuckled, his comment profoundly unsettling as you knew what he meant when he said you smelled nice. Your blood. To him, you must have smelled as mouth-wateringly as your meal did to you. You had always empathized with animals, wishing for them to live their lives as best as possible, even if they were destined to be slaughtered. Ironic, now that you were cattle to a vampire, likely being fed according to Astarion's tastes. 

"Next time, I think I'd like something citrusy again. The last soap was divine."

His hands driving up your arms made you nervous. They were unfettered by your movements as you aimlessly tried to pierce meat and vegetables onto your fork, your eyes never adjusting to the complete darkness of the basement cellar. You weren't a vampire, after all. Despite the time spent down here, the broken fear and authority between you two, he could still make you nervous. And you talked when you were anxious, to the point you wanted to bite your own tongue off.

A mix of a chuckle and a scoff escaped him as he wrapped his fingers around your neck, his nails resting softly against your throat while his thumbs ran up and down the sides of your spine in feathery touches. Slowly, reassuring you of his presence. And the ability to snap your neck with this formidable cut-throat necklace. He readjusted his touch a few times until his pointer fingers pressed against your pulse on one side, your gullet on the other. Enough for you to eat and breathe, but you didn't dare to move your head. 

"I shall tell… Garbor, to fetch that for you. Anything else? Another pillow? A new shirt? Would my darling fancy some earrings? We just so happen to have someone donate a wonderful pair of rubies that would look so beautifully dangling from your ears."

A shudder went through you; the word 'donate' was not one to take kindly. People donated to charities and beggars. Not to someone who could put meat on a plate every day for you and obviously had no saintly bone in his body. Gulping down the chicken that got stuck on your tongue as you listened to the sultry voice of your captor, you put down the fork for a moment to think, clearing your throat as best as you could with his hands still pretending to be a necklace. 

"A candle maybe, and a book. I feel like now's a great time to pick up a new hobby."

You heard the grin spread on Astarion's lips as he chuckled, his thumbs curling inwards until you felt his nails press against your skin. "I do so very like those entertaining ideas of yours, sweetling. But alas, I'm afraid I cannot give you that. You'd end up preferring the book over my company!"

"How could I ever, Sir? I wasn't planning on going on a paper diet."

This time, he actually burst out into laughter, hands disappearing into the darkness as you presumed he held his stomach from the ache of amusement. You wasted no time to stuff two more bites into your mouth as long as you had the freedom that was oh-so short-lived. His hands banging on the table in front of you created an explosive sound in the small confinement you called home. Compared to the cold body pressed against you, his breath skimmed your ear warmly, his voice like honey dripping right into your ear. 

"That's why you're my favorite. Those little witty comments of yours have saved you so many times, you know?"

The food you were so eager to sneak into your mouth now threatened to fall out of it as you couldn't find the strength to swallow. Some instinctual part of you waited for him to attack, exploit your vulnerable self. It readied you, muscles tense, body paying attention to everything it could perceive (which was shamefully little with your senses so inferior to the vampire). But then there was the rational part of your brain, currently occupied with the warmth of his breath gracing your ear and cheek, and his words. 

Favorite. You were his favorite.

You forced yourself to finish chewing, slowly, embarrassingly aware of Astarion waiting for another 'witty' remark from his favorite. Favorite late-night amusement? Favorite person to take care of? Favorite blood bag? You felt his eyes drilling into your jaw expectantly as you chewed your food properly before you leaned forward to reach for the cup of water that was unmistakably always on the table. Perhaps because of the darkness, you were so very aware of your hair brushing his nose and the deep inhale it caused Astarion to take before he pressed his face into it, gripping a bunch of it with one hand and forcing you to halt. 

"You're my undoing, pet."

"Really?" you said in your most convincing, surprised voice, trying your hardest to sound as fake as possible. Revealing his thoughts to you might have given you a chance to bargain with him, even though this cell and the darkness had long become much safer than anything he could offer. In reality, you knew better than to trust the words of a vampire, yet found yourself truly surprised about the reverence they were spoken with. "It's hard to imagine I could do such a thing. I'm just sitting here."

Astarion hummed, amused, satisfied with your remark once again. Another chance at life, how you noted duly. Perhaps he liked the challenge of you playing his game, neither of you ever speaking the whole truth and coating your words in sarcasm and fake friendliness. Or maybe vampires were accompanied by madness that made them prefer prey who didn't cave as easily into a begging, sobbing mess. Prey like you.

 "It's been years—no, decades since I last took a liking in someone, and you have no idea how much I longed for companionship like yours. It's exciting and a bit of a tease. I couldn't bring myself to kill you yet."

"How very gracious of you," you praised, hoping he didn't pay close attention to your face, a grimace edging into your features.

"You know, I might even be convinced to return you to the light. If you ask, nicely."

And suddenly, there it was. You gulped as you felt your stomach twist anxiously, suddenly attacked by something you had long abandoned. Hope. A glimmer of it, at least. You remembered the days when you had still banged at the door, demanding and reasoning with anyone who'd hear you to release and let you go home. The early nights when you dreamed about the sun and the warmth of being surrounded by people. And now the time had finally come to reclaim those wishes, almost bringing you down to your knees. 

You knew you couldn't be so foolish as to retort to being a boring, begging nobody. You had to be his favorite. Crawling over the dirty floor and clinging to him for dear life wasn't going to cut it, no matter how much you wanted to. Because yes! Yes to the surface, yes to leaving all of this behind. Escaping him would be much easier when you weren't locked in the darkness. You had waited so long for the sweet embrace of death and endured so much pain when you were forced to survive pitifully like this. You even became his favorite. And now it was paying off—if you played your cards right.

"Ah… I don't know," you sighed. You could hear your own voice, thin and nervous. Excited. Your mouth was dry, but your heart was banging against your rips. Undoubtedly, he knew that, but you hoped Astarion would forgive your very appropriate reaction. Maybe even fancy it.

Every flinch of your muscles and every word carefully uttered was driven by a hope that Astarion could easily crush if he disapproved. You never saw yourself as exceptionally talented with words, but if that was what he wanted, he should have it. Your mom would scold you for being a brat, but this vampire here favored your attitude enough to keep you alive, so it had to be good for something. "I was just starting to get comfortable here. It's so… cozy."

"Well, I have it cozy up there as well. Cushioned chairs and silk sheets—only the best for my best."

It was strange to hear his voice in the same tone as his usual banter, even though you could detect another tone swinging in the background. It was but an insignificant waver, one of uncertainty and doubt. Desperation. Maybe not as much as you, but he wanted you to agree, his reasons unclear. And yet, your heart setting out a beat must have given away that you recognized his wish since he added, "You were always a marvel. But imagine how good you'd look by my side up there. My consort. My favorite."

"W-Well, are the beds soft?" you pressed out quickly, trying to avoid the sensual allure of his voice being murmured into your ear. You didn't mean to stutter, biting your own tongue before deciding to calm yourself with deep, quiet breaths that you hoped he didn't notice. But you knew that everything he said went straight to the unreasonable part of your mind, the one a vampire knew to manipulate so well. But in your desire to get out of here, eagerness and giving in too easily could cost you everything. 

"Very," he mused, and you were relieved to hear him still in good spirits, his next words almost a lilt. "Soft and warm. Like you."

"And the food?" you asked, gulping. You didn't care for the beds or the food. 

"Oh, the food!" 

His exclamation caught you by surprise, as did the sudden disappearance of his body. For a moment, you thought you had ruined your chance. Had gone too far with your hesitance. But next you knew, you felt his hand fall to your shoulder again, running down your arm until he had your wrist in his palm, lifting it to his face. Astarion planted one kiss below your thumb, then moved on to kissing the pulse beneath it. 

"It's delightful! Delectable! The best you ever had. And me for dessert. You won't lack anything,  I promise."

His promise meant very little to you, and yet, as he littered your wrist with kisses, you couldn't help but cave. It was everything about this situation, the hope, the reverent kisses, the empty promises, that blinded you from the danger. You hadn't questioned his intentions or the price you'd have to pay. Not when he spoke to you as if he was laying the world at your feet, promising you the moon, the stars, and everything beyond.

"Ask me, pet, and you can have it all. The luxuries, the world, me. All you have to do is ask, darling."

There they were, the simple, honeyed words every human wanted to hear. All feeding into your own desperation so perfectly as if they were made just for you. As if you were the only suffering fool in this world, and perhaps to Astarion, you were. The grin curling his lips upwards against your wrist revealed just how much of a fool he took you for when you opened your mouth again.

"I…" you hesitated. But not long enough. You had too much to lose, despite not knowing what you were going to lose agreeing to this. "I want to go to the surface."

"Do you now?" he smirked, and you felt the hard edge of his teeth as his lips parted in a wide grin. 

"I want to, Sir. I want to be your favorite. I want to be by your side. Please take me with you."

For a moment, there was silence, then Astarion let out a hum of satisfaction followed by a deep breath.

"Oh, you are, darling. You are my favorite. I've longed for this moment for so long, yearned for it every damned day and night, and finally, it's here. Let's be together forever, alright? It'll hurt only a little, and then we'll always be together."

"What will hurt?" you asked before you felt the sharp pain of his teeth sinking into your arm. You knew this pain, the searing burn of his fangs piercing your skin. You had felt it a hundred times, no, a thousand. But this one was short-lived, blood dripping from your hand as you bit your lip, holding back the tears. No one liked tears, and you were too close to your goal to ruin it now. 

"Endure it," he purred, and it was almost a shame that he noticed, considering how much you fought yourself to keep your composure. "You'll have to bare this beautiful neck of yours if you want to be mine, darling."

There was another moment of hesitation, the taut skin of your neck always hurting the most if he bit it. But why even did he have to bite you? What good were two more bites of you in this dark cell when he could assume you'd be at his beck and call upstairs as well? Astarion couldn't know of your feeble escape plans yet, so he had no reason to doubt your devotion. And even if he did, wouldn't he enjoy feeding from you in one of the more comfortable beds he mentioned?

But pondering was of no use to you. You had to comply if you wanted your dreams to come true. Turning towards him and laying your head to the side, you could feel your hair fall out of the way, baring your neck so beautifully. "Yes, Sir," was your short, meager reply, and yet your arm immediately fell to your side, one of Astarion's hands wrapping around the back of your head while the other weighed down on your shoulder, keeping you in place. 

 "That's a good pet," he mumbled, face inching closer to your body with every spoken word. You braced yourself for the pain, the burning, the mess it would make, and you took it like a champ, which you probably were after all those bites—at first. However, all the bites before eventually ended. They never lasted more than a few minutes at worst. But not this one, and that's when you realized your mistake. 

You gasped as you reached for him, grabbing his clothes like a lifeline to hold onto. Tears fell freely as the pain didn't stop, your body growing lighter while Astarion had little problems keeping you in place. "It hurts!" you sobbed as your thoughts became less reasonable, less controlled. Everything began to swim, and though you were sitting, you felt like you were going to fall. But even as you struggled to stay conscious, Astarion didn't stop, didn't care. 

By the time you realized you were going to die, it was already much too late. Your life was drained out of you with all of your blood. At least you didn't have to feel the pain of your crushed hope or the desperation of, once again, being stuck in this cold and lonely darkness. If you were honest, you looked forward to escaping all of this, as had been your destiny for so long. At least this way, you'd be free, too. Differently than you thought, but free nonetheless.

"Mhm, darling. Even now, you're ravishingly beautiful."

You could hear the voice, but your body had no blood left to supply your brain, so it could understand anything. You didn't even feel his uncharacteristically warm fingers smear a thick fluid to your lips, slipping in to coat your tongue, reflexes working even when you were as good as dead. 

"And you're mine. All mine."

At least you wouldn't have to die in this dark cell, though you had no strength left to think about what shithole you'd be thrown into instead. Your body was but a sack of skin and bones in his arms as he carried you outside, your head empty like your blood vessels. But even as you lay dying in Astarion's arms, getting carried away, you knew one thing for sure: You hated it. The pain and the blood. The cold and this evil man that had held you like a cattle for so long only to kill you just like everyone else in the end. You hated him. You hated everything.

And most, you hated the darkness that continued to surround you, enveloping you mercilessly as it cooperated with your murderer. Unaware that you, too, were meant to succumb to it. That your dying body was changing into that of a child of the night, a spawn to the very same lonely vampire you so willingly promised eternity to in exchange for what you believed had been your path to 'freedom'. The same freedom you'd never have now.

Because you were his favorite.

And he'd never let his favorite spawn leave.

[thechaoticdruid]

Something some people don't seem to get about Astarion is that he pretends not to care as a coping mechanism for guilt. He pretty much lies not only to us but also to himself. Probably hoping that if he says he doesn't care enough that the guilt will just vanish.

I honestly feel like these toxic coping habits also get turned up to eleven when he's ascended. So when you reject his offer to make you his spawn he deals with the pain by convincing himself that he didn't believe in love anyway.

Tav turns into a mind flayer and he can no longer bring himself to want to be with them. "Oh well they're disgusting so I don't care."

(I'd recently found out that if mind Flayer Tav peeks into A!Astarion's brain they find out he apparently still feels love so I guess he actually does feel the same way Spawn Astarion does about the situation. But of course AA is an ass about it.)

He can't turn Karlach so now he can't keep her with him forever. "It's not my fault it's yours!" *Proceeds to throw tantrum like a spoiled brat.*

Spawn Ending Astarion however learns to let himself be vulnerable and let it out since Tav actually makes him feel safe enough to do so.

So basically what I'm saying is Astarion is tsundere about his feelings if that makes sense. He keeps how he really feels guarded and insists he doesn't care when in actuality he does. And as THE VAMPIRE ASCENDANT these habits become even worse since he's done with the idea of being a good person entirely and just embraces his darkest impulses, but I doubt he can snuff out his humanity completely. He still comforts Tav if they end up bound to the incubus, he doesn't want Karlach to die and actually puts off his world-domination plans for her.

Anyway I think I made my point. I started this mostly because one of my guy friends who is also playing BG3 is convinced Astarion is 100% evil which isn't true. He definitely does evil things and is a selfish bastard but saying he's just evil isn't entirely accurate. (Granted this friend has yet to do an Astarion romance run so perhaps he's missing context.) Sorry if I might have got off topic or worded something strangely, but if you have anything to add to this comment below. 👇

[thewritetofreespeech]

Astarion + Reader

summary: breakup epilogue inspired by the song Easy by Rascal Flatts & Natasha Bedingfield

**************************************************************

He hated it here. Honestly, he wasn’t sure why he came.

To leave the comfort of his palace and its splendor to breathe in this wretched dirt and drink this gods awful wine was a mistake Astarion would regret to the end of his days. Why did he even bother coming here?

His gaze turned from his corner over to a familiar figure. Laughing with their former friends. Bright and happy. He hated it.

Astarion wished everyday that their life would be more miserable than the last. That one day it would be too much to bear and they would come crawling back to him. He wouldn’t dream of taking them back though. Not after they broke his heart; such as it was.

He promised himself that when he got all this power that no one would ever hurt him again. He thought he had known all the pain there was in the world. But to be rejected by the only person he ever loved was a wound too deep to close. Not that he would ever let them see it.

No, he would join the party. Smile. Laugh. Tell every single one of them how marvelous his life was now that he had ascended. So far above all of them now. Mention his parties and new endless parade of lovers of his choosing now. How he had everything he could ever....well, those fools would get the gist.

He’d spent centuries screwing on a smile and making people believe he was alright. It was easy.

He just doesn’t remember it being this hard before.

------------------------------------------------------

You had forgotten how lively everyone could been when you were all together.

The months apart had let you settle into a pleasant routine. One of simplicity, and order. It was a mundane you had craved during your adventures. Now that you had it it was bliss. Still, you missed your friends. And….everyone….

Your eyes glance out of their corners towards Astarion. Seeing him again, after all this time, was like a cold bucket of water being dumped over your head. He looked well. He always looked well. You weren’t sure what you had expected your never changing former lover to look like after all this time, but to be so picture perfect from the last time you saw him was a shock to your core.

You still remember your last conversation. When you told him that he wasn’t the man you fell in love with anymore. How he reveled in that fact which made you only more resolute in your decision to leave. How he rebuked your efforts before finally giving in and telling you that you didn’t matter anyway. That almost hurt as much as losing your love.

You wished every day you had talked Astarion out of the ascension. Thinking of the man you lost. The life you could have had together, even if it was in the shadows. And you mourned.

But for today, you wouldn’t mourn. You didn’t want your friends to think your life wasn’t as well worth all the fuss as theirs. To draw dark clouds on the day.

No. For now, you just wanted to pretend that your life was simple, peaceful, and easy. Even if it was the hardest thing to do right now.

[lilytii]

My thoughts on Ascended vs. Non Ascended Astarion

HEAVY Spoiler Warnings ahead. If you've not completed the game, or if you do not want spoilers, do not read on!

Honestly, I was never planning on making a post like this, and generally I thought most people understood the differences between them. However, I’m seeing a bunch of people twist what both of these mean and are adamantly standing with these twisted meanings, which I feel does them both an injustice. This argument is addressing the romance with Astarion. If you’re just his ally/friend/colleague, most of this won’t matter much.

First and foremost, let me say this: If you like either of these endings, that’s great! I think they’re both tragic in their own right and indeed well written. I do not think anyone should be judged because of what they enjoy, from a fictitious game. I do not think that those who like Ascended need therapy, nor should they be shamed or judged in current relationships. I also do not believe that those who like non ascended route are weak hearted people who cannot handle a hot, evil romance. These are all personal preferences and you shouldn’t feel ashamed.

That being said, I think there are people who are misunderstanding, or refusing to accept what some of these endings mean for the character. I’m going to break things down, piece by piece and come to you with my conclusion. For this I’ll use a few different abbreviations to make things easier.

A.Astarion - Ascended Astarion

S.Astarion - Spawn Astarion

U/A- Unascended

Hopefully this will make things easier to understand and follow. Alright, let’s get into it, and apologies if this is long, this took me days to write and look over all the information I could culminate. I’ve seen many of the same points brought up over and over again, and some who argue various versions of the same argument. Instead of writing long winded responses to one response, I figure I’d write out all of my thoughts in one post and be done with it. There may be points that I miss, forget to address, and I apologize, there’s a lot of ground to cover.

First, let’s go over a few things about What we know about BG3 vampires, the Ascension ritual, and what all of this means.

I think it’s common that everyone knows BG3 is set in Faerun, which is a world setting for the game D&D. The game is running off 5E rules and guidelines, though there are many things that are changed to better suit a video game setting rather than table top. (i.e. short rests are instant, long rests are the only way time and events progress, etc.) That being said, 5e has a set of rules that exist more as guidelines. At the end of the day, everything is up to DM discretion. If the book says “ X works in X way” and the DM says “I don’t like that ruling, so I’m going to change it to work differently for my campaign,” that’s valid as long as everyone agrees and it remains consistent throughout.

That’s the beauty of this game, is everyone runs it a little differently, with their own set of understanding and rules. BG3 works the same, and as the player, you accept and acknowledge that and play to how it is. 

The Vampires seem to be mostly following the lore and rule sets, but there are a few differences here and there. Mostly, the moment you turn into a spawn/vampire, you’re inherently evil. That’s it, end of story, alignment changed. It doesn’t seem to be the case in BG3 though, as you can see some of those who were spawns and recently changed, don’t seem to be fully evil. Astarion tells us of his past and it seemed he wasn’t entirely subscribed to the sudden alignment change. (Not to say that he doesn’t have evil tendencies, he’s very morally gray.) Even Cazador and the notes you find, in his earliest moments as a spawn, seemed to hold an ounce of who he was before he became a full fledged vampire. It seems that from what we see, the corruption is a slow burn, but inevitable, and Vampire spawns seem to have their souls. How do we know they have souls?

Astarion says that he might as well sell ‘what’s left of his soul’ to a devil, than to let Cazador have him again. The Ascension doesn’t just sacrifice these 7000 bodies, they don’t seem to be just ‘animated dead’, oddly enough they have souls that when they’re sacrificed, those souls go to hell to the demon that made the pact. Mephistopheles.

Raphael tells us all about it, and states it’s a rather grim tale, even for his tastes. This ritual is so foul, so diabolical, it has never been performed. The right of profane Ascension .Astarion’s soul, would be sacrificed.  I Think, damning 7000 souls to hell in exchange for power, there’s no coming back from that. I mean, hell, Bhaal himself must be impressed, probably salivating at the amount of death and carnage in one go.

The Ascension gives Astarion a taste of power, he gets some boosts in combat, but the taint on him is already done. He was a pretty gray character before, now? Not so much. That ritual changes him deeply, and it is evident in how he presents himself and how he behaves. He is truly lost, and not a shadow of himself remains.

“He wants this, and he Approves when you let him ascend.”

Ah, Approval, the way to win the man’s heart! Yes, he approves in both scenarios, and he thanks you in both as well, however, context is Everything here.

Astarion, in that moment, is enticed by power and by the promise of safety. He acknowledges he was blinded by it, just as Cazador was. If you are romancing him, you must succeed a persuasion check that’s relatively low depending on your rating with him, and if he’s romanced.

A lot of people dismiss this and say the fact we have to talk him out of it, shows he did not want to stay a spawn and wanted to Ascend. He admits that he was blinded by his want in the moment. He may have wanted to ascend in that moment, because it promised him a life in which the world would bow to him. After all he’s been through, it’s not crazy to say that sure, he was blinded by the promise of now, not thinking of the consequences. How many times have you made an impulse decision because you wanted something now, because all you could see was the promise of a good time, without thinking of any repercussions? It’s human.

He goes on to say:

 “But you saw something else in me- Someone else I could be. Someone who could break the cycle of power and terror that started centuries ago. You saved me back there. I may not have appreciated it at the time, but I do now. Thank you.”

I want to point out his body language. When Astarion is being serious, when he’s lowering the walls and the barriers to who he is, his movements are small. He smiles, his eyes soften, and he makes eye contact. When he says “but I do now,” he nods, affirming that he truly understands and appreciates what you did, stopping him from ascending. And then he gives a humble bow of his head saying ‘Thank you’.

“But Astarion thanks you on both occasions for giving him everything.”

As it was stated above, context is key. Yes, When he is turning you into a vampire spawn, A. Astarion does say “You’ve given me everything I ever wanted. Thank you.” I can see the case people would make to say this is what he wanted, and so he is sincerely thankful that we gave it to him. In either case, he’s happy.

I can understand the logic, but allow me to put it into a different perspective, if I may.

A drug addict is going through withdrawl and you have the drug they want. They crave it, they’re only focused on that drug and need the high to get through another day. They don’t address their addiction, they just need to score, so plead for you to give it to them. You cave in, give them their drug and they take it. They tell you “Thank you, this is what I wanted.” Is it sincere? Sure, they are really thankful for it, but did you help them? Was this really what was good for them?

Instead, when they beg you for the drug, you tell them ‘No, this is not the life you would be proud of and I want you to be proud of yourself.” Instead, you take them to rehab, they get clean and stay sober. They’re on the path to turning their lives around and say “You know what, I didn’t appreciate it at the time, but, you helped me. You saved me from going down a horrible path. Thank you.”

That thanks, is also sincere, but the outcomes are vastly different.

A.Astarion thanks you for giving him what he wants. S.Astarion thanks you for giving him what he needs.

 Even in his graveyard scene, he says he’s not giving up, just “Reassessing what I want. What I really want.” And when you ask him later, at the graveyard what he wants, he says “you. I want you”  I emphasize ‘really’ here because he does. This is Astarion being honest and telling you what he really wants.

He does not NEED power over others, he does not NEED to ascend, he needs to believe in himself, to choose a life he can be proud of, to do what he wants without being a slave to all the power that stood before him. 

This is evident if you say “You saved yourself, I just gave you a push.” 

And he responds with:

 “You did more than that. You believed in me- believed I was enough just the way I am. When I look at my future, anything and everything feels possible now. And I get to share it with you, as a partner. An equal. You saved me from myself and let me walk a new path where I can be free. TRULY, HONESTLY, FREE. This is a gift, you know. Thank you. I won’t forget it.”

There’s so much that this speaks to, and it’s so self explanatory, but so many people overlook that to say:

“S.Astarion is weak and is still unable to walk in the sunlight. At least Ascending him he’s free.”

I’ll agree and say his ending with him running away from the sun is tragic and painful, but I think that was the point. It’s gut wrenching. The worst part is honestly, most of the companion dialogue who treat him like ‘Oh well, fuck him I guess.” That, I think we can all be on board saying he did not deserve that. Turning away from power, helping you save the world, and all the companions say is like “welp, it was nice knowing you.” That was dirty.

It feels like so many people think giving up one's soul to walk in the sun is the best decision ever and so worth it. The point of his story feels like “Power, but at what cost?” Sure, he can have all these added benefits, if he just gives away his soul, does the most horrific, dastardly thing possible, and completes the ritual. He no longer is himself, and becomes a slave to power. Power will always be something he chases, so that he will never be used again. You basically tell him he’s weak the way he is and to steal the power he is owed. 

Meanwhile in the U/A route, you tell him that he would not be proud of this life, that you want him to live a life he would be truly proud of. And he says “You’re right, I can be better than him.” But he is NOT above enjoying being the one to deal his death. We don’t even STOP him from Killing Cazador, we know he is owed that, he deserves that. 

S.Astarion says he is free to walk a new path, whatever that path is. In his graveyard scene, he says he’s been dead in the ground long enough, it’s time to start living again. S.Astarion’s story is about finding his autonomy, finding his inner strength, accepting himself and making a new path for himself. Whatever this world has to offer, he’s going to take it and have fun.

When you Ascend him, and tell him that you miss the man he was, he seems actually taken back and says:

 “What do you mean, I was pathetic back then, why would you say that?” 

He sounds hurt. He sounds like maybe the tiniest bit, he regrets losing that man, like he can’t understand why someone would love who he was before he ascended.

He hasn’t gotten the affirmation that he’s enough, in fact, he’s more affirmed that he was weak, pathetic, and that power is what will make him strong. He is perfect now because he’s powerful. That’s such a tragic way of looking at him. By choosing this, he doesn’t accept how strong and capable he is as a spawn, he doesn’t heal and regain control of his life, he’s seen as lesser, as someone who needs an outside power to be strong. Love, belief in himself, it wasn’t enough to save him.

“There is no Equality in S.Astarion xTav/Durge. You have the upper hand, he does not. You will die of old age, he will not. That’s not a good romance at all.”

This complaint is one I see a lot, a LOT on people’s videos, blogs, reddit, etc. Just because he is back to being a spawn and does not have insane vampiric powers gifted by an evil, hellish ritual, does not make you his superior. It’s the way you two treat each other, the way you two view each other, that is what makes you an equal. 

If you look at how A.Astarion talks to you, he talks down to you, looking down his nose, he believes you are beneath him. If he makes you a spawn, you are kept nicely under his thumb. 

If you keep him as a spawn, he does not look at you as if you are his ruler, his master, you are his equal, his lover, his companion. He doesn’t look down at you, but eye to eye. Just because one has different abilities and strength does not mean inequality. Just because one has a longer/shorter life span, does not mean inequality. Look at Shadowheart’s parents, one is an elf, the other, human. Does that negate their love because of their lifespan? Are they doomed and have a terrible love story?

I’m sorry, but this argument doesn’t hold water to me. 

A.Astarion fans love that they can choose to live with him in eternity, as his slave. So many people believe that is better than S. Astarion living his days freely with someone he loves, truly loves, as long as he can. I’ve seen people headcanon their Tav/Durge find a means to either cure Astarion of his Vampirism, or find ways to extend their lives. In one of my D&D games, we had collars that kept us from aging and dying prematurely. Granted, we had to agree to give up spell slots every year or so to a powerful mage so he can create magic items, but it pretty much allowed us to live forever. If Gale can ascend to godhood, I’m sure you can find a way to fix these small power issues.

“A.Astarion is the real Astarion, he goes back to his Act 1 self.”

I’ve seen this argument made to why people like A.Astarion, because they love the man he was in Act 1, and feels like this is who he is. There’s so many talking points here, so much to break down, and many arguments made to ‘affirm’ that this is the real Astarion, and this is where he is most himself. I’m going to break this down as best I can and do my best to be clear and easy to follow. There’s so much to go over and I don’t want to sound like I’m all over the place.

I gotta admit, I half agree with this. He does go back to his Act 1 self, but that's not the ‘true’ Astarion. Act 1. Astarion is the man who manipulated your feelings, who was playing an act. It isn’t until Act 2 that Astarion starts to come to terms with himself and becomes honest with you. Yes, he fell in love with you sometime between those moments, but after you ascend him, you can see that he goes back to those theatrics.  All of the progress he made, all of the growth he made, when he ascends, that’s it, it just hard stops and reverses back to the start. He regresses so hard that he loses himself and becomes a shadow of the man he was, an echo of that man who manipulated his way to get what he wants.

Astarion admits in several ways in different dialogue options that the Ascension would have changed him, it would have made him lose himself, it would have made him different.

Tav: “The ritual would have changed you, I’m glad you resisted it.

S. Astarion: So am I. Fun as all that power would have been…this feels more me.

Tav: “Do you regret turning down all that power?”

S.Astarion: “Perhaps. It would have been terrible fun. But then again, I could feel something slipping away. I came so close to losing myself-to losing everything I’d learned since meeting you.”

He speaks so much about his growth, about his development thus far and if he ascended, he’d lose it all. This speaks volumes to his character and to how he holds himself now. We see Astarion start to believe in himself, knowing his worth, and his U/A route shows that he’s starting to understand that he can do the right thing.

“Astarion says he’s not happy.”

S.Astarion “I am- well, not happy. But this feels right.”

(Graveyard scene,)

Tav: “regretting your choice?”

S.Astarion: “No, I made the right choice. Although I do regret the options I had.”

Tav: “You did the right thing, stopping the Black mass.”

S.Astarion: “I know, that doesn’t mean it stings any less”

 Tav: (when referring to never seeing the sun as the price of freedom) “Do you think you can live with that?”

S.Astarion: “I’ll have to, doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

All the arguments I’ve seen for those who prefer A.Astarion use this to say he’s not happy, that he admits that he would have had more fun if he had power, and that’s what he wanted. He’s lamenting his lack of power and the fact that he’ll belong to the shadows, for sure, but he knows and understands that the decision he made was for the best. This is honestly such a relatable, and real emotion and thought. How many times do we as flawed humans know that doing the right thing, whether it’s for our own benefit or someone else’s, isn’t always the ‘fun’ option. He’s been on a quest for power, saw an ideal in his head, and now understands that going that route wasn’t the best for him, no matter how much fun it might have been in theory.

Astarion knew he made the best choice for him, the best choice to regain control, to be himself, his true self. His options were ‘sell your soul, lose yourself to have power and walk in the sun,  or keep your soul, remain true to yourself and better your life, but be reserved to the life of a spawn, living in the shadows and with hunger.” There was no good options, but there was a good choice.  

I want you to think about who Astarion is, what he’s been telling us this whole time.In the love test, we can choose silly, fun answers to gain his approval and keep things lighthearted, but the real answers exist, and he doesn’t exactly enjoy them being shared.

Astarion is afraid of being someone’s slave, he’s afraid of being helpless and not being able to keep his freedom. This whole time, 200 years he’s been shown that there’s no heroes, gods do not care for anyone, and the strong are the only ones who survive in this world. He’s afraid, he’s terrified but puts on this air of assertion. He stands behind those who are stronger than him and rides their coat tails till he can snatch power for himself. He’s not above backstabbing and manipulation if it gets him what he wants.

Astarion plays with power, as long as it doesn’t threaten to change him. He’s fine with abusing the tadpoles powers, but the moment he realizes that greater power can be unlocked by becoming a half illithid, he wants nothing to do with it. You can peer into his mind and use his fear against him to force him to do this, but thats manipulative in it’s own right. You don’t respect him or his want at that point, all in the name and sake of power.

Astarion’s first line to us is his disgust at the thought of being turned into a mindflayer. He laughs bitterly and says “Of course it would turn me into a monster…what else did I expect?” Power is good if it offers safety and protection, but not at the risk of his own skin. This is said so much throughout and is emphasized by him saying, he knows finishing the right would have ruined him, who he was, and everything he’s learned up to this point.

However, if throughout this game, you show him that there’s strength in one’s self, that there’s power to be had deep within, he starts to understand that and starts to see that he can be the break in the chain. He can be the difference he needs, alongside you.

This power hungry Astarion is the result of 200 years of abuse and suffering. Astarion starts to understand that there’s consequences to one’s actions, he starts to take responsibility for those actions and understands the difference between running away from it, and meeting them head on.

I’d say that’s a strength in it’s own. He’s finding himself and tackling the hardest things in his life that he turned a blind eye to. A.Astarion does not get that. He doesn’t care about anyone, anything, consequences be damned.

“Tav gaslights Astarion to change himself. Tav ‘knows what’s better’ and choosing not to ascend him not only makes him weak, but shows you don’t think he’s strong enough.” Tav forces Astarion to change.

This is paraphrased from a comment from a prominent A.Astarion fan. The entire comment was such a hot take, that they said, and I quote: Cazador did not inspire him that sex is power. Cazador didn't need sex to control people, he had other power. 

I don’t know if they understand what Astartion was trying to say when he said that Cazador made Astarion use his body to lure things for him. That Cazador had full control over him and made him perform acts of sex against Astarion’s will, otherwise he’d get TORTURED. I could go ON about how disgusting the take is, but I won’t get into that. I’ll address their point and continue.

I believe I’m one of many who don’t like the option of “You don’t need to worry, I’ll protect you.” And Astarion’s own answer of “thanks, that’s sweet, but I don’t want to have to always rely on you.” (or something to that nature.) I refuse to choose it, I understand the sentiment, but that option didn’t feel good. 

Still, despite that line, Astarion doesn’t get the all power he wanted, but that doesn’t make him weak. Tav shows that Astarion is weak in the ways of inner strength, the strength to take off his chains and be himself! He has the strength to choose his own destiny and take it by the hands. So many people look at ‘physical’ strength and weigh that higher over inner strength. Astarion in game, is not a weak fighter. I can tell you, rogues are fucking CRAZY strong! In many of my battles, he’d be the last one standing and has to sometimes be the one to save others. 

Believing that there’s more to Astarion than power, revenge, and sex is NOT gaslighting him at all! Gaslighting someone is forcing another to believe that they’re wrong, despite the fact that they aren’t. It’s projecting onto them your wants and making them feel terrible for not seeing things your way.  

You can gaslight Astarion, want to know how? By forcing him to have sex with you despite him saying it’s uncomfortable for him. By saying “You should enjoy it, and enjoy it with me.” And do you know what happens when you choose that? He ends things, and stands up for himself!

We aren’t manipulating him, changing him, forcing him to be someone he isn’t. He admits to it many times over after  that we believed in him, we saved him and pulled him away from a path that would ruin him. To say that’s changing him, to say it’s gaslighting is absolutely bonkers! In fact, telling him to ascend is affirming that power is better than anything, even if it costs your soul. I don’t know why people refuse to believe that S.Astarion IS the REAL Astarion. And while he isn’t all powerful, he’s fully free to live his life the way he wants to, and intends on it.

“A.Astarion still loves us. Sure it’s not the ‘kind’ love you get with S.Astarion, but it is love and he does care for us. It’s perfect for an evil route”

This is the most common argument for what I’ve seen people saying they like A.Astarion. It’s a different kind of romance, a different kind of love that still has caring, but it isn’t ‘nice’. There’s so many different takes on this that usually accumulate to “He does care, he does love us! It’s a crazy toxic love, but it is still love.”

I get it, I totally understand why so many people are drawn to A.Astarion. The sex scene is spicy, he calls you pet names, and says “You’re mine” and things like “I’ll protect you” “Lovers forever”. At it’s core, it sounds like a crazy, possessive romance perfect for an evil Tav/Durge, especially a Bahhl accepting Durge. I can see the appeal, and really, for an evil character, ruling the world with the lord of vampires sounds amazing! Hell, even for a morally ambiguous or amoral character, this would be fun!

I know there are people who appreciate it for what it is, people who understand that they are A.Astarion’s favorite thing, they are his obedient pet who does his will. Some in their Durge games understand they are using each other, and it’s not a romantic relationship, but that of an evil companionship. “We are awful for each other and do awful things for each other!”

That being said, many people seem to be under the impression that A.Astarion truly cares about you, that he loves you.

“It’s a possessive love, but even then, that’s just a form of love.”

Look, I’ll be honest and be the first to say that a person, especially a hot vampire who calls me “MINE” with such virility, would instantly make me weak in the knees. I love me a strong lover who is a bit selfish in wanting me, there’s nothing wrong with that. I mean, who doesn’t want to feel coveted like that? (Ok, I know there are people out there who aren’t cool with that, I’m just saying for those of us who are thirsty! lol)

Still, I can’t say that this context is of that capacity. You’re his object, his favorite and obedient spawn, slave. He pretties it up and calls you consort, which makes you think some form of equal footing, that of a spouse. (Understandably, not all marriages have spouses who view their spouse as an ‘equal’. This is very much like that.) If you’re his spawn, you are surely his slave.

“He calls us Pet, my treasure, consort, lover. He stands up for us against Araj, he does indeed care for us.”

Pet names are cute, and he has used ‘pet’ for us before he ascended. The way he says “Yes my treasure?” Is very baby sweet talk, he even does the elaborate swinging of his shoulders. I don’t think Astarion’s descent to madness is immediate. I think there are still parts of him that is haunted by his trauma, but instead of being able to deal with it, he does the same things he’s always done. He disassociates, he falls back to bad patterns. 

When meeting Araj again, both S. Astarion and A. Astarion have similar dialogues between each other, but also, there are some interesting differences as well. A. Astarion makes a note of ‘Who belongs to who this time’ referring back when she thought Astarion was your subordinate, your ‘obstinate charge’ and you could stick up for him and say he is his own person. Now, he means to correct that and explain that you belong to him, not in a romantic way, but in the way that you are under his charge, you are his spawn/slave.

I get that in that conversation he says “And don’t worry, if anything happens, I’ll protect you.” Can be sweet, if you look at that completely out of context, hell I’d think it’s sweet too. He does say this in a bit of a condescending way though. It’s not the “I love you and I’ll protect you,” it’s the “This is my thing, and I’ll protect it from getting being damaged.” The care that A. Astarion has for you isn’t one of honest love, it isn’t born of concern.

You can see that because S. Astarion has a dialogue that says “Say no, the only thing she is offering is pain, and…I don’t want to see you hurt.” 

Astarion isn’t someone who knows how to express his true feelings, he’s expressed his inability to know how to truly be with someone, but he’s opening up. At this point, this is beyond his graveyard scene, so you’re seeing a man who is awkward when expressing his true feelings. Again, his body language says so much here. He gives a sigh right before saying he doesn’t want to see you hurt, he shies away from you just slightly and his expression grows softer. He’s being vulnerable and sincere, he truly does not want to see you hurt. Not because you’re an item of his that he doesn’t want damaged, but because he truly doesn’t want his lover to be hurt, that would pain him. There’s a lot of dialogue that’s similar for both, so, there’s not much to differentiate between them at that time.

Astarion’s trauma is still trauma, in both iterations. His understanding of consent seems to resonate with both versions at this point. So many people are taking that ‘consent’ is him caring. Just because he understands consent, and still asks you, that doesn’t quite mean a level of caring. Yes you can choose to be his spawn, or not. If you break up with him not as a spawn, he insults you and lets you be. Choose to be his spawn, and there is no getting out of it, you have no consent anymore. You’re his slave. Yes, he calls you his ‘consort’ because he wanted to dress up the word “spawn”. A slave is still a slave, no matter what other pretty title you want to give it. You have consent up until he turns you, then that’s out the window, you can’t leave ever. Hell, he even has a line that says “I should have turned you into a spawn, just to prove that I could.” Yeah, let that sink in.

“A.Astarion says ‘I love you, I’d never hurt you.’ He tells us he loves us on multiple occasions. Once more, he’s got a beating heart now, so he is fully capable of love.”

 =/

A beating heart, a living organ =/= love. I mean, if you break up with him he says “You brought my dead heart back to life, it will keep beating” That is metaphorical, it didn’t mean that he will be brought back to life. So no, having a living, beating heart does not make him more capable of love. He felt real love as a spawn, he sincerely fell for you.

Let’s also talk about Astarion saying “I love you.” He does say it at both routes, but the way he says it, and again, body language says it all.

I’ve seen this video going around about how he says he loves Tav/Durge, and how people claim this is love, that this is proof he cares. https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Bov4CwHLukc

Let’s talk about these, shall we?

First of all, notice how Astarion is acting here. This is back to theatrics, the wide arm movements, the flowery words and the poetic gestures. Does this look familiar? Ah yes, this looks very similar to when he used all his ‘favorite lines’ at us. Even when he says “I love you” it feels so practiced, so forced. He even looks down at you afterwards. But people are so convinced that this is romantic love. They are convinced he means this.

I am reminded back to that, force Astarion to sleep with you scene. You tell him “You seemed like you enjoyed it,” and he says he knows that song and dance better than anyone, it was an act. This? This is an act as well. But S.Astarion? Go look at the graveyard scene, go watch how he tells you he loves you.

He looks you directly in the eyes, taking your hand in his, and he’s smiling. That’s no forced smile, when does he ever smile that genuine and at peace? He looks down in thought for a moment and returns to your eyes and says “he loves ‘this’, and he wants it all, with you.” Look at those two “I love yous” side to side and tell me which one really, truly looks sincere. Which looks real.

In act 2, he says that he manipulated you into an alliance, so you’d never hurt him. He used sex to get you to love him so you won’t turn on him, but says you deserve something real, that he wants to be real with you. In his graveyard scene, he’s ready to be fully real with you. And if you do have sex with him, the dev. Notes says “Had_sex_as_equals. You are his equal, and he is yours. Whatever your powers and abilities are doesn’t matter, it’s how you treat each other, as equals.

Astarion’s first line in the video says he was offering you power, offer you to live as his spawn so he can own you, what’s that, if not love? Then says, if that’s not an offer, if you want more, perhaps this isn’t for you.

I’ve seen so many people say “A.Astarion is not for the weak hearted, his kind of love is intense, possessive and hot, not for those goody goodies! He says it himself.”

Nah, he’s telling you that love is a transaction. You gave me power, I’ll give you a bit of it. You become my spawn that will be obedient to me, who will bow to my every whim, and I’ll offer you protection. There, love. This is a man who used his body, who used everything as a transaction. If you get high approval before the party and allowed him to bite you, he offers you sex as thanks. It’s a transaction. 

A.Astarion says “I did try with you, you know. In the only way I know how.” By using a transaction of offering you life of being a spawn. 

And of course, how can we forget the famous line. “Of course I know about *love* (said with absolute disgust by the way) I know how to use it, manipulate it, and I can’t help playing the hand I know. I would have used your love, abused your trust until you were nothing.”

Every argument here says “You hurt his pride, he’s angry! He doesn’t mean that. He was upset and said a lie.” And I can say, ok, I hear you. There’s been times when people break up and say really hurtful things because they were hurt. Things they may not even mean. I’d be fully inclined to believe that if… well, if that were true. Instead, I fully, TRULY believe Astarion is being sincere with us here. I think he knows that we were smart enough to see through his BS, to see that in this state, he’s gone.

They also cut out parts where Astarion says “Oh that was completely different, I’d never hurt you, I love you.” Right after, in the same breath, he says “That’s what you’ve been waiting to hear, isn’t it?”  Like, this man is telling you what you want to hear, it’s not the truth, it’s all a lie. He’s telling you to your face “I’m telling you what you want to hear.”

 He doesn’t know what real love is, he is incapable of love, to him it’s just a game. You can tell this by the insight check you do before he turns you.

“The insight check really means that he doesn’t think highly of himself, that he values Tav/Durge’s opinion and thinks he’s not good enough to be with”

I can understand how this could be one interpretation, and I’d agree with you if this was Act 2. Astarion. I’d fully believe that’s how he thinks a continued romance would be with him, but that’s not what’s going on here.

A.Astarion thinks he’s all powerful and amazing. He’s not the weak man he was back then, he’s better. Knowing you want to be a slave to him, you’re degrading yourself to becoming his slave, his spawn, but…maybe you’re into that. Maybe you want to be his slave, to worship him and be manipulated. Hell, you’ve gone this far for him, he doesn’t seem to have to beg you, you’re willing to do what he wants.

That’s the implication here. Not that he’s not good enough for you, but that you no longer care about yourself, that you want to be stepped on by him. 

A lot of people understand this concept as “Yeah, I made him worse, and I’m willing to throw everything in the trash to be with him! He can pull me by my leash and I will follow!” And then others misunderstand it to mean “Awww my poor boy thinks he’s not good enough for us and thinks we’re degrading ourselves to be his lover.” It’s definitely the former, not the later.

But this is a Sub/Dom relationship!

At the very base core of what that is, he is dominant over you, and you are serving him. To call this a sub/dom relationship is such a disservice to those real relationships out there that exist though!

I know someone close to me, who has been in a sub/dom relationship for 10+ years. She wears a collar with her partner’s name on it and he calls her pet names. This is something they do in their private time, and after all of it, there’s so much after care and tenderness involved to remind them both that they are partners who are equal. They are in a safe place, they have real, romantic love and understand if at any time there’s something they aren’t comfortable with, they can speak up.

A.Astarion just owns you. He doesn’t care, you are his property and that’s that. That’s like calling Cazador Astarion’s lover! The man favored Astarion, and when he disobeyed, he punished him. Granted, I’ll say that Astarion and his spawn’s relationship isn’t violent yet, but I don’t think it wouldn’t get to that point. He says he doesn’t have to, you’ll be wonderfully obedient.

…but what if you aren’t? Do you really think he’ll stand there and listen? If you push back, do you think he will understand? If you speak up and speak your mind, will he just lovingly accept your words? I’m afraid not. To those who think they can ‘change’ him or ‘keep him in line’, the time for that has passed and he’s not going back. I’m sorry.

The writer who spoke up is wrong about A.Astarion and is just one writer, not even the MAIN one! Take their words with a grain of salt.

The amount of people taking the salt out of what the writer said is crazy! I saw the reddit post and people were losing their minds, saying that this writer should have never said anything, that they stole the joy out of their A. Astarion romance, and that all is doomed!

Let me just say this. The writer, other people, no one can take your agency of enjoying a game. Take it for what it is, enjoy it. If you don’t agree, that’s fine, but it does not make the writer wrong. 

The writer is one of many who worked and wrote for Astarion. Just as what happens with every character, what happens with comics, movies, games, etc. You have teams who all work on one part to make it a cohesive whole. Animators have writers, directors, lineart work, flat colors, shaders, sketchers, background artists, all of these different people work on different parts of the same product and at the end, you have a whole piece. They all have to be in sync with each other and understand the source material to make it all work here.

The writer who spoke out may have been one of many, but that does not mean their words were invalid. In fact, after taking their words into consideration and looking back at how the sex scene for A.Astarion and S.Astartion play out, I honestly sat back and thought “...wow, I actually completely understand what you mean!”

First of all, they call it a bad ending. That speaks enough to what has been said and stated over and over again. Astarion does not progress, he does not heal, he gives up his soul for power, losing himself, and becomes a slave to it. Secondly, they said that you failed to see him as anything more than a kink, and reduce your relationship to that. That explains his actions, the way he is back to manipulating you with pretty words of adoration. And so many people are literally falling for it all over again.

In the scene he makes you a spawn, it’s overly provocative (I’ll admit, it’s fucking hot! I mean, from an objective view at least. Knowing what I know, it’s sad, but taking out context and what I know, it’s a very sexy scene) it’s meant to be. This is what you wanted, this is what you think of him. The camera mod that allows you to see different angles is a GODSEND here! You can look into his eyes and they are devoid of life, of feeling. He’s going through the motions, but he’s not even there. He’s not looking at you, he’s looking away, his body is performing, and Tav/Durge is just moaning and enjoying themselves. You wanted this, you got it, and in the end, he delivers.

Vs. the graveyard. It’s so much more chaste since you have clothes on. He’s not biting you, but this is his most honest form. It’s pure love, this isn’t lust, this isn’t him ‘fucking’ you, but being one with you. He’s reclaiming what sex means to him. It’s not a means to an end, it’s not an exchange, it’s not forced, he wants to give you a night of passion because he loves you. This is him connecting sex to love, and not as an act of manipulation.

Again, the camera mod is everything!! He looks into your eyes, his features are genuine. He cups the side of your cheek and kisses you. Then, he pushes you down, and climbs over you, looking into your eyes before sinking into the kiss in a much deeper, passionate way. 

I admit, I’m a degenerate. I can accept that Astarion is hot! I thought his turning scene was erotic, steamy, and I just couldn’t stop watching it. But knowing what I know, I can understand how, if what you’re looking for is real love, a real romantic relationship, that’s not the way to go. I think the camera angles of his graveyard scene show so much more to how passionate and hot that kiss is! Once I understood that this was Astarion, truly himself, taking back sex for himself and pushing Tav/Durge down in that swoop of a kiss, I completely did a 180 and preferred that! 

That kiss is HOT! And it means so much more, which makes it all the more intense. This is Astarion, throwing down his walls, opening up to us, body, soul and heart. And seeing as the dev notes says they had sex, it leaves it to your imagination how that went down, but I am one to believe, it was incredible, earth shatteringly so.

Final thoughts

If you made it this far, Oh my GOD I’m so sorry! Honestly, I appreciate it and thank you all for the time and patience to read my ramblings. I’ve just been sitting here replying to so many others and said “Fuck it, I’ll make a post about my feelings.”

There’s so much I haven’t touched on, so many points that can still be made, and I’m sure I missed over some other parts. Because I’m a maladaptive daydreamer, these thoughts literally assaulted me every chance they got! I couldn’t cook, clean, or even shower without another full stream of ideas that invaded my brain. I had to stop now because I’ve been working on this for 4 days and if I kept going, this would be 30+ pages long and NO ONE wants that.

That being said, look, if you like Ascended, go for it! If you want your character to be degraded and live in that fantasy, that’s ok and you shouldn’t be shamed for it. You shouldn’t be bullied by anyone to think you’re real life relationships are awful, or that you need therapy. Please, have fun and remember to take some time away from it all every now and then.

If you like Spawn, that’s great too! You shouldn’t be made to feel like you’re weak, or you only think Astarion is some good boy. You shouldn’t be told that you’re gaslighting, or anything else that I’ve seen out there.

At the end of the day, these are games, escapism from reality. I encourage you all to write, or maybe play the character in a game, or do what you want to do as long as it brings joy to you.

The point of this post is not to shame anyone or to cause drama. The point of this was to show that the writers did an AMAZING job illustrating these character’s stories. They showed us how gray and lifelike they were, they made their flaws something relatable, but also showed us that there’s always two very different ways things can go.

I wanted to highlight the differences in Astarion’s endings.  In his Ascended ending, he loses himself for the price of power. He fails to see that there’s more to himself than what power can give him. He fails to heal from his trauma, and instead, masks it behind power and control. He continues the cycle of abuse and becomes an entirely new monster. He fails to experience a true, romantic love that he never had and instead returns to using ‘love’ as a form of manipulation. He is deluding himself into what he thinks is happiness, and one day, will have nothing left inside of him. It’s so tragic and yet painfully, beautifully written.

In his spawn ending, he gets healing, he gets to choose his own way through life and live it being free. I wanted to show that while power was enticing, he learns that he’s enough the way he is, even if he won’t have the power of profane ascension (no matter how much terrible fun it would have been). And hey, if you want to play him in a solo campaign (that’s what I’m doing) and find ways for him to gain power without losing who he is, I’m sure that would be awesome! To see Astarion grow, and continue to take responsibility, to see him take back his sexuality, his honor, his autonomy is beautiful, even if it means he had to let go of the thing he thought he wanted, to take hold of the thing he truly wants.

[graveyardcuddles]

If you attack ascended Astarion at the epilogue party as a mindflayer, all the rest of the companions will join in the attack with you. Which doesn't make a ton of sense from my perspective because frankly, they should all be just as scared of mindflayer Tav as they are of ascended Astarion, if not even more so. Let's just be real and admit that Astarion, as "mean" as he is when he breaks up with mindflayer Tav, is 100% correct. Tav is not Tav anymore. Ilithids don't have souls. They're not a person anymore. And Tav can prove it by attacking him out of the blue at a peaceful-ass gathering. Even Astarion with how cruel and egotistical he becomes when ascended is still more "human" than a mindflayer because he at least retains his soul and personality, as warped as it becomes. That's all besides the point, though.

My main point it I just find it weird how so many so-called Astarion "fans" revile in this scene and find it so funny how Astarion "gets his comeuppance" in this scene or whatever. And I don't know about anyone else, but I find this scene incredibly sad and tragic. Both Astarion and Tav have lost themselves completely (Tav even more so than Astarion, I would argue). And it kinda baffles me how so few fans of Astarion can see how much he's clearly hurting here as well?

He claims he hasn't thought about Tav in the past 6 months, and he delivers the line in a way that is clearly meant to sting as much as possible. People point to that moment as a "gotcha" moment that Astarion genuinely doesn't miss Tav. But he then immediately contradicts this a few sentences later when he says thinks all the time about what could have been if they had stayed his consort and never became a mindflayer. And that all his power is nothing without Tav by his side (paraphrasing).

"OH he's just manipulating Tav" why would he say anything that would make him look weak or vulnerable? If anything, he should be bragging about how GREAT he's doing without Tav. How awesome his life as a vampire lord is without them. And at first he does just that, the first half of the conversation is all bragging. But the longer he talks to them, the more the little hurtful truths slip out behind the hateful words. Like for as much as fans claim to understand that Astarion will often say one thing but mean another some of them sure are shit at being able to tell when he's clearly covering up his hurt with vitriol.

And again there's something weird about cheering on mindflayer Tav when their turn can be considered just as tragic as Astarion ascending. Like don't get me wrong I enjoy letting a monster do their thing. But it's like this weird double standard where mindflayer Tav's monstrosity is good and cool to idolize and joke about them wanting to eat the brains of their friends but the second someone has fantasies about being Astarion's consort they need to be psychoanalyzed.

And it's also ridiculous that if you even so much as suggest that hey, maybe there's more going on with ascended Astarion than meets the eye, maybe he actually is suffering in his isolation, ect. you get called a delusional idiot because people just really want to believe Astarion is truly a 100% different person from his ascended self when that's simply. not. true. Again the writers have confirmed the ritual didn't consume his soul. The ritual amplified all his worst personality traits that he already had.

I'm not saying you need to love ascended Astarion BUT if you love his character for what he is you should be able to at least appreciate him. You should be able to at least find him tragic and compelling. Kinda annoyed that many fans, who are seemingly uncomfortable with being confronted with this side of him, would rather turn him into a big joke or reduce his full spectrum of emotion to just "smug apathy."

[brennontv]

It'd be fun to see how the different characters react and live after the fact depending on the choices you choose. I romanced Shadowheart (because duh) but it'll be fun to see how who you romance could change the dialogue for everyone. And I made God Gale. I would like to see what happened if I played more with Halsin or if I ascended Astarion, It's all just crazy. I like the path I picked, I think it all worked out. The questions is what if...

I chose the path I wanted, and I would love to see how everyone else's game ended. But it was just bittersweet to end the game, like this is it for my character and their friends, I would love to see halsin in the shadowlands working on getting it fixed and Gale working on becoming a god. There's just so much more story to tell (Don't even get me started on Wyll and Karlach.)

But I'm kind of sad like these are my friends I wasn't playing as a d&d character but didn't to be someone. I named my character after me and I was answering how I would answer in real life. It was me there, I wasn't trying to be this cool superhero, I just was using my gut. And it's just sad to see it ended, I could always play again but this first play through was special.

I'll miss these guys.

[slusheeduck]

Happy

Surely being the lover of an ascended vampire is the happiest ending one could hope for. (Ascended Astarion AU)

This bite was so much like the others. A quick flash of pain, then a soothing numbness as Astarion drank. Falerin’s slip to unconsciousness was soft and gentle, with the comforting weight of his love like a blanket over him.

But as he awoke, something felt very wrong. He was cold, so cold, and there was an unsettling stillness in his chest—his heartbeat, which had always been a fluttering, uncertain thing, had stopped altogether. But most unsettling was the ache in him. The burning in his throat, the gnawing of hunger in his stomach.

His eyes, both a deep red, flew open, and he sat up with a rattling gasp.

“Shh, I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” Strong, sure hands, feeling nearly warm despite their own chill, rested on his shoulders, easing him back down. “Isn’t that nice, me being the one to say that to you for a change.”

Falerin’s eyes flicked up to Astarion. The vampire—well, ascendant vampire—was already dressed, and he sat lightly on the edge of the bed as he looked over Falerin. He was quiet for a moment, gaze simply traveling over his face. The hunger clawing in Falerin seemed reflected in Astarion’s eyes.

“You are…so beautiful,” he murmured, hand moving up to cup Falerin’s cheek. His thumb stroked his cheekbone, and he smiled. “And you will be beautiful forever.” He leaned in closer, voice dropping. “Thank you for trusting me.”

Falerin’s eyes closed as he let out a long breath, and he opened them again to look up at Astarion. “What exactly happened?”

Astarion’s thumb continued to stroke Fal’s cheek. “You were drained dry,” he said frankly, and his thumb moved to press against the half-drow’s lips. “Then, at the height of your delirium, I granted you one drop of my own blood.” He smiled as he leaned down. “And that was that. Now, my love, there’s nothing that can separate us. Not Cazador, not the fey, not your heart…you’ll be with me forever. We’ll get our happy ending, and it’ll last an eternity.”

Falerin kept his eyes on Astarion as he spoke, finding himself hanging on every word. But…something was odd. The elf’s eyes were flat and cold as he spoke, missing the spark that he’d come to adore. His brows drew together as he pushed himself up to sit.

“And you, love?” he asked softly. “How are you feeling after…everything?”

“Me?” Astarion laughed. “I feel…incredible. This power is more than I could have ever dreamed. I have everything in the world I could want. Cazador is dead, I’m the most powerful vampire in existence. With a bit of time and that pesky brain out of the way, I’ll have all of Baldur’s Gate at my feet…” He cupped Falerin’s chin with his hands. “…and I have the most perfect consort to share it all with.”

Falerin didn’t respond, brow furrowing. Something terrible was gnawing at him, screaming that this was wrong. That this wasn’t Astarion—not his Astarion, anyway. The sweetness, the sarcasm, the uncertainty and earnestness…in this Astarion, in his master, all he could see was hunger.

Astarion tilted his head as Falerin stayed silent. “Oh, little love, what could be bothering you?” he asked softly. “You have the most powerful being in Faerûn ready to satisfy your every whim. It’s the least I could do, after all you’ve given me, to see you happy.”

Falerin glanced up, meeting Astarion’s eyes. He could feel the power in them, sense it radiating off of Astarion. He had given it to him. He could have said no. But…no, this was the right choice. It had to be. He’d live forever, even as a spawn, and he’d have Astarion with him. It was everything he wanted, too.

He gave Astarion a wavering little smile. “I…think it’s the hunger,” he says quietly. “My throat hurts so badly.”

Astarion clicked his tongue. It wasn’t much, but it was something familiar—maybe, maybe it would just take time for him to come back. “I thought you would be. Luckily, I have friends in low places.” He leaned forward to kiss Falerin’s forehead, a little peck without the customary warmth he’d come to expect. “Stay here, my pet. I’ve got just what you need. Then we can explore both of our new abilities, together.”

Falerin watched him go, swallowing hard against the new burn in his throat. It would take time, but he could wait. He’d done this so they would be happy. And he would be happy. He had to be. ~

Within a century, the ordeal of the Netherbrain was a distant memory, a footnote in the storied history of Baldur’s Gate. Life went on, as it always did. New people rose to power, then fell, and the cycle continued.

Except for the case of Astarion Ancunín.

The new lord in the crimson palace was a marked improvement over the old one. He regularly held beautiful events with even more beautiful people. His courtiers, for lack of a better term, were made up of the city’s best and brightest—well, brightest might be an exaggeration. Ever the libertine, the lord had chosen a majority of the household for their looks, though the particularly witty ones were always the ones he showed the most attention to. And who wouldn’t want to be the center of his attention? He had a particular way of making one feel like they were the only person in the entire world.

As for his…condition, well, that was an open secret. Nearly everyone in the city had a friend who aspired to receive the eternal gift from Lord Astarion. Every party ended with at least a dozen new courtiers joining his court. Look at this decadence, was the unspoken message in each soiree, look at how happy everyone is. Don’t you want this? Of course you do. Submit to me, and it’s yours.

To those who had received the gift of the night, Lord Astarion was very open about his origins. How he’d gone from a humble spawn to the powerful ascendant he was now. His spawn—his children, he called them, in a flighty, teasing way that suggested it was one big joke—had it much better than he had. There was no Kennel, no tombs. If they displeased the lord, and it was so rare that anyone did, then there was merely a talk.

It's very hard to act out when you have no option but to obey, after all.

There was just one dark spot, in all of the decadence and glamour of the crimson palace: the lord’s consort, Falerin.

The eldest spawn could remember the early days of the crimson palace, when both lord and consort were the brightest things in the room. How Lord Astarion paraded him around, citing him as the reason behind everything he was able to do. Their wedding had been the event of Baldur’s Gate. Aeterna Amantes, Eternal Lovers, had been the proclamations on every announcement, and even today, Lord Astarion exclusively used it when referring to Falerin. But slowly, the half-drow vampire had stopped coming to events. He didn’t interact with courtiers, outside of the odd snarl and snap when one of the lord’s favorites got a little too comfortable with their station. But then, after a few days with his husband, he would be back to normal: polite and quiet, but content.

Of course, despite Astarion’s clear devotion to his husband, that never stopped young, new spawn from thinking they had a chance. The newest was a tiefling girl, Zapharia—a pretty thing, with soft, rose-gold curls that matched the elegant horns curling from her forehead. She’d been a bard before she’d joined the court, with a sweet voice and a charming way with words that ensured she always knew exactly what to say to get her way. It was no surprise that Astarion had warmed to her.

“Well, forever’s a long time, isn’t it?” she said to the little group of spawn that had settled around her, giving a saucy toss of her head. “The lord can’t be satisfied with someone like him for the long term. He needs someone bright, vibrant…fun.” She sent a knowing look down the hallway, to the lord and his consort’s chambers. “And I can give that to him. You know what, I’m going to give that to him.”

So, with a flounce of pink skirts and a raise of her chin, she made her way back to their chambers. She opened the door, clear voice ringing out as she called, “Lord Astarion!”

“He’s busy.”

Zapharia’s red eyes scanned the room, seeing Falerin at a table. He didn’t even look up at her as he wrote, and she scoffed.

“I bet he is, if you’re asking,” she said, hand going to her hip. “He’ll make time for me, though. Where is he?”

“He won’t.” He dipped his quill before he resumed his writing. “Go back to the main house, Zapharia.”

She scowled, then smirked as she sidled her way over. “Oh, my apologies, Fal.”

“Lord Falerin.”

“Oh, come on, we don’t need to be so formal.” She leaned against the table, watching him write. “After all, Lord Astarion and I have an understanding. Surely he’s told you about me…we spend so much time together, he must have.” She looked over her nails. “He’s told me I’m special.”

“Has he, now?”

“Mm. How fortunate he was to meet me, how much he loves my songs…it goes beyond just pillow talk.” She covered her mouth, eyes going wide. “Oh, dear me, how embarrassing. I wasn’t supposed to say that.”

Falerin didn’t look up. “Last warning, Zapharia,” was all he said.

She stayed put, staring down at him. “It must be hard,” she said, voice dropping. “Knowing that he loved you once. But let’s not kid ourselves, Fal…that ��eternal lovers’ thing is in the past. Let someone new take care of his needs. It’s the kind thing to do.”

One of the biggest mistakes that courtiers made was thinking that Falerin, by virtue of being a spawn like them, wasn’t a threat. But he was older than all of them, and the hero of Faerûn besides. He knew how to strike, and he knew how to do it quickly.

When Astarion came in, blood coated the carpet and walls of the room, and it had spattered all over the paperwork Falerin had been working on. The chair he’d been in was broken in the struggle, it seemed, and Zapharia lay prone on the floor—neck torn open, eyes staring sightlessly overhead. A makeshift stake, made from one of the chair’s legs, was buried right between her ribs.

Falerin, mouth and hands bloodied, sat silently on a nearby couch, not even looking up as Astarion entered. The elf clicked his tongue.

“Well, you’ve certainly made a mess with this one,” he said, gesturing to Zapharia’s corpse. As Falerin stayed silent, he sighed. “Much as I love the sight of you with blood on your lips, you can’t keep doing this, my pet.”

“Don’t call me that.”

Astarion’s eyes shot over to look at him. “It’s one of those days, then,” he said, voice low. He snapped his fingers. “Come along, my sweet. Let’s clean you up.”

Falerin grimaced, trying to fight the inherent compulsion to follow. But he got to his feet, as he always did, trudging after Astarion to their bedroom. He sat, like a good little spawn, on the edge of the bed as he waited for Astarion to come from the washroom, a damp washcloth in hand. He stayed silent as Astarion dabbed at his face—the touch was gentle, it always was, but clinical and cold—and he stared pointedly at the wall.

“Falerin, look at me.”

Falerin made a face, and he shut his eyes. The rebellion only lasted a moment, though, before Astarion gripped his jaw, just tight enough to hurt.

“Look at me,” he repeated, the compulsion stronger. Falerin’s eyes opened, and he sucked in a deep breath as he stared at Astarion. The elf looked over him for a long moment, then gave another sigh. “Dearest, what’s wrong? You look so unhappy.” Falerin stayed silent. “Don’t tell me you were jealous of her, darling? She was a trinket, like the others. Nothing like you.” He leaned in for a kiss, but Falerin jerked his head away before their lips could touch.

“I hate this,” he said, voice very soft. “I hate this. I hate what our lives are.”

Astarion’s head tilted. “But…but this is what we wanted. This is what we fought for. You and I together, with power that the rest of the miserable wretches of this world could only dream of.”

“This isn’t what I wanted,” Falerin snapped back. “I never wanted to be…holed up like this, to be your…your little treasure.” He looked up, red eyes full of rage as he bared his teeth. “You are not the man I fell in love with.”

Astarion gave a sigh as he rolled his eyes; he’d heard this before. “No, I’m not. The man you fell in love with was weak and frightened and powerless. I’m better. I give you what you deserve, my love. Riches, adoration, a seat at my right hand.” His hands cupped Falerin’s chin, tilting his head up to meet his eyes. “You know you only have to ask, and I’ll give you the world.”

“I don’t want the world. I want…I just want you. Who you were.” Falerin swallowed hard, and he looked up at Astarion, misery etched in his face. “Let’s just…let’s just leave, Astarion.”

“Leave?”

“Yes, leave.” He reached up to wrap a hand around Astarion’s wrist. “Let’s go to Neverwinter, like we said we would all those years ago. Just…just you and me. It’ll be better, so much better than our lives here.”

Astarion stared at him. A century ago, when he’d first ascended, there might have been a flicker of doubt, a bit of his old spark at the suggestion. But his eyes remained flat and cold, even as he laughed.

“Now, little love, whyever would we leave now? We nearly have all of Baldur’s Gate at our beck and call. Another decade, and we’ll be sovereigns. Just. Like. We. Wanted.” He punctuated each of those words with a tap to Falerin’s nose. “Now, stop being ridiculous. We’ve a gala tonight, and we can’t have you bloodied up for it.”

Falerin sat very still, staring hard at Astarion. His lips trembled, but he managed one word.

“No.”

Astarion, already standing up, paused for a moment. Slowly, he tilted his head—a predator locking sights on its prey. “I beg your pardon?”

“No.” Now, Falerin’s whole body was shaking, but he kept his eyes firmly ahead. “No. I’m not doing this anymore. I…I’m going to leave.”

For a moment, Astarion was still and silent, and Falerin thought he may have a chance. But, just as he started to get up, Astarion’s hand was clenched around his jaw again. He surged downward, forcing Falerin’s face upward so he could meet his gaze. Finally, his eyes had some light behind them—fury blazed red as he stared at Falerin. The half-drow couldn’t look away, breath caught in his throat.

“You are not leaving,” Astarion hissed. “I will not lose you. You will stay here, with me, like you always have. You belong here.” He was quiet for a moment, and his expression softened. His voice dropped to a whisper. “Besides…aren’t you happy?”

Falerin’s eyes widened as fear rose up in his chest. He shook his head as best he could, struggling to get away. “Astarion…Astarion, no. Please…” Tears leaked from his eyes as Astarion’s gaze didn’t waver. “Please, don’t.”

“My perfect consort, my darling love…”

“Astarion, please!”

“…you simply must be happy.”

“No!” But it was too late. The compulsion was taking hold, and Falerin felt his anger, his hurt, melt into sweet compliance. There was one final flash of fury on his face before it went blank. He stared up at Astarion for a moment, and a smile suddenly forced itself onto the half-drow’s face.

“Of course I’m happy,” he said. “I’m with you.” He leaned up to give Astarion a kiss. “Aeterna amantes.”

“There’s my little love,” Astarion crooned, finally letting go of Falerin’s face. “Now, like I said. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

Like so many galas, this was a peak affair of decadence and luxury. There were a few whispers of what a shame it was that tiefling bard was nowhere to be found, but that was no matter, really. After all, everyone’s eyes were on the lord’s consort.

How lucky he was, to be so happy.

Casual Banter Masterpost

[suicidalgamergirl]

Past and Present

Just writing more of my fic.

And why Tav left him.

****

CENTURIES AGO

“That’s what you want, isn’t it?” he asked looking at his partner, “To be mine? Forever?”

Tav looked alarmed. Their thoughts were all over the place. They just saw said vampire spawn carve his hellish scars onto his master. He asked them, with the tadpole, to give him the image of said scars. Yes, cries in whimpering, as the master becomes a lamb to be slaughtered

Ecco Dominus…

All the spawn were sacrificed in the aftermath. He was free. Truly free from his master and Mephistopheles’ blessing made him have such power.

They made a terrible mistake.

“No no no,” Tav called as they placed their hands on their head.

“My sweet love,” he replied as he saw Tav feeling anxious, “what is the matter?”

Tav never thought for themselves. They were caught in a trap of the mind flayers and encountered many allies, especially one that pressed a dagger to their throat.

He was a monster.

Just like Cazador.

Panic, they backed away from the newly formed Vampire Ascendant. He didn’t want them to be very anxious.

“Don’t worry,” he said while looking at Tav, “you are going to be wonderful obedient.”

“NO!” Tav cried, “You’re just like Cazador!!!”

It stung him. His kind facade turned cruel. Someone who helped him to become this free and now they act like this.

“How dare you…” he almost growled those words, “How dare you compare me to him?! You helped me. I’m grateful for your aid and you dare act like this?! We’ll have a wonderful time tasting what Baldur’s Gate has to offer us! Just wait for it to see us!”

“Stay away from me!” Tav replied, “You are a monster!”

“You ungrateful fool. I have enough of your pandering. I could have granted you immortality. But it seems you won’t accept my appraisal of you. I do not need any of this.”

He turned around and left the room. Harmed and hurt from Tav’s words, he was going to find a quiet place to lick his own wounds.

He didn’t need this. Tav on her own will face the flayers without his aid. Tav was nothing but a spoiled brat.

In the end, he was meant to be alone.

****

PRESENT DAY

“How can you walk in the sun?” Ness said, “Do you spar…”

Astarion placed a finger on her lips, smirking at her reply.

“I doubt I do that in the sunlight,” Astarion said, “I’m afraid that was a myth created by some horny writer to sell out her works to young feeble teenagers.”

Her face still flustered and saw the error of her ways. How silly of her to think that.

“But to answer your question,” Astarion began, “someone very dear to me helped me defy my own master, a blessing by Mephistopheles granted my salvation and freedom. Afterwards, they left me behind and now here I am today, uninvited in your apartment.”

“Do you miss them?” Ness asked.

“Terribly. They said cruel things to me and broke our partnership, refusing to take this blessing with me.”

“That’s sad.” Ness looked at Astarion. So it was a ritual that granted this gentleman all this power and no more vampiric weaknesses. He is one unique vampire lord.

The idea of her joining him crossed her mind. Yet she feared that she would get anxious of him biting her. She didn’t want to be seen as delicate prey. She didn’t deserve to be admired by death. All she did was to take care of a fluffy white bat.

But she wished the vampire wouldn’t be alone. It must suck living for centuries alone with no friends or allies to come to your aid. She felt a kindred spirit. She is also alone, in her own apartment, and making a living cleaning offices. It’ll be nice to have some company, human or vampire.

She was still afraid of what she wanted from The Vampire. She was in a terrible relationship with Ken, her mental illness tends to second judge her decisions, and her parents can only help so much.

Will they even miss her once the vampire bites her? How can she get out of this situation?

Astarion could hear her pulse quicken. Was there ever a time Nessa was ever calm? She shouldn’t be so afraid of him.

He won’t bite.

Astarion thinks he needs to calm her down, her pulse is racing, that cannot be good for her. He looks at her for a moment before speaking. "Nessa, what is upsetting you? I promise, I will not harm you, I have no reason to."

Nessa let go of said vampire lord.

“I AM NOT UPSET!” Ness cried out.

The sheep was standing up to the wolf.

Nessie fell to her knees, wrapping her arms around herself. Astarion looked at her with concern.

“Ken made my life a living hell,” Nessa started as her head was lowered, “but he wasn’t the first one who made me feel like my own worst enemy.”

Confused, Astarion let her speak.

“I was taken advantage of when I was a tween,” Nessa continued, “I just wanted to have a friend my age. I grew up as an emotionally stunted adult afterwards. It’s why I keep reading vampiric lore. It’s something that escapes my real life and the idea of feeling special because someone admires your blood. Craves it like water. Ken took my assault and made me part of his loveless relationship with me. Who knows what would happen to me if I didn’t find him cheating on me?”

Ness kept her head down.

“You can leave,” Nessa muttered to him, “I shouldn’t take advantage of you either.”

She wasn’t taking advantage of him. Astarion flew in here as a bat and was trying to avoid pesky vampire hunters. He arrived from shopping and a second time, Ness thwarted the vampire hunters once again.

“Don’t be so melodramatic darling,” Astarion replied to her as he cupped her chin and forced her to keep her eyes on him.

He saw her eyes in pain, as if they wanted the sweet release of death. She looked up at him.

“Nessa,” Astarion continued, “you’ve helped me more than you think. I don’t like you casting doubt upon yourself.”

Nessa looked at him with her cheeks flustered red again.

This vampire lord was quite different from what she read so far. Ken never did any of this to her.

****

Vanessa’s parents were heading home.

“Ever since she left Ken,” her mom said, “I wish Vanessa would find someone to make her happy. It must be rough for her to open up to others.”

“All we can do is support her,” her dad replied. He felt bad that Nessa was so insecure. It was probably because of her illness that she acts this way.

They knew Nessa was different. She was a quiet kid who kept to herself and sometimes drew doors on the walls. She had trouble making friends and hated her name due to the constant bullying from other kids her age.

She wasn’t a bad kid.

Just different.

She always asked for gift cards and a new phone. She spends her time reading those vampire novels.

Perhaps living a fantasy of a vampire to whisk her away. To take her away from all her troubles.

Though, vampires do not exist.

She had to grow up.

They accidentally bump into someone. Both of them looked up and found themselves confronting a group of people with weapons.

“You know of Vanessa?” Rolan asked. There was a smirk across his lips.

“She’s our daughter,” the mother replied, “and she can take care of herself.”

“You gotta convince her to stop protecting The Vampire Ascendant,” Doug suggested, “He’ll murder her in cold blood.”

“Our daughter can handle it,” her dad replied, “she doesn’t need our permission.”

Rolan sighed. Then his fellow hunters grabbed them. The parents couldn’t put up a fight, especially when Zahra flashed her UZI at them, which led them to stop struggling.

“I hate to bring innocent people in this,” Rolan said, “but I can’t let that Vampire Ascendant walk freely. And you two are wonderfully going to help me.”

****

And the hunters are back. I got good ideas of where this is going.

-V

[actuallyevilgay]

The Apathy (Part 3)

Astarion x Male Reader/Tav

DNI if you are a minor. Dead dove don’t eat. Please read my about before replying. Content: Astarion x Male tav, this is post epilogue.

Summary: Your escape from the guard did not go unnoticed, trouble is brewing and Astarion is searching for you while a familiar face visits Jilvy's cute little tavern. Reminders: Astarion is the vampire ascendant, Tav is not a heroic figure. Contains headcanons for several characters, contains headcanons for illithid brain alteration but not evolving. Tav uses daggers and magic. Astarion is an Arcane Trickster Rogue. I created several npcs. Some Neverwinter lore is mentioned but might not be lore friendly. Content Warnings: Tav suffering from depression / ptsd, self-neglect. A/N: Link to previous part. Trouble be brewing.. I have a lot of ideas for this mini series. Hope you don't mind my story pacing too much, I do read my stuff back before posting but I don't have time to go back and fix every typo. Remember to leave a follow so you don't miss out on it!

...... Even when everyone was aware of the location, it was unclear if his old friends all intended to look for Tav. Astarion bet on it that Gale and Karlach would certainly try, but both had busy schedules. Karlach simply was busy trying not to die, so she had to remain in avernus until Dammon could do something about her engine permanently. As for Gale, he had students to attend to, a full schedule. Only the holiday season could free him from that disaster. Which may be soon, so the vampire lord had plenty of time.

The only other person he could imagine going right into the chase was Jaheira, if not to gain advantage over him. Some nosy harper that old woman is.

Astarion had made note that he could potentially run into any of them, and personally.. He’d rather avoid that entirely. If anything, he’d hoped to just see Tav. Talk to him before anyone else could. Perhaps that way he could convince him to come back, take his place at Astarion’s side. Like how it used to be.. Together.

Vandelion and Tyselius both disguised themselves as adventurers, and with a simple masterful glamour spell, Astarion fit right in. He had picked the appearance of a blonde half elf, attractive, but plain enough to not draw too much attention to himself.

Certainly not even his old friends would notice… Could he still call them friends?

There was this distance put between them in the last six months. Everyone had moved on from the adventure to live their lives. The trip to Neverwinter took almost 20 days, even with the more convenient methods of travel, horseback, carriage, or by boat.. It all went by in a blur. There was this consistent anxiety that in the time it took to get here, Tav could’ve left.

If he hadn’t, certainly Neverwinter would not have swallowed him whole. And so, to focus his stress Astarion made sure to remember every tiny detail of his lost lover’s face.

His voice, the colour of his eyes. The way he looked over his shoulder…

It made him smirk, even on this disguised face.. There was this familiarity to Astarion’s smile. Not that anyone who knew him was here to notice except for his bodyguards.

As astarion’s gaze got lost in the snowy streets of neverwinter, he remembered Tav’s eerily piercings eyes in the midst of one of their past battles. He recalled the scent of adrenaline in his lover’s blood, when the Grymforge Golem crawled out of the forge.

Astarion’s eyes glanced up to the mountains in the distance, spotting the resting volcano. Without trying, the smell of the magma mephits exploding near his face came flowing back with a sense of nostalgia and absence.

Absence.

When Tav darted forwards to plunge himself into that lever, everyone was flailing around from the quake. Sweat dripped from his forehead, he struggled to breathe.

‘’The hammer! Keep luring it towards the hammer!’’ 

Visions of the fight interrupted his daydreaming. This was when he first realised he felt for Tav, craving for something more than what he pretended they had. Something real.

Everyone nearly died that day, the night cometh.. Tav could not sleep at all.

Astarion envisions it so clearly. The man had wandered towards his tent, only to pace back and hesitate. Nothing happened between the two that night.. There was only this exchange of eye contact that could have lasted for hours.

There was an absence in his eyes, Astarion realises. How could he have missed that? He pondered how many times that look completely overtook his lover’s eyes.

No.. He recalled it. After absorbing Nere’s tadpole, long before that fight, Tav would fool around less. He was distant for a while, the power gave him an edge in battle.. But everytime he took another one of those worms, he took more risks, damage… It drained him just as much as it empowered him.

‘’Someone has to take more hits,’’ Tav always excused his actions, claiming it was for the best. For a time Astarion assumed he was covetting the power greedily- Up until they met the emperor he had assumed Tav would rather keep it for himself for selfish reasons.

The way that thing.. The mind flayer- Spoke, deeply unsettled him. It was utterly disgusting when the thing suggested Tav take the damn astral worm.

Astral or not, nothing good could have come from it, and thus- in a fury of sudden rage, Tav stomped the thing to the ground. ‘’No more! I’m done with this bullshit!’’ His screams nearly send the Emperor in a rage.. The beast contained himself. He needed their party to succeed.. It accepted his losses…

All the while Astarion happily encouraged Tav to make use of the tadpoles as he had.. The parasite granted him his freedom after all...

Neither of them ever set out to be heroes.. All Astarion wanted was freedom. He went along for the ride, and came out of it with more power than he could have ever dreamed of.

Tav on the other hand… Before anyone could even celebrate his deeds, he disappeared.

Baldur’s mouth gazette would only mention the mystery hero for a few weeks, and then forget about it completely. It was almost as if he never existed, his accomplishments didn’t matter enough to these peasants..

The anger Astarion had felt during that time was unreasonable. He so deeply regretted it.

For all the time that he has been thinking about this man with rage and heartbreak, no one else seemed to even worry about him. If his old friends dared to show up here now, it would be an insult. What was even a worse insult is them not coming at all. They could pretend all they want, they moved on with their lives. The notion that Jaheira went looking and came back with nothing felt like a big lie to Astarion. They only cared when he didn’t show up to that stupid reunion.. Yes.. Ironically he dismissed the thought that he too was guilty of this. No, not once did Tav leave his thoughts. Not once.

‘’Sir?’’ Vand’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

 ‘’Ah.’’ Astarion  sighed. ‘’ Yes. Let's explore around a bit, shall we? Perhaps there is some clue.. There has to be..’’ He wiped some of the snow off his cheek, regaining focus.

Ty’s chirpy persona chimed in. ‘’Would you look at that? There’s a crowd gathering.’’ Convenient timing.

The three turned their heads to the square. There was a noticeboard, and a bunch of wintershield watchmen gathered as something was being nailed to it.

‘’Adventurers, Mercenaries and fellow citizens!’’ The one who seemed to be in charge took the attention of the crowd, attracting an audience.

‘’About Tenday ago, one of our faithful guardsmen was a victim in a murder attempt, any aid towards finding the criminal will be rewarded forthwith. They must be put to justice.’’ The guard steps aside to show the drawing she posted on the board. A dagger with a curled edge was drawn clear as day. Astarion recognised it as one of Orin’s weapons- Wielded faithfully by his Tav, as a trophy.

The wicked thing meant very little to him, it was just a tool.. But to see it depicted here, in a place that has no personal history with Bhaal’s cult was most unusual.

Effectively, this confirmed that Tav was indeed here, and the first clue to finding him was the man who had been nearly stabbed to death with this weapon. ‘’My dear friends, it seems we’ve found ourselves a job.’’ Astarion put a hand on his hip, acting like a confident adventurer eager to aid in solving this problem for whatever pittance of coin the guard offered. He did not need it, but he certainly needed to know what would cause Tav to leave his weapon behind.. Why stab a guardsman out of all people?

First things first, he would have to question the victim, dead or alive.

…

You’ve been working here for at least a week… Maybe two. Slowly adapting to the circumstances. Jilvy’s motherly attitude made you less anxious, quietly doing chores in the background. You liked it here, right? It was warm.. You could hide. You didn’t have to go outside anymore.

Jilvy offered you a place to sleep and eat, as well as live and work- It had been pleasant, if not for the lack of sensation..

Sensation, no- Emotions. You lacked proper responses at times. You knew you were experiencing emotions, even if they felt odd and confusing. Most of the time you could find some comfort in the absence of it. The emptiness, the apathy.

Your facial features did not move very much, unless you spoke- people might’ve assumed that you were an automaton, or a doll of sorts.

Jilvy welcomed customers in her establishment with much glee. It was a pretty niche place, never too busy. All the folk that visited it were particularly characteristic.

From a dragonborn that paraded around in rainbow colours singing throaty songs, to a group of Gnomes reciting some sort of play.. There were all sorts of faces here. None of them seemed dangerous. Jilvy had organised a book club or something in the past, and a lot of her clients were previous club members.

You felt out of place here, they were all so.. Normal. As you peel potatoes, the knife feels too familiar in your hand. You spin it around a bit absent mindedly before returning to the task.

The bell that rings when the door opens loudly repeats twice as two figures come inside in rapid succession. ‘’Dharma, I told you to stop following me!’’ The voice was a man’s, stern, polished. Something about it made your hairs stand on edge, but you kept your back  turned to the door as you worked on the food behind the counter. You crafted little chips shaped portions to bake in with salt later. It was a treat Jilvy taught you to make.

‘’But sir- I’ve told you we’d make a decent couple! Ask your mother, she’d agree!’’

‘’That is inappropriate. Not only inappropriate! You’ve stalked your own teacher on his holiday spouting this nonsense. Dharma, I am going to have a stern talking to your parents and I am dropping you from my class effective immediately. Leave. Now.’’

‘’But-’’

Before the debacle could continue further, Jilvy interrupted the conversation. ‘’Oh dear, get yourself out before I get the guard involved, m’kay? I’m running a business.’’ 

You assumed the student by the name of Dharma left, as the sound of the door being thrown open and closed with much force came soon after.

‘’Thank you.. I’ve been dealing with this headache for weeks.’’ The man replied.

‘’Sounds like a wild time, would you like a seat, handsome?’’ Jilvy would sometimes flirt with the customers, but it was never too serious. Just some mild banter.

They held a conversation in a corner further away from the counter. The man would complain about the student trying to make moves on him during private tutoring sessions. The girl grew obsessed. He did not expect her to follow him all the way to Neverwinter.

‘’What brings you all the way to Neverwinter for a holiday? Waterdeep is such a dreamy location, if I lived there, I probably wouldn’t want to leave.’’ You could guess Jilvy was lying, she was simply showing interest in her customers to make them want to frequent more. Or perhaps spend more money. Something like that.

‘’Oh, nothing special.. Just.. Oh who am I kidding? I’m on a quest.’’ The man’s voice chirped, there was a sense of pride in his voice. The pride quickly faltered as he continued..

‘’A dear friend of mine disappeared after the attack on Baldur’s Gate. I haven’t seen him in months. I should’ve gone after him.. I’m worried.’’

Baldur’s gate..?

Those two words buzzed in your brain.. It’s the name of a city. There was an attack.. The violent visions.. Did this man know you? No, it could just be a coincidence. You were no one. You did not want to be found.

The noise of the background conversation turned into white noise, slightly blurring out your vision as you stumbled. You tried to keep a hold of yourself by grabbing the counter. The fainting spell faded quickly.

Before you knew it, the man had approached the counter, as Jilvy got around to pour him a drink. You could feel his eyes slowly drift from Jilvy into your back. And then.. Nothing.

If he knew you, he’d probably recognise you.

But then again.. You’ve neglected yourself so much, you couldn’t even recognise your own reflection as something familiar. Your clothes were a bit too large for you, fastened with plenty of belts. A coat on top, to make sure people wouldn’t be distracted by how thin you were. Your hair used to be much messier before you started working, it was still a bit longer than you think it should’ve been. Tidied up and cut by Jilvy as much as you allowed her to.

‘’Oh, Tav, could you pass me those herbs? I can’t reach that far.’’ Jilvy’s request made your body move on its own, quietly passing a bottle to her with a turn.

Your eyes met the man’s.

He looked.. Confused. Processing something. He kept staring, even as Jilvy continued to banter towards him about the tea flavour she invented.

‘’Tav, make sure you don’t burn the chips again? The gnomes are looking hungry.’’ Jilvy nudged your side. Once more you moved without thinking too much about it.

The halfling kept talking for a time as you did your chores, up until she handed the man his tea, then she slowly made her way back to you and tugged at your leg, implying she wanted to whisper something in your ear.

‘’I saw the staring. Isn’t he handsome?’’ Jilvy winked. ‘’Oh, Uhm..’’ Your response was lacking. You fought for something new to say. ‘’I guess. He has a nice beard.’’ Did he? Probably. You weren’t sure. A part of you wanted to cower and hide. A headache was coming.. And then, nausea. ‘’I..’’ Jilvy recognised the look you gave her. ‘’Go, shoo.’’

She smiled eagerly into the man’s direction as you darted for the door, running around the corner to find the bathroom, dreading what would come.

As you waited and waited, the nausea left. Your guts slowly calmed, but not without an awful lot of pain shooting through it. How fortunate. Your throat wouldn’t have to deal with this today. These headaches were unbearable.

You rest your head in your hands as you slowly gather the courage to stand back up, dizzy from the tossing and turning your brain was doing.

You walked back to the door, and waited briefly in front of it, watching the man talk some more with Jilvy.

‘’Is your employee alright?’’ 

‘’Oh, He’s been through a lot. Homeless boy. I’m taking care of him.’’

‘’Ah.. You said his name was Tav..?’’

‘’He thinks that’s his name, is my guess.’’

‘’I see..’’

There was a long silence as the man poured his tea quickly into his mouth in a sudden hurry.

‘’I’ll be back with a book to read tomorrow, you do breakfasts, yes?’’

Jilvy grinned at the fact she had won over a new customer, even if it was just a tourist.

‘’I’ll be seeing you soon, Gale.’’

[wetcatspellcaster]

If it’s not [REDACTED] material you plan on covering further on in Pieces, would you mind talking about why Hemlock is so jealous of Rosalie? It seems like every time she’s “on screen” she’s making some sort of jab at Rosie concerning either Astarion/Rosalie’s past relationship, or Astarion and Hemlocks (insinuated?) carnal activities, but hardly anyone ever comments on it. Like poor Hemmie practically spat the fact Astarion comes to her bed in Rosalie’s face during Chapter 12 in front of Shadowheart but no one acknowledges that she’s constantly trying to make Rose upset with this info. Is it just the power of the Ascendant that Hemlock is drawn to and makes her wish she was on Rosalie’s level (in Astarion’s eyes), or is it the bond between vampire and spawn that makes her act like this?

Hey anon! Thank you for the question! I'll try to answer you as best I can without spoilers :)

Firstly, the reason no one ever comments on Hemlock's behaviour or the buckwild things she says is because.... they all find it kind of cringe :') In my mind, by this point in the timeline, this party and Tav have encountered Gortash, Orin, Cazador, Raphael, Mizora, the Emperor's bullshit... not to mention any villains Rose encountered in her post game life, and in Avernus. They've had their fair share of villain speeches! They're used to it! They feel like water off a duck's back at this point! It's easier to simply not acknowledge it, than engage.

(Rose talks about the social energy it takes to interact with evil people in another fic I've written, she's just like "more than anything, it's exhausting to act like I value their opinions and pretend I care".)

Hemlock also thinks her and Rosalie are fighting over an Ascended Astarion... they're not. Rose doesn't want Ascended Astarion. So when Hemlock's like, "yeah, did I mention we fucked", Rose is just like "...and? you and every other person in that house. happy for you, i guess?" Like yes, it does sting a little in the sense that it shows how much Astarion has changed... but it's kind of missing the real mark? And most of Rose's friends know her well enough to know that, but especially Shadowheart, who walked round that awful dungeon with her.

That being said, Rose is more petty with Hemlock when they're alone and no one's there to judge her, but that's more because of the Feeblemind than anything.

As for Hemlock's motivations, it's unfortunately a mixture of all of the things you list above. Astarion's spawn are all people he recruited post-Ascendency, so all of them buy into his spiel to some extent. Hemlock, in particular, is a person who was already evil-aligned before she became a vampire. She was promised a lot of power and a position of supposed equals (where have we heard that before?) I do think, if she doesn't have feelings for Astarion, or may now have started to reach a point where some of the sheen of this hot, all-powerful vampire man has been tarnished, she does at least want the peak ascendency romance: the glamour, the debauchery, and the power that comes with it (she is, essentially, a Tav that picks all the pro-evil plan lines in the dialogue tree and means it).

Instead, she's forced to live a circumscribed and domesticated life, because of some girl she's never met, who Astarion waxes lyrical about whenever he has a free moment to pause for breath. In Chapter 13, I reveal that all the spawn have to live according to Rose's dictate of 'no harm' - notice that Astarion enforces that perfectly on all the people he can literally command, meanwhile he is the only person with freedom in that situation, and he can act however he likes and keeps 'messing it up uwu'. He thinks he's being 'good' and doing vampirism 'well', but what it actually is is just hypocrisy, and a way to continue to exercise power over those he controls, to some extent. Hemlock is someone who actually wants to be an evil vampire, or even a Cazador, and can't, because she's not given the free will with which to do so.

So Hemlock has this mixture of 'I am actually in love with this man and want what he promised me'; or 'I was in love with this fantasy and now I'm facing the reality, after having sold my soul, and even if I hate it here now I'm trapped, I want to find any way to salvage this so I've got to continue pretending he's right'; 'I fucking hate this woman who I'm constantly compared to and can never live up to, even though, to my mind, she sounds fucking stupid'; ....AND then there's the bond between vampire and servant. Hemlock tells Rose that she's already under orders not to displease Astarion - I fully believe that order has been in place for a long time. This Astarion words commands and orders in a way that means the spawn have the illusion of cooperation and free choice, which basically means he makes the spawn complicit in their own oppression. He'll say something like "because you've upset me, you should go to the dungeon cells and starve yourself and not move, while you think about what you've done" - that's still, to all intents and purposes, an order (especially when you're already under orders not to displease him).

Hemlock says a lot of what she says to Rosalie because it's easier to hate the woman who 'ruined her life' and 'prevents Astarion from reaching his full potential', rather than examine anything too closely and realise she's ruined her life herself. If she stops buying into the vampirism she chose, she's fucked bc it's not like she can leave it, so better to hate anything else but being a spawn.

It's just also unfortunate, that she thinks the way to hurt Rose is to brag about sleeping with Astarion. But then, the only version of Astarion Hemlock has ever known is obsessed with sex, so why wouldn't she think the woman who loves him wouldn't be as well?

I hope that makes sense! Sorry, this ended up being very long!

[atastypeach]

listen, Rolan's whole story just hits me really hard. Yes, this game is about breaking cycles, but I feel like addressing Rolan's cycle of abuse is something I gotta talk about because it's eating me up inside.

So through this game, we're told all about Cazador. Astarion isn't shy about making damn sure everyone knows just how much of a god awful wretch he is. And regardless of which ending you choose for Astarion - he gets to break free from his abuser. Sure, the cycle has a strong chance of continuing if you let him ascend, but this post isn't about it. It's about the catharsis of him killing Cazador. I think anyone who has been the survivor of abuse - in any form - may have found something truly freeing about Astarion getting to remove his shackles. But for me, something was missing. And what was missing was the secrecy of the abuse. I'm 33. I didn't face the worst of my abuse until I was 28. But that abuse went unnoticed by most people in my life. Came at the hand of my stepfather after my mom died of a terminal illness. Your tl;dr: I escaped his abuse in January of this year after years of torment. But it took people who loved me for me to realize what was happening. And I see this in Rolan too.

See, I failed at saving Rolan my first game. My game sequence broke. He didn't spawn until after I had completed Moonrise Towers and broke into the prisons. Saved him then but well. He turned on me in the end because I didn't save Cal and Lia. I'm sorry honey, blame the coding of the game being screwy, not me. But in Rolan I see a lot of myself. Not to be a kinnie on main (A/N: I am not a kinnie) but this young man shares an uncomfortable amount of traits with me, from being an overworking nerd, to being so desperately loyal to my loved ones, to drinking intensely when i can't cope with my emotions (I'm in therapy for this) and much more. And his story line has resonated with me as someone who has experienced hidden abuse. When we first meet him, he speaks highly of Lorroakan and his apprenticeship. The only real indication we get that Lorroakan might be bad news is from Gale who calls him a blowhard or something like that. We just know he's kind of a tool. But when we first meet Rolan - he's a tool. A match made in heaven, so what does it matter. But what we don't see is once we get to act three, how Rolan handles this apprenticeship with Lorroakan. And as someone who has seen both outcomes now...it hurts to see. If you fail to save Cal and Lia, Rolan follows Lorroakan blindly. He does as he wishes. He regards you with contempt and disdain. He sides with a man who we only know from a vague journal post in his bedroom that he may be experiencing abuse. He becomes Lorroakan's pawn doing precisely what he wishes. He dies for Lorroakan. A man we know has been exploiting, abusing and harming him. A man who likely knew he had Rolan wrapped around his finger because he is all Rolan had left. No family. No friends. No home to return to. Rolan is a nobody with only this wizard as his grounding point. There is no one for him, so Lorroakan has the perfect plaything. The perfect pawn. He can do whatever he wants to Rolan and there is no one to save him. And the worst part? Rolan was probably content to do just that. Sure, Lorroakan might be beating him, verbally harassing him and even worse -- but Lorroakan didn't let his family die. He wasn't the cause of Rolan losing the people he loved. And we never learn that he's being hurt until after he's already dead. But if you save him? You save his family? He recognizes his worth. He has family who see him for who he is. Who see his strengths. He has people worth living for and he has the opportunity for so much growth. He recognizes, likely thanks to the love and support he has from not only his siblings - but from you as a player, that he's being hurt. He's being exploited and used and harmed. He knows he is being abused and he wants to fight back, for his sake and for the sake of others - for his family, for Dame Aylin, for you.

IDK man, I just wanted to ramble about this. Because Rolan's own survivor story covers the hidden abuse that doesn't always get talked about. The abuse of someone who desperately is trying to remain strong in the face of it. I could probably keep rambling. Talk about how he was willing to die for Lorroakan because Lorroakan was all he had left, in his bad ending. But I think I've said my peace. I got him killed in my first playthrough, but in my second (which I'm still finishing) I feel like I'm doing myself a kindness in turn by offering him the love and support he needs. I love him. A lot.

[avelera]

I went back to my first truly harrowingly Evil Dark Urge playthrough to grab some screenshots and... got sucked back into playing lol. But the thing is, the most evilest ending has no epilogue and the "reject Bhaal at the last minute instead of at the temple" epilogue is ALSO fascinating and gut-wrenching and harrowing but what I really missed from both runs was getting to see the fruits of her egging everyone on to be their worst possible self, so...

I went back and decided to play it a little differently. I gave Aylin to Ketheric the first time (and then to Larroakan when we defeated him but she was seriously side-eying my evil Durge after, rightfully so, and Durge couldn't leave a powerful threat like that lying around obvs), which sadly loses you Shadowheart so this time I'm going with Dark Justiciar Shadowheart.

I was a little stumped on the RP for it at first, because Zenobia (my Dark Urge) was all about, "Jumping right back into the Dead Three plot from the moment she got even a smidge of memory back," which lent to her siding with Ketheric loyally and basically working with the bad guys at almost every opportunity (except for the very beginning where she was wrong-footed and out of her element so she built up allies by helping the tieflings while she got the lay of the land. She's a big believer in long-term pay off over short-term murderizing. Also, the sadistic pay-off for betrayal is so much greater than that of simply attacking right away.)

But then I decided... heck, let's groundhog day it. Let's go with the time loop or foreknowledge plot, everything I know, my Durge knows now.

Say she had a vision, or was reborn to this moment. She saw all the variations of what's to come. Saw what happens if she sides with her father. Sees what happens if she betrays him at the last moment to destroy the brain, which was a humiliation piled upon humiliation despite her long and faithful years of service.

And she is pissed.

It's starts when she gets chewed out for giving Isobel to Ketheric. She knows she's going to kill the priestess later but for now, this is a valuable tool in showing her trustworthiness to Ketheric, and Bhaal is mad at her?? Because she decided to delay her gratification in pursuit of the larger goal?? And then, then, Bhaal has the audacity to force her to try to kill her friend and former lover, Astarion, as punishment for using her intelligence to pursue the larger goal of the Dead Three plot with some level of cunning and forethought?

She was fucking outraged. Here she's been Bhaal's faithful child, chosen, general, and mortal mastermind for years and her father can't even trust her enough to allow her to exercise the bare minimum of strategy?

And from there, as I see it, Zenobia sees more and more instances of Bhaal just not fucking trusting her with carrying out this plot, which she knows in another lifetime she pulled of spectacularly, but which offered an empty, hollow victory of handing dancing puppets over to Bhaal, ruling in his name instead of her own.

And then, then while confronting Ketheric, Ketheric admits he always planned to betray his allies.

Oh she is seeing red now. Granted, all the Dead Three chosen were planning to betray each other, that's probably a given, except... Gortash wasn't. Gortash was faithful to the end if she was faithful to him. Minthara is faithful to the end. Her companions were.

So it's less that her new chance at life is making her "good" and more that it's showing her the valuable allies she tossed away, the more interesting world she could reside in, in favor of creating a world of mindless murder targets for her equally mindless, idiot father Bhaal. What an imbecile. What an insult that he doesn't give her the barest modicum of trust. What an insult that Ketheric bald-faced tells her that he would throw all of this aside for his own ends, because he's following his own idiot god.

Zenobia is seeing absolute red. Her plan still remains. She will help Gale ascend to godhood and leave the last of his soft-hearted scruples behind. She will help her former lover and friend, perhaps her first true friend, Astarion destroy his master and rise to become a powerful ally. She will deny her lover Minthara the easy win of a kingdom of thralls in favor of the more challenging but satisfying bloody return to the Underdark together. She will aid Shadowheart in becoming a Dark Justiciar. She will tear down each of Lae'zel's gods one by one, from helping to reveal Vlaakith's faithlessness to showing her even Orpheus can become what he despises most, a mindflayer. But now it is not to show them the supremacy of Bhaal but to show them they should cast down all gods. And this time, she will not hold herself separate, no, she will cast Bhaal from her life as well to pursue her own bloody ambitions in a world of true adversaries, not one populated by mindless thralls as he directed her but did not trust her to execute according to her own vision.

[blackjackkent]

So. Cazador's body is not where I killed him, which makes sense, because he's a vampire. Which means presumably I missed him turning into a fog cloud and heading back to his sarcophagus.

I was briefly worried about this before I realized that

there's a giant glowing sarcophagus in the center of the ritual area.

"No, no. No healing sleep for you. Wake up!"

Without hesitation, Astarion grabs Cazador by the collar and hurls him from the coffin out onto the stone floor.

"Get your hands off me, worm," Cazador growls - though the effect is a little lost as he is hunched on his knees before Astarion standing over him.

Astarion laughs hoarsely. "I'm not the one in the dirt." Without taking his eyes from Cazador, he leans down, picks up a strange ornate dagger which was resting next to the sarcophagus. Hector parses it at a glance. It is a blade meant for killing vampires - perhaps a safety measure for Cazador, should one of his spawn try to rebel. Within the twisting metal of the blade is a polished stake of wood.

"One last thrust..." Astarion whispers, "and I'll be free of you. I'll never have to fear you again." His voice is unsteady; Hector can hear the decades of pain and exhaustion underlaying it. The realization of a hope of peace that never seemed possible.

And then... a counterpoint against it; the elf's voice hardens suddenly, retreating from the pain into the safer, easier anger, the desire for his own control. "But if I finish the ritual you started, I'll never have to fear anyone. Ever."

From his knees, Cazador laughs - even now not believing Astarion capable of what he is threatening. "You think me a fool?" he says. His high voice is mocking and cold. "That I would allow anyone to usurp me, speak the words, and ascend in my place? The runes I carved into your flesh bind you and all seven thousand souls to the ritual! Complete it and those bearing the scars will be sacrificed - you included." His lips curl maliciously. "You are simply a means to an end. I made you to be consumed."

Astarion surges forward, the tip of the blade pointed at Cazador's heart. "I am SO much more than what you made me," he snaps out. Perhaps the words surprise even him, because he stiffens suddenly, and his eyes flick to Hector, an appeal for support.

"Get over here," he says sharply. "We can do this."

For a long moment, Hector doesn't move. He is torn in so many different directions at present - the desire for Cazador's death, the concern for Astarion, fear for what ascension would do to him, protective instinct towards the spawn in the cells and the antithetical unease at releasing them...

"Didn't you hear him?" he asks slowly, judging that an appeal to Astarion's self-interest is more likely to get anywhere than a plea for sympathy towards the other spawn. "If you complete the ritual, you'll be consumed."

Astarion laughs harshly. "Trust me. I know what I'm doing."

Hector doubts that very much. "You can't finish the ritual," he insists. "You'll kill all those people!"

"If we release them, how many more will they kill?" Astarion demands. "Tens of thousands? Hundreds of thousands?" He shakes his head. "But if I complete the ritual, think of the power I'll have. With me by your side, we can save the city!" His voice lowers, his shoulders hunching again just slightly. "We can save ourselves..."

Hector sighs inwardly. The point about the spawn is, in truth, a significant one - but he is convinced that it is a separate question. Whatever must be done with them has no bearing on the fact that Astarion cannot be allowed to do this - for his own sake. The power would corrupt him. And Hector has traveled alongside him for so long, believed in him for so long; the two of them aren't friends, not really, but they are partners in this whole terrible journey. He knows Astarion is capable of better.

He knows it better than Astarion knows it himself.

[INSIGHT] Look into his eyes - try to see what's driving this.

Narrator: You can see the fear in his eyes - but also the hunger. The thick smell of blood in the air and the promise of power being so close is intoxicating to him. All he can see is the power of the ritual, and the freedom that power brings. The freedom to do anything - to be anything.

Hector draws a slow breath, considering his words carefully before he speaks. Were he a better orator, he is sure he could deliver some stirring speech that might convince Astarion to see all the possibilities that lie outside this one path - that being his own man, indebted not even to his own lust for power, is in the long run far more valuable. But he has no such skill, and so he speaks simply and plainly, answering as best he can what he sees as the true need in Astarion's heart.

[PERSUASION] "I know you think this will set you free," he says quietly, "but it won't. This power will trap you, just like it trapped Cazador."

Astarion flinches, his eyes dropping away from Hector's. For a moment the knife falls to his side. He swallows. "You-- you're right," he mutters. "I can be better than him..."

Hector can see a muscle in his jaw start to tremble as he considers the ramifications of this, the things it means gaining - and the things it means losing. His pale hands turn even paler at the knuckles as he grips the hilt of the blade. "But I'm not above enjoying this," he mutters with sudden ferocity.

Surging forward, he seizes Cazador by the hair. Yanking his head back, he sinks the blade deep into the vampire lord's chest. Black blood spurts out over the knife, over his hands, his bare chest, his face as he stabs again, and again, and again, and again, a roar of fury growing up through him and exploding out of his throat.

Finally he stands, spent and panting and bloodsoaked, over Cazador's tattered body. The vampire lord is dead at last, and Astarion is free. His lips tremble and his chest heaves and blood drips across his skin.

He staggers, sways, sinks to his knees... and sobs...

Hector takes a cautious step forward, then another, until he is standing next to Astarion in the slowly spreading pool of blood. His instinct is to reach out, to lay a hand on the other man's shoulder... but Astarion would not welcome a touch. He never does. So instead Hector just stands there - a silent presence, a reminder that he is not alone.

Gods. Perhaps I will never have the chance to say it aloud, he thinks suddenly. And perhaps you wouldn't welcome it if I did. But I am so proud of you. So proud. I see the courage you showed here. It is not lost on me. And I see how much it cost you...

There are others, too. The other six spawn have been released from their chains and are moving to surround their fallen master.

"Is... is it over?" one of them, a young-looking elven woman, asks nervously. "Is he..."

"Yes..." Astarion whispers hoarsely. Slowly, slowly, he starts pushing himself to his feet. "He's gone."

"What does that mean for us?" another of them asks.

Say nothing.

Hector waits in silence. Should the spawn turn violent, he is ready to respond - exhausted though he feels after the battle with Cazador. But this remains Astarion's conversation to have, not his.

"It means you have a choice," Astarion says, his voice surprisingly quiet and steady. "You can hide here, living in the shadows like parasites... or you can be more than what he made us to be." He shrugs. "You can choose differently, of course, but the consequences are on your head."

"And... what does it mean for them?" the elven woman asks cautiously, jerking her head to indicate the cells in the corridor.

Astarion hesitates - and this time his eyes flick to Hector, a brief flickering moment of uncertainty. "Now that's a better question," he says. "Seven thousand spawn, from ancient conquests to stolen children..."

Narrator: Cazador's staff controlled everything during the ritual. If it controls the cells too, you could decide their fate...

Hector frowns. In truth, he has no idea what the responsible decision is here. He is sure that there is no chance that all seven thousand spawn are self-disciplined enough to restrain themselves to boar and rabbit the way Astarion has. And yet... some of them will, and the idea of condemning them to death or eternal imprisonment, for no greater crime than having been in the wrong place at the wrong time... it feels like a cruelty he cannot sanction.

And he does not want Astarion's new life to begin with such cruelty.

"Let's release them," he mutters. "They deserve the same chance you got."

"And what of the living they'll feast on, should they not prove as admirable as Astarion?" Jaheira adds, equally low, behind him. "They deserve a chance too."

Hector shakes his head. She is, of course, right to point this out-- but he suspects that in truth they are really of the same mind in this - releasing the spawn is dangerous, but leaving them here is unconscionable. There is no right answer; there is only the answer they can live with. He turns his head and looks at Astarion fixedly.

Astarion nods slowly. "The poor wretches in the cells are innocent," he says. "They shouldn't have to suffer just because I--" He stops, swallows tightly before continuing. "--lured them here..."

He leans over, picks up the staff lying on the ground, and turns it in his fingers thoughtfully for a long moment. Then he slams its end down into the ground, and a burst of red light erupts around him, spreading outwards into the cells around them. Hector can hear the sound of voices down the corridor as the freed spawn see their doors opening, one by one.

"They'll need someone to lead them," Astarion goes on quietly - this to the others of his brethren gathered around them. "Take the tunnels into the Underdark. Find somewhere... well, not safe, but less perilous."

"What?" one of the spawn says fearfully. "No, we can't--"

"Just try to keep them out of trouble," Astarion says, with uncharacteristic gentleness, looking around at them all.

There's a long pause, and then nods begin to spread around the small group, and they start to file with weary hope towards the door.

Yes, Hector thinks. Yes... it is best this way. They will be free, and they will help each other to be better than what Cazador would have made them - monsters or sacrifices. And they have the model of Astarion to follow; they have seen him do it successfully before them already. They know it is possible, because of him.

Astarion leans heavily on the staff, wipes absently at a dribble of blood about to drip into his eye. "I think we're done here..." he whispers, and there's a wonder in his voice, and the abject exhaustion of a man who has reached a climax of conflict that has been building for two hundred years.

He doesn't look at Hector, or any of them, just lets the staff clatter heavily to the floor and walks away. "Let's go."

[invinciblerodent]

I'm rambling cause I'm bothered and saw you mentioned it once so lol, feel free to ignore this is you want hun xoxo I genuinely did not want to believe that people were complaining about the lack of consent/the fearful/uncomfortable expression and body language on tav in the ascended astarion kiss scenes, like I straight up couldn't believe it, but i just looked at the patch notes for a hotfix in patch 6 and saw three separate people commenting to complain about it being "traumatizing" and wanting it to be more consensual and for him to be more dominant rather than cruel.... losing my mind i hate it here, gg on missing the point to those ppl. Rather than asking for maybe like a pop up saying "hey you chose the evil route, he's going to be evil and manipulative TW" they want it completely changed to fit their narrative and ideas. He isnt dominant hes meant to be bad, I feel so defeated they got what they wanted... Larian literally giving in and changing the point of that route is so frustrating wtf, that completely alters the whole thing...

No yeah, I totally agree with you on that.

I think I'm not even frowny about it being the way it is-- I'm obviously okay with people misunderstanding the whole route (I'd be having a really bad time if I wasn't okay with people misinterpreting media on the misinterpreting media website lol), it's not a big deal, if they want to entertain their whole "sexy dommy vampire daddy" fantasy (which, lol, this guy? really? this sopping wet rat whom I love?) it doesn't bother me-- usually I just block the people whose takes I find obnoxious or tone-deaf, and I don't even mind the expression being more ambiguous than straight-up fearful, because it allows for it to fit with a wider variety of characters.

What I dislike, upon further reflection, is how much this now comes off as if the changes are being made because of the complaints.

Even if the expressions were always intended to be more ambiguous and they just took it a slight bit too far on accident, even if it was always meant to be the way it is going to be now (which I agree, is a better way for it to be, just from a character customization point of view- i can imagine a number of characters who wouldn't look at A!Astarion like a scared bunny even if they're not "into" his cruelty), just because there was such a vocal minority responding so loudly to it and it's being changed the way they want it, it kind of makes it seem like it's setting a precedent I really don't like. Which is a precedent that says "instead of examining the actual story being told and examining the choices we made that lead to the outcome we dislike, we should just complain and yell loudly enough until all the uncomfortable aspects of it are edited out of existence". I really don't like that. (Have these people never played an oldschool otome game, with actual bad endings? Have they never had a handsome anime boy sneer into their face about how much he hates them because they didn't give him enough gifts on day 5???? Have yall never gotten friendzoned by anime boys???????????)

I already don't make much of a secret out of how much I'm not a fan of the kind of access fandom has now to the creators of the piece of media they enjoy-- how uncomfortable I am with people, like, referring to actors and game developers by their first names as if they were trusted friends, how prone people are to going through someone's twitter likes with a fine-tooth comb, and how much insight (even if we don't want it) we are given to people's completely innocuous comings and goings. I already don't like how much control people feel like they have over art created by other people.

Idk. I know Larian is trying to be a "cool game studio", and they're trying to please fans to retain their darling status, and I think it's to their detriment. I love the game they made (of course I do, I've been talking about it non-stop for the past year lol), but I genuinely hope the chunk of change they got from its success will allow them to just take a breath, and put out their next game with the confidence, and the finality it deserves.

please let's just go back to releasing a game fully and not futzing with it beyond bug fixes a year after release still, please let things just be finished and done and jfc please let's all just collectively grow some media literacy, we can't keep pissing on the poor like this they're already soaked to the bone, please

[moonvigilant]

i think it has been long enough so i can say this, bg3 ending spoilers ahead

bg3 only has one (1) ending, every other 'ending' is just non-standard gameover

and the 'evil' playthrough isn't complete as well

the one (1) ending is where you tell the netherbrain to commit die, and the gate prevails once more, if you try to do anything else you get:

try to take the brain for yourself and conquer the world? illithid gamer chair, fade to black

same as 1 but you do it for bhaal instead? illithid gamer chair, fade to black

try to save the world but you didn't resist bhaal? well too fucking bad he takes over regardless of of your choices, and there's four of them, first three will result in him taking your body, which doesn't even work in the cutscene because right after he does the game cuts to you rushing to karlach LMAO

4. 4th choice will let you kill yourself before bhaal could take over, which honestly goes pretty hard i won't lie i just wish it lasted more than 20 seconds

every other 'variance' is not even part of the ending to the actual 'plot', they are character endings i.e. lae'zel going to war w vlaakith or not, sending wyll and karlach both to avernus, etc

this is why i was also thinking they just didn't cook 'evil' playthrough enough because if you are evil most choices actually don't matter

unless i've missed something, which i very much could have, when i killed isobel (through killing aylin) i couldn't find jaheira anywhere, not even a body, the game implies that she's '''''retired''''' instead of killed off so i assumed i could find her in act 3? nope just literally nothing, friend who was watching me play was confused as well

and from what i've heard minthara doesn't even have her own personal quest, unlike halsin, which is bonkers, i don't even like her but i hope all minthara enjoyers out there get what they want

volo criticizes you for being awful and then... just peaces out, never to be seen again

i will give them that if you are a paladin durge, sarevok actually makes a comment on it

and of course the interaction with helsik in general

it's upsetting that they imply ascendant astarion could make a difference, but of course it doesn't

and then allying with gortash also makes no difference my guy just gets snapped regardless

idk, if i have to put how i feel about an evil playthrough in an easy way, it would be "it's unserious" because it is lmao they clearly are trying to nudge you into being 'good' which is fine and all but i just wish being 'bad' made more sense without the game trying to guilt trip you back into being 'good' because even with my complains i still had a lot of fun, just wish they have real 'alternate' endings

end rant, i just wanted to get this out of my system

and maybe we will have a proper durgetash ending in bg3 definitive edition *gets shot*