#even Mallory & Tanner & Moneypenny
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Oooh, 7 or 20 for the writer meta asks, please! đ
Thank you so much for this ask, Ani! Fun Meta Asks for Writers
#7 - What do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? Would others agree?
Oooo, this is a tough one! I did quite a bit of thinking about this topic at the turn of the year. After a lot of soul-searching, Iâve determined what I think my strengths are as a writer: I know what makes a satisfying story/plot, I can deliver strong pacing and structure and parallels and themes. I bring the unreliable narrators and surprises, and all the side characters in my stories have their own motivations. I work hard to develop tension and conflict and believable characterizations.Â
But whatâs probably most-distinctive about my writing âstyleâ is economy. I sketch an environment with a couple adjectives and then move on. I drizzle in exposition only when itâs needed/relevant. I donât stray down side-alley tangents or linger in descriptions and introspection; I keep the story moving. And my writing is (deceptively) straight-forward: similes are rare, and my prose is direct as opposed to poetic. But just because itâs direct doesnât mean the narrator is impartial in his observations, or being honest with himself (cough * Off the Books * cough).
Also, my spelling & grammar are always ON POINT.
Would others agree? Fuck, I have no idea. Some yes, some no. Shout-out to all the readers who have commented on my believable characterizations and intense planning/plotting! Shout-out to all the readers who were swayed by my unreliable narratorsâ opinionated perception of their world and ended up hating characters I didnât mean to be hated! Shout-out to all the readers who missed my foreshadowing or didnât understand the theme! All of these comments inspire me to try harder with the next story.
#20 - Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism youâve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)
I love this meta question so much! What a great opportunity to peek behind the curtain of the fics Iâve most-loved to write! A few months ago I posted a 30k hurt/comfort-and-pining story called Please Ask (for Help), and Iâm really proud of the choice I made for the romance arc and the late additions I made to the story outline to develop it.
The story is set over 10 days, in which Q gets struck by an SUV on his cycling commute, and Bond cuts a mission short so he can support Q during his first week of post-surgery convalescence. Bond is already in love with Q since well-before the fic starts, and he spends those 10 days of intimate care-taking secretly pining for Q, determined to conceal his feelings from his injured coworker.Â
I started writing the fic with a brisk, shallow approach to the pining, sticking solely to the present-day, taking it for granted that James Bond was simply in love. (I thought it would be a 15k story. Hah!) I wrote the opening scene of the fic, and Bond thinks to himself, âFour months ago, James would have voiced every filthy double entendre that crossed his mind.â And when I wrote that line, I knew it was a keeperâŚand also that I would have to eventually produce an answer for what happened âfour months ago,â which meant another phase of brainstorming!
Clearly, four months ago was the moment Bond realized he was in love with Q, but what spurred Bondâs realization? Was it something dramaticâan action scene or a kidnapping or a brilliant rescue? Did Bond get jealous of Q dating someone else? Did he catch Q naked, or did Q put another agent in their place with devastating sarcasm, or did Q do something that reminded Bond of Vesper? So many classic tropes I considered. But this was going to be a quiet, soft story about building trust and embracing vulnerability, so I didnât want anything dramatic or sudden or violent fueling the romance.Â
Instead, I chose to base Bondâs love on Qâs fallibility; Qâs characterization changed to that of a man too young for his promotion, who puts up an arrogant front of unimpeachable competence around his coworkers as a defense mechanismâan aloof act so convincing that Bond didnât even consider Q a friend for the first months of their acquaintance. Not until Bond glimpsed Qâs weaknesses, a few rare moments of embarrassment that made Q feel like a real person to Bond. Over the course of the story, I interjected four short memories, each building the backstory of what it was about Q that made Bond fall for him: Q laughing at himself over a wrong answer at a pub quiz; Q asleep and drooling at his desk; Q distractedly pouring salt into his tea instead of sugar; and Q so engrossed in his work that he doesnât realize heâs wearing his jumper inside-out. All moments when Bond got to see the real Q behind his proud work facade, made Bond want to shield Q from embarrassment, and made Bond recognize Q as someone human and worth adoring.
So I wanted to highlight those four memories in this meta post because they add a rich history to Bondâs feelings, and itâs easy to miss some of them amid the stresses of Bondâs present-day care-taking and Qâs physical challenges. And Qâs fallibility as the source of Bondâs love juxtaposes really nicely with Qâs initial resentment and humiliation at being so helpless and vulnerable in front of 007 post-accidentâa delicious irony I used to torture Bond repeatedly! But over the course of Qâs convalescence, Q grows comfortable being vulnerable in front of Bond (as Q never would have been at work), illustrating how Qâs feelings for Bond are developing. And I really love how that soft emotional story line plays out in the fic, supporting the convalescence arc and building to the inevitable get-together.Â
#ask meme answers#00q#00q off the books#the key to decoding Off the Books#is that POV-narrator James Bond views everyone as a THREAT#even Mallory & Tanner & Moneypenny#he's suspicious of everyone and ascribes them selfish motives#pushing away potential friends and allies#because that's how M programmed him to function#she wanted Bond insecure and isolated and dependent on her approval#and his new hyper-vigilance makes him even more paranoid#don't trust this narrator y'all
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Report to the Quartermaster on MI6 employee social media accounts
Rin Rigg is online
R: Hey Q, you asked me to keep an eye on everyoneâs social media accounts, so here is this weekâs batch! M has an officially sanctioned Facebook account which is purposely bland and mostly composed of pictures of his grizzled old sausage dog, Pickles.
Q: That is⌠adorable? No, wait. Please forget I ever called Mallory adorable.
R: Moneypenny loves Pinterest, because of course she does. Her boards are VERY aesthetic and filled with shoes, bags, and surprisingly a good number of DIY furniture refurbishment projects. Also, she has a wonderful collection of fashion exhibits.
Q: I didn't even realize there were that many fashion museums in the world, let alone the UK.
R: Tanner has somehow been dealt the short straw of keeping up a presence on The Platform Formerly Known As Twitter and does a good job of sharing relevant public service announcements and the like.
Q: Always was a reliable, affable sort of chap, so it is rather his fault he is stuck trying to make us all look respectable... He has a lot of sunrise shots?
R: Oh yeah, that is his thing. The only extra info he asks for in his mission briefings is the best place to see the sunrise.
Q: So wholesome. Makes me want to say drink.
R: 004 is on Tik-Tok. She appears to love dance videos. Also follows a number of history accounts. And she does, um, cosplay... Very, um, sexy cosplay...
Q: She sews these? Do you think we can convince her to work in Textiles after she retires?
R:...
R: You really are quite gay.
Q: Quite.
R: Alright, last one. Remember I asked if we should track retired staff accounts? 007 maintains a surprisingly robust Flickr, an account that goes back over a decade. It is am impressive travelog! A Shinto shrine glowing in the late afternoon sun. A spread of colorful spices at a market. Rolling lavender fields and blooming cacti and bits of mosaic work.
Q: ...
Q: Not surprising. You remember that human peacock's wardrobe. He always had a skilled eye for color and composition.
R: Oh the last few months are a lot of really artful shots of this lovely blond woman.
Q: ...
Q: ...
Q is offline.
R: Q? Q are you still there..?
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An unassuming cheese-monger
It's truly amazing how much you can learn by listening and observing.
Thank you for agreeing to meet with me today Javone. Can I get you a cuppa? Why don't you look over the cheeses and pick two or three you would like to try. I'll make us a plate and we can go sit over in that quiet corner.
As I said earlier, my name is Harriet and Iâve been a cheese-monger in this shop for many years. Before you ask me your questions, let me give you some context for why I contacted your office.
I'm worried. Several of my regular customers have not been in the store in over a week. If it was just one or two of them, especially that particularly handsome one with the gorgeous suits, I wouldn't worry. We often don't see him for weeks at a time. But the others? I'm not sure I can convey to you how unusual their collective absence is, especially for this length of time.
How do you like the Port Salut? I'm glad to see you chose it because it's one of my favourites. Understated, but consistently delicious. Such a lovely texture too.
Now, while many different types of customers frequent our shop, we are known by busy professionals in the area. They count on us for a reliable source of high quality meats, cheeses, beverages, biscuits, and breads. You probably know that type of customer. Those executives who work long hours and rarely set time aside for regular meals, yet still want to eat and drink well while working. We show our gratitude for their steady patronage with delicious goods, prices, and hours which match their needs.
Even though we are not supposed to know many details beyond their name, a career retail employee like myself learns to pick up subtle clues about even casual customers.
Therefore Javone, I can reliably tell you several SIS senior staff frequently shop in our store. Partly it's due to our quality merchandise and, frankly, because we open at the crack of dawn and don't close until very late. It also helps we are an easy ten minute walk away from their home office through Vauxhall Pleasure Gardens. That's just the right amount of time to clear your head after a troublesome meeting, isn't it?
Excuse me young man, did I say something funny? Oh, is it that name? I know, it seems a bit silly, but no need to snicker. <clears throat> Now, back to our mutual concern. I believe I have information you want, is that correct?
Over the years both Mr Tanner and Ms Moneypenny have become particularly friendly. They're terribly kind, both of them and they work such long hours. It's been through helping them I've learned to separate out which cheeses Mr Mallory prefers from the ones he does not care for, the beverages that gentleman in the beautiful suits prefers, and which biscuits to keep in stock for the often distracted younger man with the ever changing hair styles and glasses. He's always so kind to me. I really like talking with him.
Which explains why when I didnât see any of them come through our doors this past week, I became concerned. They rarely all come in on a daily or even weekly basis, but not seeing any of them this past week felt downright odd. I knew immediately something horrible had happened.
Now Javone, what can you tell me? What do you know? And how can I help you?
#007 fest 2024#station pacific#introductory post#harriet the unassuming cheese-monger#mi6 cafe#if you're wondering where i got javoneâs name...#it's from javone prince who plays the sis staff in nttd who doesn't know who bond is when he arrives at the building to see mallory
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Trust But Verify
(For the whump table prompt 'betrayed' and the word count table free space (350). Happy 007 Fest!)
"The function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.â M closed the book, his voice heavy with regret.Â
Q clenched his glass. It was largely because of M that James Bond would never use his time again.Â
âTo James,â they toasted: Tanner, Nomi, Q, Moneypenny. M.Â
The alcohol burned down Qâs throat.  Â
Shortly after 007 had left a bottle of champagne in lieu of a vehicle, 002 had been captured in a remote part of Kazakhstan. Heâd had Smart Blood in his system; Q had steered backup to his location within six hours. âHeâs not here,â Nomi had reported.Â
âWhat are you talking about? Of course heâsââÂ
âThereâs a dialysis machine in the corner and an IV hooked up to a local.âÂ
Q had swallowed and stared at the resting heart rate on his screen: 58 beats per minute. A little high for Tom, heâd thought, but heâd dismissed it as related to an injury or sedative. Instead theyâd suborned Qâs connection to his agent and stolen him away.Â
Theyâd found Tomâs body two days later.Â
âThis is not your fault,â Mallory had told him afterward. âBut I think you can see why thereâs a new interest in DNA-locking your nanobots to their intended Smart Blood targets.âÂ
Nanobots and DNA. Q had done the research, made the connections, constructed the prototypes that Obruchev must have used as the foundations for Heracles. Heâd done it despite the prickling in the back of his mind that said, eugenics, that said, how much do we trust any government toâ
But heâd thought of Tom, and This is M, he wonâtâÂ
Only now James was gone, his days not wasted but stolen. Â
In the present, Mallory said, âRight, back to work,â exuding the weariness of a general. Â
Had Mallory only taken advantage of Tomâs death? Or had he orchestrated it, working towards Heracles even then?Â
M had lost his right to secrets. To privacy. To biosecurity.Â
If necessary⌠Well. The UI for Heracles ought to be familiar enough. Â
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Chapter 12 of Let Me Count the Ways is up on AO3!
In this chapter, Q realises he has to make a decision, and Bond ends up in a bit of a pickle.
Full summary below the cutâŚ
Let Me Count the Ways by luminiferocity Chapters: 12/20 Fandom: James Bond (Craig Movies) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: James Bond/Q Characters: James Bond, Q (James Bond), Eve Moneypenny, Bill Tanner, M | Gareth Mallory, Madeleine Swann, Mathilde (James Bond) Additional Tags: No Time to Die (2021) Fix-It, Canon-Typical Violence, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, and they were HOUSEMATES, James Bond's Tendency to Run, Q Backstory (James Bond), BAMF Q (James Bond), James Bond Is A Menace, Q is a Little Shit, Bond is Delighted, M | Gareth Mallory is So Done
Summary:
âI bet you canât name five things that make me an attractive option.â Q cocks his head, as if considering Bond. âWe canât all seduce our way to as long a trail of broken lovers as you. Even at your advanced age.â
Q thinks Bond is incapable of actually being offended, hence why he feels safe to throw aspersions his way. Indeed, Bondâs eyes register surprise, then they crinkle in amusement.
âI bet you I can name six.â
âHmm?â
âSix reasons why our dear Quartermaster is a catch. Number one, youâre incredibly charming.â
+
Or, what if Bond crashes Qâs date that night and never bloody leaves. A slow burn following NTTD and beyond, including Bond and Q discovering what they want in life and how to be the kind of people that can hold onto it.
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July 1st is Headcanon Day!
Itâs the first day of Fest, so letâs start with something simple: your headcanons! Once it hits midnight on July 1 in your timezone, tell us what you believe to be true, even when itâs not explicit in canon.Â
Do you need some prompts? Try answering one of these questions
What was Malloryâs worst vacation ever?
What is Q Branchâs go-to movie for movie nights after hard missions?
What was Qâs first day of university like?
What songs are on Moneypennyâs feel-good playlist?
What is Tannerâs favorite meal to cook for friends?
Tag any headcanon posts with #007 Fest for us to reblog!
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Mallory couldn't help the chuckle escape him. Bond as an accountant? Now that was something he wanted to see. The man needed the adrenaline rush as much as Mallory did; he needed to actually do something. Working as an accountant...no, he wouldn't have lasted a year.
"Please. Since when are you following strict protocols?" An eyebrow rose. "All those times you have gone behind my back...and dragged Moneypenny and Q into it - and even Tanner at times. That was hardly because you weren't able to reach me fast enough. Don't bullshit me, Bond."
"Something that keeps me alive, I suppose," Bond uttered after considering M's question for a long time. "If the Britannia Royal Naval College had rejected me back then, I reckon I would've studied to become an accountant." He stifled a chuckle and let out a pained sigh.
Bond nodded. "Of course, sir. I will do that as soon as I'm back on active duty. But... you ought to remain contactable. It's hard for me to reach you otherwise if we had to follow strict protocols of passing on the message to various colleagues at MI6 before the message gets through to you."
His stomach grumbled again as he cast a side glance at the bags on the bedside table. Quite frankly, he didn't know if he was able to eat anything, but it might be wise to get some sustenance if he were to be hospitalised for a while.
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I am back! ...with an installment in the cat!Bond 00Q AU no one asked for. It is set some time after this, although can just as easily be read on its own. It probably also warrants a mature rating, somehow... Anyway, without further ado, Bond is still stuck as a cat and he is not at all jealous.
~*~
The click of the front door followed by sounds of struggle had James sprinting to the hallway in a heartbeat. He might not have been what he once was but if Q was in danger- he would bite and claw; tear out a carotid artery with his teeth, die before he let Q come to harm.
Oh, he thought when he reached the front door. Â
A second man had indeed followed Q into the house.Â
He even had Q pinned against the wall but the most danger the Quartermaster seemed to be in was suffocation from how tightly the manâs mouth was attached to his own. He had short-cropped auburn hairâthe only thing had in common with Jamesâhe was tall, slender; wearing a skin tight shirt James would not be caught dead in.Â
One of his hands was pressing Qâs shoulder against the wall, the other desperately cupping Qâs cheek as they kissed. Q for his part looked just as desperate; his slender fingers dug into the manâs side and a moan escaped his throat as he shifted to get more pressure on his cock.
James hissed.
At this the man startled back, finally breaking the kiss.
Good. James would have smiled if he could.
âWhat do we have here then?â he said in an unpleasant Northern accent, frowning at James like a complete idiot. Yes, that name would do.
Q looked at James for the briefest of moments. His pupils were blown wide, nostrils flaring with each breath; his hair was a gorgeous, wild mess and his lips- they were slick with spit and even with the awful sepia filter that had settled over Jamesâ world, it took very little to imagine how red they might actually be.
âSeven,â he admonished and James remembered to exhale. Then he turned to Complete Idiot.
âHarry, this is my cat. Seven, this is Harry.â
âBit of a pervert, is he?â Complete Idiot said, âwatching us like that.â A lecherous grin spread across his ugly lips as he stepped into Qâs personal space again and Qâs arms closed around his neck.
James bristled at the insinuation and doubly so at Qâs conduct in the face of it. Fine, he thought. Get murdered next time. See if I care. Â
Well, Q could still get murdered this time for all they knew. As the head of Q-branch, he was a highly valuable target and he had helped run enough honeypot missions to know how they went. Judging by the clubbing outfits, it was doubtful heâd run any sort of background check on this unpleasant stranger he had just let into their home. The man Q was happily snogging now could stab him, bound him, torture him for information. He could poison him and kidnap him for ransom.
And what would happen to James then? He had a sense that Moneypenny would dress him in tiny frocks; Tannerâs kids would pick him up by his tail and spin him around because kids rivalled the worst criminals James had faced in how sadistic they could be. Mallory would drop him off at a kill shelter.
He had never noticed before how elegant Qâs wrists were, how lithe and graceful his muscles, his bicep as it flexed and relaxed under the sleeve of his polo shirt. Â
Q was not his typeâthat was what heâd told himself back when he had a say in such matters. Too scrawny. Unmarried. He would only get attached.
Like a four-limbed beast the two of them made their way towards the stairs, bodies hungry and searching. James considered following after themâjust in caseâbut decided against it.
Q had made his bed and now he could lie in it.
And besides, his feline ears could hear their moans from every corner of downstairs whether he wanted to or not.
*
This did not stop him however from lightly booby-trapping the house overnight and positioning himself before the closed bedroom door at 6am to demand breakfast. Even besieged in terrible pangs of hunger, he would normally never do that to Q on a Saturday, with as little sleep as Q got, butâŚhe supposed there were exceptions to every rule as he yowled with all he got.
Just as he thought, soon the door opened and Q stepped out, wearing nothing but boxer briefs. James had observed him in the shower before but nothing prepared him for the swathes of pale skin that greeted him now, his mess of a bedhead. He looked groggy as fuck but when he spoke his voice was tender in that intoxicating way he always, only, used with James. Well, with his cat. âYeah, I know,â he said, like he really did. Then he glanced over into the room where Harry or Henry or whatever his name was lay sprawled over Jamesâ side of the bed, the bastard.   Â
âIf you can wait ten more minutes for breakfast, itâs time he took his leave, donât you think?â he whispered conspiratorially. Yes, kick him out, James thought, affectionately headbutting Qâs shin to express his approval. Q gave him a wonderful smile at this, the kind that takes over your whole face like sunlight in the spring, suppressing a chuckle.
James watched quietly as Q woke the bastard and spun a tale about a work emergency that came upâthe IT system of the entire company was down, Q said when questioned as to what sort of work emergency arises at 6am on a Saturday. He felt rather pleased when the bastard stepped on a toy ball that had just happened to roll to the bottom of the stairs overnight and fell on his arse.
Soon, the idiot was on his merry way, never to return again, James had eaten his breakfast and he and Q had climbed back into bedâwhich now also had fresh sheets after a pointed suggestion from James had been implemented. Â
James curled up on his pillow and Q turned to face him, cheek squished against his own and face washed in the halo of the morning light that found its way in around the corners of the curtains.
âHe was a decent shag,â Q said quietly, reaching out a hand to stroke Jamesâ fur, ignoring Jamesâ glower. He could be lying dead in a ditch right now. âWell, up until he was coming and he said ���I love you.ââ Ugh. Sharing the sentiment, Q scrunched his face but it only lasted a moment before it was replaced by another smile. âYou are the only man I need in my life, huh, Seven?â
Back when he had a say in such matters, James had thought that a Quartermaster who fancied him, with whom he could flirt just enough to keep the flame alive, was the most powerful weapon he could have in his arsenal. He doubted he would have been so callous, so thoughtless, had he known about the way Qâs eyes crinkled when he smiledâwhen he really smiledâabout his voice when it was just the two of them in the world. Â
How breathtaking he looked lying next to him in mornings like this.
#00q#james bond#my fic#cat!bond AU#Jay gives you a perfect cathartic ficlet in the face of a 4-0 man u.td defeat#and i cope with writing bond as an inappropriate house cat LMAO#there is a heat wave and I have a cold though on top of that footie fiasco#so be easy on my melted brain xD
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HR Complaints Against MI6 Staff Headcanons
The repeated complaints lodged in Qâs personnel file from various members of Q Branch all share a similar theme: harassment outside of work hours. While no malicious intentions have been ascribed to the quartermaster, his lack of respect for his staffâs work-life balance has resulted in Q texting and emailing his team hours after their shift endsâsometimes even in the middle of the night. HR has given the quartermaster a stern admonishment that he is not to contact his subordinates off-duty unless it is an emergency worthy of contacting Mallory first. In the year since this edict, the incidences of after-hours contact have dropped precipitously.
Gareth Mallory is always in a hurry, and finding parking in London has worse odds than roulette. In his first year as director of MI6, Mallory's corporate car was repeatedly ticketed, clamped, and even towed, for double-parking around London. The resulting expenses forced the head of Accounting to make an official note in Malloryâs personnel file: the director of MI6 must no longer have access to a corporate carâŚunless it also comes with a driver from the motor pool.Â
James Bondâs file includes an official HR reprimand for flirting with a female visitor to the executive floor. A visitor who turned out to be the operations managerâs wife. Hehâem. While the lady was far from displeased with the attentions, the manager was very cross indeed, and he lodged a strongly worded complaint with HR about Bondâs harassment of women within the building. Bond felt awkward enough about the misunderstanding to cancel the date heâd made with the man's wife. Knowingly cuckolding someone who coordinates all of his real-time mission support seemed...unwise.Â
Only last month, Alec Trevelyan got written up for flashing. His explanation for the event is that heâd been sparring with BondâŚand then showering with BondâŚandâas implied by the eyebrow waggleâhaving sex with Bond. And by the time heâd shaved and left the shower, his clothing was missing, along with every towel in the locker room. Even though Alec was ostensibly the victim of a prank, it was deemed unacceptable for him to walk naked through the halls of MI6, loudly demanding the return of his clothing, and showing his bits and bobs to all of the employees on the lower two floors of SIS.
When Bill Tanner was first brought on as Mâs secretary, another member of staff accused him of repeatedly stealing her lunch from the fridge. Tanner was instructed by HR to stop the uncivil behavior forthwith. He tried explaining to the employee that he wasnât the food thief, but the woman wouldnât believe him. So Tanner took matters into his own hands and, on a day he knew she would be out on leave, he put his own meal in the refrigerator, laced with laxatives. The resulting mess proved the culprit to be the womanâs cubicle mate. Tanner warned the culprit to stop the food thefts or Tanner would expose them to HR, to their victim, and to M. The culprit transferred to a different branch on a separate floor after a few weeks. The complaint in Tannerâs HR file was never expunged, but he feels satisfied with his own self-vindication.
Eve Moneypennyâs first few weeks transitioning from the field to the executive floor as Mâs secretary wereâŚrocky. Sheâd spent the preceding five years on active field duty for various military and SIS divisions. Receiving passive aggressive response emails from the deputy directorâs secretary Bethanyâor more frequently, having her emails ignored by Bethanyâgot under her collar a bit. Moneypenny may have caught up to Bethany in the parking garage one evening and given her a piece of her mind. But itâs not like Moneypenny pulled a weapon or laid a hand on the woman! (She made sure all of her threats were only implied!) After the complaint, assignments were realigned so Moneypenny no longer works directly with Bethany; that dubious pleasure falls to Tanner. Despite the black mark in her personnel file, Moneypenny has to think things worked out in her favor.Â
Doctor Hall has over two dozen complaints against him in his personnel file, all from disgruntled double-0 agents immediately following their mandatory psychiatric interviews. Field agents donât like being asked prying questionsâno one does!âbut Doctor Hall has a diagnostic protocol to follow; it isnât his fault that theyâre already so stressed when they report for their appointments! He fretted over the complaints for a month, until M dismissed them as irrelevant bellyaching. He now considers the complaints an indicator of the agents' psychological stability that theyâre threatening him with professional repercussions instead of the guns and knives he knows theyâre illegally concealing under their tailored suits and dresses.Â
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Two slow dancer.
(apparently i did it again: you can find it on ao3)
Q's file says he was 21 when MI6 recruited him, just out of uni and with more experience than most of his colleagues. When M signs the papers she knows she brought the greatest asset MI6 could find but he'll be an equal pain in the ass. The file she signs after is the one that gives James Bond the status of 007. Thanks God she already has a glass of scotch on her desk.
(Q is 21 and goes with Adam for now, he adopted a cat the day he started his new job and his desk is big enough for a computer and a phone. He doesn't know what or where Q-Branch is and, most importantly, he doesn't who 007 is.)
The second time M opens Q's file is seven years later, he isn't yet 28 and, from now on he's going to be Q, no other name or surname. Silva just broke their farewell and not even six months ago she lost 007. This time a single glass of scotch wouldn't be enough.
(Adam, now Q, discovered Q-Branch by chance a little over two years before his promotion. He discovered 007 too, much in the same way, even if not inside MI6. He has two cats now, an apartment that his and only his and a desk so big he can work on three projects at the same same and still has space to do other things. Sleep is an opinion every other day of the week buy he's totally okay with it.)
The third time isn't M who opens it but Moneypenny, MI6 is still trying to find a new building, Tanner is still looking at the door waiting for M to come back and Mallory is trying to fit in his new role so hard it's almost painful to watch. Q is 31 and Moneypenny can't find a single page where his name is written, at all, but his marital status declares MARRIED in bold black letters. The section of to says [REDACTED] and Eve knows she isn't going to find a single mention of whom Q's married to, not even if she start digging in every file of MI6. She takes a sip of her coffee with an hint of alcohol and opens another files.
(Q, now Adam at home and on a paper no one at MI6 knows it exist, is almost 32 and hates to have to change building and hates the world in general on bad days, because the bed is cold and the Double-Ohs are counting how many of them are really left behind, and on good ones his husband, of three years, wakes him up with kisses and hot cups of tea. Their cats tend to ignore them at least until midday and, once in a while, Q takes a real vacation. Nothing longer than a week but he leaves all his tech behind and boards on a car or a boat as far away as they can.)
The last time, before he retires, someone opens his file Q is 39 and 007 is officially retired, now working as consultant and teacher for the new recruites of the Double-Ohs program. M opens it, a cup of strong Russian Earl Grey tea between his hands, Moneypenny is at her desk chatting away with Tanner on the new diplomatic mission that will take them in China and Q is on lunch break, or so R has wrote him a couple of minutes ago, and finally he can go over all the files he has to inspect from time to time. Q's name is still absent, his date and place of birth are still the same, the new home adress was changed correctly and, on the voice marital status the MARRIED is still written in bold black letters but, this time, after the to [REDACTED] isn't what he finds. There's a Commander James Bond, with a copy of a certificates dated back to a couple of months after his new position was announced and M is a second away to call Q and Commander Bond back in to MI6, but he doesn't. There's a photo attached to the paper, Q is laughing and Bond is wearing his uniform, smirking in a way he never saw before. He calls someone, in the end, and that someone is Moneypenny and asks her a bottle of the vodka 006 took back two mission before because he needs something really strong. Fucking spies and their fucking secrets with secrets in them.
(Q is two weeks away from is fortieth birthday and James as already planned more than they could ever see it thru but there's a small thing, something so small to be occupy only a velvet box that will be handed over even in case of nuclear attack. It's black and golden, a string of code engraved on the inside, and it promises something James never thought to be able to promise.
They have been married for eleven years now but when Q enters Q-Branch with the ring on he feels like begin twenty-eight again and searching for every blank spot in the building to kiss his husband. Q barley notice how everyone is staring at him or the cake Tanner left on his desk.)
prompt: 3 times someone opens Q's file to add/make modifications+1 when the files is opened and the modifications where already made.
#Q#james bond#00Q#secret relationship#secret marriage#until it's a secret no more#q's files as timeline#female M#male M#eve moneypenny#bill tanner#006 (mentioned)#R (mentioned)#Q-branch (mentioned)#fluff#eleven years of marriage and this two idiots are still in the honeymoon fase god help them all#grammar errors are mine as always lol#fic? not fic? who knows anymore#otp: a bloody big ship
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Ohh, this is such a good question.
Bond: He definitely wanted to be a pirate. He LOVED pretending he was a pirate explorer and going out onto streams and waterways and lochs in a little boat. He loved designing pirate flags and secret codes, and he loved finding (and hoarding) strange things he'd found as 'his pirate treasure'. Loved pretending he was fighting enemy pirates, and loved digging for 'buried treasure'. Came to grief, once or twice, after he did his digging in his mother's vegetable garden or some plants freshly installed by Kincade. Alas. Anyway, after his pirate-phase was over (assuming it ever ended) he basically had zero career goals. Wound up joining the Navy almost on a whim, because he didn't know what else to do with himself.
Q: I feel like Q didn't settle into wanting to be an engineer until he was at least 10-12. I think, before that point, he found EVERYTHING so interesting that he couldn't make up his mind what he wanted to focus on. He was an avid reader and basically worked his way through the entire library as a child. So every day of his life, he was discovering some new, fascinating, and previously-unexplored-by-him subject. His dreams and professional goals changed by the hour. Then he got really passionate about computers and soldering things and taking apart car engines, and he just ran with it.
Moneypenny: She totally wanted to be an astronaut until she was like 12-13, and even did some 'astrocamp' type stuff to learn about that career field and train for it physically. Then she had a phase where she wanted to be a photojournalist and travel the world, documenting regime changes and photographing harrowing things. During her uni years, she was undecided about a career path, but she was good with languages, interpersonal skills, and many forms of physical activity (including martial arts). I like to think that she actually didn't intend to wind up at MI6, but fell onto their radar somehow and got offered a job/internship. Then she just wound up climbing the ranks and exploring a career as a field agent.
Tanner: As a kid/young teen, I feel like he wanted to be something pretty run-of-the-mill, like a teacher. Later, he distinguished himself as a sort of jack-of-all-trades who had a pretty versatile skillset and excellent organizational skills. I think, at this point, he had settled into some type of career in the military (in some kind of logistics and support position) and he got on MI6's radar that way. Once he was working for the SIS, he was just so competent and so well-rounded in his skills that it wasn't long before he ended up in his current role. Not what he planned by any means, but he's very satisfied with his job.
Mallory: ...Honestly, I think he wanted to be a football player as a boy, a soldier as a young teenager, and then a politician as an adult. I do think he's one of those weird people who actually WANTED a job in politics. Take that as you will.
I wanna do some more Bondverse/MI6 headcanons posts, but I am not sure what to write about...hm. If anyone has prompt/suggestions/requests, please let me know!!
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My MI6 Sexuality Headcanons
James Bond - Bi but usually sleeps with women. This leads with most people assuming him to be a womanising straight man, but he enjoys watching people when they find out they're wrong
Q - Openly gay, for many many reasons (go watch No Time to Die).
Moneypenny - Bi, and likes to annoy Bond by stealing girls from right under his nose.
Tanner - Asexual and absolutely done with everyone's shit.
Nomi - Absolute bad ass Lesbian. Is having an affair with Moneypenny.
M (Mallory) - Gay and extremely repressed. Has just about admitted it to himself but will ground any smart arse agent (looking at you, Bond) who even dares hint at it.
M (Mansfield) - Straight, but knows what her band of misfits are up to. Doesn't give a toss either way.
#No Time to Die#James Bond#Q#M#Gareth Mallory#Eve Moneypenny#Bill Tanner#007#Olivia Mansfield#Headcanons#Craig!Bond
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Just a Scratch - Pt One
Gareth Mallory x F!Reader
Warmings: Gunfire, Violence, Swearing, Angst
Summary: Â M was not at all sure putting 006 and 007 together was a good idea but right now whatever Bond was up to M needed to know about it and make sure that he didnât start world war three.
Note: Â This is the first time I have written for M, hope I have gotten it right and you enjoy. Â Any helpful comments welcome.
M took his glasses off and dropping them on his paperwork, pinched the bridge of his nose. Â When he had taken this job, he had severely underestimated how much of his time would be spent clearing up after Bond. Â Whatever he was up to he had not read him in and seemed to have no intention of doing so, the only thing stopping him getting rid of Bond was his predecessors unerring trust and faith in the man. Â He knew of his reputation, and he also knew how many times he had, for want of a better phrase, saved the world. Â But right now, he was playing a dangerous game and M was not going to let him damage the reputation of the agency.
As he heard a sharp knock on his door, he lifted his head and straightened his back,
âEnterâ
âSir you wanted to see meâ
âYes, 006 I have a new assignment for youâ
âAn assignment direct from yourself, must be importantâ
â007 is out there on his own and I want him to have some back-upâ
âWhat makes you think he either wants or needs back up?â
âMaybe he doesnât know what he needs right nowâ
âYou know James likes to work on his own and what is he even working on right now?â
âThat is what I want you find out and then I want you to stop him doing anything unbelievably stupidâ
âAnd what makes you think that I can stop himâ
âWell, if you canât, no one canâ
âUnderstoodâ
âAnd 6 you report only to me on this, no one else. Â Use Q, Tanner and Moneypenny if you need but no one elseâ
âSir, is there anything else I need to know about what is happening here?â
âIf there is I will tell youâ
âSir with due respect I would like  to know at least something about what Iâm walking intoâ
âDo you trust me 6?â
âStill making my mind up on that oneâ
He shook his head as he watched her walk out of his office, god help putting her and Bond together but right now he couldnât see he had any other option. Â He knew you both worked well together, if he was honest with himself, he was jealous of how close you were, he had seen the way you both looked at each other, the way you were together. Â He knew the amazing things that you could pull off when working together but he also knew that when two forces of nature came together the results could also mean mayhem and destruction.
As you stretched back on the leather sofa you took another sip from the glass of whisky in your hand. Â If nothing else he had damn good taste in whisky,
âYou could have called, even knocked on the doorâ
âNow where would be the dramatic impact in that?â
âLet me guess you have been sent by M to keep me out of trouble, which I find ironic considering the trouble you have caused over the yearsâ
âMaybe but I have always been safe in the knowledge of what ever carnage I reeked you would always mange so much worse and take the heat off meâ
âJust go back to M and tell him I donât need any helpâ
âReally, I imagine whatever you are up to is something she left for you. Your not the only one hurting over her death, let me helpâ
âThis is not authorised, you are better off staying out of itâ
âSince when you get to be the only one with a moral compass, plus someone needs to make sure you donât start world war threeâ
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Chapter 11 of Let Me Count the Ways is up on AO3!
In this chapter, the year ends with the Q Ball â and an offer.
Full summary below the cutâŚ
Let Me Count the Ways by luminiferocity Chapters: 11/20 Fandom: James Bond (Craig Movies) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: James Bond/Q Characters: James Bond, Q (James Bond), Eve Moneypenny, Bill Tanner, M | Gareth Mallory, Madeleine Swann, Mathilde (James Bond) Additional Tags: No Time to Die (2021) Fix-It, Canon-Typical Violence, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, and they were HOUSEMATES, James Bond's Tendency to Run, Q Backstory (James Bond), BAMF Q (James Bond), James Bond Is A Menace, Q is a Little Shit, Bond is Delighted, M | Gareth Mallory is So Done
Summary:
âI bet you canât name five things that make me an attractive option.â Q cocks his head, as if considering Bond. âWe canât all seduce our way to as long a trail of broken lovers as you. Even at your advanced age.â
Q thinks Bond is incapable of actually being offended, hence why he feels safe to throw aspersions his way. Indeed, Bondâs eyes register surprise, then they crinkle in amusement.
âI bet you I can name six.â
âHmm?â
âSix reasons why our dear Quartermaster is a catch. Number one, youâre incredibly charming.â
+
Or, what if Bond crashes Qâs date that night and never bloody leaves. A slow burn following NTTD and beyond, including Bond and Q discovering what they want in life and how to be the kind of people that can hold onto it.
#I need to catch up on comments but wanted to get this posted because#omg it's happeniiiing#james bond#quartermaster#00q#let me count the ways#my stuff#fanfic
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"..w..w..hat h..a...pp.ened..?" Bond murmured, sensing the anger that boiled up inside Phil.
"We are unable to connect your call at this time. Please try again later." The automated voice came after two minutes of the attempt to connect Phil with Mallory. It would make sense â since M doesn't usually pick up his phone regardless if there is an emergency.
M was trying to resolve the security breach with his Quartermaster, Moneypenny and Tanner in Q Branch â he had unintentionally left his phone in his office so he wasn't able to come to the phone.
"...s...p..eak... to.. me.. l..ove... d..id... I... do... somet...hing... wrong...?" Bond continued with even more difficulty, choking back his tears.
đ
Phil's a little caught off guard. He'd woken up the moment the door opened of course, lifting his head and blinking a few times then the bed shifts. He doesn't say anything, just let James settle into the bed before shifting and settling back down himself.
If James doesn't say anything, he'll just assume the other man doesn't want to be alone. And yeah, Phil gets that, and honestly doesn't mind. It's nice, actually.
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Long Fic Readalong!
What: Weâre going to celebrate longer fanfics by dedicating a few weekends to reading them. This means weâll read one or two chapters each readalong session.
When: Every Saturday at 9pm eastern/6pm Pacific (your local time here)
Where: Weâll be reading on discord in the readalongs channel. (Invite to discord here, or message @spiritofcamelot)
Okay cool, but what fic? We are reading âImportant Datesâ by Ato_the_Bean. You can join us without any familiarity of the story and just ask for a recap on what you missed, or you can catch up by reading up to Chapter 11.
Please join us to read, to just hang out and listen, and to generally enjoy a good story together!
Chapters:  19/19 Fandom:  James Bond (Craig Movies) Rating:  Explicit Warnings:  No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships:  James Bond & Q, James Bond/Q Characters:  James Bond, Q (James Bond), Q Branch Character(s), Eve Moneypenny, Bill  Tanner, M | Gareth Mallory, Original Male Character(s), Original Female  Character(s), Original Non-Binary Character
Additional Tags:  Halloween, Holidays, Post-SPECTRE, won't be easy tho, Costumes,  Community: MI6 Cafe | mi6_cafe, Slow Burn, Thanksgiving, so much food,  Felix is originally from New Orleans, for culinary reasons, Christmas  Eve, Q volunteers, Ugly Holiday Sweaters, New Year's Eve, burns night,  bagpipes, haggis, Valentine's Day, Fake Dating, Paris (City), Boston,  St. Patrick's Day, Green Beer is terrible, April Fools' Day, Pranks,  Boffins will be boffins, Whump, may day, Hate Crimes, Towel Day, nerds  being nerds, Q is a fanboy, Charlie is side-eying this whole situation,  ALL THE FANDOMS, Cosplay, Original Character(s), World Tapas Day, (yes  it's really a thing), meeting the coworkers, Pride, Mission Fic,  Birthday, Presents, Jealousy, National Ice Cream Day, also talking, much  talking, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Road Trips, More  talking, UST, International Day of Peace, Missions, Q is so very very  tired, First Date, james cooks, life is too short for bad wine, Paris  (again), Sex (finally), Halloween (again), Plans
Summary: After a brief attempt at retirement, James is back at MI6 and  working hard to rebuild working relationships with his colleagues and  friends. And he's making great strides.
Only Q continues to hold  him at arm's length, maintaining a stubborn professionalism in their  interactions that James remains unable to pierce.
But James  doesn't want Q at arm's length, and so he takes a risk. But even a spy's  instincts can run amok, and now James wonders just how long he'll be  reaping what he's sown, and how many holidays it will take to win Q  over.
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