#even I cant ruin it now
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Focusing on the upside
I have been finding that recording vocals aggravates my fibro AND migraines, which tends to lead to me waking up in the night. As wild as it may seem recording vocals well can take hours for a single song, it would be quicker to do a whole live performance! Maybe other people have faster recording sessions but I get pretty obsessed with approaching it from a lot of angles. Anyhow, my point is that this sucks... but I have decided that I am going to make lemonade out of this bastard lemon. Therefore I have decided to stream on twitch during those sleepless nights. If you like totally commentary free gameplay maybe check it out, or don't it's all good. The important thing is that I get to feel like I'm doing something productive during a difficult time, and that's not nothing.
follow https://www.twitch.tv/twitchditchadder to watch me dogfight poorly in Elite Dangerous VR, or just to show support for my attempts to rejoin the productive universe, bit by bit. and as ever our first single "Sex Manticore" is avalible for you to listen to here https://open.spotify.com/track/2Wbq5ln3IHomklnwFT9uKs?si=ed1a24acfbc94128 or here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SU0a5uYbj4&pp=ygULZGl0Y2ggYWRkZXI%3D
#ditch adder band#fibromyalgia#migraine#mythical creatures#anthromorphic#manticore#sex manticore#streaming#twitch#can't sleep#sleepless#im exhausted#self improvement#new song incoming#i promise#its already done#just needs to be tweaked#even I cant ruin it now#well maybe#we'll see
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thinking about essek thelyss "my entire life goal is and has always been the search for knowledge, the uncovery of mysteries, and I'll do it before everyone one way or another, no matter what I have to do, no matter the cost, but meeting you turned my life around in such a way that I would turn away the opportunity to uncover the greatest time mystery of all that's right in front of me and fix every mistake I made, just by the mere possibility that changing any of the choices I made would take you from me, nothing would make me give away any of the moments I had and will have with you.... unless it's for you, then I would do it in a heart beat" and going just a little bit more insane
#do you understand the grip this wizard has on me#I'm spining their final scene in my mind for 3 days now#I cant get over 'but I'm here today in this moment with you because of these mistakes and as much as they hurt me I wouldn't change a thing'#and the next MINUTE he's like 'will you do it? I'll help you'#JUST#WHO EVEN SAYS THAT#THAT'S ABSOLUTELY INSANE THING TO JUST SAY LIKE#INSANE LEVELS OF COMPLETE DEVOTION AND LOVE AND DEDICATION AND JUST#WHO TF DOES THATTTTTTT#ESSEK THELYSS YOU INSANE MF *SHAKES HIM*#god this fixin wizard ruined my life#shadowgast#cr2#essek thelyss#caleb widogast#mighty nein#m9#sorry just rereading a fic that made me spiral a bit here
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(scrapped painting)
its kinda fascinating how you can draw something well and instead of learning from it for the next drawing you repeat the same old mistakes that kept you from improving in the first place
(was supposed to the next scene after the previous good painting lol)
its a rly early sketch (i know it wont work out though, too much wrong) but Zaphira (standing) was winning the fight against the guy that challenged her (he also cheated and attacked her weak leg with a dagger despite it being a fist fight) so he ordered the soldiers he hid in the audience to shoot, Shargon is catching the arrows in the air before they can reach her and she trusts him enough to not even react to it
#ganondoodles#art#i guess#man .....#the scene itself is rly cool but i dont think it comes across here lol#im not even angry anymore#im just sad that i wasted almost 3 hours on this .... i redid the sketch alot too#even though i should KNOW i cant paint something if i got a sketch for it#i didnt do a sketch for the last one and it worked!!#and now im up an hours too long too#it feels embarassing to post even#i probably shouldnt even have saved it#its way more difficult too#i should just leave it be and move on bc im clearly not ready to draw it yet#its just hard to ignore that ... idk .. eagerness to please? as in ppl were interested in the previous one#so i wanted to show more of that scene#but i might have just ruined the mystery or something#anyway my blinking is like seconds long i need sleep
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taco and mephone have fascinating parallels more people could explore if taco haters weren't biased cowards
#meeple.txt#inanimate insanity#ii taco#ii mephone4#dare i maintag this. watever#like taco haters r obsessed with the idea that taco is ruining herself worse and dragging everyone down with her#when shes literally just doing the challenge mephone created and even changes her intentions on hosting the challenge partway through#bc shes REALIZING how badly everyones been affected by the show just as she was#and she uses the attention she now has and urges them to leave and escape because she doesnt want anyone to end up like her#she believes shes past saving Yes#but thats exactly why shes trying to help the others avoid getting to the extent shes gone#meanwhile even when getting his wrongdoings slapped in his face mephone doubles down bc thats all he knows#thats all he feels safe with. he cant let himself trust and be vulnerable and its ruining his life and all his relationships along with him#it says SO MUCH about both mephones and tacos arcs that MEPAD. the one whos been inseparable to mephone from the Start#is seeing more hope of improvement in TACO than mephone#taco the infamous villain to everyone since s1. since before mepad was ever conscious#if anything mephone is the one ruining himself in denial and hurting others in the process#and im not saying that to vilify mephone either !!!! before you 0 nuance bitches come in#if it wasnt obvious from my entire page i LOVE mephone and i LOVE where theyre taking his character. make that man Worse ❤️#but i feel like so many ppl are just projecting mephones arc onto taco bc they dont wanna admit mephone has Issues
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i HATE the term shadow daddy. If a character is referred to as “shadow daddy” by someone you know its gonna be the most uninteresting, bland and probably shitty male character to ever exist. Bro does the bare minimum and everyone falls to their feet. Shadow daddy isnt a compliment its a warning to everyone else
#anti rhysand#i fucking HATE the term shadow daddy#i want it GONE#Some of yall cant keep your freaky off the general internet and now the word daddy is ruined for me#Rhysand isnt your shadow daddy hes a 500 year old man who actually is a horrible character#ladies please pick yourself up i promise you there are better male characters than rhysand he is not the pinnacle of book boyfriend#i have never seen a character do so little yet people act like hes the messiah smh#im feeling like a hater even more than usual cause ive been sleeping shitty#FUCK HOTEL BEDS
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arcane season 2 act 2. how are we all doing??
#i have been SOBBING for about 30 minutes straight thanks for asking#before watching the 6th ep i was like 'cant believe how viscerally i react to arcane!' I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA#WHAT KIND OF HORRORS I HAD COMING. I WAS A FOOL#FOR EVER THINKING THAT WAS THE MOST I WOULD FEEL#posting this live btw i cant help myself i need to cope and seethe (except instead of seething im weeping like Big Baby)#back to sporadically queueing everything very soon#almost-spoiler in next 2 tags ->#I NEE DJAYCE TO FUCKING ROT IN HELL IM NOT EVEN KIDDING. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD OHJ MY GOD#HE LITERALLY RUINED EVERYTHING. *EVERYTHING.* IDC WHAT SHIT HE SAW THAT MADE HIM ACT THIS WAY I NEED HIS ASS GONE RIGHT NOW#shut up crisa#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane season 2 act 2#arcane 2#arcane league of legends#arcane s2#arcane season two#act 2
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"a dude in Texas legally changed his name to "Literally Anyone Else" and he's attempting to run for President against Biden & Trump" [source]
okay, but putting aside the comedic aspect of this, it is concerning the amount of people who are prompted to vote for candidates just because it's funny. I'm not the biggest fan of how his policy about the boarder sounds [Site], but I do implore anyone who is able to vote in the 2024 US election to please research other candidates.
The media is only going to continue pushing the idea it's inevitably going to be Trump vs Biden 2.0 and we have no other options, that we have to vote for Biden again because of Project 2025. Is that whole thing terrifying?
Yeah, fucking absolutely.
But voting for Biden will not solidify our safety from that. Biden is exactly like the rest of them. He always has been. You can't make the lesser of two evils argument when they're both just plain evil.
You cannot say that Biden is even mildly a better choice than Trump when he is currently directly involved in a genocide. That is not some little fucking thing. That in and of itself disqualifies him as a lesser evil. Biden is just as bad as him and he will not save us because he doesn't fucking care.
Cornel West [Site] is an Independent candidate running for President in the 2024 Election. [Policies]
Claudia De la Cruz and Karina Garcia [Site] are running for President and Vice-President as the candidates of the Party for Socialism and Liberation in the 2024 Election. [Policies]
There are options.
There are people trying to change the corrupt foundation our system is built on, but we have to help amplify them because the mainstream media will not.
#have you looked at what's happening in New York & the subways#There's so many reported shootings and deaths and it just seems to be getting worse.#I just looked up subway shooting ny because I wanted to check before saying something#There's reports from like 3 hours ago about someone getting pushed in front of one of the moving subways & there's so many others#or how about the like thousands of police officers that they've got stationed at subways in ny literally doing fuck all#or how everyone's going through a housing crisis and cant afford rent and cant get medical care because it can cost#$4000 to get a fucking ambulance and that's cheap. That's a ride to the hospital less than 20 minutes away probably.#or the rise in hate crimes and bigotry and all the shit they're now trying to censor with the kosa bill#or how terrifying places like Florida have became for anyone thats not seen as an equel by people who dont view most others as equels.#or how they're pouring billions into wars while we're in the midsts of a homeless crisis#suicide rates are at record levels in the us and it's only going to get worse. theyre pulling telehealth which will take away#life saving medical care for people who dont have the ability to go in person. people's ability to get therapy and meds being taken away#Is going to kill people. or how the Biden administration has fucked up their Covid response so goddamn badly#people are referring to the pandemic in past tense and have lost understanding for others who they'd have understood before#they've lied and they've concealed and its killing millions of people and disabling even more. but they will not take accountability.#long covid is ruining people's lives and they've successfully led the narrative that its not real or not that serious.#they will sit there and they will lie. they will say they've protected women's rights and that its a top priority.#they'll say that healthcare is a top priority but have suggested that they'd veto a healthcare for all bill because of its price tag#but will spend billions and billions and billions on a genocide that the majority is against. the system isn't going to begin collapsing#it already is.#its crumbled and we must demolish the corrupt remains and rebuild a better government that gives a shit about people#ALL people.#they use basic human rights as bargaining chips.#the Democrats and Republicans on a Venn diagram is a circle. wake up.
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Sami and Jey at it again with the tags at WWELive Dublin (feat. a very relatable Kevin and some unexpected homophobia from Elton Prince of all people)
#jey uso#sami zayn#samijey#wwe#wweedit#kevin owens#stuff i made#PLEASE WHAT ARE THEY DOING#YALL HAVEN'T EVEN TECHNICALLY MADE PEACE ONSCREEN YET#why is jey acting like he's savoring the moment#you stop that bs right now sir#i cant believe pretty deadly ruined it#they really said no one is allowed to out-gay us huh#also lmfao at karl not giving a shit about any of what's happening meanwhile doc is intrigued
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the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)
but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.
the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore
#talkys#my dad scaring me but also giving me no advice on what to do instead only saying if i do this it will be the wrong choice leading#to more wrong choices well yep you got me i am scared. i am inept. i fear regret and punishment for wrong decisions.#i struggle to make decisions because i cant go back on them.#''ill never have savings again'' and ''you cant value friends over family they'll abandon you''#and ''living here is only a problem for you because you dont communicate. there is a way to work things out''#i wish i could work it out and stay i dont know why i cant work it out ! and what do i want#to leave so badly for... to continue to never have stable housing#never have savings again? be alone and in danger?#to be able to wear whatever i want and...buy things? really? that doesnt seem very worth it#nothing seems very worth it#im miserable here but maybe i'd be more miserable away...it is true#well at least the chances to leave are very slim. and will continue to get slimmer the more time passes.#but maybe its fine i dont want to ruin my life or be even more of a burden or reason for distress in someone else's#moving out wouldnt fix anything. wherever you go there you are.#my friend said i have to be a little selfish (positive) to push myself to leave. bt i dont want to be selfish. im ashamed of that as a trai#delete later#even now i feel immense guilt and stress when my dad does things that hurt or bother me bc i know ill miss him when he's gone.#(and ill have nobody after all of that. due to the being kept in a cage)#that sucks. why does everyone else always win. why am i always the weakest pliable one. i wish i had no emotions#my surgery is the only decision in my life ive been 100% sure on for years#and even then my parent's words had me crying and rapidly changing emotions daily until the day came#im not strong enough or sure enough about anything else to withstand More of that#<- and i know that tomorrow im gonna be like actually you know what who cares lets try to leave#and the next day ill be resigned to staying here forever#and the next day ill be like actually you know what who cares l
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gege did megumi so dirty by making him have like only 3 fights and all those 3 opponents being on the relatively weak side compared to the rest of the cast and not actually making him fight and win against anyone plot-significant. It truly is his biggest flaw in how underutilized his deutrogonist is and that's one of the many reasons why 251 didn't translate well for almost everyone.
#everyday i wake up and realize my biggest enemy is gege#he did him so dirty and not even in a “he keeps giving him trauma!” way but in a “he barely gives him anything” way#and in fact does keep fumbling aspects bout him#tsumiki. i will never forgive gege for that#actually those whole bath chapters sucked#majorly. i did not enjoy any minute of it and it actively made it worse for his character#like yeah just add psuedo-incest thats not gonna ruin the vibe of trying to sink a guy's soul into despair....#maybe thats how it was supposed to be. that the situation is so bizarre you cant help but feel bad for him but like#it did a terrible job of communicating that and the execution just falls flat#anywho#thats enough complaining for now
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i hate doing laundry ough it's The Worst
#not only does leaning down to move my stuff hurt my back#but i have to touch dirty clothes and go into the dirty room and touch the dirty machines and i have to wear 2 pairs of socks (so my#normal socks dont touch the contaminated floor) and when i lean over the washing machine my clothes touch it <-the worst part of it all#tbh. now my current clothes are dirty but i have nothing to change into and i will have to wear them all day and it makes me SICK#and i cannot talk abt how dirty the garage (where the laundry machines are) it makes me nauseous that place kills me if i never#had to go into it ever again i would and i have to carry a laundry basket (dirty) and it touches my clothes when i carry it (disgusting)#and now my clothes are even more dirty and i feel like i cant touch any of my things bc i dont want to infect them but i cant just do#nothing all day when i have to do laundry but it makes me so SICK i need smth to cover all of my clothes but everything i've tried misses#some part and my clothes are ruined and it makes me SICK how am i supposed to do school or draw or anything when it's so bad#i have everything scheduled so i can take a shower and go straight to bed after i'm done but still it's so bad and it stresses me tf out#and i have to do laundry every 3 days because i only have 3 towels to use after showering and even if i did have more towels#i still would have to do laundry as often bc i couldnt handle doing multiple loads or having bigger loads my back couldnt handle that#w the system i have set up now it's just bad it;s all bad i hate doing laundry#i dream of one day where i can do laundry in a better way i think it'd involve not having the washer and dryer down steps bc that's#dangerous for one and for two not having them in a garage bc garages stress me out and three to have smth to cover all of my clothes#and 4 to have machines that dont need me to bend down idk if they have ones like that but it hurts#anyway that's it for listening to dux complain abt smth that ultimately doesnt matter and is only a problem bc their brain#chemistry is off#k bye i have to go do laundry *explodes* and take an exam *explodes* it;s an essay exam *explodes* and then im going#to like sit around feeling sick thumbs up emoji
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Hey, do you remember that really homoerotic scene from Skyfall? No? That's okay, here's a Vettonso version of it :)
- explanation & w/o text:
Hi hello, finally my weird psychosexual relationship with Casino Royale has come to fruition. Yeah this is directly based off a scene from Skyfall, but I def envision the vibe as being more like Casino Royale hehe. I can't believe I made that inspo board for this AU almost 4 weeks ago, and then ended up drawing a four panel "comic" about it. Ahhhh proud of myself, a bit, a tad. I think this took 20+ hours across the span of a week? God. Anyways I digress! The AU!!
First of all, their Bond song would be "My Way of Life" by Frank Sinatra. It's so toxic, codependent and obsessive, I'm in love with it. And it really suits Fernando and his motivations and outlook in this AU. Basically, MI6(in the context of James Bond) in this AU is an analog for Ferrari. It picks theses guys up, tells them that they're Ferrari MI6's most special boy, chews them up, and then spits them out when they're finished extracting all their talent and skill and life force.
Much like with Ferrari, Seb in this AU replaces Fernando after Fernando loses favor and becomes undesirable. Now Seb is the new golden boy, and Fernando has turned to a life of crime! Fernando resents Seb for this of course, but also becomes obsessed with him and the idea of him , and how they are connected. It's weird to watch someone else basically go down your exact same path and unknowingly make all the same mistakes(buying into the mysticism of it all too much, being overly cocky, having naive beliefs and goals, etc.) He is caught between wanting to doom Seb even more but also wanting to "save" him, by corrupting him and convincing him to work together.
Basically: He's both a Bond girl and Bond villain.
Fernando is in such a weird place in this AU. I think he's just very dramatic. Seb is just casually living his best 007(005?) life, and Nando is watching him with binoculars, whispering to himself: "DOESN'T HE UNDERSTAND THAT WE ARE NARRATIVE FOILS!?" Yeah he hates Seb, but like the song lyrics say, their lives and dreams are inherently tied up together. He would feel lost without Seb, because Seb basically, unknowingly, destroyed and then took over his life. Maybe he'll feel satisifed if he manipulates Seb into going down the exact same path a bit better.
About the drawings themselves. Still can't believe this scene is a real thing that actually happened, insane to me. But in this AU, after the events of these drawings, Fernando definitely kicked all his henchman out of the room, and fucked Seb in the chair. And then against the wall. And then on the floor. Hey man, Seb is already looking mighty delicious with his unbuttoned attire and being tied up.
I think the general plot would be that Fernando keeps trying to seduce him to the dark side, and Seb keeps making him think it worked, only to escape at the end of the encounter. Leading Fernando to just come up with increasingly more violent and kinky traps. Seb goes along with it(read: enjoys it), leaving Fernando satisifed, only to somehow escape and wink and make kissy faces at Fernando in the process. (Fernando smoking cigarette in bed: "How do I make him stay. Sigh.")
I like to think though that Fernando does win in the end, by realizing, ah wait shit I do need to actually explain my motivations to Seb. And Seb is so worn down by his job, not Fernando, and how he's being treated, that he listens, really actually listens, and realizes Fernando does really have valid reasons. And then they become evil crime husbands yayyyy. Wow you thought this was a espionage AU? Well it is, but just not the outcome you'd expect.
#ah well this was certainly a project....#rn i feel like im devolving into illness so im glad i could finish this up before it possibly gets worse#this is my magnum opus as of rn. just bcs ive not really drawn such a longform thing for them!! happy w it :)#i think i def like the first one the best#it made me suffer so bad but i think i soften on my own art after a few days#like i finish it and know its 'good' but cant help but critique every little thing#but ive had that one done for almost a week so now i look at it and really love it#i was originally just going to draw that one only but then realized i really like the full dialog so. might as well.#generally i liked this though bcs even if it ws difficult. it was nice to have really direct and clear reference#like ah ik where im going w this rather than it being an image in my head that i cant represent the way that I want#ah anyways all my vettonso aus tend to be just wanting to explore specific dynamics of theirs#and this one is basically how i feel about their mutual relationship to the institution of ferrari and how it affects their dynamic#basically: THEY'RE MIRRORS!!!#there's always something to be said abt nando being resentful abt seb bcs of 2010/2012/etc and then seb taking his seat at ferrari#but then witnessing seb basically go thru the same trials and tribulations and failures at ferrari#and realizing huh wait maybe he's not who i was villianizing him as. maybe hes at my level too. maybe he's not infallible. maybe hes like m#a very bitter nando who has to fight btwn his impulse to ruin seb further or to relate to him and start to like him#so yeah that's ^ basically what i want to portray in this au(just like all AUs tbh)#f1#formula 1#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#catie.rambling.txt#catie.art.#vettonso#bond au
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girlhood
#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day#like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year.#when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍#not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again#and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :)#like everything i do is informed by her#I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her#and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢#and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again#“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her#growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain#and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when#people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it#but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up-#when people mention it 😍#last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her)#and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook”#and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one#and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?”#im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her#lol!!!!!!!!!
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the rampant misogyny (and transmisogyny) on this site from transmascs specifically is so crazy to me. like......it really is like this
Tumblr user: trans women oppress the rest of us trans people & it's terfy for lesbians to criticize the patriarchy and because of all of that misandry is real and alive
someone in real life: Hey man how's it going
#im tme but like. my god. no one else gives a fuck about this shit. but i really do think little pockets of groups of transmascs are forming#on here with some blatantly gross ideas#not that everyone cant be part of perpetuating misogyny & transmisogyny. i probably have been in the past in ways i didnt even think about#but i mean like. im not talking about that. im talking about 'women ruin everything' type shit#people are Just Saying That now.#as others have pointed out i think its due to a misunderstanding of basic feminism & associating it baseline with terfism#and also yknow. masculinity is not inherently evil but often when you are asked to Prove Your Manhood it comes at the cost of women
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Two whole hours of Etho's Decked out runs in his latest video, is this what heaven feels like
#Im crazy about decked out as a whole but Ethos runs still make me more insane#i watched his eps with his decked out 1 runs like so many times#and now THISSSSSS#I CANT EVEN CATCH UP WITH EVERYTHING ITS RUINING MY LIFE#but im loving it#ethoslab#hermitcraft#shitpost
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Disability Pride Flag Cape!
Download here or from under the cut
#tried making an id for these#probably not the best#really tired rn#leaf's posts#leaf's mobskins#minecraft#mineblr#minecraft cape#disability#disability pride#disability pride month#disabled pride#also leaf lore:#been understanding more recently i most likely am considered disabled due to neurodivergence#which is probably autism#the way i hurt my hand might fall under being disabled too considering i cant write anymore with it#any way thats enough leaf lore for now i am Tired#send asks if ur curious about anything#even if it isnt this ttopic#(just send asks pls lmao)#(i like getting them)#also if anyone has any ideas for how i can make communication cards for when i cant talk pls tell me#i had a draft but they got ruined by the school laminator so im going to remake them but better#so if you have any ideas or suggestions pls say
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