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gealach-in-a-misty-world · 9 years ago

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For orchidbreezefc. Happy birthday! ^-^

Pairing: Quentin Quire/Evan Sabanhur

This is set in a non-specified future where nothing bad is going to happen. Nope. No Apocalypse nonsense. And it’s hopefully fluffy! There’s a tinge of angst because I’m a terrible person D: ugh. I hope you like it! ^-^

Additional tags: coming out, trans male character, asexual character

“Evan?”

“Mh?”

Evan stirred, and nuzzled him for a while before opening his eyes and blinking blearily up at him. He smiled, and there, again, that tightening of Quentin's chest.

“Yes?” Evan murmured. When Quentin didn't answer, he lifted himself a bit, looking down at him with a furrow in his brow. “Are you okay?”

Quentin hummed and nodded. He'd just been struck – right in that moment as he lay comfortably with Evan – with the sudden urgency to talk about the elephant in the room. Evan was so perfect, and he didn't deserve all that secrecy. Quentin was simply so accustomed to avoid the topic; he didn't talk about it, but neither was he actively hiding it. He just let things be.

But with Evan... it was different. It could be argued that Evan had the right to know. As had Idie, but well, they'd never gotten that far.

“I think I need to tell you something,” he said quietly, and Evan blinked.

“Okay.” He reached out to cup Quentin's cheek. “Is it bad?”

Leaning into the warm touch, Quentin smiled. “No, not bad. It's just something about me I never told you. And – you should know, before we move this to whatever level you're comfortable with,” he added softly, turning his head slightly to press a kiss to Evan's palm. Evan was so delicate when they lay entangled together, exchanging lazy kisses and holding each other close. At first Quentin had thought that Evan was so careful due to his buff, powerful build; but the mere fact that he still hadn't displayed any kind of interest in moving things further led Quentin to believe that he wasn't the only one with a semi-confession to make.

But he would tell Quentin when he was ready. For now, it was Quentin's turn.

Evan cocked his head to the side, a violet hue tinging his cheeks. He looked lovely, but Quentin hadn't meant to embarrass him. He hoisted himself up on an elbow, his palm going to press against Evan's hand.

“Hey,” he murmured, “I meant it. Whatever you're comfortable with, Evan. I'm fine with it.”

Evan shut his eyes. “But you do want to. To do that.”

Oh, shit. Quentin sat up fully and cupped Evan's face with both hands. Evan retreated his own hands to his lap. “I want to do what we will both enjoy, Evan. I love to kiss you and hold you. I love you, silly.” He brushed a peck on Evan's lips. When he tilted his head back, Evan had opened his eyes, and he looked still mildly embarrassed. And worried. It occurred to Quentin that maybe his I need to tell you something had carried a more ominous meaning to Evan. “And that's why I need to tell you this thing, it's informed choice. You need to know this to decide if you still want to stay with me or –” he swallowed, the sudden thought – the idea that Evan could decide to leave him – making his stomach churn. But it would be Evan's decision, and Quentin wouldn't blame him for that. He loved him too much for that. “- or not.”

Evan started. “Whyever would you think I'd leave you? If anything, you should –”

“No, shh, none of that.” Leaning closer again, he brushed a light kiss against Evan's lips. “I told you, I'm fine with whatever you want to do, Evan.”

“You can't know that,” Evan muttered, gaze to the side.

“Well, I can't if you don't tell me, yes.” Quentin passed his fingers gently over Evan's cheeks. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Evan looked up at him. “I, uh, not now.”

“Okay,” Quentin said softly. “But I'm here, you know that.”

Evan nodded, and raised a hand to press Quentin's right hand to his cheek. “I know,” he murmured. “I will. But you wanted to tell me something.”

“Yes.” Dropping his free hand from Evan's face, he caught Evan's right hand, which still rested on his lap. Now that he'd decided to tell him – that he was actually about to – he didn't know how to say it exactly. Would Evan even know what he meant? Would Quentin have to explain in excruciating detail every minutiae?

Would Evan be fine with it?

Evan was looking at him with a focused, concerned expression, and Quentin summoned his earlier resolve. “I'm transgender, Evan.”

The only sign he'd been heard was Evan's startled blinking. They sat – the moment stretched, and Quentin was hit by the violent urge to take a peak into Evan's mind. Which was followed by his mentally kicking himself. He didn't do that anymore – he didn't go around in people's heads without permission.

Especially not Evan's. But Evan was just looking at him – not in a shocked way, though; he seemed lost in thought, as if were processing what Quentin had said. Still, it would have been nice to hear him say anything instead of agonising over his silence like this –

Evan uncovered Quentin's hand, that was still pressed to Evan's cheek and, Quentin realised in that moment, shaking slightly. His other hand, that was holding Evan's, was shaking as well; Quentin lowered his gaze to it, embarrassed. With infinite gentleness Evan removed Quentin's hand from his cheek – Quentin's heart skipped a beat, fearing the worst; but Evan then proceeded to lead it to join the other on his lap, and now it was him that was holding Quentin's hands.

“You're worried,” Evan said quietly, “I'm making you worry. Because I haven't said anything yet?”

Quentin emitted a quiet snort. He still wouldn't look up; he preferred to focus on the contrast of their hands: big and little, grey-blue and pink. Was this the last time he would see them pressed together?

Evan covered Quentin's hands. “I'm so sorry. I just don't want to say anything wrong – I don't want to understand the opposite of what you're telling me and make some mistake and hurt you.” Quentin's breathing came easier as the meaning of Evan's words hit him; he was just waiting for him to elaborate. He looked up, and Evan's features were so soft and reassuring. “Could you explain? Just as much as you're comfortable with. I do know what the term means.”

Oh, Evan. Quentin's chest tightened. He nodded, mulling over what Evan had said... I don't want to understand the opposite of what you're telling me. He got what Evan meant; blurted it out like this, his statement could be taken both ways.

“I was assigned female at birth,” he exhaled, and Evan's gaze didn't falter, still focused on him with utmost attention and respect and love. “I'm a man.”

Evan nodded, and brought his hands – still holding Quentin's – up, and he opened them as if were holding something precious inside, with that wonder in his gaze that he had when he showed Quentin a little bird or a flower resting on those big palms. He bent his head to press light kisses to the backs of Quentin's hands, and Quentin felt his heart swell and float and ache, ache so much.

Evan looked up. “I understand,” he murmured, lips still brushing gently against Quentin's skin. “Thanks for telling me.”

“Are you –” Quentin cleared his throat. “Are you, you know, okay with it?”

“Of course.”

“Because I haven't had bottom surgery and I don't think I want to, and I want you to be comfortable with it, with me –” oh god, he was rambling now; why was he rambling? It was fine, Evan had said it was fine, he hadn't recoiled from him and he was still holding Quentin's hands with that soft look in his eyes and it made Quentin's chest tighten painfully –

Evan reached out to cup his face. “I am. Of course I am. I love you, silly,” he said, and Quentin melted into his touch.

“That's my line, you know,” he murmured, tilting his head. Evan was moving his fingers just slightly, gently caressing his cheek.

“Well, it's you who's being silly now.” Evan drew closer. His eyes were so, so soft. “Come here.”

With a sigh, Quentin climbed onto Evan's lap, and let Evan wrap a strong arm around him. Settling more comfortably against Evan's broad chest, he closed his eyes, Evan's fingers slowly running through his hair now.

It was warm and safe, there in Evan's arms, and all was well.

#orchidbreezefc #quentin quire #evan sabanhur #gealach writes

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